UAD November 2014

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

The Best Things in Life are...

The Most Unusual Digest in America

FREE

November 2014

Specialty Nights at Sponsored by Federal Distributors with weekly give-a-ways!

Open Mic Night

Mermaid Night

Every Wednesday at 7pm

Every Thursday at 7pm

Register to win a Bud Light Snowboard (drawing to be held 11.26.14)

Register to win an iPad Mini (drawing to be held 12.4.14)

Book Your Holiday Party by Nov. 15th & Receive 10% OFF Menu items.

Japanese Cuisine

Celebrate your Birthday at Sea 40 & Receive a FREE dessert

Save the date for our New Year’s Eve BASH!!

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • sea40me.com

Armandsab@aol.com

Proper Name

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

Submitted by Jimbo

Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".

Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.

He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've been signing your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed with three XXX's..."

Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."

When Abe Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a national holiday, it was thanks to the tireless efforts of a magazine editor named Sarah Josepha Hale. Her other claim to fame?

She also wrote the nursery rhyme, "Mary had a Little Lamb."

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I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

November 2014 Saturday, Nov 1st Sabattus KC Bean Supper 4:30pm - 6pm (Chapter 14346) Parish Hall 131 High St, Sabattus $6 Member; $7 Guest Sunday, Nov 2nd Sabattus American Legion Post 135 Breakfast 7:30am – 10am Island Rd, Sabattus $5 Member; $6 Guest Tuesday, Nov 4th Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 63 Sabattus St, Lewiston $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest Sunday, Nov 9th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free Wednesday, Nov 12th 99 Restaurant 4pm - 7pm (Chapter 12749) 650 Center St, Auburn $8 Member; $9 Guest Tuesday, Nov 18th Roy's Breakfast 7am - 10am (Chapter 8609) Washington St, Auburn $2.50 Member; $3.50 Guest

Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston

Art Chamberlain 207-514-7003 Lewiston

Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston

November 22nd - 29th Feztival of Trees (see schedule for times) Kora Shriner's Temple, 11 Sabattus, Lewiston $1 Member Sunday, Nov 23rd Sabattus KC Turkey Dinner, Noon-Sharp (Chapter 12907) Our Lady of The Rosary Church, Sabattus $6.50 Member; $7 Guest

Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick

Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston

Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway

Deb Wagemann* 207-783-8804 Auburn

Tuesday, Nov 25th Pizza Hut 11:30am - 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt 26, Oxford $5 Member; $5.50 Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed.

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years. Getting over the hill was a workout!

************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.

AFFORDABLE DENTURES Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Also see us for: • Full Dentures

Staff

• Immediate Dentures • Partial Dentures

JIMBO

• Rebases Thankful

• Relines

TIM

• Repairs • All work done in house,

Grateful

including metal frameworks

MAGGIE Appreciative

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

THOMAS We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

Obliged

PAM

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Cheerful

GENE-O Gratified

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com

UncleAndys.com While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

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People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! • • • • •

Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar Daily Specials Open Mic on Wednesday Nights Live Music on Friday Nights

Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights 3rd & 4th Grade Football team These young men had one heck of a season. Representing McFalls, Minot & Poland, they went undefeated coming into the Championship game against Lisbon. A great game it was, the boys played hard - Lisbon ended up on top 14-12.

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

Holiday Craft Fair Hosted by RSU4 PTA When: Where: Entry:

Saturday, November 22 9am – 3pm Oak Hill Middle School 40 Ballpark Rd, Sabattus Admission is FREE!

Holiday gifts, baked goods, door prizes, 50/50, and our famous "Pick Your Raffle". Lunch counter serving homemade soups, chowders, chili and hotdogs. All proceeds support the students grades K-8 from Sabattus, Litchfield, and Wales.

8’ table rentals are $35.

Contact us at RSU4.org FMI

Let’s DO this!

Thanksgiving Centerpieces FREE delivery in L/A

777-1520

I love playing on and eating at the Grid Iron!

Sweet Pea Designs

Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com

"You can’t hurry love or pizza. Especially pizza." – Snoopy

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Labels

It takes 75-80 pounds of feed to raise a 30 pound tom turkey.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soda pop bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated.

Scolding myself for not listening to my father’s instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me.

The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely.

Day Trip

AFTER HOURS HAS WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR! WE CARRY: • All Dab Accessories & rigs • Glasspipes, Metalpipes, Hookahs, Woodpipes • Detox - Vaporizers • E-Hookahs & E-Liquid • Butane, Papers, Shisha & Incense • Seedless Clothing • Posters • Bags • Pipe Cases

We’re a FULL Service Vaporizer Shop.

Open Mon - Sat 10am - 8pm

We have vaporizers for all uses as well as e-cigs, e-hookahs (refillable & disposeable). And many flavors of premium American made e-juice from 0-24mg nicotine levels.

25 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 795-7600 Commercially raised turkeys cannot fly.

Submitted by Jimbo

When I bought my new Lexus Sport Coupe, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.

A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat.

As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It’s the wrong day!"

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Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash

Lucky me... I got to spend an evening with Dumb & Dumber.

Matthew Simard, Terri Cook & Ryan Cook

Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clucking noise.

In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed.

We Would Like To Thank Our Community for 27 Great Years With These Great Offers!

ALL NOVEMBER!

Holiday Spa Package Special!

PURCHASE ANY ARTESIAN SPA & RECEIVE

Spa Cover * Cover Lift * Steps Light Package * Chemical Package

Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights 3rd & 4th Grade Football team

Schan, Kim & Brady Martin The Grid Iron gang

Parker & Ben Hackett There’s no half-way. It’s all or nothing, don’t you agree?

FREE! Want to Earn $200?

Refer A Friend Who Purchases a Spa or Pool and Get $200!

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

Ian MacEachen A fired up fan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

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Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights 3rd & 4th Grade Football team

I had a life once... now I have a computer with Facebook.

Brady Lawrence The boys of Fall... We’re super proud of everyone of them!

Great season, boys!!

Mason & Jim Brousseau What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?

They know what it’s like to be stuffed and then jammed into a small place.

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H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!

Book Your Christmas Party NOW! Business • Family

We do it all!!

Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Dad’s Place Catering Division 345-9009

DadsPlace.info

FREE

COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday.

Expires 11.30.14

ONLY There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

$5

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Sage Advice

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

Submitted by Jimbo

While on a flight cross country, A woman was sitting across the aisle from another woman and her eight-year-old son.

She couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember... Run to Dad first, then the dog.”

The Chick Has Got it Going On! Time to book your Christmas Party with us!

Our back room holds up to 75 people.

We accommodate for small parties, too. Dates are filling fast!

We’ll be all decorated for Christmas on Friday, November 28th.

Thanksgiving Roasted Turkey Breast Dinner - at home or work!

You’re gonna love it!

of Lewiston

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com

with Gravy, Homemade Stuffing, Mashed Potato, Fresh Butternut Squash, Buttered Peas, Cranberry Sauce, Dinner Rolls & Pumpkin Pie. Only $10.95 Pick up 11-4 on Wed. 11.26 • Order soon!

Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights 3rd & 4th Grade Football team

Storybook Diet

Confucius Says: Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

After listening to some bedtime stories, young Eli said to his father, “Snow White was poisoned by an apple, Jack found a giant on a beanstalk, and just look what happened to Alice when she ate the mushroom.”

Open 7 Days a week Mon - Fri 10 - 5 • Sat & Sun 10 - 4

9 Rooms filled with EVERYTHING You need to decorate your home AND SO MUCH MORE!

CHRISTMAS OPEN HOUSE November 12 – 16

20% OFF Your total purchase *Some exclusions

“You wonder why I won't eat fruits and vegetables.”

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"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind." – Steve Allen

“You know you’re a bad cook when your family wants leftover pizza for Thanksgiving.” – Melanie White

HUGE DISCOUNTS Is Your Home Ready for Thanksgiving?

on Kitchen Cabinets and Flooring

Our Gift

Cards m a Christma ke perfect s Gifts!

675 Main Street, Lewiston Mon – Sat 8am - 6pm

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com • 782-0831 “Last Thanksgiving my new dessert really hit the spot: Pepto-Bismol pie.”

– Melanie White

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Slim Picking Submitted by Jimbo

My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father’s Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father.

“I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” – Damien Fahey

Lynn Norris & Michelle Higgins

Opening in November! ~ Booth Rentals Available ~ Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm

232 Center Street, Auburn • 753-9368 (next to Play It Again Sports)

Real Estate Rockettes

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K

Upon opening it, Dad read this message: “You’ve been like a father to me.” He looked at Ryan, puzzled.

and Halloween Bash Angie Larochelle, Melissa Field & Beth Favreau

“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried to explain, “it was either that or the card that said, ‘Now that I’m a father too!’”

Celebrating 7 Years in Business!

Stuffing Submitted by Thomas Hill

Michael was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

“What are you doing?”

Michael inquired.

“Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,” his grandmother replied.

“Wow, that’s cool.”

Michael remarked.

“Are you going to hang it next to the deer?”

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...to our community for all of the support!

Stop by to enter our weekly drawings during November!

• Skate passes to Norway Savings Bank Ice Arena • Heidi’s Gift Cards • Photo Finish Mini Studio Session • $25 Gift Card to Ann’s Flowers Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

Grand Prize Heidi’s Party Platter Locally Owned & Operated

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com

“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.”

– Melanie White

Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could have a day off work.

Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!

Ask About Home Visits!

We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.

Call f

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction at the Hilton Garden Inn in Auburn

I love my (4) job(s)!

or you r FREE consult ation!

The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.

207-440-2130 87 Essex Street, Lewiston

Matt Shaw

Happy Turkey Day, America! Don’t forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.

Kay Richardson & Jonathon Knight CMCC Culinary Club

Cecile Asselin & Sue Blais Mother & Daughter

Airline pilots make many friends in high places.

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Pay Scale

I hear that exercise kills germs. But how do you get the little buggers to exercise?

Submitted by Jimbo

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

Pick a Proven Winner Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.

Choose one with a proven track record!

Rollie Heckethorn:

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied old John, “There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

Rollie Heckethorn

Office: 729-7297 Cell: 344-0007

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988 • Past President of the Androscoggin Board of Realtors • 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year • Assisting buyers & sellers of residential, commercial & investment properties all over the state of Maine

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction

The Hannaford Hotties!

Trina Bedard, Chris “Sassy” Moore, Ben Convery, Tanya Belanger & Brent Hamel

777-3339

“That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied old rancher John.

I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them when I realized that for me, it was basically cannibalism.

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REMOTE STARTERS 216 Center Street, Auburn

Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building

soundeffectsmaine.com I wish for your life to be like toilet paper. Long and useful.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

WOW!

Don’t spend $18+ at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for $

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction at the Hilton Garden Inn in Auburn

12

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Bar & Grille

Lunch for $3.99!

Jill & Joe Drew The Winery Baker

Mon.-Fri. 11am - 3pm

Now taking reservations for Holiday Parties!

Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool

Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock or Home-Made Chicken Tenders Served with one side: Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans, Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com

Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

e o m r d o l l o R E FALL SCHts E- AgDesU20L + 7:30-10pm

Thursday Nigh 30 - 10:00 - All Skating 7: Friday Nights m 4p nday - 1:30 Saturday & Su 30 - 10pm 7: t gh Ni ts - Family Saturday Nigh 30 - 10pm - All SK8 • 7: Sunday Night

Available for private parties

Since 1954

Chef Kevin Cunningham Marché Kitchen & Wine Bar

Where Good Skaters Meet

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Streakers repant, your end is in sight.

Chef Jon Cunningham Gritty McDuff’s of Auburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

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Out ’n About at the Rollodrome

Turkeys will have 3,500 feathers at maturity.

For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser for Aimee Driscoll.

Aimee is an amazing young lady recovering from a double lung transplant.

To donate and learn more, visit aimeescause.org

Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms Snow is right around the corner... come see us for your winter fun loans!

Rachel Potvin

Call Dane, Michele or Ken today!

Shelby Rucker

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

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www.GreatFallsfcu.com Turkey has more protein than chicken or beef.

New Talent

A 15 pound turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Family Friendly Dentist

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

~ Right in Your Backyard ~ Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997

“Doctor,” says the man excitedly, and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands.

“Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?”

Accepting New Patients!

James F. Weigand, DDS

“I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.

General Dentistry 364 Maine Street Poland Spring • 998-4587 (Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122) Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm

“That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”

Most Insurances Accepted

Confucius Says: House without bathroom is uncanny

Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS 1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801 AndroscogginOrtho.com

Those who build roofs are so inclined.

A Full Service Salon 1117 Center St., Auburn (behind Met Life) • 784-3522

I can't believe it happened. The other day I jogged backward and put on eight pounds!

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When I went to the dentist for some root canal work, I lost my nerve.

GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC! GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE! Offering lessons in: • Guitar Authorized Service Center

Instrument Sales & Service

Little Known Fact TV dinners have Thanksgiving to thank.

In 1953, someone at Swanson misjudged the number of frozen turkeys it would sell that Thanksgiving -- by 26 TONS! Some industrious soul came up with a brilliant plan: Why not slice up the meat and repackage it with some trimmings on the side? Thus, the first TV dinner was born!

• Piano • Banjo • Upright Bass

• Voice • Violin

• Electric Bass • Mandolin • Brass & Woodwinds

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

A bath is something you take when you find yourself in hot water.

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION! ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...

ANY PROBLEM...

NO PROBLEM!

Come join the family!

• Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

333-0364

Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve

Upon removing his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell defeat.

Come see us at our NEW Location!

We’re now at 61 Mill Street in Auburn (in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

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The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat.

It's watching what other people eat.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

*Holiday Special*

Every Friday

Ship Any Bakery Item to Family & Friends & Receive 20% OFF Your Online Orders!

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ($7.50) and get the 2nd dozen at half price!

Take Home For The Holidays Our Famous Mini Pastry Platters

$

11.25 for both

Must Use Code: “UncleAndy s”

17/2 dozen 39/5 dozen

$ $

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston

Mon. 6am-noon Tues-Fri 6am-3pm

784-7042

LabadiesBakery.com

An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and dessert.

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser for Aimee Driscoll.

I have an awesome family!

A fresh perspective for Lewiston!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.com Paid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

Aimee Driscoll with her dad, Dan Brooks Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

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SHOP LOCAL THINK LOCAL Main Street Market in Sabattus is not your ordinary convenience store. Walk in and you’re greeted by smiling, friendly people who obviously enjoy what they do.

You’ll find an extensive takeout menu, groceries, ice cold beer, fresh meats and a whole lot more!

Meet the owner operator, Brad Veilleux, and you’ll sense a caring attitude who aims to please his customers and listens to their needs.

Spend any amount of time inside Main Street Market and you might think Norm from Cheers is going to walk through the door at any minute. “We have lots of regulars who stop here daily. It’s a destination,” says Brad. “A number of customers come here even when it might be out of their way.”

Our neighborhoods are defined by the businesses that thrive within them. Small business owners are people who live locally and are more invested in our future. Now, more than ever, it’s important to think local and shop local.

Make Main Street Market your regular stop. You won’t be disappointed! ~Customer Testimonials~ Nice little convenient store, friendly workers. Owner is always willing to order products that customers ask for. Wide beer selection, and it is always very cold. Delicious food, hot and cold sandwiches, fresh dough pizza and a large fried food selection. Salad sandwiches are all homemade fresh daily, and are so good, especially the chicken salad. This store has many goods, always has what you need at fair prices. – Dana in Sabattus Great price on coffee!! Only $.99 for a large I'll make this my only stop before work.

– Brandon in Litchfield

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

SHOPPING LOCAL Means Everything to Us!

Try anything on our huge menu, you won’t be disappointed!

We have fun, I’m not gonna lie! Come check us out.

We L OVE supporting our local:

• Sports Teams • Athletic Clubs • Schools • Fundraisers

“Try us once, you’ll be a regular!”

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!

2 Main Street, Sabattus

375-8502

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

$

3 OFF

ANY LARGE PIZZA! Limit one per customer (UAD) Expires 11.30.14

"Life is like an ice-cream cone: You have to learn to lick it!" – Charlie Brown

Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the United States.

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser for Aimee Driscoll.

Lewiston Middle School Parent-Teacher Organization is collecting Box Tops this year.

If YOU have Box Tops that you’d like to donate to our school please mail them to: Lewiston Middle School, 75 Central Ave., Lewiston, ME, 04240 or drop them off at the school office.

We Appreciate Your Support!

740-6316

Hours:Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4 Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12

Your Hometown Barber Walk-Ins! Welcome

10.00 CUTS

$

184 Turner St. Auburn (Parking in the Back) *Next to Coastal T-shirts The average weight of a turkey purchased at Thanksgiving is 15 pounds.

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Out ’n About at the Rollodrome

The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.

Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

SUNDAY

MONDAY

Baked Ziti

The Fergy sm $

2.50 lg $ 5.00

$

6.00

Julie Girard

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

We live in an absolutely amazing community!

1 topping $

2.99 2 toppings $3.99

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Meatball Subs

Spaghetti Dinners

sm $

3.35 lg $ 6.50

w/ch $3.99 w/ch

$

7.50

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $

5.25

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EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50 On November 1, 1968: The movie ratings system is first implemented by Hollywood.

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Patti Gagne

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November 2014

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272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls Prime360Training.com • 577-5979

BJ Grondin, CSCS

Each year, the average American eats somewhere between 16 - 18 pounds of turkey.

Prince played 27 different instruments on his debut album For You.

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction at the Hilton Garden Inn in Auburn

with Jacob & Danny of The Dapper Gents Duo

Local Bands Every Friday 4-5pm and L/A’s Got Talent... Sign Up at LAAlerts.com for schedule

The Dean of Maine Radio... Dave Dean Jacob McCurdy

Photos courtesy of Haines Photography

Turn the page for the November band line-up!

To see our full schedule, sign up at LAAlerts.com.

Also, check our Facebook page: Z1055

Brought to you by:

Hear it on:

Remove the center spread and hang on your wall!

Watch for more local bands coming each month in Uncle Andy’s Digest!!

David Bowie has a lizard tattooed on his ankle.

Danny Rand Listening to music while working out measurably improves physical performance.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 23

Lunch Break

You don't like the original version of a song because it's better. You like it because it's the one you heard first.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania.

At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

“Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.”

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“Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser for Aimee Driscoll.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?”

“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle?”

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Your heartbeat changes and mimics the music you listen to.

Ron Chicoine, MD for County Commissioner

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November 2014

783-7039

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On November 2, 1920: The first crew arrives at the International Space Station.

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Call us for more information @ 577-6000 On November 3, 1913: An income tax is first introduced in the USA.

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& Lew Zidle Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 27

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” – Andy Borowitz

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction Great job big sister!

WHEN YOU’RE TIRED OF THIS...

Victoria, Catherine & Christine Tanous Catherine is the Community Director for the March of Dimes Maine and was the point person for the event.

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Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasante Silent Auction connoisseurs Paul won an authentic autographed Tom Brady Football.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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November 2014

783-7039

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On November 3, 1924: Nellie Ross of Wyoming becomes the first woman governor in the U.S.

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

Did You Hear?

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

Has Made the List!

Pauline & Don Larrivee

Why Join Carbonite’s Contact Center?

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Technical Support begins at $13 per hour BENEFITS BEGIN YOUR FIRST DAY OF WORK Lots of growth opportunities once you master your job On-site game room and Canteen Micro Market

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www.carbonite.com/jobs Did you hear about the unruly circus driver? He refused to tow the lion.

Pauline & Dan Larrivee Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 29

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“Thanksgiving is the home version of an “all-you-can-eat” buffet.” – Melanie White

Pride and Joy Submitted by Thomas Hill

The family was viewing old slides and one flashed on the screen that caught everyone’s attention. My father, wearing his favorite golf shirt, was holding me at the tender age of three weeks.

The look on his face told all. “There’s my prize possession,” my father said.

Touched, I smiled at him as he continued, “I wonder whatever happened to that golf shirt?”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 31

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.

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There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

Karen Shaw, Northeast Bank; Katie Currie, Bates College & Greg Begin, K&K Excavation

Kyle, C

arole,

Trevor, Kyle, Aimee & Dan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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November 2014

783-7039

Aimee

& Trev

or

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment... halftime.

Mom’s Thanksgiving diet tip: Don’t be a turkey and eat like such a pig.

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

The perfect way to get back at a man for forgetting Valentine’s Day is to forget to cook Thanksgiving dinner.

Don Larrivee

Chris

tine, & De Rachel niege

4 Generations of the Larrivee’s: Alice, Don, Rachel & Christine On November 6, 1860: Abraham Lincoln is elected the 16th President of the United States

Masen Hinson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

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Submitted by Thomas Hill

Paula had been driving all night and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost ten o'clock in the morning and she was extremely fatigued. After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull into a rest area. Paula switched off the engine and closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

As she did an old man in a bright yellow jogging tracksuit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death.

“Sorry to wake you, ma'am,” he huffed, jogging on the spot, “But can you tell me what time it is?”

On November 7, 1965: The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials.

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The old man thanked her, then left.

Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been so dead tired, she may have found them attractive. (continued on page 36)

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November 2014

783-7039

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In the U.S., about 280 million turkeys are sold for the Thanksgiving celebrations.

Paula glanced at her watch. “10:00,” she answered through the window.

“Just my luck,” she muttered. “I'm parked on someone's jogging route.” With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried again to fall asleep.

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(continued from page 34)

Now, they were just annoying.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming my parents.

“Hi,” said the first.

“Do you have the time?” his fair-haired friend asked.

Paula let out a big sigh and said, looking at her watch. “10:08.”

“Thanks,” they smiled as they jogged off.

Paula looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Now irritated, she found a pen from the glove box and scrawled: “I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME” on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep.

Soon a thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she had started dozing off.

Paula pointed at the sign and shouted, “For goodness sake, can't you read?”

To which he replied, “Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's 10:15.”

My parents used to stuff me with candy when I was a kid.

M&M’s, Jujubes, SweeTarts. I don’t think they wanted a child; I think they wanted a piñata.

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November 2014

783-7039

Murphy was an optimist.

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Past Board Chair, Ray Lagueux & Diane Marquis Monaghan

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A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.

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I am at one with my duality.

Submitted by Jimbo

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A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.

Claire, after retiring from a busy life in business, travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains.

One day she goes to an antique shop just outside Boston.

Here, Claire speaks to Victoria, the shop's owner: “When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer.

I'd like to buy it.”

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K and Halloween Bash

Angie Snow

“Sorry,” replied Victoria, “but I can't possibly sell you that.”

“Oh, what a pity, but why not?” inquired Claire.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 39

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

and Halloween Bash

Richelle Wallace & Laura Peterson

What a lot of fun to go along with some amazing food!

Can we come back for my birthday?

The Sea 40 Experience Chris, Johannah, Kayleigh & Madisyn Oberg Their first visit to Sea 40 as they celebrated Johannah’s birthday.

There is no problem a good miracle can’t solve.

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Inner Peace Submitted by Thomas Hill

Jimbo’s therapist told him that the way to achieve true inner peace was to remember to always finish what he started.

G N I T C E T O R P What You Love.

What You Do. ish..

What You Cher

Jimbo has finished two bags of potato chips, a gallon of ice-cream, two buckets of chicken, and a chocolate cake.

He feels much better already.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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November 2014

783-7039

232 Center St., Auburn

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If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.

I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.

New Auburn Social Club Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at New Auburn Social Club!

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039 New Auburn Social Election November 11th

THANKSGIVING DINNER (Local Charity) Open to the Public

November 22nd 4 – 5:30pm Turkey, Ham, Baked Potato & all the fixings!

Mark Your Calendar!

Join us at the United New Auburn Association monthly meeting, the last Tuesday of the month at Rolly’s Diner with special guest speakers.

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

The one that didn’t get away...

Devin Carrier takes a great selfie at the Hoover Dam

Daddy, I think this should be the dress code for all Roopers employees.

Jim Mathon on Cochnewagon Lake in Monmouth, shows off his catch which was 4.2 lbs.

Isaak St. Laurent “He who angers you conquers you.” – Elizabeth Kenny

is the son of Jesse St. Laurent, who works at Roopers

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Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Goethe

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Alison Darling Cassiel’s Salon and Spa is expanding its staff again. They are pleased to announce that Alison Darling has joined their dynamic team of hair stylists.

Most recently Alison worked for the J.C. Penny’s Salon. Like so many of our talented stylists, Miss Darling graduated from Mr. Bernards School of hair fashion.

Alison is a well-rounded stylist specializes in men’s and women’s cuts, facial waxing, manicures and pedicures.

In addition her hard work at the Spa, Alison is active in continuing her education attending classes locally. “Another great addition to our staff,” says Owner Diane Dubois. “Come make an appointment with Alison and enjoy not only a great hair cut but also a relaxing spa experience.”

Cassiel’s which opened in 1994 is a full service Salon noted for its beautiful, warm and inviting atmosphere and it’s broad range of expert services.

Alison is now available for appointments and invites her friends, family and former clients to join her at Lewiston Auburn’s loveliest location – Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71 East Ave, in Lewiston. See their ad on page 45.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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November 2014

783-7039

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Hammer Time

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” – Socrates

Submitted by Jimbo

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A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with threatening to attack your boss with a hammer.”

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“You jerk!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with threatening to attack a bartender with a hammer,” says the judge.

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“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash

“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

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Pushy Submitted by Thomas Hill

Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah’s Ark, a flea jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant.

The pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, “I knew it! Here they go with the pushing and shoving!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 43

Cassiel’s Adds Massage Therapist

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family”

Now ex our serv panding ic Midcoas es to the t Region !

Assisting Families since 1997.

• • • • •

Heather Kern Heather M. Kern has joined the growing team of massage therapists at Cassiel’s Salon and Spa. Formerly Miss Kern worked with HealthQuest, Lake Mary & the Bixon Chiropractic Center.

Heather is a very experienced and highly skilled massage therapist with training in five distinct areas of massage; Swedish, Neuromuscular, Deep Tissue, Myofascial, and Sports Massage. She also practices the Adams – Strain/counterstrain technique.

Following the Cassiel’s employee development standard Heather is constantly active in continuing her education. “We are lucky to have this experienced woman on our staff,” says Owner Diane Dubois.

“Come make an appointment with Heather and enjoy either a relaxing, healing or invigorating massage.”

Cassiel’s which opened in 1994 is a full service Salon noted for its beautiful, warm and inviting atmosphere and it’s broad range of expert services.

Heather is now available for appointments and invites her friends, family and former clients to join her at Lewiston Auburn’s loveliest location – Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71 East Ave. in Lewiston. See their ad on page 45.

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Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash

rris

Emily Ha

Grayson

Landry

If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44

November 2014

783-7039

rchill

Joan Chu

On November 8, 1960: John F. Kennedy is elected as the youngest U.S. President in history.

When the shoe salesman offered me Velcro shoes, I said, "Sure, why knot?"

Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing is fluffy and when you're done eating you'll be nice and stuffy.

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On November 9, 1887: The United States receives rights to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.

Anxious Submitted by Thomas Hill

Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”

Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”

Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”

A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.”

The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with November 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 45

I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.

FOR DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION MORE YOUR $$ 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 Located in the building behind Dad’s Place Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

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The divers had to be careful, the octopus was heavily armed.

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K and Halloween Bash

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction

Hey honey, let’s go to Jamaica... (again)

Stephanie, Sophia & Rich Asselin Local Ambassador Family

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46

November 2014

783-7039

I'm not very versed in writing songs, so I refrain from doing it.

Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004

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If your car’s paint should fear, It’s because winter is almost here

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I was overruled at the measuring competition.

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