Let's Help These Poor Movie Stars

By Jack Dionne

For reveral yeare I have been advocating two conctitutional arnendments that I belierre would add much to the honor and glory of this nation. Many of our readere have heard me plead theae cases. Teraely given, I favor two reparate and dirtinct proporitionr.

First.-I want to trade the Philippiner for lreland, believing that a big country like thie ought to raise its own policemen.

Second.-I want to make it obligatory that bowlegged people marry knock-kneed people-and vice vs1s3-i1'3 time we got thingr straightened out in thir country.

Now I've got a third. It irn't a natioaal problern, but one t'hat appeals particularly to Southern California" Much of the publicity that har come to Southern California in the lart few yearr has been due to the fact that here the Movie Indurtry har made itr generd office, and here the Movie Starr have largely made their homea

For all thir mighty publicity, California ow6 a debt of gratitude to the movie folkr, and it eeemr to me that they should in part at lea.ct repay this debt by removing rome of the shackler that cling to the Movie Stara, thereby making their lives brighter and happier, and removing one of the big worrier that cometimea interferer with the qudity of their wor,k, and the development of their geniur.

I epeak of the divorce rituation. I think it entirely unjurt and unfair and it rhould be unnecerary, for the Movie Stars to have to keep continually and eternally going into thore vile and common courtr to have their maritial tier digolved and dinevered.

You have no idea how wearing it is on their nenves to have to rtep down every two or three weekr and go through a lot of embartarement, worry, and red tape, jurt to get rid of a surplus man or woman.

Really, you know, it gets most awfully on their nerve!, and sometirner practically rurfitr them for ttreir screen activitier. With ordinary people this might be of emall moment, but in ertirtic work like rcreen rtardom demandr, one must be at onec beet.

Thintr of the geniur required to follow the directionc: "WaIk in brisklv, advance to center of roorq smile at lady, ,kiar her hand, be seated dongride of her, regirter admiration, get up, take three rtepr to tlre left, note with surprire the picture on the table, etc., etc., etc." Thatts art! One cantt give onets soul to the.part, when mentally hararsed, or wondening whether to announce one'l engagenrent before that dow-moving court grant! that ridiculour divorce from that lart home sparrins partner.

It irn't right Genius should not be clouded or impeded in any such farhion.

So I have worked out a plan that will eliminate thir aggravating rituation. I rugge* that the State, for a certain lum of moneg lay one thouurnd dollarr, iuue to the Movie Stan divorce punch-out cardr, like they do for mealr at boarding hourec. Every time the owner wantr a divorce he rtepr down to the County Clerk and hac one of the twelve numberg on the card punched, the name of the dieaolving partiee ir written plainly in ink on the back of the card, and the thing is rettled. No worry. No lawyer. The State getr the money that ir usually warted on court divorcer; the manacl€a are stricken from the wrirta of genius, and a great work is done for humanity.

Have I a tecond to thie motion?