Women's Biz Magazine
Improving Impact, Connection, and Relationships Through Better Conversations By Sara Sheehan
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eturning home from holidays, with tons of conversations with friends and loved ones, we have an opportunity to take a step back and look at the conversations we had and understand at a deeper level where we might be able to improve our impact, connection, and deepen our relationships. Let’s take a closer look at some basics on how the ladder of conclusions can derail us (Source: Judith E. Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence), the impact of higher-level conversations, and how active listening can provide a better outcome.
The Ladder of Conclusions When you are in a conversation, you can get on a ladder of conclusions where you keep moving up the rungs of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and underlying meaning with each exchange. You may find that tension is rising within the conversation with the other person. There also may be interpretations or assumptions 46 | WOMENSBIZGLOBAL.COM
at play. To change the tone of the conversation, you will need to find a way to move the conversation down the ladder of conclusions. Moving down the ladder of conclusions can be accomplished in five simple steps: 1. Connect with the other person by saying you want to ‘process’ the conversation itself so that you end up with a healthier and stronger relationship. 2. Share stories between the two of you. Allow each person to share your stories about the conversation, including the thoughts and beliefs you experienced on the ladder. The key here is to listen without judgment. 3. Discover the impact the situation had on each other. 4. Discover the ripple effect it has on others. 5. Partner with the other person on your actions and commitments for a better outcome.
The benchmarks of a partnering conversation mean that true listening is occurring on each side. It means that participants are observant, take responsibility for their actions, and seek others' input or opinions. The conversation is engaging for both parties and seeks win-win solutions that merge ideas or create new solutions jointly. It’s a highly creative and energetic conversation.
Transformational Conversations Judith E. Glaser characterized conversations on three levels: transactional, positional, and transformational conversations. The higher-level conversations are not only more productive, but they also have deeper and more meaningful outcomes. They produce more oxytocin in our brains and make us feel better. In these conversations, we are listening to connect without judgment.
