Fargo-Moorhead’s Biggest Family Events Calendar
August / September 2013
GRIEF Helping Children Cope
FOOD FIGHT! Conventional vs. Organic Food
Temper
Tantrums
49th annual
BOBCAT
North Dakota Fargo Country Club
Friday-Sunday August 23-25, 2013
Open
A GREAT GOLF EVENT HELPING KIDS AND FAMILIES BUILD A BRIGHTER FUTURE. Co-Sponsor:
Proceeds benefit:
For registration visit www.bobcatndopen.com or contact the Fargo Country Club golF shop at 701-237-6746.
YOUR FAMILY z from the editor August/September 2013 Vol. 17, No. 4 Publisher The Village Family Service Center Gary Wolsky Tammy Noteboom Editor-in-Chief Kelly Lynch Graphic Design & Layout Jared Zimney Advertising Sales Manager Joy Ryan Calendar Editor Shayna Hendricksen Copy Editor Shayna Hendricksen The Village Family Service Center Board of Directors Carrie Bjorge, David Dougherty, Richard Duysen, Judy Green, Matthew Hallaway, Dr. Richard Hanson, Tammy Hauck, Richard Henderson, Karen Mellum, Nancy McKenzie, Tom Nelson, Dr. Joy Query, Becky Walen
For advertising, call 701-451-5000 For editorial comments or questions, please call 701-451-4937 or email magazine@TheVillageFamily.org For subscription information, please call 701-451-4936 Printed by Forum Communications Printing, Fargo, N.D. ©2013 The Village Family Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. The Village Family Magazine is a registered trademark. The Village Family Magazine does not necessarily endorse content of advertising. The mission of The Village Family Magazine is to broaden the ability of The Village Family Service Center to improve the quality of people’s lives. In each issue, articles and features will educate and encourage families to develop and maintain positive, constructive relationships. Mail correspondence to: The Village Family Service Center ATTN: Family Magazine 1201 25th St. S., Fargo, ND 58103
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August/September 2013
I am number seven out of eight children in my large family, and was brought up bombarded by my older siblings’ words of advice. Some advice was odd, some helpful. My oldest brother said the most important things for me to consider when choosing a college were 1) that it had a football team—so you would have something to do on Saturday afternoons, and 2) that it be in a large city, so I could learn to hail a cab. For some reason, he felt hailing a cab was a critical life skill. My sister kindly offered that my rent shouldn’t be more than one weeks’ pay. I wasn’t making much money when I rented my first apartment, so I’m not sure I used her guideline, but it was nice of her to share it. Another brother told me not to buy a car while I was in college. “Cars just suck money,” he said. What did he know? I bought the car anyway—a 1975 Ford Maverick. My brother was correct. As you get older, you do get wiser. A number of years ago, my husband and I, and our three young sons, went to visit my brother and his family. It was mid-August and their oldest daughter was heading back to college for her senior year. My brother told me he and his wife realized these were likely the last few days she’d be living with them…ever. Offering advice once again, he reminded my husband and me a few times during that visit how quickly the years go by and how important it is to enjoy the time you have with your children before they grow up and move out. What parent hasn’t heard the comments, “They grow up so fast,” or “Before you know it they’ll be gone?” We had certainly heard the words spoken before. But for some reason, after that visit, the words stuck. From that day forward, I tried to do just what my brother said: Enjoy the time with them. And I did. It was great to see my three boys conquer their fears, learn new skills, and develop interesting hobbies. They made friends, lost friends, made other friends. They went on camping trips and band trips and vacations. They moved from elementary school to middle school to high school. They each put on a cap and gown and graduated. The message that they grow up so fast played constantly in the back of my mind. And grow up fast, they did. My youngest son is heading off to college this month. His brother is a senior at NDSU and his other brother has a successful career. I am proud of them and pleased I took my brother’s advice. I enjoyed their growing up time with me, but it wasn’t without its struggles. Parenting is a tough job. Sure, parents get to delight in all the happy achievements and successful milestones, but we’ve got to help kids navigate low points and sad realities, too. Grieving the death of someone you love is one of those realities. Our feature article this issue, “Grief: Helping Children Cope,” outlines some of the ways children grieve and gives parents a framework for helping children through the grieving process. The article reminds parents, “You won’t be able to protect your children from the sadness and confusion that accompanies grief, but you can walk beside them as they go through it.” That, too, is good advice.
About the Cover Photo Eve (3) enjoys time at the Downtown Fargo Library Photography by That’s Nice Photography (see ad page 25) villagefamilymag.org
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departments z spirituality
6 Small Moment, Big Question
Inquisitive children can catch parents off guard. Read a father’s heartfelt response to one of life’s tough questions. z consumer
16 Organic vs. Conventional Foods: Making Thoughtful Choices Educate yourself about the differences between organic and conventional food before you head to the grocery store. z parenting
20 Twelve Tips for Handling Toddler Tantrums Tired of the kicking, screaming, and tears? Conquer those tantrums with tips from experienced parents and parent educators. z feature
34 Grief: Helping Children Cope
Children grieve in a variety of ways. Learn how to support and guide them through the process.
16 34
p.
p.
z online
40 Is Technology Rewiring Your Baby’s Brain?
Smartphones and tablets as temporary babysitters have their advantages, but being aware of your child’s development should factor into your decision regarding screen time.
in every issue
z gary’s opinion.......9 z books & movies...10 z mom’s view..........12 z dad’s view............13
z events calendar.....24 z food & fun.............45 z words & wisdom.. .46
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August/September 2013
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YOUR FAMILY z spirituality
By Gwen Rockwood
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August/September August/September2013 2013
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Last night, we heard the familiar sound of footsteps on the stairs well past bedtime. From the living room, I heard my husband talking in the kitchen to the kid who couldn’t sleep. Over the years, we’ve heard every “I can’t sleep” excuse in the book—not tired, too thirsty, too dark, monster under the bed—but this time was different. This time it was a question, one of the biggest we’ve faced: “Dad, I know that people die sometimes. And I know we believe in God and Heaven and everything…but what if we’re wrong?” We probably should have seen it coming. In the past six weeks, we’ve been to two out-of-town funerals for family members. The kids didn’t attend the funerals with us, but they knew why we were leaving them with a sitter. So there it was, hanging in the air: “What if we’re wrong?” But unlike the proverbial monster under the bed, this fear is all too real. His innocent question echoed the same one I’ve had myself, the same one millions of us have, if only for a split second. But the question brings with it a familiar stab of shame for what feels like a lack of faith. I’ve grown up in church. I know better. At my core, I believe I’m a child of God. I believe in Heaven, even though my human mind is ill-equipped to imagine it. My husband believes these things, too, and he did a good job of explaining it last night. He told our son it’s okay to have questions and it’s normal to wonder if it’s all really real. It’s okay to talk about it with us and with Sunday school teachers, he said. And it’s even okay to talk to God about it.
He knows what we’re thinking, and He can handle it. After they’d talked for a few minutes, I heard a quiet voice ask, “Is it okay if I sleep in your bed tonight?” Sure. That would be fine, my husband said. Our boy fell asleep quickly after that, with his dad’s reassuring hand resting on his back. As the two of them drifted off to sleep, I laid awake thinking about how kids eventually get old enough to realize that grown-ups sometimes get things wrong. And if we can be wrong about little things, then it means we can be wrong about big things, too. It’s a scary feeling. I pray we’ll be able to assure our kids of the things we know in our hearts to be true. But I also know they’ll have to find their own ways of knowing that God is real. For me, I see spiritual assurance almost everywhere when I get out of my own way. It practically demands attention. It’s in the skies and the trees. It’s in massive whales and tiny insects. It’s sunlight and mountains and expansive fields. Oceans and lightning. It’s the fine-tuned complexity of the human body. It’s kindness. Compassion. And love. I felt it so strongly the first moment I looked into the face of our newborn baby. Miracles like this can only come from God, certainly not some grand accident. All of it convinces me and convicts me of what I know to be true—that a world this creative can only come from a Creator. It’s the reassuring hand of a Heavenly Father resting gently on our backs. And if His first act is this amazing, I can hardly wait to see what He has in store for us next. Gwen Rockwood is a syndicated freelance columnist. Send comments to her at rockwoodfiles@cox.net.
An Education Your Child Can Lean On!
Open Enrollment 4th-8th Grades! • One-on-One Teacher Attention • Small Class Sizes • Excellent Preparation for High School • Full Athletic and Music Programs • Servant and Community Outreach Involvement • Scholarships Available
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August/September 2013
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The Health Care Law Taxes, Elimination of Deductions, and New Fees Provision
Year
10 Year Revenue Estimates 2013-20221 ($ billions)
“Tanning Tax”—Imposes 10% excise tax for indoor tanning services
2010
1.5
“Black Liquor” (i.e. sludge/byproduct of the process that transforms wood into pulp)—Excludes unprocessed fuels from the cellulosic biofuel producer credit
2010
15.5
Codifies economic substance doctrine and imposes penalties for underpayments
2010
5.3
Restricts FSA, HSA, HRA definition of itemized deduction for medical expenses (tax-preferred account dollars can only purchase OTC items with prescription)
2011
4.0
Increases penalty to 20% for non-health withdrawals from HSAs/Archer MSAs
2011
4.5
Imposes annual fee on branded drug manufacturers and importers of branded drugs
2011
34.2
Imposes fee on health insurance & employer plans (including fully-insured and self-insured plans) to fund comparative effectiveness research
Plan years after
9/30/12
3.8
Increases Medicare payroll tax by 0.9% on earned income in excess of $200,000/$250,000 (not indexed)
2013
Imposes 3.8% tax on unearned investment income for taxpayers with adjusted gross income (AGI) in excess of $200,000/$250,000 (not indexed)
2013
Limits FSA contributions to $2,500, indexed to inflation after 2013
2013
24.0
“Medical Device Tax”—Imposes 2.3% excise tax on manufacturers and importers of certain medical devices
2013
29.1
Eliminates deduction for Medicare Part D employer subsidy for retiree prescription drug coverage
2013
3.1
Raises AGI floor on medical expense deduction to 10%; AGI floor for individuals age 65 and older (and their spouses) remain at 7.5% through 2016
2013
18.7
Limits deduction to $500,000 on executive compensation paid by health insurance companies
2013
0.8
“Health Insurance Tax”—Imposes annual fee on health insurance companies
2014
101.7
“Individual Mandate” - Requires individuals to obtain health insurance
2014
55.0 2
“Employer Mandate”/“Free Rider” Penalty—Fines employers with 50 or more full-time equivalent employees who do not provide prescribed coverage
2014
106.0 2
“Cadillac Tax”—Imposes 40% excise tax on high-cost plans
2018
111.0
Totals
317.7
835.9*
*Does not include expected costs of $139.1 billion for “Doc Fix” over 10 years, now due to expire December 31, 2013 (2014–2023) 1 2
Joint Committee on Taxation (JCT) Preliminary Estimated Revenue Effects (2013-2022) June 15, 2012. #12-2 046 CBO & JCT estimate to repeal provisions under H.R. 6079 for Speaker Boehner (2013-2022) July 24, 2012
Note: The law originally included a new 1099 reporting requirement, which was expected to raise $17.1 billion over 10 years. Due to a Chamber-led effort, the 1099 reporting provision was repealed on 4/14/2011. Red = Employer-related provisions
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August/September 2013
Black = Other provisions Some may apply to self-employed individuals
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1615 H Street, NW, Washington, DC 20062 www.uschamber.com family
YOUR FAMILY z gary’s opinion
The Reality of the Obamacare Nightmare By Gary Wolsky, President/CEO The Village Family Service Center Very soon we will begin building our 2014 fiscal plan for The Village Family Service Center. That’s not a problem in itself. Someone here has been doing that since 1891, and we’re generally pretty good at it—even with the large amount of unpredictable income that’s tied to most of the services we provide. But this year will be different. The wild card in this year’s Wolsky planning—and it’s a big one—is the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act—also widely referred to as Obamacare. First let me confess my bias—since Obamacare was passed in March of 2010, I’ve considered it an unmitigated disaster. I even emailed our three children and apologized for what my generation was about to do to them. My reaction to date has been based mostly on philosophy—a philosophy that says larger central government is ineffective, too distant and disconnected from its constituents, wasteful, prone to arrogance, and eventually corrupt. We have a great deal of history that clearly shows the ineffectiveness and failures of large central government. Then you have the issue of basic freedom and the notion, I believe, that freedom and large government cannot occupy the same space. As government expands, freedom is diminished; and as government contracts, freedom expands. We see this in many aspects of our lives but none more evident than the fact regulations seem to be multiplying exponentially at an incomprehensible rate. These days, The Village is subjected to literally dozens of audits and policy and program inspections per year. Our 990, the report we are required to complete for our beloved IRS, now runs about 45 pages—it used to be three. The combined cost of meeting the many government regulations, including our cost of the audits and staff time to complete the reports, is way north of $100,000 per year. In real terms, think of 100 kids per year who don’t get matched in our Big Brothers Big Sisters program due to ever-encroaching government requirements. We’ve never had a problem with reporting to funders as we consider that an important responsibility to an organization that is “owned” by the community—i.e., United Ways, donors, and clients. We are happy to report our outcomes, financial data, and other data to our United Ways, donors, and clients— because, as I said, they literally own us. However, governmentrelated reports have become so onerous, redundant, and complex that, at some point, they serve little purpose. So from the standpoint of both philosophy and close-up experiences, you can begin to see why I’m not warm to the concept of governmental intrusion. And now comes Obamacare. I simply don’t understand how a nation could turn over one-sixth of its economy to the government, especially given the mountains of evidence we have which clearly depict its inefficiency, fiscal irresponsibility, lack of outcomes, and unintended consequences. It occurs to me, also, that the Ten Commandments weren’t the 100 Commandments or the 1,000 Commandments—they family
were 10. They were simple and they remain timeless. It’s said that it took Thomas Jefferson 17 days to compile the founding documents of our country (after a lifetime of dedicated study of history, philosophy, and human nature by him and many others). Those documents represented about a dozen pages and gave birth to the most creative and workable form of government in the history of the planet. Compare this to Obamacare, which represents several thousand pages, was read by no one, and was passed in the dead of night. Do you see a contrast here? Now, go back to the reality of our budget and trying to coax some meaning and predictability from the madness of Obamacare. So far, what has been evident is a good deal of chaos. At The Village, we are studying this new health care act feverishly, and are committed to making the best decisions possible in support of our incredible staff. They deserve, and will get, the very best of our abilities to navigate the realities of Obamacare. But some realities seem clear. It will most assuredly be more expensive—both for our staff and for The Village. It will also be more costly for you either as a recipient of services or as a donor. It’s way too early to know the “back room” cost of the required reporting and additional regulations associated with this, but we do know it will be significant. The costs I’m referring to here are specific to what we’re anticipating at The Village and not the other numerous and unrelated taxes that will be implemented along with this bill. Adjacent to this editorial you’ll find a piece published by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce which actually forecasts the additional taxes associated with Obamacare. What’s not clear, and won’t be for some time, is the likely degradation of the actual provision of health care. We have a model for this in the Veteran’s Administration (VA). One could look at the VA as a pilot program for a nationalized health care system. Although I would suggest that our local VA is a wonderful exception—which I believe is based on the work ethic, commitment, and general high quality of the local staff working there—the VA nationally does not have a reputation that’s terribly positive. We’ve seen its problems too many times on the evening news. Although there are exceptions, on the whole, it’s an embarrassment. And that seems to be what we’re in for. I hope I’m wrong. One last note: I’m very much aware of the fact our current system has many faults, inequities, inefficiencies, and problems. Perhaps doing nothing wouldn’t have been a responsible tactic. However, I believe fixing these problems on a small scale—perhaps using states as pilot projects—and relying on the creativity of the private sector would ultimately give us far better products, more efficiency, and better health care for more people. ** At press time, we were notified there will be a one-year delay in implementing major components of Obamacare. Stay tuned, as I believe the final chapters of this sad saga have not yet been written. The opinions expressed in this column are strictly those of The Village Family Service Center CEO. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the organization, staff, or boards of directors.
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August/September 2013
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YOUR FAMILY z m vies
On
New to
Theaters “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”
© 1492 Pictures / Sunswept Entertainment / Twentieth Century Fox
PG In Theatres August 7 Percy Jackson is back in this explosive, action-filled followup to “The Lightning Thief,” both based on books by Rick Riordan. Percy and his friends embark on a fantastic quest to capture the mystical Golden Fleece and save their world. This enormous adventure on Earth begins at sea. The friends battle horrifying creatures as they make their way into the unchartered waters of the Bermuda Triangle. The visual parade of special effects and mythical creatures will astound you. Stars include: Alexandra Daddario, Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Jake Abel, and Nathan Fillion.
DVD
“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” PG On DVD “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” is an animated adventure loosely based on the popular children’s book with the same name. Flint Lockwood (voiced by Bill Hader) invents a device that turns water into food. The young inventor’s machine gets launched into the sky and it begins to rain cheeseburgers. Soon, Flint is able to communicate with the device and order certain foods. The town’s economy booms as tourists flock to witness the food falling from the sky. When the machine goes haywire, a tornado of spaghetti and meatballs threatens and Flint must figure out a way to stop the machine to save the town. Before you head to the theater to enjoy its sequel (“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2” is due out in September), check out the original. In addition to Bill Hader, other voices include: Anna Faris, James Caan, Andy Samberg, Neil Patrick Harris, Mr. T., and Al Roker.
© Sony Pictures Animation
“Nacho Libre” PG On Netflix Instant Stream This cult classic is funny and silly with a nice message about caring for others. Ignacio, played by Jack Black, just doesn’t fit in at the Mexican monastery where he was raised and where he now works as a cook. He loves the orphans he feeds, but the food is terrible. Black’s character decides to pursue his passion—wrestling—and try to raise money for the orphans by becoming a masked wrestler known as “Nacho Libre.” However, he is forced to lead a double life because wrestling is forbidden by the elders of the monastery. If you enjoy silly, physical humor, “Nacho Libre” delivers. This 2006 movie stars Jack Black, Ana de la Reguera, and Héctor Jiménez.
“Cop and a Half” (1993) PG Available on DVD Young Devon Butler has always wanted to be a cop. He watches every police show, knows every procedure, and, like many 8-yearolds, plays cops and robbers with his friends. While checking out a warehouse one day, he witnesses a murder. Devon immediately goes to the police to report everything he knows, as long as they make him a cop. They decide to take him up on his offer by teaming him with veteran cop, and known child hater, Nick McKenna (Burt Reynolds). Soon the viewer is treated to a great spin on the cliché buddy cop movie. As their adventure unfolds—and the mystery is solved—Devon learns a thing or two about being a real cop, and McKenna realizes that, just maybe, kids aren’t so bad after all.
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© Imagine Entertainment / Universal Pictures
© Nickelodeon Movies / HH Films
Staff Pick: Jared
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YOUR FAMILY z
Book Reviews Courtesy Barnes & Noble, Fargo
Baby & Preschool “Horsey Up and Down: A Book of Opposites” by Caroline Jayne Church This is an interactive opposite book from Caroline Jayne Church. Join two loveable kids as they gallop up, down, fast, and slow with horsey toys big and small in this adorable introduction to opposites. With novelties on every page, young readers can move riders up and down on the carousel, pet fluffy toy horses, and even open the farm door to see horsey sleeping in her cozy stall. This hands-on, rhyming story truly delights.
Ages 4 to 8 “The Day the Crayons Quit” by Drew Daywalt Clearly, Duncan’s crayons have had enough. When he opened his art box that day, he found not a single crayon, only letters from disgruntled color sticks. Their complaints varied: Some felt overused or misused; others, neglected. Blue, for example, wondered how many oceans he would be obliged to color and Beige despaired that all the good jobs were going to Brown. For poor Duncan, this spontaneous strike called for quick action. Almost instantly, the aspiring artist becomes a mediator. A very entertaining picture book from debut author Drew Daywalt and illustrator Oliver Jeffers.
Teenagers “The 5th Wave” by Rick Yancey After the first wave, only darkness remains. After the second, only the lucky escape. After the third, only the unlucky survive. After the fourth, only one rule applies: Trust no one. Somehow, Cassie has survived and now she is running from monsters who look like humans. By this point, she knows the only way to stay alive is to stay alone. But then she meets Evan Walker, the teenager behind the one pair of eyes she can begin to trust. Beguiling and mysterious, Evan Walker may be Cassie’s only hope for rescuing her brother—or even saving herself. But Cassie must choose: between trust and despair, between defiance and surrender, between life and death, to give up or to get up.
Adults “The Round House” by Louise Erdrich One of the most revered novelists of our time—a brilliant chronicler of Native-American life—Louise Erdrich returns to the territory of her bestselling book, “The Plague of Doves.” Her latest novel transports readers to the Ojibwe reservation in North Dakota. It is an exquisitely told story of a boy on the cusp of manhood who seeks justice and understanding in the wake of a terrible crime that upends and forever transforms his family. Riveting and suspenseful, this is a page-turning masterpiece of literary fiction—at once a powerful coming-ofage story, a mystery, and a tender, moving novel of family, history, and culture.
Ages 9 to 12 “Theodore Boone: The Activist” by John Grisham Theodore Boone is back, and he’s facing his most dangerous case yet. As Strattenburg sits divided over a hot political and environmental issue, Theo finds himself in the middle of the battle. When he uncovers corruption beneath the surface, Theo will confront bigger risks than ever to himself and those he loves. But even face-to-face with danger, Theodore Boone will do whatever it takes to stand up for what’s right.
family
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August/September 2013
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YOUR FAMILY z mom’s view
I Can’t Wait to Get Homework! By Kathy Sena It was my son’s favorite question, and he was asked it frequently by kind friends, neighbors, and grocery store clerks: “So, are you excited about being in kindergarten?” “Yeah! I can’t wait to get homework!” was his standard reply. And why not? At 5, “getting homework”—reading a poem to his parents, drawing a picture of his favorite book, coloring all the rectangles green—makes you one of the big kids. It was people’s reactions to his obviously enthusiastic answer that took me by surprise. “Oh, that won’t last long.” “You won’t be saying that in a few years.” And my favorite (directed to me, with Matthew standing right beside me at the grocery store): “Remember this moment when he’s in seventh grade and you’re nagging him about homework.” Gee, thanks. After the first few encounters, Matt continued to happily chatter on about school, so enthralled with the idea of learning he even insisted, “My name is ‘MATH-ew’ because I love math.” But after hearing the same comments a few more times, another type of learning began to kick in. “Mom, what’s so bad about homework? Why don’t big kids like to do it? Is it no fun?” Uh-oh. Soon it would be Mom and Dad’s word versus that of the “big kids.” But so far we hadn’t heard a peep from a homework-averse seventh grader. It was the really big kids—the adults—who had planted this seed. Fortunately, Matthew has been surrounded by adults who have made learning out to be the big adventure it should be. Thanks to his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Robinson, Matt came home from his first week of “real school” singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy” and talking about George M. Cohan. He delighted in sharing his new knowledge of octagons, which he learned about by first memorizing Mrs. Robinson’s Riddle of the Day: “What do you get when an octopus leaves?” In short, Mrs. Robinson knew how to make learning a blast for kindergartners. I’m confident she could do the same for seventh graders, too. She expected an enthusiastic response from Matthew and his classmates, and they lived up to her expectations. But kids will readily live down to our expectations, too. When the adults in a child’s life expect him to be bored by the rigors of school—or when they start assuming there’s no longer a need to make learning fun because “you have to nag them to do their homework,” they’re teaching another kind of lesson. And the kids are listening. Remember junior high? Yes, there was the dry-as-dirt (math, English, you-fill-in-the-blank) teacher who hadn’t been excited about teaching—or by much of anything else—in years. But then there’s that beloved seventh-grade history teacher who shows up one day dressed as Ben Franklin, complete with a kite. He answers questions, in character, for an hour, and no one wants to leave when the bell rings. 12
August/September 2013
Illustration by Trygve Olson
Perhaps we owe these inspiring teachers a bit more gratitude than we realized. And perhaps we need to take a cue from them when we talk with our kids—or when we talk to the kid and his mom standing behind us in the grocery store checkout line. Matthew’s first-grade teacher, Mrs. Okumura, shared her Japanese heritage with her students by creating a “Kabuki Theater” presentation. Each student wrote his or her own haiku, and then read it aloud while standing behind a handmade Kabuki mask of his own face. The kids sang Japanese songs, shared special Japanese cookies, showed off their handmade origami drinking cups (which actually held water), and bragged about how they learned to use chopsticks by practicing picking up mini marshmallows. Each child had a special line to say during the performance. Matthew’s line was “Arigato. That means ‘thank you’ in Japanese.” Arigato to Mrs. Okumura, Mrs. Robinson, and all the positive role models who have yet to come into my son’s life, and into all of our children’s lives. And thanks to everyone in the grocery store checkout line that shares words of encouragement with a 5-year-old when he says, “I can’t wait to get homework!” Kathy Sena is an award-winning freelance writer and essayist. Visit her website at www. kathysena.com.
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YOUR FAMILY z dad’s view
Vamps With School Spirit By Rick Epstein They fly through the air at night, they have superhuman strength and agility, they put the bite on you time after time, and they can completely take over your life. Vampires? I wish! I’m talking about cheerleaders. My 16-year-old daughter Wendy is on the junior varsity squad at Good Times Regional High School. She is a “flyer.” That means the other girls grab the soles of her feet and thrust her up into the air to be the peak of their human pyramid. When they break the formation, she’s the one who plummets down, depending on the other girls to catch her. If you’ve seen the procedure, you’ve said, “Omigod! I’m so glad that’s not my child!” The flyer is trusting her spinal column to a half-dozen teenage girls, who are about equally divided among her best friends, worst enemies, and the undecided. But you wouldn’t pick any of them to pack your parachute, especially if their boyfriends think you’re cute. It is horrifying to watch, and I’ll tell you something: They don’t always catch the flyer. All the cheerleaders at Good Times Regional are flyers in that they all jet off to Florida each February to compete in the Nationals. So from July until takeoff time, the girls are feverishly raising money. Besides working out and practicing, the girls wash cars; serve refreshments at school events; host breakfast with Santa for little kids; run cheerleading clinics for middle-sized kids; and sell candles, frozen pizzas, and chrysanthemums. But that isn’t quite enough, so the girls stand outside supermarkets holding donation cans and asking, “Would you like to donate to Good Times Regional cheerleading?” And a good percentage of shoppers pay up as if they’ve been asked to help Purple Heart veterans, apparently thinking, “Cheerleaders give so much, and all they ever ask in return is ‘Gimme a G, gimme an O...’” Or maybe, “Cute girls begging in the streets? I must support this!” Or maybe, “Cheerleaders once pulled my parents out of a burning car...” All right, I admit it. I can’t imagine why the money pours in. At first, I’d frowned on the idea of Wendy panhandling. I didn’t want her to be encouraged in her belief that the best way to get money is to just ask for it. But I’ve changed my mind for two reasons. 1. If people really want to send cheerleaders to Florida, it is not cost-effective to buy $20 worth of chrysanthemums just to put $5 into the girls’ peppy little palms. Fifteen of the dollars they’ve just coughed up aren’t moving even the tiniest cheerleader one inch toward the Sunshine State. 2. The panhandling broadens my daughter’s financial horizons. It shows her there are millions of people in the world who might give her money. Her daddy is only one of them, and not the most wealthy or generous one, either. The scope of the parents’ and girls’ commitment was sketched out for a couple dozen moms and me at my first meeting of the Cheer Booster Club in the high school library one night back in June. Then money was collected—for special family
Illustration by Trygve Olson
personalized practice outfits, and for a week of cheerleader camp, and for weekly “cheernastics” lessons. At mid-meeting, I whispered to my friend, Brenna’s Mom, “I can’t keep up with this; I’m going to hide in the bathroom.” Please don’t think that I have a checkbook instead of a heart, but it HAS replaced my jaunty smile as my most popular feature. I do have a heart, and although I don’t consult it often enough, it is thrilled that Wendy is working at something she’s excited about. And I’m grateful to the energetic moms who run the Booster Club; they have figured out how to make things happen for the girls and how to mobilize the rest of us for the cause. There are meetings to attend, transportation to provide, fundraisers to chaperone, publicity to arrange, more checks to write, and many, many emails to read. Alpha moms, I’m yours to command. I only hope that my wife doesn’t get jealous when she sees all these other women pushing me around. Rick Epstein can be reached at rickepstein@ yahoo.com.
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A Beneficial Bedtime Ritual to Hold Your Family Together By Laurie Neill Amazon.com lists over 40,000 books on parenting, which is 24,000 more than books on dieting—and we all know how many people want to know that secret. People, it seems, are even hungrier for parenting advice than they are for tips about their waistlines. I recently stumbled upon a book that claims to bring— and hold—your family together by doing one simple thing: changing your bedtime routine. “Imagine,” Dr. Rich Melheim says, “growing up in a home where everyone feels loved, valued, and heard every night; a family that seeks God’s wisdom, will, and Word at the center of their lives; an intimate community where every night is an experience of caring, sharing, comfort, and peace.” Does this sound like an impossible dream, or at least an improbable one? Perhaps, but Melheim claims there is one thing you can be sure of: This dream will not happen magically. But it will happen if you give it the required intention and commitment and have a workable plan. He lays out such a plan in his newest book, “Holding Your Family Together.” The plan he lays out is basically a bedtime routine that lasts from five to 15 minutes every night. During this routine, you implement what he calls “faith acts in the home,” or the official title is “FAITH5TM.” Every night, you and your child(ren) will go through five steps that, he claims, will promote security and happiness—one night at a time. Just five steps may seem simple, but the tough part comes in keeping it up. Consistency is the key, but the
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payoff sounds like it will be worth it. Who wouldn’t want a home where compassion is modeled, faithfulness is explored, and your kids tell you what is going on in their day-to-day lives? One of the things Melheim points out is that through these steps, instead of spending time with your kids, you are investing time with them. The five steps go like this: Step 1: SHARE your highs and lows every night. Simply asking a child, “How was your day?” is rarely enough to solicit more than a vague one syllable, “Fine.” You don’t learn much from, “Fine.” Instead, why not share your highs and lows with each other at the close of the day? Talk about what went well today and what didn’t go so well. Melheim contends that sharing highs is positive, potent, and powerful. It creates a feeling of well-being and causes us to be more attentive to the blessing each day holds. Also, positive thinking tends to trigger even more positive thinking, so be prepared for the snowball effect. But every day also has its challenges. Sharing lows gives your child an opportunity to verbalize the troubling parts of the day in a safe, loving, and non-judgmental place—almost a sacred space when you think about it. When an unspoken problem is brought to light, it often loses some of its power and can appear less scary. Step 2: READ a key Bible verse or story every night. Why is it important to fill our children’s hearts and minds with the wisdom and wonder of the word of God? Because if we don’t fill them with good stuff, they will be filled with other stuff by default—and most of the “other
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stuff” the world has to offer is not so good. You are aware of the negative messages the media alone throws our kids’ way every day. The Bible is often described as God’s love letter to his children. Think of the positive impact found in knowing your creator loves and cares for you. Step 3: TALK about how the Bible reading might relate to your highs and lows every night. All of our lives are stories, and seeing how God’s story intersects with ours opens us up to the realization that we all have a purpose in the world. It’s about going deeper and asking, “What is God trying to say to me?” Experts have told us that, in our culture, we are losing our ability to connect purpose and meaning to our lives. Everything is becoming more transitory. Melheim says God’s word gives us the ability to go deeper and stand firmly on the foundation that we matter—to our families, to our communities, and to God. He says, “The Bible tells us who we are and whose we are in the whole scheme of the universe. That message is both deep and wide. So fill your children’s lives and imaginations with God talk, God’s story, and your connection to God’s story, and your children will grow up knowing they are precious children of the king of creation.” Step 4: PRAY for one another’s highs and lows aloud every night. Praying for each other’s highs and lows is an even deeper level of communication because it causes us to actively listen to each other, rephrase what was heard, and then bring it all to God. Melheim calls prayer “love on wings.” When a family prays together, they bond to each other, to God, and to the rest of the world. And prayer isn’t about going to God and making a list of demands
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because God already knows what you need. Prayer acknowledges you know that God knows, and functions more to remind you of who you are and who God is and your relationship with each other. Step 5: BLESS one another before turning out the lights on the day. “If prayer is love on wings,” Melheim says, “blessing is grace on wings.” Blessing is more than mere wishful thinking. Instead, through words and touch, blessings have the power to make us feel loved and valued. They can transform lives by inventing a future of hope, power, and joy. When you know who you are and whose you are, then you have a better sense that God is going to take care of you. Blessing our children helps them to know, Melheim says, “That no matter where they go or where they wander—no matter how prodigal they become or what pigs they find themselves lying next to in the mud—they belong to you, to the story, to the sacrifice, and to the God of the greatest love in the universe.” Perhaps you are already doing something similar to these five steps, but calling them something else. These five steps are another tool in your parenting toolbox to create a ritual that may make all the difference for your family. Does it work? You will never know until you try, but all of the evidence Melheim lays out shows it does, and you can start tonight. Laurie Neill is the Family Life Pastor at First Lutheran Church. “In Touch” is brought to you by First Lutheran Church, Downtown Fargo.
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YOUR FAMILY z consumer
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They used to say, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But the ever-changing landscape of food and nutrition might have us thinking otherwise. Now, it depends on which doctor you ask, if the apple was washed and peeled first, or if it was grown organically or conventionally. It seems a little confusing when all you wanted was a crunchy snack. With all the talk about organic foods, some obvious questions arise: What exactly constitutes organic? Is it really better for you? And where can you get it? The sale of organic foods has risen nearly 800% in the last 15 years, a staggering number for an economy that hasn’t seen its best days recently, and in spite of all the high-calorie, artificially sweetened, low-nutrient food options. Most local grocery stores are stocking up on pesticide-free produce, and we’re spending more money than ever looking for healthconscious alternatives, be it organic or otherwise. Minneapolis-based retail giant Target recently announced plans for its own signature organic grocery brand. In a USA Today article, Amanda Irish, senior director of Target’s store brands, said that although the sale of organic foods is only about 10% of all grocery sales, it’s growing at a rate almost twice that of conventional foods. And in a part of the country that relies heavily on conventional farming, the Red River Valley is host to a growing number of healthy food alternatives. The organic section at Hornbacher’s and other supermarkets continues to explode, and stores like Swanson Health Products, Tochi Products, and Sydney’s Health Market give shoppers additional options. So, let’s try to sort out all this confusion, possibly debunk some myths about the difference between organic and conventional foods, and find a good fit for you and for your family’s health.
Defining the Methods Conventional farming methods have been in place for years, and are used to grow what most of us have come to accept as everyday foods. Conventional farming often employs the use of pesticides, herbicides, chemical fertilizers, genetically modified organisms (GMOs), growth hormones, and/or antibiotics. Opponents argue that not only are many of these products harmful to the environment, but some insist their use and ingestion is linked to certain types of cancers. Organic farming, on the other hand, employs a much different methodology that can sometimes leave consumers confused. What does it mean to be organic? In order to understand this, let’s back up a few decades. The Organic Foods Production Act (OFPA) was introduced under Title 21 of the 1990 Farm Bill to give some consistency in regard to what’s legally considered organic. They came up with an overwhelming list of legal jargon that equates to a few fairly simple precepts: • Organic food must be produced without pesticides or fertilizers made of artificial ingredients.
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• Organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy must come from animals that have not been given antibiotics or hormones. • Organic farming supports the ideas of renewable resources and soil and water conservation for future generations. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) also has some basic rules a grower or food producer must follow before they’ll slap their official seal on something. These subcategories muddy the water a bit, so clearly look at the label to be sure what you’re actually buying. • To be called 100% organic, the food must be an organically grown single product, like an apple or an orange, or comprised of all organic ingredients. • A product can be called organic if at least 95% of the ingredients used to make it are organic in nature. • A product may say it’s made with organic food if it has a minimum of 70% organic ingredients. • If a product contains less than 70% organic ingredients, it may list individual organic components by name on the label, but not call itself organic.
The Choice is Simple…or is it? It sounds foolproof, right? No chemicals, no artificial fertilizers, no hormones in your meat, so why wouldn’t you buy organic? Several factors deserve consideration when buying organic—and one of the biggest is cost. Organic foods can run almost double their conventional counterparts. Brad Kittelson, a registered and licensed dietician at Sanford Hospital in Fargo, doesn’t necessarily subscribe to the organic lifestyle and points out that for most people, cost is a huge factor. “This is not an area of the country where organic foods are always available and cost-effective. Getting people to eat the right foods is challenging enough without adding in the concept of organics.” Darby Smith, co-owner of Sydney’s Health Market in Moorhead, Minn., says the higher cost of organic foods is a false perception. “Without going too far down the rabbit hole in terms of economy and propaganda, the truth is that if you’re eating the right foods, you’ll actually eat less, which will cost you less. The other thing people don’t factor in is that conventional farmers are given government subsidies that artificially drive down the price of non-organic foods.” Smith says health is another factor to consider, and we’re not giving enough attention to our own health. “Americans only spend about 10-20% of their income on groceries, whereas our European counterparts are spending closer to 25-30%. We’ll spend $40,000 on a vehicle, but cheat our own health when it comes to food.” Could it be we’re filling up on the wrong stuff that’s cheap, to make us feel fuller nutritionally and financially? Makenna Goodman, a well-known author and organic
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supporter, makes an interesting point in a Huffington Post article where she notes that buying organic isn’t always the best choice when all factors are considered—factors such as how the animals are treated or how much fuel was used to deliver that organic meat and produce to your supermarket. In regard to animal production, organic mainly refers to the animal’s diet, not whether it is free-range, cagefree, or treated humanely. Goodman references Joel Salatin, a renowned farmer and author, who describes in graphic detail some fairly heinous mistreatment of animals whose meat can technically be labeled as organic. Salatin suggests we may be missing the point of what buying, eating, and growing organic actually represents. For example, is it truly an organic mindset that consumers pay top dollar for chicken flown to North Dakota from California or elsewhere simply because it ate organic feed, when we could get a perfectly healthy, free-range hen from a local farm that’s not necessarily organic? What about the cost of fuel, resources, and transportation that were required to get that “organic” bird here? And if it was raised by the same conventional methods of farming, but simply ate organically, is it really a better bird? The argument suggests that it may not be. Supporting local farming practices you know are healthy, albeit un-organic, may be the more “organic” solution overall. Goodman herself lives on a farm in Vermont and is a staunch supporter of the organic movement. She grows her own vegetables and raises her own free-range chickens that enjoy a better life than some humans, but because she feeds them with scraps of inorganic foods, she can’t sell them or their eggs to her local organic co-op. In the end, Goodman reminds people that organic is just a label and encourages them to be informed about the food they consume.
Smith agrees. “We believe that organic is as much about stewardship as it is about the food you are putting into your body. We are ultimately responsible for helping sustain the good health of our community and not just ourselves,” says Smith. He admits North Dakota can be a tough place to go organic. Conventional farming is one of the top industries in the state, and organic foods—specifically produce— can be hard to find locally. Tyne Stormo is helping increase access to local organic produce through Kragnes Family Farms, a CSA (community supported agriculture) located northeast of Moorhead, Minn., of which she is co-founder. Stormo is a strong believer in organic foods, and admits there’s more to organic than the food itself. Efficient use of resources is important, too. The concept behind a CSA is simple. “A CSA is basically like a subscription farm. You pay at the beginning of the season and receive weekly deliveries of in-season produce,” says Stormo. CSAs truck produce to local businesses and residences each week, where subscribers can pick up their box of food, saving time, money, and
Organic as a Lifestyle Buying organic is not just about making food choices. For many, there’s a deeper issue which isn’t simply consumerism. The bigger picture focuses on leaving a smaller footprint by using fewer resources. 18
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precious resources. By keeping organic food local, CSAs reduce the fuel cost on their produce. “It is important to find an economical way to obtain your organic food,” Stormo says. “We are working to make small organic agriculture possible and want to be able to make it more affordable for our community to buy local organic produce. We think everyone should have the opportunity to understand more and learn where their food comes from.”
The Controversy Conventional farming giant Monsanto has been in the news lately, facing harsh criticism from the organic community for its abundant use of GMOs. A GMO plant is altered using genetic engineering techniques. GMOs are common in crops such as corn, soybeans, cotton, and canola. Most often, these plants are modified to resist herbicides. Monsanto, along with a recent Stanford University study, contends that “… there are no significant differences between ‘organic’ and ‘conventional’ crops in terms of taste, nutrition, and safety.” Kittelson says the studies don’t necessarily sway his opinion, but believes they are rooted in scientific fact. Although his interest in organic foods has been piqued, he hasn’t committed to taking the plunge yet. He warns against consuming overlyprocessed foods and preservative-laden prepared foods. “That’s what we should be avoiding,” Kittelson says. “The organic industry is exploding, and that could be a good thing, but there is a lot of misinformation out there. Eating a variety of foods is what gives you the vitamins and minerals you need. I say fresh when you can, frozen when you need to—it’s about diversity in eating well and not always an organic or nonorganic issue.” But organic consumers disagree. Amy Jo Flattum, who grew up on a conventional North Dakota farm just south of Fargo, says she eats organically for several reasons. Flattum’s father, like many North Dakotans, was a conventional farmer for most of his life, and she attributes his leukemia and death to constant exposure to chemicals and pesticides
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over the years. “My dad used both pesticides and GMO in his farming and yes, it was directly linked to his cancer, not by me, but by his doctors.” Flattum also referred to the Stanford study citing the media storm over the legitimacy of the funding behind it, calling it dubious. “It was revealed on NPR that the study was funded by special interest groups like Monsanto. Plus, the study was way too short to ever prove that a lifetime of eating pesticide-laden food is bad for you and causes cancer, which it is.” Kittelson sides with nutrition experts who trust that if the FDA says it’s safe, it is. Smith says, “At the end of the day, it’s not about if organic food tastes better or fresher, it’s about the chemicals you’re putting into your body. Good food is the best health care.”
Organic for Beginners If Smith had his druthers, everyone would buy organic everything. “I know it’s not realistic, but it’s something to strive for.” When asked where to start, he references the “Dirty Dozen.” This annual list is determined each year by the Environmental Working Group (EWG), which analyzes produce and ranks the 12 fruits and vegetables found to have the highest pesticide residue.
2013 Clean 15 List Mushrooms Sweet potatoes Cantaloupe Grapefruit Kiwi Eggplant Asparagus Mangoes Papayas Sweet peas – frozen Cabbage Avocados Pineapple Onions Corn Because of her family medical history and food-related intolerances and allergies caused by years of consuming processed foods, Flattum believes organic foods are the best choice for her. “I try to stick to at least buying organic of the ‘dirty dozen’ when buying organic fruits and veggies, and try to buy mostly organic dairy and locally raised hormone-free chicken and eggs from our co-op. It makes me feel
We can make it stop…
2013 Dirty Dozen List Apples Strawberries Grapes Celery Peaches Spinach Sweet bell peppers Nectarines Cucumbers Potatoes Cherry tomatoes Hot peppers
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The EWG acknowledges the produce that ends up at the bottom of their list, too. Known as the “Clean 15,” this list includes items consumers should purchase if they can’t afford to buy all organic. These fruits and vegetables have the least amount of pesticide contamination.
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like I’m doing the right thing for my body and for the earth.” Perhaps it’s not completely about preserving the environment or crusading against a moral cause. And, although there have not been enough studies to prove or disprove the superior nutritional value of organic versus conventional foods, in the end it’s about satisfaction, good health, and knowing where your food comes from. You can take the first step toward eating organic by cultivating your own garden; buying from a locally grown, trusted source; or simply growing a few fresh herbs in a window box. Knowing where you eat is knowing what you eat. You have to decide how you get there. Swapping out your conventional apple for an organic one may be a good place to start. A North Dakota native, Megan Bartholomay is a freelance writer and editor with an addiction to grammar, cats, wine, and good food. She lives in downtown Fargo with her husband, Mike, and their bevy of fuzzy babies.
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YOUR FAMILY z parenting
By Sean Brotherson
W
hile I was growing up, the pastor of our local congregation went by the title of “Bishop.” One day in church, a little boy about 3 years old started acting up and raising a fuss. The more his parents tried to calm him the louder he got, until his father finally lifted him up and began to carry him out of the meeting so he could deal with the little boy’s tantrum. As he was being carried down the aisle, the little boy yelled back to the church pastor, “Bishop, help me! Help me!” If you feel like crying out yourself when your toddler is having a tantrum, this article is an answer to your cries— helping you understand the typical age for tantrums, why young children have tantrums, and some things you can do to manage your own child’s tantrums.
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Why Tantrums?
One of the primary challenges for children is emotional development, which involves recognizing, understanding, and effectively managing their feelings. Before they develop these skills, children possess strong feelings but don’t have the ability to manage and express them. A tantrum results when they become emotionally frustrated with a situation and express their feelings through crying, yelling, or physically acting out. Tantrums usually begin at about 18 months of age and are most common until ages 3 or 4. Children with high levels of emotion, difficulty controlling their impulses, or more intense personalities will often display more tantrum behaviors. Between the ages of 5 and 7, most children who receive caring guidance learn how to manage their frustrations and express emotions in a less combative manner.
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When tantrums first begin, parents sometimes wonder if a child is testing or frustrating them on purpose. While children can learn to use tantrums to get what they want, they usually occur quite naturally and without intent when an adult interrupts them from touching things, being curious, and exploring their environment. Tantrums can be a great teaching opportunity for parents. If parents understand that most children have tantrums and approach them as an opportunity to teach about managing emotions, rather than as a problem to be stopped and fixed, then they are more likely to respond with patience and firm guidance rather than punishment. Over time, gentle and consistent instruction can help young children learn ways to express their strong emotions without out-of-control crying or yelling until they are red in the face. Tantrums are frustrating for parents, and it is helpful to keep a sense of perspective and even humor. My wife and her sister once compared notes on the tantrums of their young children and common phrases they heard, such as, “I hate you!” “I wish I had never been born in this family!” or “You are the meanest mom ever!” They numbered the most common phrases and taught them to their children. So, instead of yelling out “I hate you,” the child could just say, “Number 1!” We have laughed a lot about this over the years.
3. Give children warning before changing activities. When you are 4 years old and having a great time playing dolls with your cousin, it’s very frustrating when Mom says, “We have to go—right now.” Mary Davis of Mesa, Ariz., mother of three including an autistic son, suggests finding activities and approaches that help transition children from one activity to another. “Picture schedules and other techniques can help a great deal.” Let children know ahead of time if they must stop doing an activity they enjoy. “Okay, Lisa, we will need to stop playing and get ready for dinner in five minutes.” Then remind them gently one or more times, so they can prepare themselves for the change.
Giving children your time and attention will reinforce their need to be valued and loved.
Twelve Tips for Toddler Tantrums
When I asked parents what they wanted to learn in an article on child tantrums, most said they wanted the best ideas and examples of how other parents successfully manage their children’s tantrums. Here are 12 tips from parents and experienced parent educators. 1. Recognize the triggers. Mike Adams, a school counselor and father of three from Utah, suggests, “Try to figure out what comes before the tantrum occurs, because avoiding a tantrum is better than trying to manage it once it happens.” If you pay careful attention, you can often discover your children’s tantrum triggers. Avoiding these situations or triggers, which can range from refusing to grant a request to changing their activity without warning, may greatly limit a child’s number of tantrums. 2. Give children opportunities to learn independence. Rebecca Merrill, a mother from New Mexico, explains, “Remember that young children have learned that they can be independent and they want to do things on their own. Often they throw a tantrum because they want to do something by themselves.” Minimize your children’s frustration by helping them feel independent. Give them choices, such as, “Pick the pair of shoes you want to wear today and I’ll tie them for you.”
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4. Provide children with focused attention and affection. Karen DeBord, a parent educator from North Carolina and grandparent of young children, says, “Spend 10 minutes with them doing what they want to do and giving them devoted time. It will save you 30 minutes of frustration in the end.” Children just want to be noticed and feel loved. It is easy for adults to get caught up in adult activities like cooking dinner, talking on the phone, or other things. Limited parental attention when a child desires to interact can trigger tantrums for some children. Giving children your time and attention will reinforce their need to be valued and loved. 5. Quickly distract children. Kellie Brady, a Fargo mother of three, indicates that distraction is usually the first approach she uses when dealing with tantrums. Distraction simply means redirecting a child’s attention to an alternative behavior or activity. Brady says, “Distract the child with a different toy or activity if he or she is upset or is misbehaving.” Picking them up and removing them from the situation is another form of distraction that can be effective. 6. Catch children being good. Reinforce your children’s positive behaviors by immediately praising them when they manage a situation well. For example, you might say, “It seems like you were a bit upset when Timmy did not share any crackers with you. But you did not yell and did a good job of coming to me and asking for a snack of your own.” Jenna Claypool of Bemidji, Minn., is a young mother who works in therapeutic recreation with youth. “Reinforcement of positive behaviors will encourage more positive behaviors,” says Claypool. 7. Allow children to choose options. Rochester, Minn., mother of four Heather Bradbeer explains, “We use a forced choice method and say something like, ‘You either need to take some deep breaths and calm down or go to your room. I’m counting to three. If you haven’t chosen by the time I get to three, I will choose for you.’ A forced choice approach helps children because they still feel some measure of control over the situation, and they still get to choose, even if they don’t like either of the choices.” 8. Introduce calming exercises early. Young children typically show signs of frustration on the way to a tantrum. They will begin to do things like whine, demand attention,
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raise their voice, or stomp their feet. The tricks to calm a child vary and must fit a particular child. Heidi Totten, a parent educator from Utah and mother of three, says, “Figuring out the steps toward a tantrum and calming exercises for each of our children literally changed our lives.” For example, a 4-year-old may calm down if you ask him to close his eyes while you count to 20 and massage his back, or a 2-year-old may calm down if you simply pick her up and leave a noisy environment for a quiet room. 9. Teach children words to communicate their feelings and wants. Claypool says, “Most crying is because children want something. Prompt them to express what they want with words. If they want something you’re not willing to give them, ask if they would like an alternative.” This process teaches young children to communicate their wishes directly and with words rather than through tantrum behaviors. With very young children who haven’t developed verbal skills, many parents have been successful teaching their children basic sign language so they can communicate their wants.
10. Keep children well-rested. Tired children are more likely to have tantrums. Elisa Hunt, a Fargo mother of one with another child on the way, says, “Prevention is the best approach when possible, and it involves getting enough sleep.” Setting a bedtime schedule and routine—and sticking to it—will help prevent tantrums that occur because children are tired. 11. Maintain consistent consequences. Mixed messages confuse young children and are more likely to invite tantrums in the future. Instead, says Fargo’s Rob Carroll, nurse and father of three boys, “Set rules with reasonable consequences you know you can and will enforce and that are understandable to the child.” Parents who set clear consequences for tantrum behavior, and follow through, teach children limits and provide them with preferred alternatives. 12. Don’t engage during a tantrum. Let your children know you will interact with them as soon as they stop their tantrum behavior. Mandi McFadden, a parent educator and mother of two from
Pine Island, Minn., says, “Tell them you will talk to them when they are ready to talk nicely. Ignore the bad behavior.” Children want to be heard. Explain to them how they must act in order for you to listen or help them with something. Will these 12 tips solve all tantrum issues with young children? No. Young children have varied personalities and tantrum behaviors are part of learning to understand and handle emotions. However, you will be more successful teaching young children about emotions and minimizing tantrums if you employ some of these tips from parents and experienced parent educators. Reinforce your love for the children in your life, use reasoning and communication to help them understand emotions, and help them to learn limits that will enable them to interact well with others. Sean Brotherson is an associate professor of child development and family science at North Dakota State University. He lives in Fargo with his wife, Kristen, and their eight children. He enjoys reading, writing, horses, fishing, and serving his faith community.
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Convenience Your Way
Keeping your busy family’s health on track can be one big challenge. Help is here with the new Sanford Health app. Dr. Heidi Twedt, mother of two and Vice President - Chief Applications Officer at Sanford in Fargo, recently experienced a key benefit. At home completing her daughter’s camp form, she came to the vaccination section. “In past years it would’ve meant a phone call or digging through file folders,” she says. “Instead I just went to the Sanford Health app on my smartphone and all the vaccination records were right there. Convenient access to information is one of the biggest wins.” The Sanford Health app along with “My Sanford Chart,” which is available to anyone with online access, connects you to your family’s medical records and more. Patients now learn about these options when they come in for an appointment or by visiting sanfordhealth. org. “These tools empower patients and bring convenience to busy lives,” says Dr. Twedt. “We’ve taken great care to make sure they’re user-friendly and secure.”
Find a location, make an appointment
Imagine you’re on a camping trip in northern Minnesota and one of your kids develops a rash. Where’s the nearest Sanford Walk-In Clinic? “The find-a-location feature will tell you exactly what you need to know— address, hours, even wait-times,” says Dr. Twedt. “And when you get there, they’ll already have your medical information—almost all Sanford
locations now use the same electronic medical chart.” The wait-time feature can be useful, too, in determining the best time to visit a walk-in clinic. “I might check the wait-time at the Children’s Walk-In Clinic and see that it’s only 10 minutes,” says Dr. Twedt. “I’m going to hustle over there right now.” Or perhaps it’s time for a well-child check. Scheduling is easy. Just message in to your clinic and let them know the time that suits you.
24/7 access to information
Today’s technology lets you see your and your child’s medical information any time. This includes certain types of lab and test results, height and weight measurements at previous wellchild visits, doctor’s notes on various conditions, and more. “Being able to see what happened at an appointment is particularly beneficial when one parent brings a child in and the other parent is at work,” says Dr. Twedt. “The parent at work can log in and view the after-visit summary and see the physician’s instructions. This keeps everyone informed.”
Message your care team
For certain situations, you can now conveniently message your care team. Typically you’ll receive an answer within two business days. “Let’s say you have a plantar wart that’s not getting better. That’s a situation where sending a message would be perfect,” says Dr. Twedt. “But if your child is having an asthma attack, you’ll definitely want to directly contact your care team with a phone call.”
Request prescription renewals
No refills left on your prescription? No problem. “My Sanford Chart” allows you to request prescription renewals.
Get connected
Sign up for My Sanford Chart in two ways: • Visit mysanfordchart.org • Talk to your nurse at your next Sanford Clinic appointment The Sanford Health app is offered free of charge by visiting sanfordhealth.org and downloading thru the App Store or Google Play. “What I love most about the Sanford Health app is it’s with me all the time,” says Dr. Twedt. “That’s true convenience.”
This medical update was brought to you by Sanford Health. Learn more at www.sanfordhealth.org. family
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Calendar of Events
To include your event in our family-friendly calendar, email shendricksen@TheVillageFamily.org. Deadline for October/November calendar is September 2, 2013 Although we strive to be as accurate as possible, please call ahead to verify information, registration requirements, or event fees. Due to limited space, we are unable to include all submissions.
AUGUST EVENTS 8.1 Thursday • Park It. 1-4 p.m., Kennedy Park, 4501 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-4997788 or www.fargoparks.com • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Cruisin’ Broadway. 5-9 p.m., downtown Fargo, www.downtownfargo.com • “Chicago.” Presented by West Fargo Summer Arts Intensive. 7:30 p.m., West Fargo High School Theatre, 801 9th St. E., West Fargo, 701-499-1971 or www.westfargotheatre.com • “Shrek The Musical.” Presented by Trollwood Performing Arts School. 8:30 p.m., Imagine Amphitheater, Bluestem Center for the Arts, 801 50th Ave. S.W., Moorhead, 218-477-6500 or www.trollwood.org 8.2 Friday • FM RedHawks vs. Winnipeg Goldeyes. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com
Inspiring dreams
8.3 Saturday •F M Mounted Posse Horse Show. 9 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-428-3397 •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com •F M RedHawks vs. Winnipeg Goldeyes. 6 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com • “Chicago.” Presented by West Fargo Summer Arts Intensive. 7:30 p.m., West Fargo High School Theatre, 801 9th St. E., West Fargo, 701-499-1971 or www.westfargotheatre.com • “Shrek The Musical.” Presented by Trollwood Performing Arts School. 8:30 p.m., Imagine Amphitheater, Bluestem Center for the Arts, 801 50th Ave. S.W., Moorhead, 218-477-6500 or www.trollwood.org 8.4 Sunday •F M Mounted Posse Horse Show. 9 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-428-3397 •F M RedHawks vs. Winnipeg Goldeyes. 1 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com • “Chicago.” Presented by West Fargo Summer Arts Intensive. 2:30 p.m., West Fargo High School Theatre, 801 9th St. E., West Fargo, 701-499-1971 or www.westfargotheatre.com
&
achievement Join us for fall ECFE classes for infants, toddlers and preschoolers.
8.5 Monday •F armers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org
Call or go online for a list of classes open to all families in Moorhead and the surrounding area.
218-284-3400
https://communityed.moorheadschools.org
Early Childhood Family Education A Community Education Program of Moorhead Area Public Schools 24
• “Chicago.” Presented by West Fargo Summer Arts Intensive. 7:30 p.m., West Fargo High School Theatre, 801 9th St. E., West Fargo, 701-499-1971 or www.westfargotheatre.com • “Shrek The Musical.” Presented by Trollwood Performing Arts School. 8:30 p.m., Imagine Amphitheater, Bluestem Center for the Arts, 801 50th Ave. S.W., Moorhead, 218-477-6500 or www.trollwood.org
August/September 2013
8.6 Tuesday •A dopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. Meet animals available for adoption. 6-8 p.m., PETCO, 1126 43rd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-232-5856 or www.adoptapetfm.org •4 Luv of Dog Rescue “Meet the Dogs.” Visit dogs available for adoption. 6-8 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701205-0190 or www.4luvofdog.org •R eading/Signing of “Gridlock.” Author Senator Byron L. Dorgan. 7 p.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com •F M RedHawks vs. St. Paul Saints. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.7 Wednesday •C hildren’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com •H umane Society FM Open House. Food, fun, and festivities. 4:30-7 p.m., Humane Society FM, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-239-0077
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• Family Fun Concert. 7-8:30 p.m., Island Park, 302 7th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • FM RedHawks vs. St. Paul Saints. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.8 Thursday • Park It. 1-4 p.m., Bennett Park, 1900 58th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Heading Home. Fundraising event for Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. Social hour at 5:30 p.m., dinner at 6:30 p.m., program at 7 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo. RSVP for dinner by July 29 at 701-364-0264 or c.isom@dakotaranch.org (See ad pg. 26) • Music Montage. 6-8 p.m., Great Northern Park, 425 N. Broadway, Fargo, 701-4997788 or www.fargoparks.com • FM RedHawks vs. St. Paul Saints. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.9 Friday • FM Pride 5K Run/Walk. Details and registration at www.fmpride.com. 7 p.m., Dike East, 100 2nd St. S., Fargo 8.10 Saturday • United Way School Supply Drive Backpack Distribution. Registration forms at www.unitedwaycassclay.org. To receive a backpack, each child must bring ID (Social Security card, report card, student ID) and completed registration form. 8-11:30 a.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-237-5050 • Fiber Arts Festival. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • Pride in the Park. Noon-5 p.m., Gooseberry Park, 100 22nd Ave. S., Moorhead, www.fmpride.com 8.11 Sunday • Fiber Arts Festival. Noon-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com 8.12 Monday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org
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• Outdoor Zumba. 5:30-6:30 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-2374805 or www.courtsplus.org • Fargo Rock Concert. 7-9 p.m., Dike West, 310 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • FM RedHawks vs. Rockland Boulders. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com • Movie Night in the Park. Dusk, Island Park, 302 7th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com 8.13 Tuesday • United Way School Supply Drive Backpack Distribution. Registration forms at www.unitedwaycassclay.org. To receive a backpack, each child must bring ID (Social Security card, report card, student ID) and completed registration form. 4-7 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-237-5050 • Splish Splash & Play at the YMCA. Call for details. 4:30-6:30 p.m., Schlossman YMCA, 4243 19th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-2810126 • West Fargo Parks Dog Show. Registration at 5:30 p.m., agility demonstration at 6 p.m., dog show begins at 6:30 p.m. Register at West Fargo Park District office or www.wfparks.org. 5:307:30 p.m., North Elmwood Park Shelter, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-4335360 • Furry Friends Pet Walk. 5:30 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-237-4805 or www.courtsplus.org • Moorhead RiverArts. 5:30-8 p.m., Memorial Park, 210 8th St. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • FM RedHawks vs. Rockland Boulders. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.14 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • Family Fun Concert. 7-8:30 p.m., Brunsdale Park, 1702 27th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • FM RedHawks vs. Rockland Boulders. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.15 Thursday • Community Play Day. 9-11 a.m. & 1-3 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com
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8.15 Thursday (cont.) • FM RedHawks vs. Rockland Boulders. 12:30 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com • Big Screen Movie Matinee. Bring a blanket or lawn chair. Bleachers will be available. 1 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Park It. 1-4 p.m., Village West Park, 4415 9th Ave. Circle S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Symphony Rocks @ Bluestem. VIP preparty at 5:30, concert at 8 p.m., Bluestem Center for the Arts, 801 50th Ave. S.W., Moorhead, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org 8.16 Friday • KidSwap Fall/Winter Consignment Sale. Family fun day with games and prizes. Noon-7 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.KidSwapSales.com • Pioneer Days: Crossing of the Red River Ceremony. 2-8 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-2822822 or www.bonanzaville.org
Heading Home...
an Event for the Children at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
Aug. 8, 2013 Holiday Inn, Fargo
5:30 p.m. social hour 6:30 p.m. dinner 7 p.m. program No charge for dinner at this fundraising event. RSVP for dinner by July 29 to 701.364.0264 or c.isom@dakotaranch.org. Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
TM
Pigs ‘n a Blanket
lunch & live quilt auction
Saturday, Sept. 14 Davies High School 7150 25th St. S., Fargo Quilt preview: 10 a.m.
Lunch: 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. Live Quilt Auction: Noon
8.17 Saturday • ND Appaloosa Horse Show. 8 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-391-9455 • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • KidSwap Fall/Winter Consignment Sale. 10 a.m.-3 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.KidSwapSales.com • Pioneer Days. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Dog Fair. Supply drive, carnival games, food, and vendors. 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 4 Luv of Dog Facility, 1523 23rd St. S., Moorhead, 701-205-0190 or www.4luvofdog.org • BMX Jam. 3:30 p.m., Dike West Skate Park, 310 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com 8.18 Sunday • ND Appaloosa Horse Show. 8 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-391-9455 • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • KidSwap Fall/Winter Consignment Sale. Most remaining items marked down 50%. 11 a.m.-2 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.KidSwapSales.com • Pioneer Days. Noon-5 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-2822822 or www.bonanzaville.org 8.19 Monday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org 8.20 Tuesday • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. Meet animals available for adoption. 6-8 p.m., PETCO, 1126 43rd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-232-5856 or www.adoptapetfm.org 8.21 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Moorhead Corn Feed. Corn is provided; bring whatever else you would like to eat and utensils. Food also available for purchase. Inflatable games, clown, barrel train, and face painting. 5:30 p.m., Prexy’s Pond, Concordia College, Moorhead
8.22 Thursday •F armers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org 8.23 Friday •P otato Days Festival. Visit www.potatodays.com for event schedule. Barnesville, Minn., 800-525-4901 •F M RedHawks vs. Kansas City T-Bones. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.24 Saturday •P otato Days Festival. Visit www.potatodays.com for event schedule. Barnesville, Minn., 800-525-4901 •N D Pinto Horse Show. 8 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-793-3176 • Walk to Defeat ALS. Funds raised will help provide programs and services to people living with ALS and their families. For questions/registration, contact Chelsea at 888-672-0484 or Chelsea@alsmn.org. Registration at 8:30 a.m., walk at 10 a.m., Lindenwood Park, 1905 Roger Maris Drive, Fargo, www.walktodefeatals.org •M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • I sland Park Show. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Island Park, 302 7th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 29) •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com •F M RedHawks vs. Kansas City T-Bones. 6 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.25 Sunday •N D Pinto Horse Show. 8 a.m., Horse Arena, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-793-3176 •M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • I sland Park Show. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Island Park, 302 7th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 29) •S treetsAlive! Noon-5 p.m., downtown Fargo-Moorhead, www.fmstreetsalive.org •F M RedHawks vs. Kansas City T-Bones. 1 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com
For more info, contact Carla Isom at 701.364.0264 or c.isom@dakotaranch.org.
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8.26 Monday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org
9.19 MSUM Performing Arts Series: Matt Haimovitz & Christopher O’Riley Photo Credit: Sarah Scott
8.27 Tuesday • FM RedHawks vs. Amarillo Sox. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.28 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • FM RedHawks vs. Amarillo Sox. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.29 Thursday • Dog Swim. Proceeds benefit the Moorhead Dog Park. Dogs should have a collar, ID tags, be properly licensed, vaccinated, and in good health to swim. 4-7 p.m., South Park wading pool, 2102 14th St. S., Northeast Park wading pool, 1817 8th Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-2995340 or www.moorheadparks.com • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • FM RedHawks vs. Amarillo Sox. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.30 Friday • Western Minnesota Steam Threshers Reunion. Rollag, Minn., 701-212-2034 or www.rollag.com • FM RedHawks vs. Amarillo Sox. 7:02 p.m., Newman Outdoor Field, 1515 15th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-235-6161 or www.fmredhawks.com 8.31 Saturday • Western Minnesota Steam Threshers Reunion. Rollag, Minn., 701-212-2034 or www.rollag.com • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com
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SEPTEMBER 2013 EVENTS 9.1 Sunday • Western Minnesota Steam Threshers Reunion. Rollag, Minn., 701-212-2034 or www.rollag.com • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) 9.2 Monday • Western Minnesota Steam Threshers Reunion. Rollag, Minn., 701-212-2034 or www.rollag.com • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org 9.4 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 2 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org
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9.5 Thursday •G reater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com (See ad pg. 33) •C hocolate Fantasy and Chili, Too! Annual fundraiser for the YWCA emergency shelter. 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-232-2547 or www.ywcacassclay.org •F armers’ Mark et & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org •e mbrace Cancer Survivorship Picnic. All are welcome. For questions or to sign up, contact Jenna Linder at 701-234-7463. 5-8 p.m., Bluestem Center for the Arts, 801 50th St. S.W., Moorhead •C ruisin’ Broadway. 5-9 p.m., downtown Fargo, www.downtownfargo.com 9.6 Friday •G reater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com (See ad pg. 33) • Taylor Swift Concert. 7 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-2419100 or www.fargodome.com •B ack to School Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-8:30 p.m., TNT Kid’s Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.org
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• Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org 9.10 Tuesday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • Big Iron Craft Show. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org • Big Iron Farm Show. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-282-2200 or www.bigironfarmshow.com • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. Meet animals available for adoption. 6-8 p.m., PETCO, 1126 43rd St. S.W., Fargo, 701232-5856 or www.adoptapetfm.org
9.6 Taylor Swift: The Red Tour featuring Ed Sheeran
9.6 Friday (cont.) • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.7 Saturday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com (See ad pg. 33) • Ride the Red. Bike ride and walk for Hospice of the Red River Valley. Check-in at 9 a.m., ride at 9:30 a.m., walk at 9:45 a.m., Trefoil Park, 1321 Elm St. N., Fargo, 800-237-4629 or www.hrrv.org • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue “Meet the Dogs.” Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-205-0190 or www.4luvofdog.org • NDSU Football vs. Ferris State. 4 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com
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• “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701235-6778 or www.fmct.org • ILLUMINIGHT 5K. Nighttime fun run. 8:24 p.m., 22 Broadway, Fargo, www.illuminight5k.com 9.8 Sunday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com (See ad pg. 33) • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-4457361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • Walk of Hope. A walk for suicide remembrance and awareness. Registration at 1:30 p.m., walk at 2 p.m., courtyard between Fargo Public Main Library and Fargo Civic Center, 701-2936462 or www.myfirstlink.org • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 2 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.9 Monday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com (See ad pg. 33)
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9.11 Wednesday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • Big Iron Craft Show. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org • Big Iron Farm Show. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-282-2200 or www.bigironfarmshow.com • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com 9.12 Thursday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • Big Iron Craft Show. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org • Big Iron Farm Show. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-282-2200 or www.bigironfarmshow.com • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.13 Friday • Greater Moorhead Days. 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701235-6778 or www.fmct.org
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9.14 Saturday • 61for61 Home Run/Walk. 10K, 5K Run/Walk, and Youth Run. Visit www.61for61.sanfordhealth.org for event schedule. Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo • Mudman Race. Details and registration at www.mudmanrace.com. Buffalo River Race Park, Glyndon, Minn. • Walk for Autism. Proceeds help fund the AuSome Kids Day Program. Registration at 9 a.m., walk at 10 a.m., Aurora Elementary/Rendezvous Park, 3420 9th St. W., West Fargo, 701277-8844 or www.ndautismcenter.org • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) • Humane Society FM Paws Walk. Registration at 9:30 a.m., walk at 10:30 a.m., Lindenwood Park, 1905 Roger Maris Dr., Fargo, 701-239-0077 • Pigs ‘n a Blanket. Quilt preview at 10 a.m., lunch at 11 a.m.1 p.m., live quilt auction at noon, Davies High School, 7150 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-364-0264 or c.isom@dakotaranch.org (See ad pg. 26) • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • “Schoolhouse.” Presented by Tin Roof Theatre Company. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.15 Sunday • Minnesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) 9.16 Monday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org
•M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) •F all Festival. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 32) •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com •N DSU Football vs. Delaware State. 2:30 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com •S treetsAlive! 2:30-5 p.m., West Fargo, www.fmstreetsalive.org •F M Derby Girls/Rock City Riot Fan Appreciation Bout. Meet the skaters at 5 p.m., action starts at 5:30 p.m., Southwest Youth Hockey Arena, 4404 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, www.fmderbygirls.com • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.22 Sunday •M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) •F all Festival. Noon-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 32) •H onkin’ Haulin’ Hands on Trucks. 1-3 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena parking lot, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 2 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.23 Monday •F armers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org
9.18 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 9.19 Thursday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www. wfparks.org • From Resistance to Relationship: The Nurtured Heart Approach® for Tweens & Teens – Free Parent Night. 6:30-8:30 p.m., Discovery Middle School, 1717 40th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-2415700 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension • MSUM Performing Arts Series: Matt Haimovitz & Christopher O’Riley. 7:30 p.m., Gaede Stage, Roland Dille Center for the Arts, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2271 or www.mnstate.edu/perform 9.20 Friday • From Resistance to Relationship: The Nurtured Heart Approach® for Tweens & Teens – Parent & Professional Workshop. 8:30 a.m.- 4 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-241-5700 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.21 Saturday • Fall Rummage Sale. Crafts, garage sale items, antiques, and collectibles. 7 a.m.-1 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer’s care, support, and research. Registration at 8 a.m., walk at 9 a.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-2779757 or www.alz.org/walk
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9.24 Tuesday • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. Meet animals available for adoption. 6-8 p.m., PETCO, 1126 43rd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-232-5856 or www.adoptapetfm.org 9.25 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 9.26 Thursday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • The Black Bib Affair. Culinary gala for March of Dimes. 5:30-9 p.m., Ramada Plaza & Suites, 1635 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-2355530 or www.theblackbibaffair.com (See ad pg. 3) • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.27 Friday • HBA of F-M Fall Home Show. Noon-8 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.hbafm.com/events/home-shows/fallshow.html • National Gymnastics Day Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-8:30 p.m., TNT Kid’s Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.org • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org
9.28 Saturday •S ports Car Club of America Auto Test Course. Midway, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-351-5600 •F irstChoice Clinic Life Walk. Registration at 8:30 a.m., walk at 9 a.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, www.teamfirstchoice.com •H BA of F-M Fall Home Show. 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.hbafm.com/events/home-shows/ fall-show.html •M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) •G erman Culture Day. 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www.hcscconline.org (See ad below) •F all Festival. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 32) •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S.W., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com •4 Luv of Dog Rescue “Meet the Dogs.” Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-205-0190 or www.4luvofdog.org •G erman Rhinelander Dinner. Tickets required. Contact Tim Jorgensen at 218-299-5511 ext. 6737 for more information. 6-8 p.m., Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, www.hcscconline.org •M asterworks Concert I. 7:30 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org • “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Presented by Bare Stage Theatre. 7:30 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-6778 or www.fmct.org 9.29 Sunday •S ports Car Club of America Auto Test Course. Midway, RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 Main Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-351-5600 •M innesota Renaissance Festival. 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Shakopee, Minn., 952-445-7361 or www.renaissancefest.com (See ad pg. 31) •R ed River Breast Cancer Walk. Proceeds benefit LIVESTRONG at the YMCA. Registration and activities at 11 a.m., fashion show at 12:30 p.m., walk at 1 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.fmbreastcancerwalk.org •F all Festival. Noon-5 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com (See ad pg. 32) •M asterworks Concert I. 2 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org 9.30 Monday •F armers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org •F M College & Career Fair. Visit with more than 80 colleges and prospective employers. 6-8 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656
PUBLIC LIBRARIES
Call or visit the library for more information. Pre-registration may be required.
Hjemkomst Center 202 1st Ave N, Moorhead 218-299-5511 www.hcscconline.org This activity is made possible by the voters of Minnesota through grants from the Lake Region Arts Council, thanks to a legislative appropriation from the Arts and Cultural Heritage fund
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Fargo Public Main Library 102 3rd St. N., Fargo, 701-241-1472 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers & Preschoolers. Registration required. Call for details • Teen Chef Competition. Registration required. Aug. 1, 2 p.m. • Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos). Aug. 1 & 15, Sept. 5 & 19, 6:30 p.m.
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• Chess Club. Open to all ages and levels. Thursdays, 5:30-8:30 p.m. • Free Friday Movies. Aug. 2, 1 p.m. • Infrared Astronomy. Open to kids of all ages. Aug. 6, 6:30 p.m. • Pluto & the Seven Dwarfs. Open to kids of all ages. Aug. 13, 6:30 p.m. • Blue Plate Special: Storytime for Adults. Bring a bag lunch. Aug. 14 & Sept. 11, 12:15-12:45 p.m. • Teens & Chemistry with Dr. Graeme Wyllie. Registration required. Aug. 17, 1 p.m. • 3.2.1 Event: “Inside the Whale” Film Screening. Sept. 15, 2 p.m. • Saturday Storytime. Sept. 21, 10 a.m. • Current History Book Club. Sept. 24, 7 p.m. • Crime Novels in Norway & Sweden Today. Sept. 29, 2 p.m. • Computer Classes. Call for details Dr. James Carlson Library 2801 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-476-4040 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers & Preschoolers. Registration required. Call for details • Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos). Aug. 1 & 15, Sept. 5 & 19, 10 a.m. • Free Friday Movies. Aug. 2 & Sept. 13, 1 p.m. • Tea Time Book Club. Aug. 12, 6:30 p.m.; Sept. 8, 2:30 p.m. • Unraveled Crafters Club. Sept. 8 & 22, 1 p.m. • Magic Tree House Book Club. Grades 1-4. Registration required. Sept. 15, 2 p.m. • Saturday Storytime. Sept. 14, 10 a.m. • Computer Classes. Call for details
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Northport Branch 2714 N. Broadway, Fargo, 701-476-4026 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers & Preschoolers. Registration required. Call for details • Saturday Storytime. Sept. 7, 10 a.m. • Northport Classic Book Club. Sept. 18, 6:30 p.m. West Fargo Public Library 109 3rd St. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5460 or www.westfargolibrary.org • Children’s Simply Stories. Tuesdays, 10:15 a.m. • Storytime with Craft. For preschoolers and their caretakers. Tuesdays, 1:30 p.m.; Thursdays, 6:30 p.m. • Knitty Giddy. Adult group; bring your own supplies. Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. • Friday Morning Movies. Fridays, 10:30 a.m. • Genealogy Saturdays. A staff genealogist will be available. Saturdays, noon-4 p.m. • Saturday New Release Movies. Call for titles. Aug. 10 & 24, Sept. 14, 2 p.m. • Free Crafting. Aug. 12, 1:30 p.m. • Teacups Book Club. Open to all adults. Aug. 12 & Sept. 9, 7 p.m. • Wow! School! Please pre-register. Aug. 13, 1:30-2:30 p.m. • Board Games. Aug. 15, 7-8 p.m. • Teen Craft. Registration required. Aug. 20, 6:30-7:30 p.m. • Homework Center. Opens Sept. 9 for the school year. Grades 1-8. Mon.-Thurs., 3-5 p.m. on days school is in session • Computer Classes. Call or stop in to register
Fall Festival
September 21-22 & 28-29 Saturdays 10am-5pm, Sundays 12-5pm Rheault Farm, 2902 25 St S
Free Admission
Wristband for games and rides $5.50 • Play carnival games • Make Fall crafts • See live animals from Clay County 4-H • Visit the Pumpkin Patch • Ride the Barrel Train Rides • See clowns and strolling entertainment • Sept. 21-22 Pony Rides • Sept. 21-22 Hopper Ball Races • Sept. 28-29 Horse Drawn Rides
499-7788 | www.fargoparks.com
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Moorhead Public Library 118 5th St. S., Moorhead, 218-233-7594 or www.larl.org •O pen Computer Practice. Mondays, 2-3 p.m. •O rigami Skillshare. All ages and experience levels welcome. Mondays, 6:30 p.m. •B aby Bounce. For parents and babies (up to age 2). Thursdays, 10 a.m. •S torytime. Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m.; Wednesdays, 10:30 a.m. •C raft Time. Tuesdays following storytime • Wii Wednesday. Aug. 6 & Sept. 4, 6 p.m. •R ed River Zoo Zoomobile. Aug. 7, 2 p.m. •L EGO Club. Aug. 8 & Sept. 12, 6 p.m.; Aug. 24 & Sept. 28, 2 p.m. • The Bug Man. Aug. 14, 2 p.m. • Yell in the Library. Teens: Play games, have snacks, volunteer, plan events, and more! Aug. 19 & Sept. 16, 7 p.m. •C lassics Book Club. Aug. 20 & Sept. 17, 7 p.m. • The Hatter’s Mad Tea Party. Aug. 21, 2 p.m. •D ig into the Garden. Aug. 28, 2 p.m. • Talent Show & Reading Awards Ceremony. Aug. 29, 6 p.m. •M ake It Yourself. Sept. 12, 7-8 p.m. •L egacy Event: Roger Radley. Sept. 24, 10:30 a.m.
CLASSES
Call for information. Pre-registration may be required. The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org • O.I.N.K.S.: Outside Inside Neat Kids’ Stuff Early Childhood Family Education (See ad pg. 24) Probstfield Center for Education, 2410 14th St. S., Moorhead, 218284-3400 or https://communityed.moorhead.k12.mn.us • Family Fun (Birth-kindergarten entry) • Family Fun with Little Ones (Birth-3 yrs) • Family Fun with Older Ones (3 yrs-kindergarten entry) • Ones & Twos (12-36 mos) • Splish! Splash! Indoor Version (Birth-kindergarten entry) • Weird, Wild, Wacky Art (2 yrs-kindergarten entry) Essentia Health OB Education 3000 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-364-8100 or www.essentiahealth.org • Breastfeeding Class • Car Seat Safety • Great Expectations • Infant Massage • Lamaze • Mom’s Helpers Fargo Air Museum 1609 19th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-293-8043 or www.fargoairmuseum.org • Plane Camp FM Ambulance 701-364-1758 or www.fmambulance.com • BLAST Babysitting Course • Heartsaver CPR • Pediatric First Aid Fargo Park District 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Accelerated Artists • Awesome Art Afternoon • Create & Explore • Me-n-My Shadow • Penny & Pals Workshop
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Fraser, Ltd. 2902 University Dr. S., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Infant/Child & Adult CPR/First Aid Hospice of the Red River Valley 1701 38th St. S., Fargo, 701-356-1500 or www.hrrv.org • Grief Journeys
MSUM Art Gallery Roland Dille Center for the Arts, MSUM, Moorhead, 701-388-6512 or schliesman@mnstate.edu •N ew York City Exhibition. Aug. 26-Sept. 19 •B A/BS Exhibition. Begins Sept. 23
Music-n-Play 408-857-4341 or www.music-n-play.com • Parent-Child Music Classes (Infant-4 yrs) Plains Art Museum (See ad pg. 42) 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-3821 or www.plainsart.org • Story Time • Youth & Adult Art Experiences Parenting Resource Center 701-241-5700 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension Red River Zoo 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org • ZOOniversity Sanford Health Community Education 1711 S. University Dr., Fargo, 701-234-5570, 877-234-4240 or www.sanfordhealth.org • Baby Signs • Baby’s First Ride • Better Choices, Better Health Workshop • Breastfeeding Beginnings • Caring for Your Newborn • C.A.R.S. (Children & Restraint Systems) • Family & Friends CPR • Infant Massage • Labor – What to Expect • Lamaze • Our Family is Having a Baby • Safe & Sound – Preparing Your Home for Baby TNT Kid’s Fitness 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.com • Flippin’ Fun Gymnastics Camp • S.O.A.R. After School Program U of M Extension 218-236-2005 • Parents Forever The Village Financial Resource Center 1201 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-3328 or www.HelpWithMoney.org • Bankruptcy Education • Homebuyer Education • Tenant Education West Fargo Park District 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Little Pioneers Camp
MUSEUMS & EXHIBITS Call for additional information.
Cass County Museum 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org Fargo Air Museum 1609 19th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-293-8043 or www.fargoairmuseum.org • Gathering of Legends Exhibit. Aug. 8-11
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Historical & Cultural Society of Clay County Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www.hcscconline.org • The Saint John’s Bible. Aug. 1-Sept. 15 • The Vikings: Master Mariners, Traders, Colonists. Begins Sept. 24
Plains Art Museum 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-3821 or www.plainsart.org • Wing Young Huie: Hidden Fargo in Plain Sight • I n Memoriam: Timothy Ray & Steve Kramer. Ends Aug. 18 •M odern Spirit: The Art of George Morrison. Ends Sept. 1 •B rian Frank: Pet Portraits. Ends Sept. 22 The Rourke Art Museum & Gallery Museum: 521 Main Ave., Moorhead, Gallery: 523 S. 4th St., Moorhead, 218-236-8861 or www.therourke.org •5 4th Midwestern: Signed. Sealed. Delivered. Ends Sept. 1 •G reg Montreuil: Wrestling with Space. Ends Sept. 1
Celebrate Greater Moorhead Days September 5 - 13 Thurs 05 Fri 06
5K Run • Walk • Rollathon creativecare.org or 218.331.2024
Parade
Enter your float!
6:00 pm | 20th Street S
Sat Bounce-A-Palooza 07 12:00 - 7:00 pm | MB Johnson Park
| $10 unlimited bouncing
Miss Moorhead Scholarship Pageant 7:00 pm | MSUM Weld Hall | $15 | missmoorhead.com
Sun Bocce Challenge (Doubles Tournament) 08 3:00 pm | Romkey Park | Call to register Mon Kid’s Fest 09 5:30 to 7:30 pm |
Gooseberry Park | FREE
Medallion Hunt begins Monday, Sept. 9 with clues being announced each morning until all five medallions are found. See website for full details and prizes!
moorheadparks.com | 299.5340 villagefamilymag.org
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YOUR FAMILY z feature
By Tammy Noteboom
Thirteen-year-old Ashley Nedrebo was sleeping in her room with her dog, Cody, when he starting whining and woke her up. She got up to let him out, and when she opened the door, she saw her mom and sister and several of her aunts all standing in the hallway crying. “Oh, crap,” she thought to herself. And then her mom said, “There was an accident with your dad…he passed away in a car accident this morning.” Ashley fell to her knees, covered her face with her hands, and sobbed. The next thing she remembers is sitting on a chair in the living room, watching “Quantum Leap” on TV and wishing she could go back in time to change what happened. Sixteen years later, the memories of that tragic day and the events that followed are vivid in Ashley’s memory. “I remember the funeral and the people who were there, what he was wearing and what he looked like. family
I remember thinking he wasn’t dead. That he was going to sit up and start talking. He just looked like he was sleeping,” Ashley says. And then began the grieving process which reminded Ashley over and over that her dad wasn’t coming back. Just as death is a fact of life, it’s a fact of life that children grieve. Alan Wofelt, author of “Companioning the Grieving Child,” says, “any child old enough to love is old enough to mourn.” Ashley was 13 when her dad died, and fortunately her mother was open to talking about her father’s death and helping Ashley grieve. But many of us prefer to avoid grief. Wendy Tabor Buth, bereavement supervisor with Hospice of the Red River Valley, says we love to talk about the birth of beautiful babies, but we don’t like to talk about death, which is also a natural part of life. “We are like a drive-through society. Things happen, we see a need, we meet it, and then we go on. We want to do that with our grief. We want to be over and done with it,” says Tabor Buth. Adults especially want to do that with children because they see their role as that of protector. They want to shield children from pain, when the best way to help them mourn the loss of someone they love is to walk beside them as they move through the pain.
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Grieving at Every Age
How children grieve varies depending on the child’s age, personality, and circumstances. Infants and toddlers may not understand death, but they do know that someone is missing from their world. And they sense the grief of the people around them. They may cry more than usual, sleep more or less, or change their eating patterns. Like infants and toddlers, older children may not understand the finality of death, but they understand that something has changed. Fear is a common grief reaction for children. “For kids, that scared feeling comes from, ‘What if this happens to someone else close to me? If this happened to my grandma, can it happen to my mom or dad?’” says Tabor Buth. This fear often makes children clingy or revert to previous behaviors like wetting the bed, wanting to sleep with their parents, or being afraid to be away from their parents. Teenagers grieve much like adults by feeling sadness, guilt, and regret. Yet grief is complicated in teenagers because adolescence is already such a confusing and chaotic time in their lives. In her book, “Parenting a Grieving Child,” Mary DeTurris Poust says, “Teenagers often withdraw, pretend they are not affected, and act as though death cannot touch them. Those feelings of immortality and that attitude of disinterest can carry them through the early days or months of grief—but eventually, everything catches up with them. They soon realize that even they must stop to grieve and find a way to learn to live within a new kind of framework.”
Because teenagers understand death, they are more frightened than younger children, says Julie Hersch, school counselor at West Fargo High School. Death makes teens aware of their own mortality. It makes them curious and changes the way they think about life, positive or negative. “Some kids think, ‘Why bother because I’m just going to die anyway?’” says Hersch. “Others see this as an opportunity to look at where they’ve been and where they want to be.” Unfortunately, Hersch is all too familiar with grieving teenagers. Death was a pervasive theme of West Fargo’s 2012-2013 school year. A student lost her baby to crib death in the fall, and then the school community lost five students. “We also had several parent deaths,” Hersch says. “It just never quit.” Hersch says the most important thing she learned during this tragic year is that teenagers want adults to be a part of their lives. “Sometimes kids push parents away because they feel like they don’t understand,” she says. “Yes, they are finding their independence, but they need adult supervision and parameters. When kids don’t have that, their lives are a mess.” And when their lives are a mess, their ability to deal with death is compromised. Even when adults are there for their kids, the journey through grief is not without detours and dead ends along the way. A few years after her father died, Ashley started using drugs. “I felt like I was escaping and didn’t have to deal with the fact that my dad wasn’t there. When I was high, I didn’t have to think about it and I was happy.”
“Any child old enough to love is old enough to mourn.”
Walking with Your Child Through Grief
You won’t be able to protect your children from the sadness and confusion that accompanies grief, but you can walk beside them as they go through it. Here are some tips for facilitating the grieving process for your children. Help children understand what happened. Poust says, “It is up to us parents to help them make sense of the chaos and to give them the basic information they need to process the event. Tell them the truth and don’t use confusing terms for death. You don’t need to give them the gory details about the death, but you have to give them the true story. Ninety-nine percent of the time they know the real story anyway. Not telling them the truth breaks your trust with them.” Failing to talk about what really happened impacted Kay Bradlich’s mother, Audrey, her entire life. When Audrey was 12 years old, she came down the stairs one morning to find her father in a coffin in the middle of the living room. Audrey’s mother gave her no information about how he died. Bradlich says of Audrey, “She found out later he died of cirrhosis of the liver and was a disgrace to the family. In her eyes, he walked on water. To keep this from her was very unsettling and bothered her until the day she died.” Kriston Wenzel, bereavement specialist at Hospice of the Red River Valley, suggests you ask children to tell you what they know, and then fill in the missing details in terms they can understand. “Adults who are willing to talk openly about the death help children understand that grief is a natural feeling when someone loved has died,” Wofelt says. “Children need adults 36
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to confirm that it’s all right to be sad and cry, and that the hurt they feel now won’t last forever.” Maintain a routine. Regardless of their age, children need to be able to fall back on familiar routines. This won’t always be easy, especially at the beginning when you’re preparing for the funeral and family and friends are coming and going. But get back to a routine as soon as possible. Also continue to enforce your family rules. Sometimes parents feel bad for their children, especially if they’ve lost their other parent, so they become more flexible. And some kids will take advantage of this, Wenzel says. “It’s really easy to give in, but structure and rules are so important to keeping kids on balance.” Allow children to attend the funeral. Don’t force them to attend, but give them the option and if the person who died is close to them, involve them in the preparations as much as possible. Sonja Kjar, Grief Support Coordinator, Boulger Funeral Home, says that even if there are tears and extreme sadness, it probably won’t be as hard for your children as you may think, and it will give you something to talk about later. Rituals are an important part of grief, and Kjar believes it’s important for kids and adults to have some sort of closing ritual. “They are part of the family, and I think the more present they are, the better,” Kjar says. The ways to involve kids in the funeral are as endless as your imagination. Older children can write something to read at the funeral, or give it to an adult to read. Young children might want to draw pictures and put them in the casket. Maybe the grandchildren have a favorite song and want to sing at the funeral. If the opportunity arises, Kjar encourages parents to take children to the funeral of someone who wasn’t super close to them. “It’s a great opportunity to expose them to those situations where it’s not highly emotional for them or their parents.” Steve Wright, owner of Wright Funeral Home, says, “When you suffer a loss, your instinct is to pull the covers over your head and make everyone go away. But I see time and time again how people gain great strength from community coming together around them. Putting their arms around them, lifting them up, and carrying them. That is just as true for kids as it is adults.” Give children the freedom to grieve in their own time and their own way. Kids, especially young kids, instinctively know they can’t handle all the pain at once, so they often experience it in bursts. They feel sad and cry, and then they go out and play like nothing has happened. Parents worry about their children when they do this, but grief experts assure parents that children will grieve as much as they need to, as long as they are allowed to do so. In some cases, children will need to redefine who they are now that their loved one is no longer present. Tasha Haug was 3 when her older sister, Tanya, died. According to her mother, Kay Bradlich, Tasha’s personality completely changed after Tanya’s death. Bradlich shares, “Tasha was totally dominated by her older sister. She didn’t even talk until after Tanya’s death. Then she started talking, and talked until she was hoarse. She took over helping me and was so nurturing—she wasn’t that way before Tanya died.” Kay worried that Tasha was growing up too fast, but she talked to a child psychologist who told her she was doing the right thing by talking about Tanya, having her picture up, and leaving the door open for Tasha to talk about her if and when she was ready. family
When a Child’s Pet Dies
Kay Bradlich experienced a lot of runaway dogs and cats in her childhood—only to find out later they had died and her mother was trying to protect her by telling her they ran away. Other parents get a new pet right away so their children are distracted from mourning. Still others actually replace the pet in hopes that their children won’t know the difference. (Obviously this would be tough to do with a dog or cat, but it might work with a gerbil or a fish!) Whether it works or not, grief experts don’t recommend trying to shield our children from the death of their pets. Losing a pet is often the first introduction children have to death, and it can set the tone for their comfort with death and grieving throughout their lives. Kriston Wenzel, Hospice of the Red River Valley, says allowing our children to grieve the little losses, like losing a pet or not making the sports team, will affect their ability to accept and grieve the significant losses they will inevitably face. So when your pet dies, be honest with your children and allow them to grieve its loss. The loss of a pet is a good place to start learning about the circle of life and death—and to practice the grieving that goes with it.
If your children don’t want to talk about the death, don’t force them. Tabor Buth says, “Grieving is so different and individual. Some people cry when they are sad. Someone else will have the same loss and they don’t cry. It doesn’t mean they are grieving wrong, just that they are grieving differently. All you can do is present little openings for them to talk.” Find ways for your children to commemorate the person who died. Ashley’s mother put together a memory book for each of her children filled with pictures of them with their dad. “She also gave us angel necklaces,” Ashley says, “and then we put a matching necklace in the coffin with my dad.” Hospice gives out memory books filled with prompts and suggestions for remembering the person who died. It includes places to write things like why the person was special to them and what they miss about them, as well as places to draw pictures of the things that remind them of their loved one. You can also buy a scrapbook, or just staple together a bunch of pieces of paper to make a book, and help your children decorate and make their own. Don’t be afraid to cry in front of your children. How you grieve will teach your children what is acceptable and what’s not. Wenzel talks to parents all the time who don’t want to cry in front of their children because it may make them sad. “But then I talk to the kids and they tell me they hear their mom or dad crying in the bedroom at night.” “If you feel like you’re going to have a huge breakdown to where it’s out of control, maybe leave the room,” Tabor Buth says. “But otherwise it’s okay to show your tears.” Reassure kids that it’s okay to cry by saying to them something like, “I might start crying when we talk about this, but that’s okay.” They are more apt to be comfortable crying in front of you if they’ve seen you cry.
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When it’s Time to Seek Professional Help
Watch for changes in your child’s behavior to determine if they need professional help to get through the grieving process. Are they eating? How are they sleeping at night? How are their grades? Have they shown any difference in how they are interacting, or not interacting, with friends? In addition to these things, Hersch says in teens to watch for self-destructive behaviors like drugs, alcohol, cutting, risk-taking, driving too fast, and acting like they feel invincible. If you have any concerns about your child, Hospice of the Red River Valley provides individual and group support for all families, whether they were involved with Hospice during a loved one’s illness or not. For Hospice families, the support is ongoing as long as they need it. For people in the community who were not served by Hospice, they will provide short-term individual counseling, and refer them on if they feel they need support beyond three or four sessions. Ashley says her mother enrolled all three children in a Hospice group and it
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was the best thing she could have ever done. “My friends kind of looked at me differently and treated me differently. It was nice to be around people going through the same thing. They taught us that the feelings we were having were normal and helped us talk about those feelings.” When Ashley was getting high and hanging out with the wrong group of friends, the love and support of her mother and the things she learned through Hospice remained in the back of her mind. Then one day, after witnessing a horrible fight, she realized she wasn’t living the life she wanted to live. “I was letting everyone in my life down,” Ashley said. “I woke up and decided I was done with that life. I didn’t like who I was becoming. It just wasn’t me.”
A New Normal
Death may be an event, but the grief that follows is a process—a process that continues for the rest of a person’s life. It’s not something you can be over and done with, and life will never go back to how it was before the death. Through grieving, children learn to adjust to a world without their loved one. When a child loses a loved one, they
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not only lose the person, they also lose their vision of the future with that person in it. Wenzel says to think about the things that person did for your child when they were alive to understand how their life has been impacted by the loss. Were they the person who tucked them in every night? Or played catch with them? Or took them to the park? “Let your children know you are trying to understand how they feel about all the things they have lost. And that you don’t know what they are feeling, but that you understand it won’t ever be the same,” says Wenzel. When it’s a parent, the big events of their lives may always be a little bittersweet. Even though she lost her dad when she was 13, Ashley certainly thought about him the day she was married and he wasn’t there to walk her down the aisle. Also on the day her son was born, he wasn’t there to be a proud grandpa. “You just have to keep going, keep walking, keep expressing your feelings, and learn how to live without this person in your life,” Ashley says. Tammy Noteboom is the Director of Communications for The Village Family Service Center and lives in Rollag, Minn., with her husband.
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You Don’t Have To Go It Alone
For over 120 years, The Village Family Service Center has helped area children and families improve their lives. The Village was founded as a home for orphaned children, and for decades provided a sanctuary for those who often had no other place to go. Times have changed, and we discovered it wasn’t just kids who needed help. Every year, The Village reaches out to more than 75,000 people, and we are constantly adapting our services to meet the needs of modern life. From individual and family counseling to child care, mentoring and adoption to financial counseling and workplace issues, The Village is a place for all individuals and families. As the definition of family evolves, so do we and no matter how you define family, at The Village, you will never go it alone.
1201 25th St. S., Fargo, ND 1-800-627-8220 www.TheVillageFamily.org
norTH DAkoTA LocATIons Bismarck • Devils Lake • Fargo Grand Forks • Jamestown • Minot • Williston family
MInnesoTA LocATIons Alexandria • Brainerd • Crystal • Detroit Lakes • Fergus Falls Mahnomen • Moorhead • Park Rapids • Roseau • St. Cloud villagefamilymag.org August/September 2013 39 Warroad • White Earth
YOUR FAMILY ❚ online
By Carolyn Jabs
It’s a rule nearly every parent breaks. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under the age of 2 have no exposure to screens. That guideline was hard enough to follow when it applied to background TV and baby videos. Now that very young children are reaching for smartphones and tablets, most parents hand them over sooner or later.
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Some experts argue these screens are different because they are interactive. When a little child pokes the screen, something exciting happens. There’s no question this kind of cause and effect is mesmerizing, but is it good for little brains? The honest answer is no one knows because there hasn’t been time to do the relevant research. What scientists do know is that baby brains grow dramatically. At birth, each baby brain cell has about 2,500 synapses or connections to other brain cells. Around age 3, the typical brain cell has 15,000 connections because of the baby’s astonishing ability to learn. The AAP argues there’s no reason to take chances with that development. Even if there’s no evidence that screen time is bad for baby brains, there’s also no evidence that it does anything to promote healthy growth. In some ways, this mirrors the conversation about sugary foods. Parents know candy and cookies aren’t necessary for growth. And, in large quantities, they displace other essential nutrients. Yet, sooner or later, most parents introduce kids to the pleasures of lollipops and birthday cake. Depending on how it’s done, the child may accept these foods as occasional treats or he may whine for candy every time he finds himself in a checkout aisle. Until we have evidence that screen time is good for babies and toddlers, access to technology should be limited and thoughtfully supervised by parents. Since you can’t see what’s happening in your baby’s brain, you’ll need other indicators to be sure development is on track. Here are a few questions worth asking: Is your child excited to play with you? Experts agree that a deep connection with parents is crucial during the first two
years of life. Early interactions in which children learn to make and break eye contact or to take turns making sounds become the foundation for emotional intelligence. Having face-toface fun with your baby sets up a lifelong assumption that interacting with people is rewarding for its own sake. Do people talk to your child—a lot? Research done in the 1990s demonstrated that babies who hear around 2,000 words per hour do better in school and even have higher IQs. That’s because the language centers of the brain are especially absorbent during the first three years. Recorded words don’t make much of an impression. Language needs to be tailored to the child, responsive both to what she is doing and her emotions. Parents, of course, aren’t the only ones who should be talking to babies. Be sure other caregivers are aware of how important it is to use language with children who seem like they are too young to understand. Does your child enjoy three-dimensional play? Babies and toddlers figure out the world by picking things up, chewing on them, poking, throwing, rolling, and stacking them. Not only is this fun, but it gives your child the basis for concepts like round and flat, fuzzy and smooth. A touch screen may reference these ideas, but it takes lots of real life experience to get them fixed firmly in the brain. Healthy babies are always reaching and exploring. Most of what they find should stimulate multiple senses. Can your child detach from the screen? Some parents report that little ones become fixated on smartphones and tablets, whining for them when they could be doing other things and melting down when parents take them away. According to Michael Rich, director of Boston’s Center on Media
The Village Counselors are here to help. In-office counseling available for individuals, couples, parents, and children. Online counseling also available.
1201 25th St. S., Fargo • 701-451-4900 1401 8th St. S., Moorhead • 701-451-4811 www.TheVillageFamily.org family
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and Child Health, this occurs because the visual stimuli of many apps gives children a regular squirt of dopamine, a brain chemical that creates sensations of pleasure. Too much of this can create cravings that babies—and sometimes older people—can’t resist. Is your child able to settle down for quiet time and sleeping? Because baby brains are growing so rapidly, they can easily become overstimulated. Being able to settle and sleep peacefully is a lifelong skill, and most parents intuitively help little children calm down by gentle rocking, singing, and stroking. Research indicates the light emitted by screens stimulates brain waves in ways that interfere with sleep, so screentime should never be part of a baby’s bedtime routine. Can you focus on your child? No matter what you say, young children will mimic what you do. If you are tethered to your devices—checking email during diaper changes, texting during playtime, talking on the phone during walks with your baby—your behavior will imprint on your child. More importantly, your distraction will keep you from playing what Uri Bronfenbrenner, co-founder of Head Start, called “ping pong” with your child: Your baby giggles and you repeat whatever you did to make her laugh. Your toddler says something that sounds like “mama” and you respond with delight. As Bronfenbrenner famously put it, healthy development occurs “through the process of progressively more complex exchange between a child and somebody else—especially somebody who's crazy about that child." If you can answer “yes” to all these questions, you can be confident that your baby’s brain is getting what it needs. Under those circumstances, handing over the smartphone to secure a moment of quiet isn’t any more harmful than offering a cookie for the same reason. Neither is likely to undermine healthy development for your baby, unless you turn it into a habit. Carolyn Jabs, M.A., raised three computer-savvy kids including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for 10 years and is working on a book about constructive responses to conflict. Visit www.growing-up-online.com to read other columns. @ Copyright, 2013, Carolyn Jabs. All rights reserved.
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CHILDREN’S GROUP
TEEN BEHAVIOR
Founder Break Phre
Program Director ShareHouse, Inc.
David Collins, MS, LAC
Jodi Urlacher
should I do if I think my teenager is in trouble Q:What with alcohol or drugs?
Q: A:
Is there a fellowship for children living with mental illness?
There sure is! BREAK PHRE (Bringing Respect, Enlightenment, Awareness, and Knowledge to Psychological Health Related Endurances) is a fellowship group designed specifically to help children embrace their mental illness while sharing experiences and creating friendships. BREAK PHRE gatherings are fun, light-hearted, encouraging, and educating. This casual environment will allow children to feel comfortable enough to open up about their experiences at their own pace. Most importantly, it simply allows kids to be kids while discovering that they can rise above the negative stigma associated with mental illness. Knowing that family support is a key component to living with a psychological disorder, I also strongly encourage and warmly welcome parent, guardian, or adult role model participation in BREAK PHRE gatherings. For more information, please contact Jodi Urlacher at breakphre@gmail.com, www.facebook.com/break.phre, or 701-866-6819.
A:
You can often see the warning signs of alcohol or drug use. They might be acting differently or lying. School performance might decline or they may lose interest in favorite activities. You may also find objects such as baggies, pills, spoons, needles, tin foil, etc., that may clue you in on what your child is using or how they are using it. The first thing to do is talk with your teenager about your concerns and what you see in their behavior. It is important to have this discussion out of concern and not anger. Ask them how you can help and let them know you are willing to support them in getting help. If you are still worried your teenager is using alcohol or other drugs, there is an online resource on the ShareHouse website. Click on “Ask A Counselor.” Here you can confidentially email questions to me, or you can call my direct line: 701-478-9559. ShareHouse also offers free 20-minute screenings for those age 18 and up, to determine the extent of their substance use and the steps to get help for your teenager. Call 701-478-8440 to set up a screening. ShareHouse, Inc. 701-282-6561 www.ShareHouse.org
Break Phre 701-866-6819 www.Facebook.com/Break.Phre
BINGE DRINKING
COUNSELOR
Counseling Director Lost and Found Ministry
Counselor The Village Family Service Center
Karissa Schmoll, MA, LMFT
Beth Brantner, Med, LPC
Q: A:
Q:
Is binge drinking a problem?
North Dakota and Minnesota have the dubious honor of leading the nation in binge drinking. That means 5 or more alcoholic drinks for men or 4 or more drinks for women in a two hour period. Unfortunately, most Midwesterners don’t see the problem. Binge drinking greatly increases the chances of getting hurt or hurting others in car crashes, violence, and suicide. And, binge drinkers usually do this 4x per month. Most binge drinkers are not alcohol dependent or alcoholics—but the chance of getting sick and dying from alcohol problems increases significantly for those who binge drink more often and drink more when they do. Are you concerned about your own drinking habits or those of a loved one? Lost and Found Ministry is a caring, nonjudgmental place where you can talk to a professional, attend a confidential group, or get information in the library. Contact us at 218-287-2089, or Info@lostandfoundministry.org. Lost and Found Ministry 111 7th St S., Moorhead 218-287-2089 www.lostandfoundministry.org
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My partner and I hardly spend any time alone together anymore, and when we do, we find we have very little to say to one another. Is this normal? What can we do about it?
A:
Unfortunately, this is something that occurs even in the strongest relationships. Life is full of other things to focus on, and it is easy to neglect the very thing that is the most important in our lives; our partner. The less time we spend together, the more we can drift apart. If this is occurring in your relationship, don’t panic. There are plenty of things you can do. First, schedule alone time together once or twice each week, like dinner alone, or a long walk. Spend this time talking to one another, reconnecting about things that are important. Second, find a hobby or activity you can enjoy together, which creates another common interest to discuss. Last, schedule time to have fun! Spend time outside of the pressure of your lives. It is important to remember the reasons you were attracted to your partner in the beginning of the relationship.
The Village Family Service Center 1201 25th St. S., Fargo 1401 8th St. S., Moorhead 701-451-4900 www.TheVillageFamily.org
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YOUR FAMILY z food & fun
Simple & Quick Peach Cobbler • 1 cup flour • 1½ tsp baking powder • ¼ tsp salt • 1 cup milk • 1 cup sugar • ½ cup butter, melted • 4 cups peaches, peeled and sliced • 1 Tbsp sugar • 1 tsp cinnamon Christian, Age 9 months
Handprint Apple Tree • Brown construction paper or brown marker • Glue • White construction paper • Red and green paint • Marker (to make stem and leaves on apples) Draw or cut out tree trunk and glue to lower part of white construction paper. Dip child’s hand in green paint and make handprints around tree trunk to create leaves. Dip child’s finger in red paint to make apples. Using a marker, draw stems and leaves on the apples. (Submitted by: Infant Room at Nokomis II)
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Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease an 11 x 7 pan. Combine flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium-sized bowl. Add milk and 1 cup sugar. Whisk together until well blended. Stir in the melted butter. Put the peaches into the greased pan, spreading them out evenly. Sprinkle on the tablespoon of sugar. Pour the batter over the peaches. Do not stir. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Bake for approximately 40 minutes until lightly brown and bubbling.
Decorative Watering Can • Tin watering can • Acrylic paint • Paint brush/sponge brush • Artificial flowers • Floral foam • Wired ribbon Paint designs on your watering can. We used masking tape to paint straight lines and a sponge brush for the clouds. Wrap wired ribbon around watering can and tie a bow near the handle. Place a small block of floral foam inside the can and arrange artificial flowers as you like, sticking stems into the foam to hold in place.
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YOUR FAMILY z words & wisdom
“If we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of ‘I could have, I should have.’ We can sleep in a storm. And when it’s time, our goodbyes will be complete.” – Mitch Albom, ‘Have A Little Faith’
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Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army. – Edward Everett
"Do a little more each day than you think you can." –Lowell Thomas
“We are all pencils in the hand of God.”
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Mother Theresa
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Free Will Kit Regardless of your life circumstances or estate size, your will is perhaps the most important document you will create. It expresses your values and also effectively provides for the people and charitable causes important to you. To learn how to create a will that ensures your wishes are carried out, contact The Village Family Service Center for a FREE Will Kit. Complete and return the form below, or call Jenny at 701-451-4957. Your FREE Will Kit will include:
“How to Make a Will that Works” brochure “Will and Estate Planning Basics” booklet “Personal Affairs Record” organizer Seven Important Reasons You Need a Will 1. Without a will, your state’s laws—not you— determine how, when, and to whom your property is distributed. 2. You can designate the guardian for dependents under your care. 3. You can name your executor to manage and settle your estate.
4. You can designate beneficiaries for items such as heirlooms, art, jewelry, or real estate. 5. You may create trusts to provide for your spouse, children, and others. 6. You can support your favorite charities. 7. You can reduce (or maybe even eliminate) estate taxes and save taxes in a survivor’s estate if you make use of the estate tax exemptions.
Complete and mail to: The Village Family Service Center, P.O. Box 9859, Fargo, ND 58106
Please send me a Free Will Kit.
I have a question. Please contact me by phone ____________________ or email _________________________.
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