TNT Magazine / Issue 1458

August 13-19 2011 Issue 1458 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A £1000 VIP NIGHT OUT AT NUMBER 4 CLUB

I STILL WANT MY MTV: Music channel celebrates 30 years

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS Underground revolution taking over the Tube

STREET LIFE Your guide to the city’s best walking tours

S K C I K R O F T JUS ur Learn Parko

ps UK e e w s e z a r c ee-running r f s a e n r u o in Eastb

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 085 0355 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER The commute to and from work is never an enjoyable experience, but one man is trying to make it a little more bearable. Turn to P24 and let us know whether you think there’s room for kindness on the Tube. Talking of going underground, are you brave enough to try caving? Flick to P72 to see how our writer got on in Hungary. And, if you’re a fan of James Franco – who isn’t? – see P32, where we quiz him on his new film. It’s a hard life!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON

12

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

18

LONDONSOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

LONDONFOCUS

24-26

COMPETITION

27+55

CHATROOM KATCHAFIRE LONDONSCENE

30-31

SPARE TIME

78

34

LIFESTYLE

37-45

SHOPPING

37

HEALTH & BEAUTY

38-39

CAREERS

40-41

MONEY

43

LIVING

44

NEWS & SPORT

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

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46-57

FEATURES IT’S OPEN SEASON

8

We snoop around parliament and reveal the best tours on offer in London

ONE OF A KIND

Meet the artist who’s trying to make the Underground a better place

TRAVEL

59

MONKEY BUSINESS

DIARY

60

NEWS

61

James Franco on his role in The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

UKTRIP

62

I (STILL) WANT MY MTV

LATE DEALS

64

HOTSHOTS

66

The influence of the music channel as it celebrates its 30th birthday

TOP FIVE

68-69

TIPS & STUFF

70-71

48 HOURS IN... VENICE

76-77

CLASSIFIEDS

110-121

DESPERATELY SEEKING

122

56

24

TIGHT AT THE TOP

32

50

56

Our take on the top six teams as the Premier League kicks off

THE FULL MONTE

78

Step back in time, and enjoy doughnuts for breakfast in Montenegro

32 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub-editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Travel Janine Kelso Entertainment Alison Grinter News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Rebecca Kent

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Feats of strength: it’s ballet with a difference

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Astrid Breacker Design and production executives Justine Mackay | Laura Doyle Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair | Sandra Parr Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing & Events Manager Caroline Boyd Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Finance director Nick Crampton Accounts Margaret Roberts

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A night at the ballet probably isn’t your standard Saturday-night fare, but this is a performance unlike any other. The outline of the story is still the same – a prince falls in love with a swan – but this troupe of Chinese acrobats enacts a retelling that has more in common with Cirque du Soleil than Swan Lake’s Russian composers could have imagined.

This is ballet that incorporates flaming hoops, tightrope-walking and jujitsu. Some of the balancing acts and feats of strength are so remarkable you’ll forget it’s even ballet.

PRESENTS SWAN LAKE

£10

August 9-14 London Coliseum, St Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4ES

eno.org

Charing Cross

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LONDON WRITERS’ CAFE

ARCHWAY MARKET

EMPIRE PRESENTS BIG SCREEN

Budding writers meet at this oldfashioned east London pub twice each month to share their scribblings and get feedback from each other.

Finally, there’s somewhere for you to read your angsty love poetry where people won’t laugh. Email londonwriterscafe@gmail. com to apply for one of the reading slots.

Check out one of London’s lesserknown, but no less eclectic, local markets, which has attracted a loyal following because it sells stuff you can’t buy easily elsewhere.

There are knick-knacks and books but it’s all about the food. Try some Caribbean curries you won’t find on the high street, as well as Argentinian lomito sarnies.

The capital’s film buffs will be easing themselves off their sofas to attend this celluloid celebration. Watch classics, including Apocalypse Now and Clerks, as well as a marathon of every Pixar film and short ever made. There are also workshops with industry pros to help you fine-tune your home videos.

Until December 8 Shooting Star, 125-129 Middlesex St, E1 7JF Liverpool Street

Thurs & Sat, until September 24 Archway Market, Holloway Rd, N19 4DJ archwaymarket.org Archway

August 12-14 The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX empirebigscreen.com North Greenwich

£2

FREE

£10

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Big ideas: Martin Honert‘s Riesen (Giants) sculpture

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME New sculpture

If you like the idea of sculpture but find it all a bit inaccessible, then this exhibition at the world-class Saatchi Gallery is the perfect way in. It’s a mix of different eras and styles, classically beautiful pieces and contemporary ones using recycled materials appearing alongside one another.

Even for the uninitiated, it’s a collection that demonstrates sculpture’s power to arrest and baffle in equal measure.

FREE

Until October 16 Saatchi Gallery, Duke of York’s HQ, King’s Rd, SW3 4SQ co.uk Sloane Square

VELO VENTURE

HOMELANZ

Grab your camera, jump on a bike – you can borrow one of Boris’s – and do a circuit of east London’s coolest cafes, parks, shops, street art and the various nooks and crannies along the way. The whole route lasts about three hours, taking in Brick Lane, London Fields, Dalston and Old Street.

A great way to rediscover east London.

A festival of food and music from Down Under, headlined by Sneaky Sound System, down near Kew Gardens. There’s some great wine-tasting, whether you like a Kiwi sav blanc or a more full-bodied red from the Barossa valley, as well as some outstanding travel tips for those of you planning your next big overseas adventure.

Until September 30 Toynbee Studios, 38 Commercial St, E1 6AB facebook.com/ VeloVenture Aldgate East

August 13 Boston Manor Park, Boston Manor Road, TW8 9JJ homelanz.co.uk Boston Manor

FREE

Photos: TNT; The Saatchi Gallery

saatchi-gallery.

£45

LONDONNEWS

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RICKSHAW DRIVERS AT WAR WITH CABBIES Rickshaw and taxi drivers are at loggerheads. Cabbies have accused their rivals of being a menace on the roads, while rickshaw operators say taxis are deliberately driving too close to them.

Westminster Council is considering a code of conduct as it prepares for the number of pedicab drivers to swell to cope with Olympics demands. There are currently 600 in the West End. Councillor Lee Rowley, cabinet member for parking and transportation, said: “We want to support the vibrancy of the West End, in which pedicabs can play their part but in safe fashion.”

It has been withdrawn from public viewing Clarendon Fine Art gallery owners say sorry after the display of a painting by late British artist Robert Lenkiewicz, which depicts him having sex with a goat, causes offence

ALL ABOARD FOR FREE WIFI ACROSS CAPITAL Free wifi access will be available on London buses from next year, while Virgin Media aims to unveil a blanket network across the capital.

Passengers will be able to connect to the web or use apps while travelling, according to the London mayor’s office.

Virgin is taking a “punt” costing millions on a free network with speeds of 0.5Mps or 10Mps in the “not too distant future”.

ON THE TUBE

Crowds: next year’s event clashes with 2012 Games

Notting Hill ‘mega-carnival’

Rio delegation to help boost next year’s event for Olympics crowd Next year’s Notting Hill Carnival will partner with Rio de Janiero to create a ‘mega-carnival’ for Olympics crowds.

The London event will see numbers soar from one million to 5.5 million, as it clashes with the 2012 Games.

A delegation from Brazil, the host of the 2016 Olympics and the football World Cup in 2014, will attend the event on August 28-29 to establish a partnership.

This year’s carnival has been “earmarked as a trial for 2012” and will have additional grandstands and new crowd management plans in place.

Notting Hill Carnival co-director Chris Boothman said the event had been hit by funding cuts, but added: “Despite some setbacks we are determined to provide a fantastic spectacle this year, and we’re

looking forward to 2012, which could be the most successful carnival ever. ”London’s Carnival 2012 will feed off the Olympic Games. So naturally we want to encourage collaborations with different countries, particularly those with a carnival heritage.”

Ahead of the event, 97 people have been arrested as part of Operation Razorback – a ‘pre-emptive’ crackdown on potential troublemakers.

Eighty-eight of those were for drugs offences, and all detained have been warned not to attend the carnival.

Chief Inspector Chris Allmey, from the Met’s territorial support group, said the operation was “aimed at ensuring those who set out with the sole intention of causing trouble at the carnival will not succeed”.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

DISTRICT AND CIRCLE: Upgrade works to improve service reliability are set to take place on one of the oldest sections.

It means the District and Circle lines will be suspended between High Street Kensington and Edgware Road until August 23. This weekend, works will be expanded to the entire Circle line, while, on the District line, Earl’s Court will also be closed

PICCADILLY: No service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Cockfosters on Saturday or Sunday 6

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Campaign: Knight, in blue

Photos: TNT; Getty

HAMMERSMITH AND CITY: No service between Baker Street and Hammersmith on Saturday or Sunday

A fundraiser who has lived in a cramped sea container for the past two weeks walks free today (Monday).

Phil Knight, 27, sealed himself in the metal box to highlight the suffering of human trafficking victims.

The Everyday Project involved Knight, from Waltham Forest, living in solitary confinement in the three-metre by 2.5-metre container between Euston Station and the A40.

He lived on water and breakfast cereal – and organisers said the hot weather made it tough going.

Knight will donate cash raised to the Helen Bamber Foundation. His time inside was caught on a 24-hour webcam at justenoughfortherealworld.com. Knight said: “It’s nothing compare to what people who are trafficked go through.”

Elegant: Parliament exemplifies the finest Victorian architecture

It's open season In summer, while the politicians are holidaying in the Cotswolds, parliament throws its door open to the public WORDS TOM STURROCK When the new session of parliament opens each year, it is accompanied by a peculiar rite involving the royal messenger. The messenger must approach the doors of parliament, whereupon they are slammed in the messenger’s face.

The effrontery is supposed to illustrate the independence of parliament, dating back to a time when monarchs were inclined to throw their weight around and politicians were obliged to mark their territory.

This is just one of the anecdotes unearthed during a tour to parliament, or the Palace of Westminster, its full name. Parliament has opened its doors for its summer tours, ensuring the ancient paving stones of Westminster Hall will be brimming with tourists until the end of September.

"The Palace of Westminster has been the home to the UK's parliament for 450 years and before that the home of the royal family," tours manager Matt Morgan says. "Its walls house 1000 years of history that have helped shape the nation and parliaments and democracy the world over.

"The tours follow the route taken 8

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by the Queen on the annual opening of parliament from the ornate Lords chamber to the sombre Commons chamber and concluding in the 900year-old Westminster Hall."

The hall is the oldest building on the Westminster estate, dating back to the 11th century. Its central role in the history of the UK is underlined by the list of men sentenced to death between its walls, William Wallace and Guy Fawkes among them. It is, truly, the seat of centuries-old power.

The rest of parliament was built more recently, after a kitchen fire burned down both houses of parliament in 1834. The Palace of Westminster, as it now stands, was designed to represent the finest Victorian craftsmanship.

The result, visible from the outside but best viewed from beneath the high, airy ceilings and soaring archways, is extraordinary. Each room, each corridor is ornately decorated with mosaics and stained-glass windows.

Augustus Pugin, the man who styled the palace’s interior, is regarded as one of the genius designers of his age. He died young and before his death wrote: “I am 40 years old, but I have worked

for 100 years. I am tired.” It is easy to see why.

In the palace's central lobby, where light streams through the tall, panelled windows, the patron saints of the four Home Nations – St Andrew, St George, St David and St Patrick – peer down from stained-glass windows above four separate passages leading to different corners of the palace. As is often noted, St Andrew, the patron saint of Scotland, sits above the path that leads straight to the bar.

In the next room across, in the members' lobby, bronzed statues of four British PMs – Winston Churchill, Lloyd George, Margaret Thatcher and Clem Atlee – tower in the corners of the room. Churchill's statue is based on a photo during the Second World War, when parliament had been reduced to rubble during the blitz. Alongside is the Churchill Arch, a piece of stonemasonry damaged in the Blitz, which Winnie insisted be salvaged and incorporated into the repaired parliament. ›› LONDON'S BEST TOURS 20 Dean's Yard, City of London, SW1A 0AA parliament.uk Westminster £15

Dignitaries meet in Westminster Hall

Decorating the palace was tiring work

If a tour is good enough for President Obama ‌

SEX AND THE CITY KEEP IT CLEAN

STREET ART LONDON GRIMY IS GOOD

Nothing to do with the cult TV show – instead, this tour explores London's smutty history.

You'll wander through the history of vice in the capital, taking in the sex trade, various tabloid scandals and the most sordid dark corners of the city. So much for the Brits being prim and proper – they've been debasing themselves for centuries.

East London is famous for its slightly grittier, more urban aesthetic, and this tour will leave you feeling like you're getting your hands dirty.

Tread the backstreets of Shoreditch and Brick Lane, taking in the street art that has come to epitomise the east's reputation for breaking the mold.

£8

Saturdays & Wednesdays St Paul's Churchyard, EC4M 8AD walkcity.co.uk St Paul's

£10

Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays Foundry Building, Old St streetartlondon.co.uk Old Street

OLYMPICS WALK A PRELUDE TO 2012 This time next year, London's Olympic sites will be overflowing with human traffic. The new facilities promise to have a transformative effect on east London, so get in early and see how they're taking shape. £9

11am daily In and around London's Olympic sites toursof2012sites.com Bromley-by-Bow

BLOOD AND BONES: HEROES AND VILLAINS NASTY LONDON

£8

London wasn't always a glamorous, shiny city. Indeed, back in the day, it was full of thugs and ne'er-do-wells.

You'll be amazed at the secluded green spaces hidden away in the middle of London.

There's a treasure trove of rooftop gardens and secret churchyard grassy patches.

Saturdays St Paul's Churchyard, EC4M 8AD walkcity.co.uk St Paul's

Sundays 11.30am Outside St Paul's Tube londonhistorywalks.com St Paul's

£8

SOUTH BANK PHOTOGRAPHY TOURS HAPPY SNAPPING

OPEN SPACES A ROLL IN THE GRASS

HITCHCOCK WALK MORE THAN 39 STEPS

£85 It's a cut above your garden-variety sightseeing tour, with a special emphasis on taking high-quality photographs.

It's part guided tour, part photography workshop, and it all comes together on the banks of the Thames, with panoramic views of Westminster and the steepling London Eye in the background. A great way to create some unique memories of London.

Learn the history of the Thames and how it shaped London. Equally, chart the way the riverfront has been revamped by recent developments and urban renewal programmes.

You choose your own tour depending on which sights you want to see and then hop on to your electric bike which whizzes along the streets at 15mph.

Hitchcock is indelibly linked to Hollywood, having created the template for the modern thriller, but he had a successful career in his country of birth before shipping out for America in 1939. This tour, run by one of the UK's foremost Hitchcock experts, traces the director's steps in London as well as some of the famous scenes from his films.

Various dates, mostly weekends In and around Westminster londonphototours.co.uk Westminster

Saturdays & Wednesdays St Paul's Churchyard, EC4M 8AD walkcity.co.uk St Paul's

Daily 10am & 4pm Through central London londonelectricbiketour.com Depends on the tour

Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays Bayswater or Queensway sandrashevey.tripod.com Bayswater

10

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£25

ON THE WATERFRONT DOWN BY THE RIVER

ELECTRIC BIKE TOURS SADDLE UP

£8

£35

ALTERNATIVE LONDON HIDDEN TREASURES

BEATLES LONDON FOLLOW THE FAB FOUR

A tour of east London that promises to show off the parts of the capital you won't find in guidebooks.

Wending its way through Brick Lane and Shoreditch, the tour takes in plenty of street art, but also stops off at the most interesting bars and vintage shops in the area. A great way to scratch the surface of one of the capital's most storied corners, with the benefit of local knowledge.

The Beatles may have been formed in Liverpool but they cast their shadow all around London as well. This tour takes you through the studios where they recorded some of their most famous tracks as well as the parts of London the members of the band called home at various times. You'll also visit some of their favourite hang-outs and the famous zebra crossing at Abbey Road.

FREE

Tuesdays-Thursdays & Saturdays Old Spitalfields Market, E1 6DT alternativeldn.co.uk Liverpool Street

£15

HARRY POTTER DEFINITELY NO QUIDDITCH

Friday-Sunday Underneath Marble Arch thecelebrityplanet.com Marble Arch

Unfortunately, you won't actually go through Diagon Alley or board the Hogwart's Express, but you will wander through the London sites that featured in the eight blockbuster films. A well-rounded tour of London for the Potter-obsessed. £8

Wednesdays, Saturdays, Sundays Meeting points depend on which tour walks.com Temple, Westminster or Bank

LONDON ARCHITECTURE GO WHERE YOU WANT £15

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; TNT

CITY CRUISES ON THE THAMES The Thames affords £8 sightseers views of London they simply won't get while walking its streets. Jump aboard a river liner and snake along the Thames, underneath London's famous bridges, taking in the skyline of the capital on either side, whether it's the jagged skyscrapers of the City or the no less recognisable lumpiness of the Tate and Battersea power station.

Daily Westminster Pier, SW1A 2JH citycruises.com Westminster Pier

CELEBRITIES OF MAYFAIR RICH AND FAMOUS £8

Pick an area of London that interests you and a time that suits, before being guided through the capital's everchanging skyline.

Explore the popculture legacy of this plush London address, passing celebrity homes and hang-outs as well as famous film locations.

Bespoke Wherever you want to go londonarchitecturewalks.com Varies depending on the tour

Saturdays 11am Henry's Café Bar, 80 Piccadilly thecelebrityplanet.com Green Park

JACK THE RIPPER RETRACE HIS STEPS

GHOSTS, GASLIGHT AND GUINNESS IS LONDON HAUNTED?

INTELLIGENCE TRAIL IT'S CLASSIFIED

The Whitechapel murders of 1888 were the first great tabloid crime story, and the killings continue to captivate, partly because the culprit was never caught.

After visiting a series of spooky sights and downing a few pints, you may well come to believe that it is. A journey into olden days superstition.

Discover the behindthe-scenes intrigue of Britain's intelligence services during this tour of MI5 and MI6 facilities.

For years, the world of espionage has been bubbling away beneath the surface of the capital, with rogue spies, double agents and KGB operatives making up a fascinating cast of characters. Beginning in Westminster, the tour takes you through the very heart of British power.

Daily 7.30pm Various Ripper sites in the east walks.com Tower Hill

Wednesdays 7.30pm Around central London walks.com Holborn

Sundays 2pm The Mall, near Admiralty Arch intelligencetrail.co.uk Charing Cross

£8

£8

£15

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LIAM SPRATT PROMOTIONS MANAGER, BLUES KITCHEN, CAMDEN What baffles me about London is us Londoners. We get stuck in a routine of going to the same places and don’t take advantage of what we have. It’s only when friends come to stay we experience something different – why?

www.bugbitten.com

London’s best-kept secret is the beautiful swimming ponds at Hampstead Heath; it’s like leaving London and taking a trip to a secret woodland lake.

When I want to chill out I go for a bike ride. I’m an avid cyclist and it’s my number one form of transport in London. I find it incredibly relaxing and it’s a nice bit of therapy at the end of a hectic day. You can’t beat the feeling of getting everywhere 10 times quicker than the bus, train or Tube.

The most interesting person I’ve met is Daniel Jeanrenaud, aka, The Camden Cat – one of the most popular resident musicians at The Blues Kitchen. He has played with the likes of Chuck Berry, Paul Weller, Robert Plant and The Flamin’ Groovies to name a few. Every time I meet the guy, he gives me a fresh story and his live show is absolutely amazing.

My favourite place for a drink is somewhere with real ale. The Southampton Arms in Kentish Town and The Duke Of Wellington in Dalston are great.

When I’m hungover I eat a big ol’ hearty brunch and drink a milkshake.

What gets me up in the morning? I’m really not a morning person. However, a good cup of tea and, weirdly, a cold shower does the trick.

My perfect weekend would be going to a festival if I wanted to party; I’ve been going to one every year since I was 15. Then to relax, I get out of town and return to the Norfolk Coast where I grew up – it has to be one of the most beautiful views within the UK. The last naughty thing I did was taste six different types of obscure meats in one day. I enjoyed zebra, crocodile, bison, beef, kangaroo and kudu, so if you’re a vegetarian, you probably think that’s pretty naughty … I suppose Morrissey has struck me off his Christmas list.

The Blues Kitchen, Camden 12

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Five words that sum up London ... Massive. Unexplored. Honey-Pot. Unpredictable. Mega.

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Elegant and attractive

PUB THE SCENE Tucked away from Islington’s main drag, Upper Street, this goodlooking neighbourhood gastropub can be found on a tree-lined residential street.

Set within a spacious, high-ceilinged and large windowed Georgian building, furnishings are elegant yet unfussy with attractive fireplaces, chandeliers and wooden floors. There’s also a large, verdant beer garden dotted with plants and picnic benches to while away long sunny afternoons and evenings.

THE GRUB The top-notch British-themed cuisine won’t disappoint. Menus change daily but expect to see flashy dishes on offer such as oysters, grilled sardines or pickled herring for starters; braised rabbit leg or pork chorizo for main, and lemon tart and blueberries, or malted chocolate pot for pudding.

BEHIND THE BAR To cater for Islington’s posh set, there’s a wide range of lagers and a lengthy wine list, mostly consisting of French and Italian vinos with a few New Zealand bottles thrown in for good measure. There’s also three ales on tap, including Harvey’s Sussex Best, Wandle and Truman’s Runner.

BILL PLEASE A small glass of wine costs from £3.85, a carafe (500ml) costs from £10.70 while a bottle costs from £15.30. You’ll pay from £11.50 for mains.

VERDICT This gorgeous gastropub is packed every night for a reason. Bright and airy, there’s ample space in which to enjoy the amazing food. JANINE KELSO

44 Barnsbury Street, Islington, N1 1ER

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Highbury & Islington

PROSPECT OF WHITBY

3 OF THE BEST

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This maritime-themed boozer enjoys a tranquil setting by the Thames between Hammersmith and Chiswick. There’s a BBQ menu, which includes burgers and lamb koftas.

fullers.co.uk

oldshipw6.com

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ith Served awnd chips yle Spur-st r a gs o onion ripnotato or baked salad. side

Offer not valid with any other promotion or special.

Bring in voucher to receive this special. Terms and conditions apply. Valid until 31 August 2011. The least expensive combo meal is free.

&KH\HQQH 6SXU 02 Dome, North Greenwich. Tel: 020 8858 0196 0RKDZN 6SXU Southside Shopping Centre, Wandsworth. Tel: 0208 874 0831 14

THE OLD SHIP

Dine or drink alfresco in this 17th century inn’s riverside terrace which overlooks the Thames in Hammersmith. A popular spot to watch the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race.

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RIVERSIDE PUBS

London’s oldest riverside pub dates back to 1520.

Affording views over the River Thames, this Wappingbased boozer was once frequented by Dickens.

DOVE

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BITE SIZE

Stunning setting: The Windmill

LADYBOYS WANTED You don’t have to trek to Thailand to feast your eyes on a ladyboy.

They will be parading down a catwalk at Mango Tree Thai restaurant on Sunday, August 14 in a beauty pageant. Hopefuls will be vying for the princess category, while handsome men will strut for the prince crown. Contestants for both categories are needed, with £500 up for grabs for first place. mangotree.org.uk

FEAST FOR MEAT-EATERS Who says nothing in life is free? It’s definitely not true at the Jam Tree pub in Chelsea, where every fortnight Thursday drinkers can line their stomachs with a free roast. The venue will put either hog, lamb or a great big hunk of venison on a spit in the beer garden, and punters can munch to their meaty little hearts’ content.

The pub’s signature beverage, the Jam Mojito, should wash it all down just nicely. A reason to stop in for a swift drink after work if there ever was one. thejamtree.com

Photos: TNT

GIN’S A TASTY TONIC Renown mixologist Gerry Calabrese has been to work on his own brand of gin, combining ingredients such a coconut, grapefruit, juniper, iris, tarragon and ginger. The fusion of flavours in Hoxton Gin gives classic cocktails and combinations, such as the Tom Collins and gin and tonic a flavourful twist. It also tastes good straight from the freezer and served in an ice-cold martini glass. Bottles are sold at Waitrose and Harrods for £25.

THE WINDMILL BRITISH THE SCENE The focal point is a pitched glass ceiling, which has transformed this former pub conference room into a stunning conservatory. With its creams and pale blues, clean lines and dark timber tables and chairs, it’s a dining room straight from the pages of a glossy homemakers’ magazine. The restaurant is bolted on to a pub, which has arguably the best beer garden in London thanks to the sprawling common. It draws in hoards of sprightly young things whose profile is at odds with the finery of the restaurant.

THE GRUB It’s British fare fused with foreign tastes – the dishes reflect astuteness in the kitchen while still being uncomplicated. The bocconici with fig, serrano ham and piquant rocket starter is a blend of simple ingredients. However, in contrast, the spicy chorizo and asparagus topped with a warm, runny hen’s egg is a heady combination of flavours. My wild porcini ravioli drizzled with sage butter main was earthy, salty and spicy all in one and improved with each mouthful. My friend’s fillet of West Country chicken breast with creamy saffron and garlic risotto was a hearty feed, although the meat was slightly dry. We save the best ‘til last – the frozen berry pudding providing the fireworks we’ve been waiting for. A pile of soggy fruits encased in juice-soaked bread, give a phenomenal zing with every bite – an uplifting and very welcome finale. REBECCA KENT

There’s an extensive, carefully selected wine list as well as Young’s ales and lagers.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £6.95; mains from £9.95; desserts from £4.25. A bottle of wine from £15.50.

VERDICT The setting is almost unbeatable in London. With a little more attention to the food, that could be top-class, too.

BEHIND THE BAR

Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DE

windmillclapham.co.uk

Clapham Common

hoxtongin.com

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Shit London: Found this on a post in Fulham.

Wonder if he ever found his pants? Katie, via email

81707*

Police reported several accidents at the scene of Rowan Atkinson’s crash.

They blame other drivers for rubber facing

George well done to the english cricket team. we are almost the world no1!

Thomas hmmm, should I go travelling to croatia, the greek islands or just hire a boat and get loaded in Ibiza??

Patricia Jst read the nude spain story. i’m naked as I wrte this. PAnts-off tuesday!!

Lotus flower Go to Google. start to type “why does my m”. I wonder how many people must do this. Do it! It’s a larf!

Charlie haha Shane warne looks like a tranny. Dude, you need a good feed.

Eloise UK’s youngest grandad: ‘I don’t mind my 14-year old-daughter smoking.

Who cares if it’s a bad influence on her kids?’

JohnBOY Bloody hard finding a decent housemate. HAd so many idiots thru this week

Teabag we Loved the shit london story. gd sum1 can find humour amongst the doom and gloom often served up in this city.

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NEW-LOOK TNT

CHILL OUT

I think it’s pretty cool!

The main thing is the content for me, I really enjoy the mag. I can see some really cool, funky graphics added and also a page for FB and Twitter messages which fall in line with the real world.

The critics and comments are, as always, very highquality, I always want to find out what they think from their experience!

Terry, via email

It’s funny how people get wound up about the most insignificant things. If only they could learn to laugh at themselves, rather than freaking out. I’m a firm advocate of doing a bit of yoga, then dancing naked in front of my full-length mirror while yelling out the names of those who have wronged me. I find it purifies body and soul.

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THE C-WORD

Whoever stole the Camden Square signs from near Amy Winehouse’s house should hang their heads in shame. Why do you want such a personal item for her family hanging in your house? A true fan of Amy would never do that. If they council does put up a memorial in Camden, they better nail it down to prevent ghouls stealing it.

Joss, via email

Of course chavs exist (TNT 1453). They’re the kind of people who made my schooldays a living hell.

The kind of people who never read books and have no cultural interests, Look, when it comes to humour, anything goes – there is nothing that cannot be joked about. May I ask the likes of Owen Jones if there’s is anything we can laugh about?

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SIGN OF THE TIMES

TUBE VIBES /24 MONTENEGRO /80

LETTER OF THE WEEK The abuse of pigs in abbatoirs makes me sick to my stomach.

OK, these animals are going to die anyway but at least let them die with some dignity. The “animals” responsible for this should be locked up and given some of the treatment they dish out to those poor pigs. There are too many of these sick people in this world and often they go on to commit bigger crimes involving humans.

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Christian Belucky: Johnny Marbles was a twat trying to get more of a name for himself after failing as a decent stand up. Anyway I’m sure he will realise that when he drops the soap in the shower in jail and gets more than a pie in return Albert Cedro: Charlie Sheen could lead Big Celeb Rehab. Way more entertaining then some C-lists celebs lying all while Scottishsounding bloke comments on their eating habits

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WORK EARN LIVE TRAVEL Looking for fun work, great workmates, freedom to travel (whenever you want) & the money to do it all with?

We thought so – and that’s what IPG offers you.

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

• Money Average £600 pw. Make £15,000 by Christmas!

• Lifestyle Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/ indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way.

• Travel IPG has offices in the UK, NZ, AU, IRE & RSA – work there, or simply take unlimited leave whenever you want to travel the world.

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LONDONSOUND

ALISON GRINTER ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR East 17 want to give their comeback a boost by going head-to-head with old 90s rivals Take That, indulging in some verbal sparring and promises of charity cage fights or something. Er, they’re a bit late. Robbie Williams – the only Take That member who would have taken the bait – has already announced he’s offski now the Progress tour is over. But more importantly, East 17 would do better not to invite people to draw comparisons at all. Take That sold out stadia: East 17 will be lucky to sell out a dodgy pub.

Sure there was a blip of interest when their House Of Love song turned up in a royal wedding spoof-advert, but their new single Secret Of My Life hasn’t set the world ablaze. The fact is some bands shouldn’t attempt time travel, so East 17’s choice of name for their upcoming Back To The Future tour is inaccurate.

The Flogging A Dead Horse tour would have been better. What do you think? alison.grinter@tntmagazine.com

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PROMS Royal Albert Hall UNTIL SEP 10 | DOORS: VARIOUS | £13-£55

The BBC’s eight-week summer season of classical music is upon us, providing punters with an opportunity to get reacquainted with the works of some of the world’s greatest composers.

Highlights include Slavic-flavoured Prom 35: Liszt / Gliere / Rachmaninov (Wed, Aug 10; 7pm) with Ukrainian Kirill Karabits conducting the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra, and Prom 37: Bridge / Brahms / Holst / Elgar (Thu, Aug 11; 7.30pm) conducted by the BBC Philharmonic’s Chief Guest Conductor, Vassily Sinaisky.

For something a little more accessible, check out Prom 38: Film Music Prom (Fri, Aug 12; 7pm) in which the BBC Concert Orchestra explores the rich legacy of film music from Hollywood and beyond.

Also worth a look is Prom 39: Spaghetti Western Orchestra (Fri, Aug 12; 10.15pm).

These five inventive multi-taskers, fascinated by the scores of Ennio Morricone, have devised their own outside-the-box approach to the music of the man who created the epic soundtracks to Sergio Leone’s famous films. They employ conventional instruments, as well as anything else that comes to hand (beer bottles and cornflake boxes have been used in their shows).

And last but not least, comedian and rock ‘n’ roll superstar-in-his-own-mind Tim Minchin (pictured) hosts a Proms first: Comedy Prom (Sat, Aug 13; 7.30pm) featuring Sue Perkins, Kit and the Widow, soprano Susan Bullock and pianist Danny Driver, the BBC Concert Orchestra and conductor Jules Buckley.

Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP

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NEW ARTIST

WASHED OUT GIG TUE, AUG 9. 7PM £10

You wait all year for a chillwave sensation then two come along at once (see Neon Indian).

Hailing from Perry, Georgia, Ernest Greene immersed himself in grunge and dance music as a teen, but it was with his bedroom-concocted, sun-drenched tunes – made under the moniker of Washed Out – which put him on the map.

Photos: Getty

Scala 275 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL scala-london.co.uk King’s Cross

FAVELA BLOCPARTY

COFFEE REVOLUTION 3

CLUB

CLUB

FRI, AUG 12. Free before 9pm, £10 after

TUE, AUG 9. 7PM-1AM £5

As part of their London Vs Rio series, Guanabara’s Friday Favela Blocparty presents Minibloco Live featuring MC Mystro. The highly danceable, six-piece multi-instrumental percussion/funk group, co-led by conga maestro Maurizio Ravalico and saxophonist Barak Schmool. DJ Limao will be on the decks.

Enjoy top tunes on a caffeine high at the third installment of the Notting Hill Arts Club’s coffeethemed night which sees The Barista Mafia play electro, rock’n’roll, reggae, funk, folk, disco and techno. Live music comes from Melbourne psychedelic noise-poppers Foxx On Fire and many more.

Guanabara 69 Drury Lane, WC2B 5PW guanabara.co.uk Holborn

Notting Hill Arts Club 21 Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ nottinghillartsclub.com Notting Hill

LIFE’S A BEACH

AZARI & III

NEON INDIAN

CLUB

GIG

GIG

SAT, AUG 13. 10pm-12pm £13

THU, AUG 11. 7PM £12.50

TUE, AUG 9. 7.30PM £8

King’s Cross has become an unlikely exotic location with Egg transforming its legendary garden into an island paradise complete with palm trees and cocktails. And there’s music to match. Bringing the house/techno disco choons this week are This Is Heroes, featuring Claude Monnet, Willie Graff and Honey Dijon in Room 1.

Playing throbbing basslines and crepuscular synths, Toronto newcomers Azari & III, pictured, make music with a difference. The quartet’s debut self-titled album is out on Aug 7 and, as a lead-up, they are putting out a fantastic funky electro remix of upcoming single, Manic. They arrive fresh from Ibiza so will be all fired up.

Also known for his work with Ghosthustler, and as the artist VEGA, Mexican-born, Texas-based Alan Palamo returns as Neon Indian – an outfit usually pigeon-holed as ‘chillwave’. Expect to hear tracks such as Should Have Taken Acid With You and Deadbeat Summer as Palomo showcases his warm, offbeat sounds.

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX egglondon.net Caledonion Road

XOYO 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP xoyo.co.uk Old Street

Electrowerkz 7 Torrens Street, EC1V 1NQ seetickets.com Angel

WOLFETTE THE BUZZ SO FAR Channelling the dark, grungy spirit of 90s alternaelectro-rock chick Shirley Manson, London-based singer-songwriter Dominique Woolf is well on her way to becoming a huge star with her blend of dirty guitar riffs, driving basslines and dark pop melodies.

Her first single, Vanilla, featured on Made In Chelsea and new single Different Story (out Aug 8) is set to launch her into the stratosphere.

THE CRITICS SAY “Her nods to Ladyhawke come with a hint of Garbage and The Kills thrown in alongside skyscraping melodies that keep the whole thing firmly pop.” NME THE PLUG Roadtrip Bar 243 Old Street, EC1V 9EY Old Street Aug 18. £TBC roadtripbar.com

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CLUBLISTINGS MONDAY 8 Happy Monday Chill-out anthems courtesy of the residents. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

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Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

10pm-3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10.

BOOK NOW!

YoYo Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, dubstep, garage and grime, plus a live performance from Ella Chi. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last adm 1am. £4, free before 9pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

Leftroom Sessions Part Two After Party Raymundo Rodriguez and guests supply deep house and techno. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

5am-1pm. £12, adv/concs £8.

Monday Midnight Mass Nicos and Shane spin indie and rock.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). 11pm-3am. £3.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm.

Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk, salsa and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). 9pm. £7, concs £4.

TUESDAY 9 Club Fandango Indie-rock and alt pop, plus live music from Applicants and Motherhood.

Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191). 8pm. £5, w/flyer £4.

The Coffee Revolution III Dark Lights Tech and The Barista Mafia play electro, rock ‘n’ roll, reggae, funk, folk, disco and techno, plus Foxx On Fire, The Dark Lights, Chris Aliano and Bianca Ara perform live. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-1am. £5.

Forca Brasil DJ Fred spins salsa, samba and Latin tunes, plus live bands. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last adm 1am. £4, free before 9pm.

Latino Sound DJ Kirisis and CLI play R‘n’B, hip-hop and dance.

Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010). 9pm-late. £5-£10.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Marcus and Olly play indie, punk, techno and electro. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4.

22

NIGHT OF THE VAMPIRES Club Colosseum. Fri, Sep 2. From £16 adv.

London’s largest Goth and Fetish night, Club AntiChrist invites vamp fans to sink their teeth into a packed bill of edgy entertainment.

SW8 5NQ

clubantichrist.com

WEDNESDAY 10 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

9pm-3am. £6, NUS £5, w/flyer £4.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Diffrent Strokes Manny Norte, Phatcatz, Maintain, CJ I DJ, Lonyo and MOBO Award winner and Kiss FM DJ Manny Norte play neo soul, 1980s pop, US house, funk and R‘n’B. Cherryjam, Porchester Rd, W2 6ET (020 7727 9950).

9pm-2am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Filthy Habits Student Night DJs play chart hits from the 1980s, 1990s and now. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

8.30pm-3am. £5, NUS £3.

Guanabara Samba School Samba, Afrobeat, pop, house and nu disco, plus Capoeira masterclasses, break dancers, Brazilian street food and cocktail making. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

5pm-late. £5, free before 9pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Push It Good DJ TBX spins old skool hip-hop, soul and dancehall.

The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639). 10pm-3am. £3.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

Voix De Ville DJs spin vintage swing and blues, plus cabaret and burlesque performances from Dom Pipkin, Beau Rocks, Pixie Le Knot, Betsy Rose, Abi Collins and Aurora Galore. Proud Cabaret, Minster Court, EC3R 7AA (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-1.30am. £10.

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Vauxhall

XXL Mid Week House and pop courtesy of resident DJs Joe Egg and Alex Logan. Arcadia, Southwark St, SE1 1RU (020 7403 9643).

10pm-3am. £3, mems free.

THURSDAY 11 Boom Ian Charles and Spida spin pop, R‘n’B, commercial dance, electro, house and UK funky.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3.

C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm-3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-6am. £15, concs £10.

Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight.

Glitz & Glamour Dusty O and James Barr play house, R‘n’B and dance. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Gravity House, R‘n’B and commercial pop across three rooms, from residents The Oli, Alan K, Oliver M and Jamie Head.

Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-8am. £10, w/flyer £6 before 3am, guestlist £3 before 3am, £1 before midnight.

Hyponik X Kilimanjaro Fundraiser Rustie, Quest, Ossie, Alexander Nut, Nightwave, Optimum, Photomachine, J Bevin, Zander Hardy, Naomi, ZTG and Unknown Souljah supply grime, dubstep, electro and hip-hop. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-4am. £5.

Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375).

8pm-midnight. £10, £7.50 skate hire.

Big Business R‘n’B, soul and funk from Big Business and Capricorn Sound. The Blagclub, Kensal Town, Kensal Rd, W10 5BN (020 7243 0123).

10pm-3am. £10, gents guestlist £8 before midnight, ladies £5.

Calentito Pop and soul. Salvador And Amanda, Great Newport St, WC2H 7JA (020 7240 1551). 9pm-3am. £10, guestlist £5, free before 9pm.

Comburo Unknown Audio, Chloe Fontaine and DJ Raz play deep house and techno.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Deadly People & Trouble And Bass Drop The Lime, Bart B More and AC Slater play house, R‘n’B and techno. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 10pm-late. £10.

SATURDAY 13 Annie Mac Presents Boy 8 Bit and Disclosure play dubstep, drum ‘n’ bass and electro.

Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 9pm-late. £12.50.

Fabric Craig Richards, Radio Slave, James Teej, djulz, Arnaud Le Texier, Anonym, Lemos and Terry Francis play electro, house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm8am. £19, adv £18, £23 inc CD, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, £6 after 5am.

Heroes Claude Monnet, Willie Graff, Honey Dijon, Solo, Warboy and Vincenzo Siracusa play dance, disco, electro and house. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

10pm-10am. £20, concs £15, adv £13.

Myopia Presents Pirates Of Coldharbour Lane Cheeky Boys, 2Shay, Aaron James, Monique, Neil Hugo, Misas KT9, Ronnye M, Pebbles, FI33, Flippie and Bam Bam spin hard house, dance and trance. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322).

10pm-7am. £13, £8 before midnight.

Northern Purpose Presents Rick Wade, Brendan and Carl H play house. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443).

10pm-lates. £15, adv £12.

Ridonkuloose Mikey O, James Blackmore and Bappa play disco, electro, techno and funk.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Euphoria Angel Kiss, Oliver MARSH, Intro, Marc Phill, MEF and DJ AD play electro, house, techno, pop, dance and R‘n’B. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (0208 993 2915).

9pm-late. £10, ladies free before 11pm.

Space Dirtydubbin DJs, Little Leigh, Levida, Dee Scott, The Fome, Digital Acrobatics and Aran Reynolds spin house, tech and electro. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-6am. £20, adv £15.

Favela Blockparty DJ Six 3 plays Brazilian funk, Latin, house, R‘n’B and hip-hop, plus MC Mystro performs live. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

8pm-late. £10, free before 9pm.

Systematic Sessions Marc Romboy, Popof, Joe And Will Ask and Spiritcatcher play dance, house and electro. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

11pm-7am. £15, NUS £10 after 4am.

The Gallery Nick Warren, Henry Saiz, Max Graham, Marien Baker, Gavyn Mytchel, Francesco Poggi, Steve Holland, Plastic Fondu, Lee Hurren, Chris Stock, Alex Over, Wez Saunders, Sachin, Burty and Fly Or Die DJs spin house, techno, electro and progressive house. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-6am. £13.

Phenomenal Fridays Stevie C plays commercial chart, party anthems and pop on the ground floor, while Rob Clarke provide funky house in the basement, plus DJs supply R‘n’B in VIP. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188). 4pm-3.30am. £10, guestlist free before 11pm.

Reggae Roast Dubmatix, Exel & Moodie, Perilous, Dub Hunter and Ramon Judah play dubstep, jungle, reggae and drum ‘n’ bass.

The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443).

9pm-4am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Smash Techno Steve Mills, Birinight, DJ Roo and Acid Steve play techno. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322).

11pm-7am. £10, £8 before midnight.

SUNDAY 14 In The Box DJs Enzo Gomes, Manjit, Clubholic, Kid K and Beppe Gallo provide dance and electro.

Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 7pm-1am. £10, £5 before 9pm, ladies free before 9pm.

Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-9am. £12, £10 before midnight, w/flyer £6 before midnight.

Sunday Sister Bliss (Faithless) plays disco, electro and house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

WetYourSelf Kevin Griffiths, Alexis Raphael, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel spin underground house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.

Photos: Nathen Atia

Panic! Max, Gaz and That Perfect Fumble play indie, electro and post-punk. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer/NUS £3.

FRIDAY 12 Absent Kelly And Jamm Presents Phil Hartnoll (Orbital) plays electro and dance. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). 10pm-6am. £10.

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MONDAY 8 Crushing Blows, Bos Angeles The band plays epic indie-pop. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 8826 5000). £6, adv/w/flyer £5.

Strife, Stick To Your Guns, Ritual, Soul Control Hardcore metal from the Californian outfit.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

BOOK NOW!

Teddy Thompson, Kamila Thompson The singer performs folk and pop-rock in support of his album Bella. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £15.

Hot Club Of Boisdale Parisian swing inspired by Stephane Grappelli and Django Reinhardt.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Morrissey The former Smiths frontman performs his solo material alongside songs written with his erstwhile collaborator Johnny Marr, a body of work that spans four decades. London Palladium, Argyll St, W1F 7TF (020 7087 7599). £30-£42.50.

Matt Taylor Blues and bluesrock from the Old Wokingbased singer-guitarist.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £8.

Zebrahead, Attack Attack Poppunk from the Californian fivepiece. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

TUESDAY 9 Givers Indie-pop from the American four-piece. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £7.

Casey MacGill Boogie-woogie and stride piano by the multiinstrumentalist from Seattle.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Natalie McCool, Vall Alt pop and rock from the singersongwriter and guitarist.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8, £6 before 8pm.

Photos: TNT

Neon Indian Indie-electro with a psychedelic twist by the US-based musician Alan Palomo. Electrowerkz, Torrens St, EC1V 1NQ (020 7837 6419). £8.

FRIDAY 12

NOEL GALLAGHER’S HIGH FLYING BIRDS Hammersmith Apollo. Sat Oct 29. £TBC The Oasis songwriter and guitarist makes his live debut with his new band at the Apollo where they’ll be unveiling their first album.

W6 9QH

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WEDNESDAY 10 The Jo Burt Experience Classic rock by the Londonbased singer-guitarist. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

La Dispute, Touche Amore, Nov Coming Fire, Death Is Not Glamorous The American five-piece plays passionate screamo and spiky rock. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £9.

Endless, Stars Of Reason Rock from the London-based four-piece.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £7.

Grandfather Birds, Ladydoll, Paddy Johnston & The Love Explosion Indie-pop by the Newcastle-based band. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 8826 5000). £6, adv/w/flyer £5.

Subhumans, The Rocco Lampones Punk from the veteran four-piece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £9.50.

Lioness, Hatty Keane, Jack Colton, Monique Lawrence, Steelo 1, MyM, Alphonso Stewart, Misunderstood, Bianca Monet & Mic Wrath Grime and hip-hop by the London-born singer-songwriter. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £10, guestlist £5.

Washed Out, Starslinger Dream pop from the American singersongwriter. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £10.

Richie Milton & The Lowdown Upbeat swing and R‘n’B septet.

Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £8, free before 10pm.

Hammersmith

The Skellies, Howlin’ Circus, Fox Jaw Bounty Hunters Indie-rock from the London-based band.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50.

THURSDAY 11 Azari & III The Toronto-based quartet plays electronica.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.50.

King Lizard Heavy rock by the London-based four-piece.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

Mark Kozelek Indie-rock by the American singer-songwriter and member of the Red House Painters. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £20.

Lemuria, Cheap Girls Powerpop band from Buffalo.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8.50.

Blevin Blectum, Ensemble Economique, High Wolf, Exotic Pylon Sinfonia Electronica from the musician and former member of Blectum From Blechdom. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8JH (020 7254 4097). £10.

SATURDAY 13 Steve Diggle & The Revolution Of Sound, Mick Talbot The Manchester-born, London-based singer-songwriter and Buzzcocks guitarist leads his punk-rock and new wave combo. The Grove, Morden Rd, SW19 3BH (020 8543 2023). £10, adv £8.

Fez, The Troubled, Miss Neutron Bomb, Sunday Night Club The Battersea-based four-piece plays indie-rock. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £8.

Darren Haymen & The Secondary Modern The singer-songwriter performs solo indie-folk material with his current outfit as well as music from Hefner, his former band. Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191). £8.

Dir En Grey Metal from the Japanese five-piece.

Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £22.

Never The Bride Londonbased pop-rock band. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £20.

Funkification Funk, soul and disco eight-piece. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm.

Oneida The Brooklyn-based five-piece plays rock with elements of psychedelia and noise. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £13.

He Who Cannot Be Named, Duel, Obsessive Compulsive, Bubblegum Screw Punk-rock from the masked guitarist and Dwarves member. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7272 7366). £7.

Living With Lions, Who’s Driving?

Bear’s Driving!, This Sudden Injury, Chapter Eleven Hardcore punk from the Canadian fivepiece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £8.

Mavrika Contemporary Greek blues from the London-based outfit. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

Michelle Nadia, Lenny Verralis, Danny Apple, Lewis Buxton Folk-pop by the New Zealandbased singer-songwriter. Hope And Anchor, Upper St, N1 1RL (020 7354 1312). £6, concs £5.

Eric Ranzoni Blues Band Piano-led blues outfit.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Thee Faction The veteran outfit plays socialist R‘n’B. The Alley Cat, Denmark St, WC2H 8LP (020 7836 1451). £8.

SUNDAY 14 Robin Auld Soulful blues-rock from the South African guitarist, harmonica player and singer. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £7.

Clare Free The singer-songwriter and guitarist plays country-tinted blues-rock. Colour House Theatre, Merton Abbey Mills, off Merantun Way, SW19 2RD (020 8542 5511). £6.

Alan Price Soulful pop-rock from the former member of the Animals. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £12.

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul from the seven-piece. Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

I Am Kloot The Mancunian threepiece plays idiosyncratic indierock. The Open Air Theatre, Inner Circle, Regent’s Park, NW1 4NU (0844 826 4242). £25 & £32.50.

Jason Ringenberg Americana and country-rock by the Nashville-based singer-songwriter.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £8.

Shadowboxer, We Tell Lies, The Red Model, The Cadbury Sisters Melodic indie-rock by the Londonbased combo. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £8.

Trouble Books, Outshine Family, Petrels Experimental alt pop two-piece from Akron, Ohio. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £6.

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Michael Landy: raising awareness, one mean commuter at a time

Tight squeeze: is there room for kindness on the Tube; above and right, Landy's campaign

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My kind of city A new exhibition on the Central line explores the theme of being nice – but is it a lost sentiment in modern-day London?

WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

What's the most recent kind act you did on the Tube?

Think hard. It's difficult, isn't it? The survival-of-fittest mentality, the pretending-you're-somewhere-else mindset doesn't seem to really allow for good-natured acts. But they do exist. My latest was to rustle up a seat for a heavily pregnant woman on a crowded carriage, although it did almost backfire.

"How far have you got to go?" I asked after seeing her being bumped for the umpteenth time. She looked at me suspiciously, as if I was some weirdo interested in strange women's pregnancy terms. After a quick clarification, she revealed she had seven stops to go.

It's harder than you think to shame a group of cokeaddled City types into giving up their comfort for the good of the next generation, but after a loud "any of you boys want to give up your comfortable seat for a pregnant woman?" one finally relented. The woman looked grateful.

I imagine she mouthed a 'thank you' but I was already gone, off to continue my mission as champion of good deeds on public transport.

According to artist Michael Landy, I'm not alone in my crusade. However, not many realise the extent of unselfishness of the underground, leading Landy to create the exhibition Acts of Kindness on London's Central Line.

It involves sharing the stories of everyday commuters who have been part of – either giving, receiving or witnessing – acts of empathy on the underground system.

"You can feel very alienated," Landy says of the Tube.

"It's a dog-eat-dog kind of place at times. It's good to put something positive in amongst all that. And once you start to notice kind acts you see a lot more of them."

After famously destroying everything he owned (including his passport) as part of a 2001 exhibition, Breakdown, Landy became intrigued with the other side of identity – compassion, generosity and connection to others.

His definition of kindness is thus: going beyond yourself to acknowledge someone else’s needs and feelings. He says being kind to a stranger involves sharing a sense of connection with someone you don’t know.

"It’s a gesture of trust between two people," he says.

"There’s a risk in that. They may just ignore you or take it the wrong way. It requires courage and acceptance on both sides." He admits creating a major change in the mindset of

Londoners is probably unachievable, but he is compelled to try.

"I find it's life-enhancing when you witness or take place in an act of kindness so that's what I'm trying to celebrate."

TfL Art On The Underground curator and London's School of Life founder faculty member Cathy Haynes's most recent exposure to kindness was while scribbling notes en route to a lecture about, you guessed it, kindness. When the pencil she was using snapped, a fellow commuter leaned over to offer her another, completely unaware of what the topic was.

"It was a really delightful thing," Haynes says.

However, she warns, it's best to pick and choose your moments. People not used to kindness, those commuters desensitised to the alien atmosphere the Tube has bred, can view it with suspicion.

"People may feel uncomfortable and you have to pitch it right," Haynes says. "Sometimes you have to make a judgement call – on the tube or in any part of life."

But that's not to say you shouldn't try, she says.

Her favourite tale to emerge from the exhibition is one of someone suffering from depression, riding the Tube and noticing another passenger folding a piece of paper.

When the folder got up to leave, they dropped a small ››

Be nice: Landy's art and, right, Wallace TNTMAGAZINE.COM

25

Your story could be read by thousands origami horse in the depressed person's lap. "The recipient was touched and felt a ray of hope enter their life," Haynes says.

It's the sort of act that warms writer Danny Wallace's heart.

The 34-year-old is something of a kindness expert himself, having written the 2004 novel Random Acts Of Kindness: 365 Ways to Make The World A Nicer Place. He describes such acts as being part of a "pyramid scheme of niceness."

"They're an incredible trade you can make with strangers, in which both parties benefit. You make them happy, you walk away happier," he says. "That's how they spread. And if they spread, then more people's worlds are made better."

Wallace is firmly in Landy's camp when it comes to trying to breach the steely veneer of Tube riders. He'd relish being in a train carriage where people acknowledge their fellow passengers' existence.

"We generally don't want to talk, or even look at each other, because it feels illegal," Wallace says. "But it's allowed.

And looking out for each other isn't a sign of kindness, I'd argue – it's a sign of humanity. It's a sign of a world we all want to live in, so why not just help make it happen?"

Wallace, whose simple philosophy has gained him an army

of followers – dubbed The Karma Army – says he will never surrender in his battle to have kindness pervade London – and beyond. "Some people do stop trying. But there will always be others who don't. You can have a world with hope or you can have a hopeless world. Society can do one thing, but it's the individuals that make the difference."

And while he may sound like a human motivational calendar, it's a philosophy that is paying off. In December, his Karma Army will come together for the 10th Karmageddon – a London gathering where the Army conducts random acts of kindness, then goes the pub and gets drunk.

"That's my kind of society," Wallace says.

As for Landy, he will continue harvesting the tales of selflessness arriving daily in his inbox. He expects their volume to grow as commuters latch on to the idea.

"I don't want people singing songs and holding hands and clapping tambourines," he says. "Hopefully people will just become a bit more aware of the environment that they're in … and the effect they can have." ❚ » What's the kindest thing you have seen, carried out or witnessed while travelling on the Tube? Send your heartwarming stories to TNT – letters@tntmagazine.com – and we'll submit them to TfL and they could appear on the Central line.

ACTS OF KINDNESS THOMAS

ELLA

BUSSER 27, from

HAMILTON 26, from

Switzerland

Crouch End

26

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"I had a particularly good experience on the Tube when an extra-friendly woman moved over so I could sit next to her and we had a chat during our ride.

"Once, I was trapped in the doors and someone helped me out.

I always give my seat to pregnant women, or children. I think there are opportunities for kindness on the tube. If everyone was friendlier, we would all be a lot happier."

STEPHEN

Scotland

Australia

YUIL 19, from

"Today I saw a young man help a woman carrying her buggy up the stairs near the tube exit at Marble Arch.

"She didn’t seem in distress, but that is the nice part about it. She didn’t have to ask someone to help: they just did it.

"People's kindness on the transport system is improving but I think it goes hand in hand with changes in TfL."

IRVING 28, from

"Just the other day, I saw a guy give up his seat for a woman and her child even though the train was completely packed.

"I also always see people getting up for elderly people when there aren’t any seats left.

"There is definitely room for kindness on the Tube. It is always so hot and crowded so there are plenty of opportunities for people to be nice for one another."

Photos: Getty; TNT

"I'm only in London for a week, but I have already seen people do nice things while on the Tube.

"Someone got up so I could sit next to my girlfriend, and, on another trip, a person helped me with my heavy baggage.

"The problem on the Tube comes at rush hour. People are so hurried and only give up their seats for the disabled or elderly instead of paying attention to everyone."

EMMA

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Katchafire

The band’s lead vocalist Logan Bell on getting McDonald’s for free and smoking too much weed INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER

Katchafire started out as a Bob Marley tribute act, so supporting The Wailers back in 2005 must have been an amazing experience for you.

Yeah, that’s definitely one of the things to tick on the bucket list. We’ve got quite a good relationship with most of the original Wailers ... we did a winter tour of America with them.

It was funny playing our island reggae at ski towns during the snow season.

At what point did you decide to record your own material?

We had always written our own material even when we were performing as the Bob Marley covers band. We won a talent search in our hometown [Hamilton, New Zealand], which gave us $5000 worth of recording time, that’s what really forced our hand. We recorded Bounce and Giddy Up. Then we got our record deal and Giddy Up went on to be the biggest selling single in New Zealand the following year in 2003.

You’re named after the Bob Marley album Catch A Fire – did you change the spelling for copyright reasons or to give it your own spin?

It was a bit of both. There’s actually no letter ‘C’ in our Maori dialect so we just liked the look of the name we came up with.

One of your best-loved songs is Collie Herb Man. Is smoking marijuana integral to being a reggae artist?

Yes it is – not all the boys smoke in the band so not all the boys would say that. But I would say for most reggae bands it’s quite an integral part.

Photos: TNT

How much herb would you get through in a week?

What, the whole band? Too much! But I’m not going to give you a weight – I’m too ashamed.

Your father and brother are also in the band. Any family squabbles?

If it does we sort them out pretty quickly on the road. And it’s quite cool having dad with us as well. He’s a really cool dude – he’s one of the boys but he also commands the respect that a father should.

Logan Bell, third from the right Does he go out partying with you after the shows?

Yes, he does – he parties harder than us sometimes.

With seven band members, is it tricky making decisions?

We’ve always had a rule of thumb of majority rules. And don’t get your feelings hurt if you’re not part of the majority.

Katchafire are known as the hardest working band in New Zealand – you once did three gigs in diferent towns on one day. How do you do it?

On New Year’s Eve last year we played three gigs in one day. We spread ourselves around as much as we can. I think that label is something the public have coined for us – it’s because of our work ethic. We’re all professional musicians. If we’re not on the road then we’re in the studio or writing songs at home – music is our life.

Unusually, you’ve got a huge following in Hawaii – not many bands can make such a claim.

We just came from playing at a festival in Honolulu, actually. Our songs are on very high rotation on the commercial radio over there.

It seems to have been accepted by the locals as the theme music of Hawaii. Some of the locals

even claim us as their own. We’re so well known we can’t even buy McDonald’s in Waikiki – we get it for free.

What’s planned for Homelanz?

We’re going to play some songs from our latest album On The Road Again, which is not yet released in the UK, and we’ll also be doing a best-of set of all four albums. We’ve just come off a tour of Brazil and America so the boys are really well rehearsed and we’ve got a special show for Homelanz and for our fans in the UK – we can’t wait really.

Do you still play Bob Marley covers at your shows?

With four albums of our own now it’s very rare that we’d pull a cover out. But we definitely will if the vibe is right.

How do you approach a festival crowd?

We look at the demographic of people who are going to be there and tailor the set-list to what they want to hear. Sometimes we like to add cultural elements to the show through traditional songs and dance, to show off our Maori culture.

Appearing at Homelanz – proudly sponsored by Air Asia airlines – alongside Sneaky Sound System, Ladi 6, Jayson Norris and more. Boston Manor Park homelanz.co.uk

Boston Manor, Sat, Aug 13. £35

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RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES FILM review by Alison Grinter STARRING: James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto | 12A | 105 mins

THE INTERRUPTERS FILM TBC | 125 mins

This fascinating and moving documentary, set in President Obama’s hometown of Chicago, follows three “violence interrupters” determined to nip the scourge of gun and gang crime in the bud. The trio, all reformed criminals, reveal their own tales of redemption as they try their best to stop the spread of violence they believe mimics the progress of an infectious disease.

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A prequel to Planet Of The Apes, Tim Burton’s 2001 dark, brooding tale of allconquering primates, Rise of The Planet Of The Apes seeks to explain how those monkeys got so damned powerful and intelligent in the first place.

Against the backdrop of modern-day San Francisco, James Franco plays scientist Will Rodman whose antidote to Alzheimer’s enables some lab monkeys to develop superior intelligence. When one of the high-functioning apes, Caesar – played to surprisingly soulful effect by Andy Serkis – is left motherless, Rodman adopts him.

All goes swimmingly until Caesar bites a nasty neighbour and is imprisoned in a monkey sanctuary. He soon develops a consciousness for the plight of his fellow apes living under humankind’s tyrannical rule and decides enough is enough.

Rupert Wyatt’s direction is thrillingly kinetic and the cutting-edge stop motion/ performance capture he employs produces some incredible results: the scene of hundreds of chimps dangling from the Golden Gate Bridge as if it is a giant jungle gym is breathtaking.

Franco’s performance is sympathetic and understated, but Freida Pinto, who plays his girlfriend, is wasted as arm candy. The movie is marred by some hokey, unintentionally funny moments, and loses momentum towards the end – but overall, it’s an enjoyable flick.

GOOD FOR: Anyone who was scared shitless by the 1968 original

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GIVE US A

LEISA REA’S BAD PENSION PLAN

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

With so much “how to be a winner” self-help bollocks around these days, it’s refreshing to see someone championing the underachievers among us. Leisa Rea, from the BBC’s 4 Stands Up, wants to make losing the new winning, so she’s hosting a Mardi Gras for the mildly depressed. Expect dark and offbeat humour.

Camden Head 100 Camden High St, NW1 0LU, Aug 13-14. £7 camdenhead.com Camden Town

AFTER HOURS AT THE CHURCHILL WAR ROOMS

ROAD SHOW

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Whatever Churchill got up to in his bunker after dark it probably didn’t involve GI-style jive dancing. Even so, the London Swing Dance Society will set the scene for this exhibition celebrating the 70th anniversary of the ‘special relationship’ between the UK and US – established with the Atlantic Charter in 1941.

Stephen Sondheim has turned an early 20th century rollercoaster rags-to-riches story into a clever vaudevillian musical, which satirises the American Dream. Michael Jibson (hardworking, gay) and David Bedella (shifty, womanising) shine as contrasting siblings and John Doyle’s wittily staged show definitely delivers. LK

Churchill War Rooms King Charles St, SW1A 2AQ. Aug 12. 6pm10pm. £15.95 cwr.iwm.org.uk Westminster

Menier Chocolate Factory Southwark St, E1 1RU. Until Sep 17. £33.50 menierchocolatefactory.com London Bdg

Ha bloody ha!

LAWRENCE LEUNG Tell us a joke Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on his roof? A: Get off my roof.

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on his roof that was wearing sunglasses? A: Get off my roof, whoever you are.

Have you ever died on stage?

Yes, at a corporate gig for public servants where people were more interested in their dinner. I’ve also done a “Lazarus” – deliberately running a good gig into the ground and trying to win the audience back.

Photos: Claes Gellerbrink, TNT; Getty

Finish the statement: At heart I’m just a frustrated …

Octopus. Big brain, but can’t tell my left foot from my right.

THE THIRD MAN

DAMES AT SEA

FILM

THEATRE

Grab a picnic and head to Battersea Park for vintage film noir under the stars. This week Lexi Cinema’s The Nomad presents classic 1949 flick The Third Man, a tale of betrayal and corruption set in post-war, occupied Vienna starring the awesome Orson Welles and based on the Graham Greene novella.

Kirk Jameson’s sparky revival of Haimsohn, Miller & Wise’s 1966 spoof on lavish Thirties Hollywood musicals, works a treat in this tiny space, filling it with hoofing chorines, tap-dancing sailors and a trio of romances. Add Rosemary Ashe’s moody ageing star – with a performance as outré as her theatre – and you’re in for a summer treat. LK

Battersea Park SW11 4NJ. Wed, Aug 10. £8.50-£12 whereisthenomad.com Battersea Park

Union Theatre Union Street, SE1 0LX. Until Aug 20. £15 uniontheatre.biz Southwark

What’s your new show, Lawrence Leung Wants A Jetpack, about?

Jetpacks! They’re awesome but more people have stepped on the Moon than have flown one. It details my quest to meet enthusiasts.

Have you ever been attacked by an animal? Birds love shitting on me in cities.

Soho Theatre, 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Until Aug 13. 7.45pm. £10-£15. sohotheatre.com

Tottenham Court Rd

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Monkey business Actor, director and PhD student. As Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is released, we ask whether there's anything James Franco can't do WORDS FRANCESCA ORSINI

James Franco is a rare breed. With looks to match his outstanding acting ability, and a desire to be the best in everything he does, the 33-year-old has already scooped countless awards – including a Bafta for 127 Hours. Here, we quiz him on his new movie and his plans to be a scholar.

Was it important Rise Of The Apes raised moral dilemmas?

I don’t know if it’s a necessity for me that a movie has ethical messages. But the fact this one did and it raised awareness about certain issues, made it interesting and more unique. It gave this type of summer movie an unusual dose of depth.

Did your role stretch you as an actor?

I am always interested in new kinds of acting experiences.

Maybe 10 years ago, when I was a younger actor, I might run away from a movie that requires so much computergenerated work, but now I am embracing it. Because for certain movies, this is the future.

You also write, direct and create video art projects. Is acting still an important part of your career?

I still love acting, but I do spend more time now on school, writing, directing and art practice. I get more satisfaction from directing films and that kind of stuff.

Photos: Getty. Interview: The Interview People

Why new direction?

About five or six years ago I went through some change. I had been working in film for nine or ten years as an actor.

I wasn't happy, because I was trying to do too much. I was

Primate behaviour: Franco stars in the new Apes film

essentially trying to do the director’s job to a certain extent.

That was wrong of me. I was feeling constricted as an actor.

Does acting still satisfy you?

Yes – especially when I work with directors like Danny Boyle or Gus van Sant. I feel satisfied because I am collaborating with great artists.

Is humour part of creating art? For one project you were wandering around the Louvre with a penis on your nose...

It was a movie called Dick Nose In Paris. The character I was playing had a penis on his face, but when we goes out in public, he covers it, because he realises people wouldn’t understand. Nowadays, in postmodern practice, humour is very important. It allows for irony to come into the work.

I enjoy bringing humour into the work.

You’ve starred in blockbusters such as Spider-Man, 127 Hours, Eat Pray Love and The Green Hornet. How do you achieve a work-life balance?

I am very busy, and it is difficult for me to have relationships or a raise a family at this time. I have worked some things out in a way that all the people I work with are my closest friends. Basically my work time is often my fun time. It’s been that way for four or five years now, and I have been really happy. I necessarily don’t need downtime or vacation. A vacation would be more boring than what I do for work.

You’re going for your PhD in literature. Would you give up acting to work as a professor?

Giving up filmmaking would make my academic work more dull and conventional. But the thing I can contribute is mixing knowledge from the academic world and the professional film world. So I hope to keep doing both.

Are you looking for more high-brow escapes because the world of show-business is shallow?

You can’t say filmmaking is shallow. It is not. There are very smart and deep people. But the people that comment on film on blogs are often shallow. It forces me try to understand deeper about certain projects.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is out now – read TNT's review on P30

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33

SPARETIME

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Julius Styles: The International

CD

Apple iOS

A hugely anticipated collaboration between friends Kanye West and Jay-Z. £13.22 amazon.co.uk

Even prison can’t keep Wesley Snipes down. He returns as a gaming hero. £3 apple.com

Carl Cox: Space Collaboration 2011

Fruit Ninja Kinect X360

Use your slicer arms to strike and splash your way through a juicy adventure.

800 MS points

CD

A celebration of the DJ’s 10 years at Space, featuring new and established artists. £13.03 amazon.co.uk

marketplace.xbox.com

London cycle routes iTunes app

Cocktails with Bompas & Parr

Trace London’s 30 best cycling routes – from idyllic towpaths to tough hill climbs. £1.79 itunes.apple.com

Book

Let the ‘food architects’ teach you how to build the perfect cocktail. £14.99 waterstones.com

All Gone Pete Tong App

Create an expert playlist from your own tunes with help from the renowned DJ. Free allgoneapp.com

David Baldacci: One Summer Book

A war veteran tries to keep his family together after the death of his wife. £7.14 amazon.co.uk

Russian Roulette Drinking Game Toy

Glasses are so yesterday. The new way to shoot tequila is through a revolver. £18.99

Sucker Punch DVD

A twisted action flick about a group of teenage girls escaping a mental asylum. £13.99 amazon.co.uk

pranksterhouse.com

GeekSheek case Notebook case

Get ethical with this organic cotton laptop and iPad cover. £30 geeksheek.co.uk

Two And A Half Men Seasons 1-8 DVD

Charlie Sheen at his best – before he got hooked on the Tiger Blood. £49.99 amazon.co.uk

App of the Week Banksy Locations iPhone app

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Photos: TNT

Get a first-hand visual encounter of street artist Banksy’s work. Just enter where you are and it leads you to the art. £1.49 itunes.apple.com

29TH SEPTEMBER 2011 To celebrate Germany’s annual beer festival, Chelsea FC will be hosting our first ever traditional Oktoberfest at Stamford Bridge.

£35 per person includes: · Personalised table for your company or group name · Bavarian beer maids to serve your table · Traditional Oompah band · Cloakroom and security German food platters, bratwursts, 5 litre kegs of beer and much more are available to purchase when booking your places.

Order as little or as much as you like - and on the evening Heidi and Hansel will be ready to serve your desired food and drinks straight to your table!

A perfect choice for corporate hospitality. If you can't make it to Munich this autumn, bring your party down to the Bridge for an unforgettable night…

Prepaid Travel Mastercard

> Best exchange rates > No fee to swipe card > Rand, Euro or US Dollar card

0808 141 1681 43588

www.1stcontactforex.com/tmcard

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Totally tropical wellies Now you’ve seen these tropical style Havianas wellies, you’ll never want to wear boring green ones again.

Mens shorts by Jasper Conran Festivals are all about wearing things you might be too shy to wear at home, so don these bright red denim shorts with pride.

Cath Kidston cagoule Stave off any sogginess while wrapped in polka dots. fultonumbrellas.com

uk.havaianas.com

debenhams.com

.00

£26 .00 £50

£30

.00

SHOPWATCH LOMOGRAPHY POP-UP STORE

Photos: TNT

If you didn’t have time to book that seaside holiday, or just aren’t equipped with sturdy sea legs, this new pop-up store offers the perfect ocean fix.

Lomography, the uber-edgy purveyor of budget plastic film cameras, has set up (a very nautical, ship-shaped) shop in Selfridges this August.

Once aboard the “Love Boat”, get a temporary anchor tattoo or let out pent-up aggression with games of tug-o-war against one of the resident sailors.

Then try your hand at the dying art that is film photography with free First Mate Workshops where snap-happy visitors can borrow a Lomography camera and a roll of film for an hour.

It’s guaranteed to give you pictures that’ll leave your Facebook friends feeling more than a little jealous.

OPEN Until August 24 COST Cameras start at £39 and film costs from £6.90. Workshops are free.

TEL 0800 123400 lomographylondon.co.uk Selfridges, 40 Duke Street, W1U 1AT Bond Street

Hip Hop watch Waterproof, wipe clean and dirt cheap. It’s everything you want your watch to be at a festie. It also happens to look pretty good too.

Available in men’s and women’s sizes.

Festival style

.99

£14

Black sunnies An essential for sunshine revelling. tkmaxx.com

hiphopwatches.it

£16

.99 £24

.00

Denim playsuit Play suit means play time. matalan.co.uk

.00 £75

£13

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00 £6.

Eagle Creek quirk backpack A nifty backpack to stash your clothes and booze in. swissluggage.co.uk

Diamond print trilby Because everyone needs a festival hat. matalan.co.uk

Amore T-shirt Bold picture T-shirts so you stand out in the crowd. mylabel.co.uk

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37

LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

THE RIG TRAINING If the playground of your youth was stripped of schoolchildren and redesigned by fitness fanatics, you’d probably get something closely resembling The Rig. This no-nonsense metal structure is the latest addition to The Reebok Club. Unlike most exercise equipment, it gets you up and off the floor, providing alternative perspectives for those who are tired of the same old, eye-level views of other sweaty gym-goers.

The Rig looks like a minimalist jungle gym, and is made up of bars that hook up to various attachments. Workouts range from stability training on wire cables to pull-ups on a set of Olympic rings.

Because each exercise is meant to mimic the natural movements of the body, muscles that are often overlooked during most workouts are given their time in the spotlight.

The result? Greater range of motion, better balance, and the surprise that comes from feeling sore in muscles you didn’t even know you had.

Breaking a sweat while stretching in mid air may be a far cry from carefree days spent dangling on monkey bars, but then again, no one said growing up was easy.

Tried and tested – five fitness apps that will have you in shape before the summer ends WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

New apps are coming out all the time to inspire you to keep up a fitness regime. Hit the park, the pavement or your front room and use your mobile to do it your own way.

PACE DJ 4/5 WHAT IS IT? Pace DJ picks songs from your iTunes at your target tempo, to make you run, walk or cycle faster.

EASY TO USE? There are no complicated menus to navigate – you just set your target BPM, press play and the app picks a song.

BEST FEATURE You can like or dislike a song to help the app make future song choices.

VERDICT Gets you right in the zone to push yourself harder during a workout. It’s also much cheaper and less patronising than a personal trainer.

BEST FOR Cardio AVAILABLE ON iPhone COST £2.99 pacedj.com

FITDECK BODYWEIGHT 5/5 WHAT IS IT? Strengthening exercises for men and women, dealt on playing cards. You can target individual areas of your body or select random for a full workout.

EASY TO USE? Instructions are simple and easy to follow and reps are tailored to beginner, intermediate and advanced levels.

BEST FEATURE The app also outlines the best exercises to warm up with and tells you when to take water breaks.

VERDICT Gets you out of your comfort zone and working different parts of your body.

BEST FOR Toning AVAILABLE ON iPhone. Due to launch on Android and Blackberry later this year COST £6.99 fitdeck.com

SPORTY PAL COACH 3/5 WHAT IS IT? A tracker for how far and how fast you’ve run, cycled, skied or paraglided.

EASY TO USE? Moderately, but the different settings it has could be explained better.

Use apps to excercise at home TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Techie fit

16-19 Canada Square, E14 5ER reebokclub.co.uk Canary Wharf

38

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LOOKING GOOD...

Heaven bee venom face mask A botox alternative £19.95 heavenbydeborahmitchell.co.uk

Out and about: use apps to exercise anywhere

BEST FEATURE It tells you how many calories you’ve burned, which you can, if you want to boast, share on your Facebook and Twitter feeds.

VERDICT Essentially it tells you what a machine in the gym can but you’re not restricted to being indoors.

BEST FOR Cardio AVAILABLE ON Any phone with GPS COST Free sportypal.com

FOOTWORKS 4/5 WHAT IS IT? A step-by-step guide to a catalogue of dance moves, which you learn for a final routine.

EASY TO USE? Just press play and watch the instructor explain on video exactly how each move works.

BEST FEATURE You’re exercising, while learning some new moves. Not that you’d necessarily want to unleash these aerobicsinspired bad boys onto a public dance floor.

VERDICT Great for those who don’t like traditional workouts.

BEST FOR Cardio and all-over toning.

AVAILABLE ON iPhone COST £1.49 footworksfitness.com

DARREN MARKS HYPNOSIS: SPORT & FITNESS EXCELLENCE 3/5 WHAT IS IT? An hypnosis app from registered London hypnotherapist Darren Marks, which claims to keep you motivated so you reach all your fitness goals.

EASY TO USE? Lie back, press play, zone out.

BEST FEATURE It’s a hell of a lot cheaper than one-to-one hypnosis sessions.

VERDICT Hypnosis doesn’t work for everyone (it didn’t for us), but it can help you become a strong, independent, woman...

BEST FOR Any exercise for those who believe in mind over matter.

AVAILABLE ON iPhone, Blackberry, Android NEXT WEEK COST £1.99 Best treatments hypnotherapy for your tootsies -london.info

Superdrug shower gel Yummy smelling essentials £1.35 superdrug.com

Tooth stain removal pen Avoid nasty lasers £29.99 transformulas.com

Photos: TNT; Getty; Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: WALK-IN BACKRUB In this scheduled life we all live, where dentists, hairdresser and beauty salon appointments need to be booked well in advance, it’s nice to know there’s a place where you can fall in off the streets and within minutes you are being treated to a heavenly 20-minute Shiatsu massage. Open Mon-Fri, 10.30am7pm; Sat, 11.30am-7pm and Sun, 1pm-6pm. £21.00

Walk right in

Neal’s Yard, Covent Garden, WC2H 9DP walkinbackrub.co.uk Covent Garden

Tous H20 perfume Oxfam gets a cut for safe drinking water £26.00 boots.com

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39

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Victory: Zoe Plummer is on her way to big things

Be your own boss Tired of taking orders? Fancy taking the plunge and starting your own business? We get the lowdown from three experts WORDS REBECCA KENT

Zoe Plummer didn’t need to win The Junior Apprentice. While it may have been a blow to come a cropper in the final of the BBC programme, it was clear the then 16-year-old student, who spent her weekends buying and selling vintage clothing at markets was going to be successful anyway.

That Plummer, who describes herself as “driven and dynamic”, could be such a convincing businesswoman even while sitting her A-Levels, speaks volumes of her ambition.

Now 18, she runs Victory Vintage (victoryvintage.co.uk), a clothing store in Whiteleys Shopping Centre, Bayswater, with her sister Rebecca, 26.

They were given the opportunity to run a week-long pop-up shop as part of Global Entrepreneurship Week this year. Centre management was 40

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so impressed it became a permanent arrangement.

“I’ve always had a desire to set up a shop that was different to the rest,” says Plummer. “Our items come from the 1900s up to the late Sixties and they are all carefully handpicked. Plus, we are in a shopping centre, which is unusual, but it’s been very successful.”

The idea to trade in vintage fashion came when Plummer’s wardrobe began to groan under the weight of her own vintage garb. She sold her collection at markets and jumble sales and rummaged through vintage fairs and charity shops to buy more, and, soon, a veritable enterprise was born.

Having been surrounded by vintage fashion since she was a toddler (her grandmother once owned a vintage shop), Plummer knew the true value

of each item she bought and sold.

“Doing business is easier if you have a genuine interest in what you are selling,” Plummer says.

“Juggling work and school has only ever been the biggest issue, but you’ve just got to keep focused and maximise the opportunities that come your way.”

David Hardy, 29, is also among the generation of “doers and grafters” the British government hopes will support the nation’s economic recovery.

Inspired by a game called table à l’élastique he saw while on a student exchange in France, Hardy developed his own version: Pucket (pucket.co.uk).

The wooden board game, in which two players use an elastic band to propel small wooden discs through a slot, is now a major player in the games market. “I made one as a gift

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB JAKE BURGER

Photos: TNT

Pucket: (l-r) David Hardy and Ben Lewis

A walk in the park: Dr Tom Sebrell

for my brother who Joining Hardy in the took it to a holiday ranks of emerging THE FACTS camp and there was entrepreneurs is Dr Tom More than 50 per cent of the UK’s this almost obsessive population want to start a business, Sebrell, 32. He found fever surrounding the a niche among the but only 5.8 per cent actually do. game. From that came welter of London WHERE TO GO a collective realisation walking tours with Advice on everything from writing the game could be his American Civil a business plan to marketing a commercialised,” War themed walk business can be found online. Try: he says. (acwlondon.org). mentorsme.co.uk; startupbritain.

Hardy, who is based The idea was the org; .businesslink.gov.uk and in Brixton, had just suggestion of betterbusinessfinance.co.uk. been made redundant a supervisor Sebrell WHAT THEY SAY as a wind farm analyst took on a tour while ’I was penniless and didn’t have when the plan began completing his PhD on a bank account until I was 30’ – to come to life in 2009.

Union and Confederate Dragons’ Den’s Duncan Bannatyne He sourced Fairtrade propaganda in Britain proving its’ never too late if you’ve wood from India for his during the American got a good enough idea. products. This meant Civil War. It was helped he was able to make by grants and support a modest initial investment in 200 from Queen Mary University, which units to test the market. The uptake takes a cut of ticket sales in return for was exciting, especially at the festive marketing and office space. season. “It just sold itself,” he says.

“With advertising costs what they Selfridges is now a major stockist. are in London, business is a brutal Hardy, who enlisted the help of his world to enter into right now,” Sebrell friend Ben Lewis, 27, warns that going says. “If I’ve learned anything, it’s to into business is not as easy as it seems. “ network like mad and go into Things like the dotcom boom and partnerships with The Apprentice have given people the companies who idea that you can just pick up a vision can help to NEXT WEEK and it will go viral, but you have to promote your Want to work in PR? be more realistic. There are sacrifices business. It’s We tell you how to make, such as holding down two all about who jobs but only being paid for one.” you know.”

CAREER Director of drinks for Leelex Ltd AGE 37 LIVES West London FROM Leeds How did you get into your line of work?

I started out as a washer-upper in a bar/restaurant in Leeds called Ikes when I was 15. During this time I’d spent a lot of time finding excuses to hang out in the bar. As soon as I turned 18 it was a natural progression for me to get switched.

I was managing the joint about nine months later. I figured maybe I’d do it for a couple of years but here I am, 20 years later, still loving it.

What do you do day to day?

I still pull a few shifts behind the bar, though not as many as I used too.

Recently I’ve been spending much of my time organising our new gin project, which comprises a museum and gin distillery and as our new brand: Portobello Road Gin. The best part of your job You are always with happy people.

What’s the most challenging?

The hangovers don’t get easier.

HOW TO...

CUT STRESS • Adrenaline may be exciting

and productive and feel like energy, but it isn’t. It’s only good for a short time and can leave you agitated. Give yourself time to come down.

• Employ good time management

practices. If you’re sitting there late when everyone else has gone home, your boss will ask why you can’t get your job done in normal hours. Bad look.

• Don’t be a martyr. Ask for help if you need it. Managers and colleagues are there to help.

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41

tntjobs.co.uk CAPITAL CAPTURE T: 020 7314 7700 www.capitalcapture.com Capital Capture is a document and data capture consultancy in London. We have many clients of all sizes - they are all important to us.

EXCELLENT EDUCATION T: 020 8458 4212 www.excellenteducation.biz Working alongside the Walt Disney Company, we are an entertainment company specialising in exciting opportunities abroad for self motivated candidates with recent and relevant experience.

PRIVATE T: 01520 733 235 We are a friendly, relaxed family with 3 happy, playful girls, a pony and 7 chickens, living beside the sea.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Support Co-ordinator Location: Old Street Salary: £19,000 You will be coordinating a very busy support desk. We support our clients’soultions and scanning hardware. You will need to be IT Literate and very organised.

Any experience of document imaging will be a plus.

Nav@capitalcapture.com.

JOB OF THE WEEK: English Teachers Location: One of seven exciting Chinese cities Salary: 10500.RMB PM We are looking for English speaking teachers for unique opportunities in China with Disney! You must be degree educated and have at least 2 years experience teaching English to children. Excellent conditions! Contact us now for an immediate interview!

Stacey McKendry | 020 8458 4212 | Stacey@excellenteduation.biz

JOB OF THE WEEK: Nanny on the Loch Location: Scottish Highlands Salary: Negotiable Polly (7), Jemima (4) and Daisy (1 month), looking for enthusiastic, fun loving live-in nanny with a cheerful disposition, in a stunning location.

Job is predominantly supervising older girls. Flexible hours to enable you to travel.

Driving license required.

Diana Thompson | 01520 733 235 | dmt4nanny@hotmail.co.uk

CAMINO T: 02078417330 www.camino.uk.com Camino is a vibrant award-winning Spanish bar and restaurant serving authentic delicious food and wines. Camino has been created as a place to enjoy the life, vigour and tastes of Spain.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Restaurant Manager Location: Kings Cross, London Salary: £17,000 - £22,000 Responsibilities may include: • Exceeding customers expectations at all times • Training, motivating and developing your team • Understanding P&L • Maintaining high levels of Cleanliness and standards throughout the business • Due diligence and compliance with all H&S and food Hygiene requirements Beki Hall | 020 7841 7330 | beki.h@camino.uk.com

T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £15,000 by Christmas!

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country.

See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night.

IPG

07716 376 408

STREETCAR T: 0203 004 7811 www.streetcar.co.uk The world’s largest pay-as-you-go car club, with cars around the corner across the world.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Member Services Team Location: Wimbledon, London Salary: £18-20K We need motivated and hard-working individuals to work in the Member Services Team where you will be providing excellent service on a range of issues including troubleshooting, taking bookings and dealing with member queries.

Ben Bailey | streetcar.co.uk/jobs | recruitment@streetcar.co.uk

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Sandra Parr | 020 3137 5350 | sandra.parr@tntmagazine.com

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CASH-SAVING TIPS HOT AND HEADY DEAL Xxxxxxxxx Make extra cash from you broken or old GHD hair XXXXXXXXX straighteners by recycling Xxxxxxxxxxx them. Send the appliance freepost (see HQhair.com) XXXXXXXXX and, in return, you’ll get Xxxxxxxxxxx a £15 credit voucher to buy beauty products or XXXXXXXXX new straighteners from Xxxxxxxxxxx the website. Plus, you’re helping the environment.

XXXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxxx

CLOBBER FOR LESS Run away with a bargain from upandrunning.co.uk or sweat shop.co.uk with running shoes and fitness clothing. Some items on the website are sold for 50 per cent less than the normal price purely because companies want to clear stock to make way for new models.

Often, the only difference between old and new stock is the colour.

HOW YOU SPEND IT! Any money-saving tips?

Always pay bills by direct debit as you’ll save loads.

If you’re saving set up a standing order to take out cash the day you’re paid so you can’t spend it.

PENNY ROBERTS, 24 JOB Analyst, Accenture FROM Somerset, UK LIVES Richmond How do you budget?

I once accused my sister of stealing my pocket money.

PARKOUR /60 TRAVEL DEALS /62

From then on my mum told me to keep track of my money in and money out, so now I have a spreadsheet where I track my finances.

Some might say it’s boring but it really helps me.

Last big blow-out?

A two-week holiday in Florida, which I’ve only just finished paying off!

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

My boyfriend calls them non-essential, but shoes are a weakness.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! They shoot, they score The London Aquatics Centre is now open, and, at £269m, it was no drop in the ocean. But when it comes to temples of sporting prowess, it seems no price is too grand

❚ Cowboys stadium, home of American football team the Dallas Cowboys, houses the largest HD video screen in the world and cost £800m to construct in 2009.

A CAPITAL IDEA Having a day out in London? Do it on the cheap using offers, discount vouchers and freebies available at voucherfreebies.co.uk.

The deals are searchable by location and include events and exhibitions.

Photos: Getty

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The Aquatics Centre

❚ Wembley Stadium, with its iconic 317-metre arch, making it the longest single span roof structure in the world, boasts 90,000 sheltered seats and rung in at £750m in 2007.

❚ It cost £790m to build the mammoth ASPIRE academy in Doha, which includes an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a 200-metre athletics track, football field, 11 tennis courts and more. ❚ Built in 1985, Aztec Stadium in Mexico remains the biggest football-specific sports venue in the world, costing £13m to build and seating 105,000.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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Joseph Joseph chopping board Itchy feet? Bring Italy to your own kitchen urbanoutfitters.co.uk

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Village in the city Battersea, SW11

0

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

iDock multicoloured speakers Bring back the nineties, one primary colour at a time heals.co.uk

.99 £19

Whoopie pie maker This nifty gadget cooks the classic dessert in only three minutes currys.co.uk

00 £6.

Paper clip clock Tell the time and display your pictures – who needs photo frames? tigerstores.co.uk 44

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If a village atmosphere is high on your list when you’re looking for somewhere to lay your head, move to Battersea. Its community atmosphere and glut of gastropubs, cafes and independent shops are a major draw for both young professionals and families. And once they arrive, they usually stick around.

Unlike some areas of London, Battersea has a close-knit vibe. “All the locals and businesses know each other,” says Adriana Greco, of Acquire estate agents in Battersea Park Road. “We look out for each other.”

Louise Shaw-Brown, of John D Wood & Co Lettings, also in Battersea Park Road, agrees: “People remain in Battersea because they feel comfortable here and enjoy the more sociable, village aspect.”

It’s also a hit with celebrities. Dannii Minogue lived in Battersea during her time on X Factor, and reality TV’s Davina McCall met her husband in Battersea Park.

Greco says: “You’ve got Bob Geldof and Peaches Geldof living around here. Vivienne Westwood’s studios are nearby and Michael McIntyre lives here.”

Battersea’s hangouts creates its buzz.

For café culture, gastropubs and restaurants, head to Battersea High Street – try the French Chez Manny (chezmanny. com), or for decadence visit the recently opened Bennett’s Oyster Bar & Brasserie (bennettsbrasserie.com).

Battersea newcomers find themselves in a middle-class foodie heaven – market days on Battersea High Street are Saturdays.

A local treasure is butcher-deli-patisserie

The Peace Pagoda in Battersea’s 200-acre park The Butcher & Grill (thebutcherandgrill.com), and the Foodies Festival hits Battersea every summer, with Michelin-star chefs and food from London’s top restaurants.

And the drinking holes? “You’ve got about 20-30 really good pubs in SW11,” says Jason Godfray, of Aspire estate agents in Battersea Bridge Road. “The Prince Albert on Albert Bridge Road is opposite the park. So you can go for a run and have a pint after.”

Much better than a trek to Hyde Park, the 200-acre Battersea Park has space for sports such as military fitness, tennis, rollerblading, boules, rowing and fishing.

In relation to the rest of London, Battersea has it good location-wise. Clapham is walkable for bars and clubs and Chelsea’s

King’s Road is just over Battersea Bridge for shopping, eating and art galleries.

A big pull to Battersea, says Godfray, is its affordability. Wandsworth, Battersea’s borough, is the cheapest in the country for

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MY AREA MAXINE FESTER 25, TV

researcher “A lot of people around here go out in Clapham so it’s quite sociable. I love going to Battersea Square. In the summer they have live music – it feels like you’re on holiday.”

BENEDETTA ROGORA 29, student

council tax, making a big difference on bills.

When it comes to rent, “You go over the bridge and prices are four or five times more expensive. It’s relatively good value for where it’s positioned,” Godfray adds.

Part of the reason rent is comparatively low is Battersea’s lack of a Tube station, although one is planned for 2017. But for now, getting around isn’t an issue – buses and trains from Clapham Junction or Battersea Park are regular and quick.

The most coveted areas are, predictably,

by Battersea Park, but more affordable

places to live can be found in nearby ex-council blocks or big Victorian houses.

Little India, says Shaw-Brown, is the place to find some good deals on Victorian terraced houses.

Battersea has affordable places to rent, great hangouts and is brilliantly located, but the area also has that rare villagey feel.

NEXT WEEK That’s what we call the best of How to pimp up both worlds. your balcony

“There’s just everything here.

There’s a really good restaurant called Galapagos Foods on Battersea High Street. I eat there more than in my own house!”

SALVATORE AGATE 28, chef

“It’s easy and near my work in Fulham. My favourite place in Battersea is the park because it’s very big, there’s a lot of space to spend time with friends.”

SW11 INFO BOROUGH

Wandsworth COUNCIL TAX

£687 per year TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: TNT

20 minutes FLATSHARE £715pcm

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1,235pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £1,950pcm

A three-bedroom house with a large roof terrace and edgy exposed brickwork, close to the shops and restaurants of Battersea Park Road and Clapham Junction.

A light first-floor apartment close to Battersea Park with a double bedroom, a modern bathroom and kitchen, reception room, high ceilings and a period fireplace.

First-floor flat in a highly coveted block around the corner from Battersea Park. Separate living room and kitchen with a modern bathroom and double bedrooms.

aspire.co.uk

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Dude, where’s your car?

PLATE AD FURORE NEW ZEALAND

The sale of a personalised number plate on a New Zealand website has provoked an avalanche of racial abuse.

Small-time internet trader Bruce Haliday listed the licence plate, reading “Maori”, for $99,000 (£51,000) but the auction attracted a barrage of comments, many of them racist. The mildest included: “Any maori that can afford this plate stole the monie” and: “Maybe donate half the money to a charity to help prevent maoris throwing their babies into walls?”

Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples said the comments represented the worst elements in society: “This is the dark side of social networking, where people can hide on Trade Me and Facebook and be anonymous while making remarks hurtful to others.”

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @JohnPiper A plea to all Christian book reviewers. Only the Bible is a “must read”. Really. Let’s drop this phrase forever. Seriously. @RelatableQuote YouTube: “This video is not available in your country.”

Where the hell am I from? Narnia? @Snape That awkward moment when someone says that Grimmauld Place is where “The Blacks” live, and it’s NOT racist.

SLEEVE-ROLLING BAN AUSTRALIA

A Gold Coast primary school that previously tried to ban hugging is now cracking down on students rolling up their sleeves.

William Duncan State School has added an unofficial rule, which bans turned up jumper sleeves, to its strict uniform policy.

The crackdown, announced at the Highland Park school’s assembly, has 46

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The ‘good viking, bad viking’ routine: These two jokers seem to have their roles confused. They’re at the Wacken Festival in northern Germany, which is a big deal for heavy metal fans. The black viking is getting a nice little henna tattoo, while his mate is in the background doing his best Blue Steel.

angered Amanda Craig, whose son Jayden attends the school.

“I went: ‘You’ve got to be kidding’ and a lady from the P&C standing near me said: ‘It doesn’t look right’,” she said.

The school last year warned against hugging, which parents said was political correctness gone mad. It backed down from the ban days later, after an intense backlash from parents.

POSTIE NICKED UNITED KINGDOM

A rogue postman has been sentenced to 200 hours of community service after being busted for a graffiti spree.

Darren Swain, 45, who called himself “the scarlet pimpernel of

the post office” defaced dozens of posters with abusive comments, including labelling tennis player Andy Murray a “useless Jock”.

Swain also scrawled “you will never catch me” across a poster entitled Dealing With Harassment Through Graffiti. On another, he threatened to “steal as much as possible and send as many letters to the wrong place as possible” after the sorting office where he worked closed for a month last year.

He was rumbled after Royal Mail investigators installed covert cameras to monitor the area after two of the posters featured “racist slurs”.

Swain, from Radford, Coventry, was sentenced at Coventry Magistrates’ Court.

Andy Murray: a useless Jock?

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Don’t accept sweets from strangers

THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 9

FISH LOVES KIT KATS UNITED KINGDOM

Staff at the London Aquarium have successfully weaned a giant gourami off his addiction to chocolate.

Gary, the 4kg, 40cm fish, got hooked after being fed an uninterrupted diet of Kit Kat bars by his previous owners and would eat nothing else. Staff at the aquarium, who inherited the fish, were initially puzzled as to why the fish refused to eat, until they learned about his sweet tooth.

They resorted to stuffing crushed Kit Kat pieces inside grapes and slices of banana, feeding these to Gary to persuade him to adopt a healthier diet.

According to Gary’s handler, Rebecca Carter: “I have never heard of a fish being fed chocolate, let alone being brought up entirely on the stuff.

“However, we would not recommend feeding fish confectionery of any kind.”

KOALA ON THE PROWL

Photos: Getty

AUSTRALIA

A randy koala had to be rescued from an open-cut coalmine in the Hunter Valley after he wandered down the shaft in search of a mate.

It is believed the koala, who may have travelled as far as two kilometres before stumbling into the mine, was rescued from a haul road deep in BHP Billiton’s Mount Arthur site. The animal was found by mine workers, who phoned a local wildlife aid volunteer.

Hunter Wildlife Rescue president Audrey Koosmen says it seems the male koala was looking for a mate.

“It’s coming up to breeding season,” she said. “This animal is a mature animal, his scent gland is starting to throb, I think he’s looking for some ladies and they wander around quite a lot in the breeding season.”

Get a room

Age of Haruka, a little Japanese girl who went toe-to-toe with Canadian wrestler Kenny Omega.

YouTube it. Funny stuff

Percentage boost in sales for Vimto in the Middle East, with Muslims guzzling the sugary drink during Ramadan

2

Percentage of Americans surveyed by Vanity Fair magazine who believed Pippa Middleton is actually a pornstar

Pairs of pants and socks fished out of the nation’s pipes last year, making them the fifth most common cause of blockages

NOISY EYEBALLS UNITED KINGDOM

A man who was able to hear his own eyeballs moving around in their sockets has been cured of his bizarre condition following an operation.

Six years ago, Charlton resident Stephen Mabbut, 57, found it increasingly difficult to hear the world around him. Although he tried to treat the symptoms with nasal sprays and antibiotics, Mabbut found his condition deteriorated to the point where his eyesight would pulsate when he spoke.

“When I raised my voice I could hear it reverberating in my head and the vibrations made my vision vibrate. Eventually I could hear my heart beating and my eyes moving in their sockets. It was really distracting,” he told the BBC. After being assessed by Martin Burton, a surgeon at the Oxford Radcliffe Hospital responsible for the Cochrane Ear, Nose and Throat Disorders Group, through the use of a CT scan, it was discovered that there were small perforations on the inside of the semicircular canals in the patient’s ear.

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALISON GRINTER alison.grinter@tntmagazine.com

Under pressure? Shane and Liz in New York

Aussies are crap tippers.

But there’s a good reason

Photos: Thinkstock

In defence of skinflint Australians ...

“What do you mean you don’t tip your hairdresser?!” My British workmates were horrified. Yep, I’m Australian and I’m a bad tipper. Even after 10-plus years in this country, I’m still astounded at the number of services I’m supposed to shell out for over and above the stated price.

Mind you, I’m not as bad as Mr Pink in Reservoir Dogs, who dismisses tipping waiting staff as “for the birds”. I always tip waiting staff around 10-12 percent - they get paid a pittance after all. But women’s hairdressers charge £70-plus for half-an-hour’s work – they make more money than I do! And don’t even get me started on cabbies …

It’s been revealed this month that Celebrity Cruises CEO Dan Hanrahan plans to educate Australians on “how to tip” when his company introduces a new cruise ship Down Under next year. “We will teach Aussies to tip,” he said patronisingly. “The tipping structure will be explained in our daily planner … We will deliver a level of service that guests are happy to reward.” Yeah, good luck with that, mate.

Aussies are arguably the worst tippers in the world. We’re not even ashamed of it. In fact, we’re a little bit proud of it. And why wouldn’t we be? Historically, Australia’s strong labour laws have meant even people in the services industry received a decent wage. As such, a tipping culture never flourished. We just prefer a price that covers all the costs.

Compare that to America. Going on holiday in the US, where tipping is practically an Olympic sport, is torture for an Aussie. There’s a reason why Americans are such generous tippers: service industry staff genuinely rely on tips to just to stay above the breadline.

Not that there’s always any rhyme or reason to who make the best tippers. A recent UK survey showed that people from Yorkshire are the worst, while Scots have been found to be very generous tippers indeed (possibly because they feel they have to offset their reputation as dour penny pinchers). The bottom line is: I’m fine about tipping people hovering close to minimum wage, but as for anyone else – that’s for the birds. » Agree or disagree? Are you a good tipper? Are Aussies tight? letters@tntmagazine.com

SHANE WARNE GOES METROSEXUAL Have you seen Shane Warne? One minute he was a burly, blonde-tipped bloke carrying a bit of a beer gut, as Aussie ex-cricketers are wont to do.

Suddenly two stone lighter, he’s now a sleek metrosexual who has had all his rough edges smoothed away, giving him the appearance of a Tussaud’s waxwork.

Hollywood has that effect on some people. Remember when lovely, down-toearth Leona Lewis emerged on the other side of the LA machine complete with trout-pout lips, straightened hair and a rumoured boob job?

Warne’s new squeeze, Liz Hurley, a

“

His rough edges have been smoothed away

”

fitness freak herself, is possibly behind her man’s bizarre new look, though Warnie denies this: “I have always taken pride in my appearance and an attack on EH is unfair,” he tweeted. Well if Liz isn’t behind Shane’s new look then he’d better be careful he doesn’t exfoliate away the man she fell for in the first place.

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I want my MTV Having revolutionised the way audiences relate to pop music, MTV now faces a struggle to remain relevant WORDS TOM STURROCK As though prophesying its own sweeping influence, MTV launched in August 1981 by playing The Buggles’ Video Killed The Radio Star. The following hour featured videos from Pat Benatar, Rod Stewart, Cliff Richard and Styx – and the intersection of media and music was forever altered. In the 30 years since, MTV has cast a long shadow, transforming the way musicians were presented to an audience. Artists who made best use of the new format, the likes of Michael Jackson and Madonna, were catapulted to a new level of fame. MTV made pop music bankable and became a by-word for mass-market youth culture.

But, according to John Street, a professor of politics at the University of East Anglia who specialises in popular culture, the 21st century has not been kind to the station.

“MTV was crucial to the way the music industry became more mainstream and it brought pop music into the home,” Street says. “But it also drove the incentive to sponsor popular music, for people to get involved for commercial benefit and the way pop music became a global media marketing utility, joining Hollywood. It changed the way we thought about pop music.

“And we now see it in possibly terminal decline because of the advent of YouTube.”

It is no exaggeration to say that, in MTV’s halcyon days, it reshaped the way the music industry did business, creating a multimedia platform for record labels to promote their acts. It was no longer just about the song or the album, but the collage of images illustrating the music and fleshing out an identity for the artist.

“It became unthinkable to sell music without having a video, because that was the medium where people would access it,” Street says. “For people in marketing departments at record companies, it became a very big question when promoting a band: ‘What do they look like? How do we represent them in the video?’ So the packaging of pop came 50

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to rely heavily on the images within the music video.”

As the promotional power of these mini-films became clear, greater resources, both financial and creative, were assigned. In the days of the Beatles and The Rolling Stones, a taped live performance was sufficient, but music videos quickly became more ambitious, more high-concept.

“

It changed the way we think about pop

”

“It really created a new vocabulary for representing music,” Street says. “I think if you ask people about big hits of the Eighties and Nineties, the sound and the image will be in their heads together. I don’t think anyone can think of Michael Jackson’s Thriller without thinking of the video. So it’s affected our sensibility toward music quite profoundly.

“It’s no longer just a band lip-synching to their backing track,” Street says. “They’re mini-films and that’s where you get this interchange, the aesthetics of glossy magazines and soft-porn thrown in there. The videos really create a separate narrative and that’s because, as more videos were produced, it became more and more competitive and there was greater investment in getting people’s attention.”

The marketing imperative aside, Street suggests that, because the ‘vocabulary’ of the music video is now so ubiquitous, so influential, it demands to be taken seriously as an art form.

“Its impact is to be understood in developing a new film language, the way the games industry today has changed Hollywood films,” he says. “In a previous era, MTV was that

Photos: Getty; YouTube

Clockwise: Madonna; Rihanna; Britney

emergent art form. And there are instances of genuine imagination and innovation. You look at someone like Madonna, her videos for Like A Prayer or Vogue – she was someone very conscious of how you could play with images and it was very powerful.

“Then an artist like Peter Gabriel, whose videos made extraordinary use of various technology where you shoot it one frame at a time, which no doubt spawned all sorts of imitators.”

Dating back to MTV’s early wrangling over its supposed under-representation of black musicians, the music video has traditionally punched above its weight when it comes to controversy. Today, the furore du jour is about the rising tide of sexualisation in video clips, particularly where female artists such as Rihanna or Britney Spears are concerned.

Street points out that music videos pushing the envelope is nothing new. Indeed, he suggests the courting of controversy is no more than a tactic to retain its audience.

“When you look at someone like Rihanna, there are echoes in what Prince was doing in the Eighties and Nineties,” he says. “A lot of pop culture’s moral panics might seem new, but they repeat endlessly, albeit in new guises.”

Street also suggests the skew towards the shocking and the scandalous is more about the need to attract an audience than any deep-seated misogyny. It is, in his view, the same market forces that have forced MTV to re-fashion itself as a round-the-clock reality TV network, offsetting its waning influence and appeal in the music industry.

“MTV has become increasingly irrelevant to the way pop music is marketed and distributed,” he says. “It’s no longer where the industry looks to sell its product. So as a purveyor of music, it’s become less important but still has to find way of attracting an audience.“ It seems that, having hit 30, MTV will need a full-body makeover if it’s to make it to 40.

COURTING CONTROVERSY THE TOP FIVE VIDEOS Stan by Eminem (2002) The tale of an obsessed fan got censors fired up, with scenes of Dido bound and gagged cut from the video that aired on MTV. Smack My Bitch Up by The Prodigy (1997) Shot entirely in point-of-view style, the video depicts a major bender involving sex, drugs and violence before a neat twist. s(AINT) by Marilyn Manson (2004) Manson cuts himself, snorts cocaine, jerks off and gets stuck into some S&M. His label refused to air it in the US. Closer by Nine Inch Nails (1994) There’s a monkey on a crucifix and a decapitated pig’s head. Pretty much the archetype for imitators doing ‘edgy’ music videos.

Like A Prayer by Madonna (1989) Madonna has sex with a black man in a church and then sings in front of a field of burning crosses. The Pope banned her from Italy.

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Indecisive: Harry Kewell

KEWELL PLAYS IT COOL FOOTBALL

Harry Kewell’s footballing future remains unclear after Melbourne Victory caved in on their ultimatum to the procrastinating Socceroo.

The Victory now say they are in the final stages of discussions with Kewell, further extending negotiations which have dragged on for nearly two months.

After slapping a Thursday deadline on Kewell to accept their offer or have it withdrawn, then massaging the timeframe out to Friday to allow for European time, the A-League club performed a major U-turn.

“Melbourne Victory Football Club can confirm that it is in the final stages of discussions with Harry Kewell and his management. We expect to be in a position to announce an outcome shortly,” the Victory said in a statement.

Kewell has been linked with Dubaibased club Al Ahli but the Victory are still hoping to secure what would be the biggest drawcard in A-League history.

TRADE CHANGE AFOOT AUSTRALIAN RULES

The AFL will consider a mid-season trade period, an innovation that would dramatically change the system that enables players to switch clubs.

The proposal was put forward at Thursday’s meeting of club chief executives and was apparently well-received.

Mid-season trades are allowed in professional sports such as Major League Baseball in North America.

The AFL has already agreed to introduce limited free agency.

“It was interesting today to see there was a genuine level of support to explore it further and to see whether it was something that would really add to the flexibility of players moving between clubs,” AFL operations manager Adrian Anderson said.

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Up close and personal: St George-Illawarra’s Jamie Soward and Wests Tigers’ Robbie Farrah got acquainted when their sides clashed last Friday night. The Tigers clawed their way back from 8-0 down to post an upset victory, with Benji Marshall the star. It was the Tigers’ fourth win in a row, cementing their status as this year’s late-season bolter.

CAMPO LIKES CARTER RUGBY UNION

Wallabies fans might like to think that Quade Cooper is closing on All Blacks star Dan Carter in the battle to be the world’s premier flyhalf, but Australian great David Campese isn’t buying it.

Campese, the star of Australia’s 1991 World Cup triumph, reckons Carter is more reliable than Cooper, whose defensive game is still a major weakness.

“I think he’s a very good player, Quade Cooper, but if you want a player to rely on 99 per cent of the time then Dan Carter is the guy you pick,” Campese said.

Campese said the only similarity he and Cooper share “is we both can’t tackle.”

“But I was a winger; the position he’s in he’s got to learn it’s great to attack but you have got to do the defence as well.”

BIG WEEK FOR ...

All eyes will be on Rory McIlroy when the US PGA gets under way on Thursday. The 22-year-old Irishman was trumpeted as golf’s next big thing after he won the US Open in June, only to go missing at the British Open last month. That tournament was played in seriously unhospitable conditions but McIlroy seemed almost resigned to being an also-ran.

Those who believe McIlroy is the natural heir to Tiger Woods’s throne – minus the affairs with pornstars – will be hoping for a more tenacious showing in Johns Creek.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK If Harry comes back, will he be playing in the next World Cup? If I was a betting man, I would say no Former Socceroos captain Paul Wade says Harry Kewell will shorten his international career if he heads home

The future is now: Michael Clarke takes the reins

PREVIEW Australia begins the long climb back AUSTRALIA V SRI LANKA

WEDNESDAY AND SUNDAY 10AM, BRITISH EUROSPORT 2 If Australian cricket is at a low ebb, then the resurgence must begin, in theory, with the current tour to Sri Lanka, where five ODIs will be followed by three Tests.

Australia remains a quality outfit in 50-over cricket, reflected by the decision to pick a similar squad to the one that endured a disappointing World Cup. The message is clear – although the Test side is battling, Australia’s 50-over side remains

top-tier. As such, experimenting with young players is not yet the order of the day.

That said, a subtle demographic shift is under way – although Ricky Ponting and Mike Hussey remain first-choice players, Michael Clarke and Shane Watson now fill the leadership roles. Australia may have chosen not to throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to 50-over cricket but it’s casting around for shiny new basins.

Among the newer faces, John Hastings will be given the chance to cement a spot as an all-rounder and, having been anointed as his country’s best young paceman, James Pattinson must now prove himself.

THE CHAT | South American struggles

I told him the majority of it comes down to mental strength. It’s going to be extremely difficult for a first-timer NRL veteran Hazem El Masri reckons newly converted Muslim Cory Paterson will struggle to fast during Ramadan

I told him to get married to an American and that’ll make it easier Washinton Redskins coach Mike Shanahan on the visa problems of his Australian punter, Sav Rocca

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

TENNIS Sergio Aguero cut it in the Premier League Q Will or join the list of South American flops?

Argentine has joined Manchester City from Atletico A The Madrid for a cool £38m but that’s no guarantee he will deliver. Indeed, there’s a long list of highly rated South Americans who have struggled to adapt to the Premier League.

The physical style of football in this country – and maybe just the crappy weather – proved too much for Robinho, Juan Sebastian Veron, Diego Forlan and Hernan Crespo. Conversely, the likes of Carlos Tevez and Gus Poyet have prospered. As an under-sized striker, Aguero undoubtedly represents an expensive gamble by City’s owners, but they will be hoping his exceptional talent gets him over the line.

Toronto Masters All the big guns are ready to fire up Every day 5pm, Sky Sports 4

CRICKET England v India, third Test The hosts will hope to finish the job Wednesday 10.30am, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY South Africa v Australia Sergio Aguero

The Tri-Nations continues Saturday 5pm, Sky Sports 3

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

High fives all-round: when’s the parade?

Hold the champagne – is England really the top side?

South Africa have lost just one Test series in the past five years

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It’s that time of year again in the AFL. Towards the end of the regular season, talk turns to tanking, the suggestion struggling teams take their foot off the pedal to improve their draft position.

This year, though, the pot has been stirred by Dean Bailey, the former Melbourne Demons coach sacked last week. Bailey admitted that, in his first two seasons: “I had no hesitation at all in the first two years in ensuring the club was well-placed for draft picks.”

Bailey’s comments reveal an emphasis on development, sometimes at the expense of winning. This is not particularly shocking;

“

This time of year, talk turns to tanking

”

most struggling teams would take the same approach, even if draft picks weren’t part of the equation.

The problem, though, arises out of the AFL’s partnerships with the gaming industry and the possibility of litigation from disgruntled punters claiming the teams they backed weren’t trying.

Photos: Getty Images

As the moment of glory nears for the English cricket team, the pundits who have waited an age for this moment in the sun start to salivate, their beady little eyes widen and their face grows flush with the excitement of it all. They’re like small children, the training wheels finally off their bikes, whizzing down the steepest hill in their neighbourhood.

It is perhaps churlish to burst their bubble, to point out that, even with England able to secure the No 1 ranking this week, South Africa’s record over the journey is superior.

The Proteas, for example, have lost just one series in the past five years – against Australia in South Africa in 2009. The last time England played South Africa in 200910, they escaped with a 1-1 draw, but twice England’s last-wicket pair hung on to avoid defeat. In reality, a 3-1 win to South Africa would have more accurately reflected the balance of the series. How threadbare would England’s claim to pre-eminence look had South Africa managed to claim those two extra wickets?

These hypotheticals count for little, of course, and England have played brilliantly against Australia, Sri Lanka and India. These nations are not minnows and English excellence left them offering only insipid resistance. The stars for England have been, with the bat, Alastair Cook, Jonathan Trott and Ian Bell, while James Anderson and Graeme Swan have shone with the ball, although a feature of this English side has been the depth of its pace attack.

It is worth noting, though, that South Africa has plenty of guns in its arsenal as well.

Jacques Kallis, AB de Villiers and Hashim Amla have scored as heavily, perhaps more so, than their English counterparts and if James Anderson has taken the next step over the past year, he has yet to match the standard set by Dale Steyn since 2007.

So England will be No 1 and there will probably be a parade. But at the end of all the giddy self-congratulation, the team will need to climb back to the top of the hill if they are to go whizzing thrillingly down it all over again. That’s what South Africa have been doing for the past five years.

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Tight at the top The Premier League returns this weekend and the top six are more evenly matched than they’ve been for years WORDS TOM STURROCK It’s going to be a long ride, so strap in. For the next nine months, you can expect an uninterrupted diet of football.

There may be 20 teams in the Premier League but, with apologies to fans of Stoke City, Sunderland and the rest of the faceless clubs based somewhere north of London, it’s all about the pointy end. And this year the struggle between the top six looks likely to be more closely fought than ever.

So how do they stack up? Will Arsenal’s beautiful football carry the day? Can Andre Villas-Boas put Chelsea back on top? How long will the Anfield recovery last? Has the time arrived for nouveau-riche Manchester City? Or will United put them back in their box? And should Tottenham finally be taken seriously?

Arsenal Overall: A season of uncertainty looms at the Emirates, and Arsenal could find themselves out of the top four for the first time since 1995-96. After capitulating toward the end of last season, the pressure on Arsenal is intensifying.

The stars: Gunners fans would happily nominate Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri but given there’s no guarantee that either will be hanging around, Arsenal may need to find new talismans. If Fabregas and Nasri go, a heavy burden will fall on the shoulders of 19-year-old Jack Wilshere.

The manager: Arsenal’s recent trophy-drought threatens to take some of the sheen off Arsene Wenger’s glorious record.

Admirably, he has refused to spend inflated sums of money on players but, should two of his stars leave, he may find the game has moved on without him.

Chelsea Overall: After Chelsea appeared certainties to win back-toback league titles, the wheels fell off, to the point where their spot in the top four came under threat. But they recovered to finish second and, heading into the new season, 56

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

must be considered second favourites behind United.

The stars: It’s been a quiet off-season at Stamford Bridge, although there’s still time for Roman Abramovich to throw the kitchen sink at someone who catches his eye. It means Chelsea will rely on Didier Drogba up front and John Terry at the back, while Brazilian David Luiz could be the bolter.

The manager: Baby-faced Portuguese Andre Villas-Boas’s first task will be to marshal the egos in the Chelsea dressing room. At Stamford Bridge, the manager must also negotiate the whims of Abramovich.

Liverpool Overall: Since finishing second in 2008-09, Liverpool have slumped to seventh and sixth. But some shrewd spending in the transfer market has given the Kop a new lease of life and a burgeoning optimism about the season ahead.

The stars: Steven Gerrard (main image) remains the main man but the key to the club’s fortunes this season may lie in the double-pronged strikeforce of Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez. The pair was bought with the £50m netted by the sale of Fernando Torres to Chelsea and early indications suggest Liverpool got the better end of that deal.

The manager: Returning Anfield hero Kenny Dalglish has the support of the fans the way Roy Hodgson never did and Liverpool’s rapid improvement after he arrived last season suggests the fairytale may have a few chapters to run yet.

Manchester City Overall: Last season brought a landmark FA Cup victory and a top-four finish. That won’t be enough to satisfy City’s oil-rich owners, though. Having spent millions on players, City must get serious about winning the league.

The stars: Carlos Tevez doesn’t look like he’ll be sticking around but why should City be worried when they have Sergio Aguero, David Silva and Mario Balotelli ready to step

[Caption]

Clockwise: David Silva; Wayne Rooney and Andre Villas-Boas

into the breach? And, depending on how the Tevez saga ends, there may be another big fish on the way to Eastlands.

The manager: Italian Roberto Mancini is in charge of one of football’s most audacious projects and has so far earned a pass mark. Given the expenditure of City’s owners, though, a season without a trophy would leave him vulnerable.

Manchester United Overall: It wasn’t all smooth sailing last season, but United held their nerve when other teams went missing and were rewarded with a 19th league title. They remain the benchmark domestically.

The stars: The current United side certainly lacks the pizzazz of previous incarnations and is built more around graft and team discipline than individual brilliance. But that could all change if Wayne Rooney rediscovers his best form.

The manager: Alex Ferguson turns 70 in December and has spent 25 of those years at Old Trafford. He remains as ferociously competitive as when he arrived from Aberdeen and will relish the challenge of keeping United on top.

Photos: Getty Images

Tottenham Hotspur Overall: After plenty of false dawns under a string of managers who promised much but delivered little, Tottenham under Harry Redknapp appear to be the real deal.

The consistency of their performances over the past two seasons reflects a stability long missing at White Hart Lane.

The stars: Tottenham’s rise has been built on the back of their attacking midfield. Gareth Bale has emerged as the best young British player since Wayne Rooney, while Rafael van der Vaart and Luka Modric provide extra goal-scoring options.

The manager: Redknapp bristles at the label of ‘wheelerdealer’ because it implies impropriety but his streetwise approach has been a perfect fit at Tottenham, where smarts and steel were often in short supply.

Queens Park Rangers celebrate promotion

AND AT THE OTHER END: WHO’LL GET RELEGATED? If, at the start of the new season, you’re betting on the three sides that will finish bottom three and get relegated to the Championship, you’ll generally get short odds on the sides that have just been promoted.

But one need only look at last season, when Newcastle and West Bromwich Albion recorded respectable mid-table finishes, to see that promoted sides can confound expectations.

This season, Queens Park Rangers and Norwich City have at least a fighting chance up staying up beyond their first season of promotion. Both are well-funded and have managed their rosters astutely. It will be tougher, though, for Swansea City to stay in the Premier League. Of the sides that played in the Premier League last season, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Wigan were fortunate to avoid relegation and will be among those facing the chop this time around.

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SEE PAGE 69

London Liverpool Street to Amsterdam from ÂŁ39 all in Rail & Sail www.stenaline.co.uk or 08445 762 762

This is a day sailing price, and needs to be booked at least 14 days in advance. Compulsory cabins required for overnight sailings. Subject to availability. Terms & conditions apply.

TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | HOLIDAY SNAPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

UNDERWATER LIFE A diver swims with a spotted eagle ray at the Sunshine Aquarium in Tokyo. The aquarium is situated on top of a building, and reopened last week following a one-year renovation

Photos: Getty; Mike Anton, Szilard Regos/GeoScenic foto; TNT

INSIDE

PARKOUR LIFE /60

HUNGARY ROCKS /70

FULL MONTE /76

Make like Spider-Man and leap across the seaside town of Eastbourne with a freerunning lesson

Pack your super powers to help navigate the taxing 20km of channels snaking underground in Budapest – you’ll need them

Imagine a country where women still hitchhike, doughnuts are eaten for breakfast and wild wolves live in the mountains TNTMAGAZINE.COM

59

TRAVELDIARY Janine Kelso

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August Bank Holiday spectacular: Notting Hill Carnival

NOTE FROM TRAVEL EDITOR

TELL US YOUR TRAVEL STORIES! I hope you’re enjoying our new-look travel section. As we love to hear all about your travel experiences, we want you to share your stories of your dream and nightmare holidays.

Did you have a ball at Rio Carnival or did you find love on a Mediterranean beach? And when it comes to holidays from hell, did you loathe a particular country or town, or did you get struck down with malaria while on your travels?

My best-ever trip was a ninemonth backpacking adventure to South America, beginning in Venezuela and finishing in Colombia. My mate and I hangglided over Rio; danced in salsa clubs in sizzling Cali, Colombia; and saw penguins in Argentina.

We also got robbed three times, but it remains my number-one trip.

On the downside, my worst-ever holiday was a three-week road-trip in south Bali. I expected an island paradise and found a traffic-choked tourist trap of a destination.

I got fed-up of being relentlessly hassled by beach hustlers, who would sit next to me for up to an hour, trying to massage me or bedeck me in jewellery while I tried to relax and read.

But the cherry on the crapholiday cake came when my boyfriend and I had our passports stolen, forcing us to remain on the island for another week while we sorted out replacement documents.

It wasn’t all bad – I loved having a traditional Balinese massage in cultural Ubud and diving with manta rays, but the overall experience was so negative that I would never to go back there.

Sorry Bali!

Europe’s biggest street festival is frenzied and frenetic: more than twomillion people pack the streets of West London to watch the parade, 28-29 dance or eat Caribbean food. London is split between those for whom this is the best party of the year and those who find the crowds a bit full-on.

AUG

WHERE: The main parade begins on Great Western Road, then winds its way along Chepstow Road on to Westbourne Grove, then Ladbroke Grove.

WHY: It began in 1964 as a celebration of the local community, but has its roots in traditional Caribbean carnivals.

JOUSTING OF THE SARACENS Arezzo, Italy

Eight costumed knights on horses, two from each of 4 Arezzo’s four rival districts, joust in the city’s piazza. No blood is spilled as contestants score points by lancing a wooden target.

SEPT

italia.it/en

HENLEY-ON-TODD REGATTA Alice Springs, Australia

There’s no water in the sandy River Todd, but that 20 doesn’t stand in the way of these desert folk. A fleet of bottomless ‘boats’ is raced on foot.

There’s also a sand-ski race and loads of booze.

AUG

Henleyontodd.com.au

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DO IT BECAUSE: Stunning costumes, decorated floats, steel-drum bands, more than 40 massive sound systems, food, drink and a sea of drunk, dancing people. Not your idea of fun? Shame on you!

HOW MUCH: Free thenottinghillcarnival.com

SUN BEATZ

Ibiza, Spain SEPT

4- 14

Five nights of drum and bass, boat parties and BBQs. Knackered just writing that.

sunbeatz.co.uk

UMHLANGA

ILobamba, Swaziland Thousands of Zulu girls dance with umhlanga 10 (reeds) above their heads, hoping to attract a partner.

SEPT

welcometoswaziland.com

BIRDSVILLE RACES

Birdsville, Australia

The population of this remote town grows from 2-3 100 to 6000 as horse-racing enthusiasts descend.

SEPT

birdsvilleraces.com

Photos: Getty

Email your best/worst trips to janine.kelso@tntmagazine.com

NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL London, UK

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US IS WORST FOR HOLIDAY WEIGHT GAIN Travellers holidaying in the US piled on an average of 8Ib in two weeks thanks to its proliferation of all-you-can-eat buffets and generous portions. Holidaymakers to Caribbean resorts gained an average 7.4Ib on their trip, visitors to France gained 7.3Ib stuffing their faces with cheese, and Italian tourists put on 7Ib gorging on pizza and pasta, according to research by weight-loss company Obesimed.

Four in 10 blamed alcohol for their weight gain, while half said larger portions were at fault.

Photos: Thinkstock

Go large: big portions in the US

SPAIN’S BULLFIGHTS GIVEN CULTURAL STATUS

HIGH EUROPEAN PETROL PRICE WARNING

FACEBOOK FUELS HOLIDAY ENVY

Bullfighting has been declared a “cultural product” by the Spanish government, protecting it from being banned due to pressure from animal rights campaigners. The controversial sport was made illegal in Catalonia last year after a law was passed against it. Bullfighting fans feared the tradition would be outlawed in other regions of Spain, so they lobbied the government for support to protect the business.

The move has angered animal welfare groups.

Drivers planning a road trip across Europe this summer are being warned to fill up with fuel in the UK before taking a ferry in a bid to save money. The RAC says petrol prices in Europe have mushroomed due to the weakness of the pound against the euro. Eight countries in Europe currently have higher average petrol prices than in the UK, including France, Italy and Portugal.

On the plus side, Spain has petrol prices at 123p a litre, lower than 136p in Britain.

One in four travellers have booked a foreign trip after feeling jealous when seeing a friend’s holiday photos on Facebook. Australia, Bahamas and Barbados top the list of destinations most likely to induce envy, according to research by Teletext Holidays. Holiday bragging is rife, with a quarter of travellers regularly updating their social networking profile when they’re abroad, gloating about the weather and the fun they’re having.

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Flipping out: parkour offers a different perspective on life

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Eastbourne

ENGLAND

ENGLAND WALES London

Eastbourne

GETTING THERE Return train tickets from London to Eastbourne cost from £10pp with Southern Railways (eastcoast.co.uk)

For late-night fast-food venues galore, head to Susan's Road and Seaside Road.

For views of the pier and Beachy Head, swing by the Belgium Cafe on the Grand Parade, famed for its fresh seafood dishes, particularly its mussels, which can be washed down with a choice of more than 50 Belgian beers (thebelgiancafe.co.uk).

Complete the South Street Shuffle, a Real Ale Trail along South Street, taking in its many CAMRA-accredited (Campaign for Real Ale) pubs, including Dew Drop Inn (37-39 South Street) and The Dolphin. Get a £5 food voucher for collecting drink stamps from each pub (dolphinflats.com).

When the sun sets, head to student drinking holes such as Atlantis, Kings, Greenhouse, Venus V Bar and TJs.

Brighton Rocks; Eastbourne seafront, above; and below (l-r) parkour and Eastbourne Pier

Crash at designer budget accommodation The Big Sleep Hotel, part-owned by John Malkovich. Double rooms from £59 per night, including breakfast (thebigsleephotel.com).

For friendly budget accommodation, stay at Devonia Guesthouse, a Victorian property on the seafront. Rooms from £70 per night (devoniaeastbourne.com).

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UKTRIP

Parkour life Make like Spider-Man and leap across the seaside town of Eastbourne with a free-running lesson

Photos: Eastbourne Tourism Department; Getty

WORDS LEO OWEN

I repeatedly tumble, propelling my body forwards, attempting to ensure my shoulders absorb the impact.

As an incredibly clumsy person able to fall over on flat ground without any obstacles, I approach this day with trepidation. Since first seeing the opening sequence of Casino Royale, I've been interested in parkour but I never imagined I'd be able to have a stab at it without breaking anything.

Luckily, my instructor, 30-year-old Andy Nox (known as Noxsta), who runs the Urban Shadows Parkour team, is very clear about the importance of safety. You'd be forgiven for mistaking parkour for a dangerous adrenaline sport if you've merely watched Daniel Craig monkeying around or seen Jake Gyllenhaal building-hopping on the big screen in The Prince Of Persia.

Parkour has existed since the beginning of mankind with hunter-gatherers using it to survive, but it has only been given a name in the past few decades, recently receiving widespread recognition.

Those practising the sport (traceurs) aim to get from A to B in the fastest and safest way, using only their bodies to creatively utilise all obstacles.

Unlike other extreme sports, parkour is not just about agility and natural highs but is also concerned with the improvement of the mind, challenging traceurs to overcome limitations and the restraints of their inhibitions while enhancing self-confidence.

With the most extreme parkour moves in mind, I'm grateful when Andy leads me to a quiet field in the centre of Eastbourne but not so pleased when he instructs me to run twice around its perimeter. After a lap I'm panting and side-stepping before he has me running backwards and doing a series of floor stretches, stressing the importance of warming up.

Now the not-so-fun-bit is over with, I'm on to a dizzying 'parkour roll' – like a gymnastics-style forward roll but performed with a sideways motion, rather than head on – and I'm soon laughing my way through combinations of small jumps with runs and rolls.

When it comes to attempting 'the lazy' (using my arms to vault over a wall with sideways-positioned legs) it seems my body is taking the name too literally and I instead opt for a

slightly more successful 'split vault' – propelling my body over the wall one leg at a time – before Andy wraps up my onehour lesson by demonstrating 'precision' – a small jump from one exact point to another.

Living up to its name as the "sunniest place in the UK", Eastbourne is apparently a traceur's paradise.

As I bask in the sun, Andy tells me some of its merits: "We have all the groynes and rails along the seafront, offering some terrific high drops, and an amazing section of roof-tops. Plus, Sovereign Harbour comes complete with

“

Parkour has existed since the days of the hunter–gatherer

”

moving bridges." Aside from being a traceur’s playground, Eastbourne’s popular with filmmakers and has been voted a top staycation spot, winning the 2010 UK's Most HolidayFriendly Destination award.

Surrounded by the South Downs with the beautiful Beachy Head nearby, the city offers spectacular scenery and plenty of original Victorian architecture, providing the perfect backdrop for films such as Made In Dagenham and the recent remake of Brighton Rock.

In 2008’s Angus, Thongs And Perfect Snogging, Robbie tells Georgia that Eastbourne is “the new Brighton”.

The town might have once been considered the UK's retirement NEXT WEEK capital, but with a growing student population and an emerging Get off the beaten parkour scene, Eastbourne is track in rural Ireland certainly undergoing an image change for the better.

Private one-hour lessons cost £20pp or £30 for two people with a negotiable price for larger groups Email: nockienoo@yahoo.com

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LATEDEALS

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DEAL OF THE WEEK

Military Tattoo: A four-day tour of Edinburgh is £225 with Contiki

OKTOBERFEST A

£141

four-day Oktoberfest Closing Week tour is £141 with Travel Talk (020

8099 8852; traveltalktours. com). Includes B&B

accommodation. Excludes flights.

Departs Oct 1. Book by Aug 30.

< £250

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TURKEY A seven-day Aegean Explorer tour is £399 with On The Go Tours (020 7371 1113; onthegotours.com). Visit exotic Istanbul, Gallipoli, Roman Ruins, the Aegean Coast and Pamukkale’s cascading mineral pools. Departs Aug 20.

GREECE An eight-day Sail Greece (Bodrum-Mykonos) tour is £274 (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours. com). Includes seven nights’ B&B accommodation, seven lunches and one dinner. Visit Mykonos, Paros, Naxos, Santorini, Kos, Laros and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Departs Oct 1. Book by Aug 30.

EGYPT A nine-day Tutankhamen tour is £279 (save £70) with On The Go (020 7371 1113; onthegotours. com). Includes ancient Thebes, the Pyramids, Nile felucca cruising and the Valley of the Kings. Departs Aug 13.

> £500 KENYA & TANZANIA A 13-day Kenya & Tanzania Adventure tour is £500 (was £625) plus local payment of £598 with Acacia Africa (020 7706 4700; acacia-africa.com). Combine wildlife viewing in the Ngorongoro Crater with a stay on Zanzibar.

Departs Aug 21 from Nairobi.

EASTERN EUROPE A nine-day Best Of The East tour of Germany, Poland, Slovakia and Hungary is £761 (was £895) with Topdeck (0845 257 5212; topdeck.travel).

Includes B&B accommodation, four dinners and coach travel. Excludes flights. Departs Sep 4 and Oct 16.

GREECE A 13-day Greek Island Hopping tour is £1062 (save £187) with Contiki (0845 075 0990; contiki.com/island-hopping).

Includes Athens, Mykonos, Ios, Santorini and more. Departs Sep 17.

Quote: PPGIH0801.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

ING HOPPgato CLUB 27/0 r 8 – Navi WEEK Split Return Cruise • Hvar – Nautica Bar & Carpe Diem Beach

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CROATIA An eight-day Sail Croatia (Split to Dubrovnik) tour is £249 with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours.com).

Includes seven nights’ above-deck accommodation and most meals. Visit Split, Brac, Hvar, Korcula, Mijet and more. Excludes flights, local payment and fuel supplements. Departs Sep 18.

Book by Aug 30.

ITALY Three nights B&B accommodation during the Palio di Siena horse race is £89pp for camping and £119pp for cabins with Festival Adventures (020 7602 5439; http://festivaladventures. com). Excludes flights. Departs Aug 14.

MALTA One night in a shared dorm of Granny’s Inn Hostel, in Sliema, is £15.70 (grannysinn.com).

SCOTLAND A four-day Edinburgh Festival and Military Tattoo tour is £225 (save £50) with Contiki (0845 075 0990; contiki.com/tattoo).

Includes accommodation, a tour of Edinburgh castle, Holyrood Palace and the Royal Mile, plus tickets to the Military Tattoo. Departs Aug 26.

EGYPT A nine-day Sinai Horizons tour is £196 (was £245) with Topdeck Travel (0845 257 5212; topdeck.travel). Includes B&B accommodation and transport by minibus. Visit Dahab, the Pyramids, the Egyptian Museum and more.

Excludes flights. Departs Aug 13.

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HOTSHOTS

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@tntmagazine LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Back in time SEPIA Sepia is an effect you can create with black and white photography.

It is achieved by warming the tones. Some compact cameras have a feature that will allow you to shoot in sepia mode but you can also create the effect yourself.

The easiest way is by adding some red to your image, but

there are many more complicated techniques to doing this, and you will find lots of tutorials on the internet. This method is quite trendy at the moment as smartphone apps, like Hipsamatic, make it easy to carry out. It can change the whole look and feel of your photo, so be careful, as it may not work with every image.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER FOOTBALL BUSKER ON TOP OF MONTMARTRE PARIS Jono Ettema, Dunedin, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS The colours in this image – a cold blue and a washed-out grey – give it a dark, moody feel and add to the sense of mystery Jono has created. Who is the busker playing for? We will never know, and can only surmise, using our imaginations to fill the gaps. Placing the boy on the left of the frame is a great choice of composition and sets the scene well.

RUNNER-UP EARLY MORNING SWIM Eliana Parra Rodriguez, Venezuela

WHY IT WORKS Eliana’s shot captures the movement of the waves and the children playing in the sea. The mountains in the distance help give the shot more depth. There is a sense of fun and youth to this image and choosing to transform it to sepia has given it a timeless feel. A low shutter speed will help capture movement, and blur can add artistic merit.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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WIN

2011 Event Dates: 27.08: Club Hopping Week 24.09: Endless Summer Week 01.10: Rocktober Fest

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1

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CUBA

Camping for lazy people

TANGERINE FIELDS OVERVIEW It’s a genius idea: rows of pre-pitched tents, available at most UK and Irish festivals, mean you can bowl up, chuck down your bag and start partying.

Even more joyous is leaving a festival without having to strike camp, a hellish experience usually done in the pouring rain with a hangover. Inflatable beds and sleeping bags are available at an extra cost, meaning you can travel light. The service is taking off, with 25,000 people using Tangerine Fields last summer.

WOW FACTOR If you can’t get your head around the idea of paying someone just to pitch and take down your tent, book one of the fancier models. Tipi’s, yurt’s, Gypsy caravans and four-person hammock tents are all on offer.

Your camping area will also have clean toilets, hot showers and, at some festivals, ‘Added Juice’ extras including Pamper Parlours where you can, erm, straighten your hair.

Sleeping bags can be taken away with you or left for Tangerine Fields to donate to charity.

BILL PLEASE At Bestival, a two-person tent is £125, a four-person £270.

A four-person hammock tent is £800.

A two-person airbed is £20, a sleeping bag is £17.

tangerinefields.co.uk, Festivals still to come this year include Bestival, The Big Chill, Leeds, Reading, Creamfields, Green Man, Rewind, End of the Road

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The “get there before Castro dies” hype surrounding Cuba has worn a little thin as it seems like the ailing Communist leader is never going to pop his clogs.

But if you do want to see Castro’s Cuba in all its crumbling glory then shun the could-be-anywhere allinclusive resorts that rule the roost on the island and explore independently, submerging yourself in minty mojitos, cigars and salsa dancing along the way.

Most trips to Cuba begin in time warp capital Havana, a filmic town flush with vintage rides, from Buicks to Chryslers, mostly used as taxis. Some are lovingly restored, while others show their advanced years with creaking bodywork, windows that don’t open and clapped out doors that have to be held closed: welcome to Cuba!

The capital is seriously atmospheric with Latin beats spilling out from the balconies of art-deco and 19th-century mansions where hanging washing flutters in the breeze.

Stroll along the Malecon, the city’s sea wall where the locals hang out, expect to see kids busting some moves besides beatboxes and dolled-

up transvestites. It’s easy and cheap to travel between towns by airconditioned bus and there are routes to all major cities.

Beyond Havana, the sleepy village of Vinales is worth a stop, famed for its lush green valley, freckled with pin-cushioned shaped limestone hills, known as mogotes. The best way to view the landscape is on horseback – you’ll trot through tobacco and sugarcane fields where men in cowboy hats use bulls to plough the land.

The colonial city of Trinidad is another must-see spot that could be likened to a living museum with vintage cars on every corner and well preserved 16th-century houses.

The town is home to several salsa schools so it’s a great spot to learn the dance every Cuban has in their blood. Within easy reach of Trinidad are the beautiful beaches of the Ancon Peninsula, reachable via bicycle or bus.

While some are dominated by allinclusive resorts, you’ll also find a few gloriously secluded bays. cubatravel.cu

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CORSICA, FRANCE

Active types love Corsica, known as the “island of beauty” thanks to its dreamy beaches, soaring mountains and gleaming rivers. Walk the island’s length in two weeks by following the infamous GR20 trail, known as Europe’s toughest hike. Best attempted in late June or early September, it’s not easy but you’ll find yourself swooning over the scenery: think glacial lakes, verdant forests and lush pastures. corsica.forhikers.com/gr20

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; TNT

4

HOLIDAY ISLANDS

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SANTORINI, GREECE

The volcanic island of Santorini could win an award for its dramatic scenery, all rising peaks, rugged cliffs dotted with pretty towns perched high above the hillside. Most visitors stick to the main island, Thira, with its blue-domed churches and Neapolitancoloured coastline. Also worth a look is Palea Kameni for its hot springs, set in a spot where volcanic waters warm the sea. For nightlife, check out Fira and Oia. visit-santorini.ccom

3

TOP FIVE

FUERTEVENTURA, SPAIN

Fuerteventura means “strong wind” for a reason. The breeze howls around the island, making it one of the planet’s top destinations for surfing, kite surfing and windsurfing. On the hunt for gorgeous beaches? Hit the golden crescent sands in Parque Natural de Las Dunas Corralejo in the north or head down south to Playas de Jandin and the white sands of Costa Calma. fuerteventura.com

5

SICILY, ITALY

Famed for its mafia roots and its lemons, the largest island in the Mediterranean has lashings of history and a chilled-out vibe. Dominated

by Mount Etna, Europe’s largest and most active volcano, visitors can reach its peak in four hours on foot, or by a combination of cable car and jeep if you’re feeling lazy. Stroll around boisterous capital Palermo, a whirl of Baroque churches, mosaics and museums.

NEXT WEEK The world’s best fashion destinations

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TRAVELTIPS

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Suomenlinna fortress, Helsinki

READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q

I’m travelling to Helsinki for five days.

Ideally I’d like to see the city and then go to one or two other places. How would you suggest I plan the trip? What should I see in Helsinki and where’s good for an excursion? Paul, via email

A

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Q

I was planning on travelling to Syria this autumn but for obvious reasons I can’t do that. A friend suggested I consider Georgia as an alternative, but I don’t know very much about it. How can I get there, what is there to see and is it expensive?

Amy, via email

A

Georgia is a fascinating and beautiful country. Packed with history and blessed with incredible natural beauty plus a pretty awesome nightlife to boot, I’d recommend getting there before the crowds do.

You’ve also picked a great time of year to visit, for a number of reasons. In September, you will still find the weather agreeable – warm but not too hot – but later in the year it will start to get cooler, so factor this into your plans.

Start in Tbilisi, where you will find a charming city, if one in need of a little TLC. You’ve also picked a great time to visit Kolkheti National Park, where in September and October large and small raptors can be seen migrating.

If the weather is nice, you could head to Ureki, a fun seaside resort with a magnetic black-sand beach. If you have a little longer, take a trip out to the Caucasus mountains, a picturesque area that is reminiscent of the Alps before tourism took over. Svaneti is one of the most picturesque areas but will require a threeday round trip.

Alternatively, head east to Kakheti, Georgia’s wine region, as the grape harvest at this time will be accompanied by celebrations and feasts.

HARD CASH TIP When travelling, take OF THE a prepaid travel card, WEEK a useful and cost-effective option that can be used in shops and restaurants just like a debit or credit card. They are protected by chip and pin thus guarding against loss or fraud.

As a prepaid card is loaded with money before you go, the exchange rate is fixed, allowing for a stress-free holiday with no nasty bills at the end. They’re much more cost-effective than debit cards, which normally add up to £1.50 with every spend. And if you lose it, most providers will replace it (with your cash remaining on it) for £10.

Ross, via email SNAP HAPPY If you take lots of photos, don’t put them all on one memory card – change to another halfway through the trip in case your camera is lost or stolen. If you’re travelling with a friend, swap your debit cards so if your wallet goes missing, you can still withdraw cash.

Finally, girls, if you can’t do washing when you need to, wear panty liners in your undies so they don’t get too dirty.

Lauren, via email

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I would suggest that you spend the first day getting acquainted with this fabulous city. Head to the market square (Kauppatori), which bustles with stalls selling Finnish food and souvenirs, and stroll around the Esplanadi Park. Grab lunch in Kauppahalli, the city’s covered market, which dates back to 1889.

Then spend two days taking in some of Helsinki’s famous sights.

There’s a ridiculous amount of museums, showcasing everything from sport to contemporary art. Check out those in the Kaupunginmuseo group (helsinkicitymuseum.fi) as these include the Helsinki City Museum and they are all free.

For something a bit different, head to Kaapelitehdas, previously a cable factory and later Nokia’s main factory, which now plays host to all sorts of cultural events (kaapelitehdas.fi).

Other sights worth checking out include the stunning white cathedral Tuomiokirkko and the maritime fortress of Suomenlinna.

A great excursion for your last couple of days would be to take the ferry to Tallinn, in Estonia.

Explore the historical sights of the European capital of culture (and soak up some of its drinking culture).

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BEST / WORST TRIP ALEXANDRA SLIWKOWSKI, 21

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Boston, US

Paris, France

BEST My first-ever trip to Paris was by far the best weekend of my life. I went with three friends and on our first night, we had a long multi-course dinner with delicious wine. Afterwards, we ran through the streets at midnight to see the Eiffel Tower all lit up. It was truly magical.

WORST I went on a road trip around Washington DC with my family. The weather was bad and I had a terrible cough. On our final night, the people in the hotel room next to us ordered a porno flick. I woke up to some very X-rated sounds – along with the rest of my family. » Tell us your best/worst trips Email janine.kelso@tntmagazine.com

Your most memorable travel experience?

Taking a helicopter ride over Manhattan.

Anything scary happened while you were travelling?

I was robbed in Thailand while I was going 60kmph on a Vespa. These people came up beside me and took my backpack from the basket in front of my scooter.

Best party you’ve been to?

A nightclub my friend owns on the ChampsElysees, Paris. We had bottle service all night, and I didn’t leave until 10am the next day.

SPLASHING OUT

RECHARGE ON A SPA BREAK Get pampered on a weekend spa getaway at the four-star Lifehouse Hotel and Spa in Thorpe-le-Soken, Essex.

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THE TRAVELLER

A stay at Lifehouse Hotel and Spa is £250 per room per night, including dinner, B&B, a welcome drink and four spa treatments per person with Secret Escapes (0845 078 2029; secretescapes.com).

Valid for travel until Sep 29. Book by Aug 10.

THE INSIDER

PAUL BONDSFIELD, Head of Marketing Round The World Experts

The best part of my job is dealing with amazing round-the-world travel every day – and day-dreaming about actually doing some of it.

My favourite place in the world is Zimbabwe because my family have been there for more than 1000 years and it’s beautiful.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is South America in general, but Colombia in particular. I love the vibe, the music, the landscapes and the culture.

My guilty travel pleasure is supermarkets – they’re always my first port of call in any new country because you can learn so much about a culture from its food shelves.

I always pack a sense of humour, loads of patience, an open mind and spare loo-roll.

My top travel tip is always be nice to check-in staff. You never know when an upgrade might be on offer.

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Going underground: exploring Budapest's rabbit warren of caves

Budapest HUNGARY

BUDAPEST

HUNGARY

GETTING THERE Fly direct to Budapest with Wizz Air (wizzair.com) from ÂŁ86 return.

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Hungary rocks Pack your super powers to help navigate the taxing 20km of channels snaking underground in Budapest – you'll need them WORDS XAV JUDD

I've always maintained there aren't many situations I can't wangle myself out of – such as the time I had to extract my tongue from the barbed innards of a Venus flytrap.

But, this time, my Houdini act just isn’t working; my everexpanding buttocks, embarrassing as that is to say, mean I am trapped in a long, uber-thin passage. What's making this already uncomfortable situation worse, is that it's almost dark – and I'm tens of metres underground in a cave system in Budapest.

After huffing and puffing, I finally squeeze through the impediment, realising that such melodramatics are just part of the fun for this three-hour adventure tour.

Yes, in the past, I have experienced undemanding caverns such as Britain’s Wookey Hole and Cheddar Gorge – standing in them and briefly gaping up at the huge expanse. Now, though, I'm able to get up-close-and-personal with one of these interminable goliaths; although it does mean I'm having to crawl around and explore like a mole.

One of the well-known attractions which makes the Hungarian capital a dream destination is its abundance of luxurious spas. Yet, less appreciated, is the fact the thermal

“

This is no place if you're claustrophobic

30-strong group if anybody has any questions. I have one: "Why am I here?"

One thing’s for sure, this is no place if you are claustrophobic and a Sumo wrestler would not fare very well in these damp cramped nether regions either.

In fact, Barlangaszat, the company running this excursion, will use its discretion to ascertain whether guests are thin and fit enough to take part. Gradually, we head deeper into the seemingly endless cave network and one of my party shouts: “My wife is trying to divorce me; but even she and her private detective won’t be able to track me down in here!”

Despite my bright all-in-one outfit, the last thing I see myself as is a comic-book hero. Nonetheless, to overcome ››

”

waters which gave rise to them also formed the extensive nexus of limestone caves beneath the city.

Indeed, it is the biggest of its type in the world – there are more than 200 grottos, with three open to the public. I am in the 20km-plus Pálvölgyi-Mátyáshegyi complex; like many of the other subterranean areas in Budapest it was only discovered at the start of the 20th century.

Before I even start my journey, there’s a helmet with a small lamp on it and a boiler suit – a fetching red number that makes me look uncannily like a serial killer.

Surveying an iron door smattered with graffiti, it is hard to imagine that on the other side is a rendezvous with the bowels of the Earth. Not far into the trip, even though we only encounter minor difficulties, Laszlo, our guide, asks our

Lose your head in Budapest; above: the city at night TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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the obstacles in this wonderful slew of rabbit-warrenlike channels it seems I need to impersonate one. For the extremely narrow and winding passages it’s a must to put my right hand and arm outstretched in front of me a la Superman flying and pull myself through with the other hand while a few boulders I then have to clamber over make me feel like Spidey.

Alas, no amount of amazing powers can help me when caught behind someone in a tunnel and they fart – I need a gas mask!

Gradually, this million-year-old cave reveals its myriad secrets. Stalactites and stalagmites that jut into an eerie blackness; immense chambers that were used as World War II bomb shelters; mischievously nicknamed ethereal spaces like the theatre due to its amazing acoustics and rafts of calcite crystals that glow as if twinkling stars in a midnight sky.

Magic! ❚

Book caving tours with Barlangtúrák from £14.50pp barlangaszat.hu For more information on booking a trip to Hungary and Budapest, visit gotohungary.co.uk

Chill-out time: Szechenyi Thermal Bath

NEXT WEEK Learn to sail in Croatia

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Nagyi Palacsintázója – literally translating to granny’s pancakes, this popular café do delicious sweet and savoury versions. Mains less than £1 (nagyipali.hu).

Head to Café Kor a smart, cosy and friendly bistro. Mains – such as roast goose liver with apples, cranberries and potatoes – from £6.50 (cafekor.com).

Tuck into the finest Hungarian food in plush surroundings at Hunyadi – where they claim ex-Hungarian ruler King Matthias Hunyadi used to dine.

Mains from £15 (hunyadietterem.hu).

SLEEP

Immaculately clean and with a great atmosphere, Maverick Hostel offers the best value for money in town.

Dorms from £7.80 per night per person (maverickhostel.com powered by hostelbookers.com).

Cosmo Fashion Hotel offers colourful boutique-type accommodation conveniently located on one of the city’s busiest thoroughfares.

Single rooms from £51 per room per night including breakfast, double rooms from £60 (cosmohotelbudapest.com).

Le Meridian was built between 1914 and 1918 in what was the magnificent Adria Palace, here style and comfort effortlessly collide.

Doubles from £74 – if booked at least seven days in advance - to £140 per night (lemeridienbudapest.info).

DRINK

Dance the night away at Kuplung which boasts funky DJs and live music in arty surrounds. Make sure you check out the beers on offer (kuplung.net).

A38 is a cool cultural centre and drinking den on a former Ukrainian stone-collector ship. Head here for live music as well as topical discussions (a38.hu).

To sip cocktails with the haves and have mores, book a table at The Bar at the Four Seasons hotel; its stunning architecture is worth paying the price of a drink or two – don't leave without trying something from the sophisticated martini selection (fourseasons.com)

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Photos: Getty Images, Szilard Regos/GeoScenic foto, Xav Judd, Tourist Office of Budapest

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BUDGET

CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE Paprika is a hostel, made for all you backpackers who enjoy a cosy, social atmosphere; a place where you can relax between exploring the city’s sites and joining our staff to experience the best nightlife and events Budapest has to offer.

www.paprikahostel.com PAPRIKA HOSTEL | WEINER LEÓ STR. 9 | 1066 BUDAPEST HUNGARY | PHONE: 003612691352 | EMAIL: book@paprikahostel.com

Bell Guesthouse is a family run guesthouse offering private rooms and a cosy apartment.

Our place is in the real central of Budapest, just two minutes away from the Western Railway station where the airport shuttle train arrives.

If you choose one of our rooms you’ll get more, than an accommodation, get in contact with us and we’ll help you how to make a perfect city break in Budapest.

See you soon.....

Anita & Gábor Tel: +36-20-233-4935 bell.budapest@gmail.com www.bellhostel.com

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Slick city This is Venice in 48 hours WORDS JANINE KELSO

DAY 1: 09:00 With a reputation as an over-priced tourist trap, the first thing to do is save money by buying a Venice card (hellovenezia.com) which includes entry to numerous museums and churches, including Doge's Palace and the other 10 Musei Civici di Venezia. The card costs £26 for visitors aged 29 and under, and £35 for those aged over 30. It's valid for up to seven days.

10:00 Venice is best explored on foot so begin your walking tour in the heart of the city at Piazza San Marco (St Mark's Square), and probably the only place where you won't feel lost. It's flush with tourists but is a must-visit. While there, head to Basilica di San Marco (St Mark's Basilica), a shimmering cathedral which is hailed as one of the world's best examples of Byzantine architecture. Entry is £1.50.

For bling-tastic treasures aplenty, drop into the Sanctuary off the south transept, a trove of gold, pearls and gemstones.

Entry is £1.50.

12:00 Also overlooking St Mark's Square and meriting exploration is Palazzo Ducale (Doge's Palace), a 15thcentury parliamentary lobby.

13:00 When it comes to choosing a lunch venue, steer clear of restaurants with multi-language menus (read: tourist trap and rip-off). Instead, dine at an osterie (back-street taverna).

For delicious seafood, visit Osteria di Santa Marina (Castello 5911) where meals cost about £52.

14:30 Skip the cliched and overpriced romance of a gondola ride and explore the "City of Water" by taking the No 1 vaporetto (waterbus) along the Grand Canal, admiring the gorgeous palazzos along the way. Journeys cost £4.50.

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Alternatively, enjoy a kayak tour (venicekayak.com) through The Lido, across the water from the main Venice Island. The narrow, often-empty canals wind through parts of Venice most tourists never see. Share the waterways with cargo ships, gondolas and other 'road users' for a real slice of Venetian life. If you're desperate to have a gondola ride, expect to pay up to £87 for 45 minutes, although this becomes considerably cheaper if you have five friends to share the trip with.

16:00 Escape the bustle of the crowds by exploring the city's atmospheric backstreets where you'll find tiny shops and pretty balconies.

19:00 Visit a bacaro, a typical Venetian wine bar, which you can find down alleyways and in tourist-free squares, near the San Marco, San Polo and Cannaregion districts. Here, you can order chicheti, small portions of food which look like tapas and wine by the glass. Top options include Banco Giro (San Polo 122, Campo San Giacometto) as well as Ca' d'Oro Alla Vedova (Cannaregio 3912, Ramo Ca' D'Oro), where you can feast on tasty meatballs washed down with a small glass of red wine.

DAY 2: 10:00 Get off the beaten track and explore Venice's evocative Jewish ghetto (Cannareggio), an uncrowded and tranquil neighbourhood. The word 'ghetto' meant a place where iron was cast. Casting was carried in Cannaregio, where Jewish people were confined from 1516 until 1797, making it the world's first ghetto. The Jewish Museum (museobraico.it) runs tours of the area's synagogues every half-hour for £7.40, including admission.

Photos: Getty Images, Thinkstock

Iconic: St Mark's Square

12:00Don't miss Cannareggio's Ca' d'Oro (artive.arti. beniculturali.it), an ostentatious 15th-century house loaded with paintings, sculptures and coins.

14:00 Head back to St Mark's Square, cross the Grand Canal and explore the Dorsoduro area before getting your art fix for the weekend. Boasting a top-notch European art collection is Galleria dell'Accademia (gallerieaccademia.org). Within spitting distance is the Peggy Guggenheim Collection (guggenheim-venice. it), which can be found within the Palazzo Venier dei Leoni, where art collector Peggy Guggenheim lived. Now a museum, the unfinished 18th-century palace is chockfull of major works of Cubism, Futurism, Metaphysical painting, European abstraction, avant-garde sculpture and Surrealism. View the works of Pollock, Miro and Picasso.

17:00 For sweeping views of the city at sunset, climb to the top of the Campanile (bell tower) in Piazza San Marco, the tallest building in Venice. Open until 8pm from July until September; 4pm from October to March and 5pm from April to June,. Entry is £5.20.

19:00 Enjoy dinner by candlelight at Hosteria ai Coristi (hostariaaircoristi.com) where you can feast on roasted sea bass or squid ink dumplings.

22:00 Sip on fine wine or cocktails while listening to jazz at Bacaro Jazz (bacarojazz.com).

Fly direct to Venice with Ryanair or easyJet ryanair.com Return flights from £84. easyjet.com Return flights from £174

The good life: enjoying a drink in a bacaro

Under the bridge : ditch the gondola for a kayak TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Montenegro THE BALKANS

MONTENEGRO Podgorica Tivat

Kotor Budva

Picturesque: Bay of Kotor 78

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GETTING THERE Fly to Tivat airport for the Montenegro coast or Podgorica airport, 11km from the capital.

Return flights to Podgorica cost from ÂŁ181 return with Austrian Airlines (austrian.com).

Alternatively, fly to Dubrovnik or Split in Croatia then take a bus to Kotor or Budva

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BIGTRIP

The full Monte Imagine a country where women still hitchhike, doughnuts are eaten for breakfast and wild wolves live in the mountains WORDS ALEX VIVAS

WHEN TO GO: Montenegro's peak tourist season is in July and Maybe it says more about the type of Trademark terracotta roofs and whitewashed company I keep, but when I told friends I was August. Avoid the crowds but still stone houses clash wonderfully with the enjoy some sunshine by heading going to Montenegro most said: “Where’s sapphire waters of the Adriatic. I’m soon there in May, June or September. that?” The marginally more clued-up said, on the pretty ferry ride to the small coastal “Look out for landmines”. So as I headed to town of Tivat. Little islands, with curious CURRENCY: Euro. the newly independent Balkan country, I monuments and churches, dot the water.

1 GBP = 1.14 EUR. In Tivat I ask the hotel manager what’s was half expecting nasty little explosive LANGUAGE: Montenegrin. surprises and other post-Communist clichés ACCOMMODATION: A dorm best to do around here and he recommends a walk up into the mountains and down such as clapped-out Ladas and, more bed at Montenegro Hostel Kotor to Kotor. “Is there good scenery?” I ask. worrying still, mullets. (book through hostelbookers.com) “Yes ...” he says, but he seems to be Montenegro is named after Black costs from £12pppn. A dorm bed holding something back.

Mountain, its highest peak, and the country at Montenegro Hostel Budva costs I stroll leisurely up through the rocky borders the Adriatic, Croatia, Albania, from £1013pppn, while a private green hills, sharing the path with goats, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Kosovo and Serbia. room at Hippo Hostel in Budva lizards, pretty wild flowers and the very Indeed it was until recently called Serbia and costs from £13.81pppn. Book occasional local. The magical views of Montenegro, and, before that, Yugoslavia. In through hostelworld.com.

Kotor catch me completely unawares and I the latest Balkans conflict the nation fought SEE: visit-montenegro.com plonk myself down on the path in awe. The alongside the Serbs, with whom they share town sits at the end of a vast fjord, like something from a a language. Yet the plucky country risked the wrath Brothers Grimm fairytale. I carry on down to explore the of its big brother recently by siding with Kosovo in their ›› diplomatic fight for independence; an underdog sticking up for even more of an underdog. Landmines aside, I like Montenegro already.

‘Monte’ has historic towns aplenty, beaches that I am constantly told are “more beautiful than Croatia’s”, national parks chocka with dashing peaks, as well as bears and wolves (no really), plunging canyons, glacial lakes, ruined fortresses and a Mediterranean climate. All that, in a country just twothirds the size of (to use the standard international tape measure) Wales, and with less than 700,000 people.

Sounds pretty damn impressive on paper, but then so do many places.

I’m still pondering how best to detect and deactivate landmines (would I have to dress up like Lady Diana?) as I land in Dubrovnik, just over the border in Croatia. I pick up a hire car (it’s not a Lada) and drive south.

The habitat is dry, the sky is sunny and not long after crossing into Montenegro, the road starts hugging the Bay of Kotor. The dramatic Montenegrin coast is characterised by steep, rugged peaks, blotted grey and green, reaching Famous view: Sveti Stefan straight out of the water and upwards to 1700 metres.

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Wolf; above, the small coastal town of Tivat Unesco-listed 9th-century walls and historical buildings, before slurping down a waterside beer. Rugged peaks tower on all sides and a small ruined castle sits a little way up the slopes above me.

I spend a day wandering around the Lustica Peninsula, famous locally for its olive oil production. There aren’t any obvious tourist attractions, but locals relax and holiday here and it’s wonderfully understated. Well, apart from the Speedos on the otherwise invitingly secluded Zanjice Beach.

The peninsula boasts sunny olive groves, gentle seethrough seas, glorious sunshine and sensational views back into Kotor Bay and the mountains. I lunch at a beachside cafe, dip my toes in the crystal clear waters and end a thoroughly recuperating day with a cold beer in gorgeous little Rose, as the late afternoon sun dances on the water.

The next day I take a winding mountain road up past Kotor to visit Lovcen National Park and the Black Mountain. The country’s highest peak holds a special place in the heart of Montenegrins as, for much of its history, the mountain pretty much was the, then-much-smaller, nation while they resisted Ottoman rule.

On neighbouring Jezerski Vrh, I climb the 461 steps to see Njegos Mausoleum, the impressive tomb of Montenegro’s greatest hero, Petar Petrovic Njegos, a bishop, poet and ruler of the country. The views from here go on forever, as the land rises and falls like a choppy sea frozen in time. Lovcen has reams of hiking and biking trails. But I’m off down the dramatic coast.

Budva looks like a mini Dubrovnik, a handsome historic town, jutting out into the Adriatic. It used to the country’s star attraction, but it’s overdeveloping fast and has a party town reputation now. The road winds up and down the 80

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Historical treasure: Kotor's Old Town mountainsides, via the odd hairpin bend, with the sea on the other side, revealing secretive coves, teasing beaches and those trademark terracotta-topped villages.

Sveti Stefan, a tad further down the coast, is probably Montenegro’s most famous view and the undisputed star now. The 15th-century town looks like something from a James Bond film. It’s perched poetically on cliff-tops, on an island, reached by a narrow man-made isthmus. The town’s crisscrossed with narrow cobbled streets, church spires

Panoramic: Skadar Lake

and tasteful luxury resorts, where the likes of Sofia Loren have stayed.

I want to spend more time there, but the road is calling.

Back inland, the historical capital, Cetinje, has more whitewashed walls and terracotta roofs, it’s handsome and peaceful and worth a lazy wander. A tortoise ambles casually through the parking lot as I arrive. I’m in the mood for a long lazy lunch and I’ve had the perfect tip-off.

After driving through rugged limestone craggy hills, I stop to snap some special views of a river in Lake Skadar National Park. It’s wearing a coat of water lilies and looks a bit like it was stolen from Vietnam, as it winds towards two small pointy mountains the locals cheekily nickname Sofia Loren. The epic Lake Skadar is just visible in the distance.

I park up in the irresistibly charming village of Rijeka Crnojevica. There’s a cute little stone bridge, mirrored in the water, a rowing boat passing lazily by and a couple of al fresco, waterside restaurants. It’s really beautiful in the soporific sunshine and I stay all afternoon.

Montenegrins won’t win any safe driving contests, but otherwise the roads are a treat. It’s stunning roadtrip country.

I cut through the dramatic Moraca Canyon, more narrow gorges, along cliff-hugging roads and through pitch-black

“

Find a condensed Croatia – cheaper, smaller and without the crowds

”

tunnels, with dramatic drops down to crystal-clear glacial rivers (I can see the stones on its bed from at least 10 metres up on road) and towering peaks above, with green foliage spilling down on top of me. I stop regularly, both in laybys to try and photograph the views, and to visit historic monasteries.

When I get to Unesco-listed Durmitor National Park, the landscape has changed markedly. It’s colder and there’s snow on the moody mountaintops, chalets in the fields and glacial lakes abound. Durmitor must be one of the least spoilt ››

Ask a local: Vladimir Evkovski

The Insider's guide Vladimir Evkovski, a real estate project developer from Montenegro, reveals the highlights of his country What's so great about Montenegro?

I have travelled a lot in my career and seen a lot of gorgeous places, but never been to such a small place with so much natural beauty. Montenegro is amazing, spectacular, unique and impressive. It has fantastic beaches, clear lakes, fast rivers, gorgeous mountains and a wild beauty. I could go on! It's a breathtaking place.

What are the three must-see things in Montenegro?

Only three things? It’s like asking a parent which one of 10 children they most like. For example, the Pod Ostrog monastery, Queen’s Beach, the Old Town of Kotor, Lustica Peninsula, Arza beach, Old Town Budva, Sveti Stefan …

Where are your favourite secret/off-the-beaten-track places in Montenegro?

The hottest and most exotic, undiscovered Galija Beach.

Describe your perfect day in Montenegro It would begin with the national Montenegrin breakfast: Gibanica, Proja and homemade dairy products, such as cheese, yogurt, kajmak. Then sailing with friends on a yacht to the beautiful island of Hawaii, with its beach cafes, music performances and exclusive wines. The special atmosphere is created delicious seafood and the company of the most beautiful ladies on the planet. Then on to a small private beach, Galija. At sunset we go to dinner at the traditional restaurant Pastrovici Dvori, in Blizikuce, where we enjoy the national Montenegrin food and live music, in a relaxing atmosphere overlooking the island of Sveti Stefan and the entire Budva Riviera. The night starts with the call of music from the main partying street in Budva.

Then to Trocadero where music is coming from world’s best DJs, with a view over the whole of Budva.

What's the best photo opportunity?

The complete Riviera is an exceptional photo opportunity.

Every place there has some specific charm, like the sea, the Mediterranean architecture and the mountains.

Can you describe Montenegro in three words?

Wild, beautiful, exotic.

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places left in Europe. The first scene-stealer in the atmospheric 39,000-hectare park is the mesmerising Black Lake. Watched over by mountains and skirted by fir trees, Communist partisans had a base near here in the Second World War. Tara Canyon is a close second. The monumental, spellbinding cleft in the landscape is the deepest canyon in Europe and only 200m shallower than America’s Grand Canyon. You can go white-water rafting and bungee jumping here. The region doubles as skifields in winter, and offers some excellent hiking year-round.

I didn’t see any bears or wolves in Durmitor, though they are there, or any land mines in Montenegro.

Even if some Montenegrins fought with the Serbs (so perhaps don’t go on about how you love Croatia too much) in the most recent Balkans conflict, there was no fighting in the country itself, so there are no landmines lying in wait.

In fact, the country is so safe women still hitchhike.

As well as being safe, it has natural beauty and history in abundance. I had found a condensed Croatia – cheaper, smaller, with most of the same attractions, if not more, only without the crowds.

There’s also not a Lada in sight. In fact most cars are new, and I’m constantly told there’s no need to lock them. And the locals’ haircuts aren’t so bad really.

Talking of the locals, everyone smokes. And in the northern mountain regions they eat doughnuts for breakfast. What’s not to like about that? ❚

Party time: Kotor

HIKING IN MONTENEGRO

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Photos: MontenegroPHOTO.com; Getty Images; Thinkstock; TNT Images

Montenegro is just being discovered as an excellent hiking holiday destination. It offers at least two very different walking opportunities – the coast and the mountains – within a few hours’ drive.

Unesco-listed Durmitor National Park, in the north, has 48 peaks over that reach more than 2000 metres, as well as waterfalls, tinkling mountain streams, mirror-like glacial lakes and a wide network of tracks. It’s a great chance for walkers to get up close to real mountains that might otherwise require technical expertise and equipment. The park has bears and wolves, but they’re almost never seen and local guides can be hired.

The coast offers a drier, often sunny option, with inviting towns and villages, beaches and ruins. There’s also Lovcen National Park if you want to get up high.

Companies such as Vista Trails (vistatrails.com) can book accommodation, provide good walking maps – which are surprisingly hard to come by otherwise – local information, guides and transport your luggage on, with the option of single centre or multi-location trips.

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DESPERATELYSEEKING am). These flights are currently selling at £400, but we will let them go a lot cheaper. Email us with an offer over £250 and they could be yours. Buyourflights@live.com Never too cool for school: Sexy school mistress, I know I was slow with the maths to start with, but by the end of the night I knew what six and nine was and saw a lot more of your numbers.

I reckon I taught you a bit about length and width, too. A few more sessions and I’ll master maths.

Head prefect.

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#439 Become a street entertainer at the seaside

To the girl with the edgy red specs who gets on the southbound Tube at Queens Park every morning: You are too cute! There’s a spring in my step every time I see you, but I just wish I could man up and muster the courage to say something.

Bend down and scratch your right toe next time you see me (I know you know who I am) then I’ll know (God knows, I’ve been praying) you get a little tickle in your gut about me, too. Yours, Scaredy Cat Sam. Lillywhite: Lick my ear you silly sausage. Cherrytop.

DATING

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122 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Where are you black bin liner guy?: I’ve had some one night stands in my time, but no one’s ever whipped out baby oil and a garbage bag! Kinky! Where are you? I want more. Hanging on.

See you on the flipside, Stace: Damn immigration for robbing you from us. Even though we knew it was coming, it doesn’t make it easier. We’ve made some epic memories, haven’t we?

Remember knee-surfing in Morocco (ouch!), belly flops off the boat in Croatia, finding out we shagged the

same minger when I woke up and busted you in the lounge room! At least we can laugh about it now.

I love you loads, girl, and will miss you heaps. Australia’s lucky to have you back. Your sister from another mister, Piri.

Emma with the pen: Is that you who has been dropping love letters in my slot? Fess up. Matty.

Happy birthday butterfly lady: Strike me with a candle, you’re dirty 30! We’ve been waiting for this day for ages, so expect a mega-treat when you come home from work on Wednesday. Love, the Eddlestone Crew.

@tntmagazine

You’re on your own: Steve, you obtuse prick. Maybe you should listen to your mates for once. Fuck up again and I, for one, certainly won’t be there to pick up the pieces. The last straw.

Shanae, the saucy little showgirl: Congratulations on winning the Miss Karaoke title. You murdered Can You Feel The Love, but I guess I was a whole lot worse if you walked away with the golden mic. Aren’t we a couple of geeks?

Hehe. Love, Caroline.

Stephanie, I’m sorry: I don’t know how to explain my actions, I guess I don’t need to since you caught me in the act. All I can say is that I had a brain explosion, I was wasted and I was feeling sorry for myself. But I was thinking of you the whole time if that makes one iota of difference? I just want you to talk to me. I want you back and all this has made me realise how much I need and want you in my life. Let’s talk this through, please?

Love always, Tom. Come hither, superhero: Flash Gordon, that is a mighty big sword you wield. I’ve never seen one like it – it’s like something from the future. I don’t care how you got it, but you had me flying through the galaxy at one point, I swear.

Same time same place next week?

Don’t forget the outfit! Dirty ming.

Give us a kiss: We snogged on Saturday night, then I threw up, then we snogged some more. I was paranoid about my vom-breath but you insisted that it didn’t bother you. Naturally then, I took you home and gave you my number. But still no call? I’ve got plenty more tricks up my sleeve that will keep you coming back for more. Trisha.

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Photos: Getty

Goodbye Pixie: So the time has come for you to pack your bags and leave. What are we going to do with out you? Who are we going to ask our geography questions to now? And how else are we going to get our free drinks for your nonexistence birthdays? Just make sure you don’t pike from your leaving drinks. We will miss you heaps, Love past and present QH and the outof-work friends.

Milky and Weren: The Creeping Crew are sad you have to eff off but London is glad! You turned number 16 successfully into a squatters’ paradise and then knocked down the fence (literally) to demo number 15, too. We’ll all miss your amazing cheese toasty, Weren, and your exceptional pissy pants, Milky.

Mucho Aroha.

Dave, the Portuguese guy with the nose piercing at Bar Vinyl, Camden: I can’t get you out of my head since meeting you at the record shop. I can’t believe we both reached for the same vinyl then both had plans to meet friends at the bar upstairs afterwards. It was too much of a coincidence. Kicking myself we didn’t exchange contact details, but I believe the universe will help our paths cross soon. I’m not prepared to wait for fate, though. Meet me at the bar on Thursday, August 11 at 8.30pm. Rose.

Oktoberfest flights for sale: So, we can’t make it to Oktoberfest anymore and have return flights for two – which are 100 per cent transferable – to sell.

Flights are with easyJet for closing weekend, departing Gatwick Friday, September 30 (early am) and returning Monday October 3 (mid

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