TNT Magazine / Issue 1478

Dec 26 2011-Jan 1 2012 Issue 1478 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A WEEK’S SK IING TRIP IN THE FRENCH ALP S

BEIRUT FORCE We ignore the bullet holes and go clubbing in Lebanon

THE YEAR THAT WAS TNT’s take on the events that stole the show in 2011

ECO BREAKS Top green tours that won’t cost the earth

T ’ N O D E S PLEA

C I S U M E H T STOP

rty’s at a p e h t e r e h uary 1 is w n Ja . r a e y t s ve is SO la New Year’s E

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER So how was the big day? Hopefully you got suitably stuffed, and you’re now ready to party. If you still haven’t got New Year’s sorted, check out our ideas on tntmagazine.com – or ditch the celebrations and mark New Year’s Day instead, with our top ideas on P6. What do Muammar Gaddafi and Demi Moore have in common?

They both made it into our review of 2011. See who else piqued our interest this year on P27. See you in 2012!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY MY LONDON DRINK & EATS SPOTTED LONDON SOUND

4 10 12-13 15 16-17

CHATROOM JONATHAN LA PAGLIA 19 LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

20-21 22

LIFESTYLE

23-25

SHOPPING

23

HEALTH & BEAUTY

24-25

NEWS & SPORT

27-32

COMPETITION TRAVEL

35-51

TOP FIVE

38-39

TIPS

40

48 HOURS IN... PRAGUE

46-47

CLASSIFIEDS

65-70

DESPERATELY SEEKING

6

33

74

FEATURES THE MORNING AFTER

6

New Year’s Day is the new New Year’s Eve. Find out why – and where to party

BAG A BARGAIN

48

24

Smart people do their Xmas shopping at the January sales. Here’s the lowdown

THE YEAR THAT WAS

26

2011 has had its ups and downs – we remind you of the best bits

BUMS ON SEATS

36

Photos: Getty. Cover: Ministry of Sound

Saddle up and take a cycle tour through the New Forest – just don’t get lost

BARS AND BULLETHOLES

42

Lebanon’s Beirut may have a brutal past – but it also has a beautiful present

A LITTLE RESPECT

26

48

Eco travel is something we should all strive for as we wander the globe

42 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

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Add a touch of class to your NYE

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

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TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON TASSEL CLUB HOXTON HALL

Ring in the new year with a touch of old-world glamour at the Tassel Club, which promises a feats of cabaret delights – vaudeville, burlesque and circus performances, all delivered with vintage flair and panache. In between, enjoy the hand-rolled cigars and sip away on the classic cocktails. The gorgeous old Victorian music will be kitted out to capture all the elegance of the 1900s, so dust off your three-piece suit and fob watch and, for the ladies, break out your fans and diamantes. £40

December 31 130 Hoxton St, N1 6SH

thetasselclub.com

Old Street

THE LAST BEST PARTY

I DECIDED NOT TO SAVE THE WORLD

HOXTON PONY’S FLYING CIRCUS

If you fancy a chattier, more laidback approach to New Year’s Eve, head to this open-mic night with a pseudo-intellectual twist, where peformers offer their wittiest riffs on the world of science. Maybe it sounds a bit ponderous but after you’ve had a few drinks you’ll see the funny side of it. You might even learn something.

It’s a good time to get to the Tate as people will be busy recovering from Christmas indulgences. You won’t have to fight against the crowds and can explore the gallery’s expanses at your leisure. This exhibition is a lighthearted, off-beat social commentary, combining the work of several artists in different mediums.

The Hoxton Pony is an east London institution and, on New Year’s Eve, will be turned into a big top full of jugglers, acrobats and contortionists. Probably best if you avoid trying your hand at any of it after downing your fifth Jagermeister. That could end in tears. Ringing in the new year in casualty is no fun.

December 31 Wilmington Arms, 69 Rosebery Ave, EC1R 4RL scienceshowoff. org Angel

Until January 8 Tate Modern, Sumner St, Bankside, SE1 9TG tate.org.uk Southwark

December 31 104-108 Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH thehoxtonpony.com Old Street

£15

FREE

£15

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Up close and personal

e t a r b e l e c NEW YEAR’S EVE FIREWORKS On the banks of the Thames

Sure, you can see the fireworks on TV from whatever houseparty or nightclub you’re at, but it’s also worth considering getting down to the banks of the Thames yourself to watch what is, every year, a truly world-class fireworks display. The best spots are on the north side of the Victoria Embankment and on the various bridges either side. Check tfl.gov.uk to plan your journey.

FREE

December 31 London Eye, SE1 7PB

london.gov.uk/newyearseve

Waterloo

NEW ART FROM GERMANY

WHITE MINK ELECTRO-SWING

The full name of this exhibition is Gesamtkunstwerk, but if that’s too much of a mouthful for you, then you only need to know that it’s the new German exhibition at the Saatchi gallery. You’re advised to go in with an open mind as this show has its off-kilter moments but, as is Mr Saatchi’s way, it’s also impressively dramatic.

There is apparently a 1920s speakeasy vibe at this New Year’s Eve party, but the tunes are a combination of vintage and gypsy beats, so it’s safe to say you can get away with pretty much anything. And, really, where else would you want to be on the big night than in east London, where it’s sure to kick off properly.

Remember to book ahead.

Until April 29 Saatchi Gallery, King’s Rd, SW3 4SQ saatchigallery.com Sloane Square

December 31 Bedroom Bar, 62 Rivington St, EC2A 3AY whitemink.co.uk Old Street

FREE

£25

A I L A R T S U A DA1Y 2 FREE ENTRY OS

VENUE: INFERN GH ST, 146 CLAPHAM HI SW4 7UH DATE: SUNDAY, JANUARY 22, 2012 COMMON TUBE: CLAPHAM DNIGHT MI – AM 10 E: TIM

20

LUDES: THE PARTY INC ARRIVAL FREE DRINK ON BEFORE 12 NOON

JUMBUCK’S PIE AUSSIE BEERS ENT DJ ENTERTAINM BEST DRESSED COMPETITION, AMAZING PRIZES

ISTER EN YOU PRE-REG H W E E FR E R A S TICKET day .com/australia e n zi a g a tm n .t www

Why stop after midnight? The New Year’s Day clubbing scene is alive and booming

Keep on partying Drinks are cheaper and the pressure’s off – so let excess raise its beautiful head this New Year’s Day WORDS CLARE VOOGHT New Year’s Eve is overrated. Drinks cost a bomb, clubs are packed and things usually get messy well before midnight even arrives. But this year, New Year’s Day falls on a Sunday, and most of us get the following day off. So instead of spending January 1 hungover, start the year as you mean to go on – by having a hell of a good time, because, this year, NYD is the new NYE. Bars, venues and superclubs across London are expecting to entertain revellers with stamina, who rock up from the night before, along with a savvy clientele intent on saving their partying for a less stressful night. And ticket prices are much, much cheaper.

Hidden club in Vauxhall (hiddenclub. co.uk) is opening its doors at the notso-respectable hour of 10am on January 1, to cater for anyone still awake and partying from New Year’s Eve. Then it’ll provide hard house and trance beats to celebrate 2012, right up until 9pm.

Organiser Simon Gordon says: “Our party will be much cheaper, because it’s New Year’s Day. It’s fun, friendly and there’ll be a good mix of people coming to us in the morning after the 6

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night before, or before going out for the night.”

In truly optimistic new year style, the event is innocently named The White Party. But with 11 hours of daytime clubbing, we’re not sure anyone will be sticking to any resolutions. Costumes are optional, but guests are encouraged to put on their best white get-up – and there will be prizes for the best dressed.

Forty-five DJs will keep guests moving across three arenas, including Andy Whitby, Rob Tissera, Andy Farley, Karim, Cally Cage vs Lucy Fur and Alex Mac & Zeebra Kid. There’ll also be a food bar where you can refuel between dancing.

And, if, by the end of the day, you still haven’t had your fill of pounding techno, you’ll be pleased to hear that London’s excessive NYD parting doesn’t stop there. The infamous WetYourSelf collective, which has become something of a London clubbing institution since it began five years ago, is throwing a hedonistic NYD all-nighter at Fabric.

With DJ T, Solomun, APP, Andre Galluzzi, Faster and MHM ONE – among a host of other modern

dance acts that are taking over three rooms, it’ll keep you dancing through the night.

The compulsion to go out on New Year’s Day, or on a normal Sunday, comes naturally to bassline-loving WetYourSelf DJ Cormac. “Just as Sundays are to Saturday night clubbing, New Year’s Day is the antidote to New Year’s Eve clubbing,” he enthuses.

“There’s less pressure, it’s less expensive and people are more relaxed. New Year’s Day is more fun.”

This should be enough to win most people over, but if you don’t have the stamina to party your way through to the small hours of January 2, Cormac says: “Spend New Year’s Eve with your loved ones, your partner, your friends and family. Pace yourself, then come lose yourself at WetYourSelf and get the best of both worlds.”

MORE WAYS TO SPEND NYD ›› Frantic presents The White Party at Hidden, £10.

Jan 1, 10am-9pm 100 Tinworth Street, SE11 5EQ hiddenclub.co.uk Vauxhall WetYourSelf at Fabric, £12. Jan 1, 8pm-8am 77a Charterhouse Street, EC1M 6HJ fabriclondon.com Farringdon

Stay out for a packed-out NYD party

Fabric is a top choice for New Year’s Day revelry

A techno-heavy night by club connoisseurs Frantic

LOVE FEVER NYD DALSTON

LONDON TRANSPORT MUSEUM COVENT GARDEN

Dance all night at a New York-style disco with house acts A&A, FCL, Jimmy Edgar plus some secret guests. Not only was Love Fever’s New Year’s Day party a sell-out last year, but it has hosted events in a strip club, a yacht club and a film studio – proof that its NYD event is going to be a packed-out night of arty debauchery. £10

January 1. 4pm-4am 36-44 Stoke Newington Road, N16 7XJ ilovethenest.com Dalston Kingsland

Do something a little touristy to get rid of your hangover, like visit the London Transport Museum. There’s nothing like a bit of British transport patriotism to make you fall back in love with London when you’ve got a sore head. £13.50

January 1. 10am-6pm Covent Garden Piazza, WC2E 7BB ltmuseum.co.uk Covent Garden

NEW YEAR’S DAY PARADE CENTRAL LONDON London boasts the biggest New Year’s Day parade in the world. The procession also kicks off a year of celebrations for Queenie’s Diamond Jubilee with more than 10,000 performers – including marching bands and cheerleaders – making their way along the two-mile route.

FREE

January 1. 11.45am-3pm The parade goes from Piccadilly to Parliament Street londonparade.co.uk Green Park/ Piccadilly Circus/ Charing Cross/ Westminster

WINTER WONDERLAND HYDE PARK

BUGGED OUT ALL-DAY-ER ISLINGTON

If you haven’t visited the festive extravaganza that is Winter Wonderland, there’s still time. Wrap up warm and hit the ice rink; the allhuman circus, an extreme acrobatics show filled with risky manoeuvres; and lots of thrilling rides – but don’t eat candy floss before going on the rides, as you’ll regret it. There’s also a giant observation wheel, which lets you check out some awesome city views from the comfort of your own enclosed pod – hire the VIP pod from £55 for a group of up to six and you’ll get plush leather decor, privacy glass, an sound system and champers. Sounds pretty fancy.

After a decade of legendary acts like Erol Alkan, Mylo and Friendly Fires, The Old Queen’s Head pub is holding its 10th and final NYD party.

The headliners will be revealed on the day, but so far, acts include Tayo, Frank Tope from Wild Geese and Joe Ransom.

£13.50

ALL STARS AT EGG NEW YEAR’S DAY CARRY ON KING’S CROSS Kicking off just four hours into 2012 as an extension of Egg’s Riothemed White & Gold NYE Ball – it’s the ultimate afterparty and will have you dancing through the first sunrise of the year. With Karizma, Audiowhores, Anderson Noize, Tomasuchy AKA Tomas Tesla and more to be confirmed. There’s really no reason to head home yet. £15

January 1. 4am-1pm 200 York Way, N7 9AX egglondon.net King’s Cross

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Open until January 3. 10am-10pm Hyde Park, Serpentine Road, W2 2UH hydeparkwinterwonderland.com Hyde Park Corner

FREE

January 1. 12pm-1am 44 Essex Road, N1 8LN theoldqueenshead.com Angel

SKATE TOWER OF LONDON Hit the Tower of London Skating Rink for a wintery jaunt on the ice in a historical London setting. £10.50

Open until January 8. 10am-10pm Tower of London, EC3N 4AB toweroflondonicerink.com Tower Hill

GO RUNNING BY THE SERPENTINE HYDE PARK If you’re really up for keeping your resolutions, start 2012 with some vigorous running. There’ll be a 10km and a 3km fun run around the Serpentine lake in Hyde Park, which might be a good place to start a new year fitness kick. There’ll also be prizes for the winners in each age category or team, so it’s a great chance to unleash your competitive side early … or just jog off the alcohol in your system.

January 1. Registration starts at 9am, 10k race 11am, 3k race 12pm Hyde Park serpentine.org.uk Lancaster Gate

THE COMEDY STORE PLAYERS WEST END Belly laugh your way out of the pain of a blinding headache with a start-of-the-year show from the legendary Comedy Store Players. Six top comedians – Paul Merton, Lee Simpson, Andy Smart, Niall Ashdown, Steve Edis and Suki Webster – perform hilarious, satirical and silly improvised sketches, comic dramas and games.

It’s something of a British institution and has been going strong for the past 26 years. Make sure you don’t sit at the front … unless you’re game for getting involved in the show.

HIDDEN CITY’S CRYPTIC COVENT CAPER COVENT GARDEN

£17

January 1. 7.30pm 1 Oxendon Street, SW1Y 4EE thecomedystore.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

WE LOVE CLOSING ELEPHANT & CASTLE Expend your leftover party energy at Ministry Of Sound, with We Love. Groove Armada, Simian Mobile Disco and Joris Voorn will be the night’s highlights, with Closure and PBR Streetgang also on the bill. Be prepared for techno beats ‘til dawn. £20

January 1. 10pm-6am 103 Gaunt Street, SE1 6DP ministryofsound.com Elephant & Castle

Photos: Wendy Gannon, UK.Tillate, Andy Paradise, Getty

£10 The gay superclub celebrates with a safari-themed party at The Coronet Theatre. DJs include Jodie Harsh, Kris Di Angelis, Fat Tony, D’Johnny, Gonzalo Rivas and more. Get your safari gear on.

January 1. 11pm-7am 26-28 New Kent Road, SE1 6TJ coronettheatre.co.uk Elephant & Castle

January 1. Text trails must start between 12-3.30pm BFI Riverfront, SE1 8XT inthehiddencity.com Waterloo

HIT LONDON ZOO REGENT’S PARK

CATCH SOME ART KENSINGTON

If you’ve always meant to visit the zoo, and fancy a bit of animal-based escapism, get outside and wander around.

Everyone will probably be in bed on New Year’s Day, making it a good time to go, if you’ve got the energy.

The legendary penguin house is a must-see.

The V&A will be open, so take the opportunity of a day off to go and get your art fix.

Check out their permanent collections or a temporary exhibition such as Postmodernism: Style and Subversion 1970-1990 or The Power Of Making.

£16.60

WE PARTY LONDON NYD SAFARI ELEPHANT & CASTLE

Wrap up warm and explore the West End’s hidden art, shops and pubs through a series of cryptic clues sent via text from secret text-tour company Hidden City. The game is ideal for a team of two to four people, but if there are more of you, split into two teams and battle it out to see who’s first to get a pint poured at the pub, where you’ll end up at the finish. The trail takes between two and three hours and participants need to sign up online first. No knowledge of the area is needed; just bring your phone and a map to help you out. £16

January 1. 10am-4pm Outer Circle, Regent’s Park, NW1 4RY zsl.org Camden Town

CHOICE FM PARTY GREENWICH

FREE

January 1. 10am-5.45pm Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL vam.ac.uk South Kensington

HOT NATURED NYD PARTY TBA House label Hot Natured play their first UK party, featuring Ali Love, Art Department, Maceo Piex, Miguel Campbell and more. Dressup theme to be announced.

There’s plenty of buzz about Nofitstate’s rave-up. Your partying doesn’t have to stop: carry on here with house and techno acts Geddes, Move D, Bad Passion Project and Julio Bashmore.

January 1. 10pm-6am A secret location hotnatured.com

January 1. 10pm-6am A secret location murmurrecords.com

£8

£15

Hip-hop, urban and RnB fans: head to Choice FM’s NYD party for all-night revelry. £00

January 1. 10pm-6am The indigO2, Millennium Way, SE10 0BB theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

NOFITSTATE SHOREDITCH/ HOXTON

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MYLONDON

FRASER MILLWARD COMEDIAN What baffles me about London is the people. It’s like a massive house party where no one is quite pissed enough to want to talk to anyone else.

London’s best-kept secrets are in the old ‘City of London’. There’s hundreds of narrow passages and pubs and things to see. Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, just off Fleet Street, was rebuilt the year after the great fire of 1666, and was frequented by Charles Dickens. He still drinks there 200 years later. (Lies.)

When I want to chill out, after I’ve had a long, hard day of watching illegal downloads, I head to one of London’s many parks. Greenwich is the best. If you can be bothered to drag your sorry arse up the very steep hill, you’ll be rewarded with the most incredible views of the city.

Need to send money between UK and home?

The most interesting person I’ve met has to be Barry George – the man who was wrongly convicted of murdering of TV presenter, Jill Dando. He was a lovely man, who had been massively let down by the British legal system.

My favourite place for a drink is The Flask in Highgate. I like to fall asleep by the open fire with my arms wrapped around a beautiful girl. So far that’s never happened, but it will.

For when you’re hungover in London get yourself down to Camden Lock and stuff your sorry wasted face with as much Asian food as possible.

What gets me up in the morning? My girlfriend lying on top of my thigh until it goes blue. That and BBC Radio 4. If it’s a bad news day, I tune in to Magic FM. This decision can reduce my heartrate by 50 per cent.

asons Good re tforex: n t e s u to

tes Great ra fees en bank No hidd sactions an tr er s Fast e system use onlin nt Easy to complia lly fu d cure an Safe, se service er om led cust Unrival

My perfect weekend involves escaping London and seeing what the rest of the UK is up to. The most beautiful places to go are the Lake District in the north, and Devon and Cornwall in the south west.

The last naughty thing I did was get on a bus knowing my Oyster card was out of credit. It was declined by the reader, and I performed a false exclamation of surprise and began rooting through my pockets for change.

The driver got bored and let me go on for free. I’ve done this three times now.

Five words that sum up London ... Best. City. In. The. World. frasermillward.com 10

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Cocktails galore: staff are on the ball

BAR

We follow the loud echo of pop music drifting from a cavernous basement bar. Before long there’s a shiny blue party hat upon my head and we’re blasting party poppers at strangers. There’s a Roman goddess kicking up her heels to a Blues Brothers ditty and a rhythmically challenged Santa Claus is stepping on her toes. The bar staff are deliriously happy. They gesticulate at punters and sing loudly to popular choruses. This is the case at both bars; this exposed brick cavelike venue, with oversized lightbulbs dangling on looped red rope, stretches back some way. Adventure bar is the embodiment of fun.

THE GRUB Cocktails are the forte here, not food, so line your stomach elsewhere.

THE SCENE

BEHIND THE BAR Just name a cocktail! I get a caffeine kick first with a Tweeks Coffee – dark spiced rum, shaken with espresso, Kahlua, and maple syrup. Try the Basil Grande, a concoction of strawberries, orange liqueur, raspberry liqueur, cranberry juice and basil and black pepper – it’s intoxicating.

BILL PLEASE This is the sting in the tail. Most cocktails cost £9.20. Ouch! Get your fill in the daily 5-7pm happy hour where you get two for a tenner.

VERDICT I’m blown away by the staff, who have the ability to take several orders on the go. Knock back a few and enter the spirit of this place. It’ll wash your worries away ... until the next morning, anyway. REBECCA KENT

20 Bedford Street, WC2E 9HP

3 OF THE BEST CAKE SHOPS

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adventurebar.co.uk

Covent Garden

KONDITOR & COOK

LOLA’S KITCHEN

MAISON BERTAUX

The creme de la creme of the baking scene, this central London eatery is renowned for its decorations, which range from delicate to zany to downright crude. The cakes are pure indulgence.

Have Lola’s cupcakes delivered from this Primrose Hill shop as a tasty treat for a friend. With varieties like coffee and banana, they’re delicious and look an absolute delight.

Humour the ‘quirky’ staff, sink into the dated decor, soak up the retro ambience, and polish off a coconut macaroon in this old Soho outlet. You’ll soon see what all the fuss is about.

konditorandcook.com

lolas-kitchen.co.uk

maisonbertaux.com

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BITE SIZE

Inventive set up: views are over the courtayard

NYE WITH A TUDOR KING See in 2012 with a new year’s celebration fit for a king. Medieval Banquet is hosting a five-course spread on December 31, hosted by King Henry VIII and his court. You’ll be entertained by knights, troubadours, contortionists, magicians, jugglers, minstrels and medieval tumblers, amid the atmos of merrie olde England. For £110, you get a banquet, including unlimited food and wine, champagne at midnight and dancing ‘til the wee hours. medievalbanquet.com

SCONE TIME, WATSON Celebrating the release of the latest Sherlock Holmes movie, a traditional afternoon tea has been given a super sleuth twist. The Park Plaza Sherlock Holmes hotel is serving up ‘Sherlock Scones’ – tea, jam and cream scones, plus a magnifying glass and clue sheet. The hotel, near Holmes’ former residence at 221b Baker Street, will be producing the 18th-century treats with tea or coffee costing £6.95 until January 31. parkplazasherlockholmes.com

Photos: Thinkstock

PEEING JUST GOT FUN Men, if you’ve got time to explore new drinking spots over the Christmas break, The Exhibit Bar in Balham should keep you entertained. The bar hosts the world’s first pee-controlled video game to test the accuracy of your aim. Choose from three challenges, including Clever Dick, where you aim left or right for the correct answer, and a skiing simulator.

CAPONATA SICILIAN/ITALIAN THE SCENE Caponata’s location just off Camden High Street makes it a little haven away from the area’s chaotic jumble of eateries, pubs, bars and tatoo artists. In fact, the first-floor restaurant’s bustling urban setting makes its wood panelled walls and plastic seating antiseptic by contrast. Downstairs is Osteria, an informal bar/cafe, which opens up to a stunning courtyard featuring a ‘living wall’, carpeted in greenery. It’s attached to a live music venue, The Forge, which Is closed tonight because of a private concert, but usually, drinkers and diners are treated to a tinkling of the ivories.

THE GRUB The kitchen dishes up fantastic Sicilian fare. After nibbling on home made breads, olive oil and vinegar, my partner needs no reminder of why she’s vegetarian after polishing off a caponata – a deliciously cold concoction of sweet and sour aubergines with tomatoes, capers and olives. I also delight in the delicately sweet, herby flavour of my pappardelle with a shredded rabbit meat ragu. The homemade pasta could have been cooked a smidgen longer, but, evidently, the chef errs on the side of undercooking, as a main of roast cod springs in the middle with prod. As for my, almond-crusted lamb chops, I’d repeat the experience over and over. The succulent meat is liberally coated in large nut chunks, giving a juicy, textured bite with every mouthful. We welcome a delicious and uncomplicated sharp lemon mousse encased in a fluffy sponge cake for pudding. But the stand-out is a trio of sorbets – pear, melon and lemon – tasting of pure fruit whipped and frozen. The lemon flavour is electrifying.

We share a bottle of La Segneta Rosso Planeta 2009. There is also an extensive array of cocktails.

BILL PLEASE Antipasti from £5.50; pasta from £10; fish and meat from £19; dessert from £6. A bottle of wine is about £16 and cocktails are from £5.

VERDICT More people deserve to know about this place – it needs the atmosphere.RK BEHIND THE BAR

theexhibit.co.uk 3 Delancey St, NW1 7NL

caponatacamden.co.uk

Camden Town

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TNT CHRISTMAS PARTY ELK BAR Fulham Tuesday, December 20 Photos by: Laila Pacheco / TNT Images

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LONDONSOUND

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Into the future: Ferry Corsten will rock your world

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD 2011 will be remembered for many things. It was the year in which synthpop took over, from the Eightiesinflected drama of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way to the chords of indie bands such as M83 and beyond, covering everything with the neon hue of retrorevisionist homage. It was also the year that indie upstarts The Vaccines broke through in spectacularly speedy fashion.

After featuring high on 2010’s ‘ones to watch’ lists, they released their debut album, it sold by the shedload, and they toured themselves into a year-ending headline show at Brixton Academy. Not bad for a foursome playing to a couple of hundred punters 12 months back. But 2011 will be remembered mostly with thoughts of the late Amy Winehouse, the troubled star who died in July but whose spirit and impact endures, as evidenced by the current crop of successful female singer-songwriters taking the charts by storm.

FULL ON FERRY Brixton Academy SAT, DEC 31 | FROM 9PM | £25

There are no shortage of parties this New Year’s Eve, but Lock N Load’s Full On Ferry Brixton gig is one of the biggest bashes in town and is sure to deliver the goods – but you had better be quick as the last tickets are selling fast.

With the gloriously grandstanding tagline ‘where will you be when we step in to the future?’, Ferry Corsten is not exactly holding back when it comes to expectations and promises. While time travelling itself might be a little far-fetched – who knows though, we’ll have to wait and see – the Dutch progressive trance DJ is set to stun.

Having released his first record at the tender age of 16, and producing under various aliases and guises since, Corsten is no slouch and has grown in stature, presence and impact on his way to one of the biggest names in the world – he is the dance artist with the highest number of singles in the UK charts, for one.

Kicking on under the Corsten moniker since 2003, he has since launched his own radio show and his own label and promises an audiovisual extravaganza to end them all.

Support comes from Dash Berlin, Judge Jules, Richard Durand and Marcel Woods. Bootleg Social host the foyer, the Retox crew are in the circle bar and Spinning Crew will be taking care of the VIPs. As Ferry says, “it’s the biggest date in the clubbing calendar” and “one of the capital’s most iconic venues”, and then there are his aforementioned time-travel plans. 2012 starts here. fullonferrylondon.com

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Brixton

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NEW BAND

ED HARCOURT GIG SAT, DEC 31. FROM 8PM. £10

Mercury Prize-nominated for his debut album, Here Be Monsters, in 2001, singer songwriter Ed Harcourt has delivered the goods, refusing to succumb to the award’s oft-seen career-demiseinvoking curse. He hits the Bull and Gate to draw on his prolific career thus far, and bring the new year in.

Photos: Getty; Mark Hucks

Bull and Gate 389 Kentish Town Road, NW5 2TJ clubfandango.co.uk Kentish Town

BUGGED OUT AND XOYO PRESENT

SLIDE AND GET DIVERTED

CLUB

CLUB

SAT, DEC 31. 9PM-3AM £15

TUES, DEC 27. 8PM. £6

It’s New Year’s Eve – there’s one reason to party.

XOYO is celebrating a year of club nights, shows and gigs – there’s a second. And then there’s The 2 Bears headlining this house/techno/whoknows night (with support from Nathan Detroit, Ben Pistor, and Damon Martin). That’s the third. So what are you waiting for?

House legend Greg Wilson – who was the first person ever to mix live on British TV when he appeared on The Tube in 1983 – takes control of the turntables at this south London bash for the midnight set, with Lower East’s Alexis Raphael in support. The terrace will also be open (and heated) too.

XOYO 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP buggedout.net Old Street

Brixton Clubhouse (formerly Dex) 469 Brixton Road, SW9 8HH brixtonclubhouse.com Brixton

INNER CITY

THE BOOK CLUB

DRUM EYES

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SAT, DEC 31. FROM 9PM £25-45

SAT, DEC 31. 8PM-4PM £20

TUES, DEC 27. 8PM. £6

Proud2 hold their first New Year’s Eve party and they’ve got sterling support for the night’s plethora of festivities, with vocal house troupe Inner City – and 1988 hit Good Life – on hand for a live set in the main room. A three-pronged DJ-led assault kick will start the party across three areas.

The Book Club heads to the birthplace of jazz and rhythm and blues with this Mardi Grasthemed year-ending party. DJ Format heads up the ground floor, the Gypsy blues-styled Congo Faith Healers are live on stage, and the basement recreates the nightlife of New Orleans’ infamous French Quarter.

This Brighton-London-based group, centred around DJ Scotch Egg, plays industrial, primal, gristling electronica that’s percussionled, unsurprisingly, with pulsing basslines and squawking accompaniments. With instrumentation including drums, coronets and Game Boys, think a quirkier, dirtier Holy Fuck.

Proud 2 The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DY proud2.com Canary Wharf

The Book Club 100 Leonard Street, EC2A 4RH wearetbc.com Old Street

The Lexington 96-98 Pentonville Road, N1 9JB thelexington.co.uk Angel

CHAPTER 24 THE BUZZ SO FAR Infused with the high-energy spirit of the riot grrls, but chucked through a blender that injects a dash of twee eccentricity here, a modicum of folk-rockpsychedelia there, an angular art-sensibility, and something downright English too, Chapter 24 are a willfully flamboyant lot. And in frontwoman Claire Smith they’ve got an enigma all of their own. Just don’t say Karen O. THE CRITICS SAY “Claire Smith is clearly as mad as a box of frogs, but is really rather brilliant. Like The Slits playing psychedelic rock – an absolute revelation” NME THE PLUG Wilmington Arms, Jan 20 69 Roseberry Avenue, EC1R 4RL thewilmingtonarms.co.uk Angel Double A-side single Spingle/4454 is out now through Odd Box Records

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tntjobs.co.uk REDBRIDGE TUITION GROUP T: 07927 186902 www.redbridgetuition.co.uk We are an established and highly regarded tutoring service. We offer an encouraging and motivating environment for children to study.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Tutor Location: Barnet Salary: Competitive Qualified teachers with knowledge of 11+ required for one year’s contract to work with us during out of school hours.

Full training and support provided.

Rupa Harji | 07927 186 902 | info@redbridgetuition.co.uk

WIDE RANGE MARKETING SPECIALIST

JOB OF THE WEEK: Office Administration / Admin Assistant Location: Croydon Salary: £14,000 Plus

T: 07961 987997 alexogun@hotmail.co.uk

The candidate needs to be able to work well within a team and have strong communication skills. They will also be expected to hit the ground running, whilst being a quick and efficient learner. Typical Duties: Sort correspondence, Support to the Accounts team, General admin work, Ensuring the office is well stocked, Documentation management, Monitor and help with database and stock management, Meeting, agendas and scheduling

We are a successful and growing business based in Croydon

alexogun@hotmail.co.uk | 07961 987997

INK

JOB OF THE WEEK: Sales Specialist – Media & Advertising

T: 020 7613 8790 / 020 7613 8764 www.ink-global.com

Location: London Salary: £18- £25k + excellent commissions

Ink is a travel media company. We help our customers achieve their commercial objectives by connecting companies with travellers.

Sells every day - Actively and creatively sources potential opportunities - Builds and maintain strong, professional relationships with decision makers - Must have advertising sales experience within the African Market - Demonstrates the value of advertising in our magazine.

South African and African Market

Sally Heathcote | 0207 613 8790 | sally.heathcote@ink-global.com

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Jonathan LaPaglia The Australian actor on parenting responsibilities, changing his accent, and why he’s no longer second to god INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

What was it like working on Australian production The Slap?

We shot in January and finished in April, which was incredibly fast – Australian budgets are a quarter of US ones, so you are scrambling every day. It was fast and furious, but that brings energy which translates to the screen.

Are there any similarities between you and your character Hector?

He’s going through that classic 40-year-old midlife crisis, which is something that I identify with, much to my girlfriend’s disappointment.

Is it difficult playing a horrible character and making him likeable?

It is tricky. Christos’s [Tsiolkas – author of The Slap] writing is unapologetic in its presentation of the characters. Often, people want TV shows to run for several years, so they want the characters to be likeable, but I didn’t feel that pressure here. And Hector is likeable … he just does shitty things. Everyone does, but that is life.

In the series, the character Harry slaps another man’s child – what are your thoughts on this?

I have a seven-year-old daughter and there is no way I could ever consider striking her over any issue – that is not my parenting stance. So I am on the other side to my character Hector: I don’t think it is right. But, the way the story is told, I can see why people empathise with Harry to a degree. The way it is set up; it’s a knee-jerk reaction when he was trying to protect his own kid – I get that on some level.

Is it true that you had to work with an Australian dialect coach on this series?

It is true. I came to the US in ‘94 and it wasn’t beneficial to be Australian then, not like now, where it is all the rage. I would go to auditions and walk in with my Australian accent and then do the audition in American, but they would always go, “That’s good but I can still hear the Aussie accent”. One piece of advice my brother [actor Anthony LaPaglia] gave me was to go in and do the American from the start and when I started doing that I never had that problem again. It was hard to flit between the two accents, though, so I decided to converse every

Hide the accent: Jonathan LaPaglia

day in American and everything got switched over. But then I had the reverse problem on this project.

Do you ever consider moving back to Australia?

Sometimes. I miss the beach culture and the cities and the attitude towards life. Australians work to live, whereas in the States people live to work.

You started out on a different career trajectory …

I used to be a doctor. I graduated in Adelaide and then I travelled for a bit and then moved to Sydney. I had thought about acting since halfway through my medical studies, but kept putting it off. I guess fear was a part of it – what if I failed at it, or worse, I really got into it and loved it?

What was I going to do with medicine? I started taking acting classes at night in Sydney and did that for a couple of years. Then I got this crazy notion that I should study it full time. Within a couple of weeks, I had quit my job and moved to New York. I got my first professional gig on a TV show and it has been rolling since then.

Why did medicine lose your interest?

I graduated high school at 17 but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. How can you expect a 17year-old to know that? They don’t know their

arse from their elbow! I had enrolled in fine arts, I wanted to be a painter or a drawer, but I changed my mind after two weeks. I had a load of buddies going into medicine and I wanted to go to university so I ticked the medicine box. It was that arbitrary, it wasn’t a passion of mine.

Were your family supportive?

Are you kidding me? In my parents world if you are a doctor, you are second to god, so to turn your back on that …! To this day, they still hope I will get over this ‘phase’ and go back to it. My father still introduces me as a doctor. But my brother understood though, because he was a school teacher before he became an actor.

We both transitioned late in life.

Does your medical background help or hinder your acting career?

Five years ago, my people were trying to get me in a medical pilot and they got a lot of responses from the casting people saying, “We just don’t believe that he would be a doctor.” And my people were like: “But he is a doctor!” And then they said I “just don’t look like one”. What does a doctor look like?

The Slap is out on DVD on Jan 2 through Revolver Entertainment

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‘What do you mean, you don’t like Nice biscuits?’

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara | 18 | 158mins

THE ARTIST FILM STARRING: Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo | PG | 100mins

A black-and-white silent film, set in 1920s Hollywood when ‘the talkies’ took over as the dominant form of cinema, The Artist is one hell of a gamble. But it’s one that has paid off in spades for filmmaker Michel Hazanavicius, his daring experiment – a tribute to cinema, a bygone era, and romance – winning accolades at Cannes and wowing filmgoers.

On general release from December 30

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There are those already familiar with the snow-covered, windswept malice of the Vanger family, through Stieg Larsson’s Millenium trilogy and Swedish film adaptations, and this is where David Fincher’s big-budget Hollywood redo comes a cropper. Alone, it is an engaging, effective whodunit seeped in humanity’s propensity for cruelty. But its – very recent – forebears’ shadow is never far away.

Dragon Tattoo follows the investigations of Stockholm journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig, breaking further free from his Bond shackles) and computer hacker Lisbeth Salander (a career-launching turn by Rooney Mara as the black-clad fuck you-attituded ward of the state, more visibly vulnerable than Noomi Rapace’s 2009 take) into the disappearance of a young member of the well-off Vanger clan.

Nazis, incest, sexual violence and corruption all lurk in this family’s closet.

The material is perfect for Fincher, the man who loves ‘movies that scar’. His adaptation has an increased emphasis on the relationship between Mikael and Lisbeth, a welcome surprise that shades Tattoo ’11 differently and which is furthered by the film’s differing closing coda. It’s a stylish thriller that refuses to soften for US audiences the edges of a tale originally called ‘Men Who Hate Women’, but you wonder what the attraction will be for those who know this story already.

Whodunits suffer when you know who’s done it.

GOOD FOR: Millenium trilogy addicts and those who like their thrillers as black as can be

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GIVE US A

NO RIP-OFF NEW YEAR’S EVE

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

This well-respected comedy club eschews walletbusting ticket prices for its New Year Eve shindig and keeps things simple by delivering laughs aplenty. The eminently affordable, cash-crisisfriendly line up includes Alistair Barrie, New York funnyman Lewis Schaffer (right) and Otiz Cannelloni, with MC Ivor Dembina holding fort.

Ha ha!

Hampstead Comedy Club Pembroke Castle, NW1 8JA. Dec 31. £15 hampsteadcomedyclub.co.uk Chalk Farm

THE POWER OF MAKING

NUTCRACKER!

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Making and designing has proved the spirit of human endeavour, which this exhibition celebrates. Showcasing a unique selection of crafted objects skewed towards the random (a gorilla made entirely out of coat hangers, anyone?) this is an exhibition to provoke, inspire and amuse in equal measures.

Classical ballet not for you? This inventive reworking of the seasonal fave makes dance – and Tchaikovsky – as fun and accessible as a Busby Berkeley musical, only with added bite. Instead of the usual house party, director Matthew Bourne gives us a grim Dickensian orphanage where orphan Clara’s Nutcracker doll sweeps her off to a white winter wonderland. LK

Victoria and Albert Museum Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL. Until Jan 2 Free vam.ac.uk South Kensington

Sadler’s Wells Rosebury Avenue, EC1R 4TN. Until Jan 22 From £10 sadlerswells.com Angel

DR BROWN What’s your show about? It’s a life-affirming journey through the trials and tribulations of love in the 21st century.

Is there such a thing as too silly?

A great aunt of mine always said: “Those who succeed, are the ones who believe.” I believe she was right.

Where’s the line between mad and genius? Genius comes naturally, madness takes work.

Describe your dress sense? I love green, black, and orange, and pink, and velvety blue, but I hate colours.

What’s your biggest fear?

Learning how to love myself.

Photos: Peter Cattrell; Getty

The most extravagant thing you have bought? A life-size home.

THE LADY

THE LADYKILLERS

FILM

THEATRE

French director Luc Besson is known for two things: frenetic action flicks (The Transporter series), and films often featuring strong female characters (Leon, Joan Of Arc). His latest is about Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese democracy campaigner who has spent a total of 15 years under house arrest for her views. Jason Statham is nowhere near this one.

Graham Linehan’s (The IT Crowd) stage reworking of the classic 1955 Ealing comedy film has Peter Capaldi’s mob of small-time crooks plot a robbery while masquerading as a string quartet. Clever touches and a handful of running gags make for an enjoyable evening’s entertainment of slapstick and farce. LK

On general release from December 30

Gielgud Theatre W1D 6AR. Until April 14. From £12.50 theladykillers.co.uk Picadilly Circus

What is the weirdest gig you have ever done? I did a gig in a prison cell to just one inmate.

What would you do on a desert island? England is a desert island, minus the heat and sand.

Doctor Brown: Becaves. Jan 16 - 21.

From £10 Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. sohotheatre.com

Tottenham Crt Rd

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SPARETIME

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Carl Cox: All Roads Lead To the Dancefloor

@tntmagazine

Deepak Chopra’s Leela Wii

It’s a fitness trainer for the mind and spirit. £25.48

Multimedia

A website in a USB stick, including the DJ’s first studio album in six years, Chemistry, plus live footage. £17.99 carlcox.com

deepakchopraleela.com

Weird Park: Broken Tune PC CD game

Room for an abandoned theme park, midget jesters, and overweight clown ghosts in your gaming schedule? £7.21 amazon.co.uk

100 Hits New Year’s Eve Party CD

Just hit ‘repeat’. It’ll take the roof off anyone’s shindig. £5.99 amazon.co.uk

NY Times Election 2012 iPhone app

Erin Morgenstern: The Night Circus

The destination for news on the 2012 US presidential election, as it unfolds.

Free itunes.apple.com

Book

A captivating holiday fantasy read about a sensational circus that just mysteriously appears. £7.79 waterstones.com

Evernote Hello iPhone app

Bad at remembering names?

This helps you recognise people you’ve met.

Free itunes.apple.com

David Wills: Marilyn Monroe: Metamorphosis Book

A luminous portfolio of images of the star, some never seen before. £23.34

Bottle opener case iPhone case

bookdepository.co.uk

Team this ingenious invention with an app to count how many beers you crack open. £24.99 Menkind.co.uk

The Devil’s Double DVD

An adaptation of the memoirs by the body double for Uday Hussein. £11.99 play.com

H20 Interval Swim System Gadget

Fasten your iPod to your goggles for a musical swim. £50.00 firebox.com

Misfits – Series 3 DVD

Darker & more dramatic, yet some of the funniest episodes of the Ch 4 show to date. £11.99 amazon.co.uk

App of the Week New Year Countdown ‘12 android app

Much more than a countdown clock (a very attractive one, we might add), this app has sound effects and party noises to boot. £0.62 market.android.com

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Lace leaf tee Dress this up with some glitzy earrings and heels, then you’re ready for a night out.

Penny collar shirt in grey A steal for a smart, slim-fit shirt. Best worn buttoned right up to the top and with brogues and dark jeans.

Men’s lace-up brogues Strut across the dancefloor in ultra-dapper footwear.

primark.co.uk

barratts.co.uk

matalan.co.uk

£8.

SHOPWATCH

00

0 8.0

£

.00

£10

MAMBO LONDON

Hooray! Aussie streetwear gem Mambo is finally gracing London, with an independent store in Covent Garden. Get your fix of tees, hoodies, shorts, swimwear and accessories, with Mambo’s graphic design-focused casual daywear. Since 1984, the brand has been passionately arty about its clothes and the latest lines show its staying true to its roots.

In store, you’ll find plenty of new “art-on-a-shirt” designs, fruit prints and on-trend harem-style joggers, as well as cosy polar fleece jackets to keep you ticking over through the cold spells. The store’s a work of art too, with a huge stroke of cartoon-style window-art genius by Mambo T-shirt artist Australian Reg Mombassa, showing an alien worshipped for his electric guitar skills.

OPEN 9.30am-7pm daily COST T-shirts from about £20, hoodies from about £60 mambo.com.au 15-16 Thomas Neal Centre, 35 Earlham Street, WC2H 9LD TEL 020 7379 6066 Covent Garden

asda.com

00

£7.

99

Silver trim party dress Essex it up in this shimmering green number this NYE.

99 £2.

amazon.co.uk

primark.co.uk

£2.

99 £3.

BREO bright orange silicone watch You really won’t want to miss midnight and if you go raving, this waterproof cheapie might be a good idea.

Black skinny tie And edgy addition to a smart get-up – keep your jacket on.

NYE for £10 or less

Floral feather earrings Style up in this season’s feather trend, and then give your outfit a flash of girliness.

Wear with a leather jacket and black wedges.

prodigyred.com

£8.

00

.00

£10

Peep-toe heels Wear these with red painted nails to really glam up. newlook.com

Envelope clutch Complete your ensemble with this smart, compact bad boy. peacocks.co.uk

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LIFESTYLESHOPPING CLASS OF THE WEEK

CHEERLEADING “Give me a T. Give me an N. Give me a T. Gooooooooooo TNT!” Cue pom pom, squeals, flying leaps and hair flicks. You can’t say you’ve never watched an American sports film and, in the depths of your desire, there wasn’t a faint urge to bend, snap and shake – all while doing your hair – like the foxy young cheerleaders on the sidelines. It could be time to entertain the urge. Cheerleading Company holds a drop-in class for beginners each Saturday, so you can learn the ins and outs and the rattle and shakes of all styles of the danceform, including Varsity Cheer, Pro Style Pom Pom Dance, Stunting, and Cheerobics. This is a no-strings-attached class, easily taken to the next level if you really into it. With all the tumbling, stunts and jumps involved (at the higher levels, anyway) it’s unsurprising the documented benefits of this sport include improved muscular strength, stamina, flexibility and coordination. The organisers of this class also describe it as sociable and glamorous, and they run cheerleading hen parties, which suggests this is an active pursuit that’s a whole lot of fun. £10.00

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Hit the sales Overcome January bargain shopping fear, get those elbows ready and sniff out decent finds WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Sales shopping is, generally speaking, carnage. But it’s also the best time to pick up fashion deals. So, take a deep breath and get ready to do battle with a city full of angry bargain hunters – here’s our guide to searching out fashion steals.

Plan your trip Make a list of what you want to buy. Anna Sandler, style director of fashion advice website stylelogue.co.uk, recommends splitting this into three columns – one for things you really need, a second for things you like but don’t really need and a third for luxuries you just really want. Stick to the first column if your budget is tight, but if you have a little more to play with then move up to two with a cheeky smattering of items from column number three.

Timing is key. Prices go down by another 20-30 per cent at the end of sales, but there’s more choice at the start so you’re more likely to snare something you’ve liked for ages.

Think before you buy Is the item perfect? If it is, that’s great. If not, consider ditching it. Because, says Sandler, “it’s not a bargain if you never cut the label off”. Sales items aren’t always refundable, so decide carefully.

Keep the “need vs want” rule firmly in mind when shopping; if it’s not something you need, think carefully before you buy it or you’ll end up overspending.

And make sure you check what you’re buying isn’t faulty – sometimes this is why it’s cheap. It’s also worth double-checking the size, as stock gets messy and clothes can end up on the wrong hangers.

Helen Gunter, spokesperson for TK Maxx, has four questions she asks herself when she’s hunting through the sales: • Does the price represent real value?

• How much will I wear it and will that be worth it in terms of cost per wear?

• Will it lose its shape/colour in the wash?

• Is it made with quality fabrics?

Pineapple Dance Studios, Covent Garden, WC2H 9JA cheerleadingcompany.co.uk Covent Garden

Dress comfortably: it’s a jungle out there 24

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Bargains galore: but don’t break the bank

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LIFESTYLEBEAUTY LOOKING GOOD

Yes to Carrots cleanser Smells and feels amazing £9.99 victoriahealth.com

Prioritise: know your ‘needs’ from your ‘wants’

And think outside the box If you’ve got an artistic streak, try a bit of customising. Hannah Buckley, founder of misshighstreet.com says: “Don’t be scared of customising clothes you spot in the sales. Not a Gok Wan-style makeover, just subtle DIY tweaks. Buttons on a cardigan can make a huge difference – grab a bargain blazer with brash buttons, replace with vintage versions and hey presto!”

Even if you can’t be trusted with a needle and thread, bigger sizes can be tailored professionally for about £10, which still may work out as a bargain.

Where to shop Most shops will open bright and early on Boxing Day, so get up early. Here are our top five places to hunt for bargains in London: 1. It’s Christmas. It’s cold. It’s OK to want everything under one roof. Head to Westfield in Shepherd’s Bush (it won’t be as packed as its younger buddy in Stratford) for

discounts on high street favourites like H&M, Dune and All Saints, Next and Topshop.

2. For men’s and women’s shoes, hit Office, which will be treating shoppers to a generous 60 per cent off.

3. St Christopher’s Place in the West End is filled with boutiques that are, for the rest of the year, a bit pricey. Now high-end high street steals from Marimekko, Kookai, The Kooples, Reiss and Whistles are within reach.

4. Probably the only time you can justify heading into the iconic but pricey department store – Regent Street’s Liberty will have up to 60 per cent off its luxury fashion and home swag.

5. Make sure you get to House of Fraser for a tidy 50 per cent off womenswear and 40 per cent off NEXT WEEK menswear. Stores are all over London Sticking to new but Oxford Street year’s resolutions has the biggest.

Along Came Betty shower gel Bathtime just got retro £2.99 tesco.com

Paperself peacock lashes Some post-Christmas fantasy £12.50 paperself.com

Photos: Getty

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tntjobs.co.uk CHEZ BRUCE www.chezbruce.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chef de Partie Location: Wandsworth Common Salary: On experience

Multi award winning, Michelin starred restaurant (part of the small group which includes Michelin starred establishments La Trompette and The Glasshouse).

Chez Bruce is recruiting its kitchen brigade. We are looking for a CHEF DE PARTIE. This is a rare opportunity to join a team of like-minded professionals with excellent working conditions. Experience is essential. Salaries are very competitive and dependent upon experience.

Please send CV to: mattchristmas@chezbruce.co.uk

CLASSROOM LIMITED T: 020 7636 0600 www.classroomteachers.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Year 3 Classroom Teacher opportunity – February start Location: South London Salary: Depending upon experience

Classroom is an established recruitment services provider, providing exceptional levels of service. Our dedicated teams of consultants have a wealth of teaching expertise and

This fantastic South London primary school are looking for a motivated and talented Year 3 teacher to fill a maternity leave cover beginning in February 2012.

The successful candidate will boast solid experience in teaching KS2, exceptional adaptability and excellent and creative classroom management.

Nicole Morgan-Cole | Tel: 020 7636 0600 | nicole@classroomteachers.co.uk

PPA EDUCATION LTD T: 020 7421 4999 www.ppaeducation.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Early Years Foundation Stage Coordinator Location: East London Salary: Upwards of £35k

PPA Education provides teaching and support staff to schools to schools across all ages In London and the surrounding areas.

PPA Education is working with an Outstanding School in East London to source a Qualified Teacher to lead the Early Years Foundation Stage.

This will be a one year contract.

James Murphy | 0207 421 4999 | james@ppaeducation.com

ARBORAIL INDUSTRIES LIMITED T: 07715 33290

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chainsaw Operators Location: Merstham, Surrey Salary: On Application

Aussie run Arboricultural company based in Merstham, Surrey. Vegetation Clearance and Maintenance. Looking for hard working individuals with experience.

Chainsaw Tickets or experience in this field. We work on Network Rail sites therefore must have or, be prepared to obtain a Personal Track Safety card to work with us.Please enquire for further details..

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Trainee and Experienced Recruiters (Construction) Location: Central London Salary: £20-25k p.a.

T: 020 7248 0000 www.danielowen.co.uk

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Established for over 25 years, Daniel Owen is a successful recruitment agency focused on construction industry staffing. We provide White collar staff to the construction industry.

Bright and enthusiastic Trainees wanted for central London Construction Recruitment Agency. Full training and warm desks given to people who are comfortable in a sales environment and have an interest in the construction industry. Excellent earning opportunities & fun environment.

Kevin Parsons | 020 7248 0000 | kevin.parsons@danielowen.co.uk

SLIM JIMS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Membership Sales Advisor Location: Slim Jims Broadgate Circus Salary: £2k per month (O.T.E)

T: 020 7247 9982 www.slim-jims.co.uk Slim Jims is the longest standing Health Club in The City. We have a great team , great members and great facilities.

January is the time gyms in The City are at their busiest and we need someone to help us out in selling the Club to potential new member, you must be articulate, energetic, friendly, honest and able to sell. Experience in a health club environment ideal but not essential. Temp contract. Proof of legal ability to work in the uk will be requested. ian.hassett@theplaygategroup.co.uk

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

JOBS

2011 A YEAR IN REVIEW WORDS TOM STURROCK

NEWS | SPORT | CELEBRITY

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London burned during the riots

Not even the most accurate of psychics could have foreseen the events of 2011. Twelve months ago, who would have envisaged millions of oppressed Arabs finally rising up and smashing the shackles of dictatorship throughout the Middle East? Who would have put money on the US assassinating mortal enemy Osama bin Laden after 10 years of hunting?

And who would have guessed that Shane Warne would start dating the smoking-hot bird from Austin Powers and begin to resemble a drag queen as a result?

2011 was one hell of a year – 365 days featuring riots, natural disasters, premature deaths and sporting ups and downs. Here, we relive our pick of the events that shaped our world, for better and for worse.

Riots grip the UK Ostensibly, the riots that scarred the UK in August were sparked by the police shooting of Mark Duggan during a botched arrest in Tottenham Hale. But, within days, the riots had spread to different corners of London – Brixton, Bayswater, Hackney, Clapham, Peckham – and beyond.

Whatever the cause – some saw it as criminal opportunism, others as the dispossessed kicking against the system – it was clearly not confined to the city’s northern boroughs.

Stores were looted and set alight; police cars were torched and the Met seemed powerless to contain the crowds, the illusion of law and order stripped away entirely. Those who were apprehended and convicted of offences received harsh sentences, but the root causes of the riots remain undiagnosed, let alone seriously addressed.

‘Did you smash it?’

In January, Sky Sports pundits Richard Keys and Andy Gray found themselves in a firestorm of their own making after they were recorded agreeing that assistant referee Sian Massey couldn’t possibly understand the offside rule because, 28

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“Women don’t know the offside rule”. Outrage ensued and more footage emerged of the pair chatting off-air, but with their mics turned on. Keys was recorded in conversation with former player Jamie Redknapp, talking about his exgirlfriend and asking whether he had “smashed it”, before apparently going on to offer his own answer: “Mind you, that’s a stupid question, if you were anywhere near it, you definitely smashed it. You could have gone round there any night and found Redknapp hanging out the back of it.”

Harry Potter’s final curtain call It was more than 10 years ago that the first Harry Potter film arrived on the big screen and this year, the franchise, having grossed almost US$8bn (£5.12bn), drew to a close.

The seven books spawned eight films – the final instalment, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, split into two movies to wring the maximum drama and takings. Since the first book was published 1997, Harry Potter has ballooned into a remarkable publishing phenomenon and, although plenty have pooh-poohed the whole thing – too derivative, not literary enough – the final film, released in July, earned better reviews than any of its forerunners. The last scenes, in which Harry throws down against Lord Voldemort while Hogwarts lies smouldering, provided a suitably epic climax to a saga that has captured the imaginations of millions.

Uncle Sam gets its man For years, US military personnel insisted Osama bin Laden was either dead already or hiding in a cave somewhere.

But, in May, members of the super-secret, super-elite SEAL Team Six found him living in relative luxury in a compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, within sight of the country’s main military academy. The Clinton administration tried to catch Bin Laden and failed; the Bush administration gave up, renewed the pursuit after 9/11 and then pretty much gave

up again – it fell to a president who, according to his most vituperative critics, was a secret Muslim who was soft on terrorists to catch the man held responsible for the attacks of the World Trade Center in 2001.

The rise of Novak Djokovic

THE ARAB SPRING

It is wrong to say Djokovic came from the clouds to win three of tennis’s four majors, usurping Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer to become the sport’s dominant player. It is wrong, because Djokovic had been an outstanding player for several years. That said, the impetus with which he cleared that final hurdle, burning off two of the all-time greats, was still dramatic. Federer and Nadal were always going to be surpassed one day, but it could easily have been by a bunch of faceless, topspin-heavy baseliners. Instead, it was by a man who has learned from the masters and, by combining Federer’s all-court game and composure with Nadal’s sheer grunt and athleticism, has further elevated the sport en route to becoming the best player in the world.

Shane 4 Liz What do we call this celebrity couple? Liane? Shiz? Warley?

Hmmm – can’t see those sticking. Given Warnie’s bogan leanings, though, there’s every chance that, should they procreate, these could be potential names for their kids.

It’s only 12 months since the first indications that these two had been getting it on but, in October, Shane popped the question and now they’re getting hitched. Since those opening fumbles, Shane and Liz have been tweeting madly about their blossoming love and Warne (below) is a new man – thanks, supposedly, to male skincare products from Estée Lauder. The highlight – or lowlight – of their courtship was probably the media scrum that gathered outside Warne’s Melbourne home leading up to one of Liz’s visits; in full glare, Warne, ever the gentleman, arranged for a new mattress to be delivered.

Aussies lead world on carbon tax Julia Gillard government’s decision to pass a landmark carbon tax was the biggest political story to come out of Australia this year, and is one that will have repercussions all the way through to the next election in 2013. The tax, passed in October, will be levied on dirty industries and some of those costs will be passed on to the general public – the average household is estimated to incur extra costs of $10 (£6) per week. But households in low- and middleincome brackets will be subsidised with $15bn (£9bn) worth of tax-breaks during the next three years. For those who believe that governments must intervene to make it more expensive for high-emission industries to do business, it was a courageous step in the right direction.

Rory McIlroy’s record win It was bumper year for British golf, Englishmen Luke Donald and Lee Westwood occupying first and third spots on the world rankings and Northern Irishman Rory McIlroy splitting the pair in third. It was, of course, McIlroy’s recordbreaking triumph at the US Open in June which delivered the year’s biggest surprise and the most vivid indication of McIlroy’s sky-high potential. At 22, he was the youngest winner since 1923 and, ››

Egyptian protesters in Tahrir Square The revolution that convulsed the Middle East and north Africa – from Tunisia, to Egypt, to Libya, to Bahrain and on to Syria – was the biggest political story of the year, but the long-term implications of the so-called Arab Spring are still unclear. Indeed, there are radical differences between the countries and in the range of possible outcomes in each.

The tinderbox was first lit in Tunisia at the end of last year when Mohamed Bouazizi, a street vendor frustrated by the corrupt government, set himself on fire; subsequent protests ended the regime of president Ben Ali. Egypt followed, with 18 days of protest forcing the resignation of president Hosni Mubarak after 32 years in charge. In both countries, the overthrow of the old regimes opened the way for Islamist parties to fill the vacuum and, in Egypt, a second revolution may be required to prise the levers of the state out of the hands of the armed forces.

In Libya, civil war, with western powers intervening on the side of the rebels, was required to overthrow Muammar Gaddafi and, for six months, fighting continued throughout the country before the regime capitulated and Gaddafi himself was captured and killed. Mustafa Abdul Jalil, the leader of the Libyan rebels, is the country’s caretaker head-of-state but whether a new civil society can be fused from the ruins of the old one remains to be seen.

In Syria, uprisings continue despite brutal repression authorised by president Bashar al-Assad.

Even if his regime is doomed, as it appears to be, there is more bloodshed to come and, at the end of it, the Shia majority may be unwilling to reconcile with the Alawite minority.

These variations in local power structures, bound to ethnicity and tribe, mean there is no guarantee that, once this seismic recalibration of the Arab world’s politics is complete, autocratic rulers will have been replaced with representative democracy or that these countries will even survive in their current borders.

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institutions whose egregious risk-taking sowed the seeds of the global financial crisis be held accountable. Their mantra – “We are the 99 per cent” – spread like wildfire and other Occupy demonstrations sprung up in other cities around the world. In London, protesters camped outside St Paul’s cathedral, claiming sacrifices, in the form of public-spending cuts, are being extracted disproportionately from those least able to bear them and that the influence of corporate wealth on electoral politics is profoundly undemocratic.

Protesters were evicted in most US cities and, in London, their presence forced the clergy to re-examine their own values. Undoubtedly, a spark has been lit.

Steve Jobs passes away

Charlie Sheen

Amy Winehouse

A computer whiz with a flair for design, Jobs profoundly changed the face of communication technology – when he died of pancreatic cancer, aged 56, in June, geeks all over the world lost their most influential standard-bearer. Jobs co-founded Apple in the 1970s with Steve Wozniak but, after falling out with the board, struck out on his own in 1985.

But, by the late Nineties, Jobs was back at Apple, where he became CEO in 2000 and oversaw the development of the iMac, iTunes, iPod, iPhone, and iPad and the company’s retail stores. Although Jobs earned only $1 a year as CEO of Apple, he held 5.426 million Apple shares, as well as 138 million shares in Disney, which he received in Disney’s acquisition of Pixar, which he also co-founded.

Amy Winehouse dies

Occupy activists in London in finishing -16, came in further under-par than any other player in history. The rest of his year was slightly indifferent by comparison – he injured his wrist and appeared all at sea in tough conditions at The Open – but his performance in Maryland ensures he will be one of the most closely watched golfers in years to come.

Charlie Sheen goes off the rails Sheen began the year as the highest-paid actor in television for his leading role in Two And A Half Men but, after being packed off to rehab, he decided he’d had enough of towing the line. In February, in an interview with US network ABC, Sheen, having spoken about the tiger blood in his veins and the magic in his fingertips, spewed forth some of the year’s most quotable quotes, including, “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’” And, when questioned about his substance use, Sheen replied, “I blinked and I cured my brain”. He was replaced on his show by Ashton Kutcher, but, in the eyes of the millions who followed him on Twitter, Sheen was still “winning”.

Occupy movement catches on In September, protesters from the Occupy movement set up camp in Wall Street, New York, demanding the financial 30

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Winehouse’s singular talent helped reinvigorate British music after the Nineties’ explosion of Britpop and blaze a new trail for female singer-songwriters in this country. Her powerful vocals and willingness to fuse RnB with soul and jazz made her the perfect antidote to manufactured pop tarts but, for years, stories emanating from Camden painted a disturbing picture of Winehouse’s substance abuse. Her appearance changed alarmingly; her live gigs were often erratic; and she was hospitalised following overdoses and mental health issues. And then, in July, she was found dead in her home, the coroner determining alcohol poisoning as the cause. If her death, at age 27, did not come as a complete surprise, it was no less sad a loss for those who loved her music.

Cadel Evans wins Tour de France There are few more unforgiving sporting events than the Tour de France and Evans looked condemned to finished his career as a nearly-man after placing second in the general classification in 2007 and 2008 before falling away in the subsequent years. But, in July, the 34-year-old Australian became one of the oldest winners in history and the oldest in the post-war era. For once, Evans had a team capable of supporting him and that proved vital as he was forced to hold off the Schleck brothers and three-time champion Alberto Contador, whose horror Tour seemed just deserts for a man with a questionable doping record. Evans does not have the gregarious personality of Australia’s favourite sportsmen but his feat was one of the all-time great performances by an Australian athlete.

Foxy Knoxy off the hook In October, four years after her flatmate, Meredith Kercher, was brutally killed in her bedroom, Amanda Knox walked free, her murder conviction overturned. According to police in the Italian town of Perugia, Knox, now 24, and her one-time boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito, along with a local

Clockwise: the aftermath in Christchurch; Amanda Knox after being freed; England celebrate winning the Ashes homeless man, Rudy Guede, had slashed Kercher’s throat in a violent sex game. There were, undoubtedly, improprieties in the case against Knox and Sollecito and, as such, the prosecution’s evidence was eventually deemed insufficient to support a conviction. Still, the nagging question remains – no, not ’did Foxy Knoxy do it?’, but rather, ‘who will pay her in the inevitable Hollywood biopic?

Christchurch torn apart In February, New Zealand was struck by its worst natural disaster, a 6.2-magnitude earthquake that ripped through Christchurch, claiming 181 lives and inflicting about NZ$30bn (£14.7bn) worth of damage. So far, more than 1200 buildings have been demolished and Christchurch’s city centre has ground to a halt as a consequence.

The Rugby World Cup matches that had been fixtured for Christchurch were relocated because of the damage incurred by AMI Stadium, and before rebuilding could begin, the salvage and clean-up went on for months. The New Zealand Defence Force staging its largest operation on home soil, providing logistics, equipment, transport, evacuations and support to other agencies.

Poms’ Ashes romp sets the tone The damage was done by the end of 2010 but the last rites were delayed until January. And it set the tone – England went on to conquer all before them en route to becoming the world’s No 1 Test side for the first time, although 50-over cricket remained a mystery. Australia,

meanwhile, after appointing Michael Clarke as captain but allowing Ricky Ponting to play on, regained a measure of respect by beating Sri Lanka and managing a miraculous draw against South Africa, before losing a Test to New Zealand on home soil for the first time in 26 years. On the upside, Australia have managed to uncover some promising youngsters, raising hopes that 2012 will be rather less fretful.

A bit on the side?

Ever since England captain John Terry’s superinjunction preventing media reporting his affair with the ex-girlfriend of a teammate was lifted at the start of 2010, the tabloid press have been snooping around for their next big fish. And, in Manchester United veteran Ryan Giggs, they hooked a monster. Initially, they had to tiptoe around identifying Giggs but the allegation that he had an affair with Imogen Thomas (left), a former Miss Wales and Big Brother contestant, was soon republished on Twitter before being made, and then made, in May, under parliamentary privilege, in the House of Commons. A custom-made red-top scandal, the episode illuminated the use and misuse of superinjunctions.

Do they have valid applications or are they merely levers for wealthy footballers to suppress details of their infidelities? ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

31

PHONE-HACKING

Finally, the All Blacks win the World Cup All Blacks win the Rugby World Cup The All Blacks may have been perpetually excellent for as long as anyone can remember but they’ve always managed to make a hash of it at the World Cup. This time around, though, in front of an adoring home crowd and despite losing star flyhalf Dan Carter to injury, there was no such self-destruction. They flirted with it against the French in October’s final, which was far closer than anyone expected.

In the end, for all the reliability of Richie McCaw and Kieran Reid and Jerome Kaino, it fell to the much-maligned Stephen Donald, the fourth-choice flyhalf, to kick the decisive points.

Japan hit by quake, tsunami and meltdown In March, after Japan was rocked by its most powerful earthquake, which measured 9.0 on the richter scale, its coast was battered by tsunamis, waves reaching heights of 40m in some places. The initial damage was severe enough but the situation became even more perilous when cooling systems at the Fukushima nuclear power plant shut down.

Although the plant leaked radiation into the air, nuclear catastrophe was largely averted and the engineers, known as the Fukushima 50, who stayed on base to stabilise the plant emerged as heroes. In the final analysis, nearly 16,000 people died, with hundreds of thousands more affected, and overall costs could yet exceed US$300bn (£192bn).

The royal wedding Undoubtedly, the hype was over-the-top and induced wedding fatigue in plenty of people. But, in April, the crowds dutifully descended on Westminster Abbey to watch Prince William get hitched to Kate Middleton. About one million people lined the route between the abbey and Buckingham Palace, with millions of others glued to TVs around the world. And afterwards, almost as though the tabloid press realised it might be unbecoming to ogle the future queen, they settled on the next-best thing, elevating Pippa Middleton’s arse to the status of national treasure.

The whiff of dodginess about the UK tabloid press is nothing new and, certainly, claims that the News Of The World had overstepped the mark while trailing celebrities had been hanging around for ages.

No one seemed to care too much, apart from the celebrities – the public, by and large, saw it as part of the Faustian pact between famous people and the media.

By the public mood underwent a seismic shift when, in July, The Guardian reported that Glenn Mulcaire, a private investigator hired by the News Of The World, had, in 2002, hacked into the voicemail of missing teenager Milly Dowler, whose body was found six months later.

The claim brought unprecedented pressure to bear on Rupert Murdoch’s News International, the proprietors of News Of The World, which was closed as a result.

Murdoch and his son, James, then appeared before a Parliament committee to answer questions about the extent of phone-hacking at their papers and how much they knew about the practice at the time. In a bizarre sideshow to proceedings, Murdoch Sr, who appeared to know little about the way his papers were run, had a shaving-cream pie smashed in his face by an activist.

The fall-out from the phone-hacking scandal continues in the form of the Leveson inquiry into the ethics of the British press – whatever the upshot, politicians from both parties once curried favour with the Murdoch empire but that level of influence will never be restored.

Eurozone crisis

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Pippa Middleton

Photos: Getty

There had been signs of trouble in Greece for the past two years. But, by May, Greece’s debt had continued to soar and its credit rating had been downgraded to CCC, the worst in the world, and the government’s move to impose sweeping austerity measures provoked angry protests. To varying degrees, Ireland, Portugal, Italy, Spain and Belgium became embroiled in the sovereign debt crisis, prompting some economists to call for the Eurozone, with its shared currency, to be disbanded. Governments scrambled to stabilise the regional economy, leading to the Brussels summit earlier this month, where, by rejecting certain financial regulations as part of a new EU treaty, David Cameron isolated the UK from the rest of Europe. ❚

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TURKEY TIME Sellers display turkeys at the Christmas Poultry Auction at Murton Livestock Centre in York, England. It is reported that UK consumers will likely spend more than £300m on turkey over the festive season.

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Saddle up and get lost in a wild corner of England. Just make sure you can find your way out.

The Lebanese capital is best known for its brutal history, but it’s also party central for the region’s beautiful young things.

Eco-travel isn’t just trendy; it’s something we should all be striving for as we wander the globe. Here’s where to start.

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Isolated: cycle through an enchanting wilderness just hours from London

EAT, DRINK SLEEP

New Forest ENGLAND

UNITED MAP KINGDOM

REQUEST LONDON PLEASE!

The New Forest

GETTING THERE South West trains run services to Brockenhurst from Waterloo. The journey is roughly 1hr 40 mins and tickets cost from £9 one way. (southwesttrains.co.uk)

The serenity: beach huts line the coast

A sprawling attraction, the Beaulieu estate contains a motor museum, a 13th century abbey and palace, and the largest collection of James Bond cars in the world. You can get around it all in an old open-top London bus, or monorail. Tickets cost £19. (beaulieu.co.uk) Set back from the road and into the forest, The Oak is a true hidden gem, with great seafood to boot. (fullers.co.uk) You’ll need a car, or strong walking boots, to find The High Corner Inn in Ringwood, but the serenity and pub fare will be worth it. (highcornerinn.co.uk) Wellies, walking boots, and dogs are welcome at the Drift Inn on Beaulieu Road. (driftinn.co.uk) Grab some mates and cram into a caravan or cabin at Shorefield Holiday Park, on 100 acres in Milford on Sea. A good base for forest exploration if you can get away from the tennis courts, spa, gym, or bar! Three nights minimum stay from £123. (shorefield.co.uk)

A free land: the New Forest’s ponies are without a care 36

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Beautiful Beaulieu

A 17th-century beamed forester’s lodge, The Cottage Lodge in Brockenhurst has a roaring open fire to rest at after an active day. £110pn. (cottagehotel.org)

UKTRIP

Fine forest Saddle up and get lost in a wild corner of England. Just make sure you find your way out

Photos: TNT

WORDS REBECCA KENT

I’ve only cycled five miles from my accommodation, snuggled in the bewitching woodland of the New Forest.

Yet, just when I think I’ve left London’s customary congestion and sea of brake lights far, far away, I screech to a halt behind what looks suspiciously like congestion and a sea of brake lights. Oh bother! I’d been giddy at the thought of my impending adventure, leaving the big smoke for a 22-mile cycle route through the woodland and valley bogs. But as the traffic begins to slacken to a crawl, imaginings of dancing with wildlife and wading through ancient foliage bleach out. Could the rest of London have had the same idea?

Thankfully not. I inch to the front of the traffic and find the chaos comes down to a herd of wild ponies gathered on a b-road. There are scores of them, unperturbed, unflinching and, dare I say, obnoxious.

But it’s a captivating sight. In this lost world on England’s south coast, home to the country’s largest remaining tracts of unenclosed pasture land, heathland and forested plains, ponies roam free. They co-exist with locals and visitors alike who come here to explore a sumptuous playground of green, dotted with quaint villages and criss-crossed with cycling and walking trails for the adventurous likes of, well, me.

Leaving traffic nightmares behind, I set off on my mountainbike from Brockenhurst, a charming forest village of thatched cottages, historic pubs and loitering donkeys, and delve into the wood along the ‘old railway route’, a 21-mile track deemed suitable for the ‘slightly more adventurous’.

The path meanders along a winding network of gravel and dirt tracks, and, when I can eventually resist stopping every few metres to pat roaming equines and take photos, the landscape is exciting and diverse. Butterflies flutter bravely about my nose, and tall woods give way to flat sandy trails and knobbled hills, which then open into expanses of bold, green pasture.

After a break (and a beer), I push off through the Deer Fields and Bolderwood Ornamental Drive, home to the Knightwood Oak, said to be the forest’s largest and oldest tree. From here ... well, it is anyone’s guess. Late afternoon has set in and I have well and truly trailed off the map.

My butt shifts uncomfortably in my saddle and frustration

runs high. The more I try to navigate my way back to Brockenhurst, the more my ‘slightly more adventurous’ 22-mile route becomes a ‘slightly painful, temper-fraying 30-mile punishment’. I am isolated, without a GPS or a soul in sight. Am I in Scotland?

I crank my bike into gear to take on a bumpy hill. To my delight, a young woman on horseback appears at the crest.

I beg for directions. I’d beg for a lift, but horseback isn’t exactly a more favourable option.

“Can you go through streams?” she asks. At this point I am so knackered I could probably summon the power to

“

Butterflies flutter bravely about my nose

”

walk on water if it meant getting back. So I reach the water in a cloud of dust, having ripped at backbreaking speed down a stony embankment riven with crevices.

I take a flying leap across the water – or at least I try to.

When my bike leaves me and I take a dip, my cursing can be heard echoing though the hills.

Back on route – one route or another, anyway – I end up on a country lane, taking solace in the signs of civilisation.

Staring perplexed at a T-junction, an old dear with gardening gloves and a pitchfork appears for help. I hear her life story, the details of her hip replacement, and how long it takes her to clean her dentures in the morning, then she sends me on my way – the right way – labouring with every push of the pedal, into the sanctuary of Brockenhurst.

NEXT WEEK Eventually, I arrive and like the ponies can roam free – although Detox breaks to start 2012 well walking rather awkwardly, I’ll admit. ❚ Bike hire costs £15 per day from Cyclexperience, New Forest Cycle Hire Downside car park, Brockenhurst train station, SO42 7TW newforestcyclehire.co.uk

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37

TOP FIVE

BUDGET SKI HOLIDAYS

CHECKING IN

ARS HOSTEL & BAR OVERVIEW Krakow is a town littered with hostels, and yet Ars Hostel & Bar stands out for the uberfriendly staff and clean digs. There are three-, four-, six-, seven-, and 10-bed dorms available, all for an exceptionally reasonable price that includes a free breakfast of cereal, yoghurt and buterbrod (aka, cold cuts and bread), not to mention more free advice than you could shake a pierogi at. On our visit, the staff were eager to recommend bars, restaurants and clubs, and pointed us in the direction of an incredibly informative free tour of the city. Plus, the location is a threeminute walk to Wawel Hill; talk about handy.

WOW FACTOR Guests are treated to free welcome shots of cherry vodka, and on most nights the bar downstairs dishes out a complimentary nightcap (we consider turning down Polish vodka, a crime as egregious as rejecting French cheese).

ROOMS The dorms are basic, but they’re kept clean, and they smell nice. Guests get a private locker and key to store their stuff during the day. Bathrooms are down the hall, but these too feel freshly scrubbed.

BILL PLEASE Dorms start at £6.05pn, including breakfast.

ul. Koletek 7, Krakow, Poland arshostel.pl +48 12 422 36 59

00 38

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BANSKO, BULGARIA

Bansko is arguably the jewel in the crown of the budget skiing mecca of Eastern Europe. Centred on a pretty medieval town, Bulgaria’s biggest ski resort has 65km of pistes to explore for jittery first-timers and pros alike, with the benefit of a long ski season from December to May. Of course, the resort earns this place on the page because it’s cheap. A sixday lift ticket costs £125, and a basic lunch for two at Banderiza, or ‘beer barrel’, at the gondola summit, costs little more than a tenner, and that’s including a bottle of red wine.

Not only super-affordable, Bansko is also gloriously uncrowded and boasts a new state-of-the-art lift system. Lower runs travel through the trees, and there’s open bowl skiing at

the top, plus slalom runs and a cross country track stretching 5km.

Away from the mountains, the town has many cultural monuments and historic sites to discover, making a trip here much more than just a ski break.

The Pirin National Park, slightly further afield, is a Unesco World Heritage site home to epic limestone mountainscapes, glacial lakes, waterfalls and caves.

Most of the après-ski is provided by 100 traditional taverns called mehanas, each with “greeters” dressed in national costume beckoning tourists to enter. Enjoy food, wine, and live folk music. If that doesn’t float your boat, the clubbing scene rocks, too. bulgariaski.com

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BRIDES-LES-BAINS, FRANCE

Just a 25-minute gondola ride from the heart of Meribel, here you can access the amazing skiing of the Three Valleys – without the price tag.

Brides-Les-Baines is a picturesque alpine valley town, directly linked to Europe’s skiing haven, spanning 600km of pisted runs for every level of skier or boarder. Try the budget eatery, the Cactus Café at the Chaudanne, Méribel’s main ski lift area. A six-day lift pass costs £165. es3vallees.com

4

BUDGET SKI HOLIDAYS

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SÖLL, SKIWELT, AUSTRIA

With more than 250km of pistes, 91 ski lifts and more than 70 mountain restaurants, the SkiWelt area offers the good life to powder lovers.

Head to Söll, seen as a livelier alternative to the other eight Austrian villages. It may be small, with good beginner and lower-intermediate runs, but the après ski isn’t. Try Söll’s famous Whisky Muhle – you can blow away the hangover on the slopes the next day.

A six-day lift pass costs £168, which is not bad at all for these parts. skiwelt.at

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TOP FIVE

SOLDEU-EL TARTER, ANDORRA

Nestled in the heart of the original budget skiing destination, Soldeu could do with a spit and shine, but its local slopes are some of the best in the region.

There’s 186km of pistes to choose from, from beginners to black runs.

Cheap and cheerful restaurants are in surplus (try the famous Fat Albert’s), and lift-pass rates are reasonable, at £190 for a six-day pass. soldeu-andorra.com

5

KILLINGTON, VERMONT, US

Variety is the spice of skiing in Killington, on the east coast of the US, with runs for every level.

‘The Beast’, accessible via Boston airport, is the largest ski resort in Vermont, with a good snow record, and a series of six wooded peaks to explore, yielding 140 trails.

A six-day lift pass costs about £267, but as most visitors are day-trippers, resorts do good packages for longer stays. Make sure to shop around, and book your flight early.

NEXT WEEK Planning 2012: The top festival cities to visit over the year

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TRAVELTIPS

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LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

have always wanted to travel to Q Isouthern Africa, in particular Namibia, Botswana and Zimbabwe. I am, however, wary of personal safety, especially in Zimbabwe (considering its ongoing political instability). What precautions should I take?

Ross, via email right to exercise caution when A You’re travelling in Zimbabwe due to political

40

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flying home from Bogotá. However, I’ve heard mixed stories about travelling around Colombia by road. Plus, I’ve heard getting into Colombia from Panama can be very risky. Is this a realistic option?

Tomos Watkin, via email are areas within Colombia where A There guerrillas are active; sticking to the ‘gringo trail’ is advisable. Travelling overland from Panama to Colombia is advised against. The area between these two countries, in particular the Darien province in Panama, is dangerous. Violent crime, kidnappings and murder are all a risk.

You can enter Colombia by boat from Colón in Panama via the San Blás Islands to Cartagena.

This isn’t your everyday ferry crossing, however – these small sailboats are not official charters, and you will be expected to help out onboard your five-day excursion. If you don’t fancy this, opt for a short flight, which will not be dissimilar in price to the boat trip – about £250-300. If you do opt for the boat, make sure you research a reputable firm with local hostels – safety here is not worth scrimping on!

Overland travel within Colombia is certainly possible with buses. It is advisable to research your route to ensure that you are not straying into unsafe areas. While in Bogotá, be aware street crime is common, and that there have been terrorism attacks in the city. You could always look into staying near the airport instead.

STUDENT STYLE When travelling around Europe, check out Student Agency bus company – it’s not just for students. It’s cheap, reliable, the buses are comfy, and you get free Wi-fi, a movie and a hot drink!

Rebecca Davies, via email

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instability, but, generally speaking, southern Africa is a safe part of the world to travel. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) poses no restrictions on travel within any of the countries that you want to visit.

However, you are advised to be aware of the risk of theft and violent crime; exercise caution, including researching no-go areas, and don’t travel alone or at night. Political hostility is not specifically directed at tourists, but do not assume this means that you can be open about your political views.

In terms of travel, road standards are poor and there are greater incidents of reckless and drink driving. Hitchhiking is not recommended and, in Zimbabwe in particular, the local minibuses (or combis) are regularly involved in breakdowns or accidents. Trains in Zimbabwe will also not be up to the standard you’re accustomed to. In Namibia and Botswana, car hire is the easiest way to get around. Take note, though, that while the incredible wildlife in these countries is an attraction, it is also a road hazard! Take care, and avoid driving at night.

planning on travelling through Q I’m Central America to Colombia and

SOCK IT TO ME TIP Hearing stories of stuff OF THE being stolen while staying WEEK in hostels, I got in the habit of putting my passport and bank cards in a sock and slipping it into my pillowcase as I slept. It actually resulted in me being the only person in a dorm of eight in Madrid that did not have valuables stolen one night.

I still do this today when I’m sleeping somewhere I think security might be an issue.

Matt Turk, via email

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[Caption] The city that never sleeps: Beirut comes alive at night

Beirut LEBANON

Drink inside a pipe

BEIRUT

LEBANON

GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Return flights from London Stansted to Beirut, via Istanbul, start from about ÂŁ244 with Pegasus Airlines. (flypgs.com)

History of violence: buildings remain riddled with bulletholes 42

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Bars, bombs, & bulletholes The Lebanese capital is best known for its brutal history, but it’s also party central for the region’s beautiful young things WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Perhaps it doesn’t strike you as surprising that I’m ending the night in a bomb shelter; this is Beirut, after all. To many a Western mind, a hedonistic holiday in the Lebanese capital makes about as much sense as a family break in Basra.

But I’m hardly cowering from a campaign of destruction, nor have I braved a barrage of bullets on my way over.

Instead, I’m watching the sunrise from B018, Beirut’s edgiest nightclub. Beneath a car park a few kilometres east of Downtown, this mock bomb shelter’s retractable roof peels back to reveal the oncoming dawn. But Beirut’s party crowd isn’t beaten yet; we won’t leave ‘til we’re chucked out at 7am.

The Lebanese capital may now be a world-class party town, but there are remnants of its brutal past. Tanks lurk on street corners, their forbidding air accessorised by barbed wire and sand bags; unsmiling soldiers patrol pedestrian thoroughfares, weighed down with weaponry. Don’t try taking their picture – a misunderstanding has one soldier pointing his machine gun into my taxi.

And yet the vibe here is overwhelmingly one of carefree conviviality. Maybe it’s the spirit of a city destroyed many times over – a determination to not only survive, but to enjoy it. Before the civil war of 1975-90, Beirut was a playground for the millionaires of the Persian Gulf oil boom, and there’s something of a return to those gilded years now. It’s not only stylish locals clinking cocktails around tables full of food before claiming the dancefloors, but also natives of stricter Arab nations, who come to Beirut to get their kicks.

Because Beirut is all about the beautiful people, there’s a very glam side to a night out in this city – think ladies with big hair and even bigger chests strutting around in skin-tight dresses, magnums of champagne in hand. But if posing and pouting isn’t your thing, there’s a far more imaginative scene to discover on these once-turbulent streets.

You can’t go wrong with a stroll down Gouraud Street in Gemmayzeh, where I begin my night’s adventures. A window displaying a lone, leafless tree and bowler hat – a nod to Waiting For Godot – instantly grabs my attention.

Inside, there’s a cramped bar with a tiny staircase at the back, leading to nowhere. There doesn’t appear to be any explanation as to why the bar has taken on an absurdist theme – and any attempt at making sense of it is obliterated when the barmen start doing shots with me and posing for pictures, before I’ve even had chance to say hello.

There are lots of cute indie cocktail bars along this street, and some pretty chic eateries too. No one turns up to a club in Beirut before midnight, so I start about 10pm and explore what’s on offer at leisure.

“

There’s a vibe of carefree conviviality

”

I then walk from Gouraud to Mar Maroun Street, a 10-minute stroll past buildings riddled with bullet holes.

Examining the dented stonework, I can barely imagine a time when chaos ruled this city, such is the friendly face it puts forward today. But you’d be hard pushed not to stumble across reminders of violence, seeing as it reigned for so long.

In the Eighties, the majority of the city lay in ruins, and much of what was rebuilt was again cruelly crushed during the ››

Pretty people cram into cocktail bars TNTMAGAZINE.COM

43

34-day Israel-Hezbollah War in 2006. Admiring the facades of grand buildings held in place by scaffolds (the remainder of the structures having been bombed to bits), I’m filled with admiration for those who strive to preserve what is good here.

Once on Mar Maroun, I head down a secret alleyway encased in shrubbery. At the end is a huge industrial pipe.

This is Centrale, quite possibly the coolest cocktail bar on the planet. Once inside the pipe, I order what proves to be an outrageously potent blend of booze.

In the taxi to BO18, it strikes me that not only does Beirut boast one of the liveliest nightlife scenes of anywhere I’ve been, but one so quirkily creative that it puts London to shame. Sod walking into a Smeg fridge – I’ve been inside a pipe and am on my way to a club under a car park, all discovered in just a matter of hours.

How long Beirut will stay stable is anyone’s guess; sheer geography suggests an enduring volatility. Though there has now been peace for five years, the past has shown how the situation can deteriorate quickly. But what an amazing feat that somewhere so precarious can, for the time being, bring on the party. It’s one worth hitting up while you can. ❚

Soldiers still patrol the city’s streets

NEXT WEEK Coastal Croatia: rafting, pirates and Dalmatian delights

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

Perfect any time of day – and particularly adept at absorbing a hangover – you must indulge in manakish. The billowy flatbread is best enjoyed filled with drooly cheese or expertly seasoned ground lamb and mint. A manakish shouldn’t set you back more than £1; try and find Barbar, a local chain that easily serves up the best in town.

Try another great chain, Kabab-ji – it’s more stylish than your simple hole-in-the-wall, with prices to match, but the mouhamara (pomegranate paste with walnut and chilis) is well worth it. (Rue Hamra Hamra; 01 351346)

The cosy-chic Bread on Gouraud Street in Gemmayzeh is a favourite among tourists – probably because you only have to fall out of the front door to end up in a great bar for a post-dinner tipple. The food is largely Mediterranean and locally sourced.

DRINK

If an unpretentious pub is your bag, give Hole in the Wall a try – strictly no guest DJs, dress codes or VIP areas. (Rue Monot Achrafiye)

Head inside Centrale for cocktails so strong it seems perfectly normal to be enjoying them inside a pipe (centralerestaurant.com), then taxi to BO18 to dance until dawn in a bomb shelter. (b018.com)

Bring on the glitz (and the bailiffs) at Crystal – order the most expensive champagne and it’ll be guided under a spotlight to your table. You’re not here to be shy about your cash, after all. (Rue Monot Achrafiye)

SLEEP

Some of the cheaper hotels in Beirut can be a bit dodgy (think items mysteriously disappearing from your luggage), so aim for the more expensive end of cheap. The Embassy Hotel in the heart of Hamra – one of the city’s busiest commercial districts – is simple but clean, with nice staff. Rooms from £25pn. (embassyhotellebanon.com)

The Marble Tower Hotel in Hamra offers more creature comforts (such as mini-bar and satellite TV) and welcomes you with a polished white marble entrance. Rooms from £50pn. (marbletowerhotel.com)

The sumptuous InterContinental Phoenicia Beirut is an unapologetically grand lesson in five-star luxury, overlooking the Mediterranean sea. Rooms start at about £182pn. (phoeniciabeirut.com)

EAT

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

In-Spired This is Prague in 48 hours WORDS REBECCA KENT

DAY 1: 9:00 The capital of the Czech Republic, Prague is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Europe. It is bisected by the Vltava River with its two main districts, the Stare Mesto (Old Town) and Nove Mesto (New Town), on the right bank. However, the best way to get your bearings in a new city is by elevation, so start on the left bank, at Petrín Hill. Take the funicular to the top and spend the morning taking in historical sights such as the Hunger Wall, Strahov Monastery, the Memorial to the Victims of Communism, and Štefánik’s Observatory. Don’t leave without ascending the 299 steps to the summit of the Petrin Lookout Tower, or Pet ínská rozhledn, which is Prague’s Eiffel Tower. It will reward you with sweeping views across the city and its magical spires.

12:00 Cross the river via the 14th-century Charles Bridge, decorated with 30 Baroque statues and bustling with traders, merchants and painters, then visit the birthplace of Prague, Vysehrad. The 10th-century castle here marks the place of the city’s original settlement, and now houses the Basilica of St Peter and St Paul.

14:00 Spring arrives in Prague sooner than almost any other city, and this is celebrated at the St Matthew’s Fair at the Vystaviste exhibition grounds, by Stromovka Park. A 400-year-old tradition, it’s a classic day out for local families, and if you’re visiting between Feb 21 and March 31, it’s a good opportunity to try typical fair food and drink, such as Czech gingerbread, Turkish honey, freshly smoked Moravian meats, real slivovitz and Czech sausages and beer.

18:00 Of course, you’ll find local grub at any time of year, 46

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and a stay in Prague isn’t complete without a beer-and-pork fest in a dingy cellar. It’s a lot more fun than it sounds. Try U Radnice (U Radnice 2).

21:00 Now you have a belly full of pork sausage and beer, you probably want to sample the nightlife. Prague offers some thrilling options in that department, such as one of the city’s most popular nightspots, Lavka Bar & Club (Novotneho Lavka 1, Old Town), by the Charles Bridge.

Show the locals a thing or two!

03:00 Say goodbye to all the new friends you made on the dancefloor, and sleep off the debauchery at Old Prague Hostel (oldpraguehostel.com) in the Old Town.

DAY 2: 10:00 Tuck into your free breakfast sandwich, then set out for a walk. The more you walk in Prague, the more hidden streets and quiet corners you will discover.

Mala Strana, which translates to the Lesser Quarter, in the Old Town, looks as if time stood still in the 18th century.

Then, it was Prague’s most colourful quarter, home to artists, poets, musicians and drunkards. There are also some beautiful walled gardens here. The Wallenstein Garden (Letenska) and Vrtbov Garden (Karmelitska 25) are both charming. Continue off the main drag of Mostecka and you’ll find a host of old ateliers and traditional beer halls. Hair of the dog, anyone?

12:00 Need a pick-me-up? You’ll be glad to know the people of Prague enjoy a coffee, and there are several nicotine-stained dens where you are likely to come across some earnest fellows debating over their espressos. One such den is at the Franz Kafka Café

[Caption] The striking Astrological clock dates back to the 15th century

Photos: TNT; Getty

(Siroka 12), where wooden booths hide behind the frosted-glass windows.

14:00 The 70,000sqm Prague Castle, said to be one of the biggest castles in the world, dominates the skyline.

Once the residence of the Kings of Bohemia and the Holy Roman Emperors, it dates back to 880, and is now the office of the president of the Czech Republic, and a Unesco World Heritage site.

16:00 You haven’t quite seen all of Prague’s attractions just yet. The Church of Our Lady Before Tyn is a city landmark that dominates the skyline of Prague’s Old City.

It dates back to the 14th century and reaches 80m high.

Its late Gothic style facade is equally as impressive as its Baroque interior.

17:00 Venture to the Old Town Square. The centrepiece is the Astronomical clock, which has been striking the hour with the aid of a skeleton and 12 apostles since the 15th century. Nearby is Wenceslas Square, home to shops, restaurants and cafes, so make it an early dinner. Use the rest of the day to explore, avoiding tourist haunts to see the best of what Prague has to offer.

21:00 For a night that’s smoky and atmospheric, the Charles Bridge Jazz Club (Saska 3, jazzblues.cz) should hit the spot. There are concerts on every night.

[Caption] The Church of Our Lady before Tyn dominates the skyline

EasyJet flies direct to Prague from five UK airports; Ryanair flies from Birmingham and East Midlands; and BA flies from easyjet.com britishairways.com ryanair.com Heathrow

[Caption] Stay warm and keep traders happy in the Old Town Square TNTMAGAZINE.COM

47

Trek with a clear conscience

Eco-travel THE WORLD

Luxury sustainability in Oman

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A little respect Eco-travel isn’t just trendy; it’s something we should all be striving for as we wander the globe. Here’s where to start WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Unfortunately, in many cases eco-travel has become more of a marketing tool than a commitment to sustainable tourism, displaying all the hallmarks of trendiness by being more concerned with style over substance. It seems as though anyone can build a tree house nowadays and call it an ecolodge, whether it is truly environmentally friendly or not.

And as ever-more corners of the world open up to tourism, it appears inevitable that travellers’ footsteps will become ever-more keenly felt. Just think of the story we reported last week about rare tarsiers in the Philippines committing suicide under the glare of tourists’ flashbulbs’.

Though you might like to think that people know better in this day and age, there is plenty of evidence that they do not.

One of the best ways to limit the impact of rogue operators and irresponsible governance is for you to set the standards – only take your business to places that leave you with a clear conscience.

Here are some of our favourite eco-experiences from the road. Not an exhaustive list, but it makes a good place to start.

ECO-TREKKING NEPAL Fortunately, one of the best places in the world for trekking is also one of the best for doing it responsibly. Eco Trek Nepal is something of a one-stop-shop for ethical treks around the must-do Annapurna range, and also offers adventures in nearby India, Tibet and Bhutan.

HOW GREEN? The operator’s eco-camps rely on recyclable accessories, as well as using non-polluting fuel supplies and bringing back non-degradable materials from the trip for recycling. The company also supports a cleaning campaign that removes waste from the mountains.

SUSTAINABILITY Guides are employed from the local community to ensure sensitivity to local customs and culture. The company also purchases local products where possible to give back to the economy.

DO THIS Eco Trek Nepal offers a boggling array of adventures, from scaling peaks to jungle safaris. You can choose between camping or teahouse trekking (the latter guarantees you a comfortable bed and a hot shower), and

remote trekking is also a specialty, allowing you to discover the hidden Himalayas.

ALSO AVAILABLE Trekking and mountain-biking in Tibet; exploring the mountain hamlets of Bhutan. Tours range from four to more than 20 days; prices will vary. You should also check out Imaginative Traveller’s Annapurna Community Lodge Trek, where you stay at locally run lodges in the area’s more remote, untouristed parts. Imaginative Traveller offers trips all over the world – from South Africa to Burma – and keeps group sizes small to limit environmental disturbance. (ecotrek.com.np; imaginative-traveller.co.uk from £495pp.)

THAILAND Pooh Eco-Trekking in northern Thailand has garnered an exemplary reputation for authentic and respectful hill tribe treks – to the extent that rogue operators have started trading under similar names to benefit from Pooh’s repute.

The man himself (that’d be Pooh) warns that ‘ecotrekking’ is often used merely as a marketing term in Thailand, and that many treks visit hill tribe villages that exist for tourists rather than being genuine local communities.

Pooh offers a more ‘real’ experience, taking small groups further into the hills and using local guides with in-depth knowledge of the tribes and their environment.

(Two to three days from £65pp, pooh-ecotrekking.com.)

ECO-SAFARI AFRICA An African safari is one of the most thrilling experiences a traveller can have – but you want to make sure that you don’t get close enough to disturb the wildlife.

SUSTAINABILITY Rainbow Tours works with African camps and lodges that have been certified by the FTTSA, the South African fair trade in tourism body. Operators have been chosen for their “groundbreaking contributions to sustainability”, which include using solar-panel-powered lighting and making hefty donations to local communities (including, in the instance of the base camp in Kenya’s Masai Mara National Reserve, providing school bursaries for the ›› children of staff).

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Moroccan mountain lodge

Find a farmstay in Ibiza

[Caption] ALSO AVAILABLE It’s also worth noting that Rainbow Tours operate in South America, allowing you to go trekking all over the continent with a clear conscience. Check out the Amazon tours in particular; prices vary. (rainbowtours.co.uk.)

Back to Africa, and Mumbo Island on Lake Malawi is highly recommended. The island is uninhabited by people, save for a community-run eco-camp complete with solar-power bucket showers, wind-up torches and compost drop loos.

Each private tent features a locally carved bed, reed-walled showers and hand-stitched hammocks, all of which have been lovingly created by local hands using sustainable materials.

It’s an incredible chill-out spot, albeit one punctuated with the odd jump when a 1.2-metre-long monitor lizards shuffle over. You’ll also spot blue crabs, acid green vine snakes and pied kingfishers. (From £1080pp, kayakafrica.net.)

One more place we can’t recommend enough is the Chimpanzee Rehabilitation Project in The Gambia. Sleep in a safari tent among baboon-infested trees and take a tour of the three islands home to rehabbing chimps, many of whom were abused in the pet and entertainment industries. Only eight people can stay at a time, so it feels exclusive, and local villagers are employed as guides. The project also teaches conservation to local communities, preventing the spread of poaching, etc. (From £100pn, chimprehab.com.)

a number of themed yurts in a private meadow setting, complete with ecological loos and solar power. Nearby are old villages, dramatic gorges and mountains, plus the kitesurfing mecca of Tarifa is just a two-hour drive away.

(From £108pn, yurthotel.com.)

MOROCCO Kasbah du Toubkal is a mountain retreat perched in the Atlases, within the tiny village of Achein, giving a taste of remote Moroccan life. Local labour and

ECO-DIGS SPAIN Fancy sleeping in an Afghani or Mongolian yurt, but can’t be arsed with the long-haul flight? Then get yourself to Andalucia, Spain, where the Hoopoe Yurt Hotel offers 50

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Lovely Mumbo island on Lake Malawi

environmentally friendly building materials have created a lodge decorated in the tradition of the local Berber community. Local guides take you mountain trekking and on walking tours of the village; it doesn’t get much more removed from tourist-saturated Marrakech than this.

(From £133pn, kasbahdutoubkal.com.)

OMAN It ain’t cheap – and that’s an understatement – but the Six Senses Hideaway at Zighy Bay is one of the most incredible eco-stays anyone is ever likely to have. Within the secluded bay, enclosed by mountains on one side and the Gulf on the other, you’ll stay in a mock Omani village – only one where your villa comes with a private infinity pool. The resort processes its own water, which is provided in reusable glass bottles, and has a vegetable garden to help stock the kitchen. Guests are provided with bikes to cycle around the grounds, and you can even volunteer to help out with rebuilding Zighy Village, which lies further down the beach. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more awesome, for a (not small) fee you can arrive in the resort by paraglider, and will be met by a private butler when you touch down on the beach. (Packages from £560pn, sixsenses.com.)

CLOSER TO HOME Here are some of the UK’s best eco-stays: CHEWTON GLEN TREE-HOUSE SUITES, HAMPSHIRE New for 2012, these luxury tree-house suites offer panoramic views of the New Forest from floor-toceiling glass windows and the opportunity to shower under the stars. They claim to boast “impeccable eco-credentials”.

See: chewtonglen.com; prices available once open.

TREE-HOUSES AT FAIR OAK FARM Hidden in the trees on Fair Oak Farm in East Sussex, a collection of eco-lodge tree-houses offer a private stay in the midst of the Sussex countryside. Built from sustainable timber, the farm has also implemented a wildlife protection plan in the area, which includes the setting up of rare owl enticement nests and bird boxes.

See: fairoakfarm.co.uk; from £75pp for two nights.

FARMSTAYS

Photos: Malawi Tourism, Thinkstock

IBIZA No, we’ve not gone mad – far, far away from the clubs, this farmstay on the north side of the island will show you a very different Ibiza. Stay in an apartment in a restored 400-yearold farmhouse, tend the vegetable garden and borrow a bike to explore the surrounding countryside. Solar energy, rainwater collection and recycling give the green credentials.

(From £120pn, canmarti.com.)

ITALY An eco-friendly tour geared towards foodies, ‘Slow food, slow foot’ guides you through the rolling hills and secluded villages of southern Italy, providing plenty of opportunity to walk off the masses of local, homegrown fare you’ll be stuffing in along the way. Cooking classes are included, and you’ll stay at a variety of ranches and farms.

(From £560pp for five days, walkbasilicata.it.)

ECO-LODGES IN DEVON Stay in a cute wooden eco-lodge on Wheatland Farm in Devon, where your holiday home is powered entirely by renewable energy (much of it from the farm’s own wind turbine). Also a proud winner of gold approval from the Green Tourism Business Scheme and Devon Wildlife Trust.

See: wheatlandfarm.co.uk; from £70pp for two nights.

SOUTH AMERICA Fancy living at an old hacienda in Ecuador, or ranching in Chilean Patagonia? Check out southamerica-inside.com, which partners with NGOs, small businesses, local farms and schools to provide an immersive experience, whereby you’ll live within, and contribute to, the local community.

The organisation specialises in farm stays in off-the-beatenpath areas, promising “a different way to discover the world”. (From £210pp for two weeks.)

PRESELI VENTURE ECO-LODGE, WALES Get out of the trees and stay in an eco-lodge on the Welsh coast. This energy-saving ‘adventure lodge’ in Pembrokeshire is not only a sustainable place to stay, but also offers activities including coasteering, sea kayaking and surfing.

See: preseliventure.co.uk; from £39pppn.

WWOOF World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms works with hosts all over the globe to offer travellers a chance to help work land in return for a roof over their heads and hot meals. You’re not expected NEXT WEEK to know much about farming when you arrive, but you are expected to learn and New for 2012: graft. All hosts are certified as farming using Where you’ll be ecologically sound methods. Prices vary travelling next year according to region. (wwoof.org ) ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* our way to your bedroom where you Rocked My World. I still Remember The Time and was hoping we could do it again, because I liked The Way You Make Me Feel. Get in touch through TNT if you wanna be Bad again. CL. Rumble in the jungle: Jez, I heard the howl of a wildebeest from your room last Wednesday night. Is that when you pulled out your anaconda from Africa? Time you got a job and spared

bowls, stairs of death and connectfour hour of power. It all ended with cider picnics, black bootie shaking, many snakebite jugs, pickup tops, Colin Farrell (?!), Rubik’s cubes, Church sluts, leading little sisters astray and shoebox rooms.

It’s like chopping off my left ball to see you go, and London won’t be the same without you! One day, we’ll grow old on the Sunny Coast together. Love from Tonielle.

Del: “Come ‘ere I’m gonna make

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#460 Head up to Scotland for a good old-fashioned Viking Hogmanay

your housemates the sounds of your safari sessions, don’t you think? Your suffering mates at Churston Street The too cool for school kid: Sexy school mistress, I know I was slow with the maths to start with, but by the end of the night I knew what six and nine was and saw a lot more of your numbers. I reckon I taught you a bit about length and width, too. A few more sessions and I’ll master maths. Head prefect.

Goodbye Leah: It all started with Lisbon, Belem custard tarts, dodgy Italians, sangria, Lagos, fish

you smile” is a surprisingly good chat-up line and your bedroom door has become revolving with a constant stream of (lovely???) ladies, all of whom are very accepting that you have a neurological condition that means you cannot remember their names in the morning. Chances are you’ll be reading this while enjoying some “just eat” chicken goodness, piecing together your day out at The Church/Walkie where, you will, of course, have spat in a few faces and whipped out your wooden spoon. You may not have the

“trifecta” to your name, but as the dirty housemate, the jury is out on whether you’re a champ or a grot. Happy birthday Del, have a good one. : ) Peter: Stop cracking on to my sister or I will fuck your cougar of a mother again when she comes to visit in May. You know she’s always down for some Ricky-time. This time I promise I will produce a brother for you. Richie.

Dory and Robot-Vamp: Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ London wouldn’t be the same/ Without you two/ You cheer me up/ You never give me grief/ And at the end of the week/ You’re always up for debrief/ So I’ve added you to my list/ You’re going straight to the top/ It’s just a pity/ You don’t have a c*ck/ But who needs a man/ When I have you two?/ Here’s a little note to say/ I’m choosing you! Happy Valentine’s Day, from you-know-who.

Hari huritau Miss Moriarty: Happy birthday Trouble :-) Since I’m the older one I will impart valuble knowledge which will assist you in this transitional period between Tweenties and (ahem) real adulthood :-) 1. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake 2. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional 3. Age is not a destination. It’s a journey 4. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.

Many things have changed over the years but you’re still the same great person you always have been.

Luv Arohanui Ataahua Wahinetoa xox!!! Mwah Dee.

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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To my wifey who puts the ‘wee’ into weekend: You’re leeeaving on a jet plane, don’t know when you’ll be back again (yes, I am singing at you from print – it’s a skill I know you love). You’re headed back to the magical land of Oz where the goon flows freely, the chicken is always parma-y and the sun doesn’t mind overtime.

I love you and I’m going to miss our permanent slumber party of mattresses on the floor, Facebookstalking, secret-spooning, TV-rerunwatching, bathtime-drinking and pretzel-eating. Will ‘come to the party’ soon!! Xxx Wifey Woof woof: I’m looking to start up a club in London for people who like to pretend they are the owners of small dogs. The movement is more common than you’d think.

Most people like to hang out with dogs but not everyone has the inclination or income to actually own one. Therefore I’d invite chihuahua owners to donate their pet’s time to my new club. I’ll come and collect your dog, take it to the park for the day and try and use it to pick up chicks. I have already sourced some cute little hats for it to wear. Sorry, I cannot feed the animal – hopefully the chicks buy it an ice cream or two. Contact me at shavedrat83@hotmail.com. Other pretend owners are welcome.

Man in The Mirror: Michael Jackson, where are you? I saw you at a house party on First Ave in Acton on Saturday 29th and knew you’d be a Thriller. When I came over to talk to you, you didn’t tell me to Beat It so we moonwalked

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