Deep-London December 2008 by angela ferrara

deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • http://sk.im Bah, humbug... ...and welcome to issue 66. After the sagas of the lost mobile and wallet, let’s start with more traumas to relate (I’m starting to think that I must have done something rather unpleasant in a previous life). This month it’s mostly travel-related. Firstly, what fun having a front tyre expode as you’re trundling down the Brighton Road and/or having the driver’s side wiper give up the ghost during a bloody monsoon, and secondly a piece of advice - if someone you know is having an epileptic fit don’t, whatever you do, accompany them to the hospital as when you return you’ll find your car’s been towed away from its bay because your ticket had run out and it’ll now cost you £260 to get it back. Nice. Thanks for that Croydon Council, next time I’ll just leave them twitching in the street, shall I? Aaaanyway, unless you’re entirely insane you’ll have noticed that it’s Chriiiistmaaaaaas! Nearly. Again. Doesn’t time fly when you’re a) having variable amounts of fun and b) working at least a month ahead of yourself? I love Christmas, me (except for that bloody Dean Martin advert - is everyone else as sick of it as I am?). Well, not so much Christmas itself but the surrounding paraphernalia like going through the double-issue Radio Times to see all the stuff on tv that you’re inariably going to miss ‘cos you’re out on the lash; the Christmas morning pub crawl from Deep towers to the folks’ house; Doctor Who; prawn vol-au-vents; EGG NOG! (sorry, I find it impossible not to enunciate loudly the words EGG NOG!); and associated general festive bandog and bedlam, but in a good way. Marvellous. Usually I get a bit of a break around this time of year as we do our double December / January combined half-upside-down issue (described by my friend Richard as ‘entertainment and confusion in equal measure’) but this year, for various reasons up to and including the need to pay the mortgage every month (bloody unreasonable, we thought), we’re back to a single December issue full of festive fun, or actually not, really, just full of the usual old rubbish but with reindeer ears on... Talking of which, it seems we’ve somehow put together quite a dark issue this month - a subconscious reaction to Dean Martin perhaps - in that we’ve got ghosts, serial killers and all sorts going on - really not sure how that happened - stick some tinsel on it, it’ll be fine - Happy Christmas! On a lighter note, sometimes a smoke, a drink and a ponder can work wonders, and this month we’ve mostly been pondering what bonus items to bung in this month’s issue as our Xmas gift to you, our lovely readers. We wracked our brains and considered a new game, but then we mentioned to a few people that we may resurrect ‘Croydopoly!’TM, and we got such a positive response (mainly ‘YAY!’) that we decided to do just that. We’ve had a look and updated the pubs, changed a couple of the chance cards, ‘rebranded’ it from Wired to Deep and all that malarkey, and thus you’ll find the return of the greatest pub-related-Croydon-based-game ever invented EVER! on the middle pages. We’ve also set up a Croydopoly facebook fan page for all your pictures, updates, game-arranging needs etc. We’ve even found a glut of people who were blissfully unaware of the existence of the game but who are now gathering teams and setting dates to have a go at it. No doubt we’ll be accompanying them and we hope to encounter hordes of Croydopoliers barreling through the streets as per. On which happy yet slightly terrifying note, it’s time for me to go. Just time to wish all our readers, everyone who’s helped, supported and otherwise not hindered the mag this year an exceptionally happy Christmas and a safe new year. Allons-y with jingle bells on. Angela xx Your Bonsai Editor 1

Dec 2008 Issue Sixty Six Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff & contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, nick booth, rick markee-hicks, john chambers, geoff lyons, ed miller/tiger aspect/bbc, nigel ramdial, nick jones advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk printed by: Positive Image publishing & graphic design: deep-london web design: neil williams, info@nojwilliams.net web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net thanks to: jean, tony, marie, jamie; the bloke who offered assistance when my front tyre exploded, nick, neil, dom, karon, mike, sheila, john, kenny, esther, oh, just everyone - cheers!

happy birthday: ben, ian, will, calum, dave, rosco, steve, mikey, kerry, jay, craig, alan, dawn, sarah, jason, sara, richard, tina, jayne, sean, paul, nicki, jenny, marvin, makam, noel. r.i.p: mitch mitchell, turtles

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely free!

Last date for inclusion in January issue -

Monday 22 December

DECEMBER 2008 THIS MONTHS FEATURES:

Mark Gatiss

The Hangovers

Croydopoly!

Miss Nic

A Cautionary Tale

Croydopoly! Board

The Agony

Xmas Lights

Old Crow

Lazy Boy

The Ripper Trail

Rosewest

Wrong Way Round

Stars

LISTINGS:

52 3

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Guide

Pubs, Clubs, Bars

Hotels

Cinema/Theatre

It’s Christmas, it’s too cold to go out, so what better to stay in for than a trio of stories revolving around a haunted house? Festive!

t may seem somewhat incongruous, but not all that surprising when you think about it, that ghost stories at Christmas have a long and venerable history. Even if you’re thinking primal, dark nights, howling winds, cold, ice, snow etc - it’s all a bit unsettling. Drop in a bit of celtic yule death and rebirth stuff and the Victorians’ obsession for the supernatural and the fact they were always keen to scare the crap out of themselves and it all seems to fit together rather nicely - gather round the fire, get sloshed on EGG NOG! be scared, huddle together, get up nice and early the next day and see what Santa’s left you. Safety and peril juxtaposed and

all that. Lovely. For many years during my misspent youth the BBC’s Christmas Ghost Stories were part of the festive scenery until they inexplicably disappeared in the 80’s. Happily, though, with the advent (ooh, topical) of digital channels, and especially BBC4, the spooky ecksmas tradition is returning. Last year they ran a series of M.R. James stories (acknowledged as the other master of the classic ghost story, next to Dickens) and this year they’ve gone one further by commissioning three new chillers gathered under the heading ‘Crooked House’ both written & co-produced by and starring Mark Gatiss, who you’ll

“A Christmas Carol is an astonishingly relevant and powerful story of redemption that has an undeserved reputation for sentimentality”

probably know best as being one quarter of The League of Gentlemen. For extra cinematic spook-factor the whole thing is being simulcast in HD, for those who’ve got it, and the series also, incidentally, marks the debut dramatic performance of one Purley-born mindmelder called Derren Brown. More on that later, but now it’s over to Mr Gatiss to explain more... What can you tell us about Crooked House? "Crooked House began life as a single, 30-minute ghost story. However, BBC Four were keen to turn it into more of an "event", so I chanced my arm and pitched three! This not only gave me the chance to write some ghost stories for Christmas - a lifelong ambition - but, by joining the three together in a 90-minute version, to pay tribute to the portmanteau-style horror films which I adore."

mark gatiss and ‘crooked house’ co-star lee ingleby 4

What are the three individual stories and how are they interweaved? "Lee Ingleby plays a schoolteacher who has found an ancient door-knocker in his garden. The local museum curator (whom I play) believes the knocker came from a now-demolished Tudor house: Geap Manor, a place with a ghostly reputation. Intrigued, Ben asks if there are any 'juicy stories' to be told. There are! The first is The Wainscoting – a Georgian story which concerns selfmade man Joseph Bloxham Esq (Philip Jackson), who has used his ill-gotten gains to buy the old house. He pays no heed to the warnings of his friends, Noakes (Julian Rhind-Tutt) and Duncalfe (Andy Nyman), and soon finds something very nasty lurking in the walls. "The second story, Something Old, moves forward to the Twenties, where, at the Manor, a lavish costume ball is being thrown. Young Felix de Momery (Ian Hallard) announces his engagement to Ruth (Jennifer Higham), much to the chagrin of his grandmother (Jean Marsh) and his friends, Billy (Samuel Barnett) and Katherine (Anna Madeley). The happy couple's destiny seems to be inextricably linked with another tragic wedding day and a ghostly bride who stalks the corridors. "Finally, in The Knocker, Ben himself discovers that, though demolished, Geap Manor casts a long shadow. Recently split from his girlfriend (Daniela DenbyAshe), he finds the cosy blandness of his modern house rudely violated by events from the distant past, and by the sinister figure of Sir Roger Widdowson (Derren Brown)." What was your inspiration for the story? "I've always loved ghost stories and, as a child, I was particularly enthralled by Lawrence Gordon Clark's classic Seventies adaptations for the BBC.

Christmas and ghosts go together so well! In terms of the individual stories, I gravitated towards the time periods of which I am fondest. And in the case of The Knocker, it was directly inspired by a Maori death mask which I bought from a flea market in Paris. It was an amazing, sinister thing and I came to believe it wanted to go home. I repatriated it through the New Zealand embassy and was very glad to see the back of it!" What's your favourite festive ghost story and why? "It's an obvious answer but A Christmas Carol, which is my favourite

against proper actors with actual talent. I doubt very much that this is the start of an acting career, just a fun and flattering opportunity to have taken part in a very well-written and beautifully filmed piece." Which is typically modest and he’ll probably be very good in it, just because he seems to be very good at most things, annoyingly... But back to Mr G; Is this the first time you've filmed in HD? Does it make a difference when you're actually making a film? Are you pleased with the results? "The League Of Gentlemen's

“I bought a Maori death mask. It was a sinister thing and I came to believe it wanted to go home. I repatriated it & was very glad to see the back of it” story full-stop. It's an astonishingly relevant and powerful story of redemption, which has an undeserved reputation for sentimentality. I re-read it every year at Christmas-time and it never fails to thrill me. In addition, Jacob Marley remains one of my dream parts to play." How did you persuade Derren Brown to take part? “Derren is a friend of mine and a natural actor. I thought it would be fun to offer him the small cameo of Sir Roger Widdowson as a change from putting the 'fluence on the nation. He had a great time, especially with his false nose." Derren Brown, incidentally, has this to say of his guest appearance: "I've always been a huge fan of his work. He offered me a suitably small role in a really fun project, and I was both honoured and nervous. I really don't do very much in it and I'm desperately hoping what little I do contribute isn't going to be too excruciating when set

Apocalypse was the first time I'd worked in HD and, in four short years, the technology has come on in leaps and bounds. All sorts of new opportunities present themselves, not least the time and budgetary restrictions of a BBC Four drama, which certainly sharpen the wits! I think the film looks fantastic, thanks to Director of Photography Ian Moss and his team." How does it feel to be so involved in a project – writing, co-producing and starring in it? "Crooked House has been a fantastic, collaborative effort, in particular with Damon Thomas, the director. We first worked together last year on The Worst Journey In The World, and formed an immediate rapport. Crooked House has been such a passion project for me, I couldn't imagine not seeing it through from beginning to end..." Crooked House is on BBC4 at the end of December. Date unavailable at print. See www.bbc.co.uk for details.

A writer called Johnny Argument and a load of punks called The Hangovers on the beers in a Wetherspoons in Purley, what could possibly go wrong....

“

I’ve got itchy ‘arris,” says Wayne ‘Bully’ Bulled, drummer with emerging Croydon rock and roll legends The Hangovers, Croydon face of two decades standing and a dead ringer for Ron Wood crossed with Sid Vicious. “Itchy, itchy, itchy. Bin drivin’ me mad for weeks. Dunno what to do about it, really.” He is looking mildly vexed, because – notwithstanding his itchy bum trouble, to which we will return – James ‘Elmo’ Elmy, 19-year-old singer and guitarist has just dribbled on his arm as I take a photo of them. “Wur,” says Bully pushing the young man away, “behave yourself, sort it out, you’ve got the manners of a Teddy Boy.” But when Bully sees the picture he is pleased as punch and hugs James. “Well done for doing that!” he coos and

they’ve played a lot of gigs on the circuit in their pedal-to-the-metal incendiary style, had a lot of hangovers and even caused a miniature moral panic. “We was in the local papers a while back,” James explains, “when we was in the Ship’s Battle of the Bands (good pub the Ship is, Dean’s great). Anyhow, next thing we heard that Croydon Council and some newspapers had had complaints and letters that we were glorifying binge drinking.” And are you, I asked. “No way,” says James. But before he can give a fuller defence of the band, Bully has leant forward. “Absolute rubbish!” he sneers in mellifluous cockney, part Ronnie Kray, part Roland Rat. “If anything the name of this band advertises that for every piss up there’s a price. People wanna be worrying about

“I like that good old ‘here for the beer’ attitude, like The Faces having a couple of bottles of Blue Nun before show time...” he embraces the boy singer. Bass player Ray ‘The Ox’ Jenkins looks on, smiling sweetly. “What you have to remember about us,” says Ray, “is that we’re a family. That’s how we operate.” It’s a frozen November evening in Purley, and we’re in the Wetherspoons nursing lagers. Hardly the ne plus ultra of rock and roll bacchanalia. However, The Hangovers bring an infectious joire de vivre to even the most measly public house collocations. Just getting a drink involves jokes. Ray gives me the band’s history: “I was in bands in the 70s and 80s. Always played. Loved it. Wayne and I drank in the Tudor Rose up in Old Coulsdon. We got nattering, realised we both liked the same things musically and decided to have a jam. I knew James and brought him down. Them two hit it off straight away. Next thing we were playing the Enterprise in Camden.” “Bottom of the bill,” says James, “but top o’ the night.” That was only in April. Since then

children stabbing each other to death not three blokes trying to have a good time and put on a show.” This is the key to the Hangovers. Their creed is one of revelry and good honest fun. Time and again when interviewing them, you get this feeling which is quite unlike most other bands now, mired as they are either in toxic levels of irony and sarcasm or just deranged with diseases of the ego. Not The Hangovers. Bully: ‘Yeah, I like that good old ‘here for the beer attitude’, like The Faces having a couple of bottles of Blue Nun before show time and then kicking footballs into the crowd. Worse thing that ever happened to Rock and Roll was when poncy, pseudointellectual middle class bastards got involved in it – that’s how fucking Radiohead and other sorry-I’m-adepressing-little-c***-who-wears-blacknail-varnish-and-strums-A minor-in-mybedroom-all-day abysmal bands of that nature came about. Tossers and silly bollocks in other words. I don’t take rock 8

and roll seriously like that. I remember when I got booted out of art college. I stuck my earplugs in and heard Rocks Off by the Rolling Stones and you know what, that’s complete joy to me.” James Elmy (middle name Isley in honour of the Isley Brothers) is, as one would expect from a talented 19-yearold, brimful of ambition. “We could be bigger than the Beatles,” he yells playfully, now well in his cups. Bully swiftly slaps him down – it’s a mother’s job to keep their children’s outbursts in order. “Don’t be ridiculous; keep your feet on the ground, boy.” Bully shakes his head slowly at the staggering nonsense of the statement. “You’ll learn,” he says. “First band I was in, The Honkys, a band led by a vainglorious piss artist and which only played one gig, whenever I said anything about the big time I got whacked round the head with a shove ha’penny board and had to spend Saturday night locked in an outside toilet reading Gill’s Imperial History of England and pickin’ me nose. It was an hard school. Feet on the ground, boy.” Watching them together I am irresistibly reminded of Long John Silver and Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island. James is on one now. The next thing he says is in the polite, pleading tone of a small boy asking Mum for an ice cream: “Wayne, when we play battle of the bands next can I smash my guitar through your bass drum?” A look of indignation and alarm spreads across Bully’s semi-sozzled countenance. “You WHAT, BOY?” he says, now looking and sounding like a cross between Sid Vicious and Fagin from Oliver Twist. “No you AIN’T, I told yer that already. How many more times?” “But I’ll buy you a new one for Christmas, promise.” “Yeah?” says Mother Bully, left eyebrow arched, eyes swiveling, sticking yet another fag in his cakehole and preparing himself for an arctic cigarette break, “well, just you mind that you do, yeah?” James is pacified now. The kid that

got the lolly. It’s the slap-happy banter of a proper little family; the sort of family that might have a copper knock on the door from time to time but basically know that a clip round the ear is worth three social workers, and I couldn’t but help feeling rather cosy with them. I was almost expecting Tiny Tim to hobble in on his crutch and say: God bless us, every one! With Bully away, I asked James about his songs. “We’ve got an album done. It’s called Not All of These Songs are About You. If anyone wants a free copy, mail me at james_elmo@hotmail.com “I like stories, storytellers. I’ve got a lot of things going on inside me, but it only comes out on stage really. I bring

brother’s new trousers what I’d borrowed. Everything. Had to be carried upstairs and put to bed. Next morning, me mum, calm and collected, just said: ‘You better get yourself ready, you’ve got college this morning.” “We’re seeking sponsorship from Jack Daniels,” interjects James. “We don’t want much, just a case a month.” “My worst one was when my doctor told me to pack up lager and drink wine,” recollects Ray. “I went straight down the Tudor Rose and had four bottles of red. I was off it. Off. My. Face. All over the place. Had to be escorted home by the bar staff. Next morning it was like someone had stuck a drill bit through my head. I was in bed for four

“We’re seeking sponsorship from Jack Daniels. We don’t want much, just a case a month...” across my anger and emotions. “Musically, we’re influenced primarily by Nirvana. When we play, I like to think that we tear the place a new a*rsehole.” “MIND YOUR LANGUAGE, BOY!” Hold up, Bully’s back and the dear old boy buys yet another round. OK, I admit I’m biased – Bully’s been my drinking crony for many years (I am that vainglorious piss artist who ran his first band and many were the nights we savoured gin and tonics and the cream of Rock and Roll) – but you’ll never meet a finer fella to knock back a bumper with. I’m into my third large gin and tonic, all on The Hangovers’ tab. In fact, it’s time to talk hangovers. “My worst one was after a bottle of Jack when I was 17 and art college,” says Bully. “I was blind drunk. I was carried round the estate by all me mates, was left at the bus stop, poo-ed meself in Croydon McDonalds, sick all over me

days.” James’ worst hangover was the on the day they first jammed together. “I was just lying all over the floor. That was Jack Daniels as well.” They claim to be a democratic co-op of a band and I ask them about management. “We haven’t got a deal yet,” says James; “we’ve had offers but we’re looking for the right kind of thing really. We’ve got a manager though.” “Yeah, Skinhead Andy Franks,” explains Bully. “He’s lovely. Oldest skin in Purley he is. He was 65 the other week, bless him. We bought him a new pair o’ Doc Martens 14 eye-hole boots. Oxblood. When he first heard one of our demos he said: ‘That’s the most exciting number I’ve heard since Rock Around the Clock came out!’ Meant it an’ all.” I ask what input he has on the band.

“Dunno, really,” says Wayne. “Ain’t seen him for weeks. Lost his pension book down the back of the settee I heard. I dare say he’ll turn up again soon.” We’re all juiced up now and someone realises it’s quarter to midnight. James has gone to sleep next to Ray. Stretched out on the seat. It’s a long day for a young ‘un. “Where can I get a kebab?” asks Bully. “I ain’t had a kebab for a long old while. And my ‘arris still itches. What can I do about an itchy arse?” I told him it was likely his diet of sausage sandwiches and lager that was causing hemorrhoidal discomfort. I’d heard inserting a raw potato helps. “Gertcha,” says Bully – he is a great admirer of the works of Chas and Dave. James is awake again and wants to have a final picture taken – in the toilet upstairs. Bully, one eye shut (this alleviates double vision) says: “Well, we better get on and do it. I got work in the morning and I want a doner from down the road. I got a wife at home and a kid on the way. You haven’t. You keep on, you’ll see the back o’ my hand, boy!” James just shrieks with laughter and runs off. Bully sighs and smiles. Kids tire you out. I remember Ray’s comment about them being a family. And there’s no doubt about it. The only question is about roles. Is Ray Daddy or Mummy? Considering the mild yet firm restraining effect Bully has on James and his ability to impose martial order on this outfit at the drop of a hat, I’m inclined to think The Hangovers are a single parent family – Bully as indefatigable matriarch bringing up two boys; one a young shaver and the other a sensible, older boy (“I’m the quiet, gay one,” offers 36year-old Ray in a spirit of jest – he’s a happily married man.) who plays bass and mediates between Mother and youngest. James announces: “We’re a unit; nobody worms their way in – and nobody worms their way out, neither!” He is an absolutist. Here he is on their latest song: “Armageddon is about how when Armageddon happens, the safest place to be is in the pub!” As we leave, The Hangovers all say goodnight to each other very cheerily. It’s all a bit like a cross between The Filth and the Fury and The Waltons. As I walked away into the cold darkness I reflected what a nice bunch of rockers they are. A splendid advert for the Family as unit of civil society, in fact – and good honest punk rock. The Hangovers play the Ship Battle of the Bands on Monday Dec 8

It’s the bi-annual outing of Croydopoly! Let there be joy in the streets...

or regular readers, I’m sure the marvel that is Croydopoly needs no introduction or explanation, but it’s been a couple of years since we last unleashed it on an unsuspecting public, and we keep bumping into people who’ve never seen the thing - the poor innocents - so we thought a bit of a recap may be in order, just to get everyone up to speed. Here we go then... Back in December 2004, when I was still young and vibrant Wired, as it was then, published a little game on its centre pages called Croydopoly, a monopoly pub-crawl type thing. And then it all went off like a frog inna sock. The end. Actually there’s a bit more to it than

loomed up all of a sudden and took us by surprise like it hadn’t been on the cards for a year, and we looked at doing a new game, and came up with a few ideas which we’ll launch at a later date, no doubt, but the ghost of Croydopoly loomed large, and we remembered just how much bloody fun it was to play, and here we are. I think that’s pretty much the potted history, let the mayhem commence. You may notice in the picture to your right that the board is a Wired Croydopoly, and there is also a packet of cigarettes and an ashtray on the table those were the days eh? - and the reason we’ve printed a picture that is so very old are fourfold; a) it was possibly the finest picture our erstwhile

Back in 2004 when I was young and vibrant, we published a little game called Croydopoly, and it all went off like a frog in a sock... that in that it took about a month to put together and one memorable night (I say memorable, it’s all a bit of a blur) to test it out to see if it worked, which it did, rather well, as it turns out, before we let it loose on the lovely Wired readers. And bless them, they took the little game into their hearts and, more importantly, their livers, and they invited us to go along with them on their games, which we did, more times than was good for us, and a bloody good time was had by all. And we thought after December that’d be the end of it, but then we kept getting requests for us to send people the board so they could play the game on their birthdays, and on one occasion, their stag night (I never discovered if the wedding actually took place...). And then we looked at the board and it was out of date, because pubs change every five minutes in sunny Croydon, so we updated it and reprinted it at the end of November 2006, and again it all went off. And then the December 2008 issue

photographer ever took, b) it sums up what the game is all about, c) we like the fact that the bunch of Croydopoliers at the table took the time and effort to laminate their board to guard against ingame spillage, and c) since then we’ve always been too sloshed while playing the game to get a newer picture. This is on my list of things to do this time round. For new players, the rules are on the board on the centre pages, but it’s basically very simple, you start at go, throw a die, go to the corresponding pub, have a drink, repeat until faded. Or, if you’re either insane or heroic, you start at go and visit every pub on the board in order until very, very faded. It’s more fun the more people involved, you may end up having to try to convince a total stranger that you have come second in a beauty contest (as I did that was, erm, interesting) and you get to have a jolly night out and visit some pubs you may not normally frequent, which is nice. 12

For veteran Croydopoliers, we’ve updated the pubs again, hurrah! We contemplated doing different versions for different areas, but there don’t seem to be enough pubs within walking distance of each other anywhere else than on the traditional (traditional - ha!) route from East to South Croydon, or South to East, depending on which way you’re going. But, this year we’ve tried as far as is humanly possible to only include normal, everyday boozers rather than bars that open at odd times, and also to include pubs that support the magazine rather than ones who don’t give a flying toss, because it’s nicer like that, and thus we take a bit of a detour around the backstreets. Oh, yeah, nearly forgot, if you take a camera with you when you play, and you send us the pictures with some words about how your game went, or at least the bits of it you can remember, we’ll print them in the magazine under the heading ‘Croydopolywatch’, and 25,000 readers will get to see you looking possibly not your best in a random boozer in Croydon. Also, in a new innovation, you’ll now also get sent a little badge, like a blue peter badge but either cooler or not as cool, depending on your viewpoint, as a blue peter badge, which we’re still busy working on. We won’t be printing a picture of it, so only people who’ve played the game will know what it looks like, and we’ll need proof of your efforts, like on blue peter. It’ll be like a little alcoholic / hungover club. I have visions of it being like the masons, but without the weirdness, and with girls. You can upload your photos or arrange mass games on the NEW! Croydopoly facebook fan page, which we hope you’ll all join, if only to prove we’re not completely wasting our time here. Anyway, I think that’s about it - go forth and play - you’ll find nearly everything you need on the centre pages apart from a die and some mates. Enjoy!

Death From Above Look out kids, Miss Nicaragua have a club night...

he revolutionary machine that is Miss Nicaragua spears off in a new direction this month with the launch of Club Nicaragua, described as a military, as you’d expect from Miss Nic, themed night of banging beats, upstairs at the Green Dragon. Intrigued, to say the least, Deep caught up with Barry, the creative dynamo behind the Miss Nic empire, to find out more... What’s it all about then? “Basically we’re going to try and cram the experience of going to a festival for the first time into a four hour show - it is more like a show than a club night - we’re going to have a few happenings, a lot of audience participation, a lot of little side stalls and attractions. The whole place is

going to be full of UV and military propaganda. We’ve even got UV bubbles! The top of the Green Dragon will be unrecognisable, like nothing you’ve seen before. “As far as I’m aware this is the first time a club has ever been run where you come in and become part of a democracy. If you’re not dancing then the DJ gets marched off the stage at gunpoint, dispatched, and a new DJ is installed. Everyone is upstanding for their new leader, there’s a big announcement, a triumphant affair, and then everyone drops to the next big phat beat. “If a DJ thinks they can do better, we shall judge the mood on the night, and people will vote with their feet, or they will march to the beat... It’s going

to be a night where the audience becomes part of the show. We want people to dress up in their best military gear and become part of it “From the moment they walk in they’re going to be getting free stuff. We’re going to have a shooting gallery, a photo-suite, all of it free. You can walk out with two or three pictures of yourself doing funny stuff having shot up a shooting gallery, danced around, been involved in thrills and parades we might even have an inspection where we’ll grab people out of the audience, get ‘em on stage and go through their pockets. Everyone there is going to have a good time, one way or another... Miss Nic aren’t actually playing at the night, so musically what can the

collective expect? “It’s going to be banging house, drum and bass, hard-arsed shit. It’s not going to be for the faint-hearted, no cheesy speeded up vocal house music smurf stuff, it’s going to be proper wub wub, DnB, house, breaks, a bit of clowncore. It’s gonna be hardcore! “If you like metal but you’ve never danced in a dance venue then this may be the place for you - it’s a crossover between metal, the hardcore punk of Miss Nic and low-end off your face at 5am at a festival dance music. “Croydon’s never really had a club where they play really fucked up high bpm dance music. Until now...”

be a great name for a metal band and we’ll all wear balaclavas etc’. Because for a time I was labouring under the illusion briefly that the death squads were the revolutionary aspect of Nicaragua, and then I found out that they were the bad boys, and that’s when the band developed this split personality. When we come on as the Nicaraguan Death Squad we’re the baddies and we like being booed - we like to piss people off, that’s why we turn up at gigs we’re not supposed to play at and take people’s instruments off them to play. We shout and swear and don’t take too much notice of whether people like us.

“How far can we take it? To the point where people bow down and obey us...” So the club night follows the ethos of the band? “Yeah, the whole ethic of it is revolutionary spirit - Miss Nicaragua has always been about revolution. “When I decided to call the band Miss Nicaragua I immediately thought of the Nicaraguan death squads which was a permanent fixture on the news when I was young in the 80’s, and I thought ‘that sounds menacing, that’d

“I want all our shows to be performances, and the club night follows that, in that you turn up to see a show, you don’t pay any money generally, and it’s nice to be overwhelmed occasionally as opposed to underwhelmed, which is what most bands I go and see do. “We want to put a bit of effort in and have a laugh with this concept of us being guerrillas who take over the

gig. Being the baddies - I like it. It’s more fun to be booed. When we play in Hoxton and places like that we used to get booed up until the point of us starting to swear at the crowd face to face and living this act of being this militia with balaclavas, and suddenly people started clapping. That was weird. I think people just like to watch a show. How far can we take this, play militant songs with balaclavas? To the point where people bow down and obey us!” After the club, what’s next? “The Miss Nic Christmas party is at The Ship on the 23rd and that’s going to be amazing too, we’re taking over all the band will be DJing and then we’re going to be playing so it’s going to be just Miss Nic. We’re going to be having our AGM. Everyone who comes to Club Nic or the Miss Nic gig gets a share in Nic Inc, the company. The idea behind the shares is that I always used to feel uncomfortable asking people after the show y’know, ‘did you like it?, Here’s our website, put your name on the mailing list’ and all that, so I just went up to someone after a gig and said ‘did you like it’, and when they said yes I just asked them if they wanted to be a shareholder in the band. They went ‘what?’ and it was just like ‘there you go, there’s a share, come to another gig you’ll get another share, the more shares you get the more say you have, the higher on the board you sit and before long you can tell us what to do’. We don’t have fans, we have shareholders. I think ‘fan’ is a little bit derogatory, it makes someone look a bit insipid, a little bit clingy, so we have shareholders, people who’ve invested their time and money to come and see us and get something in return. It’s like a vortex, everyone we know has a share - but! It’s not just a share, it’s a balcony pass. Anywhere there’s a balcony, you show that share and they’ll let you on that balcony. Ask anyone who’s been on the balcony and they’ll tell you, after being on there there’s no point in being anywhere else...” Club Nic is at The Green Dragon on 12th December Miss Nic play The Ship on 23rd December

...Or, someone else does fuckwit so you don’t have to...

ere’s a fun game for you all you motor vehicle drivers to play this month: have a quick think about how many times a week you actually use your car - driving to work, nipping to the shops, the general humdrum of everyday life you don’t even consciously consider. I’ve been playing this game since exactly 10 days ago and have so far counted an average of just over three outings a day in the motor to perform everyday tasks. So far so what, you may be thinking, but consider this; it’s Christmas, you’ve been out after work, you’ve had a couple of drinks, you think you’ll be fine to drive. As the tv adverts on the telly will tell you, it’s a very silly thing to do, but we don’t really take any notice of those, do we? We think we’re fine, don’t we? Hmm. In my case it was even less sinister and utterly more asinine than that. I wasn’t trying to drive home, I had had a ‘bright idea’ that seemed to make perfect sense at the time in that I thought I’d save myself a few quid on overnight parking by moving the car from the car park into a bay from where I could retrieve it in the morning. Never in the history of humankind has a ‘plan’, such as it was, backfired so spectacularly as from saving myself like, a tenner, I found myself pulled over by the fuzz, breathalysed and promptly arrested for drink-driving. I’m now facing the possibility of a large fine, typically around £5000. Not only that, but where driving bans used to be discretionary, they are apparently now mandatory - let me repeat that MANDATORY - for drink-driving convictions. Now think again about how many times you use your car for humdrum everyday things. Hiring a lawyer won’t necessarily help, but it’ll cost you upwards of £750 up front to find out if it could, and then more if they represent you etc, so financially you’re pretty much knackered either way. All pretty bad

then, but it doesn’t stop there - let’s not even mention the criminal record, possible loss of job, community service - prison, even - and the massive hike in insurance costs, shall we? No let’s not. Let’s not mention either that job on Top Gear going right down the shitter... Now you may, at this point, be thinking ‘you fucking idiot’ and you’d be exactly right, you can’t make me feel any worse about it than I do already, believe me, but I am, essentially, a very sensible individual I have a good job, a mortgage, parents who love me (or at least who

extent or another, and yet we all think the horrifying consequences can’t happen to us. Yes, they can, and when they do, you may be surprised that you’re over the limit at all, or at just how far over you may have been - it’s extremely difficult to tell various factors influence that particular can of worms, and the penalties increase exponentially depending on the readings that come back from the station breath tests. The worst thing is that you just feel so utterly ashamed of yourself. I’ve spoken to someone else who also inexplicably became a fuckwit one

A survey by Brake, the road safety charity, shows that half of drivers admit to driving after drinking alcohol do until they find out about this), I’ve never set foot in a police station before, let alone been arrested, sat in the back of the cop car, been fingerprinted, DNA swabbed and everything else - it is NOT a pleasant or dignified experience. All of which is why I’ve written this piece, as a cautionary tale, and one that’s especially relevant around this time of year when we all get a bit silly. Statistics show that last year there were over 90,000 people convicted of drink-driving, so it follows that not all of them were those boozed-up nutters you see on ‘Police-Stop! A significant proportion must have been just normal, ordinary human beings, like you out there reading this - or like me, in fact - which just goes to show how easy this kind of idiocy can be. According to a survey of 1,000 drivers by Brake, the road safety charity, half of drivers admit to drinkdriving (after drinking any amount of alcohol at least once in the last twelve months), and one in four drivers admit to driving after drinking an amount of alcohol they know is affecting their driving. So half of us have done it to some 18

night and they agreed. In fact they said they felt like the biggest arsehole in the world, which pretty much sums it up. And all that was for driving a few hundred, incident-free yards imagine how you’d feel if you’d injured or killed some poor bugger who was minding their own business, wandering home just before Christmas, imagine how you’d feel if you’d killed a young kiddie? Imagine if you’d managed to kill yourself - a big empty gap at the Christmas table. It really doesn’t bear thinking about. So, we’re not saying don’t have a good time this Christmas, far from it, we’re saying have an absolutely fabulous time - I know I’m going to try to, but unfortunately I’ve got all the possible consequences of one moment of utter madness hanging over my head all over the festive period until my court date in January, which is going to put a dampener on things, to say the least. No, all we’re saying is - if you are going out for a few drinks, please stay safe and leave the car well alone. It’s really, REALLY not worth it - seriously, trust me on this...

Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Beanos Records • Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Eagle • Fairfield Halls • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Pool Bar • Milan Bar • Mojama • Natterjacks (St George’s Walk) • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Strictly UK (Tramms) • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Walkabout • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROYDON: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse • Cricketers

Pick up your copy of Deep from any of these lovely places:

WEST CROYDON: • Bird in Hand • Bodyworks Whitehorse Rd • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Old Derby (Pitlake) • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROYDON: • Bodega • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Unwins (Swan & Sugarloaf) • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) 20

• • • • • • • •

Elliott’s Jolly Farmers Las Fuentes Rectory Purley BR Purley Pool Purley Oaks BR Station Cars (Purley BR)

PURLEY WAY: • Gipsy Moth • Premier Travel Inn Hotel • Green’s Gym SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn FORESTDALE: • Forestdale Arms • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant SELHURST: • Clifton Arms • Pepperton UK • Selhurst Arms • Two Brewers THORNTON HEATH: • The Lord Napier WOODSIDE GREEN: • Beehive SOUTH NORWOOD: • Portmanor KENLEY: • Kenley Arms WHYTELEAFE: • Whyteleafe Tavern

Listings Index: What’s on? 21 full weekly and daily guide Pubs, Clubs, Bars

Hotels

Cinema/Theatre

All our information was correct at the time of going to press, but as the only certainty in life is change, we suggest you check before heading out. The opinions and reviews which follow are those of the Editor and staff - if you have an issue to raise about them, please ring us, rather than the venue.

Got something going on? We’re not psychic, people - let us know! What’s on listings are FREE! Call Angela on 07910 506197 or 020 8680 3558 or e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

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what’s on Every Day: • Theatre: Hard Times Until November 16 (Not Mondays) adapted from Charles Dickens directed by Nancy Hirst. With buckets of energy, original new music, mime, movement and puppetry, Icon Theatre bring Dickens' classic novel to life in a powerful new stage adaptation. At age 18, the beautiful Louisa is forced to marry a man she detests, while watching her brother descend into a gambling addiction. Factory worker Stephen Blackpool hides the endless repercussions of a shameful early marriage, while his factory co-workers bay for his blood. The arrival of handsome James Harthouse unleashes the desires of these isolated lives, casting them from the dark mills of Coketown into the high spirited world of the Victorian circus. PRICES & TIMES: Tuesday @ 6.30pm £10 (£8 concessions) Wednesday @ 8pm £10 (£8 concessions) Thursday @ 8pm £8 Friday @ 8pm £15 (£10 concessions) Saturday @ 8pm £15 Sunday @ 5pm £10 (£8 concessions) The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Exhibition: Statue Philia Until 25 January 2009 The British Museum has one of the world’s most celebrated and diverse collections of sculpture, dating from prehistory to the present day. Since its foundation in 1753, the Museum has consistently engaged with the contemporary world, both in its collecting and its displays. These two themes are brought together in Statuephilia, for which five of Britain’s leading artists have contributed a sculpture responding to these worldfamous collections. Renowned British sculptor Henry Moore spoke of ‘the delight, the excitement, the inspiration’ he received from his visits to the British Museum, and this remains true for the sculptors of today. Antony Gormley and Ron Mueck are represented here by monumental sculptures, Marc Quinn premieres a dazzling gold statue of Kate Moss, while Damien Hirst and Noble and Webster have created provocative new works inspired by the Museum’s

Something to do every night of the week, Yay! collections. These five installations show how our understanding of modern art can be deepened by placing it in an historic, global context and reveal just how relevant the art of the past is to today. Statuephilia encourages us to look afresh at both modern and ancient art, to explore the similarities as well as differences between eras and cultures, and to remind ourselves of the perennial power of sculpture. FREE ADMISSION The Museum is open daily, 10.00–17.30 The British Museum, Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3DG www.britishmuseum.org • Exhibition: Doctor Who Until 9th November 2008 Last chance to see! The Doctor Who Exhibition is the largest ever Doctor Who display in the UK. Visitors are able to get up close to props, costumes, monsters and creatures from all the latest episodes of the hit BBC TV show. On display is the famous TARDIS, K9, Daleks, Cybermen, many of the Doctor's other enemies and much more – dare you visit? Please be warned the exhibition contains strobe lighting, smoke and loud sound effects. Opening Times Monday - Friday 10.30 - 5pm (Last Entry 4pm) Saturday - Sunday 10.00 - 6pm (Last Entry 5pm) Tickets from www.seetickets.com/doctorwho or call the box office on 0871 230 1092 Earls Court, London, SW5 9TA

Every Monday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Free Your Voice World a capella singing drop-in. Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm. Workshop rooms at The Clocktower, Katharine Street. For more details phone Cate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mail catherine@naturalvoice.net. • Music: Folk and Blues Club From 8pm. Prices vary depending on artist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 for further info. Licensed bar. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 21

• Music: Big Beer Band The 8 million Big Beer Band musicians have do their big-band thang at the Brief. From 9pm ish TheBrief, George Street, Croydon • Games: Free Pool Every Monday at The Alma. The Alma Tavern 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842 • Lifestyle: Croydon Life Club Every Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 per workshop (Concessions given) Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EB More info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk • Dance: Ballroom & Latin American Ballroom and latin American classes with stars from BB1 show “Strictly Come Dancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon on Monday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential. Telephone 07944 931130, www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Belly Dancing Come and join the fun every Tuesday. Classes are for women only and suitable for all ages, sizes and levels of ability. Make sure you wear comfortable clothing and bring a scarf to tie around your hips to really get you in the mood! Open level - suitable for all 6pm7.15pm In depth class - suitable for experienced dancers only: 7.30pm8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgher on 01342 850423 The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Dance: Ceroc Learn to Ceroc every Tuesday in the

what’s on Arnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an exciting and stylish modern partner dance which can be performed to all types of music. It’s very easy to pick up, no special clothes are required and you don’t need to bring a partner as we make sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pm Freestyle: 9.30pm-11pm Membership £2, Admission £6 For further info tel: 020 8466 5030 or visit: www.cerockent.com Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Quiz: The Builders Arms General knowledge quiz, always well supported, from 9pm. The Builders Arms • Quiz: The Sandrock Music/general knowledge quiz from 8.30pm every Tuesday. The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley, CR0. 020 8662 1931. • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: Dog and Bull from 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Beautiful People Beautiful people is on every Tuesday night. This long running alternative night continues to leap ahead having been ahead of the pack in the past playing nu-metal and screamo we are now moving into playing a majority of emo. Our recent celebrity visitors have included My Chemical Romance (we were first UK club to play them) and Alkaline trio alongside them we championed Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJ Zoe Urchin also blends in ska (Mad Caddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker) and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Green day to Minor Threat) some new school rock (Trivium to Queens of stone age) and a pinch of hip hop and dance (Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are an unbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke, £1.50 for house spirits and two bottled beers for £3 11pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc before midnight £5 after or otherwise all night theres a full listing, downlaodable flyer, photo gallery , Djs picks and links to our

my space page www.wolfshead.co.uk Metro, Basement 19 Oxford Street London W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk • Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER! £1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1 drinks till 11pm! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Event: Pool Competition NEW! The weekly pool competition returns to the Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, East Croydon. • Karaoke: The Old Derby From 7pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Gay: Club Camp GAY night at the sheep with cabaret at 11pm + electro, sleeze and cheese till late from Linton. Doors at 8pm, £5 after 9pm www.blacksheepbar.com/clubcamp. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Camp Bingo - NEW hosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pm with various prizes. Happy Hour Drinks when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Live Jazz Every Thursday lunchtime from 12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 020 22

8253 1030. www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Open Mic at The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon, every Thursday 8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists or others with any ‘reasonable’ instrument ), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel: 0208 6576655. wwwthegoodcompanions.com The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon • Club: Xplosive The Wolfshead alternative mafia try a new night at this poular South London bar known up until now for its dance events just around the corner from Brixton tube. Into its plush surroundings will come DJ Zoe Urchin and guests cunningly blendingly together an eclectic romp through the alternative genre featuring indie (Arctics to White Stripes), emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panic at the Dsico), alternative rock ( System of a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfits to Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less than jake)and alternative dance (Pendulum to Kanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels and coke £2.50, house spirits and mixer £2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3. 10pm- 3am £3 before midnight, £5 after less for students/flyers/members. flyer to download at website www.wolfshead.co.uk Tongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic Road Brixton • Gay: Discotek Midweek gay music club with world class music. Two rooms of music every Thursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco' in the lounge and pumping house vibes in the main room. Resident DJs Femi B, Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, Guy Williams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan,

what’s on plus international and UK guests. Weekly pre-party @ The Edge and Candy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18 West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 020 7419 9199 www.endclub.com • Club: Rock Night South London’s biggest and best rock night. Live music every Thursday from 8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and most drinks are at happy hour prices till 9pm...what more do you want?! Bands are followed by DJ Tony X. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa De Cuba with Leo & Co. Classes from 8pm followed by club salsa until 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Dance: Simply Salsa Learn to dance salsa every Thursday. Beginners welcome. No partner required. Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight. Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00 club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthly Sunday’s also!! For further info. simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591 The Treehouse, South End, Croydon • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: Soca / Calypso Beginners welcome and rum punch served! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's.

No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Karaoke: Arkwrights Wheel All together now... Arkwrights Wheel, 151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638. • Karaoke: Selhurst Arms Thursday night would appear to be karaoke night bleedin’ everywhere... From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25. • Quiz: Purley Arms Quiz-a-rama, every Thursday from 8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + other goodies. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: Cricketers General knowlegde quiz with £50 prize. The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Music: Boulevard Live music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, South Croydon. 020 8649 9990. • Music: Open Mic Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Quiz: The Valley - NEW! From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Valley, 76 Croydon Road, Caterham

Every Friday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit 23

www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Club: DJ Night - NEW Every Friday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon • Club: Upstairs DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm with all house spirits £2. The only club in Croydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3 before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry to diners of the restaurant. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness Singalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co in the bar from 9pm. The Norbury, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Club Zone following on from Karaoke Madness is Club Zone @ The Edge Nightclub playing club & party classics with guest DJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Dj Steve Mapp in the main room Dj Mark B in Surfers All Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Disco: Twinkle-Toes Music from the 50s to present with DJ Twinkle-Toes. 5pm-close.. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Karaoke: Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260. • Karaoke: Swan & Sugarloaf Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Karaoke: The Norbury From 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Music: Alma Tavern Live music. Alma Tavern, 129 Lwr Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842. • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Friday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Singles: Swan & Sugarloaf Over 30 single’s night in the function

what’s on room. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Music: Mama K’s Blues Bar Mama K's blues bar, run by local blues/rock musicians, open jam from 8 pm, full backline provided. Main band 10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Dance: Bollywood Groove & Bhangra Funky and energetic dance class. Beginners and improvers welcome. Come along and bring your friends. From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class. Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama Studio Archbishop Lanfranc, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 3AS. Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370 • Games: Pool Competition From 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674. • Games: Pool / Domino Tournaments in the afternoon - call for more details. The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Saturday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Disco: 70’s & 80’s. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Club: Saturday Night With Linton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from the beast of butch and his followers… Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze. Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: The Big Double Classic hits in the bar from 9pm

followed by guest acts and DJs at The Edge, open til 3am. The Norbury & The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Dj Andy B in the main room & Dj Randy T in surfers All drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Club: Upstairs See ‘Every Friday’ for full details. Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837 • Music: Live Music - NEW Every Saturday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday from 8.30pm. The Rail View 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Quiz: The Kenley Hotel From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road, Kenley CR8 5AA • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Every Sunday: • Music: Open Mic Acoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The Jolly Farmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m. Tel: 0208 6602076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’, Purley • Quiz: Good Companions Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. www.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Music: Open Mic All welcome! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Disco: Twinkle-Toes DJ Twinkle-Toes plays out your requests. 12pm-7pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness With Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Disco Gold Until 1am. FREE! before 10pm. The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Croydon Backgammon Club Sundays from 8PM. Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon • Quiz: Forestdale Arms Weekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms, Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260 • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: The Rail View 24

Got something going on? Let us know what’s on listings are FREE! e-mail: angela@deeplondon.co.uk call: 020 8680 3558 / 07910 506197

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on

Pick Of The Month - Xmas Eve • Party: The Dragon Xmas Party With fine festive fun from BennyManyChristmasHats... £3 door, only £1 with an advance ticket. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Party: The Ship Fancy Dress Shindig A heroes and villains themed evening of mayhem. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Party: Xmas eve Black Sheep Family gathering with DJ LINTON Come and sit on Linton’s knee for a big Christmas £5 entry ALL NIGHT!!!

Monday 01 December • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of

Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Party: Two Brewers Disco fever 8pm-late. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Party: Wheelwright’s Arms Xmas Eve Disco from 8 til late. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Party: Brass Monkey Disco from 3pm til ‘late. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998

• Music: Dave Mac & PJ The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Party: The Edge Ticket only shindig at The Edge. £7 in gets you a buffet and 1 free drink. From 7pm til late. The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Music: Primo Blues Xmas Eve top notch blues down the Oval. Visit the bar for more details. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Party: Superheroes Party Dust off those fancy-dress costumes. 7pm til late. Free entry. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Battle Of The Bands A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Nigh fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,

Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 02

• Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

what’s on

Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues... • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Battle Of The Bands A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon

Wed 03 • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class.

Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Music: Dragon’s Ball live music from Elephant vs. Leopard and Surrounded by Disgust. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: London Mozart Players 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm.

Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Thu 04 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm.

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 05 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Poetry at the Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Music: The Shines upstairs. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: U2 Multimedia Tribute 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club 8.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Monikers 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. downstairs. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Sacred Mothertongue + Rosewest. Frantic Promotions. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

Sat 06 • Club: DJ Rob Delta playing a gargantuan mix of 60s + 70s soul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin, psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1st Saturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: DJ Sam playing a plethora of aural delights. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Panto: Peter Pan Starring BRIAN BLESSED! 2pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Jugglers 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ

what’s on LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Pyjama Party Anniversary PYJAMA Party to celebrate Jo and Lou’s 7 years as Landladies of Bird In Hand. Fluffy slipper competition. Bring a cuddly toy and come dressed in your PJ’s. Starts 7.30pm Also showing the X-Factor Semi-Final. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: Metal Night 4 bands - acts tbc. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Rock Of Ages New! Live music at the Swan. The Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Road, CR0. 020 8688 7888 • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 07 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz from the Pete Long Quartet, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

• Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring BRIAN BLESSED! 4pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

• Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF

Mon 08 • Music: Battle Of The Bands A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Gay: Doctor Who Night Doctor Who Night Christmas Special. Starts at 8pm. An evening dedicated to classic and new episodes and all things Doctor Who. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all

We want you to send us words and pictures to put in Croydopoly watch, but we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to weigh you down with unneccesary bits of paper, so hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a big blank space for all your indecipherable in-game scrawlings....

Get in the mag!

Card of Reason Eat some food!

Buy bar snacks for all of your group...

Smoking Bonus

You must drink your drink in the beer garden, if the pub has one, regardless of the weather or if you smoke

GET OUT OF JAIL FREE!

You are exempt from the in-jail round. Re-throw from the pub youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in...

Super Lottery Play a ÂŁ1 game on the next quiz/fruit machine you see...

4 Card of Horror

Buy everyone in your group a dangerously colourful drink in the next pub you arrive at...

Forfeit

Lead your group in a sing-along or conga. Attempt to involve as many people as possible...

Forfeit

How To Play: Get some people together to form a team, some cash and a die. If you play the basic game there is no ‘winner’, it’s the taking part that counts... Start at Go. Throw the die and proceed to the pub that corresponds to the number thrown. You can move either way around the board. Have a drink in the pub landed on. Repeat... Minimum number of pubs possible in one round: 4. Maximum number: 20 Variations: Race Game: Get at least 2 teams of 4, each with a board and die. Decide on a start /finish point/pub. Meet up, split up, play the basic game and see who gets back to the start/finish point first. Suicidal Game: Abandon the dice and visit every pub in turn, again in either direction. Corner Squares: If you land on any of the corner squares, stay where you are and have another drink. The game then resumes by rethrowing from the pub you are in. Go To Jail: Land here and it’s your round in whichever pub you are currently in. The player who lands here then re-throws, starting from the pub you’re still in. If they get an odd number, they buy the next round too. Throw an even number and you’re free! Chance: If you land on either a red or blue chance square, stay where you are and re-throw the die. Obey the corresponding chance card of that number and colour. Rethrow again to move on.

Dividend

The person sitting directly to your left owes you a drink...

Spirit Card

Roll the die. Evens= order everyone in your group a single spirit of their choice, Odds= order a double

Card of Reason Eat some food! Buy bar snacks for all of your group...

BONUS PUBS: You are at the mercy of the bar staff, proffer your copy of Croydopoly! at them and see what happens, could be nothing, could be something - who knows... Legal Stuff: All pubs reserve the right to refuse admission. Please drink responsibly and know your limits. Deep cannot be held responsible for any loss / damage etc. www.drinkaware.co.uk

You’ve won 2nd prize in a beauty contest. Attempt to explain this to a member of the opposite sex, not in your group...

Super Tax Stay in the pub you are in for another drink.

It’s your round...

Be Nice Bonus Buy whoever is serving you a drink of their choice

A Vaguely Helpful Map!

• Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR, 020 8657 5550, 020 8657 1110 or 8657 5588

• Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 or 020 8668 8848

• Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0, 0800 147369 or 020 8681 8700

• Kendall Cars 11 Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535

• Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0, 020 8680 5566 or 020 8680 7799

• Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0, 020 8686 4444 or 020 8686 4499

• Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0, 020 8656 1313

• Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0, 020 8680 4321

• A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050

• Comcab Black Cab Booking 020 8681 3333

• Cabsafe on Katharine Street from 10pm-4am Thursday-Saturday

• Black Cab Ranks at East Croydon Station and on the High Street outside Time-Bomb shop

Getting home: Is quite important, so here are a few cab details...

Dress Codes: As far as we know none of the pubs involved have a dress code, but be aware that we will be publishing pictures from various games in future issues of Deep, so you might want to look a bit nice, you know, for your mum...

Opening Times: All of the pubs are open all day apart from: The Oval closes at 3pm and reopens 4.30pm weekdays, open all day weekends. The Glamorgan opens at 4.30pm Saturdays, closed Sundays, open all day during the week. Half and Half opens at midday weekdays and at 3pm at weekends Treehouse opens at 5pm weekdays, open all day weekends

Expert Advice: Thank you for choosing Croydopoly!TM as an entertainment option. Your highly experienced cabin crew will now take you through the safety procedures... As Croydopoly!TM experts, we advise you start your game in the early evening at 6/7pm-ish - you don’t want to peak too soon and all the pubs will by that time be open and prepared for some amount of jollity. Don’t forget, you have to show your face in these places after the game so, erm, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, basically. Above all, stay safe, people, and good luck. That is the end of the briefing. Please enjoy your game of Croydopoly!TM.

Croydopoly! Hints and Tips...

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 09 • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Battle Of The Bands A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Dance: Morris Dancing Strange but true. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

• Music: Hitsville UK Motown band. FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at

Wed 10 • Music: Mumspace Xmas Special Live rock and metal with the Mumspace Christmas Special. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub 33

what’s on Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Thu 11 • Music: Namaste + Narcoleptics + Insomniacs. Frantic Promotions. And the winner of the most amusing band lineup goes to Frantic for the Narcoleptics and The Insomniacs. That’s going to be a hell of a night... The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 12 • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. downstairs. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Club Nicaragua The club arm of the Miss Nicaragua empire launch night... Upstairs. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms

From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Big Road Band 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: Cheesy 80’s Disco Fabulous daaahling. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sat 13 • Club: DJ Rob Delta The man’s a genius! downstairs, FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Dr Smutglove They’re covers, Jim, but not as we know them. Dr Smutglove in full costume mode entertain the masses. 5.30-7.30pm. FREE! The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Party: Time-Bomb 5th Birthday Come and help celebrate with Ritchie and Karen. From 8ish. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Music: Mark Bishop 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Poetry: Poets Anonymous PPoetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm. £1.50. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 34

• Gay: X-Factor Final Come and see who will be this year’s winner of X-Factor. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 14 • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz from PD3, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Live Bands acts tbc. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Mon 15 • Music: Battle Of The Bands Semi Final 1 A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Gay: Games Night FREE Air Hockey, Pool, Giant Connect 4, Giant Jenga and Darts. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Event: Eccentric The Joy fashion show The staff at Joy would like to present to you, a fashion show unlike any you've seen before. Combining traditional catwalk with drama and extreme fashion styles, the show will represent real people with an edge. Get down to the Black Sheep Bar on Monday 15th December at around 8.30pm… the show will inspire you to be bold, daring and stand out from the crowd… If you want to be an individual, this is the show for you! Free entry till 10pm And an amazing 50% off all drinks at the bar until midnight. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House,

23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Wed 17

Tue 16 • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Battle Of The Bands Semi Final 2 A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie, ELECTRO and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 35

• Music: Battle Of The Bands The Grand Final A winter wonderland of unsigned local acts battle it out for your aural pleasure, judged by your humble Editor, amongst others. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: This is not Alternative Featuring drag from SANDRA plus DISCO, POP, CHEESE, SLEEZE AND DIRT FUELLED PARTY ANTHEMS from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, free entry before 9pm, £5 after. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Payback Frantic Promotions. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 in The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Thu 18 • Club: Slaughterhouse UV Christmas Fetish Ball techno, industrial, metal, rock the spectacle of the year, The Black Sheep Bar transforms itself for the next installment of SlaughterHouse UV face painters + alternative artistes Free cloakroom and queue jump for those who make the effort Those who don’t may not be let in! £4 before 10, £6 after www.blacksheepbar.com/fetish Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Kick Top notch covers. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. With special Xmas Raffle! Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076

www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: Indie Night live bands - acts tbc. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Fri 19 • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. downstairs. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Rosalyn & David Live acoustic duo. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: Bad Influence FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 36

• Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club 9pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sat 20 • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Mumspace Xmas Party downstairs with djs and suchlike. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • CHARITY: Race Night A race night in aid of cancer charities at the Wheelies. From 7.30pm until midnight. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Petefest live bands - acts tbc. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Gay: Cabaret The Fabulous Miss Kitty Monroe makes a welcome return with her own very special mix of music and comedy to make sure that the start of the Christmas Week is a real Cracker! The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: Red Herring + Christmas Raffle. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Party: Christmas Party Xmas party and disco. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court,

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: Commissioner G FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 21 • Party: Kidz Xmas Party with mini-disco and Santa! 12-4pm Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Club: CROYDUB THE biggest names in Dubstep: Mala vs Skream Loefah vs Hijak Distance vs Cyrus Benny Ill vs Artwork Cluekid vs Chef Ntype vs Walsh Oneman vs Skipple Kutz + SGT Pokes and Crazy D on the mic 8pm till late Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Jazz Uncle Ken plays Santa and brings you a very fine Jazzy Christmas Special with live music from the Pete Cooper and Adam Talbot Quartet, plus special guests. 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and

8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Kavin Swain From 6.30pm until late. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Hosted by Neil Mac. FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080

Mon 22 • Club: Mary n Joseph’s All Star Sexy Slumber Party Come in your pajamas, negligees or pants if it tickles your fancy… The second coming of Christ acted out before your very eyes featuring: filth, smut, beds, and semi nudity Come and raise money for Croydon Mencap Feat. (in no particular order) K*nt & the gang Wonk Unit The 23 enigma The Cassettes Ten Foot Nun Von Kleet Playing songs of their own and some 37

very special Christmas carols £1.50 a bottle of Grolsch (50p goes to Croydon Mencap) £4 entry, all door profits go to Croydon Mencap Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Gay: Cinema Gay Cinema Night with free popcorn and goodies. Starts 8pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 23 • Music: Miss Nicaragua Christmas Party Bound to be carnage. Fab. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: Common People featuring FOALS (DJ Set) Foals (DJ slot) + The Spivs

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... With live music from Illustrated Youth + Lost Left cheap drinks 7 till 11pm with pure Indie, electro and dancefloor tunes Doors 7pm, £4 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Indie Night live bands - acts tbc. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Wed 24 • Party: The Dragon’s Christmas Party! With fine festive fun from BennyManyChristmasHats... £3 door, only £1 with an advance ticket. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Party: The Ship Fancy Dress Shindig A heroes and villains themed evening of mayhem. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Party: Xmas eve Black Sheep Family gathering with DJ LINTON Come and sit on Linton’s knee for a big

Christmas £5 entry ALL NIGHT!!! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Party: Two Brewers Disco fun from 8 til late Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Party: Wheelwright’s Arms Xmas Eve Disco from 8 til late. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Party: Brass Monkey Disco from 3pm til ‘late. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: Dave Mac & PJ The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Party: The Edge Ticket only shindig at The Edge. £7 in gets you a buffet and 1 free drink. From 7pm til late. The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Music: Primo Blues Xmas Eve top notch blues down the Oval. Visit the bar for more details. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Party: Superheroes Party Dust off those fancy-dress costumes. 7pm til late. Free entry. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

Thu 25 Happy Christmas to all our lovely readers! And they’re open... A brief and entirely non-comprehensive rundown of who’s open on Xmas day, generally from midday until 2 or 3pm: The Oval, The Edge, The Brief, Two Brewers, Crown & Sceptre, Brass Monkey.

Fri 26 • Music: Big Beer Band Christmas Concert Always a top event and an ideal way to recover! From 2pm. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Club: DJ Rob Delta with funky grooves and psychedelic soul. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Disco with Jamie From 8.30pm Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: Electric Experience The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Event: Boxing Day BBQ The usual Palace Home Game BBQ, even on Boxing Day - admirable work! Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Sat 27 • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: DJs Freeqboi & Cherrybomb a rollercoaster rock n' roll ride. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Music: Cougar aka Dave Mac & PJ. Live music at the monkey. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: BrightWhite The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Gay: Drinks Pre New Year’s Eve Drinks. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Sun 28 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East

Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz from The Dave O’Higgins Quartet, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Drum ‘n’ Bass feat FABIO FABIO (Radio One, Creative Source) ANDY SKOPES (Good Looking) MAKO (Utopia Music) + MC’s Blackeye + Goldenchild + very special guests £5 before 10pm £7 after Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Ormond Street Children’s Hospital. 8pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: Rock Night with Tony X Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Games Games Night. FREE Air Hockey, Pool, Giant Connect4, Giant Jenga and Darts. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Tue 30

Mon 29 • CHARITY: Quiz Night The Crown’s fun general knowledge quiz does it for charity, in aid of Great 39

• Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie, ELECTRO and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Wed 31 • Party: The Dragon’s NYE Cocktail Party Dress Up and Get Down to some Live Funk/Soul! £3 door, £1 with an advance ticket. Open ‘til 2am. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Party: The Ship Fancy Dress Shindig A ‘metal fairies and elves’, no I don’t know either, themed evening of New Year mayhem. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon 20 8688 2810 www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Party: Black Sheep Bar DJs Arry Gateau and Colt Zero play everything from Queens Of The Stone Age to Prince, 2 Live Crew to Gang of Four, ACDC to N.E.R.D. Come on down and party like it's 1999... but 10 years better! £5 IN ADVANCE* email steph@blacksheepbar.com or call 020 8680 2233 (Monday –Friday 9-5pm) for ticket sales or £7 ON THE DOOR ON THE NIGHT

*Subject to membership or sufficient identification. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Party: Wheelwright’s Arms Karaoke / disco fun with buffet, raffles etc. 7.30pm until late. Free entry. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Party: The Bird In Hand New Years Eve Party. Be prepared for a special night of fun to welcome in 2009 with a bang! Tickets available from the Bird In Hand at £2 each. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Party: Two Brewers New Year Disco from 8pm til late. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Party: Brass Monkey with a cold buffet, disco and champagne at midnight. £5 entry, tickets now on sale. 7.30pm-2am. Brass Monkey, 6-8 Tudor Court, Russell Hill Road, Purley, CR8 2LA 020 8660 8998 • Music: 3 Masons The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Party: The Edge Ticket only shindig at The Edge. £7 in gets you a buffet and 1 free drink. From 7pm til late. The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Party: The Oval No details as we went to press but bound to be good fun. Visit the bar for more details. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Party: The Brief Uplifting bouncy cheesy guilty pleasures disco. £2 in, from 7pm until early! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

• Party: Fairfield Halls 7pm. See website for details Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Thu 01 January 2009 HAPPY NEW YEAR! • Event: National Hangover Day It’s National Hangover Day at The Dragon! Come down for Fry-Ups, Water, maybe even Hair Of The Dog. And if you've got your head together by the evening, join Wendy's Pub Quiz... Open from midday - 10.30pm The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Fri 02 • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Sat 03 • Club: DJ Rob Delta playing a gargantuan mix of 60s + 70s soul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin, psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1st Saturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Drum ‘n’ Bass Night DnB DJs. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 04 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms

From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: Noise Details tbc, check the website... Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Mon 05 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 41

what’s on e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night – fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Got something going on? Let us know what’s on listings are FREE! e-mail: angela@deeplondon.co.uk

pubs, clubs & bars • Addington Village Inn 36 Addington Village Rd, Addington, CR0 01689 842057 • All Bar One 10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033 • Alma Tavern - DS 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DS 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638 • Bar Red Square - DS 63-65 High St, CR0 020 8688 1020 • Bedford Tavern - DS 16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584 • Beehive - DS 47 Woodside Green, South Norwood, SE25 5HQ. 020 8662 1941 • Bird in Hand - DS 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, London CR0 2EL Tel: 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook! • Bishops Wine Bar 1129 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 7340 Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pm Closed Sunday. • Black Sheep Bar - DS 68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233 www.blacksheepbar.com • Bricklayers Arms - DS 237 High Street Beckenham • Bodega - DS 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Brief - DS 48 George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878 • Builders Arms - DS 65 Leslie Park Rd, CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803 • Bulls Head - DS 39 Laud St, CR0 020 8760 0150 • Claret Free House - DS 5a Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA 020 8656 7452 • Coombe Lodge 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Crescent Arms 323 Whitehorse Road, CR0. 020 8684 2310 • Cricketers - DS 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Cricketers

107 Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8662 1921 • Croham Arms - DS Croham Rd, CR2 020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DS 28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235 • Crown and Anchor - DS 19 Park Road, Bromley • Crown & Pepper - DS 242 High St, CR0 1NF. 020 8688 7507 • Crown and Sceptre - DS 32 Junction Road, CR2. 020 8688 8037 • Davy’s Wine Vaults - DS 122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419 • Dog and Bull - DS 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664 • Drum and Monkey 7 Gloucester Rd, CR0 • Duke of Cambridge 7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR 020 8665 6440 • Duke of Gloucester 258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971 • Eagle - DS 52 Tamworth Road (Reeves Corner), 020 8686 7474 • Earl of Eldon - DS 63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473 • Edge - DS 1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933 • Elliott’s - DS 5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361 • Fairfield Tavern - DS Fairfield Halls, CR0 • First Base City Limits, The Colonnades, Purley Way • Fishermans Arms 78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP 020 8689 7887 • Folly - DS 13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8688 3920 • Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260 • Fountainhead 114 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 4025 • Fox Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon, CR3 01883 330401 • Foxley Hatch 8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley, CR8. 020 8763 9307

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Freelands Tavern - DS 31 Freelands Road, Bromley • George - DS 17-21 George St, CR0 020 8649 2944 • George 132 Canterbury Rd, CR0 020 8689 7911 • Gipsy Moth - DS Unit 7, The Colonnades, 619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ 020 8686 8923 • Glamorgan - DS 81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333 • Golden Lion 144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB 020 8684 1395 • Good Companion Limpsfield Road, South Croydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655. www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market DS 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG 020 8688 4798 • Granaries 6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000 • Grange 21 Norbury Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 3783 • Green Dragon - DS 58-60 High St, CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684 • Gun Tavern - DS Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472 • Gypsy Tavern Wine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0 020 8688 6750 • Half and Half 282 High St, CR0 1NG 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Hare and Hounds 325 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 0420 • Harvest Home 27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813 • Horseshoe 745 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7, 020 8665 6305 • Hub New club 80-88 High St, CR0 020 8680 5500 • Hustler Club 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com • Jack and Jill Longlands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5 42

• Jolly Farmers - DS 7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208 660 2076 • Lion Inn 182 Padsons Rd, CR0 020 8684 2978 • Lord Napier 111 Beulah Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Loop - DS www.looppoolbar.com 12 Crown Hill, CR0 • Man on the Moon 112 Headley Drive, New Addington, CR0 0QF 01689 847550 • Milan Bar / Lloyds - DS 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870 • New Inn 148 Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8665 1440 • Newton Arms 175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654 • Norbury - DS 1300 London Road, Norbury. SW16 4DG. 020 8679 0632 • Old Derby - DS 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674 • Old Fox and Hounds 1 London Rd, CR0 • Orchard - DS 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 3682 • Oval - DS 131 Oval Rd, CR0 020 8686 6023 • Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8771 3816 • Padson’s Arms 69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA 020 8684 2378 • Pitlake Arms 73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD 020 8688 0428 • Pistols - DS 208-210 Brighton Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2NF • Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7151 • Plough Inn Croydon Rd, The Broadway, CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122 • Porter and Sorter - DS 1 Billinton Hill (formerly Station Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296

pubs, clubs & bars / hotels / cinema & theatre • Portmanor Portland Road, South Norwood SE25 4UF • Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8239 0029 • Purley Arms - DS 345 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 3792 • Railview - DS 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, Thornton Heath • Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476 • Rectory - DS 908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396 • Red Deer - DS 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599 • Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 020 8653 9991 • Rileys Croydon 1st Floor, 63 Frith Road, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB. Telephone: 020 86497788 • Rileys Purley Way 31 Imperial Way, Purley Way, CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DS 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS 020 8688 9749 • Saints and Sinners 482 London Rd, CR0. 020 8689 3713 • Sandrock Hotel - DS 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 • Selhurst Arms Selhurst Rd, SE25 • Ship - DS 47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810 www.theship.org • Ship of Fools 9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835 • Shirley Inn - DS l158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley 152-154 Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457 • Skylark 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909 • Smugglers Inn 320 Chipstead Valley Rd,

Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457 • Spread Eagle - DS 39 High St, CR0 1QD 020 8781 1134 • Stag 234-236 Addington Rd, Selsdon, 020 8657 6265 • Stag and Hounds - DS 26 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 1908 • Star 101 Southbridge Rd, CR0. 020 8688 2638 • Surprise Inn - DS 107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0. 020 8656 6820 • Surrey Cricketers - DS 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781 • Swan and Sugarloaf - DS 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562 020 8688 7888 • Thomas Farley 61 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7975 • Tiger Tiger - DS 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tudor Rose Coulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR5 01737 553368 • Two Brewers - DS 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544 • Txt Bar - DS 73 South End, CR0 020 8667 1308 • Upstairs 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross 228 Bensham Lane, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8684 3022 • Vintage 34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ 020 8686 5600 www.vintage-bar.com • Walkabout - DS 12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559 • Welcome Inn 300 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 • Wheatsheaf 759 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7161 • Wheelwrights Arms - DS 126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DS St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 020 8684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Windsor Castle - DS 415 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8680 4559 • Woodman - DS 36 Upland Rd, CR2 020 8688 4725 • Yates’s Wine Lodge - DS 3-11 High St, CR0 020 8681 8219 • Ye Olde Clock Tower 35 Whitehorse Road, CR0 020 8684 0288

hotels • Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120 Purley Way, CRO 020 8680 1999 • Coombe Lodge Around £55. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0, 020 8686 2030 • Coulsdon Manor Hotel 4 star. £108-£130 Coulsdon Court Rd, Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414 • Croydon Park Hotel 4 star. £125 - £140. Gym and pool. And a bar open to non-residents. 7 Altyre Road, CRO 020 8680 9200 • Express Holiday Inn WS Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road, (behind Debenhams) Croydon • Fairfield Hotel 2 star. £60ish. 1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO 020 8681 3381 • Hilton Croydon 4 star. £110. Waddon Way (off Purley Way), CRO. 020 8680 3000 • Innkeepers Lodge (Windsor Castle) - WS £70. 415 Brighton Rd, South Croydon, CR2 0870 243 0500 • Jury’s Inn 3 star. From £69. Wellesley Rd, CR0, 0870 907 2222 • Kirkdale Hotel £45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd, CRO. 020 8688 5898 • Premier Travel Inn £55ish. The Colonnades Leisure Park, 619 Purley Way, 43

CR0. 0870 990 6554 • Selsdon Park Hotel 4 star. £100-£175. 126 Addington Rd, CR2 020 8657 8811 • South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£75 3-5 South Park Rd, CR2 020 8688 5644

cinema / theatre .• Fairfield Halls - WS Theatre and cinema. Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG box office: 020 8688 9291 admin: 020 8681 3381 www.fairfield.co.uk • Warehouse Theatre - WS Theatre and bar. Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Vue Grants 10 screen cinema complex. 14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info: 08702 406020 enquiries: 020 8688 0606 www.warnervillage.co.uk • Vue Purley Way 8 screen cinema complex. Valley Park Leisure Complex, Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR0 4YA. bookings, info and enquiries: 08702 406020 www.warnervillage.co.uk • David Lean Cinema - WS 80 seater cinema & bar mostly art-house and alternative films. Croydon Clocktower, Katherine Street, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May dishes out some gongs...

ello again, fellow Croydonites. Well this month has been a bit of a non-starter musically – not I might add because there haven’t been things going on, but because I’ve tended to get rather sidetracked on my way to gigs and arrived just as the final notes are echoing round the room. I do apologise for this and will try to do better next month. Edith and I started the month (well, ended the last one) with a Halloween party and we spent all day cooking Halloween style treats and rounding up local urchins. However, they seemed strangely reluctant to indulge in our Maggot Jelly and Mildew Muffins so by 7pm Edith and I had had so many enumbers that we were completely out of control. Edith put on her new Foo Fighters DVD and we tried to spot ourselves in the crowd and impress the children with our air-triangling skills while they sat quietly on the floor and played “Operation” until their parents came and rescued them. Apparently we’re on our own next year! I’ve recently taken up charity work to get into God’s good books in case I’m called earlier than expected. I offered to help my good friend Creepy organise his forthcoming “Jack the Ripper” Tours (see article, this issue) and we set aside an evening for some quiet industriousness. We started off well enough and by midnight we’d managed to produce a poster, some small flyers and litter the floor with a carpet of empty cans and bottles. The leaflet took far more work as we had to unwobble columns and remember telephone numbers in the right order and by 4am I was slightly regretting my impulsiveness. Creepy got so into the spirit of it that he was last seen running off down the road wearing a bin-bag cloak and wielding an Early Learning Centre Sandwich Set butter knife shouting something about going to the butcher’s to get some tarts. The first tour is at 6pm on 7th December starting at the Blind Beggar in Whitechapel Road. I’ll be wearing a jolly bonnet. Getting into the Christmas spirit, Edith and I took Jonny Carnage along to see his hero Brian Blessed turn on the Christmas lights in Croydon. We got there early and

stationed ourselves, appropriately, in BB’s Coffee & Muffins, although Brian had apparently got there first as they were completely out of muffins. After the excitement of the countdown and switchon, Mr. Carnage thought he saw Mr. Blessed beating a hasty retreat through the Whitgift Centre, resulting in a covert stalking operation (luckily I had just read “Spying for Dummies”) although we lost him somewhere near Hawkin’s Bazaar. Hopefully he’ll make it back to the Fairfield Halls in time for the Christmas Panto. Musically this month I was at the Ship for the re-return of Steve the Ears and his Bar Balancing Bonanza and a fabulous

“For Halloween Edith and I tried to impress the local urchins with our airtriangling skills...” night of music, mayhem and madness was had by all. I was also at the Brief for Rosewest’s album launch party and again agreed to man the Pizza Oven of Doom for the night, resulting in me being awarded the accolade of Pizza Queen – however by this time the ringing in my ears had got so loud I didn’t actually get to hear my moment of triumph (or collect my award!).

And talking of awards, in anticipation of the nominations for the Pure Rawk Awards (you can vote at www.purerawk.co.uk), I’ve put together my own ‘alternative’ awards list collected over the last few months *cue drumroll*: Most impressive sideburns – Ben, Sons of Merrick; Weirdest phobia – Lavender (Jamie, Mordecai); Most superheroes in one place – The Ship, 11.30pm, 19th September; Finest dimples – Aimee, Cellar Door; Most unusual merchandise – Shopping trollies (Disarm); Most versatile person of the year – Dom (The Brief) – drumming, smiling, bartending, pizza burning, jumping, losing things, pyrotechnic creativity; Best t-shirt – Jonny Carnage; Drunkest night – Tuesday; Most exciting moshpit – Black Lantern, Rockstock; Most Diva guitar – Simon, Ten Foot Nun; Most artistic handstamping Creepy; Most annoying thing to do – blutack a hotel counter bell to the bar in the Ship Well that’s all for this month, folks. I hope to see you ALL at the Ship for their Battle of the Bands competition starting on 1st December (see www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon for full details). Have a sparkly Christmas and a fun-filled New Year. Keep in touch at www.myspace.com/auntiemay99 and I’ll see you at the bar.

Let There Be Light! T

he town centre Christmas lights were switched on Saturday the 15th November during a lively day of activity for all the family in the North End area. On a dry, mild day crowds turned out in their thousands to see two sets of lights being turned on to officially launch Christmas in Croydon. People were entertained by a variety of acts on both the BID (Business Improvement District) and Allders stages. Acts included Miss Christmas and the Christmas Children (pictured with Brian Blessed who is appearing as Captain Hook in Panto at Farifield Halls this year), the ‘Pantastic Players’ & ‘Pandemonium’ steel bands, The ‘Oasis Academy’ Samba dancers, the ‘Move It Aside’ Hip Hop troop, the ‘Aspara Arts’ Bollywood dancers and the swing band

Jive Aces in the lead up to the switch on events – which took place at 5pm in the Bellmouth area and then 5.15pm outside Allders. After the lights went on, the GLOW Magic Lantern Parade saw hundreds of local children walking together down the street with an array of lanterns which they had all made themselves in a workshop earlier that day at Croydon Clocktower. Members of the public followed the parade down the street and into Queens Gardens where proceedings were finished off with a spectacular acrobatic display and Fire Garden. “We are delighted with the launch of the Christmas activities,” said Ros Morgan, BID Manager. “There was a fantastic turnout, which bodes well for the Christmas shopping season here in

Croydon Town Centre, which is sure to be a busy time. We are looking forward to a fun packed family Christmas with entertainment planned every day of the week in the Town Centre throughout December.” “This year Christmas Light switch on was the best that Croydon has witnessed,” said Max Menon Director at Allders. “I am absolutely delighted that both Allders and Croydon BID provided venues in the centre of Croydon for families to enjoy a wonderful day of entertainment. This was also an opportunity for Croydon to show what a positive and fun place it can be.” For a full programme of what’s going on visit www.croydonchristmasfestival.com

FeedMe Music’s Rock’n’Roll Question time returns with South West London rockers Old Crow... 1) What was the first single/album you bought? Guns And Roses - Use your Illusion 1+2 2) Was it vinyl/cassette/CD? Cassette, to this day still sounds better than a cd version! 3) When did you realise that taking over the world with your music was your chosen career path? World domination? Musically? Well it is every kid’s dream, certainly mine, growing up with GNR, Metallica, Pantera, it was inevitable.

6) If you could support any band in the world at any venue in the world, who and where? Duff Mckagan, London Astoria 7) How many instruments can you play? As many guitars as you give me. Possibly only one at a time though! No seriously! 8) Can you read music? Unfortunately no 9) If your band could cover a particular song, which song do you think it would be? Dirt -Alice in Chains

“World domination? “Musically? Well it is every kid’s dream, certainly mine, growing up with GNR, Metallica etc, it was inevitable...” 4) Did you have a career advisor at school and if so what did they initially suggest? Yeah, we did a test to see what our outcome would be. Dustbin man! Not that there's anything wrong with it, just wasn't the most academic pupil. So much for boarding school! 5) What has been your best gig to date and why? The London Astoria 2. Been going there since I was 16 to watch some of my favourite death and heavy metal bands, so being on the same stage, WOW!

10) Who or which band has inspired you the most creatively? Mr Cobain 11) Who or which band has inspired your element of ‘cool’? Led Zeppelin 12) Have you ever busked in the street? If you consider playing a festival in the main square in Essen-Germany, then yes 13) Are you signed yet? Nope 14) Who are the band members and what do they play? Matt (Lord Matthias) bass and office boy 3 days a week, Nick (Nick Mars)

keyboard and computer whizkid, Gideon (Rockhead) drummer and hippie, me – Ant (Ainit) guitar, vox and whatever is going on. usually installing art shows... 15) Do you own a pot plant? Yeah, basil, mint,....er, no! Old Crow play the London Astoria 2 on Friday 19th December www.myspace.com/oldcrowband

As friend of the mag Creepy begins a new venture taking people around its infamous sites, time for a bit of background on one of the most enduring murder mysteries ever...

or a fair few years and still to this day, people ask me “why are you called Creepy?” Now there is a question. Is it because I’m a little odd? Is it because I used to work at The London Dungeon? Well, the story of this begins in 1994 when a trip with my dad and my sister to the aforementioned London Dungeon turned into terror when a story about a cloaked killer stalking the streets of London 98 years before I was born scared the bejeezus out of me. An obsession grew out of this and visits to the streets of the murders followed in an attempt to understand more. Come 2001 and an old school friend asked me about the whole thing, and since telling her that five years on I was still studying the murders, she dubbed me Creepy.

nearby location for a doctor to examine it. While the body was being stripped, the doctor discovered that the woman had a long cut that ran from groin to sternum and that her intestines had protruded. The woman was quickly identified as Mary Ann Nichols, a prostitute in the area last seen walking down Whitechapel Road by a friend who noticed that Mary was drunk and slurry. Only a week later on the 8th of September in Hanbury Street, a 10 minute walk from Bucks Row, one of the occupants of number 29 went into his backyard only to notice the horrifically mutilated body of another woman. Her throat had been cut and her intestines had been flung over her right shoulder. The occupant quickly alerted the police to the scene where a doctor also

Radical measures were introduced to try to find the Ripper including having burly policemen dress as women to lure him out... The muders and the mystery surrounding them remain an ongoing passion, and starting on 7th December I’ll be putting these years of research to good use by conducting tours around the streets of Whitechapel where the grisly tale unfolds. Before that though, just to get you in the mood, I’m going to chuck some history your way, whether you like it or not. A history of the women who walked the streets of London’s poorest district 120 years ago, women who while attempting to find solace felt the knife of the killer known as Jack the Ripper. On the 31st of August 1888 Charles Cross and Robert Paul were making their way to work. Walking down Bucks Row, they noticed a bundle lying in the street. Upon closer inspection they noticed it was the body of a woman and they hurried along to find some help. A policeman then arrived and shone his torch in the woman’s face and noticed the long jagged cut from ear to ear and the pool of blood around her. Reinforcements were quickly on the scene and the body was taken to a

made the discovery that her uterus had been removed and taken away, supposedly by her killer. The woman was identified as Annie Chapman, another prostitute of the area who was a known alcoholic and brawler. The police started to bring in officers from other districts to search for the killer, as did the people of London who started vigilance committees to aid the police. Up to this point, newspapers ran stories about The Whitechapel Fiend or Leather Apron but it wasn’t until the 27th of September that the name Jack the Ripper first came to light, when a newspaper received a letter written in red ink signed by the ripper. He promised more bodies and basically mocked the police search for him. It was three days later on the 30th that Jack made true of his word to kill again by striking twice in one night. His first victim, Elizabeth Stride was found in Berner Street at 1am and his second; Catherine Eddowes was found 45 minutes later in Mitre Square. Both women had their throats cut but Catherine Eddowes was the only one to suffer any abdominal injuries. Some 50

people believed the Ripper was disturbed while killing Stride so ran seven minutes down the road to find more prey. It was also this night the Ripper left his first clue in the shape of a piece of Eddowes’ apron in a doorway in Goulston Street. Even more interesting was a message written in chalk above that read “The Juwes are the Men that will not be blamed for nothing” Was the killer giving his identity to the police or was this just some anti-Semitic graffiti in a prominent Jewish district of London. Either way to avoid riots the police opted to erase the message. London was in a state of shock at these new events and radical measures were brought in to try and find the Ripper, including burly police officers dressing up as women to lure out the killer. Bloodhounds were brought in as well, but proved useless on the busy, filthy streets. It was after about two weeks of non-activity from the killer that a letter supposedly ‘From Hell’ was sent to the leader of the Whitechapel Vigilance Committee, and enclosed with it was half a human kidney. The killer claimed that he ate the other half and promised more activity if the police waited a little while longer. On the 9th of November they got their answer when a rent collector went to call on Mary Kelly to get her rent from her lodgings at 13 Millers Court. What he found instead was Mary’s emaciated corpse, the most violent killing yet. After this episode the killings ceased, but many names were brought up as to who the killer was. Was it a doctor, a butcher, a sailor, a lunatic in an asylum, and why did they stop - maybe Jack died after the killings? To this day we can only speculate as to who we think it was, but the only one who will ever know for sure is the man behind the knife himself... For information on Jack the Ripper visit www.casebook.org. For more details or to join me on Whitechapel’s Trail of Terror - Jack the Ripper tour, held every first Sunday of the month, email me at red_baron_1888@hotmail.co.uk

A guided tour through a night out and EP launch with the delightfully named Rosewest...

very once in a while you go to a gig that stays with you for weeks after and the Rosewest EP Launch Party was very much one of those gigs. Friday 7th November saw the launch of the Croydon based band’s new EP “Work The Bellows’, a night hosted by local promotion company Frantic Promotions and it had all the right ingredients for a stonking night out at the venue part of The Brief (which looks a great deal better after a lick of black paint – thanks Neil and Rick!) You know it’s going to be a good night when the bar staff are rushing around and it’s only 8 o’clock; there was an air of eager anticipation for the night ahead and the crowd prepared themselves fittingly with plenty of booze which was topped up during the gig with free Jagermeister shot giveaways before and during the headline band’s set. (nice one Imi!) First up were six piece band Baghera from Leeds (formerly Black Tie Brawl) who kicked things off with a belter of a set and despite not being “local” went

down well, especially as Croydon crowds can be hard to please at the best of times. It soon became apparent that there was little room in the venue to swing even a premature kitten and the crowd were waiting for headline support band Surrounded By Disgust to continue the party atmosphere and it’s fair to say the boys didn’t disappoint! SBD are busy working on their debut EP and when it’s out make sure you join the queue and grab a copy quick, these boys are going places in 2009. Making my way back to the bar to rehydrate it was obvious that there was a buzz of excitement for the headline band’s set, sweaty bodies kept bobbing back into the venue to see if the Rosewest boys were ready but like a good pint of Guinness you have to wait a little longer. Oh well, another Kronenberg then please! Then Ash, frontman for Rosewest ‘bellows’ down the mic calling the crowd into the venue - he doesn’t have to ask twice so we pile back in making it hard to squeeze even a postcard between us, a

sight not seen at The Brief for a while! As the stage goes black, the guys kick off with ‘It Tastes Horrid’ and the strobes and blinding lights pulsate with Ash’s roaring vocals and the band’s immense energy. Then they launch into ‘Two Sandwiches’ and the crowd go mentalist. After throwing out several Jager shots the boys play the EP title track ‘Work The Bellows” and it all just gets sweatier and louder. EP’s, T-Shirts and more Jager are fed to eager crowd members and still they hunger for more. Rosewest continue to serve up a generous helping of.tunes including ‘One Trick’, ‘Note To Self’, ‘Get Your Horse’, ‘Book of Cain’ and finish on a smoke filled finale of ‘Uncle Faceless’. As the evening draws to a close you know it was one of those gigs you’ll remember for a long time and all in a good way. You’ll certainly remember it in the morning, due to that faint ringing in your ears which you know means you had a mental night of musical mayhem the night before. Rosewest play The Brief on 5th December. www.myspace.com/rosewest

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy of Deep’s very own globe-trotting correspondant Geoff Lyons...

ry this down the pub: Stand with your feet about eighteen inches apart. Now. Pretend to unbutton your Levi's and then, in one fluid movement, slowly crouch down whilst 'lowering' them and your Calvin's down to just below your knees. (If you were in an Indian toilet you would now drop the kids off at the pool, then wash your bum WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND(!), whilst holding onto aforementioned strides and undies, making damn sure you got your aim right and also didn't topple over). Now return slowly to the standing position and button up. I call that 'Doing The Croucho Marx', and points will be given for artistic impression and content. The winner gets a Wet Wipe. When last I writ, I'd just parked my flatulant camel in a bit of desert near to Jaisalmer in Rajasthan, West India... Since then I've travelled slowly south, via various types - in both comfort and quality - of train, bus, taxi and rickshaw. But no more camels. First was Udaipur, where they filmed

most of 'Octopussy' the dire 007 movie, and they never tire of telling you either. The lake with palace in the middle is majestic and impressive to say the least, especially when you pedalo round it..( I got shooed away by the consierge - bloody snob!). Anyways, after that it was down to Kerala, via a few stops in Goa, and a weird place called Hampi. Imagine the

Make a coffin-sized box out of dark perspex and stick in a bit of carpet, some sliding doors and a curtain. Voila!! There's enough room, just, for you and your rucksack, just don't expect any shut-eye though, because your driver's obviously on a day release programme and wants to toot the horn whenever he gets close to the next vehicle, or play chicken with oncoming

“Don’t expect any shut-eye on the sleeper bus as the driver is on day-release and wants to toot the horn constantly for 12 hours...” Scottish Highlands where every single mountain is made out of thousands of boulders. Now add the sun-bleached ruins of the capital of one of the largest Hindu empires in Indian history. Jungle Book without the vines. The clock kinda stops ticking there. After 2 days of boulder-watching it was time to get an overnight Sleeper Bus to Bangalore. Your sleeping compartment is thus.

traffic. Which is a lot. Like the whole journey. Twelve hours. Smoke a joint and take a horse tranquiliser before you get in/on the bus - you laugh your arse off as you slide around your coffin trying to jam your arms and legs against the sides. It should be in the next Olympics or at least registered as the latest adrenalin sport. Goa and Kerala are lush, green,

pretty chilled and beautiful, and the cows are made of burnished leather with her-uuuge curly horns. The Portuguese influence is still very much there, from architecture through to food, and the local produce - cashew and coconut, rice and, of course, fish, feature heavily on the menu. Try Prawn Balchow if you ever see it on a curry house menu - it rocks !! I spent a coupla weeks loping round Goa, purely in the name of research,

week, to get another overnight train to Delhi. Takes about 17 hours, I hear. (Geoff is fine - for all those that were concerned - this was written on 21 November - Ed). On the 3rd December I fly to Perth, WA, to continue my journey. I'll have spent 2 and a half months in India, and covered roughly 5000 miles, maybe more, I'm not sure. I'm glad I came back 10 years later, and will be kinda sad to go, but also a

“The tropical silant backwaters of Kerala look stunning from both boat and dug-out - that was a very cool way to spend a Saturday...” you understand. What kind you ask? Well, what the girls are wearing on the beach this season, for a start - I'm doing it on your behalf, gents... The tropical, silent Backwaters (canals) of Kerala are also beautiful and look stunning from both boat and low wooden dug-out... That was a very cool way to spend a Saturday. I like life on the river. So, now I'm back in Goa (more bloody research...! ) and have to be in Mumbai aka Bombay, this time next

bit relieved. The Lonely Planet 2005 says this "...an assault on the senses... love it or hate it - and most seesaw between the two - India will jostle your entire being... the poverty is confronting... the crush of humanity turns the simplest task into an energysapping battle..." They're right on the money, obviously. India is not the premier travelling destination it was, because it seems South-East Asia and South America have taken over. To be honest, I've only said "Wow!" once since I've been here, and have met backpackers who came here to experience the place but

quit after a week or cut their journeys very short to "have more fun in Nepal, dude - sod this!". I expected to be challenged, have happy highs and very lonely lows and I've handled it, so there you go. That, as I knew from previous trips away, is what travelling's all about. I'm not moaning, just telling it like it is. By the time you read this I'll be somewhere in The Land Of Oz (no Scarecrow jokes, please..), and sorting out tents, barbeques and AC/DC cd's (at last I can play Black Ice 'til it melts!). My big, tall, huge mate Giles and I plan to hire a crappy cheapo car and he's going to drive us from Perth as far north as possible and back again, in a month. I'm the camp cook ("Oh, kapow, thweetie!", he pouted..), and it's tequila time, baby! With any luck two Swedish ladies will need a lift to the next town ... I lives in hope, I does. I've met some good people here in India, and also seen some things I wish I hadn't - the caste system in India is the dumbest, most blinkered, archaic and non-p.c thing you could imagine... It's also bloody cruel. But this is the second most populated continent in the world. Sharpen your elbows, push hard and turn a (hopefully not) blind eye. That's never gonna change, but that's life. Anyways I digress. So, 'til next month, Messy Christmas dudes 'n' dudettes. Hope Sanity Claus brings you what you want and whatever y'do, stop Mr.Frosty nipping at your plums ‘cos it'll only make you walk funny and then people will talkski... Love, peace and rock'n'roll (and facebook me up!) Adeos, Geoff x

Mystic Mike returns - there seems to be no way to stop him - with some vaguely festive star signs... Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 Do you not find it a bit odd when you see, perhaps on a bus or at a tram stop, ugly people (usually women) preening themselves in front of compact mirrors? I always find it mildly tempting to approach them and ask if what they’re doing is really worth it, whether just a slight variation on their ugliness serves any real purpose? Next time you see someone ugly (trust me Croydon is abundant) but brave enough to still look at themselves and think that what they have is reparable, it would be kind if you make a point of telling them not to bother. Another thing is the people who are still making themselves up or doing part of their daily routine on the train in the morning. You see people eating breakfast, having coffee, doing their tie up, I even saw someone brushing his teeth the other day. What is it with these people? What reason could they possibly have to think that it is normal for strangers to have to witness their personal morning tasks? Are they really that disorganised that they didn’t have time to do these things before leaving the house? It wouldn’t surprise me if one day I saw someone in their full pyjamas changing on the train. Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 I was walking along the path the other day, you know the one, by the butchers, when suddenly I was accosted by a couple of pigeons. I always thought Pigeons were quite a polite breed of Dog but these two were somewhat surly in their manner and I should also add, distinctly shabbily dressed. Anyway, the first pigeon, who was called Pigeon, launched into quite a cheap tirade about how I’d left some maltesers on a bench in Islington that were slightly soft. Now I remembered the time in question and indeed the corner shop (run by a friend of mine called Basil) that sold me said item. Pigeon number two at this stage was taking more of a physically intimidating posture, stroking his chestical plumage. Anyway, to cut what could develop into quite a longish story shortish, I then became Bobby Ewing. Aries Christmas?

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 As you can probably imagine, when you’re as likable, popular and blessed as I, Christmas is merely a time for basking in this revered status whilst others less fortunate cry and wail for presents, fortune or anything to take them away or out of their poverty-stricken Croydon lives. With this in mind I thought you might like to view my filling in the gaps Christmas list. • Wine vouchers (people can’t be trusted to find suitable quality wine) • Books (education is food for the mind, you’re metaphorically starving) • A globe (to see how far my wisdom travels) Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 Apparently the most used reason for kids not doing their home-work these days is computer malfunction. Basically couldn’t be done because the Home PC packed up. This got me thinking about what excuses I could make for not bothering to do the star signs on time because sometimes it’s just a bit of a chore y’know? Anyway, I tried one out on the Editor the other day and for some reason she didn’t buy it. I pretty much said that I’d written the star signs on the computer but they wouldn’t send. Of course she asked me if I’d got the IT people out, read the manual blah blah, which I hadn’t so I just fobbed her off with some story about how they were busy. She demanded that I send what I had so after a bit of heavy lifting and quite an expensive postal charge, I sent them. I’d actually written them on the computer, on the monitor, literally. Silly sausage. Pisces

Feb 20-Mar 20

Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 You may remember that last month I asked the following question: How do people with severe cases of amnesia remember to attend appointments about their amnesia? Is there a group of amnesiacs all milling around outside hospitals, asking each other if they have any idea why they came there only to be stared at, blankly? Well I can now exclusively reveal the answer because I went down the hospital in the Isle of Sheppey to find out. I spoke to one of the guys milling and he told me that, hang on a minute, what did he tell me? He told me something but I can’t quite remember what it was. You don’t think I’ve caught it do you? Can you catch amnesia if you come into contact with an amnesiacist? I’ve completely forgotten everything. Why am I writing this again? (Ed; We interrupt this star sign to provide an update on the condition of Mystic Mike, last heard wondering why. He has been taken to the nearest hospital where his condition is described as “unstable”). Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 I had a brilliant idea a while ago that I could put in the star signs and carry on as a theme for about a year but now I come to write them I’ve forgotten what it actually was so what I’m going to do is keep writing this one until I remember what it was if that’s ok with you? Right, great, just so you know I still haven’t remembered what it was and I’m starting to wonder if I ever will. This could mean that quite a few months go past in 2009 with just this one continuous stream of nonsense, as opposed to the normal, on the money astrological insight you’re used to. I think what I might do is make a quick phone call to someone who might know. Hold on.

Mar 21-Apr 20

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Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 And now, with a festive edition of your favourite comedy sketch show… Hank: Good old Christmas is coming soon Frank. Frank: What Christmas? Hank: The usual one. Frank: The same one as Last Christmas? Hank: Last Christmas I gave you my heart. Frank: No you didn’t, you gave me a stethoscope. Hank: The song Frank, by Wham? Frank: Wham never did a song about a stethoscope Hank. Hank: Yes, I know that, brain of Britain. Frank: I’m not brain of Britain Hank. Hank: Don’t I know it. Frank: Well apparently not Hank because you just called me brain of Britain. Hank: Indeed I did. Now please let’s not discuss this further. Frank: Ok Hank, look (Frank pulls out a bottle of Gloy), my lips are sealed. Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Egg and soldiers, Egg and soldiers, In my tummy, in my tummy, Runny, runny, Runny, runny, Egg and soldiers, Egg and soldiers.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21 In the interests of health and safety, it is advised that those who suffer from asthma, any congenital heart condition or rickets do not read this star sign. This star sign will include actual astrological information and the shock of reading it in this place here that you might normally expect to find utter gobshite may cause serious medical harm. You have been warned. As the round planet type thing orbits in the air or something, this will cause the alignment of something like a star to be a bit skewiff. This will mean that your month will be affected in a bad way if you are a Scorpion, no, a Taurus person, sorry, my telescope was misted up. You are governed by the ruling planet of Pluto. Which reminds me, I was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse the other day, excellent it is. Pluto and Goofy were dancing and playing around with Tootles who is this magic thing that brings them and Mickey and everyone things that they need at certain times to solve problems or mysteries. Which reminds me, did you see My Friends Tigger and Pooh last week, this mystery is history and all that? Bloody brilliant it was. As Morrissey once sang: “You know I couldn’t last.”

Taurus Apr 21-May 20 Here are the results of the craft show. In the cake competition, the winner was lemon cake, closely followed by coffee cake. The winner of the preserves savoury category was apple and tomato chutney. Well done to them both. In the sweet category, in reverse order, raspberry, blackcurrant and plum. Moving on to the painting water colour, a close contest this one but the winner I am pleased to announce was Three horses on road, an imaginative title that one. Many people’s favourite, the miscellaneous category sees two prizes awarded, firstly a commendation for the killer whale with the first prize and marvellous rosette going to the stained glass dalek, obviously.