IN THE ABSENCE OF AN ANTIVIRAL INOCULATION, AUSTRALIANS have taken to hoarding toilet tissue to ward off the coronavirus. I have been struggling to make the connection, so I decided to do a bit of research. It turns out this is not the first time in history that a link has been made between killer germs and the availability of tissues. We all know the old children’s nursery rhyme Ring a-ring o' roses,, A pocketful of posies. A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down! Many historians say that the lyrics in this ditty allude to the Great Plague of 1666 - the deadly disease that swept across Europe and killed many millions of people. “Ring o’ roses” refers to a red circular rash common in some forms of the plague; “posies” were the different flowers and herbs people carried to ward off disease; “a-tishoo” and falling down mimic sneezing and eventually dying from the disease. Disposable paper tissues got their name from this description of a sneeze. The history of using paper for toilet hygiene goes back even further. The Chinese began mass producing toilet paper in the 14th century. China is now the largest manufacturer of tissues, toilet tissues and disposable medical masks for the global market. Their biggest producers are located in Hubei Province – whose capital, Wuhan, is now infamous as the original source of the coronavirus. Are you starting to see some connections? Maybe there is some logic behind the bulk buying after all. As the panic continues, there are a few steps you can take to prepare. Firstly, carefully check the manufacturer details for any masks, tissues or toilet paper you purchase. If it says the Hubei Province I would give it a wide berth. Secondly, as supplies dry up, think about alternatives. I know we all love our Sorbent – it has been a favourite downunder for over 60 years. But before modern commercial toilet paper was perfected, and well before the recycling and sustainability practices we now adopt, people used old newspapers and cheap editions of paperbacks for cleansing. School kids in the 70’s even created their own version of the famous Sorbent toilet tissue advertising jingle, which eerily might have predicted the current state of affairs. What’s the gentlest tissue, In the bathroom you can issue? New-new-new-newspaper. It may be irritating, But you can read it while you’re waiting. Newspaper from your favourite store. Now, you can’t do that with a digital subscription! I’ve got a few dud books in my study, along with the weekend edition of the Australian, that I could keep handy for an emergency. Check for your own emergency supplies, but please, the Byron Bazaar is not suitable, no matter how desperate or chilled you may be! Tony, Byron Bazaar
This week's recommendation
ALBUM TITLE: Hotspot ARTIST: Pet Shop Boys RELEASED: Jan 2020 GENRE: EDM, Synth-Pop, New Wave BIO: The Pet Shop Boys' career took off in 1981. The
duo's hits include West End Girls; Go West and the cover of the classic Always on My Mind. Forever stylish and experimental, this is their 14th album. It was created in the progressive city of Berlin.
WHAT TO EXPECT: Not so familiar with the PSB? Think
80's synth-pop classics like Tainted Love, with New Order's punk dance Blue Monday and Madonna's Vogue. Throw in some 2020 dance-friendly produced tracks with some catchy lyrics and you’ll get the vibe.
WHAT WE LIKE: The melting pot of synth-pop beats and meaningful lyrics brings emotion and energy together, along with a few slower moments. The pioneering PSB music is fresh and forever pushing boundaries after 39 years in the game. Having a party and turning up the music never goes out of fashion and on the disco fused Monkey business that is sung true "Bring me margaritas / Champagne and red wine / We're gonna have a party / Where we all cross the line". On the final track, Mendelssohn's Wedding March (yeah, that classical piece brides traditionally walk the aisle too), is used to masterful effect on the techno banger Wedding in Berlin, that celebrates both same-sex and LGBTI marriage. It’s an astute, progressive release for 2020 awaiting discovery by Petheads and new fans alike. STANDOUT TRACKS: Happy people, Monkey business, Wedding in Berlin
PERFECT FOR: Art on the dancefloor. The thinking person's night out. Youth not being a number. LISTEN IN IF YOU LIKE: Presets, RÜFÜS DU SOL, Soft
Cell, Killers.
Recommended by Dan McGill.
BYRON BAZAAR
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