TNT Magazine / Issue 1536

February 4-10 2013 Issue 1536 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

TICKETS TO BILBAO BBK LIVE MUSIC FESTIVAL IN SPAIN

LIVE IT UP IN LAS VEGAS Hit the strip for gambling and girls

VALENTINE’S DAY SORTED What to book, whether you’re loved-up or single

JAMES MCAVOY IS MACBETH Brace yourself for apocalyptic theatre

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T S U L R O F G N I K O O L st sin cities ie k in k ’s e p o ur raunchy in E t e g d n a s e ay ros Ditch the V-D + COSY CABINS WORLD’S BEST CHINATOWNS UFC’S JAMES TE HUNA LATE TRAVEL DEALS TNT_1536_01 1

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Whether the approach of Valentine’s Day next week makes you blush with joy or barf in disgust, there’s no excuse for not having an awesome night out on Feb 14. We’ve put together a foolproof guide that guarantees a good time, no matter what your relationship status, on P8. If you’re planning a getaway with someone, we’ve got ideas for the romantic (P56) and raunchy (P66). Determined to be down on love? Go see gory theatre with James McAvoy (P28).

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4

LONDONNEWS

6

DRINK & EATS

12+13

@TNT SPOTTED

14 16+17

LONDON SOUND LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

20+23

COMPETITION

22

CHATROOM TANIT PHOENIX

25

LONDON SCENE

26

LONDON FOCUS

28

SPARE TIME

32

LIFESTYLE

Photos: Getty

18

34-39

CAREERS

34

MONEY

37

LIVING

38

NEWS & SPORT

40-50

TRAVEL

53-74

8

FEATURES GET V-DAY BOOKED

8

Our guide to a great night out on Feb 14, for the loved-up, horny and plain bitter

APOCALYPSE NOW

James McAvoy stars in a new production of Macbeth, set in a dystopian future

DIARY

54

THE FIGHTER

NEWS

55

UK TRIP

56

Aussie-Kiwi James Te Huna on taking risks in The Octagon at Wembley this month

LATE DEALS

58

COSY UP

HOTSHOTS

61

TOP FIVE

62

TNT’s top picks for a cosy cottage break to suit every calibre of couple

TIPS

64

SHORT BREAK

66

BIG TRIP

70

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

75-97 98

28

28

SEEDY CITIES

48

56

66

Forget the fluff – whisk your partner away for sexy times in Europe’s kinkiest spots

LOVIN’ LAS VEGAS

70

We hit sin city for a The Hangover-style weekend of casinos and calamities

66 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Daisy Carrington; Charlotte Maguire Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke

LONDONDIARY

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Colour clash: what you can expect from Shields’ new series

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON tyler shields: chromatics west london

Hollywood photographer Shields is known for capturing the wild child denizens of Los Angeles, of which there are many, in poses and situations you just wouldn’t expect – such as a blood-covered Lindsay Lohan brandishing a fuck-off knife that says don’t mess, and a PETA-baiting, raw meat-licking Mischa Barton. This exhibition contains some of the infamous photographer’s fascinating new work. So check it out and make up your mind on its controversial merits. free

Feb 8-Mar 31, Mon-Sat, 10am-6pm Imitate Modern, W1G 6PN Baker Street

rio carnivAL AT GUANABARA

london riots revisted

The spirit of the Rio Carnival hits London for a week-long party of beauty, colour and flavour.

There’s live percussion bands, samba dance parades (Feb 8), masked party Bal De Masque (Feb 9), and a Domingueira Carnival (Feb 10) with a host of Brazilian bands and DJs alongside Brazilian street food and rum cocktails. Grande!

London’s summer of 2011 breakdown in social order stunned the world. The Met police’s handling of the death of Mark Duggan and the government’s austerity measures all copped some of the blame. Acclaimed news photographer Lewis Whyld’s photos take a look back at that fateful week.

£5+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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imitatemodern.com

Feb 7-12, Mon-Sat, 5pm-2.30am; Sun, 5pm-12am WC2B 5POW Holborn guanabara.co.uk

FREE

Until Feb 10, 11am-6pm Strand Gallery, WC2N 6BP Charing Cross thestrandgallery.com

bowl me over Those Feeling Gloomy loons have decided to mix ten-pin bowling (at Rowans Bowl), dating and drinking in honour of Cupid’s day of misery. So grab a brew, a ball and see if you can score a strike (or strike out!).

“Combining bowling and flirting never hurt anyone, just look at Fred Flintstone,” promoter Mike Toller says. £18

Feb 11, 7pm-11pm N4 2DF Finsbury Park bowlmeover.com

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How did they do that? Barry and Stuart tell you

barry and stuart: show and tell Highgate

”The most consistently original, creative and exciting force in British magic,” says Derren Brown of this duo, who specialise in thrillingly astonishing and grotesque illusions, and their own brand of none-blacker dark humour. If magic to you means catchphrase nonsense like Paul Daniels or Vegas razzamataz, think again. They then go all Penn and Teller in the second half of the show and explain how it’s all done. £14.95

Feb 7-9, 8pm Jackson’s Lane Theatre, N6 5AA

the space between This new exhibition features four photographers who go under the moniker The Lyric and the Ordinary – they take unique looks at the family unit based on personal experience. They each use the camera differently, too, to observe and capture the quieter moments we don’t see and the emotional beats at the heart of all our lives.

Photos: Tyler Shields

FREE

Until May 19, 10am-5.45pm VG&A, E2 9PA Bethnal Green museumofchildhood.org.uk

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Highgate

barryandstuart.com

sarah silverman The Emmy-winning US comedian of stand-up, eponymous TV show and wacky song video fame returns to make amends for a disappointing 2008 showing (45 mins for £50?!). She’s just completed a sold-out tour of Australia where she was unrelenting, so it’s safe to expect more of the same here. £25

Feb 9, 7pm The Bloomsbury, WC1H 0AH Euston Square thebloomsbury.com

01/02/2013 15:58:17

LONDONNEWS

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IT’S OPEN! THE VIEW FROM THE SHARD The observation deck on the Shard – the tallest building in the European Union – has opened.

Visitors to The View From The Shard are promised a spectacular 40-mile panoramic vista of the capital on clear days.

The opening on Friday, led by mayor Boris Johnson and architect Renzo Piano, also saw two successful marriage proposals take place to mark the occassion.

Standing at 310m tall, the Shard is part of a £2bn regeneration of the London Bridge area. The building has office space, apartments, and a hotel. Ticket prices are £24.95 for adults.

It will help improve the cleanliness of our streets and make our town more pleasant Merton councillor Mark Betteridge proposes strict laws to put bins out when people are asleep (5am) or at work (5pm)

#FIRED! HMV STAFF TAKE TO TWITTER A disgruntled HMV worker who live tweeted from the company’s official Twitter account during a mass sacking has been inundated with job offers.

Londoner Poppy Rose Cleere tweeted: “There are over 60 of us being fired at once! Mass execution, of loyal employees who love the brand,” from @hmvtweets.

The former social media planner told the Standard since admitting she was behind the tweets, work offers have flooded in.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

CIRCLE: No weekend service between

Moorgate and Hammersmith via King’s Cross.

DISTRICT: No weekend service between

West Kensington and Ealing Broadway to Richmond.

HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No weekend service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Barking.

NORTHERN: No weekend service

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Tributes to ‘wonderful man’ Kiwi tourist crushed to death by falling advertising hoarding Tributes have been paid to a New Zealand man who was killed by a falling sign in Camden while on a oncein-a-lifetime trip with his girlfriend.

Jacob Marx, 27, a solicitor, suffered a huge heart attack after the 30-foot metal advertising hoarding for betting company William Hill crushed him to death on a busy street last Monday.

Marx’s older brother David described him as “a wonderful person, a special part of our family, and a much loved friend and partner”, and thanked the emergency services in Camden: “It means a lot to us that, despite him being so far from home, people did their best to look after him.”

He added: “Losing him so quickly and so far away is very hard for us to come to

terms with. We thank everyone for the love and support we’ve received as we try to grapple with what has happened.”

Marx, from Gisborne, had been in London with girlfriend Natalie Chung since last September as part of a world trip, working before planning their next stop.

An investigation has been launched after witnesses claimed the hoarding had been loose for up to a month.

Abdul Hai, spokesman for Camden Council, said: “This is a tragic incident and our thoughts are with the victim’s family.

“Our health and safety and building control teams attended the scene immediately to take the necessary action to make sure there was no further danger to the public from the building.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Spectacular Chinese New Year celebrations are planned for the city on Sunday, February 10, marking the beginning of the Year of the Snake.

A parade goes from West End’s Chinatown to Trafalgar Square from 10am, before officials bring the dragons and lions to life with the ‘Dotting of the Eye’ ceremony at 12pm.

Live entertainment (1pm-5.30pm) is headlined by Hong Kong singer Emmy The Great with appearances also from Chen Brothers Flying Lion Dance, Britain’s Got Talent series one winner Paul Potts and traditional Chinese performers from the Guangdong and Sichuan Provinces.

For more information on the parade, performances and other Chinese New Year activities, visit chinatownlondon.org.

Dragons lead the parade

Photos: Getty

between Archway, High Barnet and Mill Hill East. Rail replacement buses operate.

World trip: Marx with Chung

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01/02/2013 12:47:41

Prom date: smooch like a teenage dream in 10 Things I Hate About You at The Book Club

Valentine’s sorted Whether you’re half of a loved-up couple, single and soooo ready to mingle or sworn off romance, we’ve got you covered Words alasdair morton Like it or not, Valentine’s Day is upon us, so the pressure is on to either snag a date for the night or get one’s shit together sufficiently to impress – or at least not disappoint – that special someone. Either way, you need to make plans. Lucky for you, we’ve done all the legwork, scouring the city to find the best ways to either indulge in the day of the love saint or stick a rose’s thorn in the whole concept.

There’s something for singles and couples at The Book Club in east London, which is going all out to recreate the full-on American teen movie romance experience with its tongue-in-cheek Teen Dreams Prom.

“There won’t be any roses, violin players, awkward silences or seriousness,” The Book Club’s event manager Rose Payne explains of the prom movie-inspired party. “We celebrate and take the mickey out of all the romantic clichés you usually find in teen movies, and go back to the days when teen lust ruled our lives. Most importantly, it will be a chance to laugh someone into bed.”

There will be ice-breaking games to get the party started, a ‘seven minutes 8

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in heaven experience’, a ‘this one time at band camp’ story competition and, of course, the crowning of the Prom King and Queen.

High school movie clichés from Eighties classics to more contemporary offerings will be honoured and homaged, and joyously torn apart.

“Footloose has got to be pretty high up on the [prom movie] list,” Payne says, recalling Kevin Bacon’s so-campits-hilarious Fifties-set dance ‘drama’.

“And 10 Things I Hate About You features the wonderful Mr Heath Ledger, but the inimitable Molly Ringwald of Pretty In Pink will always be the queen of prom movies for us.”

Valentine’s Day puts a lot of pressure on couples to be romantic, and reminds the singles out there that they’re solo, but it needn’t be that way. Indeed, there are offbeat events out there for both the proudly single and those couples keen to shirk V-Day expectations. Take for example The School of Life’s ’How Necessary Is A Relationship?’ class, which considers whether couples are old hat and being single really is the way of the future.

“It explores the advantages and

disadvantages of the single life and being in a committed relationship,” class leader, writer and counsellor David Waters tells us of the social norms we all adhere to, but perhaps think about too little.

“It doesn’t propose that either is preferable but is an opportunity to ask new kinds of questions about our hopes and wishes around love and uses culture, psychology, philosophy and history to explore this.”

So whether you’re looking for love, or want a big night out with mates in defiance of February 14, or are happily loved up and fancy going out and showing everyone just how much with some gratuitous PDAs, London’s the most romantic place to be this Valentine’s Day – or the best spot to subvert the whole shebang with likeminded others. Read on for the proof.

MORE VALENTINE’S DAY EVENTS ›› Teen Dream Prom. Feb 14. £5.

EC2A 4RH Old Street wearetbc.com How Necessary Is A Relationship? Feb 14. £35, inc. buffet and drinks. The School Russell Square of Life, WC1N 1AB theschooloflife.com

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the crooked well chocolate menu camberwell

london eye south bank

Feb 14, 6.30pm-12am 16 Grove Lane, SE5 8SY Denmark Hill thecrookedwell.com

shaggers: valentine’s special leicester square Love-making mishaps are the focus of this stand-up comedy show at Leicester Square Theatre, with the talent, including Sameena Zehra (above), delving into innuendo-laden stories of how it’s gone wrong for them between the sheets with all sorts of incidents, accidents and injuries. Be prepared, though, as this is one comedy gig where you’ll want to be an audience member only and not regaling everyone with that time you’ve tried your best to forget. £10

Feb 14, 9pm WC2H 7BX

Leicester Square

It’s A man’s world chelsea This southwest London boozer is a cut above, and marks V-day with a manly concoction of beers and pool, with nononsense grub such as mini burgers, fish and chips and sausage rolls. £10

twister and cocktails at anise the city Embrace your singleton status this Valentine’s Day with a cocktail-infused night of unabashed contortion and flirting. Along with other singles, games of Twister will be played at this sultry bar adjoining Indian eatery Cinnamon Kitchen (just off Bishopsgate, near Liverpool Street), the winners bagging themselves free drinks in to the bargain. It’s basically a great way to get pissed, and up close and personal with other available, sexy and boozed up strangers. Hell, everybody’s Valentine’s Day should be about that!

You can keep it simple and cosy with a three-course dinner and a romantic film at the Roxy’s bar and cinema, with the charming Once or classic Casablanca (pictured, above left) as your choices of cinematic accompaniment.

Feb 14, 4pm-11pm Anise, EC2M 4YL Liverpool Street cinnamon-kitchen.com/anise

Feb 14, 5pm Roxy Bar and Screen, SE1 1LB Borough roxybarandscreen.com

FREE

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Cheesy cliché it may be, but the London Eye is one of London’s busiest attractions for a reason – it’s downright ace.

Offering a fun and panorama-filled way to share a kiss on Valentine’s Day, you can opt for the champagne and canapes experience, or hire out a ‘Cupid’s capsule’ all of your own for a little ‘private’ time to do with as you please.

Remember, though – you’re on camera! £35+

£5+ This 2013 Michelin Pub Guide-featured drinkery has a special choccy-themed menu – tuna with cacao pesto; chicken liver parfait with dark chocolate port wine sauce; confit of duck with white chocolate mash … you get the picture. Surely enough aphrodisiac to get you and that special someone going.

Feb 14, 12pm-3.30pm; 6pm-10.30pm The Cadogan Arms, SW3 5UG South Kensington thecadoganarmschelsea.com

dinner and a movie london bridge £35

Times and dates vary SE1 7PB Waterloo londoneye.com

leicestersquaretheatre.com

Hidden city: cupid’s conundrums west london The Hidden City folk specialise in cryptic clue-based mini adventures, where you need to solve the mystery and discover the city at the same time. This Valentine’s Day experience illuminates the capital’s romantic side – you’ll discover parts of the city, and of yourself, that you didn’t know existed before! £16

Feb14-24, Mon-Sat, 12pm-4pm; Sun, 12pm-3.30pm Vinoteca Wine Bar, W1H 5BD Marble Arch inthehiddencity.com

bubbles not blokes the city Anything the blokes can do, the lasses can do with more panache, such as this girls’ night out, with a free bottle of rosé. £15+

Feb 14, 12pm-11pm The Grill On The Market, EC1A 9JX Barbican blackhouse.co.uk

the saint valentine’s day murder vauxhall No, not a new, post-modern life-claiming activity for V-Day 2013 as devised by some devious, devilish hipster, but a new comedymystery theatre production.

A speed dating event goes horribly wrong for one love-hunter when someone offs them – who is the culprit? Who’s next? And will any of them ever find love again? A comic spin on dating dangers. £10

Feb 14, 15 & 16, 8pm Lost Theatre, SW8 2JU Stockwell losttheatre.co.uk

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01/02/2013 12:52:27

kinky mercer street hotel covent garden

evening with the stars greenwich

In the heart of Covent Garden’s Seven Dials sits this ultracool hotel, which has some extra special packages to surprise your partner with this Valentine’s Day. The crafty bunch have teamed up with adult lingerie outfit Coco de Mer to design a sleek and sexy room to share for the night and a box of their ‘bestsellers’ to keep you busy, too.

Breakfast included.

A night at the Royal Observatory Greenwich’s planetarium (below) promises a romantic night of looking up at the stars. You and your partner can first gaze at the wonder of the universe above through the giant 28-inch telescope, and then in to each other’s love-filled eyes.

They even throw in a glass of bubbly and a red rose for each couple, too.

£138+

Feb 4, times TBC WC2H 9HD Covent Garden radissonblu-edwardian.com

£28

down with dating islington Those fabulous folk at Feeling Gloomy have an action-packed night in store for those romance skeptics (or dumped, as they’re usually known) out there.

There’s Speed Hating (speed dating where you bitch about what you hate in the world) and Blind Hate, too. The cynical with the cynical, and lots of beer, and arsing around. The Gloomy guys say: “You might even find love, or at least someone to moan at for the rest of your life.” Sigh ... £10

Feb 8, 7pm-10pm The Phoenix, W1 0PP

Oxford Circus

museum of london: Valentine @ late central london

belle epoque: a ball for lovers and haters north london Free your inhibitions and urges under a masquerade mask at this special Valentine’s Day circus evening of fantasy and flirtation (above). The Grand Hall is transformed into a big top, with whipbrandishing ringmasters, aerial and trapeze artists and dancers galore. Dress code is strict, with the ladies encouraged to get creative as a damsel in distress or sultry seductress.

Photos: Getty; Helen Cathcart

£20

Feb 16, 8pm-2am The Grand Hall, Euston Road, WC1H 9JE King’s Cross belleepoqueparty.com

A Twenties twist is £7 added to this annual Valentine’s night, with swing dancing, absinthe tasting (eek) and more.

Feb 14, 7pm-10pm EC2Y 5HN Barbican museumoflondon.org.uk

feelinggloomy.com

lobster love west london Barbecue and crabshack Big Easy brings out the lobster for Cupid’s day, with chips, salad and booze, too. You can even win this evening’s dinner menu for two by sharing how you and your other half met. The best story wins! £29.95+

anti v-day movie night and market london bridge

Feb 14, 12pm-11pm SW3 5UR Sloane Square bigeasy.co.uk

Bea’s of Bloomsbury at Maltby Street creates some anti-romance, screening Mike Myers’ So I Married An Axe Murderer and serving up a caloriepacked comfort feast of American-style chili cheese dogs and spicy chilli and mushroom mac ’n’ cheese.

There’ll be locally sourced beers and wines, too.

bedtime stories east london

£5.50

Feb 14, from 6.30pm SE1 3PD Bermondsey beasofbloomsbury.com

Feb 14, 5.30pm-6.30pm & 7.10pm-8.10pm SE10 9NF Cutty Sark rmg.co.uk

itchy feet dance academy east london

The regular PJs, cocktails and stories night (right) honours this romantic day with a theme of Tales Of Love, Lust And Longing, which covers whether you’re loved up or up for it.

This travelling party will help you forget the predictable, forced displays of love (the cards, chocolates and bloody roses) with a dance night that has classes, competitions with prizes, a pizza buffet to keep your energy levels up, cocktails and a giant dressing up box so you can get really silly once you’re pissed. Of course, there’s discounted tickets for couples.

Feb 12-18, times vary 40 Winks, E1 4UJ Stepney Green 40winks.org

Feb 14, 7.30pm-1am Concrete, E1 6JJ Shoreditch High Street concretespace.co.uk

£30

£14

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LONDONDRINKS

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STAPLETON TAVERN BAR

In this corner of north London, where Crouch Hill meets Stroud Green Road, competition among local boozers is oh-so stiff. We reckon The Stapleton is definitely a front runner. Not pretentious or smart enough for a gastro-pub, but a few notches up from your typical old-man watering hole, the decor gives it heaps of character. A quirky assortment of ornaments and candle-lit tables make the enormous main hall feel much more cosy than it would otherwise. There’s a great mix of seating – a combo of battered leather sofas and long wooden picnic-style tables mean it works as a date venue or a place to catch up with a bunch of mates.

It’s really a place to go and chat while you drink, as the atmosphere is relaxed and low-key, even when the football’s on.

THE GRUB Sunday roasts and a few other mains, but you’re best off sharing snacks – mackerel pate with a horseradish mayo is eye-wateringly good. Avoid the so-so cheese plate, as there’s little variety.

THE SCENE

A selection of real ales on tap (you’ll be asked whether you want yours in a tankard or pint glass) and a decent wine list.

BILL PLEASE Glasses of wine from £2.70 and pints of beer from £3.50.

VERDICT If you live in the area, you couldn’t do better than making this easy-going spot your local boozer. HELEN ELFER BEHIND THE BAR

2-4 Crouch Hill, N4 4AU

stapletontavern.com

HOT COCKTAILS

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Finsbury Park

QUEEN OF HOXTON

PINCHITOTAPAS

SHOREDITCH GRIND

Back for another winter, the Queen of Hoxton’s WigWamBam! on the rooftop has cosy fairy lights and a fire pit where you can warm up with a hot toddy, alcoholic hot chocolate or hot buttered rum from £7.50.

Try this City tapas bar for a toasty orange and berry blazer – rum, raspberries, blackberries and orange oils cooked in an alcohol fire – or a coffee caleta blazer, made with brandy, cinnamon and lemon peel, both at £8.50.

A coffee place by day, the Grind becomes a cool cocktail joint by night, serving a range of hot, boozy blends from £7. Grab a hot flat white Russian – Araku, chocolate powder and warm milk. Mmm.

queenofhoxton.com

pinchito.co.uk

shoreditchgrind.com

Photos: Thinkstock

3 OF THE BEST

Local: top notch yet unpretentious

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BITE SIZE

Market to plate: Roast lives up to its lofty Borough location

CHINESE TREATS Celebrate Chinese New Year this week with Opium’s feast of food, cocktails and mystical treats. From Thursday ‘til Saturday, this Chinatown dim sum and cocktail parlour ushers in the Year of the Snake with its luxury fare (think mushroom and truffle dumplings) and seasonal drinks infused with Oriental herbs, plus entertainment in the form of astrology readings, illusion and mind-magic, and even a new year snake show (shudder). On Saturday, there’ll be an all-day bash from noon until midnight. There’s a cover charge of £10 on each day of the celebrations. opiumchinatown.com

ROAST BRITISH

brand new brunch Sick of queuing outside The Breakfast Club? Well now there’s a new brunch coming to town that’s got us a bit excited. Apero, a great little hideaway in the Ampersand hotel in South Kensington, is now serving up classy takes on trad brunch dishes, such as steak and eggs (£14.50), between 12pm and 2.30pm at weekends. They blend some brilliant in-house cocktails too (try the Italian mimosa with limoncello and prosecco). ampersandhotel.com

Photos: Thinkstock

win wine!

Fancy some free wine? Who doesn’t!

Spitalfields’ specialist Italian wine bar Super Tuscan is launching a weekly Wednesday wine challenge from February 13, where a wine tasting test based around a flight of four wines could win you another flight of four absolutely free. Nice. Tickets are £15pp and should be booked in advance from the bar. From 6pm-7.45pm.

A certain level of expectation comes with being the flagship restaurant lording over an iconic market such as Borough. Diners are right to demand fresh, seasonal and simple fare, with enough flair to justify the trip out in the cold and the decent but not cheap price tag. Roast lives up to that and then some. This classy greenhouse-like structure above the foodie-stall complex should be the first stop for anyone keen to see what British food can be. And it needs no bells and whistles to do it, just a concise in-season menu and wait staff who are passionate about what’s on it. Added atmosphere comes from the inoffensive and high quality singer/piano combo in the cocktail bar which permeates through to the dining area.

The grub The care this kitchen takes to respect its produce – based on their dainty yet deceptively generous starters – made this Aussie want to sing God Save The Queen, but luckily my date was spared that abomination by a full mouth. My rich Yorkshire Dales pigeon with chanterelles and hedgerow garlic was bold and balanced, while the thin layer of liberally smoked Loch Etive sea trout with capers and rye bread packed a delicate punch. The mains had some living up to do, and delivered. My companion’s blushing Kingairloch red deer was expertly matched with salsify and sour cherries, while my hunk of impeccably handled pork belly was sticky, sweet and the right kind of fatty, offset with tart Bramley apple sauce and a mountain of creamy mash I failed to conquer. Well, I could have, but had my eye on a warm mulled wine poached pear with stem ginger ice-cream, which were more impressive individually than they were together. My companion’s sticky date pudding was a light re-telling of the classic on a toffee sauce with cooling créme fraîche. Superb.

THE SCENE

Beers: three Meantimes and Roast’s own for £5.50; wine: list matches the menu from £4.80/ £20 per glass/ bottle; seasonal and classic cocktails from £11.

Bill please Starters from £7.75; mains from £15.75; puddings from £6.75. verdict Seasonal, classy and could be pricier. Indeed, the best of British. michael gadd Behind the bar

supertuscan.co.uk The Floral Hall, Stoney Street, SE1 1TL

roast-restaurant.com

London Bridge

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Bleary eyes: already stretched Tubes to run until 2am in 2015

Text TNT and your message to

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Nice work from becks to give his psg money to a kid’s charity, but rooney’s been giving his to the elderly for years

Adrian

Dating site? No way. I’m old fashioned – alcohol and poor judgement!

Beatriz

north korea’s got sky sports to watch the premier league – i hope he doesn’t get his red buttons mixed up

Amy

Ron jeremy in hospital – I’m sure i’ve seen that one on redtube

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finally found something more painful than having a child and nearly lasts as long – an eight-month election campaign in oz

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becks and posh to star in a new reality show – an idiot, a broad

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jeremy kyle was so taken aback by his cancer diagnosis that i hear he made the doctor take a lie detector test

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Got dumped for watching too much football. like a free transfer, right?

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watching the geale fight I said there’d be nothing worse than an uppercut from him. mate said a hook from a pirate would be

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Re: Boxer Anthony Mundine’s threat to boycott Advance Australia Fair (tntmagazine.com): Mundine showed he knows a lot about Australian history. There is an embarrassingly large number of prattling imbeciles involved in Australian sport, but Mundine, one of the few intelligent and well-read athletes, is not one of them.

‘Morrissey’, via tntmagazine.com

CHOC MUNDANE

Re: Anthony Mundine’s loss to Daniel Geale (tntmagazine.com): I’m so bloody sick of Mundine. He loses a fight fair and square to a fellow Indigenous Australian, then just walks out. He wants to talk about disrespect, he should look in the mirror. He’s a deadset disgrace and undermines any good things he tries to do with childish behaviour.

Adrian Murphy, via email

SOVIET TRIBUTE

Re: Top 5 war monuments (TNT 1535): Impressive list but with one major omission – Brest Fortress, or Hero Fortress, an amazing memorial in Belarus. It’s one of those places that words cannot ever truly do justice to, such is the monumental scale of the edifice.

Paul Griffin, via tntmagazine.com

JOLLY JAMAICANS

Re: Controversial VW Super Bowl advert deemed racist for “portraying Jamaicans as relentlessly jolly” (tntmagazine.com): I think most nations would be thrilled to bits to know that they were stereotyped as a “happy nation”! I suspect the people who found it offensive were from notso-happy nations!

Clint Heine, via Facebook DYSTOPIAN MACBETH /28 LAS VEGAS /62

Re: Tube’s plans to run to 2am on weekends from 2015 (tntmagazine.com): Upgrades are planned to improve the District, Circle, Metropolitan and Hammersmith & City lines – I can’t catch the District line to work anymore it is so useless!

I walk an extra 4.5 miles a day to avoid it! Would love for the Tube to run later, but would also like the current performance to improve before adding additional stress to it.

Cherry Daiquiri, via Facebook Cherry wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

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Tweet us @tntmagazine @FallenAngel2106 Poor Ronnie. Nice chap, despite what people might think of his profession @dean24us Re: Chinese man sells cans of fresh air to smoghit Beijingers: Space Balls was decades ahead of its time @emilie70 Re: Romanians to Brits re immigrants: Come and live in Romania – Touché!

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01/02/2013 16:27:05

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01/02/2013 16:27:13

LONDONSOUND

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Jammin’: US band Brad features Pearl Jam’s guitarist Stone Gossard and a bunch of his super-talented mates

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD My Bloody Valentine’s Kevin Shields said last week at a low-key London show the band’s new album, their first in 20 years, may be out within days.

It wasn’t, but huge anticipation for it means it will have to be nothing short of perfect to succeed. Shields’ band released one of the most critically lauded, revered albums of all time, their seminal 1991 monolith Loveless. They then disappeared, Shields popping up here and there, most noticeably penning new music for filmmaker Sofia Coppola’s Lost In Translation. Speculation has circulated for years as to when/if a new MBV album would appear, but with a March tour booked, it can’t be far off.

Yet, as Axl Rose knows – and his 17 years in the making Chinese Democracy showed – expectation is hard to manage.

We hope Shields and co’s new offering is as earth-and-mind-shattering as we want, expect and need it to be. Legacy is tough to build, but too easy to destroy.

BRAD Islington Academy, N1 0PS SUN, FEB 10 | DOORS AT 7PM | £30

Brad are one of the most underrated ‘other projects’ out there. Guitarist and founding member Stone Gossard – who plays in another little-known band called Pearl Jam, too – has been working quietly with the Brad boys for 20 years, and this low-key London show is a rare chance to catch them live.

Brad’s debut, Shame, struck in 1993, and laid the template for their soulful, alt-rock, propelled by Gossard’s driving guitars and moreover, Shawn Smith’s velvet-smooth vocals. The band were drawn from musicans who were friends who’d been playing together a long time before this official release, and their familiarity and laid-back approach infused their debut’s raw, earthy focus. Followup Interiors four years later demonstrated a considerably more polished approach and Welcome To Discovery Park in 2002 melded these both, before a semi-hiatus around album number four, Best Friends?, saw a period in which touring members joined and founders were occupied by other projects.

Their fifth and latest, United We Stand, out at the end of last year, shows the fire still burns bright in their belly, though. Laden with rock numbers that stir the soul, it is a less forthright affair than Gossard’s ‘other’ band, but no less moving.

Stand out tracks such as A Reason To Be In My Skin, as Smith sings, “Your soul is beautiful, your heart shines bright, your touch is electric,” are instant Brad classics.

It’s the strength of the songwriting and their too-little-heard back catalogue that makes this a must-see show for Brad, PJ and rock fans alike.

Angel

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o2academyislington.co.uk

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01/02/2013 14:25:34

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nick cave

NEW BAND

GIG sun, feb 10. 7pm £49.50

Aussie superstar and occasional movie maker and score writer Nick Cave brings his Bad Seeds and their 15th album, Push The Sky Away, out to Europe on tour, along with a string accompaniment and a choir. There will also be a screening of a short film about the making of his latest long-player.

Photos: Ray Lego; Nigel Treblin

Her Majesty’s Theatre 57 Haymarket, SW1Y 4QL Piccadilly Circus hermajestystheatre.org

rude photo: felix da housecat

radio

CLUB

CLUB

fri, feb 8. 10pm-7am £15+

thurs, feb 7. 10pm-3am £5

Chicago-based DJ, producer and all round house-legend, Felix DA Housecat, who’s toured the clubs and stages of the world, headlines this latest installment in the Rude Photo series, his quarterly residence in north London. D Ramirez, Eagles and Butterflies and Shane Keogh line up behind him in room one, with loads more.

Eighties-pop, disco-pop, indie-pop, pure-pop, pretty much pop music, in all its forms, guises and mutations – that’s what you can expect at this weekly party. There’s two-for-one drink offers, and half-price cocktail pitchers to make sure you’ll be throwing nothing but the very finest shapes across the dance floor.

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

The Roxy 3 Rathbone Place, W1P 1DA Oxford Circus theroxy.co.uk

plan b

dented melons: guido schneider

the correspondents

GIG

CLUB

GIG

sat, feb 9. 7pm £30

sat, feb 9. 10pm-6am £15+

fri, feb 8. 10pm £8

The multi-talented Plan B plays this mega-show at The O2. He’s got two stellar albums under his belt – Who Needs Actions When You’ve Got Words and The Defamation Of Strickland Banks – wrote and directed his own movie, Ill Manors and its soundtrack, and starred opposite Ray Winston in The Sweeney. Talented bastard.

The German techno heavyweight and worldtouring legend, Guido Schneider, is the ultraspecial guest at Dented Melons’ party in the Victorian Vaults in east London. Support on the night comes from fellow German Sebastian Radlmeier and Nic & Kaleb, for this night of forward-thinking and classic tech-sounds.

Duo Mr Bruce and Chucks throw just about as many different genres and influences into the mix (dubstep, hip-hop, electro, indie, disco ... the list goes on) as you can take in. Combined with their furious live shows, they’ve made a name for themselves, and they’ve a new single, Well Measured Vice, in tow for this launch party.

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

Victorian Vaults 82 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3JF residentadvisor.net

Bussey Building 133 Rye Lane, SE15 4ST Peckham Rye residentadvisor.net

the virginmarys The buzz so far This punk ‘n’ rock ‘n’ roll trio are purveyors of the sort of furious, raucous riffs and adrenaline-led tunes that are built for playing live to shred the mosh pit. Think The Living End, Jet and grungier riffs of the Melvins, and you’re on the right track. They’ve won fans in the shape of Slash, Ash and The Eagles of Death Metal, who’ve all invited them on tour as support. Going places.

The Critics say “Channeling the pure rock grooves of Zeppelin. Tight, explosive and wired” Kerrang! the plug Debut album King Of Conflict is out now through Double Cross. They play Barfly March 6. £8.50 NW1 8AN Chalk Farm thevirginmarys.com

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01/02/2013 14:25:41

CLUBLISTINGS

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Monday 4 Anthem Resident DJs play punk, rock, indie, emo and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, w/ flyer £3, guestlist £2, £1 before 11pm.

SATURDAY 9 Defected In The House Nick Curly, Tensnake, Simon Dunmore, Franky, Rizardo, Tuccillo and Sam Divine spin house and dance. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10pm-7am. Adv £20.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor and guests provide disco, dance, funky house, R‘n’B and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3.50, NUS £2.50.

Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam play pop, dance and carnival classics.

Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033).

8pm-late. £5 after 8pm.

Service Industry Night Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey provide R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

Tuesday 5 Desire DJs Steven Geller, Bruno Nouer and Sven Jon spin house and electro records.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 3am-11am. £8, w/flyer £6.

Pacha Rocks Resident DJs play house, electro, dubstep, chart, R‘n’B and hip-hop with a neon glow rave. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm-3am. £5.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, guestlist w/flyer free before 10.30pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus supply electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs £4.

Wednesday 6 Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083).

Midnight-6am. £10.

Creamed Corn DJs Crewdson, Ju Wilder and Livid play electronica and hip-hop. Catch, Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA (020 7729 6097). 8pm-midnight. £5.

Factory Afterparty Resident DJs play house, nu-disco, electro and techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 1am-8am. £6, w/flyer/mems £4.

Kids Dan Market spins house, techno, hip-hop and rock, with live performances from Twizzle and Seye. St Moritz, Wardour St, W1F 8WL (020 7437 0525). 9pm-2am. £5.

Musical Bingo DJs Rapture, Stocky and Jonny Unknown play pop and indie, plus bingo.

House Of Wolf, Upper St, N1 1RQ (020 7704 1070). 7pm-11pm. £7.

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Dented Melons DJs Guido Schneider, Sebastian Radlmeier, Nic And Kaleb, LoPe and J Nelson play house and techno.

The Victorian Vaults, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3JF (07931 936333).

10pm-7am. Adv £15.

LWE presents Closer: Chris Liebing Shoreditch Warehouse. Feb 23. £17.50+ German techno genius Chris Liebing plays an up-close-and-personal monster six-hour set for this LWE mega party, with support from Nick & Jack.

TBC

Shoreditch

londonwarehouseevents.co.uk

Volcano Life Arts Management Presents Fire Burst Soul, funk, indie and hip-hop courtesy of Jamm Tyme and Cap’jors, comedy from Junior Booker and Darius Davies, plus live bands, poetry, theatre, fashion and visual art. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

7pm-2am, £7, adv £5.

Thursday 7 Cheapskates Resident DJs and guests supply indie, electro and old-school vibes. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. W/ flyer £5.

Detente Resident DJs spin jazz, soul and psychedelic music from the 1950s to the 1970s. The Player, Broadwick St, W1F 8HN (020 7494 9125).

8pm-2am. £5, £3 before 10.30pm.

Late Lunch DJs Eliphino, Lokiboi and Tim Hinson play house and bass music. The Bussey Building/ CLF Art Cafe, Rye Ln, SE15 4ST (020 7732 5275). 10pm-late. £5, £2 before 11pm.

Thirsty Thursday DJ Aiden spins funky house and disco. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm.

Thursday Resident DJs play house, chart, disco, drum ‘n’ bass, dubstep, pop and R‘n’B. TR Bar & Club, Trafalgar Rd, SE10 9ER (07412 539187). 5pm-1am. £5, NUS £3.

Traumatik Ollie Gibson, Robert Charles, Adam Banks and Danny Lawson spin house. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

9pm-3am. Guestlist £5.

Friday 8 Fabriclive DJs Mark Ronson, Jack Beats and Proxy spin electro and house in room one, while DJ Marky, Marcus Intalex, Total Science and Logistics mix drum ‘n’ bass in room two. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-6am. Adv £22 inc CD, £18, adv £17, fabricfirst £13, NUS £10, £8 after 3pm.

Fortay: The Launch Party (Over 21s) DJs Hector Couto, Dale Howard, Dan Styles, Real Connoisseur, Face, Jaim and George Peck spin underground house music.

Relay, Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am.

Adv £12.50, early bird £10.

Friction Presents Drum ‘n’ bass and jungle courtesy of DJs Friction, Goldie, Dub Phizix, Rockwell and Bringa, plus MCs SP:MC, GQ, Strategy and Linguistics. Secret Location, E1. 10pm-6am. Adv £15, see www. residentadvisor.net/event. aspx?431093 for details.

The Gallery Future Heroes House and dance courtesy of Nicky Romero, Danny Howard, Ali Wilson, Pete Gooding, Gavyn Mytchel, Lee Nazari, Lenny Raveney, Spinning Quickly and House2House.

The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £16, mems £14.

Loud Noise Presents Garage, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass courtesy of Zed Bias, Bok Bok, Route 94, New York Transit Authority, Paleman, Chunky, Barely Legal, Jack Swift, Kai Marley, Pineal, Crown Duels, Chubba, Decka Sound, Wiggs and Sepia across two rooms, with MCs Chunky, Prof D and Milo. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. Queue jump £22, adv £12, NUS/mems £10.

Olivier Garth The Londonbased DJ and producer plays house and techno. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Rude Photo Felix Da Housecat spins house, techno and electro, with D. Ramirez, Eagles And Butterflies, Shane Keogh, Roger Potterfield, Christian Nash, Filthy French, Paul Welford, Dan Hobden, Neil Bowles, Lee Novell, Bottom Bunk, Charlie Boy, Kevan Best, Menendez Brothers and Wesley Pitters. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-7am. £15, mems/NUS £13, adv £10.

Distortion- In The Dam Reunion Drum ‘n’ bass and jungle across three rooms courtesy of DJs Hype, TC, G Dub, Sigma, Mampi Swift, Grooverider, Modified Motion, Majistrate, Annix, DJ Ollie, Kenny Ken, Serial Killaz, Nicky Blackmarket, Serum, Uncle Dugs, DJ S.O, J Cutter, Zesta, Wizzbee and Substance, plus MCs Skibadee, Eksman, IC3 and Harry Shotta.

The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). 10pm-7am. £20, NUS £17.50, early bird £15.

Fabric DJs Craig Richards, Lil’ Louis, Nathan Coles, Terry Francis, Eddie Richards, Steffi and Virginia spin house and techno across three rooms, plus live performances from Wbeeza and Tigerskin. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm8am. Adv £24 inc CD, £20, adv £19, NUS/mems £14, £10 after 4am.

Mellophonik Resident DJs and guests play house, electro and dance. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

A Night With... A Guy Called Gerald The Mancunian DJ and producer spins acid house, techno and electronica. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 10pm-6am. Adv £15.

Philosophy Mark Radford and KlevaKeys spin techno and house, with resident support from Deejay NG, Whispa and Justin James. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ (020 7820 6613).

10pm-late. £10, £5 before 1am.

Renegade Hardware 18th Birthday Drum ‘n’ bass and dance courtesy of Audio, Inside Info, Maztek, Cold Fusion, Chris SU, Mindscape, Neonlight, C4C, Chris Renegade, Memtrix, Cern, Ant TC1, Foreign Concept, Xtrah, Adi J, Disphonia, Stealth, Stylus, Loxy, Amit, Skeptical, Double-O, Mantra, Skitty, Threshold, Ruffhouse, Overlook, Clarity, Kyrist, Jayce, Colin Dale, Chris Intaface, Shinobi and Jessi G across three rooms.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am.

Queue jump £25, £20, NUS £18, adv £15, mems/early bird £12.

Saturdays Resident DJs spin R‘n’B, funky house and dance classics.

Anaya, Swallow St, W1B 4DE (020 7734 9116). 10pm-4am. £20, free to first 60 ladies before 11pm.

Use Your Third Ear #1 DJs Rolando, Morphosis, Miles, El Prevost and Alex Downey play Detroit techno and electronica.

Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10.30pm6am. £15, early bird £10.

@tntmagazine

Zombie Soundsystem Presents My Bloody Valentine Pig & Dan, Acid Pauli, Einzelkind, Nekes and Shane Watcha spin house and techno.

Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 10pm-7am. £10-£20.

Sunday 10 Definition DJs Mark Radford, Lee Edwards, Dominique Danielle, Carlos Aries and DJ S.e.f play house and minimal. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. gents £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight.

Hi-Fi Drum ‘n’ bass and electronica courtesy of Jumping Jack Frost, Bryan Gee, Chris Interface, Jordan V and MC Moose in the basement and Dego, Mark Force, Sophie Callis and Marcia Carr in the Lounge. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm3am. £8, £5 before 11pm, ladies free.

Horse Meat Disco Resident DJs spin dance, house and disco.

Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 8pm-3am. £6.

Later D’Johnny, Paul Martin, The Oli, The Sharp Boys and Jamie Head spin house music.

Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 11.30am-8pm. £6.

Musicology House, dance and techno courtesy of resident DJs. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Oi DJs Naughty, Pioneer, Mike Delinquent, Funkystepz and Mighty Moe spin garage, deep house and bass music. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 8pm-2am.

Adv £8, early bird £6.

Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and techhouse in room two. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 10pmlate. £12, £10, w/flyer £5 before 1am.

Pause Resident DJs spin house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10.

Retouch DJ Johnny Fiore and resident DJs play house music.

The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774).

9pm-late. £6, guest list £5.

Wet Yourself! Saoirse, Shane Linehan, Peter Pixzel, Cormac and Jacob Husley spin electro, techno and house. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £12, adv/NUS/mems £7, early birds £5.

Worldbeat Presents A Pre Valentine’s Lovers Rock Affair Peter Spence, Frederica Tibbs, Helen Rogers, Robbie Valentine and Andrew Sloley play lovers rock and reggae. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). 8pm-late. £10, adv £6 & £8.

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 15:10:15

WAITANGI February 6

5 PM TILL MIDNIGHT Free Feijoa & Apple Cocktails

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FREE TICKETS - DJ Entertainment & Live Music - Pre-register at tntmagazine.com/waitangi to receive a free Feijoa & Apple Cocktail on arrival (before 7pm) - Great deals on Kiwi beer, Kiwi Wine and Kiwi Shots!!

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TICKETS TO BILBAO BBK LIVE TNT and Bilbao BBK Live festival have teamed up to give two lucky readers a pair of tickets to the rock ‘n’ roll extravaganza in Spain.

Boasting an incredible line-up that includes the likes of Kings of Leon, Green Day, Depeche Mode, Fatboy Slim, Biffy Clyro and Alt-J, to name just a few, Bilbao BBK Live has established itself as the perfect accompaniment to Pamps!

Plus, the late start time for bands and the festival’s proximity to the city and beach allows you to make the most of your time in Bilbao; a modern city famous for its architecture, museums and gastronomy, and just

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PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1531: TICKETS TO SEE STOMP: Jo Failes

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

01/02/2013 16:31:50

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MUSICLISTINGS

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Django Bates’ Beloved The pianist and sorting musicians, Petter Eldh and Peter Bruun play originals from the album Confirmation plus interpretations of pieces by Charlie Parker. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8AZ (020 7254 4097). £17.

Monday 4 Alpha Earth Light The guitar and drums duo from London plays hard rock. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £5.

BOOK NOW!

Catrinas, The Outfits, Rainmaker, Dharma Sunset Alternative rock by the Colchester-based quartet.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, adv/concs £4.50.

Rolf Harris The eccentric folk and rock musician and artist from Australia, known for playing instruments such as the wobble board and didgeridoo, performs his hits including Tie Me Kangaroo Down and Two Little Boys.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £25-£55, concs £12.50-£22.50.

Korpiklaani, Metastoll Folk-metal by the six-piece band who originate from Finland. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). Adv £15.

NME Awards Shows 2013: Dinosaur Jr Singer and guitarist J Mascis leads the founding line-up of the veteran American three-piece as it plays alternative rock from its album I Bet On Sky. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £20.60.

Praed, Stephane Rives, Sharif Sehnaoui, Roger Turner Experimental music by the Swiss/Lebanese duo of Raed Yassin on bass, lap-top, tools and electronics and Paed Conca on bass, clarinet and electronics. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £8, adv £7.

Ruby Turner The ex-Culture Club member sings soul numbers. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). Also Tue-Thu. £30-£45.

Sophia Wilmot-Josife Pop singer-songwriter from London. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £5.

Tuesday 5 Dru Blu, Young Spray, Young Mad B, Marhsall Mcfly, Young ‘Dutty’ Rem The South London-based producer and DJ performs rap and hip-hop from his album This Is Don Strapzy. Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888). Guestlist £5.

The Boy Least Likely To Indie-pop and twee pop by the Wendoverbased duo of multi-instrumentalist Pete Hobbs and singer Jof Owen.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £12.

NME Awards Shows 2013: Gabriel Bruce The London-based singersongwriter plays dark, folkinfluenced alternative rock. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £9.10.

NME Awards Shows 2013: Delphic The quartet plays electronic rock with elements of alternative dance and dream pop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £15.60.

Left Boy The New York and Vienna-based producer and singersongwriter fuses electro, hip-hop, grime and rap. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £12.

Rita Ora The Yugoslavia-born, London-based pop singer performs R‘n’B and dance-pop from her debut album Ora, including the hits How We Do and Hot Right Now. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). Also Wed. £19.50.

suede Alexandra Palace. Mar 30. £35.75 The Britpop stalwarts head to the Ally Pally for this blast through their era-defining back catalogue and new cuts from sixth album, Bloodsports.

N22 7AY

Alexandra Palace

Unknown Mortal Orchestra The alternative and psychedelic rock combo, with members from New Zealand and America, promotes the album II. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). Adv £10.

Wednesday 6 Inch-Time, Braindead Collective Musician Stefan Panczak performs experimental electronica to promote his fourth album Myth And Impermanence. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8AZ (020 7254 4097). £9.

Josephine Singer Josephine Oniyama performs alt pop and soul from her debut album Portraits. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £10.

Kraftwerk The veteran German band performs its influential electronic and krautrock hits as it plays through each major album release on successive nights. Tate Modern, Bankside, Holland St, SE1 9TG (020 7887 8888). Also Thu-Sat. £60.

The Sea And I, Clean Cut Kid, High Hazels The three-piece, featuring The Hoosiers’s frontman Irwin Sparkes, performs indie-pop.

Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £6, w/flyer £5.

Wave Machines, Golden Fable, Portasound The Liverpool-based outfit plays alt pop and electronica in support of its second album, Pollen. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £9.

Thursday 7 Katy Carr, TG Collective The singersongwriter and ukulele-player, accompanied by her support band, performs folk and new-wave indiepop. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

Paloma Faith, Josephine The Camden-born singer-songwriter performs new wave soul and indie-pop in support of the album Fall To Grace including the hit, Just Be. Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0844 8110051). £22.50-£29.50.

alexandrapalace.com Neon Trees A catchy and upbeat mixture of alternative rock, new wave and dance-rock from the American four-piece as it promotes its album Picture Show. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). Adv £12.50.

NME Awards Shows 2013: Hurts The award-winning, London-based duo of Theo Hutchcraft and Adam Anderson performs its synthheavy brand of indie-rock and electro-pop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). Phone for prices.

The Pharcyde The hip-hop outfit from South Central Los Angeles, now performing with two original members, Imani and Slimkid3, performs upbeat R‘n’B and grime. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). Adv £18.50.

Wall The singer-songwriter and producer from London performs experimental electro-pop using layered production and ambient sounds. Hoxton Hall, Hoxton St, N1 6SH (020 7684 0060). £9, concs £8, phone for availability.

Ayanna Witter-Johnson Contemporary soul by the London-based singer-songwriter and cellist. Brunel Museum And Engine House, Railway Ave, Rotherhithe, SE16 4LF (020 7231 3840). £12, adv £10.

The X Factor Live Tour 2013 Stars from the latest TV competition perform classic songs and viewers’ favourites, including the shows winner James Arthur alongside Ella Henderson, Jahmene Douglas, Rylan Clark, Union J and District3. The O2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £32.50.

Friday 8 Crystal Whites, Big Hat, Jamie And The Martyrs, Gallows Ghost, Hannah Clive The five-piece plays alternative rock and indie. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £8, £7 before 10pm.

Kalia The London-based singer and flautist performs folk and traditional Eastern Mediterranean and Middle Eastern music. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12, adv £10.

Parlour Flames Alternative rock and psychedelia from the Manchester-based outfit, featuring former Oasis guitarist Bonehead and alt pop songsmith Vinny Peculiar. The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £8.

Skinny Machines, The Simon Sampson Rock ‘n’ roll Band, Rolled Up 20s The London-based fourpiece plays guitar-driven pop-rock and indie. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.

Teen Top The South Korean boy band performs K-pop, dance and R‘n’B. The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £60.

Two Door Cinema Club The threepiece from County Down plays a melodic and upbeat blend of indie, rock, electronica and pop in support of the album Beacon. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £16.50.

SATURday 9 Anda Union Mongolian music using traditional instruments by the group.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £15, concs £7.50.

Cannabis Corpse And Ghoul, Living With Disfigurement, Bastardhammer, Seprevation, Cavity Search The three-piece from Richmond, Virginia performs hardcore rock and deep, death metal. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Murat Dalkilic The Turkish singer performs pop. The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). Adv £29.

Dizzy Gillespie Afro-Cuban Experience The band, directed by bassist John Lee, plays Afro-Cuban jazz songs made famous by the American trumpeter and bandleader.

Features guest percussionist Mario Grillom, AKA Machito Jr. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£45.

Los Suaves Heavy rock and metal by the well-established band from Ourense, Galicia. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £24.

Lee Scratch Perry Jamaican reggae and dub musician and producer. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/cc 0870 060 3777). Also Sun. £22.50.

Plan B, Labrinth, Rudimental London-based rapper, singer, actor and director Ben Drew performs R‘n’B and alt-hip-hop documenting the musical legacy of his character Strickland Banks. The O2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £30.

Stephen Dale Petit And Mick Taylor Contemporary and classic blues and blues-rock by the singer-guitarist and band, accompanied by the veteran guitarist. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £20, adv £18.

Geno Washington & The Ram Jam Band The veteran singer leads his blues and soul outfit. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £12.

Sunday 10 Brad, New Killer Shoes The veteran Seattle-formed fourpiece rock band plays psychedelic rock and pop from their fifth studio album United We Stand.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £25.

Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds The deep-voiced Australian singer-songwriter and author, formerly of The Birthday Party, performs chaotic and haunting alternative rock with his backing band as it promotes the album Push The Sky Away.

Her Majesty’s Theatre, Haymarket, SW1Y 4QL (0844 412 4648). £45.

Ryan Leslie The American singer and producer performs R‘n’B, neo soul and hip-hop with his backing band to promote the album Les Is More. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £27.50.

Pakaw, Paka Paka Corporation The London-based five-piece, featuring vocals from the accordion-player Paressa Danilidou, performs traditional Greek, Mediterranean and world folk.The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). Adv £10.

The Thing, Alex Ward, Dominic Lash, Dag Erik Knedal Andersen Free and improvised music by Mats Gustafsson, sax and electronics, Ingebrigt Haker Flaten, bass and electronics and Paal Nilssen-Love, drums.

Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £10.

Jimmy Wahlsteen The fingerstyle guitarist plays folk-pop from the album 181st Songs. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £10.

Young Marble Giants The band from Cardiff, led by singer Alison Statton, reforms to play its atmospheric post-punk songs. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). Adv £15.

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TNTPRESENTS

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Get your geek on: last year’s TNT party

Waitangi Day Party Come and celebrate all things Kiwi with TNT for Waitangi Day!

Join us after work down at the Bison and Bird in Clapham for classic Kiwi tunes and good times until late!

There’ll be deals on Kiwi wine, beers and shots, £5 Kiwi burgers and live music from Ian Munro. Pre-register now and receive a feijoa and apple cocktail on arrival before 7pm.

TNT BEAUTY & THE GEEK PARTY belushi’s, london bridge

February 6, 5pm til late. Tickets are free when you pre-register on our website Bison & Bird, 182 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/waitangi

SAVE THE DATE: TNT TRAVEL SHOW MARCH 2013

Get registered for London’s largest FREE two-day travel show, exclusively for 18 to 39s! There are 7000 free tickets available for the show, 50 per cent off trips, informative travel seminars and giveaways galore. You’d be mad to miss this one!

Saturday, February 16, 7.30pm til late. Tickets £5 Belushi’s London Bridge, 161-165 Borough High Street, SE1 1HR London Bridge tntmagazine.com/geek

March 9, 10am-6pm; March 10, 10am3.30pm at the Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street, Islington, N1 0QH tnttravelshow.com

Photos: TNT

We’re not only promising a great night out at our next Beauty & The Geek party, but also the chance to win a bunch of awesome prizes.

The first 100 people to book tickets to the bash will be entered into a draw to bag a pair of passes to Bilbao BBK Live festival in Spain, where Green Day and Kings Of Leon are set to headline. So whether you’re a goof or drop dead gorgeous, come join us and Topdeck Travel on Saturday, February 16.

Includes a free shot on arrival for all ticket holders before 11pm, DJs, drink specials all night and a best-dressed competition – the winner will get an amazing Topdeck trip to Dublin on St Patrick’s Day! £5

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW

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2 DAY SHOW 50% DEALS SEMINARS 7000 FREE TICKETS

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tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 17:17:35

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CHATROOM

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Tanit Phoenix

The South African actress and model on beating up stunt artists, desert car racing and the nicest men in movies INTERVIEW alasdair morton

What was the appeal in taking on a role in action movie Death Race: Inferno?

Getting to work with Luke [Goss] and Danny [Trejo] again, and the fact that the film was shooting in South Africa, too. It was nice to work at home for a change, because I am usually flying around so much. It felt like more of a reunion seeing everyone again [after working on its prequel], so there was just no question about whether I was going to do it.

Did you find the stunt work easier this time around?

We did a female fight scene in the film and the stunt training for that was very intense. In the training I clipped one of the stunt girls really hard in the face with a roundhouse kick. It takes time to get these moves right. I was really scared I was going to do it again on set so I had extra pressure to get it right. We shot that scene for four hours and the girl kept on saying, “Please don’t kick me in the face!”

Did you have any close calls in the racing scenes?

The cars were all built in South Africa and because we were racing on dunes it was pretty unpredictable. All the cars had larger wheels, but I was a little nervous because I didn’t know if Luke had any experience of racing on sand. But I spoke to some of the stunt guys and they said it was fine, and when we were on the track it was clear I was in good hands.

How much fun was it racing around the desert?

It was great fun. It felt a little like Mad Max, the styling of it, with all the guns and the racing and everyone going crazy. And the director Roel [Reiné] was blasting cars off the edge of a cliff into a quarry on the first four days we were shooting, so we started with a bang, literally.

Luke Goss has a reputation for being the nicest guy in showbiz – is this true?

It is – I can say absolutely that he is a total gentleman. In the second film, Death Race 2, we had these love scenes and he made me feel so comfortable. I’d had another love scene in another movie before but I would rather work with Luke if I had to do anything like that again.

Action-packed: Phoenix stars in desert car racing movie Death Race: Inferno He was a pro, and he has been doing that his whole life.

Danny Trejo always plays really scary guys, but what is he like really?

He is a softie. Danny and I have got to know each other very well over the past few years and I have had a lot of fun with him in Los Angeles.

On set, he kept saying to Roel, “If you want to know anything about the ins and outs of being in prison and what it’s really like then speak to me, as I know it all.”

One of your first acting roles was in South African alternate reality series Charlie Jade...

Yeah, that was a long time ago, but I love sci-fi.

My father introduced me to my very first sci-fi, [James Cameron’s] The Abyss, and ever since then I have been addicted to it.

When did you decide to be an actress?

I wanted to be an actress since I was six years old, and I told my family back then that was what I wanted to be. That was my ambition in life. I got into modelling first when I was in high school and over time I started doing commercials. Then one day when I was in Paris someone said I should audition for this film. I had no idea what it was, but I found out later on it was [Oliver Stone’s] Alexander. I had no

experience and no acting training and I didn’t know anything about being in a film or being on set, but I had the guts to go and put myself on tape. I didn’t get the role but at that moment I realised that was what I was going to do with my career.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned so far about the movies and showbiz?

To remember it’s only a job. Danny Trejo said that to me, “It doesn’t matter how famous you get, how many people see your movies or tell you you’re amazing, this is just a job.” You have to keep your feet on the ground.

Which actress do you most admire?

Meryl Streep. She is just an incredible actress in absolutely everything she has been in.

What would be your dream role to play in a movie?

I would love to be cast in a psychological thriller in the future. I find myself now looking for scripts that are in that genre, that have strong characters but are perhaps a little darker and with more depth. I would love to do something like that soon.

Death Race: Inferno is out February 4 on DVD and Blu-ray through Universal Pictures UK

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01/02/2013 16:34:20

LONDONSCENE

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Zombie love: “I feel like you’re just not listening, like you aren’t alive”

warm bodies FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich | 15 | 97mins | Out February 8

i give it a year FILM Starring: Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall, Simon Baker | 15 | 97mins

This British romantic comedy stars English-accented Aussie Byrne as the workaholic half of a newly married couple (Spall is the more laidback novelist) as their relationship is put to the test. Some friends support, others less so – another Aussie, Baker, is the temptation (for Byrne that is), while Stephen Merchant’s the oddball best mate with the inappropriate jokes.

On general release February 8

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Adelaide’s Teresa Palmer and Brit Nicholas Hoult are the star-crossed lovers in this spin on the zombie flick, which is quirky, offbeat and thoroughly heart-warming.

Zombies usually play a simple, brain-munching threat in movies, but here Hoult’s R is the lead, with a voiceover discussing his life (before and after joining the undead) making him entertaining and empathetic. This is especially the case once he meets Palmer’s Jennie, one of the desperate humans intent on wiping out the Z-threat – although she sees more behind R’s eyes than flesh-craving frenzy.

As a dystopian zom-rom-com, it flirts with many genres: it has the splatter count and enough re-invention of the genre rules (zombies eat brains to experience their victims’ memories) to sate fans of the former, with the one-liners and on-screen chemistry to satisfy the latter two, as the Montagues and Capulets are replaced by the living and undead. Moreover, with its observational witticisms on our iLife monotonies and rote behaviour it has more than a whiff of zombie-king Romero’s satirical bite (a sequence where R walks through an airport as the undead repeat their prior lives ranks up there with Dawn Of The Dead’s consumerism skewing).

Hoult is good in a difficult role, grunting and shuffling with ever-increasing virility as he may hold the key to ending the zombocalypse, and John Malkovich is dependably solid as Palmer’s father and protector of humankind. It is the unconventional romance at its heart though that convinces most, making this an unusual, unique and entertaining V-Day movie-going alternative.

Good for: Seeing multiple genres spliced together with Frankenstein-like abandon and glee

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 15:11:56

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GIVE US A

sean hughes: life becomes noises

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Comedian Sean Hughes’s touching account of his relationship with his father and his passing is a moving look at families, how the people closest to us sometimes can be the furthest away and mortality. So, odd material for a comedy show, but in these hands it is empathetic, eyeopening and very funny.

Lyric Theatre 269 Kilburn High Road, NW6 7JR. Feb 13-16.

8pm. £18 Kilburn tricycle.co.uk

BIGger SPLASH: PAINTING AFTER PERFORMANCE

gruesome playground injuries

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

This so-Tate exhibition looks at the relationship between painting and performance. In the second half of the 20th century paint wasn’t just applied with a brush to canvas, it was dripped, chucked and flung across all manner of surfaces – walls, faces, animals, you name it, pretty much anything and everything.

In American playwright Rajiv Joseph’s short new play, Doug and Kayleen meet each other as eight-year-old kids in the school nurse’s office (she a prim little miss, he ungainly and accident prone). It’s the start of a long-lasting friendship teetering on the brink of a relationship in Justin Audibert’s eloquent, compulsive production.

Tate Modern Bankside, London, SE1 9TG. Until Apr 1. £10 Southwark tate.org.uk

Gate Theatre Pembridge Road, W11 3HQ. Until Feb 16. £20+ Notting Hill gatetheatre.co.uk

Mike manera What’s the show this week about? It’s all about having a really good time, with a great comedy show in a lovely pub in the West End. It’s also about giraffes, Never Mind The Buzzcocks and growing up in a strip joint.

Photos: Johan Persson

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you? I have sunk up to my neck in quicksand with Joan Rivers. She was exploring sexual fantasies on her TV show.

I had probably best leave it there.

However, I should just underline that Joan Rivers wasn’t actually part of the sexual fantasy.

hitchcock

di and viv and rose

FILM

THEATRE

Legendary film director Alfred Hitchcock and his relationship with the many women in his life, particularly his leading ladies, comes under the spotlight in this movie-world film about the shooting of Psycho, with a heavily made-up Anthony Hopkins as the rotund filmmaker, Scarlett Johansson as scream queen Janet Leigh and Helen Mirren as Hitch’s long-suffering wife.

There’s something special about friends made when you first leave home – no matter how different from you they may be, they’re likely to become a substitute family. Amelia Bullmore’s three-hander – starring Tamzin Outhwaite, Gina McKee and Anna Maxwell Martin – is truthful, compassionate and funny.

On general release February 8

Hampstead Theatre Eton Avenue, NW3 3EU. Until Feb 23. £22+ Swiss Cottage hampsteadtheatre.com

Who’s your comedy idol?

Probably Jesus. One of the first stand-ups to ever exist. His sermon on the mount routine is classic, but taken far too seriously by some. Look guys – they were just jokes.

What is the best joke you’ve heard? I like to annoy my Israeli housemate by giving him all of the mail that is just addressed to The Occupier. Copyright [stand-up] Gary Delaney, he’s a joke-writing genius!

Piccadilly Comedy Club. Feb 9. £10 7 Oxenden Street, SW1Y 4EE Leicester Square piccadillycomedy.co.uk

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Great Scot: Hollywood leading man James McAvoy stars as Macbeth 28

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tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 16:32:39

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Shakespeare: reloaded A radical new version of Macbeth hits the London stage this week, set in a dystopian future. Director Jamie Lloyd talks apocalypse Words LAURA CHUBB

“There’s lots of blood and vomit and all sorts of bodily fluids,” says Jamie Lloyd, director of the new James McAvoystarring stage blockbuster Macbeth. We’ve managed to catch him on a rare break from final rehearsals for the show, which premieres this weekend. And going by Lloyd’s admission, it isn’t going to be for the faint-hearted. “It’s a really visceral and sweaty production,” he concedes.

“They’re getting very, very messy in there.”

You’ve probably seen the posters on the Tube by now – McAvoy (X-Men: First Class; Wanted; Atonement) surrounded by the debris of a dystopian future, an ominous mist swirling about him in the shape of a skull. Lloyd has chosen to retell Shakespeare’s darkest tale in a future separatist Scotland, torn apart by war and festering under a toxic fog.

It promises to be a thrilling spectacle, not only because of its star actor and director (Lloyd, at just 32, has won an Olivier award, been appointed associate director of the Donmar Warehouse, and blew away Broadway with his Cyrano de Bergerac), but also thanks in part to its being staged at the revamped Trafalgar Studios. Lloyd and his team have completely reworked the space to immerse the audience in Macbeth with startling intensity. But more of that later.

The director is at pains to point out that rooting a Shakespearian tale in such a radical setting isn’t just a gimmick. “It’s not like me coming up with some pretentious directorial conceit and trying to shoehorn a play into it,” he insists. Rather, creating a disturbing, apocalyptic world for the action is in keeping with what the Bard was doing back in the 1600s. Macbeth has long been considered Shakespeare’s most sinister work, a tale of power-lust and paranoia in which the protagonist plunges deep into moral depravity, murdering his way to the top. So unsettling is the play that for centuries, it has been believed to be cursed, with many theatre types preferring to call it “the Scottish play” rather than invoke potential damnation by speaking its name aloud.

“The world Shakespeare conjures is incredibly feral,” Lloyd explains. “He’s constantly describing this place of complete blackness, where the sun and stars no longer shine in the sky. There are these amazing, graphic descriptions where the earth shakes and horses eat each other. It’s an odd and twisted place.”

Concerned that setting his production in the era it was

first written would dull its relevance to a contemporary audience, Lloyd was eager to create a context that would strike a chord. But placing it in the present day wasn’t going to work – Macbeth plotting his reign of terror on an iPad or Lady M trolling on Twitter would be absurd. Instead, Lloyd looked to find “some sense of a world that is recognisably ours but 50 years down the line. What about if the UK was split into separate nations and that led to some kind of

“

The earth shakes and horses eat each other

”

dreadful economic downfall? And if that was combined with extreme environmental catastrophe?” Cheery stuff.

Still, there is an element to Lloyd’s vision of hooking a new generation into Shakespeare by updating the story, in much the same way films such as Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo And Juliet and Julia Styles-starring O (based on Othello) have tried before. Indeed, Macbeth is the first in a season of ››

Rising star: director Jamie Lloyd tntMagazine.com

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01/02/2013 16:32:41

In rehearsal: Lloyd does his thing and, right, James McAvoy broods

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lovely time at the theatre,” Lloyd tells us. “It’s got to engage.

We’ve got to work out why the theatre is [still] relevant, and I believe it’s got to be outward-looking to survive. So this points the finger outwards and says, you could be Macbeth, you could make the same choices. He’s not a dictator from a previous age. We’re all capable of this.”

There are a few hallmarks to Lloyd’s short but stratospheric career, despite his body of work being so disparate. He’s directed everything from new writing (Olivier award-winning The Pride), to musicals (another award-winner, Piaf, which he also took to Buenos Aires and Madrid), and now the Bard. Across all of these, visual flair and theatrical intensity have been the Jamie Lloyd brand; one critic even called Three Days Of Rain “excessively

“

James McAvoy is a believable warrior

”

atmospheric”. Perhaps this wild creativity is unsurprising; Lloyd’s upbringing, living above a fancy dress shop in Poole, Dorset, with a stepfather who worked as a children’s entertainer and kept dwarf rabbits in the living room (“they used to poo all over the carpet”) and a snake-charming lodger, did, in his own words, “stimulate imagination”. “It wasn’t a normal childhood,” he laughs. “There were these peculiar characters around all the time.”

So, while Macbeth might have James McAvoy out front, we should be equally excited that a man like Jamie Lloyd is pulling the strings at the back. “We’re all absolutely committed to the project and are totally excited about it,” he says, a genuine, palpable passion crackling down the phone line. “I hope that kind of enthusiasm will be infectious.” It really is. ❚ Macbeth. Feb 9-April 27. Mon-Sat, 7.30pm; Thur & Sat, 2.30pm. £10-£54.50. All tickets £15 on Mondays, day seats for £10 available Tue-Sat. Trafalgar Studios, 14 Whitehall, Westminster, SW1A 2DY macbethwestend.com Charing Cross

Photos: Johan Persson

plays by Lloyd, called Trafalgar Transformed, that seek to posit London theatre as less elitist. It’s true that taking in a show in the capital is prohibitively priced for many – there’s a big difference between gambling £50 per head on a West End production you may or may not enjoy and £12 at the cinema. To combat this sense of theatre as something not meant for the masses, all tickets for Macbeth will be priced at £15 on every Monday of its run, with half of them only available through a special scheme aimed at schools and first-time theatre-goers.

Having a Hollywood star’s mug on your promotional poster is also a neat trick if you want to grab people’s attention. Lloyd and McAvoy have worked together before, on 2009’s Three Days Of Rain at the Apollo Theatre, and Lloyd says his leading man was a huge influence when forming a vision for his latest play.

“I loved the idea of Macbeth being a younger man,” the director says. “The kind of warfare Shakespeare describes is not a cold, clean bullet to the head. At one point, we’re told [Macbeth] slices a man open from the bellybutton to the chin. Killing someone isn’t something that’s over and done within seconds; it’s an exhausting process, so it makes sense if you’ve got a young man who’s full of energy, absolutely match fit and able to do it to many, many people in the course of one day. And James is a believable warrior.”

During the course of our conversation, Lloyd’s excitement about the project is audible – not only in his words, but the boundless energy with which he delivers them. He sounds like a man possessed. And that’s because the director’s intentions for Macbeth and Trafalgar Transformed go far beyond simply giving his audience a good night out.

Along with award-winning designer Soutra Gilmour, he has reconceived Trafalgar Studios so that a third of the audience will be sitting on the stage with the actors, surrounded by the set – the detritus of a derelict factory. (Considering there’s going to be a lot of blood and guts flying about, should the front row bring emergency ponchos? “There might be a bit of splash back,” Lloyd laughs. “It’ll be a process of discovery across previews. If you’re in the early audiences, you might get a little bit messy.”)

The idea behind the design is that it completely immerses the spectator in the action. “It isn’t just about having a jolly

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SPARETIME

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Dead Space 3

Biffy Clyro: Opposites

Game

New functionality is added to the sci-fi adventure series. £39.99 play.com

CD

The Scottish emo-rockers return with their sixth release, an ambitious, double-disc, 20-song effort. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

Aliens: Colonial Marines Game

Various Artists: Acid House Anthems

Furious shoot ‘em up offshoot from the hit Hollywood movie series. £39.99 amazon.co.uk

CD

A 50-strong collection of the finest acid house tunes. £8.99 play.com

GTA: Vice City Android app

Sense’Elle: Burlesque Beauty

The Grand Theft Auto legend transitions to mobile gaming. £3.74 play.google.com

Book

A focus on the British burlesque scene through the eyes of eight artists and performers. £14.95 amazon.co.uk

Car Camera DVR iPhone app

For filming your driving for insurance purposes – not for recording races with mates. £1.49 itunes.apple.com

Dr Robert Lustig: Fat Chance Book

Sub-titled ‘The bitter truth about sugar’, it debunks food fallacies we think we know. £12.99 amazon.co.uk

Power-Up Hand Warmers Gadget

Crack out these bad boys and you’ll have toasty hands for the next half an hour. £4.95 prezzybox.com

Taken 2 DVD

Liam Neeson is back to his now signature beat ‘em up role to take on even more nasty foreigners than last time. Why won’t they learn? £8.99 play.com

Touch Speaker Gadget

Drop your smartphone on top of this and your tunes will come out twice as loud. £29.99 thumbsupuk.com

Anna Karenina DVD

Keira Knightley stars in Joe Wright’s period adaptation of Tolstoy’s classic tome. £13.99 amazon.co.uk

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App of the Week RunPee App

This painfully simple app tells you when the best time to go for a quick loo break is in a movie so you don’t miss anything important. £0.99 runpee.com

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01/02/2013 15:23:48

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Date: Sunday 17th March 2013 Venue: Elk Bar, Fulham Time: 12noon till 12 Midnight Tickets: Free Entry Pre register: to claim a free drink on arrival before 2pm

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Urban scrawl: Melbourne’s street art scene is unrivaled

Change of art Creative types flock to Melbourne, Oz’s second biggest city, thanks to its bohemian vibe and plentiful, well-paid jobs Words Daisy carrington Australia’s second city is also among its most acclaimed, and deservedly so. A strong economy, terrific beaches (when the sun’s out) and creative flair make Melbourne the most livable metropolis in the world, according to the 2012 Economist Intelligence Unit’s global livability report.

That’s entertainment Melbourne is perhaps the world’s most social city. There’s a thriving food culture and bars tailored to any taste – the social calendar is jam-packed.

“There’s always something happening here,” says Daniel Tait, 28, an interactive designer from Wellington, NZ. “It seems like there’s live music every night, and there’s lots of festivals.”

Tait says the social culture of the city 34

TNT_1536_034 34

spills over into work life. “Most days when I finish, I’ll grab a few drinks with co-workers, or else we’ll do some teambuilding exercises together,” he adds.

Melbourne cradles Port Phillip Bay and as a result is not shy of coastline.

There are loads of funky cafes and galleries along the harbourside and Yarra River, which runs through the city.

For Gemma Saltmarsh, 31, who came from Tasmania to work in marketing, the city’s dining is a main draw.

“Melbourne has a fountain of amazing options, and this keeps the prices competitive,” she says.

Beat the competition Ask an expat why they moved to Melbourne, and most likely they’ll cite the city’s prospering job market.

“The creative industry here is really well-paying, and there are lots of jobs,” Tait says. Graduate jobs start at around £28,000 per year, though are dependent on industry. The city is most in need of IT, finance and engineering specialists, and is recruiting in the health and energy sectors.

Tim James, the senior regional director of Hays recruiting in Victoria, notes that Melbourne has a good corporate reputation, and that for many expats, a stint at a local company can be a real CV builder.

“Melbourne is recognised as a global city, and the qualifications gained here can put you in a good position to compete for work in other major metropolitan cities,” he says.

Saltmarsh, who returned to

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 14:15:20

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job Cecily Mullins

Career Director of music programming Age 28 Lives Notting Hill From Wales

Photos: Thinkstock

H20 city: whether it’s the harbour, beach (right) or river, you’re never far from an amazing water view Tasmania after Off duty? Go festive comes to housing. Oneliving and working Moomba: This annual festival is bedroom flats start at in Melbourne for 11 one of Australia’s largest. The free, about £200 per week. years, is proof of this: four-day fest on March 8-11 has Eating out can also add “Working in Melbourne run since 1955. Music, water sports up. Saltmarsh reckons allowed me to develop and fireworks make the event. a £5 lunch is a “deal”. my skills, and to return Still, she says, it’s moomba.com.au to my home state possible to live cheaply Melbourne International with a breadth of if you’re patient and Comedy Festival: The biggest experience.” event on Australia’s social calendar know where to look.

Of course, as “You could live in (March 27-April 21), Tim Minchin the community at the suburbs and spend and Ruby Wax are on the bill. large gets wind of less, but I think it’s costcomedyfestival.com.au job opportunities, effective to look for Melbourne International Film the competition is shared accommodation Festival: One of the world’s oldest becoming more stiff. in St Kilda or Brunswick, (since 1952) and most impressive “Employers have where you’re in the film festivals (July 25-August 11). high expectations of thick of the action,” miff.com.au potential candidates,” she notes.

James explains. “They Setting up are focused on recruiting people with very specific skills and are not as Skilled expats – such as those in health, flexible as they once were.”

IT and construction – can apply for a He advises creating immaculate special visa without sponsorship. NonCVs tailored to individual positions, Australians without exceptional skills and ensuring prospective employees can apply for a one-year Australian maintain a responsible, savvy social Working Holiday Visa for 18 to 30-yearmedia presence. olds, but recipients of this type of visa “Ensure you align your online profile cannot work for the and activities with the personal brand same employer NEXT WEEK you want to project,” he says. for more than six months.

Primp and preen: Cost of living For more info, London’s weirdest spa treatments log on to The downside of living in Melbourne is immi.gov.au. that it is expensive, particularly when it

How did you get into your line of work?

I started working in music management years ago. When I was approached by Baroque at the Playboy Club London to handle their programming, I didn’t think twice!

What do you do day-to-day?

I hold meetings with agents, labels, artists and managers. If I have a guest band playing, I’ll head to the club in the morning to oversee setup, then dash home to change before coming back to make sure it runs smoothly. Sometimes I’ll catch a gig elsewhere to scout talent.

What’s the most rewarding part?

Getting to see excellent bands. Grace Jones? Two Door Cinema Club? The Kills? These guys rarely play intimate gigs. Our members are very lucky.

What’s the most challenging?

Haggling fees and chasing contracts. playboyclublondon.com

How to...

Dress the part Send the right message to HR with these wardrobe tips …

• Know your audience. What’s

appropriate for a banking job won’t work in a creative industry.

Look to your supervisor for cues.

• Go designer. High street

shopping is fine, but the occasional statement piece can help you stand out.

• Make it fit. Tight clothes come

off as slutty, while a baggy wardrobe can seem dowdy and dated. Professionalism demands a happy medium.

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35

01/02/2013 14:15:24

GIVE LIFE TO A FAMILY The CenTre for reproduCTive and GeneTiC healTh

The Centre for Reproductive and Genetic Health is one of uK’s top fertility clinics but we need the help of egg donors! as many as one in seven couples are affected by infertility and may require assistance in starting a family. in the past 21 years, CrGh has helped to conceive over 4,000 babies. Some of these pregnancies would not have been possible without donated eggs. if you’re a woman between the ages of 20 and 35, who would like to help a couple in need, then please call Joy Green (head of nursing) on

We will compensate egg donors up to £750 for their time

020 7837 2905 The Centre for Reproductive & Genetic Health

info@crgh.co.uk

www.crgh.co.uk

tntjobs.co.uk ACCOUNTING FOR INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT T: 020 8741 7000

www.afid.org.uk AfID enables accountants to make a genuine difference as volunteers while gaining valuable experience with charities across the developing world.

THE PHEASANT INN T: 01768 776234

www.the-pheasant.co.uk 15 Bedroom Luxury Hotel in Cumbria (Lake District)

JOB OF THE WEEK: Accountant for Charities and NGOs (volunteer) Location: Africa, Asia or South America Salary: Voluntary AfID’s 2 to 24 week assignments aim to increase the financial management capacity of charities through improving the skills and confidence of local staff. The end result is organisations which are more efficient, sustainable and transparent.

Neil Jennings | 0208 741 7000 | info@afid.org.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar Person / General Assistant, M/F Location: Cumbria, Lake District Salary: £14,000 + free live in accomm You must be able to speak fluent English and you should have some hotel/bar experience. Personality is of prime importance.

Minimum 6 months.

Matthew Wylie | 01768 776234 | wylie@the-pheasant.co.uk

ORIGIN T: 020 7617 7894 www.origincare.com Live-in roles typically of 2 weeks on and 1 week off. Free specialist training provided with Origin, a dedicated company established over 10 years.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Location: London & South East Salary: £574 per week Our clients are young adults with a spinal injury. We need positive people to help them live independently. Free accommodation, food and refunded travel expenses! Promotional prospects and higher rates of pay available.

John Hardy | 020 7617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY 36

TNT_1536_036 36

JOBS

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01/02/2013 12:47:45

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Discount wheels Xxxxxxxxx Boris bikes are cheap, we’ll give you that, but xxxxxxxxx sometimes you want to Xxxxxxxxxxx own your own set of wheels. At wiggle.co.uk, xxxxxxxxx you can get up to 50 per Xxxxxxxxxxx cent off a brand new bike.

On some models, that’s xxxxxxxxx a £1000 discount. Sale’s Xxxxxxxxxxx good while supplies last.

so I need to learn to make it last. I buy quite cheap food, like McDonald’s. I can’t do that everyday, though, I don’t want to get fat.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Stay single. Girlfriends are expensive and always expect you to buy them presents.

xxxxxxxxx yoga for a quid Xxxxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

Thanks to the Peabody Trust’s Activate Fund it is now possible to strike a (yoga) pose for a very reasonable £1. These dirt cheap classes are mainly for beginners, and run throughout London, and several times during the week. For more information, or to book, email franklips@gmail.com.

A gym you can afford Low-cost exercise chain Pure Gym is opening a Holloway branch this month. To celebrate the launch, they’re offering an annual membership for £19.99 (down from £26.99) with a £15 joining fee (down from £25). The deal ends when the gym officially opens (Pure Gym could only confirm this would be “sometime in late Feb”). For more info, visit puregym.com.

Your last big blow-out?

I rented a car a few weeks ago for my birthday.

Sultan Rous, 19 Job Human Resources From Shadwell Lives Shadwell

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Probably travel. I get the bus a lot when I could walk.

How do you budget?

I’m not great with my money. I only started my first job last week though,

how THEY spend it!

Celebrities chow down Beyonce and hubby Jay-Z recently grabbed some comfort food at Mother’s Restaurant in New Orleans, where they dropped a reasonable £63 on a seafood feast, plus pie

Pie eaters: Jay-Z and Beyonce

❚ It seems Victoria and David Beckham are surprise fans of Pizza Express. The couple reportedly spent an extremely non-superstarry £72 on a meal with the kids.

❚ Simon Cowell supposedly spent £315,000 upgrading the hotel digs for the contestants of the US X Factor, and paid for their meals to boot.

❚ Rihanna is said to have dropped a £126 tip on a lucky waiter at LA’s Laugh Factory comedy club. Impressive, considering the bill, which included cocktails, had only racked up to £50.

❚ Katy Perry was so desperate to beef up her cooking skills at Elton John’s Oscar party last year that she bid £31,000 on cooking lessons with American celebrity chef Cat Cora.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

TNT_1536_037 37

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01/02/2013 14:17:36

LIFESTYLEliving

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Home

Style .94

£19

Santos Cafetière Make your coffee with style lacafetiere.com

Quaint and cosy Muswell Hill, N10 Words Daisy carrington

.50

£36

12-piece bathing girls tea set Some arty nudity with your biscuit? dutchbydesign.com

Though this north London ’hood is a good 15 minutes’ walk from the nearest Tube stop, the myriad bus routes, chilled village feel, pretty, neighbouring Highate Wood and cheap rents more than make up for it.

So the super-hip might not flock here and you’re in Zone 3. But Muswell Hill is filled with stunning and unique architecture, and is close to some of the city’s nicest nabes (think Hampstead and Highgate).

Why Muswell Hill?

0

0 £3.

Chick-shaped heat pad You’d be chicken not to use these tigerstores.co.uk

50

£7.

Muswell Hill has eschewed new-builds for nearly a century. As a result, most of the buildings are Edwardian and Victorian, with a few Art Deco models thrown in for good measure. The result is a treasure trove of flats fitted with architectural wonders. Think sash windows, Edwardian picture hooks, original cornicing and stained glass.

“There have been instances of people pulling up carpeting and finding original wooden flooring underneath,” says lettings manager Euan Williams, of Kinleigh Folkard & Hayward. In many ways, Muswell Hill feels like a ‘hood plucked from another era.

“People find it strange that folks know one another, and speak to their next door neighbours, and even leave their keys with them if they’re going out of town,” he adds.

Ally Pally: the former BBC landmark now hosts major sporting events now hosts major events such as world darts and snooker championships), the area still attracts plenty in the TV business, including actors and producers. Artists and crafting types have also converted some of the older garage spaces into gift shops and antique boutiques, many of which line the cutely cobbled Avenue Mews. “I’d say we attract quite a high-end calibre,” says Williams.

The connections Unfortunately, the neighbourhood’s one major drawback is its transport connections.

The closest Tube stops – East Finchley, Highgate and Bounds Green – are all about a 15-minute walk away. Several buses service the area, though, including the 43, 134 and W7, going to London Bridge, Camden and Finsbury Park respectively.

Character-packed period properties

Who lives there?

Textured glass bowl Because presentation is everything liberty.co.uk

38

TNT_1536_038 38

One of Muswell Hill’s major landmarks is Alexandra Palace, aka Ally Pally, the original headquarters for the BBC. Though the TV service no longer operates out of here (it

Don’t move here if...

You hate a long commute. Though the lack of transportation options mean better rent

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 14:16:22

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MY AREA Mia Solakis student 25

“Well, rent drew me here – it’s a lot cheaper. But I think it’s a cute neighbourhood. I also love the woods. You don’t find much greenery or nature in London.”

Phil Crocker Musician 22

and a greater sense of community, it can also mean a trek to much of the city.

“I’d say if you’re looking to be a few minutes out from the hustle and bustle of central London, you don’t want to be in Muswell Hill,” Williams concedes.

Where to hang out Muswell Hill Broadway is lined with cute and convenient chains, plus several independent restaurants. The local O’Neills is set in a converted church, and is packed most nights. Nearby, some of the best fish and chips in the city can be found at Toff’s

(toffsfish.co.uk). Another popular spot is the Pavilion Cafe (tel. 020 8444 4777), which dishes out high-end nosh in an al fresco setting. The wood itself is always packed with joggers and dog walkers, and is great for sunbathing come summer. On Sundays, residents pick up organic fruit and veg and locally sourced meat at NEXT WEEK one of London’s biggest farmers’ Just visiting: Why markets, in pay for a flat when Alexandra Park you can house sit? from 10am-3pm.

“I like walking around here because it’s pretty and there’s a small town feel. A lot of my friends live in the area, so it’s a good place to meet people and get together.”

Victoria Gower TV Producer 36

“I like that Muswell Hill feels like a village in the city. It’s got such wonderful parkland and outside spaces that you just wouldn’t find elsewhere.”

n10 INFO Borough

Haringey Council Tax

Band B: £921.14 Travel time to London

Photos: Thinkstock

40 mins 1-bedroom flat £285pw

2-bedroom flat £375pw

3-bedroom flat £495pw

Set in an Edwardian conversion, this furnished flat comes flush with period features, has lots of natural light and lovely views. It’s also a short walk to East Finchley Tube.

This property on Grosvenor Road has been recently refurbished. It includes a fully fitted kitchen and a communal garden. It’s near local amenities, and is close to Ally Pally.

This partly furnished flat comes with a private entrance, and sizable enclosed rear garden. It’s close to Muswell Hill Broadway, and a short walk to Alexandra Palace.

kfh.co.uk

kfh.co.uk

kfh.co.uk

Tube

East Finchley and Highgate (Northern line) Average room share 1 bed

£500pcm Average rental 1 bed

£850pcm Average flat 1 bed

£1200pcm

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TNT_1536_039 39

39

01/02/2013 14:16:30

WORLDVIEW

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Stinky: no one likes a smelly baby

new perfume for newborn babies united states

Don’t you just hate how newborn babies smell? Well luckily for you, Dolce & Gabbana is releasing a new scent especially for tots.

The fragrance will have notes of citrus, honey and melon. Co-founder Stefano Gabbana said: “The softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother’s sweet hug, [and] the first smile were inspirations for the scent, meant to enhance the tot’s natural smell.”

The perfume, which is unisex, will retail for £28 for 50ml and is alcoholfree. Whether it can obscure the smell of diarrhea hasn’t yet been confirmed. tweets of the week @HMVTweets We’re tweeting live from HR where we’re all being fired!

Exciting!! #hmvXFactorFiring @Jalopnik Only white media people think VW’s Super Bowl Ad is racist @FootyHumour Heartwarming to see Beckham going to a club for love of the game and not money. Oh, wait ...

elderly man sleeps through drive-by australia

An elderly man woke up to find a bullet hole through his bedroom window after sleeping through a drive-by shooting.

The victim, who police haven’t named, was targeted after a dispute with a former colleague. He wasn’t injured in the attack, which resulted in a shot through his bedroom window.

Officers also found a bullet had grazed a car at his property in the Adelaide suburb 40

TNT_1536_040 40

Foam’s up: it looks as though washing-up liquid has been squirted into the sea at Burleigh Heads beach along the Gold Coast, Australia following wild weather caused by tropical Cyclone Oswald

of Enfield. A neighbour reported seeing a white car, possibly a Subaru Liberty, drive past the house at the time the shots were fired. No one was hurt.

hair-raising! crims nick 10yo dreads south africa

A man from Zimbabwe who was partying hard in a Johannesburg nightclub was shocked to find someone had stolen his hair after he passed out.

Mutsa Madonko, who had been growing his dreads for 10 years, was the victim of a hair thief – an increasing criminal trend as the demand for extensions is on the up.

The hair-raising criminals weren’t after

his cash, though – Madonko’s friend Jasper Munsinwa, who discovered his unfortunate friend shaved bald, said: “When we found him, he still had his cellphone and wallet with all his money inside.”

Women are apparently more vulnerable to hair-crime.

“You are an easy target if you walk around the CBD (Johannesburg’s Central Business District) and your hair is loose.

They don’t care about your money or fancy phone. They are only after your hair,” local stylist Lebo Masimong said.

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 15:06:11

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 15

Number, in millions, of people opting to go under the knife for plastic surgery last year, new study reveals

Energy, in calories, burned off having sex, as a US study reveals the average session lasts just six minutes

Lotta muscle: the caroplane

3

IS IT A CAR? A PLANE? NO, IT’S A CAROPLANE

21

Time, in days, it took Jenessa Simons, from Utah, to make contact with her birth mother by using Facebook

NEW ZEALAND

A car restorer spent 2500 hours studying aircraft so he could make his 1938 Chevrolet look like a plane.

Tich Findlay unveiled his efforts last week, showcasing the vehicle which took him more than three years.

He said it took numerous creations before the finished “caroplane”, which now looks like a World War II fighter plane.

“My wife didn’t see much of me,” he said. “I used to wake her up in the middle of the night and give her a coffee at 2am when I got ideas. Now she hates coffee.”

It was displayed at the Muscle Car Madness show in Rangiora, driving away with the Peoples’ Choice Award.

‘ENSURE THIS IS THE LAST CAT YOU OWN’

Photos: Getty; AAP; Thinkstock; tichfindlay.com

NEW ZEALAND

Cats – or “friendly neighbourhood killers” – should be eradicated from New Zealand, according to a philanthropic economist.

Gareth Morgan has even set up a website called Cats To Go, claiming fluffy kittens have contributed to the extinction of nine native birds and impacted 33 endangered native bird species.

He adds: “We appreciate you have an emotional connection with your pet and that pet ownership is a rewarding experience. But there’s a real problem

TNT_1536_041 41

Number of beer bottles discarded from Las Vegas casinos it took to make the Morrow Royal Pavilion in Nevada

Pure evil: cats kill “for pleasure” with cats – they kill for pleasure... keep them inside 24 hours a day and if that’s impractical then when the time comes ensure this is the last cat you ever own.”

Sounds like a happy-go-lucky kinda guy.

FRIENDS PLAY TAG FOR 23 YEARS UNITED STATES

Playing tig at school used to last for about five minutes. However, a group of four friends in the US having been playing the game for 23 years.

Bill Akers, Sean Raftis, Patrick Schultheis and Mike Konesky began this particular bout back in prep school in Washington, and had their final game in high school before taking a seven-year break.

A school reunion in 1990 saw them take up the game long-term, with the month of February being when the game is on and the four friends travel the length and breadth of the world in some cases to tag each other. Crazy!

500,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK I will personally haunt you in your sleep and maybe kill you One Direction fans take their anger out on Aussie waitress Courtney Webb, who sold her story to The Sun claiming she had slept with Zayn Malik

01/02/2013 15:06:18

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SERBIAN PRIME MINISTER IN BASIC INSTINCT PRANK

‘NINJA CAR’ ALMOST HITS COPS DURING FOAM STORM

The Serbian PM was heard gulping when a beautiful ‘journalist’ grilling him revealed rather too much

A foam storm in Victoria left driving conditions so hazardous that police officers didn’t see a car coming

tntmagazine.com/gulp

FITNESS FREAKS

Check out TNTmagazine.com’s fitness section to find a sports team or inventive fitness class near you.

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01/02/2013 16:22:28

TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CAROL DRIVER carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

Rain and flags. Yep, that’s Britishness

UKBA, a shambolic office which isn’t fit for purpose

Photos: Getty

New backlog latest blow to expats waiting for visas and passports It wouldn’t be completely unfair to presume that it’s a bunch of idiots running the UK Border Agency. No, in fact, scrap that – idiots have probably got more common sense. Last week it was revealed a backlog of 16,000 immigration requests, some spanning as long as a decade, had been discovered at UKBA. One explanation was that a few thousand of the files had been “dumped” in boxes, while the others had been passed around offices.

“I don’t think I should be discovering these backlogs,” John Vine, independent chief inspector of borders and immigration, said. No, mate, neither do we. While this backlog in particular is for cases of people waiting to see if their partners were allowed to live in the UK, it doesn’t offer much confidence to anyone else in touch with beleaguered UKBA. And it raises the question of whether this government agency, which has come under fire countless times in recent years, is fit for purpose. Based on the horror stories we’ve heard at TNT and that have been posted on the Kiwis In London Facebook page, it’s not.

As well as passports being lost or disappearing for months, others have been forced out of jobs or have been left in limbo, unable to get a straight answer from the UKBA staff when someone does finally bother to pick up the constanly ringing phone.

Kiwi Nick Van Den Borst said: “My advice to anyone dealing with UKBA is to treat them like small children. Post It-note every piece of proof and photocopy everything before sending it out as they are known to lose documents.”

Even some of those who see no choice but to fork out the ridiculous amount of money for the premium same-day service end up waiting for eight hours, and then sometimes more than a week after that for their case to be resolved.

Put simply, this isn’t good enough. TNT is putting together case studies to take to the UKBA – if you’re one of the many with a horror story, we want to help. Get in touch. » Agree or disagree? Is the UKBA a shambles? Email carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

‘BRITISHNESS’ NOT PROVED BY HISTORY What is the title given to the person who chairs the debates in the House of Commons? If you know the answer to that, you’re on your way to becoming a British citizen.

This is one of the many pointless multiple-choice questions which pop up in the new citizenship test for aspiring Brits.

Pointless because knowing the answer to questions such as, ‘In 1801, a new version of the official flag of the UK was created. What is it often called?’ has little to do with life in the UK today.

Prospective citizens will be tested on the Home Office’s 180-page syllabus on

“

I guarantee my Brit mates wouldn’t pass

”

Britishness, which I guarantee contains information most of my British friends wouldn’t know about.

Even the word ‘Britishness’ stinks of Tory elitism. How about a test that really reflects life in modern-day Britain, rather than cherry-picking events from our history from a public schoolboy perspective?

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‘Like a feminist tsunami’ On Feb 14, One Billion Rising aims to stop violence against women.

TNT looks at the global campaign WORDS CAROL DRIVER

It’s not the usual way of expressing outrage and protesting for change. “Rise and dance” is the vociferous message of One Billion Rising – a global campaign demanding the end of violence against women. On February 14, there will be 190 countries around the world holding noisy, energetic events encouraging “activists, writers, thinkers, celebrities, women and men” to “strike, dance and rise”. So far, more than 13,000 organisations, including in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, will be taking part.

It’s the latest in an increasingly louder feminist movement, following on the heels of SlutWalk – global marches sparked by a Toronto policeman’s comments that women should stop dressing like “sluts” to avoid rape – and the Free Pussy Riot demonstrations, demanding the release of the Russian band jailed for their controversial performance at a cathedral.

But where SlutWalk was criticised by some as sending out the wrong message – suggesting the movement, which saw scantily clad protesters with placards bearing the provocative, “It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want”, wasn’t the best way to address a plight sparked by a comment made by one man – One Billion Rising has been given more credence.

It was formed by Vagina Monologues writer Eve Ensler last year, after learning the statistic that one in three women around the world are raped or beaten at some point in their life. With the world’s population at seven billion, it equates to one billion women and girls suffering from violence. The movement’s website (onebillionrising.org) says: “One billion women violated is an atrocity. One billion women dancing is a revolution.”

According to the World Bank, women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, car accidents, war and malaria. And the American Medical Association claims sexual violence, rape in particular, is the most under-reported violent crime in the world, making statistics widely unreliable.

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Nearly every country in the world will be holding a One Billion Rising event, each wanting to express their desire for change differently. Campaigners in Mogadishu, Somalia, are planning its first ever flash mob, New Zealanders will be doing the conga in Wanganui, while Aboriginal women in Australia will be taking over a stadium in Queensland.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my lifetime,” Ensler told the Guardian. “It is something that has gone across class, social group and religion. It’s like a huge feminist tsunami.”

Ensler has been touring the world, spreading the message of the “day of change”, this year held on what will be the

“

Biggest breakthrough in sexual violence ever

”

15th anniversary of V-Day, a global movement for women’s rights started by Ensler which has to date raised more than £57m. It’s also educated millions worldwide about the issue of violence against women and funded shelters and safe houses in Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti, Kenya, South Dakota, Egypt and Iraq.

As part of her tour, Ensler visited south Asia for three weeks in December, witnessing first-hand the outrage over the gang rape and murder of 23-year-old medical student Jyoti Singh in Delhi, India. She said the anger – which saw thousands take to the streets to demand justice and more safety for women – had resulted in support for the campaign.

“In India, One Billion Rising is at the centre of the biggest breakthrough in sexual violence ever seen,” she said.

She told TrustLaw: “I’ve been working on the issue of violence against women for 15 years and I have never seen

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

01/02/2013 12:54:20

Photos: Getty

Clockwise from left: SlutWalk march; Eve Ensler; a SlutWalk protester; Pussy Riot campaigners demand the band’s release

any country where, for so many weeks, there are so many stories discussing rape, equality, amending laws in the national newspapers … where sexual violence is out there in the public discourse every day.

“That’s a breakthrough in consciousness which many feminists like me have for many years been waiting for.

With the discussion on sexual violence, the window to women’s equality is open wider here than I’ve ever seen it.

India is the vanguard.”

The movement is also gaining momentum on social media – with #1billionrising widely used. And it’s not just women taking part, with #MenRise also popular on Twitter.

There are so far more than 80 events taking place in the UK (the One Billion Rising Art Festival), with dances, workshops and flash mobs in London. On February 4, Ensler will be in the capital for a sold-out event at Café de Paris with Thandie Newton and other celebrity campaigners.

Restless Buddha is organising The Young Vic Rising, urging people to get involved and “get your groove on” at its dance flash mob at the theatre in Waterloo at 1pm on February 14. At the same time, Abena Oppong, equalities officer for the Labour Group at City Hall, is working with the London Assembly to arrange a cross-party dance flash mob in the chamber.

Ensler, who says V-Day was started 14 years ago “when we had the outrageous idea that we could end violence against women” added: “When one billion bodies rise and dance on February 14, we will join in solidarity, purpose and energy and shake the world into a new consciousness.

“Dancing ... has no set direction but we go there together.

It’s dangerous, joyous, sexual, holy, disruptive. It breaks the rules. It can happen anywhere at anytime with anyone and everyone. It’s free. No corporation can control it. It joins us and pushes us to go further. It’s contagious and it spreads quickly. It’s of the body. It’s transcendent.”

Moves: see the dance at onebillionrising.org

aussie campaigner’s view ‘an incredible act’ Campaigner Elena Trethowan is involved in organising the One Billion Rising flash mob in Perth, Australia.

The psychology student said the movement was vital for rising against physical and sexual violence against women, in her home country and around the world.

“Violence against women is a major contributing factor to instability within the family and within communities; and families and the communities that surround them are the foundation of our society,” she said. “Sexual violence has long-term destabilising effects on individuals, families and communities.

“As soon as I saw the videos introducing the One Billion Rising campaign, I wanted to be involved – women and men in almost every country across the globe, rising and dancing together on the same day for a common goal, what an incredible act of solidarity and defiance.”

tntMagazine.com

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01/02/2013 12:54:27

SPORTNEWS

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@tntmagazine

Sonny Bill could quit boxing

botha fight could be sbw’s swansong boxing

Fight fans are being asked to shell out up to AU$250 to watch the next stage in Sonny Bill Williams’ boxing career – that could also mark the end of it.

The former All Black takes on South African Francois Botha in the headline bout at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre on Friday night (Qld time) for the WBA International Heavyweight title.

It will be the first real boxing challenge for Williams, with Botha having previously fought the likes of Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield in their prime – while Botha is past his peak, he’s a dangerous prospect for Sydney Roosters’ new marquee. If he loses, Williams said it could be his last fight.

“If I get knocked out then that will probably be the end,” Williams said.

Queensland and Wallabies rugby union star Quade Cooper will make his boxing debut on the undercard against Barry Dunnett, a veteran of muay Thai.

aa bans stef for his racism accusations athletics

Outspoken runner John Steffensen has been banned from competition for six months by Athletics Australia for bringing the sport into disrepute with allegations he’d been racially vilified.

The former Commonwealth 400m champion won’t be able to defend his national crown at the Australian Championships in April or compete at the IAAF World Championships in August.

The suspension follows an investigation into his claims that he was not being picked for an individual 400m Olympics berth due to his race. He also called AA boss Dallas O’Brien a liar.

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This rope bridge looks like hard yakka, but was just the tip of the iceberg in last week’s Tough Guy Challenge, an eight-mile endurance race in Telford, England. Thousands took on the assault course which includes a bracken maze, freezing mud pits, climbs, descents, fire and a section called the ‘Killing Fields’ – basically pain, lots of pain

quins may be bitten by wasps sans stars rugby union

Harlequins face the surging London Wasps at a dangerous time on Saturday with at least five of their stars on England duty against Ireland, including captain Chris Robshaw.

Playmaker Danny Care, along with Mike Brown and Joe Marler, are expected to play in white against their fourth-placed London rivals, while Olly Kohn’s on duty for Wales.

Saracens could close the two point gap the Quins hold at the top of the Aviva Premiership, but the north Londoners have their own international headaches against second from bottom London Irish, with seven top-line players out, six with England and Kelly Brown captaining Scotland.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Rafael Nadal makes a welcome return to the circuit this week in Chile, one of three tournaments on his preferred clay surface ahead of the French Open – which he’s won seven of within the past eight years.

He hasn’t played since a patellar tendon tear at Wimbledon in June last year and his return at the Australian Open – where he was missed – was prevented due to illness.

Tennis needs the exciting leftie as part of the sport’s ‘Big Four’. He’ll rightly be patient with his injury, but if he’s not right for the French it will be a hollow victory for the winner.

tntMagazine.com

01/02/2013 14:30:35

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Publicly lynching one man and his team will not solve this problem Lance Armstrong believes he’s a fall guy in cycling’s drug scandal and wants a Truth and Reconciliation Commission

England captain Chris Robshaw will be wary of Ireland’s threat

PREVIEW HISTORY TELLS US TO FORGET FORM IRELAND V ENGLAND SUN, 3PM, BBC ONE

England may be the favourites for the Six Nations, but this will be a match they’ve been especially wary of – not just because the Irish are a solid unit, but due to the pair’s history.

Nothing to do with politics, the simple fact is the two sides have played 21 times and England has only one win more than their rivals. The seven-time champs easily accounted for Ireland last year, 30-9, but that was at Twickenham, not Dublin, where England haven’t won in the Six

Nations for 10 years. The last time was in the same year they won the World Cup. In the other matches on Saturday, minnows Scotland and Italy will – barring an upset against one of the bigger nations – be playing to not end up with the wooden spoon. They also have an intriguing head-to-head going into the Murrayfield clash at 2.30pm, with the Scots up 7-6. The fancied France and last year’s winners Wales are up next at 5pm from Paris’s Stade de France. Holding on in Cardiff to win this clash 16-9 sealed last year’s Grand Slam for Wales.

THE CHAT | No knickers in Lingerie League

Hanging out with @Anthony-Mundine celebrating a victory.

We don’t pay attention to corrupt judges!

Sonny Bill Williams later apologised for this tweet after Daniel Geale’s victory

Every agent seems to be trying to screw each other. It’s like gang warfare … it is scary QPR boss Harry Redknapp on the fierce transfer window he battled last week

He’ll remain the second best, best-looking Englishman in France Marseille’s Joey Barton on David Beckham’s move to PSG in Ligue 1

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

RUGBY LEAGUE What do you mean there’s no more “lingerie” Q in the Lingerie Football League? put, what started as a sexy sideshow has become A Simply a highly competitive and skilled sport, so from this year the outfits in the newly named Legends Football League (to keep the LFL acronym) will reflect that. Players will no longer wear undies, but sports apparel – as modelled by Aussie Anna Heasman of the Green Bay Chill – still tight, but more akin to what is seen in gyms rather than sex shops. The response has been mixed, but with ESPN taking over broadcast rights from MTV, the sport’s arrived, impressive considering it started in 2009. They will also be getting bigger shoulder pads that offer protection rather than a frame for the women’s ‘front padding’.

Wigan v Warrington Two Super League giants do battle Fri, 7.30pm, Sky Sports 2

FOOTBALL Manchester United v Everton Leaders take on European challengers Sun, 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1

CRICKET Australia v West Indies Third, fourth and fifth one-dayers Wed, Fri, Sun, 3am, Sky Sports 1 & 2 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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01/02/2013 14:30:40

Copping a ‘hiding’ UFC powerhouse James Te Huna fights for Oz and NZ in London this month – he doesn’t need a catchy nickname WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Proudly proclaiming he fights as an ANZAC, just like his grandfather did in World War II, James Te Huna dismisses an age of sporting rivalry between the nation he grew up in, New Zealand, and Australia, where he’s been based for almost 13 years. “I’m from New Zealand but Australia’s a big part of where I am today, so I fight for both,” he says. Only a mug would question his allegiance – the 31-year-old has a formidable professional record and his name literally means “The Hiding”, a fair representation of the floggings he tends to give opponents with his attacking style.

Te Huna takes on tough Canadian Ryan Jimmo in a lightheavyweight bout at Wembley Arena when the UFC comes to the UK for the fifth time on February 16. It’s fair to call this the prime contender for fight of the night, with both men renowned for their aversion to taking a backward step.

“He’s a hard guy to fight, from what I’ve seen,” says Te Huna in the first of many understatements. “I watched the video of his first UFC fight but it doesn’t last all that long, not even 30 seconds.”

Jimmo’s UFC debut officially lasted seven seconds, including time for a touch of the gloves with UFC veteran Anthony Perosh before he delivered a thunderous right hand to his opponent’s left jaw and ended the fight in the equal fastest time in UFC history. He was no green-horn having fought 16 times with only one loss – in his first ever fight in 2007 – in Canada’s Maximum Fighting Championship.

“His previous fights went to decisions, and he didn’t really press the fight, just sucked people into going the same pace as him,” Te Huna muses. “But he can push a fight forward.

I’ve got a similar sort of style in wanting to push the fight, so I’ll be able to come at him and see if I can get him hurt early and get the win. I take risks but hopefully get the reward.

And the crowd seems to love it.”

The all-or-nothing approach likely stems from Te Huna’s upbringing, he says, without elaborating. He doesn’t claim to 48

TNT_1536_048 48

be fancy, just works hard and leaves nothing in The Octagon.

“I had a pretty simple childhood,” he says. “But it changed when I got into martial arts, watching a lot of Van Damme and Eighties martial arts movies. My uncle was into it and my father was a bit of a brawler, so I had it in my blood.”

It was inevitable Te Huna would find himself in a ring of some description, but he tried plenty before he found his home in the one with eight sides, a fence and a pot of gold.

“I started boxing as a teenager, and I wasn’t too good at that,” he says. “I think I just got bored of it. Then I came

“

I take risks, and the crowd seems to love it

”

across a kick-boxing gym and gave that a go, and didn’t do too well. Then I tried jujitsu, and didn’t do too well. I kept trying these things, but then there was a MMA tournament in Queensland, so I gave that a go and fell in love with it.”

His story had a long way to go. The Aussie-Kiwi didn’t take the sport seriously until he came in contact with Mark Hunt, who became a superstar of K-1 in Japan and also fights in the UFC now.

“I really got the boost I needed from meeting Mark,” Te Huna says. “He’s from a similar background, is Polynesian, and went from living in the gym to top of the world. I just thought if he could do it, what’s stopping me?”

Te Huna got the attention of the UFC – mixed martial arts’ pinnacle – via Australia’s Cage Fighting Championship.

“There was a CFC Grand Prix happening and it was rumoured that UFC was coming to Australia the next year,” he says. “I thought if I get a few wins up and win the title

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

01/02/2013 13:05:05

James Te Huna

Ryan Jimmo

Photos: Getty; UFC

Te Huna dominates Aaron Rosa (also right); uppercuts Ricardo Romero (left)

it’d give me a good chance to fight on the UFC undercard.”

Te Huna was working as a bricklayer at the time, but borrowed money from family and friends to be able to train full time for two months in the lead-up to the tournament.

“That was a bit of motivation,” he says with dry sarcasm.

“When I made the final I had to stop work and do it again.”

His opponent a couple of months later in the CFC final was an Australian UFC veteran with a familiar name, Perosh, the same bloke Jimmo decked on debut.

It took Te Huna a more considered two minutes and 21 seconds to inflict “the hiding”. But he was making sure of it.

“I had to be sensible and win the fight so I could pay my friends and family back,” he laughs.

That win led to Te Huna achieving his dream, the major contract, and as he’d hoped a slot on UFC 110 in Sydney in February 2010 against Igor Pokrajac, who he knocked out with 90 seconds to go in the third round.

In the four fights since, he’s had just one loss, by submission to six-foot-five-inch Swedish grappler Alexander Gustafsson, but a victory against Jimmo would take him to four in a row. Wins and entertainment factor make a UFC fighter gold dust for those who run the mammoth brand – the fastest growing sport in the world and a pay per view TV juggernaut – and Te Huna fits the bill on both.

“I’m chasing wins all the time but I know I’ve got a style that people like to watch,” he says. “I don’t take a backward step and I take risks all the time and try to push the fight.”

All he needs now is the recognition in his home country.

“In the States I get recognised as a fighter, but everyone in Australia and New Zealand think I must be a league or union player … I’d be bad at that too.”

UFC on Fuel TV Live in London, Saturday, February 16. Tickets from £55.85 to £220 Wembley Arena, HA9 0AA ufc.com/event/fuel7 Wembley Park Wembley Stadium

Champ: Brazil’s Renan Barão

barÃo tips ‘mayday’ call but respects mcdonald Brazilian bantamweight Renan Barão is tipping history to repeat itself when he takes on Michael McDonald in the headline UFC bout in London on February 16.

Barão has said he thinks McDonald, whose nickname is ‘Mayday’, is a similar opponent to Brad Pickett, the man he beat on his last visit to the UK. “They have the same game plan, they both have powerful hands, but Michael is a little taller with a bigger reach,” he told ESPN. “That’s the difference.”

Barão is defending his UFC interim bantamweight belt at Wembley Arena and hopes to produce something on McDonald that’s similarly as exciting as the rear naked choke he inflicted on Pickett .

“They’re both similar fighters, very similar styles, they’re both very talented,” he told ESPN. In McDonald’s last fight he spectacularly knocked out Miguel Torres, who had lost just once in 16 pro fights.

tntMagazine.com

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01/02/2013 13:05:12

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Deluded: Mundine celebrated a win even when everyone knew he lost

Bad sport Mundine’s fists couldn’t match his mouth

Surely a galant defeat to Geale wasn’t too much to ask … it was

» Agree or disagree? Is Mundine a hero or a loud-mouthed zero? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

TNT_1536_050 50

Can you hear that? The sweet blissful silence now the transfer window has been closed. Did you wake on Sunday and Monday morning and read reports about the matches from the weekend that actually talked about the games?

It’s a crazy thought, life without that industrial-sized bay bird exit creaking in the wind, but one I’ve dreamt about for a couple of months. The whole notion of the window sucks. It’s a fiesta of business transactions in which clubs who’ve spent poorly in the previous half of the season dig into their pockets to flog off their overpaid numpties and try to ressurect something

“

Stacks of speculation has come to nothing

”

from their season. Or, for big clubs to raid the desperate ones.

Newcastle’s basically a different side now with five French signings and QPR have some star power to help avoid the drop.

But mostly, a stack of speculation’s come to nothing and wasted column inches better filled with Joey Barton quotes.

Photo: Getty

If Anthony Mundine was playing a character to draw in the crowds, or engaging in a bit of gamesmanship to put his opponent off a bit, that’d almost be alright, but last week his bad sportsmanship and verbal bile went to a whole new level.

Surely devotees of ‘The Man and Greatest Athlete of All Time’ – his words – are having second thoughts about the merit of their allegiance. You’ve probably worked out I’m not a fan, but I’ve been willing to offer respect to a sublime athlete who was a bloody good rugby league player (albeit more for individual brilliance than for his team) and a skilled boxer. No more. The lead-up to and aftermath of his loss to Daniel Geale, who retained his rightly earned world middleweight boxing title, has made that impossible. Point blank, the guy is a gibberer who is wasting talent most of us would dream about by making brash, disrespectful and in some cases pig ignorant statements that help no one, least of all those he so vehemently claims to represent. He enters the ring to the voice of Ali, but couldn’t be further from the man who mixed politics with class in the ring with bravery and effect.

Mundine’s threat to boycott the national anthem before their bout meant it was played before the boxers entered the ring – if he was able to articulate his reasons and make his point without being such an arse, he’d earn respect. His refusal to touch gloves with fellow Aussie Geale before the final round (a traditional gesture of respect between boxers who’ve gone the distance) and then his childish walkout after everyone at the Sydney Entertainment Centre, most importantly the judges, declared he’d been out-boxed in about three-quarters of rounds. His claim that he was “ambushed” and “robbed” by the judges (all Australian).

Delusion is a friendly term. A guy with no one to say “pull your head in” would be generous.

Sad thing is he fought well. The underdog in every mind but his own and the bubble in which he lives, he wasn’t thrashed, just beaten. A humble defeat could have stemmed the boos he’s worked so hard to earn from his detractors, but that was too much to ask.

PHEW, THE WINDOW IS FINALLY CLOSED

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

01/02/2013 14:12:26

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01/02/2013 12:47:47

TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

WATCH THIS FACE A street dancer performs during the annual Grand Santo Nino Procession in Manila, Philippines, attended by Roman Catholics.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, TNT

INSIDE

COSY COTTAGES /56

CAPITALS OF KINK /66

SIN CITY /70

However you get your romantic kicks – outdoors, lazing by the fire, getting sloshed – these love nests are Valentine’s Day ready.

TNT gets daring and switches love hearts and roses for sheer lust, embracing the filth in some of Europe’s seediest corners.

Want to win big in Vegas? Dive into a world of glitzy casinos, glam showgirls, gourmet fare and Elvis impersonators.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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01/02/2013 15:22:57

TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

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More mo: Burt Reynolds wouldn’t make the finals

PLANE RUDE There’s one thing that annoys me above all else when I’m flying. It’s not delays, crappy food or even the screaming babies. No, it’s that moment before you take off, when cabin crew come round to check if you’ve got your seatbelt on. You say yes and then they say: “Can you show me, please?” Can I show you? Are you kidding me?

I’m not five years old. These days, if I say I’ve brushed my teeth, finished all my vegetables or am putting my coat on because it’s cold outside, then I’m probably not fibbing. The same is true of whether or not I’m wearing my seatbelt.

Asking to check, especially in that maddeningly officious “lets-just-besure-shall-we?” tone just, well, it makes me want to act up. Big time.

I want to unbuckle the damn thing, stand up, switch all my electrical equipment back on and, I dunno, hurl my freebie packet of mini pretzels in the air.

It’s these moments when I genuinely understand air rage. All that being told what to do – sit down, put that away, be good – just makes you regress to a nursery school frame of mind. No wonder you have grown men and women throwing toddler-esque tantrums on board. Who can blame Alec Baldwin for losing his shit and pounding the walls when asked to stop playing Words With Friends on his mobile?

Or Naomi Campbell for kicking Heathrow airport staff – god knows why. Well, OK, those are both terrible examples. But still, I’m sure everyone would behave a lot better on flights if they weren’t treated with that long-suffering, schoolteacher attitude. Perhaps they’re nicer to you in first class? I’ll let you know if I ever find out ...

What annoys you about flying? Write to

It isn’t a mirage. The camels you’ll see at this festival really are playing pool, taking part in a tug-of-war, racing and even dancing – the surreal 23-25 activities are all part of Jaisalmer’s annual desert festival. Many of the events involve hump-backed creatures, but there’s also snake-charming, folk music, gymnastics and puppet shows to entertain visitors.

FEB

WHY: The three-day festival is squarely aimed at tourists, but is none the worse for it. Based by the Jaisalmer Fort, it was set up to showcase as much of Rajasthani culture and heritage to visitors in a short space of time as possible, but it’s the festival’s wackier elements that have made it popular.

DIONYSIA

Greece

This huge wine tasting event in Athens gives you 9-10 the chance to get nose-deep in Greek wines – over 1000 are available for slurping. The event is named after an ancient festival in honour of the god Dionysus, which celebrated the cultivation of vines to make the good stuff.

FEB

dionysia.gr

ANIMATION FEST US

David Silverman, a famed director and producer of The 9-30 Simpsons, will be making an appearance at this 30th Anniversary Festival of Animation in San Diego, showcasing short animated flicks.

FEB-MAR

spikeandmike.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: You can get involved with the longest moustache competition. You don’t have a hope in hell of winning it, but overseas visitors are allowed to judge the competition and get a picture taken with the hirsute winner. jaisalmerdesertfestival.com

IVREA CARNIVAL

Italy

This carnival revolves around the Battle of Oranges, the 9-10 biggest food fight in Italy, apparently. The tradition’s origins are unclear, but one story says the city revolted against its ruler when he tried to rape a miller’s daughter. Nowadays the townspeople divide themselves into teams and throw fruit at each other.

FEB

storicocarnevaleivrea.it/English

DUBROVNIK CARNIVAL Croatia

Dating back to the 14th century, this is all about the 9-12 old-fashioned festivities.

Everyone dresses up in masks and Renaissance-era outfits, while jousting competitions take place in the streets.

FEB

selectdubrovnik.com

Photo: Getty

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paying for fresh air

Smoggy: The Forbidden City in Beijing shrouded by pollution

A Beijinger has started flogging fresh air in a can, after northern China’s pollution levels rose higher than ever. The concentration of polluting airborne particles went past the “hazardous” range and off the chart last week, according to the American Embassy in Beijing. Hospitals reported a sharp rise in admissions and visibility dropped to as low as 200m. So for 50p a pop businessman Chen Guangbiao started selling cans of air in flavours including ‘pristine Tibet’ and ‘post-industrial Taiwan’. He said he wanted to demonstrate that China’s air is so poisonous that the idea of bottled fresh air is no longer ridiculous.

Photo: Getty

world record surf Veteran surfer Garrett McNamara surfed an incredible 100ft wave in Portugal last week.

He already holds the title for the biggest wave ever surfed, but when the height of this one is verified, he’ll have broken his own record. The Hawaiian 45-year-old was towed in by a jet ski to catch the wave off the coast of Nazaré, which is known for its colossal swells. McNamara set his last record in the same place in 2011, on a wave measuring 90ft. As well as big-wave surfing, McNamara is also known for having ridden tidal waves from calving glaciers in Alaska.

Brazil’s qr codes Rio has launched a brilliant new scheme to help out tourists – QR codes embedded as mosaics in the pavement. The bar codes have been installed in the Arpoador district at the end of Ipanema beach, using the same black and white stones as are used to decorate the rest of the stretch with pictures of fish and waves. If you have a QR code-reading app on your smartphone, you can take a snapshot of the mosaic, and a map will appear to show you where you are, and provide information about the area – 30 QR codes in total will be installed at popular tourist sights across the city.

prague corruption A travel agency is tackling corruption in the Czech capital by taking visitors on a tour of its sites of sleaze and scandal. “We have corruption in our cultural heritage,” said Petr Sourek, who founded the CorruptTour agency.

“We want corruption in Prague to be listed

by Unesco.” Tours include the ‘Best of the Worst’, which includes a lecture on alleged dodgy weapons deals held outside the Ministry of Defence and the ’Crony Safari’, visiting the homes of mafia, businessmen and politicians.

Transparency International rank the Czech Republic 57th on their corruption index.

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Remote: snuggle up in Scotland’s Loch Feochan

Romantic hideaways UNITED KINGDOM

Get outdoorsy or, below left, stereotypically soppy

Bookish: Balleswidden Cabin; left, Apple Cottage 56

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UKTRIP

Cosy cottages However you get your romantic kicks – outdoors, lazing by the fire, getting sloshed – these love nests are Valentine’s Day ready WORDS HELEN ELFER

You know what day is coming up next week don’t you? No? Then you’re in big trouble, my friends. It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, so you’d better hurry up and start making some plans.

How about spending a couple of days in one of these romantic cottages, where you and your other half can spend some ‘quality time’ together (wink, wink)? We’ve found one that’ll suit every kind of couple.

For the adrenaline junkie couple WHERE: Blaendyffryn Fach, Wales.

WHY: Not the type of couple who want to sit about staring into each other’s eyes and smooching all day? Book your V-Day weekend at Blaendyffryn Fach in Wales. It’s a converted stone barn in a gorgeously scenic spot, with views of Llanllwni mountain. But forget about gazing through the windows at it. Get the blood pumping with a pony trekking or hiking session, or cycle the nearby Brechfa Forest mountain bike trail. When you’ve worn yourselves out, there’s a pub less than a mile away, The Talardd (talardd.com), where you can recuperate with a few pints of their award-winning ales.

THE DAMAGE: From £70pn.

BOOK IT: welsh-retreat.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock, wimdu.co.uk

For the boozy couple WHERE: Apple Cottage, Dorset.

WHY: If you and your loved one prefer romantic evenings to involve being half-cut – and who could blame you? – the best bet is to book Apple Cottage in Lyme Regis. The stone cottage used to be a cider barn, and if that knowledge whets your appetite for a pint, there’s a pub falling distance (200m) down the road. During the sober hours, you can go for hangover-easing walks in the fresh air along the Jurassic Coast – Charmouth Beach is just fifteen minutes’ drive away.

There’s also a paddock outside where chickens, sheep and pigs are kept, giving the place a real country vibe.

THE DAMAGE: From £225 per week.

BOOK IT: wimdu.co.uk For the bookish couple WHERE: Balleswidden Cabin, Cornwall.

WHY: Words rather than the wildlife get you going? Literary lovers will adore the quirky Balleswidden Cabin. It has floor-

to-ceiling shelves of books for you both to get stuck into and was originally built as a writer’s lodge – perfect for living out your Hunter S Thompson fantasies of scribbling away in a remote cabin with your muse in sight. In the evening, weather permitting, you can sit out under a blanket on the deck and see down to Land’s End. Need to warm up again?

Run a bubble bath for two in the huge claw-foot tub – now that’s romantic. The owner always throws in a hamper full of organic goodies, such as honey from her own bees and homemade blackberry jam. Sweet as.

THE DAMAGE: £80pn.

BOOK IT: canopyandstars.co.uk For the soppy couple WHERE: Cottage on Loch Feochan, Scotland.

WHY: This remote cottage in west Scotland has a roaring fire and a huge soft sofa, so bring along a bottle of red wine and you’ll have all the ingredients for an extremely old-school, romantic evening in. The property is surrounded by some seriously heart-stopping romantic scenery, so you can take walks across the Glen Ogle and the Falls of Dochart at Killin, or further west to the Cowal Peninsula’s fjords and wild forests. If you get sick of the sight of each other, Oban is the nearest town at 9km away, where you can visit the Oban Distillery and historic Scottish castles.

THE DAMAGE: £140pn.

BOOK IT: wimdu.co.uk For the surfy couple WHERE: Holiday Flat, Cornwall.

WHY: Porthtowan is a cute village on the Atlantic coast with terrific surf and this flat looks right onto the beach. Picture it now: frolicking in the waves together, the bracing sea water, impressing each other with your surfing prowess ... if all that doesn’t get your Wild winter: chilly hearts racing, warming swimming in Devon yourselves up will.

THE DAMAGE: £50pn.

BOOK IT: airbnb.co.uk

NEXT WEEK

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A three-day tour of Scotland is £72pp with Haggis Adventures

DEAL OF THE WEEK Lisbon break

£169

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Bruges A three-night break costs £336pp (save £91) with Kirker Holidays (kirkerholidays.com; 0207 5932283). Includes return firstclass Eurostar tickets and four-star, B&B accommodation at De Tuilerieen hotel.

Book by February 15. Valid for travel until March 27. Departs from St Pancras International.

French Alps Seven nights costs £445pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 1041000). Includes direct return flights and self-catering accommodation at the Residence Le Hameau Des Ecrins in Puy St Vincent. Departs from London Gatwick on February 23.

Tunisia A seven-night stay costs £291pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Hotel Riadh Palms. Departs London Gatwick on February 20.

> £500 Croatia A seven-day cruise costs £514pp (save £160) with Sail Croatia (sail-croatia.com; 0800 1938289). Includes en suite, on-board B&B accommodation, daily lunches, sailing from Split to Dubrovnik. Selected departures in June from Split. Book by February 15.

Sharm El Sheikh A sevennight Egypt holiday costs £502pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Iberotel Il Mercato hotel. Based on two people sharing. Departs London Gatwick on March 12.

Orlando Seven nights costs £577pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Enclave Suites.

Based on two sharing. Departs London Gatwick on February 25.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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Exchange rates* 1.51 Australian dollar New Zealand dollar 1.91 South African rand 13.7 Polish złoty 5.03 Euro 1.23 US dollar 1.61 Canadian dollar 1.6 Hong Kong dollar 12.3 Swedish krona 10.5 Swiss franc 1.48 Singapore dollar 1.98 Why use tntforex?

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prague A two-night stay costs £94pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Aida Hotel.

Departs London Stansted on March 13.

Amsterdam Two nights costs £121pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at the Best Western Blue Square. Departs London Southend on February 27.

Venice A two-night stay costs £125pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at Albergo All’Angelo Hotel. Departs London Southend on February 25. scotland A three-day Skye High trip costs £72pp (save 40 per cent) with Haggis Adventures (0845 0267576; haggisadventures.com).

Includes visits to Loch Ness, Eilean Donan Castle and Glencoe. Excludes accommodation and flights. Departs from Edinburgh on February 8 and 11.

Ireland A five-day Celtic Rocker trip is £135pp (save 40 per cent) with Shamrocker Adventures (shamrockeradventures.com; 0845 0267576). Visiting the Blarney Stone, Cliffs of Moher, Galway and Connemara. Trip excludes both accommodation and flights. Departs Dublin on February 11.

£250 – £500

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WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS WEEKEND BREAKS PARIS BY EUROSTAR from £229

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PRETTY IN PINK Chris Wright, England

SUNSET SILHOUETTES James Matthews, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS For me these colours have an instant impact. This man’s bright pink turban against the turquoise blue painted wall jumps off the page, leading us in to then study the detail in his face. There’s something about the seriousness of this chap’s expression and his deep, weary eyes – not to the mention the killer moustache – next to the bright colours of the hand-painted wall that makes this photo all the more interesting. It feels like an image from another country, another culture – the kind of snap you could only take on holiday, not at home.

WHY IT WORKS There are sunsets and sunsets, but if you were to conjure up the idea of a perfect one in your head, this may well match the image. The warm colour palette seems to feature every single shade imaginable between pink, purple and yellow. That against the shadowed figures on the rock and the curved lines of the lapping tide and tiny human figures makes for crackingly effective contrast.

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

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TOP FIVE

Chinatowns

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manila, philippines

Bliss-out beach

bottle beach 1 overview Does your happy place involve beach shacks, swimming pools, palm trees, cocktails and hot, clean sands? Then the spot you’re thinking of is Bottle Beach 1 Resort, on the north side of Thai island Koh Phangan. The Bottle Beach location is ridiculously pretty – you’re guaranteed all the serene, purplepink sunsets and lapping waves you can handle – but you don’t have to miss out on any of the party action, as the resort can arrange transport to and from the Haad Rin full moon parties on the other side of the island. They can also arrange boat trips to nearby islands, snorkeling, massages, yoga and all sorts of other activities. No matter what you do, eat or drink here, it’s impossible to spend more than a few quid.

WOW factor The staff here like to party as hard as the tourists, so stick around the bar in the evenings and before you know it you’ll be roped into one of their late-night rum sessions, probably accompanied by some drunken acoustic guitar strumming.

ROOMS Detached bungalows, which are dotted about in the garden or closer to the sand, come with far more mod cons then you’d imagine from a Thai beach hut – includes TV, hot water and fresh towels.

Bill, please A garden deluxe room (sleeps two) costs £25pn.

bottlebeach1resort.com

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Ready for another round of New Year’s Eve celebrations? On February 10, you should be celebrating the start of the Year of the Snake, according to the Chinese lunar calendar. What does that mean exactly? Well we’ll leave the year’s complicated fortunetelling to the zodiac experts but we do predict a lot of firecrackers, enormous banquets and plenty of red and gold decorations as the diaspora celebrate in Chinatowns across the world.

If you fancy joining in the celebrations, why not take yourself to one of the world’s earliest major Chinatowns? The Chinese enclave of Binondo in the Philippines’ Manila was established in 1594 by Spanish Governor Luis Pérez Dasmariñas, who wanted to provide a home for the Chinese who had converted to Catholicism. It developed into a glitzy finance hub, becoming known as the “Wall Street of the Philippines” in the early 19th century.

Now, however, the area is a little shabbier and definitely more about Chinese culture than commerce. There

are currently 1.5 million ethnic Chinese people living in the Philippines, and just this month the nation’s senate declared Chinese New Year an official holiday as a sign of goodwill between the two cultures – which means you can expect the celebrations this year to be massive.

Traditionally, there’s a fireworks display at midnight to mark the new year as well as fire breathing performances, a dragon dance procession and hundreds of red and gold lanterns lit along the side streets.

Ongpin Street, the main hub, is pedestrianised and lined with people selling snacks and lucky charms. Of course, a big meal shared with family friends is an essential part of any Chinese New Year festivities, and you’ll find Ongpin Street is lined with restaurants serving dishes from numerous regions across China. Lucky dishes to eat to honour this celebration are noodles for a long life, spring rolls which symbolise wealth and whole chickens, which represent family togetherness. tourism-philippines.com

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BANGKOK, THAILAND

Stretching along Yaowarat Road from Odeon Circle, Bangkok’s Chinatown is marked by a ceremonial Chinese gate at the entrance.

Packed into this area is a dazzling amount of gold and pawn shops, alongside brightly painted ChineseBuddhist temples. On New Year’s Day, visit Leng Noei Yi Temple where you can pay your respects, or have a go at ‘siem-see’ (fortune sticks) to predict what’s in store for the year ahead. bangkok.com

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

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AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

Trade in the red lights of Amsterdam’s seediest district for the fluorescent signs of Chinatown on Zeedijk Street.

The largest Chinese-style Buddhist temple in Europe, called Fo Guang Shan He Hua, is here and is free to visitors every day except Monday.

After visiting, whet your appetite with a stroll past the restaurants that showcase juicy ducks roasting in the windows, or pick up a waving golden cat (thought to bring wealth) from the Chinese trinket stores. amsterdam.info/chinatown

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TOP FIVE

JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA

In Johannesburg, there are actually two Chinatowns – the old and the new.

The new Chinatown in Cyrildene’s Derrick Avenue has flourished since the old area on Commissioner Street became run down and dilapidated. The Chinese population migrated and here there’s everything from Chinese-run electronics stores to massage parlours and canteenstyle restaurants. southafrica.net

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SAN FRANCISCO, US

San Francisco’s Chinatown is the largest outside of Asia, and for Chinese New Year it draws more than 400,000 people to mark the celebrations.

Festivities include the New Year Parade, a colourful procession of stilt walkers, acrobats, school marching bands and dancers, who make their way through the streets ahead of a huge, 201-foot-long golden dragon.

When the parade finishes, thousands of firecrackers are set off.

NEXT WEEK Good love: The world’s most romantic places

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LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

four years of travelling in Europe Q After and East Africa I’m now looking for something new. I’ve been through eastern Europe and Russia, and have done all the usual suspects. Do you have some new, fresh suggestions for places in or near Europe that are off the tourist trail?

Sonya, via email could be tricky Sonya, as it sounds as A This though you have travelled widely, but my

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you could let me know what else is nearby that would be of interest for the rest of my time in that part of Spain?

Sophie, via email is one of the world’s best festivals, A BBK nominated for numerous awards and this year boasting an impressive line-up, including Kings of Leon and Fatboy Slim. The festival also has the advantage of being held on the outskirts of Bilbao, so you are able to easily explore this fabulous city as well enjoying the delights of BBK Live. Fly into Bilbao from London and spend a couple of days getting to know the arty side of Spain. Home to the Guggenheim Museum, Frank Gehry’s incredible steel structure houses a huge selection of world famous art works including some from Andy Warhol and Mark Rothko.

The city’s regeneration has given rise to a young, fashionable culture, with an old town that comes alive at night. In the Casco Viejo quarter you’ll find lots of tiny bars bursting with character. Be sure to tuck into Basque speciality pintxos, a great value type of tapas.

Although Bilbao itself has a number of decent beaches, it is worth making the trip to Mundaka, which is said to have Europe’s best surf break less than an hour’s drive east. The town itself is a pleasant destination too, with a traditional Basque port. Or head further east to San Sebastian’s beautiful beaches or south to La Rioja to sample some great wines.

BOOZE HOUND Doesn’t matter where you go, just be sure to stock up on loads of duty-free vino on the way! Me and my girlfriend always book a last minute Valentine’s break somewhere cheap in Europe and then buy lots of discount wine at the airport. We always have a good time.

Ross Robinson, via email SPANISH SEASIDE, BABY! Tossa de Mar, one hour north of Barcelona, is a secret destination for Spaniards. It’s a mix of Venice’s narrow cobbled streets, Mykonos’s white buildings and the amazing food of Barca with the ocean on your doorstep, scooters and an underwater world to snorkel. Heaven. Beware, I’m pretty sure many a baby has been made here!

Skye Worrell, via Facebook

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Photos: Thinkstock

recommendation would be to consider the lesser known parts of traditional destinations. Every destination in the world will have exciting areas that are off the beaten track.

This is particularly true of Turkey, as much of the tourism is based around the coastline and cosmopolitan Istanbul. Head inland to get away from the tourist trail, however, and there is lots to discover. Southeastern Anatolia is a fascinating destination, made up of historic cities and breathtaking scenery. The historic city of Mardin is a highlight, with its cobbled streets and ancient buildings which are the perfect setting in which to discover thousands of years of history, dating back to Roman times.

The bazaar is a traditional example of a Turkish covered market, where donkeys are still the main form of transport. Make sure you visit the hammam, which has great views over the Mesopotamian hills and is steeped in Roman history. Also in this region, Gaziantep is worth a trip. Reputedly the home of baklava, this fastpaced city is a food lover’s dream.

would like to visit Bilbao BBK Live Q Ifestival this summer and I wondered if

READERS’ TIPS ON ROMANCE

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A specimen at Iceland’s Phallological Museum

Reykjavik and, below, evening in Paris

Amsterdam’s red light district and, right, the cabaret in Berlin

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Capitals of kink TNT gets daring and switches love hearts and roses for sheer lust, embracing the filth in some of Europe’s seediest corners Words Helen Elfer

Teddies holding heart cushions make you want to vom?

Does the sight of smug people clutching bunches of roses mean you might end up clawing your own eyes out? Perhaps just the thought of spending the weekend all snuggled up in a cosy cottage with a loved one (such as those on P56) makes your heart pound with horror.

Then boy, have we got an alternative for you. Get your kicks this Valentine’s Day by diving face-first (ahem) into one of Europe’s horniest cities. From goggling at Berlin’s burlesque shows, to shamelessly slobbering over the nudie ladies in the windows of Amsterdam’s Red Light District, throw romance out the window this year, and head for the continent to dig out some dirt.

Paris WHY: Parisians might be fond of walking hand in hand along the Champs-Elysees and whispering sweet nothings to each other in the language of love – but they also know how to crank up the raunch factor. Find out how it’s done a la Francais at the Museum of Eroticism, a sex museum which showcases everything from erotic art (a vagina served up on a dinner plate, Peruvian phallic pottery and a statue of a woman with water pumping out of her nipples all feature), to a permanent exhibition devoted entirely to the legal brothels of the 19th and early 20th centuries. There are seven floors of kink altogether – think you’ve got the stamina?

By night, head to the infamously saucy Moulin Rouge for some more retro raunch – world-renowned showgirls in feathers, rhinestones and sequins and little else doing the French Cancan. This venue might be full of wide-eyed tourists getting their kicks these days, but in the late 19th century, the Moulin Rouge dance hall was where people from all strata of Parisian society – loaded businessmen and boho artistic types – would come to let their hair down. It was nicknamed ‘The First Palace of Women’ because courtesans would use the seductive Cancan dance to attract business.

Ooh la la!

MORE: Tickets start from £81.50pp for a show at the Moulin Rouge (moulinrouge.fr). Entrance to the Museum of Eroticism is £8pp (musee-erotisme.com).

LUST FACTOR: Sophisticated sleaze: 6/10.

GO: Fly London Luton to Paris for £61 return with easyJet (easyjet.com).

Reykjavik WHY: Let’s cut to the chase – hands up if you’d like to while away a few hours checking out penises. OK, OK, this might not be a particularly erotic experience as such, but at the jaw-dropping Icelandic Phallological Museum, there are more than 215 phallic specimens taken from mammals native to Iceland. These include polar bears, walrus and sperm whales – gents can take the opportunity to see how they measure up to the 67-incher belonging to the latter. There’s also the carefully preserved organ of an elderly Icelandic chap who generously donated his piece to the museum.

For more genital-related giggles, head upstairs to view the “artistic oddments and other practical utensils related to the museum’s chosen theme”, as the museum’s website puts it – a cock-shaped lampshade is among this collection. Like what you see? Then become an ‘honourary member’ (tee hee).

LUST RATING: More hilarious than horny: 1/10.

MORE: Entrance fee costs £5pp (phallus.is).

GO: Fly from London Heathrow to Reykjavik return from £311pp with Icelandair (icelandair.is). ››

Kicking off: see the Cancan at Moulin Rouge tntMagazine.com

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Amsterdam Now you’re really in the capital of vice. Glance in any window in the Red Light District or around Rembrandtplein and you’ll be greeted with the sight of enormous dildos, rubber butts, and real ladies in their underwear touting for business. For those who just want to dip a toe into the world of sleaze, start off with a guided tour of the infamous Red Light District, which includes a stop at The Condomerie, which is the world’s first specialised condom shop (no harm in stocking up while you’re here), a walk down Warmoesstraat, the hardcore leather neighbourhood, and a visit to an S&M specialist. That’s as far as we’re willing to take you with recommendations for kinky Amsterdam – from here on you’ll have to seek out your own filth.

LUST RATING: Whatever murky desires you’re looking to have fulfilled, Amsterdam’s the place: 9/10.

MORE: Take a Red Light District Tour for £10pp with Sandemans (newamsterdamtours.com).

GO: Fly from London Heathrow to Amsterdam return from £130 with Royal Dutch Airlines (klm.com).

Berlin Life is a cabaret in Berlin, and if it’s not a cabaret, it’s a kinky clubbing extravaganza. Start off a suitably sleazy evening at the KitKatClub (kitkatclub.org). The first thing you need to know about this venue is that it was launched by an Austrian porn filmmaker. The second is that there is a strict dress code of fetish, latex, and leather. The third, and most significant, is that patrons are allowed to have sex inside, just, like, all over the place (you should mind where you sit down). This makes for an appallingly sleazy free-for-all which you’ll either love or loathe. If you prefer watching the bad behaviour rather than taking part, revert to Berlin’s cabaret tradition instead.

Bassy Cowboy Club is ever-popular and features a regular party night called Pinky’s Peepshow. This long-running show is described as “deathly romantic burlesque, vaudeville, and cabaret to die for”. Just what the doctor ordered.

LUST RATING: Titillating or terrifying? You decide: 7/10.

MORE: Pinky’s Peepshow takes place on Wednesdays (bassy-club.de). Entrance is £8.60pp.

GO: Fly from London Gatwick to Berlin for £61 return with easyJet (easyjet.com).

Britain’s Baddest Sin cities closer to home

Here comes trouble: typical dress code in UK fetish clubs Want a bit of of the action closer to home? The UK isn’t without its sleazy cities. It’s old-fashioned sauce down south or or full-on fetish up north – take your pick.

Manchester Got to applaud a city that regularly defaces the street signs of Canal Street, the central road in the gay village, so that they read ‘anal treet’. Ho ho ho. Some of the clubs on this stretch welcome a mixed crowd, others have a gay-only policy, so check before you visit. Elsewhere in the city, fetish clubs are springing up like, well, use your imagination. Club Lash, a notorious fetish/S&M club held on the second Friday of every month, “welcomes all polite perverts” and suits all manner of quirky tastes. Be prepared to dress to the nines for a night here as you’ll be refused entry otherwise. The entrance fee costs £15 for non-members. clublash.com Glasgow Glasgow’s famed Club Noir is officially the Guinness World Record holder for being the biggest burlesque club in the world. It’s hosted burlesque performances watched by 2000 people, all dressed to kill in anything from military uniform to zoot suits for the gents and Moulin Rouge or showgirl outfits for the ladies. The shows feature striptease, fetish acts, live music and circus performers. clubnoir.co.uk

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Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Phallus.is

All a-flutter: burlesque in Berlin

Brighton Brighton has got its fair share of seedy clubs too, naturally, but for a bit of gentle titillation, embrace the world of old-fashioned seaside cheekiness. B&B Snooze, a retro hotel, offers its guests a night in their themed saucy suites. Each room in the collection is different, with one featuring luxe red curtains and vintage photographs of scantily clad ladies on the wall, while another is devoted to the swinging Sixties. snoozebrighton.com

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Las Vegas nevada, us

US Las Vegas

GETTING THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Las Vegas with Virgin Atlantic from ÂŁ573 return. virgin-atlantic.com

Los Angeles

City of sin: ready to hit the big time?

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Everyone’s a sinner Want to win big in Vegas? Dive head first into a world of glitzy casinos, glam showgirls, gourmet fare and Elvis impersonators Words craig Sheather

I’m sitting at a roulette table in the famous Golden Nugget Casino. There are four tall towers of chips rising off the surface in front of me like skyscrapers. A small crowd has gathered to watch the result. The croupier spins the wheel and then rolls the ball around the track. All I need is black.

The anticipation is unbearable. The ball loses momentum and falls onto the wheel.

It bounces around and then eventually settles in its final resting pocket. There is a gasp from the onlookers. My heart sinks. It’s red!

It all happened so quickly. Before I knew it Las Vegas had seduced me, sucked me in and bled me dry. I had won and lost my fortune in the blink of an eye. One moment I was on top of the world and the next I was crying in my beer. Like many punters before me, greed was my downfall. Damn you, Vegas!

WHEN TO GO: It’s pretty much high season year-round in Vegas – the weather is always warm or hot and most activities take place indoors anyway. March-May has the most comfortable temperatures, in the mid-20˚Cs, while in the hottest months, July and August, the mercury often hits 40˚C+.

CURRENCY: £1= US$1.60 ACCOMMODATION: Golden Gate is a vintage casino hotel on Fremont Street, stuffed with quirky Vegas-themed Victoriana, such as antique slot machines. Double rooms start from £20pn. goldengatecasino.com SEE: vegas.com

Ye Olde Vegas From underground illegal gambling dens to the boom of the glitzy mega-resorts, punters have always been attracted to Vegas like a moth to a light bulb – and there are plenty of bright lights to be dazzled by. Even when Nevada tried to outlaw gambling in 1910, unauthorised games were quickly set up for those who liked a flutter, and patrons who knew the password continued to joust day and night with Lady Luck. Authorities turned a blind eye and gambling flourished until 1931 when it was legalised again.

Today, tourists flock to the city not just to gamble, but also for the fantastic entertainment, world class restaurants and the chance to drop in on one of the wonders of the natural world, the nearby Grand Canyon. It’s one heck of a playground.

Disappointed by my roulette loss, I reluctantly exit the Golden Nugget and stroll onto Fremont Street. My mood’s instantly changed by the electric atmosphere. This stretch is home to legendary casinos, free entertainment, oldfashioned gambling hospitality and a party atmosphere.

On any given night you can expect to see famous bands, strolling showgirls, celebrity impersonators or amazing street

performers. The most obvious and largest part of the Fremont Street Experience is the Viva Vision canopy and light show. The canopy towers 90-feet above the ground and spans the length of five football fields, while the screen contains 12.5 million synchronised LED lamps, making its projection surface the largest screen in the world.

Each night on the hour the show features tributes to Bon Jovi, Queen, Kiss and other rock legends and, best of all, thrill-seekers can breeze right beneath the Viva Vision canopy on a zip line. Before I know it, I’m being strapped into a harness suspended from cable wires. After a tension-building countdown, I launch from the platform and soar underneath the colourful laser light show.

At the bottom of the ride, I bump into an Elvis busker singing Viva Las Vegas, naturally. Impersonators are a dime a dozen here but this guy has the voice, hair, costume, dance moves and even real sideburns down to a tee. After his song I flip him a few coins, hoping karma may bring some winnings my way. In an authentic Elvis accent he replies, “Thank you. Thank you very much. I hope you win your jackpot.” “Thank you. Thank you very much,” I drawl back. “I need all the luck I can get.”

A grand flight For those (like me) who gamble away more money than they care to lose and need to regain their mojo, the Grand Canyon is the perfect place to escape the crowds and bright lights. Thankfully, there isn’t a casino in sight.

It’s easy to see why the Canyon is the most popular natural attraction near Vegas. More than 450km long, 1.8km down at its deepest point and almost 30km across in some places, this natural wonder of the world will impress even the most jaded of travellers.

The rising of the Colorado Plateau combined with six million years of erosion has created one of the planet’s deepest gorges, which can be admired from the air (via plane and helicopter) or after a long drive from ‘the strip’. ›› tntMagazine.com

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Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Clockwise: Vegas’s famous ‘strip’; punters on Fremont Street; glitzy burlesque showgirls limbering up Sitting in the comfort of an air-conditioned chopper I enjoy a bird’s eye view of the Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, extinct volcanoes and the Grand Canyon. The sight is, of course, magnificent, and I find the sheer scale of the place, with its ancient rock formations and intricate patterns heightened by the bright sunshine, utterly mesmerising.

During the flight however, the effects of sleep deprivation – jet lag and late Vegas nights – are taking their toll. I slip into a series of micro sleeps, awaking each time I headbutt the window. As we disembark the chopper the pilot reassures me that I’m not the first person visiting Vegas to fall asleep during the world’s most amazing flight. Sin City certainly takes its toll.

nearly a riot when the girls, dressed as flirty flight attendants, invite one lucky “passenger” to go on stage and join their “mile high club”. Every male in the audience jumps off their seats hoping to be chosen. To the tune of Lenny Kravitz’s Fly Away, the leggy dancers provide the strip tease of the century to the lucky man. The smile on his face says it all – he didn’t need slot machines to win today’s jackpot.

However, when mid-show comic Nancy Ryan takes the stage I stop drooling and sink back into my chair, eager ››

Entertainment galore After my day of clean living, I’m back in town and ready for another night out. The choice of entertainment can be overwhelming: magicians, singers, comedians, strippers, live bands, dancers, musicals, circuses but I go for a Vegas institution – a celebrated burlesque show.

The setting for X Burlesque is the intimate 180-seat theatre at the Flamingo Casino. Edgy choreography, creative props and six beautiful dancers combine to form one of the sexiest shows on the strip. The show allows for a lot of upclose-and-personal interaction with the dancers, who venture out into the crowd and perform on a stripper pole in the centre of the room. There is

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Do look down: it’s the Grand Canyon!

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shouldn’t just be cute and fluffy, it should have a purpose, like providing some sort of transport alternative like a horse (or food?) or a spider, for warding of house invaders Home Alone style. Steven CHOOSE CHOO : Just got back from a quick holiday – it was awesome but the plane was utterly shitful. I’ve decided trains are way better than planes. Sure, one has a distinct advantage over the other, particularly when travelling between continents separated by oceans, but the other is cool, retro, and has much nicer views. Chris

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PANTS PARTY: Big love to the birthday crew for an incredible night of karaoke and crazy dancing in Rowans. Such a dive, so awesome. You know it’s a good night when you can’t find your pants or your trousers for the first half of the next day. Even better when you eventually discover your pants under the rug and your trousers under the sofa. Little Bob CREEPY WEIRDO : To the slimy man at She-Bu Walkie on Saturday night, please delete my number.

I don’t even remember you, and after my friends showed me the photos of you to take the piss, I’m glad I don’t. I have a boyfriend, and had downed about 47 shots of sambuca. DON’T EVER CALL ME. Rock chick LET’S GNASH OFF : To the girl who loves my teeth, wish we could’ve stayed in that bar forever.

Saying goodbye sucked. I’ll miss you and your fondness for my gnashers. G-Man DATE, ANYONE? : Righto London. I am so bloody sick of being single that I make you this promise: no matter what your age, gender, sexual orientation, pay packet, ugliness level or even cleanliness, if you ask me out on a date, I’ll say yes. I’ll be at The King’s Head in Crouch End on Friday night, wearing a tight red dress. If you don’t wanna go out with me, at least buy me a G&T, eh? Karen SLEB SHAG : Daniel Craig, was that you on the Northern Line at around 3pm last Wednesday? I’m guessing probably not, but whoever

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