Sport psychology
Laura King’s Tips for Trainers to Overcome Grief and Anxiety and Help Their Students Do the Same By Laura King, CHt, NLP & Life Coach
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ife is uncertain for trainers and their students. We feel fearful. We feel anxious. We are going through a grieving process. Take this opportunity to be the conduit of calm for your students. Let them know you are indispensably available for them. When Tony Robbins asked Nelson Mandela how he survived 27 years in prison, he replied, “Oh I wasn’t surviving, I was preparing.” Let’s not just survive; let’s prepare!
That’s my challenge for you as a trainer. Are you complaining? Binge watching? Eating or drinking too much? I get it. We ALL get it. Every one of us has experienced loss. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, loss of security, loss of freedom to move about, or loss of control, it’s now a part of our lives. It’s inevitable that your journey through the stages of grief (anger, denial, depression, bargaining and acceptance) will be littered with potholes. Give yourself time to process. The journey largely depends on your attitude. You are stronger than you think. You can get through this. You may need to cry, scream or punch a pillow. It’s normal to feel terrible and it’s healthy to acknowledge that you do feel terrible. What is abnormal is to refuse to feel anything or to squelch feelings as soon as they arise. Numbness and emptiness may be a part of your process, but they are different than working against feelings that arise. Whatever surfaces, feel it. Honor it. Sing about it. Sob over it, but don’t busy yourself to avoid your emotions. Be still and allow yourself the space and time to grieve. Your journey through grief will help you refocus your life’s energies toward the future. So, value your feelings and be kind to yourself. Here are some tips and reminders to help you though this emotional time: 22
Summer 2020 | Riding Instructor
• Avoid making major decisions. Make
only those decisions that are absolutely necessary right now, because stress may not be allowing your brain to function properly. If you must make a decision, try to make it in the mornings when you are fresh. • Emptiness and numbness are normal.
Recognize these feelings and acknowledge them as perfectly appropriate. • The path of your journey through grief is
littered with potholes, rocks and, sometimes, boulders. Some days will be easy. You may even think you are through the worst, and then something will trigger overwhelming grief once again. Each time you overcome these stumbling blocks, your heart will heal a little more as you find inner peace. • Remember you are still alive. Life is a
gift. Don’t shrink to a depressed observer. Participate in and honor your life from the space you are in. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, this journey is a testament to your inner strength and your courage. • Steady as you go. Grief work is emotional
reorganization. • Release feelings of guilt.
And then, let’s turn this experience into
a positive. What are you doing today to prepare for the new normal? Can you learn a new skill? Check out inspiring YouTube videos of your equestrian idols or learn how to take better photos or videos of your sale horses. How about reading a self-help book? I suggest The Coffee Bean: A Simple Lesson to Create Positive Change by Jon Gordon and Damon West. What about staying fit and active? There are lots of exercises available online. Google “free 7-minute workout app,” or “equestrian workout,” or “yoga for equestrians.” How about inviting the barn gang to a zoom workout together? Helping your students by being a force of positive change and information is the way to prepare for their future and yours as their trainer. Make yourself indispensable to them as a friend, a cheerleader and a steady beacon of understanding in these uncertain times. Yes, you are sad and lonely and scared and so are they. Be their friend and reach out to them. Let them know you care and that we can get through this together. Email them exercises they can do at home. Send them that URL to the inspiring YouTube video. If they aren’t able to come to the barn and see their horses, send photos or videos to keep them feeling connected. Deconstruct an exercise such as the
