TNT Magazine / Issue 1472 by TNT Magazine

November 14-20 2011 Issue 1472 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A HOLIDAY IN EGYPT OR MOROCCO FOR TWO!

A CAPITAL CHRISTMAS Our pick of not-to-bemissed events in London

IT’S A WRAP

80 top gift ideas to suit every budget

KEEPING IT OLD SCHOOL The mature tutors behind Hackney’s trendy classes

S Y A W A T E G XMAS season e iv t s fe e h t ns to escape io t a in t s e d t e very bes h t n o n w o d Low

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Whether you like it or not, the festive season is upon us. To help you embrace all things Christmas, we’ve put together your essential guide – from gifts for all budgets and events in the capital to top travel and seasonal careers, we’ve got it covered. We hope you enjoy it! And don’t forget to visit our new-look website where you can create your own blog at myTNT. Let us know what you think of the new design – carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

THIS WEEK LondonDiary

4-5

LondonNews

My London

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

SPOTTED

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

London Focus

24-26

COMPETITION

CHATROOM Steven Mulhern 29 LONDON SCENE

30-31

Spare Time 32 Shopping 33 Lifestyle

42-49

HEALTH & BEAUTY

42-43

CAREERS

44-45 47

Money

’tis the season...

We pick London’s best events so you can pack your diary with top stuff this Crimbo

you’re amazings

48-49

NEWS & SPORT

50-61

TRAVEL

63-84

xmas wrapped 35

DIARY

NEWS

Stumped for gift ideas? Look no further than our out-of-the ordinary suggestions

66-67

LATE DEALS

HOTSHOTS

TOP FIVE

70-71

TIPS & STUFF

72-73

48 HOURS IN... Athens

78-79

CLASSIFIEDS

117-121

DESPERATELY SEEKING

122

LIVING ... in haggerston

uk trip

Photos: Getty

Features

TNT meets the old-school teachers fronting east London’s hippest classes

hi ho, hi ho

We track down Santa and the other festive workers that make Xmas happen

treasure hunters

Truffles are worth a fortune – we go foraging with experts in remote Italy

Christmas travel

Escape Xmas in London with our finest festive getaways - both home and abroad

74 tntMagazine.com

EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alison Grinter News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Make a start on your Christmas shopping

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst

Shhh... SECRET LONDON EROTICA

PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

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Because, deep down, you’re all perverts. Some of you might be more repressed and prudish than others, but sex sells and this event throws the titillation factor into overdrive. So strap in for three days of adult stage shows, seminars, burlesque acts and more sex toys than you can shake a dildo at – there will be plenty of that as well. Who knows? You might pick up. If not, it’s a perfect place to make a start on your Christmas shopping. £14.5

erotica-uk.com

Kensington (Olympia)

WORLD PRESS EXHIBITION

COMICA FESTIVAL

TEA AND COFFEE FESTIVAL

This annual exhibition, now in its 56th year, showcases the best photos taken by journalists during the past 12 months. Whether you’re a news junkie or a sports nut or even just a fan of great photography, this is a great way to spend an afternoon, recapping some of the year’s biggest stories, told here entirely visually.

There’s a stack of exhibitions, talks and screenings at this sprawling comic fair, with events spread across London but essentially headquartered at the Bishopsgate Institute. The festival takes in the full sweep of hand-drawn art, from the most conventional styles to some more niche material and some other stuff that is quite out there.

Anyone who complains about how hard it is to get a decent coffee in London need only head down to South Bank to enjoy a world-class caffeine fix. You can buy beans from all over the world to make your own exotic brew at home. There’s also a barista masterclass where you’ll learn how to make the perfect latte.

Until November 29 Royal Festival Hall, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX southbankcentre. co.uk Waterloo

Until November 25 230 Bishopsgate, EC2M 4QH comicafestival.com Liverpool Street

November 18-20 Southbank Centre Square, SE1 8XX teacoffeefestival.com Waterloo

FREE

£6

FREE

like us on

facebook/tntmagazine

A whole world of magic and mulled wine

WINTER WONDERLAND Hyde Park

In London, it’s not properly winter until Hyde Park gets transformed into this annual Christmas village. In theory, it’s for little kids, but it’s also a good night out for grown-ups who don’t mind a twirl on the ferris wheel after a couple of mulled wines. Put together a posse and wander down. Just be careful not to get lost on your way out. FREE

November 18-January 3 Serpentine Rd, W2 2UH Lancaster Gate

hydeparkwinterwonderland.com

IDEAL HOME SHOW CHRISTMAS

ABSOLUT BLANK LIVE

Maybe you fancy giving your flat a Christmas makeover this year. Maybe you fancy going beyond a little plastic tree. Well, this is the place to get inspired by the latest in furniture, decorations, food and gadgets. You can also learn how to dress a tree – apparently, you don’t just get pissed and drape tinsel everywhere.

Check out this fun, experimental audiovisual project in east London – you step into a little booth, pick your favourite track and then bust a move against a blue screen that creates digital trails and abstract patterns in the background. This may be your last chance to shoot your own psychedelic music video for your fave tune.

November 16-20 Earls Court Exhibition Centre, SW5 9TA idealhomeshow christmas.co.uk Earl’s Court

November 17-27 Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane, E1 6QL Liverpool Street facebook.com/ABSOLUTUK

Photos: Getty

£13.5

FREE

LONDONNEWS

@tntmagazine

ANGER AFTER HMS BELFAST AIRBRUSHED Olympics organisers have been forced to apologise after airbrushing HMS Belfast out of a poster for the London 2012 Festival. Designers removed the image of the warship, which is a permanent feature on the Thames, because it overlapped some of the words on the advert. Andy Smith, chief executive of the UK National Defence Association, called it “extraordinarily insensitive” in the run-up to Remembrance Sunday, as the ship had played a role in many conflicts. A London 2012 spokesman apologised, adding: “The mistake has been rectified.”

You must be the only mafia boss in history who did not know he was running a criminal empire Tom Watson MP hits out at James Murdoch during the phone-hacking inquiry

CELEBS JOIN ANNUAL CHARITY SLEEP-OUT DJ Sara Cox, X Factor’s Rebecca Ferguson and hundreds of Londoners gave up their beds for the night to raise cash for the homeless. Dancing On Ice star Chloe Madeley also took part in Broadgate’s Exchange Square for Centrepoint’s annual Sleep Out on Thursday night. In its seventh year, the event aimed to to raise £250,000 for 513 homeless youngsters this winter.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

CIRCLE: No service between Edgware Road and Hammersmith all weekend.

DISTRICT: Suspended between Tower

Hill and Upminster at the weekend. Saturday, after 8pm, and Sunday before 1pm, also suspended between Wimbledon and Putney Bridge. Rail replacement buses operate.

H’SMITH & CITY: No service between Moorgate and Barking all weekend.

NORTHERN: No service between

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Rogue cabbie ‘safety risks’

Black taxis in go-slow protest over rising number of illegal drivers The rising number of illegal taxi drivers on London’s streets at night is a threat to women’s safety, black-cab owners have warned. Some 1000 legal drivers protested last week, claiming rogue firms are out of control. They took part in a go-slow, causing gridlock around Trafalgar Square, while flying banners reading: ‘TfL: Totally Failing London.” The campaigners, who turned up to support the event organised by union United Cabbies Group, claim rogue minicab firms are putting them out of business. They want tougher measures put in place to prevent a greater rise in touts, which they say are damaging their trade. The cabbies urged transport bosses to tackle the problem, which they believe puts women at risk. TfL has highlighted

the safety risks of travelling in rogue cabs, in hard-hitting posters on the Underground and transport routes. General Secretary of the RMT Union Bob Crow said: “The licensed taxi trade in London is under an unprecedented attack and that’s why RMT members in the industry are working for maximum unity to defend jobs, safety and the quality of service to the public.” Bosses at TfL rejected the action, releasing a statement saying the group had made “false claims”. The cabbies move comes as black-cab bosses told London mayor Boris Johnson they want to charge a 20 per cent premium for working during the Olympics. » Do you use illegal cabs? Are they safe? Email us – letters@tntmagazine.com

THIS WEEK IN LONDON... The glitterati of the capital’s cultural set will go headto-head this weekend at the Evening Standard’s theatre awards, hosted by Dame Edna Everage at the Savoy. In a quirk of the nomination process, two actors – Jonny Lee Miller and Benedict Cumberbatch – are both nominated for the same role. The actors co-starred in Danny Boyle’s production of Frankenstein at the National Theatre and took it in turns to play Dr Frankenstein and his monster, heightening the sense that the two characters overlap to the point of being almost interchangeable. Australian comedian Tim Minchin is also involved – Matilda, for which he wrote the score and lyrics, has been nominated for best musical.

Hello possums! Dame Edna

Photos: Getty

Camden Town and Charing Cross all weekend.

Go-slow: cabbies block Trafalgar Square

Tickets on Sale Now THE ONLY AUTUMN TEST

Millennium Stadium KO 2.30pm

For tickets: wru.co.uk or call 08442 777 888 or contact your local rugby club

Ho ho ... burp: Santas spread Christmas cheer ... and beer

Oh what fun it is Ditch the knits and do something adventurous this Christmas. ‘Tis the season to be jolly – and brave WORDS REBECCA KENT & CLARE VOOGHT Just in case you’ve missed the extravagantly decorated shop windows and fairy-lit high streets, Christmas is here. But tradition doesn’t have to dictate weekends spent clad in chunky knits canoodling by a fireplace, or wearing cheap Santa hats at a second-rate disco. There are a cluster of events happening around the capital that are just the ticket to draw you away from dreary seasonal sameness. You can get your tra la la la las by doing anything from nightclubbing in your tracksuit bottoms on an ice rink at Somerset House to tearing through London’s boozers with an army of other jolly red imposters, spreading Christmas cheer in a Santa-themed pub crawl. But for a true arousal of your festive senses, the Torture Garden’s Christmas Ball is a more titillating option. East London’s famous fetish and body art club comes over all white Christmas for its main annual event, the kind where Santa wears crotchless hotpants and his missus accessorises with a nipple chain. The ball, which Alan TG and his business partner, David TG, have been running for 20 years, is eternally popular, attracting some 1400 8

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partygoers with deviant tastes to its Brixton venue each year, all following a strict outre dress code. “People love fetish in the winter,” Alan TG says. “Rubber is not the greatest outfit to wear in the cold weather, but people just seem to enjoy getting kinky for Christmas.” There are four themed rooms at the ball, each with different styles of music, from electro and sleazy rock to industrial and erotica, and featuring pole dancing, aerial acrobatics and burlesque performances. The more adventurous can explore the Couples’ Playroom, where people “go to drink tea and mingle” Alan TG says, tongue firmly in cheek. “We urge everyone to come along and really get into the spirit of things. Afterwards, you are bound to find normal clubbing boring,” he adds. If you’re not quite ready for dancing suggestively in front of randoms, then take heart, there are frolics to be had of a decidedly more family-friendly nature – and it still involves dressing up. The Great Christmas Pudding Race is another time-honoured London tradition for which participants don

fancy dress – think crackers, gift boxes, reindeers and elves – and compete in an improbable obstacle course for the chance to win a deluxe festive pud. Scores of competitors in teams of six rumble through Covent Garden’s west piazza, fulfilling ludicrous tasks, such as pulling a tea towel off a washing line, crawling over an inflatable airbed, making Mr Potato Faces, climbing a cargo net and facing a shower of foam, all while holding a tray of Christmas pudding. Live music and other entertainment provide the atmosphere. “It is the craziest event I’ve ever seen in my life,” organiser Helena Marks says. “It gets messy – needless to say plenty of pudding hits the ground, and there’s a lot of cheating going on, but it’s all in the name of fun and a really good cause.” Whether in a gimp suit or a Santa suit, kick tradition and be brave. You’re sure to have a jolly time. ❚ ›› MORE FESTIVE EVENTS Torture Garden Ball, Sat, Dec 3. £32. Mass & Babalou, St Matthews Church, Brixton Hill, SW2 1JF torturegarden.com Brixton The Great Pudding Race, Sat, Dec 3. Covent Garden, WC2 xmaspuddingrace.org.uk Covent Garden

TG Xmas ball: where excessive eye shadow is normal PERFORMING THEIR SELF-TITLED DEBUT ALBUM IN FULL AND MORE MARCH 8 BRISTOL O2 ACADEMY 0844 477 2000 9 WOLVERHAMPTON WULFRUN HALL 0870 320 7000 10 MANCHESTER HMV RITZ 0844 248 5117 11 GLASGOW O2 ABC 0844 499 9990 16 LONDON HMV FORUM 0844 871 8803 www.kililive.com, www.artistticket.com, 0844 871 8803, 0844 871 8820 and usual outlets www.presidentsrock.com A KILIMANJARO + FRIENDS PRESENTATION BY ARRANGEMENT WITH PRIMARY TALENT INTERNATIONAL

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Run fat boy: the new jogging club had its work cut out TNTMAGAZINE.COM

THE OUTDOOR SWIMMING SOCIETY’S DECEMBER DIP GOSPEL OAK Just as winter bites, try out the ultimate hangover cure and jump into Parliament Hill Lido. There’ll be a full brass band to encourage you through your chilly swim, and afterwards, there’ll be hot food, drinks and inspiring speakers including Edith Bowman. Guaranteed to get your blood pumping for the rest of the day – even if you only manage a couple of widths.

LONDON SANTA RUN BATTERSEA If you’re feeling generous (or just silly) this Christmas, head to Battersea Park dressed as Santa to raise money for charity Disability Snowsport UK. Runners need to do 6km and costumes are included in the entry fee. £20

£15

Sat, Dec 3. 11am-1pm Gordon House Road, NW5 1LP outdoorswimmingsociety.com Gospel Oak

Sat, Dec 3 Battersea Park, SW11 disabilitysnowsport.org.uk Battersea Park Rail

CARNABY STREET CHRISTMAS SOHO The Carnaby Street lights are always the best at Christmas, so once you’ve seen the Oxford Street ones, venture south for a wander and some pressie shopping. Decorations will be big and bright, with sparkling holographic holly leaves and oversized mistletoe chandeliers with colour-changing berries synched to catchy Christmas tunes. There’ll also be 20 per cent off in more than 100 stores in the area from 5-9pm on Thursday, November 17 for those who sign up online. Until Tues, Jan 3 Carnaby Street, W1 carnaby.co.uk Oxford Street

FESTA DI NATALE KENSINGTON

A JOHN WATERS CHRISTMAS SOUTHBANK Raconteur, maker of films including Hairspray and A Dirty Shame and author of Role Models, John Waters has also been dubbed ‘The Pope of Trash’. Anyone already sick of cheesy Christmas cheer should enjoy his rapid-fire monologue all about Christmas traditions, Santa Claus fanaticism and love of holiday horror stories. £15

Mon, Dec 5. 7.30pm Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk Waterloo

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Treat yourself to some festive Italian grub from Carluccio’s Christmas menu (three courses for £20 per head), with tasty dishes including chricken and sage wrapped in parma ham, and wintery desserts like blackberry tart. The restaurant’s shop will also stock foodie Christmas gifts including panettone with hazlenut icing and dark chocolate-dipped figs. And if you time your visit from 6pm on Thursday December 1 or 8, you’ll be treated to 10 per cent off the Carluccio’s Christmas range, plus a spread of free festive canapes and Italian mulled wine. Tasty. Until Sat, Dec 31 3-5 Campden Hill Road, W8 7DU 1 Old Brompton Road, SW7 3HZ carluccios.com High Street Kensington/ South Kensington

CHRISTMAS CAROL-A-THON WEST END Oxford and Regent streets will be closed to the public during this weekend as London’s leading choirs and bands take over the streets to belt out a few favourite Christmas classics. Get yourself into the spirit. FREE

Sat, Dec 10 and Sun, Dec 11 Oxford Street, W1 newwestend.com Oxford Circus

BODYMOVE CHRISTMAS PARTY KING’S CROSS A Crimbo-themed night of pumping house beats with Copyright and Rae playing live. £13.50

Sat, Dec 3. 10pm 200 York Way, N7 9AX egglondon.net Caledonian Road & Barnsbury

DUCKIE CHRISTMAS MARKET BARBICAN Looking for something more original this year? From December 10, the Barbican foyers will be filled with indie Christmas gifts, with 60 stalls selling some DIY arts, crafts and artisanal products including homeware, jewellery and accessories, food and art. There will also be crafty workshops at weekends, to teach you how to make their own Christmas presents. You need never shop on the high street again and you certainly won’t end up buying the same gift as someone else. Dec 10-30 except Mon, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Nightly 69.30pm and weekends 2-9.30pm. Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS duckie.co.uk Barbican

UNDERGROUND CHRISTMAS CANADA WATER

Set the scene by descending into an underground chamber – which opened in 1843 as the grand Thames Tunnel entrance hall – for some Christmas storytelling. With celebrity tales penned by Jo Brand, Zoe Wanamaker, Michael Palin and Peter Ackroyd. For your ticket price you can have a gander at the exhibitions in the museum too.

Fed up with Christmas consumer pressure, glitzy lights and high street shopping? This is a satirical celebration of the capitalist dream during Christmas. From Duckie – the same collective bringing us the indie gift market at the Barbican this winter – it’s a slice of something different for the festive season.

£5

Sat, Nov 19 – Sat, Dec 24. Saturdays at 2pm, 3pm and 4pm, Sundays at 12pm Railway Avenue, SE16 4LF brunel-museum.org.uk Canada Water

£19.99

SOMERSET HOUSE ICE SKATING CLUB NIGHTS STRAND Skating will no longer be a daytime activity – now you can hit the ice by night to a soundtrack laid on by famous clubs, big music festivals and prolific DJs. Ministry of Sound will control the decks on November 25 and 26 and January 14. Then Lovebox will bring its brand of hedonism to the ice with Loveboxmas from December 8-10, and there’ll be a tracksuit party on December 3, bringing skaters the best in classic Eighties hip hop, disco and house. £17

Dec 10-31 Barbican Centre, Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS barbican.org.uk Barbican

Fri, Nov 25 – Fri, Jan 20 Somerset House, Strand, WC2R 1LA somersethouse.org.uk Temple

XMAS TREE LIGHTING TRAFALGAR SQUARE Catch a London institutuion as Trafalgar Square’s Christmas tree lights are switched on. This is followed by a festive carol service at St Martin-in-the-Fields (also on Trafalgar Square). FREE

Photos: David Jensen; Sami Knight; Robin Whitmore

TASTE OF CHRISTMAS EXCEL £17.50 Find festive foodie heaven as some of London’s top restaurants serve up affordable seasonal dishes – look out for Roast, Benares and Asia de Cuba – while some of the country’s best chefs give masterclasses on top Christmas nosh. Highlights include tips from Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall on Friday morning (limited number of tickets available). Dec 2-4. 10am-6pm One Western Gateway, Royal Victoria Dock, E16 1XL tasteofchristmas.com Custom House

Thurs, Dec 1. 6.30pm Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DS london.gov.uk Charing Cross

KITSUNE CHRISTMAS CLUB NIGHT AT XOYO SOHO A Christmas club night hosted by Parisian electro record label Kitsune. Acts include The Magician, Beataucue, Is Tropical and Logo. £9

Sat, Dec 3. 10pm 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP xoyo.co.uk Old Street

LONDON GAY MEN’S CHORUS: MAKE MINE A SNOWBALL CHELSEA At Make Mine A Snowball, the London Gay Men’s Chorus dish up their annual holiday show with a host of classics like Santa Baby, Let it Snow and Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Production values will be high and the choreography aims to please the punters. In the 20 years since its inception, the LGMC has sung with Sir Elton John, The Human League and Mark Ronson in venues including Sydney Opera House, the Kennedy Centre in Washington and the Royal Albert Hall. This is set to be a big night. £15

Fri, Dec 16 at 7.30pm and Sat, Dec 17 at 3.30pm and 7.30pm 5 Sloane Terrace, SW1 9DQ cadoganhall.com Sloane Square

SANTA PUB CRAWL ACROSS LONDON Meet at Temple Walkabout for the first of a few festive pints, before you get dressed up as a Santa or Santa-ette. Then get chauffered around on a Routemaster via all the important London sights – like Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, the Tower of London and Big Ben – before ending up at Shepherd’s Bush Walkabout for a big Santa-themed Christmas party. £25

Sun, Dec 11. 11.30am-4.30pm Temple Station, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH walkabout.eu.com Temple

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If I wanted to chill out I’d go to Mexico, up a mountain or the nearest sofa. Saying that, I was painting in between a railway track, a main road and a giant office block in the City and a sudden sense of calm passed through me. The most interesting person I’ve met? I have a habit of befriending some odd characters: Jehovah’s Witnesses; drunk poets; homeless comedians; people that have a story to tell and have generally fallen from grace. Everyone is interesting if you tap beneath the surface.

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My favourite place for a drink is The Harp, Covent Garden. It’s a great people-clocking spot in an area with a rich graffiti history, and they serve that fermented apple drink from the West Country that takes me back to my formative years of adventures in cider-popping Bristol. When you’re hungover in London get on the choo-choo train that passes under our feet. Most people hate it but I love the history the Underground has and the people you see. I spend all week cooped away in a studio, so classic London stuff like that is still an awe-inducing novelty to me. What gets me up in the morning? An impending work schedule. I have a busy mind that kicks into gear before I open my eyes. I’ve recently been hungry for Mediterranean breakfasts at the Turkish joints in Dalston. Then I go to the art shop, Atlantis, to set myself up for lock down in front of a canvas. My perfect weekend would be to not have to work, be with my girlfriend and see where the wind takes us. Soaking up some culture (my current inspiration is The National Portrait Gallery, which is free and houses some Renaissance masterpieces) and some fervent partying into the night always does the trick. The last naughty thing I did was hopping out in the middle of my show to paint a piece by the tracks, I told everyone I’d gone to get a coffee. Five words that sum up London ... We live in a dreamworld. thesickboy.com 12

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Go drinking, Victorian-style

BAR THE SCENE A laidback and dimly lit traditional Victorian-style pub in Bloomsbury. Tucked down a side street, it’s quiet for a Saturday night, but that makes it a welcome escape from the glut of chock-full central London bars. THE GRUB A modern British bar menu with twists on hearty classics. Main courses include rich smoked haddock fishcakes with hollandaise and poached hen’s egg (£9.95), or a comforting pie of the day (we are lucky enough to have beef and red wine) with buttered mashed potato (£10.50). Cheese servings are small at £2.50 per slice, but they easily make up for that in quality. BEHIND THE BAR The extensive drinks menu is filled with wines from around the globe – and if it’s bad then it’s probably not on their menu. You’ll also find dessert wine, cognac port and sherry, plus a thorough list of American, Irish, Japanese, single malt and blended whisky. BILL PLEASE Starters from £5.50, mains from £9.50 and desserts start at £5.75. Expect to pay about £5-£6 for a glass of wine and about £4 for whisky. VERDICT The Lady Ottoline is what’s best about modern British bars. As it’s verging on a residential area it feels like you’ve stumbled on a (very welcoming) local. But it isn’t a place to get lashed, it’s best suited as somewhere to go in search of good food and quality drinks on a special occasion. CLARE VOOGHT

11a Northing Street, WC1N 2JF

3 OF THE BEST GAY BARS

theladyottoline.com

Chancery Lane

KAZBAR

RETRO BAR

Stylish but kind of small. Quirky staff and reasonable prices appeal to gay men and women of all ages. Head south of the river to Clapham Common for dancing, DJs and late nights.

Leave the Soho crowds for this hidden gem off the Strand, at 2 George Court. The bar has a relaxed atmosphere with deco that screams of a hipster student’s comfy lounge.

kazbarclapham.com

DATING

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love romance friendship... or just

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THE NEW BLOOMSBURY SET This cosy bar pumps out authentic cocktails with a punchy! Not crowded, this place is perfect for cuddling up on a cushy leather coach with someone special. newbloomsburyset.co.uk

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The Grazing Goat: British brilliance

DRINK TO A GOOD CAUSE Thankfully for the follicly challenged, there are more satisfying ways to support the Movember campaign. At the Devonshire Arms in Chiswick, you can buy a pie and a pint of Spitfire ale for £12, and £1 will go to the men’s health cause. The ale comes in a special edition Mo’ bottle with a rakish ‘tache on the label. The offer ends November 30. devonshirearmspub.com

TALKING TURKEY If all the talk of Christmas cooking makes you hungry, then whet your appetite with a three-course Thanksgiving meal at My Dining Room, Fulham between November 24-26. The French restaurant (the two countries have long shared a good relationship) will dish up a thoroughly American feast of clam chowder, roast turkey with green bean casserole, followed by pecan/pumpkin cheesecake and all washed down with a Coors Light or Anchor Steam. At £20 it’s a great deal, too. mydiningroom.net

GO CRACKERS FOR SNACK You can push your potato crisps to the side when you get a snack attack, because there’s a new product now available on supermarket shelves. Sakata Japanese rice crackers have already become picnic staple in Australia, now the crispy, low-fat snack is being stocked at Waitrose. There are four flavours threatening to take our tastebuds by storm – sour cream and chive, cheddar, classic barbecue and plain, for £1.99 a packet. ocado.com

THE GRAZING GOAT BRITISH THE SCENE The wooden cladding, faux deer heads and portraits of unknown nobles contribute to a quintessentially British dining experience, while low lighting and a casual atmosphere make this an excellent venue for a first date. There are also some boutique hotel rooms upstairs and a bustling pub on the ground floor. THE GRUB Immaculately presented British comfort food that is so much more than just pub fare. The deconstructed ploughman’s starter, complete with a mini pork pie, is easily big enough for two but tasty enough that you’ll want it all for yourself. Thankfully, my date gets her own starter so I don’t have to share. Her potted duck is a touch bland, but is saved by the delicious sweet chutney that accompanies it. My market fish of the day is a well-cooked, melt-in-the-mouth rainbow trout with a delightfully different bacon mash. My date’s chicken with bacon and sage stuffing is hearty and warming, although the chips are over-seasoned even for me, a salt junkie. Make sure you save room for a blondie. Embedded with pecan nuts and cranberries, the delicious dessert leaves us wanting more and I could easily wolf down another. The accompanying white chocolate ice cream is the icing on the cake, no pun intended. In contrast, the spiced apple tart and sea-salt caramel ice cream doesn’t blow us away. Although perhaps that’s just down to the competition it faces.

There’s a very extensive and carefully handpicked wine list and a number of good cocktails. Be sure to try the Basil Fawlty. BILL PLEASE Starters from £7; mains from £12.50; desserts from £6.50. A bottle of wine from £18; cocktails from £7. VERDICT Centrally located with a simple and unpretentious menu and well-presented dishes. Friendly staff and good wine finish off the package. AZZAM ALKADHI BEHIND THE BAR

6 New Quebec Street, W1H 7RQ

thegrazinggoat.co.uk

Marble Arch

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I just read the story on tntmagazine.com about the policeman who fell asleep down at the Occupy protest. It shows how there is a good vibe and a peaceful being among all those down at tent city! I think this tale really speaks volumes about the copper who seemed to be a little lost but instead of going to a police station for directions, he went to a protest camp and in the end was made to feel welcome and even given a bed for the night! What a great story ! Christian Belucky, via Facebook

NOT SO PRETTY? In the wake of the weekend’s protest at the Miss World competition at Earl’s Court, I’ve read defenders of the show describe it as “empowering” to women. How exactly? The only “power” it offers is a sexual power, a power reduces women to objects, and that benefits men only.

A woman’s worth should not be related to her body or how attractive she is. Sam Sellick, via facebook

Whether your version of London life is working all week to get trashed all weekend; exploring every corner of the UK on your time off; tramping all over Europe; or simply sitting in your local meeting folk every night, treasure it. Every now and then, stop what you’re doing – and breathe in deeply. Close your eyes for two seconds. When you open them, look where you really are. Home will be right where you left it, and it’ll be all the brighter for your London experience. Nicole Moody, via email Nicole wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

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BUNGA BUNGA Very disappointed to see Silvio Berlusconi is to drop off the scene. The whole eurozone financial crisis just got a whole less amusing. I hope he gets his own TV show one day! Manuel Gibbons, via email CHATROOM /29 XMAS TRAVEL /80

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VOTE IN NEW ZEALAND’S 2011 GENERAL ELECTION AND REFERENDUM Kiwis who are in London at this year’s General Election and Referendum on the Voting System can obtain their voting papers from Wednesday 9 November in one of the following ways: • Download their voting papers from the internet (www.elections.org.nz) • Apply to the Electoral Commission or the High Commission for postal voting papers • Vote in person at New Zealand House (Mon-Fri 10:00-16:00hrs and Saturday 19 Nov 10:00-16:00hrs) New Zealand High Commission New Zealand House 80 Haymarket London SW1Y 4TQ • Voting closes at the New Zealand High Commission 4.00pm, Friday 25 November.

Visit our website www.elections.org.nz

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Email overseas@elections.org.nz

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Reaching Nirvana: Little Roy’s musical journey has been lifelong

JAHN VANNISSELROY FOR THE RECORD It’s hard not to have a fondness for the Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All kids. In an increasingly commercialised world, the subversive, streetwise LA indie rap collective are keeping the punk spirit alive with their blistering live shows and wiseass irony. A pity, then, that Auckland City Council has banned frontman Tyler The Creator et al from the Big Day Out 2012 due to their homophobic lyrics. But it may be the wake-up call Tyler needs. He is obviously articulate, so it’s a little lazy on his part to continually use words that the gay community constantly tells him are the tools of the trade of bullies. Tyler should be the first person to be aware of the power of hate. Earlier this year, he tweeted about the racism he encountered while on tour in Brisbane, writing that it made him ‘uncomfortable’. Perhaps it’s time for Tyler, as Eminem before him, to apologise, perform a duet with Uncle Elton and start being a little smarter about how he uses his mouth.

LITTLE ROY Scala, 275 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL NOV 17 | DOORS AT 7.30 | £12.50

It was a daring move to release an LP of some of Kurt Cobain’s finest songs in a reggae style – one that could have easily backfired for artist Little Roy. Instead, the Jamaican-born Roy breathed a new life into Nirvana classics such as Dive, Polly, About A Girl and Very Ape, drawing a new following in the process. Battle For Seattle, released on Ark Recordings in September, shot to the top of the iTunes and Amazon reggae charts and drew rave reviews from music media throughout the world. One of the bonuses of the project was to showcase the strength of Cobain’s songwriting – to show the lyrics still worked well without the wounded screams and angry distortion. Another was Roy’s ability to take the more depressing songs and make them, at times, a little happier, a little more optimistic. The album may have dragged Rastafarian Roy, who has long maintained a cult following and a refusal to be overexposed, a little closer to the mainstream, but it was just another chapter in the story of this lifelong musician. After recording at legendary Studio One in Kingston Jamaica as a 12-year-old, Roy was on top of the Jamaican charts with Bongo Nyah while still a teen. Since then, he’s worked with the likes of Lee Scratch Perry and was highly rated by Bob Marley, who referred to him simply as ‘music’. More recently, you may have heard Roy’s hit Tribal War sampled by Nas and Damian Marley on the Distant Relatives LP. Get along to hear those years of experience combine to produce an evening of sprightly rhythms and soulful singing. No doubt you’ll be feeling irie by the end. scala-london.co.uk

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NEW BAND

GOGOL BORDELLO GIG FRI, NOV 18. 7PM £19.25

The New York City outfit bring their jaunty combination of Gypsy music, punk, ska, Latin and cabaret to London. It might be an acoustic set but Gogol Bordello are one of the great live bands on Earth, so their energy and enthusiasm won’t be diminished one bit. This should be one raucous evening. Electric Ballroom 184 Camden High St, NW1 8QP eletcricballroom.co.uk Camden Town

Photos: Getty

FOUND AT HIDDEN

GILLES PETERSON: HAVANA CULTURA

CLUB

FRI, NOV 18. 10PM £15

SAT, NOV 19, 9PM £15

If you like your music with a severe dose of bass, here’s one not to be missed. This new clubnight serves up a wicked smorgasbord of progressive electronic music. It’s part of a series of 13 Friday night events, so keep checking in for quality dubstep, dub, UK house, 2-step, garage, and drum & bass.

You know when Gilles Peterson’s playing the tunes, they’re going to be good. The musical tastemaker will bring a slice of the Cuban capital’s underground music scene, complete with a live band. Enjoy the flavour of a combined dish of jazz, soul, traditional Cuban rhythms and hip-hop. Tasty indeed.

Hidden 100 Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ hiddenclub.co.uk Vauxhall

Electric Brixton Brixton Hill, SWJ 1RJ electricbrixton.com Brixton

BEADY EYE

SKRILLEX AFTERSHOW PARTY AT FABRIC

MESHELL NDEGEOCELLO

GIG

CLUB

GIG

THU, NOV 17. 7PM £28.50

WED, NOV 16.10PM £13

FRI, NOV 18. 7PM £22.50

Beady Eye have not had the impact they would have liked since Noel Gallagher left the band formerly known as Oasis, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get along and see Liam and the rest of the gang put on a damn good rock’n’roll show. Don’t expect any Live Forever, Champagne Supernova or the likes, though.

The LA electro/ dubstep wunderkind may have his haters who aren’t impressed by his remixing of Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars, but stuff them. They won’t have the joy of getting down to Skrillex’s (pictured) twisted, welcoming, highenergy celebration, soon after his sold-out Koko show the same night.

Chill out in the musically sophisticated presence of the women widely accepted as sparking the neo-soul genre of the late Eighties/ early Nineties. Ndegeocello backs up her outstanding vocals by being an accomplished multiinstrumentalist. You’d be a cold person not to enjoy her beautiful voice nibbling at your ears.

Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL 02academybrixton.co.uk Brixton

Fabric 77a Charthouse St, EC1M 6HJ Fabriclondon.com Farringdon

Jazz Cafe 5 Parkway, NW1 7PG ticketmaster.co.uk Camden Town

14TH THE BUZZ SO FAR Made up of singer Tracey Duodu and producer Tom Barber, 14th create an extremely pleasant slice of electronic pop – if it’s fair to label it so simply. They take inspiration from a wide range of styles: 2-step, space-pop, avante garde soul, garage, dance and dubstep to create an intriguing sonic journey. Duodu’s quirky but soulful voice floats so well over Barber’s well-crafted sounds, but he also demonstrates he’s also no slouch behind the mike on new EP Hide Yourself. Check ‘em out today. THE CRITICS SAY “Each track offers a slightly different prospective of their eclecticism. 2012 will be theirs” Pinboardblog.com THE PLUG Wed Nov 16 Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, N1 6NU hoxtonsquare.com Old Street

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CLUBLISTINGS MONDAY 14

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

BOOK NOW!

Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £5.

YoYo Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, dubstep, garage and grime, plus live music. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7.30pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

East Wing X Presents Any New Material? Madboy Zimba and Fabio Lendrum spin UK funky, grime, hip-hop, electro and bashment, plus live folk music from Roo Panes, Josh Flowers & The Wild and Stokes, William. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £6. I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, NUS £1.50. Mojo Mondays Resident DJs spin indie and electro, plus live bands. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). 9pm-late. £5-£20. Popcorn Jonesey, Jamie Hammond, Harvey Adam, Terry T Rex and spin dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm. Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). 9pm-late. £7, concs £4.

TUESDAY 15 Dirty Fuxx DJ Will Manning spins house, techno, electro, hip-hop, R‘n’B, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 9pm-1am. £5, NUS £4, NUS free before 10.30pm. Forca Brasil DJ Fred spins salsa, samba and Latin tunes, plus live bands. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am, last adm 1pm. £4, free before 9pm. Gentlemen’s Relish Steve Furst, Michael Smiley and Mark Webster spin funk, Northern Soul, ska and Latin. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 7pm-midnight. £5. OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

FRIDAY 18 Blaue Nacht Jamma and Max spin techno, house and electro. The Russian Bar, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AS (07916 119541). 10pm-5am. £5-£7.

FERRY CORSTEN: FULL-ON FERRY Brixton Academy, December 31. £39.38 The Dutch trance and progressive house extraordinaire will deliver one of his mind-blowing audiovisual extravaganzas for NYE SW9 9SL

ticketmaster.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 16

THURSDAY 17

Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

The After Work Jam TC Fords, Invasion Crew, Jag 1 Sound and Patrick J supply R‘n’B, dancehall, soca and funk. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (020 8993 2915). 8pm-late. £5, free before 11pm.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Balada House Brazilian and South American soul, funk and house from DJ Jose Luis, plus live music from Family Funk. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. £5, free before 9pm.

Earnest Endeavours Samiyam, Tokimonsta, Kutmah. Free The Robots and Patchwork Pirates spin electro, indie and disco. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 9pm-1am. £10. Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight. Fat Poppa Daddys Resident DJs spin hip-hop, electro, house, indie and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £5. Madd Raff Wednesdays The Heatwave supply bashment and dancehall, plus a dance session with dancehall instructor Safwaan Shoshoni of Pineapple Studios. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 6pm-1am. £5. N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2. Skrillex Aftershow Party Electro, house and dubstep supplied by the American DJ and producer. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-3am. £12. Streets Of Beige Resident DJs spin hip-hop, house and bass, plus live performances from Shigeto, Lapalux and Greenwood. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 9pm-2am. £7, adv £5.

White Heat DJs spin indie, electronica, post-punk and rock, plus live music from New Villager. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 8pm-3am. £7.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O and Tasty Tim spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

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C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm-3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm. Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £15, concs £10. Hat Club Katie Cooper, Damien Stone, Danny Keston spin uplifting house. Piccadilly Institute, London Pavillion, Piccadilly, W1V 9LA (020 7287 8008). 5pm-3am. £10, £7 before midnight, £5 before 10.30pm, NUS £2. Local Posse Lazy Habits, More Like Trees, John Fairhurst Trio and Reeps One spin hip-hop, rock and indie. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 8pm-1am. £5, free before 9pm. The Mink Revue Resident DJs play blues, R‘n’B, funk, swing and soul, plus live burlesque and cabaret performances. RS Lounge, Woodford New Rd, E17 3PR (020 8509 6450). 8.30pm-late. £8. Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pmmidnight. £10, £7.50 skate hire. Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188). 10pm3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10.

Dance Rocks House, R‘n’B, chart, indie and 1980s and 1990s hits. The Watershed, The Broadway, SW19 1SD (020 8540 0080). 11pm3am. £8, £5 before midnight. Every Thing Sucks Pop-punk from Everything Sucks and Hassle Records DJs, plus live music from Smokey Basd. El Paso, Old St, EC1V 9NQ (020 7739 4202). 9pm-2am. £8. Flawless Justin Wilkes, Steve Westover, Tom Upton, Paul Sharp, Conor Gilchrist and John Minogue spin house, electro, techno and funk. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-5am. £15, adv £10, NUS £6, £12 guestlist. Hot Wuk The Heatwave, Sticky and Robbo Ranx provide bashment and dancehall. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9.30pm-3.30am. £10, adv £7. Lock And Load Events & UKF The DJ and producer Andy C plays live drum ‘n’ bass. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). 9pm-5am. £15. One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, dance anthems, R‘n’B, hip-hop and commercial dance. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm. Phenomenal Fridays Stevie C plays chart on the ground floor, while Rob Clarke provides house in the basement. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188). 4pm-3.30am. £10, guestlist free before 11pm. Silence Presents Zip, Baby Ford and Silent Collective supply electro and techno plus Ion Ludwig plays live. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). 10pm-late. £15, concs £10 guestlist. Therapy Electro-pop and dance from DJs Miswhite, Paul Heron and Sonathaq. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm. Warm Lone, Midland and residents provide electronica house, disco and dubstep. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 10pm-4am. £10, adv £8.

SATURDAY 19 Bodymove Winter Warm Up Norman Jay and CJ Mackintosh spin house, electro and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-10am. £13. Fabric Dyed Soundorom, dOP, Masomenos, Marcel Fengler, Shifted, Terry Francis and Eddie Richards spin house, electro and techno, plus Planetary Assault System and Lula Circus perform live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, £23 inc CD. Gutterball Jonny Woo, Hannah Holland, Alexander Parade, Per QX, Nic Fisher, Miss Crystal MC and Miami And Her Sound Machine supply house, disco and electro. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 10pm-6am. £15, adv £10. House Clique Resident DJs provide house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. Metalheadz Presents The History Sessions Goldie, Total Science, Doc Scott, Ed Rush, Bailey, DJ Die, DJ Lee, Flight, Clarky, Neighbourhood featuring Wookie, Blue Fontaine, Josey Rebelle and Tasha supply drum ‘n’ bass, with MCs Justyce, GQ and Moose. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. £15, adv/NUS £12. Prime Time Kevsey D, Aaron James, Matt G, Pixiee, Jake Martin and Hemlock spin hard house and hard trance. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 11pm-7am. £12, £6 before midnight, mems free before midnight. Ride Filthy Few and Jay Karim spin electro, indie, disco and hiphop, plus live burlesque acts. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10. Shake Disco and pop from DJ John Osbourne and Paul C in the main room, while DJ Milo plays party anthems in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10pm-3.15am. £10, NUS/mems £8 before 11.30pm.

SUNDAY 20 Grin Presents Kaiserdisco, So Called Scumbags, Tim Cullen & D James, Mark Batch, Ash B and Ben Jammin spin house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 2pm-11pm. Free. In The Box DJs Enzo Gomes, Manjit, Clubholic, Kid K and Beppe Gallo play dance and electro. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 7pm-1am. £10, £5 before 9pm, ladies free before 9pm. Notting Hill Arts Club Presents DJs Olli Russian and MyJuicebox spin hip-hop and soul, plus live performances from To Kill A King, Youth Imperial and Catgut. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 6pm-1am. £6, adv £5.

Photos: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once Is Never Enough Resident DJs spin dance anthems, R‘n’B, commercial hits and funky house. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £11, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Brixton

Cellardoor Scott Harding, DJ Kwesi, Kenny Sykes and Farouk Deen play deep house, soulful house and tech-house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

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MONDAY 14

BOOK NOW!

Charles Bradley Soul from the Brooklyn-based singer. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £15. Cake The Californian outfit plays country-tinged alternative rock. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £29.50.

Stephen Malkmus And The Jicks The American singer-songwriter, musician and Pavement member leads his indie-pop and rock outfit in support of their album Minor Traffic. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16.50.

FRIDAY 18 6 Day Riot, Loretta Maine The London-based band plays folkpop. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10, adv £8.

METALLICA AT DOWNLOAD Donington Park. June 8-10, 2012. £TBC Metal’s favourite sons are back to play The Black Album in its entirety as they headline this annual festival. Rock on with your bad selves! DE74 2RP

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WEDNESDAY 16

The Mastersons Indie-folk and Americana by the Texasbased outfit. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £10.

Marcus Bonfanti The Londonbased musician plays smoky blues. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.

Rihanna, Calvin Harris Charttopping R‘n’B from the Barbadosborn starlet, promoting her album Loud. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £40-£55.

Death Cab For Cutie Melodic indie-rock from the American four-piece, promoting its album, Codes And Keys. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £22.50.

The Secret Sisters The Alabama-based duo plays pop-tinted country. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £16.

TUESDAY 15 Cults The New York-based band plays alt pop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £10. Insomnium Melodic death metal by the Finnish band. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12. King Krule Experimental and ambient music by Londonbased musician, Archy Marshal. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). £7.50. Catherine Ringer French pop from the singer-songwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50. Roxette Pop music from the Swedish duo, famous for hits including It Must Have Been Love, Listen To Your Heart and The Look. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £35. Saravah Soul, The Soul Immigrants Afrobeat and Brazilian funk fusion by the London-based band. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10-£20. Tir Eolas Contemporary folk by the London-based combo. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £6. Washed Out Dream pop from the American singer-songwriter. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £10.

Ali Azimi, King Raam Indie-rock by the singer-songwriter and member of Radio Tehran. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £15.

Yes The influential prog rock outfit performs its hits and promotes its album Fly From Here. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £37.50.

Gorgoroth, Vader, Valkyrja Black metal from the Norwegian fivepiece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £18. Glenn Hughes Classic rock from the singer and bassist, currently a member of Black Country Communion. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £20.

SATURDAY 19

The Taj Mahal Trio The American musician leads his outfit in playing blues infused with Cajun, reggae, roots and other world styles. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £30.

Beverley Knight, Omar The soulful singer-songwriter and producer performs her hits as well as music from her album Soul UK. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £20-£37.50. The Low Anthem Americana and folk-rock outfit from the US. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £18.50.

East Midlands Parkway

YukSek Electronica from the French musician. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12.50.

THURSDAY 17 The Bag Band Contemporary blues by guitarist Nigel Bagge and colleagues. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £20. Beady Eye Pop-rock and indie from Liam Gallagher’s outfit. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £28.50. Bellowhead, ahab Folk veterans Jon Boden and John Spiers lead an 11-piece band for folk dances played on bouzoukis, banjos, flugelhorn and wind-up toys. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50 & £22.50.

Aurelio Martinez The Honduras-born singer, guitarist, composer and percussionist performs roots music. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15, adv £12.

William Fitzsimmons Indiefolk by the Jacksonvillebased singer-songwriter. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15.

Neon Indian Indie-electro with a psychedelic twist by the US-based musician Alan Palomo. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £10.

Guillemots Fyfe Dangerfield and his quirky indie-rock outfit promote their third album Walk The River. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £17.50.

Rainy Boy Sleep Indie-pop by the Derry-based singersongwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £16.50.

Gwen McCrae The American singer performs soul, blues and R‘n’B. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £20.

Kim Richey The Nashville-based singer performs Americana and folk-rock. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £12.50.

My Brightest Diamond American singer-songwriter and musician Shara Worden leads her outfit in playing experimental pop with classical, rock and folk influences. St-Giles-In-The-Fields, St Giles High St, WC2H 8LG (020 7240 2532/ cc 020 7403 3331). £15.

Joanne Shaw Taylor Midlandsbased blues singer-songwriter and her band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15. Tom Vek The London-based singer and musician performs a blend of electronic beats and indie-rock, in support of his album Leisure Seizure. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.50.

Mike Peters Indie-rock with a flavour of punk by the singersongwriter and ex-frontman of The Alarm O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.50. The Pigeon Detectives Indie-rock from the Leeds-based five-piece. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £17.50.

A Day To Remember, Aug Burns Red, The Ghost Inside, Living With Lions Pop-punk with metal influences from the Florida-based five-piece. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £18.50.

J Balvin, David Pabon Latin hip-hop by the Colombian singer. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). £30. Bob Dylan The world-famous folk, country, blues and protest singer-songwriter from Hibbing, performs material from his enormous catalogue. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £65 & £75. The Hotknives The outfit plays ska. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £20. Kawabata Makoto Psychedelic noise-rock from the Japanese musician. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £12, adv £10.

The End A one-day indie, pop and rock event featuring She Keeps Bees, Alex Highton, Oh Ruin, RM Hubbert and Thomas Mery, among others. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £12. Freedom Call, Arthemis Melodic power metal by the German band. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £13.50. Funkification Funk, soul and disco eight-piece. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm. Kanonxkanon The duo performs Japanese pop. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £24.

KMFDM Industrial rock by the German band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16. Jim Lauderdale, Danni Nicholls The American singer-songwriter and musician plays bluegrass and country. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £13.50. Gilles Peterson Presents The Havana Cultura Band Alt, Latin and World music from the DJ and his band featuring Roberto Carcasses, Danay Suarez and Edrey from Ogguere, plus DJ sets from Louie Vega and Simbad. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £12. Eric Ranzoni Blues Band Piano-led blues outfit. Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50 before 10pm.

Nicko McBrain Metal from the Iron Maiden drummer. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15. The Mob Alt punk by the reformed band. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £12.50, adv £12. Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul from the seven-piece. Boisdale Of Belgravia, Eccleston St, SW1W 9LX (020 7730 6922). £12, £4.50. The Rosemary Works, Whelligan, The A Train Indie-pop band from London. Lauderdale House, Highgate Hill, Waterlow Park, N6 5HG (020 8348 8716). £12.50. Shush The London-based fourpiece plays alt pop-rock. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10 before 11pm, NUS £8, £4. SOAS Rebetiko Band Traditional Greek Rebetiko music by the band. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £10. Stan Webb’s Chicken Shack, Sean Taylor Classic blues by the veteran guitarist, with his roots in the British blues boom of 1960s. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £16.50.

The Spikedrivers The trio performs bluesy folk and Americana. Brook’s Blues Bar, The Telegraph, Telegraph Rd, SW15 3TU (020 8788 2011). £12. The Webb Sisters Folk-pop by the Kent-born duo. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £18.

SUNDAY 20 Adam Ant & The Good The eccentric singer-songwriter performs his punk-infused pop hits with his band. Troxy, Commercial Rd, E1 0HX (020 7748 2728). £25. Bush Contemporary rock by the established band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £35. Chuck Fenda Reggae from the American singer-songwriter. The Hootananny, Effra Rd, SW2 1DF (020 7737 7273). £20, adv £15. Pearly Gates Soul by the American singer and ex-member of The Flirtations, Viola Billups. The Shaw Theatre, Euston Rd, NW1 2AJ (0870 033 2600). £20. Genevieve Lemon Mainstream jazz, blues and showtunes by the Australian vocalist and actress. King’s Head, Islington, Upper St, N1 1QN (020 7478 0160). £10.

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Clockwise: foraging class; Jimmy McLennan; street photography; Andrew Pegramâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work; steel drums lesson

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Absolutely Amazings Forget splashing out at Christmas on gifts easily forgotten. Instead, opt for an experience at a real school of life WORDS CAROL DRIVER Ah Christmas. That time of year where rational thought flies out the window and we clamber in our droves to spend what we don’t have in brightly lit shopping centres flaunting shiny things we can’t really afford. ’Christmas is a time for giving’ so the saying goes, but for many, this year more than ever, it’s going to be a time for keeping a tight grip on the purse strings. Besides, as the country continues to scrutinise capitalism’s effects ever more closely, spending a week’s salary on an Xmas gift for a loved one may seem, well, a tad vulgar. So what can you do (apart from checking out our gifts guide on P35) without looking like a Scrooge? “Instead of splurging, which isn’t something anyone wants to do, why not offer an experience?“ suggests Katie Harris, who set up The Amazings three months ago. Although it may sound slightly red letter day-esque, it’s a world away from whizzing a supercar around a circuit and paying £200 for the privilege. Based in Hackney, east London, the company offers classes run by mainly retired Londoners who teach the practical skills they have learned during their lives. Activities include spending a day foraging at Tower Hamlets Cemetery Park; a cookery lesson with a chef who has worked around the world in top hotels; learning how to play the steel pan; making your own medicine; joining a Tai Chi class; and taking part in a street photography workshop. “We realised the solutions for the ageing population were typically doing things for them like the daycare centre, meals on wheels, carers,“ Harris, 27, says. “But the majority of older people we met are able-bodied, passionate and are skilled. They are willing to give their time and skills back to the public, but it wasn’t easy to do. “There are ways, such as volunteering, but it can leave people out of pocket. And we didn’t want our Amazings to feel as though they were giving something to the community and not getting something back in return.“ Instead, the company sells classes with their skilled tutors for between £5 and £30, of which, The Amazings take home 70 per cent. So who are these Amazings? And how does Harris find them? The company’s promotional staff don sandwich-board signs and scour the streets of Hackney, looking for people with outstanding skills. The would-be teachers are then ’vetted’, to make sure they not only know their stuff, but

that they are also personable – the type of people you’d want to spend a few hours with. It’s essential the classes are positive, worthwhile and upbeat, rather than stuffy and dull. Those two words would never be used to describe Jimmy McLennan – who was approached by The Amazings while on his way to Tesco to do a weekly shop. The 60-year-old retired chef has prepared food for Clarence House and the Queen Mother, catered for the Henley Regatta and worked as a chef for Hilton Hotels across the globe. “I started in the Strand Palace in London in 1969,” he explains in a Scottish-Canadian drawl. “I moved from there to the Hilton Park Lane and for 14 strenuous years worked around the world for them.” So how does the Hackney Community College compare to Miami or Japan? “It’s great because it’s a proper training college. The hard part of taking this class is scaling down the dishes for six people – I’m used to catering for thousands,” McLennan laughs. In a two-hour session (costing £25 – who needs to fork out hundreds for a masterclass with a celeb chef?), participants ››

There's one! Success for the foragers TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Tasty stuff: in McLennan's cookery class

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than 15 years’ experience to be. He’s worked in first-class salons, styled A-list locks and is one of the clippers behind Toppers of Hackney. Billed as “the answer to your hair envy nightmares“, his first session tomorrow (Tues) – Quick Up Dos With Michael – does what it says on the tin. For £15, guests will receive an hour-long class, four style ideas and a glass of wine. “It’s perfect for the party season, when you’re going out straight from work and don’t have

“

I have the maturity – but it's still scary!

”

a lot of time,“ says Cimino, who refuses to reveal his age. “The Amazings is of its time; people don’t quite know what’s going on with the economy at the moment. And there’s a huge backlash to all things vintage,“ he adds. “I think it’s a brilliant concept for people to be able to show their skills.“ Although The Amazings is only three months old, it’s already gaining momentum and support. Founder Harris says she has plans to expand nationally, should the growth continue. But she is keen to point out that although The Amazings is about supporting the community, it’s ultimately a business, with a desire to expand and make money. “When you buy an Amazings experience, it’s like doing something ... I don’t want to say nice, because that makes us sound like a charity, and we’re not, it’s interesting things – it’s a real experience,“ she says. And as keeping it real is what this Christmas will be about for many, enrolling in this school of life might be just what the budget ordered – try it, you might just learn something. ❚ The Amazings classes are held at various venues in Hackney. To buy gift vouchers, courses or to get involved, see theamazings.org

Photos: The Amazings; Andrew Pegram – http://ajpegram.blogspot.com

learn how to prepare three dishes (last week was pumpkin and sweet potato spicy soup; pan-fried sea bream with oriental vegetables; and stuffed Portobello mushrooms with goats’ cheese). All the ingredients are included in the price of the class, as is a well-earned glass of wine as you polish off your creation at the end of the session. “I source all the food – that’s the part I love; going to all the markets. You can buy anything in London now,“ McLennan, 60, adds. “During the class, I put people at ease as quickly as possible. Some work quickly and some work slowly – it’s not timed. Then they can decide whether to take their food home or to sit and eat it with the group.“ For The Amazings’ Andrew Pegram, a working artist who leads the street photography class, using older tutors is relevant because of the skills they can share – but he admits it’s still nerve-wracking. “It’s not just that I have the experience to teach what I do with a certain amount of self-assurance, I also have the maturity to do it,“ the 60-year-old says. “But it’s still quite scary, starting something new like this and meeting people.“ For Pegram’s class, you’ll need preferably a digital camera and £20 for three hours of his expertise as you wander the streets of Hackney, learning how to capture a masterpiece. The group explores the gritty streets, with Pegram explaining the subjects to look for and how to snap the perfect shot. Preparing his 15th exhibition this year, the former interior designer takes inspiration from Frenchman Henri Cartier-Bresson, the father of modern photojournalism, and encourages capturing moments instead of structures. “It’s about the unexpected. Finding people in unusual circumstances and catching it,“ he says. “We see unusual aspects of life all the time, but it’s catching that really unusual moment and preserving it forever. I’m trying to catch that unusual happenstance.“ Perhaps less unusual and more practical is The Amazings hair-styling class run by Michael Cimino. He’s as colourful and flamboyant as you would expect a hairdresser with more

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AN EIGHT- OR NINE-DAY EGYPT OR MOROCCO TOUR FOR TWO TNT and Travel Talk are teaming up again to give one lucky winner a choice of an eight- or nine-day Egypt or Morocco tours for two. Pharaohs, pyramids, papyrus and the Ptolemies – Egypt has seen them all and more – this makes it one of the most exciting destinations in the world. From the sphinx and the pyramids at Giza to the marvels of Tutankhamen’s tomb, it truly is a land where the monument-building instincts of man seem to have been on permanent overdrive! Between the Mediterranean and

Atlantic, Europe and Africa, Morocco has always been a land of exchanges and encounters. Since early Antiquity, it has been a land of successive invasions, by the Phoenicians, then the Romans and the Byzantines. Travel Talk tours takes you to a world of an exceptional cultural and natural heritage, including impressive imperial cities, medinas with their magical colours, traditional souks and markets, fantastic valleys and mountains in great convenience.

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Stephen Mulhern The magician and Britain’s Got More Talent presenter tells us about his run-ins with giant spiders and mad Jedward fans INTERVIEW ALISON GRINTER

You’re always doing spin-off shows like Dancing On Ice Defrosted and Britain’s Got More Talent: when are you going to get a prime-time show of your own? I’m always on TV around 6.30pm, what I call the Jim’ll Fix It slot, when the whole family can sit down and watch it. But to get a prime-time show you need to display your worth and learn your craft. I’m virtually there. I’m in talks for a new Saturday night entertainment programme that brings back some of the old-school elements of shows like the Generation Game or Noel’s House Party but brings them up to date. What’s the most challenging thing you’ve ever done as a TV presenter? We used to do this show called Brilliant Creatures, which looked at some of the wildest animals from around the world. We went to the Amazon, which was an amazing experience but, stupidly, I didn’t anticipate some of the things we had to deal with. For example, there was this thing called the Goliath bird-eating spider, which is the size of a plate. You can actually see its eyes blinking, that’s how big it was – it was just horrible. You’d come out of your hut and they would be everywhere. It was like a horror film. And they wouldn’t move; they weren’t scared of people. I just thought, I don’t want to do this. Looking at some of your fan messages online, people seem to really love you. There isn’t a bad word against you. Why? It’s because I don’t seem to do anything that warrants any negativity, really. The only time I’ve ever had a bit of a backlash, which slightly shocked me to be honest, was when I had Jedward on Britain’s Got More Talent. We were making some jokes, admittedly aimed at them, but on Twitter I was threatened: “How dare you take the mick out of Jedward … we know where your studios are and we’ll come down!” It was a nightmare. I spoke to producer because I didn’t think the interview warranted that response. Jedward were fine about it and came back on the show. Jedward’s fans sound more obsessive than yours. Although one of your fans followed you around a supermarket. It’s scary how immediate Twitter and Facebook

Give him a big hand: Stephen Mulhern are. Sometimes when someone’s got their phone you just know they’re either taking a photo or making a video. They think they’re being quite clever and sly but in reality they might as well have a big placard going “I’m Taking A Picture Of You!” I was in a restaurant in Leicester Square the other day and I just knew this girl was making a video of me, which is quite rude – if people want a photo they only have to ask. Within five minutes I was online. That’s amazing, and scary! You started out as a Butlins redcoat. How important was that training for what you do now? I’ve always said this: I believe being a redcoat is better training than any drama school could ever be. I’m talking about being a performer, not an actor. You just have to get up and do it. I’ve had friends who went to drama school and after two years of their course, they still didn’t know their craft. Like they don’t know how to make an audience cheer at a certain point. You learn those clever little technical things as a redcoat. You’re also a magician. Ever had a trick go spectacularly wrong? I used to do corporate events around tables, and I’d do this trick where I’d borrow someone’s ring and make it disappear. A couple of jokes down the line you make it reappear. I did this

trick one night and the ring was no longer there. My heart sunk and I had to say to the woman: “I’ve lost your ring.” The problem was the whole table started laughing cos they thought it was a gag. I had to say: “No, I’m being serious. I’ve lost your ring, it must be on the floor.” And the whole table had to get down on their hands and knees. We found the ring but I don’t do that trick anymore – it made me feel physically sick! What did the Queen say to you when you met her? She said I was an amusing young man and shook my hand and I said: “Thank you very much.” You just get so nervous. There’s something about the whole etiquette – you’re not allowed to talk to her before she talks to you – so you’re waiting in the line and you’re thinking: “What do I say?” What panto have you got lined up for later this year? I’m doing Cinderella (The Marlowe Theatre, Kent), my favourite pantomime story. I’m playing Bottoms, Cinderella’s best friend ... who loses out to Prince Charming. It’s a really nice story and I get to do a lot of illusions during the show. Stephen Mulhern hosted Febreze’s first UK breathe happy experiment. To see a roundup from the experiment visit facebook.com/febrezeuk

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‘Dude, stop asking if me and Jason Donovan were gay for each other on Neighbours’

JUSTICE FILM review by Pierre de Villiers STARRING: Nicolas Cage, Guy Pearce, January Jones | 15 | 105mins

TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN FILM STARRING: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson 12A | 117mins

The moment Twihards have been waiting for: Bella and Edward get hitched and run off to Rio for their first shag. Finally, Stephanie Meyer’s protracted Mormon allegory about the importance of abstinence culminates on-screen in a wince-inducing pillowbiting sequence. Still, it will gross several-hundred million, so it must be good, right? 30

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Even by Nicolas Cage’s recent piss-poor standards Justice is frustratingly bad. Contrived, boring and a real waste of some decent acting talent, Roger Donaldson’s action thriller offers little action and few thrills despite an interesting setting and premise. Cage stars as New Orleans schoolteacher Will Gerard, whose wife Laura (Jones) is raped and badly beaten. Cage is approached in the hospital by the mysterious Simon (Pearce), who offers to make the rapist pay. All Gerard has to do is say the word and Simon’s organisation will kill the man who attacked his wife. In return, they will ask a small favour in the future. After Gerard agrees, he discovers the price he has to pay is much higher than anticipated. While a post-Katrina New Orleans forms a fascinating backdrop – the climax takes place in a flood-damaged shopping mall – Justice is brought undone by plotholes wide enough for Cage to drive his product-placement car through. One unlikely twist follows another – the bad guys are clever enough to infiltrate the police but forget to lock the car-doors when they kidnap someone – as Gerard’s search for the truth soon becomes tedious. What’s really unforgivable is that Justice doesn’t give the likes of Jones and Pearce anything to sink their teeth into and is so low on proper action scenes. When the most exciting on-screen moment is a man trying to cross a busy road, you know a film is in trouble. GOOD FOR: Those who are easily pleased

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This benefit for Friends Of The Earth boasts a cracking line-up of comedians, including kohl-eyed funnyman Tim Minchin, who seems to get more hilarious with each passing season, and Greg Davies who plays the off-kilter headmaster on The Inbetweeners and pops up in every second TV panel show.

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Hammersmith Apollo 45 Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH. Nov 8. £19.50 ticketmaster.co.uk Hammersmith

TERENCE CONRAN: THE WAY WE LIVE

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Conran’s career in design spanned more than 50 years and his influence can be seen in the evolution of homes and homeware of the past half-century. He specialised in interior decoration and architecture but also went into retail and restaurateuring. A fascinating retrospective on the way domestic bliss has changed.

Thandie Newton’s move from screen to stage is more competent than revelatory in ArgentineChilean Ariel Dorfman’s tense, post-Pinochet three-hander from 1991. Convinced a random visitor is the Schubert-loving doctor who raped and tortured her 15 years earlier, her fragile Paulina is determined to exact revenge. LK

Design Museum Shad Thames, SE1 2YD. Nov 16-March 4. £8 designmuseum.org Waterloo

Harold Pinter Theatre Panton Street, SW1Y 4DN. Until Jan 21. £10+ haroldpintertheatre.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

JOE WILKINSON What’s your show My Mum’s Called Stella And My Dad’s Called Brian about? My show is about the fact I have done nothing. I have had such a normal life which means I have bugger all to talk about. Selfishly, my parents brought me up well so I have suffered no real hardships. I’ve got nothing to complain about but my parents do tend to say and do quite funny things so I’ll tell you about those. Doe that mean you’re boring? I probably am boring as I love the Canal Museum. What’s so fascinating about being ordinary? I think most people are ordinary so hopefully they can relate to my stories of nonsense.

MAGIC TRIP

BACKBEAT

FILM

THEATRE

STARRING: Ken Kesey, Neal Cassady | 15 | 107mins This documentary follows the adventures of The Merry Pranksters, the motley crew of drug-addled beat poets who embarked on an epic cross-country road trip in 1964, spreading their message of free love and psychedelia to a country of squares. A must for fans of Jack Kerouac’s On The Road.

There’s much more to Stephen Jeffrey and Iain Softley’s adaptation (of the latter’s 1994 film) than just a string of cover songs. Set in the Sixties, it centres on Andrew Knott’s witty and jealous John Lennon, his art school friend Stuart Sutcliffe and Astrid Kirchherr, the photographer who seduced Stu away from a life of music. LK

At selected cinemas

Duke of York’s Theatre WC2N 4BG. Until March 24. £15+ duke-ofyorks.official-theatre.co.uk Charing Cross

What’s your biggest phobia? Tissues. Scrunched up tissues make me lose my mind. I will get off the train if I see one. Tell us your favourite joke. I think it was told by Vic Reeves: “I dreamt I ate my pillow and when I woke up, my huge marshmellow had gone.” My Mum’s Called ... on Dec 3. £12.50 Bloomsbury Theatre, 15 Gordon St, WC1H thebloomsbury.com Euston Square

0AH

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SPARETIME

Eleanor Friedberger: Last Summer

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Mario And Sonic At The London 2012 Olympic Games

The female half of indie rock duo The Fiery Furnaces releases her debut solo album. £7.99 play.com

Wii

There’s a roster of new events, including equestrian and football, to ignite fierce competition between friends. £32.99 base.com

Snow Patrol: Fallen Empires

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Picamo Douglas Coupland: Highly Inappropriate Tales for Young People

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National Geographic Megacities

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Bridesmaids DVD

A chick flick with a good deal of toilet humour and slapstick which makes it perfectly suitable for men, too. £9.97 Amazon.co.uk

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Linked with 02 to give you an Android on PAYG. It’s a smartphone for the masses. £89.99 02.co.uk

App of the Week Christmas!! iPhone

Crank up your Yuletide obsession with this app featuring jokes, festive songs, a countdown and even an advent calendar. Free apple.com/itunes

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MARKETWATCH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Christmas shoppers, get ready. More than 120 stores in Covent Garden are joining forces on December 1 to bring you an evening retail bonanza. Goods among the boutiques and vintage outlets in the Seven Dials, including American Apparel, Yumi and Nike, will be marked down 20 per cent for shoppers brandishing a voucher (get one at sevendials.co.uk). Since shopping is thirsty work, there’s also a free drink in it for voucher-holders who visit the St Martin’s Courtyard pop-up bar. It pays to be early, as the first 100 shoppers at the gift-wrapping bar get their purchases wrapped for free, and there’s a free meal for the first 25 voucher-holders on the scene, too. As if that’s not enough, 100 golden tickets for gifts worth £5-£150 will be bestowed to shoppers at random. It’s a bargain hunter’s delight! Carol singers, DJs and live music will provide the seasonal cheer. OPEN Dec 1, 5-9pm COST 20 per cent off retail price sevendials.co.uk Covent Garden, Westminster, WC2E 8 Covent Garden

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‘the butcher for all your needs’ polskie miĊso, wĊdliny i kieábasy

BUTCHERS

THE ONLY SAFFA SHOP THIS SIDE OF LONDON just behind Morrisons on the Horn Lane

Tel:020 8993 8823 www.thesaffashop.com

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Best ever quality Biltong , Drywors, Boerewors and loads of fresh meat cut to perfection Style

WE ALSO STOCK: Marinated chicken flatties flattened with a different style for better evenly cooking or bbq [braai] Marinated Blou Bull Steaks and the best “T” bone steaks you can think of

BITES Chilli bites, bbq bites, original bites, sweet chilli bites, chutney bites, garlic bites (freshly grated over the meat), extra hot chilli bites (comes with a free roll of toilet paper). All the bites are made from mature rump of beef that melts in your mouth. SMOKED MEATS, smoked boerewors, smoked pork loins, smoked ham, smoked Turkey with Cherry flavour, smoked ham with nuts and sesame seeds, smoked bacon rolls and lots of other kinds of smoked sausages and smoked wild boar, smoked venison sausages with biltong spice and the best parma hams you can think of.

** BILTONG SPECIAL** Much more in store and loads of specials online: thesaffashop.com £35 per KG Email me your christmas wish list for a free quote. the difference is in the

QUALITY

Are you looking for unique presents for your family & friends in Australia this Christmas? Shop madeit.com.au for handmade gifts this Christmas! All of our sellers are Australian based which means you save on postage and buying on madeit.com.au also ensures presents will be delivered before Christmas! Most of our sellers gift wrap! Visit tnt.madeit.com.au for more information. 34

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We have lovely hampers that we will be selling over Chrismas period. Email: limpopobutchers@gmail.com.

O B M I CR ! D E SORT

s d to thank u e e n o n – ts e for all budg 80 gift ideas

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Dan Murphy’s supports the responsible service and consumption of alcohol. *Dan Murphy’s delivery partner is Australia POST. The delivery guidelines provided are based on those provided by Australia POST. 18 December 2011 guarantee is only for metro areas and 15 December 2011 for all other areas . We cannot guarantee or provide a day of the week or time of day for delivery. Orders are despatched Monday to Friday. If we are in stock of your products at time of picking, we aim to dispatch your order the next business day. For a full list of Delivery Charges, Zones and Terms and Conditions, please visit danmurphys.com.au RedJellyDANP6722

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH LIFESTYLESHOPPING CLASS OF THE WEEK

THE HUMAN

PUNCHBAG “Are you hitting me? I can’t feel anything,” yells Freddy The Punchbag. No I’m not hearing things, Freddy is the big, burly man inside the punchbag I’m attempting to smack the living daylights out of. Ensconced in layers of padding, Freddy the “goad-tivator” is there to provoke lazy types into putting that little bit more effort into their right hooks by telling them they fight like girls. While Freddy hurls insults, there’s a personal trainer coaching me on how to deliver my punches more effectively, who then makes me do push-ups, jumps and other various exercises on gym apparatus that have me breaking a sweat in under five minutes. Back at the punchbag, Freddy shouts, “Is that all you’ve got?” before telling me to bring my dad, my brother my auntie and even my nan to help pummel him. In between laughs, I find myself working harder to prove I’m not a weakling, which leaves me with aching arms and a sense of achievement. The 30-minute sessions cost £8 or monthly membership at Gymbox is £62. If you get in touch before your session, they’ll make a mask resembling someone of your choice (boss, ex, evil housemate) for your human punchbag to wear. CV

Art of giving It’s that time of year again, so brace yourself for Christmas shopping, London style WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

If the idea of passive aggressive central London shopping gives you nightmares, try one of the many other shopping hubs in the capital. We can’t guarantee they’ll be quiet, but you will unearth some one-offs.

Spitalfields Market, E1 From Tuesday to Friday and Sundays, the market at Spitalfields is crammed with stalls selling quirky jewellery and accessories, original pieces of art and photography, second-hand books and products for the home. Lining the walls of this covered market are plenty of independent stores such as wine experts Bedales and quality chocolatiers Montezuma’s.

Brushfield Street, E1 6AA spitalfields.co.uk Liverpool Street Westfield Stratford City, E20 Yes, there are chains here, but you’ll also find many international retailers that have only recently reached UK shores. It’s

also got pretty much everything, so if you want to blitz the present-buying in one day, this is where to go. The best places to hit up for foodie gifts are the Harvey Nichols Foodmarket and L’orchidee, which sells beautiful macarons. Also hit up Dwell for quirky interiors, Getty Images for photography, Thomas Sabo for off-the-wall jewellery and watches and clothing stockists Base for some men’s gift inspiration.

2 Stratford Place, E20 1EJ uk.westfield.com/stratfordcity Stratford Angel, N1 There are some chains in the N1 shopping centre for the more standard gifts. For the harder to buy for, Upper Street is dotted with some of the best shops in London for quirky presents. Head to Cyber Candy, which sells sugary treats from around the world. Camden Passage also has reasonably priced vintage shops and stalls, shabby-chic

100 High Holborn, WC1V 6RD gymbox.co.uk Holborn

The enormous Westfield Stratford City 42

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Greenwich Market at Christmas

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WHAT’S NEW

Coca Cola soothing lip sheer Pucker up for party season £6.00 boots.com

Banalasta natural soap Clean, exfoliate and soften £8.00 oxyjetonline.co.uk

Spitalfields Market: all done up for the festive period

homeware boutiques and antique stores such as Eccentricities. There’s also Ki Mantra urban spa, which sells treatment vouchers.

Greenwich, SE10

Traditional German markets are one of the best parts of yule, so get down to the South Bank for unusual hand-crafted toys, jewellery, Christmas tree ornaments and homeware. The best part is the food – you’ll find Bratwurst, gingerbread, roasted almonds and sweets to take home and wrap up, if you don’t scoff them all first, that is.

Greenwich Market has Ben’s Paintings for personalised graffiti-style pieces, Arty Globe for quirky British gifts, Rudeshirtz for witty tees and Clajy, which specialises in items made from old magazines, newspapers, sheet music and maps. Venture outside on to the leafy streets for clothing shops and more arty boutiques that cater for the fussiest recipients. Also check out the stock in the character-filled bookshops like Halcyon Books and Greenwich NEXT WEEK Book Time.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX southbanklondon.com Waterloo

shopgreenwich. co.uk Greenwich

angelislington.net

Angel

Southbank Centre Xmas Market, SE1

GOSH nail glitter in gold Give fingers a festive touch £3.99 buygosh.co.uk

Skating like a pro on London’s rinks

Photos: John Sturrock; Getty; Robin Dawe

TOP TREATMENT: EXOTIC STEAM RASUL Slathering mud on yourself might not be the first thing you think of when it’s time to relax, but at the Elemis Day Spa, it’s actively encouraged. After showering with luxurious Elemis products, you’re shown to an Arabian steam room, where you cover yourself in different kinds of detoxifying clays and then hang out under star-like lights until you’re chilled to perfection. Finish with some relaxing and rejuvenating Elemis oils. £76.60 for two people

The rasul rooms

2-3 Lancashire Court, W1S 1EX

elemis.com

Bond Street

Selfridges advent calendar Swap chocs for beauty treats £80.00 selfridges.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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He’s behind yooou: Clarkson in action

Christmas careers It’s that time of year again (oh no it isn’t!). We take a sneak peek at people who make our Xmas even more sparkly WORDS REBECCA KENT Every year, thousands of temporary staff are hired to help out over the festive period. From santas and elves to shop jobs and events planning – it’s a minefield of workers making sure your Christmas is a cracker. Here, we go behind-the-scenes with four festive workers.

Dan Clarkson, Potted Panto For Dan Clarkson, it’s not a normal Christmas if he isn’t wearing a frilly dress and delivering innuendos to a hyperactive audience. For the past five years, the CBBC presenter and his partner in pantomime, Jeff Turner, have performed Potted Panto, the frenetic double-act playing out seven classic shows in just 80 minutes. The actor, 44

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32, describes the show as an “anarchic, chaotic look at panto”. Clarkson has been performing this fundamentally British artform since he was 12. It’s every actor’s bread and butter, he says. “As far as I can see, panto works because men are dressed as women, women are dressed as men, the prince gets it on with a man, who is dressed as a woman, they all tell inappropriate jokes, and the adults don’t mind if the kids see it,” he explains. In Potted Panto, at the Vaudeville Theatre, in the Strand, from December 18, Clarkson and Turner play every character from Prince Charming and the seven dwarves to the wicked queen and the Christmas fairy. It takes flawless costume changes to make things work. But it doesn’t

always. Clarkson says: “Jeff once got his Cinderella transformation wrong, so I was stood on the stage as a chicken, while Jeff was in the curtains and had just pulled his breeches off so was standing there on the side in his Y-fronts. Try explaining that to the audience.” See pottedpanto.com

Jamie Wells, Winter Wonderland If a dreamy Christmas is about romantic nights ice skating beneath a twinkly sky, cups of steamy mulled wine, and a spot of fun on a fairground ride, then Jamie Wells is the dreamweaver. The director of PWR Events, Wells curates Hyde Park’s Winter Wonderland each year. This is his 22nd year on the job and he has pulled out all the stops to include attractions such as an ice rink

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB PAOLA MASPERI JOB Chairwoman, Mayamiko Trust AGE 33 LIVES West Brompton FROM Milan, Italy How did you get into your line of work? I had been working in Africa in a previous job, when I realised the potential in all the people in poverty, particularly in Malawi. So, while doing a master’s in international development, I started Mayamiko Trust, training disadvantaged women to produce beautiful fashion.

Festive: Winter Wonderland; right, new Santas in training that wraps around the bandstand, with overhead fairy lights, plus the “biggest and newest” fun house, shipped over especially from Germany. It takes 12 months of planning to make it all happen. He says: “Christmas day is my only real day off. All year round we’re looking for inspiration. It’s a hard job.” The pay off is seeing people enjoy it. Wells, 41, adds: “We’re happy for people just to come and sit on a bench in the Wonderland with a packed lunch and enjoy the atmosphere. “In fact, the next best thing to ice skating is sitting rink-side with a hot chocolate in hand watching people fall over. It can be very entertaining.” See hydeparkwinterwonderland.com

Santa Claus, Hamleys Arguably, the big jolly guy in the red suit puts in more hours on Christmas Eve than humanly possible. Until then, we are reliably informed he and his elves have been assiduously grafting away, carving and painting toys for all the good boys and girls out there, between appearances at Hamleys. Despite being busy, Father Christmas (who insists he is, indeed, the real Father Christmas) takes time out to tell us what’s on this year’s lists. “The toys the boys and girls have been asking for are Moshi Monsters Talking Plush, The Leap Pad (kids’ iPad)

and the Air Swimmers – giant flying helium-filled fish. The dads want the Silverlit Gyro Spy Cam Helicopter and the mums want a Lagoona Hydration Station to help them sleep,” he says. To entice Santa to deliver those gifts, he says he’d prefer sugar-free cookies so he can eat “as many as I like”, and a power jet for his sleigh “to get around the world quicker”. Don’t leave the big guy hanging. See hamleys.com

Russell Davey, West End Events Russell Davey is the man who makes sure your office Christmas party goes with a bang. And it’s what the company director devotes himself to year round. “It’s highly seasonal work. In the first half of year you’re finding concepts and venues, plus doing marketing, then from July onwards, you start executing it all,” says Davey, from Covent Garden. While firms are always looking for cheaper options and will scrimp on food and entertainment, there’s one budget which hasn’t changed – booze. Davey, 38, says the best thing about Christmas parties is that anything is possible. “As long as you can deliver, then can never really be a NEXT WEEK disaster,” he adds. We audition for a See westend TV job with QVC events.co.uk

What do you do day-to-day? I have a day job so I can pay my bills. But every spare minute I’m in contact with colleagues at Mayamiko, clients, donors and groups in Malawi. What’s the best part of your job? Realising the difference our small organisation can make. What’s the most challenging? Communication is tricky in Malawi, the infrastructure and supply chain are not reliable and our trainees face daily difficulties that we can only begin to imagine in the western world. See mayamiko.org

HOW TO ... LIE

YOUR BOSS

Got job interivew? Haven’t finished a piece of work or do you just want the day off? Learn the art of telling a porky.

• If you are going to concoct

a story, make it plausible. Imagine someone telling you the same tale. Does the bullshit alarm go off?

• Cover your bases by enlisting

a trustworthy colleague to back you up if need be.

• If you’re taking a sick day,

appear to be progressively worse ill days beforehand.

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teaching opportunities Primary to secondary, foundation to further and special educational needs - whatever your area of teaching expertise, the young people of London need you to help shape their minds and their futures. And, as the UK’s leading education recruitment consultancy, we are here to help shape your future. We can find you the right job – whether permanent, temporary or long term – as we are urgently recruiting: • •

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tntjobs.co.uk RE-MOVE T: 0800 564 2210 www.re-move.co.uk Based in London and Brighton, Re-Move is dedicated to offering it’s private and commercial clients a highend relocation service and its staff the opportunity to be part of an amazing team and an integral part of the company moving forward.

OLIVE PROPERTY GROUP T: +971 4 447 3884 www.olivepropertygroup.com We are an Australian Company with unrivalled success in the UAE property market and seeking our next intake of recruits to join us in our success.

ACTURIS LTD T: 020 7079 4000 www.acturis.com Cloud-based software company providing applications to the insurance industry. Acturis has won Service Provider of the Year awards four times and listed in the Sunday Times Tech Track 100 twice.

JOB OF OF THE THEWEEK: WEEK: Xxxxxxxxxxxx Domestic & Commercial Move Coordinator Location: Xxxxxxx Salary: Xxxxxxxxx Location: London Salary: £20-£30k Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx We are looking for someone who is keen to work hard within a team for which he / she|will be responsible Name Number | Emailand to help us drive the business forward and take the company to the next level. Looking to earn good money so you can go travelling? Why not get out and see parts of the country you might not otherwise see whilst working hard and having fun. This is a fantastic opportunity not to be missed. Call Patrick or Olly on 0800 564 2210 or email info@re-move.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Sales and Leasing Negotiators Location: Dubai, UAE Salary: US $ 100,000 + On Target Earnings As a Sales and/or Leasing Negotiator, you must be able to work leads and close deals on a daily and monthly basis. You will be expected to be a top performer and excel in your chosen area within Dubai. We work hard, we play hard and we love what we do. David McCormack | +971 50 114 1095 | david@olivepropertygroup.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Customer/Application Support Executive Location: Farringdon, London Salary: £21 - £24k We are looking for people to support customers through issue resolution and communicate with and advise users of varying abilities. Prospective employees will be client focused with the ability to build relationships, fluent and conversational in English, logical, well organised and practical. Laura Davis | 020 7079 4000 | opportunities@acturis.com

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CASH SAVING TIPS

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

Need to save for a winter Xxxxxxxxx holiday? Let us help ...

for your buck’ kind of thing. Another obvious one is to only buy what you really need. But honestly, where is the fun in that?

XXXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxxx IT’S TIIME TO REFLECT

As the temperature drops, the heating bills XXXXXXXXX are bound to rise. Make Xxxxxxxxxxx a thrifty move by lining the wall behind your XXXXXXXXX radiator with tin foil, Xxxxxxxxxxx which reflects the heat back into the room. And XXXXXXXXX it’s hidden behind the Xxxxxxxxxxx radiator, so it won’t look horrible either. It’s a cheaper and efficient way to keep toasty. A WALK IN THE PARK As any driver in London will know, tracking down a parking space is nearly impossible. Help is at hand with the iPhone app, Find Parking, which assists by searching for free or cheap parking based on your location within London’s 11 central boroughs.

LAURYN GILROY, 20 JOB Student FROM New York LIVES Kensington How do you budget? I don’t really work to a specific budget. I just know

Photos: Getty

Any money-saving tips? Find sales. Whether it be for food or clothing, it pays to be a sales hound. It’s a ‘bang

What non-essential items do you spend money on? Booze, sweets and chocolate. – lots of chocolate!

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Getting fizzy with it It was recently reported US magnate Donald Trump owns a £230,000 mobile champagne cooler to cart his bubbly. Numerous celebs also have a penchant for pricey pop ...

❚ Jay-Z went all out celebrating his Watch The Throne album release in August, and bought a 15litre bottle of champers for £63,000. His bar tab at the end of the night came to £157,000 for drinks alone.

DOWNLOAD FREE TUNES Grab a Starbucks coffee each Monday and you can download an e-book or music track from iTunes for free in return. Pick up an iTunes Pick Of The Week card in any of the chain’s cafes for details. XMAS GIFTS /35 FESTIVE TRIPS /80

how much money I have and work hard to make sure not to run out too quickly!

Last big blow-out? A swanky roof-top Halloween party I went to with a bunch of friends. As far as a night out goes, it was a lot more than I would usually pay, but I had a great time and hey, you only live once.

❚ Kelly Rowland, Usher and Nelly spent a reported £140,000 on Dom Perignon at Amika nightclub In High Street Kensington in 2008 — and that was before her X Factor cash was rolling in!

❚ American Don Johnson, ❚ Jennifer Aniston reportedly

Trump and his bubbly

spends £63 for a bottle of her favorite shampoo, made from champagne, white truffles and caviar. Sounds more like a posh meal.

a friend of Bon Jovi, spent £120,000 on a bottle of Armand de Brignac, the most expensive champagne in the world, at the One for One Club in London in June.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE .00 £21

What came first egg cup set The cutest way to serve breakfast mad4gifts.co.uk

A spot east London forgot Haggerston, E8

.0 £14

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

The King worktop saver Cook like Elvis would have josephjoseph.com

.00 £15

Moustache mirror A Movember masterpiece pasttimes.com

00 £4.

Gingerbread men string lights Time to make your pad look festive tigerstores.co.uk

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Everyone’s heard of Shoreditch, Hoxton and Dalston. But what about Haggerston? Bridging the Hackney gap between the three is this once-sketchy patch of concrete, which is now getting much more attention. Haggerston is halfway up the Kingsland Road, just before you reach Dalston. It’s essentially a younger brother to the hipster hotspot, complete with trendy bars and cafes of its own, as well as the same busy, arty atmosphere. New and exciting places to spend weekends and evenings are springing up all over the area. Kenny Goad, from Currell Residential in Kingsland Road, says: “It’s an extension of what’s happening in Shoreditch, and that’s coming up Kingsland Road and branching out. “There have been quite a few delis and cafes springing up, plus boutique places opening on the canal. Most of them are pop-up.” One such spot (although permanent, not pop-up) is just off Kingsland Road, in the corner of a typically scuzzy council estate parade in between a police station and a laundrette. Going by the name of the Haggerston Tearoom (224 Haggerston Road), it serves fresh coffee, Montezuma’s chocolate and toasted artisan sandwiches. And with these bohemian cafes come the arty types. Enver Ecer from Kingsland Estates says: “There are a lot of artists in the area. Last week an artist lady turned her onebedroom flat around the corner into an art gallery. It was really cool – it was open to

Trendy tearooms alert the public and she made teas and coffees.” And with the arrival of the creatives, come the young families and young professionals. Now it’s on the radar, says Ecer, it’s filling up fast – especially since the East London Line has come to Haggerston, linking it up with the Tube and central London. Being 10 minutes from Liverpool Street, it’s also a hit with City workers, who are snapping up the new flats and ultra-hip but uber-pricey warehouse conversions. Cranes are everywhere, building shiny new blocks to replace the old dodgy ones at great speed. For a long time, Haggerston was forgotten while its neighbouring areas

attracted development and interest. But for the past couple of years, it has received the life (and cash) injection it needed. Now streets close to Haggerston station, period conversions in Kingsland Road and

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MY AREA LYDIA

WOOD Banker, 29

“It feels quite safe around this area and people are really friendly – there’s a community feel. You can get some really good Turkish food in Kingsland Road.”

JAMES

SKINNER Cafe owner,

Waterway: The Regents Canal properties in wharfs on the Regents Canal, which runs through Haggerston, are the most desired. Ex-council flats are still a good way to get into the area on the cheap, though. And there’s plenty to keep you entertained in the area. The original Wah Nails (where London nail art got cool) and Bleach salon (now in Topshop Oxford Street) are in Kingsland Road, right where Haggerston blends into Dalston. For drinking, Victorian pub The Haggerston (438 Kingsland Road) is all about wooden booths, dim lighting and

eclectic music – you’ll hear anything from pop to hardcore rap to jazz. For clubs, head south to Shoreditch. For more pubs and cheap, authentic Turkish grub, go to Dalston. In the summer, stick around in Haggerston for Hackney Wicked art festival at the end of July and LowBrow music and art festival, which NEXT WEEK hits Haggerston Park at the Renting on the cheap in London beginning of September.

“It’s really nice to see Haggerston finally getting the same level of attention in terms of regeneration and investment as its neighbouring areas like Hoxton and Shoreditch.”

KELLY

FLAHERTY Hospital

clerk, 34 “It’s coming up. I like it here. It’s an ideal location – you’ve got Dalston and Shoreditch, Broadway. And it’s much better now the station has arrived.”

E8 INFO BOROUGH

Hackney COUNCIL TAX

£1308.27 TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: TNT

30 mins FLATSHARE £700pcm

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1,300pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £1690pcm

A room in a three-bedroom flat with modern decor, wooden floorboards, a new bathroom suite and luxury kitchen. It’s also round the corner from the station.

Refurbished flat in a Victorian period conversion with a large skylight and kitchen/ diner. It’s also in Kingsland Road, so you’ll be close to the action.

Modern apartment with a private terrace and two bathrooms. Set in a courtyard just off Kingsland Road so you get peace and quiet while still being in a busy spot.

rightmove.co.uk

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TUBE

Haggerston; East London Line; Zone 2 AVERAGE ROOM SHARE 1 BED

£750pcm AVERAGE RENTAL 1 BED

£1000pcm AVERAGE FLAT 1 BED

£180,000 – £260,000

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WORLDVIEW

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Roadkill: Just add a sprig of parsley

PREGNANT WOMAN’S TASTE FOR ROADKILL UNITED KINGDOM

A 42-year-old woman in North Yorkshire has developed a craving for roadkill during her pregnancy, cooking up hares, deers, pigeons, rabbits and owls hit by cars. “Usually I eat really healthily but now I’m pregnant I get strong cravings for roadkill,” Alison Brierley, 42, explained. “It’s more gamey than other meat and I love the taste. I also don’t have to feel guilty about eating it because I know it’s had a completely free-range and natural life. “I would like to try fox and badger but they’re never in good enough condition to eat.” TWEETS OF THE WEEK @jimmycarr The Chinese government has ordered a curb on ‘overly entertaining’ TV programmes. If they need any help I’m available. @SteveMartinToGo Trying to correct my Wiki bio: I am not allergic to Al Gore. Would everybody PLEASE stop yammering about this. Seriously. @Herring1967 (Richard Herring) BBC says Prince William is to be posted to Falkland Isles. Glad the royal family are trying to save money. Remember to put holes in box.

SHOPPERS URGED TO WEAR FACE-MASKS AUSTRALIA Female shoppers in Australian stores are being asked to don a bizarre facescarf when trying on clothes to prevent their make-up or lipstick smearing off and staining the merchandise. The mask, called a Face-It, was invented by Nicole Jureidini, using the same material 50

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Go back to school: More than 500,000 students in Colombia have been on strike over the past month, protesting proposed changes to the way universities are administered and they last week took to the streets. Judging from the picture, Colombia’s police officers were none too impressed with the whole thing

as surgeon theatre caps, and is now stocked in more than 200 stores nationally. Jureidini said the idea came from her mother, who used to wear a scarf to try on clothes, and from the masks she saw in her job as a dental hygienist. “In my mind it’s a bit like dental floss,” she said. “When it first came out nobody knew about it or wanted to use it and now everyone wants to know more.”

PENGUINS TO GO IT ALONE CANADA Two male penguins who only have eyes for each other have become unlikely celebrities

after their handlers at Toronto Zoo revealed they would be separated. Although they do not have a sexual relationship, Buddy, 20, and Pedro, 10, have been inseparable since meeting in an all-male group of penguins at a zoo in Toledo. But the zoo’s breeding program means they must strike out on their own. “Yes, they’re pair-bonded; yes, there will be a bit of separation anxiety,” Tom Mason, the zoo’s curator of birds, said. “But in the long run they’re more important to the population as a whole … these animals are very important to the survival of the species.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 90

Entries in Britain’s Best New Fence contest, which was won by Suffolk farmer Gary Harrison. Congratulations

That’s one way to frighten the horses

WOMAN STREAKER DELAYS TROTS NEW ZEALAND Last week’s New Zealand Trotting Cup was held-up when a well-oiled racegoer in a little black dress and a fascinator jumped the barrier at Addington Raceway. Sergeant Craig Prior, of the Christchurch police, said the woman is believed to have been under the influence of alcohol. She has been charged with disorderly behaviour and is due to appear in Christchurch District Court. Addington Raceway chief executive Shane Gloury said they had “never had a flasher before”. “I’m sure a lot of people thought it was entertaining when we had the prime minister here and it was just before a huge race – definitely something we could have done without,” he said.

PLENTY OF SURPRISES IN PRISON INSPECTION

Photos: Getty

MEXICO

A surprise inspection of a jail in the Mexican city of Acapulco uncovered 19 prostitutes, two sacks of marijuana and 100 roosters for cock-fighting. Federal officers checked up on the jail in preparation for a high-volume transfer of maximum-security prisoners and were surprise to discover six female prisoners in the men’s section of the jail, as well as sharp weapons, two peacocks and luxury items such as plasma TVs. “We’re investigating the probable culprits,” said Arturo Martinez, spokesman for the federal operation which is working to stem a wave of violence blamed on organised crime in the region.

Length, in centimetres, of snakes Chinese performer Liu Fei shoves up his nose, before pulling them out his mouth

Sperm samples that can be stored on the two-wheel bike used by a lab in Seattle to transport them around town

Height, in feet, of the wave surfed by Garret McNamara off Portugal, making him the new record-holder

Damn – locked the keys inside again

PET CHICKENOSAURUS COULD BE A REALITY UNITED STATES The dinosaur expert who advised Steven Spielberg during the filming of the Jurassic Park films believes people could one day have pet dinosaurs. Dr Jack Horner, whose research is funded by private donors, is working on a project that would see dinosaur and chicken genes spliced together to create the cleverly named ‘Chickenosaurus’. “It would look just like a chicken except it would have tail,” he told news. com.au, estimating it would cost US$1m (£630,000) to create the new species. As a graduate student, Horner was the first scientist to prove dinosaurs cared for their young and has strenuously argued the prehistoric creatures were actually warm-blooded. “We find a dinosaur, a new species of dinosaur, on average every seven weeks,” Horner said. “I found one last week.”

QUOTE OF THE WEEK You’re never going to bring it up to them. One day they’re going to turn up and say, ‘Hey, you’ve been telling me a lie for my entire life.’ Johnny Depp admits to a troubled conscience over telling his kids that Father Christmas is real

tntjobs.co.uk ATHENA CARE

JOB OF OF THE THEWEEK: WEEK: Xxxxxxxxxxxx Live In Care Workers Location: Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx Location: UK WideSalary: Salary: £1596 (working for 4 weeks)

T: 0116 2044969 www.athenacare.co.uk We are an Australian Company with unrivalled success in the UAE property market and seeking our next intake of recruits to join us in our success

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Live In Care Work. Permanent Employed Work, Choice of Working Weeks. Full Training Given At Our New Training Centre, Assistance With Interview Costs, Name | Number | Email Drivers Preferable. 0116 2044969 (24hrs) | enquiries @athenacare.co.uk

SHERPA

JOB OF THE WEEK: Events Crew Location: London Salary: £6.50 - £10 per hour

www.eventsherpa.co.uk SHERPA is the leading supplier of intelligent, articulate and professional porters, drivers and crew to the UK event industry. We work at some of the UK’s biggest events; from F1 at Silverstone and new product launches, to big-budget private and corporate events.

IPG

We are looking for reliable, hard working, well-presented team players with excellent spoken English who are not afraid of manual labour. SHERPA work is ideal for but not limited to Antipodeans in London on their working holiday visa as it is a great way to see London, meet new people and the hours are flexible. Send a CV and recent photo to: john@eventsherpa.co.uk

T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £15,000 by Christmas!

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night. 07716 376 408

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Need to send money between UK and home?

ons Good reas rex: to use tntfo

s » Great rate bank fees » No hiddennsactions » Faster tra online systems t » Easy to usere and fully complian » Safe, secu customer service » Unrivalled

r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

The Convoy of No Confidence protested Australia’s carbon tax earlier this year

Carbon tax lures the Aussie meta-bogan out of its lair

Photos: Getty

Critics of the government’s green agenda revel in their shabby unsophistication Australia may no longer be a country of flannel and mullets and cheap beer, but pronounced bogan traits – including a myopic lack of moral imagination and wilful anti-intellectualism – still incubate within. Last week, they were laid bare in the shrill reactions to the country’s landmark carbon tax, which will, shock horror, make it more expensive for high-polluting companies to do business. Some of those costs will be passed on to the general public, the average household estimated to incur extra expenses of $10 (£6) per week. But households in low and middle income brackets will be subsidised with $15bn (£9bn) worth of tax breaks over the next three years. And, meanwhile, dirty industries will be encouraged to clean up. So it’s a good thing, right? Not according to the commentators who rushed to defend special interests. Take right-wing gorgon Miranda Devine, Australia’s high priestess of anti-reason, whose throwback retchings can be slavishly downloaded by know-nothing bogans as placeholders for opinions of their own. Last week, Devine wrote in the Murdoch tabloids that: “When science becomes a religion, you get the carbon tax that was this week forced into law against the wishes of the majority of the Australian population.” So it’s all science’s fault? Burn the heretics! And if all unpopular taxes were scrapped, how many would be left? Andrew Bolt, also writing in a Murdoch tabloid, defecated: “What a terrible day. What an indictment of our credulity. What a blow to our future, so reliant on the cheap coal-fired power now to be made dangerously expensive.” Bolt knows that nothing gets bogans jacked-up like phoney victimhood: by cravenly incentivising a shift away from fossil fuels, those hippie, drum-circle bastards have flushed our futures down the dunny. Australians claim to be environmentally friendly yet emit the most carbon per capita of any nation. Rightly, Australia has now put its money where its mouth is and, hopefully, will one day be savvy enough to ignore the distilled bullshit of grasping, redneck shysters. » Agree or disagree? Is Australia right to tax high-emission industries? letters@tntmagazine.com

ORDINARY MUSLIMS SHOULD SPEAK UP Home secretary Theresa May last week banned an Islamist group that planned to burn poppies on Armistice Day, but their communities’ repudiation would be more powerful than state sanction. On Remembrance Day last year, Muslims Against Crusades protested the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan by burning poppies during the minute’s silence. Rather than allow a repeat performance this year, May invoked laws against glorification of terrorism to make membership of the group illegal.

“

Moderate Muslims must condemn them

”

There are two issues here. The first is that, while burning poppies – like burning a flag – upsets many, it should never be illegal. The second issue is that Muslims Against Crusades consider the British government the enemy, so wear their censure as a badge of honour. It is Britain’s moderate Muslims who must condemn the group – both to drain its support and prevent Islamophobes casting the extremists as representative of all Muslims. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

An African election In a fledgling democracy, chaos and violence loom at every turn WORDS TOM STURROCK

The democracy experiment has yielded mixed results in Africa. Following recent elections, violence flared in Kenya, Zimbabwe and Ivory Coast, while coups took place in Mauritania and Guinea. So when Ghana, one of the continent’s more stable countries, last went to the polls in 2008, more than one country’s future was at stake – indeed, the battered reputation of African democracy was on the line. And a new film, An African Election, presents a compelling account of how Ghana emerged, having stared into the abyss of civil war, its fragile democracy not just intact but fortified after its trial by fire. Director Jarreth Merz, who was born in Switzerland before spending the formative years of his childhood in Ghana, agrees there is a big-picture significance but, in his early filming, it was the voters’ optimism and commitment to democracy that impressed him. “So many things have gone wrong in Africa – in Kenya and the Ivory Coast – the elections in Ghana were very important for the west to reinvest and see that success is possible,” Merz explains. “It was a party at the beginning – I knew we were on to something because it was all so genuine. The people thought that something was possible, something that everyone had said was impossible.” Several vivid sequences capture the chaotic energy of the Ghanaian election, in which the left-wing opposition party, the NDC, and the right-wing incumbent, the NPP, were the major players. At a rally in a public square, the camera follows former president Jerry Rawlings, campaigning on behalf of NDC candidate John Atta Mills, on to a dais, before panning to reveal a crowd numbering hundreds of thousands. It is a moment of rare power and intensity, establishing how much this election matters to Ghanaians. Then, later, once the polls open, we see voters prepared to queue all day. When the polls close, they stick around, 54

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demanding to watch the votes being sorted, hundreds of them counting aloud in unison. Once the ballots are packed up and driven to the electoral commission, the towns explode in spontaneous carnivals of celebration. So far, so good. At this point, Ghanaian democracy comes across as slightly rickety, but more or less functioning and Merz admits he was unsure of whether he had a story worth telling. “I was like, ‘Where is this going?’ It’s just ‘blah blah blah’ and politicians making the same old promises,” he says. “But I came to realise that it was more complex than that. “There was so much at stake – there were investors who were supporting different parties. This is where elections can become dangerous because they can become so polarising.”

“

I thought they would take it to the streets

”

And, gradually, cracks begin to appear. Thugs show up at some of the booths, intimidating voters and then, the election is cancelled in a remote constituency because of “irregularities”. The atmosphere becomes increasingly fraught as the votes are counted – there are disputes over the accuracy of the figures but, in the end, neither of the main parties has enough votes to form a government, meaning a second election – a run-off between the NPP and the NDC – is required. Simultaneously, disputes between the party officials, who are essentially responsible for keeping each other honest, boil over. As one accuses the other of electoral fraud, as both parties claim to have won, the threads that bind them together in civility fray alarmingly. Outside, unrest stirs and,

Clockwise: a rally in Accra; Ghanaian president John Atta Mills; ordinary Ghanaians interviewed in Merz’s film

Photos: Getty

for a period, Ghana’s peaceful elections look set to descend into bloodshed. “It was extremely tense – the evidence wasn’t there and no one knew what the truth was,” Merz explains. “We thought they would start going at each other and take it to the streets immediately. I just left my cameraman in the counting room and told him to follow his instincts and he did a brilliant job. He came out with a piece of political history of Ghana, something that shows the fragility of democracy but also the strength of it. “It was wild – I was only scared when the people around me didn’t know what was going on – accusations started to fly back and forth. It goes on radio and then it becomes dangerous because it becomes uncontrollable and all kinds of dynamics start happening. You get the mobs, the uneducated young guys, people start firing shots. Everyone said it would be peaceful but at that point, no one knew anymore. But then, just at that moment when we were in trouble, the mob began chanting, ‘We want peace’.” Without revealing the final twists and turns, when Ghana ultimately pulls itself back from the brink of civil war, it comes as a relief. That it was able to resist, then reverse, the inertia driving it, seemingly inexorably, toward violence is, for Merz, the takeaway message of the film, the teachable moment that needs to be replicated in other parts of Africa. “You know, 1600 people died in post-election violence in Kenya,” he says. “So the people there want us to tell this story of Ghana – they don’t want more violence. And there are elections there next year, so that’s what we’ll be doing. Hopefully it will be a successful journey – a political safari.” An African Election premieres on November 20 at Rich Mix, where Jarreth Merz will be taking part in a Q&A. Tickets are £9. 35-47 Bethnal Green Road, E1 6LA richmix.org.uk Shoreditch High Street

The end of mugabe? zimbabwe at the polls In Zimbabwe’s elections, which capture the attention of the wider world more than any others in Africa, hope that Robert Mugabe’s criminal regime could be ended is shadowed by fear of brutal crackdowns. In early 2012, Zimbabwe will vote on a referendum to pass a new constitution. Elections could follow later in the year or, more likely, in 2013. At the last elections, in 2008, neither Mugabe’s Zanu-PF party nor the opposition MDC, led by Morgan Tsvangirai, won a majority and the run-off was marred by violence, Tsvangarai claiming Mugabe’s thugs threatened the lives of MDC supporters, making it unsafe for them to vote. Mugabe (above) was returned to power but his victory was condemned internationally, G8 leaders describing his leadership as “illegitimate” and the European Union imposing sanctions and restricting Mugabe’s ability to travel to Europe.

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SPORTNEWS

Hasler in happier times

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Loser walks the plank: with available stadiums becoming harder and harder to find, college basketball games are now being played at sea – to be precise, on aircraft carriers. The North Carolina Tar Heels and Michigan State Spartans went aboard the USS Carl Vinson and played on a court installed on the ship’s deck

HASLER AXING RUINS SEA EAGLES’ PARTY RUGBY LEAGUE Forty days after showering in premiership bubbly, NRL champions Manly were drowning in crisis with the threat of legal action hanging over their heads following the sacking of coach Des Hasler. Hasler’s 28-year association with the Sea Eagles came to an ugly yet predictable end, the two-time premiership coach sacked over his alleged role in the poaching of backroom staff by Canterbury, where Hasler is contracted to coach from 2013. “Everyone at the club could not be more disappointed with the lack of enjoyment we’ve had since the premiership,” chairman Scott Penn said. “(We thought it could work) up until we realised there was a systematic poaching or discussions with staff going on.”

‘KATICH SHOULD HAVE PUNCHED CLARKE’ CRICKET Former Test spinner Greg Matthews has claimed Simon Katich made a mistake by not punching Michael Clarke during a dressing-room scuffle. “One thing he got wrong was that he did not put one on Clarke when he should have,” Matthews, speaking at a charity lunch in Sydney, said, while Katich sat beside him. “Who would you rather go into war with? This cat (Katich) or Clarke? Or Andrew Symonds for that matter? Everyone forgets about Andrew Symonds getting flicked as well. “Pick this guy (Katich) as captain, get (Tim) Paine in as vice-captain. I tell you what, we’d be doing a lot better than how we’re doing today.” 56

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BOOK CLAIMS ALL BLACKS TOOK ROIDS

BIG WEEK FOR ...

RUGBY UNION

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres has struggled since joining the London club on a £50m transfer from Liverpool earlier this year, scoring just five goals from his 30 appearances. This weekend, he faces his old club, whose supporters will be keen to remind him how good he had it at Anfield. An extra layer of satisfaction will be gleaned by Liverpool fans if Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, the players bought with Torres’s fee, get their names on the sheet.

At least two All Blacks in the 1990s took steroids after coming under pressure to bulk up, says a former top rugby administrator. Jack Ralston, the New Zealand Rugby Union’s head of sales and marketing between 1997-99, makes the claims in his biography The Sports Insider. “I know at least two All Blacks in the 1990s who responded to demands that they bulk up by taking steroids,” he writes. Taine Randell, the captain at the time, rejected Ralston’s claim: “For him to not name names is gutless. He has cast aspersion on a lot of people. During my time with the team I saw none of that.”

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK If that means no changes, that means no changes. If that means four changes ... I want the best eleven to win the game Australian captain Michael Clarke plays it coy when questioned about the prospect of wholesale changes to his side

It could be a long summer for Aussie skipper Michael Clarke (left)

PREVIEW Screws tightening on beaten Australians SOUTH AFRICA V AUSTRALIA

THURSDAY 8.30AM, SKY SPORTS 2 Australia needed to come away with, at worst, an honourable loss in South Africa. Instead, the first Test yielded a baffling, humiliating defeat. After taking a 198-run lead on the first innings, Australia were in the box seat but somehow allowed themselves to be bowled out for just 47 in their second innings. South Africa then knocked off their modest run-chase to claim victory by lunch on the third day.

It’s hard to imagine Australia rebounding from such an abject performance to win the second Test and there are a handful of players whose spots must now be under threat – Ricky Ponting, Brad Haddin and Mitchell Johnson for starters. In recent times, there has been plenty of talk about Australian being a side in transition, about the need for patience and the importance of getting ‘the process’ right. But the worry for Australian fans is that neither the team nor any individual players seem to be improving. Whatever the plan has been up to this point, it doesn’t appear to be working.

THE CHAT | England sack Mike Tindall

If there were events for the girls, I wouldn’t be surfing in the guys’ events Women’s world surfing champion Carissa Moore has secured a wildcard to compete against the men in Hawaii’s Triple Crown

I have accepted that I won’t be winning at the next few competitions and I am OK with that Ian Thorpe might be OK with not winning but may soon find out that Australian sports fans are too keen on also-swams

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

RUGBY LEAGUE England captain’s boozy night out during Q The the Rugby World Cup thrust the English side into the headlines for the wrong reasons. He’s now been cut from the elite squad. Is it the right call? it’s also the easy call. Undoubtedly, Tindall needed A Ittois,bebut punished for his unprofessionalism while in New Zealand but the danger is that England satisfy themselves that they’ve now addressed the root cause of their poor showing at the World Cup. Tindall might be a boofhead but he’s not the sole reason England played poorly. It’s easy to throw a beaten- up old centre under the bus – he’s 33 so his axing can be justified as “looking to the future” – but much harder to really scratch Discarded: Mike Tindall the surface and make more fundamental changes.

Four Nations final Will the Kangaroos be denied again? Saturday 5.30pm, Sky Sports 2

TENNIS ATP tour finals The end-of-year tournament in London Sunday noon, Sky Sports 4

FOOTBALL Chelsea v Liverpool The Blues could slip out of the top four Sunday 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY Jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

The Black Cocks: who thought that name was a good idea?

It’s time New Zealand got a bit more colourful Sporting nicknames seem sillier with each passing year

» Does NZ sport need to be more creative with its nicknames? letters@tntmagazine.com 58

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Hopefully we haven’t seen the last of John Daly after he walked out of the Australian Open mid-tournament. Every sport needs it characters and Daly fills the position nicely in golf. When the American was at his drinking peak, he was the rockstar of a sport which prefers its participants to be boring and nice. His antics made golf much more interesting to read about. Whether he was hanging out at the Hooters tent at a 2008 competition, boozing and signing women’s underwear or lighting up on the green, Daly just didn’t give a fuck. As well as rocking the blond mullet among a sea

Daly is one of golf’s characters

“

”

of safe haircuts, he also accused other pro golfers of having secret cocaine habits and blew £30million gambling. Good work. After his Sydney walkout, Daly tweeted the excuse that he had no more balls after hitting seven into the water. Let’s hope that the man they call ‘Long’ John hasn’t finally lost his marbles as well.

Photos: Getty

In December the New Zealand cricket team will play Australia. It should be a fun series. The Kiwis are talking themselves up and Australia are having a tough time of it in South Africa. One thing, though, will irritate me about the series – in fact any series involving almost any New Zealand sporting team: the stupid nicknames. “What do the Kiwi cricketers call themselves again?” my cricket-loving Australian colleague asked recently. I mumbled something back in response. “Didn’t quite catch that,” he replied. “The Black Caps,” I clarified, through gritted teeth. “Oh, that’s right,” he chuckled, enjoying a moment of trans-Tasman one-upmanship. And then he repeated the name, savouring its ridiculousness as it rolled off his tongue. When the embarrassment subsided, I wondered: when will New Zealand cease bestowing its sporting teams nicknames devoid of any originality? Kiwis do love a bad variation on the name of the country’s premier team, the All Blacks. They have the Black Ferns (women’s rugby), the Black Sticks (hockey), the Black Sox (softball), the Wheel Blacks (the wheelchair rugby team), the Tall Blacks (men’s basketball team), the Ice Blacks (ice hockey) and the ‘ok-funny-the-first-time’ Black Cocks (the national badminton squad – shuttlecocks, geddit?). The All Blacks were given their name more than 100 years ago after a journalist referred to them as the ‘All Backs’ due to the speed of all 15 players, but a misprint resulted in the current moniker. Every other tag since has been a poor imitation. Hopefully, there are not many teams left in New Zealand to label ‘black’. In fact, the last one may have been snapped up a couple of weekends ago by the national casually racist caddy squad. That team has only one member: Steve Williams. I’ll leave you to guess what it’s called.

A BIT MORE BORING WITHOUT JOHN DALY

Who will shine in the Gillette Four Nations Final?

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Another year over The tour finals in London cap a remarkable year in men’s tennis WORDS TOM STURROCK

It is inaccurate to say Novak Djokovic “emerged” this year – he was well-established as the world’s third-best player behind Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Still, it makes the turnaround of 2011 no less dramatic. At the start of the year, Federer and Nadal had shared 24 of the previous 28 major titles. Now, they, along with everyone else, must figure out a way to overcome Djokovic, the sport’s new benchmark. Which brings us to the end-of-year tour finals in London, which, beginning on Sunday, pit the world’s top eight players against each other. Can Djokovic cap his remarkable year in style? Or will the chasing pack claw back some ground?

Andy Murray Great Britain

Novak Djokovic, Serbia

Roger Federer, Switzerland

Djokovic clinched three of the year’s Grand Slam titles – in Melbourne, London and New York – and, having been bullied by Federer and Nadal for so long, dominated the pair with breathtaking authority. Season highlight His achievements were crowned by beating Nadal in the final at Wimbledon and the US Open, en route to compiling an emphatic 6-0 record against the Spaniard. Chances He’s been unstoppable this year, so will start as the favourite, but could run out of gas after a long, triumphant year in which he the stormed the sport’s battlements.

For the first year since 2002, Federer (main image), went without a major title, suggesting the jig could be up. Those who have been enthralled by Federer’s brilliant tennis will hope an Indian summer delivers a 17th Grand Slam. Season highlight He played superbly to end Djokovic’s 41match streak in the semis of the French Open but, typifying his tough year, was overwhelmed by Nadal in the final. Chances Can’t be written off and has, in the past, been able to find something extra at the end-of-year event, lifting the trophy at five of the past eight tour finals.

Rafael Nadal, Spain

David Ferrer, Spain

On paper, it looks like Nadal has dropped off the pace but the quality of his tennis wasn’t far below the level achieved in recent years. His problem was that he ran into Djokovic in six finals and lost each time. Season highlight Nadal’s sixth French Open title, matching the record of the equally precocious Bjorn Borg, confirmed his status as the greatest claycourter of all time. Chances In with a shot, but has never produced his best tennis at the end-of-year event. Looks like he needs a rest before launching a fresh assault on Djokovic next year.

Regarded as the sport’s best returner of serve, Ferrer has few weapons besides, relying on doggedness and outstanding fitness to wear opponents down. At 29 years old, he is enjoying the rewards for perseverance. Season highlight He made the semi-finals of the Australian Open and will be a key plank in the Spanish Davis Cup team that faces Argentina in the competition’s final next month. Chances Slim. If more talented, more complete opponents come to play, it’s hard to imagine the Spaniard having enough firepower to go the distance.

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Andy Murray’s quest for a Grand Slam title continues but it’s not like he’s been losing to duds. In 2011, he was thrashed in the final of the Australian Open by Djokovic before losing to Nadal in the semis at the three other majors. Season highlight Murray has finished the year with his tail up, winning three straight tournaments during the ‘Asian swing’, en route to overtaking Federer in the rankings. Chances His excellent late-season form must see him installed as the second-favourite behind Djokovic. A win would be a fitting reward for his persistence during a frustrating year.

Clockwise: Novak Djokovic has emerged as the sport’s dominant player; Jo-Wilfried Tsonga can be irresistible at times; Rafael Nadal is the greatest ever claycourter

Tomas Berdych, Czech Republic For years, Berdych was talked up as one of the young players to watch in the men’s game. At 26, he’s begun to fulfil his potential, becoming a fixture in the top 10, but, given his talent, he remains an underachiever at the majors. Season highlight Berdych won his only title for the year in Beijing last month but his major triumph was holding his ground in the top 10 after a break-out year in 2010. Chances His power, accompanied by exceptional movement for a big man, make him an awkward prospect, and the short format may suit him, as he won’t have time to choke.

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, France Tsonga’s powerful, all-court game and ebullient personality make him one of the most watchable players in the sport. Has the game, but perhaps not the consistency, to win a major – when it clicks, he’s the best player outside the top four. Season highlight He played irresistible tennis to beat Federer at Wimbledon and had three match-points against Djokovic in the semi-final. If only he could string it together. Chances He’s the joker in the pack. If he has his head screwed on, then he has a real chance of finishing 2011 on a high. At 26, next year could be make or break for Tsonga.

Photos: Getty

Mardy Fish, United States You know American tennis is in a down-cycle when Fish, who turns 30 next month, is their top-ranked player. He’s a journeyman who only cracked the top 10 for the first time this year. He seems to be enjoying the ride. Good luck to him. Season highlight Apart from his surprising surge up the rankings, Fish produced his best result at Wimbledon and recorded wins against Nadal, Berdych and Ferrer. Chances He starts as a rank outsider but must know he’ll probably only get one shot at playing this kind of tournament, so should be willing to have a real crack.

Andre Agassi (left) and Pete Sampras in 1991

AMERICA’S GOLDEN AGE BAD HAIR, BIG FUTURES At the end-of-year finals in Frankfurt, back in 1991, tennis fans were still getting to know three young Americans who would come to dominate the sport. Jim Courier, Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras were all in their early 20s. Courier was already in his prime, having won the French Open that year, while Sampras, despite having broken through to win the 1990 US Open as a teenager, was still two or three years away from becoming the player who dominated the decade. Agassi, on the other hand, was still considered a choker after losing three Grand Slam finals he had been expected to win. He would twice disappear from the sport and come back before reaching his peak from 1999 onwards. All three made it to the semi-finals – Courier beating Agassi in one and Sampras rinsing Ivan Lendl in the other – before Sampras overcame Courier in the final. The trio would go on to share 24 more major titles.

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TRIBAL DANCE Naga tribesmen perform a traditional folk dance during a post-harvest festival in Dimapur, India, in the country’s northeastern state of Nagaland.

Photos: riviera.rimini.it; koelntourismus.de; Dieter Jacobi; Getty

INSIDE

TALK OF THE ’TOON /66

BOUNTY HUNTER /74

XMAS CRACKERS /80

The Turner Prize has moved from Tate Britain to Newcastle – a hidden hub for contemporary art.

Delve into the murky world of truffle hunting and find foodie paradise in Italy’s underexplored northern countryside.

Want to get away for Christmas? Our top picks for festive holidays at home and abroad, for Santa and Scrooge devotees alike. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

@tntmagazine

Elephant soccer is on the agenda

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

BEACH BOZOS? If the results of a new survey are to be believed, a third of under-30s in the UK have only ever been on a beach holiday. By ‘beach holiday’, I mean a break spent entirely at a beach resort, determinedly cooking in the sand.

SURIN ELEPHANT ROUND-UP Surin, Thailand Provincial Surin, near the border with Cambodia, will be flooded with Thais and travellers alike for this celebration of all things elephant. 19-21 The country shows its affection for the gargantuan animal with a sort of elephant Olympics, during which the elephants are enouraged to play football, race each other, and take on Thai soldiers at tug-of-war. NOV

WHY: Thais hold elephants in great esteem – they apparently believe their country is shaped like an elephant’s head – so the round-up really is intended as a respectful celebration. It all ends with a play about elephantine life, featuring thousands of performers and hundreds of elephants.

FOOD, WINE AND RUM FESTIVAL

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BAYSIDE ROCKS

Miami, US

Barbados

This reggae festival in Downtown Miami is an eco19 friendly, socially conscious celebration of the arts and “creative expressions of the community”. But don’t let that put you off – acts taking the stage include The Original Wailers, as in Bob Marley’s band. NOV

As if you needed any more encouragement to hanker 18-21 after a trip to this tropical paradise in the Caribbean sea, Barbados goes and holds a festival that pulls together life’s finest things. Cooking demos, wine- and rum-tasting tours and beach parties will take over the island. It sounds too good to be true, and yet we tell you the truth. NOV

foodwinerum.com

MOMBASA CARNIVAL Mombasa, Kenya

A multicultural street party featuring parades, Afropop 14 and religious songs. The merriment lasts all month long. NOV

africaguide.com

DO IT BECAUSE: If you share the Thais’ affection for this majestic creature, you’ll love seeing the elephant parades and will lap up the piles of elephant trinkets on offer. Also look out for the elephant breakfast, when the streets are lined with food for them to scoff.

baysiderocksfestival.com

TORI-NO-ICHI

Tokyo, Japan

A festival in honour of the Day of the Rooster 14 (according to the Chinese zodiac), markets appear as if by magic around 30 shrines across Tokyo. Observe rituals and try Yatsugashira potatoes, said to boost fertility. NOV

torinoichi.jp/english

Photos: Getty

What to make of this? My instinct, as a person who largely uses travel to expand her horizons, is to presume these people have fried their brain cells over the long stretches of time spent under the sun, so that the grey matter is now but a soup, incapable of imaginative or even curious thought. Indeed, if I were really committed to this theory, I could present a plethora of compelling evidence for the case. How about that, when those who said they had only ever been on a beach holiday were asked why that was so, 57 per cent said it was because beach holidays were the kind they liked best. Even though they have only ever been on a beach holiday, so have no other holiday experiences from which to draw a comparison. It is, I conclude, an answer plucked from the soup. But then my slightly more charitable side is forced to concede that more adventurous holidays can be utterly knackering. Who hasn’t been unceremoniously turfed out from a sleepless night on a bus borne from the mind of an out-ofwork torture-device designer, only to find themselves besieged by taxi drivers whose eyes dance at the delight of brow-beating hapless travellers into a thorough fleecing? Have we not, in those moments, wondered why we didn’t just take a package deal to Tenerife? I suppose I can sympathise with the impulse to submerge oneself in an effortless catatonia. Perhaps it is even advisable, as part of a healthy, balanced travel diet. One day, I might even try it.

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FLIGHT PRICE HIKES Prepare to be pissed off: travellers who have booked flights that take off after April 2012 may be charged extra if the expected rise in Air Passenger Duty tax goes ahead at the end of this month. The planned price hikes could see tax increases of 10 per cent levelled at passengers; they will be officially announced on November 29, if approved by the government. The rises will likely affect all flights taking off after April 1, even if the tickets have been booked before that date. Carriers seem as unhappy at the news as passengers; a spokesperson for Virgin Atlantic said hundreds of thousands of customers would be contributing to “the Treasury’s coffers”.

Photos: Thinkstock

LOVE LIVERPOOL If you’re planning a weekend break in the UK and fancy a big one, you’d better book tickets to Liverpool. A poll by TripAdvisor has named The Beatles’ hometown best for nightlife in Britain, with its clubs, restaurants, live music venues and comedy scene rated top notch. The glam city on the Mersey has garnered heaps of praise of late; even snooty – sorry, luxury – travel mag Conde Nast Traveller has love for it, naming Liverpool the UK’s friendliest destination for 2011. Manchester came second in the nightlife poll, while London only managed third place.

NIGHTMARELINER The Boeing Dreamliner – a slick new aircraft made from a carbon composite instead of metal, which makes it cheaper and more fuel-efficient to fly – has suffered a technical hitch within its first two weeks of commercial operations. Pilots were forced to manually unwind landing gear after an aborted attempt to touch down at Okayama airport in Japan. The aircraft – billed as a cheaper way to fly owing to its lighter weight – landed on its second attempt. A spokesman for the airline operating the craft said: “We are not sure what the problem was.” How reassuring.

TIME TO RETURN Egypt and Tunisia have both launched new efforts to reassure tourists they are safe holiday destinations after the Arab Spring. Egypt’s new slogan, “Welcome to the country of peaceful revolution”, seeks to show the destination has settled down after the demonstrations earlier this year. The Tunisia tourist board, meanwhile, professes the country to be “full of surprises and delights”. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office currently places no travel restrictions on Egypt, and advises against only the areas of Tunisia that are within 40km of the Libyan border.

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Newcastle’s Quayside and Tyne Bridge, modelled after Sydney Harbour Bridge

Newcastle

MAP

ENGLAND

REQUEST ENGLAND PLEASE! WALES

LONDON

GETTING THERE Travel by train from London King’s Cross to Newcastle starting at £28 each way with East Coast. (eastcoast.co.uk)

The Turner Prize exhibit The BALTIC museum, a former flour mill

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP Formerly a medieval monastery, Blackfriars – the UK’s oldest dining room – now serves up stellar, locally sourced fare. The bill is reasonable and the vibe unpretentious. (blackfriarsrestaurant.co.uk) For pub grub in a historic setting, visit The Town Wall, a Georgian-era drinking hole that was once the home of famous Northumberland artist, Thomas Bewick. (thetownwall.com) The Cut is a ‘deconstructed’ space (they call it an ‘arthausenachtklub’) peddling everything from dubstep and drum n’ bass to Eighties electro. Newcastle’s best-kept secret. (whatisthecut.com) Trent House Soul Bar offers a relaxed atmosphere and a superb selection of tunes on the jukebox. (trenthouse.com) The Newcastle YHA has cheery, social digs at £12.50pppn. It’s closed up for the remainder of the year, but re-opens in January. (yha.org.uk) The newly opened Sandman Signature Hotel used to be an abandoned office building. Now it offers stylish rooms, friendly service and huge breakfasts at the downstairs Shark Club. (sandmansignature.co.uk)

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UKTRIP

Talk of the ’Toon The Turner Prize has moved from Tate Britain to Newcastle – a hidden hub for contemporary art

Photos: Newcastle Gateshead Image Library

WORDS DAISY CARRINGTON

The La Boca Cafe in Newcastle is buzzing with talk of the Turner Prize. The coffee shop-cum-gallery – where walls display local artists’ efforts – is one of the city’s many bohemian enclaves, and attracts an artsy clientele. “I wanted to go to the show when it first opened, but there was a two-hour queue,” Jackie Pittam, a local painter, tells me. When it was announced the Turner Prize (the Oscars of contemporary British art) was, for the first time since its inception, being held not only outside of London’s Tate Britain, but in Newcastle, I balked. I mean, the city is known for many things: coalminers, hen dos, ale. But art? The Turner Prize exhibit, showcasing the work of the four shortlisted candidates until January, is at what was once an old flour mill, but is today BALTIC Centre for Contemporary Art. The space, too avant garde for a permanent collection, has regular exhibits of the nation’s leading contemporary artists. Everyone from Yoko Ono to Damien Hirst has shown here. Bringing the Turner Prize to BALTIC confirms what many Geordies have known all along: that Newcastle is the UK’s unrecognised capital of contemporary art. “Newcastle never gets its due,” laments David Hughes, a third of the team that runs Unit 44 in Walker Road, a renovated warehouse-turned gallery that specialises in street art. “The region, artistically, is extremely exciting of late. People make the journey from London for our projects.” Even the clubbing scene is more arty than you might think. Of course, there are still women in mini-skirts braving the cold on the Diamond Strip – the club-lined street that has made Newcastle’s nightlife famous – but I find that some venues have a decidedly more bohemian vibe. The Cut is the best example. This self-styled ‘arthausenachtklub’ models itself after Seventies Manhattan loft parties and Eighties East Berlin squat parties. The space is distressed (read: crumbling), yet it can’t help seem formidably cool. The Quayside may be definitive proof of Newcastle’s art and design heritage. Across the River Tyne, there are seven bridges, each in a different architectural style, that link Newcastle to Gateshead. (As I walk up to the Tyne Bridge – modelled on Sydney Harbour bridge – I notice a group of people ziplining from one side of the river to the other.) The futuristic-looking Gateshead Millennium Bridge is the most recent addition, and is framed on either side by

an institution of contemporary art: the Outsiders – a second outlet of the London-based gallery dedicated to street art – and the BALTIC. The Outsiders is an impressive space. The bottom floor is a dungeon-like cellar, giving the spraypainted canvases that hang on the walls an even more edgy, underground feel. Unfortunately, it’s the art at the BALTIC that disappoints. Much of it is too conceptual for my taste. I prefer my art more tangible, so I head to another of the city’s famous gallery offerings. The Laing Art Gallery is dedicated to creatives from the Northeast. During my visit, I learn Newcastle has

“

Coalminers, hen dos, ale. But art?

”

a longstanding history with the arts. In the 1870s, an artist colony was set up in the nearby fishing village of Cullercoat, and their paintings provide a window into the region’s past. What’s most striking about Newcastle is that all of the museums and galleries are free to enter. Even the artwork for sale seems reasonable. The best spot in town to buy art is The Biscuit Factory on Stoddart Street, the UK’s largest art shop. Works range from the affordable to the exorbitant. For me, though, I find the Angel of the North to be the area’s crowning jewel. The structure looms over much of the skyline. Because I’ve seen so many photographs, I was worried it would disappoint up close. As it happens, the photos can’t do justice to the sheer breadth of the piece, billed as one of the world’s most-viewed pieces of art. It’s fitting that Newcastle would have such an industrial-looking angel – artist Anthony Gormley designed the wings, which span 54 metres, to mimic those of an aeroplane. NEXT WEEK “My background may be industrial,” the angel seems to say, The cosiest towns for winter snuggles “but I’m still a work of art.” In that respect, it is the perfect icon for Newcastle. ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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A nine-day tour of Turkey, including Cappadocia, is £167 with Travel Talk

DEAL OF THE WEEK BERLIN BARGAIN

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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LAILA PACHECO

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

WAT SAKET (GOLDEN MOUNTAIN TEMPLE) IN BANGKOK Adam Weir, Auckland, NZ

WHY IT WORKS A scene like this is a moment that a photographer can wait a lifetime for. What a stunning one-off. Having the steps in the foreground is a great way of leading the eye to the monks. The clashes of colour, the flags blowing in the wind, all connect the dots and engage the viewer.

RUNNER-UP THE COLOURFUL STREETS OF GRANADA Phil Newman, NZ

WHY IT WORKS Having symmetry in an image will always help. In this shot, the buildings frame the road for us to stare down. The busyness of the bunting brings colour. The bold shadow-shapes left the buildings are thick and dominant.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Foreground While leaving space in the foreground can work miracles, it can also create a negative, boring effect. This is one of the many decisions you must face before you click the shutter. Where you stand, which way you shoot and how much or how little foreground you want in the image will all affect the outcome. Looking through your viewfinder will help

you visualise how you are composing your image and what cropping is being applied. The subject, and where you want to place them in the frame, will dictate how much foreground you choose. Make sure that if you choose to leave a lot of foreground, it’s because it’s interesting or it gives a line of vision on to the main subject. Whatever you do, don’t make it the main focus.

A THREE DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

INDOOR ADVENTURES

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CHECKING IN

The converted manor

DOUBLETREE BY HILTON, CHESTER OVERVIEW The historical town of Chester is as short of hotels as Lindsay Lohan is notches on the bedpost, but venture past the infinite lines of B&Bs on Hoole Road and, at the very end, you’ll find the diamond in the rough that is the Doubletree. Set in a restored 18th-century manor house, the Doubletree boasts 12 acres of landscaped gardens, health club and spa facilities, and a swanky Marco Pierre White steakhouse on site. WOW FACTOR A couple’s treatment at the spa includes access to an exclusive spa suite, where you can enjoy a private Jacuzzi and sauna after your massage. Then head down to the indoor pool and look out for the open-air grotto, where the cold Cheshire breeze takes the edge off the heated water. A meal at the MPW steakhouse rounds off a luxurious stay in style – the steaks are sublime and the house cocktails are pretty special too. (Try the uberpotent apricot julep.) ROOMS Huge beds, LCD TVs and free internet access are standard. BILL PLEASE Rooms start at £95pn, depending on seasonal promotions.

Warrington Road Hoole, Chester, CH2 3PD doubletree1.hilton.com Travel direct from London Euston to Chester with Virgin Trains from £11.50 one-way (virgintrains.co.uk)

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SHARK DIVING, KUALA LUMPUR

At first glance, downtown Kuala Lumpur wouldn’t exactly be the kind of place you’d think to go diving. After all, at 40km from the sea, this sprawling metropolis isn’t particularly known for its watersports. But for all its fast-paced and busy city living, KL offers locals and tourists alike the chance to get away from it all and enter an underwater world, bringing you face to face with some of nature’s most notorious and frightening predators. The Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre includes the world famous Petronas Twin Towers, formerly the tallest buildings in the world and an iconic Malaysian landmark. It is also home to Aquaria KLCC, a 60,000sqft oceanarium slap-bang in the middle of the city. More than 5000 marine species live here, including piranha, a giant octopus, jellyfish and sea horses. A 90-metre transparent viewing tunnel with a moving walkway allows you to face time with them all. By far the biggest draw, however, is the

fact that certified divers can spend time swimming with a wide variety of sharks, including tawny nurse sharks, sand tiger sharks and leopard sharks. You can also frolic with all manner of turtles, stingrays, eels and a vast array of multi-coloured fish. The sharks are completely domesticated, making this an entirely safe environment in which to get to know these fearsome creatures. Ahem, allegedly. For those of you who aren’t fully certified divers – or, more likely, are just a little scared – there is the somewhat misleadingly named Cage Rage. And before you start training for your ultimate fighting debut, this simply involves submersion in a cage, bringing you up close and personal with all of the aquarium’s fish and sharks without getting, well, too up close and personal. A one-hour dive costs about £80, while an hour in the cage will set you back about £40. aquariaklcc.com

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ICE CLIMBING, KOREA

Opportunities for ice climbing abound throughout Korea. Aside from the numerous ice parks and ice falls dotted around the country, there is the O2 World in Seoul, the world’s highest indoor ice-climbing facility. There are courses for all levels, including technical climbs with overhung ice and other obstacles. Make sure you brush up on your Korean, as the instructors speak very limited English. o2o2.co.kr

Photos: Getty

INDOOR ADVENTURES

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SKIING, DUBAI

No, seriously. Skiing in the middle of the desert. It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? This engineering marvel, part of the Mall of the Emirates, features five slopes of varying difficulty, including the world’s first indoor black run. The Snow Park features a 90-metre quarter-pipe for snowboarders; sled and toboggan runs; and a snowballshooting gallery. Who said you can’t go from camel to skis in one day? skidxb.com

TOP FIVE

SURFING, CANADA

Do you ever wish you could catch a wave but the weather’s not quite right and you’re nowhere near the sea? Fear not, for indoor wave machines, or FlowRiders, found worldwide, will create the perfect wave using highpressure pumps. The Maeva flowboarding facility in Quebec is the first of its kind in Canada and is open all year round. waveloch.com

SKY DIVING, SINGAPORE

With locations across North America, Europe, Asia and one in Brazil, Sky Venture has vertical wind tunnels for beginner and experienced thrillseekers alike. But the largest one is in Sentosa Island, Singapore, allowing you to experience the sensation of a sky dive while also enjoying fantastic views of the South China Sea. Alternatively, Chekhov, near Moscow, is the first place to have two wind tunnels side by side.

NEXT WEEK The world’s best bucket list hikes and treks

skyventure.com/tunnellocations

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TRAVELTIPS

Northern Mozambique: well worth the trek

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READERS’ TIPS WATER YOU WAITING FOR? TIP For those of you travelling OF THE to South America, make WEEK sure to have bottled water or, at the very least, a good carbon filter. The water quality in some places in South America is still pretty average and the last thing you want to do is get sick miles from home. Get a carbon filter before you leave. It’s a real pain landing somewhere foreign and having to scurry around trying to find one – especially when it’s easily bought before you depart. Georges, via email

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

be going to Kuala Lumpur for work Q I’ll for a few days. Could you recommend a nice, accessible destination not too far from KL, combining a bit of culture, a night or two out, as well as some amazing food? Also, I’m not opposed to a bit of shopping! Johanna, via email basically described Singapore! It is A You’ve easily reached by a direct train from KL.

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the coast as well as see African wildlife – preferably a bit off the beaten track? Maria, via email Mozambique is often overlooked. A Northern Most European tourists arrive in the south as there is only one direct flight from Europe to Mozambique (operated by LAM; lam.co.mz) – from Lisbon to Maputo, Mozambique’s capital in the south. To reach the north, take a short flight from Maputo to the cities of Pemba or Nampula. Northern Mozambique’s gem is the Island of Mozambique. A historically important trading post, the tiny island is now a UNESCO World Heritage site. Some incredible colonial architecture makes it a great spot to stroll around. Also, visit the Quirimbas Archipelago, a collection of tiny islands all fringed with gorgeous white sand beaches. If you want to island hop, one of the best ways is on a traditional Swahili Arabic boat, which you can charter privately. Ibo Island is the best known and has a variety of accommodation options. For wildlife, you will be spoilt for choice at the Niassa Reserve in the north west of Mozambique, home to the largest wildlife populations in the country. However, as there are few accommodation options in the reserve, they are incredibly expensive; one night could set you back about £300! You might rather opt for the cheaper Maputo Special Reserve just outside Maputo in the south before your flight home.

WIN Send us your words of wisdom. The top Tip of the Week published will win a fiver. Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ billpayers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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The comfortable eight-hour journey will take you through lush countryside and drop you off in the heart of urban Asia. Singapore is a shopper’s dream. The Orchard Road (orchardroad.org) is not just a street of shops, it is a street of shopping centres! For culture, head straight to Little India which is one of the less commercialised parts of the city. Check out some of the temples: Sri Veeramakaliamman is a colourful example. For great food, try one of the incredible vegetarian Indian restaurants while you’re here. Some of Singapore’s best food is found in one of the many hawker centres – Smith Street in Chinatown is home to one of the best. Singapore is packed with options for a night out – but they don’t come cheap. The colonial district is a popular area. For a one-stop entertainment spot head to the St James Power Station (stjamespowerstation.com) at the Sentosa Gateway for an entertainment complex packed with bars and restaurants. If you’re in search of more culture, the Asian Civilisations Museum is a must.

would you suggest to visit in Q Where Mozambique to be able to access both

MAINTAINING THAIS If you’re in Thailand over the winter, remember that every single image of Buddha, big or small, damaged or whole, is considered sacred. Never climb on to one to take a photograph or do anything else that could indicate disrespect. Also, be aware Buddhist monks are forbidden to touch or be touched by a woman. They also can’t accept anything from the hand of one. If a woman must give anything to a monk, she first hands it to a man, and he presents it. Aleisha, via email

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

BRATISLAVA, SLOVAKIA Veronika Vasjova from Nitra, Slovakia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

URSHILA SOMA, 24

RYAN DAVIS, 29

Auckland, New Zealand

Vancouver, Canada

BEST I recently went to Paris for four days. I spent two days seeing the sights, and two days at Disneyland! It was amazing – I felt like a little kid again. The only thing was the Mickey Mouse show was hard to understand because the characters only spoke French. I’d definitely like to go back to Paris – four days just wasn’t enough. WORST Honestly, I love my holidays, so I’ve never had a really bad trip. Just getting out of Auckland was good enough for me!

Most memorable travel experience? Malawi was my favourite adventure. The scuba diving, the beaches and the people were just so great. Scariest travel experience? I got mugged in London by three Eastern European guys. I got thrown down an alley around Charing Cross and ended up with a big cut on the back of my head. Essential travel item? Pepto-Bismol is very important! And also Advil for the hangovers.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@ tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

Photos: Getty; TNT

AFRICAN ADVENTURE The five-star Royal Livingstone hotel by Victoria Falls in Zambia celebrates its 10th anniversary with a new travel deal. The deal includes four nights’ accommodation, return international flights, massage on arrival, and tour of Victoria Falls for £1549pp. Must be booked before March 31 for travel between May 1 and June 30 (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

THE INSIDER

RUSS MALKIN, Producer/ director, adventure travel TV documentaries, including Long Way Round with Ewan McGregor

My first ever big trip was when I took a black cab around the complete perimeter of England, Scotland and Wales in just one week. My most challenging travel experience was the ‘Road of Bones’ in far east Russia, which was built during the Stalinist era by the unfortunate prisoners in the Gulag, or labour, camps. The area was infested with mosquitoes and bears, but it was a real blast. My favourite place in the world is India – its colour, its noise, its vibrancy. I always pack a silk sleeping bag liner. It sounds very erotic, but it actually has purpose! For some reason bugs don’t get through the silk, and it’s great in really hot weather when sleeping naked in the open is actually quite uncomfortable. My top travel tip is go! Don’t spend years planning. It’s easy to talk about a trip; sometimes you just have to do it. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

The ancient (and inescapable) fortress at San Leo sits atop a mass of rock

Emilia-Romagna ITALY

GETTING THERE Fly direct from London Stansted to Rimini with Ryanair from £20.99 return. (ryanair.com)

ITALY

BOLOGNA

RIMINI San Leo

Clockwise: the truffle fair at Sant’Agata Feltria; reams of local boar sausages; a mutant truffle; the writer with treasures found on the hunt

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SHORTBREAK

Bounty hunter Delve into the murky world of truffle hunting in Italy’s under-explored northern countryside WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Decked out in fatigues and wielding a particularly sharplooking spear, you could be forgiven for concluding that Omar Podesta is some kind of ruthless mercenary, stalking the Italian countryside. The reality is that he’s a truffle hunter. Though his bounty might not strike you as the kind that enkindles life or death situations, his profession has its hazards. “Competitors leave poison to kill the best dogs,” he tells me, instinctively reaching to pet his own canine companion, Lucky. “In Tuscany, my tyres got slashed.” Truffle hunting is big business, especially here, around Sant’Agata Feltria in northern Italy’s Emilia-Romagna region, known for its white truffles. A hunter’s income depends on the weather – truffles like moist conditions, so if, like this year, there’s little rain, the truffles are rarer and the prices push upwards. (Currently, one the size of a chestnut fetches about €12, or £10). Though truffle hunting has its dark side, Podesta has set up an association to create a more amicable community of hunters, of which he is president. For him, truffle hunting is in the blood – he’s been at it since he was 12, and uses specialist tools fashioned by his grandfather. As I trail Omar through the wild woodland by his grandfather’s farm – here, the special spear slashes us a path from a mess of tangled thorns – the hunter coaxes Lucky with a stream of rhythmic, soothing tones, the latter trained to sniff out the fungus growing underground from up to 100m. Omar tells me every hunter creates a special language in which to communicate with his dog, so that flappy eared competitors can’t discover their secret, truffle-rich spots. (Nowadays, there’s a blanket ban on using pigs for truffle hunting. It’s best for everyone, really, as dogs find truffles for a treat in return. Pigs actually want to eat them, and will bite anyone who gets between hog and snack.) Inside of 30 minutes, we find three good-sized truffles, earning €36, or £31. Consider that Omar does this for around six hours a day, and you can appreciate it’s a lucrative trade. Looking at the muddy, knobbled growths, I find it hard to believe these are so sought after in haute cuisine – but they do smell enticing, giving off a strong, sweet mustiness that speaks of rich and complex flavour. Emilia-Romagna has more than just truffles to its sweeping valleys, which are epically beautiful on a Sound Of Music scale. Castrato (a castrated local boar), fosse cheese (which is covered with leaves and buried underground for

three months before it’s ready to eat), and fine wines are all delicious, endemic delicacies. Tradition here revolves around long lunches with lots of food and even more vino – and I can thoroughly recommend assimilating the local habits. At Sant’Agata Feltria’s white truffle fair, held every October, I meet Graziano Pozzetto, a local celebrity gastronome. (Imagine a tanned Santa Claus dressed in double denim and you’ve got a picture of Pozzetto.) He tells me the village has the fortune of being located in a “lucky

“

Competitors poison the best dogs

”

valley with lots of treasures”, and that the dearth of tourists here means that “those treasures are preserved”. True, Emilia-Romagna is more famed for its capital Bologna and the seaside resort of Rimini than its inland ››

Truffle hunter Omar Podesta and his dog TNTMAGAZINE.COM

medieval villages and vineyard-dotted valleys. But a trip inland to join a truffle hunt, or gorge on the region’s tasty treasures, makes for a less hectic, more unique experience. It’s not all foodie-focused sophistication, either. The region’s arresting scenery hides a grisly history. I visit the village of San Leo’s ancient fortress to see the ‘Well Cell’, designed to hold Count Cagliostro, a magician and freemason who was jailed in the 1700s for being a heretic. The cell has no door, just a gap in the ceiling into which Cagliostro was lowered and then locked up for life – the authorities feared his magics, and thought this the only way to prevent escape. Legend has it that when Cagliostro died, the villagers drank from his skull to celebrate. Today, you’ll see piles of flowers left in the cell by freemasons, who still revere his memory. It adds an extra layer of sinister to an already eerie locale. (You can check out a museum of ye olde instruments of torture within the fortress, too.) Big city Bologna and the packed Rimini coast may up the action factor, but I reckon a few days inland makes a great way to stray from the beaten path – and it won’t stay unspoiled forever. ❚

The Cathedral at San Leo is overlooked by the fortress

NEXT WEEK Dog-sledding and firing rifles in Haute Maurienne Valley

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

When in Rimini, be sure to swing by Nude Crud for lunch. Not only is the locally sourced fare predictably stunning – go for the freshly made piadinas – but this cute cafe also serves up its own microbrews. The La Cotta red beer has a deceptively deep colour that jars with its light, super-fresh taste. (nudecrud.it)

By the ruined castle in the medieval village of Verucchio, Ristorante La Rocca serves gargantuan, expertly seared steaks and castrato, the local boar (a dark meat packed with fatty flavour). Even the roast vegetables dazzle. Don’t be put off by the cheap, too-pink decor. (Tel. 0541 668122)

Looking to splash out on a multicourse meal? Try Il Granaio in San Giovanni Marignano, where a parmesan-packed risotto and truffle-topped spinach ravioli precedes drooly lamb chops accompanied by baked fennel and cheese-laden mushrooms with polenta. Extreme stomach-stretching never felt so good. (Tel. 0541 957205)

DRINK

There are plenty of quiet wine bars and licensed cafes around the inland medieval villages, but for a lively nightlife scene, you’ll need to hit up Rimini. Try the rustic Taverna Della Vecchia Pescheria around Rimini’s historic fish market for a cheap draught beer with the locals.

Right on Rimini’s waterfront, Disco Bar Coconuts pretty much does what its says on the tin – a summer beach party feel, non-stop tunes and sickly cocktails go great with the sunset. (coconuts.it)

If you want to blow your budget on a big night out, head to Rimini’s super-club Paradiso in the south west, which has capacity for 2500 ultra-glam party people. (Via Covignano, 260, tel. 347 2369987)

SLEEP

The trouble with Tenuta Carbognano is that you’ll want to live here. For an incredibly reasonable €70pn (£60), four can stay in a self-contained apartment on this wine farm near Rimini, complete with pool, cooking classes, tearinducingly beautiful views and the friendliest hosts you could wish for. (tenutacarbognano.it)

An apartment for two in Agriturismo Montalcino, a farmhouse a stone’s throw from Sant’Agata Feltria, will set you back €80pn (£68). Truffle hunts are thrown in for free, but you must go with a licensed truffle hunter – it’s illegal to strike out on your own. (agriturismomontalcino.it)

The four-star Oste del Castello in Verucchio is a converted 18th-century building made to feel like staying in a stone-walled castle. Rooms from £85pn. (ostedelcastello.it) While in Verucchio, check out olive oil specialists Il Bello Il Buono on Piazza Malatesta – tourists can join in olive picking when the season allows. (ilbelioilbuono.it)

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Photos: riviera.rimini.it; TNT

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

City of the gods This is Athens in 48 hours WORDS TOM STURROCK

DAY 1: 8:00 Rise early at Athens Backpackers (backpackers.gr) and load up on the free breakfast. Maybe wander out onto your dorm’s balcony to take in the sights and sounds of Athens bubbling into life. You can book a bed in a mixed dorm for €17pn (£14.50) or it’s €75pn (£65) to stay in the luxury of a self-contained apartment. 9:00 You won’t have to travel far for your first sight, as your hostel is next to The Acropolis (theacropolismuseum.gr). It’s one of the wonders of the Ancient World and, although the Parthenon is the main attraction, your ticket will also allow you access to the Theatre of Herodes Atticus, Theatre of Dionysus and the Ancient Agora. 12:30 Having built up an appetite, head to Athens’ lively central market, Varvakios Agora (athensguide.com/ agora), where you’ll find an eye-popping amount of fresh produce. It’s a great place to stop for lunch and the meat market is full of simple, delicious food. You can go for some local fare – try a patsa, which is basically boiled tripe. Take the time to explore, inhaling the intoxicating smells of the market’s incredible delis and spice stores. 15:00 After lunch, head south for a tour of the historic Port of Piraeus (piraeus-greece.org) on Athens’ waterfront. If you’re keen, you can jump on a ferry and head out into the Aegean Sea. (If you want to go all the way to one of the Greek islands, you’ll need to set aside a bit more time to properly explore.) But it’s still worth going for a more brief excursion along the coast, just so you can gaze back at the city, with its ancient landmarks and scenic mountains. 19:00 Once back on dry land, head to the National 78

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Gardens (athensguide.com/gardens) in the centre of Athens – it’s a beautiful spot made all the more impressive at dusk. This lush, tropical paradise is packed with an overwhelming number of ducks. 20:00 Just up the road, Athens’ oldest restaurant, Ideal (46, Panepistimiou Str), is one of the most popular dining spots among visitors to the Greek capital. It’s been operating for 80 years and its interior is classically Athenian, while the service is exceptionally friendly. The food is traditional Greek fare – you can’t go wrong with the halloumi, seafood or moussaka – complemented by a balanced selection of local wines. 22:00 It’s over on the other side of the city but Venue (venue-club.com) is regularly voted one of the world’s best nightclubs. There are three levels and a huge central DJ area, so mingle with the locals and dance the night away. Finish the evening with one of Athens’ famous souvlakis (grilled meat and veg on a skewer). DAY 2: 8:00 Shake off your hangover with a bracing stroll up Mount Lycabettus (athensguide.com/lykavittos), which, to be fair, is more a limestone hill than a proper mountain. Still, it’s 908ft above sea level, ensuring it is clearly visible from the middle of Athens, making it one of the city’s best-known landmarks. If you’re feeling too fragile, you can catch a cable car to the top. For the record, Lycabettus means “where the wolves go”. 11:00 Not much remains of Temple of Olympian Zeus (athensguide.com), but you can tell by the 15 columns still standing that the original architects were thinking big when construction began in the 6th century BC. It had more

Sample local food at the Agora, Athens’ lively central market

Photos: Getty

funding difficulties than an Olympic village, though, taking 638 years to complete. 13:30 Set up in one of Athens’ most beautiful old buildings, Petrino (petrinorestaurant.gr/english) is one of the city’s most stylish restaurants. You can dine inside beneath extravagant mosaics or outside next to the pool. 15:00 Check out the colourful odds and ends on sale at the Monastiraki Flea Market (athensguide.com) – on weekends, it’s a scene of complete chaos, with the square being taken over by street performers. You can go shopping, or just chill out at a cafe and watch the mayhem from a safe distance. 17:00 Stroll through the Plaka (theplaka.com), which is Athens’ oldest neighbourhood, now brimming with kitsch shops, trendy restaurants and artisans of exquisite skill. Check out the distillery on Kydatheneon or watch a film at the outdoor Cine Paris in the shadows of the Acropolis. 19:00 Situated in Adrianou Street, the Plaka’s most famous stretch, cafe-restaurant Carte Postale has the best view in town, making it the perfect spot for a light dinner and some cocktails as the sun goes down. 21:00 Athens is full of old-style tavernas and one of the best in the Plaka is Perivoli Tou Ouranou (Lysikratous 19 Plaka), which offers food, drink and live music. The tunes will often be part of the Rembetiko tradition, a kind of urban Greek folk music. Easyjet will fly you return from London to Athens for anywhere between £36 and £80 easyjet.com

Take a bracing stroll up the limestone of Mount Lycabettus

Check out the tavernas at the Plaka, Athens’ oldest hood TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Christmas Breaks THE WORLD

Diversity: Lebanon welcomes all religions at Christmas 80

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Christmas crackers Want to get away for Christmas? Here are our top picks for festive holidays at home and abroad, for Santa and Scrooge devotees alike WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Here at TNT, we don’t believe that December 25 means you have to be a prisoner in your own home. So the shops all shut and the Hollyoaks Christmas Special is on – big deal! Keep the tinsel and the turkey if you must, but why not use the holiday to, you know, have a holiday? Below are our top tips for Christmas breaks abroad and – if you’re on a tight budget after all that Crimbo shopping – in the UK. We've even sought out the very best anti-Xmas holidays for those after some true escapism. Note that prices for flights reflect the time of year. Happy holidays!

HAVE YOURSELF A … FAR-FLUNG XMAS ETHIOPIA WHY Ethiopia is home to Christian ceremonies that are thousands of years old, so it’s no surprise Christmas Day is a public holiday in the east-African country – although Ethiopia’s Christmas Day falls on January 7. There are several border crossings you should seriously avoid in Ethiopia, but stay safe and the abundant trekking, history and wildlife will doubtless win you over. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Addis Ababa with Egypt Air, via Cairo, from £615 return (egyptair.com). LEBANON WHY The amiable religious diversity of Beirut is one of the most appealing facets of this ‘Paris of the Middle East’ – hearing the church bells ring out a beat after the call to prayer always raises an appreciative smile. Christmas is celebrated by a reported two thirds of Lebanese people – not all of them Christians – and the sight of a towering Christmas tree backed by an elegant mosque in Downtown Beirut is worthy of the airfare itself. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Beirut with BMI from £583 return (flybmi.com). PHILIPPINES WHY The Philippines apparently holds the record for celebrating the longest Christmas season, with carols ringing out as early as September 1. In this predominantly Catholic

country, Midnight Mass is held on Christmas Eve before the traditional December 24 feast, which consists of edam cheese, hot chocolate, Christmas ham and turkey. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Manila, via Abu Dhabi, with Etihad from £792 return (etihadairways.com). MEXICO WHY In true Mexican style, a piñata forms part of the festivities. In this Roman Catholic nation, people call from door to door on Christmas Eve, much like Mary and Joseph were said to call at inns looking for shelter when they arrived in Bethlehem. However, the twist in this Christmas tale is that Mexican households invite the wanderers in to smash the shit out of a papier mache model filled with sweeties. GET THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Mexico City, via Madrid, with Air Europa from £595 return (aireuropa.com). INDIA WHY Weird as it may seem to spot Santa (or ‘Christmas Baba’ in Hindi) and fir trees assimilating into the sweaty bustle of the subcontinent, India’s many years as a British colony have ensured Christmas traditions remain entrenched. Even though just over 2 per cent of India’s population is Christian, you can attend an Indian take on the Christmas market, and December 25 itself is a state holiday. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Mumbai, via Cairo, with Egypt Air from £721 return (egyptair.com).

HAVE YOURSELF A … EUROPEAN XMAS VIENNA, AUSTRIA WHY Vienna knows how to put on a festive fayre – the Austrian capital has been holding Christmas markets since 1294. Steeped in the stirringly visual presence of history – grand palaces, baroque architecture, the imposing Gothic Stephansdom Cathedral – this particularly handsome urban sprawl couldn’t be better suited to a Christmas getaway, especially if it snows. The markets run until Christmas Eve. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Vienna with ›› Austrian Airlines from £240 return (austrian.com). TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Little drummer boys: the Germans sure know how to put on a good Christmas

COLOGNE, GERMANY WHY Germany is, for obvious reasons, a popular spot for Christmas. But while the crowds crush into Nuremberg and Berlin for a dose of a Deutsch-style December 25, our top tip for a magical and less touristed Germanic Christmas is Cologne. This party city on the River Rhine has a spectacular market in the shadow of its Gothic Cathedral’s twin spires (until December 23), and there’s no shortage of opportunities to toast the time of year with a young, boisterous crowd. GET THERE Fly from London Stansted to Cologne with German Wings from £110 return (germanwings.com).

with a generous helping of glögg (mulled wine) and you’ll be filled with Yuletide cheer. The coastal city is also known for its cheap accommodation. GET THERE Fly from London Stansted to Gothenburg with Ryanair from £158 return (ryainair.com). BARCELONA, SPAIN WHY For the chance to enjoy a sunny Christmas Day without a long-haul flight, head to the capital of Catalonia. While the temperature might not quite inspire a trip to the beach, it

KRAKOW, POLAND WHY If you want a guaranteed white Christmas, head east to Krakow. The chilly Polish capital takes this time of year very seriously – the Christmas trees and carols resolutely dig their heels in until the end of January, and street decorations and window-dressings abound. Christmas Eve traditions include a 12-course dinner without meat (carp features heavily), and the gifts are all unwrapped before bedtime, leaving Christmas Day free to visit family and friends. So it will suit impatient types, too. GET THERE Fly from London Stansted to Krakow with Ryanair from £179 return (ryanair.com). GOTHENBURG, SWEDEN WHY You’ll find Scandinavia’s biggest Christmas market at Gothenburg’s Liseberg Amusement Park, where 700 Christmas trees and five million lights make for some understated festivities. Roasted reindeer meat might not seem quite in the right spirit (oh, Rudolph), but follow it 82

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All aboard: the Isle of Wight Steam Railway is running the Santa Special Service

will be mild (about 12ºC) and the rays often escape from the clouds. Both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are marked with huge meals; on the former, soup, pasta, meat and tapas make the menu, while the latter is centred around the traditional turkey. You’ll also swap mulled wine for Cava. GET THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Barcelona with Monarch from £81 return (monarch.co.uk).

HAVE YOURSELF A … UK XMAS YORK, YORKSHIRE WHY York always feels like taking a trip back in time, from wandering its Roman city walls to sauntering down The Shambles, a medieval cobbled street flanked by narrow timber houses dating back to the 14th century. (Seek out the bakers on The Shambles for the addictive ham-andolive bread – the shop shuts once all of the bread sells out.) York does itself right up for Christmas, from festive window displays to the huge tree in St Helen’s Square. For a ye olde English December 25, there is no better place. GET THERE Trains from London King’s Cross to York start at about £28.50 one-way. (eastcoast.co.uk) DARTMOOR, DEVON WHY The rambling moorland of Dartmoor makes the perfect isolated escape for Christmas couples. Hole up in one of the area’s villages for a cosy one by the fire, wherein you will wear fluffy polo-neck jumpers while throwing logs onto the flames, and kiss under the mistletoe framed by a dreamy, soft-focus fog. SEE helpfulholidays.com for a reasonably priced Christmas week in a romantic thatched cottage near Dunsford. ISLE OF WIGHT WHY Until Christmas Eve, the Isle of Wight Steam Railway is running the Santa Special Service. Far from being a guttwistingly twee family experience, you can sit back in a Victorian or Edwardian carriage, get sloshed on mulled wine, munch on mince pies and enjoy the isle’s winter landscape rolling by for £23.50. The promise of a (bracing) ›› pre-Christmas dinner stroll on the beach only adds to

Escape Christmas in Phuket, Thailand

BEST ANTI-CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS Want to flee to a part of the world where turkey with the trimmings would be spat upon and Christmas trees turned to flames? Well, we’re not going to encourage quite such extreme Yuletide hatred, but here’s where to holiday if you want a tinsel-free break with nary a twinkly light in sight …

CHINA: The consumerist orgy that is Christmas was never going to sit well with the People’s Republic of China. Though special administrative regions Hong Kong and Macau celebrate it as a national holiday, in mainland China, December 25 is just another day. Check out the natural wonders of the Yunnan province – the stone forest at Shilin, trekking Tiger Leaping Gorge – for a taste of wild China. HOLY ISLAND, SCOTLAND: Unlikely to be festooned in Yuletide apparel is this Buddhist retreat, a couple of ferry rides from Ardrossan, on the south-west coast of Scotland. Headed up by a Tibetan Buddhist meditation master, you don’t actually have to be a Buddhist to visit this spiritual isle, which is holding a Christmas Retreat from December 21-27 to “reconnect with peace and compassion within” rather than “partaking in the over indulgence associated with this time of year”. See holyisland.org for more. THAILAND: Being a 95 per cent Buddhist country, Thailand isn’t so big on Christmas. Plus, December is one of the country’s cooler, less humid months, so the southern beaches are perfectly suited to some winter sun. NEPAL: Get as far as you possibly can from the seasonal brouhaha and trek Nepal’s trails through the Himalayas. While the almost unearthly vistas are far more likely to inspire a sense of the spiritual from you than an overweight hippy in a silly red suit ever would, the physical challenge might help you sweat out any Scroogey mean-spiritedness you may have been harbouring, too.

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what is a personality-packed Christmas break. Loads of hotels on the island do ‘Turkey & Tinsel’ packages, most including half-board, mince pies and Christmas lunch. SEE iwight.com MATCHAMS, DORSET WHY You can rent cosy log cabins on the edge of the New Forest National Park at Little Paddock, a secluded spot with its own little glen, but not far from the seaside towns of Bournemouth, Poole and Christchurch. The strict ‘adults only’ policy assures a relaxing, private stay, and you can go selfcatering or B&B. SEE Christmas breaks include mulled wine and mince pies on arrival, and cost from £120pp for three nights; see littlepaddock.com for more. BRIGHTON, EAST SUSSEX WHY For an alternative UK Christmas, head to the camp capital of England. If a Christmas dinner of fish and chips on the beach and celebrating Christmas Eve with the town’s drag queens doesn’t capture your imagination, then check out some of Brighton’s more traditional festive offerings. On December 21, the annual ‘Burning the Clocks’ parade illuminates the longest night of the year, as thousands of people carry paper and willow lanterns through the streets. There’s also ice skating at the Royal Pavilion until January. GET THERE Trains from London Victoria to Brighton start at £5 one-way. (firstcapitalconnect.co.uk) ❚

Enjoy colourful festivities in India

BEST LAST-MINUTE DEALS PARIS A four-day Christmas break to the City of Lights is £259pp with Anderson Tours (020 74369304; andersontours.co.uk). Includes return train journey by Eurostar, three nights’ B&B accommodation, guided tour of Paris and Christmas dinner. Departs December 24.

TAIWAN Want to escape Christmas? Then take a trip to the cultural mélange of – and 93 per cent Buddhist/ Taoist – Taiwan. Stay at the San Want Residences Taipei (slh.com/sanwant), in the heart of Taipe’s commercial district, for £85pn as part of the ‘Sparkling Christmas Package’, which also includes a bottle of sparkling wine, buffet breakfast, pineapple cake and wi-fi access.

Aah, there’s nothing like Christmas at Brighton

Go crazy in the markets of Cologne, Germany

US Combine the uber-Christmassy credentials of the US with the tropical holiday cliche that is Palm Beach, Florida and you’ve got yourself a fairly unbeatable sunny Christmas break. The Chesterfield Hotel (slh.com/ chesterfield) offers sherry on arrival, an afternoon tea and cooked English breakfasts for £615 (based on two adults sharing) over three nights.

NEXT WEEK Escape winter: Get a solid dose of Sri Lankan sunshine Paris is fun at Xmas

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Photos: .koelntourismus.de/ Dieter Jacobi ; Getty

MOROCCO A four-night ‘Real Marrakech’ Christmas break is £399pp with Specialist Morocco (020 7193246; specialistmorocco.com). Includes four nights’ B&B accommodation, turkey tagine dinner, a walking tour of ‘the real Marrakech’, full body massage and hammam, day trip to a Berber village, and airport transfers. Excludes flights. Departs December 22.

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* Common at 1am on Friday, November 4, on the way to the bus stop. You said you’d been out in Camden and you kissed me goodbye. I should have asked for your number. Get in touch! =) Paul Asoka Galbraith, via my.tntmagazine.com/forums Scarred for life: Billy, you have been such an AMAZING host! Thank you for showing me all the dodgy parts of London and scaring me shitless on Bonfire Night. It

Lombardi, it was great seeing you over here and getting to see you play live again! I’ll be home soon for parmas at the social club and cheap shots at the backpackers! Sacattack. Looking for Caesar: I met you at the ancient civilisations party on Saturday, November 5.You were a strapping figure of a man. Those five knives in your back were very effective, too. Do you remember, I wanted to find out about your

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#453 Get into the panto spirit by taking the lead role in Peter Pan On Ice

probably wasn’t the best idea buying our own – there is just a tiny scar on my leg from where one of the fireworks went off in the wrong direction! But now I have a battle scar to remind me of you and London Town. Leeloh. Lost phone: After the Rugby World Cup Final at She Bu Walkabout, I found someone’s phone. It’s a pink Samsung, with Vodafone. Give me a buzz if it sounds like your phone. Matt Mahoney. Email matt_is_batman@ yahoo.com.au Good times ahead: Hey

Caesar salad? I asked if I could toss it for you and you kindly obliged. I particularly liked your creamy salad dressing. Get in touch, skirt boy. Dissed friends: Eavan and Marcus, not cool that you got married and did not invite any of us to the wedding! I realise it was in Montreal but still, not cool. That invite to my 30th – scrap it. Dirty. Christmas loner: Due to working for a company that thinks it’s cool to be open Xmas Eve, I can’t travel to Europe for Christmas with my friends and will end up in London alone. Is anybody else in

the same boat as me and willing to spend the day together? I don’t want to spend Christmas Day being sad because Im not at home in Australia. To be honest, I couldn’t be happier to be away somewhere new. I just want someone to drink me under the table, make me laugh and genuinely have some fun. Maybe we could get a crew together and spend Christmas in the country in a cottage or something, as I have three days off? Anway, I’m certain I sound like the biggest loser, but if i dont try, I most certainly will be on the couch with a bottle of wine watching the Jeremy Kyle Show. I’m 24, my name is Skye and I live in South London. If you think you can help me out in any way, contact me on sadxmas@ hotmail.com. Jest. A note to the chipmunk: Justin Bieber, I’m not sure I can be a Belieber anymore, after everything I have put myself through emotionally and physically, trying to follow you around London. I thought you were honest, but no, you are just like all those other rockstars. If you are the baby’s daddy, step up. Anti-Belieber. Dancing queen: I’m looking for the fella in the denim with all the moves on Saturday night, November 5. You said your name was Shaky, and you asked if I wanted to play with your snakey. I said ‘hold on one minute, hotdog, he’s my baby.’ You said, ‘you drive me cwazzzy’. I replied ‘no way, get back behind that green door’. I’ve got two tickets to see Shaky, my lover boy. Will you join me?

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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Goodbye London: After five years of great times, including the Rugby World Cup in France, meeting my wife at the She Bu Walkie on Waitangi Day, a Vegas wedding, and countless travels and hangovers, it is time to head back to little old NZ. Thanks for the memories, London/Edinburgh/ Europe. I can’t wait to start a new life back home with you, Di. Bring on the sun. Stay classy, London. Pies. Enter my snare: I am looking for the little Aussie drummer from the Central Coast. You were at the Church and Walkie on Sunday. I thought you were really hot, so if you want to beat my drum email me and let the good times roll. Dannysmith26@hotmail.com. Xmas holidaymakers wanted: We are looking for a couple or two singles to join our crew for a white Christmas holiday extravaganza in Austria. There are about 10 of us – Aussies and Kiwis – between two separate chalets in Kaprun/Zell am See from December 23 to 30. It costs £230 each for seven nights, plus a £25 deposit for damages. You need to book your own flights. We want to get there on December 23 to be able to buy food and drink for a big Christmas feast. We will also be heading to Berlin on December 30 for New Years Eve, and you would be more than welcome to join. Gene Graham, via my.tntmagazine.com/forums. Stolen kiss: I’m looking for the blonde girl heading to Clapham South by bus from Clapham

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