TNT Magazine / Issue 1533

January 14-20 2013 Issue 1533 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

AN EIGHT-DAY ANZAC TOUR FOR TWO WITH TRAVEL TALK

SCREW THE RESOLUTIONS The city’s best sex, booze and big burgers

YOU WANNA BE DIRTY? Rocky Horror returns to the London stage

WEIRDEST WORKOUTS Fighting the flab with anti-gravity yoga

T S I L T O H Y A HOLID

vel in 2013 a r t f o t s e b ry isco – the ve c n a r F n a S Janeiro to From Rio de + OZ DAY PARTIES BOOT CAMP BREAKS THE YEAR IN SPORT LATE TRAVEL DEALS

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Fighting temptation two weeks into your resolutions?

Let TNT well and truly kick you off the wagon with one of our most unabashedly hedonistic issues yet. There’s no end of overindulgence on your doorstep in London, which we prove with a round-up of the city’s best vices on P10. Then, why not dress up in fishnets and shout obscenities at the cast of Rocky Horror (P26), or plan a big trip to Amsterdam (P68)? Go on, be bad.

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

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LONDONNEWS

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DRINK & EATS @TNT

16

SPOTTED

17

LONDON SOUND

18

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

20+21

CHATROOM SARA QUIN

23

LONDON SCENE

24

LONDON FOCUS

26

COMPETITION

29

SPARE TIME

30

LIFESTYLE

Photos: Getty; Colleen Morice

14+15

32-37

HEALTH & BEAUTY

32

MONEY

35

LIVING

36

NEWS & SPORT

38-48

TRAVEL

51-71

26

FEATURES RESOLUTIONS? NAH!

10

Forget those new year promises. Indulge in sex parties and big burgers instead ...

TIME WARP, AGAIN

The Rocky Horror Show returns to London in celebration of 40 years on stage

DIARY

52

NEWS

53

WEIRDEST WORKOUTS

UK TRIP

54

LATE DEALS

56

Jump around like a kangaroo or try antigravity yoga to make getting fit more fun

HOTSHOTS

57

THE YEAR IN SPORT

TOP FIVE

58

TIPS

60

London won’t miss the Olympics thanks to an incredible line-up of sporting events

SHORT BREAK

62

48 HOURS IN... LYON

66

BIG TRIP

68

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

72-97 98

10

26

BOOT CAMP BREAKS

32

46

62

Fighting the flab in warmer climes – our pick of Europe’s best healthy holidays

2013 TRAVEL HOT LIST

68

Don’t miss this! The year’s travel hotspots, from Rio to Amsterdam and San Fran

68 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Features writer Jade Bremner Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke

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Casing study: London’s only pie-making classes

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON pie making Old Street

”Britain was a nation of great pie makers, somehow we’ve lost the art – let’s put Britain on the map again,” says Delia-approved chef Marika, and with these monthly classes that’s exactly what she’s doing. And not just any old pie either, but a “proper pie” (pastry on the bottom, double crust, apparently – lazy casseroles with a pastry lid are not tolerated). Each four-hour class has no more than 16 people so you get plenty of attention, and you’ll come away with some great new skills to take home and perfect, a recipe book to get you going and, of course, pies to share (or not) with your housemates. £60

Jan 20, 11am-3pm Central Street Kitchen, EC1V 8AJ

pie-club-london.co.uk

the london art fair

Free and funny in angel

iain stirling

The UK’s largest fair for contemporary British art turns 25 this year with a bumper show.

Galleries from across the UK show work of the early 20th century onwards in the main hall, while Art Projects casts its eye over current Brit art and Photo50 showcases photography’s diversity from photojournalism to portraits.

Beat away those post-holiday blues with some January jokes at this free comedy night. The weekly chucklefest always includes a headliner, up-andcoming talent and a host of first timers. This Thursday James Acaster toplines, with Meryl O’Rourke, Brenda Gilhooly, Jacob Hawley and Simon Weekes. Free And Funny also runs Sundays.

Stand-up Stirling confesses to being “one of those comedian/ presenters you get nowadays” – he’s been presenting on CBBC. Modest maybe, but debut solo show, Happy To Be The Clown? sold out at Edinburgh and makes its London premiere.

His dad is still not “sure about the whole thing”, he says. You will be, though.

Jan 16-20. Times vary Business Design Centre, N1 0QH londonartfair.co.uk Angel

Jan 17. 8pm Camden Head, N1 8DY freeandfunny.co.uk Angel

Jan 17-19. 9.45pm Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE sohotheatre.com Tott Ct Road

£12+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Speechless: Circle of Eleven show mime’s more than meets the eye

london international mime festival Across London

A festival of theatre without words that subverts your expectations of what mime is and, more importantly, can be. Rather than white-faced clowns as the stereotype suggests, all manner of art-circus, aerial acrobats, illusionists and psychedelic puppetry are set to storm London. Don’t miss British aerial theatre compay Ockham’s Razor and Italian Simone Riccio’s ‘wheel solo’, Nothing Moves If I Don’t Push It. £8+

Until Jan 27. Times vary Various mimelondon.com

dover street market sale

raiders of the last tube

One of London’s more secretive markets is slashing prices for January by as much as 30 per cent, with many cuttingedge designers and fashion items ready to be snaffled up by the plucky. You best hurry, though, as there are bound to be others out there keen to fill their wardrobes with some mega bargains.

If you prefer not looking a wreck at work the morning after, or don’t want to commit fully to a dry-and-no-action Jan, then this monthly dinner, drinks and dancing night from The Secret Garden Party folks is for you. There’s top grub, bands and DJs, and an 11.30pm curfew so you get to bed at a reasonable time on a school night.

Until Jan 22. Times vary W1S 4LT Green Park doverstreetmarket.com

Jan 17. 6.30pm-11.30pm The Lexington, N1 9JB the lexington.co.uk Angel

FREE

Photos: Heiko Kalmbach

Various

£5

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jetlag bar Thumbs up: go for gold at Gigalum

This perennially popular sports bar in Fitzrovia is hosting an all-day blowout for Australia Day, starting with a movie marathon from 1pm (The Castle, Strictly Ballroom, Muriel’s Wedding and The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert are all on the line-up) and live music from 10pm courtesy of The Punching Preachers (think modern and classic rock covers – they do a mean Johnny B Goode). Plus there’s an Aussie Day menu with grub including kangaroo steak, crab and lobster sliders, and pavlova. Sweet as.

FREE

AUSTRALIA DAY WEEKENDER GIGALUM, CLAPHAM

Jan 26, from 3pm-3am, free entry until 9pm, £7 after 9pm, or £5 advance booking 125 Cleveland Street, Fitzrovia, W1T 6QB Great Portland Street jetlagbar.com

draft house

You can always rely on Gigalum to bring the party, and this year the Clapham bar by the Common is doing it up right with an Australia Day Weekender. On from Friday 25 all the way through to Sunday 27, there’ll be Aussie DJs playing sets from 3pm until 11pm each day, special offers on grog from Down Under and even a live feed to the motherland.

Don’t be surprised if you hear a few Triple J’s Hottest 100 hits blasting from the speakers, either. Entry to all three days of the bash is free.

FREE

Jan 25-27, from 3pm 7-8 Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common Southside, SW4 9DW Clapham South Clapham Junction gigalum.com

London’s Draft House collective of pubs is going big on Aussie craft beers in the run up to Australia Day, offering the best from breweries including Little Creatures (from £3.75), plus a special Ute Burger with pickled beets and Kylie’s Meat Pie (both £9.75). £3.75+

Jan 9-26, times vary across venues Various Various drafthouse.co.uk

THE LARRIK INN

ELK BAR

GERONIMO INNS

Fulham’s favourite sport and party pub demands you whack on your thongs for a day of Aussie fun on January 26, where there’ll be a raffle, best-dressed competition, drinks promos, a live band, Aussie snacks and, of course, a BBQ sizzling away. You’d be a flamin’ galah to go anywhere else, they reckon.

The Elk promises to be your home away from home this Australia Day, serving up a free sausage sizzle, Elk Party DJs, Triple J’s Hottest 100, and £2.95 mojitos all day. The party starts at 9am, so if you’re feeling seriously patriotic, you can start your flag-waving early. We’d pace ourselves on those cheap cocktails, though ...

Geronimo Inns’ portfolio of pubs in south London are offering a raft of special promotions for Australia Day, from fancy dress and steaks on the barbie at The Coat and Badge in Putney to a strictly Aussie playlist (Nick Cave, Kylie and Jason) at The Northcote in Clapham.

Entry to Geronimo’s establishments on the big day is free.

Jan 26, 11am-1am 25 New Kings Road, SW6 4RN Fulham Broadway thelarrikinnfulham.com

Jan 26, from 9am 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA Fulham Broadway elkbar.com

Jan 26, times vary across venues Various Various geronimo-inns.co.uk

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FROSTY TEMPS AND SNOW PREDICTED The bitter cold we’ve been promised is likely to hit this week with sub-zero temperatures and perhaps even snow.

The mercury is predicted to plummet to -5°C by Sunday with snow a possibility Thursday. TfL has de-icing trains on standby and more than 89,000 tonnes of salt has been stockpiled.

The Met Office’s George Goodfellow said the weather was normal for January.

“We are looking at a very good chance of some snow in a few places,” he told the Standard. He said snow could come when a warm system from the west collides with cooler air in the east of the country.

Where are we going to go? The fishmongers?

Our two officers are going to be travelling to us by bus. It’s like a Carry On film Gypsy Hill Safer Neighbourhood panel chair David Green on losing police officers

FOOD BLOGGER SAFE AND SOUND IN CAPE London food blogger Wilkes McDermid was found in Cape Town after he was reported missing and an international police investigation was launched.

His family became worried when the active social networker missed his return flight after visiting friends in South Africa and cut off all forms of communication.

He was reunited with family, who had flown to South Africa to aid in the search.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

DISTRICT: No service between West Kensington, Acton Town and Richmond all weekend.

JUBILEE: No service between Stanmore and West Hampstead on Saturday and Sunday.

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Kate portrait ‘too mature’

Art critics say first official princess painting makes her look old The first official portrait of the Duchess of Cambridge was criticised for making her look beyond her years when it went on display at the National Portrait Gallery last week.

Princess Catherine is apparently happy with the painting, after complimenting artist Paul Emsley’s work. “It’s just amazing, I thought it was brilliant,” she said. Her husband, Prince William, was equally glowing: ”It’s absolutely beautiful.”

But art critics have stuck the boot in.

Respected Sunday Times writer Waldemar Januszczak said: “He made her look older than she is and her eyes don’t sparkle in the way that they do and there’s something rather dour about the face.”

“Fortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge looks nothing like this in real life. I’m really

sad to say this is a rotten portrait,” Robin Simon, the Daily Mail’s art boffin, said.

Ben Luke, of The Evening Standard, said the portrait was “an image of a mature thirty-something woman – perhaps too mature, since she appears older here than she does under the glare of the news cameras” and that it was “something of a missed opportunity”.

Emsley was said to be keen to capture Middleton’s “charm, serenity and intelligence”. The Scotland-born artist who has spent much of his life in South Africa told The Guardian: “The Duchess explained to me that she would like to be portrayed naturally ... After initially feeling it was going to be an unsmiling portrait, I think it was the right choice in the end to have her smiling – that is really who she is.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

The London Eye is all about the view, but street photographer Matt Stuart’s taken the sight to the next level with his collection taken from the landmark.

He wants you to give it a shot on Saturday when 500 free tickets are given away for a rotation on the ride, so Londoners can capture their own unique vision of the city.

“London is one of the most exciting cities in the world and we sometimes forget this,” Stuart said, adding: “The London Eye offers some of the very best views of London and every view is different.”

To get involved, tweet @TheLondonEye #LiftLondon or turn up before 9.30am on the day and then share whatever image you were inspired to create from the big wheel.

Top shot: The Eye

Photos: Getty

METROPOLITAN: No service between Harrow-on-the-Hill and Aldgate all weekend. Chiltern Railways to operate additional trains between Harrow-on-the-Hill and Marylebone.

Kate meet Kate: which is which?

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The Church: worship debauchery

Resolutions? Nah! So you made a bunch of silly new year vows – diet, less booze, etc.

– but surely you’re over it now. Time to fall off the wagon big time

Photos: Vanya Du Toit

Words Jade Bremner

Rules are made to be broken, but new year’s resolutions are like time bombs – just waiting to explode. So when you come to your senses and return to the world of decadent, drunken nights out and late-night kebabs, we’ve scoured the city to help you do it with verve.

Whether it’s the biggest pizzas, burgers, steaks and breakfasts to break your junk food fast, places to smoke until you choke, guzzle beer like a king, dance the night away or just have a splurge, we’ve found it. We know, how terribly irresponsible, but go on, let us twist that rubber arm of yours.

The perfect place to kick off your debauchery for 2013 has to be The Church, Clapham, for its Australia Day celebration on January 27. It’s a day late, but this London institution has been a hedonistic Sunday party hub for Antipodeans for 33 years, so we’ll let this one slide.

For the uninitiated, The Church is everything associated with a good and wild time – booze, classic pub tunes, off-the-wall entertainment and a room packed with willing cohorts. Here you’ll sink a few drinks, the lights will 10

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dim and the party’s anthem, Glory, Glory Hallelujah, will blast out. Next, a man who looks like he ate all of the Jumbuck’s pies – the ‘Fatman’ – will appear on stage in a purple leotard to do his crude cabaret thing. Then, throughout the day, it’ll go from fairly inappropriate to downright dirty with performances from resident male and female exotic dancers.

“There will be no better place in London, the UK or even the world – including Australia – to celebrate this massive party day,” boldly claims The Church’s manager Julian Molteno.

“Every party is packed with Aussies and Kiwis, loads of beefy rugby lads and plenty of young, ready to party women,” he proclaims. “Throw in a case or two of ice-cold piss served with a smile, and sometimes a kiss, and you are ready to get it on.”

Outlandish outfits will also be rewarded, with the best-looking bogan winning a flight to Oz from Foster’s, along with other travel prizes.

Once you’ve indulged in the mother of all piss-ups, you’ll need to head to the other end of excess to soak it up.

Fat Boys Cafe in Croydon is infamous for its ‘Blowout’ breakfast, which is a plate the size of a chubby baby stacked with bacon, sausages, beans, fried bread, eggs and mushrooms on a chip mountain. If you can finish it within an hour, you get it for free. ”It can be done,” cafe owner Noha Hassanein explains. She says about one in 50 people manage to meet the challenge, so in true TNT style we gave it a crack.

The round of applause we got from some construction workers in the cafe when it arrived should’ve been a sign, but 30 minutes in we were defeated having hardly put a dent in it.

“We had one customer who ate the whole breakfast, then drank an orange juice, Snapple and large coffee, then ate an apple pie and custard to finish,” says Hassanein. We’ll be back.

MORE WAYS TO BREAK VOWS ›› Australia Day at The Church, £12+, Jan 27, Clapham 11.30am-4pm SW11 1TT Junction thechurchlondon.com Fat Boys ‘Blowout’ costs £9.95 306 West Croydon Thornton Rd, CR0 3EU

Eeek: TNT’s Jade takes on the ‘Blowout’

What a corker: dressing up is a Church must

Sinful: the epic fry-up HQ, Fat Boys

the devastator burger Hoxton

London Poker Meet-Up ACROSS LONDON

If you’re looking to quit your diet in a big way, this gut busting 3300 calorie meal at the US-themed Red Dog Saloon will certainly do the trick – it consists of three six-ounce patties, six slices of cheese, 200g of pulled pork and six rashers of bacon.

Why not choose this year to get into gambling? This social poker club has over 1000 members and regularly meets in pubs, clubs and card rooms to enjoy a flutter. Buy-ins range from £5-50, so there’s something for everyone, and it’s free to join. The next game is on January 18 in Southgate.

£18.95

Mon-Thu, 12pm-11pm; Fri-Sat, 10am-11pm; Sun, 12pm-10.30pm 37 Hoxton Square, N1 6NN Old Street reddogsaloon.co.uk

£5+

Take up smoking ... shisha Wimbledon

You must register with the meetup group before receiving details of games. Venues and times vary londonpokermeetup.co.uk

So you’ve managed to quit cigarettes – well done, you deserve a reward! How about the next best thing, a shisha at Ambience in Wimbledon? They have a range of intriguing flavours, from Skittles and gummy bears to After Eight chocolate. Plus, unlike with cigarettes, the smoke actually smells good. Yum! £12

Open weekends, 12pm-1.30am 12-14 Leopold Rd, SW19 7BD Wimbledon ambiencerestaurant.co.uk

The Beast Croydon

Eat Ice Cream South Kensington

Try to finish ‘Europe’s largest burger’. It includes seven pounds of prime Black Angus beef, half a pound of mature cheddar cheese and seven rashers of smoky bacon. Finish the whole thing and get it for free.

Indulge in a choice of more than 130 different flavours of ice cream at Oddono’s. Their secret recipes are highly rated by the likes of Gordon Ramsay, and include kooky flavours such as basil.

£60

SEXY classes aT SH! WOMEN’S EROTIC EMPORIUM HOXTON Indulge in some serious vice this year by taking a saucy class at the Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in Hoxton. These ‘educational’ sessions are aimed at a range of punters, with some for women-only, others for men and still more for couples. Learn how to have better orgasms on January 23, the key to the perfect blow job in February, the secrets of spanking in March, or save up your kinkiest fantasies and practice your pegging in May. Oo-er. £25

Next course, Beginners Guide To Fellatio, Feb 6, 6.30pm-9pm 57 Hoxton Square, N1 6HD Old Street sh-womenstore.com

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£3

Open daily, 12pm-10pm 920 Brighton Rd, CR8 2LN Wallington burgersatblacks.co.uk

Mon-Thu, 10am-11pm; Fri-Sat, 10am-12am; Sun, 10am-11pm 14 Bute St, SW7 3EX South Kensington oddonos.com

Mixology session Shoreditch

Coffee tour The City

These cocktail lessons are yet another reason to not give up drinking this month. This is the opportunity to go to a mixology masterclass and learn to make your own fancy cocktails.

You tried to give up coffee too?

Seriously! Well, back on the wagon with a theatricalstyle historical coffeehouse tour of London. Try a shot of 17th-century black, it’ll blow your mind.

January 19, 1pm 3 Ravey St, EC2A 4QP Old Street mixologyevents.co.uk

February 16, 11.30am Tour starts at St Michael’s Church, EC3V 9DS Bank unrealcityaudio.co.uk

£70

£13.50

Try a 32oz steak MayFair This is a seriously excessive portion of steak – so naturally, it’s well worth giving a nudge.

Here they’ll serve up a giant ‘tomahawk’ rib eye on the bone, caveman style. They even go larger than 32 ounces if you’re a serious meat masochist. Be warned, though, they’ll charge you an extra £4 per ounce for the privilege. £44

Sun-Thurs, 12pm-10.30pm; Sat, 12pm-11pm 86 Park Lane, W1K 7TN Marble Arch jwsteakhouse.co.uk

tour a brewery Hackney

Killing Kittens adult parties across london

London Fields Brewery offers full-scale tours of where they make the beery magic happen. Find out how they make their brews, including the Hackney Hopster, Pale Ale and Wheat Beer, and then, importantly, you get the chance to sample them.

As Homer Simpson so wisely says, “Mmmm, beer.” £10

Saturdays, 1pm & 3pm 365-366 Warburton St, E8 3RR London Fields londonfieldsbrewery.co.uk

Get into the swing of the new year by doing just that – swinging.

Killing Kittens hosts “exclusive elite adult parties” all over London, though it’d be equally as accurate to call them orgies.

Single men aren’t allowed – only couples and single women – and the rules state that only the ladies can initiate encounters. Make 2013 a year where you learn something new. £50+

drink out of Fish bowls EARLSFIELD Why have one cocktail when you can order one that’s the equivalent of 10 at Graffiti Bar? Varieties include the umbongo (with vodka and passion fruit liqueur), black peach (with schnapps, cranberry and apple juice) or one called German chocolate cake, plus loads more. £60

You must register and go through a vetting process in order to attend a Killing Kittens party.

Venues and times vary killingkittens.com

Mon-Fri, 5pm-12pm; Sat, 5pm-1am 561 Garratt Lane, SW18 4SR Earlsfield graffitibar.co.uk

Cocktails on monday Islington

Chocolate overload Sloane Square

They don’t have one happy hour at Caribbean-style bar Cottons on Monday, they have four.

They sell reggae (overproof) rum punch that’ll get you singing like Bob Marley and more for under £10 in a colourful setting.

Treat yourself to two full hours of sweet tutoring at Artisan du Chocolat, tucking into different cocoa-based bars and other delights, and sipping on chocolate drinks.

£6.75

Eat a Giant Pizza RUSSELL SQUARE At Ray’s Pizza they sell whopping great 26-inch pizzas, enough to feed you and five of your mates in one sitting, if you’re not tough enough to go solo.

Hook into classic pepperoni, ham and mushroom or veggie options with crusts that are so thin you can fold them with ease – it’s almost like dieting. The 26-inch pizzas are pick-up only.

Mondays, 5pm-9pm EC1R 4QP Angel restaurant-islington.co.uk

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Vanya Du Toit, Colleen Morice

£21.50

Mon-Sun, 12pm-12am Tavistock Hotel, WC1H 9EU Russell Square rayspizza.co.uk

whisky masterclass London Bridge A whisky habit won’t just add to your alcohol consumption, but drain your bank account quicker than you can say wee dram. Vinopolis’s masterclass makes you an expert in two hours, five single malts and a blend. £50

January 24, 7pm SE1 9BU London Bridge vinopolis.co.uk

£40

January 17, times vary 81 Westbourne Grove, W2 4UL Sloane Square artisanduchocolat.com

Night of CaBaret Chancery Lane

DRINK LOTS OF CHEAP WINE islington

Blow your new year’s resolutions in style with a three-course meal and night of decadent partying at glam Volupté.

Entertainment will include cheeky circus, burlesque and boylesque acts. Plus, music, magic, dance and song.

Try the sampling machine at this ace wine shop for a bargain binge. Charge a card with a minimum of £10, then try sample measures of a range of vinos, priced in proportion to the price of the bottle.

Samples start at just 30p.

January 19, bar opens from 4.30pm, show starts at 8pm Volupté, 9 Norwich St, EC4A 1EJ Chancery Lane volupte-lounge.com

Mon-Sat, 11.30am-9pm; Sunday, 11.30am-7pm 266 Upper Street, N1 2UQ Highbury & Islington thesampler.co.uk

£67

£10+

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Unique: The Blackfriar’s been [Caption] an original gem since 1875

BAR

Stunning both inside and out, step into this triangular-shaped boozer for berserk interiors reminiscent of a monastery, rather than a place of drunken debauchery. Off-the-wall decor includes stone portraits, sculptures and mosaics of jolly friars singing carols, gardening and larking about in their robes. In the smaller marble and alabaster chapel-style room, there’s an arched, tiled ceiling and profound etchings on the walls that read “haste is slow”, “silence is golden” and “wisdom is rare” – things to ponder about over a pint, perhaps? Built in 1875, the place was redesigned in 1905 by its open-minded proprietor Alfred Pettitt, his architect H Fuller-Clark and artist Henry Poole. Their cosy winter pub design is as unique a place to drink, just as it would have been more than 100 years ago.

THE GRUB Expect typical London pub grub like fish and chips, as well as fancy dishes including venison sausage and mash, and wild boar burgers.

THE SCENE

A decent selection of guest ales. When we went there was Orkney Brewery’s malty Dark Island, Itchen Valley Brewery’s citrusy Dana and Red Squirrel‘s creamy London Porter. There’s also a good range of European wine and spirits.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails from £4.50; small glasses of wine from £3.50; beers from £3.50 a pint; snacks from £2.50; main meals from £8.95.

VERDICT Plain and simple: we love this pub. JADE BREMNER BEHIND THE BAR

174 Queen Victoria St, EC4V 4EG

3 OF THE BEST HEALTHY SMOOTHIES

nicholsonspubs.co.uk

Blackfriars

ABOKADO

CRUSSH

BEE ME

Abokado whips up freshly made smoothies while you wait. There are a few different locations around London, serving up a mix of ingredients, such as flashfrozen whole fruit, honey and fresh ginger, from £1.99.

Crussh offers special Super Smoothies, blended with the likes of a “super-duper booster” of flu-fighting Echinacea or brain-boosting Gingko. Grab a Brainstorm for £3.15 and triumph over Monday morning.

These smoothies are kept completely natural to help stimulate body and mind. Try a Strabanana, which combines strawberries, banana, fresh orange juice and natural frozen yoghurt with a hint of honey for £3.85.

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BITE SIZE drink up, feel good In a nod to all-things ‘new year, new you’, Shaka Zulu has launched a Feel Good bar menu with Baobab.

Drinks on offer will include a natural supplement taken from the African ‘tree of life’, said to boost the immune system and energy levels. Sip on a Bao-Bab with Courvoisier, chambord, port and tea. Or, if try the booze-free Bao-Bab with apple and pineapple juices, cardomon, warm pear puree and Baobab. The cocktails at the South African-themed restaurant in Camden are priced from £7.50 shaka-zulu.com

all-you-can-eat sushi Posh pan-Asian Gilgamesh in Camden is introducing an unlimited sushi menu every Thursday. There will be 10 dishes available on the menu, which guests can order from as many times as they wish. If you’re kick-starting 2013 with a detox, you can tuck into this healthy meal without guilt. At £30pp, chow down on delights such as a ‘Mr Chang’ prawn roll, eel and white truffle egg rolls, crispy rice sashimi, and spicy tuna ‘dynamite’ nigiri. Yum! gilgameshbar.com

burns baby burns Celebrate Burns Night in London with a wee dram and traditional Scottish fare. Held since the 1800s on January 25, it’s a celebration of the life and work of poet Robert Burns.

Geronimo Inns – which have branches across the capital – will be offering traditional treats such as haggis, hot toddies, whisky tastings as well as entertainment, including bagpipes.

Check out the website for full details.

Pappagone mia: A nice’a place to stuff’a your face

Pizzeria Pappagone ITALIAN

Stroud Green Road is packed with lots of busy, cheap and cheerful restaurants – but Pappagone is the pick of the bunch. The place is absolutely heaving every day of the week (don’t expect to get a table without booking … ever) and there’s always a lively, noisy atmosphere that borders on the chaotic.

Expect to be greeted with the kind of warmth you might expect if you were long-lost family, regardless of whether you were last here a week or a year ago.

The grub No surprises here. The menu is all pizza, pasta, salads and a few Italian staples – think veal Milanese and mushroom risotto. If you even consider getting anything except pizza, though, you’re crazy. These mammoth pies arrive fresh from the wood-fired oven at the front of the restaurant, which fills the room with mouth-watering aromas, and are so enormous that the edges flop off the sides of your plate. I always think it’s one of the marks of a good Italian joint if you can order a finickity mishmash of ingredients without a problem, and my waiter doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when I ask for a complicated veggie hybrid of about three pizza varieties. Our party also orders a pizza Hawaii and insalata tricolore on the side. Nothing arrives speedily, but when the food does get to our table, it’s spot on. The salad has creamy, flavoursome buffalo mozzarella, perfectly ripe avocado and fresh tomatoes, while both pizzas are piping hot and generously topped. It’s too much for one sitting, though, so our waiter whisks the remainders away and insists on boxing them up for us to take home. Bonus!

THE SCENE

A range of reasonably priced wines, including plenty of sparkling options by the glass, plus spirits and bottled beers. House wine starts from £3.20 a glass, and beers from £3.60.

Bill please Pizzas from £5.70; starters from £3.50; mains from £12.50. verdict A great meal, but what really makes this restaurant stand out is the friendly and welcoming service, which gives the place its character. helen elfer Behind the bar

geronimo-inns.co.uk 131 Stroud Green Road, N4 3PX

pizzeriapappagone.co.uk

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Delta force: Alt-J collect the Mercury Prize

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD David Bowie has surprised everyone with the launch of not just a new song but a new album, The Next Day, proving he isn’t about to disappear into retirement just yet. Could this be the start of a whole new Bowie era?

Changing shape, appearance and sound is part and parcel of who The Man Who Fell To Earth is – he continually altered his guise through Ziggy Stardust, The Thin White Duke, through new romance and industrial and the Noughties return to a stark and mature singer-songwriter phase. The video for new single Where Are We Now? sees Bowie casting an eye over his Berlin days, suggesting a new, reflective period for him. Whether it’s the start of something big, perhaps with a tour, or just a one-off remains to be seen, but it’s refreshing to see the man who many had assumed was destined for a life of domesticity back with modern material. Cross your fingers and let’s see how – and where – this goes.

ALT-J O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT FRI, JAN 18 & SAT, JAN 19 | DOORS AT 7PM | £40+

This Leeds-born Cambridge-shaped four-piece took their time before releasing their debut, An Awesome Wave, in 2012 – five years since forming to be exact.

This attention to detail though paid off in spades as the boys picked up last year’s Mercury Prize and have seen their popularity soar exponentially since.

After relocating from Yorkshire, post-uni, to Cambridge, they recorded their debut in Brixton, south London, and unleashed it in April 2012. The work enjoyed a slow-burn rise from being the cult album everyone was talking about to being the bookies’ fave for November’s annual gong for the UK’s best album.

Taking a highly creative and individual approach (as their name suggests), An Awesome Wave fuses the likes of indie, folk, electronica, trip-hop beats and synths into a literate, reference-drenched melting-pot that is individual enough to surprise, yet charmingly accessible and, most importantly, catchy enough, to win over the mainstream, too. It has been for this reason that their debut not only picked up the Mercury award but was named as BBC 6 Music’s album of 2012.

An atmospheric proposition on the stereo, in the live arena they filter this sound into a multi-layered, mood-drenched affair that is hypnotic and addictive.

If 2012 was a big year for them, then 2013 looks to be even bigger. After these two nights in London, they have a stack more shows to come, including the Laneways tour Down Under, followed by a US trek and a UK headline tour in May to boot. Symbol-ic, literate, smart and unassailably cool, check them out.

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blood red shoes + rolo tomassi

NEW BAND

GIG Tues, Jan 22. 7pm £15.18

Eva Spence and her band of genre-defying screamos Rolo Tomassi are supporting on this rescheduled date for headlining Brighton duo BRS. Laura-Mary Carter (right) and Steven Ansell’s last album, In Time To Voices, was a grander, more expansive affair, and is a fitting LP for them to take to the larger theatres they’re now playing.

O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

soul of the 60s

superheroes vs villains party

CLUB

CLUB

fri, jan 18. 9pm-2am £5

fri, jan 18. 10pm-6am £7+

This hip-shaking night in honour of all things Sixties is now in its fifth year playing the finest sounds from the hippest decade. Motown classics sit next to soul cuts, as well as a host of rhythm and blues, rock ‘n’ roll and more – so expect anything and everything from The Temptations to James Brown. Get your funk on!

The Vibes crew straddles a fine line here between serious musical integrity and absurdist party times, with this superheroes and villians themed fancy dress party. So don your gear as your fave spandex-clad hero, and get down to the best drum ‘n’ bass sounds courtesy of Nanci & Phoebe, Lena Cullen, Serial Killaz and more.

The Phoenix 37 Cavendish Square, W1G 0PP Oxford Circus londonsoulclub.co.uk

Jamm 261 Brixton Road, SW9 6LH Brixton brixtonjamm.org

the computers The buzz so far There are many great things about this Exeter fivepiece – their crushingly addictive new single, Disco Sucks, with its scream-along chorus; their ace new album lined up for the spring; and the free UK tour they’re embarking on to support it. After the more rock ‘n’ roll rhythms of their debut, their as yet untitled follow-up (set for April) sees them take a more soulpop approach. After each show on the tour they’ll be DJ-ing a bunch of northern soul and Motown classics to keep you dancing, too.

The Critics say “They combine a snotty demeanour with cracking tunes” Mike Diver, BBC

Disco Sucks is out Feb 4 through One Little Indian. They play Lexington, Jan 21. Free N1

the plug

Photos: Getty

9JB

Angel

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dropkick murphys + crowns

la dolce vita opening

drugstore

GIG

CLUB

GIG

fri, jan 18 & sat, jan 19. 7.30pm £21

sat, jan 19. 10pm-11am £10+

fri, jan 18. 7.30pm £14

Cornish folk-punksters Crowns will be warming up the crowd for this headline set by the legendary Boston-Oirish punks who are in town for this duo of dates in support of their latest, and eighth album, Signed And Sealed In Blood, which was out on these shores only last week.

Get learning the songs quick.

A wealth of Italian electronic music talent lines up for this specially themed party. Tenax label head Alex Neri leads the Azzurri charge, with Marco Faraone (above), Julie Marghilano, Neverdogs, Massimo Di Lena b2b Joseph Russell and more. And you thought Italy was all about diving footballers and too much pasta!

The Nineties indie-dream poppers took a sevenyear hiatus at the start of the Noughties, but returned in 2009, then released their fourth LP, Anatomy, in 2011. They play this one-off, extremely intimate and low-key show which, based on their other planned activity (very little), could be their last for a while.

The Forum 9-17 Highgate Road, NW5 1JY Kentish Town hmvforum.com

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

St Pancras Old Church 191 Pancras Way, NW1 1UL King’s Cross myspace.com/drugstoretheband

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London Vs Rio Dance and Brazilian pop courtesy of DJs Matthew Bandy and Limao with a live performance from Life And Soul. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

5pm-late. £10 after 9pm.

Monday 14 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

BOOK NOW!

Hoxton Ukulele Hootenanny Resident DJs play Ukulele inspired music, plus live performances.

The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958).

7.30pm-midnight. £20.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor and guests provide disco, dance, funky house, R‘n’B and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3.50, NUS £2.50.

Popcorn DJs Zach Burns, Adam Turner, Jamie Hammond and Neroli spin house music in the main room, while residents spin dance and pop in the Stage Bar and T-Rex plays R‘n’B and hip-hop in the Star Bar. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020).

11pm-5.30am. £8, £4 before 1am, NUS/guestlist/mems free.

Service Industry Night Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey provide R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

Tuesday 15 Blackjack DJ Melody Kane spins hip-hop, R‘n’B, dancehall and house, with live performances from Ebony Day, Shakka, David Stewart, Shem and Ady Suleiman.

The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

8.15pm-late, £5, guestlist £4.

Desire DJs Steven Geller, Bruno Nouer and Sven Jon spin house and electro records.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

3am-11am. £8, w/flyer £6.

F.I.S.H Resident DJs play house, disco and minimal techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 11pm-late. £8, w/flyer £5 before 1am.

Glamorous Afterparty Deep house and electro courtesy of DJs Kaos Kid, Marlon K and Francko Harris.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

5am-11am. £7, w/flyer £6.

Pacha Presents House, techno and disco courtesy of DJs Dirty Channels, Bobby Pleasure, Threez A Crowd, Vishaal Lauren, Matt Fear, Tommy Ryan, Will Judge, Max Smith and Daniel Lesnieski.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-5am. Adv £10.

SIDEXSIDE featuring tINI & Guti (live) Shoreditch Warehouse. Feb 9. £17.50 Desolat’s tINI (above), who placed 15th on RA Top 100 DJ poll last year, and Guti (live) come together for this second instalment in the SIDEXSIDE series.

Secret location

londonwarehouseevents.co.uk

Wednesday 16 Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10.

Death 2 Disco Resident DJs Danny Watson, Nigel Thomas and BlagSound DJs spin rock, punk and indie, with live performances from Swiss Lips, Young Kato and Portia Conn. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £3, free before 8pm.

Hot Wuk Wednesdays Residents play bashment, reggae, dub, dancehall, soca, one-drop reggae, grime and UK funky.

The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

7pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Thursday 17 Don’t Flop: Set The Standard Hip-hop and rap battles with Wizard Vs Jokerstarr, Enigma Vs Mr Tongue Twister, Dotz Vs Impact and Liquid Vs Hulk.

Ginglik, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8PH (020 8749 2310).

7pm-1am. £10, adv £7.

Slug Couture Present Fantastic Mr Fox, The Hotelles, i/m/m/i/g/r/ a/n/t/s, Artifacts, Ben Williams, Boomba and Badger play dubstep, electronica and bass music.

Amersham Arms, New Cross Rd, SE14 6TY (020 8469 1499). 8pm-3am. £7.

Ritmo Latino Resident DJs play Latin, salsa and bachata with dance lessons from teachers Peynao Er Bachatero, Angela Mariano, Julian Mr M, John Otaran and guests. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

7pm-late. £5, free before 9pm.

Speakeasy Resident DJs spin swing, jazz and electro, plus live burlesque and cabaret performances. Proud Cabaret, Mark Ln, EC3R 7AH (020 7482 3867).

8.30pm-late. £49 inc meal.

United Colours Of Rumba Resident DJs play R‘n’B, pop and dance. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 10pm-3am.

Free guestlist before 11pm.

T Club DJs Ricky Almeida and The Librarian spin an eclectic mix of music, including soul and punk. Dalston Superstore, Kingsland High St, E8 2PB (020 7254 2273). 9pm-2.30am. Free.

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What Ever Happened To P-Rock Presents Rock, indie and metal courtesy of P-Rock DJs, plus a live performance from Vinnie Caruna.

The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 7pm-late. £9, adv £7.

Friday 18 Bedrock DJs Little Chris and George spin indie, electro, rock, retro and pop. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-4am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight.

Definition Shane Watcha, Montana Cruz, EMME and Sacha Schwarz spin electro, disco, techno and house. Horse And Groom, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3NZ (020 7503 9421). 8.30pm3am. £4 & £5, free before 10pm.

Entail Records Presents Unlock Alex Niggemann, Kabale Und Liebe, Ron Costa and Adapter spin house and techno in the main room, while room 2 welcomes Natalie Coleman, Miss Mavrik, Tred Benedict and Emeskay. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-7am. Adv £15.

Fabriclive Joker, Hatcha, N-Type, Funtcase, Grooverider, Chef, Kutz, Soulz, Crazy D, Mighty Moe, AD, Majestic, Dillinja, DJ Die, Mampi Swift, Crissy Criss, Annix Konichi, Decimal Bass, Macpherson, Distance, Youngsta, Tunnidge, Sleeper, District and Thelem spin dubstep, drum ‘n’ bass, house, garage and jungle across three rooms, with MCs IC3, Funsta, 2Shy and LX One. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm6am. £17, adv £16, mems £12, NUS £12 before midnight, £8 after 3am.

Get In The Groove DJs Healer Selectah and Madera Verde spin roots, funk and soul, featuring live performances from By The Rives. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 9pm-3am. £7, adv £5.

Kartel Launch Party Electronica, house, techno, bass, dubstep, Afrobeat and African music courtesy of Bass Clef, Romare and resident DJs The Busy Twist and Moto And Bagheera. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 10pm-4am. Adv £5.

Propaganda DJ Dan and guests spin an eclectic mix of indie, electro, pop, dance and drum ‘n’ bass. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000).

10.30pm-3.30am. £5.

The Silver Bullet Presents Hackneycentral, Dolly Rockers and Snaketown DJs play indie, house, dubstep and bass music, plus a live performance from Black Masa. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639).

7.30pm-late. £4, £3 before 11pm.

Sin City DJs Adam Lightspeed and Sleazy H play alternative rock and metal in the main room, with classic rock and old skool metal in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10.30pm-3.30am. £7, NUS/mems £5 before 11.30pm, w/flyer £5 before midnight.

Soulberries Olivier Garth spins indie classics and old skool. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Viper Recordings Drum ‘n’ bass courtesy of Matrix And Futurebound, TC, Brookes Brothers, Smooth, ShockOne, Phantasy, Raw Theory, The Others, Specimen A, Peo De Pitte, PYRAMI and James D’Ley, with MCs IC3, Harry Shotta, Felon, Mekar, G Double and Incyte. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. Queue jump £20, £13, adv/NUS £10, adv/mems £7.

Saturday 19 1-800 Dinosaur James Blake, Airhead, Dan Foat and Mr Assister spin electro, dubstep and house. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471).

10pm-4am. £10, concs £8.

Dancar E Jantar DJ Gringo Da Parada spins samba, swing, rock ‘n’ roll, hip-hop, punk, Britpop and electronica. Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228). 5pm-2am. £10, £5 before 10pm, free before 9pm.

Fabric Mr C, Konrad Black, Luke VB, Tim Red, Terry Francis, Sigha, DVS1, Francis Harris, Anthony Collins and Voigtmann spin house and drum ‘n’ bass across three rooms, with a live performance from Affie Yusuf. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-8am. £20, adv £19, NUS/fabric first £14, £10 after 4am.

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Gilles Peterson’s Worldwide Awards 2013 The French DJ presents awards to the best up-and-coming electro-jazz, hip-hop and house acts.

Producers and DJs play live.

Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 7pm. £25.

Human Writes 3 Hip-hop courtesy of DJ Snuff, Flux, Regime Sound and Anthony Anaxagorou, with live performances from TY, Aruba Red and Native Sun plus Open Mic. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). 6.30pm11pm. £12, NUS/concs £8.

The iPhonics DJs spin dance, electro, R‘n’B and indie, followed by the house-band performing rock and pop covers. The Roadhouse, The Piazza, Covent Garden Market, WC2E 8HB (020 7379 6132). 5.30pm-3am. £12, £5 before 9pm, free before 7pm.

The Loft DJs Josh Grooves, Shaun Ashby, Matt L-S and Jamesey spin house, R’n’B, hip-hop, soul, funk and jungle, with a live performance from Nina Provencal. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 10pm-3am. £8, adv £6.

Plastik Philosophy Resident DJs spin an eclectic mix of music including house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Space Digital Acrobatic, Johnny T, Andrew T, Olivier Garth, Masheti, Daniel Hobden, Paul Welford, Dean Griffits, Andrei Cosmin, DB and Bowles play funky house and dance.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-5am. Adv £10.

Vision Underground Katya Kabeli, Samantha Blackburn, Shane B, Jerome Focus and WD Wallace spin deep house and techno. Nomad, Old St, EC1V 9AJ (020 7253 4443).

10pm-5am. £10, guestlist £5.

Sunday 20 Hula Boogie 10th Anniversary Party Miss Aloha and Reverend Boogie spin 1940s and 1950s R‘n’B and rock ‘n’ roll, with a live performance from the Ray Collins Hot Club.

South London Pacific, Kennington Rd, SE11 4LD (020 7820 9189).

7.30pm-1am. Adv £15.

Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 10pm-late. £12, £10, w/flyer £5 before 1am.

Shaken Up Resident DJs play house and trance records.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303).

7pm-late. Phone for prices.

Wet Yourself House and techno courtesy of Mlle Caro, Cormac, Peter Pixzel and Jacob Husley. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £10, NUS £7, adv £5.

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MUSICLISTINGS

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Police Dog Hogan, Toby Connor, Fiona Culley Country, Americana and bluegrass by the seven-piece, London-based band.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

Monday 14 Leigh Coleman Classic soul by the Midlands-based singer.

606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

BOOK NOW!

Conversations With Sound The vocal ensemble performs improvised soundscapes and experimental, orchestral works arranged by composer Jamie McDermott. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

Eric Alexander & Vincent Herring Quintet The tenor saxophonist and the Grammy Award-winning saxophonist duo from the US lead their band as it plays hard bop and post-bop, with pianist Harold Mabern and drummer Joris Dudli. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747).

Also Tue. £25-£40.

Her Dying Regret, Angels Gate, A Shot At Never Metalcore from the Readingbased five-piece outfit.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, adv/concs £4.50.

Sel The Lithuanian group, led by producer and songwriter Egidijus Dragunas, plays rap and hip-hop. Pizza Express Jazz Club, Dean St, W1D 3RW (020 7437 9595/ cc 0845 602 7017). £15.

Stewart Curtis And His Klezmer Swing Quartet The reeds-player performs swing and jazz with the four-piece group.

Le QuecumBar, Battersea High St, SW11 3HX (020 7787 2227). £10.

Tuesday 15 Blues Engineers Swing and blues six-piece with a dash of soul. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £8, free before 10pm.

Mallory Knox Contemporary rock by the London-based band. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £8.50.

Neil McSweeney, David J Roch, Joel Harries The Sheffield-born singer-songwriter performs indie-folk and rock, from his third studio album.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £7.

Rebet Asker The four-piece plays Greek folk and World music, with influences from Asia, the Balkans, Western Europe and the Americas.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £7.

Secret Company, M_Y_A, I’m Called George Indie-pop by the London-based band.

The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £7, adv £5.

Wu Block Hip-hop and rap from the collaboration between the Wu Tang Clan member Ghostface Killa and Sheek Louchfrom D-Block.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £22.50.

Friday 18 Ahab The London-based four-piece plays country-rock and folk.

Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50.

the airborne toxic event Koko. Feb 28. £18 The Californian garage-pop-alt-rockers, known for their orchestral backed compositions, play from their sophomore album, All At Once .

NW1 7JE

Mornington Crescent

Wednesday 16 Aeon, Dyscarnate, Voices, Ageless Oblivion The Swedish metalcore outfit performs hardcore tech-rock and intense death-metal from the album, Aeons Black. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12.

Archie Sylvester, Blind Pilgrim, True Penny The London-based singer-songwriter and guitarist performs soulful blues-rock and indie-pop.

Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191). £7, adv £5.

Balthazar The five-piece from Belgium plays catchy, wiry indie-pop to promote the album Rats. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £6.

Gary Barlow, Nell Bryden The singer-songwriter, musician and The X Factor judge, who gained fame as a member of the 1990s chart-topping boyband Take That, performs pop and soft rock hits spanning his entire musical career. Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0844 249 1000). £35 & £65, phone for availability.

Blindness, Creatures Of Love, Hunting Party The Londonbased four-piece performs a dark blend of electro, industrial and alternative rock.

Shacklewell Arms, Shacklewell Ln, E8 2EB (020 7249 0810). £8, adv £6.

Curxes, Trelawney The Brighton-based duo performs synth-driven glam electro-pop.

The Sebright Arms, Coate St, E2 9AG (020 7729 0937). £7, adv £5.

The False Beards, Shelagh McDonald Old-style psychedelic folk from the two-piece outfit.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). Adv £10.

Rebekka Karijord The Norwegian singer-songwriter and musician plays lilting and ethereal alternative folk and ambient pop. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £7.50.

koko.uk.com

Solange New York-based singer, sister of Beyonce, performs synth-heavy R‘n’B, soul-pop and dance.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). Also Thu. Adv £12.

Thursday 17 Funkification Funk, soul and disco eight-piece. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, free before 10pm.

Letka, Ebe Oke The duo of vocalist Sandra O’Neill and multi-instrumentalist Peter Chilvers plays alternative country music. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £8.

JD McPherson, Sean Rowe R‘n’B and rock ‘n’ roll by the Oklahoma-born singer-songwriter.

Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £12.50.

The Mercenaries, Eyes Like Eyes, Jesica Mary York Riff-based alternative rock and metal by the band from New Delhi.

Archangel, Kensington High St, W8 5NP (020 7938 4137). £7, adv £5.

Miguel, Daley R‘n’B by the singer-songwriter and producer, Miguel Jontel Pimentel, from Los Angeles, California. The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £22.50, phone for availability.

Millennium Eagles Jazz Band New Orleans-style outfit led by reeds player Matt Palmer.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £9.

Sinead O’Connor The award-winning, Glenagearyborn singer-songwriter performs acoustic alt-pop and new wave folk-rock.

LSO St Luke’s, Old St, EC1V 9NG (020 7638 8891/ cc 0845 120 7591). £20 & £30.

Peter Hook And The Light The bass player and band perform New Order’s Movement and Power Corruption & Lies. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £20.

Alt-J The Mercury Prize award-winning four-piece from Leeds performs experimental electro-rock and indie-pop, with touches of hip-hop and trip hop, from its debut album, An Awesome Wave. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). Also Sat. £14.

The Apostates, Pharaohs, Rip Roaring Cats, Vice Like Grip The London-based outfit performs lively punk-rock.

The Workshop, Old St, EC1V 9EY (020 7253 6787). £5, adv £4.

Dropkick Murphys, Crowns The band from Quincy, Massachusetts, plays lively punk-rock and Celtic punk to promote the album Signed And Sealed In Blood.

The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). Also Sat. £21.

Drugstore, Sweet Sweet Lies Altpop from London-based, Brazilian singer-songwriter and bassist Isabel Monteiro with her band.

St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). £14.

Groove Instinct The septet from Guildford play funk, soul and pop covers. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, free before 10pm.

The Knights Of The Realm, Stonethief, West Of The Sun, Luiza Time Classic rock by the four-piece band from London.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.

Empire Affair, Paul Hegley Band, Interkid, Stereo Influence Indierock and post-punk by the Bournemouth-based band.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £7, adv/concs £5.

G&G Sindikatas The band from Vilnius, Lithuania, plays hip-hop and rap. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £15.

Sandra Kerr, Janet Russell, Rosie Davis And Peta Webb The singer-songwriter and musician outfit plays folk to promote the album No Change Of Heart. Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £15.

Malambo The band performs Musica Criolla from the Peruvian coastal regions. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12, adv £10.

Brian Peters The singer and concertina player plays lively traditional English folk. Cellar Upstairs Folk Club at The Exmouth Arms, Starcross St, NW1 1HR (020 7281 7700). £7, mems £6, unwaged £5.50.

The Pink Singers The community choir performs pop covers, showtunes and classical pieces.

Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £12-£24, NUS/OAP/mems £20.

The Souls Electronica and dance by the Glasgowbased twosome, with DJs Jagz Kooner and Ali Ooft.

Momo, Heddon St, W1B 4BH (020 7434 4040). £12, mems £10.

Sunday 20

Longfellow, The Cosmoplitan Quartet, Jana Page & Rollo Spreckley, Michelle McManus A mixture of folk and indie from the London-based band.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £8, £7 before 10pm.

Son Yambu Original and classic Cuban son music by the Londonlocated outfit. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10.

Zeeteah Singer Zeeteah Massiah from Barbados, now based in London, performs a mixture of dance, R‘n’B and house with her backing band.

MAP Studio Cafe, Grafton Rd, NW5 3DU (020 7916 0545). £12.

Saturday 19 Asking Alexandria Metalcore by the York-based band.

O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £16.

Gilad Atzmon Israeli world-bop saxophonist.

The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

The Broadway Twisters, Chi Chi Revolver, The Bohemianauts, TheDamn Jammage, Aurora Galore, Louisa Jones & Whiskey Moon Face The lively quartet performs alt-country and rockabilly. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £12, adv £9.99.

Born Gold American songwriter and musician Cecil Frena performs experimental pop, with elements of techno, garage, shoegaze, and house, to promote the album Little Sleepwalker. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

Donny And Marie Pop, R‘n’B and disco from the American duo and members of chart-topping family group The Osmonds.

The O2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £45-£75.

Kendrick Lamar The rapper and songwriter from Compton, California performs hip-hop and gangsta rap from the album Good Kid, m.A.A.d City.

Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0844 249 1000). £22.50-£30, phone for availability.

Sudden Exit Rock and alternative pop by the London-based four-piece.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

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Waitangi Day Party Celebrate all things Kiwi with your old buddies TNT on Waitangi Day!

Come and join us after work down at the Bison & Bird in Clapham for some brews and fancy drinks, NZ food and booze specials, plus classic Kiwi tunes and good times until late! Preregister now and receive a feijoa and apple cocktail on arrival before 7pm.

Best dressed comp: can you beat this?

February 6, 5pm until late. Tickets are free when you pre-register on our website Bison & Bird, 182 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/waitangi

TNT Australia Day Bash INFERNOS, CLAPHAM

January 26, 9am-9pm – that’s 12 hours of power! Tickets are free when you pre-register Infernos, 146 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UH Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/australiaday

SAVE THE DATE: TNT March Travel Show 2013

TNT’s next travel show will take place over two days, bringing you amazing discounts on bucket-list trips and expert advice on where to go and how to do it. Plus the famous Lucky Dip returns! Check out the website below for more.

March 9 & 10, times TBC Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street, Islington, N1 0QH tnttravelshow.com

KEEP MISSING

YOUR TNT? DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR! If you live within the Greater London area, are aged between 18-39 and plan to travel abroad in the next 12 months then you will qualify for a free subscription*. Simply click go to www.tntmagazine.com/subscribe, fill in your details and we will process your subscription - job done! You should start to receive your weekly issue of TNT shortly. Don’t forget to answer one of the ABC questions at the bottom of the form otherwise we will be unable to process your subscription.

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Photos: TNT, Thinkstock

Being on the other side of the world is no excuse for ignoring Australia Day. Get together with your fellow countrymen for Oz’s biggest day of celebration, with TNT and Busabout’s bash on January 26. The event, at Infernos in Clapham, is all set to be a top ‘12 hours of power’, with drink specials galore, a free VB for those who pre-register on our website, kangaroo boxing, heaps of live entertainment and music, plus the ultimate best dressed competition with more than £1300 in Busabout prizes up for grabs on the day! Oh, and of course it wouldn’t be a proper Australia Day party without the Triple J Hottest 100 blasting out for your aural pleasure!

FREE

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Sara Quin

Half of Canadian sister duo Tegan and Sara on their new indie-pop album, sibling secrets and “fucking rainbows” INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Your new album, Heartthrob, is a bit of a departure, more pop than indie-rock...

Before we do any record we look at the demos to see if there’s a vibe sticking out, if it’s more of a guitar or keyboard record. But with this one, we’d talked about what sort of production and producers we wanted to work with. It has to be something any Tegan and Sara fan would get. The songwriting and voice is what people associate with our band, but we wanted to open the band up to new opportunities.

Why look for a more diverse audience?

We’ve done enough travelling to know indie-rock is a niche market – it’s not as big internationally as in the US and Australia. We’d had success outside our genre with people like Tiesto doing electronic music, and being pop music connoisseurs, we were able to grab from these areas to make something that sounds like us.

Is it more upbeat than your 2009 release Sainthood?

If I was left to my own devices, we would make much sadder and less popular records. There was an active choice, even if a song was going to be a real heartbreaker, to focus on production that would lift the song out of shoegaze, subtle mode. We didn’t want them to be lost, but to be able to play them on a festival stage. We wanted something that sounds like a fucking rainbow coming out of the speakers.

Photo: Getty

Which artists influenced the writing?

I fell in love with The-Dream. It is more R‘n’B and hip-hop but has intense production and melodies, it felt like I was listening to a future version of Prince. And people like Robyn and Alicia Keys, stuff that reminded me of music I listened to growing up with powerful melodies and heartbreaking lyrics. I remember being obsessed with Keys’ Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart when it came out in 2009 and wanting it to be my song!

How was it doing support slots last year with The Killers at The O2?

It’s our seventh record so we decided to do support slots and focus more on radio. We are either ambitious or masochists, we don’t know yet. You spend all these years at the start

Other half: Sara and Tegan’s pop influences now run riot fighting to build your own audience to play to and now we’ve arrived at a place where there could be significant growth, it feels good to get in front of an audience that doesn’t know every chord to every song.

How does the set reflect this?

We’ve learned over years of support tours that what works best is the music, so we’re playing the hits. Now we can keep an audience interested without too many lulls – rather than: “Oh, it is a deep cut from their album in 2003 ...

I’m going to the back.” When we are doing our own stuff, we’re able to give a broader look at the band, play more songs and tell stories, but when opening for someone else, we want to win people over. But you have to have a thick skin as not every night is amazing.

How do you react to tough shows?

It varies. I’m not as dramatic as I used to be.

There used to be nights where I’d be existentially challenged thinking, “We may have made a huge mistake with what we decided to do with our lives!” As an adult with experience now I’m able to self-soothe more quickly.

Do you still get anxious releasing and touring a new record?

I do, but it’s a positive anxiety – it’s not stage fright or throwing up in the bathroom, it’s I want

to feel in control because it can be hard to keep yourself together when you’re about to walk out in front of 10,000 people!

What’s the secret to being a successful sibling duo for 13 years?

It’s being forgiving of the times when you are going through bad patches, that is a big part of it. I hate to compare it to a marriage, but it is similar in terms of when people want to combine their resources and have a long-term future involving each other.

Do you have differences of opinion?

There are times when we do go down different paths and we do have to figure out how to get back on the road we’ve said we’d go down. Once in a while it is OK to go down a path of conflict if it gets you feeling good again, though.

What’s life on the road like now?

It is different to how it was in my twenties. When we were figuring out how to be adults, the road was an extension of home, but now it’s clearer how weird and dysfunctional it is to live in a travelling circus. I try to make the road feel like home rather than when I was younger when I’d try to make home feel like the road.

Heartthrob is out February 11 through Warner

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LONDONSCENE

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Let’s go to work: Brolin leads the rogue squad

gangster squad FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone | 15 | 112mins | Out now

the sessions FILM Starring: John Hawkes, Helen Hunt | 15 | 96mins

This drama is based on the true story of poet, journalist and polio-paraplegic Michael O’Brien, particularly his experimentation with his own sexuality through the use of a ‘sex surrogate’. Hawkes has won plaudits for his portrayal of O’Brien with Hunt enjoying one of her most conspicuous roles for some time in what is already an Oscar-tipped drama.

On general release from January 18 24

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Director Ruben Fleischer follows up his cult smash Zombieland with this Forties LA gangster flick, marking something of a departure. It seems, though, that working on this larger canvass – bigger cast, budget etc – is a natural fit as he fashions an enjoyable, even if forgettable, action blast.

So the plot: Los Angeles, 1949, and Chicago mobster Mickey Cohen (prostheticaided Penn in full-on grizzly, shouty mode) is looking to take over the City of Angels. War vet Sergeant O’Mara (duty-bound yet ass-kicking Brolin) and a band of off-the-clock cops, the titular squad, are on a mission to stop him.

Despite its setting and time period, this is not Chinatown (even though a cheeky camera move sweeps over a sign in the city’s said district). It’s more Warren Beatty’s 1990 Dick Tracy, as the grim and grimy setting is turned into a comic book styled action-fest – the bullets fly, the bad guys are ugly and the good guys heroic; a true heroes-versus-villains tale. There are moments that look to add depth, the war heroes back from the frontline who can’t stop fighting, and the brains of the squad, Giovani Ribisi’s tech-head Keeler, wondering where to draw the line between being a cop and goon; but it hardly scratches the surface.

Just as well the surface is so glittering with bold, brash production, sweeping jazz sounds, and a script crackling with spiky dialogue that never takes itself too seriously (a scene where a failed thug meets a drill-kill end immediately cuts to a raw burger pattie on a barbecue). It’s frothy and silly but hugely entertaining.

Good for: A good old-fashioned and indulgent bit of escapism

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GIVE US A

the political party

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Former political adviser to the Labour Party Matt Forde hosts this political and current affairs show in which he picks apart politics and the key figures at its heart. His guest at this first gig is none other than George Galloway, the former Labour man who dressed as a cat on Celebrity Big Brother, so it’s sure to be eventful.

St James Theatre 12 Palace Street, SW1E 5JA. Jan 16. £10+ St James’s Park stjamestheatre.co.uk

wind blowing on the cape flats

somersaults

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Celebrated South African artist and writer Peter Clarke is the focus of this exhibition, which looks at the man and his work over a 60-year period as the ‘quiet chronicler’ of SA cultural and social upheaval. This major retrospective of Clarke’s career is the first substantial exhibition of his work in the UK.

Iain Finlay Macleod’s 70-minute play focusing on language’s importance for communication and preserving cultural and individual identity, doesn’t always work as 30-something James’ (David Carlyle) life disintegrates. A thought-provoking if awkwardly constructed investigation into how language defines us. LK

Rivington Place 1 Rivington Place, EC2A 3BA. Jan 16-Mar 9.

Free Old Street rivingtonplace.org

Finborough Theatre Finborough Road, SW10 9ED. Until Jan 26. £12+ Earl’s Court finboroughtheatre.co.uk

stella graham Tell us about this week’s show?

It’s the Laughing Horse New Act Competition, so there’s lots of new acts. It should be really good!

Where was your first show? It was in Auckland, NZ, in August 2008.

My mouth dried up on stage so much that someone had to pass me a drink. I still cringe.

Who is your comedy idol? That would have to be a Kiwi called Brendhan Lovegrove. He is so funny – he tears rooms apart with laughs.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen in your whole life?

Watching my mates fold up a mechanical sofa bed while my friend was still fast asleep on it. Hearing his voice coming from inside the sofa just did me in.

v/h/s

viva forever

FILM

THEATRE

Taking its scare-the-shit-out-of-you cues from the likes of Blair Witch, The Exorcist and Paranormal Activity, this new pseudo-real shocker sees a group of crims tasked with stealing the titular video only for things – on account of the very real and disturbed contents of the said vid – to go demonically fucked up. Scary as hell and great, jump-out-your-seat fun.

This jukebox Spice Girls musical proves a major disappointment. Comedian Jennifer Saunders’ story is derivative and littered with weak jokes.

She shoehorns in songs willy-nilly as a TV talent show judge pulls Viva out of a four-strong girl band to mentor in a last-ditch attempt to salvage her own fading career. LK

On general release from January 18

Piccadilly Theatre W1D 7DY. Until June 1. £20+ Piccadilly Circus vivaforeverthemusical.com

What was the strangest gig you’ve done? A coffee bar in Auckland for three people. The mic was taped to the stand – it may have been a Singstar mic – and everyone was there for coffee and not expecting a gig.

Laughing Horse New Act Of The Year, Jan 18. £5 The Old Ship, TW9 1ND Richmond laughinghorsecomedy.co.uk

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Oliver Thornton as the good Doctor Frank-N-Furter and, right, Tim Curry in 1975’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show

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[Caption]

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The Time Warp comes to town The Rocky Horror Show celebrates its 40th anniversary with a brand new tour. Make sure you’re at the party Words alasdair morton The Les Misérables stage show is 33 years old. The Phantom Of The Opera is 37. The Rocky Horror Show, a rock ‘n’ roll musical of seminally epic proportions, marks its 40th anniversary this year with a new production and tour.

Not bad for a show dreamed up by a young man, Richard O’Brien, aching to escape his small town isolation.

“It has survived because it is a voice for the people that feel a bit different and unlike everybody else,” explains Oliver Thornton, who plays the show’s iconic fishnets-wearing Frank-N-Furter, most iconically portrayed by Tim Curry in both the 1973 stage original and the follow-up movie two years later. “There is a famous line – ‘Don’t dream it, be it’ – about having the courage to live your life as you want to, and that has resonance whether it’s the Seventies or 2013.”

This new anniversary show, which began a year-long UK tour in December and pulls into Wimbledon this month, is looking to be more than just a revival of the famous show and its suspenders, singalongs and the sort of unique audience involvement you just don’t get at other musicals.

“We tried to make it feel as real as possible,” Thornton explains. “It is still raunchy and everything you’d expect it to be, but without becoming a pantomime, and it’s stronger because of this. You can come and dance and party but if you want something a bit more substantial it’s there, too.”

For Rocky Horror virgins out there, the show tells of an all-American couple, Brad Majors (Ben Forster, winner of ITV’s Superstar – “I’ve gone from Jesus to G-strings”) and Janet Weiss (Emmerdale’s Roxanne Pallett), who break down in remote nowheresville. It is here that they wind up looking for assistance at the bizarre home of the eccentric transvestite scientist Dr Frank-N-Furter (Thornton) as he’s about to unleash his creation, Rocky Horror (X Factor’s Rhydian Roberts), with time-warping results that take in the trademark fishnets, escapist rock ‘n’ roll musical numbers, and a loving mockery of science fiction, B-movie nonsense.

This re-tweaked take on O’Brien’s classic, directed by Christopher Luscombe, looked to add something new but without upsetting the dedicated fanbase, a feat which has been a daunting proposition for the cast, thanks to the inherent pressure in portraying such idolised characters.

“There is a pressure with the cult following that know and love what people have done in the past – you don’t want to upset them and go too far away from all of their favourite

characters. But you don’t want to do the same as everyone else,” Forster explains boldly of the new production’s aims.

“I didn’t research the other [Brads] as I wanted to do a fresh take, the funniest and sincerest version I could. My Brad, who is a really straight-laced guy, is kind of a geek, and I’m not sure everyone has done that before.”

“

I’ve gone from Jesus Christ to G-strings

”

Thornton adds: “I met a woman who had an image of Frank tattooed on her shoulder. I was conscious that some of the fans would have seen every Frank going, some of them had seen Tim Curry in the original production even, so you don’t want to disappoint them.”

The up-for-it cast are joined by a substantial budget, and ››

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27

It’s alive: the cast on stage in Brighton

the grand sets and designs that brings – particular attention was paid to such finer points as the material and trim of Frank-N-Furter’s corset, even – ensures this anniversary tour is dressed to impress, in every single way.

Hitting the road at the end of last year, the cast were quick to learn Rocky Horror fans are in a league of their own, such is the show’s esteemed place in people’s hearts.

“There is nothing quite like it as far as the audience is involved,” Forster enthuses of his experiences so far. “I had heard all about it but it is more than I was expecting. It’s absolute hell!” he adds, joking.

The involvement he is speaking of extends far beyond turning up to performances in full on Rocky Horror costume, but to being actively involved in the show itself.

Shouting out and screaming at the characters on stage throughout the performance is customary.

“Traditionally you shout out insults at us and that takes time to get used to,” Thornton explains of what sounds like a heckle, but is in fact loving audience participation.

“You have to be really switched on and quick-witted,”

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The Rocky Horror Show plays at the New Wimbledon Theatre. Jan 21-26. £10+ 93 The Broadway, SW19 1QG rockyhorror.co.uk Wimbledon

Photos: Manuel Harlan

“Damn it, Janet, I love you”

Forster adds of the perils that come with an excited crowd interjecting at any given moment. “Your timing has to be spot on to fit all the different audience lines in. During the first line in my solo song Once In A While, someone always shouts, ‘Brad – how much do you wank?!’ And I have to keep a straight face and keep going.”

For Frank-N-Furter, the inquisitions are just as relentless.

“The majority of shout-outs revolve around his genitalia,” Thornton laughs. “So there is a lot of reference to my groin – as a boy originally from the sticks in Wales, it’s a good thing I have thick enough make-up to hide my blushing.”

Sometimes, the distractions that come while trying to keep a straight face don’t even have to be of the vocal variety, as Forster and Pallett discovered in Brighton last year, where the show’s mammoth tour kicked off.

“I got flashed,” Forster recalls of one particular night on the south coast. “It was a woman of the larger variety and she honestly had the biggest boobs I have ever seen. Me and Roxanne were doing our opening number and she nudged me going, ‘Look ...’ I looked down and was in absolute hysterics. We came off stage and they were going, ‘What were you laughing at?’, thinking we were being naughty or something. When we said, ‘She’s got her boobs out!’ they just went, ‘Oh, alright then.’”

This tour is far from a victory lap or a final farewell tour, as you might expect from some rock dinosaur entering their fourth decade on the road, and is proof that there is plenty of life – on and off the stage – in the show yet. So what exactly is the secret to its longevity? The answer is actually quite simple, according to Forster.

“It celebrates people’s inner thoughts. If you’re a gay man, a straight man, a lesbian, if you feel you want to dress up and go wild and shout something out, it is no holds barred. It celebrates people and non-conformity, with a crazy storyline and great music – that’s the secret.”

Thornton agrees, adding: “It won’t ever become dated – I’m sure there will be an 80th anniversary tour, too!” Sounds like it’s time for a trip to see the doctor. ❚

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AN 8-DAY ANZAC TOUR FOR TWO TNT has teamed up with Travel Talk to give one lucky reader an eight-day ANZAC tour for two people worth £820.

The tour starts in Istanbul on April 20, giving you the chance to experience the magnificence of Turkey’s largest city. You’ll then have plenty of time to take in the sights of the Gallipoli peninsula and attend the dawn service. There will also be a chance to visit the ancient cities of Pergamum, Ephesus, Troy and Hierapolis. Then marvel at the fairytale scenery of Pamukkale before returning to Gallipoli, where you’ll visit the sights in depth and without the crowds.

The tour includes three- and four-star hotel accommodation, transportation in a modern airconditioned bus, the services of experienced guides, ANZAC BBQ, Bosphorus cruise, as well as most breakfasts and dinners.

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SPARETIME

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Sniper: Ghost Warrior 2 – Limited Edition

Everything Everything: Arc

Games

CD

The indie art-rockers return with their hotly anticipated sophomore long player. £9 amazon.co.uk

Sniper sequel powered by the CryENGINE3 – whatever that is. Sounds mighty impressive. £26.99 play.com

A$AP Rocky: Long Live A$AP

DMC Devil May Cry Games

A more brutal and visceral addition to the iconic, demonic series. £37.49 amazon.co.uk

CD

The debut album from the combative Harlemborn rapper. £9 play.com

Zombies, run!

5k Training

Zoe Griffin: Get Rich Blogging

Android app

A running app with hordes of the undead on your ass to make sure you keep up. £0.69 play.google.com

Book

Tells you how you too can make your millions through getting paid to party and then gabbing about it. £7.99 amazon.co.uk

Facebook poke iPhone app

Mimi Spencer: The Fast Diet

The self-destructing image sender that’s definitely not just for sexting. No way.

Free itunes.apple.com

Book

It’s January, so time for the diet plans. This one promises to allow you to eat what you want when you want and still lose weight. Winner. £7.99 amazon.co.uk

Red Glug Water Bottle Gadget

For when you want to drink out of a fire extinguisher. £10

Lawless

urbanoutfitters.co.uk

DVD

Aussie John Hillcoat directs this blood-soaked tale of a trio of Virginia moonshineselling brothers. Top stuff. £12.50 play.com

Dredd DVD

Karl Urban stars as the chin-cop in this reboot of the 2000AD comic creation. £11.99 play.com

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Spy Camera Gadget

For spying on people wirelessly in mini DV. £14.49 play.com

App of the Week Sonic Jump Android app

The famous hedgehog who leapt into competition with Mario and Luigi is back with 48 levels of smartphone gaming. £1.46 play.google.com

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Sat Feb 16, 7.30 PM till late Free Shot on arrival* 2 4 1 on Sol vodka mixers all night Full Moon Party buckets £9.95 Book online: tntmagazine.com/geek Belushi’s in London Bridge: 161-165 Borough High Street, Southwark, London SE1 1HR

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

Boxercise Have your own fantasy Rocky Balboa moment during this highintensity boxercise class. This full body workout is up there with all the great calorie-burning activities.

A group lesson, it’s based on the training that professional boxers use to condition themselves for real fights. But don’t worry, no one is actually going to get punched in the face. Instead, you’ll take your aggression out on the punching bags, not people. Not only does hitting stuff burn abnormal amounts of calories, it’s a terrific release for those in stressful jobs.

While there’s no physical contact whatsoever in this session, be prepared to be on the floor by the end of it. Boxercise classes are also effective at focusing your energy and increasing concentration, and similar activities have been proven to increase mental agility, hand/eye coordination, stamina and core strength. Believe us, boxercise is hugely addictive – but, hey, if you’re going to get hooked on anything, it might as well be something healthy, right? Classes are Tuesdays 6.30pm-7.30pm, and cost just £6 a session.

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Weird workouts Bored of the gym? Then try these strange fitness crazes instead, and banish that Christmas bulge Words Yara Silva and Jade bremner

Does the idea of monotonously jogging on the treadmill or precariously lifting weights next to an intimidating, grunting beefcake fill you with absolute dread? Then make sure 2013 is the year you try something new.

Here, we track down five quirky alternative workouts to rid you of those festive calories.

Hula-hoop Prancing around with a hula hoop is a great way to lose weight – you can burn up to 100 calories for every 10 minutes you spend doing these retro rotating pelvic thrust movements. Hoop dancing is an all-round fitness winner as it works your love handles and also has extreme cardio-factor. Hulahoop fanatics also claim there’s something very zen about their activity – they say they do it for therapeutic reasons and even as a form of meditation.

PRICE: £9.50 per class or £48 for six weeks.

WHEN & WHERE: Weds, 7.30pm-8.30pm.

Hornsey Parish Church Hall, N10 3AH. hoopswhirled.com

Kangaroo jumping This kooky class is entirely dedicated to jumping like a roo. The organisers have bought a whole bunch of special jumpy shoes (called Kangoo Jumps), which you wear during the class. The bizarre footwear allows you to bounce up and down like Skippy, but it’s low impact, so it doesn’t cause damage to your feet or legs. In this high-energy aerobics class, they promise you’ll burn twice as many calories in the same time as you would without the superspecial footwear.

PRICE: £58pcm membership for all classes.

WHEN & WHERE: Tues, 7pm. Gymbox, 71 Lombard Street, EC3V 9AY. gymbox.co.uk

Bell ringing Bells are heavy. So heavy, in fact, they work like weights. So, bell ringing offers a hugely fun way to get fit. Join this group in creating jingles and benefit from improved reaction time, balance, muscle endurance, flexibility

Ethelred Estate Community Youth Club, 7 Lollard Street, SE11 6QH 020 7582 2012 Kennington

Hula yourself skinny 32

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Kanga-woo!

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WHAT’S NEW

Richard Ward Wooden Styling Brush Untangle your mop £14.76 qvcuk.com

Just hangin’: anti-gravity yoga and cardiovascular fitness. Plus, you’ll also make a bunch of new mates!

PRICE: Free.

WHEN & WHERE: 7.30-9.30pm Tues. St James, Thurland Road, Bermondsey, SE16 4AA8. docklandsringers.co.uk

A-grow-bics The thought of combining medieval stretching racks with aerobics terrifies us slightly, but this bonkers workout promises to not only get you fit, but it’ll add inches as well. Trainer Pierre Pozzuto has been through the process himself and insists he grew from 5’7” to 5’9”. He’s so convinced it works that he’ll give you your money back if it doesn’t. Expect lots of hanging around –

talk about a workout with a headrush.

PRICE: £200 for a six-week course.

WHEN & WHERE: Times vary. Gymbox, 20 Farringdon Road, EC1M 3AP. gymbox.co.uk

Moa The Green Balm Slap it on any area and get soft £9.99 thegreenbalm.com

Anti-gravity yoga It may sound silly, but wrapping yourself in a hammock and performing yoga moves in the air is 10 times more taxing than when done on the floor, say the experts. You’ll build serious strength and flexibility, fast.

PRICE: £25 for 70 minutes.

WHEN & WHERE: Weds, 8.30pm.

London Dance Academy, The Basement, 49-51 Central Street, EC1V 8AB. thelondondanceacademy.com

Conditioning whipped cream For an ultra shiny finish £14.29 milkshakehaircare.co.uk

Photos: Nike; Thinkstock

top treatment: Dermalogica Facial This isn’t just a facial, oh no. It also includes a shoulder and face massage, plus blackhead extraction, just right for detoxing after New Year’s Eve. The face mask is designed to revitalise and re-energise dull winter skin, and the therapists claim it will leave you feeling all soft and youthful. They will pamper you rotten in this relaxing spa. It costs £48 for a 60-minute session, so it won’t leave you feeling like you’ve broken the bank either.

260 Upper Street, N1 2UQ

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Highbury & Islington

TIANA Argan Fresh Coconut TLC Intensive hair hydration £12.99 tiana-coconut.com tntMagazine.com

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Care Assistants Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications

Recruiting carers within London that have experience and the right attitude towards delivering a high level of service.

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Work within the guidelines of the company policies

CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 2310

Please forward a cv to: Max@care24seven.com

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Policy Adviser (Economic) Location: London If you are skilled in undertaking policy research projects and are looking for interesting employment, see www.nzembassy.com/uk for a position description and application form. Applicants must be able to obtain a New Zealand Government security clearance and have the right to live and work in the UK. A CV and covering letter can be emailed to property@newzealandhc.org.uk Applications close at 5pm Monday 21 January. Only shortlisted applicants will be contacted.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Office Furniture Fitters and Porters Location: London and the UK Salary: Per hour If you are physically fit and able to have a good time, then why not join our team of office furniture fitters and porters. You will have the opportunity to work in some of the most prestigious buildings in London, and travel the UK. Tools and CSCS are an advantage but not a necessity.

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cash-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

Free Fish ‘n’ chips No matter how broke xxxxxxxxx you are this month, you Xxxxxxxxxxx can still enjoy slap-up traditional English fare. xxxxxxxxx Get yourself into a BHS Xxxxxxxxxxx for a winter carb fix. The UK’s favourite department xxxxxxxxx store is offering free fish Xxxxxxxxxxx and chips every Friday until February 9, when xxxxxxxxx you buy a hot drink at Xxxxxxxxxxx its in-store restaurant.

Photos: Getty

slice of the action Pizza Express is jumping on the discount food bandwagon, too. It’s offering a whopping 40 per cent off in-restaurant orders between Monday and Thursday. To cash-in on this top offer, simply visit the pizzaexpress. com, enter your details and get your unique code before you visit one of its branches. Sorted!

50 per cent off H&M Treat yourself to a new top, coat or dress this week by shopping at H&M online. Type in this secret code – 0362 – at the checkout and you will get a very decent 50 per cent off any item. Make it the most expensive one. Make sure you visit hm.com now. You’re so welcome!

work every day instead of eating out – it’ll save you a fortune! Also, I’m a vegetarian which helps as it’s much cheaper to buy vegetables than to buy meat.

Alicia Bainbridge, 22 Job Telesales From Croydon Lives Canada Water How do you budget?

I’m saving to go travelling

What was your last big blow out on?

I bought plane tickets to go to Singapore this month with my boyfriend. so everything I earn at the moment goes towards that.

I’m trying my best not to spend very much!

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Take packed lunches to

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Having nights out in London can be really expensive, so a lot of my money goes towards my social life when I’m not saving it.

how THEY spend it!

Celebrity spending 2012 We look back at how the rich and famous parted with their shedloads of cash last year, from £155k manicures to £34k black aligator backpacks. Whatever will 2013 bring?

Nailing it: diamonds aren’t forever for Kelly Osbourne

❚ Jeweller Azature gave one potty gift to Kelly Osborne.

They offered up diamond jewels worth £155,819 for her to simply wear on her nails on the red carpet.

❚ In 2012, Oprah released a list of her favourite stuff for the year. She admitted that her preferred soap is Lafco, and it sets her back £10.59 a bar. Yikes!

❚ The Olsen Twins designed a black alligator backpack with artist Damien Hirst worth a staggering £34,280.

Some packs were dotty and some were made multicolored pills. Plain bizarre.

❚ Allegedly, Beyonce bought Jay-Z a Hublot Big Bang watch worth a bonkers £3.11m and a Bombardier Challenger 850, priced at around £24m. Because, you know, everyone needs a jet.

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LIFESTYLEliving Home

Style .00

£15

Royal coat hooks For a wannabe king and queen suck.uk.com

.00

£19

cuckooland.com

.95

£11

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Live like a legend Make your address where London’s most historic figures made their names Words Jade Bremner

Plant salad servers Ideal for those with green fingers

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For all the incredible entertainment, art and culture in London, it’s the rich history of the place that gives it such a distinct identity that is the envy of the world. And yet, it’s so easy for this city’s slickers to skip by the character of the past and wind up in the nondescript ‘burbs.

So here are a few areas packed with personality, which inspired literary greats, where gangsters ruled and rock stars first riffed. This is how to start living history.

Start it up in Soho: where the Stones and Sex Pistols’ journeys first began [Caption] Two victims, prostitutes Catherine Eddowes and Elizabeth Stride, were said to be regulars at The Ten Bells (tenbells.com), a pub still on Commercial Street. This part of town was sketchy a century ago, but many locals say it was ‘cleaned up’ when the Kray twins, Ronnie and Reggie, and their famed gang The Firm, were at the height of their power. Nearby, at The Blind Beggar (theblindbeggar.com), Ronnie famously shot rival gangster George Cornell. Both pubs

Covent Garden, WC2

Vintage cake stands Retro and very fashionable alisonathome.com

.00

£11

LEGEND HAS IT: Charles Dickens lived, worked and hung out in this famous part of town, and would conjure up stories at Rules (rules.co.uk), which is now London’s oldest restaurant, dating back to 1798.

Eat and Drink: The Seven Stars pub (53-54 Carey St, tel. 020 7242 8521) is one of the oldest boozers in the city and among the few to survive the Great Fire of London.

LIVE: This central location doesn’t come cheap. David J W Smith, senior negotiator at EA Shaw, tells us: “The majority of converted apartments in the area will be found in Victorian and Edwardian buildings, usually above commercial space. Rent for one-bed flats is around £600 per week.” Ouch.

TUBE: Covent Garden.

Whitechapel, E1

Monkey bottom wine jar Put a cork in it, will you? cuckooland.com

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LEGEND HAS IT: Serial killer Jack the Ripper roamed around here in 1888 before he murdered his victims. Back then, he was known as the ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’.

The Krays: East London gangsters now buzz with trendy types sinking a pint after shopping at vibrant Spitalfields Market (spitalfields.co.uk). A truly happening place.

Eat and Drink: The Commercial Tavern (142 Commercial St, tel. 020 7247 1888) is a great little pub where a young clientele enjoys an interior covered with retro Popeye wallpaper and clever puzzle mosaics. For dinner, try Boho Mexica (bohomexica.co.uk).

Covered in vintage Latino movie posters, it serves mean burritos and mojitos.

LIVE: Carl Davenport, associate director at

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MY AREA Lydia Smith

Filmmaker 27

“The Barbican is an amazing building and theatre from the Sixties – it has the most incredible views. I would love to live there if I could.”

Neasa Terry

Digital Marketer 31

Ripper pub: Jack territory

Chesterton Humberts Tower Bridge, says: “There is a diverse mix of property – some beautiful Georgian squares still exist today.

Average rental prices for a one-bed are £250-£300 per week.” Bargain. Sort of.

TUBE: Shoreditch High Street.

Bobana Parojcic Make-up Artist 32

Photos: Thinkstok; Getty; Melita Kiely

Soho, W1 LEGEND HAS IT: Soho’s all about latenight clubs now, so not much has changed since the 1800s, when the area was packed with prostitutes, dance halls and small theatres. As Thomas Burke wrote in 1915: “When the respectable Londoner wants to feel devilish he goes to Soho.” From the Thirties to the Sixties the many pubs made a killing off poets, artists and writers, such as Dylan Thomas. George Orwell and co. frequented places such as The Dog And Duck (18 Bateman Street, tel. 020 7494 0697) and many pubs like it which remain. In the Sixties, the Rolling Stones first performed in The Marquee Club (themarqueeclub.co.uk) and in the Seventies the Sex Pistols made their name while living at 6 Denmark Street – today the road is known for its clutter of musical instrument stores, so the next big music movement could start here, too.

Eat and Drink: Book a table at La Bodega Negra (labodeganegra.com), a Mexican restaurant behind a sleazy sex shop front.

LIVE: Smith reckons only party animals need apply: “Those looking for the quiet life should avoid Soho – the area never sleeps.”

One-beds cost around £600 a week.

TUBE: Oxford Street.

“Spitalfields is a great place to live.

The historic old market, buildings and cute old houses are very iconic, and there’s so much going on in the area.”

The City, EC1 LEGEND HAS IT: The first Governor of Australia, Admiral Arthur Phillip, lived on Bread Street when he joined the Royal Navy in 1755 before setting sail for Oz. On January 26, 1788, he arrived at Sydney Cove, the first Australia Day. In 1593, William Shakespeare once lived in Bishopsgate before apparently buying a house near the Blackfriars Theatre.

Eat and Drink: Word is that a fave Dickens drinking hole when he was creating Great Expectations was the ominous-sounding Dirty Dicks (dirtydicks.co.uk).

LIVE: Parts of the City are surprisingly affordable, according to Davenport.

“Average rental prices for a one bedroom is £400 per week,” he says. Fancy a property with a bit of history to it? “The City has some very old conversions in EC4,” he NEXT WEEK tells us, though there are modern apartments built London Aussies: Where’s best to in the Nineties, too. live in the city?

TUBE: Liverpool Street.

“Central London has tonnes of old charm. The beautiful architecture, historical buildings and monuments evoke images from bygone eras.

And there are loads of museums.”

Mathieu Xxxx Breton Xxxxxx

Restaurant [Occ. Age] Manager 26

“East London is my fave historical place. It’s very traditional both in how people dress and the buildings.

Spitalfields and Whitechapel are particularly cool as well.”

Melissa Levy Stylist 25

“Borough is the best historical area in London, because of its old markets. Plus, it’s close to great sites like London Bridge, Southbank and the Tate Modern.” tntMagazine.com

37

WORLDVIEW

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Spotted: lost above NZ?

‘UFO’ CRUISes over BAY OF ISLANDS NEW ZEALAND

A Kiwi man has claimed he spotted a UFO nonchalantly cruising over the Bay of Islands last week.

Rob Clarke insisted he was under the influence of no more than a cup of tea, but could not explain the pair of lights he saw moving across the sky outside his Paihia home on Sunday evening.

“I don’t believe in little green men, and the strongest thing I’d had was a cup of tea,” Mr Clarke told the New Zealand Herald. “I’m just interested to know what they were.” Mysterious. tweets of the week @12thManBillyB Great big fat huuuge thanks to all the fire fighters around Australia and the fabulous folks who keep them fed and watered. Heroes all @Political_Bill Alex Jones on the @PiersMorgan show illustrates why gun nuts are so afraid; it’s precisely those angry, disturbed types that don’t need guns

MCDONALD’S CHANGES NAME TO MACCA’S AUSTRALIA

One of the world’s most successful brands, McDonald’s, is changing its store signs to honour the nickname bestowed upon it by Aussies.

Signs on McDonald’s outlets across the country are being changed to read ‘Macca’s’, the name by which the fast food chain is best known Down Under.

“We’ve been a part of Australia for over 40 years now and we’re incredibly proud to embrace our ‘Australian-only’ nickname,” said Mark Lollback, chief marketing officer 38

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Lucky number 13: the year has got off to a flying start for Aussie actor Hugh Jackman, who has been nominated for the best actor award at both the BAFTAs and the Oscars, thanks to a sterling performance in the big screen version of Les Misérables. Naomi Watts also flew the flag by picking up a best actress Oscar nod for The Impossible

for McDonald’s Australia. “What better way to show Aussies how proud we are to be a part of the Australian community than by changing our store signs to the name the community has given us?”

The new name will be seen at 13 stores in the run up to Australia Day on January 26, before changing back in February.

FALLING TREE SHOCK KILLS PET FISH SOUTH AFRICA

A South African couple has told of the moment their pet fish died of shock thanks to a falling tree that cut their house clean in half.

KwaZulu-Natal couple Josh and Clair Dinnis said they were lucky to be alive after the tree fell onto their house in Merrivale

during a storm. It smashed through the roof and two brick walls, slicing their home into two halves.

Following the incident, the Dinnis’s rushed to do a head count of their pets, which include horses, cats and dogs.

The pair said the animals were all fine, apart from one unfortunate individual.

The fish they had bought just a month earlier sadly did not survive – “It died of shock,” Josh told News 24. RIP, Goldie. You will be missed.

Josh added that he wasn’t sure whether the house was insured as he and his wife are renting it.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 300 How safe? There have been calls for better global regulations for zorbing

Amount, in millions, of mince pies sold by Greggs over Christmas, setting a new record.

You fat bastards!

ZORBING INVENTORS WARN OF ‘COWBOYS’ NEW ZEALAND

The New Zealanders who invented adventure sport zorbing have spoken out against “cowboy” operators after a Russian man died during a zorb ride at a ski resort.

Father-of-two Denis Burakov, 27, died when the zorb ball he was riding in skidded off the Russian ski field and plunged down a rocky ravine. It was caught on video.

Kiwi co-creator of zorbing Andrew Akers called the operators “cowboys”, according to The New Zealand Herald, while Zorb Ltd, which developed the sport, has called for a global code of safe operations. It is thought there was no fence in place to stop the zorb ball from rolling over the cliff edge at the Russian resort. Zorb Ltd chief executive Hope Horrocks described the death as being “very troubling”.

It is understood the operators who organised the ride are being investigated as part of a criminal case into “causing death through providing unsafe services”.

ALLIGATOR IS FOUND GUARDING WEED STASH

Photos: AAP; Thinkstock; Getty

UNITED STATES

Police in California were forced to face down a five-foot alligator called Mr Teeth during a drugs bust.

Officers from the Alameda County sheriff’s department discovered the reptile guarding 15.4kg of marijuana as they carried out a probation check at a property in Castro Valley.

According to NBC News, the gator was found inside a plexiglass tank, and was being used as a deterrent should anyone attempt to get their hands on the weed.

Number of Brazilian prostitutes expected to sign up to free English language courses ahead of the 2014 World Cup

4 Don’t mess with a gator’s ganja The cops arrested Assif Mayar on suspicion of possessing marijuana for sale.

The drugs had been dried and processed.

Mr Teeth was apparently “very ill” when he was found and has been taken to Oakland Zoo to recuperate. Mayar reportedly acquired Mr Teeth in 1996 to commemorate the death of US rapper Tupac Shakur.

SMOKING SMURFS ARE ASSAULT SUSPECTS AUSTRALIA

Four Smurfs have been arrested over an assault at a Melbourne store.

A Pascoe Vale man was buying cigarettes at a convenience store when he was approached by a man painted blue and dressed as a character from the Eighties cartoon, police said.

The Smurf asked for a cigarette and was offered one, but he demanded the man light it before handing it over. The man refused and was later assaulted.

Police called for the smoking Smurf and three Smurfy mates to come forward over the assault. Four men handed themselves into police after the appeal. They are expected to be charged on summons with assault-related offences, police said.

8.5

Number of cups of tea you should drink every day to reduce the risk of stroke, according to scientists in Stockholm

Price, in millions of pounds, of a penthouse apartment in the new Battersea Power Station luxury development

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK I’d have [them] dragged to the edge of the village and flogged Serial moaner Morrissey doesn’t mince his words when discussing David and Victoria Beckham with Loaded magazine

It’s been a harrowing week of news from Down Under – bushfires, Big Bash bust-ups – but don’t worry, TNTonline has got it all covered.

For a daily distillation of the best news from Down Under check out tntmagazine.com

G N I D A E R E BREAKTIM What’s on

e

lines all in one plac

eas and news head in London, travel id

VIRAL NEWS TNTmagazine.com is the best place to catch up on all the latest from Down Under, and the most hilarious news stories from across the web

BIRD-BRAINED KFC STAFF SERVED MAN ‘BIRD BRAINS’ A British teenager found the mystery organ when he visited the fast food joint with a friend

WHAT’S ON IN LONDON

SNAKES ON A PLANE! PYTHON FILMED ON QANTAS Passengers aboard a Qantas flight were shocked to see a python flapping wildly on the plane’s wing

eti .com/yDOWN tntmagazine NEWS FROM UNDER tntmagazine.com/apes

BUSHFIRES SWEEP THROUGH TASMANIA AND NSW TNT is the best place to keep up to date with all the breaking news about the bushfires in Australia

tntmagazine.com/bushfires

SHANE WARNE CLASHES WITH MARLON SAMUELS Warne and Samuels clashed during the Melbourne Big Bash derby – video of the incident went viral

tntmagazine.com/big-bash-up

MAGAZINE.COM

Check out reviews, listings and the best of London’s nightlife in our jam-packed London section.

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Your shout: have a pint for charity

Giving up booze – bad for you and annoying as piss

Photo: Getty

Why change in January what you could easily alter any time?

If you’re one of the many who chose to make January a booze-free zone for charity, get thee to the nearest pub – you could be doing untold damage.

That’s perhaps an over-exaggeration, but scientists and doctors said last week that a month off the turps can do more harm than good. It’s not the month sans alcohol that offends, but the inevitable epic piss-ups you’ll have to celebrate your “achievement”. TV’s Dr Christian Jessen says it’s no achievement to not drink for a month, but a blight on society and our attitude to drinking that we consider it one. The Royal College of Physicians agreed in evidence to a House of Commons science committee when they said it’s more sensible for us to have a couple of non-drinking days per week than a whole block of 31 days.

So where does that leave those with their hand out for Cancer Research (Dryathlon) or Alcohol Concern (Dry January)? Well, they’re good people who’ve fallen for a clever marketing ploy devised by two perfectly worthy charities – and good on them all.

Of course I’ve got nothing against charities raising cash to do great work, or even people having a rest from the grog should they choose to – not that it’s really worth considering for any reason other than serious illness or a sudden change of religion.

What does irk me is that people feel the need to go cold turkey on anything. Now is worst for it, with new year’s resolutions polluting every second conversation. I sit, not alone, in the camp that believes if it’s worth changing, do it on the realisation of that, not because of an arbitrary date, and sure as shit don’t go on about it to me.

I’ve had people in the past week tell me they’re giving up carbs, drinking nothing but juice, quitting smoking and deciding to less resemble a sloth, all because it became January.

All but one has fallen off the wagon, and I wish he would have a dart and quit whinging about it. Fact is, these things done in moderation, like their naughty cousin drinking booze, would enhance their lives, but for some reason we need a slogan, cause or fad to do them. » Agree or disagree? Is a rest from booze a waste of time? letters@tntmagazine.com

BOMB THREAT MET

BY SENSIBLE AFP An Aussie teen got a shock after he took to Twitter in transit in Sydney and said he wanted the terminal blown up.

Anthony Palazzolo, 17, wrote: “I’m actually determined to bomb Sydney airport it’s actually so shit”, “Petition to burn down Sydney airport” and more.

Now, young Palazzolo was likely not up for bombing, burning or organising a petition, but what he wrote was truly stupid. His flippant bitching (all airports are shit, mate, get over it) would have sent security filters into overdrive, and forced Australian Federal Police officers – who try to catch real crooks – to investigate.

“

His flippant bitching wasted the AFP’s time

”

They met him like a common terrorist when he got to Melbourne and hauled him off the plane in front of his family. Then, satisfied he’d sufficiently soiled his pants, let him go. “The incident was determined to be a hoax and no further action will be taken,” an AFP spokesman confirmed.

A valuable lesson in idiocy learned.

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‘Lucky to be alive’ No lives lost in southeast Oz bushfires after lessons are learned from Black Sunday WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Homes razed to the ground, hundreds of dead animals, and a trail of devastation, but not one person lost their life as out-of-control bushfires wreaked havoc across Australia last week. Some 1040 properties so far have been damaged in Tasmania, while in New South Wales, more than 350,000ha have been burnt and 10,000 livestock killed in 140 blazes. But despite fires still raging and fears of more as temperatures were due to rise again over the weekend, firefighters are hailing it a successful operation with no fatalities so far.

Tasmania Fire Service chief Mike Brown, whose state has been hit the worst with at least AU$50m (£33m) in damage, said many lessons had been learned after 173 people were killed and 2000 homes were destroyed in the 2009 Black Sunday firestorm.

“The fact that so far we’ve had no loss of life does distinguish these fires from so many of the tragedies that Australia’s experienced in the past,” he said.

“The protection of life in the face of such catastrophic conditions is a very significant achievement.

“It’s a good outcome but at this point in time we really must use this as a learning opportunity for the future.”

Under the system introduced after Black Sunday, a “severe” warning was declared in parts of Victoria, where six people were injured, on Friday. “Catastrophic” fire danger ratings were in force in some areas on Tuesday, which was billed the worst fire day in New South Wales’s history. The catastrophic rating means fires will be uncontrollable, unpredictable and fast-moving, with evacuation the only safe option.

Prime Minister Julia Gillard said: “The word catastrophic is being used for good reason. So it is very important that people keep themselves safe, that they listen to local 42

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

authorities and local warnings. This is a very dangerous day.”

Gillard also praised the heroics of firefighters, battling tirelessly against raging blazes. And residents were also hitting the headlines for bravery. A photo taken by Tim Holmes, 62, went viral around the world. It showed his wife and their five young grandchildren clinging to a jetty, neckdeep in water while an inferno tore towards their property.

The family took to the water for three hours to shelter from “tornadoes of fire” roaring through Dunalley, Tasmania, which was destroyed in the blaze last Friday.

“The next thing we knew everything was on fire, everywhere, all around us,” Holmes said. “There was no other escape. We had water up to our chins and could barely

“

I braced myself to lose my kids and parents

”

breathe, it was so toxic.” Holmes sent the photo to his daughter, Bonnie Walker, to let her know that her children, aged from 2 to 11, were safe.

Walker told Australia’s ABC network: “We just waited by the phone and received a message at 3.30pm to say that mum and dad had evacuated, that they were surrounded by fire, and could we pray. So I braced myself to lose my children and my parents.”

The family escaped after the fire burnt itself out. After returning to his home, Holmes said: “It’s all gone, every last item, but it’s a great sense of relief to think that we lost not one hair on a child’s head.”

Photos: AAP; Getty

Heatwave: (clockwise from left) the Holmes family escape the flames; firefighters in NSW; new rating system; new colours added to forecasting chart The blazes, fuelled by the “most dangerous conditions for fires on record”, forced the Australian Bureau of Meteorology to add new colours to its forecasting chart.

Deep purple and pink have been included as temperatures were expected to hit 50°C after a high of 48°C last week.

David Jones, the bureau’s manager of climate monitoring and prediction, said of the heatwave: “If you look at its extent, its duration, its intensity, it is arguably the most significant in Australia’s history.”

“You don’t get conditions worse than this, we are at the catastrophic level,” Rural Fire Service commissioner Shane Fitzsimmons said.

Researchers and scientists are pointing the finger towards global warming. In its most recent assessment, the Intergovernmental Panel On Climate Change predicted the number of days when extreme fire threatens in south-east Australia will increase by 25 per cent by 2020, and up to 70 per cent by 2050.

And Gillard has said it’s a reality the country will have to face. “Whilst you would not put any one event down to climate change,” she said, “we do know over time that as a result of climate change we are going to see more extreme weather events and conditions.”

The bureau forecast above average temperatures for the remainder of summer, compounding the fire danger created by a lack of rain across central and southern Australia over the past six months.

Although cooler weather swept in last week, with some areas plummeting from 40°C to 24°C in minutes, residents are being warned to “prepare, act, survive”. Temperatures are expected to soar again next week and ministers are warning that the worst could be yet to come.

Gillard assessing fire damage in Tasmania

social media warnings 140 character advice For the first time, Australians used social media to keep up-to-date and share warnings about bushfires.

Even PM Julia Gillard, pictured, took to Twitter, telling followers: “Take care and stay safe as we face extreme heat around our nation. Listen to warnings on the high bushfire risk.” Fire brigades were also active on the microblogging site, urging residents to prepare for new fires as well as issuing advice.

Paramedic services also tweeted, with Ambulance Victoria posting: “It’s hot, but motorcyclists still need full protective gear. Better to leave sweat on the road than half your skin if you come off.”

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SPORTNEWS

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Switch: Cooper to box Muay Thai man

Who dunnett? quade cooper’s punch bag boxing/rugby

Wallabies playmaker Quade Cooper will face Muay Thai veteran Barry Dunnett in his pro boxing debut on February 8 in Brisbane.

The rugby half’s opponent for the KO To Drugs charity card featuring Sonny Bill Williams was finally announced, much to the delight of punters worried Cooper would be given a numpty to batter.

Quite the opposite, Dunnett, 32, is a tough cookie. Despite only having two boxing bouts – a win and a loss – under his belt, he’s previously fought for the Queensland light-heavyweight title for Muay Thai, which allows elbows and kicks.

The Queensland Reds will be happy Dunnett’s not a noted bruiser, though, ahead of the Super 15 season – Cooper will miss one pre-season match but be ready, barring injury, for the season opener against the ACT Brumbies on February 16.

weight a minute, big caviar will be fine horse racing

Black Caviar’s trainer Peter Moody has insisted his champion mare’s weight gain – 70kg more than when she raced and won at Royal Ascot last year – won’t derail her return to the track.

“She’s not fat, she’s just a bit overweight,” Moody said of the horse which lost a lot of weight in transit to the UK before a narrow win. “We have got plenty of time to get her fit.”

The winner of 21 races in a row is about 30kg above her normal racing weight but Moody won’t be trying to get her lean for the AU$500,000 Lightning Stakes in February.

Black Caviar’s been rested for six months ahead of her tilt at a 22nd victory.

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Now that would be one hell of a hill start!

Ben Grabham of team HSE KTM Australia takes on the Peruvian dunes during the Dakar Rally stage between Pisco and Nazca

broncos 2013 could be the rea-l deal RUGBY LEAGUE

London Broncos coach Tony Rea is sure his side can be a force in the 2013 Super League, starting February.

The Aussie’s love of the city and his ambitions for the club convinced him to accept the top job at the only major team in the capital. Rea’s been a player, chief executive and a reluctant head coach for the club in the past, but he takes on the role full-time now with great optimism.

“We can be the biggest club in the UK,” Rea told the Evening Standard.

“There’s no reason not to [think that] with the people involved here.”

The Broncos season opener is against Widnes Vikings on February 3.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Bernard Tomic can go from being public enemy number one to Aussie ace in the stroke of a forehand.

After getting dumped from the Davis Cup team for ill discipline, he did his talking on the court and backed up his defeat of world number one Novak Djokovic by going deep into the Sydney International. But what he really wants, and needs to keep his head on straight for, is the Australian Open, which starts this week. If he can make it to the last 16, the 20-year-old is a proven giant killer.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK

One will do: John Terry would love a 2013 title

Whether they rate me or not I am not sure, but with a lot of the Australians they rate themselves very highly England league legend Kevin Sinfield after it was said an Aussie deserved to win the Golden Boot he was awarded last week

PREVIEW DERBY: NORTH AND WEST LONDON GIANTS PREMIER LEAGUE: CHELSEA V ARSENAL

SUN, 1.30PM, SKY SPORTS 1 The goal scorers in the corresponding fixture at Stamford Bridge in October 2011 – a 5-3 win to away team Arsenal – make interesting reading.

For the losers Chelsea, goals were scored by John Terry and Frank Lampard, the first of which is likely to return from injury in this match and the other who is being given the flick by the club despite career-best form in his 34th year. The other was Juan Mata, the superstar Spaniard

who when not on the park greatly alters the west London team’s win/loss record.

For Arsenal, it’s a worry. Theo Walcott jagged one, which is nice, as he’s going great guns and likely to get the money he wants to stay at the club. The other four, however, came from Andre Santos, who’s been playing reserves on his way back from injury, and the other three came from a guy called Robin van Persie, who now wears a darker shade of red in Manchester.

Both giants are chasing a title of any kind this year after bowing out of cups to minnows, but must win EPL games like this.

THE CHAT | Lance to harp on Oprah

They would be mad to let him leave Chelsea – he’s still one of the best in the world Italian ace Andrea Pirlo would welcome Frank Lampard at Juventus – apparently Chelsea are mad, he’s being cut loose

I’m unbelievably frustrated, you’d have to go a long way to see worse Harlequins director of rugby Conor O’Shea wasn’t exactly impressed with the ref

It was good for rugby league Paul Wood on playing half of the Super League final with a ruptured testicle

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET Will Lance Armstrong’s interview (streamed Q at 2am on Jan 18) on Oprah stem his fall from grace and reveal anything we don’t already know?

No and no. Armstrong, once a seven-time Tour de A France champion, has refused to respond to the stripping of those titles for drug cheating, but he’s agreed to do a 90-minute chat with Oprah. She’s insisted there was “no payment for the interview. No editorial control, no question is off-limits”. But sadly, the questions Oprah cares about are devised to elicit emotional TV moments, not real answers about his actions doing immense damage to his sport and a sporting community which worshiped him. If he actually admits to being a drug cheat, does that really change anything?

Big Bash Final Aussie T20 comp crowns a new champ Sat, 8am, Sky Sports 4

RUGBY Saracens v Edinburgh The final Heineken Cup group game Sun, 12.45pm, Sky Sports 2

Look who’s talking: Lance Armstrong

FOOTBALL Tottenham v Manchester United Big improvers take on massive leaders Sun, 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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There’s no off-season Even without the Olympics, London and the UK will still be the centre of the sporting universe in 2013 WORDS MICHAEL GADD

There could have been a lull after maybe the all-time greatest year for sport, but this one will be huge too, with scarcely a week passing without a major event in London or at least an easy bus or train ride away. We’ve picked 13 of the best contests to look forward to in 2013, including a world cup, iconic international landmarks and a little thing called The Ashes – and yes, some Olympians go around again, too.

Rugby: RBS Six Nations Championship Even without allegiance to a team, this tournament is a beauty – and anything can happen. Wales earned the Triple Crown (beating all Home Nations) and a Grand Slam (beating everyone) last year. England’s home matches at Twickenham are on Feb 2 (Scotland), Feb 13 (France) and March 10 (Italy). rbs6nations.com

Rowing: The Boat Race

and Vicarage Road. Semi-finals are on April 26-28, while the final is on May 18 in Dublin, home of 2012 winners Leinster. ercrugby.com

Cricket: First five of 10 Ashes Tests A double Ashes series, with five Tests in England and Australia – awesome. England’s settled side have the edge, but Michael Clarke’s men proved they can match the best by pushing South Africa. The first Test begins July 10 in Nottingham, before the teams come to the home of cricket, London’s Lord’s, on July 18. The other Tests are in Manchester (Aug 1), Durham (Aug 9) and The Oval in London (Aug 21). Try for tickets through the venues, or check out the tour matches. ecb.co.uk/tickets

Athletics: Samsung Diamond League London GP

Famously disrupted by Aussie protester Trenton Oldfield last year, the 159th annual eights showdown between Oxford and Cambridge will be rowed March 31 on the Thames in London from Putney Bridge to Chiswick Bridge at 4.30pm. theboatrace.org

The big money Diamond League, for which the London Grand Prix at Crystal Palace National Sports Centre on July 26-27 is a meet, makes athletics more than a four-yearly sport. It’ll star Team GB members along with Aussie gold medalist Sally Pearson and US stars such as Aries Merritt. diamondleague-london.com

Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy in England/Wales

Cricket: England v Australia NatWest ODI and T20

Australia‘s going for three in a row in the last ever version of this two-yearly series between the top eight-ranked sides in the world, held in London, Birmingham and Cardiff. The group stages run June 6-17 before semis at The Oval and Cardiff on June 19-20 and the final at Edgbaston on June 23. icc-cricket.com

The pyjamas come on for two T20s in Southampton (Aug 29) and Durham (Aug 31), then five 50-over clashes in Leeds, Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff and back in Southampton.

England are world number ones in this form of the game. ecb.co.uk/tickets

Rugby Union: Heineken Cup finals London clubs Harlequins and Saracens have been superb so far in the European Rugby Championship and could both host home quarter-finals on April 5-7 at Twickenham Stoop

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Tennis: The Championships Wimbledon Wimbledon’s the mother of all Grand Slams and tennis is in a golden age for talent. The best way to get in is via ‘the queue’, a concept unique to the Championships where you can get most levels of tickets on the day. The queue begins

Clockwise from left: Aussie skipper Clarke; GB star Jess Ennis; tennis ace Federer; NZ hold the World Cup

8am on Sunday June 24. Can Roger Federer make it eight? wimbledon.com

Rugby League: World Cup in England/Wales New Zealand go into the World Cup as defending champions after upsetting Australia in a memorable 2008 Brisbane final.

Preliminary matches will be played around England, ahead of a bumper semi-final double-header at Wembley Stadium on Saturday, November 23. The final is at Old Trafford on Nov 30. eticketing.co.uk/rlwc; rlwc2013.com/fixtures

Rugby Sevens: London Sevens World Series The final round of the HSBC Sevens World Series in London on May 11-12 takes on even greater credence now the form is becoming an Olympic sport in Rio de Janeiro in 2016. More than 100,000 fans attended this at Twickenham last year. irbsevens.com; rfu.com

Cricket: England v New Zealand England’s taking on Down Under this year, and will host the Black Caps after their tour there. They’ll play two Tests at Lord’s (May 16) and Headingley (May 24) ahead of three ODIs from May 31 and two T20s from June 25. ecb.co.uk/tickets

NFL: Vikings v Steelers and Jaguars v 49ers Possibly sport’s biggest show returns twice to London’s Wembley in 2013, with Minnesota and Pittsburgh on Sep 29 and Jacksonville hosting San Francisco on October 27. nfluk.com

Photos: Getty

Football: UEFA Champions League Final Chelsea's 2012 win means London hosts the biggest club game of the year – ticket details will be released from February. wembleystadium.com; uefa.com

Star power: Knicks genius Anthony

hoop dreams in london knicks v pistons at o2 The NBA commissioner David Stern said the huge popularity of basketball at the London Olympics and their desire to crack the European market is behind the league sending another regular season game, this time between the New York Knicks and Detroit Pistons, to a sold out O2 Arena on Thursday.

“London was the epicentre of global sports this summer, and the Olympics were a tremendous showcase for basketball,” Stern said. “Playing our third regular-season game in the city in three years and having historic franchises like the Knicks and Pistons serve as our ambassadors provides extraordinary opportunities to further the game’s growth and development in the UK and throughout Europe.”

Superstars including Knicks’ guard Jason Kidd and forwards Carmelo Anthony and Chris Copeland, and the Pistons’ Tayshaun Prince, will be in action.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

Legend: Chelsea’s Frank Lampard

Roman will regret symbolic decision to axe Lampard

Move to break up blues’ old guard to lure Guardiola could backfire

» Agree or disagree? Is Roman right to send Lampard packing? letters@tntmagazine.com 48

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BIG BASH NEEDS WARNE’S ANTICS Shane Warne’s now infamous to-do with Marlon Samuels was exactly what The Big Bash needed.

Whereas the IPL could do with a jot less controversy, Australia’s rival competition was in danger of looking like the Indian Premier League’s anaemic cousin, before Warne and Samuels’ antics made headlines around the globe.

The Sheik of Tweak’s blow-up at the West Indian all-rounder showed the injudicious tendencies that meant he could never be Australia’s captain, but left him

“

Big Bash looked like IPL’s aneamic cousin

”

free to become the game’s greatest ever bowler and a potentially destructive tailend batsman – it also proved that, at 43, the competitive spirit doesn’t wane with age.

Just as Warne focused the cricketing world’s attention on the Big Bash, albeit by copping a one-match ban, so he looks set to take centre stage with his Melbourne Stars making the competition’s semi-finals.

I, for one, will be watching.

Photo: Getty

The news that football’s best-dressed manager, Pep Guardiola, has announced he is ready to return from his soul-enriching sabbatical in New York to take the helm at one of Europe’s top clubs was likely music to Roman Abramovich’s ears.

The talent Chelsea has brought in over the past two years is evidence of that – the likes of Hazard, Oscar, Mata and Azpilicueta are exactly the kind of players Guardiola made his name shaping into the all-conquering Barcelona team that swept aside all before them.

It’s no secret that Abramovich is looking to break up Chelsea’s old guard and its core of mainly English players who, reports suggest, he perceives wield too much power in the dressing room. First Didier Drogba won Chelsea the Champions League before being excommunicated to China, and now Frank Lampard appears to have become the second casualty of Roman’s war, as the 34-year-old’s agent claimed last week that Chelsea’s second all-time top goal scorer would be leaving the club this summer.

Taking into consideration Lampard’s remarkable consistency, recent goals and the position of esteem Chelsea fans hold him in, it’s certainly a bold move. Man U’s Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs have proved in recent seasons the value of experienced players to top clubs.

Since his arrival at Chelsea in 2001, Lampard has been instrumental in everything the club has gone on to achieve. It remains a shame that the national side’s institutional failings taint his image more broadly. Lampard, in short, should go down in the history books (and, more realistically, Sky Sports clip shows) as a genuine star of the game.

Guardiola’s managerial success, although remarkable, has been in the most favourable of circumstances. There are fairly few top flight managers who couldn’t make a success of a team featuring Messi, Xavi, Iniesta, et al. There are markedly fewer who could walk into a club as apparently factious as Chelsea and establish a brand of football the club hasn’t seen before, with an owner who demands unremitting success.

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

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A CROSS TO BEAR A Black Nazarene statue is carried through the streets in a religious procession attended by nine million Catholics in Manila, Philippines.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; TNT

INSIDE

LONDON BY THE SEA / 54

GET FIT TRIPS /62

HOT TRAVEL IN 2013 /68

A playground of funfair rides, hairy bikers and nudie ladies, we find Brighton is full of cheeky seaside hijinks.

Need to fight the festive flab? Transform your figure into a lean, mean, fighting machine, simply by taking an exotic holiday.

Silent lakes, northern lights, wild safaris, Wiggo-style cycling and outer space star in our list of places you must visit this year.

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51

TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

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Touching: a ceremonial feel-up for good luck

IS IT SAFE TO TRAVEL IN INDIA? Since the devastating news of a young woman’s gang rape on a Delhi bus, I’ve read a number of travel sources advising women not to travel alone in India. These articles have retold harassment anecdotes and warned of risks that range from lewd stares to full-blown assault.

Of course there’s no doubt that women’s safety is in a tragic state in India and, as shown through the demonstrations of the past weeks, the population is clearly crying out for change. But to write off an entire country as dangerous or to suggest that every female that visits is recklessly putting herself at risk is nothing short of ignorant.

I’ve been to India twice. The first time was years ago – I was 20 and, well, a bit stoopid. Bouncing around beaches in conservative regions wearing a bikini, waiting alone for hours in train stations and crashing in rooms that cost a couple of quid a night wasn’t smart. Luckily, I suffered nothing more than a few stares and quickly-slapped wandering hands. But returning last spring as a more experienced solo traveller I took as many precautions as I could, including splashing out on registered taxis when in remote areas, covering up and generally keeping my wits about me. I always felt safe and, more than that, had one of the most amazing holidays of my life.

It is certainly terrible that women have to be on their guard and can’t travel as freely in India as they can elsewhere. But there are risks in every country in the world and it’s important to remember that the vast majority of Indians – both male and female – only wish female travellers well.

India? Write to helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

A combination of public nudity, lashings of booze and what can only be described as a large-scale feel-up sounds like a recipe for disaster.

16 But Konomiya’s Hadaka Matsuri is an old Shinto religious ceremony that involves loincloth-clad men delivering bamboo sticks to a shrine and then all touching one chosen reveller, called a Shin-Otoko, for good luck. Totally surreal.

FEB

WHY: According to Shinto traditions, naked people have the power to absorb and carry others’ luck. This tradition dates back to AD676 when a plague was running rampant in Japan. The Shin-Otoko in a village was touched by everyone, then banished, in the hope he’d take the disease with him.

SPRING FESTIVAL China

It’ll all be kicking off across China for their New Year, 10 also called Spring Festival.

The whole country will be on holiday for a week and will see in the Year of the Water Snake by eating, drinking and letting off enough firecrackers to shake the earth’s core.

FEB

chinesenewyears.info

CARNIVAL OF ORURO

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MOUNTAIN SONG

US

Music festivals on a boat are steadily becoming a bit of a 1-4 trend, and Mountain Song At Sea is the latest to hop on the bandwagon. So it’s all aboard a luxury cruise liner for four days of bluegrass, folk and acoustic artists.

FEB

mountainsongatsea.com

CADIZ CARNIVAL

Spain

Bolivia

The folk in the Spanish town of Cadiz, who claim to be 10 the nation’s wittiest, will be in stitches for this 10-day fiesta. It features silly costumes, traditional performances by satirical groups, called chirigotas, and choirs that roam the streets singing comedic songs.

FEB

Carnival of Oruro is a 2000-year-old religious 2 mishmash of Pagan and Catholic traditions. It involves folk dances, marching bands and the performance of two medieval-style plays about the Spanish conquest.

FEB

visitbolivia.org

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DO IT BECAUSE: Nowadays the ceremony is for fortune and purification, but given the quantities of rice wine consumed, and the fact the crowd is doused in freezing water as they grab the Shin-Otoko, neither outcome seems likely. But at least it’ll be memorable.

andalucia.com

Photo: TNT

Had good or bad experiences travelling in

HADAKA MATSURI Japan

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Waterslide tester Yes, that’s the official job title of possibly the most awesome position being advertised in the entire world. If you nab British holiday firm First Choice’s waterslide tester role, you could soon be squealing for joy as you skid down flumes – after all, you’ll be getting paid £20,000 for the privilege. The lucky candidate will have to travel to SplashWorld’s 20 resorts to ride and evaluate all their slides during the summer months.

Luke Gaskins, First Choice’s head of holiday innovation, said: “This is an amazing job for one lucky person who’ll get to escape the nine-tofive and instead spend their days rating slides and pools in the sun.” Apply through Facebook.

Photo: Getty

war tourism A firm has been slammed for offering “tasteless” holidays on the site of “Sri Lanka’s killing fields”.

Nanthi Kadal was the scene of atrocities in 2009 when the Sri Lankan army defeated the Tamil Tigers. It’s estimated that tens of thousands of civilians were killed here, but the lagoon is now the setting for army-run villas which feature civil war memorials. “War tourism is all about presentation,” said Fred Carver of Sri Lanka Campaign for Peace and Justice. “In this case ... it’s all about ‘come and see where we killed Prabhakaran’ [Tamil Tigers leader]. I guarantee there’ll be no mention of civilian casualties.”

Make a splash: you could get paid to slide like this

Beach hut for sale Start saving, people – America’s most expensive beach hut has just gone on the market for a cool £1.5 million. For that price you might be expecting something palatial, but this really is a hut, measuring in at just 484sqft.

So why would you fork out for this? Well, it’s the view you’re paying for. The property is set in a “jungle canyon” with its own private access road and rocky beach. It looks out over the Pacific Ocean and comes with 20 acres of knock-out Hawaiian countryside. Agent Sotheby’s said: “Fish, snorkel, dive, lounge, or sit around a bonfire as your catch cooks.” Sigh.

‘pirated’ fan building China’s not known for respecting copyright, with its ubiquitous knock-off Chanel handbags and ‘KFG’ chicken shops, but pirating has now been taken to a whole new scale. Architect Zaha Hadid’s huge Beijing development, Wangjing SOHO, has distinctive walls which resemble Chinese fans. So does an emerging building in the southwest’s Chongqing, the Meiquan 22nd Century. The building looks remarkably similar and observers have claimed that it’s a direct rip-off. Much to the annoyance of Beijing, it even looks as though the Chongqing version is likely to be finished first.

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Like to be beside the seaside? Head to Brighton Pier

eat, DRINK, SLEEP

Brighton

ENGLAND

england WALES London

Brighton

GETTING THERE Take the train from London Victoria, Blackfriars, St Pancras or London Bridge to Brighton with Southern Railways. Tickets start at £15.50 return. southernrailway.com

Pan Asian tapas delights await you at Yum Yum Ninja on Meeting House Lane.

Dishes range from £1.50 for snacks to £60 for a Ninja House sharing platter. yumyumninja.com Moshimo (formerly Moshi Moshi) in Bartholomew Square offers up famously authentic Japanese dishes. Small plates from £2.20 and mains from £8.50. moshimo.co.uk

Popular with locals and tourists alike, classic boozer The Bath Arms in the heart of the Lanes has a lively yet cosy atmosphere. Pints from £3.80. shepherdneame.co.uk

Chill out with a cocktail or two at speakeasy-inspired Under The Tap (103 North Road, tel. 01273 933 484). With drinks starting at £5.95 you are sure to have plenty of change left for your taxi home.

Rest up at boutique guesthouse Snooze and have an amazing slap-up breakfast in the morning. Rooms from £55 per night. snoozebrighton.com

Clockwise: Brighton Wheel; photography practice; shopping in quirky ‘the Lanes’; the Royal Pavilion 54

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The Grapevine hostels are the perfect base for backpackers – one venue is near the beach and the other near the Lanes. Dorm beds from £8pppn. grapevinewebsite.co.uk

UKTRIP

London by the sea A playground of funfair rides, hairy bikers and nudie ladies, Brighton is full of seaside hijinks

Photos: TNT; Thinkstock

WORDS RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

Noisy hen parties wearing pink cowboy hats, out-of-towners shivering on a chilly beach, teenagers swigging bottles of cider on the pier – all part of your average Brighton break?

Apparently not anymore. These days the city is bursting with as much contemporary culture as good old-fashioned seaside fun, so I’m here for the weekend to pack in as much as I can of both.

Of course, the first stop on any coastal jaunt is to head straight to the seaside. I’m spoilt for choice, torn between exploring the pier’s funfair, the Sea Life Centre (visitsealife.com) and the newly installed Brighton Wheel.

I venture on to the pier first, to take some snapshots of the pretty Victorian architecture set against the more garish, modern seaside attractions of slot machines and funfair rides.

Not feeling the need to scare myself witless on the ghost train or rollercoaster, I head back to shore and get straight on the Brighton Wheel instead. This opened about a year ago and sweeps riders 50m above sea level, affording views across Brighton and Hove and out to sea. As I gaze out the window, a recording starts and I find myself listening to those distinctive nasal tones of local celeb Steve Coogan, who tells the history of the wheel itself which started life at the 2010 South Africa World Cup before being brought to Brighton.

As soon as I climb off the wheel, the rain starts – a regular occurrence here, summer or winter – so I dash into the safety of the newly refurbished Sea Life Centre, where I’m greeted by some scary-looking spider crabs and slippery moray eels.

The gloom of the moody lighting makes me feel as though I’m in the depths of the sea. Most beautiful of all is the underwater tunnel from where I watch the turtles and sharks circle overhead.

It’s only a few minutes’ walk from here to the iconic Royal Pavilion. The India-inspired architecture of the former royal palace looks like the set from Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom, but inside the decor is lavishly Oriental, the pièce de résistance a huge dragon-shaped chandelier descending from the ceiling in the cavernous dining room. I wish my London flat looked this sumptuously gorgeous.

After all the excitement of the seafront, I check into the retro boutique B&B Snooze. I’ve booked my stay in the boudoir suite, which comes complete with luxe red curtains

and vintage photographs of nudie ladies on the wall, a brilliantly saucy, tongue-in-cheek take on the traditional seaside style I’ve been soaking up all day.

The following morning, it’s out with the traditional and in with the new, as I head off to Create Studios (welovecreate.com), a modern photography centre which relaunched last year. There are various courses on offer, from specialist portrait tuition to general brush-up lessons. I learn some advanced DSLR techniques, before spending some time trying them out in the studio.

Then, with my newly acquired flash skills, I head back to

“

Photos of nudie ladies line the boudoir walls

”

the beach to do some shooting. There is a huge group of bikers who roar into Brighton most weekends. They line the seafront as far as the eye can see and I take the chance to snap as many pictures of the gruff, leather-clad gang as I can.

The day is disappearing fast so I hit the winding Brighton Lanes for some shopping. The area is a mixture of organic cafes, off-beat boutiques and improvised car boot sales selling anything from DVDs to vintage knick-knacks. It certainly is a feast for the eyes and senses, even if it’s tough on my wallet.

Eventually I collapse with my bags at the fashionable new Lanes restaurant Yum Yum Ninja, which serves pan Asian tapas – so innovative, the dishes would have Heston Blumenthal gourmetfoaming at the mouth.

I chomp what I can only describe as a posh scotch egg which looks like a deep-fried puffer Eastbourne: We learn fish – a fittingly surreal how to cast spells in end to what has been a a real witch’s lair genuinely quirky weekend beside the seaside.

NEXT WEEK

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LATEDEALS

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Croatia: eight days sailing is £619pp with Travel Talk

DEAL OF THE WEEK Barcelona Break

£106

Two nights with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at the H10 Itaca hotel. Departs London Southend on January 31.

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Malta A seven-night stay costs £318pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and five-star, B&B accommodation at The Palace Hotel in Sliema. Departs London Stansted on February 5.

Costa del sol A seven-night trip costs £288pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 1041000). Includes flights and five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Blue Sea Gran Hotel Cervantes in Torremolinos. Departs London Southend on February 3.

Anzac Day A nine-day tour of Turkey costs £373pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours.com).

Includes five-, four- and three-star accommodation, some meals, Dawn Service, Australian and New Zealand national ceremonies, and more.

Excludes flights. Book by January 31.

Departs Istanbul April 19.

> £500 Thailand A seven-night trip is £765pp (save £411) with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting reference 2291288. Includes flights and three-star, B&B accommodation.

Book by January 31. Valid April 16-May 29. Departs from London Heathrow.

Africa A 35-day trip is £675pp (save £75) with Oasis Overland (oasisoverland.co.uk; 01963 363400). Includes hostel/camping accommodation, some meals, visit to Etosha National Park in Namibia and more. Excludes flights. Departs Lilongwe Malawi on January 26.

Croatia An eight-day sailing tour is £619pp (save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours.com). Includes boat accommodation, some meals and visits to Split, Dubrovnik and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by January 31. Departs on June 15 and 22.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

Money transfers Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

Transfer fees from £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

Exchange rates* Australian dollar 1.52 New Zealand dollar 1.92 South African rand 13.7 Polish złoty 5.05 Euro 1.22 US dollar 1.60 Canadian dollar 1.58 Hong Kong dollar 12.4 Swedish krona 10.5 Swiss franc 1.48 Singapore dollar 1.97 Why use tntforex?

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Rome A two-night stay costs £117pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Esh Hotel near Vatican City. Departs from London Gatwick on January 30.

Amsterdam Two nights cost £115pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Best Western Blue Square Hotel. Departs London Southend on January 22.

MOrocco An eight-day adventure tour costs £239pp (save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours.com).

Includes four-star accommodation, some meals, Bedouin camp and visits to Sahara, Marrakech and more.

Excludes flights and local payment.

Book by January 31. Departs August 31.

Barcelona A two-night stay costs £151pp with lowcostholidays. com (0800 111 6271). Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the H10 Itaca hotel.

Departs London Stansted on January 24.

Prague A two-night stay costs £199pp (save £22) with Flight Centre (flightcentre.co.uk; 0844 800 8624) quoting reference 2196871. Includes three-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel City Inn. Book by January 31. Valid for travel March 1-22. Departs London Heathrow.

£250 – £500

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RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

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SITTING, WAITING, WATCHING Katie Griffith, Australia

SUNSET AND CHAI TEA Jamie Dryburgh, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS The Thames has metamorphosed into a Cajun back water, transformed by the warm light of dusk. The soft ripples of the waterway add a subtle texture as it winds through the silhouetted, tree-lined landscape. The sky is a mixture of fluffy clouds and city smog distorts the sun’s light into a painterly splurge of orange and purple. The view from Putney Bridge, where this photo is taken, is rarely this delicate, peaceful and charming.

WHY IT WORKS We see before us the perfect setting for a spot of tea and biscuits as we watch the sun rise above the sand dunes of the Thar Desert in India. To be served refreshments in such a civilised manner is in opposition to the surrounding environment, an arid salt desert. This is a little slice of home comfort on the road through Rajasthan, no doubt much welcomed by the dusty traveller who took the picture

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email ontheroad@tntmagazine.com with your image, name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb. Good luck!

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TOP top FIVE five

xxxxxx MODERN art hubs

checking in

1

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pompidou Centre, Paris

Scenic Scotland

the lodge on loch LOMOND overview This Loch-side hotel is a beautiful haven snuggled on the edge of Loch Lomond that boasts a stunning panorama of the water and its scenic surrounds, in particular of the towering Ben Lomond opposite. The Lodge combines a sense of intimacy and attentiveness with four-star accommodation and a top-drawer pool and spa. And at just 30 minutes from Glasgow it’s a great place to soak up some of the Scottish scenery before setting out and investigating the Highlands. wow factor The gorgeous Colquhoun Restaurant is award-winning and stocked with a terrific range of whiskies. Its views out over the loch make this the perfect place from which to enjoy the best Scotland has to offer – some of the world’s finest sights and single malts. rooms Standard rooms are spacious and comfortable, but treat yourself to a deluxe Corbett room, which really raises the bar. Here you can gaze over the loch with a wee dram that can be enjoyed from your own private balcony. If that isn’t enough to get you packing the bags, you’re also sure to enjoy your very own in-room sauna. bill, please Graham rooms from £89; Corbett rooms from £139.

Luss, Argyll, G83 8PA

Balloch

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It’s the third week of 2013, which means you’ve probably broken most of your new year’s resolutions already.

So don’t worry about that cheeky fag at lunchtime or – whoops! – getting wrecked again last Friday. Focus on a more achievable goal: to up the cultural ante in your travels this year.

There’s no better way to do this than by booking a soul-enriching, mindexpanding holiday to marvel at some of the greatest masterpieces of modern art in the world’s most creative cities.

Paris, naturellement, is an excellent place to start.

If you’re going to dive head-first into the art scene, make a beeline for the Centre Pompidou in the 4th arrondissement, where the Musée National d’Art Moderne is housed.

Here you’ll find the largest collection of modern and contemporary art in Europe, with more than 70,000 works from paintings to photography.

The biggest draws include pieces by greats such as Picasso, Chagall, Warhol, Duchamp and Giacometti. You should browse through the museum’s vaults

online to check which items from its permanent collection are actually on display – only about 600 can be seen at one time but they are regularly switched around.

Right now there’s a mega Salvador Dali show in Galerie 1, which has been getting rave reviews for showcasing some of Dali’s lesser-known works.

It will be running until March 25 (entrance to the exhibition costs £10.50) and includes art from Dali’s purist, cubist and surrealist periods.

After drinking in the maximum of masterpieces you can manage, don’t forget to admire the architecture of the Centre Pompidou itself. It’s been described as looking like a factory turned inside out – all industrial pipes, cables, tubes and scaffolding with bright flashes of colour.

Then take yourself to a bohemian bar with some suitably artistic friends and spend the evening furiously arguing about your favourites. Wearing a beret and painterly scowl is strictly optional. Cultural resolution fulfilled. centrepompidou.fr/en

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MOMA, NEW YORK

It’s hard to know where to start at MoMA, the biggest and arguably the most influential modern art museum in the world.

Launched in the late Twenties and housed in its current location since 1939, MoMA has 150,000 pieces, including Van Gogh’s The Starry Night and Matisse’s The Dance, along with major film and architecture sections.

Plan your visit in advance to make the most of it. Entrance is £15.50. moma.org

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

4

MODERN ART HUBS

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THE GARAGE, MOSCOW

Moscow’s art scene is growing fast, with independent galleries and exhibition spaces popping up around the city all the time, but the Garage Centre for Contemporary Culture is one of the hottest.

It has showcased international artists such as Jeff Koons (Hanging Heart), as well as modern Russian art.

The Garage has been such a success since its 2008 launch that is was recently moved to a bigger location in Gorky Park. Admission is about £20. garageccc.com/en

3

TOP FIVE

GUGGENHEIM, BILBAO

The Frank Gehry-designed Guggenheim in Bilbao is a work of art in itself, one of the most celebrated pieces of architecture in the world.

It’s no less impressive inside, where you can find large-scale works and installations by contemporary artists, such as Richard Serra and Mark Rothko. There are also displays from local Basque artists.

Entry is £8.90. guggenheim-bilbao.es/en/

5

MORI, TOKYO

Whatever your opinion of modern art, no one can argue with the Mori Art Museum’s sensational venue, at the top of a 54-storey skyscraper in Tokyo’s Roppongi district.

Expect everything from wacky polka-dot installations (Yayoi Kusama), to retro Sixties paintings and surreal photography. When you’ve finished admiring the displays, head to the observation deck where you’ll find a 360-degree panorama of the city.

Admission is £10.60.

NEXT WEEK Northern lights: Where to see the best and brightest

mori.art.museum/eng

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

a two-day stopover in Dubai on Q Imyhave way home to Australia in February.

the popularity of Psy and Q Given Gangnam Style, is Seoul worth a visit?

What would you recommend seeing in that short amount of time?

Amira, via email

I’m not sure if it would be a great tourist destination or not?

Maria, via email

would use your two days in the city to A Isample both sides of Dubai – the

is definitely worth a visit – it’s an A Seoul exciting, fast-paced city, which has seen

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rapid development in recent years. As the Gangnam Style song seeks to explain, parts of Seoul now offer a lavish lifestyle enjoyed by the urban middle class. This has brought about trendy coffee shops, fashionable boutiques and pumping nightclubs, particularly south of the river in the areas of Gangnam and Apgujeong.

There’s some impressive architecture in these areas, such as the Hyundai Tangent building, which is a glass and steel work of art.

After experiencing Seoul’s modern scene, I would suggest you learn a little about the city’s 600 years of history. Begin by losing yourself in the historic streets of Bukchon Hanok Village, Seoul’s best example of a traditional folk hamlet. Then visit the nearby Unesco world heritage-listed Changdeokgung Palace Complex, where you can find one of the five original grand palaces of the Joseon dynasty. Within the complex, alongside the 15th-century palace, you will also find Biwon, a secret garden with ancient trees and a lily pond.

In the evening, visit one of the city’s vibrant markets. Namdaemun is a great choice, with thousands of stalls and a noodle alley lined with plenty of restaurants.

FUN IN THE SUN I just want to get away from this horrible British drizzle – the sooner the better. This year, I’m planning trips to Egypt for a spot of scuba diving, Brazil for the parties and Italy for the food. I have no idea how I’m going to afford it all yet, though. Guess I’d better start saving...

Nathan Smith, via email.

PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? I’ve promised myself I’m finally going to get round to learning French in 2013; it’s been one of my new year resolutions for years! So, in March, I’m finally off to Paris for a threemonth language course. Cheese, steak, wine and lots and LOTS of French hotties … bring it on!

Charlotte Adams, via email

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ultra-modern record-breaking developments and the more traditional attractions.

Spend your first day taking in Dubai’s futuristic sights, starting with the world’s tallest building, the Burj Khalifa. If you have a head for heights, the observatory at the top offers a great view of the city (tickets are £16 if you book in advance). A couple of minutes walk around the Burj Khalifa Lake (home to the world’s largest dancing musical fountain) will bring you to another record-breaker, the Dubai Mall, the world’s largest shopping centre. Here you can see the biggest fish tank on Earth and get some seriously glitzy shopping done. Next, head to the iconic sail-shaped Burj Al Arab on the beachfront and treat yourself to afternoon tea in the hotel’s Junsui restaurant, which boasts incredible views over the Arabian Gulf.

Use your second day to see the older side of the city. On the Deira side of the creek, visit the Gold Souk and Spice Souk to pick up some traditional Arabian souvenirs – make sure you haggle hard. Finish your day by taking a 10-minute cruise down the creek on a traditional dhow as the sun sets, which only costs around £1.50 each way.

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R 2013!

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What a star: jump your way to new year health [Caption]

Boot camp breaks Europe

Clockwise: Oludeniz; poolside in Ibiza; [Caption] The Camp; Turkish trek; a Burren stretch 62

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Get fit trips Need to fight the festive flab? Transform your figure into a lean, mean, fighting machine, simply by taking an exotic sabbatical Words helen elfer

A few questions for you. If you do a couple of star jumps, how long does it take for your tum to stop wobbling? Can you see your toes if you look down? And finally, look in the mirror – is the first impression a good or a bad one? If your answers include any of the following: “more than a few seconds”, “no” or “bad”, then TNT is diagnosing you with chronic festive overeating. The cure? It’s got to be a fitness boot camp. Obviously, no one wants to go running around in the freezing British weather at the moment, so to motivate yourself, why not jet off to one of these European destinations to battle the pudding-induced bulge instead?

The cycling holiday: Fuerteventura WORKOUT: Pedal off all those extra pounds with an intensive week of cycling in sunny Fuerteventura. Elite Cycling runs a seven-night package that will teach you pacing techniques, climbing and descending skills, and group riding tips as you take on the scenic Canary Island roads. The package also includes some strength and conditioning classes, and the resort has facilities for scuba diving, windsurfing, beach volleyball, tennis, skating, basketball and golf.

STAY: The cycling camp runs February 9-16 and is held in the bayside Las Playitas village, which is near a sandy volcanic beach, perfect for crashing out on after a long ride.

PAY: £699pp based on two sharing.

GO: Fly from London Gatwick to Fuerteventura for £161 return with easyJet (easyjet.com).

word). There’s a big emphasis on healthy eating here, and you’ll be put on a personalised diet plan once you arrive.

Fitness weeks run January 26-February 2 and April 6-13.

PAY: Prices start from £1350pp.

GO: Fly from London Stansted to Malaga from £59.98 return with Ryanair (ryanair.com). thecamp.co.uk

The boot glamp: Ibiza WORKOUT: It’s actually more bliss-out than workout at the No.1 Boot Camp’s sunny Ibiza retreat, where yoga sessions, massages and island exploring are the order of the day.

That’s not to say you won’t be kept busy with cardio classes and circuit training, too –­ that belly isn’t going to flatten itself – but there’s also lots of time allocated to beauty treatments and shopping. Personal training is also available for those who want to push themselves more. Camps run every week from January through to March.

STAY: Ibiza might be more associated with body-destroying piss-up holidays, but stay clear of the bars and clubs and ››

elitecycling.co.uk

The military regime: Andalucia WORKOUT: The Camp’s slogan, “Drop a dress size and get fit in one week,” says it all. To do that, the instructors put you through a rigorous, military-style training week of activities that include stretching, boxercise, swimming, aerobics, circuit training and core stability work. Think you could be doing all that in your local leisure centre? Well how do these equally healthy, but more exotic fitness pursuits, sound – hiking in the Sierras de Almijara and Cazulas mountain ranges, and gorge walking at Junta de Los Rios. Thin-spirational, no?

STAY: The Camp is based in a country mansion in a village at the foot of the mountains. The surrounding area is beautiful, with hills, valleys and gorges to feast your eyes on (since you won’t be doing much feasting in any other sense of the

Flyin’: cycling in the Canary Islands tntMagazine.com

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you’ll find plenty of healthier pursuits here, such as hillwalking and swimming.

PAY: £1350pp based on two sharing.

GO: Fly from London City Airport to Ibiza from £259 return with British Airways (ba.com).

Healthy holidays shaping up is just a bonus

no1bootcamp.com

The weight loss week: Oludeniz WORKOUT: A personalised fitness programme is devised for you when you arrive at this camp in Oludeniz, Turkey, which will involve everything from pilates and yoga at the base to getting out into the countryside for some hiking, swimming and cycling. Organisers say you can expect to drop about 5kg during the week.

STAY: When you’re not exercising, there’s plenty of time to enjoy the other activities Oludeniz has to offer. Stay active with a paragliding jaunt from the top of the 2000m Mount Babada, or go white water rafting on the Dalaman river. For a more relaxing afternoon, slow down with a mud bath in the Dalyan Delta. Camps run from April to November.

PAY: £650pp based on two or three sharing.

GO: Fly from London Gatwick to Antalya from £129 return with easyJet (easyjet.com). fitinfitness.co.uk

Dance-off: alter your shape-making shapes

The yoga retreat: Burren WORKOUT: Take a week or a weekend contorting yourself into muscle-toning, core-strengthening and stabilityimproving positions at this yoga boot camp. Experienced yoga and meditation teacher Niamh Jones runs a variety of classes at Burren Yoga, including hatha yoga, meditation and yoga nidra throughout the camp. Your body and mind will be snapped into shape in no time.

STAY: The Burren is on the west coast of Ireland and spreads from County Clare to County Galway. It boasts spectacular shaped limestone hills on the coast of the Atlantic Ocean where you can go hiking. When you’re off the mat, take excursions to the nearby Aillwee Caves and Cliffs of Moher.

Camps run every week and on Bank Holiday weekends.

PAY: £243pp for a weekend or £560pp for a week based on three-to-five people sharing.

GO: Fly from London Stansted to Shannon airport for £48 return with Ryanair (ryanair.com). burrenyoga.com

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Salsa Dancing It’s no coincidence that salsa dancers always seem to have the firmest of bottoms and hardest of stomachs – all that spinning around the dance floor is a great cardiovascular workout. If you’re lucky enough to be heading anywhere in Latin America, take in a salsa class or hit the clubs.

BURN IT: An intensive 30-minute salsa dancing session can help you burn 300 calories an hour, so if you’re spending the whole night whirling around a club, you’ll be looking trim in no time.

Skiing Flying down snowy slopes by day and supping wine and eating pizza in cosy chalets by night ... sure, a typical skiing holiday might not be quite the thing for health purists, but you’ll find yourself racking up the exercise hours without even noticing it. Lugging ski equipment around, trudging up steep slopes and of course the skiing itself are all sure to tone you up.

BURN IT: Research shows that you can burn 422 calories an hour just downhill skiing at a moderate speed, while for cross-country skiers it’s more like 500 calories.

Snowboarders can expect to work off up to 630 calories per hour. After all of this you’ll have earned yourself the right to tuck into a huge pot of cheesy fondue. swimming Plunging into some refreshing waves on holiday is the moment people dream about. But pleasure-factor aside, it’s also a top toning exercise, creating upper-body strength and chiseling the chest, abs, arms, triceps and muscles in your back.

BURN IT: Breaststroke is the best stroke for improving fitness, burning approximately 150 calories every 10 minutes if you really go for it.

Photos: Getty; The Burren Yoga and Meditation Centre; Leon McGowran; The Camp; Thinkstock

Perfect posture: Burren yoga

Can’t be arsed with a whole week of punishing boot camp exercise? Choose one of these active holidays instead, and you’ll get fit without even trying.

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Gallic retreat This is Lyon in 48 hours WORDS JADE BREMNER

DAY 1: 10:00 There’s nothing more French than food and fashion, so take your first meal at Café Cousu (breakfast from £3.60; 19 rue Rene Leynaud), which is in the trendy Le Village des Createurs (or The Creators Village) and is buzzing with chic, arty types.

11:00 Fuelled-up, move onto part two, and explore Passage Thiaffait (villagedescreateurs.com), the area you’re already in, which is a large passageway that’s chock-a-block with trendy fashion outlets and designer boutiques. You can pick from 70 brands here, so when you take to the city’s bars later on you’ll fit right in with the painfully hip clientele.

13:00 After the taste of modern culture, it’s time to step back in time at Cathédrale Saint-Jean-Baptiste de Lyon (70 rue St-Jean), a magnificent church that will take your breath away. Built between 1180 and 1480, its architecture has both Romanesque and Gothic influences.

14:00 For lunch make your way to Le Comptoir des Filles (mains from £10.50; 8 Quai des Celestins; tel. 00 33 4 7838 0330) and try some Lyonnais dumplings in a range of mouth-watering varieties, such as three-cheese and scallop.

Their desserts, such as the semolina cakes, are a treat too.

15:00 After lunch, head to the Institut Lumière Museum (institut-lumiere.org), a building dedicated to the history of French cinema and, of course, the Lumière brothers, history’s first filmmakers. One of the first motion pictures ever made was shot here and a tour will tell you how the duo captured images and made them move in the early days.

17:30 A fulfilling place to soak up your final bout of culture for the day would be the Theatres Romains de Fourvière 66

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(musees-gallo-romains.com). The Roman amphitheatre is still used today as an atmospheric stage for productions. You can climb the steep steps, marvel at the ancient decorated floor and take in the seriously impressive views over the city.

19:30 After all that walking around, you deserve a drink.

Make your way to Ninkasi Gerland (cocktails from £4; ninkasi.fr) for some live jazz and blues, and a huge dance floor to let rip on. They also serve light bites and tapas if you’re feeling peckish.

DAY 2: 10:00 Wake up at the central Chambres d’hôtes Les Soyeuses (rooms from £52pppn; 49 rue des Tables Claudiennes; tel. 00 33 6 2973 7780), a quirky hotel full of artfully mismatched old furniture.

11:00 Then soak up last night’s booze with some tasty bread and pastries from Pain & Cie (pastries about £5.25; 13-15 Rue des 4 Chapeaux; tel. 00 33 4 7838 2984). The chunky wooden tables and communal setting is ideal for sharing all your gossip from the night before.

11:30 Take a walk around the architecturally stunning area of Vieux Lyon. This is Lyon’s oldest district and its Renaissance neighbourhoods are something to behold. It’s also home to the most spectacular of the city’s traboules.

This network of underground passages dates back to the 4th century, and was used by workmen and craftsmen to transport their wares around the city. Make your way to the Lyon Tourist Office (en.lyon-france.com) on Place Bellecour, where you can grab a free map marked with all the traboules, or take a guided tour for around £6.

13:30 Go for some gourmet vegetarian grub at Toutes les

Sail Croatia & Greece on your own yacht!

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Couleurs (mains from £9.30; touteslescouleurs.fr) for lunch. Tuck into its all-organic fare, such as a black risotto with turmeric foam. Yum! 14:30 In the Saint Jean quarter, be sure to check out the awesome Museum of Miniatures and Film Sets (museeminiatureetcinema.fr). Visitors can see more than 100 miniature scenes and props from films such as Gremlins, Spider-Man, Jaws and more. They’ll also reveal amazing tricks that are used on set in many film classics.

16:30 Enough of the indoors, time for a walk around Parc de la Tête D’or (loisirs-parcdelatetedor.com), one of the few but gorgeous and expansive parks in Lyon. Legend has it a golden head of Christ is buried in the park, hence the name meaning ‘Park of the Golden Head’.

18:30 You’ve got a big night ahead, so fuel up with one of the best burgers in town at Cafe 203 (from £7; 9 Rue de Garet). It’s also around the corner from ...

20:00 The Opera National de Lyon (opera-lyon.com), which offers spectacular shows, some of them free, and is housed in an iconic neo-classical building. Check its website for the latest scheduled performances and book in advance.

22:00 End your weekend in style at a tropical rum bar.

Le Moana (cocktails from £5; lemoana.fr) is covered in bamboo and coconut decor and has three fish tanks, one with piranhas in it. Sip on stupidly strong cocktails and give it some to their lively live bands later in the evening.

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Holiday hot list around the world

Canal party: the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Dam is set to mark its famous waterwaysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; 400th year in trademark style 68

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Where to travel in 2013 Silent lakes, northern lights, wild safaris, Wiggo-style cycling and outer space star in our list of places you must visit this year Words Helen Elfer

Feeling that post-Crimbo slump? Don’t be daft – this is going to be the most adventurous year of your life. Within the next 12 months, you could be standing in the glow of the northen lights in a far-flung Finnish village, toasting happy birthday to Amsterdam’s canals, hurtling down Corsica’s rocky roads by bike, getting up close and personal with jaguars in Brazil or being haunted by an Alcatraz ghost.

And that’s just a few of our top 13 tips for the most thrilling destinations of 2013, so get cracking and book your next break now. See y’all at the airport!

Kashmir WHY: In November, the Foreign Office finally lifted its longstanding travel warning against parts of Kashmir, India, meaning the cities of Jammu and Srinagar – and the road between them – are no longer considered unsafe for tourists.

So if you’ve been dying to go and explore the region’s lush green hills and undisturbed lakes for years, now’s your chance. The main draw for tourists is Srinagar’s serene Dal Lake, where you can hire a houseboat or go for a paddle in a colourful shikara (wooden ship). There are also ornate mosques to be visited and mountain paths to be trekked.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Srinagar, via Delhi, for £676 return with Air India. airindia.com

Brazil WHY: Because in 2014 Brazil hosts the World Cup and then in 2016 the Olympics go to Rio de Janeiro. In other words, interest in this South American playground is soon to soar and just as quickly, so will the prices. Book now for a better deal than you’ll be able to get for years to come, not to mention the chance to explore the country before it goes totally sports bonkers, gets plastered with corporate sponsorship and swamped by gazillions of tourists. While you’re there, visit the famous ‘jaguar zone’ at Pantanal’s Cuiaba River. There are between 50 and 100 of the elusive big cats living here, so it’s a great place to spot them.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Rio de Janeiro, via Paris, for £656 with Air France. airfrance.co.uk

Finland WHY: Everyone knows this is the year the northern lights are predicted to be the brightest and most colourful in a decade.

So, naturally, hordes of eager travellers are booking up their trips to the high latitudes quicker than you can point and shout, “aurora borealis!” Avoid them all by heading out to the remote Finnish Lapland town of Kilpisjarvi, where regular spectacular light shows from nature are expected.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Helsinki from £256 return with British Airways, and on to Enontekiö with Flybe for £118 return. ba.com; flybe.com

San Francisco WHY: It was 50 years ago in March that the infamous prison Alcatraz shut its doors and turfed out the last of its resident crims. We recommend the night tours (alcatraztickets.com), as the Cell House is particularly sinister after dark, when ghosts are said to roam the island. As a bonus, you get to see the iconic Golden Gate Bridge lit up on the way there.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to San Francisco for £519 return with Virgin Atlantic. virgin-atlantic.com

Malawi WHY: Big five fanatics are always after the next new place to go on safari and, at the moment, their tongues are wagging about the Majete Wildlife Reserve in Malawi. A group of lions were brought here in 2012, making it the only place in this African country where you can seek out the famous quintet of rhinos, elephants, buffalo, leopards and, of course, the lions themselves.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Lilingwe International in Malawi from £907 return with KLM. klm.com

Amsterdam WHY: We’re wishing a very happy 400th birthday to Amsterdam’s Canal Ring this year. It’s also the 160th anniversary of Van Gogh’s birth and the 40th year of the museum dedicated to his life and works. Amsterdammers tntMagazine.com

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Clockwise: pedal power in Corsica; aurora borealis; and lions in Malawi

always like an excuse to party, so 2013 will certainly be a year of festivities. In August, hit the Grachtenfestival, where concerts will be performed on board canalboats.

GET THERE: Fly from London Gatwick to Amsterdam for £96 return with British Airways. ba.com

Londonderry WHY: Our buddies at Lonely Planet named Londonderry – or Derry, as many would prefer it be called – among the world’s top 10 cities to visit this year. Less than an hour from London, the Northern Irish spot is also 2013’s UK City of Culture, meaning all sorts of events will take place, including jazz fests, dance competitions, literary goings-on and the Turner Prize. In other words, there will be countless chances to see this historical riverside city at its most vibrant.

GET THERE: Fly from London Stansted to Londonderry for £52 return with Ryanair.

Iceland WHY: Tell anyone you’re planning a visit to Iceland, and they’ll whistle in horror at the bill they imagine you’re going to rack up. But the currency crash, which devalued the krona, had the silver lining of making a holiday in Iceland much more affordable. However, this won’t last long and prices are already on the rise, so squeeze a trip in soon to hang with the hipsters in Reykjavík or gaze at glaciers in the south.

GET THERE: Fly From London Heathrow to Reykjavik from £203 return with Icelandair. icelandair.co.uk

bookryanair.com

Corsica WHY: The French island of Corsica is set to host the start of the centenary edition of the Tour de France in June, with the first leg’s route announced as a gruelling ride through mountain passes and along coastal paths. This simultaneously reminded everyone just how gorgeous the scenic island really is. Join le Tour’s diehards and ride the course ahead of defending champ Bradley Wiggins and his Team Sky cohorts or just take your own path of exploration.

GET THERE: Fly London Gatwick to Corsica for £175 return with easyJet. easyjet.com

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Dal Lake: beat the tourist rush in Srinagar

Mexico WHY: Mercifully, we can stop talking about the Mayan calendar’s apocalypse predictions now. They didn’t come true – who’d have thunk it? – which means the doomsday loonies will all have pissed off and left the temple zones of Chichen Itza, Tulum and Palenque blissfully crowd-free. Go and enjoy the ruins in the all-new Mayan era.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Mexico City from £679 return with British Airways. ba.com

South Korea WHY: South Korea is really having a moment in the sun right now. The southeast Asian nation’s arts scene is booming, the cuisine is ultra-trendy and the music is a global viral sensation. Find out what the country has to offer besides Gangnam Style video clips by visiting the glitzy chaos of Seoul. Or go for the stunning beaches and hot spring of Busan. This is a truly beautiful country.

GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Seoul from £869 return with Korean Air.

Lift off: Virgin’s SpaceShipTwo

koreanair.com

Cuba WHY: Cuba is now on the cusp of major political and social change (as evidenced by the lifting of strict travel restrictions for Cubans this month). Get out there and feel the buzz in the colourful cities of Havana, Santiago de Cuba and Baracoa. Admire the colonial architecture by day and drink mojitos and dance a little samba by night.

GET THERE: Fly from London to Havana for £670 return with Virgin Atlantic. virgin-atlantic.com

England WHY: Can’t afford to fly off to all these exotic destinations?

Well, enjoy the most quintessentially English of holidays by celebrating the 200th anniversary of the publication of Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice. Wander round Chatsworth House in Derby, the real-life edition of Pemberley, Mr Darcy’s grand home in the BBC series, or peruse original manuscripts at Oxford’s Bodleian Library.

GET THERE: Take the train from London King’s Cross to Derby for £30 return or Oxford for £17.50 return. eastmidlandstrains.co.uk; nationalrail.co.uk

Trendy transport By bicycle So 2012 might have propelled cycling into the big league of spectator sports, thanks in no small part to Wiggo and the London Olympics. But 2013 is already shaping up to be the year everyone stops watching and starts pedalling – after all, exploring a country by bike has to be one of the best ways to see it.

TIP: Freedom Treks are offering a brand-new package for 2013. It’s a long but gentle cycling holiday that takes you through Belgium, from Bruges to Brussels.

A perfect intro to cycling and priced from £780 per person for an eight-day ride.

SEE: freedomtreks.co.uk By rail The great railway journey is officially back in fashion.

Everyone’s hopping on trains for long-distance travel, whether it’s to avoid expense, pollution, airport delays or just for retro kicks. The obvious place to do it is India, naturally, to experience one of the most spectacular track networks in the world.

TIP: The Mandovi Express from Goa to Mumbai runs along the southwest coastline between the Sahyadri hills and the Arabian Sea. An overnight journey costs £15.50 for a second class, air-conditioned sleeper.

SEE: indiarailinfo.com

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Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

By spaceship Yup, you didn’t misread that, 2013 is indeed the year that, apparently, Richard Branson is going to jet off into outer space on Virgin Galactic – the sooner the better as far as we’re concerned. The SpaceShipTwo, which holds just six passengers, is scheduled to make its pioneering two-hour voyage into sub-orbital space in December.

TIP: Nah, who are we kidding? At £124,840 per ticket we couldn’t afford this with a lifetime of savings – although over 500 people have already booked tickets.

SEE: virgingalactic.com

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GALLIPOLI 25th April The Dawn Service at ANZAC Cove is an amazing experience and will leave lasting memories. Also a great time to experience the diverse culture of Turkey fr ÂŁ109 Tours from 2 - 14 days

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Watch Dublin turn in to a sea of Green as we join with the locals to celebrate Irish Style! And a trip to Dublin wouldnt be complete with out a trip to the Guinness Brewery! Choose our coach tour or meet us in Dublin

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With over ÂŁ150 of club entry, a booze cruise, and accommodation, this is too good to miss! Some say the island is a great place to recover from the madness of San Fermin, and some want to kick start the summer.

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Spains biggest festival is a week of fireworks, street parties, parades and off course the gastronomic delights of Valencia. Join us for a four day experience like no other

**Certain conditions apply to our January Sale ÂŁ20 deposit.These will be emailed to you once we have received your booking form and deposit .

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Egypt

TOPDECK 1973

2013

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AT I N G 4 0 Y E

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Book & pay in full by 31st January *Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. The 10% book and pay in full by 31st January offer for North America trips is valid for new confirmed bookings made from 1 January 2013 and paid in full by 31 January 2013. This 10% discount applies exclusively to all North America trips listed in Topdeck’s 2013 North America brochure. This discount can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Please contact our friendly team for further details.

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FAVOURITE SCOTLAND & IRELAND TOUR OPERATOR 2012

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Anderson Tours is fully bonded

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PADDY’S DAY CELEBRATE PADDY’S DAY IN DUBLIN!

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WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac  CAT A+: JUN fr£389 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 SEP fr£399  CAT A: JUL fr£379 AUG fr£399 SEP fr£379

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you’ve filled it BEFORE they travel an hour to get there – a total waste of everyone’s time. Cheers, Dick TUNE FOR THE TUBE: Happy 150 years to old Tubey, the London Underground is properly ancient. Like an ancient granny, you’re lovable, a bit on the crusty side, quite slow and (sometimes) unreliable, but you’re all ours and we love you. Love from London SINGLE AND SEXY: Women of Australia in London – I am

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CHICKEN DANCE: Oi, to the girl with the full fringe and the flimsy boyfriend in Jerk City last Friday, you were Jamaican me crazy with your sexy chicken wing munching. Any woman who can make eating a BBQ wing that sexy, is one I’ve got to meet. JR BLACK METAL: Four-piece Aussie Aboriginal-thrash band seeking balls out percussionist to add unnerving edge to our already formidable live performances. If you can make the bongos sound like they were made by Marshall, we want you. Apply via TNT YOU STINK: Andy, I’ve been desperately seeking a way to tell you that you’re malodorous appearance at Jenny’s birthday was the final straw. By the time you read this your stuff will be on the landing and I’ll have changed the locks. Never speak to me again.

AML Paula CHEERS MATES: Thanks very much to the Meaty Liquor crew of Western Australia (Michael Donnelley, David Murphy and the girls) for helping me out of a sticky situation recently. Larly GOT YOUR NUMBER: Saw you from across the bar at the Temple Walkabout. I was wearing the LA Lakers hat, you were wearing the mini-skirt and navy jumper. Talked to you, got your number, but lost my phone, so can’t get in contact. If you’re interested let’s meet again. Michael KICKABOUT: I don’t give a shit that it’s winter. Let’s get a bunch of Sherrins and beers down to the Common for Oz Day. Who’s in? Dez

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PREMATURE EVACUATION: To the cheeky ‘fresh off the boat’ Aussie guy at She-Bu Walkie on Saturday who spun me around on the dance floor, introduced me to his mates and then went in for a cheeky snog: I did promise to come back but when I went to find my friend, security wouldn’t let me back in because they were closing!

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Jenny Jones THAI HARD : Thanks to all who made my Thai-themed birthday in Putney at Thai Square. The best birthday ever, you guys. It was the biggest cake, the biggest bottle of beer of all time! And Thailand!

Can’t wait. Here we come. Mel WHAT WHINGE: I thought it was supposed to be cold in England in the winter? This has been a piece of piss so far. Confused CANNIBAL CABBIE: To the taxi driver who drove us back home last night, I’m glad you agree with me that if you were stuck on a mountain and your companion died, it’s OK to eat them to stay alive. I don’t know why my mates disagreed. But should the occasion arise, I want you to know you can feast on my deceased belly fat anytime. Gil DRIBBLING DUDE: Guy on the Central Line, I’m sorry you’re so exhausted. But when your horrible head rolled onto my shoulder and drool dripped from your lower lip onto my knee this morning, it was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever had happen to me. Just take a day off and have a lie in, eh?

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