etiquette
ANSWERS
Q&A
Wedding
Straight talk, smart solutions by Mary Clarke, Editor in Chief
Q
I’m getting married at the end of January and am concerned that with all the holiday activities beforehand our invitations will get lost in the shuffle, and people will neglect to respond. How can I make sure this doesn’t happen?
A
Get your invites out early! No one has ever complained about receiving wedding invitations too soon—in fact, it’s really a courtesy, since it gives guests more time to plan. I’d make sure your invitations are in mailboxes by December 1 and give an R.S.V.P. deadline of just after the first of the year and at least two weeks before your wedding date. This way, if you do have to make follow-up calls and send emails, you’ll have the time to do so. If yours is a destination wedding, send out save-the-date notices six months before the wedding and invitations four months before the big day. WORKPLACE INVITES
Q
We don’t have enough in our budget to include all of my coworkers but I’d like to invite some of them. How can I do this without offending anyone?
A
Where to begin? With your boss. As a courtesy, you should definitely include your immediate supervisor and your assistant if you have one. If you’ve been working (in person or virtually) with a regular crowd and feel close to them then you pretty much have to go the all-or-nothing route to avoid hurt feelings. If you have a groups of people reporting to you (say you’re head of a department), you have two options: Invite all of them, or just the most senior members of the group.
MENU MATTERS
Q
My son’s fiancé is vegan and wants to have an all-vegan menu at their wedding. Is this a good idea?
A
Not everyone is a strict vegan, so a better option would be to offer a varied menu that include vegan dishes—the couple can even have a delectable vegan cake. They should also place an insert in the wedding invitation asking guests if they have any special dietary requirements (gluten-free, kosher) and then ask their caterer to prepare appropriate dishes if need be. THANK-YOU TIP
Q
A friend suggested we send preprinted thank-you notes (along with a wedding photo) to ease the task of responding to all the gifts. Is this appropriate?
A
Only a handwritten personal message from you and your new spouse will do. Send out your thank-you notes within three months of the wedding and be sure to include a reference to the specific gift. If you receive any gifts before the big day send your thankyou notes out immediately to avoid a backlog. And while a photo is a nice memento, it’s not necessary to include one. BRIDAL PARTY TOO BIG?
Q
How many attendants are considered too many? I have tons of friends and can’t make up my mind about who to include.
A
You can have a few as one (maid or matron of honor) or as many as 12.
But just know that a large number of attendants usually means more money spent (thank-you gifts, bouquets) and more planning stress. Coordinating the schedules and attire for a big group is challenging, which is why most wedding parties average four to six bridesmaids. Although it’s hard to narrow down your choices keep in mind that you can also give honored roles to friends that won’t be attendants. Ask them to do a reading, recite a special prayer or blessing and, if they’re musically talented, sing a song or play an instrument during the ceremony. DANCE DILEMMA
Q
At my daughter’s wedding, am I expected to dance with my ex-husband after the father/daughter and mother/son dances? I’ve remarried and would not want my current husband to feel slighted.
A
It’s considerate of you to ask. No, you’re not expected to dance with your ex-husband. When the parents are called to the dance floor, your partner can be your new husband and your ex can dance with his date or wife (if he’s remarried as well). ››› Go to bridalguide.com/QA for more etiquette advice. And send your planning questions to us at mail@bridalguide.com.
PHOTOGRAPHY:MICHAEL AND CARINA PHOTOGRAPHY
R.S.V.P. PLEASE
