Lynn Nicole Turner - Finding Your Voice by Women2Women Michigan Magazine

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"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."

~Maggie Kuhn

Debra K. Collins Publisher

Matthews Editor

Kellie Pardi Marketing/Promotions

Jennifer Gardner Creative Director

theme Finding Your Voice

Hello amazing people! Well, as usual, this year sped by. I hope you have lovely plans for the holidays that are quickly approaching.

During the writing of this we are busy working to bring the first large Women2Women event since the “awful, yucky, icky” days of 2020 and beyond. We are excited to feature our Cover Girl authors and our writers at the Expo. Hopefully you have seen the beautiful Facebook posts showcasing each one that was going to attend. And we are looking forward to seeing many of our readers there. We have missed you!

Our theme for this issue is one we are all passionate about—finding your voice! Women2Women serves as a platform for women to “share their voice” through writing, speaking, and joining together in support of each other through events and networking. We aspire to encourage others to dig deeply and see what their story is, to discover what they are passionate about, and share it with all of us!

As always, we have great articles to tweak your interest, and I’ll mention here only a few. Colleen Kilpatrick actually stood up to her Mafia boss (she was pretty sure he was). Her article is “Question Authority Even If It’s The Mafia”. After reading it I told her that I always knew she had a bit of feisty in her! Our Michigan historian, Arlene Curns, tells the story of finding her voice—from the time she was a little girl and learned to ask for the kind of candy bar she wanted, until age 92 when she found her voice in the written word and published her first book! Read her story in “Speaking Through the Written Word”. Joy Dettling wrote about anger, Jennifer Beard wrote about happiness, Tarnesa Martin wrote about boundaries, and I wrote to instruct you to stop apologizing! We have a dynamic and varied group of writers, and you never know what you will be reading in our newest issue!

All of us at Women2Women hope you have a wonderful time with friends and loved ones in the coming holiday season. Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas and an empowering 2025!

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contributing writers

Mimi

10 Ways to Find Your Voice

Opening the throat chakra, or Vishuddha, is essential for clear communication, self-expression, and speaking your truth.

Healthy Communication.

Practice speaking mindfully and authentically in your daily interactions. Honest, respectful conversations can help you tap into your true voice and expression.

Affirmations. Repeat affirmations that resonate with you, such as:

"My voice is strong, clear, and authentic."

"It is safe for me to share my ideas and opinions."

Aromatherapy. Essential oils like eucalyptus, lavender, and peppermint are great for activating the throat chakra. Diffuse them or apply a diluted version to your throat area for balance and relaxation.

Breathing Exercises. (Pranayama)

Practice breathing techniques like the Three Part Breath to strengthen and stimulate the throat chakra.

"

bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."

~ Maya Angelou

Journaling & Writing. Expressing your thoughts and emotions through journaling helps clear communication blockages. This practice nurtures self-expression, and fosters clarity.

Chanting and Mantras. The sound "HAM" is associated with the throat chakra. Repeating this mantra helps vibrate the energy in the area of the throat.

Meditation. Meditate while focusing on your throat and voice. Visualize a bright blue light, which is the color associated with this area, to expand and clear blockages.

Sing or Hum. Singing, humming, or even simply speaking out loud with intention can activate and stimulate the vocal cords to release stagnant energy.

Neck & Shoulder Stretches. Release physical tension by doing neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, or yoga poses like Fish Pose or Shoulder Stand. These poses open up the throat area, allowing for better energy flow.

Consume Blue Foods. Eating naturally blue foods like blueberries, blackberries, and blue grapes, and drinking herbal teas such as chamomile or peppermint can also balance and energetically support your throat chakra.

Jennifer Gardner is a wife and mother of two girls. She loves being creative with the ladies of Women2Women Michigan Magazine.

shades of health

Setting EmbracingBoundaries New Beginnings The Art of

Many times, we stay in places and situations because we have not yet found the strength to move forward and embrace the uncertainty of something new.

Often, we remain silent and allow the status quo to quiet our voices because we are afraid to speak up, say no and set boundaries that protect our well-being.

In every aspect of life, relationships, work, and personal growth play a crucial role in maintaining balance and well-being. Boundaries are like invisible lines that define one’s physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental fitness.

Setting and maintaining boundaries is essential for healthy relationships, selfrespect, and personal fulfillment.

Setting boundaries helps to discover yourself so that you can rise above fears and glass ceilings that’re trying to restrict you from prevailing into your purpose.

In this article, we will explore why boundaries are important, how to set them, and what to do when they are tested.

At the core, boundaries are about selfrespect. They define how you expect to be treated by others and what behaviors you will not tolerate. Without boundaries, people may find themselves overwhelmed, exploited or disrespected. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and unhealthy dynamics in relationships.

Boundaries also serve to protect our mental, spiritual and emotional energy. Finding our voice helps us to say “No”, without feeling guilty or looked down upon

because we chose to prioritize what makes us happy and content.

Constantly saying “Yes” to others without regard for our own needs often leads to exhaustion and resentment.

It is important that we learn how to set limits and create spaces for self-care, self-compassion, reflection and personal growth. Boundaries make it clear that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Boundaries come in many forms and each boundary serves its purpose.

•Physical Boundaries pertain to your personal space and physical touch.

•Emotional Boundaries protect your feelings and emotional wellbeing. They involve separating your emotions from others’ emotions, ensuring that you don’t take on their burdens or guilt.

•Mental Boundaries involve your thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. It’s important to protect your right to think and express your thoughts freely, without being forced to conform to others’ beliefs, ways and actions.

•Time Boundaries relate to how you allocate your time. You might need to set limits on work, socializing, or commitments to ensure you have enough time for rest and activities that are important to you.

•Material Boundaries protect your possessions and financial resources. You decide how comfortable you are with lending or giving away money and belongings.

The art of setting boundaries draws a line in the sand and gives us the power to activate the voice of embracing what’s healthy and releasing what’s unhealthy so that we are not controlled by the guilt of our emotions and the spirit of people pleasing.

Setting Boundaries releases us from the thoughts of how others feel about us. It involves identifying our limits and communicating them clearly to others without apology or compromise.

In conclusion, it is important that we learn to be okay with saying “No”. It’s okay to reflect on your needs, desires and plans that prevail you into the plans that God has for you.

Think about where you feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or taken for granted. Identifying these areas can help you identify where boundaries are needed.

Prepare yourself to communicate assertively. Once you learn your limits, it’s important to communicate them directly and respectfully. Assertiveness doesn’t mean being harsh, but firm about what you will and won’t tolerate.

Tarnesa Martin R.N. is a life and personal development coach who leads sessions in health awareness, education, and self-care that focus on enhancing one’s capabilities for becoming a better version of themselves. She is an author, speaker, educator, and leadership mentor. Her business is Empower To Live Better, LLC, and she may be reached at empowertolivebetter@gmail.com.

Using Your Financial Voice Goals-Based Planning

In today's world, women are increasingly taking control of their financial futures. The journey is often filled with unique challenges, such as longer life expectancy, potential career interruptions, and the gender pay gap. Goals-based financial planning offers a powerful approach for women to not only secure their financial wellbeing, but also to find and use their financial voice. By focusing on personal goals and openly engaging in financial conversations, women can build a financial strategy that reflects their true values and aspirations.

GOALS-BASED FINANCIAL PLANNING

Goals-based financial planning is all about aligning your financial decisions with your life goals. Unlike traditional financial planning, which often focuses solely on wealth accumulation, this approach centers on what truly matters to you—whether it's buying a home, funding education, starting a business, or planning for retirement.

1. Identify and Prioritize Your Goals.

The first step is to clearly define what you want to achieve financially. Women often juggle multiple roles and responsibilities, making it crucial to set both short-term and long-term goals. For example, short-term goals might include paying off student loans or building an emergency fund, while long-term goals could involve securing retirement or ensuring your children's education. Prioritizing these goals allows you to create a plan that supports your most important aspirations.

2. Know Your Situation.

Before setting your plan in motion, assess your current financial situation. This includes understanding your income, expenses, savings, and any existing investments. Knowing where you stand financially will help you

determine what adjustments are needed to achieve your goals. For women, it's also important to consider potential life events that may impact finances, such as starting a family or taking time off work to care for loved ones.

3. Develop a Tailored Financial Strategy:

Once your goals are defined, the next step is to develop a strategy that aligns with them. This might involve creating a budget, setting up investment plans, or optimizing your savings. Goalsbased planning is flexible, allowing you to adjust your strategy as your circumstances change. For women, this adaptability is key, especially in light of potential life events such as career changes, starting a family, or taking time off to care for loved ones.

YOUR FINANCIAL VOICE

A crucial aspect of goals-based financial planning is finding and using your financial voice. Historically, women have been less likely to engage in financial discussions or advocate for their financial needs. However, reclaiming your financial voice is essential for achieving your goals.

1. Educate Yourself.

Financial literacy is the foundation of finding your financial voice. Take the time to learn about personal finance— whether through books, online courses, or workshops. The more you know, the more confidently you can make decisions and advocate for your financial interests.

2. Talk About It.

Talking about money can be intimidating, especially in U.S. society where it is often considered taboo. However, discussing finances with friends, family, or a financial advisor can provide valuable insights and

support. Women can benefit immensely from these conversations, as they help demystify financial concepts and encourage proactive financial management.

3. Advocate for You!

Whether it's negotiating a salary, discussing investment opportunities, or setting financial boundaries, using your financial voice means advocating for your needs and goals. Don’t shy away from asking questions, seeking advice, or demanding transparency in financial matters.

THE POWER OF COMBINING GOALSBASED PLANNING WITH YOUR FINANCIAL VOICE

When women combine goals-based financial planning with a strong financial voice, they create a powerful foundation for financial success. This approach not only helps you achieve your personal goals but also empowers you to make informed, confident decisions that reflect your values.

Moreover, as more women find and use their financial voices, they contribute to a broader cultural shift that encourages financial literacy, equality, and empowerment for future generations. By taking control of your financial journey today, you’re not just securing your own future—you’re paving the way for others to do the same.

Kristin Prieur is Director of Compliance Services for Key Bridge Compliance, a consulting firm serving many Investment Advisers and Financial Planners. She is an active contributor to Women’s empowerment endeavors in the Flint, MI area and has a passion for providing financial education to women.

Turning Experience Into Empowerment

Lynn Nicole Turner, CLC, CNLP

In my early twenties, I began working with young girls in an after-school program, where I discovered the transformative power of dance as a medium for fostering self-esteem and body positivity. I started the "Remix Kids" dance team, creating a space where girls could express themselves and celebrate their uniqueness through movement.

Recognizing the importance of education, I took the initiative to bring the girls with me to my college classes at Wayne State University, encouraging them to take notes and participate in lectures, which instilled a sense of aspiration and academic engagement.

Additionally, I emphasized the significance of giving back to the community by organizing monthly volunteer activities at nursing homes, soup kitchens, and drives to support children in need at their schools. This commitment to service laid the groundwork for my next role, where I worked with at-risk girls at a juvenile detention facility. It was here that my passion for mental health truly blossomed, as I witnessed firsthand the struggles faced by these young women who lacked the love and support they deserved. This experience ignited my dedication to advocating for women and girls, ensuring they find the encouragement and resources necessary to thrive.

From these experiences I transitioned into various sectors of mental health and education. I advocated for proper mental health services and developed programming focused on self-esteem, body positivity, conflict resolution, job readiness, and college preparation. After becoming a victim of a violent crime, I felt compelled to empower women further by offering free self-defense classes, teaching them skills to help avoid becoming victims themselves.

From a young age, I felt a strong calling to help people, but it was during high school that I truly recognized how family dynamics profoundly affected both me and my classmates. This awareness ignited a desire within me to make a meaningful difference in the lives of others. To equip myself for this mission, I studied diligently, obtaining over 42 professional certifications from some of the country’s top universities, including Yale, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford School of Medicine, and Columbia University, among others. I am a lifelong learner, deeply passionate about understanding the ever-changing dynamics of mental health.

This commitment to education enables me to provide the best support possible, ensuring that I can empower individuals as they navigate their own challenges. I believe that by continually expanding my knowledge, I can be a more effective advocate and ally for those seeking help and understanding.

Losing 350 pounds was a monumental achievement, yet it opened my eyes to how differently I was treated in the world. Despite having amazing friends who accepted me for who I was, I often felt like I didn’t fit in because I struggled to accept myself. Even after my drastic transformation, I found it difficult to like what I saw in the mirror, and this internal battle weighed heavily on me. I knew there were countless women who felt just like I did, silently grappling with their self-image and worth. This realization fueled my desire to write my books, "The Confidence Chronicles" and "Girl, You Got This", as a heartfelt message for all of us who have faced similar struggles. I wanted to create a sense of community and understanding, reminding women that they are not alone in their journey toward self-acceptance and empowerment. These books are for anyone who has ever felt unseen or unloved, encouraging them to embrace their unique beauty and strength. I have published six books, but these two hold a special place in my heart as they are specifically aimed at women. I often wish I’d had something like this during my own struggles—a resource that could guide me toward self-love, acceptance, and empowerment.

My hope is to create a safe space where women can embark on their own journeys of rediscovery. I understand the negativity, stigma, and societal pressures that can weigh heavily on us, drowning out our inner voices. These books are meant to inspire women to reconnect with their true selves, set meaningful goals, and embrace their unique qualities. They represent my belief that every woman deserves to find her power and voice. I want readers to know they are not alone in their struggles and that they have the strength within to rise above challenges and celebrate who they are. Empowering women to rediscover their worth is not just a passion for me; it's a mission that comes from my own experiences and a deep desire to uplift others. I draw strength from the incredible women who have raised and supported me throughout my life. My mom, LaDonna Epperson, and my Godmother, Dr. Patricia

Edwards, have been guiding lights, instilling in me the values of resilience and compassion. My best friend of over 38 years, Arlynn Hill, has been my sister, my shoulder to lean on, and my biggest cheerleader since kindergarten. I am also grateful for my mentor, Sabrina Cesaire, who took me under her wing and taught me the fundamentals of diagnostics and dispositions in the clinical mental health space. Additionally, Marjorie Miskey showed me immense love and acceptance during one of the most challenging moments of my adult career. Last but not least, my son, David Christian Taylor, is my reason for never giving up. His presence motivates me every day to strive for greatness and be a source of strength for others. I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by such a plethora of strong women and my amazing son, who have nurtured me, taught me, and continuously remind me of the importance of being authentically myself while striving to be the best person I can be. Their unwavering support inspires me to uplift others in the same way.

“Trust in your ability to evolve and shine, because you are enough, and your story is still unfolding.”

I want every woman who hears my story to understand that it’s never too late to become the person you’ve always been destined to be. Life is a beautiful tapestry woven from blessings that enrich us and lessons that guide us away from what doesn’t serve us. Each moment, whether joyous or challenging, contributes to your growth and resilience. Embrace these experiences; they are the building blocks of your strength. Even in those times when you feel unworthy or insufficient, remember that you have the power to make a difference—both in your own life and in the lives of others. Your journey is unique, and every step you take, no matter how small, is a testament to your courage and potential. Trust in your ability to evolve and shine, because you are enough, and your story is still unfolding.

Today, I run PsychBae LLC, a life-coaching business dedicated to supporting women and girls in various areas, including mental

health, emotional regulation, and school and job readiness. Additionally, I serve as the Director of Community Relations and a Board Member at Large for Simiya's Equine Services, a Black woman-owned Detroit-based nonprofit that integrates horses into mental health services. Through these roles, I continue to advocate for the empowerment and support of women and girls, ensuring they have the tools and resources they need to thrive.

About my books: Imagine embarking on a transformative journey with two incredible companions: "Girl, You Got This" and  THE Confidence CHRONICLES: 30-Day Self-Appreciation Journal. In "Girl, You Got This," you’ll explore the heartfelt story of a woman who navigates the highs and lows of life with authenticity and humor. Her experiences reflect the joys and challenges we all face, celebrating resilience and the power of self-love. Through her journey, you'll find inspiration to laugh, cry, and believe in your own strength.

Complementing this uplifting narrative is  THE Confidence CHRONICLES. This engaging 30-day self-appreciation journal acts as your personal guide to recognizing and celebrating your unique strengths. With daily prompts designed to encourage reflection, you’ll acknowledge your victories, big and small. The purposeful exercises and affirmations within will help you cultivate the confidence needed to tackle life’s challenges and reveal the empowered version of yourself.

Together, these two works offer a powerful toolkit for any woman looking to enhance her life.

These books, plus my four others, can be found on Amazon by searching Lynn Nicole Turner along with the title of the book. You can also use this link: www.amazon.com/s?k=lynn+nicole+turner &crid=2Y5DJGEIL3J0V&sprefix=lynn+nicole +turner%2Caps%2C119&ref=nb_sb_noss

Lynn Nicole Turner is a seasoned mental health professional with 20+ years of experience. Specializing in suicide prevention and high acuity patients, she is a trusted counselor, addiction treatment specialist, and certified life coach. Lynn's dedication extends to mentoring young women and advocating for the vulnerable in mental health. www.linkedin.com/in/ lynnnturner

Speaking Through the Written Word

heartstrings Speaking Through the Written Word

When I was young, I was painfully shy. I was the youngest of five children and lots of kindhearted teasing took place in our family. I know they loved me dearly and didn't realize how uncomfortable they were making me. A sudden question asked where all attention was focused on me was torture. Someone verbally teasing me caused my face to flame.

Early on in my life, I had an experience that taught me to speak up. My maternal grandfather owned a restaurant on Chevrolet Avenue by the General Motors plant. I can still envision Grandpa's place of business.

Up front by the cash register were two big glass cases that held an assortment of candy bars and gum. Behind the cash register against the mirrored wall was an array of cigarettes, cigars, and chewing tobacco in tins. Beyond the cash register, a counter with stools extended to the rear of the building. Six round tables with four chairs encircling each filled the rest of the space.

There was a stairway that led to two bedrooms and a bathroom over the restaurant. Those two rooms were rented out to two gents that worked at the Chevrolet plant. My Mom cleaned those rooms every Friday, taking the bedding home to launder. She was paid $2.00 a week. I had to go with Mom when she cleaned the rooms because the other kids were in school.

Of course, I was fascinated with the candy cases. They looked as high as a mountain to me. Grandpa asked if I wanted a candy bar. I was so shy that I just twisted and turned and kept my head down, shrugging my shoulders. I would have been thrilled to have any of them! Grandpa told me that when I could tell him what kind I wanted, I could have one, and he turned and walked away. Lesson learned. When he asked me the next time, I quickly answered, "Milky Way."

That was definitely a learning experience, but I was too young for it to have any lasting effect.

The most humiliating thing I ever experienced was at Dort School when I was in the sixth grade. One day our teacher announced that each student had to get on stage -- alone -- and do a "talent" act. I was terrified, even to the point of losing sleep over it. In a group, I was fine, but to get up there alone, I just couldn't do it. We had until the end of the school year to do it.

The teacher would have a few students each day do their "act." Some were eager to do it, so she took volunteers at first. When that base was depleted, she started calling students by name. When my name was called, I said I didn't have anything ready.

That continued to the very last day of class when she announced that anyone failing to take part would not pass. So I did it. Shaking like a leaf, face red as a beet, I squeaked out a popular song of that day entitled "Rosalie." It was a horrible rendition by any standard, and in my entire life, I don't believe I've ever been so humiliated. All these years later, I still remember the words to that song.

Forcing someone to do that defeats the purpose, but that teacher had a mission, and it was her way or no way if you wanted to pass. It was a long journey overcoming the fear of speaking before an audience, and I believe I conquered that myself, not by a well-meaning teacher who coerced me into it.

I started out with baby steps. I was taking piano lessons and our teacher was having a Spring Recital. It didn't bother me at all because I knew my music well and was confident I would have no problem performing it. And I didn't have to say anything.

I was invited to be a model in a style show at church. I accepted. The dresses, suits, hats, shoes and furs were furnished by the lady's stores in downtown Flint. Again, I didn't have to say anything and it was a lot of fun spending time with the other ladies that were models.

When asked to do something, my answer was "Yes." I chaired a Bible Study at church, our golf league, and bowling league. A friend invited me to help do a Bible Study at a nursing home. Again, I accepted. It wasn't giant steps, but it was a step forward.

My biggest challenge was as a member of the FAITH team at church. We went out in teams of three and presented the Gospel message to people who had visited our church. The first semester, I was a member of the team. The second semester, Pastor asked me to be a Leader, and even though concerned about presenting the Gospel to strangers, I accepted and found that I could do it.

My greatest pleasure is expressing myself with my pen. When I was 92 years old, I wrote my memoir. I sent my manuscript to a Christian publisher. They had three judges read it and they voted to print. My second book was written when I was 95. Both have been well-received. I have found my voice! It's speaking through the written word. I'm ready to rest on my laurels.

Arlene Curns is an author, encourager, and matriarch of a family of 44, spanning five generations. She is enjoying life in northern Michigan surrounded by family and friends. She can be reached at estimada27@aol.com.

sparkle & shine

OH DARLING,

don't you know that who you are

is the most amazing and fabulous gift to the world? Who you are is full of wonder and possibility. You have a totally unique set of characteristics and curiosities and desires. There are certain things you dream of or long for, ideas that stir your soul, passions that rumble inside you to be expressed. Never apologize for those things. They are part of the amazing creation that is YOU.

Sometimes it’s tough. I know some of you are not in ideal situations. Perhaps some of you feel as if the ground is swallowing you up and closing in over you. Expressing your gifts seems highly impossible.

I know because I've been there. And it took action and big steps (in little baby steps) to get me out of that hole. But I am here to tell you that YOU can start today to change your situation so that the real you can shine. There are people who will help you. And please do not feel the need to apologize for who you are or what is going on in your life. Life happens.

Do not try to do it alone. Are you one who feels as if you must be strong and do this “life thing” by yourself because that's how you always do things? Well, you limit yourself when you limit your possibilities for help.

Start talking to people. Start saying what you want and need. (I promise lightning will not strike you). Don’t you want to feel fulfilled, to be able to do the things that satisfy your soul? Start with someone you trust and get them involved in seeking ways to help you improve and/or get out of your situation. Brainstorm with others for ideas on the steps to take to reach your goals. Women are the best networkers in the world! For goodness sake, even “Google” it! There are solutions.

The biggest thing is to start realizing how valuable you are and how much the world needs your special, unique gifts and love. Start telling yourself the TRUTH—that you are amazing and have wonderful abilities and gifts for this world. Even if you think your specific abilities are quite unusual and sometimes feel weird.

Start seeking ways to BE who you really are; to pour out your beautiful spirit and shine your gorgeous light.

Because darling, you are perfect, just as you are! Never apologize.

Mimi Matthews is in the “encouragement business” as the owner of Empowordment Cards by Mimi. She is also a speaker, workshop leader, writer, and our editor. Visit her shop at www.etsy.com/shop/EmPOWordmentCards and her blog at www.particularpassions.me.

Never Apologize For Who You Are!

ANGER AS A Call to Action

For many, anger is a difficult emotion to navigate. For much of my life, anger was a source of confusion. Surprisingly, now I welcome it from my body and my new relationship with anger has changed my life.

I believe that for many, the difficulty with anger is rooted in the belief that anger is intrinsically negative or harmful. We have all seen anger harm others, whether it is in small or large ways. It can be wielded for purposes of domination, control, manipulation, and even emotional or physical abuse. For many this has resulted in a fear of anger and confused coping mechanisms. Often, this leads to suppressing anger until it boils over uncontrollably creating damage in its path, which is what created our fear of anger in the first place.

It's not surprising that our coping mechanisms often align with the instinctual "fight or flight" response when dealing with anger; we either fight back or suppress and avoid it altogether. Unfortunately, both of these reactions only add to the ongoing cycle. Trying to suppress something does not make it disappear, and fighting back only leads to more conflict.

Personally, I used to be avoidant of anger and resist it when it arose in my body or around me, pushing it down and refusing to acknowledge its presence. I know there are many who also have this pattern; who stay silent, retreat, or avoid the issue altogether when presented with anger. This can lead to bottling up these feelings until they eventually explode in an unhealthy manner or manifest themselves in physical ailments, emotional instability, and distorted perspectives.

I have learned to see that here's no such thing as good or bad emotions. All emotions are neutral. However, how we express those emotions can have a more positive or negative impact on ourselves and those around us.

I have learned that our emotions are our body's way of communicating

with us. I have found that by paying closer attention to our emotions and their impact on our physical and mental states, as well as our decisions and behaviors, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. With this deeper understanding, we also gain much greater control over ourselves and how we show up in the world.

Through my experiences, I've learned that anger is one of the most powerful messages our body can send us. It's not a sign of emotional instability or something to be ashamed of; rather, anger is a natural emotion that we all experience as we navigate through life's ups and downs. I have learned to see anger as a necessary signal from my body to take action and pay closer attention to my surroundings and inner self.

Unfortunately, the way society as a whole views anger has hindered our ability to respond proactively and coherently. It has either delayed our response or distorted it completely, preventing us from acting in alignment with ourselves. It took time for me to shift my perspective on anger, but I am amazed at how this change has made me more decisive, confident, and purposeful in my actions. Understanding that anger itself is a call to action has empowered me to speak up and act in situations where I may have stayed silent, done nothing, or let something continue despite feeling uneasy about it.

Developing a positive relationship with anger has been a two-phase journey for me and I will share these phases below for anyone to explore on their own.

PHASE 1: EXPRESSION

The initial step is finding a healthy outlet for pent-up anger that has lingered from the past. This repressed anger may not always be outwardly apparent to us in the moment; instead, it can manifest as internal feelings of irritation and frustration. The body may also have manifested physical effects of suppressed anger, such as health issues or deeprooted patterns of tension.

There are various methods to release this pent-up energy and I suggest exploring them on different levels: mental, emotional and physical.

MENTALLY

When anger is held inside, it can disrupt our thoughts and patterns. To regain balance, giving space for these thoughts to be expressed through language can be helpful. I suggest communicating through speech or writing with someone you trust and feel safe with. Another option is to jot down your thoughts, or even record your voice into a microphone for later playback. There are also various forms of creativity that can serve as outlets for this energy, such as art, dancing, building, or anything else that inspires you

EMOTIONALLY

Create a safe space where you can let out emotions. It may be a private space or if processing these emotions alone is difficult, seek out someone who can provide a supportive and safe environment for you to express them. This emotional energy can be expressed as anger, but it may also take on a range of other feelings. If it’s anger for example, find a place to scream or hit a pillow to let it out. If sadness or fear arises, allow yourself time to cry. Allow space for these emotions to come out uninhibitedly and let go of the need to make sense of them. They are simply stored energy from the past and there is no need to put stories on them. Rather than fixating on the past, you are currently feeling these emotions as they are leaving your body and being released.

PHYSICALLY

It's important to release this energy physically as well. If you're feeling angry, try beating a pillow or engaging in other assertive and aggressive exercises like running or kickboxing. As your emotions continue to flow, seek out physical activities that can help you express them. Personally, I enjoy ecstatic dance for this purpose because it allows for free-form movement and is usually conducted in a supportive environment where self-expression is encouraged and witnessed by others. In my own experience, this amplifies the therapeutic effect of releasing pent-up energy.

PHASE 2: ANGER=ACTION

The second step in redefining my relationship with anger has been to understand that anger is a call for action, and to question myself whenever I feel angry: what specific actions do I need to take? Should I speak up? Set a boundary? Say no? Do something? Delegate tasks to others? Stop doing something?

It can be difficult to catch ourselves in the moment of a flush of anger and ask these questions. But with practice, pausing when we feel angry and asking ourselves these questions will become a habit. Personally, I have found that by doing this consistently over time, it has become a natural part of my behavior. Now, when I feel angry, I immediately identify what needs to be addressed and take action in the present moment.

Embracing my anger and harnessing its power has brought about significant transformation for myself and in my life. It has allowed me to be more attuned to my body and intuition, and has given me the courage to share my unique perspectives and talents with the world.

I recently heard someone describe emotion as "Energy in Motion," and I couldn't agree more, especially in regards to anger. Our emotions are a force that propels us. When we become more mindful and observant of how they influence us, we can harness their power to amplify our true selves and share our unique gifts in powerful ways.

All the best!

Joy Dettling

Joy Dettling of Ignite Life specializes in helping individuals release unseen stuck stress patterns and embody their true potential. To find out more, visit ignitelife.net or contact joy@ignitelife.net.

law of attraction

OI Got This

ne beautiful summer day while babysitting for our granddaughter, my husband and I took her over to our neighborhood park. She became very excited when she saw all the new playground equipment she had never explored before. There was a building structure with lots of steps to climb, monkey bars, walkways to traverse across, big and small slides to enjoy and a rockclimbing wall. She had fun testing her abilities out on everything. The last thing she eagerly decided to try was the rockclimbing wall.

As she began climbing, her feet often slipped and of course grandpa was always right behind her catching her when necessary. By the time she was halfway up the wall grandpa noticed her hesitating and asked her if she wanted some help? She answered confidently, “No Grandpa, I got this!” And without any more help from him, she continued to intently focus on each new hand and foot movement. She also began to say to herself “I can do it” until she finally reached the top on her own. It made me smile and it warmed my heart to see her confidently believe in herself and not give her power away to any thoughts of fear. I also felt very proud of my son and his wife, having realized that they had been teaching our granddaughter how to use the power of positive self-talk every time she stepped into a new experience.

A few days after our granddaughter had gone home, I returned to my morning habit of journaling outside when weather permitted it. I have a wonderful little spider friend who often entertains me while I’m writing. She’s constantly

spinning an intricate web that extends from the side of my house over to a pine tree. On bad weather days I often see her web get torn apart by the wind and rain. What I love about my spider friend is she never gives her power away to outside circumstances. She always shows up for herself and begins spinning a new web. Even when her home seems to get destroyed every few days, she picks herself up and she’s back creating what she wants, designing a new web in which she can live and nourish herself. One morning she blessed me with the sight of the largest and most gorgeous web I’d ever seen that was three feet in diameter. I instantly thought: Thank you my wonderful spider friend for never giving up on yourself. Though she’s only an insect, she knows intuitively “I got this” and she rebuilds her home no matter what. Just like my little granddaughter, she sets her intention and creates the results she wants.

Flashback to 2004 when I was introduced to the law of attraction. I had my doubts about it but within three years of continual practice I proved to myself that it really did work. Sometimes I manifested things I wanted and other times (when I wasn't paying attention to what I was focusing on) I manifested things I did not want. Through this experience, I proved to myself that the law of attraction is always working. It has no prejudice when it comes to helping us manifest things as it always responds to whatever vibration we're emitting. Thankfully with each passing year, I’ve learned how to quickly readjust my thoughts when I'm out of alignment and pick myself back up off the ground.

However, when the pandemic hit, I must confess, I fell into the trap of becoming afraid of the unknown. After many months of living in fear, I finally admitted to myself that I was sick and tired of feeling like my life was out of control. Everything I’d learned about the law of attraction has fallen by the wayside. I realized after listening to the news day in and day out, I kept attracting more worrisome thoughts into my mind. I set my intention to take my power back. I began using all the law of attraction principles I shared in my book (Steppingintoalifeofjoy.com) to bring me new and different results. Despite the pandemic I found peace and comfort in my own personal life because, just like my granddaughter and my little spider friend, I set my intention and thought to myself “I got this”.

As we move into the holiday season, and we find ourselves beginning to feel stressed out, let’s remember Dr. Wayne Dyer’s famous quote: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. During the rest of 2024 may we all choose the high road and remember how it feels to be an innocent child and every time we face a new challenge, we say to ourselves, I got this

Suzanne Young is an intuitive life coach who specializes in the Law of Attraction. She is also an inspirational speaker, author, and co-owner of Personal Success Programs, since 2007, with her husband Kevin Young. You can email her at suzanne@psprograms. com and their website is www.psprograms. com. Her office number is 248.349.6225.

Unlock Happiness by Admitting Your Truth

Have you ever had that moment where you said to yourself, "This isn't right for me". It's that moment when every cell of your body is screaming for freedom as you sit in the office shuffling paperwork or walking through your day in a daze. Maybe even feeling a sense of uselessness. Everything in you knows this feeling is a quiet plea for your attention, bidding you to make a change... to live in greater alignment with something more fulfilling. You may not even know what that solicitation for your attention is; you just know that this isn't it.

All change in life stems from the moment we admit things are not as we would like them to be. This isn't always an easy thing to come to terms with. In alcoholics anonymous the first step to recovery is to tell the truth. This is true for life situations not related to addiction as well. This admission may cause discomfort, but it is pivotal in moving forward towards what's next.

Take your time with these questions. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise. This exploration is the first step toward realigning your life with your true self, and it's a journey worth embarking on.

The moment we allow ourselves to shift into a mindset of possibility and growth is a moment of pure potential. Take a small step toward that potential today.

Jennifer Beard, owner of Bold Life & Bold Life Academy, guides individuals through transformative shifts in behavior, beliefs, and emotions, unlocking the path to their most extraordinary lives. Visit Jennifer at JenniferBeard.com.

I ask you now to take the time to sit and be with the feeling. When you have a moment, write down the feelings that come up and explore what you might do if things were different. Entertain the past moments in life when you felt truly connected, inspired, and on fire for life. Ask yourself the following questions:

When was the last time I felt truly happy and content? Reflect on a moment when you felt pure joy and satisfaction. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made that moment special?

What activities make me lose track of time?  Identify the pursuits that fully absorb your attention and bring you into a state of flow. How often do you engage in these activities?

What aspects of my current situation feel most misaligned with my true self?  Consider the parts of your daily routine or environment that feel the most at odds with who you are. Why do these elements feel so out of place?

What dreams or aspirations have I put on hold or forgotten about?  Revisit the goals and desires you once held dear but have since sidelined. What stopped you from pursuing them? Do they still resonate with you?

What values are most important to me? Clarify your core values. How well do your current circumstances align with these values? What changes could better reflect them?

If I could change one thing about my life right now, what would it be? Identify a single change that would have the most significant impact on your happiness and fulfillment. What steps could you take to make this change?

What do I fear most about making a change? Acknowledge the fears that hold you back from pursuing what you truly want. Are these fears based on reality or perception? How can you overcome them?

Who can support me in my journey towards a more fulfilling life? Think about the people who inspire and encourage you. How can you lean on them for support and guidance as you make changes?

What small steps can I take today to move closer to my true desires? Break down your goals into manageable actions you can start implementing immediately. How can you begin to create momentum towards a more aligned life?

How will I feel if I continue on my current path without making changes? Visualize your future if nothing changes. Compare this to the potential future where you pursue your true desires. Which vision compels you more?

GIRL CHURCH IS FREE IN FLINT

Girls

SPEAKERS

Trice Berli

Certified Mindfulness Instructor

Co-Founder Michigan Collaborative for Mindfulness in Education

So you think you can’t meditate?

You can, and here’s how and why

Stacy Kimb

Author & Speaker

Chemical Awareness Specialist

Friday: How to live a Toxin Free Lifestyle

Saturday: Transforming Your life with Essential oils

Jessica Fo

Hypnotist

Emotional Intelligence Specialist

Mindfulness Educator

Subconscious Processing

F R

Author, Speaker, Ordained Pastor

When I decided to GET UP!

President UEMPOWER

Author & Poet

Empower for Health Today, Lead for Tomorrow

Jill Carr CPA, CFP, CEPA, CPFA

Wealth Advisor

Finding Financial Freedom

Action steps for creating & managing wealth; what blind spots and obstacles you can avoid.

Director of Development, YWCA

MA in Organizational Leadership

It’s the Journey, Not the Destination:

Rethinking our approach to leadership & embracing a more effective path

Kathey Batey S

Author, Speaker, Corporate Trainer

What Being Sassy Has Taught Me

Sgt. Stephanie Shannon

CEO Michigan Women Veterans, Author, Public Speaker

Finding Your Voice

Deria Brown

Founder/CEO Sparkle Pink Club for Girls

Empowering Our Girls

HIGHLIGHTS

Author’s Corner

Many of our Magazine Cover Girls will be there all weekend to chat, sell & sign books!

The Best Present You Can Give to Yourself

Find Your Voice

THROUGH THE PRACTICE OF MEDITATION

IfMeditation is about quieting your mind, how can it help you to find your voice? And in a world full of noise, how can you be heard?

Finding your voice isn’t always about others hearing it. Sometimes it’s about you hearing it. In my therapy practice, people often tell me that they don’t know what they want for themselves in life. The practice of meditation allows other louder voices, and the noise, to settle out so that your own voice may rise to the top.

When I was a child, I naturally radiated toward helping others and knew from a very early age that I wanted to be a psychologist. My parents advised against it, however, and I thought they knew better. I listened to their voices. At the beginning of college, I took a test to see what I should pursue for a career. I scored highest in

medicine but it didn’t occur to me that mental health is a part of medicine so I pursued a degree in Environmental Science, which was my second highest scoring category. It wasn’t until my mom, who had a dominant voice in our family, died, that it came to me in the silence to teach mindfulness to children, which is very much like my original interest in psychology.

This noise doesn’t come from people only, but also from social media, cultural norms, the ideology of peers, even if unspoken, and maybe most precariously, from your past. Why precariously, you might be wondering? Between the ages of 0-7, we are living in primarily a theta brainwave state, where we are essentially in hypnosis, and therefore very easily programmed. The effects of this programming can be insidious, leading us gradually, over our lifetime, to make choices that we don’t even realize are harmful to us until it’s too late, as well as to stay stuck in habits.

With meditation, however, we begin to become aware of the programming, along with all of the other voices that are not our own. The definition of mindfulness meditation is moment by moment awareness without judgement. Oftentimes, the judgment is the voice that isn’t our own, and therefore the practice of noticing it arise and letting it go, over and over again, can help us to chisel away at the layers to find the truth of our own voice underneath.

While meditation is often thought of as a breath awareness practice, it can incorporate several other types of meditation. In fact, the concept of “mindfulness” is essentially being present or in a meditative-like state, which means not thinking about the past or the future but rather being in your senses while doing something. For example, I just gave my clients a homework assignment of playing fetch with their dogs as a meditation!

Body scans are a type of meditation that can bring about awareness of experiences that have become energetically stuck in your body. Historically, not much credit was given to energy, however we now know that everything is information and energy. In his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. explains how “trauma can cause the body to develop a hyperactive alarm system, which can lead to a constant state of fight-or-flight or freeze.” He also states that trauma is a fact of life, giving statistics on how many of us are affected by the various aspects of trauma, and that meditation, as well as other practices such as yoga, sports, drama, and neurofeedback can help.

At the age of 53 while doing a body-scan meditation, I became aware of a knot I was holding high in my stomach, just below my solar plexus. I recognized the knot as an integral part of my being, something that had always been there or at least acquired at some point in my childhood, but that I had not noticed until now. I suspect it may have been from shoving

down my words, and even my cries, as my mother didn’t respect boundaries, talking to me while I was trying to do homework or sleep, leaving little room for anyone else to talk. And my dad would tell me, “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about.” I don’t blame either of them. They had their struggles that stemmed from their childhood, not to mention life itself. I saw them overcome the challenges of alcoholism, smoking and a troubled marriage along with health issues, which inspired me to become a creative problem solver in my life.

Noticing the knot in my stomach allowed me to relax. If you can imagine noticing you’re gripping the steering wheel of the car and then making the choice to relax your grip, it was like that. Now, if I start to tighten in this part of my body, I immediately notice and return to ease. I still have trouble starting conversations with strangers sometimes and I almost always feel a sense of trepidation standing up for myself with men but I am better. One of the most important lessons I teach my clients is that our thoughts are not always true, something I picked up from Jon Kabat-Zinn, who is often referred to as the “godfather of modern mindfulness”.

Since our thoughts drive our emotions and then our emotions reinforce our thoughts, interrupting the cycle with that statement, “My thoughts are not always true” allows us to choose a different thought, and then the feeling changes and we can start to shift into a new way of being. Instead of living in a state of fight-or-flight or freeze, based on fear, which is based on thoughts that are not necessarily true, I can choose the thought that people value what I have to say, which makes me feel respected. The more I do this, the more successful I become making changes in my life as I am creating new neural connections and weakening the ones I no longer want. You can do this too.

As you meditate, notice thoughts arise, and then like a book you don’t want to read right now, put them back on “the shelf”, returning your focus to your breath, or your body if you are doing a body scan. With practice, the voices in your head will become your voice. When you choose your thoughts, your feelings will follow. You can also choose a feeling first, allowing the thoughts to follow. As you do this, your voice will become more authentically yours and you are likely going to notice you feel heard more often.

Meditation helped me overcome a habit of yelling at my daughters. I can guarantee they listen to me more now because I no longer yell at them! The shift happened as the result of two walking meditations where I was able to notice and let go of a voice from the past. I will share that story here in a future edition!

Presently Yours,

Trice

As a leader in the mindfulness movement Trice began teaching mindfulness 2011. She started a non-profit in 2012, The Michigan Collaborative for Mindfulness in Education, and has taught kids, teachers, & administrators from Detroit to the UP! As a Certified Meditation Instructor, also certified in the neuroscience of change by Dr. Joe Dispenza, she has trained numerous individuals & organizations, including GM, U of M, and more.

Growing up as a timid kid, I often heard my parents say, “Stand-up for yourself, because if you don’t, who will?” While their words resonated deeply, putting this lesson into practice was anything but easy. It wasn’t until my final summer as a college student that I truly understood just how challenging—and transformative— standing up for oneself could be.

In April of my junior year, I faced a pivotal decision: how to spend my final summer before diving into the "real world." Should I continue my job at the state capitol working for the governor, or take a leap and head to an island in the Atlantic Ocean to work in a place rumored to be run by the mafia?

I chose the mafia.

Well, not quite. I opted to bartend at an establishment believed to be operated by a mafia boss, based on tales from my friend Petra who had worked there the previous summer. She regaled me with stories of island life, her eccentric boss, celebrity encounters, wealthy patrons, and the incredible amount of cash she had made. It was all so alluring.

So, after our last final exam, Petra, another friend Wendy, and I embarked on a night drive from Michigan to Rhode Island, ready to kick off our summer adventure.

Any doubts I had about my new boss being in the mafia disappeared the second I met him. Mr. Rossi* had steely gray eyes that

Question Authority

EVEN IF IT IS THE MAFIA

felt piercing. He never smiled. His voice, eerily reminiscent of Marlon Brando in The Godfather, added to his cold, calculating demeanor. He walked with a limp—a bullet to the hip, they whispered, meant for his heart. And the other guy? Supposedly, he ended up with his feet set in concrete, thrown overboard alive. After meeting Mr. Rossi, like all the other college-age employees at his restaurant, I decided to steer clear of him.

On our first day of work, it became clear that the position we had been promised was not what we were getting. We were bartenders, yes, but we were assigned to the small service bar used by the dining room waitstaff to fill drink orders, not the grand,150-foot-long, rectangular, cherrywood main bar with 4 distinct pouring stations where all the wealthy patrons mingled.

The main bar was the place to be. It’s where the piano player entertained and movie stars, professional athletes, and corporate CEOs spent wads of cash into the wee hours of the night. Landing a spot on the main bar was the reason we drove from Michigan to Rhode Island. It was also the reason I had given up a cushy, resume-boosting job at the governor's office. Mr. Rossi had promised us positions on the main bar, but at the last second, had given our spots to his nephew, Marco*, and others looking to cash-in on favors, we figured. So, we found ourselves at the service bar, making $10 a night in tips, a pittance compared to the hundreds we could have made on the main bar. We

were incredibly frustrated but dared not question or complain.

Petra and Wendy opted to become cocktail waitresses. I stuck with the bartending job hoping that eventually I’d get a lucky break and be moved to the main bar.

Finally, it happened.

Marco, the bar manager, met a woman who lived off-island. To see her, he had to leave the island which meant he needed someone to fill in for him on the main bar. That someone turned out to be me. Naturally, he chose to take off on Monday, when the restaurant was closed, and Tuesday, the slowest day of the week. On top of that, he only wanted me to work the very slow day shift on Tuesday. But I didn't care. I was thrilled to be working the main bar and felt certain that when Mr. Rossi saw what a hard worker I was, he would finally give me the job he had promised.

On my first Tuesday at the main bar, I arrived early to set up and noticed the bar had not been cleaned in a very long time. That day I served just four patrons—local fishermen who each had a sandwich and a beer during their lunch hour. After they left, I decided to get busy. I wiped down every surface, mopped the floor, polished all the stainless steel sinks and meticulously cleaned all four refrigerators. By the end of my shift, the place lookedand smelled - much better than when I had arrived. While scrubbing away, I noticed Mr. Rossi sitting in his chair by the front door. Between greeting guests, he watched

my every move. It was unnerving, to say the least.

On my second Tuesday, in between pouring drinks for just six guests, I organized the four pouring stations according to bartending standards. This meant arranging all 80 bottles in the same order at each station which would make drink-pouring much faster and far more efficient on busy nights. That same day, I found a $10 bill on the floor. I brought it to Mr. Rossi who was seated on his throne by the front door watching my every move. He didn’t say a word to me—not “Thank you” or “You can keep it”. He just took the bill and put it in his pocket.

Following both Tuesdays, Petra, Wendy and I were asked to help Marco work the main bar on Friday and Saturday nights. As Petra had promised, it was crazy fun, fastpaced and lucrative. I was hooked.

On the third Tuesday, I was fired. So were Petra and Wendy. They heard the news before I did and were already packing their bags when I arrived at our room after my morning bike ride. I asked why we had been fired. They didn’t know and didn’t care to find out; they just wanted to leave the island and find better-paying jobs on the mainland. I couldn’t fault them, but I wasn’t willing to leave the island without first talking to Mr. Rossi. If I had been fired, I wanted to know why. Petra urged me not to confront him, saying nobody questions Mr. Rossi’s authority. But my mind was set. I was going to question him, even though it would require every bit of courage I had.

With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I hopped on my bike and pedaled the two miles to the restaurant. When I arrived, my mouth was dry as cotton, and my stomach knotted with tension. I approached Mr. Rossi’s office with great trepidation, took a deep breath, and knocked on the closed door.

“Come in,” he said in his low, throaty Marlon Brando voice. He was seated at his desk, facing the door. I stood before him as there were no chairs for visitors. Wasting no time on pleasantries, I began, “I understand I’ve been fired. Is that true?”

“Yes, it is true,” he replied, his steely gaze unwavering.

I continued, “I’d like to know why.”

He responded, “I understand you’ve been drinking on the job and stealing money from the tip jar.”

I could feel my blood pressure rising. Being fired was one thing; being fired based on false accusations was intolerable. Despite my inner agitation, I calmly replied, “That’s interesting, Mr. Rossi, because I don’t drink. I don’t drink on the job. I don’t drink off the job. Secondly, I don’t take what’s not mine as evidenced by the fact that I brought you a $10 bill I found on the barroom floor. I don’t know where you’re getting your information, Mr. Rossi, but I assure you those two accusations are absolutely false. At the same time, I suspect you have not been made aware of all the positive contributions I’ve made to your business since I arrived, so let me fill you in.

“Number 1. I meticulously cleaned every inch of your beautiful bar from top to bottom: every refrigerator, shelf, counter, bottle and inch of floor space was cleaned in between customers.

“Second, I organized the pouring stations on the main bar according to bartending standards. Now, all 4 pouring stations are complete with their 80 bottles in the exact same order on each station which means pouring time has easily been cut in half. As a result, your patrons get their drinks faster and you make more money.

“Lastly, I don’t know if you’ve noticed that I get along with all your customers - from the local fisherman to the Hollywood celebrity. I treat them all as guests in my own home.”

Speaking in earnest, I added one final argument, “You are the boss here, Mr. Rossi. You get to choose who you hire and who you fire. But I’ll tell you this: if you let me go, you’d be losing a very dedicated, honest and hard-working employee and that would be a BIG mistake.”

And with that, I turned around and walked out on legs that felt as wobbly as Jello.

Riding back to my room in the motel Mr. Rossi owned, I realized I now had bigger problems. I had no job, no place to stay, and my friends had left the island with our only car. Worse, since I had questioned the authority of my mafia boss, I felt pretty certain I had not seen the last of him. What that might entail, I had no idea, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. Once back at my room, I hastily began throwing my clothes and toiletries into my backpack, unsure of where I would go or what I would do next.

Twenty minutes later, the very thing I dreaded happened. He came for me. I was almost finished packing when I heard the unmistakable sound of his old green pickup truck pulling into the empty dirt parking lot below. My heart jumped; my pulse quickened. I peeked out the curtains. It was him. He began yelling my name in his raspy East Coast accent. "Cawlleen! Cawlleen!" I so wanted to ignore him and pretend I was already gone. Instead, I opened the door. Seeing me, he yelled louder, “Cawleen, come here!”

With great caution, I approached his truck unsure of what was about to transpire.

“Yes, Sir?”, I asked with all the vocal strength and confidence I could muster.

He replied, “I spoke to the person who made the accusations about you and discovered he was lying, so I fired him. I would like to offer you the job of bar manager starting immediately.”

I considered this twist of events for a moment, uncertain if my fear of him or my love of the island would prevail. Eventually, I responded, “I accept. Thank you.” I turned to walk back to my room, and as I did, he added, “One more thing.” I turned to face him again.

“What you just did in my office took a lot of courage, didn’t it?”

“Yes, sir, it did.” To this he responded, “You have earned this promotion and with it, my respect.”

That summer was a turning point. Mustering the courage to stand up for myself with my mafia boss was the ultimate test. It showed me that if I could question him, I am capable of standing up for myself with anyone. While I still find confrontation difficult at times, the memory of that one encounter fuels my courage whenever I need it most.

*Names have been changed.

Colleen Kilpatrick is a Speaker, Creative Collaborator and the Author of “Eliminate What You Tolerate: A simple, proven way to regain focus, increase productivity and liberate your energy for the more important things in life.” She inspires people to bring their best gifts to the world.

"Be Pretty" Lessons of Love Learned Through Loss

Ilost a step grandpa to suicide, a dad to lung cancer, a brother to colon cancer, a son to a chromosome disorder, a father-in-law to Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and, this past June, I lost my 84 year old mother to natural death.

I have never liked the word “lost” when referring to a loved one that has passed. I think we use it because it’s succinct and to the point, with less syllables. They are NOT lost. I know right where they are—heaven.

We will all experience the loss of a loved one and that loss that we experience is usually their gain. In many cases, they go to a far better place, free of pain and sorrow.

There are lessons we can learn from loss. These lessons can become part of the legacy we leave when we become someone else’s loss.

My son, Tyler, passed away at one day old from Trisomy 13, a chromosome disorder in which there are three chromosomes versus two on the thirteenth set. One of the lessons that I learned from his loss is that sometimes a grandparent has a “double grieving,” bearing the loss that their children have experienced and the loss of their grandchild too. My father-inlaw, Gary, taught me this lesson. He is now in heaven with his grandson.

I carried my son, Tyler, to full term. I knew the doctor’s report when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I was told that he would have a brief life on this earth. The lesson I learned was that walking in faith, despite any negative report, can allow you to live more joyfully, without fear and anxiety. I learned that you can have peace in the midst of a storm.

My mother, who passed over 3 months ago, was an incredible woman. She passed on a legacy of fun, adventure and travel that I enjoy today. My mother gave me a confidence in myself that led me to believe that I could literally do anything. While on a cold call for my first advertising job, I made a stop at the Chrysler headquarters and I asked the receptionist if I could speak with the owner. It never even occurred to me to be afraid or that “no” was an option.

My mom, Dawn, was known to most people as “Honey.” She acquired this name because the first grandchild heard my dad affectionately call her “Honey.” Her granddaughter thought that was her actual name. Those who knew my mom knew that she was also as sweet as honey. The lesson of love I learned from my mom was to be positive, kind and sweet to others and to know that you really can do anything. She taught me that we are the authors of your own lives.

Each time I left my home, either by myself or with my friends, my mom always told us to “Be pretty.” That was her “goodbye.” Her mother said it to her and I, in turn, said it to my daughter. It’s part of my mom’s legacy. Those words will likely live on for generations after her.

“Be pretty” meant to be smart, wise, discerning and kind.”

What are the lessons of love that you have learned through loss? What can you pass on to those that you know and love? What will be your legacy?

As we enter this upcoming holiday season, we will all have opportunities to pass on these lessons. Don’t wait until it’s too late and always remember to “Be pretty!”

Kelly Haskins Stonerock was raised in Clarkston. She has been a resident of Goodrich for 29 years. She is presently the CEO of BatsAndTraps.com, an animal removal company that services Genesee County and it’s surrounding communities. Kelly has five children of her own and she raised three other children. She was featured on ABC’s television show, “Wife Swap” in 2005. Her episode is available on Hulu, Season 2: Episode 11.

SIMPLE, SWEET Energy Bites

Having enough energy and fuel to make it through a long day can be challenging. No matter if you’re a stay-at-home parent, corporate worker or small business owner, having a high energy level that lasts throughout the day is important for both you and those around you.

Having enough energy helps you stay alert and attentive to what is going on around you, whether that’s cleaning up after your little ones or filing a report your boss asked for.

When it comes to snacking during the day, these delicious, mouth-watering Energy Bites can give you the boost you need. They are made with creamy peanut butter and honey to curb your sweet cravings but still provide plenty of texture with shredded coconut and raw oats.

They are a perfect snack time nosh, rolled into simple balls, that can help you finish the task at hand.

Not only can they be that 2 p.m. pick-me-up, they are also simple to make and simply delightful to eat. You can store them in the refrigerator in a container for anytime snacking. Plus, the recipe makes 20 servings, which means it’s easy to prep your snacks for the entire week ahead of time.

Stop settling at snack time for stale crackers or high-calorie dips. Eating something that can make your body feel good and energize you for the rest of the day keeps you prepared for what’s to come.

Energy Bites

Servings: 20

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter 1/3 cup honey 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup raw oats

1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut 1/2 cup flaxseed meal 6 tablespoons mini chocolate chips

In medium mixing bowl, stir peanut butter, honey and vanilla extract until combined.

Add oats, coconut, flaxseed meal and chocolate chips. Mix until combined.

Shape into 1-inch balls. Store in airtight container in refrigerator until ready to serve.

Find more snack recipes at Culinary.net. If you made this recipe at home, use #MyCulinaryConnection on your favorite social network to share your work.

healthy eating, healthy lifestyle, healthy mindset From Silence to Strength The Journey of Finding Your Voice

Lessons Learned: Moving from Unapologetically Taking Up Space to Shrinking into Insignificance to Finding Your Voice

Have you found your voice yet? It’s a popular phrase these days, but what does it really mean? I like to think of finding our voice as understanding ourselves and being true to who we are deep down inside.

If it still feels like you’re on the journey to finding your authentic self, you’re not alone. Finding our voice is indeed a journey, not a destination.

Through my own experiences, I’ve discovered three key lessons on this path: Remember Your Worth, Understand Your Beliefs, and Embrace Your Voice. Let me share a bit of my journey with you, so you know there is hope!

LESSON #1: REMEMBER YOUR WORTH

When I began this adventure called life, I unapologetically took up space. But over time, that boldness turned

into shrinking into insignificance and fear. Recently, I came across a powerful reminder in Sarah Jakes Roberts' book Power Moves. She writes, “For many of us, feeling powerless is something that happens over time. No one is born powerless. From the moment you were an embryo in your mother’s womb, you began disrupting things… unapologetically taking up space.”

Yes! Before I was even born, I unapologetically took up space. That realization was a profound eyeopener for me.

From the very beginning, my worth was not measured by accomplishments, success, or education. My worth, from my first breath, had nothing to do with external factors like my bank account, network, or even my weight. My worth was simply in being created in the image of God, purposed by Him, and loved by Him.

It’s less about “finding your worth” and more about remembering it. Take a moment to connect with the vision of your entrance into this world. Your worth was inherent, unconditional. If it’s hard to imagine this for yourself, think about the moment your child was born. You loved that child unconditionally. Their worth was not in their accomplishments but simply in their being.

Lesson #1: Remember Your Worth.

LESSON #2:

UNDERSTAND YOUR BELIEFS

The second lesson on this journey is understanding your beliefs. These beliefs are more than just your spiritual convictions; they encompass your views about yourself, others, and the world around you.

Many of our beliefs, especially limiting ones, are adopted in childhood as a form of protection— physically or emotionally. I don’t remember the exact moment I changed, but I vividly recall the time I realized I had become “small” and no longer allowed myself to take up space.

I was about six years old, playing in Ballenger Park near my home in Flint. There was a cement stage in the park, and though there were few people around, I remember climbing the steps but then lying down so no one would see me. I was that afraid to take up space. How quickly I went from unapologetically taking up space in my mother’s womb to shrinking into insignificance.

There wasn’t any significant trauma in my life—just the usual childhood experiences like moving to another state or adjusting to a new sibling. But it doesn’t take much for a child to feel unsafe, unloved, or like they don’t belong.

The key is to become aware of these beliefs. Instead of running on autopilot, letting our beliefs and emotions dictate our responses, we can examine them without judgment.

Ask yourself, “Is this belief serving me anymore?” It may have served a purpose at one time, but does it still? If not, you have the power to choose a new belief.

One supportive belief you can adopt is finding your voice by understanding yourself and being authentic to who you truly are inside. This is the Inner Work, the most significant part of my journey. It involves taking time to breathe, look inward, and question what I truly believe about myself, others, and the world. I choose to believe there is good and positive in all things, including myself. My worth is not in my accomplishments or external status; it’s in the fact that I exist, created and loved by God.

Lesson #2: Understand Your Beliefs.

LESSON #3: EMBRACE YOUR VOICE

As we remember our worth and reshape our beliefs, we naturally begin to find our voice—our true, authentic self. Embracing this voice is essential to living fully and unapologetically.

You can find your voice too. Start by remembering your worth—the essence of who you are from your very first breath. Then, understand your beliefs, and if necessary, choose ones that support your growth. This foundation will inevitably lead you to embrace your voice, guiding you to live authentically and boldly.

Your journey is unique, and your voice is needed. Take a moment today to reconnect with your worth, question your beliefs, and boldly step into your true self. You are worthy, and your voice matters.

Lesson #3: Embrace Your Voice.

Debra Loader is a Christian Health and Wellness Coach, a Christian Life Coach, as well as a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). She helps women integrate their Christian faith into their health and wellness journey to find greater motivation and resilience. You can contact Debra at debra@ debraloaderlivingwell.com or 810287-4096.

HerFindingVoice Again

BY KELLIE PARDI

Music

has been part of Katelyn Vallier’s life for as long as she can remember. Before she could speak she was singing. Her first solo performance was when she was 11 years old. From that moment, she was captivated by the magic of music and the stories it could tell. By 15 she had taught herself to play the guitar and piano. By 2008 she was playing restaurant gigs and for about a decade, she played up to four times a week in restaurants, country clubs, and festivals, performing cover songs.

Then, in July 2019, she was, quite literally, silenced. She was returning home from a show, still buzzing from the excitement of the evening, when she ran a stop sign that was obscured with trees and overgrown hedges. The first impact, at 65mph, was on the rear passenger’s side, and the car began to spin. The second impact was a telephone pole, the spinning continued. The third impact was a tree. As the abrupt stop rattled through her body and the sound of crushing metal faded into distant reality, she felt an overwhelming urge to drift off to sleep.

With a jolt she was back in her body. There was someone in the street, the wreckage of another car caught her attention, a bystander trying to help. She remembered that she had a full tank of gas and as sparks flew from downed power lines, she knew she had to get out of the car. Thankfully the woman in the other car was ok and together in the darkness they joined hands, grateful to be alive, and prayed until help came.

The extent of Katelyn’s injuries did not become apparent until the next morning when she couldn’t move. She suffered significant injuries to her jaw, neck, and collarbone, leaving her jaw locked shut. Singing, her purpose and passion, became a daunting challenge, and performing live was simply out of the question.

For the next two years Katelyn could only eat soft foods. She couldn’t properly brush her teeth because she could only open her jaw eight millimeters. She didn’t think she would ever sing again; she didn’t want to even look at her instruments. She didn’t even know who she was anymore living in a world without music, and to add to her devastation, the world was grappling with the COVID-19 pandemic, and Katelyn found herself, like so many, facing her battles in isolation.

The process was slow in 2021, as she (and the rest of the world) began to emerge from her cocoon. A deep desire for connection began to stir within her. Unable to sing, Katelyn spent time rekindling other passions. A lifelong herbalist and master gardener, she got a certification in land conservation stewardship, but she craved community.

It was during this transformative time that she found herself driving to a Sisters Circle at Ethos Yoga in Holly. “For me, just getting behind the wheel again was monumental,” said Katelyn, “I had developed PTSD around driving, but I knew that this was a crucial step toward reclaiming my life.”

When she arrived at that women’s circle, it felt like coming home. Surrounded by supportive women, sharing stories and experiences, she began to heal some of the emotional wounds of her accident. “I can't say I felt like myself again, because once you go through something like this, you know, you change,” she said. But being in community with others helped rebuild her confidence, and she points out, “that we are called into these spaces for a reason. There are no coincidences.”

By 2023 the problems with her jaw had greatly improved, but it was still locking up on a daily basis. Her physical therapy was ongoing and she still wasn’t singing. It was through attending the Sisters Circles that she heard about a class the studio offered called How to be Human, an eight-week course intended to reweave our understanding of what it means to be connected to the land, ancestors, community, and self.

Joining the class she was able to sit in a safe community and place with fourteen other women consecutively for eight weeks. She reflected on how showing up for yourself, within a community is so incredibly healing. “What was reflected back to me was how important it is to share our gifts with the world because we are all here for a reason. So after our time together, I decided to take my journals from our weekly circles and for the next seven months, with each moon cycle, I wrote a song,” said Katelyn.

“I think that sharing my story and bonding with those women brought me back into my voice – actually - it gave me a new voice that I didn't have before. While playing covers for all of those years was fun and beautiful and served its purpose, I wasn't really showing up for myself as a true artist. Somehow the community kind of gave me the courage to write my own music.”

Until that time, Katelyn had only written instrumental compositions but as the lyrics poured out of her so did a new direction for her music. In the spring of 2024, she released her first original album titled Songs from the Hearth. She debuted it at a concert to raise money to scholarship other women called to participate in How to be Human in partnership with SoulSupport.org

She believes that often the obstacles we face on our journey through life have a metaphysical manifestation. During her sabbatical from singing, with time to reflect, she kept wondering… what did she need to say that she was not saying? As she was learning more about how to be human, each step, each chance encounter, led her closer to feeling whole again. For her, writing the album was a way forward, for both her physical and emotional healing. The car accident was a kind of turning point - a crossroads, quite literally.

Katelyn plans to take her music into spaces that are earthhonoring, community-focused or educational spaces where people are gathering together to learn how to care for themselves, each other, and the land. Over the summer she played at a couple of festivals and at a holistic center.

“Music has always been kind of like the driving force,” she says, “but I've also always had a love for community and passion for herbalism and the land. This album kind of feels like it connects these threads, weaving my life together.”

She also envisions someday creating Song Circles, similar to the Sister Circles that changed her life. “I think it's really important to sing in community again like we've always done, as a way to honor our ancestors. Human beings have always gathered together to sing in joy, to sing in lament, and we need community to move forward, to heal, to find our voice.”

Today, Katelyn is not just a musician but also a testament to the healing power of community and connection. Through everything she has been through she’s learned that the threads of our lives are intertwined. Music continues to be her refuge and her way of connecting with others. Every song she sings is a celebration of survival, a melody of resilience, and a reminder that no matter how difficult the journey, we can always find our way back to the light.

Katelyn Vallier is currently writing her next album inspired by the seasonal Celtic Sabbats. She teaches embroidery workshops, and makes herbal products. You can find her on Spotify, iTunes, Apple Music, YouTube and on Instagram @NorthwoodHerbalCraft

Book Club Classics Books that Change You

The Third Perspective

A

transformative guide to brave communication for the modern world by Africa Brooke

Brooke makes a compelling case for the significance of less common perspectives in our increasingly polarized society. In her book, she presents exercises, motivation, and strategies for understanding our own beliefs and confronting the fear of being different in order to speak out confidently and have our voices heard.

Find her music here.

Over the roads and throughout the county, to grandmother’s house we’ll go. The MTA knows the way through white and drifting snow...

We wish you a very happy holiday season and a peaceful and prosperous new year!

Lynn Nicole Turner - Finding Your Voice

theme Finding Your Voice

contributing writers

10 Ways to Find Your Voice

shades of health

Setting EmbracingBoundaries New Beginnings The Art of

Using Your Financial Voice Goals-Based Planning

GOALS-BASED FINANCIAL PLANNING

YOUR FINANCIAL VOICE

THE POWER OF COMBINING GOALSBASED PLANNING WITH YOUR FINANCIAL VOICE

Turning Experience Into Empowerment

Lynn Nicole Turner, CLC, CNLP

Speaking Through the Written Word

heartstrings Speaking Through the Written Word

sparkle & shine

OH DARLING,

Never Apologize For Who You Are!

ANGER AS A Call to Action

PHASE 1: EXPRESSION

MENTALLY

EMOTIONALLY

PHYSICALLY

PHASE 2: ANGER=ACTION

law of attraction

OI Got This

Unlock Happiness by Admitting Your Truth

GIRL CHURCH IS FREE IN FLINT

SPEAKERS

HIGHLIGHTS

SPONSORS

The Best Present You Can Give to Yourself

Find Your Voice

THROUGH THE PRACTICE OF MEDITATION

Question Authority

EVEN IF IT IS THE MAFIA

"Be Pretty" Lessons of Love Learned Through Loss

SIMPLE, SWEET Energy Bites

Energy Bites

healthy eating, healthy lifestyle, healthy mindset From Silence to Strength The Journey of Finding Your Voice

Lessons Learned: Moving from Unapologetically Taking Up Space to Shrinking into Insignificance to Finding Your Voice

UNDERSTAND YOUR BELIEFS

HerFindingVoice Again

Music

Book Club Classics Books that Change You

The Third Perspective

A

Articles inside

Her Finding Voice Again

From Silence to Strength: The Journey of Finding Your Voice

Simple, Sweet Energy Bites

"Be Pretty"

Question Authority, Even If It Is The Mafia

The Best Present You Can Give to Yourself: Find Your Voice Through The Practice Of Meditation

Unlock Happiness by Admitting Your Truth

I Got This

ANGER AS A Call to Action

Never Apologize for Who You Are

Speaking Through the Written Word

Cover Girl: Turning Experience Into Empowerment

Using Your Financial Voice Goals-Based Planning

The Art of Setting Boundaries & Embracing New Beginnings

10 Ways to Find Your Voice