TNT Magazine / Issue 1544

WIN!

April 1-7 2013 Issue 1544 tntmagazine.com

A LUXURY TENNIS BREAK FOR TWO IN EASTBOURNE

DO BELIEVE THE HYPE We meet hot new band Palma Violets

WHAT ARE YOU EATING? Top veggie dining, not a hint of horse

SPAIN’S BEST MUSIC FEST Don’t miss 2013’s epic Bilbao BBK Live

BITE ME

E M E R T X E E TO TH

to skydives r e t a w e it h orld, from w w e h t d n u o r eeking a Best of thrills + TRY SOME SEXY-CISE ESSENTIAL EGYPT BE A FILM EXTRA HEINEKEN CUP RUGBY

ISSUE 1544 / £1.95

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14/02/2013 11:25:07

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER This week’s TNT is all about chasing big thrills, be that lobbing yourself out of a plane in Hawaii (P64), partying in the Spanish sun to some of the world’s biggest rock acts (P60), meeting movie stars and getting paid for it (P32), or slipping on stockings and getting sexy and sweaty in London (P30). Need to chill out after all that action? Get some boho balance into your life and try the Big Smoke’s best meat-free meals (P8). No really, give them a go.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY

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LONDONNEWS

6

DRINK & EATS @TNT

14

SPOTTED

17

LONDON SOUND

18

CHATROOM RUFUS SEWELL

21

LONDON SCENE

22

LONDON FOCUS

24

SPARE TIME

28

LIFESTYLE

30-35

HEALTH & BEAUTY

30

CAREERS

32

MONEY

35

NEWS & SPORT COMPETITION TRAVEL

Photos: Tom Beard; Tourism Hawaii; PolePeople

12+13

36-46 47 49-67

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FEATURES VEG IN VOGUE

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London’s best veggie eateries are so good, even meat eaters should get amongst it

SHRINKING VIOLETS?

Hardly. TNT meets Palma Violets, the south London band on everyone’s lips

DIARY

50

RAUNCHY WORKOUTS

NEWS

51

UK TRIP

52

A lesson in making getting fit more fun – it’s London’s best sexy-cise classes

LATE DEALS

54

BEST OF EGYPT

HOTSHOTS

55

TOP FIVE

56

The ultimate guide to what you can’t miss, from pyramids to temples and cruises

TIPS & STUFF

58

SHORT BREAK

60

BIG TRIP

64

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

87-89 90

64

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BILBAO BBK LIVE

30

56

60

Catch massive bands at this Spanish fest and check out Basque country Bilbao, too

FEEL THE RUSH

64

Our pick of top extreme sports around the world for a heart-in-mouth holiday

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Daisy Carrington

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Spill over: The Famous Lauren Barri Holstein

Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON spill festival of performance across london

The SPILL Festival is an international event celebrating experimental theatre, live art and performance. Started back in 2007 by artist and fest director Robert Pacitti, this year’s line-up includes stunning live productions, participatory shows, installations and the odd discussion and film, too. Our pick of the bunch is Splat! (April 3 & 4), where artist The Famous Lauren Barri Holstein (above) unleashes her new show, in which she dances round the stage with a deer head on her bonce and roller skates strapped to her feet. £various

April 3-14. Times vary Various venues across London

jimi hendrix pop-up

mouth-tomouth festival

strictly science

The first ever popup store dedicated to the greatest guitarist who ever lived, Jimi Hendrix (sorry Slash and Clapton) hits town this week in honour of the London-born mega-legend and the new album of previously unheard recordings People, Hell And Angels. There’s a Fender station, where fans can practice their licks, too.

M.Gira from rock band Swans curates this inaugural music fest where the emphasis is not so much on who’s been crashing the singles charts recently, but on full-throttle live performance irrespective of musical genre. Features Mercury Rev’s Cinematic Silent Sound Tettix Wave Ensemble, Ben Frost, Xiu Xiu and Grouper.

This new interactive exhibition celebrates 100 years of medical advancement, looking at what we once thought was the pinnacle of medical invention, knowledge and advancement. And the realisation that one day, today’s ‘cutting edge’ tech will be viewed with the same disdain.

April 1-12. Mon-Sat, 12pm-8pm 8 Ganton Street, W1F 7QP Oxford Circus

April 4. From 5pm Koko, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

FREE

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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FREE

April 4-15. 10am-6pm Imperial College London, SW7 2AZ South Kensington mrc.ac.uk

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Moving: drama When I Saw You opens the Bird’s Eye fest

Represent your country

BIRD’S EYE FILM FESTIVAL SOUTH BANK Awesome tours This week-long movie festival focusing on contemporary Arab women filmmakers has a chocka line-up of documentaries, shorts, events, panel discussions, as well as 10 Q&A sessions with directors, seven UK premieres, two London premieres and two live music premieres. The opening night gala’s centrepiece is When I Saw You, a moving story from Annemarie Jacir about an 11-year-old boy’s escape from a Palestinian refugee camp. £VARIOUS

Weekend festivals

April 3-10. Times vary Venues vary birds-eye-view.co.uk

RUBY WAX

PECKHAM PRINT STUDIO POP-UP

As part of the Barbican’s Wonder: Art And Science On The Brain season, the erstwhile US comedian, writer and broadcaster talks about her life and work, from celebrity success to her struggles with mental illness, and subsequent emergence as a neuroscientist. Expect funny, emotional and educational, as Ruby waxes lyrical.

Print and art store Peckham Print Studio takes up this week-long pop-up residency in Shoreditch’s Boxpark. There will be new work that has been commissioned especially for the week, a Pull Your Own Print event, and an exclusive evening with print-based clothing label Heresy. Get some new additions for the wardrobe.

April 8, 7.30pm EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

April 1-7. Mon-Sat, 11am-7pm E1 6GY Old Street peckhamprintstudio.com

£8+

Weekly after match socials

FREE

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LONDONNEWS

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POLICE RAID SECRET ROO BOXING RING An underground kangaroo boxing gambling network has been exposed in a Hammersmith pub.

Police raided the premises following a tip-off from a disgruntled New Zealander who had fallen foul of the secret network’s Aussie-only door policy.

A number of men – all thought to hail from Down Under – were taken into custody on suspicion of coercing marsupials to fight under duress.

A source said the roos were in good spirits after the rescue and seemed happy to no longer be tied down to the sport.

It was quite simply the sort of display that makes me want to quit humanity and move to Mars A shocked Clapham resident delivers their verdict on Sunday afternoon shenanigans at The Church

FINE FOR WEARING SKINNY JEANS

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

DISTRICT: No service between Turnham Green and Ealing Broadway all weekend.

Piccadilly line trains call additionally at Turnham Green

NORTHERN: No service between Camden Town and Charing Cross all weekend

PICCADILLY: No service between

Acton Town and Uxbridge all weekend.

Replacement buses operate between Acton Town and Rayners Lane for Metropolitan line connections. Trains also call at Turnham Green

6

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Making a good cuppa New ‘vital’ tasks added to British Citizenship Test Expats wanting to settle in the UK will have to face tough questions and activities as the new British Citizenship Test comes into force.

The questions will have more emphasis on traditional English pastimes, and will require Aussies and New Zealanders to prove they’re ready to fit into a British community and shed Down Under ways.

First up on the test will be how to make a decent cup of tea. Candidates will have just one minute to prove they know the acceptable sequence – and will see points knocked off for things such as adding milk to the cup first.

A second practical test includes slicing cucumber sandwiches and the correct way to eat a jam scone in public.

A speech therapist will be on hand to

offer advice to heavily accented Aussies and Kiwis – or to correct those using slang in their day-to-day speech. Words such as Pom, thongs, barbie, yakka, stoked and arvo will all be banned as part of the test.

Test spokesman Mike Rotch said: “The questions and activities are all incredibly important for those wanting to immerse themselves in the British way of life.

“To think you can put down roots in the UK without really knowing how to make a proper cup of tea is ludicrous. We’re only letting the best of the best through.”

Questions on the quiz, of which candidates will need to score at least 98 per cent, include: What is the Queen’s favourite colour? Why should you never smile on the Underground? And perfecting the art of talking about the weather.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Fancy yourself a bit of a beer monster? Test your credentials this week at the Bob Hawke Beer Festival, a one-off event in a to-be-disclosed west London location that challenges punters to beat the former PM’s 2.5 pints in 11 seconds beer sculling record.

Rumour has it the legend himself will be in attendance on the day, and could even beat his own record if the mood takes him. Just think of the January 2012 incident that saw Hawke scull a beer in one without hesitation at the Australia v India match at Sydney Cricket Ground. He was 82 years old at the time, so there’s plenty of life in this living legend yet.

Tickets cost £25.11 and include two free pints for sculling.

More at bobhawkeismyhomeboy.com.

Scull: can you beat Bob?

*All content on this page, aside from ‘On The Tube’, is bullshit. April Fool! Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Hipsters will be avoiding west London from now on after Westminster announced a ban on skinny jeans.

The decision followed complaints from residents that too-tight trousers seen on the area’s streets were “obscene” and “left nothing to the imagination”.

Anyone deemed to be sporting a crackbearing or genitalia-sculpting pair of pants will be fined on the spot.

Tea skills: how good are yours?

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26/03/2013 12:46:14

Girls just wanna have fun: L to R, Bonnington Cafe cooks Ana, Kamila, Valentina and Suzana make meat-free fare more interesting in south London

Best of the veg Vegetarians are in vogue thanks to the horse meat scandal. But even carnivores can love London’s best veggie eateries words LAURA CHUBB The horse meat debacle hasn’t only given rise to a slew of puntastic invention (bolog-neighs, burgers at hoof price, etc), but it’s been revealed that sales of meat alternative Quorn more than doubled in the wake of news that some UK supermarket burgers and ready meals contained an equine element.

So it appears uncertainty over meat supplies has pushed carnivores in a muchresisted direction – the dreaded meatfree meal. But that doesn’t have to mean fake sausages or tasteless tofu. Why not be inspired to try some of London’s more inventive veggie restaurants? It needn’t mean a full-time conversion, but it’s a chance to try something new.

One of the capital’s quirkier meatfree eateries is The Bonnington Cafe, which started life as a squat cafe in the Eighties. No single person runs the restaurant at the Bonnington Square Community Centre in Vauxhall – rather, a collective of cooks take turns in the kitchen each night, bringing their own twist on veggie and vegan food to the ever-changing menu. Diners must book their table directly with the chef and all courses are kept to the same low prices: 8

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just £3 for starters, £7 for mains and £3 for desserts.

Kamila Gruszecka, 33, has been with the cafe for eight years. Originally from Poland, she says she was “very fortunate” to have discovered the project just a few months after she first moved to London.

“I was doing odd jobs like cleaning houses and walking dogs,” she tells us. Then, with no professional cooking background, she started volunteering at the cafe. “It was the best training I could get,” she says, revealing that now as well as cooking at The Bonnington, she also has her own catering business.

Designing a menu for the cafe is an on-the-hoof (sorry) operation – Gruszecka says she visits food markets on a Monday to see what’s fresh, before cooking up the fruits of her foraging on Tuesday nights. This keeps the cuisine on offer varied, taking in anything from Asian to Mediterrenean to British influences.

A restaurant with a reputation for converting meat-eaters is The Gate, where brothers Adrian and Michael Daniel have built on their Indo-Iraqi Jewish background with French and

Italian influences, serving some of the most exciting food (not just veggie food) in the city since 1989. And, even better, The Gate regularly teaches cooking classes so you can learn how to make stellar veggie fare at home.

“We cover the classic dishes, such as aubergine teriyaki,” Michael says. “A lot of our customers seem intimidated by how involved the food is, so these classes demystify the recipes.”

Classes will restart once The Gate’s Hammersmith branch reopens (see box, below) and cost £60 for 3.5 hours of group tuition. To simply sample the food now, there’s another branch in Islington.

“When we started, veggie food was all about being healthy, but for us it’s more about pleasure,” Michael says.

Sounds like the veggie eatery for us.

MORE TOP VEGGIE EATERIES ›› The Bonnington Cafe. Mon-Sun, 12pm-2pm and 6.30pm-10.30pm. All mains £7.

Vauxhall 11 Vauxhall Grove, SW8 1TD bonningtoncafe.co.uk The Gate Hammersmith reopens spring 2013. Mon-Sun, 12pm-2.30pm and 6pm10.30pm. Mains from £12.50.

51 Queen Caroline Street, W6 9QL Hammersmith thegaterestaurants.com

Dream team: Adrian and Michael Daniel from The Gate

Cosy: Vauxhall’s The Bonnington Cafe has a boho bent

Bright and beautiful: The Gate’s food is a work of art tntMagazine.com

9

THE COACH & HORSES SOHO £14.95+ It seems to go against the very fibre of the British ‘pint of ale and a packet of pork scratchings’ model for the pub, but this Soho boozer is a purely vegetarian affair.

There are veggie versions of burgers and bangers ‘n’ mash, and our personal favourite, the tofush and chips. Two courses for £14.95 or three for £19.95.

Mon-Thur, 11am-11.30pm; Fri-Sat, 11am-12am; Sun, 12pm-10.30pm 29 Greek St, W1D 5DH Leicester Square coachandhorsessoho.co.uk

tibits CENTRAL LONDON A sort of veggie fast-food chain but a bit classier, this Swiss import offers up a buffet bar and pay-by-weight policy – load up your plate and get charged per 100 grams. The spring menu is all healthy, simple and seasonal fare (think leek quiche, pasta, sandwiches and various salads). Fun and filling. £2.10+

VANILLA BLACK THE CITY For a fine-dining treat, find out just how good vegetables can taste at Michelin-recommended Vanilla Black. No boiled-to-buggery green beans here – instead, dishes include the likes of brie ice cream and deep-fried pickled egg with chips and beer gravy. £18.50+

Mon-Wed, 9am-10.30pm; Thur-Sat, 9am-midnight; Sun, 11.30am-10.30pm 12-14 Heddon Street, off Regent Street, W1B 4DA Oxford Circus tibits.co.uk

Mon-Fri, 12pm-2.30pm and 6pm-10pm; Sat, 6pm-10pm. Closed Sun 17-18 Tooks Court, EC4A 1LB Chancery Lane vanillablack.co.uk

BEATROOT SOHO

RASA STOKE NEWINGTON

Ten hot dishes taking inspiration from global cuisine are offered daily (from curries and hotpots to stir fries) and at budget prices (between £4.50 and £6.80). It’s fast, unfussy and reliable.

Find veggie dishes with a kick at this Keralan restaurant, specialising in the south Indian state’s cuisine.

£4.50+

222 veggie vegan kensington If the word ‘vegetarian’ strikes fear into your carnivore-tothe-core heart, surely the only concept more terrifying is ‘vegan’. But try this trendy little spot in Kensington and you could well find yourself converted by the passionate vegan chef’s imaginative cooking. Dishes such as seitan (wheat gluten) stroganoff and pumpkin noodles with grated coconut will be quite unlike anything you’ve tried before – in a good way!

Mon-Sun, 12pm-3.30pm and 5.30pm-10.30pm 222 North End Road, W14 9NU West Kensington 222veggievegan.com

£9.95+

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£6.50+

POGO CAFE HACKNEY

Mon-Fri, 9am-9pm; Sat, 11am9pm. Closed Sun 92 Berwick Street, W1F OQD Leicester Square beatroot.org.uk

Mon-Thur, 6pm-10.45pm; Fri, 6pm-11.45pm; Sat, 12pm-3pm and 6pm-11.30pm; Sun, 12pm3pm and 6pm-10.45pm 55 Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 OAR Dalston Kingsland Stoke Newington rasarestaurants.com

FOOD FOR THOUGHT COVENT GARDEN

MANNA PRIMROSE HILL

A daily changing and uber-cheap menu that eschews health fads for carb-heavy grub has kept this eatery in business for almost 40 years. There’s a southeast Asian edge, too.

So good that plenty of non-veggies drop by to try its varied menu – from Caribbean platters to fennel sausages with parsnip and carrot mash – Manna will win you over.

This east London spot could not be more earnestly worthy, seeing as it describes itself as a “non-hierarchical, 100 per cent vegan space run completely by volunteers”.

But enough of all that ‘communidee’ idealism – what of the food? It’s fresh and delicious, and more than enough to encourage you to leave your cynicism at the door. Try one of the burgers (made from organic tofu and pumpkin seeds) or the gunky nacho bowl.

Mon-Sat, 12pm-8.30pm; Sun, 12pm-5.30pm 31 Neal Street, WC2H 9PR Covent Garden foodforthought-london.co.uk

Tue-Fri, 6.30pm-10.30pm; Sat-Sun, 12pm-3pm and 6.30pm-10.30pm 4 Erskine Road, NW3 3AJ Chalk Farm mannav.com

Wed-Sat, 12.30pm-9pm; Sun, 11am-9pm 76 Clarence Road, E5 8HB Hackney Central pogocafe.co.uk

£3.60+

£8+

£3.50+

BLAH BLAH BLAH TWICKENHAM

woodlands PICCADILLY

This gourmet veggie outfit takes pride in its innovative food, turning a boredto-death nose up at the likes of veggie lasagne in favour of creations including mushroom wellington (portobello mushrooms, walnut pâté and sauteed red onions encased in puff pastry) and aubergine schnitzel (filled with mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, parmesan and basil pesto, rolled in breadcrumbs). Drool.

Woodlands’ take on south Indian veggie cuisine – no butter, no cream – has stood it in good stead since the Eighties, and there are now three branches open in London (the others are in swish-as Marylebone and Hampstead). Their spicy blends include dosas, lentil pizzas and cost-effective thalis (where you get a range of curries for £18.50, allowing you to sample a selection of flavours). The menu is overwhelmingly long, so prepare to “umm” and “aah”. A lot.

£10.95+

Mon-Sat, 12pm-10.30pm.

Closed Sun 157 Heath Road, TW1 4BH Twickenham blahvegetarian.co.uk

£4.95+

MILDREDS SOHO Widely considered London’s coolest veggie eatery, and a bona fide foodie institution, you’ll no doubt have to queue for a table at Mildreds (you can’t book). The crowds pack in for simple but sublime meat-free fare – smoked tofu with apple and bean sausages and Sri Lankan sweet potato and cashew nut curry are mouthwatering examples. £8+

Mon-Sun, 12pm-11pm 37 Panton Street, SW1Y 4EA Piccadilly Circus woodlandsrestaurant.co.uk

Mon-Sat, 12pm-11pm. Closed Sun 45 Lexington Street, W1F 9AN Oxford Circus mildreds.co.uk

INSPIRAL LOUNGE CAMDEN

RIVERSIDE VEGETARIA KINGSTON

The Lounge offers an impressively inclusive menu – there’s wheat-free, gluten-free and cholesterol-free dishes along with vegan and more. This doesn’t mean boring, though – think the celeriac, cashew, cheese, sage and hazelnut dauphinoise. Oh yeah.

A riverside terrace and laidback vibe make this one of the more idyllic places to feel good about not munching on meat. There’s everything from Caribbean and Japanese to Indian influences on the menu, too, so you won’t be stuck for ideas.

Mon-Thur, 9am-10pm; Fri-Sat, 9am-2am; Sun, 9am-11.30pm 250 Camden High Street, NW1 8QS Camden Town inspiralled.net

Mon-Sun, 12pm-11pm 64 High Street, KT1 1HN Kingston rsveg.plus.com

Photos: BlahBlahBlah, Tibits, Mildreds, Woodlands, Vanilla Black, The Coach and Horses, thegaterestaurants.com

£5.45+

GALLERY CAFE BETHNAL GREEN £5.45+ Consider this ecoeating: as well as a vegan and veggie menu, the cafe offers Fairtrade tea and coffee, uses biodegradable packaging, and is run by volunteers.

It offers everything from a full veggie breakfast (we like the sound of the tofu scramble) to make-yourown pizzas. There are also regular art exhibits and gigs.

Mon-Fri, 8am-9pm; Sat-Sun, 9am-9pm 21 Old Ford Road, E2 9PL Bethnal Green stmargaretshouse.org.uk

SHAYONA NEASDEN The north Indian veggie dishes here are worth the trek into the wilds of north London. £5.50+

Mon-Fri, 11.30am-10pm; Sat-Sun, 11am-10pm 54-62 Meadow Garth, NW10 8HD Neasden shayonarestaurants.com

£8.95+

green note camden

Claiming to be the first vegetarianorganic-Italian restaurant in London, you can eat without meat from antipasti to pasta and through to secondi here.

Mm, bellissimo!

This being Camden, Green Note’s veggie cafe-bar doubles as a live music venue, with a focus on folk, blues and roots. Food-wise, there’s veggie tapas, while drinkwise, there’s a bunch of guest beers (and if the bar doesn’t stock your fave, you’re invited to request it and they’ll cosnider ordering it in). Vibe is decidedly boho.

Mon-Sat, 11am-11pm. Closed Sun 43 New Oxford Street, WC1A 1BH Holborn amicobio.co.uk

Sun-Thur, 7pm-11pm; Fri-Sat, 7pm-12am 106 Parkway, NW1 7AN Camden Town greennote.co.uk

amico bio HOLBORN £5.50+

£2.50+

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LONDONDRINKS

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Cocktail hour: a funky boutique hotel bar

BAR

A short stroll from London Bridge and Borough Market, as well as the Tate Modern, citizenM is our city’s branch of a group of Dutch boutique hotels on the rise in Europe and expanding in London – versions in Tower Hill, St Paul’s and Shoreditch are in the pipeline. Although there’s a slightly executive vibe thanks to an array of Apple computers for travelling guests on business towards the back of the large open-plan space, there’s a classy and relaxed feel here, without being pretentious or snobby – citizenM has the atmosphere of a cool London members’ club that’s not exclusively for posers or wannabes. The company brands itself as “affordable luxury for the people” and has proved itself popular with a range of clientele. The interior design is (though I hesitate to say it) pretty funky, with quirky art installations and colourful furniture.

THE GRUB Snacks and light meals with an international flavour, including sushi (from £5.95), sandwiches (£3.95), quiches (£3.25) and cakes (from £1.75).

THE SCENE

A bulging cocktail list with plenty of inventive concoctions that barman and mixologist Tom throws together from his visits to nearby Borough Market. Get stuck into a dark and stormy of gold rum, lime and ginger.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails are £7-£10; draught lager and cider £3.95-£4.50 a pint.

VERDICT A hotel bar with personality and casual cool that’s affordably luxurious. DT BEHIND THE BAR

20 Lavington St, SE1 ONZ

citizenm.com

COCKTAIL BARS

RUBY’S

WHISTLING SHOP

COCKTAIL CLUB

This hidden basement bar in Dalston is a treasure well worth seeking out. Down a dingy staircase under the old cinema sign at 76 Stoke Newington Road, it’s all mismatched furniture and inventive blends from £8.50.

The Worship Street Whistling Shop in Shoreditch invites you into a Victorian-era subterranean drinking den, where cocktails are mixed with out-there ingredients such as aubergine crisp.

Really. From £8.50.

The London Cocktail Club specialises in weird-sounding concoctions – think the cheese and pineapple martini or the oyster bomb (the latter is mixed with Jägermeister and Tabasco, ouch). From about £8.

rubysdalston.com

whistlingshop.com

londoncocktailclub.co.uk

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BITE SIZE taste of malaysia In light of 2013’s undying obsession with foodie pop-ups, this week we bring you a Bite Size entirely populated by these tricksy little now-you-see-itnow-you-don’t phenomenons. First up is the pop-up Malaysian menu at Soho’s Spice Market, ending this Sunday (so it’s your last chance to get amongst it!). There are 10 classic taster dishes to give you a thorough intro to the cuisine, plus a hibiscus cocktail created especially to accompany the food. Costs £48 per head. spicemarketlondon.co.uk

food science Now booking is The Lab, a threenight “flavour experience” fronted by sleb chef Gizzi Erskine at Wapping’s Tobacco Dock. Expect “interactive experiences” – masterclasses, DJ sets, food experiments, cookery demos – and food and bevvies brought to you by top chefs and a drink scientist (we shit you not). There’ll even be appearances by chefs from esteemed London eateries including Dinner by Heston Blumenthal and Duck and Waffle. Tickets are a notoverly-cheap £75 for four dishes and two drinks. On April 25-27. thelabevent.co.uk

Gee whiz: Gizzi fronts The Lab

Photos: Getty

dinner dance Another date for the diary is April 13, when Dinner Dance by the Disappearing Dining Club pops up in east London to serve up a fivecourse meal followed by tunes until 2am. We’re feeling a bit giddy about dessert already – salt caramel tart with popcorn parfait. Get in. Tickets are £55 and include a welcome drink.

Sushi in the city: find classic Japanese with a modern twist

K10 JAPANESE

If you’ve wondered what it would be like to go to a chain Japanese ‘train’ joint and feel they truly give a toss about the food, this is your place. Chic with an oriental feel, yet in no way kitschy, the focus is totally on the plate here.

Everyone has a tap for cool still or sparkling water within reach, while the staff is never more than a friendly nod away. A hit with the suits around Liverpool Street station at lunchtime, this Wednesday night is quiet at the newly opened second branch. It doesn’t take many arrivals for a friendly buzz to emerge though, making this an ideal meeting place ahead of a big night out in the Shoreditch area.

The grub No flavour-lacking pandering to the lowest common taste bud denominator here, as every plate we try is a tongue tickler. But for all the clever tweaks that make this ‘modern’ Japanese, the salmon sashimi first grabs my attention – a measure of any good sushi/Japanese joint, it’s perfectly fatty and uber fresh. Next, quaint crab and rice paper rolls have fresh white meat and avocado salsa in a happy marriage with chilli mayo. Salmon tataki – lightly seared and wrapped around garlic cress, cucumber and red chilli slivers with a ponzu (Japanese citrus) dressing – is beautifully clean on the palate. All perfect food to drink to – Japanese beers are made to go with this stuff, so don’t argue with the Asahi staring at you from the fridge. The star of the show is the special black cod, expertly marinated and pan-fried (they insist it wasn’t done in a water bath, but it’s so damn silky …) and served with a miso and ginger juice vinaigrette. Wow. We order lamb chops in the same sauce – a perfectly pink treat. Then we find room for another black cod, and a silky green tea mousse for dessert. Sat-is-fied!

THE SCENE

The manager’s passionate about sake and has hand-selected some of his faves, at £7.50-£24.50 per 300ml flask. Beers include Asahi Super Dry, London’s Camden Hells Lager and Owa, from £3.95 a bottle. White, red and sparkling wines are picked to go with the menu, from £3.75/ £14.95 a glass/ bottle.

Bill please Colour-coded dishes cost £2-£7.50 each. Eat well for £15-£20 a head. verdict Fresh, bold and classy fare on a train but with absolute care. michael gadd Behind the bar

disappearingdiningclub.co.uk K10 Broadgate, 3 Appold Street, EC2A 2AF

k10.com

Liverpool Street

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UKBA to be split up (tntmagazine.com): In my experience, applying for a settlement visa meant negotiating a bewildering assault course, with all its unfathomable and draconian rules, hidden deep in the bowels of obscure annexes. Staff have insulted, lied to, obstructed and ignored me. It was like wading through an ocean of dingy, dismal dross. For us, it was a cold, cruel, calculated and cynical system that treats decent people in a truly appalling way – and they call that offering world-class service.

Frank Carson never told one as good as that.

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Re: Aussies at Gallipoli (TNT 1543): Pity all the bogans spoil what should be a sombre event by turning up and getting rotten while wearing Wallabies jumpers, fan

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Re: Higher fares for heavy passengers proposed (tntmagazine.com): About time too. This isn’t picking on ‘large’ people as it will have to take into consideration health issues and height too. Why should we be careful with hand luggage weights for “fuel purposes” yet not question other weighty issues?

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Aussies set to flock to Gallipoli for Anzac Day (TNT 1543): I’m going to Gallipoli and will be dressed in Australian gear (see Gallipoli Slur below), but will not disgrace myself, my country or the memory of soldiers by acting like a lout. Goes the same for most others. I’m excited to proclaim I’m Australian at such a huge and significant service!

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Enduring star: Art Alexakis is basking in the afterglow of Nineties fave Everclear

festival

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latitude

everclear Islington Academy, N1 0PS Thurs, apr 4 | Doors at 7pm | £19.50

Arts and music fiesta Latitude has often been tagged as the posh fest – but it’s more than that. This Suffolk shindig brings together more than 500 acts on 15 stages covering music, comedy, theatre, film and more.

Bands include Bloc Party, Krafwerk, Foals, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Modest Mouse and Hot Chip, while Dylan Moran, Tim Key, Daniel Kitson and more bring the laughs. A load of vegan food will be found around the scenic, lake-based enclave too. Classy. latitudefestival.com Southwold, Suffolk, NR34 8AN. July 18-21.

Weekend tickets £189 Halesworth

Art Alexakis and his band Everclear were one of the biggest selling alt-rock bands of the late-Nineties and early-Noughties. They lived through the grunge explosion and came out the other side. Now they’re back in the UK in support of a new album, last year’s Invisible Stars, and marking their 20th anniversary.

Alexakis was another bleached blonde scruffy rock kid in 1992 when the band formed, as Kurt Cobain and co. tore up the musical rule book. Everclear’s landmark sophomore LP Sparkle And Fade saw Alexakis singing about his life with passion and self-biographical flair, and launched a string of hits, most notably Santa Monica. But when follow-up, So Much For The Afterglow, sold two million copies and won them a Grammy nom, the band graduated from also-rans to major players.

A two-album beast followed, Songs From An American Movie Parts 1 & 2, released four months apart in 2000. The first, Learning How To Smile, was the poporiented one. The next, Good Time For A Bad Attitude, was a harder rock affair.

The trio – bassist Craig Montoya and drummer Greg Eckland – kept it together for one more LP, 2003’s Slow Motion Daydream, before calling it quits.

Alexakis went solo before starting Everclear mark two with new members, and releasing Welcome To The Drama Club in 2006, and a couple of covers and acoustic indulgences. Marking Everclear’s 20th anniversary was Invisible Stars, and Alexakis hit the road again with fellow Nineties luminaries Sugar Ray, Gin Blossoms and Lit, all radio mainstays last century. Expect cuts from it and their Grammy-noted past.

Angel

o2academyislington.co.uk

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NEW BAND

civil twilight GIG tue, apr 9. 7pm £8

The Cape Town band found fame quickly with their radio-friendly, acoustic-and-piano-laden emo-rock, as they wound up on more US teen show soundtracks than you’d care to think of.

But they write great tunes, and have a work ethic that’s got them over here in support of their second album, Holy Weather.

Photos: Getty; LeAnn Mueller

The Borderline Orange Yard, Off Manette St, W1D 4JB Tott Crt Rd mamacolive.com/theborderline

familia

Vintage House Foundation

CLUB

CLUB

sat, apr 6. 10pm-10am £15

sat, apr 6. 9pm-3.30am £7+

Party crew Familia bring this bash, in honour of Spanish celebration Feria du Abril, with a host of top DJs and producers. Dutch techno producer Secret Cinema – aka Jeroen Verheij – plays a back-to-back set with Egbert (Van Der Gugten), Alex Under, and Bread and Butter taking over the terrace.

“I can understand why people used to cry in clubs in the early days. When you hear the right record, at the right time, in the right place, there’s no feeling like it,”says house legend CJ Mackintosh, who toplines this night of vintage and classic tunes alongside residents Dom Moir and Stuart Patterson.

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

East Village 89 Great Eastern Street, EC2A 3HX Old Street eastvillageclub.co.uk

meat loaf

notown records showcase

bo ningen

GIG

CLUB

GIG

wed, apr 10. 6.30pm £45

sat, apr 6. 11pm-6am £10+

thur, apr 4. 7.30pm FREE

Like a bat out of hell, the lumbersome operatic rock star and sometime actor (“His name was Robert Paulson...”) brings his band back to town for this Dome show, where he’ll likely do many things, but not under any circumstances will he be doing that. ‘That’ being play another show – this is his farewell bash to life on the road.

Inverted Audio and Electronic Explorations collaborate on this Notown Records label showcase with live headline sets from synth-star Luke Abbott (above) and Glaswegian electronic producer and DJ Dan Mantle, alongside Wesley Matsell (DJ), Dan Tombs (visual), Mister Sushi (DJ) and Antepop (DJ).

The Brit-based psych-rockers from Japan have been touring back in the land of the rising sun, and have added a string of UK dates, including this London show, at its end. These guys are more out-there than most of their current genre peers, but have an unmistakable Brit-rock influence, especially on latest LP Line The Wall.

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

Electrowerkz 7 Torrens Street, London, EC1V 1NQ Angel theransomnote.co.uk

Dingwalls Middle Yard, Camden Lock, NW1 8AB Camden Town dingwalls.com

valentiine The buzz so far Valentiine take the Nineties riot grrl of Veruca Salt and the sloth-like half-moan vocals of The Vines and sling a load of pop harmonies and attitude over the top.

This three-piece from Melbourne are headed out on a Euro tour to reincarnate grunge’s screaming guitars and wailed-out vocal chords, as heard on their lead-in single Love Like. Unsurprisingly, one of their Euro dates is at Belgium’s Grungeapalooza.

The Critics say “Smashed it out of the park on their scorching debut.

It’s proper, raw, gruelling femmerock” Beat Magazine the plug Love Like is out April 8 through Integrity Records. They play The Dublin Castle, Camden, Jun 18. £5 94 Parkway, NW1 7AN Camden Town valentiine.com

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Rufus Sewell

The London-born actor on his new movie, All Things To All Men, Eton cockneys and a friendly Russian bear INTERVIEW alasdair morton

All Things To All Men is a London-set crime thriller – what was it about the project that appealed?

It struck me as the sort of thing I don’t get sent.

It’s a frustration I’ve had over the last few years, in England specifically. I only ever get considered for the same thing – period or at least upper class, which is not me at all. I am a comprehensive boy.

I can go one way or the other. To have a young director ask me to play a London part is the kind of thing I’d wanted to do for years.

Was it fun making a film in London?

It felt kind of glamorous – felt like I had arrived!

What about first-time writer-director George Isaacs impressed you?

The fact that he had come to me – I took that as a mark of extremely good taste.

Did the chance to work with Gabriel Byrne catch your eye?

I got this script with the note “Gabriel Byrne is attached.” I am a fan of his and the idea of going head to head with him was great.

How was the shoot itself? There were 102 locations in seven weeks ...

We shot a lot of it guerrilla style. Walking around the London streets we’d put up a camera, use just natural light – Londoners were the extras. If anyone saw the camera we would move on. It was fun. We’d drive around, pull up in a square, jump out, do some acting.

Your character, crooked cop Parker, has some nasty traits...

He’s not the bad guy of the film, but there are no good guys either, and he has a pretty sociopathic side to him. In the same way they say the only difference between madness and genius is success, the difference between sociopathy and a business guru is success, too. I get offered a lot of bad guy roles, which can be boring because no one is just a bad guy, no one is just anything. What made it great was that Parker is a Londoner and actually a lot closer to me than a lot of the roles I play.

Do people see you a certain way?

All I know is the reason I live in the US is I got

In the right place: despite his many top period roles, Sewell is a proper Londoner pissed off with the unimaginative offers coming my way. I don’t come from a rich background.

And all the people that play cockneys [in Brit films] went to fucking Eton! I’ve done a lot of period things and that is how I’m seen. So this might be a surprise to some people, but it would be a mistake to assume it was a stretch for me.

Not you playing ‘against type’ then...

No, I refuse to accept that I have a type, despite what people tell me.

The breadth of roles and genres on your movie CV argues that very well...

I have had to not be fussy about the medium or genre or country I work in as that is the only way I can find a varied career for myself. I never had one defining success that made it easy. I always had little successes and failures, so I had to be a bit of a scavenger to find my great roles.

Do you see your role in Alex Proyas’ Dark City as one of those? It didn’t get the respect it deserved on release …

Yeah, it was a big flop and I didn’t do any films for a long time afterwards. But now the Director’s Cut has come out, which is the film it should have been. At the time it got re-chopped for speed by [film company] New Line, so it was a bit compromised by the time it came out.

The DC is a little slower and infinitely superior.

I am proud of it because it is a film I’m in that is very good, but I don’t think it was a great performance of mine, my inexperience showed.

But that is probably because of my tendency to think I am improving.

Why did you not do films again for a while? Had you been disillusioned by the process that film was subjected to?

No. If you are in a film like that and playing the lead and then it is not a hit, you don’t get offered any more roles.

You were recently in director Timur Bekmambetov’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Is he as crazed as his films would suggest?

Well, yes, but in a very nice way. He’s open and jolly and very ebullient in his creative flights of fancy. He would come up with crazy ideas that just made no sense to me. If I said, “I am sorry, Timur, that makes no sense,” he would at least try and temper it. But it was an uphill struggle making a film that way sometimes.

So not quite the Russian bear you might think from watching his films?

He is kind of a bear, but a friendly bear.

All Things To All Men is out April 5 through Cipher Films

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Give it a break: Franco’s Alien with his “bitches”

Spring Breakers FILM review by Michael Gadd Starring: James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez | 18 | 94mins | Out April 5

dark skies FILM Starring: Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton | 15 | 97mins | Out April 5

An alien invasion, Body Snatchersesque movie from the people behind the seriously badass Sinister and Insidious? Yes please. Both were scary house-invasion horrors loaded with angry spirits. Here, a regular family in suburbansville find weird, possibly interstellar, shit going on again. Could it be three from three from the folk that like scaring you stupid?

On general release April 3

22

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As a filmmaker, Harmony Korine is divisive, as will be his lavish titty-fest about bored college girls who really want to go to Florida for spring break. It’s either a sleek, astute portrayal of today’s teens or an immature pile of gibberish.

We meet Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Brit (Ashley Benson), Cotty (Korine’s sister Rachel) and religious Faith (Selena Gomez) – and their crotches – as their dorm empties for spring break. They’re not going anywhere , though, ‘cos they haven’t got the cash.

Three of them decide the way to get their party on is to rob a diner with a squirt gun and hammers. “Pretend it’s a video game,” one says. Oh, these kids are so affected by pop culture aren’t they? Cash secured, they inform Faith, who’s not totally impressed, but not miffed enough to turn down the sun and sand in Miami. Or call the cops.

So begins what’s either the most nonsensical rap music video of all time or an artist’s vision of the debauchery, booties, buff bods, tits and other great stuff that comes when Central Casting loads up a beach for a deluxe Girls Gone Wild episode.

Korine either credits his audience’s intelligence enough to not bother with details of characters or explain the plot, or there’s no plot so why bother with the characters.

Party scenes follow, lots of them, including one awfully unresolved possible rape scene, until the girls get arrested for doing drugs and are bailed out by James Franco’s gun- and drug-loving rapper Alien, who takes the girls under his wing, delivers the best or freakiest Britney Spears cover of all time and has a pool threesome that’s either titillating or makes you feel like a paedo (Hudgens is in it).

Good for: If you like music videos, unexplained violence and High School Musical nipple.

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the claudia o’doherty experience

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Left-field. Oddball. Off-kilter. All could be used to describe Aussie O’ Doherty, but she’s far more freewheeling and unpredictable than that. She’s done faux-lectures, ‘upsetting-theatre’, and this experience is a ’no-feather boas allowed’ cabaret show, with her mates and comedy compadres along for the ride. Ridiculously classy.

The Invisible Dot 2 Northdown Street, N1 9BG. Apr 5, 12, 19 & 26. £10 King’s Cross theinvisibledot.com

Highways: John Davies

Proof

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

This large-scale exhibition by photography documentarian John Davies captures the hustle and bustle – and the gridlocked patience-testing, horn-hammering nightmare, probably – of London before Ken Livingstone provoked the ire of white van men everywhere and introduced the congestion charge. Strangely fascinating.

Polly Findlay’s revival doesn’t boast the starry casting of past productions (Gwyneth Paltrow) of David Auburn’s prize-winning play, but her version is taut and absorbing. The story begins after the death of maybe genius uni professor Robert. Those in his life are keen to find out if his latter-year ramblings weren’t wasted. LK

Museum Of London 150 London Wall, EC2Y 5HN. 10am-6pm. £5 Barbican museumoflondon.org.uk

Menier Chocolate Factory SE1 1RU. Until Apr 27. £27.50+ London Bridge menierchocolatefactory.com

all things to all men

the winslow boy

FILM

THEATRE

London is as much a character in this cops and crims Big Smoke-set action thriller. The Gherkin, Battersea Power Station, landmarks abound in a film that makes London sexy. It’s a fast-paced and punchy tale from first-time writer-director George Isaacs that’s absolutely loaded with Brit acting royality, including Gabriel Byrne, Toby Stephens and Rufus Sewell (interview on P21).

Based on a real high-profile 1908 case of a young boy being expelled from the Royal Naval College for stealing a five shilling postal order. This period drama – moved to just before the First World War here – follows the cadet and his father’s quest for justice, with the help of an arrogant barrister. The themes still resonate today. LK

On general release Apr 5

The Old Vic SE1 8NB. Until May 25. £16+ oldvictheatre.com

Waterloo

joe lycett Tell us about the shows this week ... They will be about the British canal system, particularly the invention of aqueducts.

Who inspired you to pick up a mic? Engineer and pioneer of the modern British canal, James Brindley.

Where was your first show?

When I was a boy I joined my father on a shopping trip to Topps Tiles, but decided tiles were boring and broke away from his gaze to wander to a stretch of canal near West Bromwich. There, some geese were attempting to open a black plastic bag that had been thrown in the water by a tramp. I told them some jokes about James Brindley and the British Waterways, but they were distracted by their other, apparently more pressing, task. The gig went terribly. I endeavoured to prove to those geese that I am funny and they should’ve listened. The rest is history.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen? I once saw a man drown to death in a lock.

Some Lycett Hot. Soho Theatre. Apr 7. £12.50 W1D 3NE Tott Crt Rd Rhubarb Comedy. Apr 4. £8 Wheatsheaf, SW17 7PG Tooting Bec joelycett.com

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Big steps: Palma Violets have gone from tiny gigs in Lambeth to Reading madness 24

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Tall poppies South London indie-rockers Palma Violets are riding high on hype from every corner, which their debut 180 has somehow lived up to Words alasdair morton

Palma Violets are officially Britain’s “best new band”. These aren’t just our words, but those of the NME (which gave them an award with that very name), the music-buying and gig-going public who love them, and even Ronnie Wood, the Rolling Stone and bona fide rock ‘n’ roll mega-legend. It’s a tag previously bestowed upon Oasis, Arctic Monkeys and The Libertines. Quite a lot to live up to then, but as we find out when we catch up with co-frontman Alexander ‘Chilli’ Jesson on the road, it’s the furthest thing from the boys’ minds.

Chilli (vocals, bass), Sam Fryer (vocals, guitar), Pete Mayhew (keys) and Will Doyle (drums) have just wrapped yet another soundcheck when we’re passed over to their spokesman Chilli. It sounds like all manner of rock ‘n’ roll ruckus is going on in the background, so we go with something simple.

What’s it like being voted best new band in the UK? “It’s a very special thing as it’s voted for by the public,” Chilli tells us of the NME crowning. “I always followed [NME] as a kid and read it and so it is the most surreal thing [to be on the cover].” Surreal for sure, particularly when one of those covers was before the band even had an album out.

“The awards were unbelievable,” Chilli adds. “We met Ronnie Wood and got a photo with him, and he said some nice words about us. And Paul Weller, who we’re playing with soon. I’ve never really been starstruck before, because I’ve never wanted to meet any of my heroes, but then you see people like Ronnie in the flesh and they are fucking wicked guys, fucking rock legends.”

Palma Violets were born in south London’s Lambeth in 2011, making an early name for themselves with tiny shows at Studio 180. These rough and ready gigs, combined with Chilli and Fryer’s co-frontmen duelling, immediately drew comparisons with The Libertines’ Carl Barât and Pete Doherty.

Not only that, but the sound – fusing garage rock with Sixties organ touches to create a shiny sunshine vibe with a rough yet soulful Brit indie approach – set them apart from the synth sounds emanating from just about everywhere else.

As they played regular gigs at the Studio to a handful of punters – much like the Libs back in their Albion days – word spread. The gigs kept coming, the word kept building, and the hype started to form. Chilli then picks up the story.

“All these A&Rs started popping down – there must have been nothing going on at the time! All these majors were down and all that, and then Domino [Records] came down.

We liked them but they didn’t want to do anything just yet.

“Then there was Rough Trade, the label of all time for us.

Their roster and bands are our favourite bands – The Smiths, The Strokes, The Libertines. We love them and as soon as we met [label heads] Geoff Travis and Jeannette Lee that was it.”

They signed with the label all indie bands dream of joining and soon dropped their debut single Best Of Friends – it was subsequently crowned 2012’s best song by the aforementioned mag. Chilli says it was “amazing, but controversial. Not sure I would have agreed with it”.

With all of this piling on the pressure, first album 180

“

All this hype comes with all this bullshit

”

arrived in February. Hype can be a dangerous thing – how many bands have been the next this or that, released one single and never been heard of again? Were they bothered?

“All this hype comes with all this bullshit and you wonder if you can live up to it. But we felt that it [180] was ››

Rocking Lambeth: the 180 album cover tntMagazine.com

25

“New Libertines”: the Palma Violets are (L to R) Pete, Chilli, Sam and Will good enough and that people would connect with it. And it has worked to our advantage,” Chilli decides.

The album, produced by Pulp bassist Steve Mackey, was a critical and commercial success, loaded with top tunes that most agreed justified the hype and backed up the smash hit single. It also shut up the naysayers keen to cut down the tall poppy. But the Violets happily shirk being lumped in with other trends and up-and-comers out there right now. And hailing from Lambeth stands them apart from the East End chic that still permeates London’s music scene today.

“No one is from south London,” Chilli says. “I went to Wimbledon Common, I’ve always been in the south. I really, really take pride in that. Even bands from south London call themselves an ‘east London band’, which is rubbish. We have our friends like Filthy Boy and Childhood from down in the south and it feels like there is a whole movement happening down there.”

So proud are the band of their home turf that it even features on the Clash-esque cover of 180.

“It was where the record and songs were born and where everything came from,” he says. “Nobody knows this,

but we were taking it [the cover shot] with a professional photographer and Jeannette from our label was taking pictures for herself. She had one in black and white and we were like, ‘This is better than the professional ones.’ We liked that it was a friend of ours who’d taken them … it made it more special.”

We ask what life on the road for a young band is like, particularly one whose success often sees half the crowd end up on the stage at some point in the gig. Who’s the most probable troublemaker?

“That would have to be Pete,” Chilli offers, half chuckling (perhaps troublemaker was the wrong word to use). How so?

“He’s just mental, but in all the best ways. He doesn’t think that much so he tends to get himself in trouble.”

“

We take pride in being from south London

”

Mean ‘n’ moody: Chilli and Will strike a pose 26

tntMagazine.com

Palma Violets play Electric Brixton. April 9. £12.50+. Their debut Brixton palmaviolets.com album, 180, is out now. SW7 2AP

Photos: Tom Beard

What sort of trouble, we wonder, all sorts of touring hedonism going through our minds. Where is he most likely to be found? “He’s not likely to be found at all,” Chilli counters.

“And if he is found it will be in a ditch or the police station.

One or the other of those are the two points of call.” At least it makes it easy to track him down, we offer.

The Violets played the Royal Albert Hall with “fucking legend” Paul Weller last week and have their own show in their native Lambeth at Electric Brixton on April 9. Then it’s off to Europe, the States and the circuit of summer festivals, one of which gets these lads especially excited, and nostalgic.

“Reading is a real rock ‘n’ roll festival and it’s where I first met Sam,” Chilli recalls. “Yellow 7 was our camping area for like five years. And then when we played it last year, Best Of Friends had not even been released, but all the kids went mental. So fingers crossed, now the record is out, it blows up again.”

And as for that hype: “We don’t care, we just go out and play every night. It doesn’t mean a thing to us – we are here for the rock ‘n’ rollercoaster.” Get on board! ❚

TNT_1544_027 27

26/03/2013 13:03:02

SPARETIME

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Hyperdimension Neptunia: Victory

Mike Patton: The Place Beyond The Pines OST

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The Faith No More frontman scores the soundtrack for this Ryan Gosling thriller. £8.99 play.com

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Wayne Coyne and his band of mentalist musicians release their 13th studio LP. £9.99 play.com

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Like looking at the holidays you can’t afford? This tripteasing app just upped the frustration about what you could have won.

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Jack Thurston: Lost Lanes Book

Cycle routes through the lesser travelled roads and paths of southern England. £14.99

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Bobby Teale: Bringing Down The Krays Book

The truth about the capture of east London’s most infamous criminal brothers. £7.99 amazon.co.uk

iPad Table Football Gadget

Drop your iPad in the slot and grab the handles – you’ve got mini table football. £99.99 menkind.co.uk

Mental DVD

Toni Colette stars as the eccentric nanny in PJ Hogan’s comedy drama. £9.99 amazon.co.uk

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Even turn your tea break all the way up to 11. £7.95 red5.co.uk

Silver Linings Playbook DVD

Drama with Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro and Best Actress Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence. £12.99 play.com

28

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App of the Week Chord!

App

This tablature-aiding app helps you craft those soon-to-be number one singles and rock songs of the future. £2.99 itunes.app.com

Anzac Day BBQ In association association with with In

Commemorate with Elk Bar, Fulham Thursday, April 25 12noon till Late EVENT DEATILS Two Up Tournament AFL Screening Live Music DJ Entertainment Anzac biscuits and BBQ food Drink specials Prize Giveaways FREE VB ON ARRIVAL YOU PRE-REGISTER AT FREE VB ON ARRIVAL BEFORE WHEN 2PM WHEN YOU PRE-REGISTER AT

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LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

cardio tennis Though the title sounds redundant (isn’t tennis cardio anyway?), the Lawn Tennis Association’s revamped class is actually quite distinct from a plain old game. Make no mistake, it’s just as intense (dare we say more so?), but it’s a lot more fun.

The hour-long session is a mix of drills; some involve mini-games of doubles (you stop after a point is scored and do star-jumps until you’re up again), practice running across the court to reach the ball and rapid-fire serves. Often, whether the ball is in or out is immaterial, all that matters is you hit it. In this way, some of the stress of the game (which, as a novice, I can feel acutely when playing) is diminished. While we tallied points during some games, for the most part, the feeling between classmates was one of camaraderie rather than competition. Though the class can help true enthusiasts build their skills, it’s easily accessible for beginners. At the start we got heart monitors, which calculated how many calories we burned during the session. I was stunned that I burned 600 calories – I’d had so much fun, I hadn’t even noticed. Costs £8 to £10 per class. DC

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Sexy-cise time Raunchy routines will get you hot, bothered and, best of all, super buff. Try these saucy classes Words Daisy carrington

Let’s drop the guise that we work out for health reasons. Bottom line? Most of us want better bodies to pull in the hotties. These raunchy classes should augment the mood.

Pole dancing What: Ecole de Pole is one of the few dedicated pole dancing studios in London.

They have a range of six-week courses that cater to total novices and hardened pros alike. In the beginners’ class, you’ll learn some sexy exotic dance moves, plus a few basic spins and pole tricks (you’ll need the intermediate class if you want to climb higher up the pole).

Where & when: Arch 897, Holyrood St, SE1 2EL; 66 Rochester Pl, NW1 9JX. Taster courses, £8. Six-week beginners course, £110. ecoledepole.co.uk

Bedroom athletics What: GymBox tells it like it is. This brandspanking (ouch, mmm...) class is dedicated to

making sex longer, better and all together more stretchy. Strength-building exercises target the muscles used during sexy time, and there’s even a pelvic routine to help participants improve their orgasms. The class is taught by former exotic dancer Luke Baker (a hunky piece of eye candy if ever there was).

Where & when: Tuesdays, noon. 42 St Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4ES; Mondays, 6pm, Westfield Shopping Centre, W12 7GF. Membership costs £62 per month. gymbox.com

Burlesque What: Make no mistake, there is an art to the tease. No one knows this better than Gwendoline Lamour, who has performed burlesque for Naomi Campbell and Eddie Izzard. She teaches the tricks of the trade in a handful of fun courses and mini-classes.

Participants learn the essentials of burlesque, including sexy struts and chair poses.

Where & when: Taster classes are £9 (the

Various locations. You can find your nearest session by visiting the website allplaytennis.com

Racy: stockings beat sweats any day 30

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@tntmagazine

Shimmy: core-building belly dancing

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WHAT’S NEW

Jardins D’EDEN body oil All natural oils, totally luxe feel £25 jardinsdeden.co.uk

Scent Free Soft Lips SPF8 Protect your lips in the sun £4.95 greenpeople.co.uk

Pole position: it’s not slutty, it’s exercise next one is Sunday, April 21, 4.30pm). Sixweek courses are £110 (next start is Sunday, April 28, 4.30pm). The Peacock, 148 Falcon Rd, SW11 2LW; Shoreditch Dance Studio, 16 Hewett St, EC2A 3NN. polepeople.co.uk

Belly dancing What: This undulating art form can’t help but put you in a sexy mood. Dancebuzz offers a full-on six-week course that teaches students hip pops, pelvic thrusts, and a variety of seductive shimmies, but moreover, it teaches pupils muscle control (a useful bedroom tool).

Where & when: LA Fitness St Paul’s, 20 Little Britain, EC1A 7DH. Taster classes, £12;

six-week beginners course, £75. dancebuzz.co.uk

Diva dance What: What makes a diva? Attitude, of course, and the sex appeal to pull it off. City Academy helps students tap into both with their six- and eight-week diva dance courses.

Instructors draw inspiration from Beyoncé and Lady Gaga, and students learn the bootylicious choreography from their videos.

Where & when: NEXT WEEK 34-68 Colombo St, Living: Set up SE1 8DP. Courses house in a loo from £118. city-academy.com

Lanolips Triple Buttermilk Body Balm For smooth skin £13.99 boots.com

Photos: Getty; PolePeople

top treatment: tequila wax Sure, waxing anything makes you slick, smooth and sexy, but it’s about as much fun as a root canal. Fred and Ginger take the edge off by offering clients shots of Patron Tequila (they have a range to choose from) before the wax hits skin. Does it take the pain away? Well, not completely, but it does make the whole experience a little more fun and a little less torturous, which in our book means money well spent. Waxes with a shot from £8 .

Knock one back

52 Parkway, NW1 7AH

fredandgingerbeauty.co.uk

Camden Town

ManCave Natural Grooming Cruelty-free beauty for men £3.99+ mancaveinc.com tntMagazine.com

31

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Screen time: land a role in the background of a major film

Behind the scenes It may not lead to blockbuster superstardom, but signing up as an extra gives you a front row seat to film magic Words Daisy carrington You don’t have to be classically trained to land a role in a major motion picture. In fact, you don’t need any experience at all. What you do need is a strong work ethic and a willingness to dress up in silly costumes. With these tools, you can get paid to work alongside celebrities in next season’s blockbuster as an extra.

The perks Even newbies can land a role in a major motion picture. Mischa Resnick, a 26-year-old aspiring actress who was working at an events company, signed up for extras work during a lull. Her first gig was playing a pro-Thatcher protester in The Iron Lady.

“I reckon I would’ve had more fun on the other side,” jokes Resnick, whose 32

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hippy parents left the UK during the Thatcher years. “But they were picking the coal miner types for that.” Though Resnick admits extras work rarely leads to meatier roles, it is an excellent introduction into the industry.

“I wanted to learn more about the film and television industry and gain some insight into the way actors and directors approach their roles,” she explains. And she found a bonus: “The catering is generally pretty good.”

At £100 to £150 per day, and with an irregular and unpredictable work schedule, the salary is not the main draw. That said, you’ll not likely find a more interesting job.

Artem Sinelnikov, 30, has worked on a range of projects. He played a death eater in Harry Potter, and a Russian

submarine technician in BBC’s Spooks.

“I have had nearly 20 jobs in as many years, and none of them have come close to how challenging, entertaining and different extras work is,” he reckons.

Getting started “As an extra you don’t need to have any previous experience, but you must be well organised, reliable and hardworking,” notes Wayne Berko, the founder of Uni-versalExtras, an agency that specialises in matching extras with productions (they staffed all the background cast for Les Miserables, and many for X Men: First Class and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, to name a few).

Though some extras find work through listings on Gumtree or in industry publications, the easiest way

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job Ed Scothern

Career Restaurant manager Age 25 Lives Acton From Leicester

How did you get into your line of work?

I’m an outgoing bilingual with a love of food and drink. Those attributes put me in good stead.

Photos: Getty; 20th Century Fox; Studio Canal

Extra, extra: Ricky Gervais scored a hit TV show about background work

Important Potter, and other On set: get role: your even mug Harry into movies big budget productions rely Spy heavily on extras such as Tinker Tailor Soldier

to score a gig is by A stepping stone? work, no matter how signing up with an Don’t use Ricky Gervais’ character much fun it seems, agency, such as Berko’s. in Extras as a guide. For the most “it tends to be really “We work around hard work, but also part, extras work does not lead to the clock to find rewarding”. fame and glory. opportunities and “Extras work alone will very Hands off the talent successfully place the rarely lead to a career in acting,” extras on our books in says Uni-versalExtras founder When surrounded by exciting roles,” he says.

Wayne Berko. celebrities, it may be There are many parts Professional extra Artem difficult to not get a of the entertainment Sinelnikov believes that, if little giddy. However, industry in which anything, extras work could prove it’s best to keep your being attractive is a debilitating to an acting career. excitement to yourself. prerequisite, but Berko “If I wanted to be an actor I “You must not points out extras work would probably keep background approach the main isn’t one of them. work quiet, as sometimes it can be cast and start a “It all comes down looked down on by professional conversation,” says to whether your actors,” he says.

Sinelnikov, who equates ‘look’ fits what the it with stealing from production is looking the set or showing up for,” he says, “and that doesn’t mean late to filming. Of course, if one of the you have to be good looking.” main actors approaches you, it’s fine Once you land a gig, it is important to respond. Sinelnikov admits he’s met to be flexible, and up for anything. dozens of A-list actors in his line of work.

Violet Macdonald, 18, worked as “Hugh Jackman was a brilliant an extra on Snow White And The person,” he recalls. On the set of Les Huntsman, a gig that she recalls as Mis, the heartthrob had a stack of 200 both her best and worst. scratch cards, which he was handing “They dressed me up as an old out to extras. woman. I had lots of prosthetics, which “He would was really fun, but pretty horrible to give you one, NEXT WEEK have to wear for a whole working then shake The new Dubai: day,” she recalls. your hand and Find a job in Doha Being an extra, she explains, is after say ‘good all a job. And just like any other paid luck.’”

What do you do day-to-day?

A lot is involved in running a restaurant. My duties include everything from general cleaning to choosing a new barolo for the wine list.

What’s the most rewarding part of the job?

My job is one long social event. I get to meet people from all walks of life on a daily basis.

What’s the most challenging part of the job?

Making sure every customer understands the concept of the restaurants, and enjoys their meal at Mele e Pere. Communication is very important. I’ve certainly had to work on that. meleepere.co.uk

How to...

ditch your job When you’re employed, looking for a new position can be dicey.

A few precautions can ensure you don’t throw it all away:

• Don’t use the company

computer to search for new jobs.

It could bite you in the ass – you don’t know who’s looking.

• Don’t tell anyone at work

you’re searching. They’ll take you less seriously.

• Don’t post your CV on job

boards or announce on social media that you’re on the hunt. It will likely get back to your boss.

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33

tntjobs.co.uk AGENCY INC

JOB OF THE WEEK: Account Manager Location: Kingston-upon-Thames Salary: £25k

T: 020 8546 4646 www.agencyinc.co.uk Award winning integrated advertising agency working in a variety of sectors including sports & leisure, health, and the public sector.

The right candidate will be outgoing, highly organised & confident with good attention to detail, first class communication skills, strong commercial and financial management experience. Two years experience in an advertising agency environment is essential.

Jane Taylor | jane@agencyinc.co.uk

THE SHIPS PHOTOGRAPHER

JOB OF THE WEEK: Cruise Ship Photographer Location: Working on board cruise ships Salary: POA

T: 023 8001 0598 www.cruiseshipphotographer.com

Do you have a passion for photography and travel? Do you excel in customer service and enjoy working as part of a team? To find out more about a career on board as a photographer have a look on our website and apply to he@theshipsphotgrapher.com

The Ships Photographer is an independent photo concession company that works in partnership with P&O Cruises.

Michael Pickford 023 8001 0598 he@theshipsphotgrapher.com

ARBORAIL INDUSTRIES LIMITED

JOB OF THE WEEK: Controller of Site Safety Location: Surrey, London Salary: On Application

Arborail are an Arboricultural company based in Surrey.

Controller of Site Safety (COSS) with VEGETATION EXPERIENCE wanted for an arboricultural company in Surrey. Must have vegetation experience and speak good English. Please send a summary of your experience along with a copy of your relevant tickets through to arborail@yahoo.com Contact details: Steve - arborail@yahoo.com

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY

TNT Language School sponsored by

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34

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

cheap bubbly Got something to celebrate that requires bubbles? Sainsbury’s has a xxxxxxxxx half-price sale on Etienne Dumont Brut champagne.

Xxxxxxxxxxx Bottles are a reasonable £16 each until April 9.

For more details, visit sainsburys.co.uk. xxxxxxxxx Train deals Xxxxxxxxxxx National Express has a rash of advance £5 single fares (plus a £1 booking fee) available exclusively xxxxxxxxx online. There’s also a £5 each-way deal to London Xxxxxxxxxxx until April 13, though there are limited tickets, so get in quick! You must book at least three days in xxxxxxxxx advance. Find out more at nationalexpress.com.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

I take some money out and put it in my savings immediately after pay day.

That way, I’m not tempted to spend the money because I don’t have it.

Your last big blow-out?

Last Friday I joined a members-only club and spent a ridiculous amount on two drinks.

Stephen Humphreys, 25

Job Sales recruitment From Worcestershire Lives South London

Photos: Getty

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Food. I could save so much if I bought food from the grocery store and cooked it at home.

how THEY spend it!

Living the high life

two-for-one movies If you’re an EE customer, you can get two for the price of one cinema tickets at Vue on Wednesdays.

All you have to do is text CINEMA to 60005. You’ll get a code, which will score you the cheap flick.

Texts cost 35p.

Free beverage Sign up for a myWaitrose loyalty card and get a free tea or coffee every day (at any branch of the supermarket that serves hot drinks). Sign up for the card at waitrose.co.uk or fill in a form in store.

How do you budget?

I have a spreadsheet with all my earnings and subtract my expenses. I’m not good at keeping the left-overs.

Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler admitted to spending £5m-£6m on cocaine in his wilder years. In an interview on Oz TV’s 60 Minutes, he said he “snorted half of Peru”.

❚ Oasis rocker Noel Gallagher told an Italian newspaper that he had spent roughly £1m on drugs over the years. He said he stopped in 1998, after coming to the realisation “it is bad for your health”. ❚ According to one of his

Tyler: ‘I snorted half of Peru’

buddies, at the peak of his addiction, Charlie Sheen was ordering a £1300-perday delivery of cocaine to his home.

❚ DJ and Red Dwarf star Craig Charles admitted to The Guardian that while starring in Coronation Street, he dropped £250,000 on crack. ❚ In his tell-all memoir, Flavor Flav: The Icon The Memoir, Public Enemy’s Flavor Flav admitted to spending £1700-a-day on drugs for six years. For those with hazy maths skills, that totals more than £3.7m.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

35

WORLDVIEW

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Feeling stuffed: taxidermy animals went on sale at an auction in Sydney last Thursday. The collection included fossils and natural history paraphernalia, and the tiger alone sold for nearly £4000

Memorial mould: Anzac cutter

taking the biscuit! artist’s anzac tomb new zealand

An artist is building a tomb of Anzac biscuits depicting WWI soldiers from Australia, New Zealand, France and Germany to be exhibited in Europe.

Kingsley Baird of Wellington, said the “mass grave” of troops and the ephemeral nature of the memorial would express the waste of war. Some 18,000 Anzac biscuits, named for the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, will be used for the tomb, which will be on display for three weeks at the Museum of the Great War in Peronne, France, near the Somme battlefields.

It will then go on display in Europe.

“The difference in this work in Germany is that visitors to the museum will be invited to eat the memorial,” Baird said. tweets of the week @murrayfortescue26 Aussies travelling to Dubai are advised – wear respectful clothing, avoid drunkenness and use of foul language. ie don’t be Australian @joshmeatsix Sometimes I watch Jeremy Kyle and think ‘oh good, there’s where my tax money went’.

woman reunited with lost camera united states

A Georgia woman has been reunited with her device and photos after the camera she lost during a 2007 trip to Hawaii washed ashore in Taiwan.

Lindsay Scallan was on a scuba diving trip when she lost the camera during a night dive. However, this week Scallen told how she received a Facebook message from a high school friend saying his wife found an 36

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article on a Hawaiian TV station’s website about a lost camera. A China Airlines employee had found the camera and all the images were still on the memory card.

The airline has offered to pay for Scallan to travel to Taiwan to retrieve her camera and meet the man who found it.

ewe beauty! lambs munch 1000s of eggs

united kingdom

Two lambs caused mayhem at a tourist attraction after scoffing their way through thousands of chocolate Easter eggs.

A ewe and the two lambs were found in the egg store at

Wookey Hole Caves in Somerset where staff believe they went to try to escape the cold weather.

“We think it was a bit warmer in there or maybe the smell of the chocolate attracted them,” general manager Daniel Medley said. “It was pretty clear from the chocolate stuck to their wool who was responsible. There were pallets with 250,000 eggs on them and we believe a few thousand will have to be destroyed.”

However, they will be punished.

“They are so cute that we couldn’t be too angry with them. We may get them to stand in the naughty corner over the weekend,” he added.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 45

Price, in pounds, charged by ‘professional sobbers’ hired to attend strangers’ funerals and pretend to mourn

Number of sick days the average British worker has in their working life, according to a survey of 2000 staff

Buy or get out: the shop sign

4.31

JUST LOOKING? THAT’LL BE 5 BUCKS

125

Cost, in millions, of a Manhattan apartment a Chinese mum bought for her two-year-old for when she goes to college

AUSTRALIA

The owner of a speciality grocery store in Brisbane is charging customers AU$5 to browse if they leave empty handed.

Georgina, who didn’t want to reveal her last name, took the drastic step after spending hours every week giving advice about gluten-free products to people who leave without buying a thing.

A poster is now displayed in the Celiac Supplies store warning shoppers of the fee. Georgina said: “I’ve had a gut full of working and not getting paid.

“I can tell straight away who are the rat bags who are going to come in here and pick my brain and disappear.”

As if eating gluten-free food wasn’t bad enough.

A BIRD? A PLANE? OR JUST LIGHTS IN SKY...

Photos: Getty; AAP; Thinkstock

NEW ZEALAND

Residents living along the West Coast have reported seeing strange lights in the sky at night.

The UFOs have been reported to newspapers as well as photos posted on Facebook as locals in Greymouth get all excited about the apparent discoveries.

Russell Adams was cutting his grass when he saw the lights in the direction of the aerodrome. He grabbed his wife, and his camera to capture them. Since then another sighting has been reported.

Lottery jackpot, in pounds, shopkeeper Imran Pervais allegedly tried to claim, telling the real winner he’d bagged £10

Mysterious: a light in the sky In each instance Greymouth Aero Club said there were no aircraft flying at the time.

Adams’ wife Linda said it was different from satellites and shooting stars, changing colour, and apparently hovering. “I was not frightened, it was ‘wow’.” Totally.

LATE-NIGHT TAKEAWAY? YOU MUST BE BARKING UNITED KINGDOM Like indulging in post-drink takeaways? Then you could be chowing down on dog or cat.

Following on from the horse meat scandal, scientists carried out tests on food served at late-night venues in London.

One lamb curry was found to contain no lamb, chicken, beef, horse or goat, the BBC documentary Horsemeat Banquet found. Other tests found ‘beef’ in a black bean sauce dish contained almost entirely chicken blood and some chicken material.

Putting you off meat? Check out our veggie restaurant guide on P10.

80,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK It’s definitely not a normal relationship Actress Isla Fisher confirms what we already suspected about life with her husband Sacha Baron Cohen

They call it the daily grind for a reason, but don’t let office tedium get you down, check out TNT online for the best bizarre headlines and awesome features every day.

Do your co-workers a favour and log on to tntmagazine.com

T N T F O E S O DAILY D com this week

om TNTmagazine. e of the headlines fr

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Dubai: have an exotic holiday, but know the rules

New air route through Dubai is ‘unsafe’ for Aussies

Photo: Getty

Only if you’ve not been arsed to understand the law – it’s your lookout Cracking open a stubbie on the street; having sex on the beach; sunbathing with your bits out. All are acts that could land you in jail in Dubai, which is set to see an influx of Aussie visitors now that Qantas has taken the decision to route all of its Europe-bound flights through the desert state, which is part of the UAE, a Muslim country (see P51).

The news has upset non-profit group Detained in Dubai, which helps people who get into legal strife in the UAE, and the organisation is calling on Qantas to raise awareness. Radha Stirling, the group’s founder, said she had “serious concerns” for Aussie travellers’ safety, adding there are “numerous dangers to westerners staying in or transiting through Dubai”.

Numerous dangers to westerners? The only danger to westerners in Dubai is themselves, love. Let’s forget for a moment the illogical outrage from western newspapers when stories surface around what you can and can’t do in Dubai – because it’d also be illegal to crack open a stubbie on the streets of New York; you’d be arrested if you got caught shagging on a beach in England, too; and I welcome any measures that prohibit pasty tourists getting their tits out around the pool – but instead take the issue at its simplest.

When anyone (not just Aussies) travels abroad, they are visiting a different land with different laws. And it’s their responsibility to know what those laws are. Why the hell should an airline give a toss about whether you’ve done your research or not? Should they check you’ve packed enough sun cream and gone to the toilet before take-off, too? Preposterous.

Ultimately, there’s a sickening sense of entitlement in this idea that westerners could “inadvertently” find themselves behind bars. Because it can only be inadvertent if you’ve not bothered to look into it. Whingeing that you didn’t know something was illegal isn’t going to cut it in court – because your ignorance is your own damn fault.

So here’s an idea: check out the dos and don’ts before pitching up. Don’t like them? You don’t have to. And you don’t have to go to Dubai, either. » Agree or disagree? Should Qantas be raising awareness about Dubai law? letters@tntmagazine.com

LONDONERS ARE MISERABLE: FACT A study of 40,000 homeowners has found that nine out of 10 of the UK’s unhappiest neighbourhoods are in London. Yep, that’s right, we city slickers are living a life of metropolitan misery, while people in the provinces are walking on air (the happiest town in the country is the quaint Yorkshire spa town of Harrogate, apparently).

Look, sorry to ruin this image of all Londoners as glum-as-they-come, unrelentingly knackered sub-humans worthy of little but pity, but I like living

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London, you can keep me aroused

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here. Sure, it’s dirty, loud and there’s fuckloads of people, but damn, doesn’t it make you feel alive?

Personally, I couldn’t live anywhere else in England. Spend more than a couple of nights outside of London and I wind up thoroughly bored. Squished on the Tube but stimulated or out of the rat race with little to do with your leisure but sit on the sofa? London, you can keep me aroused.

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Troubled agency Home Secretary announces UKBA to be scrapped. What will it mean for TNT readers? We find out WORDS CAROL DRIVER

The extent of how shambolic UKBA really is was revealed last week. On Tuesday, home secretary Theresa May told the Commons the beleaguered agency will be disbanded, split into two separate organsations. One will handle visas and immigration, the other will be a separate law enforcement arm. It was a shock announcement – coming just a day after the Home Affairs Committee published a damning report about the Border Agency, warning it would take the controversial office 24 years to clear the backlog of asylum and immigration cases. Four new backlogs had come to light in the past three months, including 59,000 in-country visa applications, taking the total number to 313,000 – equivalent to a population the size of Iceland. The report also criticised UKBA for its failure to meet its own targets for in-country immigration processing, and for its shoddy customer service.

The committee concluded it was “inexcusable that so many people are not having their cases processed on time”.

It added: “People are paying a high cost to obtain their visas, and more for the premium services. The agency needs to consider these people more as customers, and fulfill its responsibilities in the timescale it has promised.”

The report comes a month after TNT launched its UKBA Balls-Up campaign, demanding improvements to visa processing services. Over the past four weeks, we’ve highlighted horror stories of misinformation and horrendous waiting times. This is something the report echoed. It revealed UKBA is failing its targets to process 90 per cent of Tier 1, 2 and 5 and 85 per cent of in-country postal applicants within four weeks. Only 18 per cent of Tier 1 and 14 per cent of Tier 4 applications were processed on time between July and September 2012. And just 79 per cent of Tier 2 and 71 per cent of Tier 5 applications were processed on time during the same period.

In total, 28,558 visa applications were not processed within target, more than double that of the previous 40

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quarter. And the report found for Tier 2 applications, more postal applications were processed on target than expensive premium service appointments – which cost £306 extra.

Keith Vaz, chairman of the Home Affairs Committee, said in the report: “It appears more like a Whitehall farce than a government agency operating in the 21st century.”

The following day, in an unexpected statement, Theresa May announced the demise of UKBA to the Commons, saying the agency had been troubled for “so many years” and its performance was “still not good enough”.

She added: “The agency struggles with the volume of its casework, which has led to historical backlogs running into the hundreds of thousands. In truth, the agency was not set up to absorb the level of mass immigration that we saw under the last government.”

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It appears more like a farce than a gov office

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The changes are due to begin on Monday of this week.

However, May has come under fire for what some have called a knee-jerk reaction to the highly critical committee report. Although government officials have reassured that these plans have been going on privately for months.

May also hit out at the “secretive and defensive culture” at the UKBA, which led to a catalogue of inefficiencies.

But, rather than a shake-up internally, TNT has learned it will be the same staff “doing the same job in the same place with the same colleagues for the same boss”, after an internal memo by new Home Office permanent secretary Mark Sedwill was leaked. The dismantling of the agency

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Shambles: (clockwise from left) Theresa May; David Cameron with Border Agency staff; the agency that’s being disbanded

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This week it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. However, our demands still stand for the new entity – the name of which has not yet been changed from UKBA. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that:

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline To add your support, follow the link to the government epetition from tntmagazine.com/ukba

Have you suffered at the hands of the UKBA? We want to hear your story, email carol.driver@tntmultimedia.com

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will also not receive any additional funding, but will have to restructure out of its existing budget.

One of the main differences to the home secretary’s proposals and the current set-up is that the entity loses its government agency status, and two directors will be appointed who will report to ministers at the Home Office.

Interestingly, all senior staff will be keeping their highsalaried jobs – including the £175k-salaried chief executive Rob Whiteman, even though his role no longer exists.

Instead, it has been revealed he will be overseeing the transition before taking up other duties at the new office.

We put the news to our Facebook followers, asking whether they thought splitting UKBA was a good idea.

Matt Craig posted: “So how does changing the organisational structure help clear the backlog? If the changes to the structure are to be made within existing budget constraints, then surely that means less money spent on the resources needed to clear the backlog.”

Kiwis In London’s Clint Heine said: “It’s a good idea if it doesn’t turn into another monster of a bureaucracy.

However, the lives of so many Kiwis, many who had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to enjoy life in the UK, have been ruined. I look forward to any positive changes that allow law-abiding Commonwealth citizens an easier route to the UK for work and tourism.”

So what does this mean for TNT’s petition? No decision has yet been made to rename UKBA. It’s going to be the same staff, the same bosses – the same people dealing with your applications. That means our demands remain the same.

We’ll be keeping the pressure on, and we need your support.

Our government e-petition has been approved – visit tntmagazine.com/ukba. There’s still work to be done.

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SPORTNEWS

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Not safe: Shane Watson

watto’s ashes place is not guaranteed cricket

Shane Watson may have been dumped for a game in homework-gate yet is so valuable he returned as captain, but Australian chief selector John Inverarity won’t guarantee his place in the side. ‘’We’re concerned about his performances,” Inverarity told the SMH. He also admitted other options were explored before he was picked to replace injured Michael Clarke as skipper, despite the week before hinting at the idea of quitting international cricket. When asked specifically about Watson’s place in the Ashes, Inverarity said: “We’ll have discussions later this week and through April, and every player will be discussed.”

vuna back in force after beale fight rugby union

Western Force face a Cooper Vuna with plenty to prove as he returns from a one-match ban for a fight with Rebels teammate Kurley Beale.

Melbourne’s Vuna was sent home after the incident, which was just hours after his side’s 64-7 thrashing to the Sharks in Durban, South Africa, and missed the weekend’s Cheetahs game.

The club decided this was sufficient, along with a social media ban, after he called Beale a “bloody grub” on Twitter.

He said in a statement: ‘’During my time with the Melbourne Rebels I have turned my life around. The outcome of this incident in Durban is not consistent with the values of my family, my church and my football club.”

He came to blows with Beale after the team went to a bar. Beale was reportedly told by Gareth Delve to put a shirt on, but 42

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Your eyes aren’t deceiving you, and no, we haven’t put this picture on the wrong way around, this is totally normal for the likes of US skier Geoff Straight, who came ninth in last week’s halfpipe event at the Snowboard and FreeStyle World Cup Super finals at Sierra Nevada ski resort near Granada. The winner was Canada’s Mike Riddle

refused. A fight started and Vuna stepped in. Beale has been fined and stood down.

cahill backs osieck after oman blunder football

Under pressure Socceroos coach Holger Osieck got the backing of players after last week’ shock 2-2 draw with Oman.

Tim Cahill, who scored Australia’s first goal before Brett Holman snatched the equaliser and saved the game, said the team should take responsibility for the match.

“The boss couldn’t have prepared us any more,” Cahill said. “We didn’t produce. Tactically … we knew everything about them and what and how it was going to happen. We need to take more responsibility as a team.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Until the final whistle in the FA Cup final against a Manchester giant or Chelsea, should they make it past Millwall next weekend, there’s every chance Wigan Athletic could win silverware and get demoted in the same year.

So with that in the back of their minds, they play one of the most important games of their year on Sunday in London against QPR, one of the two teams below them on the Premier League ladder. Expect youngster Callum McManaman (right) to get plenty of stick after his shocker of a tackle against Newcastle went unpunished by the FA.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I didn’t think I could go into The Masters under the radar. Now I can go in a bit underneath Tiger [Woods] so, in a way, it’s not a bad thing Not the first to say it, Rory McIlroy was talking about Woods taking his number one ranking ahead of the April 11 Major

Messi: this is the sight PSG don’t want to see

PREVIEW BARCA FACE PSG IN PARIS FORTRESS PARIS ST GERMAIN V BARCELONA TUE, 7.30PM, ITV1

Barcelona, when on song, are the best in the world. PSG’s claim to fame?

They’re among the most ambitious.

As tantalising as any of the Champions League quarter finals is this one between David Beckham’s new mates and Lionel Messi’s formidable four-time winners.

The Catalan side overcame a two-goal deficit against AC Milan like it was nothing (it hadn’t been done before) with a 4-0 win at home. Those last two words are

key here, as the finalists in the last five Champions Leagues have been ordinary out of Camp Nou this campaign, losing away to the Italians in the round of 16 and Celtic.

They’ll feel a little at home in this first leg as three PSG stars – Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Thiago Motta and Maxwell – once played in the red and blue. But PSG have a bit of an advantage. They’re playing their second CL quarter ever, but are unbeaten at Parc des Princes in Euro competitions for more than six years. Their only game at this level was against Barcelona. And they won. If they snag a lead then anything can happen.

THE CHAT | Who is Fawad Ahmed?

If, as a result of our performances, we are second in our group, we will worry about the team we have to face in the play-offs The master of managing expectations, Roy Hodgson, after England complicated World Cup qualifying with a draw

I’m looking forward to getting the footy buzz back again Returning Canterbury Bulldog Ben Barba, out of rehab and ready for rugby league to be his buzz instead of booze

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL With nothing good to say about the Aussie Q Test team after their Indian drubbing, why’s everyone talking about spinner Fawad Ahmed?

He doesn’t have an Australian passport yet, and without A one wouldn’t be able to play for his adopted country until the fifth Test in England, but chief selector John Inverarity and co like the look of this 31-year-old Pakistani refugee. He played for the Melbourne Rebels Big Bash side as soon as his permanent residency was approved (after politicians intervened) and then Victoria, and impressed in the Sheffield Shield. This followed him being used in the nets during the Aussie summer to prepare batsmen for South Africa’s Imran Tahir – the practice worked a treat, as the Protea’s leggie got belted for 0-260 and dropped.

Chelsea v Manchester United FA quarter final replay Mon, 12.30pm, ITV1

RUGBY LEAGUE Leeds v Warrington Rhinos and Wolves in the Super League Sun, 6.45pm, Sky Sports 2

RUGBY UNION Contender: Ahmed

Hurricanes v Waratahs Trans-Tasman Super Rugby action Sat, 7.30am, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Euroclash TNT previews the meetings of Europe’s top eight rugby sides ahead of this week’s Heineken Cup quarters WORDS MICHAEL GADD

For any rugby fan, the smorgasboard of talent on show this weekend as the Heineken Cup quarter finals kick off is impressive. When a former tournament winner and threetime British and Irish Lions tourist calls it “the weekend of the year I most look forward to”, you need to clear your schedule and plant yourself in front of a TV with Sky – better still, snaffle tickets to the two matches in London.

Local clubs Saracens and Harlequins are two of the form sides in the competition so far, having earned home quarters by comfortably topping their respective pools. But as says Ieuan Evans, Wales legend and Cup winner in 1998 when his Bath side beat France’s Brive in a 19-18 thriller, every one match from here on is a clash of titans.

“You don’t get to this stage in the competition without having great depth and talent in your team,” says Evans, one of Sky Sports’ expert analysts. “These are eight quality sides, and every one of them deserves to be there.”

Saracens (England) v Ulster (Ireland) Hardly stretched, north London-based Sarries thrived in the absence of their top internationals during the Six Nations, and were on fire last week when they beat Harlequins to cement their lead at the top of the Aviva Premiership. It shows Evans they’re ready for success at this level.

“Reintegrating international players into the club structures is a key factor, and Saracens have handled that better than anyone,” Evans says. “They’ve spent a lot [of money] and that’s borne fruit. They have great depth and are playing some terrific stuff. Impressively, it’s the young players that are driving it.”

Last year’s losing finalists, Belfast-based Ulster, won 13 straight games in all comps last year until their first loss to Northampton in the pools of the Cup. No longer top of the RaboDirect PRO12 standings, they’ve won just twice in 2013.

“Ulster have been hit with injuries, but with a full deck of cards they’re another formidable side,” Evans says. “They lost 44

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their way at the back end but the return of Jared Payne and Johann Muller will be significant.”

WHEN: Saturday, April 6 KICK-OFF: 6.30pm WHERE: Twickenham Stadium REF: Romain Poite (France)

Clermont (France) v Montpellier (France) Clermont dominated a tough pool, which included last year’s champions Leinster, to go through undefeated.

For Evans, this is one of the toughest road trips in rugby.

“They have a staggering home record,” he says. “But Montpellier were wonderful in the closing group stages.”

Tragedy struck the visitors in January when coach Eric Bechu lost a long battle with cancer.

“They seem to have been inspired by that though, but they go into this huge underdogs,” Evans adds. “Clermont are easily one of the most impressive teams. They have the best squad, so much money, and they’ve used it well.”

The cosmopolitan French side’s key players include Wales’s Lee Byrne, Kiwi Sitiveni Sivivatu and Aussie Brock James. “For me [Clermont] are the competition favourites,” Evans proclaims.

WHEN: Saturday, April 6 KICK-OFF: 4.40pm WHERE: Stade Marcel Michelin REF: Wayne Barnes (England)

Harlequins (England) v Munster (Ireland) Southern Ireland’s Red Army has dominated this match-up in the past, with five wins from their six Cup meetings. But they’ll come to the Stoop as underdogs against Quins, who were one of two undefeated teams in the group stage.

“Quins play a particular brand of rugby, quite different to England, which makes it harder for their internationals to integrate back in,” Evans explains. “They rely on their pace and accuracy and won’t change that philosophy.”

For Munster, it’s simple. “They have to try and stop them, their momentum and fluidity, led by the eight, nine and 10 access with Danny Care, Nick Evans and Nick Easter.

Imposing: Kiwi Sivivatu is just one of Clermont’s star imports

Big red: O’Connell’s return is huge for Munster

“They’ll have to stop Quins’ off-loading game like Saracens did. If Quins get going, they’re an irresistible force.

“Munster have been playing a more open game, very unlike a traditional Munster side, by keeping the ball in hand more, and they’ve struggled with it.”

Big news for Munster is the return of Irish man mountain Paul O’Connell to match up with Quins’ Welshman Olly Kohn.

“He’s their spiritual leader, a Lions captain, inspirational on the field. He’s so important to them,” Evans says.

WHEN: Sunday, April 7 KICK-OFF: 4.40pm WHERE: Twickenham Stoop REF: Jérôme Garcès (France)

Toulon (France) v Leicester (England)

Photo: Getty

Ambition makes money-bags Toulon dangerous – with stars such as Jonny Wilkinson and Matt Giteau, they’ve just added Aussie Rocky Elsom to their already impressive back row.

Former Reds and Wallabies flanker Elsom’s last stint in Europe was at Leinster in 2008-09 and he was a key figure in the Dublin club’s first Heineken Cup victory.

“It’s been 20 years since Toulon won something,” Evans says of the Top 14 leaders, whose last silverware was the French title in 1992. “The pressure will be building on them and will grow as the competition goes on. They impressed in the group stages but the knockouts are a different prospect.”

The Tigers scraped in ahead of Toulouse to top their pool, but still missed out on a home knockout match on points.

Their forwards will be key to their chances here.

“The club’s been there and won it before,” Evans says.

“The thing you have to do against these quality French sides is match up in the forwards. The Tigers can do that.”

WHEN: Sunday, April 7 KICK-OFF: 5.30pm WHERE: Stade Félix Mayol REF: George Clancy (Ireland) All Heineken Cup and Amlin Challenge Cup quarter finals are scheduled to air on Sky Sports skysports.com.au

Quality: Aussie Matt Giteau leads a who’s who of world rugby for Toulon

Pest: Wasps captain Hugo Southwell

silverware to play for challenge cup quarters Just as the Champions League has the Europa League second-tier competition, Heineken Cup has the Amlin Challenge Cup, which is also in its quarters this week.

The quirk in this tournament is that it’s open to clubs in all European rugby-playing countries, although only English, French and Irish clubs remain at this stage.

One enticing clash in the knockout round is London Wasps, who were scratchy but went through the group stage undefeated, and last year’s Heineken Cup winners Leinster. They play Friday, 8pm, at Adams Park, High Wycombe, just outside London.

In the other games, Gloucester host south-west France’s Biarritz (last year’s winners) on Thursday at 8pm. More representatives from the south of France, Perpignan and Toulouse, will clash on Friday at 8pm.

In the final match, rampant Bath, who won all six pool games, host Stade Francais on Saturday at 1pm.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Sulk: Webber (left) was miffed, while Vettel (right) was “sorry”

We want you to be fierce and selfish, but a team too Vettel ignores F1 driver double standard to bypass Webber

» Agree or disagree? Should Vettel have stayed in second? letters@tntmagazine.com 46

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Before the England winter (Aussie summer) there was the prospect of 10 Ashes Tests being fought between the world’s number one and two nations.

Mathematically, had Australia beaten South Africa they could have leap-frogged to number one, with England going to two with any positive result in India. Despite going on to beat Sri Lanka, Australia ultimately lost the deciding game in Perth against the Saffas. An opportunity lost.

England delivered with a historic series win on the subcontinent. But last week, they were saved only by Matt Prior and Monty Panesar keeping their wickets in tact

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England frail but Aussies hit bottom

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to prevent their side from losing a Test series in New Zealand (they’re ranked eighth) – a 10th Kiwi wicket would have made them third. This was little comfort for the Aussies, flogged 4-0 in India – fourth in the world is rock bottom. But it showed frailty in England. Now there’s a bit of time – is it enough for Michael Clarke to be fit?

Photo: Getty

Aussie Mark Webber was well within his rights to be outraged at Sebastian Vettel, his Red Bull teammate, for ignoring their boss’s orders and snatching the Malaysian Grand Prix from him. On the other hand, to expect a fiercely competitive racer like Vettel to take second when first is an option is a laugh.

Formula One is a kooky beast. On one hand a team expects its drivers to risk life and limb, and push every boundary our L-plate instructors advise us against. On the other, they want to win the constructors’ (team) championship. So if you have place one and two wrapped up, and the guy in second is leading the world championship, and the guy in first deserved to be there, no point in risking two cars that form a large part of the company’s annual F1 investment, a small fraction of which goes to drivers, of about £460m? Right?

I guess, but there’s very good reason Vettel’s going for his fourth consecutive drivers’ championship – he likes winning and probably hates losing more. And for him, losing is second. It’s a rough rub for Webber, well-respected and talented, but not in Vettel’s league. If (or when, barring major injury) he wins it this year, that’s four in a row. He’d join Juan Manuel Fangio (1954-57) in the record books. One more and he equals Michael Schumacher’s best run (2000-04). Vettel, just 25, has every chance to re-write the record books. And even though Red Bull are bankrolling this history boy, you have to wonder what right they have to pull the reins on him doing what he does best – winning.

The only thing Vettel did wrong in the whole saga, not a new one for the sport, was say he didn’t realise he’d been ordered to coast behind Webber and take the one-two, in that order. That’s just plain silly. He apologised afterwards, but that’s worth nix when 25 points has been awarded. Webber came out of it as the vexed one, but he knows the score. In third after two races, he’ll likely be part of the champion team for the fourth year running. But he and Vettel aren’t really ‘a team’, they just have the same colour stickers.

AUSSIES TAKE COLD COMFORT IN NZ SLIP

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HOW TO ENTER

Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

A TENNIS BREAK FOR TWO IN EASTBOURNE The Aegon International is back for another exciting tennis tournament in Eastbourne this year from June 15-22, bringing many of the world’s top male and female players to the sunshine coast the week before Wimbledon.

To celebrate, we’re offering a luxurious tennis package for you and a friend. The prize includes centre court tennis tickets, a Babolat goodie bag and a two-night stay at The Best Western York House Hotel, where the winner can enjoy a seaview room with a stunning modern four-poster bed or twin beds, along with breakfast in the

morning. The hotel overlooks the sea, with the beach just metres away.

The package is to stay at The Best Western York House Hotel on June 20 and 21, with tennis tickets on June 20.

Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions aegoninternational.co.uk/tickets bw-yorkhouse.co.uk visiteastbourne.com

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PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1539: MEDSAILORS TOUR: Lisa Holland

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FOR MORE INFO AND TO BOOK YOUR PLACE SEE tntmagazine.com/school Places are limited – only 15 per course. Book early to avoid disappointment!

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26/03/2013 12:46:23

TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

YELLOW FEVER Hindus celebrate the Holi festival in Guwahati, eastern India, by covering each other in colourful powders.

Photos: Getty, TNT

INSIDE

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The Lake District’s gorgeous hills are a picture perfect place to learn about landscape photography.

The Basque Country’s Bilbao is a seductive mix of the new, the traditional, and the fullon rock ‘n’ roll.

Up for a challenge? Try out one of these mad, bad and dangerous sports that will give you an unforgettable adrenaline surge.

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TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

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Legendary: Robert De Niro helped found the Tribeca Film Festival

SUNBATHING SHAME FOR BRITS Aussies and Kiwis: if you were running out of reasons to mock the pasty Poms, here’s another one for you.

According to a study by drinks firm Pimm’s to mark the official start of British Summer Time this week – no, wait for it, ‘British Summer’ isn’t the joke – apparently one in three Brits will start sunbathing when the mercury hits a less-than-sizzling 16ºC.That, just to put it into context, is a ridiculous four degrees cooler than room temperature.

A further third said that even when the weather is cloudy and overcast, they’ll stay outside to get a tan anyway. I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the thought of all those bare British limbs, grey, mottled and goosepimpled with cold, or the heartbreaking lengths we’ll go to just to pretend to ourselves that we’re enjoying some lovely hot weather.

I laughed out loud when I read those stats, but wasn’t surprised.

I think the problem is that Brits equate bright light with warmth.

Forgive us, we don’t get much of either so we’re easily confused.

Case in point, last summer I was cycling through Clapham Common on a pretty chilly day. But it was beautiful and bright, so for most of Clapham it seemed, that was reason enough for everyone to act like it was 30ºC. Shirtless guys were drinking six-packs and kicking footballs between piles of their discarded clothes. Bikini-clad girls were sprawling on blankets.

Mums were frantically coating their shivering babies in Factor 50 sunblock. It was mad, but was everyone having a good time? You betcha. At least we know how to enjoy our miserable weather.

in and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

This year’s New York-set Tribeca Film Festival is set to bring the movie world’s glitterati out in force. The influential festival hosts hundreds of 17-28 new films and showcases talent from around the world. This year’s highlights include screenings of Before Midnight, starring Ethan Hawke and Big Men, a documentary produced by Brad Pitt.

APRIL

WHY: Founded in 2002 by a collective which included Hollywood legend Robert De Niro, the Tribeca Film Festival has screened over 1300 films from over 80 countries, including emerging and established directors, since then. It’s also been credited with regenerating the Tribeca neighbourhood’s economy.

MAITISONG Botswana

Between the various live performances, street dances 9-20 and free-flowing alcohol, there’s definitely a buzz in the air during Botswana’s largest performing arts festival. Free outdoor programmes take place at various locations around Gaborone, while ticketed indoor events feature some of the continent’s most renowned dancers and musicians.

APRIL

maitisong.org

COMEDY FEST Canada

It might be the Montreal Comedy Fest’s lesser-known 8-14 little brother, but this laughfest gets more than two million visitors each year.

APRIL

winnipegcomedyfestival.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: Well, other than the chance to mingle with Manhattan’s beautiful people, there’s also the chance to catch new films, such as Oxyana, a controversial documentary about the prescription drug abuse epidemic in Wyoming County. tribecafilm.com

MOTHER SOVEREIGN

Portugal

This religious festival in Loulé celebrates the patron 14 saint of the city, Mother Sovereign. The highlight of the festival is the parade through the city and the final ascent to a shrine where huge numbers of people join in and follow the procession.

APRIL

cm-loule.pt

WINE MONTH

Tenerife

Wine connoisseurs say plonk from Tegueste in northern 1-30 Tenerife has special flavour due to the island’s dramatic volcanic soil. So they spend an entire month drinking the stuff every April. Sounds good to us.

APRIL

tegueste.es

Photos: Getty

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UAE travel warning

Dubai: Aussies warned of strict laws

As Australia’s biggest airline Qantas re-routes its main transfer hub to Dubai, Aussies are being warned about behaving themselves in the UAE. Drinking in public, sharing a room with an unmarried partner or public displays of affection are all imprisonable offences, and the Muslim state is similarly tough with drug offences and homosexual activity. In 2009, it was reported that more that 6000 people had been stopped on Dubai’s beaches by police enforcing ‘decency laws’. News.com.au has released a video of top tips for keeping on the right side of the law in the UAE – so check it out if you are planning on heading to that part of the world.

Photo: Thinkstock

ear chewed off Could this be the most undignified hotel incident ever? Former Casualty actor Clive Mantle had part of his ear bitten off during an alleged attack at a Travelodge in Newcastle.

According to the Daily Mail, the actor had to have the top part of his right ear sewn back on by surgeons after it had been recovered from the hotel’s floor. The alleged attack occurred in the early hours when Mantle asked other guests to keep the noise down. A spokesman for the actor said: “He is very shaken and shocked by what has happened, you don’t expect this kind of thing to happen in a hotel.”

pay as you weigh Heavier airline passengers could soon be paying more for their flights if a new scheme proposed by a Norwegian academic is introduced.

“Charging according to weight and space is a universally accepted principle, not only in transportation, but also in other services,” said Dr Bhatta of Norway’s Sogn og Fjordane University College. “As weight and space are far more important in aviation than other modes of transport, airlines should take this into account when pricing their tickets.”

Detractors such as travelsupermarket.com’s Bob Atkinson have called the scheme “distasteful”.

two-headed shark This is really the stuff nightmares are made of – a two-headed shark has been found in the Gulf of Mexico. A fisherman who caught a female bull shark found the double-headed monstrosity in the dead animal’s uterus. “This is certainly one of those interesting and rarely detected phenomena,” said Michael Wagner, Michigan State University’s assistant professor of fisheries and wildlife. “It’s good that we have this documented as part of the world’s natural history.” Hmm. Cold comfort next time you’re splashing about in the sea and see something funny-looking in the water...

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[Caption] Picture perfect: the Eden Valley

eat, drink, SLEEP

Lake District england

scotland

NEWCASTLE askham

ENGLAND

GETTING THERE Take the train from London Euston to Penrith from £95 return with Virgin Trains. A taxi from Penrith to Askham costs about £15. virgintrains.co.uk

Streetscape: Askham under snow

Set in a 17th-century building in the centre of the village and serving hearty pub food, The Queens Head Inn is a locals’ favourite. Meals from £10. queensheadaskham.com On the banks of the Ullswater Lake, family-run Sun Inn is a great stop for a pub lunch. Meals from £10.50. suninnpooleybridge.co.uk The Punchbowl is within stumbling distance of the Queens Head. Recently opened under new management, it serves a range of ales from £3.50 a pint. punchbowlaskham.blogspot.co.uk Finish off a walk through the woods with a brew at the family-run Lowther Castle Inn. The dining room is a former Magistrates Court. From £3.50 a pint. lowthercastleinn.co.uk In a seperate wing of the building from the pub, The Queens Head Inn has warm, cosy rooms from £50pn and a truly welcoming atmosphere. queensheadaskham.com

Posers: TNT’s Orlando snaps sheep and stunning scenery 52

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Small and cosy Abbey House is a four-star B&B in the centre of Penrith’s town. If you’re setting out first thing, they’ll do you an early breakfast. Rooms from £30pppn. abbeyhousebandb.co.uk

UKTRIP

Snap happy The Lake District’s gorgeous hills are a perfect place to learn about landscape photography

Photos: Orlando Crowcroft, Rod Ireland

WORDS ORLANDO CROWCROFT

Famous photojournalist Robert Capa once said that if your pictures aren’t good enough, you’re not close enough. Sure, he was talking about battlefields, but that’s little comfort now as I plod through rugged hills, feet soaked, legs aching, cursing the wind, the weather and the gods.

I’m here in the hills of the Eden Valley in the Lake District for a two-day landscape photography course, and I know what a weak, pampered Londoner I must seem to my northern companions, sniffling and coughing as I make cautious leaps from stone to stone to avoid ruining my boots.

When we start out on the trek I’m pretty confident. This should be easy, I chuckle to myself when I find out that the other two amateur snappers on the landscape photography course are pensioners. The sun shines and the lake glistens as I youthfully bound up the hills.

Just hours later one of those pensioners, Paul, looks at me sympathetically as I stagger along, the blue skies having turned to rain, and then driving snow. Rod Ireland, an experienced mountaineer, landscape photographer and our guide, is bemused. “It must be the country air,” he jokes.

Rod and his wife, Pauline, regularly spend the night in the mountains – most recently they went wild camping on High Street, an 800m mountain range dominating the skyline, in order to catch the dawn light over the Ullswater Lake.

The couple run adventure company Out There People from their converted barn in Askham, a tiny village just five miles from Penrith in the Northern Lakes. This pretty spot is often overlooked in favour of the better-known Lake District tourist traps of Ambleside and Windermere. This is a shame, because the village, with its pub, shop and population of some 500 people, is not only cheaper than its more popular neighbours but also endearingly, refreshingly, absurdly local.

As such, whether you’re ambling through the hills or leaning over a pint of ale in a local boozer, the ‘bet you don’t get this in London’ refrain is as regular as it is justified.

The hills, the clean air, stunning vistas and abundant wildlife are a shock to the system at first, and despite Rod’s best efforts to explain the intricacies of framing the perfect mountainscape, I can’t seem to stop taking pictures of the weird, furry, white animals that dot the landscape.

Snap: here is a sheep looking inquisitive. Snap: here she is looking angry. Snap: she’s eating. Snap: three rams are now

eyeing a female sheep seductively … at which point I put my camera down.

Rod’s learned to be patient with wannabe photographers turning up with expensive SLR cameras and no idea how to use them. He explains the basic settings, using depth of field, adjusting aperture and shutter speed, as well as the importance of patience for capturing landscapes.

Before long, he sends us off to find a shot, set up our tripod and wait. You can wait for an hour, he explains, and suddenly light will come through the clouds and everything is transformed. And it’s not just epic views, the smallest

“

Photographers call evening ‘golden hours’

”

nook in a rock or tree can turn into a perfect composition – a single orange leaf framed by warped wood, the light bouncing off the moss on the rocks.

“You have to learn not to just snap whatever you see – to look for your picture,” Rod says. And before long that is what we all do, eyes darting from tree to lake to sky to rock. After the first day, it is impossible to look at anything without seeing it through the camera lens.

Spring in the Fells can be cold and hard, but when the rain and snow stops and the sun retreats across the sky, the valley is bathed in a warm yellow light. The fields, now a rich green, give way to towering snow-capped mountains – there is a reason the evening is known as the ‘golden hours’ to photographers.

Aching legs aside, scenery like this means it takes a lot for our group to tear ourselves away, get in the car and head back to Askham On yer bike: before dark.

NEXT WEEK

A two-day Mountain Landscape Photography course costs £229pp outtherepeople.co.uk

UK’s top routes for motorbiking

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Seven days sailing in Greece costs £413pp with MedSailors

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A week in Turkey with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271) .

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Egypt An eight-day Nile Explorer trip costs £399pp with Egypt Uncovered (egypt-uncovered.com; 0845 1304849). Includes four- and five-star accommodation, some meals, visits to the Pyramids, Sphinx and two nights on a traditional felucca sailing boat. Excludes flights. Tours depart Cairo on April 13 and 27.

GREECE A seven-day sailing holiday costs £413pp (save 10 per cent) with MedSailors (0207 378 8033; medsailors.com). Includes yacht accommodation, breakfasts and lunches. Excludes flights. Book by April 15. Departs Athens June 8 and 15.

TANZANIA A 10-day Road To Zanzibar tour costs from £420pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com).

Includes accommodation (mostly camping), some meals and game drives.

Excludes flights. Book by April 14.

Departs Nairobi on April 21.

> £500 Thailand A seven-night stay costs from £940pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 2800212). Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Baan Samui hotel on Koh Samui.

Prices based on two people sharing.

Departs London Heathrow on May 1.

Miami A five-night stay costs £691pp with STA Travel (0800 988 0390; statravel.co.uk). Includes return flights with Delta Airlines and room-only accommodation at the Ocean Five hotel. Valid for travel between May 1 and 23.

Nepal An 11-day tour costs £545pp (save £80) with Nepal Uncovered (0845 1304849; nepal-uncovered.com). Includes mixed accommodation in hotels, tents and safari lodges, some meals and visits to Kathmandu, white-water rafting and wildlife safaris. Excludes flights.

Departs April 13.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

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Nice A two-night stay costs £191pp with easyJet (0843 104 1000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes direct return flights and fourstar, B&B accommodation at the Grand Aston hotel. Prices based on two people sharing. Departs London Luton on April 30.

Amsterdam A two-night stay costs £136pp with easyJet (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes direct return flights and threestar, B&B accommodation at the Nieuw Slotania hotel. Departs London Southend on April 17.

Barcelona A two-night stay costs from £199pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Colonial Hotel. Departs London Stansted on April 22.

Italy A seven-night trip costs from £206pp with easyJet (0843 104 1000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes direct return flights and fourstar, self-catering accommodation at the Poiano Aparthotel in Garda. Prices based on two people sharing. Departs London Luton on April 16.

PRAGUE A two-night stay costs £220pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Trip includes return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Jurys Inn. Departs London Gatwick on April 20.

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PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

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PARADE PERIPHERY Amelia Bauskis, Sydney, Australia WHY IT WORKS The man captured in this raw, engaging image by Amelia is all tuckered out during a cultural celebration in the hills of Leh, India. She tells us he was taking time out from the parade, which shows off traditional costumes – such as his stunning jewellery and hat – and dances. He is totally unfussed by the camera, as if holding his yawn for the shooter. “It’s not part of their cultural convention to cover their face, so this is not rude to them, giving a more honest representation of the culture,”Amelia says.

BETTER THAN VENICE Ben Crilly-Hargrave, Gold Coast, Australia

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

WHY IT WORKS Ben says this remind him of Venice – us too – but he thinks it’s “more pleasant”. Also, while reflections on water are often beautiful and add depth to an image, they rarely provide any more than a shadow on dark water. Not here, though – we love how Ben uses the golden sunlight off the water in contrast with the historic grey buildings and moody sky. He says: “I decided to highlight the reflection of the canal, showing that even though Bruges is old, it’s still vibrant with a lot going on in the heart of the city.”

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

SIEM REAP, CAMBODIA Ieva Vosyliute, from Lithuania

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egypt

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Pyramids of giza

Is Egypt safe to travel around at the moment? It’s the question on many tourists’ lips these days. Sunseekers are still happily lying on the sands of many of the country’s best beach resorts, while images of violent clashes in Cairo’s Tahrir Square frequently hit the headlines.

The basic answer is: choose your destinations carefully. There were major disturbances across Egypt in early 2011 that led to the stepping down of President Mubarak, and since then, much of the country has been in turmoil, with sporadic protests. North Sinai is a no-go area, as are parts of South Sinai, with the exception of the Red Sea resorts.

However, according to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, there are still plenty of areas which, as long as you’re careful, are unaffected and still safe to travel in. Our advice would be to check the news regularly, as well as the FCO website (fco.gov.uk) for updates, regardless of when or where you’re travelling.

Fortunately the Pyramids of Giza, 56 00

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probably Egypt’s top attraction, are still A-OK for exploring.

Situated close to the southwestern suburbs of Cairo, these awe-inspiring structures, which are on the list of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, are just as much mysterious as they are impressive.

The three main pyramids are the focal point of the Giza necropolis, where three generations of pharaohs Khufu, Khafre and Menkaure were buried. But despite endless theorising and investigating, no one has ever come up with a concrete answer to how they were built, given their sheer scale and the presumably limited tools the Ancient Egyptians had.

You can ponder these questions yourself as you crane your neck up at the Great Pyramid of Khufu, the largest of them all at 139m tall.

On the same site is the equally famous Great Sphinx, the head of the which is thought to be that of Khafre.

So go, take the snapshots and tick these amazing sights off your bucket list. egypt.travel

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2

Nile cruise

Baby Moses was hidden in it, Cleopatra was queen of it – the iconic Nile River has an integral part to play in almost all of the best-known stories about Ancient Egypt.

No wonder the longest river in the world has caught the imagination of so many tourists. A cruise in a traditional felucca (sailing boat) through these historic waters is a great way to get a sense of Egypt’s past. Most cruises take the scenic Luxor-Aswan route. egypt.travel

Photos: Thinkstock

4

abu simbel

Twice a year, morning sun rays shine directly through the inner temple cave of Abu Simbel, illuminating the statues of four gods seated there. If you’re lucky enough to see it, the spectacle will send shivers down your spine.

The two massive rock temples, which are a Unesco World Heritage site, were built by Rameses II in the 13th century BC. Naturally, he decided to dedicate one of them to himself, and the other one to the favourite of all his wives, Nefertari. unesco.org

3

Red sea

Boutique chic

Just mentioning a trip to the Red Sea sends diving enthusiasts into spasms of envy. And with good reason.

The waters of the Red Sea are known for having great visibility and once you’re underwater, you can see everything from surreal coral formations, to masses of bright tropical fish and even some intriguing WW1 wrecks.

Sharm el Sheikh, hippyesque Dahab and Hurghada are the most popular resorts for scuba diving. padi.com

5

Valley of the kings

Ancient Egyptians believed in life after death, and so their burial rituals were elaborate. For pharoahs, this reached epic scales.

At the Valley of the Kings near Luxor, there are 63 royal tombs and chambers, carefully decorated with scenes from Egyptian mythology. The tomb of Rameses IV is one of the most spectacular. Three white corridors descend to the sarcophagus chamber where the ceilings are covered in pictures of ancient deities.

alemana overview Barely a gnat’s leap from San Sebastian’s world famous La Concha bay, this immaculate hostel is the perfect base for a stay in the idyllic Basque city. From the super-speedy free wi-fi and fortifyingly strong coffee to parking and en-suite rooms, the Alemana is really more hotel than hostel. The generously proportioned beds and small number of rooms allow it to retain a genuine boutique feel. The Alemana’s locale is perfect for beach bums – the sand is 40m away – but you may find this area of town a little quiet during the winter months. San Sebastian’s stunning centre is 15 minutes walk away, perfect for working off an evening of inexpensive rioja and pintxos.

Wow factor Situated in a residential area, the Alemana affords you that most elusive of travel delights – it makes you feel like a local. If it were any closer to the beach you’d have sand in your pants. rooms Spacious, simple, and military clean, they manage to be basic without being characterless.

Bill please £55pn in high season. £40pn in low season.

hostalalemana.com

touregypt.net

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THE INSIDER: CROATIA

Connected: Osaka, Japan, is an easy ferry ride from South Korea

GRANT SEUREN Director Sail Croatia

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LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q I’m planning a trip for summer 2013 and want to travel by the cheapest route from Japan to South Korea. Any advice for me? Thanks!

Harold L. Mordsley, via email A This will be a fantastic trip Harold, in fact,

READERS’ TIPS ON EXTREME SPORTS BACK TO BASE Base jumping is officially the most dangerous sport in the world – but I tried it anyway in Thailand last year!

Scariest thing ever, but brilliant.

Rob Jones, via email SOARING IN SPAIN I did a skydive over the Bay of Rosas for my 25th birthday last year – was a present from my housemates. Best day of my life.

Ceecee Noles, via email 58

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this year Lonely Planet recommends South Korea as one of the top 10 countries to visit in 2013 due to the fast-paced cosmopolitan city lifestyle coupled with some great outdoor activities. The summer is a great time to visit as the country hosts the fourth Annual Asian Indoor and Martial Arts Games from late June to early July and the World Rowing Championships are in late August.

There are several ferry services that can take you from Japan to South Korea. You can depart from four Japanese cities – Fukuoka,

Shimonoseki, Osaka and Tsushima – to the main ferry port in South Korea at Busan. The cheapest ferry option is the Kampu Ferry Service from Shimonoseki, which is an overnight crossing and costs around £62 for a one-way second class ticket (includes allocated space for a sleeping mat). Hydrofoils also operate on this route, including the speedy Beetle jetfoil service. This is far quicker – taking only three hours – and costs only fractionally more at £90 (one-way).

If you are planning to use rail services in both Japan and Korea, you should look into the KoreaJapan Co ticket as it provides discounted travel on rail services in Korea, either of these two ferry crossing options between Busan and Fukuoka or Shimonoseki, and on Japan Rail services. KoreaJapan Co tickets must be reserved seven days in advance. For more information visit korail.com.

What are the must-see stop off points if you’re sailing down Croatia’s coast?

Dubrovnik for a great mix of history and sightseeing, Hvar island for parties and Makarska Riviera for spectacular scenery.

What’s your personal favourite spot?

Split. Great to visit all year round and it offers easy access to the rest of Croatia and Bosnia. Hvar and Markarska are an hour away, Mostar and Dubrovnik are four hours away.

What’s your top tip for making the most of a Croatian sailing holiday?

There are so many hidden beaches and coves. Rent a scooter and go exploring. Find a good spot and watch the sunset over the ocean. sail-croatia.com

ANZAC 3 DAY ANZAC Western Front

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Visits Istanbul, Bursa, Kusadasi, Ephesus, Pergamon, Bergama, Troy and Gallipoli.

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Headliners: Kings of Leon top the bill for 2013’s Bilbao BBK Live festival with Green Day

[Caption]

Bilbao

BILBAO

Spain madrid

spain

Rock on: big crowds at the music festival

Iconic: Zubizuri foot bridge near the Guggenheim; (right) arachno-sculpture Maman fronts the gallery [Caption] 60

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PAMPLONA

GETTING THERE Fly direct from London Gatwick to Bilbao from £169 return with Vueling. vueling.com

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Rocking out in the Basque The Basque Country’s Bilbao is a seductive mix of the new, the traditional, and the full-on rock ‘n’ roll Words alasdair morton Bilbao is not in Spain. Well, it is on the same land mass, marked by the same international borders, about 400km from Madrid. It is more specifically, however, in the Basque Country. This small but pertinent detail has come to define this proud, passionate city and its people. As the playful saying often found in restaurants and bars in the city declares: “Remember, you are not in Spain. You are not in France. You are in Basque Country.”

Bilbao, on Spain’s north coast, is the capital of the province of Biscay. It’s green and enjoys moderate summer temperatures compared to the south. Even more distinctive is the charged political opinion of 70 per cent of the population who want the Basque’s culture and language preserved and the region recognised as their own independent land.

Bilbao’s previous role as the region’s chief port made it the gateway into the country but, as I find, this docklands past is very much that. I take a boat tour down the river Nervión and see the largely abandoned quays derelict and forgotten. As is the way with many post-industrialist towns and cities, though, Bilbao has undergone a cultural regeneration. This extends from the world-class Guggenheim Museum Bilbao to one of Europe’s most exciting new music festivals, Bilbao BBK Live.

The latter launched in 2006 and has swiftly become an unmissable event to rival the likes of Glastonbury. Set on the banks of Mount Cobetas, The Police, Guns ‘n’ Roses and Pearl Jam are among its alumni. I was here last year for Radiohead (grumpy and overly ‘worthy’), The Cure (stunning, showing why pale-as-only-a-Brit-goth-can-be Robert Smith’s band are so revered) and Garbage (back and rejuvenated).

This summer serves up another rock onslaught with the sexed-up Kings Of Leon, punk-rockers Green Day and electrolegends Depeche Mode headlining the bill. While its panoramic views stun and laid-back vibe permeates, the milder summer here means you won’t bake like at Spain’s other big music fest, Benicàssim. It also takes place just after the Running of the Bulls festival in nearby Pamplona, making it a convenient stop-off, and is close to a number of top beaches that dot the northern coast, including legendary surf spot Mundaka.

The fact that bands don’t take the stage until sundown also means you can explore Bilbao at leisure by day. This gives you ample chance to visit the city’s other big draw, the Guggenheim. Opened in 1997, its cultural cache is significant.

Last year just shy of a million people visited. Sat entrancingly on the river bank, it’s clear to see why the Guggenheim is a global tourist attraction. Its jagged, bulbous architectural exterior makes it a prominent addition to the city. At one end, I’m greeted by a large, metallic spider, which is New York artist Louise Bourgeois’s travelling Maman sculpture. Its eight limbs arch up into the sky and offer up the perfect holiday snap (I have to wait my turn before stepping underneath it to strike a pose).

“

You are not in Spain.

You are not in France

”

Just walking around, it’s clear architecture is a key ingredient in this city’s reinvention. While buildings from the past line the roads, I find modern designs and creations at ››

Regal: Bilbao City Hall tntMagazine.com

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every turn, not least in the 13 bridges criss-crossing the river.

Where Spain’s known for its tapas, the Basque is famed for its pintxos – traditional dishes of toasted bread on which pretty much anything goes. Where you’d have a pint and pack of pork scratchings in a London boozer, in Bilbao you’d take a glass of rioja with one of these tasty morsels.

It’s a tradition which immediately wins me over. The atmosphere’s relaxed – take what you want and say how many when you pay. Trust is a given; it’s a welcoming store-client relationship I wish I could take home. The best place to find gastronomically gallant pintxos, I discover – having sampled a lot – is along the Old City’s steep-sided, narrow streets and the Plaza Nueva in particular.

It’s clear this town is intent on forging a new, globally renowned identity for itself through its art, architecture and an all-the-way-to-eleven rock fest. It’s keen to shake free some elements of its past, but intent on holding on to others with unswaying determination. It is this mix of past and present I find so enticing, so distinct. And that’s why Bilbao rocks! ❚ Bilbao BBK Live runs July 11-13. A three-day festival pass, including camping, costs £85 (plus £5 booking fee) bilbaobbklive.com

Guard dog: Jeff Koons’ Puppy outside the Guggenheim

next week City or beach breaks? Go for the best of both worlds in Europe

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eat

Take a stop at any of the restaurants in the Old City’s Plaza Nueva and snap up some pintxos with the locals. Dishes start from around £4.

They are so affordable and tasty you’ll be going back again and again. Bar Zuga in the square caters for a young, trendy crowd, too. From £4 per dish. (Plaza Nueva, Casco Viejo, Bilbao)

Tuck into some pintxos while standing at the bar with the locals at Cafe Iruna, a good value and culture-driven restaurant. Pintxos from £13.75 for a ‘workers menu’ – which we assure you is far better than the name sounds. cafeiruna.com

If you want to try some luxurious, traditional Basque dishes, check out Zortziko, a mighty impressive restaurant in a matchingly commanding 19th-century mansion.

Inventive, playful and utterly delicious – you’ll forget eating festival food in no time. Three courses from £51. zortziko.es

drink

Cafe Bar Bilbao sits in the corner of Plaza Nuevo and alongside the pintxos – it’s big here, have you noticed? – there are all manner of choice local reds to get to grips with.

So grab a glass and get localised!

From £2. bilbao-cafebar.com

Proud of its wine list, Old City drinking establishment Taberna De Los Mundos will bowl you over with choice. Its intent on offering wideranging drinks extends to its beers too, with a wealth of imported and local brews, and light to dark options as well. From £6. delosmundos.com

The gastronomic-pushing Irrintzi takes a creative approach to its pintxos and its drinks, with a wide variety of wines and beers, but is even more noted for its thirstquenching cocktails. From £12. irrintzi.es

sleep

Want to explore the city and enjoy the fest but don’t want to lay in a hot, sweaty tent or fork out mucho dinero, too? Moon Hostel Bio Bibli has a great central location, and will cost you about as much as a single beer at the fest! From £9pn. moonhostelbio.com

Also in the Old City is Hotel Bilbi, which is perfectly placed for getting into the local pintxos – Plaza Nueva is just round the corner. Private bathrooms with all of the amenities you need are part of the deal. Great for exploring the city in comfort.

From £29pn. hotelbilbi.com

The four-star Spa Hotel Jardines de Albia is smack-bang in the city centre and offers a cut above standard: generous-sized rooms (and bathrooms), ace service and, as the name suggests, spa facilities so you can chill out in style. Great for seeing the Old City and with good transport connections. From £65pn. hotelhusaspajardinesdealbia.com

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Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; TNT

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Mahalo-ooo: skydive in Hawaii and enjoy this unbeatable view

Extreme sports Worldwide

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Take it to the extreme Up for a challenge? Try out one of these mad, bad and dangerous sports that will give you an unforgettable adrenaline surge Words Helen Elfer

Conquer your fears. Feel the adrenaline hit you like a punch in the stomach. Jump from dizzying heights, dive into mysterious depths, get battered in freezing waters, leap off jagged rocks, scale epic peaks ... you get the drift. If you’ve always wanted to enter the world of extreme sports, then get on with it while you still can. Whether you want to add an element of danger to your travels, have promised yourself to tick off a few entries on your bucket list this year, or just want to update your Facebook profile picture with something that’ll make all your mates sick with envy, one of these extreme adventures should do the trick.

White water rafting, Zambia Hidden rocks, sharp drops, rough currents, stinging spray – it’s all just part of the extreme sports fun if you’re white water rafting on the notorious Zambezi River.

The section that the most daredevil of rafters aim for is the gorge below the Victoria Falls, before the churning, plunging rapids flow into Lake Kariba and become calmer.

White water rafting falls into classes between one and six, with six categorised as dangerous and effectively unnavigable. You guessed it, the waters on the Zambezi River below the famous Falls have been classified by the British Canoe Union as grade five, with “extremely difficult, long and violent rapids, steep gradients, big drops and pressure areas”.

Think you can take on the rapids, no sweat? Even the ones nicknamed ‘Oblivion’ and ‘The Devil’s Toilet Bowl’? Perhaps you’ll find the crocodiles more of an issue then. These critters are commonly found living in parts of the Zambezi River, but we’re assured they’re usually considered small and harmless.

Usually, that is...

On the plus side, you’ll have simply spectacular views of the Victoria Falls and Zambian scenery, particularly when you’re floating about at the base of the tremendous Victoria Falls. And you’ll certainly have quite the tale to tell once you get home again.

PREPARE: Amazingly, this is one of the few really extreme sports that even a complete beginner can do. With a little training and expert guidance, anyone with the bottle can complete a descent of all the raftable rapids.

FEAR FACTOR: 9/10. There’s at least one death every year from white water rafting – proceed with caution.

GETTING THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Livingstone, via Johannesburg, with British Airways from £1118 return.

BOOK: Water By Nature has trips running between August and October. waterbynature.com Everest Base Camp trek, Nepal There’s no better time than now to take on Mount Everest, as this year marks the 60th anniversary of when Sir Edmund Hillary and Nepalese Sherpa Tenzing Norgay made their historic conquest of the world’s highest mountain. Clearly, you won’t quite be following in their footsteps, but you can at least go part of the way – to the Everest Base Camp.

This classic trek in the Himalayas will give you gaspworthy views of the 8848m Mount Everest. You’ll trek past some of the world’s most remote mountain paths, glaciers, valleys and high passes to reach the foot of the beast. Then a gruelling hike to the 5545m Kala Patthar will deliver views of Everest, Lhotse and the other peaks of this epic region.

On the way back, you’ll have the chance to pass remote monasteries and villages, and learn about Sherpa culture.

PREPARE: If you like to spend your days lolling in font of The Jeremy Kyle Show with a Burger King sack balanced on your belly, then this isn’t the extreme trip for you.

Tour operators say you’ll need to be in very good shape to manage walking these kinds of distances at high altitudes, especially since you’ll be carrying a backpack and covering demanding terrain.

FEAR FACTOR: 3/10. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, this one.

Rather than a single adrenaline blast of fear, it’s going to be a long, gruelling slog, punctuated with moments of exhilaration that are going to make it all worthwhile. The only fear you should have is not being in good enough nick before you set out…

GETTING THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Kathmandu from £638 return with Jet Airways (jetairways.com) BOOK: Intrepid Travel run an Everest Base Camp 15-day trek that departs twice weekly. ›› intrepidtravel.com tntMagazine.com

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Freestyle: diving to great depths in Thailand; (left) taking on Zambezi rapids

It’s a sign: the way to Everest Base Camp

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; Hawaii Skydiving

Freediving, Thailand Any keen divers among you likely associate your underwater adventures with the constant sound of your own heavy breathing, and a sturdy oxygen tank on your back. Freediving is completely different. No scuba gear is used, but instead you just hold your breath. Enthusiasts rave about how it makes you feel part of the deep sea world, as there’s nothing between you and the marine life you’re seeing. Off the coast of Thailand’s Koh Tao, a popular site for freediving training, you’ll be getting up close and personal with schools of tropical fish and colourful coral gardens.

Conversely, this serene experience is often listed as the second most dangerous sport in the world (after base jumping from buildings) as the risks are significant, from the relatively minor, such as passing out underwater and burst eardrums, to more serious ailments such as severe fatigue or ‘lung squeezes’ (when divers go deeper than their lungs can handle, resulting in coughing up blood). Or, of course, you can drown.

PREPARE: This isn’t a sport you can just jump headfirst into.

You need proper training in the form of a formal course to learn correct body positioning, a range of breathing techniques for before, during and after the dive and, of course, safety aspects. Blue Immersion, which is based on Koh Tao, offers a two-day AIDA course that gets you diving safely down to 20m. More experienced divers can go deeper still.

FEAR FACTOR: 9/10. Second most dangerous sport in the world? That’s extreme, especially considering some statistics say there’s as many as 100 freediving deaths per year. But those who do it say the euphoria is worth the risk.

GETTING THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Koh Samui from £963 return with British Airways (britishairways.com).

Then take a ferry from Koh Samui to Koh Tao for £8.

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BOOK IT: Blue Immersion runs courses suitable for beginners and more experienced freedivers. blue-immersion.com Canyoning, France Canyoning is the Marmite of extreme sports – some people love it, some people hate it. If you think clambering your way over terrifyingly slippery rocks, jumping into freezing pools of water and abseiling down plunging waterfalls sounds like a recipe for

Rock slide: canyoning in the Alpes-Maritimes

disaster, give it a miss. If it sounds like the ultimate adventure then get yourself over to the south of France, pronto. Parts of the Alpes-Maritimes region seem like they were designed especially for canyoning, with jagged mountains ideal for climbing, their steep slopes and fast-running streams perfect for sliding down.

PREPARE: Decent levels of stamina and a reasonable level of fitness are required. You also definitely need to be a strong and confident swimmer, as you’ll frequently find yourself in deep water, sometimes with a strong current. Some of the more remote canyons can only be reached by a tough hike, so be ready for that too.

FEAR FACTOR: 8/10. Although there are lightweight canyoning experiences available, the rougher ones require nerves of steel.

GETTING THERE: Fly from London Gatwick to Nice from £57.50 return with easyJet (easyjet.co.uk).

BOOK IT: Berenger Adventures runs courses in the AlpesMaritimes region from easy half-day excursions to more extreme four-day runs that’ll really test your bottle. berengeraventures.com Sky diving, Hawaii It’s the ultimate rush: flying above the clouds, then falling through the skies at an adrenaline-pumping rate of 120mph before letting your parachute open and coasting slowly down to earth. There are stunning sites all over the world where you can do this, but many say the views in Hawaii are unmatchable.

A skydive over Oahu on a clear day lets you see the other Hawaiian islands, whales frolicking in the water, and as you approach the landing area, views of Diamond Head, Pearl Harbour, Kaena Point and the North Shore coastline.

PREPARE: Skydiving is relatively safe, especially when you take your first plunges in tandem, attached to an experienced instructor who will talk you through the process and look after the all-important parachute.

FEAR FACTOR: 6/10. Completely exhilarating, but unless you’re petrified of heights, not much danger.

GETTING THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Honolulu from £808 return with Royal Dutch Airlines (klm.com).

NEXT WEEK BOOK IT: Sky Dive Hawaii offers tandem LA stars: Bars, jumps and training for solo jumps. beaches and skydivehawaii.com celeb-spotting

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08450 267 514 www.busabout.com TNT_1544_077 77

TRAVEL

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info@busabout.com

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@busabout 26/03/2013 14:05:16

FESTIVALs 2013

oktoberfest 4, 5, 6, 7 day options From £195 pp Sept 19th - Oct 7th 2013 Girls grab your dirndl, guys don some lederhosen & head to Munich.

The vibe will have you indulging in steins, whilst singing & dancing like only the Germans can. Try wurst, succulent half-chickens & pretzels & if you feel like taking a break from the beer halls, head to the amusement park or market stalls for some action. With free day trips, breakfast included daily, options on how you travel, plus our awesome team to complete the experience, Contiki is the only way to do Oktoberfest.

Camping from £195 pp Hostel from £305 pp Hotel from £415 pp Your

backstage pass

includes:

daily • Breakfast • Regular free coach transfers from accommodation to festival site • Visit to the moving Dachau concentration camp memorial tour of Munich • Orientation • Experienced & professional Contiki Oktoberfest Team & Tour Drivers • Contiki Oktoberfest t-shirt

bilbao BBK live 5 days From £495 pp

July 10th - 14th 2013 With 360 views over Bilbao in sunny Spain, BBK attracts the big names, but has an intimate festival feeling you’ll love. See acts spread across the 3 main stages, With confirmed acts including Green Day, Kings of Leon, Fatboy Slim and tonnes more 2013 is going to epic. Keep updated on 2013 at contiki.com/bilbao.

Your

• • • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Central city hotel accommodation Welcome party in Bilbao 3 day festival ticket to BBK Live Regular free shuttles up to the festival grounds Experienced & professional Contiki Tour Manager 1 breakfast City walking tour

For our full range of festivals & short trips see TNT-DPS Contiki TNT_1544_078 78 Mar 30-1.indd 1-2

26/03/2013 15:44:30

TRAVEL

BACKSTAGE PASS TO EUROPE When you travel Europe, you want to do it right. You want special treatment and exclusive access that turns a regular trip into the trip of a lifetime. That’s why Contiki offers you a Backstage Pass to Europe. It’s a combination of many things, exclusive to us, that give you unrivalled value and sets the Contiki experience apart for the rest.

Edinburgh Festival & Military Tattoo pamplona

4, 5, 6, 7 day options From £195 pp

4 days From £295 pp July 23rd – 26th 2013 Against the backdrop of the spectacular hilltop castle is Scotland’s famous Edinburgh Military Tattoo. Enjoy a locally guided city tour & and included ticket to the closing night of the Tattoo.

July 3rd - 16th 2013 Run! Play your part in Spain’s legendary San Fermín & the infamous bull run through Pamplona’s city streets.

Feel the adrenaline rush as you don your red & white & literally run for cover - this festival is not to be missed.

With our extra special inclusions like a welcome party, free transfers to & from the city, hot breakfasts daily, included funky festival t-shirts, great party nights & pre-set up tents, it’s too easy.

Your

• • • • • • • •

backstage pass

Your

• • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Central hotel accommodation Tickets to the performance Guided city tour Experienced and professional Contiki Tour Manager 3 breakfasts Return transport from London

includes:

Campsite accommodation with access to the pool, bar, restaurant & shop facilities Large twin-share tents & comfy air mattresses - already set up for you Continental & hot breakfasts daily Welcome dinner & sangria party Morning coach transfers to the bull run, plus regular free transfers to Pamplona’s city centre throughout the day Walking tour of Pamplona - see Plaza de Castillo, the Baroque town hall, Estafeta Street & the famous bullring Experienced & professional Contiki Pamplona Team & Tour Drivers Contiki Running of the Bulls t-shirt & pañuelo

www.contiki.com/festivals l 0845 026 8900 TNT_1544_079 79

26/03/2013 15:34 26/03/2013 15:44:32

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* away! I puke all the time. Give me a shout, Paul HAIRLESS WONDER: Hannah, I guess the full-body shaving weirded you out a bit, but I take my swimming pretty seriously, I needed to shave down. I’m sorry I used your razor, but I had training that day. I promise, if you’ll just return my calls I’ll buy you a new razor.

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SHIT BABY STORIES: I’m happy for you that you’ve had a baby, and that you both lived through it. In some parts of the world, that’s the tricky bit. But I couldn’t give two shits about your first bath together, even if it had the funny punchline of her shitting on you, or any other pointless milestone, or pictures (all newborns are ugly, people who say otherwise are lying). When will parents realise no one cares about babies as much as they do? Now I’m off to do ... whatever I want. Facebook blocker RETRO TRIBUTE: Does anyone have a spare tape player kicking about? Just found an old cassette in a box that I’m desperate to listen to. I think it might be me singing along to the radio playing I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany. I think it might be just the way to tell the girl I’ve been following home how I feel. Not Stalking MIXED IDEALS: To the dude wearing the super expensive jeans (brand name withheld) with a Che Guevara T-shirt at Starbucks, taking fucking ages to order your decaf-soy-mocha-cino-latte because you’re on the phone. You are a total twat. Che fought against exploitation and consumerism and your dacks were probably made in a sweatshop. Burn your tongue, idiot! Mel LOVE SICK: To Julie, the vivacious Melbournian I met at The Church this weekend, seriously, I don’t give two hairy hoots that you did, what was in all fairness, only the smallest little puke on my shoulder, you didn’t have to run

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www.1stcontact.com/tnt TNT GOLDEN BACKPACK AWARD winner - Voted by you the TNT reader

It’s the end of the tax year!

Claim your Tax Refund now 1 in 3 people working in the UK are due a Tax refund and you could be one of them – especially if you have not worked a full tax year or have more than one job. The average refund is £1000, beat the rush and get yours now! We work on a “no refund no fee” policy, so you have nothing to lose.

> Free no obligation quote > Over 130 000 successful claims > Member of the Association of Tax agents

0808 168 2600

taxobc@1stcontact.com www.1stcontact.com/taxobc

DOUBLE

DISCOUNT DEAL SHIP YOUR GOODS HOME AND CLAIM YOUR TAX REFUND WITH US FOR A DOUBLE DISCOUNT*

44051

*£850 is roughly the average amount owed to a Tax Refund client. Your personal claim will depend on your individual circumstances.

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05/03/2013 14:57 25/03/2013 09:56:43