a yanasisters’ publication
Winter 2020
Why We Must
Celebrate In Spite of It All
The Magic of It All The Gift of Love 10 Ways To Put Happy Back In The Holidays
Photo of Gloria McDaniel
Christmas Without Mama
Why We Must
Celebrate
Winter 2020
In Spite of It All
FOUNDER & PRESIDENT Connection Coach, Speaker, Retreat Facilitator, Author, and Attorney IMANI MONICA MCCULLOUGH is a vibrant voice for women worldwide. Through her transformative platform, YANAsisters, she thrives on helping women live more passionate and authentic lives.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF KELLYN MCGEE is a licensed attorney and mediator, a former law professor and Dean of Students, a writer and editor, and a certified yoga teacher. At her essence, she is a learner and teacher.
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
SHANTELL CANNON is a wife and mother of four beautiful daughters — as well as a Flight Attendant, teacher, encourager, and lover of all things beautiful.
CHANELL M. ST. JUNIOUS is a healer, writer, and attorney who mothers three amazing kiddos and a fur baby. All content in CONNECT© is for informational purposes only and should not be considered to be advice or counseling. Always seek professional help in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your health or the health of others. © You Are Not Alone 2020 www.yanasisters.com For requests or questions, email info@yanasisters.com 2
CHERYL GREEN is a sister, aunt, and friend who enjoys traveling and making others laugh.
IN THIS ISSUE LETTER FROM THE FOUNDER BY IMANI MONICA MCCULLOUGH WHAT IS YANASISTERS? THE GIFT BY SHANTELL CANNON WHERE THE MAGIC IS BY CHANELL M. ST. JUNIOUS TEN WAYS TO PUT HAPPY BACK IN THE HOLIDAYS CHRISTMAS WITHOUT MAMA BY CHERYL GREEN YOGA IS A PRAYER BY KELLYN MCGEE A YANA CHRISTMAS PLAYLIST
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My sisters,
There’s a part of me that wants to pull the covers over my head and pretend there’s no Christmas this year. But I’m not going to do it. Why? Because the sheer miracle of making it this far is a blessing I can’t ignore. Despite how I feel some days, this Christmas I’m going to shake off the covers, peel away my blues, put on some real clothes, and CELEBRATE LIFE in whatever way I can. Hear me, my sisters, when I say it may not be easy. My heart goes out to every person who has experienced a loss this year. Whether it was the loss of a loved one, loss of health, loss of a job or business, loss of security, loss of a relationship, or even the (temporary) loss of hope. I’m not here to tell you not to grieve. I’m here to remind you that even in the midst of our grief there is space to also CELEBRATE making it to this single moment in time. Whether you celebrate with a group or solo... buy gifts for others, all for yourself, or none... cook a meal for 10 or order takeout for 1, there is space to CELEBRATE, even as we mourn yesterday. And, especially, as we hope for tomorrow. To help you celebrate, this issue of CONNECT features three yanasisters who will share why, in spite of it all, we must find ways to celebrate the gift of love, we must put aside the holiday “shoulds” to recognize the magic of this moment, and we must continue our ancestors’ legacies even as we grieve their loss. Finally, our Editor-in-Chief will remind us that this difficult time we’re in affords us a precious opportunity to find peace in the stillness...I hope these stories will bless you as much as they’ve blessed me, and that you’ll find inspiration for your own journeys. I thank you, my sisters, for being one of the greatest gifts I’ve received in this lifetime. I’m sending you love, light, and prayers that 2021 will bring us all more things to celebrate and more reasons to live.
Happy Holidays,
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Imani
P.S. This issue is dedicated to Vivian Gilliam (Cheryl Green’s mother), and all of the other mothers and grandmothers who paved the way for us. We will do our best to continue your legacies and to make you proud!
WHAT IS YANASISTERS?
YANASISTERS is an intergenerational wisdom circle for women — like you. We’ve created this safe space, this spiritual space, to celebrate our womanhood. Here, with us, you will find healing. You will find happiness. You will find hope. And most importantly, you will find a new you.
Connection is the essence of our community. Whether through our intimate online group, coaching programs, local meetups or one of our transformative destination retreats, we are here to support you in this season of your awakening. We share our stories, our pasts and our pain — lovingly and openly — to show one another that we are more alike than we are different. We defy the notion that differences divide us. We are women who are all shapes, sizes, skin tones and swag. But our spirits — our souls — are every bit the same. And we only have one rule. Leave all judgment at the door. You arrived here today, not by coincidence, but because you know existing isn’t enough. We believe that too, and we want to support you to manifest something meaningful in your life — whether that something is more joy, more freedom, more confidence and selflove, a more fulfilling profession or a better relationship. YANA is as much about recovery as it discovery. As you exhale your pain and inhale your passion and purpose, you will find you can do — and be — anything. But first, Superwoman, you must take off the cape. When you need love, we’re here. When you need an embrace for your body or your soul, we’re here. When you need the freedom to explore those hidden, but treasured, parts of yourself, we’re here. When you need to free yourself to be yourself, we’re here. We, your sisters, welcome you with warm, open arms. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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The GIFT by Shantell Cannon
The holiday season stirs up so many happy memories. Memories of Christmas morning: my daddy yelling, “Redddd, put some slippers on yo’ feet, lil girl,” as I eagerly raced across the wooden floors. The house was warmed with wall heaters, leaving the floors with that cool but welcoming feeling of winter on my bare feet... Racing to the Christmas tree that twinkled with multi-colored lights, handmade ornaments from each of us, and the few striped candy canes that actually survived until Christmas day... The strong smell of coffee brewing for my daddy and the sweet smells of cinnamon, butter and nutmeg from French toast flowed throughout the house… The little Christmas tree almost overtaken with the mountain of neatly wrapped gifts — hopefully filled with all the things my sister and I had circled in the Sear’s Christmas catalog. Back then — at least in that moment — life seemed simple and good. I guess life always seems “simple and good” ... until it’s not. 6
and at drive-by parties. And, of course the excitement of Black Friday shopping has been watered down to an evening with Amazon Prime in your winter PJ’s and a glass of red wine. Madness! What kind of Christmas miracle could possibly create the calm, peace, and joy we all so desperately, desperately long for in the midst of this cold, bitter climate of COVID-19, racism, economic disparity... and the list goes on? What gift has God challenged us to bring and receive during this difficult Christmas season?
Who would have ever thought we’d long for the “simple” days of figuring out which family member is hosting Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, “accidentally” forgetting to tell your vegan cousin to bring her signature dish, remembering to book flights for the kids coming home, and telling your one auntie that family dinner starts an hour earlier because
you know she’ll be even later than your normal “CP” starting time? Even the crazy Black Friday Walmart fights will be missed this year. Yes, in the midst of COVID-19, holiday preparation is anything but simple. Stay home. Eat with those in your “bubble” (if anyone). Fly your kids from college in full hazmat suits. Spend your day dressed up on Zoom
Perhaps we find the answer in remembering another woman who had her simple life turned upside down. We all know the beautiful, but tumultuous Christmas story of a young virgin girl bringing life into a very difficult situation – and the ultimate GIFT OF LOVE she would bear the responsibility of bringing into the world. (Matthew 1 and 2). Perhaps during this very difficult season, our answer is the same: THE GIFT OF LOVE. It’s the gift that needs no special packaging or shipping instructions. It’s identifiable without a bow, expensive department store wrapping, or a label. “It is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not 7
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love is one-of-a-kind, and the perfect gift for any holiday. So where do we get it? Whose wish list do I place it on? What store, what website, what beauty shop hustler do I buy it from? The good news is it’s in your budget. It’s not a seasonal item and it’s not in limited supply. No “ONE PER CUSTOMER” signs hang here. We just need to open our eyes to recognize this beautiful gift — whether it comes in the form of a baby cooing; the wagging of a puppy’s tail, the beauty of a sunrise, a sunflower, the smell of hot chocolate being made, the glimpse of a rainbow, the camaraderie of four old cats shooting the breeze about the good ole days, a wave from a stranger, a good “shoutin’, foot stumpin’, hand wavin’, soul stirrin’” Sunday sermon, the smell of mama’s gumbo cooking, the hysterical laughter of children playing, the sound of Al Green playing on a cool Saturday morning, dropping off dinner to a sick friend, the coolness of the ocean breeze, the kindness of a youngster assisting you in the store, or the comfort of grandma’s prayer. Are you willing to receive it? Are you willing to give it? 8
Take it! Unwrap it with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning — without fear, judgment, rigid guidelines or preconceived notions. Unwrap it, take it all in, and most of all, share it! The beauty of this gift is that the more you share, the more of it you will have. It’s a well that never runs dry, a stream that consistently flows. It must have been unimaginably frightening for young Mary to answer the call to be the vessel to receive and give such a gift to the world. That same call to give and receive the gift of LOVE presents itself to us now, in the midst of these crazy, tumultuous times. Will we answer the call? Love is the GIFT... GIVE IT. RECEIVE IT. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
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the magicis
by Chanell M. St. Junious
then honored myself by releasing him. I have learned that there is no magic in holding on to the idea of something that doesn’t work merely because it’s the idea that you’ve always had. With the holidays approaching, I find myself forty-nine, single, and cautiously living in the midst of a pandemic. This year has been full of hard lessons and limited in-person contact. This year has stripped away all the mental decorations. I recently found myself in a When there are no trips out relationship with a beautiful the country, no high heels man. I was happy before to wear to packed events, we met, but if I squinted and and no face-to-face time leaned my wants a little to the with friends, it would be easy left, being with him lifted that to mistake the part for the happiness to a state of bliss. whole. This year has proven Our connection taught me that “new normals” happen that the part is not the whole. all the time. The magic is The love we shared was in being willing to make the overshadowed by the reality adjustments. that he was not my person. At a different stage in my life, For most of us the holidays I would have ignored what I are often like magnifying felt and held on through the glasses. Everything, holidays. Instead, I honored especially the things we the beauty of our connection, lack, often appear larger
and more intense. Movies, holiday music, and social media overflow us with what the holidays should look like. Again, know that the part is not the whole. Especially this year, consider releasing the holiday “shoulds.” Whether you’re missing your loved ones who have transitioned, disheartened that you are still single, or longing to be in the presence of family and friends, those feelings don’t disappear simply because it’s the holidays. Be gentle with yourself and honor how you feel. Remember that the part is not the whole. Whether good or bad, we often find ourselves looking at a small part of our experience and mistaking it as the whole experience. The real gift is in honoring the beauty of every experience, and memory, that you are blessed to have. The end goal is not to merely have a happy holiday, but to create space for a happy life. That is truly where the magic is. Everything else is extra.
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10 WAYS TO PUT THE HAPPY BACK 1 2 3
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in Holidays
GO BIG! Dive all the way into the holidays by decorating, putting on music, and celebrating to the fullest — even if you’re solo!
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CREATE a playlist of favorite Christmas songs.
PLAN A GIFT EXCHANGE with friends… or be your own Santa Claus. (I’ve ordered gifts from Amazon that I won’t open until Christmas!)
BRING YOUR ANCESTORS into the celebration through family recipes and other family traditions.
PLAN A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS: Pay the toll for someone in a car behind you. Play Secret Santa for a neighbor by leaving a gift on their doorstep. Buy groceries for a stranger. Give gifts to the youngsters or seniors in your family. Just GIVE!
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ORGANIZE SOMETHING with your neighbors (with appropriate safety guidelines) such as a candlelight vigil or an outdoor light decorating contest.
WATCH OLD CHRISTMAS MOVIES or any of your old favorite movies.
DRESS UP, even if you’re all by yourself.
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SAY NO WHEN YOU NEED TO! Want to skip Zoom number 22? Do it! Get invited somewhere that doesn’t feel safe? Don’t go! Just say no!
VOLUNTEER
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Christmas Without Mama
by Cheryl Green school, ballet and tap and I still acted a fool.
My mom and I were total opposites.
Yet, I was my mother’s favorite. I know it. They say parents aren’t supposed to have favorites, but you can’t convince me that as her only daughter, I wasn’t hers. An only daughter means that you have a built-in best friend and confidante. Someone you can shop with and perhaps even live vicariously through.
She was the definition of classy and ladylike. She had a great sense of humor, and on occasion could be shockingly raw, although no one outside the family ever saw that side. She was an educator, known for her sense of style and fashion, and unyielding with her values and opinions about how young ladies should act. I, on the other hand, was a rebel…loud and always looking for opportunities to make others laugh. While this often embarrassed her (I was called “ignorant” many times), she was also amused by it. She loved to say that she sent me to charm school, modeling
I can still remember how she went all out in giving gifts to her children. Even as adults we’d have at least five or six wrapped presents to open and some unwrapped “Santa” gifts that we’d see in the morning when we’d come downstairs — just like when we were kids. Years after I moved to DC, I’d often bring friends home to Chicago to stay and visit with me. They were always amazed because she would treat them as if they were her own children. For Christmas she’d make sure they had gifts under the tree to open. She was extremely generous, a quality about her that I loved and hated, mostly because I’d
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see people take advantage of her at times. The extremely close relationship that I had with my mom, coupled with her love for the Christmas season, made getting through the holidays almost unbearable the first few years after she transitioned in 2014. I’d cry every time I’d hear one of her favorite
Christmas songs. I refused to send Christmas cards the first few years because I didn’t like sending one to everyone but her. I stopped decorating my house. I struggled with what to do upon waking up on Christmas and not spending it with her or singing her my traditional song (“Merry Chrima’ Baby!”). I just wanted the day to be over. In a word, Christmas sucked. After she passed, there was no shortage of advice from well-meaning friends and acquaintances with recommendations on what to do to make getting through the holidays easier. I know they were and are coming from a good place — trying to be helpful, not wanting me to be sad. But grief, and how we work through it, is individual. Everything from how long it takes to grieve, to how and when we adjust to our new normal, will vary from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and, quite frankly, no time schedule. If I’m totally honest, Christmas is only slightly better six years later. I still
have angst every year, beginning shortly after Thanksgiving until the days leading up to Christmas, praying that I will make it through. But, I am back to sending Christmas cards. I can now listen to her favorite carols and smile and often even laugh because I can hear her off-key singing “O Holy Night” in my head. A tear — or a few — will still roll down my face as I remember the many wonderful Christmases we spent together as a family. I still don’t decorate, but nowadays it’s more out of laziness than grief. I’ve chosen to start the day in silence and meditation. In meditation and prayer, I can almost feel her presence and hear her voice talking to me in the stillness of the morning. I take that time to honor her and thank her for being the wonderful mom she was. I tell her I miss her and that I’m grateful for all of the wonderful Christmases that SHE made happen. I apologize for all the things I may have said or done that hurt her, and I
may journal as well. Starting the day this way centers me and sets the right tone for me to have a spirit of gratitude rather than sadness that permeates the day. I continue to explore ways to spend the Christmas season honoring my mom and carrying on her legacy. One year it may mean adopting a family for Christmas, another year it may mean playing Secret Santa. I simply follow my spirit, knowing that whatever I choose to do is ok, even if it is nothing. I am grateful that I had my mom for 57 wonderful years. I know others have not been as fortunate... Thank you, God, for the gift of your Son and for the gift of my mother. 13
YOGA is a Prayer by Kellyn McGee
My holiday season normally begins in mid-November with the Thanksgiving office party, and continues until the end of the year, with parties on top of parties, which, along with all the other holiday planning, can be dizzying. This year, though…well, we all know it’s different. Those parties and brunches and dinners don’t exist and have been added to the list of “when do we return to normal?” So, it should be easy to just use this time to do all that inner-work that we know is important, right? We have more time to be alone with ourselves and really listen to what’s going on inside, yes? Being forced into stillness doesn’t equal embracing it. We might even be running from it, filling the void with activities that block the quiet. Binge-watching, bingereading, binge-cooking… these might be just the distractions we need to ignore the stillness we need more. Even if we know somewhere deep inside that all this time of “stay at home” has presented us with the perfect opportunity to go within, that’s easier thought than done. We might even balk at the idea of doing the inner-work, maybe even thinking “all I’m doing is being with myself.” But being alone isn’t the same as going “in.” It’s essential for us to quiet the voices, especially the
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internal ones that have ramped up the volume since March. But how? How do we return to internal stillness when we’re likely spending more time with ourselves than we have been in a long time — even if we live with others? Why do we need to be deliberate about spending time with ourselves when that’s what we’re doing most of most days? It’s important to “go in” to get to the heart of who we are. Reconnecting with ourselves, regularly, helps quiet the noise of outside influences. I meditate. I journal. I get on my mat. I’m not saying those are always the easiest to do. In fact, I sometimes have to talk myself into doing each of them. Especially because I know that going in can bring up thoughts and feelings I’m avoiding or I didn’t realize were there. For me, all three of these practices are “yoga.” They each provide space to listen… and leave. (The “leaving it on the mat” has been a little difficult for me this year especially because I’m also teaching weekly and sometimes “that’s a good idea for class” gets in the way of just practicing for myself. One of my teachers suggested journaling right after I practice and that’s helped me release whatever didn’t get through during it.)
I rarely re-read journal entries. I don’t mentally replay my meditation sessions. The revisiting of these practices isn’t where the work happens. The work comes in the stillness of the practice. Allowing myself to sit, free write, or move my body, without being in conversation with my thoughts lets them flow without my input and then they just float on. This isn’t to say they don’t float their way back sometimes. But in the stillness (even in a moving yoga practice) the thoughts are free to roam and I’m free to let them without reacting or responding. This, though, is a practice. I’m not perfect at it. But the more I do it, the better I’ve become.
turning to my inhales and exhales brings calmness, stillness.
In all of these practices that get me toward stillness, the breath is key. Whether my breathing is the focal point I need to get my mind into meditation, or whether it is staccato when I’m journaling my emotions, or whether it’s cued by a yoga teacher,
I invite each of you to stop for a few minutes, take a deep inhale in, slowly let it out, repeat several times. And remember that we were born into stillness, under a still sky. We can — and should - return there as often as we like, as often as we can.
As I’m finishing the final edits on this message, I’m thinking about two quotes that came into my orbit recently. One is from Marshawn Evans Daniels: “Isn’t it interesting that stillness was our first home but now it can seem oh so foreign and difficult to find? We start out in our mother’s womb, a place of incubation and quiet perfection. But then something changed.” The other is the first line of a poem by Joy Harjo that one of my yoga teachers shared during her classes: “Remember the sky that you were born under....”
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Playlist
A YANA Christmas We asked YANAsisters in our private Facebook Group to share their favorite Christmas songs. The playlist we co-created lifts our spirits and brings the season to our collective homes! Search for “A YANA Christmas” on Spotify. 1. This Christmas (Donny Hathaway) 2. Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 Instrumental (Trans-Siberian Orchestra) 3. Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas (Carl Thomas) 4. Silver Bells (A Few Good Men) 5. Let It Snow (Brian McKnight) 6. Silent Knight (The Temptations) 7. All I Want for Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey) 8. This Christmas (Chris Brown) 9. At Christmas Time (Luther Vandross) 10. Christmas Time is Here (Vince Guaraldi Trio) 11. Mary, Did You Know? (Pentatonix) 12. My Favorite Things (Luther Vandross) 13. Do You Hear What I Hear (Whitney Houston) 14. The Christmas Waltz (Johnnyswim) 15. I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Darius Rucker) 16. The Christmas Song (Nat King Cole) 17. O Holy Knight (Leona Lewis) 18. Christmas Time is Here (Afro Blue) 19. Drummer Boy (Justin Bieber, Busta Rhymes) 20. Carol of the Bells (Isaac Cates, Ordained)
