TNT Magazine / Issue 1494

April 16-22 2012 Issue 1494 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

VIP TICKETS TO SEE THE BLACK SEEDS

PAMPLONA CALLING Are you brave enough to run with the bulls?

SEX IN THE CITY How to find your bit on the side in London

TO THE EXTREME The UK’s strangest adrenaline rushes

K C A B S ’ T E E R T BACKS

s London lf u g n e l a iv v a Nineties re s a B T O K N the boys and to k a e p s e W + VIENNA 48 HOURS IN CAIRO SUMMER JOBS MOVIE REVIEWS

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Were you a Backstreet Boys fan or a New Kids On The Block enthusiast back in the Nineties? Whichever way you swung, both bands are in London soon to help you relive your younger years. To celebrate all things 1990s, we’ve compiled a list of the capital’s best Nineties-related events (P8). For something a bit more dangerous, check out our action-packed guide to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona on P76. Are you brave enough to take the challenge this year? Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON

12

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22, 25

SPOTTED

19

COMPETITION

30

LONDON FOCUS

26-28

CHATROOM MIKE PARRY LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

32-33 35-43

SHOPPING

35

HEALTH & BEAUTY

36-37

CAREERS

38-39

LIVING

42-43

NEWS & SPORT

44-55

TRAVEL

76

34

LIFESTYLE

COMPETITION

56 57-82

FEATURES BACK IN THE NINETIES

ILLICIT ENCOUNTERS

HELL OF A DRIVE

NEWS

59

LATE DEALS

62

FINAL FOUR

65

Our round-up of the four remaining Champions League teams

66-67

TIPS & STUFF

68-69

SHORTBREAK

70-72

48 HOURS IN...CAIRO

74-75

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

84-121 122

26

26

The website that facilitates affairs – would you make a saucy cheating profile?

58

TOP FIVE

8

How London’s reliving the decade of cheesy boybands, raving and bad denim

DIARY

HOTSHOTS

Photos: Thinkstock; Jason Lock

31

36

Handbrake turns and doing donuts – TNT belts up for some stunt driving

SMELLY TRAVEL

54

66

We pick our top five stinky destinations that let your nose lead the way

RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE

76

Buzzing on adrenaline while you run from raging bulls in Pamplona, Spain

66 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

1494 Contents.indd 3

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Oliver Jones Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

follow us on

@tntmagazine

Are you listening carefully?

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

Shhh... SECRET LONDON BEDTIME STORIES 40 WINKS

East London’s cute boutique hotel 40 Winks, famed for offering a distinguished and different night’s sleep, hosts these specially themed storytelling events, led by professional storytellers and accompanied by musicians and actors. Pyjamas and nightgowns are a mandatory dress code. This month’s two evenings of ‘Tales of Bewitchment’ feature Xanthe Gresham and Debs Newbold. Nibbles and a nightcap cocktail enhance an experience where you’re sure to have some sweet dreams. £25

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

Apr 18 & 19. 7pm-10.45pm 40 WiNKS, 109 Mile End Road, E1 4UJ

Stepney Green

40winks.org

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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FINAL 1494 Lon Diary.indd 4

ANZAC GALLIPOLI LEGACY BALL One of London’s largest ANZAC Day celebrations, the Gallipoli Legacy Ball honours the brave men and women of the Australia and New Zealand Armed Corps who fought in the First World War Gallipoli campaign. This two-course black-tie dinner includes a charity auction and live entertainment.

Lest we forget. £75

Fri, Apr 20. 7.30pm Australia House, WC2B 4LA Temple tntmagazine.com/anzacball

ACOUSTIFY This new weekly acoustic open mic night hosts London basedAussie and Kiwi musicians – Brook Supple, The JT MillsExperience and Owain Pennington are in the crowd tonight – but it’s really about you getting on stage, so get down, strap on a guitar and show London music fans what you’ve got.

FREE

Thurs, Apr 19. 7pm The Larikk Inn, 425 New Kings Road, SW6 4RN Putney Bridge facebook.com/acoustifythursday

LATE NIGHT GIMP FIGHT Bad taste is the best taste and the only order of the day with this foul-mouthed, destined-tooffend sketch comedy troupe. After touring their show nationwide, picking up awards all over the country, they return to London to unload this hour-long set that features singing, swearing, and a rap about beastiality. Brace yourself. £10

Apr 19-May 5. 8.30pm 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE Oxford Circus sohotheatre.com

13/4/12 14:22:15

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It’s April, baby

SAIL CROATIA OR GREECE ON YOUR OWN SKIPPERED YACHT From ÂŁ368 pp

APRIL BABIES OPEN AIR SPRING FESTIVAL The Greyhound

The grand surrounds of south London’s Greyhound bar and beer garden host this Ibiza Send Off Party. Kick off summer in style with 12 hours of DJs and live acts, including Cimi, Dejavoo and Neutrino, across three stages. There’s creative arts stalls, facepainting and a BBQ. First-come-firstserved free entry via the website. We’re feelin’ warm already. £12

Sat, Apr 21. 3.30pm-3.30am SW16 5NJ Streatham yeahbabyproductions.co.uk

ANONYMOUS, UNTITLED...

RUBIX: IN THE HUB

This exhibition, with a daily changing title, aims to ‘disrupt the safe environment of the art gallery’. Artists Eva and Franco Mattes do this with a dazzling array of images and performances, including a simulated webcam suicide, fake sculptures by famous artists, and an assortment of images stolen from random PCs. Take that, Hirst!

This new spokenword event welcomes two of London’s most exciting poetry collectives, Rubix and Elephant, for an entertaining evening of loquacity, live music and cabaret, with the odd special guest appearing as well. So, soak up the lyrical skills and verbal dexterity, and get some culture in you. Word.

Until May 18. 8.30pm 56-57 Eastcastle St, W1W 8EQ Oxford Circus carollfletcher.com

Fri, Apr 20. 7.30pm The Roundhouse, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm roundhouse.org.uk

FREE

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13/4/12 14:22:19

LONDONNEWS

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@tntmagazine

BORIS BANS ANTI-GAY BUS ADVERTS Boris Johnson has blocked an advert by a Christian group claiming that they could make gay people straight.

The adverts, which would have appeared on London buses from next week, touted “gay conversion”, saying: “Not gay!

Ex-gay, post-gay and proud. Get over it!”

Backed by Christian groups Core Issues Trust and Anglican Mainstream, the ads mimicked an initiative for same-sex marriage by charity, Stonewall, which said: “Some people are gay. Get over it!”

Ben Summerskill, chief executive of the gay rights charity, criticised the groups for promoting “voodoo” science.

I see a twinkly eyed temptress who grins confidently back at me — one who stands tall, proud and with masses of va-va-voom Yet more from Samantha Brick on what she sees when she looks in the mirror

RICKSHAW DRIVER FINED FOR RACING A rickshaw driver has been fined for risking his passengers’ lives after “furiously racing” another pedicab along Shaftesbury Avenue in March.

Md Islam, 21, was spotted weaving past cars as his passengers egged him on, Westminster Magistrates’ Court heard.

His reckless cycling landed him with a hefty £245 to pay in fines and court charges.

ON THE TUBE

Flying to and from Heathrow is going to suck this summer

Heathrow Games gridlock Passengers arriving for the Olympics could face long waits London’s Heathrow airport will struggle to cope with the influx of people during the Olympics this summer, as immigration checkpoints will be understaffed, senior MPs have warned.

In a letter to culture secretary Jeremy Hunt, the House of Commons Culture, Media and Sport Committee said cuts to UK Border Agency staff and poor planning at the airport could cause disaster during the Games.

The letter said BAA, Heathrow’s operator, hadn’t allowed any extra time in flight schedules to unload the 600,000 extra passengers expected to land at Heathrow while the Olympics are on, between July 27 and August 12.

The committee’s chairman, John Whittingdale, said the delays would “deter tourists from returning”.

The MPs also suggested that planes may not be able to unload because of crowding.

Whittingdale added: “This would lead to circling in the air, planes being left on runways or planes blocking gates.”

Air traffic control service, Nats, said there will be 3000 extra business jets and has suggested that the government make changes to let it prioritise bigger passenger aircraft if needed.

BAA responded to the letter, saying: “Immigration waiting times during peak periods at Heathrow are frequently unacceptable and we have called on Border Force to address the problem as a matter of urgency.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

A taste of the Paralympics

THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

DISTRICT: Suspended between Richmond and Turnham Green on Saturday and Sunday. Rail replacement buses operate.

OVERGROUND: No service between Watford Junction and Queen’s Park on Saturday and Sunday. Use the Bakerloo line or replacement buses.

WATERLOO & CITY: Closed on Sunday and public holidays.

Photos: Getty

6

A travelling exhibition to raise awareness of Paralympic sports arrived in London last Thursday.

The Passion for Paralympics tour kicked off at the Science Museum before it heads around the country, with the aim to teach people more about the technology and spirit behind the Games in a hands-on way.

One exhibit is designed to let visitors feel the strength needed to power a carbon-fibre running blade, and compare themselves to the athletes who use them.

The exhibition moves to Glasgow on April 17, down to Manchester on May 14, before hitting Westfield Stratford shopping centre from July 27 to August 12, then it finishes up at the Olympic Park in Stratford for the Paralympic Games.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The 2012 World Poser Championships swung into action

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Boys will be boys The Backstreet Boys and New Kids On The Block are back, in the form of a superband. And London has Nineties fever WORDS CLARE VOOGHT Girls: hands up who had a favourite boyband member in the Nineties.

And hands up all the boys who were jealous. The boyband phenomena – the bleach-white smiles and poster-covered walls – didn’t elude many. So the comeback of the decade for anyone who was a pop-loving pre-teen two decades ago has to be NKOTBSB. The tongue-twisting and quite frankly OMG-inducing acronym for two all-American boyband greats – Backstreet Boys and New Kids On The Block – emblazoned across billboards London-wide will have been noticed by most fans. The two old-school greats are touring again, this time as a supergroup.

It’s a risky business – fans were either into BSB or NKOTB. BSB’s Howie Dorough confesses: “At first I wasn’t sure if they were gonna be territorial.

I started reading some stuff on Twitter and I was like ‘uh oh, security!’”

But, luckily for the pop veterans, their devotees weren’t as crazy as social media portrayed. “It’s cool to see both fanbases coming together, creating this huge monster-like army and being cool with each other,” Dorough says. ”Now they’re friends.”

8

They admit teaming up keeps things fresh. New Kid Joey McIntyre sees performing in front of someone else’s fans as a welcome “challenge”. But he still knows the songs will go down well.

“We’re lucky to have hits like The Right Stuff, I Want It That Way, Quit Playing Games With My Heart, I’ll Be Loving You Forever, Hangin’ Tough and Backstreet’s Back – every band would kill to have those hits.”

The shows give a lot more than your usual concert. The bands play both their own old favourites separately, but also produce group efforts and mash-ups of the two bands’ songs with tunes from the likes of Coldplay, Prince, AC/DC and Queen.

And it’s the stonking two-hour sets of joint pop-tastic nostalgia that has made the fans cross over. Dorough remembers one who was torn between him and McIntyre.

“There was a girl at one of our early shows with a ‘Howie’ sign,” he says.

“Then, I was looking at the monitor when NKOTB were up, and I was like, ‘does that sign say ‘Joey’? She’s got two signs!’ And I went back up there and the sign would say ‘Howie’. Then, when

we were both on stage, she had to flip it!”

“We made her decide,” McIntyre says, playfully. And who did she pick?

Dorough pauses. “I don’t know … probably Nick [Carter].” And the boyband rivalry is out in the open.

But asked if they fight, Dorough says: “The nine of us have a blast.

No arguments. I don’t think anyone’s stupid enough to mess this up.”

But it’s clear they’ve still got their egos – who wouldn’t, after being a heartthrob for 20 years?

“At the beginning of the show we have two lifts and both groups are going up on them. I always equate it to the Roman Colosseum,” McIntyre says.

“We had this one ending and it’s like, ‘boom’ and the lights go out and there’s another roar. It’s magic. It’s something out of some fantasy. To be able to do that every night is really special.

“I would feel for anybody who didn’t want to be in that show.”

MORE NINETIES EVENTS IN LONDON ›› NKOTBSB. O2 Arena, Apr 28-29. From £45.25 North Greenwich Draw Dock Road, SE10 0AX nkotbsb.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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‘H

Donnie Wahlberg greets a fan

Not over the hill: they’ve still got energy

SILENT DISCO

SAT 5TH MAY FREE ENTRY

Y TUESDAY OPEN MIC EVER AY ERY WEDNESD EV ES TI R A P E R FLATSHA ING FOOD AWARD WINN TERRACE ABLE ON THE LT O O P R O O OUTD N: COMING SOO JI P DJS ALEX KEN M LU P G N LI P DANNY RAM JAMES ZABIELA DJ FRESH (SA)

‘Help meeeeeeeee!’

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ERYKAH BADU HAMMERSMITH One of the neosoul pioneers of the Nineties, up there with the likes of Aaliyah, Erykah Badu stormed on to the scene with single On & On in 1997. Her debut album, Baduizm, went triple platinum and she won Grammy Awards in 1998.

Badu, who, incidentally, has a child, Seven, with Outkast’s Andre 3000, has released five albums since.

The veteran’s polished performance and vocal talent, which has been compared to Billie Holiday and Aretha Franklin, will have you transfixed.

BACK TO THE NINETIES AT VERANDA BRIXTON

£27.50

Wed, Jun 27. 7.30pm 2 Queen Caroline Street, W6 9QH Hammersmith venues.meanfiddler.com/apollo

If booty-shaking to Biggie Smalls, Michael Jackson and R Kelly is your idea of a ruddy good night out, then Veranda’s your spot. Your wallet won’t feel the burn, as it’s free entry all night and happy hour (5pm-8pm) has drinks at prices straight out of two decades ago. Get nostalgic, reminisce, and belt out those deliciously Nineties tunes at the top of your lungs.

FREE

WORK IT VARIOUS VENUES IN DALSTON AND SHOREDITCH

Last Friday of each month, 5pm-3am 30 Acre Lane, SW2 5SG Brixton veranda-london.com

The legendary club night that began in the underground bars of Dalston champions Nineties R’n’B. Its nights have had the glorious titles of Busta vs Missy, Whitney vs 2Pac, Snoop vs Lil Kim and Mariah vs LL Cool J. The next night, on April 21, is Work It’s 4th Birthday. £5

Monthly nights – join the ‘Work It’ group on Facebook to hear first Various east London venues youworkit.co.uk

I LOVE THE 90S CAMDEN This monthly Camden club night at The Jazz Cafe celebrates all sorts of Nineties musical gems – from super-stonking Britpop numbers to the most unashamed pop gems, plus dance, indie and hip hop classics. The word here is simple: ‘Ninetiestastic’.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI QUOTE ALONG LEICESTER SQUARE

£6

As part of the Period Rooms And Gardens exhibition, showcasing interiors since the 1600s, the Geffrye Museum has created a loft apartment, circa 1998.

It’s all very Friends – there’s even a huge Nineties TV and VCR.

Nineties up your wardrobe with a visit to Blitz Vintage Department Store. Score dungarees, cut-off shorts and jock-style jackets.

You’re so hip right now.

This Prince Charles Cinema event isn’t your usual film screening. First, it’s a quote along and second, it’s fancy dress. Fans of 1998’s The Big Lebowski are encouraged to come wearing their dressing gowns, and drink at a bar selling White Russians. Movie buffs will also be tempted by a spot of competitive bowling, to win a Prince Charles Cinema dressing gown. For those who don’t know, The Big Lebowski is about The Dude, a pot-smoking bowling freak who gets mistaken for a millionaire by a gang of thugs. This gets him caught up in a kidnapping black comedy debacle of epic proportions. It’s become a cult classic.

Tues-Sat, 10am-5pm, Sun, 12am-5pm 136 Kingsland Road, E2 8EA Hoxton geffrye-museum.org.uk

Daily. 11am-7pm 55-59 Hanbury Street, E1 5JP Shoreditch High Street blitzlondon.co.uk

Sat, May 5. 9pm 7 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BY Leicester Square princecharlescinema.com

THE GEFFRYE MUSEUM’S NINETIES ROOM HOXTON FREE

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Fri, Apr 27. 10.30pm 5 Parkway, NW1 7PG Camden Town ents24.com

RETRO DENIM BRICK LANE £1+

£12.50

THE NINETIES ROOM AT THE BRITISH MUSIC EXPERIENCE GREENWICH Giving visitors a look at the past 60 years of British music history, the BME has a room dedicated to 1993 onwards, with boyband nostalgia and a display of outfits worn by the Spice Girls, including Ginger’s Union Jack dress.

And on the website, there’s a Spotify playlist for the era, too, to get you in the zone.

Mon-Sun. 11am-7.30pm The O2, SE10 0AX North Greenwich britishmusicexperience.com

£12

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THROWBACK CLUB: 1990S SPECIAL BLOOMSBURY

REWIND BACK TO THE 90S LEICESTER SQUARE

A heady mix of music and video games, this Throwback Arcade Night, held at Bloomsbury Lanes, will play all the best indie, grunge, rock, pop and hip-hop from the Nineties, plus a live set from The Detours.

But that’s just the start – there’ll also be a selection of classic games from a selection of classic 1990s consoles, including eightplayer Bomberman on the Sega Saturn, four-player Mario Kart and Goldeneye on N64, Sonic on Megadrive and a hell of a lot more retro gaming greats. The karaoke rooms will also have a mix of tunes you can belt out like a true Nineties kid.

Add a splash of Nineties chic to your outfit – a crop top or a denim jacket, perhaps – and head to Rewind, at the Shadow Bar inside Leicester Square’s Empire Casino.

Dance until the small hours to some of the best 1990s tracks imaginable – think Ebeneezer Goode by The Shamen, Sit Down by James, Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer’s ultimate tune, U Can’t Touch This.

And the DJs take requests – as long as they’re suitably Nineties. Party on. £10

£6

Sat, April 21. 8pm-3am Lower Level, Tavistock Hotel, Bedford Way, WC1H 9EU Russel Square bloomsburylive.com

HOW (NOT) TO MAKE IT IN BRITPOP SOUTHWARK Playing Glastonbury, fan letters and walking barefoot for album covers – musician turned comedian Rosie Wilby shares the emotional rollercoaster that was chasing stardom at the height of Britpop. As documented at the time in Rosie’s Pop Diary – her column in the now defunct Making Music Magazine – expect bizarre, laugh-out-loud anecdotes, such as the time her house burnt down and she had to play a gig in an old Brownie uniform. £6

Every Sat. 10pm-3am 5-6 Leicester Square, WC2H 7NA Leicester Square rewind-nineties.com

Sun, April 22. 8pm Shipwright Yard, Tower Bridge, SE1 2TF London Bridge southwarkplayhouse.co.uk

PUMP UP THE VOLUME DALSTON

ECSTASY ACROSS LONDON The Nineties was the decade of raving, dance music and the infamous club drug, Ecstacy. The movie version of the euphoric highs and devastating lows depicted in Irvine Welsh’s 1996 book entitled Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance is out this week. Lloyd, played

by Adam Sinclair, spends his life partying and getting trashed, funded by smuggling jobs for a local drug boss. But when he meets Heather (Kristin Kreuk), he has to figure out if he’s in love with her, or if his feelings are chemically induced. He decides he has to escape, but not before one last trip. Club kids will also love the movie’s banging dance soundtrack. £5+

Don your denim jackets and hi-tops: this night at Visions Video Bar is dedicated to Nineties hip hop, house and pop. They love the likes of Whitney, TLC and Jazzy Jeff – the tunes that always get you carving up the dancefloor.

DRESS LIKE IT’S ’95 WHITECHAPEL The cult vintage store has tons of cheap Nineties finds – deck yourself out in an outfit your mum would’ve dressed you in as a kid, but way cooler, obviously, because it’s become retro.

Photos: Geffrye Museum; Chris Ridley, Simon Ward, Getty

£10+

Sun-Wed, 11am-6pm. Thurs-Sat, 11am-7pm Unit 1A Assembly Passage, E1 4UT Whitechapel theeastendthriftstore.com

Sign up to receive updates 588 Kingsland Road, E8 4AH Dalston Junction pump-up-the-volume.com

OH, WHAT A LOVELY RECESSION CLAPHAM The aim is to forget how bad the economy is with burlesque and Nineties nostalgia.

FREE

Every Fri. 8pm-2.30am 148 Falcon Road, SW11 2LW Clapham Junction the-peacock-bar.co.uk

Out on April 20 Cinemas across London ecstasymovie.co.uk

TITANIC IN 3D ACROSS LONDON Relive the iconic movie of the Nineties, with key moments such as the steamy-car-handswipe scene, the naked drawing and the “king of the world” bit in full 3D splendour. We wonder if it’ll make the iceberg look any more menacing? £5+

Out now Cinemas across London odeon.co.uk

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FINAL 1494 London Listings 90s N11 11

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When I want to chill out it depends what mood I’m in. At the moment our Friday evening class, its super chilled-out. Otherwise, if it is a nice day, there is nothing better than wandering down the Thames Path, you can go as far as you want and there is always so much to see.

WINNER Favourite M iddle East Operator A s voted by you!

I meet interestng peopel everywhere. I have a habit of chatting to anyone that I meet regardless of whether it’s on the Tube or waiting to meet people for coffee. It could be a film producer or a writer, or just someone going about their daily life. That’s the amazing thing about London, everyone is doing something.

My favourite place for a drink is The Anthologist on Gresham Street. It has a great vibe and, most importantly, it is around the corner from work!

For when you’re hungover in London drink some ginger beer and get some sleep!

What gets me up in the morning? My Blackberry: it’s incredibly loud and very persistent.

My perfect weekend involves doing absolutely nothing all day before going out with friends for drinks or dinner on Saturday night. My weekend is my respite from the week.

XXXXXXX /00 XXXXXXXXXXX /00

I’ve made too many fus pas to mention here. I am always putting my foot in my mouth.

I haven’t had time to do anything really naughty lately. The last few months have been so busy. I have quite a cheeky personality though and I love playing practical jokes and teasing people.

Five words that sum up London ... Be prepared for an adventure. bluecowyoga.com

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1494 mylondon.indd 12

trips for 18 to 30 somethings L8291 / Y2992

www.topdeck.travel

*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.63, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Subject to availability.

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LONDONDRINKS

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THE EDINBURGH CELLARS

@tntmagazine

A top spot

BAR THE SCENE It’s easy to think of Newington Green as a middle-class gateway hummus: a non-too-offensive pot of supermarket own-brand gentrification en-route to the overwhelmingly organic, ground-by-10th-generation-Lebanese-hummus-artisans, bourgeois chickpea mush of Stoke Newington. But “Newie G” has plenty to offer, including the charming Edinburgh Cellars. The decor, solid oak tables and buttonback leather armchairs, perfectly suit the pub’s high ceilings, and grand fireplaces.

The aquamarine walls allow it to be cosy in the winter and bright in the summer.

Like most pleasant North London pubs in the quinoa triangle (Crouch End, Highbury, Stoke Newington) things can get distinctly ‘prammy’ of a weekend.

THE GRUB The changing, and happily spare menu, is split between solid pub favourites (cheese burger, sausage and mash) and more refined options. The starters are inventive, if not immodestly cheap, while the desSerts thankfully aren’t your typical, ‘pierce the film lid and blast in a microwave for 30 seconds’ fare.

BEHIND THE BAR There are ales-a-plenty, which rotate regularly. The Cellar’s Kozel Czech lager serves as its bargain beer, and it’s quite excellent. The draught drinks are obviously well-kept – and it’s nice to see some people still care.

BILL PLEASE Wine and beer from £3.80, shots from £3, food from £1.25.

VERDICT Great for Sunday slumping or a schoolnight swig. OLI JONES

125 Newington Green Road, NI 4RA

3 OF THE BEST ST GEORGE’S DAY

Canonbury

THE LAMB TAVERN

THE RIB ROOM

THE BETJEMAN ARMS

This Leadenhall Market pub is inviting pre-registered punters to toast the mighty saint with a free pint or glass of wine, and break a toasting record, from 12.30pm. Cheers to that.

Celebrate with a British fourcourse tasting menu that has a twist, including scampi and chips with pickled-onion tartare, and a rhubarb-andraspberry bakewell tart with custard ice-cream. Yum! £55.

Have a ‘plate and a pudding’ of British fare on the terrace for a tenner at this St Pancras pub. There’ll be a hot roast in the afternoon, and if your name’s George, shout out for a free pint.

lambtavernleadenhall.com

theribroom.co.uk

geronimo-inns.co.uk

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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FINAL 1494 London Drink.indd 14

13/4/12 14:34:25

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BITE SIZE

Sushi: you gotta roll with it

FROM RUSSIA, WITH TWIST Chocolate and raspberry is one of the most sumptuous food marriages, and now it has been infused in vodka, to create an indulgent drinking experience. Stoli Chocolat Razberi has velvet chocolate notes, accented by warm vanilla-cocoa, with a delicate hint of raspberry flavour. It’s clean enough to have on the rocks, as well as part of a cocktail. You can buy it at Harvey Nichols for £27.50. facebook.com/stoliuk

KEEP IT FRESH A bit kitchen-phobic? A new food subscription service should whip you into culinary shape. Hello Fresh delivers fresh ingredients in the right quantities, with foolproof photo recipes, so you can make tasty and interesting meals at home. It beats annoying supermarket dashes, and furious hunts for obscure foods, such as star anise, or pink Himalayan salt.

Plus, there’ll be no spinach languishing in the back of your fridge. Three meals cost from £39. hellofresh.co.uk

LEARN THE ART OF A PINT There’s nothing like a cold beer to quench a summer thirst, but you’ll appreciate it much more if you learn what goes into making it. You can do this in a five-hour tutorial at Meantime’s state-of-the-art brewery, in Greenwich. You’ll learn about the brewing process, and – over lunch – how to match your food to a selection of ales. A course costs £60.

STICKS N SUSHI JAPANESE THE SCENE With nine branches of the Sticks N Sushi chain already well established in Copenhagen, the Japanese food specialist has landed in Wimbledon, taking residence on Wimbledon Hill – practically next door to the always-popular Wagamama. The cavernous interior under ambient lighting – seriously cool Danish light fittings set the mood – creates a comfortable atmosphere. Staff are knowledgeable about the origins and details of the ingredients, as well as being eager to offer helpful recommendations.

THE GRUB For sushi fans, the menu is truly enormous, which may be a little intimidating for beginners. Dishes such as the tuna or salmon tartare are an acquired taste, but there’s plenty of top-quality bite-sized fresh fishy delights that won’t startle a casual sushi novice. Add to that even more non-fish options in the form of the ‘sticks’ – including skewers of beef, battered scallops and the highlight: goats’ cheese wrapped in crispy Bayonne ham (intensely delicious) and you certainly won’t be missing anything. The beautifully prepared sushi is presented on charmingly chunky crockery and is all of the resh melt-in-themouth variety, tasting as good as it looks. The attention to detail at Sticks N Sushi certainly is impressive.

A wide range of white wines that mix well with fish, a fantastic Pinot Noir and some healthy juices – including a delicious mix of apple, spinach and ginger (trust us, it works). Also, water jugs come with a nice chunk of Japanese coal in them ‘for extra minerals’. Yup, you read that right.

BILL PLEASE The meals aren’t cheap, so it may be a dining experience more suited to a special occasion or impressing a date. Starters from £2.50; mains from £8.50; wine from£16.50; beer from £3.90; saki from £15 a bottle.

VERDICT Impressive stuff if you’re a sushi fan – who’d have thought the Danes had it in ‘em? For those nervous about raw fish, there are plenty of other options.

BEHIND THE BAR

meantimebrewing.com 58 Wimbledon Hill Road, SW19 7PA

sticksnsushi.com

Wimbledon

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@TNT GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

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Pink panther: Boris supports gay rights

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My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I have an obsession with Twitter. #bullshit.

Oliver Diffident Alopecia sufferers: To prevent boredom get some air.

Terry you can Say what you like but worrying works – 99 per cent of the things I worry about never happen.

Christian The last thing I want to do is hurt you... But it’s still on the list.

Jessica Can anyone think of cheap, inventive ways to communicate with my Grandma in Aus? Stamps too exy now.

Stace Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fits or a cricket bat.

Warne-lover How is it that a curry comes out the next morning almost as it went in the night before?

Stomach says ‘no’!

Hot Bum I see North Korea fucked up their missile launch. it’s not rocket sci ... Oh.

Jeremy I’m going Out with the lads from OCD anonymous tonight. My guess is things aren’t about to get messy.

Nado

16

LETTER OF THE WEEK Of course Boris was right to ban the ‘gay cure’ ads.

It’s called leadership.

We all have a right to live in a city that gives everybody the right to carry on their day-today activities without discrimination. Good on Boris! Christians have plenty of rights. They can go to church, they can stand outside and hand out materials in public and they have their own schools that they are allowed to go to. That’s a lot of freedom, mate!

Clint Heine, via Facebook

IN DEFENCE OF MONKS Sorry but I was pretty offendeded by your Burmese monks caption in WorldView (TNT 1494). Do you think it is fair to insult people who dedicate their life to peace and good will and ask if they left their fans and corsets at home?

As they say, if you haven’t got something nice to say...

Sarah O’Donnell, via Facebook

UNGRATEFUL TRAVELLERS! Calling France the rudest nation is a bit of a slap in the face from these ungrateful tourists, a bit like walking through someone’s house and calling them rude afterwards. Tourists seem to think they have the right to be treated like royalty in someone else’s country for some chump change, no wonder the Chinese built the Great Wall...

Matthew Lao, via Facebook

AMAZING FRANCE How many people class Paris as France?

London isn’t an accurate representation of England, and nor is Paris for France.

French people outside of the capital are friendly and accommodating. I’ve been to Paris in the winter and found people lovely. To all those who say they know France, move away from the Eiffel Tower and into the smaller towns, it’s a fantastic adventure!

Lara Jones, via Facebook

PISS OFF, 1D For heaven’s sake Australia, please keep One Direction.

Sending them back to us would be in direct contradiction of their name... plus you’re doing us a massive favour... Can you take in Justin Beiber too?

Simon Blake, via Facebook PAMPLONA /76 VIENNA /70

Clint wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @ScottyJW:One Direction fans to fork out £65k to get Niall’s half chewed vegemite toast” Inform them u can get Vegemite in Tesco now. @RobTroubadour:Gwan!!

Lad!!! Harry Styles has snagged himself another older woman @dearyme: I got an upgrade wearing an Indiana Jones tee

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Dan Thorne: Worst job: Blasting sticky labels off of crates with highpressure hose guns on a factory production line, with rotting veg flying all over the place.

Lennard Ramone: ‘Gay cure’ ad ban: Doesn’t it go against the right to live your life freely to suggest gay people need to be ‘cured’?

Tamra Johnston: Worst job: working as a brocoli chopper, or a chicken stuffer at the Steggles warehouse in Perth.That was fowl.

Photos: Getty

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1494 TNT Letters.indd 16

14/4/12 08:53:52

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TNT BOAT RACE AFTERPARTY Rockwell’s, Fulham Saturday, April 7 Photos by: Brandt Hurley / TNT Images

LONDON BRONCOS

BRADFORD BULLS

DATE: Sunday 6th May KO: 2.00pm AT: Brisbane Road, home of Leyton Orient

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LONDONSOUND

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‘Who you calling big mouth?’: Leftfield’s Neil Barnes

festival

I’LL BE YOUR MIRROR

watch

LEFTFIELD Brixton Academy, 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL SAT, APR 21 | DOORS AT 9PM | £29.50

May 25-27, Alexandra Palace, N22 7AY. £130 (weekend) King’s Cross

atpfestival.com

Mogwai curate this Ninetiescelebrating event, with the Scottish noisesmith’s headlining on Saturday, thrash metal titans Slayer (below) playing their Reign In Blood album on Friday, and Afghan Whigs leading Sunday. Throw in top support acts – 90s revivalists Yuck, the Melvins, grunge stalwarts Mudhoney – and you’ve an inner city rock-fest worth getting excited about.

Leftfield haven’t released anything new this side of 2000 – there have been remix collections, greatest hits compilations and last month’s live album, Tourism – but they are still a force to be reckoned with in the flesh. They’re back in Brixton, home to some of their most infamous gigs, for this charity show, and they’ve got a host of special guest friends along for the ride.

Booka Shade, aka German house DJs Walter Merziger and Arno Kammermeier, are on hand with a live show, along with Laurent Garnier, James Zabiela, Jess Jills, M.A.N.D.Y., Tempo Tantrum and Jemmy with Deerstalker providing the visual accompaniments and backdrop. The real treat, though, is the headline act themselves.

Despite not releasing any new material since 1999’s Rhythm and Stealth – which was only their second album – Neil Barnes (now minus Paul Daley, who has broken off to pursue a solo musical career) has continued to tour somewhat sporadically throughout the Noughties and Tweenies, playing headline shows and festival appearances.

Leftfields’s aural assault has won them legions of fans, and more than their fair share of opponents, who have attacked the band for their damagingly loud shows.

One show at this venue caused plaster to break off from the roof, purely due to the wattage emanating from the speakers. So if you’re worried about tinnitus, pack some plugs, but don’t miss out on Open Up and Phat Planet!

Brixton Academy

FINAL 1494 Lon Sound.indd 20

o2academybrixton.co.uk

13/4/12 14:37:23

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NEW BAND

THE BLACK SEEDS GIG THURS, APR 19. 7PM £14.50

The New Zealand dub/roots/reggae eightpiece, who once counted Brett MacKenzie among their number before he went off to work firstly on the Conchords and then for a bunch of Muppets, headline the Ballroom in support of their forthcoming fifth album, Dust and Dirt, due out today.

Electric Ballroom 184 Camden High Street, NW1 8QP Camden Town electricballroom.co.uk

RIDE BURLESQUE NIGHT

DJ KHALIL

CLUB

CLUB

SAT, APR 21. 7.30PM-3AM £8

FRI, APR 20. 8PM-2.30PM Free

With a ‘sexy equestrian vibe’, Proud’s new burlesque night promises live performances, fetish, burlesque, stilt walkers, angle grinders and acrobatics amongst the evening’s entertainment, with celebrity guest DJs and live performances from Stickman Cartell, Cat Lovers and Filthy Few and Friends, too.

Best known for running the Livin’ Proof clubnight, DJ Khalil is an LA-based hip hop and soul producer (he worked on four tracks of Eminem’s 2010 album, Recovery) and half of the Self Scientific duo. He hits town at the Big Chill House for a night of furious party tunes to get the crowd grooving.

Proud Camden The Horses Hospital, Stables Market, NW1 8AH Mornington Town proudcamden.com

The Big Chill House 257-259 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL King’s Cross bigchill.net

TRIM THE BARBER THE BUZZ SO FAR Post-punk shoegazers known for their emphatic live shows, this London foursome’s debut self-titled EP combines the spiked angst of The Cure and New Order’s organic basslines, with a world-weary lyrical outlook fuelled by “a sense of despair at the alienation and devolution of modern life”. As Blur once said, modern life is rubbish.

This lot aren’t.

THE CRITICS SAY “What’s instantly noticeable and applaudable is how distinctively British the sound of this act is.” Killing Moon THE PLUG The band’s EP, Trim The Barber, is available now via trimthebarber.bandcamp.com.

Photos: Getty

Bull and Gate, Wed, Apr 18. £6 389 KentishTown Road, NW5 2TJ Kentish Town clubfandango.co.uk

GAZ COOMBES

CLUB DE FROMAGE

THE DANDY WARHOLS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

FRI, APR 20. 9.30 £7

SAT, APR 20. 10.30PM-3.30AM £10

SAT, APR 21. 7.30PM £24

The former Supergrass frontman’s first foray as a solo star is encouraging. Debut album Gaz Coombes Presents... Here Come The Bombs is out in May, boasting some smart instrumentation and nuanced songwriting alongside the rockier numbers. He takes it to the live scene at this Club NME show, and at the Barfly next week.

Cheese is never going to be cool, everyone knows that, but it is always going to be pop-tastic fun – a guilty pleasure-fest that is impossible not to enjoy. Fromage-ers Fat Tonie and Slow Alfie (above) have used this to their credit at this weekly collection of the finest ‘dairy products’ you’re likely to shake your ass to.

They were once the ultra-cool indie rock band with that ace song Bohemian Like You that had the coolest video. But after hearing that song for the 10millionth time, the joke wore thin and people lost interest. The Dandys are still going, though, and are here to tour forthcoming new album, This Machine.

KOKO 1a Camden High St, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.co.uk

O2 Academy Islington 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS Angel clubdefromage.com

The Forum 9-17 Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY Kentish Town kentishtownforum.com

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FINAL 1494 Lon Sound.indd 21

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13/4/12 14:37:42

CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 16 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

The Jump Off DJs Rap6, Charlie Sloth and Manny Norte spin hip-hop, garage and R‘n’B. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 8pm-2am. £12, £10 before 9pm, adv £8.

Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam spin pop and carnival classics. Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033).

8pm-midnight. £5, free before 8pm.

Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

TUESDAY 17 Bingo Night DJs spin indie, plus Mr David Nottingham hosts bingo. The George Tavern, Commercial Rd, E1 0LA (020 7790 7335). 8.30pm-midnight. Free.

Jamm Sandwich Eddie Pillar, Arthur Baker and Lascelle Gordon spin pop, hip-hop, R‘n’B and dance hits. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

6.30pm-late. £5, guestlist £3.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, w/flyer free before 10.30pm.

Pink Tuesdays Freight Train spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, soul, funk and electro. Mother Bar, Old St, EC1V 9LE (020 7739 5949). 8pm-3am. Free.

Pongathon Resident DJs spin indie, pop and retro, plus ping pong.

Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). 5pm-11pm. Free.

Stupid Tuesday Resident DJs play funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus spin electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

22

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

FRIDAY 20 NOISILY FESTIVAL Leicestershire. May 25-27. £75 This new intimate electronic fest (1000 capacity) boasts pop-up woodland stages and music from Audio Bullys(above), Spektre (live) and more.

Bilesden

Market Harborough

WEDNESDAY 18 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4, guestlist £3.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Fat Poppa Daddys Resident DJs spin hip-hop, funk, electro, house, dubstep, 1980s hits, indie and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

11pm-2am. £5, free before midnight.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Nxt Ldn Kingsin, Doox, Tom Shanks, ThatBoyKana and Fugue State spin house, electro and garage. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-1.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm.

noisilyfestival.com

Work Lee Harris, Niyi Maximus Crown and Big John Freeman spin house, pop, electro, R‘n’B, funk and dancehall. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-5am. £5, £4 before 1am.

THURSDAY 19 Church Spencer, Maribou State, Pedestrian, Seb Wildblood & Apes, Tanka, Piri Piri and Jeeks spin punk and electro.

Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10pm3.30am. £5, £3 before midnight.

Drumm Charlotte Thorstvedt, Hearts & Bones and Capita! spin house and electro, plus The Dandies, Vices and Spring Offensive perform live, and visuals by LCD. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. £5, concs £3, free before 8pm.

Fuel Thursdays DJ Melody Kane spins house, funk, soul and urban beats. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

Good Vibrations Presents Ital Lion, Julian Fairshare and Sparky Dread spin reggae, dub and roots. Ginglik, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8PH (020 8749 2310).

7pm-1am. £6, mems free.

Smile Resident DJs play funky house, club classics and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £4, £3 before midnight.

Musical Bingo Presents DJs Rapture and Jonny Unknown spin dance, pop and indie, plus bingo with Ms Lola Hi-Rola.

Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888). 7pm-midnight. £7.

Supercollider Boxcutter, Craftwife, Timeblind, Mico Rex, Fredrik Olofsson, Ck13 and Louis Mac spin rock and punk.

Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 8pm-1.30am. £5.

Musicmovesmysoul Bobby Champs, Crypt, Richard Aki and residents spin techno, dub and funk.

The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774).

10pm-3am. £5, £3 before midnight.

Trannyoke DJ Matt spins pop and dance, with host Lady Lloyd, and karaoke. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. Free.

Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 10pm.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

Red Bull Music Acadamy DJ Diplo plays electro, hip-hop, funk, house and dubstep. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-4am. £10, adv £5.

Abstract I Give Good Face, EternA, Jack Swaffer, Dean Chapple, Paul The Knife, Katie Cooper, Steve Dewey and Hodge mix house and electro. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-6am. £15, adv £10.

Apogee Presents DJs Huxley, Coat Of Arms, Maxxi Soundsystem, Cera Alba and eLDOKO mix house, disco and electronica in room one, while Adam Shelton, Brinsley Kazak and Bruno Schmidt play house in room two. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-7am. £12, concs £10.

Funkin Good Fridays Steve “Bond” Butcher spins pop and 1980s classics. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

The Gallery Hernan Cattaneo & Nick Warren, Dave Seaman, 103, Filth & Splendour, Bon Finix, Jesse James, Filthy Funk Funk, Loft, Flat 7, Baby Box and Endemic Digital play house, electro, trance and techno. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £14, mems £11.

I Power Dub Jah Voice, Jah Sufferer and Aba-Shanti-I spin dub, reggae and dancehall. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 10pm-6am. £12.

Roller Disco Old school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

Silence Presents DJs Fumiya Tanaka and Sonja Moonear spin electro and rock. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). 10pm-late. £15, adv £10, £8 before midnight.

Tales Of The Unexpected Dixon Brothers & Friends and All Night Long spin electro, punk, rock and swing. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-2.30am. £10, guestlist £10, £8 before 10pm, guestlist £6 before 10pm, free before 9pm.

UKF 3rd Birthday DJs Knife Party, Zane Lowe, Friction, Shy FX, Mistajam, Breakage, 16bit, Koan Sound, Sigma and Hellfire Machina spin electro, dubstep, drum ‘n’ bass and garage, plus MCs Stamina, Messy and Linguistics. Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 8463 3070).

9pm-6am. £20, adv £17.50.

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SATURDAY 21 Club With Attitude - The 18th Birthday Party Top-selling gay lifestyle magazine Attitude celebrates its 18th birthday with a live performance from X Factor finalist Marcus Collins, DJ sets from the Freemasons featuring Katherine Ellis supported by Paul Heron, Mikey D and Harvey Adam, plus dance group Boys With Attitude. Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 8463 3070).

10pm-7am. £27, subscribers £24.

Dagma Tinsae Eve Kemer Yousuf, Berehanu Tezera, Soloman Haile and Mensure A Munshi play world music.

The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). 10pm-5am. £20.

Defected In The House Osunlade, Noir, Supernova, Dimitri From Paris, Simon Dunmore, Delice Dephunk, Justin C, Ookee, Holly-Bee and Tempted spin trance, techno and house. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

11pm-7am. £15, mems £12.

Je Ne Sais Quoi DJs Hugo Mendez, Frankie Francis, Rootsteady and Simbad spin soul, disco, Latin and dancehall, plus Prince Fatty’s Soundsystem. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706).

8pm-3am. £10, adv £7.

Kisstory DJs Justin Wilkes and Manny Norte spin old skool house and R‘n’B, plus live performances from Kele Le Roc and Ed Case.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). 10pm-3am. £16.50.

Mixmag Live House, electro and disco courtesy of Simian Mobile Disco. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505).

6pm-4am. £15, adv £12.

Soulberries Soul, funk and electro courtesy of the Soulberries.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Tittle Tattle Tomoki Tamura, Dom Keenan, Kazizi, James Monday and guest Simon Garcia spin house and techno. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

6pm-late. £15, free before 9pm.

SUNDAY 22 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maximus, Lee Edwards and Roch-Mix-Hard spin house and techno. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136).

11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight.

Hula Boogie Miss Aloha and The Reverend Boogie spin vintage hits. South London Pacific, Kennington Rd, SE11 4LD (020 7820 9189). 7pm-1am. £7.

Shiva Present Kiss FM DJ Steve Smart spins dance and club anthems. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

Showtime DJ Phatman plays house, R‘n’B and chart. Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010).

10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

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MONDAY 16

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul from the seven-piece. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.

Blip, Sam Pettigrew Improv from the Australian duo.

Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £7, adv £6.

Steps: The Ultimate Tour Nineties pop from the reunited five-piece, including hits 5, 6, 7, 8, Tragedy, One For Sorrow and Heartbeat.

The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £37.50 & £40.

Breed 77 Flamenco-flavoured metal band from Gibraltar. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

FRIDAY 20

The Dark Rooms, Echoing The Sound, Pob, Casino Trap Alt and lo-fi rock group from Perth, Australia. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50.

Joe Cang Soul and blues by the London-based singer-songwriter.

Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £10-£30.

John Idan Band Blues-rock by the Detroit-born singersongwriter and band. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Simon Fowler, Laura Victoria The Ocean Colour Scene vocalist and guitarist performs an acoustic set.

St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). £15.

La Linea: Madredeus World music and folk from the Portuguese band led by guitarist Pedro Ayres Magalhaes. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15-£26.

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WEDNESDAY 18

Noah And The Whale, Bahamas, Rae Morris The London-based indie-folk outfit gently embraces synth-pop on the third album, Last Night On Earth. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £20-£25.

Alchemy 2012: Raghu Dixit Project And Members Of Bellowhead World music and Indian folk from the musician with members of the band Bellowhead. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£20, concs £5-£10.

Emeli Sande, Seye Contemporary soul and R‘n’B from the Londonbased singer-songwriter. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.

Elkie Brooks The Manchesterborn pop and blues vocalist performs songs from her 50-year career. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £21.

TUESDAY 17

Delaney Davidson Blues and folk singer-songwriter from New Zealand. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

Jon Allen, Beth Rowley The London-based singer-songwriter and musician plays soulful blues, folk-rock and roots. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50.

The Bosshoss The Berlin-based band plays country-rock in support of the album Liberty Of Action.

Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £13.50.

Hollie Cook, Prince Fatty Sound System Pop and reggae by the London-based singer.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.

Georgie Fame And The Blue Flames, Ronnie Scott’s All Stars R‘n’B, soul and jazz band known for its 1960s hits Yeh Yeh and Getaway.

Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£48.50.

The Miserable Rich Indie-folk with classical-leanings from the Brighton-based outfit.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10.

Nneka Afrobeat and soul from the Nigerian singersongwriter. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £16.

Twin Atlantic Alt rock from the Glasgow-based fourpiece. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £13.50.

The Enemy The Coventry-based band plays indie-rock from the album Streets In The Sky. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £16.50.

Francois & The Atlas Mountains The singer-songwriter and musician leads his Bristolbased outfit in playing quirky alt pop. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10.

Melanie Harrold Electric-folk singer-songwriter from London.

Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £10.

Motion City Soundtrack Alt rock by the Minneapolisbased band. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £15.

Bic Runga The New Zealand-based singer-songwriter performs popfolk from her album Belle. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Zoot Money The resident bluesman performs standards.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

THURSDAY 19 Patti Austin R‘n’B and jazz by the singer-songwriter from California.

Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £25 & £35.

Anthony Hamilton And His Band R‘n’B by the Grammy Award-winning American singer.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £28.50-£50.

Nick Harper, Siobhan Parr, Dave Sutherland The singersongwriter performs folk-rock.

Blackheath Halls, Lee Rd, SE3 9RQ (020 8463 0100). £12, concs £10.

Scott Matthews, Beth Rowley Acoustica and folk-rock from the singer-songwriter.

Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £17.50.

The Black Seeds The New Zealand-based band plays reggae, funk and dub in support of the album Dust And Dirt. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £14.50.

McFly: Keep Calm And Play Louder Tour The chart-topping four-piece plays lively pop-rock and poppunk. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £27.50.

Chinese Man Hip-hop and electro by the Marseille-based outfit.

229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £20.

Meshuggah Extreme metal by the Swedish band. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £17.50.

D.USK, Inverloch, Indesinence, Necro Deathmort Doom metal from the Australian five-piece.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.

Jim Moray Folk-rock from the Bristol-based multiinstrumentalist. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

Mark Fry The psych-folk singersongwriter performs songs from his album Dreaming With Alice with his band featuring members of Mercury Rev and Super Furry Animals.

Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). £14.

Mouse On Mars Electronica from the German duo. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). £15.50.

Major Lazer, The Toddla T Sound House and reggae by Diplo & Switch’s alternative outfit. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.

Opossom The New Zealand-based band plays psych pop and garagerock. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £6.

Jack Savoretti Folk-pop by the London-based singer-songwriter.

Pizza Express Jazz Club, Dean St, W1D 3RW (020 7437 9595/ cc 0845 602 7017). £15.

Oysterband And June Tabor The veteran outfit and singer reunite to perform folk from their album Ragged Kingdom, a follow-up to their 1990 release Freedom And Rain. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £20, concs £16.50.

Rocky Votolato Alt country and indie-folk by the Texas-born singer-songwriter and ex-member of Waxwing. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £11.

Ian Prowse Indie-rock with a Celtic twist by the Liverpoolbased singer-songwriter from the band Amsterdam. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

SATURDAY 21 Alchemy 2012: Shankar Mahadevan & Purbayan Chatterjee Asian music from the singer and sitar player. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£55, concs £5-£22.50.

Buddy Holly: A Legend Reborn Rock ‘n’ roll rhythms of legendary hits, featuring Peggy Sue and Raining In My Heart. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £18, adv £17, concs £16, adv £15.

DonGuralEsko, Qlop, Pablo APG Hip-hop from Polish rapper Piotr Gorny. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). £15.

JLS: The 4th Dimension Tour The award-winning four-piece plays chart-topping pop and R‘n’B from its album Jukebox.

The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £25-£33.50.

Leftfield, Booka Shade, Laurent Garnier, James Zabiela, M.A.N.D.Y, Jemmy, Tempo Tantrum Londonbased electronic and dance outfit.

O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £29.50.

La Linea: Roberto Pla Latin Ensemble The Colombian percussionist leads his Latin outfit. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £23, adv £20.

John Renbourn, Robin Williamson And Wizz Jones The veteran guitarist and founder member of Pentangle unites with the musicians to play folk. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £16.50.

Adnan Sami The Mumbai-based pianist and composer melds Asian and Western music in his original compositions. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £28.25-£77.

Nico Tamburella Italy-born hard rock guitar virtuoso.

Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (020 7957 8261). £20.

SUNDAY 22

Jackie Oates The BBC Folk Award-winner plays sumptuous folk. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £12.50, concs available.

Bikini The Hungarian band plays rock. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £25.

The Searchers The 1960s veterans play harmonious pop hits. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £20, adv £19, concs £18, adv £17.

Judy Collins Folk-pop from the American singersongwriter. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £25.

The Solid Silver 60s Show Retro pop portmanteau show featuring Peter Noone, Chris Montez and Brian Hyland with Brian Poole, all backed by Vanity Fare. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £32.50.

Michael W Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, Caleb Contemporary Christian pop and rock from the Grammy Award-winning American singer-songwriter and musician.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £24.50-£37.50.

Tyla Rock singer-songwriter and guitarist. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £10.

Toyah Pop-rock from the veteran singer and actress.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £19.50.

Wunmi Afrobeat, house and alt funk from the singer. Momo, Heddon St, W1B 4BH (020 7434 4040). £10.

Buddy Whittington The guitarist from John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers plays the blues. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £20-£32.50.

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Extra marital-affairs: there's a website for that 26

[Caption]

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Cheating hearts Fancy a bit on the side? Forget doing the dirty in your neighbourhood, we review the best websites for affairs WORDS CAROL DRIVER Men and women aren’t meant to be faithful – so says Eric Anderson in his latest book The Monogamy Gap (TNT 1490).

But if you want to embark on a fling or extramarital affairs, where do you look? It’s not as easy as it might sound to find a bit on the side: heading to your local bar isn’t advisable, nor is dating someone from work. You will get found out.

However, there are plenty of websites catering for those in relationships who want no-strings-attached fun in London.

You just need to know where to look.

Illicit Encounters, illicitencounters.com As I log on to the Illicit Encounters website, there are 170 women and 187 men online. At 9.50am. How can so many people be looking for sex so early in the day?

“I’m looking for someone who is true to themselves,“ one claims. “I’m looking for a romantic bloke who will spoil me rotten,“ giggles another. “Own car and own home – as well as a wallet that can run to four-star hotels – essential,“ confides a third.

These are up-for-it women, who know exactly what they want, and how to get it. Something which, to me, blurs the line between romance, hot sex and a form of prostitution. Within 10 minutes, I have seven messages from other members, all responding to my almost-blank profile : these guys are eager.

The site has more than 47,000 members in London, and is free to sign up to, but if you want to send and receive messages, it can cost anything up to £499 a month.

So is it worth it? Gem*, 28, a paralegal who lives in Islington, seems to think so. Despite having been in a relationship with her boyfriend, who she met at uni, for four years, she signed up in 2011.

Gem has a penchant for older men, and her other half is the same age as her. Through the site, she meets guys in their thirties and forties. Some dates have led to one-night stands, others have amounted to nothing.

“I’m a party girl, so when I tell my boyfriend I’m out with mates, he doesn’t suspect anything,“ she explains. “I want some excitement – and that’s what I get from the site.“ Dumping her partner, who has no idea of the double life Gem’s leading, isn’t an option. “He’s husband material,“ she says. “I wish I’d met him in the future. I will marry him.

I won’t ever tell him what I’ve been up to. He’d be devastated

if he knew. But I don’t feel guilty.“ However, not everyone on the site is so nonchalant. When I speak to George, 34, he sounds wracked by guilt. Curiosity got the better of him and he signed up to the site five years ago – before he married his then-girlfriend and she gave birth to his two children.

George*, who lives in Clapham and works as doctor, said

“

I’ll marry him, but I want to have fun first

”

he had a break from the site when his second child was born, to try to make it work with his wife, who he’s been with since they were teenagers. But the lure of what he felt he was missing out on was too much.

“I’ve had two long-term relationships with women I’ve met on the site,“ he says. “One moved to New York, which was probably for the best, as we really hit it off. The first time we met, we arranged a day together in London, then I had a hotel booked for the evening.

“We knew we would have sex. It was exciting, it was different. My heart was racing. It wasn’t kinky – I’m not on the site to fulfil any perverse fantasy. I thought about my wife afterwards, and I felt guilty. But after waking up next ››

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No-strings: meet people for romance or sex

to this woman, and having sex again, I didn’t feel so bad.“ George admits he has no intention of stopping – the desire for the excitement of a new relationship outweighs his desire to stay home with his wife and kids.

“I know if she found out, she would be gutted. I would be gutted if she was doing it to me, but it’s obviously not strong enough to make me stop. We don’t have the intimacy I crave – we only have sex a few times a year,“ he says.

So how does he cover up his infidelities? “I often work late and work away for weekends, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary if I tell her that’s what I’m doing,“ he says.

But, Illicit Encounters says he’s got more chance of getting caught by his partner than Gem: only 5 per cent of women on the site have been caught cheating by their other half, whereas 10 per cent of guys have been rumbled.

affairs4U.com The name of this extramarital affairs site doesn’t exactly conjure images of romance – more sex-to-order. The profiles are more blatant than Illicit Encounters. “Bored husband doesn’t appreciate me,“ and, “Bored with the amount of time my husband doesn’t want to spend with me,“ seem to be common complaints. These women want some attention.

The site has 16,300 members in London – the largest group for men is 25-35-year-olds. There’s no fee to register, but to send messages, you’ll need to upgrade, which is free to women and up to £210 a year for men.

Ashley Madison, ashleymadison.com This classy-looking site is huge in the US and has more than 230,000 members in London, with 70 per cent of users men.

As I log on, a bald, shiny-headed man is the first profile I see. He’s attached, aged 43 and “looking for fun and games when on business every week in London“.

It’s free to sign up to the site and it’s non-subscription, which means you can buy credits which start at £39, allowing you to chat to other members.

lovinglinks.co.uk David Miller set up lovinglinks.co.uk in 1994, and it now has more than 40,000 members, with about 6000 in London.

“When people come to us, there’s already a dent in their relationship – we’re not the first step along the way,“ Miller says. “Marriage isn’t just about sex. It’s about children, the joint mortgage – so when the intimacy goes, there are lots of other things you don’t want to throw away. We’re an Elastoplast in a sense.“ Sign up from £39.95 a month.

The rest Just Googling “extramarital affairs“ throws up 1.6m results.

Other sites include meet2cheat.co.uk, discreetadventures.com, findnewpassion.com, maritalaffair.co.uk, outoftownaffairs.co.uk, forbiddenflirt.co.uk, philanderers.com, not to mention the personals sections on sites such as Craigslist and Gumtree. It seems everyone’s at it. Is your other half? ❚

Top 10 tips: How to NOT get caught cheating

28

aOn dates, make sure you always carry cash. Credits card payments leave a paper trail. aWhen seeking out lovers online, use private browsing so your browser doesn’t log the pages you visit. aIf you’re emailing your new squeeze, create a new, free account your partner doesn’t know about. aCalling your lover is a dangerous business. Make sure no one is around

to hear you, and delete the evidence. aKeep an eye on your phone. The most common way for people to get caught is by their partner spying a suspicious text on their mobile. Better yet, get a separate SIM card. aExcuses that are believable are the best. The most common excuse for our members is ’working late’.

By Rosie Freeman-Jones, cheating expert for IllicitEncounters.com

Photos: Getty; Illicit Encounters; Thinkstock *names changed

aAvoid office romances. Affairs at work will be found out very quickly. aIf you’re planning on having an affair, try to meet someone outside of your social circle. aMake sure both parties understand the rules. It’s safest to date someone in a similar situation, so you both have an understanding of what’s at risk. aHave an ’affair friend’ who can act as your alibi when you need one.

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HOW TO ENTER

Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

VIP TICKETS TO THE BLACK SEEDS LONDON ALBUM RELEASE SHOW! show and five CDs as extra prizes.

The Black Seeds will not be back in the UK until their festival appearances this summer, so this is a superb opportunity to get some early summer vibes and see the band’s legendary live show up close and personal.

Prize does not include travel or accommodation. Winners will be contacted on show day to arrange admission to the venue and meetand-greet.

Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions with the answer to this question: What is the name of the Black Seeds’ new album?

PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT1489: TRAVEL TALK SPLIT-DUBROVNIK-SPLIT SAILING TOUR FOR TWO: Liam Johnson

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Photos: The Black Seeds

heavyweights release their eagerly awaited new album Dust And Dirt in the UK on April 16.

The band play two UK shows on the week of release, including a sellout gig at London’s Electric Ballroom in Camden and TNTT is offering readers a money-can’t-buy slice of the action – a pair of VIP tickets to the Camden show on April 19.

Winners will get backstage passes, a chance to meet the band and an exclusive Black Seeds goodie bag to take away at the end of the night.

TNTT is also offering two pairs of runners-up tickets to the Camden

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Mike Parry The Lucky Life promoter on the real Ibiza, how the island’s vibe and music has changed, and hearing that beat within INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

Your TV show, Lucky Life, shows the real side of Ibiza ...

I started going to Ibiza about six years ago, and fell in love with the place the moment I landed but I was really surprised to find it wasn’t anything like I had seen on a few TV Shows. Of course, you get a few crazy streets in the west side, but that was only a tiny element of the island. And it wasn’t only my perception of Ibiza that had been swayed by the negative press – many of my friends all had a tarnished view of Ibiza from what they’d seen on TV. How did you get the show started?

Initially, we were just going to grab some camcorders and film whatever we got up to, throw it online and see what happened. After talking with a few people involved in TV, we decided to take it on as a real venture, so flew out to South Africa, filmed a pilot, and then utilised our contacts to start filming whatever we could on the island. We started with The Ibizan Heat Tour and the British Student DJ Champs.

What is the real Ibiza then?

For me, it’s all about the balance. One minute you can be partying at the world-famous clubs, dancing to DJs and performers you’ve always dreamed of hearing, and the next morning, you’re out on a boat cruise to Formanterra, or at a retreat up in the north. For me, the real Ibiza is what you discover when you explore the island.

Photo: Misbehaviour

How has the music changed?

Every year there’s a shift in the music, who plays where – last year Armin Van Buuren moved from Amnesia to Space. It used to be all about electronic dance music – and still is – however, there’s now a huge amount of live acts, and the ears are broadening to a bigger range of music, especially with the influence of Ibiza Rocks and Eden Live nights.

How do the indie kids mix with the dance scene?

People are becoming open to different types of music, they’re less boxed-in. Instead of just being a house head, or just being minimal or a rock guy, people can experience all kinds of music now. Dizzee Rascal, Example and Ed Sheeran are

Mike (right) with Paul van Dyk in London before his Evolution album launch party

there this year, and the Ibiza 123 Festival, with Elton John, Sting, Lenny Kravitz and more will be the island’s first three-day outdoor festival.

a flawless 20-minute interview with him at his house. He’s as awesome as you’d imagine, and truly passionate about what he does.

What’s your favourite thing about Ibiza?

The moment you leave the airport, you realise you’re in a unique place. Billboards don’t advertise washing powder or cars, but your favourite DJs and clubs. The local radio play the best house music 24/7 and the weather is always amazing. For me, there is just an atmosphere I haven’t experienced anywhere else!

What have you learnt about the island?

Growing up in South Africa, I always thought of club owners and promoters as big bad guys, but I’ve found during the past two years that people in the industry in Ibiza are a lot more friendly and open to new ideas than I would have expected.

The owner of Space is an amazing 75-year-old Spanish gent who came to Carl Cox’s 10th anniversary party and sipping champagne at two in the morning to celebrate.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen?

I was once found by friends dancing on a street corner, in the middle of the day, with no headphones on and no music playing – Ibiza has a beat you can only hear within.

What’s been your wildest night?

Rather than wildest night, my wildest week happens every June during the Ibizan Heat opening parties tour. Twenty promoters, more than 50 DJs and 500 clubbers from around the world. Seven days and nights of mayhem!

You interviewed Carl Cox last year – what was he like?

We filmed his opening night at Space. He did a 10-hour set for the 10th anniversary of his night, The Revolution, there. The following day we did

What is the biggest misconception about Ibiza?

That it’s full of drunken trash. Everyone’s there to have a good time, let their hair down and meet some cool people. And then you have the north of the island, the hippy markets and yoga and the meditation retreats. Some people go there two or three times, go clubbing and then feel they have outgrown it. I feel that I grow with the island on each visit and I want to help others experience the balance I love Ibiza for.

Lucky Life TV at luckylife.co.uk. April Babies Open Air Spring Festival. April 21, 3.30pm3.30am. £12 Greyhound, SW16 5NJ Streatham luckylife.co.uk

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LONDONSCENE

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Swords: just in case Jaws comes

SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt, Kristin Scott Thomas, Amr Waked | 12A | 107mins

LOCK OUT FILM STARRING: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Peter Stormare | 15 | 95mins

Guy Pearce stars in this sci-fi action thriller that is, essentially, Escape From New York – only with the action shifted from Manhattan to space.

Pearce’s wrongly convicted special agent is tasked with saving the president’s daughter (Maggie Grace) from a nasty deep space prison, housing, amongst others, Joe Gilgun’s Glaswegian space rapist.

On general release from Friday

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Emily Blunt and Ewan McGregor star in this terribly British drama about life lessons, romance, and fishing for salmon in the most unlikely of places.

McGregor is Fred, a stiff-upper-lipped fisheries expert who has embraced mid-life mediocrity, until he is forced into the path of Blunt’s Harriet, who represents Sheikh Muhammed, a monied Middle Eastern with a plan to bring salmon fishing (which cuts through the Western class barriers, he says) to the highlands of Yemen.

A £50m injection later, and with Kristin Scott Thomas’s prime minister’s press secretary hoofing the project into action to secure a positive story, McGregor and Blunt begin an unlikely journey towards an even more unlikely romance.

It’s as British as they come, presenting a bumbling, Four Weddings-esque poshvoiced view of the Brits. McGregor and Blunt carry the blossoming romance well, McGregor handling Fred’s growth from life spectator to participant particularly effectively. Scott Thomas steals scenes shamelessly as the smart-mouthed spinseeker, Simon Beaufoy’s script calling to mind In The Loop’s razor-sharp satire here in the government spin-set scenes. The ingredients are there for a soulful journey of growth and inspiration, with political satire generating much of the comedy, despite the odd plot strand going a little untethered.

Director Lasse Hallström (The Cider House Rules) mostly succeeds with his adaptation of Paul Torday’s novel, but the gentleness and good-natured inoffensiveness ultimately renders it too nice for its own good.

GOOD FOR: Inspirational lessons about going against the grain

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GIVE US A

PAM ANN: YOU F’COFFEE

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Pam Ann, aka Aussie comedienne Caroline Reid, touches down in London to bring a bit of glamour back to the airlines. Camp, outrageous, and full of acerbic observations about the travel industry’s absurdities, Ann harks back to the golden days of flying, not today’s budget airline ‘pack ’em in’ cattle-travel.

Ha ha!

Bloomsbury Theatre WC1H 0AH. Apr 17-29 (not 23) & May 1-5. £22 Euston Square thebloomsbury.com

LONDON FILM MUSEUM

ANASTASIA

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

A little bit of movie glamour arrives in Covent Garden with the opening of this film-obsessed exhibition space, which kicks off with Magnum On Set, comprising cult and classic photos from the world of movies taken by the famous photo agency. Includes shots of Rebel Without A Cause, Moby Dick and The Seven Year Itch.

Grand Duchess Anastasia, the 17-year-old daughter of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, was brutally murdered by Bolshevik secret police in 1918 – or was she? The acting here’s varied (and, latterly, DNA has provided evidence of Anastasia’s true fate) but this intriguing story keeps you guessing right to the end. LK

London Film Museum-Covent Garden WC2E 7BB, Apr 21-Sept 1. £8.50 Covent Garden londonfilmmuseum.com/magnum

Pushkin House Bloomsbury Square, WC1A 2TA. Until Apr 21. £18. Holborn pushkinhouse.org

DEBORAH FRANCES-WHITE What’s your show, Ultimate Party, about? A hilarious mix of stand-up, games, real conversations with comedians, specially mixed cocktails and silliness – the Monday you never allowed yourself.

What’s the best party you’ve ever been to? A night at the Edinburgh festival up on Arthur’s Seat where the police tried to confiscate a comic’s substance but he was so funny they gave up trying and just left.

Photos: Steven Meckler; Johan Persson

Weirdest gig? I once did a gig in Spain for the people who put porn in hotel rooms – that was an interesting combination of sordid repression.

MARLEY

THE DUCHESS OF MALFI

FILM

THEATRE

Kevin MacDonald, who wowed with mountain climbing survival doc Touching The Void and Idi Amin drama The Last King Of Scotland, directs this documentary about Bob Marley, looking at the man himself, his music, and, most of all, his impact on cultural and political change. His legacy has been well documented, and the real draw here is the archive footage and interviews.

The Italian Renaissance court looks gorgeous – a soaring golden network of candlelit arches and stairways – to house John Webster’s Jacobean tragedy. Eve Best’s central performance as the duchess whose wedding causes consternation amongst her family is warm, and the production is detailed if not always involving. LK

On general release from Friday.

Old Vic The Cut, SE1 8NB. Until June 9. From £10 Waterloo oldvictheatre.com

Your last stand-up show was called How To Get Almost Anyone To Want To Sleep With You – any top tips? Girls: wear a hat and you don’t even need a personality. Guys: hold your head still when you speak – it makes you look like James Bond.

Deborah Frances-White’s Ultimate Party Leicester Square Theatre, WC2H 7BX. April 23. 7.30pm. £12.50 Leicester Square deborahfrances-white.com

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SPARETIME

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Jewel Quest 5 Nintendo DS

Puzzles, love and stolen jewels – more than 200 new tests in this edition. £17.99 play.com

Album

Sweet southern guitar sounds from the band that met in a high school psychology class. £7.97 amazon.co.uk

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Counting Crows: Underwater Sunshine

X360

You are Geralt of Rivia – a professional monster slayer, aka a witcher. £37.97 asda.com

Album

The first new album from the multi-platinum American rock band in four years. £8.99 play.com

Crime City Jose Pizarro: Spanish Flavours

Android

Multiplayer mafia game where you build a mob, go on missions and bag loot.

Free play.google.com

Book

Recipes that will remind you of your travels in Spain’s farthest regions. £14.99 bookdepository.co.uk

Fitocracy iPhone

Jane McGonigal: Reality is Broken

Tracks workouts and achievements to motivate you, with social networking.

Free itunes.apple.com

Book

How gaming radically improves our lives and can change the world. £7.99 waterstones.com

E-reader case Accessory

Choose your favourite book cover to jazz up a dull and grey digital reader. £14.95 RED5.co.uk

Las Acacias DVD

A lorry driver agrees to take a woman and child from Paraguay to Buenos Aries. £12.95 thehut.com

Fuji FinePix XP150 Digital camera

Rubber coating and hardy weather seal – a sand, dust and waterproof travel hero. £199.99 argos.co.uk

Die Hard Quadrilogy Blu-ray

Each and every single ‘yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker’ moment, for your enjoyment. £25.99 sainsburys.co.uk

App of the Week Paper by FiftyThree iPad

Beautifully put-together sketchpad to create drawings, diagrams, illustrations and more – arty types will be hooked.

Free itunes.apple.com

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Bike-on soul lady women’s cycling jersey A girly biking number with breathable fabric.

Pace 1/2 zip bike shirt Unisex biking t-shirt made with advanced dry fibre and a ‘cool grid’ on the back, to keep you chilled.

Active gel cycling shorts Some serious men’s cycle apparel – and the bum’s padded for extra comfort.

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SHOPWATCH ALTERNATIVE FASHION WEEK

Photos: Oleg Katchinski

Want to get ahead of the game in fashion? For the capital’s truly cutting-edge style, head to the East End. All this week Spitalfields Market will host catwalk shows from 14 different designers a day, plus a fashion market selling hot new clothes and accessories.

With fashion ranging from edgy to elegant, the innovative pieces for men and women focus on original and recycled textiles, with special concern for environmental awareness and ethical sourcing. Some designers will also offer exclusive discounts – Tina Lombodi, who will be there from April 19-21, is pledging a generous 30 per cent off items, including pieces from her new line. Get over to Spitalfields and bag yourself some up-to-the-minute finds.

OPEN Apr 16-21, 11am-5pm COST Free admission alternativearts.co.uk/AFW Spitalfields Market, Crispin Place, Brushfield Street, E1 6AA TEL 020 7375 0441 Liverpool Street

Cycle style

Converse backpack Stash away your work stuff in this comfy and stylish backpack.

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Endurance gloves Keep hands comfy with these light lycra gloves with palm-protecting gel pads.

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London 2012 cycle bottle Stay hydrated with this lightweight bottle. shop.london2012.com

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£85 Cycling bumper liner Washable unisex padded liner that turns underwear into bike shorts, so you can Aqua box ride in your work clothes.

Invest in this practical bag for rohan.co.uk your handlebars with a map compartment and removable shoulder strap.

Yakkay Yakkay helmet For those who don’t always protect their heads, this one looks just like a hat. play.com

vaude.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

ONLINE BOOT CAMP Impatient and busy? Fit For A Princess’ 28-day body blitz bootcamp might just be the answer.

The programme is like a personal trainer for techies – you’ll have a coach breathing down your neck with two weekly bootcamp webinar calls a week (that you can listen to on the go, whenever you want), daily video motivation messages, more than 200 minutes of fitness videos, and access to live Q&As and online training support forums.

On top of this, you’ll get a healthy eating plan that still lets you have a few treats.

Designed to make you lose weight fast, the boot camp definitely isn’t easy – you’ll be working out five days a week for four weeks, with cardio and conditioning session tailored to your needs, but you can incorporate some days’ exercise into your life, such as power walking to work.

After the course us up, you can still access the fitness video library online, so you’ll be able to keep to good habits.

The bootcamp costs £99 for the month and kicks off on May 7, June 4, July 2 and August 6, which means there’s still time to get fit before the beach!

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Burning rubber Drifting, donuts and handbrake turns – we try the new Ridge Rider game in real time WORDS CAROL DRIVER In principle, it sounds easy: to execute a perfect handbrake turn, simply drive at speed, then pull up the handbrake, twist the steering-wheel to the right, and put your foot on the clutch. Simple, right?

It is if you’re stunt driver extraordinaire Terry Grant, who’s sitting next to me in the passenger seat of a Peugeot 206 GTI. We’re at Santa Pod Raceway, in Northamptonshire, 50 minutes by train from King’s Cross St Pancras, to celebrate the launch of driving game Ridge Racer Unbounded by attempting some of the stunts in the game.

I nod confidently at Terry – who’s earned himself a world record with his driving stunts. How hard can it be?

He tells me to put my foot down, which I do, not getting out of first gear, then he gives me the signal.

And... I manage to forget everything he’s told me. My right foot goes for the clutch, I don’t turn the wheel enough or pull the handbrake with enough rigour. We come to an embarrassingly bumpy halt.

Terry simply laughs and tells me to do it again, which I do. And, to use a Simon Cowell phrase, I nail it.

The car halts abruptly, and I’ve managed

to swing it 170 degrees. Happy days. Next, it’s on to donuts. My instructor, John Moore, tells me these are easy, which I don’t believe, but it turns out he’s right.

Driving a BMW M3 in a circle, with the steering-wheel just off full-lock, I slam my foot on the throttle, getting the engine to about 5000 revs.

So far so good: the back end starts spinning around while the tyres screech

across the tarmac. I’m beginning to feel quite smug. I’m a little more nervous about my third challenge, though – driving a car on two wheels. OK, so there’s a stabiliser attached to one side of the car, but it doesn’t seem to make it any easier.

The three confident guys who go before me all end up bouncing the Peugeot to the

fitforaprincess.co.uk

The chase: the two BMWs drifting 36

Stunt master: Terry Grant

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WHAT’S NEW

Lynx sport blast deoderant Re-energise after exercise £2.54 lynxeffect.com

Nailing it: driving on two wheels. Left: donuts ground as soon as the left-hand wheels are off the ramp, which you have to drive up to push the car on to its right-hand side. As I sit in the driver’s seat, John sits in the back behind me to make sure the weight’s on the right side of the car. He tells me I’ll get it first go. No pressure then.

I follow his instructions and drive at about 10mph towards the ramp – the left side of the car goes up nicely, and we drive off the end ... and we’re on two wheels.

I keep the vehicle balanced – there’s no safety helmet and my window is open, so I’m just inches away from the ground – and carry on driving until John tells me to stop.

Pleased with myself, I return to the others, who congratulate me by saying they only got it wrong so I’d look good.

Then it’s the instructors’ turn to take over.

I sit by John in the BMW as he slams the car around the customised racetrack which is littered with obstacles, which we drift around, smoke pouring from the vehicle.

Terry ‘chases’ us with another passenger

in a second BMW, getting within inches of our car. It’s a few minutes of high-adrenaline, rubber-burning fun. There’s only one more stunt left to do at the end of our Ridge Racer Unbounded crash course – and it’s taken from the game.

When playing, gamers are able to drive through objects that get in their way – so Terry does the same, smashing through a small caravan.

Bits of wood fly through the air as he ploughs through it, rolling the car, which crashes to the ground as it spins.

Terry opens the door, gets out and walks away as though he’s just parked at Sainsbury’s on a quiet Sunday.

He makes it look simple – as he does with every stunt I’ve seen today. But there’s no need to show off now, is there? » Ridge Racer Unbounded out now on Xbox, PS3 & PC ridgeracer.com Book the Santa Pod Raceway Stunt Academy santapod.co.uk

NEXT WEEK

Bluebeards Revenge Scimitar Double-edged old-style razor £34.99 bentalls.co.uk

S-buffer file by Tom Pellereau Y’know, off The Apprentice £4.99 stylfile.com

TNT’s festival survival guide

Photos: Tim Anderson

TOP TREATMENT: 3000 FREE MANICURES Fancy being part of a world record and getting your nails done for free? Head down to the London College of Beauty Therapy between 11am-7pm on May 10, where students will be attempting to file and varnish 3000 volunteers’ nails in only eight hours. Register to take part now on the website below.

There’ll be goody bags and a charity raffle there, too, with big prizes from brands like Lipsy and Benefit, plus signed JLS merch, if that’s your thing.

Hands-on

47 Great Marlborough St, W1F 7JP

uk.amiando.com

Oxford Circus

Nicky Clarke tease me Instant volume for your locks £14.99 nickyclarke.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Festival time: serve beer at summer events

Summer money The weather’s getting warmer. Get out and about and grab your slice of the pie with these top seasonal jobs WORDS REBECCA KENT Calling all jobhunters. Summer brings with it more than just sunshine.

Between entertaining children on holiday, feeding tourists’ thirsts for sightseeing, and running events – not to mention the Olympics – employment abounds. TNT examines the options.

Tour guiding If you’ve come to London to learn about the place, as a tour guide, you can do just that – and walk home with money for a few pints at the end.

Insider London needs people to run its alternative walking tours, themed ‘quirky London’, ‘sustainable architecture’ and ‘street art and graffiti’ to name just a few.

The company trains you, but you can make the job your own, especially if 38

you’re plugged into a London scene.

“The stuff you’ll learn is what you want to tell your mates in the pub anyway, plus we get really nice customers, so it’s always great to walk around town with people who are interested in what you have to say,” company founder Cate Trotter says.

Through summer, you will work from six to eight hours a week, mostly evenings and weekends, and ideally, you will commit beyond the season.

Average pay: £11-16 p/h insider-london.co.uk

Events hospitality There are worse ways to spend summer than on the grounds of Wembley stadium during a Premier League match, or waiting on Her Maj and

friends at Royal Ascot. These are some of the places you could find yourself while working in hospitality.

Natalie Cherrington, 30, from east London, does this to supplement her income running a travel business.

“It is a really handy way for me to earn extra money consistently. And when you’re working at the Hilton, you often see some famous faces,” she says.

Michael Wisher and Associates needs between 500-900 hospitality staff to work at London Olympics events this year, plus a number of exhibitions.

“Applicants should have hospitality experience, and be outgoing, personable and confident,”operations manager Charlene Beale says.

Pay: from £4.98 p/h michaelwisher.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB GABRIELA HERSHAM CAREER Actress AGE 25 LIVES Kensington and New York FROM Central London How did you get into your line of work?

I started at acting school in NY and was only supposed to be doing a three-month course before starting real life, but fell in love with it and couldn’t give up.

Adventurous: keep kids happy

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

London attractions

Scary: London Dungeon

MORE SUMMER JOBS be exhausting, but it’s handy money to put Some 5.3m extra TEFL teacher: Teach English at towards my travels.” foreign tourists are residential summer schools. TEFL Super Camps caters expected in the UK this qualifications required. for for anything from summer, and it’s a safe tntmagazine.com/tefl 10-100 children each day. bet many of them will discoverysummer.co.uk Pay: from £251 p/w. be making a beeline for Charity fundraising: Sell popular attractions. keyrings door to door, with friends, supercamps.co.uk Merlin Entertainment or on your own, in your own time.

Olympics security owns London Eye, gbfundraising.co.uk Madame Tussauds and Festivals: Work as a steward, Be a part of the team The Dungeons, and or pull pints, and see top bands. making the London will be beefing up its Olympics safe as part of festaff.co.uk numbers. It needs an G4S, the Games’ main Life guard: The Hurlingham Club array of staff who are security contractor. is looking for qualified staff. confident and show You’ll be working hurlinghamclub.org.uk a certain resilience. as part of a 10,000Bar staff: Pour beers at various “Your smile needs to strong contingent summer events. creativebars. be as welcoming at the doing anything end of the day as the from guarding to beginning,” a spokeswoman says. stewarding or performing searches Pay: varies at various venues.

“It’s amazing the variety of people merlincareers.com we’re getting, including those just Summer camp taking two weeks off work to enjoy the Olympic experience,” a spokesman says.

Teachers, or those with the patience Everyone will be trained and certified to keep a room full of energetic tykes on the job, so you just need entertained, are needed to run holiday eyes like a hawk and activity programmes at various London the ability to schools with Super Camps. remain calm Kyle Smith, a supply PE teacher, NEXT WEEK at all times. from Raynes Park, has found the job Pay: from of camp manager a tidy way to bridge Work behind the scenes in sport £8.50 p/h the holiday pay deficit. “I’m definitely glad I’ve had a go,” he says. “It can g4s.com

What do you do day-to-day?

Rehearse and audition for films or theatre, and get bits together for shows I’m producing. There’s also meetings with directors and casting directors, plus attending acting classes. I also make regular food deliveries to the homeless; I cook batches of food, then take it around the streets.

What’s the best part of your job?

That sometimes I get to film in manageable conditions. Plus, delivering food to the homeless is a really rewarding experience.

What’s the most challenging?

Filming in rain/snow/sleet/hail/all of the above – in a T-shirt.

HOW TO... LEVERAGE

SOCIAL MEDIA • Brand yourself like you would

a product and set up an email address that says something about you and your job.

•

Choose a Twitter handle that is similar to, or the same as, your blog and email address.

Also, companies tweet helpful career tips, so make sure you follow them.

• ‘Like’ companies on Facebook that you are interested in applying for a job with. They may recognise you when you go in for an interview.

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tntjobs.co.uk PINNACLE CREW T: 0870 609 1993 www.pinnaclecrew.co.uk Pinnacle Crew is a leading provider of Event Crew. We are recruiting crew for the Olympics NOW!! We assist Production Teams and Event Companies with all aspects of Event Production.

SHERPA EVENTS www.eventsherpa.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Olympic Events Crew Location: London Salary: On Application Role includes loading/unloading equipment, rigging/de-rigging equipment, AV, sound/ lighting. Building/dismantling stages, set and marquees. Candidates must be over 25, have Steel Toe Cap safety Boots, CSCS Card or SPA Card and able to work in UK (Work Permit, Visa) with NI Number and able to work flexible hours, including evenings/weekends.

0870 609 1993 | info@pinnaclecrew.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Event Porters/Drivers/Crew Location: London Salary: Up to £10ph depending on roles

SHERPA is a leading supplier of intelligent, articulate and professional porters, drivers and crew to the UK event industry. We work at the UK’s best-known events and venues, from high-profile sporting festivals and new product launches, to big-budget private and corporate events.

SHERPA are looking for reliable, hard-working and presentable team players with excellent spoken English to join us this year. Experience in either catering or production work is preferred but not necessary. However, applicants to our driver roles must have relevant experience.

GEOFF CABLE

JOB OF THE WEEK: International Sales Executive (junior) Location: Bratislava, Slovak Republic Salary: Basic + commission (€2000-2500+ monthly).

T: +421-232-662-621 www.nextlevelpharma.com

CV to john@eventsherpa.co.uk

We organise conferences across Europe & The USA, that provide business intelligence and networking opportunities for the global pharmaceutical industry.

Make telephone contact with senior pharmaceutical executives, worldwide and promote/sell attendance to our exciting industry events, to meet other industry peers and learn about the latest developments in a dynamic, knowledge intensive industry.

ANDERS PLUS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Landscapers Location: Central and Greater London Salary: On application

T: 020 7793 7825 www.andersplus.com Andersplus is a specialist recruiter for the landscape industry.

Geoff Cable, CEO | +421-232-662-621 | geoff.cable@nextlevelpharma.com

Seeking energetic, physically fit individuals for London clients as landscape labourers/ gardeners and work towards becoming experienced landscapers. Work is based all over Central and Greater London.

Andrea Lane | 020 7793 7825 | andrea@andersplus.com

T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £10,000 by Summer

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country.

See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night.

IPG

07716 376 408

THE PHEASANT INN T: 017687 76234 www.the-pheasant.co.uk With an abundance of unique period atmosphere and a sense of timelessness, The Pheasant has earned a well deserved national and International reputation.

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Assistant Couple FREE LIVE IN + IMMEDIATE START!!

Location: Lake District Salary: £13K each Couple required to assist in top end 3 star, 15 bedroom hotel in Lake District.

Duties to include front of house, bar and restaurant. Minimum 6 months experience required, references essential. English to be 1st language, must enjoy rural location.

Applications to: wylie@the-pheasant.co.uk | 017687 76234

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

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JOBS JOBS 13/4/12 17:11:35

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CASH-SAVING TIPS FREE CONTACT LENSES Xxxxxxxxx For the long- and shortsighted, contacts are XXXXXXXXX life savers. But they’re Xxxxxxxxxxx expensive. Acuvue are offering one free month’s XXXXXXXXX supply of lenses, so if you Xxxxxxxxxxx fancy giving them a go, you won’t pay for vision XXXXXXXXX for a whole 30 days. Visit Xxxxxxxxxxx acuvue.co.uk before April 22 to get yours.

XXXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

LAST-MINUTE GIG TICKETS Don’t pay through the nose with a tout when shows are sold out – hit Seatwave’s new North Greenwich store at the O2 Arena. Punters can save an average of £18.35 of a ticket’s face value for greats such as Noel Gallagher, Olly Murs and Snow Patrol. Open daily from 9am-9pm, or 5pm if there’s no gig on. seatwave.com

HOW YOU SPEND IT! with the butcher (hi Brian), don’t succumb to the taxi home at the end of a night out, make your coffee at work and stop going to Pret!

JOB Booker at First Models FROM Reading LIVES Bethnal Green

way too much on socialising, but if you can’t do it when you’re young(ish) and in London, then when can you?

How do you budget?

Wage minus rent = disco allowance. I probably spend

Any money-saving tips?

Learn how to cook, get a clubcard, make friends

CARLO RICCIARDI, 24

Last big blow-out?

Does £70 on fashion magazines in one month count as a blow-out? I also spent £13.50 on a G&T last night, which at the time felt like the most expensive thing I have ever bought.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Fashion magazines, fabric softener, cigarettes, gin, gig tickets, diamonds.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! They get around...

Rihanna loves the Underground, travelling by Tube twice in the past month to get around faster. But she still hasn’t got herself an Oyster, choosing pricey paper tickets. Tsk tsk ...

❚ Paris Hilton’s wheels made a rather large dent in her pink purse. The white, sporty Lexus LFA cost her an eye-watering £235,500. You could buy an entire house for that, love.

CHEAP HEALTH AND BEAUTY PRODUCTS For big brand beauty loot and all your health essentials, One Click Pharmacy is where it’s at.

It works like Amazon, to bring you items that cost up to 90 per cent less than on the high street. oneclickpharmacy.co.uk CAIRO /74 PAMPLONA /76

LIFESTYLEMONEY

Keepin’ it underground

❚ Jake Gyllenhaal (left) has been spotted riding the New York Subway, proving he’s not afraid to take public transport. That would’ve set him back just £1.40 – save!

❚ Vincent Kartheiser, aka Mad Men’s Pete Campbell, doesn’t own a car. Even in LA, where public transport is notoriously dire. He takes two buses to the Mad Men set every day, costing a mere 79p each. ❚ Bill Gates, the world’s second-richest man, has a luxury private jet worth £25m. Somehow we didn’t think he’d fly economy …

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE 95

£4.

Service Bell Wind your housemates up a treat

In the northwest

dotcomgiftshop.com

Kilburn, NW2/NW6/NW8

99

£1.

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Sitting on the north-west London map between Hampstead, Maida Vale and Kensal Rise, Kilburn has the right mix of upmarket and cool. And it’s easy to get to.

Spoof ASBO For someone who always avoids buying a round naffgiftshop.co.uk

.00

£15

Falling bookend A very wonky bookshelf accessory bouf.com

99

Why Kilburn?

First and foremost, peopel are attracted the transport. With two Tube stations, the Overground and a ton of buses, it’s easy to get where you need to go.

Natasha Carayol, from Bairstow Eves estate agents in nearby Willesden Green, looks after properties in Kilburn. “It’s considered pretty trendy, with plenty of bars and restaurants close by, and excellent transport links, 24 hours a day,” she says.

“The busy High Road is lined with a vast selection of high street and independent shops, which are away from central London.”

– Lily Allen, Annie Mac and David Mitchell call Kilburn home.

Where to hang out Kilburn has great restaurants, which spill out on to the pavements in summer. Afghan restaurant, Ariana, has gone down very well (ariana2restaurant.co.uk), and Little Bay is a cheap place to get a tasty meal, with hearty mains from £5.45 (littlebay.co.uk).

As far as bars go, there’s the trendy Brondes Age (brondesage.com) and The North London Tavern is a spruced-up gastropub (northlondontavern.co.uk).

Head to the Tricycle Theatre for art exhibitions, plays and films (tricycle.co.uk) or for clubbing, The Westbury has plenty of

Don’t move here if...

You want to be in the thick of it – although Kilburn’s main streets are kicking on weekends, it’s mainly residential.

The people

£2.

Darth Vader confectionary tin May the sweets be with you play.com

42

Kilburn is pretty mixed, says Hafeez Hassam from Ludlow Thompson on Kilburn High Road. “It’s a youngish area, between the ages of 20 to late 30s,” he adds. “It’s also very multicultural – a lot of people come from abroad and want to settle in the area, especially Italians.”

Then there’s the arty crowd, thanks to Kilburn’s performing arts scene. And it’s also a popular spot for celebs to put down roots

themed nights playing anything from jazz to hip hop (westburybar.com).

Not too far away are the sprawling

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MY AREA IREM

ATALAY Artist, 26

“It’s a colourful area both literally and symbolically – there’s always a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables on the street and there’s also a real diversity in the people.”

MAX

PAHLSSON Songwriter,

23

Relax in nearby Hampstead Heath and (left) the North London tavern Hampstead Heath and Queen’s Park to hang out in when things warm up.

The connections There are two Tubes: Kilburn is on the Jubilee line and Kilburn Park is on the Bakerloo. Kilburn High Road is on the Overground and takes you to Euston in 10-15 minutes. Buses take you into Marylebone in 15 minutes, into central London and all over the city’s north.

What can you rent?

Properties around here are in good nick.

“You’ve got Victorian conversions, and new blocks like Jubilee Heights about 30seconds walk from Kilburn station,” Hassam says. “It’s a good complex with a gym and a pool. Roads like Exeter Road, near the station, are desirable, or closer to central London and Maida Vale.”

Houses in the quiet treelined roads off the High Road are also NEXT WEEK popular, but for value, Cavendish Growing up: urban gardens Road is a good place to look.

“There’s a very vibrant music scene – most people my age come here for that reason. It’s got a smalltown feeling – it’s not as hectic as central London.”

JENIA

COHEN Writer, 26

“It’s pretty central so you can get to town easily. The people are fairly nice, there’s cheap food and there are a lot of good bands that play in the area.”

NW2/6/8 INFO BOROUGH

Brent/Camden AVERAGE COUNCIL TAX

£1252/£1331 per year TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: McKay Savage; Ewan Munro; Getty

30 mins FLATSHARE £758pcm

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1343pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £2015pcm

A room in a recently refurbished three-bedroom flat, with communal gardens, two bathrooms (one ensuite), plus a light and spacious reception room and kitchen.

A tidy first-floor flat in a period conversion with big rooms and a bay-fronted living room. Naturally bright bedroom, modern bathroom and open-plan kitchen.

Two bathrooms, both bedrooms double and with fitted wardrobes, fully fitted kitchen and big living area. Access to building’s gym, swimming pool and sauna.

foxtons.co.uk

foxtons.co.uk

ludlowthompson.com

TUBE

Bakerloo line, Jubilee Line, Overground; Zone 2 AVERAGE ROOM SHARE ONE-BED

£630pcm AVERAGE RENTAL ONE-BED

£1100pcm AVERAGE FLAT ONE-BED

£300,000

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WORLDVIEW WORLDVIEW

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Sloppy: it’s jail time for a bum crime

LOW RIDER LOCKED UP FOR JEANS CRIME UNITED STATES A man was sent to jail for turning up to court in jeans slung below his bum.

LaMarcus D Ramsey, 20, had not only committed a fashion crime, but Alabama Judge John Bush decided he was in contempt of court when he turned up to the dock, sloppily-dressed, to make a plea on receiving stolen goods.

He was jailed for three days.

The unimpressed judge told Ramsey: “When you get out you can buy pants that fit, or at least get a belt to hold up your pants so your underwear doesn’t show.”

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @UsherRaymondIV I must’ve died and went to heaven...Alive and cold kickin ass!! URIV @SteveMartinToGo I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is. @ComicBookGuy finally went to see Meryl Streep in “The Iron Lady.”

Worst. Marvel Sequel. Ever!

HUE WANTS SOME VAGINA WHITENING? INDIA A feminine bodywash claims to brighten the skin around a woman’s genitalia, giving new meaning to ‘fairer sex’.

India’s booming skin-whitening industry has led to the creation of Clean & Dry Intimate Wash, designed for women who fret over the hue of their meat curtains.

A TV ad for the product shows a wistful Indian woman gain a new lease on life after using the product, and an animated shower scene shows an unsightly brown colour on a crotch eradicated to reveal 44

Men, your dreams have been answered: Adrian Purnell of Tampa Breeze and Chloe Butler of LA Temptation, teams in the US Lingerie Football League, provide a taste of what’s to come when the Australian 2012 LFL All-Fantasy Game tour arrives Down Under. The women will play two games – in Brisbane and in Sydney – in June.

whiter, cleaner skin. The product was a hot topic on Twitter, where it was branded the ‘ultimate insult’.

‘DOLLED-UP’ REACHES A WHOLE NEW LEVEL UNITED KINGDOM

A 15-year-old Brixton girl who has transformed herself to look like a doll has become an internet hit.

Home-schooled Venus Palermo (right) applies white powder to achieve porcelainlike skin, wears speckled-brown contact lenses and fake eyelashes to achieve doll-like eyes, and toddler-style dresses complete her look.

Venus has achieved fame though a series of tutorials posted on her YouTube channel, VenusAngelic, watched by 10m people.

Her mum Margaret Palermo, who has been putting make-up on her daughter since she was six, is chuffed with her new-found fame. “I am not concerned about her. I would be more worried if she came home pregnant or drunk. She is just a pretty girl who likes to look cute,” Margaret said.

Venus said her obsession with frills and ribbons started at kindergarten, and she regularly makes heart shapes out of her food because it looks “cute”.

She added: “It’s important to find your own style. Some people are retro, some pin-up girls and some goths. I am a living doll.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 65K Light Miracles’ parents get down to making another one

ICE, ICE BABY: BUB ALIVE IN MORGUE ARGENTINA A mother fell to her knees after finding her ’stillborn’ daughter alive in the drawer of a hospital morgue.

The baby, born prematurely, had been declared dead 12 hours earlier, when her parents, Analia Bouter and Fabian Veron, were sent home from hospital in Resistencia, with a death certificate.

But they received a surprise when they went to visit her in the morgue.

Bouter, who was 26 weeks pregnant when she gave birth said: “When a worker opened the drawer, we heard a cry and she was alive.

“My baby was born at 10.24am and at 11.05am was in the drawer. She spent 12 hours in the freezing cold of that morgue.

I saw for myself the ice on her body.”

Hospital director director Jose Luis Meirino suggested the baby, named Luz Milagros, which means Light Miracles, was born with hypothermia, causing her vital signs to vanish completely.

WHERE THERE’S A WOOL, THERE’S A WAY

Photos: Getty; YouTube

AUSTRALIA A man is fighting an expensive court battle to keep his pet sheep, Baa. Victorian electrician Vu Ho, has spent £84,000 in court fees to keep his pet of 11 years in his suburban home, as Greater Dandenong City Council claims it’s illegal to keep livestock on land under half a hectare.

A distressed Ho said: “That’s a big problem, it’s [like] a member of your family – you will not accept it. I will do whatever I can to protect her.

“My sheep has nowhere to go, because

FINAL 1494 News.indd 45

Age of a boy from NZ who was punctured in the chest with the 7cm spike of an “unusually large” elephant fish.

4 Baa-rred: a fight for a woolly friend I’m poor. I’ve got no farm or whatever, just a house and my workshop.”

Ho’s solicitor Don Gibson argued at the Victorian Supreme Court that under planning laws, Baa could be classed as a pet.

The case continues.

SPIRITS GET BAD RAP FOR WILD NIGHTS UNITED KINGDOM A Yorkshire party girl’s strange claim a poltergeist was responsible for loud music and drink cans in her garden didn’t wash with Hull City Council.

The council evicted Leanne Fennell, 20, after numerous complaints about wild nights right into the wee hours.

One neighbour, who did not want to be named, said: “She told us a poltergeist would keep switching the music on really loud when she was in bed. There were always bottles and bottles of wine and cider just chucked in the garden.”

Fennell gave the game away on her Facebook page, where she wrote of herself: “I sin but I’m not the devil, so with me what you see is what you get. I love to party with my mates, well, the ones who can keep up with me that is.”

Pounds bid on eBay for a bit of toast chewed by Niall Horan from One Direction.

10

Number of Australian dingoes delivered to New York’s Prospect Park Zoo – the first there for 40 years.

Age of Claire Holle, who crashed her boyfriend’s car into a bowling alley in Bolton when when he went ‘single’ on Facebook

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK The banter was real and it was like hungry people fighting over a steak. The fangs were drawn Black Eyed Peas rapper Will.I.am on clashing with Jessie J on BBC talent show The Voice

13/4/12 17:51:53

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Save yourselves: new technology giants such as Apple do nothing to improve our lives (or self respect, in this case)

Rotten to the core: poison Apple shows true colours

Photos: Getty

Why it’s better to be a tech dinosaur in wake of ebook scandal

So Apple has been busted for price-fixing ebooks in collusion with the world’s top publishers – er, allegedly. Considering that Apple has declined to comment – oh, and the small fact that the case was brought by the US government – there’s probably some truth to it. This should also serve to remind us of an inescapable, but perilously ignored, fact – new technology is EVIL. Forget for a moment the privacy violations perpetrated on a by-the-second basis care of the true Axis of Evil (Apple, Google, Facebook). What about the simple truth that none of this new technology does an iota of anything to improve our lives?

Let’s start with ebooks. Sure, there’s the ‘lightweight’ argument. But there’s also the ‘my actual book doesn’t run out of batteries and I don’t lose an entire library if I drop it’ argument. iPhones and iPads are also bullshit. They are elaborate time-wasting devices that (a) coax us into relentless and futile consumerism (did you really need an app that rates farts?), and (b) reduce users to frighteningly dependent automatons who would rather wander around in circles waiting for the GPS on their iPhone to catch up than break out the A-Z and figure it out for themselves, faster.

Get me going on Facebook and Twitter and there’s a danger I won’t stop. Social media has ’achieved’ precisely two things: that the vast majority of online content is a master class in vacuous uselessness, and a culture in which PR and advertising knows no bounds.

The privacy policies of Google and Facebook (i.e, all details of your online activity are collected in one place to maximise targeted advertising), and the fact that every purchase you make online with Apple links back to its HQ, proves there is only one purpose to new technology: to make money from you.

And fine, they are businesses, why shouldn’t they make money? But a business that aims to infiltrate every facet of your life to make that money has got to be evil. » Agree or disagree? Do you want to defend new technology? letters@tntmagazine.com

WHY DO COUGARS LOVE HARRY STYLES? Harry Styles has apparently bagged himself another older woman. This time the lady in question is a mere six years his senior at 24.

This ‘relationship’ follows the One Direction pin-up’s high-profile shenanigans with 32-year-old TV presenter Caroline Flack, with whom there was a 15-year age gap.

Now, I’ve got nothing against a love affair with an age difference (within the law, obviously). Love has a habit of sneaking up and surprising you in the strangest of ways – I always planned on marrying a millionaire, but today have ended up with a penniless slob.

“

As well as being a child, he looks like one

”

What I don’t understand is these older women’s attraction to an individual who, together with being a child, looks like one.

This kid looks five at best – he’s one haircut from getting his new girlfriend arrested should they be spotted holding hands in the street. Ah well, maybe hooking up with these chicks will put some hair on his chest.

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Faceblunder?

Is Facebook’s billion dollar purchase of Instagram set to be another web merger mistake? WORDS OLI JONES

The news that Facebook had acquired retro picture-sharing app Instagram last week, for US$1bn, was greeted with incredulity in most corners of the tech world. What did Facebook get for their £628m layout? Well, they got a company that doesn’t generate a penny of revenue, 13 staff, and a mobile phone app with about 30 million users.

Tech journalist Om Malik suggested Facebook bought Instagram because the app had managed to make photo sharing an emotional experience, something he suggested Facebook had failed to do.

“Or maybe Zuckerberg just wanted to be the guy who was offering the cool $1 billion,” The Verge editor Josh Topolsky wrote in his Washington Post column.

And while it’ll be some time yet before we find out whether Facebook’s splurge on Instagram was a shrewd move or not, it didn’t take long for many to evoke the spectres of misguided web mergers past.

But Facebook will have some way to go to beat some of the catastrophic web acquisitions of the past 20 years. If you think US$1bn dollars seems a lot to spend on a picturesharing website, we’ve got some surprises in store

Excite buys BlueMountain.com US$780m Ever heard of BlueMountain.com? No, us neither. It’s an e-card website, bought in 1999 by Excite for $780m – that’s about $1bn in today’s money.

In the late Nineties, as the dot-com bubble was nearing its height, Blue Mountain was the world’s 14th most popular website, and only Amazon and eBay made more money online in 1999.

Sadly for Excite, the e-card market collapsed faster than a lazily whisked souffle, and the site was sold again in 2001 to American Greetings for just US$35m.

Blue Mountain is still going, so if you want someone to know you care enough about them to send them a novelty 48

email, but not quite enough to shell out £1.20 on a piece of shiny card, then you know where to go.

News Corp buys Myspace US$580m When Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp bought Myspace for $580m in 2005, many commentators thought it was a shrewd move by the Aussie media mogul. Few in the tech world, however, predicted the way in which Facebook would go on to level all-comers in the social network arena.

Founded in 2003, Myspace was the web’s most popular social network. In 2006, it even had more US web traffic than Google.

However, a string of redesigns, a lack of innovation and the rise of Facebook saw its user base crumble from 95m to less than 30m by January 2011.

The site was bought in June 2011 by Specific Media and Justin Timberlake for about $35m, while Facebook, originally a pesky Myspace competitor, is now valued at $65bn.

AOL buys Bebo US$850m AOL was a company famed for its misjudged acquisitions – $4.2bn for Netscape in 1998 really set the bar – and when it spent $850m buying British-designed social network Bebo, many in the web industry were flabbergasted.

The site was already haemorrhaging users to Facebook in 2007, when it first entered talks with the dial-up era web giant.

In 2008, Bebo had more than 34m users, but the acquisition came a good four years after the advent of the social networking phenomenon.

AOL paid for a site in decline, and that’s what it’s got.

Terra buys Lycos US$12.6bn Remember Lycos.com? It had adverts with a black labrador and you could send free SMS messages from the website?

Amazingly, the ability to send free texts was deemed such

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Justin Timberlake swooped on Myspace; Excite gambled onBlue Mountain.com (top right) and lost; and AOL was a bad deal for Ted Turner (bottom right)

“

By 2000, the dot-com bubble was a wet stain

”

a genius idea that, in 2000m Terra Networks, a Spanish web company, bought the site for, wait for it … $12.6bn.

By the time the deal had concluded, however, the dot-com bubble was a wet stain on the carpet, and the value of both companies had crumpled to US$4.6bn.

The site was sold in 2006 for $95.5m, less than 2 per cent of Terra’s original outlay and has since been sold on a couple of times. It was last bought by Ybrant Digital, an Indian internet marketing company, for $35m.

Photos: Ian David

AOL buys Time Warner US$164bn At the time of AOL and Time Warner’s 2000 merger, the former was valued at twice the latter, despite having only half the cash flow.

Time Warner CEO Gerald M. Levin described the $350bn deal as unleashing “immense possibilities for economic growth, human understanding and creative expression”, but it is now considered the single worst merger in the history of business.

Technically, AOL bought Time Warner for $164bn, with its shareholders owning 55 per cent of the new company, and Time Warner shareholders picking up the other 45 per cent. The idea was Time Warner would be able to use AOL’s subscriber base to funnel its publishing output directly into people’s homes. Some still argue it was a pretty good idea.

But the dot-com crash and infrastructure problems saw the new company come back to Earth with a thud. In 2001, AOL Time Warner posted a loss of $99bn, one of the largest losses in business history.

551 DAYS OF INSTAGRAM A BRIEF HISTORY Instagram was launched in October 2010 by cofounders Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger and had more than 25,000 subscribers join on its first day.

Initially, the pair struggled to scale the service in line with demand, Krieger describing the process as “replacing all the components of a car whilst travelling 100 mph”.

The app was consistently developed, adding hashtags to allow its thriving community to find and share pictures more easily. By December 2012, it had already hit 1m users, and had moved into Twitter’s old offices in San Francisco.

By August 2011, more than 150m Instagram photos had been uploaded, and the following month the app had 10m users.

This month, Instagram launched its Android edition, and was bought by Facebook – not bad for 551 days’ work.

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SPORTNEWS

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KIWIS PLAY THE MAN, NOT THE BALL RUGBY/ LEAGUE

Racism has reared its ugly head in New Zealand’s top two football codes.

Warriors halfback Shaun Johnson, 21, revealed he was confronted with racist comments last weekend. “I’m not going to give anyone my time who’s throwing around racial comments but I see it, it’s always there,” Johnson, whose mother is Laotian and father Pakeha, said.

Blues coach Pat Lam broke down on national TV after critics concentrated on his Samoan background when attacking the team over their poor start to the season.

ISRAEL FOLAU EXPECTED TO STAY AFL West Coast Eagles star Nic Naitanui expects his good friend Israel Folau of GWS to extend his contract, which ends in 2014, ‘’pretty soon’’.

“I don’t know why he hasn’t signed.

I don’t know if he’s waiting for more money,’’ Naitanui joked.

Folau and fellow league convert Karmichael Hunt have attracted criticism for their lack of understanding of the game but Folau said he was enjoying his new challenge. “All I worry about is the things I need to do at training and how I can progress,” he said.

Folau did admit coping with huge losses, such as the recent 129-point defeat inflicted on the Giants by North Melbourne, has been tougher than he expected.

BOOZY END FOR KEEPER REDDY FOOTBALL Sydney FC has sacked keeper Liam Reddy for his drunken behaviour.

Reddy, who had been demoted to backup goalkeeper, admitted to drinking on a team flight to New Zealand to play the Phoenix. He reportedly threw back alcohol both before and on the aircraft, and vomited on the plane and then on the bus to the hotel in Wellington.

He was immediatley stood down by team officials and sent home. Sydney FC lost the elimination match 3-2.

50

In your face: we’re not sure who came off worse after this collision between Petero Civoniceva of the Broncos or Tom Learoyd-Lahrs of the Raiders during the round seven NRL match, won 25-24 by the Broncos. It was an early birthday present for Civoniceva, who turns 36 this week. How he puts up with so much punishment is beyond us. Legend

BALOTELLI ESQUE Getting ready to pack your bags as well?

www.pssremovals.com

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Bahrain Grand Prix under scrutiny again

You know you’re in trouble when Kelly Slater can stare at you twice while he’s actually in the air.

Mick Fanning talks about taking on 11time world champion Slater in the Rip Curl Pro at Victoria’s Bells Beach.

Fanning’s two high-scoring rides of 9.7 and 9.1 aced Slater’s 10 and 8.07.

PREVIEW Formula One faces a battle in Bahrain FORMULA ONE BAHRAIN

SUN, 1PM/BBC ONE 10PM The Bahrain Grand Prix marks a tough decision for Bernie Ecclestone and co, with civil unrest in the country throwing another dark cloud over safety at the new addition to the F1 calendar for the second year in a row.

The 2011 Bahrain Grand Prix was cancelled amid protests in the country and continued unrest has yet again threatened to see the F1 event cancelled.

Sebastian Vettel vowed to race but

Australian Marc Webber voiced concerns, although he conceded that it would be down to the authorities to make a call. Last Friday, after an FIA meeting in Shanghai to consider the safety of all involved, it was announced it was all go.

Alonso leads the championship with teammates Hamilton and Button close behind in second and third, and last year’s champ winner Sebastian Vettell in sixth.

The jury remains out, though, on this race’s future role in F1. Despite no one breaking ranks to comment publicly on any worries, there is clearly anxiety behind the scenes.

THE CHAT | The latest Aussie in the EPL

If you are clever enough and you read the game well enough, you can stay a couple of steps ahead of opponents.

Man Utd’s Phil Jones reckons teammate Paul Scholes’s lack of pace shouldn’t stop him going to the European Championships later this year.

I’m doing me, mate!!

Worry bout u, mate.

Slightly overweight Blues halfback Piri Weepu responds to a critic via Twitter

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL Jones made his Premier League debut in Q Brad the Liverpool goal recently. Much chance of seeing more of him?

Pepe Reina and Alexander Doni ruled out through A With suspension, Jones stepped in to the breach last week for the 3-2 win at Blackburn. He has had a rough ride in recent years, missing the 2010 World Cup after his son was diagnosed with leukemia (he eventually passed away in November 2011).

Things are looking up, though. Jones made a cracking save at Blackburn and his partner recently gave birth to another son this month. However, unless Reina decides to bean idiot again, it’s unlikely we’ll see much of Jones. Mark Schwarzer must be due to retire, though – maybe there’ll be a spot at Fulham …

Arsenal v Chelsea London clubs fight for a top four place Sat, 12.45pm. Sky Sports 2

SNOOKER World Championships John Higgins sets out for a fifth title Sat onwards. BBC1 & BBC2

TENNIS ATP Monte Carlo - Mens’ Finals Jones: third in line

Nadal aims for eight in a row here Sun, 12.30pm. Sky Sports 2 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TNT puts the world to rights

SPORTVIEW

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Protesting yourself: The boat race’s hypocritical new member

Alan Davies’ Hillsborough comments are justified

Photos: Getty

Comedian invokes ire of Liverpool FC over podcast ‘rant’

Alan Davies found himself at the centre of a storm last week for comments he made on a The Tuesday Club podcast about Liverpool FC and the Hillsborough disaster. Many Liverpool supporters slammed the Arsenal-supporting comedian, and even sent him death threats. All of which is absolute nonsense, reactionary in the most ill-thought-out way, and completely missing the point.

Rather than mocking the death of 96 Liverpool supporters at Sheffield Wednesday’s Hillsborough ground in 1989, as some seemed to feel he was, Davies was commenting on the club’s continued refusal to play on the anniversary of the incident – its FA Cup tie with local rivals Everton was moved from Sunday to Saturday to avoid April 15. Other clubs play on the anniversaries of tragic days in their history, he rightly observed. Manchester United play on the anniversary of the Munich air disaster – why should Liverpool be the one exception subject to special treatment?

Davies’ point is entirely valid. Liverpool should play on the date of the disaster, and do so with pride. To do so shows no disrespect to those who lost their lives 23 years ago. It can be argued each club has the choice to play on a specific day where memories are at the forefront of people’s minds, but when such a decision affects other teams there should be a common rule to which all adhere, as Chelsea, who played Spurs in Sunday’s FA Cup tie and face Barcelona three days later in the Champions League, might appreciate.

Davies’ show came with plenty of jibes about Liverpool FC and their season, but when speaking of Hillsborough, he said, non-mockingly: “It is the most awful thing that has happened in my life in terms of football. It’s one of the worst tragedies in English peacetime history.” The Hillsborough Justice Campaign’s refusal to accept a £1000 donation from Davies is absurd and to take aim at someone for voicing a totally valid opinion about, ultimately, fairness, even more so. » Is it time Liverpool played on April 15? letters@tntmagazine.com

BOAT RACE GETS INTERESTING The other week a wetsuited young Aussie jumped into the Thames to swim between the Oxford and Cambridge boats in protest at elitism – the posh boys with monied backgrounds (and monied futures, too).

Only this was as far as his argument went – his point had no point.

Cast aside the mental fortitude of anyone willing to expose themselves to the numerous bacteria that festers in the Thames’ fetid water, and instead consider the hypocrisy inherent in a wealthy, well-off, privately educated young man protesting about other people being

“

His point about elitism had no point

”

exposed to the very same privileges as he.

To bemoan society’s class inequalities is more difficult to do when you are one of the elite you are decrying. And to do so by leaping into the Thames is eye-catching, but only in the same way that a six-bellied football fan in a mankini would be – ugly, unneccessary and misguided.

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Final four The Champions League arrives at its pointy end WORDS TOM STURROCK

At this time of the year, Europe’s heavyweight football sides momentarily forget about their struggles in their domestic leagues and turn their attention to an even bigger prize – the European title, the right to be considered champions of an entire continent and not just their own country. The tournament’s semi-finals, the first legs to be played this week, pit Chelsea, the sole surviving English club, against the might of Barcelona, while, in the other tie, Real Madrid take on Germany’s Bayern Munich.

The Spanish clubs may be favourites to go toe-to-toe in the May 16 final, which would be the ultimate grudge between arch-rivals. But as ever in football, there’s room for surprises, for the odd twist in the tale. Here’s all you need to know about the four remaining teams.

Bayern Munich Form: After winning their group, the German powerhouse moved relatively untroubled through the knockout phase of the tournament, recovering from a surprise loss away to Basel to thump them 7-0 in the return leg, before steamrolling Marseille in the quarter-finals. Domestically, Bayern have maintained their awesome consistency and have already secured a spot in next year’s Champions League by finishing in the top three. They are still in the hunt for the German title, but will likely finish second, given they are a couple of games adrift of Borussia Dortmund.

Key player: Dynamic midfielders Franck Ribery and Arjen Robben are slick enough and industrious enough to cause jitters in even the most experienced defences, but Mario Gomez is the man who has been on the end of Bayern’s best moves, the striker scoring 11 times to be the tournament’s second-most prolific forward, behind only Lionel Messi.

Outlook: They’ve every chance of upsetting Real Madrid at 54

home but might get turned over when they go to the Bernabeu. Still, they’re definitely the dark horse.

Real Madrid Form: Their performances in the Champions League have been as impressive as any side’s – they were unstoppable in the group stage and haven’t looked like losing a game at any point in the tournament, a draw against CSKA Moscow the only blemish. Domestically, they’re on track to break Barcelona’s run of three straight La Liga titles, although this weekend’s El Clasico could alter the course of the season.

Should they clinch the Spanish League and a European title, José Mourinho will have yet another feather in his cap.

Key player: Cristiano Ronaldo was remarkable at Man United, but he may have become even better since heading to Real, where he is the top scorer in the current Spanish season. He hasn’t been at his best in the Champions League, though, where the scoring has been spread more evenly.

Outlook: The smart money is on an all-Spanish final and Real would love nothing more than to beat Barcelona on the biggest stage of all. They have the talent to do it.

Chelsea Form: It’s been a rollercoaster season for the lads from Stamford Bridge. They’ve suffered through one of the worst Premier League campaigns since Roman Abramovich turned up 10 years ago, but their progress in the Champions League has delivered an impressive silver lining. Their come-frombehind win over Napoli in the first knockout stage was a stirring rejoinder to critics who, following the sacking of André Villas-Boas, believed Chelsea’s culture, dominated by the old heads, had gone soft. They have improved domestically, still scrapping for a top four finish.

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Mario Gomez; Cristiano Ronaldo; Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard

Key player: There are the usual suspects for Chelsea – the likes of Frank Lampard and John Terry – but if the Blues are to upset Barcelona, other players will need to find an extra gear. Fernando Torres has been a dead weight since arriving from Liverpool but there has been improvement recently.

Outlook: Hard to see them getting past Barcelona, but still need a strong showing, if only to keep morale high for the final stages of their Premier League season.

Barcelona

Photos: Getty

Form: Given the exceptional quality of Barcelona’s football over the past three years, it might seem ridiculous to suggest they have dropped off the pace, but the fact they have been leapfrogged by Real Madrid in La Liga is unlikely to sit well with those in charge at Camp Nou. Still, they have been in dazzling form – they thumped Bayer Leverkusen in the first knockout stage and then surged past AC Milan to book their spot in the last four. Barcelona have won everything under the sun in recent years, so will be expected to turn it on now that the stakes are at their highest.

Key player: Is there any question? It’s got to be Lionel Messi, the Argentinian pinball whose performances this year have led some to talk about him as the greatest player ever. That may be premature, but if the little man leads Barcelona to yet another European title, his claim will be enhanced.

Certainly, he’s one of the most watchable players of all time.

Outlook: Should have too much firepower for Chelsea and then, should they face Real in the final, it will be a toss-up, with some epic mind games the only certainty.

Champions League semi-finals, first leg Bayern Munich v Real Madrid, Tues Apr 17. 7.45pm. Sky Sports 2 Chelsea v Barcelona, Wed Apr 18. 7.45pm. Sky Sports 2

A SPECIAL SERVE JOSÉ STICKS THE BOOT IN José Mourinho (above) remains revered at Chelsea but he didn’t pull any punches when asked about his old side’s chances against Barcelona.

Mourinho described the Catalan side as “super favourites” to go through to face his Real Madrid side in the final.

“Let me be honest, I don’t think the final will be a Real Madrid-Chelsea final,” he said. “It could be Bayern or Barcelona, I just don’t think it will be Real Madrid v Chelsea and we know why.”

Given Chelsea’s managerial merry-go-round, Mourinho’s name is never far from the top of the shortlist of new gaffers, but his dismissal of Chelsea’s chances probably won’t do him any favours.

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Busabout is also throwing in a six-stop Flexipass. The Flexipass covers more than 33 destinations across nine countries to get you to and from Pamplona, allowing you to explore Europe at your own pace.

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

SHAKE YOUR BODY Indian Hindu devotees parade with human remains during the Shiva Gajan Festival in Kurmun, a remote village 102 miles west of Kolkata. Shiva-Gajan is performed on the last day of the Bengali calendar year, when members of the community exhume body parts from graveyards and carry them in a procession to appease Lord Shiva.

Photos: independenthorse.com, zentralfriedhof.info, Getty

INSIDE

BOARD SILLY /60

THE DEAD ZONE /70

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE /76

Bored of bungee jumps and sick of sky dives?

Try some of England’s strangest sports. Who’s up for horse boarding ... ?

Austria’s capital harbours a morbid fascination with the grisly and gruesome. We prove it with a visit to some scary sights.

Every year, tourists are invited to dice with death and take on the bulls of Pamplona.

The result, we find, is pure pandemonium.

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

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The fair is best known for bullfights and cock fights

QUIT BITCHING Travel divides people as much as it brings them together. For every holidaymaker who comes home raving about their time abroad, there’s another without a kind word to say of the city/ country/ people they’ve encountered.

FERIA DE SAN MARCOS Aguascalientes, Mexico Mexico’s largest annual fair – which is said to pull in about seven million visitors every year – is best known for its brutal bullfights and 20 cock fights. But there’s also a packed schedule of impromptu street parties, rodeos, and free concerts to keep you entertained, should you tire of the blood flowing and feathers flying. Until May 13.

APR

WHY: The fair started out in 1828 as an agriculture show and, as Aguascalientes was known for wine production, originally had its roots in grape harvesting. It centres around the Feast Day of San Marcos on April 25, when a colourful parade featuring some furious flamenco hits the streets.

BISKET JATRA Bhaktapur, Nepal

feriadesanmarcos.gob.mx

FLOWER PARADE OF THE BULB REGION Lisse, Holland

Nepali New Year festivities has throngs of villagers haul 18 a decorated chariot through town amid cheering onlookers. At the end of the trail, the eastern and western sides of Bhaktapur compete in a tug-of-war over the chariot, and whoever wins is blessed with good fortune for the coming year.

UNTIL APR

welcomenepal.com/promotional

WORLD COW CHIP THROWING CHAMPIONSHIP Beaver, Oklahoma, US

See how far you can hurl a six-inch cow dung frisbee 21 in a sport that likens itself to the javelin throw.

APR

beaverchamber.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: It’s essentially a month-long party – businesses close and school’s out, too. The fair is even home to the country’s only legal casino (fpr now), ramping up the vice. But if you’re an animal lover, this event is likely to offend.

This huge parade in the Netherlands – known as the 21 ‘face of spring’ – is a floral procession that features 20 floats completely covered with tulips. Indeed, this festival honours a more wholesome brand of Dutch bud.

APR

keukenhof.nl/en

MARSDEN CUCKOO DAY FESTIVAL

Marsden, West Yorkshire, England Clog dancing, a duck race, and the ‘famous’ cuckoo 21 walk celebrate the bird’s return and the beginning of spring.

According to folklore, the locals believe cuckoos bring good weather.

APR

marsdencuckooday.synthasite.com

Photos: Getty

Take some American friends of mine who recently came to stay.

After four days of moaning about London – took them to Camden: hated it; swung by Covent Garden: hated it; visited Buck Palace and the London Eye: HATED IT – they announced, a little unnecessarily, that the city was not their “cup of tea”. Londoners are “crass”, apparently. A few days in Paris produced a rather different reaction – they just looooved it. And, oh my, the people were so friendly.

Funny, seeing as France has just been rated the rudest country on the planet by Brits. A poll courtesy of Skyscanner showed that about a fifth of Britons found their Gallic neighbours severely lacking in manners. A poll of hotel owners by Expedia a couple of years back also fingered the French as “the worst tourists in the world”.

But what gets my goat even more than the ingrates who, incidentally, weren’t polite enough to cease insulting my town while availing themselves of my hospitality (not that I bear them any ill will, ahem) is the ridiculous generalisations that people feel qualified to make after spending a short time in a city/ country – generalisations such polls are designed to proliferate.

Maybe you were unlucky enough to meet a few wankers, or felt frustrated by the public transport/ bureaucracy/ general chaos you experienced, but don’t let that colour a place with one tar-blotched brush. To enjoy travel means to be open-minded – and that doesn’t include coming home and writing a place or people off entirely.

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HANGOVERS CURED Ever found yourself whimpering with the pain of a heavy night before? Have you, in that moment, wished someone was on hand to cure your hangover in an instant? From this month, The Hangover Heaven bus in Las Vegas promises to do just that. Motoring around Sin City, it proclaims to dole out a 45-minute cure that, “no matter what you drank the night before, if you are feeling like you want to curl up and die the next morning”, will get you feeling good as new with a combo of vitamins, medicines and amino acids. But peace comes at a price – the basic ‘Redemption’ package costs about £82. (hangoverheaven.com)

WINTER SPORT WONGA If you’re planning an expensive ski holiday outside of Europe, you can expect a steep insurance bill at the end of it, new figures show.

The average cost of claims by Brits injured in winter sports accidents in the US and Canada in 2010/11 was £2863, according to Sainsbury’s Travel Insurance. In contrast, the average cost of claims in budget ski getaway Bulgaria was just £493. Still, going short-haul doesn’t guarantee a bargain if you bang yourself up – the average claim in Austria was £1393.

CANAL BOAT CRISIS A short break canal-boating around Britain (tntmagazine.com/travel/bargetrips) is a great way to spend a summer. But some of the most scenic waterways will apparently be off-limits this year, thanks to fears over a drought. British Waterways has placed restrictions on almost 250 miles of its national network, including parts of the popular Oxford and Grand Union canals.

A spokesman for British Waterways defended the decision, insisting that the restrictions will “conserve water for peak demands later”.

BRUISING CRUISING Thomson Cruises is sexing up its schedules by adding stops at so-called ‘dangerous destinations’. The company’s 2013 voyages will be mooring in Beirut, Algiers, Belfast and Ukraine, all of which have suffered serious violence in recent decades. We reckon this makes a refreshing change to standard cruise fodder, although in response to the news, a certain tabloid quoted FCO warnings around these countries at length. It’s not as though Thomson is offering package deals to Syria, folks!

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: Horse boarding; snow sphering; land yachting; bungee in the dark; the writer; mountain boarding

Weird extreme sports ENGLAND

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UKTRIP

Board silly Bored of bungee jumps and sick of sky dives? Try some of England’s strangest sports. Who’s up for horse boarding ... ?

WORDS MATT RISLEY

With the Olympics edging ever closer, it’s hard not to feel caught up in the competitive spirit. But what if hurling javelins and leaping into a sandpit just isn’t your thing? Well don’t despair, because there’s a host of weird and wonderful extreme sports available in Britain for eager, enthusiastic, and mildly unhinged sportsmen and women to have a go at.

Here’s our pick of the best.

Photos: Joe Beasant, Jason Lock, Matt Risley, Ride The Hill Mountainboarding

Land Yachting WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Part luge and part sailboat, you control a hollowed-out, brakeless kart by using directional foot pedals and pulling ropes to tilt the direction of the sail.

Get the wind behind you, and you’re capable of reaching speeds of up to 40mph.

THE LOWDOWN In the warm-up alone, one of my group ploughs off the beach and into the sea, while another manages to flip her yacht in a slow-mo vehicular cartwheel.

Yet any fear produced by the whole ‘no brakes’ issue vanish as soon as I get to grips with how to turn and stop (just sail into the wind). With the breeze on my side, the acceleration is heart-racingly immediate, and more than a match for most rollercoasters.

HOW TO DO IT With Kirrawee Land Yachts, Romney Marsh, Kent. From £65 for a three-hour introductory session.

SEE landyachting.co.uk

Snow Sphering WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Zorbing in a fridge.

THE LOWDOWN Just when I thought sphering couldn’t get any sillier, I find myself strapped into another inflatable hamster ball – only this time, I’m about to be rolled down the UK’s longest indoor snow slope. With none of the friction of grassy zorbing, there’s more G-Force, and more rotations (up to 11) than ever before. My newly regurgitated breakfast proves as much.

HOW TO DO IT At Chill Factore, Manchester. Rides from £24.50 per person.

SEE virginexperiencedays.co.uk The Abyss WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The world’s highest indoor bungee jump – oh, and it’s in near pitch-black darkness.

THE LOWDOWN After climbing 150ft to the top of an abandoned steel mill, you’ll find yourself peering out at a haze of dry ice and semi-darkness. Cue a truly unique bungee jump with all the atmosphere and spectacle of the country’s best theme park rides – and with none of the pesky constraints of a conventional ‘locked in’ safety harness.

HOW TO DO IT At Magna Science Adventure Centre, Rotherham/ Sheffield. From £50.

SEE ukbungee.co.uk

Horse Boarding

Mountain Boarding

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The brainchild of a professional stunt horserider, this is a quirky mash-up of mountain boarding and horse racing. It’s an adrenaline-fuelled thrill ride (boarders have been known to reach speeds up to 37mph) that’s garnered such popularity, not only are associations springing up worldwide, but the third annual championships are being held later this year.

THE LOWDOWN Wearing some Batman-esque lightweight body armour for padding, I’m pulled along at a trot through beautiful farmland by my friendly horse/ propellent. On the whole, the experience is pretty horse-some.

HOW TO DO IT With the Extreme Horse Riding Association, in various locations. £15 for a club meet; £150 for a basic course.

SEE britishhorsesurfingassociation.com

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The sexy, limb-obliterating lovechild of a snowboard and a skateboard. A four-wheeled, ultra-versatile board sport that allows for off-road skating and mind-boggling tricks.

THE LOWDOWN When I finally learn how to stop, there’s zippy fun to be had from swooshing down the vertiginous hillside.

HOW TO DO IT With Ride The Hill, Redhill, Surrey.

Lessons from £16 for an Pembrokeshire: hour, including training We have an and equipment hire. eco-adventure SEE ridethehill.com

NEXT WEEK

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Explore Angkor Wat on a 12-day tour of Cambodia for £341pp with Intrepid Travel

DEAL OF THE WEEK SAIL CROATIA

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An eight-day Sail Croatia tour is £59pp (save £400pp) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours. com). Excludes flights, port tax and local payment. Book by April 30; departs May 19.

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JORDAN An eight-day tour is £279pp (save 20 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Petra, Wadi Rum, Dead Sea, and more.

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CAMBODIA A 12-day tour of Cambodia is £341pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com). Starting in Ho Chi Minh City and ending in Bangkok, it visits Phnom Penh, Sihanoukville, Kompong Cham and Siem Reap – the gateway to Angkor Wat. Includes accommodation. Excludes flights.

Departs April 28.

DUBAI Three nights is £499pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes five-star, half-board accommodation and flights from London Heathrow. Book by April 19 for travel between June 1 and 30.

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ORLANDO Fourteen nights in Orlando, Florida is £525pp with lowcostholidays.com (0844 3722399). Includes four-star, roomonly accommodation and flights from London Gatwick. Departs May 5.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

TRANSFER FEES FROM £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.54 New Zealand dollar 1.94 South African rand 12.76 Polish złoty 5.08 Euro 1.21 US dollar 1.58 Canadian dollar 1.59 Hong Kong dollar 12.34 Swedish krona 10.78 Swiss franc 1.45 Singapore dollar 2.00 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

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BERLIN Three nights is £99pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights from Luton. Departs April 30.

EDINBURGH Two nights is £199pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 2196883. Includes threestar, B&B accommodation and flights from London Heathrow. Book by April 30; valid for travel June 1-3.

ANZAC A three-day Western Front tour is £159pp (save 40 per cent) with First Festival Travel (0207 4716417; firstfestivaltravel.com).

Visiting Belgium and France. Includes return transport from London, accommodation, services on ANZAC Day, guides and more. Departs April 23.

MOROCCO Five nights in Marrakech is £195pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, halfboard accommodation and flights from London Luton. Departs May 20.

CORFU Seven nights in Corfu is £246pp with cheapflights.co.uk.

Includes five-star, all-inclusive accommodation and flights from Stansted. Valid for travel May 5-8.

LISBON Two nights is £141pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes B&B accommodation and flights from London Luton. Departs May 28.

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London Legacy Raffle Tickets Prize draw: ‘Turkey Unplugged’ 10 day tour for two

London’s largest ANZAC Ball Celebration at

Australia House Book now to avoid disappointment Pre-book tickets at www.tntmagazine.com/anzacball

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RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

HOLI MOLLY Steve Elliott, Nottingham, England

WHY IT WORKS Smiling and covered in paint, the girl looks straight at the viewer. The burst of reds, pinks and greens lends a new lease of life to the surrounding objects. The warm pigments denote passion and energy, a reflection of the Holi festival spirit. The Hindu religious holiday kicks off spring in a glorious explosion of colour.

RUNNER-UP PEACE CRANES Emelie Helsen, Belgium

WHY IT WORKS This image is a mix of warm and cooler colours. The abstract forms and the interweaving origami creations create a random mass of texture and colour. The hot tones cut through the calm and tranquil hues of the blues and greens. Although peace cranes are a worldwide symbol, they are especially important to Hiroshima, where this image was shot, as a remembrance of the atomic bomb victims.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER HOT TIPS: Mood and colour Colour can be used to create different feelings and emotions. It can either draw the viewer in or turn them off. But remember, hues don’t always have to be from the same family in order to make an appealing image.

One way to create interest is to team cooler tones with warmer ones. Contrasting primary colours are a great idea to convey the vibrancy of life: think of a bright-blue

sky above a pure-yellow sandy beach.

That doesn’t look out of place, does it?

Your aim should be to shoot colours that look good together in a digital image.

However, avoid an abundance of headacheinducing bold colours in one photograph.

The main subject should have the prominent colour, rather than multiple objects in the background stealing the focus.

A THREE DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

WIN

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

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SMELLY DESTINATIONS

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MUMBAI, INDIA

India is an exercise in sensory overload wherever you might wind up on the subcontinent. The mad blur of colours, noises and tastes is dizzying – and, especially in its largest city, the stink is intoxicating, too.

Fittingly for Mumbai, India’s epicentre of jumbled mayhem – where the rich fill swanky bars and the poor pack into slums, where grand colonial buildings are the backdrop to frantic bazaars, and where the multi-coloured mysticism of Hinduism rubs up against the monochrome austerity of Islam – the smells range from the sublime to the sickening.

The air is thick with the scent of India’s spices – cinnamon, cardamom, clove. It’s also clouded by exhaust fumes from the capital’s traffic-jammed roads, the smell of stagnant water rising from the gutters, invigorating salty sea air, piles of rotting vegetables, steaming mounds of cow shit (as the sacred animals can wander wherever they please), and the collective body odour of Mumbai’s 20.5m sweaty citizens dashing about their business in 66 00

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the tropical heat. Sure, Mumbai reeks, but what else would you expect from such an energetically manic metropolis?

The only solution is to dive in.

Get swept away in the city’s labyrinthine bazaars, check out the incongruously litter-free Chowpatty Beach, escape to the serene cave temples of Elephanta Island in the middle of Mumbai harbour, then party among India’s most famous Bollywood stars until dawn.

Still standing? Good, because there’s plenty more to see. Promenade hand-in-hand as the sun sets at Marine Drive, gawp at the private palaces and exclusive apartments of Malabar Hill, and be sure to make time for the best of Mumbai’s exhilarating music, theatre and dance movements.

But whatever you do, it will be accompanied by the smell of the city – an unforgettable perfume mixed from an eclectic bundle of human life, at once thrilling and repellent.

Mumbai couldn’t, and shouldn’t, smell any other way. maharashtratourism.gov.in

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN

2

LAGUNA COLORADA

This deep-red lagoon in the southwest of the altiplano in Bolivia is a stunning sight, backed by dark-brown volcanoes and frequented by flamingos.

But good as it may look, Laguna Colorada’s smell doesn’t quite match up.

The eggy stench of sulphur hangs around the water – a hazard of volcano country – so you might want to photograph it from a distance. Most tours of Bolivia’s salt flats that take off from Tupiza swing by this natural wonder. bolivia.embassyhomepage.com

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

4

IJEN VOLCANO, JAVA

In Indonesia, you can actually see how rancid-smelling this volcano is, as plumes of yellow steam billow from the sulphur mine that operates around the volcano’s acid crater-lake.

Spare a thought for the workers who spend their days hacking chunks of rotten-egg-smelling sulphur from the mine – work so bad for the body that, if exposed for long enough, the fumes can dissolve teeth. Also, maybe resist snapping this sight – sulphur can corrode a camera within minutes. indonesia-tourism.com

3

FES, MOROCCO

‘Elegant’

Fes might be the largest inhabited Arab medieval city in the world, but it’s also one of the smelliest.

In the heart of Fes el-Bali, the walled old town, the iconic Chouwara tanneries impact the nose as much as the eyes.

Rows of colourful vats used to dye animal skin throw up the stink of pigeon poo – the ammonia from which is used to strip the skins. Breathe it in and be glad you’re not one of the guys standing knee-deep in these vats all day long. visitmorocco.com

5

SEAL ISLAND, SOUTH AFRICA

Home to 60,000 seals, it’s not surprising that this small island off the north beaches of False Bay, near Cape Town, smells so funky.

The stench of rotting flesh, fish and the shit of 60,000 seals might not sound too appetising, but it doesn’t put off the great white sharks that circle the island in search of dinner. You can visit the island and marvel at this massive collection of cute cape fur seals – but be warned: you’ll probably see a fair few of them get eaten, too.

HOTEL BORG OVERVIEW Right on Reykjavik’s main square (and remember that we mean ‘main’ by Icelandic standards, so read: tiny, quiet patch), Hotel Borg is a stylish four-star that has apparently only failed to reach the heady heights of five stars because it lacks a spa. And we can believe it, going by its monochrome marble elegance.

WOW FACTOR Rooms are large and feel understatedly classy, the black-and-white theme continuing with the decor.

Meanwhile, under-marblefloor heating ensures a cosy stay. A flat-screen TV and deliciously deep bath are on hand if you fancy a quiet night in. At breakfast, be sure to try the smoked salmon – they know how to smoke their fish in this country, and it’s a far fresher, less oily affair than what you tend to pick up here.

BILL PLEASE Staying at Hotel Borg independently isn’t cheap, with rooms starting at about £140pn. However, easyJet Holidays is offering two-night stays, with flights, from about £200. See holidays.easyjet.com for more.

Posthusstraeti 11, 101 Reykjavik hotelborg.is

southafrica.net

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TRAVELTIPS

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Krakow: catch an overnight train from here to Prague on an overland tour of Eastern Europe

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If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free Wi-Fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning a trip through Eastern Q I’m Europe in June. I’ve booked a flight into Krakow and out of Budapest, and have mapped out a route that includes Prague, Vienna, and Bratislava. What’s the best way to travel between them? Although cost is a consideration, I’m more interested in what you think we’d get the most out of.

Lara, via email is undoubtedly a journey best taken by A This train. From Krakow it’s about nine hours to

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is that I don’t know where to go. I want to stay in Europe, be somewhere warm and sunny (but not too hot), and close to the sea. It shouldn’t be too expensive, either.

Do you have any tips? Teresa, via email you’re going to fly-drive, I’ll plump for A IfCorsica.

You can hire a car at the airport. and he island is covered with scenic ribbon-thin roads, which snake between pretty villages, stunning beaches, and an inland mountainous landscape that’s great for hiking. Check out the D18B, which runs along the coast between cosmopolitan coastal city Calvi and the small seaside resort of Galéria. This narrow route clings to the cliff and is not one for the faint-hearted, but the views are spectacular!

If you’re driving from the UK, why not try the Netherlands? The weather will be pleasant but not overpowering in summer. You can travel on Stena Line’s ferry service from Harwich to the Hook of Holland for less than £200 for a car and two passengers. Here, you can combine city exploring with beach breaks, too. Head to the island of Texel for broad, white-sand beaches, and stop off at Haarlem en route for a taste of the historic Netherlands. Alternatively, take the ferry to France and drive through Northern France and Belgium to reach the Netherlands.

This will only take you three-and-a-half hours and will allow you to take in the sights of Ghent and Antwerp, too.

HOW TO SMUGGLE If travelling on Ryanair and struggling to cram things in your hand luggage, wear a small handbag under your coat, wear your leggings under your jeans, stick some singlet tops up your arm sleeves, and undies in your socks under your jeans. Should just about do it.

Nicole Lambe, via Facebook

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Getty

Prague. It’s about five hours onward to Vienna, and less than three hours from Bratislava to Budapest. I’d recommend travelling the Krakowto-Prague route on the overnight train, as this is such a long journey. The sleeper train departs from Krakow at 21.54 and arrives in Prague at 07.50 the next day, starting from £63.50 for a seat or £118 for a double sleeper.

The only journey I’d suggest an alternative mode of transport for is between Vienna and Bratislava, when the most rewarding form of travel will be by boat along the Danube. Travel with Twin City Liner (twincityliner.com) between the two cities in less than 90 minutes, for as little as £28. You’ll find that travelling by train and boat lets you experience the fabulous scenery between these destinations, as well as the cities themselves.

Rail Europe (raileurope.co.uk) is a great site to view ticket prices for your journeys and Man in Seat 61 (seat61.com) offers up reams of information regarding train travel in this region.

thinking of going on a road trip for Q I’m 10-14 days this summer. The problem

CHOCOLATE BUFFET TIP If you are planning OF THE a stopover in Singapore, WEEK make sure you go to the Fullerton Hotel on Friday or Saturday night, when the most sumptuous chocolate buffet is served in the foyer of the hotel. No need to book, just turn up. But make sure you don’t have dinner before the feast, otherwise you will explode (because there is no limit to how much chocolate you can consume).

Julia Hancock, via email

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

HELVELLYN, THE LAKE DISTRICT Mitch Liehr, from Australia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

PETRI SCHOTMAN, 19

ANKE REYNDERS, 19

Lille, France

Brussels, Belgium

BEST Berlin. We stayed in a really great hotel and there was a huge mall nearby with lots of discounts on clothes.

My favourite site was the Jewish Museum, because it had a lot of powerful information on the Holocaust.

WORST We stayed in a gross hotel in Paris – the room was dirty and there were hairs all over the bed. We went over a weekend, so all the shops were closed on Sunday, which meant there wasn’t much to do. I also thought the Louvre was a little disappointing.

Scariest travel experience?

On a school trip to Florence a guy was shot and killed in a streetfight nearby us. It’s such a beautiful city, but we didn’t feel safe for the rest of the trip.

Most memorable travel experience?

I’ve been to Egypt about 10 times, but the trip that stands out most is when we stayed in a great hotel in Marsa Alam. The area is breathtaking and we swam with dolphins.

Essential travel item?

An umbrella – just in case.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

Photos: TNT

GROUP HOLIDAY IN A CASTLE Pennsylvania Castle, on the Isle of Portland in Dorset, overlooks the Jurassic coastline and boasts nine ensuite bedrooms for an amazing group holiday.

‘The Penn’ is available for short stays, including weekends. From £5000 +VAT for two nights, with room for 20 people (thepenn.co.uk; 01305 820659). Call or email for a quotation.

THE INSIDER

KOSTAS KONSTANTINIDIS Marketing manager TAP Portugal

My first big trip was when I booked a one-way ticket to Australia to go to university there. I was terribly excited on the one hand, and on the other I was horrified to be going so far away.

My most challenging travel experience was a visit to Australia to attend a wedding. I only had four days to do the whole trip, so I was only in Australia for one evening, and spent the rest of the time getting there and back.

I was very sick when I got back to London!

My favourite place in the world is a small island in the Aegean, Amorgos. It’s where Luc Besson filmed The Big Blue.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Rio de Janeiro. I really need to relax on a nice beach, 1000 miles away from work.

I always pack two pairs of trousers and four T-shirts, because you never end up using more than that.

My top travel tip is if possible, only travel with hand luggage.

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Vienna’s [Caption]Central Cemetery is a popular place for a picnic

Vienna AUSTRIA

GETTING THERE Return flights from London Gatwick to Vienna start from about £95 with easyJet (easyjet.com).

VIENNA

AUSTRIA

A coffin factory at the Funeral Museum; left: founding father of the sinister, Sigmund Freud, and the writer enjoying the graveyard [Caption] 70

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The dead zone Austria’s capital harbours a morbid fascination with the grisly and gruesome. We prove it with a visit to some scary sights WORDS KATIE GRANT

For centuries, the Viennese have derived a macabre pleasure from death. Sigmund Freud, founding father of psychoanalysis – and arguably Vienna’s most celebrated resident – famously claimed that “the aim of all life is death”, so it’s ironic that the Austrian capital has been repeatedly ranked as the best city in the world to live in.

Somehow, years of therapy have managed to instil in me a Pavlovian-like response to the call of the weird, so naturally I’m compelled to visit Vienna to explore its enduring fascination with the dead.

What better place to begin than at Bestattung Wien, HQ of the world’s first ever funeral museum? I meet curator Dr Wittigo Keller, funeral enthusiast and designer of the ‘sitting-up coffin’, which received mixed reactions at the 2001 International Funeral Fair.

“Yes, it wasn’t so practical,” he concedes.

It’s not uncommon in Vienna to start saving up for your funeral from a young age, with even the poorest willing to pay vast sums to ensure a spectacular final hoorah. It’s a worthy investment, in Keller’s opinion. “After all,” he points out, “the coffin you pick will be your last apartment for all eternity.”

While an unusually high proportion of Viennese prefer a traditional burial – according to Keller, around 25 per cent of Viennese choose to be cremated, while the European average ranges between 60 and 80 per cent – he has noted a recent upsurge in clients choosing to have the ashes of loved ones sent to Switzerland, where they are transformed into diamonds under extreme heat and pressure. A onecarat diamond takes about 18 months to produce and costs about £12,500. A single person’s ashes can yield up to seven sparklers, which are then incorporated into rings and pendants, though anything goes: “One time we even turned a grandmother into a navel piercing,” Keller declares.

For those who wish to continue serving humanity after death, there is the Narrenturm (Fools’ Tower). Designed to accommodate the mentally ill, it is now home to Vienna’s Pathologic-Anatomical Museum, displaying body parts dating back to the 1700s, and presenting visitors with every medical curiosity imaginable.

Jostling for space in the glass cabinets are amputated limbs crawling with varicose veins, boils and painful-looking skin conditions. There is a collection of centuries-old aborted

foetuses, and a special display of conjoined animal skulls – I even see a pair of Siamese housecats with eight legs.

A woman’s stomach, filled with the several dozen rusty nails she swallowed, makes me wince, but doesn’t prepare me for the sight of the severed penis and testicles of one particularly unfortunate man, whose genitals swelled up to resemble a giant aubergine after a disgruntled horse kicked up a fuss as he attempted to remove its shoe. I marvel at the world’s largest collection of kidney stones and gallstones,

“

I see a head covered in bobbly growths

”

many of which are bigger than the boiled egg I ate for breakfast, and start to feel a little queasy when I see an 18th-century man’s head, covered in bobbly growths. ››

A macabre museum displays some icky medical curiosities TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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On my final day, I decide that, as much as I want to visit the Contraception And Abortion Museum, it’s far too nice out to stay indoors, so I head to Zentralfriedhof, the city’s Central Cemetery, which I have heard houses more bodies than the entire living population of Vienna.

At 2.4sqkm, it’s one of the world’s largest cemeteries, yet it feels strangely intimate. I stroll along the paths taking in neat rows of tombstones and mausoleums. The atmosphere is very laidback: I see families, young couples ambling handin-hand enjoying the scenery, and spot an elderly pair laden down with buckets and spades, a rug, and a picnic basket, looking as though they are off on a trip to the seaside.

Sitting down against a tree, I close my eyes and listen to the birds chirping. Relaxing alone here in the sunshine, this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. It’s hardly the most conventional of places, but in this cemetery in Vienna I appear to have found bliss, surrounded by several million corpses.

My shrink is going to have a field day. ❚ More on the Funeral Museum at bestattungwien.at; the PathologicAnatomical Museum at narrenturm.at; and the Central Cemetery at zentralfriedhof.info. More on Vienna at wien.info

Birth-control coils at the Contraception and Abortion Museum. Delightful ...

NEXT WEEK Summertime in Stockholm: why it’s the best season to visit the city

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Converted from a monastery to a restaurant in 1924, Bitzinger’s Augustinerkeller is a popular tavern that offers excellent Viennese dishes and a friendly, homely environment. Mains from under £6. (bitzinger.at)

The charming Glacis Beisl restaurant serves tasty traditional fare and is superbly situated in the buzzing Museumsquartier area, a stone’s throw from the Leopold Museum. The gorgeous little garden is the perfect place to enjoy a leisurely lunch while you recharge your batteries. Mains from about £8. (glacisbeisl.at)

Located in the middle of the central city park, Steirereck im Stadtpark is the only two-star Michelin restaurant in Vienna. The menu incorporates local produce wherever possible. Put your glad rags on and be blown away by the enchanting surroundings and sumptuous modern Austrian cuisine. Mains from £20. (steirereck.at)

DRINK

The stylish Shultz bar is popular with trendy young locals. Perch on a barstool, sip a delicious cocktail, people-watch and soak up the cool, modern ambience. By day, it also operates as a coffee house. Beers from about £3. (shultz.at)

The controversial artist and architect, Adolf Loos, was a pioneer of modern architecture in Vienna. He designed the small Loos American Bar in 1903 after a stay in the US and led the way for numerous American-style bars. The original is still the best and remains the place to see and be seen. Beers from £3.20. (loosbar.at)

Take the outdoor elevator to the top of the 25hours Hotel and step out into the chic Dachboden-Bar, with its beach bar vibe and spectacular views of the Parliament and nearby park. On Wednesdays, dance the night away to swing-pop and cha cha music, courtesy of the in-house DJ. Spirits and mixers from about a fiver.

(25hours-hotels.com/wien)

SLEEP

Wombats City Hostel – The Base is centrally located with good transport links. The common room, sun terrace and bar are great places to meet fellow travellers. Staff are friendly and helpful, rooms are clean with en suite bathrooms, and there’s free Wi-Fi too. From £15pn. (wombats-hostels.com)

A classically designed Viennese building with Art Deco elements, Hotel Papageno is just 10 minutes’ walk from the Vienna State Opera and close to a range of restaurants and cafés. Rooms are spacious and comfortable, and mismatched furniture adds character. Rooms from about £72pn. (papageno.at)

Elegant, fresh and modern, Hotel Sofitel Vienna Stephansdom is like a modern work of art with its clean, minimalist design. It boasts superb views, a divine spa and perhaps the comfiest beds in the city. Perfect for a romantic weekend – though you won’t want to leave the bedroom.

Rooms from £350pn. (sofitel-vienna.com)

Photos: Austrian National Tourist; Katy Grant; Getty

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BUDGET

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Walk like an Egyptian This is Cairo in 48 hours WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

DAY 1: 09:00 A sense of chaos hits you as soon as your arrive in Egypt’s capital – cars weave around each other as they hurtle down highways with unmarked lanes, buildings are unfinished, the smog is inescapable. But you soon get used to the volume of the city, and we guarantee you’ll be sucked in by its mesmerising historical sites. Egypt’s capital, is made up of two parts on either side of the river – Cairo and Giza, but the latter is usually referred to as Cairo, too. Giza is the home of the Pyramids and the Sphinx, which you’ll see in their surreal splendour, rising up from red-brick houses and modern hotel buildings on the edge of the city. Don’t be sucked in by the night-time light show – it’s tacky and the garish lasers make the ancient monuments look small and fake – but arrive early in the morning before it gets too hot. The tombs are empty but their narrow passages are still worth a look inside. Admission is £6.20 and it costs an extra £10.30 to go inside.

12:00 Take a pit stop at one of the nearby cafes – between parked-up camels and cars on the roads around the Great Pyramids. Sit back for five with some Egyptian tea (best with spoonfuls of brown sugar), lunch and shisha.

13:30 Now head downtown to the huge Egyptian Museum (egypt.travel). Next to the now burnt-out husk of the former National Democratic Party HQ, it’s a surprise the museum didn’t burn down, being so close to the blazing building for days during the revolution. Luckily, its treasures are still held in all their glory inside – Tutankhamun’s gold mask, statues of Egyptian pharaohs and gods, and mummified people, crocodiles and pets. There’s enough to 74

see in here to take up the entire afternoon. Entry is £6.20.

19:00 You’re a stone’s throw from the infamous Tahrir Square. So, providing things are settled when you’re visiting, explore the area, which is home to grand hotels, the original downtown campus of the American University in Cairo, the Omar Makram Mosque, and a statue devoted to the nationalist hero who resisted Napoleon I’s invasion of Egypt.

20:00 Sample some traditional Egyptian koshari – a lentil, chickpea, pasta, rice and spicy tomato dish. It’s cheap, hearty and the tastiest can be found at Egyptian fast food chain Koshari al-Tahrir. There’s a branch just off Tahrir Square.

23:00 Crash out at Oasis Hotel (oasis.com.eg), but not before grabbing a beer in the Thirsty Camel Bar onsite.

Alcohol’s pretty hard to come by outside hotels, so you might be ready for a nightcap. The hotel is incredibly comfy, air conditioned and a double room costs from £112.

DAY 2: 9:00 After a quick morning dip in the hotel’s outdoor pool followed by a buffet breakfast, head to Khan el Khalili Market before it gets too busy. The hectic souk, in the Islamic district of Cairo, has been here since the 14th century. Haggle yourself genie lamps, candles, spices, scarves, jewellery and shisha pipes, and aim to pay half of the first price you’re given.

11:00 When you’re all bargained out, head out of town to the Step Pyramid, devoted to the pharaoh Djoser. Built before the more famous Pyramids, it’s the earliest stone monument in the world. Before this, temples were built from perishable materials and royal tombs were dug underground and topped with mud-brick buildings. Around the Step

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Photos: Thinkstock, Eric Nathan / TNT I

Tutankhamun’s gold mask

Pyramid sprawls a funerary complex, and visitors enter through a corridor of columns created from bundled palm and papyrus stems.

14:00 Head back into Cairo for some grub. Downtown, Abou Shakra is a favourite with locals and serves a mean kebab and kofta plate. On Fridays, an Imam holes up in the restaurant and reads from the Quran.

15:00 Next up, it’s the Cairo Citadel, the medieval Islamic fortification on Mokattam Hill near the city’s centre. Built in the 12th century to protect Cairo from the Crusaders, the steadfast walled cluster is home to the impressive Mosque of Al-Nasir Muhammad, which was added in two centuries later as a place for sultans to perform their Friday prayers.

19:00 After an afternoon of wandering the citadel, check out some colourful Sufi dancing by the Al-Tannoura Egyptian Heritage Dance Troupe at the Wikala of AlGhouri in the Al Azhar district, downtown. Performances start at 7pm during the winter and 8pm in the summer on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays and admission is free.

21:00 End your weekend by treating yourself to a long, late Lebanese dinner at Dar El Amar Terrace (cairodining.com). The cold and hot mezze, from £10, is legendary, but the best part of the experience is that you’ll be floating on the Nile while you eat.

On The Go runs a variety of tours to Egypt. The nine-day King Tutankhamun tour includes two nights in Cairo from £349pp including accommodation, a guide, transport in Egypt and some onthegotours.com meals.

Fly return from £300 cheapflights.co.uk

Spice things up in Cairo

Khan el Khalili Market TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Running of the Bulls

San Sebastian Bilbao Pamplona Barcelona

PAMPLONA, SPAIN MADRID

SPAIN

GETTING THERE Most tours include coach travel from London, or a tour group will meet in a city close by – such as San Sebastian – before catching a train or bus together to Pamplona. Check for cheap flights at skyscanner.net.

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Run for your life Every year, tourists are invited to dice with death and take on the bulls of Pamplona. The result, we find, is pure pandemonium ...

EDITED BY LAURA CHUBB

The Running of the Bulls is a top-of-the-bucket-list entry for any traveller worth their passport stamps. The seven-day extravaganza in Spain’s Pamplona is an unabashed orgy of sangria fights, parades and parties – plus the small matter of risking your life every morning at 8am, should you wish to join in with the brave/ dim-witted and leg it through the cobbled streets ahead of a pack of angry bulls.

The ‘Pamps’ opening party takes place on July 6, with the first run scheduled for July 7. From that point on, festivalgoers can run the route – beginning in the streets and ending in the main arena – every morning at 8am until July 14, with the bulls (hopefully) behind them. There are bullfights every evening, too – if you can tear yourself away from the parties.

But why go all the way to Spain just for the bulls?

You can tack on a host of other sizzling destinations to your Pamplona tour and make it one hell of a holiday to remember. Here, we give you a first-hand account of being in the running, and a guide to everything else you should see while you’re there.

Pamplona, by Laura Adcock “No Dad, of course I won’t run,” I soothe down the phone from my San Sebastian hostel, ears still ringing from the horror stories – including the fatal goring of Spaniard Daniel Jimeno Romero in 2009.

I’m about to attend the Running of the Bulls festival, which takes place each July as part of the chaotic Fiesta de San Fermin.

To run or not to run? Speaking to my fellow travellers, I’m none the wiser as to the best course of action. A few boys have clearly been waiting for this opportunity their whole lives and the enthusiasm is infectious. But then Murray, our tour guide, tells me in no uncertain terms: “You’d have to be completely insane to want to run it.”

I decide to sleep on it.

When I step off the coach in Pamplona at 6am – those preparing to run need time to walk the route beforehand – a scene akin to a natural disaster confronts me. People have passed out everywhere, one man lies with his head in the road, and eerily, everyone is dressed in the same white

outfits with red scarves. I’m hit with the overpowering stench of vomit. This is the craziest place I have ever been.

As we walk the narrow, cobbled streets, there are still plenty of revellers going strong and the ground is slippery from the copious amounts of sangria underfoot.

I feel overwhelmed and extremely sober; there is no way in hell I’m running this gauntlet. Morgen, who I befriended on the bus, looks distinctly uneasy as I wish him luck (while secretly wondering if I’ll ever see him again) and I head to Plaza de Toros, where the race will end. The atmosphere is electric and I get swept up in crowd mentality, joining in with the Mexican waves that sweep around the stadium.

At 7.55am the big screen flashes on to reveal today’s

“

I know I can’t leave without taking part

”

bulls and I realise just how massive these creatures are. My stomach somersaults when the rocket is launched at 8am and the gates are flung open.

On screen, the really brave (Spanish) participants who start at the beginning of the 825m route run for their lives.

The crowd goes mental; jeering, spitting and even throwing bottles at the offenders who ran too early – there is no place for cowards and glory hunters in Pamplona.

The race is over in less than four minutes, and luckily it’s a ‘clean’ run. That afternoon, we head back to Pamplona for the evening fiesta. Arriving in the late afternoon sunshine, the streets are miraculously clean, with no sign of the previous night’s carnage. I soak up the atmosphere and street entertainment in Plaza del Castillo while sipping on ridiculously cheap sangria.

My thoughts soon return to the run and I know that I can’t leave without taking part. Even when Franz, a German photographer, tells me in broken English that he has “seen how horrific it is when the run goes wrong”, I’m too buzzed ›› to be put off.

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Caption The next day, I join Ben, who ran yesterday and is therefore a veteran, and Oz who, like me, is absolutely bricking it. We climb into a ‘holding’ pen just before Dead Man’s Corner. This sounds like the exact opposite of the place I’d like to be, but Ben assures me we must stay where we are until the streets have been cleaned – head to your chosen starting point too soon and police will pluck you off the course. Sure enough, with 10 minutes to go, the gates are opened and we move forward. By this point I’m feeling faint with nerves.

But when the rocket goes off, everybody’s thinking the same thing: “Fuuuuuuuuck.” We all stand tensely, laughing nervously and resisting the urge to run. With the second rocket the ground starts to shake – they’re coming, and I’m off. I’m too focused on jumping the fallen to really notice when the beasts go thundering past, and all I can think is “please don’t die”. Oz is hot on my heels, but there’s no sign of Ben; it’s every man for himself here and we don’t stop until we make it to the stadium.

The cheers from the crowd are immense and, feeling like superstars, we share a celebratory hug at the entrance only to realise that there are another six ‘herding’ bulls bringing up the rear and narrowly avoid being flattened.

I’m exhausted, but my dad will be so proud.

Clockwise from left: bull fights at San Fermin; hike the Pyrenees; join the arty party in Madrid; sunny San Sebastian You can swim in the shadow of historical buildings and churches, and there’s some decent surf – although Playa de la Zurriola, across the river, is better for catching waves, and less crowded. For an impressive panorama of this city on the sea, take the funicular railway up Mount Igueldo, west of town.

If you fancy earning a view with a walk, head up Monte Urgull, at the top of which stands a grand statue of Jesus. For budget fare, head into the Old Town and rack up the pintxos (the Basque Country version of tapas).

More: sansebastianturismo.com

San Sebastian Lots of tours include at least an afternoon in San Sebastian, as it’s so close to Pamplona. It’s a summery spot on the Bay of Biscay, home to great beaches, serious surfing, classy cuisine (13 Michelin stars at the last count) and a cute old town. San Sebastian is probably best known for the Playa de la Concha, widely regarded one of the best city beaches in Europe.

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San Sebastian on the Bay of Biscay Caption

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IT ’S PP ’s 21 ST BI RT HD AY PA RT Y

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Basque Pyrenees

SURVIVAL GUIDE

A handful of itineraries make you earn your sangria with a few hours’ hiking in the Basque Pyrenees. Be sure to take in the glorious views of rolling green valleys and jagged peaks between breaks for breath. If you find yourself wanting more action in this part of the world, there are scores of outfits peddling mountain biking holidays in the area, which are designed to be as technical or as gentle as you like. Keep an eye on TNT in May for more on adventure in the Pyrenees.

More: basquecountry-tourism.com Bilbao A few savvy tour operators are offering packages that combine dicing with death in Pamplona and festival fever at Bilbao BBK Live. The latter welcomes the likes of Radiohead and The Cure to the stage this year, offering three days of rock n’ roll at the peak of Kobeta hill, surrounded by brilliantly green mountains and knockout views of Bilbao below. But it doesn’t have to be all about the bands, as free buses shuttle you back and forth between the festival site and the city. Take time out from the tent to see Frank Gehry’s shimmering titanium Guggenheim museum and indulge in bars and budget eats around the Casco Viejo.

More: basquecountry-tourism.com Madrid Some tours offer transfers to Madrid and Barcelona at the end of your time in Pamplona. And while the latter is an unrelentingly popular European city break – Barcelona was the world’s 15th most visited city in 2010 – the country’s capital can easily compete. Madrid boasts some of the best nightlife in the world, so be sure to hit up the bars around Malasana and the clubs on Calle del Arenal for a super-sized slice of the action. For something a little more high culture, Centro de Arte Reina Sofia has an awesome collection spanning greats from Picasso to Salvador Dali, while converted slaughterhouse Matadero Madrid houses the best in contemporary works. Also, don’t miss peoplewatching at Plaza Mayor.

More: esmadrid.com/en ›› tntmagazine.com/travel/weekender-madrid

Here are our top tips for surviving the bull run.

Be a good little backpacker and listen to TNT. Don’t run on your first day at the festival – watch for an idea of what to expect and try to walk the course beforehand.

Run in a straight line and in front of the bulls.

If you want to stop running at any point, move off to the side.

If you fall over, keep still and don’t move until the bulls have passed. Cover your face and just lie there.

You might get a few bruises but it’s safer than trying to get up. Onlookers will let you know when it is safe.

Don’t try to touch the bulls – you can be fined for doing so.

Start after what is known as Dead Man’s Corner.

It is 300m from the end and is marked as such.

Swallow your pride – starting at the beginning of the 825m route will result in injuries. Anyway, the police will try to pick out the tourists and take them to a safer starting point.

Don’t drink. If that is impossible, don’t drink too much. You won’t be allowed to access the route if you are drunk, or if you’re carrying a rucksack or camera.

Get some sleep. There is a park nearby where many people go for a snooze – just make sure you don’t have anything valuable on you.

Barcelona: Caption La Sagrada Familia

Good luck!

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Barcelona The Catalonian capital needs no introduction – it is Europe’s most popular city break after Paris, London and Rome. From gorgeous beaches to an eclectic skyline, and sexy non-stop nightlife to lively outdoor markets, Barcelona’s la vida loca (the crazy life) lurks around every corner. Take time out from the street performers and fortune tellers of Las Ramblas and cocktails in packed beach bars to discover Carrer de la Riera Baixa, a haven of vintage boutiques and cool record stores.

More: barcelonaturisme.com tntmagazine.com/travel/barcelonacrazylife ❚ Fiesta de San Fermín is held from July 6-14. The opening ceremony is at noon on July 6. The bull run is at 8am every morning, and six bulls are brought back to fight a matador in the arena at 6.30pm. sanfermin.com Keep an eye on our Late Deals page for all the latest Pamplona tour packages, or check tntmagazine.com/travel/late-deals

BEYOND THE BULLS FESTIVITIES AT SAN FERMIN

Celebrate: if you survive, head to the street parties

San Fermin isn’t just about running with the bulls. Here are more unmissable events during the festival.

TXUPINAZO This is the rocket that is launched to mark the start of the fiesta at midday on July 6 in Plaza del Ayuntamiento (City Hall Square). The party starts here.

BULLFIGHTS Not for the faint-hearted, the bullfights take place every evening at 6.30pm from July 6-14. Once the bull is in the ring, spectators cannot be admitted until the bull is killed, so make sure you arrive on time.

PARTY TIME Find like-minded revellers any time of the day or night at Jarauta or El Carmen, Estafeta, San Nicolas, Plaza del Castillo, around the bullring and around the Nafarroa Oinez stand in la Taconera. Expect dancing, drinking and sangria fights in the streets. It’s pure pandemonium everywhere, really.

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Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

FUENTING After Txupinazo, head to Plaza de la Navarreria to join the masses who choose to climb up the fountain and jump from the top. Wine and champagne lubricate the proceedings.

Madness: this festival is truly bonkers

NEXT WEEK

Maman: see it at the Bilbao Guggenheim

Van Tour: How to do the ultimate Euro overland trip

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www.topdeck.travel/croatia-sailing

TRAVEL

This Summer Departing 26 May

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CALL US 0845 257 5210 *Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included. Croatia Sailing price includes local payment based on €1 = £0.83, which must be paid locally in Euros. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNT_1494_travel.indd 97

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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13/4/12 12:08:20

europe

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Cairo, Pyramids of Giza, Valley of the Kings & Dahab INCLUSIONS: 9 nights accommodation, all breakfasts, 2 lunches & 4 local dinners, $135USD of entrance fees - Egyptian Museum, Valley of the Kings and Hatshepsut Temple, Pyramids of Giza, Sphinx, Luxor and Karnak Temples, Kom Ombo and Aswan High Dam 7 DAYS (Apr-Dec) FROM £379 PP*

Cairo, Pyramids of Giza, Valley of the Kings INCLUSIONS: 6 nights accommodation, all breakfasts, 2 lunches & 2 local dinners, $90USD of entrance fees - Egyptian Museum, Pyramids of Giza, Sphinx, Kom Ombo and Aswan High Dam *per person price base on twin/trip share accommodation. Localy payment of $50 USD (£39) paid on Day 1.

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08450 267 514 TNT_1494_travel.indd 98

www.busabout.com

SAVE 10% WHEN YOU BUY TWO OR MORE QUALIFYING TRIPS

info@busabout.com 13/4/12 12:08:35

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www.topdeck.travel/festivals

2012FESITVALS & SHORT BREAKS 4 DAYS Edinburgh Fringe Festival & Tattoo 24 -27 August 2012

TRIPS FROM

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DAY TRIPS FROM

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Running of the Bulls 4 - 15 July 2012

TRIPS FROM

£75

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L8291 / Y2992

TNT_1494_travel.indd 102

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June Bank Holiday

TRAVEL

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4 DAYS Brugge

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2-5 June 2012

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£249 4 DAYS Amsterdam

June Bank Holiday 2-5 June 2012

TRIPS FROM

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August Bank Holiday 24 -27 June 2012

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August Bank Holiday 24 -27 June 2012

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Everyone aged 18 to 30 something Nearly 40 years of festival & event experience Topdeck crew on hand with all the insider hints and tips Rely on us for quality, comfort, professionalism and an unforgettable experinece!

CALL US 0845 257 5210 TNTMAGAZINE.COM 103 *Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Flights not included. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNT_1494_travel.indd 103

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TRAVEL 104 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TNT_1494_travel.indd 104

13/4/12 17:00:08

HIGHLAND FLING 5 DAYS Normally £189 - Now £159

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TRAVEL

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* April & May departures. Book by 29 April. Enter promocode ‘spring’

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GIANT’S ROCKER 5 DAYS (Apr-Oct) £215 (Students £205) GALWAY, INIS MÓR, GIANT’S CAUSEWAY, DERRY & BELFAST Includes FREE entry to: Cliffs of Moher, Giant’s Causeway & Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge

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TRAVEL

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106 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVEL

PAMPLONA THE INCREDIBLE RUNNING OF THE BULLS! ■ 4 Days Pamps/San Seb Camping 4-15 JUL ■ Italy-Barcelona-Pamps 26 JUN-8 JUL ■ Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL ■ Pamplona + Ibiza Combo 5-11 JUL ■ San Sebastian + Pamps 3-8 or 5-10 JUL ■ Coach Tours Depart London 3 or 4 JUL fr£279 ■ 4 Days San Sebastian Hostel 5-8 JUL £269 ■ 4 Days Pamplona Hotel 5-8 JUL £349

£159 £749 £349 £399 £239

WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac ■ CAT A: JUN £469 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 ■ CAT A+: JUN £399 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£469 SEP £469

FOOTBALL SOCCEROOS & ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE ■ Fulham FC v Wigan Athletic SAT 21 APR ■ Fulham FC v Sunderland SUN 6 MAY ■ Socceroos v Denmark: Copenhagen SAT 2 JUN

CATEGORY A & A+ BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! ■ 7 NIGHTS JUN-SEP fr£399

✔ CROATIA + PAMPLONA TOUR

£33 £38 £35

ROYAL ASCOT DON’T MISS BLACK CAVIAR’S EUROPEAN DEBUT! ■ Diamond Jubilee Day SAT 23 JUN £59 ✔ Coach Day Trip ✔ Silver Ring Ticket

ITALY TOURS CHECK OUT THE BEST ITALY HAS TO OFFER! ■ 7 Days JUN-AUG £299 ✔ Rome ✔ Florence ✔ Cinque Terre ✔ Pisa ✔ Venice ✔ Milan

PALIO SIENA ITALY’S CRAZY 350 YEAR OLD FESTIVAL ■ Hostel Package 14-17 AUG £149 ■ Extended packages also available fr£529

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GREEK

ISLANDS

23 JUN-8 JUL £848

GREEK ISLANDS

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OKTOBERFEST BEERFEST IN MUNICH! 21 SEP-8 OCT Choice of Munich’s best hostels & hotel and #1 party campsite!

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TRAVEL

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS MAY BANK HOLIDAY BREAKS HOLLAND & BELGIUM from £215 Sat 5 - Mon 7 May. Return travel by coach/ferry, 2 nights B&B accom, dinners and free bar, sightseeing, visit to a cheese and clog farm, a half day in Brugge and tour manager.

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¸ EVERYDAY - Oxford, Stratford & Cotswolds ¸ EVERYDAY - Stonehenge, Glastonbury & Avebury ¸ EVERY SAT & SUN - Leeds Castle, Canterbury & White Cliffs of Dover

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Explore the palatial grandeur of Castle Rock Hostel, Edinburgh’s most amazingly located hostel!

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Voted HostelWorld's Number 1 Hostel in Scotland 2008, 2009 and 2010! We were also named in the Top 10 Best Hostels in the World for 2010!

for details of our great hostels visit scotlandstophostels.com Visit the world-famous Loch Ness and get a taste of the Scottish Highlands Departs Edinburgh 4 days a week

macbackpackers.com 0131 558 9900 /MacBackpackersTours

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BOOK ON ANDERSONTOURS.CO.UK OR CALL 0207 436 9304

* MacBackpackers runs the only genuine 3 day tour of the Isle of Skye for backpackers. Unlike other backpacker companies we actually stay overnight on the island - spending up to 36 hours there, compared to as little as 6 hours with other operators.

108 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVEL

THE ONLY CRUISE THAT SAILS STARTS AND ENDS ON MYKONOS! THE EASIEST AND CHEAPEST AIR ACCESS IN AEGEAN SEA REGION IT’S A BUDGET YET HIGH VALUE CRUISE GIVING YOU MORE FOR YOUR MONEY MAXIMUM SAILING TIME 4 HOURS/DAY IN CALM WATERS PRIVATE BBQ PARTY AT AN EXCLUSIVE SMALL SANDY BEACH WATER SPORT ACTIVITIES (SPEED BOAT AVAILABLE ON BOARD) BYO POLICY ON BOARD

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TRAVEL

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Sayonara: Ah Georges, back to Spain. We’ll miss you mate. Think of all the great things we’ve done – the gimp-mask Friday nights, the Shepherd’s Bush recreation of Two Girls, One Cup, the snow fights on non-snow days, shelving ‘em, the Acton Town Dirty Girls late-night booty calls, spew in the shower, pig on the spit roast. It’s been a blast. Stay in touch and remember the golden rule – no photos, no Facebook. Boom. #fuckyeahboi Rose: I don’t know if you’ve grown, or I’ve shrunk, but the snake’s not enjoying his burrow like he used to. I gotta slither. Aspy.

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