TNT Magazine / Issue 1551

May 20-26 2013 Issue 1551 tntmagazine.com

ROLL UP! ROLL UP! Summer of circus special! + SINGLE LONDON

Best boroughs for ho ok-ups

OKTOBERFEST!

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It’s stein time in Mun

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TICKETS TO FATBOY SLIM, CALVIN HARRIS & MORE IN PORTUGAL!

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STEAMY WEEKEND A beating in Istanbul’s baths ISSUE 1550 / £1.95

LIONS TOUR PREVIEW TRAVEL DEALS COOL CAMPING TOP FILMS AND GIGS

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18/04/2013 16:22:26

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER I went to the circus on a school trip to Moscow once and it’s fair to say it wasn’t a resounding success. Between the discomfort caused by whips cracking at animals and my freaked-out friend punching a clown in front of the whole arena when he tried to pull her up on stage, it was felt best we leave at the interval. You can expect a far better time at the new breed of sexy circus shows hitting London this summer, where the boundaries of what the body can do are being well and truly pushed. Full lowdown on P6.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS

10+11

@TNT

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SPOTTED

15

LONDON SOUND

16

COMPETITION

18

CHATROOM SISTER BLISS

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LONDON SCENE

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LONDON FOCUS

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LIFESTYLE

Photos: David Solm; Getty

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28-33

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FEATURES

CAREERS

28

ROLL UP, ROLL UP

MONEY

31

We’re doing backflips over ‘nu-circus’, and it’s taking over London this summer

LIVING

32

NEWS

34-39

SPORT

40-44

TRAVEL

47-67

CIRCUS IS HARD

6

TNT’s bravest try Big Top tricks to see how impressive the performers are: very

HOOK-UP HOODS

32

DIARY

48

NEWS

49

Where in London to find those who aren’t loved up, but single and ready to mingle

UK TRIP

50

REAL AUSTRALIA

LATE DEALS

52

HOTSHOTS

53

UK adventurer Simon Reeve went to Oz to explore the challenges the country faces

TOP FIVE

54

GET PITCHED

TIPS

56

SHORT BREAK

58

Cool Camping Britain’s author tells us the top places to perch in the great outdoors

BIG TRIP

62

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

87-89

38

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ULTIMATE BEERFEST

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Eins, zwei, stein! All you need to know for this year’s Oktoberfest in Munich. Prost!

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Zoë Slater Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

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Summer nights: we’re hopelessly devoted to singalong musical movies with a twist

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON the may film hop shoreditch

East London’s The Book Club hosts a weekend of partying, dancing and a megamix of ace, cult smash musical movies. The idea is simple: the films play on the big screen each evening and you get a pair of headphones so you can listen and dance along – and do your best air guitar! – as Prince smashes it in Purple Rain (May 24), while Danny and Sandy indulge in some summer lovin’ in Grease (May 25), and cheer as the late Patrick Swayze makes sure that no one puts baby in a corner with third and final flick Dirty Dancing (May 26). £15

May 24-26, 6pm-11pm Leonard Street Car Park, Leonard Street, EC2A 4RH

Old Street

wearetbc.com

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

the sunday papers live

guided walks

It’s Sunday tradition with a twist as the Secret Forum folk bring you talks, performance and food.

There’s a roast, comedians and writers bringing the papers to life, with musical performances, and a guided walk through Primrose Hill, too. Can you think of a better way to spend your Sunday? Nope. Us neither.

Transport for London project Walk London honours summer with this weekend of free guided strolls around this fab city of ours. Taking in the sights, the history, and one or two pub pitstops, this is a cracking way to discover London and learn your way around the place – just hope it doesn’t rain!

May 26, 11am-11pm Cecil Sharpe House, NW1 7AY Camden Town sundaypaperslive.com

May 25 & 26, times vary Various locations Various stations walklondon.org.uk

£28

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tubular bells for two When Daniel Holdsworth and Aidan Roberts sat down over a bottle of wine three years ago, and strummed along on a couple of acoustic guitars to Mike Oldfield’s worldsmash record, this one-of-akind show was birthed. The duo’s recreation of the LP live on stage has wowed Sydney and Edinburgh Fringes and now tours the UK. £22.50

May 25, 7pm Union Chapel, N1 2XD Highbury & Islington tubularbellsfortwo.co.uk

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Good hunting: make sure you bag tickets to catch Wil Anderson’s show in London

wil anderson: goodwil Central London

The loud-mouthed, rapid-fire comedian and former Triple J breakfast show co-host, who’s as easily at home with political satire as he is a rough and ready dick joke, returns to the UK with a brand new show, GoodWil, for a twoweek Soho stint – his longest ever run in London. We reckon that soon the biggest comedian from Down Under will be the biggest stand-up over here, too. Be sure to keep an eye out for our chat with Anderson in next week’s TNT. £10+

May 27-June 8, 7.45pm Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE

Tott Crt Rd

sohotheatre.co.uk

the great british fair

london sketchfest 2013

Music, performance, menus and more all celebrating the best of Britain at The Old Queens Head. There’ll be traditional fair games, such as the coconut shy, folk music in the Big Top, with sideshow attractions such as a unicyclist, bearded lady and tarot reading. Entry is free up until 9pm and then it’s £5 afterwards.

The first and only fest in the UK dedicated to sketch comedy, this US import features 12 sketch comedy groups across three nights of unpredictable lunacy. Co-producer Adam Dahrouge says the fest was brought over to combat a lack of support for UK sketch comedy outside of the Edinburgh Fringe. Check it out and support!

May 26, 3pm-3am N1 8LN Old Street theoldqueenshead.com

May 24-26, 6.30pm & 8.50pm Victorian Vaults, EC2A 3JF Old St londonsketchfest.com

FREE

£10+

In limbo: the sexy cast of London Wonderground’s headline show, with Danik Abishev second from right

Cirque du so sexy Welcome to London’s summer of ‘nu-circus’, with hot performers bending their bodies all over town Words LAURA CHUBB & ALASDAIR MORTON Roll up, roll up to the Southbank this summer and you’ll find a world of freakery, and we’re not just talking about the riverside buskers. From now until September, the London Wonderground festival’s circus tent will host death-defying stunts and the body-bendingly bizarre – and make no mistake, this isn’t fun for all the family.

The Wonderground’s feast of cutting-edge shows is all part of a move towards a wholly new kind of circus, reckons former Australia’s Got Talent finalist Danik Abishev, whose handbalancing antics will wow at the fest’s headline show, Limbo. Set in a world between heaven and hell, it’s inhabited by a sexy cast of characters including acrobats, illusionists and aerialists who’ll be putting their lithe bodies through the paces to awe the audience.

“This is a new breed of circus and the crowd is going to be shocked to see certain things,” the 27-year-old promises. “I can’t say too much about the show, but it’s a lot more edgy.”

Abishev is certainly an authority on the subject, having trained for Russia’s state circus from the age of four (he was born and raised there). Abishev 6

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then moved to Australia in 1996, where he toured the country in a circus troupe with his father, and in 2009 reached the grand final of AGT as a solo act.

Unfortunately, doing a handstand on a burning ladder kept upright by his balancing skills alone wasn’t quite enough to impress the judges (begin booing loudly here).

Still, Abishev is well on his way to realising the ambition he revealed on the talent show – to become “Australia’s favourite circus freak”.

Limbo got rave reviews at the Adelaide Festival and is set for a similar response here. “When I was young and travelling with the traditional circus, people would yell at me that I was a freak,” Abishev says. “I’m proud of that label now. It empowers you. I even have a T-shirt that says it!”

Another sexy show to catch this month is The Bleeding Hearts Circus at Hoxton Hall. The twisted passions, soaring highs and crushing lows of love will be played out on the trapeze, silks and aerial hoops, and it’s brought to the stage by Airealism, a company made up of performers who have day jobs and run away with the circus by night.

Sophie Pelham, 33, from Bromley, works in employment law but will be performing “a cheeky trapeze act” exploring what happens when you have “three people on one bar” (remember the theme of Bleeding Hearts). She says she got addicted to flying on the trapeze after giving it a go as an afterwork hobby, and has been honing her skills over five years.

“When you first start, it’s so painful,” she tells TNT. “Your skin tears and your muscles ache. It’s an extreme sport that you do several times a week.” But the “tough love” of circus folk kept her focused: “You will fall off, but you have to get straight back up. You show these guys your bruises and they’ll just say, ‘I’ve seen worse.’”

Find out just how tough learning circus skills is with the TNT team’s efforts on P22. Happy just to watch?

Turn over for the best shows in town.

MORE SEXY CIRCUS IN LONDON ›› Limbo. Until Sep 29. 7.15pm. £15+. Jubilee Gardens, SE1 8XX londonwonderground.co.uk Westminster Bleeding Hearts Circus.

May 30-June 1. 7pm. £10+. 130 Hoxton Street, N1 6SH hoxtonhall.co.uk Hoxton

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Part-time performer: Sophie Pelham at home

flown south bank As you’d no doubt imagine from a show with this title, Flown is all about performance that’s up in the air. Circus troupe Pirates Of The Carabina lead you on this absorbing night which they say is largely unplanned. The dancers, stuntmen, acrobats, aerialists and musicians set out to wow in a show originally commissioned for the Glastonbury Festival.

Expect flying ironing boards and more. Bold.

the tiger lillies: live in concert south bank

£15.50+

June 2-22, times vary Udderbelly, SE1 8XX Waterloo underbelly.co.uk

tumble circus: this is what we do for a living south bank Sure to make you feel like you lead the most tedious and adventure-lacking existence by comparison, the two carnies behind this show have travelled the world with their circus comedy, high-wire traversing, gravity-taunting lunacy. This awe-inspiring show will feature flying hula hoops, slapstick acrobatics, aerial rope work and daring double trapeze, too. londonwonderground.co.uk

BELLE EPOQUE CIRCUS PARTY holborn

As the name suggests, this isn’t a normal circus show.

Forget trapeze artists and jugglers, and think more Alice In Wonderland meets your worst Dali-esque nightmares (see above), with an animalistic spin that encourages you to embrace the beast within. This is contemporary circus that melds sounds and performance with acrobatic feats par excellence to transpose you to another realm altogether. £15.50+

Jun 3-23, times and dates vary London Wonderground, SE1 8XX Waterloo londonwonderground.co.uk

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Jun 7-9, 9.15pm London Wonderground, SE1 8XX Waterloo londonwonderground.co.uk

£15.50+

Aug 6-9, 9.15pm SE1 8XX Waterloo

circa: beyond south bank

Inspired by pre-war Berlin and the spikier side of Seventies punk (with some suitably ghoulish Gothic overtones, to boot), alt-cabaret superstars the Lillies are not for the faint of heart. Macabre, mysterious and full-on mental, their three shows are ones not to miss this summer … if you can hack it! £17.50

£20 The folks behind the Prohibition Party and the Blitz Party bring the shady circus underworld of 19th-century Paris to Bloomsbury Ballroom, with acrobatics and dancefloorfilling tunes ‘til late.

June 15, 8pm Bloomsbury Square, WC1B 4DA Holborn belleepoqueparty.com

inverted + bikes and rabbits north london

the double r club south bank One of the capital’s edgiest shows, the back-to-back London Cabaret Awards winner for Best On-going Production takes cues from master of the surreal David Lynch for sketches and performances that push the boundaries of your sanity.

Host is the “so fuckin’ suave” Benjamin Louche. £17.50

Jul 12, 10.45pm & Aug 2, 9.15pm London Wonderground, SE1 8XX Waterloo londonwonderground.co.uk

falling up north london

Get twice the thrills at this circus double bill, featuring emerging circus company Inverted’s acrobatics and contemporary aerial bicycle performances from the intriguingly named Bikes & Rabbits.

All-female group Mimbre have toured internationally with Falling Up – retooled slightly for this Gothic church venue – fusing acrobatics, theatre and dance.

Jun 14, 8pm 269a Archway Road, N6 5AA Highgate jacksonslane.org.uk

Jun 19, 8pm 269a Archway Road, N6 5AA Highgate jacksonslane.org.uk

£10

£10

circus maximus south bank Not just a circus show, but a circus competition (above) in which 20 of the UK’s hottest, most gravity-defying, health and safety flouting acts will be performing not just for your entertainment, but a prize of £5000 and a chance to develop a show with Udderbelly. So it’s high stakes. Fire-breathers, tightrope walkers and all manner of watch-throughyour-fingers acts will be competing for your votes and a place in the final five. £15.50

May 10-June 1, various times.

Udderbelly, SE1 8XX Waterloo facebook.com/ circusmaximusuk

burlesque or bust west end

twisted voodoo central london

Cabaret and burlesque star Sapphira and her Showgirls (below) have been on Australia’s Got Talent and sold out Melbourne’s Red Bunnies. They now bring their show – about their search for ‘heartthrob’ Richard Branson, who is a big fan of the gals – to London.

This weekly dinner and show (dinner optional) features belly dancers, fire breathers, and intimidating strong men in an extreme circus experience. For those looking for a little ‘down time’ amidst the bodychallenging carnage, there are also burlesque acts to add seductiveness to the evening (below). This week’s acts are Abi Collins, Leah Debrincat, Pizie Le Knot, Missy Fatale, Jolie Pappilon and Missy Macabre.

£15

May 26, 5pm Madame Jojo’s, 8-10 Brewer Street, W1F 0SE Leicester Square madamejojos.com

£20

how like an angel barbican This is the first collaboration between UK-based vocal ensemble I Fagiolini and Australian company Circa. The vertiginous show sees six acrobats/dancers/people with far too much upper body strength descend and contort between the roof and stage, accompanied by live spiritual music. It’s choral chorus clashing with contemporary circus, completely unique and totally ace. £20

Thursdays, from 6.30pm Proud Cabaret, EC3R 7AH Monument proudcabaretcity.com

Jun 25-28, Tue & Thu 9pm; Wed & Fri 8pm & 10pm Silk St, EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

cirque du soleil: alegria in London across london ‘Alegria’ means joy or happiness in Spanish, and you’ll not find a more fitting word to describe this, one of the famed Canadian circus and performance company’s early shows (it premiered in 1994). There will be acrobats, knife throwers, fire jugglers, as well as loads of clowns and musicians, wrapped up in a powerhouse, sensory overloading show themed around the energy of youth, stuffed to the brim with wow-factor stunts and skill.

If proof were needed for why Soleil is one of the world’s biggest circus acts, you’d find it here. An utterly joyous, arty spectacle. £45+

cirque du cabaret south bank This show floored the crowds and enjoyed a sell-out run in the Spiegeltent as part of last year’s Wonderground, as well as a residency at London’s prestigious burlesque house Pigalle.

Back this year for a short fivenight run only, this is sure to be in popular demand, so get in quick to avoid missing the burlesque, comedy and circus genius that makes up each one-off presentation. Saw it last year? You can keep coming back – no two shows are ever the same!

Photos: Chris Taylor; Steve Ullathorne; David Solm

£17.50

May 31, Jun 28, Jul 19, Sep 20 & 28. 10.45pm London Wonderground, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX Waterloo londonwonderground.co.uk

Jul 18-21. Times vary The O2, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk Jul 24-28. Times vary Wembley Arena, HA9 0AA Wembley Park wembleyarena.co.uk

TWISTED CIRCUS BANK HOLIDAY SPECIAL holborn Fire breathers, snake charmers, stilt walkers and contortionists entertain at this mega-party, also kicking out two rooms of music, from Nineties and club classics to house. £10+

cirque alfonse: timber! south bank

Burlesque star Kitty Bang Bang (The Hurly Burly Show) and cabaret producer Bioux Lee Hayes (Boom Boom Club) bring you this new night of circus cabaret and sideshow freakery. Cheeky.

Canadian circus family Cirque Alfonse – the line-up stretches from a toddler to the 66-year-old grandfather – are coming to London with brand new show Timber!, guaranteed to make you look totally differently at the lumberjack community.

Juggling chainsaws and axes, gravity-defying stunts, dance, folklore storytelling and traditional music (think harps, banjos and the like) – this is the men of the mountain in ways you never imagined possible.

Thur & Fri, 11pm Hippodrome Casino, WC2H 7JH Leicester Square hippodromecasino.com

Jul 10-31, 7.30pm Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

May 26, 9pm Bloomsbury Square, WC1B 4DA Holborn xclusivetouch.fatsoma.com

boom & bang circus leicester square £10+

£32

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LONDONDRINKS

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SEVEN AT BRIXTON

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Numbers game: all cocktails are a fiver

BAR

We reckon there are less than a handful of independent bars in London that tick the great atmosphere, top-notch food and cheap cocktails boxes – and they all seem to be in Brixton Market. Seven is one of our faves. Decor-wise, this chaotic, two-storey bar rocks a slightly daft, found-it-in-a-skip aesthetic, with graffiti and artwork covering the walls. Somehow it works. One of their big selling points is the cocktail menu – everything on it’s a fiver – which includes sugary tipples such as crème brûlèe martinis, and blueberry and apple teatinis. The only downside is this place is understandably rammed at weekends, so you’ll probably spend a good portion of your evening trying to find out what happened to your drinks order.

THE GRUB Most of the Spanish menu is made up of pintxos, the Basque region’s version of tapas, heavy on the regional meats and cheeses. Seven also does superb and very reasonably priced sharing platters.

THE SCENE

In addition to the cocktail menu, which is regularly updated, Seven has a range of Spanish beers, wines, rums, liqueurs and sherry brandies. They’re happy to make any off-menu drinks, too, as long as they have the ingredients.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails are £5 each; glasses of wine are £3.

VERDICT Quirky but not irritatingly so, this place is a real winner. Just make sure you book a table, and order drinks two at a time. HELEN ELFER BEHIND THE BAR

No 7 Market Row, Brixton, SW9 8LB

3 OF THE BEST DATE RESTAURANTS

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Brixton

LA PETITE AUBERGE

OXO TOWER

PETERSHAM NURSERIES

Want something romantic that won’t break the bank?

Head to leafy Upper Street in Islington for this rusticstyle French bistro, where three courses of Gallic gastronomy costs £21.50.

It’s simple, but effective.

Looking for that datedazzling knockout view?

Whisk your special someone all the way to the top of the Oxo Tower by the Thames for a panorama of the city skyline and high-end flavours. Mains from £21.50.

This idyllic cafe amid the tumbling foliage of a Richmond garden centre is the perfect escape from London humdrum and the much-lauded menu is a consistent hit with critics.

Mains from £24.50.

lapetiteaubergebistro.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Tater-tastic: the merchant’s veg of choice is in all three courses

MEXICAN FEAST Camden’s Cafe Chula has long been a firm fave among fans of Mexican food and drink, but this month’s supperclub is a great opportunity to sample the best of what the cute corner of Camden Lock Market has to offer. Three courses and five cocktails are a darn decent £45 on Thursday May 30, with each dish matched to tequila-laced tipples. Now booking. cafechula.co.uk

ANTI-VEG MENU What better time to celebrate your commitment to being a carnivore than National Vegetarian Week, on May 20-27? The Big Easy on King’s Road is offering a special ‘mighty meaty’ menu to commemorate the occasion, with three courses of dead animal costing £39.95. Choose from the likes of a 700g, 21-day aged sirloin steak, baby back ribs and chicken wings. Put some colour in your cheeks! bigeasy.co.uk

TEA AT ‘HOUSES OF P’ To have yourself a quintessentially English overload this summer, try out a tour of the Houses of Parliament, which has just added afternoon tea in the House of Commons to its itinerary.

The usual dainty delights – think salmon and cream cheese sarnies, scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream, plus a selection of teas – are served up in the Commons’ historic Pugin Room with a view over the Thames. Tour tickets are £16.50, and an afternoon tea add-on will set you back a not unreasonable £19.95. Available June 1-August 24. Book ahead.

the potato merchant BRITISH

This newly opened restaurant on Exmouth Market has loads going for it: top food; a great, lively atmosphere; rustic, odd-chaired decor; an open kitchen giving it laid-back personality; and passionate and friendly staff. Its potato-based menu (they’re in pretty much everything on the board) means it’s going to be carb-heavy, but this indulgence just makes it even more of a delicious treat.

The grub Starters, mains and desserts are all based on the underground-dwelling little pomme de terres. Merchant crisps, potato soup, black pudding croquettes – these are some of the appetisers to get you in the mood. I opt for the rabbit terrine starter, which is top drawer. Mains include flank steak, red gurnard, lamb stew or duck confit and all come with a choice of nine accompanying spuds: mash, Jersey royal, dauphinoise, boulangère, Anna, juniper pancake, French fries, beef dripping chips and patatas bravas. Purely in the interest of providing you with as comprehensive a view of the menu as possible, my dining companions and I sampled them all. The verdict returned that all were ace: dauphinoise was for the calorie-loving carb-hound, and the Anna was crowned our fave. A tater-infused lemon drizzle cake was a winning final round offering, with the bread and butter – and potato! – pudding triumphing in the dessert contest, if only by a whisker. If you don’t fancy it, you can opt for a potato-free salad option, but why would you?

THE SCENE

English wines feature on the menu, but we decided to go with crisp Tantehue sauvignon blanc.

Bill please Starters from £2.50; mains from £10.50; potato sides £3.50; desserts from £4.50. Beers from £4; wine from £3.80/ £23 per glass/ bottle. verdict Simple intent carried off with panache, this is a fun, lively and inventive evening’s dining, as well as being open for weekday brekkie bites, lunch and weekend brunches. You’ll want to ditch the Tube home though in favour of a brisk walk to churn off all those calories. ALASDAIR MORTON Behind the bar

parliament.uk/visiting 55 Exmouth Market, Clerkenwell, EC1R 4QL

Farringdon

thepotatomerchant.com

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

UKBA: another day, another reader’s border horror story

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Frank Lampard‘s signed for another year, so now looking forward to working with the next 3 or 4 Chelsea managers.

Damo

one direction are the band the beatles could’ve been if they were tossers

Marissa

I got lost in London the other day until I saw a pavIng stone with ‘go’ written on it. I was near Old Kent road

Stu

I poured some water over a duck’s back yesterday.

He didn’t care

Katja

“Kangaroo knocks pollie to ground on morning jog: what happens when Rolf Harris isn’t around to tie the fuckers down’

Dave

Every time I visit pubs I knock back loads of beer. that mean I’m teetotal?

Mark

Angelina Jolie said “I lost my mum to cancer, my kids won’t” ... That’s because her kids lost their mums to her

Aimee

Time heals all wounds. be sure to treat them with alcohol first though

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UKIP leader Nigel Farage was bundled into a police van from an Edinburgh pub. Nice to see a pollie observe local customs

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Re: Video: School student throws sandwich at Julia Gillard (tntmagazine.com): We are talking about our prime minister, head of our country. You can like her or dislike her but you still need to be respectful. Is it because she is a female it’s acceptable? Would you be happy if somebody lobbed a sandwich at you? Pull your head in.

Jenni Lush, via tntmagazine.com

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Re: Daydream Island in the Great Barrier Reef goes up for sale for £75 million (tntmagazine.com): This place is a dump. It is tired and outdated. Having worked there, I reckon it would take another £70m just to fix it up.

I Heggis, via tntmagazine.com

(tntmagazine.com): The style in Brown’s literature may be far from perfect and sometimes even a little childish, but I enjoy the conspiracies nonetheless. I enjoyed The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons but I hated The Lost Symbol.

Sushant Thapaliya, via Google+

‘DICKS’ HAVE FUN

Re: Brits abroad are an embarrassment (tntmagazine.com): Fair point Mark Bratt (@TNT 1550), but one man’s embarrassment or “dick”, as you call it, is another man’s fucking awesome time. I know I’m a bit of a dick when I travel, but I’m letting off a bit of steam and trying not to offend.

If you avoid the likes of me while on holiday, everyone’s a winner.

Sam, via email

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Re: Dan Brown’s latest novel Inferno savaged by critics

LIONS TOUR PREVIEW /42 ISTANBUL /58

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Tweet us @tntmagazine @juliaholdom @tntmagazine your Desperately Seeking section is jolly good entertainment. So good I read TNT back to front. (Ed: Get yours in the mag by emailing seeking@tntmagazine.com) @sammie04_x Your independent travellers’ guide for Australia, New Zealand and Fiji has been so useful.

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Simon Wentworth: (Re: Man sacked for charging elephant in Kruger National Park, South Africa) There have to be more painless ways to commit suicide!

Gareth Evans: (TNT tries the longest zip line in the northern hemisphere) Can’t wait to have a go in the summer.

Clint Heine: (Brits threaten US hotel with bad review and get forcibly removed) That’s such a dumb threat to use as well.

Photo: Thinkstock

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RE: UK Border Agency told me to apply for wrong visa, costing £991 (TNT Magazine campaign): I know how you feel.

I have wasted so much time and over £1500 because of the same group! UKBA is the worst for customer service.

From Australia they want a credit card before you ask a question on the phone, and UK border security asked if I’m Tamil or Muslim. Surely asking race or religion is racist. I’m an Aussie!

Delan Adikari, via Twitter

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AFL Wildcats rubik’s cube party Walkabout, Shepherd’s Bush Saturday, May 11, 2013 Photos by: David Salas/ TNT More pics and tag yourself at facebook.com/tntmag

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On instinct: Baltimore four-piece Animal Collective will go free-range at Field Day

festival

watch

electric elephant

Tisno, Croatia. July 11-15. £110 electricelephant.co.uk

Sun, sea, music, boat parties, outdoor clubs and loads more on the Adriatic coast – that’s what this Croatia-set festie promises.

The likes of Andrew Weatherall, Frankie Knuckles (below), Mr Scruff, Horse Meat Disco, Carl Craig and Ewan Patterson are among the line-up for this five-day party of beats and beaches. Just try and keep up!

One for the more hardcore electro fans out there.

field day Victoria Park, E9 7DE May 25 | Doors at 12pm | £49.50

The sun is out (occasionally) and the clocks have gone forward, which means only one thing in the UK – festival season. And it kicks off in fine style this weekend with Field Day and its cool-as-fuck bands and artists.

Easily the trendiest festival in London, Field Day kicked off seven years ago and is composed entirely of the hottest new bands currently making waves. Indie through to electronica – anything that is left of the mainstream, yet destined for big things, is what you’ll find here.

This year sees the likes of electro-pop outfit Chvrches, who we caught at Village Underground last month and were blown away by, along with the likes of indie darlings Daughter, post-punk and Joy Division-enamoured Savages, and creative curio-oddities Animal Collective (above), who are the main stage headliners.

There will also be south London’s bright young stars Palma Violets, whose debut album 180 has well and truly lived up to the hype. The band have also just undertaken a tour that saw them play the length and breadth of the country and share the stage with the modfather himself, Paul Weller. Meanwhile, Toy are out to show why they are the latest NME fan’s favourite, and Mancunian indie-pop foursome Everything Everything will be bringing the sunny vibes to the party.

Best of all, there are 68 other acts spread over this one-day line-up, and all for under £50. So head east, folks – the summer has landed, festival season is well and truly on. You best try and keep up!

Mile End

fielddayfestivals.com

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NEW BAND

muse GIG may 25 & 26. 4.30pm £49.50

These three lads from Devon fast became one of the biggest bands on the planet and they’re here to show why. Lasers, a giant upside down pyramid (which they have probably borrowed from Egypt) and rocking, ass-kicking, star-gazing rock classics including Plug In Baby, Madness and Hysteria. Proper epic!

Photos: Getty

Emirates Stadium Drayton Park, N5 1BU Arsenal arsenal.com/emirates-stadium

groove odyssey: house legends

secretsundaze may bank holiday special

CLUB

CLUB

sun, may 26. 10pm-6am £15+

sun, may 26. 2pm-10.30pm £14.50

DJ Spen from the US’s Quantize Records and Germany’s Ralf Gum from GoGo Music headline room one for the first time this weekend. Joining them for a Sunday night party are Sean McCabe, Bobby and Steve Zoo, and DJ Leo, with two more rooms of straight-up house, tech-house, funky house and uplifting soulful house, even!

Nick Höppner, KiNK (live) and Joey Anderson make their SS debut this bank holiday weekend alongside seasoned regulars James Priestley and Giles Smith. Expect the tunes to be banging, the crowd to be up for it and plenty of bleary-eyed after-party seekers to be roaming through the madness. It’s what long weekends are for.

Pacha 1 Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR Victoria grooveodyssey.com

The Oval Bethnal Green, E2 9DY Bethnal Green secretsundaze.net

depeche mode

faithless

swim deep

GIG

CLUB

GIG

tue, may 28. 7pm £40+

fri, may 31. 10pm-6am £20+

wed, may 29. 7.30pm £10

Dave Gahan, Martin Gore and Andy Fletcher started back in the Eighties as an out and out electro-pop band. Now, they’re stadium-filling, genre-pushing, global electro-rock stars, with 13 albums to their name, their latest being January’s Delta Machine. Who would have thought it from the former floppy-haired popsters?

Maxi Jazz and Sister Bliss are back for their first show in Brixton since their 2011 sell-out at the Academy, after which they stopped touring.

They’re playing the new venue round the corner, with a live PA and DJ set. There won’t be many more chances to catch Insomnia live! See Chatroom with Sister Bliss on P21.

Baggy is back thanks to the reunions of those who first made it cool (The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays and their still-mad-for-it ilk) and also in the hearts of upcoming bands influenced by them, such as this ace Brummie group, who headline this north London show ahead of June’s debut, Where The Heaven Are We. Going places.

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

Electric Brixton Town Hall Parade, SW2 1RJ Brixton electricbrixton.co.uk

Village Underground 54 Holywell Lane, London, EC2A 3PQ Liverpool Street villageunderground.co.uk

dingus khan The buzz so far Touted as the link between Blur and Slipknot (try and imagine that!), this Essex-based eight-piece are a little different to most. There’s eight of them for a start, including three bass players and three drummers, and they play crazy, offbeat mental rock ‘n’ roll that has seen them win fans all over the shop. Debut LP, Support Mistley Swans, is re-released this month, and they’re hitting up the Camden Rocks festival, too.

The Critics say “Their live show is unmissable” The405 the plug Support Mistley Swans is out May 27 through Fierce Panda.

Play Buffalo Bar, May 30. £8.50.

N1 1RU Highbury & Islington.

Camden Rocks Festival, June 1. £22.

NW1 8NH Camden Town dinguskhan.co.uk

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A PAIR OF TICKETS TO MEO SUDOESTE FESTIVAL IN PORTUGAL TNT and MEO Sudoeste festival have teamed up to give three lucky readers a pair of five-day tickets (including nine nights’ camping) to the Portuguese music fest.

Boasting an incredible line-up that includes Snoop Lion (aka Dogg), Fatboy Slim, Calvin Harris, CeeLo Green and Solange among others, MEO Sudoeste is one of the best-kept European festival secrets.

Best known for its vibrant atmosphere and eclectic line-up, MEO Sudoeste takes place just 50km north of the popular Algarve, in the unspoilt coastal region of Alentejo, an area well known to surf enthusiasts. The festival

site and camping area are located in a natural forest reserve, just 10 minutes away from some of the world’s most beautiful beaches.

And with five-day (nine nights’ camping) tickets going for as little as £82 each, MEO Sudoeste is undoubtedly one of the summer festival holiday winners!

Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions sudoeste.meo.pt/en

PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1549: STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: Winner: Nicole Shahsafdari. Runners up: Denise Hutchinson, Deneisha Grant, I Bartlett

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Sister Bliss

On electronica icons Faithless’s upcoming Brixton return, her never say never approach to the future, and dirty bass music INTERVIEW alasdair morton

When did you and Maxi Jazz decide on doing this show back in Brixton?

It’s a live PA rather than a full band show. We’ve done it for fun and also because there is still a massive demand for Faithless.

And fundraising for Crystal Palace FC? Yeah, Maxi’s a fan and now a director at the club, so this is for Crystal Palace FC Youth Academy. He’s supported them since he was a boy so this is close to his heart.

What can the fans expect in the show?

There will certainly be some of the Faithless anthems with Maxi doing live vocals. We did it recently in front of 100,000 people at Ultra Fest [in Miami] and it went down really well.

That’s quite a warm up show ...

Yeah, so fingers crossed it will go down well in Brixton. We’ve played Brixton a lot of times, and our last show in 2011 was there, a few yards up the road at the Academy. It is home for Maxi.

When he’s not in Jamaica, he’s there, within staggering distance.

Is he in Jamaica a lot?

He spends a lot of time there with his mum, and he’s built a studio there. He likes to get out of the UK when it’s freezing, so most of the time!

Has it been tempting to get back out on the road?

We are doing a few dates round Europe in festival season. It’s up to Maxi and how much he wants to do. We want to keep it special. Maxi drew a line under Faithless touring in 2011 – if it was up to me we’d be rolling out the big trucks and the big band and getting down and dirty in the fields.

Photo: Getty

What is the secret to your longstanding relationship?

We just enjoy each other’s company. It was great we didn’t call time because we couldn’t stand the sight of each other, especially given the message in Maxi’s lyrics [he is a Buddhist].

Faithless’s sound crossed genres....

Yeah, Maxi and I come from very, very different parts of town musically but together, we

Anthemic: Blissy’s back in Brixton were more than the sum of our parts. When we started making music as Faithless, Rollo [Armstrong] and I had worked together for years in dance but Maxi came from a different place. With the first album we wanted to make a mixtape you’d give to someone saying, ‘This is the best reggae tune, your fave rave tune, the kick-back and relax one.’ And then it was roundly ignored for a year and a half, no one knew it existed.

Insomnia changed that ...

Fate smiled on us and it became a massive hit. It allowed us to tour and show people there was a lot of music out there that wasn’t just dance.

Now Faithless aren’t on the road, you can focus on your Junkdog Records label.

Now we’re not touring I actually have time for the label. I am in the studio all the time and am looking to sign other artists. With the label and my radio show on Ministry of Sound, I have this forum to show new artists and my own music.

How has the label been going?

I am backed up with releases without even trying – we haven’t even been going for six months. Dance music has exploded globally so if I put my weight behind something it will give it a chance. I feel like Maxi is a patron of football and I am a patron of the arts.

What sounds are inspiring you?

Proper dirty London bass music like you would hear at a warehouse. Not particularly commercial stuff but stuff I feel has musical merit and does it for me. Music that’s by people who are as passionate as me – I feed off their excitement and it inspires me in turn. One of them, an act called I Said No, had a gig in Brixton last week – their first booking after their first release, Fire Me Up. Hopefully next time we can do a show where they join me on the line-up.

Do you have a fave Faithless memory?

The very end of the final Brixton gig [in 2011] – turning round and waving to the crowd was a joyous event. We made music that meant something to people above and beyond the average pop band. And we did it without compromising along the way.

Will there be more London shows?

It’s hard when people are calling up asking, ‘When are Faithless touring? When are you coming back?’ It’s not up to me. As far as I know, we are retired from a full-on touring schedule. But who knows – watch this space – you might get lucky!

Faithless Live DJ and Live PA + special guests.

Electric Brixton. May 31. £20+ SW2 1RJ electricbrixton.com Brixton

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Muted roar: Luhrmann’s Gatsby is lavish but heavy-handed

the great gatsby FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, Tobey Maguire | 12A | 143mins

the hangover pART iii FILM Starring: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms | 15 | TBCmins

The wolf pack are back, for this third and final part in Todd Phillips’s dehydrated, memory-blanking series.

Chow (Ken Jeong) is wanted by John Goodman’s crime boss, with Alan (Galifianakis), Stu (Helms) and Phil (Cooper) embroiled in the whole mess.

May just be the most outlandish yet.

On general release May 23

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One of the great American novels; an all-star cast; a mega studio budget; lavish stylist Baz Luhrmann at the helm – what could go wrong? A misjudged tone and heavy-handedness mostly in this underwhelming extravaganza.

Originally slated for release last December then postponed for six months (an indication of anxiety or perfectionism, depending on which story you believe), Aussie Luhrmann’s take on F Scott Fitzgerald’s Roaring Twenties-set doomed romance, a tale of ambition, denial and never-to-be-fulfilled dreams, features all the filmmaker’s trademark extravagances. A contemporary score (Jay-Z, Florence + The Machine) soundtracks Jazz Age New York as booze takes over, the party never ends, and the mysterious Jay Gatsby roams at the centre of it all. Yet while Luhrmann’s outlandishness occasionally works – one of Gatsby’s legendary Long Island mansion bashes is the sort of musical-led exuberance the director excels at – here it conjures a feeling more of a garish stage show than a living, breathing Twenties Big Apple.

DiCaprio is a mysterious Gatsby, Mulligan seductive yet vulnerable as flapper Daisy Buchanan and Joel Edgerton brutish as her philandering husband Tom, but it’s Luhrmann’s style that takes centre stage. Yet it’s cumbersome and plodding when it should be light-footed and reckless, as Fitzgerald’s prose regularly scrawls across the screen in partially effective 3D. His drive for escapism sidelines real emotion, as the novel’s defeatist climax, our effort to beat life’s fatalistic inevitability, is rendered a slick dream that, like many reveries, is hard to recall once over.

Good for: If you haven’t seen Redford’s ‘74 version and won’t be disappointed by comparisons.

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GIVE US A

stand up for free speech benefit show

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Omid Djalili, Mark Thomas, Isy Suttie (right), Phill Jupitus and Imran Yusuf are the five megatalented acts lined up for this benefit show supporting underground theatre group Belarus Free Theatre, which promotes artistic freedom against the authoritarian government of the eastern European country.

Comedy Store 1a Oxendon St, SW1Y 4EE. May 28. £15 Piccadilly Circus thecomedystore.co.uk

John Riddy: Palermo

travels with my aunt

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The British photographer’s exhibition enters its final days here so you haven’t got long to get down and check out his haunting shots of the Sicilian city of Palermo. Empty streets and the human detritus that litters urban landscapes are the focus here for this sombre yet affecting collection of work.

Graham Greene’s 1969 novel – about retired bank manager Henry Pulling, who rediscovers life after the passing of his mother – has three actors playing the lead (Jonathan Hyde, David Bamber, Iain Mitchell) in this comedy as Henry discovers that there is more to life than cultivating dahlias. LK

Frith Street Gallery W1F 9JJ. Until June 1. FREE Piccadilly Circus frithstreetgallery.com

Menier Chocolate Factory SE1 1RU. Until June 29. £29+ London Bridge menierchocolatefactory.com

mark stephenson What’s your set this week going to be about? [It’ll be] my Edinburgh show about happiness. So it’ll be the happy bit, or some of the other 55 minutes of context which is a bit sad.

Photos: Steve Ullathorne; Johan Persson

Who inspired you to pick up a mic and take to the stage? [UK stand-up and actor] Hal Cruttenden.

the moth diaries

passion play

FILM

THEATRE

Model turned actress Lily Cole (The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus) stars in this boarding school-set vampire thriller. Written and directed

by Mary Harron, the mind who brought Bret Easton Ellis’s ‘unfilmable’ American Psycho to the screen and made a star of Christian Bale, should prove an assured hand to make this more biting and bloody and less Twilight.

Text messages rather than public phone boxes feature in illicit affairs now, but in most respects Peter Nichols’s 1981 destruction of a fulfilling 25-year marriage – here starring a superb Zoe Wanamaker and Owen Teale as the married couple and Annabel Scholey as the vampish young interloper – has barely dated. LK

On general release May 24

Duke of York’s Theatre St Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4BG. Until Aug 3. £15+ Charing Cross atgtickets.com

What is the weirdest show you have ever done? I’m part of a [comedy] group called The Weirdos – head honcho Adam Larter backs himself to create the weirdest shows possible. We recreated the film Hook and did all rehearsals live in front of an audience, too. We weren’t even doing the scenes in any particular order so most people forgot their scripts. It was barely recognisable [in the end] but amazing fun when it worked. [TNT witnessed this madcapped show last year and thoroughly agrees.]

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen? A friend of mine shouted “Deano” at Dean Gaffney across a pub in Croydon once. Very funny.

We Love Comedy Balham Bowls Club, SW12 8QX. May 30. £8 Balham weheartcomedy.com

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Running away with the circus TNT’s very bravest souls take on swinging, flying and crash mat crushing Big Top skills and find muscles they never knew existed WORDS OLI JONES, HELEN ELFER & DAISY CARRINGTON

You’ve seen how hot the circus performers hitting London this summer look (see P6), and it’s no wonder – you need to be at your physical peak to achieve their amazing feats.

Coincidentally, ‘physical peak’ is a phrase often associated with the TNT team, so we headed off to the Big Top to try out some circus skills of our own.

CIRCUS SKILL: Aerial hoop Oli Jones, Web Ringmaster DIFFICULTY: 2/5 My class with Flying Fantastic begins with a brief demo from instructor Julia, whose mostly upside down communication is quite effective; it’s hard not to pay attention to an upside down head. We’re taught the right way to mount the ring, which I manage at the second attempt. It’s soon clear (as I slap down on to the crash mat) that this class rewards a different kind of physical ability to the Sunday football league I’m used to; this is about control and static strength.

“The hoop is the glamour piece in aerials,” Julia says, though some of us appear bent on sullying its reputation. The learning curve is steep, but by the end of the class, several of

Gut-busting: TNT’s Oli doesn’t know it, but his abs are about to re-emerge 22

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our group are mounting the apparatus with genuine grace. In an hour I can do a split mount (getting into the ring with lots of upper body strength and flailing legs), the nest (hanging upside down in a star shape), and a pike dismount.

READY TO RUN AWAY WITH THE CIRCUS? A couple of days later my abs make a dramatic reappearance (we’ve been estranged since 2002) by aching. I can think of few workouts I’ve enjoyed more. If this is what circus life is all about, count me in.

HOW FIT? Christopher Wigan, ringmaster and founder of Flying Fantastic, confirms that aerial fitness is a full-body workout. “Arms, wrists, forearms, shoulders, glutes, quads, adductors and abductors, calves and ankles are all hard at it,” he says. “It’s an amazing workout for your back and your abs and strengthens your core as you work.”

DO IT: Flying Fantastic offers weekly 90-minute lessons in aerial hoops in Battersea and Farringdon every week for £20. flyingfantastic.co.uk

CIRCUS SKILL: Flying Trapeze Helen Elfer, Travel Editor DIFFICULTY: 3/5 Gorilla Circus runs a summer school in flying trapeze in Regent’s Park, but before we start flinging ourselves through the air, our group starts the lesson on a static trapeze which is, mercifully, very close to the floor. Gorilla Circus’s Deborah – who has abs that make Gwyneth Paltrow look like a cheeseburger-stuffing slob – demonstrates how to loop your legs over so the bar is tucked under the knees. Then you tip back, let go, lean upside down and kinda just hang out there. We all give it a go – it’s a piece of cake. But it’s a whole different ballgame doing that on a swing, 10m in the air.

My heart thumps as I climb the rickety ladder up to the flying trapeze and when I arrive at the top I can only stop my hands shaking by gripping the trapeze bar tightly. Tutor Ezra shouts, “Hup!” (circus speak for “go”) and I leap. Next thing the wind is whistling past, I seem to have lost my feet somewhere around my ears, and the green blur of Regent’s Park is swinging crazily back and forth. I realise I’ve been

ignoring Ezra’s shouted instructions – too busy thinking “weeeeeeeee!” Refocusing on his commands, I manage to locate my feet, put them over the bar, swing upside down for a bit – I’m feeling like a total superhero now – then let go, and land on the safety net.

READY TO RUN AWAY WITH THE CIRCUS? Absolutely! It’s a complete rush, and at the beginning stage at least, a lot easier than it looks.

HOW FIT? Gorilla Circus’s Ezra Trigg says flying trapeze is considered one of the most adrenaline-infused versions of body conditioning. As well as being jolly good fun, he says it can “improve flexibility, strength and is a massive stress reliever”.

DO IT: Gorilla Circus runs two-hour classes for beginners in Regent’s Park every week for £24. gorillacircus.com

High-flyer: travel ed Helen learns a new trapeze term, “weeeeee!”

›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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CIRCUS SKILL: Static trapeze Daisy Carrington, Lifestyle writer DIFFICULTY: 4/5 My dad built me a trapeze as a kid. I only ever dangled from my knees, but I was convinced I was a master, and put notices around my street offering lessons. Fast forward 25 years and I’m deflated as Moira, my instructor at AirCraft Circus in Woolwich, shows the real way to dangle. She makes it look effortless, but I know it’s going to be a challenge.

You first do a plank, which mean grasping the trapeze, lifting your legs off the ground, throwing them over your head in a straight line and then hooking them over the bar.

I start to get it after three tries, though my arms are spent.

Moira tsks. I’m flexible, she says, but my core is weak, and has me do some sit-ups while I dangle from my knees.

By the session’s end, I can sit and stand on the trapeze, and do some tricks. The mermaid (laying sideways on the bar, holding on with one hand, and doing a showy backbend) is especially scary. I am defeated by the trickier birds’ nest, where I’m to grip the ropes with my ankles and bend backwards. My

arms have had enough, and I come crashing down on a massive crash pad. Painless.

READY TO RUN AWAY WITH THE CIRCUS? Yes. Despite my fumbling, the class was fun, and it’s a killer workout. I’ve never used so many muscles at once, and the next day, everything is throbbing. The sixweek beginner course is tempting.

HOW FIT? Moira Campbell, co-director and trainer at AirCraft, says trapeze can do to muscles what the gym can’t. “You get these big guys who work out all the time come in and think trapeze will be easy,” she says. “But they soon find they don’t know how to use those muscles. It’s interactive and sparks your imagination more than 45 minutes on a treadmill ever will.”

DO IT: A taster course costs £30, or book a six-week beginner course for £130. aircraftcircus.com

Perched: TNT’s Daisy gets set for a birds’ nest with instructor Moira

EXTREME CIRCUS Here are some circus skills we definitely DON’T recommend that you learn JIM ROSE CIRCUS

CIRCUS OF HORRORS

DOC INSANE

Doc reckons his show is so extreme, This schlocky rock ‘n’ roll touring he’s been banned from countries, circus could be best described as Rocky although they did let him appear Horror meets a heavy metal video on The Charlotte Church Show. in a Big Top. The improbably named One of his favourite routines is to Hannibal Helmurto swings heavy put his face in a pile of smashed objects on a meat hook through his glass and ask an audience nose, while one reviewer wrote of “an member to stand on the back incident with a Henry vacuum cleaner of his head. See web for and a dwarf that you won’t be reading upcoming show dates. about in a family newspaper”. Comes circusinsane.t83.net to London in October. circusofhorrors.co.uk WATCH THE TNT TEAM IN TRAINING tntmagazine.com/tnt-tries-circus

Photos: TNT; Pooki Rae

Still touring today after it was founded in the early Nineties, Seattle’s Jim Rose is responsible for a modern-day version of the freakish sideshow, with performers including The Amazing Master Lifto, who hangs weights from his genital piercings, a guy called Torture King and The Enigma, a bloke willing to eat anything. Rose himself is probaly most famous for doing ridiculous things with chainsaws. Don’t try this at home should be assumed. jimrosecircus.com

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20/03/2012 14:51 17/05/2013 12:26:03

Award winning, Michelin starred restaurant requires

CHEF DE PARTIE

If you are interested in working with great food and in an energetic, friendly team please email your CV to patra@latrompette.co.uk

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

TNT Language School sponsored by

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DON’T MISS OUT Learn The Lingo courses, part of TNT’s Language School, are ideal for beginners or those who’d like to brush up on the basics

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26

TNT_1551_026 26

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17/05/2013 12:54:36

SPARETIME

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SPARETIME follow us on

@tntmagazine

Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D

Daft Punk: Random Access Memories

DS Game

Side-controlling platformer as the unlucky simian continues to battle away. £29.99 amazon.co.uk

CD

New record from the robotic electro-techno French folk.

Sure to be winsome. £10 amazon.com

Resident Evil: Revelations

The National: Trouble Will Find Us

Game

More zombie-smashing madness in this impossible to kill sci-fi franchise. £32.99 amazon.co.uk

CD

Sixth long player from the divine Brooklynbased miserablists. £9.50 amazon.co.uk

Zeebox Lee Child: A Wanted Man

iPad app

TV guide app that lets you know what others are watching, and saying.

FREE play.google.com

Book

Jack Reacher 17 hits paperback as the manmountain enforcer hitchhikes his way into trouble. £7.99 waterstones.com

Traktor DJ iPhone app

The home DJ tool makes the jump to the small screen £2.99 itunes.apple.com

Giovanna Fletcher: Billy And Me Book

A charming romance between a small town teashop girl and the actor who sweeps her off her feet. £6.99 amazon.co.uk

iWallet Gadget

iPhone 5 cover that doubles up as a wallet, too. Smart. £12.99 iwantoneofthose.com

Django Unchained DVD

Jellyfish Lamp

Tarantino’s racism-debatebaiting, ultra-violent western hits shiny disc. Enjoy. £9.95 play.com

Gadget

For an undersea spin on the perennial lava lamp fave. £14.99 menkind.co.uk

Playing For Keeps DVD

Gerard Butler goes for sports-drama pun overload in this clichéd but highly entertaining outing. £11.25 amazon.co.uk

App of the Week Evomail Xxxxx iPad Xxxxxx app

Are Xxxxxx you sick of having an email inbox that, despite your best efforts, is always £xx.xx [web] overflowing? This will sort it all out. £1.99 itunes.apple.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

27

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Another day at the office: Jonny Schofield left a career in engineering to teach rock climbing

Great outdoors How to make the most of England’s few months of sun (we hope!) and help others enjoy nature and exercise as much as you do Words ZOË SLATER

For those of you who can’t think of anything worse than being stuck inside at a desk all day and for whom staying active is a prerequisite, being an outdoor activity instructor could be the perfect job for you.

“Now is a good time to be considering a career in the outdoors,” says Andy Robinson, CEO of the Institute for Outdoor Learning. “There are clear movements in wider society to get adults into exercise to combat obesity and heart disease. Becoming an outdoor instructor is a great way of doing something that makes a difference.”

No matter how passionate you are about working outdoors – or how fit and skilled you are – it’s worth noting that if you do fancy being an instructor, 28

tntMagazine.com

you’ve got to be a positive, people person, too. Much of your role will involve motivating others and dealing with challenging situations – not to mention the crappy British weather!

Career change Meeting a variety of people and helping them to overcome different challenges is one of the things that instructor Jonny Schofield, 25, from Yorkshire loves most about his job.

Having left a graduate engineering programme earlier this year to become a rock climbing instructor at Bowles Outdoor Centre near Tunbridge Wells, in Kent, Schofield couldn’t be happier.

“My decision to leave my last job was based on the fact I didn’t want

to spend my 20s working behind a desk for 10 hours a day,” he says. “When my expectations of my ‘dream job’ didn’t materialise, I decided to go back to what I enjoyed the most and that was working with people and teaching them new skills.”

He adds that the industry provides opportunities to travel all over the world. “The seasonal demand for jobs means there’s a great variety to my work over the course of a year,” he says.

“It sure beats sitting in an office!”

Schofield, who plans to work as a ski instructor in the Alps, Canada or Japan when he finishes at Bowles in November, says it’s important to do your research and find the right job for you. “There are some fantastic

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On the job Leo Bedford

Career DJ & founder of Itchy Feet Events Age 27 Lives Whitechapel From Brighton How did you get into your line of work?

Through DJing mainly. With Itchy Feet, I found something where I was able to turn my main passion into a business. It happened organically.

Water baby: Sally Jones teaches sports such as sailing and (right) SUP

opportunities at similar centres to Bowles that will invest in your skills and allow you to work while you gain more qualifications and experience,” he says.

“This will make you more employable to the type of companies that need seasonal staff.”

Getting started

london calling While being an outdoor activity instructor enables you to work in the countryside or work internationally, you don’t have to leave London to have a career in the great outdoors. Canalside Activity Centre in west London (rbkc.gov.uk/canalside) and Shadwell Basin Outdoor Activity Centre (shadwell-basin.org.uk) in the east are just two of the options within the M25. Hillingdon Outdoor Activities Centre, near Ruislip, provides prerequisite training for instructors and offers trainee instructor schemes between April and October (hoac.net).

Although there are no entry requirements to be an instructor, employers will want skills in at least one outdoor activity – the more you offer the better.

“It’s best to try a few activities first and decide what you like best,” says Sally Jones, 29, a chief instructor at Hillingdon Outdoor Activities Centre who specialises in watersports. “People normally start off with one activity and then develop their portfolio further.”

Jones, who has worked at Hillingdon for nine years, originally trained in her home county of Essex. As she knew she wanted to be an outdoor instructor when she left school, she took a course in Advanced Leisure and Recreation at Colchester Institute and a sailing course at UKSA in Cowes, Isle of Wight.

However, she gained many of her skills while working at two outdoor centres on the east coast. Schofield also learned a lot while working at Camp America in the US during his uni holidays.

Next steps

If you like the sound of all this, there are plenty of organisations, such as the Institute for Outdoor Learning (outdoor-learning.org), Skills Active (skillsactive. com) and Sport England (sportengland.org), to help you get started. If you want to work with children or young people, you’ll need Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) clearance, too.

With salaries starting at £12,000 and reaching a high of about £24,000, you don’t become an outdoor activity instructor for the money, but, as Schofield says, you’ll be NEXT WEEK able to “work towards a great lifestyle rather Social summer: Best sport clubs than riches”.

FOR MORE OUTDOOR JOBS

What do you do day-to-day?

I spend a couple of days a week doing the business grind of accounts and admin, but the rest of it I get to spend being creative, working on events, DJing and expanding our presence in London.

What’s the most rewarding part?

As a businessman, knowing that we’ve created a brand people know and love makes me very proud.

What’s the most challenging?

Keeping the company moving forward. It’s easy to get lost in the admin, and before you know it, six months has passed, and the company hasn’t progressed. itchyfeetonline.co.uk

How to...

MANAGE EMAILS Is your inbox the bane of your working life? Try these simple tips to save precious hours

• Check your email at set times during the day so that you’re not constantly interrupted.

• If an email takes less than two minutes to read, deal with it right away. If it’s longer, schedule a time slot in your day to deal with it.

• File emails in folders that

create an informal ‘to-do list’, with names such as ‘action’ and ‘read’, for example.

tntmagazine.com/outdoor-jobs

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29

tntjobs.co.uk SKI JOBS FRANCE T: 07824 68 1228 www.skijobsfrance.com.au

JOB OF THE WEEK: Ski Jobs in France Location: French Alps Salary: Competitive Package

Ski Jobs France supports Aussies, Kiwis and Canadians to organise a working holiday in France. Guaranteed job or your money back.

Employers are recruiting now for ski jobs in hotels, bars, restaurants, chalets, airport transfers & ski shops. Dec to May. French speaking not essential, but helps.

Assistance applying for French visa. Escape the grey British winter.

Visit www.skijobsfrance.com.au for more info & email info@skijobsfrance.com.au

ORIGIN T: 020 7617 7894 www.origincare.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Location: London & South East Salary: £574 per week

Live-in roles typically of 2 weeks on and 1 week off. Free specialist training provided with Origin, a dedicated company established over 10 years.

Our clients are young adults with a spinal injury. We need positive people to help them live independently. Free accommodation, food and refunded travel expenses!

Promotional prospects and higher rates of pay available.

WOMA UK LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Quality Technician/Fitter/Fabricator/Welder Location: West Portway Industrial Estate, Andover Salary: £18.00 - £28.00 per hour depending on skill level.

T: 01264 369828 www.woma.uk.com Woma (UK) Ltd manufactures Ultra High Pressure Water Jetting, Ofshore Water Jetting, Hydrodemolition, Air and Power generation equipment, for a variety of industries.

John Hardy | 020 7617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

Install, fit, test, assemble, commission, maintain and repair mechanical systems and equipment in accordance with regulations and specifications. Carry out work to the satisfaction of the customer and the management team.

• Analyse job cards to determine job status, work to detailed engineering drawings.

• Test hydro-mechanical equipment to troubleshoot known or suspected problems.

• Disassemble hydro-mechanical equipment noting parts identification, configuration & condition.

• Replace & repair worn or defective mechanical assemblies.

• Requisition of replacement parts. • Operate specialised equipment.

• Set up & operate Fabricating / Welding equipment & any associated Machine tools.

• Work from Documents to assemble & weld a variety of metals & structures.

• Check conformance of work to specifications. • You must be flexible in your working hours • You will have experience of and be competent in MIG, TIG and ARC Welding.

• You must be committed to adhering to Risk Assessments, Method Statements and Work Instructions completing all relevant Job paperwork.

• Must be time served and completed a full trade apprenticeship.

Andrew Cooke | allison.barham@woma.uk.com | 01264 369828

BROADWAY GROUP T: 07710 640922 www.broadwaybandg.co.uk We are a high street bar specialising in great beer, classic cocktails and Southern American inspired food.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Broadway House Supervisor Location: Broadway House - Fulham Salary: Competitive The ideal candidate will currently be a junior manager or aspiring Supervisor in a current premises looking to progress to that next level. The right candidate will be responsible for running shifts in the absence of AGM/GM supervision, cash handling and cashing up responsibilities and stock control and monitoring. This list is not exhaustive.

Ciara Hipwell, AGM Broadway House, ciara@broadway-house.com

WAAP EVENT SERVICES LIMITED

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Erector Location: National Salary: On Application

T: 01273 665 473

Crew needed to work from June to September building marquees on sites UK wide.

The job involves regular periods away from home. If you enjoy travelling and physical work, email waap@live.co.uk for an application form.

An established supplier of marquees to music festivals, (Glastonbury, Latitude, Leeds & Reading, V Festivals & T in the Park and many more) outdoor events and film locations, WAAP operates on sites throughout the UK.

Please email: Yvonne@waap.co.uk for an application form.

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

TNT_1551_030 30

JOBS 17/05/2013 13:33:04

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

LIFESTYLEMONEY

MONKEY MADNESS Bag 10 per cent off activities at any of Britain’s Go Ape! forest adventure xxxxxxxxx parks by booking online with the code TOPDAY. Xxxxxxxxxxx Valid any Monday to Friday in 2013, and the 10 per cent off applies per person. Not valid for the xxxxxxxxx Forest Segway adventure in Woburn. Offer expires Xxxxxxxxxxx December 31, so you’ve got some time to make it happen. Go and check out goape.co.uk for more. xxxxxxxxx

Hattie Ladd, 23

MEDITERRANEAN MAGIC Xxxxxxxxxxx You’ll have to be quick to catch this one, but ubiquitous Italian chain restaurant Zizzi is offering xxxxxxxxx a generous 25 per cent off your food bill if you Xxxxxxxxxxx register your deets on the website, zizzi.co.uk. They’ll email you a voucher, so get on it – the deal expires this Thursday. Mmm, shall we get pizza or pasta ... ?

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

I buy a lot of different moisturisers for different body parts. And cocktails.

FREE BOOZE! FOR REAL! Another limited offer worth grabbing is a free glass of Pimm’s and lemonade or a gratis pint of Budvar at Pitcher and Piano bars in London. All you have to do is register your email address at pitcherandpiano.com, but the deal expires Friday, so move fast if you want to drink up. Find branches in the City and Richmond.

Job Artist From Brighton Lives London How do you budget?

I have a complicated web of bank accounts, but it’s a system that works for me.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Drink at home and find loads of good free gigs to go to. And get a cheap hobby like writing poetry or walking.

What was your last big blow-out?

I spent £70 on one shirt not long ago which I thought was a bit much, but it does look beautiful.

how THEY spend it!

Facelift fork-outs Former glamour model Alicia Douvall recently said she’d spent about £1m on plastic surgery over the years, but later appeared to have had her nose and cheek implants removed

Douvall: it cost £1m to look this cheap

❚ The Hills ‘star’ Heidi Montag says she spent £2600-a-day for two months on at-home aftercare following her infamous 10 plastic surgery procedures in just one day.

❚ Former Dollar pop singer and I’m A Celebrity ... contestant David Van Day spent a whopping £18,600 on a face and eyelid lift, hair transplant and eyebags surgery to bely his 56 years.

❚ Hollywood bad boy Mickey Rourke admitted he needed five ops on his nose and one on a smashed cheekbone thanks to his boxing career, setting him back tens of thousands of pounds.

❚ Simply having eyes will suggest Michael Jackson may have had a bit of work done on his nose, with such procedures at Beverly Hills clinics estimated at a not insignificant £21,000 a pop.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

31

LIFESTYLEliving

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Home

Style

Bangin’ boroughs

.00

£39

Musical wine glasses Play them pitch-perfect culturelabel.com

.95

£24

Thousands of pretty young things are flying solo in London, but where are they?

Words ZOË SLATER

Corkboard wall map Pin up your travel pics follyhome.co.uk

If you’re single and ready to mingle, there’s no doubt London is a great place to live. But with 32 boroughs to choose from, it’s hard to know where to start the hunt. So we’ve compiled a handy guide to the hottest spots to set up in the city if you want to increase your chances of loving thy neighbour.

Hackney

.95

£19

North Light candlesticks Make candles extra-bright liberty.co.uk

.95

£12

Egg separator Sucks up the yolk, leaves the white prezzybox.com

32

tntMagazine.com

FIT FACTOR: It’s hardly a news flash that the east is full of hot young things with their trendy haircuts and alternative attire.

However, the 2011 Census found that it is also the borough with the fewest people registered as living in a couple – just 37.7 per cent to be precise. Game on.

MAKE A DATE: If the thought of heading east floats your boat, there are plenty of places to go for those of you looking for love – or just a good time. London Fields is one of Hackney’s most popular parks. With a heated outdoor pool, barbecue area and a wildflower meadow scheduled to open in July, it’s the perfect place to while away a few hours in the summer – and have a perv on fellow sunbathing hotties.

Seeing as you’re in London’s hipster hotspot, taking a date to your bog-standard restaurant or bar isn’t going to cut it – you’ll need to find the latest pop-up. Try Mussel Men (musselmen.com) at Brew For Two just off Mare Street for seafood, prosecco and a strawberry-smothered waffle to share (all sexy stuff, plus you can prove your physical prowess by challenging Mussel Men founder Captain Bob to a thumb war. It’s a thing).

Free and single? Clapham Common is a haven of fun-loving young ‘uns

RENT: In Hackney, love comes cheapish: average three-bed flatshare is £650pm.

Southwark (London Bridge) FIT FACTOR: Brett Harding, managing director and co-founder of dating site Lovestruck, says: “London Bridge is currently the hottest spot for London’s singles.” This is based on the findings on Lovestruck’s Lovemap (londonlovemap.com), which shows where single Londoners have ‘winked’ at each other from their smartphone app.

MAKE A DATE: Tom Backlog, manager of the London Bridge branch of the estate agents Hastings International, thinks the reason there is so much action in the area might be because many of its residents work long hours in the City. Like a rolling-in-it

London Fields: the party park

man in a sharp suit or a high-flying woman who’s immaculately put together? This is the borough for you.

It’s a top spot for a date, too. “From the Tate Modern museum (tate.org.uk) and the

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your view Jessica Boyle

PRODUCTION MANAGER

24

“With all the rowing clubs and great pubs, Chiswick is the perfect place to find men in the summer.”

DAVID POULTON ACCOUNT MANAGER 31

Shard (the-shard.com) to one of the oldest inns in London, The George (gkpubs.co.uk), and Borough Market (boroughmarket.org.uk), SE1 has it all,” Backlog says.

RENT: The area isn’t quite as attractive as the people working in it, so you can bag a deal – the average three-bed flatshare is around £583pm.

Photos: TNT; Getty

Lambeth FIT FACTOR: “The stereotype about Clapham being full of young Aussies and Kiwis is true,” says Richard Acosta, sales negotiator at estate agents Kinleigh Folkward & Hayward, “and I can see why they like it here. The area has good transport links and great nightlife.”

The borough of Lambeth, which also includes the areas around Brixton, boasts a massive 61.7 per cent of residents registered as not living as part of a couple. Locals live up to this suggestion of footloose and fancy-free, being typically laid-back and up for a laugh in Clapham’s cheap and cheerful bars and pubs.

MAKE A DATE: There are plenty of places to go if you’re on the pull, starting with the beloved meat market – and we use the term affectionately – Infernos (infernos.co.uk). The Sun in Clapham’s Old Town is a favourite with locals (thesunclapham.co.uk) and the sushi at Tsunami (tsunamirestaurant.co.uk) is sure to sweep your date away.

RENT: Save cash to splash on your heart’s desire – the average three-bed flatshare here is £599pm.

Red hot: a place to pull

“St James’s Park is full of beautiful people in the summer and it’s a lovely place for a picnic date.”

jonathan

Simkins

management consultant

Islington FIT FACTOR: “Islington is one of the most popular areas to live in London,” says Chesterton Humberts estate agents associate Jonathan Rogers. “I imagine it’s a great place to be single … it’s full of young professionals and there are lots of great bars.”

With just 39.9 per cent of residents living as a couple, it’s safe to say this is a wise move if you’re looking for love. The singletons may not sport as many rock ‘n’ roll creases as their eastern neighbours, but you’ll find likeminded souls up for a good time.

MAKE A DATE: The packed bars and eateries in Upper Street are a good start, or The Old Queen’s Head (theoldqueenshead.com) on Essex Road, a Grade II-listed pub with live indie music and cocktails. If you want a nice restaurant for a sophisticated date, Frederick’s (fredericks.co.uk) serves posh nosh and boasts a secluded garden to get romantic in.

NEXT WEEK RENT: Relationships are an Quirky digs: investment – the average London’s coolest homes to rent three-bed share is £715pm.

HOW AND WHERE TO HOOK UP HERE tntmagazine.com/pulling-in-london

25

“Head south of the river to Vauxhall and Brixton if you’re attracted to a toned torso.”

YOUR VIEW FROM facebook.com/tntmag

Suzette La Pierre: The men in Clapham are so hot! Or should that be some of the men! And I’m from North London – go figure haha.

Paul DeGroot: Clapham is the best. An international collection of women who are there for a good time.

Samantha Hussey: Canary Wharf has some fab men! If you like a guy in a suit it’s the place to go!

Could also bag yourself a guy with a good wage packet too ... with all those banks around!

Paul Udaka Athur: Used to be Hampstead and Golders Green.

join the conversation tntmagazine.com/fitlondon

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33

WORLDVIEW

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What a drag: It’s like that massive night in Thailand. Dressed as a female flight attendant at Perth Airport, Virgin boss Richard Branson pays the price for a lost bet over Formula One with AirAsia owner Tony Fernandes. He went on to work on an AirAsia flight in the get-up.

Feline stupid: cop with cat

cop stuck up tree rescuing cat United states

You’ve heard the one about the cat stuck up a tree – how about the one where the police officer gets stuck up a tree trying to rescue said kitty?

That’s what happened to one red-faced cop in Queens, New York. Having heard the fur ball crying for help, the officer braved the heights of a tree to try to save the moggy. However, he ended up having to make a 911 call to the fire department after climbing one branch too many.

Firefighters had to use a bucket ladder to get the man and cat down.

Unsurprisingly, the New York Police Department refused to comment. tweets of the week @scalzi Being cranky about a Dan Brown book not being high literature is like is like yelling at a cupcake for not being salad @BretEastonEllis Baz Luhrmann’s awful The Great Gatsby seems like some kind of ghastly Illuminati prank with Leo fighting against it and losing, decimated

unborn baby saves family from blaze new zealand

A couple expecting a baby have escaped a house fire, putting their good fortune down to labour pains.

The New Zealand man and his wife fell asleep in front of the fire in the living room to help with his pregnant wife’s discomfort.

As they slept, the chimney caught alight and the resulting smoke woke the man from his sleep.“The only reason I noticed it was because the paint started bubbling up. I fix cars and do welding so I knew 34

tntMagazine.com

bubbling meant heat,” the unnamed father from Mount Maunganui said. “If I’d been asleep in the bedroom, there’s no way I would have woken up.”

The couple escaped from their home, which was not fitted with smoke alarms.

You could argue that if it wasn’t for the baby pains, the couple may not have lit a fire in the first place. Still, we musn’t let that get in the way of a good headline.

drunk man films charge at elephant south africa

Animal rights campaigners have expressed anger after a man was filmed charging at an elephant in South Africa’s Kruger National Park.

The video shows the apparently

inebriated safari guide running towards the animal before falling over and attempting to run back to the jeep.

The elephant appears to be about to charge before the man rounds on him and charges again, sending the beast off in the opposite direction.

The man’s friends react with jubilation and he is seen high-fiving a fellow worker.

Singita Game Reserve, who employed the man, condemned his behaviour and said he no longer worked there.

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THIS WEEK

Wanted: strapping farm workers

IN NUMBERS 200

Distance, in miles, a Ryanair plane was diverted after pilot told passengers it was too dark to land at Kefalonia

Price, in millions of pounds, of 4km-long Daydream Island, in Queensland, which has gone up for sale

AUSSIES SHY FROM KIWI FARM COMP

66

AUSTRALASIA

Maybe it’s because they think they’ll lose, but Australian farmers are shying away from New Zealand’s hottest rural bachelor competition.

Just one bloke from Victoria has thrown his hat in the ring after it was opened up to those living across the Tasman. They’ll compete alongside Kiwis for the popular National Agricultural Fieldays event, which has been running for 10 years.

“I’m not sure if they’re just intimidated by the local competition or what,” communications executive Vicki Annison said. “But they’re certainly not coming forward, which is quite a surprise.”

After a week of testing contestants’ farming prowess, eight finalists will be vying for the title along with £10k in prizes.

VORTEX OPENS UP ON BRIGHTON STREET...

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

UNITED KINGDOM

A concerned resident in Brighton has complained about a “wormhole or vortex” opening up in their street.

The odd complaint was made on the council’s maintenance issues site Fix My Street. “I was walking my affenpinscher [a breed of dog] ... when I noticed that a wormhole or vortex has opened up on Montreal Road,” the resident wrote.

“On closer inspection it seems to be some kind of portal to other times, places and dimensions. I would have investigated

Number, in millions, of players Candy Crush Saga has worldwide, making it the mostplayed digital game

Size, in square metres, of a bright-pink replica of Barbie The Dreamhouse Experience, which has opened in Florida

Wormhole: seen in Brighton? further but I was concerned my little dog would be sucked into it.”

Brighton and Hove City Council said they will not be investigating the complaint. Wonder why.

AFL HEALY’S LIVE ‘GOLD C**TS’ GAFFE AUSTRALIA

Respected AFL commentator Gerard Healy somehow managed a c-bomb when trying to say “Gold Coast Suns” during a live cross last weekend.

In a video clip which has gone viral (watch it at tntmagazine.com), Healy was engaging in some pre-match punditry on the Fox Footy channel before his random gaffe left his co-commentators aghast.

The football expert managed to mangle the name of the AFL’s 17th team, calling them the “Gold C**ts”, before correcting himself live on air, much to the amusement of co-commentator Anthony Hudson.

75

1000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK @angelinajolie thank you for sharing your story and helping women around the world.

Inspirational Breast cancer survivor Kylie Minogue tweets her salute to the Hollywood actress after Jolie revealed she underwent a double mastectomy

They call it the daily grind for a reason, but don’t let office tedium get you down, check out TNT online for the best bizarre headlines and awesome features every day.

Do your co-workers a favour and log on to tntmagazine.com

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With the Lions Tour of Oz starting next month, we round up their greatest ever moments

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Long showers: it’s all fun and games until your bevvies come from the bog

Stop wasting water before we’re drinking toilet waste

Photo: Thinkstock

It’s our fault when Thames Water starts serving up dunny drink

When I joke to my housemate that he must be the cleanest bloke in the world as steam streams into the house, after another hour-long shower that leaves every object in the bathroom drenched (even toilet paper), I’m not really joking.

Sure, he might be clean, and we both have a little chuckle about it, but the frivolous pouring of water down the drain in this country by many is baffling to someone who grew up in country NSW, where water restrictions were normal, tanks were standard, sprinklers were a decoration (usually banned) and three to five minutes was plenty for a shower.

Water shortages in the UK are no secret, and just like last year – when river levels were under the previous record low in 1976 – forecasters say another drought is imminent.

When the water table’s empty, water companies drain the rivers, and only rain can fix it.

The other solution is that we use less of it. Maybe since it’s cloudier, greener and cricket gets called off more, people don’t take it as seriously as they should. A ‘hose-pipe ban’ is a hassle to friends I speak to, not a necessary action when we use more of the wet stuff than the sky gives us. A dripping tap is a washer too far from worth bothering to fix.

So it was with a hint of smugness that I received the news London’s drinking water is likely to come from the toilet in future, after Thames Water proposed a plan to treat H2O from the shitter, pour it back into the Thames, and treat it again, for us to drink. Grey water recycling isn’t a new thing in the world, but it is here. TW asked the community for feedback, but I suspect what they’re doing is forecasting reality and giving the public a bit of a scare – stop wasting this stuff or you’ll be sipping poo water from the cooler.

As London’s population swells to 10 million, the city’s water deficit, if nothing changes, is forecast to be two per cent (125 million litres a day) by 2020 and 16 per cent (367 million litres per day, the current needs of 2.2 million people) by 2040. That’s gotta make one rethink a shower that could clean 10 elephants. What’s he doing in there anyway? » Agree or disagree? Are you happy to drink treated toilet water? letters@tntmagazine.com

CORONER’S FINDING A BIG MUSIC LESSON You’ve probably got headphones in right now. Bopping away thinking, who is this dickhead? Someone’s saying excuse me to get by and out at their stop, but you can’t hear. They bump past you. What a bastard!

Soon you’re walking upstairs, checking your phone and texting the friend you’ll see in two minutes. Now you’re at a crossing, and Get Lucky by Daft Punk comes on.

Tune! You start to cross the road and notice the friend you’re seeing in one minute has just sent you a winky face. Cute. Then a car smashes into you, and you’re dead.

A coroner’s tragic finding last week that

“

No one dies waiting for a winky face text

”

Hertfordshire 15-year-old Katie Littlewood couldn’t hear the train that hit her at a crossing last year because she was likely listening to her iPod (a Blackberry was also found next to her) is a reminder that no song’s worth dying for, and that no one will perish if they have to wait five minutes to receive your winky-faced reply.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The real Australia TNT chats with adventurer Simon Reeve about the biggest challenges facing the country ahead of his latest TV series WORDS CAROL DRIVER

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

that’s been so affected by mankind as Australia.” Included in that destruction, Reeve highlights, is what will be the aftermath of the country’s current resources boom, the billion-dollar mining industry in Western Australia, which “popped up endlessly” during his time there. He explains: “You can’t zoom around the country and not be confronted by it at every turn – whether it’s a British bin-man from Hull who’s earning a hefty salary teaching people to drive trucks in mines, or a giant hole in the ground in what’s said to be the richest square mile in the planet.”

Reeve, who held a seminar at the TNT Travel Show last

“

When the boom ends, what will be left?

”

year, asks whether it will be worth it all in the end; or whether the get-rich-quick mentality will result in a huge ecological disaster. “We’re killing off every other aspect of life, whether it’s the farming or manufacturing industry, so we can play this resources game, and when that boom ends, what are we going to be left with?”

The demand for Australia’s resources is thanks to its proximity to Asia, that it’s “on the edge of the most dynamic region of the world”. That also contributed to what surprised Reeve the most about Australia – its demographic. He calls the fact that more than 10 per cent of its residents are AsianAustralians a “massive change”.

He says: “I think Brits have got an image of Australia that’s largely the result of Australian propaganda in the form of soap operas and small poppy singers and beer adverts.

“They imagine Australia to be a little bit of Europe on the other side of the planet, a warmer version of Fifties Britain.

Photos: BBC

Australia is yet to wake up to the massive threat posed to the Great Barrier Reef, according to Simon Reeve. The adventurer TV presenter is launching his new BBC series, in which he journeys around the country, with the aim of putting paid to the misconception he says the Brits have that Australia is all about “cricket and kangaroos”.

In terms of ecology, the reef should be Australia’s biggest concern, the journalist claims. “It’s taking a hammering from our changing climate, from cyclones, from changing temperatures,” Reeve tells TNT. “But also from agricultural runoff which is changing the reef in bizarre ways.

“Conservationists think this is leading to an explosion of the crown-of-thorn starfish. Farmers are putting fertiliser on their land in Queensland, which is running into the sea and that’s leading to a growth in algae, which means more food for the starfish, that then destroy the coral reef.

“This is happening on modern Australia’s watch and the Great Barrier Reef is the single most impressive and extraordinary natural phenomenon on the planet. It would be an epic disaster if the reef was to be badly damaged or lost; that would be unthinkable.”

Following on from his successful Indian Ocean series, the three-part Australia With Simon Reeve will be broadcast on BBC2 at 9pm on Sundays (starting last night), showing a journey that took Reeve from the ‘red centre’ of the country south to the wine region, then west to Perth. On the second episode he travels across the remote and wild north to the Great Barrier Reef. And his third takes him down the east coast to Sydney and Melbourne.

What most shocked the award-winning author was the destruction of wildlife and the environment in Australia, which is going on at a “phenomenal rate”, largely as a result of creatures being introduced to the country that don’t belong there – including the poisonous feral cane toads. He says: “I struggle to think of anywhere on a comparable size

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For more than 12 weeks, TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine.com/ukba. Eight weeks ago it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas.

In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same.

Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that: CAMPAIG NTTCAMPAIGNN • TN • TT •• T

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition.

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“But it’s multicultural, it’s diverse and that’s still not reflected in things like the soap operas, so people still have this old, white view of the place, but you walk around Melbourne or any of the cities and it can feel like you’re in Hong Kong or Kuala Lumpur.”

But underneath the ‘newness and shininess’ of modern Australia, there are demons lurking, Reeve says, having spent time with Aboriginal communities for the series.

“The ongoing suffering of Australia’s first people is an enormous issue for the country that Australia still hasn’t got a grip on,” he says.

“It’s something the country really has got to sort out. And it’s not a case of just throwing money at it, it’s Aboriginal leaders needing to lift their people out of the suffering they’re stuck in. It’s no use everybody just blaming the state and blaming the authorities, everybody needs to get involved and fix it and it does need fixing.”

Although the documentary series also sees the journalist, whose previous TV series have seen him encounter countries in conflict during times of instability, come face-to-face with dangerous creatures such as box jellyfish, as well as “big burly” biker gangs and the Outback during his tour, Reeve maintains that Australia is a safer country than most Brits think. “Australians love teasing poms with terrifying tales,” he says. (Although Reeve admits he hadn’t been told about the infamous drop-bear gag.) “In reality, so long as you don’t go swimming in creeks with saltwater crocodiles, you’re going to be OK.” So how does the country compare to the others Reeve has travelled? “It’s magnificent and vast and exotic but familiar enough to make for a great adventure for almost anyone,” he says. “Australia stands up among the most exotic and adventurous destinations on the planet.”

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New show: Reeve at Uluru; with a box jellyfish; and a biker gang

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Aussie kiteboard racer Jordan Girdis in action in last week’s KTA Series on Pingtan Island Fuzhou, China

Dortmund days: Ned Zelic

champions league final preview: zelic football

With Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich in London this week to decide the best club in Europe, TNT thought who better to give us the inside word than former Socceroo Ned Zelic?

Zelic played 72 games for Dortmund, the underdogs in Saturday’s clash at Wembley, and 102 times for Bayern’s cross-town rivals 1860 Munich during his journeyman career. After both sides knocked off Spain’s Barcelona and Real Madrid in the semis, Zelic reckons he was more impressed than surprised. “I expected Bayern to do as well as they have,” said the SBS TV analyst. “I was at the final last year for SBS and know losing that [to Chelsea on penalties] was eating them inside. Then they lost the Bundelsliga [to Dortmund], so they’ve pulled out all stops to correct that.”

As for Dortmund: “It’s great to see them there. I spoke to [Jugen] Klopp about the style they were hoping to play a couple of years ago, and they’ve been playing sensational football … I just didn’t expect them to get to the final.”

Despite being outsiders for the title, Zelic said Dortmund have an advantage over other Euro clubs. “They known Bayern’s game so well, which gives them a big advantage over other CL teams.”

No surprises who he’ll be supporting then? “Dortmund fans are amazing. It’s a crazy football town. People still know you and thank you for what you did 20 years ago, but I have a lot of respect for Bayern from time at 1860. It’s a tremendous club, so professional. But I’ve got a soft spot for Dortmund and I’d love to see them win it.”

Champions League Final: Borussia Dortmund v Bayern Munich, Saturday, May 25, kick-off 7.45pm, ITV 40

tntMagazine.com

monte carlo a top chance for webber formula one

Will Monaco be the Grand Prix that turns Mark Webber’s season to forget, unless you love headlines, around?

Red Bull’s second-string driver won the glam Monte Carlo event in 2012, beating teammate Sebastian Vettel and Ferrari’s Fernando Alonso, into third and fourth.

The win was the third successive victory there for Red Bull, and the experience of Webber shone through when rain fell on the tricky street track in the latter stages.

The closest Webber has come to a win this year was when he led Vettell in Malaysia and the German disobeyed team orders not to pass him to win.

Monaco GP airs May 26 on Sky Sports.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

New Zealand football captain Rebecca Smith’s Wolfburg will line up at Stamford Bridge on Thursday against Lyon in the UEFA Women’s Champions League Final.

Sadly for the White Ferns defender, she’ll be missing through injury, and will have to settle with being at the heart of a defence that conceded 15 goals in 21 games to take the first women’s Bundesliga title for her club.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I don’t care how long it takes I’m desperate to play for Queensland South Sydney Rabbitoh Chris McQueen was given a chance to play for England in the upcoming rugby league World Cup. You can take the boy out of Kingaroy, but…

Big hit: Chris Gayle

PREVIEW IPL HEATS UP FOR SERIES DECIDERS INDIAN PREMIER LEAGUE 6

TUE/WED/FRI/SUN, ITV4 The Indian Premier League will have its sixth winner by Sunday evening after the 2013 grand final.

Despite a tight table after the round robin stages, the top three teams were decided – with Ricky Ponting’s Mumbai Indians, MS Dhoni’s Chennai Super Kings and Raul Dravid’s Rajastan Royals qualifying. This guarantees organisers of seeing Sachin Tendulker and Lasith Malinga (Indians), Mike Hussey and Dwayne Bravo

(Kings) and Shane Watson and James Faulkner (Royals).

It will take the weekend’s results to reveal whether or not the star of the tournament, batsman Chris Gayle, will appear for the Royal Challengers Bangalore, or if the Sunrisers Hyderabad will snatch the fourth finals birth.

The teams ranked one and two will play on Tuesday, with the loser of that match playing the winner of Wednesday’s clash between the third and fourth side (loser of that is out) on Friday. The final is live on Sunday. All games start at 3.30pm UK time.

THE CHAT | What’s happening, Harry?

I’m thankful to PSG for giving me the opportunity to continue but I feel now is the right time to finish my career, playing at the highest level David Beckham ended his playing career a Ligue 1 winner, even after being offered a contract extension by Paris Saint Germain

I’m very ashamed and embarrassed, and paid a very big price for it …

I’ve only got myself to blame Superstar jockey Frankie Dettori admitting he took cocaine and why to Clare Balding in a Channel 4 interview

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL Once the brightest young thing in football at Q Leeds then Liverpool, is Harry Kewell trying to prolong his career too long?

At 34, Kewell should have a few years in him, but he’s A struggling to find a club after leaving Melbourne Victory to be back in the UK for his wife’s family in June last year. His only match time since has been with Qatari side Al Gharafa, who released him last week after a month – he was contracted to fill in for Mark Bresciano, who’s better, and the season’s at an end. While he still has hopes of being part of the Socceroos’ World Cup qualifiers, he’ll need a club if he’s any chance of being considered. A-League club Newcastle Jets and Melbourne Heart have been reported as the most likely suitors.

Scottish Cup Final Hibernian v Celtic Sun, 3pm, Sky Sports 3

RUGBY LEAGUE Sydney v Melbourne NRL action with two title contenders Sat, 10.30am, Premier Sports

RUGBY UNION Clubless: Harry Kewell

Rugby Championship Play-off Bedford or Newcastle will go up Thur, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 4 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

41

Pride of the Lions Great Britain and Ireland rugby takes on the Wallabies every 12 years – Lions legend Scott Quinnell tells TNT why it matters so much WORDS MICHAEL GADD

A smile and satisfied nod from former Welsh international Scott Quinnell (see above) was one of the more moving moments of the last British and Irish Lions tour of Australia in 2001. Just to be there – he left the 1997 tour of South Africa through injury, got told he should retire due to dodgy knees, but decided to play on for four years to pull on a Lions jersey again – was an inspiration. To score a try in the first Test victory over the Wallabies was gravy. But ask him about it now, and he’s still dirty he and his mates lost the series.

“It’s a wonderful memory,” the now Sky Sports analyst, 41, tells TNT ahead of this year’s 10-match tour Down Under.

“When you pull on that jersey, it’s special. For me, coming back after injury, the disappointment of not making the [Wales] Test side, then playing the first [Lions] Test was a career highlight. And to sneak over for a try was equally as good. But it was disappointing to lose the series, it slipped away from us. Whenever you pull on a Lions jersey you have to look back at it with pride, but that was one that got away.”

That 2001 tour was a beauty. The Brits took the first Test in Brisbane 29-13, with Quinnell scoring the clincher and a guy called Jonny Wilkinson (more on him later) clearing the posts four times to put it beyond doubt. But John Eales’ Aussies pulled themselves together for Melbourne, winning 35-14, and the decider in Sydney 29-23 – the scores were locked at 23-all and only broken by two late Matthew Burke penalties. The heartbroken Lions had 12 years to wait to bite back – how much they care is hard to fathom for neutrals, but Quinnell says there’s no question it’s the pinnacle.

“You meet each other every four years [series are also played against New Zealand and South Africa every 12 years] and you get one opportunity to come together as a team,” Quinnell says. “If you’re lucky enough to get on a Lions tour, you’re playing with guys you respect so much. You’re not just representing the three million in Wales but the 70 or so million in Great Britain and Ireland. It’s a very special feeling.”

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Just two months ago, these sides – especially Wales and England, who make up the majority of the Lions squad – were beating each other to a pulp for the Six Nations title. And we’re supposed to believe that’s gone come touring time.

“Yes, it’s all forgotten,” Quinnell says. “When you get named, you want to get out there, you’re one of the best 37 players in GB and Ireland.” But it’s not all one big love-in, he admits. “You have to keep your wits,” he says. “Training’s very difficult. You beat each other up in training, that’s what it’s all about, because the competition is on for a Test spot.”

The first battle to impress coach Warren Gatland ahead of the first Test on June 22 begins on June 1 in Hong Kong

“

When you pull on that jersey, it’s special

”

against a Barbarians side, in a match marking 125 years since the first Lions team travelled. The tussle for Test spots is so fierce, captain Sam Warburton (the youngest ever to lead the Lions at age 24) admits even his place isn’t guaranteed.

When the squad was named, there were few surprises, but two notable omissions from the 10 England players picked – England captain Chris Robshaw and Wilkinson, who despite being retired from England duty could play for the Lions. Least controversially, 15 in the squad were from Wales.

“Every player picked is good enough,” Quinnell says. “The squad tends to be dominated by whatever side is playing well, and that’s the case here. They’re playing well and have done not just in the Six Nations but for the last couple of years. The challenge now is for the 10 English, nine Irish and three Scots to come together as a team and back each other up.”

Lions Tour Down Under 2013 Barbarians Hong Kong, Sat June 1, Sky Sports 1, 12pm

Western Force Perth, Wed June 5, Sky Sports 1, 10.30am

Queensland Reds

Fleet-footed: Wallabies star James O’Connor

Brisbane, Sat June 8, Sky Sports 2, 10.30am

Combined NSW-Qld Country Newcastle, Tue June 11, Sky Sports 2, 10am

NSW Waratahs Sydney, Sat June 15, Sky Sports 2, 10.30am

ACT Brumbies Canberra, Tue June 18, Sky Sports 1, 10am

Australia

Brisbane, Sat June 22, Sky Sports 1, 10.30am

Melbourne Rebels Quinnell: Lions legend

Warburton: youngest skipper

Melbourne, Tue June 25, Sky Sports 1, 10am

Photos: Getty; Sky Sports

Australia Pulling together a team from four nations so quickly, to develop combinations and chemistry but not overwork them, is a balancing act for Gatland, says Quinnell, whose father Derek played for the Lions in 1971, 1977 and 1980.

“They’re so short on time now,” he says. “When my dad was playing there were 28 games on tour and Tests were a couple of weeks apart. It’s totally changed now through the professional era. It’s about balancing all of those things.”

One area the Lions may get caught short is in the halves, with just two in Jonny Sexton, who’s returning from injury, and Owen Farrell. “We [could] have done with a utility player, especially if Jonny Sexton goes down, we’ll need that type of player. But the world being such a small place now, you can get someone on a plane in a day.”

No tour goes by without injuries, so omitted players like Robshaw may get their chance. “You can name Robshaw as unlucky, but I can name 15 others who could have toured but aren’t. The question is who to drop. It’s a good problem.”

Could Wilkinson, who haunted the Wallabies at the 2003 World Cup final, get a call up? “There’s no point talking about him because he made himself unavailable, and credit to him for saying his body wasn’t up to it,” Quinnell responds.

Whatever Wallabies side is named on June 3 will face a “physical and aggressive” Lions expected to trouble Robbie Deans’ likely more mobile pack and unsettled camp.

“One main thing about Australia is they have an ability to overcome and to adapt,” Quinnell says. “They have lots of players playing well in Super Rugby so they should be feeling very good about themselves. One thing they may have a problem with is not playing any games in the lead up to that first Test, so it’ll be vital that the Lions get off to a good start.”

A good start, hey, just like 2001…

HIGHLIGHTS: GREATEST LIONS MOMENTS tntmagazine.com/lions-rugby

Melbourne, Sat June 29, Sky Sports 1, 10am

Australia

Sydney, Sat July 6, Sky Sports 1, 10am

Brothers now: proud Lions squad parade their new kit

THE BRITISH & IRISH LIONS TOUR TO AUSTRALIA 2013

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Watch ALL the action LI

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Greatest goal: Becks celebrates sending England to the 2002 World Cup finals with an injury time gem against Greece

Is Germany Europe’s latest footballing superpower?

No, in short, the Champions League final is a testament to the EPL

» Agree or disagree? Are the Germans Europe’s new footballing elite? letters@tntmagazine.com 44

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

David Beckham’s retirement from football was greeted with tweets of ‘meh’ from the majority of his fans who’ve always regarded the former United and Madrid man’s real career as being preposterously good looking, seeing the whole football thing as more or less incidental.

While it is sometimes easy to forget that Becks has always been first and foremost a footballer, his career is one that few in the modern game could dream of.

Beckham was never gifted many of the attributes necessary to make a top flight footballer. He was never quick and

“

Practice brought him all the game had to offer

”

Alex Ferguson genuinely worried that he might never develop requisite strength for professional football.

What he had, which he developed almost entirely through devoted practice, was a wand of a right boot, and with freekicks and crosses it brought him almost everything the game had to offer.

Photo: Getty

The sight of Germany’s two top football teams playing out the biggest final in world club football at Wembley will catch in the craw of many an Englishman this Saturday. But the cloying meditations we’ve seen clogging up the sports columns over the past few weeks, talking of a permanent shift in the landscape of European football away from Spain and England, are nothing more than lazy filler at the end of a season with little left to play for.

The suggestion that, because Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund made it to this year’s final, something magical is happening in the Bundesliga in general falls prey to that most common of logical fallacies, cum hoc ergo propter hoc (that’s right, TNT now comes with a dash of Latin). This is just a way of saying “after this, therefore because of this”, but makes you sound like you went to a school with its own tennis courts. The only magical thing happening in German football is the wage and club structures, which mean a season ticket to Dortmund costs the same as a posh meal, not a family hatchback like in England.

The German league, like the Spanish and to an extent the Italian league, remains hugely stilted. And while the Premier League was dominated for a while by The Big Four, Tottenham, Everton and Manchester City have shown that grip was far from impregnable.

The fact that a team as good as Wigan, a team of enough quality to win the FA Cup, ended up getting relegated this season is a testament to the fierce competitiveness of the Premier League, and that’s the reason it remains the most popular league in the world.

Since 2000 there’s been all-English, all-Spanish and all-Italian Champions League finals – none were symptomatic of a great revolution in their footballing structures. This final is no different. I understand the English columnists’ temptation to believe it. There’s much to admire about the Germans. Ticket prices are fair and wages are sensible – it’d be great if these things produced a first class league, but they don’t, they create two good teams.

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SHADY CHARACTERS Women and men wear traditional outfits during a procession through the streets of Kyoto in Japan for the annual Aoi Festival.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

INSIDE

CAMPING OUT /50

ESSENTIAL ISTANBUL/58

RISE AND STEIN /62

Got 99 problems? Don’t let a pitch be one. Our expert recommends the United Kingdom’s top campsites.

Being pummelled in a traditional hamam and visiting its ancient mosques are must-do activities in the historical heart of Turkey.

Slurping beer, snogging wenches, munching sausages and riding rollercoasters – it’s got to be Munich’s one and only Oktoberfest.

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TRAVELDIARY

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Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

PACK IT ALL IN I received a super email this week giving me top tips on the apparently very tricky art of packing a case. It included many brilliant gems such as “roll, don’t fold” and “make a list before you start”. Great. Real blue sky thinking there, guys, thanks for that.

Got your own packing ritual? Write in and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmultimedia.com

Brighton piss-up: get dressed up for this Sussex fest where everyone has a place

KEMP TOWN CARNIVAL England Trek down to Brighton to enjoy one of the city’s longest-running street festivals, the Kemp Town Carnival, otherwise known as Notting Hill by 1 the sea. Expect street performances, custard pie fights, belly dancers, Lindy Hop performances, and plenty of fine ales and ciders. This year the event is expected to be bigger than ever with 20,000 people in attendance.

JUNE

WHY: Starting as a small village fete in the mid-Nineties, this community festival gives local groups the chance to show what they do – basically it’s the only time of the year when there’s nothing weird about the Nautical Training Corps getting together with the Salsa Dance Academy.

MUJU FIREFLY FEST South Korea

Feeling fly? More than 400,000 visitors converge on 1-9 the Muju Firefly Festival to see 13,000 specimens of insects from around the world. Gross or glorious?

You decide. The festival aims to remind people about the importance of the environment as the firefly itself is an endangered species.

JUNE

english.firefly.or.kr

SHIMLA SUMMER FEST India

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kemptowncarnival.com

CAPITAL PRIDE

US

This mammoth gay pride fest in Washington has been 29-9 running since 1975 and includes events such as a Drag Ball, 5k run, Mr and Miss Pride contest, plus three stages of live entertainment.

Emeli Sandé, Icona Pop and Cher Lloyd are headling this year. The main event will be a parade through northwest DC on June 8.

MAY-JUNE

capitalpride.org

RAYONG FRUIT FEST

Thailand Up in the Himalayas, this festival thanks the gods for 1-6 the summer harvest with folk dance performances, live music, flower displays, and the showcasing of local cuisines.

JUNE

himachaltourism.org

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DO IT BECAUSE: There will be all sorts of cool activities to get involved with, including an open air cinema, flower parade and barn dancing, plus a free after-party that will run until the wee hours of the morning. In other words: piss-up in Brighton. Why not?

Not interested in strip bars or Full Moon parties?

23-29 Rayong celebrates fruit in a week of competitions, parades, beauty contests, poetry and more.

MAY

tourismthailand.org

Photo: kemptowncarnival.com

Anyway, I already have my tried and tested method. I like to keep a suitcase under the bed, half full of mismatched bikini tops and bottoms, mini bottles of shampoos stolen from hotel rooms and a couple of plasters with the backs half peeled off (I’ll give myself a pat on the back here, as these are indisputable evidence that I must once have been organised enough to own an actual first aid kit).

In my mind, this is a pre-packed suitcase, meaning I’m ready to jet off anywhere, anytime. So I don’t pack. Then the morning of any trip, I panic, realising those plasters aren’t going to keep me toasty warm in a Montreal winter, or that bikinis aren’t quite the thing for sightseeing in Petra. So I shove anything in that’s clean.

Then anything that’s not clean (I prefer the ‘screw up tightly’ method rather than to ‘roll’ or ‘fold’ just for the record). A fistful of pens gets sprinkled on top.

Undies. Occasionally, I remember a notebook. More undies, just in case.

Kindle. Camera. Chargers. Laptop.

Job done.

In spite of the millions of column inches I’ve seen explaining how to pack (one pearl of wisdom was: “The optimum time is at least two days before your holiday.” Oh, come on!) – my last-minute ritual has never let me down. Open bag, chuck in stuff – that’s how to pack properly. Try it, you’ll love it.

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Best job finals Two Brits are among the finalists heading Down Under to compete in the final stage of Tourism Australia’s Best Jobs in the World contest. Holly Easterbrook and Rich Keam will be going up against a BBC reporter from Afghanistan, a travel photographer from Brazil and an adventure tour guide from Canada, among others, to win one of the highly coveted positions advertised by Tourism Australia. These include ‘Chief Funster’ who will attend VIP parties and events in NSW and an ‘Outback Adventurer’ in the Northern Territory. Tourism Australia managing director Andrew McEvoy said the Best Job campaign had got fantastic publicity for the country. “One girl ran through the Champs Elysees in Paris wearing a bikini and a koala head and it made the news,” he said.

soaring vocals

Pyramid bulldozed

A pilot was forced to make an emergency landing in Kansas City after a passenger on board the plane would not stop singing Whitney Houston’s Nineties chart smash I Will Always Love You. The woman, for reasons that are not clear, insisted on singing the song at the top of her lungs while she was on the plane. Her out of tune rendition proved too much for staff and other passengers and the pilot was forced to divert from their journey between Los Angeles and New York to land in Missouri. As the power ballad-loving Houston fan was led off the flight in handcuffs, she continued to belt out the tune.

A construction company has bulldozed over one of Belize’s largest and most significant ancient Mayan pyramids, to international dismay.

The 2300-year-old structure at the Nohmul complex was destroyed to extract crushed rock as part of a road building project. Head of the Belize Institute of Archaeology, Jaime Awe, said: “It’s a feeling of incredible disbelief because of the ignorance and the insensitivity … they were using this for road fill. It’s like being punched in the stomach, it’s just so horrendous. These guys knew that this was an ancient structure. It’s just bloody laziness.”

Ash cloud test If you were away during the Christmas period of 2010, you’ll no doubt remember the travel chaos that was produced by an ash cloud from an Icelandic volcano. Many travellers were left stranded in airports across the world for days on end. Now easyJet are set to create a ‘test’ ash cloud in an attempt to prevent a repeat of the situation. They’ve collected a tonne of Icelandic ash, gathered by the Institute of Earth Sciences in Reykjavik, to try and determine exactly how safe it is to fly in an ash cloud. Using ash that has been ground down to a very fine powder, the airline will commence tests in August.

DEEP SCOTTISH LOVE WE DON’T NEED TO SAY ANYTHING. OUR CUSTOMERS SPEAK FOR US “I booked the 5 day Highland fling, and adored every second of it.

The sights were fantastic. I loved it, and would do it again on a heartbeat.”

5 Day Highland Fling, 8 April - Alex Gordon, USA

NEWS & VIEWS /HAGGiSADVENTURES

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Rothiemurchus: forest camping at its finest [Caption]

Campsites GREAT BRITAIN

Glorious: Eastnor Castle

Parked up: Beacon cottage; and (above) Wasdale Head 50

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Great outdoors: biking trails and (above) going Kumbaya

UKTRIP

Camping out Got 99 problems? Don’t let a pitch be one. Pick from one of these top campsites around the UK EDITED BY HELEN ELFER

After what seemed like the coldest, longest winter in decades it’s finally time to stop hibernating and enjoy a little outdoors action. So locate those pegs, shake out the sleeping bags and unfurl your sturdiest tent – it’s time for camping season.

TNT asked Jonathan Knight, editor of the new Cool Camping Britain guide, to choose five of Britain’s top campsites for you to try out. Drum roll, please ...

Beacon Cottage, Cornwall Perched on a hillside facing the wrath of the Atlantic, Beacon Cottage boasts one of the most dramatic seaside scenes in Europe. This is not a ‘nice’ place, but an awesome one, where the raw, windswept, surf-washed seaside is, for many, the very essence of Cornwall. For the surf dudes and dudettes, sandcastle builders and ice-cream lickers there is an eminently suitable beach for every one of their preferred activities, about 150 (very vertical) metres below the site, and less than a mile away along the coast path.

The campsite itself is superb, with a choice of pitches either facing whatever the weather can throw at you – but with a stunning view – or sheltered from the elements in the orchard around the back of the farm.

CAMP: From April to September. A tent with two adults costs £16-£23pn.

MORE: beaconcottagefarmholidays.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock; Keith Didcock

Eastnor Castle, Herefordshire With a lake and sprawling red deer park all a stone’s throw from your tent, Eastnor Castle ticks several boxes. That’s without even mentioning the glorious castle views and ‘knight’s maze’ within. Easy access to the craggy Malvern Hills spells adventure, as well as stunning panoramic views spanning the West Country and beyond. The whole vibe about the place is pretty chilled. You just pitch up, literally, and settle in. The warden will wander by to collect your money and he serves as a security measure, too, as the park is open to the public during the day and several footpaths criss-cross the land.

CAMP: From the end of March to the end of September, when a campervan, trailer or group tent costs £8.50pn.

MORE: eastnorcastle.com

Wasdale Head, Cumbria This National Trust campsite at Wasdale Head is the perfect base camp for those hardy souls looking to conquer England’s mightiest peak, Scafell Pike. From the comfort of your sleeping bag, head poking out of your tent, you can survey the surrounding slopes as the dawn mist clears.

There’s also a small shop with essential supplies such as walking maps, friendly advice and blister-shaped plasters.

Definitely a high point on England’s campsite circuit.

CAMP: All year round. A tent with one adult and car costs £21pn.

MORE: nationaltrust.org.uk Rothiemurchus, Inverness-shire Rothiemurchus is forest camping at its finest. Pitched amid swathes of indigenous Caledonian pine, campers can truly get away from it all here. Whether exploring Loch Morlich, cycling the many woodland trails or trekking the challenging Cairngorm Mountains, there’s plenty to entertain in this truly enchanting corner of northwest Scotland. It is a sublime experience waking up on a bed of soft needles on a summer morning to the sound of rushing water with the smell of pine spiking the crisp air.

CAMP: All year (except November). Costs £8pppn.

MORE: campandcaravan.com Nantcol Waterfalls, North Wales It’s the measure of a cool campsite when people have been pitching up there since the Twenties. This award-winning spot in Snowdonia National Park attracts scores of campers every season, eager to explore the eponymous Nantcol Waterfalls and frolic in the river at the foot of Wales’ most iconic mountain.

CAMP: All year. Costs £8pppn.

MORE: nantcolwaterfalls.co.uk

NEXT WEEK

Cool Camping Britain features 150 of the best campsites in England, Scotland and Wales. Priced at £16.95 from all good bookshops. coolcamping.co.uk

Sail away: Crewing a yacht off the Isle of Wight’s coast

TOP 10 COOLEST CAMPING GADGETS tntmagazine.com/camping-gadgets

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LATEDEALS

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A 13-day tour with Absolute Africa including the Serengeti is £300pp

USA/CANADA BOSTON fr £349 LOS ANGELES fr £449 MIAMI fr £399 MONTEGO BAY fr £645 MONTREAL fr £375 NEW YORK fr £369 ORLANDO fr £399 TORONTO fr £405

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OTHERS

DELHI fr £399 DAR E SALAAM fr £469 DUBAI fr £329 JEDDAH fr £427

£250 – £500 East Africa A 13-day tour costs £300pp (save £150) with Absolute Africa (0208 7420226; absoluteafrica.com). Includes accommodation, some meals, entrance and game drives in the Serengeti and Ngorongoro Crater. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by May 31.

Departs on June 3.

Jordan & Egypt A nine-day tour costs £472pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com). Includes hotel, beach hut and desert camp accommodation, some meals and desert safari. Excludes flights. Book by May 31.

Departs from Amman on June 15.

Benidorm A seven-night stay costs £363pp with easyJet (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Hotel Gran Bali in Benidorm. Departs from London Stansted on June 1.

GUANGZHOU fr £499 SHANGHAI fr £475

AFRICA

CAIRO fr £280 ACCRA fr £405 ENTEBBE fr £425 HARARE fr £519 LAGOS fr £415 DEAL OF THE WEEK NAIROBI fr £418 JOHANNESBURG fr £489 Essential egypt £208 JEDDAH fr £427 A nine-day tour with ABUJA fr £499 Travel Talk (0208 099 8852; traveltalktours.com).

Includes five- and four-star accommodation and some meals.

Departs May 25 and June 1.

Excludes flights. Book by May 24.

> £500 Cuba A seven-night stay costs £924pp with Bridge The World (bridgetheworld.com; 0800 988 6884). Includes return flights and fourstar, all-inclusive accommodation at the Breezes Jibacoa. Valid for travel between June 6 and 14.

Greece A 10-day sailing tour is now £709 plus free Morocco trip (or 50 per cent off) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 099 8852). Includes private boat and threestar hotel accommodation, some meals, visits to Kos, Ios and more. Excludes flights, port tax and local payment.

Book by May 31. Departs from Bodrum on June 9.

Barbados A seven-night stay costs £840pp with Bridge The World (bridgetheworld.com; 0800 988 6884). Includes return flights and three-star, self-catering accommodation at the Rostrevor Apartments Hotel.

Valid for travel June 27 to July 5.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail

Money transfers Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

Transfer fees from £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

Exchange rates* Australian dollar 1.54 New Zealand dollar 1.85 South African rand 14.1 Polish złoty 4.91 Euro 1.17 US dollar 1.53 Canadian dollar 1.54 Hong Kong dollar 11.9 Swedish krona 10.1 Swiss franc 1.46 Singapore dollar 1.89 Why use tntforex?

n Great rates n No hidden bank fees n Faster transactions n Easy-to-use online systems n Safe, secure and fully compliant

n Unrivalled customer service * Transfer rates are as of May 14, 2013.

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Krakow A two-night stay costs £108pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Sympozjum hotel. Departs from London Stansted on June 11.

Paris A two-night stay is £200pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Royal Elysees.

Departs from London Luton on June 11.

Rome A two-night stay costs £157pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes direct return flights and fourstar, B&B accommodation at the Roma Park hotel. Departs from London Gatwick on June 11.

Yorkshire An overnight stay in Harrogate costs £54pppn with Great Little Breaks (08448 488488; greatlittlebreaks.com). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at The Majestic Hotel, plus three-course dinner and £10 food voucher and £10 Great Little Breaks voucher. Deal excludes transport. Price is based on two people sharing and a minimum two-night stay.

Barcelona Two nights costs £175pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes return flights and four-star B&B accommodation at the Hotel Catalonia. Departs from London Southend on June 4.

AUS/NZ

AUCKLAND fr £725 MELBOURNE fr £675 PERTH fr £599 SYDNEY fr £699 BRISBANE fr £699 ADELAIDE fr £699

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PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

WINNER

3-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND + PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

WIN

Email your images to hotshots@tntmultimedia.com First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

WINNER

RUNNER-UP

SOMETHING SINISTER Brendan Wan, Melbourne, Australia

ANOTHER SIDE OF IRAQ Chris Walsh, Invercargill, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS In pristine sunshine and surrounded by speckled clouds sits Whitby Abbey, the structure so spooky it was the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula. It’s this juxtaposition that caught the attention of Brendan when in North Yorkshire. “Here is a Gothic church in ruins filled with haunting characteristics set against a bright blue sky background,” he says. “Though appearing quite quaint, there’s a feeling of a sinister presence lurking behind this image, as if to represent the calm before a night of horror.”

WHY IT WORKS This majestic landscape was captured in Rowanduz, Iraq, near the border of Iran, last month. When most of us consider Iraq and Iran, rolling green hills with a mini roller coaster isn’t our immediate image, but that’s what Chris found. “We spent the day driving from Iran to Iraq, then just before sunset we found this track in quite honestly the middle of nowhere that went around a canyon,” he says. “It inspired me because someone had taken a risk to build this track to bring happiness to Iraqis in such uncertain times.”

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Going away somewhere soon?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA

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TOP FIVE

1

volunteering

@tntmagazine

Argentina

Altruism. It’s not for everyone. But for those who get a kick out of helping ladies cross the street or carrying inebriated friends home, we have the perfect solution to the hackneyed package holiday.

Volunteering isn’t just for gap ‘yah’ students or those suffering a mid-life crisis. It offers travellers a chance to immerse themselves in the local culture in a way that is virtually impossible on all-inclusive tours. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to spend a year pent up in a yurt in rural Mongolia, or your entire life savings to do it. Instead you can expect to learn new skills, meet new people and maybe even pick up a new language along the way. A tan with a conscience – who knew it was possible?

In Buenos Aires, Argentina’s cosmopolitan capital, there’s the opportunity for travellers to help disadvantaged children with after school activities in some of the most deprived parts of the city. Responsibilities vary with Original Volunteers, but most participants who take part find 54 00

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themselves organising outdoor games for the kids or helping them build confidence with their English with some informal language tuition. Birthday parties are a big deal here, so hosting celebrations for children who would normally miss out is another common activity. You might also end up helping with arts and crafts in local community centres, or ballsy travellers could try fundraising on the street.

The city is a heady mix of European architecture and Latin American fizz, and there will be plenty of free time to enjoy all of it. Volunteers can indulge in tango lessons, some of the world’s best hunks of beef, lashings of homemade red wine and the legendary Latin American nightlife. Volunteers also have the option to visit a Guarani Indian village in the tropical north to distribute resources, or the famous Iguassu Falls. Cost is a £125 booking fee plus £95pw for the first two weeks. originalvolunteers.co.uk

HOW TO VOLUNTEER IN THE UK tntmagazine.com/volunteer-uk

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Thailand

Fancy yourself as a bit of an elephant whisperer? Well, i to i Volunteering has just the project for you.

Working with mahouts (elephant keepers) in Surin, northeast Thailand, you will help with conservation efforts for these mighty mammals. Daily tasks include feeding, bathing, grooming and training the elephants, as well as helping to teach your hosts English.

The project lasts for between two and four weeks and prices start at £599. i-to-i.com/volunteer-projects

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

4

Ghana

Volunteer HQ offers construction and renovation programmes in Ghana, where volunteers work alongside locals to help improve infrastructure.

The project focuses on the construction and restoration of orphanages, clinics and schools in the east African nation. But if construction doesn’t tickle your fancy there are also teaching and medical opportunities available. Programmes last one week to six months, costing from £190, plus a registration fee of £160. volunteerhq.org/volunteer-in-ghana

3

Japan

Contemporary chic

Horticulturalists, unite! WWOOFing, an acronym for Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms, has surprisingly little to do with dogs.

Instead, it provides those who aren’t afraid of getting their hands a little mucky with the chance to help out on farms worldwide. At one dairy farm in Hokkaido, Japan, you’ll learn how to milk the cows as well as feeding, cleaning and other farming processes.

WWOOF annual membership fee is £20. wwoofinternational.org

5

Madagascar

Ride the ocean ecotourism wave in Madagascar, volunteering for marine conservationists Blue Ventures.

Working with international research scientists, volunteers identify ways in which the island’s coastal communities can live sustainably by helping to survey the region’s reefs. Training includes snorkelling and diving excursions as well as informal lectures.

The project costs between £700 and £1700 for a three-week placement. Find more details online. blueventures.org

one 80 Overview This modern hostel in the old East Berlin is neatly situated within walking distance of trendy Prenzlauer Berg and Pankow. It’s also easy to get by foot to the excellent transport links of Mitte and Berlin’s iconic TV Tower on the Alexanderplatz.

The bar and cafe area downstairs is modern and relaxed without being tacky and the rooms manage to avoid seeming clinical with contrasted walls and robust-looking contemporary fittings. One 80 definitely does the job if you’re on a tight budget. The rooms are genuinely secure, and further lockers are available for storage. The wireless internet is as speedy as you’re likely to encounter anywhere.

Wow factor The atmosphere is buzzing in this part of town and One 80 has a young crowd and pleasant staff.

Rooms The hostel’s foam mattress beds aren’t the most comfortable, nor are the small pillows, but the shower is bracingly powerful and rooms are spotlessly clean.

Bill please Rooms start from £12pppn.

Otto-Braun-Straße 65, 10178 Berlin one80hostels.com

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THE INSIDER: SOLO TRAVEL

Postcard perfect: off the coast of Railay beach in Thailand

OONAGH SHIEL Content manager Cheapflights.co.uk

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q I’m planning to go to Thailand in January for one week but I’m not too sure where to go. Koh Samui has been suggested, however I’ve heard January is their rainy season. What would your top recommendations be?

Lisa, via email A Thailand is a fantastic year-round

READERS’ TIPS ON OKTOBERFEST NO SEAT, NO BEER If you’re not sitting down, you won’t get served, and places fill up fast. Get to the beer tent you want to spend the day in as early as possible, and once you’ve got a table, hang on to it!

Brian, via email DON’T NICK THE GLASSES This is embarrassing, but I got caught trying to steal two steins and got fined big! Don’t recommend you try it...

Sophia, via email 56

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destination, as different parts of the country experience the rainy season at different times, meaning there is always somewhere you are guaranteed good weather. Koh Samui will be nearing the end of its rainy season in January and so may not be the best choice if you are looking to avoid torrential downpours.

My advice would be to opt for the region of Krabi on the west coast. This stunning section of

Andaman coastline is picture postcard Thailand, with impressive rock formations jutting out of crystal clear waters. Don’t confuse the region of Krabi with Krabi Town, as the town is better used as a jumping-off point to explore the rest of the area. Railay is one of Krabi’s most famed beaches, with limestone cliffs towering over the perfect crescent-shaped bay. Only possible to reach by boat, the journey to Railay makes this destination feel even more rewarding.

For even more seclusion, head south to the Trang Islands, which can be reached by boat from Krabi. Not as many tourists make it as far as the pristine sand bar at Hat Sivalai or the Tham Morakot (Emerald Cave). In high season, Tigerline (tigerlinetravel.com) runs a ferry between the island of Koh Lanta in Krabi to the Trang Island of Koh Muk.

What’s your top safety tip?

Make sure your room can only be accessed from inside the hotel (or hostel). Keep your valuables on your person and put aside back-ups of all travel documents and a list of important numbers.

Top tip for meeting other solo travellers along the way?

Organised excursions are good as they can take some of the fear out of travelling solo.

Your most memorable solo trip?

Way, way back, I drove down the Northern California coast in a big car to see the Redwood forests. The open road, the salty sea air, and seeing those amazing trees in lush, green forests was great.

Europe Summer Sale

Our 3 favourites

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17/05/2013 12:26:06 09/05/2013 13:22

Majestic: the six minarets of the striking ‘Blue Mosque’ [Caption]

Istanbul Turkey

GETTING THERE Fly London Stansted to Istanbul Sabiha Gökçen direct with Pegasus from £281 return. flypgs.com

Clockwise: Topkapi Palace haram; Basilica Cistern; inside the hamam

The scenic cityscape and (above) scrubdown [Caption] in a Turkish hamam 58

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Essential Istanbul Being pummelled in a traditional hamam and visiting its ancient mosques are must-do activities in the historical heart of Turkey Words michael gadd

“Not another church/mosque/temple!” With the greatest respect to those of all faiths, sometimes ‘seen one you’ve seen them all’ is fair when it comes to places of worship. But in Istanbul you don’t see these sights ‘cos you have to. You have to see them. With a history spanning more than 2000 years – it began in 660BC – Turkey’s biggest city, straddling Asia and Europe, has been the capital of four empires (Roman, Byzantine, Latin and Ottoman). It’s no wonder this place is so bloody interesting, and its evolution, beauty, scale and fascinating contradictions are all clear in the most elaborate landmarks. Here’s TNT’s pick of the best.

Topkapi Palace Palace, museum, gardens (tulips everywhere!), touched by each Ottoman ruler who called it home over about 400 years – this ticks every box for a ‘sight’. Among the many treasures here are some of the world’s most significant Muslim relics, including Muhammed’s cloak and sword (he must have been huge), and the journey through centuries of weapons, from bludgeoning devices to elaborate swords and guns, is awestriking. The most popular area, though, is the haram. For a place built for discretion (the outside is intentionally plain) it’s strange that people now pay extra to see inside. Not so much a seedy sex dungeon, it was more a family quarters for the privy wives, their underlings and kids. Stunning tiled rooms surround gorgeous shallow baths.

Entry £9; Harem £5.50

Blue Mosque (Sultan Ahmed Mosque) Yep, another mosque and must-see, across from Ayasofya – but know you’ll spend more time in the line than inside. Built in the early 17th century, it still operates during the five daily prayers (it’s closed to visitors during that time). I take good advice from a local guide and get there while it’s closed. As I wait at the front of the queue outside, a Turkish guide complains to her group: “There are so many mosques in Istanbul, this should be a museum. It is too popular.” A lady from Malaysia (a Muslim country) says they’re happy to wait and respect the worshippers. Schooled! When inside, it’s worth the wait – ignoring the distinct smell of feet from those who may not have realised they’d have to take off their shoes today – and striking, with ornately embroidered carpet working off the 21,000 fine Iznik tiles, many of them the blue, giving the mosque its name.

Donation on exit

istanbulinfolink.com

Basilica Cistern The dull brick entry’s a trick for what lays beneath, a 138m by 65m chamber with 336 columns that’s formed various water supply functions since the sixth century. A romantic scene with mood lighting and amazing acoustics, it hosts concerts too.

Entry £3.50

yerebatan.com

Ayasofya Hürrem Sultan Hamami In the middle of all the remarkable monuments is this

››

topkapisarayi.gov.tr

Ayasofya (Hagia Sofia) I’ll admit to being a “not another steeple” type, but Ayasofya or Hagia Sophia (Greek) is one exception. The church-then-mosque-then-museum is a masterpiece, maybe most interesting for its mish-mash of Christian (it was HQ for the Eastern Orthodox Church for 1000 years) and Muslim (Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II renovated in 1453) art and architecture – an English-speaking guide to point out the differences comes in handy, but I’d have been happy marvelling at the extreme scale, Christian mosaics and Islamic features. When my guide dubiously tells me “10 hundred thousand” (would that be a million?) people built it, I’m happy to believe. For luck, spin your hand 360 degrees in the wishing column.

Entry £9

ayasofyamuzesi.gov.tr

Epic: Ayasofya’s more than a mosque tntMagazine.com

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1556-built hamam, a mountain of marble and indulgence where for 80 Lira (£30), you can get relaxed the hell out of by a burly but friendly front rower. In my case, his name’s Omar.

After tipping water from a sink over myself with a gold-plated bowl, Omar invites me into the main room without a word.

In a process that hasn’t changed for centuries, I’m sat down and he takes control of the bowl, then I’m onto the marble floor so hot that as quick as water is run over it, it evaporates.

Omar massages my back, then front – whatever’s not covered by my flimsy cloth. No reaction appears to be the symbol for, “Harder, please,” so I respond to the beating, and his extra effort to break my arms off, with a grunt. He then politely asks, in perfect English: “Is this your first visit to a hamam?” I answer yes, but know it might be my last. As for Istanbul, though, the next trip was being planned on the way to the airport.

Treatments from £15-£60

ayasofyahamami.com

For more information on visiting Istanbul and Turkey visit goturkey.com; english.istanbul.com

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Elaborate: ignore the foot smell [Caption] and look up at the Blue Mosque

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In the home of kebabs, kokorec’s the drinking food. Avoid dodgy vendors and go to Sampiyon Kokoreç. The signature dish is lamb intestines with a paprika-based spicy sauce on Turkish bread (above). Sounds horrific, but is delicious. Or go for the stuffed mussels. If starving, you and a mate will be stuffed, too, for under £10. sampiyonkokorec.com.tr

Beware imitations of Istanbul icon, Sultanahmet Köftesi, across from Ayasofya, which sells almost exclusively izgara kofte (beef meatballs), with a spicy red paste (left), and piyaz (a salad of white beans, lettuce and tomato) for about £10. There are others with the same name, but this is the original. sultanahmetkoftesi.com

For a treat it has to be seafood on the Bosphorus. Neptün Restaurant gives a choice of fresh fish from sea bass to red mullet and is under Galata Bridge with a view of the river. A few courses and wine goes just over £30.

For the same view, grab a balik ekmek (mackerel in a roll) from one of the many BBQs on the water for £1.80. neptunrestaurant.com

drink

If you want to charge on early in the night hub of Taksim, you could do worse than Asmali Shot House.

They do deals here – one shot is 5L (£1.80), but 10 is 50L (£18), etc.

Or just grab beer. A terrific young singer-guitarist was playing Turkish (and some western) popular songs when we visited. It ramps up late.

(Asmali Mescit)

In Istanbul, find a rooftop, sit and drink in the view. It’s even better with a cocktail in hand. 5.Kat (above) is one of the trendier roof bars in town – on the fifth floor in a side street – and takes in a cracking 180-degree view over the Bosphorus.

A glass of wine isn’t prohibitive at £5.50 but the food gets pricey.

5kat.com

Reina by the Bosphorus has several bars and restaurants, and among the 2500 people who pack in are local celebs, models and millionaires.

The restaurants range in price and cuisine – the theme is “world under one roof” – but the drinks prices are across the board £10 and up for a glass of wine. reina.com.tr/en

sleep

Near all the major attractions in the Old City – Blue Mosque, Ayasofya – Istanbul Hostel in Sultanahmet is close to bus, train, ferry and tram links and 30 mins to Taksim. They pride themselves on safety and the helpfulness of their staff, who can arrange trips and tours four you.

Cheap from £12pn for a dorm room. istanbulhostel.net

If you have a short time and want to see the major sites, somewhere like Amiral Palace Hotel (left) in Sultanahmet is ideal. A five-minute walk from Ayasofya it has elegant furnishings and a restaurant offering regional cuisine, so eating in the hotel isn’t a total faux pas. Doubles from £75pn. amiralpalacehotel.com

Akgün Istanbul (above) is the sort of joint a visiting politician would feel at home in, with everything he needs: bars, a hamam, pool and touches of understated opulence all over, with marble and timber finishings, and the rooms are huge. Good value for a fivestar hotel – costs from £148pn for one of the slick suites. akgunhotel.com

MORE TOP TURKEY TRAVELS

Next week Under the Tuscan sun: Living like a local in Italy’s most gorgeous region

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Photos: Thinkstock; TNT; Ayasofya Hürrem Sultan Hamami

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17/05/2013 12:26:07

Oktoberfest

germany

Munich

GETTING THERE Fly from London Stansted to Munich from ÂŁ97 return with easyJet. easyjet.com

munich

Prost: beer is the star of the show at Munichâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s famous Oktoberfest 62

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Rise and stein Slurping beer, snogging beer wenches, munching sausages, riding rollercoasters – it’s got to be Munich’s one and only Oktoberfest Words Helen Elfer

WHEN TO GO: Oktoberfest You’ve probably had a few warm up sessions runs from September 21 until drinking songs (and the White Stripes’ Seven October 6. The official opening – nights of overdoing it at the pub or maybe Nation Army), someone forced to skull ceremony is at noon at the even a beer festival where you worked every couple of minutes, after-parties at the Schottenhamel tent when the Lord your way through all the taps. But there’s campsite, Hey Baby sung repeatedly late at Mayor of Munich taps the first keg. night and early in the mornings, collapsing nothing that can prepare you for the boozy CURRENCY: £1 = €1.18 bender that is Oktoberfest, a time when the tents, exhaustion, and many awkward/funny/ ACCOMMODATION: world agrees it’s OK to chug as much amber great other stories and moments...

Wombat’s is a popular hostel chain nectar as you possibly can, all in the name of “The best part by far was meeting some with a branch handily close to German culture. We’ll drink to that. truly unique and crazy people, whether Munich’s Hauptbahnhof station.

Oktoberfest has been running since 1810, it was being joined by strangers, other Rooms are bright and basic, and when Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married people on the tour, or people who are there’s a friendly atmosphere. Dorm simply walking in the same direction as you.

Princess Therese and the National Guard beds start from £13.50pn over organised a large horse race by way of public Oh, and finally appreciating beer. It left a celebration. A good time was had by one and Oktoberfest period, and the £3.20 dent in my wallet, I was exhausted after a all, so they decided to throw a party the same all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet is a week, but it was one of the most beer-tastic bargain. wombats-hostels.com time the following year. And so on. experiences of my life and I will hopefully be Nowadays, it’s grown into an absolute doing it all over again this year.”

SEE: oktoberfest.de behemoth of a beer festival – 2013’s fest TNT reader Alastair Brown has both feet will be the 180th edition. No less than 14 tents are set up planted firmly in the hazy camp, but this is what he shared in Munich, serving slopping, frothy steins of beer, platefuls with us on Facebook: “Been there twice but can’t remember of heavy Bavarian grub, and even the odd glass of wine, if too much about it apart from the gorgeous beer, tasty you feel that way inclined. Before, during and after drinking chicken, snogging a serving wench and someone breaking there’s also plenty of entertainment on offer: yodelling into the campsite’s supply shop. Oh, and something about performances (naturally), oompah bands and a fairground a bicycle getting thrown into the river below the weir. Beer complete with Ferris wheel and roller coasters. A giant party, was good though and no hangover!” by anyone’s standards. Here’s what you can expect and Clea Marshall, 28, from New Zealand, had an Oktoberfest everything you need to know to make the most of it. experience that sounds like something between a surreal dream and a seriously epic party. She says: “Last year the What to expect: Good beer and bad behaviour following things happened – a randy horse that was trained Unsurprisingly, many of Oktoberfest’s fans say their to nuzzle ladies’ cleavage totally nibbled my boobs! Then my memories of the festival are a little, shall we say, hazy? boyfriend and I befriended an entire table of Italian dudes But Australian-British Haley Langtree, 23, won’t forget at Paulaner Hall, where we had a deep and meaningful her first time: “How can you really describe Oktoberfest? with them for several hours. We swore to be BFFs forever, Better question is what can you remember from it! Going to then never added them on Facebook. At Hippodrom we Oktoberfest was a last-minute decision, paid for with money met an elderly German couple called Renata and Martin and I was meant to use to set up myself up in London and during promised to meet them for lunch, same day same time this a time I was meant to be looking for work and a place to live year at the same tent.

– but I regret nothing.

“We went on the rollercoaster late at night, but my other “I went camping with Topdeck and had an amazing half was so smashed he doesn’t remember it at all. I also ate time. Steins larger then your head, beer tents, dirndl and a chocolate covered banana and got it all over my face.” ›› lederhosen as far as the eye can see, onesies, German Perhaps it was time to head home then, Clea? tntMagazine.com

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Photos: TNT; Thinkstock; Getty

Clockwise: Girls hail the ale; Munich from above; chomp on an epic pretzel; handfuls of Mass-sized steins; hearty stomach-lining fare What to wear: Dirndls and lederhosen Half the fun of Oktoberfest is getting kitted out in traditional German outfits for your drinking session. For lads, this means a red checkered or white shirt with lederhosen (long leather shorts) and braces. Ladies, a full dirndl includes a bodice, blouse (the boobier the better), full skirt and apron. As for those felt alpine hats with a feather ... sure, why not?

These outfts are available all over Munich, but the more authentic ones can be quite pricey, upwards of £150. Lots of Oktoberfesters cut costs by going second-hand, or even making their own (Clea’s friend made hers and stitched a little Kiwi flag on the apron). Department store C&A stocks cheap versions and there are a few branches in Munich.

Buying the overly skimpy outfits available online or from sex shops is a big no-no, as Munichers don’t approve.

foamy stuff, there’s certainly plenty on offer. All the brands served are regional, and adhere to the strict 1516 Bavarian Purity Requirements, which mean only water, hops and barley can be used to brew them. Names you’re likely to recognise include Augustiner, Paulaner, Spaten-Franziskaner, Löwenbräu and Hofbräu. Different beers are served at various tents, so pick your favourite and arrive early. Some punters nab their seats at 9am as they fill up so fast – and yes, you can get served at that hour. ››

What to eat: Beyond the sauerkraut Believe us, you’re going to need some serious stodge to line your stomachs if you’re going to be putting away all those steins of grog. Favourite dishes at Oktoberfest are hendl (roast chicken), schweinshaxe (pork knuckle) and Bavarian sausages, but some of the tents do more specialist grub. At the Wildstuben tent, you can get roast wild boar and venison dishes, while at the Schützen-Festzelt tent, suckling pig prepared in an authentic Bavarian malt beer sauce is served.

Carbing up by snacking on giant pretzels is also a winner.

What to drink: Best of Bavarian A ‘mass’ is one litre of beer, served in a stein, and costs around £7.70. While there isn’t the huge range of beers available that you’d expect for a festival devoted to the 64

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Table service: a typically crowded, and civilised for now, Oktoberfest beer hall

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17/05/2013 12:26:08

PP ARE THE MUNICH OKTOBERFEST EXPERTS The largest UK operator to the fest.....We offer a wide variety of packages covering the entire massive festival

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What else to do: Explore Munich Honestly, you don’t have to drink beer the whole time you’re in the city. Take a breather and see some of Munich’s sights.

You can get a great view of the skyline from the 290m-high Olympic Tower at Munich’s Olympiapark (olympiapark.de).

For petrol-heads, BMW’s HQ (known as four-cylinder tower) and the museum next to it is a must-see (bmw-welt.com).

There are lots of exhibitions about the technical development of cars, and vintage models on display to drool over.

Get your culture fix at the 17th-century baroque Nymphenburg Palace (schloss-nymphenburg.de), which has pavilions open to the public, filled with grand period furniture and paintings.

Finally, if you need a break from the crowds, Munich has a number of spacious green lungs. The biggest is the sprawling English Garden (Englischer Garten), which stretches for 5km and is one of Europe’s largest city parks. Relax by the lake, sprawl out on the grass, or go for a stroll along the winding paths (watch out for naked sunbathers – it’s a thing here). ❚

OKTOBERFEST DICTIONARY ✓ Biddscheen Please, also “here you go” ✓ Eihebn If you’re so dizzy because of too much beer, you have to cling to something ✓ Bieseln To take a piss. Many prefer “wild bieseln” to avoid the charge to use a toilet ✓ Froaseln Nonsense drivel ✓ Fackl A young pig, or an indecently behaving person ✓ Fetznrausch Totally drunk ✓ Hi Broken ✓ Mognschoaß A burp ✓ Noagerlzuzla Insult. Someone who drinks beer dregs ✓ Obandeln To flirt with explicit intention ✓ Prost Cheers!

NEXT WEEK ✓ Schbei’m To vomit or spit DO OKTOBERFEST LONDON-STYLE tntmagazine.com/london-oktoberfest

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OH, DEER : What is the point of deer? They are in nearly every park in London, roaming around being lame, or just sitting there in the grass. They are nothing like Bambi, but they should be. A skating lake should be introduced to Richmond Park with deer performances on the hour, every hour. I demand it.

Thumper CHICKEN TONIGHT : To the most rancid pub-hound I’ve ever seen – you stumbled along the road, with your KFC burger, dropped half of it on the ground (burgers aren’t a walking food, mate) by the 59 stop outside Brixton Tube, then went back, scooped it off the rotten road and reassembled it in your tray. Tragic, but hilarious. Thanks for making me feel better about myself. Andy OLD TIMERS : After reading TNT’s stuff about vintage London, I’ve decided I’m after a vintage lady. Lots of experience. Maybe in their 70s or 80s. Loads of stories to tell me about the war and that.

Plus, I love playing bingo and am up for learning knitting. If you’re reading this, give me a shout here.

Desmond M COULD BE ARMLESS : To the blokes who think it’s fair to cop a feel on a crowded train – my bum is not a public recreation area, try it again and you’ll draw back a stump. Seriously, what do you get out of it? Lady Lallo MOVE IT MONEYBAGS : Hey you. Yeah, you heard me, fat-arsed pinstriped businessman. You get the seat, you don’t get the aisle too. Don’t get snotty with me if

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