TNT Magazine / Issue 1456

July 25-31 2011 Issue 1456 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

AN EXTREM E SAILING TRIP FOR TWO

GOING FOR GOLD: Six of the best athletes to watch out for at 2012

THE THRIFTY REVOLUTION Your guide to the Vintage Festival & secondhand London

PROST! Time to book your place at the bar for Oktoberfest

S S O B E H T I’M

ston on Jennifer Ani

ew film n r e h n i t o ho sexp c y s p g n i n r u t

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 085 0355 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Welcome to your new-look TNT Magazine. It’s a bold and exciting design, and one which we hope you, our readers, will love. Our London coverage has been extended, so TNT is all you need to find out what’s on in the capital.

We’ve added lifestyle, health, beauty and shopping. And we’ve expanded our travel section, so you need look no further when planning your next adventure. Let us know what you think – carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

THIS WEEK LONDON DIARY

4-5

LONDON NEWS

6

MY LONDON

12

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

LONDON SOUND

18-19

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

20-21

SPOTTED

22

COMPETITION

23

LONDON FOCUS

24-26

CHATROOM ROB DA BANK

Front Cover: Getty. This page: Getty; TNT

LONDON SCENE

29

8

30-31

SPARE TIME

36

COMPETITION

37

LIFESTYLE

39-47

SHOPPING

39

FEATURES RETRO RENAISSANCE

8-11

Step back in time at the London Vintage Festival

HEALTH & BEAUTY

40-41

CAREERS

42-43

WHO’S THE BOSS?

LIVING

46-47

NEWS & SPORT

48-59

Jennifer Aniston gives us the lowdown on her new film, Horrible Bosses

TRAVEL

61-82

DIARY

62

NEWS

63

LATE DEALS

66

TOP FIVE

68-69

TIPS & STUFF

70-71

SHORTBREAK

72-74 75

HOTSHOTS

76-77

48 HOURS IN...

CLASSIFIEDS

110-121

DESPERATELY SEEKING

122

CRACKING THE CODE

32-34

78

52-53

Just how easy is it to hack into someone else’s digital life?

SIX OF THE BEST

54-55

Twelve months out from London 2012, the six athletes to keep an eye on

HIGH LIFE

64-65

Embrace your inner child and go tree-climbing on the Isle of Wight

BEER O’CLOCK

78-82

Gear up for the adventure of a lifetime at Oktoberfest in Munich

54 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Travel Janine Kelso Entertainment Alison Grinter News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writers Rebecca Kent Clare Vooght

LONDONDIARY

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Truly immersive: burlesque’s lighter side

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Astrid Breacker Design and production executives Justine Mackay | Laura Doyle Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified sales manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison Eddie Clinton | Stuart Shirra Michael Darrington | Donovan Smith Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Finance director Nick Crampton Accounts Margaret Roberts TNT PUBLISHING CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Publishing Ltd DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES AAP AP Alamy Getty Images NZPA PA Photos Photolibrary.com Pictures Colour Library Reuters Rex Features Robert Harding SAPA TNT Images TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com PHONE

Shhh... SECRET LONDON BURLESQUE IN YOUR KITCHEN AT PROUD KITCHEN IN CAMDEN

London’s burlesque explosion continues, with this latest instalment bringing a lighter touch to the genre. Whether you’re having a sit-down dinner or just popping in for a drink, Proud Kitchen offers a truly immersive experience, with jugglers and contortionists coming down from the stage to entertain and terrorise guests in equal measure. Amid all that, the food might seem like a bit of an afterthought, but Proud Kitchen also has a fantastic new menu – be sure to try the steamed mussels with cider and bacon sauce. £10

Wed-Fri Proud Kitchen, Stables Market, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH

proudcamden.com

WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Camden Town

FOODIES FESTIVAL

JAMEEL PRIZE ‘11

BUCKINGHAM PALACE OPENING

Anyone who’s obsessed with their tastebuds and putting on a show in the kitchen won’t regret making the trip to Battersea Park. Some of the country’s best produce is on sale and you can also score plenty of cooking tips from the interactive masterclasses. Don’t miss the world record attempt to make an enormous cheese.

As part of the Shubbak Festival, which celebrates Arab culture in the capital, the Jameel Prize exhibits and awards the best work inspired by Islamic traditions.

Anyone who has travelled to the Middle East, and marvelled at the beauty of the craftmanship and the spectacular mosaics, will be fascinated.

For a few months each year, the palace throws its doors open to the commoners and, amazingly, you’re allowed inside, rather than being expected to just sit in the stables. Highlights include the Grand Hall and the Picture Gallery. It’s a rare chance to bathe in the royal opullence, so make the most of it before shuffling back to your run-down sharehouse.

July 29-31 Battersea Park, Queenstown Rd, SW11 4NJ foodiesfestival.com Battersea Park

Until September 25 V&A Museum, Cromwell Rd, SW7 2RL vam.ac.uk South Kensington

Until October 3 Buckingham Palace Rd, SW1A 1AA royalcollection.org.uk Victoria

£15

FREE

£17

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Stylish: Dolce & Gabbana

MASTERS OF STYLE

Celebrating The stories Behind Italian Fashion £6

It’s a stylish journey down memory lane at this exhibition, which brings together photographs from the campaigns of the biggest names in European fashion, such as Armani, Prada, Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana. The collection offers an insight into the passion and influences behind the styles which still sway designers today. Those with an eye for the finer things will be in heaven.

Until August 14 Somerset House, WC2R 1LA

REAL FOOD MARKET

Charing Cross

BALHAM FRINGE AT THE BEDFORD FREE

It’s now a weekly event that has about 40 independent food and drink vendors set up shop in the middle of South Bank. If you’re after fresh produce, it’s among the best one-stop shops for whatever you need – whether it’s a good joint of meat, fresh fish or the best seasonal fruit and vegetables.

The Balham Bedford hosts hilarious comics previewing material for the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. In three days of cracking stand-up, you’re sure to find something that tickles your funny-bone. If you’re lucky, you’ll manage to avoid those awkward situations where the comedian picks you out of the audience for ridicule.

July 29-31 Southbank Centre Square, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX vam. ac.uk South Kensington

July 29-31 The Bedford, 77 Bedford Hill, W12 9HD freefringe.org.uk Balham

FREE

Photos: TNT

somersethouse.org.uk

LONDONNEWS

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OLYMPICS COULD CREATE TOURISM LULL The agency charged with promoting tourism to London believes the 2012 Olympic Games could cause a downturn in the number of visitors to the capital.

London & Partners has acknowledged there “could be a problem” with people shunning the capital because a shortage of accommodation. Tom Jenkins, head of the European Tour Operators Association, echoed those concerns: “I think the worsecase scenario is effectively a close-down of London as a tourist destination.”

Out of work: Sir Paul Stephenson

Are they like most Irish builders? Are we working on estimates?

Deputy mayor Richard Barnes offends Irish builders when talking about the costs of redeveloping Euston station

KING’S CROSS SET FOR MAJOR REFRUB Plans for a new public square, as part of the redevelopment of King’s Cross station, have been unveiled by Network Rail.

Spanning more than 7000 square metres, the new King’s Cross Square will be 50 per cent bigger than Leicester Square, opening up the space currently occupied by the 1970s concourse extension and revealing the stunning Grade 1-listed Victorian station façade for the first time in almost 150 years.

ON THE TUBE

Search begins for new top cop The position vacated by Sir Paul Stephenson has been advertised The fall-out from the News of the World phone-hacking scandal prompted Scotland Yard commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson to resign, but no time has been wasted looking for his replacement.

The Home Office and Metropolitan Police Authority began the recruitment process by inviting senior police officers to apply for “this unique post”.

Recruiters have since indicated that Stephenson’s replacement will take over by September on a five-year contract, and will be tasked with “ensuring public confidence in police integrity”.

“With responsibilities for a national counter-terrorism role, policing London – the country’s biggest, most diverse city and its capital – and policing major

events including the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics, the new commissioner will ensure that Londoners can feel safe, confident that they are protected from crime and that their security is a priority,” the advertisement for the position says.

The new commissioner can also expect a full plate from their first day in the job, as they will be required to “oversee and guide the Metropolitan Police Service through a period of transition” in governance.

“The successful candidate will have the duty of ensuring public confidence in police integrity, and be responsible for maintaining and improving services to the public,” the advertisement says.

The appointment will be made by the Queen after a recommendation by home secretary Theresa May.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

DISTRICT AND CIRCLE LINES: Upgrade works to improve service reliability are set to take place on one of the oldest sections. It means the District and Circle lines will be suspended between High Street Kensington and Edgware Road until August 23.

HAMMERSMITH AND CITY: No service on entire line this weekend.

METROPOLITAN: No service between Baker Street and Aldgate this weekend. closure of entire line on Saturday.

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Mascots: still a mystery

Photos: Getty

WATERLOO AND CITY: Planned

London enters the home straight to next year’s Olympics and a ceremony will be held in Trafalgar Square to the mark the start of the 12-month countdown.

International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge and mayor Boris Johnson will invite the world’s athletes to come to the London Games and Tom Daley will dive into the pool at the new Olympic Park aquatics centre.

The design of the Olympic medals will be revealed and, hopefully, the long-awaited explanation for the bizarre Olympic mascots, Wenley and Mandeville, will also be forthcoming.

“The one-year-to-go mark is London’s invitation to the world to come to the Games,” London 2012 chief Lord Coe said. “We share the nation’s excitement.”

Dubai Duty Free Shergar Cup & 80s concert Saturday 6th August 2011 Racing and live music including: Jason Donovan UĂŠ ˆ`ĂŠ Ă€iÂœÂ?iĂŠ>˜`ĂŠĂŒÂ…iĂŠ ÂœVÂœÂ˜Ă•ĂŒĂƒĂŠ UĂŠ ÂˆÂ“Â“ĂžĂŠ-œ“iĂ€Ă›ÂˆÂ?Â?iĂŠ UĂŠ*>Ă•Â?ĂŠ9ÂœĂ•Â˜}ĂŠUĂŠ/ÂœĂž>Â…ĂŠ UĂŠ …ˆ˜>ĂŠ Ă€ÂˆĂƒÂˆĂƒĂŠUĂŠ"`ĂžĂƒĂƒiÞÊ UĂŠ Â?ĂŒiĂ€i`ĂŠ “>}iĂƒĂŠ UĂŠ Ă€ÂœĂŒÂ…iÀÊ iĂžÂœÂ˜`ĂŠUĂŠ6ÂˆĂƒ>}i Tickets from ÂŁ26. Kids go free.

Fine dining packages from ÂŁ115 (inc. admission).

Advance and Group discounts available.

QUOTE TNT TO RECEIVE 25% OFF ADVANCE TICKETS

Book now

0870 727 1234 ascot.co.uk

Pastimes: it looks daft, but the Chap Olympiad is worth a punt

Back to the future Fanatical about the 40s? Obsessed by the 60s? Or stuck in the 80s? The Vintage Festival has your era covered WORDS CAROL DRIVER Not so long ago, "secondhand" was a dirty word. It provoked images of musty-smelling shops selling mothballed clothes with dirty tissues left the pockets. Today, however, you can't turn a street in London without finding a boutique selling vintage goods. It's no longer the preserve of the too-coolfor-school kids; from music and fashion to art and food, the recycled look is spilling over into our everyday lives.

This week’s Vintage Festival is a celebration of that. The brainchild of Wayne and Gerardine Hemingway, the event scooped the ‘UK’s New Festival’ accolade last year.

The masterminds behind the Red or Dead label have been in the business for 30 years – starting out selling vintage clothes in Camden Market.

Wayne Hemingway says: “Back in 1980, there was hardly anybody doing it. It's been a gradual growth of acceptance. At first, if you wore secondhand clothes, you were classed as being a bit poor or dirty.

“It’s gradually grown. Now, it's not just a few cool people – there's an increasing amount of especially young people who understand conspicuous 8

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

consumption is crass. You can't keep reinventing the wheel. There is a finite amount of stuff you can do without looking like you've stepped out of Dr Who, which is not good – or you end up like Lady Gaga and making your dress out of meat.”

The three-day event is part of Festival of Britain’s 60th anniversary and boasts a glittering 13-hour-a-day line-up of entertainment. It takes in fashion, music, art and film from the Twenties to the Eighties – and offers the perfect excuse to dress up.

Visitors can learn how to dance the Foxtrot; get made up like a Sixties dolly-bird; gawp at the exclusive catwalk shows; or snap-up bargains at the vintage market. Then, after munching on food from the past, choose from 150 DJs to boogie along to – or opt to dig out those white gloves for the Eighties-style rave.

There's also a busking competition or you can try your hand at umbrella jousting and sandwich tossing at The Chap Olympiad. The line-up for retro music lovers is impressive and includes Soul Revue with Gwen Dickie of Rose Royce; Electronic Phuture with Alan

Wilder of Depeche Mode; and Hit Parade with the likes of Sandie Shaw.

As Hemingway explains, just like fashion, there’s no crime in recycling the sounds of the past either.

“If it's a beat that made you dance in 1977 in a club, there's no reason it won’t move an 18-year-old today," he says. "Because it's still that thing about a beat getting to your brain, making your legs want to move.

"Vintage is just about great ideas that can be great again and deserve never to be forgotten and that new generations can enjoy."

Amid all the quintessentially English frivolity, Hemingway does admit to an ulterior motive for the festival – his "massive" green mission.

"I was brought up in a thrifty household with a religious zeal about using everything. It's more fun being thrifty. It's more intelligent.

Overconsumption is what daft, stupid people do." No pressure then. ›› GUIDE TO VINTAGE LONDON Vintage Festival, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX. July 29-31. From £30 southbankcentre.co.uk Embankment

Muriel wasn't sure if the girls were laughing with or at her ...

Vintage fashion guru Wayne Hemingway (second from left)

New-old look: get glammed up on site

London Victoria to Gatwick Airport, 30 minutes average journey time (35 minutes on Sundays). Visit gatwickexpress.com for Group terms and conditions.

VINTAGE FURNITURE FLEA

SECRET TEA ROOM SOHO

BETHNAL GREEN

Dine out in style on quintessentially English afternoon teas in a haven harking back to a bygone era. Choose from delicious sweet treats and savory sandwiches, while being served by staff dressed in vintage clothing.

A traditional cream tea (£8.95) gets you a pot of tea, two warm scones, Devonshire clotted cream and jam. £8.95

Upstairs at the Coach & Horses, 29 Greek St, W1D 5DH sohosecretteamroom.co.uk Tottenham Court Rd

THE SECRET GARDEN MARKET SHOREDITCH

Escape down Ezra Street – one of Columbia Road's little side streets – when the flower market is in full swing on a Sunday. You'll find a tiny walled garden filled with twee vintage delights including fabrics, prints, jewellery, homeware and handmade trinkets. For any retro finds that aren't quite your size, market owner and seamstress Charlotte Denn offers clothing alterations, too.

Sundays from 10am-3pm 1 The Garden Market, Ezra Street, E2 7RH Hoxton

MINT VINTAGE SEVEN DIALS

VIVIEN OF HOLLOWAY ISLINGTON

Make like a wartime siren or a rockabilly floozie with the dresses at Vivien of Holloway. There's an outfit for every vintage occasion in your diary at this North London gem, found in the unlikely setting of Holloway Road. Our pick of the bunch is the range of 1950s halterneck circle dresses that come in all different shades, from £45. The store is serious about vintage – they're bringing back petticoats to keep your circle dress extra poofy, one layer of chiffon at a time.

294 Holloway Road, N7 6NJ vivienofholloway.com Holloway Rd

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Intent on bringing the public affordable vintage furniture, former stylist and Selfridges personal shopper Judy Berger has created the Vintage Furniture Flea. Her philosophy is simple: why pay hefty prices for massproduced faux vintage copies when you can have the real thing. The Flea focuses on pieces from the 1950s to 1970s, so expect bold prints and fabrics, retro ceramics and glassware from all over Europe. But prepare to use those elbows – bargains get snapped up pretty quickly. £2

Selling fur hats, cosy printed jumpers, nostalgic sunglasses and embellished 1980s-style tops and dresses, Mint Vintage has pretty much everything lovers of fashion's yesteryear could dream of.

20 Earlham Street, WC2H 9LM mintvintage.co.uk Leicester Square/Covent Garden

JIVE

HAMMERSMITH Screw those shapes you've been throwing to modern hiphop, give your dance moves a retro overhaul with a 10week jive course.

THE VINTAGE EMPORIUM BRICK LANE

For quaint elegance, head to The Vintage Emporium.

Have tea and cake in the Victorian-style tearooms before heading downstairs to buy some delightfully twee antiques and quality vintage clothing.

14 Bacon Street, Brick Ln, E1 6LF vintageemporiumcafe.com Shoreditch High Street

THE BLACK COTTON CLUB THE CITY

KETTNER'S SOHO

£92

Monday evenings Paddenswick Road, W6 0UB learntojive.com Ravenscourt Park Tube

September 11 York Hall, Bethnal Green E2 9PJ vintagefurnitureflea.co.uk Bethnal Green

A 100 per cent vintage dining experience, Kettner's was first opened in 1867

by Auguste Kettner, chef to Napoleon III, and retains its classic decor.

29 Romilly Street, W1D 5HP kettners.com Leicester Square

Debauchery is the order of the evening at this night of hot house swing, gypsy jazz, race rhythms, viper vibes, bebop rumba, Charleston jump and Cuban cha-cha. Tickets are £10 before 11pm. £10

Third Saturday of the month 7-9 Norwich Street, EC4A 1EJ volupte-lounge.com Chancery Lane

CAFE VINTAGE

GLAMOUR OF THE GODS

FINSBURY PARK

COVENT GARDEN

A gem of a find in residential North London, Cafe Vintage was started by two sisters – Aysha and Nadia Allman – who wanted to share their love of fashion and baking with the rest of the world. Thank you for sharing!

Check out this Hollywood portraiture from the industry's Golden Age, which lasted from 1920 to 1960 and was personified by the likes of international movie icons Greta Garbo, Clark Gable, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean and Marilyn Monroe. Many of the collection of more than 70 photographs – now on display at the National Portrait Gallery – are in the public eye for the first time. £6

88 Mountgrove Road, N5 2LT cafevintage.co.uk Finsbury Park/Arsenal

VINTAGE SHOW ROOM SEVEN DIALS

Previously an ironmongers for 174 years, this quaint shop emanates history and legacy. It is now, aptly, a vintage store selling and renting all the retro clothing a man could want.

You'll find dapper brogues, well-loved jeans, aviator jackets and some priceless hats – from flatcaps and straw boaters to trappers and motorcycling helmets. Vintage Show Room was also named as one of Vogue's 20 favourite stores in 20 cities – we'll shop to that.

Until 23 October Saint Martin's Place, WC2H 0HE npg.org.uk Charing Cross

14 Earlham Street, WC2H 9LN thevintageshowroom.com Covent Garden

BLITZ PARTY SHOREDITCH

It's time to support Blighty. Ladies, don your furs and drape those pearls; gentlemen, dust off your tweed and polish those medals – dress like you've come straight out of the Second World War and head to the East End air raid shelter for a party in a bunker. The dress code is strictly glamorous and guests must make an effort – denim and trainers are strictly banned. With entertainment by live bands, Forties cabaret acts, DJs and swing dancers, this is pure wartime revelry. Book in advance and don't forget to take your Union Jack.

Photos: TNT

£20

3 September, 8pm 54 Holywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ theblitzparty.com Old Street Shoreditch High Street

RETROMANIA

NINA'S RETRO HAIR

Attracting fashionistas, stylists and vintage dealers, Retromania is a charity shop specialising in the old school so it's the prime place to find a bargain.

Get the signature hairstyle of the Twenties – fingerwaving, £55 – at the UK's very first vintage hair and beauty specialist. The salon also runs classes to teach you how to style your own retro hair and make-up choices.

PIMLICO

13a Warwick Way, SW1V 4QT faracharityshops.org

MARYLEBONE £55

Victoria/Pimlico

THE DAMNED

Alfie's Antiques Market, 1st Floor, 13 Church Street, NW8 8DT ninasvintageandretrohair.com Marylebone

SOUTH BANK

As part of the BFI's vintage weekend, catch Joseph Losey's Sixties movie in which a psychotic teddy boy gang leader falls into a plot involving radioactive children.

Starring Oliver Reed. £9.50

31 July, 4pm BFI Southbank, SE1 8XT bfi.org.uk Waterloo

PALM COURT REGENT STREET

Palm Court at The Langham is the ideal place to wile away a Sunday afternoon over a traditional tea of cakes, sandwiches and scones. £38

1c Portland Place, W1B 1JA palm-court.co.uk Oxford Circus

THE DINER

ACROSS LONDON Refuel with some hearty all-American diner grub in what looks and feels exactly like an all-American diner, with booth-style seating and red leather seats. Menu highlights are macaroni cheese, blueberry pancakes and the Californian burger with Monterey Jack cheese and guacamole.

Locations across London goodlifediner.com Various

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11

MYLONDON

DAN THOMSON BAR MANAGER, ZENNA What baffles me about London is all the attractive people seem to be solar-powered. I learned this little fact of life from a talkative cabbie. As soon as the weather is sunny, there are pretty people everywhere, but the second the sun disappears, it’s a different story.

London’s best-kept secret is the bar in Mayfair’s Flemings Hotel. You enter through a typical Mayfair hotel front-of-house, go downstairs and into an electric bar, the sort you’d expect to find in Tokyo, not London.

When I want to chill out, I head to Home House in Marylebone; gym, spa, two restaurants and four bars all within a palatial building designed by Robert Adam. Lots of my friends are members and I’m a regular, so it’s got a sort of Cheers attitude – where everybody knows your name.

The most interesting person I’ve met in London was a professional hunter.

His job was essentially pest control, but when the ‘pests’ are about three times larger than you are, it can be quite an adventure. Coming face-to-face with all of those amazing creatures must be very humbling.

My favourite place for a drink depends on what I’m after. If I fancy a cocktail, I’ll head to LAB or for a place with a view, I’ll go to Paramount.

I’m a bit of an east-phobe, I don’t really go much further east than St Paul’s.

For when you’re hungover in London, there’s this amazing place near me that does the most incredible three-course Sunday lunch with unlimited Bucks Fizz for £30. Or, if you’ve been on a night out with me, there’s nowhere you’d rather be than my flat; I make the best recovery breakfast.

What gets me up in the morning? Necessity.

My perfect weekend would involve mastering a new skill. I’m all about experience. I have a bit of a James Bond complex. I feel like I should be able to do everything and anything just in case I need to get away from baddies.

The last naughty thing I did involved a guy who came into the bar the other night who was acting all tough and he ordered the Illiana (the world’s spiciest cocktail). I gave him a triple dosage of spice. I think he felt about 2ft tall.

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Photos: TNT

Five words that sum up London... Best city in the world (when it’s sunny) ... I think that counts as five, technically.

LONDONDRINKS

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Feminine design: Lion and Unicorn

PUB THE SCENE Concealed in a quiet residential street, this pub exudes friendliness and cheer. Part of the Geronimo group, it’s decorated in that fresh, feminine style which characterises other venues of that stable. The wooden floorboards, calming colours and mismatched chairs bring to mind a Scandinavian beach hut.

Clientele-wise, it’s packed with groups of friends as well as solitary types engrossed in books or laptops. The service is solicitous and genuine, and the music is of the background variety. Other features include a walled garden and a theatre.

THE GRUB High-standard gastro-pub fare with a strong British influence. There is only one minor quibble with our mains: both the roast poussin with creamed leeks and lambs liver with mash are a tad over-seasoned. But I have no trouble enjoying a decadent dessert of milk chocolate mousse with hazelnut ice-cream.

BEHIND THE BAR Real ales on offer include Cornish Coaster, Redemption Hotspur, Waggle Dance and Meantime Pale Ale and the wine list offers decent choices.

BILL PLEASE A two-course meal including wine will set you back around ÂŁ35pp.

Wine by the glass from ÂŁ3.70; pints start at ÂŁ3.40.

VERDICT A lively pub this isn’t, and that’s why we liked it. We could have happily hung out until the wee hours if it hadn’t been a school night. ALISON GRINTER

42-44 Gaisford St, NW5 2ED

geronimo-inns.co.uk

Kentish Town

THE KING’S HEAD

3 OF THE BEST

kingsheadtheatrepub.co.uk

This cosy Kilburn venue boasts a rich history of stand-up comedy including performances from Russell Brand, The Mighty Boosh and Jimmy Carr. thehenand chickenstheatrebar.co.uk

DRAYTON ARMS Jacobean features, cask ales and speciality beers make this an ideal local pub.

Based in South Kensington, the theatre upstairs shows movies but aims to have productions soon. thedraytonarmssw5.co.uk

%X\ JHW )5((

ith Served awnd chips yle Spur-st r a gs o onion ripnotato or baked salad. side

Offer not valid with any other promotion or special.

Bring in voucher to receive this special. Terms and conditions apply. Valid until 31 August 2011. The least expensive combo meal is free.

&KH\HQQH 6SXU 02 Dome, North Greenwich. Tel: 020 8858 0196 0RKDZN 6SXU Southside Shopping Centre, Wandsworth. Tel: 0208 874 0831 14

HEN & CHICKENS THEATRE BAR

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THEATRE PUBS

This arty pub is something of an institution on Upper St, Islington. The theatre has been lauded by critics as “leading an artistic revolution�. La Boheme is performed this month.

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BITE SIZE

Epic portions: Blues Kitchen

FESTIE FOOD WRAPPED UP If you’re fed up with sweaty burgers and cremated kebabs at festivals, opt instead for a civilised Italian hamper.

Carluccio’s Caffe packs the picnic with ricotta, pancetta and olive-stuffed focaccia, poached salmon and antipasti. Hampers for two cost £45 and are available until 30 September.

Order 24 hours in advance and pick up from your nearest branch. carluccios.com

ON THE WHITE STUFF What is powdered, bought by the gram and snorted for pleasure but legal? Colombian Asparagus, of course – what did you think we meant?

Created by Bubble Food, the recipe is a guarded secret. MD Michael Collins says: “Once inhaled, it delivers a unique sensory experience.” The dish, pictured below, costs about £50 per gram, which makes 10-12 lines. bubblefood.com

Photos: TNT

JAPAN HITS BRICK LANE Catch Japanese cinema and try some kushiage (deep-fried meats and vegetables on skewers) next week.

From August 3-8 the head chefs of Yashin Sushi & Bar and beer brewers Kirin Ichiban will host short-film screenings and a pop-up food stall.

Head to The Dray Walk Gallery in Brick Lane’s Truman Brewery to buy kushiage and a beer for about £5, if you book online first. kirinfirstcut.co.uk

BLUES KITCHEN TEX-MEX THE SCENE Loaded with Camden hipsters and muso types, the cavernous Blues Kitchen has an electric atmosphere, especially during the venue’s almost nightly live music sessions showcasing rhythm and blues bands. The distressed-wood walls are plastered with photos of Blues artists and Fifties memorabilia, while the high ceilings are festooned with trumpet-shaped chandeliers. For diners, there’s comfy US-inspired booth-style seating, lit by candles.

THE GRUB Expect finger-licking soul food from America’s Deep South: BBQ chicken, ribs, chilli, New Orleans Gumbo and burgers. You won’t go hungry thanks to epic portions. We’re served huge hunks of meat, generous dollops of coleslaw and lashings of fries. The food is varied: our chilli and Cajun blackened shrimp starters are delectable, but we aren’t overly wowed by our mains: the rib-eye steak and BBQ chicken are slightly overcooked and dry. Desserts include Mississippi mud pie which sounds yummy but has unfortunately run out when I visit, so I opt for a knickerbocker glory which I have no problem gulping down. Any shortcomings with the food are overriden by the merry vibe and cheery staff.

Bourbon is the star of the show here, with a staggering 40 different fabulously named liquors – from Fighting Cock to Old Grand-Dad. There’s also a huge wine, champagne and cocktail list that includes mint juleps and woodberry chilli. Those with a sweet tooth can sup chocolate, strawberry or malt milkshakes with a shot of bourbon. The bartenders really know their stuff.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails from £7.50; starters from £5.50; mains from £8.50 for a bean burger to £14 for a seafood jambalaya.

VERDICT This is a top venue for a birthday celebration or a night out with a group of mates, thanks to its party vibe and extensive drinks menu. Don’t visit for the food alone – serious boozers will not be disappointed. JANINE KELSO BEHIND THE BAR

111-113 Camden High Street, NW1 7JN

theblueskitchen.com

Camden Town

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Britney: still has fans, apparently

81707*

Message to girl in the white skirt walking to work: your dress is transparent and we can see your arse!

Anon Jess - best message ever.

Thanks for making my Monday

Anon Blondie, I’ve noticed u noticing me. In my mind, your name is ‘heaven’. sit next to me next week on the 8am She bu 295

Jeremy Marrrky, Happy birthday playa!!! Told you I’d hook you up in TNT. We love you.

Rastus Waiting 2 get in2 itunes festival 2 see Coldplay, reading TNT outside the Roundhouse. lol. I luv Chris Martin. Byeeeee.

Kylie Loved the weird food feature. made me huuuungrryy.

Emmanuel Rock stur, your cerebral, take-no-prisoners approach is the talk of the town. Keep up the good work.

James Snorting asparagus rminds me of being a teen smoking banana skins

EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM BLOODY BIRDS! A highlight this week was seeing my first-ever seagull eating a pigeon in Covent Garden, tearing it apart and holding it down with its feet, only to look menacingly at the crowd gathered around, beak covered in blood.

Kayla Oughton

HEARS TO YOU Note to self: always carry earphones with you even if you have no iPod with you! It blocks out the crazy people trying to talk to you at night. But I do enjoy old homeless people laughing at nothing in particular.

Erin Pascoe

IN A NANNY STATE

Georgia

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I was given a job as a nanny for the summer which meant I had to quit my last two weeks of teaching.

I have had two weeks of the mother changing dates on me and waiting for her to get in touch, but at lunchtime today she sent

a text to say she doesn’t need a summer nanny now.

It was all I could do not to call her and tell her that this is someone’s livelihood she has been playing with.

If I don’t get a job soon I’m out on my behind!

Amie Thomson

SOUL OF A POET Since I went to Japan, I’m obsessed with haiku – a poem of three lines. It has five syllables in the first, seven in the second, five again in the third. Here is a haiku I wrote about my ex-girlfriend: ‘When she goes away, Broken flowers of my heart Are crumpled underfoot’ Here is another one I wrote that is a bit rude: ‘Micropenises Riddles of the universe Where do they come from?’

How about a competition?

Jarvis McMannerman

FRINGE FEST /24 SUMMER SKI /72

Dave wins a three-day tour of Ireland from Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @fluffypinkblond: festival tip #493 smooth any bare flesh in baby oil and cover in glitter to protect against the elements @markmellor: A giant Pippa Middleton has been made out of crumpets. How many starving Somalians does that feed? @melicband: bring on Homelanz festival!!!!

YOUR FACEBOOK Follow us on facebook/tntmagazine

Thomas Weaven: I smoked a lot and found it very funny Raj Awasti: I’ve given up watching reality shows - the bubble’s burst for me Stacey Mitchell: Would it have made a difference if Lady Gaga was in a pushchair/pram?

Throwing eggs? Surely there’s an angered animal group somewhere in there too right? And maybe some pissed off emos - just for the hell of it?

Photos: Getty

* Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end.

Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

What was Britney Spears’ bodyguard complaining about? If Britney wanted to get naked in front of me, I wouldn’t mind.

And if she farted, well it would probably sound better than her singing.

The guy’s a moron. He’s supposed to be this big, tough protector and he can’t handle a little bit of nose picking? How would he handle Lady Gaga who sits there talking to her vagina? Or is it her penis?

Leave Britney alone.

Leave her alone!!

Dave Grawley, Soho

Ewa Why is it that some laughs make you think of angels singing, while others would drive you to murder.

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August 14th

SISTER BLISS (early set)

S N O I S S E S SUNDAYS

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• DJs 3PM til 11PM y a d id m m o fr d e rv ENTRY • Lunch se igalum.com .g w w w FREE AREA : e se S G N TI S FOR LI RESERVATIONS

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MANUEL DE LA MARE STEFANO NOFERINI JAMES ZABIELA

House rules present

YOUSEF (early set)

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MARK RONSON & THE BUSINESS INTL OLD ROYAL NAVAL COLLEGE, GREENWICH WED, JULY 27 | DOORS 5.30PM | From £27.50

The shortlist for this year’s Mercury Prize has been revealed, and, as ever, the acts left out tell as much of a story as those who made the list.

It’s not surprising Radiohead’s abysmal King Of Limbs didn’t make the cut, but the absence of Wild Beasts’s Smother is a massive oversight. Still, it’s brilliant to see previous winners Elbow and PJ Harvey have another bite of the cherry, given they both put out blinding albums this year.

But what’s Adele doing there? 21 doesn’t cut the proverbial edge and she hardly needs the cash prize. Did the judges feel they had to include her because she’s a global chartstormer? Ooh, it makes me wonder, as Led Zep would have said.

Has anyone been gifted with a more charmed musical career than Mark Ronson?

The stepson of Foreigner guitarist Mick Jones, he started out making his own hiphop mix tapes at the age of 16 but quickly established himself as a DJ/producer/ record label founder and went on to launch the careers of Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen and Adele.

But Ronson always had his own recording career bubbling away in the background. In 2003 he released his debut album Here Comes The Fuzz which proved to be a critical hit, if not a commerical one. Four years on, the British-born, New York-bred muso hit paydirt with Version, a collection of inspired covers as diverse as The Smiths’ Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before and Radiohead’s Just, which won Ronson his first Brit for Best Male Solo Album.

With his follow-up album Record Collection, he could have easily repeated the trick of plying the Motown-influenced soul sounds which made both Version and Back To Black, the album he helmed for Winehouse, such massive hits.

But not one to rest on his laurels, he put together a new outfit, Mark Ronson & The Business International, penned some original material and roped in emerging US talents rapper Q-Tip and vocalist Amander Warner of MNDR to create his own eclectic take on 80s-inspired electro pop. Tunes like Bang Bang Bang and The Bike Song should go down a treat, making Mark Ronson and co one of the undoubted highlights of the Greenwich Summer Sessions this week.

Visit mercuryprize.com 2 Cutty Sark Gardens, SE10 9LW

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GP: ALOHA HAWAII BEACH PARTY

NEW BAND

CLUB SAT, JULY 30. 9PM-3AM. FROM £20

Wallow shamelessly in some of music’s greatest crimes at Guilty Pleasures’ final summer beach party. Embrace Hawaiian stereotypes with lurid shirts and grass skirts and jump on board the pre-club boat. Then shake your maracas to the sounds of Bikini Beach Band and Sean Rowley.

Photos: Getty; TNT

Koko 1a Camden High St, NW1 7JE koko.uk.com Mornington Crescent

PAJAMA CLUB

LOVE TO LOVE

GIG

CLUB

THURS, JULY 28. 8PM. FROM £17.50

FRI, JULY 29. 8PM-3AM. £5

In a move that recalls Paul McCartney’s Wings, Neil Finn has formed a band with his missus, Sharon. The quartet features Shaz (bass /vocals) Neil (guitar/keyboards) as well as New Zealand songwriter Sean Donnelly (keyboards/guitars) and Alana Skyring (drums), formerly of Oz band The Grates. The band owe more than a little of their sound to Neil’s Crowded House days.

The sometime-haunt of London’s trendy set (Pixie Geldof, Nick Grimshaw, Alexa Chung and the like), Love To Love does a roaring trade in tune-led nostalgia. Setting up at Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, they promise to transport us back to our youth. Think prom nights, big dresses, 80s classics and of course, a bit of bowling and karaoke. Special-guest DJs to be announced.

XOYO 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP xoyo.co.uk Old St

Bloomsbury Lanes Tavistock Square, WC1H 9EU bloomsburylive.com Russell Square

RAUL MALO

LOST IN LONDON SUMMER FIESTAVAL

THE POGUES AND THE BUZZCOCKS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

THURS, JULY 28. 8PM. FROM £10

SAT, JULY 30. 8PM-5AM. £10

SAT, JULY 30. 5.30PM. FROM £27.50

Ex-frontman of multi-platinum-selling The Mavericks, Cuban singer Raul Malo serves up a blend of country with a rock ‘n’ roll swagger and a dash of Tex-Mex twang all on his own. With a voice that’s been compared to Roy Orbison and Frank Sinatra, the one-time collaborator of Neil Diamond is in town for a rare show.

This indoor ‘fiestaval’ (see what they’ve done there?) is billed as a “celebration and unification of cultures from across the globe”. And judging by the impressive line-up of renowned DJs, breakdancers, circus performers, Samba dancers and free sangria for the first 500 people, it may well live up to its promise.

Fronted by the irrepressible Shane MacGowan (pictured), only The Pogues could have pulled off the trick of combining traditional Irish music with post-punk rock. Twenty-nine years on, the band remain a living embodiment of bohemia and musical innovation. They are joined this week by veteran British punk band The Buzzcocks.

Queen Elizabeth Hall South Bank, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk

Proud 2 The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 ODX proud2.com North Greenwich

Qld Royal Naval College 2 Cutty Sark Gardens, SE10 9LW greenwichsummersessions.co.uk

Waterloo

STOOSHE THE BUZZ SO FAR Stooshe’s producer-assisted rise to fame brings to mind another British girl band high on girl power (the Spice Girls, remember them?) Plucked from their mundane lives of stacking shelves at Marks & Spencer, the trio went straight into the studio and made a video for their forthright tune Fuck Me, which showcases their Motown influence. It got 100,000 hits on YouTube and Simon Cowell is now eyeing them up as potential signees. Their debut single Hot Stepper drops in August.

THE CRITICS SAY “A cross between Salt-n-Pepa mixed with the Spice Girls with This is England thrown in,” Laura Lukanz, BBC Radio 1.

THE PLUG London School of Economics, WC2A 2AE Holborn Sat, July 30. £4 stooshe.com

Cutty Sark

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 25 Happy Monday Chill-out anthems courtesy of the residents. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

Get Grooved Residents DJs Chen and Just Stu spin house, tech-house and funky house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

BOOK NOW!

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last adm 1am. £4, free before 9pm.

Hectic DJ Mary, Ill Phil, Matt Holmes and Phil White play house, techno and electro.

The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10.30pm-6am. £15, guestlist £10.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

Junk Yard Geddes, Dudley Strangeways, Luke Black, Nic Liu, Tommi and Kit Goh play deep house and techno.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

6pm-3am. £10, free before 10pm.

Iluvlive DJ JJ spins hip-hop, grime, reggae and R‘n’B, plus English Frank, Royal Priesthood, Babyboom, Teezy, Kris Baya and Dru Blu perform live, with host Ras Kwame.

Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709).

7pm-midnight. £10, guestlist £7.

Monday Midnight Mass Nicos and Shane spin indie and rock.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). 11pm-3am. £3.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm.

TUESDAY 26 Bootcamp Rob C and Scewpulous play techno and house. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903).

9pm-2am. £3, mems £2 before 10pm.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Panic! Max, Gaz and That Perfect Fumble play indie, electro and post-punk. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer/NUS £3.

Stupid Tuesday Funky and soulful house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

9pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Marcus and Olly provide indie, punk, techno and electro. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4.

WEDNESDAY 27 Gary Crowley Rocks The Casbah The DJ is joined by Stevo and Mr Weeble play 1980s pop, post-punk, electro, indie and house. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 6pm-midnight. £5.

Cuban Salsa Dance Party Baila Londres Cuban music from DJ Green Papi and guest DJ, Doctor Jim. Charlie Wright’s International Bar, Pitfield St, N1 6EN (020 7490 8345).

8pm-4am. £8, adv £6.

20

BASS CULTURE FEAT CHASE & STATUS Alexandra Palace. Fri, Nov 25. £30 Possibly the biggest bass music all-nighter in the UK this year, with a cherry-on-top live set from dance music’s most sought-after producers.

N22 7AY

ticketmaster.co.uk

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Homework Alternative, electro and indie from the resident DJs. Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, Pollard Row, E2 6NB (020 7739 2727). 7.30pm-late. £5.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Personality Crisis Retro rock‘n’roll, garage, indie, pop, punk and Britpop DJ sets from Goldierocks and Personality Crisis, plus live music from The Hoodlums Tess Parks. Punk, Soho St, W1D 3DN (020 7734 4004). 8pm-3am. £7.

Swerve: The History Session DJ Fabio plays a five-hour drum‘n’bass set.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-3am. £7, NUS £3 before 11pm, NUS £5 after 11pm.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

THURSDAY 28 Boom Boom Club Dusty Limits hosts an evening of rock‘n’roll, swing and retro music, plus cabaret and burlesque entertainment.

The Old Vic Tunnels, Station Approach Rd, SE1 7XB (0844 871 7628). 7pm10pm. £15.

Wood Green

Eurobeat 2000 Empirion Frankie D and T23 provide electro and house. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

10.30pm-late. £10, adv £8.

Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight.

Forward Plastician, Oneman, Scratcha and Benton play house, dubstep and electro.

Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 9.30pm-2am. £7.

Nicolas Jaar The New Yorkbased DJ and producer from the Wolf & Lamb label plays house, electronica and techno, with live accompaniment from his band, plus DJ support from Soul Clap and Gadi Mizrahi.

Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-4am. £15.

Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375).

8pm-midnight. £10, £7.50 skate hire.

Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

10pm-3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10.

YoYo Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, dubstep, garage and grime, plus live performances from Her Majesty And The Wolves and Josh Osho.

Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

FRIDAY 29

C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm-3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Calentito Pop, R‘n’B, and soul.Salvador And Amanda, Great Newport St, WC2H 7JA (020 7240 1551). 9pm-3am. £10, guestlist £5, free before 9pm.

Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-6am. £15, concs £10.

Foreign Invasion Magic Tuts, King Tubbys, Lazer Force and Small Axe supply dub and reggae. Mass, St Matthews Church, Brixton Hill, SW2 1JF (07879 630674).

11pm-late. £15, adv £10.

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Phenomenal Fridays Stevie C plays commercial chart, party anthems and pop on the ground floor, while Rob Clarke provides funky house in the basement, plus DJs supply R‘n’B in VIP. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

4pm-3.30am. £10, guestlist free before 11pm.

Simmer Summer Party Kenny Larkin, Jon Rust and Richard Adam spin house and techno.

The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339).

10pm-6am. £12, adv £10.

This Is Circus: Pyjama Party Jodie Harsh, Kris Di Angelis and Jim Warboy play house, techno and electro, with hosts Munroe Bergdorf, Daniel Lismore, Alexis Knox, Kingsley and Brook London. Cafe De Paris, Coventry St, W1D 6BL (020 7734 7700).

10.30pm-3am. £14, adv £11.

ING HOPPator CLUB 30/07 Split - Navig WEEK to Dubrovnik • Makarska - Arrivals Hall @ Club Deep featuring Tony Juranovic

• Bol - Tiki Night. Hawaiian Shirts & Grass Skirts

• Vis - Mutiny Boat Party @ The Dock • Hvar - Nautica Bar & Veranda Club featuring Fredja & Baéko c Dior

• Korcula - Dos Locos Street Party • Mljet - Captains Party @ The Dock • Dubrovnik - Slims Cocktail Mixer @ Sky Bar featuring Slim

7 Days from £669 (Split to Dubrovnik on a Premier Boat)

4 Days from £339 (Split to Hvar or Hvar to Dubrovnik)

SATURDAY 30 Fact BCN House, tech-house, techno and deep house from Shlomi Aber, Miss Jools, Enzo Siragusa, Mark Maya, DJ Herr and Rossko. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm6am. £20, concs £15, adv £13.

Guilty Pleasures: Aloha Hawaii DJs Sean Rowley, Anna Greenwood, Dreambears and Discob*tches play pop, party and dance, . Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 9pm-3am. £16, adv £13.50.

House Clique La Dolce Vita DJs spin house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Kuch Kuch DJ Ritu plays Bollywood, bhangra, Arabic, R‘n’B and chart. Apt, Queen St, EC4N 1TX (020 7618 9020). 10pm-3am. £15.

Other Event Dates: 24.09: Endless Summer Week 01.10: Rocktober Fest

See our website for details:

www.sail-croatia.com Too Damn Glam Diason, Damo, Bernie T, Sam Dungate and Colin Chiddle supply house, tech-house and electro. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-late. £20, adv £15.

XXL Saturdays Dance tunes from the resident DJs. Arcadia, Southwark St, SE1 1RU (020 7403 9643).

10pm-6am. £15, mems £8.

SUNDAY 31

Proactive DJ L, Love Connextion, Seany B, DJ Fury, Daddy Chris and Dboy provide R‘n’B, hip-hop, funky house, garage and old skool.

Bangalore Express, Gracechurch St, EC3V 0AT (07873 813466). 10pm4am. £15, £12 before 1am, adv £8.

In The Box DJs Enzo Gomes, Manjit, Clubholic, Kid K and Beppe Gallo play dance and electro.

Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 7pm-1am. £10, £5 before 9pm, ladies free before 9pm.

Telepathy Grooverider, Ray Keith, Nicky Blackmarket, Ron, SL, Brockie and Funny Flirt play jungle, dubstep and drum‘n’bass. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

10pm-7am. £15 & £20.

La Dolce Vita DeNeilson, Yorick, Renton, Dan C, Junz, Abu and Edgar Kaleta spin house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 4pm-11pm. Free.

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MONDAY 25 Anti-Pop Consortium Alt hip-hop by the New Yorkbased crew. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). £13.

BOOK NOW!

Caitlin Rose, Gerard Starkie Country and folk from the Nashville-based singer-songwriter.

The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). £10.

Apparat, Ghosting Season Alt electro-rock by the Berlinbased band. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £15.

FRIDAY 29

Robin Bibi, Andrew Black The Kingston-based singerguitarist plays blues and blues-rock. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Harpeth Rising, Emma Scarr Americana, bluegrass and folk by the Nashville-based band.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

Hot Club Of Boisdale Parisian swing inspired by Stephane Grappelli and Django Reinhardt.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10.30pm.

Maverick Sabre Contemporary soul from the London-born singersongwriter. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £8.50.

Philip Sayce The singer and guitarist plays attitude-driven blues-rock. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50.

TUESDAY 26 Kath Bloom Connecticut-born folk, avant-garde and country performer. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £12, adv £10.

Greenwich Summer Sessions: The Divine Comedy, Jose Gonzalez Indie-pop by Dublin-based veteran singer-songwriter Neil Hannon. Old Royal Naval College, King William Walk, SE10 9NN (020 8269 4799). £27.50-£55.

Shammi Pithia And Hari Sivanesan The two Londonbased musicians perform compositions inspired by the capital, India and Sri Lanka.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £10, concs £5.

Jude Rawlins, Kami Thompson Alt rock from the singersongwriter and former Subterraneans frontman.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

SATURDAY 30

Payback The nine-piece plays soul and funk. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

Greenwich Summer Sessions: Squeeze, Turin Brakes Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook join forces once again to play their brand of witty pop. Old Royal Naval College, King William Walk, SE10 9NN (020 8269 4799). £32.50-£65.

SNOOP DOGG The O2. Fri, Oct 7. From £29.50 He was once arrested at Heathrow but come October he’ll no doubt sail straight through security to kick off his UK tour.

SE10 0DX

theo2.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 27 The Bellrays Soulful garage-rock from the Californian four-piece.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

Gackt Boundary-pushing Japanese rock from the Okinawa-born polymath. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £45.

Greenwich Summer Sessions: Mark Ronson & The Business Intl Pop-fuelled soul and hip-hop from the New Yorker and sought-after producer. Old Royal Naval College, King William Walk, SE10 9NN (020 8269 4799). £27.50-£55.

North Greenwich Zoot Money The resident bluesman performs standards.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

THURSDAY 28 Ruben Blades Latin folk and rock by the Panamanian singersongwriter and polymath. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £25.

The Robert Cray Band The Grammy Award-winning blues-rock musician performs songs from his album This Time, with his backing group. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £34.50.

The Master Drummers Of Africa Tribal rhythms from the collective of 10 percussionists.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £20, concs £10.

Thomas Dolby, Eleven Synth pop and new wave singer-songwriter, composer and musician. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £17.50.

Quantic And His Combo Barbaro Contemporary Latin music by the Colombia-based musician and colleagues. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £22.50.

Greenwich Summer Sessions: Status Quo Classic rock from the veteran band celebrating more than 40 years of hits. Old Royal Naval College, King William Walk, SE10 9NN (020 8269 4799). £35-£70.

Nathaniel Rateliff Americana and folk-rock by the Denverbased singer-songwriter.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10.

Robots In Disguise The duo plays electronic punk.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £10.50.

Sea Of Bees, James Mathe Indie-folk from American singer-songwriter Julie Ann Bee. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £8.

Stax Soul from the outfit featuring guitarist Steve Cropper, bassist Donald Dunn and singer Eddie Floyd. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £25, adv £22.

Patricia Vonne Latin music and southern rock from the Texan singer and actress. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £8.50.

Strung Out, Anti Vigilante, Chief, The Human Project Primal punk-rock by the band from Simi Valley, California.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Yacht Portland-based electroinfluenced alternative rock four-piece. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £8.50.

Marta Topferova Latin folk from the New York-based singer-songwriter. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

House Of Pain Hip-hop with a Celtic flavour by the now reunited New York-based crew. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £19.50.

Raul Malo Americana and country by the Nashville-based singer and guitarist. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£25, concs £5-£12.50.

Modulate, Deviant UK Dark industrial, electronic and techno music from producer and DJ Geoff Lee. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). £10.

Never The Bride London-based pop-rock band. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Pajama Club Neil Finn of Crowded House leads the four-piece for alt pop-rock. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £17.50.

The Kits, The Dandies, MFC Chicken The London-based Australian outfit plays garagerock. The Stag’s Head, Orsman Rd, N1 5RA (020 8616 4129). Free.

Lap Around The Sun, Three Colours, Quadrilles, From Great Height, Death By Orchestra Experimental rock from the London-based three-piece.

Rdtrip, Old St, EC1V 9EY (020 7253 6787). £6, £4 before 8pm.

London Community Gospel Choir Gospel music inspired by other genres such as swing-beat, R‘n’B and soul.

Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £16-£26.

Maurizio Minardi, Garance Louis French chanson by the pianist-accordionist and band with vocalist Louis.

Upstairs At The Ritzy, Coldharbour Ln, SW2 1JG (0871 704 2065). £6, mems £4, concs £5.

The Old Firm Casuals Singerguitarist and Rancid member Lars Frederiksen leads his raucous, San Francisco-based street punk outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Paz Latin fusion by the London-based combo. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Pretty Lights, Rival Consoles Electronica and hip-hop from the Colorado-based producer, Derek Vincent Smith. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). £7.50.

Airbourne Australian rock fourpiece fronted by Joel O’Keeffe. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

Evan Christopher’s Django A La Creole Clarinettist Christopher, guitarists David Blenkhorn and Dave Kelbie and bassist Sebastien Girardot perform interpretations of swing classics, plus improvised pieces. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £5-£20.

Greenwich Summer Sessions: The Pogues, Buzzcocks Shane McGowen’s rebellious collective plays its folk-punk favourites. Old Royal Naval College, King William Walk, SE10 9NN (020 8269 4799). £35-£70.

Janet Kay The London-born singersongwriter plays lovers rock.

The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £22.

King Hammond, Too Many Crooks, The Skanx & Swagga Reggae and ska from the Londonbased singer. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £15.

People Are Things, The Deeds Of The Nameless Alt rock from the Midlands-based three-piece.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £7, concs £5.

Room 94 Pop-rock three-piece from Hertfordshire. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £10.

Geno Washington & The Ram Jam Band The veteran singer returns with his band to play blues and soul. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £12.

Bobby Wellins Scottish tenor saxophonist. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

The World/Inferno Friendship Society, The Beatdown, Dirty Revolution, The Breadchasers The Brooklyn-based collective plays cabaret punk-rock. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £10.

SUNDAY 31

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul from the seven-piece. Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Blue Note, Wolves Like Us, Warsawwasraw Hardcore from the original members of Swing Kids performing as their alter ego.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Rival, The Krishanthis, Three Day Weekend Classic blues-rock with a twist of grunge by the London-based band. Hope And Anchor, Upper St, N1 1RL (020 7354 1312). £6, concs £5.

The Kaos, Find Me Next Fall, Tiger Blood, Betty’s Got A Gun, Reachback, The Harlots Rock band from London. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £10.

Select Cuts, Quixote, Sun Of Souls Indie-rock band from London.

The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). £8.

One Love Peace Festival: Busta Rhymes, Sean Paul, Shaggy Hip-hop from the veteran rapper.

Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £35-£55.

TRC, Heights, Polar, Prowler Hardcore punk by the Londonbased band. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.

Calvin Richardson Soul from the American vocalist.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £22.50.

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8-DAY ADVENTURE MOROCCO TOUR FOR TWO PEOPLE

Photos: Traveltalk Tours

TNT and Travel Talk team up again to offer you another trip to paradise: this time it’s the magical eight-day Adventure Morocco tour for two.

On this trip, worth £1150, you’ll start at Marrakech before moving on to Zagora, M’hamid to have lunch at the Oasis, before continuing to Chigaga in a 4x4 jeep. Then it’s off for an amazing time in the Moroccan desert on a fullday camel trek in the Sahara.

The next stop, Agadir, offers something for everyone: water sports, delicious Moroccan seafood, fantastic beaches and attractive nightlife. After a scenic drive along the Atlantic coast through Argan forests and banana

plantations, you arrive in Essaouira, the most popular wind-surfing destination on the Atlantic Ocean.

Morocco has always been a land of exchanges and encounters. Since early antiquity it has been subject to successive invasions, by the Phoenicians, the Romans and finally the Byzantines.

Nowadays, the colourful markets and medinas of Rabat, Fez and Marrakech burst with exotic wares, sounds and the smell of spice.

With it’s fascinating history, culture, and spectacular scenery, Morocco truly is a wonderful place to visit.

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23

Back to black: Rafiq Richards, left, gathering material for his show

Madness: Cabaret Of Potty People poster and acts. Above right, the new Fringe logo

Smashing it: Evin Donohoe 24

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LONDONFOCUS

On the fringe You don't need to travel to Edinburgh to see an eclectic mix of acts. The Camden Fringe kicks off next month – here are four acts not to be missed WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY When Rafiq Richards was 15 he met his half-siblings for the first time. The problem was he'd been raised by an Asian family while his siblings had grown up in the black community. Back then, he wanted to fit in so badly he tried to adopt the walk and the speech patterns of a black man.

Nowadays, he just laughs about it and invites others to do the same at his Camden Fringe show, Walk Like A Blackman.

"Mixed-race ethnicity doesn't get talked about as openly as it should. It's strange that it's almost taboo – like incest or something," Richards says.

"And then there's the stereotype that being black is like being in an N-Dubz or Tinie Tempah video, where everyone's walking around with women and wearing big chains all the time. It's a negative, commercialised myth."

Like so many of the 150 acts performing more than 500 shows at this year's Camden Fringe, first-time writer Richards views the festival as the perfect stage to launch his act.

"This is a great place to test it on a wider audience. It's evolved over the past two years and it's a great chance to challenge myself as an actor and writer," he says.

Michelle Flower, festival founder and organiser, agrees.

She says because the Camden Fringe is smaller than its famous Scottish counterpart, performers can afford not to be so careful.

"With Edinburgh, people have to play it quite safe," she adds. "They invest thousands of pounds, they can be up there for a month of their lives, so they're not so prepared to be experimental. At Camden, some acts will be brilliant and some not so good, but you come along to take a chance. It's all part of the fun."

One show with a high element of experimentation is The Cabaret Of Potty People – a surreal mash-up of music, sketches, dance, mime and drag.

"It's going to be a colourful ride," performer Cecilia Holmes promises. "Our show is based on reality but it veers off into strangeness. We're quite imaginative, being former art students, and we've really been interested in Lady Gaga, how nutty some of her stuff is. It's going to be quite batty in the end."

Holmes also wants to broaden her audience, branching out from the regulars at her monthly Soho cabaret night to introduce a new sea of faces to her world of Welsh psychic mediums, penis costumes, burlesque robots "flashing lights and vaginas". She says: "In fact, because we're so new, it's

a chance to find out who our audience really is. I'm hoping there'll be some tourists who come along. There are usually some around in August."

An act who knows more than a little about being a tourist is Australian Evin Donohoe.

Equipped with enough passports to make Jason Bourne look like a shut-in, Donohoe claims to have raised hell throughout London, New York and half of Europe.

In his show, International Homewrecker, he offers his observations on everything from Richard Dawkins' summer camp for atheists to the finer uses of Harry Potter's polyjuice potion.

He then blends them with tales of the whisky he's swilled, the women he's met and the experiences he's had since leaving Australia.

"When I broke up with my girlfriend, the rebound girl turned out to be married. At first I was mortified but then I was very impressed with myself," he says of the show's title.

"But, along the way, I have actually physically destroyed places I stayed at, so it is very apt."

The show was so well received at the Sydney Comedy ››

Tough crowd: Camden

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25

Hardcore: each ImProDigies show is different

Festival, Donohoe decided to bring it back to London. He hopes to gain the attention of comedy club owners while performing in Camden.

"It seems the older I get, the less responsible I get and that makes for some great material. My adventures aren't over so no doubt there'll be more added to the show as I go along."

Another act making it up as they go along is The ImProDigies. No two versions of their performance, Hardcore Imprography, are ever the same.

"The shows are a combination of audience suggestions, headlines from the daily papers and top trending tweets and topics on Twitter," creator David Pustansky says.

"From the audience, it might be two celebrities they want to see in the scandal of the year or a desire of their own. We will explore the naughty, and tweak the nipple of taboo."

And it's not just The ImProDigies who are in a state of evolution. At 2011's Camden Fringe, performances will leak

out from the traditional theatre and pub venues to local parks and, in one case, a car park. As Michelle Flower says: "We've really broadened the scope of it. When we first started, people said, 'You can't put shows on in August.

Everyone will be away at Edinburgh'.

"The thing is, though, not everyone in London goes to Edinburgh. There are people here and there are people who want to see something they wouldn't see anywhere else."

Rafiq Richards understands that better than anyone.

"Since I've been rehearsing this show, I've actually started walking like a black man. People have noted it," he says.

"My friend has told me to stop it. He said, '... otherwise there's no point in going to the show. People can go down to Peckham and see someone walking like a black man … for free'." ❚

THE IMPRODIGIES: HARDCORE IMPROGRAPHY

EVIN DONOHOE: INTERNATIONAL HOMEWRECKER

THE CABARET OF POTTY PEOPLE

Creator David Pustansky says: "We're all about the 'F' words … fantasies and fears.

Specifically yours. We take your dreams of domination and longings for lust, and play them out live onstage.

It will be unpredictable and outrageous in equal measure."

Evin Donohoe says: "Don't miss the show that rogered Sydney's mistress in the billiards room while it was entertaining guests in the library, before Evin jets off to create more havoc.

Romance. Mayhem. Gay wizards. This show is action-packededness."

Cecilia Holmes says: "We are a trio of electrifying nutcases delighting audience with comedy, stand-up, off-thewall poetry, original songs and dance routines. A core theme of sauciness runs through the hour. It's new, it's innovative and truly potty."

Rafiq Richard says: "Is Sanjay from EastEnders really my dad?

Should I have another go at being a Muslim? Am I the same colour as a Twix?

And, ultimately, can I walk like a black man to impress my black half-brothers and -sisters I'm meeting for the first time?"

August 8-9 The Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH roundhouse.org.uk Chalk Farm

August 6-7 & 15 Camden Head, 100 Camden High Street, NW1 0LU camdenhead.com Camden Town

August 2-12 Camden Eye, 2 Kentish Town Road, NW1 9NX thecamdeneye.co.uk Camden Town

August 5-7 Etcetera Theatre, Oxford Arms, 265 Camden High St, NW1 7BU etceteratheatre.com Camden Town

26

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£7.50

£7.50

RAFIQ RICHARDS: WALK LIKE A BLACKMAN £7.50

Photos: TNT, Jodie Fenwick, Megan Whelan, Phil McDougall, Getty Images

£7.50

Camden Fringe Festival, August 1-28, various venues in Camden camdenfringe.org Camden Town/ Chalk Farm

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Rob da Bank The respected DJ on refusing to cut his hair, the merits of Adele and booking the Village People for Bestival INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER

Getting up for your 5am show on Radio 1 on Saturday mornings must be tough.

I don’t do it live every week, sometimes I prerecord it. But when I do it live, so long as I’ve had some sleep, I can get through it. I’ve got three little boys aged one, three and five and they get me up pretty early anyway.

Rob da Bank: he’s never actually robbed a bank, you know?

Do you decide what to play in advance or is there room for spontaneity?

It’s pre-planned, but only a few hours beforehand – I’m often downloading tunes during the show. In this digital age, things can keep coming up until the last minute and you can still accommodate them. A few years ago you would know a week in advance what you’re going to play. Now it’s much more fluid – but that means you have to really be on the ball and play the latest Magnetic Man as soon as you get it. You’ve got to jump in quick.

You’re renowned for championing leftfield music – is now a good time?

God yeah, it’s never been better. I’ve been DJing for 15 years and there are so many people making so much great music. If anything, there’s too much of it, not too little. And that’s the danger – there’s so much to listen to that you might play something only once on the radio and then let it drop, without giving it a chance. With so much music around, you need to have your wits about you to decide what’s going to make it and what’s not.

How long does it take you to decide whether you like something or not?

Five seconds. I get through such a quantity of music each week – I still get sent 300-400 CDs each week and hundred of MP3s. If you’re listening to something unknown and unsigned, you need to make a very quick call on it.

Hopefully, after doing this for so long, you’ll get the right ears for the job.

Photos: Getty

Have you got the right ears for the job?

I hope so; not too big, not too small and perfectly formed.

How did you get your stage name?

I never have a funny answer ready for that one.

When I started DJ-ing 15 years ago, someone

at the bar where I was working shouted out, “Call yourself Rob da Bank”. It’s stuck. Even my parents call me ‘Rob da Bank’ now, which is a bit weird.

You once described your long hair as giving you Samson-like powers, is that why you never cut it?

On one end of the spectrum, I imagine it does, but obviously that’s just total bullshit. I think it’s more because I don’t like hairdressers.

What’s your view on this year’s Mercury Prize shortlist?

I like it. I’ve heavily supported seven out of the 12 artists and I’ve got six of them playing at Bestival. I’m a fan of Metronomy, Ghostpoet, Everything Everything, even Adele and Tinie Tempah. You might look at Adele and Tinie as safe bets but even a year ago they weren’t as astronomical as they are now. They’re still pioneering stuff. So it’s a really exciting list.

You founded Bestival and curate it each year – how do you choose the bands?

It’s all quite selfish really ... I just pick the bands I really love. Bestival is always a good mix between vintage and new – from Brian Wilson and the Village People to The Cure and PJ Harvey, who are all performing at this year’s festival.

But there are also a lot of up-and-coming bands

that are heading to the top, so that’s how I try to work it out.

Erm, the Village People – where did they spring from?

They were due a bit of a renaissance and their agents got in touch. I’m sure a lot of festivals would turn their noses up at that sort of thing, but I have no problem putting on some daft acts as well as pushing boundaries. Embarrassingly, some of the biggest people we’ve had over the past few years have been Rolf Harris and Mr Motivator. A lot of people just want to have fun and the Village People will deliver that.

Would you draw the line at the Wombles? Michael Eavis didn’t seem too impressed to have them at Glasto.

I’d book the Wombles possibly, yeah. At Camp Bestival, our family show, I’ve booked Zingzillas, The Gruffalo and Mr Tumble – he’s like Elvis to kids. There’ll be very cool bands like Mark Ronson And The Business International and Primal Scream, but when Mr Tumble comes on stage he’ll get the biggest cheer of the weekend.

It’s an odd business.

Appearing at Camp Bestival, Dorset.

July 28-31 campbestival.net and Bestival, Isle of Wight, Sept 8-11 bestival.net Weekend tickets for both from £170.

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CAPTAIN AMERICA FILM review by Tom Sturrock STARRING: Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones 12A | 124mins

BEGINNERS FILM STARRING: Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer and Mélanie Laurent 15 | 105 mins

Ewan McGregor plays Oliver, whose world is turned upside-down when he discovers his elderly father (Plummer) has terminal cancer and has also taken a male lover. This touching, Mike Millsdirected celebration of fatherhood is told in flashbacks as Oliver falls for the irreverent and unpredictable Anna (Mélanie Laurent). As his life progresses, Oliver endeavours to love Anna with all the bravery, humour and hope his father taught him.

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One of this film’s redeeming features is the plush recreation of the outfits and cityscapes of the Second World War, but it also enhances the sense that Captain America is stuck playing catch-up – the bar has been raised on comic book adaptations and this kind of lightweight cartoonery no longer cuts the mustard.

Lack of ambition infuses every frame and it starts with Captain America himself.

A runt who volunteers for a military experiment, Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) finds he is now stronger and can run faster. Is that all?

The baddie, a rogue Nazi scientist, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), gets hold of a special blue box with cosmic powers. Or something. It’s never really explained.

But even though he now has access to “the power of the Gods”, the most this arch-villain can manage is a small private army with snazzy guns. At a time when the US was planning to nuke the shit out of Japan, this is pretty weak.

There are lots of explosions, shoot-outs and fistfights with Nazis – there’s even a montage that combines all three – but Captain America never lights up. Instead it feels like watching someone else play a video game version of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. And Evans must be one of the most wooden leading men around; in most scenes, he is out-acted by his jawline.

Early on, Captain America is wheeled out around America as a propaganda tool, beating up a moustachioed pantomime Hitler on stage. Unfortunately, these scenes echo the film’s routine, repetitive approach – we’ve seen it all before.

GOOD FOR: People with low expectations who are determined to like it

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CARLOS ACOSTA: PREMIERES PLUS

GIGGLE!

DANCE

The world’s hottest male ballet dancer returns to London with a reworked version of his sold-out 2010 show, Premieres. Featuring digital animation and video art, it was his most experimental yet, so we can’t wait to find out what delights the Cuban dancer and choreographer has in store for us next.

Ha ha!

ENO at the London Coliseum St Martin’s Ln, WC2N 4ES. Jul 27-30. £15+ eno.org Leicester Square

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD

20TH CENTURY ICONS

THEATRE

EXHIBITION

This play, which made Tom Stoppard’s name in the Sixties, could just as easily be entitled “two characters in search of a plot” as the courtiers, minor players from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, take centre stage. Trevor Nunn’s respectful production still impresses, but at times Stoppard’s clever conceit now seems contrived. LK

To celebrate its 15th birthday, Proud has trawled through its archive and reviewed its most important exhibitions to produce this special show of work by some of the world’s best photographers. Expect iconic images like Jimi Hendrix by David Montgomery and David Magnus, and Brian Aris’ candid shots of Blondie.

Theatre Royal Haymarket 18 Suffolk St, SW1Y 4HT. Until Aug 20. £17.50+ trh.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

Proud Chelsea 161 Kings Rd SW3 5XP. Until Sep 11. Free proud.co.uk Sloane Square

SAM SIMMONS, COMEDIAN Tell us a joke What’s brown and sticky? A stick!

You’ve got a goat tattoo on your bum. Why? I did it for charity. It was a weird sensation having a man put a needle in my arse and feeling the blood dripping down between my arse-cheeks. It was pretty surreal.

Have you ever died onstage?

It was in a play called The Incident in Edinburgh. We were on at 4pm playing to nanas. They didn’t like it.

Photos: Johan Persson; Sheila Burnett

Who was your school nemesis?

Daniel Nelson. Rumour had it he only had one testicle but he was a really cool kid. How did he manage to still be a champion? How?

DOM JOLY: WELCOME TO WHEREVER I AM

THE FLYING KARAMAZOV BROTHERS

COMEDY

THEATRE

He may have put away his giant mobile phone but Dom Joly is still a trickster, even when he’s travelling the world. In his latest stand-up show he talks us through the perils of skiing down volcanoes, holidaying in Chernobyl and North Korea, and getting arrested in Switzerland while dressed as a yeti.

The four kilted performers in this likeable but over-stretched show don’t fly, aren’t related and not one is really a Karamazov. These Americans do, however, have a nifty line in synchronised juggling, a relaxed manner with their audience and a childish enthusiasm for dancing in tutus and playing musical instruments. LK

Bloomsbury Theatre 15 Gordon St, WC1H 0AH, Wed, Jul 27. £17 thebloomsbury.com Euston

Vaudeville Strand, WC2R ONH, Until Sep 10.

From £22.50 fkb.com Charing Cross

Who would you go gay for?

Elvis in his fat period. Maybe I’ve got a slight fat fetish because I’m putting on weight. I ate the most revolting thing today, but it was amazing: a fish-finger bagel.

Tell us about your show, Fail.

It’s a gameshow inside my head for an hour onstage which sounds really stupid – but it’s a lot of fun.

Soho Theatre, 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Until July 30. 9.30pm. £10-£15. sohotheatre.com Tottenham Court Rd

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FILMFOCUS

Who's the boss?

From Rachel in Friends to a nympho dentist in her new film, Jennifer Aniston tells us why she's having the time of her life WORDS PIERRE DE VILLIERS

It might be seven years since Jennifer Aniston last enjoyed a cup of coffee with Friends in Central Perk, but the actress is still struggling to get out from underneath the shadow of Rachel Green. “I get people still referring to me as Rachel,” the star says with a shrug, before pointing out that she also still harbours a lot of love for her famous alter-ego. “I look back at Rachel fondly. She was a lot of fun.” Fun or not, the star is seemingly hell-bent on shaking the restrictive girly-girl image that people associate with Rachel Green. The outfit she is wearing today – a figure-hugging leather dress – is a statement in itself. Then there’s her latest film, comedy Horrible Bosses, in which the actress plays a character so raunchy, it will change the way you look at her.

Aniston stars as Dr Julia Harris, a nymphomaniac dentist who will do everything to get her assistant (played by Charlie Day) into the sack – including spraying his crotch with water to try and see his equipment. For Aniston, playing Julia was clearly a liberating experience.

“I thought it would be a fun challenge to step out of that thing, what people usually like to see me play,” she explains. “I have never come across anyone like Julia, so it was pretty much just kind of going into my dark imagination and seeing what I could come up with. It’s so outrageous and it’s limitless and you don’t worry whether you are being inappropriate at all. I loved that.”

Aniston admits that shooting some of the more racy scenes had her blushing. “It was embarrassing for me too, having met Charlie Day for one day, to then straddle him in

underwear,” she says with a smile. “I was embarrassed for myself.”

Aniston certainly has nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to revealing her figure on screen. The 42-year-old actress has never been in better shape.

“For the age of sixty I'm doing pretty good,” she chuckles “No, I think that I absolutely get more comfortable in my body and who I am as I get older, way more than when I was in my twenties. I was just so awkward and uncomfortable.”

And the secret behind her fantastic figure? Lots of yoga and the drive to work out as much as possible.

“I try and keep fit regularly,” she says. “Keep in good health and in good shape and those [revealing] scenes don’t terrify you as much. I think it’s better to consistently stay in good shape so that you don’t have to go crazy [in the lead up to a film].”

Julia Harris is such a departure for Aniston you have to wonder whether her hardcore fans will be shocked by her change in direction. The actress is confident she hasn’t lost any support.

“Are people upset that I abandoned Rachel?” she says pondering the question. “No, nobody is upset about this. I certainly didn’t worry about doing the part at all. That was the fun of it – how far it went. I really went for it. The entire movie went for it. It’s not ‘Sort-of Horrible Bosses' – they are really horrible.”

Playing against type has paid off handsomely for Aniston, with many critics praising her outrageous turn. Getting ››

Transition: Aniston with her Friends crew and, right, in Horrible Bosses TNTMAGAZINE.COM

33

the thumbs-up from the press is somewhat of a new experience for an actress who has been savaged for her performances in turkeys like The Bounty Hunter and Just Go With It. Clearly, Aniston has been stung by some of the things that have been written about her.

“Critics are so inconsistent,” she sighs. “It really feels like it's personal digs as opposed to constructive critiques of performances. It’s very personal.”

Despite what critics say, Aniston has made her mark as an actress – quite literally. Recently she was invited to leave her handprints in wet cement outside the famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, where she was honoured for her accomplishments – an experience the star describes as: “Wonderful, surreal and a complete honour.”

Aniston is also committed to growing as an actress, saying she would be happy to step on to the stage.

“I started in bad theatre in New York, public theatre and things that aren’t remembered," she says. "I love the theatre and I would love to go back to it if the right thing presented itself. I just have to learn to sing which would piss you off.”

Whatever she tries next in her career, Aniston’s every move will be followed by a legion of female fans, who really identify with her. The actress seems to be at a loss as to why she is such a female icon.

“I never know how to answer that question – they like my shoes and they like my hand-me-downs? No, I don’t know. I love girls,” Aniston says, only to instantly realise it’s the sort of comment that could be twisted into a sensationalist tabloid

(l-r) Kevin Spacey, Jason Bateman and Charlie Day in Horrible Bosses headline. “Oh great. Yep, I said it. I love the girls.”

You can understand why Aniston is so bemused when it comes to the media. This, after all, is a woman who has been hounded and dissected for 17 years – from her hairstyles and clothes to her failed marriage to Brad Pitt and apparent inability to stay in a relationship for any great length of time.

It is perhaps why Aniston – who is currently dating actor Justin Theroux – comes across as guarded, if very friendly, and why she has recently decided to step out of the limelight and a take a break from acting.

“I want to travel and live a little,” Aniston, who reportedly could be taking as long as a year off, shrugs. “I’m just going to take a break and sort of not know what I’m going to do.

Which is the fun part.” ❚

34

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Horrible Bosses is out now on general release

Photos: Getty

Take a break: Aniston plans to step out of the limelight for a year

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SPARETIME

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The Sims3 Town Life Stuff

CD

Windows Vista

Jason Derulo and Lady Gaga feature in this collection of surefire summer hits. £10.00 amazon.co.uk

Give your entire town a makeover with a library, cafe and fancy gym. £7.91 amazon.co.uk

Call Of Duty: Black Ops Annihilation

Joss Stone: LP1

PlayStation 3

The third multi-player map pack for the best-selling shooter is available July 28. £9.99 callofduty.com

CD

The urban soul sista collaborates with Dave Stewart of Eurythmics fame. £8.99 hmv.com

Bambuser App

Broadcast a live video directly from your mobile to Facebook or Twitter.

Free bambuser.com

Rock Chicks: The Hottest Female Rockers From the 1960s To Now Book

Swingball Pro

Alison Stieven-Taylor profiles the most talented women in rock ‘n’ roll. £17.84 amazon.co.uk

iPhone app

It’s the game you used to play in your back garden, now on your phone.

Free itunes.apple.com

The Kashmir Shawl: Rosie Thomas Book

A woman’s spellbinding travel tale from the hills of north Wales to remote India. £6.49 amazon.co.uk

Cygnett Rotating Armour Gadget

Avoid tying yourself in knots with this iPad 2 cover which features a swivel mechanism. £39.95 amazon.co.uk

The Lincoln Lawyer DVD

Tinc Headphone Splitter

A disrespected defence attorney lands the case of his career in this thriller adaptation. £10.93 amazon.co.uk

MP3 Gadget

Share your tunes with a mate by sticking two sets of earphones in one socket. £9.00 tinc.uk.com

Oranges And Sunshine DVD

True story about a social worker who exposes a migration racket sending children to Australia from the UK in the 60s and 70s. £9.99 amazon.co.uk

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London On A Plate iPhone app

A guide to the capital’s food culture, including restaurant reviews, recipes from top chefs and even advice on dressing for dinner. £2.99 onaplateapp.com

Photos: TNT

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App of the Week

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HOW TO ENTER

Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

THE BEST SEAT IN SPORT! BROUGHT TO YOU BY OMAN SAIL

Photos: Lloyd Images

Do you want to race on a boat with some of the best sailors in the world, reaching incredible speeds of 74kph? Sailing on one of these boats is akin to racing in Formula 1 with Lewis Hamilton.

TNT, in association with Oman Sail, is giving one reader – plus a friend – the opportunity to race head-tohead onboard Oman Sail’s Extreme 40 catamarans Oman Airr and The Wave, on Saturday, August 6. The two boats will be racing each other along with 10 other international teams in the Extreme Sailing Series. (The event takes place as part of Aberdeen Asset

Management Cowes Week on the Isle of Wight between 5-11th August – see extremesailingseries.com for more information).

Oman Sail will provide the lucky competition winners with accommodation on the night of the August 6, VIP hospitality, and a Musto T-shirt each.

Entrants must be available all day on Sunday August 7 to race. Racing is subject to weather conditions. Terms and conditions apply.

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PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1453: LIVEFEST TICKETS: Gary Harvey, Conny Jones, Claire Woods, Chris Cleave, Denise Whiteside

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h s i l g n E h c TeCaombine travel & work

Language School

e s r u o C L F E T e iv s n e t In d n e k Wee Perfect for readers looking to: ‹ Combine travel and work ‹ Teach during their gap year ‹ Have a career change ‹ Work part-time with flexible hours

} There are many job opportunities worldwide to teach English to children, teenagers or adults.

} You could be in Eastern Europe, Italy, Spain, Costa Rica or Japan teaching English in a classroom, privately one-to-one, or even online.

DATE 20-21 Aug, 2011 TIME 9am - 6pm VENUE Holland Park YHA Holland House, Holland Walk Kensington | W8 7QU High St Kensington or Holland Park

* Teaching English as a Foreign Language

For further info or to book your place see:

Courses conducted by International TEFL Training

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£150

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Orange “merde” T-shirt Shock and appall with this bright orange cotton crewneck T-shirt, complete with its very own French profanity.

Yellow dress Slip on this sleeveless canary yellow shift-dress and you’ll be one smokin’ hot little bird. tkmaxx.com

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Photos: TNT

With a resident mixologist, pamper sessions and a ready-toraid wardrobe full of designer clothes, the Haagen-Dazs Boudoir is a step forward from the usual cut of pop-up shops.

Ladies are invited to sip cocktails and try on designer labels while having a five-star experience – such as DJ lessons with Sophie Lloyd, pamper sessions with the Powderpuff Girls or a food masterclass with TV chef Sophie Michell. Cat Deeley will give an exclusive VIP session on Saturday, July 30, with tips on how to look like you’re about to hit the red carpet.

But the best thing about the Haagen-Dazs Boudoir is that all the events are free. Book for private sessions or turn up for the open day on Sunday, July 31.

OPEN Until 31 July COST All sessions are free facebook.com/HaagenDazs Future Gallery, 5 Newport St, WC2H 7HY Leicester Square

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39

LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

POLE DANCING To be honest, if the class didn’t have the words ‘for men’ attached to its title, I wouldn’t have made it anywhere near the door.

The only time I’ve ever been involved in pole-dancing was on a stag night a few years ago when I was (ahem) forced to enter a strip club, although I admit to being impressed at the skill level on display. Turns out, though, poledancing is not limited to strip clubs.

As a get-fit option, it’s far harder than you’d think.

After an hour of trying to perform such moves as the shoulder mount, half flag, corkscrew spin and handspring, I’m shattered.

I can perform most bodyweight exercises easily but this forces rarely used muscle fibres into action.

I’m also humbled to learn my core strength isn’t as good as I think.

Ecole de Pole tutor Justine McLucas is incredible. I thought I’d be able to do anything she asked but seeing the ease with which she holds her entire body from the pole, I understand the level of strength and conditioning pole dancing can give you. Blokes, worth a try. It’ll definitely make you stronger.

21b, 101 Farm Lane, SW6 1QJ West Brompton ecoledepole. co.uk. Taster classes from £7

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Cool runnings Pull on your trainers and start pounding the streets – London’s calling WORDS REBECCA KENT What’s stopping you? You keep saying you’re going to take up running. You even bought those new trainers, which are stashed at the back of your wardrobe.

You’re out of excuses, so just bite the bullet and get out on the street. The weather is mild and London provides some wonderful and varied routes for pavement-pounders.

Before you up your pace from amble to high-speed, however, heed the expression ‘you must walk before you can run’.

Mike Antoniades, of Sport Dimensions (sportdimensions.com), says: “Due to our lazy Western lifestyles, our muscles switch off and the best way to wake them is to walk for one hour, at least three days a week for two weeks, then, in subsequent sessions, alternate one minute of walking with 30 seconds of running.

“One of the great things about exercise is that it makes you feel good, but endorphins don’t kick in, and calories don’t start burning until you are half-an-hour into your workout.

“So, once you start running, go for an hour each time, four times a week and you’ll start to see results in as little as one week.”

To help you on your way, we’ve asked three of London’s most seasoned runners what are the capital’s best running routes.

Rise up to the challenge: you’ll be charging up hills in no time

40

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Roger Love, trainer “I love seeing urban life while on my runs and I always get a great snapshot running around London Fields, then cutting down and into Victoria Park for a circuit,” Love, who owns lovelondonfitness.com, says.

“You see all kinds of people in the mornings, from party-people who have obviously been on a bender and slept in the park overnight, to the Chinese man shuffling along for his Tai Chi session.

“The route around the park is roughly 8km, but you can adapt it by cutting through it. I run for at least an hour. The length of time you run is much more important than counting kilometres.”

Nurari Merry, seasoned jogger Nurari Merry, 40, retail assistant at Run And Become (runandbecome.com), says: “It’s always a great route to set off from Kingston and run along the Thames towpath.

“You can go on for as long as you like, passing through lovely little towns and eventually hitting Hampton Court Palace.

“You can run up to a half marathon and it’s all flat. When you’ve had enough, you

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Scullys Hand And Body Cream A Kiwi brand for rough hands £12.99 scullysoflondon.co.uk

Attic Tea Chinese tea for every day £25.00 atticteea.com/teatox

Fast feet: keep at it and you’ll gather pace only need to pull up at one of the railway stations along the way and head back.

“It’s such a pretty route and you can even pick blackberries from bushes along the way.”

Kevin Lusignea, expert runner “A great lunchbreak run is from Victoria to Hyde Park, taking in the best sights in central London,” Lusignea of Runner’s Need (runnersneed.com) says.

“I go up past Buckingham Palace towards Hyde Park Corner, then cross through Hyde

Park up to Marble Arch then take a left and follow the path along Bayswater Road, cross over into Kensington Gardens, past Kensington Palace, along the Serpentine and into Hyde Park Corner.

“It takes me about 40 minutes and it avoids traffic and pedestrians.

There’s nothing NEXT WEEK worse than having to Nostalgia sports stop, start revival and dodge.”

Lauren’s way self tan mousse Faux Essex glow in a bottle £16.00 laurengooderofficial.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock; TNT; Getty

TOP TREATMENT: DE-STRESS SENSATION Feeling as stressed out as Rebekah Brooks is this week? We reckon she must be forking out loads on beauty treatments to look so calm and collected with all those cameras and microphones in her face. Our pick of the week for hardcore relaxation has to be the Elemis de-stress face and body treatment duo with a stress-relieving thermal massage and an anti-ageing facial to keep you looking perky when under extreme pressure. £81.70

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MAC Minerlalise eye shadow Make your lids shimmer £16.00 maccosmetics.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Standing out: be dynamic ... but not too dynamic

A design for life The creative industry is expanding at a rapid pace. To keep up, you need to be ‘hybrid’ and dynamic WORDS ALISON GRINTER The design industry is a competitive market, so you need to stand out in order to break in. But don’t give up before you’ve started – from web design and development to print marketing and page layout, there are enough avenues to cater for all skills and needs. Here, we speak to three industry experts.

Jon Dawkins, web developer Jon Dawkins, 27, a web developer and designer for creative digital marketing company, Plus Two, says the industry has changed massively in the past five years. “When I first started you were really restricted what you could do on the web,” he says.

“The digital side has just exploded 42

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and social media has gone massive on the marketing side. Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Google and SEOs have all had an impact.

“Marketing has switched with that because everyone is looking to see what they can do online. You see a lot less direct-to-door mail marketing than you used to.”

Dawkins completed a BA honours in graphic design in 2005 with modules on multi-media for flash and html.

After working as a web designer for five years, he recently made the switch to the development side of the web.

He calls it a natural career progression for anyone who works in a small to medium-sized company, adding: “You’ve got to work across media instead of getting stuck in a niche.”

Lynne Eve, graphic designer When Lynne Eve, of design-jam.co.uk, started out in web design in 1996, she never dreamed she would one day be producing celebrity biographies for the likes of Girls Aloud and Hollyoaks.

“I’ve been quite lucky in that I’ve always had good work and exciting clients; I’ve never had to do much boring stuff and I have quite a lot of experience in different disciplines within design,” says Eve, who is selfemployed and lives in Streatham.

Eve, 34, graduated in graphic design then made the switch from web to print after landing a job at an agency in Canary Wharf designing brochures.

She says: “Print design hasn’t changed much in terms of how you

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‘I wish I could find my dream job in design ...’

ON THE JOB ANGELA MCKRILL,34 CAREER Clinical Hypnotherapist, Clapham Common Clinic LIVES Clapham FROM Zimbabwe How did you get into your line of work?

When I was eight, my dad gave up smoking through hypnotherapy and I thought it was magic. That’s where my interest began. I followed it up with three years of study at the London College of Hypnotherapy.

Options: print or web? do it, but it has changed in how you present it on the web.

“So you might be doing a brochure but it will actually be a PDF for a website for someone to download.”

In today’s climate, Eve advises focusing on either being a print or web designer to make sure you “keep up” with changing trends.

“When I started out, Flash was the big thing, now it’s all about apps, social media – and everyone wants to build the next Facebook.”

SALARY Junior designers can expect to make £18,000-£20,000; midweight level £35,000-£45,000; senior £60,000+ TRAINING Print design: a foundation degree or degree-level in graphic design or a related art or design-based subject is desirable.

Web design: As above but a web designer would also benefit from completing a digital module.

LOCATION The best jobs and the biggest salaries tend to be concentrated in London PROMOTION Print designers can go on to be art directors while web designers can move up into development.

Photos: Thinkstock

Toby Thwaites, consultant Toby Thwaites, MD at Purple, a consultancy placing candidates in leading advertising and digital agencies such as Saatchi & Saatchi and Razorfish, advises to keep your skills up-to-date.

“Flash is still important as are Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator,” he says, adding the biggest shift in digital marketing in recent years, apart from the demand for apps and social media, is the way print media has been

influenced by the internet.

Employers are now looking for candidates who have a blend of offline and online experience. “Where companies were once 100 per cent offline, there’s a big shift with a lot of their incomes now coming from online,” he adds. ”They’re looking for hybrid people.”

Given design is such a sought-after career, competition for roles must be fierce. But while the going might be tough for graduates, Thwaites says there are some sectors of the market that are quite buoyant.

“There’s a shortage of people who have got previous experience – people who can demonstrate that they can produce commercial work quickly,” he says. So how can you stand out?

“You’ve got to keep up with the trends NEXT WEEK and think of new ways to Into the mind of come up with entrepreneurs strategies.”

What do you do day-to-day?

I see people one-on-one, who are dealing with issues ranging from stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, obesity, bad habits, plus phobias such as flying. Every treatment features a combination of different techniques tailored to that person.

What’s the best part of your job?

Seeing the results. I cured someone who had been impotent for 12 years.

He came bouncing in after his first shag, absolutely overjoyed.

What’s the most challenging part?

People expect you to do all the work for them. They expect you to be able to wave a magic wand.

HOW TO...

GET A PAYRISE • Do some research to find out

what you should to be getting paid. Check job adverts for comparable rates of pay for your position.

•

Know why you think you are worth that much and present your case clearly and succinctly. Be polite and reasonable.

• Pick your time carefully. If your company has an appraisal system, that’s probably the best time to negotiate pay and benefits.

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tntjobs.co.uk BOUTIQUE OF BEAUTY T: 02072231741 bobhair.co.uk Bob is a stylish group of hair salons that endeavours to offer unparalleled customer service and an amazing client experience!

JOB OF THE WEEK: Hairdressing Assistants/Junior Stylist Location: Clapham Junction, London Salary: Minimum wage Assistant needed:) We need a talented young individual who is passionate about hair and eager to make a difference, be it making customers feel welcome, answering the phones and taking bookings or shampooing clients! We will also help you gain valuable hairdressing skills...

Ola | 02072231741 | info@bobhair.co.uk

CITY BASED BROKERAGE T: 07510 300168

JOB OF THE WEEK: Ambitious Brokers Location: Shoreditch, London Salary: TBC

We are a newly established City based brokerage and are on the hunt for enthusiastic people to join our team. Offices are conveniently situated in Shoreditch.

We need ambitious, career minded brokers to work in an exciting, young, fresh and vibrant new company. You will be speaking to potential clients and expected to close deals. Sales experience preferred, Training and product knowledge given. Earnings and a basic will be discussed at interview Limited number of trainee positions available.

Sebastian | 07510 300168

www.spotless.com/2012

JOB OF THE WEEK: Operations Administrator (fixed contract to Sept 2012) Location: Flexible to Uxbridge and East London Salary: £22-25K

Cleanevent look after a number of venues including the Olympic Park, the O2 Arena and Wembley Stadium.

This role is responsible for the primary planning functions for the delivery of Cleanevent’s contracted services for the 2012 project - Excellent client service skills - Excellent organisational & resource management skills - Good Microsoft, database application skills

CLEANEVENT

Apply online to www.spotless.com/2012 Operations Administrator

STREETCAR T: 0203 004 7811 www.streetcar.co.uk The world’s largest pay-as-you-go car club, with cars around the corner across the world.

SW9 BAR T: 020 7738 3116 sw9.bar@btconnect.com We are a bar in Brixton London serving breakfast lunch dinner

TNT PUBLISHING www.tntjobs.co.uk TNT Magazine is the UK’s leading publisher of titles for travellers predominantly from Australia, New Zealand and South Africa and is currently looking to recruit for a Social Media Coordinator.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Member Services Team Location: Wimbledon, London Salary: £18-20K We need motivated and hard-working individuals to work in the Member Services Team where you will be providing excellent service on a range of issues including troubleshooting, taking bookings and dealing with member queries.

Ben Bailey | streetcar.co.uk/jobs | recruitment@streetcar.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Head Chef Location: Brixton Salary: 25.000 pa Must be able to run a small kitchen create menu’s ordering GPD organise a small team, must have all relevant certificates, we have 4 star hygiene, must have CV and refs immediate start Contact Alan on 07766231389 | email your CV to sw9.bar@btconnect.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Social Media Coordinator Location: London Salary: TBC You will work to grow TNT’s social media presence by interacting with clients and readers/users across Facebook, Twitter, and other developing platforms including resources such as blogs, newsletters, event and competition listing websites. Please send your CV and covering letter to: careers@tntmagazine.com with "Social Media Coordinator" in the subject line.

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Sandra Parr | 020 3137 5350 | sandra.parr@tntmagazine.com

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

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Newspapers, novels, magazines. Anything you can read. If I ever hit the breadline, newspapers will be the last luxury to go.

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GET SOLID RETURNS When shopping online for electronic goods, look out for refurbished items.

They’re between 20-30 per cent cheaper than new and often come with a guarantee. For example, Apple sells products that have been purchased and then returned, but you still get the same aftersales support and care.

APPY SAVING! Use the Quidco iPhone app to find out which shops and restaurants offer money-off deals in any location. The best part is its ‘check-in’ function which gives users credit to spend in stores and restaurants. Look out for the android app out next month. See quidco.com

REBECCA SEALES, 25 JOB Journalist FROM Worcester LIVES Green Lanes

spending regime two weeks before payday. I managed to cut my bills by comparing providers at which.co.uk.

How do you budget?

I have a pretty loose plan at the start of the month, then force myself into a Spartan

Last big blow-out?

I splurged at Borough market a fortnight ago and

Any money-saving tips for London life?

Shop around before signing a pricey housing contract.

For entertainment, head to the Globe – a bargain at £5 for a standing ticket.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Just a drop in the ocean Billionaire Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is renting out his luxury yacht, Eclipse, for £1.25m a week. When you’re loaded, no price is too high for a roof over your head

❚ You’ll need to stump up £40,000 a week to rent a sixbedroom London penthouse near Hyde Park, replete with crocodile skin floors. ❚ Why stop at four walls when you can have an entire island? Musha Cay in the southern Bahamas has tropical flower banks and hidden coves. It’ll cost you £15,335 per week for this slice of utopia, though.

❚ For £46m, you’ll get to feel the sand between your toes and sea breeze in your face as you step out the door of Montsorrel, a 13-acre beachfront estate in Palm Beach, California. ❚ Not in the Abramovich, league, but still steep, for £582,601, you and 35 mates can cruise the 85-metre Annaliesse yacht and jacuzzi it up all week long.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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STYLE £15

Anatomicals Want To Pull Me? Shower curtain that always has the last word anatomicals.net

Lack of frills is its charm Bethnal Green, E2

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Drawing in young arty types in search of cheap accommodation, Bethnal Green is one of the edgier parts of working-class East London. One of its major selling points is its proximity to the playgrounds of the ultrahip – Shoreditch and Dalston. But Bethnal Green’s appeal reaches wider, with students of nearby Queen Mary’s University moving into its apartment blocks and more twentysomething City workers arriving in search of a crash pad near the office.

Add this to the area’s large Bangladeshi population (London’s biggest) and you’ve got one diverse place.

Kier Hawkins, property consultant from Ellis & Co in Bethnal Green Road, says: “There are no airs and graces here – we don’t have Starbucks; it’s more authentic and independent. It’s not like Highgate, Islington or Camden – it’s more raw.”

The best bits of the borough are in pockets off the main roads – Globe Road for pubs, galleries, cafes and shops; Broadway Market for fresh produce and artisan foods; and Columbia Road for its flower market.

Bethnal Green is also a great stop for boutiques and anything vintage. Beyond Retro is on Cheshire Street and there are a host of pop-up vintage sales such as The Bethnal Green Affordable Vintage Fair. For high-street knockoffs, there’s also a market on Bethnal Green Road.

Head further towards Whitechapel and you’ll find Bangladeshi, Bengali and Indian restaurants that are an alternative to brash Brick Lane. Bethnal Green loves a party, too.

‘Raw’: Bethnal Green Road; below, Victoria Park The Working Men’s Club is a retro lover’s mecca – all sticky floors, dressing up and rock ‘n’ roll. Or try The Eleanor Arms on Old Ford Road. It’s a no-frills local pub, which is what Bethnal Green does best.

The Florist Arms on Globe Road is best for mid-week drinks and pizza. At the weekend, the Star has some quirky events, including Friday night karaoke.

Proximity is what makes the area so popular, Mo Rahman, of Globe Estates, in Roman Road, says. “You can walk to Brick Lane, Shoreditch and the City for bars, restaurants, cafes and clubs.”

Being so close to Zone One, Bethnal Green bustles day and night. Rahman says: “At the weekend there’s always somebody around.

And you’ve also got the 24-hour bus routes in and out of the city.”

Hawkins agrees: “Why spend an hour on the train every day when you can be 10 minutes from Liverpool Street?”

Bethnal Green is on the Central Line in

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MY AREA DAVID

MIDDLETON DJ, 22

“I’ve only just moved here but it seems hip and it’s cheap. There are lots of local Facebook groups for local nights, DJs and arts. I’m going to buy a bike and just explore.”

RONNIE

ROBBINS Soldier, 24

Zone Two, so you can be in Central London in 15 minutes.

So now you’ve sussed the area and you think you’ll like it, where should you be looking to live?

Prices are competitive. The more fashionable, better-looking and generally pricier spots are the terrace houses of Wilmot Street, as well as nearer to Columbia Road and in Lauriston Road by Victoria Park, which is currently having a £10m makeover in time for the Olympics and hosts festivals such as Lovebox.

For a cheaper option, go for flats in

ex-council blocks – they make up more than half of the properties in the area.

And for the best deals, look for one that’s further east, says Rahman.

“The image of ex-local is rough, but once people step in and see the flat, it does change their mind,” he adds.

Bethnal Green may be gritty and rough around the edges, NEXT WEEK but in all its The coolest street to eccentricities live on in London you’ll find its charm.

“The gym’s good, the station is close and the area has easy access to everywhere. The Shakespeare and The Sun are good pubs.”

REBECCA JONIA Hostess, 22

“I first moved here because my friends had a spare room and I decided to stay because I really like it. People say it’s dodgy but I’ve never had any problems.”

E2 INFO BOROUGH

Tower Hamlets AVERAGE COUNCIL TAX

£1195 a year TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON

Photos: TNT

10-15 minutes Flatshare £688pcm

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1,173pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £1,387pcm

A room in a furnished threebedroom apartment with wooden floors and an open-plan kitchen and lounge – close to Broadway Market and Bethnal Green Tube.

A three-minute walk from Bethnal Green Tube, this furnished one-bedroom apartment is in a modern, private block, and has a separate lounge and kitchen.

Two-bedroom, ground-floor flat – possible share – in a private block in Bethnal Green with modern fittings, an open-plan kitchen and lounge and a garden.

ellisandco.co.uk

ellisandco.co.uk

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TUBE

Central Line; Zone 2 AVERAGE ROOMSHARE

£500-600pcm AVERAGE RENTAL 1-BED

£1000-1100pcm AVERAGE FLAT 1-BED

£180,000 (ex-council) – £250,000 (new)

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WORLDVIEW

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Snazzy: it beats refuelling in mid-air

FLYING CAR TAKES OFF UNITED STATES

It’s long been a staple of sci-fi movies, but the flying car could soon become a reality, after the groundbreaking Terrafugia Transition was given the green light be US officials.

The car has two seats and is made from carbon fibre. It can lift off from most long straight roads and, once in the air, has a top speed of 185km/h. When it lands the plane’s wings fold up in 15 seconds and the newly formed car can zoom up to speeds of 100km/h. Inside, the flying machine’s dimensions are equivalent to a large sedan once it is on the road.

Jonathan Nicholson, of Britain’s Civil Aviation Authority, said the US clearance means the car can now be approved by the European Safety Agency: “The bulk of the work has already been done in the US. Safety standards are very similar between there and Europe.”

Out on the water: Londoners really do have to be innovative to create green space in the heart of the capital and Selfridges has gone the extra mile. The department store opened its roof terrace last week, proudly displaying a bright green boating lake.

Probably a good idea to leave the water skis at home, though.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @LennoxLew1s Rupert Murdoch’s wife throws a mean right hand. @GeneHunt Get your own back for shopping. Take your other half to 10 pubs without drinking then go back to the 1st for a pint. @BretEastonEllis The new Harry Potter movie is by far the best in what has been until now a so-so series.

TIKKA MASALA PIPPED UNITED KINGDOM

For years, the humble chicken tikka masala has enjoyed pride of place as Britain’s favourite dish – but not any more. The landscape has shifted.

Brits still love their curry – indeed, around six million go to a curry house each day – but the country has apparently

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grown more exotic in its tastes, with jalfrezi leapfrogging into top spot while the tikka masala tumbles all the way to eighth place.

“People’s taste buds have changed,” Baron Noon, readymade curry mogul, told The Sun. “Restaurants used to dole out insipid curries. No longer. Also people are used to hot curries now.”

STORMTROOPER CHARITY TREK

AUSTRALIA

Star Wars nut Jacob French is determined to walk 3106 miles from Perth to Sydney to raise money for charity – while wearing a stormtrooper outfit.

French doesn’t manage to look quite as sinister as the Empire’s foot soldiers, because he will also be pushing a small trolley loaded up with all his gear.

“Over the course of the trek I will cross four states and cover approximately 5000km in modified Stormtrooper armour,” he explained on the Trooper Trek 2011 website.

“The plan for now is to push a lightweight buggy with needed supplies and average a distance of 35-40km for five days a week until the trek is complete.”

French hopes to raise £30,000 for the Starlight Children’s Foundation.

Let’s hope that suit has some serious ventilation.

It’s a bloody long walk to Tatooine

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 25 No bull: McCow is psychic

KIWIS LOVE MCCOW NEW ZEALAND

Paul the psychic octopus had a charmed run during the World Cup. During the rugby equivalent, which starts in September, all the pressure will be on New Zealand’s national mascot – Richie McCow, the psychic calf.

McCow’s owner, Paul Underwood, knew he was special from the moment he was born on his Maungaturoto farm – McCow is all black, but for a white streak on his forehead that resembles a silver fern, the Kiwi national sporting emblem.

During the World Cup, McCow will be making predictions before each of New Zealand’s matches.

He will be presented two containers of food, one bearing the New Zealand flag, the other bearing the flag of the All Blacks’ opponents.

Underwood has warned, though, that should the All Blacks exit the tournament early, McCow may be bound for the freezing works.

STONE-AGE PORN

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

GERMANY

It seems people were into porn long before the internet delivered all sorts of naughty images to your home computer. Researchers in Germany have discovered a cave adorned with stone-age nudie pics.

“They include schematic depictions of women’s bodies and unidentifiable symbols, among other things,” researcher Beate Zarges said.

The ancient artists appear to have taken their inspiration for the erotic images from rock formations resembling breasts and penises and then carved them in the walls of the cave, Zarges said, suggesting the cave may have been used for fertility rights. Or maybe teenage

Litres of cheap cider drunk by a teenage thug in Middlesbrough before assaulting a school boy.

That’s 44 pints. Chav.

Value, in pounds, of the world’s most expensive yacht. Why so dear?

Because it’s plated with gold. Seriously.

10

Time, in minutes, a South Korean building shook for – experts believe a Tae Bo class on the 12th floor was responsible.

Length, in metres, of a lusty female python whose mating on the roof of a Cairns canoe club has caused it to cave in.

Primitive: sex toys have really evolved

AUSTRALIA

Caffeine-based drinks being promoted as aphrodisiacs have attracted the attention of officials, who have warned people to stay away from the sexy drinks.

Food Standards Australia New Zealand (FSANZ) warned that the provocatively named drinks, Sexpresso and Rock Hard, contained “analogues” of Viagra, despite a ban on adding it to food and drinks.

“State and territory food enforcement agencies are currently investigating the products, which are being sold as an instant coffee product, and have been available on the internet and in adult shops,” FSANZ said.“Consumers who are using this product should speak to a doctor if they are experiencing side effects.”

Aren’t the side effects the whole point?

7

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

boys have been drawing willies on walls longer than we knew.

BEWARE SEXY COFFEE

3BN

Charlie would try to keep up – but it was tough.

I can just about get by on one a day but would be happier having it 19 times a day Pornstar Bree Olson reckons Charlie Sheen couldn’t satisfy her in the sack

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: JANINE KELSO janine.kelso@tntmagazine.com

Masterchef: Beckham and his risotto

What makes the perfect man?

Photos: Victoria Beckham/Twitter

Do women really want a guy who can cook, clean and look good?

Not only is David Beckham serious eye-candy, a devoted daddy and apparently in possession of “golden balls”, but he’s a domestic god to boot. Last week, the LA Galaxy football player posted a picture of a luscious-looking risotto he’d rustled up while giving wife Victoria a rest after she’d given birth to Harper Seven.

David’s cooking ability sent the gutter press (what’s left of them) and the celebrity mags into a frenzy about Becks being the “perfect man”. He doesn’t just kick a ball around – he can cook too!

While it’s brilliant that Beckham is able to prepare a decent meal, was the occasion really such a novelty that he felt compelled to tweet about it?

I know plenty of men who can cook, take care of the kids and work hard, but they don’t feel the need to shout about it. Plus, most of them don’t have the army of nannies and cleaners the Beckhams do.

Beckham was hailed “the perfect man” for his accomplishment. But did it really warrant that much praise? Yes, there’s undeniably something attractive about a guy who can cook and clean, while still looking hot and manly, of course.

But surely the most attractive thing is a man who takes this in his stride and doesn’t expect to earn brownie points from it – just like we do.

Women have been under pressure to “do it all” for years (not that I’m complaining), so the only good that can come from Beckham’s food photo is more men realising they have to pull their weight. I bet they curse old Golden Balls even harder.

Thanks to his spearheading of the metrosexual revolution, men feel pressured to spend an average £77 preening themselves before a holiday and splash out £302 on grooming products every year.

And is he really so perfect? Becks might be a family man with a buff body, millions in the bank and the astonishing ability to follow a recipe but until he can squeeze a baby out, maybe he should just keep mum.

ANGRY BECAUSE YOU NEED A WEE Riot police have a formidable reputation, but if you’ve ever wondered why they’re so impolite, it’s because they’re desperate for the loo. Police should be ‘relieved’ every 45 minutes to stop them wetting themselves but there isn’t always the staff to replace them, according to the West Midlands Police Federation.

So that explains it. If they were able to have more loo breaks, they’d be all sunshine and light. Right?

If they need a wee every 45 minutes, I would suggest a visit to the doctor as they must either be pregnant or have prostate

“

They must either be pregnant or unwell

”

problems. I have little sympathy for the riot police. It’s the peaceful protesters I feel sorry for. Contained like pigs in a pen by police, the mostly law-abiding demonstrators are denied food, water and toilet facilities – sometimes for more than five hours. Imagine how angry the riot police would be if the tables were turned.

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Code breaker We find out just how easy it is to hack into someone’s life WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

If a collection of News of the World journos can hack into phones, how hard can it be, right? Not that hard, according to Google. A simple search of ‘how to hack Facebook/ Hotmail/ iPhone accounts’ yields nearly 40 million hits – everything from step-by-step guides to YouTube videos.

Well then, let’s get involved – we can’t let those scurrilous newshounds have all the fun. But, it turns out, when the naughty NoWers were allegedly at their most rampant, voice message security was a bit weaker. The factory default pin was as simple as ‘0000’ or ‘1234’, depending on your provider, and things have been tightened up a bit.

Phone-hacking has evolved. In 2011, it’s more about intercepting the communications on your smartphone, an apt description because, as you’ll see, on current evidence, they’re probably slightly more intelligent than the bulk of the people carrying them.

For research purposes only, I have no trouble downloading a hacking plug-in but rather than lurk around hotspots (imagine a journalist getting caught hacking iPhones this month), I instead insert a few informationeliciting questions into an impromptu bout of ‘quality time’ with my girlfriend.

After an enlightening 30 minutes talking about dogs, bikes, soft toys, her mother’s maiden name, favourite numbers and colours and ‘gosh, that hacking saga’s scary – I hope you have an alphanumeric password on your accounts’, it takes me three goes to crack her Hotmail.

And, lo and behold, I also manage to break into her Facebook account. Yes, it really is that easy.

Chances are, says ethical hacker and digital security consultant, Peter Wood, if you want it, you’ll get it.

“Most of the hacking with Facebook, email accounts is about ridiculously poor-quality passwords. It’s not secret ninja stuff in the vast majority of attacks,” he says.

“It’s terrifying how many people still use a password like 52

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‘password’ or ‘12345’. Humans are naturally lazy. If there are two ways to get the job done, they’ll take the easy option.

“They use the same password for everything, so if an ‘activist’ gets hold of it for one account, chances are they’ll have it for every one of your accounts.”

Keep sifting through the 40 million hits for long enough and eventually you’ll find more sophisticated hacking methods to use.

One video demonstrates how to set up a hacking device consisting of a portable wireless router, a G3 broadband card, a free downloadable program and false hotspot name.

Set it up at your local Starbucks and you’ll have a collection of passwords faster than you can shove a shaving cream pie into Uncle Rupert’s face.

Because smartphones, unless disabled, cleverly log on automatically to open zone wi-fi hotspots – and we, stupidly, don’t like entering a pin code every time to use it – the

“

It takes me three goes to hack her Hotmail

”

tool I downloaded could easily have access to multiple lives through Amazon, Twitter, Facebook and bank accounts. But there is a way to beat the likes of me and other gardenvariety hackers.

Jason Hart, MD for digital security firm Cryptocard, says two-factor authentication, like the HSBC card reader device introduced this month – much to the annoyance of many customers – is the way forward.

And he insists people shouldn’t complain about a system likely to become the norm in the near future.

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Clockwise: Rupert and James Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks; the fall-out from the phonehacking; iPhones need protection; Peter Wood

“With the use of one-time pass codes, two-factor authentication will solve this particular hacking problem,” he says. “There should be no reason why internet service providers shouldn’t be supplying all individuals with this.

It removes all the problems and it totally mitigates all the threats you’re currently seeing in the press.”

But before you think about having a snoop around someone else’s Facebook or Hotmail pages, remember it is illegal under both the Computer Misuse Act and Interception of Communications Act. Simply trying will land you in trouble.

“It comes down to intent,” Soho-based Vigilante Bespoke company director Oliver Crofton says.

“Think of it as trying to break into someone’s house, or just trying the door. You’re breaking the law.”

Crofton says our current willingness to share information at all costs is facilitating those prepared to ‘try the door’.

“There aren’t really any walls anymore,” he says. “People put their entire lives online which includes them logging on at Heathrow airport and then posting ‘can’t wait to go on holiday for a month’.

“Until we learn to get ahead of the hackers, we’re not really helping ourselves.”

Wood agrees: “Whether it’s with smoking or crossing the road, part of being a human being is that there’s an innate belief that it’s not going to happen to you. And that undermines every security measure there is.”

His advice is to get a pin code on your phone now, as soon as you’ve finished reading this. Set it to come on after five minutes if you use your phone a lot.

“In a science-fiction world, if you pick up a phone it recognises your DNA but we don’t have that yet. We get drunk, leave it at a bar and then we’re in trouble. It’s down to us to lock it,” he says.

Oh, and hun, it might pay to change your passwords.

Caution: don’t make it easy for hackers

SAFE SURFING PROTECT YOURSELF You’re unlikely to have unprotected sex with a stranger, so why walk around at risk of your digital life being susceptible to nasties?

• If you haven’t got the message by now, put a password on your phone and computer.

• Use different passwords for each email/social networking account. In order to stop your brain hurting, try a phrase with a full stop in the middle, with one word of the phrase changed for each different account.

• Only log on to secure connections and never do anything important at a hotspot. No online shopping, no banking. Stick to web browsing. If you have an information-sensitive job don’t even think about logging on to your work email in a public placce.

• Regularly update your phone/computer. Part of the necessity for updates is because hackers have cracked the software protection.

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53

SPORTNEWS

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Smart move: Michael Clarke

CLARKE SHUNS BBL CRICKET

Australian captain Michael Clarke has reinforced the importance of Test cricket by snubbing the Big Bash League, Australia’s domestic Twenty20 competition.

Clarke said he wouldn’t be participating in the revamped eight-team event, which will feature some of cricket’s biggest names, including Ricky Ponting, Shane Watson and Mike Hussey.

“With the greatest respect to everybody involved in the KFC T20 Big Bash League, I will not be committing for this year,” Clarke said. “My goal is to play Twenty20 cricket domestically, for sure.

“But at the moment, I want to prioritise my time and commitment to my role with the Australian team.

“We have a big six months ahead, and my commitment and focus is with those teams.”

MATILDAS INTO TOP 10

Looks like fun: this is from France vs Myanmar at the Sepaktakraw World Cup being played in Malaysia. For the uninitiated, sepaktakraw is like volleyball, except players aren’t allowed to use their hands. It’s like a game you and your mates invent in the backyard, which then takes off and becomes a real international sport. Incredible.

FOOTBALL

Australia’s women footballers have reached their highest world ranking, breaking into the top 10.

Following their strong showing at the recent FIFA Women’s World Cup in Germany the Matildas jumped two places from equal-11th (with Italy) to ninth in the rankings announced last week.

With the men’s team, the Socceroos, currently sitting at 22 in the world, this marks the highest world ranking by any Australian football team.

The rise caps an impressive 14 months for the Matildas, which included a second quarter-final at the World Cup – they were knocked out by Sweden in the tournament earlier this month – and winning the AFC Women’s Asian Cup in May last year.

There was little movement in the top 10 with the top five teams, led by the US, unchanged.

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WEBBER READY TO GO FORMULA ONE

Eleven days after his angry protests at Silverstone, Mark Webber has confirmed that he and Red Bull teammate Sebastian Vettel remain free to race each other.

The Australian said that, after a postrace discussion at the British Grand Prix, the path was clear for him and the F1 runaway leader to fight it out on the track.

Webber ignored instructions from team chief Christian Horner four times during the closing stages of the British race as he challenged Vettel in second place.

“We had a chat straight after the race debrief,” Webber said.

“Christian put his view forward of how the situation built and he came to the decision he made.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Ali Williams made his long-awaited return for the All Blacks in their 60-14 win over Fiji on Friday, but New Zealand’s first real test will come in their Tri-Nations opener against South Africa on Saturday. Williams has had a shocking run with injury in recent years but has regained fitness in time for the World Cup. He’s one of coach Graham Henry’s favourites, but still needs a big Tri-Nations to nail down a spot in the first XV.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK They gave me a chance when probably no other club would. They put their head on the chopping block Retiring AFL hardman Barry Hall thanks the Western Bulldogs for giving him another chance

That bloke could start a fight in solitary confinement

Winning ways: Rebecca Adlington

PREVIEW

Rugby league commentator Warren Ryan points out Canterbury Bulldogs star Michael Ennis’s reliable nose for trouble

Back in the swim in Shanghai WORLD AQUATICS CHAMPIONSHIPS

EVERY DAY 1PM, BBC2 Swimming is not an obvious TV sport.

You can’t see the competitor’s faces or the emotion etched thereupon. But the splash and dash can be no less thrilling than a big horse race.

The Brits will be pinning their hopes to Rebecca Adlington in the 400m and 800m freestyle – hopefully, they don’t catch the Australian curse of referring to any successful female athlete as ‘the nation’s golden girl’ – as well as Liam Tancock in the backstroke sprints.

For the Aussies, the burden of expectation rests on the women – Stephanie Rice, Liesel Jones, Jessicah Schipper – while they wait patiently for the next male star to emerge.

But the real interest for this year’s championships is rooted in what happened at the competition two years ago, when space-age racing suits led to 43 world records being broken and the competition being known as the ‘Plastic Games’.

The suits were subsequently banned, but we will now see how much damage they did. If no one gets anywhere near those suit-assisted records, swimming’s embarrassment will deepen.

He batted well but his running between the wickets was chaotic.

It was sometimes said of him that he could bat like Wally Hammond but ran between wickets like Charlie Chaplin Former Kiwi cricketer Sir Richard Hadlee discusses the eccentricities of former England player Derek Randall

TV HIGHLIGHTS

THE CHAT | Oh, Fernando

Photos: Getty

CRICKET new Chelsea boss André Villas-Boas get Q Can the best out of £50m striker Fernando Torres?

Torres arrived in Chelsea last season, he was A When without his mojo. Still, no point spending big on a player and leaving him on the bench, so manager Carlo Ancelotti found a spot for Torres and the team suffered for it. One of the first challenges facing Villas-Boas, Ancelotti’s replacement, is to deal with Torres, who has managed just one goal in 18 games for Chelsea. He will be hoping Torres find his touch and spares him the unenviable task of telling Abramovich that his big buy is a bust. Because if Villas-Boas is serious, he can’t allow himself to be pressured into picking an underperforming Torres ahead of Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka or Salomon Kalou.

England v India, Second Test Day one from Nottingham Friday 10.30am, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY UNION New Zealand v South Africa The Boks could get belted Saturday 8am, Sky Sports 2

AUSTRALIAN RULES Collingwood v Essendon Fernando Torres

Everyone hates Collingwood Sunday 5am, ESPN

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

Blade Runner: Oscar Pistorius has qualified for the world championships

Good for Pistorius, but he shouldn’t be allowed to run Athlete’s quest to become legend is compromised by leg-ends

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In Australia, the AFL is in the grip of a betting scandal. But, it must be said, on the scale of betting scandals, it’s more two-up than No Limit Texas Hold ‘Em. Collingwood player Heath Shaw has been suspended for eight weeks after he backed teammate Nick Maxwell to kick the first goal of the game. Maxwell, you see, normally plays in defence, but Shaw knew he would start in attack, so took advantage of the juicy odds with a $10 bet. Maxwell didn’t kick the first goal and Shaw lost his money – and then the AFL rubbed him out.

“

The integrity of the game is paramount

”

By comparison, earlier in the season, Western Bulldogs player Justin Sherman was suspended for four weeks for racially vilifying an opponent.

The integrity of the game is paramount, no doubt, but did Shaw’s piddling bet, which had nothing to do with the outcome of the match, really threaten that sacred cow? Was his little flutter really twice as bad as racially vilifying an opponent?

Photos: Getty

He’s known as ‘Blade Runner’ or ‘the fastest man on no legs’. Oscar Pistorius has dominated the 100m, 200m and 400m in the Paralympics and last week ran fast enough to secure a spot at next month’s World Championships. But – and maybe it sounds mean-spirited – athletes who have bodies modified by technology should not be permitted to compete against athletes who do not.

Pistorius, 24, was born without bones in his lower legs so competes with specially made carbon-fibre prosthetics attached to his knees. In 2007, the International Association of Athletics Federation ruled that Pistorius gained an unfair advantage from his ‘blades’ and barred him from competing against ‘able-bodied’ athletes. Tests on the prosthetics showed that, among other advantages conferred by his blades, the South African requires 25 per cent less energy to run at the same speed as other runners.

In 2008, though, the Court of Arbitration for Sport overturned this ruling, insisting Pistorius’s advantages were balanced out by disadvantages – for example, he starts slower and suffers more than other runners in wet conditions. The controversy was truncated when Pistorius failed to qualify for the 2008 Olympic Games and the 2009 World Championships. But now, Pistorius could be lining up in the 400m.

Maybe it’s all a storm in a teacup. Pistorius is unlikely to win anything. And maybe the moral victory – the spectacle of a man born without legs reaching the top tier of his sport – is worth bending the rules. If it was just about Pistorius, if this was a guaranteed one-off, then fair enough. Let him run. Let the feel-good story play out. But, unfortunately, it’s also about the precedent it sets. And that’s why he shouldn’t be allowed to compete.

What happens when a javelin thrower with a prosthetic arm comes along? Or a trap shooter with a biomechanically enhanced eye? And what if they are good enough to win? Technology already casts a long enough shadow in sport – one need look only as far as the way space-age suits have distorted swimming. Surely the line should be drawn at competitors with modifications to the specific limbs they rely on to compete.

THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS? WANNA BET?

Six of the best We’re 12 months out from the London Olympics, so keep an eye on the athletes primed to grab the headlines next year WORDS TOM STURROCK

At every Olympics, a handful of athletes capture the imagination, producing performances that forever define them. It is, after all, these kinds of results that make the Games worth watching.

It is unlikely to be any different next year in London and, already, there are certain athletes looming large. Next year, however they perform, these are the ones likely to command the spotlight.

USAIN BOLT Jamaica It was the most enduring image of the Beijing Olympics: Usain Bolt crossing the line in the 100m final, celebrating even before he got there, revelling in his new status as the fastest man on the planet. For his encore at the World Championships in Berlin the following year, Bolt not only cruised to victory in both the 100m and 200m, but carved 0.11sec off the old record in both events.

GOING FOR GOLD? Damn straight. No man has ever done the 100-200 double at consecutive Games. Carl Lewis tried in 1988 but came second in the longer event. History beckons.

IN THE MEANTIME? Next month’s World Championships in Daegu, South Korea, will provide a read on Bolt’s form, as well as the progress of any potential challengers.

MICHAEL PHELPS US If Bolt delivered the greatest spectacle of the Beijing Games, it was impossible to go past Phelps for sheer volume. The ‘Baltimore Bullet’ won a record eight gold medals in the pool, to go with the six he won four years earlier in Athens.

Phelps’s motivation has flagged since Beijing though. In 2009, the News of the World – remember them? – published pictures of Phelps smoking a bong at a party.

GOING FOR GOLD? Phelps has struggled since Beijing and challengers have emerged in his various events. But there’s 58

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time for him to recover and perhaps win a 20th gold medal.

IN THE MEANTIME? Well, the World Championships are being held in Shanghai this week. Can Phelps recover his best form or is he yesterday’s man?

CASTER SEMENYA South Africa Sport’s ability to produce the unexpected and, indeed, the controversial, is part of its appeal, although Semenya may not agree. In 2009, Semenya, then 18, blitzed the field to win the 800m at the World Championships in Berlin. Her performance and her muscular appearance raised questions, though, and, despite the best efforts of Athletics South Africa to hose the story down, tests revealed Semenya had an ‘intersex condition’.

GOING FOR GOLD? Despite the furore, Semenya is free to compete and her mere presence in the field is bound to be a point of conjecture.

IN THE MEANTIME? She will be hoping to defend her world title in Daegu next month, although her performances since missing last year’s Commonwealth Games with injury have been patchy.

DAVID BECKHAM Great Britain Golden Balls is no guarantee to be there but the fairytale dictates he will be one of the over-age players picked in the British squad – Olympic football is mostly an U23 event, with each country allowed to selected only three players born before 1989. Beckham will be 37 by the Olympics but his star power will add much-needed sparkle to the event.

GOING FOR GOLD? If Great Britain manage to pinch a gold medal in their home Games, the atmosphere will be unforgettable. But football at the Olympics is generally wide open and notoriously hard to predict.

IN THE MEANTIME? Beckham is just wage-slaving away for

Clockwise: David Beckham; Michael Phelps; Caster Semenya

LA Galaxy, pocketing a cool £6.5m per year to make sure he’s in fine fettle should he be selected.

STEVE HOOKER Australia Australia’s reigning Olympic and world pole vault champion is also the captain of Australia’s track and field team. When Hooker vaulted to Olympic glory in Beijing, he became Australia’s first male track and field champion for 40 years, breaking a drought stretching back to Ralph Doubell’s win in the 800m in 1968. His personal best of 6.06m has been surpassed by only the great Sergey Bubka.

GOING FOR GOLD? Hooker will be one of Australia’s brightest gold medal hopes outside the swimming pool but he faces stiff competition from Frenchman Renaud Lavillenie.

IN THE MEANTIME? Hooker will be aiming to defend his world title in Daegu but an interrupted year may scuttle his chances. But that’s not a deal-breaker. It’s all about London.

Photos: Getty Images

LEBRON JAMES US Since 1992, when NBA basketballers were allowed to compete at the Olympics for the first time, the arrival of the US basketball team at each subsequent Games has been like the Harlem Globetrotters rolling into town. In London, even in a team of superstars, James will be the one everyone wants to watch. There’s plenty to dislike about James but he remains captivating, a rare prodigy who has managed to live up to the hype.

GOING FOR GOLD? The US basketball team starts every Olympics as the odds-on favourite. They delivered in Beijing, beating Australia in the final, but went down to Argentina in a semi-final boilover in Athens.

IN THE MEANTIME? James will be doing his best to clinch an elusive NBA title with Miami – and maybe trying to recover his image after bailing on Cleveland.

THIRD TIME’S A CHARM REMEMBERING 1908 AND 1948 Next year, London will become the first city to host the Olympics three times – Los Angeles, Paris and Athens are the other two-time hosts.

Naples was scheduled to host the 1908 Games but the city was devastated when Mt Vesuvius erupted in 1906, meaning funds set aside for the Olympics were diverted to reconstruction and London assumed hosting duties.

The Games were staged at White City, which was built in great haste when it became clear the Olympics would be coming to London.

The Olympics were shelved for 12 years because of the Second World War and, even when they returned in 1948 (pictured above), they were shorn of their pomp and ceremony because of the straitened post-war climate. It meant that, rather than building an athletes’ village, competitors were billeted. It was known as the ‘Austerity Games’ – 64 years later, everyone’s still broke.

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Win a free weekend for 2 in Venice!

Flights from London Hotel and Gondola Tour All you have to do to go in the draw is: Sign up for a free membership account with Hostelsclub.com by registering at

www.hostelsclub.com/free/trip2 You will also be able to get one of our membership cards with discounts at hundreds of bars, restaurants and tourist attractions around Europe!

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Revellers remove seeds from sunflowers to represent faces at one of Europe’s biggest festivals, Paleo, in Nyon, Switzerland.

Photos: TNT; Getty

INSIDE

TREE CLIMBING /64

SUMMER SKIING /72

OKTOBERFEST FUN /78

Discover the ultimate antidote to city living by hanging for dear life from a 200-metre oak in the Isle of Wight.

Learn to ski on a glacier under a blue sky in the French resort of Les Deux Alpes, before adding rafting and mountain biking to the fun.

Join six million drinkers in an epic bender at Oktoberfest – the world’s biggest beer festival. Time to book your place at the bar.

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61

TRAVELDIARY

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Janine Kelso Photo credit @ Getty

NOTE FROM TRAVEL EDITOR

BILBAO WOW Just back from an ace weekend in northern Spain for the Bilbao BBK festival, where standout moments included a rapturous performance by Blondie in a fetching yellow jumpsuit belting out The Beastie Boys’ (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party).

From where we were standing, the veteran songstress looked no older than 25 but professional photographers whispered that they were not allowed in the pit next to the stage to snap her while performing, suggesting that she’s a tad tetchy about being no spring chicken.

Elsewhere, Liam Gallagher performed with Beady Eye, dedicating The Roller, which included lyrics such as: “I see no point in what you’re thinking”, to his estranged brother Noel. Say no more!

Apart from the fabulous acts and the fact you didn’t have to wear wellies (it was gloriously hot), one of the best things about BBK was its location.

Bilbao doesn’t get as much positive press as its glitzy Basque counterpart San Sebastian, but it has much to offer.

It’s still got the top-notch pinxos (Basque tapas) bars, but without San Seb’s scary price tags.

And it has a fraction of the tourists.

Plus it has a gorgeous Old Town, ripe for exploring.

My boyfriend and I decided to hire a car to tour the northern coast, keeping our eyes peeled for surf beaches, for which the region is famous.

Completely by accident (honest!), we stumbled upon a nudist beach at Sopalana where a mix of leatherskinned grannies and hot young things were getting an all-over tan by letting it all hang out.

With its super-soft sand and quality surf waves, the beach looked very inviting. But did we dare go starkers?

Find out next week!

Looking for a travel guide? Head to tntmagazine.com/travel where we’ve got more than 150 online

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WORLD BOG SNORKELLING Llanwrtyd, Wales Filthy, smelly, undignified and surprisingly competitive, the World Bog Snorkelling Championships has become a cult event, 28 attracting contestants and spectators from all over the world.

The sport has not yet been included in the Olympic Games, but don’t underestimate how hard it is to swim 110m with flippers in a boggy trench.

AUG

WHERE: A scenic spot in mid-Wales.

WHY: Llanwrtyd cashes in big time on being Britain’s smallest town, dreaming up events like the Weird Fish Real Ale Ramble, during which walkers sink pints at designated stops.

The Bog Snorkelling Championships, however, was Llanwrtyd’s stroke of PR genius.

EDINBURGH FRINGE Edinburgh, Scotland

The Edinburgh Festival offers a glut of music, opera 5-29 and theatre. The Fringe, however, is arguably more fun in all its silly, unpredictable glory. Many acts you can see for free and choose spontaneously.

AUG

DO IT BECAUSE: Haven’t you always wanted to wriggle through mud (no conventional swimming strokes are allowed) wearing a snorkel and goggles? Just think how sexy you’ll look.

HOW MUCH: £15. visitmidwales.co.uk

FESTINHO

Byron Bay, Australia AUG

26-28

Hinwick House hosts top music acts in aid of street children in Brazil.

festinho.com

OUTLOOK

Pula, Croatia

edfringe.com SEPT

AARHUS FESTIVAL Aarhus, Denmark

This year the theme ‘Beautiful Mistakes’ creates 26-04 a framework for events held in streets and alleys, clubs and stages.

Expect Latin American rainmakers, Japanese drummers and African choirs.

AUG-SEPT

arhusfestuge.dk/en

1-4

A celebration of bass- driven music held in a magnificent ruined fort.

outlookfestival.com

ROSE OF TRALEE

Tralee, Ireland AUG

19-23

Carnivals, concerts and street parties culminate in the crowning of an Irish lass.

roseoftralee.ie

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WADI RUM ON UNESCO SITE LIST

New status: Wadi Rum

Photos: Thinkstock

Jordan’s Wadi Rum and Kenya’s Fort Jesus are among Unesco’s 25 new World Heritage Sites. Historic Bridgetown and its Garrison in Barbados; Australia’s Ningaloo Coast; Iran’s Persian Garden; Japan’s Ogasawara Islands; and Selimiye Mosque Social Complex in Edirne, Turkey, are also included. In danger of being dropped from the exclusive list are Honduras’ Rio Platano Biosphere Reserve and Indonesia’s Tropical Rainforest in Sumatra. The World Heritage List includes 936 properties – 183 natural sites, 725 cultural and 28 mixed.

GAY COUPLES CAN MARRY IN NEW YORK

NEW CYCLE ROUTE OPENS IN YORKSHIRE

MONARCH LAUNCHES FLIGHTS TO THE RED SEA

Same-sex couples can now tie the knot in New York for the first time, thanks to the state’s gay marriage bill which went into effect on July 24.

New figures in the Out Now Global LGBT2020 Study have revealed the city is the world’s number one gay holiday destination, with Sydney coming second, Rio de Janeiro third, Paris fourth, San Francisco fifth and London sixth.

New York is now the sixth US state with legalised same-sex marriage.

A 235km bicycle route has opened in Yorkshire to enable cyclists to explore the rolling valleys and picturesque villages of the region. The five-day Yorkshire Wolds Cycle Route takes in country houses, nature reserves, the towering chalk cliffs of Flamborough and the pretty market towns of Beverley, Market Weighton and Bridlington. Re-fuel at village pubs and quaint tea rooms. Download a route map at visithullandeastyorkshire.com

Monarch is set to introduce two scheduled flights to Egypt’s Red Sea resort of Sharm el Sheikh. Running three times a week from Gatwick Airport, the flights will start from November 3 and will cost from £173.99 return, including all taxes and charges. The flights are available to book until October 2012. Sharm el Sheikh is famed for its first-class scuba diving, and for its variety of coral and wreck dives.

See monarch.co.uk

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Tall order: tree climbing is making a comeback

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Isle of Wight ENGLAND

ENGLAND WALES London

Isle of Wight

GETTING THERE Red Funnel Ferries (0844 844 9988; redfunnel.co.uk) runs a 60-minute service from the Isle of Wight to Southampton. Vehicle ferries start at £45. The Red Jet HiSpeed foot passenger service takes 25 minutes. Hire a car for £15 per day with rhinocarhire.com

Sit outside quaint Vernon Cottage and admire the view as you devour a towering platter of seafood or decadent desert, the Vernon Volcano. Ask the owners about the resident ghost (vernoncottage.co.uk).

For fresh, beautifully cooked seafood, Salty's has a menu to die for. The restaurant itself is an experience – once inside, you'll have the feeling of being onboard a ship (saltysrestaurant.co.uk).

Ramp it up at Driftwood Beach Bar 'n' Grill, the island's only licensed beach bar.

Drink cocktails and listen to the surf. Also does a great brekkie (driftwoodbeachbar.com).

Former smugglers' haunt, The Spyglass is worth a visit, if only to try its seafood chowder – perfect for soaking up the local beer (thespyglass.com).

Want luxury? Sleep at The Priory Bay, an elegant country retreat near the sea where medieval monks, Tudor farmers and Georgian gentry all once resided (priorybay.com; £160pr for twonight stay + breakfast).

The Needles; above, eco-friendly yurts; right, Frankie hanging on for dear life 64

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Camp in a meadow or stay in a caravan replete with a kitchen, TV and bathroom at The Orchards (orchards-holiday-park. co.uk; four-berth caravans from £145 for a week).

UKTRIP

High life Hanging from a 200-metre oak, we may have discovered the ultimate antidote to city living

Photos: Isle of Wight Tourism; TNT

WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

Once upon a time, tree climbing was second nature: if there were branches within reach, their temptation was irresistible. But, for most of us, those days are now in the misty past. Personally, aside from the fact I now have trouble lifting my own body weight, I’d feel weird trying to shin up a tree in my local park.

So it's with mild bewilderment I find myself dangling from one of the hefty branches of a 200-metre-tall, sturdy oak tree, harnessed and clinging on for dear life.

Wearing heavily rose-tinted glasses, I had remembered my tree-climbing years with fondness – and nostalgia spurred me into reliving that adventurous time.

Since childhood, however, things have become more complicated in the world of tree climbing: for a start, I'm wearing a helmet and there’s a safety talk before our group of four is allowed to begin.

We're then taken to a huge field where several yelloweyed goats watch us from among the wild flowers as we learn essential knot-tying skills.

Soon it's time to begin our climb. Strapped tightly into a harness (leave your vanity at the tree stump, as this is not a good look), we use a series of loops and knots to ascend.

It's a bit jerky at first, but I soon get the hang of it, taking each lift in my stride.

Between branches, there’s a fair amount of swinging around by my friend and I as our hangovers kick in, causing the ground to spin beneath us.

We rest on the first branch and giggle: there’s something satisfyingly childish about perching in a tree for the first time in 20 years.

The only genuine child in the group, however, 10-year-old Rory, allows himself no such frivolities, and spiders his way higher up the tree in minutes.

Of course, as a kid you rarely get to the top, but under the guidance of New Zealander Paul McCathie (who set up the tree-climbing business GoodLeaf in 2005), it’s possible.

In the highest branches of the oak, a hammock has been strung – and lying back in it at the height of the ascent is incredible.

I look across the Isle of Wight to the ocean and, above, the cotton-wool clouds drift peacefully. The ground below now seems very dull, and I seriously contemplate not

returning to Earth. My food could be winched up to me, perhaps, or I might learn to catch insects.

I’m finally persuaded to abseil down by the sight of the group sitting idyllically on a picnic blanket eating Mrs McCathie’s homemade flapjacks.

I join them and ask McCathie if the trees like being climbed. “Yes,” he says. “I think they like the attention.”

He should know. McCathie has worked as an arborist for more than 10 years and is passionate about trees and their importance to the environment.

As we leave, he’s sitting on a picnic hamper, dwarfed by

“

The trees like it. They enjoy the attention

”

the huge oak. The yellow-eyed goats watch us suspiciously as we drive off.

That night we stay at Afton Farm in the middle of the island. The Really Green Holiday Company has five five-metre yurts interspersed throughout an apple orchard, each with its own picnic area.

The setting is stunning and the interior of these ecofriendly, fully furnished tents is equally impressive.

Curved wooden beams meet in the middle of the roof, creating a star over the roomy living area. There are a large double bed and a pull-out futon; cooking equipment stands on shelves; piles of cushions and blankets wait invitingly.

Later, sitting outside by the light of solar lanterns in the orchard, a wood-burning stove heating the yurt up for bedtime, NEXT WEEK we let the tree vibes work their magic.

Fitness breaks I won't leave it another 20 years. ❚ Frankie Mullin stayed in a five-person Yurt at The Really Green Holiday Company thereallygreenholidaycompany.com which costs from £175 a yurt for four nights. Treeclimbing sessions can be booked with GoodLeaf from £35pp goodleaf.co.uk.

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City of light: two nights in Paris is £229 with Anderson Tours

DEAL OF THE WEEK EGYPT A nine-day £164 Egypt Express tour is £164 (was £205) with Topdeck (topdeck.travel).

Includes B&B accommodation and four meals. Excludes flights and US$135 (£83) local payment.

Departs Aug 6.

< £250

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BULGARIA Join revellers at the Spirit of Burgas music festival where headline acts include Moby.

A seven-night trip is £389 with NO MUD (nomud.com). Includes flights, accommodation, airport transfers and festival tickets. Departs Aug 8.

SCOTLAND A three-day Edinburgh Festival and Tattoo tour is £279 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co.uk).

Includes train travel, transfers, a city sightseeing tour, two nights’ B&B accommodation and a Tattoo ticket.

Departs Aug 5 and 12.

EUROPE A 10-day Southern Nomad tour is £473 (was £515) with Topdeck Travel (0845 257 5212; topdeck.travel). Includes English Channel ferry crossing, coach travel, B&B accommodation and 11 other meals. Visit France, Switzerland, Monaco, Italy and Vatican City.

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> £500 MEXICO, BELIZE & GUATEMALA A 15-day Indian Mexico tour is £1973 with Explore (0844 499 0901; explore.co.uk).

Includes flights, 14 nights’ accommodation, two meals and transport. Visit the Mayan site of Tikal, Oaxaca and more. Departs Oct 16.

PERU A 16-day Peru Hike, Bike and Raft tour is £1140 (was £1519) with Gap Adventures (0844 272 2040; gapadventures.co.uk). Includes accommodation, most meals, local transport, the Inca Trail, a mountain bike expedition and whitewater rafting trip. Excludes flights. Departs Aug 7.

NEW ZEALAND A 15-day Grand Explorer tour is £1025 (save £114) with Contiki (0845 0750990; contiki.co.uk). Visit Wellington, Christchurch, Milford Sound, Lake Ohau, Bay of Islands, Queenstown, Waitomo Caves, Taupo and more. Excludes flights. Departs Aug 31.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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EGYPT A nine-day Felucca Odyssey tour is £129 with Travel Talk Tours (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours. com). Includes B&B accommodation, two lunches and two dinners. Visit Cairo, Aswan, Luxor and more. Excludes flights. Departs Jul 30 and Aug 6.

CZECH REPUBLIC Three nights in Prague is £245 with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs Sep 5.

FRANCE A three-day trip to Paris is £229 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co. uk). Includes Eurostar travel, B&B accommodation, transfers and a sightseeing tour of the city.

Departs Aug 5.

ROMANIA A two-night stay in Bucharest is £205 with Untravelled Paths (0871 662 9521; untravelledpaths.com). Includes boutique hotel accommodation, a guided city tour and visits to the People’s Palace and to either the Village or Peasant Muesums. Excludes flights.

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UK SURF HAVENS

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NEWQUAY, CORNWALL

Newquay is the surf capital of the UK thanks to its gnarly tubes and bitchin’ breaks. Located in Cornwall – a fivehour drive from London – the town boasts 11 sandy beaches over a sevenmile coastline. Experienced surfers head to Newquay’s biggest beach, Fistral, pictured above, which hosts high-profile competitions such as the UK Pro Surf Tour. You’ll have plenty of room to spread out from fellow surfers, and non-surfers can enjoy a swim.

Lusty Glaze beach provides a sheltered haven more suited to intermediate boarders. There’s also the Adventure Centre for beginners.

While in Newquay, swing by nearby Watergate Bay. This seaside resort hosts the Extreme Academy, where you can take a break from surfing and test your skills with beach activities such as kite-boarding, paddle-surfing or wakeskiing on the resort’s two-mile beach.

Never surfed before? Learn with Escape Surf School (escapesurfschool. co.uk) or Cornwall Surf Academy (cornwallsurfacademy.com). As well as surfing, Newquay is well-known 68 00

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for its apres-surf. The town has a buzzing nightlife with a raft of pubs, restaurants, live music venues and clubs to entertain even the most hardcore surfer. Be prepared to meet rowdy stag and hen parties.

In between catching waves, spend some time exploring the nearby historical sights, such as Tintagel Castle (english-heritage.org.uk/tintagel), an atmospheric castle which sits atop the cliffs overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.

Also worth a look is St Michael’s Mount, a 14th-century fortress, steeped in folklore, which can be found on a small island just off Penzance.

One of Cornwall’s star attractions is the futuristic-style Eden Project (edenproject.com), the largest conservatory in the world.

Sited in the depths of a disused china clay pit and surrounded by rolling green countryside, visitors can explore two cavernous biomes containing thousands of different plant species.

It really is spectacular. visitnewquay.org

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN Decadent rooms

2

PORTRUSH, N. IRELAND

Situated on a mile-long peninsula, Portrush is one of the most popular surfing areas in Northern Ireland.

The seaside getaway is surrounded by beaches, providing plenty of board action. Troggs Surf School (troggssurfschool.com) is approved

by Quiksilver and Roxy and offers individual or group lessons and sells equipment. Apart from the surfing, the stunning scenery is worth the visit. portrush.org.uk

Photos: Getty; TNT

4

CROYDE BAY, DEVON

This small village on the coast of North Devon has three beaches that are sheltered by the bay, making them ideal for all levels. This is becoming an increasingly popular destination for surfers. It’s home to various competitions, but is also close to a quaint village which is brimming with old-world charm. Enjoy a traditional pub lunch and go for a walk to Baggy Point when you’re not catching waves. devon.gov.uk

3

TYNEMOUTH, TYNE AND WEAR

While the waters of this Northern England beach may be chilly, Tynemouth offers a refreshing alternative to the well-known surf havens of Cornwall and Devon.

Tynemouth hosts the British National Surfing Championship, bringing top boarders and fans of the sport to its shores. Visit during spring and summer months to give the water a chance to warm up. visitnortheastengland.com

5

THURSO EAST, SCOTLAND

The surf at Thurso East crashes over a rocky reef, providing large swells for experienced surfers. The waves have been said to resemble those off the coast of Hawaii, although the experience undoubtedly outweighs the chilly temperatures – the water averages just six degrees. Less experienced surfers should beware of unexpected rocks. Get there by ferry, bus or road. Thurso is also British Rail’s most northerly stop.

HELGA’S FOLLY OVERVIEW The Stereophonics were so enamoured by this Sri Lankan boutique pad they wrote the song Madame Helga after spending what must have been a memorable night here.

WOW FACTOR Sited on a hill outside the frenetic city of Kandy, and surrounded by a tangle of jungle where monkeys swing, this hotel has a louche and decadent feel to it: think 19th-century opium den meets Moulin Rouge.

Small wonder, then, that it is known as a celebrity haunt.

Guests can lounge about communal rooms, crammed with dark velvety drapes, cosy sofas, puffed-up cushions and wax-dripping candles. Walls are plastered with pictures of Hollywood movie stars and of owner Helga’s family.

ROOMS Wildly ostentatious, rooms are decked out with four-poster beds swatched in black lace and gold sheets.

Our room was musty and dusty, which added to the old-world charm but wouldn’t suit clean freaks.

BILL PLEASE Double rooms from £117. JANINE KELSO

Helga’s Folly, Off Mahamaya Mawatha, Kandy, Sri Lanka helgasfolly.com

visithighlands.com

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TRAVELTIPS

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READERS’ TIPS FREE MUSEUM TIP Museums in Paris are OF THE expensive, but Musee WEEK Carnavalet is free and it’s great! Dedicated to the history of the city, the venue is loaded with art, furniture and even Neolithic canoes. It can be found on Rue de Sevigne, near Metro St Paul.

Jan & Brian, via email

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

heading to Russia in August and Q I’m I want to take the Trans-Siberian. From Beijing, I’m going to head to South Korea and Japan. Can I buy tickets for the TransSib for short journeys as I want to make various stops along the way? From Beijing, which route is the cheapest for Japan?

Amber, via email

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to go on a snowmobile and do some dog sledding. Where should I go and what’s the cheapest option? Barbara, via email you are visiting Scandinavia in winter, A As brave the cold and try to catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights while you’re there.

Unfortunately, none of the Scandinavian countries will be cheap to visit. You should bear this in mind when planning your trip.

You could just go for it and push the boat out (excuse the pun) on Norway’s famous Hurtigruten (hurtigruten.co.uk), which has a spectacular New Year’s voyage. The excursion is an eight-day trip along Norway’s coast with New Year in the North Cape, including dinner and fireworks. There is also the opportunity to go dog sledding, snowmobiling and visit the Ice Hotel – but this is at an additional cost.

This tour costs a whopping £1453pp and does not include flights or additional excursions.

Creating your own trip should be more costeffective if you stay in hostels and book tours with independent operators.

Trips to this area during the festive period will be dominated by Santa tours, so it’ll probably be cheaper to visit one of the capital cities and book excursions to experience the outdoor activities. Stockholm’s New Year celebrations include fireworks across the water and SAS flies everyday to Kiruna – a hub for snowy adventures. See kirunalapland.se

EAR WE GO Travel earplugs are a godsend when away from the peace and quiet of home. It often takes time to adjust to sleeping in a foreign environment.

Blocking out irritating sounds means you wake refreshed and raring to go and explore a new destination.

Ross, via email

WIN Send us your words of wisdom.

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A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Thinkstock

time you break your Trans-Siberian A Each rail journey you will have to purchase a new ticket. Therefore, consider carefully how many stops you would like to make and budget accordingly. Man In Seat 61 (seat61.com) has a wealth of information on the Trans-Sib Railway – everything from how to book your tickets to how good the toilets are.

The site recommends booking through Real Russia (realrussia.co.uk). Although the online agency charges a premium, it enables you to reserve tickets up to 180 days in advance. The best part about this site is that it has a Trans-Sib planner which allows you to input how long you want to spend in each destination and calculates which trains you need and the cost.

For onward journeys, note overland travel is not possible through North Korea (DPRK) so you will need to book a ferry or flight from China to Korea and Japan. You can travel from Beijing to Shanghai by train and then catch a ferry to Japan. You may find this cheaper than flying.

Travellers on our Thorn Tree forum recommend booking the ferry in advance. Arrange all of your visas prior to departure.

like to go to Scandinavia for Q Iawould short break over New Year. I’d love

PLASTIC FANTASTIC Take a plastic container with a lid with you when travelling because it’s the ultimate multi-purpose travel accessory. You can use it to transport breakable souvenirs safely, prepare salads and cereal, or store leftover food. When it’s not in use, pack your socks in it.

Judy, via email

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Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world Files must be at least 500Kb.

SUNRISE IN THE SAHARA, MOROCCO Michelle Leon, from London, UK

BEST / WORST TRIP COURTNEY HICKS, 27

CHRIS PELLOWE, 26

Auckland, New Zealand

Hamilton, New Zealand

BEST During a trip to Marseille, on the French coast, my three mates and I went on an evening boat trip to a cove where we sat beneath the moonlight with bottles of wine.

Then we swam with phosphorescent jellyfish. It was one of those moments I’ll never forget.

WORST When heading to Pamplona’s Bull Run, my elbow became swollen so I went to hospital where they kept me for three nights, while my friends went to the Bull Run. With no Spanish, I didn’t understand what was wrong.

I finally learned I had cellulitis which can be very serious. » Tell us your best/worst trips Email: janine.kelso@tntmagazine.com

Your most memorable travel experience?

Swimming with whale sharks in Ningaloo Reef, Western Australia. They only eat plankton but are still 11 metres long.

Scariest experience?

Crawling in the Cu Chi tunnels (used by the Viet Cong) in Vietnam. I didn’t take a torch and hadn’t realised I was claustrophobic.

Best party you’ve been to?

Tubing down a river in Laos with bars on either side and flying foxes in the trees.

SPLASHING OUT

AIRPORT LOUNGE USE You don’t have to be flying business class to loll about an airport lounge, where you can knock back bubbly, use the internet and feast on unlimited free food. Available at all London airports.

Photos: TNT; PR

THE TRAVELLER

Prices at The No1 Lounge at Stansted start from £15pp with Holiday Extras (0800 1313 777; holidayextras.com).

THE INSIDER

LYNSEY DEVON Specialist & Activity Sector PR manager TUI Travel Sport

My first ever big trip was a road trip around the US with my Dad when I was eight-years-old.

We visited Michigan, Chicago and Arkansaw, travelling

by Amtrak train, Greyhound bus and hire car. Highlights included being in a liquor store as it was held up, eating a pizza the size of a table and hearing Elvis on the radio everywhere we went.

My favourite place in the world is anywhere in the mountains. I’ve been lucky enough to have lived in Switzerland, Italy, the US and Canada.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Nepal. I’d like to trek around the Himalayas and do some community work with disadvantaged children, an experience offered by i-to-i Volunteering.

My guilty travel pleasure is Clarins day and night cream, because travelling really takes its toll on your skin.

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Year-round fun: the largest skiable glacier in Europe is a summer playground, below right

Les Deux Alpes FRANCE

PARIS

FRANCE Grenoble Lyon Les Deux Alpes

GETTING THERE Fly return with easyJet from £50 (easyJet.co.uk) or BA from £110 (britishairways.com) into Grenoble or Lyon. You can also book a return with Eurostar from £109 (eurostar.com) to either Grenoble or Lyon. Visit les2alpes.com

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Rafting paradise: the Vénéon river. Left, Frankie on the slopes

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SHORTBREAK

Ski's not the limit Learning the ropes on a glacier under a blue sky is pretty cool.

Add rafting and mountain biking, and it's impossible to beat WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

I slice down the icy piste like a blade, the mountain air whistling past my ears. In my head I am a slippery siren of the slopes. As I crash to the ground at the bottom of this easy beginner's run – calling it a slope is a stretch – a group of neon-clad kids zoom past. My ever-patient instructor Olivier raises an eyebrow. “My three-year-old daughter skis here,” he tells me, trying not to laugh. It’s my first time skiing and the reality of my ability is somewhat different to the selfimage I have.

But it doesn't bother me, because in just two days I’ve gone from not being able to stand up in my uncomfortable ski boots to making my way upright around this basic circuit. And it's enough to get me hooked.

That the sun is shining on the glittering glacier of Les Deux Alpes, and that I can see Mont Blanc across the dizzying peaks, are adding to my joy.

It’s July and – thanks to the summit’s height and the work of a fleet of snow traps and snow-grooming machines – this is one of the few places in Europe where you can summer ski.

Les Deux Alpes, a two-hour drive from Lyon, is situated at 1650 metres, balancing on the lip of a valley, at the bottom of which the wide Véneon river snakes.

Summer skiing here takes place between 2900 and 3600 metres and all levels are catered for with four blue runs, two green, two red and a freestyle and off-piste area (in the winter there are many more).

A snowpark at 3400 metres is one of Europe's most popular, and its halfpipe, kickers, boardercross courses and grinding rails are used for international competitions.

Happily for me, though, beginners need not fear, as the glacier also features several wide runs with gentle altitude differences, perfect for learning the basics.

While there is an absence of soft powdery snow on the glacier, the pleasure of being able to sit by the pool after a morning of hard graft on the slopes is recompense.

The resort is geared up for outdoor enthusiasts year-round and I manage to pick up some impressively gnarly bruises from other decidedly un-pedestrian activities.

I take a cable car down the mountain to raft the Véneon valley between towering Alpine mountainsides.

May until September is the best time for this, as the mountain rivers flow furiously, fed from melt-water running off the glaciers high above the town. The water is Disneyesque

turquoise and, high above, the sky is bright between snowy summits.

There’s enough white water to make the trip exciting and, on the calmer stretches, I admire the breathtaking view.

Between navigating rocks and rapids, our instructor Benjamin is all laidback French charm as he points out the ravines which are prefect for canyoning, and the tiny, hilltop village “good for a romantic meal".

Perhaps sensing we are growing complacent, he grounds the raft on a bank and orders us to throw ourselves into the rushing current. I launch myself downstream, gathering speed and a few mouthfuls of froth before I'm hauled out, cold but buzzing.

If rafting connected me to the water, my next adventure surely gets me in touch with the earth. A fair amount of it in

High life: there are slopes for all levels

fact, as I meet the ground face-on during another nail-biting downhill adventure.

Throughout summer, Les Deux Alpes is a mountain biking mecca. The area that is, in winter, devoted to skiing is taken over by bike trails running from 3200 to 900 metres.

A series of chairlifts take riders up the flower-covered, cricket-buzzing mountain to where the red, black, blue and green runs begin. From the air, it looks easy.

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73

embarrassing. But downhill mountain biking is not for the faint-hearted. Standing, leaning over the bike at what feels like a perilous angle, even the easy routes require guts. “Ça va?” a concerned cyclist asks me as he passes, not able to comprehend that anyone would go so slowly without a serious injury. “Bien,” I reply. “I’m just bricking it!”

As I bump my way down the tracks I’m filled with admiration for the expert riders who fly past. During my visit, Les Deux Alpes is hosting the 8th Mondial du VTT, one of the country’s biggest mountain bike shows. This, I tell myself, is ample excuse for being the shakiest person on the mountain.

Anyway, in the warm July air, a lack of skills in no way spoils the buzz of throwing myself down this mountain, be it on skis, board or wheels. I pick myself up from the snow with dignity, thinking that this time around the circuit, I will indeed become the ski siren of my dreams. ❚

Downhill action: dress to impress

Frankie Mullin flew to Lyon with easyJet easyjet.com and stayed at the Chalet Mounier chalet-mounier.com (see box below). A ski pass is £30pp. Whitewater rafting with Integral Rafting integralraftingcorp. free.fr is £16.50pp; mountain bike hire is between €25 and €90 (£21-£80) a day. See les2alpes.com

NEXT WEEK Strip off in style.

Nudist beaches in northern Spain

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

For cheap and filling eats, join the re-fuelling kids at W Burgers for pizza, pasta, beer, milkshakes or, yep, burgers (79 Avenue de la Muzelle 38860; 00 33 476 113 960).

For crêpes, waffles, sandwiches, pizza and roast chicken hit Fast Food Crêperie du Centre (67 Avenue de la Muzelle, 38860; 00 33 476 795 703).

Nourish yourself with hearty mountain specialties such as raclette, tartiflette and cheese fondue at Le Cellier. The decor is eccentric with arty objects hanging from the ceiling. The long, wooden tables and benches happily accommodate large, boisterous parties (14 Avenue Henri Barbusse, 69250; 00 33 478 982 616).

You need to spoil yourself at least once on your trip and Le Raisin d’Ours is the place to do it. Food is seasonal and cooked in unusual ways – think fish with a side of Sangria.

Staff will help you choose wine to match each dish. Despite being at the pricey end, the restaurant still feels informal (leraisindours.fr).

SLEEP

Residence le Soleil Maison has apartments sleeping up to 10 people, equipped with kitchenettes. Laundry facilities and a free shuttle to the city centre are also provided. It may be budget, but the views are still stunning. From £281pp per week (2alpeslesoleil.com).

If you don't want to break the bank, but still need to feel comfortable after a day on the slopes, the twostar Côte Brune will hit the spot.

Facilities include ski lockers, boot dryer and wifi as well as a bar and restaurant. Single rooms from £49 (hotel-cotebrune.com).

Set on the edge of the mountain with spectacular views, Chalet Mounier is a traditional wooden lodge and is both sophisticated and cosy. It has a spa, a swimming pool and a Michelin-starred restaurant. Double rooms cost from £105pn (chaletmounier.com).

DRINK

Drink until 2am with the younger riders at Cafe and Bar Windsnow (8 Rue des Vikings, Immeuble les Séracs, 38860; 00 33 661 812 441).

At Smokey Joes, located at the bottom of the main ski lift, you can listen to live music as you scoff TexMex. Be prepared for shooters and fancy dress nights (smokeyjoes.fr).

One of the first places you'll be pointed to for a drink is longstanding Pub Le Windsor. The bar is warm and cosy with leather seats and friendly clientele. There are more than 100 beers on the menu as well as an impressive range of whiskies (70 Avenue de la Muzelle; 00 33 476 792 295).

If you can't afford to stay at classic ski lodge Chalet Mounier, visit for a drink. Choose from a cosy, fireside lounge to rest your weary bones after a day's skiing or an elegant bar to sip house-specialty cocktails. There's also a games room (chalet-mounier.com).

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Photos: Getty; TNT; Thinkstock

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BUDGET

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HOTSHOTS

LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Photographing abroad PEOPLE Always ask permission before you take out your camera and start snapping. Be polite and smile to put your subject at ease.

Don’t be put off if they decline; respectfully move on – this is bound to happen and will make

you more confident next time.

Take your time and don’t rush – if they are happy to pose, a few extra seconds while you get your settings right won’t matter.

And make sure you research the culture of your destination, so you know what’s socially acceptable.

RUNNER-UP

BROWN BEAUTY MELISSA HARKESS, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS The use of a macro lens and a shallow depth of field really bring this image to life. It creates a 3D effect; the tip of the wing, with its dazzling detail, is in focus, the rest fades into the burst of green from the leaves. At first glance, there are two predominant colours, but, on closer expectation, there is a rainbow of shades. Off-centre positioning produces a minimal feel and gives your eye a line to follow. Tight cropping helps bring the viewer closer to the subject.

TWO CHEEKY LADIES REBECCA BRUCE, Australia

WHY IT WORKS Humour is great in photos, but it’s difficult to capture.

There’s a great contrast between the smiling face of the woman on the left and the stony-faced expression of the lady on the right. There is also a lovely symmetry in the image with the identical hats.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two, worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Lakes less ordinary This is the Lake District in 48 hours WORDS JANINE KELSO

DAY 1: 09:00 Gear up for an adventure-packed day by chowing down on a hearty cooked breakfast at the awardwinning Apple Pie Bakery Cafe (applepieambleside. co.uk). The charming eatery can be found in the village of Ambleside, pictured above, the so-called 'capital of anoraks' thanks to its glut of outdoor gear shops.

10:00 Pull on your hiking boots, grab a waterproof and trek to the Stockghyll Force waterfalls, a 10-minute walk from Ambleside village. The 21-metre shampoo-ad-worthy waterfall is best viewed after a bout of heavy rain. It's a further two-hour hike to reach Wansfell Pike, where you'll be treated to eye-popping views of Lake Windermere. Don't forget to take plenty of deep breaths of squeaky-clean air.

13.00 Refuel at 15th-century mill-turned-eatery The Glass House Restaurant (theglasshouserestaurant.co.uk) which serves up an array of posh sandwiches and tartlets, as well as old favourites such as jacket potatoes and Seventiesstyle prawn cocktails. Cumberland sausages and lamb stew are top picks if you're particularly ravenous.

15:00 Follow in the footsteps of the Lake District's most famous son, poet William Wordsworth, by snooping around his homes at Rydal Mount, near Ambleside, and Dove Cottage in Grasmere. At Rydal Mount, mosey round the attic study which the writer used when he was Poet Laureate.

Tickets are £6.50. Wordsworth lived at Dove Cottage with his sister Dorothy from 1799 to 1808, where they regularly entertained an illustrious bunch of scholars, including Sir Walter Scott and Samuel Taylor Coleridge. It was later home to the lyricist's friend, Thomas de Quincey, who wrote The 76

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Confessions Of An English Opium Eater. Tickets cost £7.50 (wordsworth.org.uk).

17:00 For fans of Peter Rabbit, there's Hilltop Farm, where Beatrix Potter once lived, in Near Sawrey, and a museum in Hawkshead (visitcumbria.com).

19.00 After an activity-heavy day, you'll be ruddy-cheeked and ready for a feed, so dine in style at Michelin-starred Holbeck Ghyll (holbeckghyll.com), near Ambleside.

Featured in Steve Coogan's TV comedy The Trip, this eatery affords gorgeous views over Lake Windermere and of the mountains beyond. Expect lavishly presented and burstingwith-flavour dishes such as roast quail and truffle risotto.

If you want to give your credit card a break, the Drunken Duck Inn (drunkenduckinn.co.uk) offers affordable and hearty fare with a fancy twist (roasted lamb rump with venison and kidney pudding) washed down with real ales.

DAY 2: 09:00 Get stuck into the appropriately named 'breakfast fit for a king' at Lucy's On A Plate (lucysofambleside.co.uk) – you've got a high-octane day ahead in the UK's adrenaline capital.

10:00 Saddle up for a bike ride in the Grizedale Forest (forestry.gov.uk/grizedalehome), studded with more than 90 sculptures to stop and gawp at while catching your breath. Hire a bike from Grizedale Mountain Bikes from £18 for four hours (grizedalemountainbikes.co.uk).

12:00 Feast on a tasty lunch at traditional lakeside boozer Three Shires Inn (threeshiresinn.co.uk). On sunny days, diners can sit in a landscaped garden by a Lakeland stream, overlooking the Tilberthwaite Fells, while munching on

Photos: Tony West; TNT; britainonview.com

Stunning view: Lowther Valley

succulent beef in ale pie or locally made Cumberland sausage, a must-eat Lake District dish.

13:00 Test your mettle by indulging in one of the many adventure sports on offer in the region. Known as the birthplace of rock climbing, there's a surfeit of crags here for climbers of all levels. Ambleside boasts some of the area's top-notch rocks (and best pubs for a postclimb tipple), while Coniston offers a wide variety of contrasting climbs. Do a course with Adventure Peaks (adventurepeaks.com) from £80pp for two days. Or Climb 365 (climb365.net) from £265pp for two days.

Or try jumping down waterfalls into cold pools, slithering through narrow gorges and climbing slippery rocks in a sport known as ghyll scrambling, which involves ascending or descending a Lakeland mountain stream.

A half-day's activity costs from £30pp with Keswick Mountain Adventures (keswickmountainadventures. co.uk). You'll be roped in and instructors will let you skip the bits that the wusses among you find too scary.

16:00 No trip to the lakes is complete without a traditional afternoon tea; fresh scones with lashings of cream and jam washed down with a nice cuppa. Cafes selling these delights are ubiquitous, but top draws include Low Sizergh Barn (lowsizerghbarn.co.uk), in Kendal, set on an organic dairy farm.

Virgin Trains virgintrains.co.uk direct from London Euston to Oxenholme (2hr40mins) from £83 return, and Penrith (3hr), from £86 return. National Express coaches nationalexpress.com connect London with Ambleside (8hr10mins) from £50 return.

Exhilarating: Grizedale Forest

Rock out: explore the Lake District TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Munich GERMANY

BERLIN

GERMANY MUNICH

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GETTING THERE Fly direct from London to Munich with EasyJet (easyjet.com), Ryanair (ryanair.com) and Lufthansa (lufthansa.com). Flights cost from ÂŁ159 return with easyJet.

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BIGTRIP

Beer we go again!

Join six million drinkers in an epic bender at Oktoberfest – the world's biggest beer festival. Time to book your place at the bar WORDS INGER SMITH

WHEN TO GO: This year's Oktoberfest will take place from Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps dirndl-clad barmaids, so we don't need to September 17 until October 3. forward, one step back. Thankfully, the end leave our seats.

Cannstatter Volksfest takes place of the line is finally in sight and there's even Strong like bulls, these ladies can shuttle from September 23 until October 9. staggering amounts of beer to the tables a bit of a scuffle as excited beer lovers sense that the brew is near. (the Guinness World Record is 19 steins).

CURRENCY: Euro.

This is a scene that would be commonplace 1 GBP = 1.12 EUR. Later, my hands ache at the end of in any pub any night of the week. But the day – just from holding on to my LANGUAGE: German, but it's only 8am. Already the masses are one-litre mug.

English is widely spoken. congregating outside Munich's Löwenbräu My friends and I look the part – dressed ACCOMMODATION: tent, ready to indulge in another solid day in traditional lederhosen and dirndls – as Hostel accommodation costs from of beer drinking. more visitors embrace the fashions once the £30 per bed per night and from Hours earlier, on the coach on the way to preserve of the staff. Although I'm sure the £92 for a private room at Hotel the festival, our Busabout tour leader Damo lads are pleased, as most of the women are Nymphenburg Munich or from explains what lies in store when we hit scantily clad in revealing low-cut tops £73 for a private room at A1 the grounds. and hitched-up skirts.

Hostel Moosach.

"Today we'll be drinking beer and dancing SEE: oktoberfest.de/en Beer is served from 9am on weekends and on tables – then drinking more beer," he said.

10am on weekdays. It's a tad earlier than I He then teaches us useful German phrases normally crack open my first drink of the day, which we weave into a drinking song, complete but I soon get caught up in the raucous atmosphere of the with dance moves so we can join in with the locals when festival, often referred to as 'Disneyland for drinkers'. they start crooning in the tent.

A stein or two later, and with the help of an energetic Luckily, the lyrics are printed on the backs of our T-shirts oompah band, the party is in full swing. As the hours go in case we forget the words, which is likely once the beer by, the party gets louder, wilder and more boisterous. starts flowing.

Revellers dance on the tables while singing along to Back in the queue, packed in like sardines, we squeeze traditional German drinking songs as well as pop and rock our way through the legendary ‘Tunnel of Desire’ with its anthems from the likes of Queen and The Killers. This is the signature 4.5-metre-tall lion towering above, before finally perfect way to experience German Gemütlichkeit (friendly reaching the entrance to the beer hall. ambience) first hand.

Our pilgrim journey is not yet over. In fact, it’s only now With more than six million people attending, it's that the real pursuit begins: the quest for a seat. impossible to imagine this 211-year-old event initially Here at Oktoberfest, getting your bum on one of the started out as a celebration of the nuptials of Crown Prince sought-after wooden benches is the first and most essential Ludwig and his bride, Princess Therese. step of getting a stein – if you don't, you won't get served.

Now, the 17-day festival sees more than seven million The good news is that once you’ve found a seat, you’re litres of beer guzzled, 90,000 litres of wine consumed and sorted for the rest of the day and can focus on the task at nearly 120,000 pork sausages eaten. hand: downing, singing and dancing.

The party officially kicks off at noon on the first day of the "Remember, what happens at Oktoberfest …" says Damo. festival (September 17 in 2011) when the lord mayor taps the We all breathe a sigh of relief. He then smirks and adds: first keg of beer and cries: "O' zapft is" ("It's tapped").

"What happens at Oktoberfest … goes on Facebook." That's Only then can visitors quench their thirst. it, we all know we're heading for public disgrace.

There are 14 large tents and 20 smaller ones from which Our drinks and grub are brought to us by buxom Bavarian to choose. Each one has its own character, ranging from ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Get amongst it: all the fun of the fair the funky celebrity-packed Hippodrom and the youthful Löwenbräu to the displays of yodelling in the Braeurosl and traditional roasting oxen in the Ochsenbraterei.

We opt for the Löwenbräu, also a meeting point for the fans of the TSV 1860 Munich soccer team of the same name.

There are 5700 seats inside and 2800 in the beer garden.

The largest one is the Hofbräu-Festzelt, which has a capacity of nearly 10,000 people.

With thousands of drinkers in one room, fuelled with an endless amount of beer, there’s bound to be some anger issues and temper tantrums.

“

known is this is marathon drinking, not a sprint. After a short powernap, he catches a second wind and knocks back another four steins, which is the equivalent of what I drink in one day.

We attempt to explore this mammoth festival – and aim to visit each of the 14 beer halls, festival houses and Schnapps stalls but fail miserably.

However, it's not only the amber brew that is tempting

I'm hit by a flying gingerbread heart

”

I'm surprised, however, as most people are well behaved.

Just as I think this, a giant gingerbread heart gets launched into the air by an enraged reveller after he got into an argument with one of the girls in our group.

I had never thought of these baked delicacies as forceful weapons until this jumbo version hits me on the head, knocking me into the girl standing next to me, causing both of us to topple like bowling pins.

A broken heart, and a few tears later, and we are back in drinking mode.

I look over at my husband who's slumped against a table.

It’s only noon but, in hindsight, he did knock back the beers a little faster than everyone else. What he should have 80

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Cheers! It's beer o'clock

Volksfest: more beer-swilling fun

Best of the rest There’s more to Munich than beer, so take a day’s rest from the festival mayhem and explore the Bavarian capital and its surroundings.

CITY OF MUNICH Founded in 1158AD by the monks of the Benedictine order, Munich has plenty of history to delve into, and Marienplatz in the city centre is a good place to start.

Here you can find the impressive neo-gothic New Town Hall (Neues Rathaus) and its famous Glockenspiel.

Not far from there is the bombastic Frauenkirche, the landmark of Munich, with its giant ‘salt and pepper’ shaker set towers.

ENGLISCHER GARTEN today’s Oktoberfest visitors. The beer tents are surrounded by a large fairground with tonnes of rides – rollercoasters, bumper cars, carousels and fairground games, so there’s plenty to keep you entertained.

In fact, not only will you be entertained, this will most likely be the biggest – and best – party you’ll ever attend. So put on your drinking boots (along with a pair of lederhosen or a dirndl), and let the fun begin. Prost!

VOLKFEST Stuttgart Although all the hype is about Oktoberfest, for a more authentic, less touristy experience, head to Volksfest in Stuttgart.

With more than three million visitors every year, the event is widely recognised as the second biggest beer-swilling fiesta in the world (after Munich’s Oktoberfest).

Compared to Oktoberfest, it’s more relaxed, but just because it’s smaller doesn’t mean there’s less of an atmosphere.

This annual party comes complete with oompah bands, seven beer tents, two wine tents and fairground rides including the world's largest mobile ferris wheel.

It’s no secret that Germans like to party. However, the origins of Volksfest stem from a more serious matter – the massive ››

Englischer Garten is a large public park in Munich. It’s a beautiful green oasis, perfect for a stroll – or some nude sunbathing – if that's your thing. Beware, though, you need to be inside one of the specific outlined nudist areas before you can legally shed your clothes, or you will be arrested. There’s also a permanent wave in the man-made river Eisbach which runs through the park, where surf enthusiasts can attempt to tame the ripple.

NEUSCHWANSTEIN CASTLE A two-hour drive south of Munich lies Neuschwanstein Castle, commissioned by King Ludvig II of Bavaria in 1868. A real-life fairytale castle set in the green and luscious Alpine foothills, it’s not hard to see how this enchanting place caught the imagination of Walt Disney. The cartoon whiz was so fascinated by this Bavarian palace that he designed his Sleeping Beauty castle after it.

DACHAU CONCENTRATION CAMP For a really sobering experience, the chilling remains of Dachau concentration camp lies 16km northwest of Munich. This was the first concentration camp to be built by Hilter's Nazi Party in 1933. More than 32,000 people were killed here during its 12 years in use.

Enchanting: Neuschwanstein Castle TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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eruption of Indonesian volcano Tambora in 1815.

The disaster led to climate changes and severe famine in Europe as farmers were unable to grow their crops.

When things finally returned to normal, King Wilhelm I of Württemberg and his wife Katharina decided to celebrate the harvest with an agricultural carnival in 1818.

The emblem of the Cannstatter Volksfest is a 26-metre-tall fruit column, which stands in the middle of the festival site, symbolising the festival's agricultural beginnings.

It weighs a whopping three tonnes and is decorated with another 600kg of fruits and plants. ❚[Caption] Inger Smith travelled to Oktoberfest with Busabout, which runs fourto- seven-day trips to the festival. All trips include guided excursions and the services of Busabout Festival Team. Busabout offers camping packages from £139pp and hostel options from £249pp. Packages including coach transport from London from £359pp busabout.com

Bottoms up: revellers get merry

SURVIVAL GUIDE OKTOBERFEST 1. Have a marker pen at the ready or you’ll soon lose track of how many steins you’ve had.

2. As tempting as they may be, beer wenches' mammaries are not to be touched – or a night in a cell awaits.

3. Food and beverages must be paid for in cash so have your euros handy.

4. Wear covered shoes – drunk people drop steins and there will be glass on the floor.

5. A smoking ban has been introduced at Oktoberfest so find the designated smoking area before lighting up or you could be evicted from the tent.

7. Don’t go into the infamous Pig Pen (the area beneath the giant angel) in the Hofbräu tent with underwear or other revellers will rip them off.

Photos: Getty; TNT

6. Tip your waitress to keep her happy. A stein costs about €9 (£8) so it’s fitting to hand over €10 (£9) per stein.

Lightweights: sleeping between steins

8. Arrive early to ensure you’ll get a seat.

9. There are cash machines on site but it’s likely there will be a mammoth queue so sort your dosh out beforehand.

NEXT WEEK

10. Write down the name and address of your hotel/hostel/camp site – or it’s likely you’ll forget.

11. Don’t take anything valuable – drunk people lose stuff.

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US Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon and more Drinking-up time

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DESPERATELYSEEKING barbecues at 23, trips to the corner shop for more beer and wine, and the walk to Finsbury Park. Hopefully we’ll see you again some day. If we don’t, let us just say ‘PANOS RULES!’. Love, the Cavendish Crew.

Jim Jam: Happy birthday Mister J. Hope you had a fantastic weekend in Berlin – I’m sure you showed the locals a thing or two about how to knock ‘em back in style. And I bet you caught the eye of the ladies too. Looking forward to catching up when I get back from Dublin. Love ya’. Beanz.

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES #437

#000 Join her mates at the Socialist Worker to demand Cameron’s resignation.

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To Cath, the girl who refused to buy me a drink at Fabric last weekend: You need to wake up to reality sweetheart.

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You can have it one way or the other. If I pay for everything then I expect a blow job at the end of the night. Simple as. Time to decide

DATING

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122 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

which you’ll open: your wallet or your legs. See you at the bar then?

Pete Splice.

Legendary Dave: I miss you so much even though I know you’re only away for six weeks. Hope the stand-up comedy gig goes down well in Lala land and that those Yanks laugh even if you’re not funny! Hell, I have more times than I care to remember.

Haha! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and don’t trust anyone with tits and a tan ;-) Love you forever, Kat.

Scotty and Georgina: Congratulations on the engagement. Move over Cake and Pills, this is the wedding of the year. It’s a shame you’re going back to New Zealand for the nuptials, but I guess there’s nothing like saying ‘I do’ and feeling the sand between your toes, then throwing a slap-up barbie for your mates for a reception. Throw the bangers on, we’ll start rowing now. B&T. Simone, you beef cake: I’m loving the progress you’re making on your weight-loss regime. I remember last time I put myself on a rigorous fat blitz, I set a timer

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to go off randomly throughout the day and when it went BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, I made myself do 100 sit ups. I had the best bikini body in China. You know, when your stomach is taut, your breasts raise on average 1.6cms, negating the need to wear a bra. That’s a money-saver if ever there was one.

Keep up the good work. Hot Jodes.

To the guy who split his jeans on the dancefloor at South Pole on Saturday, July 16: I was eyeing you up all night, then my thermo started racing when you pulled out those quirky Elvis-type moves. I’ve never seen an old man rock out so hard. But when your jeans split and I caught a peek at your jingle jangle, phwoar, I got moist ... on the brow. You dashed after the incident before I could flash ... my pearly whites. But it would be great to see you again.

Same time next week? Pip. Chunderbird: It was a great start to the evening: beers, dinner, more beers and the promise of lots of afters at my place. Didn’t expect the projectile vomiting to ruin the night though. It wasn’t the way I wanted you. I considered doing cheeky things to you while you were bent over that toilet. Is that sick? Let’s hook up again sometime soon and finish the job without the carrots! Sickdick.

The burlesque babe from Balham: You were intriguing last night. The slow sexy strip, the way you removed the stockings with your teeth. Your sheer prick-teasing ability was amazing. Hope to see you doing what you do best again next week, and maybe we can carry on the party back at mine. I do a good strip myself, stilettos and all.

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To the hot guy down the office corridor: You missed your chance! :) You’re supposed to declare your undying love for me over a Golden Virginia Yellow BEFORE I leave the building. Ewa. The boy on the bus: Tuesday night on the 207 you offered me your seat, I refused and sat in front of you. I smiled at you and you smiled back. I wanted to say hi but got a little shy! You were on your way home from the Queen Adelaide and so was I. You were wearing a Volcom cap and an O’Neill hoody and had the cutest smile. I was the one with the leopard-print umbrella and the red shirt. You got off one stop before me and I was sad to see you go!! Would love to meet for a drink sometime.

Red207@hotmail.co.uk Heffilicious don’t go: You come whirling into our lives like a whirlwind and you’ll hurricane out in a storm/ You’ve plucked, you’ve waxed, you’ve massaged/ You’ve always been in top Hef form!/ As quick as it’s all happened it is ending just as fast/ This bond, this love and friendship is something that will always last. We love you, Heffilicious. We have got memories to hold you dear and to cherish forever. Love from the “S” crew girls: Stacey, Sarah and Sarah.

The pleasure was all ours: We’ve spent a long time struggling up your steep slope with arms full of groceries, living in your crazy mice-infested houses and of course, the Bunker. The constant hum of your power transformer has serenaded us to sleep at night, while the foxes making not-sosweet love out back tried to keep us awake. We’re going to miss you:

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Cheapest vaccinations, no consultantion fee!

Swapping the concrete jungle for the real thing? 1st Contact Travel Clinic can take care of all your travel health needs – with free advice plus vaccinations, tablets and accessories. Low prices, online vaccination search, same day appointments & free consultation.

Our Services Include: > Guaranteed lowest prices for any travel vaccinations > A conveniently located clinic for London vaccinations, including flu vaccinations

> Free travel health advice > Free consultations and vaccination certificates (including yellow fever)

> Free travel health advice sheets > Qualified health professionals with over 20 years experience in travellers' health

> Free international certificates and booklet > Competitively priced travel accessories including sterile first aid kits, mosquito nets and water purifiers

0808 141 1636

clinicobc@1stcontact.com www.1stcontact.com/clinicobc

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1st Contact Travel Clinic is registered by the Care Quality Commission. Registration number: E010000632. 1st Contact Travel Clinic is a registered Yellow Fever Vaccination Centre by the National Travel Health Network and Centre.

Registration number: UKYFVC2800.