TNT Magazine / Issue 1549

May 6-12 2013 Issue 1549 tntmagazine.com

APPY EVER AFTER Forget the internet, folks.

Dating apps are where it’s at

s n o d n Lo appy h t s be ours h WIN!

EDDIE IZZARD

On running for London Mayor

A PLAYSTATION 3, PLUS STAR TREK GAMING CHAIR & VIDEO GAME!

VAN TOUR EUROPE

A guide to the ultimate road trip + SPAM JAM FESTIVAL KAYAKING VENICE’S CANALS GIGS OF THE WEEK KITESURFING IN CAMBER SANDS

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ISSUE 1549 / £1.95

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18/04/2013 16:22:26

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Isn’t it amazing how London changes in the glare of sunshine? Not only does the city look better under a blue sky, but Londoners themselves transform, dropping that seemingly immovable licking piss off a nettle expression for a seasonal smile. It might also have something to do with the way those rare rays appear to send subliminal signals that say we absolutely must go to the pub. With that in mind, we’ve rooted out the city’s thriftiest drink deals so you can celebrate summer on the cheap. Bottoms up!

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS

10+11

@TNT

12

SPOTTED

15

LONDON SOUND

16

COMPETITION

18

CHATROOM JEFF NICHOLS

19

LONDON SCENE

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LONDON FOCUS

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SPARE TIME

25

LIFESTYLE

Photos: René Seindal

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26-33

HEALTH

26

MONEY

31

LIVING

32

NEWS

34-39

SPORT

40-44

TRAVEL

47-65

6

FEATURES BEST HAPPY HOURS

6

You don’t have to fork out a fortune on after-work tipples – try these cheap deals

EDDIE FOR MAYOR!

Surreal stand-up Eddie Izzard tells TNT he’s serious about replacing BoJo

DIARY

48

DIGITAL LOVE

NEWS

49

UK TRIP

50

The dating game isn’t online only. We find the best apps for meeting your match

LATE DEALS

52

GETTING HIGH

HOTSHOTS

53

TOP FIVE

54

Head to Camber Sands in East Sussex for a kick-ass weekend of kitesurfing

SHORT BREAK

56

TIPS

59

BIG TRIP

60

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

87-89 90

22

22

KAYAKING VENICE

26

50

56

The best way to see a city on the water?

Get paddling those canals, of course

ULTIMATE ROAD TRIP

60

Van Tour veterans share their stories of wild rides and infamous 100 Club Munich

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Daisy Carrington

LONDONDIARY

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Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 3011 1066 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Cutting-edge: see Jim Rose’s madness at the seventh LBF

Shhh... SECRET LONDON london burlesque festival across london

This London festival of neo-burlesque variety and striptease hits the capital for nine nights of glamorous shows and titillation with 100 performers, including UK premieres and top international acts – the global flavour takes in everything from ‘Best of British’ to ‘Shanghai Surprise’. Jim Rose, of the infamous Jim Rose Circus (guys hanging massive weights off their nuts and doing things you wouldn’t believe with their unnervingly flexible, contorting bodies), headlines the final four evenings. £35

May 10-19, times vary Venues vary londonburlesquefest.com

bedtime stories This month’s shows are based on the themes Urban Love (May 15) and Tales of Terror (May 16), the former promising stories of love and sex in the city courtesy of Zoe Strimpel, the latter a terrifying tome by famed ghost-loving author MR James. Wear your PJs and enjoy a cocktail on arrival. One of London’s most sumptuous nights out. £30

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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May 15 & 16, 7pm 40 Winks, E1 4UJ Stepney Green 40winks.org

walking book club

nick the greek gangster tour

Elizabeth von Arnim’s novel The Enchanted April is the focus for this book club with a difference – rather than sitting down in the back of a pub or a crammed coffee shop, you go for a stroll along Hampstead Heath and talk literature. A cultured and scenic alternative for a Sunday morning.

Stephen Marcus, aka ‘Nick the Greek’ in Guy Ritchie’s Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, returns with this popular tour of gangster London from the movies and the real life Kray-ruled locations that inspired them. He reveals the colourful characters that became celebrity icon thugs.

It’s the dogs!

May 12, 11.30am Daunt Books, NW3 2QB Hampsted Heath dauntbooks.co.uk

Saturdays, 1pm. Until Sep 30 The Blind Beggar pub, E1 1BU Whitechapel britmovietours.com

FREE

£20

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Left to right: London Cocktail Club’s squid ink sour; the oyster bomb; and the bacon and egg

Best happy hours Toast the summer with London’s top cocktails or a bargain beer: where to find cheap deals every night of the week Words laura chubb Ah, there’s nothing quite like summer drinking, eh? Contrary to the usual motivation behind British bingeing (blocking out the misery of grey and gloom), summertime is when Londoners bask in the sunshine and smile over after-work pints, rather than drown their sorrows in them.

Only, your average Londoner today is grinning over something a little more colourful than a beer.

According to a survey of 1000 people by designmynight.com, 69 per cent claimed a cocktail is now their drink of choice, while 63 per cent preferred an “experience” cocktail bar over a pub. And you only have to look at the city’s ever-growing raft of experimental cocktail joints – think Shoreditch’s Worship Street Whistling Shop, where ingredients such as aubergine crisp are deemed acceptable, or 69 Colebrooke Row in Angel, where a drink comes with “a hint of hay” – for the proof.

Perhaps it’s appropriate, then, that the “happy hour” shares its history with cocktail bars. The former has its routes in the Prohibition era, where speakeasies served drinks before patrons went out to eat in restaurants 6

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that couldn’t serve booze. Once the Prohibition period was over, these speakeasies became cocktail lounges, continuing the trend for drinks ahead of dinner. Fast forward to the present day, and London is awash with happy hours offering 2-4-1 cocktails in the early evening. Even more happily, they tend to go on for a lot longer than a mere 60 minutes.

Take the London Cocktail Club, for example, a pioneer on the city’s experimental cocktail scene and provider of a happy two-and-a-halfhours most nights of the week.

Co-owner JJ Goodman tells TNT that LCC practises “tongue-in-cheek mixology”, serving up the likes of cheese and pineapple martinis (a wheel of Babybel decorates the side of the glass) and oyster bombs (Red Bull jelly and Jäger served in an oyster shell).

Still, he’s keen to point out that a sense of fun isn’t at the expense of taste. “We’re not going to put a shit drink on the menu!” he laughs. One of his favourites is the squid ink sour.

“It has this gorgeous saltiness and silky texture that really brings out the tequila,” he reckons. Um, yum.

Another unpretentious trailblazer is Southsider Cocktail Club in Clapham.

Co-founder Jimmy Drummond says the idea behind the venue was to create a “local cocktail bar for a regular crowd”.

But the drinks are far from “regular”, mixed with the likes of chicken salt, atomised tobacco and dehydrated bacon.

“I was first inspired by Heston Blumenthal,” Drummond admits, explaining that Southsider’s Full English Flip (bacon-infused bourbon with egg and maple syrup) sprung from the chef’s bacon and egg ice cream. Delish.

Feeling thirsty? Challenge your tastebuds or just sink a bargain beer with our pick of the city’s cheap drinks.

LONDON’S BEST HAPPY HOURS ›› Happy hour (2-4-1 cocktails) at London Cocktail Club is Mon-Sat, 4.30-7pm at 224 Shaftesbury Avenue, WC2H 8EB Tottenham Court Road londoncocktailclub.co.uk Happy hour (£5 cocktails) daily at Southsider Cocktail Club, 5-8pm. 56 Battersea Rise, SW11 1EG Clapham Junction thesouthsidercocktailclub.co.uk

LONDON’S CHEAPEST PINTS tntmagazine.com/cheapestpints

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Shake it, baby: LCC likes to keep it fun

Irregular: Southsider’s blueberry pancake mule

Hot venue: expect some theatre at LCC

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Massive Sharing Cocktails £19

THE COURT CENTRAL LONDON

PICCADILLY INSTITUTE PICCADILLY

If a fancy pants cocktail isn’t so much your poison and you prefer a good old-fashioned boozer to a sleek lounge bar, The Court pub has the happy hour for you. Every Thursday night, Jägerbombs are £1.50 or you can get a double for £2.50. Now that’s what we call cheap. £1.50+

Open Sun-Wed, 10am-midnight; Thur-Sat, 10am-1am 108a Tottenham Court Road, W1T 5AA Warren Street thecourtlondon.co.uk

ICK! READERnvP ersation

Join the co fave at – add your e.com/ tntmagazin happy

TNT reader Sharnese Goodwin-Wicks answered our shout-out on Facebook for London’s best happy hours with the Piccadilly Institute, saying simply: “From 5pm-9pm, everything half price!” And it’s not too good to be true – the venue’s series of themed bars (from creepy hospital ward to country garden) offers 50 per cent off food and drink every day, Sunday to Friday, 5pm-9pm. £3.85

ELECTRIC SOCIAL BRIXTON The eclectic Brixton bar (leather sofas, chandeliers, mounted deer heads, a moustachioed Mona Lisa) serves 2-4-1 cocktails between 5pm and 8pm every week night, plus £15 Tiger buckets if you’re in more of a beery mood. There are 18 cocktails to choose from, including the intriguing likes of Gingerpolitan and apple pie and custard. £7.50+

Open Mon-Sat, 5pm-3am; Sun, 5pm-12.30am 1 Piccadilly Place, W1J 0DA Piccadilly Circus piccadillyinstitute.com

Open Mon-Thur, 5pm-11.30pm; Fri, 5pm-2am; Sat, 3pm-2am; Sun, 12pm-11.30pm 40 Acre Lane, SW2 5SP Brixton electricsocial.com

FLORIPA SHOREDITCH Beers for £2.50 and cocktails for a fiver – you can’t really go wrong with Floripa every Tuesday to Thursday between 5pm and 7pm.

This boho Brazilian bar (above), smack-bang in the middle of Shoreditch, does a decent job of convincing you’re kicking back in a colourful beach shack, with its flower-garland chandeliers and tumbling plants. Better still are the cocktails, blended using South American staples such as cahaça (sugar cane rum).

A night out here usually ends with dancing on tables. £2.50+

Open Tue-Thur, 5pm-1am; Fri-Sat, 5pm-2am; Sun, 1pm-midnight 91-93 Great Eastern Street, EC2A 3HZ Old Street floripalondon.com

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HENRY J BEAN’S CHELSEA

THIRST SOHO

A pint of Becks is £3 and cocktails are 2-4-1 every day between 5pm and 7pm at this USstyle bar and grill.

Forget happy hour, this Soho bar has a ‘stupid hour’ between 12pm and 7.30pm every Tue, Wed, Fri and Sat, where most cocktails are half-price.

£3+

Open Mon-Wed, 11am-11pm; Thur-Sun, 11am-midnight 195-197 King’s Road, SW3 5ED Sloane Square henryjbeans.co.uk

THE LOFT CLAPHAM A cut above your usual, The Loft’s house cocktails (mixed with homemade ingredients) have won a raft of awards.

Try 2-4-1 (on beers too) all night Tuesdays and Sundays and ‘til 9pm Wed to Fri. £4+

Open Tue-Thur, 6pm-midnight; Fri, 5pm-1.30am; Sat, 12pm1.30am; Sun, 12pm-midnight 67 Clapham High Street, SW4 7TG Clapham North theloftclapham.com

£5+

ADVENTURE BAR CLAPHAM

This badass LA-style whisky bar is all neon and red bar stools, enticing you to become a hard-drinking muthafucka with its £3 draught beers, available 5pm-8pm every day except Saturday.

You can choose your own adventure from the four branches of this party bar across London, which all offer two cocktails or three beers for just £9 between 5pm and 8pm every eve, plus the same offer all night on Sundays.

There’s zero pretense and lots of personality at the Clapham Junction venue, and the cocktail list is long enough to keep you coming back until you’ve ticked them all off. Then what? Go round again, of course! Find the other Adventure Bars in Clapham High Street, Covent Garden and East Dulwich.

Open Mon-Wed, 4pm-2am; ThurSat, 4pm-3am; Sun, 6pm-1am 112 Upper St, N1 1QN Angel slimjimsliquorstore.com

Open Tue-Wed & Sun, 5pmmidnight; Thur-Sat, 5pm-2am 91 Battersea Rise, SW11 1HW Clapham Junction adventurebar.co.uk

Open Mon-Sat, 12pm-3am; Sun, 7pm-3am 53 Greek Street, W1D 3DR Tottenham Court Road thirstbar.com

SLIM JIM’S LIQUOR STORE ANGEL £3

£9

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THE RUM KITCHEN notting hill

CASSIS CHELSEA

A Caribbean-style beach shack in the heart of Notting Hill?

Sounds unlikely, but this cool little cocktail bar brings the sunshine with its rumheavy blends (below) and Afro-funk beats. Sample the varied menu with 2-4-1 drinks Monday to Thursday, between 6pm and 7pm.

Looking for something a bit sophisticated, dahling?

Avoid bulk-buying Jäger at this Brompton Road bistro, where the bar serves up half-price cocktails every day between 3pm and 8pm. Ask for the cocktail of the day or try the signature French mojito. Works out at around two drinks for £11.

£7.50+

Open Mon-Wed, 6pm-11pm; Thur, 6pm-1am; Fri, 6pm-2am; Sat, 12pm-2am; Sun, 12pm-4pm 6-8 All Saints Road, W11 1HH Ladbroke Grove therumkitchen.com

£11

BARRIO EAST SHOREDITCH A slice of sunny paradise on grubby (but oh-sotrendy) Shoreditch High Street, Latino-themed Barrio East has a daily ‘Amigo Hour’, where classic cocktails are £4.50, bottled beers are £3 and there’s £5 off selected bottles of vino. To keep the happy holiday vibes flowing, it’s on every day between 4pm and 8pm. Score. £3+

Open Mon-Fri, 12pm-11pm; Sat, 10.30am-11pm; Sun, 10.30am-10.30pm 232-236 Brompton Road, SW3 2BB South Kensington cassisbistro.co.uk

Open Mon-Fri, 3pm-2am; Sat-Sun, 11am-2am 141-143 Shoreditch High Street, E1 6JE Shoreditch High Street barrioeast.com

THE OLD SCHOOL YARD borough

THE MAYOR OF SCAREDY CAT TOWN SPITALFIELDS

Open Tue-Thur, 5.30pm-11.30pm; Fri-Sat, 5.30pm-12.30am 111 Long Lane, SE1 4PH Borough theoldschoolyard.com

East London’s worst kept secret speakeasy, the bar behind the Smeg fridge in Spitalfields’ branch of The Breakfast Club, even has its own happy hour – £5 cocktails between 5pm and 6pm, Monday to Thursday, every single week. A bit gimmicky, yes, but also a super-cool, low-lit corner perfect for hunkering down in over a few rounds.

Owned by the folks behind London Cocktail Club, there’s a massive list to sample at 2-4-1 from 5pm to 7pm every day.

Open Mon-Thur, 5pm-midnight; Fri-Sat, 12pm-midnight; Sun, 12pm-10.30pm 12-16 Artillery Lane, E1 7LS Liverpool Street themayorofscaredycattown.com

Open Mon-Thur, 4.30pm-11pm; Fri-Sat, 4.30pm-midnight 6-7 Great Newport St, WC2H 7JB Leicester Square coventgardencocktailclub.co.uk

£5

Photos: Floripa; Adventure Bar; Electric Social; Barrio East; Dirty Martini; Rum Kitchen

£4.50+ Fun and flair at this unpretentious joint that, along with karaoke, arcade and Wii games, offers cocktails for just £4.50 and two beers for a fiver between 5.30pm and 8pm every night.

COVENT GARDEN COCKTAIL CLUB COVENT GARDEN £7.50

THE WINCHESTER ANGEL This ace Angel party pub offers a generous 2-4-1 cocktail deal between 6pm and 2am every Thursday, giving you plenty of time to get ‘em in.

The menu is split between ‘expected’, ‘unexpected’, ‘fruit bat’ and ‘hot’ options.

Works out around £4 a drink. £8

DIRTY MARTINI CENTRAL LONDON

The chain bar has 17 locations across the city, all of them mixing 2-4-1 cocktails between 5pm and 7pm every night (6pm ‘til midnight on Sundays).

A schizophrenically decorated basement bar in Hanover Square (exposed brick, sparkly disco tiling, greenleather-padded tunnel?), this place shakes some wickedly inventive martinis (we like the mango and chilli). From Monday to Thursday between 5pm and 10pm, and Friday and Saturday between 5pm and 8pm, martinis and prosecco cocktails are half price (so about £4.25 each).

More of a beer drinker?

Bottled brews are just £2.50.

There’s another branch in Covent Garden, too.

Opening times vary Various Various beatone.co.uk

Open Mon-Sat, 4pm ‘til late 10c Hanover Square, W1S 1JH Oxford Circus dirtymartini.uk.com

Open Mon-Wed, 11am-midnight; Thur, 11am-2am; Fri, 11am-3am; Sat, 9am-4am; Sun, 9am-midnight 2 Essex Road, N1 8LN Angel thewinchesterbar.com

BE AT ONE ACROSS LONDON £6.20+

£2.50+

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LONDONDRINKS

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THE JUNCTION TAVERN

@tntmagazine

Drink and dine: not a gastropub, it’s a restaurant and pub

BAR

The Junction Tavern has what gillet-wearing estate agents call ‘kerb appeal’. In less twatish words, this towering 18th-century Kentish Town institution looks like the kind of pub you want to go into. Split by a central bar into a dining and drinking area, it enjoys a reputation for awesome food, great beer and a warm atmosphere. Entering from the tepid spring night air it’s not hard to see why. At 9pm on a Friday the queue for a dining table is reassuringly long. Luckily we’re not here to eat. The split-level conservatory provides a relaxed setting and the heated garden swathed in fairy lights is pleasant even as the night gets nippy.

THE GRUB It wouldn’t be right to call The Junction a gastro-pub, with its menu worlds away from the standard rustic burger, posh bangers and embellished mash formula – it’s a restaurant and pub in one building. The food is great, but restaurant prices, with the likes of breaded pig’s cheeks with celeriac or sea bream with salsa verde.

THE SCENE

Among the usual assortment of continental lagers, there’s five ale pumps. The Twickenham Sundancer is a pale ale with a distinctive hoppy finish.

BILL PLEASE Mains from £14; starters from £5.50; pints from £3.50; wine from £4/ £15.50 per glass/ bottle.

VERDICT It’s sometimes hard to make a quality restaurant and buzzy pub work as one, but somehow The Junction Tavern has managed it with aplomb. OLIVER JONES BEHIND THE BAR

101 Fortress Rd, NW5 1AG

junctiontavern.co.uk

3 OF THE BEST TAPAS

Tufnell Park/Kentish Town

EL PARADOR

POLPO

ANGELS & GYPSIES

This family-run restaurant in Camden has a massive range, including an impressive vegetarian selection, and adds authentic touches such as Asturian cider. Three-fortwo on weekday lunchtimes, dishes from £4.20-£8.50.

The perennially popular Venetian small plates joint sure isn’t cheap, but dishes are filling and mostly on the nose (be sure to order a few pizzettes). Prepare to wait on line before being seated.

Dishes from £3-£9.50.

A super-stylish spot in Camberwell (not an oxymoron, as it turns out), Angels & Gypsies imports its own cured meats from Spain and the menu is seasonal and organic where possible.

Dishes from £2.50-£12.50.

elparadorlondon.com

polpo.co.uk

angelsandgypsies.com

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BITE SIZE

Something fishy: moules marinière and, inset, TNT’s Laura post-thumb war defeat at the hands of Capt Bob

GET HIGH Treat yourself and try a higher than normal high tea at the top of Centre Point on New Oxford Street. London’s highest high tea has just launched at the Paramount bar, 32 floors above the city and offering knockout 360-degree views. Along with the usual dinky sandwiches and creamladen scones, there are nine teas to choose from, or posh it up and sup from a flute of champagne. High tea with leaves is £28, or take it with bubbles for £42. paramount.uk.net

POP GOES THE TREND It was only a matter of time before people got bored of gourmet burgers, dawgs and fried chicken, which we presume is why it’s been deemed necessary to open a popcorn boutique in Notting Hill. POP dusts its corn with exciting flavours including Bloody Mary (hello), peanut butter and jelly and the rather decadent-sounding choc orange and caramel, plus best seller English toffee and sea salt.

Flavours change every month so check the website for deets. popthewebsite.com

VIVA ESPAÑA Can’t afford to fly off to sunny Spain this summer? Console yourself at Ibérica La Terraza, which will serve special bespoke Spanish tapas and cocktails al fresco in Canary Wharf from May 8, in an attempt to recreate the terrace culture of Madrid (let’s hope London’s skies don’t piss all over it, then). These guys also serve the Basque version of tapas, pintxos (above), so it’s well worth swinging by for a bite.

MUSSEL MEN SEAFOOD

The pop-up purveyors of seafood, prosecco and thumb wars are hunkering down in Hackney’s ultra-adorable Brew For Two cafe every Friday through Sunday in May, so now’s the time to pay a visit and try to win yourself a Mussel Men T-shirt by taking on the sizable appendages of helmsman Captain Bob. Robin Dunlop (the cap’n) has taken his experience of working on a familyowned shellfish farm on Scotland’s west coast and given it a hipster twist, serving up top-notch Shetland mussels and then an optional thumb war (inside a mini boxing ring built just for the purpose, no less) at the meal’s end. Brew For Two is a great little spot for the Mussel Men to have dropped anchor, too – a cutesy candlelit corner wedged incongruously between the area’s myriad kebab shops.

The grub Menu options are refreshingly limited – there’s oysters to start, mussels and frites for mains and waffles for dessert. (Removing the half-hour “umm” and “aaah” ritual before I’m able to decide on an order is genuinely freeing – I’ve always treated meal selection with the gravest, and apparently most maddening, of gravity.) My date and I start with an oyster each. They’re almost alarmingly large fleshy beasts – any bigger and I’d be seriously sceptical they could physically fit down even my huge gob – and pack enough sea-salty flavour to need only a squirt of lemon for garnish. The mussels are similarly simple – we get a kilo in the classic marinière, which makes a subtle accompaniment, and the golden, thin-cut fries are just as you’d hope for. After all that, we’re completely stuffed, but make room for a waffle with strawberries and chocolate sauce, which hits exactly the right note of a sweet finish without any overwhelming heft.

THE SCENE

Wine from £5/ £25 per glass/ bottle. Cocktails from £5.

Meal deal for two (1kg of mussels with chips, a bottle of prosecco and a waffle with fruit, ice cream and chocolate sauce) is £40. verdict Uncomplicated fast food with a side of lunacy. We like. LAURA CHUBB Behind the bar Bill please

ibericalondon.co.uk 101 Morning Lane, E9 6ND

musselmen.com

Hackney Central

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Eleven meerkats are killed in a fire at a West Lothian zoo. Can we assume that they were well insured?

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Dodgy: but no area in London is all bad, right?

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Yorkshire: Where the men are men. And the women are men

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EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Re: Worst places to live in London (TNT 1548): I’d have had Haringey below Hackney. To be fair, my knowledge is primarily from Tottenham and the dodgier parts near Finsbury Park. My point is really that London is very mixed up. You get great areas beside more deprived ones. That’s a lot better than the Paris situation where you get lovely places in the middle, and ghettos on the outside. I like that London is all jumbled up.

Sionnach, via Reddit

LONDON TOILETS

Re: Worst places to live in London (TNT 1548): Westminster having high crime is deceptive – it includes tourist and West End areas, so numbers are boosted by drunks and tourists getting robbed.

Croydon? Absolutely. An absolute toilet of an area.

I have to go there regularly and it’s full of proper scumbags and looks like shit. It’s like every time an architect is in town they say: “I’ve got a fantastic idea for a new building – a big, grey rectangle!”

Pichardboy, via Reddit

I HEART CROYDON

Re: As above: Am I the only person who loves Croydon?

Amazing markets there, the best Chinese I have ever eaten at, the closest Ikea, an amazing cinema, great fabric shops, amazing architecture in the back streets, abandoned air field ... I love Croydon.

Koneko394, via Reddit

HITLER PIÑATA

Re: Hitler piñata smashed up by Anzac Day revellers at New Zealand bar: appropriate or not? (tntmagazine.com): Really?

This is the question? Prince Harry wore Hitler fancy dress, let the lads have fun.

My grandad ‘who was a digger’ would have picked up the stick!

Nicholas Ward, via Facebook

2DAY INQUEST

Re: Radio DJ Mel Grieg will appear at an inquest into the death of nurse Jacintha Saldanha following infamous 2Day FM prank call (tntmagazine.com): I hope they get to the bottom of it. I think it goes a lot deeper than the prank, with underlying issues in the workplace which resulted with the prank being the last straw.

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parachute youth The Social, Soho Tuesday, April 30, 2013 Photos by: Patricia Montenegro/ TNT More pics and tag yourself at facebook.com/tntmag

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Working hard: Scottish-born, LA-based Aussie legend Colin Hay plays London

festival

watch

comedy hullabaloo

colin hay Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT sat, may 11 | Doors at 7pm | £25

Stratford-upon-Avon. May 23-26. From £10 per show.

comedyhullabaloo.com

You know it’s not all about music in this year’s fest scene, as this brand new comedy festival in Stratfordupon-Avon shows. It has a full-on bank holiday line-up to have you pissing yourself for days on end, including Ed Byrne, Miles Jupp, Danny Bhoy, Al Murray, Mark Watson, Sara Pascoe, Doc Brown, Carl Donnelly, Milton Jones (left) and loads more.

So get the beers in, limber up your funny bone (it’s going to get a workout!) and prepare to have your sides split!

For some reason many of Australia’s fave musical sons started elsewhere, specifically the grey, rainy, couldn’t be more different to Down Under of Scotland.

AC/DC’s Angus Young and Cold Chisel’s Jimmy Barnes were born there, and so too Colin Hay, former Men At Work frontman, who’s simply one of the best singer-songwriters Australia – or any island for that matter – has ever produced.

Hay moved to Melbourne as a 14-year-old in 1967 and formed Men At Work in 1979, having a global hit with Down Under. They disbanded in 1987 and Hay went solo, moving to LA in1989 and setting up his own label, Lazy Eye Records, three years later. “I realised I’d have to work harder for more modest returns,” he says of this period of transition. “I set about building a new audience [who didn’t know him as a ‘Man At Work’] and it has been hand-to-hand combat ever since.”

Hay’s Californian period got a shot in the arm from the most unusual of places, too, as indie fan Zach Braff picked him and his music to appear in a number of Scrubs episodes, and chose I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You for the Garden State soundtrack. “I went from playing to 50 people a few years ago, to 500 and 1000-seat venues,” he says of his late-Noughties resurgence.

It has as much to do with his work ethic and dedication (11 solo albums and counting), and the fact he writes damn fine tunes as evidenced by ninth Lazy Eye LP, Gathering Mercury, which is out in the UK on May 6. Hay describes it as “possibly the best collection of songs I’ve ever written”. We couldn’t agree more.

Shepherd’s Bush

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NEW BAND

little boots GIG FRI, may 10. 6.30pm FREE

Vicktoria Hesketh, aka Little Boots, wowed everyone with her electro-pop debut Hands, a sultry and sublime little album from the Blackpool-born lass. But that was four long years ago. Vicky’s got a newbie, Nocturnes – out today (May 6) – and this show to share her new tunes. Admission free with purchase of the LP.

Photos: Getty; Karla Gowlett

Rough Trade East Dray Walk, 91 Brick Lane, E1 6QL Aldgate East roughtrade.com

vice motel

neotropiq

CLUB

CLUB

fri, may 10. 9pm-3am FREE

fri, may 10. 9pm-3am FREE

It’s all about the Nineties at this new club night at north London venue Love & Liquor.

Local star Sophie Ellis Bextor and her husband Richard Jones, under the DJ moniker Me And Mrs Jones, will be spinning the classics and unfairly forgotten records from the decade of Tamagotchis and Global Hypercolour. Shiny.

The British godfather of house and techno, Eddie Richards, is the first guest at RvS Music’s new party, the first in the Neotropiq series which will feature special guests each month. RvS head honchos Asadinho and Paul Soul will be in line to support on this north London launch also with projections from Sean Meacher.

Love and Liquor 34 Kilburn High Road, NW6 5UA Kilburn Park loveandliquor.co.uk

Cargo 83 Rivington Street, EC2A 3AY Old Street cargo-london.com

black books The buzz so far We like this Austin five-piece – a lot. Their mixing of southern rock vibes with laid-back, ambient-accompanied slow-build atmospherics, and driving, thumping drums brings to mind their fellow Texans The Secret Machines.

Black Books have been playing together since school and their self-titled debut is about to hit. In the meantime they’re over here supporting The Flaming Lips as well as fitting in a few headline shows.

Wayne Coyne’s seal of approval is a good thing. Get reading!

The Critics say “Psychedelia with sun-soaked melodies” Loud Horizon the plug Black Books is out May 12 through Believe Recordings. Play Barfly, May 22. £.7.50.

NW1 8AN Chalk Farm blackbooksband.blogspot.co.uk

css

martinez brothers

the phoenix foundation

GIG

CLUB

GIG

mon, may 13. 7.30pm £16.50

sat, may 11. 11pm-8am £19+

tue, may 14. 7pm £14

They’re from Sao Paulo, frontwoman Lovefoxxx was fond of lycra jump suits and outlandish posturing, and they had a mega-hit in Let’s Make Love And Listen To Death From Above.

Album number four, Planta, is out June 10 and they’re here to show everyone that they’re still as batshit mental as ever with tunes to match.

The brothers from the Bronx are famed for not just their legendary energy – 12-hour marathon sets have been known – but for their boundless positivity. They’ve played everywhere from DC10 in Ibiza, Montreal’s Stereo and Berlin’s Panorama Bar. Now they’re playing Fabric for the first time – anything could happen.

Following 2011’s acclaimed Buffalo and appearances at Glastonbury, the indie-proggers have a bold new album out, 80-minute double header Fandango – and it’s ace, even if its cover does look like a demonic wood carving of ET. The Wellington six-piece venture to Europe in support of the release.

Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen 2-4 Hoxton Square, N1 6NU Old Street hoxtonsquarebar.com

Fabric 77A Charterhouse Street, EC1M 6HJ Farringdon fabriclondon.com

Electric Ballroom 184 Camden High St, NW1 8QP Camden Town electricballroom.co.uk

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A PS3 CONSOLE & GAME WITH STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS Alice Eve, Chris Pine, Simon Pegg, Zoe Saldana, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban and Peter Weller.

When the crew of the Enterprise is called back home, they find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organisation has detonated the fleet and everything it stands for, leaving our world in a state of crisis. With a personal score to settle, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one-man weapon of mass destruction. As our heroes are propelled into an epic chess game of life and death, love will be challenged, friendships will be torn apart, and sacrifices must be made for the only family Kirk has left: his crew.

Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions Book your tickets at bit.ly/TrekTickets

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WIN ©2013 PPC. STAR TREK AND ALL RELATED MARKS AND LOGOS ARE TM OF CBS STUDIOS, INC.

To celebrate the release of Star Trek Into Darkness, in cinemas May 9 (cert 12A, TBC), TNT has teamed up with Paramount Pictures UK to offer you the chance to win a 12GB PS3, a copy of Star Trek – The Video Game (out now) and an exclusive Star Trek Into Darkness gaming chair.

Our first-prize winner, along with three runners up, will also receive more Star Trek Into Darkness goodies including a festival (camp) chair, Bluetooth speaker, Bluetooth keyboard and ice cube tray.

On May 9, pioneering director J.J. Abrams will deliver Star Trek Into Darkness, an explosive action thriller following on from the international box office success of Star Trek in 2009. The film features a stellar cast including John Cho, Noel Clarke, Benedict Cumberbatch,

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03/05/2013 17:18:59

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Jeff Nichols

The filmmaker on first love, broken hearts, and filming Mud in his home state of Arkansas INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Your last film, Take Shelter, was born from your anxieties about becoming a father. Where did Mud come from?

I pick an emotional anchor for my films and for this one it was a palpable one – heartbreak.

It’s a nostalgic feeling for me.

Any particular heartbeak for you?

There were two high school sweethearts who I was really in love with. Your heart never gets broken the same way as that first time – when a girl broke up with me for the first time I was physically nauseous. An emotion like that seems worth anchoring a film to, that’s what connects it to an audience. Beyond that it doesn’t have to have personal reference. I have never lived in a boat in a tree or been hunted by bounty hunters [like Matthew McConaughey’s character Mud].

Lead character Ellis (Tye Sheridan) is looking for a mentor figure – did you draw from people in your own life?

I have had points in my life when an older guy comes in and gives you a piece of advice which is perfect for the place and time you’re in. For me, the main mentor was a film guy, but what Mud does for Ellis is tell him that love is possible.

The film is set and was shot in Arkansas – how was returning to your home state?

In the US it is all about state tax incentives.

Louisiana borders Arkansas and the Mississippi, and has massive tax incentives that are impossible for surrounding states to compete with. But the film takes place in Arkansas, so the state stepped up to the plate – the governor actually dipped into a discretionary fund so that they could match Louisiana’s incentives.

Photo: Getty

It is your biggest movie yet – how did you find working on a bigger canvas?

It’s great. I am not an indulgent filmmaker in terms of production. I’ve heard Clint Eastwood will do a few takes and when he thinks he has it he moves on. He has his script and executes it.

You’re not a 28-take director then?

No, more a five-take kinda guy. When we get past that I get itchy. What I’ve always wanted from a film set is time to execute my plan and this felt like the first time I’d had that time.

Multi-tasker: Nichols’ mates serve as his cast and drinking buddies Hollywood legend Sam Shepard read the script and signed on saying, “Tell the writer not to change a word.” How did this endorsement feel?

He is such an icon. And as a writer it gave me the confidence to work with him because he doesn’t need to pass those comments. He wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to be so it made it easier if I had to give him a note.

How did having Matthew McConaughey in mind for Mud affect writing the script?

It made it easier. I had written the lead character imagining what his voice would sound like and [with Matthew] I didn’t have to recalibrate because the character was already in his wheelhouse. I remember getting on set and hearing him speak for the first time and closing my eyes and smiling. It was a thrill.

Tye Sheridan is astounding as Ellis.

What struck you about the young actor?

The universe delivered him to my doorstep, really. [Mud producer] Sarah Green had produced [Terrence Malick’s] The Tree Of Life and she said: “I think Tye [who starred in Tree with Sean Penn and Brad Pitt] might be getting to the right age [for the Mud role] now.”

What was most impressive about him?

She said they used to call him ‘The Torpedo’ on

the Malick set because if things were getting a bit flat and they needed some energy they would just send him in and he would blow it up. I’d also talked to [Shelter and The Tree Of Life actress] Jessica Chastain and she was very impressed.

You’d have to be a moron to ignore those two.

He is very slight physically but explodes in moments of the movie ...

Yeah, he has a lightness of being. He looked exactly like the character in my mind, and he sounded like him. He is from east Texas, so he had this beautiful natural accent, and his hobbies are the same [as the character], so everything lined up perfectly. It was like I was talking to Ellis.

You kept many of the same cast and crew from your earlier films, such as Michael Shannon and Ray McKinnon – do you like having a ‘film family’?

Yeah, I love working with my friends – you get to hang out with your friends. And it is expedient as you can work without worrying about someone judging you and your decisions. And then you go drinking with your friends.

Mud is out May 10 through Entertainment One mud-themovie.com

SEE MCCONAUGHEY ACTUALLY ACT

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Unlikely hero: McConaughey makes us forget past film misdeeds in southern-set gem Mud

mud FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Tye Sheridan, Matthew McConaughey, Michael Shannon | 12A | 130mins | Out May 10

deadfall FILM Starring: Eric Bana, Olivia Wilde | 15 | 94mins

Eric Bana (Star Trek) and Olivia Wilde (Tron: Legacy) star in this crime-thriller from Austrian filmmaker Stefan Ruzowitzky (The Counterfeiters), as siblings who attempt to make a getaway across the Canadian border after a botched casino robbery leaves them fugitives. A genre offering full of snowy Fargo-esque misdeeds. For our verdict visit tntmagazine.com/deadfall.

On general release May 9

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In the space of three movies, American filmmaker Jeff Nichols has become one of the brightest young talents out there. His latest, Mud, is his finest yet, a heartwarming and intelligent yet disarmingly honest coming-of-age tale as two young boys learn about the world from Matthew McConaughey’s titular drifter.

Set in Nichol’s home state of Arkansas, Mud is a beautifully observed tale about the imperfections of love and relationships as 14-year-old Ellis (outstanding newcomer Tye Sheridan) looks for a father figure amidst his parents’ dissolving marriage, his best mate’s parental stand-in and loving uncle Galen (frequent Nichols’ collaborator Michael Shannon, soon to be seen in Man Of Steel), and Matthew McConaughey’s wild-eyed, philosophical Mud, whose obsessive love with a troubled Reese Witherspoon fuels the violence that follows him.

McConaughey’s enigmatic Mud is layered with mystique, charm and helpless naivety – it’s a turn that makes the likes of Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past a distant memory – with winning support in Sam Shephard’s wisened river bank dweller and Sarah Paulson as Ellis’ under-fire mother. Sheridan shines as the vulnerable, youthful and yet inherently strong Ellis, who finds a mentor in Mud despite his shortcomings.

Nichols throws in genre elements with the arrival of a pack of Mud-hounding bounty hunters, allowing him to indulge in some set-piece showboating. It is the human drama of Ellis’ search for a father figure that affects most, though.

MOST ‘MCCONAUGHEY’ MOMENTS

Good for: Seeing a contemporary American classic.

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03/05/2013 11:17:24

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GIVE US A

nick helm: one man mega-myth

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Nick Helm sets out to “kick comedy in the dick” and does just that with his loud-as-fuck, outrageous and combative take on stand-up.

You’ll laugh, you’ll most likely cower for cover, too, and even notice the odd Eighties power ballad in there when he gets the six-strings out.

Totally unique mentalness.

Udderbelly Jubilee Gardens, SE1 8XX. May 11. £15.50 Waterloo udderbelly.co.uk

david bent: fresh air

rooms – a rock romance

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Artist and aviation fan Bent has been producing flying-inspired artworks for a decade now and has become the Red Arrows’ artist in residence as a result. This new exhibition showcases his experiences and passion for the skies with each work containing small, initially inconspicuous, details that reward careful and repeated viewing.

This unlikely Seventies love story between a middle class Jewish Glaswegian singer and a reclusive working class Catholic composer moves between Glasgow, London and NYC as it tells, in flashback, the course of their troubled romance.

There’s folk, balladry and a dollop of punk in Andrew Keates’ enjoyable production. LK

RAF Museum NW9 5LL. Until May 31. FREE Colindale rafmuseum.org.uk

Finborough Theatre SW10 9ED. Until May 18. £16+ Earl’s Court finboroughtheatre.co.uk

bec hill What’s this week’s show going to be about? Immature observations and stories … and maybe dinosaurs. It depends if the audience is awesome or not.

Photos: Steve Ullathorne; Mike Lidbetter

Who inspired you to pick up a mic and take to the stage in the first place? My granddad. He’s a great storyteller and incredibly funny – both intentionally and not.

He once tried to microwave a pie in a hotel safe.

table

beautiful thing

THEATRE

THEATRE

In the inaugural play at the National Theatre’s new temporary venue, bright-red box The Shed, a cast of nine plays six generations of the same family.

It’s not perfect, but Table does tease unexpected laughs and a few well-timed shocks, showing the inventive potential within both an old piece of furniture and a big red box on the riverbank. LC

Although 20 years old, former teacher-turnedplaywright Jonathan Harvey’s touching story – of first love between two young boys dealing with teen angst and the risk of disapproval – has dated little. It sensitively captures the boys’ tenderness while promising future happiness as they look forward to finding their place in the world. LK

The Shed South Bank, SE1 9PX. Until May 18. £12+ Temple theshed.nationaltheatre.org.uk

Arts Theatre WC2H 7JB. Until May 25. £20+ Leicester Square artstheatrewestend.co.uk

What’s the weirdest gig you’ve ever done? I did a gig recently in a restaurant where the diners hadn’t been told there was going to be comedy. There was no stage and no microphone. We just had to stand next to the entrance and yell our jokes as loudly as possible over the background noise. It was essentially reverse-heckling.

What’s the funniest thing you have seen this week? I’ve just come back from a series of gigs in Estonia and over there the word for “shop” is “pood”. Every store has a big “pood” sign. I laughed at that solidly for about 20 minutes.

We Love Comedy, May 8. £5 Effra Social, Brixton weheartcomedy.com

SW2 1DF

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Pretty pollie: the only London Mayor with more style than BoJo? 22

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03/05/2013 14:17:57

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A force of nature Stand-up Eddie Izzard talks comedy, Darth Vader and running for London Mayor ahead of his new show at Wembley this week Words alasdair morton

Eddie Izzard is one of the biggest stand-up comedy stars of all time. The fifth best in all of comedy history, according to a Channel 4 poll, and certainly among the most intriguing – a surrealist cross-dresser as well-known for bizarre on-stage ‘bits’ involving a varied cast of characters (Sean Connery, a clarinet teacher called Mrs Badcrumble) as he is a successful Hollywood career (most notably the Ocean’s series), running 43 marathons in 51 days and professing an intention to become London Mayor. And now, four years after his last major tour, Stripped, he’s back with a brand new, globe-traversing show, Force Majeure.

TNT catches up with Izzard for a chat about the tour he’s in the midst of, which stops in London this weekend and then again in June. He’s just completed the Euro leg, on which he toured France in French (being fluent, he performed 71 gigs in French in 2011 and has vowed to learn Russian, Arabic and Spanish next).

It’s hard to know where to start when interviewing someone so accomplished, but there is something we’ve been dying to ask Izzard for quite some time. The longhaired, gravelly-voiced promoter at TNT’s local comedy club in Streatham has often spoken of how he worked with Izzard in his formative years (stopping just short of saying he “discovered” him, but we’ve taken this to be the suggestion).

“Do you remember PJ?” we ask.

“With the long hair?” Izzard shoots back, knowing instantly who we mean. “Yeah, I did some of his gigs ...”

Somewhat taken aback – and guilty for ever doubting PJ, too – we almost forget we’re here to talk about business.

“Force Majeure can mean ‘act of god’ or it can mean force of nature,” the 51-year old Izzard tells us, getting the chat back on track. “We have to be our own forces of nature if we want to get things done but you have to give a damn as well – give a damn about other people.”

Following on from his atheist-debating, god-considering, and regimented faith-baiting previous outing Stripped, Izzard’s new show looks less at the man upstairs and more at the people down here, and how they live their lives.

“We all come from 10,000 people and now there are seven billion, so while the right-wingers point out the differences I am endlessly going to point out our similarities,” he says of the over-arching theme of this new show.

“It’s about being sound of mind and body and what we

can do on earth. I do talk about god a little but it is more about what we can do.

“I am 2.8 per cent Neanderthal,” he continues, referring to a recent BBC programme Meet The Izzards, which investigated the Yemen-born but UK-raised Izzard’s genetic

“

I am 2.8 per cent Neanderthal

”

lineage. “Most people are between one and four per cent, even the Queen, it is only the African people who are not. So when our ancestors came out of Africa they met Neanderthals and said ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi?’ and off that all went.” Mankind’s evolution, in a nutshell, folks.

Looking at how we all came to be, and what joins us all, no matter whether you’re a middle-aged comedian touring the world or a plumber in the Netherlands, is a key focus for the show. We notice an element not so much of anger in ››

Back on track: Izzard returns with his first new show in four years tntMagazine.com

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Jog on: Izzard ran 43 marathons in 51 days across the UK in 2009 his voice, but a firm belief in people and what we should be doing to make the world a better place.

As an activist and campaigner who ran back-to-back marathons over five weeks for 2009’s Sports Relief, and who is setting out on a mega-marathon in South Africa in the new year in honour of Nelson Mandela, he’s as qualified as any to challenge the modus operandi. It’s no fluke that he received the annual Outstanding Lifetime Achievement Award in Cultural Humanism this February from Harvard.

As our chat weaves through life on earth, it turns towards politics, key elements of both the show and Izzard personally.

“Most people in the world are affected by politics. You can argue that financial crises come from greedy people who want to make money,” he says.

“The sub-prime mortgage crisis [which rocked the US in 2008 and sent aftershocks round the world] was because mortgages were given to people who would never be able to pay them back. They took their money and ran off to the hills.

It is always the rich that get richer during a depression, while most of us get a hard time.”

He talks with an air of defiance aimed towards the state of the world and it seems this side of him is growing in purpose. Izzard’s shows have always been far more than

the surreal, Python-esque flights of fancy they superficially appear. Indeed he has spoken in recent years of his desire to move into politics in the future, even going so far as to say he will be quitting comedy in six years time to focus on this alone. Does he really want to run for Mayor of London?

“Yeah,” he replies, catching us off guard. We thought it may have been a down-the-line aspiration, a goal with no fixed time frame despite media reports to the contrary. Not so.

“I am going to do six more years of comedy and drama first. I’ve got the new Hannibal TV show [in which he plays a psychiatric inmate opposite Mads Mikkelsen’s titular fleshhungry doctor, who was so memorably played by Anthony Hopkins on the big screen]. But yes, I will get down to it.

“If you look at what I have done with my life, I sold out Madison Square Garden and the Hollywood Bowl, I toured France in French, ran 43 marathons – I can do things in a different way to what people might believe.” It is this driven work ethic that sees him take Majeure on a globe-trotting tour that stops off everywhere from Oslo to Kathmandu.

“And I am positive about people, I like people,” he says.

“I want London to be an inclusive place, more and more open and to encourage people to go for it,” he says when we ask what sort of mayor he’d be. “I will be someone who is a cheerleader of the people, pushing things forward.”

If Arnie can become governor of the world’s 12th largest economy, California, then why not Izzard for the Big Smoke?

But fear not, Force Majeure doesn’t see Izzard all serious.

There is still plenty of eccentricity from the man who once wrote a sitcom, 1997’s Cows, starring actors in cow suits.

“Above all it’s entertainment,” he says, as we’re wondering for a moment whether he’s gone all Mark Thomas on us.

“It is funny and surreal and twisted – I cover human sacrifice, Greek gods, Lord Of The Rings, and the Death Star canteen with god and Darth Vader drinking together.” Phew.

So it seems we’ve got a lot to thank PJ for next time we see him round Streatham? “He was there and I did play his gigs,” Izzard says. “But I wouldn’t say he ‘found me’. I found me!” ❚ Eddie Izzard – Force Majeure plays Wembley Arena, May 11 & 12 HA9 0PA wembley.co.uk Wembley Park and The O2, June 8 & 9 SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich. Tickets from £40.

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EDDIE’S FUNNIEST ‘BITS’ tntmagazine.com/eddietop5

Photos: Getty

Political: Izzard at the 2010 Labour Party Conference with Ed Miliband tntMagazine.com

03/05/2013 14:18:01

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Tracer: El Pistolero

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CD

Puzzle-game adventure as you trot around the globe. £12.99 amazon.co.uk

Second album of stoner rock meets classic rock riffage from the Adelaide-based trio. £11.99 play.com

Might and Magic Heroes VI: Shades Of Darkness

Lady Antebellum: Golden CD

PC Game

Fifth album from the hugein-the-States Nashville country-pop rockers. £9.99 amazon.co.uk

Classic PC-based fantasy gaming. Old school. £17.99 amazon.co.uk

Runtastic Road Bike Ian Marshall: Playfair Cricket Annual 2013

App

Tracks your ride so you can calculate duration, distance, and calories burned. Ace. FREE itunes.apple.com

Book

The indispensable guide to the last season of cricket.

One for stats and fact nuts. £5.99 waterstones.com

SoothPostr App

Randomly generated answers to your questions – like a digital Magic 8 Ball.

FREE play.google.com

Dawn O’Porter: Paper Aeroplanes Book

Guernsey-in-the-Nineties set coming-of-age tale about two 15-year-old girls who become unlikely friends. £5.99 amazon.co.uk

Biolite Camp Stove Gadget

Burning biomass fuels this stove and gadget charger. £149.95

Quartet

iwantoneofthose.com

DVD

Billy Connolly leads the allstar oldie cast in this tale of musicians in a nursing home who stage one final show. Rousing. £12.50 amazon.co.uk

iBed Gadget

A laptop cushion with tablet slot perfect for lazy browsing. £12 sciencemuseum.org.uk

The Impossible DVD

Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor star in this Asian tsunami disaster drama. £12.99 play.com

App of the Week Draw Something 2 App

New tools mean you can make this highly addictive scribble challenge even more compulsive. Winsome. £1.99 itunes.apple.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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03/05/2013 11:19:17

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

JT dance class The last thing you’d expect to hear in a class entitled “Dance like JT” is his ex Britney, but apparently the instructor grew a little tired of Timberlake’s sound. Still, the main focus of Gymbox’s newest addition is the routine. If you have any aptitude for following choreography (which I discovered during the class that I decidedly didn’t), you might even learn some moves you could take to the club.

The instructor started out simple; a shuffle, side-step, cross, cross, sexy shimmy. Well, OK, it was simple compared to what was to come.

In honesty, I was already confused, which proved problematic as the routine grew more and more complicated. Some abstract arm moves followed. The instructor made it all oh-so seemless, slick, and hip when he demonstrated the routine. When I tried the choreography out myself, I ended up looking, well, a little more goofy. Fortunately, the discovery that both my feet were indeed left tickled, rather than frustrated me, and by the end of the session I realised I was sweating. After a few more classes, I might be able to pick up enough tricks to impress the next time I hit the dance floor.

Go online to get a free trial class.

Classes are Mon, 6.45pm; Tue, 6.20pm; Sat, 1.10pm. For Gymbox members only. Memberships cost from £62 per month. DC

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Romancing the phone Looking for love in all the wrong places? The best route could in fact be right in your pocket Words Daisy carrington

Online dating? So yester-decade. Now young romantics turn to their phones for love. Alas, the market is inundated with matchmaking apps, convoluting the journey of the heart.

We’ve sorted through the best iPhone and Android has to offer so you don’t have to.

Let’s Date best for: Simplicity What: Tired of long-winded profiles? Let’s Date (below) takes the verbosity out of the process by creating simplified “dater cards”, which basically show your profile, and a few bullet points of your personality (i.e. “hopeless romantic”, “tattooed/pierced”). If you like the look of someone, you tap “let’s date”. If they tap it too, you can start chatting. You have to have a legit Facebook account (and at least 50

friends) to join, which helps eliminate creeps. price: FREE

HowAboutWe best for: Cool date ideas What: Too often, dating apps just connect two people. HowAboutWe (below) brings you to those who are into the same things and places as you. You upload a pic, a basic profile and the type of dates you want to go on. Then, each day, they’ll send you date ideas from those who may be compatible with you. Suggestions range from “running into the ocean at night” and “picking up vegetables at a farmer’s market for a picnic”. price: FREE to download. Added features, such as unlimited messaging, are included in subscriptions, which start at £5.37 per month.

100 High Holborn and various locations gymbox.co.uk Holborn

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03/05/2013 10:38:13

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WHAT’S NEW

Herbal body oil Works as after-sun, too £9.95 boots.com

Appy endings: whether it’s short and sweet or long-term that you seek, find it at the stroke of a touch screen OkCupid best for: Cheapskates What: OkCupid is one of the few apps on the market that is completely free.

Like Match and eHarmony, the app uses algorithms to (supposedly) create the perfect pairing. Users can chat, upload date ideas and broadcast their location to meet up at a moment’s notice. OkCupid is also the highest rated dating app on the market, partly because of a streamlined, user-friendly interface (the price doesn’t hurt either). price: FREE

Photos: Thinkstock

Crazy Blind Date best for: Spontaneity What: Created by OkCupid, this quirky app acts as a reminder that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You pick when and where you’d like to meet up while the app does the maths using OkCupid’s algorithm. It then sets

you up on a blind date, offering little more than a first name and a scrambled picture. price: FREE

Skout best for: Globetrotters What: For a social networking app to work it needs users. Skout has one of the largest subscriber bases – a million new members join each month – so it’s possible to meet matches just about anywhere in the world.

The app itself doesn’t break any mould. It’s locationbased and lets users broadcast their NEXT WEEK whereabouts, chat Vintage fitness: and view profiles.

Our workout gets price: FREE a retro makeover

Mary Kay lipstick Protects your lips, plus colour £14 marykay.co.uk

Cool eyes, hot lips A complete kit for the season £18 frontcovercosmetics.com

LONDON’S BEST DATING EVENTS tntmagazine.com/singlenights

Lush’s dry shampoo Essential for summer fests £6.50 lush.co.uk tntMagazine.com

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03/05/2013 10:38:16

tntjobs.co.uk T: 0800 59 16 19 www.beaumontmarquees.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Erector Location: Warehouse is in Borough Green, Kent Salary: From £6.25 / Hour

Marquee Hire Company supplying equipment to corporate and private clients across London and South East of England

You will work with a team putting up and taking down marquees.

Long hours and hard work outside all weathers.

Temporary position until end September. 7am starts from warehouse in TN15.

BEAUMONT LONDON

Apply by emailing CV to info@beaumontlondon.co.uk

SKI JOBS FRANCE T: 07824 68 1228 www.skijobsfrance.com.au

JOB OF THE WEEK: Ski Jobs in France Location: French Alps Salary: Competitive Package

Ski Jobs France supports Aussies, Kiwis and Canadians to organise a working holiday in France. Guaranteed job or your money back.

Employers are recruiting now for ski jobs in hotels, bars, restaurants, chalets, airport transfers & ski shops. Dec to May. French speaking not essential, but helps.

Assistance applying for French visa. Escape the grey British winter.

Visit www.skijobsfrance.com.au for more info & email info@skijobsfrance.com.au

SPI DIRECT ENTRY LTD T: 0203 178 4669 www.directentryservices.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Telesales executive, 3 days per week Location: Heathrow Salary: hourly rate + monthly bonus

We are a leading UK and International postal services provider specialising in Agency and Brand led marketing and e-commerce solutions.

You will have an excellent telephone manner. You will be happy to make a large number of calls in a day, to arrange appointments for field sales team.

BLANCHARD PLUMBING LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Registered or Certifying Plumber Location: Christchurch - New Zealand Salary: Top wages paid

T: +64 2140 3470 Small Christchurch based company with a growing work flow

Julian Bradshaw | julianb@spidirectentry.com

You will need to have proven experience working in the New Zealand plumbing industry and be competent in all aspects of domestic through to light commercial plumbing.

Immediate start. Vehicle and phone supplied. Top wages paid. Assistance with relocation.

Applicants for this position should have NZ residency or a valid NZ work visa.

Scott Blanchard | NZ +64 21-403-470 | CVto: sandvblanchard@paradise.net.nz

GENTLEMAN & A VAN T: 0845 226 3525

www.gentlemanandavan.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Removals Driver Location: Wandsworth, Southwest London Salary: £10 per hour

Gentleman & A Van is a market-leading removal & storage company based in Southwest London

Working as part of team of either 2, 3 or 4, the successful candidate will be required to drive a 3.5 tonne Luton van for domestic and commercial removals in London and the UK.

HFH HOMECARE

JOB OF THE WEEK: Home Carer Location: Merton, Ealing, Sutton, Wimbledon, Brent, Croydon, Wandsworth and Southwark Salary: Depending on qualification and experience

T: 020 8879 3472

www.hfhcare.co.uk HFH Homecare specialises in providing high quality care for people in their own home with over 25 years in the industry we are known and respected provider. HFH Homecare’s mission is to provide care and support at home; valuing client choices and encouraging independent living by offering a flexible service delivery model.

James Nash | james@gentlemanandavan.co.uk

To provide a high quality service to the people we support. To provide personal care and practical support to a variety of clients to enable them to remain in their homes. To provide a service with a sensitive regard for race, gender, religion and cultural factors as they affect clients.

Amanda Daniel | 020 8879 3472 | email info@hfhhomecare.co.uk

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

TNT_1549_028 28

JOBS 03/05/2013 16:02:39

A unique way of finding your next teaching job Advertising

Right Teachers Right Schools Right Time

iday is a one stop job shop perfect for UK and overseas teachers.

One day, one location, multiple schools, and the choice is yours.

If you’re tired of trawling endless job boards for the right teaching job, then iday should be an event on your calendar. Come and personally meet multiple schools in one convenient location and choose the right job for you. iday is a special event run by Engage Education, Education Investor Award winners for 2012.

iday Event iday is a unique event held at a central location in London. It enables teachers from all over the world from far reaching places such as Australia, New Zealand, Canada and more locally in the UK and Ireland to interview with multiple schools on the one day. iday facilitates the best matching process between teachers and schools. Teachers not only meet a wide variety of schools in one day, they also receive professional development sessions and get to teach in schools of their choice as a prelude to a long-term teaching contract. This is a win win for teachers and their prospective schools.

Overseas Teachers Shine Antipodeans, Canadian and Irish teachers are highly regarded by British schools as high quality teachers who are able to deliver consistently good lessons. At iday 90% of all our overseas teachers are

TNT_1549_029 29

STAR QUALITY Amanda Davis, 24, from Ontario did her teacher training in Australia. Her star quality meant every school she interviewed with at iday wanted to invite her in to teach and employ her.

How did iday help you?

“The thing that really made iday worthwhile was the fact that I could meet every school face to face. I had a wide variety of choices. I really had a chance to consider all aspects of each school before making my choice.”

successful in gaining their job of choice through this unique iday experience.

Experience = Employability iday has provided many overseas teachers with the right job to develop their teaching

pedagogy. It has provided them with an excellent platform to return home and aquire the best teaching jobs in what are very competitive job markets. The British Education system experience helps returning teachers shine.

Security in Numbers No teacher in London should be sitting at home waiting and hoping for the phone to ring for a day of teaching work.

We believe that our overseas teachers should be nutured and rewarded and given the security they deserve. As a result we offer our teachers our “Guaranteed Payment Scheme” (GPS).

Our mission is to provide our teachers with consistent work and as a result we are putting our money where our mouth is and offering to pay teachers 4 out of 5 days every week. If we cannot deliver work then we pay.

Join the winners

If you’re seeking a new teaching job, then join a winning team and get the best possible job opportunities laid out for you. Call Engage Education to nominate for iday or GPS.

Call us: 0333 800 7 800 Email CV: teacher@teachingjobslondon.com.au Register online: www.engageeducation.co.uk www.iday.co.uk

03/05/2013 10:47:14

It’s Tax Refund Time Beat the rush and get your claim in now!

1 in 3 people working in the UK are due a tax refund and you could be one of them – even if you are a working student or did not work for the full financial year. 1st Contact has processed over 130 000 successful claims and we work on a “no refund, no fee”policy, so you have nothing to lose!

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Your personal claim will depend on your individual circumstances.

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20/03/2012 14:51 03/05/2013 11:52:47

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

travel on the cheap easyJet has deals on select summer flights. Book for travel between now and xxxxxxxxx June 27, and you can get a one-way fare (based on Xxxxxxxxxxx two people flying) for as little as £45pp. Amsterdam, Nice and Milan are among the destinations going xxxxxxxxx cheapest. Visit easyjet.com for more info.

Xxxxxxxxxxx Get your fridge on Curry’s is having a spring sale on large appliances. xxxxxxxxx White goods and more are up to 40 per cent off Xxxxxxxxxxx online and in stores. In some cases, that translates to more than £400 in savings.

Visit currys.co.uk xxxxxxxxx for a list of deals.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

Flee to gay parEE Eurostar has a deal on train tickets from London to Paris. There are a select number of return fares on sale, starting from £69 (beat that, budget airlines!). The deal is on while seats last. To book yours, visit eurostar.com.

Get fresh-faced Garnier is giving away free samples of face moisturisers. Simply visit garnier.co.uk, go to the pull-down menu under ‘Face’, click on ‘Moisture Match’, then click on ‘send me a free sample’. Give up your deets and it’s gratis.

into the miscellaneous one.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

I avoid posh lunches, and try to manoeuvre my Oyster so I don’t pay for zone one to four. I pay for zone two to four, then take the bus in zone one.

Your last big blow-out?

School. Uni is expensive.

harisha Ngra, 20 Job Student From Sri Lanka Lives City

How do you budget?

I put funds into essential categories such as Oyster and phone before I put money

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Electronics. I know I don’t need them, but I can’t stop buying the newest video games when they come out.

how THEY spend it!

Splash out on the home While filming Argo in Istanbul, Ben Affleck dropped £1600 on a new rug at the Grand Bazaar. Alas, there was no room for it in his house. It is now a bath mat

Rugged: Affleck spent £1600 on a bath mat

❚ When things were good, boxing legend Mike Tyson spent £1.3m on a bathtub, which he bought for his first (now ex-) wife. It almost makes the £92,415 he spent on two Bengal tigers look like chump change.

❚ Nicolas Cage once famously shelled out £182,455 on a dinosaur skull. Titanic actor Leonardo DiCaprio also had his eye on it, and it took a fierce bidding war before Cage won the beast at auction.

❚ Seemingly level-headed Daniel Radcliffe once spent £11,251 on a custom-made Savoir mattress. Wonder how many gold Galleons that would be?

❚ Charlie Sheen bought a limited edition football table for £16,526. What made it so special? The players were made out of Barbie dolls.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

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LIFESTYLEliving Home

Style .99

£16

Cutlery clock It’s time to dine all the, er, time! wayfair.co.uk

Words daisy carrington

Tea cup set For a most feminine cuppah alisonappleton.com

It’s amazing what a transport link can do to a neighbourhood – Newington Green is proof of that. Just 10 years ago it was an area best avoided. Today, it’s a haven of cool drinking venues and villagey-feeling independent eateries and shops. Trendy cocktail lounges, affable locals and quirky theatre pubs line the green for which the hood is named. The area also boasts a steady supply of kebab shops, which help complement those late-night libations.

Why Newington Green?

50

£3.

John Lewis ramekins Make puddings with style johnlewis.com

.99

£14

Hannah Turner egg cup Tweet yourself to breakfast hannahturner.co.uk

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Living the green life Newington Green, N16

.95

£24

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Though one of London’s older nabes, Newington Green is a fairly recent hotspot.

Until 2010, when the Overground expanded to include nearby Canonbury, linking it to London’s transport network, the area remained cut off from the rest of the city.

For decades, this made for cheap rent and a bustling immigrant population. But as soon as the connection was introduced the quality of life soared.

“It was one of those parts of London that was only linked [to the rest of the city] by bus until 2010,” recalls Daniel Saunders, lettings manager at Kinleigh Folkard & Hayward in Stoke Newington. “When the new line came in, new buildings went up, properties got refurbished, and a lot of new buyers came in to snap it all up.”

Many of the buildings date back to Victorian and Georgian times, and possess charming architectural flourishes, such as sash windows and brick facades.

“It’s very much tree-lined, Victorian

Stroll spot: Clissold Park period properties,” Saunders explains.

Who lives there?

In addition to a large Turkish Cypriot population, Newington Green has started luring in young professionals, particularly those in artistic industries.

“Because Hackney and Dalston are on your doorstep, you tend to get a lot of media and creative types,” Saunders says.

The area is also loaded with green space, which is a major attraction for the yummy mummy set.

“You’ve got Clissold Park on the doorstep, and you’re walking distance to Victoria Park and London Fields,” notes Saunders. “You’ve got a lot of outdoor space, which, with the good schools in the area, attracts families.”

Gig and quiz: The Old Queen’s Head The connections Nearby Canonbury is one stop on the Overground to Highbury & Islington on

tntMagazine.com

03/05/2013 10:40:53

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MY AREA Karl

Hammond Animator, 30

“It’s clean, and there are great restaurants. Acoustic Cafe does a great bubble and squeak and breakfasts. The only annoying thing is it’s too expensive to buy property.”

Elpie

Psalti

Project manager, 36

French fancy: Londoners flock from all over for pastries at Belle Epoque the Victoria line or Dalston Kingsland National Rail, and a mere 10-minute walk to Upper Street in Islington. Still, because there aren’t a rash of Tube options, the area has managed to retain its village vibe and plentiful bus routes. The 73 takes you to Victoria via central London, for example.

Don’t move here if...

You’re looking for a deal. The hood may not be as oversubscribed by hipsters as, say, neighbouring Dalston, but the infiltration of cute boutiques and young families has already made it competitively priced.

Where to hang out The area has managed to eschew High Street chains for cute, independent boutiques and one-off bars and pubs.

The Snooty Fox serves up excellent ales in a vibrant setting, while The Old Queen’s Head is popular for its gigs and pub quiz. Folks from all NEXT WEEK over London pop into cafe Careers: London Belle Epoque for a pastry. tour guides Yep, it’s that good.

BLOG: WHY NEWIE GREEN ROCKS tntmagazine.com/newieg

“There are lots of lovely pubs round here, like The Dissenting Academy and The Edinburgh Cellars. I also like that there’s no Tube. It makes it a bit more exclusive.”

Andrew

Simcock GP, 34

“I live in Hackney Fields, but come here for Belle Epoque. It does the best coffee and croissants. The Peanut Vendor also sells nice early to mid-century furniture.”

N16 INFO Borough

Islington Photos: Wiki commons, Belle Epoque, The Old Queen’s Head

Council Tax

Band B: £748.12 Travel time to London

30 mins 2-bedroom £2492 pcm

1-bedroom £1560 pcm

1-bedroom £1400pcm

This period property has two spacious double bedrooms and two bathroom suites. It’s on a quiet residential road, near Canonbury and Highbury & Islington station.

This tastefully furnished onebedroom has high ceilings and a modern kitchen, and is centrally located between Newington Green and Canonbury.

This warehouse conversion has a large double bedroom and big windows that bring in lots of natural light. It’s eight minutes’ walk from the Tube.

kfh.co.uk

kfh.co.uk

victorstone.co.uk

Tube

Canonbury (Overground) Average room share 1 bed

£650pcm Average rental 1 bed

£1400pcm Average rental 2 bed

£480pcm

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03/05/2013 10:40:59

WORLDVIEW

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Getting jiggy: Chinese Three-striped Box Turtles, known as Golden Coin Turtles, have been bred in an Australian first at Melbourne Zoo. This species is estimated to be all but extinct in the wild, as the result of extensive poaching to supply the illegal wildlife trade

Tough guy: K-Mac

k-Mac brawls with fan on stage at gig Australia

American rapper Kevin McCall, aka K-Mac, got himself embroiled in an onstage brawl with a fan during a gig.

The unseemly incident happened after the musician was booed by people in the crowd during his show in Melbourne.

K-Mac then invited the loudest, most raucous booer onstage to confront him.

“Come up here! Come up here! I’ll beat your ass in front of all these sexy ladies.”

The ensuing brawl was filmed on a mobile phone, and the footage found its way to Channel 7, who rather selfishly hasn’t allowed it to be put up on YouTube.

Damn you, Channel 7! tweets of the week @AngryBritain Anybody else feeling uneasy about their childhood? Who next, Chewbacca? @caitlinmoran I love that England’s big tourism push is the promise of being able to look at a cow @Queen_UK JLS are splitting up.

Girls Aloud already gone. Only One Direction to go and Ladbrokes pay up

It’s too big sings man with 13.5incher UNITED STATES

A man with a record-setting 13.5-inch penis has released a song with the colourful title It’s Too Big. Jonah Falcon has sought to forever solidify his manhood through the age-old art of music.

The 42-year-old American first came to the attention of the public in 1999 on an HBO special about men and their penises. He then crossed the Atlantic when he appeared in a special Channel 4 34

TNT_1549_034 34

programme in the UK called, succinctly, The World’s Biggest Penis.

Lyrics on his new track include: “Too damn big/ It’s just too damn big/ Your penis too damn big, yeah/ It’s too damn big.” If that doesn’t get you to where you need to be, you’re not trying hard enough.

‘anal’ and other banned kids’ names new zealand

It beggars belief this is necessary, but New Zealand officials have had to release a set of banned baby names to prevent parents bestowing names like “Lucifer” and “Mafia No Fear” on their beloved offspring.

The 77 monikers on the list reveal how one child was set to be called “Anal” while

another avoided being known as “.”.

Other names included “4Real”, “V8”, and “Queen Victoria” but more depressing were parents who just wanted to call their new additions “2nd”, “3rd” or “5th”.

The Department of Internal Affairs rules forbid any name that implies a child holds an official title or rank, so “King”, “Duke” and “Princess” were among those turned down the most since 2001.

In 2008, a family court ordered the parents of nine-year-old “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii” to change it because it “makes a fool of the child”.

No shit.

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03/05/2013 10:49:57

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 7.5

Marks, out of 10, the average British woman rates her own sexual confidence, says study.

Men gave themselves 6.1

Height, in metres, of Manhattan’s World Trade Centre as spire makes it tallest building in western hemisphere

Pranksters: Caddy and Smedts

80

AFL DUO’S JOKE ENDS WITH COPS, GUNS

541

Amount, in thousands of pounds worth of food, Kelly Athena, from the US, has scavenged from bins in the past four years

AUSTRALIA

A prank backfired on two Geelong AFL players when they attempted to break into a teammate’s new home wearing balaclavas.

Midfielders Billie Smedts and Josh Caddy were trying to wind up Jackson Thurlow, dressing up as burglars. However, in a major fail, they got the wrong house.

Upon seeing two men on the roof of a nearby property, a neighbour called the police, who arrived with full force and pointed guns at the wacky Cats.

“Me and Billie are both disappointed that we scared people in the community,” Caddy said.

BAR’S ANZAC HITLER PIÑATA ‘INSENSITIVE’

Photos: Getty; AAP

NEW ZEALAND

A bar owner has come under fire from the German embassy after encouraging partygoers to attack a Hitler piñata to win prizes on Anzac Day. The event was advertised on Tauranga’s Bahama Hut Bar’s Facebook page, inviting revellers to destroy the effigy of the Nazi leader to get sweets.“Make sure you’re here around midnight to smash this guy up!!” the page said.

A spokesman for the German embassy in New Zealand questioned the tastefulness and sensitivity of the bar’s decision. “Anzac Day is about thinking of those deceased

TNT_1549_035 35

Number of species of insects addict David Gracer, 47, from the States, has eaten over the past 11 years

Distasteful?: Hitler piñata and hurt in all wars, is that the right way of acknowledging that?” Bar owner Tony Carraway said he would make the Nazi piñata “bigger and better” next year.

OZ ‘KING’ SELLS OFF ROYAL TITLES AUSTRALIA

A man in the Darwin suburb of Coconut Grove has crowned himself the king of Lithuania and is selling off royal titles to raise cash.

King Roman, 71, or “His Imperial Majesty” (once known as Ron Mann) said he discovered his father had been the Grand Duke of Lithuania in 1992.

Once he died, Roman inherited a “large swathe of Eastern Europe” and the right to grant titles. So, for £65, you could be called the Knight of the Order of the Amethyst, which would look amazing on a business card. However, the Department of Immigration is refusing to recognise his new titles. Spoilsports.

5,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK I’m going to have a coffee with my agent Tim Minchin on how he’s going to celebrate being nominated in the Tony Awards for his work on Matilda: The Musical

03/05/2013 10:50:01

TNT doesn’t just stop at the magazine, our sterling website is chock-full of travel features, great deals, competitions and more.

Check out what’s been happening on tntmagazine.com this week...

S R E T S A M WEB

m

s at tntmagazine.co

es and travel tip gs of web-only featur

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TRAVEL ESSENTIALS MY TNT - YOUR TNT

Join in with the debates raging on TNT’s lively opinion pages, and why not start your own myTNT blog and publish your replies to our writers?

GET GREAT LAST MINUTE TRAVEL DEALS ONLINE

Our late deals section is bursting with awesome travel deals from the kind of companies you travel with

CHECK OUT OUR AWESOME TOUR SEARCH TOOL

It’s got hundreds of holidays, tours and trips to destinations all over the world for all budgets

eti tntmagazine.com/yFEATURES FOLLOW-UP

THE UK’S TOP FIVE PLACES TO TRY OUT KITESURFING

Enjoyed this week’s kitesurfing feature? Then why not check out our top five kitesurfing spots online?

tntmagazine.com/kitesurfing

tntmagazine.com/apes

Meet fellow Aussies and Kiwis, blog, enter competitions and share travel tips on our forum

AVOID EXTORTIONATE PINTS: LONDON’S CHEAPEST BEERS

Not a cocktail fan? Then check out these ace London pubs which serve deliciously affordable beer

my.tntmagazine.com

ts

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MAGAZINE.COM TNT_1549_036 36

03/05/2013 17:20:46

TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CAROL DRIVER carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

‘Aving a laugh: Brits abroad

Brits on hols continue to be embarrassment to country

Photos: Getty

Drink themselves into debt, get arrested, don’t know laws abroad

Poms abroad. You’ve got to love ‘em. Don’t you? Well, no, not really. Not only do we have to contend with the image presented overseas by the Magaluf-esque mentality of hairy guts on show (that’s just the girls), full English breakfasts, drinking shots until they’re drowning in their own vomit, and Only Fools And Horses playing in every ‘British’ bar on the strip, but now the full extent of my nation’s behaviour while out of the country has been revealed.

According to the results of a poll released last week, a jaw-droppingly shocking onefifth of Brits abroad have no idea that they should be abiding by the laws of the country they’re visiting. Seriously. And some 55 per cent of those idiots thought British laws applied to them wherever they went in the world, while 22 per cent were dumb enough to believe they were above the law as they were “just visiting” the country. I’d like to see how that defence goes down with the local police.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, 54 per cent of the 1722 people polled by visa website globalvisa.com said their main concern when going abroad was other countries’ laws on alcohol. This goes hand-in-hand with the embarrassing results of a confused.com survey, which found 10 per cent of Brits quizzed had been arrested as a result of their drunken behaviour, while 13 per cent had got so blitzed, they’d been thrown out of their hotel.

When it comes to culture, it’s not high on the agenda of the average Pom’s holiday, according to another study by myvouchercodes.co.uk. Nope, instead, it’s all about the booze. More than half the 1512 over-18s surveyed said they drink every day of a weeklong break, forking out about £300 on cheap cocktails and beers, and getting themselves into debt at the same time.

The most useful information to come out of these surveys was the destinations of choice: Barcelona and Ibiza. So just boycott Spain this year to avoid these cretins. » Agree or disagree? Are Brits abroad a nightmare? letters@tntmagazine.com

UKBA BATTLE CONTINUES The frustrating thing about the UK Border Agency is how long everything takes. That’s been the main gripe from readers stuck in visa hell who’ve signed our UKBA Balls-Up petition – and something I’ve now experienced.

Having submitted questions to the agency about backlog and targets (to find out how long applications are really taking, not the lies printed on its website) more than 40 days ago, I’m yet to receive a response, despite a target of 20 days.

TNT is now joining forces with influential group Migrants’ Rights Network to write a joint letter to the head of the

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UKBA visa targets on its website are lies

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UK Border Agency, asking them to take on board our recommendations for visa service improvement as they reshuffle the agency.

In the meantime, the backlog is still growing – and we still need your support. Make sure you sign our petition (tntmagazine.com/ukba and details on P38) so we can make our voices heard.

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‘Dirtiest little secret’ A new film shines a light on the treatment of Aboriginals in Australia WORDS CAROL DRIVER

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Instead, the reality is “an insidious genocide that divided and emasculated the indigenous nations”.

Pilger checks into Rottnest Lodge, which has a spa and double bunks for kids. It was once a prison, known as The Quod where 167 Aboriginals were locked in 28 tiny cells.

Tourists sunbathe where gallows once stood, and visitors are encouraged to follow the Vincent Way Heritage Trail.

It’s named after the “psychopath” who ran the Quod, Henry Vincent, “who liked to whip prisoners and murdered two of them”. None of the guests Pilger spoke to had a clue.

This isn’t behaviour that’s confined to the past, lessons

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This is our story, says the slogan. It isn’t

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learned – mistakes are being repeated today. And not just in WA. Figures published last year by VicHealth who surveyed 755 Aboriginals in Victoria revealed 97 per cent had been targets of verbal or physical abuse in the previous 12 months.

Up to 70 per cent had been targets of eight or more racist incidents; 67 per cent had been spat at; and 66 per cent had been told they did not belong.

Two weeks ago in Sydney, police shot two indigenous teenagers who had stolen a car, hitting a bystander in a crowded footpath. It sparked race tensions across the city, with protesters accusing the police of racism. An internal police investigation is currently underway.

Campaigners are citing crisis point in WA, with thousands of Aboriginals drinking themselves to death, living in squalor while workers on six-figure salaries help drive the boom.

Bob Neville, chairman of the Pilbara Association of NonGovernment Organisations, said WA was “in the middle of

Photos: Getty

“You Aboriginal people, you don’t exist in this country.

You should go.” These are the words of abuse hurled by a passenger at a group of actors forced to take a tram in Melbourne last week after being ignored by cabbies. Four taxi drivers had refused to pick up Jada Alberts and her three colleagues as they waited outside the Malthouse Theatre after rehearsing for an upcoming indigenous production of Shakespeare’s King Lear. “For those things to happen within a space of 24 hours was just heartbreaking for all of us to have to deal with,” Alberts said.

It’s the latest in a string of racist incidents on public transport in the city, and not the first time taxi drivers have refused to take Aboriginal customers. In December last year, Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu was also blanked by cabbies while there on tour. The blind indigenous singer’s manager Mark Grose said the artist had been refused cabs elsewhere in Australia and it was common for black performers.

It’s the type of behaviour that has spurred John Pilger to be fiercely critical about the treatment of the indigenous population in Australia. The award-winning TV journalist, who has lived in Britain since 1962, is now shining a light on the topic in his latest film Utopia, due for broadcast in the UK on ITV in September before its worldwide release.

For it, Pilger flew to Western Australia, to Rottnest Island, home to the world’s biggest resources boom where profits are in the multiple billions, and in stark contrast “barely a fraction of mining, oil and gas revenue has benefited Aboriginal communities, whose poverty is an enduring shock”, Pilger says.

In the film, the 73-year-old compares how WA’s “premier tourist destination” is promoted to visitors, with the truth of its harrowing history. “At airports, arriving passengers are greeted by banners with smiling Aboriginal faces in hard hats, promoting the plunderers of their land. ‘This is our story’ says the slogan. It isn’t,” he writes on his website.

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For more than ten weeks, TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine.com/ukba. Six weeks ago it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas.

In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same.

Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that: CAMPAIG NTTCAMPAIGNN • TN • TT •• T

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition.

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the biggest resources boom we’ve ever seen, and locals have nothing to show for it”. He called for an inquiry, telling Perth Now: “Every night they’re sleeping in the dirt on [mining magnate] Gina Rinehart’s doorstep. They’re dying from alcohol, drugs, poor nutrition and suicide.”

Pilger says Aboriginal incarcerations have more than doubled in WA during the resources boom. In his film, he highlights the case of an elder known as Mr Ward, arrested for drink-driving. In 50˚C heat, he was driven more than 300 miles in a prison van run by the British security company GSL. “Mr Ward cooked to death, his stomach burned raw where he had collapsed on the van’s scorching floor ... The Department of Public Prosecutions refused to take action, saying there was ‘no evidence’. This is not unusual.”

About 60 per cent of WA’s young prisoners are indigenous – five times the rate of imprisonment for black people during apartheid in South Africa. Former prisons minister Margaret Quirk said the state was “racking and stacking” black Australians. Richard Harding, former Inspector of Custodial Services, declared WA a “state of imprisonment”.

The reason, according to Dennis Eggington, CEO of the Aboriginal Legal Service of WA, is that Aboriginal children are being locked up for minor crimes. They’re “being scooped up and poured into the justice system through this big hole that’s getting worse and worse”, he told Kimberley Mornings.

“Attempting to steal an ice-cream, stealing 10 hamburger buns ... all these sorts of crimes that don’t deserve young kids to be held in police custody, the court, then locked up.”

And not enough is being done to resolve these problems, says Pilger, adding: “More than any colonial society, Australia consigns its dirtiest secrets, past and present, to a wilful ignorance or indifference.”

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Clockwise: John Pilger; Jada Alberts (second from right); an Aboriginal woman sits on the ground

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No bravado, no “brace yourselves”, no world record promises – just a comfortable win in the Australian National Championships for James Magnussen, 22, “The Missile” who misfired at the London Olympics. After taking time out of the pool, he looks up at the clock but has to be told he’d finished the 100m in 47.53 seconds, the exact same time he swam to win a disappointing silver at the Olympics

london el classico with bouncier ball basketball

We thought Wembley could’ve hosted an El Classico in the Champions League before both sides fell to Germany’s finest last week. But Barca and Real still do battle in London this month.

The O2 hosts basketball’s 2013 Turkish Airlines Euroleague final four on Friday between last year’s champions and runnersup Olympiacos Piraeus (Greece) and CSKA Moscow (Russia), then Real Madrid and FC Barcelona Regal. The winners play in Sunday’s final also at The O2.

sarries and tigers tourers host finals Rugby union

Nine of England’s the 10 British and Irish Lions who will tour Australia line up for Premiership Rugby’s top sides, Saracens and Leicester, as they host semi-finals this Saturday and Sunday.

Their opponents were decided on Saturday by Harlequins and Northampton Saints, the loser going to Sarries’ Allianz 40

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Stadium and the winner to the Tigers’ lair.

Sarries’ three Lions are Matt Stevens, Mako Vunipola and Owen Farrell. Tigers have the most of any club with Dan Cole, Tom Youngs, Tom Croft, Ben Youngs, Manu Tuilagi and Geoff Parling.

Tigers boss Richard Cockeril said their selection was a “great day for the club”.

“A lot of people have put a lot of work into those guys and five of our six Lions have come through our Academy,” he said.

Semis will air live at 3pm on ESPN and Sky Sports respectively.

lions and more to roar at twickenham rugby sevens

Rugby’s short form is serious business now with a World Cup this year, Commonwealth Games next year and an Olympic debut in 2016. But that hasn’t opened the door for the fun police.

This weekend’s London Sevens, the finale of the HSBC World Series, follows last year’s ‘Seventies Disco’ vibe with a ‘Safari’ theme. More than 100,000 punters are expected at Twickenham. Visit rfu.com.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Rejected by the Australia-touring British and Irish Lions, England skipper Chris Robshaw will have plenty to prove in this weekend’s Premiership Rugby semi-final.

The Harlequins flanker will lead his side onto the park against Saracens or Leicester on Saturday or Sunday after Warren Gatland’s selection panel decided he and all of his teammates were surplus to requirements.

Quins prop Joe Marler, also a noted omission, backed his on-field leader to bounce back: “Knowing the character he is, he won’t rest on his laurels.

He’ll come in and work even harder if that is at all possible.”

Quins will be playing for a shot at defending their title in the final at Twickenham on May 25.

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03/05/2013 10:53:05

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I’m a 34-year-old NBA centre. I’m black. And I’m gay With these words, free agent Jason Collins became the first active NBA player to come out

Spearhead: Arouna Kone will need to fire for Wigan

PREVIEW LATICS CUP AND EURO CHAMPIONSHIPS? FA CUP FINAL: WIGAN V MANCHESTER CITY SAT, 8AM, ESPN

When ESPN was planning to show eight-plus hours of “live all-day build-up” to the 132nd edition of the world’s oldest knockout competition, it wouldn’t have expected this match-up.

The defending champions, Manchester City, beaten all ends up by United over the regular season and flops in Europe, have one last shot at silverware for the year.

Wigan Athletic, an at times majestic passing team under Roberto Martinez but

not often or effective enough, are odds on to be the highest scoring team to be relegated along with QPR and Reading.

What should be a special day for Wigan, in their first FA Cup final, is a bit of a burden as they battle to stay in the Premier League. Even more bizarrely, regardless of the result on Saturday, Wigan will be playing in the Europa League next year, in the spot reserved for the FA Cup winner (City’s second place qualifies them for the top-tier Champions League). So if the Latics go down, they could have the rare honour of being Championships of Europe.

THE CHAT | Naughty Mitch Marsh returns

When I get called names like ‘Coward’ it doesn’t sit well. I have to tackle guys like Sonny Bill Williams and Sam Burgess St George Dragons halfback Jamie Soward is a love him, hate him or give him a rhyming nickname type

I know in England I am loved. I know I am loved by some clubs, especially one Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho hints at a departure from the Bernabeu this summer and perhaps a job back in the Premier League at Chelsea. Current Blues boss Rafa Benitez refuses to talk about his possible replacement

TV HIGHLIGHTS AFL

Photos: Getty

Geelong v Essendon Was Australia right to give all-rounder Q Mitchell Marsh a shot at redemption at the Champions Trophy in the UK from June 6 to 23?

The talented West Australian was included in the A Aussie side announced last week despite an eventful 12 months in which he was sent home from Brisbane’s Centre of Excellence for being “unfit to train” and reprimanded in South Africa by the Perth Scorchers – both for unauthorised nights out. Guess it shows how selectors weigh up form and seriousness of offence. Marsh, a star for Pune in the IPL, averaged almost 70 last year in one-dayers for Western Australia, including an unbeaten 104. John Inverarity said he hoped Marsh will “fulfill the faith we’ve had in him”.

Cats take on the Bombers at Etihad Fri, 10.30am, ESPN

FOOTBALL Chelsea v Tottenham Race for the Champions League Wed, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY LEAGUE Manly Sea Eagles v Syd Roosters Redemption: Mitch Marsh

Sydney’s silverspoon sides are flying Mon (May 13), 10am, Premier Sports

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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03/05/2013 10:53:09

Starting over Chris Tremlett is back from injury, again, doing the hard yards for Surrey in hope of a return to the Ashes stage WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Short and sweet aren’t words you’d usually associate with Chris Tremlett, 31, the Surrey quick whose measurements could be mistaken for a door frame and who, while he seems a perfectly amiable bloke when TNT catches him after training at Kia Oval last week, would have no qualms about knocking your block off with a six-stitcher. But that’s the sad fact about the 6’ 7” paceman’s Test career to date – due to an unlucky run of injuries it stands at a short 11 matches for a sweet 49 wickets.

Such an impressive return at the game’s pinnacle makes his lack of appearances more tragic. But now he’s back at full fitness, charging in for Surrey, part of a 30-man ‘performance squad’ lined up for England action this summer. And while the New Zealand Tests are too soon, he’ll be a massive chance to take part in the Ashes.

“It’s nice to be back playing at this stage,” says Tremlett, who’s been kept out of action by back problems and a knee injury which required surgery. “I’m working hard. I pulled up well from my first proper game in a while, got through 30 overs feeling pretty good. I’m running at 100 per cent and gaining rhythm and confidence each time I play. If I keep going in this direction, I’d like to have my hat in the ring for the Ashes when they come around.”

This won’t be music to Australia’s ears. While Tremlett impressed enough on debut in 2007, replacing injured Matthew Hoggard ably against India, he etched himself into the memory of Aussies on the 2010 Ashes tour. When he got a run in the third Test in pace-friendly Perth, his acute trajectory was an issue for the Aussies as he took 3-63 and 5-87.

“The times I’ve played for England, unfortunately not as often as I’d like due to a lot of injuries, but when I’ve played I’ve never doubted my ability,” he says. No one doubts why.

In the following Boxing Day Test in Melbourne, Tremlett tore Ricky Ponting’s side – and the skipper himself – apart.

He took 4-26 (James Anderson also claimed four scalps) to roll Australia for 98. He then took the Test’s final wicket as 42

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England embarrassed the hosts by an innings and 157 runs. He calls that “probably the most memorable Test I’ve played in”.

“It’s about building back up to that level again now,” he says. “Even though I’m back, I’m still off the pace so it’s about building up momentum and confidence. If I’m taking wickets, my name’s in the hat and maybe I’ll get picked again.”

In theory, it’s all a fairytale in the making, but Tremlett has come back from injury before and knows the realities

“

If I work hard, my name will be in the hat

”

of being not just a fast bowler, but a sizeable one. The fact remains he hasn’t played a Test since January 2012.

“Injuries are part and parcel of what we do,” he admits.

“If you look at some of the bigger guys, [Andrew] Flintoff etc. have all had injury problems. Some guys get it more than others, unfortunately I’ve had my fair share. It’s what happens when you weigh over 100kg, which I do, and are running in trying to bowl every ball as fast as you can.

“I’ve worked a bit harder on my fitness over the past few years, so am giving myself the best chance to avoid injury.

It’s taken a lot of hard work to get back after some major injuries but hopefully that hard work will pay off.”

He knows exactly what Australia’s injury-plagued young quicks who can’t stay on the park must be going through.

“It’s tough for them,” he sympathises. “They play on very hard wickets and certainly when you’re younger your body is still getting into it and growing, so that’s hard to combat.”

While many have been quick to discount the Australians and their chances against England, Tremlett isn’t so sure.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

03/05/2013 10:20:30

Out: Ponting’s prized Ashes wicket in 2010

Back in action: Tremlett charges in for Surrey

Photos: Getty

“England struggled in India for years but really worked on it and got the reward,” he says. “Australia got comprehensively beaten, but that can happen in those conditions. I wouldn’t take much from it with their new-look squad. Coming to England [there] will be conditions that suit them more. They’re still a force to be reckoned with.”

In saying that, though, Tremlett doesn’t see cause for concern for England, who failed to win a Test against eighth-ranked New Zealand. “They were playing on some pretty flat wickets there, so a lot of hard work,” he says. The Tests starting May 16 against the Black Caps at Lord’s and Headingley will be a better gauge.

For now though, Tremlett’s focused on bowling well for Surrey. His journey back to the Test arena continues this week with a feast of action at the Oval including Yorkshire Bank 40 matches on Monday against Hampshire and Thursday against Durham, then a LV County Championship four-dayer with Durham from Friday. Surrey will be careful not to overwork the big man too soon, though, and his most prominent role will likely be with a red rather than the white one-day ball.

And while he cuts an imposing figure, he won’t have the pressure of being the crowds’ sole focus of attention with South African captain Graeme Smith leading the side. Then, in June, when Smith’s on international duty, his replacement will be Ricky Ponting, “a legend of the game”, says Tremlett.

“To have Graeme, what he’s achieved and brought to the club already is outstanding,” he says. “Then, Ricky coming in June is pretty special too. We can learn a lot from them both.

“I’ve got great memories of getting him out in 2010 but it’ll be nice to have him in the slips taking catches for me.”

Tremlett’s now all about making new memories.

Surrey matches at Kia Oval this week. Y Bank 40: May 6, Hampshire; May 9, Durham. £15-20. LV CC: May 9-13, Durham. £10-12.

SE11 5SS kiaoval.com Oval

Big slog: back to his mark with some advice from Gareth Batty

Target England: Kane Williamson

black caps in england ‘It’s not an ashes warm-up’ Were their recent drawn Test series a boxing match, a fair judge would have given it to New Zealand on points, yet they still had to impress that their two-Test series in England is more than an Ashes warm-up.

“These are two hugely important Test matches for us,” Black Caps head coach Mike Hesson told media.

“We’re making progress as a Test side and certainly won’t like to be the entrée for the main course.”

His side, awaiting the arrival of captain Brendan McCullum and Ross Taylor from the IPL, are ranked only above Bangladesh in Test nations, but their draw with England shows they can match it with anyone.

Batsman Kane Williamson added: “We’ve got nothing to do with the Ashes. We haven’t looked at it in any way.

We’re targeting our preparation [for] the first Test.”

England v New Zealand: May 16-20, Lord’s, London tickets.lords.org May 24-28, Headingly-Carnegie, Leeds yorkshirecc.com

tntMagazine.com

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03/05/2013 10:20:38

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Obvious choice: Gatland’s Lions have a historic precedent to overturn

The Lions will roar loud and strong, then lose series 2-1 The hype rarely out-voices the inevitability of the GB and Irish side

» Agree or disagree? Should Deans’ Australia defeat the Lions? letters@tntmagazine.com 44

TNT_1549_044 44

You probably have a preference between Real Madrid and Barcelona, football’s two richest clubs – for me, it’s Barca for making tiki-taka effective.

And ‘cos Cristiano Ronaldo shits me.

But after Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund sent them packing last week to set up an all-German Champions League final (Wembley, May 25), a new decision has to be made.

Jorgen Klopp’s underdogs Dortmund or the fourth richest club Bayern (behind Manchester United)? Dortmund is built on youth, while Bayern can buy anyone they want. Sadly for Dortmund, who Bayern

“

Bayern can buy anyone they want

”

want plays for Dortmund. Mario Götze will jump in the summer, with hot striker, Robert Lewandowski, also tipped to follow.

It’s hard not to sympathise with a team that lost two of the last three Champions League finals, but Bayern’s focus on their rivals’ manpower comes across as bullying.

I’m in The Black Yellows camp.

Photos: Getty

The British and Irish Lions have their best chance of actually winning a tour when they go to Australia in June, with the Wallabies in what some would call a “rebuilding phase” or what others would call “a shambles”.

But Warren Gatland’s side announced last week, the best England, Ireland, Scotland and mostly Wales has to offer, will hardly strike fear into Robbie Deans.

The competitiveness of the Six Nations, from day one’s tight finishes to the final day thrashing of England by Wales, creates the illusion that these are great players – but if they were that at least one nation would be ranked in the world top three.

The Lions squad is a good one, an obvious one mostly. But there are few positions that will worry Deans. There’s no X-factor, though Welsh prop Adam Jones is a monster and will take some handling. A problem for the Aussies would have been if they picked Jonny Wilkinson had he made himself available, if only for the psychological impact of his World Cup exploits, but also for his top form for Toulon. And with a series almost certain to be decided up front, a reliable kicker would be handy. But still, it’s an evenly poised series.

Australia’s best players are either injured or on the way back from one, or in the naughty corner or on the way back from it. And Wallabies coach Robbie Deans is still under all sorts of pressure to show he hasn’t turned the two-time World Cup winners into a rabble. Intimidating they are not.

Gatland has a Team GB supergroup, with both squads jostling for underdog status, and if history is anything to go on, the Lions have the edge there. To not lose 2-1 – the score of all tours of the professional era – is his challenge. If Gatland can turn it around anywhere, it’ll be Oz, right now. He rightly picked a stack of his England-thrashing Wales side with confidence and combinations that work. That’s golden when bringing together a team at short notice. But Deans really should win this series, and well.

BAYERN: BRILLIANT BUT BULLIES

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

03/05/2013 10:56:56

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03/05/2013 11:52:48

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

UP THE GARDEN PATH People dressed in Heian period kimonos write poetry during the Kamo Kyokusui No En Ancient Festival at Jonan-gu shrine in Kyoto, Japan.

Photos: Getty, James Boulding, Rene Seindal

INSIDE

BLOWN AWAY /50

PADDLE POWER /56

VAN TOUR EUROPE /60

Who needs speedboats in Camber Sands when you can glide over the waves using just a kite, and some serious winds?

A gondola is fine for lovers, but if you really want to see the canals of Venice in all their glory, do it in your own kayak.

Summer doesn’t get much more epic than a tour through Europe with your mates – journey veterans give us the inside scoop.

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03/05/2013 11:05:02

TRAVELDIARY

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Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

TRAVEL VS TERRORISM I’d really love to hate Richard Branson – endlessly self-promoting tycoons aren’t really my bag. But in spite of the grating zaniness, I have to admit, last week his comments about the OTT terror warnings delivered by the Foreign Office were spot on.

The FCO delivers a stream of advice to travellers, briefing them on volatile situations and potential safety risks while abroad. It’s helpful of course, but the issue is that what should essentially be just an information source has quasi-legal status – its warnings automatically invalidate most travel insurance and force tour operators to cancel trips.

Each time the FCO errs on the side of caution after a terrorist attack, they do long-lasting damage to the affected regions’ tourism industry.

Essentially, they add unemployment and poverty to the plates of those who have already taken a hit.

In The Independent, Sir Richard wrote that zealous warnings of the risk of attack “are exactly what the terrorists want,” adding: “The right thing is for every country to not put out advisories against nations that suffer terrorist attacks, but instead continue to aid them, through tourism and trade… Getting on with life is the best way to show terrorists they will not win.”

I wanted to punch my fist in the air when I read that. Go Sir Richard!

London would be in dire straits right now if no one visited us because of our many, many problems: knife crime, riots, generic sandwich chains (just kidding about the last one – not really, though). There are always countless risks to travelling, and blacklisting places when they most need trade just supports the terrorists’ aim to hurt them.

tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

COOPER’S HILL CHEESE ROLLING England How far would you go to become the big cheese? Thousands of people who are mad about dairy gather at the top of Cooper’s Hill in 28 Brockworth each year to chase a seven-pound wheel of double gloucester cheese down a very steep incline. The first to snatch the milky, mud-covered block gets to keep it and be covered in cheesy glory … and mud.

MAY

WHY: The eccentric event has been running for 200 years, with a few setbacks. During World War Two rationing, a wooden block was used, but by all accounts it wasn’t as much fun. In 2011, official sponsorship stopped due to the number of injuries so passionate locals organise it themselves.

ROMERA DEL ROCIO Spain

Dubbed the “Spanish Glastonbury” for its 20 celebratory atmosphere, this festival-cum-pilgrimage honours a legendary effigy of the Virgin Mary.

One million people take part in the procession to the small church where the statue usually stands and it’s then carried around Rocio before being safely returned to its usual perch.

MAY

andalucia.org

WATER MUSIC FEST

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cheese-rolling.co.uk

INDIANAPOLIS 500

US

Each year, more than 250,000 grease monkeys 26 gather for one of the world’s most prestigious auto races.

A huge event, it’s one for purists, with the course a repetitive 200 laps around an ovalish track. To make things more exciting, stop at one of the speedway’s 29 Bloody Mary bars.

MAY

indianapolismotorspeedway.com

WHITE NIGHTS FEST

Russia

Ireland

The sun doesn’t set in St Petersburg during the 24-14 summer months, so the city brings its own stars out at night for this arts fest. Check out the Mariinksy Theatre’s operas and ballets.

MAY-JUL

The week-long Carrick-onShannon Water Music 24-30 Festival in the riverside town of Leitrim is a series of top-notch classical, jazz and rock concerts.

JUNE

carrickonshannonwatermusic.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: Anyone can join in the festivities and, if you fancy it, there are races to the top of the hill in between each of the five cheese rolls too. Feeling a bit anxious?

Stop in at the nearby Cheese Rollers pub for a little Dutch (Edam) courage. Arf arf.

saint-petersburg.com

Photo: Getty

Do warnings help or hurt? Write in and

Camembert it? You’ll either be de brie or have a gouda time

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03/05/2013 11:15:27

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gallipoli ballot The iconic Aussie and Kiwi pilgrimage to Gallipoli, Turkey, is being streamlined for the Anzac Centenary celebrations in 2015 with places at the commemorative site being limited to 10,500 after an agreement was made with the Turkish government. Places will be allocated through a ballot in early 2014 after a period of consultation with the Aussie and NZ governments. Keep an eye on gallipoli2015.dva.gov.au for details. If you plan on going as part of a tour group, make sure you ask the operator how they’re accommodating the ballot arrangement. The decision was made after there were mounting concerns about the safety of having so many people in a relatively small heritage site. The anniversary marks 100 years since the Anzacs’ landing on the shore at Gallipoli in 1915.

air staff dress up Chinese budget carrier Spring Airlines has got a lot of people hot under the collar with its plans to have flight attendants dress up as maids and butlers. The new outfits are rather risque and include stiletto heels and short skirts, but customer feedback so far has not been all positive. Bloggers said the airline would do better to make sure its flights left on time, rather than dressing staff up in saucy uniforms. “The airline should respect their crew members because flight attendants are still quite different from maids and butlers,” wrote one.

space flight Virgin Galactic’s rocket plane, SpaceShipTwo, made its first test flight over the Mojave Desert last week, successfully breaking the sound barrier. The flight, which took off from Spaceport America, brought Sir Richard Branson’s space travel project one step closer to being a reality.

The first passengers, including Sir Richard himself, plan to travel before the end of the year.

“Today’s supersonic success opens the way for a rapid expansion of the spaceship’s powered flight envelope, with a very realistic goal of full space flight by the year’s end,” Branson said.

drinking ban Beaches in Goa, once a haven for smashed tourists, are to become alcohol-free zones.

Indian authorities have taken the step to prevent littering, after reports of injuries caused by broken bottles on the sands. Officials have also said they hope the new measures will go some way towards preventing ‘eve teasing’ or the harrassment of women in light of the spate of recent rape cases in the country. Booze will still be freely available from beach shacks and restaurants, but customers will not be allowed to take their drinks away from those premises.

DEEP SCOTTISH LOVE WE DON’T NEED TO SAY ANYTHING. OUR CUSTOMERS SPEAK FOR US “I booked the 5 day Highland fling, and adored every second of it.

The sights were fantastic. I loved it, and would do it again on a heartbeat.”

5 Day Highland Fling, 8 April - Alex Gordon, USA

NEWS & VIEWS /HAGGiSADVENTURES

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[Caption] Carried away: kitesurfing in Camber Sands

Camber Sands england

eat, drink, SLEEP england

london

CAMBER SANDS

GETTING THERE Take the train from St Pancras International to Rye, changing at Ashford, with Southeastern Railways and Southern Railways from £11 return. southeasternrailway.co.uk; southernrailway.com

Nothing can top the fish pie at the Gallivant Hotel’s Beach Bistro – it’s stuffed with salmon and mushy peas, among other goodies. The other hearty grub’s great here, too. Mains from £10.50. beachbistro.com Opposite Camber Sands’ dunes, Green Owl offers a decent menu of homemade pies and lasagne, or for something lighter, you can pick up a sandwich.

From £4.95. thegreenowl.co.uk Sit out on the sunny terrace with a pint of Sussex real ale at the 15th-century Ye Old Bell Inn in Rye. Pints approx £3. yeoldebellrye.co.uk

Beach bliss: peaceful dunes, and (above) the power kite set-up

Grab a cheeky lunchtime beer or wine at the casual, beachy Rye Bay Cafe after you’ve walked the dunes or kitesurfed the waves. Drinks from £3. ryebaycafe.net

Coastal cool is the name of the game at The Gallivant.

Rooms have lovely beach-themed touches (furnishings looks like they’ve been washed to shore), the service is warm and atmosphere is relaxed. Rooms from £145pn. thegallivanthotel.com

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For four-poster beds and quirky 15th-century decor, try The Mermaid Inn. Rooms from £90pn. mermaidinn.com

tntMagazine.com

03/05/2013 10:10:48

UKTRIP

Blown away Who needs speedboats in Camber Sands when you can glide over the waves using just a kite?

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; The Kitesurf Centre; James Boulding

WORDS HELEN ELFER

“I’ve seen people carried off this beach in ambulances,” announces our instructor Clive Marriner. “When your kite’s in the air, the strings get very taut, and can slice through your fingers if you tug on them. And if it gets round your neck...” He trails off ominously.

In my imagination, the beautiful, wind-swept beach of Camber Sands in East Sussex is instantly transformed into a blood-soaked Game Of Thrones-esque scene, with the severed heads of would-be kitesurfers bouncing crazily down to the sea. And I haven’t even unpacked my training kite yet.

I’m here with a group of beginners to learn the basics of kitesurfing. This is, as Clive has made abundantly clear, an extreme sport. It depends on harnessing the power of the wind to swoop you over the surface of the sea – like wakeboarding, but using nothing more than a humble flap of fabric instead of a speedboat.

Today is one of the first bright, sunny days of the year, the coastal air smells spring-fresh and to get to the beach I’ve driven past Rye’s green fields, full of gambolling newborn lambs – it’s bucolic bliss. Here on the beach, even the rough tufts of marram grass growing out of the sand, and the murky, grey-brown waves of the English Channel look inviting with the sun sparkling on them.

Clive tells us the coast juts out to the southeast, so whatever direction the wind blows in from, there’s a beach nearby where you’ll be able to catch it – hence why it’s such a hotspot for kitesurfers.

Within a few minutes my kite and this famous breeze are wrestling furiously with each other above my head and, to be honest, my poor kite is taking a bit of a pasting. One minute it’s floating calmly over my head, or dancing in a swooshy figure of eight, the next minute the strings are painfully twisted and it’s crumpled in a heap on the sand.

This is tricky. But Clive stands by shouting advice, and soon I pick up the knack of gently steering the bar to keep the kite where I want it. Stage one, nailed.

After lunch, our group drives over to the Greatstone Beach for stage two, which involves actually getting in the sea. Gulp. The temperature has dropped significantly and the waves look absolutely freezing. So I pour myself into not just one but two spring wetsuits, one on top of the other and layer up a buoyancy aid, windbreaker jacket and helmet

on top. I might look daft, waddling over the pebbles like a plumped-up penguin, but I don’t care – this get-up makes me feel like a superhero, and I’m itching to get in the sea.

First though, we have to set up the power kites, which are serious pieces of equipment. Over three times the size of the trainer kites we’d practiced on earlier, setting one up involves pumping air into the inflatable tubes that run across it, and knotting endless strings to various corners. Finally done, we charge into the waves, doing our best to avoid the experienced freestylers who are making the most of the bright, windy conditions. I watch enviously as one guy leaps

“

The wind is giving my kite a real pasting

”

into the air, and glides, airbourne for several seconds, before landing gracefully back on the surface of the water.

Our group concedes we’re not quite ready for that yet, so we’re going to give body-dragging a whirl instead – same sport, sans board and, thankfully, with far less skill required.

After numerous false starts (it’s staggering how strong the pull is on these bigger kites in just a slight gust) I finally get mine up in the air and under some semblance of control.

I slowly sink to my knees underwater, and keeping the kite in the sweet spot where it’s catching the most wind, I let it pull me forward onto my front. Next thing I know, I’m coasting through the waves with no effort at all. Forget that ambulance, I feel like if the wind picked up just a notch, all I’d need is this kite to carry me right off the beach.

Maybe next time.

A kitesurfing break is £164.50pp with one night stay at The Gallivant, Rye, including breakfast, dinner and one-day kitesurfing course. thegallivanthotel.com thekitesurfcentre.com

TOP UK KITESURFING SPOTS

NEXT WEEK Zip it up: A flight on Snowdonia’s mile-long zipwire

tntmagazine.com/kitesurfing TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LATEDEALS

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Eight days in Kenya and Tanzania costs £344pp with Intrepid Travel

DEAL OF THE WEEK Majorca break

£215

A seven-night stay with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 1041000). Includes three-star, all-inclusive accommodation at Hotel Blue Sea La Pinta. Departs from London Luton on May 15.

< £250

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turkey A seven-night stay in Ortakent costs £299pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Deal includes direct return flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Moonstar Hotel. Departs from London Gatwick on June 24. kenya and tanzania An eight-day Serengeti Trail tour costs £344pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com).

Includes camping accommodation, several game drives, excursions and local tour leader. Excludes flights and approx £300 kitty for meals. Departs from Nairobi May 25, book by May 20.

Turkey A seven-night stay costs £294pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 104 1000). Includes four-star, self-catering accommodation at the Sebnem Apartments in Marmaris. Departs from London Gatwick on June 25.

> £500 Marrakech A five-night stay costs £770pp with Lawrence of Morocco (0207 1836401; lawrenceofmorocco.com). Includes direct return flights from a London airport and B&B accommodation at Les Deux Tours hotel. Valid for travel throughout May. Sri lanka A seven-night stay costs £869pp with Bridge The World (bridgetheworld.com; 0800 988 6884). Deal includes flights from a London airport and four-star, B&B accommodation at Jetwing Beach hotel. Valid for travel between May 1 and June 10.

Los Angeles A four-night holiday costs £799pp (save £100) with Funway Holidays (0844 557 0770; funwayholidays.co.uk).

Includes direct return flights, four-star accommodation at the Millennium Biltmore. Departs from London Heathrow on May 23.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

Money transfers Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

Transfer fees from £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

Exchange rates* Australian dollar 1.49 New Zealand dollar 1.81 South African rand 13.3 Polish złoty 4.8 Euro 1.17 US dollar 1.55 Canadian dollar 1.59 Hong Kong dollar 11.7 Swedish krona 9.8 Swiss franc 1.41 Singapore dollar 1.88 Why use tntforex?

n Great rates n No hidden bank fees n Faster transactions n Easy-to-use online systems n Safe, secure and fully compliant

n Unrivalled customer service * Transfer rates are as of April 30.

Please note that these are mid market rates in relation to GBP

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Africa A 10-day South Africa tour costs £165pp (save 50 per cent) with Absolute Africa (0208 742 0226; absoluteafrica.com).

Includes various accommodation, some meals, entrance and game drives in Addo Elephant National Park, Cape Agulhas, Cango Caves. Excludes flights, local payment and optional activities.

Departs on May 31. Book by May 24.

Copenhagen A two-night stay costs £157pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 104 1000). Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Absalon Hotel. Departs from London Gatwick on May 28. scotland A three-day trip costs £119 for two people with Haggis Adventures (0131 5579393; haggisadventures.com). Includes bus transport and visits to Loch Ness, Eilean Donan Castle and more. Excludes flights. Departs on May 13 and 15. budapest A two-night stay costs £124pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116 271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Marmara hotel.

Departs London Stansted on May 28.

Amsterdam A two-night stay is £133pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116 271). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation at the Nieuw Slotania hotel. Departs from London Southend on May 28.

£250 – £500

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03/05/2013 11:09:42

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HOTSHOTS

PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

WINNER

3-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND + PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

WIN

Email your images to hotshots@tntmultimedia.com First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

WINNER

RUNNER-UP

COLOSSEUM AT SUNSET Kathryn Crowley, Queensland, Australia

DUBAI FESTIVAL CITY Ruwini Ariyasinghe, Sri Lanka

WHY IT WORKS Few historical sights in Europe are more frequently photographed than the Colosseum, but so often the lens is trained on the scale of the Roman behemoth.

Kathryn thought she’d get up close and personal at sunset. “I wanted to see if I could capture the sunlight shining through the arches,” she tells us. “Most shots are taken at a wide angle but I thought it was more eye catching to snap from the ground up, and I think you feel more in awe of it from this angle.” Despite the close up, Kathryn still captures the great scale and age of the 80AD structure in each weathered blemish.

WHY IT WORKS The dichotomy of Dubai is highlighted in this image from Ruwini of the residential, business and entertainment complex, Dubai Festival City, the Middle East’s largest mixed-use development. Yet here it’s positively serene with the lights illuminating as the sun goes down. “The inspiration was of course the beautiful scenery before the sunset,” Ruwini tells us. Of course.

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

WIN

Going away somewhere soon?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

TIMES SQUARE, NEW YORK, US Angela Lukacs, from Hungary

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TOP FIVE

1

bizarre food fests

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@tntmagazine

Spam jam, Hawaii

Usually food festivals are rather sophisticated affairs, dedicated to gourmet delights – for example, white truffle dishes of Italy or pairing the finest cheese with wines in France. Very nice, very cultured. But sometimes, food appreciation takes a different, even – dare we say – more “lowbrow” form. Enter Hawaii’s truly unique Spam Jam festival.

In the spiritual home of the longlasting canned meat, the residents of Waikiki, Honolulu, celebrate that special blend of chopped pork shoulder, ham, salt and gelatinous stuff like it’s going out of fashion.

You can forget garlands of flowers, tiki torches and hula dancing, this most bizarre of foodie festivals is dedicated to industrial quantities of the meat so popular here’s it’s called “The Hawaiian Steak.” Hawaii’s residents are so attached to Spam they consume seven million cans of the stuff each year. In fact, Spam is even sold in Hawaiian Burger King restaurants.

So the annual Spam Jam festival, which took place on Kalakaua Avenue 54 00

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last week, is an homage to all things squidgy meat-related.

More than 25,000 Spam fans turn up to this ham fiesta each year and gather, mostly, to eat the stuff. Oh, and get their pictures taken with people dressed up in giant furry Spam can costumes. When you’ve had your fill, there’s plenty more entertainment on offer, including live music and dance performances on the two main stages, plus all the Spam merchandise you can possibly imagine.

Throughout the festival there are even booths set up by volunteers to help collect donations of Spam for the Hawaii Food Bank.

Local restaurants get involved, too, offering their own special twists on how to make the processed meat taste its best, such as ‘volcano Spam nachos’ and ‘Spam lettuce wraps’. Mmm, Spam.

For Spam fans, line up a Hawaiian holiday for Spam Jam 2014 on April 26. spamjamhawaii.com

MORE WORLD’S WEIRDEST FOOD tntmagazine.com/weird-grub

tntMagazine.com

03/05/2013 10:33:28

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2

Ballcup, SErbia

Testicles, and a lot of them. Boiled, stewed, mashed, fried, any way you want them.

At the three-day World Testical Cooking Championship in Serbia, between August 30 and September 1, there’s a camp for spectators and another for competitors. Recipes are shared, tested and on the final night there’s a grand feast prepared by the winning team. Not recommended for vegetarians … or the squeamish. ballcup.com

Photos: Getty; Wikicommons

4

Giant omelette, france

Legend has it Napoleon once visited the town of Bessières and enjoyed an omelette so much that the following day he requested another made using every egg in the town, so he could share it with his hard-working army.

In the years after it became custom that a giant omelette was cooked to feed the village’s poor at Easter every year and the idea was copied in other towns, including Louisiana, US, which now also has a giant omelette fest.

Next year’s French event is on April 24. france-voyage.com

3

Garlic festival, US

Got a very tolerant other half? Then visit California’s Garlic Festival and feast on the most pungent of dishes.

Over two tonnes of the bulbs will be consumed at this festival, running July 26-28, where you can compete for the dubious honour of being crowned Miss Gilroy Garlic, sample recipes created in the ferociously competitive cook-offs or, best of all, help yourself to as much of the free garlic ice cream as you can swallow without doing yourself damage. gilroygarlicfestival.com

5

roadkill cook-off, us

Up for a casualty cooking festival?

Getting stuck into a plateful of meat that’s there only by the grace of a bumper bar – appetising for sure.

Each year, thousands of people crowd into the small town of Marlinton, West Virginia, to share their love of eating and cooking roadkill. How does a snack of biscuits and squirrel gravy sound?

Perhaps you would prefer deer sausage or teriyaki-marinated bear? Culinary blue-sky thinking or just a bit wrong?

Decide for yourself on September 28.

Victorian villa

villa magdala Overview Suitably for the historic city of Bath, this boutique B&B has a grand back story – the Victorian townhouse was built in 1868, and named after the Battle of Maqdala, fought in Abyssinia in the same year.

Field Marshall Lord Robert Napier, who commanded the campaign, lived on the same Henrietta Road. It’s just 10 minutes’ walk from here to most of Bath’s main attractions, such as the Roman Baths, and also one of Jane Austen’s former homes.

Since it’s a relatively small hotel, staff are attentive, relaxed and friendly. wow factor They serve Buck’s Fizz with breakfast every morning – what better way is there to kick off a 7am start on a Monday?

Overview There are only 20 rooms at this pretty boutique B&B, making it a cosy place to stay. These are light and airy, with huge sash windows and smart, comfortable furnishings. The beds are gigantic and incredibly soft and comfortable.

Bill, please Rooms start from £65pppn, including breakfast, based on two sharing.

villamagdala.co.uk

pccocwv.com

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Calm kayak: for the premier view of Venice’s iconic canals [Caption]

Venice

MARCO POLO VENICE

Italy

GETTING THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Venice from £72 return with easyJet. easyjet.com

ITALY

At ease: coast by the Basilica di Santa Maria della Salute

Water feature: the bustling canals glisten after dark

56

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Paddle power A gondola is fine for lovers, but if you really want to see the canals of Venice in all their glory, do it in your own kayak Words xav Judd

One of the truly classic European travel images has to be that of a guy wearing a stripey T-shirt and straw hat, coolly steering a canoodling couple along the Venetian canals in an old-fashioned gondola. But times are a-changing. Today I’m swapping the stripey tee for a waterproof paddling jacket, the hat for a tiny headlamp and the gondola for a kayak, as I’m off to explore this iconic network of waterways using my own paddle power.

My guide Rene and I start off in daylight at 5.30pm from the lilliputian landmass of La Certosa, which is one of the 118 islands that make up Venice. This was a military base up until the Fifties, and army precision is definitely required right now as Rene fits me out with a buoyancy aid, and a spray cover which goes over the cockpit hole, so that I don’t get too wet. The final part of my get-up is the tiny headlamp, along with a navigational light on the rear of my boat so we can be seen by other vessels when the light fades.

Once I’m in this ensemble I look as if I should be going down a coal mine rather than taking a gentle paddle through the sparkling turquoise waters that the city sits on, but Rene assures me I’ll be grateful of it later on.

He gives me a quick refresher on kayaking technique: “Sit upright, keep a relaxed grip on the paddle,” he tells me, adding, more enigmatically: “It’s not about how much energy you spend, but how you spend your energy.” Got it.

I’m soon back in the swing of things and before I know it my paddles are cutting cleanly through the water. Rene guides me towards the island cemetery of San Michele, where Ezra Pound and Igor Stravinsky among other luminaries are buried. It’s an eerie place, but beautiful – brush-like sprouts of green foliage stand aloft of high brick walls with prominent white arches, underneath a pale sky smattered with clouds as puffed-up as candyfloss.

Despite the stunning setting, being near so many graves puts me on edge, so I up my pace, as I follow Rene down one of the 177 canals, passing by pastel Gothic, Renaissance and Baroque buildings, all of which are in various stages of the elegantly tragic decay Venice is famous for. I stop paddling for a few minutes just to watch as shafts of early evening, fading sunlight bounce off the waves and fall on the old, creaking foundations of these once magnificent houses.

Now darkness begins to descend as our journey takes us into one historic canal after another. Venice is divided into

six sestieri (neighbourhoods) and we take a route through them, crossing the waterways of the Rios de San Luca, dei Fuseri and dei Bareteri.

Eventually my arms begin to tire and I realise I’ve rowed at least four kilometres already. My strokes become a little sloppy, and the canal traffic is heavy: vaporetto, water taxis and gondolas are everywhere I look. Suddenly I see a speedboat is heading right for me – it’s sink or swim time.

I paddle backwards furiously in a complicated manoeuvre,

“

A speedboat is heading right for me

”

and just manage to get out of the way as it whizzes by me, avoiding what would have been a nasty collision.

It’s certainly got my heart racing but, as Rene reminds ››

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me, this is all part of getting to see a new side of the Venetian canals. “Travelling in a gondola is just a passive experience, where you’re taken along at a snail’s pace. But in one of our boats you’re in for an engaging adventure,” he tells me.

We cruise on down Rio de San Giuliano and Rio Palazzo, passing under the distinctive Venetian arched bridges. The blissful and gloomy faces of sculptures and stone-barred windows swing into view as we approach the white facade of the Bridge of Sighs. Folklore has it that if lovers kiss under this 1602-built structure while in a gondola during sunset, everlasting affection will be bestowed upon them.

It might be the right time of the evening, but I’m sans lover as I drift underneath, and not sure if a kayak would cut it anyway. For locking down eternal love, it might not be quite the thing, but I decide that for every other aspect of exploring Venice, this awesome mode of transport is all I need. ❚

City on sea: from the ‘streets’ to Laguna Veneta out to the Adriatic

Venice Kayak runs a variety of tours starting from £75pp for a half-day excursion. venicekayak.com

MORE QUIRKY CITY TOURS AT tntmagazine.com/weirdtours

[Caption]

Next week Short hop beaches: The best sandy stretches are just a few hours away

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MIDRANGE

LUXURY

eat

If you want a little break from Venetian fare, check out Frary’s.

This Middle Eastern (Greek and Arab) restaurant’s two-course lunchtime meal is only £10. (San Polo 2559, tel. + 041 720 050)

You can’t find better value in town than the pizzeria Dai Tosi. Its rustic environs are the perfect place to grab several tasty versions of this Italian signature dish. Mains from £9. trattoriadaitosi.com

Michelin-starred Da Fiore (above) is regarded by many as the finest restaurant in Venice. A particular standout is rolls of monkfish with pig’s cheeks and asparagus in a ginger and lemon marinade. Mains from £32. dafiore.net

drink

Change the mood slightly with the eponymous genre at Bacaro Jazz (left). Practically next to the Rialto Bridge, you can sup on two beers for just £3.80 during happy hour. bacarojazz.com

A main feature of bar-cum-cafe Orange (above) is that the major design features are actually in that funky colour. Chockablock with Venice’s bright young things, don’t miss the chance to sit on this venue’s exquisite terrace. Drinks from £4. orangebar.it

Offering one of the best vistas in Venice, the Skyline Rooftop Bar is the summit of the Hilton Hotel.

Glasses of wine start at £6 while the cheapest cocktails are £13.50. molinostuckyhilton.com

sleep

Clean, tidy and with uber-friendly staff, Ca’ Venezia (above) is centrally located just steps away from the majestic San Marco Square.

Dorm beds from £22pn. cavenezia.com

Alla Vite Dorata is a quaint first class inn that’s just been restored.

A treat at mealtimes is that you get a breathtaking view of Rio di Ca’ Dolce. Single rooms from £59.50pn. allavitedorata.com

Opulence and sophistication collide in the Palazzo Abadessa (left). It’s set in a splendid 16th-century built palace and has a private garden that is out of this world. Single rooms from £80pn. abadessa.com

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; Rene Seindal

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BUDGET

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THE INSIDER: CUBA

City on sea: scenic Peñíscola

JUDE BERRY Product Executive Explore

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q I’m heading to La Tomatina in August and have the weekend free before the festival starts. Can you recommend any good places to visit? Preferably within easy reach of Valencia. Thanks.

Amy, via email A You are spoilt for choice in this varied region

READERS’ TIPS ON VAN TOUR EUROPE PLAN YOUR CASH Don’t lend people money if you can’t afford not having it! Otherwise, just don’t rush going through places and towns. Do all the activities everywhere – you will not regret it!

Jono Lilburn, via email HOT WHEELS Make sure you’ve got a solid van – if it breaks down abroad you’re screwed and it’ll cost you heaps.

Lynne Yao, via email

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of Spain, Amy. There is something for everyone, whether you love food, beaches, history or nature. My advice would be to spend one of your days checking out Valencia itself. This fabulous city too often plays second fiddle to the likes of Madrid and Barcelona, but you’ll find it’s bursting with culture, fantastic food and a buzzing nightlife.

A stellar tourist spot is the just opened City of Arts and Sciences complex. The building is an

architectural wonder from Valencian architect, Santiago Calatrava Valls, with an IMAX cinema, aquarium, arts centre and science museum.

After working up an appetite here, sample the region’s famed paella, then head into the winding labyrinth of cobbled streets that make up the Barrio del Carmen to sample the nightlife or, as it is known locally, la marcha (the action) on the Calle de Caballeros.

On the second day of your weekend, choose one of the region’s great coastal spots to relax.

The Old Town of Peñíscola and its 5km beach, stretching to Benicarlo, is a great option 90 minutes from Valencia. Or if you fancy checking out historic sites, visit Sagunto’s hill-top castle and Roman theatre. If nature is more your thing, opt for a short 15km trip south of Valencia to La Albufera, a huge freshwater lagoon.

Beyond visiting Havana, what’s Cuba’s must-do activity?

A trek through the jungle of the Sierra Maestra Mountains.

What was your most memorable Cuban experience?

Dancing to a live Cuban band at a Casa de la Musica in Havana. We were under the stars and making the most of the music and vibrant atmosphere.

Anything you wish you’d known before you travelled there?

I wish I’d known how to dance. The Cubans love a good salsa and it was great fun joining in with them.

What should you do to make the most of the country?

Learn some Spanish. explore.co.uk

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Van Tour EUROPE

ON TOUR

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The ultimate Eurotrip Summer doesn’t get much more epic than a tour through Europe in a van with your mates – journey veterans give us the inside scoop Words Helen Elfer

It’s the ultimate road trip. A van packed with mates and a summer packed with as many destinations as you can fit in. For some expats the legendary Van Tour Europe is the reason they moved to London – to be on the doorstep of Italy’s ancient cities, Switzerland’s mountains, Portugal’s surf, and Spain’s crazy festivals, to name but a few.

In a nutshell, this chaotic rampage across the continent involves tonnes of travel-hungry, beer-thirsty Aussies and Kiwis hiring camper vans and spending the summer driving and partying, stopping off at messy festivals, big gigs, hot surfing spots, cool cities – in other words, everything great about Europe rolled into one epic journey. The culmination?

The notorious 100 Club Munich, which is when the biggest blow-out of the whole tour happens. More on that later.

Before you get there, you’ve got some miles to cover.

For inspiration, we caught up with two Van Tour veterans, whose journeys took them across the continent, and left them with travel stories and memories to last a lifetime.

The routes There’s no fixed route, but Van Tour Europe unofficially begins in June at Pamplona for the San Fermin festival (better known as the Running of the Bulls festival), and ends at Oktoberfest, in Germany. In between those points? You can go wherever you want, although most Van Tourers like to keep in touch on Facebook and arrange meet ups and convoys along the way.

Matt Verocoe, 25, from Melbourne, Australia, took a route zig-zagging across Europe with a mate in 2010.

“We cruised around Europe for four months. We started off going from London to Paris, and down through Switzerland into Italy, down the east coast, back up the west coast and onto the French Riviera. From there we met mates in Biarritz and followed them to the Stoke surf camp (stoketravel.com), just out of San Sebastián, which was the official Wicked Campers (wickedcampers.co.uk) camp for the San Fermin festival.

“We cruised along the north of Spain into Portugal, watched a World Cup match in a surf shack and met up with some people who became our travelling mates in Lagos. Then we headed down the southern coast of Spain

into Barcelona, where we split with the group and stayed two weeks with my mates’ family in a small town in the Netherlands called Apeldorn. Then it was Amsterdam and onto the [now defunct] Love Parade festival in Dusseldorf.

“We spent some time in Germany and Austria visiting the major cities and from there we made our way up into Poland. Then our mates phoned saying that they were in Budapest, and then the month of partying started! Prague, Krakow, Berlin, Munich for Oktoberfest and finishing with Amsterdam on AFL Grand Final day.”

Think that sounds a fair bit of ground to cover? Blair Cowan, 25, from Marlborough, New Zealand, went even further on Van Tour last year with five other Kiwi friends.

“We travelled 11,000 miles which was the most out of any vans last year, including every country in Europe except for Poland. We were at the heart of all the Van Tour park-ups and organising, stopping off at Amsterdam, France, Spain (for Running of the Bulls), then to the surf camp at Lagos, Portugal, and to Morocco – the only van that did that!

“Then we drove up the other side of Spain to Barcelona, onto Nice, Switzerland, Venice, down through Italy, passing Pisa and Rome. From Athens, we took a boat to the Greek Islands, including Mykonos and Ios. Our group split in Eastern Europe – some went to Albania and Macedonia, and almost everyone went to Croatia. We all met up again in Salzburg, Austria, before ending up in Munich for Oktoberfest.”

The vans Clearly, the van is going to be your home for a couple of months so you’d better get a good one. Matt and his friend bought a 2000 Ford Transit in London, converting it into a home, including bunk beds, 240V power, a portable cooking bench, speakers and so on. Her name was Wilma (everyone’s van gets a name, apparently).

As for Blair’s van, “Frank the Tank”, it’s been travelling Europe since 2000 and has the names of past Van Tour travellers on the back door.

“We have recently sold our van to some other Kiwi mates who will be following the tradition and doing VT again this year,” he says. “A lot are bought and sold on Gumtree – a lot of them tend to stay within the same group of Van Tourers. tntMagazine.com

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Sunny stop: Frank the Tank and, below, Munich 100 Club

Catching a Euro wave and, above, Bulls to the Sea in Spain

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Blair Cowan

I’d advise getting something reliable! You’re covering long distances and there’s nothing worse than breaking down in a foreign country when it costs a small fortune to get back on the road or back home.”

Other Van Tourers who don’t drive just put requests out on Gumtree to travel with an already established group, while some prefer to hire camper vans from companies such as Wicked Campers or Spaceships.

The experiences At the end of the day, Van Tour Europe is about seeing as much and doing as much as you can, bonding with your mates and having an absolute blast of a summer. For Matt, the best bit was getting off the beaten track.

“One of my favourite memories is driving through the south of Spain, three vans in front of us, three vans in the rearview mirror, surrounded by mountains on another 30°C-plus day on the open road, windows down and tunes pumping, nowhere to be but just enjoy the day,” he says.

“Another is when we drove through Switzerland and found a small town at the bottom of the Matterhorn, a beautiful place surrounded by mountains called Zermatt, 1600ft above sea level. It was getting late so we found a small mountain patch off the road, set up camp, lit a small camp fire and cooled our beers in a run of freezing water from the snow. It was just so quiet and beautiful.”

For other VTers, it’s the party aspect that’s the most fun.

Blair says the highlight of his tour was the final stretch of the journey from Salzburg to Munich.

“About 50-60 of us were in the same campsite in the days before Oktoberfest, just drinking and chilling. Then we drove to Munich in one huge convoy. The atmosphere was highly 62

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energised, everyone was partying. It was coming to the end of the tour so people were trying to out-do each other, play the loudest music, just going wild.”

The ‘Hundy Club’ Speaking of wild, you’d think being at one of the word’s biggest and most famous beer festivals would be enough of a drinkathon to satisfy anyone. But for some Aussie and Kiwi Van Tourers, even that is just too tame. So about 15 years ››

Chug-a-lug: Europe through the bottom of a glass at Oktoberfest [Caption]

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Bring your van to any festival or surf camp & weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll d give you free an ze boo d unlimite r and take your ca ! you off keys

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ago, the 100 Club Munich tradition took off. It takes place the day before Oktoberfest opens, at a designated site in Munich where all the vans are allowed to park up. Watched by 100-200 spectators, a crazy group try and drink 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes (plus extras). It makes Fight Club look like a geriatric knitting circle.

Having completed the challenge last year, Blair is going to be one of the judges for 2013. He says the rules are strict: “No underwear is allowed, otherwise it gets ripped off. No pissing or vomiting is allowed, although if you vomit in a beer bong and finish it they let you off. You must finish with a clean beer bong funnel, or what’s called an ‘iken.’ Last year I ate and drank judge’s urine, bird seed, ketchup, pickles, tuna, sardines, chilli sauce, raw eggs, spirits, flour, loads of beer and leftovers from vans.”

Uhh, why? “Its a Van Tour tradition,” he says. “You get caught up in it, and it gives you bragging rights once you’ve done it – you can tick it off the bucket list.”

For others, drinking other people’s piss just isn’t an option, so they watch or avoid it altogether. Matt says: “The 100 Club for us was disgusting … a train wreck. But we went to catch up with good people we met along the way that were converging for the biggest beer festival. Van Tour for me was the start of many great friendships and I’m thankful every day for the experiences I was able to do, see and undertake.

“We saw Europe in the best light, in a van, waking up at a beach, or in the middle of a city, driving beside the Rhein, next to a canal, on a car ferry, meeting the locals or other travellers in a caravan park. That is the real Van Tour.” ❚

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PAY YOUR RENT: It’s not hard London. If you can afford to pay rent, you rent a room. If you can’t afford to pay rent, you either get a job so you can, or make other arrangements – a friend, relative, whatever. It’s sad that some people can’t do this, but Amy, I know you can. You talk to your mum in Ireland all the time. Loudly.

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Things the Queen should do before she dies

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at least close the blinds, it looked like two schools of saggy balloons trying to pop each other. Next time I’m filming it and putting it on the internet. Fair warning. Ol END THE DROUGHT: I have a flatmate called Jonathan, he’s quite fit, 27, earns £35k, often smells nice. Likes cycling and travelling. Can hold his drink.

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evicted, is utter bullshit. Can’t wait until the 12th when we’re allowed to throw your shit on the street and change the locks. Anyone want a room? J-Dog WHEELY ANNOYED : There are three types of cyclists hitting the streets these mornings: them with all the gear, the fluorescent backpack cover and the bike that costs more than your monthly rent; the jean- and suit-clad fairweatheronly two-wheelers; and those who have managed to dig out the old bike from the shed, throw on some wash day-only garb and give it a

go. The one thing they all have in common – they all get in my way like you wouldn’t believe when I’m driving to work. Mike WANNA BEER: Seeking someone to sit next to me on the train to Croydon with a beer so I don’t get looked at like a derro. I know it’s allowed, and rugged-looking guys smash a can of Stella between London Bridge and Bermonsey South, but I’m quite normal and well presented.

I just hate wasting time, and after work a beer seems a sensible thing when you’re in a carriage sitting down. Male or female is fine. Just think it’s less weird if not alone. We could pretend we’re celebrating something, like the social acceptance of beer (or wine) on trains. Marty CRAPPY EVER AFTER: Last week was one of firsts: first time I went on a blind date; first time I experienced the crushing pincer of men that are either all too obvious or all too desperate; and a first (and last) time I take a friend’s dating advice. Helena – it was the worst.

You owe me! Stef DRINK DRIVING: My friendly local off-licence owner, you’re a top bloke, and I love that you always undercut Tesco when I tell you the price of a bottle in there.

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HE HATH SPOKEN: I am the all powerful god of everything. I did a sundance last week praying for this eternal rainstorm crap to be banished, and lo and behold the sun has come, spring has sprung, and people are wearing sunglasses.

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Even your toddler clearly thought you were out of your mind. What’s wrong with you? Stacey CHICKEN SHIT: Zara, look, I know this probably isn’t the most tactful way to do this but I know you love TNT’s Desperately Seekings, and there is no way I could say this to your face: I’m sorry, it’s over. And I don’t want to leave you thinking why, I’m going to tell you the god’s honest truth, you just remind me too much of Foghorn Leghorn. That’s it. I know it’s weird. I’m sure you’ll be thinking eight years wasted, but I can’t go on like this. Charlie BLUE NOTE: To the girl with the sort-of afro on the District Line to the east who allowed someone to spray paint the top of her head

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