HOW YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS PREPARED FOR THEIR ROLES

By S. Hakani

Dreaming of stardom? Here are a few ways some Alisters prepared for their big roles.

Benedict Cumberbatch — Prior to filming Dr. Strange, Benedict knew he had to get in shape. His rigorous routine consisted of drinking 2 liters of roomtemperature water and ending each day with a brisk jaunt around Kensington Gardens. Looks like it paid off in the end!

Leonardo DiCaprio — Leo took method acting to a new level in preparation for The Revenant, taking dips in ice cold water 20 years in advance of filming. He even practiced his character’s extreme isolation, ending every relationship after a couple of years. That’s what I call individual liberty!

Viola Davis — Viola had a tall order balancing her intense workout schedule with the required reading of Benjamin Tucker’s Individual Liberty to develop the physical and intellectual skills she needed for The Woman King, her new movie about the struggles of female warriors against the evils of big government in 1800s Africa.

Jared Leto — In order to get into character, this practical Joker sent his fellow cast members some interesting items, including anal beads, used condoms, “Don’t Tread on Me” flags, and dead rodents. What a creep!

Dinesh D’Souza — To get ready for his hard-hitting exposé on voter fraud, 2000 Mules, D’Souza temporarily moved to a sundown town in rural Georgia for an immersive, Walden-esque experience. Afterward, he tried his hand at tampering with a few voting machines. Now that’s method acting!

Melanie Griffith — Before beginning work on Pacific Heights, Melanie consulted with hundreds of libertarian intellectuals on the evils of tenant protection laws to develop a stronger emotional profile for the movie and connect with her role as the lovable landlord.

Where To Sit In A Movie Theater

— N. Khazzam

Tasteful Pornos I Should Have Starred In

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretions Harry Potter and the Prisoner with an Ass to Bang Harry Potter and the Goblet of Desire Harry Potter and the Order of the Penis Harry Potter and the Half-Chub Prince Harry Potter and the Deathly Swallows (Part I) Cars 2 Harry Potter and the Deathly Swallows (Part II)

— G. O’Neill in a paid partnership with A. Buchholz