UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
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The Most Unusual Digest in America
New Patients Always Welcome!
FREE
APRIL 2012
Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103
Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more
TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES
We accept most insurances
27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM
Financing available Armandsab@aol.com
Shown: One-of-a-kind Watermelon Tourmaline
Maine Gemstone Headquarters Always buying Gold, Silver & Coins!
138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com
SPRING HAS SPRUNG THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET PRE-APPROVED OR PRE-QUALIFIED FOR YOUR HOME PURCHASE!
Conventional ★ FHA ★ VA ★ MSHA ★ RD
A local lender you can trust! We also offer refinancing Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336
Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551
181 Center St. Auburn rmsmortgage.com • dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com
This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537
High Stake Poker Submitted by Richard Collins
Six elderly retired Floridians are playing high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse. A member of the group, Meierwitz, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who’s gonna tell his wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discrete, be gentle, and not make a bad situation any worse
Everyone makes mistakes, that why pencil have erasers.
NEW NEW NEW
Arizona Shower Doors Anderson Hardwood Floors Tarkett Flooring Line
April 28th and 29th Come see our display booth at the Maine Home Show at the Lewiston Colisèe
Use your tax
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refund wisely…
Flooring SALE Large Selection of In-Stock Carpets
"Discrete? I’m the most discrete person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name... leave it to me"
plus • Hardwood • Laminates • Ceramic Tile • Carpet Rems • Vinyl Rems Bound Rugs & Runners
Goldberg goes over to the Meierwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $5,000 playing poker and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead," says the wife. "I’ll go tell him," says Goldberg Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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NEW! Exclusive Dealer of
shrmarnold@megalink.net
Hours: Monday 8-7pm Tues - Fri. 8-5pm Sat. 9-2pm
550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831
www.shermarnolds.com I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA APRIL 2012 Saturday, April 7th Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4:30pm – 6 pm (Chapter 12749) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $4.50 Member $6 Guest Sunday, April 8th Flagship Cinema (Chapter 12907) Lewiston/Auburn $4 Member $5 Guest Tuesday, April 10th Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) 63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston $4.50 Member $5 Guest Tuesday, April 17th Pop Shoppe Diner 11am – 1pm (Chapter 14437) 413 Main Street, Lewiston $6 Member $6.50 Guest Sunday, April 22nd KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $4 Member $5 Guest Child / 10 free Tuesday, April 24th Roy’s Allsteak Hamburger’s 4pm - 7pm (Chapter 10589) 5 Washington Ave., Auburn $3 Member $3.50 Guest Wednesday, April 25th Yianni’s House of Pizza 11:30am- 1:00 pm (Chapter 10929) 155 Main St., So.Paris RSVP by 4/24 to 743-7353 or 754-2069 $5 Member $5.50 Guest
800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. *************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.
Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898
www.UncleAndys.com APRIL 2012 Staff JIMBO Go Knights
TRAVIS
Never let school get in the way of your EDUCATION.
Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted
Smile Again Dentures
Sleepless Nights
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
UNCLE ANDY
514-0660
Looks Like 10 Miles of Dirt Road
www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Joe & Mike Adkins
MAGGIE Puppy Patrol
Obsession is the word lazy people give to those of us who are motivated.
MARTY Golf
Saturday, April 14th
ANGIE
FREE Intro Class for Everyone
4 Score & 7 Years Ago
All Programs
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities
Saturday, April 21st Family Yoga 11am Ask about our new family rates
Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com
786-3731
I’m a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up.
Can you blow a balloon up under water?
New Auburn Gun Store Thriving
COMPREHENSIVE FAMILY DENTAL CARE IN A RELAXING, COMFORTABLE ATMOSPHERE
Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. Co-Owners Cory Pratt & Jim Bergeron
Dr. Connelly has served Greater Lewiston/Auburn for the past 11 years. He is proud to now offer comprehensive and caring dental treatment at his brand new office.
Now Accepting New Patients Financing options available Stop in and visit the new practice:
Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.
1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Riverside Firearms, located at 32 Riverside Drive in Auburn, near the Rollodrome & next to John's Auto, has been growing steadily since opening in October of 2011. Owners Cory Pratt & Jim Bergeron say business has grown much faster than anticipated and the duo plan to alter the appearance of the storefront and also expansion plans are in the works to accommodate the booming business. Jim Bergeron told Uncle Andy's Digest, "We really want to thank everyone who has come down to the shop since we've opened, many have been repeat customers. Without our customer's support this business wouldn't be possible." The gun shop offers a wide array of guns & accessories like Hand guns, Rifles & Shotguns, Personal & Concealed Carry Guns, Special Orders, Ammo, Targets, Scopes & more. They Buy, Sell & Trade Guns, too! So if you're in the market for a Firearm, check out Riverside Firearms at 32 Riverside Drive in Auburn. They're open Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am 2pm. You can also reach them by phone by calling 782-6569.
(below Cosmetic & Family Dentistry)
376-4977 www.kevinconnellydmd.com Mon. - Fri. 8:00am - 4:30pm See their ad on page 13.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Sure Is
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
Submitted by Jimbo
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked again about the caller. The man said he didn't know who it was.
LIFEGUARD CERTIFICATION COURSE Ages 15 & Up Registration Opens: March 26th Course Dates: April 16-18, 9:00am-5:00pm each day at the Y.
BABYSITTING COURSE Ages 11-15 Registration Opens: March 26th Class will be held at the Y on Friday April 20th from 9:00am-5:00pm
YOUTH SWIM LESSONS Session 5 Member Registration: April 9th Open Registration: April 16th Session Dates: April 30th to June 23rd
SUMMER CAMP INFORMATIONAL Monday April 30th, 6-8pm at the Y. • Camp Connor (Grades K-8) • Y Kids Camp (Ages 5-8) Registration is now open!
HEALTHY KIDS DAY SATURDAY MAY 5th, 12:00pm - 3:00pm Event is FREE to all. Please register at the Y. The first 75 kids to register will receive a FREE T-Shirt • Healthy Snacks • Gym Games • Family Swim • Family Yoga • Arts & Crafts and more! Bring a T-shirt to tie-dye!
The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?" He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago.'" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Next to County Building, Auburn www.alymca.org • 795-4095
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
The only perfect science is hindsight.
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL We love the atmosphere here at Fusion!
Jimbo on Uncle Andy... He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
PET & OWNER OF THE MONTH Cody is our 3rd Brittany Spaniel and Rudy our 1st Chihuahua mix. Prior to them, our family has raised three English Setters, two litters of English setter pups, a Golden Retriever and a Beagle. All high energy dogs with lots of personality. I have trained several of them myself for hunting birds. But the positive psychological experience of being with a ”Dog Pack” in a controlled environment, has taught Cody to be a better disciplined and well behaved dog more than any “dog trainer” or “dog whisperer” could do. Plenty of exercise and loving care is what Bruce Bilodeau and Lisa Poulin provide. Cody is a happier dog since attending Doggone Fun Doggy Daycare and so is little Rudy, too. Thank you Bruce and Lisa!
Rose colored glasses or not, life is great!
RICHARD & LAUREN POTVIN with their dogs, Cody & Rudy
Daycare & 24/7 Boarding Facility
786-2794
528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
DogGoneFunDoggyDayCare.com
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Wedding
Catering
Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price
We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!! There’s NO PLACE like...
Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!
Dad’s Place
Catering Division • 345-9009 • www.dadsplace.info Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A: A pool table.
FRESH HOT PIZZA! Subs • Sandwiches Wraps • Burgers Italians • Daily Specials Breakfast items Cold beer Agency Liquor Store and so much more!
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any large one-topping pizza
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Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD
Expires 4.30.12
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
New Auburn Business District College Students • Same-day wash-dry-fold service • 20% wash-dry-fold & FREE laundry bag on 1st visit with ID • Self-serve laundry • Largest washers in L/A • Large capacity dryers
Did you know Wednesday is Karaoke night with yours truly, DJ Jeff St. Amand?
Commercial Services • • • • • •
Hotels/Motels Beauty Salons Barber Shops Offices Restaurants Cleaning companies
The Corner
April Specials Comforters any size Wash-Dry-Fold
$12 Sleeping Bags any size Wash-Dry-Fold
$9 782-1966
58 Broad Street • Auburn • thecornerlaundromat.com
FUSION IDOL Finalists ...and it’s also Ladies Night!
I love Friday’s at Fusion for the live bands!
TROP ICAL HARMONY MONY Spring has Sprung! Stop in for snacks & ice cold beer for the golf course!
Marine Fish Coral Supplies All your salt water tank needs right here!
272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Does your train of thought have a caboose?
New Auburn Business District
Toll Booth Submitted by Jimbo
ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM... Call us today!
NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate
Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364
Roller Skating = Family Fun Reserve your Birthday Party NOW!
Thursday Night
Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm
Friday Night
All Skating 7:30 - 10:30
Sat. & Sun.
1:30 - 4:00pm
Saturday Night
Family Night 7:30 - 10pm
Sunday Night
All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm
Find us on Facebook
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 www.rollodrome.com
WOW!
Skate Schedule
Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators
Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for
$
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
12
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’s Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?" The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste." The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The reason? What good is it if you have the inclination, but you don't have the time? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Harry and I would like to say hello to our past customers and thank you for your business!
New Auburn Business District
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Dan Gurney & Harry Leighton Emerson Chevy Buick welcomes Dan Gurney Dan joins Emerson’s sales team after 28 years as General Manager of Leighton’s Store in Auburn. Dan has also been a volunteer little league coach in the Gray-New Gloucester area for the past 6 years. He invites all his family, friends, guests and previous clients to stop in and say hello and to look over the 2011 & 2012 cars and trucks. He is ready to assist you in purchasing or leasing a new or used vehicle. Please feel free to call Dan for a personal appointment today at 784-3503, 577-5589 or toll free at 1-800-6960766 and drive home a great deal. See Dan’s ad on page 14.
Route 4, Center Street, Auburn 784-3503 • 1-800-696-0766
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu
We’re back from vacation and ready to serve you breakfast & lunch, 7 days a week!
87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)
Rolly, Sadie & Rita
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
Waitresses at Rolly’s Diner
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!! Textile & Paper Wipes
• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!
Towels, Tissues & Dispensers
NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A!
Q: How do you tickle a rich girl? A. Say, "Gucci Gucci Gucci!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
12
& Jimbo
APRIL 2012 783-7039
120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
New Auburn Business District
L/A’s Newest Gun Shop
• Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns
Out ’n About at the Indoor Deck Party at Fastbreaks A fundraiser for the Hospice House whose plan is to build a deck for it’s patients
• Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns • Ammo & Targets 32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm
• Special Orders Out ’n About at Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers in Auburn
We just LOVE reading Uncle Andy’s Digest! Ray Mailhot & Colombe Lavalliere
Easter Dinner Sunday, April 8th $
5
Classic Car Show Every Friday Starts 1st week in May!
Reminder: United New Auburn Association meeting is the last Tuesday of every month
Dart playoffs begin last week in April
The Hospice House is an incredible place. If we can help them raise the money necessary to build a deck, we’re in!
New Auburn Social Club
7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039 Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Smart Graduates
Mike Morin’s
Auto Center
Submitted by Richard Collins
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-three students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt. Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles and moms freely brushed away tears. The class would not pray during the commencements - not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it. The principal and several of the students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates and their families. The speeches were nice, but they were routine.....until the final speech received a standing ovation. A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it
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2004 VW JETTA GLI 6-speed, 1-owner, only 61K! Loaded, leather, heated seats, and more!
Only $9995 COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING 1111 Center Street, Auburn Model Tasha Pelletier
& Jimbo
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782-6515
I am a sales consultant, not a car salesman. What that means is I want to guide you, the customer, toward products that meet your wants and needs. I want to make your experience of buying a new or used car as fun and exciting as owning one. (No pressure! I’m not a car salesman!)
784-3503 1-800-696-0766 Cell: 577-5589
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Stop in for a FREE brake inspection!
Dan Gurney
Rte. 4 • Center Street • Auburn
(continued from previous page)
Jewelry doesn’t fit? Bring it in and get it sized. ALL jewelry repairs done in-house by an expert jeweler. Watch Batteries Replaced Watch Bands • Ring Sizings Stone Setting Clasp Replacement • Bead Stringing Appraisals • Eyeglass Repair
The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, "GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you." And he walked off the stage.
Your one-stop Jewelry Store
Mindy
1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com
happened. All 92 students, every single one of them suddenly SNEEZED!!
Tanya
The audience exploded into applause. The graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.
NOT A NUMBERS PERSON? We Love Numbers!
From Financial Reporting to Quickbooks Consulting to Bookkeeping... We can help you with crunching the numbers! Call us today!!
RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 • www.RCCmaine.com
Is your sewing machine running rough? Maybe it’s time for a new
Sewing Machine! reative Sewing Center SEWING MACHINE SALES & SERVICE Fabric • Notions • Classes • Accessories • Patterns
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
336 Center St. • Auburn 782-5922
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Artists: Painted Desert, Arizona
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Zookeeper
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Athletes: Olympia Heights, Florida
Submitted by Jimbo
A man had started a new job at the zoo, after many months of being unemployed. He was determined to make a go of this job and on the first day he asked the Boss "What shall I do?" "Clean out the fish tank" said the Boss. So off he went and started cleaning out the tank, when by accident he sucked up the beautiful fish with the hoover. "Oh no! What shall I do? I'm going to get the sack!" He put the hoover on reverse and emptied all the fish back into the tank but they were all dead. In a state of panic, the man wrapped them up in a bag and threw them to the lions. “No-one will ever know about it, the lions will eat them.” The next day the man asked the Boss what he should do. "Clean the Chimpanzee cage," said the Boss. All was going well, he'd got the place looking immaculate when he accidentally hit one of the chimpanzees in the head with his broom. The chimpanzee was dead and the man got really worried because his job was in danger. He managed to wrap
FOR LEASE 25,000 SQ. FT. 2ND AND 3RD FLOOR
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134 Main Street, Lewiston Call Steve Morgan at
754-2773 themainerealestatenetwork.com email: steve@stevemorgangroup.com
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Candy Makers: Carmel, Indiana
(continued from previous page)
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... College Professors: University City, Missouri
up the chimpanzee and again, threw it to the lions. On the third day the man turned up early and asked the boss what he should do. "Sort out the bee hive" said the Boss. The man walked over to the hive and with all the protective clothing on, he felt confident that nothing could go wrong. Seeing the honey at the back of the hive, his hands went through, careful not to hurt any of the bees but he squashed a few by accident. "Oh no, I've really done it now, what shall I do?" Noticing the lions again, he threw the bees to the lions in the hope that they could dispose of them. The next day a new lion arrived. Trying to impress all the lions in the cage he swaggered over to them and said "Hi, what's the food like in here?" "Well, normally it's very good, steak and all that kind of thing but just recently it's been awfulFish, Chimps and mushy bees!" Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands.
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Indoor Deck Party at Fastbreaks
I'm tickled to be the chairman of the Society for People with Super-Sensitive Feet.
A fundraiser for the Hospice House whose plan is to build a deck for it’s patients
PARTS • SALES • SERVICE This was a great event. It was nice enough to be outside on a deck. Who would of believed we had 80 degree days in March?
WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes
Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Time used to fly; now it's afraid of terrorists.
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
"One of my stereo's speakers is out," said Tom monotonously.
Off-site Audi & VW service available
2000 Audi TT
$
8,500
AWD, 106K, 5-Speed
1999 Ford F350
$
9,000
2006 Saab 9-3 Aero
$
8,995
112K, Grey
AS IS 4X4 OFF ROAD, 122K, 39.5” Super Swampers
2008 Mazda 3
$
10,995
Electric Blue
Other Inventory 04 Audi A6 Wagon, 130K.....................................CALL FOR PRICE 01 Audi A4, 1.8 Turbo, Blue....................................................$5995 04 Chevy Malibu Maxx LT, 91k, Loaded, Leather ...............$6795 02 Chevy Tahoe, 150K ..........................................CALL FOR PRICE 02 Dodge Ram 1500 Sport, 4x4, Reg Cab ..........................$8495 04 Ford Ranger, 4.0, Grey.......................................................$8995 04 GMC Sierra, Ext. cab, 135k.............................................$10500 05 Honda CRV, Manual, 105K.............................................$11500 04 Honda Element, 115K .....................................CALL FOR PRICE 06 Hundai Sonata, Burgundy .................................................$7775 06 Jeep Commander ..............................................................$10500 04 Mini Cooper, Manual, 119k ..............................................$8500 05 Saab Aero, 5-Speed, Navigation, 105k, .........................$7995 03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K .....................................................$6000 07 Toyota Corolla, Silver .........................................................$8995 06 Volvo S60, 2.5 Turbo, Black..............................................$7995 01 Volvo S60, 2.4 Turbo, Tan .................................................$6295 08 VW Rabbit, Roof, Manual..................................................$9995
05 VW Jetta GL, 58K, Manual .............................CALL FOR PRICE 05 VW Passat, 2.8.....................................................................$7500 04 VW Jetta, 1.8 Turbo, Silver................................................$6795 04 VW Jetta, 74K, 1.8 Turbo, Blue.........................................$7795 04 VW Jetta Wagon, 2-Owner, 90K, Auto ...........................$5995 04 VW Passat, Wagon, 1.8 Turbo, Indian ............................$6495 03 VW Passat, Wagon, Manual, 1.8T, Green.......................$6295 03 VW GLI, 6-Speed ..............................................CALL FOR PRICE 02 VW Beetle, Manual, 88k....................................................$6495 02 VW GTI, 1.8 Turbo, Silver..................................................$6000 02 VW GTI 1.8 Turbo, Black....................................................$5795 02 VW Jetta, 1.8 Turbo, Blue..................................................$5995 01 VW GLX, VR6, 186K, Leather, 5-Speed..........................$3500 01 VW GTI, VR6, 5-Speed, 109K ..........................................$6000 00 VW VR6 Jetta GLX, 106K, Manual..................................$5495 99 VW Jetta, 2.0, Red ..............................................................$4000 26” Lexani wheels.....................................................................$1300
See our entertainment line-up on our website or in our ad on page 40.
1298 Sabattus Street www.independentauto.me Sweat: Workman's Condensation
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
783-7039 19
We only have one person to blame, and that’s each other. – Larry Breck
Foreign Car Service KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
VOLVOSPECIALIST.NET 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300
Flower Power
Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery
Michelle Stebbins, Ann Perkins & Marie Leblanc
Quilters & Kni tters!
DAN BOYD
Check out our: • 2000+ bolts of contemporary quilt fabrics • Custom cut jelly rolls, layer cakes & charm packs
I’ll pay you CASH for your antiques!
• Lots of batiks, brights, polka dots & stripes • Huge selection of sock yarn & Maine yarns • Basketry supplies
909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 Quilt-Essentials.com
FREE DRINK *Offer valid with coupon Expires 4/30/12
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items
State & Federally Licensed Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8
with purchase of combo meal
Auction Company
Dan Boyd
998-4083 or 754-1009
Sales & Service
940 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
755-1340 Sorry, we do not accept cards at this time
I need some duct tape - my duck has a quack in it.
Out ’n About at the Indoor Deck Party at Fastbreaks
Syntax is all the money collected at church from sinners.
10% OFF with this ad
A fundraiser for the Hospice House whose plan is to build a deck for it’s patients
Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups
• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries
Ron Moon, Manager
207-657-5000
35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039
JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the magnificently low price of
$ 777-3339
329
Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building
216 Center Street, Auburn www.soundeffectsmaine.com
TIME TO FIX THOSE WARNING LIGHTS! When you see this come on
PUT YOUR TAX REFUND TO GOOD USE!
$ Call
15 OFF
Hourly Service Rate with this coupon Expires 4.30.12
NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net
Different place to get married: Altarnative
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Out ’n About at Emerson Toyota Foxie, you’re pretty foxy in my book!
L/A’s Complete Auto Shop Complete Repair & Service • Auto & Light Truck Body Repair • Restorations • Custom Paint Towing discount with shop repair. 24/7 Towing Available. Call today!
845 Washington St. North, Auburn
Jan Marcotte
782-5500 Ron “Foxie” Fox retires after 41 years of selling Toyotas
Justin Hedge Congrats, Foxie! Enjoy retirement. You deserve it!
Pictured is Foxie with Jim Emerson. Foxie received an engraved gold watch from Emerson Toyota and a commemorative plaque from Toyota Motor Sales. The plaque reads "Thank-you for 41 years of loyal and dedicated service," Toyota Motor Sales. Congratulations & Best Wishes on Your Retirement Foxie!
COUNT S I D
DAVE’S AUTOWORLD
Dave Rich, Sr., President 1876 Lisbon St., Lewiston, ME 04240
Mike Nadeau
(207) 782-2800
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Toll Free: (888) 500-1550 Financing for Everyone!
& Jimbo
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The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
HIT THE TRAILS THIS SPRING IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!
SHARE OUR PASSION
AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc
Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.
84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
AYURVEDIC WELLNESS CARE A•YUR•VE•DIC Rarely treating the symptoms, Ayurveda cures by removing the cause of disease. It is the oldest surviving complete medical system in the world. Derived from its ancient Sanskrit roots - 'ayus' (life) and 'ved' (knowledge) Ayurveda literally means "Knowledge of Life". It offers a unique blend of science and philosophy that brings harmony of body, mind and spirit.
Ayurveda can help you with: Pain Management • Bonesetting • Stress • Anxiety • Increase Energy Enhance Quality of Life • Improve Memory • Create a Sense of Well-Being & More.
Christopher Harris, 54 High Street, South Paris For info or an appointment with Chris contact Jen at 207-653-8996
Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent you!
Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Receive FREE
Automatic Car Wash
$
3 OFF
Basic Oil Change
$
5 OFF
Premium Oil Change
with Oil Change
698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm
Dislike of a relative: Auntagonism
Limit one coupon per customer. Expires 4.30.12
has recently opened his new practice in Family and Cosmetic Dentistry at 1065 Lisbon Street in Lewiston. Dr. Connelly has been practicing in the area for over 11 years. He specializes in stress free comprehensive dentistry for the whole family. At Dr. Connelly's office you will receive dental care that is friendly and comfortable. Offering a wide range of dental procedures including Fillings, Crown and Bridge work, Veneers, Root Canal Treatment, Extractions, Cosmetic Whitening, Invisible Braces, Denture Services, Adult and Child Cleanings, Sealants, and Periodontal Treatment and Care. Dr. Connelly is a graduate of Tufts University. He also completed a two year residency at Lutheran Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY, with the second year as chief resident. He served as president of the York County Dental Society in 2002-2003. He is a native of Brooklyn, NY, and moved to Maine in 2001 and now resides in Turner with his wife, Heidi, and two children. Dr. Connelly is offering the same dedicated treatment to his current and past patients at his new location but also welcomes new patients. Kevin and his wife, Heidi, would like to say a special thank you to everyone who helped them in the transition into their new practice. They would like to thank Dr. Auster of Family and Cosmetic Dentistry, Stacy Cobb of Northwestern Mutual, and all of their close friends, family, and loyal patients. Call the office at 376-4977 or 376-4978 today and schedule an appointment to meet with Dr. Kevin M. Connelly. See their ad on page 5 for more information.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Out ’n About at Emerson Toyota
Cat show judge: Purrfectionist
41 years, Foxie! That’s awesome!!
Andrea Wedge Nobody has worked harder or longer than Foxie!
Paul Allard Now maybe the rest of us stand a chance to sell some cars...
Ray Toutain Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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He bought a pig in a poke.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Out ’n About at Emerson Toyota
Emerson Toyota is going through major renovations & upgrades.
Here we grow again!
Steve St. Pierre
Even thru the construction we’re working hard to get your business!
Eric Mortensen
Foxie, I wish you’d come back and help me close some deals!
Brian Dennis When a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at. – Epperson's Law
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Knocking on Heaven’s Door Submitted by Richard Collins
A group of people approached the gates of heaven seeking admission. In the group was a mathematician, an author, an engineer, and and an old couple. They were met by St. Peter and were told that to be admitted to Heaven, they must ask God a question that he can’t answer. The mathematician gave St. Peter an equation that had never been solved. St. Peter was quickly back with the answer. The author’s question concerned an obscure literary allusion, and the engineer’s question concerned an impossible engineering problem. Again, St. Peter was quickly back with the answers. Then the old couple gave their question. St. Peter came back, opened the pearly gates and welcomed the old couple to heaven. The three highly intelligent men who didn’t make it wondered what the old couple could have possibly asked. Then one of them saw a piece of paper on the ground, picked it up. It was the old couple’s question. He read, "When will our kids get their lives together? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Life is a game, the object of which is to discover the object of the game. – Sanders' Rumination
Try out our state-of-the-art service department and save money! We service all makes and models on all trucks, vans, and cars
Cooling System Service
Service Level A $
29.95
Every 3K Special Price
Reg. price $49.95
• Oil & filter change • Complete chassis lubrication • Inspect tires • Factory recall inspection • Multi-point inspection Expires 4/30/12. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.
$
109.95
Special Price
Reg. price $139.95 Install cooling system flush to coolant; allow to circulate to remove scale deposits. Perform computer controlled back flush pressure test system, check hoses, cap & connections. (Every 100K) Expires 4/30/12. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.
Fuel/Air Induction Service Removes deposits from fuel rail, injectors, intake and manifold valves. Also removes deposits from combustion chamber, cylinder heads, piston crowns, and intake valves (every 30K)
$
Special Price
129.95 Reg. price $149.95
Expires 4/30/12. One coupon per customer. May not be combined with any other offers.
We offer 24 hour towing services for any vehicle
Goodwin
Chevrolet Buick - Oxford
1-866-370-9225 Check out other great coupon specials online 1606 Main St. (Rt. 26) Oxford, ME • goodwinmotorgroup.com The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up. – Bob Uecker
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. – Fran Lebowitz
You don’t have to hunt around for a great auto loan!
Out ’n About at Emerson Toyota I’m still dreaming of Jamaica.
Low Rates ✥ Fast Approvals ✥ Extended Terms
Call Us Now!
Rich Asselin Foxie, you da man! It’s time to kick back and relax. Enjoy!
Vinnie Goulet
NEWS FLASH!
Great Falls Federal Credit Union *Restrictions & qualification apply
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500
www.greatfallsfcu.com
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. – Demetri Martin
Ron “Foxie” Fox retires after 41 years of selling Toyotas. See page 22 for details. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Plan, Prepare and Pace
A January 2012 US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report listed important findings about binge drinking. Binge drinking is defined by the National Institute on Alcohol and Alcoholism as consuming 5 or more drinks per occasion for males and 4 or more drinks per occasion for females. One finding showed that 20% of Maine people engaged in binge drinking more than 5 times in the past month and consumed an average of 8 drinks per occasion. The surprise factor to this report is that seniors age 65 and older reported binge drinking more frequently, an average of 6 occasions per month. Previous reports have shown that males 18-34 are the largest percentage of binge drinkers and this remains true; they averaged 4 drinking occasions per month and drank 8-9 drinks per occasion. Maine adults rank higher than the national average on the number of occasions they binge drink and the number of drinks consumed at each binge drinking occasion. Guy Cousins, Director of the Maine Office of Substance Abuse says, “Regardless of the number of occasions, binge drinking is dangerous for the consumer and others around them. Binge drinking is known to lead to significant social and health consequences such as unintentional injuries, violence, fatal car crashes, unwanted sexual contact and related risks.” The Maine Office of Substance Abuse provides information and ideas about how to safeguard against over drinking through the Party Smarter campaign. The campaign is based on the context that planning and preparing for a night out and pacing the number of drinks consumed will lead to an enjoyable event that will not be regretted afterward. Access these tips at maine.gov/partysmarter. If you, or someone you know, thinks they may have a problem with alcohol, www.Alcoholscreening.org is a free resource available to determine if further screening by a professional is needed. The tool provides the names and contact information for people who can help. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems
OUR TIRES
✃
Buy 2 NEW Tires A $24 Value!
and receive a
FREE Oil Change*
Expires 4.30.12
Party Smarter
*5 quarts max, non-synthetic - must have coupon to qualify.
60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210
782-6666 or 783-2026
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
Your One Stop Shop for Motorcycle Insurance 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com
Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram
Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!
828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983
We do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs
$
5
OFF
Oil Change 5 Quarts, Full Service with Mobil Oil & Filter (Made in USA)
Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 4.30.12
Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm
$
Labor Rate $48/hr
OFF Any Fluid Exchange
10
OWNER BILL ROY
Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 4.30.12
Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm
Don't go knocking on heaven's door. Ring the doorbell and run, He hates that!
We like to start ‘em young! Hey Mommy! Listen to this one...
Chase Hogan reading Uncle Andy’s Digest in the car... she wouldn't leave Youly's without it... no joke! We didn't even set the picture up, she did it all on her own. Chase is the daughter of Jen & Matt Hogan (Jen works at Community Credit Union).
To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website
www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856
Blake Dow is loving being a new big brother. His little brother Zander was born on Feb 23rd at 2am, his Grampy Big Gare's Birthday, too!
The way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Healthy Living By Natasha Piirainen
If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Nervous about seeing the dentist?
ANXIETY-FREE DENTISTRY I have an awesome but insane family. Recently we decided to try and live a healthier life-style, and I use the word healthy very, very loosely. For one thing, my mother does not understand what a small portion is. “Hey mom,” I’ll say, “Could you scoop a small amount of mashed potatoes onto my plate?” “Sure, Tash,” she’ll reply, as she proceeds to recreate Mount Everest in mashed potato form on my plastic dinner plate. “Hey mom,” I’ll say, “Could you get me a small amount of cake?” “Sure, Tash,” she’ll reply, as she cuts a piece of cake comparable to the size of our toaster-oven. Her inability to understand correct portion sizes has indeed hindered my family’s ability to actually start living that healthier lifestyle, however my father discovered a way to counteract the dinosaur-scale dinner servings; he calls it ‘random squats’. At any point during the day my father will shout out as loud as he can, “RANDOM SQUATS!” All of us Piirainen’s within ear shot have to drop whatever we’re doing, stand up, and join him in ten to twenty literally random squats. It can be anytime, and unfortunately, anywhere. We’ve done random squats during American Idol, we’ve done random squats at the Oxford Walmart, we’ve even done random squats at a baby shower! People stare, but as my family likes to say people only stare because we look so good and fit thanks to all of those random squats. Natasha is a student at Wheaton College with English & Philosophy Majors. She will be interning at Uncle Andy’s Digest this summer and will be a regular columnist. We look forward to her straightening out all the grammatical errors and misuse of the english language made at Uncle Andy’s Digest.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Now you can stop worrying & start smiling again!
THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY • We pride ourselves in presenting a caring, friendly environment in which we provide state of the art comprehensive dentistry. • Focused, individual care. • Totally relaxed dentistry with the option of conscious oral or IV sedation. • Treating all your dental needs at one location. • No more loose false teeth with the placement of affordable implants. • 0% financing available as well as cash discounts. • Whether it’s preventative, restorative, or surgical, we can meet most of your needs right here.
. . . y a d o t s u l l Ca You’ll be glad you did! Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.
THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY Complete Family Dentistry 220 Main Street, Auburn • 784-7355 or 866-716-6128 www.AuburnDental.com
Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page. Trust everybody, but cut the cards. – Finley Peter Dunne
You might be a redneck if… you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head. – Jeff Foxworthy
SAVE UP TO 50% You name it, we frame it! Weddings, family photos, artwork & more! Most Offers
Call and ask us how.
Come with a Hook This is Ours. Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.
Dan Williams, owner
Custom framing is more affordable than you might think. Check us out!
23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 www.DandRFraming.com
Be a part of a team devoted to making a difference in the lives of others! WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE
Benefits Include: • Generous time-off program • Employee Assistance Program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision • And more!
Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer
124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108
Terrace Water Submitted by Jimbo
My wife and I were having lunch at a fashionable eatery in Annapolis when we noticed what looked like a familiar face at the next table. Screwing up my courage, I asked, "Excuse me. Aren't you Marlin Fitzwater, the former White House press secretary?" "Yes, I am," he acknowledged, and graciously interrupted his lunch to talk to us. As we were leaving the restaurant, I remarked to the hostess, "Do you know you have Marlin Fitzwater on the terrace?" "I'm not sure about that," she replied, "but we have Perrier and Evian at the bar."
Guitar, Gig Bag & Professional Set-up included
$
259
Authorized Service Center
Only 2 available
Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair
376-3376 At my age flowers scare me. – George Burns
134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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She was so old, when she went to school they didn’t have history. – Rodney Dangerfield
Bakery Steve Bosinger of Austin Associates Appointed Treasurer of United Way Austin Associates, PA, CPAs, has long been a supporter of the United Way of Androscoggin County. Steve Bosinger, COO, joined the United Way Board of Directors in 2010 and has recently been appointed Treasurer of the Board. An accountant with Austin Associates, Steve works with a wide variety of businesses and individuals to plan and implement tax and accounting strategies and is currently accepting new clients. He may be reached at 783-9111. Austin Associates, PA, CPAs is a full service accounting and business advisory firm. Founded by Earl B. Austin, Jr. in 1950, the firm has expanded to seven principals and offers a full range of services in industry niches in addition to its traditional tax, audit and accounting practices.
&
WineCellar • Cookies • Creme Horns • Pastries & Mini Pastries
Baked Items • Cupcakes • Pies • Brownies
• • • •
Eclairs Donuts Whoopie Pies Cakes
Meal Time • 2 Soups Every Day • Smiling Hill Farms • Egg, Ham & Chicken Salad Milk • Meat Pie & Salmon Pie • Over 25 Different • Bean Specials Cheeses • Breads
Specialty& Miscellaneous Items • Over 20 Different Kinds of Fudge • Toasted Nuts
• Custom Cakes • Kettle Corn • Garlic Knots
Wines & Champagnes
See their ad on page 62.
The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today.
Over 500 labels of wine 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552
They are demanding to make less money! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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www.benoitsbakery.com Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places! – Alfred E. Neuman
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL You gotta check out L/A’s most modern night club & lounge!
"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear." – Rosa Parks
THANK YOU
Yes it’s true, I have been accused of looking a little like Matthew McConaughey...
To all of our customers for 9 great years! We look forward to many more years of providing great service, quality & helping you look & feel your best!
170 Main Street • Auburn
782-5920 Don Pardo, the Saturday Night Live announcer, is 94 years old.
But seriously, we look forward to seeing you. Come on in and say hi! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Hello Uncle Andy’s Digest, My name is Kyra Gamache and I am 12 years old and a 7th grader. I love writing, and hopefully someday soon I will expand and my message out there for the world to see. I wanted to send you what I have written and hope that you can use it in your magazine.
"Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will." – Vernon Howard
Dear Kyra, Thank you for your submission. Here you go, your wish is our command. Enjoy! – UAD
EARTH AS WE KNOW IT By Kyra Gamache
Life does not come with instructions nor is it easy, but that doesn't mean it’s impossible to take on. Take it on with a good heart. A heart that will help the world and take challenges each and everyday. Just because at one point in your life you did not make the best decisions doesn't mean you can’t change it. Cherish each step you take, each breath you take while you’re on earth. Being on earth is a gift. Take it on like that. The world is a crazy place filled with violence and hurt. But where is the love and the helping hand? The helping hand starts with you, but won’t end with you. We can change the world. Each day you live pay it forward. Help the people who are not loving; because they are not loved. Take on the world with God in your heart and help the people. You can't change the world or help; it if you don't change and help the people.
I have a map of the United States… actual size. – Steven Wright
STORE FRONT OR OFFICE SPACE FOR LEASE 1350 square feet of prime commercial store front/office space available immediately. Most recently operated as a bakery, but can be modified to suit tenant’s needs. Lease includes: Heat, Hot water, Air conditioning, Plowing and Rubbish removal. Plenty of parking. Located in Mechanic Falls on the way to the new Oxford Casino with a high traffic count.
Call Larry at 576-2885 FMI Call today before it’s gone!
Kyra Gamache Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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A policeman is called a cop because it comes from the term, "Constable On Patrol."
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce – instantly. – Demetri Martin
LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED
Breakfast served all day! HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm; Sun. 10am-8pm
OUTDOOR PATIO NOW OPEN Sandwiches • Wraps • Soups • Salads & More
600 Turner Street, Auburn
784-3434 www.heidisauburn.com
Gluten-free Wraps & Soups Available
Beer & Wine available
Spring has sprung at FITNESS ®
STRENGTH, INTEGRITY & ENDURANCE THRU ZUMBA
754-9411 20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) www.SPRQstudio.com
Join us for a picnic basket full of all the best choices in YOUR FIRST CLASS IS ALWAYS FREE!
HEALTH, WELLNESS, & FEEL GOOD NEEDS!
Classes offered in Sabattus, Lisbon Falls, Poland, Minot & Topsham. Fun for the whole family!
We’ll buy your golden eggs!
WE BUY GOLD & Silver Frankie’s Pawn @ PAWN • BUY • SELL • TRADE Music Equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles
128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588 Tues. - Sat. 10-6 • Closed Sun. & Mon.
You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car. – Jeff Foxworthy
Coffee, Tea or Me Submitted by Jimbo
Many people assume that Earl Gray tea got its name by being the favorite of that English earl. However, it seems that there is a small town in Wales named Earl Gray where the town's citizens are getting concerned about the ability of their mayor to continue in office. The incumbent was initially elected in 1972 and she has run unopposed in every election since. Unfortunately, her age now hinders her from getting about. What the citizens are saying is that -- the Earl Gray mayor, she ain't what she used to be!
Talking Dog I have a dog that talks in its sleep. One day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow, "My name is Christopher Columbus! I am seven hundred years old! I own America! I married Marilyn Monroe!" When the visitor asked what was going on, I replied, "Don't worry about it. It's better to just let sleeping dogs lie." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
Waiting Room Books: KNOCKING YOUR FUNNY BONE by Howard Hertz
TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!
Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile Batteries.......................$7 ea. ...................................20 or more = $8 ea. Marc Paquette with Julia & Emma
Alloy Rims .......................................$13 ea. ...................................10 or more = $14 ea. Catalytic Converters...................$8-$240 .......................(avg. payout is about $70) Computer Towers .................................$4 Mother Boards............................$2.50 lb.
Danny Poisson & Machenna
Brass.....................................................$2 Motors • Pumps • Computer Board Scraps Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions.
Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)
We pay the highest prices in town. Stop by and see us!
15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.
Mark Pilot with Abigail & Abrina Of the Village People’s six members, five sport mustaches. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm
615-7057 or 795-8887
Bev & Peter
Waiting Room Books: CALM DOWN by Ed. G. Nerves
The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE. AND OPENING R G
April 7th Giveaways
Pool & Hot Tub Specials All month – Order early and save!!
24’ Above Ground Pool APRIL SPECIAL $
COMPLETE PACKAGE
NEW LOCATION 1525 Minot Ave. Auburn
795-7222
2499
(across from Coleman’s Collision)
With Automatic Pool Cleaner
Did I hear DJ Kool V is here every Saturday night?
www.poolbuildersofmaine.com
That’s what I saw on FusionLewiston.com
Welcome to the Church of the Leafy Vegetable. Lettuce pray.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
A human can hear the tick of a watch from about 20 feet in very quiet conditions.
I think I’ll play my hidden immunity IDOL. I don’t want to be voted off FUSION Island...
I love all the MAINESTREAM music they play at Fusion!
1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway
596 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-8811 www.maine-lyaction.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Waiting Room Books: HANDLING YOUR EMOTIONS by Mel. N. Collie
Top Shelf
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Submitted by Jimbo
GREAT MEAT PACKAGES! 4 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS HAM STEAK 4 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 1 LB BOILED HAM 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 1 LB BOLOGNA 2 LBS CUBE STEAK 1 LB AMERICAN CHEESE 2 LBS PORK SAUSAGE
$
57
5 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS TOP ROUND 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK 3 LBS CUBE STEAK 2 LBS BACON ROAST 6-7 LBS SMOKED 3 LBS PORK ROAST SHOULDER 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 5 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 2 LBS PORK CHOPS
$
99
Many more packages available Call or stop by for more info
10 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS PORK RIBS 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK 1 LB BACON ROAST 1 LB PORK SAUSAGE 3 LBS PORK CHOPS 2 LBS RED FRANKS 5 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 6-7 LB SMOKED 2 LBS STEW BEEF SHOULDER 2 LBS TOP ROUND 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 2.5 LBS CHICKEN NUGGETS
$
125
We do allow substitutions
5% COUPON
SAVE even more!!
10 LBS GROUND CHUCK 10 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK ROAST 3 LBS BLADE STEAK 2 LBS STEW BEEF 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 2.5 LBS CHICKEN NUGGETS 4 LBS PORK ROAST 3 LBS PORK CHOPS 3 LBS PORK RIBS 2 LBS PORK SAUSAGE 2 LBS BACON 2 LBS HAM STEAK 2 LBS RED FRANKS 6-7 LB SMOKED SHOULDER
$
All orders must be pre-paid before they are cut
Poirier’s Market 38 Walnut Street, Lewiston • 782-1041
159
Delivery available on packages $57+ within 5 mile radius
I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call to come to my rescue. "Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"
Line from an old Western: Get off the cook stove, grandpa, you're too old to ride the range.
TESTIMONIAL We get a lot of calls everyday, and a lot of those calls come from our ad in Uncle Andy’s Digest. It’s awesome!
It is by far the best advertising in the region and the best bang for our buck! Not to mention the great looking ads they put together for us!!
Bev & Peter Michalak Battery Advertising since May 2011 See their ad on page 36.
Waiting Room Books: HOW TO MAKE A TOURNIQUET by Hank R. Schiff
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R EE VE F CO NCE NO TRA EN NO
ER KAR Y W AO ED KE NE SD AY
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
EV
Out ’n About at the Rollodrome in Auburn
Restaurant & Lounge
FUSION IDOL WINNERS Balls Bearing Thightanic A great workout!
Thanks to everyone who performed & participated!
FUSION IDOL SEASON 2 Every Wednesday until May 23rd Bob, Donald & Billy
$600 IN CASH PRIZES!!! Karaoke Every Wednesday!
@ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston
576-6384 Chris & Sandy Keep on Rolling!
www.FusionLewiston.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
To err is human; to purr, feline.
& Jimbo
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Local Restaurants & Entertainment
UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee
Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!
MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast............$3.95 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast...................$3.95
1 OFF
WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes .....................$3.95 THURSDAY: French Toast...............................................$3.95 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette ...........................................$3.95 5 Washington Street, Auburn
783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome
$
SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ..............$3.95 SUNDAY: French Crepes.................................................$3.95
Prices do not include tax.
Any Purchase of $500 or more
1 coupon per order
✁
Expires 4.30.12
Quit & WINners
Cash prize winners were Meaghaan Tolman of Auburn, $250; Karen Ferguson of Turner, $100; Diane Atwood of Auburn, $100; Henry Gagnon of New Gloucester, $100; Larry Greene of Lewiston, $50; and Terry Sandborn of Turner, $25. The $200 bonus award for calling the Maine Tobacco Helpline went to Karen Ferguson of Turner.
I GOT MUGGED AT 150 MILL!
Home of the newest Mug Club in L/A
150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088 • www.davinciseatery.com Where Professionals Go On Vacation... TV Evangelists: Paradise, California
Healthy Androscoggin’s
13th Annual Quit & Win Celebration Healthy Androscoggin’s 13th Annual Quit & Win Celebration was held recently at Marco’s Italian Restaurant in Lewiston. More than 30 participants, helpers and family members gathered to celebrate their success in taking the important first step in living tobacco-free. Healthy Androscoggin staff, coalition volunteers, coalition board members and program sponsors were on hand to congratulate those who had stopped using tobacco with the Quit & Win program. Participants were invited to register for prize drawings, which included gifts donated by local businesses. The grand prizes included cash awards for both program participants and their helpers. Wendy Tardif, executive director of the Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope & Healing spoke at the event and helped award the prizes. Wendy Tardif shared her tobacco cessation journey as well as the lessons she has learned along the way. During the event, Healthy Androscoggin recognized the corporate sponsors of this year’s Quit & Win program: Central Maine Comprehensive Cancer Center, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Procter & Gamble, Central Maine Heart and Vascular Institute, St. Mary’s Health System, and Schooner Estates and thanked them for their support. While only a small number of participants and helpers won the cash prizes, Steven Johndro, Executive Director at Healthy Androscoggin, congratulated all participants on becoming tobacco-free and expressed that the celebration was to celebrate their accomplishments in becoming tobacco-free. Johndro added that although Quit & Win has concluded for this year Healthy Androscoggin stands ready to help individuals and organizations who are ready to go tobacco-free. For information about quitting tobacco, call Healthy Androscoggin at 7955990 or visit www.healthyandroscoggin.org.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Rollodrome in Auburn
We’re waiting for Roller Derby to start.
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
THIRSTY THURSDAY
TUESDAYS $1.50 DRAFTS $1 TACOS
$1.50
Domestic Drafts
KARAOKE
SATURDAY APRIL 28TH
1/2 PRICE APPETIZERS
Derrek & Rick This 20 plus crowd on Thursday nights is a blast. I feel 20 again when I’m on rollerskates!
Jumbo Wings
LIVE MUSIC
EVERY WEDNESDAY
SAT. APR. 7TH
. FRI. & SATIC LIVE MUS
75¢
Arm Wrestling Tournament weigh-ins start at 4pm
REGGAEFEST Live Music Outdoor Tents & More!
Check out or Facebook page for details!
Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close
743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
Gift Card Special Buy a $25 gift card . . .get $5 extra for free Buy a $30 gift card . . .get $10 extra for free Ken & Nancy
Gift cards are great for Graduation Birthdays Anniversaries
Holidays Thank-You’s & more
Don’t forget Administrative Professionals Day is Wed. April 25th
Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi Guess how many fingers I’m holding up behind my back? See page 105 for the answer.
730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA
376-4855 Pauline & Sharon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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jasminecafemaine.com
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
Since 1953
Out ’n About at the Rollodrome in Auburn
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com
The Luiggi's Gang invites you...
Ken & Scott
EVERY DAY: Regular 1-Topping Pizza with Fountain Drink Only $4.99
Come get your “Drome” on with us on Thursday nights!
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Fridays
Did You Know? Tues. & Wed.
Awesome, fresh, hot, loaded, crusty Complete Meal Lunches LOBSTER SUB w/onion rings $4.99 for only $10.95
Sundays After Church $7.50 or $8.50
Complete Meal Choices
Thurs. & Fri.
Complete Meal Lunches
$5.95
Easter Sunday
Delicious Baked Ham Dinner
$9.95 (Reservations taken for parties of 5 or more)
Come see what’s going on at the
Disetoen Chick-oAf L-ew You’re gonna like it!
1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 376-3870 Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Vicky & Friends The temperature of lava is dependent on the geographic location. For example, Hawaiian lava can be as hot as 2,140 degrees Fahrenheit. By contrast, lava from mountains like Mount St. Helen's can be several hundred degrees cooler. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
APRIL 2012
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OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE
Hello there Uncle Andy’s Digesters. Happy Spring! Time to dust off the lawn mower and trade in the shovel for a weed wacker, though I’m not convinced that is an even trade. If you find yourself getting a one-arm workout attempting to start all ya summatime powah tools, ya better check out Reggie’s Sales & Service. They provide quality local sales and service for all your small engine summer toys. So before you go tearing your rotator cuff and end up on the DL all summer, do yourself this favor: stimulate the local economy by spending your refund check on a new lawn mower at Reggie’s. If your mower is running tip top and you have a bigger project in mind, you may want to look up St. Laurent and Son at stlaurentandson.com. From stone dust to rock, they got it in stock. They have a wide range of services from excavating to concrete and hey, they will give ya a free estimate. So, if you aren’t looking to get into any spring cleaning or yard work, what kind of plans have you got for April? I will say I’m going to celebrate a birthday and enjoy the cooler weather here before the summer heat moves in to stay. That time when I can no longer walk to the car without every piece of clothing I am wearing being stuck to me. Not to mention that you can’t even drive because the steering wheel in your mobile sauna is too hot to grasp. I tried oven mitts and the oven gloves, but I find they are not the optimum driving gloves. Let me know your spring plans! Tweet me at UADMiamimike or email me at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com. As always Digesters, I appreciate you taking the time to read Out ‘n About with Miami Mike and look forward to hearing from you soon! Until next month I say, good day!
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
Check the website at www.kidsbowlfree.com
Summer Leagues are now forming! Register now and receive 3 FREE games a week
$ 00
2. OFF With this coupon Limit 1 per customer. Expires 5.1.12
24 Mollison Way • Lewiston
786-2695
to see our daily specials & prices
www.sparetimerec.com Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
Prepare to be WOW ’d Hibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine • Late Night Lounge •
Out ’n About in Jamaica! with Rich & Stephanie Asselin on their honeymoon
A little Jamaican coffee with some light reading, yes!
A beach view, yes!
Lunch: Mon - Fri 11:30 am - 2:30pm Dinner: Mon - Thur 4pm - 10pm; Fri 2:30pm - 11pm; Sat 1pm - 11pm; Sun 1pm - 9:30pm
Japanese Cuisine
Uncle Andy’s sure gets around!
Stephanie Asselin
40 East Ave., Lewiston (Lewiston Mall Shopping Center)
795-6888 in lture right here A little bit of cu Greater L/A! You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids’ Easter eggs under cow pies. – Jeff Foxworthy
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Take Out Talk
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
Submitted by Jimbo
DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH
A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food. While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!" Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.
Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm • Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm
Wall of Fame Inductee I can’t bring home the bacon... I ate that, too!
Starting on May 4th, Egg-ceptional will offer a new wine and beer selection. And – A New Dinner Menu! Open from 7am-2pm every morning, 3-8pm Fridays & Saturdays.
Mike Poulin of Lewiston
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!
Check us out! Home of the Double Yolker
Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere
Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 You might be a redneck if… your dad’s cell number has nothing to do with a telephone. – Jeff Foxworthy
Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!" He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks selfconsciously under the stool. A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!" (continued on next page)
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First Pitch 1:05 A.M. RED SOX OPENING DAY THURSDAY, APRIL 5TH
MLB Extra Innings showing most of the games in HD VOTED BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT ★ 11 Years in a Row VOTED BEST WAITSTAFF for 2011 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.) – Demetri Martin
(continued from previous page)
Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too. – Mitch Hedberg
As seen on the Uncle Andy’s Digest Facebook page
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"
Our monthly “Caption Contest” is becoming a lot of fun! We asked for fans to enter their funny comments about the photo below. The fans then had to request their friends to “LIKE” their comment. The fan with the most “LIKES” would win a $50 gift card to DaVinci’s Restaurant. Once again, we had some great response!
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."
CAPTION CONTEST
"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him. "Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary." Rule of Thumb The term “Rule Of Thumb” comes from an old English law that states that a man could not beat his wife with anything wider than the width of his thumb. Submitted by Richard Collins
This month’s winner in our caption contest was: Helen Heikkinen
Copper Stopper
Her caption: “Honey, did you forget to rinse the baby's bottles again?” (She had 15 LIKES)
Submitted by Richard Collins
We had many, many great captions. Here are the runners up:
In 1943, because copper was needed for the war effort, pennies were made of zinc coated steel. Because of an error, about six copper pennies were released into circulation. They are worth $100,000 each. Beware of fakes. If you think you have one, try lifting it with a magnet. If you can, it’s a fake.
2nd Place: Kathy Flint with 7 LIKES. “Hey Mumma, look what I can do!” 3rd Place: Diane Jack with 4 LIKES. “Huffed and Puffed...curled my toes, into the diaper, and out of the nose.” 4th Place: Mindy Hibbard with 4 LIKES. “Certified organic bubbles.”
Like us on Facebook and join the fun! Facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest
Toilet training a young child is always a matter of pot luck.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Big Green Tractor
You might be a redneck if… a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack. – Jeff Foxworthy
Submitted by Jimbo
The Tie Dye Gang
As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor Tshirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost! You can imagine he was rather put off with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. All the posters came down, the toys were given (continued on next page)
Front (l to r): Rita Fournier, Jean Blais, Sadie Blais, Linda Nadeau & Rolande Blais Back (l to r): Adren Fournier, Mike Horton, Steve Blais, Jeff Blais, Ken Blais, Jordan Blais & Roland Blais Nicknamed “The Tie Dye Gang” by fellow vacationers, they stopped and posed for the camera while in the Bahamas. Most of this gang hang out at Rolly’s Diner in New Auburn. (Tie dye) colors are OK here.
’Tis the Season See page 61 for an outstanding golf deal! You don’t want to miss this one!!
PLEASE HELP!!! Our horses need FOOD, SHELTER & MEDICAL CARE ASAP We are a 501C-3 Non-Profit Donate today and help these horses! Rockin T. Equine Rescue 60 Edgecomb Rd. Lisbon, ME
353-6581 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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FMI go to: www.rockintequinerescue.com
(continued from previous page)
To err is human; to cut in, go back in line!
away - tractors were GONE.
BACKGROUND CHECKS Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History
includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list
$45.00
Tenant Screening
$49.99
State and National Criminal History
includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)
A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00
Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00
Other verification and Private Investigator services are available. All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability. Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations. Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.
MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator
577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com To err is human; to love, sublime.
Many years later, Joe went into a restaurant for lunch. Inside, the smoke from the grill was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at a table on her own. Tears were streaming down her face. Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears. With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He went back into the restaurant where the air was now clear and sweet and sat down next to the girl. "That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?" "No problem", said Joe "I'm an extractor fan"
Wooden Parts Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg." The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a cedar chest." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
To err is human; to twist, serpentine.
HUGE SALE NOW GOING ON! What the pros use! Julia, Tess & Art Gregory
Stop in or call for more info & pricing!
REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICE Your Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer Where the Pros shop!
y 1334 Minot Ave. Auburn • 783-0558 a Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm
Double R CRANE SERVICES, INC.
Lou Sullivan with Kassi & Katie
SERVING MAINE, NEW HAMPSHIRE & MASSACHUSETTS
133 Cleve Tripp Road • Poland Spring, Maine
10% Discount APRIL & MAY Certain restrictions apply
998-4474 • 576-7841 • • • • • •
Trusses Packaging Trees & Crating for Shipping Steel Work MILLWRIGHTING SERVICE Docks MACHINE EQUIPMENT DISMANTLING HVAC Units We Guarantee Certified Operators & Riggers & More Secured Storage Area • Safety
Nicholas Potvin with Loreesa
www.doublercrane.com • marc@doublercrane.com
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis
Marc LaJoie
&T Jimbo
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Looking for Me?
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Sailors: Marina, California
Den Marquis If you've been looking for Den Marquis, Uncle Andy's Digest has found her. This stylist has over 4 years of experience and has been working out of Madison Ave Salon, located at 170 Main Street in Auburn since June 2011. As many of you may already know, Den is a Mr. Bernard's School of Hair Fashion graduate. She is from Sabattus and is a former preschool teacher, who excels at her job. Den offers all hair services like Women's Cuts, Styles, Updos, etc., but she excels particularly with Color jobs, and also has taken special training for Men's Cuts. She also offers facial waxing services. If you'd like to make an appointment with Den please call Madison Avenue Salon at 782-5920 or stop by the salon to book your services. Madison Avenue Salon is a full Service Hair Salon & Nail Studio offering all hair related services like Perms, Extensions, Colors, Cuts, Styles, Updos, Relaxing & More. They also do all types of nail services such as Acrylics, Nail Art, Shellac and Manicures/Pedicures. Find them on Facebook to receive updates about specials and more. See their ad on page 33. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Manage Your Life! Each of us performs a list of daily tasks that must get done to be able to meet our own needs and the needs of our loved ones, such as: making appointments with doctors, problem solving, seeking employment, getting children up for school, resolving insurance matters, etc. This list can be endless. At one point or another in our lives, we may find ourselves overwhelmed and stuck, challenged to move forward with managing this list. Now, imagine how difficult it could be if you added a mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression, while attending to these needs. The day to day tasks may become daunting, intimidating, and easily can make someone feel hopeless. However, there is hope. If you find yourself struggling to meet educational, financial, medical, employment, housing, or other basic needs, case management services can help. Case Managers have knowledge and experience in areas of identified needs and are able to link, advocate, coordinate services, place referrals, problem solve barriers to services and more, while assisting with managing the mental health symptoms at the same time. If you have MaineCare and believe a Case Manager may be able to assist you in reaching your goals, please contact Health Affiliates Maine for a referral.
Janet Verrill, BA, LSX, MHRT/C Case Manager, Health Affiliates Maine 1-877-888-4304
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
Do fish ever get thirsty?
For All Your Salon & Spa Needs
April Specials
Ashlee, Shannon, Hannah, Kelley, Mel & Darcy
Pedicure $30 Travers Fournier with Soleil
to get updates on special services & promotions
FREE manicure with any Facial
Tues. 10am-7pm Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm
336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611
We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gunsmith Service Check out our website for weekly specials! JTReidgunshop.com
J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager jtreidsgunshop.com
DRIVING RANGE
RESTAURANT
Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat
John Reid, Owner
MINI-GOLF Driving Range & Mini Golf
NOW OPEN (weather permitting)
Restaurant Open for the Season April 12th Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am
TABERS Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Open 7 days a week! Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn
What does OK actually mean?
www.tabersgolf.com
What should one call a male ladybird?
Out ’n About in Jamaica! with Rich & Stephanie Asselin on their honeymoon
I think I know that guy!
We had an absolute blast in Jamaica. I plan on having Uncle Andy pay for half my trip for all of this free publicity!
Stephanie & Rich Asselin You can find Rich at Emerson Toyota
"Rest when you're weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work." – Ralph Marston Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Kimball Street Studios Ribbon Cutting
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin on anyone’s computer.
PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!
CALL FOR PRICING
G.A. DOWNING Service Rental Sales
782.4508 or 800.924.4500 Ribbon cutting: Fred Hatch, Kevin Callahan, & Mary Callahan with Norm Anctil
Smile!
111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com
SIMPLICITY ✧ FLEXIBILITY
It’s almost barefoot season!!
✧
EASE
Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Check us out for all your payroll needs!
PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.
100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Out ’n About at the Kimball Street Studios Ribbon Cutting
TESTIMONIAL When I first sat down with Uncle Andy’s Digest, I had reevaluated my budget before our meeting and asked if we could wait because I really couldn’t 'afford' the cost or the commitment just yet. To say the least I was a little skeptical... I have to tell you from the deepest of my heart, advertising with Uncle Andy’s Digest has been an amazing experience! With our February ad alone we gained 7 new clients and had over 30 calls/inquires!! It was awesome! In the March edition we went with a full color ad spending a little over $200 for a whole month’s worth of advertising. And you gave us several pages of publicity with out ‘n about photos. I have to say that the 'investment' that I make each month, especially when times are tough for all of us... Uncle Andy’s Digest has given me true hope that advertising and social media marketing can WORK even for the SMALL businesses in an even smaller community!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your confidence in your product and for your commitment to helping 'ease' the pain of the Small Business Owner! ♥
Fred Hatch Owner
Norm Anctil
Mary Callahan Owner Why is everyone looking to their right?*
Kelli Gilzow SPRQ Studio, Owner/Instructor Advertising since December 2011. See her ad on page 35
Kevin Callahan Owner *See facing page to find out
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Fontaine Family Agents complete Short Sale & Foreclosure Course
FREE USE OF OUR SELF SERVE COMMERCIAL TRUCK WASH STATION
The following agents have recently completed a highly specialized course in Short Sales and Foreclosures conducted by the Council of Residential Specialists of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS®
for all new customers during the month of April
Angie Larochelle
Bill Bergeron
Chad Sylvester
We service all brands of heavy equipment, Light & Heavy Duty Trucks! Suspension & Springs • Oil Changes Roadside Assistance • Tune Ups & More
Crystal Bergeron
Clayton Larochelle
This course is one in a series of professional education sequences required to qualify for the coveted Certified Residential Specialist designation. The Short Sale and Foreclosure process course was presented from the standpoint of the real estate professional working with Buyers and Sellers. The one-day course addressed the challenges of working with Short Sales, introduced essential tools to assist Sellers through the Short Sale process and provided counseling strategies for working with Buyers and Sellers of distressed properties – all intended to ensure the professionalism of residential sales associated in handling these types of sales. The Council of Residential Specialists Courses are presented throughout the U.S. in affiliation with the NATION ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS®, as part of its on-going program of promoting the professionalism of the residential sales associate. Fontaine Family – The Real Estate Leader is located at 336 Center Street in Auburn and can be reached at 784-3800 or by e-mail at brenda@fontaineteam.com
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 333-3707 www.MaineHeavy.com Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
TSGT Daniel Barry Smith Vacationing in Afghanistan with his choice reading material. Submitted by his brother, Bob from Maine Oxy
due yule hike mice hurt?
Figure out this clever play on words and email us your answer to be entered to win a FREE T-SHIRT of your choice from
Say it out loud!
www.fauxnettricks.com
See their ad on page 87.
info@fauxnettricks.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
& Jimbo
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WELCOME!
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Carissa Noyes with her new son, Jace Submitted by: Ninny Cindy Noyes Cindy works at Dad's Place in McFalls
I may be new to the world, but my Ninny has been reading me jokes from Uncle Andy’s for 9 months. I’m hooked!
May 12th, 2012
The economy is getting better but: Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.
ood Products Fine W & Stove Sales
224-7239 2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282
Over 30
Jace Allen Sibley
years experience
(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)
Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves
• Pine Furniture • Machined Wood Parts • Boxes & Crates • Store Displays
Grandson of Cindy Noyes of Dad's Place.
Stove Service & Installation Wholesale Pricing to Retailers buying in volume Custom Production Wood Work
Take a short drive down Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$
www.finewoodproducts.net robm@finewoodproducts.net
within a 30-mile radius expires 4.30.12
The economy is getting better but: I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
✃
✃
FREE STANDARD DURING APRIL ON ALL IN-STOCK PELLET STOVES INSTALLATION $500 VALUE!
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." – John Lennon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About on vacation with Denis & Tammy Lebel
I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet... he said "postage dew".
of Sherm Arnold’s in Lewiston
Fun in the sun here we come!
Denis Lebel in Cocoa Beach Cozumel, Mexico might just be a great place to open our next store.
Tammy Lebel in Cozumel, Mexico
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need." – Tao Te Ching Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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A night watchman is a man who earns his living without doing a day's work.
Cat vs Comma: A cat has it's claws at the end of it's paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Christine
Lynn
Emily
PEDICURES MANICURES WAXING
Cindy
Get ready for summer at Panache Your studio for hair, nails, massage & more! Elizabeth
Micaela
Michelle
Kathy
20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday
studio for hair, nails & massage
www.panacheauburn.com
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Star Wars Submitted by Travis Dow
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
2 for 1
Monday Night Scrambles Every Monday starting April 16th
Must present this coupon to receive
ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 4.30.12
5:00PM Shotgun Start Singles or full teams are accepted
Junior Golf Schools Get your junior golfer ready for a lifetime experience! Call Gray Rec. Dept. at 657-2323 for info/sign-up
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com
Stress management: What many employees like to do on purpose.
One day, Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi were at a very fancy dinner party they had hosted. They were seated in full view of the rest of the people in attendance, and Luke, his table manners somewhat lacking, was devouring his bantha meat with his bare hands. Obi-Wan, sensing that this display of savageness was rather disturbing to their guests, leaned over to Luke, and whispered: "Use the fork, Luke!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About on vacation with Denis & Tammy Lebel of Sherm Arnold’s in Lewiston Don’t miss my webinar on carpet strands. Hey, don’t laugh, this trip is now a business expense!
According to the folks at Disney there were 6,469,952 spots painted on the dogs in the original 101 Dalmatians.
Xtreme Hip-Hop for Kids! • 8 week session starting April 24th & April 25th • 30-minute classes every Tuesday, ages 8-12 years • 30-minute classes every Wednesday, ages 4-7 years • 15 spots available per class • Pre-register and reserve your child’s spot today! • Instructed by Danielle Borden
XTREME ATHLETICS
18 Highland Spring Rd. • Lewiston
www.xtremeathleticsmaine.com 786-9100 Xtreme Fit • Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu•Karate • Zumba®
Denis Lebel in Palm Beach
That webinar was fascinating, Denis.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Prince Harry of Wales in Jamaica discussing flooring options for the palace with Denis
Q: Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today? A: Because he is dead. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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According to one source, Americans buy about 5 million things that are shaped like Mickey Mouse, or have a picture of Mickey Mouse on them, in the course of one day.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
Out ’n About on vacation with Denis & Tammy Lebel of Sherm Arnold’s in Lewiston
Open up that Digest to page 2 and let’s see that ad you keep talking about.
Traffic Court The judge had not yet put in an appearance in the San Diego traffic court. When the bailiff entered the courtroom, he sensed the nervousness of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," he said. "Welcome to 'What's My Fine?'" The economy is getting better but: I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
The economy is getting better but: CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
“Feels Like Home!”
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall Michael LePage with Ava
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394
ONLY $10
IAL C E P S
Games Pay 50 + 100 Sunday @ 6:00 pm Monday @ 6:30 pm $2 added to W.T.A.! Tuesday @ 6:30 pm
George Long with Simone
AL I C E SP
Wednesday @ 6:30 pm $2 added to W.T.A.! Thursday @ 6:30 pm
IAL C E P S
Friday @ 6:30 pm Half of $ goes to W.T.A.!
ALSO PLAYING HERE: LHS Music Saturdays @ 6:00
Tim Heutz with Miranda & Abigail
When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
Our 2012 Donations have already exceeded $5,000!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
The economy is getting better but: Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
& Jimbo
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Skye
Chewy Since April 26, 2010
Carson Skye was surrendered and needs a loving home! He is a 4-year-old Australian Cattle dog. Very energetic, loving, playful, working breed. Please call if interested!
Since March 25, 2011
Carson playing with his buddy Casper
Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique
Chewy & Princess Laya
65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210
(207) 333-3640
The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!
Yard Sale
Est. 2008
Looking for items for yard sale April 28th & 29th to benefit “Healing Hounds” Donations accepted! Item drop-off deadline is Wed. Apr. 25th
FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT thedoggzinn@gmail.com • www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn
http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers
Since May 11 2011
Since Sept. 13 2008
Scout So glad your dad is feeling better!
Since Feb. 9 2012
Baxter & Manny
Sam R.
Fourth Grade Logic
To err is human; two curs, canine.
Submitted by Jimbo
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.
Off to see the Queen
It says here that Buckingham Palace is the official home of the Queen of England.
It also says the Palace has 775 rooms!
Holy smokes! Can you imagine having to clean all those rooms?
Adriane Kramer of Sabattus, Jonna Klaiber of Auburn, Jolene Hall of Lewiston, and Rita Ouellette of Lewiston (took the photo) recently went to London, England for the 2012 Zumba Instructor Conference. They even remembered to pack their Uncle Andy’s Digest for the trip! Here’s Adriane, Jonna & Jolene reading the Digest in front of Buckingham Palace in London. Rita told Jimbo, “We referred to ourselves as the Skittles, and people were following us trying to get our picture...now we realize it's because we looked like Olympians, LOL.” The Queen was unavailable for comment when we tried to reach her to discuss these Zumba Olympians.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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To err is human; to quit, resign.
COME ONE COME ALL L/A’s Own Home Show!! Admission: Adults $5 Kids 17 & under FREE w/paying adult
Saturday Apr. 28th 10am-7pm Sunday Apr. 29th 10am-4pm Androscoggin Bank Colisée • 190 Birch Street in Lewiston
LOOKING FOR DESIGN IDEAS FOR YOUR HOME? Show-only Discounts, Specials & Giveaways from Exhibitors
Looking to connect with local contractors or find home related products & service providers?
Connect with local companies and get advice on your projects Lawn & Landscape • Window & Door • Lighting & Interior Decorating Contractors • Kitchen & Bath • Flooring • Service Providers Weatherization • Pool & Spa • and more!
FMI visit our website or like us on Facebook to receive updates about the show.
www.mainehomeshow.com
Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Recently Acquired, Mint & Unfired M1 Garrand, M1 Carbines, 1917 Enfields, 03 83’s Mitchell’s Mauser, etc. Come check out our great selection! 481 Maine St. • Poland Spring 998-2806 • 576-9535 576-1553
Mr. Zimmerman with Rebecca & Jessica
Sweet Pea Designs Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe
FREE Delivery in L/A Call us at Marc Leblanc with Shayna
777-1520 or 577-2130
Administrative Professionals Day Wed. April 25th
www.sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com
✔ Soft Ball Teams ✔ Little League Teams ✔ Shirts ✔ Hats ✔ Pants From basic uniforms to full uniforms Daryle Weiss with Abigail Most soccer players run an average of 7 miles in a game. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Call today!! Screenprinting and Embroidery
730 Main St, Lewiston (next to Salvation Army) • 753-1177 • www.varsitylettering.com Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
The Sweater
The economy is getting better but: My ATM gave me an IOU!
Earn
10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!
A grandmother sent her grandson a sweater for his birthday.
We’re so happy Spring is here we’re giving away 10% more money for your returnables!
Unfortunately, he had a size 14 neck and she sent a size 12 sweater. His mother insisted that he send a thank you note.
Expires 4.30.12
Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm
So he wrote, "Dear Grandma, Thanks a lot for the beautiful sweater. I'd write more, but I'm all choked up." He said he bought his suit for a ridiculous price. The truth is, he bought it for an absurd figure.
Richard Conway, owner
The economy is getting better but: Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.
Wishing everyone a
Ann Dumais
Kelly Giambra
Sue Poulin
Kim Galgovitch
Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond
Lysa Ronan
Valerie Kelshaw
We are a full service salon
Jacinta Labbe
Happy Easter!
FREE WiFi 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
786-4311
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
The economy is getting better but: Motel Six won't leave the light on for you anymore.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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COOPER PAVING • Asphalt Paving • Coal Tar Sealcoating • Gilsonite Sealcoating • Hot Rubberized Crack Filling And More! 103 Cross Road, Minot • 345-3529
annual 212 Center St. Auburn
784-4444
Poland Regional High School Knights Baseball fundraiser
GOLF TOURNAMENT SATURDAY, MAY 19, 2012 12:00 noon check-in • 1:00 p.m. start time
Fairlawn Golf & Country Club in Poland Heating Oil • Kerosene • Propane Equipment Sales & Service
177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481 www.deadriver.com
Teams of four $50 per player $200 team Includes greens fees, cart and dinner!
of Auburn & Oxford
Get your team together and join us for a fun day of golf! Primeor Spons
Prizes include a 2012 Toyota Yaris from Emerson Toyota, Golf Clubs, a Trip to Hilton Head, and more!
Registration and payment must be received by May 17th!
Minot Country Store 174 Minot Ave., Minot
782-0650 G.A. DOWNING 111 Woodman Hill Road Minot • 782-4508 Service Rental Sales
gadowning.com
There’s no place like...
Dad’s Place The Best Pizza & Coldest Beverages in Town! 23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls 345-5551
Jason Simard Building & Remodeling
345-9610 Baseball or Golf ball... Just hit it!
To register, please contact Colleen Quint at 754-1356 or cquint25@gmail.com
UNCLEANDYS.COM
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Peter Servidio with Olivia
indham •
Located
orth W . 115 in N
0
892-822
on Rt
Joe Perriman with Bella
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
The St. Dom’s FatherDaughter Dance Committee
ve o l e W you!
Now Accepting New Patients Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. COMPREHENSIVE FAMILY DENTAL CARE IN A RELAXING, COMFORTABLE ATMOSPHERE
1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 376-4977 www.kevinconnellydmd.com Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Jewelers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Twin Love Submitted by Jimbo
A fellow and his wife in Houston, Texas, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of allegiance". His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane". Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth. As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart. Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with. He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn't sure which one he (continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The economy is getting better but: When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
HALLIMPLEMENTCO.COM
HALL IMPLEMENT CO. Jct. 202 & 302 at the rotary - Windham
892-6894
Administrative Professionals Week
Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 Sat. 7:30-12:00
Wednesday April 25th
Gift Cards & Spa packages available 71 East Avenue Lewiston, Maine
(207) 783-3321
www.cassiels.com Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!
RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com
QuickBooks Consulting QuickBooks Hosting Bookkeeping MaineCare Billing Accounts Receivable Management Financial Reporting
Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support
The economy is getting better but: A picture is now only worth 200 words.
(continued from previous page)
The economy is getting better but: They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street."
WOOD PELLET $ave on heating costs
WOUT O L B Environmentally Friendly
$
220/TON
100% Maine Wood Pellets While supplies last! ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE
ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS
1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126
www.esmpellets.com The economy is getting better but: A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
Be Relaxed
Providing Therapy for
• Anxiety • Panic Disorders • PTSD • OCD and more
would marry. He went to the girls father and explained his quandry. "I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you. Give me Liberty or give me Beth."
MEN! Walking into a lingerie store, a customer says to the clerk, "I'd like to buy a pair of stockings for my wife." The clerk asks, "Sheer?" The man replies "No. She's in another store."
Mystery Photo
Sharing A Journey To Wellness Outpatient Therapy & Case Management
)Health Affiliates Maine 1.877.888.4304
♦ Accepting all insurances
Locations Statewide
If you can guess who this local business owner is, you'll have a special opportunity given to you from him.
www.healthaffiliatesmaine.com
Check page 86 to see if you were right.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is.
For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs • Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance
Joe Greco with Avery
BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs
LEWISTON
BRUNSWICK
541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029
92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. Ed Poulin with Sydney & Addie
BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION
783-7299 or 576-4330
24´ X 40´ RANCH ROOF
$
➪ Remove and haul away all roofing debris ➪ Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield ➪ Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area ➪ Install a 30-year Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof ➪ Installation of ridge vent to entire ridge
3995
COMPLETE JOB
ALL LABOR AND MATERIALS INCLUDED!
WE DON’T USE SUBCONTRACTORS
Email: roofnfools@yahoo.com web site: www.LessardRoofing.com
Mayriah & Charlotte Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Pre-book your next appointment and get entered to win your choice of a
Get ready for summer!
Out ’n About at the Chick-A-Dee of Lewiston A wine dinner sponsored by Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar
Hair, Nails & Waxing
FREE Cut or Product Gift Basket! Call for an appointment Walk-ins welcome
Linda & Jerry Douglass
600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make terrible?
Out ’n About at the Chick-A-Dee of Lewiston A wine dinner sponsored by Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar
Thank you to everyone who came out to our first Wine Dinner at Chick-a-dee Lewiston, to our staff for all their hard work and especially to our chef, Don Hebert for all his work!
Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil
(Chickadee Lewiston Owner),
HAVE YOU HIRD?
Jamie & Matt Hird
Chick-A-Dee Lewiston is the place to go
L to R: Kristin, Bill Hird
Nicole Oberlander & Kathie Bolduc
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night
What is business coaching? Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge. Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.
Murphy’s Law of Computing: When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you think of sunburn do you think of your eyes?
Out ’n About at the St. Dom’s Father/Daughter Dance
Prescription Sunglasses Starting at
$
79
Complete Frame & Lens
Now accepting most major insurances
With this ad • Expires 4.30.12 See associate for details, restrictions may apply
120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Vision at a Value Search VIPEyes Auburn
Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM
783-4226
Murphy’s Law of Computing: When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete. Dan Malm with Virginia
Greg Nicholas with Kate Q: Which one is faster, hot or cold? A. Hot -- because everyone knows how easy it is to catch a cold. Murphy’s Law of Computing: The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Chick-A-Dee of Lewiston A wine dinner sponsored by Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar
Murphy’s Law of Computing: When the going gets tough, upgrade.
BOATS!!! Full Service & Repairs
• Engine work/replacement • Drive/lower unit repair • Installing all accessories
• Genuine Mercruiser parts • Quicksilver Parts, oils & more • Props • New or used parts available • Complete Mercruiser engines for sale
SERVICING ALL MAKES & MODELS
FULLY STOCKED SHOWROOM • Safety gear • Watersport toys • Marine radio • Tons of trailer parts & accessories
We were proud to be a sponsor of this very first Chick-adee Lewiston Wine Dinner! It was a huge success. Congrats to Bill and his entire staff!
• Fish finders • Batteries • Authorized Venture trailer dealer And much more!
65 North River Rd., Auburn Open 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4
784-3888 www.auburnmarineandsmallengine.com
SMALL ENGINE & OUTDOOR POWER EQUIPMENT TANAKA Outdoor Power Equipment • Weedwackers • Leaf blowers • Chainsaws & more
7 YEAR WARRANTY ON NEW TANAKAS
Nick Benoit (owner of Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar)
& Greg Hird Sr. It was reported in today's news that some frosty orange drinks were stolen. The police suspect it is the work of a Julius seizer. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
We service all major brands John Deere® Master Technician
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
DO YOU HAVE A LOVED ONE BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL?
FLOWER POWER
Assisted Home Care can meet with you and the social worker to coordinate the recovery at home! After your loved one has had a stay at the hospital they want to come home to recover. It is a proven fact that patients recover faster in a familiar home environment and being with their families. You and your loved one will have peace of mind knowing you have a trained professional giving one on one care. So let Assisted Home Care assist with the transition from the hospital to home. We can provide 4 hours of 24 hour home care, one day or 7 days a week.
Once you call Assisted Home Care, we can provide services in as little as 4 hours.
Home C d e t s are si s A 550 College St., Lewiston
783-7375
We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.
Laurie Ouellette of Sweet Pea Designs &
Kathy Lare of Ann's Flower Shop pose for the camera recently at The Royal Oak Room Bridal Show, at Ironhorse Court in Lewiston
Tackle Box Submitted by Jimbo
On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from her mom and her sisters. Out came a beauty case containing many samples of makeup. "Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!"
SELF PRIMING.
For over 115 years, Muralo Paints has engineered innovative products to satisfy the most discriminating customers. Muralo’s Breathe Safe™ line is no different.
My wife calmly explained that it was NOT a tackle box; it was a beauty kit. My daughter proceeded to open it up and show us all the mascara, eye shadow, rouge, and other cosmetics. At this point I leaned over to my wife and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Madison Ave Salon’s new Cosmetologist
The economy is getting better but: Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
FROM STONE DUST TO ROC
St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa
Marlo Hewitt Cosmetologist
Marlo joined the Madison Avenue team in early September. She is new to the industry, but as a third generation stylist she feels like she has been doing it all her life. A Maine native, Marlo resides in Mechanic Falls. After obtaining a BSBA at the University of Southern Maine she studied at Spa Tech Institute where she graduated at the top of her class. Always having a passion for art she is now able to transform it onto a living canvas. Nothing is more rewarding to Marlo than making people look and feel their best. She absolutely loves every aspect of her job and takes great pride in her work. Marlo is welcoming new clients, friends and family to come in. Appointments are best but walk-ins are certainly welcome. Call 782-5920 or come in today so Marlo can take care of all of your Hair and Nail needs. See their ad on page 33. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Locally owned and operated since 1970! NOW ACCEPTING EMPLOYMENT APPLICATIONS
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
784-7944
www.stlaurentandson.com The economy is getting better but: McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Three Chairs Submitted by Jimbo
CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!
avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.
A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up. Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back." The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?" "Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face. Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated. The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
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Just Relax! Most would agree this is easier said than done! Our fast paced world pulls us in all directions at times. While some stressors are positive and others are negative, all are stressful. Living in a state of chronic stress can take a toll on our minds and bodies. Difficulty concentrating, nausea, sadness, nervousness, frequent headaches, muscle tension and sleep disturbances are just a few ways stress impacts our well-being. Chronic stress can lead to major health problems such as heart disease, obesity, and chronic pain. It’s important to find ways to manage stress to ensure overall good health and wellness. Practicing stress management activities can greatly reduce the amount of stress in your life. Relaxation exercises do not need to take a lot of time nor do they have to include closing your eyes and saying ‘Om’! Carve out five minutes from your routine to center yourself, perhaps during your drive to and from work. Take a few deep breaths and take notice of what muscles may be tense. Focus on relaxing these areas. Now think positive thoughts like a happy memory or a short list of things you are grateful for. Take notice of how this makes your body and mind feel. Most would agree that this sense of peace and wellbeing is worth the time.
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Rainbow FCU Main Office 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 784-5453
Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-883-0351
Mechanic Falls Branch South Paris Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 346-3001 743-5410
Member Eligibility is required • We are federally insured by the NCUA
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Pianists: Florida Keys
5% OFF +50% OFF All Cabinet Orders
Premium Finish* Upcharges No minimum cabinet quantity needed. See Kitchen Solutions for details.
* Premium Finish includes: Glazes, Paints, Specialty Finishes, Techniques, Custom Colors and Color Complements.
Becca Reed Smith LMSW-cc Therapist, Health Affiliates Maine 1-877-888-4304 See Health Affiliates ad on page 73.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore
1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston
897-3400
784-3100
KitchenSolutionsMaine.com Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Quick Stop Submitted by Jimbo
DON’T BE A FACEBOOK CRASH DUMMY for a e m i t t i ’t Isn
a i d e M l a i c So Strategy ? siness u B r u o Y r fo
We Offer: • Facebook Page Design • Timeline Cover Photos • Facebook Apps & Contests • Twitter & YouTube Design • Social Media Consulting
Scan this QR Code to see our hilarious video: Facebook Crash Dummies! Or visit our website at CoreZero.com
Call us today! 207-212-2432
WEB DESIGN MADE EASY! Instead of having to always work on your website, what if your website worked for you while you were doing other things? What if it made your business more profitable, more believable, more popular? That's where we come in. We work with businesses of all sizes, streamlining and integrating their websites and social media presence. Let us do the work, so you can do the other things you'd rather be doing. The Team: Zaqary, Tina & Eric
a Call us for FREE n! Consultatio
207-212-2432 CoreZero.com Murphy’s Law of Computing: A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep", she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Webster School Apartments Grand Opening
Murphy’s Law of Computing: For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
This projects highlights how government agencies can work together to provide creative financing to make it possible for projects like this to happen.
Bill Bernier U.S Dept. of Urban Housing & Development It's great to see historic buildings like Webster School be preserved & repurposed for future use.
Congressman Mike Michaud addresses the crowd
We love having our new space of this historic building.
Woody Trask Androscoggin County Head Start
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The economy is getting better but: If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Out ’n About at the Webster School Apartments Grand Opening
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
On behalf of the board we'd like to congratulate all of the staff at Auburn Housing for their hard work and effort on making this project come to fruition.
New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote! “The Difference is in the Details”
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available Art Wing Auburn Housing Board of Directors
Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan.
Out ’n About at the Webster School Apartments Grand Opening
Is it time for a new driveway?
WE CAN HELP!
Our Webster School Apartments at 95 Hampshire Street in Auburn are going fast, call us today at 784-7351 for more info and find out why we say it’s AFFORDABLE HOUSING AT ITS BEST.
Laura, Arlene, Leah, Rachel, Elaine & Dodi Auburn Housing Staff Members
Commercial • Residential • Industrial We also offer:
Asphalt Repair • Asphalt Removal Driveway Sealing • Concrete Parking Lot Paving • And More! Call us today for your FREE quote! Ribbon Cutting with Auburn City Councilor Mary Lafontaine; Woody Trask, Androscoggin Head Start; Bill Shanahan, Northern New England Housing Investment Fund; Art Wing, Auburn Housing Board of Directors; Bill Bernier, U.S. Dept. HUD; U.S Congressman Mike Michaud; Dale McCormick and Rick Whiting, Auburn Housing.
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Superior Paving Company
782-4010 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the Chick-A-Dee of Lewiston
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
A wine dinner sponsored by Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar
Beautiful Easter Lillies Don’t forget the most important person in your office! Administrative Week begins April 25th
Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457
www.annsflower.com It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
Mystery Photo Revealed If you correctly identified this month's mystery photo from page 73 as Gary Drinkwater, (owner of Creative Sewing Center) then Gary said stop by the store and he'd let you in with no cover charge at the door.
Chick-a-dee Lewiston and Benoit’s Bakery & Winery... two of my faves!
Did you know? Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros.
Gary Drinkwater Creative Sewing Center
Spring Special 20% OFF any chemical service for new clients (owner) Linda Thompson c ldu & Erica Bo ed experience 20 years combin
to see our specials
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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He also said you were welcome to buy as many sewing, embroidery machines and all the fabric you'd like, provided you pay with cash, check or credit card. Creative Sewing Center is located at 336 Center Street in The Harvard Mall, Auburn (near Verizon and Burger King).
Make your heart healthy... Contact me!! mindyfortin.bodybyvi.com and learn how you can lose weight, build lean muscle, gain energy... and how you can do it for FREE!
784-3522 1117 Center Street • Auburn (in MetLife Plaza)
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Out ’n About
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $
3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2
20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks
Large Selection of Fenton
Overunder Pools
Glassware!
INVENTORY REDUCTION
SALE! 20% - 75% OFF
Pre-Read Books arriving daily
Adam Dyer
Featuring
Alan Golestane Glamour Us in the Auburn Mall & Mountain climbing extraordinaire After a 20 year pending sale, Uncle Andy finally caved and signed on the dotted line. I’m celebrating with this 20 year old bottle of champagne.
131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week
8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards
s Alway g n i Buy
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!
Sue Cote Emerson Chevrolet
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Lewiston with nored by the city of ho ing be re he n s Leblanc Show & LHS principal, Gu Mayor MacDonald
Immediate ly followin g their win , showing
off the bli ng
Congratulations to the 2012 Lewiston H.S. Cheerleaders Never done by a Maine team... until now! After finishing second last year, they were determined to become the first team in Maine to capture the coveted New England Championship cheerleading crown. On March 17th, 2012 they made history. Traveling to Lawrence, MA to compete against 16 other teams that represented all six new england states. The Blue Devils scored 199.1 points, beating their closest competitor by 12 points. This was Lewiston’s fourth consecutive appearance at the New England Championship. Coach Lynnette Morency stated, “The girls were very driven this year. They certainly worked hard and deserved the title.” This years team consisted of Seniors: Rashonda Bailey, Shae Godbout, Tiana Lacombe, Rachel Mills, Gabriella Rojas & Krista Thomas. Juniors: Kara Barnies, Kirsty Beauchesne, Taylor Pratt, Torey Reney; Sophomores: Elizabeth Fundis, Abby Madden, Erin Morris, Cassie Regner & Tiera Saffe; Freshmen: Andrea Bonin, Tia Courtes, Nadine Jones, Molly Kivus, Alyssa Rousseau, Kyla Sturtevant & Erika Thibault. Coach: Lynnette Morency, Asst. coach: Jennifer Roy
To err is human; to do nothing, benign.
Book your Bridal Party with us and Receive a $50 Gift Card for your special day! We add tranquility to your special day by providing you with exceptional services, a spacious and elegant bridal suite, two dressing rooms for your comfort, and light refreshments.
• Hair Up-Do’s & Design • Make-up Application • Skin Care Treatments • Electrology • Manicures & Pedicures • Body Scrubs • Relaxing Massages • Body Waxing Contact our Event Coordinator to schedule a consultation and tour of our spa.
www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON, MAINE
(207) 783-3321 To err is human; to solve, design.
Standing Tall Submitted by Jimbo
Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth. "It looks real enough to talk," says one. "Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue asks it its name. No answer. "How old are you?" No answer. Finally, one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?" Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rise onto its feet and puts it’s hand on it’s chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight." Of course, says the scientist, "It only stands to reason." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Great Office Space Available for Rent
900 SQUARE FEET OF PRIME OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT (An additional 400 square foot 3rd floor also available if necessary - add’l rent required).
This second floor office space is perfect for an insurance company or similar type business. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout. It is bright, clean and cheery. Included in rent: heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking. Signage space available.
Located at 9 Grove Street in Auburn. Right off Center Street.
This prime office space will be available May 1st. Call Jim at 576-4844 FMI or to set up a viewing.
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899
784-5899
Let’s put our heads together and see if that gets us in Uncle Andy’s...
RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL
Call for FREE Estimates
Submitted by DOGGz INN
PAVING AND SEAL COATING Out ’n About at the Webster School Apartments Grand Opening L to R: Bruce Merrill, Auburn Housing; Mary Lafontaine, Auburn City Councilor; Bill Bernier, U.S. Dept. HUD; Rick Whiting, Auburn Housing; Congressman Mike Michaud, & Dale McCormick
It’s Driveway Season Get it Done and get it DONE RIGHT • Draining • General Excavation DI • Septic Systems • Affordable & Dependable GI T! CHENARD EXCAVATION Call Gerry 576-3914 Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Stallions Submitted by Jimbo
Two show stallions are arguing over who should take best of breed. The first says, "I'll grant you are the closest I have ever seen to my equal, but my legs are just a bit straighter than yours, and, you know, the legs are of prime importance. No foot, no horse!" The second horse says, "I'll allow your legs are just a bit better than mine, but mine are the legs I was born with. I know for a fact you had thousands of dollars of corrective work. Your foals will inherit your natural legs, not your genius farrier!" The first horse mulls this for a moment, then says, "You're right. I stand corrected." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Local Daisy Troop Celebrates 100 Years of Girl Scouting
To err is human; to straighten, align.
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS Monday - Turkey Dinner (till 4/9) . . . . .$9.55 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls
2 Crabmeat Rolls (starting 4/16) . . .$8.95 Pictured: Michaela Bisbee, Khloe O’Leary, Aliza Moore, Emma Pulkkinen, Cassidy Lessard, Lilliana Bennett & Sydney Lacombe. On March 12th Daisy Troop 1264 from Mechanic Falls celebrated the 100th Anniversary of Girl Scouting. The girls have been working on hard on their Daisy Flower Garden badge, as well as earning their Girl Scout Law Petals. To celebrate 100 years the ladies sang many different Girl Scout Camp songs with the help of Brownie Girl Scout Alexis Lessard, ate cake and ice cream, and formed the number 100 with their bodies. With the help of their leaders, Stacey Daignault and Tiffany Lessard the seven little ladies from Troop 1264 will be busy Daisies with many future plans including a trip to the Bug Museum in Lisbon, a Fairy Tea Party, a Sock Hop and Camporee to attend, Spring Clean Up on the local baseball fields, a trip to a local farm, and plans to participate in two local up coming parades.
Q: What food was developed because of a camel ride? A: An Arabian trader found that milk he was carrying in a goatskin bag had turned into the solid white curds called cottage cheese. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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w/salad & chips
Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams - sm. $11.50 . . . .lg. $14.75 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw
Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*
Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95 w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls
Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95 w/potato & rolls
Thursday -
NE Boiled Dinner (till 4/12)
. . . . .$9.55
Small $13.50 • Large $16.25
w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls
Friday, Saturday & Sunday
2 Lobster Rolls w/ salad & chips
Fried Haddock* $11.45
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95
You can get food anywhere, but you can’t get the great people like they have at Cole Farms.
Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.95 • Large $13.65
Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95
Grilled Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
Phil & Muriel Sanborn of Falmouth
Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm
64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE
YOUR CHOICE... $4,295 Pool includes: Full print liner • Sta-rite filter system A-frame ladder • Maintenance kit Bar rel
e Spas,D 24 J ual Seating & Will Relax up to 5 People
386 Minot Ave. Auburn • 782-7532 • osbornesoasis.com To err is human; to horrify, Frankenstein.
ts
To err is human; to woo, Valentine.
Out ’n About in London
See page 66 to hear what we were up to in London!
BEST BUDS Adriane Kramer, Jonna Klaiber, Jolene Hall & Rita Ouellette He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a scholar. Teach him. He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Avoid him. He who knows and knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him. Submitted by Richard Collins
To err is human; to befriend, pal o' mine.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Winner, winner Chicken Dinner
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes
• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems
CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)
Helen Heikkinen of Auburn was the winner of our recent Facebook caption contest. She came to the Uncle Andy’s office to collect her $50 gift card to DaVinci’s Restaurant. See page 47 to find out what the contest was all about. And how you could possibly be the next big winner!
GETTING IT GONE NOW... ...is just a phone call away!
• Buildings Demolished & Removed • Construction & Demolition Debris • Boilers & Scrap Metal • Furniture & Appliances • Trash & Garbage • Brush & Trees
Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs
Fully Insured • Call for FREE Quote!
FARRELL ENTERPRISES
Tap Master Submitted by Richard Collins
A woman had a leaky faucet, so she called a plumber. He came, looked at the faucet, got out a hammer, tapped the faucet, and the leak stopped. He then gave the woman a bill for $50. She was outraged. She said,"You didn’t do anything but tap the faucet. I want an itemized bill. So he gave her one. Labor-tapping the faucet-$1. Knowing where to tap-$49. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Doris & Mike
782-5300 or 576-2501
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413
Murphy’s Law of Computing: He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
Murphy’s Law of Computing: The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
The Celebrity Judges I’m a redneck and proud of it!
Harold “Paula” Brooks Redneck Olympics
Bonnie Edwards Singer
Denny Breau Musician Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Murphy’s Law of Computing: A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
You might be a redneck if… you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. – Jeff Foxworthy
Out ’n About at Fusion for FUSION IDOL
We love Fusion’s Wednesday Karaoke Night! Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
LARGEST ASSAULT WEAPON SELECTION Century Arms WASR-10
FNH PS90
Stag Arms
Model 1
EXPLODING TARGETS AMMO • HUNTING • SHOTGUNS HANDGUNS & MORE
Century Arms Polish Under Folder Tennessee Guns Inc
AMD 65
We Buy - Sell - Trade Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Need it gone? WE DO THAT! Construction Site Waste • Apartment Building Clean outs • Rental Property Clean outs Old Junk • Old furniture • Old appliances • And More!
We have the technology and the manpower to take care of your clean out project affordably and efficiently. Call H.I. Rick for a FREE quote for your clean out!
H.I. Rick
For All General Home Repairs & Improvements
HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES Carpentry • Plumbing • Flooring • Painting Plowing & much more! Call us today for a FREE quote!
ut about o d n fi to y a d to ll Ca l! our Spring Specia
784-8922
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation
This Month’s Specials
Invest your income tax return into your home to lower future heating cost!
Large Salad Subs........................................$4.99 Your choice of Chicken, Ham or Tuna
6 pc. Roadies Chicken Tender Snack.........$6.89
HomeEnergyTechs.com
Poirier’s Market NEW REDEMPTION CENTER
10% EXTRA on all bottles and cans with this coupon
S A N I PLUS FOR YOUR CELLAR
No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base
40 Walnut St. Lewiston Expires 4/30/12
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268
Call us! No Separating Required!
1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 ADD A NEW BATHROOM
Contact Rudy 576-0847
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations. It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.
FOUR SEASON SERVICE
Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond
DOLMAR
shindaiwa
655-4635
www.downeastsharpening.com
CUSTOMER SERVICE... It is what we do... every day! Call us today to experience the difference! Phone: (207) 225-3000 • Toll-Free: (800) 491-7888
www.murrayoil.com • murray@murrayoil.com
Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Hello from Lakeland, Florida!
To err is human; to soothe, calamine.
BUILDING A NEW HOME THIS SPRING? New home packages like this
Complete move in condition! No hidden costs! Onsite construction NOT A MODULAR! Owner finishes 2nd floor & builds equity
28’ x 34’ CAPE on your lot
$148,750
Jeannine Boulanger is a card carrying member of the UAD subscription club!
Price subject to change without notice Some restrictions apply - call for details
Energy Efficient New Homes • Remodeling • Additions • Energy Efficient Upgrades
R.L. BUILDERS Inc. Quality Residential Construction since 1994
Dear Uncle Andy’s staff, Thank you for sending me Uncle Andy’s Digest every month, I enjoy it so much. I have been enjoying the nice warm sunny weather down here. I heard your winter was good not too cold, not much snow. I'm sending you a picture of me on my three wheeler. Slow transportation and not that easy to peddle. It's like the horse and buggy days where you took a lunch with you when you went to the market. Thanks again! I like all the pics, I even recognize a few. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Contact Rudy at 576-0847 RLBuildersinc.com
Bolster Monumental Works Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning Since 1877
1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673
You'll Laugh
David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience
You'll Learn
With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more. Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.
L-A’s WEZR RADIO
1240
Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ Automotive Mike Morin’s Auto Center Free shuttle with all repair work 1122 Center Street, Auburn 753-0433
Construction
For Rent
Timber-Built Construction New home construction, Sunrooms, Garages 753-9887 or 576-8528
2 Bedroom First Floor Apt.
HAIR 2000
In Mechanic Falls Includes heat, hot water, trash pick up, off-street parking. Stove/fridge, washer/dryer hook-ups. Fenced in backyard. $700/month. Security, References required. Call 576-4844 FMI
Experienced Barber or Stylist Opening at Hair 2000 in Lewiston Call Kim at 783-7373
St. Laurent & Sons
Victory Lane $5 OFF Oil Change 828 Minot Ave, Auburn 795-8983
Stone Dust to Rock, we have it in stock! We Deliver.
Armand’s Autobody Free Estimates Satisfaction Guarantee Call Dan Dumont @ 782-7113 New Major Automotive $15 OFF Hourly Service Rate 250 Broad Street, Auburn 783-4933
Call 784-7944 or order online at stlaurentandson.com 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
Remodeling Kitchen Solutions
Emerson Toyota Your next vehicle is here! 990 Center Street, Auburn 784-1348
10’ x 12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop only $1,999. Call 897-3400 FMI
Donovan’s Auto Sales 50 great vehicles to choose from. 267 Rt. 202, Greene 800-811-8856
Trash Outs
Cameron Tire Buy 2 tires, get free oil change 60 Minot Ave, Auburn 782-6666
Need it gone - call us today 784-8922
Independent Auto Sales High quality cars & trucks 1298 Sabattus Street, Lewiston IndependentAuto.com
Donovan’s Auto Sales 50 vehicles in stock Rt. 202, Greene, 753-0433 Donovansauto.com
1600 square feet of combined space close to downtown Auburn and 5 miles to highway. Nice condition, friendly neighborhood & comfortable parking. $650/month includes electricity, water/sewer & heat. One year lease required. Please contact 576-3897 to schedule a viewing.
Home Improvement Services
Sound Effects Car audio & remote starters 216 Center St, Auburn 777-3339
Lake City Exports L/A’s premiere pre-owned lot 867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033
Office and Warehouse space for rent in New Auburn
Farrell Enterprises We clean out anything Foreclosures Call today 782-5300
Uncle Andy’s Digest Classified advertising
Did You Know? Running a display ad along with a classified doubles your exposure and makes the average number of impressions necessary to be successful happen at a quicker pace?
Employment
Urban Edge Hair Studio Stylist needed for booth rental Established clientele preferred Call Linda @ 784-3522
Services Offered Experienced PCA In-home Care 34 years experience References Available Call 576-6592
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It doesn’t get any more affordable! Call us today for more info @ 783-7039 or email: editor@UncleAndys.com
To err is human; to pretend, pantomime.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side.
Jean Fournier a representative of Modern Woodmen of America, has been named to Modern Woodmen’s President’s Cabinet. This distinction recognizes Fournier’s high achievement in life insurance sales and ranking among the organizations top reps nationwide.
Deb Wagemann a representative of Modern Woodmen of America, has been named to Modern Woodmen’s President’s Club. This distinction recognizes Wagemann’s high achievement in life insurance sales among the organizations reps nationwide.
800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
Founded in 1883, MWA touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal financial services organization offers financial products and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The Mercedes-Benz motto is “Das Beste oder Nichts” meaning “the best or nothing”.
The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.
Horse Talk It's not just the stock market that's been telegraphing "trouble" about the economy. The price of thoroughbreds has matched Wall Street's gyrations. Yearlings that sold for an average of $27,295 in 1999 were fetching $54,506 in 2008. But recent sales have seen 20 percent declines in recent years.
Glenda Mitchell (showroom consultant) and Tim Fox (showroom manager)
Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.
Partnering with Professionals
784-5721 3 Middle Street, Lewiston
Moral: If you invest in horses, don't expect stable prices.
Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM
I couldn't believe that the statue was not made of stone.
APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED
Where Professionals Go On Vacation... Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Next time, I won't take a work of art for granite.
Partnering with Professionals for Your Spring Plumbing Projects: Don't Pour Your Money Down the Drain
Navy Stars of AYC
Spring is a popular time for building and renovation projects. Whether you are building a new home, vacation home, or renovating your current home, it is important to partner up with professionals who can help you get the job done right. Working with an experienced installer can save you time, money, and a lot of headaches in the long run. Once you find the Plumbing Professional you want to complete your project you will then want to turn your focus to the products that will be right for you. Ask your plumber to point you toward a plumbing wholesaler like Redlon & Johnson. They have excellent quality, durable products. If you've hired a professional to handle your plumbing projects we could safely assume you aren't a professional yourself. That being said, you should be aware of the risks that can be associated with purchasing at some of the home centers and warehouse-type outlets available to the public. While some of the prices at these big box stores may seem lower, there are many factors that could lead to future problems for your home and your wallet. A lot of these products are designed for the retail market and the quality may not be as high as professional grade products. As with most things, the lower the cost, the less expensive it was to make and the less effective or durable it may be. You might want to consider paying a bit more to prevent future repair costs and water damage risks. In some cases, your contractor may charge higher installation rates for products that are not professional grade because they take more time and effort to install. Your contractor also may not warranty these products if they fail, meaning you are responsible for all costs associated with uninstalling and reinstalling the product. There are many local businesses in Central Maine that can help you make good decisions. If you’re a do-it-yourselfer kind of person with some knowledge, then Selco Plumbing & Heating is the place for you. They are also very knowledgeable and can guide you to the right product choices. Adding a bathroom in your basement is now fairly easy with Selco’s SaniPlus toilet. It flushes up! No need to chisel your cement floor or build up your floor base. If you've got a project this spring that requires plumbing expertise, call the pros. It may be the difference between your project getting done and your project getting done right.
The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45% when a person looks at something pleasing.
Mackenzie Ames is all smiles after the big win! Mackenzie cheered for The Navy Stars of Auburn Youth Cheering Submitted by: Chrissy Ames from Republic Jewelry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Introducing our new Car Wash Manager
Lewis Bailey
The ‘v’ in the name of a court case does not stand for ‘versus’, but for ‘and’ (in civil proceedings) or ‘against’ (in criminal proceedings).
These cars are all $199 or less per month!
Colin Dube, son of Derek Dube, Lake City Exports Owner
Lewis Bailey, Car Wash Manager & Steve Dubois, Owner
867 Center Street Auburn 753-0033
2006 Honda Element EX
2005 Saab 9-5 2008 Nissan Sentra 2.0 S Arc
NOW OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK!! Mon-Fri. 9am-5pm Sat. 8:30am-4pm
• Full Reconditioning • Hand Car Wash & Wax • Interior Cleaning • Dualies & Denalis welcome
$194.16 /mo. 2005 Nissan Xterra S 4X4
$156.47 /mo. 2005 Saab 9-5 Arc
APRIL SPECIAL
HAND WAX $ 50 includes wash
$165.90 /mo. 2006 Saab 9-3 2.0T
865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3004 liquidsunshinecarwash.com
$184.74/mo.
$157.97/mo. 2006 VW Passat 2.0T
$184.74 /mo.
Hours: Mon- Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 8:30am - 4pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids.