UAD January 2015

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America

Voted best International Restaurant AND Best Sushi Restaurant by You, via Market Surveys of America, 2 years running!

FREE

January 2015

Best wishes in

We want to THANK YOU for your support this past year!

FREE Dessert

when you celebrate your birthday at Sea 40!

Open Mic Night Every Wednesday at 7pm

Japanese Cuisine

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 www.sea40me.com

Armandsab@aol.com

Money in the Bank

“New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either of them.” – Melanie White

Submitted by Jimbo

Father O’Malley answers the phone: “Hello, is this Father O'Malley?”

“It is!'”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I’ll do my best, said Father O’Malley.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” asks the IRS. “I do!” responds Father O’Malley.

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is!”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” asked the IRS agent.

“He will,” the Father responds.

Zippy Submitted by Jimbo

An elderly man went to his doctor and said,”'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.”

“That's not senility,” replied the doctor. “Senility is when you forget to zip down.”

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Don't Honk - I'm pedaling as fast as I can.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

At my age, flowers scare me. – George Burns

January 2015 Tuesday, Jan 6th Luiggi’s 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 67 Sabattus St., Lewiston $4.50 Member; 5.50 Guest Sunday, Jan 11th KC Breakfast 8 – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free Tuesday, Jan 13th Dairy Queen 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14346) 661 Minot Ave. Auburn $5 Member; $6 Guest Saturday, Jan 17th KC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm (Chapter 8609) 8 Sacred Heart Place, Auburn $5 Member;$6 Guest Tuesday, Jan 20st Roy’s Breakfast 7 – 10am (Chapter 12749) 5 Washington St. Auburn $2 Member; $3 Guest Tuesday, Jan 21st Chick-A-Dee 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 12907) 1472 Lisbon St., Lewiston $8 Member; $9 Guest Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston

Art Chamberlain 207-514-7003 Lewiston

Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston

Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick

Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston

Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway

Deb Wagemann* 207-783-8804 Auburn

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type. – Bob Hope

Tuesday , Jan 27th Applebee’s 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt. 26, Oxford $6 Member

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed.

************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

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UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2015 please?

AFFORDABLE DENTURES Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Staff Also see us for:

JIMBO

• Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures • Partial Dentures • Rebases • Relines • Repairs • All work done in house,

Slightly Famous

TIM The Total Package

including metal frameworks

MAGGIE If B.S. Were a

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

Penny a Pound...

THOMAS Appreciation Marketing Guru

PAM No Perm Needed

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

FREE CONSULTATIONS

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com

UncleAndysDigest.com While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

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May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

Some of us are just wired differently. And between us... I think you should sue the contractor.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

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Out ’n About with Community Credit Union

A pencil is just a pen that can't commit.

REFRESH YOUR SMILE FOR THE NEW YEAR! Live Well, Look Good & Feel Great.

New Patients Receive

10% OFF

Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH

First Visit with ad.

Early evening & Saturday appointments available!

The Grinch limbers up prior to working the crowd at the Chamber breakfast.

Dental Hygiene & Wellness Dental Cleanings Oral Cancer Assessments Sealants All Ages Welcome

Fluoride Treatments Athletic Mouth Guards Most Insurances Accepted No Referrals Needed

241-0667 137 East Avenue Lewiston

SassevilleHealthySmile.com I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of '98.

Out ’n About with Community Credit Union The Grinch puzzling with his overworked puzzler.

Young Wonder Submitted by Thomas Hill

The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in.

"Cool, Grandma!" he said. "Now take off your arm."

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Community Credit Union staffers: Andrew Lunn, Jen Hogan, Grinch, Kerry Wood & Bria Duncan As a judge in the ugly sweater contest, Jimbo awards Andrew with the title of the ugliest sweater ever. Andrew, you win a lifetime subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest. Be sure to grab one in your lobby each month.

Automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Upscale Comfort Food and Home Style Hospitality in a Historically Distinct Setting.

Out ’n About at Logan Ames’ B’day Bash Happy Birthday, Logan!

Our menu features a modern twist on traditional Lewiston & Auburn favorites, alongside innovative railroad inspired comfort food dishes.

• Locally Owned • Thoughtfully Sourced • Made from Scratch • Maine Craft Artisans

Reserve our function room for your next party or event!

Abby 103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com Monday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm

When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.

Join our challenge and YOU could WIN! • 8 week challenge • 2 launches: 1st is January 12-15; 2nd is January 19-23 • $60 entry fee - over $300 in prizes to top 2 finishers • Winners based on total percentage of fat lost • Call TODAY to enter!

Ava They grow up so fast!

10% Discount on Training & Nutrition Services

Group Classes • One-on-One Training Nutrition Services • Team Training 272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 Prime360Training.com I can take a hint. If you hit me with it about ten times.

BJ Grondin, CSCS

Chrissy Ames with her dad, Reed Lizotte Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com

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Out ’n About at Center Street Dental

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

MAKE(ing) A WISH come true Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to make Delilah’s wish come true

Just Awesome!

Delilah & Dr. Rose

Chelsi Ricker & Nikki Woodman

Brittney Bell & Katlyn Gardiner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

Resolutions Over the Years

A group of eavesdroppers is called a heard.

Submitted by Jimbo

From Our Family to Yours...

Happy New Year!

2011 - I will get my weight down below 160 pounds.

2012 - I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 180 pounds.

2013 - I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2014 - I will work out every day.

2015 - I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week and eat fewer cookies.

Password

We look forward to serving you in 2015!

There’s NO PLACE like...

See our coupons on the Just Darn Good Deals page

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events!

Weddings • Summer Events • Reunions Company Parties Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!

Dad’s Catering Division 345-9009

DadsPlace.info

Submitted by Thomas Hill

While a father was visiting his son, he asked for the password to his Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” he said.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-DU-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-MO-D-E-M?” “Deer readers, my gnu years resolution is to tell you a gazelleon times how much I caribou you!

Sorry. Bad puns.

Alpaca bag and leave.”

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.

– Greg Tamblyn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com

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Jackpot

I don't like to be difficult but I'm good at it.

Submitted by Jimbo

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices.

These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

BEST OF THE BEST! Debbie Bodwell

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

Wife: “Do you want dinner?”

Husband: “Sure! What are my choices?”

Wife: “Yes or no.”

Golden Years

Voted Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s Best Mortgage Company for 2014!

Submitted by Jimbo

I sure have gotten old.

I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement and new knees.

Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends.

But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

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Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs!

NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537 Equal Housing Opportunity

Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336 VP, Mortgage Banker 181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210 P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933 Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell

Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Business is no laughing matter (unless you’re Jimbo)

Business Quiz MATCH THE NAME

WITH THE BUSINESS

Let’s make a Dill Flantastic A Slice Is Right Hunan Resources Silent but Dehli Jockular Spruce SpringClean Lord of the Fries Tequila MockinBird

New Mexican restaurant An old-fashioned deli Mexican desert bar A pizza joint A sports bar An up-scale Mexican restaurant A new Lewiston fast food joint A large Chinese restaurant An up-scale cleaning firm

That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you really look at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see? Are there changes/improvements you need to make? If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard, managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know your business better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOU MAKE IT GREAT!!

Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach; Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst

NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz 207-754-2003 Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Out ’n About with the Great Falls Model RR Club 2014 ExTRAINaganza

Mondays are the root of all evil.

WINTER IS HERE! We are a professional collision repair and painting facility.

All work is guaranteed! Free estimates!

Anita & Moe Dube COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING 1111 Center Street, Auburn 782-6515

Tasha Pelletier, Model

’Tis the season to have your life choices mocked at the dinner table.

If you're willing to overlook an untold number of flaws I am the perfect man.

Out ’n About at Center Street Dental Augustus & Tavin White

MAKE(ing) A WISH come true Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to make Delilah’s wish come true!

winner of Thomas the Tank Engine

Center Street Dental staff with Delilah Avaya Desjardins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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January 2015

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If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.

I'd try to look on the bright side more often but it hurts my eyes.

Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.

Out ’n About with the Great Falls Model RR Club 2014 ExTRAINaganza

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!

Ask About Home Visits!

We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.

Call f

or you r FREE consult ation!

The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.

Bob & Denise Purington

207-440-2130

If you can guess what’s in my hands, you’ll win a free model train ride.

87 Essex Street, Lewiston (inside the Action Computer Services building)

Once you start talking to dogs, it's almost impossible to go back to people.

Carmen Coulombe

Nancy Weeks I don't know what it is either, but it was on sale.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 13

Salesmanship

I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.

Submitted by Jimmy Benson

The kids filed into class Monday morning.

They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

Pick a Proven Winner Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.

Choose one with a proven track record!

Rollie Heckethorn:

Office: 729-7297 Cell: 344-0007

Rollie Heckethorn

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988 • Past President of the Androscoggin Board of Realtors • 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year • Assisting buyers & sellers of residential, commercial & investment properties all over the state of Maine

Out ’n About at Logan Ames’ B’day Bash

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next.

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I explained to everyone that the magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs, I sold heaps and I made $45.”

Mike, Chrissy, Mackenzie & Logan Ames

“Very good, Debbie,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Jimbo's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Jimbo walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. “$2,467,” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher. “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said (continued on next page)

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January 2015

783-7039

SPRQ Studio with Full Class schedules for the whole family!

FREE CLASS for you and a friend!

SAVE $25 on Your 1st Month Unlimited

SAVE $5 on a 10 Class Punch Card

Check out Our New Location at 181 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus Check Out Our Class Schedule By Visiting Our Website www.SPRQstudio.com

All my passwords are protected by amnesia.

(continued from previous page)

I may be older than dirt, but I'm still above it.

L

K

Little Jimbo.

“Toothbrushes,” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

+

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for $

12

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

“I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Jimbo, “I set up a Chip & Dip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘“Hey, this tastes like dog poop!’”

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! • • • • •

Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar Daily Specials Open Mic on Wednesday Nights Live Music on Friday Nights

Rol lod ro me Thursday 30 - 10:00 - All Skating 7: Friday Nights 4pm nday - 1:30 Saturday & Su t 7:30 - 10pm gh Ni ily m ts - Fa Saturday Nigh - 10pm 30 - All SK8 • 7: Sunday Night

Available for private parties

“I decided to use a politicians method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”

Little Jimbo got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

LE R SCHE20D+ U WINTNiEgh -10pm 30 7: ts - Ages

Then I would say, “It is dog poop, you wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Some days, I feel like flypaper for idiots.

"It's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.''

– Billy Crystal to Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 15

Out ’n About with the Great Falls Model RR Club 2014 ExTRAINaganza

God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.

We Have the Loan for YOU! Low Rates • Fast Approvals Call Dane, Michele or Ken today!

Cynthia Hunnewell

It might be cold out here, but our great loans will warm you up!

Gayle Flagg

Diane & Annabelle Keller "Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor."

– Benjamin Franklin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 l 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

GreatFallsfcu.com Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress?

I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

Out ’n About with the Great Falls Model RR Club 2014 ExTRAINaganza

Dick Rubin & Jerry Johnston

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com

I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.

I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS 1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801 AndroscogginOrtho.com

I'll remember 2014 like it was yesterday.

Put on Your Happy Face!

I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

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My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn to play an instrument Offering lessons in: • Guitar • Voice Call • Violin

376-3376 Today!

• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & woodwinds

We also sell and service all types of instruments

Main St. Music Lessons

Authorized Service Center

• Piano • Banjo • Music theory

& Instrument Repair

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Starting Off Right Submitted by Jimbo

Dear God, So far this has been great! I haven't gossiped about my friends.

I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, cruel, or rude. I'm very thankful. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help to get through the New Year.

My 5 Hour Energy Drink worked for twenty minutes.

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION! ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...

ANY PROBLEM...

Happy New Year!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

333-0364

Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve

Pediatricians tend to have very little patients.

Come see us at our NEW Location!

Walk-ins Welcome

hwilliamsbarber.com

We’re now at 61 Mill Street in Auburn (in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)

740-6316

10 CUTS

$ 61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

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184 Turner St. Auburn (Next to Coastal T-shirts)

How do they even grow a boneless chicken?

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4 Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12

If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

Every Friday

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ($7.50) and get the 2nd dozen at half price! $

ble! s a l i a v e Now A ped Pastri

Wrap ENS! h s e r F RD at MA

11.25 for both

$ 161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston

784-7042

LabadiesBakery.com Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm

May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

1 OFF

Dozen Donuts with coupon Not to be combined with any other special.

✃

Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Out ’n About Some might say I’m a little Twisted.

I say I resemble that remark.

Make Heidi’s one of your resolutions, we’ll make it stick!

Includes soup, 1/2 sandwich, choice of potato salad, coleslaw or chips, & pickle

Andy Carrier Locally Owned & Operated

Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

enjoying a summer day with an ice cold Twisted Tea

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

– George Carlin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

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All Smiles

Every salad can be a Caesar Salad, you just have to stab it enough times.

Lisa-Marie Sasseville Independent dental practice hygienist LisaMarie Sasseville is the owner/operator of Sasseville Healthy Smile & Wellness. They’re located at 137 East Ave. in Lewiston, directly across from the YWCA. They offer a range of services, including dental cleaning, nutritional counseling, oral cancer evaluation, periodontal evaluations, children’s sealants and professional strength fluoride treatment.

Lisa-Marie also fabricates custom athletic mouth guards for athletes and is a Shaklee independent distributor.

Facials and teeth whitening are also available at the office from Debra Smith by appointment.

The office accepts most insurances, with discounts for self-pay customers. For an appointment, call the office at 207-241-0667 or go to sassevillehealthysmile.co m. You can also connect with them on their Facebook page.

See their ad on page 6.

So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck.

Turns out I phoned dial-a-llama.

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January 2015

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My phone auto-corrects "killed" to "kilt." Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

Every year I make a resolution to change myself...

This year I’m making a resolution to be myself!

Out ’n About at Lost Valley with the Chamber

PROTECTING

Take my pic one more time and I’ll stuff you in the bus.

What You Love.

What You Do. ish..

What You Cher

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417 VarneyAgency.com

Dan

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm Kerrie Robbins

Commercial Insurance Specialist

Bartender at Lost Valley

commercial

home

auto

recreational

umbrella

life health

Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo.

This food is delicious but I just have a thing for hot dogs...

Happy New Year from All of Us! Come Join the Family!

“Try us once, r!” you’ll be a regula

Linda & Jimmy Simones

Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!

$

3 OFF

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

ANY LARGE PIZZA!

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

Limit one per customer per visit (UAD) Expires 1.31.15

All that extra air in potato chip bags we complain about really serves a purpose - it’s Nitrogen and prevents the chips from breaking.

Nick & Mya Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 21

Bull Talk

2014 was the first year in nine years that Pixar did not release a new film.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows."

They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteenwheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest baddest bull these guys had ever seen! At 4,700

Since 1953

Mon-Sun: 9am

LuiggisPizzeria.com

- 10pm

SUNDAY

MONDAY

Baked Ziti

The Fergy

$

6.00

Mini Pizza

2.99 2 toppings $3.99

Meatball Subs

Spaghetti Dinners

3.35 lg $ 6.50

2.50 lg $ 5.00

1 topping $

WEDNESDAY

sm $

sm $

THURSDAY

TUESDAY

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

w/ch $3.99 w/ch

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

$

7.50

$

5.25

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians $7.99

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50 Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised the Earth’s temperature by 3 degrees.

Brain Teaser Time The One That Got Away Can you find seven number words hidden in this paragraph? Underline the number words in the phrase at the bottom.

Example: the word eight could be hidden inside one word, height, or between two words, like this... We will ride in a sleigh tonight.

Ready... go!

Where has the fat worm gone? He was wriggling away from my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!

Answer is on page 34. But at least give it a shot first!

(continued on next page)

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Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

(continued from previous page)

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

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pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Heck, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend, new to the city asked where he could meet some singles.

"Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries."

"Dear," I intervened.

"Singles, not seagulls."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 23

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20

th

Best Chinese Restaurant:

Y O U R

Chopsticks

20

37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

Best Auto Body Shop in the area: 1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

19

A R E I N

8

Best Breakfast Place: 87 Mill Street Auburn 753-0171

17

775 Washington St N, Auburn • 784-2110

Mary Jane’s School of Dance

15

Best Convenience Store:

675 Main St. Lewiston • 946-7302

484 Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Automotive Service:

Best Chiropractor:

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

House of Pizza

99 Spring St., Lewiston 784-1819

St. Hilaire 6 Contractors

Best Prime Rib 13

775 Washington St N, Auburn • 784-2110

6

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:

Best Banquet Facility: Inn & Conference Center

13

Best Landscape Company:

12

78 Lisbon St, Lisbon 353-4848

5

Healthy Beauty 486 Sabattus St., Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235 Best Eye Care Professionals:

Optometric Associates

5

Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole

168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)

Best Burger:

Best Insurance Agency: 10

541 Lisbon St, Lewiston, • 784-4029 Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM

6

Best Roofing Contractor:

Lewiston

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

#

6

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Best Casual Restaurant:

490 Pleasant St, Lewiston 330-3775

7

6

Dr. Gerald Nadeau

14

Best Pizza: 13

DINER

391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

Best Dance Studio:

1122 Center St, Auburn • 753-0433

Rolly’s

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

17

Bilodeau Insurance Indicates number of years as winner.

9

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

#1 In Dining Excellence:

V O T E S

1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

Best Sports Pub:

#1 Jeweler in the area: 600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

Best Pool & Spa Company:

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

5

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey com Best Businesses for 2014 Survey. The above winners are the r

Annual Best Businesses for 2014 Best Financial Planners: 541 Lisbon St Lewiston 786-0651

5

Poirier Associates

Best Wait Staff:

2

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston • 795-6888

Japanese Cuisine

Best Bar/Lounge:

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

4

Best Heating Oil Service: 3 Conant Rd Turner 225-3588

Best Sushi Restaurant:

4

Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, INC

Best Day Spa:

4

2

at the Ramada Inn

Best Martini Bar: 490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

2

at the Ramada Inn

Best Towing Service:

Don’s Towing

V O T Dr. James P. E Herbert, DMD S

71 East Ave., Lewiston 783-3321

940 Washington St., Auburn • 784-4619

Best Attorneys:

Best Real Estate Company:

www.cassiels.com

75 Park St., Lewiston • 795-5000

3

866 Main St., Lewiston 754-3057

22 Strawberry Ave. Lewiston • 782-0670

Best Acupuncturist: 3

12 Highland Spring Rd., Lewiston • 783-2016

Diane Ford

Best Contract Security Company: 86 Main St., Auburn • 800-292-4965

Best Buffet:

1

279 Center St., Auburn • 241-0870

181 Center St., Auburn • 777-1551

3

3

1

Best Massage Therapy:

1

600 Turner Rd. #3 Auburn • 376-3233

Best Car Wash:

J&S Oil/Ultra Clean Car Wash

2

Best International Restaurant: 40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston • 795-6888

1

Best Mortgage Company:

Best Place To Buy Carpet/Flooring:

1103 Lisbon St., Lewiston 333-3655

1

Best Dental Care Facility:

Best Boutique:

675 Main St., Lewiston 782-0831

1

336 Center St., Auburn • 784-3800

3

Y O U R

2

Best Seafood Restaurant: Best Flower Shop:

Japanese Cuisine

1

245 Center St., Auburn • 376-4295

14 Millett Dr., Auburn • 782-3457

1

Ann’s Flowers

A R E I N

mpany, is proud to announce the winners of the 20th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s result of public ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

Paid for by Market Surveys of America

h

Out ’n About at Rails

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you fart dust.

Lewiston’s newest restaurant

Local Radio... The Way It Should Be! The first FM Station just for the L/A Area!!

First Customer

Roy L'Italien Team L'Italien Real Estate

• Hear the Hits of Today Shake It Off, Stay With Me, Maps, Rude, Am I Wrong?, Animals, Try, I’m not the Only One, Boom Clap, Cool Kids, and much more!

• And Classic Hits Songs from the 80’s thru Today!

Jared Lussier Current Media

• Breakfast Club with Matty B Live interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am.

• Local News & Sports 10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm 2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.

4-5pm: “Friday Free For All” featuring local artists.

6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.

Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown.

4 WAYS TO LISTEN: Justin Nadeau Grow L+A Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26

January 2015

783-7039

Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM, Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App. Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

All I know for sure is one of us is right and one of us is you.

Presented by:

Local Music Line-up FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL

Live on the air every Friday 4–5pm. Tune into Z105.5FM

Out ’n About at Rails Lewiston’s newest restaurant

We’re right on track!

MAINE BLUES SOCIETY ERIC FRENCH THE BLOOD ORANGE MARTINIS

January 9th

JOE BRIEN

MIKE WILLETTE

January 16th

January 23rd

A special thanks to Eddie & Emmanuel Boucher of

"Aunt Joline & Uncle Bill"

BROKEN:51

EAB International

January 30th

(music line-up and graphics)

If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of Rails

Claudette Ledoux & John Pothier

You know Steve, this might be my first appearance in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

That’s probably because you’re such an intravert! You need to get Out ‘n About more!!

Steve Dick & Governor Paul LePage reminiscing about their old school days and playing sports together in Lewiston

The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

Dan Earle & Susie Beck Kitchen Manager

My 2015 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 27

Out ’n About at Rails

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

Assisted Home Care II

Lewiston’s newest restaurant

Now ex our serv panding ic Midcoas es to the t Region !

“Our Family Assisting Your Family”

When I’m not thinking about food, I’m thinking about other things.

Assisting Families since 1997.

• • • • •

Registered Home Health Care Service Agency Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 24 hour Personal Care and Response Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers Assist with Independent Living at Home

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Out ’n About at Rails Fern & Heidi Langlois

Lewiston/Auburn is full of little gems.

We’re excited to be part of it!

Steve & Claire Dick Owners of Rails Restaurant

Lil & Gerry Castonguay all the way from San Antonio, TX

I really like Fern’s taste in wardrobe.

Marc & LuAnn Frenette Trafton, Matzen, Belleau & Frenette

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28

January 2015

783-7039

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, if you acted your age, you'd die.

Out ’n About at Rails Lewiston’s newest restaurant Stop in for lunch or dinner.

You won’t be disappointed!

“Affordable Dental Excellence”

New Patient Special $

88

Includes: Cleaning, Exam, and Xrays.

Caring family dentist and specialists with a Pediatric Dentist & Periodontist on staff!

Hours: Mon. 8am-5pm Tues & Wed. 8am-7pm Thurs 8am-5pm

488 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 783-8800 www.androscoggindentalgroup.com

Fri. 8am-1pm

Sharon White General Manager of Rails

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

– Erma Bombeck

Out ’n About at...

Yummy, if you thought you were famous before... watch what happens once everyone sees you in the Digest!

Mitchell & Yummy Raubesen Made slightly famous by appearing on the History Channel’s show, Downeast Dickering

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Mike Bilodeau & Scott Duplissis Bilodeau Insurance

Sam Davidson & Bob Boulette Bob's Finish Carpentry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 29

CA LL TH E P R O S Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family” es to the Now expanding our servic Midcoast Region! re about See page 28 to learn mo the services we offer.

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston cubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE

No Separating Required!

743-3891

Now serving Lewiston & Auburn!

Call us for a FREE quote.

• Driveways • Patios • Walkways

• Porches • Steps • Poolscapes

Serving: Norway • West Paris Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford & NOW Lewiston/Auburn!

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com

GIVE YOUR WARDROBE A MAKEOVER

Join us for some Affordable FUN! $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie Sunday at 6:00PM Wed., Thurs, & Friday at 6:30PM

Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc. 61 Albert Street, Lewiston

333-2763

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall

jackiesbraceletsetc.com

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394

Like us on

1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston (next to the Elks Lodge)

956-1793 Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pm Sat 10am - 1pm

Bookkeeping Plus QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

CELEBRATING 21 YEARS IN BUSINESS!

It’ll be 4 generations real soon!

Thank you L/A for 21 wonderful years! Our family looks forward to serving you for many more!!

3 Generations: Sadie, Jordan, Ken & Rolly

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party Which one of these is not like the other?

(Hum that Sesame Street tune)

Leslie Sweatt, Candace Frederick & Lisa Millett

NEHT ESAE HTIW SIHT DAER NAC UOY FI TA DETNELAT YLBIDERCNI ERA UOY NA SI HCIHW ,SDRAWKCAB GNIDAER .EVAH OT TNELAT SSELTNIOP YLBIDERCNI If you robbed a kissing booth you'd make out like a bandit.

Young Love Submitted by Jimbo

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands.

They had been silent for a while, when the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts."

The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinking how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."

So she did so.

But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinking now?"

To which the lad grumbled, "Well, I was hoping ye hadn't forgotten the penny!"

Trip Advisor Submitted by Thomas Hill

An American and his wife were traveling around Ireland by car when the tire developed a slow puncture.

He managed to find a small local garage where he asked the owner if they had an air line.

The owner replies, "an air line? You must be joking; we don't even have a bus station!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 31

Out ’n About at Rails Lewiston’s newest restaurant

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old it looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap danced on your face.

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing Commercial & Residential

SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING SNOW REMOVAL

FREE QUOTES

Morin avating exc

Inc.

Andy Morin 207.784.8293 cell: 207.576.4714 amorinexc@roadrunner.com

Mystery Photo Sharon White

Where in the world was Russ for this picture?

Director of Operations at Rails

Winning contestant gets a $10 gift card to Dunkin Donuts from Russ.

Ahhh... Jimbo, shouldn’t it be you supplying the prize?

Russ Dillingham Professional photographer for the Sun Journal

Stacey Thurston Central Distributors

& Cathy Rainor Morin's Fine Furniture & Finishing

The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.

"You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32

January 2015

783-7039

Welcome Peg Montoya to our team!

Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg Montoya Stylist

Owner/Stylist

Stylist

Booth Rentals Available Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm

232 Center Street, Auburn

753-9368 (next to Play It Again Sports)

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old your social security number is 1.

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

Fern & Louise Roy We asked Sam if she approved of her nickname.

Sam “Babycakes” Roy

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments.

No one will ever guess who I am...

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION

MORE FOR YOUR $$

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Get more for your returns at Dad’s!

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

Dad’s Redemption

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. (must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

✃

es v i r D Bottle me!

Welco

6¢

UAD expires 1.31.15

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Cassie Roy "Everything’s starting to click for me!" said my father-in-law at dinner.

"My knees, my elbows, my neck … " Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 33

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party Hmmm... a new sandwich called the “Elwood”

I fainted at the doctor's office last week. It happened when they called my name within 5 minutes of my appointment time.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE Scooter

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 We can do it:

OUR TIRES

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

Deb & Elwood Strout

$10 OFF ANY Service with Coupon!

Happy New Year!!

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity, too.

Brain Teaser Time Nate Verville Just a small prayer for the Patriots to go all the way this year!

The One That Got Away

Answer to brain teaser puzzle on page 22.

Where has the fat worm gone? He was wriggling away from my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!

Caleb Banker Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34

January 2015

783-7039

I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they’ll charge me.

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE 5 Locations for Your Convenience

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!

ERS OP ST. O R N ng i BO LIS Sell ! r w No iquo L

Sabattus Street, Lewiston

Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Main Street, Auburn

WHAT’S BREWING AND ALWAYS NEW YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS Minot Ave, Auburn

Gold Crown Coffee Brandy 1.75L $16.99 Save $3

Beer Specials Coors/Bud/Bud Lt/Lite 6pk 16oz cans .$4.99 Bud/Bud Lt 16oz 18 packs . . . . . . . . .$14.99 Baxter Variety 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99 Shipyard 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 Twisted Tea 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99

Wine Specials

Since 1992

794 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-6353

Bulleit Bourbon 750ml $24.99 Save $4

Crown Royal Maple/Apple 750ml $21.99 Save $4

Tullamore Dew 12Yr. 750ml $38.99 Save $7

Yellowtail 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.99 Cavit 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 Dreaming Tree 750 ml . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99 GFV Twin Valley 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10 Naked Grape 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99 Vueve Clicquot Brut 750ml . . . . . . . . .$49.99

694 Main St. Lewiston • 782-1482

Main Street, Lewiston

Belevedere Vodka 750ml $23.99 Save $6

Naked Grape 3L $16.99

1420 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 333-3095

545 Minot Ave. Auburn • 783-2047

George Dickel 8Yr 750ml $19.99 Save $2

303-311 Main St. Auburn • 783-9098

Fast Friends

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old the Lewiston fire department is on standby when they light your birthday cake.

Submitted by Jimbo

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

New Auburn Social Club a e n o y r e v E s Wishe ! r a e Y w e N Happy Mark Your Calander!

Join Us at the United New Auburn Association Monthly Meeting on the Last Tuesday of the Month at Rolly’s Diner with Special Guest Speakers

We would like to recognize our newly elected Officer:

Fred Mitchell As well as our Re-elected Officers: Pat Legee, Joe Walker, Heather Quintal & Mike LaPlante

Join us Monday, January 5th at 6:00pm For the Inauguration of our newly elected Officer and our Re-elected Officers!

Stop in and help us welcome them!!

New Auburn Social Club • 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

TOWNLINE ANTIQUES Buying & Selling

837-3784 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36

January 2015

783-7039

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

Join us for

our

Super Bowl Party!

$50 pp

(all inclusive)

Pig Roast, Tailgate Hors d'oeuvres & includes 2 beverages of your choice! Tons of giveaways!!

Super Bowl Sunday!

Multiple Grand Prizes!

• 40” Flat Screen TV • 4 hr Casco Bay Sailing Trip (for 4 people; includes steak & lobster dinner)

and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!

No better place to be on Super Bowl Sunday!

Happy New Year!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party What do you call a dog with no legs?

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.

Happy New Year We look forward to serving you in 2015!

The Vallee Family and whole team at the Village Inn wish to extend our sincere thankfulness to our community for their continued support throughout the year.

We really appreciate our friends and our guests and we look forward to serving you all in the New Year!

Doesn’t matter. He won’t come anyway.

Thomas Callahan 2015 is gonna be a great year!

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Mr Clean when he had an afro.

Laurie & Liz “Goose” Callahan

Melissa Noel & Adam Downs Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38

January 2015

783-7039

My life GPS is recalculating.

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Trivia Time!

Do not neglect your Septic System

Q: How can you make a library bigger?

Service Rental Sales

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party Why do I get the feeling we’re about to get photo bombed?

Q: When do bad days usually fall apart?

CO., INC.

A: Daybreak

111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

A: By adding more stories to it.

I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

Remember when conversations didn't involve typing?

Q: What cannot run although it has three feet?

Vikki Rogers & Kevin Mcbean

A: A Yard.

Q: If a dad gives fifteen cents to one of his sons, and a dime to another, what time is it?

A: A quarter to two.

Q: Where were the first donuts fried?

A: In Greece.

January Special

$10 OFF Brazilians or Foils!

✃

Now offering Brazilians!

Expires 1.31.15

Okay, who wants to gimme a push on my mood swing?

Cassie & Diana Roy with mystery photo bomber

Darcy

Amanda

Christopher

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611

777-1611

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you left your man-purse on Noah’s Ark.

Q: What’s the quickest way to make a point in your writing?

A: Sharpen your pencil.

Kelley

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 39

BEST OF THE BEST

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you recall when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch.

Debbie Bodwell Debbie Bodwell of Residential Mortgage Services was named the 2014’s best mortgage company for the Greater Lewiston/Auburn area by Market Surveys of America. Market Surveys of America is an independent survey company and the winners are the result of tallied public ballots taken throughout the Lewiston/Auburn area for the small business community.

Debbie has been originating residential mortgages for homebuyers in the Lewiston Auburn area for over 27 years. For the past 7 years as a Vice President for Residential Mortgage Services. Have a conversation with Debbie and you immediately feel comfortable, she is a down-to-earth person and super relatable.

All important qualities in someone who is helping you through one of the biggest investments you’ll ever make in buying your home.

Debbie specializes in Conventional, FHA, VA and Rural Development financing. She really enjoys dealing with first time home buyers.

She has been a top producer for seven years with RMS. She received the Affiliate of the Year award from the Androscoggin Board of Realtors four times. More impressive than that, she has closed over 14,500 residential loans in her career!

Debbie would like to send out a special thanks all of the people who have entrusted her to finance the biggest purchase they will ever make. And also a big thank you to the Realtors for their ongoing referrals and loyalty. She is looking forward to 2015 being another great year.

Contact Debbie at RMS, 181 Center St, Auburn • 777-1551.

See her ad on page 10.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

40

January 2015

783-7039

Sometimes, I can't figure out if I'm in pre-school or high school. Oh wait, I'm at work.

WHEN YOU’RE TIRED OF THIS...

GIVE US A CALL!

Fully I ns Free Q ured uotes

Servicing the Mechanic Falls, Minot & Poland areas.

JMAR PLOWING Reasonable Rates

576-4844

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper.

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old when you ran the 100 meter dash they timed you with a sundial.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old when you were born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

The Movie of Your Life Submitted by Jimbo

We wish all of our clients a Happy New Year!

Thank YOU for a successful 2014.

We look forward to serving you in 2015!

A man and his wife were having a very hypothetical discussion:

Beat the winter blues!

10 OFF

$

Any chemical service with Kelly D. or Camille

Ann

Kelly

Sue

"Who would you pick to portray you?" she asked him.

We are a full service salon!

Lysa

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

In the unlikely event that Hollywood made a movie based on their lives, they wondered what stars would play them.

Kelly D.

Camille

786-4311 Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to your apartment.

He thought about it for a minute, then answered, "Dennis Quaid."

"In that case," she said, "I’ll play myself."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 41

Out ’n About with the Great Falls Model RR Club 2014 ExTRAINaganza

When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.

Just Darn Good Deals 50¢ OFF

1/2 PRICE PIZZA! ✃

Buy any small pizza, Get second @ 1/2 price!

(2nd pizza equal or lessor value) Not to be combined with other specials

✃

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Grant’s Bakery

Inside Lewiston Variety

525 Sabattus St. Lewiston

783-2226 GrantsBakery.com

145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785

Landon Desjardins

1/2 OFF DINNER ✃

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS

✃

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

85 Center Street, Auburn • 784-8221 PatsAuburn.com

at the Ramada 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331

Wind & Fire Bracelet

Larry Cannon

Large selection!

Giveaway!

✃

Stop in to enter our drawing to win a Wind & Fire Bracelet!

Most are just $

25

Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

785 Main St. Lewiston

“This New Years I resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.”

✃

3 OFF

✃

ANY LARGE PIZZA!

Limit one per customer per visit.

Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Sabattus Main Street Market 2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

We’re more than purses!

Jerry Johnston

$

FREE Coffee or Soda

✃

20% OFF Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

808 Main St. Lewiston

The Library Cafe

753-3054

49 Spring St. Auburn

KellysFabricConnection.com

784-2300 AuburnLibraryCafe.com

– Melanie White Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42

January 2015

783-7039

At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that?"

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill for the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.

Just Darn Good Deals ✃

10% OFF Total Order Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Ewwww Dad!!!

Why are you picking my polar bear’s nose?

20% ✃OFF

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

34 Center St. Auburn 333-3069

770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza)

783-4500 • SaucyPots.com

$

✃

25 OFF

Any service of $100 or more.

yourbestskinofmaine.com

BREAKFAST $3.75 Includes: Egg Breakfast Sandwich (ham, bacon or sausage) with cheese on fresh baked roll, hashbrown, small coffee & a donut!

Just mention this ad!

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)

Larry & Cassie Roy

GEORGIO’S Complete Auto Care

740 Minot Ave, Auburn

783-2981

147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125

myGeorgios.com

BerubesAutoCare.com

BOTTOMLESS BOWLING

✃

All-You-Can-Bowl Wednesdays 1PM – Close 2 hours only $6pp. (shoe rental extra)

FREE DESSERT ✃

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695 Sparetimerec.com

10% ✃OFF

All Adult Novelties & Lingerie (Must be 18 years old)

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

Liz Callahan & Hailee Cote 40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888 Sea40me.com

CHICKEN CORDON BLEU SANDWICH

✃

Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

with mystery photo bomber

ONLY

$

5

Dad’s Place 675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!

Chuck Mundell & Jenn Boston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with January 2015

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 43

Happy New Year from All of Us! Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004

Come Experience a Real Hand Car Wash Done the Old Fashioned Way! CAR WASH & DETAIL

LIQUID SUNSHINE

To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm Fri. by appointment

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit with results that you will be proud to show off.

Visit us at our state of the art office at:

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 Same Day Emergency Care We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM