I am Neither I used to be so attached to my masculinity that it became toxic / I hated anything and everything society deemed to be feminine or ‘girly’ makeup was strictly forbidden in my mind, the color pink was the worst of them all / dolls were for ‘babies’ because I was too tomboyish to find a balance between the things that I loved. I refused to ever do my nails / let alone take care of my hair or physical well being / I wanted to be strong, sporty, fast, tough, and cool but I grew up in a society that taught me that if I wanted to be all of those things the only answer was / I had to defy femininity / and what did that leave? Toxic Masculinity. I learned that I should just enjoy my life and not care about the judgement of others / when I was young I pressured myself to fit this mold / the binary / and when I was told I could only be one or the other I wanted to choose something that I wasn’t because it was better than being what I am. I have felt like both but also like / Neither / I am not a cookie cutter mold that you can fit into the norm. I am not she nor am I he because I am me and I am free from these chains that my family and society tried to fit me to be / I am no longer hurting inside / tormented between choosing who I am and what is expected of me. I am who I want to be because I control what I love and do. society and family can’t tell me what I am / just because I like makeup, gardening, flowers, and baking doesn’t mean I am a girl / just because I like to play sports, go hiking, and working outdoors doesn’t mean I am a boy / I am me and no one can tell me who I am supposed to be. no matter how I dress, what I do, what my hobbies are, or my career / none of these things can indicate to you who I am. my body has never matched how I feel or what goes on in my mind / you can’t define me by what you think I am or ‘look like’. I am not one or the other / but nor am I both. I am masculine and feminine. I am soft and strong. I am caring and skillful. I am beautiful and independent. I am gentle and tough. I am not one or the other and I am not just one thing. I am Neither.
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I am Non-binary.
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