TNT Magazine / Issue 1535

January 28-February 3 2013 Issue 1535 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A VIP TABLE AND BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE AT PACHA

NOT THE ANTIGOD SQUAD? Surprises at the city’s first atheist church

SEX, SUN AND CHEAP RUM Your essential guide to the Rio Carnival

BUTT NAKED AMBITION Taking off your clothes for cash ... er, art

S I H T S S I M DON’T

W d to book NO e e n u o y ts n ve e essential e th – n o d n o L lucky for Why 2013 is + CHEAPEST GYMS SAILING DUBROVNIK SIX NATIONS: DUMMY’S GUIDE TRAVEL DEALS

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER As we wind down from the distractions of early January – post-Christmas credit card bills, new year blues, diets and drink-dry spells – it’s time to start looking forward and planning what’s going to be one hell of a year ahead.

And there’s no better way to get stuck in than by reading through our to-do list for 2013 on P8. Fancy embarking upon an adventure right away? Croatia (P64) and Rio (P68) are our top spots for saucy fun in the sun this week.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY

4

LONDONNEWS

6

DRINK & EATS @TNT

14

SPOTTED

17

LONDON SOUND

18

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS COMPETITION

68

20+23 21

CHATROOM TERESA PALMER 25

FEATURES

LONDON SCENE

26

LONDON’S LUCKY 2013

LONDON FOCUS

28

This year has a lot to live up to, but with our list of must-do events, it really will

LIFESTYLE

Photos: Getty; Mark Weeks

12+13

34-39

8

HEALTH & BEAUTY

34

PRAISE (NOT) THE LORD

CAREERS

36

MONEY

39

The city’s first atheist church service is a hit for worshippers without a religion

NEWS & SPORT

40-50

TRAVEL

53-71

DIARY

54

NEWS

55

LATE DEALS

58

HOTSHOTS

59

TOP FIVE

60

TIPS & STUFF

62

SHORT BREAK

64

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

72-97 98

KELLY GANG SPLIT

28

28

44

With Ned officially buried, we explore the great divide – was he a hero or a crook?

EARN BUCKS NAKED

36

Find out how getting your kit off can earn you a wad of cash – without any sleaze

ADRIATIC ADVENTURE

64

Explore the coast off Dubrovnik the way it deserves – island-hopping by boat

ROCKIN’ RIO CARNIVAL

68

We head to the world’s biggest party for sea, sun, rum and lots of hot singles

8 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne

LONDONDIARY

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Victorian London: it’s the dog’s bollocks, guv

Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004

Shhh... SECRET LONDON leyshon brothers victorian pop-up London bridge

The Leyshon Brothers’ fantastic Victorian-themed pop-up has one week left, so get down and soak up some vintage arts, culture and debauchery. On Jan 29, Victor’s Homecoming will feature top music hall artists including steampunk mentalist Professor Elemental and The Baron, and there’ll be a Victorian quiz night, too. A Right Cockney Knees Up on Jan 31 features domestic dance masters Pearly Kings, Pie and Liquor and, cor blimey, a cockney rhyming slang class. Tickets are selling fast, though, so be quick. £10+

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Jan 26-Feb 2, times vary TBC London Bridge

leyshonbrothers.com

saturday sewing session

brim oop north real ale fest

drop-in life drawing class

Kick back, put that ‘learn a new skill’ resolution into practice and embrace your inner seamstress this week with a relaxing sewing class.

Catering for all levels, classes on offer have fun names including Naughty Knickers, Pajama-rama PJ Bottoms, Pantry Parlour Pinnies and more.

London gets a little taste of the north with this real ale fest. As well as the booze, there will be matching grub, a talk from Barnsley-born author Pete Brown about his latest book, Shakespeare’s Local, and DJs spinning the finest northern soul, Motown and rock ‘n’ roll.

Fancy putting your artistic skills to the test? Then get down to this drop-in life drawing class.

There are two models to choose from – one poses for an hour, the other strikes four poses in the same time – and there’s a tutor on hand to give you tips, too.

You’ll be drawing like Jack from Titanic in no time.

£30+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Various days and times Studio 6 Fairbank Studios, SW10 0NS Fulham Broadway saturdaysewingsession.co.uk

FREE

Jan 31-Feb 3. Thurs, 3pm-11pm; Fri, 3pm-1am; Sat, 12pm-1am; Sun, 12pm-11pm The Snooty Fox, N5 2NN Canonbury snootyfoxlondon.co.uk

£9+

Feb 1, 10am-1pm Lauderdale House, Highgate Hill, N6 5HG Archway lauderdalehouse.co.uk

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Down Under: on ice with Mick Dundee

cinema & skate aussie party Broadgate

What could be more of a reminder of Oz than Rolf Harris and ice skating? OK, so activities that require things freezing don’t immediately make us think of the land Down Under, but this bash in honour of Australia Day at Broadgate Ice Rink gets bloody close – there will be Crocodile Dundee on the big screen, surf boards, kangaroos and Kylie tunes at this fun- and bruise-filled winter spectacular. £9

January 28, 7.30pm-9pm Broadgate Circle, EC2M 2QS

Liverpool Street

broadgate.co.uk

super bowl xlvii the view from sunday party the shard The Baltimore Ravens take on the San Francisco 49ers at the Louisiana Superdome in this year’s NFL Super Bowl, and The Clapham North pub is throwing a US-themed bash for the occasion with an American Diner-inspired menu of hot dogs, burgers and beer. Should be Yankee doodle dandy.

FREE

Feb 3, from 10pm The Clapham North, SW9 9BT Clapham North theclaphamnorth.co.uk

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At a towering 800ft, London Bridge’s glass spike, The Shard, is Western Europe’s highest viewing platform, offering panoramic views of London from a vantage point twice as high as any other in the city. From Feb 1 onwards the public can go up and see more than 60km away, taking in the capital’s majesty and mystery. £24.95+

Daily, 9am-10pm London Bridge SE1 theviewfromtheshard.com

25/01/2013 16:34:01

LONDONNEWS

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NOW ENGLAND ENTERS TRIPLE DIP RECESSION Wonderful news, Londoners: the UK is headed for an unprecedented triple dip recession, official figures show.

The economy withered by 0.3 per cent in the last three months of 2012, it has been revealed, and cements 20082012 as the weakest four years of GDP performance in peacetime England since the 1830s. Economists are predicting that the first three months of this year will usher in further decline. Still, at least chancellor George Osborne has at last achieved something: record-breaking incompetence.

Eating lunch at your desk is disgusting Minister for public health Anna Soubry reckons England’s relationship with food is weird. Maybe you ought to try a day in a proper job during this recession, love

VIRGIN’S FREE WI-FI DOWN THE TUBE Say goodbye to free wi-fi – Virgin Media has started charging for the service on the London Underground.

As of Tuesday January 29, Virgin Media will charge £2 for one day of wi-fi access, £5 for one week and £15 for a monthly Virgin Media Wi-Fi Pass.

There are currently 92 Tube stations with wi-fi installed, increasing to 120 before the end of this year. Jon James, executive director of broadband at Virgin Media, said: “Wi-fi on London Underground has been an incredible success.”

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

CIRCLE: No service Saturday and Sunday DISTRICT: No service between South Kensington and Bromley-by-Bow on Saturday and Sunday

HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Barking on Saturday and Sunday

METROPOLITAN: No service between

Wembley Park, Uxbridge and Northwood and between Baker Street and Aldgate on Saturday and Sunday

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Olympic Park ready to rock New deal means east London venue will host huge pop concerts The Olympic Park is set to host a series of summer music festivals this year, it has been revealed.

Hard Rock Calling and the Wireless Festival will move to the east London park, instead of returning to last year’s venue of Hyde Park, the London Legacy Development Corporation said.

There was controversy last summer when authorities pulled the plug on Bruce Springsteen and Sir Paul McCartney as they dueted at Hard Rock Calling; organisers cited “public health and safety” as the reason when the star pair exceeded their curfew by half an hour.

Whether the Olympic Park will prove a more relaxed stage for a rock concert remains to be seen, but it marks a significant step in terms of its legacy and

authorities’ desire for the park to reinvent itself as one of the city’s most iconic entertainment venues.

John Reid, president of concerts at Live Nation Europe, which promotes both festivals, said: “We are delighted to be staging music concerts at the London Olympics venue, which last year became a globally recognised site for outstanding performances – both in sport and music.

“Over the coming weeks, we intend to announce some major concerts with world-renowned artists, to firmly establish the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park as the centrepiece for great live music in Europe.”

It is understood that Live Nation has gained exclusive rights to the venue, which would bring a raft of acts to the park. The financial terms have not been disclosed.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Well bloomin’ hell, if it isn’t Stringer Bell hitting the decks at Love and Liquor in Kilburn, where he’s begun a seven-week residency in the DJ booth.

The Wire’s Idris Elba will be appearing at the club on Fridays as his alter ego DJ Driis, with “very special guests” promised in support. The star of Prometheus and Thor has been mixing since he was a teenager and even once had a slot on pirate radio station Climax FM, when his ‘stage’ name was Mr Kipling. He told the Evening Standard that the moniker stemmed from the fact he “played an exceedingly good tune”.

Tickets are just £10 if you’re on the guest list, which you can sign up to at loveandliquor.co.uk. A bargain to see Stringer Bell in action, we reckon.

Wired: call him DJ Driis

Photos: Getty

6

Bird brain: Aussie actress Rose Byrne revealed a strange fact about herself at the London premiere of her new movie, I Give It A Year, admitting to being “petrified” of doves

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25/01/2013 16:57:47

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25/01/2013 16:27:06

Glitz and glamour: cabaret will be big this year, bringing boundary-pushing Moulin Rouge-esque shows, and killing off that damn cruise ship cliché

Risk blen

Best of London 2013 The capital’s got a lot to live up to after 2012, but judging by our list of the year’s top events, 13 is lucky for some Words aLASDAIR MORTON

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from the wilderness again: “Burlesque has come in and out of the mainstream for 150 years. People enjoy the novelty and sheer glamour with some oldfashioned saucy entertainment. And every year we raise the bar.”

The seventh annual Burlesque Festival extends from a week last year to 10 days this May, with a packed schedule of acts from around the world – such as London cult hula hoop artiste Anna the Hulagan – who push the boundaries of striptease and variety.

It also has a couple of ultra-special guests in the shape of American Catherine D’Lish, one of the most influential stripping entertainers of the past 20 years, and sideshow legend and shock-star Jim Rose (of Jim Rose Circus infamy) as a special guest host.

Before that, however, the London Cabaret Awards gets things underway next month, honouring the finest and most eye-catching performers. But Martin is coy on revealing who he thinks is in line for the top prizes.

“I have to keep a very strict distance from any voting, and we have a different judging panel every year,” he says. “Two awards are also voted for

by the public, and we have introduced a new category this year to reflect the growing trend for musical comedy cabaret. It’s timely given the opening of new venues such as The Crazy Coqs, St James Theatre and Matcham Room.”

Soho’s Floridita hosts one of many new nights bringing burlesque to the London masses, with its monthly Shaken And Stirred. This January it has something special in store with the Moulin Rouge-inspired Spectacular Spectacular featuring superstars The Folly Mixtures.

And be assured, London has plenty more up its sleeve. From Olympic legacy events showing that London 2012’s passion lives on, to comedians, music, food, festivals and above all, fun, 2013 is where it’s at.

MORE BEST OF LONDON 2013 ›› London Cabaret Awards. Feb 13. £24.50 Royal Vauxhall Tavern, SE11 5HY Vauxhall londoncabaretawards.co.uk London Burlesque Festival. May 10-19. £29+ Various venues across London londonburlesquefest.com Spectacular Spectacular. Jan 30. £19.50+ Floridita, W1F 1TN Leicester Square floriditalondon.com

Hoo

Photos: ©Lipstick Ink; Mark Weeks 2008

2012 is a tough act to follow – how could London hope to match the grandstanding, showboating year of the Jubilee and the Olympics?

By getting bigger, better and more flamboyant, that’s how. Over the next few pages, we’ll preview the hottest trends and events to chisel on to your to-do list in 2013. And first up is a London subculture set to make itself heard in the next 12 months, picking up where the capital’s showmanship of the past year left off.

Cabaret – mixing burlesque, comedy, song, dance and plenty of sauce – is a growing scene in London, and finally seems to be shaking off the cheesy rep that the word suggests. “Cabaret is interactive and deals in spontaneity and that’s really exciting for an audience,” says Paul Martin, creator and producer of this year’s London Cabaret Awards.

“More and more bars and restaurants are looking to give customers reasons to stay out longer and so little stages and pianos are popping up in venues all over the capital.”

London Burlesque Festival organiser and neo-burlesque pioneer, Chaz Royal, agrees the eclectic art form is emerging tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 13:11:34

Risky business: cabaret blends various art forms

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Business Design Centre Islington | N1 0QH Sat March 9 & Sun March 10

REGISTER NOW Hooping mad: Anna the Hulagan

Cabaret awards: organiser Paul Martin TNT_1535_09 9

DEALS 2 DAY SHOW | 50% ARS GIVEAWAYS | SEMIN ONLINE 7000 FREE TICKETS

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pearly kings and queens harvest festival east end

Silverman is massive in the States but her first show over here in 2008 was an unmitigated disaster.

Tickets were priced at £50 and when she performed for just 40 minutes she felt the wrath of her disgruntled fans. Back to set the record straight, she holes up in the Bloomsbury for a night of foul-mouthed and caustic comedy. Fingers crossed. £25

free

September (exact date TBC) Guildhall Yard, EC2V 5AE Bank pearlysociety.co.uk

From Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, it was clear they had a taste for musicals. Their debut on the West End comes straight from Broadway, where the religious satire won a total of nine Tony awards. Co-written with Avenue Q’s Robert Lopez, it has fast earned the stamp of ‘modern classic’, but tickets for the show’s London run are already selling out – a daily ticket lottery will operate, however. £37.50

From Feb 25, various times Prince Of Wales Theatre, W1D 6AS delfontmackintosh.co.uk

Last time Daniel Radcliffe was on stage he was exposing his very own ‘magic wand’ and touching horses nightly in Equus. Now he’s starring in this first major revival of Martin McDonagh’s (writerdirector of the recent film Seven Psychopaths) 1996 comic classic, about a crippled young man on a remote Irish island who wants a part in a Hollywood flick that is filming nearby. £10+

Jun 8-Aug 31, 7pm Noel Coward Theatre, WC2N 4AU Leicester Square delfontmackintosh.co.uk

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Charing Cross

gingerline east london

ride london across london

”Loose lips sink ships,” that’s the mantra of Kiwi and Aussie organisers Sus and Kelly who are behind this clandestine dining experience which incorporates theatre and art.

Pop-up surprise dining is set to get even bigger this year.

The Gingerline crew’s run is on until the end of February.

This inaugural massparticipation cycling festival expects 70,000 riders as much of the Olympic road race route and tourist spots in London take centre stage. The cyclists, both pro and amateur, are promoting travel on two wheels.

£50

the cripple of inishmaan west end

Feb 9, 7.30pm The Bloomsbury Theatre, WC1H 0AH Euston Square thebloomsbury.com

the book of mormon west end

Until Feb 28, times on booking TBC gingerline.co.uk

Life and Death in Pompeii and Herculaneum british museum

£48

Aug 3-4, times TBC Across London Various ridelondon.co.uk

bird’s eye view fest south bank

The two cities buried by the eruption at Vesuvius in AD 79 are the focus of this 250 artefactstrong exhibition.

This female film fest shows that it’s not just Zero Dark Thirty helmer Katherine Bigelow making waves out there. This year’s event focuses on the Arab women making great films, and the dedication needed to make the art at all.

Mar 28-Sep 29, 10am-5pm (Fri until 8.30pm) WC1B 3DG Tott Crt Rd britishmuseum.org

Apr 3-10, various times BFI, SE1 8XT Waterloo birds-eye-view.co.uk

£15

£TBC

david bowie is ... kensington This year is shaping up to be massive for the Brixton-born Bowie.

Not only has he stunned the world with a new single, Where Are We Now?, and album, The Next Day, but he is also the focus of this retrospective exhibition looking at his life and work.

Music videos, handwritten lyrics, stage costumes including the bodysuit for the 1973 Aladdin Sane tour (above), photos, set designs and his own instruments are all on display for fellow Spiders from Mars. £14

Mar 23-Jul 28, Sat-Thur, 10am5.30pm; Fri, 10am-10pm V&A, SW7 2RL Kensington vam.ac.uk

Bowie photo: design by Kansai Yamamoto, photograph by Masayoshi Sukita, © Sukita / The David Bowie Archive 2012; Joan Marcus

At first, these elaborately dressed oldies look like they’ve stepped out of an am-dram convention for septuagenarians. However, they’re as traditional as Dickens and cockney as rhyming slang. The Pearlies rock their pearl button suits (dating back to 19th century), and this festival marks the Autumn harvest with music and a parade.

sARAH SILVERMAN EUSTON

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 13:11:50

louis ck greenwich & hammersmith

the great map greenwich The large outdoor space at the National Maritime Museum becomes a giant interactive map loaded with info on seafaring ways and mega water battles. You can walk across it and there are also touch screen tablets with more info so you can learn how the oceans’ winds drive ships, and who defeated who, where, and most importantly, how. £TBC

Opens March Romney Road, SE10 9NF Maze Hill rmg.co.uk

There are two reasons why this year will belong to this critically lauded, publicly adored New York-based comedian. Firstly, his ace self-based TV show Louie is set to hit over here on the newly rebranded Fox channel (reason alone to get some Sky connections). Also, he’s booked to play standup, sleb-loaded shows at The O2 and Hammersmith Apollo. Don’t be the one left asking, “Louis who?” £35+

lichtenstein: a retrospective bankside One of the fathers of pop art and one of the most important artists of the 20th century, Roy Lichtenstein gets his first major retrospective in this country, which pulls together 125 of his works – including Whaam! (1963) and Masterpiece (1962, above) – in celebration of his advertising and comic-strip-influenced output. This Tate and Art Institute of Chicago collaboration is one of 2013’s cultural highlights and features loads of pop art talks and lectures. £14

March 20, 7pm The O2, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk March 21, 7pm Hammersmith Apollo, W6 9QH Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.com

Feb 21-May 27, Sun-Thur, 10am-6pm; Fri & Sat, 10am-10pm Tate Modern, Bankside, SE1 9TG London Bridge tate.org.uk

the rest is noise festival south bank This showcase of music from the 20th century reflects on how war, sex, race and politics shaped those hundred years.

“Inspired by [music critic] Alex Ross’ award-winning book, The Rest Is Noise, we have set out to capture the spirit of a century and how music reflected its discords,” Southbank Centre artistic director Jude Kelly explains of the seven-month-long festival. With more than 100 concerts (Liza Minnelli), 150 talks and debates, film screenings (Woody Allen’s Midnight In Paris), the history of music from 1900 onwards comes under the spotlight in a way never before seen in this country. £TBC

Until June 9, various times Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, E1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

yankee burgers central london Tesco may have done a disservice to the face of the British burger of late, but this year is all about the all-American culinary mainstay. Top US burger chains Shake Shack and Five Guys are set to open their first UK stores this summer. Goodbye GBK, here comes the real McCoy. £TBC

red bull soapbox racing alexandra park Creativity and nerves of steel are the order of the day for this madcap day of soapbox racing (pictured, left), which returns to the UK after a nine-year absence. Entries close on March 31, so get involved pronto!

FREE

Summer 2013 TBC shakeshack.com; fiveguys.com

July 14, times TBC Alexandra Palace, N22 7AY Alexandra Palace soapbox.redbull.co.uk

queen elizabeth olympic park stratford

itu triathlon world series hyde park

The Olympic Park opens its doors once more, this time as a publicfriendly outdoor space, on the anniversary of Danny Boyle’s world-stunning opening ceremony.

The same route as was used in the Olympics last year welcomes the world’s best swimbike-runners for the World Triathlon series grand final.

The legacy lives on.

Jul 27, various times E20 Stratford noordinarypark.co.uk

Sep 11-16, times TBC Hyde Park, W2 2UH Hyde Park Cnr london-triathlon.org

FREE

FREE

canalway cavalcade west london It doesn’t come more English than this 30th anniversary boaters’ gathering, complete with all the jolly nice pleasantries you’d expect. There’s tea and cakes, real ale, Morris dancers, bands and upwards of 100 canal boats moored along a stretch of the Grand Union Canal, with a special boat illumination competition, too.

FREE

May 4-6, Sat & Sun, 10am-6pm; Mon, 10am-5pm Little Venice, Paddington, W9 1ER Warwick waterways.org.uk

tntMagazine.com

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LONDONDRINKS

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THE CRAFT BEER CO.

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Beer-u-tiful: welcoming and with amazing brews

BAR

From outside, The Craft Beer Co. looks like a pub from a film set – it’s the very model of how a pub should look. But it’s in fact one in an independent chain whose devotion to good beer has won a staunch following. Launched in 2011, they have four sites now and the latest in Angel may be its most fetching. Oddly, the most noticeable feature on entry is the thick, red, luxuriant carpet. Stripped wooden floors have become ubiquitous with cool pubs in the past decade, but here it’s a glorious throwback – coupled with the deep, racing green walls, it makes this drinking hole more welcoming than any I’ve encountered in London. The span of generations among patrons is also uncommon. It isn’t infested with students, nor is it an ‘old mans’ pub’ – it seems good beer brings people together. The bar may be small but it’s always well-staffed, and a cosy garden provides a retreat for smokers.

THE GRUB Crisps and nuts – if you want food, go to a restaurant.

THE SCENE

Despite all of its perks, comfortably the best thing about The Craft Beer Co. is the variety and quality of its beer menu, an incredible array of globally sourced craft brews and ales. Seriously awesome.

BILL PLEASE Pints and spirits from £3.20, wine from £4 per glass.

VERDICT I’ll say it without reservation or exception: this, in my opinion, is the best pub in London. OLI JONES BEHIND THE BAR

55 White Lion St, N1 9PP

thecraftbeerco.com

3 OF THE BEST CEVICHE

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Angel

CEVICHE

LIMA LONDON

TITO’S

The restaurant that made Peruvian staple ceviche London’s hottest food trend (despite it being served cold), this snug eatery has made a big impression in Soho with an impressive range of dishes from £7.

Bringing a taste of Peru to Fitzrovia, this fashionable spot serves small plates using organic produce from growers based in the Andes and the Amazon. There’s also a three-course set lunch or pre-theatre menu for £20.

Tito’s Peruvian Restaurant is a rustic affair that offers traditional dishes from various regions of Peru.

Bag ceviche at this London Bridge eatery from around £8.95 per plate, and get pisco sours by the jug.

cevicheuk.com

limalondon.com

titosperuvianrestaurant.com

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25/01/2013 15:40:56

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BITE SIZE

Understated: Sri Thong

BRIXTON OR BRAZIL? Who needs Brazil when you’ve got Brixton? OK, bear with us on this one. If you can’t make Rio Carnival on February 9-12 but fancy a little sunshine in your snow-saddled life, head to Senzala Creperie Bar & Cafe in Brixton Village, which is dishing up Brazilian-inspired crepes over the Carnival period, and will host an exotic extravaganza on the night of Saturday, February 9: rock up to Senzala between 8pm-10pm and enjoy a feast of samba dancers, Brazilian batucada drummers and samples from the new menu. Tasty.

41-42 Coldharbour Lane, SW9 8PS

SRI THONG Face-off: Ravens vs 49ers

SUPER BOWL BASH It’s Super Bowl Sunday this weekend, which means gearing up to watch Baltimore and San Francisco in true Yank style – shoving a mountain of food and drink down your throat.

Skyloft, in Westminster, is hosting an Ultimat vodka screening party, with complimentary Ultimat cocktails all evening, all-American snack food and Ultimat bloody Marys with an American breakfast come the third quarter. Tickets are £15pp, and the party’s on from 10pm-3am. wegottickets.com/ultimat

Photos: Getty

GIANT PIZZA JOINT Discover your new favourite late-night snack spot in Dalston – Voodoo Ray’s has just opened at 95 Kingsland High Street, serving 22-inch pizzas until 3am at weekends and 1am in the week.

Pair the cheesy treats with the team’s in-house mixed frozen margaritas and – seeing as this is the very heart of hipsterland – a range of craft beers.

THAI

Tucked away in the winding streets snaking from Liverpool Street station to Spitalfields, the glass-fronted Sri Thong doesn’t look like a typical London-based Thai restaurant. There is no faux Asian decor, no overwhelming smell of incense, no lotus flowers. Instead, it’s understated; there are white tablecloths and a cleancut interior – although, this might be disappointing for those looking for that south Asian ambience. There’s a large group of us, and it’s a busy Friday night, but it doesn’t faze the staff – they are friendly, attentive and keep the food coming and our glasses topped up with wine.

The grub Sri Thong’s chef is from west of Bangkok and draws his inspiration from Thailand as well as Europe, so expect to find classic dishes along with experimental fusions on the menu. We order a bunch of sharer starters to kick off the evening.

Plates with large helpings of chicken and prawn satay, chargrilled aubergines, tempura vegetables, prawns on toast and crunchy seaweed arrive. Most of the food is deep-fried, so it’s all a bit oily, with liquid oozing out as I bite down. But it washes down well with a bottle of beer. So far, so average. However, what pushes this restaurant from three stars to four is its mains. My Penang curry is delicious, oozing with rich, creamy red sauce, which is thickly coating chunks of soft, fresh vegetables. It’s spot-on. Every other dish is also insanely delicious. From the Gai Graprouw (wok-fried chicken fillet with fresh chilli and holy basil), to the Goong Pao Panang (freshwater king prawns marinated, chargrilled and topped with a mild Panang curry sauce and coconut milk), all of our mains are faultless. They’re so good, everyone stuffs themselves silly and there’s no room for dessert.

THE SCENE

Just Singha and Tiger beers, but a fantastic selection of wines from around the globe. You can also order a fresh juice if you’re on the wagon.

Bill please Starters from £4.50; mains from £5.50; beers £3.65; wine from £3.55. verdict A perfect find for top Thai food without the fuss. carol driver Behind the bar

facebook.com/voodoorays 1 Widegate Street, E1 7ES

srithong.co.uk

Liverpool Street

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When kim kardashian has a baby it’ll be the second thiNG her vagina’s given birth to – the first was her career, of course

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Re: Tony Abbott calls himself a grog monster (tntmagazine.com): Why is it bizarre? He’s just demonstrating that he knows his limits. Many of us could, should and do need to show a bit more self control when it comes to having that one last pint.

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nomadic soirees The Old Queen’s Head, Islington Thursday, January 24, 2013 Photos by: David Salas / TNT More pics and tag yourself at facebook.com/tntmag

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Techno pops: Kraftwerk have been electro music trailblazers since 1970

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD Pop stars are all up themselves, right?

Arrogant, fame-seeking whores who take themselves and their art far too seriously, looking upon us proles through the tinted windows of their limos. Not at all, as queen of gothic bombast Florence Welch showed last week. There was no chauffeur waiting outside when she attended Kendrick Lamar’s gig in Hammersmith; instead, the million-selling superstar opted for the Tube to get home. She tried to keep a low profile – with her roaring red hair, we don’t know how she thought this possible – but was quickly spotted by the carriage of music fans who began singing You’ve Got The Love, her biggest hit. Completely unperturbed, Welch joined in and then led everyone through Lamar’s Backseat Freestyle, too. It was a fantastic moment that broke down the barrier between artist and fan, showing us that stars up there are just like you and me. You know, only richer.

KRAFTWERK Tate Modern, SE1 9TG FEB 6-14 (NOT FEB 10) | DOORS AT 9PM | £60+

Immortalised in pop culture by a multitude of spoofs, such as half-man, halfhobbit, musical comedy genius Bill Bailey’s, German minimalist-robo-industralists Kraftwerk bring this career-spanning, album-centred series of shows to London.

So enthusiastic were the music aficionados and devotees when hearing the news of these eight gigs, Kraftwerk: The Catalogue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, that the Tate’s website crashed when tickets went on sale due to the influx of Man-Machine-ers.

Kraftwerk will take refuge in the eye-catching Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern (their name translates as ‘power station’, making their choice of venue extremely apt) for a series of shows that spans their futurist take on electronic music.

Each of the performances will see the foursome play one album from their eight-record back catalogue in its entirety. They kick off with their debut, 1974’s seminal Autobahn, before moving on through Radio-Activity (1975), instant classic Trans Europe Express (1977), The Man-Machine (1978), Computer World (1981), Techno Pop (1986), The Mix (1991) and Tour De France Soundtracks (2003).

The shows, which were premiered at New York’s Museum Of Modern Art (MOMA) last year, will also see the band’s iconic men-at-keyboards line-up accompanied by dazzling 3D visualistations and effects, which will no doubt look truly spectacular at the Tate.

They may not get the credit, but Kraftwerk have been as influential as your Led Zeps and Beatles, yet still retain a cult, offbeat sensibility. A one-off opportunity.

Southwark

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25/01/2013 15:41:53

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NEW BAND

rita ora GIG Feb 5 & 6. 7.30pm £22.50

This pop-tastic r‘n’b singer has had one hell of a career already, and she’s only 21 years old. Her debut album, Ora, topped the charts last year and after three number-one hits in the past 12 months, including How We Do (Party), RIP and her appearance on DJ Fresh’s Hot Right Now, she’s snagged two Brit Award nominations.

Photos: Getty

Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

ritual

puscha: undercover

CLUB

CLUB

sat, feb 2. 8pm-4AM £12

sat, feb 2. 10pm-6am £20

The team behind Tempo Tantrum and The Music League launch this new monthly night to bring more cutting edge contemporary tunes and sounds to an area of London poorly served for such. Greg Wilson, Maxxi Soundsystem, Horse Meat Disco and Yoghurt Warriors are among those lining up for the first night. About time.

Spy-themed decor, pyrotechnics to stun, eyecatching dancers and installations are just the backdrop for this first Puscha party of 2013.

Abigail Bailey launches her new single, OCD, on the evening, with DJs Seamus Haji, Tony English and Soul Avengerz’ Paul Gardner on the decks, plus a couple of surprises.

Under The Bridge Stamford Bridge, Fulham Road, SW6 1HS Fulham Broadway rituallondon.com

Electric Brixton Town Hall Parade, SW2 1RJ Brixton electricbrixton.com

thurston moore + michael chapman

east village birthday: quentin harris + more

dj krush

GIG

CLUB

GIG

fri, feb 1. 7.45pm £15

Jan 31-Feb 4. Times vary £5+

fri, feb 1. 8pm-2am £17.50+

Singer-guitarist with New York noise rocking art outfit Sonic Youth, Mr Moore plays this rare acoustic show sans his other band where he will take the stage with Leeds singer Chapman. How one of the guys behind Youth’s feedback-formed output will mutate in this different setting will be fascinating to see.

The east London club celebrates its fifth birthday with a week-long line-up of events. They include bass bash Uprise Audio Vs Stink Like Sock (Jan 31), reggae and dub night Rootikal (Feb 1) and drum’n’bass‘n’breaks night Hi-Fi (Feb 3).

House star Quentin Harris (above) heads up the Saturday night hedonism party showpiece.

The 50-year-old DJ and producer is as influential as they come (the likes of Flying Lotus count him as a main hero), and with 20 years of beat-making and instrumental hip-hop nonconformity under his belt he’s playing a rare three-hour set to emphasise the fact. Support comes from DJ Food and Anchorsong (live).

Purcell Room Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk

East Village 89 Great Eastern Street, EC2A 3HX Old Street eastvillageclub.co.uk

The Forum 9-17 Highate Road, NW5 1JY Kentish Town soundcrashmusic.com

Waterloo

sin fang The buzz so far This Icelandic indie wunderkind (Seabear frontman Sindri Már Sigfússon, the Icelandic Beck according to Rolling Stone mag) strikes out on his own with the sort of eccentric yet melodic indie-pop that fuses beats, layered vocal harmonies and myriad instruments that arrive at just the right moment to leave you feeling warm, bewildered and intrigued, often all at the same time. It’s a dense and diverse sonic minefield that is intimate one moment and stadium-ready big the next, loaded with beautiful, haunting melodies.

The Critics say “Musical invention, lyrical tenderness and creative gold” HasItLeaked.com the plug Flowers is out Feb 1 through Morr Music. heysinfang.com

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CLUBLISTINGS

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Ctrl Shift Presents Paul Woolford, Arnaud Le Texier and Andrew Sansom spin dance, house, techno and electro. Relay, Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. Adv £12 & £14.

Monday 28 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin house, funk and R’n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

BOOK NOW!

Fabriclive Sub Focus spins house, drum ‘n’ bass, dubstep and electro with Delta Heavy, Wilkinson, Culture Shock, Mind Vortex, Fabio, DC Breaks, Unknown Error, Ray Rampage, IC3, Fats, 2Shy, Doorly, Culprate, Rene Lavice, Hamilton, Chroma, Chords, System and Bassline. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

10pm-6am. Adv £22 inc CD, adv £17 & £18, fabricfirst £13, NUS £10.

Hoxton Ukulele Hootenanny Resident DJs play Ukulele inspired music, plus live performances.

The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958).

7.30pm-midnight. £20.

The Jump Off Hip-hop and rap courtesy of Rap 6, Charlie Sloth and DJ Manny Norte. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 9pm-2am. £15, £12 before 10pm, adv £8.

Popcorn Paulo Moreno, Alan K and Jamie Hammond spin house, with pop and dance in the Stage Bar and R’n’B and hip-hop courtesy of T-Rex in the Star Bar. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020).

11pm-5.30am. £8, £4 before 1am, NUS/mems/wristband free before 1am.

soundcrash: clark + daedelus Koko. Apr 20. £19.50 Two of the biggest names in live electronica (Daedelus above) convene, with support by Hidden Orchestra, Kelpe and some special guests.

NW1 7JE

Mornington Crescent

soundcrashmusic.com

Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10.

Sessions House, soul and bass courtesy of My Panda Shall Fly, Piri Piri, Tim Hinson and Martha PC. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 11pm-3am. £3.

Camden Neon Rush Hip-hop and tech-house courtesy of Afrocut, Siloet and Coombs. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-1.30am. £6, guestlist £4.

Factory Afterparty Resident DJs play house, nu-disco, electro and techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

1am-8am. £6, w/flyer/mems £4.

F.I.S.H Resident DJs play house, disco and minimal techno.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 11pm-late. £8, w/flyer £5 before 1am.

Hot Wuk Wednesdays Bashment, reggae, dub, dancehall, soca, one-drop reggae, grime and UK funky. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

7pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm.

Sound Plate Awards Party House, bass and garage courtesy of some of this year’s winners including Black Butter Records DJs, DJ Pioneer and Glacier. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 9pm-2am. Adv £5.

Tuesday 29

Glamorous Afterparty Deep house and electro courtesy of DJs Kaos Kid, Marlon K and Francko Harris.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

5am-11am. £7, w/flyer £6.

No Quarter Resident DJs play pop, rock and indie, plus live performances. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £8, £5 after 11pm, free after midnight.

Paradox DJs Terry Francis, Julian Perez, Outart and Cristian Sirica spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-6am. Adv £8.

Ritmo Latino Resident DJs play Latin, salsa and bachata with dance lessons from teachers Peynao Er Bachatero, Angela Mariano, Julian Mr M, John Otaran and guests. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

7pm-late. £5, free before 9pm.

Wednesday 30 Aquila The resident DJs spin house, hip-hop, electro, dubstep and mainstream music across two floors. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-1.30am. Guestlist £8.

Cheapskates Resident DJs and guests supply indie, electro and old-school vibes.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

9pm-3.30am. W/flyer £5.

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MTA Records Resident DJs and guests play dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-3am. Adv £5.

Work DJs supply R’n’B, dancehall, hip-hop and grime. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ (020 7820 6613).

11pm-4am. £5 & £7, £3 before midnight, free before 11.30pm.

Thursday 31 Bad Sex House, electro and disco courtesy of Laurent Schark, with a live performance from Jakil. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-2.30am. £7, £5 before 10pm, guestlist £5, free before 10pm.

English Frank Drum ‘n’ bass and hip-hop, plus English Frank performs. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (020 8993 2915). 9pm-late. £3.

Globetronica House, dub, broken beat, nu-jazz and world beats. The Player, Broadwick St, W1F 8HN (020 7494 9125).

8pm-2am. £5 after 9pm.

Gravity DJs Fat Tony, Verity Mayes and The Oli spin house and electro.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). Midnight-8am. w/flyer £5, free before 1am.

Onvision Aleksandr spins house and techno with resident support. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-6am. £15, £12 before 1am, adv/NUS/mems £8.

Your Mum’s House Resident DJs supply pop and disco. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, free before 10.30pm.

Friday 1 The 25th Hour The Libertines’ drummer Gary Powell, Kasabian DJ Dan Ralph Martin, Sianne and Club NME DJ Disco Stu provide indie and rock ‘n’ roll.

Plus live performances from The Tomorrow Men, Angry vs The Bear and Eyes On Film.

The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 8pm-2am. £5.

Ali Shaheed Muhammad The American DJ and rapper supplies hip-hop and R’n’B. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). 7pm-late. £20.

Back2back Special Drum ‘n’ bass from Hazard, The Prototypes, Harry Shotta, Shadow Demon Coalition, Ed Rush, Optical, Original Sin, Sub Zero, Majistrate, Logan D, Annix, Inter and Witney.

Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290).

10pm-6am. Adv £18.50.

Control Preparty Resident DJs and guests spin house and dance.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Cosmic Gate Cosmic Gate, Jochen Miller, Omnia, Graeme Lloyd, Jay Deep, Olivier Garth, Subbass and Innovational Recordings provide trance, dance, techno and house.

The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £16, mems £14.

Shut That Sh*t Down Grooverider, Bailey, Doc Scott, Ray Keith, Bryan Gee, Artificial Intelligence, Ezm and Default Disruptor, Templeman, Scainer, Candon Rush and Subtempo play drum ‘n’ bass and jungle across two rooms.

The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774).

10pm-6am. £12, adv £10.

Soundcrash Presents The Grandmaster From Tokyo Hip-hop, trip hop, turntablism and electronica courtesy of DJ Krush, DJ Food and Mr Thing, with a live performance from Anchorsong. The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099).

8pm-2pm. £17.50, adv £14.50.

Tender Hooks Gerd, Serge, Tender Hooks, Mr Beatnick, Semtek and Alis spin house, techno, electronica and bass, plus a live performance from Legowelt. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760).

10pm-6am. Adv £8-£12.

This Is Dubstep Album Launch Party DJs Trolley Snatcha, Coki, True Tiger, Zomboy, Torqux, Madd, Killawatt, Distance and Darkside spin dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. Queue jump £22, £15, adv/NUS/mems £12.

Saturday 2 Bootleg Social Resident DJs supply dance, house and techno.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Cultured 1st Birthday DJs Fur Coat, Deep’art, Liam Webb, Jamie Ward and FACE spin house and techno. Relay, Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. £13, adv £10 & £12.

East Village 5th Birthday Quentin Harris, Stuart Patterson and Jimmy P spin house, while Dan Beaumont, Phil Asher, Tim Keenoy and Neil Thornton play disco. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-5am. £12, £10 before 11.30pm, adv £5 & £8.

Fabric Techno and house from Craig Richards, Scuba, Terry Francis, Blawan, Kevin Griffiths and Spencer Parker, with live performances from Dense And Pika and Barker And Baumecker. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-8am. Adv £24 inc CD, £20, adv £19, NUS £14, £10 after 4am.

@tntmagazine

Fake Blood The DJ spins electro, hip-hop and big beat, with support from DJ LeBreton and Kolsch. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-3am. Adv £12.

Familia Carnaval Jennifer Cardini, Eli Iwasa, Borja Pena, Jay Tempest, JB, Nick Tcherniak, Kath Harding and Marta Del Valle spin house, electro, techno and carnival music. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-11am. £20, mems/adv £15, NUS £13.

MC Skibadee’s Last Ever Birthday Bash MC Skibadee, Shotta, Dr Eps, Ruffstuff, Grooverider, Dub Zero, DJ Phantasy and Futureboune, spin drum ‘n’ bass in arena’s one and two, while Eastman, Probe, El Matadore, Profile, Terry M, Dribz and KMH play ragga, house and garage in arena three. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678).

10.30pm-6am. £13.50.

Pushca Undercover DJs Seamus Haji, Tom Novy, Tony English and Paul Gardner spin house and dance, plus a live performance from Abigail Bailey. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290).

10pm-6am. Adv £20, early bird £15.

Ritual Greg Wilson, Horse Meat Disco, JDP, Maxxi Soundsystem and Shark Bait spin house, techno, electro, breaks, funk, disco and bass. Plus Concrete Disco perform live. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (020 7957 8261).

8pm-4am. £20, adv £15.

Rock Sin Subtitulos Presents Resident DJs play popular Spanish music, indie, dance and pop, plus a live performance from Ivan Ferreiro. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). 10pm-6am. £25, adv £24.

Tresor Berlin The renowned German techno label hosts the first in a series of warehouse parties in the UK, featuring Juan Atkins, DJ Deep, Psyk and Dasha Rush live. Netil House, Westgate St, E8 3RL (020 3095 0900).

10pm-6am. £25, adv £12-£20.

Sunday 3 Jaded DJs Gary Beck, Raymundo Rodriguez and Chris Stanford spin house and techno.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 5am-1pm. Adv £15.

Momentum Resident DJs and guests spin house and dance.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Superbowl 2013 Resident DJs play pop, soul, funk and rock ‘n’ roll, with a showing of the game.

All proceeds go to Shelter, a charity for homeless children. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 8pm-4am. Adv £8.

WetYourSelf! 6th Birthday DJ Hell, who was at the epicentre of the German electroclash movement in the mid 1990s, joins Peter Pixzel, Cormac and Jacob Husley to spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £12, adv/NUS/mems £7.

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 15:26:31

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Max Chapman

A VIP TABLE AT PACHA FRIDAYS TNT and international superclub Pacha have joined forces to offer one lucky reader and nine mates one hell of a prize. The illustrious venue has launched its brand-new Friday nights, Pacha Fridays, with some of the most up-and-coming electronic acts out there booked to rock up and play a set.

The prize consists of VIP entrance, a table for 10 people and a bottle of champagne. Applicants must be 18 years or over.

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25/01/2013 17:10:23

WAITANGI February 6

5 PM TILL MIDNIGHT Free Feijoa & Apple Cocktails

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MUSICLISTINGS

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Monday 28 Aberjey The London-based group plays acoustic pop and soul with Afrobeat rhythms.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). Adv £5.

BOOK NOW!

Birthmark, Someone Died, Katie Malco, Shakey Hands American indie-rockers fronted

by Nate Kinsella. The Old Blue Last, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES (020 7739 7033). £5.50.

Aimee Mann The singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist performs rock and pop to promote her album Charmer. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £15-£25, concs £7.50-£12.50.

Nadeah, La Maison Tellier Australian singer-songwriter Nadeah Miranda performs indie-folk and pop-rock.

Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £12.50.

Pacer, Rivalries, Swimgood, Home Advantage, Big Casino The London-based band plays punk-rock. Surya, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JL (020 7713 6262). £6.

Tuesday 29 Appletop, Dead Coast, The Choo Choo Trains The French band plays indie-rock. The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). £5, adv £4.

Mykki Blanco Hip-hop and rap by the New York-based singer.

Birthdays, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 8BJ (020 7923 1680). £7.

Henrik Freischlader The producer, singer and guitarist from Wuppertal, Germany performs blues-rock, nu-jazz, funk and soul from the album, House In The Woods. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). Adv £10.

John Murry The Oaklandbased, Mississippi-born singersongwriter performs alternative country-rock and Americana in support of the album, The Graceless Age. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £9.

Kelly Joe Phelps Blues and Americana singer-songwriter and guitarist from Portland, Oregon.

The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £14.

Poppy, Lauren Rich, Lola Alt pop with a twist of jazz by the Londonbased singer-songwriter. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £5.

The Ruby Suns Indie-pop by the band originating from New Zealand. The Sebright Arms, Coate St, E2 9AG (020 7729 0937). £8.

Holly Herndon Experimental music from the San Francisco-based performer. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £12, adv £10.

The View The Dundee-formed quartet plays indie-rock and postpunk in support of its album, Cheeky For A Reason. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £12.

Hoax, Perspex Flash, Vexed The Massachusetts group plays hardcore punk. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £6.

Friday 1 Amusement Parks On Fire, Spotlight Kid, All Eyes West The five-piece performs experimental rock songs. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). Adv £8.

Collectress, Jo Thomas Experimental and avant-garde music from the four-piece.

Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

E.b.r.u., Olivia Leisk, Ella Marie Indie-pop by the London-based singer-songwriter. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £5, adv £4.

Thumper The London-based outfit performs psychedelic indie-rock.

Trinity Centre, Beechwood Rd, E8 3DY (020 7249 6061). Adv £6.

sigur rÓs Brixton Academy. Mar 7, 8 & 9. £33+ The Icelandic post-rockers bring their sixth album Valtari to town, as well as their monster smash Hoppipolla.

SW9 9SL

Brixton

o2academybrixton.co.uk

Wednesday 30 Colin Blunstone Band Pop-rock courtesy of the veteran singer and former member of The Zombies. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £17.

Glen Hansard Folk-rock from the Ballymun-born singersongwriter. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891/ cc 020 7638 8891). £15-£20.

Tori Kelly The American singersongwriter performs upbeat pop and R‘n’B. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50.

Rosa Mojo & Andy MacMurray, Charlie Davies, Ghosts Of Fortune, The Statue Thieves Alt folk-pop with goth overtones for the London-based duo.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, adv/concs £4.50.

Trey Songz The singer-songwriter, rapper and producer performs R‘n’B and hip-hop to promote his album Chapter V. Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0844 249 1000). Also Thu. £30-£50.

Spin Doctors Pop-rock by the New York-based band.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

TwoSixOnes, H.A.M., Harlem Rose Pop and rock from the Londonbased five-piece group. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £7, adv £5.

Dan Walsh Folk and bluegrass by the Newcastle-based banjo player.

Brunel Museum And Engine House, Railway Ave, Rotherhithe, SE16 4LF (020 7231 3840). £12, adv £10.

We The Kings The lively five-piece group from Bradenton, Florida plays upbeat pop-punk, emo-pop and alt-rock. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £15.

Jackie D Williams The singersongwriter performs soulful bluesrock with R‘n’B and pop elements.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Adv £5.

Thursday 31 Detour City, Drdr, Shamefaced Sparrows, Swwallow, Rafaella London-based musician and producer Tabitha Benjamin performs bass-heavy electro and dubstep. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). £5.

London Afrobeat Collective, Les Effrontes The ensemble performs funk, Afrobeat and soulful groove. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10 & £15.

Makavalien, Fall Short For Glory, F***shovel, Anaam, Jazz Coma The London-based quartet plays thrash metal.

The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £5.

The Montossori Jacks, The Mono Polys, California Gypsies, Tim Gallagher The Essex four-piece performs a mix of laid-back and catchy poprock. Fiddler’s Elbow, Malden Rd, NW5 3HS (020 7485 3269). £5.

The Navajo, Daniel WardMurphy & The Words, Rebecca De Jouvencel, Anjana Vasan Americana-tinged rock and blues from the London-based fourpiece. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

Passenger, Stu Larsen Acoustic guitarist and singer-songwriter Mike Rosenberg performs alt rock and folk-pop. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £11.

Remus Down Boulevard The group performs energetic alt rock. Bridgehouse 2, Bidder St, E16 4ST (020 7474 3200). £5.

Polly Scattergood The Londonbased singer performs baroque pop and progressive indie.

Shacklewell Arms, Shacklewell Ln, E8 2EB (020 7249 0810). £6.50.

The Strangers, Halfway To New York, The Cream Tangerines Rock band from London. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £7.

Paul Carrack The veteran guitarist performs pop-rock. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £32.50 & £42.50.

Dexters, Bibelots, Black Cherry Indie-pop group with elements of punk. The Sebright Arms, Coate St, E2 9AG (020 7729 0937). £8, adv £6.

The Dropper’s Neck, The Black Mirrors, All Against Nothing, The Milkmen Alternative rock with elements of rockabilly and punk by the Essex-based quintet.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £7, adv/concs £5.

Gnod, Anthroprophh, Big Naturals Alt and experimental rock by the band from the North West of England. Shacklewell Arms, Shacklewell Ln, E8 2EB (020 7249 0810). £7, adv £6.

Go-Zilla, Sly Old Fox, Summer The London-based dance trio plays electro-infused indie-rock.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £7.

Men Without Hats New wave pop from the Montreal-based band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £13.50.

Thurston Moore, Michael Chapman Alt and experimental rock from the American singer and guitarist.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £15, concs £7.50.

Saint Savannah, Jubilee Courts The Brighton-formed outfit plays folk-pop and indie. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £5.

We Are The Ocean Post-hardcore group playing songs from its album Maybe Today, Maybe Tomorrow. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). Adv £14.

Keith Fullerton Whitman, Mohammad, Some Truths Experimental electronica by the musicians and composer.

Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £14, adv £12.

The Modern Soul, Real Experts, Showroom The band from Stoke Newington plays mod rock. Underbelly, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7837 4412). £6.

Owlcatcher, Shields Indie-rock four-piece from London. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £5.

Roo Panes, Escapists, Winterhours, Casablanca Folk-pop from the Wimborne-born, Londonbased singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

Peter And The Test Tube Babies, The Pukes The Brighton-formed four-piece plays raucous punk and hardcore rock ‘n’ roll. New Cross Inn, New Cross Rd, SE14 6AS (020 8692 1866). £10.50, adv £7.

Shak & The Banned, Unborn Twin, D’silva, Oddblock, Andi Fraggs The London-based singer-songwriter Shakil Hussain leads the band as it plays catchy rock and blues with soulful melodies.

The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £6.

Tanita Tikaram The singersongwriter and musician from Germany plays pop and folk to promote the album Can’t Go Back.

Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £20 & £25.

Towma, Call Me Jolene, Lem And The White Fire The Londonbased three-piece performs piano-led alt pop. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Phone for prices.

The Trans-Siberian March Band Gypsy ska by the London-based combo. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £10.

Sunday 3 The Be Good Tanyas The Canadian trio, fronted by Frazey Ford, plays melodic alt country, bluegrass and Americana. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891/ cc 020 7638 8891). £10-£27.50.

Iron Witch, ENOS, XII Boar, Bast, Ghold, Torpor, Bright Curse Punk-tinged metal with a twist of blues by the Liverpool quintet.

The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). £7.

Nagar Baul Psychedelic rock and hard rock from James and his band. Troxy, Commercial Rd, E1 0HX (020 7748 2728). £21.80-£32.40.

Saturday 2 Family The progressive and psychedelic rock band that was active in the 1960s and 1970s reforms for one night. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £35 & £38.50.

N.O.R.E, Billy Danze Hip-hop and rap from the singer also known as Noreaga. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). Adv £20.

The Story So Far The American band plays upbeat ska, rock, punk and reggae. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£40.

tntMagazine.com

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25/01/2013 10:23:37

TNTPRESENTS

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Waitangi Day Party Come and celebrate all things Kiwi with TNT!

Join us after work down at the Bison and Bird in Clapham for Kiwi food and drink specials, plus classic Kiwi tunes and good times until late! Pre-register now and receive a feijoa and apple cocktail on arrival before 7pm.

TNT Beauty & the Geek Party

February 6, 5pm til late. Tickets are free when you pre-register on our website Bison & Bird, 182 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/waitangi

We’re not only promising a great night out at our next Beauty & the Geek party, but also the chance to win a bunch of awesome prizes, including a free pair of tickets to this year’s Bilbao BBK Live festival in Spain, where Green Day and Kings Of Leon are set to headline.

Whether you’re a geek or drop dead gorgeous, come join us and Topdeck Travel at Belushi’s London Bridge, on Saturday, February 16. Tickets are just £5 and include a free shot on arrival for all ticket holders before 11pm, DJs, drink specials all night and a best-dressed competition – the winner will bag an amazing Topdeck trip to Dublin on St Patrick’s day. Get your tickets now!

Tax & NI Refunds

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Call 0800 071 6766 or download a tax pack now at www.taxback.co.uk

There’ll be double the bargains at this year’s travel show as operators offer up exclusive deals over two days. Pre-register online now for free entry!

March 9, 10am-6pm; March 10, 10am3.30pm Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street, Islington, N1 0QH tnttravelshow.com

Photos: TNT

Saturday, February 16, 7.30pm til late. Tickets £5 Belushi’s London Bridge, 161-165 Borough High Street, SE1 1HR London Bridge tntmagazine.com/geek

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25/01/2013 11:11:36

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Teresa Palmer

The Adelaide-born actress on her new movie, Warm Bodies, zombie love, explaining AFL to Americans and being sassy

INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Warm Bodies is a romantic horror movie that’s told from the point of view of a zombie – did we miss anything?

It’s not easy to pigeonhole, is it? It’s not one genre, but many mashed together. It’s very refreshing – a quirky take on the classic love story. Telling the story from the point of view of the zombie hasn’t been done before.

It offers a new spin on Romeo And Juliet, with the undead and living as the Montagues and Capulets ...

Yeah, I love that it is a different take on the zombie genre, too, with the zombie getting a chance to be loved – it’s very endearing.

My character Julie meets [zombie] R (Nicholas Hoult), who is a weird, nurturing being and they organically strike up this romance. Julie starts off petrified and then fear turns into curiosity and then that turns into romantic feelings. So, if you’re a romance fan you get that with the action and the zombie-horror. I hope the zombie fans are open-minded!

Julie’s a strong character. Do these types of roles inherently appeal to you?

Yeah, definitely, I’m so excited Hollywood seems to embrace these strong independent characters.

I love playing women that are strong and sassy, it’s something I am connected to. And I love the action element to these movies. In [sci-fi thriller] I Am Number Four I played a character who was dedicated to helping save the world! I got to do a lot of my own stunts, as well.

Photo: Getty

Sounds like a fun day at the office ...

I love learning all these skills as part of what I do as a living, shooting guns and zipping around on wires.

Zom-rom-com: Palmer romances the undead representative of how it does feel when you are with someone for the first time – you do feel tongue-tied, the guy does try to listen and everyone is a bit awkward. And Nick [Hoult] is a very nuanced actor, he knew how to portray zombie emotions through body language and his eyes – he said so much without being able to express himself verbally.

I was pretty intimidated to start off with [when I knew] he was going to play my dad. It’s funny because he’s not an intimidating force at all.

Watching him on set is the best acting school you could ask for. He’s hilarious and lighthearted, incredibly humble and generous, and has a cracker sense of humour – really not what you’d expect!

What sort of set does director Jonathan Levine (cancer comedy 50/50) run?

He sets this beautiful tone on set that is fun and open and collaborative. He plays a lot of music and jokes around, and that was integral to our movie – it’s a fun movie and that energy and fun translates onto the screen.

Are zombies the new vampires?

There seems to be a lot of zombie films popping up right now, and there’s things like The Walking Dead [on TV]. It’s a genre people are always intrigued by and there are some members of society who think we are really headed towards some sort of zombie apocalypse, which is interesting in itself.

What new talents do you have on your CV now?

I am a skilled gun handler after going to a gun range 30 times for this movie. I had to be very comfortable with guns, knowing how to put them together, shoot them and then take them apart. I don’t know many people who know how to do that!

Music plays a key role in the film with songs by The Black Keys and Bruce Springsteen – what sort of music did Levine play on the set?

He played a lot of his own music, underground American rap like Mobb Deep and The Roots, which was great for me and [The Daily Show’s] Rob Corddry, who grew up listening to that sort of thing. It was edgy music that made you feel very cool, so we felt we were making a really cool, unique movie.

Was it fun playing out a zombie romance?

The relationship between R and Julie is very

Is John Malkovich, who plays your dad, as scary as you’d think?

You’re a joint first ticket holder for the Port Adelaide Power footy club – does that confuse people in Los Angeles?

No one over here knows what Aussie rules is!

When I talk about being the joint ticket holder they say, “You mean soccer?” “No!” “You mean rugby?” “No!!” For me it is second nature, I grew up going to the football since I was five.

I love watching the sport but it’s hard to watch it in LA. I try and catch games when I can.

Warm Bodies is out in cinemas from February 8 through Entertainment One

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25/01/2013 10:42:40

LONDONSCENE

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Crash course: don’t drink and fly

flight FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Denzel Washington, Kelly Reilly | 15 | 138mins | Out February 1

bullet to the head FILM Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Christian Slater | 15 | 91mins

Stallone stars in this action-thriller from legendary cult filmmaker Walter Hill (the man who made B-movies big business, think Eddie Murphy’s 48 Hours) as a hitman who teams up with a cop to kill the guy who put their partners in the ground. For fans of wisecracking, ballsy, violent movies.

On general release from February 1

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Denzel Washington is in the ‘best actor’ Oscar race, only is likely to lose out to awards-hogger Daniel Day-Lewis. But his performance as Whip Whitaker, an alcoholic airline pilot battling with inner demons after his jet goes down, is no less impressive in Bob Zemeckis’s (Back To The Future) powerful addiction-drama.

The tendency for a film of this nature – Whitaker is drunk at the controls when his plane suffers a mechanical failure that forces him to crash land, his superior skills alone resulting in a miraculous evasion of what could have been a far larger tragedy – would be overly preachy, sentimental and, for the actor, showboaty.

Washington, though, is too savvy to over-egg it and delivers a performance that is subtle and compassionate without glossing over the fact Whitaker is no saint. He’s a self-deluded mess, prone to playing the victim (“Don’t worry about me” he roars as those close to him try in vain to help), yet he’s empathetic, too.

Zemeckis allows the story and relationships to unfold naturally, and stages a barnstorming crash sequence opening. It is the more intimate moments that affect most, though – Whitaker staring conflictedly into a hotel minibar; desperately pleading with those around him to support his lies – and despite a closing act that threatens to veer into Hollywood excess, Zemeckis and screenwriter John Gatins close out on a note full of warmth, honesty and touching drama.

Washington may not win the golden gong, but were he to it would not be a travesty, as he proves here that he’s one of the finest actors out there.

Good for: A serious subject tackled in a major Hollywood production with insight and honesty

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 10:51:39

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GIVE US A

james acaster: prompt

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The Kettering-born comedian (it’s a town in the Midlands) performs his award-winning and crowd-delighting sophomore solo show to wax lyrical about such oddities as bread research, the Loch Ness Monster, stealing wooden ducks and, of course, the lowly seventh-tier Kettering FC. A whimsical and highly amusing fella.

Soho Theatre 41 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Jan 31-Feb 2. £10+ Oxford Circus sohotheatre.com

light show

the silence of the sea

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Sculptures and installations come together in this eye-catching show in which the nature of light is investigated. Its physical presence – shape, brightness, colour, shadows – as well as its uses and effects are all illustrated in works by more than 20 artists, including David Batchelor, Jenny Holzer and Katie Paterson.

Anthony Weigh’s adaptation of the subversive 1942 novella – about an old man and his niece, who refuse to speak to the Nazi officer occupying their home – was written during German occupation by French writer Jean Bruller. Simon Evans’ production is sombre and atmospheric and the performances faultless. LK

Hayward Gallery Belvedere Road, SE1 8XZ. Until April 28. £11+ Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

Trafalgar Studios Whitehall, SW1A 2DY. Until Feb 2. £22 Charing Cross donmarwarehouse.com

katherine ryan What’s Nature’s Candy about?

When we were little, my mum didn’t give us sweets but a bowl of grapes saying, “this is nature’s candy”, like that was better. I get my sunshine from my mum. She is so funny and without ever complaining.

Photos: Tristram Kenton

How do you take life with a smile? I instinctively look at the bright side when things go wrong in my own life – that’s my only option.

But I’ve realised I can make other people happy by putting a positive spin on the news, celeb stuff or their own experiences.

Hyde park on hudson

one monkey don’t stop no show

FILM

THEATRE

Another one of those awards contenders, this comedy-drama stars Bill Murray in ‘best actor’ mode as US prez Franklin D Roosevelt. It’s about his affair with sixth cousin (it was alright-ish back then) Margaret ‘Daisy’ Suckley (Laura Linney). Despite previous nominations, Murray’s yet to get the Academy recognition he deserves.

Daniel Day-Lewis may hamper his chances again.

This lively account of African-American playwright Don Evans’ (1938-2003) broad social comedy set in Seventies Philadelphia nods to Restoration comedy conventions as well as sitcoms such as The Cosby Show. The performances are deliberately larger than life and it’s all good fun with great one-liners and social satire. LK

On general release February 1

Tricycle Theatre Kilburn High Road, NW6 7JR. Until Feb 9. £14+ Kilburn tricycle.co.uk

You’ve been on Jack Dee’s Don’t Sit In The Front Row – is he really that grumpy? Yes, he is completely gangster. You couldn’t see under the desk but his chair was made entirely of kittens.

Where was your first show and how did it go? In Toronto, Canada, on amateur night at the comedy club next to the Hooters where I was working. I’d had an awful day at the restaurant and just walked over there in my uniform. Alone.

Nature’s Candy Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. Feb 4-6. £10+ Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

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25/01/2013 10:51:45

Preacher man: not Jesus, not a hippy, just Sanderson Jones 28

TNT_1535_028 28

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 14:37:40

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Sunday service without god A packed congregation gathers at London’s first atheist ‘church’, where worship comes second to community and soul searching Words alasdair morton

People usually adhere to one of a handful of rituals on a Sunday morning – singing hymns in church for the religiousminded, hitting the pitch for five-a-side, or diving for the paracetamol to combat the previous night’s hangover.

Now you can add London’s first atheist church, The Sunday Assembly, to that list, which has started holding monthly ‘services’ for the ungodly.

The brainchild of comedians Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans, The Sunday Assembly is a meeting that sets out to help us “live better, help often and wonder more”.

Reflecting on our own lives and how we relate to others, and what we could do to improve both, it takes the best things about religious services, but scythes out the man upstairs, whatever form he, she or it may take. And while there is undoubtedly a deep irony in a godless congregation being led by a man who couldn’t look more like Jesus even if he turned Thames Water’s stocks into glorious Cabernet, it is a noble, ambitious, soul-invigorating, and surprisingly successful proposition.

Held at deconsecrated church The Nave in north London, it captured Londoners’ hearts and minds when it launched this month, clearly meeting a spiritual desire and longing for community that was previously present but not served.

The enormous popularity from the outset surprised everyone involved, not least Jones himself.

“The response has been overwhelming,” he tells us, the excitement in his voice bubbling to the surface. “I have done so many events in London over the last five years that I thought were interesting, but most of the time you’re farting into the wind. We had the first Sunday Assembly and hoped for 30 people, maybe. I was emailing people that had come to [Jones’s stand-up project] Comedy Sale in the hope they’d come along, but there were so many people there, a lot of whom we had no idea who they were.” Jones’s and Evans’s earnest ambitions were met with a 200-strong congregation.

The idea for an atheist church had been circulating in Jones’s mind for some time, but it was only during a car journey with Evans, as the two discussed religion and their similar but not always matching opinions on it, that they decided to launch the Assembly.

Comedy Sale had been built around a community, as Jones hand-sold tickets for his stand-up shows and encouraged meet-ups for those who attended. “Then I thought: ‘If they

are meeting for a party, wouldn’t it be good if we found some projects to work on, too?’”

Convinced to stop procrastinating, he set about getting the Assembly going, and modifying as he saw fit once his baby was alive. “I could have done all these ludicrous things – and then there will be the ceremony of the touching of the shoe which symbolises ... whatever! – but it was easier to start with something and learn as you go about what works

“

The response has been overwhelming

”

and what doesn’t.” Strangely, what Jones found worked was what he had been most worried about including.

The format of the service is fairly akin to a religious one, with readings, music and singing (Oasis’s Don’t Look Back In Anger was performed by the house band earlier this month), plus talks and moments of reflection based around a theme.

The first service’s focus was ‘Beginnings’, while February’s ››

Assembly point: the deconsecrated church tntMagazine.com

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Praise the … no one: packed out non-church in Islington is ‘Wonder’, with CERN particle-physicist Harry Cliff talking about discovering the Higgs Boson – or ‘God’ particle – and the Hadron Collider, in which tiny particles are flung towards each other at the speed of light.

“If you look at your life a lot of the memories you really hold on to are the ones characterised by wonder – the time you went for a walk and then suddenly this view turned up – [and] it’s about getting more of that in our lives,” Jones says.

“The interesting thing is that people have asked for more of the things that I was slightly wary of [including]. It’s never going to be a serious affair, but it’s not a comedy club either, and I was worried about the moment of reflection.

“I had a feeling people [would be] reluctant to close their eyes in a room full of strangers, and as soon as it happened all I could think was, ‘Oh god, it’s going on forever, they’ll think I’m a hippy.’ But people said they’d have loved it to go on for longer.”

There is something of the hippy about Jones, and of the Assembly’s humanity-supporting intent, the together-asone identity at the core of their ‘ideology’. But he insists his ‘church’ isn’t serving a “supernatural, hippy spirit, but a spirit in the sense of your internal life, and people do want to think about that”. He is also keen to support the community through local projects, but doesn’t see community as something that is necessarily missing, but rather something

30

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“

There is something of the hippy about it

”

intrigued him), has even been asked to contribute to a debate on this subject for The New York Times.

While atheism, for some, is as much an identifying belief as Catholicism is for others, this is in no way the Assembly’s purpose. It takes some of the positive aspects of religious meetings and filters out the deity-duty. It is defined by what it is about – community and wonder – rather than what it is not about and does not believe in.

Jones’s passion for it is clear and his delight at its success only matched by enthusiasm for where it could go. “We are doing our best to make them as good as possible, because you are only as good as your last Assembly,” he jokes, mimicking footballers’ post-match monotonies. “And I have a clear idea about where I would like to go with it,” he adds, before revealing just how passionate he feels.

“The Sunday Assembly is a long-term thing that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life.” Now that is something to wonder at. ❚ The Sunday Assembly. Feb 3, Mar 3, Apr 7. 11am. Free to attend.

The Nave, N1 2QH sundayassembly.com Highbury & Islington

Photos: Tom Bell with Nimrod Kamer

Lordless: Sanderson Jones leads his ‘congregation’

that could do with a bit of attention and care.

“You might think there are communities in London, like the stand-up community,” Jones explains. “But a real community is about finding connections with people you don’t know, who don’t do the same things as you, and finding something underneath that binds you together.”

There have been those who have been quick to find fault with an atheist church – those on the religious side of the atheism debate chastising it for being held in a church first of all and for making atheism a ‘new religion’, and then atheists who’ve found grievances with the Assembly for exactly the same reason. Jones, whose mother taught at Sunday school and who himself confesses to being a regular scripture prize winner in his formative years (the myths

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 14:37:44

s Ticket

£5

Beauty

Geek Party and the

n io it t e p m o c d e s s e r d t s Be Tour for Win a St Patricks Day

Two with Topdeck

* before 11pm

Sat Feb 16, 7.30 PM till late Free Shot on arrival* 2 4 1 on Sol vodka mixers all night Full Moon Party buckets £9.95 Book online: tntmagazine.com/geek Belushi’s in London Bridge: 161-165 Borough High Street, Southwark, London SE1 1HR

TNT_1535_031 31

25/01/2013 16:27:09

Festivals 1973

2013

CEL

EBR

A

RS

2013

TOPDECK

AT I N G 4 0 Y E

Oktoberfest

From

4, 5, 6 & 7 Day Trips, Oktoberfest, Munich, Germany

£109 per person

19 Sept - 7 Oct 2013 With a reputation as one of the best social and cultural events in the world, a seemingly endless supply of beer-filled steins and the chance to meet like-minded travellers, this annual party in the Bavarian capital is the biggest knees-up on the planet.

La Tomatina 4 Day Trips, La Tomatina Valencia, Spain

From

£159 per person

26 - 29 Aug 2013 The town of Buñol in Spain is a quiet and quaint village, except for one day in August when it transforms to the world’s biggest food fight! Today it attracts 40,000 worldwide visitors who come to experience a one hour, 40 tonne tomato fight!

Spanish Sun and Fiestas N EW

Pamplona 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8 Day Trips, Pamplona, Spain

12 Day Trip Spanish Sun & Fiestas Spain

£649 per person

27 June - 8 July 2013 Experience the San Fermin opening ceremony, run with the bulls, take part in our NEW Wine Battle and hit the beaches of San Sebastian.

From

£179 per person

4 - 15 July 2013

The San Fermin Festival is about much more than the runs themselves – with fireworks each evening and huge celebrations for the opening and closing ceremonies, it’s the ultimate Spanish Fiesta!

L8291 / Y2992

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CALL 0845 257 5210

Open 8am-9pm

25/01/2013 17:34:14

Europe + North America + Egypt Middle East + Morocco + Africa + Australia New Zealand + Festivals Queens Day 4 Day Trip, Queens Day Amsterdam, Netherlands

£199 per person

28 April - 1 May 2013

Queen’s Day in Amsterdam is one of the fastest growing festivals in Europe. It seems that fun-seeking travellers have finally got wise to what the Dutch have known for years – that Queen’s Day is the biggest party of the year!

From

£279 per person

Edinburgh Tattoo 4 Day Trip, Edinburgh Fringe & Tattoo, Scotland 23-26 Aug 2013

There’s no better time to visit the wonderful Scottish city of Edinburgh than when it’s hosting both the Fringe Festival and the Royal Military Tattoo. Hit the streets to see theatre, comedy and dance performers.

Ascot 1 Day Trips Ascot, England

£75

per person

21 & 22 June 2013 There is no better reason to get dressed up and drink bubbly than to watch some of the world’s best horses race each other at Royal Ascot!

4 Day Amsterdam Easter Netherlands 29 March - 1 April 2013 Cycle the streets and canals of Amsterdam by day, and sample some of Europe’s best nightlife by night. World class museums, great shopping and entertainment galore.

4 Day Brugge Easter Belgium 29 March - 1 April 2013 Soak up the architecture and ambience, and be sure to sample delicious Belgian beers, chocolates and waffles!

TNT_1535_033 33

Easter Trips from

£249 per person

4 Day Paris & Champagne France

from

£279

29 March - 1 April 2013 Explore unforgettable attractions and head for an included tour and tasting at a champagne house.

from

£299 per person

per person

25/01/2013 17:34:17

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

Fencing Despite its best efforts, fencing doesn’t exactly come across as a tough sport. The masks – though essential – look kind of silly, and something about running up and down with those thin little swords (sorry, foils), looks a bit effeminate.

After trying out a four-week course at Fighting Fit Fencing, one of the only studios in London dedicated fully to the art, we quickly changed our tune. Make no mistake, fencing is an excellent workout, one that requires brains as well as brawn (and an ample amount of dexterity to boot). The sport requires lots of lunging and shuffling, and three matches in a row will wind you (or, at least, it winded us).

The following day, prepare for the surprise of sore muscles you didn’t even know you were using.

Participants learn the (surprisingly complex) rules, the lingo and some nifty tactics. Though the idea of opening oneself up to a charging partner with a pointy stick may seem, well, unwise, rest assured, the sport is completely safe. Don’t worry about investing in your own kit – Fighting Fit provides it free of charge. Four-week courses (comprising a one-hour lesson a week) are £85.

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Get frugal fit Battle the bulge and your debt mountain with London’s cheapest gyms, classes and workouts Words Daisy Carrington

London’s an expensive city, and nothing illustrates the point better than the cost of gym memberships. You could convince yourself that the high price tag means you’ll have to use it, or you could use common sense and just pay less. We’ve found five of the city’s best cheap (some free!) workouts.

Best for... the chronically stiff Though they can be a bit of a self-righteous batch, one thing you’ve got to give yogis is they’re very bendy. But learning to execute the perfect handstand split can be a pricey business (monthly memberships can exceed £100). Enter The Special Yoga Centre – they offer the cheapest rates in the city, and use the proceeds to support their charity. This group is committed to providing yoga therapy to children and youths with special needs.

PRICE: £6-12 per class or £90 for 10 classes.

WHERE: 2a Wrentham Avenue, NW10 3HA. specialyoga.org.uk

Best for... future Mo Farahs Running is free. But motivating? That’s a different story. Fortunately, some of the

city’s best running clubs are completely gratis.

Co-eds can congregate at one of several Sweatshop stores dotted throughout London, including Clapham and Fulham, and join in on 5km runs taking place every evening.

Novices and experts are equally welcome.

The clubs are manned by two coaches – one for up front, another for the back – and the more you attend, the more free swag you pull. Sweaty Betty offers a similar, womensonly service, adding Zumba, yoga and Pilates classes to the roster of free offerings.

PRICE: FREE WHERE: Various locations. sweatshop.co.uk/SRCruns.cfm sweatybetty.com/clubs-artlclubs

Best for... pumping iron As gyms go, FitSpace is as unglamorous as it gets. Pools and classes are out (those perks cost money!) and the interior is best described as utilitarian-chic (just kidding, it’s not chic). In fact, they pride themselves on having none of the frills of the big names.

But they have all the essentials: dumbbells, treadmills, rowing machines. Best of all,

2 Cottage Road, N7 8TP fightingfitfencing.com Caledonian Road

Bendy: The Special Yoga Centre 34

TNT_1535_034 34

Cheap stroke: swimming’s a bargain

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 15:44:04

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WHAT’S NEW

Green People Body Butter Organic and anti-aging £19.95 greenpeople.co.uk

The great outdoors: exercise + fresh air = a mighty endorphin overload annual membership is dirt cheap.

PRICE: £13.99 per month or £149 a year.

WHERE: Islington, 5-7 Hornsey Street, N7 8GA; Woolwich, Unit 1, Macbean Street, SE18 6LW. fitspacegyms.co.uk

Photos: The Special Yoga Centre; Thinkstock; The Great Outdoor Gym Company

Best for... doing laps When a gym has a pool, costs skyrocket. As most of us don’t use the swimming facilities much, it’s hardly worth paying a premium for the privilege. Your money’s better spent dropping in on your local leisure centre or lido and paying per splash. Aquaterra has a handful of venues throughout Islington and a dip in their sizable pools is exceedingly reasonable. For a list of pools closer to you (including price per session), it’s worth checking out swimmersguide.com.

PRICE: £4.50 per swim.

WHERE: MacDonald Road, N19 5DD; Caledonian Road, N1 0NH; Highbury

Melting massage

Crescent, N5 1RR; 28 Carleton Road, N7 0EQ. aquaterra.org

Best for... a bit of fresh air Some of the best gyms in London are free. The catch? They’re outdoors. In the summer, the breeze is an added perk. Not so much during these cold winter months.

Still, push yourself hard enough, and your body heat should counter the winter chill sufficiently. The largest outdoor gym in England resides in Peckham Rye, though parks throughout the city boast a range of equipment, from stationary bikes to shoulder NEXT WEEK presses.

PRICE: FREE TNT moves to the heady heights WHERE: Various of Muswell Hill locations. tgogc.com

Jennifer Young Moisturiser Customised skincare range £19+ jenniferyoung.co.uk

Stila Written In The Stars Eye Shadow Pretty in pink £15 escentual.com

top treatment: Ayurveda Massage Nothing reinvigorates like an ayurveda body treatment – an ancient Indian medicinal practice, this is all about achieving mind-body balance. The treatment at Ayurveda Pura Health Spa and Beauty Centre begins with a health assessment, followed by a referral. Most clients are advised to try the abhyanga massage, which incorporates sweeping hand strokes to recharge the body, improve energy flow and boost the immune system. £55 for an hour.

48 Newton Lodge

ayurvedapura.com

North Greenwich

Neutrogena Pore & Shine Daily Scrub Helps tighten pores £4.49 neutrogena.com tntMagazine.com

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25/01/2013 15:44:10

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Buff model: a life drawing class

Earn bucks naked Getting your kit off in front of a life drawing class can be a rush, build confidence and be a breezy way to make cash Words Jade Bremner Ever thought about laying yourself bare, quite literally, for a few quid?

Us neither. But people have been posing nude for the sake of art for centuries, so why are we still so prudish? After chatting to a handful of London’s professional nude models, it turns out there are not only monetary benefits to standing butt naked in front of a crowd. Life modelling, we’re told, can be one of the most liberating, intense and exciting ways to get paid.

So why not put that slimmed-down new year bod to good use?

“It’s a buzz,” says Simon Lloyd, an Aussie-Brit who’s been nude modelling for 20 years, since he was aged 19.

“It’s a great way to meet people on a cerebral and artistic level. The energy in the room is almost tangible.”

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Lloyd goes to the gym five times a week and is often booked for his Romanesque hot bod. Though, he says, a toned physique is not a prerequisite for the job. “Anybody can do it, from a skinny 19-year-old girl to a fat 90-yearold man.” He adds many life drawing artists prefer a fuller-figured subject – “the curvier, the better”.

Lloyd compares his style of modelling to being a still-life “bowl of fruit” for a couple of hours.

He reckons an average life model will earn between £12-15 an hour.

But for Lloyd, posing naked is now his full-time career. He takes individual bookings through his site malelifephotographicmodel.com.

“I will often do three jobs a day,” says Lloyd, who can earn £100 an

hour per private commission or when modelling for top artists. To him, every job is different, and can vary from two- to five-hour sessions. Some of his appearances will be more discreet, such as when he’s booked for a private girls’ school sixth form art class.

Each scenario will throw up something interesting, reveals Lloyd, who’s also done fashion modelling in the past. “At a very exclusive girls’ school in Surrey one of the girls ran off when I walked in the room,” he says. “‘I had to call my mum,’ she told me later.

‘I’ve got a picture of you on my wall from a watch advert. I can’t believe my fantasy man is naked in front of me.’”

Alternatively, at hen parties, things can get heated. “I am well-endowed and I’m also a grower,” says Lloyd.

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 15:45:31

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job Sandra Isaksson

Career Founder and owner of ISAK, isak.co.uk Age 36 From Sweden

Photos: Thinkstock

Striking pose: Simon Lloyd is a work of art

How did you get into designing home accessories?

I’ve been drawing since I was 12.

I studied art and design and then moved towards product design at uni, realising I didn’t have to just stick to two-dimensional objects. For me it was a natural path – it’s always what I wanted and needed to do.

Fine lines: a sketchy nude

“You’ve got to be Life ModeLling Don’ts posing different kinds careful not to get an • Be professional – life drawing of poses, and meeting erection. If it’s a hen isn’t (most of the time, anyway) a lovely people.” party, though, I might place for sniggering at rudey nudey Meanwhile, 22-yearjust let it happen. They bits. As such, the one with the old Fawnya Frolic, from almost expect it.” He goods on display should be just as Ireland, has used her laughs, “It’s the tasteful respectful. It’s all about the art. life modelling job as alternative to ordering • Boys, do your best not to get a confidence booster a stripper.” aroused, this can be hugely and form of therapy Lloyd explains that embarrassing for both you and the after trauma. “Pursuing getting aroused in a artists. Do as Austin Powers would a career in art was my serious life drawing do and think, “Margaret Thatcher original life plan, but class is a bit different, naked on a cold day.” after experiencing a and he’ll cover it up.

• Practice your pose. If you have to massive confidence crisis “I’ll say, ‘I’ve got a bit change a pose just 30 minutes in to a few years back I was of cramp’ and change a class, the artists will not be too forced to drop out of positions.” impressed. Pick a position you feel college,” she explains.

Londoner Tony comfortable in.

“I have used modelling Picano, 47, is a life as a form of selfmodelling newbie, expression and therapy having spent just a year posing for in overcoming my fear of failure.” classes. He reckons the only credentials After three years of life modelling, required are “confidence in the nude” Frolic says she’s back on track. “I’d and “the ability to sit still”. Aussie Ian definitely recommend it,” she tells us.

Smith, 24, backs him up. “I have no “Regardless of religion, nationality, problem with public nudity,” he says. creed, sexual orientation, body “The money’s good and it’s likely I’ll type, or gender, people meet some interesting people and learn will want a few things as well.” to draw you.

NEXT Sharon Smithers, from the UK, found I’d also advise WEEK her part-time career later in life, at 51 people years of age, but wishes she’d tried it wanting to Careers: work sooner. “I love my job, you never know overcome body in Melbourne what may be asked of you,” she says. issues to give it a go.”

“I enjoy being liberated in nudity,

What do you do day-to-day?

I spend a lot of time drawing. I work on several projects at the same time.

Some of them are freelance jobs for other companies and some are new designs for ISAK. What’s the most rewarding part of your job?

Working for myself. It’s up to me to make things happen. It’s immensely satisfying to follow a project from idea to finished product.

What’s the most challenging part?

Juggling three young children and a full-time job. Oh, and the admin!

How to... Deal

with job stress

Stress occurs when we are trapped, threatened or when we experience disappointment

• Stop over-analysing your

thoughts. Dwelling on negativity will prolong your stress.

• Feel panicked, sick or have an

increased heart rate as a result of stress? Breathe in slowly for six seconds and out slowly for 10 seconds. Then repeat five times.

• When you’re mentally calm, ask yourself what you can do in the long-term to ease your stress and then act on it.

tntMagazine.com

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25/01/2013 15:45:32

tntjobs.co.uk www.goatchelsea.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar Manager, Bar Staff, Waitstaff, Receptionists, Chefs + more.

Location: Chelsea Salary: On application - depending on role

New restaurant and bar GOAT opening on the site of the Goat In Boots pub in March 2013.

New South West London Bar and Restaurant seeks all staff for our opening in March. We are looking for a Bar Manager and Head Bartender as well as barstaff, cocktail waitstaff, receptionists, waitstaff and chef’s of all levels. Experience preferred but not necessary.

GOAT T: 020 7352 1384

Email CV and photo to Steve@GoatChelsea.com put TNT in the subject header.

www.care24seven.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Care Assistants Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications

Recruiting carers within London that have experience and the right attitude towards delivering a high level of service.

You must have: Experience, flexibility. A clear record for CRB check.

Responsibilities: Provide care to the elderly in their own home.

Work within the guidelines of the company policies

CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 2310

Please forward a cv to: Max@care24seven.com

BE SELECT LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Office Furniture Fitters and Porters Location: London and the UK Salary: Per hour

T: 0203 005 4963 www.beselectrecruit.co.uk Be Select is an agency who specialise in providing office furniture fitters and porters to the commercial relocation and furniture industry.

If you are physically fit and able to have a good time, then why not join our team of office furniture fitters and porters. You will have the opportunity to work in some of the most prestigious buildings in London, and travel the UK. Tools and CSCS are an advantage but not a necessity.

Please send CV and brief cover letter to joinus@beselectrecruit.co.uk

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY

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0870-898 8996 tntforex.com

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25/01/2013 16:27:10

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cash-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

how you spend it!

Half-price vino Xxxxxxxxx Stop being a rude house guest. Splurge on Tesco’s xxxxxxxxx half-price cases of wine Xxxxxxxxxxx and bubbly (many under £30) and ensure you’ll xxxxxxxxx never again be caught out Xxxxxxxxxxx at a dinner party without a bottle in hand. All you xxxxxxxxx need to do is visit tesco.

Xxxxxxxxxxx co.uk and scroll their extensive wine section. xxxxxxxxx Almost every selection is Xxxxxxxxxxx at half or reduced price.

Photos: Getty

Discount furniture And you thought Argos couldn’t get any cheaper.

A range of products is on sale online for up to 50 per cent off. It’s a good time to replace that laptop or coffee table (we spotted one marked from £239 to £60). For their full range of sale items visit argos.co.uk. Great while stocks last.

Beauty for free We’ve uncovered London’s best-kept secret. Molton Brown (moltonbrown.co.uk) dishes out free minimassages and facials (about 10 minutes each).

It’s an ongoing thing. All you need to do is book.

Don’t bother asking why (chalk it up to marketing), just go and get it done!

until the next payday.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Shop at little independent stores instead of chain supermarkets to save money on food.

Your last big blow-out?

My university fees. I’m still paying off my student loans.

It’s still going to take me a while until I’m out of debt.

Jamie Sharrock, 24 Job IT Technician From Croydon Lives Highgate

How do you budget?

I try to write down everything I spend so I know how much I have left

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Computer gadgets, mainly.

I like having all the latest technology. I see it as a part of my job.

how THEY spend it!

New year, new looks Downton Abbey’s Michelle Dockery got a glam makeover for her red carpet strut at the Golden Globes. Supposedly, she paid her stylist £10,000 for her services.

❚ Michelle Obama’s brandnew, fringed ’do was created by her stylist Johnny Wright, whose charges are suitably austere, starting at just £54 for a cut.

Dockery: glam at the Globes

❚ In order to shed her postbaby weight, Hilary Duff is said to have followed Freshology’s Fresh Mommy plan. The two-month diet includes all meals, and costs £38 per day (£2280 in total).

❚ Beleagured actress Tara Reid was recently spotted getting a glam mani-pedi in Beverly Hills. By glam, we mean at a cost of £38 – unless she could afford the salon’s £81 VIP option. ❚ It looks like Pippa Middleton has scaled down her usually glam style.

She was spotted in central London sporting £324 Sandro hi-top trainers.

tntMagazine.com

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25/01/2013 13:15:34

WORLDVIEW

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On yer bike: A man rides on the beach past people dressed in suits and bowler hats while taking part in an art installation by surrealist artist Andrew Baines in Adelaide

Better than cash: pizza and wings

pizza thief swaps cash for wings united states

A pizza restaurant worker talked a would-be armed robber round, by offering him chicken wings.

The suspect was wearing a hoodie and a bandana across his face as he demanded money at the Papa John’s pizza restaurant in Montana.

As the cashier started to comply, the man broke down in tears, saying he was just trying to provide for his family.

The staff member then offered him a pizza and chicken wings. Helena Police Chief Troy McGee said: “I’d say the clerk was pretty astute.” tweets of the week @thepoke Dramatic moment as Prince Harry runs for ice cream van during Afghanistan TV interview @stationsarge OMG it’s snowing! We are all doomed. Panic buy bread, bananas and horseburgers @andrewsimms_nef It wasn’t fresh horse meat ... it was dehydrated skin

Ah ha! pirates sail into 2013 election australia

What’s a pirate’s favourite country?

Arr-stralia. The Pirate Party is now an official political organisation in Australia after passing the necessary Australian Electoral Commission tests.

While it’s easy (and fun) to imagine a country overrun with peg legs and eye patches, the party will in fact focus on whistleblowing and data retention.

“As the prime minister condemns whistleblowers and publishers without trial, the spectre of data retention looms, 40

TNT_1535_040 40

policy is laundered and Australia’s interests are sidelined by faceless diplomats and bureaucrats through ill-considered trade pacts, there has never been more reason to put pirates in parliament,” party founder Rodney Serkowski said.

If the party is successful, Australians will be able to vote their favourite pirate candidate into parliament at the next Federal Election.

library gets in pole position united kingdom

A library is offering free pole-dancing classes in a bid to attract new readers through the door.

Midlothian Council believes it is the first local authority in Scotland to hold such an

event. It will run the session at Mayfield Library in Dalkeith on February 2, which is Love Your Library Day. Other activities in the area’s libraries include “booky table tennis” in which players use books instead of bats.

There will also be Scottish country dancing, head massages and an Xbox challenge on offer.

“The pole fitness session is a fun and interesting way of encouraging more people into our libraries, and ultimately borrowing more books,” a council spokesman said.

tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 10:22:56

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 12

Number of hours an Italian businessman spent losing £12k on pokies. He was taken straight to hospital

Size, in feet, of rock formation in desert a family in Mexico have called home for the past 30 years

Lotta bottle: Geoff Flood with the find

MESSAGE IN BOTTLE FOUND AFTER 76 YRS

Shirt alert: the offending slogan

222

131

Amount, in thousands of pounds, parents spend bringing up a child to the age of 21 in the UK, says research

NEW ZEALAND

A message in a bottle found floating in the ocean has been returned to the family of the man who wrote it after 76 years.

Geoff Flood was walking on the beach at Ninety Mile Island when he saw the bottle. Inside was a note on P&O headed paper, carrying the ship’s name SS Srathnaver and the name H E Hillbrook.

The message read: “At sea. Would the finder of this bottle kindly forward this note... to undermentioned address.”

After investigating, Flood found Herbert Ernest Hillbrook had passed away in the 1940s. He contacted Hillbrook’s family, and returned the bottle and message to his grandson Peter, who lives in Perth, Australia. “The only connection I have to grandfather now is that bottle,” Peter said.

PLANE HAVOC OVER ‘PREPARE TO DIE’ TEE

Photos: Getty; AAP; stuff.co.nz; RTV

AUSTRALIA

A T-shirt based on a children’s film caused panic on a Qantas flight from Australia to New Zealand.

The tee, pictured above, worn by Wynand Mullins, was based on 1987’s The Princess Bride and read: “Hello, My Name Is Inigo Montoya and I am here to kill you.”

However, some passengers failed to see the funny side. “The flight attendant said to me: ‘Are you able to remove it

TNT_1535_041 41

Cost, in pounds, of study by the Uni of Kent that revealed parents don’t like the idea of strip clubs outside schools

because some of the passengers are quite intimidated by it?’ I thought it was silly. The person next to me was laughing, because they knew the movie,” Mullins said.

Qantas said there was no record of the incident, but a spokesman added it has standards for “slogans which passengers may find offensive or threatening”.

KIWIS ARE RUBBISH AUSSIES, FACT NEW ZEALAND

Kiwis are among the worst performers in the Australian citizenship test.

Figures reveal Kiwis average 72.6 per cent, compared to 97 per cent and up marks from applicants in Europe.

Brits are 18th on the list with an average score of 95.6 per cent. The test covers Aussie culture, history and politics.

To pass the test, which includes questions such as ‘What do we remember on Anzac Day?’, applicants must correctly answer 75 per cent of the 20 questions.

118,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK There will be a lot of Aussies that pick it, but the rest of the world won’t. It’s a tough accent John Jarrett reckons Quentin Tarantino’s efforts to nail the accent in Django Unchained are pretty bloody good

25/01/2013 10:22:58

This week TNT online has pulled together an essential guide for Aussies and Kiwis new to London, showing the best the city has to offer, from coffee shops to concerts.

Check out the best of London at tntmagazine.com

S E T I B E M I T BREAK

me lunchtime lols

t place to grab so ine.com is the perfec

TNTmagaz

MISSED OUR BIG INTERVIEWS? Missed last week’s TNT? Catch up on all our big-name interviews, listings, reviews and travel features at tntmagazine.com

TNT TALKS TO AUSTRALIAN PM, LABOR’S JULIA GILLARD In honour of Australia Day we spoke to Aussie PM Julia Gillard about her breakthrough year

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: HELEN ELFER helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Deadly game: Prince Harry getting his eye in with a colleague on the PlayStation at Camp Bastion

Prince Harry needs to stop playing games and grow up

Photo: Getty

Captain Wales’s war comments were immature and irresponsible The Las Vegas story, when the Party Prince was snapped cavorting in his birthday suit, was completely hilarious. Even the fuss over the Nazi fancy dress outfit was kind of funny – after all, Harry was 20 years old, and being stupid at that age is no crime. He’s always come across like that mate everyone has, who’s daft, funny, eye-rollingly offensive sometimes and you like them all the more for it.

But this last furore, over Captain Wales’s comments comparing shooting Taliban insurgents to a PlayStation game, isn’t the slightest bit amusing. “Take a life to save a life,” he said. “If there’s people trying to do bad stuff to our guys, then we’ll take them out of the game, I suppose.” He also said his job was “a joy”.

Where to begin? The terrifying flippancy. The vagueness of “bad stuff” to justify killing someone. The confused notion that you can swap a goodie’s life for a baddie’s life, as if war ever throws up situations that are that clear-cut. And surely saying you take joy in a task that’s ultimately a violent and regrettable one, means you either haven’t understood what you’re doing, or you’re a sociopath. Ultimately, Harry’s comments made him come across like a thoughtless, trigger-happy, ignorant thug.

He also still doesn’t seem to grasp that the UK hangs on his every word. His comments will always be scrutinised and, whether he likes it or not, he’ll always be an ambassador for Britain and the armed forces. Sure, a certain level of detachment when dealing with scenes of horror and bloodshed must be necessary, but “a joy” is completely inappropriate language for describing his job. And from a battle standpoint, he would have enraged members of the Taliban, and led critics to speculate he would need additional security.

So there we have it: someone with no understanding of the consequences or diplomacy.

Harry’s gone from being your daft but hilarious mate, to that guy pushing 30 who still hasn’t managed to grow up. And that’s just embarrassing for everyone. » Agree or disagree? Were Harry’s comments irresponsible? letters@tntmagazine.com

BRITISH GRANNY: ON DEATH ROW I couldn’t disagree more strongly with the death penalty, regardless of the circumstances. It’s barbaric, has never been proved as an effective deterrent and the risk of getting the wrong guy is surely far, far too high for it ever to be anything but an inhumane option.

But all that said, I’m a bit baffled at the outpouring of sympathy for this British granny who’s been sentenced to death in Bali for smuggling 5kg of cocaine, worth £1.6 million, across the border. That is a

“

She’s hardly a cakebaking old dear

”

seriously high-level crime, and Bali is right to want to severely punish someone who is putting their citizens at risk.

The fact she’s a grandmother seems to be the main thrust of our defence of her.

So she’s given birth to someone who has also given birth. That doesn’t make her an innocent, cuddly, cake-baking old dear.

I hope she wins her appeal to have the death sentence lifted, but let’s not pretend there’s any great injustice here.

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Hero or villain?

As Ned Kelly is properly buried, TNT looks at the outlaw who divides a nation WORDS OLI JONES

On November 11, 1880, Irish-Australian Ned Kelly, convicted on three counts of murder, was led from his cell in the Old Melbourne Gaol at 5am to the scaffolding where he was to be hanged. The hangman, Elijah Upjohn (by all accounts – his description is one of the only reports from the time agreed on – an appallingly ugly man with an enormous festering carbuncle on the end of his nose), worked quickly.

It was his first execution and he was said to have appeared nervous. While the contemporary description of the 25-yearold’s final moments are conflicting, popular legend claims his parting utterance was: “Such is life.”

It was his actions over the two years prior to this that sealed Kelly’s fate. And from the moment of execution, he entered the annals of history. More than 130 years on he remains a prominent figure in a canon of Australian antiheroes, seen by some as symbolising national spirit, of IrishAustralian resistance, and by others as a common criminal.

In recent years, owing in part to his fictionalisation in a plethora of novels, films and TV dramas, Kelly’s character has become an international symbol of Australia. A fact evidenced by the headlines from around the world last week reporting the burial of Kelly’s remains beside his mother, Ellen, in the family plot at Greta – it was his last wish.

The ceremony was attended by a small group of Kelly family descendants, those who had campaigned to give him what they saw as a rightful burial after DNA testing confirmed bones found in 2011 were his. They had been thrown into a pit after his execution. His skull is still missing.

“We’ve brought him home, back to his family and back to the area that he loved, we’ve given him his final wish, so that makes us quite happy,” said Joanne Griffiths, greatgranddaughter of Kelly’s sister Kate.

“We’ve made a real effort to ensure that he’s going to be safe and he’s surrounded by family and friends, which is the way he would’ve wanted it.”

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Kelly was born in 1854 to an Irish convict family. His father Red Kelly was deported from County Tipperary to Australia in 1841 for stealing two pigs. Red earned enough from gold prospecting to buy a small freehold in Victoria, where the family quickly gained a reputation as cattle rustlers.

Red was jailed in 1865 for stealing a calf and skinning it.

His internment left him terminally ill, and he died soon after leaving prison, when Ned was just 10. In the years to follow, the Kellys built up a formidable call-sheet of offences. The belief in the validity of these crimes is where the split in Kelly’s public perception begins.

Ned’s first brush with the law came when he assaulted a Chinese pig farmer called Ah Fook. Aged 14, Kelly was

“

He’s going to be safe, surrounded by family

”

never convicted. Although according to witnesses, Fook started to abuse Ned’s sister Annie, and Ned jumped in to defend her before getting a beating from Fook. Historians are divided over who was telling the truth.

Following a string of brushes with the law, including riding a policeman like a horse, and two jail terms, the legend of Ned the bushranger was sealed in 1878 when constable Alexander Fitzpatrick appeared at the Kelly homestead to arrest Ned’s younger brother Dan. After an altercation, Fitzpatrick left and later appeared with an injury to his wrist, claiming Ned had shot at him three times and his mother had hit him over the head with a shovel. Ellen was jailed and a reward was offered for the capture of the Kelly brothers, despite claims Ned was

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Photos: Getty; AAP

Clockwise: Kelly in 1880; his gang’s iconic armour; the final shoot out

working 400 miles away. The doctor who treated Fitzpatrick never believed his injury had been caused by a gunshot, and Fitzpatrick himself was three years later dismissed from the force for drunkenness and perjury.

Made outlaws by the state, Ned and Dan went on the run, joined by friends Joe Byrne and Steve Hart. With the police closing in, the gang confronted four officers with the intention of stealing their weapons. However, one officer went for his gun, so Ned shot him dead. He then gunned down another two who were chasing him. Historians say he asked them to surrender, killing them before they shot him.

After the killings, Kelly and his gang went on to commit a series of bank robberies and made their last stand against police at Glenrowan, where Kelly donned the home-made metal armour now a powerful symbol in Australian art.

The romance of the Kelly legend also rests in part on a 7000-word manifesto explaining his behaviour and decrying the treatment of his family and other Irish Catholics by the police and English and Irish Protestants – the Jerilderie letter.

Of the 15 offences members of the Kelly family appeared in court accused of, fewer than half were proved. While some cite this as evidence of the victimisation suffered by the Kelly clan, others claim the family regularly intimidated witnesses into not testifying in cases against them.

TNT readers remain divided on the topic. “He stood up against the corrupt police force and only took from people or companies that could afford to lose,” said Matt Wallace.

“He was no Robin Hood, that’s for sure,” said Natalie Smith.

However, the police are clear on their stance. The Police Association Victoria assistant secretary Bruce McKenzie said: “We would hope his grave site doesn’t become a shrine or a tourist mecca. That would be inappropriate on the basis that while it happened a long time ago, (Kelly) remains responsible for the greatest atrocity in Australia’s history when it comes to the killing of police officers.”

Funeral: Ella Phillips, right, touches Ned Kelly’s coffin at St Patrick’s Catholic Church, Victoria

kelly’s final wish remains laid to rest Bushranger Ned Kelly’s final wish has been realised more than 130 years after he was hanged.

Kelly was buried last Sunday beside the unmarked grave of his mother at a cemetery not far from Glenrowan where he had his last stand in June 1880.

Proving that the Kelly enigma continues to divide, parish priest Monsignor John White told mourners he had received offensive phone calls and emails when it was revealed he would deliver the outlaw’s liturgy.

White said the funeral was about Edward Kelly, a baptised Catholic, who was entitled to the dignified burial he was denied following his hanging. “Today, we’re righting that wrong,” White added.

Kelly’s great-grand-niece Joanne Griffiths said: “Regardless of what people might think now ... this is not the day for judgment, this is just the day for burying a family member.”

tntMagazine.com

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SPORTNEWS

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Stormin’: Billy Slater set for Rhinos

billy slated for leeds, not all stars rugby league

Melbourne Storm flyer Billy Slater is hopeful to play against Leeds in the World Club Challenge despite pulling out of the Feb 9 NRL All Stars match.

The fullback decided not to take the risk against the Indigenous All Stars after injuries prevented a full pre-season programme, but he’s keen to take on the Rhinos at Headingley Stadium on Feb 22.

“I had a plate out of my collarbone at the end of last year and also rolled my ankle in my first week back at training,” Slater said. “It’s kept me out of a bit of training. To play to the standard the All Star game requires, you need to have a particular amount of training under your belt and I don’t have that at the moment.

“But I’m pretty confident I will be right to go for the World Club Challenge. That will give me a couple of extra weeks.”

geale not swayed by mundine antics boxing

IBF world middleweight champ Daniel Geale says he’s refusing to let Anthony Mundine’s attention-grabbing antics derail his plans to hold onto his belt at the Sydney Ent Centre on Wednesday.

Last week Mundine threatened to stage a protest during the playing of Advance Australia Fair. Mundine had previously questioned Geale’s Aboriginal heritage, which he later apologised for.

“He’s (Mundine) tried every little thing to try and throw me off my game but no matter what he does he’s not going to,” the Tasmanian said. “I’m mentally strong … a lot stronger than when we fought first. He knows he’s up against it now.”

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Competitors in the women’s biathlon relay compose themselves for one of two shooting rounds they must complete between cross country skiing a 2km track three times at the World Cup in Antholz-Anterselva, Italy. Germany won ahead of Russia and France

decision that many in boxing still dispute as a fair result.

starc turns down big bucks for ashes cricket

In-form Aussie quick Mitchell Starc will forgo up to AU$1m for six weeks’ work in the IPL in April and May to ensure his 22-year-old body isn’t overworked ahead of a series in India and the Ashes.

The player of the Twenty20 Champions League tournament is in hot demand and even impressed with the bat in recent onedayers against Sri Lanka. “We’ve got a big 12 months coming up … I’d rather take those six weeks to get ready for England if I get the chance to go over there and again for the summer back home.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

The Australian women’s cricket team, the Southern Stars, have high hopes heading into the ICC World Cup in India.

After winning the T20 World Cup in Sri Lanka, largely the same line-up will be confident of their ability on the subcontinent’s turning wickets, while the form of Meg Lanning (pictured) and the rest of the top order should strike fear into opponents. England are the holders though, having taken the mantle from Australia in 2009. Their opening match is against Pakistan on Jan 31 in Cuttock.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK He’s supposed to be a legend in Australia.

What he did was give me the stripes so I am the legend now Windies cricketer Marlon Samuels after he came rosy after being the subject of Shane Warne’s T20 Big Bash tantrum

Final fling: the Super Bowl will be Raven Ray Lewis’s last game

PREVIEW BROTHER BOWL: NFL CHAMPS XLVII BALTIMORE RAVENS V SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS SUN, 10.30PM, SKY SPORTS 1 Amid the hilarious and expensive commercials, the pre-match and halftime show (this year starring Beyoncé), hot dogs, beer and more stats than a Mars weather analysis there will be a game of football this Sunday night.

The 47th Super Bowl will feature AFC champions the Baltimore Ravens and NFC winners San Francisco 49ers at New Orleans’ Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

It’s been dubbed the HarBowl,

SuperBaugh and Brother Bowl as it’ll be the first time two brothers have been the head coaches of opposing sides in the big game.

John (Ravens) and Jim (49ers) Harbaugh will be the masters of these massive and skillful puppets in this edition of the biggest circus in sport. Whichever one of them wins will become the coach of the only team left in NFL history to have played in more than one Bowl and not be beaten.

Keep an eye out for linebacker Ray Lewis, who was MVP in the last Super Bowl his Ravens played in 2001 – this will be his last game before retiring.

Photos: Getty

THE CHAT | So much hot air through window How will I ever keep up with all of the ins Q and outs of the busiest period of the Premier League transfer window this week?

So glad you asked, it’s tough to find anything out about A the comings and goings of players in EPL clubs. A joke, of course, as for the past two months – officially since midnight on December 31 – clubs have been free to raid each other’s stocks. So far every striker in Spain is coming to England, QPR won’t have a team left and every day or so Wilfried Zaha’s a Red Devil (he likely is by now). As the window’s closing approaches on January 31 it goes bananas, so follow the live shenanigans on Sky Sports’ ‘Live Transfer Clockwatch’ or goal.com’s version, which has a sense of humour to boot.

Wilfried Zaha

It looks as if Chris [Froome] will be the leader this year. That doesn’t mean I’ll be riding 200km a day on the front. We will be there together, as he was last year with me in the mountains He may be a sir now but Bradley Wiggins has conceded he’ll play second fiddle to Froome in this year’s Tour de France

You know, what would you do?

American footballer Manti Te’o on why he lied after finding out his cancer victim internet girlfriend was in fact a hoax

TV HIGHLIGHTS FOOTBALL Arsenal v Liverpool Premier League giants in London Wed, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 2

CRICKET Australia v West Indies First one-dayer from the WACA, Perth Fri, 3am, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Fulham v Manchester United A big ask from west London’s strugglers Sun, 5.30pm, ESPN TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Six of the best The northern hemisphere’s rugby championship is a treat for fans – even neutrals – here’s how the teams are shaping up WORDS MICHAEL GADD

The four home nations are kicking off the 2013 Six Nations Championship on Saturday before France and Italy clash on Sunday – that’s where the certainties end. This tournament’s notoriously unpredictable and refreshingly competitive. Case in point, last year’s winner Wales achieved the Grand Slam, but they’re in a slump after losing their last seven. After the Autumn Tests England and France are the ones to beat, but anything can happen. “That’s the beauty of the Six Nations, everyone can beat everyone on their day,” says England captain Chris Robshaw. A treat for rugby fans, even neutrals.

England SKIPPER: Chris Robshaw COACH: Stuart Lancaster AUTUMN FORM: Fiji 54-12, Aust 14-20, SA 15-16, NZ 38-21 The favourites, perhaps generously after the impressive form of France, showed promise in autumn and have a burden the others dream of – a selection headache. With injuries, they’ve lost players but have others coming back who will be challenging for key positions, such as hooker and in the back three. Since it’s a team that at last start beat the All Blacks and before that could have toppled Australia and South Africa, it’ll be tough to break into. The possible loss of rampaging Manu Tuilagi with an ankle injury would leave a gaping hole in the centres.

ONE TO WATCH: Chris Ashton – was immense on the wing against the All Blacks and brings an ‘X’ factor to the side.

Scotland SKIPPER: Kelly Brown COACH: Scott Johnson AUTUMN FORM: NZ 22-51, SA 10-21, Tonga 15-21 A tough ask for the fresh-faced Scots, who have 10 new faces brought in by Aussie Johnson, the interim chief since December after Andy Robinson quit. He needs a solitary win to better his side’s performance from last year and will have focused heavily on tightening up the young side’s defence, 48

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so don’t expect too much excitement going forward.

ONE TO WATCH: Johnnie Beattie – the talented number eight is back after being dumped two years ago. He shined at Montpellier after leaving Glasgow at the right time.

Wales SKIPPER: Sam Warburton COACH: Rob Howley AUTUMN FORM: Arg 12-26, Sam 19-26, NZ 10-33, Aust 12-14 It’s a cliché in all parts of life but surely Wales are sick of being told, “You’re better than this.” After beating allcomers in last year’s Six Nations following their grossly unlucky loss to France in the World Cup semi-final the year before, it looked like their time in the sun had come. But then in autumn they didn’t turn up. They may insist that the fact their coach Warren Gatland is on British Lions duty and caretaker Howley’s in charge is no biggie (they helmed two losses each in autumn), but something’s going awry.

ONE TO WATCH: Sam Warburton – the captain is world class, perhaps only behind McCaw and Pocock as the best openside flanker. He’ll need to dominate the ruck if his side’s a chance.

Ireland SKIPPER: Jamie Heaslip COACH: Declan Kidney AUTUMN FORM: SA 12-16, Arg 46-24 A dark horse with nothing to lose is how Ireland go into this year’s tournament. Heaslip captains the side, despite the return from fitness of legend Brian O’Driscoll, and will lead some new faces into battle. “Potential” has been Kidney’s favourite word in the lead-up, admitting his side can be its own worst enemy at times, despite plenty of talent, especially out wide. They were impressive enough against Fiji and Argentina, but they’re hardly powerhouses.

ONE TO WATCH: Brian O’Driscoll – one of the best centres of all time, he may not quite have the legs of old but can still tear through any line. May even enjoy freedom sans captaincy.

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Clockwise from left: Ashton (England); Warburton (Wales); Dusautoir (France); Parisse (Italy); Beattie (Scot); O’Driscoll (Ire)

Italy SKIPPER: Sergio Parisse COACH: Jacques Brunel AUTUMN FORM: Tonga 28-23, NZ 10-42, Aust 19-22 The Azzurri’s leader Parisse insists his lads fear no one, but that doesn’t mean they can beat them. Italy has won just one game in each of the past three series. In autumn they could have beaten Australia (sadly for them, that’s not the most glowing distinction these days) and won against Tonga despite having a shocker. Since Frenchman Brunel took over the gap between his side and the others has narrowed and they’re back in the world’s top 10.

ONE TO WATCH: Sergio Parisse – one of the few Italian players to be considered world class, he’s a man mountain with the hands of a back and leads his side with aplomb.

France

Photos: Getty

SKIPPER: Pascal Pape COACH: Philippe Saint-Andre AUTUMN FORM: Aust 33-6, Arg 39-22, Samoa 22-14 Les Bleus made mincemeat of the Aussies in autumn and easily accounted for Argentina and Samoa. It’s also easy to forget this lot have made the semi-finals in the past five world cups and know how to perform on the big stage. Their glitch is consistency and doing the job away from France.

Their refreshingly honest coach Saint-Andre put it best: “On our best day we can beat the best in the world – on our worst we can lose to anyone.”

ONE TO WATCH: Thierry Dusautoir – would be captain if he wasn’t coming straight back from a knee injury but his leadership and guile in the ruck is a massive bonus.

Round One: Sat, Feb 2: Wales v Ireland, Millennium Stadium, 1.30pm Sat, Feb 2: England v Scotland, Twickenham, 4pm Sun, Feb 3: Italy v France, Stadio Olimpico, 3pm All Six Nations matches will be broadcast live on BBC One

Broncos’ skipper Craig Gower

broncos ready to buck big start key to season If momentum means anything, the London Broncos are coming into the Super League season opener with a wet sail and a tail wind.

The Broncos won four of their last five last year and in pre-season hit outs have taken care of London Skolars, Toulouse and Catalan Dragons. Does this mean they’re contenders for this year? Maybe. But captain Craig Gower says it just means they have no excuses but to better last year’s 12th place finish, starting with a strong showing against Widnes on Sunday.

“Now there are no excuses,” Gower told Sky. “We had a poor start to the season last year and it just spiralled.”

Broncos won just three of their first 20 games last year which led to coach Rob Powell being replaced by Australian Tony Rea. “We have done all the work so it is about going out there and doing it,” Gower added.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

Wiggo lingo: Bradley’s words are a rare treat

A great week for Sir Wiggo – and he didn’t win a thing Brad is blunt and brilliant on Lance and handing Tour to Froome

» Agree or disagree? Is Wiggins a refreshing break from the clichés? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

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michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

HAZARD AFFAIR A WASTED CHANCE My immediate thought when Eden Hazard tried to kick the ball from under a ballboy wasn’t shock or outrage, it was, “Here goes Chelsea again.”

Based on this year’s general patheticness from the uber-rich west Londoners you just knew what was to come – an apology as authentic as a watch bought in a Balinese nightclub and an excuse from someone senior (Rafael Benitez delivered this time).

The incident itself was less significant to me than their predictable handling of the situation. It’s always someone else.

Bizarrely, much of the debate was about whether the 17-year-old, who tweeted

“

Time wasting or not is totally irrelevant

”

about time wasting, was in fact doing so.

Even if he was, it would have bought his team a good five seconds, which could have been added on by the ref. Totally irrelevant.

Ballboys, even if they’re being a bit cheeky, are untouchable, end of story, especially by gazillionaire players. And yet again Chelsea ignored a chance to be the “bigger man”.

Photo: Getty

As if it wasn’t already dead easy to be a fan of Brad … sorry, Sir Bradley Wiggins.

Last week the BBC Sports Personality of the Year (who accepted the award with class and humour in a kick-ass velvet suit), Tour de France champ and Olympic gold medalist, said two things which sent my estimations of him into the stratosphere.

First, he conceded he’ll play second fiddle to Chris Froome in this year’s Tour de France, as the mountainous course better suits his teammate. Froome did the same – some say reluctantly – and came second last year. “I would love to win a second Tour and if I get the chance to do it, that would be great,” he told L’Equipe. “But it looks as if Chris will be the leader this year. That doesn’t mean I’ll be riding 200km a day on the front of the bunch for him. We will be there together as he was last year with me in the mountains.”

So Wiggins, with a yellow jersey and a knighthood, will be support crew. Good for Froome, probably, and certainly Team Sky, though this doesn’t mean Wiggins’ killer instinct will be gone. He made no bones he’ll be right there if his ‘mate’ slips up or gets hurt. “Reciprocal loyalty,” he calls it. I call it having a bang on the money attitude to competition.

Then came the Lance Armstrong interview. He watched it as a cycling fan, a parent (with his seven-year-old son) and a man who knows what it takes to win the Tour. He found it “heartbreaking”, “difficult to watch” and felt from “sadness” to “anger” at how “smug” Armstrong seemed. “By the end it was ‘you deserve everything you get now’ and feeling no sympathy whatsoever,” Wiggins said. The general public’s confused but ultimately disgusted view was validated. He also shared first-hand experience at the difference between “the man I saw on the top of Verbiers in 2009 to the man I saw on the top of Ventoux a week later when we were in doping control together” when they were “going toe-to-toe”. “It wasn’t the same bike rider.” Wiggins may be a bit moody or love the limelight too much for some, but imagine a sports world where all the stars were so allergic to clichés and bullshit.

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

25/01/2013 16:13:32

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Saturday March 9 & Sunday March 10

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Limited places on the day so book now to avoid disappointment.

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ANZAC DAY TOURS

TNT_1535_052 TNT Contiki Jan5227-1.indd 1

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

TAKE THE PLUNGE Will she or won’t she? An Orthodox Christian prepares to take a dip in blessed water as part of Kyrgyzstan’s Epiphany celebrations

Photos: Getty; TNT

INSIDE

LEGENDERRY /56

ROCKING THE BOAT /64

TIME FOR CARNIVAL /68

History, art, architecture, music and plenty of great craic abound in the 2013 UK Capital of Culture.

There’s no better way to explore the Adriatic coast than off Dubrovnik – island-hop, cruise and swim to your heart’s content.

Booty-bouncing, feathers ‘n’ fur-shaking, sun and cheap rum cocktails on tap – it must be time to hit the epic Rio Carnival.

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TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer

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Igloofest: it’s cool to be cold, obvs

TRAVEL EDITOR

NO BUSINESS LIKE SNOW BUSINESS Well, travellers, last week was pretty shitty wasn’t it? Did you spend hours on a barely functioning Piccadilly line to Heathrow only to find out your flight was cancelled? Or perhaps you were one of the poor sods who actually got on the plane, sat on the runway for eight hours and then were told to get off again as controllers had decided not to let it take off. Clearly, a combo of airports and snow, mixed in with the expensive joke that is London Underground, makes for a cocktail of travel hell. And last week’s concoction seemed to have been personally mixed by the devil himself, stirred in with a heady shot of WTF?

Were you caught up in the travel chaos? Write in and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Spread out over a series of long weekends, Igloofest is Montreal’s ‘screw you’ to the fearsome sub-zero temperatures of Canada’s winter.

31-9 All the kids dress up in thermals, retro ski wear and fluorescent woolly hats to get their rave on under the falling snow. DJ sets from Hot Chip’s Joe Goddard and Joy Orbison are among those lined up for the main stage.

JAN-FEB

WHY: Igloofest has been running since 2007 and organisers say they launched it to cheer up everyone who was getting pissed off with the cold weather – temperatures dip to -25°C during January and February.

Energetic dancing and a few mulled wines soon warms everyone up.

TET NGUYEN DAN Vietnam

As the Vietnamese celebrate the lunar new year, it’s 10-13 believed that the best way to leave problems from the past year behind is to make as much noise as possible, so expect a chaotic all-nighter of loud music, as well as traditional feasts of pickled onions, bean pudding and red sticky rice.

FEB

vietnamonline.com

PINEAPPLE CUP RACE Jamaica

Every other year a fleet of sailboats sets off from the 8 coast of Florida in a race that stretches 811 nautical miles to Montego Bay, Jamaica. Spectators wait at the finish line for a mega party.

FEB

montegobayrace.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: Parties in the snow don’t come along often, and Igloofest is quite the spectacle, especially when the multicoloured lights illuminate the snowflakes. When done dancing, warm your bum on the Tia Maria station’s heated benches. igloofest.ca/en

BERLINALE FILM FEST

Germany

More than 300,000 tickets are sold for this annual film 7-17 festival, which is now in its 63rd year. There will be 10 solid days of films, celeb-spotting and glamorous evening soirees. And forget the little golden man statue, winners at the Berlinale vie for a golden bear trophy.

It’s much cuter.

FEB

berlinale.de

SAPPORO SNOW FEST

Japan

Artfully crafted snow statues and ice sculptures 5-11 line the streets of Sapporo in Susukino, Japan, while the more adventurous can try bamboo skiing, tubing, ice sliding and snow rafting.

FEB

snowfes.com/english/

Photo: igloofest.ca

It’s just unbelievable. Time and time again Heathrow has the same problems, in every single instance that there’s even a sprinkling of powder. One of Europe’s busiest airports, it runs almost at full capacity just about all of the time, so any delays, such as to clear a runway of snow, leads to chaos as there are no gaps available later to reschedule the flights. So fine, once you know there’s snowfall expected, you anticipate the chaos and cancel some flights, right? Apparently not.

According to the Financial Times, even after hearing the forecast, bosses decided to do absolutely nothing, only reducing air traffic days later – when their terminals were already full of people spending their holidays sleeping on the floor. Super work, guys.

What must visitors from cold countries (that don’t grind to a halt with a few inches of annual snow) think when they’re in London?

That we’re either too stupid or too greedy to invest the money in a system that can cope. My guess is that the latter is the truth.

IGLOOFEST Canada

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SNUG IN space Nasa has announced it is testing an inflatable bedroom for astronauts at the International Space Station. If the Bigelow Expandable Activity Module (BEAM) can withstand heat, radiation, flying debris and other challenges to its durability, Nasa expects to install the 13ft pod by 2015. The inflatable room has been designed by Las Vegas-based company Bigelow Aerospace, which is planning to develop space hotels and eventually even planetary bases using the technology. It won’t come cheap, though: a 60-day stay will cost £15.6m, and they don’t throw in the airfare, sadly. That’ll set you back an additional £17m.

Photos: Nasa/Getty

paid to leave plane Passengers on an easyJet flight stumped up £400 of their own cash to persuade people to disembark after the plane was too heavy to take off. The flight from Liverpool had already been delayed for an hour-and-a-half when staff offered £100 to anyone willing to depart the plane, but there were no takers. A group of passengers then had a whip-around to raise more money until four volunteered. An easyJet spokesman said it’s not company policy to allow passengers to provide compensation, adding: “As far as we can establish no other arrangements between passengers were made.”

BEAM me bed up: Lori Garver from Nasa and Robert Bigelow, of Bigelow Aerospace, reveal the space bedroom

A dog’s life How much do you really love your pooch?

Enough to treat them to a five-star luxury hotel break? Probably not, because that would be mental. However, The House Of Mutt (houseofmutt.com) in Suffolk is offering just that. The dog-only hotel offers pampered pets everything from long country walks and pampering spa sessions to bespoke portrait painting from just £39.50pn – it really is the dog’s bollocks, you might say. Owner Sarah Mountford said: “People say when their dogs leave the House Of Mutt they seem very happy and relaxed, it’s like a home away from home.”

The Virtual scream As a tribute to Edvard Munch’s famous painting, The Scream, the Norwegian tourist board is aiming to create the world’s longest virtual howl. It’s the 150th anniversary of Norway’s best-known artist this year, so people are being asked to “share their own scream experiences” by recording themselves screaming in Norwegian locations and then uploading their wail to visitnorway.com. Successful entries will be compiled into a video of clips and one person will even win a week-long trip to Norway for opening up their gob. Hm, seems they’re a bit odd in Scandinavia, no? . tntMagazine.com

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Fortress: Londonderry’s city walls

Londonderry NOrthern Ireland

GETTING THERE Fly from London Stansted to Derry from £52 return with Ryanair. bookryanair.com

Londonderry

N. IRELAND

BELFAST

IRELAND

Clockwise: Traditional live Irish music in a city pub; the iconic Hands Across The Divide; Bogside murals; and the Peace Bridge

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UKTRIP

LegenDerry History, art, architecture, music and great craic abound in the 2013 UK Capital of Culture WORDS HELEN ELFER

If there’s one city really set to feel the spotlight this year, it’s Londonderry. This Northern Irish destination is packed with sights, arts, history and more, yet for a long time no one’s been paying it much attention. A reputation as a battleground during the Troubles unsurprisingly put tourists off, but the city is the UK’s City of Culture for 2013, and Lonely Planet has also been singing its praises, calling it the fourth best city in the whole world to visit this year. Let’s have a look at why …

The name: Derry or Londonderry?

Let’s get this part out of the way first: the city’s name is still very contentious. Most Irish nationalists prefer to use the name Derry, while unionists use Londonderry. Legally, the city and county are called Londonderry (the local government district is called Derry), but you’ll still see the ‘London’ part of the name scrawled out on road signs. Want to avoid the debate altogether? The Gaelic name is Doire, from the city’s 10th-century name Doire Colmcille, meaning Oak Grove of Columba.

The history: a raw conflict The conflict between the mainly Protestant unionist community and mainly Catholic nationalist community was over what constitutional status Northern Ireland has in relation to the United Kingdom. Much of the Troubles, as the conflict is known, was focused here along with the capital, Belfast, and during the early Seventies the city was heavily militarised. From the city’s landmarks to artworks, today reminders of the violent years are everywhere.

Photos: Northern Ireland Tourist Board; Getty

The landmarks: bridges and walls Opened in June 2011, the Peace Bridge is a sweeping structure that crosses the River Foyle, and links the largely unionist east of the city to the largely nationalist west – the intention being to symbolise peace between the communities, as well as link them practically. It’s a spinetingling sight by night, when the bridge is illuminated in purple, blue and green.

Londonderry is also famous for its 1.5km of medieval walls, which surround the city and were designed to keep the English and Scottish out. They’re still intact and you can

make a complete circuit of them, making a stop to check out the 24 huge restored cannons, and four original gates along the way.

The artworks: bogside murals A moving series of murals depicting the violence of Northern Ireland’s Troubles can be seen on Rossville Street in the Bogside neighbourhood. The murals, called the People’s Gallery, show images of the 1981 hunger strikes, a petrol bomber and commemorate the victims of Bloody Sunday, among other pictures. A similarly poignant work is the Hands Across The Divide statue on the west side of the Craigavon Bridge. The iconic bronze sculpture of two men reaching out to each other was unveiled in 1992, 20 years after Bloody Sunday, when unarmed civil rights protesters were shot by British Army soldiers.

The craic: folk music and drinking Happily, these two stalwarts of Northern Irish nightlife go hand-in-hand. There’s a huge traditional folk music scene here, which almost always takes place in the city’s old pubs.

Performances are often impromptu and you can expect to see groups with fiddles, bodhran (traditional Irish drums), guitars or just singing old Irish tunes. Heart-warming stuff, even more so after an Irish whiskey or three. Paedar O’Donnell’s Bar is said to be one of the best for catching a session (peadars-gweedorebar.com).

The events: festivals, pageants and all that jazz There’s a whole programme of events planned for 2013, so make sure your trip coincides with one of them to see the city at its liveliest. There’s a jazz fest in May, a huge parade called The Return of Colmcille takes place in June and a 10-day All Ireland Fleadh celebrating all things Irish will kick off in August. It's certainly Cosy cabins: Where going to be a busy year.

NEXT WEEK

More at derryvisitor.com; cityofculture2013.com

to snuggle up with mates or more

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Parisian perfection: two-night break with easyJet Holidays costs £147pp

DEAL OF THE WEEK Berlin Break

£104

Two nights with easyJet (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at Ivbergs Premium. Departs March 11 from London Luton.

< £250

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turkey A nine-day tour costs £499pp (plus free Egypt tour or save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes five- and four-star accommodation, some meals and visiting Gallipoli, Troy and more.

Excludes flights and local payment.

Book by January 31. Departs Istanbul February 16.

Costa del sol Seven nights costs £299pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 1041000). Includes flights and fivestar, all-inclusive accommodation at the Blue Sea Gran Hotel Cervantes in Torremolinos. Departs London Southend on January 30.

Tunisia A seven-night stay costs £291pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at Hotel Riadh Palms. Departs London Gatwick on February 20.

> £500 Morocco A 10-day tour costs £599pp (plus free Egypt tour or save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes four-star accommodation, some meals, camel trek and jeep safari. Excludes flights and local payment. Departs Marrakech on February 2. Book by January 31.

Las vegas Seven nights costs £690pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, room-only accommodation in the heart of the strip at the Luxor Hotel. Departs London Gatwick on March 11.

Croatia A seven-day cruise costs £514pp (save £160) with Sail Croatia (sail-croatia.com; 0800 1938289). Includes en suite, on-board B&B accommodation, daily lunches, sailing from Split to Dubrovnik. Selected departures in June from Split. Book by February 15.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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prague A two-night stay costs £94pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Aida Hotel.

Departs London Stansted on March 13.

Anzac day A four-day tour costs £186pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Includes three-star accommodation, meals, visits to Gallipoli, Dawn Service, Australian and NZ national ceremonies. Excludes flights. Departs Istanbul on April 23.

Book by January 31. scotland A three-day trip costs £72pp (save 40 per cent) with Haggis Adventures (0845 0267576; haggisadventures.com). Includes visit to Loch Ness. Trip excludes both accommodation and flights. Departs Edinburgh on February 1 and 8.

Ireland A three-day trip is £75pp (save 40 per cent) with Shamrocker Adventures (0845 0267576; shamrockeradventures.com).

Visting the Blarney Stone and Dingle Peninsula. Excludes accommodation and flights. Departs Dublin on February 8.

Paris A two-night break costs £147pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Royal Elysees hotel. Departs London Luton on February 5.

£250 – £500

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

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RAJASTHAN CAMEL GANG Arthur Smart, Yorkshire, England

WANDERING FALLOW Hayden Maxey, Wellington, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS This photo was taken just at the right moment with all the dust flying around to create the perfect atmospheric picture. The hard silhouettes of the camels behind the soft sand in the foreground work excellently next to their shepherd in the striking red headscarf, which all combined create an intriguing composition. A picture can say a thousand words and I would imagine there are stories aplenty behind this captured scene, which looks instantly exotic and would be mistaken for the desert were it not for the modern powerlines.

WHY IT WORKS This image has a beautiful, almost majestic feel to it. The sunlight streaming in and the looming trees frame the lonely deer perfectly, which works well with the colourful and contrasting foliage to create an autumnal woodland atmosphere straight out of a Disney movie. The carefully placed shadows around the edge lead us into the middle where our main focus is. Hayden should feel proud to have captured such a stunning photo!

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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TOP FIVE

War monuments

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motherland calls, volgograd

Montreal glamour

le saint sulpice Overview You couldn’t ask for a more scenic part of Montreal for a hotel to be located in. Outside are the pretty cobbled streets of Old Montreal, lined with cosy bars, restaurants and independent galleries, while just a few steps away is the epic NotreDame Basilica. The hotel itself, with its soft lighting, polished woods and smattering of heavy leather chairs, has an old-world European kind of glamour, but still pulls off a relaxed atmosphere. In fact this is exactly the kind of warmly luxurious place you’d want to be holed up in when it’s snowing heavily outside – which of course during the winter in Canada is extremely likely.

WOW FACTOR Almost all of the rooms come with their own faux log fire – the pretend flames flickering through the evening create a real atmosphere. If you can stop yourself sinking onto the huge soft sofa and uncorking a bottle of red wine every time you come back in the evening then you’re extremely strong-willed (and missing out).

ROOMS Absolutely huge, and equipped with all the mod-cons, from a fancy Nespresso machine to a dock for your iPhone. Ask for a room with windows facing onto the streets to get a view of the city with a fresh blanket of snow first thing in the morning in the cold months.

Bill, please Doubles from £134pn.

lesaintsulpice.com

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It’s alright if you can’t remember how long any of the major wars lasted. We won’t even judge if you can’t remember anything from history class except your teacher’s name. But that shouldn’t stop you appreciating some of the greatest monuments in the world, which pay tribute to truly epic feats of bravery and endurance. Seeing a country’s memorials gives a fascinating insight into its history, values and culture, as well as being a moving reminder of the lengths soldiers go to protect their loved ones. Go and be inspired – we promise we won’t test you on the dates when you get back.

The Motherland Calls, or Mother Motherland, is well off the typical Russian tourist route in Mamayev Kurgan, a hill overlooking the southwestern city of Volgograd (previously called Stalingrad), but it is a striking example of a monument that captures the fervour of battle in one stunning figure.

The Motherland Calls was the largest statue in the world when finished in 1967, measuring 82m high, but has

since been outdone by numerous colossal Buddhist monuments.

The statue is part of the Stalingrad Memorial, which commemorates the Battle of Stalingrad in 1942-43. This bloody conflict was one of the deadliest in history, with an estimated two million casualties. Mamayev Kurgan’s hilltop was a strategic location because it provided elevated views of the city, and was the site of particularly fierce fighting, with control switching between Soviet and the Axis forces many times before the Soviets prevailed.

Constructed out of concrete, the statue weighs 7900 tonnes and has started to lean significantly, shifting a worrying 20cm since it was originally built. Conservation works began a few years ago but experts say if it moves much further it will collapse – so watch out for the point of Mother Motherland’s mammoth sword. If you decide to visit, you should also watch where you step as it’s said fragments of shrapnel and bone from battle can still be found on the ground. visitrussia.org.uk

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25/01/2013 11:04:38

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ARC DE TRIOMPHE, PARIS

You know it’s a big deal landmark and may have snapped a picture of yourself standing under it, or seen it as the Tour de France comes in to the finish.

Got no idea what it represents, though? Well, located at the centre of Place Charles de Gaulle, at the western end of the Champs-Elysees, the iconic 49.5m arch is a tribute to those who fought during the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars. It took 30 years to build and was finished in 1836. arcdetriompheparis.com

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; TNT

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WAR MONUMENTS

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PEOPLE’S HEROES, BEIJING

Beijing’s Monument to the People’s Heroes is a 10-storey obelisk dedicated to those who lost their lives in many of China’s revolutionary struggles.

The centrepiece of Tiananmen Square, the monument has eight panels across the base devoted to significant events in Chinese history including revolts against the British and Japanese.

Since it was completed in 1958, it’s also been the site of several violent protests, including the horrific 1989 clash between students and soldiers. tsquare.tv

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TOP FIVE

STATUE OF BROTHERS, SEOUL

The Statue of Brothers is at Seoul’s War Memorial of Korea and shows a Republic of Korea officer embracing a younger North Korean soldier.

A plaque outside reads: “The crack in the dome stands for the division of Korea and the hope for reunification.” Surprising, considering relations between the countries. Inside the dome are iron chain links that represent a bond between North and South. visitseoul.net

5

MARTYRS’ STATUE, BEIRUT

The Martyrs’ Statue in Martyrs’ Square, Beirut, was originally built in honour of six Lebanese nationalists who gave their lives in World War One during the Ottoman occupation.

Now the iconic statue has come to symbolise the destruction of the Lebanese Civil War because it’s riddled with bullet holes made during the conflict, and one of the figures is missing an arm. Flags and posters are still draped over it whenever there are protests today.

NEXT WEEK Chinatowns: where to go to celebrate Chinese New Year

beirut.com

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Chillin’: see penguins in stunning Antarctica

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Sir Ranulph Fiennes’ muchQ With anticipated Antarctic crossing this year, what advice can you offer to the amateur visitor to this continent? I’ve heard about a lot of cruises that allow you to set foot on the tip of the ice shelf. Can you tell me the best way to spend as much time on land and see as much wildlife as possible?

Ross, via email Antarctica is, for most people, A Visiting a once-in-a-lifetime trip to experience

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easy is it to reach Fez from there and is there much to see?

Dan, via email is pretty straightforward to reach Fez A Itfrom Marrakech, as both buses and trains serve this route. I would personally opt for the train – while slightly more expensive (£14) it takes eight hours and arrives at the brand-new station, conveniently close to the centre of Fez’s modern district, Ville Nouvelle. This is a great jumping off point for exploring Fez. Fez’s main drawcard is the medina. Narrow lanes and covered bazaars are crammed with a chaotic mix of market stalls, street food, hordes of people and constant repair works to the ancient buildings. One of the main attractions is simply exploring this atmospheric warren of shops and cafes. You will most likely get lost at some stage, as the tiny lanes of the medina are difficult to navigate, but this is often the best way to find a new part of the area. Be aware that it isn’t safe to wander the medina at night, though, as there are many reports of robberies.

There are sights within the medina as well, such as one of Africa’s largest mosques (Kairaouine Mosque and University). Although non-Muslims are not permitted to enter, you can still marvel at its sheer scale. The Chouara Tanneries are an iconic sight in Fez. Here you can see the tanning pits by walking through one of the many leather shops that back onto it.

SEA SICKNESS REMEDY I used to get sick whenever I took a boat trip and it always ruined my holiday. I once actually puked over the side of a fishing boat in France. But then I discovered ginger! It doesn’t matter how you take it – raw, in pills or in biscuits, whatever. It settles your stomach right away. Also, never, ever have a hangover when you get on the boat … that can crack even the most experienced sailor.

Francis Mo, via email BURNING UP Don’t forget your sunscreen. Even when you feel cool from the wind, the glare from the water actually means you get burned easier than on land.

Jason Jones, via email

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Photo: Thinkstock

one of the world’s most remote locations. The icy landscape is home to a stunning array of wildlife, including penguins and whales. Most visitors to Antarctica travel by boat, and you can go with cruise ships or smaller vessels – there are expeditions taking anything from between 10 to 500 passengers.

The cost of trips starts at around £2700 for 10 days, but they vary widely, with only some of them allowing passengers to go ashore onto the ice. When planning your trip, remember that smaller boats offer you better access to trained guides and special interest tours, such as kayaking, and because of their shallow hull they can reach less visited parts of the ice, too. On the other hand, larger ships generally provide a smoother crossing.

Between December and March is the warmest time of year, with around 20 hours of sunlight each day in January. February and March are the best months for whale-watching and to see penguin chicks being reared.

in visiting Marrakech Q Iforama interested few days in the new year – how

READERS’ TIPS ON BOAT TRIPS

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Old City: the one-time sea power dubbed the ‘Pearl of the Adriatic’ is Unesco World Heritage-listed [Caption]

Dubrovnik

zagreb

CROATIA

Croatia

GETTING THERE Fly Monarch direct to Dubrovnik from London Gatwick from £72.50 return. monarch.co.uk

Dubrovnik

Clockwise from bottom left: the Buza; Blue Cave, Kolocep; bombs away off a boat in the Adriatic; the Old Town

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25/01/2013 10:40:03

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Rocking the boat There’s no better way to explore the Adriatic coast than off Dubrovnik – island-hop, cruise and swim to your heart’s content Words Helen Elfer

There are two ways to ‘do’ Dubrovnik. The first is to head out to see the Old Town sights in the morning, walk a circuit of the stunning medieval walls, admire frescos in the old churches and wander the cobbled streets licking ice creams. Which is all very nice, sure, but you’ll have to share the experience with at least 5000 other tourists – and Dubrovnik’s not a big place. The picturesque city is hugely popular as a cruise port, and when the ships dock in the morning, it can feel as though you’re drowning in a sea of stampeding holidaymakers. So go for option two: leave your sightseeing until the late afternoon, when they’ve all been herded back to their ships. In the meantime, make the absolute most of the sparkling, warm waves of the Adriatic Sea by taking one of these terrific boat trips.

Island-hopping by speedboat There’s no better feeling than pulling on your swimmers, climbing on board a sexy speedboat and enjoying the spray of the sea and heat of the sun while someone else does the driving – in this case, it’s around the Elaphiti Islands. This archipelago northwest of Dubrovnik consists of four main islands: Sipan, Lopud, Lokrum and Kolocep, plus a few dozen other smaller ones. Depending on what kind of trip you’re after, most tour companies will allow you to mix and match stops at all or just some of them.

Sipan is the largest of the islands, and particularly lush with olive, fig and orange trees growing across it. If you like here so much you don’t want to leave, you can stay overnight in one of the two fishing villages on the island – Šipanska Luka or Sudurad. Both are far quieter and less touristy places to stay than on Dubrovnik’s mainland.

Lopud is a much smaller island, at only 4.6 square kilometres, but it’s inhabited, too. Most people stop here to spend a few hours on Sunj beach, which is one of the only sandy stretches in Dubrovnik (most of the beaches are too pebbly to lie about on). If lazing in the sun isn’t your thing, there are heaps of winding, easy-to-follow forest paths here for a little light trekking.

As for Lokrum, it’s also extremely pretty, but completely uninhabited these days, unless you count the families of peacocks that wander the island. There’s also a 15th-century monastery and well-preserved botanical gardens to explore while you’re here.

Finally, don’t miss out on a stop at Kolocep. The island’s Blue Cave is a must-see, named because it illuminates swimmers with an electric aqua light. The water’s chillier inside but it’s fine to paddle right into the cove to get the full effect. There are lots of other caves to explore on the south side of the island, too.

But no matter which of these spots you take in on your tour, make sure you also ask your boat driver to drop anchor somewhere far out to sea, where you can swim and snorkel as much as you like without another tourist in sight.

DO IT: Try Dubrovnik Boats for an Elaphite Islands Tour.

Prices on request. dubrovnikboats.com

Partying like a pirate Want the least authentic (but still thoroughly enjoyable) pirate ship experience possible? Then book yourself onto the galleon Tirena, a replica 16th-century Dubrovnik ship. The bearded captain claims to have built it himself, but considering he also brings a stuffed parrot and oversized pirate hat ››

Pirate tourrrr: all aboard the kitsch galleon Tirena tntMagazine.com

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along on each journey, it’s hard to take him seriously. You can book this whole boat out with your mates for two-hour dusk cruises. These set sail along the coast of Dubrovnik as the light fades, and go past the historic city walls – this is probably the best vantage point from which to appreciate their full scale. The cruise also passes the magnificent Fort Lovrijenac, which fans of cult TV show Game Of Thrones will recognise as King’s Landing from season two. Alternatively, book a full-day ticket on the ship to explore the Elaphitis.

DO IT: A nine-hour cruise stopping at Kolocep, Lopud and Sipan, including a fresh seafood lunch with wine, costs £35.89pp through Viator. Dusk cruises can be booked through Elite with prices on request.

Best of the rest dubrovnik by land

elite.hr; viator.com

Kayaking on the coast If you feel the need to work those muscles after so long spent sprawled out on boat decks, go for a paddle off Dubrovnik’s coast. This is the perfect chance to explore the more off-the-beaten-track coves, miniature islands and secret bays that most tourists don’t get to see. Adriatic Kayak Tours runs a half-day, 8km trip that takes you to Zaton Bay, which is just 10km north of Dubrovnik. A deep bay, surrounded by mountain ridges, it has calmer waters and is less windy than around the Old Town (although many do choose to kayak here anyway). Taking a kayak out here means you get to see an old stone mill with bubbling underground springs and Renaissance-era stone villas.

Alternatively, if you’d rather stick around the Old Town part of Dubrovnik, you can also hire just the kayaking equipment and take yourself for a paddle off the coast – it’s often choppy here but there are terrific views of the mainland to be had from the water.

DO IT: Adriatic Kayak Tours’ Zaton Bay and Beyond tour is £30pp and includes snorkeling and cliff-jumping. Rent kayak equipment from them for half a day for £21pp. adriatickayaktours.com

Croatian cruising

Once you’ve made it back onto dry land, here are the unmissable activities that no trip to Dubrovnik would be complete without …

Dubrovnik Cable car Got a head for heights? Take the new cable car to the top of Srd Hill. From here you can appreciate the full intensity of Dubrovnik’s colours – the rich greenery of the hills, the iconic orange roofs and deep blue of the Adriatic Sea. The ride is smooth, and when you get to the top there are enough dazzling, 360-degree views to keep your head spinning – on a clear day you can see up to 60km. There’s also a great cafe at the top to while away an hour or so in. dubrovnikcablecar.com

old city walls If you do nothing else of historical interest in Dubrovnik, at least make time to walk the 2km circuit of the medieval battlements. These date back to the 13th century, and include a series of forts and towers – perfect for climbing inside and taking that classic view-through-the-window snapshot of the sea. Around every turn is a fresh view of the Adriatic and the city. A pass to the walls costs £5.50, which is money excellently spent. tzdubrovnik.hr

Buza bar In Dubrovnik dialect, buža means ‘hole’ (not boozer). The buza bars are two drinking hotspots that are actually found right in the nooks and crannies of the city’s ramparts.

Rows of chairs and tables are perched a little precariously on the natural ledges, giving visitors an unbroken view right out to sea as they sup a beer or two. There are two of these inside the Old Town, both of which can be reached by taking the steps up to the southernmost wall and following the painted signs. One of the buzas is considered for locals only, but no one will stop you going in if you want to. The other, called Cold Drinks Buza, is open to one and all.

The Adriatic: perfect for paddling 66

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cafebuza.com

Photos: Gordon Bell; Getty; dubrovnikboats.com; Sail Croatia; TNT; Dubrovnik Cable Car

Want to see more of the Dalmatian coast? Then spend a week on a cruise ship doing just that. On The Go Tours runs an eight-day package, Cruise Dubrovnik, that stops off at Mljet Island National Park to see the salt water lakes in Trstenik on the Peljesac Peninsula and indulge in a little wine-tasting, and at Korcula’s medieval Old Town. Naturally, there’s also the chance to get stuck into the wild nightlife of the harbour town of Hvar. If you book off-season (outside July and August), you don’t even have to worry about those pesky morning crowds when you’re in Dubrovnik either, so you can see the city when it’s quiet and ripe for exploring.

DO IT: An eight-day Cruise Dubrovnik tour costs £389pp. onthegotours.com ❚

Bird’s eye: stunning cable car view

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25/01/2013 10:40:10

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Rio de Janeiro Brazil

GETTING THERE Fly British Airways from London Heathrow to Rio de Janeiro from £716 return. ba.com

BRAZIL BOLIVIA

Flair affair: Carnival is no place for shrinking violets 68

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ARGENTINA

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The world’s biggest party Booty-bouncing, feathers ‘n’ fur-shaking, sun and cheap rum cocktails on tap – it must be time to hit the epic Rio Carnival Words andrew westbrook

WHEN TO GO: Rio is a fantastic year-round destination, “I couldn’t work it out,” explains one beefy aren’t taken out on the street, but in the but it comes alive in the months but confused Aussie traveller. “For two days Sambadrome, Rio’s purpose-built cathedral of December to March, when both straight I found myself walking home at to all things samba. Recently given a fresh temperatures and passions soar for sunrise, wearing little more than a miniskirt. lick of paint in preparation for when the New Year’s Eve and the carnival. To city hosts the 2016 Olympic Games, the “Even weirder,” he continues, “is that both times they were different skirts, skirts I’d avoid crowds, try June to August.

Sambadrome squeezes in 90,000 spectators CURRENCY: £1= 3.26 BRL never seen before. I’ve no idea why or with to shake their hips, while a further 30,000 (Brazilian Real) who I’d swapped them for my clothes!” costumed dancers do the samba along the Welcome to Rio Carnival, the biggest party ACCOMMODATION: It’s half-mile runway. This is where the grandest, not easy to find a bed for the night on the planet. It’s a time when days merge most colourful and professional parades take during the carnival period, so into nights, sunsets into sunrises and men place. Organisers boast it’s the biggest stage into women. Cross-dressing might be optional book soon. Ipanema Beach House on earth, and it’s hard to argue. (ipanemahouse.com) has dorm (or accidental, apparently), but getting Getting tickets for the parades, however, beds for £18 per night, which rises involved in some shape or form is inevitable. can be a bit of a minefield, so here are the to £72 per night, for a minimum For the best part of a week next month bare essentials. First up, there are four main six-night stay, during the carnival.

(February 8-12), in the hedonistic run-up to parade nights. The 12 biggest and best SEE: rio-carnival.net Lent, two million people will take to the samba schools, known as the Special Group, streets of Rio de Janeiro each day and each compete on the last two nights – Sunday and night. The roads will be alive with the pulsating rhythms of Monday (February 10 and 11). Meanwhile, 19 other not-sosamba, endless throngs of scantily clad bodies and the zesty special samba schools, known as the Access Group, do the aroma of lime-filled caipirinhas. deed on the Friday and Saturday nights (February 8 and 9).

And after a year of anticipation, everything is almost in The budget choice is the latter, when tickets start at place. The floats have been constructed, under James Bondaround £35, rather than nearer £85 for the closing nights. esque levels of secrecy, while the dance moves and costumes Sign up for the Friday night and you’ll also get the carnival’s have been all but perfected. The only thing that remains opening ceremony thrown in for free. is for the residents of Rio themselves to make their final Once you’ve picked when you’re going, you’ve then preparations. “Carnival is a marathon not a sprint,” says Luiz got to choose where to sit. Ultimately, you could buy a Farias, a barman in his mid-twenties, with a cheeky smirk. small island for what some of the packages cost, sat among “It’s about free dancing, free drinking and free loving, for Latin America’s rich and famous, but most people will find day after day after day. So right now we’re working on our themselves in the ‘grandstands’, which are swathes of stamina, our tans and on getting single!” concrete steps without allocated seating – you just turn up However, while the Cariocas (the locals) break hearts and and hope not to get too squished. If you want to be near the brown their bodies, you might be wondering just where front, get there early, and if you don’t intend on dancing to start in a place where the whole city is gearing up for a until dawn, bring a cushion. In case you wonder why the celebration of dance, freedom and a week as good as the prices look to the skies in the middle of the runway – around good times get. Luckily, we’ve got you covered. sector 10 – it’s because that’s where the drummers from every school must stop and put on a show.

The parades The parades all start at 9pm, with each samba school’s 4000 dancers given 75 minutes to strut their stuff to impress Feathers, fur and plenty of flesh are, for most people, the the judges. images that first spring to mind when you mention carnival.

MORE: For ticket information, check out rio-carnival.net. ›› However, most of those iconic photos you see each year tntMagazine.com

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The street parties Whether you’ve missed out on Sambadrome tickets, would rather skip the ‘official’ entertainment or simply want to ease back on the flood of spending, fear not, you’ve still got no chance of missing out on the carnival spirit. Free street parties, concerts and mini-parades are held everywhere during carnival, with most days boasting 100 or more shindigs in different parts of the city. Some of these are well-established and take place daily. The Praça Floriano, in central Cinelândia, for example, is one of the most famous, hosting nightly concerts for a traditional but still dancecrazed crowd.

The central suburb of Lapa, meanwhile, is invariably a good place to end up. Hosting pumping street parties every weekend of the year, Lapa is a place that already knows how to let its hair down and keep the mixer-light caipirinhas coming, but during carnival week, the area really goes into overdrive. Expect to find the streets tight with sweaty bodies in among the bands, myriad food stalls and cocktail makers, all banked by stacks of bars and clubs, in case you’re in need of taking refuge.

The real heart and soul of the carnival, however, is in the more fluid street parties, or blocos, which is where you’ll find most of the inhabitants of Cidade Maravilhosa, or the Marvellous City, getting, well, blotto.

They can start at 6am, 2pm or 10pm, based around a stage or moving through a suburb, and expect to find plenty of drinking, dancing and wandering hands. Normally more casual parties arranged by groups of individuals, with the backing of their own signature song and a samba band, the blocos more often than not have a fancy dress theme, such as carnival costumes, crazy hats or (one for our burly mate) cross-dressing.

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Single-minded: Cariocas prep by getting a sexy tan

Photos: Getty

Vista: Christ the Redeemer, and above right, shakin’ in the Sambadrome

Two of the most famous blocos are the Cordão do Bola Preta (Polka Dot Bloco), at which you’ll find 200,000 people boogying around the historical city centre, and the Suvaco de Cristo (Armpits of Christ), which is based below the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue. Copacabana, Leblon, Ipanema, Jardim Botanico and Lagoa are also very popular areas that are always on the move.

Day into night: ‘Is that sweat or rum?’

Likely both at a carnival street party

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Brit Marina Law is a huge carnival fan and says there’s something for everyone at all times of the day. “What’s not to love?” asks the 30-year-old. “The whole city just seems to stop working to party for five days straight on an epic scale.

There are lorries covered in speakers and people having an amazing time everywhere. The beach is so busy it’s like a party itself. All you can do is drink it all in and join the fun.”

MORE: Your best bet for finding the blocos is to pick up a timetable once you arrive in the city, while local paper The Rio Times (riotimesonline.com) has advance information on some of the bigger get-togethers.

The costumes If you want to go all out and get a full carnival costume, there’s no shortage of options. Indeed, if you’re hoping to take part in one of the Sambadrome parades, having your own costume could well be your ticket to the action. First up you’ll need to choose which samba school you want to join, as each one creates their own costumes to reflect their theme. Then you need to decide if you want to be on a float or on the ground. Being on the ground among the masses is the cheaper option, while going for a float, where the school is more concerned about you being in clear view of the judges, might mean you have to cough up anywhere from £600 to £6000 for your glad rags.

Naturally, you don’t have to go down the official route if you’re not bothered about actually being in the Sambadrome. Whether you dress as a smurf, a nun or even Borat, simply getting into the carnival spirit is likely to make you some friends.

MORE: Get some ideas at rio.com/carnival-costumes.

Sail Croatia & Greece on your own yacht!

The prices Carnival costs can come as a shock: accommodation prices triple (at least) while transport tickets tend to be in short supply late in the day. The good news is a caipirinha bought on the street costs around £1.50 (and contains untold amounts of rum) while a bottle of beer is less than a pound.

Meals are also relatively cheap – you can eat well in the city’s ‘per kilo’ restaurants for under £10. ❚

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D

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ST PATRICKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day DUBLIN 15TH - 18TH MARCH

Packages from

ÂŁ189

Watch Dublin turn in to a sea of Green as we join with the locals to celebrate Irish Style! And a trip to Dublin wouldnt be complete with out a trip to the Guinness Brewery! Choose our coach tour or meet us in Dublin

QUEENS DAY

AMSTERDAM 28TH APRIL - 1ST MAY

Packages from

E

P O SI

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D

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ÂŁ159

Be prepared to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;orangedâ&#x20AC;? as the Dutch go crazy celebrating their Queens Birthday. Street Parades and Parties, huge outdoor concerts, outdoor flea markets and much more. We have coach tours or accommodation only.

IBIZA - Pamps Crack On IBIZA 8TH - 12TH JULY

Packages from

ÂŁ299

With over ÂŁ150 of club entry, a booze cruise, and accommodation, this is too good to miss! Some say the island is a great place to recover from the madness of San Fermin, and some want to kick start the summer.

n

3 Q

ÂŁ169

Spains biggest festival is a week of fireworks, street parties, parades and off course the gastronomic delights of Valencia. Join us for a four day experience like no other

**Certain conditions apply to our January Sale ÂŁ20 deposit.These will be emailed to you once we have received your booking form and deposit .

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1973

2013

CEL

EBR

3 DAY ANZAC Western Front

4 DAY ANZAC Raid

£319

£240

5 DAY ANZAC Patrol 22-26 Apr 2013

£285

Visits Istanbul & Gallipoli.

Visits Istanbul & Gallipoli.

8 DAY ANZAC Sortie 19-26 Apr 2013

£450

Visits Istanbul, Bursa, Kusadasi, Ephesus, Pergamon, Bergama, Troy and Gallipoli.

Festivals in Europe 4 DAY Las Fallas Valencia, Spain NOW

17-20 Mar 2013

£169

The people of Valencia celebrate their patron saint’s day and the passing of winter with a fiery party of ferocious proportions. Over 400 spectacular effigies are constructed for one reason – to be burnt to a cinder to welcome in the new Spring.

L8291 / Y2992

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14 DAY ANZAC Expedition 13-26 Apr 2013

£660

Visits Istanbul, Ankara, Cappadocia, Konya, Antalya, Saklikent Gorge, Fethiye, Pamukkale, Kusadasi, Ephesus, Pergamon, Bergama, Troy and Gallipoli.

4 DAY St Patrick’s Day Dublin, Ireland 15-18 Mar 2013 NOW

Visits Ypres, Lille, The Somme, Villers-Bretonneux & Amiens.

AT I N G 4 0 Y E

23-26 Apr 2013

£189

No one throws a party like the Irish – and there is no better time to experience this than on St Patrick’s Day! The streets of Dublin are filled with music, street theatre, comedy and more, “Cead mile failte” (A thousand welcomes).

4 DAY Venice Carnival Venice, Italy 8-11 Feb 2013 NOW

23-25 Apr 2013

A

RS

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TOPDECK

£189

Be enchanted by the mystery of Venice as the locals don elaborate masks while celebrating the festivities of Carnival.

The famous canals come alive with street parties, costumes and celebrations during this unique festival.

CALL 0845 257 5210

Open 8am-9pm

25/01/2013 15:19:12

*Term price = £0 whe new Ame one The right

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Europe in Winter

Favourite Big Tour Operator Favourite Ski/Winter Operator Favourite Tour Operator in Western Europe

Ski Trips Austria

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WAS £1250

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19 DAY Ultimate Egypt

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NOW

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Includes Paris, Rome, Salzburg, Prague, plus more!

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Dep Weekly Jan-March

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*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. The 10% book and pay in full by 31st January offer for North America trips is valid for new confirmed bookings made from 1 January 2013 and paid in full by 31 January 2013. This 10% discount applies exclusively to all North America trips listed in Topdeck’s 2013 North America brochure. This discount can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Please contact our friendly team for further details.

The discount does not apply to Food Fund or pre/post accommodation. Normal cancellation conditions apply. Topdeck reserves the right to withdraw this offer at any time. See online for full terms and conditions.

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OFF

Includes US$280 food fund

North America Sale Save 10% on all trips!

25%

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we

europe

FAVOURITE EAST EUROPE & FESTIVAL TOUR OPERATOR 2012

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up to £124

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#PASHTAG

EASTER IN PARIS 4 DAYS £319 DEPARTS LONDON 29 MARCH

Make the most of your long weekend and head over to the stunning French capital and party in style INCLUSIONS: Your fantastic Busabout Guide / Return coach & ferry from London to Paris / 3 nights accommodation / 3 breakfasts / Welcome dinner & drink / Bike tour & river cruise / Trip to Palace of Versailles with picnic lunch / Paris night tour by coach

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NEW FOR 2013 - ONE-WAY SAIL DEPARTING SPLIT OR ZADAR Includes the party haven of Zcre Beach - one of the most happening places in Dalmatia, attracting top DJs from around the world. Enjoy the mix of natural wonders, local food, wine and historic towns. With cheap flights in and out of Zadar this is a great option for those on a budget.

Croatia One-Way Sail Highlights & Inclusions LINK UPe an

to mak both One-Ways sailing days 14 ble ta et rg fo un ubrovnik t-D pli r-S Zada

DEPARTS SPLIT OR ZADAR NEW FOR 2013 (JUL & AUG) 8 DAYS FROM £519 DEPARTS SPLIT OR DUBROVNIK (MAY - OCT) 8 DAYS FROM £449

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info@busabout.com

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HIGHLAND FLING DAYS (MON ) £199 NOW £169 / STUDENTS NOW £161 * Loch Ness, Isle of Skye & North West Highlands

3

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TRAVEL

Travelling to Europe on a Walkabout?

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25/01/2013 15:19:35

Save on all tours with just £10 deposit in January

PAMPLONA 2013P

T CAM JOIN PP AT PAMP’S CLOSESACTIO N! JUST A FEW KMS AWAY FROM ALL THE

TRAVEL

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2013 TOURS NOW SELLING:

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PLACE YOUR TRUS

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S t Pa trick’s day 2013

PAT’S DAY BEING ON A WEEKEND, ST GE IN DUBLIN IS GOING TO HU 79 NOW £259 ✔ Coach tours was £2 NOW £189 ✔ Accom only was £209

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(1991-2012): 22 year’s of great party tours!! tntMagazine.com

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TRAVEL

Next Stop?

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WEEKEND BREAKS AMSTERDAM & BRUGGE from £179 1st February. Return coach & ferry travel, sightseeing in Amsterdam & Brugge, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, visit to Cheese & Clog factory & Tour Manager.

PARIS BY EUROSTAR from £229 8th February. Return Eurostar & transfers, 2 nights B&B hotel accom, guided city sightseeing tour, plenty of free time & Tour Manager.

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EDINBURGH BY RAIL from £179

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AMSTERDAM & BRUGGE from £179 1st March. Return coach & ferry travel, sightseeing in Amsterdam & Brugge, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, visit to Cheese & Clog factory & Tour Manager.

DAY TRIPS Sat 2nd Feb - Cambridge from £35 Sat 9th Feb - York by Train from

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With the African specialists Absolute Africa 30 years overlanding in Africa

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tntMagazine.com

25/01/2013 15:19:37

TRAVEL

PADDY’S DAY THE PERFECT DUBLIN WEEKEND!

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 3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199  4 Day Tour 23-26 APR fr£239  5 Day Tour 22-26 APR fr£279  8 Day Tours 20-27 APR or 22-29 APR  15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY

AS FEATURED ON CHANNEL NINE!

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WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services  Eurostar Tour 23-25 APR £299  Make Own Way 23-25 APR £279

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WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac  CAT A+: JUN fr£389 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 SEP fr£399  CAT A: JUL fr£379 AUG fr£399 SEP fr£379

WED 30 JAN 8PM £43 SAT 23 FEB 1 PM £33

£149 £749 £349 £399 £229

GREEK ISLANDS

GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER  9 Days JUL-AUG £399 Tours start in Athens every Saturday ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Athens ✔ High speed ferries ✔ Breakfasts ✔ Fanatics Tour Rep ✔ Parties

OKTOBERFEST BEERFEST IN MUNICH! 20 SEP-7 OCT  8 Days Prague & Buda Fest SAT-SAT  6 Days Coach Tours THU-TUE  4 Days Camping FRI-MON  4 Days Hostel FRI-MON  4 Days Hotel FRI-MON

£379 fr£209 fr£99 fr£199 fr£339

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm

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TRAVEL

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Saturday March 9 & Sunday March 10

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* Sisters station on Sunday afternoon – love the swagger, really love the off-centred baseball cap, even love that faux-diamond $ necklace you always wear. Fancy a bit of posh in your life? Come and say hi. I’m the lady in the tweed coat and pearls.

Yours, Deirdre SING TO WIN: Shauna, you’re an appalling singer. Your voice could make birds fall out of the sky, and it certainly makes me want to fall in front of the nearest bus.

you who farted on the Tube this morning! I was sitting down and you were standing, and your bum was right in my face. It was not silent, and it was not subtle. But it was seriously distressing. Jane WORK IT ... ELSEWHERE: Dear Drag Queen at the Holloway Morrisons. You look so fabulous.

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Things the Queen should do before she dies

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If you make me come to another open mic night with you while you bounce around doing No Woman No Cry in a fake Jamaican accent, it’s over. I mean it. Rod MR WRONG: Dearest sordid BFF: you are a beautiful girl, positively dripping in talent and charm. You do not need to stoop to the low-lifes you date. A couple of words of advice ... if he’s married, he’s not for you. If he’s into beastiality, stay away! Signed, your sister-in-Ben-&-Jerry’s WHAT AN ASSHOLE : Hey Mr Smelly Pants. I know it was

place is riddled with creepy racists.

Love, Josh I HOPE YOU TRIP: Seeking common sense at Tube stations: you people texting/ Facebooking/ looking at reflections of yourselves in your phone while walking are not going half as fast as you think.

Maybe it’s because of your peasized brains that you can’t deal with the looking and the left/ right/ left at the same time, but for me, it brings hatred, bile and a wish that you miss the bottom step on the escalator and get chewed up by its teeth. Behind you

SHORT SKIRT, PINK JACKET: Never thought commenting on a girl’s get-up could be such an ice breaker. So, to the girl in the pink jacket on the Metropolitan line to Finchley Road, thanks for chuckling when I said, “Fuck me, aren’t you cold?” when I noticed your minuscule skirt and no stockings.

You’re obviously cool as hell, ‘cos I nearly forgot to get off at my stop, but in the rush I didn’t get your number. Gutted, ‘cos you seem well up for it. Byron AGENT 666 : Does anyone else think London’s rental agents are basically evil? The ones I’ve encountered are made up of rude pricks who stump up rent to increase their commission and only ever have houses with no living room. If anyone’s looking for a tediously normal and tidy housemate who can pay his rent, be quiet and/ or sociable when need be, and will be a great guard dog if an agent comes to the door, get in touch. Mario HAT’S ALL : It’s hard, as an avid amateur haberdasher, to find people of similar interests. I don’t particularly care about politics or cools bands or great literature, unless they involve hats. If you’re into hats too, I think we’d really get on. Alva SCREEN QUEEN : I woke up with your name etched into the middle of my TV. I’m not sure where you went or what your problem is. I don’t have your number or Facebook or even your second name. Look, you either owe me a new TV or a second date. Jonny

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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OI, OI, OI : Happy Australia Day to all my mates in snowy London town, loved celebrating with you and cracking open some tinnies.

Also pleased we didn’t get a repeat of last year’s incident, don’t think the ambulance staff would have been as understanding this time around. Balty UP FOR IT : You met the rest, now meet the best. Ladies, I am up for it in the worst way. Nice guys finish last, so don’t worry, I’m not nice. But I am friggin’ amazing. See you at Clapham Junction’s finest nightspots most Friday nights, I’m the fella wearing the Captain Awesome T-shirt – the one you’ve been dreaming and crying into your pillow about. Geoff W SEE YA, SHAZZA : Sharon, we will miss you loads, even your stinkin’ Ugg boots steaming by the radiator. The nasty bastards at the immigration office decided your time had come to an end, but all those gin-soaked nights will live on in our hearts. Good on you lovely girl. Big love from the Goldhawk Road massive BABY, BABY: To Eric who I took home from The King’s Head last Saturday. I’m sorry I never replied to your messages, I definitely did have a good time. But thing is, you said some crazy shit in your sleep I’ll just never be able to forget.

Whimpering “Mama, mama” and then putting your thumb in your mouth ... let’s just say it was offputting. Dude, you need to see a therapist. Nat LOVE TRAIN: Stylish scally who’s always loitering at Seven

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