UAD October 2014

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST IT WORKS!

FREE

.com

October 2014

Book Now and SAVE $25 on All Remote Starters $

17,995 2008 JEEP Commander Limited

*Discount expires 11/15/14 Must present this ad for savings

*Many more vehicles available, stop in & check us out!

4x4, Sunroof, Leather, DVD, 5.7L

1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com

Armandsab@aol.com

Famous Last Words

In 2005, a fortune cookie company correctly foretold lottery numbers, resulting in 110 winners and an investigation.

Submitted by Jimbo

My wife still uses curlers in her hair after she washes it.

The other night she came into the Family Room as I was watching TV. I guess I stared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair."

The last thing I remember saying was, "Oh, really? And what time does it go off?"

Transplant Submitted by Thomas Hill

A new arrival, about to enter the hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

“Excuse me,” he said, “have you lost something?”

“No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for a tax collector and want to find a suitable stone.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

2

October 2014

783-7039

Dr. Seuss invented the word ‘nerd’.

I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

October 2014 Saturday, Oct 4th Member Appreciation Day 11am – 1pm (Chapter 14346) Modern Woodmen Office, 184 Webster St, Lewiston FOR MEMBERS ONLY – NO GUESTS

There is No Charge for this activity but tickets are required and need to be picked up ahead of time at the office.

October 4th thru 31st Pumpkin Land (Chapter 10929) Saturday/Sundays 11am – 6pm Harvest Hill Farm, 125 Pigeon Hill Rd, Rt 26 Mechanic Falls Adults $3; Kid’s $7 (16/under includes pumpkin) Sunday, Oct 5th Sabattus American Legion Post 135

Breakfast 7:30am – 10am (Chapter 8609) Island Rd, Sabattus

$5 Member; $6 Guest Thursday, Oct 9th Center Street Café 7am – 10am (Chapter 12907) 945 Center St, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Wednesday, Oct 15th Schemengee’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest

Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston

Art Chamberlain 207-514-7003 Lewiston

Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston

Saturday, Oct 18th KC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 4:30-5:30pm (Chapter 8228) 8 Sacred Heart Place, Auburn $5 Member; $6 Guest Wednesday, Oct 22nd Grid Iron 4pm - 7pm (Chapter 8629) 1657 Lisbon St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest Sunday, Oct 26th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $5 Member; $6 Guest; Child / 10 free

Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick

Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston

Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway

Deb Wagemann* 207-783-8804 Auburn

Wednesday, Oct 29th Dubois Café 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 12749) 906 Sabattus St, Lewiston $5 Member; $6 Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed.

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

There are twelve months in the year. That’s kind of cool, because it makes life a little more predictable.

************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

If you’re only as old as you feel, how come I can’t retire yet?

AFFORDABLE DENTURES Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Staff Also see us for:

JIMBO

• Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures • Partial Dentures • Rebases • Relines • Repairs • All work done in house,

Gramps

TIM Great Gramps

MAGGIE Great Aunt

THOMAS Grump

PAM

including metal frameworks

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Great Mom

GENE-O Great Pepere

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com

UncleAndys.com While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4

October 2014

783-7039

I don’t mind taking a risk, as long as I know everything will turn out okay.

If I go on Wheel of Fortune, I’m sneakin’ in vowels under my jacket.

No way I’m gonna pay $250, especially for a "U"

Out ’n About at the Central Maine Heart Walk at the Hilton Garden Inn on September 14th

Who you gonna call?

185 Webster St., Lewiston • 783-0200

Celebrating Our

I’m calling Ghost Busters!

All October!

• Weekly Prize Give-Aways • Pick up your much needed products (already the lowest prices in town) PLUS take an extra 15% OFF!!

• New Clients - Book with Pauline or Deb (Cut & Color) & Ask Ab receive $20.00 OFF (Must mention ad) out

Our Re fer Progra ral m

Kim & Lisa want to extend a special THANK YOU! Your support & trust has made us successful, & we will continue to guarantee great work & the BEST customer service in the area!

There’s no time like the present. But a couple of minutes ago probably bore a striking similarity.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com

5

Out ’n About at the Central Maine Heart Walk

Never answer an anonymous letter.

NO TRICKS, J

at the Hilton Garden Inn on September 14th

at Back Forty Used C

I may like a cookie once in a while and I may look like a monster, but I walk it off everyday...

2008 Toyota Tundra

2009 Toyota Venza

2010 Toyota 4Runner SRS

2011 Toyota Avalon Limited

SR5, 4.7L, Double Cab 66k

3.5L, V6, AWD, 43k

4.0L V6 Auto, 39k

Black, 37k, Automatic

our price

our price

our price

our price

$29,995

$23,995

$19,995 $23,995 2011 Ford Explorer XLT

2012 Ford Focus SE

2013 Volkswagen

Passat SE

2011 Nissan Murano SL

3.5L, V6, Red Candy Metallic, 75k

Red, 51k, auto, FWD, 36mpg

2.5L, Auto., 18k

Silver, 3.5L, V6, 43k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$20,995

$14,995

$20,995

$23,995

Paul Dumont Pumpkin Head Submitted by Thomas Hill

We bought a pumpkin big and round, that lived the summer through. Without an eye to look at things, and now it looks through two.

It used to be all dark inside when growing on the vine, but now it has a toothy smile and face that's full of shine.

– Aileen Fisher Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6

October 2014

783-7039

"So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help.

Oh… did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

JUST TREATS

Out ’n About at the Central Maine Heart Walk at the Hilton Garden Inn on September 14th

That’s right, I still got it!

Car & Truck Center 2012 Toyota Camry LE

2011 Hyundai Sonata GLS

2010 NIssan Maxima S

2010 Toyota Tacoma

Gray, Automatic, 36k

2.4L, 4cyl., FWD, Auto., 37k

3.5L V6, Black, 27k

Base Double Cab, 4.0, V6, Manual, 55k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$16,998

$17,995

$19,995

$24,995

2011 Buick LaCrosse CXL

2012 Honda Accord EX

2012 Toyota Tundra Grade

2012 Scion XB

3.6L, V6, FWD, Auto., 77k

2.4L, Auto, Silver, 23k

Crew Cab, 5.7L, 4WD, 21k

2.4L, FWD, 10k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$16,995

$19,995

$33,595

$16,995

"You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in horse poop."

Bob Booth

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com

7

Out ’n About at Wallingford’s

Life is too complicated in the morning.

An apple a day keeps the teachers at bay.

I should be good for a while, huh?

Abby Martel

Cora Younk Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8

October 2014

783-7039

Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

Have an upcoming event?

Consider Dad’s Place!

WE DO:

Weddings • Reunions Lobster Feeds • BBQ’s and More!

Indoors • Outdoors • We do it all!!

Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Dad’s Place Catering Division 345-9009

DadsPlace.info

FREE

COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday.

Expires 10.31.14

ONLY There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

$5

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Weekend Pass Submitted by Thomas Hill

Three professional people die, a doctor, a school teacher and the head of a large HMO. They were met at the pearly gates by St. Peter and he asks the Doctor, “What did you do on Earth?”

The Doctor replied, “I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free.”

St. Peter told the Doctor, “You may go in.”

St. Peter then asked the Teacher what she did. She replied, “I taught educationally challenged children.”

St. Peter then told her “You may go in.”

St. Peter asked the third man, “What did you do?”

The man hung his head and replied, “I ran a large HMO.” To which St. Peter replied, “You may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.”

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Thomas to Jimbo: I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

r ar! u O Ye th 19

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

Mike Morin

Out ’n About at the 10th Annual Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney Master Burger Chef,

Dick DuBois

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10

October 2014

783-7039

$24.95 Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

Come join the fun next year!

Ten years running Dick DuBois has manned the grill for the Habitat for Humanity golf tournament. When asked what his secret was to his tasty burgers, Dick smiled, and in his best Bill Belichick form, refused to answer the question. “If I tell you that, Jimbo, I might lose my job.” See you next year, master burger man!

Gotta LOVE the Chick!

Boiled Lobster Dinners ∞ Fresh Steamer Clams ∞ Fresh Fried Whole Belly Clams Fried, Baked, Broiled Seafood Entrées ∞ Awesome Salad Selections Lobster Stew ∞ Fish Chowder ∞ Sandwiches ∞ Lobster Subs ∞ Kids Menu

Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

OIL CHANGE

Winter is right around the corner! Call Now to have your vehicle serviced before snow flies!

You’re gonna love it!

of Lewiston

Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage - We do it!

Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches?

We got it!

Platters for 15 or 30 people?

We do it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com

He who shouts the loudest has the floor.

Call for more info.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

782-0831

FLOORING & KITCHEN www.shermarnolds.com Our Mon. - Fri. 8am - 6pm Thurs. Open til 7pm Sat. 8am - 5pm

E R O T S T E L NEW OUT

Hindsight is an exact science.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 11

Out ’n About at Wallingford’s OMG, Hot apple cider is soooo good!!

History is the science of what never happens twice.

PROTECT WHAT YOU LOVE! BEFORE

AFTER

dule Sche ool p your now! g in clos

Alison Darling Apples, what a great invention!

You love your pool and the backyard memories it creates. We help protect children and pets from unwanted situations and give peace of mind while you’re away.

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 or 1-800-244-0858 Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4 • www.abcpool.com

I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

Shadow Darling

Jacinta Poulin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12

October 2014

783-7039

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Trust everybody… Then cut the cards.

Vote Online NOW! 2014 “Best of the Best!”

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park a fundraiser for the Special Olympics

Greater Lewiston/Auburn

BestOfSurveys.com MarketSurveysOfAmerica.com

VOTE

GKMSurveys.com

NOW!

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20th Annual Best Businesses for 2014 will be announced right here in Uncle Andy’s Digest later this year!

Richard Gosselin

Market Surveys of America Two heads are more numerous than one.

Straight Talk. Practical Solutions.

We speak a language YOU understand!

Ask About Home Visits!

We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.

Ca

Jen Bates

ll for y our FR EE consult ation!

The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.

207-786-0346 184 Webster Street, Lewiston LewistonMaineLawyers.com All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Bessie Vermette Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 13

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park a fundraiser for the Special Olympics

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors ." – Joe King

Pick a Proven Winner Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.

Choose one with a proven track record!

POPCORN FUN!

Rollie Heckethorn:

1.

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988 • Past President of the Androscoggin Board of Realtors • 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year • Assisting buyers & sellers of residential, commercial & investment properties all over the state of Maine

Toss it high...

Office: 729-7297 Cell: 344-0007

Rollie Heckethorn

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park

2.

Catch it every time.

Cotton candy melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

Chew throughly.

3.

Kenny, Marc, Jayme, George, John, Susette & Roger

It’s that October feeling...

Chilly mornings & frost on the windshield. Call us to get your vehicle winterized today!

Mother & daughter,

Kathy & Rileigh Landry If you don't trust doctors then buy this new product.

It's a home surgery kit called "Suture Self".

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14

October 2014

783-7039

Tony Girouard Owner

k! than you thin We’re closer ute drive in m 5 a ly We’re on on. ada in Lewist from the Ram

353-9862 183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon qualitycareautorepair.com

COMPLIMENTARY Starting & charging system evaluation with ANY service in the month of October!

✃

Expires 10.31.14

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

Seminar Funnies

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

WOW!

Don’t spend $18+ at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Lunch for $3.99!

Monday - Friday 11am - 3pm Bar & Grille

Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool

Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock or Home-Made Chicken Tenders Served with one side: Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans, Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com

Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

e m r o o d l o l R ight 90’s N

ALL AGES

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet

th 7:30 - 10pm • October 12 Sunday Night ndation Available for private parties ances Fou Second Ch it to Benef

LL

AIMEE DRISCO

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!

Submitted by Jimbo

A group of women were at a seminar on How to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

They were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." They were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses.

Here are some of the replies: 1. Who is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

3. I love you too.

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What did you do now?

8. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 15

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park a fundraiser for the Special Olympics

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

JT REID’S Gun Show Sat., Oct. 11th • 9am - 5pm

Where: Ramada Inn • 490 Pleasant St, Lewiston Cost: $5/pp (Under 16 Free) Active Duty Military No Charge

Concealed firearms prohibited in show even with permit.

CALL FOR NEXT HAND GUN CLASS Betsy & Chelsea

J.T. REID’S GUNS We buy, sell & trade jtreidsgunshop.com

Full Line Gunsmith Service

86 Court St., Auburn 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat 777-3579 Male deer have buck teeth.

Allen & Andrea

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16

October 2014

783-7039

Don’t lend people money… It gives them amnesia.

Kaily Baril

Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

If you file it, you’ll know where it is but never need it. If you don’t file it, you’ll need it but never know where it is.

Expires10.31.14

BE BEAUTIFALL $

This Autumn enjoy...

20 OFF

Any chemical services with Kelly D. or Camille

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311 Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Ann

Kelly

Sue

Lysa

Kelly D.

Camille

We are a full service salon

Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer.

Eye Test Submitted by Jimbo

Family Friendly Dentist ~ Right in Your Backyard ~ Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997

Accepting New Patients!

When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague.

The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ. "Can you read that?" the doctor asked.

"Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister!"

James F. Weigand, DDS General Dentistry 364 Maine Street Poland Spring • 998-4587 (Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122 Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm

Most Insurances Accepted

If it doesn’t make sense, it’s either economics or psychology.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 17

"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying a grudge the other guy's out dancing." – Buddy Hackett

BOOK YOUR LESSONS NOW! • Guitar • Voice • Violin

• Piano • Bass • Banjo • Mandolin • Music Theory • Brass & Woodwinds

We also sell and service all types of instruments

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

Authorized Service Center

World’s Shortest Books THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

By Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

By Bill Clinton

World’s Shortest Books THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

By Bill Gates

376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to make reproductive organs.

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION! Come join the family!

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...

ANY PROBLEM...

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

333-0364

Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve

“Keep using My name in vain... I’ll make rush hour longer.” – God

Accepting

NEW Teaching at EVERY LEVEL

Students!

Come see us at our NEW Location!

We’re now at 61 Mill Street in Auburn (in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)

25 Mary St. Lewiston Email: dickdemersdrum@hotmail.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

18

October 2014

783-7039

786-6861

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

Beware of half truths . . . you may get the wrong half.

I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree.

Try our Seasonal Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Whoopie Pies ONLY $6.00 half dozen!

Donut Special Every Friday Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ($7.50) and get the 2nd dozen at half price! $ 11.25 for both Mon. 6am-noon Tues-Fri 6am-3pm

Pumpkin Whoopie Pies...

YUM!

784-7042

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston

www.labadiesbakery.com

Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.

CREATE YOUR OWN BACKYARD OASIS!

!

E L A S B U T T O H

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park a fundraiser for the Special Olympics

Save up to $3,000!

HUGE Selection!

Endless Family Enjoyment Priced Right!

Karen Morris-Arsenault

SWIMMING POOLS

Monday - Friday 9-5; Saturday 9-4

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 786-4256 • ricksswimmingpools.com The skeleton wouldn’t cross the road, He just didn't have the guts for it.

with her son, Rene Tassinari Rene won two gold medals and one bronze medal in last year’s Special Olympics at Sugar Loaf!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 19

Out ’n About at Liquid Sunshine

I just saw Dracula water skiing on Lake Erie, pulled by a blood vessel.

TRICK OR TREAT

for a Dempsey Challenge Car Wash Fundraiser

Come TREAT yourself to the best pizza in town! ce, “Try us on regular!” you’ll be a

Brad & Angie

Josh McGerigle Car wash volunteer

Biking 50 miles for the Dempsey Challenge is a walk in the park, comparatively speaking of course.

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!

$

3 OFF

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

ANY LARGE PIZZA!

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

Limit one per customer (UAD) Expires 10.31.14

Pumpkin pie, if rightly made, is a thing of beauty and a joy - while it lasts.

SPRQ COMMUNITY DAY! Friday, October 31st 5-9PM

SPRQ Instructors as well as local business collaborate to offer a one-stop Halloween

Becky Baril Car wash organizer

SPRQtacular Adventure!

Join us in the BACKYARD for the HAUNTED WALK!!

I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”

It is funny when my girlfriend gives me the “silent treatment.” She thinks it is a punishment.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

20

October 2014

783-7039

AND ALL FOR FREE! FITNESS

NEW N TIO LOCA

181 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • 375-6000 www.SPRQStudio.com

Sign at a local church: Church parking. Trespassers will be baptised.

With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents.

Our Great Loans Won’t Haunt You! Auto • Recreational • Personal Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!

NO Tricks!

Just Treats!

Lowest rates in the area!

We have the money to lend!

Out ’n About at Liquid Sunshine for a Dempsey Challenge Car Wash Fundraiser We were part of the Butler Bros. team and really enjoy the Maine Cycling Club.

Ron Baril Car wash organizer

Just call me Casper the Friendly Loan Officer!

Glad to donate to the cause and get a clean truck!

• Competitive Low Rates • Fast Approvals

Vehicle supplied by Emerson Chevrolet for photo shoot.

Jamie Mower of Ace Towing

• Extended Terms

Great Falls Federal Credit Union Two convenient locations: 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 or 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 GreatFallsfcu.com Restrictions & qualification apply

World’s Shortest Books THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

By Dennis Rodman

World’s Shortest Books THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

By Al Gore & John Kerry

A tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 21

Engine Trouble

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

Tuition Payments

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

SUNDAY

MONDAY

Baked Ziti

The Fergy sm $

2.50 lg $ 5.00

$

6.00

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

1 topping $

2.99 2 toppings $3.99

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Meatball Subs

Spaghetti Dinners

sm $

3.35 lg $ 6.50

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

w/ch $3.99 w/ch

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF

$

7.50

$

5.25

SATURDAY

Any Large Pizza

2 Ham or Salami Italians $7.99

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50

Submitted by Jimbo

"You're home now, you're safe." – Caring Baseball Umpire Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

22

October 2014

783-7039

272 Lewiston St. • Mechanic Falls • Prime360Training.com 577-5979 • GrondinFitness@gmail.com

Fall Fitness Challenge Over $ 350 in prizes!

Reinvent yourself this fall by participating in Prime360’s Fall Fitness

Challenge. The Challenge will begin on October 6th and will go for 8 weeks. The participants who lose the most weight/inches will win prizes AND start towards a healthier NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! See our website for more details. www.prime360training.com I've always pictured myself taking selfies.

Yesterday I was on the computer, I couldn't find the Esc and I lost Ctrl.

Paradis Joins Maine Auto Service

Mid Maine M Drug Screening & Investigations Full Service Drug Testin ng Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDrugScreening.com m

You don’t know...

Chad Paradis

unless you check. ck.

Tenant Screening Pr re-Em mployment State & Naational Criminal History

includes: • SSN verificcation/Address Verification e • InstaNation nal Criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Teerrorist Watch a List • Interpol / FBI F Most Waanted • Sex Offend der/V Viiolent Offender Search All States • Trrans Union n Credit Report w/ credit score • National Ev viction Check (Civil courtss, all states)

$

Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History includes: • SSN Veerification/Address Veerification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal Historry • Teerrorist Waatch List • Sex Offender/ Violent i Offender Search A All States • Interpol / FBI Most W Waanteed

O l Only

49 9.99 each

Other Se S rvices • Drug & Alcohol Testing e • Hair Follicle Testing e • DNA/Paaternity Teesting • Private Investigations I

• Pre-probation Drug Teestingg • Instant Drug Teest Kits & Su upplies • Trial r Preparation

Online Orders for Background checks R a backgorund check righ Run ht from your own computer!

Ask about quantity discounts!

P Pain Mangement Clinicss • Private Practices - R Rehab Centers Property Manageement Companies • Hosspitals

Call us for more information @ 577-6000 Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight.

But we're cool now.

Chad is a Lewiston native and graduate of Lewiston High School.

He got his start in automotive service at an early age, working with his dad. He is a member of the Maine Mud Bog Association, and participates in mud racing events up and down the east coast.

He comes to Maine Auto Service with over 12 years experience in the industry. He looks forward to carrying on the Maine Auto Service tradition of delivering outstanding customer service at great prices.

Find Chad at 510 Canal Street in Lewiston.

Call 333-6000 or visit maineautoservice.com to make an appointment.

See their ad on page 43 and take advantage of their coupon for a FREE state inspection in October.

If there was a way to read a woman’s mind, I am not sure I would want to. I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I am annoying.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 23

Out ’n About at the Lisbon FCU Member Appreciation Day GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!

It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

Did You Hear?

Has Made the List!

Why Join Carbonite’s Contact Center?

I really am feeling appreciated right now.

Selected as one of Maine’s Best places to Work 2014!

Technical Support begins at $13 per hour BENEFITS BEGIN YOUR FIRST DAY OF WORK Lots of growth opportunities once you master your job On-site game room and Canteen Micro Market

NOW HIRING TECHNICAL SUPPORT REPRESENTATIVES IN LEWISTON As a Support Representative, you will be helping our customers become familiar with our products and services while increasing their confidence in our brand. You will be responsible for responding to incoming support requests via email, chat and telephone.

SOUND LIKE YOU? • You love new technologies, and are usually one of the first to try new gadgets • You are a self-learner, able to figure out problems and prioritize customer needs • You truly enjoy helping people, and can easily build customer rapport • You have outstanding organizational abilities with strong attention to details • You navigate through ability to toggle and / or manipulate several programs • Should be comfortable interacting with customers via phone, email or chat • Technical aptitude with willingness and ability to learn all aspects of our product

DO YOU HAVE? • Customer service experience with excellent oral & written communications skills • Strong technical aptitude required with the desire to learn all you can about our product • High school diploma or GED required • Ability to problem solve and think critically • Professional phone demeanor • Must be able to type at least 25-30 words per minute • We are open 7 days a week, 8:30am to 9:30 pm.

• Schedules will include at least one day on the weekend - Must be able to support hours of operation APPLY ONLINE:

www.carbonite.com/jobs Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

24

October 2014

783-7039

Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the snake and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Church sign: Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.

Largest Washers in L/A LA U N D RO MA T • C L EA NERS • COIN-OP

Behind Rite Aid off Union Street Bypass

FREE Wi-Fi

y k c a W

Wash & Dry Service

6-9pm 50¢ OFF All Washers!

Only $1.00

s y a d s e Wedn

per pound

10 lb to 80 lb capacity

Our customers say, “Beal’s is the cleanest Laundromat in L/A!” LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

51 Hampshire St. Auburn

784-8581

Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

Out ’n About at Wallingford’s Natalie Poulin, Shadow Darling & Abby Martel

Abby Martel, Sara & Cora Younk

Ron Chicoine, MD for County Commissioner

I ask for your vote November 4th “On Call for Lewiston.”

312-5478 9 Acadia Ave. Lewiston

Tues./Thurs./Fri. 9-5 Sat. 8-12noon Sun./Mon./Wed. Closed

Paid for and authorized by the candidate.

I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 25

Out ’n About at the 10th Annual Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney There was a 3-way tie for best putting form.

Every time I click on my drafts folder a window opens: it's cool!

2014 Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney winning team...

We know, we were surprised too!

This is how it happened...

Rudy’s perfect putting form

Jimbo’s Happy Gilmore shot

Mike’s famous flop shots

Joe’s 300 yard drives

Rudy Langlier, Jimbo Marston, Mike Adkins & Joe Adkins

TEAM UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST Reading the greens like a book.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26

October 2014

783-7039

finished at 11 under par!

r a e y t x e n k c We’ll be ba n o p u l e u f and e l t i t r u o d to defen ous m a f d l r o w is’ Dick DuBo ers! g r u b e s e e ch One day I'll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.

Out ’n About at the Lisbon FCU Member Appreciation Day

Men have feelings, too. For example, we feel hungry.

Lisbon FCU’s Vanna White

Lisbon FCU rocks!

See next page for the October band line-up!

Pick a prize...

Ok, I think I’ll take cash!

Re cent move th e hang r sprea e d an on y Watc d our h for wall more comi ! loca ng

eac lb e An h month ands dy’s Dige in st!!

Uncl

Church sign: Under same management for over 2,000 years.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 27

CA LL TH E P R O S Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family” es to the Now expanding our servic Midcoast Region! re about See page __ to learn mo the services we offer.

We Furnish Solutions!

• 5,000 Top-Quality Items • Guaranteed Low Prices • On-Time Delivery • Professional Installation • Space Planning • New, Used & Remanufactured

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

AFFORDABLE OFFICE SOLUTIONS Maine’s OFUSA Dealer

www.cubiclesinmaine.com

783-4820 Toll Free 866-464-CUBE

Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

Open Year Round • Driveways • Patios • Walkways

• Porches • Steps • Poolscapes

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356

Walking Analogy

A letter carrier career is a mail dominated profession.

Submitted by Jimbo

I was scrambling for another egg joke, but I can't seem to whip one up.

Guess I'm a bit fried.

This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”

Yea, though I walk through the valley, I will fear no evil: FOR I AM ARMED AND TRAINED! Visit our website for our FALL Schedule!

The friend asks, “How so?”

“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

30

October 2014

783-7039

Instruction Education • Training • Confidence Don Mailhot NRA - Law Enforcement

576-5131

Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight

212-0608

rdtacticalhandgun.com

Church sign: Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?

CA LL T H E P R O S Carla & Co.

Paul Mitchell Focus Salon

October Special!

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

NEW CLIENTS Book with Julie or Bree Receive 20% OFF Services 954 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 207.241.0205 • Carla Martin (Owner)

HARRIS BROTHERS

Bookkeeping Plus

PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

743-3891

Call us!

No Separating Required!

HARRIS BROS.

QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

We’re best buds and we love coming to Rolly’s to catch up!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn

753-0171 Barbara Anthoine & Janice Connors

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

HAPPY To remove slack from rope, one must be taut.

Best of Friends Submitted by Thomas Hill

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 31

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Day of Caring event

When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing Commercial & Residential SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING FREE QUOTES

SNOW REMOVAL

Morin avating exc

Andee

Inc.

Andy Morin 207.784.8293 cell: 207.576.4714 amorinexc@roadrunner.com

No matter where you go, there you are.

That’s right...

I’m too cute for words.

Kenzie, Corbin & Holly Frey Patrice Mathieu United Way

It’s been Monday all week.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32

October 2014

783-7039

The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He put a different spin on everything.

Church sign: Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back.

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Day of Caring event

A fresh perspective for Lewiston!

I ask for your vote on November 4th!

What matters for Lewiston, What matters for Maine • Welfare Reform • Education • Tax Burden • Citizen Voices

Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.com Paid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer

Don't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's just plane food.

This is so much fun!

If you're a gardener you might call yourself a 'plant manager'.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 33

Dufour joins Perfect Image Salon

If there's one person you don't want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence it's a judge.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

SIGN UP FOR A 2015 MEMBERSHIP NOW!

2 for 1 Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEE Christopher Dufour Award winning hair designer, Christopher Dufour has brought his expertise and talent to Perfect Image Hair Salon, Christopher has 15 years of experience and extensive training in the cosmetology industry.

See Christopher at Perfect Image Hair Salon, 336 Center Street in Auburn.

Call 777-1611 to make an appointment.

See their ad on page 47.

and

for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 10.31.14

Golf FREE

for the remainder of 2014 New membership plans include Young Adult 19-39. Call the shop or visit www.springmeadowsgolf.com for more details.

✃Expires 10.2

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

My karma ran over my dogma.

Out ’n About at SPRQ Studio at their new location in Sabattus I got this!

HELP! I think I’m stuck!!

Get their full line up of classes online: SPRQStudio.com

I am not picking you up!

How’s my form?

Check out SPRQ’s new home at 181 Sabattus Road.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34

October 2014

783-7039

Check out the SPRQ Studio ad on page 20 for a fun Halloween party.

They called him king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.

Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store 5 Locations for Your Convenience

Sabattus Street, Lewiston

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!

Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Main Street, Auburn

WHAT’S BREWING AND ALWAYS NEW YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS Minot Ave, Auburn

Beer Specials Bud Light Rita’s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 Miller Lite 9pk 16oz alum . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 Coors Light 16oz. alum . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 Twisted Tea 12pk (all varieties) . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 Becks 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99 Blue Moon 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14.99

Wine Specials Gnarly Head 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 Corbett Canyon 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10.99 New Item Bota Brick 1.5L . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 Menage a Trois 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 Naked Grape 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99 Smoking Loon 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99

Since 1992

Black Velvet 1.75ml $15.99 Save $4

Canadian Club 1.75ml $21.99 Save $4

Main Street, Lewiston Jack Daniels 750ml $19.99 Save $4

Jagermeister 750ml $19.99 Save $2

Text

& Win

tex to 41 t “Rooper 411 to s” enter

Bulleit Bourbon 750ml $24.99 Save $4

TASTINGS October 3rd, Main St. Lewiston 4-6pm Wicked Wines October 3rd, Main St. Auburn 4-6pm Woodchuck Hopsation October 17th, Main St. Lewiston 4-7pm Octoberfest

694 Main St. Lewiston • 782-1482

794 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-6353

Join our TEXT 2 WIN club @ Roopersbeverage.com 1420 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 333-3095

545 Minot Ave. Auburn • 783-2047

!

303-311 Main St. Auburn • 783-9098

Out ’n About at Liquid Sunshine

Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.

for a Dempsey Challenge Car Wash Fundraiser

Torrie Dulac with her daughter, Sadira Car wash volunteers (you can also find Torrie behind the bar at the Chick-a-dee in Lewiston)

Dave Theriault Car wash volunteer with his long-time friend, Flat Pat.

I chose my gastroenterologist based on gut feeling.

Lawyers wear law suits.

A Full Service Salon Sadira & Josh working hard to make this truck sparkle Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36

October 2014

783-7039

1117 Center St., Auburn (behind Met Life) • 784-3522 Those who study tornadoes have twistered minds.

An embrace at a nudist colony is a bare hug.

Brothers from different mothers right here...

Book Your Christmas Party Now in our NEW “Party” Room!

Come watch FOOTBALL with Us Every Sunday!

Football Sunday 1/2 Priced Appetizers (Eat In Only) Bud Light Drafts Sm. $2 Lg. $4

- EVERY TUESDAY 50¢ Wings IC SATURDAYS S U EM

LIV

er t a C S ’ C A Let M ent! v E t x e N Your r the Holidays!

Toby McAllister October 18th

Backwoods Road November 1st

W fo

Book NO

Mac’s Grill

October 4th

Jordan Kaulback Check out our Live Entertainment this month!

We’re grillin’ so you can be chillin’!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885

macsgrill.com

Line Up

The one thing that is constant is change especially if you are a cashier.

Submitted by Jimbo

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”

The man said, “I do Father.”

The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”

Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?”

“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.

“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”

The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38

October 2014

783-7039

You won't often catch loggers or farmers going against the grain.

Earl Grey was away on business during the election. So he cast an absent-tea ballot.

Winter is coming, get your vehicle ready!

Call for your appointment...

782-5500

Towing Discounts with shop repairs

Auto Repair • Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More Body Work • Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays • Custom Paint

Out ’n About at the 10th Annual Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney Our 10th Annual golf tourney was a big hit.

Thank you, everyone!

& More!

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn Kim Veilleux

My fear of planes has taken off.

Executive Director Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity shown here with her mom, Carol Butler.

You have to stop and smell the Black-eyed Susans once in a while.

Team Spectrum Occupational Therapy

Best Matching Shirts award

Carol Butler & Dana Cook

Team South Lewiston Baptist Church

Team Pepsi

Best Golf Apparel award

Coolest zippered sweat shirt award

Dear Jedi, Today is Halloween, there's never been a better time to join the Dark Side.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 39

Out ’n About at Schemengee’s Bar & Grill with Republic Jewelry

“Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” – Chinese Proverb

: U O Y G N I T C E PROT Is What We Do.

Claire & Ron Theriault s Kerrie Robbin Specialist

232 Center St., Auburn

nce

Commercial Insura

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

commercial

home

VarneyAgency.com

auto

recreational

umbrella

786-0417 life

Say no, then negotiate.

Dan & Dot Cunliffe

Colleen & Paul Erickson

Pat & Mike Higgins

Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches.

health

Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Benefit Spaghetti Dinner for Zoey Carlmark DINNER OCT. 11TH 4:30-6:30pm • $5.00 Live nt! ainme Entert

Zoey has Phelan-McDermid Syndrome

Thunder Road 7 - 11pm Raffles and 50/50 • Still accepting donations for raffle table Halloween Costume Party! • Friday October 31st Upcoming Event

Judging at 9pm • Live Entertainment - 4 Play 8pm - midnight

New Auburn Social Election November 11th Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage.

Topping Submitted by Jimbo

SET YOUR SAILS FOR TASTINESS Fresh Food • Fair Prices Weekly Specials “Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.

Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer. Alex, a little boy of nine was playing ball in his yard; he saw the farmer and asked: “What have you got in your trailer?”

“Manure,” farmer Smith replied.

Award Winning Chowder “What are you going to do with it?” asked Alex.

Family Owned for 3 Generations

Lounge • Dining Room • Private Function Rooms

“Put it on my pumpkins,” answered the farmer.

Book yo ur Holiday Parties NOW!

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com This space for rent.

Alex replied, “Maybe you should come and eat with us, we put icecream on our pumpkin pie.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 41

Out ’n About at Kid’s Day 2014

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 $10 off for ANY Service with Coupon!

OUR TIRES

We can do it: Yep, that’s the spot, Doc!

Scooter

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Never put all your eggs in your pocket.

777-3339 Can I get my mug shot taken next?

Get Your Remote Starter NOW before the Rush!

CS700 S

2W900 FMR

216 Center Street, Auburn

Next to Republic Jewelry; Parking in back of building.

soundeffectsmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42

October 2014

783-7039

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Out ’n About at the Lisbon FCU Member Appreciation Day

If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.

For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY

782-3822 e efor B l l Ca ing!

Com

Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle Seats Tonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More!

What a beautiful day!! I can live with the sun in my eyes.

300 Cressey Road, Monmouth Just past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm

Out ’n About at the Lisbon FCU Member Appreciation Day I heard Bob Barker was making a guest appearance... is that true, Vanna?

Selma Basic

Meet my babies...

Brittany, Bethany, Ben, Josh & Mom, Stephanie I love my credit union...

Your Road To Maine Value

TM

Welcomes New Manager, Chad Paradis!

Chad & his crew invite you to stop by for a

For Brakes, Tires, Exhaust, Oil Changes, Batteries, Tune-ups & more visit Maine Auto Service!

Your complete car & light truck service center.

FREE STATE INSPECTION

Technician, Rocky Voss; Assistant Manager, Chris Fournier; Shop Manager, Chad Paradis; Company Owner, Steve Shaver

510 Canal Street, Lewiston • 333-6000 • maineautoservice.com If you do not make dust, you eat dust.

✃

in October with this ad Expires 10.31.14

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 43

Out ’n About at the Lisbon FCU Member Appreciation Day

If you do not say it, they can’t repeat it.

Assisted Home Care II

Hey, they want to know if you guys deliver?

“Our Family Assisting Your Family”

Now ex our serv panding ic Midcoas es to the t Region !

Assisting Families since 1997.

YUM!!

• • • • •

Registered Home Health Care Service Agency Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 24 hour Personal Care and Response Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers Assist with Independent Living at Home

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Day of Caring event

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44

October 2014

783-7039

If you do not know what you’re doing, do it neatly.

If it’s meant to be, make it happen. – Jamie Marston

Out ’n About at Schemengee’s Bar & Grill with Republic Jewelry

Jeff Brocker & Chrissy Ames

Fran Stevens & Claire Theriault

Darcy Pabst & Mindy Ward

Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

Monique & Dot

If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION MORE FOR 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 Located in the building behind Dad’s Place Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

YOUR $$ Get more for your returns at Dad’s!

Dad’s Redemption

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. (must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

✃

es v i r D Bottle me!

Welco

6¢

UAD expires 10.31.14

David: My wife beats me, doctor.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

David: Every time we play Scrabble!

Jimbo: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Jimbo: Really? What color?

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

46

October 2014

783-7039

“Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash.” – Bo Diddley

Good News

Don’t blame me; nobody asked my opinion.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Do not neglect your Septic System

Service Rental Sales

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

Uncle Andy: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Out ’n About at Kid’s Day 2014 Not too bad... for a Seadog.

Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus.

Uncle Andy: What happened?

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

Create a need and fill it.

Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

Which would you like to hear first?

Uncle Andy: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Uncle Andy: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?

If it is good, they will stop making it.

Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

October Specials

See, I can do push-ups too!

Manicure & Pedicure $ 45.00 All Facials $10.00 OFF Kelley

Darcy

Amanda

Christopher

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 47

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Day of Caring event

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

l pecia ber S Octo

$ Norm Karkos WMTW Channel 8

.00

500 OFF

All Artesian Spas

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

Out ’n About at the JFM Carnival at Pettingill Park a fundraiser for the Special Olympics

Trena Willow Run Dental

Dr. Scott Beckerman & Dr. Geraldine Schneider Willow Run Dental

Mary Martin LL Bean

My mother-in-law is coming... I had to clear out half my closet so she could have a place to hang upside down and sleep.

A gambling gardener usually hedges his bets.

Shane Wright

I tried exercise, but I was allergic to it.

My skin flushed, and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous!

Beth Baril, Karen Morris-Arsenault & Alicia Baril Beth is the activities coordinator for JFM

Isaacson & Raymond

Mike Bariault Central Distributors

There is one big difference between genius and stupidity; genius has limits.

“Thinking: the talking of the soul with itself.” – Plato

3

rd Annual

Out ’n About at Schemengee’s Bar & Grill with Republic Jewelry

N E E W O L L HA BA1sSt H

Pat Higgins & Mindy Ward The Sound Effects here are amazingly good!

3 . t c O , y a e s d o i l r C F 7pm

Live Music & Costume Prizes

Try our Spooky Eyeball & Fog Martinis!

We are now booking holiday Japanese Cuisine parties! Reserve 795-6888 your corporate 40 East Ave., Lewiston holiday party (Lewiston Mall Shopping Center) www.sea40me.com now to reserve your spot!

Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

Do you think baby ghosts wear white pillowcases on Halloween?

Scott & Dawn Feldman

Carlene & Mitch Sperry

Larry & Stacey Corbette Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with October 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 49

Out ’n About at Schemengee’s Bar & Grill

Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?

with Republic Jewelry

Jane & Daniel Buck

Group GLOW at the Glow Run 5K

Roger & Jane Audet

...and I promise to never ride a motorcycle again.

Back: Ashalie Wark, Linda Thompson, Ann Dumais, Sue Poulin, Kelly Giambra, Kelly Dumont, Camille Cloutier, Aimee Beaule & Marlo Hewitt. Front: Deanna Chapman & Jamie Brown-Beauparlant (these ladies represent two different salons: All About You & Kutters Korner).

The Glow Run 5K was held in Old Orchard Beach. Where brightly attired runners started the race 10 minutes before sunset. Lighting the way for those fighting cancer and honoring those who have lost their battle.

A Relay for Life event, two salons joined forces and ran together to help raise money to fight cancer!

All About You & Kutters Korner got their GLOW on and had some major fun together.

Great job, ladies!

CASH FOR CLUNKERS

Dan, Dan II & Dot Cunliffe

Bring in any stove and get a voucher for up to $300 toward a new JØTUL gas or wood stove!

Limited time offer

Mike Cunliffe, Pat Berube & Colleen Erickson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

50

October 2014

783-7039

ng with partneri Proudly r the Jøtul fo gram Out Pro e g n a h 2014 C

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP 1220 Center St., Auburn • 784-9249 www.firesidestoveshop.com

The student had such a big assignment, he had to burn his kindle at both ends.

OFF Book a Wax Appointment in October and get 10% Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004

If your car’s paint should fear, It’s because winter is almost here

CAR WASH & DETAIL

LIQUID SUNSHINE

Summer is gone... better get your wax on!

I'm reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm Fri. 8am-4pm

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit with results that you will be proud to show off.

Visit us at our state of the art office at:

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 Same Day Emergency Care We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM