TNT Magazine / Issue 1457

August 1-7 2011 Issue 1457 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

MONARCH FLIGHTS TO SPAIN OR EGYPT

SHIT LONDON The book promoting urban decay at its finest

BEACH BUMS Would you dare to bare at Spain’s nudist resorts?

L O O TOO C

L O O H C S R O F d game n u o r g y la p e Th

g the cit y in p e e w s e z a s workout cr

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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FREEPHONE 0800 085 0355 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER We all love London, but there’s no denying some aspects are, as a humorous new book of images puts it, a bit shit. Turn to P22 to read what inspired the author to put it together. At the other end of the scale, there are elements of the city which need bringing down a peg or two – on P8 we document how high art is being given a street edge. And, would you dare to bare on a nudist beach? Turn to P70 to see if our travel editor did ...

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON

12

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

17

LONDONSOUND

18-19

LISTINGS CLUBS & GIGS

20-21

COMPETITION RUGBY TIX

25

CHATROOM SAM DUCKWORTH

27

LONDONSCENE

28-29

SPARE TIME

30

COMPETITION FLIGHT TIX

31

LIFESTYLE

33-43

SHOPPING

33 36-37

CAREERS

41

MONEY LIVING

42-43

NEWS & SPORT

44-55

TRAVEL

57-80

FEATURES HIGH ART MADE COOL

8

Let The Opera Festival open your mind to a whole new world of culture

SHIT LONDON The capital's neglected corners provide plenty of mirth

58

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

NEWS

59

Get fit at classes featuring some of your favourite activities from childhood

60-61

34

LATE DEALS

62

THE CHAV OF THE SPECIES 44

HOTSHOTS

65

Is the ‘C-word’ an insidious slur on Britain’s white working-class?

66-67

TOP FIVE TIPS

68

STUFF

69 74-75

48 HOURS IN... CARDIFF CLASSIFIEDS

110-121

DESPERATELY SEEKING

122

44

22

DIARY SHORTBREAK

Photos: Thinkstock; Shit London

34

THE NAKED TRUTH

70

Let it all hang loose on the nudist beaches of Sopelana Spain

WILD AT HEART

76

The possibilities are endless on a road trip along America’s south-west coast

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub-editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Travel Janine Kelso Entertainment Alison Grinter News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writers Clare Vooght Rebecca Kent

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Astrid Breacker Design and production executives Justine Mackay | Laura Doyle Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified sales manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison Eddie Clinton | Stuart Shirra Michael Darrington | Donovan Smith Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing & Events Manager Caroline Boyd Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Finance director Nick Crampton Accounts Margaret Roberts TNT PUBLISHING CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Publishing Ltd DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES AAP AP Alamy Getty Images NZPA PA Photos Photolibrary.com Pictures Colour Library Reuters Rex Features Robert Harding SAPA TNT Images TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

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Saddle up: tour London on a bike

Shhh... SECRET LONDON TALLY HO! CYCLE TOURS IN CENTRAL LONDON

Saddle up with a group of mates and pedal your way between London’s most famous sights. You can tweak your route to maximise your time ambling through the capital’s parks or make a beeline for the banks of the Thames. You can bring your own rusted-up BMX or, as is recommended, you can get about with a touch of class and hire a vintage Pashley. It’s a great way to take in the whole sensory sweep of central London – something you miss when you spend half your life on the Tube. £20

Until November 30 All tours depart from Lambeth North Tube station

tallyhocycletours.com/london

Lambeth North

GREAT BRITISH BEER FESTIVAL

50 YRS OF LONDON ARCHITECTURE

LE CIRQUE INVISIBLE

Britain’s biggest beer festival rolls into Earl’s Court – whether you fancy cider, foreign beers or the traditonal ales, there’s more than enough on offer to quench your thirst. And once you’ve drunk your fill, you can get involved in the pub games, go shopping for festival clothing or soak up the booze with some delicious nibbles.

Anyone who is fascinated by the way London has been shaped and reshaped during the past 50 years, constantly reinventing itself along the way, should check out this exhibition run by The Architecture Club. Photo surveys dating back to 1960 map the ever-shifting cityscape and its insistent outward sprawl.

Now over 40 years old, Le Cirque Invisible began as part of the ‘new circus’ movement that eschewed caged animals, instead emphasising illusions and off-beat acrobatics. The fact it’s still going strong is testament to the skill of the performers – it was, after all, co-founded by Victoria Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin’s daughter.

August 2-6 Earls Court Exhibition Centre Warwick Rd, SW5 9TA gbbf.camra.org.uk Earl’s Court

Until August 25 Ambika P3, Uni of Westminster, 35 Marylebone Rd, NW1 5LS architectureclub.co.uk Baker St

August 2-21 Queen Elizabeth Hall, South Bank, SE1 8XX southbankcentre. co.uk Waterloo

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Gather round: theatre at the Scoop

MORE LONDON FREE FESTIVAL: THEATRE at The Scoop

One of London’s most fun and easily accessible outdoor festivals goes up a notch when its theatre programme kicks off this week. Whether you’re into Berthold Brecht or the lighter fare of Around the World In 80 Days, you can just show up on the night, rent a cushion if you want to, and find your own spot in the 800-seater amphitheatre alongside the Thames.

If you find you like it, the film programme starts next month.

FREE

August 4-September 4 More London Riverside, between London Brg and Tower Brg, SE1 2DB morelondon.com/thescoop Waterloo

BULMERS CIDER GARDEN V1

FILMS ON FRIDGES

It’s all happening down by the Thames, where superstar DJ Rob Da Bank has curated a live music set that provides the perfect soundtrack for whiling away the English summer. There are also free samples of Bulmers cider on hand, and those never go astray either. Get down after work or make a long, lazy day of it at the weekend.

This innovative event involves hundreds of old fridges that have been recycled to build a screen in the shadows of the Olympic stadium. This week’s programme of sporty films includes Escape To Victory, Breaking Away and Cool Runnings. It’s almost enough to make you want to start training for next year’s Games. Well, almost.

August 3-14 Riverside Walkway, by Gabriel’s Wharf, SE1 9PP facebook.com/ bulmersuk Waterloo

Until August 13 The Yard, Forman’s Smokehouse Gallery, Stour Rd, Fish Island, E3 2NT filmsonfridges.com Hackney Wk

Photos: TNT

FREE

£10

LONDONNEWS

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TAKE A STROLL OVER THE TOP OF THE O2 A walkway over the top of London’s O2 complex has been given approval.

The temporary structure will be built above the venue in Greenwich in time for the 2012 Olympics and will provide access to an observation platform.

“The principle embodies our desire to create a daytime and evening experience that will appeal not only to existing visitors to the O2, but also attract further visitors from across London,” Alistair Wood of AEG Europe, which owns and operates the O2, said.

This is the most humble day of my life Johnny Marbles channels Rupert Murdoch while pleading guilty to smashing a foam pie in the media mogul’s face

OPEN INVITATION FOR BUDDING DESIGNERS Designers have five weeks to register their interest in creating a visitor centre and playground to be used after-hours at next year’s Olympic Games.

“With millions expected to visit the park each year, this is a unique opportunity for design teams to create exceptional places that match the stunning mix of iconic venues and parkland that surround them,” Olympic Park Legacy Committee chief executive Andrew Altman said.

ON THE TUBE

Packed in: the Olympics will increase pressure on the Tube

Transport plans not settled Traffic and Tube expected to be disrupted by London Olympics Despite the best efforts of London’s transport bosses to minimise the disruption caused by next year’s Olympics, the capital faces an uphill battle to ensure regular services run smoothly during the Games.

There will be dedicated lanes for athletes and VIPs, but that will have the counter-productive effect of increasing traffic in other parts of the city.

Transport for London (TfL) admitted the so-called Games Lanes will put greater demands on certain parts of the network during the Olympics.

Lanes will be created in The Highway, in east London, around Wembley Stadium in the north-west of the city, through central London and out to Greenwich and for the main Olympics site at Stratford.

Mark Evers, from TfL, said: “We recognise that the Games [Lanes] are going to create part of the transport networks that will be subject to greater traffic demands and we’ve put in place a variety of measures in order to try to manage that.

“At the moment we are sitting down with local authorities, businesses and residents in order to understand how we get the balance right.”

An extra three million public transport trips will be made next summer and bosses also warned that the Tube would be subject to long delays unless the number of commuters drastically reduces over the next 12 months. Forecasts by TfL show a 30 per cent drop in the number of commuters on the Tube is required to make space for visitors, or huge delays will occur.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON

London during the Blitz

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

DISTRICT AND CIRCLE: Upgrade works to improve service reliability are set to take place on one of the oldest sections.

It means the District and Circle lines will be suspended between High Street Kensington and Edgware Road until August 23. This weekend, works will be expanded to the entire Circle line, while, on the District line, Earl’s Court will also be closed

HAMMERSMITH AND CITY: No service between Baker Street and Hammersmith on Saturday or Sunday

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Photos: Getty

PICCADILLY: No service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Cockfosters on Saturday or Sunday

The third Story of London Festival runs from August 1-31 and this year celebrates the 60th anniversary of the Festival of Britain, which was held to show a progressive view of post-war Britain and showcase contemporary design and innovation.

Throughout August, London museums will be hosting displays and recreating some of the activities that took place in their boroughs in 1950. So explore your corner of London and enjoy the retro spin to it all. The festival also celebrates the capital’s heritage and culture, while promoting London as a city of transformation and new ideas.

The focal points in central London are the Museum of London and the Southbank Centre.

Wales v Australia

The Vauxhall International Friendly

For more information on tickets visit www.faw.org.uk or call Cardiff City Stadium Ticket Office on 0845 345 1400

Football’s back!

(What a lifesaver)

your voice • your game • your country

Alchemy: opera gets experimental

High art gets hip Lose the black ties and tiaras – the stuffy world of high art is undergoing a radical transformation WORDS REBECCA KENT AND CLARE VOOGHT Forget fusty concert halls and extended narcolepsy-inducing operas. High art is being stripped down and given a contemporary repackaging. The exciting development comes from an army of resourceful composers with a desire to present modern issues to audiences that once would have recoiled at the thought of seeing Shakespeare, an opera or listening to a booming tenor blow boneshaking vocal wind for hours on end.

Conventions are being re-aligned.

Tête a Tête is a driving force behind the experimental movement.

Throughout August it presents 'new' opera at The Opera Festival.

The compositions reflect the height of composers' imaginations, including singing fetuses in A Fetus In America, and opera performed through a series of short films exploring homelessness in Fables: A Film Opera.

The Moonflower calls upon theatre, circus and video art, and celebrated composer Richard Thomas, the genius behind Jerry Springer The Opera, is guaranteed to appall with his Wrong Songs For Summer. "Don’t come if 8

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you love opera for its chandeliers and tiaras," begs Tête a Tête's artistic director, Bill Bankes-Jones. "This is gritty, hardcore, artists-at-work creativity where sparks will fly."

It's not only the content that will appeal to novice opera-goers. In The Opera Festival, each composition is short and there are five shows staggered throughout each evening so audiences don't get bored.

Maverick composer Ergo Phizmiz has put together one of the most intriguing of them all with Staticopera, a silent opera conveyed through pictures on the gallery walls.

"I try to think of opera as something in the timeless sense of the form, but removed from its cultural shackles," he says. "There is an awful lot of snobbery around opera, but I have never understood why. To me, it's almost more like a cartoonised version of reality and that's not meant to be disparaging. Cartoons are quite a high expression of what people can do."

The alchemists behind many of the operas have chosen to explore issues in the headlines: war, climate change,

poverty and government cuts. They are designed to jolt us out of our complacency, explains Bankes-Jones.

"As a baby boomer, I've been seeing starving children in Africa on TV since I was born. Now we are seeing the same images again, but not being moved enough. Unless something is packaged in a fresh way it becomes difficult to take in," he says.

Mara Carlyle has an innovative approach to singing. The 'Missy Elliott of the classical world' performs in Opera North's Life Cycle, an arrangement of 20 songs that are a hybrid of classical and pop and trace the story of new motherhood.

She says: "It's brilliant that opera is being turned on its head. I've personally never seen the barrier between musical styles, but the evolution we are experiencing certainly opens doors for performers and recognises that all styles of music are a part of the same core experience." ›› HIGH ART MADE COOL The Opera Festival Riverside Studios, Crisp Rd, W6 9RL. £6. Aug 4-21 tete-a-tete.org.uk Hammersmith

Moonflower: a heady fusion of styles

Ergo Phizmiz: he likes his opera silent

Fables: opera makes the big screen TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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London Victoria to Gatwick Airport, 30 minutes average journey time (35 minutes on Sundays). Visit gatwickexpress.com for Group terms and conditions.

BALLET FITNESS

CAR PARK ART

Get a workout and make your limbs longer, leaner and stronger at Gymbox's sessions that incorporate ballet barre exercises. No classical dance experience needed.

Adding a little bit of grit to art, the people behind Bold Tendencies have plonked work by international sculptists on the top floor of a disused multi-storey car park in Peckham. They've also added a modern element by creating the Artfinder app, which lets visitors access guides to each sculpture and share them on social networking sites via smartphones.

COVENT GARDEN

PECKHAM FREE

£20

6pm on Wednesdays Covent Garden, WC2N 4EJ gymbox.co.uk Covent Garden

LA LA LA HUMAN STEPS ANGEL

Combining two great tragic operas, Purcell's Dido and Aeneas and Gluck's Orpheus and Eurydice, contemporary Montreal-based dance group La La La Human Steps hit Sadlers Wells to bring viewers a reinvented and refreshed interpretation using modern ballet choreography that sees the body move in totally new ways. £10

11am – 11pm until Sept 30 Peckham Multistory Car Park, 95A Rye Lane, SE15 4ST boldtendencies.com Peckham Rye

Sept 28–Oct 1 Sadler's Wells, Rosebery Avenue, EC1R 4TN sadlerswells.com Angel

GAGGLE

KENSINGTON

STATELY HOME MOVIE SCREENINGS CHISWICK

THE GOD OF SOHO LONDON BRIDGE

On this tour you can have a pint in the same pubs that Shakespeare and Dickens frequented.

Receiving a lot of attention for bringing popular culture and celebrity into a classic theatre venue, playwright and novelist, Chris Hannan's The God Of Soho is now showing at The Globe.

Inspired by the lives of glamour model Katie Price and the late Jade Goody of reality TV fame, the play follows a celebrity couple who are hounded by the tabloid press. It's set between Soho and Essex and makes a real tale of morality for the modern world. Expect drugs, handbags, tabloid exposure, attention seeking and plenty of filth and foul language.

Wonder what Shakespeare would have made of it...

Held at Shoreditch's Beer Music Hall, this book club attracts a younger crowd to discuss influential novels over tea. Its only rule is that books must be of high literary quality, with the philosophy that there are so many books, why read the bad ones.

Most evenings through the year Various Locations bestvaluetours.co.uk/pubsfreehouses-london-tour.htm

Until Sept 30 21 New Globe Walk, SE1 9DT shakespearesglobe.com London Bridge

Monthly 134 Curtain Road, EC2A 3AR meetup.com/The-East-LondonSocial-Books-Club Old Street

£15

What do you get when you mix a choir with the 21st century and a hell of a lot of attitude? Meet the 22-strong all-girl modern indie choir who sing about drinking and love rats over dubstep-infused electronic beats. They won Best New Band at the Camden Crawl Emerging Talent Awards this year and have received plenty of attention from national radio DJs. Gaggle will release a debut album in January next year and this September they'll be performing their brash reworking of 1969 libretto, The Brilliant And The Dark, giving a women's history from the Middle Ages to the Second World War. 8pm Sept 28 Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP royalalberthall.com South Kensington

10

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Admire the beautiful neoPalladian architecture of Chiswick House before an alfresco screening of Grease or Bridget Jones' Diary. £12.50

7.30pm, Sept 7 & 8 Chiswick House, W4 2RP chgt.org.uk Chiswick Park Chiswick

CULTURAL PUB TOURS CENTRAL LONDON £25

THE EAST LONDON SOCIAL BOOK CLUB SHOREDITCH FREE

BOOK SLAM

DISTURBIA

London's first literary nightclub, Book Slam, has hosted the likes of Adele, Nick Hornby and Kate Nash. August 16 is a fiction special, featuring novelists Hari Kunzru, Nick Mulvey and Nial O'Sullivan.

Expect food, books, drinks and big beats. For more events visit their website.

This Halloween, Radiohead's Jonny Greenwood will be performing his own 21stcentury contemporary electronica take on Kryzsztov Penderecki's Polymorphia, followed by Patrick Nunn's orchestration of Aphex Twin's Nannou.

The BBC Concert Orchestra will then be performing a psycho-dramatic and avantgarde extravaganza based on Poulenc's classic opera La Voix Humaine, setting the perfect scary mood.

NOTTING HILL

THE SOUTHBANK

£6

From 6pm on August 16 12 Acklam Road, W10 5QZ bookslam.com Westbourne Park

£12

LATE AT THE TATE BRITAIN MILBANK

Take in some fine British art with a drink in your hand and enjoy performances, music, talks and films in the surroundings of the Tate Britain at their monthly latenight openings. This Friday (August 5), guests can see exhibitions on watercolour works and Vorticism – a radical pre-First World War London art movement. And you won't be battling with school groups to catch a glimpse.

FREE

Oct 31 Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk Waterloo

Until 10pm on the first Friday of every month Tate Britain, Milbank, SW1P 4RG tate.org.uk Pimlico

STREETWISE OPERA HAMMERSMITH

Giving the homeless opportunities through music, Streetwise Opera are performing their short film operas, Fables, at this year's Tête à Tête. £6

VIDEO GAME HEROES

THE SOUTHBANK Connoisseurs at making modern music into classical, The London Philharmonic Orchestra will be at the Southbank Centre this September playing the soundtrack to video game favourites from the likes of Sonic The Hedgehog, Super Mario, Little Big Planet and iPhone craze Angry Birds.

Conducted by Andrew Skeet, the show provides a unique way to get nostalgic about video games from childhood and today.

4 & 5 August Riverside Studios, W6 9RL streetwiseopera.org Hammersmith

7.30pm on Sept 2 Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk Waterloo

March 25-April 7, 2012 Roseberry Avenue, EC1R 4TN sadlerswells.com Angel

Photos: TNT; BBC Concert Orchestra far right © Chris Christodoulou

£16

POP BALLET ANGEL

The Most Incredible Thing – the Pet Shop Boys' foray into composing for ballet – was so popular they're returning to Sadler's Wells for another run next year. Tickets on sale now. £10

NONCLASSICAL ACROSS LONDON

Over the last few years, classical club nights have been a growing trend in the city, especially in the East End, fuelled by young performers and composers, hungry to break the mould of the traditional concert hall. Nonclassical is a club night, a record label and, according to Rough Trade records, a new genre of music. It brings a touch of rock 'n' roll to it – bands play through the pub's PA, pint in hand, and music is DJ'ed throughout. The Nonclassical label has also enjoyed remixes from artists including Thom Yorke, Hot Chip and Simon Tong (Gorillaz, The Good, The Bad and The Queen). Cuttingedge classical music may be the next big thing.

Regular nights in London Various locations nonclassical.co.uk

OPEN AIR THEATRE

REGENT'S PARK Bringing theatre to a more laidback setting, Regent's Park open air venue allows you to enjoy plays alfresco.

Gershwin's Crazy For You will be running for the rest of the summer. What other theatres would allow, let alone encourage, you to bring a picnic with you? £20.50

Until September 10 Regent's Park Inner Circle openairtheatre.org Baker Street

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MYLONDON

ASHLEY HAMES TV PRESENTER & AUTHOR London’s best-kept secret is the vibrancy of the Brazilian, Spanish and Italian communities, which don’t get the recognition they deserve. For comedy, Paul Foot should be a bona fide star by now, and, in music, Krakatoa, who can be found playing dingy London pubs, are ready to play Wembley.

When I want to chill out I’ll wander down to Battersea Park or Clapham Common. Not for cruising, mind, just an innocent stroll.

What baffles me about London is why people with umbrellas fail to understand how selfish they are to use such a ridiculous item on crowded pavements. And why do so many bars now have doormen? I don’t want to be looked up and down and have a stranger sifting through my pockets – I’m not boarding a friggin’ plane here guys, I’m just going to the bar for a drink, FFS! The most interesting person I’ve met in London is my mate Sukhi. If I get drunk, I want to be with him. He’s a catalyst for action, controversy and excitement; with him, something interesting is always just around the corner.

My favourite place for a drink in London is The Coach and Horses off Old Compton Street. It’s very old school, in the heart of Soho, full of characters and a piano. If I’m out of Soho then I plump for The Griffin in Old Street or sink a few at The Falcon and The Duke of Edinburgh in Clapham North.

When you’re hungover in London, you can’t beat a fry-up at the Little Kitchen in Clapham North.

What gets me up in the morning? My dog licking my face.

My perfect weekend would start with a lie-in, then I’d take the dog for a stroll around Battersea Park and treat the missus to a pub lunch. I’d have tickets to watch Tottenham Hotspur v Man United, and then listen to David Devant & His Spirit Wife prepare for their triumphant gig at the 100 Club that night where they would be supported by Brett Anderson and where all my mates would buy me drinks. On Sunday I’d awake with no hangover.

The last naughty thing I did was be sick on a Soho street a few weeks ago after an afternoon drinking session.

ashleyhames.tv 12

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Photos: TNT

Five words that sum up London... Frustrating, brilliant, drab, inspirational, big.

& DJ...

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THE SHOP NW10 BAR THE SCENE Capping Kensal Rise’s meteoric rise from rough around the edges to actually quite trendy, The Shop is a new arrival on the north-west drinking scene, combining the laidback vibe of your corner store with the upscale commitment to quality that might otherwise lure you further afield.

THE GRUB Still a work in progress but the British tapas is a great start, with a full menu to come. Like the rest of the place, it promises to deliver on the staples while adding its own twist.

BEHIND THE BAR The owners clearly enjoy a drop, such is the loving attention they’ve paid to assembling a top-notch drinks list. You can build your own Bloody Mary – an idea so brilliant it’s a wonder no one else has done it before – or work your way through the custom-made cocktails served innovatively in recycled jams jars.

It’s that kind of joint. Kitsch with class.

BILL PLEASE It depends how much you drink, but cocktails start at ÂŁ3.50 and beers are all reasonably priced. So settle in to take advantage of central London style served at local watering hole prices.

VERDICT Once you’re fed and watered, take a moment to appreciate the supersmooth furnishings, which, in case you’re wondering, are all for sale. The tunes are also fantastically eclectic, suggesting the regular music nights are worth a look. An overdue addition to one of London’s up-and-coming corners. TOM STURROCK

75 Chamberlayne Rd, NW10 3ND

3 OF THE BEST

THE HENRY ROOT

TINY ROBOT

TWO FLOORS

This place adds a touch of class to a part of West Brompton that can be a bit scruffy, fusing quirky, vintage decor with some seriously good food and an impressive drinks menu.

Pull up a stool and let the knowledgeable bar staff talk you through their expansive list of cocktails. Also some great little-known whiskys on offer, as well as hearty food to soak up the booze.

This Soho drinking den has its main entrance on Kingly St but spills out back on to a laneway. Inconspicuously cool with standard cocktails done perfectly and a few of its own thrown in.

thehenryroot.com

tnyrbt.com

twofloors.com

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ith Served awnd chips yle Spur-st r a gs o onion ripnotato or baked salad. side

Offer not valid with any other promotion or special.

Bring in voucher to receive this special. Terms and conditions apply. Valid until 31 August 2011. The least expensive combo meal is free.

&KH\HQQH 6SXU 02 Dome, North Greenwich. Tel: 020 8858 0196 0RKDZN 6SXU Southside Shopping Centre, Wandsworth. Tel: 0208 874 0831 14

The Shop: kitsch with class

Kensal Green

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BITE SIZE

Rigid design: Watatsumi

FIRST ABSINTHE BAR For a boozing experience that’s more mind-altering than usual, head to Brompton Bar And Grill, which has opened London’s first absinthe bar.

Referred to as ‘Green Fairy’, the drink was the liquid inspiration for 19th-century geniuses including Oscar Wilde and Vincent van Gogh. It is mixed into an array of heady cocktails at the Knightsbridge establishment, and also served in its traditional form, with ice. bromptonbarandgrill.com

MAKE FOOD WITH LOVE With so much emphasis on ‘fast food’ a new iPhone app seeks to remind us of the art of cooking. The Great British Chefs download comes from the brand of the same name that champions Michelin-starred cooks, whose food is distinct and meticulously crafted.

The £4.99 app puts 180 recipes in the palm of your hand, from stuffed tulip to bubblegum panna cotta, as well as carefully designed menus to follow. greatbritishchefs.com

Photos: TNT

GRAPHIC TASTE Ever wondered what taste looks like? Us neither. But if intrigue gets the better of you, head to Freggo where you can sample ice-cream and translate the taste into a work-of-art.

The Piccadilly venue has teamed with the British Society of Flavourists to define the six core elements of icecream flavour, which are captured on a programme using iPad technology to create a visual representation. The result is a unique ‘fluid’ piece of art. freggo.co.uk

WATATSUMI JAPANESE THE SCENE Rigid in its design, this hotel-restaurant plays it safe with stark dark wooden tables and beige chairs. There are a few nods to its Japanese theme, as well as a school-of-fish lightshade indicating that it’s predominately sushi served here. Bowing more to authenticity would make this place cosier, as it’s not the type of venue you would spend all night in, chatting with friends. The staff are friendly and attentive, although we do have to wait a while in between courses.

THE GRUB There’s an impressive mix of expected dishes – such as sea-salt edamame – and unique takes, including soft shell crab in shichimi-scented flour served with orange-ponzu. And there’s a wide range of nigiri and sashimi (raw meats and fish), including tobiko (flying fish roe), tako (octopus), hokigai (surf clams), suzuki (sea bass) and chutoro (tuna). My friend’s salmon and yellow fin tuna sashimi are faultless, as is her main of roasted black cod. My mushroom, avocado and cucumber roles are the freshest I’ve ever tasted, while the cabbage and shitake stuffed gyozas are cooked perfectly, but lack real impact. Possibly not the best eatery for a veggie; I put my main dish selection in the hands of the chef, but I’m disappointed by the unadventurous sauteed seasonal vegetables on a bed of rice. It’s tasty, but not very exciting. Our desserts – chocolate fondant with green tea ice-cream and cheesecake with raspberry sorbet are divine. CAROL DRIVER

Beer drinkers can choose from bottles of Asahi or Kirin (£3.60). The focus is more on cocktails, with three pages boasting gin, champagne and vodkabased drinks (£8). There’s also a decent selection of wines (from £18) and sake.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £3.70; sushi from £2 per piece; mains from £9.50; desserts from £4.50.

VERDICT Sushi buffs will be in heaven in this first-class fish restaurant. The quality of the food and keen staff more than makes up for its lack of atmosphere.

BEHIND THE BAR

7 Northumberland Avenue, WC2N 5BY

watatsumi.co.uk

Embankment

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Priceless: fun with the lads

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Rupert Murdoch has said he is touched by some of the messages people have left on Amy winehouse’s phone..

Joe why do teens insist on playing music so loud on the tube? turn it down!

Anon Ha ha! Just found out the NZ badminton team is known as the ‘Black cocks”. Bet that’s a bit hard for kiwis to swallow

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I’d like to express my super-strong feelings about ‘just having fun with the lads’. Beers at the pub, footy in the park or just seeing who’s the first to hit something with a rock – these are some of the fun you can only have with the lads. I’ve had amazing experiences right across Europe but while these adventures represent an amazing period in my life, I will continue to just have fun with the lads ’til the day I die.

Liam Flanagan, via email

Met a guy at the weekend. he still hasn’t called ... should i call him?

Grant on the tube and this guy looks @ me the whole journey, smiling. Gets up and asks my friend 4 her! numba. Gutted!!!

Becca who would win in a fight – superman or captain america?

Now that Amy Winehouse is gone, the loss to London and the UK is enormous.

In her 27 years she made a huge musical impact, with her voice, with her personality, and with her persona. Camden won’t be the same again.

Tim Barros, London

UTTER PANTS!

Mags just picked up the newlook mag. it’s awesome! loving the new london bits. keep up the good work. can’t wait 4 next 1.

Lyn Hottttttt sluttttt! keep on partying you hottt slutttttt!!!!!

Jessie why does my oyster card keep overcharging me? is the extra cash needed for the olympics? give me a refund you thieves!

Claire

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I absolutely detest the fashion of young lads with their trousers hanging off their backsides and halfway down their legs. Really!! It must be so uncomfortable with your crotch between your knees. I must be a grumpy old woman as I would love to creep up and hoist them back up!

Sue Harrison, Norfolk

MIND THE GAP Every morning I get stuck behind Old Lady #1, then get stuck under Old Man’s Armpit #2, then Old Lady #2 wants my blimmin seat, then Old Man #2 has the

flu and sneezes on me.

Then snot-picker enters and decides to dig a deep one and wipe it on the pole I’m holding, while Mother And Baby take up all the standing space.

Then Fat Man #1 farts and leaves a stench worse than Grandma’s “unfortunate incident in public” and to top it all off, I now have to look out for “unattended items” and report them?

What a joke.

Armpit Face, London

Liam wins a three-day tour of Ireland from Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @Hotters: all big cats planning long journeys sld invest in a nifty mobility scooters- as Madge from Benidorm says, ‘Why walk?’ @Pexxy: I work in a hotel the majority of our rooms are already pre-sold for #olympics @SallyBruce: Picked up my new look TNT mag today Love it. Did you grab yours??

NOT A BREEDER I go swimming every week at my local pool and have so far not encountered any child who can a) converse without screaming at the top of their voice or b) get in the water without divebombing. I think not having children is definitely the way forward Jenny Green, Essex

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Clint Heine: Morrissey is what happens to your brain when meat and animal products are not eaten. He is a raving loony as a result!

Donovan Smith: I dream of a better world, one where chickens and mountain lions can cross the road without having their motives questioned...

Adam Nortman: Desperately seeking a decent summer. If found call England asap

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CLUB DE FROMAGE O2 Academy Islington Saturday, July 23 Photos: Nicola Bellinfantie/TNT

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Having a Field Day: Wild Beasts

ALISON GRINTER ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

FIELD DAY VICTORIA PARK, HACKNEY, E3 SAT, AUG 6 | DOORS 11.30AM | £39.50

Jimi Hendrix’s friends said they knew he was in trouble when he stopped carrying around his guitar. I think we all knew Amy Winehouse was in trouble when she began to resemble a praying mantis. She started out in 2003 with a healthy shape, but, with fame, she began to waste away in front of our eyes on a diet of drugs and alcohol.

Towards the end it was easier to laugh at her shambolic car-crash performances than address the fact she really was ill.

People will mythologise her death at 27: she joins Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain – all dead at the same age from various forms of selfdestruction. Cobain’s mother put it best: “Now he’s gone and joined that stupid club.” Winehouse, too, has joined that stupid club. And that is heartbreakingly sad. Email me your views alison.grinter@tntmagazine.com

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If you like your music on the right side of indie, you’ll be like a fat kid in the new M&M World at this festival. Now in its fifth year, Field Day, based in trendierthan-thou Hackney, has established a formidable reputation for bringing together some of the world’s most innovative artists of the minute. This year’s line-up certainly doesn’t let the side down.

Los Angeles all-girl art-rock outfit Warpaint – dubbed “the rock revelation of the year” when they made their presence felt for the first time in 2010 – are on the bill alongside electronic game-changers Wild Beasts, still licking their wounds after their scandalous omission from the Mercury Prize shortlist.

New York folk troubadour Willy Mason, currently working on his first album since 2007’s If The Ocean Gets Rough, returns to these shores for the first time in years, while English singer-songwriter Anna Calvi can be expected to entrance all with her sultry voice and dark moodscapes. There’s also The Horrors, Jamie Woon, Cloud Control, Electrelane, Zola Jesus, SBTRKT: the list of bleeding-edge acts just goes on and on.

Those who don’t want the party to end have two choices. Head to the Field Day After Party (‘til 3am) at nearby XOYO with Benga, Youngman, Roska, L-Vis 1990, Benedict Bull, Dollop DJs, or there’s the Field Day After Party With Four Tet DJ Set (‘til 5.30am), with James Holden, Pearson Sound and Casper C at a secret Shoreditch location to be revealed – seetickets.com for both events. fielddayfestivals.com

Bethnal Green

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NEW BAND

MORRISSEY GIG SUN, AUG 7. 7PM. £37.50

He’s always moaning about something – how he can’t get a record deal, the internet or his Glastonbury gig (it rained in his mouth). Sure, his miserabilism has been fuel for some of his best music, but after having fans’ bags searched to make sure they were not smuggling sausages into a recent gig, we think he should lighten up.

Photos: Getty; TNT

Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL o2academybrixton.co.uk Brixton

ELI PAPERBOY REED

FUNK FARM

GIG

CLUB

MON, AUG 1. 7PM. £12.50

SAT, AUG 6. 11PM-6AM. £15

It was in his adopted home of Mississippi, Reed (born Eli Husock) got his nickname, ‘Paperboy’, thanks to the newsboy-styled hat he used to wear, and it’s also where he derived his main musical inspiration. No surprise then, that his 2010 breakthrough album, Come And Get It. channels 1960s Stax records and Motown.

There aren’t many good reasons to visit Elephant & Castle, but this is one. Funkagenda’s label party, Funk Farm, returns to Ministry. And helping the globe-trotting DJ/ producer bring the funk will be Aussie dance-meisters Sneaky Sound System as well as Anil Chawla and Dutch DJ/ producer extraordinaire Sander Kleinenberg.

Islington Academy N1 Centre, 16 Parkfield St, N1 0PS wo2academyislington.co.uk Angel

Ministry of Sound 103 Gaunt Street, SE1 6DP ministryofsound.com Elephant & Castle

PLUSH DA FUNK

JAZZVERSE JUKEBOX

IRON MAIDEN

CLUB

GIG

GIG

SAT, AUG 6. 11PM-6AM. £15 adv

SUN, AUG 7. 6PM/10PM. From £10

AUG 5-6. 6.30PM. £37.50+

The Viva Las Vegas night promises seduction, glitz, glamour and excitement within the recreation of Sin City itself. Expect roulette tables, showgirls and the choicest house music as Paul Bertoni, Sam Dowling and the Alternative Boys storm the main room. The dress code is “glamorous and dazzling”, so be sure to frock up.

Weekly Ronnie Scott’s resident Jumoke Fashola and her Jazz Verse Jukebox trio move into the main club for a “jazz poetry party”. Spoken word comes courtesy of Charlie Dark, Carrie Grant, Mr Gee and Zena Edwards among others, while leading saxophonist/ rapper Soweto Kinch will make a special guest appearance.

When you have a fanbase as devoted and as fanatical as Iron Maiden’s, you can pretty much do what you please. Which is why in recent years the heavy metal marauders have insisted on playing tunes from their last three albums, unless you count the odd token Hallowed Be Thy Name as an encore. Expect more of the same.

Pacha Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR pachalondon.com Victoria

Ronnie Scotts 47 Frith St, W1D 4HT ronniescotts.co.uk Leicester Square

The O2 Peninsular Sq, SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

SWEET SWEET LIES THE BUZZ SO FAR Inspired by the likes of The Magnetic Fields, Gogol Bordello and Leonard Cohen, this Brighton sextet were branded ‘ones to watch’ and lassoed on to the bills of many summer festivals where they wasted no time in beguiling audiences with their irresistible blend of catchy melodies and hypnotic intensity. Now the band is ready to unleash their enchanting, folksy anthems on the rest of us.

THE CRITICS SAY “Six suave devils whose songs channel the delicious wit of Ray Davies and the dark drama of Nick Cave.” Independent on Sunday.

THE PLUG Debut single Capital Of Iceland out Aug 1.

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CLUBLISTINGS MONDAY 1 Happy Monday Chill-out anthems courtesy of the residents. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

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Gravity House, R‘n’B and commercial pop across three rooms, from residents The Oli and Alan K. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-8am. £10, w/flyer £6 before 3am, guestlist £3 before 3am, £1 before midnight.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375).

8pm-midnight. £10, £7.50 skate hire.

Monday Midnight Mass Nicos and Shane spin indie and rock. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). 11pm-3am. £3.

Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

10pm-3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm.

SOUTH WEST FOUR WEEKENDER Clapham Common, August 27-28, from £50 There’s still a few tickets left for this rocking dance festival on the August Bank Holiday weekend so get in quick! Underworld and Pendulum headline.

TUESDAY 2 Bootcamp Rob C and Scewpulous play techno and house. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903).

9pm-2am. £3, mems £2 before 10pm.

Candy Boys DJ Sandra D and Joe Grohl play pop, house and electro.

The Candy Bar, Carlisle St, W1D 3BJ (020 7494 4041). 7pm-2am. Free.

Movimientos Cal Jader, Do Amor and 7Suns play Latin, house and funk. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 6pm-2am. £5.

Panic! Max, Gaz and That Perfect Fumble play indie, electro and post-punk. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer/NUS £3.

Stupid Tuesday Funky and soulful house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

9pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Marcus and Olly play indie, punk, techno and electro. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4.

WEDNESDAY 3 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

9pm-3am. £6, NUS £5, w/flyer £4.

SW4 9DE

southwestfour.com

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Diffrent Strokes Manny Norte, Phatcatz, Maintain, CJ I DJ, Lonyo and MOBO Award winner and Kiss FM DJ Manny Norte play neo soul, 1980s pop, US house, funk and R‘n’B. Cherryjam, Porchester Rd, W2 6ET (020 7727 9950). 9pm-2am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Filthy Habits Student Night DJs play chart hits from the 1980s, 1990s and now. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

8.30pm-3am. £5, NUS £3.

Guanabara Samba School Samba, Afrobeat, pop, house and nu disco, plus Capoeira masterclasses, break dancers, Brazilian street food and cocktail making.

Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

5pm-late. £5, free before 9pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842).

11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Push It Good DJ TBX spins old skool hip-hop, funk, soul and dancehall. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639). 10pm-3am. £3.

Clapham Common

FRIDAY 5 Big Business R‘n’B, soul and funk from Big Business and Capricorn Sound. The Blagclub, Kensal Town, Kensal Rd, W10 5BN (020 7243 0123).

10pm-3am. £10, gents guestlist £8 before midnight, ladies £5.

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SATURDAY 6 Electric Minds 6th Birthday Move D, Dolan Bergin and Mark Pavitt spin deep house and tech-house.

Secret Location, EC1 (07958 614 297).

10pm-6am. £15, adv £10.

Fabric Terry Francis, DJ Sneak, Jay Haze, Scuba, Appleblim, Ben UFO, Addison Groove and Geddes, Simon Baker play electro, house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm8am. £19, adv £18, adv £23 inc CD, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, £6 after 5am.

Key Of Life Michel Cleis, Lady Duracell, Mets, Special K, Craig H, Felix Baumgartner, Chloe Fontaine, Rob Maynard, Sam Morrow, Techno Notice, Philgood & Ram, Huck Finn, Marc Dicks and Mervyn Victor supply house, techno, tech-house and deep house. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-10am. £15, adv £13, NUS £8 before midnight.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

Calentito Pop, R‘n’B, and soul. Salvador And Amanda, Great Newport St, WC2H 7JA (020 7240 1551). 9pm-3am. £10, guestlist £5, free before 9pm..

Plush Dafunk Paul Bertoni, Sam Dowling, Alternative Boys, Dirty Disciples and Ashley Turrell play funk and house. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-6am. £20, adv £15.

XXL Mid Week House and pop courtesy of resident DJs Joe Egg and Alex Logan. Arcadia, Southwark St, SE1 1RU (020 7403 9643).

10pm-3am. £3, mems free.

Euphoria Angel Kiss, Oliver MARSH, Intro, Marc Phill, MEF and DJ AD play electro, house, techno, pop, dance and R‘n’B. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (0208 993 2915).

9pm-late. £10, ladies free before 11pm.

Rebecca’s Boys Bash Resident DJs play electro, funk, house and disco. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

THURSDAY 4 Boom Ian Charles and Spida spin pop, R‘n’B, commercial dance, house, dubstep and UK funky.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3.

C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-6am. £15, concs £10.

Djembe Entertainment Presents Hip-hop and grime from DJ 279, Rewd Adams, Triple Darkness and Capital R, with American group Onyx. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

7pm-midnight. £17.50.

Favela Blockparty DJ Six 3 plays Brazilian funk, Latin, house, R‘n’B and hip-hop, plus Guanabara Allstars perform live. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

8pm-late. £10, free before 9pm.

Infectious Grooves Mattman, Danny Oatz, James O’Callaghan and Lizzie Curious Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

SUNDAY 7 Gangbusters Swingdance Club DJs spin 1920s to 1950s swing and dance music. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371).

7.30pm-2am. £8, concs £5.

House Rules Debut Resident DJs play house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Phenomenal Fridays Stevie C plays commercial chart, party anthems and pop on the ground floor, while Rob Clarke provide funky house in the basement. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188). 4pm3.30am. £10, guestlist before 11pm.

Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-9am. £12, £10 before midnight, w/flyer £6 before midnight.

Sanctified Beats Juan Atkins, Timo Garcia and DJ Pierre play house and techno. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9.30pm3.30am. £12, £10 before midnight.

WetYourSelf Luca Bachetti, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel provide house, techno and electro. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.

Photo: TNT

20

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MONDAY 1

Solstice, Slough Feg Doom metal from the five-piece.

Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777 £11.

BOOK NOW!

The Bouncing Souls Punk by the New York-based band.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

FRIDAY 5 Adam Ant & The Good, The Mad And The Lovely Posse The eccentric singer-songwriter performs his punk-infused pop hits with his band.

Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £30.

The Creepshow Punkabilly by the Toronto-based band.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Fribo Indie-folk by the Edinburgh-based band. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £12.

Lethal Bizzle, Ghetts, Lady Leshur, Political Peak, Lovelle Hip-hop and grime from the former More Fire Crew member.

Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £8.

Gwilym Simcock, Anita Wardell, Nia Lynn The Australian singer joins the Bangor-born pianist and composer as they perform bop and mainstream jazz. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.

TUESDAY 2 Athlete, Foy Vance Electrotinged indie-pop from the London-based band. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £23.50..

Jeffrey Lewis & The Junkyard, Esperi Indie-folk by the singer-songwriter from New York and colleagues. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £11, adv £10.

Me The Australian four-piece plays rock with elements of psychedelia.

Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £6.

Arthur Rigby And The Baskervylles The Leeds-based collective plays alt pop and folk. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £5.

Solaris, Archimedes, Lost In The Riots, NGOD The London-based three-piece plays experimental rock. The Good Ship, Kilburn High Rd, NW6 7JR (07949 008253). £5.

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS The 02, Nov 7, 9-10. From £49.50 The Chilis are back, with new guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, to perform tracks from their new album, I’m With You – out this week.

SE10 0DX

the02.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 3 Atomizer, Mikkokoo Electropop and dance by the Londonbased outfit. Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Kennington Ln, SE11 5HY (020 7820 1222). £7.

Crowns, Gunning For Tamar, Dale Grundle Indie-folk band from Cornwall. The Bowery, New Oxford St, WC1A 1EP (020 7580 3057/cc 0844 477 1000). £7, adv £5, w/flyer £6.

Cubic Zirconia House and electronica from the New York-based three-piece.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £8.

Dead Prez, Chima Anya, Bobafatt, Mo Fingaz Politicallyinfused hip-hop from the New York-based two-piece.

Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £16.50.

Foreign Slippers Indie-folk by the Norrkoping-born singer-songwriter. The Enterprise, Haverstock Hill, NW3 2BL (020 7485 2659). £5.

Kenetics, Shields, Jukebox Invention, Eliza Jaye And The Tarts The Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire-based four-piece plays indie and post-rock. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 8826 5000). £6, adv/w/flyer £5.

North Greenwich

THURSDAY 4 Dan Leno, World Service The London-based outfit plays psychedelic and folk-tinted alt pop. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). £6, adv £5.

Fjokra, Madskull, Patchwork Grace, Taikes Electronica and lo-fi pop-rock by the London-based band. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50.

Alice Gold Commercial pop by the London-based singer-songwriter.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10.

Mahala Rai Banda, Trans-Siberian Maring Band The Romanian collective plays Gypsy folk.

Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £15, adv £12.

The Music, The Whip The fourpiece plays its beat-driven indierock tunes on this final tour.

O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £20.

Red Hooks Alt and grungerock by the London-based band. Fiddler’s Elbow, Malden Rd, NW5 3HS (020 7485 3269). £5.

Smokin Barrels Thrash metal by the London-based band.

Bridgehouse 2, Bidder St, E16 4ST (020 7474 3200). £5.

Goodman Ray, Grand Central Alt rock with a psychedelic twist by the London-based band.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £7, concs £5.

Iron Maiden The heavy metal stalwarts play their hits and promote their 15th studio album, The Final Frontier. O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £37.50-£42.50.

Karma To Burn Stoner rock instrumentals by the Morgantown-based outfit.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Ian McLagan The singer and former Small Faces musician plays R‘n’B and blues-rock. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15.

Screaming Daisies, Below Defect The Cambridgeshire-based four-piece plays alternative rock.

Hope And Anchor, Upper St, N1 1RL (020 7354 1312). £6, concs £5.

The Secret Hardcore metal by the band. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

The Datsuns Pop-rock by the New Zealand-based band.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

Field Day One day indie and rock event featuring Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti, Cocknbullkid, Ducktails, Electrelane, Factory Floor, Gruff Rhys, Hype Williams, Jamie Woon, John Cale, Matthew Dear, Mount Kimbie and others. Victoria Park, Grove Rd, E3 5SN (0870 753 5353). £39.50.

Jello Biafra & The Guantanamo School Of Medicine Punk from the San Franciscan collective. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16..

The Meteors, Epileptic Hillbillys The veteran outfit plays psychobilly. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £15.

Polar Bear Club, Man Overboard Hardcore punk-rock by the band from Syracuse and Rochester, USA. The Bowery, New Oxford St, WC1A 1EP (020 7580 3057/ cc 0844 477 1000). £10.

R Swift, Eshon Burgundy, Jahaziel, Ms Coco Dupree Rap and hip-hop by the Philadelphiabased singer. The Albany, Douglas Way, SE8 4AG (020 8692 4446). £12, adv £10, concs £8.

SUNDAY 7 Empire Affair, Lights And Clockwork, Victoria Indie-rock by the Bournemouth-based band.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50.

Soul Trigger, The Phoenix Fall, Paul Davies The London-based outfit plays funk-rock. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £8, £7 before 10pm.

Good Charlotte, The Computers Pop-punk from the American five-piece. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.50.

SATURDAY 6

Morrissey The former Smiths frontman performs his solo material alongside songs written with his erstwhile collaborator Johnny Marr, a body of work that spans four decades. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £37.50.

Brandon Allen Quintet With Quentin Collins The Australian saxophonist plays jazz originals and standard with his group and the trumpeter. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

Photo: Red Hot Chili Peppers

Weird Dreams, Hey Sholay, Not Cool Soulful pop-rock by the London-based band. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 8826 5000). £6, w/flyer £5.

The Dirty Reds, The Pins, Blacktooth, Kings & Rogues Indie and pop-rock by the London-based band. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8, £4 after 11pm.

Asa De Aguia The outfit plays Brazilian carnival music. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £26.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Kitsch and selfdepracting: the best of Shit London

22

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It's all a bit shit, isn't it?

An online scrapbook called Shit London records and renders the capital's neglected corners to hilarious effect WORDS TOM STURROCK Patrick Dalton began by taking pictures of the bizarre details that caught his eye – stupid signs, hilarious graffiti, depressing signs of urban decay. It became a chronicle of London's gloriously moribund detritus, which, entitled Shit London, found its way online before – as is the way in this brave new world – spawning a gallery show, a book and its own awards night. As Dalton, 32, recalls, it all began in such humble surrounds. In Tooting, to be precise. "I'm a life-long Londoner – south London and proud. It all started off when I was living in Tooting. That place was an absolute goldmine.

It was bat-shit crazy," he says. "There's a bit of gallows humour about it – it's kitsch and it’s self-deprecating. And I think that anyone who laughs at it will still have some real affection for London."

In many ways, Shit London was a reaction to the pomposity of the 'in the know' crowd, who had already staked out a corner of cyberspace for their preening.

"It started on Facebook," Dalton says. "There was a group called Secret London. All my friends were joining but it was just a whole lot of people shouting the names of their favourite clubs into a void. I thought, 'what's the point?'"

"So I started a group called Shit London, just taking the piss, not thinking anything of it. I uploaded 10 pictures on a Friday night and then when I came back after the weekend, I found 300 people had subscribed and it just snowballed from there. A gallery got in contact with me and asked if I wanted to exhibit the pictures.

"I had been taking photos like that for years but always thought that world was probably closed to me. When the door opened, I was right up for it."

And now, the best contributions to Shit London are available in a book. They run the full gamut: discarded sex dolls, ill-chosen shop-fronts ads, inappropriate murals.

Basically, anything that causes the needle to shudder from funny to depressing and back again.

By its anarchic nature, the thread linking the images is hard to define – there's a hint of desperation, of people trying and failing. But mostly, Shit London strikes a chord because it offers such stark contrast to the fashionable, cosmopolitan foot London prefers to put forward – portraits of the city's pathetic, ugly sisters in counterpoint to its pretty, self-promoting Cinderellas.

"The common theme, first of all, is London – it's just the

bits nobody looks at," Dalton says. "If you watch a show like The Apprentice, you'll see London looking very shiny and impressive but that's not the reality for most people. And I think that these photos of all the grotty stuff actually make people more appreciative of the rest of it."

And, of course, what binds Londoners together more tightly than the way their affection for the city manifests itself in complaints about its shortcomings?

"One thing Londoners love is to moan," Dalton says.

"Look at the Tube – everyone avoids talking to each other, but once the Tube breaks down they’ve all got something to talk about."

The hallmark of Shit London's content is that it's accessible – there are no barriers to observing the weirdness of life in London. And it's low-tech, as anyone with a camera on their phone can contribute. That said, there is still the thrill of the new about it.

After all, it's unlikely such an advertiser-unfriendly site would have found a niche before the relatively recent, nosebleed-trajectory explosion of social media.

Without an online hub for people to congregate and ››

Patrick Dalton

[Caption] The age of austerity TNTMAGAZINE.COM

23

Big society: Dave's not welcome

mock-slash-celebrate the shabbiness of everyday life in the capital, Shit London might never have been.

"Even five years ago, it probably wouldn't have worked," Dalton says. "But people spend more and more time online and they now walk around with smartphones.

"It definitely helps that people can make comments and talk about the different photos. I think it's also the fact that people haven't really been pointing and laughing at this stuff. Or, in some cases, people compete about living in really bad areas. It's like a badge of honour for them."

And if there was any doubt about Shit London's wildfire popularity among disillusioned residents, then it will surely be dispelled at the site's inaugural awards ceremony in

24

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Dreams can come true

“

It celebrates the stuff that's a bit crappy

”

"I guarantee it will be a very disappointing evening – the ceremony will take place in the dingiest pub we can find," he says. "Winners will get a pint, a packet of crisps and a pat on the back. But I will be wearing a tuxedo" That is no slur on the quality of entrants, though. On the contrary, Dalton is expecting the bar to be raised on London-based mediocrity.

"The ugliest building should be an interesting category – there are lots of those in London," he says.

"But one I'm really looking forward to is the worst view from work – I've seen some entries and there are some truly bleak views from people working in big office blocks."

Until then, though, the task of chronicling London's flotsam and jetsam continues and the city's rich tapestry, as frayed at the seams as it might be, is all-encompassing.

According to Dalton, would-be contributors need only observe the world around them in all its quirky minutiae, pausing briefly to peer through the window into another person's weird, slightly malfunctioning world.

"Look at signs in newsagents' windows or posters on the Tube that have been defaced. Or notices up in fruit and veg shops – they've often got weird stuff written," he says. "Just keep your eyes open – you never know what you'll find." ❚ » Have you seen anything bizarre in your neck of the woods?

Something dysfunctional or a little bit depressing, but nevertheless hilarious? We'd love to have a look. So take a picture and send it through to letters@tntmagazine.com

Photos: Shit London

Manners are free

September. Don't make the mistake of expecting glitz and glamour and red carpets, though. Dalton insists the night will be, as befits the occasion, a bit shit.

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EXPERIENCE AUSTRALIA VS NEW ZEALAND IN THE GILLETTE RFL 4 NATIONS

Photos: TNT; Gillette

to some of the best players in the world this October when Australia takes on arch rivals New Zealand in Warrington – and you could be there!

TNT has a pair of LondonWarrington return coach and match ticket packages for the game at The Halliwell Jones Stadium on Friday October 28, kick off 8pm.

Not only will you get to experience this highly anticipated Gillette Rugby League 4 Nations clash, you’ll also

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Two runners up will each receive a pair of standing match tickets (travel not included).

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Sam Duckworth

For his new album, the singer-songwriter has dropped his ‘Get Cape.

Wear Cape. Fly.’ moniker but he’s still banging on about politics INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER

You’re releasing The Mannequin under your own name instead of your stage name. Why? This album has a much more intimate feel – musically and lyrically it’s very different to the others. When I finished it, I realised it was a million miles from Get Cape. Wear Cape ... which is very upbeat and uptempo. If I’d done it as a Get Cape album, it would have confused me as much as the people who listen to it.

Is it true that you originally took the name ‘Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly’ because you didn’t want to get lumped in with singer-songwriters such as James Blunt and James Morrison?

Definitely – that’s the type of thing you say when you’re 18. But since then I’ve spent a lot of time discovering people such as Neil Young and Elliot Smith and I’ve come to realise that being a singer-songwriter is nothing to be ashamed of.

How did you choose the name?

I actually found it in a magazine; it was the headline from a retro-gamer computer article.

I owe the sub-editor of that magazine big time!

At some time I’d like to meet them, shake his or her hand, and buy them a drink.

Did you use to dress up as a superhero when you were a kid?

I’m sure there are some family photos of me with a T-shirt tied around my neck that will come out one day.

The lyrics to your songs are often socially aware: do politics and music mix?

There’s a great quote from Paul Weller that “politics is buying a loaf of bread”. You only have to get me into a conversation for 10 minutes and I’d be deep into ranting about the affairs of the day. Music’s about what’s in your heart, and political music inspires me as much as non-political music. I just think ‘each to their own’: some people think the two should be kept separate. For my new album, I was trying to find a way to tell the story in a way that was less full on, which has an emotional attachment – rather than just some rantings over music.

Get Cape. Wear Cape.

Put Cape away in the cupboard for a while

Billy Bragg is a hero of yours – what was it like getting on stage with him at Glastonbury a few years back?

It was wicked. It’s funny with Billy Bragg – I’m getting quite confident now being a musician, I’ve been doing it full-time for eight years so I feel comfortable, but if I’m around him I clam up like a 14-year-old schoolboy. I met up with him at Glastonbury this year: he’s taken me and a couple of others under his wing. He does a lot of work for a lot of organisations; he’s one of those people who walks the walk and talks the talk.

Has he given you any advice?

Yeah: be succinct and don’t bang on for ages, because you lose people if you waffle. And to keep going and just be yourself and be proud of yourself. It’s good advice for a songwriter of any generation or any age because that’s what makes your music individual.

You’re half Burmese, does that influenced your music at all?

It certainly has on this album. The last track 8888 is about the Burmese uprising on August 8, 1988 – it was when Aung San Suu Kyi [pro-democracy leader] started her incredibly long house arrest.

I’ve just been reading her memoirs and letters ... anyway, I could talk for hours about this but I just think its bonkers how we’re charging head-

first into Libya and yet there’s been so many atrocities going on under this military junta for over 20 years – nearly my whole lifetime – and it barely registers.

Not to sound flippant after that, but can you cook a mean Burmese curry?

You know, I can, but as my Dad says: “You are not yet a master.” It’s practice. Putting fish sauce and meat together is tricky – you’ve got to be bold with your flavours but quite restrained in the way that you do it. Sometimes it turns out well and sometimes it can be an absolute mess.

And you can tell when you’ve had a proper Burmese curry when someone’s got that balance right. My grandmother’s or my dad’s are much better than my humble attempts.

How did you feel about having a One Tree Hill episode named after you?

Well, it messed up my Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. Google searches for about a year! It was quite flattering that they used it but it was bizarre. My manager gets the Google alerts for Get Cape … and all of a sudden it was just bombarded with all these hits from One Tree Hill fan-sites and from gossip sites. I guess somebody on the show heard my music and liked it.

New album The Mannequin out August 29 Getcapewearcapefly.com

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Dead ringer: the kid even looks like Elliott from ET

SUPER 8 FILM review by Tom Sturrock STARRING: Joel Courtney, Elle Fanning, Kyle Chandler | 12A | 112mins

SARAH’S KEY FILM STARRING: Kristin Scott Thomas, Melusine Mayance | 12A | 111mins

Kristin Scott Thomas has always flitted effortlessly between English and French roles. But, in Sarah’s Key, an adaptation of Tatiana de Rosnay’s best-selling novel, she sports a distinctly American twang as journalist who helps a young girl delve into her family’s first-hand experience of France’s notorious Vel’ d’Hiv Roundup in 1942. At the behest of the Nazis, French police rounded up 13,000 of their own Jewish citizens and sent them to Auschwitz. Sobering stuff.

28

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Remember the first glimpse of Godzilla? Or when King Kong finally bounds out of the jungle? You’ve paid your £12 and you want to see the monster. That’s the deal and these films are obliged to put out. But, as ‘monster porn’, Super 8 fires blanks.

In 1979, a group of film-obsessed teenagers witness a spectacular train crash that unleashes an otherworldly menace on their small town. “It has arrived”, the movie’s poster croons solicitously. But, 90 minutes in, the audience still hasn’t had a good look at the big nasty – Super 8 shows a bit of thigh but then slaps its audience’s groping hands away, protesting that it’s ‘not that kind of film’.

There’s a promising set-up where the dramatic beats are astutely underplayed and some likeable riffs used to embroider the stock characters. Although the film borrows heavily from ET, The Goonies and Stand By Me, the budding romance between two damaged teens works well. But, as Super 8 swells into a broad-brush coming-of-age tale, the film loses its mojo and begins to sag noticeably under the weight of its own homage, failing to measure up to its superior forebears.

In the last third, the film veers into overwrought sentimentality, the hokey symbolism of the final reels accompanied by soaring chords, to make doubly sure you get it. Ultimately, Super 8 hurries toward an emotional pay-off that it hasn’t earned and an otherwise three-star film – bolstered by the performances of its young leads and the comic mileage of its late-Seventies setting – loses points for its mawkish end-notes and the irritating game of peek-a-boo it plays with its monster.

GOOD FOR: 12-year-olds and men who still live with their mothers

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THE CUTTING EDGE AT THE COMEDY STORE COMEDY

This sharp, topical weekly show draws on a pool of talent which includes luminaries such as Roger Monkhouse, Rich Hall, pictured, Mitch Benn, Rob Rouse and Zoe Lyons. The team takes their inspiration from the week’s news so you can’t help but wonder if they are suffering Murdoch-hacker-scandal fatigue yet.

The Comedy Store 1A Oxendon St, SW1Y 4EE. Tues, Aug 2. £12+ thecomedystore.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

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Tell us a joke Recently, in a spate of sectarian violence, the Celtic football manager Neil Lennon was sent a bullet in the post ... it’s very unlikely to kill him at that pace.

When was the last time you upset a kid?

My son was doing stand-up in a variety show at his school for the first time. I went along and started heckling to give him an impression of what it’s like to be a comedian.

He didn’t like it, but you can’t just parachute in at your first go.

Photos: Tristram Kenton; Julien Bonet; Francois Duhamel

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I performed once to a crowd that was completely silent. A girl came in and started making a phone call.

She said it was quieter in there than anywhere outside.

AL KENNEDY

RICHARD III

TALK

THEATRE

Al Kennedy’s cute writing style has won her a swag of accolades including the prestigious Costa Book Award for her brilliant book Day. The Scottish writer and stand-up comedian will discus her new novel, The Blue Book, about a woman torn between her perfectly adequate boyfriend and her ex-partner in crime.

With a humpback and callipered leg, Kevin Spacey’s Richard holds the audience in the palm of his withered hand in Shakespeare’s depiction of murderous ambition run riot. His confiding determination is mesmerising as he persuades Queen Elizabeth to let him marry her daughter in Sam Mendes’ climactic show. LK

Foyles 113-119 Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0EB. Thurs, Aug 4. Free foyles.co.uk Tottenham Ct Rd

The Old Vic The Cut, SE1 8NB. Until Sep 11. £10+ oldvictheatre.com Waterloo

How would you amuse yourself on a desert island?

I would smother myself in my own faeces – just go proper mental. The rescue party might turn up then and they’d say, ‘but it’s only been about half an hour’.

Performing at

Angel Comedy, Camden Angel

Head, 2 Camden Walk, N1 8DY. Aug 6, 8pm. Free

angelcomedy.co.uk

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Explore Londinium, the Roman precursor of London, with an ancient street plan.

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Former M16 field operative Dunn tracks super-spy Will Cochrane’s manhunt for an Iranian terrorist. £6.49 amazon.co.uk

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Scan the barcodes of your unwanted CDs, DVDs and games. The app then makes you an offer and a transaction is carried out.

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Photos: TNT

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Photos: Monarch Flights

A PAIR OF FLIGHTS TO EGYPT OR SPAIN Are you dreaming of an exotic beach escape or a cosmopolitan city break?

We’ve got just the thing for you!

We’ve teamed up with Monarch, the scheduled leisure airline, to offer two lucky readers the chance to win a pair of return flights on one of the airline’s new routes to Egypt’s Red Sea resort of Sharm el Sheikh or Spain’s bustling city, Barcelona.

You and a friend could be jetting off to Sharm el Sheikh and relaxing on the golden sands or experiencing the magical underwater world of tropical marine life and spectacular corals. With average temperatures exceeding 25 degrees in winter, Sharm el Sheikh is the perfect choice for a warm winter sun escape as well as a fabulous summer get-away.

Or, if a bustling city is more your thing, you could be jetting away to Spain’s lively

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Monarch, the scheduled leisure airline, operates flights to Spain, Portugal, Cyprus, Turkey and Egypt from London Gatwick airport with fares, including taxes starting from £39.99 one way (£61.99 return). In addition to year-round low fares, Monarch also offers a bespoke “build your own class of travel”.

All customers are allocated a seat at check-in but for those wishing to select where in the cabin they sit, seats can be pre-booked from £4.99 per one-way flight or from only £9.99 for extra legroom seats.

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Terms & Conditions: The winners will be the first two correct entries drawn after the closing date August, 15, 2011. The winner must be aged 16 years or over. The prize is non-transferrable and there is no cash alternative. The prize is offered subject to availability and may not be available on all dates on all flights. The prize is valid for travel before 30 June 2012. The prize per winner is one pair of return flights with Monarch from London Gatwick airport to Sharm el Sheikh or Barcelona. Airport taxes are included in the prize. Flight extras are not included in the prize (flight extras include, but are not limited to, pre-allocated seats and the carriage of hold/checked-in baggage).

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tntjobs.co.uk SHAD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Xxxxxxxxxxxx Personal (Care) Assistant Location: Xxxxxxx London (Wandsworth, Salary: Xxxxxxxxx Lambeth, Islington) Salary: FREE ACCOMODATION plus allowance Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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You will| have an interest in providing wide ranging independent living support Name Number | Email and assistance with day-to-day tasks to people with physical disabilities living in their own home. Free accommodation, allowance and training provided!

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Matalan Soft Touch Polo This summer polo is finished with a white collar and sleeve trim for that added edge.

Men’s swim shorts You’ll definitely make a splash in these funky swim shorts with orange trim.

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Crochet trim top Channel the vintage tea party vibe with floral print and girly crocheting.

riverisland.com

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9

9

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00

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SHOPWATCH FOREVER 21

So Oxford Street’s HMV is sadly no more, but in its place comes a store that’s got bargain lovers aflutter. Shoppers queued for three hours to get into the launch of new cut-price fashion store Forever 21 last week.

Hailing from Los Angeles and already big in the US, the new three-floor shop selling clothes for women, men and kids, brings a dash of Californian cool to London. Think Ivy League-style preppy blazers and baseball jackets. You’ll also find faux leathers, 1970s bohemian knits and a top-notch 1950s and 1960s inspired vintage collection.

It’s hot on what’s on trend and has a string of celebrity fans such as Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Jamie Winstone and Rihanna. But it’s also dirt-cheap. With T-shirts from £9, shoes at £13 and hats at £4, it’s set to be a huge hit on the great British high street.

H&M men’s cardigan Who said elbow patches weren’t cool?

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Ibiza canvas espadrilles Work the edging look with rope and stitching on the soles of your shoes. topman.com

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White trilby hat White straw finished with a floral band is a surefire summer combo. heatonsstores.com

6

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Embellished wedges .95 £45 Add some edges to your wedges with these bad boys.

Photos: ASOS: TNT

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OPEN Daily COST All items £40 or less forever21.com 360 Oxford Street, W1C 1AB TEL 020 7493 3054 Oxford Circus

Pink dress You’ll be rocking those ruffles with this casual summer dress in a lookat-me shade of shocking pink. whitestuff.com

Paul Smith travel bag Carry this men’s car and crane picture bag on your arm and you’ll stop traffic. paulsmithsales.co.uk

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33

LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

TRIXTER X DREAM If cycling in London seems a form of insanity and getting to a real cross-country course is just too much hassle, then get an adrenaline-pedalling fix on a Trixter X Dream bike.

Part virtual world, part proper sweaty exercise, the X Dream bike has an integrated computer, taking riders to a range of simulated environments: parkland, semi arid, desert and highlands. Each terrain has tracks of varying difficulty from which to choose, and you must progress from green to white before moving on to pro level.

To help you feel the virtual rocks under your wheels and navigate the virtual hairpin bends, the bikes have gears, brakes, moving handlebars and seat sensors.

Their resistance accurately depicts the terrain gradients, track surfaces and conditions.

If you’re lazy and think you’ll end up pootling along enjoying the view on your bike, X Dreams allow you to race up to five other riders.

I try the bikes and get competitive with a fellow cyclist as we tear through the virtual desert. We are knackered by the end of a 15-minute course and have crashed off a precipice and into a rock-face.

Good thing it wasn’t real. FM Available at selected Virgin Actives trixter.net; virginactive.co.uk

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Retro fitness Fed up with cross-training? Bored of boxercise?

Inject a bit of the past into your workout with the childhood classes making a comeback WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

With ever more high-tech forms of exercise battling to get us off the sofa, it’s easy to forget that keeping fit wasn’t always so distasteful. Forget Wii Fit and personal trainers – once all you needed to get you on your feet was a plastic hoop or a pair of pink ballet shoes. London is in the midst of a ‘playground exercise’ revival as adults flock back to their favourite pastimes.

BALLET, Islington Ditch the tutu and whirl around for fun; the pressure’s off now you’re safely past the point where your secret prima-ballerina dreams still might come true.

In a converted Islington church, a group of leotard-clad enthusiasts are among those across the capital rediscovering a love of plies and pirouettes that, for most, was abandoned at secondary school.

Member Danielle Tiley, 24, says: “When I was younger I was so serious about ballet I would practice at home. Now I just do it because I love it.”

Tiley isn’t the only one pointing her toes at a barre in the Islington Arts Factory (islingtonartsfactory.org; from £6) who started dancing as a child but gave up at 14 when her social life got in the way.

“It’s much harder as an adult,” Laura Hills

Feel the burn: hula hooping 34

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admits. “But things do come back and I was so happy to start again.”

HULA HOOP, London-wide Remember being entertained for hours by defying gravity and keeping a hoop moving around your waist? Unbeknown to us, we were burning off a significant number of calories and toning up at the same time.

Today, hula hooping is the latest retro fitness craze sweeping London. But be prepared to brush up on your moves.

Anna Drury, founder of You Hoop (youhoop.co.uk; from £5), which has classes across the capital, says: “Most people come to hula hooping classes because they tried recently and realised they couldn’t do it anymore.”

The key is to start with a big hoop, not the size you played with when you were eight. Apparently for most, the hip-twirling skill returns easily and is still a source of enjoyment.

Drury’s claim? “We don’t really grow up – we just get bigger. People who can’t hula hoop again simply don’t believe in themselves.”

And, yes, hula hooping, if you use a weighted hoop, is a great fat-burner and core strengthener.

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LOOKING GOOD...

BACK TO YOUR ROOTS

Silk beauty cocoons Use these odd things for smooth skin £25 holisticsilk.com

RAVING

The glowsticks, whistles, white gloves and sweat will take you back to the early 90s for 45 mins. Minus the dodgy E! (gymbox.co.uk; £8) ROLLERSKATING

Pastimes: trampolining in the Sixties; above right, ballet in Islington TRAMPOLINING, Greenwich You may not be flying through the air with the grace of a bird, but trampolining is a way of embracing your inner child while getting a decent workout.

Anne-Sonia King, founder of Greenwich Bouncers adult trampolining academy (greenwichbouncers.co.uk; from £6.50), admits people have barriers up about going back to once-loved hobbies.

“People think they’re too old or too unfit and a lots of people just feel silly,” King says.

However, she adds, the rewards are bigger than just burning calories. “It’s impossible not to giggle when you start jumping in the air. We laugh all the way through.”

Learn to skate again with a lesson (citiskate.co.uk; £25), combine with legwarmers for a night out (rollerdisco. com; £10) or go hardcore and join a rollerderby team (londonrockinrollers.co.uk).

JANE FONDA TRIBUTE CLASS

Rehab men’s moisturiser Quench dry skin like a man £14.95 rehablondon.co.uk

It’s the benchmark aerobics class, with 80s classics like the grapevine and jumping jacks. And who doesn’t want to look like Jane Fonda? (moveyourframe.com; £10).

But don’t be mistaken; you’ll still get fit.

Trampolining is an intense cardiovascular exercise as well as being low impact and stamina building.

So don’t be scared to have another go at the activity you did as a child, however good or bad you were at the time.

NEXT WEEK You may discover, in Tried and tested: fact, that some things best fitness apps have got easier.

Vani-T multi-vitamin face spritz Revitalise your face £16.50 vani-t.com

Photos: TNT; Getty; Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: LAVA SHELL MASSAGE Being massaged with seashells does sound weird. But, being brave, I opt to get rubbed down with a pair of tiger clam, or lava, shells. Found on the shores of the Philippines, they heat up when mixed with salt water and certain minerals. This makes for an intensely relaxing and warming massage while the sound of the shells clacking together transports me straight to the beach. Unfortunately, central London’s still there when I leave. From £55 CV Harvey Nichols, SW1X 7RJ

beyondmedispa.co.uk

Knightsbridge

Vajazzle.me Make your bits twinkle £7.95 superdrug.com

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35

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Flinders Street station: historical and contemporary styles merge

Melbourne magic Thinking of ditching the UK for sunnier climes? Then look no further than our monthly guide to working abroad WORDS REBECCA KENT

Melbourne may not as pretty as Sydney, ‘the tart from up north’, but it has an energy that leaves visitors wanting more. Combine that with streets bursting with cafes and bars, beaches and a buoyant jobs market, and moving there becomes a worthwhile consideration.

Dynamic and vibrant, the city provides a high standard of living. The folk are friendly and sports-mad, but

they embrace culture – and even the region’s changeable weather – in equal measure. Melburnian Les Burke sums it up, saying: “Melbourne loves to get its hands dirty and go do things.”

In autumn, locals and visitors indulge in a feast of stand-up comedy, cabaret, theatre and street performance during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

However, at any time in the city,

you’ll get a heady mix of food, sport and art anywhere from historical Flinders Street; the iconic Yarra River; the architectural marvel; Federation Square, fabled sporting landmark, the MCG; and the fashionable bayside town of St Kilda.

Melbourne is also a thriving commercial and industrial hub.

But, according to Burcu Taskin, an international career manager at Robert

BUILDERS RETURNING HOME TO OZ/NZ IN THE NEXT 6 MONTHS

– send your CV to mike@daultonpersonnel.co.uk or call 020 8932 7362 for more information Daulton Personnel Ltd www.daultonpersonnel.co.uk 36

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB

BECOME AN ENGLISH TEACHER IN BEAUTIFUL PRAGUE

JAMES HOPKINS CAREER Co-owner of The London Cocktail Club AGE 27 LIVES Camden FROM Melbourne

Lap it up: enjoy the cafe culture

Job Guarantee & Present for You You can become certified to start your ESL career in Prague with a 10% discount!

For a discount, e-mail us your name and code: TIP10 info@teflinprague.com

More information: www.teflinprague.com

Photos: Getty

Dive in: beaches are close by Walters (robertwalters.

WHERE TO LIVE Essex to Melbourne in co.uk), it has a paucity 2006. It didn’t take her Fitzroy and Richmond in the north of skilled workers. long to assimilate in are popular for their pleasant “The shortage streets, great nightlife and boutique the heartland of Aussie means foreign workers Rules football. shops. You can shop up a storm can expect highly “I couldn’t believe in Richmond and eat at a huge competitive salaries in how easy it was to selection of Asian restaurants. a variety of industries, However, rent is high. Expect to pay become an AFL fan. from graduate to senior about $170 (£115) per month for a As a Collingwood level roles,” he says. supporter, I’m always room in a flat share.

“And if you sign disappointed in the The Victorian seaside suburb of St up to an international reaction of locals when Kilda is a lively pocket of the city’s recruitment consultancy alternative art, theatre and music I tell them I’m a Pie’s you can get connected fan,” she said. It’s no scene, featuring the Esplanade with employers before which hosts a market every Sunday. surprise then that the you even leave.”

MCG, is her favourite Rent is about $200 (£135). Expect Foreigners holding to pay upwards of $200 (£135) to live part of the city. Her a Working Holiday Visa loyalty to England closer to the city centre. (available to people hasn’t wavered, aged between 18-30 though. “It was from various countries) should have especially good at the last Boxing Day no problem finding temporary jobs, Test when England retained the Ashes.” such as those in hospitality. Company If your CV needs a boost, sponsorship is also available to those Melbourne’s a great place to be a with certain skills under the ANZSCO student. On September 8, staff from skilled shortage list (see immi.gov.au). the University of Melbourne’s Graduate The progression of major School of Humanities and engineering projects means, PAs, EAs Social Sciences will be and admin staff are highly sought after. in London to And for people interested in career tell you all NEXT WEEK development, demand is particularly about it high in health, IT, engineering, (graduate.

The advance of and marketing. arts. entrepreneurs Kelly Bainbridge, 38, got straight unimelb. into the graft when she moved from edu.au).

How did you get into your line of work?

My first job was working as a barman and waiter in Melbourne. I came to London five years ago and worked in recruitment, then offshore finance. I wanted to go back into hospitality but I didn’t want to work for someone else so we entered this competition to go into business with Raymond Blanc and won. So that’s how we started up.

What do you do day to day?

I do a lot of the accounting and the boring stuff. We set up and open up at 4pm, then my job is to manage the bar and make sure everyone’s happy.

What’s the best part of your job?

Getting to know the regulars and the locals. We have a lot of people who feel like it’s their second living room.

And the most challenging?

Definitely numbers and figures. I’ve got a lot of respect for people that like Excel spreadsheets.

HOW TO...

FLIRT AT WORK • Seducing a colleague in the

office is high risk. Avoid making an arse of yourself, otherwise it might come back to haunt you each time you meet at the photocopier.

•

Engage in some banter and touch their arm lightly when talking to them.

• If the response is promising,

bump it up at after-work drinks, but stop short of overt displays of affection in the office otherwise you could put a few noses out of joint.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

37

THINKING OF STUDY IN AUSTRALIA? Attend our information session to learn about Masters and Research programs in the Graduate School of Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Melbourne. Programs include international relations, publishing and communications, cultural management, and Australia’s only Executive Master of Arts.

Graduate Study Information Night 5:30pm-7pm Thursday 8 September Australian Trade Commission Australia House, Strand London Tel: +44 20 7632 0003

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"

Sales Executive UK BASED

Improve your work prospects Add the official Spanish language certificate to your CV Enrol now for Spanish, specialised and online courses and the DELE certificate.

This is an excellent opportunity for a high potential sales person to join the UK team of On The Go Tours.

The person will be responsible for servicing and training travel consultants and travel agencies that sell our product.

Experience in sales is preferred and travel to at least one of our destinations will be a benefit.

There will be international travel involved in this role.

OTE £25,00. Only Permanent Residents to apply.

Please forward your CV in the first instance to scott@onthegotours.com

LIMITED COMPANY AND CONTRACTOR ACCOUNTS £20 per week Full Accounting service by Qualified Accountants | Based in Central London (Liverpool St) DID YOU KNOW? Offering your services through a limited company can potentially save you tax.

You work hard and deserve to retain most of what you earn - our charges reflect this. A fixed fee is agreed with you in advance of providing a comprehensive service.

SO WHAT DO WE DO FOR YOU? From compliance to reviewing your tax affairs, designing the most tax efficient strategy; and maximising your net earnings.

DON’T FORGET OUR PROMISE: • That’s all you pay - no surprise charges.

• We never quibble about fees. If you are not happy, it’s quite simple: you don’t pay.

WHY NOT TALK IT THROUGH WITH US? - CONTACT US NOW: Tel: 020 7183 6169 | Email: info@mdpaccountancy.co.uk | Website: www.mdpaccountancy.co.uk 40

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

SWEET DLR DEALS Xxxxxxxxx Get offers – such as 10 per cent off smoothies from XXXXXXXXX Shake It! in Greenwich, Xxxxxxxxxxx and a free chocolate with every scoop of ice-cream XXXXXXXXX at Paul A. Young in Bank Xxxxxxxxxxx – just for using the DLR. Sign up for the deals XXXXXXXXX at dlrlondon.co.uk/ Xxxxxxxxxxx promotions XXXXXXXXX DRESS TO IMPRESS Xxxxxxxxxxx

idea because early bookings are usually rewarded with cheaper tickets.

MARK ORR, 21

If you covet the closet of a WAG, and the wear-oncethen-discard mentality, see girlmeetsdress.com. They buy high-end designer dresses from labels such as Herve Leger and Marc Jacobs and rent them out.

It costs about £150 for two nights or £180 for a week. Hand over your cash, convince your set that you’ve upped your sartorial stakes and return.

JOB Volunteer, Metro Centre FROM Austin, Texas LIVES Kensington

I finally add them all up, put money aside, then the rest I spend on being social.

How do you budget?

After deciding each week to stop ignoring my expenses,

Any money-saving tips?

Planning events or outings in advance is always a good

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Downloading songs from iTunes. It’s an indulgence of mine every couple of weeks.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Celebrities being bad When people such as Steven Spielberg, left, get fined £150 for taking his boat too close to a beach, it makes them seem human like the rest of us ...

SCORE CASHBACK Visit the new moneysaving website Ilovecashback.com before your next spending spree.

Use it to compare prices for products, get money saving vouchers and find out where you can take advantage of the latest cashback offers.

Photos: Getty

Last big blow-out?

I bought not one, but two pairs of Converse shoes.

I basically live in them and wore my last pair down to the point where they didn’t look like Cons anymore.

❚ Actress Hilary Swank was fined NZ$200 (£76) for breaching quarantine laws after failing to declare an apple and orange in her bag when arriving in NZ. ❚ US president Barack Obama was hit with a £120 fine for not paying the congestion charge on his recent visit to London. That’s £10 for each of the cars in his motorcade.

FITNESS TRIPS /60 TRAVEL DEALS /62

❚ Emmerdale actor Chris Chittell, 61, who has played Eric Pollard in the soap since 1986, was fined £625 for failing to respond to police and court letters regarding a speeding offence. ❚ Hollywood actor Nicolas Cage paid $50 (£30) to authorities after he was arrested for disturbing the peace during a drunken row with his wife, Alice Kim.

Are you ready to take your career back home?

Recruitment Summit

London

As the world’s most successful African recruitment brand, Careers in Africa has a proven track record of successfully connecting leading employers from across Africa with internationally oriented graduates and professionals seeking challenging and rewarding careers across Africa.

We are recruiting for over 200 corporations including:

21-23 October 2011 Apply Now at www.careersinafrica.com TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE . £26

Street cred

99

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00 £1.

Want to know where the hip kids hang out?

Look no further ...

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

When it comes to living in London, location is everything. Whether you’re addicted to the north, or it’s south all the way, read our guide to the coolest streets in the city.

Battery operated plastic fan A dirt-cheap way to stay cool and kitsch poundland.co.uk

.95 £49

Cool bag with mp3 dock Picnic playlists at the ready, folks bornextreme.co.uk

9

.9 £59

GREEN LANES, Stoke Newington Thanks to a large Turkish population, Green Lanes is a mecca for cheap Turkish food, whether you want hearty meze, sweet baklava or a good old dirty kebab. At the bottom of Green Lanes are the cafes of yummy-mummy Newington Green, and as you venture up you’ll find leafy Clissold Park (who needs a gym?) and the bars and vintage stores of arty Stoke Newington’s Church Street. Only a few minutes’ walk away from Stoke Newington, the south end of Green Lanes is a well-placed, but cheaper base to enjoy the area’s cafe culture. You’re also within walking distance of nights out in Angel and uber-cool Dalston.

BEST FOR FOOD: For legendary Turkish cuisine, make it Antepliler (antepliler.com).

BEST FOR DRINKS: The White House has an outdoor shisha bar (thewhitehousepub.com).

TUBE: Arsenal/Manor House.

AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £600pcm.

BROCKLEY ROAD, Brockley

Tefal Toast ‘n’ Egg Poach your eggs and make your toast in one place tefal.co.uk 42

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A Brockley resident once called a Neighbourhood Watch meeting to instruct everyone to paint their houses as creatively as possible. And that, so the legend goes, is why Brockley is covered with wall designs and murals. Arts events are always springing up from this inspiring pocket

Foodie hipster heaven: Broadway Market in London Fields; below, Browns of Brockley of south London, with the yearly arts and music focused Brockley Max festival and galleries such as the Brockley Mess (also a cafe; thebrockleymess.com) flying the creative flag. There’s real community spirit and residents are always up for a shindig – street parties happen all year round outside the Broca cafe, just off Brockley Road (brocafoods.com).

BEST FOR FOOD: The new and brilliantly named Vietnamese restaurant, Mo Pho on Coulgate Street.

BEST FOR DRINKS: The Brockley Jack looks like an old man pub but there’s a secret theatre inside with cabaret and burlesque nights (brockleyjack.co.uk).

RAIL: Brockley.

AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £450pcm.

BROADWAY MARKET, London Fields Now having a bit of a renaissance thanks to development after 10 years of slow trade, Broadway Market is a hip foodie haven.

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LIFESTYLELIVING MY AREA RICKY

JEFFREY

Manager, 27 Green Lanes

“Green Lanes is a diverse, crazy area. Church Street has a lot of good restaurants and pubs. The Fullback is a popular bar, and is styled like a tree house.”

DALI K Barista, 26 Brockley Road

Traders arrive on Saturdays before 9am – stalls stacked with vintage fashion bargains, artisan bread, cakes and fresh meat, veg and fish. Lining the edges of the road, you’ll spot cafes (try Burgil Coffee for a fresh organic brew; burgil.com), independent shops like textile studios and a host of eateries. At one end of the road is London Fields, where you can enjoy a picnic with your spoils from the market, and at the other is the chilled-out Regent’s Canal, ready for exploring.

BEST FOR FOOD: Get your fill of traditional London grub in F Cooke, which has (along with its décor) been going since the 1930s.

BEST FOR DRINKS: Off Broadway hosts film screenings and serves a mean Long Island Iced Tea (offbroadway.org.uk).

RAIL: London Fields.

AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £700pcm.

Photos: TNT

CREMORNE ROAD, Fulham A residential street that’s almost on the banks of the Thames, Cremorne Road is tucked moments away from the iconic King’s Road. The area is crammed with rock ‘n’ roll and fashion history as it was the Sixties stomping ground of the likes of The Rolling Stones, The Beatles and Twiggy. The King’s Road still has its cool stripes, being the home to loads of clothing boutiques including Vivienne Westwood’s first shop (worldsendshop.co.uk). You’ll also find galleries, cafes and restaurants galore.

BEST FOR FOOD: Eat all-American diner food at The Scene Bar and Kitchen on the King’s Road, topped off with a boozy

milkshake (theworldsend.co).

BEST FOR DRINKS: The Jam Tree on the King’s Road has an inventive cocktail list (Jam Mojito anyone?) and its garden is a suntrap (thejamtree.com).

TUBE: Fulham Broadway.

AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £950pcm.

“Brockley is a secret spot – it’s still busy, but it’s outside of the main parts of London. Hilly Fields, the park in this area, has a really nice view. You can see Canary Wharf.”

ARIANE

BELAREUX Student, 24 Broadway Market

COLDHARBOUR LANE, Brixton Brixton has a gritty kind of charm, but it has the best of busy city living. Rooms are big and you can get much more for your dollar. You’ll also find anything you could need on your doorstep. There’s Brixton Market, selling fresh produce, CDs, DVDs and famous jerk chicken. The O2 Academy is around the corner for gigs, and Coldharbour Lane isn’t short of the visual arts either, with venues such as The Red Gate Gallery (redgategallerylondon.co.uk). It’s rough around the edges, but the vibe is young, cool and creative.

BEST FOR FOOD: Franco Manca on Market Row bakes slow-rising sourdough pizzas with the softest crusts south of the river (francomanca.co.uk).

BEST FOR DRINKS: Sun and Doves has the makings of a good local (big beer garden, Wednesday quiz nights), and it’s also an art gallery (sunanddoves. co.uk).

NEXT WEEK TUBE: Brixton.

AVERAGE Spotlight on FLATSHARE: Battersea £800pcm.

“Everyone around here knows each other and it’s an enjoyable neighbourhood where we all get along. We are also right by the river, which makes it peaceful.”

CLAIRE

SOWERBY Designer, 29 Cremore Road

“I love being close to the river.

There are a lot of nice shops and restaurants on King’s Road, and a lot of old, little pubs that are fun as well. The Bluebird Café is a must.”

CHRISTIAN ANSAH Sales rep, 24

Coldharbour Lane

“There are lots of shops where you can find just about everything.

It’s very eclectic. It is also very community oriented; everyone is close-knit and knows one another.”

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WORLDVIEW

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Legit: maybe not a hoax

EXPERT BACKS NESSIE UNITED KINGDOM

One of the UK’s leading dinosaur experts has lent his support to the theory that the Loch Ness monster might actually exist.

Paleontologist Dr Darren Naish, who lectures at the University of Portsmouth, reckons there have been too many sightings for Nessie to be a hoax.

Naish, suggested that, “the huge number of ‘sea monster’ sightings now on record can’t all be explained away as mistakes, sightings of known animals or hoaxes.

“At least some of the better ones some of them made by trained naturalists and such probably are descriptions of encounters with real, unknown animals.”

Quick, send out the search party.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK

@TomFelton Pretty proud to say I’m probably the only kid that ever hugged Voldemort. Even if it was awkward. @ladygaga Amy changed pop music forever, I remember knowing there was hope, and feeling not alone because of her. She lived jazz, she lived the blues. @NotKennyRogers Every time a 26year-old girl in America quotes ‘The Bachelorette’, a 13-year-old girl in China graduates from college.

AND THE WINNER IS… UNITED STATES

A blind, 100-year-old veteran of the Second World War has won a beauty contest in an Alabama nursing home.

Felma Schrimshire, competing as Ms Andalusia Manor, was last week crowned Ms Alabama Nursing Home, beating nine other finalists. “It was wonderful,” 44

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Life’s a beach: residents of Shanghai take to the public baths at the city’s new manmade beach on the banks of the Yangtze River. It’s encouraging to know that, even if you live in the middle of a megacity with 23 million other people, you can still find a place for a paddle. Now all they need is a wave-pool.

Schrimshire said. “Everybody has just been so nice and so sweet and caring. It’s just great. I don’t know any other way to express it.”

Schrimshire served in the surgeon’s office during the war. “I was going into the army myself,” she said. “Not many women were in the army back then, so much to my husband’s relief, I got out after one year.”

THE PENNY DROPS AUSTRALIA

Townsville City Council has taken the bizarre step of registering a half-blind, 12-year-old chihuahua – with an arthritic hip and one tooth – on its menacing dog list.

The classification of Penny, who weighs 3kg, as

a threat by Queensland’s Townsville City Council drew ridicule from the dog’s owner.

“It is ludicrous and laughable that my little three-kilogram lap dog would even scare someone,” owner Diane Christensen, 61, said. “She has a severe limp, so her back legs often fall to one side when she walks, she has one tooth left and she is the quietest dog in the neighborhood.

“Penny is very well-behaved because she is always with me in my handbag when I’m out and she is timid too – she won’t even stay in the yard alone.”

But animal control officers found there was enough evidence the pint-sized pooch was “causing fear” and “carried out a menacing attack” on a neighbour last year.

In a country crawling with nasties, it’s the geriatrc chihuahuas you have to worry about.

Menacing: beware the toy dogs

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Evil: when wallabies attack

THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 3072

Length, in inches, of a samurai sword stuck in a Chinese boy’s head.

Doctors operated and expect him to fully recover

WALLABY TERROR AUSTRALIA

A family in Kooralbyn, just south of Brisbane, have become prisoners in their own home because of a thuggish wallaby.

Julie Bambrick said an unusually aggressive pretty-faced wallaby – dubbed Wacker – has terrorised her 11-year-old grandson Reece, bowled over her husband Virgil and bit him on the face, and hissed, snarled and scratched at her.

“I’m scared to go outside,’’ Bambrick said. “I won’t go out into the garden because I’m terrified this crazy wallaby is going to come and have another go.

“It just sits outside the house and eyeballs us,’’ she said. “It’s a big one – up to my chest – and we’re all terrified of it.”

Bambrick said she kept a pitchfork and a crowbar at the front and back doors in case the wallaby attacked.

CORPSE WAKES UP

Photos: Getty

SOUTH AFRICA

A 50-year-old man thought to be dead woke up in a chilly Cape Town morgue and shouted to be let out, scaring off two attendants who thought he was a ghost.

“His family thought he had died,’’ health spokesman Sizwe Kupelo said. “A private undertaker took what they thought was a dead body to the morgue, but the man woke up at 5pm and screamed, demanding to be taken out of the cold place.’’

This caused two mortuary attendants on duty to flee the building in the small town of Libode in the rural Eastern Cape as they thought it was a ghost.

After calling for help and returning to find the man alive, an ambulance was sent to fetch the man who had “been exposed to extreme cold for nearly 24 hours”.

Still, better than being dead, isn’t it?

Amount, in pounds, awarded in damages to a Brazilian woman who found a condom in a tin of meatballs and sauce

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Years spent on the run

by Fred Barrett after escaping from a Florida prison in 1979. He was tracked down last week

Price, in pounds, of a 200year-old bottle of Château d’Yquem, making it the most expensive bottle of white wine ever sold

Surprise: not dead

GOLDFISH SURVIVE NEW ZEALAND

Two goldfish were found alive and well despite going 134 days without any food or electricity to power their tank in the wake of the Christchurch earthquake.

Luckily for the fish, they lived in a large 26-gallon tank and may have gleaned some nutrition from eating algae growing on rocks and walls.

Then there’s the delicate question of their missing companions. There were six goldfish in the tank when the earthquake struck. By the time the survivors were found, no trace remained of three of the fish.

“One of the safety personnel with us said, ‘Hey the fish are alive, they’re swimming around’,” staff member Vicky Thornley said.

“There was one floating, and the others were gone. So we assumed that they were eaten by the two remaining fish.”

Well, they do say that seafood is good for you.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK The character really is me, but I just couldn’t possibly behave like that. If I had my preference, that would be me all the time US comedian Larry David insists his neurotic character in Curb Your Enthusiasm is pretty much what he’s like in real life

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: FRANKIE MULLIN frankie.mullin@tntmagazine.com

Hef and Harris: Can you guess who pays for dinner?

True love? Hot sex? Pull the other one Harris and Hef

Photos: Getty

She’s hot, he’s minted. Done deal. Stop dressing it up!

OMG! Hugh Hefner isn’t actually that sexy and he can’t get it up, cried his bewildered ex-girlfriend Crystal Harris, who ditched the Playboy mogul days before their wedding. “I thought she adored me,” jilted Hef bleated back.

Harris, a 25-year-old bunny, was apparently under the impression that Hef, despite being 85, would reveal himself to be an energetic, buff Adonis once his paisley dressing gown was shed.

Just imagine her disappointment when the glorious moment came and went in “two seconds. Then I was just over it”. She sighed: “I was, like, ‘ahh!’ I just walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef. Sorry.”

Poor scorned Hef was quick to defend himself on Twitter, calling Harris a liar. His 5000-women-and-counting reputation is at stake, for Christ’s sake.

But, really, don’t you just want to shake the pair of them for being so dishonest?

Of course Harris wasn’t under the illusion that sex with Hef would be any fun. A book by an ex-Playmate, written in 2007, described his bi-weekly shagging session thus: “He just lies there with his Viagra erection and each girl gets on top of him for two minutes while the girls in the background yell things like, ‘Fuck her daddy!’.”

Here’s the deal: Harris is sexy, Hef’s rich. One commodity is traded for the other. There is another name for this transaction, of course. Yes, having a sexual relationship with an old man in exchange for his money is a form of prostitution.

What lies behind Harris’s ridiculous assertion that her relationship with Hef was going to be a meeting of sexual equals is a fear of being branded with the stigma of ‘whore’.

Hef, equally delusional, just wants to be seen as desirable.

The only pity is that the exchange of cash for sex is a subject so surrounded by hysteria and hypocritical tut-tutting it prevents rational thought. In reality, if two adults choose each other based on the one’s wealth and the other’s physical appearance, then so be it.

I only hope that when I’m 85 I’m rich enough to be shagging pin-ups.

INFILTRATE THE TORCH BEARERS! Another octogenarian in the news is “Supertramp” Gordon Roberts. The white-bearded 82-year-old – who, in fact, lives in a house – has been nominated as Bournemouth’s Olympic torch bearer. His Facebook campaign has received thousands of “likes”.

Roberts is already a YouTube star thanks to his preternatural ability to tell the time without a watch (we tried it in the office and didn’t think our results were the stuff that virals are made of) and his 20-year presence on the streets of Bournemouth.

The man himself is blasé about the flame, worrying: “What if it rains?”

“

Roberts simply worries it will rain

”

But we’re all rooting for Roberts to liven up what is bound to be a tiresomely sanitary, saintly line-up of torch bearers.

According to an Olympic spokesperson, though, the decision is not based on the number of votes a nominee receives. Surely then, it will be decided on their ability to tell the time without a watch?

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Is the C-word the new taboo?

Chavs seem to be fair game these days but a new book argues the caricature is an insidious slur on Britain’s white working-class WORDS TOM STURROCK What do you call a chav in a suit? The accused. What day of the year does a chav find most confusing? Father’s Day. Why did the chav cross the road? To start on the chicken for no apparent reason. How do you get a chav to wear a condom?

Put a Nike logo on it. Because everyone knows that chavs are violent, inbred criminals with a penchant for sportswear, right? Apparently not. According to Owen Jones, author of the new book Chavs: The Demonization Of The Working Class, this brand of comedy, mocking caricatures of the white working-class, channels a propensity for kicking the already downtrodden.

“It’s a caricature that invites people to say, ‘look how pathetic they are’,” Jones says. “If people said the same things about gay people or black people, it wouldn’t be funny. It’s just a way to attack people for being poor.”

In his book, Jones recounts the tale of Karen Matthews, whose nine-year-old daughter Shannon went missing from a housing estate in Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, in 2008.

The contrast with the coverage of Madeleine McCann’s disappearance was striking. Whereas Kate and Gerry McCann radiated all the virtues of Britain’s attractive, articulate middle-class, Karen Matthews was the opposite, an identikit sketch of the ‘feral underclass’. The dog-whistle inference was that Matthews deserved less sympathy because she was a chav. Because she was a mother with seven children to five different fathers. Because she was a benefit-scrounger living in a grotty sink estate.

And then, the twist. Shannon Matthews was found unharmed in the flat of Michael Donovan, the uncle of Karen Matthews’ boyfriend. Matthews had faked the kidnapping, intending to pocket the reward money, by then totalling £50,000. Apparently, the tawdry vignette confirmed the gravest concerns about ‘broken Britain’, about the fecklessness incubated on housing estates like Dewsbury, about an underclass shorn of its last shreds of decency. Most 48

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of all, it confirmed that these bloody chavs are undeserving of precious middle-class sympathy.

In his account of the Matthews saga, Jones quotes rightwing columnist Carole Malone, who wrote at the time that Matthews, and people like her, “belonged to that sub class that now exists in the murkiest, darkest corners of this country”. According to Malone, they were “good-for-nothing scroungers who have no morals, no compassion, no sense of responsibility and who are incapable of feeling love or guilt”.

For Jones, the alacrity with which Matthews was accepted as emblematic of Britain’s underclass confirmed barely concealed class-hatred, as well as the corrosive ubiquity of the tabloid caricature, a one-size-fits-all folk devil rolled out to castigate the poor.

“

It’s a way to attack people for being poor

”

“That word, chav, gets applied to all sorts of people,” Jones says. “Whether it’s poor people who are seen to be anti-social or the white working-class who spend their money in supposedly tacky ways or teenage mothers.”

But Jones’s objection is not so much to the word itself, but to the way whole swathes of Britain’s working-class are stigmatised. It is, Jones argues, unfair and unrepresentative.

“There’s a working-class majority who have nothing to do with that caricature,” he says. “These days, the working-class are the ones working at call centres and the supermarkets, but they’re airbrushed from the picture.

“There’s this false idea that we’re all middle-class now, except for the underclass, except for the socially excluded.”

Photos: BBC/HBO; Getty; YouTube/ITV1

Clockwise: Vicky Pollard; guests on Jeremy Kyle; Owen Jones; a grim council estate

Certainly, chavs – the whole rogues’ gallery of benefitdependent teenage mums, young men in tacky clothes, feral kids on sink estates – seem to be fair game. Perhaps the most vivid standard-bearer, Britain’s favourite chav, is Vicky Pollard, the barely literate, shellsuit-wearing juvenile delinquent from BBC comedy Little Britain.

Vicky Pollard is, of course, not real. She is played by Matt Lucas, a well-educated, middle-class white man. Vicky Pollard, Jones says, is the new blackface, one of the last socially acceptable prejudices dolled up as satire.

“I don’t think it’s harmless,” Jones says. “It starts to be used for political purposes because people come to think that this is really what working-class people are like.

“I think racism is in a category of its own because of the violence that can go along with it, but when you have these privileged comedians dressing up as a white working-class girl, mocking that caricature, I think there are parallels [with blackface]. But those other prejudices, whether it’s racism or homophobia, have rightly become unacceptable.

“Jeremy Kyle is another example – it decreases sympathy for those living in poverty. It leads an audience to conclude that they’re responsible for their own fate, that they’re on the bottom because they deserve to be on the bottom.”

Jones argues that, for the middle-class, the appeal of the chav caricature is self-serving, self-affirming.

“It’s got a lot to do with inequality,” he says. “Everyone who is comfortably middle-class likes to think they’ve made it because of their hard work and intelligence.

“People don’t like to think that the odds are stacked in their favour. And, equally, it’s easier to think that those who haven’t made it are lazy, that it’s all their own fault.” » What do you mean when you call someone a chav? Is it bad news? Is it tantamount to racism? Is it a way to attack people for being poor? Let us know what you think about this by sending a letter to letters@tntmagazine.com

Movin’ up: Ashley and Cheryl Cole

WHAT MAKES A CHAV? IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY The criterion, instead, seems to be a delicate fusion of background, behaviour, taste and appearance.

Take, for example, Cheryl Cole, the ‘nation’s sweetheart’. Even though she no longer struggles to pay the bills, or qualifies as literally working-class, her Geordie roots, dodgy barbed-wire tattoo and an almostforgotten assault on a nightclub bathroom attendant means she remains, in the eyes of many, a chav.

Some insist the word is an acronym, for Council House Associated Vermin, but it more likely has its roots in a Romany word, chavi, meaning child and the Geordie slang charvo, meaning a rough kid.

Other countries have their equivalents, of course; their broad-brush pejoratives for their underclass. In Australia, there are bogans, while the US has its white trash. In Ireland, they have skangas; up in Scotland, they have schemies; in the Netherlands, they have tokkies.

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Heading home: Petero Civoniceva

BACK TO BRISSIE RUGBY LEAGUE

Veteran prop Petero Civoniceva has been released from the final year of his contract at Penrith to allow him to return to the Brisbane Broncos, where he started his career.

Civoniceva played 215 games for the Broncos before signing with Penrith in 2008 and denied he had fallen out with Phil Gould, the club’s new general manager of football.

“There hasn’t been any contributing factors to me going other than it’s a decision purely based on me wanting to take my family home,” Civoniceva said.

“I had to make some decisions based around my family, I’ve got a young family and that opportunity to go home and finish my career in front of my family and friends up in Brisbane was something I wanted to do.”

TEST ROOKIES NAMED CRICKET

The Australian squad that will play three Tests against Sri Lanka, beginning later this month, includes four uncapped players as the side begins to rebuild after a dispiriting few months.

Shaun Marsh, Trent Copeland, James Pattinson and Nathan Lyon will all be hoping to make their Test debuts when they travel with the 15-man squad, which raised questions about Australia’s contract structure. Copeland and Lyon, for example, did not receive central contracts earlier this year, whereas Steve Smith, who was left out of the squad, was signed up on the back of his limited-overs ability.

“It seems as though the door is open for everyone in first-class cricket, oneday cricket, and Twenty20 cricket to play Test cricket – if that makes any sense,” Cameron White – who was picked for the limited-overs part of the tour but not the Tests – said of the selection of uncontracted players.

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A star is born: swimmer James Magnussen last week became Australia’s newest sporting hero when he won the 100m freestyle at the World Championships in Shanghai. Magnussen, 20, will be a raging medal fancy at next year’s London Olympics and probably even at the ones in Rio de Janeiro in 2016.

LOVETT EYES RETURN AUSTRALIA RULES

AFL chief executive Andrew Demetriou has welcomed former Essendon player Andrew Lovett’s intention to try to revive his football career after he was acquitted of rape.

The 28-year-old still has to find an AFL club willing to recruit him, having been discarded by two clubs, then spending two seasons out of the AFL. “Andrew Lovett is entitled to nominate for the draft, there’s no obstacle in his way and I would encourage him to nominate if that’s what he wants to do,” Demetriou told reporters.

“His desire is pretty clear, that he would like to play AFL football again and if a club is willing to take him, then he’ll be welcomed back into the competition.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

England rugby coach Martin Johnson will begin fine-tuning his side’s preparation for the World Cup when the Red Rose hosts Wales at Twickenham.

Johnson remains a revered figure in English rugby, having captained England to their 2003 World Cup win, but has inspired less confidence as the manager.

A good start to the season is needed to keep the doubters at bay.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I guess that 46.9 by Cesar is starting to look very human. It’s a real goal of mine James Magnussen, Australia’s new 100m freestyle champion, targets the world record swum in a banned super-suit

Shimmy: Adam Ashley-Cooper in 2010

PREVIEW First hit-out for this year’s Bledisloe Cup NEW ZEALAND V AUSTRALIA

SATURDAY 8AM, SKY SPORTS 2 Australia will be hoping to reproduce the stirring victory they registered over New Zealand the last time they played, rather than revisiting the defeat that came in their previous 10 showdowns with the All Blacks.

With South Africa fielding a weakened squad for this year’s Tri-Nations, the head-to-head battle between the TransTasman rivals assumes even greater significance. There’s been a lot of talk about this tournament, coming just a

month before the World Cup, being a bit Mickey Mouse but there’s still a Bledisloe Cup on the line and it’s hard to imagine a better preparation for the Australians than beating New Zealand.

Both sides are likely to experiment, though, with the All Blacks fine-tuning their breakdown and counter-rucking tactics while also tweaking the pecking order of back-up players. Australia, meanwhile, will be keen to test out their forwards against the might of the All Blacks, and it will be a real litmus test for the maturity of Robbie Deans’ squad, as any lapses will be punished.

THE CHAT | WENGER OPENS HIS WALLET

Do you lock yourself up in a cage 24/7?

I’m sure other people would like me to but I’m a human being NRL star Jarryd Hayne has a whinge after getting in a scrape during a night out in Sydney’s King’s Cross

Subconsciously, they will be thinking that the guy who is supposed to be managing is not on their level Former Chelsea defender Marcel Desailly says manager Andre Villas-Boas must manage the egos in the dressing room

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger finally Q Has decided to start spending some serious money on players? sure looks that way. Last week brought the news that A ItValencia winger Juan Mata is heading to the Emirates for a reported £19m. There’s also speculation that Everton defender Phil Jagielka is next on the shopping list, with Arsenal set to offer the Toffees about £15m. Given the amounts spent by the other big clubs in the Premier League, it’s amazing to think that both these deals would break Arsenal’s previous transfer record, which was the £12m they outlaid on Andrey Arshavin in 2009.

Gunners fans will welcome the expenditure and will be hoping it persuades Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri to stay put.

England v India Day four of the second Test Monday 10.30am, Sky Sports 1

AUSTRALIAN RULES St Kilda v Fremantle Two sides battling for a finals berth Friday, 10.30am, ESPN

FOOTBALL Man United v Man City On the way: Juan Mata

The Community Shield grudge match Sunday 2.15pm, Sky Sports 1

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

Fan-tastic: it’s all about the World Cup for rugby supporters in 2011

Never mind the Tri-Nations: here comes the World Cup No one will remember the mini-tournament at the end of the year

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It seemed swimming records would never be broken again after the bodysuit allowed competitors to shave entire seconds off their times.

Since the controversial floatation device – which put some excitement into a ‘sport’ that’s previously most entertaining aspect was deciding which of the female athletes was actually a real woman – was banned, no one had managed to break a record.

But then up stepped Lochte. No one’s quite sure how to pronounce his name (Locked? Losht?) but the American did manage to nick ten-hundredths of a second off the best ever 200 metres medley time en

“

Blink and you missed it … most of us did

”

route to beating Olympic champ Michael Phelps. Blink and you missed it. And most of us did – but not because we blinked, because it just wasn’t that interesting.

Swimming was so much more fun when Phelps was smoking bongs and macking it with Stephanie Rice. Let’s hope he regains his winning touch in time for London 2012.

Photos: Getty

Oh, the moaning from the Australasian rugby fraternity about the cheek of the Springboks in dispatching a depleted team, missing 21 injured front-line players, for the NZ-Australian legs of the Tri-Nations. The competition’s been labelled the ‘Don’t Try Nations’ by some scribes; a ‘waste of time’ by others. But such criticism of the South Africans is a little hypocritical. In 2011, all rugby nations are wearing their poker faces, desperate not to reveal their hands too early in the biggest game of their lives.

When the Super 15 finally drew to a close, the Wallabies played Samoa the next weekend. They fielded a weakened team in order to give some of their champion Queensland Reds a well-deserved break, and paid the price with a hideous loss. But that price also included an honest assessment of the guys that were on the field.

Robbie Deans is still fishing in a shallow pond. Or so it appears. He may just be bluffing.

The All Blacks, too, have rested front-line players – against Fiji and then against the B-grade Boks on the weekend just past. Some players just need time out of the game.

And others need time in the game. Coach Graham Henry continues to shuffle his deck.

In 2011, it’s naive to even try to persuade anyone that the World Cup is not the most important goal. No one will remember the Tri-Nations come October when the triumphant captain hods aloft the Webb Ellis Trophy.

And fans would much rather see full-strength teams compete in NZ later this year. If South African players need rest in order to achieve this, so be it. If Australia needs to try to build a little more depth, so be it. If the All Blacks want to experiment a bit – well they’ll just need to be careful after the disaster of 2007’s controversial ‘rotational policy’.

Think of the 2011 Tri-Nations as a lower-grade poker tournament with the big league players trying out a few new ideas before they re-enter the main event. They’ll want to win it but won’t be prepared to lose their stack to do so.

The stack is being saved for October 23, when the winner takes all.

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On the home straight The Olympics are in sight but Britain’s reigning 400m champion Christine Ohuruogo isn’t looking that far ahead WORDS TOM STURROCK It was the race of her life, but Christine Ohuruogu, a lifelong Londoner, barely remembers it. Instead, her recollection of the 400m at the Beijing Olympics – in which she surged to Britain’s only track and field gold medal of those Games – is muddled by the footage she’s watched countless times since.

“I don’t really remember too much of it,” she says. “What I remember is almost in film form, because I’ve watched the race so many times. That’s almost super-imposed itself over my memories. I remember coming in at 200m and that’s about it, to be honest.”

As the reigning Olympic champion, Ohuruogu, 27, might be expected to be brimming with aggressive confidence, to be bullish about her chances next year. Instead, she is cautious, having been hamstrung by injuries since she galloped to gold in Beijing.

“My season started a little bit later than expected but sometimes that’s how the game is played. I’ve just been trying to take a step forward each week and hopefully I can keep doing that,” Ohuruogu says.

“I hope I’m a better athlete now, but I haven’t really been able to show it because I’ve been injured. Every year you get older and wider but I hope that comes with wisdom and a maturity to how train and compete. It’s a matter of lessons learned, I suppose.”

Apparently, one of the lessons learned is about not looking too far ahead. While the British public might feel the final corner has been rounded, with the Olympics now less than 12 months away, athletes’ workloads are ramping up and there’s a lot to be crammed in between now and next year’s opening ceremony.

“It’s still a bit far ahead, but it’s great to have it in the background,” Ohuruogu says, insisting her focus is, for now, trained on this weekend’s Aviva Grand Prix meeting at Crystal Palace, which will perhaps offer a glimpse of events in London 12 months down the track.

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“It’s great to be competing in London,” she adds. “But we’re here every year with the Diamond League circuit so the most important thing to is get the spectators along and get them following our sport and wanting to come and support us. Hopefully we can put on a show and it’ll be great for those who come along.”

Of course, before they can get all misty-eyed and patriotic about the Olympics, the world’s athletes have the World Championships to navigate. Beginning in Daegu, South Korea, at the end of the month, the championships in

“

It’s great for me to be competing in London

”

the year before a Games can have seismic implications.

Competitors considered hot favourites can be exposed as also-rans and bolters can emerge as new benchmarks.

“The World Championships is just as big as the Olympics – you’ve got more or less the same people competing,” Ohuruogu says. “And, as athletes, we learn to just take it week by week. So much can change between now and next year, so we just focus on the job at hand – that’s about doing well leading up to and during the World Championships.

“Everything’s important. For me, it’s about regaining the fitness and the confidence and getting my race plan right.

Hopefully I’m starting to tick a lot of those boxes.”

In some disciplines, the World Championships before a Games may be a decent predictor for the Olympics – in the field events, particularly, where a pole vaulter or shot putter can establish clear superiority – but on the track, it’s still

Christine Ohuruogo won gold in Beijing and (right) celebrated in her hometown, London

Photos: Getty

about who is quicker when it counts. “Anything can happen on the day – that’s the beauty of sport,” Ohuruogu says.

“Some people get it spot-on on the day and some people don’t. You can never quite predict it.”

Ohuruogu has been a world champion before – she won gold four years ago in Osaka, but was unable to defend her title in 2009 in Berlin because of injury. The woman who usurped her, Sanya Richards of the US, was the prerace favourite in Beijing, eventually beaten into bronze. It is tempting, therefore, to frame the 400m, in both Daegu this month and London next year, as a showdown between Ohuruogu and Richards, the last two world champions.

But, as Ohuruogu points out, that analysis would be superficial, for there are other challengers waiting in the wings. The 400m is, after all, an event that, traditionally, has been hotly contested.

“There are many others,” she insists. “Amantle Montsho has won most of the Diamond League races, while Allyson Felix has won the other one or two. There are loads there – it’s always been that kind of event, without anyone dominating too much.”

All the members of Team GB will be ‘at home’ next year but Ohuruogu will be truly competing on her turf, having grown up in east London, just a few miles from the Olympic Stadium in Stratford. “My family still lives in the house where I grew up and I’ve just moved nearby. I’ve been in London all my life. It’s crazy, isn’t it?” she says. “I’ll just be proud to compete in London, where I was born. I’ll just be happy to be there.”

Hopefully, this time around, whatever happens, she’ll be able to remember the race after it’s run and won. » Christine Ohuruogu will be competing at the Aviva London Grand Prix on the 5-6 August at Crystal Palace. For more information on the Aviva Series visit uka.org.uk/aviva-series or call 08000 556 056.

A famous run: Freeman in 2000

NO EXTRA PRESSURE JUST ASK CATHY FREEMAN When Christine Ohuruogu lines up in the 400m at her home Olympics next year, she will do well to remember Cathy Freeman’s performance more than a decade earlier, when, despite being burdened by the expectations of an entire nation, she won gold.

Freeman had won the silver medal four years earlier in Atlanta, beaten into second by the legendary Frenchwoman Marie-José Pérec. But in 1999, Freeman began to eclipse Pérec and went unbeaten on her way to winning gold at the World Championships.

Freeman hopes received a welcome, albeit bizarre boost at Sydney 2000, when Peréc fled the country, claiming she had been harassed by the Australian media.

All that was left was for Freeman to deliver on the night. And, with the field neck-and-neck at the last turn, Freeman accelerated down the straight, away from the pack and into the annals of Australian sporting history.

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INDIAN DWARF ARTISTS Ashok and Vinay, dressed as Potharaju, the brother of Hindu Goddess of power, Mahakali, perform during the 11-day festival of ‘Bonalu’, a ritual offering to the goddess in Hyderabad, India.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

INSIDE

ACTIVITY BREAKS /60

NUDIST BEACHES /70

US ADVENTURE /76

Bored of fly-and-flop holidays? Shape up and get a blast of endorphins on these hairraising trips.

Free yourself from the fetters of fashion and get an all-over tan on a nudist beach – you’ll also save on airline luggage costs.

A road trip from Sin City through the desert plains of the south west to the Grand Canyon throws up some mind-blowing experiences.

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TRAVELDIARY Janine Kelso

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Burning Man: go for ‘smart casual’

NOTE FROM TRAVEL EDITOR

UK HOLS NOT TO BE SNIFFED AT Last week, I joined VisitEngland at its annual summer party, where we celebrated all things quinessentially English – scones smothered in clotted cream and jam; Pimm’s and lemonade and locally made cheeses. The event made me feel lucky to live in Blighty, where we have such a wealth of attractions and yummy food.

According to VisitEngland, people who live in the UK are holidaying at home more than ever with domestic overnight stays up five per cent in the first quarter of 2011.

At TNT, we’ve championed the delights of the UK for a long time - that’s why our travel section always dedicates space to domestic trips.

This week, we’ve highlighted Britain’s best high-octane activities which are guaranteed to get you fighting fit, all of which are sited just two hours from London.

Being passionate about adventure sports and always keen to try out something new, I went to Bedford a few months ago to get my monthly dose of thrills and spills.

To the uninitiated, the market town might seem humdrum but it’s actually home to the Bodyflight Centre, which boasts an indoor skydiving wind tunnel, a surf simulator and a zip wire.

I’ve glided along zip wires in Costa Rica and St Lucia, but this was the steepest one I’ve ever been on. It might not have the rainforest views, but what it lacked in scenery, it more than made up for on the fear scale.

Next week, we’re continuing with our exhilerating sports theme by running a feature on learning parkour, which one of our brave writers got to grips with in Eastbourne. Don’t miss it!

Happy travels!

A life-size Spanish galleon sails across the cracked desert earth; naked women in body-paint cycle past; the tantalisingly named Pink Pussy 29-5 bar is serving free drinks if you can find something to barter with; a giant wooden figure is in flames. This could only be Burning Man festival.

AUG/ SEP

WHERE: In the middle of the inhospitable Nevada desert, a self-sufficient city arises.

WHY: In 1986 a small group on a San Francisco beach burned the effigy of a man.

Today, more than 48,000 gather to cast off the inhibitions of normal society.

DO IT BECAUSE: The creativity and passion

FULL MOON PARTY Koh Phangan, Thailand

Yes, they’re a cliche, but it’s still something you need to 14 tick off your list, even if just to say, “It was full of tossers”. The beachfront of Haad Rin is lined with sound systems and, in high season, up to 20,000 glowstick-waving partiers.

AUG

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burningman.com

GANESH CHATURTHI Maharashtra and Goa, India SEPT

1

A boisterous celebration for Ganesha, the elephantheaded god of wisdom.

incredibleindia.org

BRAEMAR GATHERING Braemar, Scotland

fullmoon.phangan.info

WAVEFORM FESTIVAL Taunton Racecourse, UK

SEPT

3

Kilt-wearing Scots compete in traditional Highland sports, bagpipes play.

braemargathering.org

It’s an electro festival so you can dance all night, but 2-4 spend the day recouping with organic food and healing therapies. Waveform is all about being green and features talks, workshops and solar-powered showers.

SEPT

waveformfestival.com

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that go into building temples, sculptures, “art cars” and costumes will restore your faith in humanity. Nothing is for sale and everyone expected to participate by bartering, helping or, at least, wearing a costume.

HOW MUCH: $210 (£128)

BUENOS AIRES TANGO FESTIVAL

Maharashtra and Goa, India AUG

12-30

Watch the pros or take a class and join in. turismo.gov.ar

Photos: Getty

Looking for a travel guide? Head to tntmagazine.com/travel where we’ve got more than 150 online

BURNING MAN Black Rock Desert, Nevada

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FIRST-EVER DIRECT FLIGHTS TO VIETNAM

New route: Vietnam

Photos: Thinkstock

Vietnam Airlines has launched non-stop flights between the UK and Vietnam for the first time.

Starting on December 8, the airline will run twice-weekly departures to Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon). Ho Chi Minh City is famed for the Cu Chi war tunnels, which were used by Viet Cong guerrillas as a hiding place during the Vietnam War. Hanoi is known as the “city of lakes”, many of which have floating restaurants.

The city is also home to more than 600 temples and pagodas. Return fares start at £817. See vietnamair.co.uk

TRAVELLERS ENJOY MORE SEX ON HOLIDAY

RYANAIR LAUNCHES ROUTE TO GERMANY

HANG OFF A CLIFF FACE IN CANADA

A third of travellers are having more sex on their holidays than they enjoy back home, according to a Kuoni survey. A total of 12 per cent of holidaymakers are hoping to get lucky when they go abroad, with 17 per cent admitting to having sex on the beach and 12 per cent in the sea, while three per cent attempt to join the Mile High Club by getting kinky on a plane. Sixty-six per cent of men demand a bonk in an unusual place, compared to 58 per cent of women.

Ryanair is introducing a new flight from London Stansted to Leipzig in Germany. The route will operate five times a week from November 2.

Set in north-west Saxony, Leipzig is a cultural centre that’s home to one of Europe’s oldest coffee houses – Zum Arabischen Coffe Baum – where past diners have included Bach, Goethe and Napoleon. Fares will lead in at £27.99 one-way and flights are available to book before midnight on August 3. See ryanair.com

Vancouver’s Capilano Suspension Bridge has launched a heart-stopping Cliffwalk experience in which visitors can traverse a walkway jutting out from a granite cliff face. The vertigo-inducing 130-metre-route is 91 metres above the ground and passes through temperate rainforest with views of the Capilano River below, enhanced by glass-bottom lookout points. The experience enables visitors to see previously unexplored areas of the park. See capbridge.com

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Floating on air: indoor skydiving

WHERE TO SLEEP

Activity breaks

White-water rafting: On a budget? Sleep at the Lee Valley YHA Hostel, in Cheshunt.

From £20pppn in a shared dorm (yha.org.uk).

UK

Canyoning: Crash in bunkhouse accommodation at Celtic Camping, in the Brecon Beacons. From £8pppn (celtic-camping.co.uk).

On the run: husky racing

High-octane: coasteering

Coasteering: Preseli Venture's eco-lodge offers ski-chalet-style accommodation in the heart of the Pembrokeshire Coast National Park. From £39pppn, including a cooked Welsh breakfast (preseliventure.co.uk).

Husky racing: Arctic Quest boasts accommodation in traditional Sami Tipis which come complete with campfires, hides, furs and beds for a cosy night’s kip.

From £20pppn, sharing a five to 10-person tipi (arcticquest.co.uk).

Paddle surfing: Pitch up a tent at Wicks Farm Holiday Park in West Wittering.

Horse riding and cycle hire nearby.

From £17pn for one tent sleeping up to four (wicksfarm.co.uk).

Ride the rapids: white-water rafting 60

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Indoor skydiving: Fancy some luxury? Stay at the four-star Bedford Swan Hotel, which has a whirlpool bath for guests. B&B from £69 per double room (bedfordswanhotel.co.uk).

UKTRIP

Fit for travel Bored of fly-and-flop holidays? Shape up and get a blast of endorphins on these hair-raising trips WORDS JANINE KELSO

Is your life lacking thrills? Then prepare for some serious high-octane fun with one of these adrenalin holidays. Not only are they all sited just a few hours from London, but they're all calorie burners, so you can expect to be a bit more body-licious after the experience.

keep you safe and protect you from the elements.

THE DAMAGE: £235pp for a two-day Wicked Liquid Coasteering break, including two nights' accommodation, all meals from Friday dinner, until Sunday lunch, two half-day sessions and a half-day hike.

BOOK IT: preseliventure.co.uk

WHITE-WATER RAFTING, Hertfordshire

HUSKY RACING, Gloucestershire WHERE: Lee Valley Park, Waltham Cross WHY GO? Brave the nerve-jangling rapids before the world’s top athletes do at the UK’s newest Olympic-standard whitewater venue. The centre is the only London 2012 venue the public can use ahead of the Games. Expect 300-metre of obstacles, grade-four rapids and plenty of high-siding, spinning and nose dunking at what Lee Valley claims is “the best artificial white-water course in the world”. Open from August 6 until October 16, 2011.

THE DAMAGE: £49pp for a half-day.

BOOK IT: leevalleypark.org.uk

WHERE: Croft Farm, Tewkesbury WHY GO? Forget Alaska and experience the excitement of dogsledding in England. You will be trained to run a team of raring-to-go huskies on an all-terrain mountain scooter. Then you'll race against the clock in an adrenalin-pumped time trial that will have you speeding around dedicated trails in a high-octane adventure.

THE DAMAGE: £65pp for two hours.

BOOK IT: arcticquest.co.uk

PADDLE SURFING, West Sussex CANYONING, Wales WHERE: Brecon Beacons WHY GO? Imagine white-water rafting without the raft and you’ve some idea what to expect from canyoning. Not for the faint of heart or the unfit, this demanding sport involves sliding along rapids, speeding down fast-flowing chutes and jumping off waterfalls. The picture-pretty Brecon Beacons is the perfect spot to try the sport.

THE DAMAGE: £39pp for three hours.

BOOK IT: celtic-events.co.uk

WHERE: West Wittering Beach, Chichester WHY GO? Get to grips with the latest wave-catching craze, stand-up paddle surfing (SUP). It was popular in the 1960s with the beach boys of Hawaii and now Jennifer Aniston is a fan. West Wittering is the an ideal location for the sport as it offers flat water at low tide, which is great for beginners, and waves at high tide, suitable for more advanced SUPers.

THE DAMAGE: £48pp for two hours.

BOOK IT: x-train.co.uk

INDOOR SKYDIVING, Hertfordshire

Photos: Bodyflight Centre

COASTEERING, Wales WHERE: Pembrokeshire WHY GO? Swim in caves, scramble across rocks and fling yourself off steep sea cliffs into swirling ocean waves in Pembrokeshire’s wild and rugged coast, during an endorphin-blasting sport session known as coasteering.

The sport originated when early climbing pioneers traversed rocky sea cliffs, but now it’s available to everyone. You’ll be kitted out with wetsuits, flotation jackets and helmets to

WHERE: Bodyflight Centre, Bedford WHY GO? This is the world’s largest indoor skydiving wind tunnel. Great for anyone who has always fancied skydiving, but is too chicken to NEXT WEEK hurl themselves out of a plane.

Limber up for THE DAMAGE: A lesson, which a parkour lesson includes two flights, is £39.99pp. in Eastbourne BOOK IT: bodyflight.co.uk ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LATEDEALS

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DEAL OF THE WEEK

Victoria Falls: 10-day tour of Zambia, Botswana and Namibia is £512 with Gap Adventures

TURKEY A seven-day Aegean Explorer tour is £399 (save £100) with On The Go (020 7371 1113; onthegotours.com). Includes Istanbul, Gallipoli, the Aegean Coast and Pamukkale’s beautiful cascading mineral pools. Departs Aug 20.

£399

< £250

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EGYPT A nine-day King Tutankhamen tour is £279 (save £70) with On The Go (020 7371 1113; onthegotours.com).

Includes ancient Thebes, the Pyramids, Nile felucca cruising and the Valley of the Kings. Departs Aug 13.

SCOTLAND A three-day Edinburgh Festival and Tattoo tour is £279 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co.uk).

Includes a Tattoo ticket, train travel, two nights’ B&B accommodation and transfers. Departs Aug 5 and 12.

SPAIN Seven nights in Fuerteventura is £385 with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and accommodation. Departs Sep 7.

USA Return flights to Boston are £399 with STA Travel (0871 230 8552; statravel.co.uk). Available to travellers under 26. Valid for travel from Oct 24 until Dec 16. Book by Aug 31.

> £500 AFRICA OVERLANDING A 13-day Kenya & Tanzania Adventure is £500 (was £625) with Acacia Africa (020 7706 4700; acacia-africa.com). Includes a Masai village visit, the Serengeti and Ngorongoro Crater. Excludes local payment of £598. Departs Aug 21.

ZAMBIA, BOTSWANA & NAMIBIA A 10-day Delta and Falls Experience tour is £512 (was £639) with Gap Adventures (0844 272 2040; gapadventures.com).

Visit Victoria Falls, the Kalahari Desert and Chobe National Park. Includes transport and accommodation in bush camps and hotels. Departs Sep 3.

NEW ZEALAND A seven-day Ultimate Winter Adventure tour is £666 (save £118) with Contiki (0845 0750990; contiki.com/ nzski). Includes Christchurch, Fox Glacier, Franz Josef, Hokitika and more. Departs Aug 14.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

ING HOPPgato CLUB 27/0 r 8 – Navi WEEK Split Return Cruise • Hvar – Nautica Bar & Carpe Diem Beach

• Trstenik – Mutiny Boat Party & Hidden Beach

• Dubrovnik – Slims Cocktail Mixer

• Mljet NP – Captains Party @ The Dock

• Korcula – Dos Locos Street Party

• Makarska – Departures Hall @ Club Deep

• Split – Farewell Drinks @ Paradiso

7 Days from £489 (Split Return Cruise on a Standard Boat)

Other Event Dates: 24.09: Endless Summer Week 01.10: Rocktober Fest

See our website for details:

www.sail-croatia.com

Photos: Thinkstock

HOLLAND & BELGIUM A threeday tour of Amsterdam and Bruges is £209 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co. uk). Includes coach travel, ferry crossings, two nights’ B&B accommodation, a trip to a cheese and clog factory, a sightseeing tour of Amsterdam and half a day in Bruges.

Departs Aug 5.

HUNGARY Three nights in Budapest is £189 with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs Sep 6.

EGYPT A nine-day Egypt Express tour is £164 (was £205) with Topdeck (0845 257 5212; topdeck. travel). Includes B&B accommodation and four meals. Excludes flights and US$135 (£85) local payment. Departs Aug 6.

FRANCE A three-day tour of Paris is £229 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co. uk). Includes Eurostar travel, transfers, two nights’ B&B accommodation and a guided sightseeing tour of the city.

Departs Aug 5.

ROMANIA A two-night break in Bucharest is £205 with Untravelled Paths (0871 662 9521; untravelledpaths.com). Includes boutique hotel accommodation and more. Excludes flights. Valid in Aug.

£250 – £500

London Liverpool Street to Amsterdam from £39 all in Rail & Sail www.stenaline.co.uk or 08445 762 762

This is a day sailing price, and needs to be booked at least 14 days in advance. Compulsory cabins required for overnight sailings. Subject to availability. Terms & conditions apply.

TNT Language School sponsored by

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DON’T MISS OUT Learn The Lingo courses, part of TNT’s Language School, are ideal for beginners or those who’d like to brush up on the basics

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h s i l g n E h c TeCaombine travel & work

Language School

e s r u o C L F E T e iv s n e t In d n e k Wee Perfect for readers looking to: ‹ Combine travel and work ‹ Teach during their gap year ‹ Have a career change ‹ Work part-time with flexible hours

} There are many job opportunities worldwide to teach English to children, teenagers or adults.

} You could be in Eastern Europe, Italy, Spain, Costa Rica or Japan teaching English in a classroom, privately one-to-one, or even online.

DATE 20-21 Aug, 2011 TIME 9am - 6pm VENUE Holland Park YHA Holland House, Holland Walk Kensington | W8 7QU High St Kensington or Holland Park

* Teaching English as a Foreign Language

For further info or to book your place see:

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HOTSHOTS

LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Shooting wide SPORT You don’t have to have the best seat in the house to get a great shot during any type of sports performance.

Sometimes it is better to get a different perspective on a situation. Shooting wide can also capture atmosphere in a way tight cropping cannot. In

sport photography, the common perception is to zoom in to get as much action as possible into one tight frame. In some cases, this isn’t possible: perhaps you are too close to your subject or you don’t have the right equipment.

The trick is to be creative so that your subject doesn’t become a tiny dot in the frame.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER FLOWER Karlmarx Rajangam, Oxford, UK

WHY IT WORKS The angle on this image is compressed and provides a distorted perspective. To take an image like this I would suggest a wideangle lens, a great piece of equipment that will give you a much broader field of view. The closer the object – in this case the wall – is to the lens, the bigger it will appear, compared to what it looks like in the distance.

RUNNER-UP JUXTAPOSITION OF GOOD AND EVIL Jana P, Melbourne, Aus

WHY IT WORKS The negative space and the size of the matador and bull gives us the illusion of a safe and tranquil situation. Being shot from up high has provided a distinctive bird’s-eye view, setting the stage to a grand old tradition. An image like this can be tricky to light as half is in the shade and the other half is exposed to the sunlight, but turning your flash on can help with getting the light more even and achieving the correct exposure.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

LEARNING HOLIDAYS

CHECKING IN

1

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PAINTING IN TUSCANY, ITALY

Remote location

LA ERA DE LA TIA OVERVIEW Set in a titchy village called Campillo de Ranas, which means “Field of Frogs”, a 90minute drive from Madrid, this family run guesthouse is made of slate, a common feature of the architecture of the region, known as “architectura negra”.

WOW FACTOR Surrounded by oak forests, this isolated retreat is the ideal place to chill out. The family that runs the place is super-friendly and can’t do enough for us. We gorge on a gourmet three-course dinner for a mere £14, including wine and beer. We then spend the evening in the hotel’s pretty garden with a bottle of red wine gazing up at the star-studded sky and listening to the sound of the croaking frogs and toads.

There’s also a cosy lounge area with comfortable sofas, a TV and a choice of board-games, books and dvds.

ROOMS Rustic bedrooms are decked out with dark wood furniture, while bathrooms are stylish.

BILL PLEASE From £48pppn, including breakfast.

La Era de la Tia Donata, C/Camino de Robleluengo, Campillo de Ranas, Spain. laeradelatiadonata.com

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Explore your artistic side in the rolling hills of rural Tuscany, a region of Italy that creative masterminds such as Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci called home. Whether you want to learn painting, drawing or sculpture, there are a raft of classes to suit you.

Art Toscana (art-toscana.com), near the small town of Barga, offers one- to two-week art holidays in a spacious, rustic farmhouse, set amid 23 acres of the Garfagnana Nature Reserve.

Combine art and sightseeing with the walking and sketching course, which includes five-hour daily strolls through the little-known landscape where students can develop their observational skills through drawing. A one-week art course costs from £760pp, including room, meals and classes.

Between art classes, you may crave a bit of city life. A must-see is the region’s capital, Florence, famed for its Renaissance architecture. Climb to the top of the Campanile, or bell tower, where you’ll be treated to stunning views of city and the surrounding area – well worth the 414-step climb.

Florence is also a great place to continue your learning holiday, as the city boasts a raft of cooking classes where students can learn to make scrumptious Italian dishes, such as homemade pasta.

The Good Tastes of Tuscany Cooking Classes (tuscany-cooking-class.com) offers one-day courses for beginners from £122pp. Italian chefs will instruct students on how to make a satisfying Italian meal, from appetisers to dessert, including the art of making pasta fresca. You’ll also be taught how to create ravioli, tagliettli and gnocchi, as well as tasty sauces such as fresh basil pesto, in a hands-on culinary adventure.

Also within easy reach of Art Toscana is Lucca, a 35-minute train ride from Barga. Lucca is a maze of narrow streets leading out onto grand piazzas. The town oozes atmosphere, with architecture that ranges from sumptuous Renaissance to curvaceous Romanesque styles. discovertuscany.com

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TANGO IN GRANADA, SPAIN

Master the art of tango, a seductive and dramatic dance, in the beautiful Spanish city of Granada, which boasts an intimate and friendly dance scene.

Club Dance Holidays offers week-long tango holidays for dancers of all levels, including 10 hours of classes and two evening Milongas where you can show off your moves with the locals.

A seven-day holiday costs from £579pp, including classes and accommodation. danceholidays.com

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

4

LEARNING HOLIDAYS

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COOKING IN OAXACA, MEXICO

Forget nachos and burritos, Mexico’s gastronomy capital is famed for much more complex and delicate dishes. Learn to cook traditional and contemporary Mexican cuisine at El Teatro Culinario Restaurant, which runs cooking classes from Mon-Sat. A one-day course costs from £40pp, and includes a visit to the neighbouring market, ingredients, a full recipe for the dishes you will prepare plus wine and beer. elteatroculinario.com

3

TOP FIVE

YOGA IN RISHIKESH, INDIA

Take a well-earned break from a hectic work schedule by finding inner peace in the yoga capital of the world. Many of Rishikesh’s ashrams cater for dedicated yogis, but there are classes for beginners at Yoga Niketan Ashram, which boasts a stunning mountain setting. Courses last from two weeks to one month. There are also daily classes for visitors. Single rooms cost from £6 to £12pn. yoganiketanashram.org

5

CAPOEIRA IN SALVADOR, BRAZIL

Get fighting fit while getting to grips with capoeira, an art form which combines martial arts, dance and music. The moves originated from African slaves working on the plantations in Bahia, where the colonial, coastal party town of Salvador is situated. A week-long Capoeira Experience holiday costs from £797pp with Journey Latin America, including B&B accommodation, airport transfers and four capoeira classes.

NEXT WEEK Top five: The best holiday islands explored

journeylatinamerica.co.uk

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TRAVELTIPS

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Magical Prague: wrap up warm in winter

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READERS’ TIPS TOUR BY BIKE TIP A great way to explore OF THE a new city is to hire a WEEK bike. Many cities have introduced cycle schemes recently, including Toronto, Canada; Tel Aviv, Israel; Milan, Italy; and Tirana, Albania.

I never forget to take my running shoes on holiday with me so that I can tour the city while jogging. I always stumble across some interesting sights and it makes me feel like a local.

Paul, via email

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

going to Majorca in September for Q I’m a few nights. Where do you recommend going to chill and party? Tim, via email have timed your trip well as the A You weather should still be warm but not

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plenty to see and do there so what would you would recommend, given we will only be there for the weekend?

Jane, via email is magical in winter. Be warned, A Prague though, temperatures plummet to well below freezing.

There are a few sights I would recommend you build your weekend trip around and then explore the rest as you go along.

Prague is such a beautiful city to get lost in; you will find so many gems just exploring the Stare Mesto (Old Town) on foot. Head to the bustling Old Town Square and soak up the atmosphere, then take time to stroll around the surrounding lanes and over the famous Charles Bridge, which was built in 1357 and is one of the city’s must-see sights.

Allow at least a few hours to explore Prague Castle – the climb to the fortress itself is an enjoyable activity.

If you want to escape from the cold, the National Museum can help you while away a couple of hours. For some culture, visit the Franz Kafka museum (kafkamuseum.cz), which explores the life of one of the leading literary figures of the 20th century, including the writer’s diaries and manuscripts.

For something different, Bunkr Parukarka (parukarka.eu) is a disused nuclear bunker converted into one of Europe’s most unusual bars.

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Photos: Thinkstock

unbearably hot, and if you can happen upon one or two closing parties in Palma, there should be a great atmosphere.

As you only have a few nights, base yourself in Palma and then explore the surrounding area from here. Take time to wander the narrow lanes of old Palma and stroll along the waterfront.

The Bay of Palma is home to a whole host of resorts, including Magaluf, Palma Nova, S’Arenal and C’an Pastilla, so there should be at least one that takes your fancy – depending what scene you are looking for. Platja de C’an Pastilla is a great stretch of beach if you are into windsurfing and kiteboarding. The area also has a picturesque marina and a surfeit of restaurants and bars in its backstreets.

Conversely, Puro Beach (purobeach.com) is an uber-chic beach club in the middle of Palma Bay with evening DJ sessions and Sunday brunch. It’s a great place to lounge around as guests can enjoy outdoor massages.

For culture, check out Fundacio Pilar i Joan Miro (miro.palmademallorca.es), a huge art foundation that showcases the work of the Spanish painter and sculptor. If you choose to explore a little further; Port de Soller (half an hour away by car) is a nice seaside port for a day trip.

boyfriend and I are going to Prague Q My in November. I have been told there is

KEEPING IT REAL Tourism hotspots and eateries are all well and good, but you should always take the opportunity to dine with a friendly local, or simply visit their home, if you’re lucky enough to get invited.

You’ll get to taste authentic cuisine and see how they really live. You might not want to go by yourself – and obviously stay safe – but even dropping in for a cup of tea and a spliff can be a great eye-opener into how people from another country roll. For every trip you go on, take along a few presents from back home to hand out as thank-you gifts to your hosts.

Lena, via email

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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PORTARA GATE, NAXOS, GREECE Samantha Stone, Melbourne, Australia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

ANNIKA LUUKAINEN, 21

RICHARD BURTON, 26

Helsinki, Finland

Norfolk, UK

BEST This March, I went to New York city with my family and thought the art was wonderful – I visited both the Met and the Guggenheim. I also loved the food. We went to Chinatown for dinner one night. We dined in a restaurant which was full of Chinese people; it was so exotic and was the best food I’ve ever eaten.

WORST I got lost in London once when I was supposed to be meeting a professor. I was freaking out and crying and, in the end, I had to take a cab and was an hour late.

Luckily, the professor felt bad for me and was sympathetic.

Your most memorable travel experience?

Seeing the medieval frescos and chapels in Padua, Italy. It was unbelievable.

Scariest travel experience?

Hitching for 24 hours from the south of France to Paris and getting so tired, wet and cold I fell asleep at a service station.

Dream travel companion?

Richard Burton – the explorer, not the actor.

He was a Victorian adventurer who knew 20 languages and translated Arabian Nights into English. Supposedly, I’m related to him.

» Tell us your best/worst trips Email janine.kelso@tntmagazine.com

Photos: TNT; Thinkstock

SPLASHING OUT

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THE INSIDER

DAN PÖHLMANN, Tour manager Anderson Tours

The best part of my job is meeting people from all over the world. I’ve started collecting nationalities!

My most challenging travel experience was accidentally driving very large vehicles on narrow mountain roads, in both Cyprus and Monaco.

My favourite places in the world are Malta, Los Angeles and Kiruna in Lapland.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Benin for Voodoo Day and Azerbaijan for Eurovision.

My top travel tip is that “when in Rome”, leave your preconceptions at home and go with the local customs.

I always pack tickets, money and my passport. Everything else is replaceable en route.

My guilty travel pleasure is to try to buy and order things using the local lingo – even when I end up sounding like an idiot!

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69

Sopelana SPAIN

GETTING THERE Fly to Bilbao with easyJet (easyjet.com) or Vueling (vueling. com). Return flights from £72.

Sopalana is a 10-minute drive from Bilbao. Hire a car with Avis (avis.co.uk) from £97 for three days, or take the metro from Bilbao to Sopelana (35 minutes)

At one with nature: naked on the beach 70

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SOPELANA BILBAO

MADRID

SPAIN

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Grin & bare it Free yourself from the fetters of fashion and get an all-over tan on a nudist beach – you'll also save on airline luggage costs WORDS JANINE KELSO

Strolling along a mountain path to a beach, my boyfriend and I are faced with an eye-popping scene. “Everyone's naked!" I shriek, as I cop an eyeful of exposed bottoms and bosoms baking in the sun. “So they are, “smiles my boyfriend, spying a trio of raven-haired twenty-something girls slathering sun cream on to their nude bods. So, what to do? The shining waves are surf-perfect, the sand soft and silky, the vibe is chilled and there's no chance of bumping into our neighbours. But as naturist novices, do we dare do the Full Monty?

I'd never fancied a 'nakation' and if we hadn't stumbled across Barinatxe nudist beach, in Sopelana, while on a surf safari of Spain's rugged northern coast, I never would have sought one out. After all, aren't nudist beaches full of wrinkly grannies and gawping perverts?

I'd always imagined them to be packed with a throng of people I wouldn't want to see naked. But, while there are a few oldies here, there are plenty of buff young dudes and pretty girls, too. We find a secluded spot on the grass by the cliffs and quickly shed our clothes. Like removing a plaster, I decide that it'll be a lot less painful if I peel off my bikini as fast as possible.

I arrange my towel carefully to minimise the chance of sand getting where it shouldn't and start applying suncream, wishing I'd brought another bottle: I'm going to need more than I was expecting. At least it will be a good opportunity to toast those lily-white bits that never see daylight.

Peaceful Barinatxe beach, untouched by mass tourism and sheltered by craggy cliffs, is a 752-metre-long dreamscape, frequented mostly by locals – as such, it's blissfully free of the crowds of Brits you'll find in the sun-baked south. It's also the setting for an annual 5000km nude race, which takes place every July to promote naturism. The beach is just

“

No genitals are waved in my face, thankfully

”

a 10-minute drive from Bilbao – famed for its dazzling arklike Guggenheim Museum, a shiny titanium creation, and its atmospheric Old Town, chocka with pintxos (Basque tapas) bars.

When it comes to bare beaches, Spain was one of Europe’s late starters, introducing its first one in 1979. But according to nudists' bible, The World Guide to Bare Beaches, Spain is “now amongst the most enthusiastic and progressive

Bilbao: clothes required

Letting it all hang out: nude race advocates of the bare beach lifestyle”.

Even in a nation as prudish as the UK, stripping off now seems to be the activity du jour. Hip models such as Daisy Lowe and Lily Cole have posed starkers in recent years and events like the Naked Bike Ride held in Brighton and London amass much media attention and are hugely popular with people that appear to have been just desperate to strip off in public.

With this in mind, I start to feel less self-conscious about being naked; until my boyfriend announces he's off for a surf (with a wetsuit on, I might add). ››

Lily Cole gets her kit off … again

Alone and unclothed, I suddenly feel vulnerable. But once I notice that no one’s staring at me (should I be offended that they’re not?) I relax and read my book.

If you fear – or hope – this nudist beach is a hotbed of debauchery, think again. There are no orgies, copulating or naked exhibitionism – no genitals are being waved in my face, thankfully.

Among the bathers are families with children and, in many ways, it's just an ordinary beach with ordinary bathers, sans swimwear. True naturists like to be at one with nature, not be exhibitionists. There is one couple in their fifties, however, who spend the day parading up and down the beach – are they exercising or are they flouting their bits?

I can't help but stare at everyone, as I'm not used to seeing such a sea of genitalia. The longer I sit here pretending to read my book, the more I learn about male and female anatomy.

By the end of the day, being naked feels normal and it almost feels like a chore to get dressed again. But at least I get to go home with the perfect no-strap-marks tan. ❚

Fun and free: the bare beach lifestyle

OUR PICK NEXT WEEK Delve into Budapest's Xxxxxxxx labyrinth of caves, sited beneath the heart of the city

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Traditional Xxxxxx [Place] Basque xxxxxxxx cider house Arriaga Asador in Bilbao's historic centre offers tasty charcoal-grilled meat and fish. Specialties include sirloin steak and cod. Tasty starters include octopus or chorizo. Diners can help themselves to cider using a special tap set in huge barrels on the wall (asadorarriaga.com).

The swish Xxxxxx [Place] La Deliciosa, xxxxxxxx in Bilbao’s Old Town, serves up top-notch dishes such as steak, risotto and sea bass for reasonable prices. The design is super-cool, all exposed brickwork and naked lightbulbs. Wash down your meal with a locally produced velvety red, such as Ribera del Queiles. (ladeliciosa.net).

If you favour Xxxxxx [Place] Michelin-star-worthy xxxxxxxx cuisine, eat at La Mina, where you'll be treated to a nine-course tasting menu with pretty views of the river. (restaurantemina.es).

SLEEP

If you like Xxxxxx [Place] beingxxxxxxxx close to nature, stay at Camping Sopelana, which offers camping and bungalow accommodation, within spitting distance of the beach. £52pn for a bungalow for up to two people, while camping costs £6pp (campingsopelana.com).

Set in Bilbao's Xxxxxx [Place]atmospheric xxxxxxxx Old town, the recently-opened Ganbara Hostel has a colourful and hip design and is within easy reach of the city's bars and restaurants, and just a train ride away from the beach.

A bed in a dorm costs from £15pp. (ganbarahostel.com).

Follow in Xxxxxx [Place] the footsteps xxxxxxxxof Gwyneth Paltrow, Lenny Kravitz, and the Dalai Lama and crash at Bilbao's five-star Lopez de Haro Hotel. Frank Gehry even drew his first sketches of the Guggenheim Museum in one of the hotel rooms. Double rooms from £70pn. (epoquehotels.com).

DRINK

Bilbao is[Place] Xxxxxx the place xxxxxxxx to head for a bar crawl. Begin your night with a beer and a plate or two of pintxos from its huge selection at neighbourhood favourite, Bar Juantxu (39 Calle Licenciado Poza, 48011).

Famed for Xxxxxx [Place] its scrumptious xxxxxxxx pintxos and violet ice-cream, the classy Victor Montes Bar can be found in La Plaza Nueva in the Casco Viejo. (victormontesbilbao.com).

The maritime-themed Xxxxxx [Place] xxxxxxxx Galeon-CafeBar, in Alameda Mazarredo, is decked out to resemble the interior of a ship, complete with a mermaid. Arrive after midnight to dance the night away with likeminded party animals. (galeonbilbao.com)

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Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

72

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Welsh wonder This is Cardiff in 48 hours WORDS JANINE KELSO

DAY 1: 10:00 Begin your weekend with a splash by taking on the raging white-water rapids that can be found in the heart of the city in the recently spruced-up Cardiff Bay area, Europe's largest waterfront development. Cardiff International White Water (ciww.com) offers thrillseekers the chance to go rafting (£50pp for a two-hour session) or tackle the rapids on a "hydrospeed" float, similar to a bodyboard (£55pp for three hours). If you're on the hunt for a new white water challenge, grab a mate and enjoy a bumpy ride in a hot-dog, a two-person inflatable kayak (from £50pp for two hours).

12:30 Chow down on contemporary, locally sourced food at Ffresh Bar & Restaurant (wmc.org.uk), which affords sweeping views over Cardiff Bay. Meals are £14.95 for two courses or £17.95 for three. Dishes have a Welsh-tastic flavour: think Welsh goats' cheese souffle for starter, Welsh lamb shoulder for main and Welsh cheese for dessert.

13:30 Tour Millennium Stadium (millenniumstadium. com), a venue that has helped place Cardiff firmly on the world's sporting map since it was built in 1999. As well as hosting the Rugby World Cup and the FA Cup finals, bigname acts such as Madonna, the Rolling Stones, U2, Oasis and Take That have performed at the 74,000-seater stadium.

Visitors can mooch about the changing rooms and explore the Royal Box. Tours last for 60-75 minutes and cost £7.50pp.

Book by visiting the above website.

14:45 Break for a cup of chai at the award-winning Waterloo Gardens Teahouse (waterlootea.com), which boasts more than 50 loose-leaf teas, coffees made with 74

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freshly roasted beans and legendary cakes: think ginger and pear, parsnip and orange, or chocolate and beetroot.

The teahouse also offers a mouth-watering afternoon tea for £11.50pp, including fresh cakes, scones and finger sandwiches, gloriously presented on a three-tier cake stand.

15:15 Sprawling out into the city centre is the 2000-yearold Cardiff Castle (cardiffcastle.com), which is worth pottering around. The interior drips in Victorian bling, with rooms lavishly festooned with marble, polished wood and chandeliers. Tickets are £11pp.

16:00 A must for art lovers is a rove around the National Museum Cardiff (museumwales.ac.uk), which possesses the finest collections of impressionist paintings outside Paris, including works by Renoir, Monet and Cezanne, bequeathed to the gallery by two minted Welsh spinsters, the Davies sisters.

19:00 Awash with bars and restaurants is the city's vibrant waterfront Mermaid Quay (mermaidquay.co.uk), in Cardiff Bay. Get your camera ready to pap the Wales Millennium Centre (wmc.org.uk), the beetle-shaped slate, iron and glass performing arts centre. Its futuristic-style exterior provided the backdrop for scenes in Doctor Who. 21:00 'Cwtch' is Welsh for 'cosy', a word that suits this drinking hole well. With its huge sofas, welcoming fireplace and pieces of local art, Cwtch Bar (jolyons.co.uk) is a great spot for lounging, while sipping on cocktails or wine.

22:00 Chill out to jazz at Cafe Jazz (cafejazzcardiff.com).

There's live music every night of the week, including a jam session on Monday nights and blues on Fridays.

Photos: James O. Davies, Thinkstock

Enchanting: Cardiff Castle and, left, Millennium Stadium

DAY 2: 10:00 Drop into the world's oldest record store Spillers Records (spillersrecords.co.uk), opened in 1874.

11:00 Within 15 minutes of Cardiff city centre is Llanerch Vineyard (llanerch-vineyard.co.uk), which produces award-winning Welsh wines. Set in the picturesque Vale of Glamorgan, Llanerch offers woodland and lake walks, and wine tasting. It has a cooking school and a top-notch restaurant in which to grab lunch.

14:00 Hire a bike and explore the wild Welsh countryside by following part of the Taff Trail (tafftrail.org.uk), which begins at Cardiff Bay and ends at Brecon, 88km away.

19:00 Back in the city, get stuck into traditional Welsh tucker at Cegin y Ddraig (ceginyddraig.co.uk), sited opposite the city's fairytale castle.

21:00 From the outside, The Waterguard (Harbour Drive, Cardiff Bay. 029 2049 9034) looks like a cross between a castle and an office block, but the sign outside confirms: "Yes, it is a pub". This small independent brewery has a warren of cubbyholes and squishy sofas in which to get comfy, while supping on ales and lagers, and soaking up views of the bay.

23:00 Swing by legendary venue Clwb Ifor Bach (clwb. net), better known as Welsh Club, where three floors offer the choice between DJs and live music.

Arts venue: Wales Millennium Centre

Travel with First Great Western firstgreatwestern.co.uk from Paddington to Cardiff Centre (2h7mins) from ÂŁ77 return or National Express nationalexpress.com from Victoria to Cardiff (3h20mins) from ÂŁ11 return. For city info visitcardiff.com

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75

Monumental: gape at the giant rocks in Monument Valley

Nevada & Arizona UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

U.S.A

Las Vegas

Grand Canyon

76

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GETTING THERE Fly direct from London to Las Vegas with Virgin Atlantic (virgin-atlantic.com). Flights cost from ÂŁ699 return, including taxes

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BIGTRIP

Wild at heart A road trip from Sin City through the desert plains of the south west and to the Grand Canyon delivers some diverse experiences WORDS REBECCA KENT

WHEN TO GO: Xxxxxx Crowds flock to the south westXxxxxx during spring It almost defies belief, as we hover in CURRENCY: Aron Ralston cut off his arm after becoming (Mar-June), summer (June-Sep) and trapped by a boulder, as documented in the a helicopter over the neon-lit Las Vegas ACCOMMODATION: Xxxxxx fall (Sep-Dec) strip, that a beam of light directed skywards film 127 Hours.

SEE: Xxxxxx when the weather is mostly pleasant. Keep in mind that from the pyramid-shaped Luxor casino can The canyon's sweeping walls swirl the Grand Canyon North Rim closes with a rainbow of earthy hues, dwarfing be seen from space. The giant laser, like a from late October to mid May each stairway to heaven, joins the Great Barrier rafting groups that appear as colourful year. Las Vegas never sleeps.

Reef and The Great Wall of China as wonders specks below. I could marvel all day, but my on the Earth’s surface that can be seen from American adventure promised cowboys and CURRENCY: US Dollar the stars. The most bizarre thing is that it horses and I'm off to find them.

1 GBP = 1.63 USD emanates from a colossal temple dedicated Paria Canyon Ranch (pariacampground.

ACCOMMODATION: to high-rolling and hedonistic fervor, where com) sticks out like a raw hind along a A double room at the Alexis Park surrendering to your vices is a given. The desolate stretch of Route 89 in the south of Resort (alexsipark.com) in Las helicopter flight is just a taste of what's to Utah. We are greeted by a tall, broad man Vegas costs $55 (£33.64) and come, a dangling carrot at the end of with a bushy grey beard that shrouds a warm it's $119 (£73) at the Red Feather a four-day, 1600km odyssey from Nevada's smile. His substantial paunch bursts over a Lodge (redfeatherlodge.com), Sin City to the windy wastelands of statement belt-buckle and his white cowboy near the Grand Canyon.

Monument Valley and the Grand Canyon, via hat completes the look. He is the handyman SEE: an Indian reservation and a cowboy ranch. about the ranch and, as I discover, he makes visitlasvegas.co.uk "Come in for breaststroke and not just mean work of a T-bone on a four-burner. and nps.gov for swimmers," beseeches a billboard that is As my group and I survey the dusty typical of Las Vegas’ tawdriness. It shrinks out of sight as the campground and shallow foothills of the Grand Canyon burnished surfaces of Las Vegas fade into the distance as we around us, we are beckoned on to the back of a truck drive under Nevada's hot sun, along miles of vast desert. by ranch owner Eastan Tully. He rip-roars us, doors wide I watch as swathes of nothingness, broken intermittently open, Bon Jovi blasting, the few yards to the stables. At his by low-lying mountains whizzing by, contemplating that insistence, I jump-roll through the saloon-style doors, lost for the word 'big' really is a byword for America. There are the a moment in what could be a scene from a Western movie. It sandy plains straddling endlessly long roads as well as the hurts a little, but ‘stirrup’ I tell myself. A chance to come this mountains with giant letters etched into the side: ‘F’ for close to an American cliché is rare.

Fredonia, ‘H’ for Hurricane. You’ll never get lost.

Eastan is a rogue cowboy. He's like a flirtatious ranch kid Then there are the titan-sized dams. The Glen Canyon that revels in attention. His cowboy hat shading his weatherDam marks our entry into Arizona. A colossal convex beaten face, he thrusts his pelvis back and forth, back and concrete wall, rising 216 metres out of Lake Powell, it is a forth, for longer than necessary, demonstrating how to ride feat of human engineering. a horse. "You gotta ride with your hips," he instructs in his Built during the decade from 1956, the dam, wedged into southern drawl. the Glen Canyon, took 17 years to fill and now supplies water Saddled up, we circumnavigate large rocky mounds and electricity to millions of people. However, they don’t all through an arid wilderness, petite desert flowers dancing in appreciate it. The site has been the subject of bomb plots the breeze and tumbleweed blowing by. There's a decrepit from environmentalists for many years. But, politics aside, its hut where Mormon horse-owners used to stay to feed their size and surroundings are sights to behold. wandering herds. It seems they moved on a long time ago.

The dam interrupts the Glen Canyon, a jewel in the crown After watching the sun, a perfect orb, melt into the of the 2300km mighty Colorado River, and where climber horizon, it's time to quit horsing around and move on to ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

77

Razzle dazzle: the bright lights of the strip in Las Vegas our next adventure. Where there are cowboys there are Indians – and we discover them 236km further south along Route 89 at Monument Valley. It’s a spellbinding 3218-sq-km desert valley characterised by giant red sandstone structures known as 'buttes' and 'mesas'.

On the approach, through the 'Painted Desert' – a landscape of pastel pinks, browns and streaks of brilliant vermilion – a white population gives way to that of a darker skin. We are in Navajo Nation, the largest area of land in the US owned by American natives. Indian markets and traditional dwellings called hogans dot the approach to the sacred site.

Some Navajos still reside in hogans. The modern version is a six-sided log hut that has a smoke hole in the centre of the roof with a doorway facing east to receive the blessing of the day's first rays of sun.

Susie, a feeble 96-year-old Navajo matriarch to seven generations, invites us into her home. Dressed in traditional garb, she painstakingly demonstrates how to make a rug from raw wool, her face contorting into a squinted smile for photos.

In return, she asks for $2 (60p) from each of us. It's a good way to earn a living – unemployment is rife among Navajos.

For the rest of the day, we're chauffeured around the valley by a Navajo guide, taking in ancient ruins, petroglyphs and 1000-metre-high rock formations that, if you squint and tilt your head, resemble all manner of animal life.

At twilight, we retire to the foot of what looks like an elephant, for a hearty Navajo taco. Then, by the eerie light of a campfire, we gather to listen to the ancient stories told by a heavily decorated, dancing Navajo Indian. It's only now I can begin to appreciate this is a culture built around the elements of the Earth and fascinating mythology.

We're on our way again – it's finally time to meet the Grand 78

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Canyon – the Grand snow-covered Canyon, that is – and in spring! We detour off Route 89, south of Page, to take in Horse Shoe Bend, one of Mother Nature's little tricks in a world of sandstone and slick rock.

It's a horseshoe-shaped meander of the Colorado River and worth the hot, hilly trudge through thick sand for what is an unmissable photo opportunity.

Back in the canyon; it's clear Mother Nature has had a field day. The woodlands on the south rim are festooned with

Scenic: foothills on horseback

fluffy, falling snow and, as we undulate, it disappears and reappears again – a thick fog offers brief moments of reprieve.

As we stop, hoping to clap eyes on this fabled natural wonder, there is nothing but a disappointing heavy, hazy mist that fills a vast abyss. Luckily, it lifts momentarily to reveal the most spectacular scene I have ever seen; the Grand Canyon is so big, it's almost as though it goes on forever.

Despite the fact it's snowing and the area is prone to blizzard conditions, I decide to delve into it – it's likely a oncein-a-lifetime opportunity I don't want to miss.

A 2.9km return route from the South Kaibab Trailhead takes us into the shallow depths of the canyon to a vertiginous viewing spot called Ooh Ahh Point, 2029m above the Colorado River. There were ‘ooh aahs’ aplenty as we take in the glorious vista before us.

However, no sooner have our appreciative noises faded, the peaceful landscape is shattered by our screams as we're encompassed by an icy blizzard. We make a run for it, back uphill. Back in the safety of our vehicle, I feel as though I have truly earned my stripes in the south-west American wilderness.

Now, Vegas, a Disneyland for the rampant and the reckless, is calling. En route, we stop in Seligman, a town on the old Route 66. It's cluttered with decorated, clapped-out cars and

The Insider's guide Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx

The good life: Rachel laps it up

The Insider's guide

“

In the Grand Canyon, Mother Nature has clearly had a field day

”

trucks, roadside cafes and all the tat, kitsch and memorabilia you'd expect to see along the mythologised Mother Road. No visit here is complete without visiting Delgadillo's Snow Cap, a comedy cafe, where the door handle is on the hinge side, guests get fake mustard squirted in their faces, and, if you ask for a small drink, you'll get one the size of your fingernail.

At last, we're on our way to Vegas. The very idea of this Sin City – a land of hotels, casinos and shopping centres in the middle of the Nevada desert also seems like a joke. I have just 20 hours to make the most – and that's exactly what ››

Trek America tour leader, Rachel Frampton reveals the highlights of a typical trip through the south west.

"It's 5am and I wake up in my favourite place in the world – Monument Valley, Utah. A few years ago the Navajo-run campground on the rim was bulldozed in favour of a large hotel. I was devastated and still wanted my group to experience the sunrises that I had been lucky to witness many times.

"We set up in the primitive campground, which remains open right on the rim with a fantastic view of the valley without having to leave your tent. I can see the triangular green points of the seven tents we had set up on a ledge below the rim last night, the outline of the monuments and the sky behind them changing from midnight blue to orange to daylight as the sun rises right behind the left and right 'mitten'. My group let out gasps of amazement and click their cameras endlessly.

"By the afternoon we are flying high above the Grand Canyon, witnessing one the most amazing examples of the forces of nature on the planet, at 445km (277miles) long and more than a mile deep, the Grand Canyon can only be described as awesome.

"After a short hike and pizza on the rim of the canyon we watch the sunset, then head to our wooded campsite for an evening of storytelling, toasting marshmallows and reliving the day around a campfire.

"I have been leading this group for ten days and this is our last night together in the outdoors before we head to the bright lights of Las Vegas. I can tell that they have had the time of their lives. Two passengers had never camped before until this trip. Now, after nine nights in a tent, they are pros, fully confident in every aspect from choosing their site (the flatter the better!) to leaving their scented belongings in the trailer so as not to attract an unwanted visit by a curious bear.

"They have learned how to operate a propane stove for tea and toasted bagels in the morning, and how not to be fazed by the occasional coyote howling or the scuffling of a creature outside their tent in the night. Now they are [Caption] experts, they are already talking about their next trip."

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

79

I intended to do. In true Hangover style, the bender's a blur.

But I remember it going something like this: drinking a smoky bacon martini in the Double Down Saloon – a dim and seedy little bar off the strip. Champagne. Piling into a limousine and tearing along the strip past the gondolas and canals of the Venetian hotel and the Bellagio Hotel’s musical fountains.

Champagne. Alighting in Downtown Vegas to witness the Fremont Street lights projection show, which brightens up this grimier part of the city every half an hour. Champagne.

Rubbing shoulders with Elvises under the 'Welcome to Las Vegas' sign and congratulating newlyweds. Champagne. Then the night culminates with excesses by the pool and waterfall at Tryst nightclub in the Wynn Hotel.

When morning breaks we jolt ourselves out of a haze with some indoor skydiving (vegasindoorskydiving.com). Despite every nerve in my body protesting, I'm propelled into the ceiling of a sealed chamber by a powerful blast of air.

It's not the most glamorous way to wrap up a trip to Vegas, but this is a place where everyone has seen it all anyway. And now, I have, too. ❚ Xxxxxx Kent travelled on Trek America's Las Vegas Mini Adventure.

Rebecca [Rail] [Address] Prices start from[web] £399 for[Station] four days land only, including accommodation (1 night camping + 1 night hogan + 1 night bunkhouse), three breakfasts, three lunches and two dinners, all internal transport by private adventure vehicle, a Navajo jeep tour and a tour leader. trekamerica.co.uk

Snowy: Route 66 under the snow

BEST OF THE REST LAS VEGAS HOTELS AND CASINOS BEST FOR ... WATERWORKS

Breathtaking: Ooh Aah Point

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BEST FOR ... THRILL-SEEKERS For an adrenaline rush away from the gambling tables, climb aboard the rollercoaster at New York New York. You'll get your thrills from towering drops and multiple loops while taking in stunning views of the strip.

Price: $14 (£8.60) See: newyorknewyork.com BEST FOR ... STARGAZERS The Palms hotel has teamed up with the Playboy Club to give revellers a sexy place to blow their money. Moon nightclub is a futuristic nightspot on the 53rd floor of Palms. The retractable roof peels open to reveal a truly celestial display if you can get your eyes off the beautiful staff.

Price: $20 (£12) See: palms.com 80

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Mother Nature's trickery: Horse Shoe Bend

NEXT WEEK Montenegro: Historic towns and national parks A Navajo matriarch

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; TNT

Head to the Bellagio hotel for a waterworks display, pictured, that shouldn't be missed. The dancing fountains sit in an eight-acre lake between the hotel and the strip, inspired by the Lake Como resort of Bellagio in Italy. Every 15 minutes it spurts to the rhythm of Broadway songs.

Price: Free See: bellagio.com

original adventures since 1972

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Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made.

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1 1 0 2 T S E F R E B O T OK

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egypt

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LA TOMATINA The world ’s biggest food fight! 31 AUG ■ Beach Camping Package £149 ■ City Centre Hostels/Hotels £179/£169 ■ Barcelona + La Tom Double £259 ■ La Tom-Ibiza Combo Tours fr£379 ■ Barcelona, Ibiza, La Tom Treble £449

MUNICH’S INCREDIBLE BEER FESTIVAL! 17 SEP-3 OCT ■ Weekend Camping £149 ■ Weekend Hostels fr£199 ■ Weekend Hotel fr£349 ■ Prague & Buda Fest 8 Day Tour £329 ■ London 6 Day Coach Tours fr£269 All weekend packages three nights Friday-Monday.

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GREEK ISLANDS GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER ■ 9 DAYS fr £399 ■ 11 DAYS fr £499

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PALIO SIENA ITALY’S CRAZY 350 YEAR OLD FESTIVAL ■ Hostel Package ■ Palio to Rome All-Italia ■ Palio-Tomatina Odyssey

15-18 AUG 15-24 AUG 15 AUG-1 SEP

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Come sailing before you head to Oktoberfest and enjoy some of Croatia’s best sunshine!

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FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE ■ Fulham FC v Aston Villa SAT 13 AUG 3pm ■ Coach Day Tours - Manchester Utd & Liverpool

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SKIFEST XMAS FLIGHT TOUR ■ Tignes 24-31 DEC All-inclusive £699 ■ Risoul 23-30 or 24-31 DEC All-inclusive £739 ✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ Flights & airport transfers

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WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS AUGUST BANK HOLIDAY TOURS 27-29 AUG

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DAY TRIPS

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CLASSIFIEDS To advertise call 020 7989 0567 or sales@tntmagazine.com

NANNIES | CARE | CHEFS/BAR/CATERING | TRADES | GENERAL JOBS | TAX | VISAS CARE WORK

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DESPERATELYSEEKING name/A natural voice is what you sold/You promised us heaven then left us cold/Chains of crack got a hold on thee/When drugs are a prison you can’t break free/Oooh!

You were a loaded gun, yeah Oooh!

There’s nowhere left to run/Now no one can save you/The damage is done. RIP Wino.

Help me find my glasses: I got a little carried away at the Chatsworth in Acton last Thursday night and came home without my Ray Bans. If you picked them up, please hand them over at the

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#438 Head to Jakarta for ‘electric railway therapy’ – seriously, people do it

bar. They’re gold-rimmed aviator style. Think Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Cheers all. Jonno.

Tampon-toting tigress from Tooting: No need to be embarrassed about spilling your lady things all over the Broadway.

Had you not been so flushed with red, you may have noticed I’m quite a good looking fella and was trying to flirt a little. Didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, so I didn’t come on too strong, but hey, how about a date? Email tamponsweeper@ gmail.com Goodbye Nai: Off to Poland you go to dig some stuff, you have told

DATING

If you’re looking for

love romance friendship... or just

122 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

me but I cant remember what now.

I will miss our £7 Thai dinners and glass of house, always hoping we don’t get sick. How about downing the vino in one go because it tastes like paint stripper! Try not to snore out there (I hope you’re not sharing a room with anyone), and remember to call home and shower.

I want to ride my bicycle: To my 25-year-old friend who is going to start to learn how to ride a bike, I think this will be the funniest thing I will ever witness. Your choice in teacher is a little worrying

for a start, and perhaps I should breathalyse you both before you begin. I agree that your parents had given up by the time you were born – the third of four children, but I am the fifth of five and mine had the time to teach me. Hmmm ...

Merribel, the beautiful bohemian chick at Secret Garden Party: I had one of the best nights of my life when I met you at the festival. I totally forgive you for singeing my arm hair with your flame sticks. You are one foxy flame-wielder. Anyway, it was a shame we both had to crawl into our own tents at daybreak

@tntmagazine

and I’m so gutted I lost you. I went back to the falafel stand to find you, as we’d discussed, and I stood there for ages. You never showed up. I think we had something special, so I’ll pass this off as miscommunication. You told me you live in Hammersmith so I thought a shout out in TNT was a good gambit. Hopefully you see this! Drop me a line here. Nathan, The Clown.

Don’t go Sam!: What the hell am I going to do for kicks when you’re gone? We’ve had too many mint times for you just to pack up and leave. Remember, I’ve got a dirty little secret on you. Put a foot wrong and it’s going on Facebook.

From Stinkfly A bed at Tomatina: Due to a friend bailing on La Tomatina this year, my friend and I have a spare bed in our Valencia hotel room for Tuesday and Wednesday, August 30 and 31. The hotel is between the beach and the town centre.

You’ll be paying roughly £50 for the two nights. My friend and I are travelling from Madrid in the morning and not 100 per cent sure of what time we’ll arrive in Valencia but it should be early to mid afternoon. We can all check in then. If you, or anyone you know would like to make two new friends (two 25-year old Aussie females), drop me an email at tomato_bed@ hotmail.com The air hostess on easyJet flight to Prague, Jul 15: Hot stockings, sexy dress, highly desirable make-up …that’s enough about me! Nah, you scrubbed up alright and I reckon there was a little something going on between us. You know who I am.

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Photos: Getyy

To my lovely Miss F: The thought of leaving you later this year is too much to bear, come back to Tassie with me and have lots of little babies. Cuddle Wuddles, Joel.

To our big sis, Aisha Jade: Wow sis, the time has come to say goodbye. We are going to miss you so much. It has been so awesome having you come over and live with us and be apart of our adventures.

Man, we have had some crazy times including Oktoberfest, Sail Croatia, house parties, the Walkie, the dirty Redback, The Church, and your old favourite pub, The Chaddy. Don’t forget our £1 pizzas and dirty chicken.

Yumbo! You will be taking home amazing memories with lots of killer photos and plenty of new friends on Facebook. The time has come for you to go home and have babies. You know how much we are hanging to be aunties so make us proud. Can’t wait ‘til our next amazing adventure – Vegas baby. Woohoo!!!! Love ya, sis. Your twinnies, A&G. x x x Apache chief, where are you?: What a night, drinking in your tipi, then you let me suck on your peace pipe – I think that’s what you called it. I still have the carpet burns from what happened next. Hope to see you soon. Little Squaw Whore .

Happy birthday Susie: Can’t wait to bust the Walkie right out with you this weekend. We might not end up in Vegas, or Bangkok, But those Hangover movies won’t have nuffin’ on us come Sunday.

Waaaahhooooo. Bexta.

An ode to Amy Winehouse: Shot to the vein and you’re to blame/Darlin’ you gave drugs a bad

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