TNT Magazine / Issue 1441 by TNT Magazine

Live, Work & Travel

April 11-17 2011 Issue 1441 tntmagazine.com

!Y IEN W A D NIN -

A GYPT TOUR TO E FOR TWO

TRAVEL VIA TWITTER Let social media guide you around Bristol

SPIRITUAL AWAKENING Uncover the meaning of life in London

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Emilio Estevez on his new movie and Charlie Sheen’s hell-raising ways TICKETS TO TNT’S LONDON LEGACY ANZAC BALL ON APRIL 15

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this week April 11-17 / Issue 1441 Free every Monday tntmagazine.com

Front Cover: Getty Images

EDITOR’S LETTER It’s often said London is a melting pot of different cultures and religions. Well we certainly put that to the test this week as TNT goes in search of the meaning of life. Turn to P10 to find out what we discovered. His brother Charlie Sheen may well be the talk of the town, but Emilio Estevez is managing to steal the limelight with his new film. We chat to him on P26. Does the roar of engines get your motor running? See P65 for our trip to Nurburgring.

72 Wax up and hit the waves in the world’s best surfing spots

57 TRAVEL

CAROL DRIVER

8 LONDON 8 London Life 10 THE MEANING OF LIFE: Gain spiritual understanding in London 12 Food & Drink 14 A COOK-OFF: Our two budding chefs go head to head 16 Spotted 18 Silly Buggers

21 ENTERTAINMENT 21 Celebrity News 23 Look Who’s Talking: Stephen De Martin 24 Cinema 25 Culture 26 OH, BROTHER: Emilio Estevez on his new movie and Charlie Sheen

28 MUSIC & CLUBS 28 31 32 34 35

Music - album of the week Gig previews Music Listings Clubbing Listings Clubbing

58 Discover Banksy in Bristol – via Twitter

36 NEWS & SPORT 36 World News 38 YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE: It’s been 22 years since Hillsborough 40 Australian News 41 New Zealand News 43 Our view: Tase the brats … 44 Sport: Best Of The Week 47 Sport view: How bad is too bad? 48 RIKI FLUTEY: The Kiwi wants his English rugby jersey back

57 Global Vision 58 TWEETING AROUND: Explore Bristol using social media 60 Late Deals 63 TNTT Weekender: Marrakech 64 Hotshots 65 REV IT UP: Petrolhead heaven at Nurburgring, Germany 68 Travel Tips 69 Travel News 70 On The Road 71 Top Five 72 GET ON BOARD: The world’s favourite surfing spots 10 How to send your cosmic energy to Japan

50 CAREERS & MONEY 50 Job Of The Week 51 Careers 52 DRESS FOR SUCCESS: What you wear says so much about you 54 Money

REGULARS 26 Emilio Estevez is a little frustrated by bro Charlie Sheen

4 Letters 6 Wins 114 Desperately Seeking

23 Stephen De Martin on why it’s OK to say ‘poof’

YOUR SAY EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Content Editors: Travel Janine Kelso Entertainment Alison Grinter News & Sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Features/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent | Inger Smith Sub Jahn Vannisselroy

Beware of nasty flu-bug

I just can’t believe how quickly a bug can spread. On Sunday I had a lovely lunch with my family to celebrate Mother’s Day. Then 24 hours later my tummy is queasy and I find out my nephews and sister-in-law have caught the sickness bug. Just twelve hours after that, I am enjoying the same agony as them, as well as my brother. Warning: stay away from anyone who says they have tummy pains and a sick taste in their mouth as this bug is not nice! If you’re one of the unlucky ones to catch it then make sure you get yourself a bunch of bananas as they will be the only thing you’ll want to eat! Michelle, London via iPhone

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Astrid Breacker Design and production executives Justine Mackay | Laura Doyle Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Head of Sales and Marketing: Jim Zambrano Acting Sales Manager Jaqui Ward Portfolio Manager Stephen Warman Sales Executives Matt Syder | Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Thomas Wheeler Sales Administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and Events Executive Domenica Ribaudo Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill Social media co-ordinator Daniel Cape ACCOUNTS Finance director Nick Crampton Accounts Margaret Roberts | Ewa Marks TNT PUBLISHING CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Receptionist Lisa Lowe TNT Publishing Ltd Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES AAP AP Alamy Getty Images NZPA PA Photos Photolibrary.com Pictures Colour Library Reuters Rex Features Robert Harding SAPA TNT Images PUBLISHER

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Being sick ain’t fun

FRENCH NOT FAIR TO SOUTH AFRICANS For years I have been bewildered as to why the South African passport has French on the cover? We can’t even travel easily to France and need a visa! So why the French writing? The unfairness is irritating. Cheryl Tebbutt, South Norwood

LIBYA ACTION IS A MISTAKE In response to Hasani Hasani’s letter “Libya action is right” (1440), frankly I’m perturbed with how out of control the situation in Libya is getting. US president Barack Obama and UK prime minister David Cameron gave the impression they could knock Gaddafi over in a week, but nearly a month on the civil war has turned into one big fat stalemate with no end in sight. Meanwhile Nato airstrikes are accidentally killing the

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rebels they are meant to be helping! It all serves as a timely reminder that military action is never a quick fix. Billy, Finchley

CUTS EQUAL CRIME I just don’t get it. The government want us to work, so we work. Then they make all these economic cuts so it’s difficult for us to work and leading families into poverty. Have they gone bonkers or are they just greedy? This isn’t the way to go in my opinion. It’s going to lead to more crime and debt for this country. Anon, via tntmagazine.com

I AIN’T NO HOLLABACK GIRL I read Rebecca Kent’s Hollaback! feature (TNT 1440) and, although I take my hat off to girls standing up to sexual harassment, I did wonder if being whistled at in the street really counts as such. I’m now

Entertainment

The Libertines’ Carl Barat

in my mid-30s and have observed with alarm how this sort of attention dwindles after 29! I used to take it as my due that men would stare at me in the street and, although I had to mentally brace myself when I walked past a building site, I did find it flattering being wolf-whistled and shouted at. Now that the “harassment” has stopped, I realise guys didn’t do it indiscriminately – they were showing their appreciation that I was young and hot. Now I’m not, and they don’t. Boo! Sarah, Clapham

WIN!

letters@tntmagazine.com

letters@tntmagazine.com Letter of the week wins a three-day tour of Ireland from Shamrocker (shamockeradventures.com), valued at £119. Letters may be edited. Prize is not transferable. Your Say is a reader forum and does not represent the opinions of TNT or its staff.

London

Anzac Day

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TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

LETTER OF THE WEEK

LONDON LIFE

TNT’S FREAKY IMAGES

Controversial exhibition

PREVIEW: UN-THINK: NANCY FOUTS

Getty Images, Discover Ireland, Thinkstock; Pertwee Anderson & Gold; Simon Anderson

A former advertising modelmaker who contributed to the famous Silk Cut ad campaigns for Saatchi & Saatchi in the 80s, US-born Nancy Fouts, seems to have moved effortlessly into the world of art. Sometimes controversial, Fout’s surreal installations which explore the themes of nature and religion are as intriguing as they are visually striking. Her latest exhibition features works of objects, each one intricately reengineered so that it is

transformed into a surprise version of itself. The exhibition is currently running at the brand new London art gallery Pertwee, Anderson & Gold co-founded by the actor Sean Pertwee. Unthink will turn the Bateman Street space into a curious display of intricate and original pieces filled with the artist’s dark humour and abstract view of the world. Check it out.

» Pertwee, Anderson & Gold, 15 Bateman St, W1D 3AQ Leicester Square (pertweeandersongold. com) Until May 12. Free.

Fouts’ Holy War and Bad Year

Travel

Big trip

Active Ireland

Van Tours

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HOW TO ENTER Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random

A NINE-DAY TOUR OF EGYPT FOR TWO Set out on a nine-day Egypt adventure with a friend

TNT and Travel Talk have teamed up to give one lucky reader the chance to see Egypt in style on a Jewels Of The Nile tour for two people. Explore Cairo and the world famous pyramids at Giza, where you’ll stay in four- and five-star hotels before heading off to Aswan, where you’ll embark on a four-day, five-star Nile cruise. You’ll also visit the High Dam, Luxor and the Valley Of The Kings, with plenty of time for sunbathing and fishing. After taking in the Temple of Queen Hatshepsut you’ll head back to Cairo and see the Egyptian Museum, the Citadel of Saladin, the Hanging Church and the famous Khan El Khalili bazaar. Enter at tntmagazine.com/ competitions.

» See traveltalktours.com

WIN MORE 4 16 24 35 64 64 68 70

Ireland tour Guidebooks Monsters on DVD Clubbing tickets to DJ Yoda and Blow A three-day tour of Scotland Photography course Cash and guidebooks A trip to Bath and Stonehenge

PREVIOUS WINNER TNT 1436: Go Wild festival package to the French Alps: Samantha Horseman

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LONDON LIFE

WHAT’S ON Tom Sturrock PICKS THE BEST OF LONDON THIS WEEK

LONDON

LONDON MARATHON FREE WHAT: It’s one of the capital’s real showpiece annual events and this year, once again, about 30,000 runners take to the streets. Some world-class athletes will be on show but the real star is the city itself; its many landmarks are all visited along the race’s jinking route. WHEN: April 17. DO IT BECAUSE: If the weather holds, it’s one of the city’s great days out, with thousands lining the streets to cheer competitors.

» The route runs from Greenwich Park to The Mall near Buckingham Palace St James’s Park for the finish (virginlondonmarathon.com).

MEDIEVAL BANQUET £50 “Seriously – it was tiny!”

Capital idea: Primrose Hill If you don’t lose your breath hiking up the steep slopes of Primrose Hill, you will when you see the view from the top. This 78-metre grassy space located north of Regent’s Park is the highest natural point in London, although that’s not saying much, considering the city is a virtual pancake. With the sun setting at your back and the capital city sprawled out in all her glory in front of you, Primrose Hill offers the best way to see London from the bird’s eye

view. Lazy sunbathers, guitar-playing hipsters, dog enthusiasts, too-cute happy families and the odd celebrity who makes his or her home in the surrounding posh neighbourhood congregate here to unwind and remind themselves how lucky they are to live among the urban melting pot of London town.

You get a banging dinner in a giant hall, where serving wenches wait on you and as many as 500 other costumed guests. Not for people with a low shame threshold.

» Ivory House, St Katharine’s Dock, E1W 1BP Tower Hill (medievalbanquet.com).

THE GOLDEN AGE OF REGGAE FREE These portraits conjure the reggae explosion of the 70s and 80s, with a particular focus on Bob Marley.

» Proud Chelsea, 161 King’s Rd, SW3 5XP South Kensington (proud.co.uk). Until May 15

ERIN CHACK

» Primrose Hill Road, NW3 3NA

“Has anyone seen my codpiece?”

Chalk Farm

BRITAIN EXPLAINED LONDON BY NUMBERS

6bn

Pounds every public holiday costs the British economy. Source: Federation of Small Businesses

THE NATIONAL FRONT some fleeting success in general elections but declined rapidly once Margaret Thatcher attracted voters who might otherwise have

voted for the National Front. According to its website, the party claims to uphold the wish of the majority of British people that Britain remain “a white country”. To this end, the National Front supports an end to all non-white immigration to Britain, along with a process of repatriation over a period of 10-15 years. The National Front would also outlaw abortion and “repeal laws permitting homosexuality”. TS

Getty Images

Considered a far-right, whitesonly political party, the National Front will be running 30 candidates at next month’s local elections, specifically targeting Hull, Birmingham and Scotland. They came under fire for trying to raise campaign funds by selling ‘golliwog’ dolls for £12 over the internet. Party spokesmen, though, remained unapologetic. In its heyday during the 70s and 80s, the party enjoyed

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Maybe you haven’t got the patience to sit through an entire production – although there’s plenty worth seeing at the moment – but you can take a quick tour instead.

In theory, it’s for kids. All that means is that you might need a few pints before getting into the swing of it. And there’s plenty going on around the Common once you’re done.

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A celebration of Dutch culture takes over Trafalagar Square to celebrate the national day. Great tunes in a great setting. Come for the clog-dancing, but stay for the cheese and pancakes.

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Is there anybody out there?

CAN EXTRATERRESTRIALS SAVE JAPAN? Yes, according to the Aetherius Society. Here’s what happened when TNT attended a Power Circle for Fukushima. WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

“I

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is to ‘heal and uplift humanity’ and tonight’s service is dedicated to sending prayers and energy to earthquake and tsunami-hit Japan. The Power Circle takes place in a semicircle of chairs facing a red velvet-draped altar. There is a cross, topped with the Ohm sign; a fusion of religious symbols that demonstrates the society’s belief in all religions – from Buddhism to Christianity. A photograph of outer space pays homage to the extraterrestrials. We begin the service by imagining a violet flame travelling up through our feet and into our ‘Heart Centre’, said to be a few inches in front of the chest. Next, we visualise a white light coming down into our brains and through our bodies. According to spokesman Mark Bennett,

Getty Images

Dr George King, founder of the Aetherius movement

t will come as no surprise to you that there have been several sightings of flying saucers over the Fukushima plant in Japan,” says the minister. Sitting in the basement church of the Aetherius Society in Fulham with 20 robed believers this news does actually come as a surprise. It shouldn’t. I have been briefed before attending tonight’s ‘Power Circle’ and understand that UFOs are a central tenet of the society’s beliefs. According to followers, extraterrestrial beings are particularly concerned by mankind’s use of nuclear technology and often appear at times of crisis. Hence the flying saucers over Fukushima. The Aetherius Society’s stated function

FIND YOURSELF WHAT ELSE IS GOING DOWN IN LONDON’S SPIRITUAL REALM ■ SHAMANISM

■ THETA HEALING Theta Healing claims to be the ‘application of quantum mechanics’ to the consciousness which will, apparently, allow to you change both your emotional and physical state. The practice works on the premise

that we have a Theta Brainwave which can be accessed and used for healing both yourself and others. Take a course and you might just learn how to “activate your youth and vitality chromosomes and your 12strands of DNA.” See: thetahealingcentre.co.uk

■ LANDMARK FORUM “People are able to achieve higher standards of excellence and to think and act beyond existing views and limits,” says the website. The purported magic takes place in seminar sessions which encourage participants to dig deep into their psyches at the same time as learning a new philosophy of life. As well as converts, Landmark Forum has critics who describe it as cult-like. See: landmarkeducation.com

■ SPIRITUALISM Spiritualists believe the soul exists after physical death and progresses through hierarchical “spheres” of afterlife. Followers claim it is possible to communicate with the spirits of the dead who send messages of guidance to the living. Mediums approved by the Spiritualist Church contact ‘spirit guides’ for help on earthly matters in private settings or at one of London’s many Spiritualist churches. See: thespiritualist.org

Shamanism is alive and well in London

The room vibrates with the “ sound of the congregation

Vlad Podkhlebnik, Copyright of The Aetherius Society

chanting mantras and a gravelly voice booms out

this white light is a real and powerful force and channelling it will help the victims of Japan’s earthquake. “If there was enough of this energy, all the world’s problems would be solved,” Bennett tells me confidently. So, here I am, sitting with my hands raised, eyes closed, visualising the White Light. I haven’t been to a church for years but I certainly don’t remember it being this dramatic. The room vibrates with the sound of the congregation chanting mantras and the minister’s gravelly voice booms out. “Blessed are the planetary ones … Theirs is the difficult task of transmutation of the base energies into that state of energy you call love,” minister Roley Asinobi pronounces with intonation

worthy of the Royal Shakespeare Company. We are guided through ‘The Twelve Blessings’, a series of teachings said to have been transmitted to the society’s founder, George King, through a number of ‘Cosmic Masters’, including an extraterrestrial called The Master Aetherius, and Jesus. King, who died in 1997, was a dedicated yoga practitioner who, after his communication with the extraterrestrial intelligences, went on to found the Aetherius movement in 1955. According to the Society’s official website, King then worked for two decades as the “Primary Terrestrial Mental Channel, recording more than 600 Cosmic Transmissions from the Space Masters”. All of this is way out of my usual mental comfort zone and I ask the very un-wacky looking Bennett (who has a degree from Cambridge) on what basis he accepts these beliefs. “Your soul will recognise it as true,” he says. “But there is also evidence.” According to believers, in 1986 King was warned of the Chernobyl disaster

”

by extraterrestrials four hours before it happened. In response, the Aetherius Society activated its ‘spiritual apparatus’ – physical machinery into which extraterrestrials channel energy that can then be directed by humans as needed. The society claims that the disaster was at least partially mitigated through this. Now Fukushima is the focus and followers passionately believe that their work is an active force for good. “It’s wrong to say that what we do isn’t practical,” Bennett says. “We’re just in a different position in the chain of help.” Believe in their claims or not, here, in this small room in West London, a group of earnest people are dedicating some part of their lives to doing what they can for Japan. I leave feeling humbled and just a bit gobsmacked at the unfathomable diversity of people’s beliefs in our openminded capital. Keep up the good work Aetheriuns.

» Find out more at the Inner Potential Centre, 757 Fulham Rd, SW6 5UT (020 7736 4187; aetherius.org)

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LONDON

Shamans claim to work as intermediaries between the human and spirit worlds. The practice is used to heal both physical and psychological illness. Particularly in Peru, a tourist scene has sprung up around Shamanic healing, largely because it often involves a natural hallucinogenic called Ayahuasca. Shamanism is flourishing in the UK. Retreats and workshops may involve perspiring in a ‘sweat lodge’, dancing yourself into a trance, discovering your spirit animal and (hopefully) getting off your face on Ayahuasca. See: shaman.uk.com

FOOD & DRINK

BAR REVIEW The Book Club â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;

LONDON

100-106 Leonard St, EC2A 4XS (020 7684 8618) Shoreditch High Street

THE SCENE Not bookish at all, The Book Club is young, buzzy and on-trend with a soundtrack featuring the best left-field indie from the last decade and a ping-pong

table that fits right in. THE GRUB Nachos are always a good barometer for the rest of a barâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s snack menu and The Book Clubâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, complete with homemade salsa, doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t disappoint. The calamari is also very good. BEHIND THE BAR An array of bespoke cocktails. We try the Pear Crumble which kicks like a mule both in flavour

and potency. Ditto the refreshing-yet-complex Nickyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Last Fling. BILL PLEASE With the most expensive cocktail costing ÂŁ7.50 and a good selection of wines at all prices you can drink in style without hocking your grandma. VERDICT A place for fun and frolics: why canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t more bars be like this? ALISON GRINTER

Restaurant Review Zilli Fish â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;

36-40 Brewer St, W1F 9TB (020 7734 8649; zillirestaurants.co.uk) Piccadilly Circus

BEST OF AL FRESCO DINING The Summerhouse A pop-up summer restaurant that has just opened in Little Venice. A great spot for a bite after a stroll along the picturesque canals. thesummerhouse.co.uk

The Waterway

Get your seafood fix

BEHIND THE BAR Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re spoilt for choice, with an expansive range of imported wine and beer. Best stick to the white when eating seafood, though.

BILL PLEASE Starters for about ÂŁ7 and mains for ÂŁ17 and up. VERDICT Smart, friendly service complements extremely tasty food in a fun part of London. TOM STURROCK

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0RKDZN 6SXU Southside Shopping Centre, Wandsworth. Tel: 0208 874 0831

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This Maida Vale landmark has a legendary outdoor terrace as well as a spectacular summer BBQ menu. One for a sunny afternoon. thewaterway.co.uk

Harry Morganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Established in 1948, this once tiny takeaway deli in St Johnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wood is now Londonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most famous New York-style deli. harryms.co.uk

TNT Images

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THE SCENE On the corner of Sohoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s busy Brewer St thoroughfare and Lexington St, Zilli Fish is this roomy, well-lit restaurant with an impressive aquarium behind the bar, staffed by attentive, friendly waiters. THE GRUB If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re crazy about seafood then it can sometimes be a struggle to get your fix in the UK, but Zilli offers a delicious range of fresh produce and exciting flavours. The Jersey oysters taste like theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve just come out of the sea, while the lobster is exceptional, if a little labourintensive, as lobster tends to be. And the swordfish steak, perfectly barbecued, is a real highlight.

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THE GREAT SEA BREAM Cook-off Our budding chefs go head-to-head in the kitchen before an expert judges their efforts and anoints a winner WORDS TOM STURROCK AND JAHN VANNISSELROY

here’s a well-worn expression – if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Never was the idiom truer, nor the kitchen hotter, than during the great sea bream cook-off. With master chef Andre Dupin offering his guidance – nodding approvingly at times, but mostly shaking his head in dismay – two of TNT Magazine’s finest strapped on their aprons and cooked up a storm. What they lacked in experience or expertise, they made up for in bravado.

TOM

THE TASTE OF HUMBLE PIE? JV: My girlfriend gives me a lot of good-natured stick for my overconfident efforts in the kitchen. My use of terms such as ‘sauteed’, ‘infused’, ‘complemented by’ and the less technical ‘oooh yeaa, that’s the taste right there’, provide a constant source of mirth. I’m a culinary magpie, gleaning shiny phrases and cooking tips from years of watching TV cooking shows, and this, I like to think, has

Hot in the kitchen

I’m at my best “ when the flame is fiercest ” helped me assemble a formidable gastronomical arsenal. TS: ‘Culinary magpie’? I’ve seen Jahn’s work in the kitchen and I think he’s been suckered by trinkets rather than treasure. I, on the other hand, consider myself a master grillman. In summer, people invite me over only to cook their barbecues – they ask me to leave immediately after, but that’s not the point. I’m at my best when the naked flame is fiercest; under this kind of pressure, I expect Jahn’s goose will be cooked.

Erin Chack TNT images

JAHN TAKES AN EARLY LEAD JV: It begins perfectly. Chef Andre is effusive in his praise of my mixing skills, which I assume after my less-skilled colleague proves ‘not capable with whisk’. 1-0 Jahn. Next, the knife work is easy. My blade rolls back and forth; a swift sword shaving the chilli for the salsa with an ease usually only seen on professional cooking shows. Andre is impressed. 2-0 and I’m now beginning to offer Tom pointers. It’s a recipe for disaster. TS: It begins badly. I am unfamiliar with these alien tools that look like they belong in a dwarf’s magic workshop – there is no need for a whisk when working the grill. Jahn proves admirably capable on the whisk, though, his small hands giving him a distinct advantage. In a heartbeat, I’m 2-0 down. It’s OK, though. This is merely an hors d’oeuvre to the main course of my culinary mastery.

THE RECIPE PAN -FRIE D SEA BREAM WITH BLACK OLIVE SALSA

hen

A joy to teach

A FISHY TALE TS: Confucius said that the way you cut your meat – fish in this case – reflects the way you live your life. And, clearly, the way I expertly de-bone and then score my sea bream reflects a firm but tender sensuality as well as a flawless attention to detail. Ladies, take note. Jahn, on the other hand, is beginning to battle. Like the All Blacks at a World Cup, his grasp of the basics deserts him on the big stage, when it matters most. JV: Eagle-eyed Andre notices my haste in plucking the bones from the bream – “it looks like the cat’s been at it” – and duly awards Tom a well-deserved prepping point. He gets another point for his cleaning up after I leave a drop of salsa on the bench. Suddenly it’s game on. OVERCOOKED IT! TS: With the fish lightly seasoned and sizzling satisfyingly in the pan, we put the finishing touches on our mashed potato base and black olive salsa. After the fish’s

skin crispens to a delicious golden-brown, it’s finished off in the oven. It’s nearly time to plate up – it’s go-time, the moment of truth. Chef Andre gives us some pointers on presentation but then steps away. May the best man win. JV: I lovingly shape the mashed potato and Matthew nods encouragingly as the salsa is artistically placed atop, forming a colourful focal point on an otherwise plain plate. But after I afford the bream some of the same love, he whips the kitchen mat out from underneath me, duly awarding Tom the winning point. “You had it until you fiddled with the fish,” is his rebuke. I limp away, albeit with a full belly, improved cooking skills and, most importantly, a smile on my face. It’s probably the only time defeat will taste so good.

» Jahn and Tom cooked at L’atelier des Chefs near Oxford Circus. Their Cook, Eat And Run classes are a great way to hone your cooking skills while learning how to prepare delicious food in your lunch hour. See atelierdeschefs. co.uk for details.

THE COMPANY Since being founded in Paris in 2004, L’atelier Des Chefs has helped thousands rediscover the joys of cooking. “We offer a 30-minute cooking class, the Cook, Eat And Run,” says managing director Tom McNeile. “This is designed to show everyone how easy, inexpensive and accessible great food is. All classes are taught by chefs who are permanently on my payroll at L’atelier

des Chefs UK and who have worked in senior positions in Michelin-star restaurants. “Classes range from British Gastropub classics to Italian to French to Baking to Sushi Making to Peruvian Masterclas ses and range from 30 minutes – which is one course, for £15 – through to our longest class, the Masterclas s for up to five or six courses.”

JAHN

LONDON

There’s no hiding in the kitc

Dice your olives and red chilli and mix them up with a squeeze of lemon and a splas h of olive oil. That ’s your salsa . Grab your sea bream fillet – make sure you remove the bones and score three times with a knife. Season the fi sh with salt and add to a pan preheated with sunflower or vegetable oil. Cook skin- side down until the edges turn brown and then transfer to the oven, heated to 200 degrees. While the fi sh is finishing, mash up your potatoes, adding pars ley and spring onions. Plate up the fi sh on top of the spud s, adding a drizzle of salsa and fennel.

SPOTTED ARE YOU SPOTTED IN THE CIRCLE?

LONDON

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NEW ZEALAND HOUSE Tonga Tourism ‘world’s maddest rugby fan’ campaign. Thursday, March 31 Photos by: Nicola Bellinfantie/TNT Images

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You should be thanking your lucky stars that there’s a girl prepared to sleep with you and stop trying to milk this career nonsense. Don’t kid yourself. Is your lame office job – where you just count stuff and write boring, badly punctuated emails – really that exciting? Men complain about women not knowing what they want, but I bet if this chick ditched you, you’d

TOOL OF THE WEEK Bad taste cupcakes

I was preoccupied with gluing fake trees to the landscape I had crafted from green felt. As the other men at the shelter slept, I sat up, testing and tightening the connections between the carriages. Now, at night, after lightsout, I still hear the clatter of its wheels in the low thrum of the guard’s cudgel along the bars; I hear its cheery whistle in the squeals from the next cell as a new couple consummate. Take care, my friend, for our deepest desires can destroy us.

Got a sex or relationship dilemma? Email dearreuben@ tntmagazine.com

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

# 423

INTERVENE WHEN RICKY PONTING THREATENS TO GO HOME BECAUSE MICHAEL CLARKE IS BULLYING HIM

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An Austrian baker could find himself behind bars after making a range of cupcakes adorned with Nazi imagery. Manfred Klaschka decorated his snacks with swastikas, a Messerschmitt plane and a stormtrooper’s helmet. Another bears the SS motto, while another shows a newborn baby giving the ‘Heil Hitler’ salute. Klaschka insists, though, that he was merely keeping a customer happy: “If someone ordered it, I’d create a Gaddafi cake.” At least he’s consistent.

Once, I had a job, I had spend the next month eating a girl – I had something cereal and watching old going. But I can trace the episodes of Scrubs, whinging unravelling of it all back to to your mates about how sad that one Christmas when she you are, like they give a shit. bought me a model train set. If some nerdy guy with bad I became obsessed. Even hair and bad shoes told me while my supervisor at the that “his career was his lumber yard berated me, all priority”, I’d be out of there I could think so quick. And of was getting I’d probably home and shag his best polishing its friend just little wheels. to teach him When my a lesson. girl slammed Unless he the front door was super-rich, on her way in which case out for the I’d probably A downbound train? last time, stick around.

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STAR SPOTTING Inger Smith WITH THE LATEST FROM THE WORLD OF SHOWBIZ

NEW ZEALAND

SHOWGIRL: She is usually the one to entertain others (especially in those famous taut gold hotpants), but last week it was Kylie’s turn to let the ladies of The Hurly Burly Show do the booty-shaking. The Aussie star apparently screamed and laughed as she watched the spectacle. Speaking to The Sun, she said: “It was nice to see some other showgirls on stage.” Kylie also tweeted: “Great show @TheMissPollyRae and the cast of @hurlyburlyshow.... T and A!!!!!” And if anyone knows about fine asses, it’s Kylie!

➩

Kylie is a fan of bosoms and bottoms

A GOOD WEEK FOR

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are planning a £13,000 circusthemed party for Suri Cruise’s fifth birthday, with elephants, giraffes and Alice In Wonderland characters at their LA home.

Getty Images

➩

A BAD WEEK FOR

Justin Bieber surprised mum Pattie with a cake on stage in Germany. But as the birthday girl leaned in to blow out the candles, her locks caught fire. Pretty hairy story, that.

LIZ HURLEY’S DOUBLE-LIFE Liz Hurley leads a busy life, it seems. In fact, she’s so busy she doesn’t only have one life like the rest of us. Nope, the Austin Powers actress is said to be living a double-life ...

Rumours about her separate lives began when Liz last week tweeted: “Apparently I’m getting married & moving to Australia. Wow, my fictional tabloid life is exciting!” She added: “Breathlessly awaiting next instalment ...” Yeah, that does sound

pretty exciting indeed. So what has Liz been up to in real life then? Well, a little later in the week, Liz returned to Twitter and wrote: ”Am clearing the woods today. Am bribing my son to help me. 50p for every big box of kindling wood he collects.’’ Doh, bo-o-oring! Sorry, Liz but we like your fictional tabloid character better. So, how many Shane Warnes are there and what have they all been up to lately?

SAY WHAT?

”’How are you?’ and ‘I want to work with Johnny Depp’.” Penélope Cruz says she only knew two phrases in English when she first arrived in Los Angeles in 1994. Well ... it worked!

Woman’s Weekly : TVpresenter Miriama Kamo is expecting a baby against all odds; and Shortland Street star Frankie Adams heads to Samoa for an emotional family reunion. New Idea: MasterChef cook Cameron Petley talks about the love for his kids.

AUSTRALIA New Idea: Media darling Lisa Curry moves to Paris with toyboy lover Joel Walkenhurst to support her daughter who’ll perform at the Moulin Rouge; and is Aussie actress Bella Heathcote tearing Brad and Ange apart? Woman’s Day: Blue Heelers’ actress Lisa McCune is loving the simple things in life – food, husband and children.

SOUTH AFRICA Heat: Singer Jacques Terre’Blanche reveals why he had to leave Survivor SA; plus celebrities and their battle with cellulites. You: Isidingo actress Hlubi Mboya is leaving the show, and spills the beans on the behind-the-scenes pay drama; and farmers face up to oil giants’ gas plans for the Karoo.

The Royal Wedding…Kiwi Style Dusting off your tiara in anticipation, having a right royal celebration of your own, or planning a less than regal street side camp-out to get the best view… If you’re a New Zealander planning something special for William and Catherine’s big day then, Television New Zealand would like to hear from you because we are planning special coverage of the Royal Wedding. Drop us a line at tvnz.wedding@gmail.com - include your contact details and let us know a bit about what you’ll be up to.

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ENTERTAINMENT

CELEBRITY NEWS

GLOSSY GOSSIP FROM HOME

“A sporting event for the community by the sports clubs of the community.” Supporting...

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LOOK WHO’S TALKING

The Aussie-born singer shot to fame as one quarter of Jonathan Ross’s 4 Poofs And A Piano. Now he’s flying solo with his own album …

ENTERTAINMENT

Stephen De Martin INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER There are some tracks on your debut album One Voice which seem like obvious choices like Peter Allen’s Not The Boy Next Door but others that don’t, like Kelly Clarkson’s Because Of You. Were you trying to channel your inner rock chick there?

A girlfriend of mine suggested that one. I saw Clarkson doing a live performance of it on YouTube and something about it just grabbed me and I thought, “ooh, I think I’m gonna have a go at that one”. It just the rawness and the intensity of the song, that whole thing of someone hurting you and you just get up, shake yourself up and start again. I just liked the whole drama of it, I suppose.

connotations for many people.

And for me too! I was bullied at school; the word “poof” can bring two reactions to me. But we have claimed it back and had a good laugh with it and in this post-PC world it’s OK to use it. But you’re right, it has raised some eyebrows over the years. Some gay groups thought we were putting the gay cause back a little bit but after a while they realised it was all in good fun and we’ve done a lot for gay charities. On Friday Night With Jonathan Ross you used to come up with camp little ditties for the guests – were some of the American guests like “WTF?!”

They didn’t quite get it, the poofs thing.

In this post-PC “ world, ‘poofs’ is OK to use ” Your fellow 4 Poofs members helped out on some of the songs. What was their contribution?

They help me out a little bit on three songs – they do ‘shoo-wops’ on Not The Boy Next Door, One Night Only and Love Will Keep Us Together. We’re still gigging together as 4 Poofs but it was funny to have them in on a project of mine that was my territory. I got to boss them around [laughs] ... but they never listen to me. Who came up with the name 4 Poofs And A Piano?

In 2000 we did a charity show at the Groucho Club and we needed a name so we tossed some around and 4 Poofs just slipped out and made us laugh. And it just stuck. You’ve claimed back the word “poof” in a way but it still has bad

Some of them were a bit perturbed by it. On the positive side Renee Zellweger was very pro-us. But I think [on the negative side] it was a fellow Aussie, I hate to say it, Russell Crowe. He wasn’t negative about us but I would say he was a guest who wasn’t always forthcoming if Jonathan wanted him to do something or be involved a gag. He was sweet to us; he didn’t throw telephones at us! Were you tempted by Tim Minchin’s offer to join the band and call it Five Poofs And Two Pianos, as in the song he wrote for you?

Oh God, I’d be there tomorrow! He’s amazing not only as a comic performer but as a virtuoso musician – he can do it all! But I’m not a fan of him going onstage barefoot. Look at the undercarriage of the foot and it’s always filthy. As a gay man that doesn’t sit well with me!

» Performing at Pheasantry Pizza Sloane Square, Express; SW3 4UT Thur, April 21. (pizzaexpresslive.co.uk/ popList) £20. Debut album One Voice out May 4.

YOU DON’T SAY? What’s your guilty pleasure? I do like the odd spot of gay clubbing in Vauxhall [laughs filthily] that’s all I’m saying. Ever been mistaken for someone famous other than yourself? I once got mistaken for a celebrity chef but I don’t even know who it was. I get a lot of: “You’re off the telly aren’t you?” Who would play you in the movie of your life? Hugh Jackman, cos he’s gorgeous and he can sing.

tntmagazine.com

ENTERTAINMENT

CINEMA

Red Riding Hood

SCREEN TEST: WEREWOLFS

Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman

STARRING:

CERT: 12A RT: 99 MINS

1 Which werewolf flick won the inaugural Academy Award for best makeup? 2 Which film is based on Stephen King’s novella Cycle Of The Werewolf? 3 Jack Nicholson starred in which werewolf movie? 4 Which film featured a race of werewolves called the Lycans? 5 What year did the first ever werewolf film premiere?

★★★★★

Hollywood will clearly try anything to make a quick buck. Re-imagining Red Riding Hood? Really? Are there no better ideas knocking around Tinseltown? Catherine Hardwicke’s take on the fairytale doesn’t cut it, either as a horror film or romantic drama. A wide-eyed Amanda Seyfried plays Valerie, a young woman who lives in medieval village Daggerhorn and is in love with woodcutter Peter (Shiloh Fernandez). Problem is her parents have promised the local blacksmith that she will marry his son, Henry (Max Irons). Valerie’s plan to run away with Peter is scuppered by the latest attack on a villager by a wolf that terrorises the

Amanda Seyfried on guard for the big bad wolf

community. When a famous hunter Father Solomon (Oldman) tells the town they are actually being stalked by a werewolf that walks among them, it results in a witchhunt. Hamstrung by a nonsensical plot, terrible dialogue and ropey special effects, Red

Riding Hood is laughably bad. Seyfried and Oldman put in charismatic performances but Hardwicke’s failure to ratchet the tension will leave you half asleep when the ludicrous finale arrives. GOOD FOR: Twilight fans.

Nemo 4 Shrek 5 Steve Buscemi

PIERRE DE VILLIERS

LAST WEEK’S WINNER Michelle Leon

THE REEL DEAL Melbourne actor Liam Hemsworth has landed a role in a film which has been dubbed the next Twilight series, The Age reports. The 21-year-old Neighbours and Home And Away star has won the role of Gale Hawthorn in the film adaptation of The Hunger Games, a futuristic sci-fi novel about 24 teenagers fighting to survive in a postapocalyptic world. The film version of the novel, part of a trilogy written by American author Suzanne Collins, has film pundits predicting it will be massive.

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS 1 Toy Story 2 Four 3 Finding

LITTLE WHITE LIES CERT: 15 RT: 154 MINS

Marion Cotillard

★★★★★

Director Guillaume Canet draws a wonderful performance out of real-life partner Marion Cotillard in a fine comedy drama about a circle of friends whose annual beach holiday is torn apart by growing tensions. Overlong and a tad melodramatic, Little White Lies has some genuinely funny and touching moments. GOOD FOR: Those who like character-driven films. PDV

YOUR HIGHNESS CERT: 15 RT: 102 MINS

★★★★★

Two brothers (James Franco and Danny McBride) go on a quest to save a virgin from the clutches of an evil wizard in David Gordon Green’s sporadically entertaining take on the fantasy genre. Despite some impressive CGI and a revealing turn from Natalie Portman as a sexy archer, there are just not enough good gags. GOOD FOR: Perving at Portman in a G-string. PDV Natalie Portman

Kimberly French, Getty Images

Aussie actress Abbie Cornish has bemoaned the dearth of good action roles for women in cinema. The 28-year-old onetime squeeze of Ryan Phillippe plays action heroine Sweet Pea in new big budget fanasy flick Sucker Punch. “There hasn’t been a film like this,” Abbie (pictured) said. “Hopefully in the future, it’ll be normal for females to do an action film. “Women can be just as strong and interesting in these roles.” Indeed, Cornish kicks ass in her new flick.

To win a copy of Monsters starring Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able, out on DVD and Blu-ray on Apr 11, email answers to grabs@ tntmagazine. com by noon, Wed with ‘Monsters’ in the subject line.

WIN

CULTURE THE UMBRELLAS OF CHERBOURG I’ve only seen a brief clip of the original 1964 musical but it had such poignancy that the tune has remained with me ever since. Emma Rice’s adaptation for Kneehigh doesn’t really pull off the magic, adding a superfluous framework and a trio of cheeky matelots which are strangely at odds with the innocence of the thwarted central romance between car mechanic Guy and his teenage sweetheart Genevieve. He’s called up to fight in Algeria, her mother (Joanna Riding) doesn’t approve, and life leads them

ENTERTAINMENT

SEE THIS: Theatre down divergent paths. Ironically it’s only the closing sequences and cabaret artist Meow Meow’s imported solo which truly evokes a sense of love lost. Elsewhere there’s too much striving for originality and no real chemistry between the lovers. LOUISE KINGSLEY

» Gielgud, W1D 6AR (0844 482 5130) Piccadilly Circus (umbrellasofcherbourg.com) until May 21. £19.50 - £59.50.

TNT online For more great ideas for culture in London log on to tntmagazine.com/londonlife

Andrew Durand as Guy and Carly Bawden as Genevieve

WORTH A LOOK Eve Ensler’s comedy drama The Vagina Monologues is performed entirely by a South Asian cast including Meera

Syal » Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX (southbankcentre.co.uk)

two one-act dramas •Stephen Berkoff presentsHammersmith. Apr 12-23. £25.

Waterloo. Sun, Apr 17. £25

including an Edgar Allen Poe tale in One Man: Tell Tale Heart/ Dog » Riverside Studios, W6 9RL (riverside.org.uk)

EXHIBITION OF THE WEEK

BOOKS OUT THIS WEEK

VERA LUTTER

A.A. GILL IS FURTHER AWAY

TWO GREEDY ITALIANS

A.A Gill

Antonio Carluccio

(W&N) APR 14

& Gennaro

Award-winning journalist A.A. Gill offers up another compendium of his best travel writing taken mostly from The Sunday Times, GQ, Tatler and Conde Nast Traveller.

Contaldo

Inspired by New York City’s light and architecture, German artist Vera Lutter began experimenting with photography and eventually hit upon the old-school technique of camera obscura, or pinhole camera. Her black and white photographs taken around the world render familiar

spaces such as shipyards and airports, as well as famous landmarks, in ghostly, alien tones. Case in point is her picture of the Pyramids which appears to transport them to the surface of the moon.

» Gagosian, 17-19 Davies St, W1K 3DE (gagosian.com) Bond Street. Apr 12-May 21. Free.

The Pyramids as you’ve never seen them before

(Quadrille) APR 14

Accompanying the titular BBC series, the two TV chefs embark upon a journey to their homeland to get past the cliches of Italian cooking.

EXTREME RAMBLING YOU ONLY GET Mark Thomas ONE LIFE (Ebury Press) APR 14

Brigitte Nielson

Political comedian Mark Thomas’s fascinating account of walking the length of Israel’s separation barrier. For fun. Throughout he was tear-gassed, stoned and arrested more than once.

(John Blake) APR 12

The Danish actress once married to Sylvester Stallone charts her journey from a troubled childhood in Denmark all the way to becoming a Hollywood star and supermodel.

MORE EXHIBTIONS Alice Anderson’s Childhood Rituals

includes sculptures and a dolls’ hair installation » Freud Museum, NW3 5SX (freud.org.uk)

•Such Stuff As

Finchley Rd, Apr 15-June 5. £6.

Dreams Are Made On: Young Artists From Palestine » AM Qattan Foundation Centre, SW5 0SW

Earls Court. Until Apr 21. Free.

tntmagazine.com

The good son: Emilio Estevez

Way Ahead While Charlie Sheen continues in his very public meltdown, brother Emilio Estevez is quietly getting on with the job of making movies WORDS PIERRE DE VILLIERS

“P

lease don’t mention Charlie,” implores the PR as I take my seat in a holding pen for journalists waiting to speak to Emilio Estevez. “If you ask about his brother it’s going to ruin the interview.” It’s hardly surprising that Estevez, in town to promote his latest directorial offering The Way, doesn’t want to talk

ENTERTAINMENT

Getty Images

Estevez in The Breakfa st Club

about his controversial younger sibling Charlie Sheen. From drug-fuelled parties with porn stars and drinking tiger blood to incoherent rambling at disastrous comedy shows, Sheen’s erratic behaviour has, over the last few months, completely overshadowed Estevez’s work as an actor and director. While tight-lipped on the subject today, Estevez recently described his brother as “emotionally crippled” and even drew on The Godfather: Part II as inspiration for how he’d like to deal with Charlie. “There are times, like these, when I want to take Charlie out for a boat ride,” he said alluding to the chilling scene where Michael Corleone has his hapless brother Fredo murdered. The actor’s workman-like approach to his career is certainly in stark contrast to his brother’s bizarre, rock star behaviour. While filming The Way – a drama about a father (played by Estevez’s real life dad Martin Sheen) who tackles the El Camino De Santiago in France and Spain after his son (Estevez himself) dies on the famous trail – Estevez was happy to rough it. “There were no fancy trailers and not even a director’s chair,” he says with a broad smile. “There were no luxuries and the actors got their hair and make-up done at the hotel. The whole shoot was a bit like a military operation, which was challenging but really enjoyable.” It’s not just on the movie set that Estevez prefers an unfussy environment. Back home in Los Angeles, the actor – who has been engaged to writer Sonja Magdevski since 2006 – gets his kicks by hiking around a nature reserve close to his Malibu home and he also loves tending to his garden and vineyards. “I grow my own Pinot Noir,” Estevez says proudly. “I grow a lot of my own food. I have chickens for eggs. It’s a living, breathing organism that’s producing all the time. We grew buds on the Pinot before we left so I’m anxious to get back to see how tall those buds have gotten. It’s

The father/son backpacking had seemed like such a good idea

like having 800 moody children – because celebrated its 25th anniversary last year, we have 800 vines that need our attention.” Estevez was the only member of the cast The downside of a hands-on approach who did not attend a special screening of at home is that Estevez doesn’t really the film in New York. get to indulge in one of his other “I’ve actually been criticised for not passions – backpacking. participating in reunions for some iconic “I long to put on a backpack and go,” films I’ve been in,” he says. “The thing is, he says. “The problem is, there is so when I got the job it was one of ten much to do at home, that if I were to go auditions I went to that day, including an away for a few weeks I would have to orange juice commercial and an episode forfeit a lot. of CHiPs. I just happened to get the job. It “I do fantasise about getting away and was one of three movies I did that year.” travelling, though. I dream about it. In Does that mean that being part of America we don’t have a gap year like you the Brat Pack is actually a burden? have in England, no moment of self“Probably, yeah,” Estevez says after a discovery, and I started working right long pause. “I’m pleased The Breakfast Club away from a young age.” has stood the test of time, but Those who grew up in the I think, for me, it is just 1980s will certainly another movie. I don’t remember Estevez’s early want to take the work in The Breakfast Club, St. experience away from Elmo’s Fire and Young Guns, anyone because the actor making a name for people have written himself as a member of the to me endlessly ‘Brat Pack’. about it, and that’s While all the attention at great. a young age could “But even when easily have sent him I’m making a film spiralling out of I am already in the control like his theatre watching it and brother, the star has eating popcorn. I’m remained grounded looking ahead.” by playing down » The Way, starring the importance of Emilio Estevez and his most famous Martin Sheen, is on performances. For general release from instance, when Wild man: Emilio’s younger bro May 13. The Breakfast Club Charlie is a bit of a sore point

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MUSIC

MUSIC & CLUBS

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

Arcade Fire, Mumford And Sons, The Vaccines Hyde Park, June 30 (0870 264 3333). £48. Belle & Sebastian Roundhouse, May 29 (0844 482 8008) £25.

FOO FIGHTERS

Bon Jovi Hard Rock Calling, Hyde Park, Jun 25 (hardrockcalling.co.uk). £66.

Wasting Light (Columbia)

FAST FORWARD

★★★★★

Let’s face it, the Foo Fighters were never ones to blaze a trail. When they crawled out of the hypodermic-needle strewn ashes of grunge in the mid 90s their metal-tinged, UFO-themed eponymous debut seemed like a blessed respite from some of the nihilism that had preceded them. Seven LPs on and the Foo Fighters’ formula of

Dave Grohl in full flow

propulsive guitars, easy on the ear melodies and lead singer/ guitarist Dave Grohl’s everyman appeal has altered little. Under the stewardship of producer Butch ‘Nevermind’ Vig there are few genuine outside-the-box moments, as on the demented, vox-

distorted White Limo; the album’s other standout tracks Rope, Arlandria and Back & Forth could be straight off the Foo Fighters’ production line. Still, Wasted Light is delivered with such energy and passion that it’s difficult not to be won over. ALISON GRINTER

ALSO OUT ALISON KRAUSS AND UNION STATION Paper Airplane (Decca)

The US bluegrasscountry artist returns with album No 14.

LOW

METRONOMY

C’mon (Sub Pop) New LP recorded in an old Catholic church in the indie rockers’ hometown of Duluth, Minnesota.

The English Riviera (Because) A move away from dance pop for the Devon act with this delicate ode to southwest England.

MUSIC NEWS Phil Rudd

Rock ’n’ roll ain’t noise pollution and it might even get you off a drug conviction as AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd found out last week. Rudd had his conviction for possession quashed by a New Zealand judge after arguing that it would prevent the heavy rockers from touring in countries

CHARTS

such as Japan and the US. Rudd, 56, was convicted for possession of 25g of cannabis in Tauranga in December 2010 but in a legal challenge his lawyer got the conviction wiped from Rudd’s record, The Bay Of Plenty Times said. “My client may be 56 but he is as motivated to be involved in the industry as he ever was. I ask you to allow him to continue his stellar career,” he said. The judge agreed and Rudd was discharged without conviction and ordered to pay NZ$1500 (£750) to cover legal costs.

Brisbane outfit The Grates are putting the finishing touches on their third album. The new album will be The Grates’ first studio release since drummer Alana Skyring left the band to pursue study culinary education, leaving remaining members Patience Hodgson and John Patterson The as-yet-untitled album is due out in June 2011.

The Grates’ original line-up

NEW ZEALAND

SOUTH AFRICA

No 1 single On The Floor, Jennifer Lopez Feat. Pitbull No 1 album Femme Fatale, Britney Spears

No 1 single Party Rock Anthem, LMFA No 1 album Maori Songbook, Dennis Marsh

No 1 single Born This Way, Lady Gaga No 1 album Afrikaans Is Big 3, Various Artists

No 1 single On The Floor, Jennifer Lopez Feat. Pitbull No 1 album 21, Adele

tntmagazine.com

John Butler Trio Shepherds Bush Empire, Jul 6 (0844 477 2000). £20. Deadmau5 Victoria Park, June 11 (0870 264 3333). £39. Fleet Foxes Hammersmith Apollo, May 31 (0844 844 4748). £23.50. Lenka Borderline, May 11 (0844 811 0051). £10. John Mellencamp Hammersmith Apollo, Jul 2 (0844 844 4748). £30-£75. The Naked And Famous Shepherds Bush Empire, May 20, (0844 844 0444). £14.50. Pulp Wireless Festival, Hyde Park, Jul 3 (0871 230 1094). £50. Springbok Nude Girls Shepherds Bush Empire, Jun 4 (08444 77 2000). £18. Sufjan Stevens Royal Festival Hall, May 1213 (0844 847 9911). £17-£24. Ryan Adams Barbican, Jun 19-20 (020 7638 8891). £22.50-£32.50. Seasick Steve Electric Ballroom, May 26 (0844 844 0444). £22.50. Paul Simon Hammersmith Apollo, June 28 (0844 844 4748). £30 Suede Brixton Academy, May 1920 (0844 477 2000). £29. Tame Impala Roundhouse, Jun 22 (0844 482 8008). £15 Dweezil Zappa plays Zappa Barbican, Nov 29 (020 7638 8891). £29.50

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AUSTRALIA

Jimmy Barnes Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Jul 2 (08444 77 2000). £27.

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MUSIC

GIG GUIDE MUSIC & CLUBS

Alison Grinter PICKS OUT THIS WEEK’S BEST LIVE MUSIC

GIG OF THE WEEK LYKKE LI Listening to her first album Youth Novels it was difficult to believe that Swedish pop star Lykke Li Zachrisson had her sights set on world domination a la Madonna. Produced by Björn Yttling, of Peter, Bjorn and John fame, it seemed a little bit too cutesy little-girl-lost for its own good but proved to be an international hit for the singer. And with her face all over Levis’ Curve ID Collection ad campaign and a new, edgy, atmospheric album Wounded Rhymes in the offing, Lykke Li seems well on her way.

» Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W11 8QE (08444 77 2000). Thur, Apr 14. £22.50

Shepherd’s Bush Lykke Li

CLOUD CONTROL

ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI

This Aussie group apparently met at rehearsals for Pirates Of Penzance but decided their chops were better suited for creating euphoric folk-pop steeped in mystic psychedelia. Musical theatre’s loss and our gain. They recently won the hallowed Amp prize for debut album Bliss Release which gets an airing this week.

The Melbourne modernists, led by Cameron Bird (pictured), continue to shake things up with their avant-garde approach to pop music while moving away from the quirky innocence which characterised their early albums. Their upcoming LP Moment Bends channels 80s synths and new wave for a more polished, grown-up sound.

» XOYO, 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP

Old Street

(0207 490 1198). Wed, Apr 13. £8.50

NEW BAND ALERT

(0207 490 1198)

FESTIVAL WATCH Tickets on sale now... Bilbao BBK Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Amy Winehouse and Chemical Brothers confirmed. Bilbao, Spain (bilbaobbklive. com). Jul 7-9. £96 Blissfields Frank Turner, Andy Burrows, Gold Panda, Man Like Me. Winchester (blissfields.co.uk), Jun 30-Jul 3. W/e tickets £65

Atoi

Getty Images, Thomas Skou

THE BUZZ SO FAR Atoi are a four-piece from Copenhagen whose

stock in trade is darkly melodic guitar-pop wreathed in 80s synth melancholy and with some leftfield beats thrown into the mix. WHAT ELSE? Formed in 2005, Atoi were unearthed by no less than Icelandic pop goddess Bjork, who featured their own sublime cover of her classic track Army of Me before releasing their debut album Youth Machines. THE PLUG Now Atoi’s first international album Waves Of Past Relations is about to drop (April 25) on burgeoning label Fake Diamond Records.

Old Street

Tues, Apr 12. £14

Camp Bestival Blondie, Mark Ronson And The Business Intl, Clare Maguire. Lulworth Castle, Dorset (campbestival.net). Jul 29-31, Weekend tickets £170 Download Festival System Of A Down, Linkin Park, The Darkness. Donington Park, Leicestershire (downloadfestival.com). June 10-12. W/e tickets £180

Latitude The National, Suede, Anna Calvi, Everything Everything, Chapel Club, Paolo Nutini. Henham Park Estate, Suffolk, (latitudefestival.co.uk). Jul 1417. W/e tickets £155 Lovebox The Wombats, Bag Raiders, Snoop Dogg, Scissor Sisters. Victoria Park, London (lovebox.net). Jul 15-17. Day tickets from £28.50 Spring Festival Caribou, Crystal Fighters, Jungle Brothers, DJ Yoda. Graz, Austria (springfestival.at). Jun 1-5. 4-day pass £80 Reading/Leeds Festival My Chemical Romance, The Strokes, Muse, Beady Eye. (readingfestival.com/ leedsfestival.com). Aug 26-28. W/e tickets £192.50

tntmagazine.com

MUSIC LISTINGS MONDAY 11

Lou Reed

from the London-based artist. O2 Academy Islington, N1 Centre, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.50.

MUSIC & CLUBS

The Barlights, Hello Bear

Wiley: Elusive Tour Grime

Melodic rock/pop/folk from the Norwich headliners.

Xtatic Soul and funk outfit Dover

Hope and Anchor, 207 Upper St, N1 1RL3 (020 7354 1312). £6.

St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

Jose Gonzalez And The Gothenburg String Theory Acoustica from the Swedish singer-songwriter and art collective. Barbican Centre, Silk

FRIDAY 15

St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15.

Alchemy 2011: Raghu Dixit

Hot Club Of Boisdale

World music and Indian folk from the musician. Southbank

Parisian swing inspired by Stephane Grappelli and Django Reinhardt. Boisdale Of

Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£20, concs £5-£10.

Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

I’m From Barcelona Commercial pop group from Sweden. Tabernacle Arts Centre, Powis Sq, W11 2AY (020 7361 3003). £12.50.

The James Last Orchestra The German composer leads his band for a showcase of big band, swing and classical. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £40-£60.

Kylie Minogue: Aphrodite Les Folies Tour 2011 The glamorous pop showgirl performs her hits and promotes her album Aphrodite. O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £65 & £85.

TNT’S TOP BOOKING

LOU REED Hammersmith Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH Hammersmith (0844 844 4748) Mon, Jul 4. £45 The curmudgeonly NYC legend and erstwhile The Velvet Underground frontman will be pitching up in London to run through his considerable back catalogue.

WEDNESDAY 13

Year Of No Light, Aluk Todolo, Menace Ruine

Beggar And Co, Central Line, Leee John, David Joseph, Junior Giscombe And Second Image The band plays funk. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £20-£40.

Big Country Celtic rock from the veteran outfit, performing hits such as Fields Of Fire and In A Big Country. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £22.50.

The Fortunes & The Ivy League Classic 1960s vocal harmony band. Broadway Theatre, Rushey Green, SE6 4RU (020 8690 0002). £16.50.

Tatcho Drom Traditional folk and Balkan Gypsy music from the London-based outfit. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12.

SATURDAY 16 Gilad Atzmon Quartet The renowned saxophonist is joined by pianist Frank Harrison, bassist Yaron Stavi and drummer Stephen Keogh. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

Hugh Cornwell London-born pop-rock singer-songwriter. O2 Academy Islington, N1 Centre, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.

DJ Yoda’s Stop, Look & Listen A live audio-visual performance by the turntablist and DJ. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £20, adv £16.

Grant Hart Alt rock by the American singer-songwriter and founder member of Husker Du. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £10.

Ian McCulloch Acoustic indie from the Echo And The Bunnymen frontman. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £22.50.

Buck 65 Alt hip-hop and

Noise-based rock band from Bordeaux. The Borderline,

turntablism by the Canadian artist. King’s College London Students’

Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

Groundhogs, Jay Tamkin Band Veteran guitarist Tony TS

the London-based combo. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £13.

Metronomy, Summercamp, Ghostpoet Electro-pop from

Teitur Folk-rock by the Torshavn and Copenhagenbased singer-songwriter.

The Jo Burt Experience

THURSDAY 14

McPhee leads his colleagues as they play their individual brand of psychedelia blues-

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.

Classic rock from the Londonbased singer-guitarist. Bull’s

Jocelyn Brown With The All Stars Collective North

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £16.50.

Prima Donna, Van Susans, Cav OK, Kites, Luke Girvan

Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Carolina-born soul singer.

The Icarus Club: Mishaped Pearls Atmospheric folk from

Glam-rock with a punky flavour by the Hollywood-based band. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq,

TUESDAY 12 Architecture In Helsinki Electro-pop from the Australian outfit. XOYO, Cowper

Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £10.

Cloud Control The Sydneybased band plays ecstatic indie-pop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £8.50.

St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £14.

The Feeling Classic modern The Blackout, The Swellers The sextet plays melodic heavy rock with elements of screamo. Koko, Camden High

guitar pop from the chart-topping London-based band. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £15.

St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £14.

David Cassidy Pop from the veteran singer and actor. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0844 844 4748). £39.50-£100.

The Head And The Heart Indie-folk from the American collective. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £10, adv £8.50.

Kings X The veteran

Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £20.

Steve Carlson, Darren Sher And Rosalee The Los Angeles-

Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £17.

Seun Kuti And Egypt 80, Donso Fela Kuti’s son performs

E1 6QL (020 7247 3479). £14.50.

from Jay Kay and his crew.

The Jim Jones Revue The retro revue quintet plays upbeat rock ‘n’ roll. Koko, Camden High St, Albert Lee And Hogan’s Heroes Leominster-born

from the vocalist and actress. from the Stockholm-based singer-songwriter. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.

Agnes Obel Indie-folk

J Mascis Alt rock from the veteran songsmith and Dinosaur Jr frontman. Relentless

from the Danish singersongwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge

Spunge The Midlands-based

Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £15.

Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £10.

four-piece performs ska-punk.

Ian Shaw And Gill Manly: Guilty Pleasures The singer-

O2 Academy Islington, N1 Centre, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £9.

pianist and gospel-style vocalist perform the songs of Nina Simone and Ray Charles. Southbank

Jim Moray Folk-rock from the Bristol-based multi-instrumentalist.

Nogabe Randriaharimalala The singer-songwriter and guitarist plays acoustic Afrobeat. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £20.

SUNDAY 17 Eric Benet R‘n’B and soul from the Los Angeles-based singer. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £25-£40.

Dana Gillespie And The London Blues Band Classic blues from the Londonbased singer. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul outfit.

Mexican Institute Of Sound, Axel Krygier

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Electronica, hip-hop and cumbia from the Mexico City-based outfit. Koko,

Today Is The Day, Retox The Maine-based

Mike Sanchez R‘n’B and rock ‘n’ roll from the guitaristpianist. Half Moon, Putney,

Alan Price Soulful pop-rock

band plays experimental metal and noise rock. The

from the former member of the Animals. Bull’s Head,

Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £12.

Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £12.

Submit your free listing at least three weeks prior to the publication by emailing gigs@pressassociation.com.

from Derry perform pop punkrock. Relentless Garage, Highbury

TNT online For full listings info go to tntmagazine. com/whats_on

Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £15.

The Ronnie Scotts Blues Experience The ensemble performs blues songs in a variety of styles. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £15-£32.50.

Sila Turkish pop by the Ankarabased singer, Sila Gencoglu. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £25-£39.

Getty Images

tntmagazine.com

Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). £28.50.

Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £14.

The Wiyos The trio plays Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £12, adv £10.

The Barcelona-based ninepiece band performs a fusion of flamenco rhythms, funk, punk and hip-hop. Barbican

Heather Peace, Jill Jackson, Midas Fall Pop and acoustica

Lykke Li Alt pop and electronica

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

The Undertones The five-piece La Linea: Ojos De Brujo

Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £18.

Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). £14.

Americana, blues and swing. The Slaughtered Lamb,

O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £37.50-£47.50.

Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS. £12-£22.

Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £18.

Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £18.50, concs £9.25.

Piano-led blues outfit.

country and rock ‘n’ roll guitarist and his band. Half

Steve Mason Commercial pop with a touch of folk from the London-based singer-songwriter. The

band plays rock. Electric

Eric Ranzoni Blues Band

Jamiroquai Funk and pop

dynamic Afrobeat. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £15-£20, concs £7.50-£10.

SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £10.

Rd, SE3 9RQ (020 8463 0100). £10.

based singer-songwriter performs pop-rock. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln,

NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £12.77.

Brooke Fraser Folk-pop from the Australian singer-songwriter.

the London-based sevenpiece. Blackheath Halls, Lee

A pril 17 17th th

RICHARD DINSDALE FATBOY SLIM’S NO.1 PRODUCER & Ministry Of Sound resident

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CLUB LISTINGS

MUSIC & CLUBS

MONDAY 11

TNT’S TOP BOOKING

DJ hitmaker David Guetta

Bite DJs Lydia, Ian, Marcus and Wade spin electro, leftfield indie, disco and pop.

DAVID GUETTA Brixton Academy, SW9 9SL Brixton (0844 477 2000; o2academybrixton. co.uk). May 6-7. £32. He’s produced hits for the Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna and Kelly Rowland. Can the Grammy-winning, chart dominating DJ do no wrong? We think not.

The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm3am. £3 & £5, free before 11pm.

Forca Brasil DJ Fred spins salsa, samba and Latin tunes, plus live bands. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 7.30pm-2am, last entry 1pm. £4, free before 9pm.

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last entry 1am. £4, free before 9pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

Kut DJs and bands play indie. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-1.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm, free before 9pm, guestlist free before 11pm.

Dance Nights Princess Karina

Gravity House, R‘n’B and commercial pop across three rooms, from residents The Oli, Alan K, Oliver M and Jamie Head. Fire, South Lambeth

Genius Leon, Arnaud Le

Diffrent Strokes DJs Phat Cat, Zay London, Lonyo and MOBO Award winner and Kiss FM DJ Manny Norte play neo soul, funk and R‘n’B. Cherryjam, Porchester

Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-8am. £10, £5 before 1am, w/flyer £3 before midnight.

St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 8pm-3am. £10, free before 10pm.

Rd, W2 6ET (020 7727 9950). 9pm-2am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

merengue, bachata and reggaeton, plus salsa dances lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd,

Everything Taboo DJ

WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last entry 1am. £4, free before 9pm.

and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Rehab DJs Haley, Dan and The Demonettes play indie, pop and electro. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm.

Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco.

Latin Krazy DJs spin salsa,

The Mink Revue Resident DJs

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The

Lounge, Woodford New Rd, E17 3PR (020 8509 6450). 8.30pm-late. £8.

Your Mum’s House

Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 9pm2am. £3, mems £2 before 10pm.

Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Latino Sound DJ Kirisis and CLI

Some Marcus Nasty,

play R‘n’B, hip-hop and dance.

Chefal, Spyro and Slimzee play dubstep, breakbeat, 2-step, garage and house. East

Bootcamp Rob C and Scewpulous play techno and house. Eagle, Kennington

Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010). 9pm-late. £5-£10.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-2.30am. £7, concs £5, £2 before 10pm.

Work! Old school funk, hip-hop, house and pop courtesy of Big John and Biggy C. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ

play blues, R‘n’B, funk, swing and soul, plus live burlesque and cabaret performances. RS

Scally Dandan and Jamie D Winter spin electro and fidget house. Punk, Soho St, W1D 3DN (020 7734 4004). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, £3 before 11pm.

FRIDAY 15 Bleep 43 Deep house and techno DJ sets from Osunlade and Patrice Scott, plus Kevin Reynolds plays live. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 11pm-7am. £15, adv £12, NUS £9.

(020 7820 6613). 11pm-4am. £6.

Panic! Max, Gaz and That Perfect Fumble play indie, electro and post-punk. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer/NUS £3.

Strum! The Cerberus Collective spin house, hip-hop, electro, reggae and dubstep, plus Jack Harris, SUPA3, Sir Duke and Zemmy perform live. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £7, £5 before 10pm, free before 8pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Marcus and Olly spin indie and electro, plus The Oscillation perform live. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 8pm-3am. £5, NUS £4.

WEDNESDAY 13

THURSDAY 14 Back To The Future Resident DJs spin dubstep, 1980s pop, electro and indie. The Borderline,

W3 6NG (0208 993 2915). 9pmlate. £10, ladies free before 11pm.

Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). 10.30pm-3am. £6, NUS £4.

Fabriclive Herve, Scratch Perverts, AD, Mumdance, Tomb Crew, Marco Del Horno, Marcus Intalex and Fatima play electro and techno. Fabric,

C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm-3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Fresh Greens Storm, DJ Steaz, Grem, Sifi, Sky B, Ed Greens and Mad Man Jeff play drum ‘n’ bass. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 8pm-2.30am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall.

Full Moon DJ Sole, Majestic MC, Rattus Rattus, DJ Phat and Ryan Selsdon play house, dubstep, trance, electro and dance.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3am. £6, NUS £5, w/flyer £4.

The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-3am. £7, £6 before midnight, £5 before 11pm, adv £5.

Cheapskates Old school

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Euphoria Angel Kiss, Oliver MARSH, Intro, Marc Phill, MEF and DJ AD play electro, dance and R‘n’B. Euphoriom, High St,

Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-6am. £16, adv £15, NUS £10, £7 after 3am, adv £20 inc CD.

The Gallery Roger Shah, Sister Bliss, Sean Tyas, Arnej, Manuel De La Mare, Gavyn Mytchel and Hemmisphere DJs spin trance, progressive house, deep house and electro. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-7am. £15, adv £13, NUS/mems £10, £8 after 3am.

City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). 10pm-4am. £7, £6 before 11pm.

Echo 12th Birthday Boat Party Uplifting house, trance, tech and progressive house from Mark Landragin, Dom Richards, The Dark Omen and Sam Ho in room one, while Tristan8, SYFI and Balofo supply funky house and electro in room two. Temple Pier, Victoria Embankment, WC2R 2PN (07958 650117). 4.45pm-11pm. £20.

Fabric Magda, Sebo K, Kate Simko, Taimur Agha, Ryan Elliot and Maratrax play disco, house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm8am, £19, adv £18, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, £6 after 5am, adv £23 inc CD.

Get Punked Jason Taylor spins house, electro, R‘n’B and chart hits. Punk, Soho St, W1D 3DN (020 7734 4004). 10pm4am. £20, ladies free before 11pm.

Kinky Malinky Stafford Machine Rolando, Ben

The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm3am. £5, free before midnight.

TUESDAY 12

Texier, Luke Donington, Irtelli & Gus and Natalie Coleman supply tech-house, tribal, minimal and deep house. Cargo, Rivington

Dick And Fanny Jim Stanton, Kim Anh, Michelle Manetti and Ben Addict play classic house, disco, Italo and techno. The

Sims and Kirk Degiorgio play techno. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 10pm-3.30am. £10.

Brothers, Kid Massive, Grant Richards and Kids Of Funk supply uplifting house and electronica. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-6am. £20, adv £15.

On The Real Spin Doctor, DJ 279 and Chris P Cuts spin hip-hop, plus the Jamaican-British rapper Klashnekoff performs live. Plan B,

The Loose Cannons

Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 10pm-4am. £10, adv £6.

Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-2am. £10, free before 9pm, guestlist £7 before 11pm.

Roller Disco Old school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

Soulberries Olivier Garth spins electronica, funk and breakbeat. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

Tales Of The Unexpected Electro, indie and hip-hop from Dixon Brothers and Bloody Awful Poetry. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10, £8 before 9pm, w/flyer £5 before 9pm, adv £5.

Warm Mark E and Cottam supply house and techno. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 10pm-4am. £10.

SATURDAY 16 Bootylicious DJ Biggy C plays house, pop, R‘n’B and hip-hop. Club Colosseum, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5NQ (020 7720 3609). 11.30pm5.30am. £13, £10 before midnight, NUS £7, NUS £6 before midnight.

CasaLatina DJ Ana Paula, DouGuim, Mikey D, DJ Junior, Dusty O, DMS, DJ Carioca, Thais Carioca and DJ Ariel spin Latin, house and Brazilian funk. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-6am. £12, adv £10.

The duo plays electro and house. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain

Ride DJs Amp & Deck, Filthy Few, Salena Mastoianni and Jay Karim play electro and hip-hop, plus live burlesque and cabaret acts. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10.

Saturday House Clique spin house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 6pm-midnight. Free.

X-Side Music Polish hiphop from DonGuralEsko, DJ Hen and WJDN. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 9pm-4am. £15.

SUNDAY 17 Groove Sanctuary AfricanLatin, electronica, funk, disco and deep house from DJ Jimbo (Raw Deal), Joey Vieira and guests. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 9.30pm-3am. £5, £3 before 11pm.

SLAGS/Chill-Out Dance anthems and commercial house from Simon Le Vans, Andy Almighty and Sean Sirrs. Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Kennington Ln, SE11 5HY (020 7820 1222). 2pm-midnight. £8, £5 after 7.30pm.

Sunday Richard Dinsdale spins house and techno. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 4pm-11pm. Free.

WetYourSelf Cozzy D, Tomoki

Submit your free listing at least three weeks prior to the publication by emailing clubs@pressassociation.com.

Tamura, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.

CLUBBING

CLUB GUIDE MUSIC & CLUBS

Natasha Vuckovic PICKS OUT THIS WEEK’S BEST CLUB NIGHTS

CLUB OF THE WEEK DJ YODA’S STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN This is one of those “feast for the senses” nights where the audio comes with a generous side of eye-popping visuals. Following such efforts as DJ Yoda Goes To The Movies and Magic Cinema Show, Stop, Look and Listen is DJ Yoda’s latest show. Using some newfangled DVD mixing equipment and mashing the visuals together live with an amalgamation of every-genre tunes, DJ Yoda takes the clubbing experience to another dimension.

» Koko, 1A Camden High St NW1 7JE

Mornington Crescent (0870 432 5527, koko.uk.com). Sat, Apr 16. From 9pm. £16 DJ Yoda pigging out

BLOW PRESENTS PENDULUM

AUDITORIUM PRESENTS NORMAN JAY

Well, it’s not technically Pendulum ‘cos it’s just one of ‘em, but promoters will say anything to fill the dance floor, right? One sixth of the Aussie band, Paul ‘El Hornet’ Harding, plays a DJ set at Egg this week for a night of dirty, grimy drum ’n’ bass and dubstep.

From his infamous Notting Hill Carnival parties to his MBE for his services to music, Norman Jay is one of the most respected DJs in the world. He’s been around for donkey’s and he’s still rocking dancefloors across the globe. Catch him in the cracking, intimate venue, The Westbury.

» Egg, 200 York Way, N7 9AP (020 7609 8364, egglondon.net) King’s Cross. Fri, Apr 15, 10pm-7am. £10 adv, £15

» The Westbury, 34 Kilburn High Rd, NW6 5UA (020 7626 7500; westburybar.com). Kilburn High Road . Fri, Sat 15, 8pm-3am Free before 9am, £5 after.

WIN

We have a pair of tickets to DJ Yoda at Koko on Saturday, April 16, and Blow at Egg on Friday, April 15 to give away. To enter, email grabs@tntmagazine with ‘DJ Yoda’ or ‘Blow’ in the subject line by noon, Wed April 13.

CLUB NEWS Forget about those boring ordinary sat nav voices directing you home. Synthysounding Canadian duo Chromeo have written and recorded 55-mini songs to direct you all the way home, singing directions on top of electro beats. You can download it free compatible Nokia phones at nokiaownvoice.com/ chromeo). It’s official – directions have never sounded so cool. Swedish House Mafia aka Axwell, Steve Angello and Sebastian Ingrosso have released an iPad app which includes nine full tracks, video excerpts from their Take One documentary, an interactive black and white photo gallery

Chromeo

of more than 150 photos, a first-person written account from the band on their journey so far and the people and places that have helped shape it. And all this for a very reasonable £5.99. A free Swedish House Mafia app for iPhones is also available, which includes news, videos, live date details, videos and social media feeds.

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WORLD VIEW strange tales from around the globe New Zealand

WOWSERS NOT HAPPY The Hell Pizza company has outraged sensitive Christians with billboards advertising hot cross buns accompanied by the slogan: “For a limited time. A bit like Jesus.” Instead of the traditional Christian cross, the buns bear an inverted pentagram, a symbol associated with Satanism. Lloyd Ashton, a spokesman for New Zealand’s Anglican Church, condemned the advertising campaign. “It’s disrespectful to what a lot of people hold very dear,” he said. “They’ve dared here to take a clumsy poke at something that numbers of people hold sacred.” Warren Powell, a director of Hell Pizza, defended the campaign, saying: “We may bring them back next year, and everyone’s saying that Jesus Christ is coming back one day,” he told the New Zealand Herald. A bit like Jesus?

TWEETS OF THE WEEK follow @tntmagazine @Sarah_Javier (Sarah Javier) Dear God, Give us back Kurt Cobain and we’ll give you Justin Bieber RIP Kurt Cobain ! :( 7 years now! @michaelianblack (Michael Ian Black) I question whether anybody has actually eaten their hat after incorrectly predicting an outcome! @davidschneider (David Schneider) Surely the Player of the Year has to be Charlie Sheen #PFA

Mexico

YOU GET THE HORNS

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– my way of being immortal – and the horns I have are a symbol of strength and were implanted without anaesthetic,” Cristerna said. “I had the fangs done because I loved vampires as a little girl and I changed the colour of my eyes so they were how I really wanted them to be.”

US$44.1bn (£27bn), put him ahead of Carlisle Cullen, from the Twilight series, who was worth a piffling US$36.1bn (£22bn). Tony Stark from Iron Man, Smaug from The Hobbit, Montgomery Burns and Gordon Gekko also made the list. United States “Net worth estimates are based on an analysis of the fictional character’s source material, Forbes Magazine has named its and where possible, valued Fictional 15 – a list of the richest madeagainst known real-world commodity and share price up characters – and, given he had movements,” a magazine a money pit so full of gold he could spokesperson said. swim in it, there’s no real surprise that Right, so it’s all totally Scrooge McDuck came in top. You won’t get a loan scientific. Good to hear. McDuck’s wealth, estimated at

MCDUCK TOPS RICH LIST

from this duck

Getty Images, Thinkstock

Maria Hose Cristerna, a mother of four from Mexico, has had titanium horns implanted to complete her ‘vampire mother’ look. The 35-year-old also has specially shaped vampire fang teeth, fake eye colours and massive earrings – not to mention tattoos that cover her entre body. “Tattoos were a form of liberation for me

OMG, she’s being ironic: Protesters gathered at the National Mall in Washington DC to show their support for Planned Parenthood, a controversial organisation disdained by conservatives and in danger of having its funding cut.

WEEK IN NUMBERS

Czech Republic

GAY CAVEMAN OUT OF CLOSET

20,000

Pounds spent by British dog freak Louise Harris on a wedding ceremony for her beloved pooch, Lola. Vulgar

Days since gamma-ray explosion in a distant galaxy was first noticed. It’s still going, leaving scientists baffled

Watch out for those split ends

crops in New York in terms of crop value.” But Michael Nozzolio, a Republican from Seneca County, insists the honour must be bestowed on the sweetcorn. “Sweetcorn is one of the most important vegetable crops produced in New York state in terms of acreage, crop value and number of producers,” he said. Controversially, some onion loyalists have claimed that sweetcorn is in fact a grain and is therefore ineligible.

P38 Hillsborough tragedy P43 Kids and punishment

Sweden

6,000

Miles travelled by a balloon, released by British kids on New Year’s Day, before being found by a man in Laos

717

Detentions given, in the space of four days, by a Cambridgeshire headmaster in a bid to improve students’ behaviour

Weight, in stone, of Cassie, a Collie believed to be the UK’s fattest dog. She eats only crisps and chocolate. What is it with these people and their spoilt pets?

HONEYMOON IS OVER

Battlelines are drawn

United States

ONION V SWEETCORN An intense political battle is shaping in New York as dispute rages over whether the onion or the sweetcorn should become the state’s official vegetable. The apple is its official fruit, the rose its official flower and the beaver its official animal, so the gloves are off for the last remaining spot. David Carlucci, a Democrat from an onion-producing region, insists: “Onions are one of the most important vegetable

A Swedish couple embarked on a three-month honeymoon in December, only to run into natural disasters everywhere they stopped. Stefan and Erika Svanstrom flew to Cairns in time for cyclonic storms, before heading south to Brisbane, only to turn back because of flooding. On to Perth, where they narrowly escaped bushfires, before heading to Christchurch, just in time for the earthquake that devastated the city. And finally, they headed north to Tokyo, just days before the nation was rocked by an earthquake and a tsunami. Stefan Svanstrom, who also survived the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004, said his marriage had already been tested: “I know marriages have to endure some trials, but I think we have been through most of them.”

Thinkstock, Getty Images

And finally... GET YOUR FIX Researchers from the University of Maryland have found that students suffer physical distress, panic, confusion and extreme isolation when forced to unplug from

technology for a day. One student described their withdrawal symptoms as similar to “itching like a crackhead”. These students sound like stupid little hipsters.

Kids need porn

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

I love stoner “comedies. I smoked weed in college, but I haven’t smoked in years. I’m too old now. I’m in bed by 10pm

”

Natalie Portman, for what it’s worth, we would definitely have gone to the offie to get you some Minstrels and a frozen pizza.

NEWS & SPORT

Archaeologists have unearthed the 5000-year-old remains of what they insist is the world’s oldest known gay caveman. The skeleton was found in a Prague suburb in the Czech Republic with its head pointing eastwards and surrounded by domestic jugs, rituals previously seen only at female graves. “From history and ethnology, we know that people from this period took funeral rites very seriously so it is highly unlikely that this positioning was a mistake,” said lead archaeologist Kamila Remisova Vesinova. “Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation, homosexual or transsexual,” she added. Not sure. So he had a thing for kitchenware. Doesn’t mean he was gay.

YOU’LL NEVER

WALK ALONE

Terrified fans died on their feet at Hillsborough in 1989; below, hoardings used as stretchers

This week is the 22nd anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster – its implications are still felt today by football fans WORDS TOM STURROCK

he scenes seared themselves immediately into the collective consciousness of the British public, particularly those with an interest in football. On April 15, 1989, Liverpool were playing Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup semi-final at Hillsborough stadium. Minutes after kick-off, Liverpool supporters behind the goals began breaking through the barricade and pouring on to the pitch. Liverpool captain Alan Hansen approached an invader and told him to get off, because the club would get in trouble. Hansen, now a BBC commentator, recalls: ”He looked me right in the eye and said, ‘There’s people dying in there, Alan’.” That day, 96 Liverpool fans lost their lives in the crush at Hillsborough.

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THE CRUSH Before kick-off, a bottleneck had formed outside the stadium as late-arriving fans tried to gain entry. A side gate was opened to relieve the congestion, resulting in thousands of fans rushing into the stadium – instead of being directed to less full sections of the ground, fans hurtled down a tunnel into an area already exceeding its capacity. The images of the ensuing crush are truly nightmarish, with many of the victims asphyxiated on their feet. Some fans were hauled upwards to safety by supporters in the terrace above them, while others tore holes in fences to escape. Eventually, though, the barriers broke and supporters spilled on to the ground. Fans ripped down advertising hoardings

to use as stretchers but a police cordon set up to prevent rival supporters from clashing refused to let people through, meaning waiting ambulances could not be utilised.

THE FALL-OUT No one has been prosecuted over the horrendous mismanagement that led to the Hillsborough disaster. Survivors and families of those killed blamed police inaction or, at least, the failure of officers to direct crowds away from sections already full.

Clockwise from bottom left: fans remember those who died; supporters spilled on to the pitch to escape the crush; The Sun remains a Merseyside pariah

NEWS & SPORT 39

Images of “ the crush are nightmarish

Getty Images

”

One knock-on effect, though, is the removal of fencing, or pens, at grounds, as well as the conversion to all-seater stadiums. Journalist Peter Sands worked on The Northern Echo at the time of Hillsborough and recalls his paper’s coverage on the disaster. “The picture that came through for us was the picture of fans being crushed and it was the moment of death for some of the young people,” he says. “We published under the heading ‘never forget’ and received an awful lot of complaints – some people said it was too raw.” “But the consequence of Hillsborough was that it cleaned up football. After that, nobody will ever fence people in.”

THE BOYCOTT Today in Liverpool, some newsagents refuse to stock The Sun. Its Merseyside circulation figures remain poor and the club’s website refuses to publish its articles. Some Liverpudlians refer to it simply as The Scum. The hostility stems from The Sun’s coverage of the Hillsborough tragedy – on its front page, under the headline, ‘The Truth’, the paper accused Liverpool fans of urinating on police and stealing from the dead. “It was particularly raw and harrowing, coming as it had on the back of other football tragedies at Heysel and Bradford,” Sands says. “If you’re working on a paper in Liverpool, then you have an interest in keeping that story going – people do make mistakes and it was a long time ago.” The Merseyside boycott continues today, despite The Sun issuing an apology in 2004. Kelvin Mackenzie, the editor responsible for the coverage, remains unrepentant.

THE KOP FAVOURITE There is no more talismanic figure at Liverpool than Steven Gerrard. It would be overstating it to suggest his standing at Anfield stems from his personal involvement with the Hillsborough disaster, but it seems likely the death of his 10-year-old cousin, when Gerrard himself was 8, shaped his connection to the club. “It drove me on to become the player I am today,” he has said. “As a football club we’ve stuck together since that day. We’re not just about what happens on the pitch, we’re all together off the pitch as well.” King of The Kop: Steven Gerrard

OZ VIEW

Big Tobacco prepares for long war ■ PLAIN PACKAGING LAWS SEND MANUFACTURERS RUNNING SCARED The tobacco industry has vowed to challenge new federal government legislation unveiled last week making it compulsory for cigarettes to be sold in plain packaging. Under the proposed laws, cigarettes would have to be sold in sludgy, olive-green packets emblazoned with health warnings against the risk of smoking. “This plain packaging legislation is a world-first and sends a clear message that the glamour is gone – cigarette packs will now only show the death and disease that can come from smoking,” health minister Nicola Roxon said in a statement. “The new packs have been designed to have the lowest appeal to smokers and to

make clear the terrible effects that smoking can have on your health.” Cigarette manufacturers criticised the plan, insisting there was no credible evidence that plain packaging would reduce smoking rates. “Plain packaging has not been introduced in any country in the world and there is no evidence to support the government’s claim that this will reduce smoking,” Imperial Tobacco said in a statement. The tobacco industry voiced concern over the effect of plain packaging, insisting black-market sales would be stimulated while tax coffers would lose out on billions of dollars.

Anti-smoking groups, though, were unanimous in their praise for the plan, intimating that the tobacco industry was running scared. “Our research shows that the look of the pack is an important consideration for young people at risk of being drawn to smoking,” Cancer Council chief executive Ian Oliver said in a statement. “The tobacco industry’s ferocious opposition to plain packaging shows that they know how effective it will be,” a spokesman for the Australian Council on Smoking and Health said. “They also know that once Australia has shown the way, other countries will follow.”

IN BRIEF RUDD MOCKS CLAIMS HE WANTS JOB BACK Foreign minister Kevin Rudd has poured scorn on suggestions that he has designs on his old job – the prime ministership – after touring marginal electorates to sure up support for Labor MPs. “That is not a faint prospect of a possibility, let’s just get a bit real about all of this,” Rudd told reporters, insisting his meeting-and-greeting appearances were par for the course. “I’m no different from any other minister, whenever a local member of parliament asks me to go out and campaign for them I do. I’ve been doing that for about 20 years in one form or another,” he said. “Everyone does that, that’s what we’re required to do.”

EXTINCTION INDEX TO SAVE AT-RISK ANIMALS

Archibald contenders on show Gallery-goers flocked to the Art Gallery of NSW, where the 41 finalists in the prestigious Archibald Prize are on display. Here, two women check out a piece called My Name Is Fartunate. The Archibald Prize is regarded as Australia’s important portraiture award and this year’s finalists include paintings of actors Cate Blanchett and Hugo Weaving.

And finally... BLAME THE KEYS

tntmagazine.com

said the motorist bent down to pick up his keys, which had dropped to the floor of the vehicle, causing him to drive into the Iron Cove Bay near Drummoyne. Idiot.

Too good to stay away

Getty Images, Thinkstock

A Sydney motorist who lost control of his fourwheel-drive and crashed it into one of Sydney Harbour’s bays was distracted by his keys. A NSW Police official

Australian scientists has developed a new index that measures how close species are to extinction, in the hope new data could prevent some animals from dying out. Corey Bradshaw, from Adelaide University’s Environmental Institute, said the Species Ability to Forestall Extinction (SAFE) index showed how close species were to the minimum number needed to survive. “If an animal is so rare and it’s going to take a lot of money and resources and could be impossible to restore because the habitat is not there, like the Javan rhinoceros, it might not be worth saving,” Bradshaw said. “It’s controversial, but when you have a finite amount of resources, one species might be more likely to be brought back from the brink.”

NZ VIEW MAORI PARTY LEAVES HARAWIRA TO RUN The Maori Party is ruling out standing against Hone Harawira in his Te Tai Tokerau electorate – for now. Maori Party stalwarts have been hunting for a candidate to contest Harawira’s seat, which could breach a deal struck between the party and its former MP. When Harawira quit in February, the party agreed it would not stand against him for November’s election, and if he formed a new party, he said he would not challenge the Maori Party’s MPs. Maori Party president Pem Bird said party loyalists looking for candidates was “to be expected”, but the decision was up to the party council. “People up in Te Tai Tokerau are wondering what’s happening and keen to participate in the whole process, but that would be council business.”

Sweet tree house, bro: Jono Williams, a 23-year-old man from Palmerston North, was obsessed with building tree houses as a kid, but has since taken it a step further, building a pimping hut with hammocks, electricity and a sound system.

Kiwis target thirsty China

Getty Images, The Best Hut blog

■ TASTE FOR RED WINE COULD HURT PRODUCERS Export sales of Kiwi wine to China are booming, but a preference for red grape in that developing market may eventually hurt New Zealand producers, who specialise mainly in white wine. “In terms of New Zealand wine producers, the future promise of China is somewhat tempered by the bias towards red wine consumption and a lower level of consumer recognition of New Zealand wine at this stage,” said senior analyst Marc Soccio, who authored a quarterly report on wine exports. The scale and durability of the growth in Chinese demand for grape wine in recent

years has been remarkable in a global environment afflicted by weak consumer spending. In China, red wine has become a status symbol to demonstrate wealth and good taste and has become a popular feature of banquets, where men drink competitively. But despite the bias towards red wines, the combined markets of Hong Kong and China now ranks as New Zealand’s fifth largest export market and the most lucrative major market by some margin. The annual value of New Zealand wine exports grew 6.9 per cent to NZ$1.41bn (£667bn) in 2010.

Hone Harawira

DIY CANCER TEST DEEMED UNSAFE The New Zealand Medical Association (NZMA) claimed it has “serious misgivings” about a new at-home bowel screening programme. Beat Bowel Cancer Aotearoa launched its fecal occult blood test kits, available from pharmacies for NZ$59.99 (£28). The kit includes brushes and test cards so people can collect a fecal sample and send it to a lab in Sydney for testing. NZMA chairman Peter Foley said the programme was set up without consultation with the medical profession. “GPs are better placed to provide this service as they are aware of a patient’s history, which is a very important part of screening,” he said. “The test itself is only part of screening. The patient’s history and an understanding of false negative and false positive results need to be managed.”

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NEWS & SPORT

IN BRIEF

UK Sports Club revolutionises participation sports Season 2 registration now open for Netball & Touch Venues: Across London (Some Venues Sold Out) Date: Starts 3rd May

Team Cost £325 - £360 Individual Cost £35 - £40

www.uksportsclub.com

OUR VIEW TNT puts the world to rights

Aidan Elliot, 8, (inset) was pepper sprayed by police at school. Could similar punishments, like tasers, help kids learn right from wrong?

Jahn Vannisselroy jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

Getty Images, YouTube

id you hear the one about the US kid who was being naughty at school? The brave, life-on-the-line police arrived, pepper sprayed him and defended their actions with the accusation that eight-year-old Aidan Elliot told them: “I am going to kill you motherfuckers.” Not much of a punchline but true all the same. The story of lucky little Aidan of Colorado made me feel a trifle ripped-off at the boring punishments administered when I was at school. Sit in the corner. Get sent out of class. Write some lines. I was always envious of the pupil who was hung on a coat hook, some distance off the floor, for 20 minutes by his teacher. The red marks around his throat meant he was the most interesting kid in the playground that week. And he now knew just how strong his neck actually was. Aiden will be able to cash in, and learn, bigtime from his episode. Not only has his playground cred risen tenfold (‘the kid who could only be stopped by the law’), he’s had a real-life science lesson on the effects of pepper on the sinus. Can’t buy that sort of experience. Colorado’s finest are on to a winner. They should consider using the tools of their trade to enhance the educational progress

of other children. Got a slow, understimulated child in the class? Bring in the taser and give him a 50,000-volt jolt. Fat kid? Bit lazy? Too much PS3? Dogs. Nothing like a barking alsation in full gallop to spark some physical motivation. Bin the Ritalin for the ADHD kid – just handcuff the little wriggler up. He’ll exhaust himself in no time. And house repeat offenders in a cage on the field, where they’ll learn firsthand about hierarchy and develop an all-important survivalof-the-fittest mentality. Like little Aidan, they will all surely grow to be well-adjusted citizens with absolutely no resentment of authority and a respect for the firm-but-fair arm of the law. Yep, in their ineptitude the Colorado police got it right. Adult punishments for children make the world a far better place.

A SINGLE SCOOP OF BEAVER ANAL GLAND, PLEASE Jamie Oliver’s revelation that vanilla ice-cream contains the secret ingredient ’beaver anal gland’ means it’s unlikely many will be able to enjoy it ever again.

It’s enough to “make you grow your own food ” Apparently, castoreum, as it’s euphemistically known, has been added to the frozen confection, and other sweet treats, for more than 80 years. Oliver gave away the secret on the Late Show With David Letterman, forcing millions of Americans to choke on their

oversized portions of the dessert. Many were only just getting over the urban myth that pig fat is used in its creation. What’s next? Crushed beetles in red food colouring? Calf stomach in cheeses? Sheep secretions in bubble gum? Yeah, well, all those things are already happening. Oliver’s latest revelation, and a little research, is enough to make you want to live in the country and grow your own food. Or at least use the three words to start your own website. Beaver. Anal. Gland. Something there for all persuasions really. Think of the web traffic you’d attract.

P10 Aliens over Japan? P72 Surf worldwide

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NEWS & SPORT

Bad? It’s just a tase he’s going through

SPORT VIEW bite-sized action and analysis Rugby league

BENNETT RULES OUT RETURN TO BRONCOS The much-speculated return of super-coach Wayne Bennett to the Brisbane Broncos fizzled last week, with Bennett ruling out a reunion once he leaves St George-Illawarra at the end of this season. Instead, Brisbane extended the contract of incumbent Anthony Griffin, acknowledging that they had failed to coax Bennett back to the club where he won six premierships. As a result, the race for Bennett’s services has narrowed to two clubs, with the Newcastle Knights and South Sydney Rabbitohs eagerly pursuing him. Both clubs boast cashed-up benefactors, with Russell Crowe bankrolling the Bunnies and mining magnate Nathan Tinkler ensuring his beloved Knights are now flush.

P14 The great TNT cook-off P52 Appearances at work

Cricket

COLLUSION ALLEGED IN ‘MONKEYGATE’ Former International Cricket Council boss Malcolm Speed has included in his memoirs allegations that the Australian and Indian boards colluded to defuse the racial tensions that marred the 2007-08 Test series between the two nations. Australian all-rounder Andrew Symonds accused Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh of calling him a monkey but, according to a letter written by Justice John Hansen, the judge appointed to hear the appeal, both boards acted to avoid an ugly scandal. ‘’Although both boards would deny it, BCCI and CA were having discussions behind

BIG WEEK FOR ....... ■ Cameron White needs runs

the scenes to resolve matters,” Hansen wrote. ”Indeed, they presented me with an agreed statement of facts and a consent order that they expected me to rubber-stamp.”

Surfing

KIWI YOUNGSTER ELIMINATES SLATER No-name New Zealand surfer Billy Stairmand beat 10-time world champion Kelly Slater in a massive boilover at the ASP Tour event in Western Australia. Slater set the early pace with a 7.50 in the US$285,000 event. Stairmand equalled that soon after and then scored an incredible 9.00 with five minutes of their man-on-man heat remaining. That left Slater needing to better a 9.00 to snatch victory. The American used all his experience to throw everything at Stairmand, scoring a 6.93 and an 8.00 in a late flurry that came up just short.

courted by clubs in the United States’ MLS and, with his future at Turkish giant Galatasaray up in the air, a mid-year move could be on the cards. “The future for me personally is undecided right now,” Kewell told Turkish TV. “I will make up my mind at the end of the season but of course I would like to stay on if possible.” Kewell has previously expressed a desire to play in the United States. “Playing there is certainly something I’d consider,” Kewell said in 2008. “Not now, but further down the line, you never know. I do love the place.” Harry Kewell

Football

KEWELL LINKED WITH MOVE TO US LEAGUE Socceroos veteran Harry Kewell is being

Getty Images

against Bangladesh. He was a non-event at the World Cup and didn’t do much against England during the lead-in. He won’t be dropped – at 27, demographics are his friend – but, on form, he doesn’t deserve his spot. Michael Clarke also wants him to bowl more. That’s ambitious, given White bowls absolute pies.

The Magpies roll on: The Blues weren’t disgraced against their arch rivals but Collingwood cemented their status as the AFL’s benchmark with a gritty 28-point at the MCG last Friday night.

Wayne Rooney won’t be playing this weekend

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

they start screaming and scream for five minutes

”

Australian golfer Robert Allenby on Tiger Woods’ popularity. Feeling a little bit left out, are we, champ?

A lot of the “press has been

Preview … A bumper Manchester derby MANCHESTER UNITED V MANCHESTER CITY Saturday 4.30pm TV: ITV1 This weekend’s FA Cup semi-final sees the two Manchester clubs renew their rivalry in what looms as another epic grudge match. This United side lacks the quality of previous title-winning squads, but they still sit atop the league and remain in the running for the Champions League – prior to this week’s second leg against Chelsea, anyway. What they lack in talent and finesse, they’ve made up for in hard graft and nerves of steel. In many ways, any trophies they win this season could be even more gratifying for Sir Alex Ferguson than those collected in previous years, when United were simply too good. This year, they’ve had to scrap, and one

suspects Ferguson, bloody-minded old Scot that he is, will be doubly proud if they come out on top. So to City, to the semi-final, where they will be without Wayne Rooney because of the striker’s idiotic lapse of judgement that compelled him to swear straight into a TV camera after scoring against West Ham a couple of weekends ago. Great player, Rooney is, but undeniably a massive twit too. City will fancy themselves here. It’s hard to get a formline on them because they’re so up and down but this is the only competition where they’re still in the mix and they’ve shown off some impressive firepower in recent weeks. They’ll be happy to back Tevez and Silva to outgun Berbatov and Hernandez, who must play out of their skins to fill the void left by Rooney.

about us younger guys having to chase Thorpey and Klimmy when really it’s the other way around

”

Aussie swimmer James Magnussen after winning the national 100m freestyle title. Admirably bullish stuff

not going to “getHe’s any sympathy from me because he took the money

”

Jason Akermanis on the struggles of high-priced Gold Coast Suns recruit Karmichael Hunt (below)

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The Chat … BALE FAVOURITE FOR PLAYER AWARD What’s the story? The Professional Footballers’ Association has announced the nominations for its Premier League player of the year award, and Tottenham star Gareth Bale is the bookies’ favourite. Who else is nominated? There’s Charlie Adam from Blackpool, Samir Nasri from Arsenal, Scott Parker from West Ham, Manchester City skipper Carlos Tevez, Spurs’ gun

Rafael van der Vaart and Manchester United pair Wayne Rooney and Nemanja Vidic. Nani stiff to miss. Harry Redknapp will be happy. Yeah – because Tottenham are desperate to beat back attempts from European giants to poach Bale. Manager Redknapp last week said his star player won’t be sold for less than £80m; if he wins this award, Spurs will feel justified in asking for that kind of money and other clubs will probably be scared off.

TV HIGHLIGHTS FOOTBALL Manchester United v Chelsea Tuesday, 7.30pm Sky Sports 2 Champions League quarters wrap up CRICKET Australia v Bangladesh Wednesday, 8.55am Sky Sports 3 Who are we kidding? We’ll still watch it TENNIS Monte Carlo Masters All week, 9.30am Sky Sports 1 Can Nadal win a seventh straight title?

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NEWS & SPORT

circus. He “hitsIt’sa ashot and

OUR VIEW TNT puts the world to rights

Shaun Metcalf is back on an NRL roster

Tom Sturrock tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

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haun Metcalf is a 23-yearold Kiwi rugby league player who, in 2004, was jailed for assaulting his pregnant ex-girlfriend. He lured the then 15-year-old to a park, where Metcalf and two teammates repeatedly kicked her in the stomach in an attempt to induce a miscarriage. Last week, Metcalf signed a two-year deal with the NRL’s New Zealand Warriors. “I’m not proud of my past, and I never will be,’’ said Metcalf, who now has six-year-old twins with another partner. ‘’I can’t do anything about that now but what I can do something about, and what I’ve been trying to do ever since, is to rebuild my life and get it back on track.’’ These are platitudes from a man whose crime horrified New Zealand. At the time, he was a 16-yearold prodigy, who was already scoring tries in first-grade trial matches. The Warriors’ decision to sign Metcalf throws him a remarkable lifeline, offering him a second chance to pursue a career as a full-time athlete. But his reinstatement raises some uncomfortable questions for a code with a toxic record when it comes to players’ treatment of women. Metcalf’s supporters will trot out

the cliche that “he’s done his time”. That’s true and, as a result, he’s entitled to his freedom. But that entitlement does not extend to earning six figures playing football. Equally, sporting clubs, or entire codes, are entitled to say: “Sorry, we don’t want you. If you bash your missus, we don’t want anything to do with you.” The fact is that certain offences preclude entry into some professions – for example, a criminal conviction makes it problematic to pursue a career as a policeman or a lawyer. Maybe some crimes, such as those involving violence against women, cross a threshold; maybe they should be deemed dealbreakers for any prospective career as a professional footballer.

BANGLADESH SERIES ABSURD Why is the Australian cricket team currently playing a meaningless three-match ODI series in Bangladesh?

Australia’s side must be regenerated

“

”

It’s been a long season already, going back to the tour to India at the end of last year, before the Ashes loss and the World Cup. And then, tacked on to the end, this nothing series. What’s the point? The other absurdity is that,

with the World Cup over, the Australian 50-over side must now be regenerated. It doesn’t have to happen all at once but a three-match series against Bangladesh would have been a perfect chance to blood some project players. Instead, because of the fixturing, Australia have understandably stuck with the familiar faces already on the sub-continent, rather than send out a bunch of new guys for such a short stint. Everyone loses as a result of this dumb planning.

P26 Emilio Estevez P66 Nurburgring

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NEWS & SPORT

Metcalf return raises awkward questions

A LONG WAY FROM HOME

If New Zealand-born rugby star Riki Flutey plays at this year’s World Cup, he will do so wearing an England jumper WORDS TOM STURROCK

England gave Flutey the chance to play Test rugby

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here are expat Kiwis tearing it up in every corner of the rugby world but Riki Flutey is in a unique position. When the World Cup begins in New Zealand later this year, he hopes to be involved, but not as an All Black. Instead, Flutey, 31, aims to be part of the England squad, having earned eligibility in 2008. While grateful for the opportunity to play Test rugby, Flutey needs little prompting to emphasise his Kiwi roots. “Things I’ve achieved over here have been huge and I’ve had the opportunity to play at Test level with England, and to represent the British and Irish Lions,” he says. “But it all comes back to people I had around me as a youngster.”

NEWS & SPORT

Beware the Kiwi in Lions’ clothing

TIME TO CLICK Flutey will do his World Cup chances no harm if he can help Wasps find some consistency in the crucial final weeks of the Aviva Premiership. Wasps are desperate to shrug off their erratic mid-season form and clinch one of the remaining Heineken Cup berths and perhaps even sneak into the play-offs. “The sun’s shining, so hopefully we can get out of that winter style and start playing some running rugby,” Flutey says. “I guess the biggest thing for us has been the consistency – we had a good run where we won a few games in a row but then we fell off again. So, in this last part of the season, we really need to get back into those winning ways and hopefully keep our players fit. We’ve got to stop giving away penalties and giving up turnovers, because that’s how you start to build pressure on your opposition.”

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WORLD CUP DREAMING After missing the Six Nations through injury, Flutey needs to impress between now and season’s end to give himself a chance of making England’s squad. “I’ll be doing everything I can to get on that plane,” he says. “I didn’t play during the Six Nations but the coaches were really happy with my training and I had some good, positive feedback. I guess the only thing I can do is really enjoy my rugby and play with a smile on my face.”

As for whether he truly feels like an Englishman, Flutey is circumspect, even foreshadowing a return to New Zealand once his playing days are over. “I’ve still got the Kiwi Maori accent, which will always give me away. But I’m looking forward to it. Home’s home and I’m not too sure what I’ll do when I finish my rugby over here, but all my family and all my wife’s family are over there, so we could move back any day.”

I’ve still got “ the accent, which gives me away ” BACK WHERE IT ALL BEGAN For any kid growing up in New Zealand, All Blacks selection is the ultimate dream, but while Flutey acknowledges the disappointment of not quite making it as a Test player back home, he’s made the best of his career’s second act. “I wanted to nail down a position; in New Zealand, I had been a utility back,” he says. “And to be fair to my coaches, when they gave me a chance in those positions, I probably didn’t take them.” Flutey has already played against the All Blacks but, far from engendering any adversarial feelings to his homeland, the experience seems to have deepened his affection for his country of birth. ”I felt like I was playing against my mates,” he says. “I look back at playing rugby in New Zealand and I had the best coaching you could hope for. It’s certainly helped me achieve every I’ve done in rugby.”

Wasps are hoping to sting their rivals at the tail-end of the season

A SOLID CITIZEN Married with a couple of kids, Flutey is now one of England rugby’s elder statesmen, but he was once a young tearaway with a nose for trouble. In December, 2001, Flutey got into a brawl in Argentina while touring with a youth team. He was charged with causing grievous bodily harm and spent four days in a police cell. A civil suit was eventually settled, on the condition that Flutey not re-offend, and the experience was chastening enough to ensure he has remained on the straight-and-narrow ever since. “I learned a lot from that saga – as soon as I got back to New Zealand, I knew that if I stuffed up again, my rugby would be over.” Perhaps Flutey will have some wise words for England teammate Ben Foden, who is in hot water over a row with a taxi driver. “It’s just one of those things – it gave me a real boot up the bum and I really enjoy my rugby now. Sometimes it can be a bit of a wake-up call – it was for me. But some people learn the hard way,” he says. “Everyone deals with things differently. I don’t know the ins and outs with Ben Foden, but any player will have people around them to help them through it.”

» London Wasps host Bath at Flutey playing for the Hurricanes in 2005

Twickenham Stadium, Saturday, April 23. Buy tickets by calling 0844 225 2990 or from ticketmaster.co.uk.

In hot water: Ben Foden

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CAREERS CAREERS & MONEY

ON THE JOB JAMES BURKE

Career Creative director, acrylicize Age 29 Lives West Hamstead From North London How did you get into your line of work?

I wanted to bring the traditional art canvas into the 21st century and the acrylic canvas, which has a minimal effect, wasn’t very widely used. In my final year art project I sold all my pieces and went from there. What do you do day-to-day?

Everything from designing new projects to visiting sites to pitch for new business. What’s the best thing about your job?

Having the freedom to be creative every day. As a company, we make our own rules and, ultimately, this is reflected in our unique pieces.

Thinkstock

What’s the most challenging thing about your job?

The challenging things are the best things, like tackling a new material or an art medium. We’re all about making something new, a twist on the typical, which is a challenge in itself, but a fun one.

British IT workers fear the immigration cap won’t help them

Open door no more B

ritain is addicted to immigration the government has claimed as its first annual cap on numbers coming into the country comes into force. No more than 21,700 workers from outside the EU will be allowed jobs in the UK, putting an end to an opendoor policy, which made it too easy for businesses to employ migrant staff as a first option over British recruits, Damian

Green said. He also hit back at business leaders and MPs who claimed a limit would damage their ability to find employees. A third of the interim limit introduced last summer went unused, meaning companies hired 6000 fewer migrants workers than they could have. Green said: “What I want to see is bringing someone in from outside to do a job in this country should be the last resort.”

However, the move does not help British IT workers who hoped the cap would include the intra-company transfer visa. They say it allows Indian staff to work in the UK, affecting salaries and increasing competition.

TRUTH ABOUT ROLES

CREATIVE FIELD AT RISK

JOB LOSS FEARS PREVAIL

Job hunters can suss out working conditions at Britain’s leading companies thanks to a new website. jobcrowd.com allows visitors to research careers and roles by reading job reviews written by existing employees.

Shadow culture secretary Ivan Lewis has warned that the creative industries are “at risk” due to competition from abroad. He has launched a policy review to see the industry does not decline as British manufacturing did.

Only 11 per cent of employees claim to be ‘very confident’ about keeping their jobs. A Gumtree study also found that, if facing redundancy, 63 per cent of people didn’t feel they would have the right skills to work in a new industry.

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&Booted

Even when there’s a company policy, knowing what to wear to work can be tricky business WORDS REBECCA KENT

ffice dress codes can be a minefield, particularly in a first job. But in an age where just about anything goes in fashion, while you may have got your foot in the door, it’s what’s on those tootsies that counts. How should you tackle ‘business casual’? And how do you interpret ‘dress-down Friday’ when you’ve never had to dress up? TNT finds out.

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LONG IN THE LEG Hood has made a career out of whipping workers up into shape. “For most people it’s just tiny adjustments that can make a difference to their overall image, such as clean shoes, quality accessories and, for men, having a clean collar and ensuring their jacket sleeves don’t hang over their knuckles,” she says. “It should end at the top of the thumb joint.” And don’t get her started on ‘ankle swimmers’. “Men always get their trouser lengths wrong. They should sit on the shoe and have one fold.” SPARE YOUR BLUSHES Ladies, keep the mascara and lip gloss on hand. Research has shown that girls who

Thinkstock, TNT Images

Save your ‘expressive’ clothes for the weekend

YOUR CLOTHES TALK Your work attire will speak volumes about your ability to do your job. As a general rule, the more distracting a piece of clothing or jewellery is, the less appropriate it is for office wear. “By looking neat and smart at work, what you are doing is showing respect for the people you’re working with,” says personal image consultant, Tessa Hood (changinggear.net). “If you’re not what it

says on the tin, you’re immediately on the back foot,” she warns.

wear gentle make-up have a 20 per cent greater chance of clinching a job. But that’s not all it takes. “Fit, fit fit is a mantra of mine when it comes to women’s clothing,” says Hood. “Don’t have anything too tight or too baggy. Ladders in tights and badly fitting clothes can completely spoil the way you look. And leave your wild fashion choices for the weekend.”

BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY Naturally, the seasons will dictate your fashion choices. In spring and summer, you can pull off navy and white ensembles, which are strong statement colours, but still make you appear professional and friendly. And steer away from all over black – wear it all the time and you look too serious. Try a black pair of dress pants or a pencil skirt and pair it with a bright, summery top. In winter, blacks and deep purples are suitable, as the mood in an office tends to be on the conservative side. DON’T OVERDRESS Men, when picking shirts and ties, refer to your boss as a guide. The classic white pinpoint Oxford and striped tie will never go out of style. But if your boss’s boss and the company director are wearing bold coloured shirts and stylised ties, then you are probably safe to indulge.

Clothes maketh the man

However, Hood warns that shorts, no matter how tailored and how on-trend they may be, are banned.

Some experts say you can be judged at work based on the colours you wear. Here are ten colours and how they are supposed to affect your colleagues. ■ BLUE: Studies have shown that wearing a navy blue suit to an interview gives you the best chance of landing the job. But even if you don’t have to wear a suit to work, still wear blue, because people associate it with loyalty. That’s why so many companies, such as Facebook and IBM, use the colour blue in their logos. ■ YELLOW: Wear it if you’d like to be perceived as having a sunny personality. ■ RED: Red shows that you’re not afraid to stand out, but if you wear it all the time people might start to feel like you’re not a team player. ■ BEIGE: A good choice if you prefer to blend into the background. Men, don’t touch the colour. ■ WHITE: Okay as long as it’s minimal, otherwise you look like you’re in uniform. ■ PINK: A pink shirt under a dark suit makes women seem approachable and men confident enough to pull it off. ■ GREEN: Dark green is associated with power, class, and strength. And bright greens make you look sporty, casual, and cheerful. ■ PURPLE: It’s associated with royalty and power. ■ BROWN: A good substitute for black, but only if you accent it with another colour. And brown clothes that are too baggy can make you look frumpy. Sunny and Approachable made a fine team

TAKE A SNEAK PEEK Nicole Beaven, 32, is a contract management accountant. With her jobs regularly changing, she has the ‘what to wear’ dilemma sussed out. “Most companies have a dress code, so I make a point of asking my recruitment agency what it is,” she says. “Usually, I wear nice trousers or a smart skirt and a top, or a dress, but I always suss out what everyone else is wearing when I go to the interview.” As for casual Fridays, never assume. “I always ask what the score is before turning up on Friday wearing jeans, otherwise don’t wear jeans at all until you are sure, or you just set yourself up for embarrassment.” Still unsure? Ask your company’s HR department. If they don’t know, who will?

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CAREERS & MONEY

RAINBOW WARDROBE

MONEY CAREERS & MONEY

Maxed out? Advice is only a phone call away

WHERE DOES YOUR DOSH GO?

Nitasha Rajoo

Free money advice for all n independent service set up by the government has been launched to give free and unbiased advice on personal money matters. The Money Advice Service is funded by a charge levied on the financial services industry and collected by the City watchdog.

MAKES YOUR MONEY GO FURTHER

tntmagazine.com

How do you budget in London?

Offering advice on financial issues over the phone, the internet and face-to-face through centres nationwide, it provides a more comprehensive offering than the consumer Financial And Education Body, which it now replaces. Gerard Lemos, chairman of the Money Advice Service,

said: “We’re not here to sell anything and we won’t charge anyone – we are here to help people take decisions about their money and plan for a better future.” The face-to-face service will be delivered by public sector contractor A4E. See moneyadviceservice.org.uk

I live in a studio flat, never spend more than I have, and only splurge on big and momentous occasions.

MEN TAKE LONG VIEW

WAGES CREEP SKYWARD

Last big blowout?

A study has shown that 41 per cent of women put money into their savings accounts to pay for short-term goals, such as holidays, while 27 per cent of men save for long-term goals such as an emergency fund. National Savings and Investments conducted the survey among it customers.

Average starting salaries rose to 55.3 in March, up from 53.7 the month before - where a reading above 50 is an increase, according to the latest index by the Recruitment And Employment Confederation and KPMG. The rise was due to competition for candidates in engineering and finance.

Searching the caves in Petra and soaking up the mud in the Dead Sea in Jordan. Then the beaches of Jamaica.

A book for (rich) car lovers

Any money-saving tips for when you first arrive?

Decide what matters to you – location or space. I opted for space, hence my location. I can actually move my arms side-to-side and not bump into anythingor anyone.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Theatre. I try to see something in the creative world every fortnight.

READING JUST GOT RACY Ferrari has published the world’s priciest book – a diamond-encrusted tome about its cars and drivers costing £155,000. Here are some other rich reads ... » It’s a shame Ptolemy, the when his Birds Of America sold second-century Greek mathematician, is not alive to cash in on his 1477 etched tome, Cosmography. It’s now worth a cool £2.5m. » American ornithologist and painter James Audubon was probably chirping in his grave

for £6.7m last year. The birds are painted to scale. » The most expensive recipes in the world cost £1000 a copy. Printed on the rare hide of a Japanese ray, Dom Perignon compiles recipes from the UK’s top chefs.

Thinkstock, YouTube

With lenders getting lenient the time is ripe for ‘stoozing’ – taking cash from a credit card at 0 per cent and saving it at as high a rate of interest as possible. Not recommended for the ill-disciplined, start by using the card to buy everything, though never for withdrawing cash. Set up a direct debit to make the minimum monthly repayments. As all spending is on the card and cash isn’t withdrawn from your current account, unspent wages will build up. Transfer these savings to a top cash ISA and use the money you’ve made to pay off the card at the end of the interest-free period. Repeat if successful.

Job Head of drama/ teacher From Vancouver/Durban Lives Brentford Age 33

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TRAVEL GLOBAL VISION A Tuareg man is pictured during the annual economic festival of Assihar in Tamanrasset,

TRAVEL

Algeria. Photo by Farouk Batiche/AFP/Getty Images

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the life Take a tour of Bristol with only Twitter as your guide WORDS JANINE KELSO

Bristol ENGLAND

hunning guidebooks and travel websites, my goal for the day is to enjoy Bristol’s highlights with only Twitter as my chaperone. Is it possible to learn about a city’s hidden gems with advice being offered in the form of 140character tweets? Here’s how I get on.

The tweet: @fi_q: you must visit Clifton Village and harbourside. Park Street for unique shops.

The tweet: @leemannion: used to live there, have a half of exhibition in The Coronation Tap, then walk over the bridge. What happened next: Unfortunately cider house The Coronation Tap, in Sion Place, is closed when I stopped by late afternoon (they open at 5.30pm), but I walk over Isambard Kingdom Brunel’s Clifton Suspension Bridge, the city’s most iconic landmark. There are knockout views down the Avon Gorge that links Bristol with the sea, but I’m a little unnerved by the dramatic drop, especially when I spot

Destination Bristol

See the genius of Banksy around Bristol

What happened next: Park Street heaves with offbeat cafes, such as the frothy Cupcakes And Confectionary, and vintage fashion shops, such as Motel, where I buy a pair of retro boots, a steal at £30. It’s raining when I head over to the

harbourside, lined with trendy brasseries, pubs and cookery schools. In summer, the Bristol Ferry Boat Company offers cream teas on the river and champagne cruises at sunset.

SHORT BREAK Feast on spectacular views of the Avon Gorge

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP nEAT

NEED TO KNOW GETTING THERE Take the train to Bristol with First Great Western (firstgreatwestern.co.uk). The journey takes about 1hr40mins. SEE visitbristol. co.uk UNITED

KINGDOM LONDON Bristol

a plaque with the Samaritans’ phone number, as it’s known as a suicide spot. According to Bristol legend, in 1885, 22-year-old Sarah Ann Henley survived a suicide attempt thanks to her billowing skirts, which acted like a parachute.

Getty Images, TNT Images

The tweet: @roseypoppins: Canʼt go to Bristol without checking out the Banksyʼs. What happened next: Elusive graffiti artist Banksy helped raise the cultural flag for Bristol as his art was born out of the city’s vibrant underground aerosol boom in the late ‘80s. I go to see Banksy’s artwork on the side of a sexual health clinic on Park Street, depicting a naked lover hanging from a window while his

mistress’ husband peers out looking for him. In spite of being defaced by paintballers a few years ago, the iconic image is as striking as ever and a must-see for any visit to the city. Other locations to admire Banksy’s work include Stoke’s Croft and on the side of the Thekla Social boat moored in Bristol harbour.

Go vintage at Park Street

The Tweet: @VisitBristol: Itʼs British Pie Week! Surely no better excuse than to try a Bristol @pieminister pie if youʼve never had one. Bestest pie in Britain: FACT. What happened next: Pie Week might have been and gone but a girl’s still got to eat, so I swing by this award-winning, shabby-chic pie shop in St Nicholas Market for a heart-warming lunch. My heavenly asparagus and mushroom pie is served up with mashed potato, mushy peas and gravy. After a satisfying feed, I feel like hugging the tweeter. I mooch about the covered market, discovering an array of characterful independent retailers selling sweets, records, secondhand books and even goodies from South Africa.

concerned with how amazing we are. I like the hands-on nature of the showcase: I look at my veins under a vein ray and hear music through the vibrations of the bones in my jaw by biting down on a straw placed over a metal rod connected to an iPod while putting my fingers in my ears. I ogle real human brain, in all its veiny glory, highlighting the skeleton and central nervous system.

» Janine Kelso travelled to Bristol with First Great Western (firstgreatwestern.com) and she stayed at the Clifton House Hotel (cliftonhousehotel.com)

The tweet: @visitbristol: At-Bristolʼs fantastic All About Us exhibition launched last night. Itʼs new, itʼs big & it features a real brain! What happened next: Since physics pinup Dr Brian Cox burst on to our screens and made science sexy, everyone has started to marvel at the world around them. Science museum At-Bristol’s £1.5million All About Us exhibition is The life of brain at All About Us

TRAVEL

cider. The Old Duke (theoldduke.co.uk) is the place to go for live jazz. Swing by The Feast on a steaming hot pie stuffed with Victoria (0117 974 5675) in Southleigh heart-warming ingredients at Road, where you’ll find an Pieminister (pieminister.co.uk). extensive range of beers Then head to Guilbert’s and ciders, many of Chocolatiers (guilberts. which are local. com), purveyors of luxury chocolates. If nSLEEP you like hearty Boutique B&B Clifton House locallyreared food, Time for a pie Hotel (tyndallsparkhotel.co. trendy Clifton’s Cowshed Bar uk) is sited in a Victorian villa in stylish and Grill (thecowshedbristol.com) offers Clifton. Rooms are beautifully decorated a great value earlybird meal for £10 and cost from £52 per night for a single. between 6pm and 7pm, Mon-Thurs. Budget-conscious travellers can spend nDRINK the night at YHA Bristol (yha.org.uk) The Apple Cider Co (applecider.co.uk) in Narrow Quay, from £14 a night. in Welsh Back Canal in the Old City, Bristol Backpackers (bristolbackpackers. offers more than 40 varieties of cider: co.uk) is another good value choice, think toffee apple cider and raspberry with beds from £16 a night.

LATE DEALS

TRAVEL

UNDER £250

An eight-day Sail Greece tour from Bodrum to Mykonos is £249 with Travel Talk (0208 099 8852; traveltalktours.com), including accommodation and most meals. Visit Paros, Naxos, Ios, Santorini and Kos. Excludes flights. Departs May 14. Book by May 2. Two days in Bakewell, the Peak District and York is £109 with Anderson Tours (0207 436 9304; andersontours.co.uk), including one night’s B&B accommodation, dinner and coach travel. Departs April 16. Three nights in the exotic city of Marrakech is £189 with Flight Centre (0844 800 8628; flightcentre.co.uk), including flights and B&B accommodation. Travel between Jul 1-31. Offer ends Apr 30. Go horse riding in the Brecon Beacons, Wales, for two days for £149 with Anderson Tours (0207 436 9304; andersontours.co.uk), including coach travel and one night’s B&B. Departs Apr 16. A nine-day Felucca Odyssey tour of Egypt is £154 with Travel Talk (0208 099 8852; traveltalktours.com), including B&B accommodation, two lunches and dinners. Visit Cairo, Aswan, Edfu, Luxor and more. Excludes flights. Departs April 30.

DEAL OF THE WEEK

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

£250 - £500

OVER £500

A 10-day Egypt Unplugged tour is £380 (save £70) with On The Go Tours (020 7371 1113; onthegotours.com), including Cairo, Luxor and Dahab. Departs April 26. Excludes flights. Seven nights in Costa Blanca is £323 with lowcostholidays. com (0800 1116271), including flights and accommodation. Departs Apr 27. Three nights in Amsterdam over the royal wedding weekend is £329 with Flight Centre (0844 800 8628; flightcentre.co.uk), including flights and B&B accommodation. Quote: AMSLONPAC1. Departs Apr 28. A seven-day Spain Discovered tour is £299 with Travel Talk (0208 099 8852; traveltalktours.com). Visit Madrid, Toledo, Granada, Seville. Excludes flights. Departs June 4. Book by May 2.

A 10-day Greek Island Hopper tour is £738 (was £820) with Topdeck Travel (020 8987 3300; topdeck.travel). Visit Paros, Mykonos and Santorini. Departs Apr 30. An eight-day tour of the Amalfi Coast in Italy is £547 (was £729) with Gap Adventures (0844 272 2040; gapadventures. co.uk), including B&B accommodation and local transport. Excludes flights. Departs April 30. Climb three different volcanoes on an eight-day Sicilian Volcano hike for £1019 with Explore (0844 499 0901; explore.co.uk), including flights, B&B accommodation. Departs May 21. Seven nights in Las Vegas is £577.60 with easyclicktravel.co. uk (0845 869 7506), including flights and accommodation. Departs April 25.

*All fares are ex-London, unless otherwise stated.

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A seven-day Balkan Road trip Route 20 or 30 tour, including Croatia and Bosnia and Herzegovina, is £199 with Balkan Road trip (0845 2578289). Departs June 11.

Visit Seville on a Spain Discovered tour for £299 with Travel Talk

ADVERTORIAL

TURKEY 2011

Aegean Explorer 7 DAYS Kicking off in Istanbul, this is a great taste of Turkey taking you to the heart of Istanbul, venturing inside the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sofia then over to ANZAC Cove to pay your respects. Visit Troy, with its Trojan horse; the ancient Roman ruins of Ephesus; and Pamukkale’s beautiful cascading mineral pools, before returning to Istanbul.

Turkey Unplugged 10 DAYS Explore the old city of Istanbul then head to ANZAC Cove to take a guided tour of the W11 Battlefields of Gallipoli. Visit Troy and then Ephesus, positively the best-preserved classical city in the eastern Mediterranean. After the glistening calcium-terraced pools of Pamukkale we head to Cappadocia the undisputed jewel in Turkey’s crown.

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Turkey Discovered 14 DAYS Discover Istanbul, ANZAC Cove and many Turkish treasures such as Troy, Ephasus and Pamukkale. Spend a few days on the stunning Med coast, take a boat trip to Turtle Beach and indulge in a mud bath, sunbath and shop until you drop in the markets of Fethiye. Visit Saklikent Gorge and tub down the icy mountain stream, pass through Konya, home to the whirling dervishes and on to Cappadocia.

2011 ONE-OFF SPECIAL DEPARTURES Oil-Wrestling Festival - this is certainly one of our more unusual bolt-ons. Witness more than 1000 barefoot Turkish wrestlers take part in a sudden death-style competition wearing only a pair of leather trousers and a lathering of omega 3 rich olive oil ... a one-off experience not to be missed! Departs: 09 July, 2011 Draconids Metor Shower calling all star gazers, you can witness the Draconids Meteor Shower light up the night sky in magical Cappadocia in one of the best celestial events of the year. Join us on a starstudded special tour. Departs: 08 October, 2011 Remembrance Day – a 9-day tour showing many highlights of Turkey and

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xotic Turkey conjures up visions of sultans and harems, belly-dancers, spectacular Roman ruins, Gallipoli and the poignant ANZAC campaign, sun-kissed beaches and the stunning landscape of Cappadocia. On The Go offer a fantastic selection of year-round tours at awesome realistic prices so check out what’s on offer and start planning your summer holidays now!

taking you to ANZAC Cove for the moving Remembrance Day Commemorations of 11/11/11. Departs: 05 November, 2011 Christmas Turkey - enjoy snowflakes on fairy chimneys, legendary sites at Ephesus, Troy and Aspendos, thermal springs at Pamukkale and Christmas Eve at St Nic’s! Departs: 18 December, 2011

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n AIRPORT ARRIVAL TRANSFERS We offer an airport arrival transfer ensuring a safe arrival in to Istanbul.

n NO COMPULSORY ‘SINGLE SUPPLEMENT’ If you’re travelling solo we’ll match you up with another same-sex travel mate.

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Just pay the tour price before you leave and entrance fees and tipping kitty along the way.

Our group tours are guaranteed departures and depart all year round.

n FINANCIAL PROTECTION

n GOOD HOTELS – TOP LOCATIONS! We use a range of carefully selected, centrally located quality 4-star accommodation in Turkey.

n FANTASTIC LOCAL GUIDES Our group tours are escorted by professional and enthusiastic local guides and we receive excellent feedback from our passengers time and time again.

ABTA, ATOL and ATIO bonded, meaning our quality is guaranteed and your money is 100 per cent protected.

Visit onthegotours.com for all Turkey Tours. Call 020 7371 1113 to speak to one of our friendly consultants. Head online and order a brochure.

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TRAVEL

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• The water at your doorstep and cool drinks on tap. • No bags to carry. No hotels to check in and out of. • Spectacular views that change by the hour. • Local culture or learn the lingo with our crews. Cruise around small islands. Swim everyday in another bay. Explore small ports, cafes and tavernas. Experience amazing clubs and bars ‘til the early hours.

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TRAVEL 63

TNT Weekender Marrakech MOROCCO

Just a three-hour flight from London, this imperial Moroccan city is gloriously exotic. It’s known as ‘The Red City’ to the native Berber community, but its atmosphere is hardly monochromatic. Marrakech is home to bustling street markets, relaxing spas or ‘hammams’ and cultural museums, while just a stone’s throw from the majestic Atlas Mountains.

TNT Images

HEADLINE ATTRACTION You’ll be tempted to spend all of your time at the Djemaa elFna or ‘main square,’ the liveliest town centre in Africa, if not the world. By day, acrobats, snake charmers, storytellers, and belly dancers entrance hordes of spectators, but come nightfall, the square transforms into a open-air dining room, as food carts selling succulent treats emerge out of the plumes of smoke. Amid the mouth-watering mountains of nosh and zesty aromas that fill the air, food sellers will vie for your attention, swearing that their food is the best – it all is.

BEST OF THE REST Marrakech is home to the largest souk, or ‘traditional market,’ in Morocco. Weave your way through the maze of colourful stands, where sellers pawn everything from vibrant silk scarves to exotic spices. Learn to haggle – it’s a great way to submerge yourself in the culture while saving a few dirham.

CHOW DOWN Tagine, both the name of the stew and the dish in which it’s cooked, is a hearty blend of vegetables, fruit, nuts and meat slow cooked over a bed of charcoal and devoured with a heap of warm bread. For lighter fare, try vegetarian couscous, sweetly enriched

with dates, almonds, raisins and cinnamon. For more adventurous foodies, there’s always monkey brains, a delicacy rumoured by the locals to cure impotence.

GET THE CAMERA OUT The minaret of the famous Koutoubia Mosque stands at an underwhelming 77 metres, but towers above the rest of the city thanks to a decree that states no building can rise above it. Built in an Almohad style, the mosque is particularly stunning when bathed in the golden light of a sunset as the faithful are called to prayer. ERIN CHACK

NEXT WEEK ISTANBUL

NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO GO Visit in spring and autumn to avoid extreme temperatures. GETTING THERE Fly direct with Ryanair and easyJet. VISAS South Africans need a visa. Australians and New Zealanders can stay for three months without one. CURRENCY Morocco dirham. 1 GBP = 12.93 MAD. LANGUAGE French and Arabic, but English is widely spoken. GETTING AROUND Taxis are cheap and the easiest way to explore, but agree the fare beforehand. GOING OUT A pint costs about £2.30. ACCOMMODATION A dorm bed starts from£9.30, a double room in a hostel is from £46.

Casablanca

MOROCCO Marrakech

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HOTSHOTS TRAVEL

Hayley Madden TALKS TRAVEL PHOTOGRAPHY

WINNER UXBRIDGE, ENGLAND Tomasz Wzorek from Harefield, Middlesex

The backlight on this shot has highlighted the atmospheric steam through the bridge and given wonderful twinkles in the water. Tomasz has achieved good tonal range throughout the picture, particularly on the wall of the bridge, showing off its texture. The man is clearly visible even though he is small in the shot as his dark clothes stand out

well against the light background. The second barge in the background adds depth. The black and white treatment gives a thoroughly nostalgic effect. HOT TIP: When shooting against the light, expose for the shadow area and ‘burn’ in the highlights during the printing or digital processing to avoid unattractive grain/in

RUNNER-UP INVERNESS, SCOTLAND Amanda Bourke from Brisbane, Australia Reflections of this type are popular subjects and this is a particularly good one with the even light and clouds providing a natural vignette. The horizon line has lots of interest with the various heights of the buildings and the church tower making a statement. The icing on the cake, though, is the seagull positioned perfectly on the

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the dark areas of the shot.

» Tomasz wins a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com; 0131 557 9393). Trip must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter.

bright patch of sky and flying into the shot to give a balance to the clock tower and add movement to the scene in general. HOT TIP: Reflections, in general, are darker than the landscape so use a graduated filter to even out the light balance. » Amanda wins a photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (020 7793 8664; photographycourses. org.uk) worth £60

SHORT BREAK

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The world’s most XXX XXXX XXX XX XXX XX XXXX XXXX racing X terrifying motor xx xxxx xx xxx xx xxx xxxx xx xxx x xxx has xxx xx xxthrills x xx track and spills aplenty – and they are not just for petrolheads WORDS REBECCA KENT

NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO GO xxx xxx xx. GETTING THERE xxxx xxx. GETTING AROUND xxxx xxx. VISAS xxxxxxx. CURRENCY xxxxx. 1 GBP = X.XX XXX. LANGUAGE xxxxx. GOING OUT xxxxxx. ACCOMMODATION xxxxx. SEE xxxxx.

Nürburgring GERMANY

xxx xxxx, xxx

or some it is the sound of whale song that gets the hair standing on end. But from the moment I pull up alongside the imposing Nurburgring, home to the world’s most treacherous and the most beautiful motor racing track, I know I have found my new high. It’s the sound of racing cars tearing down an asphalt straight at 225 miles per hour. Even for someone like me, who doesn’t know her spark plugs from her bath plugs, finding myself in the thick of motor racing action is a surprisingly enthralling experience.

THRILLS AND SPILLS We arrive on the day of the VLN Endurance Championship in October, where, for £10.50, the paddock, the pits, the crews and the drivers themselves are

r n in g sm e ll o f b u ‘I lo v e t h e t h e m o r n in g ’ r u b b e r in

all within my reach. This is the most fan-friendly meet on the Nurburgring racing calendar and I feel like a kid who has misappropriated an ‘accessall-areas’ pass. The air fills with the sound of spanners clunking, valves hissing and pnuematic guns shuddering. Drivers in their fireproofs chat with officials and engineers. They appear insouciant. God knows why. The Nordschleif, or northern loop, on

Pe t ro lh e a d: th e w r i te h e r in n e r b og r in du lg e s an

which they’re about to embark is not called ‘The Green Hell’, or ‘Grune Holle’ in German, for nothing. Former racing car champion, Jackie ‘The Flying Scotsman’ Stewart coined the term in the late 1960s, and it was without irony. For more than 80 years, Nürburgring Nordschleife has stood as the definitive one-lap test of man and machine. Nestled among the endless dark green trees of the precipitous Eifel mountains in

➟

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SHORT BREAK EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

The ‘most beautiful country road in the world’. Just take a sick bag

GERMANY

NEED TO KNOW

Cologne Nürburg Frankfurt

WHEN TO GO Opening times for the ring vary throughout the year, so it’s best to visit the official website. The months of April-September are good bets, but to avoid queues and track closures due to accidents when it gets packed, avoid

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going during UK or European holidays. GETTING THERE Eurostar goes to Cologne, via a connection with a Thalys train at Brussels-Midi, starting at £96 return. Then it is a 100km drive to Nurburgring SEE nuerburgring.de

Part y pe ople love Nurburgr ing

M or e pu ni sh me n t

Nürburgring Automotive GmbH, Getty Images, TNT Images

western Germany, this 20.8km circuit is arguably the most famous, and most feared, anywhere in the world, with a roll call of deaths to its name to prove it. I don’t know any of the drivers, nor anything about the cars around me – a Porsche 911 GTGe t ou t of m y dre am an d ge t in to m y c s something-or-rather here ar and a BMW M3-GTwhatchyamacallit there. Gree n He ll But resisting the buzz of perilous bends, it’s only £20 it all is futile. to drive a lap in your own car, or you can pay a pro to whisk you GERMANY’S GIFT TO THE WORLD around in a BMW and enjoy views of the The VLN is only one of a host of meets green, woody landscape – which, it should at Nurburgring. In June, it will host the be noted, is criss-crossed with miles of legendary 24-hour race, where thousands hiking trails if you fancy taking a of people – more party people than completely different perspective. Fans petrolheads – witness more than 200 have described the track as the most speed machines on the throttle through beautiful country road in the world. Just day and night. In the same month, the take a sick bag. crowds turn out for an entirely different Alternatively, soar above the circuit’s reason – the Rock AM Ring music festival. stands in a rollercoaster that runs along However, the European Grand Prix is the the starting and home stretches of the pinnacle of the events calendar. It follows track. But with an ability to accelerate a 5.148km circuit built in 1984 after Niki from 0 to 217km/h (134.84mph) in Lauda, the only driver to ever lap the only 2.5 seconds, making it faster than Nordschleife in under seven Formula 1 car, be warned, it isn’t for minutes, almost met his fate the faint-hearted. in a nasty crash in 1976 on » Rebecca Kent was the Green Hell. BERLIN a guest of Sunparks Eifel But despite the and Nurburgring. course’s 73 infamously

nJust 15km from Nurburging, in the heart of the breathtaking hiker’s paradise that is the Eifel region, Sunparks holiday village has villas for between two and eight people, some with an outdoor terrace and others have a private sauna. That should temper the adrenaleine rush. A three-night weekend stay in a four-person villa starts from £260. See sunparks.co.uk. nIf your need for speed doesn’t sleep when you do, the four-star Lindner Congress & Motorsport Hotel at the heart of the Nurburgring complex, might be your kind of accommodation. Your chances of passing a pro in the corridor of this Grand Prix-themed venue are high. A double room booked costs £146. See lindner.de. nFor something more homely, the Hotel Am Tiergarten, is only 150 metres from the start of the ring and costs from £87pn. This is part-owned by Sabine Schmidt, motor racing’s most famous woman. See am-tiergarten.de. nFor refuelling and refreshing, the Eifeldorf Grune Holle, an eating and drinking village across the road from the circuit, has a range of restaurants, including the Nurburger Brauhaus for good beer and very long sausages. For pubs and restaurants outside of the official complex, visit the villages of Adenau, only 3km away, and Nurburg.

GASTHAUS WEBER - only 3km from Nurburgring!

Tour Search by TRAVEL

EASTER SPECIAL: Double Room b&b ¤65 Single Room b&b ¤45 Inh. Werner Weber, Neue Str. 1 53534 Wiesemscheid Tel.:02691-1008 www.gasthaus-weber.de

Think Skyscanner. But for Tours. Relax for a few days. Ramble. Ride a bike through the fascinating landscape of the volcanic countryside. Investigate the vineyards of the romantic valleys of the Moselle. Discover the old Castles and towns.

www.bugbitten.com Hotel Wilhelmshöhe, Wilhelmshöhe 4 56766 Auderath Tel: +49 (0) 26 76 / 2 60 E-Mail: mail@hotel-wilhelmshoehe.de

See our website for more details

www.hotel-wilhelmshoehe.de

www.am-tiergarten.de

Schmitz-family run Hotel perfectly situated between GP Track and Nordschleifen Entrance, in the heart of the village Nürburg. Your ideal starting point if you are a Motorsport enthusiast. Don’t miss out on your ‘Steak on Stone’ in our famous Restaurant Pistenklause. This the place to stay!

53520 Nürburg | T: +49 2691 9 22 00 | E: info@am-tiergarten.de

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TIPS Istanbul is great for food lovers

READERS’ TIPS MUSEUM TIP

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For a change from TIP OF all of the wellTHE WEEK known museums in London, take the Tube to Goodge Street and check out The Petrie Museum of Egyptian Archaeology instead. It’s free and is home to 80,000 objects, making it one of the greatest collections of Egyptian and Sudanese archaeology in the world. See ucl.ac.uk/ museums/petrie.

Mel, via email

WEIRD EDINBURGH

YOU ASKED FOR IT Laura Lindsay FROM LONELY PLANET I’m dreading the thought of being in London for the royal wedding. I can’t think of a better way of enjoying the extra holiday than with a long weekend getaway. I’m not fussy on location, I just want to get a good deal! Do you know of any budget travel websites that don’t require me to input a destination to find a deal? Paul, via email

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There are so many options, I could write pages for this question! So I’ll just suggest a small variety of options to whet your appetite – from the traditional to the adventurous. Renowned for its gourmet cuisine and fine wine, France scores highly with food buffs. Cooking courses will be easy to come by and there is lots of choice. Less common on the foodie trail but definitely a little more adventurous are Turkey or India. The southern states of Tamil Nadu and Karnataka in India will be particularly good for vegetarians. You could combine a trip to the stunning city of Istanbul with a lesson in Turkish cuisine. Cooking Alaturka offers lessons just a stone’s throw from the city’s top tourist spots (cookingalaturka.com). If your budget doesn’t stretch this far, consider Cornwall as our close-to-home gourmet hotspot. Rick Stein’s seafood school (rickstein.com) will teach you how to prepare first-class seafood dishes using fresh fish before enjoying the fruits of your labour, while Fat Hen (fathen.org) offers a master class in wild food foraging.

Maria, via email Email your words of wisdom to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. Tip of the Week wins a Lonely Planet guide and other published tips win a fiver.

WIN

Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@ tntmagazine. com. If she answers your question, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accept no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

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The best way to escape the royal wedding is a very common question! As a result, there will be numerous companies advertising deals as the nation rushes to make the most of the additional bank holiday. Checking the TNT and travel supplements at the weekend newspapers is a good place to start for both adverts and editorial round-ups of good deals. My top tip would be skyscanner.net as you can search a whole month’s flight prices across numerous airlines. To view deals by price not destination, simply type “everywhere” into the destination option to view prices to all destinations. You can also select “UK” as your departure airport allowing you to view flight options from all UK airports if you don’t mind travelling a little further to get a good deal. Be warned, the vast number of people looking to go away over this period will mean that prices will be above average. The best deals will probably be for cities more commonly visited on business trips.

My wife and I are big foodies. Where is a good destination for a gastroholiday? Can you recommend a place with both good food and a good cooking course or two? Simon, via email

When you’re in Edinburgh, check out Scotland’s pagan influences by dropping into the Wyrd Shop on the Royal Mile which sells occult books, witches’ cauldrons and Celtic jewellery. There are also many ghost tours which include the Old Town, tales of ghostly characters, visits to underground vaults and the only working pagan temple in Edinburgh.

TRAVEL NEWS

Iceland’s volcano tour

What’s a hand down the pants between friends?

TRAVEL

As April 14 marks a year since Iceland’s volcano caused global travel disruption, the country is celebrating the opening of a volcano museum, the Eyjafallajökull Erupts Visitor Centre. Travellers can also visit the eruption site. See visiticeland.com. Eyjafallajokull: now a tourist attraction

TNTMAGAZINE.COM MOST POPULAR DESTINATIONS 1 England 2 Spain 3 France 4 Turkey 5 Croatia

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OIL WRESTLING TOUR Fancy watching grown men wrestle each other while smothered in olive oil? Then head to Turkey for its annual Kirkpinar Oil Wrestling Championships. To celebrate this extraordinarily slippery event, On The Go Tours is offering a one-day ‘Oil Wrestling Festival Package’ bolt-on for three of its Turkey tours departing July 9. Travellers booked on to the seven-day Aegean Explorer, the 10-day Turkey Unplugged or the 14-day Turkey Discovered Tour can add the wrestling festival package. More than five centuries old, oil wrestling is a revered national sport in Turkey, with champions becoming celebrities. In fact, it is regarded by Turks as the manliest sport on earth. The Turkish president even crowns the

Thinkstock, arctic-images.com, Istanbulmike

City breaks on the cheap Travellers on a budget can get the most for their money in the historic Baltic city of Riga, Latvia. That’s the conclusion from the Post Office’s latest City Costs Barometer. Of the 19 city break destinations analysed for value for money, the top five were all in Eastern Europe, including Prague, Budapest, Tallinn and Warsaw. Visits to museums, art galleries and heritage attractions are cheapest in Riga, Dublin and Copenhagen.

Riga: cheap as chips

Stockholm was the most expensive in the survey with various items including meals, attractions and hotel accommodation for one night totalling £313.64, almost three times the costs in Riga. The survey also revealed that the strong pound made most cities cheaper for us than last year.

winning champions. Up to 1000 men normally compete, wearing only thick, tight trousers made of water buffalo or cow leather, and a lathering of omega-3-rich olive oil. Tactical moves include a hand down the side of the pants and the schoolboy wedgie (grab, lift, flip and throw) to pin one’s opponent to the ground. The winner goes on to fight another winner, until there is only one man left standing. The event is accompanied by a colourful fair which has stalls, gypsy music and dancing. On The Go’s Oil Wrestling package costs £109 and includes the return journey from Istanbul to Erdine, a guide who explains the history and background to the event, entrance to the wrestling stadium and lunch. See onthegotours.com.

SYRIA ADVENTURE Adventure travel specialist Oasis Overland is continuing to operate trips to Syria despite anti-government demonstrations in the country. Recent tours have experienced no problems, but the operator is monitoring the situation closely and can amend itineraries at short notice. See oasisoverland.co.uk.

TOUR DISCOUNT Tucan Travel is offering a 20 per cent discount on all of its Africa overland tours

departing between now and the end of May. See tucantravel.com.

TRAMPING TREND Hobo holidays are taking the nation by storm in an emerging trend called ‘tramping’, according to Pitchup.com. Thanks to hit TV series My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, the run-down trailer holiday is a must for 2011. Pitchup.com is showcasing its tramping style accommodation on its website. See pitchup. com/tramping.

tntmagazine.com

ON THE ROAD

WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

POORAM

TRAVEL

Thrissur, Kerala, India May 12 Elephants in head-dress, music, fireworks and seething crowds make this arguably India’s most spectacular festival. The parade of caparisoned elephants is out of a fairytale.

» keralatourism.org

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL BRIGHTON, UK MAY 7-29 (FRINGE UNTIL MAY 30) WHAT: Pick a weekend and

WITH FRANKIE MULLIN

LOCK IT IN HORSE FAIR Jerez, Spain May 8-15 andalucia.com

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL May 11-22 Cannes, France festival-cannes.com

WHERE: All over Brighton, including artists’ open houses and outdoor locations. WHY: The festival’s been going since the 60s. This year guest director Aung San Suu Kyi calls for peace in Burma. HOW MUCH: Some is free.

» brightonfestival.org

TNT online For more upcoming events, see our destination guides at tntmagazine.com/travel

CANDLES RACE AALBORG CARNIVAL Aalborg, Denmark May 27-28 Watch the battle of the bands, join in with the free-for-all procession, dance to samba and check out the decorated boats in the water parade. It’s friendly, spectacular and you’ll party into the night.

» karnevaliaalborg.dk

Where in the world?

Gubbio, Italy May 15 italiantourism.com

ROCKET FESTIVAL Yasothon, Thailand May 11-15 tourismthailand.org/uk

ROSE FESTIVAL El Kelaa des M’Gouna, Morocco Mid May visitmorocco.com

THE TRAVELLER … Erin Chack, 21, from New Jersey, US Favourite place?

Greece. The food is incredible – I would drink tzatziki sauce through a straw if it was socially acceptable! Scariest experience?

Ben Kwan from Sydney, Australia, in Lisbon, Portugal

WIN

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a day trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104. » Email your pictures to ontheroad@tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

tntmagazine.com

Re-learning how to drive manual transmission on the hilly dirt roads in the Mediterranean islands with a lorry carrying live chickens driving inches behind me. Fittest men?

Oui, oui Paris! Brooding, mysterious, and hella romantic.

Henning Bagger

get down to Brighton to be jam-packed with music, art, theatre and performance. Music highlights include DJ Shadow and Sufjan Stevens but you’ll probably have more fun checking out some of the random events taking place like the ‘Fire Garden’ or aerial dance troupe, Heartland. The brilliant and bizarre Fringe festival runs concurrently.

ON THE ROAD

TOP FIVE

FIVE CRIME-THEMED BREAKS

THE INSIDER

The best part of my job is speaking to ladies that have been to the GI Jane residential fitness bootcamp and hearing about how the experience has changed their lives. My first ever big trip was going to California, in the United States, to work as a nanny. My favourite place in the world is Ios in Greece. I first visited the place when I was in my twenties and fell in love with it. I had such a great time and even now, when I go back, it doesn't disappoint. My most challenging travel experience was missing a connecting flight in Paris. The next destination on my travel wishlist is Australia. It is such a unique place. I'd love to see the wildlife, the Sydney Opera House and Uluru, as well as meeting the people. Plus I've heard the weather's great too. I'd love to visit the country with my family. I always pack my toothbrush. My guilty travel pleasure is reading racy novels!

JANINE KELSO GIVES A HIGH FIVE TO THE PERFECT GETAWAY! ALCATRAZ, US WHAT: Notorious criminals like Al “Scarface” Capone and the “Birdman” Robert Stroud both did time at Alcatraz, once home to some of America’s most infamous criminals. Set on an island a ferry ride from San Francisco, this legendary jail is now open to visitors who can hear the actual voices of the correctional officers and inmates via an award-winning audio tour. SEE: nps.gov.alcatraz

TRAVEL

Thinkstock, TNT Images

SHARON SMITH, MANAGING DIRECTOR, GI JANE RESIDENTIAL FITNESS BOOTCAMP

SALEM, US WHAT: Home to the infamous witchcraft trials of 1626, Salem, in Massachusetts, offers witchy attractions as well as a slew of so-called haunted houses. Visitors can enjoy a tour of the gloomy Witch House, where the witch trials took place, which sent 19 so-called “witches” to the gallows. The house is open from May until November. SEE: salemweb.com

MAFIA COUNTRY, ASPROMONTE, ITALY WHAT: Found in Italy’s toe, the forests and mountains of Aspromonte is where the Calabrian mafia were based until the 1990s. The mafia dons are long gone, but the region is gloriously unexplored. SEE: italiantouristboard.co.uk

LANGHOLMEN HOSTEL, STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN WHAT: This prison-turnedhostel can be found in central Stockholm on its own island. Sleep in recently revamped two- to four-bed cells where inmates used to kip. There’s also a prison museum. SEE: hostelworld.com

HOSTEL CELICA, LJUBLJANA, SLOVENIA WHAT: Spend the night behind bars at this hip hostel, where the remnants of the building’s prison iron bars are artfully placed on the doors and windows. Rooms resemble plush jail cells. SEE: hostelworld.com

TNT online For a full travel guide on any of the places mentioned go to tntmagazine.com

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No matter your level …

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Surfing THE WORLD

BEST FOR…BEGINNERS

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MAP REQUEST

Where? Cornwall and Devon, England Why? If you’re after an ocean fix close to home, these are prime surf territory, offering some of the country’s best waves. Newquay is England’s surf capital with the most reliable waves and a wild nightlife to boot, but it can get crowded in the summer. North Fistral and Towan are great for beginners, although the latter needs a good swell to work. The downside is that surfing in the UK can be colder and wetter than mainland Europe, and you’ll probably have to wear a wetsuit – and even booties – if you don’t want to catch a chill. Steer clear of The Cribber, which is only recommended for experienced

TRAVEL

r the world’s best spots to e v o c s ca Di

INSIDER VIEW

Friendly locals, great waves: you’ll love surfing in Bali

LINLEY LEWIS, CO-FOUNDER OF SURF AND SKI ADVENTURE SPECIALIST TICKET TO RIDE GROUP What’s your favourite surf beach and why? I was never brought up on a “home break” but I’ve been fortunate enough to travel round the world and visit a handful of breathtaking beaches and surf spots. Every beach is unique for its own reason and every one has something different to offer. I’ll rate a spot based on three criteria: the quality of the waves, the beauty of the setting, and the atmosphere in the water. Long Beach in Cape Town and Santa Teresa in Costa Rica are two huge standouts for me.

Where’s the best place to surf in the UK? Cornwall is the most popular place to surf in the UK. In the North East of England and Scotland, there are a handful of reef set-ups that are world-class on the big North Sea swells. Ireland’s coast is on the Atlantic and, as such, it’s more open to big waves.

surfers due to the huge swell it can pick up in autumn and winter. I’m bored with surfing. What now? For sexed-up horticulture, swing by The Eden Project and tour its space-age-style biomes, cavernous domes that contain thousands of different plant species. Meanwhile, nearby Tintagel Castle, which sits atop cliffs overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, is chock-full of the legends of King Arthur and Merlin.

BEST FOR…INTERMEDIATES Where? Hikkaduwa, Sri Lanka Why? The waves in Hikkaduwa are consistently up to one metre high – occasionally reaching 1.5 metres – and the water temperature is toasty-warm all year round. You won’t have to carry your board far as you can crash in one of the many guest houses situated right on the beach, with options for all price ranges. The resort has a chilled-out vibe with bars blaring out reggae tunes all day and restaurants serving up fresh seafoood. Travel by tuk-tuk to nearby surf beaches such as Midigama and Mirissa, where you can find waves of up to 3.6 metres. I’m bored with surfing. What now? Sri Lanka’s beaches are nesting grounds for five species of marine turtle. Within

easy reach of Hikkaduwa is the Kosgoda Turtle Hatchery, where you can see newborn hatchlings before they are released into the sea. While snorkeling or even surfing, you may be lucky enough to spot some fully grown turtles. You’ll also find a few operators that offer scuba diving trips. Although Sri Lanka isn’t really known for its vibrant sea-life, there are a few wrecks that merit exploration. If you’re travelling all the way to Sri Lanka, it’s worth heading inland to the country’s tea plantations. The country’s cultural wonders include Sigiriya where the remains of a 5th century palace can be found. Spend a few days in ancient capital Kandy where you can visit the elephant orphanage and the famed Temple of the Tooth.

See baby turtles in Sri Lanka

Kosgoda Turtle Hatchery, Getty Images

Where are the best surf beaches for beginners? Places with more mellow waves are good for beginners as they are much more forgiving and give you much more time to get to your feet, enabling you to enjoy the ride rather than throwing you into the pits, chewing you up and spitting you out. We begin our South Africa surfing course for beginners in Muizenberg, Cape Town, and I’ve never seen waves more suitable for newbies. We see people getting 45-second rides in their first lesson; it’s a world-class learn-to-surf spot. In the UK, we also run a surf school in Perranporth, West Cornwall which is also a great beach for learning to surf as the waves are soft and break from a long way out, giving people a long ride. There also aren’t too many learners in the water which means you can relax a bit more rather than looking over your shoulder every second.

BIG TRIP BEST FOR…BIG WAVE SURFERS

TRAVEL

Where? Hawaii Why? Long considered the birthplace of surfing, locals have been riding the waves since at least 1779, according to a diary entry by Captain James Cook. Oahu’s rugged North Shore offers massive waves in the winter thanks to giant swells generated by island storms. From May to October, wave worshippers make a beeline for the south shores of Waikiki Beach and Diamond Head Beach. The pristine island of Kauai boasts top surf spots including Poipu Beach. There are sheltered coves suitable for newbies too, as well as a surfeit of surf schools to help you hone your technique. I’m bored with surfing. What now? Hawaii’s latest craze is paddle surfing, which involves standing on the board and, erm, paddling. Goggle at the paradise-like landscape of Kauai by taking a helicopter ride over the waterfalls, mountains, canyons and lush, tropical landscapes that were featured in the movie Jurassic Park. Pearl Harbor is one of Hawaii’s most popular attractions. A total of 11,177 sailors and marines were killed when Battleship Arizona was attacked by the Japanese on December 7, 1941, catapulting the US into World War II.

Hawaii: great scenery, even better waves…

NEXT WEEK: VAN TOURS Tour France in a camper van for an adventure of a lifetime

… and a proud history of surfing

ËBEST OF THE REST: OTHER TOP SURF SPOTS BALI: Experienced surfers can find their ocean-fill of fun in Bali, which boasts more than 20 breaks on the southwest and southeast coasts and around the Uluwatu peninsula. Surf season is from April to October and top reef breaks can be found in Kuta, Uluwatu and Nusa Dua. There are also mellower beach breaks for novices. SPAIN: Spain’s northern coast is littered with quality waves suitable for both beginners and experienced surfers. Mundaka is justifiably king of the Spanish surf scene, but you’ll also find good waves at nearby Sopelana.

Getty Images, Thinkstock

MOROCCO: Surf hippies are in heaven here, thanks to guaranteed sunshine, bags of culture and dodgy blokes trying to sell you hash on every street. Long pointbreaks can be found near Agadir in beaches such as surf ghetto Taghazout. CANARY ISLANDS: These barren volcanic islands offer a wealth of lava-bottom surf spots for experienced surfers. Friendly breaks can be found on the islands of Lanzarote and Fuerteventura.

Morocco offers waves and adventure

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TRAVEL 77 TOURS tntmagazine.com

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europe

Hop-on Hop-off Europe

> 33 DESTINATIONS, 9 COUNTRIES 1 ESSENTIAL TRAVEL PASS & MANY NEW TRAVEL-FRIENDS > 14 GREAT TRAVEL OPTIONS FOR EVERY BUDGET ONE WAY AND LOOP TRIPS OR MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO ON THE FLEXITRIP > FULLY FLEXIBLE YOU’RE FREE TO GO WHERE YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT. START AND FINISH ANYWHERE

FULLY FLEXIBLE FREEDOM

> BUDGET BACKPACKING GET BACK TO BASICS – THE CHANGE IS IN YOUR POCKET! YOU CHOOSE WHERE TO EAT, SLEEP, DRINK, AND PARTY

HOW IT WORKS The options are endless, so choose your own style > Start and ﬁnish anywhere

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> Party with your bus-mates or do your

own thing > Travel from hostel door to hostel door > Be entertained by expert guides on all

the buses > No time constraints, so go with the ﬂow BOOK NOW - PAY LATER BOOK NOW and start planning your dream trip. Pay £100 deposit now and the rest 45 days before departure

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Festivals & Adventures

TRAVEL 81 TOURS

4 ISLAND FLEXI HOPPER 9 DAYS TO 5 MONTHS FROM £229-£269

The only guide led ﬂexible Greek island hopping experience. From partying in one of the hundreds of clubs to chilling out along the miles of beaches or discovering ancient ruins and natural wonders. Unique and legendary! INCLUDES: All ferries, orientation walks of each island & Busabout Guide EASTER IN PARIS 4 DAYS 22 APRIL £279

Make the most of your long weekend and head over to the stunning French capital and party in style. INCLUDES: Coach & ferry from London, all hostel dorm accommodation, breakfasts, 2 dinners, trip to Palace of Versailles with picnic lunch, bike tour, river cruise & Paris night tour ITALIAN ADVENTURE 3 DAYS MAY-SEPTEMBER FROM £169-£199

Italian Adventure

Italy is in a league of its own. It has style, passion, stunning history and a culture few fail to fall in love with. With two nights spent in Sorrento, there’s plenty of time to explore the Amalﬁ Coast and the glamour of Capri, as well as the eerie ruins of Pompeii. INCLUDES: Accommodation, entry to Pompeii and guided tour, boat trip around Capri, orientation tour of Sorrento, Limoncello and chocolate tasting IBIZA ISLAND HOPPER 8 DAYS JULY-SEPTEMBER FROM £479-£529

There are two ways to go:

1. RETOX THEN DETOX (Ibiza-Mallorca-Menorca) 2. DETOX THEN RETOX (Menorca-Mallorca-Ibiza)

This trip is seriously good stuff. You get to experience each island but have two ‘one-way options to choose’ from. Go crazy in Ibiza and laze away the days on the beaches of Mallorca and Menorca. INCLUDES: Accommodation, breakfast, ferry tickets & Busabout Guide

MORE ADVENTURES ONLINE Spain & Portugal, Greek Island Hopper, Egypt & Morocco

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Croatia Sailing WATCH THE CLIP www.busabout.com/croatia

TAKE A TRADITIONAL CROATIAN CRUISER WITH ITS LOCAL CREW, THE WARM, CRYSTAL CLEAR WATERS OF THE ADRIATIC, A BUNCH OF TRAVELLERS SEEKING FUN AND ADVENTURE AND ADD A BUSABOUT GUIDE. THE RESULT? ONLY ONE OF THE BEST WEEKS OF YOUR LIFE…..

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15% OFF STANDARD SAVE UP TO £106 Book by 1 May

Inclusions s s s s s s s

7 nights accommodation 7 breakfasts 7 lunches Island orientation walks Orientations of Split and Dubrovnik English speaking Busabout Guide Expert local guides / fuel supplement

Highlights

8 DAYS WAS FROM £377 - £736

8 DAYS WAS FROM £397 - £747

Departs Split (May – October)

Departs Split or Dubrovnik (May – October)

Croatia

Croatia Split 1

Pucisca 1

Hvar 1

1 1

No. of overnight stays

Bol 1 Vis 1

Makarska

1 1

Hvar 1 Korcula Mljet 1

Mljet 1 1

Split

Makarska Korcula

Start Split Start Dubrovnik

Dubrovnik

No. of overnight stays

Dubrovnik

s Anchor up and jump off the boat into the Adriatic

s Enjoy fantastic views while sipping

s s s s s s s

cocktails at the top of a 14th Century tower in Korcula – best seats reserved for Busabout Exclusive after dark parties in Dubrovnik Scale the city walls of Dubrovnik the best way to spy-out the ocean side bars nestled into the cliffs Enjoy a free shot at Hvar – exclusive for Busabout Try your hand at ﬁshing or even catching a squid off the back of the boat Captain the Pirate Cruiser as it sails along the Dalmatian Coast BBQs in secluded bays Party till dawn in a Croatian cave bar

The Crew

Our Fleet

Locally born Captains have been sailing Dalmatia since they were in nappies like Tonci who helped us pioneer the One-Way Sailing trip back in 2007. Their food on board is plentiful, the little hideaway bays they show us are exceptional and their energy and desire to show off their country is irrepressible!

Our years of experience with the local suppliers means we have the best traditional Croatian Cruisers to sail the Adriatic. Our ﬂeet offer twin shared cabins, some with en suites, cool breezy dining rooms and sun-decks to laze and enjoy happy hours and sunsets.’

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Eastern Europe Treks

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CZECH REPUBLIC, POLAND, SLOVAKIA, HUNGARY & CROATIA

CROATIA, SLOVENIA, AUSTRIA & CZECH REPUBLIC

CZECH REPUBLIC, POLAND, SLOVAKIA & HUNGARY

9 DAYS FROM £519 - £559

7 DAYS FROM £409 - £449

7 DAYS FROM £429 - £469

Nightclubbing in Krakow, thermal baths in Budapest, Plitvice and the Croatian coast. Incl. accommodation & loads more.

Beach parties in Pag, the Emerald River, Salzburg Schnapps’ farm and Prague. Incl. accommodation & loads more.

Weekend in Krakow and some little gems like Zakopane and Olomouc. Incl. accommodation & loads more.

TOURS

TRAVEL

Classic Rhapsody Trek

Classic Balkan Trek

Ottoman Trek

FOR ALL OUR TREKS THAT START OR FINISH IN SPLIT CHECK OUT CROATIA SAILING TRIPS Croatia 1

Split

Montenegro

Dubrovnik

9 DAYS FROM £519 - £559

Turkey

Budva 1

Durres

Albania

New!

Istanbul to Split via Athens. Do the whole thing or hop off in Greece to go island hopping... Incl. accommodation & loads more.

No. of overnight stays

TURKEY, GREECE, ALBANIA, MONTENEGRO & CROATIA

Greece

Istanbul

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7 DAYS FROM £439 - £479

Going further east than ever before from the Croatian coast to the edge of Asia. Incl. accommodation & loads more.

Balkan Trek ATHENS TO SPLIT

Gallipoli

Thessaloniki

Meterora

6 DAYS FROM £354 - £389

Budva and the best beach culture in Montenegro, the island Corfu and unspoilt Albanian beaches. Incl. accommodation & loads more.

Corfu 1

Athens

Mini Balkan ISTANBUL TO ATHENS 4 DAYS FROM £239 - £259

Meteora cliff top monasteries, Gallipoli beach, Lone Pine cemetery and Athens. Incl. accommodation & loads more. FOR ALL OUR TREKS THAT START OR FINISH IN ATHENS CHECK OUT GREEK ISLAND HOPPER

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Contiki Europe The summer of your life\

throw a coin in the trevi fountain\ flamenco in barcelona\ swim in the arctic circle\ wonder at the colosseum\ climb the eiffel tower\ sing in a german beer hall\ picnic in the french countryside\ island hop the greek islands\ cycle the dutch countryside\ trek the swiss alps\ check out the pyramids\ stroll the champs elysees\ & many more

NEW!

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Includes:

3 nights multishare accommodation Tour of the city's canals & gable houses by night Entrance to KeukenhofTulipGardens Visit to a fishing & cheese village Bicycle tour of the Dutch countryside Visit a cheese farm & clog maker's house Daily Breakfasts & 1 Dinner

22 April £209 contiki.com/easter

Australian + NZ Dawn Ceremonies Fully guided tour of Gallipoli battle sites Guided tour of old Istanbul 2 nights 3 star accommodation Contiki commemorative ANZAC hoodie Airport transfers to hotel *

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TRAVEL 85 TOURS

SUMMER EUROPE ON SALE

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EARLY SEASON DISCOUNTS

WAS £387

WAS £437

NOW

£350 £395 ^

INCLUDES €20 LOCAL PAYMENT

8 DAYS

DUBROVNIK TO DUBROVNIK

ENSUITE - NOVI DAN

WAS £572

WAS £472

NOW

£425 £515 ^

WAS £520

WAS £650

£439 £550 ^

INCLUDES US$210 LOCAL PAYMENT

INCLUDES US$270 LOCAL PAYMENT

7 DAYS

9 DAYS

Dep. 30 APR 2011

Dep. 28 APR 2011

JORDAN ADVENTURE SYRIA & JORDAN

SPLIT TO SPLIT

ENSUITE - STONCICA

Dep. 17 APR 2011

SPIRIT OF EGYPT NOW

STANDARD - SENIA

DUBROVNIK TO SPLIT

Dep. 17 & 24 APR 2011

INCLUDES €20 LOCAL PAYMENT

WAS £590

WAS £1050

£540 £955 ^

INCLUDES US$200 LOCAL PAYMENT

NOW

8 DAYS

STANDARD - VRGADA

SPLIT TO SPLIT

10 DAYS

NILE DISCOVERY

NOW

8 DAYS

8 DAYS NOW

NE MAY & ALL E ED JUS T C L E SE ARTUR DEP

INCLUDES US$200 LOCAL PAYMENT

83 72

2))

trips for 18 to 30 somethings

L8291 / Y2992

www.topdeck.travel Subject to availability. Prices & discounts available for speciﬁc departures only. Egypt prices include local payment based on US$1 = £0.614. Local Payment must be made locally in US Dollars. Exchange rate correct at time of printing, and subject to currency ﬂuctuations, depending when payment is made. Discounts cannot be combined with any other offer. ^ Flights not included

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TRAVEL

EXPLORER: Small groups that get off the beaten track

EUROCLUB: Hostels to hotels, bungalows, castles & yachts

EUROHOTEL: Outstanding locations with bags of character

22 DAYS

28 DAYS

Dep. All Summer Season!

Dep. 15 May & 12 Jun 2011

Dep. 26 May & 9 Jun 2011

Dep. 24 May 2011

NORTHERN EXPOSURE

EUROPE UNCOVERED VISITS 12 COUNTRIES! Includes Rome, Venice, Croatia, Salzburg, Prague, plus more!

WAS

£1185

£1410

£1945

VISITS 15 COUNTRIES! Includes Paris, Barcelona, Rome, Vienna, Budapest, plus more!

WAS

£2590

£1300 £1750 £2070 ^

FROM

£1395

FROM

VISITS 6 COUNTRIES! Includes Berlin, Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm, Tallinn, plus more!

FROM

SEE THE VERY BEST OF FRANCE! Includes Paris, Loire Valley, Bordeaux, Monaco, plus more!

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TOURS

14 DAYS

SKYE HIGH 3 DAYS

ÂŁ109 (STUDENTS ÂŁ99) Isle of Skye, Loch Ness & Glencoe

HIGHLAND FLING 5 DAYS TRAVEL

ÂŁ179 (STUDENTS ÂŁ164)

TOURS

DEPARTS LONDON

Loch Ness, Isle of Skye & North West Highlands

COMPASS BUSTER 10 DAYS ÂŁ399 (STUDENTS ÂŁ379)

guides nate locaalnd & wales io ss pa * tland, engl * scover ever cancel * ne% recommendation ide * 99 ee lonely planet gu * fr

Orkney, Western Isles, Isle of Skye & Loch Ness

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EDINBURGH, INVERNESS & ISLE OF SKYE INCLUDING: * Guided return coach from London to Edinburgh * A fully guided â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wild & Sexyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; tour to the Scottish Highlands * Two nights hostel accommodation & breakfast in Edinburgh * Two nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hostel accommodation & breakfasts in the Highlands

3 DAYS ÂŁ159 DEPARTS EDINBURGH

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INVERNESS & ISLE OF SKYE INCLUDING: * A fully guided â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wild & Sexyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; tour to the Scottish Highlands * Two nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hostel accommodation & breakfasts in the Highlands

Stonehenge, Newquay, Bath & Landâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s End

FREE SURFING LESSON ON NEWQUAY BEACH (WORTH ÂŁ30)

WELSH EXPLORER 5 DAYS ÂŁ189 (STUDENTS ÂŁ179) Cardiff, Snowdonia, Brecon Beacons & Conwy Castle

FREE ENTRY TO THE BIG PIT COAL MINE & ENTRY INTO CONWY CASTLE

EASTER DEPARTURE APRIL

5, 7 & 10 DAY TRIPS

EASTER IN WALES 3 DAYS ÂŁ159 DEPARTS LONDON

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EGYPT IN THE FOOTSTEPS

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Egyptâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Spots & The Red Sea PHARAOHS ADVENTURE - 6 days KING TUTANKHAMEN - 9 days EGYPT UNPLUGGED - 10 days DIVE DAHAB - 10 days KING RAMSES - 13 days 5-STAR JEWEL OF THE NILE - 10 days

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We had Waleed as our tour guide an d he is Abu Simbel when the sun came up on phenomenal. Going into the Solstice was SO With the drums go INCREDIBLE! ing it still gives me go and the whirling tanoura dancer s ... ose bumps when I think about it! Thank you for ever ything I will book ON TH E GO for everything I can! Not one complaint came out of the group that we had!!â&#x20AC;?

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HOP ON BOARD ONE OF OUR EGG-CELLENT . . .

EASTER BREAKS Friday 22nd - Monday 25th April ISLE OF WIGHT

NETHERLANDS, GERMANY & BELGIUM

£229

Entrance to Osborne House & visit to the Needles.

TOURS

EDINBURGH BY RAIL

£289

Return rail travel, hotel accommodation, guided sightseeing tour with a local Scottish guide!

PARIS BY EUROSTAR

£299

Return travel & transfers, hotel accommodation & guided city sightseeing tour.

HOLLAND & BELGIUM

£269

Amsterdam, Brugge, Breakfasts, 3 course Dinners & FREE BAR!

SPECIAL EVENT TOURS CYCLING IN THE NEW FOREST

£55

14th May Includes: Return train travel, full bike & helmet hire, free time to explore Brockenhurst or surrounding villages.

£269 Staying in Valkenburg (Netherlands) with visits to Keukenhof Gardens (entrance included) Cologne (Germany) Amsterdam & Brugge (Belgium). GERMANY RHINELAND

PARIS & CHAMPAGNE REGION

DAY TRIPS & SHORT BREAKS SHORT BREAKS AMSTERDAM & BRUGGE BUDGET Departs: 13th May

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(Silver Ring Enclosure) Sat 18th June

Departs: 20th May

£69pp Included in the price: return luxury coach

PARIS BY EUROSTAR

TAKE THAT AMSTERDAM

£279

17-19 July 2011 pp Includes concert tickets, return travel from London & half board accommodation!

CARTIER INTERNATIONAL POLO

£55

Sun 24 July from pp Includes: Return luxury coach, picnic lunch including wine & general admission to the Guards Polo Club for the polo event.

ALSO HORSE RIDING IN WALES £149 (Overnight) & BRIGHTON BY COACH £40

MAY BANK HOLIDAYS 29TH APRIL - 1ST MAY • PARIS & CHAMPAGNE REGION £265 • GERMANY RHINELAND £265

£235

(Departs Easter Saturday). Visit the world famous Champagne Houses of Taittinger and Pommery with an included glass of Champagne at each one.

ROYAL ASCOT FINALE DAY

travel, light refreshments including bubbly & entry.

£265

Included Rhine River boat cruise, visit to a typical German Weinhaus for wine tasting, excursion through the Moselle Valley & visit to the Belgian town of Ghent.

Departs: 28th May

£189

£199

£259

EDINBURGH BY RAIL £165 Departs: 17th June

OVERNIGHT TOURS (Bakewell, Peak District & York) Departs: 16th April

£109

Horse Riding in Wales Overnight Departs: 16th April £149 Hilton Overnight Southern England (Oxford, Bath & Stonehenge) Departs: 21st May £109

DAY TRIPS ¸ Sat 16th April: Cambridge £40 or York by train £49 ¸ Sun 17th April: Cotswolds: £40 ¸ Sun 24th April: Leeds Castle & Rochester £49 ¸ Mon 25th April: Brighton £40 or Windsor, Eton & Oxford £50 ¸ Sun 1st May: Windsor & Hampton Court £40

PLUS Stonehenge & Bath EVERYDAY £52 with entrances to Stonehenge & the Roman Bath’s included! Windsor, Eton & Oxford EVERY Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday Only £45

30TH APRIL 1ST MAY • PARIS BY EUROSTAR £249 • HOLLAND & BELGIUM £239 • BELGIUM £229 • LIVERPOOL & THE LAKE DISTRICT £159

LUXURY MINI COACH TOURS No more than 15 people with customer specified pick ups in zone 1 Only

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¸ EVERYDAY - Oxford, Stratford & Cotswolds ¸ EVERYDAY - Stonehenge, Glasto, Avebury & Chalice Well ¸ EVERY SATURDAY & SUNDAY - Leeds Castle, Canterbury & White Cliffs of Dover

www.andersontours.co.uk or call 0207 436 9304 Anderson Tours Travel Shop, 81 Charlotte Street, London W1T 4PP

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RUSSIA

& TRANS-SIBERIAN

93 TOURS

RUSSIA

GO BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN AND DISCOVER PUKKA RUSSIA SIMPLY ST. PETE’S - 4 days £249 MOOD FOR MOSCOW - 4 days £299 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM - 4 days £329 VODKA SHOT - 6 days £429 BACK IN THE USSR - 7 days £629 RUSSIAN REVOLUTION - 9 days £699 GOODBYE USSR - 9 days £799 ROUTE OF THE ROMANOVS - 10 days £1149

THE LEGENDARY

TRANS-SIBERIAN RAILWAY RED EXPRESS - 10 days GENGHIS KHAN - 13 days HIGHWAY TO CHINA - 15 days BIG TICKET - 19 days

Why ON THE GO are number #1 for Group Tours • • • • • • • •

ABTA, ATOL & AITO - 100% ﬁnancial protection Well located 3-5 star accommodation Excellent enthusiastic local guides No compulsory ‘single supplement’ No ‘local payment’ Year-round guaranteed departures Taking you off the beaten track Great Christmas and New Year tours

“OLGA WAS AN EXC

£799 £999 £1349 £1799

She went way abov LLENT GUIDE! e very knowledgeabl what was expected, e as well as telling us all about Russia n everyday life. I am history, culture and very pleased with th whole experience . Thanks on the go e !” Taryn D, Jun 2010

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Seasonal supplements may apply

CALL OR GO ONLINE FOR OUR BROCHURE ONTHEGOTOURS.COM ABTA, AITO AND ATOL PROTECTED

AFRICA CHINA EGYPT INDIA RUSSIA SOUTH AMERICA JORDAN HIMALAYAS MOROCCO CROATIA TURKEY SRI LANKA ANTARCTICA

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ON THE GO TOURS, 68 NORTH END ROAD, WEST KENSINGTON, LONDON W14 9EP

ON THE GO ADVISORS AVAILABLE 9AM - 9PM

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AFRICA JORDAN &

95 TOURS

AFRICA

WILDLIFE, SCENERY, CULTURE, ADRENALINE GORILLAS IN THE MIST - 6 days £430 ELEPHANTS & FALLS - 9 days £529 GORILLA & GAME TREK - 15 days £720 WILDLIFE EXPRESS - 22 days £729 KILIMANJARO - 8 days £949 BIG FIVE EXPLORER - 36 days £1385 KENYA TO CAPE - 43 days £1419 GREAT AFRICAN EXPEDITION - 57 days £1979

JORDAN

DEAD SEA, PETRA, WADI RUM, RED SEA! PASSAGE TO PETRA - 6 days £599 TOTALLY JORDAN - 8 days £779 ROAD TO JORDAN - 16 days £949 ARABIAN HIGHWAY - 11 days £1249 ROAD TO DAMASCUS - 14 days £1599

Why ON THE GO are number #1 for Group Tours • • • • • • • •

“T H E T O U R W

I TRULY EN AS GREAT AND MINUTE OFJOYED EVERY I T ... The tour has

been feel like I have very well organised and I se being rushed en a core of Jordan with . I very much o u t enjo the 3rd day, w hen I had the yed Petra on explore the si opportunity to te and have the from many different ang les time to absorb it!” Tom May

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CALL OR GO ONLINE FOR OUR BROCHURE ONTHEGOTOURS.COM ABTA, AITO AND ATOL PROTECTED

AFRICA CHINA EGYPT INDIA RUSSIA SOUTH AMERICA JORDAN HIMALAYAS MOROCCO CROATIA TURKEY SRI LANKA ANTARCTICA

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ON THE GO TOURS, 68 NORTH END ROAD, WEST KENSINGTON, LONDON W14 9EP

ON THE GO ADVISORS AVAILABLE 9AM - 9PM

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TRAVEL 96

ANZAC DAY

CROATIA SAILING A & A+ CATEGORY BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! ■ 7 Nights

TOURS

WESTERN FRONT

JUN-SEP

fr£389

We sail Croatia’s best islands & route! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Trstenik ✔ Korcula ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac Cat A: JUN £389 JUL £439 AUG £439 Cat A+: JUL £439-469 AUG £439-469 SEP £439 ✔ Top quality boats, unbeatable prices ✔ Select your room & boat when you book ✔ Experienced Fanatics rep on board every tour ✔ Package price includes fuel surcharges & port taxes ✔ Get more for your money with Fanatics in Croatia!

PAMPLONA SPAIN’S CRAZY RUNNING OF THE BULLS!

PAMPLONA – CAMPING: The closest, biggest & best party campsite in Pamplona!! ■ 4 Days £159 ■ 5 Days £174 ■ 6 Days £189

SAN SEBASTIAN – CAMPING & HOSTEL: The ideal mix of sun, sand, sea, sangria... & bulls!!! ■ Camping – 4 Days £159, 5 Days £174, 6 Days £189 ■ Hostel - 4 Days £249

PAMPLONA – HOTEL: 5-8 JUL £329 COMBO TOURS: ■ Barca Bulls Fiesta ■ San Seb + Pamps ■ Pamps + Ibiza

2-8 JUL £329 3-8 or 5-10 JUL £239 5-11 JUL £359

& Lagos!

BOARDMASTERS UK’S BIGGEST MUSIC, BEACH & SURF FESTIVAL!

The world ’s biggest food fight! 31 AUG ■ Beach Camping Package £139 ■ City Centre Hostels/Hotels £169/£159 ■ Barcelona + La Tom Double £259 ■ La Tom-Ibiza Combo Tours £329 ■ Barcelona, Ibiza, La Tom Treble £429

GREEK ISLANDS Tours start in Athens every Saturday JUN-SEP ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Paros ✔ Athens Amazing value! Package price includes: ✔ 8 or 10 Nights accommodation ✔ Breakfast daily ✔ High speed ferries between Athens & all the islands ✔ Experienced Fanatics Greek Islands tour reps ✔ Superb parties ✔ Unbeatable group atmosphere

OKTOBERFEST ■ Weekend Camping £149 ■ Weekend Hostels fr£189 ■ Weekend Hotel £349 ■ Prague & Buda Fest 8 Day Tour £329 ■ London 6 Day Coach Tours £249 All weekend packages three nights Friday-Monday. Mid-week camping & hostel options also available!

✔ Huge line up featuring FAT BOY SLIM! ✔ ASP world surfing tour event ✔ Watergate Bay Music Festival ticket ✔ Return coach from London

PALIO SIENA ITALY’S CRAZY 350 YEAR OLD FESTIVAL

15-18 AUG 15-24 AUG 15 AUG-1 SEP

LA TOMATINA

MUNICH’S INCREDIBLE BEER FESTIVAL! 17 SEP-3 OCT

12-14 AUG £179

■ Hostel Package ■ Palio to Rome All-Italia ■ Palio-Tomatina Odyssey

JOIN OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED ANZAC TOURS WWI French & Belgian battlefields + Anzac Day services ✔ The Somme ✔ Villers-Bretonneaux ✔ Ypres ✔ Fromelles 23-25 APR £299 ■ TWO NIGHT EUROSTAR TOUR ✔ Dep London Easter Saturday, Return Easter Monday ■ MAKE YOUR OWN WAY 23-25 APR £249 ■ ONE-WAY EUROSTAR 23-25 APR £269

GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER ■ 9 DAYS £399 ■ 11 DAYS £489

COACH TOURS: 6, 7 & 8 Day Tours ex-London fr £269 TRANSFERS: Barcelona, Bilbao, Madrid, Rock Werchter

■ Newquay, Cornwall

Ideal Easter d! Weeken

£149 £549 £979

✔ Florence ✔ Venice ✔ Milan ✔ Pisa ✔ Rome ✔ Siena ✔ Barcelona ✔ Ibiza ✔ La Tomatina ✔ Palio Festival

SKIFEST SPEND XMAS & NYE IN THE FRENCH ALPS! ■ 6 Days on the snow all-incl fr£529 ✔ Flight & coach travel ✔ Accom ✔ Ski pass & hire

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

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Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm

TRAVEL

GO Egypt! Egyptian Express

Â£229

TOURS

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9 DAYS from

Pyramids & Beaches (J\SWLDQ ([SUHVV WRXU 3/86 QLJKW VWD\ LQ VWDU FHQWUDOO\ ORFDWHG KRWHO LQ 'DKDE RQ WKH 5HG 6HD $& 79 DQG VZLPPLQJ SRRO OHDUQ WR GLYH SDFNDJHV DYDLO

15 DAYS from

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summer festivals!

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Xmas & New Year tours

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TRAVEL TOURS

Order your FREE brochure today

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CROATIA

SUN, SAND, SEA , SAIL!

99 TOURS

SAILING CROATIA

SAIL CRYSTAL CLEAR WATER FOR 8 GLORIOUS DAYS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

ADVENTURE WEEKEND PARTIES IN WALES We leave from West London every Friday evening at 6:30pm. Our trips are great for groups of mates, singles or couples. HORSE RIDING (ALL DAY) over the Brecon Beacons national park, suitable for first timers or experienced. We ride over mountains and ancient Roman bridleways, it’s the best ride in the UK, with great scenery. The sore ass is on us and guaranteed, but we’ll put muscle soak in the hot tub for you. £195 HILL WALKING (map supplied but unguided) or you can just CHILL, £135. The accommodation has double rooms, dorms & open log fire. It also has a huge covered hot tub next to a river with music. At night you can party all you like and no need to get up early on Sunday (big late breakfast) Our food is simply the best, we even make bread and roast our own coffee. So if you would like to relax & escape London then give us a call on 01874 636170 open till 10pm. Included in all prices are return transport, 2 nights accommodation, all food and activity. There are no hidden extras.

Email: info@bushwakkers.co.uk website: www.bushwakkers.co.uk Perfect for private parties for any reason. (We are fully qualified and all legalities are in place so no wukking furries)

Looking for a tour?

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Sailing Split Cruise Dubrovnik On-board Opatija Dalmatian Discovery

8 DAYS 8 DAYS 8 DAYS 8 DAYS

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Why On The Go for Croatia?

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“ TH E SA IL IN G W A S A M

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Thanks so much for all the It’s a great place to go esp helpful tips on our trip to Croatia. eci crowded so cheers for the ally in May as it wasn’t very advice, we loved it! The group were really gre at fun too!!

J&J

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post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com

married! Thank you. See tntmagazine.com/seeking. Cletus: Five important lessons you have learnt from your time in 8A and London! 1) If you stand on a toilet seat it will break. 2) Flights should not be amended when drunk or hungover. 3) If you give birth to rice – you need to get checked out. 4) Steam trains are the best form of transport. 5) “You are dead to me” is not the best chat up line. Here’s to the mad nights and weekends, it’s been a blast. We’ll miss you loads. From 8A xxx Desperately seeking … the recently dumped girl who allowed me to vent like a madman: After an endlessly

frustrating day, I needed to vent about London’s overrated public transportation and you were there with open ears, bright eyes and a smile. You made a point of telling me that a fellow Canadian recently dumped you and I was too caught up with my venting to see the hint you were giving me. I probably could have gotten off at London Bridge with you to get your number, but instead shuddered at the thought of taking a night bus

home. Oh, what a mistake that was. I’d ride night buses all night for another shot with you. Sincerely, Newly Sedated Canadian Boy. See tntmagazine.com/seeking. Happy anniversary, Beaver:

Who’d have thought that you and I would stick together for all these years! You didn’t really seem to be my type that first time I met you at The Grand. But hey, you have changed – and guess you changed me too in the process. It’s been a ball and I love you more than anything. Nelly. Looking for girls to go to She Bu Walkie with: Hi there! My

name is Victoria and I’m looking for girls who like to have fun, and would like to go to She Bu (Shepherd’s Bush Walkabout) on Sundays ... I can’t go every week as I work some Sundays but I was looking for someone that I could have fun with. I normally have pretty good time there and that involves a lot of dancing, a lot of drinking and sometimes flirting ... I don’t mind your background as I’m not Aussie or NZ, but if you are, great!!! Interested? Give me a shout at

Desperately Seeking is a reader forum, and all messages should be within the spirit of the page; TNT cannot take responsibility for offence caused. No phone numbers can be printed. Messages may be edited for publication. See tntmagazine.com/seeking

msvickoria@gmail.com. Looking for a gym buddy as well close to Fulham Broadway or willing to exercise there, as I’m going to David Lloyds there. Take care everyone!!! Dopey: Goodbye little one! What will Snow White do once her sole source of entertainment is gone? I’ll have to resort to watching Friends re-runs over and over again. Been an absolutely pleasure having you in the house over the last few months, you’re welcome to move back in with me anytime. You really are a diamond geezer, trapped in a small body but with a humongous sense of humour. Love you long time, Bel. Reply to ‘No Strings Attatched!!!’: A Kiwi

guy from Wimbledon way, but Acton isn’t too far to go for a bit of action... Give me a time and a place to meet and we’ll see what happens from there. See tntmagazine. com/seeking. Jonesy: Happy 21st birthday bro! We hope you’re ready for your Big Bad Birthday surprise. Well we’ve got it all planned for ya! Might be good to have a 24-hour detox before we start. We have reason to believe that things could turn quite messy. Stop looking all innocent now, you know what we mean! Have a good one! The Fulham Rd crew. Muppet: Miss you. Life in London just ain’t no fun without ya. Wish I was a rich girl so I could pop over for a bevvie, but there’s only £20.53 in the bank so poor me will have to wait till Xmas. B x

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We met at the checkout in the Tesco Express on Victoria St – so auspicious! We got chatting when you guessed from my accent that I was from Brisbane and we walked down the road together. You asked me for a drink but I said ‘no’ because I had a boyfriend. Well, now I don’t! Wish I’d taken your number and can’t even remember your name ... Pleeeease get in touch. PS. You bought a baked potato! Sherie. Email bakedpotatoguy@hotmail.com Jambo mambo: Happy birthday for Saturday honey! Let’s hope it’s a beautiful day for a beautiful girl. Might not be quite like the (in)famous birthday braais at Blouberg with Table Mountain as the backdrop, but, hey, birthday lunch in Hyde Park is pretty special too. Just like you, my special friend! Love, Janine and Lauren. Dear Stalker Jen: We’ve just read your message and thought you could do with some friendly advice, I’m surprised your girlfriends haven’t enlightened you. He’s just not that in to you. Don’t worry there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I’m sure Dean from the Elk Bar is alive and well, now go out and find yourself a new one, because you’re worth it!

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