Deep-London February 09 by angela ferrara

deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • http://sk.im Ding Dong... ...and welcome to issue 68. Blimey charlie, January, eh - that was a hell of a month wasn’t it? No? Must’ve just been me then - it was in fact possibly the worst month of my life whilst also being probably the jammiest and also rather nice and yet a tad frustrating, all in various turns. God is in the detail, and he can keep ‘em as I’m saying nothing - those who know me most likely know all about it, and those that don’t, well, you really don’t need to. Now that’s enigmatic - that’s textbook enigmatic that is, oh yes. But enough of that, and on to this issue. It’s 8am on the day before we go to print and my internet connection and e-mail and everything has gone down in flames quite spectacularly so Christ knows what we’re going to put in the mag this month. I look forward to finding out with a lively anticipation. Hmm, given the absence of technology, and therefore access to download the cover picture (can I just say, in a ‘Carry On’ fashion: Aiden Turner - phwoar, crikey...), the listings and a lot more besides there’s not a great deal more I can do at the moment, after writing this bit, so just talk amongst yourselves. Dum de dum... Ok, I suppose really, seeing as though it’s February, we should mention something about Valentine’s Day. It’s on the 14th. There you go, job done. Actually I’m not as down on it as usual this year and am in fact quite looking forward to it because, as opposed to hiding under the duvet until it all goes away please, a load of us who are flying solo have decided to ruin it for the rest of you smug bastards by getting together and taking over a restaurant in the centre of town, hopefully drinking them out of house and home and generally annoying any couples who happen to be in the vicinity. Serves you right, and I’m not telling you which restaurant either, so there. Not that I’m bitter - LOL - which I’m told by someone substantially younger than me is the relevant terminology. 2pm - still no internet... So, anyway, how are your new year’s resolutions going? Oh wow, that’s great / Oh dear, that’s a shame, at least you gave it a go / No, me neither / You did WHAT!?! (delete as appropriate). I myself didn’t bother with any resolutions this year, which turned out to be quite handy given the stressful ghastliness, but I have nothing but the utmost admiration for all the ex-smokers, clean and sober livers, new gym members, hamster-molesting refrainers and anyone else who’s given up enjoying themselves for the new year - kudos to all of you! Hold up, stop everything, it’s 5pm and my mac’s just gone ‘ding’ - it does that when there’s stuff... Oh yes, we’re back online baby, and I can now crack on with it - wahey! Better stick that bottle of wine back in the fridge then - boo! Every silver lining has a cloud... On which note, that’s about it from me for this bit - only the rest of the mag left to write - easy innit - and strangely, as these things go, it now looks like it might be panning out to be an alright one this month, if a tad slimmer than usual. I shall have some words with my hub thingummyjig for being temporally vexatious and wasting many, many hours of my time by being an arse, then conclude my stomp around Deep Villas in a big old sulk, then get on and write the rest of this cra... marvellous stuff. And then I might go down the pub. I know you like to be kept informed of my movements, presumably so you can go elsewhere... Anyway, ta ta for now, stay safe, have a good Valentine’s day - but not that good (remember kids - disease!) and until next month; feel the love, avanti and indeed allons-y! Your Jammy Bonsai Editor Angela xx 1

Feb 2009 Issue Sixty Eight Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff & contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, nick booth, geoff lyons, amanda cook, advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk publishing & graphic design: deep-london web design: neil williams, info@nojwilliams.net web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net thanks to: jean, tony, marie, jamie; two croydon coppers; one croydon bus driver; nick, other nick, rob, john, dean at the rsc, james, sam, wendy, ferg, mat, dawn, stewart, kenny.

happy birthday: marie, bob, barry, graham, jo, juan, dave, kamilla, ricky, linda, andy, wendy, patrick, anthony r.i.p: tony hart

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely free!

Last date for inclusion in March issue -

23 February

FEBRUARY 2009 THIS MONTHS FEATURES:

Being Human

Whitechapel

Midsummer Night’s Dream

Testing 123

Auntie May

Speed-Dating

Lazy Boy

Wrong Way Round

Can You Help?

Stars

LISTINGS:

8 3

What’s On Guide

Pubs, Clubs, Bars

Restaurants

Cabs / Hotels

Music

Cinema / Theatre

Adult

Human Nature...

So there’s this vampire, a werewolf and a ghost, and they walk into the pub...

f you didn’t manage to catch the first episode of comedy drama ‘Being Human’ on BBC3 last Sunday then we reckon you missed something of a treat. Written by Toby Whithouse (Torchwood, Doctor Who) as a six part series after his hugely popular pilot episode last year, the show follows the lives of three house sharing twentysomethings and their secret double-lives as a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf, and it’s really rather good. Deep caught up with this month’s cover star, the easy on the eye and velvety of voice Irishman Aidan Turner, who plays cool and laid back vampire Mitchell, along with fellow supernatural beings Lenora Crichlow (Sugar Rush, Doctor Who, Kiss Of Death) who plays Annie, the insecure and desperately lonely ghost and Russell Tovey (Little Dorrit, Doctor Who, The History Boys) who plays neurotic werewolf George, and asked all of them: Er, the what now?!? Aidan: "From the first episode it really works. It's a great premise, it's all in the title really - it's very realistic situations and deals with tons of real issues. It's dark and witty - Toby is a fantastic writer." Lenora: "It was pitched to me by my agent and I thought 'that's a bit out there!' I thought it was really funny and it was a script with heart. It's really quirky and light in some places, but it's got quite a dark undertone. It's just a really fresh take on dealing with life." Russell: "There's so many layers to it - it's not just about a vampire, werewolf and ghost - it's about three people struggling with life and trying to cope, which everybody can relate to. I would describe it as a kind of This Life/Cold Feet/Buffy. With Toby's writing you're completely like 'wow, where did that come from?!' Everything is just brilliant; when it comes down to one-liners, or a situation and everything is just offcentre and quirky and suits the piece." Aidan: "When tackling a

supernatural subject I sometimes find it difficult to invest in the characters because they don't really exist - but there's so much heart to this story, so much reality to it, it's easy to relate to the characters. "Certainly George, Annie and Mitchell because they are three normal guys, which is evident from the first episode. They're not flying around putting spells on people - they work in the hospital, live in a flat together, watch TV and go to clubs. I hope that people watching think, 'I'd like them to be my friend.' I think that's important." The series follows the trio as they do their best to live their lives as normally

maturity he has a certain kind of responsibility and a worldly experience that not all people have. He's not bothered by a lot of things - that side of him I aspire to be like. "He's also like a father figure in some ways. I certainly think he's a father figure to Annie. He's the more mature person in the three-way relationship. Mitchell is the one where if something goes wrong, the others talk to him. I think he's just a cool guy." In stark contrast to which is George the werewolf, neurotic, jumpy, unable to talk to women without ‘weeping or setting fire to yourself’ and desperate to be normal;

“George, Annie and Mitchell are normal guys. They’re not flying around putting spells on people...” as possible despite their strange and dark secrets. But with unwelcome intruders into their world, rumblings about an impending revolution from the vampire underworld and constant threats of exposure - on top of the usual issues faced by everyone surrounding love, work and mates - the only thing they can really rely on is each other. For Aidan, the fact that Mitchell is a vampire was a big attraction to the role. "Everyone wants to play a vampire it's something I've always wanted to play! It's just one of those parts. Everyone has a dark side that they don't expose too often - but when they do, you know about it.I look a bit like a vampire, I think someone might have said that to me before. Also when you research into vampires there are all these cults around the world that are influenced by them one way or another, so that was a really interesting aspect to discover. "Mitchell is 118 years old and to play someone like that is brilliant. With his 4

Russelll: "He's a screwed up fellow but he's also got a heart of gold, he's a sweetheart and he doesn't want to hurt anyone. I think people will find him a bit odd but he's a very endearing, loveable guy. "He just wants to be normal, and I suppose a lot of people in life struggle with this if they're somehow different. They just want to be the norm but the point is, what is the norm? "He loves Mitchell to pieces – but he has a problem with him in the fact that Mitchell seems to be sorted and cool and calm and collected, whereas George is this neurotic Jewish, slightly camp at times, guy! They have a kind of odd couple relationship. "It's complete sods law to George, moving into a house to be normal and then there's a ghost there! So I think for George his relationship towards Annie is slight resentment and a slight annoyance. He's always battling against her being around because it doesn't fit his quota of what he wants to be the norm."

And while Aidan gets to be all cool and saucy, and Lenora is always in the clothes her character died in, Tovey appears to have drawn the short straw in having to be transformed into a howling beast on a regular basis - a multi-stage process involving Russell getting his kit off on camera, a seven foot animatronics werewolf, two prosthetic heads and a prosthetic torso. Russell: "It starts off with me, then me with fake teeth and contact lenses, then I've got hair laid on to make my face look hairier. The next stage is me with a prosthetic neck, then there's two different prosthetic heads and a prosthetic torso. It's mad, when we were watching a playback of it I thought 'is that me? Oh no that's the head!' because it looks incredibly real! "I'm naked a lot so you're running through the woods and there's a 20 strong crew watching you and it's cold! I'm playing a Jew in this but I'm not Jewish so I don't think they'll ever be showing any full frontal shots – I'm not that method! "Once you've been filmed naked once you become normal with it. I filmed one scene and they gave me the option to film it with my clothes on and I just said 'Let's do it with the clothes off, eh?'" Completing the flat-share trio is Annie, played by Lenora Crichlow, a

talkative ghost lacking in self-confidence and desperate for company. Annie is still pining after her fiancé, whom she was due to marry before the fatal accident that left her with her ghostly affliction – and who happens to be the landlord of their flat. Lenora: "Annie's very unsure when we first meet her. She's confined by routine and other people's approval, and she's quite insecure and vulnerable, and a little bit needy because she's at the whim of so many things outside of herself. "But slowly as the story unfolds she has to start to toughen up and prove herself. It's a really nice journey and one I think a lot of women will relate to. “All the characters' unusual qualities are grounded in real stuff - addiction, self-esteem, anger, love – all of them are dealing with being human just on a really extreme scale. “Mitchell is the father figure or older brother of the house, he's kind of in charge and Annie looks to him to make sure everything's ok. He gives her a lot of reassurance and she feels safe in his presence. He's so old, he's been there, done it all, he seems to be a bit more knowing. He's there for Annie, he's her rock. "Annie's relationship with George starts off a bit tetchy – if there was a family dynamic they would be brother

and sister. There's some bickering at first and they're sussing each other out. Then I think there's a pivotal scene where they are there for each other and put their differences aside – they find a common ground and can just relate to each other. They need each other now because no one else really gets it or understands." Off camera though, it appears there were no such problems getting on; Aidian: "It's been brilliant working with Russell and Lenora, it's been an absolute joy. We got to a stage very quickly where we couldn't do a scene without bursting out laughing in the rehearsal! That's a good point to be at, we were really comfortable with each other straight away. I think everyone is perfectly cast – Jason who plays Herrick, Annabel who's Lauren, Dylan who plays Seth – everyone, it's all spot on." Lenora: "They're wicked! I couldn't ask for two better guys to be working with. We spend time together off set and on set – they're both brilliant and I love watching their work. I think we really have a lovely chemistry – I'm going to stop gushing now!" Being Human BBC3 Sundays 9pm (rptd Mondays 10.30pm). Missed the first one? Catch it again on bbc i-player www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer

White Heat It’s the East End of London, 120 years after Jack The Ripper and, as they say in Taggart, ‘There’s been a murrrder...’

“

I am down on whores and I shan’t quit ripping them till I do get buckled..." It’s stange how things work out sometimes isn’t it? For example, friend of the mag John ‘Creepy’ Chambers starts doing dead cheap but marvellous, dramatic and theatrical Jack The Ripper Tours around the streets of Whitechapel, scene of the grisly murders and three weeks later a major new drama pops up about that very thing, called simply ‘Whitechapel’. Serendipity it is, and it happens to us quite a lot. A nice sit down and a chat to stars of the new three part series, Rupert Penry-Jones and Steve Pemberton might be in order. Here we go then.

doesn’t know how to fix everything. He doesn’t kill the bad guy and save London like Adam in Spooks, he’s a bit less of an action man and a bit more cerebral. He doesn’t really like the sight of blood. Chandler is the total opposite to Adam in that way; he finds the whole thing quite scary. It was actually really nice to play someone who was not an action man for a change. He is a slightly obsessive, compulsive, asexual guy. You get no insight into his personal life at all. It is all work with him. “Whitechapel starts with him being given his first murder case which all concerned think is going to be a simple domestic. But of course it turns out to be a serial killer. So he ends up on this

“When we were filming these big scenes we’d see the actual Ripper tours walking past the sights. It was quite surreal...” Set against the contrasting facades of Whitechapel, London, a series of bloody, tragic and impossible crimes suggest someone is carrying out copycat Jack the Ripper murders 120 years after the killer first struck. In a city under the constant surveillance of CCTV and safe in the knowledge that DNA evidence helps catch even the most dangerous criminal, this modern day Ripper still manages to recreate the slaughter with alarming accuracy while mirroring the red herrings and twisted idiosyncrasies connected to the original case. The murders are investigated by three unlikely heroes: Joseph Chandler (PenryJones), a fast-tracked, media savvy DI on his first big murder case; Ray Miles (Phil Davis) and Edward Buchan (Steve Pemberton), the expert on myths and legends behind unexplained or violent deaths: an eccentrically brilliant Ripperologist. Rupert Penry-Jones is quick to point out that DI Chandler, his character in Whitechapel, is no hero. “He doesn’t have all the answers. He

investigation having to muck in a lot more than he expected and realises he enjoys policing rather more than just sitting behind a desk. “The first thing that hit me was the script - a real page turner. I was totally gripped by this modern telling of the Jack the Ripper story. And I loved the relationship between Chandler and Miles. Even more so as Phil is an old friend from when we made North Square together, so that was an added bonus.” What wasn’t a bonus, however, was that Penry-Jones knew nothing about Jack The Ripper coming into the project; “To be honest I didn’t even realise he hadn’t been caught! I thought they caught the suspect in top hat and tails. I never realised that there was this huge conspiracy story going around. “I found the research very interesting. I didn’t realise how gruesome it all was though. They really were the most awful murders. He did terrible things to those women, even eating bits of their bodies. He was the original serial killer.” 8

Many of Whitechapel’s pivotal scenes were filmed at night. Rupert recalls: “You can’t get very close to many of the original murder scenes but what was strange was while we were filming these big scenes we would see the actual Ripper tours walking past the sights. It was a bit surreal.” “The night shoots were extremely gruelling on everybody. All the London boroughs have different curfews so we would only be allowed to film up to a certain time – some would be 10pm, some midnight and so on. It meant you couldn’t get a good run at the night shoots and we were always having to change our hours.” But perhaps the toughest part of the role for Rupert was remembering the dialogue littered with names and dates and locations… “When I was discussing all the victims I had the art department put up a big storyboard behind me. I used it as a prop to emphasise my speech but also as a prompt for remembering the names of the women who were killed. I had it all up there behind me to reference if I got lost. “I find all that line learning rather tiresome but lines are easy to learn if the dialogue is good. And this was compelling.” MEanwhile, someone who has no problem with the names and dates (as well as our very own Creepy) is Ripperologist and bona fide expert Edward Buchan, played by the League of Gentlemen’s Steve Pemberton; "People like Buchan, who are wilfully eccentric, can be hard to portray on screen, His language is very fruity and heightened so, alongside the director, I was really looking for ways of bringing that down and puncturing that. I didn't want him to be dislikeable or overbearing so we worked hard to find his particular journey through the three episodes. I was very conscious that I didn't want him to stand out like a character from a sketch show mixing with these characters from a dark drama.

Hopefully we all inhabit the same world in the end. "There is real progression for this character. He does get close to Chandler, in fact Chandler lets him into the investigation too much and it backfires on him. "Ripperologist is a word I had never heard before I did this job. Then I realised there is still a thriving industry in Ripper books, tours and memorabilia, so when Buchan sees the location and the timing of the first murder he immediately has an inclination that this could be a copycat killing - it is exactly the day and place where Jack the Ripper's first murder occurred. "I think Buchan would be a quite a big fish in a small pond within the world of Ripperology. Almost world-renowned. So when he presents himself to the police he really thinks they need him. As the story progresses he actually becomes involved in a real life investigation as opposed to an academic one. "But we see him crack a bit as he becomes heavily involved. I think if you study something that happened 120 years ago it is very different to suddenly being confronted by the reality of these gruesome murders. "I think he was fairly cocky when he

started liaising with police but when Buchan sees photographs of the victims who have recently been killed he starts to realise that perhaps some of his actions may have contributed to the modern murders." Steve admits that his knowledge of the multitudinous Ripper theories comes from old movies. "I'd never read up on the subject but there is a film starring Michael Caine called Inspector Abberline that I used to watch with my friends from The League of Gentlemen. It's one of those films that's so bad it is good. Every ounce of knowledge I have is from fictionalised accounts. Luckily I had on my shelf a pocket guide to Jack the Ripper which someone had given me as I didn't have much time to gen up before I got the role and started filming. "A lovely touch was being given Buchan's own Ripper book at the end of filming. My picture was on the flyleaf." One of the most useful pieces of research for Steve was taking part in an organised Ripper tour, (unfortunately not run by Creepy); "Our Ripperologist told me it was a very competitive world and as such many friendships are made and lost. There are constant accusations and

counter accusations being made about stealing research and so on. He was fascinating but very respectful that this was an investigation of crime and not a sensationalist account. He did just enough storytelling but I think Buchan is far more theatrical; he does love the drama of it." Steve found filming in the East End at all times of the day and night incredibly atmospheric. He says: "You have the authentic Victorian architecture, gas lamps and cobbled streets then as you look around you see you are surrounded by these high rise buildings and neon lights. It is a great juxtaposition of then and now. "When you look down some of these shadowy, damp and dingy alleys, that look as though they haven't changed since Jack the Ripper's day, you can start to understand just how these murders took place outside in the capital city of London. And you start to get a picture of what it must have been like." Whitechapel starts on ITV1 in early February. See the whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on pages for dates of Creepyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ripper Tours.

An enchanting evening at the theatre with The Royal Shakespeare Company and writer Johnny Argument...

ight in the middle of this punishing winter, the RSC’s Midsummer Night’s Dream arrives in London from Stratford - and much needed it is, too! Gregory Doran’s energetic yet enchanting production enthralls from the moment Egeus barges in on King Theseus demanding the king force his (Egeus’s) daughter, Hermia (a spirited performance from Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps’ Kathryn Drysdale), to marry someone with

here played by a small puppet (whose penis drew unintentional laughter from the front rows). Oberon employs Puck (played as a humorous, horny little devil by Mark Hadfield) to work magic on his behalf, and before long Titania is in love with a man with an ass-head and thus the plot thickens… Meanwhile, the famous Rude Mechanicals, all dressed for some kind of cyberpunk dystopia and led in a show-stealing comic performance by Joe Dixon as obese, Brummie-

The RSC’s Dream will transform a dowdy January evening into one of love, magic and fairies. whom she is not in love, Demetrius (briskly played as a sort of Young Conservative drone by the promising Edward Bennett). She prefers Lysander (Tom Davey), who is amusingly played as a hippy stoner. Before long, they are all off in the forest, which is seething with fairies and moonlit magic. Oberon and Titania (strong and sensual performances from Peter De Jersey and Andrea Harris), king and queen of said fairies are having a falling out over possession of Titania’s page boy,

accented Bottom, rehearse their playwithin-the-play, The Tragedy of Pyramus and Thisbe. Francis O’Connor’s ingenious design and Tim Mitchell’s atmospheric lighting sets all this off enchantingly, with mirrors, mist, moonlit clouds and a forest of fairy lights. What with Bottom having his head turned into an ass and magic potions and hallucinogenic evenings in arcadian forests, you have to think – was Shakespeare fond of getting off his face in the countryside? This

prince of poets certainly could write about altered states of love and nature like no other. Paul Englishby’s music perfectly complimented the play. Beautiful, playful and other-worldly, the RSC could do worse than put it out on CD - I’d buy it. Apart from the minor niggles of having the King dressed as a fascist dictator (some RSC ideas are becoming a little shopworn and repetitive) and the final Pyramus and Thisbe sequence needing some cutting to prevent audience exhaustion, the whole production is performed Shakespeare at its best. If you fancy some respite leave from weather-lashed, credit-crunched Britain, the RSC’s Dream will transform a dowdy January evening into one of love, magic - and fairies. As Puck advises at the end of the play, ‘trip away’! A Midsummer Night’s Dream plays at The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, until 7 February Tickets priced from £5 - £40 To book visit www.rsc.org.uk or call 0844 482 5135

Testing It... It’s that time again, the annual musical bun-fight that is Testing 123 at The Clocktower. Let’s have a look at the runners and riders... Singer / Songwriters: Jon Hart Music: Having battled with obstacles both musical and personal, Jon’s music has taken a daring and individual twist since moving to the mainland from the Isle Of Wight. He has a degree in music and describes his music as funky, individual music and heartfelt honest stories. www.jonhartmusic.com General Paulus: General Paulus is Croydon circuit regular Gregg Kelly (vocalist and guitarist) who’s joined by Joe Flynn (bass / guitar) and Craig Foster (drums) and whose group style has been compared to The Stooges, Nirvana, Late Of The Pier, The Kills, Captain Beefheart and PJ Harvey. Blimey. www.myspace.com/generalpaulus Peter Walsh: Peter competed in last years ‘Testing 123’ and in the spirit of ‘If at first you don’t succeed, go back for more punishment’ he’s back again, definitely older but probably not much wiser. Peter started his musical career playing in various bands in his native Yorkshire and during this time he enjoyed the collaborative process of writing songs. He has always enjoyed singing an eclectic range of styles, from soul and funk numbers to the timeless classics made famous by Sinatra and the legends of early jazz. In late 2006 his skarab attention reverted to song writing. Testing 123 was the first time Peter had sung his own songs in public for 13 years. The feedback given was encouraging and he’s spent the last year refining. Peter has settled on a folky/ambient/poppy - God knows what really - style of music, but is having a lot of fun and hopes to show the judges what

progress he’s made. www.myspace.com/peterwalshsongs De’Borah: De’Borah is another returning entrant who believes singing and songwriting is her gift, along with playing the guitar. She enjoys sharing the comfort she finds in music because ‘it’s so moving and so powerful’ De’Borah started with music at age 11 and has written many songs and is currently studying at the Brit School. She says her influences are Sting, John Mayer and Joni Mitchell. She wasn't to inspire people with songs of love hop and truth through indie, folk and soulful vibes. Zara Kershaw: Sixteen year old Zara grew up in Manchester and started rebelling against what the charts made her listen to as soon as she could. She’s interested in the legends of music like Sinatra, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, although recent artists like Christina Aguilera play a part in creating a crossover of old and new influences which play a part in her unique ‘soulful and jazzy with a pop edge’ sound. Zara finds basic keyboard skills help her when writing music and she ‘truly believes anything is possible, and that we can all achieve our own desire if our mind is set to it’. You go girl.

STIX: Stix learnt piano at primary school, appeared in many concerts singing solo and with a choir, and wrote his first composition while still there. He took GCSE music two years early and got an A* for the song ‘Stormbreaker’ inspired by the Alex Rider books by Anthony Horowitz. He now spends most of his spare time composing not just songs but orchestral pieces too and performs whenever he can. He sings solo or with others and composes in several different styles, with his favourite being the power ballad! He also enjoys taking songs and arranging them in his own style. This year he’s taken part in ‘Live and Unsigned’ in Croydon and played to 1000 people in Japan. He’s been told he will ‘go far’. We shall see, and from his picture (not shown) he looks about 12, so good luck! Hip Hop / R’n’B: Yookay: Are a 6 piece hip hop band who’ve been together 6 years. With Mark on rapping duties, Ben and Russell creating beats ‘Lax Lacky’ on phat bass, Dave on keys and Titch on Trumpet they create lyrical tunes with an irresistable head-nodding tempo. Big In Da Game: Are another a six piece band made up of

peter walsh 14

Lucky, Humuh, Hassin, Nathan, Christian and Jermain who formed at Croydon College and have since played many shows at the college at at the Herne Hill Half Moon. They describe their music as Hip Hop and RnB, but they also do funky house and garage. G. Rosa: Italian born G.Rosa is a hopeful pop rnb singer who after performing in several bands as well as dancing and acting, is now pursuing a solo career. Her influences include Rihanna, Beyonce, Whitney, Duffy, Wino and Leona Lewis, although she listens to lots of different genres. She describes herself as a fighter and has a powerful yet smooth voice which she hopes will allow here to make her musical dreams a reality. FlowVocal: Are Dale L. Prime aka Maveriq and Dane R. Cole aka Mysterious Ace who met at Croydon College. Former members of an RnB collective, the two now go it alone with Ace provides the hard hitting, metaphor induced flow while Maveriq contributes with his soft, soulful, melodious vocals The King of Dance: Is a a young man with a lot going on, he’s made an album called Dance Kings, has two tracks released for download, has written, directed, produced and starred in some low budget horror and sci-fi feature films which are available for download from a website called www.lulu.com (type in King Of Dance to locate these films on the website), he’ written a book calledDEADLANDS:TALES TO TERRIFY THE SOUL (a collection of short horror stories) also available on www.lulu.com and he’s entered the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT competition, passed the producer's audition stage and is now through to the theatre 'buzzer' stage.He’s due to appear in front of the 3 judges at the alexandria theatre in birmingham at the end of the month. Not sure what he’s going to do on the black krash

night then... The Trio: Who we don;t seem to have any info on. Enigmatic... Bands: In The Long Run: In The Long Run were formed in 2008 and consist of Diego Albano (vocals and guitar), Matt Smith (bass), Tome Eales (lead guitar) and Dan Spry (drums). Created from the debris of a former band, they describe their music as punk pop beats with chunky guitar riffs creating a sound not so common on the British music scene. After a first gig at The Brief, In The Long Run have since supported Goldilocks and Lethal Bizzle, and have an EP out called ‘These Years’ released in September. From months of writing and performing they’ve got a host of songs boasting all the elements of punk/pop rock, and we look forward to seeing what they’ll do with this years mandatory cover tune. Good luck lads. Sugar Stone Feat. Jaz Ellington: Sugar Stone is a collective of singers and musicians whose passion is music, bringing songs alive through pulsating beats and honey sweet harmonies. They’ve played the Jazz Cafe and the Croydon Summer Festival and continue to grow in numbers but whatever the size of the band, the sound is big. Jaz Ellington is an alto/tenor soul singer and songwriter whose influences include Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Luther Vandross and more and as well as singing with Sugar Stone, is pursuing a solo career. Testing Flaws: Testing flaws, aka Chris French, Ellias Ghazouani and Chris Dixon met 20 years ago in primary school and after various outings in various bands got together a couple of years ago. Their music is described as ‘most certainly of a rock variety’ with influences from Led Zeppelin to Muse, Audioslave to Jeff Buckley with a few covers of Destiny’s testing flaws

Child and Ray Charles thrown in just for the hell of it. Black Krash: Are yet another 6 piece outfit (Scarlett lead vocals, Ruby - vocals and guitar, Anthony - keyboard, Kriss - guitar, Chipo - bass and Sam on drums) formed out of Croydon College. They began as rock but as ideas progressed they have now evolved into metal, and Testing 123 wouldn’t be the same without a good old metal band, so hurrah for that! www.myspace.com/blackkrash Skarab: Skarab is a dub fusion band from Croydon, formed in September 2008 at a table on the ground floor of the Green Dragon pub. A diverse mix of influences and characters now combine to create a completely unique and evolving sound in the band, with members often swapping instruments and places within the group, and the band learning multiple versions of the same songs in different styles. Periodic guest appearances from saxophonists, percussionists and rappers help to keep things fresh. Since that fortuitous meeting in the pub the band had been practising every week, building up a repertoire of music for gig work in the new year. The future is bright for Skarab, with Summer festival appearances in Europe lined up and new material being worked on every week. Testing 123 Singer/Songwriter heat 17th Feb Hip Hop heat 18th Feb Band heat 19th Feb Grand Final 20th Feb All at The Croydon Cloctower - for more details visit the box office.

Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Beanos Records • Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Eagle • Fairfield Halls • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Pool Bar • Milan Bar • Mojama • Natterjacks (St George’s Walk) • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Strictly UK (Tramms) • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Walkabout • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROYDON: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse • Cricketers

WEST CROYDON: • Bird in Hand • Bodyworks Whitehorse Rd • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROYDON: • Bodega • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Unwins (Swan & Sugarloaf) • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) • Elliott’s • Jolly Farmers

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What’s on? 19 full weekly and daily guide

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PURLEY WAY: • Gipsy Moth • Premier Travel Inn Hotel • Green’s Gym

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Restaurants

Cabs / Hotels / Music

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Adult

All our information was correct at the time of going to press, but as the only certainty in life is change, we suggest you check before heading out. The opinions and reviews which follow are those of the Editor and staff - if you have an issue to raise about them, please ring us, rather than the venue.

SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn

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FORESTDALE: • Forestdale Arms • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant SELHURST: • Clifton Arms • Pepperton UK • Selhurst Arms • Two Brewers THORNTON HEATH: • The Lord Napier WOODSIDE GREEN: • Beehive

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what’s on Book Now For: • Comedy: Totally Looped TOTALLY LOOPED is a hilarious filmthemed show featuring Britain's top comedians. After taking Hollywood by storm, TOTALLY LOOPED comes to the UK for the first time. Sparked by audience suggestion, our comedians dub improvised dialogue over ever-changing film clips, as well as playing a range of film-themed comedy games. So join the cream of Britain's improv talent for a night at the movies. Only, not quite as you remember them! ‘The only thing more fun than performing in Totally Looped is watching Totally Looped and laughing myself silly!' --Dan Castellaneta (The Voice of Homer Simpson) Looping in the UK will be: Phill Jupitus, Marcus Brigstock, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Hattie Hayridge, Joe Liss, Toby Hadoke, Pippa Evans, The Penny Dreadfuls, Natalie Haverstock, Tom Wateracre. The show will run 2 Feb - 15 March at 22 top-flight venues throughout the UK. For dates and places visit www.totallylooped.co.uk • Theatre: Frankenstein EXIT THEATRE CO-OP Proudly presents FRANKENSTEIN 1930. Adapted from Mary Shelley’s book by Fred Carmichael at the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre 39 High Street, Carshalton SM5 3BB Thurs.12th, Fri.13th & Sat.14th February 2009 7.45pm + Matinee Sat.14th at 2pm. BOX OFFICE TEL: 020 8770 6990 Tickets £9.50/£7 concs.

Every Day: • Theatre: Yound Dick Barton Until Sunday 22nd February - NOT MONDAYS. This new episode takes Dick back to his early days travelling from stiff upper lip 1930s Britain to Australia via Arabia trying to unravel the decipher and foil another evil plot. A legendary tweed suit promises its wearer ultimate power. Dick must scour the globe to reunite the pieces of the mysterious suit, to stop it falling into the wrong hands - and to win the girl of his dreams. With nonstop action The Devil Wears Tweed features new songs, brings back favourite characters and introduces familiar faces from the past - from Hollywood's Irving Berlin to cricket hero Don Bradman. "An energetic and

Something to do every night of the week, Yay! talented cast tell this tale of derring-do with great aplomb. As well as delivering virtuoso comic performances, they also sing with vigour, and even double up as the band for the musical numbers - such dashed good fun!' The Times on a previous episode. Various times and prices. Please call 020 8680 4060 or visit the website www.warehousetheatre.co.uk The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon • Event: Ice Skating The glorious Somerset House Ice Rink stays open until January 25th. “Open all day and into the night seven days a week until the end of January, Somerset House Ice Rink is a treat for every Londoner. Friends can celebrate the festive season at moonlit Late Skate sessions, or skate to London's sharpest DJs at DJ Nights in January. Everyone can hone their skills at January's Skate School. The Skate Café and Bar is open from breakfast to late evening daily with a tempting selection of quality comfort food and hot drinks. Spectators are always welcome to come along and watch, so bring friends and relax in the cafe after your skate or round off the night with a glass of bubbly. Tickets from £10.50 - £15. Family tickets available. Somerset House, Strand, London WC2R 1LA Booking: 0844 847 1520 (booking with Ticketmaster) www.somersethouse.org.uk • Exhibition: Statue Philia Until 25 January 2009 The British Museum has one of the world’s most celebrated and diverse collections of sculpture, dating from prehistory to the present day. Since its foundation in 1753, the Museum has consistently engaged with the contemporary world, both in its collecting and its displays. These two themes are brought together in Statuephilia, for which five of Britain’s leading artists have contributed a sculpture responding to these worldfamous collections. Renowned British sculptor Henry Moore spoke of ‘the delight, the excitement, the inspiration’ he received from his visits to the British Museum, and this remains true for the sculptors of today. Antony Gormley and 19

Ron Mueck are represented here by monumental sculptures, Marc Quinn premieres a dazzling gold statue of Kate Moss, while Damien Hirst and Noble and Webster have created provocative new works inspired by the Museum’s collections. These five installations show how our understanding of modern art can be deepened by placing it in an historic, global context and reveal just how relevant the art of the past is to today. Statuephilia encourages us to look afresh at both modern and ancient art, to explore the similarities as well as differences between eras and cultures, and to remind ourselves of the perennial power of sculpture. FREE ADMISSION The Museum is open daily, 10.00–17.30 The British Museum, Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3DG www.britishmuseum.org

Every Monday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Free Your Voice World a capella singing drop-in. Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm. Workshop rooms at The Clocktower, Katharine Street. For more details phone Cate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mail catherine@naturalvoice.net. • Music: Folk and Blues Club From 8pm. Prices vary depending on artist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 for further info. Licensed bar. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. • Music: Big Beer Band The 8 million Big Beer Band musicians do their big-band thang at the Brief. From 9pm ish TheBrief, George Street, Croydon • Games: Free Pool Every Monday at The Alma. The Alma Tavern 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842 • Lifestyle: Croydon Life Club Every Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 per workshop (Concessions given) Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EB More info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk

what’s on • Dance: Ballroom & Latin American Ballroom and latin American classes with stars from BB1 show “Strictly Come Dancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon on Monday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential. Telephone 07944 931130, www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Belly Dancing Come and join the fun every Tuesday. Classes are for women only and suitable for all ages, sizes and levels of ability. Make sure you wear comfortable clothing and bring a scarf to tie around your hips to really get you in the mood! Open level - suitable for all 6pm7.15pm In depth class - suitable for experienced dancers only: 7.30pm8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgher on 01342 850423 The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Dance: Ceroc Learn to Ceroc every Tuesday in the Arnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an exciting and stylish modern partner dance which can be performed to all types of music. It’s very easy to pick up, no special clothes are required and you don’t need to bring a partner as we make sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pm Freestyle: 9.30pm-11pm Membership £2, Admission £6 For further info tel: 020 8466 5030 or visit: www.cerockent.com Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

• Quiz: The Builders Arms General knowledge quiz, always well supported, from 9pm. The Builders Arms • Quiz: The Sandrock Music/general knowledge quiz from 8.30pm every Tuesday. The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley, CR0. 020 8662 1931. • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: Dog and Bull from 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Beautiful People Beautiful people is on every Tuesday night. This long running alternative night continues to leap ahead having been ahead of the pack in the past playing nu-metal and screamo we are now moving into playing a majority of emo. Our recent celebrity visitors have included My Chemical Romance (we were first UK club to play them) and Alkaline trio alongside them we championed Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJ Zoe Urchin also blends in ska (Mad Caddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker) and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Green day to Minor Threat) some new school rock (Trivium to Queens of stone age) and a pinch of hip hop and dance (Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are an unbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke, £1.50 for house spirits and two bottled beers for £3 11pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc before midnight £5 after or otherwise all night theres a full listing, downlaodable flyer, photo gallery , Djs picks and links to our my space page www.wolfshead.co.uk Metro, Basement 19 Oxford Street London W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk • Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER! £1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1 drinks till 11pm! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Event: Pool Competition NEW! The weekly pool competition returns to the Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, East Croydon. • Gay: Club Camp GAY night at the sheep with cabaret at 11pm + electro, sleeze and cheese till late from Linton. Doors at 8pm, £5 after 9pm www.blacksheepbar.com/clubcamp. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Camp Bingo - NEW hosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pm with various prizes. Happy Hour Drinks when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Live Jazz Every Thursday lunchtime from 12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 020 8253 1030. www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the

what’s on month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Open Mic at The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon, every Thursday 8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists or others with any ‘reasonable’ instrument ), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel: 0208 6576655. wwwthegoodcompanions.com The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon • Club: Xplosive The Wolfshead alternative mafia try a new night at this poular South London bar known up until now for its dance events just around the corner from Brixton tube. Into its plush surroundings will come DJ Zoe Urchin and guests cunningly blendingly together an eclectic romp through the alternative genre featuring indie (Arctics to White Stripes), emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panic at the Dsico), alternative rock ( System of a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfits to Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less than jake)and alternative dance (Pendulum to Kanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels and coke £2.50, house spirits and mixer £2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3. 10pm- 3am £3 before midnight, £5 after less for students/flyers/members. flyer to download at website www.wolfshead.co.uk Tongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic Road Brixton • Gay: Discotek Midweek gay music club with world class music. Two rooms of music every Thursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco' in the lounge and pumping house vibes in the main room. Resident DJs Femi B, Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, Guy Williams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan, plus international and UK guests. Weekly pre-party @ The Edge and Candy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18 West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 020 7419 9199 www.endclub.com • Club: Rock Night South London’s biggest and best rock night. Live music every Thursday from 8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and most drinks are at happy hour prices till 9pm...what more do you want?! Bands are followed by DJ Tony X. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233.

www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa De Cuba with Leo & Co. Classes from 8pm followed by club salsa until 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Dance: Simply Salsa Learn to dance salsa every Thursday. Beginners welcome. No partner required. Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight. Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00 club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthly Sunday’s also!! For further info. simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591 The Treehouse, South End, Croydon • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: Soca / Calypso Beginners welcome and rum punch served! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's. No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Karaoke: Arkwrights Wheel All together now... Arkwrights Wheel, 151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638. 21

• Karaoke: Selhurst Arms Thursday night would appear to be karaoke night bleedin’ everywhere... From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25. • Quiz: Purley Arms Quiz-a-rama, every Thursday from 8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + other goodies. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: Cricketers General knowlegde quiz with £50 prize. The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Music: Boulevard Live music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, South Croydon. 020 8649 9990. • Music: Open Mic Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Quiz: The Valley From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Valley, 76 Croydon Road, Caterham

Every Friday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Club: DJ Night Every Friday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon • Club: Upstairs DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm with all house spirits £2. The only club in Croydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3 before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry to diners of the restaurant. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant

what’s on 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness Singalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co in the bar from 9pm. The Norbury, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Club Zone following on from Karaoke Madness is Club Zone @ The Edge Nightclub playing club & party classics with guest DJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Dj Steve Mapp in the main room Dj Mark B in Surfers All Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Karaoke: Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260. • Karaoke: Swan & Sugarloaf Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Karaoke: The Norbury From 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Music: Alma Tavern Live music. Alma Tavern, 129 Lwr Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842. • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Friday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Singles: Swan & Sugarloaf Over 30 single’s night in the function room. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Music: Mama K’s Blues Bar Mama K's blues bar, run by local blues/rock musicians, open jam from 8 pm, full backline provided. Main band 10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com

• Dance: Bollywood Groove & Bhangra Funky and energetic dance class. Beginners and improvers welcome. Come along and bring your friends. From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class. Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama Studio Archbishop Lanfranc, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 3AS. Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370 • Games: Pool Competition From 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674. • Games: Pool / Domino Tournaments in the afternoon - call for more details. The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Saturday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Club: Saturday Night With Linton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from the beast of butch and his followers… Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze. Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: The Big Double Classic hits in the bar from 9pm followed by guest acts and DJs at The Edge, open til 3am. The Norbury & The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Dj Andy B in the main room & Dj Randy T in surfers All drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Club: Upstairs See ‘Every Friday’ for full details. Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837 • Music: Live Music - NEW Every Saturday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday: • Music: Open Mic Acoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The Jolly Farmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m. Tel: 0208 6602076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’, Purley • Quiz: Good Companions Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. www.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Music: Open Mic All welcome! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness With Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Disco Gold Until 1am. FREE! before 10pm. The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Croydon Backgammon Club Sundays from 8PM. Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon • Quiz: Forestdale Arms Weekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms, Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260 • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: The Rail View Every Sunday from 8.30pm. The Rail View 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Quiz: The Kenley Hotel From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road, Kenley CR8 5AA • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Got something going on? Let us know e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

what’s on Sunday 01 February 2009 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Dave Briggs Band Running man with Scotty Moore brings his rocking blues to the Oval. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: Whitechapel’s Trail Of Terror Jack the Ripper Walk from our friend Creepy Chambers. 6pm outside the Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel. £5 (£3 conc.) For more info visit www.myspace.com/ whitechapelstrailofterror or e-mail whitechapelstrailofterror@hotmail.com • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line:

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Mon 02 • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com 23

• Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Tue 03 • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for Djs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th

what’s on

Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues... Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Wed 04 • Music: Zag and the Coloured Beads Upstairs - FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Pool: Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Guitar-Off Come and watch a load of would-be Steve Vai’s twang their six-strings in the hope of swaggering off with the grand prize. 8pm. FREE entry. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every

Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3.

The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Thu 05 • Music: Roland Chadwick The antipodean classical ace goes down home with an effective Delta and flamenco fusion - and a bit of banter thrown in. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk www.rolandchadwick.com • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: Pistols at Dawn Winners of the recent Battle of the Bands. 8pm. FREE entry. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Fri 06 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous New Year’s Resolution - Friday Poetry at the Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Music: Friday DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre,

Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Sat 07 • CHARITY: Rock For CLIC An all dayer of Rock music at The Brief with 2 stages and some great bands Doors 1pm till late Entry £6 all proceeds go to the CLIC Sargent charity Bands include 23 Enigma, Shivery, The Loudness, Kitty Lipps and many more! Great prizes to be had including a Jack Daniel's Fender Guitar. For more info visit www.myspace.com/franticpromotions or call 07766 294855 The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: DJ Rob Delta 1st Saturday of the month. Funk, blues, soul and psychedelia. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor.

what’s on Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Music: DJ Night Pantera Gary and Steve The Ears present “Fear and Loathing in the Ship”. Not for the fainthearted. 8pm. FREE entry. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Sun 08 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Paul Lamb’s Easy Riders Acknowledged UK harp maestro comes blowing into the Oval - with a King Snake or two (Ryan and Chad). Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk www.paullamb.com • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers

Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon

Mon 09 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm

The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 10 • Music: Open Mic Night Simon's blues and acoustic open Open Mic nights. We let you entertain us! From 8.30pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com 26

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons

Wed 11 • Pool: Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Bad Sign Live music. 8pm. FREE entry. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied 27

Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 12 • Music: Dave Peabody and Colin Earl Class guitar and piano duo, featuring founder member of Mungo Jerry on the ivories. Yer know: witty too. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Fri 13 • OooOOH! • Music: Bash The Bishop’s Valentine’s Special Swoon to the romantic sounds of deejay heartthrobs JONNNY BOLAX, KAPT KWIRK, BISHOP OF KROYDON & SPECIAL GUESTS. WE DO ACCEPT LOVE VOUCHERS. *pm -midnight. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Event: Whitechapel’s Trail Of Terror Jack the Ripper Walk from our friend Creepy Chambers. 6pm outside the Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel. £5 (£3

conc.) For more info visit www.myspace.com/ whitechapelstrailofterror or e-mail whitechapelstrailofterror@hotmail.com • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Sat 14 • Event: Valentine’s Day Yeah, whatever... • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Saturday Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm. £1.50. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Party: DJ LInton Valentine’s Special. Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Party: Valentine’s Night DJ Justified Egomaniac brings his usual Saturday cocktail of alternative rock, metal and punk and adds a dash of love, 2 measures of hate and six drops of angostura bitters. 8pm. FREE entry. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Party: Anti-Valentine’s Details tbc. The Green Dragon, 28

58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Speed-Dating details tbc, please visit the pub for more info. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Party: Black and White Ball Single? Hate Valentines Day? Fed up with mushy couples? Or just all LOVED up and want somewhere to party...... Then come and party with the sexiest crowd in South London! 8pm - 2am. Walkabout, Crown Hill Croydon

Sun 15 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: David Raphael Band Expect meaty harp-driven Chicago sounds from another Oval debutant. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk www.davidraphael.co.uk • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Mon 16 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 17 • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for Djs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull

From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 18 • Pool: Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 29

8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 19 • Music: Shakey Vic Band Harp veteran Graham Vickery and his blues crew knock out rough, ready and rocking Chicago sounds. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk http://shakeyvick.com • Event: Wine Tasting 7.30pm - 9.30pm. Taste 10 different wines have a light snack all for £15 per person. For more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Fri 20 • Music: Friday DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Hellfire Festival A 3 day metal fest with 2 stages and featuring bands such as Overkill, Exodus, Gama Bomb, Annotations of an Autopsy, Malefice, Ted Maul, Firewind, Godsized and many more For information on ticket prices and the full line up visit www.hellfirefestival.com or www.myspace.com/franticpromotions SEE YOU IN THE PIT! Carling Academy Islington • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com

www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Autopsy, Malefice, Ted Maul, Firewind, Godsized and many more For information on ticket prices and the full line up visit www.hellfirefestival.com or www.myspace.com/franticpromotions SEE YOU IN THE PIT! Carling Academy Islington

Sat 21

Mon 23

• Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Hellfire Festival A 3 day metal fest with 2 stages and featuring bands such as Overkill, Exodus, Gama Bomb, Annotations of an Autopsy, Malefice, Ted Maul, Firewind, Godsized and many more For information on ticket prices and the full line up visit www.hellfirefestival.com or www.myspace.com/franticpromotions SEE YOU IN THE PIT! Carling Academy Islington

• Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Sun 22

• Music: Open Mic Night Simon's blues and acoustic open Open Mic nights. We let you entertain us! From 8.30pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's.

• Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Razers Steve Matthews's powerful all-star line up returns with innovation and soul. Featuring Neil Crowley. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk www.razers.org • Music: Hellfire Festival A 3 day metal fest with 2 stages and featuring bands such as Overkill, Exodus, Gama Bomb, Annotations of an 30

Tue 24

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 25 • Pool: Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 26

• Music: Steve Morrison Haunting slide, slick guitar and great songs from this Oval fave. Live blues every Sunday and Thursday Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk www.bluesabuse.com • Event: Belgian Beer Tasting 7.30pm - 9.30pm. Learn more about the different styles of Belgian Beers from an expert. Taste 10 different Belgian Beers, light snack, £15.00 per person. . For more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Fri 27 • Music: Friday DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk 31

• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Sat 28 • Music: DJ BennyManyHats 4th Saturday of the month. Playing the way only Benny can. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

pubs, clubs & bars • Addington Village Inn Beer garden, parking, big screen, food: 12-8pm. 36 Addington Village Rd, Addington, CR0 01689 842057 • All Bar One 2 floors. Decent food all day. Fiendish German beers. Dress code Fri/Sat: smart casual. 10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033 • Alma Tavern - DS Beer garden at rear, patio out front, parking, 4 tvs & big screen, kids welcome til 8pm, live music at weekends - see ‘what’s on’, pool table (FREE pool on Mondays), darts and a cashpoint. Food: 12-3pm MonFri. 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DS Decent sized boozer, pool table, screen for sports, food 12-8pm. Karaoke every Thursday. 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638 • Bar Red Square - DS Stylish, light & friendly bar with outside seating. Happy hour 3pm-12am Monday-Saturday: Buy One Get One Free on Smirnoff, Kronenbourg and Wine. DJs at weekends. Dress code: Smart casual - smart trainers ok. 63-65 High St, CR0 020 8688 1020 • Bedford Tavern - DS Large patio garden out front, pool table, bar billiards, tv inside, regular bbqs on the patio. 16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584 • Beehive - DS Large boozer with massive beer garden, right on the green. 47 Woodside Green, South Norwood, SE25 5HQ. 020 8662 1941 • Bird in Hand - DS Croydon’s longest serving Gay bar with pool table, FREE Air Hockey, FREE Giant Jenga, FREE Giant Connect 4, Big Screen TV, Beer Garden, covered and heated smoking area. Back Bar Available for private hire and functions. 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, London CR0 2EL Tel: 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook!

• Bishops Wine Bar Only sell wine. Homemade food served between 12pm and 2.30pm. Opening times subject to change. 1129 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 7340 Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pm Closed Sunday. • Black Sheep Bar - DS Possibly Croydon’s most progressive venue. See what’s on for night details. 68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233 www.blacksheepbar.com • Bricklayers Arms - DS 237 High Street Beckenham • Bodega - DS New tapas restaurant / bar. Civilised atmosphere. Wide selection of meat, seafood and veggie tapas. Spanish beers, exclusive Spanish wines. Buy a bottle of our exclusive selected spirits (complimentary mixers) and gain access to our intimate VIP area. Disabled access. Covered heated smoking area. Sky and Setanta sports. Private parties and corporate meeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Brief - DS Decent boozer with screens showing music videos/freeview, Dress code at weekends smart casual, no headwear. Door charge at weekends. 48 George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878 • Builders Arms - DS Friendly Fullers pub with conservatory restaurant area, 2 bars, one with 2 tvs. Board games available. General knowledge quiz night every Tuesday from 9pm. Live music last Friday of every month. Large, grassy, pleasant beer garden out back with nice seating, giant Connect 4, giant Jenga and giant skittles, Over 18s only. 65 Leslie Park Rd, CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Bulls Head - DS Small friendly local. Recently refurbed and under new management. All sports & Setanta sports shown. Real ales Bar food mon-fri: 12-4pm. 39 Laud St, CR0 020 8760 0150 • Claret Free House - DS Intimate real ale pub. 5a Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA 020 8656 7452 • Coombe Lodge Large pub/restaurant with enormous beer garden, conservatory and outdoor dining as well as posh dining room. Food served all day. Also a Travel Inn with rooms around £60. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Crescent Arms 323 Whitehorse Road, CR0. 020 8684 2310 • Cricketers - DS Good food, screens for sports, huge garden, pool table. 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Cricketers Pub grub served weekdays 123.30 and Sunday Roast served Sundays 12 ‘til they run out! 107 Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8662 1921 • Croham Arms - DS Croham Rd, CR2 020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DS Massive pub with beer garden, parking etc. Good food and weekly quiz nights. 28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235 • Crown and Anchor - DS 19 Park Road, Bromley • Crown & Pepper - DS Friendly staff and punters, large pub, nice beer garden / patio at the back heated and lit smoking area, conservatory dining area, car park, sofas, wide range of bottled beers, shots and good food. Dinner table reservations available. 242 High St, CR0 1NF. 020 8688 7507 • Crown and Sceptre - DS Small friendly local with outside seating, parking, screen for sports and top food served Mon-Thu 12-9pm, 33

Fri-Sun + bank Hols: 12-6pm 32 Junction Road, CR2. 020 8688 8037 • Davy’s Wine Vaults - DS Intimate underground wine bar, tucked away in North End. Big screen, comfy sofas and booths. Excellent selection of wines. Quiz night first Weds of every month at 7.30pm, Salsa classes and intermediate every Sat. Quality food served everyday 11am-10pm. 122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419 • Dog and Bull - DS The Dog comes into its own as the sun arrives - the best beer garden in Croydon, with alfresco bar and bbq. Brilliant. 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664 • Drum and Monkey 7 Gloucester Rd, CR0 • Duke of Cambridge Small pub, popular with footie fans on matchdays. 7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR 020 8665 6440 • Duke of Gloucester 258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971 • Eagle - DS Under new management. 52 Tamworth Road (Reeves Corner), 020 8686 7474 • Earl of Eldon - DS All sports shown, big screen, beer garden, occasional live music. Food served every day. 63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473 • Edge - DS Beer garden, Wednesday quiz night. Weekday food 12-3pm. Live music from rock riot promotions www.myspace.com/ rockriotpromo 1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933 • Elliott’s - DS Food served Mon-Fri 122.30pm. Function room, 42” plasma screen for sports. Occasional Karaoke. Weds: Fun Blackjack (£1 entry) and Salsa classes from 8pm. 5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361 • Fairfield Tavern - DS Only open to theatre-goers. Fairfield Halls, CR0

pubs, clubs & bars • First Base City Limits, The Colonnades, Purley Way • Fishermans Arms 78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP 020 8689 7887 • Folly - DS Large and airy split level pub with pool table, outside patio, big screen, comfy seats. Food served 12-6pm every day. Happy hour 4-8pm every day. DJs from 8pm every Sunday. 13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8688 3920 • Forestdale Arms New food menu, massive smoking tent, karaoke Fridays, quiz on Saturday lunch times. Cricket/ football net. Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260 • Fountainhead Large pub with large grassy beer garden, kiddie’s slide and, as far as we’re aware, it still has a ‘swingball’ out there too. 114 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 4025 • Fox Pub and restaurant with enormous beer garden set pretty much in the countryside. Nice food last time we visited. Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon, CR3 01883 330401 • Foxley Hatch 8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley, CR8. 020 8763 9307 • Freelands Tavern - DS 31 Freelands Road, Bromley • George - DS Wetherspoons pub with cheap beer offers running constantly, large restaurant at rear with no smoking area and disabled access. 17-21 George St, CR0 020 8649 2944 • George Outside courtyard, inside screens for sport, live music, quizzes and karaoke occasionally. Bar food available all day. 132 Canterbury Rd, CR0 020 8689 7911 • Gipsy Moth - DS Massive boozer - kiddies play area, car park, screens etc. Unit 7, The Colonnades, 619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ 020 8686 8923 • Glamorgan - DS Top quality food in friendly gastro-pub surroundings. beer garden, pool table, big screens

for sport (not football). South African ‘Bunny Chow’ a speciality. 81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333 • Golden Lion 144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB 020 8684 1395 • Good Companion Family friendly pub on the southern edge of South Croydon, on the Limpsfield Road. Main Bar: large screen TV and additional screens showing all major sports, pool table/darts. Live music and DJ nights (Includes established ‘Open Mic’ night on Thursdays, but see the web site for details of all events). Non smoking Lounge Bar and large Restaurant. Home prepared foods inc. kids options available from 12 daily. Special menu on Sundays includes a choice of roasts and other meal options (booking is recommended on Sundays). Very large family gardens. Car Parking for 60 cars. Private weddings, functions and parties catered for. ( no room hire charges ). Open until 11.30p.m. weekdays and Midnight on Fridays and Saturdays Limpsfield Road, South Croydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655. www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market DS Huge boozer with an eclectic age range of punters and eyewateringly low prices. 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG 020 8688 4798 • Granaries 6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000 • Grange Beer garden, screens for sport, pool table. Bar food available every day, occasional live music, quiz, karaoke. 21 Norbury Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 3783 • Green Dragon - DS 2 pool tables, sports screens, hire-able upstairs bar. Live music Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays; Djs at the weekend. Quality Ales and Proper Food (big Sunday Roast and lots for veggies); table service. Thursday Quiz, Sunday Pub Games night, a

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

BookSwap scheme and local artist's work for sale. Food served 12-9 daily. Mon-Thurs 12-12 Fri -Sat 12-1 Sun -12-10.30 58-60 High St, CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684 Mon-Thu: 12pm-12 midnight Fri/Sat: 12pm-1am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Gun Tavern - DS Live music venue as well as a friendly boozer. Pool tables, Sky on big screen TV. Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472 • Gypsy Tavern Wine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0 020 8688 6750 • Half and Half The perfect place to chill- out, with cosy sofas, eclectic tunes, basement area for business meetings, private parties, meet up with work colleagues or friends very friendly and relaxed. Visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com for more info and discounts! 282 High St, CR0 1NG 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Hare and Hounds 325 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 0420 • Harvest Home 27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813 • Horseshoe Beer garden, pool table and screens for sport. Live music/quiz/karaoke occasionally on Fri-Sun. Kids welcome until 6pm. Food derved 12-2pm and 5-8pm. 745 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7, 020 8665 6305 • Hub New club 80-88 High St, CR0 020 8680 5500 • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com • Jack and Jill Longlands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5 • Jolly Farmers - DS Good beers and ales, and coffees, with home cooked foods served at lunchtimes. (No TV screens inside) Seating areas 34

to the front and side, with car parking to the rear. Live music on Fridays (rock/blues band night), Saturdays (mixed bands and singers) and Sundays (great ‘open Mic’ nights with different hosts every week) See the Web site for details www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208 660 2076 • Lion Inn Smoking patio, pool table, darts, screens for sport. Occasional live music and DJs. Main and evening menu, bar snacks all day. 182 Padsons Rd, CR0 020 8684 2978 • Lord Napier Renowned Thornton Heath boozer noted for its quality live jazz music. 111 Beulah Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Loop - DS “Loop is a members-only, award winning (Best New Late Night Venue - Theme), stylishly designed club with, impressive cocktail bar, american pool tables and some of Londons top DJs.” Dress Code varies, check each listing in what’s on. DJs from 9pm. General Enquiries: 020 8760 7000 www.looppoolbar.com 12 Crown Hill, CR0 • Man on the Moon 112 Headley Drive, New Addington, CR0 0QF 01689 847550 • Milan Bar / Lloyds - DS Hugely popular bar over two floors. Relatively cheap booze. Food served throughout the day until 30mins before closing. Screens showing music videos, 70’s 80’s 90’s night every Thursday from 8pm. DJ’s at weekends Dress code: Smart casual - no hats or trainers. 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870 • New Inn 148 Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8665 1440 • Newton Arms 175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654 • Norbury - DS Incorporating The Edge

pubs, clubs and bars nightclub. Sports bar with 3 big screens and pool tables. Outside seating area. 1300 London Road, Norbury. SW16 4DG. 020 8679 0632 • Old Derby - DS Screens for sport, pool table, darts, benches outside at front. Quiz every 3/4 weeks, live bands and karaoke every two weeks. DJ Twinkletoes every Frdiay and Sunday. Lunch menu served 11am-2.30pm and a diferent meal every night for £1.50. 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674 • Old Fox and Hounds Thai food served Mon-Sat: 123pm. Beer garden, pool table, big screen sport, house doubles at £2, function room available. 1 London Rd, CR0 • Orchard - DS Large pub with pool table, darts, big screen, beer garden with kids play-area. 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 3682 • Oval - DS One of our favourite pubs. Brilliantly friendly. Pool table, great beer garden. Real Ales. Food served between 12-3pm every day and 6-9pm Fridays new menu and bar menu (nachos, calamari, potato skins etc). Sunday Roast (2 choices + vege) 12.30-3.30pm. BBQs in summer (available to hire - call for details). Pool competition every Thurs, DJs Fri/Sat, monthly quiz night and live blues (see what’s on for details). 131 Oval Rd, CR0 020 8686 6023 • Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8771 3816 • Padson’s Arms Beer garden, screens for sport and kids welcome until 7pm. 69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA 020 8684 2378 • Pitlake Arms 73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD 020 8688 0428 • Pistols - DS 208-210 Brighton Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2NF • Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7151 • Plough Inn

Croydon Rd, The Broadway, CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122 • Porter and Sorter - DS The Editor’s local, friendly and lively. Table service, good food - new menu including sarnies and wraps as well as main meals. Dining area at rear, 7 different real ales, drinks offers, no smoking area, outside seating, 3 screens. A top boozer! 1 Billinton Hill (formerly Station Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296 • Portmanor Live bands every Saturday, DJ on Fridays - new rock venue in South London Portland Road, South Norwood SE25 4UF • Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8239 0029 • Purley Arms - DS Outside patio, big screen, cashpoint inside. Food served Mon-Fri: 12pm-7pm Saturday: 12-5pm Sunday: 1pm-5pm. 345 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 3792 Mon-Wed: 12pm-11pm Thu-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Railview - DS Under New Management. Beer Garden, Darts, Sky Sports, Parking. Sunday Lunch 1-5pm. 11am-11pm Sun-Thu, 11am-12am Sat/Sun 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, Thornton Heath • Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476 • Rectory - DS Huge barracuda pub in Purley. Loads of seating, booths, wooden floors etc. Pay car park at rear. Food served 12-10pm. 908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396 • Red Deer - DS Under New Management. Massive pub in South Croydon with 2 bars, pool table, 2 big screens + 6 smaller ones for sport. Car park. Large function room available for hire - call for details. Reasonably priced drinks. DJs every Friday and

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

Saturday night from 8midnight playing dance / RnB / Garage etc. 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599 Mon-Thu: 12-11pm Fri-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12-10.30pm • Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 020 8653 9991 • Rileys Croydon Pool / Snooker club. 1st Floor, 63 Frith Road, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB. Telephone: 020 86497788 • Rileys Purley Way Pool / Snooker club. 31 Imperial Way, Purley Way, CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DS Small, friendly Fullers pub with beer garden over the road. Food served Mon-Fri: 122.30pm. Dart board. No music. Rugby pub! 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS 020 8688 9749 • Saints and Sinners Pleasant little pub with small beer patio. 482 London Rd, CR0. 020 8689 3713 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Restaurant/pub - patio out the back, parking, good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. Music/gen knowledge quiz, every Thursday from 9pm. Monthly live music (phone for date/details). 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 • Selhurst Arms Large Palace pub with 2 bars, big screen, pool table, beer garden /patio, car park. Selhurst Rd, SE25 • Ship - DS Institutional alternative pub. Food Mon-Sat: 12-7pm, Sun: 12.30-3pm. 47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810 www.theship.org • Ship of Fools Wetherspoons outfit. 9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835 • Shirley Inn - DS Compact pub with beer 35

garden, parking, pool table, darts, 4 screens inc big one. Steak-out menu available MonSat 12-6.30pm and Sun 122.30pm. Karaoke on some Thursdays, and Entertainment on Saturdays (phone for dates and details). 158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley 152-154 Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457 • Skylark Large pub spread over two floors. 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909 • Smugglers Inn 320 Chipstead Valley Rd, Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457 • Spread Eagle - DS Extensive traditional pub menu served 12-9pm Mon-Sat and 12-5pm Sunday. Real Ales, Cask Conditioned ales. Outside seating. Sky big screen downstairs, plasma screen upstairs. Function room for hire with buffets available. 39 High St, CR0 1QD 020 8781 1134 • Stag 234-236 Addington Rd, Selsdon, 020 8657 6265 • Stag and Hounds - DS Local pub with beer garden. Friendly atmos. Home cooked food every Friday 11am-3pm. 26 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 1908 • Star 101 Southbridge Rd, CR0. 020 8688 2638 • Surprise Inn - DS Karaoke every Sunday evening from 5.30 until closing. 107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0. 020 8656 6820 • Surrey Cricketers - DS Friendly, triangular shaped pub, seats outside, pool table, screens, darts. 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781 • Swan and Sugarloaf - DS Large pub with parking, screen for sports, pool table and darts. Function room for hire. B&B (room only £20pppn). 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562 020 8688 7888 • Thomas Farley 61 High St, Thornton Heath,

pubs, clubs & bars / restaurants CR7. 020 8665 7975 • Tiger Tiger - DS 6 bars, a restaurant: modern classic food and a club spread over 2 floors. Happy hour 57.30pm. Dress Code: Smart casual, collared shirts, no trainers. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tudor Rose Coulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR5 01737 553368 • Two Brewers - DS Pleasant little Shepherd Neame pub with tables outside front, beer garden out back. screens for sport, darts. Gets busy with footie fans as it’s on the way to Selhurst Park, but still manages to stay friendly and welcoming. 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544 • Txt Bar - DS New upmarket bar. Cocktails a speciality. 73 South End, CR0 020 8667 1308 • Upstairs Gorgeous, grown-up, intimate club.Thursday - Simply Salsa. Friday & Saturday Club nights with DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross 228 Bensham Lane, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8684 3022 • Vintage 34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ 020 8686 5600 www.vintage-bar.com • Walkabout - DS Large and lively Aussie boozer. Club attached, (open Fri/Sat). Live bands and DJs through the week. Large portions of food (inc. crocodile & kangaroo) served until 1 hour before closing. 2 big screens for sport, loads of seating and comfy sofas. Dress code: smart casual - no trainers. 12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559 mail: croydon@walkabout.eu.com for birthdays special occasions

and guest list. • Welcome Inn 300 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 • Wheatsheaf Large and allegedly haunted boozer on Thornton Heath Pond. 759 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7161 • Wheelwrights Arms - DS Friendly community local with good food, karaoke every Friday night from 8.30pm, Quiz every Sunday from 8pm, occasional live music and charity nights. 126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DS Friendly local with large grassy beer garden and big screen. Food served Mon-Sat 12pm2.30pm and Sunday 1pm-5pm. Quiz night at the end of every month - phone for details. 224 St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 020 8684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Windsor Castle - DS (Toby Carvery and Innkeepers Lodge) Pub, restaurant, hotel. Car park. Garden & patio. Food served 12pm-9.30pm, set menu and carvery. 415 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8680 4559 • Woodman - DS Small and friendly pub with beer garden at back, outside seating at front and screen for sports. Unusual and interesting ceiling decor. 36 Upland Rd, CR2 020 8688 4725 • Yates’s Wine Lodge - DS New and vastly improved, friendly, relaxed and with pool hall upstairs. 3-11 High St, CR0 020 8681 8219 • Ye Olde Clock Tower 35 Whitehorse Road, CR0 020 8684 0288

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

ENGLISH • Cockney’s Pie and Mash Pies, mash, liquor, vinegar in huge bottles, 82 Church St, CR0 - 020 8680 4512 • Coombe Lodge 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Tree House - DS 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 FISH • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant Quality Fish and Chips restaurant and takeaway. 5/7 Featherbed Lane, Addington 020 8651 1440 Tues-Sat 12-2pm & 5-9.30pm ((pm on Saturday) FRENCH • Auberge French cuisine. Unit 2153 (third floor) Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8680 8337 Sun-Wed: 10am-6pm Thu-Sat: 10am-10pm • Boulevard - DS Restaurant, bar, cafe. 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Rd, South Croy. CR2. 020 8649 9990 • Chateau Napolean Upmarket French cuisine Coombe Wood Hs, Coombe Lane, 020 8686 1244, 020 8680 6027 • Little Bay French/Italian/English. Small intimate restaurant. 32 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8649 9544 • Rayon D’Or French/Italian/English. Face painting for kids on Sunday, dinner and dancing on Saturday. Airport House, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8781 1933 • Savana 222 London Rd, CR0 020 8680 7452

restaurants AMERICAN • Frankie and Benny’s Pizza, pasta & burgers. Valley Leisure Park, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8760 5021 • T.G.I Fridays 702-704 Purley Way, CR0. 020 8681 1313

GREEK • L’Unico Greek cuisine. 265 High St, CR0, 020 8688 7998 INDIAN • 1860 Indian / South African cuisine. 28 South End, CR0 020 8688 3839 • Anika’s Contemporary Indian & Bangladeshi cuisine. 4 Selsdon Parade, Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2, 020 8651 6602 020 8651 6603 • Banana Leaf Award winning South Indian cuisine. 7 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8688 0297 020 8688 9922 • Bharat Bhavan 10 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0.020 8688 6239 020 8680 5553 • Bombay Blue - DS Fine Indian cuisine. 23 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8645 0022 • Catamaran South Indian Kerala cuisine. Veggie and non-veggie. Takeaways available. 62 South End, Croydon CR0 1DP, 020 8688 6996 020 8688 7002 www.mcdosa.com • Chat House 14 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 6327 • Depa Indiana 5 Derby Rd, CR0 020 8688 9695 020 8686 4902 • Go East 212 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1700 • India Palace 79 High St, CR0 020 8686 6730 • Kerala Bhavan South Indian. 16 London Rd, CR0. 020 8688 6216 • Mensab 39 Stafford Rd, CR0 020 8667 9090 • Mohini Balti 202 Croydon Rd, Beddington, CR0. 020 8686 8700 020 8688 5265 • Panahar

restaurants 316 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8651 9662 • Rose Indian/Chinese/Sri Lankan 305 London Rd, CR0 020 8684 1198 020 8684 1536 • Royal Asia Tandoori 91 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 7818 • Sanderstead Tandoori 5 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 6489 • Sangri New indian - fantastic food! 265 High Street, Croydon CR0 1QH • Taste Of Bengal 1 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 5445 • Tikka Masala 227-229 High St, CR0 020 8686 8800 • Zafran 349 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8655 0055 • Zara’s Kitchen Quality Indian, bring your own alcohol. 60 South End, CR0 020 8688 4277 020 8688 0782 ITALIAN • Bagatti’s 56-58 South End, CR0 020 8680 1336 • Bella Italia Live Opera as you eat. 18 George St, CR0, 020 8688 5787 • Ciao Bella 38a South End, CR0, 020 8688 8524 • Dario 248 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 2680 • Elio 17 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8657 2953 • Il Cavallino 89 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9679 • Il Ponte Great food, but a bit crowded. 91-101 High St, CR0 020 8686 1112 • Il Teatro Wood oven baked pizza 64-66 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1788 • La Pergola Streatham Italian with institutionally hilarious Elvis show. 66 Streatham High St, SW16. 020 8764 2646 / 020

8769 2601 • Pizza Express 3-7 South End, CR0 020 8680 0123 • Zizzi - DS Pasta and Pizza in modern surroundings with a wood oven for pizza. French doors all along the front, which they open up in summer. 57-59 South End, CR0. 020 8649 8403 MEXICAN • Chiquito Unit 3, Valley Park Leisure Development, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8686 8341 • Conchitas 27/29 South End, Croydon Tel: 020 8255 8028 • Tequila Rock Cafe 281 High St, CR0 020 8686 8030 020 8686 3223

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

for filling up before a night on the town. 56 George St, CR0 020 8681 6598 • Osushi Croydon’s first sushi restaurant - sushi, tempura & ramen in contemporary surroundings 47 South End, CR0 1BF 020 8681 1166 • Paisaan Thai. Delivery of food and wines & beers available! 13-17 Station Rd, CR0 020 8686 6254 • Royal Garden Upmarket Chinese. Takeaway available. Shirley Hills Rd, CR0 020 8654 6491 / 020 8654 0170 • Spicy Penang Chinese / Malaysian cuisine. Restaurant / takeaway / free delivery (over £15 (after discount) within 3 mile radius. 10% discount on all takeaway collections and deliveries. 49b49c South End, Croydon, CR0 1BF. 020 8680 2010 Lunch Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pm Dinner Mon-Thu: 6-11.30pm Fri/Sat: 6pm-midnight Sun: 12 noon - 11pm. • Tai Tung Chinese. 550 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 3668 / 0117 • Udon Noodle Bar 74 London Rd, CR0 020 8686 0602 • Welcome Friends Chinese. 4 Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9981.

ORIENTAL • Anna’s Thai. 1078 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 6601 • Beijing Cottage Superior Cantonese. 49 South End, CR0 020 8688 2046 020 8688 1092 • Blossom House Chinese. 340 Limpsfield Rd, CR2. 020 8651 4723 • Excelsior Chinese. 264 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8656 1666 • Kelong All you can eat Malay/Chinese buffet. 1b Selsdon Rd, CR0 020 8688 0726 • Longquan Noodle Bar 97 South End, CR0 020 8667 9588 • Mae Ping Thai. 16-18 South End, CR0 020 8760 0278 • Malay House Malaysian BYO alcohol. 60 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8666 0266 • Miso Noodle Bar. Geeorge Street, Croydon www.misonoodlebar.co.uk • New China King 6 Beddington terrace, Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8689 8222 • Oriental Express Good value functional chinese food served super-fast. Ideal

NEPALESE • Gurkha Spice Nepalese cuisine 343 Brighton Road, South Croydon, CR2 6EQ 020 8686 8606 020 8667 0711 OTHER • Croydon Steak House T-bone steaks from 500g to 1500g. 31 South End, CR0 020 8688 8422. Closed Sun. • La Brasa Argentinian cuisine - 108a High St, CR0. 020 8760 9610 • Nando’s Portugese chicken restaurant. 26 High St, CR0 020 8681 3505, 0800 975 8181 37

• Tiger Tiger - DS Classic cuisine with a contemporary twist, along with 6 bars, 2 dance-floors and happy hour 5pm-7.30pm. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949 www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tree House - DS Large contemporary restaurant with bar and garden offering modern European cuisine. Main meals from £8.95. 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 SPANISH • Bodega - DS New tapas bar / restaurant. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Galicia Tapas Bar and restaurant. 269-275 High St, CR0 020 8686 0043 • La Tasca Tapas bar and restaurant. 38-40 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1YB, 0208 680 3388 • Las Fuentes Tapas bar and restaurant. 36-40 High St Purley Surrey CR8 2AA, 020 8763 1983 • Picasso Tapas Bar and restaurant. 910 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 7PE, 020 8684 0049 VEGETARIAN • Pepperton UK - DS Relaxed and friendly licensed vegetarian restaurant and art gallery. Open Tue - Thu: 5.00pm - 10.00pm Fri - Sat: 12noon - 10.00pm Sun & Mon: Closed (other than for party/group bookings of 10 or more). Pepperton UK 25 Selhurst Road, SE25 020 8683 4462

cabs / cinema / music / adult cabs • A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050 • Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0 020 8680 4321 • Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0 020 8656 1313 • Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0 020 8686 4444 020 8686 4499 • Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0 020 8680 5566 020 8680 7799 • Kendall Cars 11, Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535 • Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0 0800 147369 020 8681 8700 • Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 020 8668 8848 • Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR 020 8657 5550 020 8657 1110 020 8657 5588

hotels • Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120 Purley Way, CRO 020 8680 1999 • Coombe Lodge Around £55. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0, 020 8686 2030 • Coulsdon Manor Hotel 4 star. £108-£130 Coulsdon Court Rd, Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414 • Croydon Park Hotel 4 star. £125 - £140. Gym and pool. And a bar open to non-residents. 7 Altyre Road, CRO 020 8680 9200 • Express Holiday Inn WS

Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road, (behind Debenhams) Croydon • Fairfield Hotel 2 star. £60ish. 1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO 020 8681 3381 • Hilton Croydon 4 star. £110. Waddon Way (off Purley Way), CRO. 020 8680 3000 • Innkeepers Lodge (Windsor Castle) - WS £70. 415 Brighton Rd, South Croydon, CR2 0870 243 0500 • Jury’s Inn 3 star. From £69. Wellesley Rd, CR0, 0870 907 2222 • Kirkdale Hotel £45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd, CRO. 020 8688 5898 • Premier Travel Inn £55ish. The Colonnades Leisure Park, 619 Purley Way, CR0. 0870 990 6554 • Selsdon Park Hotel 4 star. £100-£175. 126 Addington Rd, CR2 020 8657 8811 • South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£75 3-5 South Park Rd, CR2 020 8688 5644

• Memory Lane Records Old tunes. 55 Frith Road, CR0 020 8649 7220 • Online Studios 2 state of the art soundproofed, air-conditioned recording studios with vocal room. Studio hire, music production, training courses and DJ recording. Free parking. Unit 18-19 Croydon House, 1 Peall Road, Croydon, CR0 3EX. Tel: 020 8287 8585. www.onlinestudios.co.uk info@onlinestudios.co.uk • Rockbottom - WS Southern England’s largest music shop - keyboards, electronica, guitars & amps, drums & percussion (drum lessons available), woodwind & brass instruments. Buy and sell, downstairs rehearsal studios. 68/70 London Road, CR0. 020 8680 1042 • Scream Studios - WS Open 24 hours. 1000w rig with on board digital effects. Piezo mic recording system, air conditioning. Full backline available. Parking available. Daytime sessions from £18, evening sessions from £25. 20c South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN(next to E-Bar). 020 8686 5788 www.screamstudios.co.uk • Swag Records - WS Dance music specialists. 42 Station Road, West Croydon. 020 8681 7735 www.swagrecords.com • Vinyl Resting Place WS Now online only at: www.thevinylrestingplace. co.uk • World Domination Music Croydon’s newest independent music publisher. Looking for singers/songwriters. All demos listened to. 52 Upper Selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 8DE 020 8657 5565

music • Beanos - WS The UKs largest 2nd hand record shop. 3 floors of vinyl heaven. Star House, 7 Middle St (near Jim Thompsons / Surrey Street market) 020 8680 1202 • Jonathan Myall Music Europe’s leading woodwind & brass centre. New & secondhand. Sales, rental, repairs. 46 South End, CR0 020 8662 8400 www.justflutes.com • Livewire Recording Studios Streatham Ice Arena 386 Streatham high road London. SW16 6HT 020 8835 9913 • Martin Phelps Music Guitars, amps, digital pianos, keyboards. On site guitar workshop. Buy and sell instruments. 9 South End, CR0, 020 8680 9747 38

• 101 Records 2nd hand music. 11 Keeley Rd, CR0. 020 8681 8282

cinema / theatre .• Fairfield Halls - WS Theatre and cinema. Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG box office: 020 8688 9291 admin: 020 8681 3381 www.fairfield.co.uk • Warehouse Theatre - WS Theatre and bar. Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Vue Grants 10 screen cinema complex. 14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info: 08702 406020 enquiries: 020 8688 0606 www.warnervillage.co.uk • Vue Purley Way 8 screen cinema complex. Valley Park Leisure Complex, Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR0 4YA. bookings, info and enquiries: 08702 406020 www.warnervillage.co.uk • David Lean Cinema - WS 80 seater cinema & bar mostly art-house and alternative films. Croydon Clocktower, Katherine Street, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

adult • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am www.hustlerclubuk.com 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 • Private DVDs, videos, ‘marital aids’ toys etc in a discreet environment. Selsdon Road, South Croydon (opposite The Folly pub)

Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May with reasons to be cheerful, part one...

ello again to all my friends and accomplices. Well, it may have escaped your notice but apparently Monday January 19th was the most depressing day of the year, when you were almost guaranteed to be overtaken by overwhelming despair, depression, doom and gloom. I was interested in finding out a bit more about this so I consulted Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University who told me that he settled on Monday January 19th after using “an elaborate formula expressing the delicate interplay of lousy weather, post-Christmas debt, time elapsed since yuletide indulgence, failed new year

spent drinking snowballs laced with brandy and watching Acorn Antiques and Hinge & Bracket on DVD. We managed the whole day without adding a single extra frown line but did have a very slight headache in the morning. However, for the rest of you who didn’t manage to get through the day nursing a stitch due to over-laughing, here are some reminders about why life is not as bad as the media is making out. • You’ve got through the worst bit – there won’t be another ‘most depressing day of the year’ this year. And if you’re reading this, you’ve come out the other side to smile another day.

“The postman peered through the window, mistook Edith’s dancing for a seizure and called an ambulance...” resolutions, motivation levels, and the desperate need to have something to look forward to”. I think we can all relate to that. Edith and I were determined not to let Blue Monday get the better of us so we decided to have a day when we had maximum fun but didn’t spend any money at all. We spent the morning dancing insanely to Pendulum with the volume knob cranked up to 11 - until the postman peered through the window, mistook Edith’s dancing for a seizure and called an ambulance. (Note to self: dance in the back room next time). In the afternoon we treated ourselves to a trip up to Liberty’s where we caused quite a kerfuffle in the hat department, were amazed at the price of a pair of bronze-coloured fauxConverses (£345! – you can get an almost identical pair in Primark at the moment for £4.89) but then sadly got ejected due to an unfortunate episode involving a lift, a small child named Hermione, a brightly lit button and a very loud alarm! From there we paid a visit to the Vault at the Hard Rock Café, Old Park Lane where Edith got very emotional over Flea’s guitar and I had to be dragged away kicking and screaming from Slash’s November Rain costume and Keith Moon’s shirt. The evening was

• The days are getting longer. I know, I’ve timed them. • Petrol is a bit cheaper than it was. • It’s only xxx days til you see AC/DC (fill in the blank). • Your letter box is now not crammed full of junk mail from banks and finance companies begging you to take out loans and credit cards. • There are still two cases of St. Louis Kreik hot cherry beer left at Half & Half, but if they run out you can get chocolate beer in the Dog & Bull. Yum. • There’s loads of free live music around – check the listings section. This month I’m really looking forward to the ‘Rock for CLIC’ Festival at the Brief, George Street on Saturday 7th February which is being held to raise money for CLIC, the children’s cancer charity. 40

There’ll be two stages, raffles, auctions (personally I’m after the Jack Daniel’s geeetar) and as much live music as you can handle in one day (with a surprise headline act to be announced). Full details at www.myspace.com/franticpromotions. Another event I never miss is the Pure Rawk Awards Ceremony which this year is being held at the Purple Turtle, Camden on Friday 27th February featuring sets from The Pleasures, Shush, Evil Scarecrow, Noise and a special acoustic set from Disarm. I hope you’ve all got your votes in as the competition is hot. More info and tickets in advance at myspace.com/purerawkpromotions. And finally, Auntie May’s Lesson of the Month: Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways riding a Harley, totally shagged out, shouting “YeeHarr! What a Ride!! Amen to that. Catch up with the action at www.myspace.com/auntiemay99 or I’ll see you at the bar.

Speed-freak If you think one first date is bad, try having thirty in one night...

few weeks ago, apropos of onrushing Valentine unpleasantness, someone innocently asked me if I’d ever tried speed-dating. ‘Yes, I have,’ I said, a thousand-yard-stare settling in my eyes ‘I wrote an article on it for our first issue.’ At which much hilarity was enjoyed, along with the suggestion I should do it again and update the article. And then I went home and read the article and realised I can’t remember a thing about the evening, the men, the venue, nothing. It was nearly six years ago but still, you’d think there would be some recognition but no, I’ve repressed it out of existence in my memory banks, much as I did with the infamous Mr Tennant interview, as some of you will know, and know why. It was the same sort of excrutiating embarrasment on both occasions, both eminating entirely from me being something of a pillock, and both best left very well alone along with unresolved childhood issues and hummus. But, psychologists say you should face your demons, and David Devant told me to feel the fear and do it anyway, so yes, I shall be apologising for nearly killing him the next time I see Mr T, and yes, I will relive an evening of tiny little three minute packets of horror for your amusement, filtered through the lens of six years, almost in its entireity, but taking out references to ‘Pals’, ‘cos it aint there no more. Loyal readers will, therefore, have seen this before in 2003, if you can remember that far back (I obviously can’t), but that was when I was willing to put myself through this kind of thing for the magazine. I’m not any more, and am unlikely to be again, so make the most of it... It all started innocently enough, with a few drinks, a leaflet advertising speeddating and the general consensus that I should try it, being single, sort of. I’m not sold; it sounds like my worst nightmare, being a shy and retiring type as I am. The twin offensives of alcohol and some feverish badgering soon get the better of me, though, and I’m all but signed up by the time I stagger home. Logging on to www.speeddater.com, I discover they’ve got an event planned

later in the month in Croydon. Being still quite drunk, I take the plunge, pay my £20 and wait for the big day. And that’s where it all starts to go awry. A week before the event I get a call from Ben at Speeddater; ‘There hasn’t been much response to our Croydon event’, he tells me, ‘So we’re cancelling it’. ‘Oh’, I say, ‘How many people did you get?’, ‘Er, you’re the only one’. Well that’s an ego-boost then, cheers. Being the helpful types they are though, they move me to an event at the achingly fashionable Hydro-Bar in Clapham - not too difficult to get to, and, on the up-side, it’s away from sniggering friends. On the down-side, the promised moral support can’t be arsed to come with me. An enormously amused mate also helpfully informs me that the Hydro-Bar has a swimming pool

sent off to get a drink. A double JD later and it’s dawning on me that almost everyone else in the bar (30 men and 30 women) have come with friends, and are happily chatting with them. I station myself at the bar and am soon approached by a nicelooking bloke who tells me not to worry, and that it’s fun. I’m not convinced but ok, I’m here now and the JD is helping immensely - can’t see a swimming-pool though. Probably for the best. The numbers on our badges correspond to table numbers, so I’m forced to leave the relative safety of the bar and look for my table, which I find just in time to see my first date approaching. He’s actually really friendly (all names have been changed to protect the innocent and, in some cases, the very guilty), and is as nervous as I am. The allotted three minutes fly by.

My next date is a keen cyclist. I ask him, more out of hope than interest, if he’s ever been knocked off his bike... in it, so I’m left with a image of everyone getting their kit off and jumping in the pool. Not the worst image in the world, but I can’t swim. I wonder where I can get one of those Victorian full body swimming costumes, just in case. The day of the date doesn’t start well either - the details I’ve been sent from speeddater tell me they start at 7.30 sharp and latecomers might not get in. I’m still running up St John’s Hill at 25 past, so it’s a panting, bright red and dishevelled sight that greets the other daters when I eventually enter the bar with 2 minutes to spare. The sight that greets me is of a room full of tall, elegant, well-endowed blonde ladies. I should point out here that I’m 5’1”, brunette and, er, shall we say, petite? The men, meanwhile, are a broad cross-section in suits, smart casual and one horror story. In a fit of dating-panic, I’m on the verge of turning around and going home when I’m cornered by the organiser of the event, signed in, issued with a name badge and a number and 42

He’s never done this sort of thing before either, and we spend the time trying to decide our strategies. At the end of the three minutes, the woman from speeddater rings a bell (not a little buzzer, but a huge industrial type ship’s bell) pretty much right in my ear, and the men have to move on. We wish each other good luck and he’s off. At this point you’re supposed to fill in a ‘score-card’ with the bloke’s name, number, comments and a little tick if you’d like to see them again. Unfortunately, I’m so flummoxed, and the next fella is so quick to appear, that I don’t have time to fill in the last one’s name. I still have no idea who he was. My second date is Mark, from the bar, who, having done this before, spends the three minutes giving me helpful hints, which are duly taken on board. Then there’s Steve, who’s absolutely stunning. There must be something wrong with him, I surmise, for that to be single, but we end up having an inoffensive chat about Chelsea’s prospects, (Chelsea fan - that’s what’s

wrong with him. Sorry Dad...) and Phil, who works in TV. It’s going as well as can be expected so far, but my drink is running low and it’s getting a bit warm in the bar. My next date appears out of nowhere - a ginger vision in a peculiarly 80’s ‘sweater’ and brown cords. He rides a bicycle. I know this because he tells me in excruciating detail. I ask him, more out of hope than interest, whether he’s ever been knocked off his bike. This is a Bad Idea, and he’s halfway through a real-time description of his journey home when, thankfully, the bell rings. Possibly the longest three minutes of my life, so far. Next up is a guy I’m sure I know. I go in with the truly awful opening gambit of; ‘You look really familiar, do you live in Croydon?’. It’s only later I realise that he’s a childrens’ TV presenter who spends most of his time with his hand up a glove puppet. I’m still not sure whether this is a plus or a minus. He was, however, very gracious about my appalling opening line, and an extremely charming man. And, to be honest, after that it’s all a bit of a blur. A procession of three minutes of varying durations, a couple of accountants, media types, a bloke with a face like a bashed crab, the bloody bell and me becoming increasingly in need of a cigarette. It’s stress, you know. Speed dating, as it transpires, is surprisingly draining, a fact exacerbated by me having taken some dating tips and using the cunning ploy of not talking about myself, but being incredibly interested in them. It’s not as easy as it sounds, especially when they’re astonishingly posh, work at the Bank of England and enjoy talking about interest rates. I kid you not. A welcome break in proceedings is spent with an amusing middle-aged

Scouse businessman talking about famous Palace v Liverpool encounters and canvassing opinion on the evening. Two girls are hovering by the toilets, and it turns out one of them is a speeddating regular. She’s a very pretty, animatedly enthusiastic TV executive, and is full of praise for the events. ‘The trick’, she says, ‘Is to not take it too seriously and just enjoy it. After all, if your score-cards don’t match you never have to meet again. and if you can get past the nerves, it’s a great way to make friends, even if you don’t go away with an actual date’. I look at my score-card and I’ve got six ticks (although I was a bit over-enthusiastic at the beginning and was ticking everyone), and another

the whole sorry saga I’d call a prospective actual date. But, somewhat typically, we’re not on each others’ score-cards, I’m far too tired to be fascinating, am completely out of my depth, and Andy (it turned out) ends up leaving one of the girls I was speaking to earlier. On the way out one of the organisers asks me if I’ve enjoyed it, seeing as though I looked absolutely petrified when I walked in, and I think that on the whole I sort of did in a morbidly fascinated kind of a way. Almost everyone in the bar was a normal human being, with a couple of notable exceptions, so yes, it was, in a strange way, a laugh.

Three minute bursts of varying duration pass with accountants, media types, suits and a bloke with a face like a bashed crab... 15 or so dates to go. I’m absolutely knackered by this point and realise that my scoring system has gone right out of the window. There seem to be an awful lot of blank spaces on my card. The rapidity of movement between dates means I’m not having time to fill in details, and the speed of the encounters means it’s difficult to remember details after the event. And the Jack Daniels probably isn’t helping. Eventually, after three hours of nonstop ‘sparkling’, it’s all over. A house soundtrack kicks in and it’s time to mingle. This is somehow worse than the events preceding it, but is where I meet a bloke called Andy. It turns out that time was against us and not everyone got a chance to do the entire 30 prospective dates, so there a few I haven’t encountered yet. Andy is one of them. We end up having a half-hour chat, and he’s probably the only bloke in

I’d definitely advise anyone thinking of trying it to go with a friend though a bit of a breather, a friendly face and a chance to have a laugh at bike and sweater bloke during the breaks would’ve made it a lot more tolerable. If you’re bubbly and gregarious you’ll love it, so go for it. If you’re like me it’s a baptism of fire, and is definitely An Experience. In much the same way as falling out of a burning aeroplane is an experience, but an experience nonethless... So if you’re up for it and looking for a night out that’s a bit different, visit www.speeddater.co.uk and sign up for something very different indeed. Speeddater’s next local event is happening at the TXT bar on 18th February and costs around £20. We hear the Dog and Bull are doing one on Valentine’s Night too - visit the pub for details...

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy of Deep’s very own globe-trotting correspondant Geoff Lyons...

'day again, Deep readers! By the time you have this in your sweaty mitts, I'll be somewhere on a misty mountain top in The Land Of The Long White Cloud, looking for Mordor, Gollum and a bunch of Hobbits, my precioussssssssss's. I won't be The Scarecrow in Oz anymore, and will be pretending, as best I can with a prevailing Sou'westerly and a helluva lotta luck, that I'm Aragorn from the Lord Of The Rings....(well you gotta dream, right lads?! ). That's right, New Zealand beckons, and having been there twice before, I'm feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve before Sanity Claus rocks up... Anyway,If you've not been following these monthly travelogue scribblings over the last six months, I'm a scruffy artist who hails from The Shire Of Croydon, used to DJ in The Ship, and drank cider and tequila in various pubs in the vicinity. I jacked it in and am now away backpacking for a year. Arrival and Departure Lounges in Crete, India and Australia have come 'n' gone. So if you didn't know what was going on, consider yourself up to speed, and part of the family. It's clear, we're, going to get along... When I last emailed dispatches to angela at deep last month, my mate and I were in a rented van headed for Broome, and had just been blown into a town on the north-west coast of Australia called Port Headland by Cyclone Billy, who left us with a LOT of rain for two days, and then kindly buggered off out into the Indian Ocean and fizzled out to nothing more than a grasshopper's fart. So we kept going north and wondered why everyone else was coming the other way. The effects of Cyclone Billy ? Mebbees a mad mutant roo with an M16 on the highway to hell ? Nah. But the Wet Season had kicked-in a fortnight early and those in the know were heading south. In

retrospect maybe so should have we. Once arrived in Broome and settled into The Last Resort Backpackers (an omen methought?), Christmas Eve and Day involved drinking lots of grog (booze), watching a wet t-shirt contest, keeping out of the way of pissed-up good-ole Aussie boys fighting each other (if you don't want to bruise your hand punching your best mate, use a cricket bat apparently), and being force-fed Nu R'n’B in the only decent bar open in town - it really is shit, that music, eh?! Oh, and playing a very drunk, and verrry ugly bloke at pool in the same bar christmas Eve eve.... He won. The ugly, jammy git. I swear it was looking at his even uglier wife that put me off my game. Boy, was she ugly. She had a face like a dog's bum with a hat on. Anyway. Many thanks for the texts and Facebook messages by the way, it was lovely to get 'em, and made me

feel a little bit Christmassy, but all in all we didn't, really. Slade and Doctor Who and getting mashed in The Ship with your mates - that's Christmas! Ah well - next year ! Now. There are 2 ways to cure a Christmas Day hangover: One is to lie in your bed with a cold turkey and pickle sandwich, Aspro Clear in one hand and the remote in the other, watching 'The Two Ronnies Christmas Crackers' Show on tv, and re-checking all the cards and wrapping paper for hidden HMV vouchers and undiscovered money. The other is to travel from Broome back to Port Headland in 40 degrees, a can of ice cold Rockstar in your hand (the Aussie Red Bull), dodging the previous nights' roadkill. T'was interesting, but by the time we got back to Port Headland, on possibly the most boring stretch of road in the universe, let's just say that

If you don’t want to bruise your hand punching your best mate, use a cricket bat, apparently

the 4 litres of water each and our daily fix of Mrs. Mac's beef pies in a roadhouse hadn't quite done the trick, but the barbee and cold tinnies of Emu Bitter that night did. Buggered if I know why.... Next day we headed inland in 'SMG 826'...(or Smeg, as the van became known..), and down towards The Karijini National Park. The last thing the guy in the Caravan Park said was "Take care walking out there mate - it's bloody gorgeous, but yer gonna

feet away, but skulked around the van, and showed no fear at all when I shone a torch towards him, his eyes glittering in the light. Then three storms decided to collide above us, the sky turned as black as an emu's arse and we had to jump inside the van to dodge the rain. Three more cans of Emu later I needed to water the plants, so slid the van door open. There in the torchlight was not only our dingo, just a few feet from the door, but also a snake, bright green and slithering

There in the torchlight was not only our dingo from earlier but a snake, bright green and slithering under the van... need a hat, sunblock and loadsa bloody water. And don't leave anything outside yer van at night. Those dingos are crafty bastards they'll eat yer camping chair given half a chance.." He wasn't kidding. Later, after hiking a few kilometres down into a canyon, we parked up. Some cans of tuna, Super noodles and a bit of tomato paste, onion and garlic later, we were sat outside, beers in hand watching dusk fall, when the first dingo came calling. He kept about 12

under the van. I was busting for a slash, but waited a wee while (geddit!? Aw, I'm wasted, me). I slept easy that night, despite the rain drumming on the roof 6 inches above my head, but was woken a few times by a pack of wild dogs howling somewhere out in the bush. It was fan-bloody-tastic. Fourteen days later we were back in Fremantle, near Perth, having come down via Exmouth for New Year, then Monkey Mia (wild dolphin territory, and they're beautiful), and a few non-

descript towns. After scrubbing ingrained, red Outback dust off the outside of the van, my mate flew back home and that was that little adventure over. Anyway it's now Sunday 11th Jan, and I've just had a drink with Bon Scott. For those who don't know, heavy rock band AC/DC have been one of Australia's biggest exports for the last 35 years, but sadly lost their original singer Bon Scott back in 1980, at the age of just 33. Being a fan of the band, I'd seen the 6ft bronze statue in Fremantle Harbour, but then heard about a memorial to him in the town cemetry. After 30 minutes walk in hot sun today, I found the place. There, amongst the graves and headstones was a small bronze plaque, festooned with guitar picks, flowers, a badge or two, vodka bottle tops, and a drawing by a 7 year old fan. I'd taken a 4 pack of cold Jack Daniels and coke cans. One was drunk on the way there, another on the walk back. I sunk the third in his honour as I stood there. The last one I left unopened, and in the shade next to the plaque. If Hell ain't such a bad place to be, Bon, then have a drink on us dude, from your fans in Croydon and the UK. Adeos til next month. Geoff.

his is an attempt to locate my sister Rosslyn (see picture), who was last heard from in New South Wales, Australia on Nov 6th. She is known to have recently visited Gerringong, Figtree and Kiama. Ross decided to escape Croydon to travel 18 months ago, remaining in contact with friends and family throughout that time, via phone, text and email. However she has not been in touch with her family before or during the Christmas period, and going forward into the New Year. The British police have been informed and she is officially registered missing in Australia. My sister is 5ft 1in tall, blonde haired with blue eyes and fair skin. She

was originally from Croydon, but spent time in Runcorn, so speaks with a slightly scouse accent, disguised now by her time spent in Croydon and London, working for the Home Office. She is an Everton (and Duncan Ferguson) fan. Rosslyn is a popular and vibrant young woman, who loves life and always has time for her friends. I am her only sibling. Rosslyn initially went to Australia on a working visa, taking a number of jobs throughout her initial stay, including waitressing and working in an Immigration-related Travel Agency in Brisbane. Her intention on finishing her time in Australia was to travel to New Zealand but she is not recorded by the Foreign Office as having entered the

country. If you have recently spent time in Australia, particularly along the New South Wales coast, are planning to visit, or have friends/family out there, please give them these details or ask them to carry a photo. If you know of anything or anyone that can help, please contact me by the following means, or call the Police. theresatheteaser@hotmail.com Facebook groups: ‘Theresa’ ‘Have you seen Ros Emerson?’ Thanks Theresa Emerson

This month sees the beginning of Lent, an important time of the year, so I, as your favourite Croydon astrologer cum celebrity, would respectfully ask for your acceptance of me sharing insight into these times with you. There are key dates within Lent, the period that signifies the 40 days that Jesus spent sitting in a desert, which nobody should be ignorant of. Thanks. Aries

Mar 21-Apr 20

Taurus Apr 21-May 20 Ash Wednesday happens on the 25th February this year and denotes the first day of Lent. It gets its name from the placing of some ash, mixed with oil, on peoples heads by a clergyman, as a sign of repentance. I stuck some ash on a mates head once for a laugh while he was asleep and the weird thing is that when he woke up and looked in the mirror he said: “Jesus Christ, what the f**k is that on my bonce?” Not sure if I repented or anything but I suppose if you’re reading this now Bazza, sorry geez. Seriously though, oil and ash on the head is really not big and it’s not clever so if some robed old man asks if he can do it to you, run away, fast (especially if he asks you in the underpass). Gemini May 21-Jun 21 Of course, the day before Ash Wednesday (see Taurus) is Shrove Tuesday, or Crepe Day, if you’re French. It’s not abundantly clear why pancakes are linked to Lent, but I did some research and found out that because Lent is about fasting, a pancake uses up lots of rich foodstuffs, so it’s like, handy or something. Weirdly enough, when I was In the Canadian province of Newfoundland, back in 1924 I think, they actually put household items like rings, thimbles, thread, coins etc in the pancake mix and then serve it up to the family. We told the Police when they arrived that we think Aunt Alice must have got the razor blade. Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 Unfortunately Libra you get the short straw of insight this month because it happens that you get Palm Sunday and everyone knows about that. It signifies the day when the bearded one came back and everyone gave him five, on the palm, for doing his dessert thing (see Virgo).

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Mothering Sunday, contrary to popular belief, is not about being nice to your Mother, it historically marks the halfway point in Lent, which, if you’ve read the intro is the theme of these signs. It is the time when people go back to their “Mother Church” for a service, sometimes referred to as going amothering. Me and a few mates decided to go a-mothering last Friday night up town, but I guess what with the passing of time for us it is a-milfing. Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 So as we know, this month is all about Lent (you know, the 40 day Brian Jesus getting lost in a desert thing), your lesson being on the 5th Sunday in Lent, called Passion Sunday. Passiontide is the name given to the final two weeks of Lent and coincidentally the name of the horse I backed in the 2.45 at Pontefract last weekend. Yeah, lost by a nose, but then who would’ve thought Pinocchio would make such a career move? Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 In my experience Virgo is usually the sign of the stupid, so I’ll explain further about the intro and the whole Lent thing. Basically some bloke called Jesus H Christ went and sat in a dessert for 40 days, accompanied by Norris McWhirter. Certain countries, faiths religions or whatever argue about the dessert, Italians say Tiramisu, the English a trifle, but the point is he did it and we should celebrate his achievement. I think he appeared on “The Word” as well but don’t quote me on that. Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 Perhaps one of the lesser known days of Lent, is Spy Wednesday, the last Wednesday before Easter. I think this one refers to the first day that Judas (a bit like Jesus only badder), mugged off the Jesus dude by selling him some stuff for 30 silver coins. This is the first recorded drug deal and to be honest, if Jesus was looking for some gear and he’s supposed to be the good guy, I for one am glad Judas done him over by giving him Sanhedrine, which as we all know is the latter day version of Ibuprofen. 52

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 Following oooh, around about 24 hours from Spy Wednesday (see Scorpio), is of course good old Maundy Thursday. This is the day where I gather Jesus washed his feet and then got a take-away for him and twelve of his crew. Oh, and they also had some wine although again, different religions have different theories on this (see Virgo). The Italians claim that they opted for a nice Chianti for example, whereas the Germans think the big J fella opted for a blue nun. Or was that the stripper? I can’t remember exactly but basically Maundy Thursday is a day for the boys. Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Now, lucky Capricorn as you seem to have gotten Good Friday which means there’s at least four days this month where you do alright. Good Friday is of course to do with the crucifixion and as such should not be used as a route to comedy. What I would say though is that not many people realise that the guy who interrogated Jesus, one Pontius Pilate, was apparently very focused on the core postural muscles which help keep the body balanced and which are essential to providing support for the spine.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 The last day of Lent, which is the theme if you haven’t noticed or read any of the other star signs, is Easter Sunday. This is the day when Jesus is thought to have reappeared after a couple of days playing hide and seek with Ian Brown and the Stone Roses – hence them singing I am the resurrection for a laugh when he came out. Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 So, to précis this whole Lent thing (see all star signs), Jesus was in a desert and was I think tempted by Stan. I’m guessing this was Stan Laurel but you form your own opinion. No, wait a minute; that might be a misprint. Who’s Satan?