TNT Magazine / Issue 1464

September 19-25 2011 Issue 1464 tntmagazine.com

WESTFIELD WONDERS The new shopping centre’s quirkiest outlets

SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR THE WEEKEND Best of the capital’s alternative nights out

BRUGES ON A BUDGET How to get more bang for your buck in Belgium

R U O Y MEET

R E K MAR oo artists tt ta ’s n o d n le work of Lo ib d e r k in e h T

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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FREEPHONE 0800 085 0355 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER It’s easy to get stuck in a routine of going to the same places on a night out. If you’re in a social rut, don’t worry, help is at hand. On P8, we’ve compiled a list of 16 top events offering something completely different in the capital. Or, if you fancy going further afield, flick to P61, where our travel pages begin. On P64, find out how our writer got on surfing the Severn Bore and on P72, learn how to do Bruges on a budget – minus Colin Farrell. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

12 14-15

@TNT

16

COMPETITION

18

SPOTTED

19

LISTINGS SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

LONDON FOCUS

24-26

CHATROOM ROB DA BANK LONDON SCENE

Cover: Fredi Marcarini & Chris Terry from Tattooed By The Family Business - Paviliom. Photos: Getty

SPARE TIME

29

78

30-31 36

LIFESTYLE

37-45

SHOPPING

37

HEALTH & BEAUTY

38-39

CAREERS

40-41

LIVING

44-45

NEWS & SPORT

46-59

TRAVEL

61-82

FEATURES GET YOUR PARTY ON

8

Forget the pub – we bring you the very best of London’s alternative nights out

TATTOO YOU

Two of the capital’s top tattoo artists share their views on the artform in 2011

THE FIRTH DIMENSION

32

DIARY

62

NEWS

63

Colin Firth, the 2011 Best Actor Oscar winner, on Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

LATE DEALS

66

TROLLING AROUND

HOTSHOTS

67

Lifting the lid on the murky, anti-social world of the internet troll

50

TOP FIVE

68-69

TIPS & STUFF

70-71

SURF’S UP

SHORTBREAK... BRUGES

72-74

Suit up for a wild ride on the Severn Bore and discover what all the fuss is about

48 HOURS IN... STRATFORD 76-77

8

24

CLASSIFIEDS

117

EGYPTIAN ADVENTURES

DESPERATELY SEEKING

122

Egypts appeal to tourists remains as timeless as its most famous attraction

64

78

24 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alison Grinter News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES AAP AP Alamy Getty Images NZPA PA Photos Photolibrary.com Pictures Colour Library Reuters Rex Features Robert Harding SAPA TNT Images TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

Shhh... SECRET LONDON NEVER RECORDS BANKSIDE

If you’re a musician in the making – or always believed you could be – head to Never Records where you can prove your worth. Part of the Merge Festival, the ‘shop’, which is really an art installation, only stocks vinyl that has been cut on site. Here you can perform your track, while New York artist Ted Riederer (pictured) records it and hands you a freshly pressed 12-inch record – he makes another copy which he sells in the store.

FREE

Until Oct 9 11 Southwark Street, SE1 1RQ

tedriederer.com

London Bridge

SALES ENQUIRIES

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WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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LONDON DESIGN FESTIVAL 2011

EID-UL-FITR FESTIVAL

LONDON FASHION WEEKEND

If you’re a design geek, head to this nine-day event to learn anything and everything about your craft. Listen to experts explaining the techniques behind drawing; sit in on breakfast talks discussing emerging talents; or attend the first ever London Design Festival Google Design Lectures.

Most events are free.

Officially marking the end of Ramadan fasting, spirits will be running high at this Muslim festival which is open to all.

Feast on Eid ul-fitr delicacies, wander the souks and then boogie to the live folk and rock music happening on the main stage. Have fun while learning about the diversity, culture and languages of London’s Muslim community.

If London Fashion Week got you geared up for all things material, this weekend offers a more budgetfriendly way to get your fix.

With discounts of up to 70 per cent, designers such as DKNY, French Sole and Twenty8Twelve will be showcasing their trends.

Don’t fancy shopping? Get pampered at Toni & Guy.

Until Sept 25 V&A Museum, Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL vam.au.uk South Kensington

Sat, Sept 24. 2pm-6pm Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN london.gov.uk Charing Cross

Sept 22-25 Somerset House, The Strand, WC2R 1LA londonfashion weekend.co.uk Charing Cross

FREE

FREE

£15

FLIGHTS • TOURS • HOLIDAYS • ACCOMMODATION

SUN • SNOW • ADVENTURE like us on

in association with

facebook/tntmagazine

FREE Y ENTisR tering

by reg £2 entry online / oor on the d

ROYAL OBSERVATORY GREENWICH

This stunning exhibition showcases incredible photographs of astronomical objects from within our solar system and into deep space. More than 700 photographers submitted jaw-dropping images taken around the world. Pictured above is the view of the southern Milky Way over the palm-tree lined hilltops outside the village of Oneroa, on the coast of Mangaia in the Cook Islands.

FREE

Until Feb 12, 2012 Blackheath Avenue, SE10 8XJ

Greenwich

CRYSTAL PALACE FILM FESTIVAL

SPEXY BEAST

Celebrating independent filmmakers and worldwide talent, this event offers the chance to watch the work of the next big things. The judging panel, including comedian Johnny Vegas, will mark the movies, which could win the chance to be submitted to the BBC. This event is nothing less than a film buff’s wet dream.

Although bestknown for his TV shows, Alan Carr is returning to what he loves doing best: stand-up. Watch as the bespectacled comedian returns to the scene for the first time in four years.

Despite TV fame and rubbing shoulders with celebrities, Carr usually has a Marmite effect although reviews for Spexy Beast have been tepid.

Sept 18-30 Westow House, 79 Westow Hill, Crystal Palace, SE19 1TX cpiff.co.uk Crystal Palace

Sept 21-22 Wembley Arena, Empire Way, HA9 0PA wembleyarena.co.uk Wembley Park

£5+

Photos: TNT

nmm.ac.uk

£30

FAST PASS UPGRADE TICKET FOR £5 - SEE WEBSITE

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15

9.30am – 5pm London’s Best Sun and Snow Travel Show ËExclusive Travel Talks ËTravel Deals &

Ë Show Bar Ë A variety of

Discounts ËLucky Dip and other competitions

entertainment Ë Co-located Recruitment Fair

QE II Centre St James Park & Westminster

tnttravelshow.com

LONDONNEWS ‘DIFFICULT’ FARE RISE FOR COMMUTERS

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New top cop: Bernard Hogan-Howe, centre, with London mayor Boris Johnson and home secretary Theresa May

Commuters will be hit firmly in the pocket next year, as fares in the capital are set to rise by up to eight per cent.

Passengers on Tubes, trains and buses will be charged more for journeys from January 2012. Under the inflation-busting increase, a peak pay-as-you-go Oyster Tube journey will cost nearly £5.

London mayor Boris Johnson called the move “difficult” for commuters. But he said the cash was needed for investment in transport during the run-up to the Olympics. » Does London transport offer value for money? letters@tntmagazine.com

I’m appalled & I’m on the case Boris Johnson tweets to action to US singer Kelis, who claims she was a victim of racism at a London airport

RENT PRICES GO THROUGH THE ROOF Rental prices in London have risen by £63 per month in the past year – the fastest rate in the UK. Tenants are now forking out an average £1025 per month to live in the capital, according to lettings agent LSL Property Services. It works out £3744 a year more expensive than the average UK monthly rent of £713. Spokesman David Newnes said: “We are in the thick of the busiest time of year for the rental market. Red hot demand for properties is driving rents up at their fastest monthly pace in the last year.”

ON THE TUBE

A ‘total war’ on crime

Met police’s new top cop outlines plans to make London safer The new boss of the Metropolitan police has declared “total war” on crime on the capital’s streets. In his first interviews in the job, Bernard Hogan-Howe promised to tackle binge drinking, a crack down on anti-social behaviour as well as targeting illegal drivers and gangs.

The newly elected commissioner said problem drinkers could be tagged, given sobriety tests twice a day and threatened with jail if they continue drinking.

The scheme is already a success in Dakota, US, where it was first introduced.

Hogan-Howe, 53, told The Standard: “There are two big aggravating features for any criminal activity, one is alcohol.

“About 80 per cent of the people in our cells overnight will have a drink issue. The

other is drugs.” The police chief also said he was reviewing Scotland Yard’s stop-andsearch policy as officers could be “smarter” about the way they use it.

Hogan-Howe said officers “should, in future, target more people who have previously been convicted of offences involving guns and knives”.

He added: “We need to make sure we are targeting them when they are on the streets rather than just carrying out generic stop and searches.” The Met has faced criticism such searches have been alienating people from ethnic minorities in the capital.

In light of the government cuts to the Met police budget – which will result in the loss of 1000 officers – Hogan-Howe said his force would have to “work harder” and “be more effective”.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

BAKERLOO: No service between Queen’s Park and Harrow & Wealdstone on Sunday

CIRCLE: No service all weekend DISTRICT: No service between Edgware Road and High Street Kensington on Saturday and Sunday

HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No service between Royal Oak and Baker Street all weekend

NORTHERN: No service between

6

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty

Camden Town and Kennington via Bank all weekend

The capital will be gripped by fashion fever as London Fashion Week rattles on at Somerset House until Wednesday. The event is for designers to showcase their work to global buyers, magazine editors and celebrities – and dictates what will be in shops next year.

Mayor Boris Johnson officially opened the event on Friday.

Getting into the spirit of things, when asked what he was wearing, he replied: “I don’t know, a suit.”

The event is expected to generate orders of about £100m and contribute some £20m to the London economy.

Monday is the biggest day of the week, with Christopher Kane, who designs Versus collections for Versace, set to show.

If you’re not into fashion, your best bet is to head out of town.

It’s on: party like it’s 1944

Something different You don’t need to just stay put in your local boozer – London has a broad pallette of alternative nightlife to explore WORDS TOM STURROCK

Andria Stirling had done her time behind the scenes in London’s nightclubs and grown tired of the same-old, same-old approach. It was at that point she branched out and began working as an event planner for Bourne & Hollingsworth Events, which puts on some of London’s most lushly imaginative themed parties.

“That’s how the idea came about – we had all worked in the London nightclub industry but were so bored of the lack of creativity and imagination with it all,” she says. “We knew there were all these Londoners who worked hard all week and wanted to let loose at the weekend and wanted some glamour. So we started these parties that hopefully really capture people’s imaginations and let them step into a whole new world.”

Stirling is now involved in organising three regular events – Blitz, Prohibition and Belle Epoque – all with their own fantastic theme, where revellers get dressed up and indulge themselves.

“Blitz is a 1940s theme, recreating London during the Blitz – not so much the war but the community spirit that rose out of it, especially in London,” 8

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Stirling explains. “So we have a lot of men showing up in their service uniforms looking exceedingly handsome and the women in their stockings and pencil skirts.

“Prohibition is taken from the 1920s in America, the era of Prohibition, when alcohol was banned and you had these speakeasy bars crop up as a result. We serve our cocktails in tea cups in a silent cinema chill-out room.

And there’s usually a police raid as well.”

“And Belle Epoque has become a fantasy party without a specific era.

While it’s based on a Montmartre music hall and the Moulin Rouge, with its tortured artists and dancing girls, it’s become something that’s completely fantastical – like Alice In Wonderland – allowing people to really challenge themselves with their outfits.”

Each event requires meticulous planning and for organisers to ensure the decor and the details are spot-on.

They are, after all, in the business of building seamless worlds for partygoers to explore. “We spend a lot of energy making sure they don’t get tired and keeping an eye on the details,” Stirling says. “We inject new life into them

all the time and come up with new ideas. For Belle Epoque, we really try to make it look like a Montmartre music hall and we have to dress these spaces ourselves. That can be quite intense for a few days and we also work very hard to get the music right and the entertainment right.”

And, of course, it's all about the clothes. The party organisers aren’t the only ones wrapped up in months of planning – some of the guests also go to town when it comes to their outfits.

“We had a guy come to one of the parties as Edward Scissorhands, having made his own scissorhands,” Stirling says. “And our Halloween party last year was great – we had some zombie courtesans who looked like ghosts but had these gorgeous hooped petticoats and corsets. We also had a guy on stilts – some kind of ghostly ringmaster.

“It’s also important to get our guests to really dress up because they’re the ones who keep the illusion alive. It ruins it if you’ve got all these people in costumes, and then one guy standing there in jeans and a T-shirt.” ›› 18 OTHER ALTERNATIVE NIGHTLIFE IDEAS

It’s all about the clothes

thursday 29 september

london scala

Old-school glamour

0844 811 0051 0844 477 1000 020 7734 8932 gigsandtours.com ticketline.co.uk facebook.com/pnaupnau A Metropolis Music presentation by arrangement with Primary Talent International

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Fred Kinbom

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Entertainment has to be spot-on

0844 811 0051 / Seetickets.com / pclpresents.com / ticketline.co.uk ‘AS DAY FOLLOWS’ OUT NOW sarahbrasko.com

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9

EXPERIMENTAL FOOD TRUMAN BREWERY

PROHIBITION SECRET LOCATION

A decadent foodcrazy weekend festival culminates in a mad banquet. Along the way, you can learn everything you’ll ever need to know about offbeat food. Listen to food futurologists or watch food magicians and butter sculptors at work.

Watch out for the haunted chocolate gothic house and make sure you try the icecream made out of camel milk. Don’t forget to bring your appetite.

When booze was banned, the best parties were underground.

At this event, you’ll be swigging surreptitiously from concealed cocktails and downing contraband liquor from your teacup to avoid the long arm of the law. It’s not just about illicit drinking, though – there’s also some illegal gambling to be done.

Plenty of good-time guys and girls will be on hand, so it’s a grand excuse to go all out with period dress.

£5

October 21-23 Dray Walk Gallery, E1 6QL experimentalfoodsociety.com Liverpool Street

£15

ROLLER DISCO RENAISSANCE ROOMS £14 It does what is says on the tin – strap on your skates and go whizzing around the club as the mirror-ball twinkles approvingly overhead. Plenty of high-kitsch outfits and a soundtrack that will transport you all the way back to 1981. Boys, get out your stonewash denim; girls, go the sideponytail and blue eyeshadow.

Thursday-Sunday Renaissance Rooms, SW8 1RZ

Vauxhall

STUMBLIN’ SIMS BLUES KITCHEN

CEILIDH CLUB CECIL SHARP HOUSE

It’s all about recreating the ‘leather-clad sexiness of the 1950s and 1960s Hollywood’.

How many guys will come dressed as James Dean?

They promise Scottish dancing with attitude, so strap on your sporan and get to it.

There’s a discount on the door for those in tartan.

October 1 Village Underground, 54 Holywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ theblueskitchen.com Old St

September 30 Cecil Sharp House, 2 Regent’s Park Rd, NW1 7AY ceilidhclub.com Camden Tn

£20

BOGAN BINGO THE UNDERGDOG

rollerdisco.com

September 24 The Grand Hall, Euston Road, WC1H 9AU prohibition1920s. com King’s Cross St Pancras

£14

TUESDAY NIGHT INN QUEEN OF HOXTON

Big hair, big atmosphere and big prizes. Bogan bingo is one of the hottest tickets in town and booking is essential if you want to get involved. Expect a lot of flannel, plenty of mullets and an absolute cupboardfull of Use Your Illusion II T-shirts. But beware, Bogan Bingo is habit-forming and you maybe quickly become a regular at this cracking little mid-week event.

TRANNY SHACK MADAME JOJO’S

CONEY ISLAND PARTY IN BETHNAL GREEN

An avante-garde cabaret night that celebrates ‘glamorous polysexuality’. So basically, it’s anything goes and gender-bending is not just a novelty, but a must-have accessory. So, boys, cast your mind back to when your sister dressed you up as a girl and embrace it.

There are stacks of fairground attractions, including a freakshow, rock‘n’roll dancing, strongman contests, magic displays and a hot dog-eating contest.

Basically, it’s the craziest beach-side resort imaginable, all in an unlikely east London locale.

It’s a youth club for grown-ups, with ping pong tournaments, table football and old-school video games. So you can relive your angsty teenage years among a bunch of angsty twenty-somethings.

At least there will be booze this time around. Well, hopefully. The Queen of Hoxton is an excellent watering hole anyway, with possibly the best rooftop garden in London.

Every Thursday night The Underdog, SW4 7AB facebook.com/boganbingouk Clapham Common

Wednesday nights Madame Jojo’s, 8-10 Brewer St, W1F 0SE madamejojos.com Piccadilly Circus

First Saturday of every month Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club workersplaytime.net Bethnal Green

Tuesday nights Queen of Hoxton, 1 Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX thequeenofhoxton. co.uk Old Street

£5

10

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

£5

£8

FREE

BELLE EPOQUE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

SINK THE PINK DANCE AND FILM NIGHT

It’s like a twisted Moulin Rouge, all given a Halloween makeover. Jaw-dropping acrobatic feats and showstopping musical acts abound, along with some eye-popping outfits. It’s sure to be a pulsating, mind-bending evening.

Step into a fantasy world where masked villains melt into the crowd as corseted courtesans drape themselves over gilded balconies. Go easy on the absinthe.

Revel in the cheesiness of this bizarrely infectious night out, which takes inspiration from all your favourite Eighties films, while adding in some of the most audaciously dance moves.

It is billed as “a camptastic rave-up” and there’s more spandex than you can shake a stick at. When you stick hundreds off people in facepaints and wigs, it’s almost certain to get messy.

So just go with it.

£20

October 29 The Grand Hall, Euston Rd, WC1 9AU belleepoqueparty. com King’s Cross St Pancras

£10

TORTURE GARDEN FETISH BALL MASS & BABALOU The leather overalls and gimp masks will be out in force when Europe’s largest fetish club throws its annual ball. Torture Garden has been strapping in and breaking taboos since 1990 and a night out at one of its massive parties is not an evening you’re likely to forget.

An eye-opening excursion into the realm of the weird. £30

Tuesdays Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, E2 6NB workersplaytime. net Bethnal Green

October 1 St Mathews Church, Brixton Hill SW2 1JF torturegarden.com Brixton

HIGH TEA LE CORDON BLEU

KING OF THE WING THE JAM TREE

It’s a throwback to a more refined era, with all the vintage glamour of the poshest manor houses and intricately decorated cakes and scones.

If extreme eating has always been on your must-try list, then get along to this gastropub and see how many spicy buffalo wings you can scoff.

Mondays-Saturdays The Mandeville Hotel, Mandeville Pl, W1U 2BE mandeville.co.uk Bond Street

Wednesdays 514 King’s Rd, SW6 2EB thejamtree.com Fulham Broadway

HUNGAMUNGA MAKE A MESS

HIP HOP KARAOKE THE SOCIAL

It’s an entire festival devoted to making stuff and making a mess.

Whether you’re painting miniatures or wanting to make a birthday card using macaroni and paste, this arts and crafts hub for adults is sure to unlock your creative instincts.

If you’ve ever fancied yourself as a badass MC in the making, this is the chance to show off your skills in front of an appreciative audience. Or, on the flipside, if you suck, you’ll likely be forgiven.

Warm up your beatbox and get your rhymes ready.

Finally, an event that allows you to combine your love of bowling with old-time rock’n’roll and Motown tunes at this weekly event in central London. It’s stylishly retro, with all the trappers of an old-school diner. Punters go all out to dress up to the 1950s theme, although it can be tricky to bowl if you’re wearing heels and a giant beehive hairdo.

September 25 42-46 Pollard Row, E2 6NB workersplaytime.net Bethnal Green

Thursday nights The Social, 5 Little Portland St, hiphopkaraokelondon.com Oxford Circus

Saturday nights All Star Lanes, Bloomsbury Place, WC1B 4DA shakerattle andbowl.com Holborn

£26

CIRCUS COVENT GARDEN It’s a dining experience unlike any other at this avantgarde bar-restaurant with a sleekly futuristic interior. Just as you’ve settled in for your meal, highlighted by some daring Pan-Asian offerings, the entertainment begins, fusing outrageous cabaret with captivating circus acts.

The performances differ from one night to the next, making it a venue that never fails to surprise.

FREE

SHAKE RATTLE AND BOWL ALL STAR LANES

Photos: TNT

FREE

Tuesdays-Saturdays 27-29 Endell Street, WC2H 9BA circus-london.co.uk Covent

£10

FREE

FREE

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MYLONDON

CRAIG LE GRICE CEO OF COSKILL What baffles me about London is why are all the people on Oxford Street at 10am on a Tuesday not at work!?

London’s best-kept secret is the restaurant at the top of Centre Point, Paramount. It has the best view of London and one of the best cocktail menus in town.

When I want to chill out I head to The Hospital Club in Covent Garden. It’s members only but worth the wait or membership fee.

The most interesting person I’ve met in London was a guy from a remote part of Japan who spoke no English but had won a return flight to Heathrow.

He had eaten at McDonald’s every day of his trip because he loved “English food”.

My favourite place for a drink is The Soho Hotel, near Tottenham Court Road – it’s one of the best bars for people-watching and overhearing gossip.

Plus, if you’re on a date and need to make a quick exit, there are doors at either end of the bar.

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a run along the river. Try it – it’s better than painkillers.

What gets me up in the morning? Running a growing company and working with an awesome team of people from across the UK and, indeed, around the world. London’s hive of activity is matched only by its geographic and cultural mix.

My perfect weekend would involve water: swimming in the lido at London Fields; rowing in Hyde Park; kayaking on the Thames; getting the Thames Clipper; drinks by the river; or dinner on Regent’s Canal.

Five words that sum up London ... undiscovered, explorative, exciting, sexy, home. coskill.com

Photos: Zoobs

The last naughty thing I did was the ‘Macaron Frappe’ from Paul – a whole macaron blended with ice-cream and milk. It has to be the naughtiest millioncalorie treat I’ve had in ages!

LONDONDRINKS

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Dynamic: an art gallery for drinkers

BAR THE SCENE The bar is a laidback drinking spot for the creative types who ply their trade in Soho’s Golden Square. It has a grungy feel, with industrial colours, slouched settees and a series of spray-painted corrugated shutters along one wall.

They serve as a canvas for a six-monthly rotation of urban designers, turning this venue into an art space – it’s quite a neat collaboration. Scratchy, running film is also projected on to the walls, lending a real dynamism to the joint. You’d be forgiven for thinking you’ve walked into the Tate Modern.

THE GRUB The kitchen tries to put its stamp on its goods, be it by name or nature.

The delights, for example, include Bloody Mary tomato bruschetta – yes, it includes vodka – and crispy salt and pepper squid. For bigger appetites, there are such things as the braised beef short ribs and the chargrilled chicken sandwich. There are a lot of salads on the menu – clearly a quest to trim the punters.

BEHIND THE BAR The bar claims to have the largest collection of gin in the UK and holds regular tasting events. Lush cocktails, such as Peach And Agave Smash and Graphic High Tea, are served in paint buckets, in paint trays – a clever touch.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails from ÂŁ7.20, mains from ÂŁ6.50, snacks from ÂŁ3.50.

VERDICT You can take leisurely sips from a paint bucket. Who’d have thought? RK

4 Golden Square, W1F 9HT

graphicbar.com

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You’ll get whatever heartwarming concoction tickles your fancy here, with everything from traditional tomato soups to Hungarian goulash and a selection of ramens, too.

At this ‘global’ soup kitchen, you can slurp on ladlefuls of such treats as sweet potato coconut chicken and Spanish seafood. They are pure and healthy liquid delights for your lunchtime.

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BITE SIZE

The Idle Hour: don’t just pop in to check the time

TASTE COUNTRY LIFE If city living has you yearning for a taste of rural life, head to Enfield, which, for one day, will host the best stuff to come out of the English countryside. As well as a dazzling array of exotic fruits and vegetables, the City Harvest Festival will also show how it is possible to grow food in even the most built-up urban areas. The festival will be held on September 17 at Capel Manor College, Enfield, and costs from £4.50. farmgarden.org.uk

NO FLAKY BUSINESS New restaurant Putney Pies is making culinary waves south of the river with its gourmet pies and quiches all made to order using locally sourced ingredients. The combinations, such as rabbit, red currant and pancetta are mouthwatering, and the experience especially enhanced when washed down with ales from The Beer Boutique next door. Putneysiders note, there are plans to home deliver. putneypies.co.uk

Photos: TNT

TASTES OF THE WORLD You can make some seriously hungry work out of shopping, especially stomping the newly laid boards at Westfield in Stratford. It’s just as well, then, that there are more than 70 places to refuel, with tastes from all over the world. From pizza house, Franco Manca, to the Moorish cuisine of El Cantara and the rustic British fare at Bumpkin – it’s a gastronomic melting pot.

THE IDLE HOUR Gastro pub THE SCENE My friend and I bowl into The Idle Hour on a frazzled Thursday, both feeling snappable after our respectively stressful weeks. This is a neighbourhood pub, walking distance from the Tube, but off any major thoroughfare, meaning the bar may be slammed one day, slow the next. Happily, we’re here on a quiet night and feel our frowns disintegrate in the tranquil surroundings, as we are tended to by the charming bar manager. The vibe is elegant but laidback; it’s still a pub and therefore informal, but care has been taken creating stylish surrounds.

There are seating areas in a separated section of the main bar as well as upstairs.

If you want to skulk off to a corner with your cocktail, you’ll find a sofa on which to repose.

THE GRUB I begin with carrot and orange soup; full of sweet and tangy flavours.

My friend has the sinfully delicious sticky onion and gorgonzola pie. Our main courses are brought out as I wipe the last trace of soup from my bowl with an olive oil-soaked chunk of bread. I’ve ordered the day’s special, a whole grilled mackerel with plum chutney. Under its crispy skin, the fish is rich and melts in the mouth, perfectly balanced with the tart, juicy fruit. My friend is equally happy with her uncomplicated but tasty slow-roasted free range pork belly and bramley apple mash. We don’t really have room after this, but when has dessert ever been about being hungry? We share the white chocolate and Bailey’s cheesecake and slip into a reverent silence. This dessert deserves our full concentration.

There’s a wide selection of beers and ales and a comprehensive list of – mainly organic – wines. A cocktail menu features all the classics and the bartender will help if you’re craving something obscure.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £5.50; mains from £11; desserts from £4.50.

VERDICT That this pub is hidden away is both a curse and a blessing. Such great food deserves a packed house, but, secretly, we like it quiet. FRANKIE MULLIN BEHIND THE BAR

uk.westfield.com 171 Greyhound Road, W6 8NL

theidlehour.co.uk/barons_court

Barons Court

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TRAIN BLUES I often have to take the lovely old District line to get home from work. It’s actually quite touching

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ALISON GRINTER ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR It never ceases to amaze me how badly some bands manage their PR. According to The Sun, hair metal legends Van Halen aren’t particularly impressed by podcaster Karl Pilkington’s cover of their hit song Jump. So what have they done? Ignored it in the hope that it will get a bit of coverage and go away? Nope, they’ve banned it in the US, basically ensuring that it will get more publicity and YouTube hits than Pilkington could ever have dreamed. For those of you not familiar with Pilkington, he’s Ricky Gervais’s mate, best known for producing and co-presenting The Ricky Gervais Show on XFM in the Noughties.

The Jump cover is part of his upcoming, An Idiot Abroad – The Bucket List TV series.

He’s not even particularly funny, at least not compared with Gervais, and usually I wouldn’t have given him or his comedy song a second thought. But with Van Halen’s sudden sense of humour failure, I can’t wait to see it. Job well done boys.

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PETE DOHERTY Brixton Academy, 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL FRI, SEP 23 | DOORS AT 7PM | £20

You have to wonder if Amy Winehouse’s tragic death, an indirect result of her hard living, might serve as a wake-up call for Pete Doherty. At 32, the mercurial singer-songwriter has 25 drugs convictions under his belt and as recently as this year served time in prison for cocaine possession. “I’m struggling with fucking everything because I’m so bewildered about what happened to Amy,” he told People magazine, as if the possibility of such a fate for his friend, or indeed for himself, had never crossed his mind.

In any case, Doherty is gamely ploughing on with his solo career. The Libertines’ reunification for the Leeds/ Reading festival last year now appears to have been a mere blip. Photographer John Sargent, who directed a documentary, There Are No Innocent Bystanders, about the band, told TNT earlier this year that the were still serious “trust issues” between Doherty and his old Libertines’ partner-in-creativity Carl Barat. For now, at least, it looks as though the pair are destined to pursue separate careers.

Still, old habits die hard: when Pete Doherty returned to Reading/Leeds on his lonesome this year his set was light on new material but heavy on tunes penned during The Libertines’ heyday and from his time fronting Babyshambles. Reports that he and France’s first lady, Carla Bruni, are making a record together may yet prove to be a red herring. If nothing else, it would be an interesting new direction for the indie rocker still seemingly trapped by his troubled past. o2academybrixton.co.uk

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NEW BAND

ADELE GIG SEP 19-20. 7PM £26+

Adele may have lost out on the Mercury Music Prize to PJ Harvey but with her album 21 number one all over the world she won’t be crying into her pillow. Let’s hope her recent voice problems are under control. It would be a shame if she couldn’t belt out numbers like Rolling In The Deep.

Hammersmith Apollo Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH venues.meanfiddler.com Hammersmith

Photos: Getty, TNT

THE BIG CHILL PRESENTS MIXCLOUD 2ND B’DAY ERICK SERMON DJ SET

THE SILVER SEAS

CLUB

CLUB

FRI, SEP 23. 5PM–4AM Free

THU, SEP 22. 9PM-1AM £10

It’s been two years since on-demand radio station Mixcloud launched, and almost a year since they began their banging monthly residency at The Big Chill House. We’re expecting no less from them as they usher in their second birthday with Mixcloud faves Andy Smith, Rob Luis, Hint, Chris Coco and many more.

One half of Nineties rap group EPMD and a solo artist in his own right, New York’s Erick Sermon – AKA “The Green Eyed Bandit” – touches down in Blighty for this one-off DJ set where he will be spinning a mix of his own tracks as well as a host of hip-hop, soul and funk classics that have influenced him over the years.

The Big Chill House 257-259 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL bigchill.net King’s Cross

East Village 89 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX eastvillageclub.co.uk Old Street

AVRIL LAVIGNE

GUILTY PLEASURES 7TH BIRTHDAY WIG PARTY

PEACE ONE DAY: ELIZA DOOLITTLE, MORE

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SEP 21-22. 7PM £32

SAT, SEP 24. 9PM-3AM £13.50

WED, SEP 21. 6.30PM £21+

Blasting to fame with such ridiculously catchy punk-lite tracks as Sk8ter Boi and Complicated, Canada’s Avril Lavigne is nevertheless prone to introspective moments. Witness her latest album, Goodbye Lullaby, written in the wake of her divorce from Sum 41 singer Deryck Whible. It gets an airing this week.

Seven years ago this week, DJ Sean Rowley hit upon the idea of making embarrassing music choices socially acceptable by rebranding them “guilty pleasures”. Cue a whole new generation of clubbers grooving shamelessly to hair metal and Eurotrash pop. They’ll be celebrating with soft-rock karaoke and a wig fancy dress party.

Quirky popstrel Eliza Doolittle – of Skinny Genes fame – heads up this gig in support of Peace One Day, a charity working towards a Global Truce on Peace Day (Sep 21) in 2012. Also performing will be Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens), Razorlight and Youssou NDour, while speakers on the night will include Jude Law and POD founder Jeremy Gilley.

Hammersmith Apollo Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH venues.meanfiddler.com Hammersmith

Koko 1a Camden High St, NW1 7JE koko.uk.com Mornington Crescent

The O2 Peninsular Sq, SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

THE BUZZ SO FAR Not a new band in the strictest sense but a band the UK will be largely unfamiliar with nonetheless. Originally known as The Bees, this Nashville trio’s recordings were blocked here as they shared the same name as the indie Isle of Wight band. The band’s self-released debut disc, Starry Gazey Pie, was a college-radio hit and, now, under a new moniker, they are ready to unleash their Seventiesinspired classic pop/rock here.

THE CRITICS SAY “They combine the knowingness of classic-period Steely Dan with the pop surge of a classic radio act like the Turtles and harmonies that could have wandered in from Mad Men.” The Word magazine THE PLUG Album Chateau Revenge out now.

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 19 I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage and funky house.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.

FRIDAY 23 18 Years Of Jungle Mania Jungle, old skool, drum ‘n’ bass, garage and funky house from DJs and MCs including Micky Finn, Randall, Kenny Ken, Brockie and Bryan Gee. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ (020 7820 6613). 10pm-7am. £20, adv £14.50, early bird adv £10.

BOOK NOW!

Monday Midnight Mass Nicos and Shane spin indie and rock.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). 11pm-3am. £3.

Popcorn Jonesey, Neroli, Jamie Hammond, Harvey Adam, Terry T Rex and David Hancock spin dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop.

Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020).

11pm-5.30am. £8, guestlist free.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart.

Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 10pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, free w/payslip before midnight.

TUESDAY 20 Latino Sound DJ Kirisis and CLI play R‘n’B, hip-hop and dance.

Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010). 9pm-late. £5-£10.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Panic! Max, Gaz and That Perfect Fumble play indie, electro and post-punk. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer/NUS £3.

Raw Power The Howling play a rock, punk and rock ‘n’ roll DJ set and perform live with Dangerous. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7.30pm-2am. £5.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus play electro, techno and indie, plus Pinkunoizu, Diagrams and Symphony Of The Magnetic North perform live. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

8pm-3am. £6, adv £4 & £5.

Alpha-Ville 2011 Live audio visual electronica and techno DJ sets from Pantha Du Prince, Jon Hopkins, Max Cooper, Alex Oxley, Andy Stott and Illum Sphere, featuring screenings, exhibitions, open labs and workshops. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 10pm-late. £12.50.

BODYMOVE: THE BIG IBIZA REUNION Egg, Saturday October 15. £30 Not ready for autumn? Never fear, Defected are bringing Ibiza’s sunny vibe to Egg with the help of The Shapeshifters (above), Audiowhores and more.

200 York Way, N7 9AP

egglondon.net

KIng’s Cross

WEDNESDAY 21

THURSDAY 22

Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

9pm-3am. £6, NUS £5, w/flyer £4.

C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm-3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits.

EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-6am. £15, concs £10.

Diffrent Strokes Manny Norte, Phatcatz, Maintain, CJ I DJ, Lonyo and MOBO Award winner and Kiss FM DJ Manny Norte play neo soul, 1980s pop, US house, funk and R‘n’B. Cherryjam, Porchester Rd, W2 6ET (020 7727 9950). 9pm-2am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Fabriclive Andrew Weatherall, Richard Fearless and Stopmakingme play electro, house, techno and post-punk, plus Death In Vegas perform live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 8pm-3am. £13, adv £18 inc CD, early bird £10.

London Ska Festival: Phoenix City Social Club Don Letts and Mistah Brown spin ska, soul and reggae, plus a live performance from The Lee Thompson Ska Orchestra. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958).

7pm-midnight. £12.50.

Gravity House, R‘n’B and commercial pop across three rooms, from residents including Leandro Kloppel, Jon Byrne, Jamie Head, The Oli and Sharp Boys.

Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). midnight-8am. £10, w/flyer £8, w/flyer £6 before 3am.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Erick Sermon The New York-born rapper plays a hip-hop, funk and soul DJ set, with Spin Doctor, DJ 279 and DJ EV. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-1.30am. £10.

Roda De Samba Ulisses Bezerra and Groupo So Kem Eh spin Latin and samba beats. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

5pm-late. £5 after 9pm.

Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188).

10pm-3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10.

Concrete Jungle Dub Jah Voice featuring Ras Tread, Father Johno with Son & Wooligan, Channel One with Mikey Dread, Ras Kayleb & Dauhtas and Aba-Shanti-I supply dub, roots, reggae and jungle.

The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000).

10pm-6am. £12.

I Love Pacha CK, Anderson, Martyn P, Pete James, Kristian Barker, Olly Holmes, Subterranea, Samantha Blackburn, Glove, Manuel Morales, Mauro Ferno and Mestivan play funky house, electro and minimal techno. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-6am. £15, adv £10.

Play Ramon Tapia, Renato Pezzella, Chris Mimo, Johnny Fiore, Gabriel Chip, Alex Bau, Alpha Channel, Monokode and Krikerz spin drum ‘n’ bass, house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

10pm-7am. £15, concs £10 before 1am, mems free before 11.30pm.

SATURDAY 24 Exposure DJs EZ, B Live Crew, Pioneer, Maxwell D, Crazy Cousinz, and Dee Jay S spin old school and funky house in arena one, with MC Ramzee, while in arena two Choice FM’s Firing Squad DJs, 2Four7 and Invasion Crew spin R‘n’B, with MC Versatile. Club Colosseum, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5NQ (020 7720 3609). 11pm-5am. £20, ladies £15, £10 before midnight, adv £8.

Guilty Pleasures 7th Birthday: Wig Party DJs Sean Rowley, Anna Greenwood and Hot Gusset play pop, party and dance, plus Soft Rock Karaoke. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527).

9pm-3am. £16, adv £13.50.

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Hed Kandi DJ Andy Warburton, DJ Sarah Louise and Steve Lewinson play soulful house, funk and electro, with Yasmin on sax.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-late. £20.

House Clique Resident DJs spin house music. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

North Side Central Kiko Navarro, Willie Graff, The Layabouts, Noir Music, Zaki and Jackhouse spin house, funk and tech. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm10am. £20, adv £15, earlybird £13.

The Official Ayia Napa Reunion Garage, house, UK funky, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass from DJ Cameo, DJ Luck & MC Neat, Boy Better Know, DJ Hatcha, Rampage, DJ Fonti & MC Bushkin, Marcus Nasty, Crazy Cousinz, Pied Piper and Quincy. Proud 2 at The O2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 7482 3867). 10pm6am. VIP £40, £20, early bird £15.

Twisted Society FB Julian, Dan Farserelli, Anderson, Jack Demeester and Joseph Onik provide deep house, techno and electro, plus Frivolous and Dan Berkson & James What play live. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). 6pm-4am. £20.

SUNDAY 25 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maxwell Van Morrison and Edwards Lee spin house and techno, plus Bongo Man Flex on percussion, and Fitz on electric guitar. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136).

11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies £10, free before midnight.

La Dolce Vita Resident DJs spin electro, house, techno and trance. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303).

Phone for times and prices.

In The Box DJs Enzo Gomes, Manjit, Clubholic, Kid K and Beppe Gallo play dance and electro.

Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 7pm-1am. £10, £5 before 9pm, ladies free before 9pm.

Showtime DJ FSound spins house, electro, R‘n’B and dance anthems. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-3am. £11, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Photos: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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MONDAY 19 The Black Angels The American five-piece plays psychedelic rock.

The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). £14.

Warrior Soul, King Lizard, Cheerleader Classic heavy rock with a political edge by American Kory Clarke and band.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £13.50.

BOOK NOW!

The Wayne Drury Project Musicians perform the work of the American alt country and acoustic folk sing-songwriter.

Featuring The Flynn Brothers, Laddie Ray Melvin and Wizz Jones. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

Boots Electric Los Angeles-based musician and Eagles Of Death Metal frontman Jesse Hughes performs groove-laden glam pop and playful electro-rock in support of his album Honkey Kong. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.50.

Jimmy C And The Blues Dragons Traditional blues from the artist and his band. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

The Dead Trees, The Blind Wolves Americana by the Los Angeles-based band. St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). £10, adv £8.

Hot Club Of Boisdale Parisian swing inspired by Stephane Grappelli and Django Reinhardt.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Memphis May Fire, The Color Marale, Dream Dreamer, Collapse The Control The Texan outfit plays ferocious metalcore.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £10.

Dan Wilson The Grammy Award-winning American songwriter, singer and multiinstrumentalist plays reflective folk-rock. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15.

TUESDAY 20 Between The Buried And Me, Animals Are Leaders Technical hardcore metal by the band from Raleigh, North Carolina.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.

Bob Geldof The singer-musician and activist performs pop-rock in support of his album How To Compose Popular Songs That Will Sell. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £26.

Adam Glasser Quartet The London-based South African harmonica player leads his jazz outfit. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

I’m From Barcelona Commercial pop by the group from Sweden. The Tabernacle, Powis Sq, off Portobello Rd, W11 2AY (020 7221 9700). £12.50.

Photos: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leon Michener Experimental and improv music by the keyboard player from London. Handel House Museum, Brook St, W1K 4HB (020 7495 1685). £9, NUS £5.

FRIDAY 23 SMASHING PUMPKINS Brixton Academy, November 15-16. £37.50 Wallow in more Nineties nostalgia as the Chicago alterno-rockers return to plug ninth LP Oceania. Original frontman Billy Corgan leads the new line-up SW9 9SL

o2academybrixton.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 21 Bambus City Strut Soul, funk and reggae by the London-based combo. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.

Andy Burrows Indie-pop by the singer-songwriter and ex-Razorlight drummer. Underbelly, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7837 4412). £10.

The Duke Spirit Alt rock from the London-based five-piece. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £12.50.

Esmerine The Montreal-based collective plays experimental instrumentals and ambient soundscapes. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £12.50.

David Ford Commercial Americana from the Eastbourne-based singer-songwriter. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £14.

Michael Kiwanuka Retro soul from the London-based singer and musician. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £10.

Avril Lavigne The Canadian actress, singer-songwriter and musician, known for hits including Complicated and Sk8er Boi, plays pop-punk in support of her album Goodbye Lullaby. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £29.50-£32.50.

Sabrina Malheiros The Brazilian vocalist and songwriter sings contemporary bossa nova and samba with R‘n’B and electronic influences. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £12.

Mr Big The veteran Los Angeles-based four-piece plays hard rock. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £27.50.

Claire Martin And Richard Rodney Bennett The vocalist and composer perform works from The Great American Songbook

by Irving Berlin. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £13.50-£29.50, saver seat £9.50.

Fionn Regan, Lanie Lane The singer-songwriter from Bray performs reflective folk-pop.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50.

Sarabeth Tucek, Doctor Mirabilis Americana and folk-rock by the New York-based singer-songwriter.

The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). £5.50.

Brixton

Turbogeist Punk-based alt rock by the band from London.

Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

THURSDAY 22 Alpha-ville 2011: Jacaszek, Andrzej Wojciechowski and Svarte Greiner Electroacoustica from the collaborative three-piece.

Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £12.50.

Baddies Indie-rock by the Londonbased band. Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191). £15.

BB Collective The eight-piece plays Motown, soul and funk.

Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

Danny & The Champions Of The World Country and folk-rock by the London and Oxford-based combo. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £10.

Brian Houston, Miriam Jones The Belfast-based singersongwriter plays folk-rock.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

The Magic Of Motown A celebration of the music of Motown stars, including the songs of The Jackson Five, The Temptations, Diana Ross, Marvin Gaye and The Supremes. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £18, concs £16.

Eleanor McEvoy, Al Lewis Pop-rock with folk influences from the Dublin-based singer-songwriter. Irish Cultural Centre, Blacks Rd, W6 9DT (020 8563 8232). £10.

The Babalas, Dead Dog Cafe, James Ohara Knight The Australian outfit plays retro pop and indie-rock. Bridgehouse 2, Bidder St, E16 4ST (020 7474 3200). £5.

Susan Cadogan, Ginger Williams, Janet Kay, Carol Thompson, Simplicity, Beshara, Marie Pierre Reggae and Lovers Rock from the Jamaican singer. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £25-£45.

Peter Doherty Romantic indie-rock from the Libertine and Babyshambles frontman.

O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

Hard-Fi The four-piece from Staines plays indie-rock. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £18.

I Am Not Lefthanded, The Branco Heist, Kim Boeje, The Play Association All-Stars, Novation The three-piece plays melodic indie and reflective alt pop. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15.

SATURDAY 24 Beyond His Courts: Sonnie Badu, Kofi Ampadu And Pneuma Gospel from the singer-songwriter and Minister. The Mermaid Conference & Events Centre, Puddle Dock, EC4V 3DB (020 7236 1919). £15.

Breathe Carolina, Tek One Electronic rock from the American twosome. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £9.

Cleopatra Band The outfit plays Greek music. The Hellenic Centre, Paddington St, W1U 5AS (020 7487 5060). £15 inc greek meze.

Jesus Culture Pop-rock by the Californian-combo.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £14.

The Others Indie-rock by the Brighton-based band.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10.

Pure Festival A celebration of contemporary music and whisky. Saturday features The Raveonettes, Electric Soft Parade, Charlie Weller, Shake Tiger Shake and Ray Edwards Band. James Yorkston, Smoke Fairies and Kassidy play on Sunday. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). day ticket £28.50, weekend ticket £50.

Eric Ranzoni Blues Band Piano-led blues outfit.

Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Shapeshifter The New Zealandbased outfit fuses electronica, drum ‘n’ bass and dub. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

Rock Around The Sixties: Vanity Fare, The New Honeycombs Sixties pop from the veteran outfit.

Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £17, concs £15.

Soothsayers The collective plays Afrobeat and reggae.

The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £15.

Martin Simpson, Alasdair Roberts, Jonny Kearney And Lucy Farrell Folk and blues from the Scunthorpe-born singer-songwriter and guitarist.

Bishopsgate Institute, Bishopsgate, EC2M 4QH (020 7392 9200/ cc 020 7392 9220). £15.

Tim Barry, Josh Small, Mike Scott, Louise Distras Acoustic rock from the American singer-songwriter.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £10.

Slim Chance Original members Steve Simpson and Charlie Hart from the 1970s band rejoin to perform folk-rock songs by frontman Ronnie Lane. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £17.

The Spikedrivers The trio performs bluesy folk and Americana.Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £8, concs £6.

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul from the seven-piece. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £5-£20.

Transcender: JuJu, Bombino Afrobeat and rock by Justin Adams, Juldeh Camara and colleagues. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891 / cc 020 7638 8891). £12.50-£17.50.

Singing Adams Indie-pop from the four-piece. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50.

The Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain The ensemble performs classical and rock favourites.

Blackheath Halls, Lee Rd, SE3 9RQ (020 8463 0100). £22, adv £20.

SUNDAY 25

Bombay Bicycle Club Indie-rock quartet from London. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

Grand Union Orchestra World music ensemble, with local singers and musicians including the Empire Community Choir.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£20.

Rahsaan Patterson, N’Dambi R‘n’B and soul from the American singer-songwriter, producer and actor. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £27.50 & £30.

Prince Allah, Daweh Congo, Demolition Man, Jah Youth Classic Rastafarian roots reggae by the Jamaican singer. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/cc 020 7428 5929). £15.

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At work: Mo Copoletta, of the Family Business, in his studio

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LONDONFOCUS

Skin deep In the lead-up to this weekend's London International Tattoo convention, two artists reveal how to make your art stand out WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

Tattoos have experienced a golden era during the past 10 years, taken even further into the mainstream by reality TV shows such as London Ink and by their high-profile positions on the bodies of celebrities such as David Beckham and Rihanna. The days of anyone choosing to adorn themselves in body art being treated as an outcast are long gone.

In 2012, bankers, architects and doctors – perhaps even your parents – are inked. And, as each generation discovers the thrill and satisfaction of a high-powered needle leaving a design that will always be with them, inkers are finding no shortage of canvases.

This week, aficionados of this ancient artform – collectors and 250 of the world’s elite artists – will descend on London, bringing their colourful, patterned skins to receive more decorative pigment changes or to gather inspiration and share tales at the annual London International Tattoo Convention. It’s a reflection of the current popularity of tattooing that more than 20,000 people are expected through the doors of the event, and many of them will have the designs of Mo Copoletta, owner of Farringdon-based The Family Business, etched permanently on to their bodies.

Copoletta, an artist with 14 years of administering skin art under his belt, is open in his assessment of much of the body art you’ll see wandering the streets of London in 2011.

His view is that, in combination with the obvious originality of the design, to stand out among the sea of colour and shading, collectors should find an experienced artist intrinsically aware of what looks good and what doesn’t.

“Every other thing in the world of art – paintings etc – generally, [only] the trained eye will see quality,“ he says.

“With tattooing, you don’t need to have a trained eye.

Tattooing is an art that's pretty direct, so either it’s a welldone tattoo, it’s a beautiful tattoo, or it’s not.“ As the artform increases in popularity, Copoletta says he has noticed changes in the way his clients approach ink – with people becoming far more discerning.

“The fact that the tattoo world has attracted many more people opened the door for customers to come in with a point of reference – a good vision about what they want,“ he says. “However, we, at the end of the day, take over and we design the tattoo. So, while it’s good for a customer to have references and examples, people shouldn’t really design their own tattoos, they should just come in with ideas.“ As you’d expect from a businessman, Copoletta has

a natural enthusiasm about the line of work he’s chosen to earn a livelihood from, but he also brings a healthy consideration for a client’s needs. Because, after all, it’s his signature, his reputation they’re going to be walking around with on their skin. “People come in with far too many requests sometimes,“ he says. “They might want to cram everything they want in to one single tattoo, which is not a good idea, because it can create a mess of meanings and become a mess graphically.“ Fellow artist Nikole Lowe, who appeared in London Ink and owns Good Times studio in Shoreditch, agrees. But while Lowe says she’s impressed by the level of knowledge from clients, if there’s one thing she laments in terms of the popularity of body art, it’s the passing of the mystery of tattooing that existed when she first learnt her trade 20 years ago.

“There never used to be the internet or magazines,“ she says. “It used to be like a secret, magic circle, you didn’t share your knowledge with other people so freely. Nowadays, information is so easily available and kids buy equipment and tattoo each other in their bedrooms, and that’s when things are gonna go wrong, people get bad tattoos and infections.“ ››

Nikole Lowe of Good Times TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Good tattoos will always stand out In terms of today’s styles, Lowe, who counts tattooing an angry duck on a dwarf’s penis among the weirdest of the thousands of pieces she’s done, says those that have stood the tattooing test of time are the ones still appreciated today.

“There’s still a high amount of Japanese influence, old school traditional, tribal – those three styles have been around forever and have stood the test of time,“ she says.

“With the tribal stuff, it’s art from Maori, Borneo, Samoan, Tahitian cultures – designs that are really strong and bold.“ But, as for the proliferation of neck tattoos that have emerged on the streets of London during the past five years, both Lowe and Copoletta dismiss it as a trend brought about by young people seeing a rock star on TV and imitating them, with no regard for the future.

“I believe it’s more of a cool factor of belonging to a scene rather than a mature decision of having something on your neck,“ Copoletta says. “Before going to neck and hands, you need to live with tattoos and have visible parts of your body, like forearms and legs, done first to be able to get used to people’s reactions. Because, no matter what, you’re always going to get a reaction from people, and you’re not going to be 20 forever and looking rock’n’roll your whole life.“ And, even in a world where people are more savvy than ever about the artform, Lowe still deals with people who have changed their mind about their ink. “It costs a lot more and hurts a lot more to get them removed. But that's

another thing: you can get things removed now. You never used to be able to – well, it would leave a massive scar.“ However, removal doesn’t always spell the end of the urge for more ink; for some, it just creates more canvas.

“One customer who I tattooed decided his choice wasn’t bold enough so he went and had it removed. I’m going to cover it up and do it all over again for him,“ she laughs.

Both Copoletta and Lowe agree should the artform drop in popularity it will be the operators known for producing quality work who will find themselves able to survive.

“You can be content or you can have a desire to push yourself,“ Copoletta says. “At the end of the day it’s up to the operator if they want to challenge themselves or not.

It comes down to stylistic challenges. The technique, you acquire it and it’s always pretty much the same, with a little fine tuning, but it comes down to the drawing and the art.“ And Lowe echoes that sentiment of not settling for second best in her advice to those thinking they’ll add to, or start their own collection, at the tattoo convention this weekend. “Research, trawl around for artists, use word of mouth,“ she says. “If you see someone in the street with something you like, stop them and ask them about it. That’s the key. You’ve just got to keep looking.“ 7th London International Tattoo Convention, Sept 23-25. From £20 50 Porters Walk, Wapping, E1W 2SF Shadwell thelondontattooconvention.com See also ilovegoodtimes.co.uk; thefamilybusinesstattoo.com Photos: redi Marcarini & Chris Terry from Tattooed by the Family Business – Pavilion, Getty

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SATURDAY OCTOBER 15 QEII Conference Centre

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Frankie Knuckles

Contrary to popular opinion, the iconic DJ claims not to have invented house music. But he wants us to understand what makes a killer tune all the same INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER

Most clubbing pundits credit you with inventing house music during your time at Warehouse in Chicago in the early Eighties. Do you agree?

Not at all. I’ve been given credit by a lot of people – mostly journalists – but no. I think what I was playing at Warehouse might have inspired a lot of people, but there were a number of house records that came out before I truly released anything.

Chicago was a Midwest backwater in those days. They wouldn’t have known what hit them when you arrived from New York with your innovative sounds.

Chicago really didn’t have anything like that before I got there. So just to get the doors open and get people vibing and dancing to music from New York that the Midwest hadn’t even been privy to at all was exciting. But I grew with the people in Chicago, too. Every party we had just brought something new – the people helped make that happen … I mean, I will listen to anything from the Doobie Brothers to Donna Summer. If it worked, that was the only thing that was important. To date, house has moved so far away from what it was originally. It was never all four-on-the-floor at 130 beats per minute and no vocals. The tracks these days are mostly instrumental.

Photos: TNT

So what do you think of modern house?

Hmm. I’m not crazy about the way people are educated about it today. A lot of the young people who are hanging out now think they know what it is, but they don’t. It’s a very songbased music and most of these guys who call themselves house DJs and producers are not producing songs. Please don’t misunderstand me – I don’t diss what they do but if they want to call themselves house DJs or house producers then produce a song, and get back to me, that’s what I say.

Speaking of songs, you’re re-releasing Your Love with the original vocalist Jamie Principle. Sounds exciting …

Actually I was more nervous than excited; the song itself is so iconic and there are so many people who have an emotional attachment to it so to reproduce it was more scary than anything

“I’ll take this much credit” because if I didn’t do it right I could do more harm than good. But I wasn’t so much trying to change it as to make it viable for DJs today, so it can work sonically with what’s going on on dancefloors now. A number of different people have covered it and they’ve done some kind of kitschy or some kind of funky things that I didn’t necessarily agree with, but you know, that’s artistic licence. See I’m a firm believer that if you’re going to cover someone else’s song especially, if it’s something that is great, you should do as good a job as they did or better. No one had done as good a job or better so I just figured I could take a stab at it and do it better.

opened, it was one of the best things to happen to this country. But what happened was it just got stupid. The security that worked on the door just treated people really badly and management didn’t do anything to correct it. I mean, in the dead of winter when it’s freezing outside, why have people standing in a queue for hours when they’ve come to listen to their favourite DJ? It’s one thing if the club has reached capacity but a lot of times they would leave people standing outside. You know, anybody who’s coming to see me, get them off the street! To hell with mystique. Why treat people like that? It’s disrespectful.

You’ve been over here helping Ministry of Sound celebrate their 20th Birthday.

What does that club mean to you?

Well, Ministry of Sound means a lot of things to me but I’m not going to say what all of those things are [laughs]. And I’m happy they made it to 20 years and I’m proud to be part of their history and, um, I’m gonna leave it right there...

You’ve done quite a few Michael Jackson remixes in your time. What was he like to work with?

He was great. I thought he was fine. I mean yeah, of course I was fascinated by him just like everyone else. He knew exactly what he wanted and if he trusted you then he’d get out of the way and let you do your thing. I produced a few remixes for him and he was thrilled with them.

They were trying to capture the New York and Chicago house sound, do you think they achieved that?

Well, I think in the beginning it did. When it first

Frankie Knuckles’ Director’s Cut: Your Love ft. Jamie Principle out now. Album Frankie Knuckles In The House out October 24.

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LONDONSCENE

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CRAZY STUPID LOVE FILM review by Alison Grinter STARRING: Steve Carrell, Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling, | CERT: 12A | RT: 118mins

DRIVE FILM STARRING: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan 18 | 100mins

The Scandinavian invasion of Hollywood continues as Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn makes his American debut with this LA-set crime thriller which pays homage to Eighties action flicks. Ryan Gosling plays a stunt performer who moonlights as a wheelman for some small-time crooks.

All goes swimmingly until a job goes wrong and he discovers a contract has been taken out on his life. Carey Mulligan plays his love interest.

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You’ve got to worry when 30 minutes into a comedy the best joke so far is the one featured in the trailer. Julianne Moore’s character, Emily, confesses to her husband, who she’s just dumped, that she went to see the new Twilight movie by herself: “It was soooo bad,” she sobs.

Really, this was the only gag to elicit a proper belly laugh from the audience during the first half of the film. A pity, because the premise for Crazy Stupid Love has so much comedic potential. The husband in question is Cal (Carrell) – whose life begins to fall apart when his aforementioned wife of 25 years asks for a divorce. Frequenting a bar to drown his sorrows, he meets self-styled ladies’ man Jacob (Gosling) who takes pity on him and vows to turn him into a smooth-talking sex machine. Sadly, the stellar cast struggles to bring the limp, unfunny script, which is peppered with groan-out-loud cliched plot points, to life.

But for all its early problems, the film builds to a brilliant payoff, aided by a sudden twist and one of the funniest set pieces since Kirsten Wiig popped a Mogadon on a flight in Bridesmaids. This moment alone justifies the ticket price.

Carrell plays his usual hapless doofus shtick, perfected in The Office: An American Workplace, but he also digs deep to play an emotionally wrecked father.

Moore plays drippy Emily to full effect and Gosling, popping up everywhere at the moment, is pitch-perfect as the pants-man with a vulnerable side. Crazy Stupid Love is engaging, touching and laugh-out-loud funny, once it gets off the ground.

GOOD FOR: Anyone who has lost faith in love but wants a good laugh, too

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SIMON MUNNERY

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Only Munnery could get away with putting on a one-man musical about the R101 airship. Plying surreal, awkward humour, the eccentric stand-up has been known to use Leonard Cohen for his intro music – Michael McIntyre he ain’t. His show Hats Off To The 101ers And Other Material, a hit in Edinburgh, arrives in London this week.

Photos: Catherine Ashmore; TNT

Leicester Square Theatre WC2H 7BX, Sat, Sep 24. £15. leicestersquaretheatre.com Leicester Sq

Ha ha!

POSTMODERNISM: STYLE AND SUBVERSION

DECADE

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Representing a dramatic departure from modernism’s utopian worldview, postmodernism sprang from a radical architectural movement in the 1970s and went on to influences every nook and cranny of popular culture. On show will be Jeff Koon’s stainless steel bust of Louis XIV and music videos from Grace Jones and New Order.

To mark 9/11, director Rupert Goold integrates contributions from 19 writers in a site-specific commemoration, set in the ill-fated Windows On The World restaurant. Scott Ambler’s urgent choreography and the annual meetings of three widows link the diverse narratives relating to the legacy of the Twin Towers’ destruction. LK

V&A Cromwell Rd, SW7 2RL. Sep 24-Jan 8. £12.50 vam.ac.uk South Kensington

Commodity Quay E1W 1AZ. Until Oct 15. £35 decadeheadlong.com Tower Hill

WARRIOR

THE TEMPEST

FILM

THEATRE

Pittsburgh brothers Tommy Conlan (Tom Hardy) and Brendan (Joel Edgerton) settle old family scores by going head-to-head in a mixed martial arts tournament. The two leads are excellent and director Gavin O’Connor never lets up on the momentum with some gripping fight sequences. Nick Nolte puts in a poignant turn as the alcoholic father, desperate to atone for his past misdeeds. On general release. Catch our

Ralph Fiennes makes a commandingly resonant and troubled Prospero at the heart of Trevor Nunn’s slowly unfolding, traditional production of Shakespeare’s late play. Atmospheric lighting adds an otherworldly glow to the exiled Duke’s island kingdom where an androgynous, airborne Ariel executes his master’s magic. LK

interview with Joel Edgerton next week.

Theatre Royal Haymarket SW1Y 4HT. Until Oct 29. £11+ trh.co.uk Piccadilly

SANDERSON JONES Tell us a joke Many people dream of dying surrounded by their family, but we can’t all be lucky enough to get caught in a bushfire.

Why are you selling every ticket to your show by hand?

It means I’ve met everyone in the audience, the gigs feel very personal and I customise the show to that night’s crowd. It’s amazing what you can find out about people with a bit of Google.

Is online interaction the future of comedy? It’s certainly the future of my comedy. I love the internet and try to squeeze as much of it into my shows as possible, including stand-up’s first live onstage Chat Roulette (it’s a random internet video chat site). The game is called Cock Hunter. Put it this way, the last thing the online pervs are expecting to see is an entire audience looking at them.

Have you ever died on stage?

Yes, when I told that bushfire joke in Melbourne a few weeks after Black Saturday.

Booking now for Union Chapel, N1 2XT. Fri, Oct 14. £15 comedysale.com

email sanderson@ HIghbury & Islington

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Suave: Firth greets the press 32

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The Firth dimension There are no worries about Colin Firth’s career tanking after his Oscar win. He’s back in the saddle with Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy WORDS PIERRE DE VILLIERS

Of all the rumours surrounding Colin Firth, there is one the actor is particularly bemused by. “No, I did not leave my Oscar in the loo at the Academy Awards,” Firth says as he sits down with TNT at a hotel in the heart of London.

“Someone completely and utterly made that up. It’s not a particularly bad story – it’s not worth denying and yet it just happens not to be true. There was a story of me leaving a Bafta in a bar as well. There are some extraordinary things out there [about me].”

Clearly, Firth is still acclimatising to the increased glare of the media spotlight after he walked off with the Best Actor Oscar for The King’s Speech earlier this year. When the actor, whose choice today of a black suit makes him look like he stepped out of a fashion magazine, recalls the storm of publicity that surrounded his success, he smiles wearily.

“When something major comes along, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, we go into a slight state of shock and it takes a while to process,” Firth says. “It was a pleasant shock but nonetheless slightly numbing. I imagined that I would get a sensation of wanting to punch the air come June or July, which has happened actually. The shock starts to wear off and I suddenly want to go and celebrate but everyone’s gone home.”

In addition to dealing with an increased number of paparazzi buzzing around his life, the actor also has to face to up to the dreaded ‘Oscar curse’ which has seen the careers of many Academy Award winners nosedive. So, how does Firth deal with the career pressure that comes with the little golden man?

“I just deal with it by not dealing with it,” he shrugs.

“There are two ways of looking at it, I think, when a piece of good fortune lands on you like that. One is to feel pressure and to become paralysed by it and to say that I have to do everything right and you won’t. One doesn’t do everything right. It is a spin of the dice every time. I think that’s a dangerous way to go. Or you just say – I’ve got that in the bag, I can do what I want and use it for a sense of freedom.”

Judging by his latest film, an adaptation of John le Carre’s novel Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Firth will easily escape the Academy Award curse.

A beautifully crafted drama set in the 1970s, it follows the exploits of espionage veteran George Smiley (played by Gary Oldman) as he tries to flush out a Russian mole within MI6.

Among those under suspicion is Smiley’s sardonic colleague Bill Haydon (Firth).

Firth jumped at the chance of being part of an amazing ensemble cast that also includes John Hurt, Tom Hardy and Mark Strong. “This suited me perfectly,” he says.

“I did very little last year except bang on endlessly about what I had done before. To do something that I thought was the best project around, not carry it and to be surrounded by those people – that was the main attraction really. We were all rather tongue-tied in the presence of John Hurt. We have all been weaned on brilliant performance by him since we can remember. These are some of the best actors I have ever seen and it just felt good to be a part of that with such good dialogue and such interesting material.”

For Firth, stepping on to the 1970s sets was a bit like reliving his own childhood.

“I was 12 in 1973 and I remember the typewriters, the places, the briefcases, the tweed and those cars,” he recalls.

“Because the 1970s was such an extraordinary era it took us quite a while to get over it and it took a while for it to ››

Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy and Benedict Cumberbatch TNTMAGAZINE.COM

33

be cool. You can’t believe that some things are gone and that some things are still around. We still got the sherbet fountains.”

While Firth comes across as one of the most unflustered actors around, he does admit to being nervous about accepting a CBE from the Queen.

“I don’t think there is a lot of conversation involved,” he says chatting about his date with the monarch. “There will be quite a few of us around so I’m not sure what she is going to say about The King’s Speech.

“I’ve got no idea whether she has seen it. There were some reports but I’m not sure if they’ve been verified. I know other members of the royal family have seen it and the response has been positive.”

As someone who has an Oscar on his mantelpiece and will soon have a CBE on his chest, you have to wonder whether Firth could be prone to going on some power trip.

There’s no danger of that, says the actor, when his three sons keep him in check.“One of my sons did point out that I was not yet even the most influential person in my own household, let alone anywhere else,” he says. “So I have not seen a huge amount of difference spilling into the personal life.”

TNT reminds Firth that having been given the freedom of the City London it does now allow him

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is out now

34

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Photos: Getty

Red carpet: Firth and wife Livia Giuggioli, and, right, in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

drive sheep across London Bridge.“In that sense I am infinitely more powerful,” he laughs. “Nobody can stop me with the sheep now. Just try.”

As the interview draws to a close, it is the impact his Oscar success will have on his ability to lead a relatively normal life that occupies Firth’s mind.

With the phone-hacking scandal still fresh in the memory, the star is acutely aware that there are newspapers out there that are desperate to dig into his private life.

“There are moments I feel very conscious there are means to find out things about you,” he says. “I take comfort in the fact that there is very little of interest when it comes to me.

“You can find out what I shop for, that sort of thing. I’ve been followed to the purchase of a toothbrush and have been photographed buying a vacuum cleaner. I do feel a little dull when it comes to secrets.” ❚

tntjobs.co.uk PaymentSense Ltd

JOB OF THE WEEK: Business Development Manager Location: Notting Hill, West London Salary: £15,000 + commission. OTE £42k

T: 020 8962 5423 www.paymentsense.com We provide Chip & Pin services to small businesses including retailers, restaurants and hairdressers across the UK.

You will be responsible for sourcing potential new customers and offering to save them money by switching to us. You’ll need to be positive, friendly, driven, a skilled communicator and motivated by earning generous commission.

Neelam Ilyas 020 8962 5423 Or Stuart Vickery 020 8962 3105

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments

Gallowglass T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

Vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew.

You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude.

CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £15,000 by Christmas!

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night.

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SPARETIME

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Renegade Ops PC

Blow up and shoot things to save the world from a madman called Inferno. £9.99 sega.co.uk

CD

The band’s fourth album, which guitarist Serge said he can’t remember writing. £7.99 hmv.com

Mah-Jong 300 Tasseomancy: Ulalume

Nintendo DS

Chinese classic with three difficulty levels and 300 layouts. Addictive. £17.99 game.co.uk

CD

The intriguingly moody album comes out as a candle and matchbox set. Arty. £10.00 recorddrop.com

Word Chat iPhone

Michael Johnson: Gold Rush

A bit like a younger, hipper, sexier version of the family favourite, Scrabble. £0.69 itunes.apple.com

Book

Four-time Olympic champion shows how athletes are made, not born. £13.99 sainsburys.co.uk

Post Secret iPhone

Share secrets with strangers via this anonymous app – a bit like AA for gossips. £1.49 postsecretapp.com

Pearl Jam: Twenty Book

In the midst of grunge revival, Pearl Jam tell their story in their own words. £20.00 hmv.com

Shoot the clock with gun remote Alarm clock

Ever craved the satisfaction of shooting your alarm clock? £22.95

Glee: Season 2 DVD box set

Catch up on the pitch-perfect tales of high school drama from the glee club. £28.99 play.com

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iMP Panda Cub Console Case For Nintendo 3DS/DSi/DS LIte

South Park: Season 14

A secure and oh-so-cute case for your Nintendo DS console. £12.99 amazon.co.uk

DVD

Still going strong, the kids deal with social networking and “muff cabbage”. £15.93 amazon.co.uk

App of the Week Freaky Alarm iPhone

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Photos: TNT

For serial snoozers, this app forces you to wake up with with some logical games that have to be solved to stop its annoying noise. £0.69 freakyalarm.com

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Nautical Jacket This cute cropped blazer with pipe trim collar will make you the perfect shipmate.

Amundsen Graphic Tee The vintage-inspired handdrawn chest graphic screams rugged seaman.

Olivia anchor bag Say ‘hello, sailor’ to this roomy striped bag embellished with nautical charms from Paul’s Boutique.

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MARKETWATCH SUKA SPORT

Photos: TNT

If you are one of those healthy types who goes for runs at the crack of dawn, does weights at lunchtime, then swims after work to unwind, then this new boutique sports store is probably right up your alley. Suka is an independent, specialist multisport shop in the West End that has evolved, rather bizarrely, from a coffee shop in Germany to stockist of the most advanced running, cycling and swimming equipment from around the globe. You’ll find everything from T-shirts and wetsuits, to nutrition products and a gait analysis service by appointment – take your old trainers.

The basement also hosts a number of specialised classes, such as yoga for cyclists and yoga for runners, which are all manfriendly.

OPEN 11am-7pm, Mon, Tue, Wed, Fri; 11am-8pm, Thu. COST From £15 for a T-shirt to £1500 for a bike sukasport.com 47 Beak Street, W1F 9SE Oxford Circus

Joules Saunton Shawl Neck Jumper The toggle adds the perfect nautical touch to this handsome shawl jumper. johnlewis.com

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Ralph Lauren striped swim shorts Throw caution to the high winds and make a snazzy statement in these babies.

Men’s plaited rope belt Give your khakis, jeans or corduroys a splash of marine styling. burton.co.uk

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37

LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

SPACE HOPPER There’s something wonderful about exercise disguised as a childhood pursuit. There’s always laughter, a hint of silliness and you’d much quicker get off the couch to play in the park than, say, run five laps around it. Enter space hopper classes, the latest calorie-burning craze in nostalgia sports. The classes, which cost £7 each, involve using the space hoppers in strange and imaginative ways, from bouncing around to hoisting them above your head while you squat.

And try not to keel over in laughter when you begin playing such games as ‘Duck, duck, goose’.

The sessions start with relays and races, then you move on to working the core muscles with planks and press-ups, for example.

According to Abi Hardy, a personal trainer who started the classes, you can burn about 500 calories each session and also tone the legs, arms and abs through using the hoppers like Swiss balls. Sayonara bingo wings! In between the toning work there are short sessions of bouncing to remind you it really is child’s play, and the hour-long class finishes with games to ensure that heart rates and spirits stay high.

Highbury Fields or Clapham Common hopperhappiness. co.uk Highbury & Islington or Clapham Common

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Eastern gems The Westfield Stratford centre isn’t all shiny chain stores – we find the new megamall’s soul WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

At 1.9 square feet, Westfield Stratford City is a shiny megastructure, full of big brands, chain stores and Olympics merchandise. But mass-produced swag isn’t the only thing filling the stores’ racks. The mall has space for quirks too, including a tongue-in-cheek fancy dress shop and a whole lot of edgy clothes stores.

Pulp, Lower ground floor Stop off here for band tees and merch, bright-coloured skinny jeans, rockabillystyle shoes and some bold slogan T-shirts from brands such as Glamour Kills – the one sporting the words “fantasy > reality” is our personal favourite – and David & Goliath – think the most kitch of cartoons. thisispulp.co.uk

Party Fiesta, Lower ground floor Planning a big party? This has all the festive supplies you need, with masks, fancy dress costumes – any Halloween outfit you can

think of, even a zombie chef – and a whole lot of decorations. You’ll find rotating disco balls, party sweets, bright garlands and flags, plus pinatas in all shapes and sizes. But the best bits are the Balloon Club – where they custom-make helium balloons displays to fit your party’s theme – and a make-up station, where you can get your face painted to match your costume. partyfiesta.com

Foot Asylum, Ground floor If your idea of a good T-shirt is one that sports Jay-Z’s mug covered in doodles of a moustache and glasses, you’re in luck. This men’s and women’s clothing and shoe store stocks the best loud hip-hop trainers, the brightest Doc Martens boots (think floral print, patent and metallic purple) in every colour of shoe-lace under the sun and statement clothes from brands like Projekts NYC, Amplified and Anticulture. footasylum.com

Glitzy: Nicole Scherzinger performs at the opening

Take your pick from 300 shops 38

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LOOKING GOOD

Voi Jeans eau de toilette With notes of mint and lemon £24.50 thefragranceshop.

Homedics Quad Massager It vibrates and it’s delightful £9.99 homedics.co.uk

Wallets out: Europe’s largest urban shopping centre Fashion Rocks, Ground floor

Vero Moda, First floor

Even if you haven’t got enough cash to buy any of the designer gear at Fashion Rocks, it’s still worth checking out. The store holds events that mix culture and fashion for a truly conceptual experience. Then, when you inevitably spot something you love, you can wait for the sales. fashionrocks.com

Mannequins with wolves’ heads sport the womenswear in this bright, busy store, which includes hot autumnal floral designs, cosy winter coats, animal prints and some lush autumn knits. This may not be London’s first Vero Moda, but it’s still got its edge. For those with a daring streak, lace collars, highshine leggings and tie-dye jeggings can also be found in store. Prices are good – expect to pay about £30 for dresses and trousers and £20NEXT WEEK £25 for tops. We’ll London’s most have three of unusual sports each, please. veromoda.com

AND THE REST Buy intricately-shaped bread at Karaway Bakery.

Dwell sells quirky products for the home.

More great tees can be found at Base.

Find beautiful Turkish towels at Özdilek.

Comptoir Libanais is best for Middle Eastern grub.

Ted Baker Origami Occasions It’s lovely stuff for your bod £10.00 boots.co.uk

Photos: Getty

TOP TREATMENT: NON-SURGICAL BUM-LIFT Unfortunately, we can’t all be blessed with perfectly pert derrieres like Beyonce and J-Lo, but we can cheat. Get booty-licious by treating yourself to the non-surgical bum-lift using Caci technology. Hailed as a viable alternative to botox, wands which emit electric currents are applied to your bot-bot and work to ‘re-educate’ and restore your muscle tone.

Ten sessions are recommended for a sweet ass. £40.00

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Covent Garden

Blistex Daily Lip Conditioner Blitz autumn-cracked lips £2.30 blistex.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Every woman’s dream: Leigh gets to play with chocolate all day long

Doing the odd job Think your job is straight? It probably is compared to these guys WORDS REBECCA KENT

Some are questionable, others are admirable, but all of them unorthodox – there sure are some unusual jobs being carried out in the capital, as TNT found out.

Doing post mortems on whales While we like to think of zoos as being filled with lively creatures, the reality is there are dead ones, too. Scalpel in hand, Rob Deaville, 42, project manager at the Institute of Zoology’s Cetacean Strandings Investigation Programme, dives into the blubbery casings of whales, seals, porpoises and dolphins that have been stranded around the British coast.

As well as working at the laboratory tables at ZSL London Zoo, Deaville, from Brighton, who works in a team 40

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

of three, gets called out to attend the strandings. “It’s always interesting when I get a call on the train about work. I field some weird looks from people who are off to their desk jobs, while I’m off to cut open a whale,” Deaville says.

Chocolate taster William Leigh beat 3000 applicants to nab every woman’s dream job of taste assistant at Green & Blacks in central London.

The PR fluff will have you believe the 33-year-old works hard to achieve chocolate greatness – “starting at 8am ... working hard to develop new flavours” ... blah blah. Put simply, he eats chocolate all day. Although, Leigh’s CV lends some clout: he trained for two

years as a chocolatier and he was an established food writer before landing the job earlier this year. He also had to undergo a tough application process, including identifying the spices infused into a selection of ganaches.

But the perks are obvious: “I’ve always got a bar in my pocket, there are bars at my desk and my fridge is full of the stuff, too. My job is amazing,” Leigh, from Stockwell, boasts.

Handwriting analyst Ruth Myers’s ability to study writing has been used as forensic evidence in court, and to get inside the heads of serial killers – including Harold Shipman, the doctor who killed his patients and rewrote their wills.

Magazines and tabloid newspapers

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ON THE JOB ISABEL-CLARA LORDA VIDA

Dog lover: Brenda Butler

CAREER Director, Cervantes Institute AGE 54 LIVES London FROM Barcelona How did you get into your line of work?

I’m a literary translator from Dutch into Spanish and was also working as a high school teacher when I was offered the post of director of Instituto Cervantes language school in Utrecht. I worked there for five years before moving to London.

Magic: Smith plays his cards right

Stranding: Deaville gets to work

also consult Myers, 57, for her take on celebs. She once studied the writing of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

“She’s outgoing and he’s an introvert,” she reveals. “It’s just a physical attraction.”

Myers, from Barnet, has practiced the science for 17 years, having studied graphology and forensics in Chicago.

Our writing can reveal things about us we don’t even know, she claims.

She adds: “Most people go through life not realising their full potential, being someone who people think they are. But through their writing, I can tell them a lot more.” (ruthmyers.com).

Photos: TNT

Magician Set up in Hamleys Toy Shop in Regent Street for 25 years performing Marvin’s Magic tricks (marvinsmagic.com), Bruce Smith has played to awed audiences and a superstar or two.

“Michael Jackson came in seven times and I always showed him something new. In one of the last times he came in, he leant over to me and said, ‘I remember you’ and I said, ‘I remember you, too’. He said, ‘I want some levitation’, so I showed him the levitating match trick. He loved it.

“When he went to leave, he stood at the door with 500 or so fans screaming on the other side and turned around and said, ‘So how do you get that ring

to go around the match?’ I liked his priorities,” Smith, 49, says. Smith got into the job because he was, by his own admission, rubbish at everything else, and says the best magicians are those who appear to be as amazed as their audience that a trick has pulled off.

Hearing dog trainer Brenda Butler teaches dogs how to hear on behalf of deaf owners. As a partnership support instructor for Hearing Dogs For Deaf People, she shadows her clients and their canine helpers in their daily lives.

Butler, 56, can be found making strange requests to authorities to sound emergency alarms for training, in which case a dog will lie down in front of their owner. “It’s the owner’s job to determine what the alarm is for,” Butler says. “I knew one deaf lady, without a dog, who went into a fitting room to try on a dress, then came out and found the shop was deserted.

“Deafness is a hidden illness, and often people just find it easier to ignore deaf people. So, besides acting as a warning sign, dogs also encourage people to approach the owners.

NEXT WEEK Sometimes this can be the only contact Get a job in the fashion industry with the world they ever get.”

What do you do day-to-day?

I co-ordinate the institute’s team of directors and their respective departments: academic (the language school); cultural; the library; and administration. I also contribute to the cultural programme. We have free cultural events every week, from literary workshops to Spanish film screenings (londres.cervantes.es).

The best part of your job Meeting people involved and interested in culture and education.

What’s the most challenging?

Making our Institute more visible in London.

HOW TO... LOOK EMPLOYABLE ONLINE

• Chose a Facebook profile

picture that shows you in your best light. It will be seen by employers, regardless of your privacy settings.

• Show you are respectful of

your employers by turning off the function in Linkedin that makes the new contacts you add show up in updates.

• Google your interviewer

before an interview to seek their interests or articles. Any comments you make should impress them.

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41

COMPUTERS IN THE CITY

2nd & 3rd Line Support Analyst - Windows Server 2003/2008, Exchange, Active Directory, VMware, Cisco Exciting opportunity to join a City based IT consultancy, providing high levels of IT support to organisations throughout the City and West End. Working in a team of 8 (helpdesk through to 3rd line) you’ll provide 2nd and some 3rd line support to London based customers. This company is vibrant and fast paced and the successful individual must have the ability to multi task and demonstrate excellent client facing and communication skills.

A “can do” attitude and a willingness to provide technical support at all levels, regardless of complexity based on demand.

You’ll need proven ‘hands on’ technical skills with Windows Servers 2003/2008, exchange, Active Directory, VMware and Cisco. Any relevant qualifications, such as MCSE/MCIT, CCNA or VCP would be preferred.

COMPUTERS IN THE CITY

New Business Development Manager As part of an expansion plan we now require a client facing, New Business Development Manager based in our London office. The role involves identifying, qualifying and closing revenue streams of varying value for our extensive range of Managed Service and Maintenance Solutions into new accounts. The ideal candidate will possess a minimum of 4-5 years of very successful IT sales experience, preferably gained in the Managed Services sector. They will be confident, driven, dynamic, proactive and committed to joining a growing organisation in order to further develop their career. As you would expect, excellent written and verbal communication skills, high levels of self motivation, integrity and excellent time management skills are mandatory personal attributes required from all potential candidates. The salary which is negotiable is very much dependent upon age, experience and previous sales success. The base salary can be substantially increased by achievement of sales targets.

Please apply with cover letter and CV to: barbara@citc.it

Please apply with cover letter and CV to: barbara@citc.it

COMPUTERS IN THE CITY

COMPUTERS IN THE CITY

50 Leadenhall Street, London EC3A 2BJ www.citc.it

50 Leadenhall Street, London EC3A 2BJ www.citc.it

TOP DOLLARS FOR TOP PEOPLE We are a leading publisher based in Camden, London, currently seeking to recruit money hungry advertising salespeople to sell display advertising on quality magazines available in High Street retail outlets.

There is an opportunity to work on a publication for the Biggest sporting event in Australia this year which requires you to work an evening shift for 3 weeks 11pm – 6am.

We also have number of UK projects 9am – 6pm You will not need to work both shifts!!!!

ARE YOU JOB HUNTING? Visit tntjobs.co.uk for vacant positions in all industries across the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

At tntjobs.co.uk you’ll find out how to land your perfect job, an A-Z list of employers, job alerts, career news and information, visa advice and details of recruiters.

To find out more call: James Manders on 020 7870 9000 42

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JOBS.CO.UK Solving your recruitment problems!

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CASH-SAVING TIPS HEAD TO THE MARKET Xxxxxxxxx Supermarkets do things such as playing your XXXXXXXXX favourite songs to make Xxxxxxxxxxx you part with your hardearned, but avoid their XXXXXXXXX wicked ways by doing Xxxxxxxxxxx your groceries at a market stall instead. They have XXXXXXXXX fewer overheads, which Xxxxxxxxxxx means lower prices and, therefore, more cash XXXXXXXXX leftover in your pocket.

Xxxxxxxxxxx GET A PRE-LOVED LAPTOP People who have their eye on a laptop or iPod should take a look at studentcomputers. co.uk. The online store refurbishes ex-corporate electronic stock and sells it at a fraction of the price of the stuff on shop shelves. They appear shiny and new, too.

Photos: Sony Pictures Television

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HOW YOU SPEND IT! living in London?

Save 10 per cent of your wage, and shop online at places like bookdepository. com for books and presents.

JIMMY GRAHAM, 28 JOB Senior controller for a restaurant chain FROM Brisbane LIVES Putney How do you budget?

Being an accountant, I

should budget a lot better than I do. Nevertheless, I put money aside for savings when I’m paid and the rest is spent on food, booze, rent, travelling and clothes.

Any money-saving tips for

Last big blow-out?

After having my last bike stolen, I opted for a singlespeed Mongoose that makes me look good on the streets and goes like the wind around Richmond Park.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Rugby stuff, clothes, bits and pieces for my bike, and paying for my girlfriend’s social life. Plus, I’m addicted to online shopping.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Chris Tarrant: “There goes another mil”

GET A GOOD CAR DEAL Mitigate the serious dent a hire car can put in your holiday budget by first visiting carrentals.co.uk.

The price-comparison search engine compares the prices of up to 50 companies within seconds and it doesn’t charge you for the trouble, either.

WEIRD JOBS /40 EGYPT /78

Winners are grinners He was exposed as a brute, but Nathan Hageman still got to walk away with £1m after a win on the game show Red Or Black?, joining an illustrious group of winners

❚ Naval lieutenant David Legler amassed £700k in six games of the revived American game show Twenty One which lasted only five months in 2000.

❚ Unemployed Londoner Ian Woodley identified apples as the fruit in the pie in the film American Pie on Chris Evans’ TV show, TFI Friday.

He scooped £1m.

❚ American Ken Jennings, a 30-year-old software engineer, had a six-month long, 74-game winning streak on the show Jeopardy and walked away with a cushy £1.5m in 2004.

❚ British garden designer Judith Keppel identified King Henry II as having been married to Eleanor of Aquitaine to become Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’s first millionaire in 2000.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE .00 £10

Chemistry shot glass set Making science teachers proud urbanoutfitters.co.uk

Arty little village Stoke Newington, N16

00 £8.

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Spot-the-ball mug Add water to find the football joythestore.com

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Kissing coppers wall sticker Banksy up your living room wall bouf.com

44

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You can usually tell how middle class an area has become by whether it has a Whole Foods. Kensington has one, Notting Hill has one, and so does Stoke Newington.

Stokie is a chords-and-sandal-wearing liberal’s paradise, with endless cafes to sit in and chomp a vegan cupcake while reading the Sunday paper. It’s also adored by the pushchair-wielding yummy mummy contingent. And it has its fair share of younger arty types, drawn to the area by cheap rents and edgy bars.

Peter Curtis, from Phillips Estates in Stoke Newington Church Street, says: “It’s quite a creative area and it has been drawing young people in for some time. People in design, fashion, photography, graphic design came in first, because it was cheap, and started the gentrification of the area.”

Curtis says almost everyone looking to rent in Stoke Newington is in their twenties, but there are a few older ones who moved in a few years back and have stuck around.

People flock to the incredibly villagey Stoke Newington Church Street – lined with pubs, florists, boutiques and cafes (The Blue Legume does a mean latte for a mere £1.60; thebluelegume.co.uk).

There are also some top-notch pubs that fill up when Friday comes around. The Three Crowns on the corner of Church Street and Stoke Newington High Street serves good pub grub and a lethal Kamikaze shot. Eclectic underground club, The Drop is below.

There’s also a branch of the Baby

Wholefoods: middle-class market Bathhouse bar (thebathhousevenue.com) holding clubnights, musical bingo and life drawing, or for somewhere a bit more low-key, there’s the Stokey Records Bar (stokeyrecordsbar.co.uk), which hosts film nights and sells pizza and beer for £6.

Food-wise, there are also some brilliant Turkish restaurants (residents have the local Turks to thank for scaring away rioters last month). Clicia, at 97 Stoke Newington Church Street makes beautiful mezze. Oishii

Japanese restaurant has a daily happy hour with 50 per cent off sushi from 5pm-7.30pm.

For Saturday afternoon entertainment, there are boutiques and vintage shops such as Ribbons & Taylor (ribbonsandtaylor.co.uk) and Clissold Park isn’t far away for a picnic or jog. Later on, venture further and you’ll find

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MY AREA TIZIANA

MANDOLEZI

Artist, 28

“I love Stoke Newington because it’s very intense and vibrant. I like going to Baby Bathhouse and a pizerria called Datte Foco on Stoke Newington Church Street.”

ROSS

JOHNSTONE Stylist, 29

Dalston, Shoreditch and Angel nearby for going out.

But when you want to leave, there’s no Underground, so you have to rely mainly on buses. But Laura Marten, from Michael Naik estate agents in Stoke Newington Church Street, says it’s the lack of Tube that gives the area such a villagey feel.

There is an overground, which gets people to the City fast. Flats near the station are cheaper, but Church Street is where people aim to live.

Curtis says: “Any streets directly off Church Street are the most sought after.

And there’s no stigma about a flat above a shop if it’s on Church Street, whereas other areas people wouldn’t want that. On Church Street, it’ll even go at a premium rate.”

It’s desirable factor has pushed up rents, but there are still bargains to be found in ex-council blocks around the edges of the area. If you’re a sucker for cafe culture and the lure of arty NEXT WEEK hangouts, Stoke Newington is Getting the best deals on rent definitely the place for you.

“It’s villagey and it’s got a nice social feel. Everything is independently owned. It’s slightly annoying that there’s no Tube, but I usually cycle, which is easier.”

BUKKY

OGUMJIMI Student, 18

“The area’s cool, no one’s trouble and everyone’s friendly. Every Friday and Saturday the Jolly Butchers pub is the best place to be. It’s always packed, without fail.”

N16 INFO BOROUGH

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Photos: TNT

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A double room in a furnished four-bed house overlooking Clissold Park. With original features, a garden, a large kitchen. and a separate lounge and dining room.

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WORLDVIEW

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Hitching a ride?

PM Julia Gillard

GILLARD BUS GAFFE NEW ZEALAND A bus driver was left red faced after refusing to let Julia Gillard on board – instead telling her to get on a vehicle transporting leaders’ partners.

The Australian prime minister was turned away from the bus which was carrying other officials during the Pacific Island’s forum in Auckland, New Zealand.

The incident happened when foreign officials and their spouses were travelling from Sky City Grand Hotel to the waterfront. Partners travelled separately for security reasons. An apology was issued

by NZ’s International Affairs. However, unsurprisingly, the bus driver wasn’t used again during the forum.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @xychojack How does the Hulk sleep at night? Incredibly.

Hard as: If ever there was a reason to bite your nails, it’s this. Chris ‘The Dutchess’ Walton shows off her talons at the New York Public Library. Walton’s nails measure 10 feet 2 inches (3.1m) on her left hand and 9 feet 7 inches (2.92m) on her right hand and has been growing her nails for 18 years – setting a Guinness World Record. Ewww

@serafinowicz Some species of a have evolved a protective shell, as seen: @ @badbanana Here’s an idea for dentists. Offer half-cleanings for people who want to impress their regular dentists.

QUICK KARMA UNITED STATES A man burnt to death after accidently setting himself alight while attempting to dispose of the body of his exgirlfriend who he had murdered.

Sarone Bridges, 35, of Atlanta, US, strangled Beverly Bland, 34, after they had a blazing argument.

Bridges then placed her body in a sleeping bag that had been soaked in gasoline.

Presumably, the killer had intended to reduce the evidence of his crime to ashes.

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But Bridges’ plan blew up in his face. When the vapours from the gas ignited, it caused a massive explosion. Bridges was burned alive as the Atlanta home became engulfed in flames.

Police confirmed Bland had been strangled before the fire was lit.

“When he threw that match, the vapors of gasoline are what ignited,” Fulton County fire chief Larry Few said. “There was an immediate fireball that blew the windows out.”

AT A SLUG’S PACE UNITED KINGDOM Rush-hour vehicles were brought to a standstill at a busy

junction after a slug crawled into a traffic light and shorted the circuit board. Council engineers were called out and found the dead creature inside the control box in Whinfield Road, Darlington.

Cllr Chris McEwan, who had received complaints from residents about the fault, said: “Somehow the slug managed to infiltrate the control mechanism, sit on the circuit board and then it got fried.

“We don’t know how long the slug had been there. Unfortunately, it was dead by the time we found it, so we were unable to question it.

“Sadly, you just can’t legislate for a rogue slug trying to take out Darlington’s traffic system.”

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World title for big croc

THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS Size, in inches, of the world’s largest pizza, which was made in LA, costs £121 and feeds 100 hungry people

54

Billions of pounds ‘rogue trader’ Ghanaian Kweku Adoboli, 31, is accused of losing investment bank UBS

HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE FOR CASSIUS CLAY

6.30

AUSTRALIA Measuring 18ft in length and weighing in close to a tonne, Cassius Clay has entered the Guinness Book Of Records as the biggest captive croc in the world.

The saltwater reptile is about 100 years old and has lived in Marineland Melanesia on Green Island, Australia, for 24 years after being captured in 1984.

Keeper Toody Scott said he was ‘ecstatic’ about Cassius claiming the record.

He said: “It confirms our belief that we’ve got the biggest croc, and it’s good that he’s got a bit of recognition for it.”

But the record could be short lived after reports earlier this month of a 6.4 metre (21ft) aquatic beast that was trapped in the southern Philippines.

PHONE CALL STALKER

Photos: Getty; TNT

HOLLAND A woman has been charged with stalking after allegedly calling her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in a year.

Police arrested a 42-year-old after the victim, 62, filed a complaint about persistent phone calls.

They seized several mobile phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam.

Hague prosecution spokesman Nicolette Stoel told how the woman argued at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls wasn’t excessive. The man denied they had a relationship. The court ordered her not to contact him again.

Hourly wage, in pounds, of Nicky Cusack who went back to work in Asda in Wiltshire after winning £2.5m on the lottery

Height of plane, in feet, when a 22-year-old passenger attempted to open doors on board flight from Majorca to Newcastle

Eels: slippery little suckers

1.3

36,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

R-EEL STUPID CHINA A Chinese man was rushed to hospital after a small eel swam inside his penis.

Vain Zhang Nan, from Hubei province, central China, was bathing with the slippery creatures after hearing they would make him look younger because they apparently chew off dead skin.

But the 56-year-old got more than he bargained for.

“I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,” Zhang said. “I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and disappeared.”

Zhang underwent a three-hour operation to remove the eel, which measured about 1.2cm wide and 15cm long, and was dead when doctors found it inside his bladder.

I really don’t know what happened.

A now sober Charlie Sheen finally says what we’ve all be thinking after his very public meltdown earlier this year

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALISON GRINTER alison.grinter@tntmagazine.com

Gypsies: it’s all lovey dovey on the TV at least

Our Big Fat Gypsy Hatred

A NEW WINTER OF DISCONTENT?

Photos: TNT

We love watching them on telly. But living next door? Not so much “Great news!” trumpets My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’s Facebook page. The fantastically popular TV show “has been nominated for a BBC Radio 1 Teen Award”. And this only a few weeks after the fly-on-the-wall documentary’s star Paddy Doherty won Celebrity Big Brother. There’s never been a better time to be a Gypsy. Or has there?

Away from the TV hype, the public are far less accepting of Travellers. Even as I write this, 400 people on the Dale Farm site in Essex face imminent eviction. UN adviser Prof Yves Cabannes has weighed into the ‘should they stay or should they go’ debate, arguing that their forced eviction violates international law, and compared their plight to displaced people in Zimbabwe, China and Nigeria. Yes, it’s easy to laugh and dismiss him as a namby-pamby Euro-meddler, but his observation at least drives home the reality that, away from TV land, Gypsies are unwanted at best and vilified at worst.

The Dale Farm case is particularly perturbing. The Travellers actually own the land on which they have been living on for the past ten years. But, because they have no planning permission to erect houses or mobile homes, Basildon Council is determined to send them all packing. What is the point of uprooting a whole community over some red tape? And it’s not like they’ve trashed the site since taking up residence either – it’s a former scrap yard, for Christ’s sake.

With more economic turmoil looming, you’d think that our leaders would be looking for ways to ease these difficult times, not make them worse. I’m not an economics expert but I would have thought making 100 or so families homeless would put more of a burden on our already overstretched resources.

So it would seem that far from fostering understanding for the Traveller community, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding merely provided a means by which people could satisfy their voyeuristic urges. A friend confessed she enjoyed watching the show, “because it makes me realise some people have worse lives than me”. I suspect that’s why a lot of people tuned in; not to get an insight into Travellers’ lives, but to laugh at them. And that says far more about us than it does about the Travellers. » Agree or disagree? Are the Gypsies hard done by? letters@tntmagazine.com

At the risk of being labelled a communist yet again, I’m going to take the wildly unpopular stance of defending the unions. Given the TUC has just announced widespread strikes for Wednesday, November 30 – the biggest mass walkouts since the 1926 General Strike – I’d say I’m inviting pariah status, but here goes anyway ...

Contrary to popular opinion, unions don’t strike for the hell of it. They take this kind of action only when all other avenues of negotiation have been exhausted. And with Dave ‘n’ George ploughing on with their draconian cuts despite employment

“

Unions don’t strike for the hell of it

”

topping 2.5 million (geez, great strategy, guys) the unions, representing ordinary workers, lest we forget, have their backs against the wall. Unison head Dave Prentis put it best when he said: “The campaigns we are fighting aren’t just about pensions, or jobs and pay – they are about the kind of society we leave to our children.”

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Virtual monsters In one of the first cases of its kind, an online ‘troll’ has been jailed. Here, TNT looks at the motivations behind the web’s most controversial posters WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Like their fictional counterparts, the worst type of internet trolls are murky, underworld creatures. They spend their days trawling the web hunting for victims to harass and wreaking havoc, with the aim of provocation. Last week, their shadowy existence was brought into the real world, with the conviction of Sean Duffy. The 25-year-old has been jailed for 18 weeks for ‘trolling’. As well as mocking dead children on memorial sites, Duffy also created and uploaded videos to YouTube, taunting the victims and their families.

One of them was Natasha MacBryde, 15, who committed suicide by throwing herself under a train. The following day, Duffy hijacked her Facebook tribute page, leaving abusive comments including, “Spoiled little bitch” and “I fell asleep on the tracks lolz”. And he created a video called Tasha The Tank Engine, which featured an image of Natasha’s face on a picture of Thomas The Tank Engine.

Duffy also targeted Lauren Drew, 14, who died from an epilepsy attack, posting images on her Facebook memorial page captioned “Lauren’s epifit” and “Lauren’s rotting body”. Targeting the girl’s grieving mother, he impersonated Lauren, writing: “Help me Mummy, it’s hot in hell.”

Duffy, from Reading, an alcoholic who suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, didn’t know any of his victims and hid behind bogus usernames. According to Dr Emma Short, from the University of Bedfordshire and the co-director of the National Centre for Cyberstalking Research, anonymity is key for trolls. “In any environment where you think you’re not seen and if you think you won’t be punished, people behave in a more disinhibited way,” she says.

And when it comes to the characters behind trolling, Short believes there are two types of individuals.

“Some of it is organised and is part of a group who would probably identify themselves as ‘trollers’ and they are doing it with a particular agenda; to create an emotional reaction, to create a flashpoint that makes people feel upset or angry.

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“And then you’ve got the people who are doing it who are not conscious of the impact they’re having.

“On the internet, people tend to behave in ways that are unacceptable to other people, partly because it feels like you won’t be punished for it. So as well as being hidden, what’s the comeback?”

During Duffy’s court hearing, the prosecution told how the victims’ families had been disgusted by his actions, which Short compares to desecrating gravestones in the real world.

She adds: “For the impact of having any negative information or information that is not under your control when you’ve lost a member of your family is entirely unbearable and very similar in terms of the degree of distress caused.”

But there are different types of trolling – the term for which is said to derive from a fishing technique of dragging a baited hook from a moving boat. There are ‘RIP trollers’ or ‘flamers’, such as Duffy, who made outrageous comments on memorial pages “just for LULZ”, or laughs. Other trolls frequent forums, where they post for maximum impact.

Duffy, who was described as living a “miserable existence” during his trial, is at one end of the spectrum – it’s something Short refers to as having an “anti-social personality”, with the motivation of “wanting to be destructive and seeing society as something that should be damaged”.

At the other end, are those who want to make their voices heard, similar, Short says, to those involved in last month’s London riots, those with “less pathological reasons”.

This is something Peter – a former troll living in London – agrees with. Calling RIP ‘flamers’ “vile”, he agreed to speak anonymously to TNT about how he got into trolling after being sent a link to a right-wing website by an Asian friend, who was upset with the racist comments being posted. So, Peter, “decided to have some fun”.

He explains: “The whole point, at least for me, is to

Clockwise: Sean Duffy; Lauren Drew; Natasha MacBryde; an internet site on trolling

pinpoint people who are a bit stupid and offensive, and subtly tease them into looking even more foolish and reacting. Trolling is like fishing for idiots.

“I used to create multiple pseudonyms with ethnic sounding names, and join in the racist banter – eventually someone would notice and the conversation would start being drawn to what the hell was I doing there. This would get them off topic, and the ones who had previously supported me would then start getting very aggressive.

“Job done, thread sidetracked, idiots humiliated. It can get quite addictive – it’s all about feeding off the reaction.”

No, not those trolls...

“

Photos: TNT; Getty

Trolling isn’t flaming, it’s fishing for idiots

”

Short believes, though, what can start out as behaviour with minor results can soon escalate into something darker.

And when it turns into cyberbullying, and hits the anti-social level of Duffy’s posts, consequences can be severe – trolling is an offence under the Malicious Communications Act, which carries a maximum penalty of six months in prison.

Duffy pleaded guilty to two counts of sending malicious communications, relating to MacBryde. Three further offences were taken into consideration.

Social networking sites are cracking down on the behaviour, with Facebook saying it encourages users to report any misuse or abuse. But, Short adds, until the police and associated agencies bring their technology up to the level of that used by trollers, they’ll always be one step behind those willing to post inflammatory – and in some cases criminal – comments online, just for LULZ.

HOW TO SPOT A TROLL RECRUITING ‘FLAMERS’ As the trolling phenomenon continues to sweep the internet, guides – written by trolls for trolls – offering advice on how to cause maximum impact.

Gandalf.home.digital.net/trollfaq.html explains how it recruits and ‘invades’ forums, with the overall aim of regular users abandoning the chosen site: “Anyone can walk into alt.sex and post that pornography should be banned. Anyone can walk into rec.sport.baseball and say ‘baseball sucks’.

“It takes unbelievable skill and discipline to cause a prolonged flame war. That is what we do. But it can only be done with talent, and numbers to match that talent.

“After picking a site, we call for an invasion on that site ... We only bring into the fold people who have the knack to use smarts to incite chaos, not stupidity to incite being ignored when people see a post and know what you’re up to.”

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Ma’a Nonu

NZ THRASH JAPAN RUGBY New Zealand pummelled hapless Japan 83-7 on Friday in a one-sided rout which brought back the horrors of World Cups past for Asia’s top team.

The makeshift All Blacks, with Richie McCaw, Dan Carter and Mils Muliania among those missing injured, scored 13 tries at a rate of one every six minutes to evoke memories of the Bloemfontein massacre of 1995, when they won 145-17 in a World Cup match.

The performance, at a packed but unexcited Waikato Stadium, was by far the heaviest defeat in a World Cup which has so far been notable for the giant strides smaller teams have made to catch up with the established nations.

HARVEY OUT, LYON IN AFL Amid a storm of criticism, new Fremantle coach Ross Lyon claims he didn’t stab Mark Harvey in the back, hasn’t done the dirty on AFL club St Kilda and morally, can hold his head up high over his controversial move to the Dockers.

A day after Harvey was sensationally sacked despite having a year to run on his Dockers contract, Lyon was confirmed as Fremantle’s new coach on Friday, using an escape clause in his St Kilda contract to take up the lucrative new four-year deal.

But Lyon claims he shouldn’t be held responsible for Fremantle’s decision to sack the popular Harvey. “I was headhunted by the Fremantle football club,” Lyon said “A contract was put in front of me, I was courted, I was shown all the resources of the club. I sit here very comfortable with my integrity and my honour.”

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Soo Im of Korea kicks over the net during the men's match between Japan and Korea at ISTAF International Sepaktakraw Super Series at Fashion Island Stadium, Bangkok

BOGUT OFF HOME? BASKETBALL With no end in sight to the ongoing lockout in American basketball, Australian Andrew Bogut, the NBA’s No.1 draft pick in 2005, has been in talks with several NBL clubs, including Sydney, Adelaide and Gold Coast, about returning to play in his home country.

Portland Trailblazers and Boomers guard Patty Mills has already signed to play in the NBL with the Melbourne Tigers until the lockout is resolved.

Bogut, the 213cm Milwaukee Bucks centre, is waiting for a suitable insurance deal to be arranged to adequately cover the $36 million remaining on his NBA contract.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Only two games to go for Melbourne Storm coach Craig Bellamy to regain the NRL premiership. The Storm have been the form team this year, winning the minor premiership, and will now want to make amends for the 2007 and 2009 premierships they were stripped of after the infamous salary cap scandal.

For a club left decimated 18 months ago after recruiting journeymen to replace the big names forced to depart, it has been an astonishing achievement.

The Warriors are their opponents this weekend.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK If I get to wrestle Floody again I’ll certainly look to dominate him. I’ll grab his ears and chuck him out the ring English rugby halfback Ben Youngs on returning from an injury sustained while wrestling with teammate Toby Flood

Dan Carter will be crucial for NZ

PREVIEW Tricolours provide NZ’s first major hurdle NZ V FRANCE SATURDAY 9.30AM, ITV1 Revenge is a dish best served cold, but the atmosphere at Eden Park will be white-hot when the All Blacks meet their World Cup nemesis France in front of 60,000 screaming fans.

The French were responsible for NZ’s worst World Cup performance when they knocked the All Blacks out 20-18 in the quarter-finals four years ago, and the NZ public will accept nothing less than a win from their team.

Coach Graham Henry will welcome

back Richie McCaw and Dan Carter, who return after injury, and will look to field his top XV – still an unknown combination after four years of tinkering.

The Kiwis may be the favourites but don’t write off the mecurial French. They always lift their game against New Zealand.

Indeed, for Les Bleus, it seems like any game against the All Blacks is a World Cup final, such is the passion they display.

A NZ loss against the men from Europe will throw the predicted knock-out stage draw into disarray; a convincing win will boost Kiwi confidence even further.

THE CHAT | Fernando Torres in trouble

I never really go for that whole passion line. I mean, terrorists are passionate about what they do … that doesn’t make it right NRL chief David Gallop uses an unfortunate analogy when talking about Melbourne Storm fans booing him

What he has done this year will be impossible to repeat US Open runner-up Rafael Nadal praising Novak Djokovic after the Serb secured his third grand slam title of the year

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

T20 CRICKET it fair that he’s not allowed to express an Q Isopinion in the press?

Torres blaming his lack of goal scoring on his teammates A – he told the La Liga website Chelsea’s midfield was too old, too slow – was unfortunate. But the bigger question is, why are Chelsea overreacting to a simple little criticism? The club has launched an investigation and is hoping to get hold of the tapes so they can verify exactly what Torres said. But, really, this is an organisation made up of adults and it’s not like the player beat someone up. He expressed his frustration about a situation he’s taken a lot of flack for. Maybe he was out of line, but Chelsea’s stance might suggest problems at the club run deeper than Torres’s inability to score.

IPL Champions League Kolkata Knightriders v Auckland Aces Monday 3.20pm, British Eurosport 2

FOOTBALL Carling Cup Leeds United v Manchester United Tuesday, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 2

RUGBY World Cup Australia v US Friday, 9.30am, ITV1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

Go the minnows: Canada’s Adam Kleeberger leaps high

Minnows catching up to the big fish in the pond

The IRB must now manage the futures of rugby’s smaller teams

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Serena Williams got off lightly after her tirade at the umpire in her US open final loss to Australia’s Sammy Stosur.

The American let loose, calling the umpire “a hater” and “unattractive inside” and warning her “don’t even look at me, don’t look my way”.

She was fined $2000 (£1260), but when you consider that the runner-up’s purse for the competition was $800,000 (£500,000), it’s small change. Such a meagre amount is probably due to Williams, who has form – “If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat,“ she told a line umpire in 2009 – being

“

There’s now a new golden girl in town

”

such a massive drawcard – and role model, apparently – that TV ratings were up 121 per cent on last year’s final.

But her outbursts show that all that clout and cash can’t buy her the class of Stosur, Australia’s latest Grand Slam champ.

Move over Serena, there’s a new golden girl in town. And she knows how to act.

Photos:Getty

What a delight it’s been to see the so-called minnows of world rugby, the secondtier nations, performing well at the Rugby World Cup. Even four years ago it would have been inconceivable to think about the Japanese pushing the French; Romania seriously challenging the Scottish; and Canada claiming the scalp of Tonga. Such performances – and there’ll be more to come, I’m sure – have really set rugby on the path to being the global game it envisages itself as.

The key now is for the International Rugby Board to capitalise on this success by allowing second-tier nations to regularly taste top-class fixtures in the form of Tests against the first tier. The IRB has been reluctant to do this so far – probably due to monetary concerns; a ticket to see England play the All Blacks could be worth as much as four times that of seeing England play Samoa. If you were a businessman, which one would you sell?

But how about forming two tiers of competitions – similar to the Premier League and the Championship in football – where the winner of the second-tier competition gets the right to more matches against the big boys. That way the sporting public will know that the challenging team, although maybe not yet in the same league as the top-flight teams, definitely has earned the right to be there and will provide a competitive game.

And while the IRB is at it, it should now seriously consider some form of dispensation to allow players who may have represented a bigger nation to play for a smaller nation, after a stand-down period. Currently, once a player has represented one international team, that’s it. But with the modern Test schedule being so demanding, it’s more likely some players will be used as injury cover for a couple of games here and there and never make that country’s A-grade side again. Surely a one-or-two-test All Black or Australian with ties to Samoa, Tonga or Fiji, could play for an island nation after, say, a 24-month gap. Then, perhaps, one day in the not too distant future, we’ll see a World Cup with all 20 teams having a chance of winning. » Agree or disagree? Should the IRB focus more on the minnows? letters@tntmagazine.com

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Just smash it As the world’s best Twenty20 teams arrive for the Champions League in India, Ian Harvey reveals who he thinks will be taking home the trophy WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

Twenty20, boosted by the big-money Indian Premier League, has attracted a whole new audience to cricket. Casual fans of the game – who wouldn’t usually be drawn to watch a whole day’s play – can tune in to see big hits, big characters and big results in just hours. Among purists, the abridged version marks the first nail in the coffin for Test cricket, but when a format offers so much excitement and drama, there’s no way the powerbrokers will scrap it.

Next week, the latest T20 competition, the third edition of the Champions League kicks off in India, featuring 10 domestic teams from most of the world’s top cricketing nations. It’s a veritable feast of first-class, entertaining matches, featuring some of the best cricketing talent.

The Australian and New Zealand teams look strong. The Auckland Aces feature current NZ internationals Martin Guptill, Chris Martin and Kyle Mills and former Black Caps Daryl Tuffey, Lou Vincent and Gareth Hopkins. And the Aussie’s NSW Blues also have plenty of international experience in the form of Stuart Clark, Nathan Hauritz, Simon Katich and Shane Watson.

But former Australian cricketer Ian Harvey, who was part of Chennai Super Kings’ 2007 winning IPL side and is now on the EuroSport commentary team, says he wouldn’t bet against one of the home teams taking the trophy. Take, for instance, this year’s Chennai team. Led by Mahendra Singh Doni and featuring Michael Hussey, Scot Styris and Tim Southee, they look tough to beat.

“Most of the other sides, yes, they’ve got a couple of international players, but you look at how strong that Chennai Super Kings team is, along with the Mumbai Indians as well, they’ve got some very solid international players,” Harvey says.

“For me, it’s hard to go past the four Indian teams. It’s going be tough for anyone coming up and really competing with them.”

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Playing at such a top level of cricket against a high calibre of players can be exhausting, and Harvey believes it’s the teams with experience that will be there at the end. Big game temperament goes a long way – even in T20.

“The English teams will go alright because of the fact they play so much cricket over here. I don’t think that will bother them [India],” he says. “But the Australian teams, yes, they’re strong, but a few of their players won’t be used to the intensity and the amount of cricket being played over a short period of time if they keep winning and going through.”

T20 in India, where big dollars are on offer and fans are as fanatical as they come, is in the same league as one-day international cricket, in terms of the level of output required.

“Everyone thinks ‘it’s not long, it’s just T20 cricket’ but sometimes you feel a lot more knackered coming off after a T20 game because everything is happening so quickly and you’ve got to stay focused,” he says.

“The intensity is always definitely up there and you are always on the ball. The Champions League can be a very long three weeks, especially if you get through to the final.”

This year’s Mumbai side, with Sachin Tendulkar – who may not be part of the setup due to a toe injury – Kieran Pollard and Rohit Sharma, is particularly notable for the inclusion of cricket’s more colourful figures, including Harbajan Singh – a player who manages to get under the skin of many opponents.

But, according to Harvey, onfield arguments are less likely to crop up in 2011. “With all the leading players playing IPL, and seeing more of each other, stuff between teams has died down, compared to what it was. I don’t think we’ll see any bad incidents or as much tension as we’ve seen in the past,” he says.

“Harbajan’s definitely one to watch, though. He didn’t bowl as well as he could when he was in England with India, and with the bat, he’s got hundreds in Test cricket.

Clockwise: Brett Lee; Ian Harvey Harbajan Singh, Chris Gayle

He’s definitely an exciting player to watch.” And, as for the continuing argument that T2O is eroding the longer forms of the game, Test cricket especially, Harvey says he can appreciate both sides of the story.

“I think everyone wants Test cricket, being a bit older, to remain number one and then have the one-day internationals and T20 come next in order of importance,” he adds.

“Hopefully the organisers don’t get too greedy, because this year some of the crowds at the games haven’t been what they were in the past. I think perhaps that needs to be reviewed. Hopefully, though, despite all the money, the players will still regard Test cricket and playing for their

“

The intensity is always high in T20

VIEW FROM THE FIELD EYE-CAM TAKES YOU CLOSER

”

country as number one.” However, Harvey believes T20 does have a rightful place and has brought a more entertaining element to all forms of the game; that the crossover of skillsets has given cricket some much-needed colour.

“There’s no doubt it has helped the longer version of the game. Look at some of the fielding, the batting, the bowling, some of the shots we’re seeing are amazing. It’s definitely changed things in that regard,” Harvey says.

“It’s exciting seeing the game being taken forward. This tournament is going to be one out of the box. It’s going to be great to watch.”

Photos: Getty

Eye-cam will provide a different perspective

British Eurosport will broadcast live coverage of the 2011 Champions League Twenty20 from September 19 - October 9

The arrival of the IPL, and its accompanying technological advances, brought the voice of the on-field player into the living room. Wired in with a microphone, Sachin Tendulkar could describe exactly what a bouncer felt like from under his helmet.

This year, the Champions League T20 will show viewers what it feels like to be out on the field, thanks to the eye-cam some players will wear. Just like the spidercamera and UltraSlowMo replays, which were used during 2010’s IPL, the eye-cam is an attempt to increase viewing numbers. However, the spider-camera came in for criticism with players such as Tendulkar and Yuvraj Singh claiming the roving lens was distracting out in the middle.

IPL organisers have stressed the eye-cam won’t disturb a player’s vision as the camera will be placed in between the frames and near the temple region. The images will only be broadcast during the innings break.

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INSIDE

SURF THE BORE /64

BUDGET BRUGES /72

BACK TO EGYPT /78

The Severn Bore has a legendary reputation among surfers. Now is the best time to discover what all the fuss is about.

We can’t promise you Colin Farrell, but we can offer some wallet-friendly tips to help you get bang for your buck while in Bruges.

Egypt is a country in the grip of change but its appeal to tourists remains as timeless as its most famous attractions.

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TRAVELDIARY

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Janine Kelso NOTE FROM TRAVEL EDITOR

SNEAKY DOES IT FOR RYANAIR No-frills airline Ryanair has stooped to a new low this week by launching its own prepay card. Passengers who pay for flights with another card will incur an admin fee of £6 each way.

The audacious move comes as the Office of Fair Trading launches an investigation into a raft of airlines adding surcharges to customers using debit and credit cards. The watchdog wants to see a ban on these extra fees.

But Ryanair denies its prepay card is like sticking two fingers up at the watchdog, arguing that the initiative has been in the pipeline for a while.

Love them or hate them, if you’re a traveller on a budget who wants to visit off-the-beaten-track destinations, Ryanair is normally the best choice. The airline is frequently the only carrier on less popular routes and it’s often the cheapest option for the sought-after routes, in spite of the charges. So, as long as this remains the case, accepting their sneaky ways of making extra money out of us is a necessary evil.

tntmagazine.com

Happy travels!

ROADKILL COOK-OFF Marlinton, US Contestants at this legendary festival in West Virginia are challenged to create gourmet dishes from ingredients scraped off the roadside.

24 Past entries have included squirrel gravy over biscuits, teriyakimarinated bear and deer sausage. Chefs also get inventive when naming their dishes – think ‘Tyre Tread Tortillas’.

SEPT

WHERE: The county seat of Pocahontas County, Marlinton, is small-town America surrounded by mountains.

WHY: To eat roadkill, of course! Oh, and to enjoy the yellow leaves before winter sets in – it doubles as the Autumn Harvest Festival.

An exercise in bringing the community

GALWAY OYSTER FESTIVAL

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gomarlinton.com

ATLANTIC ANTIC Brooklyn, New York

City of Galway, Ireland

The 37th annual festival on Brooklyn’s Atlantic Avenue, 2 this is the largest street party in New York City. Celebrating the variety of cultures that converge in the borough, expect the best in cuttingedge food, clothes and live music.

OCT

Slurp down some slippery little suckers at this 23-25 seafoodie festival. Events include the National Oyster Opening Championship and the Irish Coffee Olympics. We likey.

SEPT

galwayoysterfest.com

IBIZA CLOSING PARTIES Ibiza, Spain

The last fortnight in September into the first 19 week of October is closing party time in Ibiza, a final bevy of benders before the clubs shut for winter. Keep an eye online for dates.

SEPT

loveibiza.net

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together, the festival also celebrates smalltown pursuits such as wood chopping and horseshoe pitching.

DO IT BECAUSE: You really want to know what a squished squirrel tastes like.

HOW MUCH: Devour the recipes for free.

atlanticave.org

HERMANUS WHALE FESTIVAL Hermanus, South Africa

The “enviro-arts” festival enjoys a spectacular setting: 30 Hermanus is widely considered the world’s best land-based spot for whale watching. Music, food and markets also feature.

SEPT

whalefestival.co.za

Photos: Thinkstock

On another note, I’m going to say au revoir to you lovely people for six months while I go off on maternity leave, leaving you in the very capable hands of acting travel editor Laura Chubb.

I’d like to sign off with a joke about Ryanair’s top dog.

Michael O’Leary goes into a bar.

“I’d like a pint of Guinness,” he says to the barman.

“That’ll be 50p”, says the barman.

“Gosh that’s cheap” says Michael.

“I’ll come here again.”

“You’ll be wanting a glass” said the barman. “We rent them for £5.”

If you have any travel-related news or views, email laura.chubb@

Why bother with the butchers?

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IN-FLIGHT FOOTIE Ever suffered the injustice of missing a major footie match while you fly off on holiday? Seems you’ll soon be able to have your cake and eat it, as developments in in-flight WiFi are set to bring live-streaming to the skies. This means that passengers can watch live sporting events en route to their getaway, and promises fewer tears over clashes between sports finals – such as the FA Cup – and flights. While American airline Delta is already planning to introduce WiFi to all of its regional jets, Lufthansa has announced its long-haul fleet will boast broadband by the end of the year. Virgin Atlantic also said that it is looking into providing internet access.

Photos: Getty

FREE TRAVEL TALK Lonely Planet travel expert Tom Hall will be holding a free two-hour Q&A session on “all things travel” in Clapham this week. Together with writing a regular ‘Ask Tom’ column for the Guardian, Hall is also the author of Lonely Planet’s Best Ever Travel Tips, and is Radio 1’s resident travel guru on its Sunday Surgery phone-in. So if you’re after the best in insider info, this is the place to be. Hall will be appearing at the STA Travel store in St John’s Street, Clapham, on September 22 from 7pm.

TRUST IN TRIPADVISOR TripAdvisor has removed the slogan “reviews you can trust” from its website after the Advertising Standards Agency launced an investigation into fake posts. TripAdvisor’s slogan now reads “reviews from our community”.

Thousands of hoteliers have complained they are unfairly represented on the site, and online reputation management company KwikChex has claimed up to 10 million TripAdvisor reviews could be fake. TripAdvisor denies the slogan has been changed in response to the investigation.

GROIN GRAB CASE A 25-year-old passenger drank almost a pint of whisky before groping a Virgin Airways steward and demanding sex, it has been alleged.

Katherine Goldberg was flying from South Africa to Heathrow when she drunkenly grabbed at the steward’s penis, Uxbridge Magistrates’ Court heard. Goldberg, of Ealing Common, west London, is charged with one count of sexual assault and another of being drunk in an aircraft.

She was granted unconditional bail and will appear at the same court on Wednesday.

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Surf’s up: all aboard the Bore

River Severn, Gloucester ENGLAND

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP WALES ENGLAND Gloucester

River Severn LONDON

GETTING THERE If you’re driving, exit the M5 at Junction 11, then go on to the A40, signposted Gloucester/ Cirencester. Take the A48 to Minsterworth and the river is on the left. The nearest train station is Tewkesbury (2h41m from London).

Return train fares from £48

There’s nowt like an early morning dip

Grab a Bore breakfast of bacon rolls and coffee at Severn Bank Farm, with all proceeds going to the Severn Area Rescue Association and other Rotary charities (Elmore Back, Gloucester, GL2 3ST; 01452 883450).

The Ship Inn is a contemporary establishment serving energy replenishing locallysourced food in Newnham-onSevern (theshipatnewnham.com).

The Severn Bore Inn is a popular meeting point.

Surfers can be found here getting togged, rather than tanked, up in the mornings, then returning for a leisurely ale and swapping surf stories in the late of the day (Main Street, Minsterworth, GL2 8JX).

The CAMRA-awarded Railway Inn in Newnhamon-Severn has more than 60 ciders on tap (Station Road, GL14 1DA).

Grove Farm B&B offers bracing views over the glorious Severn Vale towards the Cotswolds, from £35pppn including breakfast (grovefarm-uk.com).

The taste of Gloucester 64

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Tythe House B&B, in Frampton-on-Severn, is good for several Bore jumpingoff points and serves a special early breakfast to get arms and adrenaline pumping. Doubles from £75 (tythehousebandb.co.uk).

UKTRIP

Magnificent Severn The Severn Bore has a legendary reputation among surfers. Discover what all the fuss is about

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

WORDS JAMES BRIGGS

“It’s Double Gloucester time!” my surf coach Spence yells excitedly. But he’s not talking about cheese. It turns out that we are the crackers about to get creamed by a colossal wall of white water; a rapidly approaching tidal wave surging inland up the otherwise tranquil River Severn.

The Severn Bore is one of Britain’s spectacular natural phenomena and we are getting a taste of its incredible power near the Gloucestershire village of Newnham-onSevern. The river’s unique funnel shape allows a wall of water to sweep up its estuary, along the West Country peninsula and down the Welsh coastline. Put surreally, imagine a tube of toothpaste being jumped on by an elephant. The massive pressure exerted upon the tube squeezes out the toothpaste at high velocity, resulting in an explosion of white minty liquid across your hands, toothbrush and quite possibly up your nostrils. Minus the minty elephants, surfing the Severn Bore is much the same, except the liquid is mud brown, icy cold and relentlessly tries to displace you from eight feet of fibreglass.

The legendary tidal bore has attracted surfers from all over the world since 1955 when eccentric Commando officer Colonel Jack Churchill rode the wave for the first time on a home-made 16ft board. His ride was – not so quickly – followed up in 1962 when a bunch of visiting Aussie lifeguards surfed the bore for a mile. In the past few decades, surfers have flocked to the legendary river to catch this challenging wave.

Although bore tides take place twice-daily year-round, the larger, rideable waves occur in spring and autumn when the tide is at its highest – occasionally reaching up to two metres – especially around the full moon.

For those with skill, the wave can be surfed all the way to Gloucester – past houses, trees and rolling pastures, giving England’s mid-west infamy alongside other Bore destinations such as the rivers Seine in France, the Amazon in Brazil and the Hooghly in India. The current record for the longest ride was achieved in 1996 by local legend Dave Lawson who covered 5.7 miles in 35 minutes. For those lacking surfing talent, and a tidal wave imminently upon them, you quickly need to develop a penchant for paddling if you’re not to get dumped and then giggled at by the gaggles of geese on the river. Not that I’m speaking from experience.

Spence continues to bellow constructive encouragement, screaming: “Paddle, bloody paddle”, as the swell ghosts under my board and lifts me on to the wave. In between mouthfuls of river water, I am conscious we are being watched. Not just by curious locals who are enjoying the view from the riverbank, but by a herd of suspicious cows.

Spence pops up for a better view of our bovine buddies and the bucolic green of Gloucestershire, as the wave paints elegant strokes along the river bank, licking at the cows’ hooves. I foolishly attempt the same – standing up, not licking the cows’ hooves – and for the merest hint of

“

Elegant strokes are painted along the bank

”

a moment, the river’s majesty and England’s lush pastures converge in perfect harmony.

So joyous is it, I try yelling “Severn up”, but the words are, probably for the best, washed from my mouth by the muddy brown water that now fills it. Falling from my river heaven, I crash face first into the Severn. Surfacing from the icy depths, I dredge my befuddled senses to see Spence cruising onwards, still standing, still being eyed suspiciously by cows.

Although cold and sporting river reeds as headwear, my mouth is so dry I feel like I’ve eaten the sun.

Clambering up the muddy banks for an ale, I ask Spence: “What was all that cheesy babble about Double Gloucester?” “The bore forms on consecutive days,” he replies. “No cheese then, but still pretty emmental!” I say.

NEXT WEEK Spence looks at me as if I am some Dairylea short of a dunker as Soak up Jane Eyre fever in Bronte tomorrow’s tide draws tantalisingly country close again.

James Briggs surfed the Severn Bore with Falmouth and Porthtowan Surf School. Courses from £25pp. The next surfable wave is due on Sept 28. 01326 212144 falmouthsurfschool.co.uk, riversevernbore.co.uk

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LATEDEALS

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Discover laidback Laos for just £450 with Gap Adventures

DEAL OF THE WEEK PRAGUE

£159

Three nights in Prague is £159 with TravelBag (0871 7034240; travelbag. co.uk). Includes four-star B&B accommodation and flights. The deal is available throughout September and October.

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LAOS AND THAILAND A 12-day tour around Laos and Thailand is £450 (save £149) with Gap Adventures (0844 2722040; gapadventures.com). Includes local transport, a visit to Hanoi Old Quarter, a boat ride up the Mekong, Vang Vieng Limestone Karsts, a visit to the Luang Prabang Unesco Town, 10 nights’ accommodation in hotels, a night on a sleeper train, some meals and a guide throughout. Departs October 2.

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> £500 EGYPT Seven nights in Egypt is £618 with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes allinclusive, four-star accommodation in Sharm el Sheikh. Departs September 22.

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EUROPE A 16-day European Encounter tour is £1,335 (save £334) with Contiki (0845 0750990; contiki.com). Includes Belgium, Netherlands, Germany, Liechtenstein, Austria, Italy, Vatican City, France and Monaco. Departs October 7.

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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BUDAPEST A three-night stay in Hungary’s stunning capital Budapest is £249 with TravelBag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

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PORTUGAL Seven nights in the Algarve, Portugal, is £170 with easyJet holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes accommodation in self-catering apartments. Departs October 10.

AMSTERDAM AND BRUGES A two-night tour of Amsterdam and Bruges is £199 with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours. co.uk). Includes B&B accommodation, luxury coach travel, ferries, guided sightseeing tour of Amsterdam, trip to a cheese and clog factory in Volendam, and half a day in Bruges. Departs September 23.

PARIS Two nights in Paris is £229 with Anderson Tours (020 74369304; andersontours.co.uk).

Includes return Eurostar travel and transfers, a guided sightseeing tour of Paris, and two nights B&B accommodation. Departs September 23.

PORTUGAL A seven-night stay in a villa on the Algarve is £155 with Cosmos (0844 5734261; cosmos. co.uk). Based on nine people sharing a four-bedroom, two-bathroom villa.

Includes flights. Departs on October 8.

£250 – £500

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LAILA PACHECO

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

BATTLING THE WEATHER Sophie Curtis-Ham, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS A dreary scene with a washed-out look – you almost feel wet and cold just looking at it. The different sizes and shapes have given it a beautiful, cluttered aspect and while it’s busy, it’s not overwhelming. Depth to an image is key to any photograph. Include as many of the elements at as many different distances from the camera for variety.

RUNNER-UP FADED GLAMOUR Josephine Pugh, London,

WHY IT WORKS In this punchy black-and-white image, the blacks are rich and well contracted. An image like this is timeless – it could be from the Fifties, taken in a small town in the States, or shot at a seaside resort in England only yesterday. Detail has been lost on the door of the helter skelter, but I think it adds to the photo’s film noir feel.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER A THREE DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

HOT TIPS: Rain The weather affects every shot, no matter what it is. Planning ahead sometimes is not always an option and, with the weather in the UK being as it is, it’s hard to plan for every scenario.

Rain is the most inconvenient. “An umbrella, just use one of those,” I hear you shout.

But holding one and then, with the other hand, trying to focus, zoom and press the

shutter can become an impossible task.

Finding shelter is a much more sensible approach. The key is to look at your surroundings and utilise whatever you can.

An underwater cover could also be a good investment, but the best tip of all is to get a friend to hold the brolly over you and the camera, while they get wet. Tell them: “It’s for the sake of the art.”

WIN

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

1

WEIRD MUSEUMS

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MUSEUM OF BAD ART

Pity the poor “artists” whose masterpieces made it into this museum which dedicates itself to “art too bad to be ignored”. Although art is supposed to be subjective, there’s no denying that the work on display here is absolute tripe.

Don’t expect paint-by-numbers or kitschy motifs of dogs playing cards.

Although you would never see these works of art in a commercial gallery, they all have a certain, erm, quality that draws you to them.

Ogle at landscapes and wonder if the painting on display is an ice-cream or a mountain, then suspend your disbelief at the absurdity of the picture of a giant orange cat consuming mankind, or the one of the lady stroking the severed head of a horse, as the artist appears to have forgotten to have painted the poor animal’s hindquarters.

The most laugh-out-loud paintings can be found amongst the nudes. Erotic and sexy these are not. Here you’ll find a naked woman that is more out-ofproportion than a Barbie doll, with impossibly huge boobs, over-long arms 68 00

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and a titchy bum. But the piece de resistance has to be the brilliantly-titled Woman Riding Crustacean, showing what appears to be a blow-up doll sitting astride a giant lobster.

Sited in Dedham, Massachusetts, US, this hilarious celebration of bad art began its life in the basement of a private home. But as the collection quickly grew, it moved its artwork to three different locations: the basement of the Dedham Community Theatre, where the gallery is conveniently situated just outside the men’s loo, appropriately lit by an unforgiving fluorescent light; the Somerville Gallery at the eponymous theatre; and in the offices of Brookline Access Television.

There are 400 pieces in the permanent collection and you’ll find 20 to 40 exhibited at each location.

If you can’t make it to Massachusetts to appreciate these marvellous pieces of art, you can view and chortle at them online.

The damage: Admission is free. museumofbadart.org/

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2

DOG COLLAR MUSEUM

From canine couture for modernday pooches to fearsome-looking cuffs from the hunting hounds of yesteryear, this 100-strong collection of “historic and fascinating dog collars” spans five centuries.

It might be hard to believe but this barking-mad museum, situated in Leeds Castle in Kent, is the only one of its kind in the UK – and perhaps the world.

The damage: £18.50 for castle entry. leeds-castle.com

Photos: Leeds Castle, Museum of Funeral Carriages, TNT

4

BRITISH LAWNMOWER MUSEUM

This showcase of vintage lawnmowers in Southport, Merseyside, follows the oddly inspirational story of how one man’s mission to make gardening easier revolutionised the agricultural world in 1830.

Visitors can goggle at the world’s fastest lawnmowers, the first-ever Flymo, the first solar-powered robot mower and the planet’s priciest mowers. Fascinating stuff. Always popular with dads.

The damage: £2. lawnmowerworld.co.uk

3

MUSEUM OF FUNERAL CARRIAGES

Top views

Macabre it might be, but this Barcelonabased museum is a hit with visitors who want to see the dark side of the Spanish city by ogling funeral carriages and hearses that date back to the 18th century.

What makes this dank, underground museum particularly creepy is the ghostly-looking dummies sitting at the helms of the ornate horse-drawn carriages.

The damage: Entry is free.

Carrer Sancho de Avila 2; 00 34 93 484 17 00

5

SEX MUSEUM

Sited in Amsterdam – where else? – the world’s oldest sex museum boasts an extensive collection of erotic paintings, objects, photographs and recordings. It also includes a history of sex through the ages.

Learn about how Cleopatra shared her bed with a whole regiment of men and how the ancient Greeks weren’t fussy if they did it with men or women.

Then discover how the church spoiled all the fun for everyone in the Middle Ages.

The damage: £3. sexmuseumamsterdam.nl

AMERICA DEL SUR HOSTEL OVERVIEW Argentina has a glut of great-looking hostels and El Calafate’s America del Sur is one of the best. A seven-minute walk from the town centre, this Swiss-style hostel is situated on the crest of a hill, its huge windows affording widescreen-style panoramics over the lake and mountains. Friendly staff can help you book tours to local must-sees, such as the Parito Moreno Glacier.

WOW FACTOR Gorgeous views aside, there’s a spacious hang-out area in the loft with comfy sofas galore and a chilled-out vibe, thanks to the reggae playing on the sound system. There’s also a nightly BBQ. ROOMS Dorms have no more than four beds with private bathrooms. Singles and doubles are available too.

All rooms have super-cosy underfloor heating to keep your feet toasty on those chilly winter nights.

BILL PLEASE A bed in a dorm costs from £9.80pppn, while a private room costs from £11.30pppn.

Puerto Deseado No 153, El Calafate, Patagonia, Argentina americahostel.com.ar

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TRAVELTIPS

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Stop off at historic Melaka on your way from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore

READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

am planning to stop over in Kuala Q ILumpur on my way back home to Australia. I would like to spend a few days in KL, then travel down to Singapore and fly out of there. What would be the best way to get from KL to Singapore, and what are the sights to see along the way?

Zoe, via email can do this journey a couple of ways A You – it largely depends on how much time you

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Benelux pass does exist. It covers A Aunlimited train travel throughout Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg for three, four, six and eight days’ travel within a month, priced from £102 for three days to £208 for eight.

Be warned that travelling on the high-speed Amsterdam-Brussels service with a pass incurs a fee and requires a reservation, but the intercity service is fine. If you opt for this pass, you will still need to book the Eurostar portions of the journey separately.

You can purchase a complete ticket for London-Bruges-Amsterdam-London from Railbookers (railbookers.com), including trains, hotels and breakfast, but it will set you back at least £1,114 per person based on two sharing.

My advice would be to opt for two single tickets with Eurostar – London to Bruges and Amsterdam to London – and then book the Bruges to Amsterdam leg separately. Rail Europe (0844 8485848) does all of this for you in one transaction. Book your tickets as soon as possible; costs will increase at lightning speed.

DODGE DELHI BELLY TIP Surprisingly, when OF THE travelling India, it is the WEEK restaurants serving up Western fare that can be the worst culprits for giving you food poisoning. To avoid Delhi belly, be brave, eat at the canteens with the locals, and head for whichever ones look most packed. You’ll delight the waiters and patrons, have a culinary adventure, and likely save yourself a lot of time on the toilet. Think of it this way: the more turnover a restaurant has, the fresher the food is, as it hasn’t spent days waiting around to get served up. Restaurants in India specialising in schnitzel aren’t going to have a lot of turnover.

Mia, via email HOW TO PERFECT BEACH-BUMMING When beach-hopping in Thailand, keep your schedule flexible. Monsoons can ruin your beach time, or mar an otherwise perfect itinerary. Luckily, when rain soaks one coast, the other is usually clear. Check weather forecasts often, and if the west is raining, head east, and vice versa.

Sophi, via email

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This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

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have. When I did this route, I chose to take the train, which was great and only takes six to eight hours – depending on which service you choose.

The train runs three times a day and ticket prices range from £7 to £37, depending on which class you opt for.

If you decide to take a more leisurely route to Singapore, I would recommend going via the port city of Melaka.

Melaka is historically significant as it was once one of the greatest trading ports in South East Asia, and its heritage lives on through the architecture and stunning cuisine. You can take a bus from Kuala Lumpur to Melaka and then on to Singapore.

As for sights, the stunning Pulau Tioman (Tioman Island) is approximately 50 kilometres off the east coast of Peninsular Malaysia and takes two to three hours by boat from the coastal town of Mersing. If you’re going to put in the effort to go off-track, Tioman is a great choice as you can chill out on some of the world’s most beautiful beaches.

group of us are thinking about Q Atravelling from London to Bruges on Boxing Day, heading onto Amsterdam in time for New Year’s, and then back to London. I’ve had a look on the Eurostar website and it looks like you have to book each leg of the trip separately, which seems like a pain in the ass. Is there a way to book a rail journey with multiple stops?

Ben, via email

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Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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PRAGUE CASTLE Pip McKee, Blenheim, New Zealand

BEST / WORST TRIP EMMA RIGBY, 33

JUDITH KAY, 23

London, UK

Bournemouth, UK

BEST I went to see the spot where Che Guevara was executed in the Bolivian wilderness. I took an ancient, packed mini-bus with cellophane for windows along a rutted mountain route, followed by a vom-inducing ‘taxi’ for five hours. An enthusiastic toothless local greeted me and showed me the spot. I felt like a true adventurer.

WORST I was 23 and up for good times, so I went to the travel agent and demanded the cheapest deal in the sun leaving that week. Without my knowing, the agent booked me on a golfing trip for OAPs in Portugal. » Tell us your best/worst trips Email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Most memorable travel experience?

I spent a week on a boat travelling down the Amazon with a few friends. I’d seen photos but was still gobsmacked by it all.

Scariest travel experience?

Getting off a bus in the wrong place late at night. Trying to get by without speaking the language is tough when you really need it!

Best gig you’ve been to?

A band called Nassau Chainsaw in Sao Paulo.

They are quite famous in Brazil but I’d never heard of them. They were really good!

SPLASHING OUT

Photos: TNT; Thinkstock

THE TRAVELLER

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE Stay on a private game reserve in South Africa and enjoy a five-star view of local wildlife including leopards, zebras, giraffes and baboons.

A six-night stay at Pakamisa is £1,119pp (two sharing) through Ranch Rider (01509 618811; ranchrider.com). Excludes flights and transfers.

THE INSIDER

ALBERT VAN DER WESTHUIZEN, General Manager Plaza on the River, London

My first ever big trip was on a super yacht to Alaska in the middle of whale season.

My most challenging travel experience was having to fly between New York and Los Angeles two days after September 11, 2001.

My favourite place in the world is a window seat on a flight into Cape Town and being greeted by Table Mountain. A magical moment each time.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Berlin, Germany for a long-awaited reunion.

My guilty travel pleasure is business class with a good book and a glass of bubbly.

I always pack my iPod with my £5 portable speakers that I bought in Bangkok.

My top travel tip is “life is a journey never a destination.”

I have a tattoo to prove this!

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Historic: the Belfry in the Market Square

Bruges BELGIUM

Bruges BRUSSELS

BELGIUM

GETTING THERE Eurolines (eurolines. co.uk) runs a coach to Bruges from London Victoria from £38 return (6.5h). Eurostar (eurostar. com) goes from King’s Cross St Pancras to Brussels (2h) then take a free onward train to Bruges (1h). From £69 return.

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Dali Expo; chocolate, beer (above) and canals (left)

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Budget Bruges We can’t promise you Colin Farrell, but we can offer some walletfriendly tips to help you get bang for your buck while in Belgium WORDS ZOE HARRIS

Picturing my upcoming weekend in medieval Bruges, I imagine sipping Belgian beer in cosy bars and strolling along scenic cobble-stoned streets where time appears to have stood still. Unfortunately, I soon discover that inflation is not stuck in this time warp and that the Flemish capital caters to the mass market with extortionate cruise ship prices. I refuse to splash out £26 on some tough steak and a pile of chips and I don’t think a bowl of garlicky sea molluscs is worth the £17 price tag, so I vow to make the most of my hard-earned cash by enjoying Bruges and its culinary delights without spending a fortune.

The hotel receptionist suggests I head to SintAmandsstraat Street where the locals go to grab a bite to eat. Here, I discover several delis serving up hearty portions of pasta and paninis for a mere £2.60 apiece. The Carrefour Express on Zuidzandstraat stocks enough affordable slabs of Belgian chocolate to burst the seams on my jeans. As I load up on supplies for later, the weather turns and it starts to pour with rain – the perfect excuse to start sampling that famous Belgian beer around the corner in ‘t Brugs Beertje or the “Little Bear” (brugsbeerteje.be).

Boasting more than 300 types of beer, including everything from chocolate to cherry flavours, there’s plenty of choice in this old-fashioned, characterful wooden bar to while away the hours and write postcards home to Mum, though my mantra is: why waste money on expensive postcards when beer mats are free and plentiful?

The following day, awaking fresh from a beer-induced sleep, I plan to see as many museums as possible in 48 hours using the bargain City Card (bruggecitycar.be) which costs £29 for 48 hours – or £26 if you’re 26 and under – meaning I can dash around as many as I see fit and really get my money’s worth. The tourist board reckons the card, which can be bought online or from a kiosk at Bruges train station, should save you up to £173 if you manage to visit everything in that time.

The canal boat tour offers a different perspective on the city’s picture-pretty medieval cityscape while the Dali Expo (dali-interart.be) is a sumptuously decorated museum devoted to the works of the Spanish surrealist painter. I swing by the must-see belfry, an 83-metre-tall medieval bell tower that played a starring role in the Colin Farrell movie In Bruges. I climb the 366 steps to the top of the tower, which

affords fabulous views of this picturesque city. The attraction that really captivates me, however, is the Chocostory (chocostory.be), dedicated to all things cocoa-related and best of all, dishes out free chocolate.

As Belgium is particularly famous for its chips, I can’t resist a stop at the fascinating Frietsmuseum (frietmuseum.be) that

“

The police don’t look kindly on wild peeing

”

professes to be “the only museum in the world to relate the history of the potato fry”. As well as selling discount chips from its basement café, the museum offers tips on how to cook the perfect friet. I discover that the Belgian chip is traditionally fried in a combination of beef and horse fat, so veggies beware! The Half Moon Brewery (Walplein ››

“

Thanks to the Segway, we did not only enjoy the pleasant atmosphere of Bruges in a unique manner, but also had a really great time!

”

A Segway is a two-wheeled, self-balancing stand-up transporter.

BOOK FROM €30pp

GUIDED TOURS AVAILABLE

MOMENT – Discover your way Sint-Jakobsstraat 44, BE-8000 Brugge T +32 (0)50 688 770 | M +32 (0)495 906 060 info@moment.be | www.momentinbruges.be

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26, halvemaan.be) offers guided tours where we learn about the history behind brewing and receive drink-related advice.

I discover that an acidic snack is the best thing to replenish the gut to make the night last longer and that the coriander used in the brewing process – also found in Hoegaarden and Leffe – is actually an aphrodisiac.

On an early stroll through the historic centre on Sunday morning I notice that free souvenirs can be found in the form of discarded beer glasses on the pavement and windowsills, left from the festivities of the night before. Cambrinus bar is an unmissable drinking institution with hundreds of beers to choose from, all served in their own individual and quirky glasses and, asking nicely, I manage to get some free promotional games from McChouffe, a beer brand. What a bonus – that’s all my souvenirs acquired for free.

One final word of warning to those on a budget: the local authorities don’t look fondly upon “wild peeing”. Getting caught with your pants down will cost you a not-so-cool £131!

Fancy a trip to Bruges? For tourist information and concert listsings, see brugge.be and for general details see visitflanders.co.uk

Hotel Gulden Vlies is a small bed and breakfast hotel in a stately mansion from the early 20th century with some unique art-deco architectural details.

A rich variety on the breakfast buffet : fresh fruit, cereals, buns, bread, yoghurt, cold cuts, regional cheeses, coffee, tea, hot chocolate... included in roomrate.

All rooms have ensuite bathroom, hairdryer, radio & tv Free WIFI Location: The hotel is easy to reach, 10 minutes walking from the marketsquare with plenty of free parking close to the hotel.

Hotel Gulden Vlies Kon. Elisabethlaan 40 8000 Brugge België

Tel: 0032(0)50/34.12.70 (until 10pm) info@guldenvlies.be www.guldenvlies.be

NEXT WEEK Gain an insight into local life with our guide to Europe’s best homestays

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

The cheapest eats are the friets that Belgium is so famous for, with the most popular vendors being the two carts that battle it out in front of the belfry from 7am. Expect to pay about £2.60 for a cone of fries smothered in mayonnaise.

Cambrinus serves the magnificent Menu of the Brewers (£22), consisting of Trappist Cheese Croquettes, followed by Flemish carbonades prepared with “Gulden Draak” Beer served with applesauce, and to finish, a crème brûlée perfumed with the dark Abbey beer of Ename (cambrinus.eu).

Indulge at Den Dyver, which serves four courses with a beer selection for £85. The dishes at this upmarket restaurant are individually paired with beers as well as being cooked in Belgium’s favourite nectar. Try the carpaccio of codfish with hazelnut butter, wheat beer and lime (dyver.be).

DRINK

Unfortunately, beer is not cheap in Belgium, normally working out about £6 a pint, so make the most of happy hour at Snuffels’ Bar with 80p happy hour beers from 9-10pm (snuffel.be)

Staminee De Garre is a woodpanelled establishment hidden away down a narrow alleyway off Breidelstraat (De Garre 1). Draught beer starts from about £3 a glass and every drink is served with a portion of cheese cubes. Their signature beer is the aptly named De Garre, which is a knee trembling 10.5 per cent (00 32 5034 1029).

If you fancy a change from beer, visit the Wijnbar Est, which offers a dizzying selection of more than 90 wines. Get on down to a bit of live jazz or blues every Sunday from 8pm (wijnbarest.be).

SLEEP

Snuffel Backpacker Hostel has dorm beds from £16pppn, the cheapest offering in town. They also have a kitchen, free walking tours, bicycles for rent and their own bar with a nightly happy hour (snuffel.be).

The Etap Hotel looks like an IKEA showroom. Being right above the station, you won’t waste any time hunting for it and the modern minimalist rooms cost from £37 per double room per night (etaphotel.com).

Mega splurge at the four-star De Tuilerieen and you could be lucky enough to be rubbing shoulders with Colin Farrell, Ralph Fiennes, Rutger Hauer or Demis Roussos. A superior deluxe double room in this 15th century noble residence starts at £111 (hoteltuilerieen.com).

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Photos: Toerisme Brugge; Getty

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Shakespeare country This is Stratford-upon-Avon in 48 hours WORDS JANINE KELSO

DAY 1: 09:00 Breakfast like a king by feasting on Danish pastries, smoked salmon, eggs benedict or a full English at the uber-chic Bensons Restaurant (bensonsrestaurant. com). The posh cafe also does an award-winning afternoon tea so it’s worth returning to later if you get a craving for scones and clotted cream.

10:00 Unravel the myths of where Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway at a thought-provoking new exhibition And Thereby Hangs A Tale at Anne Hathaway’s Cottage (shakespeare.org.uk), which is on until January 29. The playwright’s wedding was a social drama when it took place in 1582 because William, 18, was below the age of consent and Anne, eight years his senior, was already pregnant with his child. The age difference and the fact that Anne was pregnant out of wedlock has been the topic of much historical debate. Once you’ve checked out the exhibition, tour the picturesque thatched farmhouse, once Anne’s family home where Shakespeare courted his future bride.

Admission is £7.50.

12:30 Follow in the star-studded footsteps of thespians such as Laurence Olivier and Richard Burton by stopping for lunch at atmospheric watering hole The Dirty Duck (dirtyduck-pub-stratford-upon-avon.co.uk), which enjoys an attractive riverside location. Expect traditional British fare, such as cod and chips, and a ploughman’s platter. Enjoy a drink in the Actors Bar where you can see photos of the stars who have drunk here over the years.

14:00 Get a glimpse into the early life of England’s most famous wordsmith at the town’s number-one attraction, 76

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Shakespeare’s Birthplace (shakespeare.org.uk). As well as growing up in the house, Shakespeare spent the first five years of married life here. A host of literary luminaries have visited the home during the past 250 years, including Charles Dickens, John Keats, Walter Scott and Thomas Hardy. Expect tourists galore year-round at this theme park-style attraction for cultured types. Admission from £12.50.

17:30 Treat yourself to a good feed at unpretentious eatery The Vintner Cafe (the-vintner.co.uk) where top-notch dishes include surf & turf and rump steak with king prawns.

19:15 See one of the Bard’s greatest works by taking in one of his plays at the Royal Shakespeare Company (rsc.org. uk), recently treated to a £113 million facelift that means that the distance between the back row and the stage has now halved. The theatre still has many of its gorgeous original features, such as its art deco bar and stone staircase.

Currently showing is Macbeth, The Merchant Of Venice and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Ticket prices range from £14 to £58, depending on where you’d like to sit and when you want to visit. Go midweek or to a Saturday matinee for the cheapest tickets.

23:00 Get spooked by spending the night at the creepy Ettington Park Hotel (handpickedhotels.co.uk), a neo-Gothic mansion six miles from Stratford-upon-Avon, where ghosts and ghouls are said to go bump in the night.

Featured in 1963 horror The Haunting, the hotel’s site has been a centre of human habitation for more than 2000 years.

Double rooms cost from £125 per night.

DAY 2: 10:00 Ditch the Bard for butterflies at Stratford

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Rural idyll: Anne Hathaway’s Cottage

Butterfly Farm (butterflyfarm.co.uk), a lush indoor landscape of waterfalls and fish-filled pools that’s flush with hundreds of the exotic insects, as well as scorpions and spiders. It’s the largest of its kind in Europe. Admission is £6.25.

12:00 If you’re still itching to see more Shakespearean attractions, swing by Mary Arden’s Farm (shakespeare. org.uk) where the playwright’s mother grew up.

Experience the daily routine and skills that the young Wills would have known in the 1570s. Get stuck into tasks such as threshing and breadmaking, while soaking up the sights and sounds of an authentic Tudor farm. Admission is £9.50.

13:00 Grab a tasty yet affordable lunch at popular English brasserie Edward Moon (edwardmoon.com).

Mains include lamb shank, beef bourguignon and wild mushroom risotto.

14:00 Round up your weekend by visiting the Holy Trinity Church (stratford-upon-avon.org) where Shakespeare was baptised and buried. Prettily set on the banks of the River Avon, you can see the graves of the Bard, his wife, his daughter Suzanna and son-in-law Dr John Hall.

15:00 If you have time before heading home, drop by the medieval Warwick Castle (warwick-castle.com).

Admission is £29.40.

For tourist information Shakespeare-Country.co.uk Take a train from London Marylebone to Stratford-upon-Avon from £25 return (2h12mins) with Chiltern Railways chilternrailways.co.uk

It’s all about Shakespeare in Stratford-upon-Avon

Bored of the Bard? Visit Stratford Butterfly Farm TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Great sheikhs: Abu Simbel

Cairo and the Nile

CAIRO

EGYPT EGYPT Luxor

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GETTING THERE Fly from London to Cairo with flybmi.com, British Airways (britishairways.com) or Egypt Air (egyptair.com). Return flights cost from ÂŁ308 with flybmi.com.

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BIGTRIP

After the revolution Egypt is a country in the grip of change but its appeal to tourists remains as timeless as its most famous attractions WORDS TOM STURROCK

WHEN TO GO: Stay away during the summer – it’s too hot.

As dusk deepens, so does the crowd on the – the pyramids continue to captivate because Seriously, when it’s 46 degrees, platform of Cairo’s Giza station. Like us, they of what they reveal about the civilisation you don’t want to be there. But the are waiting for a train south to Aswan. Cairo that built them. They were, of course, months either side of summer are has a reputation as one of the world’s most vastly more technologically advanced than fine – still warm enough to enjoy polluted cities – tonight, the low-lying haze any other population of the ancient world but cool enough to be able catches the bright lights, bathing the station – the sophistication of engineering, the to travel in relative comfort. in a strange orange glow. “After 32 years, insatiability of their curiosity and their it took us less than three weeks to get rid understanding of astrology, in particular, CURRENCY: £1 = nine of Mubarak,” Romany, my guide, tells me, were so far ahead of the curve that it Egyptian pounds. referring to the seismic events that occurred boggles the mind. And, more than any ACCOMMODATION: It earlier this year, when a popular uprising other sight, it is the Great Pyramids, depends where you stay but plenty ended the presidency of Hosni Mubarak. of plush resorts are keen to fill their silhouetted in the dusk, that inspire the Cairo, an already chaotic city at the best appropriate wonder. rooms at the moment, so you can of times, remains safe for tourists – there Their outer marble casings have been take advantage of some exceptional are specially licensed tourism police charged stripped away, leaving the dusty beige prices along the Nile or in the Red with protecting visitors – but the odd sign of limestone exposed, but some of the shiny Sea resorts. heightened disorder is easily noticed. On the exoskeleton is still visible at their apexes.

SEE: egypt.travel platform, there are a handful of policeman, It requires only a short stretch of the identifiable by their white uniforms. They are there mostly imagination to picture them on completion – enormous for show and have no real power. They stand idly as a monoliths, gleamingly smooth, soaring miraculously above handful of young men clamber down on to the tracks and the sands. To anyone who encountered them, they must have cross over to the opposite platform. seemed evidence of alien life; they were, and still are, unlike “When the police disbanded, people joined together anything else. in their own neighbourhoods to make sure there was no At the feet of the pyramids, locals do their best to hawk breaking the law,” Romany says, explaining that decent, their wares. Since the Revolution, the tourism economy has law-abiding Egyptians have tried to keep the peace. become straitened – fewer tourists means fewer customers “There are people who want it to fail, who want us to for the guys who rely on selling knick-knacks, postcards and think, ‘It was better under Mubarak’,” Romany continues. camel tours for enough Egyptian pounds to get by. At some “But as long as Egyptian people do the right thing, and don’t spots, there are hordes of them – beseeching you to look, to just do whatever they want because there is no one to stop buy. It’s easier to just hand them a few pounds – worth so them, it will be successful. We just need time.” little to tourists – but the drawback is that earning a living at these tourist sites deters the youngest hawkers – some are The greatest civilisation seven or eight years old – from going to school.

Any trip to Egypt would be incomplete without visiting the The Valley of the Kings is different again – built into the country’s most famous attractions: the Great Pyramids and west bank of the Nile river, near Luxor, the crypts of some the Sphinx in Cairo; the soaring temples at Abu Simbel and in of Egypt’s most revered rulers have been immaculately Luxor and Aswan; and the ancient underground crypts in the preserved. While the pyramids, for all their grandeur, Valley of the Kings. are washed out and have taken on the colours of the The pyramids remain the iconic symbols of Egypt, giant, surrounding desert, the tombs in the Valley of the Kings dusty monoliths rising out of the desert. They are spectacular, more resemble a newly painted children’s bedroom. The no doubt, but there are great structures all over the world bright white walls show little sign of wear and tear, ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Sail away on a felucca trip on the Nile; or, right, enjoy a camel ride despite being thousands of years old, and the remarkably intricate hieroglyphics, covering the walls from floor to ceiling, appear to have lost none of the rich scarlets and sky blues.

For sheer majesty, for sheer opulence, the enormous structures of Abu Simbel are equally breathtaking. They were originally carved into the rocks near Aswan but were broken into 20-tonne blocks and relocated in 1968, making way for the sprawling dam known as Lake Nasser.

The facades of the temple are among Egypt’s most elegant, most recognisable attractions – the four 20m-high statues paying tribute to Ramses II, one of Egypt’s most revered pharaohs. And, make no mistake, there have been plenty of those.

It is believed that the original temple was positioned so that, on two days of the year – Ramses’s birthday and coronation day – the rays of the sun would penetrate the sanctuary and illuminate the sculptures on the back wall, except for the statue of Ptah, the god connected with the underworld, who always remained in the dark.

obsessed with Bob Marley – accordingly, a Jamaican flag hangs from the felucca’s mast. The banks of the Nile are lined with farms – this is fertile country, a long way removed from the dry heat of the desert – giving way to lush hills that tier their way all the way to the horizon.

Periodically, we pull over to swim at secluded spots, where the banks of the river are lush with greenery, where waterholes stretch out for miles and local cattle slake their thirsts. In the evening, when the Nile’s waters catch the half-

On the water The Nubian Dream, our felucca, zigzags its way north along the Nile, bearing us from Aswan toward Luxor. A felucca is a small sailing boat and, in Egypt, tourists ride in comfort, on mattresses covering the deck and protected by shadecloth.

There are other ways to travel the Nile – on giant cruisers, which are essentially floating hotels – but the felucca is the most authentic.

The crew have grown up on the Nile, working the boats, navigating the waters. The men on the Nubian Dream are 80

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Tick-box: The Sphinx and the Pyramids of Giza

light of the setting sun, we dock a few yards upstream from a terracotta village, where the inhabitants are just finishing their day’s work – they have been working their crops, selling their trinkets, tending to their livestock. Their fields are nestled immediately next to the Nile – as we walk from our felucca, we are joined by a throng of women with bundles of sugar cane under their arms.

We dine at one of the local houses – it is more of a walled compound, capable of accommodating an extended family

“

The Nile’s waters catch the setting sun

”

and a handful of animals. The food is simple but delicious – fresh olives and hummus, followed by spicy chicken wraps, or shwarma, and some grilled pigeon. In these parts, pigeon has a certain reputation – it is known colloquially as “the Egyptian Viagra” and is traditionally served as part of a wedding banquet.

The food is barely finished before the water pipe is produced. Mustafa, the man of the house, who must be in his sixties, has the thickset build of someone used to manual labour. He hikes his plain grey galabeya – the standard-issue smock – up to his knees and begins expertly preparing the shisha.

Darkness has fallen now, but the compound is well-lit. The women sit huddled in the corner, offering temporary henna tattoos. The village around us has shut down for the evening – there is no noise of traffic, or shouting from people wandering the streets. It is silent, except for the bubbling of the shisha as Mustafa sucks on the mouthpiece, causing the tobacco to light up. He leans back, eyes closed, and exhales, filling the night air with thick, perfumed smoke.

After the shisha is finished, we slink back to the boat, which rests idle on the water. The crew have already hung a thin gauze around the deck to keep the mosquitoes out – they’re out in numbers, buzzing noisily along the water’s edge. After bedding down, sleep comes easily – the felucca’s rhythm, as it rocks ››

The Insider's guide On The Go Tours’ Egypt tour co-ordinator Andy Henderson tell us his top tips for travel in Egypt.

When is the best time to visit Egypt?

Egypt is a year-round destination but it can get very hot in summer. The best time to visit is during April and May when it’s sunny but not too hot. If you want to escape a miserable London winter, December or January are good months to visit as it’s sunny. The worst time to go is August as this is when the mercury can soar but on the plus side, fewer people travel to Egypt at this time, so if you can cope with the heat, you’ll have the major sites to yourself.

What’s the best way to get around Cairo?

Hectic Cairo can be overwhelming to newcomers as it has a population of more than 20 million and no apparent traffic laws. If you are not overly adventurous, I would avoid taking local cabs at first.

Ask your hotel receptionist for the best way to get somewhere, as they can advise on the cost of a taxi ride so you can pay as much as a local would. Although most cabs now have meters, you will have to haggle over the fare in some of the older ones. Make sure you do this before getting into the cab.

In the markets, how can you avoid being ripped off?

Egypt has a deeply ingrained haggling culture. The best option is to ask a price and come back with a third of that and work up from there. Paying half of the seller’s original offer is typically a fair aim. While the idea is to get a good price and have fun, keep in mind the exchange rate and remember that when haggling over a mere pound or two, it is not much to you but is a lot to them. Don’t ask the price of something unless you are genuinely interested and don’t pick it up unless you intend to buy.

What are Egypt’s top must-see sights?

Try the Monastery of St Simon, seldom visited by tourists. Located on the west bank of the Nile in Cairo, the monastery was built in the seventh century and is cut into rock face. Reaching it is a true adventure through the winding alleys of Zabbaleen, the village of the garbage collectors. You have to see it to believe it!

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gently on the Nile’s night-time tides, working brilliantly as a silent lullaby.

Marvel at ancient sites

Cairo nights The adhan – the call to prayer – rings out above the hubbub of the station. It is the perfect soundtrack – such a haunting melodic incantation that even a wretched unbeliever cannot help but appreciate its rich, sonorous sound. There is a transcendental timelessness about it, an enchanting lilt which seems to make the rest of the world move more slowly.

A passenger train clatters into the platform. It’s not ours – we want the next one. Good thing, too, as it’s packed.

Young men in jeans and polo shirts do their best to squeeze through the doors, but as many are turned away as manage to make it on board – there are plenty more hanging off the backs of the carriages. Through one of the windows, four cadets are visible, sharing a four-seater booth, with a deck of cards splayed on the table in front of them. One of them catches my eye.

“My friend, where are you from?” he asks. I tell him.

“Ah, Australia,” he nods, smiling, his arm resting against the open window, as the train’s engine whirs into life once again, its axles straining as it begins to pull out. “Welcome to Egypt,” he adds, with a wave, before the train eases away, its noise hanging in the air behind it as it disappears into the uncertainty of the warm Egyptian night. ❚

Tom Sturrock travelled to Egypt with On The Go Tours. Group trips to Egypt range from six to 17 days with prices starting from £329.

All group tours can be amended and upgraded with a raft of bolt-ons and excursions. For more information, see onthegotours.com or call 020 7371 1113

Souks you, sir: haggle away in the market

BEST OF THE REST WHERE TO GO IN EGYPT BEST FOR ... CULTURE AND SIGHTSEEING

Cairo Why: It’s the capital and it’s an enormous, sprawling city.

The traffic is a nightmare but you’ll be able to tick off the Pyramids and the Sphinx as well as the remarkable Egyptian Museum. They have so many antiquities that plans are already underway to build a new museum to store them all.

See: touregypt.net/cairo

BEST FOR ... PARTYING

Hurghada Why: It’s Egypt’s second-largest city and probably its most westernised. You’ll find the main street brimming with visitors and slightly dodgy nightlife, but once you get your bearings you’ll find some great bars and nightclubs in the backstreets, especially down by the city’s marina, where you can party the night away in the open air.

See: hurghada.com

Dazzling: Luxor Temple

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Sharm el-Sheikh and Dahab

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Ph: 020 7471 6400 www.thegobus.com

102 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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OKTOBERFEST

RUGBY LEAGUE FOUR NATIONS @ WEMBLEY STADIUM ■ AUS v ENG + NZ v Wales Double Header SAT 5 NOV £26 ■ 4 NATIONS FINAL SAT 19 NOV Coach Tour

MUNICH’S INCREDIBLE BEER FESTIVAL!

£119

FINAL places available for each weekend!

RUGBY UNION DON’T MISS THIS YEAR’S ONLY EUROPEAN INTERNATIONAL ■ AUS v BARBARIANS Twickenham SAT 26 NOV ✔ Featuring all of this year’s World Cup stars!

£35

HOGMANAY EDINBURGH’S MASSIVE NYE PARTY ■ 3 Night Hostel & Hotel 30 DEC-2 JAN £209/£249 ■ 4 Day Coach/Hostel Tour 30 DEC-2 JAN £279 ✔ Accom ideally located in the absolute heart of town ✔ Edinburgh street party pass ✔ Superb pubs, bars & clubs ✔ Funky tour t-shirt ✔ Experienced Fanatics tour reps

FEB SKI WEEK HALF-TERM SKI WEEK IN THE FRENCH ALPS! ■ Coach Tour Risoul, France

11-18 FEB

£649

16-18 MAR

All weekend packages three nights Friday-Monday.

Mid-week camping & hostel options also available!

SKIFEST SKIFEST XMAS & PARIS NYE COMBO ■ Risoul & Paris 23 Dec-2 Jan All-inclusive £769 SKIFEST XMAS COACH TOUR ■ Risoul 23-31 DEC All-inclusive £619

CELEBRATE PADDY’S DAY IN DUBLIN! Dublin

■ Weekend Camping £149 ✔ 3 Nights camping ✔ Transfers to beerhalls ■ Weekend Hostels fr£199 ✔ 3 Nights central Munich hostels ■ Weekend Hotel fr£349 ✔ 3 Nights central Munich hotel ■ Prague & Buda Fest 8 Day Tour £329 ✔ Budapest & Prague walking tours ✔ Salzburg/Vienna ✔ Munich beerhalls ✔ Coach transfers throughout ■ London 6 Day Coach Tours fr£269 ✔ Return coach ✔ 3 Nights camping or hostel

✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ 2 Nights Paris ✔ Coach transfers

PADDY’S DAY ■ 3 Nights

17 SEP-3 OCT

£129

ANZAC DAY

✔ 6 Nights Risoul ✔ Coach transfers

SKIFEST XMAS FLIGHT TOUR ■ Tignes 24-31 DEC All-inclusive £699 ■ Risoul 23-30 or 24-31 DEC All-inclusive £739 ✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ Flights & airport transfers

JOIN OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED ANZAC TOURS

GALLIPOLI TOURS ■ 3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199 ■ 4 Day Tour 23-26 APR £239 ■ 5 Day Tour 22-26 APR £279 ■ 8/9 Day Tours 18-26 APR or 22-29 APR £399 ■ 15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY £599 WESTERN FRONT TOUR WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services ■ Eurostar Tour 23-25 APR £299 (Or Make Own Way £259) ✔ Somme ✔ Villers-bretonneaux ✔ Ypres ✔ Fromelles

SKIFEST NYE COACH TOUR ■ Risoul 30 DEC-7 JAN All-inclusive £619 ✔ 6 Nights Risoul ✔ Coach transfers

SKIFEST NYE FLIGHT TOUR ■ Risoul 30 DEC-6 JAN All-inclusive £739

✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ Flights & airport transfers

FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE ■ Fulham FC vs Queens Park Rangers SUN 2 OCT 3pm ■ Fulham FC vs Everton SUN 23 OCT 1:30pm £38

£53

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM 105

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OKTOBERFEST 2011 Europeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest party has NOW STARTED!!!

YOU STILL HAVE TIME - join us in Munich on the huge 2nd and 3rd weekends.

MIDDLE WEEKEND: 5 day coach camp (Sept 22-26) and Accom only at camp - both available - from £99

CLOSING WEEKEND: 5 day coach camp We are the largest UK operator to Munich and cover the entire fest (17 Sept â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 3 Oct)

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Next Stop?

CHEAPEST VACCINATIONS ONLINE VACCINATION SEARCH NO CONSULTATION FEE! Swapping the concrete jungle for the real thing?

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email: absaf@absoluteafrica.com

I

41 Swanscombe Road, Chiswick, London W4 2HL

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS SHORT BREAKS PARIS BY EUROSTAR From

£209

Departures on Fri 23 Sept & 7 Oct. Two nights B&B hotel, city sightseeing tour and plenty of free time to explore Paris.

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OVERNIGHT WEEKEND TOURS OVERNIGHT HILTON NORTHERN ENGLAND: Peak District and York Sat 1 - Sun 2 Oct. From £116pp OVERNIGHT HILTON SOUTHERN ENGLAND Oxford Stonehenge & Bath Sat 8 - Sun 9 Oct. From £99pp DIKSMUIDE - BELGIUM’S BEER FESTIVAL Overnight tour with departures on the 8th, 15th and 22nd October.

From

£90pp

TM

HORSE RIDING IN WALES RELAX AND RECHARGE YOUR BATTERIES AT THE WEEKEND

We pickup from Ealing every Friday evening at 6:30pm.

Our trips are great for groups of mates, singles or couples HORSE RIDING Ride all day over the Brecon Beacons national park, suitable for first timers or experienced. We ride over mountains and ancient Roman bridleways, it’s probably the best ride in the UK, with great scenery. The sore ass is on us and guaranteed, but we’ll put muscle soak in the hot tub for you. £195 HILL WALKING On the Brecon beacons national park £135.

Or you can just chill FLY FISHING All tackle supplied, you just fish all day .£165 ACCOMODATION has 2 double rooms, dorms & open log fire. It also has a large covered hot tub next to a river with music. At night you can party all you like, with big late breakfast on Sunday. Our food is home made and cooked by a pro.

Phone 01874 636170 open till 10pm.

DAY TRIPS £46 £55

¸ Sat 24 Sept: Oxford and Stratford Upon Avon. From ¸ Sat 24 Sept: Cycling in the New Forest. Only ¸ Sun 25 Sept: Brighton. From

£36

¸ Sat 1 & Sun 2 Oct: Oxford and Stratford Upon Avon. From ¸ Sun 2 Oct:

PLUS Stonehenge & Bath EVERYDAY. From £45 with entrances to Stonehenge & the Roman Baths included!

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LUXURY MINI COACH TOURS No more than 15 people with customer specified pick ups in zone 1 From

£55

¸ EVERYDAY - Oxford, Stratford & Cotswolds ¸ EVERYDAY - Stonehenge, Glastonbury, Avebury & Chalice Well ¸ EVERY SAT & SUN - Leeds Castle, Canterbury & White Cliffs of Dover

Weekday trips also can be arranged, Sunday to Friday, good for teachers

BOOK ONLINE AT:

Email: info@bushwakkers.co.uk website: www.bushwakkers.co.uk

www.andersontours.co.uk or call 0207 436 9304

Included in all prices are return transport, 2 nights accommodation, all food and activity. There are absolutely NO hidden extras.

We are fully qualified and all legalities are in place, so no wukking furries

£45

£45 Cotswold Villages. From £36

¸ Sat 1 Oct: Isle of Wight. From

Anderson Tours Travel Shop, 81 Charlotte Street, London W1T 4PP

Anderson Tours is fully bonded

by Client Trust Account

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MIRACLE WORKERS AGENCY HAS WELL PAID POSITIONS AVAILABLE THROUGHOUT THE UK LOOKING AFTER THE ELDERLY IN THEIR OWN HOMES:

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118 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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COUPLE WANTED FOR 6 MONTHS STARTING MID OCTOBER, to live and work at farm near Salisbury, Wilts.

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Salary approx £350 a week. Ring 01722 718555 or 07881654845.

References Please. Initial meeting can be in London.

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* knocking back snakies and dancing on tables well into your forties. It’s been fun having you around. Many happy returns.

Bestival freak: Calling out to the chick at Bestival who dressed up as Marylin Monroe wearing the slinky white dress. You were with a big fat dude who dressed up as dead Elvis. You were so foxy, and that’s not just because I got to see up your dress when the wind blew, or through it when the rain poured

bollocks. Just watch your back is all I’m saying. You know who.

Come back: Zippy, I miss you so much! The Bush just ain’t the same and my Thursday nights are now shit boring. Hope Reading is treating you well, now you’ve gone all suburban and ‘settling down’. Cant wait for your return to London so we can go party – dirty 30’s style! Keep in touch babes. Big hugs, your birthday twin, Juzzy.

Hot rod: To the guy who I met last

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#445 Hit the stage as one of Rihanna’s dancers – ‘you’re so good at being bad’.

down. I heard your friend call out ‘Laura’ to you, so I guess that’s your name. You were talking about Camp bar in Shoreditch – where I’m from. Wish I’d have said something to you, but I was dressed as Shakira and looked like a dick. Anyway, I know you know nothing about me, but if you’re lonely, I could be your Joe DiMaggio. Get in touch here.

Suck on it: Mack from Sail Croatia who teabagged me while I slept on the deck of the boat.

It’s now time to get my revenge, you clown and it’s going to be a whole lot filthier than your cheesy

week at the races last week when you told me you were going to give me a ride on your big chopper I was so excited. It’s a shame we only went for a spin in your helicopter though. Hope to see you again.

Next time be specific. Dripping Daisy.

Li’l miss cheeky Pacheco: Huge congratulations on the bun in the oven. No wonder you stopped running! If the little cherub pops out looking anything as cute as you, then strike me, some hearts are going to melt! All the best to you and Paz. The crew.

Dirty dick: Hey George, do ya farken dishes. We’re sick of cleaning up after your weird paella experiments and trying to get the remnants of your four teaspoons of sugar off the bottom of threeday old coffee cups. Your mum’s not around anymore. Cleaning’s a multistage process. Sort it out, retard. Or you’re out. The team at 68b.

266 cutie: To the cute girl in white with a white headband on the 266 on Tuesday night (September 13), we shared a smile, we shared a bus stop. I had just mustered the guts to ask you for your number when your friend ambushed you as we got off. Would love the chance to get your number.

Email me at Acton266cutie@ hotmail.co.uk.

I know who you are: To the mysterious person who sent me the foxy fox in the post – thanks so much. I love it! It’s going on my winter coat. (I have a sneaking suspicion I know who you are). A Bare threads: This is a message to the guy on Edgware Road on Monday (Septebmer 12) who tried to leap over the railings into moving traffic, and split open his jeans in the process. Your undies were feral, mate.

Latin Hunk: To the gorgeous guy with the muscular arms who helped me carry my suitcase up several flights of stairs at Victoria Station on Saturday – you made my day.

Good to know chivalry’s not dead.

From the petite raven-haired girl with the big suitcase going to Brighton.

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

GRAB YOURSELF A BARGAIN register at tnttravelshow.com

Saturday, October 15 | 9.30am – 5pm 122 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty

Never a dull moment: Sal and Sarah, I just called, to say, I love you. Thanks for everything, we will be there for you when you finally decide to come home. Whoa whoa whoa. Love Dom and KC. M&M attack: Monster, you must stop masticating on my Mohican by the moonlight because the manboobs are getting mangy and my moodles become moochy. Got that, manbags? Malevolent Mal. What a ripper: To Kat, the blonde hottie who took my breath away in Fulham on Saturday night.

My back still hurts, you know some moves girl! But the grin hasn’t left my face since the weekend. Hope to bump into you again soon, Big Ben. Good luck Janine: Though we’re so sad you’re leaving us – for a short time anyway – secretly we’re relieved because delivering a baby, had you have popped unexpectedly, is just not something we’re cut out for. Phew! All the best for motherood – at least one adventure you haven’t tried yet!

Love, the TNT crew.

Spazza Tazza: How you’re still getting messages in this mag long after you’ve gone, I don’t know. You practically filled the pages when you were here. But here’s one more for posterity: happy birthday and many happy returns. Kick back with a Bundy for me. Woot woot! Love, Corrine.

Hey gorgeous: Happy birthday for the big three oh! Some of us thought you were never going to make it with your wild ways. But you proved us wrong and I for one wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still

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