TNT Magazine / Issue 1541 by TNT Magazine

March 11-17 2013 Issue 1541 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

TICKETS TO THE STAR-STUDDED LONDON PREMIERE OF G.I. JOE

SMOKIN’ CRAIC Hot spots for St Patrick’s Day

LAND OF FIRE & ICE Blue lagoons and geysers in Iceland

GET YOUR GEEK ON Can you handle full-frontal nerdity?

BITE ME

S G I G T S E G BIG

don’s stage n o L r fo t e s are ala and more p Im e m a T , kins ashing Pump m S , ro ly C Biffy

+ SCORE WORK IN IBIZA SCHOOL FOR PSYCHICS BEST OF BUENOS AIRES LATE TRAVEL DEALS

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14/02/2013 11:25:07

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER A massive thanks to all of you who made it down to the TNT Travel Show at the weekend, making it our biggest and best dealtastic extravaganza yet. Did you sign our UKBA Balls-Up petition while you were there? If not, flip to P44 and find out how you can help us take the UK’s shambolic visa services to task. And check out the response to our campaign so far on P18. It’s well worth getting on board – let’s make a difference.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY

ST PADDY’S EVENTS

LONDONNEWS

DRINK & EATS

14 &17

COMPETITION

@TNT

SPOTTED

LONDON SOUND

CHATROOM ED STAFFORD

LONDON SCENE

FEATURES

LONDON FOCUS

SALUTE TO ROCK

SPARE TIME

Give up your best devil horns for the year London topped itself for great rock gigs

LIFESTYLE

HEALTH AND BEAUTY

FUNNY GEEK-CHIC

CAREERS

MONEY

Comedy trio Festival of the Spoken Nerd combine their cleverness with chuckles

NEWS & SPORT TRAVEL

Photos: Getty

34-39

40-50

THE OTHER SIDE

53-71

See dead people? TNT tests the claims at London’s oldest psychic school

DIARY

NEWS

UK TRIP

LATE DEALS

HOTSHOTS

TOP FIVE

We ﬁnd the beautiful land of ﬁre and ice delivers most of all with its wet wonders

TIPS

ARGENTINE ACTION

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

72-97 98

UKBA BALLS-UP

TNT was inundated with horror stories on the launch of our visa shambles campaign

FIRE AND ICELAND

Experience gaucho ranch life, eclectic barrios and a sexy tango in Buenos Aires

68 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Daisy Carrington; Charlotte Maguire

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Naked and famous: Lewis Schaffer now charges to see his funny goods

Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London, EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON schaffer’s american guide to england Leicester Square

New York stand-up Lewis Schaffer has been playing his Free Until Famous show in London for ages – it is the town’s longest running solo comedy show. But the ‘until’ part of this has now come true, and the erstwhile humourist has, as he puts it, his first ‘paid shows’ coming up, the aforementioned Yankee’s guide to Blighty (which he freely admits includes Scotland and Wales, and often Ireland as well). He’ll be teaching the Brits, and other expats, about Britishness, with his trademark US-led rhetoric. £10+

Sundays, Mar 17-Apr 21, 6pm (except Apr 7, 5pm) Leicester Square Theatre, WC2H 7BX Leicester Square

human rights watch film fest

japan tsunami celebration of photo exhibition maori culture

The 17th annual Human Rights Watch Film Festival shines a light, through both documentary and features, on key issues and struggles around the world. Important films to look out for include Congo-set War Witch and The Gatekeepers, a doco about Israel’s secret intelligence service’s decades-long counterterrorism activities.

It’s been two years already and this new photographic exhibition, The Great East Japan Earthquake, looks back on that fateful day on which the earth reminded us how powerful it can be. Looking at the event, aftermath and the recuperation, it’s been shown already in Seoul, Jakarta and Bangkok in 2012, and now hits London.

Maori music and dance is the focus of this day as part of the Guildford International Music Festival. This will be a day of events and performances at Clandon Park’s Hinemihi, the only historic Maori meeting house (whare nui) in the UK and one of only a handful outside of NZ. A surprising Surrey heritage secret.

Until Mar 17, 11am-6pm Gallery@OXO, SE1 9PH Tott Crt Rd 2yearsafter.co.uk

Mar 17, 6.15pm GU4 7RQ East Clandon guildfordinternationalmusicfestival.co.uk

£Various

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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leicestersquaretheatre.com

Mar 13-22, times vary Across London ff.hrw.org

FREE

£12

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Emerging markets: The Hoxton Hotel’s weekend-long pop-up

Represent your country

HOXTOWN POP-UP MARKET Hoxton

Awesome tours The Hoxton Hotel hosts its very first market pop-up, but rather than shabby stalls on some windy street, the hotel’s two meeting rooms become the home of all manner of outlets and attractions. There will be a denim room from Mint Voyage, a pop-up bar courtesy of The Hox Grill, sexy undies from Sam at Bunnies Forever, as well as loads of DJs and tunes to get you groovin’ while you peruse. FREE

Mar 16-17, 12pm-5pm 81 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HU

Old Street

hoxtonhotels.com

SPRIZZATO SEDUCTION CLASS OVINE AND WINE Learn to love like an Italian with this seduction class thrown by the folks behind the Italian apperitivo (which arrives over here this week). It will teach you how to score for sure, but it’s not like you need any pointers anyway, right? Professional pickerupper Johnny Cassell will be on hand to dispense some tips, just in case.

This sheep supper club at the Jugged Hare in Barbican takes one of the cutest of all of our four-legged farmyard friends and puts it to good use on the table. It will look at the sheep in all its stages, from lamb to hogget to mutton and ewe cheese, even, showing there’s no better animal to take pride of place on your plate.

Mar 13, 7pm-9pm Central & Co, W1F 7HU Oxford Circus sprizzato.com

Mar 13, 7pm The Jugged Hare, EC1Y 4SA Barbican thejuggedhare.com

Photos: Remko Hilhorst

FREE

Weekend festivals

Weekly after match socials

£75

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ST PADDY’S DIARY

@tntmagazine

THE WATER POET Irish flair: central London goes green this Sunday

Treat yourself to a weekend of craic at this Spitalfields boozer, which is going green for the whole two days. Enjoy a full Irish breakfast on Saturday, and station yourself by the Guinness Island, a bar dedicated to serving the black stuff. There’s also Six Nations Rugby on all seven big screens, with Ireland v Italy kicking off at 2.30pm. On Sunday, soak up the previous day’s excesses with Irish stew and Kilravoc spit roast hog, and stick around for live music from Auburn Fox, who’ll be serving up trad tunes at 4.30pm and 7pm. FREE

ST PATRICK’S DAY PARADE CENTRAL LONDON

March 16-17. Sat, 11am-11pm; Sun, 12pm-10.30pm 9-11 Folgate Street, Spitalfields, E1 6BX Liverpool Street waterpoet.co.uk

WAXY O’CONNORS

A sea of green will sweep from Piccadilly to Trafalgar Square this Sunday, March 17, for St Patrick’s Day, as marching bands, floats and costumed characters get into the spirit of the day and parade through town. The route takes in Regent Street and Pall Mall before finishing up at the St Patrick’s Day Festival in Trafalgar Square, where Irish culture is celebrated in all its glory, from traditional dancing and live music to DJs keeping the party atmosphere pumping. There’s even a London Irish Comedy Festival Marquee, and food and drink stalls are set to serve up the taste of the Emerald Isle. FREE

March 17, 12pm-6pm Starts top of Piccadilly by Green Park, ends Trafalgar Square london.gov.uk/events

One of London’s biggest Irish pubs – six levels – will be in one hell of a celebratory mood come Sunday. They’ve got a ‘weekend’ of festivities starting on Thursday, with action from 11am ‘til 1am on Sunday to make sure the party rocks long and hard. FREE

March 17, 11am-1am 14-16 Rupert Street, W1D 6DD Piccadilly Circus waxyoconnors.co.uk

O’NEILL’S, SHE BU

ROOF GARDENS

THE CORRIB REST

O’Neill’s is pumping up the patriotic pride in advance of St Patrick’s Day by staging a world record attempt for the most people Irish jigging from 8pm prompt on March 14. If getting jiggy with it isn’t your thing, rock up on Sunday for sports, drinks (try Ireland’s oldest ale, Smithwick’s, for something different) and craicing Irish food.

Rise above the St Paddy’s pandemonium at street level and get yourself along to this lush escape 100ft above Kensington High Street. There’ll be a BBQ, DJ sets, a screening of the Ireland v Italy game, and plenty of drinks specials. The entry fee includes a burger, a drink and access to the screenings of all three Six Nations matches.

There’ll be live music throughout the day at this little Irish gem in north London. So make sure you pack your dancing shoes – no doubt the Guinness and whiskey that’ll be flowing will help you learn the moves. There’s also loads of Irish grub up for grabs, from traditional stew to bacon and cabbage. Sláinte!

March 17, 12pm-11pm 2 Goldhawk Road, W12 8QD Shepherd’s Bush oneills.co.uk

March 16, 12pm-8pm 99 Kensington High Street, W8 5SA High Street Kensington roofgardens.virgin.com

March 17, from 12pm 76-80 Salusbury Road, NW6 6PA Queens Park claddagh-ring.co.uk

FREE

tntMagazine.com

FREE

Photo: Getty

£15

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

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08/03/2013 15:12:51

LONDONNEWS

@tntmagazine

SUMMER FESTS SPOIL SPORTS IN HACKNEY Not everyone loves summer music festival season it would seem, as local cricketers and footballers who play on Hackney Marshes claim such events will make it impossible for them to carry on with their beautiful games. Players said last June’s BBC Radio 1 Hackney Weekend, at which Jay-Z and Rihanna performed, ruined grass to the extent that it had still not recovered. However, Hackney council reportedly wants government permission to hold “major public events” on the marshes every summer until 2017. The marshes have 82 full-sized soccer, rugby and cricket pitches, where hundreds of matches are played every week.

People on the platform gave us a rapturous round of applause The grandmother of the baby born on a rush hour train from London last week, Mari-Anne Stanley, describes the attendant commuter camaraderie

BABY LEFT ON BUS TO BE INVESTIGATED Haringey Council has launched an investigation after a baby in a pram was left on a bus by its foster carer. The child was checked at hospital and returned to care, but the case is another embarrassment for the council’s social services, which faced criticism over the death of a child in the infamous ‘Baby P’ scandal of 2007.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

CIRCLE: No service between Hammersmith and Edgware Road all weekend.

DISTRICT: No service between Bromleyby-Bow and Upminster all weekend.

HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No service

between Moorgate and Barking all wknd.

METROPOLITAN: No service between

Harrow-on-the-Hill and Aldgate all wknd.

Camden Town, Mill Hill East and High Barnet all weekend.

VICTORIA: No service between Seven Sisters and Walthamstow Central all wknd.

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Super cycling track is all set London will get a £913m 15-mile bike trail through the city centre London is to get a 15-mile segregated cycling track through western suburbs and central London as part of the capital’s continued commitment to invest in cycling, mayor Boris Johnson has announced. The £913m scheme is scheduled to begin opening in 2016 and would run along areas such as Victoria Embankment. The track would be built parallel to Tube lines and bus routes to make it easy for riders to plan their journeys. Johnson said of the ambitious proposals: “I want to de-Lycrafy cycling. I want to make it normal, something for everyone, something you feel comfortable doing in your ordinary clothes. “Our new routes will give people the confidence to get in the saddle.”

Johnson added that making cycling safer and more accessible with the track would reduce traffic, make the city greener and save lives. However, the transport committee chairwoman for the London Assembly said that, while the assembly welcomed the plans, she did not believe £913m would be enough to bring the project to fruition. “While £913 million may seem an impressive figure, its impact will be diluted over 10 years and is not a significant advancement on current funding levels,” Caroline Pidgeon said. “To have real impact, we’re calling for the investment in cycling to be doubled.” The plan includes major and substantial improvements to junctions deemed particularly unsafe for cyclists.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON... This week kicks off the 27th Lesbian & Gay Film Festival at the BFI Southbank, set to be the best yet with an awesome programme of flicks including Aussie lesbian movie Submerge, James Franco’s Interior. Leather Bar and Oscar-nominated doco How To Survive A Plague. The fest is also a great chance to hear stories from countries where homosexuality is dangerously taboo – think LGBT life in Jamaica in Taboo Yardies and Bwakaw’s take on living in rural Philippines. The fest is on from March 14-24, and screenings cost between £6 and £14. Films have been divided into sections to help you choose one that’s for you – Hearts, Bodies and Minds. More at bfi.org.uk

Photos: Getty; bfi.org.uk

NORTHERN: No service between

Boris and bikes: go together like ‘Jäger’ and ‘bomb’

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08/03/2013 15:12:53

Opposites attracts: alt-rockers Biffy Clyro give their new album the arena treatment

Get ready to rock Thrust your index and pinky fingers skyward in celebration of a year with stacks of gigs you can’t afford to miss Words alasdair morton If last year in London was the year of the athlete, then 2013 is shaping up as the year of the rock ‘n’ roll star, with all manner of rock gods, punk upstarts, alt-kings and rapidly rising newcomers ready to take to the city’s stages. Up first on our rundown of the mustnot-miss shows are alt-rockers Biffy Clyro. Making the step up to festival headliners at Sonisphere in 2011 and triumphing at Download last year, they have been hunkered down in Los Angeles for the best part of two years, writing and recording their sixth album, this January’s double disc Opposites. “Basically the remit was that nothing is too crazy or mental to try,” drummer Ben Johnston recalls of the no-holds-barred approach that went into the ambitious LP. Mariachi bands and bagpipe refrains abound as they took this mantra and ran with it. “The real challenge is doing that while maintaining the sound of the band and the identity you’ve built up over several records,” adds his brother and bassist James. The boys from Ayr, Scotland, made a name for themselves with jagged, timeand key-switching records before fifth 10

tntMagazine.com

LP, Puzzle, in 2007 saw them embrace a more mainstream sound – a British Foo Fighters, in a way. They followed this with Only Revolutions (2009), with Opposites closing out their trilogy of big rock records and hitting the number one spot in the UK album charts, too. “They are very personal [records],” says frontman Simon Neil, of the intimacy behind the arena riffs. “They’re about discovering what life is about – all the highs and lows of what being an adult entails. But you have to keep giving yourself new challenges. “Even when Only Revolutions came out, if you said we’d make a double album next I’d say that’s ridiculous. You never know what life’s going to throw at you and inspire you to do.” Fittingly, to close this chapter they play their biggest ever London show at The O2 and will headline the Reading and Leeds Festival in August, too. While rock behemoths including The Boss and The Stone Roses will be taking turns rocking London’s crowds as well, there are smaller shows you’d be a fool to miss. Chvrches are one act you’ll be hearing more of in the months to come. Formed in 2011, the synth-pop trio –

Lauren Mayberry, Iain Cook and Martin Doherty – found the kind of immediate fanfare and acclaim that comes around rarely, and in their case it is deserved. “We were really surprised,” singer Mayberry told BBC Radio 1’s Ally McCrae of their quick-fire success. “We just put it [debut single Lies] out as a preview track or a free download to test the water and see what people were thinking and it grew from that.” Follow-up single The Mother That We Share became as furiously embraced as their first. They then graced the BBC’s Sound of 2013 list and their under construction debut album is one of this year’s most hotly anticipated. They’ve an upcoming show at Village Underground, are at Field Day and will be cropping up on festival bills over the next few months. So embrace London’s big year for music – it’s going to well and truly rock! MORE BIG LONDON GIGS ›› Biffy Clyro. The O2. Apr 3. £22.50 SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk Chvrches. East Village. Apr 29. £14 EC2A 3PQ Old Street villageunderground.co.uk

Sublime synths: up-and-comers Chvrches

Best seat: a summer of rock lies ahead

Shredder: Biffy Clyro’s Simon Neil

March 18th – 22nd Normally £245 – Now £165 March 23rd – 29th Normally £279 – Now £239 March 25th – April 1st £279

green day emirates stadium

muse emirates stadium

Frontman for the San Francisco punk rockers, Billie Joe Armstrong, stormed off stage at a show in Las Vegas last year because, he ranted, everyone thought he was just another Justin Bieber (or something like that). He’s sorted his shit out though and is now back on the road with Mike and Tre. He will stop in town for this London mega-show in support of last year’s trio of new LPs, Uno!, Dos!, Tre!. You can bet they’ll throw in a couple of old Dookie and American Idiot faves, too.

Back in their angsty early days, it would have been hard to imagine these three Devon lads as one of the planet’s biggest bands – but that’s what they are. Latest LP The 2nd Law is full of their epic stadium rock, with a few tweaks and flourishes round the edges to keep it fresh.

£45

June 1, 4.30pm Drayton Park, N5 1BU Arsenal greenday.com

£54+

the postAL SERVICE brixton academy £22.50+ Dntel’s Jimmy Tamborello and Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard (above) made 2003’s electropop Give Up by sending recordings to each other (hence the name) unaware they were making a soon-to-be bona fide classic. Adored then, revered now, they’ve got together to celebrate its 10-year anniversary with a handful of shows. This could be the first and last time to see the Service live. May 19 & 20, 7pm 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL

Brixton

The Las Vegas boys burst out of the blocks with their worldconquering debut, Hot Fuss, went all E-Street with follow up Sam’s Town, and it is the open road rhetoric and chest-thumping anthems of their sophomore that latest and fourth LP, Battle Born, is closest to. Killers classics Bones, Human, Runaways and Mr Brightside are just made for west London’s mega-stadium. £35+

Jun 29, 5pm Empire Way, HA9 0WS Wembley Park wembleystadium.com

tntMagazine.com

02academybrixton.co.uk

karl hyde union chapel

the stone roses finsbury park

Half of techno legends and Olympics-soundtrackers Underworld plays this sure to be sublime show in support of his debut solo LP, Edgeland.

It was the reunion everyone was waiting for. The elusive new material’s still out of reach, but that’s not really what we want to hear anyway from the kings of baggy.

Apr 25, 7pm N1 2XD Highbury & Islington karlhyde.com

Jun 7 & 8, 4pm N4 2NQ Manor House ticketmaster.co.uk

the xx osterley park and house

kings of leon the o2

£25+

the killers wembley stadium

May 25 & 26, 4.30pm Drayton Park, N5 1BU muse.mu

Arsenal

rihanna twickenham stadium The umbrella-loving, clothes-hating pop siren brings her worldconquering Diamonds World Tour to town. £50+

Jun 15 & 16, 7pm Twickenham TW2 7BA rfu.com/twickenhamstadium

£55

yeah yeah yeahs alexandra palace

Mercury Prize winners who followed up their victory with an even more beguiling sophomore LP, Coexist, and dodged the award’s shortlived success curse (Klaxons who?). This is the third of three events (after Lisbon and Berlin) they headline with an all-day line-up.

The southern rockers who shaved their beards and immediately went interstellar huge (we’re not saying the two are connected) play these two shows after a two-year hiatus – their last record, Come Around Sundown, was out three years ago. They should be suitably pumped then.

The New York art-punk-rockers, lead by trailblazer Karen O (above), have been away too long. Fourth album Mosquito is out April 15, and they head up the massive line-up for the first day of two ATP I’ll Be Your Mirror all-dayers at picturesque Ally Pally.

Jun 23, 12pm Isleworth TW7 4RB thexx.info

Jun 12 & 13, 6.30pm SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

May 4, 11am Alexandra Palace N22 7AY illbeyourmirror.com

£48.50

£50

£59 per day

bruce springsteen wembley stadium

lana del rey hammersmith apollo £25+ She went mega instantly with her sultry, dangerous single Video Games, then followed it up with a stunning debut album, Born To Die, and proved to everyone she was more than just a pretty picture with a load of shows last year. Still effortlessly cool, despite doing ads for H&M.

Unfazed by having the plug pulled on his Hyde Park show last year, Brucie returns to the UK with his E Street Band for two shows, at Wembley and the Queen Elizabeth Park, the latter rechristened from the Olympics (June 30). The torch bearer for arena rock, there’s a reason why he’s called The Boss.

May 19 & 20, 7pm W6 9QH Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.com

Jun 15, 12pm HA9 0WS Wembley Park seetickets.com

£50+

tame impala hammersmith apollo Psychedelic-rock is a tough thing to do in 2013, especially when everyone out there is discovering their own inner love of Eighties synths. But Perth superstars Impala do it with such verve they’ve quickly become one of the most distinct, exciting bands of the moment. It’s no wonder their second LP Lonerism featured heavily in critics’ top albums of 2012 lists. Hometown heroes to cherish! £19.50

June 25, 7pm W6 9QH Hammersmith

depeche mode the o2 The boys who made electro music dark and sexy have outlived their Eighties contemporaries, evolving into a perennial stadium electro-rock act. Expect Personal Jesus, Enjoy The Silence and more. We just can’t get enough! £50+

May 28 & 29, 7pm SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

hammersmithapollo.com

the breeders the forum

happy mondays the forum

Pixies bassist Kim Deal’s side project penned a Nineties indie-rock classic with Cannonball. Their Last Splash album is now 20 years old, and they’re playing it in full.

Anything Ian Brown and John Squire can do, Shaun and Bez from the Mondays can do just as well. Reunited, touring the old tunes, their autumn gigs last year went down so well they’re doing it again. Time to get that Kinky Afro on!

£27.50

June 19, 7pm NW5 1JY Kentish Town theforumlondon.com

alicia keys the o2

There’s only one original Pumpkin left, Billy Corgan, but at least it’s the one who matters. And when he’s tearing into Bullet With Butterfly Wings who gives a shit? £43.25+

Jul 22, 7pm HA9 0PA Wembley Park wembley.co.uk

£32.50

Jun 29, 8pm NW5 1JY Kentish Town theforumlondon.com

noah and the whale palace theatre

the vaccines the o2

Eric and Albert have been putting on legendary shows together for donkeys years – expect epic back catalogue-dipping sets, special guests and totally ninja guitar skills.

She’s played for President Barack Obama, got 16 Grammys at home on her mantelpiece, dueted with Jay-Z and possesses one of the finest, most beautiful voices that has ever graced the planet. When she sings, you take notice, as thousands will over the course of her two-night London residency.

The other nu-folk band to come out of south London, Noah and his cohorts play this fancy-pants West End show drawing from their threealbum career, including 2010’s Last Night On Earth.

From ‘next big things’ to ‘very big things’, the foursome have climbed quickly, and they duck into Greenwich’s little old dome to show off their indie-rock tunes from their debut, What Did You Expect From The Vaccines, and its follow up, Come Of Age. They like career commentary.

May 17-26, 7pm SW7 2AP South Kensington royalalberthall.com

May 30 & 31, 7pm SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

April 28, 7pm W1D 8AY Leicester Square palacetheatrelondon.org

May 2, 6.30pm Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

£45+

eric clapton royal albert hall £50+

Photos: Getty

smashing pumpkins wembley arena

£26.50

£26

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LONDONDRINKS

LONDON STONE

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Boo: a Gothic theme with great value

BAR

Walk down the stairs from the City’s soulless Cannon St into this cavern of amusing confusion. It ticks all the boxes for a Gothic-themed hell haven (in a fun Addams Family way) or a student pub, with its two-for-£8 cocktails and three-for-£7 shooters, but when we rock up someone didn’t tell the Goths or students (it’s full of suits). The comfy leather-couched corner we get cosy in features a cabinet any apothecary would be proud to call his own, while the faux organ pipes, arches and a gargoyle at the entrance are fun touches. But really, this is a pleasant – if dark, obviously – place to chill out, as the office workers downing Guinness at tables agree. Saturdays (open to 3am) and Halloween see this joint come into its own. THE GRUB An extensive menu of crowd-pleasers with nada to do with the pub’s decor. Burgers from £7.95, classic pub grub mains such as steak and ale pie and sausages and mash (check out the two-for-£11 deals), plus salads and two-for-one desserts (choc brownie ice cream cake, anyone?) that are already cheap at £3.50 each. THE SCENE

‘7 Deadly sins’ are the cocktails (two for £8) and strong from the Wrath we had (JD, Disaronno and Coke). 7 Deadly Virtues are the house shots. BILL PLEASE Cocktails £5; shots £2.75; beers (Guinness and standard lagers) £4 a pint; red and white wine from £3.10/ £11.25 a glass/ bottle. VERDICT After-work boozer with a twist that won’t scare the wallet. MICHAEL GADD BEHIND THE BAR

109 Cannon St, EC4N 5AD

eerie-pubs.co.uk/london-stone

3 OF THE BEST IRISH PUBS

Cannon St/Bank

AULD SHILLELAGH

BOSTON ARMS

FILTHY MACNASTY’S

Widely believed to serve the best Guinness in London, this atmospheric little boozer on Stoke Newington Church Street hosts live music every week, and has consistently lovely staff who know how to expertly pull the black stuff.

A more raucous affair is this pub in Tufnell Park, which shows Gaelic Athletics Association games (Gaelic football, hurling, etc) on its big screens. Happy hour is Monday to Friday ‘til 7pm, with beers from £2.10 a pint.

If you’re partial to a drop of the harder stuff, this Islington gem does a great range of whiskies, and is also renowned for its live music nights, art exhibitions and even the odd poetry slam when feeling uber-trendy.

theauldshillelagh.com

bostonarms.co.uk

filthymacnastys.co.uk

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To celebrate the release of G.I. Joe: Retaliation 3D, in cinemas Wednesday, March 27 (cert 12A), TNT Magazine has teamed up with Paramount Pictures UK to offer two lucky readers the chance to win a pair of tickets to the star-studded premiere on March 18 in central London. The action franchise returns to the big screen with megastars Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Bruce Willis joining the cast of G.I. Joes. In this sequel, the G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra, they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardise their very existence. The

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08/03/2013 17:37:51

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BITE SIZE

Mine’s a vermouth: homemade booze and classic Italian food at Mele e Pere

LIQUID LUNCH Treat yourself to a liquid lunch at The White Horse on Parson’s Green this Tuesday, where the Brooklyn Brewery’s brewmaster Garrett Oliver will be holding a tutored tasting between 1pm and 3pm. For £20, you get five of the New York-based brewery’s “rarest and finest” beers matched with acesounding dishes including rosemarycrusted sweetbreads and spicy lamb rump burritos. Call 020 7736 2115 or email info@whitehorsesw6.com for tickets. Frothy fun. whitehorsesw6.com

Brewmaster: Garrett Oliver

Mele e Pere MOVIES AND MUNCHIES Free gourmet hot dogs, popcorn and a movie are on offer at The Crooked Well in Camberwell on March 18 as part of the Camberwell Free Film Festival, taking place between March 14-24. The Michelin-rated restaurant is screening critically lauded offbeat romcom Me And You And Everyone We Know at 7.30pm, with free snacks for all, plus you can buy cocktails at the bar. Call The Crooked Well on 0207 252 7798 to reserve your place. thecrookedwell.com

Photos: Brooklyn Brewery

FOOD FOR THOUGHT As if you needed an excuse to drink your way through the massive Belgian beer menu and eat your own weight in moules et frites at London’s chain of Belgo restaurants, the eatery has cooked up a special range of dishes to support Red Nose Day, which raises money for those in need in both the UK and further afar. Rather wonderfully, this means you can eat the likes of whipped cream-laden waffles for a good cause until March 31.

ITALIAN

Like a shining beacon in Soho’s winding warren of dark lanes, Mele e Pere’s brazen window front demands attention: the name’s in lights, and row upon row of brightly coloured glass apples and pears ram home the concept (a family-run Italian trattoria in the heart of London town – ‘mele e pere’ means ‘apples and pears’). Head inside, though, and it all gets a bit confusing. While upstairs retains the sleek Soho bar vibe conjured out front, the cavernous basement feels more traditional, and yet also has a split personality – the rammed, brightly tiled bar area borders a more relaxed, low-lit dining space. Every single table is taken on a Thursday night, though. The grub Sharing plates and pastas couldn’t be more classic, but the ‘authentic Italian’ feel gets lost somewhere on the way to the main courses, where the likes of Surrey pork chops and Welsh lamb turn up. Diners are advised to start with three or four sharing plates, which is precisely what my date and I do – only to be so over-faced by the portions, we could have happily cancelled our mains. The aubergine parmigiana is an indulgently cheesy treat, while smoked Sicilian swordfish, fennel and blood orange is light and smoky, a much better option if you want room for the main event. Braised lamb meat balls are a disappointment, though – they smell incredible, but taste bland. My Angus beef fillet main course hits another bum note (even the pink parts are tough). But my date’s braised lamb shoulder and roasted aubergine proves a surprise standout, especially as the aubergine has been infused with an unexpected, spicy kick. For dessert, vanilla panna cotta with warm maraschino cherries is a silky dollop of downright deliciousness. THE SCENE

Behind the bar Homemade vermouth is a specialty (all £4). Wines from £3/ £16.50 per bottle/ glass, and there’s an excellent selection of Italian dessert wines from £6, too. Bill please Starters from £4.50; mains £12.50-£24; desserts from £5. Daily lunch deals from £8.50 per dish. verdict Hits some high notes but can go off-key – order with care. LAURA CHUBB

belgo-restaurants.co.uk 46 Brewer St, Soho, W1F 9TF

meleepere.co.uk

Piccadilly Circus

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A student fried a hamster to death whilst drunk. The judge sentenced him to four years sprinting in a ball

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You have to hand it to people that can’t reach it for themselves

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this guy called me ‘pretentious’ the other day. i was so stunned i I nearly choked to death on my latte

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EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM VISA FEE HIKES

The UKBA (rather the Home Office) has been increasing visa fees by the bucketloads. A visa that cost £500 in 2011 was increased to £750 in 2012, and to £1159 this year. This is for an immigrant who works in the UK and pays taxes, while being “not eligible for public funds” (i.e. a net contributor to the UK exchequer). Does this qualify to be reported as a horror story? Ram, via email

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Thank you for giving me an opportunity to take part in this truly relevant campaign. I have also been through the ringer with the UKBA, all thanks to a pickpocket who stole my passport (containing my visa), when I first arrived on my limited two-year visa. This left me stranded and unable to work, not to mention broke for months. Andrea Adams, via email

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I wrote a letter to Mark Harper (immigration minister) after my application reached the seven-month point, which explains my experience. My visa was approved the next day but I’m sure that was a coincidence. Thanks for shining a light on this issue. Kingsley Faulkner, via email

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I have to leave the UK soon due to my visa expiring and my spouse, a bartender, not meeting the financial requirements to sponsor me. We plan to come back to the UK, but the experience has been terrible, with us trying desperately not to be separated. If there was better support and information was easier to obtain from the UKBA, this may have been avoided. Kate, via email WORK IN IBIZA /36 GLORY KICKBOXING /48

In five years of great experiences in the UK and Europe, dealing with the UKBA ain’t one of them! A week ago I was minutes away from booking a one-way flight to Sydney after being told I had to leave after months of being given the wrong information by them. I had three weeks to say goodbye to my boyfriend, friends and a dream of competing in the London Marathon – then TNT gave me a call! My life changed overnight. I got an apology and was told I can stay. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am! If anyone else is in a similar situation, sign the TNT petition! Kia kaha. Melanie Quin, via email Melanie wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

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Legendary: Johnny Marr takes his debut solo record on the road

festival

watch

secret garden party

johnny marr O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT fri, mar 15 | Doors at 7pm | £22.50

Belgian dance-rockers Soulwax and London-via-Edinburgh indie troupe Django Django (below), who won a Mercury Prize nom for their self-titled debut last year, will grace the Great Stage at this festival in beautiful sculpted gardens in Cambridgeshire. This year’s theme is superstition. Make shapes as XFM’s Eddy Temple Morris curates the Temple of Boom dance tent or hire a boat and paddle into a tranquil lake. Chilled out festivities. July 25-28. Abbots Ripton, PE28 2PH. £142.50

secretgardenparty.com

Huntingdon

Johnny Marr. Pioneering guitarist responsible for some of the most iconic riffs of the past 20 years and half of one of indie’s most revered duos. And, more recently, part-time six-stringer with Canadian indie rockers Modest Mouse and latterly Wakefield noisy boys The Cribs. This headline show, though, sees him get rid of the others for a solo performance that is all about him. Marr and mate Steven Morrissey were the driving forces behind The Smiths, the Manchester indie band who defined an era of guitar music and were one of the key influences on the Britpop bands that exploded in the Nineties. The Queen Is Dead, How Soon Is Now?, This Charming Man – the band’s classic tunes were matched only by their intelligent yet prickly demeanour. Post-Smiths, Marr’s continued to work and gig, and has played with a who’s who of alt and indie talent. Paul McCartney? Yup, shortly after The Smiths’ demise. He was briefly a member of The Pretenders, too, and then part of New Zealand musician Neil Finn’s 7 Worlds Collide, with Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder and Radiohead’s Phil Selway no less. In the mid-Noughties he joined Montreal indierock legends Modest Mouse. Then, after a meeting at the 2008 NME Awards, he join the brothers Jarman in The Cribs, touring and recording on their fourth LP Ignore The Ignorant before setting off for pastures new. His first solo album, The Messenger, is the current period’s produce, and this is the first time he’s taken it out on the road. Take your chance to see a living legend. Shepherd’s Bush

TNT_1541_022 22

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08/03/2013 14:00:33

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NEW BAND

republica GIG thur, mar 14. 7pm £14

Ready To Go and Drop Dead Gorgeous are the dance-rock mega-hits that made Republica radio regulars at the height of Britpop and Cool Britannia, which saw them grace many a Nineties US teen movie soundtrack. Lead singer Saffron and the boys are back now touring new EP and single, Christiana Obey.

Photos: Getty

The Garage 20-22 Highbury Corner, N5 1RD Highbury & Islington thegarage.co.uk

bass culture clash tour

old school indie: bowie night

CLUB

sat, mar 16. 10pm-6am £6+

Sat, mar 16. 8pm-3.30pm £4.50+

This musical competition has been touring the UK and drops in to town with a host of up-andcoming talent (Stylo G and Lady Leshurr) and established legends (Top Cat and Skibadee) for a night that celebrates Jamaican music and its influence on the British bass scene through a live music battle.

The Old School Indie night takes the reins for this second event in Feeling Gloomy’s Bowie Week to honour one of rock’s most celebrated artists in the year of his majestic return. There’s a screening of Labyrinth, the creepy Eighties fantasy flick, prizes for the best-dressed Bowie and loads of The Thin White Duke’s songs.

Plan B 418 Brixton Road, London, SW9 7AY Brixton ukbassculture.net

02 Academy Islington 16 Parkfield St, Islington, N1 0PS Angel oldschoolindie.com

roots manuva

ram records party

status quo

GIG

CLUB

GIG

sat, mar 16. 9pm £14.50+

sat, mar 16. 10pm-5am £20

sat, mar 15, 16 & 17. 7pm £19.50

South Londoner Rodney Smith won plaudits galore for his 2011 LP, 4everevolution, and especially for a knockout Roundhouse show supporting it. He had a new EP out earlier this year, Banana Skank, and will be playing from this, as well as cuts from his already classic five-strong studio album back catalogue.

Bass music label Ram Records, which turned 20 last year, hosts its first warehouse party. Label head Andy C is joined by live D&B act Loadstar (above) and tech-step stars Calyx & TeeBee with Delta Heavy, Dub PhiZix, Break b2b Die Killsonik, MJ Cole, Cyantific, Ray Rampage b2b Unknown Error and MCs GQ, 2Shy and Strategy.

Co-frontman Francis Rossi may have cut off his ponytail now but little else has changed with the rockers who have 29 albums to their name. The last was Quid Pro Quo in 2011 but they’re still rocking all over the world – here on the Made In Britain world tour they play the Apollo (March 15 and 16) and Wembley Arena (March 17).

Koko 1a Camden High St, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

Ewer Street Warehouse 29 Great Suffolk Street, SE1 0NS Southwark ramrecords.com

Hammersmith Apollo 45 Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.com

the jar family The buzz so far This seven-piece indie-folk band (or ‘industrial folk’ as they describe themselves) formed in Hartlepool in 2010. They have five songwriters in the band and have toured with the likes of The Charlatans and drug-dustbin Pete Doherty already, gaining notoriety for their live show. They’ve a debut under their belt already, The Jar Family Album, and stonking new double A-side single, Machine / Footsteps, out soon as a precursor to their forthcoming second LP, Jarmalade. The Critics say “The perfect song, the perfect recording, all other songs should be banned” Artrocker the plug Machine / Footsteps is out April 15. They play Surya on March 21. £5.50 N1 9JL Kings Cross thejarfamily.com

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Party people: get down at Snowbombing

TNT ANZAC DAY BBQ Join TNT and Haggis Adventures to commemorate Anzac Day at our BBQ on Thursday, April 25.

Pre-register for the event online and get a free VB upon arrival, plus you’ll be entered into a draw to win amazing prizes courtesy of Scotland travel specialists Haggis Adventures. There’ll also be live music, Anzac biccies, AFL games on the big screens and special offers on drinks all day.

Elk Bar 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA 12 noon ‘til late on April 25 Fulham Broadway tntmagazine.com/anzacbbq

SNOWBOMBING WITH TNT MAYRHOFEN, AUSTRIA

Join TNT at “the greatest show on snow” in idyllic Mayrhofen, Austria, this April. Snowbombing is a festival filled with fresh air, blue skies, black runs and white-hot parties – a week-long whirlwind of world-class DJs and bands in a breathtaking alpine setting from April 1-6. This year’s Snowbombing will be hosting acts including Kasabian and Carl Cox, with performances staged in unique venues from sky-high igloos to enchanted forest clearings. And you could stay just minutes from the action by booking our exclusive Snowbombing deal to stay at the TNT Village, where dorm beds, including a Snowbombing wristband, start at £314pp, while double or twin rooms with a Snowbombing wristband are from £329pp.

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TNT would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who came to the TNT Travel Show on March 9-10. The two-day extravaganza was our best yet and it was amazing to see so many thousands of TNT readers snapping up our show deals and bagging themselves an amazing year of adventures ahead. Happy travelling!

Photos: TNT

To take advantage of our exclusive TNT Village offer and more on Snowbombing 2013,

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08/03/2013 13:06:29

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Ed Stafford

The adventurer on his recent 60-day stint naked and alone on a Fijian island, and how managing his mind proved the biggest challenge INTERVIEW alasdair morton

How did show Naked And Marooned come about? A couple of years ago I walked the length of the Amazon. I self-filmed it and sold it to the Discovery Channel. It went well so they asked what I’d like to do next. I didn’t want to go away for another two-and-a-half years so I thought if we constrain ourselves to 60 days – how do we make that tough enough? We started taking out things: no help from outsiders, no tools, or food. Then it became – if you were dropped off on a desert island for two months with nothing, stark-bollock naked, how would you survive? It’s a pure, simple survival task.

Photo: Discovery

What was the first thing that you did? It was bizarre. Naked was meant to represent having nothing. When the producer was filming the drop-off in the boat he turned and said, “Time to take your shorts off, Ed.” I gingerly took them off and walked up the beach with the camera equipment, but when I couldn’t hear the motor anymore it smacked me in the face. I thought it’d take a week to start going downhill mentally, but it was almost panic straight away. This might be TV but it was incredibly real!

Loner: Stafford goes it alone for two months ceremony, they spend a period of time on their own in the bush. But they told me I was underestimating how difficult it would be.

have to prove?” But I came out thinking, “I have an amazing life.”

What were your first objectives? I didn’t know where there was food or water, and I had to handhold myself through the first day: “Come on, Ed, you know your survival priorities, all you need to do today is find water.” A couple of hours in I found a cave for shelter, too. But I didn’t eat at all on the first day.

How is that? They see that you have three brains: first your gut, second your heart and the smallest and least useful is the cognitive brain, the one we use for everything. They said if I lived my life on the island in the logic brain I’d drive myself mad. But they had a tip – make a stone circle near your camp, so whenever you feel fear get in it and tell yourself you’re safe. I did that a lot, and irrespective of my beliefs, it worked.

What has been your driving force? I’ve always felt we live quite an artificial life, living in cities with millions of people going on the Tube not interacting with each other. I’ve been leading expeditions since 2002 and when you give people a roof over their head and a hammock to sleep in it’s amazing the amount of smiles that come from that. There is a purer enjoyment there, rather than putting chemicals in your body or getting drunk. But it is not just thrill seeking, it is clean living.

Did you achieve your goal of coming out fitter than when you went in? Yes. I did a series of exercises at the end of each week – press ups, squats, chin ups, shuttle sprints – and my results in the last week were better than when I arrived, but I was nine kilos lighter. Lean as a butcher’s dog partly because I thought coconut flesh was a good source of carbohydrate, but it is 89 per cent saturated fat. I was living off protein and fat with no carbs!

It sounds more about being one with nature than overcoming nature? There was nothing to combat on the island – no hostile indigenous tribes or venomous snakes. I wanted to use everything around me, live in balance, and create a sustainable life. After eating raw snails and living in a cave, I knew I could do that but I wanted to evolve, make a house, fire and hunt – to show it’s possible to do that from ground zero.

Sir Ranulph Fiennes said your Amazon trek was one of “the most impressive expeditions, past and present”. Yeah. I am still glowing about it two years later. He has always been a hero of mine. He came to speak about team leadership at [military base] Sandhurst and when I came back he made me the youngest trustee at his Transglobe Expedition Trust, which looks at young people’s expeditions that are worthy of giving grants to.

How did the isolation affect you? It was the biggest hurdle. Before the project I spent a bit of time with Aboriginals who have a simple perspective on man’s relationship with nature. When they do a coming of age

What did you learn? I was ill twice and that exacerbated the isolation lows which allowed me to go in to dark patches and question what I was doing. “You have a life back in London, why are you here? What do you

So what comes next? Spend some time with the family! Naked And Marooned With Ed Stafford airs from March 14, 9pm, on Discovery Channel

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Red card: this remake’s one to miss

red dawn FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson | 12A | 93mins

the paperboy FILM Starring: Zac Efron, Nicole Kidman | 15 | 107mins

Director Lee Daniels follows up his Oscar-nominated Precious with this starry drama adapted from Pete Dexter’s 1995 novel. Nicole Kidman is a blonde obsessed with getting John Cusack’s death row-sitting con out so she can marry him, joining up with Zac Efron and Matthew McConaughey’s sleuthing brothers in the process. Critically acclaimed, pulpy drama. On general release March 15

TNT_1541_026 26

You may think that John Milius’ Cold War-driven Eighties cult classic is an odd choice for a modern day remake, with its small town Americana under siege from marauding Soviet soldiers story outdated and implausible. Were you to think along these lines, you’d be totally right – this is an unmitigated folly. Aussie Chris Hemsworth – in a pre-Thor/Avengers role – takes the lead as Jed Eckert, a soldier returning home after a tour on the front line in Afghanistan. He’s rectifying relations with his younger brother when a load of North Koreans invade, dropping out of the sky, shouting in ‘foreign’ and machine-gunning anyone who stands in their way. It’s a daft premise. The installation of North Koreans for Russians does little to give it a contemporary narrative (and this was only changed late in the day from Chinese to appease that market, allegedly). How in this post-9/11 day and age would an invading army swan into the States and parachute en masse into its most nationalistic homelands without anyone noticing or retaliating? Director Dan Bradley makes the leap up from stunt co-ordinator with this, his debut, but even the action is humdrum and routine as Hemsworth leads a band of teens and youths, including Isabel Lucas and Josh Hutcherson, to fight back, as they morph (seemingly overnight) from terrified kids into guerilla warriors. Filmed back in 2009, Red Dawn’s been stuck on the shelf due to studio MGM’s financial difficulties. There’s little here to argue for its release at all. Sorry Hems. Good for: A throwaway Sunday afternoon DVD, perhaps, but not a big screen excursion.

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08/03/2013 13:05:15

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andrew lawrence: is coming to get you

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Cheeky ginger comic Lawrence has been nominated for a bunch of awards – Chortles, Edinburgh Fringes, you name it, he’s been there, rocked the crowds and nabbed the critics’ nods. After a 50-date UK tour, he holes up here in Soho to make your sides split with his sharp and surreal take on the world. Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Mar 11-30. £10+ Tott Crt Road sohotheatre.com

Lichtenstein: A retrospective

the tailor-made man

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Acclaimed author Douglas Coupland loves him, and after a look at this retro on the American pop artist (the first in 20 years) you will too. He combined cartoon imagery with advertising aesthetics and a deeply cynical sense of humour that cut through our ‘perfect’ consumerist contemporary lives to show the underlying truth.

Claudio Macor’s peek behind the hypocritical glamour of Twenties tinseltown has been expanded from its 1992 fringe origins into an entertaining musical. It tells in flashback the real life of William ‘Billy’ Haines (Dylan Turner), the defiantly gay silver screen star who refused to toe MGM Studios’ line and hide his sexuality.

Tate Modern SE1 9TG. Until May 27. 10am-6pm. £14 Southwark tate.org.uk

Arts Theatre WC2H 7JB. Until Apr 6. £20 Leicester Square artstheatrewestend.co.uk

Joel dommett What’s this week’s show about? Last night I walked into a comedy club toilet to find a man drunkenly cleaning his penis in the sink. He turned around and said, “The date is going really well,” then went back to cleaning ... I might talk about that.

Photos: Emanuel Harlan

Who inspired you to pick up a mic? I was really obsessed with watching comedians so it seemed the logical next step. Tommy Tiernan was my favourite and still is. If you work hard you get to meet your heroes fairly quickly in comedy and gigging with him was a dream. He is brilliant. Watch him now. Go!

the incredible burt wonderstone

a chorus line

FILM

THEATRE

Steve Carell and Jim Carrey are magicians at war in this comedy from TV director Don Scardino who makes his feature debut here. Carell’s titular entertainer is on the wane, while Carrey’s David Blaine-esque newcomer is prone to drastic stunts and showboating – Burt quickly sees him become his nemesis. Burt’s dry defeatism is perfect for Carell’s comedic timing.

This stripped down musical broke new ground in 1976. Instead of lavish costumes and elaborate sets it goes behind the scenes to give us a taste of the desperation of the audition process. Though no longer cutting edge, Bob Avian’s revival (he co-choreographed the original) makes for a pleasingly entertaining night out.

On general release March 15

London Palladium W1A 3AB. Until Jan 18, 2014. £19.50 Oxford Circus achoruslinelondon.com

What was your strangest gig? I once did a gig in Teddington and a lady in the second row stood up and said, “Why don’t you just read out the raffle?” then sat down. You know it’s never going to be special when the headliner’s a tombola. What is the funniest thing you have ever seen and why? Probably a man cleaning his penis in the sink of a comedy club. That’s a hard one to beat. Crack Comedy Club Kingston Horse, KT2 5EE. Mar 15, 7pm

The Grey Kingston

crackcomedy.com

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08/03/2013 13:05:22

Funny thoughts: Spoken Nerd make science and maths entertaining

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[Caption]

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Time to get sci-curious Comedy-science troupe Festival of the Spoken Nerd has devised the perfect formula for laughs and a little learning, too Words alasdair morton Science is cool. The domain that was once the preserve of the geeks is now without dispute mainstream. The world’s biggest sitcom is The Big Bang Theory. Brainy and accessible folk like Brian Cox have made the wonders of the universe a fascination for us all. And with the likes of physics-educated comic Dara O’Briain challenging us with the wonder of sums on TV, too, the nerds have risen to the top of the cool tree. Starting out before their time, funny and clever comedy trio Festival of the Spoken Nerd have been melding science and belly laughs in their stage shows since 2010. “There have always been hardcore nerds,” Perth-born Spoken Nerd-er Matt Parker tells us ahead of a busy few months of brain-challenging, funny-bone-tickling activity. “But people are realising that you can enjoy and take delight in science without it feeling like you are back at school. There is no test at the end [of our shows] – you don’t have to understand everything, you just come along and enjoy it.” A great example of this is the Inspiring Science season kicking off this week at the British Library (March 11-24, bl.uk), which promises a combo of comedy, artworks, philosophers and extreme puppeteers (seriously) to get you excited about science. The Spoken Nerds are appearing towards the end of the run, with their deliciously pun-tastic show Full Frontal Nerdity. The esteemed institution let the Nerders “rummage through their archives” for the show, a pantheon to human history, endeavour and achievement hidden deep below the streets of north London. “We got taken down in to their basement, which is three or four levels down – deeper than anywhere on the Tube and one of the deepest points in all of London,” Parker enthuses. “They’ve rooms and rooms of incredible books and so we each had to hone in on one avenue each.” Helen Arney, Spoken Nerd’s resident physicist and musical comedian (and also a member of musical comedy act The Balconettes) went to their sound archives; stand-up and former Blue Peter resident science bod Steve Mould checked out the patents; and Parker went to delve into the history books, or rather the newspaper accounts of the past few hundred years that lie squirreled away. “They have every British newspaper since the 1820s, and pretty good coverage before that, too,” Parker recalls. “I was looking through 1750s newspapers. They’re a very quick, contemporary account of things. Books are much more

thought-through, they’re a cleaned up account of what happened, but papers are an account of what people were actually reading every day and what was really happening.” This detailed history of mankind’s evolution, and our dealing with that, manifests itself in the show with a look

“

There have always been hardcore nerds

”

at technological moments, such as when the first telegraph signal was sent across the Atlantic way back in 1892, as well as a ‘best of the front pages’, with a few asides about past knowledge’s inferiority to our current ‘educated’ selves. We can’t claim to be wholly wisened and know it all right now, though, as Parker hastens to add. Their Inspiring Science comedy-and-cabaret mind assault ››

Uke beauty: Helen Arney’s the star of the show tntMagazine.com

FOTSN: (Left to right) Helen Arney, Steve Mould and Matt Parker will be followed by Technobabble in April, a ‘best of’ performance that pulls together their computer-based shows with a focus on tackling what we don’t know about our desktop wonders – the little machines that shape our lives, but about which we know so little. “People have no idea what happens inside a computer,” Parker says. “We smile and agree. People really just don’t understand, do they? I don’t understand, but keep it to myself. “People know they have a mouse and a keyboard and somewhere inside magic happens. There’s a hard drive, a processor and RAM but they don’t understand how a computer does calculations – it is just an inanimate object.” To illustrate the inner machinations of this magical apparatus, Parker demonstrates how the signal in the chips inside our phones and computers works with a painstakingly created 10,000 piece ‘computer of dominoes’ that adds binary numbers together – our computers’ basic function. “It takes up 10 square metres, and took 10 people six hours to set up,” he says. “We knew we were going to knock bits over though so we left gaps – our motto was, ‘trust the gap’. Once you knocked something over you got someone else to

Get involved: the crowd takes part in their show

fix it as you didn’t want it to get personal. You don’t want to be putting up dominoes with a sense of revenge.” Where computers have taken over the world now – not literally … yet! – there are some areas in which Technobabble suggests early estimates of our technological achievements have not been fully realised. “Robots have been the ones that have let us down,” Parker laments, perhaps longing for a Robocop or HAL-ready present in which chores and maybe even law enforcement could be carried out by man-controlled automatons.

“

Robots are the ones that have let us down

”

Festival of the Spoken Nerd play Full Frontal Nerdity. Mar 22. £7.50. The Inspiring Science season is at the British Library from March 11-24. British Library, NW1 2DB King’s Cross bl.uk Technobabble. Apr 16-18. £14. The Bloomsbury, WC1H 0AH thebloomsbury.com Euston Square festivalofthespokennerd.com

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Photos: Idil Sukan; Isabelle Adam

“Computing power has vastly exceeded any predictions,” he continues, “but any form of artificial intelligence has lagged way behind. We are going to show examples of AI, though – there’s a thing called Chatbot that you can chat with, but it is very obviously only a computer. We’re still a long way off [being able to create] anything that will pass as intelligent.” Despite a focus on improving our understanding of science and technology, the Nerds’ shows are just as much about our successive, rhythmic, spasmodic expiration with open glottis, or laughs. Their mix of comedy, cabaret, live experiments, songs and audience participation has won them plaudits galore since they pooled their smarts after a meeting at the Edinburgh Fringe. “It’s a comedy show about science and technology and maths and geekery and nerds,” Parker says. “But you can come along if you enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory but don’t always get all the science-y stuff. If you happen to know some science-y stuff there’s another layer of jokes for you and some amazing bits of science, too.” Time for some mind expansion. ❚

St Patrick’s Day

Party In association with

Date: Sunday 17th March 2013 Venue: Bison and Bird, Clapham, SW4 7UD Time: 12noon till 2am Tickets: Free Entry Pre register: to claim a free Bison Irish Punch before 2pm

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08/03/2013 17:19:47

SPARETIME

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God Of War: Ascension

David Bowie: The Next Day

Game

The most ambitious entry in the battle series so far. £39.99 play.com

Rock’s most famous statesman stunned everyone with an out-of-nowhere single earlier this year – now here’s the follow-up album. £9.99 play.com

Sniper: Ghost Warrior 2 – Limited Edition Game

CryENGINE-aided follow up to the sniper-battle classic. £27.99 play.com

Sound City Players: Real To Reel CD

Dave Grohl teams up with a bunch of rock superstars to honour the legendary LA recording studio. £8.99 play.com

Tom and Jerry App

All 161 episodes of the classic cat ‘n’ mouse cartoon. FREE play.google.com

Danny White: Rihanna – The Unauthorised Biography

Big Ben Wall Clock Gadget

Bring a little bit of London town skyline to your front room. £14.99

Book

Peek behind the scenes at the life of pop’s naughtiest superstar. £9.99 mombooks.com

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Newswhip

Donald McRae: Under Our Skin

App

Trawls Facebook and Twitter to bring you the biggest stories from the world. FREE play.google.com

Book

A South Africa-set story of a family’s journey through life. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

Eton Turbodyne Rover

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Gadget

Hand-cranked phone charger, radio and flashlight – the ultimate travel companion. £32.99

DVD

The final part in the vampswerewolves love triangle. £12.99 play.com

The Tall Man DVD

Jessica Biel stars in this small town mystery thriller. £11.99 amazon.co.uk

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App of the Week Bambu iPod/iPhone app

This app’s a funky wallpaper and greeting card aid in one, with work from artists the world over available and updated weekly. FREE bambuapp.com

Anzac Day BBQ In association with

Commemorate with Elk Bar, Fulham Thursday, April 25 12noon till Late EVENT DEATILS Two Up Tournament AFL Screening Live Music DJ Entertainment Anzac biscuits and BBQ food Drink specials Prize Giveaways FREE VB ON ARRIVAL WHEN YOU PRE-REGISTER AT

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08/03/2013 15:13:09 30/03/2012 09:54

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

Hula hooping When I told my co-workers I was going to an electric hula hoop class, they started to snigger. “Does it hula hoop by itself? Hardly a workout.” In fact, the hoops aren’t electric so much as battery-operated, and the fanciest thing they do is light up. Otherwise, it was up to me and my graceless belly to keep the hoop going throughout the 45-minute class. I’ve never been able to hula hoop, and honestly I was afraid I’d make a fool of myself. The class started with crunches and hip exercises. After about 10 minutes, we grabbed our hoops and got started. I did admittedly drop my hoop a few times, but pretty soon I was able to keep it going. Something clicked, and I gained full control of the thing. I felt a joyful, childlike sense of accomplishment, and the giant grin on my face probably made me look as daft as my moves. The real challenge began when we started marching and dancing while hooping. I dropped the device repeatedly, but laughed throughout my workout. I don’t think exercise has ever been this fun. Go online for a free trial class; classes on Mondays at 8pm are for Gymbox members only. Memberships cost from £62 per month. DC

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Crossing over TNT road tests London’s oldest psychic and medium school. Do they really see dead people? Words Daisy Carrington

I’m a sucker for psychic readings. I don’t always believe in them, but I like them, particularly when I’m between things (relationships, jobs, meals). Their services can be somewhat therapeutic, and in the past I’ve found readings helped me focus better on certain areas of my life or move on from others, whether the spirits played their part or not. But sadly, many of these healers charge more than Harley Street surgeons. Add that the psychic landscape is riddled with frauds and charlatans and, assuming there is such a thing as the “real deal”, where does one find it on the cheap? I find my answer at the College of Psychic Studies. Originally known as the London Spiritualist Alliance, the school was founded in 1884, and was presided over by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (after the death of his first wife, and then his son, Doyle became a big believer in life after death). Today the college employs over two dozen psychics and mediums (simplified: the former tells fortunes, the latter sees dead people), who give private

consultations from £50. There are also cutprice £25 readings from psychics-in-training (the spiritual version of getting a Toni & Guy student cut). I reasoned that if there’s such a thing as real psychics, this would be the place to find them. I booked an appointment with Anthony Kesner, a medium who also teaches courses in psychic development. Kesner’s specialty is communicating with spirits. My mum passed away three years ago, so I was curious to see what he’d come up with. I also didn’t want to make the rookie mistake of divulging information that he could take credit for ‘divining’, so I sat in silence, and waited for him to speak. “I’m getting a message from your grandmother on your father’s side,” he blurted after a pause. The cynic in me thought grasping for a grandmother was a safe bet. I also thought it was odd, as she died before I was born. Why would she want to reach out to me over my own mother? “She’s a round woman. She was very

Gymbox, 20 Cowcross Street, EC1M 3AP gymbox.com Farringdon

An electric hula hoop

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Spiritualist: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

In the cards: the college also teaches tarot

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G&T Bath Soak Fizz Bathing is the bomb with these bubbles £4.40 littlecotesoap.co.uk

Crystal clear: can pyschics see your future? ahead of her time, very outspoken. She had an artistic streak. You’re so like her.” I had to concede his depiction of her matched my father’s, but I wasn’t quite sold. “She entertained a lot,” he noted. “Luminaries. Important people.” This struck me as a risky thing for him to say. It could just as easily not have been true, but it was. She wrote radio soap operas for NBC in the Thirties and often hosted dinner parties for the starlets and poets of her era. Then, the spell broke. “I’m getting the name of Alice? Alice mean anything to you?” It didn’t. “John? A thin man, very tall and athletic.” I shook my head again. He asked if there was anyone I wanted to speak to. I asked after my mum. “Strange she wouldn’t come to me first,” he noted. I agreed. I was starting to have

doubts. “She had a lot of hats,” he said. I froze. “She’s putting three of them on my head.” My mother was defined by her hats. In fact, she owned her own hat business. He gave me some advice from her. “She wants you to do all the things she never did,” he said. This sounded logical, but also the kind of advice that any deceased relative might give. Kesner finished off with a prediction. “Everything you want to accomplish, you’re going to in the next five years,” he said. NEXT WEEK “You’ll see. I’m Power cut: easy never wrong about tips to save energy these things.” Fingers crossed.

Queen Hive Face Contour Mask With bee venom £52 johnbellcroyden.co.uk

Hi Brow By LaLa Your complete kit for sexy brows £29.99 sallyexpress.com

Photos: Thinkstock, Urban Retreat

top treatment: Custom Manicure The custom manicure at Harrods’ newly refurbished Nail Loft sounds pretty lush. The treatment starts with a nail consultation (we were told our nails were dry, and recommended a more frequent oiling regime), then moves on to what amounts to a fairly classic manicure. Granted, there are some styling varnishes to choose from, a better selection of magazines and posh nibble options for anyone willing to splash out. £42 for 45 minutes. Harrods, 87-135 Brompton Road,

Time to get nailed

SW1X 0NA

urbanretreat.co.uk/harrods

Knightsbridge

Inner Strength Bath & Shower Oil Find zen while washing £39 aromatherapyassociates.com tntMagazine.com

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Chilled: unless you’re a bikini model, summer work isn’t all lying around

All fun and sun? The Ibiza summer season is around the corner. Here’s how to land a job in the clubbing capital of the Mediterranean Words Daisy carrington Every year, thousands of travellers descend on party haven Ibiza with a mind to fund their summer fun with a seasonal job. The advantages of working on the Spanish island are obvious – the weather’s a dream, there’s miles of beach close at hand and the nightlife is legendary. Salary and perks can vary wildly, however. We’ve taken a look at the top jobs in the Med, and found out how you could land them.

Best for... a good salary Holiday reps are the elite in Ibiza when it comes to salary. Employees earn roughly £400 per week to start, and housing and meals are often included. However, the work isn’t easy, and the hours can often be long. “People often think that reps go out 36

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and party all the time, but they have to work really hard,” says Sarah Anderson, spokeswoman for travel company Thomas Cook. “Honestly, our reps have to be on hand 24/7.” Still, the job comes with lots of perks that make it worthwhile – namely, it’s a good career booster, and it comes with a ready-made social sphere of other travel-savvy twentysomethings. For holiday rep jobs, the time to apply is now (many agencies stop accepting applications after March). Previous experience in the customer service industry is helpful. Anderson says that applicants must have a minimum of five GSCE grades A to C or equivalent. Visit Thomas Cook’s recruitment site, areyouthomascook.net, for more information.

Best for... seeing gigs Though they often pay enough to get by (about £300 per week), bar and club jobs make up for the modest salaries with free drinks and club passes. These jobs are among the most competitive, however, and timing is essential. Nathan Viva, the owner of Viva Ibiza Hotel and Bar (nathanviva.com), says the best way to find bar work is to hit Ibiza in the first week of May, find a local and start chatting up the staff. “If someone comes into my bar, starts chatting with me and gets a rapport going, it’s more likely I’m going to give them a job,” Viva admits. “If you just walk in and give me a CV and walk out, it’s going to go straight in the waste basket. It’s a waste of paper and a waste of time.”

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job Chloe Cardon

Career Comedy publicist Age 26 Lives North London From Kent How did you get into your line of work? I knew someone at a big PR agency who helped me get an internship. At night, I worked at a radio station, where I helped produce the shows and promote the station. The mix of skills helped me land my current job.

Photos: Getty

Pouring in: bar work is highly competitive

Crowd pleaser: reps have to be on call 24/7 to appease the masses

that’s not normal, but Surprisingly, Viva Landing a job it’s certainly possible,” notes anyone coming The interview: The application out late in the season process in Ibiza is, if anything, more says Viva, adding that it’s not a job for the can walk into a competitive than in the UK. As a overly sensitive. bartending job. result, it’s important to approach “You really have to “Come mid-August, an interview with the same level of there will be openings professionalism. Do research on the have the gift of the gab and be thick-skinned in almost every bar in company before you show up. to be good at it. If you town,” he says. “Most The attitude: Employers in Ibiza can’t close the deal, people come out for are accustomed to slackers who and don’t like being May or June to get think they can party their way told to fuck off 20 a job, spend all their through a job. Demonstrate that times a day ... if you’re money, and go home, you’re serious and hard-working, just average, I’d say or are students and and you’ll be ahead of the game. don’t even bother.” have to go back. Just Make friends: Buddy up with a For anyone thinking before the season ends, worker and you can get the inside of staying on in Ibiza, there’s a mass exodus. track on openings. Like anywhere, PR can also be a great Come August every bar networking works a treat in Ibiza. way to network. in town will have Charters got her break a ‘help wanted’ sign.” flyering for local events. Gemma Charters, the events and She explains: “The pay was pretty brand manager for beach club Ocean Beach Ibiza, tips that workers’ hangouts poor, but it was a great way to meet people. With a little hard work and are great places to find openings. determination, I was able to move up.” “Lots of employees hang out at the PR work is also the best bet for Ship Inn,” she says. those who aren’t from countries in Best for... good salesmen the European Union. Some jobs require PR is the easiest work to find in Ibiza, employees to get say our experts. It often involves NEXT WEEK an NIE, or tax ID handing out flyers or selling tickets for number, which clubs and bars. The pay can be terrible, Posh nosh: Behind is only available or brilliant – it all depends on the sales the scenes of fancy for citizens skills of the person doing it. restaurants “A good PR can earn £800 a week – in the EU.

What do you do day-to-day? Each morning I check through all media for coverage of my acts. I also pitch to journalists and spend the evenings at gigs. What’s the most rewarding part of the job? When I’m working with an act who is really talented, and knowing the work I’m doing will aid their success. What’s the most challenging? It’s frustrating when I can see how amazingly talented an act is, but because they are not a household name, people won’t always give them a chance. impressivepr.com

How to...Network

on twitter

We look at how to make the most of your twittersphere:

• Be selective about who you

choose to follow. Your Twitter associates, like your real life ones, reflect on you.

• If you attend a work event,

tweet about it using a hashtag. Other attendees will then notice you and your level of savvy.

• Follow peers and supervisors,

and get in on whatever conversation they’re having. Just make sure you think before you contribute.

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tntjobs.co.uk INVASION JOBS T: 07703 430638

www.invasionjobs.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Rep In Ibiza Location: Ibiza Salary: On acceptance (average of €40 a day)

Invasion Jobs actively recruits graduates and undergraduates for work all over the world, such as Thailand, Vietnam, America and Europe.

Invasion Jobs are recruiting for their Rep in Ibiza project this summer. Packages include accommodation for a month, a phone, exclusive interviews and NIE number. Deadline for application - 15.03.13.

PRIVATE EMPLOYER

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bookings co-ordinator Location: East London Salary: 18k

Our client is an expanding commercial relocation services provider based in the East London area. This is an exciting opportunity for an ambitious and self motivated individual to join a small but rapidly expanding company.

Philip Bowen | phil@invasionjobs.com | 07703 430638

Scheduling contractors to ensure projects are fully staffed - Taking bookings from clients Providing project details to contractors, including booking transport, hotels and preparing maps etc - Contacting contractors to discuss work availability - Managing a bank of 15 to 30 contractors and ensuring projects run to completion on time - Liaising with recruiter to ensure projects are fully manned and the bank of contractors are refreshed and up to date. www.tntjobs.co.uk/job/1274660-permanent-bookings-co-ordinator-east-london.aspx

ALBERTS TABLE T: 020 8680 2010 www.albertstable.co.uk Award winning restaurant Albert’s Table, modern British dining

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chef de partie Location: Croydon, South East London Salary: £18k~ £22k Solid experience in a fresh produce kitchen essential Croydon Is Only 15 Mins From Victoria On The Train. Please Visit Our Web Site For More Info. Immediate Start Or Completion Of Notice Period. Joby Wells | joby@albertstable.co. UK

SLATER (LONDON) BESPOKE JOINERY

JOB OF THE WEEK: Cabinet maker/fitter Location: London SW18 4NJ Salary: On Application

T: 020 8874 5255 www.slater-joinery.com

Looking to employ a trade qualified cabinet maker/fitter experienced in high-end finishes. Must be able to conduct site surveys, manufacture and fit to a very high standard. English as a first language and a clean UK driving licence is essential. CV/references required.

Slater (London) Bespoke Joinery is a high end joinery/cabinetry company operating from modern facilities in SW London

LOCAL DELI T: 020 8878 1898

Simon Slater | Joel Molinari | 020 8874 5255 | ss@slater-joinery.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Shop Assistants Location: SW London Salary: Depending on experience We are an established specialty food shop, looking for energetic and hard-working shop/ sales assistants to join us as soon as possible. Good rates of pay for the right person. Please call Marc on 020 8878 1898 or email us your C.V and cover letter to marc.wentworth@gmail.com to set up an interview.

FRIENDLY COUNTRY HOUSE IN DORSET T: 01929 400352 jo.grant@lulworth.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Household and Gardening work Location: Dorset Salary: £250 per week Couple or 2 friends needed for approx 5-6 months for household and gardening in friendly country house in Dorset. Accommodation and car provided. To start as soon as possible. Jo Grant on 01929 400352 or jo.grant@lulworth.com

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

TNT_1541_038 38

JOBS 08/03/2013 17:15:15

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cash-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

Cashless cuppa Do you love tea? Then you should sign up to be a tea taster with Clipper xxxxxxxxx Teas (clipper-teas.com). Fill out a form online and Xxxxxxxxxxx get free samples, special offers, and updates about new flavours. The brews are organic and the leaves xxxxxxxxx fair trade, which means you can feel twice as good Xxxxxxxxxxx about the product. Luxury locks Want hair that shimmers? xxxxxxxxx Then log onto L’Oreal’s website (loreal-paris.co.uk) Xxxxxxxxxxx and register to get some of their newest product, Elvive Extraordinary Hair Oil. They have 57,000 xxxxxxxxx samples and it’s firstcome, first-served. Xxxxxxxxxxx

Do you have any tips for saving money in London? Don’t buy things you don’t need. I mean, it sounds dumb, but you should only buy things that are essentials so you’re not wasting money. Your last big blow-out? There wasn’t really one because I buy clothes online all the time.

Bernadette Dawe 19 Job Student From Basingstoke Lives New Cross

Photos: Getty

What non-essential items do you spend money on? Clothes, fast food, alcohol and cigarettes. But I think cigarettes are pretty essential.

how THEY spend it! The tax man cometh

Making scents Dutch fashion house Viktor & Rolf is giving out free gifts (we think it’s perfume) to anyone who joins their “secret service” (a poncey way of saying, “sign up for their newsletter”). Join at secretservice.viktor-rolf.com nailed it WooWoo Nails are giving out free nail wrap samples when you register on their site (woowoonails.com). Choose from a range of animal print tips. Zebra nails? Well, why the hell not, eh?

How do you budget? I don’t really budget. Oops. I do have a savings account, but I spend money from it, so that’s not good.

Pamela Anderson has been slapped with two massive tax bills, which allege that she has a total of £230,000 to pay back the IRS and California State.

❚ The least-famous Baldwin brother, Stephen, was recently arrested on suspicion of failing to pay three years worth of New York state taxes. The total bill amounts to £225,000. If convicted, little Stevie could spend four years in jail. ❚ The IRS has seized Lindsay

Pam’s got double-D debt

Lohan’s bank accounts after the starlet repeatedly failed to pay £150,000 in taxes.

❚ Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne owed more than £1m in back taxes to the IRS, but were quick to pay it off. Sharon claimed she only learned of the arrears from her publicist after the sum was published in the press. ❚ Nicolas Cage is reportedly paying off an £8m tax bill, one bad movie at a time. Maybe he’s rethinking that pricey pyramid tomb.

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08/03/2013 17:44:37

WORLDVIEW

@tntmagazine

Not real: beer goggles

beer goggles ‘not real’ (sadly) united kingdom

Got drunk and snogged someone who turned out to be a minger? Well, blaming the beer goggles is no longer a valid excuse. People’s perception of one another is not altered by alcohol, according to a study. Dr Amanda Ellison from Durham University revealed alcohol switches off the rational and decision making areas of the brain, while leaving the area responsible for lust and sexual urges intact. She said: “We still see others basically as they are. There is no imagined physical transformation – just more desire”. tweets of the week @davidschneider Blimey. Vicky Pryce found guilty. Presume Chris Huhne will serve her sentence for her. It seems only fair. @johnjcampbell Breaking News: Royal

On yar bike: stripped-off cyclists take part in the World Naked Bike Ride in Melbourne. The bike ride is intended to expose “the vulnerability of cyclists, humanity and nature in the face of cars, aggression, consumerism and non-renewable energy” – and skin ...

watchers predict Kate and Will’s baby will either be a girl or a boy. “It’s 5050”, said Rupert Wolfington-Browne.

drunk woman’s toy truck escape united states

She fought the law – and the law won. A drunk woman in the US attempted to escape from the police after smashing up her car – using a toy truck. After crashing the vehicle into the side of a mobile home, the woman who had reportedly been drinking alcohol hopped on to her son’s Fisher Price Power Wheels and headed for the hills. The 28-year-old from Arkansas was 40

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three times over the legal limit for blood alcohol levels and was wearing just underwear on her bottom half. Police described the woman as “pretty irate”, once they tracked her down, which, presumably, wasn’t that difficult.

zorro the pig rides the waves new zealand

He may only be two months old, but Zorro the pig is already cutting up the waves like a pro. Owner Matthew Bell has been taking the family pet to Mt Maunganui beach since he was three weeks old. Together they

power in and out of the surf, but only when it’s small. “He gets a bit scared when it gets double overhead, and double overhead isn’t that big for a pig,” Bell said. Zorro, who’s a mix between wild boar, kunekuke and domestic pig, is also something of a socialite. “He’s extremely friendly so he likes to visit children, grandparents – anyone that wants to give him a pat, he’ll go up and say hello,” Bell told 3news.co.nz. So what’s next for the pink surfing porker? “We’ll keep surfing until he gets to a size where he’s unmanageable, and see what happens after that.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 2

Number, in thousands, of Barbie dolls collector Stanley Colorite, from the US, has along with 1000 Kens costing £50k

Number of days it takes men to say ‘I love you’ to their partners. Women take 134 days, according to a study

Ramsay St: where good neighbours become good friends

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SUPERFAN BUYS 2ND RAMSAY ST HOUSE

Weight, in kgs, of Biscuit the cat. The fat cat was adopted in the States this week after his previous owners gave him up

AUSTRALIA

A fan of Aussie soap Neighbours has bought his second property on the famous (albeit make-believe) Ramsay Street for £590,000. Andrew Whitney, an Australian living in the UK, outbid seven other hopefuls to scoop 3 Pin Oak Court in the Vermont South suburb of Melbourne. Whitney, 37, who runs a private jet and helicopter charter company in York, also bought nearby 6 Pin Oak Court in 1997 before he moved to the UK. “I was so nervous. I’ve been to the toilet twice, nearly thrown up three times,” he said. “I know the street better than anyone. I record every episode.”

MONSTER CATCH WEIGHS 415KG

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock’ Facebook

NEW ZEALAND

They knew they had a sizeable catch when they felt a tug on the line. But it took three men to bring in a monster bluefin tuna caught off the NZ coast. The giant Pacific fish, caught off the East Cape, had a live weight of 415kg and a gutted weight of 361kg. It was caught by three fishermen aboard the 20m-longline fishing boat the Karina B and took three hours to land. Wayne Macfarlane, the boat’s skipper, said it was “a bit of a mission” to get it aboard. The fish was being transferred to

Fine, in pounds, handed to Jacek Korolko from Bristol, for playing Celine Dion too loudly. Should’ve been more

Catch of the day: Wayne and the tuna Tauranga where it would be put in a “coffin” and prepared for sale in Japan. His father Dugal said: “It was a pretty amazing fish. We’ve had other fish, sort of 80 or 100 kilos lighter than that over the years, but this is the biggest one.”

TORTOISE SEX IS ON FIRE

UNITED KINGDOM A tortoise’s mating ritual has been blamed for starting a fire that tore through a garage and conservatory. Alf Clayton, of West Yorkshire, said Henry and Alice had only just woken from hibernation and they were both obviously keen to make up for lost time. Firefighters attributed the conflagration to a fallen incubator lamp that set fire to the wood chips around it inside the turtle’s terrarium. Clayton said Henry “must have knocked the heater over” during his lustful pursuit. “We tried our best to save them” he said, “but the blaze was too fierce.”

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK These are real! Russell Crowe posts photos on Twitter, claiming he accidentally photographed a UFO over Sydney’s Botanical Gardens.

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HAMISH RATHER-GOOD: KIWI DEBUTANT HITS 171 Black Caps batsman Hamish Rutherford crafted a stunning first Test innings against England

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: HELEN ELFER helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Mooo-ve over: cows ready to be sold at auction

Why are we still eating processed meat?

Photos: Getty

New research links processed meat to cancer and heart disease Hi there everyone, my name’s Helen and I’m a smug vegetarian. For years I’ve been taking stick for eschewing roast chooks, averting my eyes from perfectly pink-centred chunks of rib-eye and, toughest of all, passing up gravy-soaked bangers and mash – my mouth’s watering even as I type that. But finally, my kind and I have the chance to rub our hands together and say we told you so. Ha. The processed meat industry is absolute bullshit. This has been made painfully clear by a string of stories involving everything from mystery meat in spaghetti ‘bolo-neighs’ to high levels of heart disease from eating it. I have no problem with eating animals per se, if they’re humanely reared and killed, but there’s no denying mass meat production is a nasty business. It begins with horrifying levels of cruelty on factory farms (don’t get me started on allegations of baby chicks being mashed alive) and continues through a lengthy processing chain where so much mincing, mixing and chemical-adding is done that by the time it’s on a plate, no one knows what the heck it is (painkiller-contaminated horse? Romanian donkey?). And as if that wasn’t off-putting enough, last week new research by the BMC Medicine journal was released that linked processed meat with heart disease, cancer and early death. The stats showed the overall risk of dying from any cause is 44 per cent greater for those who consume 160g of processed meat or more a day – around two sausages and a slice of bacon. High levels of consumption increased the risk of death from heart disease by 72 per cent and cancer by 11 per cent. Surely there’s a blindingly obvious answer here. Let’s scale down a bit. If farmers weren’t under such pressure to produce huge quantities of meat, they could afford less monstrous farming processes. There would be no need to stuff their products with chemical preservatives. We could all enjoy the occasional piece of nutritious, fresh, locally farmed meat and be a lot healthier for it. But until then I’m leaving well alone. » Agree or disagree? Should we bother with processed meat? letters@tntmagazine.com

BANK CUSTOMERS SCREWED OVER Another week, another banking botchup. Many NatWest customers were left without access to their cash last week, less than a year after IT problems left them unable to move money or pay bills for days. At the time of writing, RBS (which owns NatWest) were not offering any form of compensation to customers who had been affected. Unsurprising, sure, especially since the number of those affected is so large, but still unacceptable. How badly do you have to have been inconvenienced by a bank before you get more than a public statement by way of an apology?

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How do banks get away with it?

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When people can’t access their cash, they incur fines, get embarrassed at shop tills, can’t buy food for their families, or can’t afford transport home. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. So come on RBS, are you really sorry about your customers having to put life on hold for a day? Then put your money where you mouth is to show it. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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‘I almost lost my job’ Sign our petition calling on the UKBA to improve its shambolic visa services WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Just days after launching our TNT UKBA Balls-Up campaign, we’ve had more than 400 signatures and we’ve been inundated with horror stories. More tales of misinformation being handed out to applicants, or, equally as bad, no information being given, so people are left in the dark about their visas and passports. Weddings have been missed, travel plans put on hold and jobs nearly lost (see Courtney Sherwell’s story, below). In the same week as we uncovered a catalogue of incompetency, UKBA announced it was increasing its visa fees – rubbing salt in the wound for many (for a full list of the rises visit tntmagazine.com/ukba). We demanded a response from the Home Office. Mark Harper, minister for immigration, said the increases were “mostly” in line with inflation. “We believe it is right that those who use and benefit from the immigration system should contribute more than the UK taxpayer.” We don’t disagree. But what we do disagree with is tourists and travellers coming to the UK to travel, to work, to spend money, and to boost the economy having to pay even more money for a second-rate service. And that’s why we’re campaigning – see our list of demands on the petition to the right. We need your support to make these changes. Sign our petition today, send it to your friends, your family – anyone who has come into contact with UKBA or is planning on doing so. Let’s stop them being able to force people visiting the UK to put their lives on hold.

Courtney Sherwell: ‘An eight-month nightmare’ Courtney Sherwell almost lost her job and missed out on a trip home to Australia to see her unwell elderly grandparents due to UKBA incompetence. The 28-year-old has been living and working in London on an ancestry visa since 2007. In July 2012, she applied to extend her visa, paying £561. The HR department at the hospital where she worked asked for monthly updates as her visa had expired. “But 44

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as per the UKBA guidelines, while a visa application is in process, I could continue to act on the current conditions of my old passport, so I wasn’t too worried,” she says. Fast-forward to December: Sherwell had to cancel a planned trip to Australia to see her family. And she had to tell her HR rep she still hadn’t heard from UKBA. “I was told as I had not heard anything further, and had not enrolled biometric data, it ‘was not good news’,” she explains. “They were doing their job and the right thing by the rules. “But I was really worried so I called UKBA – they couldn’t find me on their system, saying my reference number was

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It feels like I’m being held to ransom

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invalid. The woman told me it was odd but said as it hadn’t been six months, she couldn’t take it further.” Sherwell was called to a meeting with her manager. “She told me based on UKBA advice, it was recommended my contract be terminated immediately. My face was a picture.” Luckily, Sherwell managed to keep her job – she had enough evidence to show her application was in the system. “I called the UKBA again. I wrote and faxed them a letter. After speaking to an immigration lawyer I requested all the data UKBA held on me under the Data Protection Act. It was all five years old and suggested I’d never entered the UK! “Six months to the day after submitting my application, I called UKBA and I was told they couldn’t find my file and suggested I write to them. Out of desperation, I contacted my MP. In January UKBA finally requested my biometric data. “I wasn’t given any indication of how long it would take from then. I felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare. I

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Have you suffered at the hands of the UKBA? We want to hear your story, email carol.driver@tntmultimedia.com

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Nearly 13 years ago, Brendon Watkins came to the UK from New Zealand. He met his now wife the following year and they both travelled together, settling in the UK on various visas to work since 2004. In October 2012, the 35-year-old was advised by the UKBA to apply for naturalisation for indefinite leave to remain. Just weeks later he received a rejection letter – he’d applied for the wrong visa, costing him £991. Watkins, who has two kids, appealed against UKBA’s decision with the help of his MP, but it was refused. He sought help from an immigration lawyer which cost £1800 – and will also have to pay a further £991 for the correct visa. “I’m absorbed in our community in South Ealing; we pick up shopping for elderly neighbours and help out with gardening, for no other reason than that’s the type of people we are,” he says. “The cynical part of me says the UKBA has got money off me and they’re ticking the box with regards to lowering immigration. “I’m being told I could expect a letter telling me to leave the country in the next two months. I can’t just uproot my family – they’re all British and would need visas for NZ. “And all the money I’m spending is a holiday home to see the grandparents that I can no longer afford. I feel like I’m being held to ransom. They’re destroying my life.”

Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the government agency changes its policies so that:

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needed to move house in April, but had no idea if I could without my documents. I couldn’t plan to go back to Oz or go on holiday. I couldn’t even get a new phone contract. My life was put on hold for eight months.” Last week, Sherwell’s visa was approved. “It took four weeks after receiving my biometrics. If it can be turned around so quickly, why the eight-month wait?”

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline

NAME: ADDRESS: EMAIL: NATIONALITY: DOB: Send this form to Carol Driver, TNT Magazine, 111 Cannon Street, EC4N 5AR. Or email your details with ‘UKBA BallsUp’ in the subject to carol.driver@tntmultimedia.com

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Old timer: Mark Webber

eldest statesman mark in tune for oz Formula one

Aussie Mark Webber lines up for the Australian Grand Prix this weekend as the grid’s most senior driver after the retirements last year of Michael Schumacher and Pedro de la Rosa. Yet, at 36, he’s not eyeing the door – in fact, he’s fired up to take the F1 number one slot from his Red Bull teammate Sebastian Vettel. Webber comes into the season with a new team race engineer, after his high-tech spanner man Ciaron Pilbeam left him for Lotus after seven years. No excuses though, as Simon Rennie (who was with Kimi Raikkonen in 2012) takes over. “This is part of Formula One,” Webber said. “Unfortunately there are sometimes changes but everyone is still positive to work with and we have a fresh start and a new environment. Overall we still have a strong team and one that can challenge for the championship.”

Aussies shocked at how tough india is cricket

Australian coach Mickey Arthur insists team morale isn’t dire after two heavy Test losses in India, but issued an ‘I told you so’ to his inexperienced line-up. “There’s no issue in terms of team morale,” he said. “But I think they’re realising some harsh lessons about playing in India. When I stood up at the start of the tour and said to them, ‘This is going to be the toughest cricket you’ve ever played’, they looked at me and said, ‘Yeah right’. “They’re now realising it and they’re like leeches for information. They’re putting the time and effort in.” Only captain Michael Clarke and Shane Watson had experience in India prior to this 46

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Valencia’s Sofiane Feghouli didn’t get sent off for this high-footed move, and to his credit Paris St Germain manager Carlo Ancelotti doesn’t roll around as though he’s been shot like a certain player last week. Snide remarks aside, this beauty of a shot was taken during their teams’ 1-1 draw in the Champions League last week that saw PSG progress

four-Test series: “You can’t go to the IGA (supermarket) and buy experience off the shelf. They’re shocked at how hard it is.”

Kiwi hore says hit a blight on his career rugby union

All Black hooker and Highlanders captain Andrew Hore called his hit on Wales lock Bradley Davies, for which he was suspended for five weeks, “a blight on a career” and told of how tough he’s found it missing the opening Super 15 season exchanges. “Like I said at the time, I like to play hard but fair,” he said. “Someone told me at the time that I was suspended that it would get harder when the time came that I was actually missing games.”

BIG WEEK FOR ... This space is usually reserved for an emerging talent or someone under the pump to keep their spot, but not this week – it’s Aussie skipper Michael Clarke, who’ll be doing well to keep his cool with the inept lads who surround him. It’ll also be a significant week as he’ll be batting at four in the third Test against India (Thur, 4am, Sky Sports 3) in an attempt to stop the top order rot that has contributed so greatly to two floggings in the series so far.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Watching United get beat wasn’t great and Nani’s was never a red card. But I gave myself a red card last week Golfer and Manchester United fan Rory McIlroy spent last week apologising for his walk-off at the Honda Classic

Grand: England’s Brad Barritt will have to be on song in defence against Wales

… [Silence] … Sir Alex Ferguson did his best Simon and Garfunkel impression after Manchester United’s controversial loss to Real Madrid

PREVIEW SUPER SATURDAY SIX NATIONS FINALE ITALY V IRELAND; WALES V ENGLAND; FRANCE V SCOTLAND SAT, 2.30PM, BBC ONE

If you stupidly agreed to do something on Saturday that doesn’t involve plonking yourself in front of the final three Six Nations matches, back to back, you’ve still got time to fix it. Seriously, this is about as good as it gets – regardless of the results at the weekend there will be storylines galore. And as the series so far has shown, regardless of the match-up every game can be a corker.

England will face a Welsh side which despite being in poor form won two from their first three games. But so did Scotland, who interim Australian coach Scott Johnson has worked wonders with, and therefore shocked everyone by doing the same. But this Six Nations has been all about the boys in white, and the entire sequence has been leading up to this match being a fitting finale for the campaign. A win could mean a grand slam for England, but there’s a motto for the Welsh that guarantees this game will be a cracker: “As long as we beat the English.”

THE CHAT | Déjà vu for Arsene’s Gunners

Hopefully, onwards and upwards from here. It’s good to be back, a game I grew up playing After the hype, Sonny Bill Williams “blew out the cobwebs” in his first match back in the NRL, a 28-10 loss to South Sydney

England are better than them in all areas Australia’s in Ashes strife if this assessment of the teams from former ECB skipper Michael Vaughn is correct

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FORMULA ONE Will Tuesday’s match between Arsenal and Q Bayern Munich be the end of any hopes the Gunners had for silverware this year? Yes, and if you think otherwise and are right we hope you A put some coin on it. Even if the deficit wasn’t 3-1 after the tie at Emirates, the odds would be against Arsene Wenger’s men. A win for Bayern will be the fourth time in a row they’ve gone on from the last 16 stage, while failure for Arsenal will be the fourth time in five years they’ve fallen at this stage. Arsenal need three goals at least – a 2-0 win would equal the aggregate, but they’d lose on the away goal rule. Their last meeting was a ‘men vs boys’ affair, with only Luke Wilshire standing up for the side which failed in the FA and League Cups.

Australian Grand Prix The opening event of the season Sun, 4.30am, Sky Sports 1 (Race from 6am)

CRICKET New Zealand v England Second Test from Auckland Weds, 9.30pm, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Shining light: Wilshire

Everton v Manchester City English Premier League action Sat, 12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Cultured combat Smart, polite and renowned for his flying knee kicks – Glory 5’s Remy Bonjasky is ‘The Flying Gentleman’ WORDS MICHAEL GADD

You wouldn’t shock anyone if you called Remy Bonjasky a bit of a tosser based on his credentials – it’s what people do when someone is just too good on paper. In Bonjasky’s case, he’s a reformed banker who looks like someone on a billboard flogging men’s underwear, and he even once ran down a group of loons shooting darts from a car – they’d stupidly hit him with one – and got a medal of honour from the police. After our chat, though, I wouldn’t call him anything that would risk offence. Firstly, he’s renowned for his ability to floor opponents with a swift kick to the head they don’t see coming, or worse, his spectacular flying knees – and they look painful. Secondly, he’s just so damn nice. Guess that’s why he’s called ‘The Flying Gentleman’. After watching many fight clips before this interview, I comprehend the flying bit – he routinely absorbs a few punches from an opponent before lunging airborne with a pronounced knee and suddenly only one of them is standing – but the other side? I ask, are you really a gentleman? “It’s not that I’m trying to be a gentleman, but when people are comparing me to other fighters, they see me as a gentleman,” he says, with a charming hint of discomfort. “Me compared to James Bond, I wouldn’t be a gentleman.” Could it have something to do with you looking like a Calvin Klein model? “I don’t want to say that, but yeah, people say I don’t look like a fighter,” says the former ABN Amro employee and mortgage consultant. “And they say I talk normal, a decent guy and not like a fighter.” I later discover he and Dutch Olympic gold medallist Inge de Bruijn have been faces for lingerie brand Sapph since 2010. Londoners get a chance to see the Suriname-born Dutchman Bonjasky, 37, in full flight at Glory 5 at ExCel London on March 23. He’ll take on countryman Tyrone Spong, 27, in a heavyweight bout that will headline an 11-fight line-up of K-1 kickboxing – basically a more free48

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flowing form of muay Thai or kickboxing which allows knees and elbows. Both fighters moved to the Netherlands at age five from Suriname, in the north of South America, but that’s where the similarities end. University-educated Bonjasky is a pin-up out of the ring for the sport most massive in Japan and a legend inside the ropes as a three-time world Grand Prix Champion (2003, 2004 and 2008). However, this is just his

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I’m no gentleman … if compared to Bond

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third fight back since a three-year lay-off thanks to injury. Spong is covered in animal tattoos, breeds pit bull terriers, and is better known for his punching – he trains with boxer Floyd Mayweather. He is the next big thing. “Fans have wanted to see a fight between Remy Bonjasky and Tyrone Spong for some time,” says Glory CEO Marcus Luer. “Bonjasky is an idol to fight fans around the world and Spong has been on a steady rise to the top, he’s a fighter that everybody is talking about right now. Bonjasky’s flying knees and Spong’s hands are capable of stopping a fight in an instant – don’t blink.” Bonjasky’s preparation for this fight has anticipated an onslaught from Spong. “Tyrone’s a youngster who will fight forward, so we’re looking out for that. We’re planning a different approach. My sparring partners have been attacking me constantly and keeping me busy, so I’m prepared for that from Tyrone.” Spong will be wary of the famed airborne attack, inspired by Jean-Claude Van Damme and developed in muay Thai.

Hardly gentle: Bonjasky’s kicks are fierce, his appearance is not

[Caption] Bruiser: Aussie Moxon’s renowned for power

Photos: Glory

“When I did muay Thai I always did the flying knee,” Bonjasky says. “Jumping up like that as a heavyweight is not something they all do, so when I could do it I loved it and really trained on that.” His journey to K-1 status started when a broken leg playing football as a teen led him to give the game away. He came to kickboxing like most kids come to anything, a few mates and a bet. In this case, it was whether a famed Van Damme move in the fight classic Bloodsport was possible. “At school, we argued about when Jean Claude jumps up and does some flip flops (flicks his feet a few times) and before he lands seven guys are knocked out,” Bonjasky laughs. “Some of the guys thought it could be done, others didn’t. One of the guys was doing kickboxing and said let’s go to a class to see. We went, I joined the group and from then on I loved the sport.” So was the move real or not? “Sadly, it’s not real.” But you’re renowned for your flying kicks, if anyone could make it real … “Yeah, but when I kick someone it’s going to be one kick, one action and that’s it.” By “that’s it”, he means they’ll be knocked out cold on the canvas and he’ll have his arms raised aloft. This is the same guy who’d previously spoken about his close mother-son relationship – it was on her advice he pursued uni and work before going pro at age 25. “She said I should always have a plan B.” He’d also spoken about his motto, “Train hard, fight easy”. For Bonjasky, it appears things come quite easily, but hard for his combatants. Spong will have his say on that, though. Glory 5 Kickboxing: Bonjasky vs Spong plus 11 superfights, Saturday, March 23, 6pm, ExCel London 1 Western Gateway, E16 1XL gloryworldseries.com; ticketmaster.co.uk Canning Town

‘STONE COLD’ AUSSIE STEVE MOXON GOING FOR GLORY Aussie ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Moxon is a dream for fight fans, a dynamic bruiser no stranger to knockouts. The 25-year-old from Victorian country town Ballan, a fully qualified infantry soldier in the Australian Army, will be the undoubted villain though when he takes on Brit Jordan Watson at Glory 5 in London on March 23. “I love the pressure; it always makes me push harder,” he says, happy to play that role. “There is always a healthy rivalry between Aussies and the Poms in all sports, so I’m keen to keep the tradition going.” The lightweight bout will be highly anticipated, with Watson, out of Leeds, one of the UK’s brightest talents. “He is very fast and accurate,” Moxon says. “I need to look out for kicks, kicks and more kicks.” Watson will have to be wary of Moxon’s undoubted power – he’s won 20 of his 31 fights via knockout – as he makes his debut in the world-renowned Glory stable. Hardly a household name in Oz, he’s keen to build his image inside the ring and takes his nickname from a master of showmanship, WWE legend Steve Austin. “This is my job. At the end of the day I’m signed to the biggest kickboxing promotion in the world, so that’s credit enough,” he says. “My goal is to be a sports personality, not just another fighter.” Why not come up with your own name? “I’m a Steve Austin fan from my days playing in the school yard,” he says. “The name ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Moxon just stuck with me when I started fighting. And no way, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin would still kick my ass. Why? Because Stone Cold said so!”

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Extreme: referee Cakir chose controversial red when yellow wouldn’t have batted an eyelid

The law of common sense should be made ofﬁcial

And maybe professional pundits and fans should learn the rules

» Agree or disagree? Did Nani’s red card lack common sense? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

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How quickly the tide turns. Last week I wrote the Aussies were the new Brits when it came to slagging off our cricket team as Down Under fears the worst for the upcoming Ashes. Then England rocks up in Dunedin, gets rolled for 167 runs and watch on as debutants in a team ranked above only Bangladesh looked like seasoned veterans. Hamish Rutherford stood out especially in his first Test with an impressive 171 runs against a world class bowling line-up. Bruce Martin, also on debut, earlier snagged a surprise four wickets with his gentle tweakers on a decent wicket.

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Experience counts for jack. Thanks NZ

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This showed a few things to give the Aussies, who are getting battered like an Edinburgh Mars bar in India, a bit of confidence. It showed England aren’t infallible. They’re vulnerable in a first Test of a series. And experience counts for jack. That might be clutching at straws, but it’s a long way from jumping out the window.

Photo: Getty

There are 18 laws in Association Football. A false statement, yes, you’ll know if there’s always been a copy in your house of Fifa’s little tome which governs what happens on a football pitch, from law one (the field of play) to law 17 (the corner kick). But there’s an 18th, the most important, and that’s common sense. Turkish ref Cuneyt Cakir didn’t get the memo when he ruined a bloody good Champions League game last week and sent Manchester United’s Nani off. ITV’s Roy Keane said the winger should’ve seen red ‘cos “it was dangerous”. Since “playing in a dangerous manner” in most cases means a mere indirect free kick, maybe a yellow card if there’s “an obvious risk of injury”, we’ll ignore his assessment of the rules. But the Irish former Red said one thing sensible – Nani gave the ref a choice to send him off or not. Nani gave Cakir a choice when he attempted to control a high ball with his foot and from behind him came Real’s Alvaro Arbeloa, who rolled about like he’d been shot. Without prejudice – I couldn’t give a toss who won – Nani’s foul wasn’t red cardworthy, despite Cakir telling the media he stands by his 56th-minute decision, saying, “The world will realise the truth over time.” Weird. The truth is that Cakir could have sent Nani off, but only with the most extreme interpretation of the law. Fouls have three levels. 1) Careless: Worth a free kick for “a lack of consideration when making a challenge”. 2) Reckless: Worth a yellow for “showing disregard to the danger to an opponent”. 3) Using excessive force: A send-off for “far exceeding the necessary use of force and is in danger of injuring his opponent”. Nani was the first, maybe the second (even if not aware of the player behind him). Not the third. Cakir reached for the most extreme punishment when yellow was sufficient, changed the course of the game and got himself in the papers. Sure, the ref’s there to enforce rules and ensure the safety of players, but their main role should be to not influence the outcome of a game and show common sense.

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Destination Moscow Head to Russia for the Rugby World Cup Sevens 2013 Rugby Sevens will make its Olympic debut at the Rio Games in 2016 and the sport is experiencing unprecedented profile and growth ahead of then. But there is no need to wait until 2016 to see the sport’s best athletes in action. The Rugby World Cup Sevens 2013 takes place in Moscow between June 28 and 30 and it promises to be a fun-packed three-day festival of rugby, music and entertainment. Moscow’s iconic Luzhniki Stadium, host of the 1980 Olympic Games and the 2008 UEFA Champions League final, will be the venue for the tournament which features 24 men’s and 16 women’s teams.

A three-day festival Anyone who has been to a major Rugby Sevens tournament will know that it’s not just about the action on the field. A three-day celebration of sport, music and entertainment sums the experience up perfectly – and Moscow promises to deliver exactly this. With a major music act to be announced shortly, as well as other Russian bands set to play across the tournament, fans are guaranteed non-stop entertainment on and off the pitch. And with the Luzhniki Stadium perfectly situated just a short Metro ride from the heart of Moscow, fans have the opportunity to experience one of the world’s most exciting, vibrant and historic cities in mid-summer against the backdrop of perfect weather.

Photo: IRB

Incredible rugby The game’s governing body, the International Rugby Board, hopes to grow the sport beyond its traditional heartlands, and the RWC Sevens 2013 taking place in Russia aims to do exactly this. With matches just 15 minutes long, involving incredible athletes and super-quick turnarounds, the tournament promises to be the most exciting and spectacular sports event in the world this year. All of the rugby powerhouses will be in Moscow –

Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, England, Wales and France – as well as emerging teams from Brazil, the Netherlands, China and the US. In the initial pool stage, men’s defending champions Wales will face the likes of Fiji and Tonga, while Australia have France in their group. South Africa’s early opposition will include home team Russia, while New Zealand will face the emerging talents of the US and Canada. The women’s draw promises early excitement with defending champions Australia pitted against South Africa – but watch out for Brazil, who could even be a medal contender on home soil at Rio 2016.

Experience amazing Moscow When the rugby and music ends each day, fans can experience the full glory of Russia’s capital. The ancient city has always been a haven for history buffs. The red-brick towers of the Kremlin occupy the founding site of Moscow; churches and monuments remember fallen heroes and victorious battles; and remains of the Soviet state are scattered all around the city. World-class venues such as the Pushkin Museum of Fine Arts are experimenting and expanding. Tchaikovsky and Chekhov are well represented at Moscow’s theatres but you can also see world premieres by up-and-coming composers, choreographers and playwrights. Foodies will enjoy an array of wine bars, coffee and sushi bars, while night owls can experience a dynamic scene of exclusive nightclubs, bohemian art cafés, and underground blues bars. There’s something for everyone! With numerous airlines now flying direct to Moscow from London, including easyJet, British Airways, Aeroflot and Transaero, plus a simplified visa process for tournament ticket holders, this June is the perfect time to experience rugby and Russia. For tournament and ticket information:

rwcsevens.com

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EAR WE GO AGAIN Bihari Hindu priests and devotees run while holding their ears as they perform a ritual at the Sangam, the confluence of the rivers Ganges, Yamuna and mythical Saraswati, during the Maha Kumbh festival in Allahabad, north India.

Photos: Getty

INSIDE

VIEW FROM THE TOP /56

WETTER THE BETTER /64

ARGENTINA ACTION /68

Got a head for heights? Then why not visit one of England’s tallest attractions – you’re guaranteed a dizzying day out.

From spurting geysers to shimmering waterfalls and steaming lagoons, Reykjavik’s array of geological wonders is dazzling.

With cobbled lanes in the barrios, gaucho ranch life and, of course, a touch of tango, Buenos Aires will keep you on your toes. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELDIARY

@tntmagazine

Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

TONGUE TIED ABROAD Everyone knows Brits embarrass themselves on holiday. If they’re not displaying the national tribal tattoo of white criss-crosses on dark pink, sunburned backs, they’re twice as drunk as everyone else or complaining loudly about unruly queues. Usually, when I hear about this kind of behaviour abroad I feel pretty smug and superior. Until now, that is.

A survey released this week had some cringeworthy stats on how British people cope with language barriers and I’m guilty of every last one of their shameful faux pas. One third make hand gestures rather than finding out the phrase they need. I do this a lot. Like a spoiled toddler, I’m terrible for pointing, stabbing my fingers towards beer taps, bus stops and, rudest of all, stuff other people have that I want (usually tasty-looking dishes that I can’t find on the menu). How obnoxious. Worse still, I often pretend I know what people are saying. Even in the few places I can speak a little of the language, I usually lose the thread after a sentence or two. But because of that classic British horror of making a fool of myself, instead of just admitting it, I plaster an inane grin on my face, laugh a lot when there’s a pause, and start backing slowly away: “Hahaha! Yes yes, ciao/au revoir/guten tag! Haha!” What a massive douche. Must do better in future. But at least I’m not one of the daft 53 per cent of Brits who don’t worry about language barriers because they believe that most people overseas speak English; even though 82 per cent of the planet don’t speak a lick of it. Phew! Smug feeling safely back in place.

Write in to helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

SONGKRAN Thailand Imagine a giant, country-wide wet T-shirt contest, but without the sleaze factor. That’s basically Songkran in a nutshell. Expect to be 13-15 squirted, splashed and sprayed in this Thai New Year festival. The wet gathering takes place at the end of the dry season when temperatures in Thailand can reach a scorching 40ºC. APRIL

WHY: Songkran means to “pass” or “move into”, which is why the Thai New Year is celebrated during the springtime. Traditionally, youngsters gently sprinkled water on their elders as a sign of respect but the event has now evolved into an all-out water war.

JAZZ FEST South Africa

Now in its 14th year, Cape Town’s annual jazz festival 5-6 draws more than 40 artists from around the globe. As well as finger-clicking concerts, the festival also offers master classes for budding jazz musicians. APRIL

capetownjazzfest.com

SKI AND SNOWBOARD Canada

At the World Ski and Snowboard Festival you can 12 do your thing on the slopes all day, or spend your time checking out the live outdoor concerts, parties, art exhibitions, film competition screenings and fashion shows at British Columbia’s Whistler resort. APRIL

wssf.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: There’s more to the fest than just getting wet: Thai people parade Buddha images through the streets on decorated floats, and make sand sculptures in their local temples which are decorated with colourful flags. songkran.tourismthailand.org

CHAITRA PARVA

India

This three-day party has been nicknamed the ‘festival 11-14 of festivals’. A lavish religious celebration, the wedding of the ancient Lord Shiva is re-enacted and traditional Chhau folk dances are performed with giant masks. APRIL

tourism.gov.in

TIME WARP

Germany

Head to Mannheim this year to be a part of one of 6 Germany’s biggest and best house and techno fests. This year’s line-up includes Laurent Garnier, Carl Cox, Ricardo Villalobos, Loco Dice and Jamie Jones, among 40 DJs and other live acts. APRIL

time-warp.de

Photo: Getty

How do you cope with language barriers?

Get wet: Thailand’s Songkran fest

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oz dream jobs

Sell Sydney: you could be the Chief Funster

Tourism Australia has announced six dream jobs up for grabs, including Chief Funster (New South Wales) and Outback Adventurer (Northern Territory). “We’ve taken one of the most successful tourism campaigns in recent times – ‘Best Job in the World’ – and made it bigger and better by coming up with a competition which represents our breathtaking landscapes, our unique wildlife, great food and wine and, of course, our huge sense of fun,” said Tourism Australia MD Andrew McEvoy. If you want to snag one of these amazing gigs (the salaries are chunky too), then head to australia.com/bestjobs now and apply.

Photo: Getty

A travel lottery Want to visit the beautiful Subway canyon in Utah’s Zion National Park? You’d better hope for a bit of good luck then, as the sight has become so popular that in order to visit, you literally have to win the lottery. Park officials are now only issuing 80 permits a day for hikers, who have to pay £3.30 just to be in with a chance of winning one. The canyon is particularly famous for having dramatic rock formations illuminated by vibrant green light that comes from the algae growing there. The lottery will only be held during the peak season, between March and November, when demand is at its highest.

Travel jobs slashed UK travel giant Thomas Cook has announced plans to cut 16 per cent of its workforce in the UK and Ireland and close one in four of its high street shops. Thomas Cook is the world’s oldest travel company, founded in 1808, and has been hit particularly hard by the economic downturn in recent years. Peter Fankhauser, Thomas Cook’s CEO, said: “We owe it to our customers to ensure that when they book their holiday with us, our administrative costs are as low as possible. Even after these changes, we will still have one of the largest retail networks in the world.”

drunk pilot A Thomson Airways pilot suspected of hitting the bottle before attempting to fly has been arrested. The employee, who has not been named, was due to take hundreds of passengers on a commercial flight last month. However, it is reported that he was picked up by the police inside the terminal building just a matter of moments before he boarded the flight. An airline spokesman confirmed that it had suspended one of its pilots. “We are continuing to conduct an internal investigation into the situation, and the pilot in question has been suspended,” he said. Scary stuff.

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“Sense of embrace”: The Angel [Caption] loves the North “this much”

On high: Scafell Pike is England’s tallest peak

Tallest attractions england

Full view: Sea Life Tower has a 360-degree vista (and below)

Panoramic: Spinnaker Tower 56

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Thrill: scream if you wanna go faster on Big One in Blackpool

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08/03/2013 13:07:51

UKTRIP

The view from the top Got a head for heights? Then why not visit one of England’s tallest attractions – you’re guaranteed a dizzying day out EDITED BY HELEN ELFER

Since The View from The Shard observation deck opened last month in London, we’ve developed quite the taste for heights. The Shard might be the tallest building in Western Europe at 224m, but the rest of England has plenty of neck-craning attractions too. From oversized artworks to adrenaline-pumping roller coaster rides and iconic towers, this country has some absolute behemoths out there. So if you fancy a larger-than-life excursion, think big and head to one of these terrific tourism titans.

Photos: Getty; Dorset Media Service; British Tourist Authority

Scafell Pike, Lake District

national icon with panoramic views of the harbour, south coast and out to the Isle of Wight. It is said the views stretch for up to 23 miles – they’re breathtaking by day and a glittering sea of lights by night. View Deck 1 boasts a glass floor, where visitors of all ages can dare to ‘walk on air’, View Deck 2 is home to the Café in the Clouds and View Deck 3 – The Crow’s Nest – is open to the elements, enabling visitors to feel the wind in their hair. PRICE: Tickets cost £8.25pp. MORE: spinnakertower.co.uk

HEIGHT: 978m Did you know that this country has over 200 mountains? Of all the peaks of England, the majority can be found in the Lake District. These include Scafell Pike, England’s highest mountain, which sits majestically just waiting to be scaled. It was once described as “every inch a mountain” by legendary guidebook author Alfred Wainwright. Characterised by crags and jaw-dropping views, Scafell Pike is no walk in the park. Pack a picnic and climb to the summit for an exhilarating sense of achievement. PRICE: Free MORE: scafellpike.org.uk

Big One, Blackpool Pleasure Beach

Angel of the North, Newcastle Gateshead

HEIGHT: 53m Weymouth Bay is part of England’s most scenic coastland. It’s also home to some of the country’s best sailing waters, and hosted the Olympic and Paralympic sailing events last summer. Soaring high above the resort, Weymouth Sea Life Tower provides stunning 360-degree views of the Jurassic coastline – England’s first natural Unesco World Heritage Site – and over Weymouth Bay, Chesil Beach and Portland. Climbing to over 170 feet above sea level, a trip to the top is an NEXT WEEK experience not to be missed. PRICE: Tickets from £13pp. Walk the Pennine MORE: visitsealife.com/weymouth

HEIGHT: 20m Up in Gateshead, Anthony Gormley’s The Angel of the North spreads its iron wings 54 metres wide and presides over the A1 and A167 roads on the way into and out of Tyneside. After a controversial start in 1998, The Angel of the North is now almost universally loved, and it seems the feeling is mutual – the sculpture’s wings are angled forward 3.5 degrees to create, in Gormley’s words, “a sense of embrace”. PRICE: Free MORE: angelofthenorth.org.uk Spinnaker Tower, Portsmouth HEIGHT: 170m Soaring above Portsmouth Harbour and the Solent, the Spinnaker Tower is taller than the London Eye and Elizabeth Tower (the one with Big Ben). Finished in 2005 on the waterfront at Gunwharf Quays, it’s established itself as a

HEIGHT: 72m Brace yourself for the Big One, the UK’s tallest roller coaster. Feel the adrenaline rush as you climb to a nail-biting height of 72 metres over Blackpool’s Pleasure Beach. The attraction’s first drop boasts an incline angle of 65 degrees and at speeds of up to 87mph, this roller coaster is an experience like no other. Big One is also one of the world’s longest roller coasters, measuring over a mile in length. PRICE: Unlimited rides wristband costs £17.50pp. MORE: blackpoolpleasurebeach.com Weymouth Sea Life Tower, Dorset

For more information on these sites and other attractions, check out visitengland.com

Way: Take on the UK’s toughest trail

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LATEDEALS

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A five-day tour of Kenya and Tanzania is just £435pp with Absolute Africa

DEAL OF THE WEEK Costa Blanca

£193

A seven-night stay in Benidorm with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes return flights and B&B accommodation. Departs London Stansted on April 11.

< £250

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Thailand A four-day sailing trip costs £336pp with Intrepid Travel (intrepidtravel.com; 0844 499 8487) when you quote code 9793. Includes twin berth accommodation, all meals, excursions and experienced skipper. Excludes flights. Book by March 18. Departs Koh Phi Phi on March 20. Lake garda A seven-night stay costs £296pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 104 1000). Includes return flights and fourstar, half-board accommodation at the Torbole Club Hotel La Vela. Price based on two sharing. Departs London Luton on April 15. AFRICA A five-day tour costs £435pp (save 25 per cent) with Absolute Africa (0208 7420226; absoluteafrica.com). Includes return transfers, guide, camping accommodation, some meals and visits to Kenya and Tanzania. Excludes flights. Departs from Nairobi on March 20.

> £500 NEW YORK Four nights in the Big Apple is £675pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes four-star, room-only accommodation at the NH Jolly Madison Hotel and return flights from London Heathrow. Departs on March 20. Morocco A nine-day tour costs £599pp (save £100) with Encounters Travel (encounterstravel.com; 0800 0886002). Includes accommodation in four-star hotels and a Berber camp, some meals and visits to Marrakech, Berber villages and mountains. Excludes flights. Departs through selected dates in March. MIAMI Five nights in Miami is £691pp (based on two people sharing) with STA Travel (0800 988 0390; statravel.co.uk). Includes room-only accommodation at the Ocean Five and return flights with Delta Airlines. Valid for stays on selected dates May 1-23.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail

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Lisbon Two nights costs £169pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes return flights and five-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel Dom Pedro Palace. Departs London Luton on April 30. BERLIN Three nights in Berlin is £192pp (based on two sharing) with STA Travel (statravel.co.uk; 0800 9880390). Includes room-only accommodation at the Excelsior and return flights with British Airways. Valid for stays until March 31. BUDAPEST Two nights is £168pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at the Continental Zara hotel and return flights from London Luton. Departs on April 22. TALLINN Two nights in Tallinn, Estonia, is £167pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 1041000). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation at the Shnelli hotel and flights from London Gatwick. Departs on April 24. PORTUGAL Seven nights in the Algarve is £185pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes return flights and B&B accommodation at the Plaza Real Aparthotel in Praia da Rocha. Prices based on two people sharing. Departs London Stansted on April 23.

£250 – £500

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CHARLOTTE MAGUIRE Talks travel photography

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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SUNSET FROM THE LOUVRE, FRANCE Bethany de Bruyn, Australia

BRIDGE TO BEGUINAGE CONVENT, BELGIUM Kate Walker, Australia WHY IT WORKS This scene looks like a serene view of old England, but it’s in fact in Bruges, Belgium. A calm river leads the viewer into this peaceful landscape as if they are sailing in along the water. The branches hanging over the water help give perspective between the foreground and the buildings behind, which adds to the intrigue of what could come on the journey past the bridge ahead. Kate has perfectly conjured up a cold, crisp wintry day in northern Europe.

WHY IT WORKS This blazing inferno of an image seems to give a whole new context to the iconic and familiar square of Paris that encompasses the famous Louvre museum and art gallery. The angle Bethany has shot from gives the glass pyramid an other-worldly quality, making the landscape quite surreal, while the people seem like little ants busying around a sugar cube. An apocalyptic sun beats down from the corner, which gives further magic to the picture as it reflects from the water and structure.

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

COLOSSI OF MEMNON, EGYPT Mark Dudfield, from New Zealand

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TOP FIVE

MAZES

hampton court, england

Are you ready for a modern horror story? There are places on earth where not even an iPhone, GPS or trusty old atlas can help you escape. No, not the Northern Line at 8.30am, and nor are we talking about the remotest corners of less-developed countries, where (gasp!) there’s no wi-fi. We mean mazes. Maybe you like them because of the sense of danger that comes with being trapped and lost at the same time, or maybe you’re hooked on the rush once you’ve cracked them. Or possibly you just like to take a slow wander through while pondering their philosophical symbolism. Hmm. No matter what the reason, you can’t deny that an adventure in one of the world’s top mazes is a total blast. One of our all-time faves is very close to home at Hampton Court in Surrey. It was commissioned around 1700 by King William III and is the UK’s oldest surviving hedge maze, covering a third of an acre and with half a mile of paths in total. Baffling twists, confusing turns and maddening dead 60 00

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ends are all part of the game here, as Hampton Court’s is a puzzle maze, unlike the single path mazes that used to be more popular in England. In other words, it has a reputation for being fiendishly difficult to navigate. If being stuck all by yourself in a seemingly endless series of pointless trails wasn’t enough headfuckery for you, an audio installation called Trance that was added a few years ago has only made the experience all the more surreal. The installation was inspired by the concept that mazes are traditionally places of clandestine meetings and saucy goings-on. So hidden sensors in the maze walls trigger mysterious audio clips, which are designed to taunt and mislead lost wanderers. Turn one corner and you’ll hear a rustle of skirts, or you might be tempted down another path by snatches of conversations and a peal of spooky laughter. Could it be the most fun you’ve had or the stuff nightmares are made of? You decide. hrp.org.uk/hamptoncourtpalace/maze

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villa pisani, italy

According to legend, the terror of this maze overwhelmed even infamous dictators Hitler and Mussolini. When the pair met at the maze, neither would venture inside because they were so afraid of getting lost. Where’s the fun in that, guys? Made up of 12 concentric circles, this maze is said to be the world’s most complicated. At the centre, a guide stands on a spiral staircase to give directions to those who are struggling.

Photos: Dole Plantation, Japan National Tourism Organisation, Getty, FOTOTECA ENIT, Caspedia Digital Memorie Library, Newsteam

villapisani.beniculturali.it

Pineapple Garden, us

This maze was named the world’s largest by the Guinness Book of World Records in 2008 and has held the title since. The pineapple-shaped labyrinth stretches over three acres and includes nearly 2.5 miles of paths. Organisers have planted eight secret stations that each lead to the centre of the maze. The fastest people to locate all eight stations and return to the entrance to win a prize did it in seven minutes, but the average time is between 45 minutes and one hour. doleplantation.com

Fortress of no hope, japan

Boutique bliss

Launched just last summer, this mindmelting maze at Fuji-Q theme park gives visitors just 30 minutes to find their way out – the success rate so far stands at nil. The walk-through building, rather than a conventional garden maze, has innumerable doors, halls and rooms that become more complex as the path progresses. There are hidden clues to find and the video game-style setting is designed to test memory, stamina, logic, and, of course, luck. fujiq.jp

kraay family farm, Canada

Most mazes force you to rely on memory and intuition to get out, but this one lets you cheat. Last year, the Kraay family fashioned their Lacombe Corn Maze into a QR code. The Guinness Book of World Records confirmed that at 309, 570 square feet, the kernelled code was the world’s largest. Scanning it takes visitors directly to the farm’s website, where they can attempt to use a diagram to navigate their way through. That is, if they can get service through the stalks.

Radisson Blu Madrid Prado Overview This boutique hotel is just minutes’ walk from all the best features of Madrid – tapas joints and cheap wine bars line the streets surrounding it and, of course, the Museo del Prado, which has one of the biggest collections of European art in the world, is over the road. The hotel has just 54 rooms, so there’s a cosy feel and plenty of character, managing to avoid feeling like an international chain altogether. Creative touches such as the mini art gallery in the foyer give the place an artsy, sophisticated atmosphere. wow factor In the basement is a giant hot tub, which comes complete with multicoloured lights and huge rain showers. The water isn’t as hot as you’d expect but it’s still a very soothing place to chill out. rooms Smart and spacious, many with huge double windows that open out onto traditional Juliet balconies. Oversized prints of the city decorate the walls and cupboards. Bill please Standard rooms from £103pn.

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kraayfamilyfarm.com

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THE INSIDER

Ritzy: make Monaco a stop on your European Interrail jaunt

SIMON FORSTER Key Account Executive TAP Portugal

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q I am hoping to get an Interrail pass through Europe this June for a graduation trip with a group of friends for about three weeks. What is the best route to take which will include famous sights but also the roads (or rails) less travelled? Maeve, via email A The possibilities are endless! Europe is

READERS’ TIPS ON GREAT VIEWS TIP TOP There are lots of amazing places to see Shanghai from on high, but the viewing platforms are pricey. Instead, go to Hyatt on the Bund Vue Bar. Free entry and super views from the 30th floor! Rebecca Li, via email DIZZY HEIGHTS I just got back from Dubrovnik – the sea views from the walls of the old city are the best I’ve ever seen. Peter Dwyer, via email 62

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packed with famous sights from glamorous Paris to edgy Berlin, romantic Venice to historic Dubrovnik. Plan to spend at least a couple of days in each place, as you can’t really get to know anywhere in one day and travelling too much will just wear you out. Make use of overnight trains to save on accommodation. Given these general rules, I would suggest the following itinerary: utilise London’s speedy

Eurostar connection and begin with the stellar sights of Paris. From here you can take a direct train to the glamorous French Riviera. Try your luck at Monaco’s world famous casinos before heading into northern Italy to try some of the world’s best food. In fact, you will be spoiled for choice of cities with top sights in Italy – Rome is bursting with historical wonders such as the Roman Forum and Colosseum, and Pisa’s leaning tower and Florence’s stunning collection of Renaissance art are all worth trying to see. From here, travel to Slovenia for a break from the city scene and spend a few days relaxing by Lake Bled. Then head south to embark on roads less travelled, through northern Croatia and Bosnia, in particular Mostar with its fascinating patchwork of architecture. Finish up with a beach break in Montenegro.

What’s your top travel tip? Use guide books for what they were intended, as guides, and never let them be your only reason for making a big decision. Where’s your favourite off-thebeaten-track place? Managua, Nicaragua. It’s a hot and grimy city that on the surface seems to offer little to tourists. However, if you give it a chance, and a few too many rum and cokes, the city comes alive with beautiful people and a nightlife to match any capital in the world. Ever had a really tough travel experience? Trying to stay vegetarian in Uganda and East Africa – I gave it my best shot, though.

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TNT_1541_063 63

08/03/2013 15:13:12

Clockwise: Stunning overview of Reykjavik; steamy Blue Lagoon waters; the Gullfoss waterfall; and the Hallgrimskirkja Church

[Caption] ICELAND

Reykjavik iceland REYKJAVIK

TNT_1541_064 64

GETTING THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Reykjavik with Iceland Air from ÂŁ217 return. icelandair.co.uk

tntMagazine.com

08/03/2013 14:12:38

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Wetter the better From spurting geysers to shimmering waterfalls and steaming lagoons, Reykjavik’s array of geological wonders is dazzling Words Helen Elfer

Forget Iceland’s reputation as the land of fire and ice. The truth about its capital is actually smack bang in the middle of those two extremes: Reykjavik is a land of wetness. It’s everywhere. When you’re not watching geysers spurting 30m-high jets of boiling water from deep within the earth’s core, you’re gazing at fog rolling over the lava fields, clouds curling around the snowy top of Mount Esja, spray kicking up from tremendous Gullfoss waterfall or vapour rising from the geothermal Blue Lagoon. When I catch my first glimpse of Reykjavik’s ever-present mist, on the drive from Keflavik Airport to the city centre, I have to admit it looks bleak. The wintry sky is a swirl of brown and grey clouds, split by only a few streaks of pale light. All I can see through the coach windows are endless muddy, rocky plains. But a couple of kilometres into the drive I get a sudden jolt when I spot a series of dark, sinister figures standing motionless on the hills. As I get closer I can see they’re just piles of rocks, small stones at the top to represent heads and huge ones underneath for bodies. I get it: beautifully simple, their presence transforms the damp landscape from dull and grim to a starkly beautiful work of art. Icelanders seem to have a knack for producing incredibly inventive artworks that bridge the gap between people and their environment. Later on that afternoon I take a walk to the Hallgrimskirkja Church, which sits at the heart of the city centre. Shaped like a volcano, it has swooping ridged walls that resemble flowing basalt lava, but also look a little like the pipes of an organ. At the top of the church is an observation deck from where you can see the North Atlantic Ocean on one side, mountains in the backdrop, and down below, hundreds of Reykjavik’s idiosyncratic small white houses, the roofs all painted in the blue, red, green and yellow palette of a cheerful suburban leisure centre. The following morning I’m keen to see some of the region’s geological big hitters, so I join a Golden Circle bus tour. Our first stop is at Thingvellir, where Iceland´s first National Assembly was held in 930AD – and you couldn’t dream up a more imposing place to lay down the law of the land. Thingvellir is part of a fissure zone that runs through Iceland, on the tectonic plate boundaries of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. A series of staggered rock ledges that make natural platforms lie in the rift valley, and it’s easy to picture

bearded men wearing robes and animal furs, shaking sticks and making solemn pronouncements. Next up is the geothermal geyser field. This zone is covered in hot springs, some of which bubble like a murky witch’s cauldron, and others of which fling torrents of

“

The stark landscape is a work of art

”

boiling water into the air. The main attraction is the Strokkur geyser, which has powerful gushes every five minutes or so that reach up to 30m high. A weird, eggy smell of sulphur hangs over the whole site, which comes from the minerals in the water. As the air is heavy with water vapour, the whole effect would be utterly otherworldly if it wasn’t for the ring of visitors standing eagerly in the puddles, all with ››

Artistic Iceland: stone figures look out to sea tntMagazine.com

TNT_1541_065 65

08/03/2013 14:12:41

cameras held aloft to capture the moment. It starts to drizzle, so we make a quick final stop of the day at Gullfoss, Iceland’s dramatic waterfall. The cascading waters fall over a threestep ‘staircase’ and apparently, on sunny days, rainbows form over the top. Today, sadly, is not one of these days, so through the increasingly heavy rain, I retreat to the bus. The last place on my itinerary is the Blue Lagoon, a geothermal spa set in a lava field. Gentle mist hangs over the mineral-rich, milky-blue waters – inviting isn’t the word. Swimsuit-clad, I scamper as fast as possible through the icy air and plunge straight in to the hot water. It’s an incredible sensation and as I look around, everyone else in the lagoon looks just as blissed out as I feel, luxuriating in the hot water, floating on their backs, and smearing silica mud from huge wooden buckets onto their skin. After a few minutes – of course – it starts to rain. Freezing droplets fall on my scalp, steam swirls around my face, and the rest of my body is toasty warm under the water. In a land of ice, fire and water, this must be as good as it gets. ❚ Helen travelled with Edge edgeadventures.com A four-day Iceland Weekend tour costs £279pp including three nights’ accommodation

Spurting: Strokkur geyser

next week Madrid: We hop on a scooter to explore the Spanish capital

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

The best value place to get dinner in downtown Reykjavik has to be Noodle House, where you can get a huge bowl of tasty Thai-style noodle soup made with fresh ingredients. Mains from £4. nudluskalin.com

Want a taste of real Icelandic cuisine? Head to Cafe Loki, which serves up dishes such as mashed fish and sheep head jelly. Got the stomach for it? Mains from £6.50. textil.is

Fish Company has a popular ‘Around Iceland’ set menu with taster dishes from across the country, including Icelandic lamb and plaice. It doesn’t come cheap though, at £50 a head. fishcompany.is

drink

Drinking isn’t particularly cheap in Reykjavik but you can get a good happy hour deal on beers in Íslenski Barinn between 5pm and 7pm each day when beers start from £2.30. This low-key spot is decorated with old pictures and artefacts from 20thcentury Iceland. islenskibarinn.is

Koffin displays an ambitious sign saying ‘Sushi and Disco’ outside, but inside there’s more of a cafe vibe, with people lounging on cushions, chatting or working on laptops. A pint of beer is £4. Laugavegur 2 (tel. +354 551 1855)

Kolabrautin is on the fouth floor of Reykjavik´s Harpa concert hall, an ultra-modern glass building looking out to sea, and attracts an especially well-heeled crowd. A bottle of house wine is £29. kolabrautin.is

sleep

Housed in an old biscuit factory in downtown Reykjavik and furnished with salvaged materials and secondhand odds and ends, KEX is a quirky place to stay. Dorm beds from £13pn. kexhostel.is

If you want to stay slap bang in the middle of all the action, book a room at Hotel Fron, which is located on the main shopping street of Laugavegur. The rooms are simple, but come equipped with basic cooking facilities, perfect for if you’re trying to cut costs. Single rooms start from £60pn. hotelfron.is

The super-sophisticated Hotel Borg has won a handful of awards, and is set in the beautiful square of Austurvöllur across from Althingi, the Icelandic parliament and the cathedral. Rooms from £94pn. hotelborg.is

eat

TNT_1541_066 66

Photos: TNT; Sigurj n Gujnsson; arctic-images.com; Getty; Thinkstock

BUDGET

tntMagazine.com

08/03/2013 14:12:44

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TOURSEARCH tntmagazine.com/toursearch TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TNT_1541_067 67

08/03/2013 16:36:20

Buenos Aires argentina

argentina

buenos aires

TNT_1541_068 68

brazil

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Buenos Aires from ÂŁ780 return with British Airways. ba.com

uruguay

tntMagazine.com

08/03/2013 12:54:34

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BIGTRIP

All the action in Argentina From cobbled lanes in the eclectic barrios to gaucho ranch life and of course a touch of tango, Buenos Aires will keep you on your toes Words Xav Judd

WHEN TO GO: Spring and With its sizzling nightlife, lush climate, vibrant autumn are the best seasons to snapshots of the trendy outlet stores and visit Buenos Aires as the weather is designer bars and cafes that give the barrio barrios and dazzling architecture, I’m seduced warm (but not scorching) and most by Buenos Aires from the moment I arrive: its well-to-do reputation, alongside the of the city’s festivals and major the heat, the noise and the drama of this city derelict industrial buildings and twisted car sporting events take place during make me feel like the bull entranced by the wrecks that highlight a gritty underbelly. these months. matador and his bright red cape. Lots of my friends say that most of the CURRENCY: £1 = 7.68 ARS A big part of the Argentinian capital’s pictures I usually turn out seem like they’ve (Argentine Peso) appeal is the individuality and charm of its 48 been taken by Stevie Wonder, but with my ACCOMMODATION: barrios (neighbourhoods), each of which has newly enhanced skills this is already not the Situated in a typical home in the its own unique character. The geographical case. The whole thing ends when we return Palermo Soho district, Palermo heart of the city, Microcentro, has a plethora back to base camp (a café-cum-antique shop, of historic buildings and museums; the streets Viejo is a B&B with heaps of in this case) and view what we’ve produced character and plenty of plant-filled of the old port region La Boca are lined on a projector over a glass of wine. It’s a patios for relaxing in. Rooms start with brightly painted houses; and Palermo brilliant introduction to the city. from £49pn and include breakfast. is full of exquisite gardens and parks, such How bazaar as Jardín Japonés where many of the three palermoviejobb.com million porteños (residents) of the city like Shoppers are spoiled for choice in San Telmo SEE: turismo.gov.ar to stroll, tucking into street food including on a Sunday, when the quaint, cobblestoned empanadas, delicious fried meat pastries. roads of this bohemian barrio spring alive for one of South With so much going on in every corner of this dizzying America’s most happening street markets. It is centred on metropolis, it’s hard to know where to start, so I decide to the 300-plus stalls that make up the antiques fair (Feria de kick off my Argentinian adventure with a little bit of help Antigüedades) in Plaza Dorrego, where hordes of tourists from the experts ... and locals pore over everything from rusty pocket watches to timeworn clogs, to vintage gramophones and perhaps Snapping up a bargain authentic fine china. When you observe something from the bottom upwards, But the action does not stop there, as this extravaganza even the most rotund pair of butt cheeks can often look spills out into a more general bazaar along the rather different. So, being fed up of normal city excursions neighbourhood’s main drag, the pedestrianised Calle that present the usual postcard-pretty, sanitised landmarks Defensa, and various other lanes. Here, I search for a bargain – think Paris’s Eiffel Tower or the pyramids in Giza – I among mounds of clothes, knick-knacks and souvenirs opt for an Urban Photo tour (foto-ruta.com). Run by two such as flattened champagne bottles, while clowns with talented snappers, Becky and Jess, my outing offers up a painted faces, old crooners with guitars and other artists more interesting angle of Buenos Aires by taking in the truly and performers create an upbeat atmosphere. In the early eclectic barrio of Villa Crespo. evening, Plaza Dorrego even hosts a milonga (a weekly But, before I begin my escapades, the two girls go dance get-together), where whoever fancies it can try out through a quick introductory session to help us improve our their tango steps until the sky fills up with stars. image capturing skills. Furnished with information about A grave imposition how to get the best out of form, silhouette, texture and the like, we set out in groups of three or four to comb the After such a lively morning, it might seem like an odd choice neighbourhood and bring back the most engrossing shots. to go sniffing around a graveyeard for kicks, but I’m here in ›› We do our best to capture Villa Crespo’s character through the 19th-century-built La Recoleta Cemetery to glimpse tntMagazine.com

TNT_1541_069 69

08/03/2013 12:54:35

the tomb of this country’s most iconic woman, Eva Perón, who was First Lady of the nation between 1946 and 1952 during her marriage to the president, Juan Domingo Perón. Over this time, this famous beauty endeared herself throughout the land by supporting the poorest citizens – though to me it’s always seemed that her penchant for wearing extravagant Christian Dior outfits, Cartier jewellery and other similar bling was more than a little contradictory. Nevertheless, such popularity is the reason her grave is in this prestigious spot in the 5.5-hectare burial ground, flanked by other notable Argentinians. At the time of day I am here, this place really is a sight to behold: sitting aside wide tree-lined walkways, huge mausoleums are smattered with angelic marble statues, elaborate bronze crypt markers and noble crosses that seem to vie for attention under a light blue sky laced with strings of cloud.

Photos: Getty,

Clockwise: the bright houses of La Boca; gaucho rodeo action; and curiosities at San Telmo’s bazaar is dotted with phone-booth-thick palm trees and, for a short time, feel as though I’m really getting a proper taste of the South American cowboy lifestyle. Later, I watch as the real gauchos take over. They entertain everybody with their skills in traditional sport carreras de sortijas (ring races). The art of this activity is to gallop on a steed and catch a wedding-sized ring that is suspended from a crossbeam. And all of the successes are greeted with shouts of “viva, viva!”

Horses for courses I am 90km out of the town centre at the splendid 1200 hectare ranch, Estancia Santa Susana (esantasusana.com.ar). Built from red brick and with white colonnades, its rustic colonial-styled Spanish mansion dates back to the 1850s and now the ranch also holds a museum, with a nearby dining room, grill and gift shop. But I’m here, naturally, for some serious gaucho action. A gang of us hop onto the waiting horses and get ready to go for a gallop, accompanied by a local guide. Of course, during this 30-minute jaunt, I am super-gentle with my fourlegged friend, as I don’t want to be thrown into a puddle or, worse still, the gargantuan piles of horse crap I pass by. I’m rewarded with a ride through a sea of green long grass that 70

TNT_1541_070 70

Bueno vista: bustling Buenos Aires in the sunshine

tntMagazine.com

08/03/2013 12:54:43

Time to tango Coming to Buenos Aires and not seeing a tango performance or actually taking some classes would be criminal. Locals here really take the dance to their hearts, because it originated in the area of the Rio de la Plata (which is between Argentina and Uruguay) in the mid-19th century. There’s an array of places to catch a glimpse of the professionals, but I choose Esquina Carlos Gardel (esquinacarlosgardel.com.ar), which is named after one of tango’s greatest performers. Inside, the walls are lined with a plethora of black and white portraits of stars that used to shake their thing to this type of ballroom music long ago. Huge, blood-red curtains pull back and two silhouettes slowly slink across the stage before their human doppelgängers arrive – they look like a bona fide Thirties gangster and his flapper companion.

“

There’s a real sense of passion in the arena

”

There’s instantly a real sense of passion in the arena, and the crowd is buzzing when the open-shirted guy, with all the poise of a matador, swings, tosses and flips his female counterpart. The accomplished, black tie-clad orchestra behind them provide the sultry Latin music. Several other couples follow them with complicated lifts, figure-eight routines and flourishes. It’s a sensational end to my trip, and as I leave the hall late that night it crosses my mind that Argentina has been my own tango NEXT WEEK partner: she embraced and then Got Seoul: seduced me, I was left in a spin by her Gangnam Style mesmerising beauty, and was finally meets the DMZ swept completely off my feet. ❚ Xav travelled courtesy of Rainbow Tours rainbowtours.co.uk and Hostel Bookers provided the accommodation hostelbookers.com

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68 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 9EP TNT_1541_075 75

5096

ABTA number W4479

14/12/2012 13:51 17:15:26 07/03/2013

a, La Tom th FFT to Pamplon “ I have travelled wi stival Rock! “ here next? - First Fe W st. rfe be to Ok d an

Egypt & Jordan

PYRAMIDS & NILE SAILING!

Packages from

£259

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fr £259

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fr £359

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fr £879

ADVENTURE TOURS

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fr £459

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fr £509

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fr £599

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fr £699

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fr £799

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fr £449

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fr £549

The ANZAC’s suffered their biggest loss of lives in Belgium and France during WW1 and our visit is a poignant experience, including the Last Post at the Menin Gate and battlefield walks. fr £219 Tours 4 days

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FFT- MARCH 2013.indd 1 TNT_1541_076 76

fr £369

ROYALASCOT

LA TOMATINA Tomato Fight

Sailing Split - 8 days

fr £149

Race days out

fr £79

Full itineraries and tour information can be found on our website or by calling our office. First Festival Travel, 68 North End Rd, London W14 9EP Closest Tube: West Kensington

07/03/2013 18:12:51

SAN FERMIN Packages from

£129

Running of the Bulls ! Join the locals for the opening day party which seems to go for days, then try you hand at being chased by bulls. You will be at Pamplona’s premier campsite for your stay with plenty of party nights and activities.

k e e w e h t f eal o

TRAVEL

PAMPLONA 6TH - 14TH JULY

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Packages from

£159

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With over £150 of club entry, a booze cruise, and accommodation, this is too good to miss! Some say the island is a great place to recover from the madness of San Fermin, and some just want to kick start the summer.

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£149

The small Spanish town of Bunol plays host to on of the worlds biggest food fights. Our tours are based in central Valencia with plenty to offer, whether it be a city bike tour, tapa tasting or just relaxing on their white sandy beaches

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ANZAC

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HAPPILY EVER AFTER: Rumpelstiltskin – you made the dinner party with your green hair and funny faces. And then you went and got all shy at the end of the night! Would love to see you again to see how the story ends. J UP THE DUFF : Boo – all of my friends are pregnant. ALL OF THEM! It is high time you impregnated me. Either get over your commitment issues and let’s make babies, or end it. But please don’t leave me hanging. I can feel my eggs dying. Curly Sue SNEAKY SECONDS : Hot Mia with the Ukranian looks – I know you’re my girlfriend’s best friend, but I so would. If you would too, let me know. I can keep a secret. Mr Mac CAFFEINE HIT : To the nice lady in the cafe on St Swithins Lane – your coffee is cheap and delicious and I promise as long as you’re open and I’m working round the corner, I will never set foot in a soulless coffee chain. Down with those multinational rip-off merchants! Helen SMELL YA LATER : Will Smith, was that really you in Brixton last week? I resisted the urge to disturb your lunch and do the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap in front of your table, but I just want you to know I can still do the whole thing and I would do it for you anytime. Looney Luke DUMPED DOWNER: Mopey, how can you be so pissed off when you were dumped by someone who a) you were going to call it off with anyway, b) you constantly whinged about, and c) weren’t really ‘with’

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