Cw issue 893

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Issue 893 13th March - 19th March 2015

More euros!

More money!

More woes?

Inside this week...

TENERIFE’S British pensioners, and holiday-makers planning a trip to the Island, will be rejoicing this week as the pound reached a seven-year high - and more - against the euro.

Continued on page 3.

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13th March - 19th March 2015

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Strengthening Pound pleases our pensioners Continued from front.

Sterling rose 1.5% to hit 1.425 euros for the first time since December 2007, although profittaking on Thursday saw the number retreat a little to 1.404 euros. But it still means that UK holiday-makers to the eurozone will have nearly 18% more spending power than a year ago.

And UK old folk, who switch their pensions to Tenerife each month, will be wearing the widest smile of all!

City analysts said that continued fears over a Greek exit from the eurozone had also helped push the pound higher against the single currency.

But not everyone will be smiling. Imports will now be substantially higher and, as an island, we bring in lots of goods from the UK. The average weekly shopping bill could rise 10% in the coming months, with flights substantially more expensive for those travelling with UK-based aircraft companies. And a UK holiday could now be beyond the pocket of many Tenerife residents.

Last year, the pound was trading at 1.20, which meant that holiday-makers could expect 118 euros for every £100 exchanged.

And whereas UK holiday-makers to Europe would have received 7 0 7

euros for every £600 they exchanged a year ago, they will get a mammoth 850 euros today.

The rise in sterling is down to a number of factors, the biggest of which came after the head of the eurozone finance ministers’ group called on Greece to “stop wasting time” and engage in serious talks on reform.

At Monday’s Brussels meeting, Dutch Finance Minister Jeroen Dijsselbloem said there had been little progress made since discussions two weeks ago.

And European creditors want to approve a detailed list of reforms before they release any loans to Greece.

Jeremy Cook, chief economist and head of currency strategy at foreign exchange traders World First, said that alongside concerns over Greece, the ECB’s bondbuying programme and negative bank-deposit interest rates were “hammering” the single currency.

The ECB began its 60bn-euro (£42.8bn) monthly bondbuy-

ing programme on Monday. And on Tuesday, sterling rose as high as 1.4238 euros - up more than 1.5%.

The ECB President Mario Draghi, announcing the start of the programme last week, said the bank would continue to buy bonds into the second half of 2016.

But he kept the door open to continuing the programme past this deadline, should inflation in the eurozone have failed to return to near normal levels.

The ECB has a remit to keep inflation at or slightly below 2%. But persistent low inflation

throughout 2014 stoked fears that the currency bloc could fall into deflation as consumers held off spending, and businesses postponed investment as the price fell.

Mr Draghi expects domestic demand to improve over the course of the year, as the effects of the bond-buying programme begin to be felt, and that demand for European exports will increase “as prices become more competitive”, thanks to a weaker euro.

He also expects the lower oil price to be helpful over the next few months.

The ECB last week raised its forecast for eurozone economic growth to 1.5% in 2015 from its previous December forecast of 1%. It upped its forecast for economic growth as well, to 1.9% in 2016 and to 2.1% the following year.

Also last week, official figures confirmed that the eurozone economy grew by 0.9% in 2014 and The UK trade deficit narrowed significantly in January.

Figures released by the Office for National Statistics yesterday (Thursday) revealed that the deficit was down to just £616m in January from December’s five-year high of £2.1bn.

The large decrease in imports was mainly because of a £1.3bn fall in the imports of fuels, specifically oil. Imports of oil were £2.2bn in January, which was their lowest level since May 2009.

The Euros woe with the pound is being mirrored across the Atlantic.

This week, it fell to $1.0560 - its lowest level

in 12 years. In fact, the value of the euro has fallen 22.4% since July, when a euro was worth $1.37.

And many experts believe the slide will continue, with analysts believing there will be a euro-dollar parity before the Summer. The pain for the fallen currency is affecting the financial recovery in many European countries. And while Spain is doing rather well, the weak currency has taken the edge off the improvements.

There is a strong possibility that Greece will leave the Euro, and this would strengthen the currency, but there are also political elections over the next few months which will slow the markets.

A Conservative victory, or a coalition led by David Cameron with George Osborne as Chancellor, would see the pound strengthening. Also, a defeat for Mariano Rajoy in the Spanish elections would hit the Euro hard because the opposition parties are vowing a spending spree.

So a return to the heady, early days of the Millennium, when the rate was close to 1.62 euros to the pound, could return this summer … and bring a smile to many a tourist and pensioner’s face!

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La Palma crops battered LA PALMA seems to have suffered most from the gale-force winds which battered the Canary Islands last weekend.

The high winds damaged important farm areas and devastated the important fruit crop. In total, it is believed that 50% of the expected banana crop has been

lost, while 70% of the avocado harvest was destroyed.

And in Los Llanos, the entire crop of avocados in the areas were affected. The Agencies Agricultural reported that the whole island experienced severe defoliation, yet the storm alone wasn’t to blame.

Unusually low temperatures this winter have already made plant development difficult, and the storm ruined what good volumes had

been produced. In the North-west region, the banana plantations suffered severe defoliation in the upper half of the leaves. The wind was more intense in the Amagar and Tijarafe coast, where between 30 and 40% of plants were lost.

The cultivation of avocados was also affected in La Palma. Plots with a harvesting potential have decreased by 30%, while the damage affected 60% of crops in

the Valley of Aridane.

Owners of the island’s leading banana plantations, in El Remo and Las Hoyas, along with La Laguna, Todoque and Los Llanos reported that they had lost over half their harvest.

José Basilio Pérez, Minister of Agriculture, said: “This is very worrying, and is another setback after the strong

winds in January and February, which had already affected the agricultural sector.”

Last weekend’s gusts reached 129mph at the Meteorological Agency (AEMET) station based in Tijarafe, on the west of the island.

José Basilio Pérez added: “People need to remember the loss and the knock-on effect this

has in the community.

Some sectors do not have group insurance against such types of weather.

“But we have to ensure that the various insurances placed are collected quickly, and that payment for damages reaches those who need it as soon as possible to alleviate, somehow, the effects of this storm.”

E-cars hit the capital’s streets

X still hits the spot

TENERIFE Tourism has a brandnew slogan and a slightly different logo. There is a redesign of its traditional “X” logo to accommodate the Island’s new slogan.

The “100% Life” motto will replace the previous “Enjoy it all”, along with a more rounded shape of the word “Tenerife”. Cabildo President Carlos Alonso, accompanied at the launch of the new branding by Tenerife Tourism President Miguel Ángel Santos, said: “This is not a ‘brand revolution’ but a ‘brand redesign’.

“The specialisation and segmentation are reflected not only in the new positioning of the Island but also in its vis-

SANTA Cruz is booming as a cruise-ship destination - and a small untapped market is being opened up.

ual identity.” The “Enjoy it all” slogan has been in use for over a decade and, according to Alonso, the slogan and logo needed a makeover to reflect the speciality of the brand in an everincreasing, competitive market.

Alonso added: “100% Life” combines all the

elements which make Tenerife a unique destination - the Island’s pleasant weather; the beauty and diversity of its natural landscapes; the friendliness of the islanders; and the dedication of all professionals who help visitors have an unforgettable experience on Tenerife.”

Day-trippers to Tenerife’s capital have found it hard to get around the city to explore the delights on offer properly.

A single day’s car rental is expensive for just a few hours, and then there are the obvious navigation woes.

Santa Cruz is not the biggest of places, but even the locals can get lost in the city’s confusing road network.

But all that is about to change after the unveiling of a fleet of electric car rentals! These mini-delights are fitted with GPS and are being offered specifically to cruise passengers.

Cabildo President Carlos Alonso and Santa Cruz Mayor Jose Manuel Bermúdez road-tested one of the 20-strong fleet of electric vehicles this week.

The innovative E-cars incorporate an exclusive software application, with 10 routes and 109 points of interest in Santa Cruz and La Laguna via a GPS navigation system.

According to the manufacturer, this is an in-

novative tourism tool, with the latest technology for high efficiency and zero fuel emissions.

The project has the support of the Cabildo, and hotels’ association Ashotel, covering Tenerife, La Palma, La Gomera and El Hierro.

The fleet will be based in the port, where the E-cars will be recharging electrically, and hire services will be offered by the hour.

And these little vehicles are nippy. The two-seaters can achieve a maximum speed of 85mph, with a power range of 100km, which is more than enough for a few hours of urban driving.

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Ring road opens soon TENERIFE’S TF-1 ring road will be completed by the start of the summer season, despite a couple of teething problems.

The first section of the final stretch will be open by mid-April, although there is a chance that it could get the green light for traffic in time for Easter.

The section between Vera and Chío Erques will be operational at the end of the month while the Bicho tunnel will take a further fortnight. This is because a few repairs are needed and, once completed, it will see the first section of the insular ring open.

Cabildo President Carlos Alonso, and José Luis Delgado the Minister of Roads, inspected the latest works this week and were pleased with the progress made.

Experts checking on the Bicho tunnel found a few cracks - not uncommon in such a project - which need repairing.

And after a meeting last

week with the Ministry of Public Works Tenerife Cabildo yesterday decided to open on schedule the stretch running between Vera Erques and Chío.

Once open, work will then begin on the tunnel.

Carlos Alonso said: “We are on course for the opening, but we do have a couple of things to sort out. There is an alternative if the repairs over-run, which would see one side of the tunnel opening on schedule.”

Delgado agreed that the option to open the finished tunnel first had been considered, saying: “The option of opening the two lanes in one tube, if we cannot get the work done in 15-or-so days, is the likely choice.”

Delgado revealed that one of the problems concerns the tunnel exit near Santiago del Teide. “There appears to be a series of cracks due to pipe water apparently not being properly diverted.”

This, said Alonso, “resulted in a little slip of land which has set us back a bit”.

On the plus side, Alonso confirmed: “By the end of July, we will have substantially completed our work on the Erques viaduct, which is the other part of the ‘trunk’ and connects the link to the TF1. This section will be open for the summer.”

Alonso also revealed that the council had contributed four million euros to this r o a d p r o ject.

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13th March - 19th March 2015

Beaches given a facelift

ADEJE beaches at Torviscas and La Enramada have been given have a new look and are fresher, more dynamic and right up to date.

A 600,000-euro investment, which includes a substantial contribution from the Costa Torviscas concession company, has provided improvements to the bathing and leisure zones.

Renovations were all carried out within the integrated reform plan for the borough.

The new-look beaches, viewed by Adeje Mayor José Miguel

of Torviscas and Enramada, bathing areas, which are very popular with both tourists and residents.”

He added: “Alongside cleaning and better integration of services, one of the most important matters is improving accessibility and excellent service presentation, as well as introducing technology elements which are helping develop the borough as an intelligent destination with global access.”

Sr Rondón said: “We are offering an integrated service to each and every tourist and resident, working to ensure that people come to the beaches, enjoy themselves, and return.”

Rodríguez Fraga, Miguel Ángel Rondón (Costa Torviscas) and Adeje Tourism Councillor Rafael Dolado García, are now fully accessible along wooden walkways.

And there are specific zones for those with reduced mobility, adapted bathrooms, sunbeds, wifi access, sporting areas, and a monitored area for children over three.

The Mayor said: “The business sector has shown an excellent level of dedication to the services they are providing for the beaches.

“We are working together to provide a regeneration and renewal of key points in the borough: the beaches

So far, solar, so good IT’S an plane, but not as we know them … and it could well be the sign of futuristic air travel as it spells out a “clean technologies” message!

This solar-powered plane, with a 72-metre wingspan, this week began a record-breaking attempt to fly around the world, starting from Abu Dhabi.

The aircraft, Solar Impulse-2, took off from the Emirate country, heading east to Muscat in Oman. And during the next five months, it will skip from continent to continent, crossing both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans in the process.

Andre Borschberg was at the controls of the single-seater as it took off at 3.12am our time on a 12-hour, first-leg flight to Muscat in Oman.

He is sharing the pilot duties with fellow Swiss, Bertrand Piccard, operating from a tiny cockpit no bigger than an old-fashioned British telephone box.

They plan to stop off at various locations around the globe, to rest and to carry out maintenance, while campaigning for clean,

green technology.

Borschberg told BBC News before take-off: “I am confident we have a very special aeroplane, and it will have to be to get us across the big oceans.

“We may have to fly for five days and five nights to do that, and it will be a challenge. But we have the next two months - as we fly the legs to China - to train and prepare ourselves.”

Monday’s leg to Oman covered about 400km, and details of the journey relayed on the internet. The Solar Impulse project has already set a number of world records for solar-powered flight, including a highprofile transit of the US in 2013.

But this round-the-

world venture is far more dramatic and daunting, requiring the construction of an even bigger plane than the prototype, Solar Impulse-1.

This new model’s wingspan is even wider than a 747 jumbo jet, yet it weighs only 2.3 tonnes. And this light weight will be critical to its success.

So, too, will the performance of the 17,000 solar cells lining the top of the wings, and the energy-dense lithiumion batteries it will use to sustain night-time flying.

Operating through darkness will be particularly important when the men have to cross the Pacific and the Atlantic.

The slow speed of their prop-driven plane means that these legs will take several days and nights of non-stop flying to complete.

Piccard and Borschberg - whoever is at the controls - will have to stay alert for nearly all of the time they are airborne.

They will be permitted 20-minute catnaps only, just as a single-handed, round-the-world yachtsman would catch small periods of sleep.

They will also have to endure the physical discomfort of being confined in their tiny cockpit, occupying just 3.8 cubic metres.

Flight simulators have helped the pilots to prepare, and each man has developed his own regimen to cope.

Borschberg will use yoga to try to stay fresh, while Piccard is relying on self-hypnosis techniques.

But Piccard said. “My passion also will keep me going. I had this dream 16 years ago of flying around the world without fuel, just on solar power. Now, we’re about to do it. The passion is there and I look forward so much to being in the cockpit.”

The two men have plenty of background support through their a well-drilled support

team. And though the mission will be run out of a control room in Monaco, a group of engineers will follow the plane around the globe.

The pilots have a mobile hangar to house the plane when it is not in the air. But for all the planning, Solar Impulse is not a certainty to make it.

Computer modelling suggests the ocean crossings are feasible, given the right weather conditions. But that same modelling has also shown that there might be occasions when the team simply must sit tight on the ground for weeks before a fair window opens.

Raymond Clerc, mission director, said: “Last year, we had a very good exercise. We went around the world virtually, but with actual conditions.

“For the Pacific crossing, it was an easy decision. We had a very good window on 2nd May. But when we were on the East Coast of the US, we had to look to cross the Atlantic and had to wait 30 days to find a good window,” he told BBC News. “And then it was easy - 3.5 days and we were in Seville,Spain.”

Should the pilots come unstuck over the Pacific or the Atlantic, they will bail out and use ocean-

survival gear until they can be picked up by a ship.

Borschberg, a trained engineer and former air-force pilot, has built a career as an entrepreneur in internet technologies,while Piccardis renowned for his ballooning exploits.

Along with Brian Jones, he completed the first non-stop, circumnavigation of the world in 1999, using the Breitling Orbiter 3 balloon.

The Piccard name is synonymous with pushing boundaries.

Bertrand’s father, Jacques Piccard, was the first to reach the deepest place in the ocean - a feat achieved with Don Walsh in the Trieste bathyscaphe in 1960.

And in 1931, his grandfather, Auguste Piccard, was the first person to take a balloon into the stratosphere.

This really is a solar revolution, a deepbreath moment in the history of technology as Solar Impulse soars along. That’s because solar power is predicted to become the dominant global source of electricity by 2050.

The price of solar electric panels has fallen 70% in recent years, and costs are expected to be 50% less again this decade.

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Letters

13th March - 19th March 2015

Sex workers might be able to go on the dole

The editor says...

Email: editor@canarianweekly.com

Clarkson story is no bomb shell YOU know it’s a quiet news week when the news agenda is dominated by the suspension of a TV presenter.

I couldn’t really give two hoots as to what happens to him. I’m sure the multi-millionaire will survive. He is out of contract in a few weeks, his boss wants him out, while other broadcasters will fall over themselves to snap him up.

Jeremy Clarkson is like Marmite, and the arguments on both sides are at times pathetic.

He is fine writer, and I tip my hat for what he has achieved. How he managed to turn a boring show about cars, of all things, into a worldwide phenomenon is a work of genius.

He has made his paymasters, like himself, very rich.

And it could be argued that he is just the latest victim of being a bloke. Eric Bristow told me not so long

ago about how horrendously he was portrayed when he was in the ‘Jungle’ and Jimmy Bullard in the same show got canned for “being a lad”. It seems that “Banter” is turning into a PC naughty word.

And part of the Clarkson attraction is the fact that he is very unPC. There is a market for that. But there is also a market for those who like the humour of Jim Davidson.

I know a few people who have come across Clarkson, and it would be safe to say that they all have the same opinion. I will grant you that life is not a popularity contest, but if the stories coming out of the camp are true, then I fail to see how Clarkson can remain at Top Gear - even if he wanted to return.

In our heart of hearts we all knew this would happen.

Punching Piers Morgan is one thing, punching a coworker is something else. And on that bombshell...

Tel: 902 232 102 info@canarianweekly.com Publisher, proprietor and Editor: MES ONCE SL Depósito Legal TF 1209/97 CIF: B- 38753802

PROSTITUTES operating in Spain could soon be entitled to labour rights - and they would be able to claim unemployment benefits if their work ever dried up.

That’s the ruling of Judge Juan Augustín Maragall, who maintained in a Barcelona court that they should be given contracts by brothel owners, who would pay social security contributions on their behalf.

But the Barcelona court’s decision is not final because it can be appealed to the Superior Court of Justice of

Catalonia. The civil court decision was arrived at after a massage parlour offering sex services in the city was raided by labour inspectors, who discovered three prostitutes working there.

The judge ruled that management violated the women’s rights and that the firm, Xcenter, would have to pay backdated National Insurance payments for the prostitutes from 2012.

The owner argued that the workers were autonomous and not officially employed. But the authorities deemed that as there was a working

relationship between employer and employee, it was a form of contract, so social security payments should be made.

The court ruled that prostitutes should be given the security of benefits, healthcare, pensions and unemployment payments to help safeguard them from being exploited.

The sex industry is booming as more women are turning to it - often in desperation - even amid Spain’s economic crisis.

And 39% of men there admit to having used the services of a prostitute.

Sex workers have even

been ordered to wear high-vis jackets when soliciting in Northern Spain to avoid road accidents.

Prostitution has been decriminalised in the country since 1995, but sex workers were not deemed to have had jobs and were not entitled to labour rights.

Incidentally the sex trade, which has always been legal in the Netherlands, is regulated under normal labour laws.

Self-employed prostitutes, who have their own union, must be registered with the Dutch government.

Your Emails

Garlic not so tasty THERE will be a marked reduction in Spain’s garlic acreage affecting all varieties, chiefly in Andalusia and Castile-La Mancha, the main producing regions.

Official figures have yet to be announced, but negative results over the last two seasons, caused by oversupply in the markets, have discouraged many growers, who have not even covered production costs.

The sector is hoping there will not be a repeat of last season’s, harvesting, when there were still large stocks from the previous year and growers were forced to sell the garlic at any price, which took its toll so early in the campaign.

In 2013, Spain exported about 70,000 tonnes of garlic at an average price at origin of 1.60 euros per kilo. Last year, around 100,000 tonnes were shipped, with prices between 2030 cents below that of the previous year.

While shipments have declined to distant destinations, such as Australia and South Africa, Spanish garlic is recovering market share in Brazil, where it had already exported about 7,000 tonnes of Spring garlic by the end of 2014.

That was partly because of the low prices even lower than that of Chinese produce, which has been affected by Brazil’s high tariffs.

And Spain has also imported less garlic in 2014 - about 3,000 tonnes - 50% of which came from China and the rest from Argentina, France and Chile.

Dear Editor, I returned to Ireland last month after spending my usual annual month in Tenerife - as always, very enjoyable. What wasn’t so enjoyable this year, however, was the proliferation of electric scooters.

They appear to be hired out willy-nilly to every age, from 10 upwards. Youngsters scoot about the place at high speed, and I’m sure many of them have no understanding of their own safety (no helmets), or that of pedestrians.

Can anyone tell me if the people who hire out the scooters, or the drivers, carry any form of insurance? I think it is only a matter of time before someone is hospitalised.

Who will be held liable for any damage incurred? Surely, some form of regularisation should be put in place because these machines could prove lethal.

I am aware that it is always quite dangerous, in any event, when walking along the promenades because of the speed of some ordinary cyclists.

Is it not possible to mark out a cycling lane (say two metres wide) on the proms, solely for cyclists? In any event, I think cyclists should take their chances on the road with other traffic.

I don’t know how many injuries are caused by cyclists or electric scooters running into people, but my observations this year make me think that the use on walkways by these vehicles will become a major problem.

Bernard Murphy

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Spain’s winning the wine war...

SPAIN, far from being the home of plonk, has outstripped France and Italy to become the world’s biggest wine exporter in 2014.

The country exported 22.8m hectolitres (equal to 133.3 bottles), much of which comprised bulk sales that offer tiny margins and perpetuate the image of Spanish wine simply being cheap.

Catalan wine-maker Miguel Torres says the industry’s future in Spain lies in higher quality and also organic wines, because the cheap and mid-range markets are already saturated.

Spain has outstripped France and Italy to become the world’s biggest wine exporter, exporting 22.8m hectolitres in 2014, a 22% rise on the previous year.

However, because much of it was bulk sales with small margins, the Spanish wine industry’s profits were down 2.2%.

France is now the biggest buyer of Spanish wines, importing and bottling - often as French wine - 5.8m hectolitres in 2014, which was 40% more than the previous year.

It is cheaper for the French to import the wine than to grow it themselves. The next biggest buyers after France were Germany, Portugal and Russia.

In many respects, the situation mirrors Spain’s olive oil industry. About 40% of Spanish production is exported in bulk to Italy, where it is rebottled and sold as estatebottled Italian olive oil.

Selling wine in bulk is

easy and cheap, but with small margins. which perpetuates the image of Spain as a “plonk” purveyor, even though several regions produce wine rated among the best in the world.

As with olive oil, it’s a problem of marketing and perception. Most good Spanish wine is little known outside Spain, let alone the region where it is produced.

Gerard Ventura, of the Jané Ventura bodega just south of Barcelona, says it is easier to find his wine in Berlin than in his home city, where people continue to buy rioja, even though Catalonia produces some of the finest reds in Europe.

Rioja is practically the only wine region with which non-Spaniards are familiar, although, like Bordeaux, it suffers from over-production.

Wine from the northern regions of Ribera del Duero and Navarra is not so widely known, mainly because the bodegas (wineries) do little to market their wines outside Spain.

Shortly after the Second World War, the Torres winery began producing branded wines to circumvent the stifling rules governing denominación de orígen, and to put a stop to bulk sales.

Torres, best known for Viña Sol wine, posted a 2014 sales rise of 5% to 240m euros, of which 70% was from bottled exports, rather than wine in bulk.

Managing Director Miguel Torres says the future lies in higher quality and also organic wines, because the cheap and mid-range markets are already saturated.

Adeje women unite in fight for equality ADEJE’S first Women’s Equality Assembly, held on International Women’s Day on Sunday in the CDTCA, attracted more than 500 females from various countries.

They included England, Ireland, Poland, Russia, Germany, the Sahara, France, India, Romania, Venezuela and Colombia.

It concluded with the formation and constitution of a Municipal Equality Council, charged to work alongside the borough’s public representatives to protect and promote equality principles.

Members will also do their best to influence bodies outside the borough at insular, regional and national level where necessary.

This new group came together after many months of preparation by those in the council in all departments, from education to health, sports, culture, economic development, seniors and social welfare.

Representatives from a series of women’s groups and collectives, and women from all parts of the borough, were out in force to support the meeting.

These working groups met a number of times in the months leading up to the event to discuss and examine

where they saw a need for change, or advancement to promote better equality for all.

They included women involved in sport, health matters, young women, LGBTI, the Muslim community and those from all the other countries mentioned.

The declaration, published in Spanish and English, was read by Adeje businesswoman Gloria Cabello, who hoped the day would come when there would be no need to celebrate International Women’s Day. Adeje Mayor José Miguel Rodriguez Fraga offered thanks all round, and confirmed that the Assembly was “another step in our commitment to Adeje

society to ensure that it is a fairer one, where everyone has the same opportunities”.

He added that the day’s events were not a “one-off”, nor the end of a process, but part of the ongoing work which will stop only when all the goals are reached.

The Mayor added: “Our promise is to support a progressive society of peace, equality and harmonious co-existence.

“Every day we are made aware that, throughout the world, we are still far away from the day when all women have the rights they are entitled to.”

The event ended with Patricia Chiquiar’s Zumba master-class.

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13th March - 19th March 2015

Crystal’s glittering opening!

CRYSTAL’S Palace opened its doors to a glitzy welcome at the weekend.

And the general feeling among devoted followers was: “And about time, too!”

Drag queen Miss Crystal Starr (“The shock in a frock”) responded to his fans’ pleas in the finest way possible way, following last year’s closure of The Wigan Pier Starco, his previous venue.

And if the reception she and The Patch venue received at Friday’s opening night and during Saturday’s official opening party was anything to go by, Miss Starr will be in residence for the duration!

Crystal admitted: “So many people moaned at me to ‘do something’ when the Wigan Pier closed that I felt honourbound to oblige, and this is the result. I’m delighted with it, and I’d like to thank everyone who has helped to get this place open.”

Among the singers performing on the two introductory nights were Darren Clynes, Diddy, Suzie Moore, Dee Daniels, Sebastian, Melinda G, Tanya Tavaro, Showbiz Ollie, Luke Carey, Andy Lynch, Lesley Presley, Jackie Peters and Matt Black.

As brightly as they shone, however, Crystal simply dazzled in her newly-refurbished sur-

roundings, on the former Flanagan’s Bar site, down the slope on The Patch.

Inside, there is a large seating capacity, with a seated terrace outside for the chatterers and smokers.

Crystal attracted a full house on both nights, and it’s fair to say that she will hardly have to drag in the fans from now on.

The King lives on!

ELVIS Presley impersonators are two a penny, but the man who actually knew the legend can certainly lay claim to being the best after two storming gigs in Los Cristianos.

Greg Miller, a hugelylikeable fella, won a new army of fans after a perfect weekend which saw him cruise the streets in an open-top car, signing autographs at shopping centres and even kissing babies!

Creventy Promotions are to be applauded for putting on such a world-class show, and they were rewarded with two sold-out gigs at the Los Cristianos Auditorium.

Greg dazzled with his two-hour performance

split into Fifties Elvis and Vegas Elvis. He was note-perfect during the 28-song set with highlights including Always On My Mind, In The Ghetto and a jaw-dropping version of If I Can Dream.

www.canarianweekly.com

News

13th March - 19th March 2015

Police have no leads in Crufts poisoning THE prize-winning Irish setter, who died at his Belgium home after competing at Crufts, was “maliciously poisoned” at the Birmingham show, according to one of his owners.

Thendara Satisfaction, known as Jagger, was said to have been fed poisoned beef. But co-owner Jeremy Bott believes the culprit may been acting on “a grudge against dogs or the Crufts show”.

Fellow-owner Aleksandra Lauwers said: “We have lost our love, family member and best friend to our son.”

Mr Bott’s wife, Dee Milligan-Bott, told BBC Radio 5 live: “I don’t believe in my heart of hearts that this was another competitor, or anyone involved in the dog world.

“I can only imagine that it was a random act that somebody premeditated, and wanted to cause total distress at the best dog show in the world.

“It’s not unknown for people to do things like this. He was a typical Irish setter, totally trustworthy and so loved. We are devastated.”

She added: “The Crufts’ committee and all championship show dog committees will have to look at security.”

Jagger, who came second in his class at Birmingham NEC last Thursday, d i e d after returning

to Belgium with Ms Lauwers.

Leicester-based breeder Mrs MilliganBott, who claimed the dog must have been given the meat “while on his bench at Crufts”, called it “a heinous crime”.

And Mr Bott told BBC Radio 4: “When the vet opened up his stomach, she found cubes of meat - some sort of beef-like steak - and they had been sewn up with poison inside.

“She thinks there were possibly two or three types of poison. I think she identified one as a slug killer. I would guess that the other would turn out to be a rat poison, or some industrial type of poison.”

Mr Bott did not believe the attack was targeted, but he did not think the culprit would be caught.

“They will, hopefully, try with the CCTV they have in the halls at Crufts, but I don’t think they will be able to find anybody.”

The couple’s daughter, Amy Nettleton, said: “The accessibility of shows such as Crufts is that the general public can wander in and out of the dogs’ benches and approach any dog. So to keep an eye on everybody who came up and spoke to the dogs is very difficult.”

Ms Nettleton said her family were “just devastated and beside themselves. The sensationalism portrayed the media - that Jagger was worth £50,000 - is beyond ridiculous.

“Jagger, to his family, was priceless and he was also used, not only as a family pet but as pet therapy.”

She said he was taken into elderly care homes, adding: “He would sit there and give the residents some delight in him just being around.”

The Kennel Club, awaiting a toxicology report from Belgian police, said it had not received any other reports of sickness in other dogs at Crufts.

Crufts is run

by The Kennel Club, the

UK’s largest organisation dedicated to pedigree and cross-breed dogs It labels the annual event as “the world’s largest dog show”, and nearly 21,500 dogs competed this year, among them 2,987 from overseas Ms Lauwers wrote on her Facebook page: “To the person who has done it, hope you can sleep well knowing you have killed our love, family member and best friend to our son.”

Kennel Club secretary Caroline Kisko said: “We are deeply shocked and saddened to hear that Jagger died some 26 hours after leaving Crufts.

“We have spoken to his owners and our heartfelt sympathies go out to them. We understand that the toxicology report is due, and until that time, we cannot know the cause of this tragic incident.”

Clare Balding, the TV presenter who had been hosting Channel 4’s coverage of the event, tweeted: “Everyone at #Crufts2015 horrified at death of Irish Setter Jagger & post-mortem found poison. Awful for all concerned.”

Vet Steve Leonard said: “Such incidents are, thankfully, rare. Obviously, they have found a foreign substance in the dog’s stomach.”

Human forensic techniques would probably be used to establish what the substance was, he said, as such testing went beyond what vets would normally deal with.

“Your heart goes out to the poor owners and what they must be going through,” he added.

West Midlands Police said officers had not received any complaint, or been asked to investigate an allegation involving the death of a dog in Belgium.

A police spokeswoman said: “If, following toxicology results in Belgium, the force is formally asked to conduct inquiries into the circumstances surrounding the death of the animal, an investigation will take place by officers in conjunction with Crufts and the NEC.”

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News

13th March - 19th March 2015

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Greek outlook

positive Olive farmers fearing their second disaster SPANISH olive-growers are facing a dreaded disease which has already wiped out a million trees in Italy.

The “Xylella fastidiosa bacterium” has decimated around 570,000 acres of olive groves in Italy’s southern region of Puglia since it was first detected in 2013.

And experts are warning that the disease could spread across the entire Mediterranean, threatening crops in Spain and Greece especially.

“If it expands its range further, the entire Mediterranean basin risks being contaminated,” said Giovanni Melcarne, President of an oilproducing consortium in Italy.

“We are calling for poli-

ticians to sit up and notice of what is happening, and to take necessary actions.”

There have been calls to create a mile-wide cordon across the region, to prevent the disease from spreading.

Spain produces around 50% of the world’s olive oil, with 70% of that produced in Andalucia.

But this new enemy could spell a second successive disaster for Spain’s growers because last summer’s drought left production down by some one million tonnes to 700,000 tonnes.

Combined with the diseased crops in Italy, the price of the muchloved oil could soar across the continent.

THE Greek government hailed Monday’s eurozone group meeting in Brussels as a “success”, because there appeared to be a way forward for the cash-strapped country.

The Finance Ministry stressed that its eurozone membership was not in doubt after the following key points were agreed. *Greece launches the process by which the decision taken at the 20th February euro group will be enforced, which is a positive step in that it marks a relaxation of the stance by the ECB towards Greece. *Despite the misinformation of recent days, the Greeks’ bailout proposals, regarding debt and growth plans were accepted politically by the euro group. *On Wednesday, discussions between Greece and technical teams will begin, exclu-

sively, in Brussels and not in Athens. We remind you that the troika is a mechanism that belongs decisively to the past. *The institutions showed a willingness to resolve the financing problem with immediate effect.

A senior Greek official said: “The Greek government will continue enriching the list of reforms, with additional proposals it will elaborate on. The reforms will be part of a National Plan for Reconstruction and Growth.”

Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis told an Italian newspaper on Sunday when asked what his options were if a deal was not agreed: “If needed, if we encounter implacability, we will resort to the Greek people either through elections or a referendum.”

This was interpreted

by some as a threat to leave the eurozone if talks broke down something the Greek government was quick to deny.

Greek officials pointed out that the words “for the euro” had been added to Mr Varoufakis’s remarks in brackets in the article.

The finance ministry clarified that Greece’s eurozone membership was “a given” and did not form any part of negotiations with the Eurogroup, they added.

And Varoufakis later criticised the reports as “wilful attempts to undermine the good course” of efforts to agree a deal with creditors.

In a widely-leaked letter to the Eurogroup, Mr Varoufakis set out seven key reforms which, he hopes, will appease eurozone lenders and allow the next instalment of bailout

money to be released.

But Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras reacted by urging Varoufakis to use “fewer words and more action”.

Greece aims to save 200m euros (£140m) through public spending cuts, as well as streamlining bureaucracy and cracking down on tax evasion.

But European Commission Vice-President Valdis Dombrovskis rejected the letter, telling a German newspaper: “A letter here or there isn’t going to change much.”

Greece needs to agree terms to become eligible for more credit from the eurozone and the International Monetary Fund.

In turn, this would allow its banks to finance themselves from the European Central Bank.

And Greek ministers firmly believe they are on the right track at last.

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Carnival News

THIS weekend sees the end of the Carnival season with a grand parade through the streets of Los Cristianos.

The events for the Arona Carnival have been well attended, but there has been plenty of problems behind the scenes.

A fall-out over a variety of issues, including the location, has led to no rides and no refreshment stands.

Also, a planned classic car exhibition was cancelled over a row about policing and insurance costs. And to top it all off, the light-and-sound rig toppled over during last weekend’s high winds!

That said, the Murgas event was popular and

13th March - 19th March 2015

Carnival is over - in style!

Elvis wowed the crowds, while the Junior Queen crowning and the exhibition of former Queens were roaring successes.

There were no such problems In Gra-

nadilla, where officials there wound down their event with a high-quality, visually-stunning parade.

Los Cristianos parade is on Sunday from 4pm.

www.canarianweekly.com

News

13th March - 19th March 2015

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Deadly disease is striking with age SCIENTISTS say it is “almost inevitable” that your blood will take the first steps towards leukaemia as you get older.

The cancer is often associated with children, but some types become more common with age.

A new study, published in the Cell Reports journal, showed 70% of healthy people in their nineties had genetic errors that could lead to leukaemia.

Researchers at the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute, near Cambridge, warned that the number of cases could soar as life expectancy increases, after analysing the blood of 4,219 people.

They focused on testing accurately for errors in the DNA linked to the blood cancers. If one blood cell in 100 carried such a mutation, they would pick it up.

However, the results were surprising, suggesting that 20% of people in their fifties have potentially-cancerous mu-

tations, rising to 70% in people in their nineties.

One of the researchers, Dr George Vassiliou, told the BBC News website: “We had suspected people had these mutations, but didn’t expect they would be an almost-inevitable consequence of ageing.

“What it says is that a lot more people than expected are starting on the path to leukaemia.

But, thankfully, only a few make it to the end.”

But while progression to leukaemia is rare right now, the scientists believe it could become more common as life expectancy increases.

Dr Vassiliou added: “There is one warning for the future - if there were to be a significant extension of life expectancy, then there could be a significant increase in leukaemia.

“We don’t know what percentage of people would go on to develop leukaemia. It might be one in 1,000, or even one

in 100 or more, and that would have a dramatic impact.”

One in three girls and one in four boys born today are expected to live to be 100.

Stem cells in the bone marrow manufacture blood, and it takes multiple mutations to transform one from a normal cell into a cancerous one.

With enough mutations, it can dominate the production of blood by either producing defective blood cells, or just one type to the exclusion of others.

The researchers believe that searching the blood for such mutations may identify people at high risk of developing leukaemia who may, in the future, be targeted with preventative therapies.

Dr Kat Arney, from Cancer Research UK, said: “We know that the risk of developing most types of cancer increases with age.

“This is a fascinating

and important study, highlighting how the genetic makeup of blood cells changes as we get older, and may contribute to the development of leukaemia.”

She added: “It will be interesting to see if this kind of technique can be applied to other types of c a n c e r, too.”

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Focus On...

13th March - 19th March 2015

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Focus On...

13th March - 19th March 2015

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Feature

13th March - 19th March 2015

You’re having a laugh!

The Tenerife Comedy Club has it’s first show of the year on Saturday 21st March with four fine comedians.

Next week we will catch up with Matt Richardson and the very funny Kevin Dewsbury, but this week we spoke with the headliner Joe Rowntree and Belfast’s best Ryan McDonnel.

RYAN MCDONNELL: JOE ROWNTREE: How did you get in to comedy?

I started out as a massive fan, going to any comedy night I saw advertised. I used to travel to London especially, just to go to the Comedy Store. I always told myself that one day I’d give it a go. I finally got around to doing just that, and it has gradually evolved from there.

When and where was your first gig?

At a pub on the coast of Kent, in a town I think is called Ramsgate. My best friend at the time shared a love of comedy and answered a newspaper ad looking for entertainers. They wanted DJs and singers and we told them we were comedians. We weren’t.

Were you nervous? How did it go?

I was so nervous that I wouldn’t have gone through with it had I not been forced to. All told, it went reasonably well, for what it was. I have it on video and I watched it recently. I was rubbish, but people laughed.

How has your comedy changed or evolved since you started?

I spent a lot of time trying to second-guess the industry and be what would be in-demand in order to be successful. I stopped and tried just being me, doing stuff that I find funny. Everything began running smoother after that.

Describe your comedy style in one sentence Succinct.

Has there been any one point when you consider you broke through on to the scene?

When a fellow-comedian’s girlfriend chastised me for being rude to her mum on a TV show years ago. I tried arguing that I hadn’t been on the show in question, but she argued adamantly. So, being from Northern Ireland, I accepted that I was a successful TV comic - and also that I was Patrick Kielty, whom she thought I was.

What has been the highlight of your career so far?

There have been a few, meeting heroes, playing some of the clubs I paid into as a fan, an Edinburgh debut, plus some of the big music festivals.

What ambitions do you have with your comedy career?

Ultimately, I’d love to tour a theatre show.

What do you like to do outside of comedy?

Learn unusual subjects: marine biology and human behavioural psychology are two.

What can people expect from your show at the Tenerife Comedy Club?

A relaxed, light-hearted and fun night out. It’s just like being down the pub with your mates, except you pay for the privilege. And I won’t buy you a round.

How did you get in to comedy?

I use to hijack the microphone on the school bus and do impressions of the teachers - and realised I could make people laugh. I then moved to London and started turning up at open-mic nights and working it out from there.

When and where was your first gig?

Fifteen years ago. I worked behind the bar at Up the Creek in Greenwich as a 17-year-old student studying at Goldsmiths College. It was my intention to watch the comedy and learn how it was done. I eventually plucked up the courage to do a five-minute open spot at the infamous Sunday night, with the legendary Malcolm Hardy compering. He introduced me as: “The next guy coming on works behind the bar so he’s probably going to be s***. Put your hands together for Joe Rowntree.” He was right on both accounts.

Were you nervous? How did it go?

Very nervous. See answer above How has your comedy changed or evolved since you started?

It has generally got funnier as the years have progressed. I went from writing one-liners to now telling stories and doing topical material.

Describe your comedy style in one sentence Energetic and funny, comedy with punchlines that make people laugh (mostly) Has there been any one point when you consider you broke through on to the scene?

When I did my first 20 minutes at the London Comedy Store. This is the holy grail for a lot of comedians.

What has been the highlight of your career so far?

Filming a TV show called Dave’s One Night Stand in front of a sell-out West End London crowd.

What ambitions do you have with your comedy career?

To do well at the Edinburgh Festival and be consistently funny, and turning over lots of material and keeping myself passionate and hungry for creativity.

What do you like to do outside of comedy?

Run marathons. I have done three, and Dublin will be my fourth at the end of the year.

What can people expect from your show at the Tenerife Comedy Club?

A barnstorming set, with a lot of satisfied punters.

www.canarianweekly.com

Business

13th March - 19th March 2015

By Mariano Zunino Siri

AT the beginning of 2013 I wrote a column relating to the Court Fee or Legal Bond (Tasa Judicial), about which the Spanish Government had approved a Law the previous November.

This new ruling meant that anyone wanting to make a legal claim had to pay a Court Fee or Legal Bond.

The Court Fee was calculated according to the amount of the claim and applicable in many jurisdictions (Civil, Commercial, Administrative).

The Law was later modified, fixing a maximum fee payable of 2,000 euros after taking into account that the total Court Fee (or Legal Bond) is composed of one fixed part

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Court Fees exemption and another variable part (percentage of the amount).

There are exemptions to the payment of such a Court Fee, in claims amounting to under 2,000 euros, for instance.

The Law was polemic, criticised and considered in breach of Spanish Constitution.

The reason is that the Constitution says that access to justice must be free for all citizens.

Although the matter of unconstitutionality of this Law is not the topic of this column, the Constitutional Court is still studying its legality.

After two years, the Law was again modified, via a Royal DecreeLaw, on 27th February.

Among other issues, this re-writes article 4 of Law 10/2012 and states that “Individuals” (natural persons)

are now exempt from payment of the Court Fee (still applicable to companies, although in some cases, they are also are exempt).

Consequently, since 1st March, no individual has to pay the Court Fee to go to Court.

The Law is not retroactive, which means that it is not applicable to past claims or appeals, and no monies will be refunded. Different sources say that, thanks to this Law, t h e

Government could collect more than 500 million euros.

Take into account that an Appeal before the High Court costs more than 800 euros and an Appeal before the Supreme Court more than 1,200 euros, it is still an unpopular and un-

faithful Law. But at least from now on, the natural persons’ exemption could be the first step take n

by the Spanish Government to revoke the Law in the near future.

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News

13th March - 19th March 2015

Urgent: How do I treat my cat’s infected paw?

CAN you recommend a Scottish chef in Brussels who can make haggis?

How do I set my antenna to receive English TV channels in Italy? Can you find me cheap flights to New Zealand?

These are just some of the recent enquiries the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) has received from around the world. Last year, its Contact Centres received more than 365,000 calls from British nationals.

“Most were genuine calls from people who needed our help, but we still receive thousands of enquiries every year relating to issues we are unable to assist with,” said a spokesperson.

“These enquiries can take valuable time away from those in genuine need of assistance. And some of the more unusual calls we received in 2014 include: *A caller asking for help with setting up “British-

style” hanging baskets at a trade show because the professional gardener hired for the purpose had stage fright *A British woman asking the consulate in Albania how to find out if her son’s fiancée was already married *A caller asking for advice on how to treat a cat’s infected paw *A man requesting that staff at the Embassy in Mexico City go to the airport to check whether he had left his mobile phone on a plane *A woman in Italy calling to enquire how she could synchronise her TV antenna to receive English channels *An event co-ordinator in Brussels asking for the name of a Scottish chef based in the country who could make Haggis for a Burns Night event The spokesperson added: “Such enquiries stem from a lack of understanding of what

FCO consular teams can do for British nationals overseas.

“So we are launching an awareness campaign to remind UK travellers and residents overseas of the services we provide, and what we can and cannot do.

“The FCO’s priority is to protect the welfare of British nationals abroad,

and consular staff will always do their best to assist people when they find themselves in difficulty.

“However, it is important for travellers to understand what services we provide before getting in touch. There are also some simple pretravel steps you can take to reduce the risk of getting into difficulty and needing our help.

“They include taking out comprehensive travel insurance, researching the destination and any health risks, and ensuring access to emergency funds.

David Lidington, Foreign & Commonwealth Office Minister, said: “It is important for FCO consular staff to be able to focus on our most vulnerable customers, such as victims of crime, those who have lost a loved one abroad, or people who have been detained or hospitalised overseas.

“Consular staff support thousands of British nationals who encounter difficulties overseas every year, and we handle over 365,000 enquiries annually.

“We will always try to help where we can, but there are limits to what we can do, so it’s important for people to be aware of how we can help.

“We can issue an emergency travel document if your passport is lost or stolen, offer support if you become a victim of crime, or visit you in hospital or prison. But we aren’t able to pay medical bills, give legal advice,

get you out of jail or, indeed, act as veterinary surgeons.”

Meg Williams, head of the FCO’s Global Contact Centres, said: “The role of the FCO Contact Centres is to help enable consular staff to focus on what is important, and to concentrate on those in need.

“But we continue to receive misdirected enquiries from British nationals. We receive hundreds of thousands of calls every year and, while the vast majority of these are from British nationals in genuine need of our assistance and services, 38% in 2014 were not related to consular support at all.

“For example, one caller asked us to help find his son’s missing suitcase. As it had apparently been lost by a British airline, the caller thought the British consulate would be able to locate it.”

Recent research revealed that the number of people who have knowledge of what embassies and consulates do has dropped to the lowest in three years among young people (aged 16-24), from 62% in 2011 to 55% in 2014.

If you would like further information, please contact 0207 781 2300 or ForeignandCommonwealthOffice@consolidatedpr.com The Know Before You Go campaign targets a number of audiences, from gap-year students to package holiday-makers; sports fans to older travellers and people vis-

iting friends and family abroad. The campaign works with more than 400 travel-industry partners to communicate its messages. For more information visit the Know Before You Go web page.

If you have any enquiries for FCO consular staff before you go or while abroad, you can use the FCO’s Twitter service @ FCOtravel.

Questions are answered 9am-6pm (GMT), Monday-Friday, and FCO staff aim to respond within 30 minutes.

This service adds to the ways British people travelling or living overseas can already get in touch with the FCO: by emailing our travel advice team or contacting local consular staff.

You can also keep upto-date with the latest FCO travel advice by signing up to the FCO’s Facebook and Twitter feeds.

The FCO can: *Issue you with an emergency travel document *Provide information about transferring money *Provide help if you have suffered rape or are a victim of serious sexual or physical assault, are a victim of crime, are ill or in hospital *Give you a list of local lawyers, interpreters, doctors or funeral directors *Contact you if you are detained abroad *Contact friends and family back home if you wish *Assist people affected by parental child abduction *Provide help in cases of forced marriage The FCO cannot: *Help you enter a country if you do not have a valid passport or necessary visas *Give you legal advice or translate documents *Investigate crimes or get you out of prison *Get you better treatment in hospital or prison than is given to local people, but will raise concerns if treatment falls below internationally-recognised standards *Pay any bills or give you money *Make travel arrangements for you

www.canarianweekly.com 13th March - 19th March 2015

Advertisement TV GuideTV

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Guide

Comic Relief

Face The Funny Don't Miss...

Friday 13 March, BBC1 & BBC2, 19.00 Red Nose Day is back with an unmissable evening of entertainment, live from the London Palladium. The star-studded night of comedy will be presented by TV favourites including Lenny Henry, Davina McCall, Claudia Winkleman, David Walliams, John Bishop and Russell Brand who will entertain the nation from start to finish.

There will be a host of side-splitting sketches from the likes of Rowan Atkinson, Dawn French, David Walliams, Catherine Tate, Ben Miller, Rebecca Front, Miranda Hart, Sheridan Smith and Stephen Fry, plus many more including a guest appearance by Professor Stephen Hawking. Viewers will also be treated to live comedy performances from Doc Brown, Cardinal Burns, Mr Khan and Trevor Noah.

Further highlights will include Dermot O’Leary finishing his 24 hour Day of Dance live in the London Palladium, and the winners of The People’s Strictly for Comic Relief will be crowned and the fun continues on BBC Two when the overall winner The Great Comic Relief Bake Off will be revealed.

There will also be musical performances from Ella Henderson, Labrinth and Sam Smith as well as plenty of reminders of how the money raised could help change lives both here in the UK and across Africa, with a number of moving appeal films and celebrity reports.

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TV Guide

W C ch o i ce

Bear Grylls: Mission Survive

13th March - 19th March 2015

F riday

ITV1, 21.00

Bear Grylls stars in this adrenalin-fuelled series for ITV in which the adventurer takes a group of celebrities into the depths of one of the most unforgiving Central American rainforests, where they will be competing in an epic 12-day survival mission.

To stay alive they must navigate impossible terrain, build shelter, make fire and eat food that nature provides. From abseiling down ferocious waterfalls, crossing perilous rapids, trudging through swamps and eating rats and scorpions; this is an epic journey in the jungles of Costa Rica.

In programme four there are six celebrities left and this time they are going deeper into the unknown. Half way through Bear’s mission, the celebrities are starting to toughen up and getting used to life in the raw.

But the jungle is taking its toll, one of the celebrities is suffering from mosquito bites while another has trench foot, requiring treatment from the Mission Survive medic.

On this part of the mission Bear is particularly looking for the celebrities to be cheerful in the face of adversity, an essential characteristic for a ‘Survivor’.

They are transported by military truck to a nearby two-mile cave system. Bear meets them and offers them breakfast, providing a medicinal boost before sending them into the caves - a big dose of zinc. The zinc, of course, comes from a jungle source – in this case, tarantulas.

Bear shows the celebrities how to burn the hairs off the taranatulas’ legs to make them safe to eat. The now hardened group seem almost unphased by their unusual breakfast.

Their next mission is to use their rope skills to safely navigate the tight spaces and waterfall descents within the cave system, keeping a look out for snakes, spiders, bats - and dinner, which Bear has left somewhere inside the caves Following Bear’s way markers the celebrities make their way through a series of passages towards a particularly dark and narrow tunnel where one team member volunteers to see what lies ahead and he finds their dinner – a fresh pig carcass placed inside the cave.

The delighted celebs, looking forward to a hog roast, carry the pig through the rest of the cave system, then gut it in a nearby stream.

Further down the river they reach the location where they must set up camp. The group reflect on the experience so far, as they work to create fire and shelter and cook the pig.

For one celebrity though, an earlier problem of trench foot seems to be escalating. Bear’s lieutenant, Scott Heffield, provides some onthe-spot treatment but in the morning Bear will have to make an assessment to decide whether or not the trenchfoot warrants an early exit for the celebrity.

The following day starts with a helicopter transfer towards the Pacific Coast, to the largest river in Costa Rica - the Tempisque. The celebrities’ mission seems a simple one: get across the river safely. But the river is home to more than 2,000 crocodiles and avoiding them means crossing where the water is at its fiercest.

It’s their last chance to impress Bear before elimination. Who is emerging as a hero? Who is making too many mistakes? And who has demonstrated the cheerfulness in adversity that Bear is looking for?

06:00 ...................... Breakfast

06:00 ....................Perfection

09:15 ............... Heir Hunters

06:45 ..............Homes Under the Hammer

10:00...............Homes Under the Hammer

07:45 .................Animal Park

06:00 ............ Good Morning Britain 08:30........................ Lorraine 09:25.......... The Jeremy Kyle Show

10:30 ............ Afghanistan: A Service of Commemoration

08:15 ........Countryside 999 09:00.............. Alaska: Earth’s Frozen Kingdom

10:30.............. This Morning

12:30 .............. Bargain Hunt

10:00 ...... Gardeners’ World

11:00.............. This Morning

13:00 ...... BBC News at One

10:30............ Watchdog Test House

12:30 ............ Loose Women

13:40 .................BBC London News 13:45 .........................Doctors

11:00 .............Wanted Down Under

14:15 ......................... WPC 56

12:00....... The Daily Politics

15:00 ........................The Link

13:00 .Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers

15:45 ...............Escape to the Country 16:3.............Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:15....................... Pointless

13:05 .... Cagney and Lacey 13:50 .......The World at War 14:45 ............. Frozen Planet 15:45 ............ Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em

10:55...................... ITV News

13:30.............. ITV News and Weather 14:00.............. Judge Rinder 15:00 ..............Tipping Point 16:00 ........1000 Heartbeats 17:00 ....................The Chase 18:00 ................ ITV News London 18:30 .........ITV News and Weather 19:00............ Emmerdale

18:00................ BBC News at Six

16:15.. Three Up, Two Down

18:30...............BBC London News

17:15 ...........................Flog It!

19:00 .........Comic Relief Face the Funny

18:00............. Two Tribes

John Sergeant

18:30 .............. Eggheads

20:30..............Coronation Street

22:00.... BBC News at Ten 22:25............ BBC London News 22:40..........Comic Relief Face the Funny 01:00...................... Comic Relief - Making it Funny for Money

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16:45...................... Hi-De-Hi!

19:00 ..... A Cook Abroad

19:30..Coronation Street 20:00....... Barging Round Britain with

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20:30...Gardeners’ World

21:00.........Bear Grylls: Mission Survive

22:40..............Newsnight

01:30............ Jackpot247

20:00........... Mastermind

ch oi ce

22:00...... ITV News at Ten 21:00..................Quelle CW and Weather Catastrophe! France choice with Robert Peston 22:40....ICC Cricket World Cup Highlights 22:00..The Great Comic CW Relief Bake Off choice 23:40............... 10,000 BC

Quelle Catastrophe!

France with Robert Peston BBC2, 21:00

International investigative documentary series. For years we have looked on in envy at a French way of life that combined high living standards, generous welfare benefits and superb public transport.

But now Robert Peston investigates how economic stagnation is threatening the treasured social model, and how a potential political earthquake could undermine the very fabric of the European Union itself. In the wake of the great economic crash of 2008, the French shunned austerity and eventually voted in a left-wing president who promised tax rises and a continuation of high public spending. Now even Francois Hollande has had to perform a U-turn and is promising reforms. This in turn has led to a surge in support for the right-wing politics of Marine Le Pen and the Front National, with their ferociously anti-European agenda. As the Front National achieves ever more electoral gains and Le Pen has a realistic run at the presidency, the consequences for the rest of Europe could be enormous.

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TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

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06:00................. Countdown

06:00............. The Wotwots!

06:45 ..........King of Queens

06:10..................Igam Ogam

07:10 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:20.............. Fireman Sam

07:35 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun 08:00...... The Morning Line 09:00........ Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30........ Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 .................. Undercover Boss USA 11:00 ............ Three in a Bed 12:00 ......... Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 ......................Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals

06:30................ Toot the Tiny Tugboat 06:45 .....................Peppa Pig 06:50 .....................Peppa Pig 06:55 ......................Pip Ahoy!

07:10............. Little Princess 07:20 ....The Mr. Men Show 07:35 .................Thomas and Friends 07:50 ......Noddy in Toyland 08:00............ Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 08:15 .....................Peppa Pig 08:25 .....................Peppa Pig

12:35..................Cheltenham Festival

08:35 .........Toby’s Travelling Circus

16:20..............Couples Come Dine with Me

08:45 ....................Bananas in Pajamas

17:00 ...............Four in a Bed

09:00 ...................Tickety Toc

17:30 ....................Coach Trip

09:15 ........ The Wright Stuff

18:00........ The Simpsons

11:10 ...................... The Hotel Inspector

18:30 .............. Hollyoaks 19:00 .... Channel 4 News 20:00 .............The Million Pound Drop

12:15 .............Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud 13:15 ........Home and Away 14:20 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles 15:20.................... Desolation Canyon

08:55.....Location, Location, Location

06:00 ...Nothing to Declare: Australia

07:00............Storage Hunters 07:25............. Extreme Fishing with Robson Green 08:10 ..........................Top Gear 10:00 ...........Storage Hunters 11:00 .......Lizard Lick Towing 12:00.......................... Top Gear 14:00 ...........Storage Hunters 14:30 .................... Traffic Cops 15:30 ...........Storage Hunters 16:00 .......Lizard Lick Towing 17:00 ..........................Top Gear 19:00 ..............Traffic Cops 20:00 ..... Storage Hunters 21:00 .........Not Going Out 22:20 ....... Mock the Week 23:05............................... QI 23:45.. Would I Lie to You? 00:20 .......8 Out of 10 Cats 00:55...... Storage Hunters 01:25...Lizard Lick Towing 01:50........ Mock the Week

06:00 ............. Football Gold

07:00 ..........Inside RAF Brize Norton 08:00..........Emergency with Angela Griffin 09:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

17:00 ..................5 News at 5

11:00...............Hawaii Five-0

17:30 .................Neighbours

13:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

18:00.... Home and Away 18:30 ..... 5 News Tonight 19:00.... The Gadget Show 20:00............ Angry Brits: Caught on Camera

22:00................. Kick-Ass

06:00 .....................Babylon 5 06:40 ................ Doctor Who 07:35 ...................MasterChef Australia 09:00.......................... The Bill 11:00.................. Traffic Cops 12:00...................... Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 13:00.... Masterchef Ireland 14:00.... Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 15:00...........DIY SOS The Big Build 16:00...... Who Do You Think You Are? USA 17:00................. Doctor Who 18:00......... Border Patrol 19:00..............Masterchef Ireland 20:00..... Motorway Cops 21:00.......................Crisis 22:00...In the Line of Fire 00:35......... Border Patrol

10:00..... A Place in the Sun 10:35 ............. The Cruel Sea 13:10 ...................Time Team 14:15................... Time Team 15:20 .....A Place in the Sun 16:20 .....A Place in the Sun 17:25 ............................Jamie’s Comfort Food 17:55.................... Come Dine with Me 19:00... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 19:55 ...... Grand Designs 21:00..... Hitler’s Hunting Experiment 22:00 ....... Secret History 23:05.... My Daughter the Teenage Nudist 00:10.............. Come Dine with Me 01:15....... Grand Designs

12:10 ....5 News Lunchtime

13:45 .................Neighbours

21:00 ............ Gogglebox

06:00 ..............Life’s Funniest Moments 06:25 ............................. Psych 07:10 ..................Emmerdale 08:10 ................. You’ve Been Framed!

08:40 ................ Dinner Date 09:40 ............... Catchphrase 10:20 ............................. Psych 11:15.................. Royal Pains 12:10.................. Emmerdale 13:15 ................. You’ve Been Framed!

13:40 ................ Dinner Date 14:40 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 ........... You’ve Been Framed!

20:00............... Two and a Half Men 21:00 ..........I Am Legend 23:05 ..........Take Me Out 00:35.......... Take Me Out: The Gossip

21:00.NCIS: New Orleans 22:00........................NCIS

15:00...Emergency Abroad 16:00...................... Futurama 17:00..............The Simpsons 17:30...................... Futurama 18:00............... Futurama 18:30........ The Simpsons 20:00...........Flintoff: Lord of the Fries

00:20 ........... Cheltenham Festival Highlights

22:55.......Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

01:10................ Brooklyn Nine-Nine

23:50 ....True Crimes: The First 72 Hours

23:00....NCIS: Los Angeles

01:35....... California Man

00:00..........Super Casino

01:00......... Hawaii Five-0

21:00...................... Stella 22:00...............Quiz Nights 00:00......... Hawaii Five-0

07:00 .......WWE Main Event 08:00 ....................... Ringside 09:00 .......... Premier League Darts 12:30 .............. Super League Highlights 13:30 ....................... Ringside 14:30............. Football Gold 15:00.................. The Premier League Years 17:00.............. Super League Highlights 18:00.........Football Gold 18:30............ The Fantasy Football Club 19:30........Rugby League 22:15............ The Fantasy Football Club 23:15.... Barclays Premier League Preview 23:45.......................Super League Gold

The Great Comic Relief Bake Off BBC2, 22:00

The four Comic Relief Bake Off star bakers are interviewed by Jo Brand, and one of them is declared the overall winner of The Great Comic Relief Bake Off 2015. The star bakers have each baked a cake in keeping with this year’s Comic Relief theme, ‘make your face funny for money’, but which cake will stand out and who will be crowned Comic Relief Bake Off champion?

Jo is also joined by The Great British Bake Off’s resident judge Mary Berry, as well as Bake Off fan and comedian Frank Skinner and former Bake Off contestant Howard Middleton.

The panel celebrates the shenanigans in the Comic Relief Bake Off tent, samples the audience’s baps and looks at pictures of viewers’ buns from home, as well as revealing unseen moments from the tent. Will Mary Berry dish the dirt on the bakers? Who will be crowned winner? And will the losers take it in their stride?

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TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

S aturday 06:00...................... Breakfast 10:00 ........................Saturday Kitchen Live

06:15... Jules Verne’s Rocket to the Moon

06:00 ......... Bottom Knocker Street

08:10.. Six Nations Rewind

06:10 ......... Bottom Knocker Street

11:30 ....................Mary Berry Cooks

10:10 ........................ The Fred Dibnah Story

12:00 .....................BBC News

10:40 ........................ The Fred Dibnah Story

12:10 ............Football Focus 12:50..........F1: Grand Prix Qualifying 14:00................... Six Nations Rugby Union 16:30................Six Nations Rugby Union

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18:55 .............. BBC News 19:05 ........... BBC London News 19:15 ......... The Voice UK 20:30 .......... The National Lottery 21:20 ................ Casualty 22:10 .............. BBC News 22:30..................Match of the Day 23:50 .......... The Football League Show 01:10..............EastEnders Omnibus

06:20 ......... Bottom Knocker Street 06:35 ......................Dino Dan

11:10.The Nature of Britain

06:45 ......................Dino Dan

12:00........ A Taste of Britain

07:00 ...................... Canimals

12:30............. James Martin’s Food Map of Britain

07:10 .............................Sooty

12:55 ......... Talking Pictures

07:30.................. Scrambled!

13:25 .North West Frontier 15:30 .........The Great British Sewing Bee 16:30 ...................Final Score 17:15 ...........................Flog It! 18:00...Gardeners’ World 18:30........Afghanistan: A Service of Commemoration Highlights

07:25 .............. Share a Story 07:35 ..................... Nerds and Monsters 07:50 .........Adventure Time 08:30 ...............Horrid Henry 08:50................ Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H 09:25................... The Jeremy Kyle Show

10:20 ...................The Jeremy 19:30.........How We Got W Kyle Show C to Now with choice 12:25.............. ITV News and Steve Johnson Weather 20:30............ Dad’s Army 12:30................... The Jeremy 21:00................ Hockney Kyle Show 22:45 .................. Enigma 13:35 ..............Tipping Point 14:35 .................. Doc Martin

How We Got to Now with Steve Johnson

15:35................ Secrets From the Sky

BBC2, 19:30

17:45.............. ITV News and Weather

Documentary series. The ability to transport our voices over long distances has been one of the greatest transformations in how we live our lives. Innovation expert Steven Johnson traces the unsung heroes of sound, like the printer in France who first recorded the human voice, the maverick inventor who made radio possible through a mistake and the Hollywood star who used the keys of the piano to inspire encrypted messages. Together they helped set off a chain reaction of innovations which have shaped the modern world.

16:05 .......Off Their Rockers 16:35.........................Big Star’s Little Star 17:35..... ITV News London

18:00............ You’ve Been Framed!

19:00 .........Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 20:20..........You’re Back in the Room

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21:20 .........The Jonathan Ross Show 22:20......... ITV News and Weather 22:40...... Mercury Rising 00:40........... Jackpot247

aturday

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TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

1 4 th

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06:30........ Mobil 1 The Grid

06:00 .....................Peppa Pig

06:00 ..............The Hot Desk

06:10.......................... The Bill

08:55....River Cottage Bites

07:00 ..........................Cycling

06:05.... Bananas in Pajamas

09:20.....Time Team Special

06:20 .... Angelina Ballerina

06:10 ...................Emmerdale Omnibus

07:00.......................... The Bill

08:00 ..... The Morning Line

10:55..... Planet of the Apes

09:00 ........Everybody Loves Raymond

06:30 ......................Pip Ahoy!

11:00............ Toughest Place to be a...

12:00 ............... Resurrection

09:30........ Everybody Loves Raymond

13:40................Four in a Bed

06:55 .............Chloe’s Closet

10:00 ........Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30........................... Frasier 11:00........................... Frasier 11:30........................... The Big Bang Theory 12:00 ...........................The Big Bang Theory 12:30........................... The Big Bang Theory 13:00 ...........Rude(Ish) Tube 13.30..........Channel 4 Racing Uttoxeter, Kempton Park and Lingfield Park. Rishi Persad and Gina Harding lead the Channel 4 Racing team in a bumper nine live races from three venues, including today’s feature: the marathon 4m1f Midlands Grand National, which trainer David Pipe is looking to win for the fifth year running. Plus, there’s the £100,000 Winter Derby - one of the top all-weather races of the season. Uttoxeter: 2.05, 2.40, 3.15 and 3.50pm.

Kempton Park: 1.45, 2.20 and 3.30pm, Lingfield: 2.30 and 3.05pm.

16:15 ................... Come Dine with Me 16:45 ................... Come Dine with Me 17:15 ................... Come Dine with Me 17:45 ................... Come Dine with Me 18:15........ The Simpsons 18:40 .... Channel 4 News 19:05 .....The Restoration Man 20:00 ............ The World’s Weirdest Weather 21:00...........Bridesmaids 23:30 ................True Lies

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06:45 ....The Mr. Men Show 07:05 ...............Olly the Little White Van

08:50....... Coronation Street Omnibus 11:15............... Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway

13:00 ... Masterchef Ireland

12:40................ Catchphrase

14:00 .....................The Funny Side of TV Experts

07:15...................... Make Way for Noddy

13:20............ Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records

07:25......... Toby’s Travelling Circus

13:50...... Mr Bean’s Holiday

07:35 ....................Paw Patrol

16:10........................ Mr. Bean

07:55 ............. Little Princess

16:45................... The Smurfs

08:10 ...................Wanda and the Alien

18:50...................... Twins

08:25 .........Zack and Quack

23:00.... The Keith Lemon Sketch Show

08:40 ........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 08:55................... Jelly Jamm 09:15..................... LazyTown 09:40...... Dora and Friends 10:05........... Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures

15:40........................ Mr. Bean

21:00.............. Rush Hour

13:30 ... Masterchef Ireland

15:00......................The Funny Side of Live TV 16:00..............Iceland Foods: Life in the Freezer Cabinet 19:00 .................. Britain’s Bravest Cops 20:00 ............ Road Patrol Australia

23:25...........Reality Bites

21:00...................... In the Line of Fire

00:10....Ibiza Weekender

23:30 .Emergency Bikers

01:10........Crazy Beaches

00:30 ..............The Strain

01:35......... Hell’s Kitchen

01:30 ..............The Strain

07:45..... Echoes of the Past

07:10.................... Hardliners 07:35 ....................Hardliners 08:00 .......................Top Gear 09:00 .......................Top Gear 10:00...... American Pickers 11:00........ Storage Hunters 12:00 .... Lizard Lick Towing 13:00......................... Red Bull Soapbox Race 14:00........ Storage Hunters 14:30 ........ Storage Hunters 15:00 ........ Storage Hunters 15:30 ........ Storage Hunters 20:00.............. Room 101 20:40.............. Room 101 22:00.... 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:30 .... 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:00 ....... Alan Davies as Yet Untitled 00:00 ..............Room 101 00:40 ..............Room 101 01:20 ..............Room 101

13:10................Four in a Bed 14:15................Four in a Bed 14:45................Four in a Bed 15:45... Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 16:50.....Location, Location, Location 17:55.....Location, Location, Location 19:00.... UFOs: The Secret Evidence 21:05........ The Great UFO Conspiracy 22:10........................ Alien Investigations 23:15.... UFOs: The Secret Evidence 01:25........ The Great UFO Conspiracy

10:10 .......................Mio Mao 10:25 .................. SpongeBob Squarepants 10:43 .................. SpongeBob Squarepants 11:00 ...........Open Season 2

08:00...................The Fantasy Football Club

12:30 ..............................Hitch

09:00 .........Game Changers

14:45............. Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud

10:00 ................. Soccer A.M.

15:45........... Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole

13:00 ...........Modern Family

16:40...................GPs: Behind Closed Doors

14:00.......... Inside RAF Brize Norton

17:40 ............The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 18:30 ......Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away!

19:20 ......................Police Interceptors 20:15... 5 News Weekend 20:20 .......................NCIS 22:10 ....CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:05.......Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 00:05..........Super Casino

12:00 ...............The F1 Show 13:30......... Chappie Special

15:00 ......... Obese: A Year to Save My Life USA 16:00 ...........Modern Family 18:30........ The Simpsons 19:00.......................... The Holidaymakers 20:00........ Hawaii Five-0 21:00... Lethal Weapon 2 23:15 ..... Karl Pilkington: The Moaning of Life 00:15..NCIS: Los Angeles 01:15......... Hawaii Five-0

07:45............. Football Gold 08:00 ..................The Fantasy Football Club 09:00.............................. Game Changers 10:00................. Soccer A.M. 12:00 ........................ Football 14:30 ....................... Ringside

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Six Nations: England v Scotland BBC1, 16.30

John Inverdale presents live coverage as England host Scotland at Twickenham on the penultimate weekend of the Six Nations with the Calcutta Cup at stake. England claimed a dominant win at Murrayfield last year and they haven’t lost to the Scots at home since 1983. Vern Cotter’s Scotland side will be desperate to put in an improved display after failing to register a point when the teams last met.

Studio guests include 2003 World Cup-winning coach Sir Clive Woodward and former Scotland captain Andy Nicol, while match commentary comes from Andrew Cotter and Brian Moore.

15:30 ................... Darts Gold 15:45 ...................The Race of Remembrance 16:45 ..............Ford Saturday Night Football 20:00 ......... SNF: Game of the Day 22:00 .............SNF: Match Choice 23:30 ........Football Gold 23:45................ Ringside 00:45 ......... International Fight Night

You’re Back In The Room ITV1, 20.20

Welcome to You’re Back In The Room – a brand new primetime game show with a unique twist.

Hosted by Phillip Schofield we see a team of five strangers take on apparently simple challenges to win money but each of these contestants have been hypnotised.

The contestants, each willingly open to hypnotic suggestion, will be hypnotised by International mentalist Keith Barry and seemingly straight forward tasks will get much harder as their hypnotic triggers cause them to inadvertently sabotage their chances of winning with hilarious consequences.

Phillip will be on hand as the contestants play four rounds, each worth an increasing amount for their cash pot. The more they accumulate the more chance they have to each walk away with a substantial amount of money in the final End Game.

Phillip Schofield said: “It’s incredibly exciting to be launching a completely fresh, brand new format. This series is totally original and unlike anything I’ve ever hosted before. From making the pilot, the contestants are undoubtedly the stars of the show; their reactions are bizarre, hilarious, completely unpredictable and always thoroughly entertaining.”

How well the contestants overcome their hypnotic hindrances, will determine what cash prize they will walk away with.

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TV Guide

Pompidou BBC2, 18.30

Pompidou realises that a bowl he gave to a friend is worth £1 million pounds. We see Pompidou and Hove do everything from haggling in a charity shop to trying their hand at pottery to reclaim it.

Pompidou and Marion are watching the Heirloom Roadshow on TV and realise an antique Chinese bowl they gave to their friend Merrick for Christmas is worth £1million pounds. Deciding they must reclaim the bowl, Pompidou has an idea to swap the bowl with an imitation. So they head to a charity shop where a bidding war ensues and the pair end up leaving empty handed.

Pompidou and Hove are in a Chinese restaurant and Pompidou decides to pinch his soup bowl that is another near match. Surprisingly this attempt also fails and they are both ejected from the shop by an angry waitress. The two then attempt a pottery class and decide they’ll make the bowl instead.

Back at the caravan, Pompidou and Hove are watching TV when they see a student from the pottery class on the Heirloom Roadshow. The student is getting Pompidou’s poor attempt at a bowl valued and it turns out it’s likened to a piece of modern art and is estimated at £2million pounds!

Pompidou is played by Matt Lucas and Hove is played by Alex MacQueen with guest appearances from Bella Emberg and Jane Asher.

13th March - 19th March 2015

S unday 07:35...... Match of the Day

06:10 .................The Football League Show

06:00 ......... Bottom Knocker Street

09:00.................. The Andrew Marr Show

07:30 ...... Gardeners’ World 08:00 .................. Countryfile

06:10 ......... Bottom Knocker Street

10:00........................... The Big Questions

09:00... Six Nations Rewind

06:00 ...................... Breakfast

11:00 .......... Sunday Politics

10:00 ........Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

12:15 .............. MOTD2 Extra

11:30....... A Taste of Britain

13:00 .....................BBC News

12:00 ....... A Taste of Britain

13:15 .............F1: Grand Prix

12:30 ...Merrill’s Marauders

14:40 ................... Six Nations Rugby Union

14:05 ............ Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em

17:00 .......... Songs of Praise

14:35 ...................... Three Up, Two Down

17:30 .....................BBC News 17:45 ....BBC London News

15:05 ...................... Hi-De-Hi!

17:55......... The Big Painting Challenge

15:35 ...........................Flog It! 16:35 .............Natural World

18:50 ............Countryfile

17:35 ......Super Cars v Used Cars: The Trade Off

19:45 ......... The Voice UK 21:00.................. Poldark 22:00.............. BBC News 22:20............ BBC London News 22:30 .................Match of the Day 2 23:40 .........Comic Relief The Best Bits 00:40 ......... The Celebrity Apprentice USA

18:35...........Pompidou

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19:00..........Comic Relief The Best Bits 20:00........Red Arrows: Inside the bubble 21:00......Dragons’ Den

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22:05 .........Bluestone 42

22:35 ...... The Revolution Will be Televised 23:05......Burke and Hare

06:20 ......... Bottom Knocker Street 06:35 ......................Dino Dan 06:45 ..........Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:00 ...................... Canimals 07:10 .............................Sooty 07:25 .............. Share a Story 07:30 ..................Scrambled!

07:35 ..................... Nerds and Monsters 07:50 ........................ Ultimate Spider-Man 08:30.............. Horrid Henry 08:50 ................Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H 09:25 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:25 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 12:30.............. ITV News and Weather 12:35.......................... Murder, She Wrote 13:35 ...........River Monsters 14:40 ..............Tipping Point

Off Their Rockers ITV, 19.30 This week Mo embraces modern fashion, Tony reveals a saucy secret and Royston shares his odd inventions.

Britain’s most fearless and fun loving pensioners reunite to unleash their own brand of mischief and mayhem on the unsuspecting public, in the third series of hidden camera show Off Their Rockers.

Celebrating the mantra that you truly are only as old as you feel, these cheeky OAPs hit the streets of Britain with misbehaviour in mind, playing a series of light hearted pranks and carefully crafted stunts.

Hilarity ensues as their outrageous antics play out, and one thing’s for sure, the Rockers will always have the last laugh.

15:40 ............. Licence to Kill 18:10................ ITV News London 18:20 .........ITV News and Weather 18:30.............. The Chase: Celebrity Special 19:30..............Off Their Rockers

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20:00........ All Star Family Fortunes 21:00...........Mr Selfridge 22:00..........ITV News and Weather 22:15............. Bear Grylls: Mission Survive 23:15......................Rugby Highlights 00:10................The Store

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

1 5 th 06:15 ........... How I Met Your Mother 06:40 ........... How I Met Your Mother 07:05........... How I Met Your Mother 07:30........ Everybody Loves Raymond 07:55 ........Everybody Loves Raymond 08:25 ........................... Frasier 08:55 ........................... Frasier 09:30.......... Sunday Brunch 12:30........ Amazing Spaces: Shed of the Year 13:30 ...........................The Big Bang Theory

06:00 .....................Peppa Pig

06:00 ....................... Mr. Bean

06:10......Emergency Bikers

06:05 ....................Bananas in Pajamas

06:50 ...................Emmerdale Omnibus

07:00 ............... Walking with Beasts

06:20........................ Angelina Ballerina

09:40...... Coronation Street Omnibus

08:00 ....... Fake or Fortune?

11:05.... Tiny House Nation

06:30 ......................Pip Ahoy!

12:05 ................Take Me Out

09:00 ......Masterchef Ireland

12:00 ............Shipping Wars

06:45 ...........................The Mr. en Show

13:10 ........... Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records

09:30 ......Masterchef Ireland

12:30 ............Shipping Wars

10:00 ......Masterchef Ireland

06:55............. Chloe’s Closet

13:40 .......................Scorpion

14:00 ..........Jamie’s Comfort Food

07:05 ...............Olly the Little White Van

14:30.............. Freaky Friday

07:15............... Make Way for Noddy

17:35.............. Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway

07:25......................... Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 07:30 ....................Paw Patrol

14:00 ...........................The Big Bang Theory

07:45 .......................Mio Mao

14:25 ..................... Step Up 4: Miami Heat

08:05 ...................Wanda and the Alien

16:30 ....Location, Location, Location 17:35 ........ Channel 4 News 18:05 ......... A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 19:00........... Four Rooms 20:00..................Great Canal Journeys They begin their first canal journey of the second series in the romantic city of Oxford. It’s here that Tim and Pru began their courtship many years ago and where they went on their first ever canal trip together. They follow the gentle contours of the Oxford canal through the Cherwell Valley, where they meet author Philip Pullman and are joined by their son Samuel West. Tim and Pru follow in the footsteps of author Tom Rolt, whose vivid account of his journey down this canal in 1939 ignited a campaign that went on to save Britain’s canals from extinction.

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07:50 ............. Little Princess

08:25 ........................Zack and Quack 08:35........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom

16:35 ............... Catchphrase

18:55....Legally Blonde 2: Red White and Blonde

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21:00....Ibiza Weekender

ch oi 22:00.... The Keith Lemon Sketch Show

22:30................Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

10:30 ......Masterchef Ireland 11:00 ......Masterchef Ireland 11:30 ......Masterchef Ireland 12:00 ......Masterchef Ireland 12:30 ......Masterchef Ireland 14:00 ................ Doctor Who 19:00 ..... One Born Every Minute 20:00....Emergency Bikers 21:00 ................... Grimm 22:00 ......................Crisis

08:55 ........... Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 10:00 ........... Grand Designs

14:30............... Four in a Bed 15:05............... Four in a Bed 17:15 ...Come Dine with Me 18:20.............. Come Dine with Me 20:00... Jimmy’s Australian Food Adventure 21:00.................Car S.O.S 22:00................Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners

23:00 .... Motorway Cops

23:05...... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:20....................... Mom

00:20 ............ Beauty and the Beast

01:15........Crazy Beaches

00:10................. Ramsay’s Hotel Hell

01:20............Doctor Who

01:10......Shameless USA

08:50................... Jelly Jamm 09:00 .....................LazyTown 09:30 ....................... Dora and Friends 10:00 .................. SpongeBob Squarepants 10:18 .................. SpongeBob Squarepants 10:35 ........................... Access 10:45 .........................The Dog Rescuers 11:15 ...................... The Hotel Inspector 12:15 ...................... The Hotel Inspector

06:00 ......The Hour of Power 07:00 ............Are You Smarter Than a 10 Year Old?

06:00 .......... Premier League Legends

08:00 .......................Top Gear

06:30 .......... Premier League Legends

08:00.................Chris and Wes: Let’s Do This

09:00....................... Top Gear

09:00 .................Hawaii Five-0

10:30 .................Trawlermen

10:00 ........NCIS: Los Angeles 11:00.........................WWE Raw 12:00....... Football’s Funniest Moments 13:00 ............. Modern Family 13:30 ............... The Simpsons

13:15 .............. Lost in Space

17:00..................... Moone Boy

15:50 .......................Surf’s Up

17:30 ............... The Simpsons

17:25 ..................A Bug’s Life

18:00..............About a Boy 18:30 ..........The Simpsons

21:00 ... Indian Summers

19:10.................... 5 News Weekend

22:00....... Britain’s Racist Election

19:15 ..............Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

20:00 ..................The Flash

23:05 ................... Eclipse

21:00.............. Killer Elite

01:15... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA

23:20 ................ Revolver

22:00....NCIS: Los Angeles

01:35 .........Super Casino

07:10 ............... Three Men in Another Boat

19:00 ..............Wild Things

10:00................. Trawlermen 11:00 ........ Storage Hunters 11:30 ........ Storage Hunters 12:00 ........ Storage Hunters 12:30 ........ Storage Hunters 13:00........ Storage Hunters

07:00.......... Premier League Legends 07:30 .......... Premier League Legends 08:00 ............. Football Gold 08:15 ............. Football Gold 08:30 ............. Football Gold

13:30 ........ Storage Hunters

09:00 .................. The Sunday Supplement

15:00 ...... American Pickers

10:30 ....... Goals on Sunday

19:00.... Storage Hunters

12:30 ...Ford Super Sunday

20:00...................... QI XL

15:30....Ford Super Sunday

22:00...... Mock the Week

19:00.............. Sky Sports Originals

22:40...... Mock the Week 23:20.......Have I Got a Bit More News for You

20:00... Goals on Sunday

00:00........... Hawaii Five-0

00:15.......Have I Got a Bit More News for You

23:00..................Football

01:00....NCIS: Los Angeles

01:10.... Storage Hunters

21:00........... Hawaii Five-0

21:00 .................Football 01:10 ..............Sky Sports Originals

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Red Arrows: Inside the Bubble BBC2, 20:00

Documentary providing exclusive behind-thescenes access to one of the world’s premier aerobatic display teams, the Red Arrows.

The film offers a unique insight into the 120strong team of pilots and ground crew as they prepare to celebrate their 50th display season and turn British skies red, white and blue.

Dragons’ Den BBC2, 21:00

Series in which budding entrepreneurs pitch business ideas to multimillionaires.

Variety is the spice of life in the Den - edible insects give some of the Dragons the creeps, a couple of young entrepreneurs look sharp with their bespoke suit-tailoring business and an eco skip on wheels causes confusion in the ranks. Will a registered nurse gain investment for her life-saving product, or will the Dragons have more enthusiasm for a Scottish energy-drinks business?

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TV Guide

Kew On A Plate - Spring BBC2, 21.00

Michelin-starred chef Raymond Blanc and presenter Kate Humble have been given the unique opportunity to spend a year at the famous botanical gardens at Kew, to re-establish the long-lost kitchen gardens that once provided produce for the royal table - from George II to Queen Victoria.

In this first episode, it is spring at Kew, and after a long, dark winter, nature is coming back to life. Raymond learns about the famous rhubarb triangle in Yorkshire, where early rhubarb was produced, before harvesting his own at Kew to make his sublime version of rhubarb and custard. And what better way to complement this dessert than with the exotic spice vanilla? Kate finds out how a 12 year-old slave enabled vanilla to become the popular flavour it is today.

Nothing heralds the arrival of spring more than the first fresh asparagus and so Raymond gets to work planting some asparagus crowns at Kew. Domestic historian Ruth Goodman shows Kate an old Roman asparagus recipe and Raymond makes a light spring dish – grilled asparagus tips.

For his fresh spring spinach and chorizo tortilla, Raymond harvests the first potato crop of the season, while Kate discovers how war with France turned us into a nation of potato eaters. She also reveals how a toxic chemical was an ingredient used to brighten the colour of dull green canned peas in Victorian times.

And as the season draws to a close, Kate takes a ride on the Watercress Line where she hears the rags-to-riches story of Eliza James, the Covent Garden Watercress Queen.

Back at Kew, Raymond and Kate sample some micro watercress to use as a garnish for Raymond’s pea risotto.

13th March - 19th March 2015

M onday 06:00 ...................... Breakfast 09:15 ............... Heir Hunters 10:00 ...... Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 ...........The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45 ............ Watchdog Test House 12:15.............. Bargain Hunt 13:00 ...... BBC News at One 13:45 .........................Doctors 14:15...................... The Edge 15:00 ...............Escape to the Country 15:45 ..............Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 16:15 ...........................Flog It! 17:15....................... Pointless 18:00.... BBC News at Six 19:00 .......The One Show 19:30 ............. Inside Out 20:00 ............ EastEnders 20:30........What Britain W C Wants - Somewhere choice to Work W 21:00...........New Tricks Coi ch ce 22:00.... BBC News at Ten 22:45 ......Have I Got a Bit More Old News for You 23:30.. Live at the Apollo 00:15.............Junkhearts

Arthur & George ITV1, 21.00 Arthur is determined to prove all his doubters wrong, and find out for himself if George has been hiding anything. He attacks the case with renewed fervour, and manages to uncover fresh evidence that suggests a very different explanation to the one found by the police.

Woodie is at first dismayed by Arthur’s continued interest in this particular pursuit.

However, Woodie is then re-convinced by Arthur that they are onto something: they may have the real culprit in their sights, and the very fact that they are so close to the truth is the reason the Wyrley Ripper has been trying this hard to put them off.

Arthur is single-minded in his resolve to take his fight to the highest echelons of the British Establishment, even if this means exposing prejudice and corruption within its ranks. He and Woodie are led into further danger though, when it seems that the Wyrley Ripper is still at large. Indeed, they could even have set themselves a new target – to outwit the creator of the world’s most famous consulting detective. Will Arthur be able to unlock the case and prove to the world that George was indeed innocent; and prove to himself that he no longer need feel any guilt and be able to move on with his life?

06:05 ....................Perfection 07:35 .................Animal Park 08:20 ........Countryside 999 09:05 .... Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 10:05.... The Great Antiques Map of Britain 10:35 ............................... Click 11:00 .....................BBC News 12:00....... The Daily Politics 13:00.......... The A to Z of TV Cooking 13:15 .... Cagney and Lacey 14:05....... The World at War 15:00 .......................... Wogan 15:45............ Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 16:15 ............. Three Up, Two Down 16:45 ...................... Hi-De-Hi! 17:15 ..........Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:00............. Two Tribes 18:30 .............. Eggheads 19:00 ................Top Gear 20:00 .............. University Challenge 20:30 ........ Only Connect 21:00.....Kew on a Plate CWce ch oi 22:00....... House of Fools 22:30 .............Newsnight 23:20......... Dragons’ Den

06:00 ............ Good Morning Britain 08:30 ........................ Lorraine 09:25 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30.............. This Morning 10:55...................... ITV News 11:00 .............. This Morning 12:30 ............ Loose Women 13:30.............. ITV News and Weather 14:00.............. Judge Rinder 15:00.................... Dickinson’s Real Deal 16:00 ........1000 Heartbeats 17:00 ....................The Chase 18:00.. ITV News London 19:00............ Emmerdale 19:30....Coronation Street 20:00...............More Tales From Northumberland with Robson Green 20:30....Coronation Street 21:00...........Arthur and W C George choice 22:00...... ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:40..........The Jonathan Ross Show 23:45......... A Great Welsh Adventure with Griff Rhys Jones

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

1 6 th 06:00................. Countdown

06:00 ............. The Wotwots!

06:45 ........................... King of Queens

06:10 .................Igam Ogam

07:10.............. 3rd Rock from the Sun

06:30 ................Toot the Tiny Tugboat

07:35 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:45 .....................Peppa Pig

08:00........ Everybody Loves Raymond

06:55...................... Pip Ahoy!

08:30 ........Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00........................... Frasier 09:30 ........................... Frasier 10:00........ Undercover Boss Canada 11:00 .........Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home 12:00 ......... Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 ................... Come Dine with Me 13:05 ...............A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 14:10 .................Countdown 15:00 ........................... Deal or No Deal 16:00 ................... Come Dine with Me 17:00 ...............Four in a Bed 17:30 ....................Coach Trip 18:00........ The Simpsons 18:30 .............. Hollyoaks 19:00 ..................Channel 4 News

06:20.............. Fireman Sam

06:50 .....................Peppa Pig 07:10............. Little Princess 07:20........................... The Mr. Men Show 07:35 ..........................Thomas and Friends 07:50 ......Noddy in Toyland 08:00 ........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 08:10..................... Peppa Pig 08:15 .....................Peppa Pig 08:25..................... Peppa Pig 08:30 .....................Peppa Pig 08:35 .........Toby’s Travelling Circus 08:45.................... Bananas in Pajamas

06:15..................... Babylon 5 07:00 ................ Doctor Who 08:00 ...................MasterChef Australia 09:00 .......................... The Bill 11:00 ................. Traffic Cops 12:00 ......................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 13:00............. Choccywoccydoodah: Starstruck 14:00 ..............Tipping Point 15:00.... Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 16:00................Escape to the Country 17:00................. Doctor Who 18:00......... Border Patrol 19:00..............Masterchef Ireland 20:0....... Motorway Cops 21:00 ..... The Call Centre 22:00........ The Catherine Tate Show 23:20................... Britain’s Bravest Cops

08:55 ....Location, Location, Location

06:00....Nothing to Declare: Australia

07:00........... Storage Hunters

06:00 ............. Football Gold 07:00 .................... WWE Raw 08:00 ....... Goals on Sunday 09:00 ............... Ford Football Special 10:30............. Football Gold 12:00 .Sky Sports Originals 13:00 .............FL72 - Review 14:00 ....... Goals on Sunday 15:00 ............... Ford Football Special 16:30 .........Fantasy Football Club Highlights 17:00 ........Soccer A.M. - The Best Bits 18:00........ FL72 - Review 19:00 ......... Ford Monday Night Football 23:00 .......... Carragher: A Liverpool Life 00:00 ........Football Gold 01:00 .....SPFL Round Up 01:30 .... MNF Highlights

10:00.................... Come Dine with Me 11:05....River Cottage Bites 11:20 ....Guadalcanal Diary 13:10 ...................Time Team 15:20 .....A Place in the Sun 17:25 ..........Jamie’s Comfort Food 17:55.................... Come Dine with Me 19:00... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 19:55...... Grand Designs 21:00 ................ Location, Location, Location 22:00 .........Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 23:05......... Embarrassing Bodies 01:10 ................ Location, Location, Location

09:15 ........ The Wright Stuff 11:10 ...................... The Hotel Inspector 12:10............................ 5 News Lunchtime 12:15 ............The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 13:15 ........Home and Away 13:45 .................Neighbours

20:00........................ Food Unwrapped

14:15 ............................... NCIS

21:00 .................. Britain’s Benefit Tenants

17:00 ..................5 News at 5

22:30................... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

06:00.............. Life’s Funniest Moments 06:25............................. Psych 07:10...................Emmerdale 07:40 .....Coronation Street 08:40 ................ Dinner Date 09:40 ............... Catchphrase 10:20 ............................. Psych 11:15 .................. Royal Pains 12:10 ..................Emmerdale 12:40..... Coronation Street 13:40................ Dinner Date 14:40 ......... The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 ........... You’ve Been Framed!

20:00 ...............Two and a Half Men 21:00 ...................... Mom 22:00 .......... Rush Hour 2 23:55............... Two and a Half Men 00:50 .......... The Vampire Diaries

09:00................... Tickety Toc

19:30............ Dispatches

22:00..................... Raised

by Wolves

M arch

15:15 ...........Assumed Killer 17:30 .................Neighbours 18:00 ... Home and Away 18:30..... 5 News Tonight 19:00 ............ The Gadget Show

07:00.......... Inside RAF Brize Norton 08:00..........Emergency with Angela Griffin 09:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles 11:00 ..............Hawaii Five-0 13:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles 15:00.. Emergency Abroad 16:00..................... Futurama 17:00 .............The Simpsons 17:30 ..................... Futurama 18:30 ....... The Simpsons 20:00 ..........................The Holidaymakers 21:00 ............Moone Boy

23:35..................24 Hours in A and E

20:00 ......................Police Interceptors

00:30... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA

21:00 ................. Gotham

22:30 ...................Critical

21:55 ................. Gotham

23:30........ Hawaii Five-0

01:20 .............. The Secret Millionaire

22:50 ...............Outbreak

00:30 ........ Hawaii Five-0

01:15 .........Super Casino

01:30....NCIS: Los Angeles

21:30..................... Arrow

07:25 ............ Extreme Fishing with Robson Green 08:10 ..........................Top Gear 10:00 ...........Storage Hunters 11:00 .......Lizard Lick Towing 12:00 ..........................Top Gear 14:00 ...........Storage Hunters 14:30............. Sin City Motors 15:30........... Storage Hunters 16:00....... Lizard Lick Towing 17:00.......................... Top Gear 19:00...... Storage Hunters 21:00 ....... Mock the Week 22:20.. Would I Lie to You? 23:00............................... QI 23:40.......................Would I Lie to You? 00:20 .......8 Out of 10 Cats 00:50 ..... Storage Hunters 01:20 .. Lizard Lick Towing 01:50........ Mock the Week

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What Britain Wants Somewhere to Work BBC1, 20:30

As the general election approaches, Clive Myrie reports the third of Panorama’s fourpart series - ‘What Britain Wants’.

A home for your family, a decent job, being part of a community and hope for the future - all helped define the good life in this country for generations.

New Tricks BBC1, 21:00

Drama featuring an eccentric group of ex-police officers brought out of retirement to investigate unsolved crimes.

Jack Halford deals a devastating blow to UCOS; he’s quitting. But before the team Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman, Brian Lane and Gerry Standing - can question the reasons behind his decision and persuade him to stay, shadowy Whitehall Intelligence figure Stephen Fisher arrives with one of his secret cases, the unsolved murder of a woman dating back 100 years, giving them just 24 hours to solve it.

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TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

T uesday 06:00 ...................... Breakfast

06:05 ....................Perfection

09:15 ............... Heir Hunters

07:35........... The Sheriffs are Coming

10:00 ...... Homes Under the Hammer

08:20 ........Countryside 999

06:00 ............ Good Morning Britain 08:30........................ Lorraine 09:25 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show

11:00 ...........The Sheriffs are Coming

09:05 .............. Your Home in Their Hands

11:45 ............ Watchdog Test House

10:05... The Great Antiques Map of Britain

10:55...................... ITV News

12:15 .............. Bargain Hunt

10:35 ..................... HARDtalk

13:00 ...... BBC News at One

11:00 .....................BBC News

12:30............ Loose Women

13:40 .................BBC London News

12:00....... The Daily Politics

13:45......................... Doctors 14:15...................... The Edge 15:00 ...............Escape to the Country

13:00.......... The A to Z of TV Cooking 13:20 ..................... The Super League Show 14:05 .......The World at War

15:45.............. Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman

15:00 .......................... Wogan

16:15........................... Flog It! 17:15 .......................Pointless

16:15 ...................... Three Up, Two Down

18:00............... BBC News at Six

16:45 ...................... Hi-De-Hi!

15:45 ............ Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em

19:00 .......The One Show

17:15 ..........Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

19:30 ............ EastEnders

18:00 ............. Two Tribes

20:00 ............. Holby City

18:30 .............. Eggheads

21:00.....Ordinary Lies

19:00..... The Hairy Bikers and Lorraine Pascale

CW ch oi ce

20:00........Back in Time CW for Dinner choice

22:00 ............... BBC News at Ten

21:00.................. Horizon

22:45 .................. ife After Suicide

22:30 .............Newsnight

23:45 ........... The Double 01:15 ..... Weather for the Week Ahead 01:20............... BBC News

22:00 ..................... Nurse 23:20............Suffragettes Forever! The Story of Women and Power 00:20...... Italy Unpacked

10:30.............. This Morning 11:00.............. This Morning 13:30.............. ITV News and Weather 14:00 .............. Judge Rinder 15:00 ................... Dickinson’s Real Deal 16:00 ........1000 Heartbeats 17:00 ....................The Chase 18:00 ................ ITV News London 18:30 .........ITV News and Weather 19:00 ........... Emmerdale 19:30..................UEFA Champions League Live Monaco v Arsenal.

Mark Pougatch presents coverage of the second leg of Arsenal’s last-16 Champions League tie against Monaco. Arsene Wenger returns to Monaco facing a big task to qualify for the quarter-finals, after a 94th minute goal means his team trail 3-1 from the home leg. Studio analysis comes from Lee Dixon, Paul Scholes and Emmanuel Petit - who played for both sides under Wenger. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

22:00 ..... ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:40....UEFA Champions League: Extra Time 23:40.............Carry on Up the Jungle 01:10............ Jackpot247

uesday

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

1 7 th 06:00 .................Countdown

06:00 ............. The Wotwots!

06:45 ........................... King of Queens

06:10................. Igam Ogam

07:10 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:30 ................Toot the Tiny Tugboat

07:35 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:45 .....................Peppa Pig

08:00 ........Everybody Loves Raymond

06:55...................... Pip Ahoy!

08:30 ........Everybody Loves Raymond

07:20.... The Mr. Men Show

06:20.............. Fireman Sam

06:50 .....................Peppa Pig 07:10............. Little Princess

09:00 ........................... Frasier

07:35 .................Thomas and Friends

09:30........................... Frasier

07:50.......Noddy in Toyland

10:00 ........ Undercover Boss Canada

08:00........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom

11:00 .........Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home

08:10 .....................Peppa Pig

12:00 ......... Channel 4 News Summary

08:25..................... Peppa Pig

12:05................... Come Dine with Me

08:35 .........Toby’s Travelling Circus

13:05...................... A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun

08:45 ....................Bananas in Pajamas

14:10 .................Countdown

09:15........ The Wright Stuff

15:00......... Deal or No Deal

11:10 ...................... The Hotel Inspector

16:00 ................... Come Dine with Me 17:00................Four in a Bed 17:30 ....................Coach Trip

08:15 .....................Peppa Pig 08:30..................... Peppa Pig

march 06:00 ..............Life’s Funniest Moments 06:25 ............................. Psych 07:10 ..................Emmerdale 07:40 .....Coronation Street 08:40................. Dinner Date 09:40 ............... Catchphrase 10:20 ............................. Psych 11:15 .................. Royal Pains 12:10 ..................Emmerdale 12:40..... Coronation Street 13:40 ................ Dinner Date 14:40................... The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 ........... You’ve Been Framed!

20:00........... Dinner Date 21:00........ Hell’s Kitchen 22:00... Ibiza Weekender 23:00.......... Reality Bites 23:40.... The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 00:15 ...............Two and a Half Men

06:15 .....................Babylon 5 07:00 ................ Doctor Who 08:00 ...................MasterChef Australia 09:00.......................... The Bill 11:00 ................. Traffic Cops 12:00 ......................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 13:00.... Masterchef Ireland 14:00 ..............Tipping Point 15:00.... Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 16:00....................... Escape to the Country 17:00................ Doctor Who 18:00 ........ Border Patrol 19:00............. Masterchef Ireland 20:00 .................. Britain’s Bravest Cops 21:00 ............Paranormal Witness 22:00................... Grimm 23:00 .... Motorway Cops

08:55.... Location, Location, Location

06:00 ....................Nothing to Declare: Australia

07:00 ........ Storage Hunters

06:00............. Football Gold 08:00........ Soccer A.M. - The Best Bits 09:00......... MNF Highlights 11:30.......... SPFL Round Up 12:00......... Fantasy Football Club Highlights 12:30 ................ One2eleven 13:00..........Barclays Premier League Review 14:00 .............FL72 - Review 15:00......... MNF Highlights 17:30 .........Fantasy Football Club Highlights 18:00.... Barclays Premier League Review 19:00.........Football Gold 19:10 .Football’s Greatest 19:40 .................Football 21:35.... Barclays Premier League Review 22:30 ........FL72 - Review 23:30........ Football Gold 01:00 ... Barclays Premier League Review

12:10........................... 5 News Lunchtime 12:15 ..................GPs: Behind Closed Doors

07:00 ..........Inside RAF Brize Norton

13:15 ........Home and Away 13:45 .................Neighbours

09:00..... NCIS: Los Angeles

14:15 ............................... NCIS

20:00.......... Mary Portas: Secret Shopper

11:00 ..............Hawaii Five-0

15:15.... My Family’s Secret

12:00 ..............Hawaii Five-0

21:00................ One Born Every Minute

17:00.................. 5 News at 5

13:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles

17:30 .................Neighbours

15:00...Emergency Abroad

18:30 .............. Hollyoaks 19:00.... Channel 4 News

22:00............ Gogglebox 23:00............. First Dates 00:00..... Pokerstars.Com European Poker Tour 00:55 ..........KOTV Boxing Weekly 01:25 ................... Mobil 1 The Grid 01:50..............Transworld Sport

W C ch o i ce

10:15 .....A Place in the Sun 10:45 ........ The Battle of The River Plate 13:10................... Time Team 15:20..... A Place in the Sun 17:25.......... Jamie’s Comfort Food 17:55 ................... Come Dine with Me 19:00... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 19:55 ...... Grand Designs 21:00 .......Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 22:00 ...... Grand Designs 23:10 ..... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 00:15 ................ Ramsay’s Hotel Hell

09:00 ...................Tickety Toc

08:00 .........Emergency with Angela Griffin

18:00 ....... The Simpsons

10:00 ...........................Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

18:00.... Home and Away 18:30 ..... 5 News Tonight 19:00 ......................Police Interceptors 20:00................ Costa Del Casualty: Benidorm ER

16:00 ..................... Futurama 17:00..............The Simpsons 17:30..................... Futurama 18:30 ....... The Simpsons 19:00 ....... The Simpsons 20:00 ..... Modern Family

21:00 ...........The Benefits Estate

21:00 ...................Critical

22:00........Most Shocking TV Moments

23:00....NCIS: Los Angeles

00:55..........Super Casino

01:00 ........ Hawaii Five-0

22:00 .................. Forever 00:00....NCIS: Los Angeles

07:25.......... Extreme Fishing with Robson Green 08:10....................... Top Gear 10:00 ........ Storage Hunters 11:00 .... Lizard Lick Towing 12:00 .......................Top Gear 14:00 ........ Storage Hunters 14:30 .......... Sin City Motors 15:30 ........ Storage Hunters 16:00 .... Lizard Lick Towing 17:00 .......................Top Gear 18:00................ Top Gear 19:00.... Storage Hunters 20:00 ...................... QI XL 22:00.............Alan Davies as Yet Untitled 23:00 ........................... QI 23:40 .Would I Lie to You? 00:15..... 8 Out of 10 Cats 00:45.... Storage Hunters 01:15...Lizard Lick Towing

Back In Time For Dinner BBC2, 20.00

In brand new BBC Two six-part series, Back In Time For Dinner, one British family embark on an extraordinary time travelling adventure to discover how a post war revolution in the food we eat has transformed the way we live.

Starting in 1950 and guided by real records of what ordinary families ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner, they’ll go from meagre rations to ready meals and delivery pizza in just six weeks.

The family’s own home becomes their time machine and in this first episode, travels back to 1950 so it’s goodbye open plan living, hello formal dining room and poky kitchen with the most basic facilities.

Guided by presenter Giles Coren and food historian Polly Russell, and the National Food Survey, an extraordinary collection of food diaries from the last 50 years, the family can only consume the food of the period – cue a diet of dried eggs, national bread, dripping and liver. And taking on the roles of the period, it’s mum Rochelle doing all the cooking, while dad Brandon is banished to the hearthside with a pipe and slippers.

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Ordinary Lies BBC1, 21.00 Set in a car showroom, Ordinary Lies is a compelling drama about how a simple lie can spiral out of control.

With drama, tragedy, warmth and humour, each episode focuses on one of the colleagues and friends of JS Motors. From partyloving receptionists, Tracy and Viv, to enigmatic salesman, ‘Paracetemol’ Pete, each new and individual story questions just how well we know the people we work with.

The first episode of the six-part series tells the story of family man and salesman, Marty McLean.

Stuck in a rut both at home and at work, when Marty receives his final warning for being late from company boss, Mike, he knows the pressure is on.

However, when another heavy night of drinking leads to him sleeping through his alarm, Marty fears his number is up. Knowing he is on thin ice, Marty calls work and, in a panicked attempt to save his job, tells the drastic lie that his wife, Katrina, has tragically died.

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TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

W ednesday 06:00 ....................Perfection

06:00 ...................... Breakfast 09:15 ............... Heir Hunters 10:00 ...... Homes Under the Hammer 11:00........... The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45 .....................Watchdog Test House 12:15 .............. Bargain Hunt

06:45 ....................Perfection

06:00 ............ Good Morning Britain

07:30 ...........The Sheriffs are Coming

08:30........................ Lorraine

08:15 ........Countryside 999

09:25 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show

09:00....... Eat Well for Less?

10:30.............. This Morning

10:00...................... The Great Antiques Map of Britain

10:55 ...................... ITV News

10:30 .......................See Hear

13:00 ...... BBC News at One

11:00 .....................BBC News

13:40.....BBC London News

11:30............... Budget 2015

13:45......................... Doctors

15:30........................... Wogan

14:15 ......................The Edge 15:00 ...............Escape to the Country

16:15 ...................... Three Up, Two Down

15:45 ..............Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman

16:45 ...................... Hi-De-Hi! 17:15.......... Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

16:15........................... Flog It!

18:00............. Two Tribes

17:15 .......................Pointless

18:30............... Eggheads

18:00.... BBC News at Six

19:00 .....Britain’s Got the Builders In

18:30 .BBC London News

20:00...Stargazing Live

19:00........The One Show

21:00......Stargazing Live

20:00........... MasterChef 21:00...........The Billion Dollar Chicken Shop

CW

ch oi ce

22:00 ... BBC News at Ten

21:30............... Eat to Live Forever with Giles Coren

22:45............. A Question of Sport 23:15 ............. Hollywood Homicide 01:05 ..... Weather for the Week Ahead

12:15 .................. The Budget 2015 14:00............... Judge Rinder 15:00................... Dickinson’s Real Deal 16:00 ................................1000 Heartbeats 17:00.................... The Chase 18:00 ................ ITV News London 18:30 .........ITV News and Weather 19:00............ Emmerdale 19:30............. Coronation Street 20:00 ................ Big Star’s Little Star 21:00 ..............DCI Banks

23:20 ................. Horizon

22:00 ................ ITV News at Ten and Weather

00:20.................See Hear

22:40 ............... Pop Gold

00:50 ...........Suffragettes Forever! The Story of Women and Power

23:40 ..................... Duran Duran: One Night Only

01:50...... This is BBC Two

00:40........... Jackpot247

22:30 .............Newsnight

22:25. BBC London News

W C ch o i ce

CW ch oi ce

11:00............... This Morning

Stargazing Live BBC2, 20.00

LIVE NEW Presented by Professor Brian Cox and Dara O Briain, Stargazing Live will broadcast four programmes in the run up to and during the solar eclipse which takes place on Friday 20 March across the UK. The programmes will come from Jodrell Bank Observatory in Macclesfield, Cheshire, with a special episode transmitting during the eclipse itself, between 9am and 10am.

This special will feature a live remote OB from the Faroe Islands, one of only two sites in the world where a total eclipse will occur, lasting for nearly three minutes (two mins 46 seconds). Brian and Dara, along with special guests, will explain why the eclipse happens and also how best to see the event safely. Viewers will be able to enjoy the best vantage point by watching the programme during the event, as the team attempt to catch the total eclipse live on camera from a plane at 30,000 feet above the Faroe Islands.

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

ednesday

1 8 th

06:00 .................Countdown

06:00 ............. The Wotwots!

06:45 ..........King of Queens

06:10 .................Igam Ogam

07:10 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:20.............. Fireman Sam

07:35.............. 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:00 ........Everybody Loves Raymond 08:30 ........Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 ........................... Frasier 09:30........................... Frasier 10:00......... Undercover Boss Canada 11:00 .........Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home 12:00 ......... Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 ................... Come Dine with Me 13:05......A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 14:10 .................Countdown 15:00 ......... Deal or No Deal 16:00 ................... Come Dine with Me 17:00 ...............Four in a Bed 17:30.................... Coach Trip 18:00 ....... The Simpsons 18:30 .............. Hollyoaks 19:00 .... Channel 4 News 20:00....... Three in a Bed 21:00............. 24 Hours in A and E 22:00..............First Dates

06:30 ................Toot the Tiny Tugboat 06:45 .....................Peppa Pig 06:50..................... Peppa Pig 06:55.......................Pip Ahoy!

07:10.............. Little Princess 07:20 ...........................The Mr. Men Show 07:35................. Thomas and Friends 07:50...... Noddy in Toyland 08:00 ........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 08:10 .....................Peppa Pig 08:15..................... Peppa Pig 08:35 .........Toby’s Travelling Circus 08:45.................... Bananas in Pajamas 09:00................... Tickety Toc

12:10 ....5 News Lunchtime 12:15 ...... Holiday Love Rats Exposed 13:15 ........Home and Away 13:45 .................Neighbours

08:55 ................ Location, Location, Location

06:00 ...Nothing to Declare: Australia

07:00........ Storage Hunters 07:25.......... Extreme Fishing with Robson Green 08:10....................... Top Gear 10:00 ........ Storage Hunters 11:00 .... Lizard Lick Towing 12:00 .......................Top Gear 14:00 ........ Storage Hunters 14:30 .......... Sin City Motors 15:30........ Storage Hunters 16:00.... Lizard Lick Towing 17:00 .......................Top Gear 19:00... Storage Hunters 21:00...................... QI XL 22:00 ...................Would I Lie to You? 22:40............ Alan Davies as Yet Untitled 23:40................... Would I Lie to You? 00:20.... 8 Out of 10 Cats 00:50 ... Storage Hunters 01:25...Lizard Lick Towing

06:00.............. Football Gold 07:00....... WWE Experience 08:00......... Game Changers 09:00 ..................The Premier League Years 11:00.......... Premier League Legends 12:00............. Football Gold 13:00 ..................The Premier League Years 15:00................... Ryan Giggs: A United Life 16:00......Football’s Greatest Managers 16:30 ....Football’s Greatest 17:00............. Football Gold 18:00 ........... Boots ‘n’ All 19:00........ Football Gold 19:10.. Football’s Greatest 19:40 .................Football 21:35 ...Football’s Greatest 22:05.........Football Gold 23:00............ Boots ‘n’ All

07:00 .....................Inside RAF Brize Norton

14:15 ... NCIS: New Orleans

08:00 .........Emergency with Angela Griffin

15:15.................. Dead Lines

09:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles

17:00.................. 5 News at 5

10:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles

17:30 .................Neighbours

11:00 ..............Hawaii Five-0

19:00 ....Trauma Doctors 20:00 ........... GPs: Behind Closed Doors 21:00....My Violent Child: My Secret Shame 22:00... Neighbours 30th: The Stars Reunite

00:55................... Control

06:15 .....................Babylon 5 07:00 ................ Doctor Who 08:00 ...................MasterChef Australia 09:00.......................... The Bill 11:00 ................. Traffic Cops 12:00 ......................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 13:00... Masterchef Ireland 14:00 ..............Tipping Point 15:00 ... Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 16:00...................... Escape to the Country 17:00 ................ Doctor Who 18:00 ........ Border Patrol 19:00 .............Masterchef Ireland 20:00..... Motorway Cops 21:00.................... Grimm 22:00................. Dynamo: Magician Impossible 23:00.................. Britain’s Bravest Cops

10:00 ............. Come Dine with Me 11:05.............. Please Sir! 13:10 .............Time Team 14:15 .............Time Team 15:20......... A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:20.... A Place in the Sun 17:25.................... Jamie’s Comfort Food 17:55 ............. Come Dine with Me 19:00... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 19:55 ...... Grand Designs 21:00...Tiny House Nation 22:00...... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 00:05................. Ramsay’s Hotel Hell 01:00....... Grand Designs

11:10...................... The Hotel Inspector

18:30 ..... 5 News Tonight

00:00................ One Born Every Minute

06:00 ..............Life’s Funniest Moments 06:25............................. Psych 07:10 ..................Emmerdale 07:40.................. You’ve Been Framed!

08:40.................. Dinner Date 09:40 ............... Catchphrase 10:20............................. Psych 11:15................... Royal Pains 12:10 ..................Emmerdale 12:40 .You’ve Been Framed and Famous!

13:40................ Dinner Date 14:40 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00............ You’ve Been Framed!

20:00 ...............Two and a Half Men 21:00........... The Vampire Diaries 22:00.....The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 01:15........... The Vampire Diaries

09:15........ The Wright Stuff

18:00 ... Home and Away

23:00 ......... My Self Harm Nightmare

march

12:00.............. Hawaii Five-0 13:00..... NCIS: Los Angeles 15:00...Emergency Abroad 16:00..................... Futurama 17:00 .............The Simpsons 17:30 ..................... Futurama 18:00 .............. Futurama 18:30 ....... The Simpsons

23:30 ...........Neighbours

20:00 ........... Wild Things

23:55 ...........Neighbours

21:00... Lethal Weapon 2

00:25 ..................The Dog Rescuers

23:15 ..................... Stella

00:55......... Super Casino

01:15........ Hawaii Five-0

00:15....NCIS: Los Angeles

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Billion Dollar Chicken Shop BBC1, 21.00

With unique topto-bottom access, this three-part observational documentary series goes inside the fast food giant KFC UK. From its boardroom to its kitchens, the series features the people responsible for the daily operations of one of the most globally recognised food brands in the world.

Episode one reveals how the huge machine that is ‘fast food chicken’ works on a mass scale.

At the top of the tree, Managing Director Martin strives to expand his empire of 850 stores nationwide, while keeping his predominantly young workforce motivated. Meanwhile, at the opposite end of the KFC ladder, feisty 17 year-old Beth, who has just joined the fast food chain in Manchester, struggles to find her way in her new job.

For the first time, cameras are allowed inside one of the chicken farms that supply KFC with the 23 million chickens it serves to its customers each year.

CW 34

W C ch o i ce

TV Guide

The Triplets Are Coming!

www.canarianweekly.com 13th March - 19th March 2015

T hursday

ITV1, 21.00

“People say that you can’t believe how much emotion you have but it’s beyond that. It’s like every fibre in 06:00 ............ Good Morning 06:00 ...................... Breakfast 06:05 ....................Perfection your body is just so in love with them. It’s unbelievable.” Steph Webb, Britain 07:35 . . .........The Sheriffs are 09:15 ............... Heir Hunters pregnant with triplets Coming 08:30. . ......................

Lorraine 10:00 ...... Homes Under the The number of multiple births has almost doubled in the last 30 years.

08:20 ........Countryside 999 09:25 ...................The Jeremy Hammer Doctors attribute this rise, in part, to changing lifestyles and the rising 09:05 .................Great British Kyle Show use of assisted reproduction techniques, including in vitro fertilisation 11:00 ...........The Sheriffs are Garden Revival (IVF).

10:30.............. This Morning Coming 10:05 ... The Great Antiques With around 200 sets of triplets born every year in Britain, this brand 12:30 ............ Loose Women 11:45 ............ Watchdog Test Map of Britain new, two part, intimate, sensitive and joyous documentary series, alHouse 10:35 ..................... HARDtalk 13:30.............. ITV News and lows viewers a unique insight into the journey faced by couples expectWeather 12:15.............. Bargain Hunt 11:00. . ..................

BBC News ing three babies at once. With exclusive access to the multiple birth 12:00 .......The Daily Politics 14:00 .............. Judge Rinder 13:00 ...... BBC News at One clinic at University College Hospital in London, the programme cap13:00 .......... The A to Z of TV tures the highs and lows experienced during a multiple pregnancy and 15:00................... Dickinson’s 13:45 .........................Doctors Cooking the medical challenges facing the couples.

Real Deal 14:15 ......................The Edge 13:15 .... Cagney and Lacey Women carrying more than one baby face a higher risk and more un16:00. . .....

1000 Heartbeats 15:00 ...............Escape to the predictable pregnancy. They are scanned every week or two for their 14:00 .......The World at War 17:00.....................The Chase Country entire term, to monitor any potential complications and doctors are 14:55.......................... Wogan 18:00.... ITV News London 15:45.............. Holiday of My poised to intervene if problems develop. Expectant couples some15:40............ Some Mothers Lifetime with times face agonizing decisions to protect the health of their babies.

18:30 .........ITV News and Do ‘Ave ‘Em Len Goodman Sophisticated medical expertise means that, despite the risks, most Weather 16:15....................... Three Up, triplets are delivered safely. The programme then follows the families, 16:15............................Flog It! Two Down 19:00............ Emmerdale after their babies are born, as they deal with the next challenge of look16:45 ...................... Hi-De-Hi! 17:15 .......................Pointless 19:30 ...........Tonight: The ing after them. Sleep becomes a distant memory and mothers-in-law 17:15...........Put Your Money Food We Eat 18:00 ....

BBC News at Six are forced to come riding to the rescue.

Where Your Mouth Is 20:00............ Emmerdale 18:30... BBC London News Tracy and Paul Kirby, conceived naturally and were astonished when a 18:00............. Two Tribes scan revealed they were expecting three babies. At their 23 week scan, 20:30.....Double Decker 19:00....... The One Show 18:30 .............. Eggheads CW they are shocked to discover that one of the triplets has stopped growDriving School choice 19:30 ............ EastEnders 19:00......Britain’s Got the ing properly. Their doctor believes two of the babies may be suffering 21:00..........The Triplets W Builders In 20:00............ MasterChef C from ‘twin-to-twin transfusion’ where an uneven blood supply means are Coming! choice 20:00 .....Stargazing Live 21:00................ The Truth one is getting too big, while the other remains too small.

22:00..... ITV News at Ten 21:00............... Banished About Sugar The couple are left with an agonising decision between two treatments. and Weather They can opt for a laser operation to correct the bloody supply, which 22:00......Stargazing Live 22:00.... BBC News at Ten 22:40.............. ICC Cricket carries risks to all the babies. Or the medical team can perform a se22:30............. Newsnight 22:25... BBC London News World Cup Highlights lective reduction, which means terminating the weakest baby. They 23:20..................... Quelle 22:45....... Question Time decide on the laser operation, to try and save their smallest triplet.

Catastrophe! France 23:40....... The Great War: Tracy explains why they decided against a selective reduction: “I don’t with Robert Peston 23:45...............This Week The People’s Story think I could do it. I remember a friend telling me that he believes in nature and nature will tell you what to do. And while they are all fighting, it doesn’t seem right.”

In Liverpool, Miraz and Selma Yolcu are about to meet their babies. The lack of space in the womb means that triplets are always born prematurely and Selma is about to have her babies delivered by caesarean section, at 34 weeks.

After the successful operation, the couple are relieved that their babies have arrived safely. However, all three are about half the weight of a normal newborn and are taken a neonatal ward, where they will be kept separately in a warm chamber and monitored around the clock. They are also tube fed until they are big enough to begin breast or bottle feeding, in a few weeks time.

Once home, the hard work really begins. Selma’s mother comes over from Turkey to help the couple take care of their newborns.

Miraz admits: “We couldn’t cope with them, just the two of us. So we had to invite my mother-in-law to come over here to look after them. If she wasn’t here we wouldn’t be coping with them at all.”

Steph and Chris Webb have been desperately trying to have a family for nearly 7 years.

After 2 years of failing to conceive naturally, it has taken a further 5 years of IVF treatment for them to finally fall pregnant. At 26 weeks pregnant, they visit the hospital for their next scan but the news is not good. One of the babies is not growing at the rate the medical team would hope for and their blood supply is looking abnormal. Steph will be closely monitored and their doctor hopes the situation remains stable until the babies reach a size where they have a very good chance of surviving outside the womb.

Talking about their hopes for the rest of the pregnancy, Chris says: “I’m shocked. Every week is a bonus.”

hursday

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

13th March - 19th March 2015

1 9 th 06:00 .................Countdown

06:00............. The Wotwots!

06:45 ..........King of Queens

06:10 .................Igam Ogam

07:10 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun

06:20 .............. Fireman Sam

07:35 ..............3rd Rock from the Sun 08:00.........Everybody Loves Raymond 08:30.........Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 ........................... Frasier 09:30........................... Frasier 10:00........ Undercover Boss Canada 11:00 .........Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home 12:00 ......... Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 ................... Come Dine with Me 13:05............... A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 14:10 .................Countdown 15:00......... Deal or No Deal 16:00................... Come Dine with Me 17:00 ...............Four in a Bed 17:30 ....................Coach Trip 18:00........ The Simpsons 18:30.............. Hollyoaks 19:00.... Channel 4 News 20:00 ........ The Supervet 21:00 .............. Things We Won’t Say About Race That are True 22:25...... Britain’s Benefit Tenants

06:30 ................Toot the Tiny Tugboat 06:45 .....................Peppa Pig 06:50 .....................Peppa Pig 06:55...................... Pip Ahoy!

07:10 ............... ittle Princess 07:20 ...........................The Mr. Men Show 07:35..................Thomas and Friends 07:50 ......Noddy in Toyland 08:00 ........... Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 08:15 .....................Peppa Pig 08:25 .....................Peppa Pig 08:35 .........Toby’s Travelling Circus 08:45 ....................Bananas in Pajamas 09:00 ...................Tickety Toc

06:15 .....................Babylon 5 07:00 ................ Doctor Who 08:00 ...................MasterChef Australia 09:00 .......................... The Bill 11:00 ................. Traffic Cops 12:00 ......................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 13:00.... Masterchef Ireland 14:00...............Tipping Point 15:00.... Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 16:00............... Escape to the Country 17:00 ..................Doctor Who 18:00............ Road Patrol Australia 19:00 .............Masterchef Ireland 20:00................... Grimm 21:00 ......... Resurrection 22:00...... One Born Every Minute 23:00..... Neighbourhood Blues

08:55 ....Location, Location, Location

06:00.................... Nothing to Declare: Australia

07:00 ...........Storage Hunters

06:00 ............. Football Gold

07:25............ Extreme Fishing with Robson Green

08:00 .................. Boots ‘n’ All

08:10 ..........................Top Gear

11:00 .......... Premier League Legends

10:00 ...........................Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 10:20 .....A Place in the Sun 10:55 .............. Conspiracy of Hearts 13:10 ...................Time Team 15:20..... A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:20 .....A Place in the Sun 17:25............. Jamie’s Money Saving Meals 17:55.................... Come Dine with Me 19:00... Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 19:55 ...... Grand Designs 21:00....... The Good Wife 22:00 ...........The Hoarder Next Door 23:05...... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11:10 ...................... The Hotel Inspector 12:10 ........................... 5 News Lunchtime 12:15 ........... Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away!

13:15 ........Home and Away 13:45 .................Neighbours 14:15 ............................... NCIS 15:15 ................ Escape From Polygamy 17:00 ..................5 News at 5 18:00.... Home and Away 18:30 ..... 5 News Tonight 19:00.............. The Classic Car Show 20:00........ Britain’s Worst Crimes

06:30 ....................Nothing to Declare: Australia

09:00 ....Football’s Greatest

07:00 .....................Inside RAF Brize Norton

10:00 ...........Storage Hunters

08:00......... Emergency with Angela Griffin

12:00 ..........................Top Gear

11:30 .......... Premier League Legends

14:00 ...........Storage Hunters

12:00 ............. Football Gold

14:30............. Sin City Motors

13:00............................... FL72

15:30 ...........Storage Hunters

14:00 ..........When Liverpool Ruled Europe

09:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles 10:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles 11:00 ..............Hawaii Five-0 13:00 ..... NCIS: Los Angeles 15:00...Emergency Abroad 16:00 ..................... Futurama 17:00............. The Simpsons 17:30..................... Futurama 18:30........ The Simpsons

11:00 .......Lizard Lick Towing

16:00 .......Lizard Lick Towing 17:00.......................... Top Gear 18:00................... Top Gear 19:00 ..... Storage Hunters 19:30...................... Storage Hunters UK

14:30 .......... Premier League 100 Club 15:30 .......................Football’s Greatest 16:00 .................. Boots ‘n’ All

20:00 ....American Pickers

17:00 ...............................FL72

22:00........ The Mentalist

21:00 .........Have I Got a Bit More News for You

18:00 ................ Ringside

21:00.................. Forever

22:55 ......Mummy’s Little Murderer

22:00 ..........Flintoff: Lord of the Fries

22:00 ..........................Suits

19:00..... Premier League Darts 2015

23:00..NCIS: Los Angeles

23:00 .............................. QI

22:30........................FL72

23:55.....................Access

23:40.. Would I Lie to You?

23:30 ................ Ringside

21:00.......... Holiday Love Rats Exposed

23:55...... Junk Food Kids: Who’s to Blame?

06:00 ..............Life’s Funniest Moments 06:25............................. Psych 07:10 ..................Emmerdale 07:40 .....Coronation Street 08:10.................. You’ve Been Framed!

08:40................ Dinner Date 09:40 ............... Catchphrase 10:20 ............................. Psych 11:15.................. Royal Pains 12:10...................Emmerdale 12:40 .....Coronation Street 13:15 ................. You’ve Been Framed!

13:40 ................ Dinner Date 14:40 ...................The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00............ You’ve Been Framed!

20:00 ...............Two and a Half Men 21:00 ................Scorpion W 22:00 ...... Celebrity JuiceCoi ch ce 22:50 ............ Release the Hounds

09:15 ........ The Wright Stuff

17:30..................Neighbours

23:30 ............... Raised by Wolves

march

20:00..................... Arrow

35 CW

W C ch o i ce

Double Decker Driving School ITV1, 20.30

“When you’re out there you think you’re the world’s best driver. Until you come into an environment like this.

And that’s when you come down with a bang.” - Jim Johnston, bus training officer This new six-part documentary series for ITV focuses on the ultracompetitive world of trainee London bus drivers.

With 20 applicants for every place on the intensive six-week course, the bus drivers’ school promises to be a gateway to a steady salary and a virtual job for life. First, however, the prospective drivers must learn how to safely negotiate a ten-ton bus through London’s overcrowded streets.

The trainees are filmed from the first moment they sit behind the wheel of a bus through a set of increasingly complex manoeuvres designed to test their abilities to the limit.

Those who make it through the early stages then face the toughest assessment of all – their bus driving test, a 90-minute examination.

CW 36

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What’s On in Tenerife

13th March - 19th March 2015

Pablo Milanes returns to Tenerife When: 14th March Where: Pabellón Santiago Martín in Santa Cruz More info: www.tomaticket.es /Pablo-Milanes-Tenerife

The Cuban singer returns to Tenerife for what promises to be an unforgettable concert. Pablo Milanés will preview tracks from his new album ‘Renacimiento’, which takes some of the lesser known Cuban rhythms, keeping the essential elements of jazz which are always present in his music.

Quantum Ensemble This concert features a new approach to classical music. It’s a modern way of interpreting classical music - more flexible and directed to a wider audience. Quantum Ensemble shows take place in a friendly atmosphere in which a direct dialogue with the public is set to place the works in context, through the experiences of musicians.

WHEN: 19th March, 30th April, May 28th WHERE: Auditorio de Tenerife, Santa Cruz MORE DETAILS: www.auditoriodetenerife.com

Dorada Brewery Tour The local beer company opens its doors to unveil the manufacturing process of Dorada beer, from the collection of raw materials to bottling. It’s a guided tour through the facilities explaining each stage of the brewing process. And at the end of the visit you will be invited to a Dorada or two in the Tasting Room. Booking is highly recommended.

When: Every Tuesday Where: Avenida de Ángel Romero in Santa Cruz More info: doradatour.es

Lutherapia Les Luthiers are undoubtedly the most popular comedians in the Spanish-speaking world, guaranteeing an evening of laughter, When: music and good humour! They 21st - 25th March are touring their new show ‘LuWhere: therapia’, based on a hilarious Auditorio de Tenerife in Santa Cruz session of psychoanalysis. This new production has been hailed More info: as one of the best of their 47 entradas.auditoriodetenerife.com year career.

Tegueste Tour Enjoy the scenery and explore the history of the town of Tegueste through over thirty thematic routes that take place throughout the year. Specialized guides will show you the most beautiful scenery of the town, its historical, artistic and archaeological heritage and, of course, vineyards and everything related to its great wine tradition. There are hiking trails, dramatized routes that will transport you to the past or night routes for a unique experience under the moon.

When: Every Day More Info www.tegueste.org

Tenerife Symphony Orchestra VIOLIN concertos and the symphonic works of Mahler are among the highlights of the 2015 season of the Tenerife Symphony Orchestra, under the leadership of Polish maestro Nesterowicz Michal.

When: Until 26th June Where: Auditorio de Tenerife in Santa Cruz More details: www.ost.es

www.canarianweekly.com

Entertainment

13th March - 19th March 2015

By Jamie Droo AS an Elvis Presley fan, I am always intrigued to see one of his tribute acts. But I wouldn’t be so keen to see, let’s say, a Madonna show because I’m not a follower.

37 CW

Will the Buble ever burst?

That doesn’t necessarily mean I wouldn’t enjoy a tribute to the queen of pop. But it’s all about choices in Tenerife and, when it comes to tribute artistes, there are quite a few. So what makes one tribute show more popular than another?

It has to begin with the performer’s publicity and advertising. It is the first thing a first-

PICK OF THE WEEK

IT is often said that every night in Tenerife is like a Saturday night in any UK city or town. So this Tuesday, if you want to party like it’s the weekend, you must seek out Roxy Risque.

You will find this sweet transvestite at Shenanigans Bar, in The Patch area of Las Americas.

Standing almost 7ft tall in heels, Roxy entertains a full house every Tuesday night and never fails to keep an audience laughing and singing along.

He supplies stand-up comedy, audience participation plus song-and-costume changes live on stage, which produce some shockingly-entertaining reactions from the audience.

Wait till you see Roxy’s Cher character and you will know exactly what I mean. This is the only venue where Roxy appears for the entire evening; the rest of his week is spent touring the showbars of Tenerife with a one-hour cabaret show.

If you want to see a whole lot more than an hour of foxy Roxy, then Tuesday at Shenanigans should be your pick of the week.

time audiences will see and, consequently, it can affect their decision as to where to spend an evening.

If an artiste’s poster draws attention, you can bet it will draw a crowd, too. This is then backed up by the venue’s PR and, in turn, by the on-stage host, who should tell the audience just why they should stay for the topof-the-bill show. But, of course, this could prove fruitless if the goods are not delivered by the said artiste.

The performer’s draw starts way before he or she has even entered the stage and, until that point, all other elements mentioned are just a build-up.

All artistes are under scrutiny from the word go and whether a tribute act, comedian, singer, group, band or speciality act, they are in the business of entertainment.

Therefore, no matter what the build-up has been, it is ultimately down to the acts to live up to what the audience have been led to believe about their show.

A good mantra for anyone who works on stage is to always: “Seek to exceed audiences expectations.”

The scrutiny an audience gives artistes is intensified for those performing tribute shows. There is a direct comparison that takes place from the time they see the poster. I have heard so many people say, while looking at advertising boards outside bars: “Don’t look nowt like him.”

I always feel the need to interject, but I think better of it and say “nowt”. Why should it matter if artistes don’t look like the famous faces they are saluting? The money is on the voice surely?

You wouldn’t carry

on watching someone who looks like Adele but can’t sing for toffee. But you would stay if you were watching a great-sounding Michael Buble with ginger hair from Scotland!

That is exactly what happens when people go to see Stuart Beagley. He has been performing his Michael Buble Experience show here for seven years.

First of all, to last that long and always be in work can speak volumes about an artiste, especially here, where there is a lot of competition.

To add to that, I believe there are now more Buble acts than Elvis acts over here now, when you consider that Tenerife was once known for having more Elvis shows than any other resort.

Stuart managed a butcher’s shop in Scotland before moving to the Canaries’ No.1 Island. Since his arrival, he has become a classy entertainer, and he is always the smartest, most immaculatelydressed person in the venue.

A slick tux and shiny shoes identifies him instantly as the billed act as he enters the venue. The first impression has been set and already, the audience are impressed with what they see.

Stuart has an extremely professional approach to work - his publicity posters are a draw and his attire is second to none. In fact, he’s won half the battle before e v e n singing a

note. Michael Buble has many vocal signatures. One is his ability to play around with baritone scales within the melody of a song.

Stuart picks up on this so well, and mimics those scales equally as well.

By now, the audience have been won over and everything is in place for a good show.

His initial address to them cements the relationship as Stuart makes light of the fact that he is from Scotland and looks nothing like Buble.

In fact, to the delight of the crowd, Stuart refers to himself as Michael McBuble, longlost relative of the Canadian crooner.

T h i s

show, as it is now, would work equally as well on a 5-star cruise ship, as it would in a small Los Cristianos bar.

It’s all about engaging your audience. This is where the talent really comes in. Being able to sing is a gift; being able to entertain is a talent.

Stuart’s ability to engage with the audience between songs has grown immensely over the years, and the last time I caught the end of his show, he received a standing ovation.

If you choose to see Stuart, it is this kickerending that will get you on your feet, clapping and cheering as he displays why he is up there with the best acts on the Island. I truly believe this is one Buble that will n e v e r burst!

CW 38

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Wine and Dine

13th March - 19th March 2015

La Cava The restaurant is tucked away up a few steps from the harbour car park and has been owned and operated by Chef Ludo since 1979.

La Cava is proof that expertise and experience add up to excellence. The restaurant is rusticly decorated - unpretentious and welcoming - with a pleasant terrace and a split-level interior. And the lighting is neither too stark, nor too subtle.

By the Harbour, Los Cristianos

Open: Closed Sundays

Call: 922 790 493

Leo’s Italian & Grill Come and taste the fine Italian cuisine served at Leo’s restaurant in Oasis Paserella.

Authentic Italian cuisine with a modern twist with a set 3-course daily menu for just 9.95 euros (served until 5.30pm) plus a fantastic selection from the a la carte. You can’t fail to find something that will delight your taste buds.

Try the amazing pastas, pizzas, fresh meat or fish and maybe indulge yourself in one of the homemade desserts.

C.C. Pasarella, Los Cristianos

Open: daily, 11am - 12am

Call: 922 788 872

The Swan Try our new homemade menu from our new chef Tim, with all your favourites including: fish and chips, roast dinners, lasagne, steak pie, plus daily specials. If there’s anything you fancy t hat’s not on the menu, j ust give us 24hr notice and we will do it for you!

Or just pop in for a drink, with live entertainment every night, 9pm - 12midnight, and your favourite quiz on Sunday evenings.

Mother’s Day, Sunday 15th March. Come along and treat your mum to the perfect roast dinner with complementary chocolates for all mums!

In front of Margarita Apartments, Los Cristianos

Open: 10am - Late. Food until 8pm

Call: 698 396 367

www.canarianweekly.com

Wine and Dine

13th March - 19th March 2015

39 CW

Deli-licious - Now Open!

We serve hearty dishes homemade from the best fresh locally sourced produce, but then all of those dishes made as a healthy version. Yes, that’s right, your favourite dishes how your grandma used to make them, or a healthier tasty version for those calorie conscious people.

Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner, deliliscious serves food to suit all tastes.

Phone or whats app your order through so it’s ready when you arrive!

Up from Iceland, behind Aqualand, San Eugenio

Open: Everyday, 9am - 9pm Call: 922 714 326 / 629 884 917

Belgabar

Otelo

Belgabar has very quickly become a favourite for diners. Our selective menu includes the finest prime steak, fresh seafood and vegetable dishes and a tropical dining experience not to be missed. There is an extensive wine menu, which includes local produce and a range of international beers.

Belgabar menu is popular so reservations are recommended.

Otelo restaurants serve traditional Spanish cuisine specializing in delicious crispy garlic chicken and Canarian potatoes, plus all the tasty sauces. Try out our canarian night, with our staff all dressed in national costumes and live canarian music - at Otelo 1, with its gorgeous mountain views, on Monday night. Or Thursday night at Otelo 2, our beach front restaurants.

Beachfront the Patch Las Americas, next to Burger King

Otelo I: Baranco Inferño. Otelo II: Fañabe Beach front

Open: 12pm til late

Open: Otelo I: 12noon - 11pm Otelo II: 11am - 11pm

Call: 677 397 204

Call: 922 780 374 / 922 716 342

Kikiriki, it’s more than just a cock-a-doodle-do MANY of you will probably know of Kikiriki, this little Canarian treasure which been established for the last nine years in the Apolo Centre, Los Cristianos, and Cabo Blanco before that.

It is a long-term favourite with locals and tourists alike. And although this family-run eatery is famous for its various tasty chicken dishes, this week we decided to sample the other delights on their expansive menu.

To start with, we ordered the smoked salmon and onion tart, along with creamy

spinach gratin. The tart came with a grilled topping and served with a crisp side-salad. The spinach was smooth and cheesy with a hint of pepper. They were an ideal combination for sharing.

For mains, we went for the Grilled loin of Cod, topped with garlic, as recommended by owner Antonio, and then it was a toss up between the Roast Suckling Pig or tender Leg of Lamb?

In the end the pig won, and it came crispy on the outside but with a melt-in-the-mouth inside after being slowroasted in the oven.

It was served with a traditional home-made apple sauce on the side, along with sautéd potatoes and seasonal veg - plenty for even

the heartiest of appetites. The fish was also to die for, a nice plump

fillet that flaked easily at the touch of your fork. Be aware, though,

that this dish is sure to keep away the vampires. If you’re not such

a garlic lover (or are on a hot date), then ask for the other fish options, simply grilled or with a light sauce.

As previously mentioned, they still have their numerous chicken options available: delicious roast chicken as a half or quarter-portion, chicken breast with Pepper, mushroom or Roquefort sauce.

And not forgetting the amazing home-made desserts, almond cake, apple cake or lemon meringue to name a few.

All this was washed down with half a litre of their easy-to-drink house red, served in traditional terracotta jugs.

Open: Tuesday to Saturday, 5-11pm and Sundays from 1pm onwards.

CW 40

www.canarianweekly.com

Wine and Dine

13th March - 19th March 2015

James’ Place

La Martina

Newly-refurbished James’s Place just got bigger & better, adding a games room & stylish dining area. The only British bar in La Caleta has launched a new menu along with the ever-popular Sunday Roast & Summer BBQ’s.

We just haven’t met you yet!

La Martina is an authentic Argentinean grill where you can taste the best meats imported directly from Argentina, roast, rib-eye, etc... prepared in true traditional style, using coal and natural firewood.

It features wines from the best appellations of national origin and Argentine wineries, perfect for pairing with grilled meat.

The gastronomic quality along with the friendly staff, make La Martina a friendly and welcoming place.

La Caleta

Open: 10am - 10pm

Call: 922 168 139

CC Americas Plaza, Las Americas

Call: 922 751 398

The Palms Pool Bar & Restaurant Home of ‘Craig’s Creations’ Enjoy delicious food in our beautiful restaurant or on one of our sunny terraces. Afternoon teas, cocktails and Ice cream sundaes.

Food served from 10am – 10pm daily and ‘Tipsy Time’ 4pm – 7pm.

Star cabaret nights, call for details.

Follow us on Facebook at The Palms Pool Bar. Palms Pool bar and Restaurant, Golf Del Sur

Call: 679 721 005 / 667 098 126 / 922 738 809

Red-hot Aljibes Syrah 2010

THIS week, wine-lovers we are getting stuck into the red with the Aljibes Syrah 2010.

The heat-loving Syrah has many names: Shiraz, Sirac, Schiras, Marsanne and Noir … the names can go on endlessly to describe one of the most powerful red wine-producing grapes in the world.

This grape variety has adapted well to both the warm venues of California and Southern Oregon and the cooler regions of Washington. And this variety has revived interest in the robust and heavy red wines.

Increasingly planted in many of North America’s more prolific viticulture areas, one of Syrah’s most valued assets is its ability to produce wines capable of ageing and improving over many decades.

This ancient vari-

etal is native to the northern Rhône, where it produces the very longlived, tannic and spicy red wines of AOCs Côte Rôtie, Hermitage, and Cornas.

Fu r t h e r south, it provides weight and structure to the softer, more obviously fruity, Grenachebased reds of the Côtes du Rhône.

Along with Mourvèdre, Syrah is an important component in the best examples of the southern Rhône’s most famous appellation, the legendary Châteauneuf du Pape.

Arguably, Syrah owes its dramatic rise in prominence to its incredible popu-

larity and success in Australian vineyards, where it assumes the name Shiraz.

But we needn’t go that far as we have a wonderful Syrah with Spanish DNA. This variety has adapted well to Castilla, where the soils are calcareous with little organic matter, sandy texture and shallow, and where the weather is very harsh and dry.

These conditions are so extreme that they give low yields.

But this extends the ripening of the grape variety, giving great roundness and quality wines that come from them.

Viticulture applied in the vineyards form part of a traditional base, with the introduction of the latest techniques and ecological farming systems to ensure the production of quality grapes and a sustainable balance between the farm and winery.

Aljibes Syrah 2010 is a red wine made from 100% Syrah grapes.

These have been in barrels of French and American oak for a whole year. With a limited production of 7,324 bottles it is a rare treasure. It has a deep and intense cherry colour with flashes of azure.

The Aljibes Syrah has aromas of black fruit jams, mingling with complex notes of oak ageing, floral and spicy aromas and hints of black chocolate, which are perfect to accompany meats and venison.

It is best served between 15 and 17 degrees and, while tasty and sweet, the slightly bitter point

gives it that elegance.

This wine achieved 88 Parker points and 89 Penin points for its 2010 edition, and it won the silver medal at the 2014 Catavinum World Wine and Spirits Competition.

Aljibes Syrah 2010 is ideal for those who want to surprise and be surprised with high-quality wine for

a special occasion.

Come and try this wine in our Las Chafiras facilities, Monday to Friday, from 9.30am to 6pm and Saturday between 10am and 2pm.

Bring this newspaper with you and enjoy a 10% discount on all our products for any purchase above 60 euros.

www.canarianweekly.com

Lifestyle

13th March - 19th March 2015

FACE

Sweet Sound of Musicals

By Vanessa Vee I HAVE been so busy this week, what with guests visiting, friends visiting or Tenerife celebrations.

And, of course, it would be rude not to partake.

But I have never been known to miss an opportunity of going to Showtime - The Sound of Musicals, and I doubt I ever will.

I just LOVE this show, which brings back so many special memories!

I can take you back eight years, precisely, to when it was in the early stages of being written by the owners and Jason Lee, the lead guy back then.

Jason, me and others were actually on holiday in India at the time, and days on the beach consisted of us crunching ideas for this brand-new experience, which was originally a slightly different concept known as The Bierkeller.

Everything began from scratch, including the venue, and I remember how hard everyone pulled together to produce this show from all angles.

As the years have passed, I can only describe the show as going from strength to strength.

O v e r t h e years, t h e

show has had the obvious cast changes, which have always led to new developments. And this night, saw a change of the two leading characters, Max and Maria.

I have to say that Jason and Jo, the previous leads, left some massive boots to fill, and tonight I was to see Brad and Michelle slot into their places.

Brad, whom I know from working the entertainment circuit, is always a true professional and capable of grabbing an audience where needed!

Michelle? Well, she´s a lot younger than me, and I remember when she was about 8-9 years old, while I was on holiday, watching her and her sister performing a baton-twirling show called “The Twirl Girls”.

So over time, since I became resident 16 years ago, I have followed the progress of Michelle, or Shelley as I know her.

As always, we are greeted with a red-carpet entrance into the Showtime venue at Karting Las Americas ... friendly faces, a photographer and, all in all, a lovely welcome.

We are personally shown to our seats and dinner is served. Presented well, quickly and hot! Most important!

The food to me is a delight.

During the threecourse meal, accompanied by wine, soft drinks or beer, we

are blessed with background music from the crooner himself, Frank Sinatra, as performed by Nathan.

Then it’s SHOWTIME! The cast of six, namely Dominic, Tracey, Kimberly, Lone, Shelley and Brad, kick the evening in with a bang! Bright, colourful costumes, powerful vocals, comedy, laughter, production, choreography and, most importantly, a storyline to follow. The evening will encapsulate you.

As a long-time lover of musicals, it is hard to refrain from foot-tapping and singing along.

As always, the show changes constantly to keep up to date, from Frozen to The Producers, to Riverdance to Grease, all performed by the in-house cast, with the odd appearance

by Alexis and Jay (you have to go to see what I mean).

This is another experience I could quite happily rattle on about for two whole pages. I could describe every scene and every joke, but don´t let me spoil it for you. All I can say is, “Hats off” again to Showtime - the Sound of Musicals.

Service, quality, enjoyment and, altogether, excellent value for money - this is one show NOT to be missed.

A variation of tickets are available, from Show Only, Drinks and Show Only to Drinks, Meal and Show. Resident’s prices are available (proof required).

41 CW

By Carl from Robot

NEVER since the Seventies has there been such a surge in the number of guys wearing “face furniture” - anything from a moustache to a goatie to stubble, or a fullon beard.

Products are even being sold to “moisturise” your whiskers, machines to trim and groom your hairs into The full beard is one of the most popular styles now - not too long but not too low on the neck, either. It’s difficult to keep in shape because you can’t just run the clippers over it. You need to tidy it with scissors, which can be timeconsuming.

It can be also be a bit itchy in the Tenerife heat, but it’s right on-trend - if you don’t mind keeping it in pristine shape. The full beard suits most faces, as long as it’s not patchy and you don’t carry weight under your chin.

Furniture

shape. It’s big business, that’s for sure.

So how do you know what’s best for your age, face shape or personal style? Firstly, if you are considering growing some sort of facial hair, you must decide what will suit you best.

What’s going to work with your image and lifestyle?

For example, if you’re working in a high-profile position, a scruffy, longer beard isn’t going to work for you.

By the same token if you are just wearing very short stubble, this can also look untidy -

depending who it’s on and also the colour of the beard.

Whatever shape you go for, don’t let it take over your face. Remember, less is more. Take “selfies” to check out the shape of your profile, and don’t be afraid to experiment with different lengths and styles.

The fashion for facial hair is “there but neat”, so do NOT go walking around imitating Robinson Crusoe!

There are so many aspects to think about when deciding what’s best for you, and here are a few examples.

Stubble is also a favourite, but it must be long enough to show it’s not just a case of you not bothering to shave, but not too long that it becomes a full beard. You can even buy clippers to keep it this length permanently.

They are easy to use and not too expensive.

These can also be used to keep body hair in check, so they’re a superb buy and excellent for fuller faces because it slims down and accentuates cheekbones.

Lastly the “vague goatie”... not too long but definitely good for slimmer faces. It defines the chin area and is good for disguising longer faces. But don’t let it grow too long as it can look a bit “mad artist”. Keep it in perfect shape by using a wet shaver with a precise head to contour.

CW 42

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Community News

By Monica Dyson A BERKSHIRE woman recently made a pact with her husband, which made headlines throughout the world.

Although she already had four children and had undergone a sterilisation, she was desperate to have a fifth child and was prepared to undertake a costly and, possibly, unsuccessful reversal of the procedure.

Her husband agreed after she made him a promise he would not have to be part of any of the chores associated with babies, like feeds, nappy-changing or, indeed, household tasks, such as cooking or cleaning. She had the reversal, had another baby and, presumably, things are all hunky-dory! Except that her husband, working his socks off, says their finances are precarious to say the least with the pressures of so many children to support.

Well, I’m sorry, but what’s all this about?

In many of today’s households this has always been the arrangement, even when a woman has a full-time job. She is still expected

13th March - 19th March 2015

House-husbands?

Whatever next!...

to take responsibility for the shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare, and everything that comes in-between.

I must admit that it is more usual in this day and age for men to accept their fair share of household tasks and, apparently, almost a million men in Britain are choosing to work part-time, with twothirds of all dads taking their children to and from school regularly.

Something that would never have happened in my father’s time, though.

But there are still some young men who consider that, if they go out to work, they have done their bit.

In the Fifties, homemaking was considered a woman’s highest calling.

It was the pinnacle of her life.

This well-known stereotype of women was enhanced by the media, advertising and authors like Barbara Cartland, who made it clear that the place for post-war women was well and truly in the home.

All a mother could want for her daughter was a man who could afford to look after her and provide a comfortable standard of living, while she was relieved of the onerous chore of hav-

ing to find a job. To have your child “make a good marriage” was most important - and something that could be boasted about. Even in Fifties’ schools, there was great emphasis on looking after your man. A Home Economics text-book of that era actually gave advice on “How to be a Good Wife”.

The goal was to make your home a place of peace and order, where your husband could relax in body and spirit.

Not only that, but caring for your family, and presenting yourself as picture-perfect all the time.

You had to make it seem effortless.

You would never have allowed your husband to see any of the beauty preparations, which meant he came home to a wife, made-up immaculately and coiffured. Having dinner ready on time was expected. After all, what else had you been doing all day?

Take a while to pre-

pare yourself. Be a little gay (okay, the word had a very different meaning then!), do your hair, touch up your make-up, take off your pinny.

And try to be interesting. Always greet him with a smile. Clear away any clutter, especially anything the children might have been playing with.

He wants to be greeted with not only a clean house but also clean children, untouched by paint or crayons.

In fact, they should also be quiet children in a noise-free house.

All household appliances should have been used and put away long before he came home. In fact, Fifties man may not even have known there were such things!

You get the general idea? It may b e

wondered exactly what women did with their time in those days. But, given that there were few labour-savings devices, no microwaves, very often no fridges and certainly no freezers, all meals were freshly-prepared, using ingredients bought each day after lengthy shopping expeditions.

The day started with breakfast, packed lunches, child-care duties often involving walking to and from school, bed-making (no duvets then; just lots of sheets and eiderdowns) shopping and washing, but with no automatic washing machines, ironing, cleaning, dress-making, baking, jam and pickle -making, preparation and cooking of evening meal. Oh, and time s p e n t m a k ing sure y o u r appeara n c e

looked as if you had done none of those chores.

Men didn’t even think that washing dishes came into their list of masculine tasks, let alone any kind of childcare. And it was a brave man who could be seen pushing a baby in its pram.

Although sexism and inequality was rife, most women were actually very smart cookies, running their homes with military precision, and often taking total control of the household finances.

Although the majority of women now work outside of the home, they are often responsible for everything that happens in the home also, like cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing.

They often do the shopping in their lunchbreaks and are responsible for the organisation of everything, from childcare to sending birthday cards. But it’s getting better. I mean, what would our fathers have thought of the idea of becoming a house husband?

Accion del Sol news

Schoolkids learn pet values ANIMALS and children are our focus and, again, our educational programme continues with many more youngsters visiting the refuge from various local schools.

They spend there time learning basic welfare and care of the dogs, and they are taught how to handle and play correctly with the animals.

We believe it is essential to teach the children love, respect and care, in the hope of improving the dire situation regarding animal

welfare here in Tenerife. The poor little dog pictured was collected from the streets of El Medano with

a serious leg injury.

Thanks to our vets at the refuge, though, he is well on the way to recovery and is looking for a loving home to give him a second chance in life.

Please take note that Accion del Sol does not charge for adoptions of their dogs, and every animal is fully passported , microchipped, inoculated, sterilised and has a full bill of health before leaving the refuge.

But donations towards the day-to-day running of the refuge are much appreciated Can you help?

Please call 922 778 630 for more information, or if you would like to

help out in any way.

Maybe you have some spare time and would like to walk some of the many dogs at the refuge. They would really appreciate it!

Where to find us The refuge is situated at Granadilla’s Industrial Estate, Exit 51 on the TF1, directly next to ITER, the ecological park which houses the windmills.

Opening hours We are open to the public on Mondays, Tu e s d a y s , T h u r s d a y s and Fridays between 2-5pm, and on Saturdays from 1pm to 4pm.

The refuge is closed Wednesdays, Sundays and on Public Holidays.

www.canarianweekly.com

Community News

13th March - 19th March 2015

The Boy Friend tunes up FOLLOWING the success of last year’s Oh! What a Lovely War, the Swallows’ Drama Section is producing Sandy Wilson’s Twenties musical The Boy Friend this month in Los Cristianos.

The original 1954 London production ran for 2,078 performances, making it, briefly, the third-longest running musical in the West End or Broadway.

This charming musical romance has been revived many times Twiggy starred in Ken Russell’s film version and includes many wellknown numbers, including I Could Be Happy With You and Won’t You Charleston with Me?” It is being staged at the Sol Princesa Dacil hotel’s Conference Centre on Thursday, Friday and Saturday (19th21st March), and starts at 7pm - Saturday has already sold out!

The Boy Friend is set in the Twenties at Madam Dubonnet’s fashionable finishing school, on the sun-kissed French Riviera, there, young ladies are schooled in the finer arts of “marrying well”.

Polly Browne, a millionaire’s daughter, tries to escape the stern influence of her father and find true love, encouraged by Madam Dubonnet.

But when Polly falls for delivery boy Tony and pretends to be a mere working girl herself, matters become rather

complicated! The lead parts of Polly and Tony are being played by local entertainers Karen Holcombe and Luke Carey. And the husband-and-wife team of Dominic and Tracy Cutting, from The Sound of the Musicals, bring their fabulous singing and dancing talents to the show - Tracy also teaches Las Estrella youth drama group.

Other parts are being played by members of last year’s production, and the music is again being supplied by Paul Lowe, on the keyboard synthesiser.

The show is being directed by Mike Huntington and the costumes are being created

by Janet Roberts. Ann Plummer is House Manager, and offers of assistance will be appreciated by her.

Tickets are 10 euros each, all profits going to Cancer Research, Tenerife - a charity always in the hearts of the extraordinary, fund-raising Swallows.

The tickets - all sold out for the Saturday are available from Carole Hart, at the Swallows’ Monday meeting at El Tejar bar, in the Apolo Centre, from 11am-noon, or from the Sol Princessa Dacil reception desk (922 753 030).

The Swallows’ Drama Section donated 1,700 euros from its initial 2014 show to cancer charity, and is hoping for more this year.

Helping Hands rule Britannia for a day TENERIFE’S Helping Hands charity is staging a special Easter Fundraiser at Costa del Silencio’s Britannia Bar on the big day itself - Easter Sunday (5th April).

The event, from 2-8pm, is being organised and run by Lynette Tiernan, who represents the charity in that area.

It will be packed with entertainers, cheerfully giving up their free time, as well as a raffle, auction and other goodies.

Nigel Walker comperes a superb line-up, which includes Pip Brown, Andy White, Luke Carey, Indianna, Aidy Evans, Uproar, Steve Delsey, Keith George, Scott Sharpe and Dave Bevan.

Helping Hands supports disabled and disadvantaged children here in the South, so please donate raffle and auction goods if possible, or simply come along and add your weight to this worthy cause.

It has been a hectic few weeks at the kennels, with a large number of dogs and cats arriving and happily departing.

We are an ever-changing family of dogs and cats, young and old, tall and small, all looking for their second chance and a happy new life like Micra who is flying to Edinburgh on Friday 6th to join her sister. If you are looking for a steady, friendly and sweet natured dog, Adidas is 2 years old; she is good with cats and might well be the dog for you. Puma is a little female, around 8 weeks old; she is eating solids and ready for rehoming. Come and see the girls for yourself but prepare to be charmed!

Alternatively, visit our website www.k9tenerife. com Older animals are popular, as they have settled personalities. One of our favourites that fit the bill is a small cross we call Reebok. He is getting used to people after his sad start - found by the police tied up in a garage, with no owner nearby. Reebok is great company on a walk. Or Gato a very friendly old cat around 7 years old.

She is very affectionate and would be happy to sit on someone’s knee all day long. She has been with us for nearly 2 years.

An important thing to know about dogs is that there are always lots of walks involved so if you want to help, come and join our friendly volunteer dog walking team

43 CW

K9 makes adoption progress and spend a couple of hours a week getting fit in the fresh air, meeting new people (and dogs).

The kennels are open from 9.00am for exercising the dogs and daily from 11am until 2pm for anyone wishing to visit and perhaps adopt one of our ‘inmates’ The only fund raising event planned at the moment is Sunday 12th April at the Terrace Bar, Amarilla Golf. It is being organised by Karen one of the dog walkers so if you can donate to the raffle or offer help in any

way please do not hesitate to contact the kennels on 667638468 or just call in.

With little fundraising going on, the K9 shop in Alcala Plaza has become our lifeline with all money raised going directly to the care of the many animals at the refuge. As you can imagine we need to tempt buyers with a steady turnaround of stock so if you have anything you can donate, please bring it along between 10am to 2pm any day, except Sunday, alternatively if it needs

to be collected ring 646561035 or 611352881.

We also have a clothing stall at Alcala market each Monday and a second hand bookstall each Thursday at Fanabe Market.

We are looking for land to buy or rent within a 4 mile radius of our existing kennels, which have become harder to maintain. We are regularly pushing the San Miguel Council to help find us somewhere suitable, bearing in mind a lot of spare land is not approved for building kennels on. So if anyone reading this knows of somewhere we would love to hear from you.

Finally, we like to remind everyone that no matter in what capacity you help, K9 Animal Refuge would not be possible without each and every one of you so thank you for everything you do to make our shelter a safe haven for all our four legged friend.

Live Arico news

Show winner blows hot DESPITE galeforce winds, we had an excellent time on Sunday at our dog show, held in collaboration with San Miguel Town Hall.

The categories were puppy, adult, senior, super-senior - and fancy-dress, as we are in Carnival season. Some fantastic prizes were received and Julian Martin, from the Town Hall, presented the Overall Winner prize to Urwin, a dog who has overcome a spinal tumour and beaten cancer.

There was also a bravery prize for our very own Teo, a dog tortured in Gran Canaria. We are now caring for him until

he is well enough to be adopted.

Many thanks to all who participated: the volunteers and the wonderful help from all at Difusiones y Rescate 4 patas, and our vet, Cesar Bertoldi.

Without them, it wouldn’t have been the same.

Thanks also to K9 and to our judges, vet Yaiza Perez and Arturo Martinez Hernandez, candidate for UP & D Mayor of Arona.

Finally, a big shout to the event sponsors: Animania, Arona Britcan, Bijou Tutu, CandyDoggie, Cesar Bertoldi, Don Perro, Hospivet Sur, Ibex Insurance, La Granja, Paws 4 Applause, Sparkles Clean-

ing and Laundry Service, and Yaiza Perez.

Dog of the Week Sam is a Labrador pointer-cross of great character, who’s just waiting for his chance to be in a forever home after being dumped on the streets so cruelly.

Could that be you? If so, call Sue on 629 388 102 for more information.

Live Arico Shops All is going well at our new charity shop on Golf del Sur and remember, our vet Cesar Bertoldi is with us every Wednesday morning from 10 to noon, offering advice on all aspects of your pet’s healthcare.

Come and have a chat with him.

We are situated at Golf Park, which is on the loop road before the lottery kiosk. We are open 10am-5pm Monday to Saturday.

We also have shops in Los Cristianos, Calle Revron near Churchills Bar, and San Eugenio opposite Hotel La Nina

by Amandas bar at las Carabelas complex. Both shops open from 10am4pm Monday to Friday, and until 3pm Saturdays and Sundays.

CW 44

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Health and Fitness

By Val Sainsbury DISTINCT changes in the immune systems of patients with ME or chronic fatigue syndrome have been found by scientists at Columbia University.

Increased levels of immune molecules called cytokines, discovered in people during the early stages of the disease, could help improve diagnosis and treatments, they say in the study, published in the Science Advances journal.

But UK experts believe further refined research is now needed to confirm the results. People with ME (myalgic encephalopathy) or CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) suffer from exhaustion that affects everyday life and does not go away with sleep or rest.

An estimated 250,000 people in the UK have the disease.

The US research team tested blood samples from nearly 300 ME patients and some 350 healthy people.

They found specific patterns of immune molecules in patients who had the disease for up to three years.

These patients had higher levels of of cytokines, particularly one called interferon gamma, which has been linked to the fatigue that follows many viral infections.

Healthy patients, and those who had the disease for longer than three years, did not show the same pattern.

Lead author Dr Mady Hornig said this was down to the way viral

13th March - 19th March 2015

Relief for ME sufferers?

infections could disrupt the immune system.

“It appears that ME/ CFS patients are flush with cytokines until around the three-year mark, at which point the immune system shows evidence of exhaustion and cytokine levels drop,” she added.

“This shows there are distinct stages to the disease. When the cytokine response starts to settle down, the disease also appears to quieten down.”

Peter White, professor of psychological medicine at Queen Mary University of London, said it was premature to draw any conclusions from the study.

“Only one of the 51 immune proteins studied was elevated in all cases, compared with controls - something that could happen by chance alone,” he stressed. “I hope the authors will go on to re-examine their data after stratifying their samples by other factors that determine the different sub-groups most scientists now accept make up this illness.

“Finally, as the authors themselves suggest, we need to see these results replicated independently.” Dr Charles Shepherd, medical adviser to the ME Association, said the research was interesting and useful, adding more support to what is already known about the abnormal immune response in people with chronic fatigue

syndrome. “If distinctive patterns of cytokine abnormality can be linked to both stage and severity of disease, this finding could be used to aid diagnosis and open the door to the use of anti-inflammatory drug treatments, which would dampen down the abnormal immune system response.”

But he indicated that

this was still some way off.

He added: “Although some doctors still mistakenly believe that ME/ CFS is a psychological illness, there is now very robust evidence being produced to show that we are dealing with a physical disease process that includes significant abnormalities

involving the brain, muscle and the immune system.”

Health and fitness - myths debunked

By Nico Gil

of Activate Sports Club

THE industry I work in is, I’m sorry to say, full of lies, myths and contradicting “studies” as to what is and what isn’t good for you.

Most of these myths come from people with no professional qualifications, and a large number of studies or results are generally put out there to support whatever company finances the reports and benefits most from the “findings”.

But if it’s confusing even for me at times to navigate my way through all the rubbish, I can imagine

how frustrating it is for people trying to improve their fitness and create a healthier lifestyle.

Let me set the record straight on some of the most frequent examples I hear: Myth 1: If you’re heavy, you’re too fat.

I wouldn’t recommend saying that to a rugby player or top athlete if I were you. The truth is that as you train, you build up lean muscle.

Muscle weighs more than fat, and, on top of that, it also contains a lot of water.

So after a few weeks’ training, you might find you’ve gained 2kg but your clothes feel looser - muscle is denser but takes up less space.

Weight and fat are two different things and the scales are a guide, nothing more.

Myth 2: To lose weight, do cardio-training only and start weighttraining when you reach your goal weight.

If you kill yourself doing purely cardio activity, you’ll lose muscle mass which, ironically, will make it even harder to shed fat.

Weight-training alone doesn’t burn a lot of calories, it’s true. But, and this is really important, the more lean muscle you have, the higher your metabolism, as muscles continuously need fuel.

A combination of car-

dio and weights is the most effective way to train.

Myth 3: Weight-training makes women huge and turns them into men.

This is my favourite lie of all. Ladies, please believe me: tiramisu, bottles of wine and junk food may well make you huge. Weight-training will not, unless you take steroids, of course, which I wouldn’t recommend, either.

If you combine a sensible, healthy diet with weight-training, you’ll be surprised just how small and lean you can become. It’s preferable to work a lot with weights before the age of 35 to build bone density and prevent osteoporosis in later life. But it’s never too late to begin!

Myth 4: Carbs are evil.

Carbohydrates are an essential part of any diet. For a start, your brain needs them (more specifically, the glucose from them) to function.

Carbohydrates provide the energy needed to be able to work out.

Professional athletes need more protein, but it’s simply ridiculous - and dangerous - to remove carbohydrates from your diet.

Wherever possible, however, chose vegetables and complex, wholegrain carbs rather than the refined, white varieties.

Myth 5: If you want a six-pack, you have to do ab crunches The No.1 way to achieve a flat stomach is to watch your diet.

We’ve all got a layer of abdominal muscles underneath a layer (or several) of fat. The cleaner your diet and the leaner you become, the flatter your stomach. Simple!

Myth 6: Eggs are bad for you.

This is completely untrue. Eggs are actually one of the most nutrient-dense foods you can find. In healthy people, eating eggs is not bad for your heart, cholesterol levels or anything else. In fact, they are packed with vitamins A, B, D and E, as well as being rich in iodine and phosphorus, vital for healthy bones. Wherever possible, though, go for freerange, organic eggs.

Myth 7: Always go for low-fat dairy alternatives.

I’m not a huge advocate of consuming dairy of any kind, but full-fat milk is still 96% fat free - did you realise that?

The difference in fat between full-cream milk and skimmed is just 2%, which, unless you drink litres and litres every day, makes hardly any difference.

And in yoghurts, artificial sweeteners are often added to low-fat varieties, which is far worse for your health.

Address: Calle Roques del Salmor, 38679 Costa Adeje, Santa Cruz de Tenerife. Tel: 822 070 037

www.canarianweekly.com 13th March - 19th March 2015

Advertisement

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CW 46

www.canarianweekly.com

Fashion

13th March - 19th March 2015

By Carl Pattison

THE continuation of the “Fashion Weeks” saw Paris take its turn earlier this week, hot on the heels of Milan.

I may get into trouble here, but, as far as I see it, Paris is THE fashion capital of the world.

And all eyes were on a whole host of designers f r o m Cou-

ture to street brands.

Every label put a show to wow and amaze its starstudded audiences. And if you were any name to be reckoned with, your name was placed firmly on a front-row seat at all the highly-sought-after shows.

And that’s what many of them were: Shows!

A place to present all their hard work over the last year to an openmouthed audience.

Jean Paul Gaultier stole the limelight with his “retirement” show, if you believe that he’s not going to be at the helm of his label any more.

Everyone was aghast at his amazing collection, with a high-glamour theme, and many of the models were in “movie-star” mode - black and white being the strong col-

ours again.

Alexander McQueen went with strong, geometric shapes, all with a Seventies feel, and darker, strong colours prevailing again.

Stella McCartney rocked the Seventies’ look, too, with her “cutout”, almost lace-type garments which were feminine yet packed a punch.

Christian Dior went with my theme of “Military” as his look for this season - strong lines to

all of their clothes in olives and khakis: big military detailing complemented with knee-high boots.

Chanel gave us a flashback to the Eighties with that black-and-white theme which is set to carry us from summer to winter this year. Leather or “pleather” was greatly used, as was fake fur trim and feathers....not for the faint-hearted but great if you want to stand out.

The guys weren’t left out, either, with a multitude of shows for them to visit as well. Y:S:L took on the Seventies’ stance - take note of this -because if there is more than one fashion house doing this theme, it’s gonna be big.

Their MOD look was a combination of skinny, formal trousers with square, box-cut jackets, all shown in their colours of the season, which were blacks, greens and burgundies (bearing in mind

that Paris is about looking forward to autumn/ winter).

All in all, no one really showed anything but “glamour”, and even Chanel’s show literally took things to the streets by using a major Paris boulevard as its “runway”, demonstrating that the clothes speak for themselves without the need for expensive backdrops.

For me, Paris literally oozes fashion - a city where people strut the streets as though they are on a fashion runway.

Shop windows throw ideas at you from all angles, and maybe this is why I call Paris “the centre of ALL that is fashionable”.

So hats off again to Paris for showing us what we may be wearing this year - and to all the amazing ideas that come flooding from it during what is THE Fashion Week to end all fashion weeks.

www.canarianweekly.com

Puzzle Page

13th March - 19th March 2015

PRIZE Godoku!

WIN! Tickets for bowling at Megabowl

WIN! 2 tickets to see The Sound of Musicals

47 CW

CW Crossword

The rules of Godoku are simple just enter the letters stated below once in each row, column and 3 x 3 square within the puzzle grid.

When you have completed it, a word will appear.

Email the answer to info@canarianweekly.com before 5pm on Wednesday 11th March 2015 and you’ll be in with a chance of winning.

Last Week’s winner (Issue 892): Joe Spencer Please come up to the OasisFm / Canarian Weekly offices to pick up your prize. You have until 10th April 2015 to pick up and use your vouchers.

This week’s letters: E G H I L N O S T This week’s mystery clue: Adam Christopher’s first tie-in to the CBS series Elementary has this title, with “The” (9 letters).

S

H

T

N

E S H

T H

O S

L I

N G

Winning Caption (Issue 892): “It’s agreed then. Let’s do a Two Ronnies tribute, Dad”

I E N O

I G

Winner: Dave Blackman

N L G I

G

S

L

Sudoku X...

Just enter the numbers 1 - 9 once in each row, column and 3 x 3 square within the sudoku X puzzle grid. In addition to standard sudoku, the numbers must only occur once in each side of the ‘X’ that is marked on the grid.

6 1

Please come up to the OasisFm / Canarian Weekly offices to pick up your prize. You have until 10th April 2015 to pick up and use your vouchers.

30-Second Brain Training

What better way to train your brain. Starting at the left with the number provided, work across each of these lines applying the mathematical instructions to your running total. Don´t reach for the calculator - that´s cheating! Write your final answer in the last box of the line. Aim to complete each round in about 30 seconds.

Good Luck!

Beginner Starter Number

7 1 6 4 5 7 1 3 1 2

4 7 2 5 3 8

1 6

6

3

14

x4

6

7

-26

7

1 9 3 4 3 5

x4

2

3

-21

80%

of this

8

9

+32

÷4

2

3

5

4

+98

÷3

Answer

Intermediate Starter Number

1

82

÷2

+74

÷5

6

7

8

9

+63 4

1

÷7

-15

5

4

-9

x11 Answer

x7

1

2

3

164

of this

3/4

-91

x8

6

7

8

9

+274

85%

of this

-214

4

-84

3/4

5

÷2

Answer

of this

8 2 7

5 8 6 9 3

2 9

5 4 3 8 7

4 8 5

7 5 9

5 6 2

6 8 3 7

9 7

4 2 5

7 9

5

4 1 7 9 8

3 1 5

5

2 3

4 2 3

this week’s Riddles

This number net has nineteen circles that have to be filled with the numbers 1 up to (and including) 19. These numbers have to be placed in such a way that all numbers on any horizontal row and any diagonal line add up to the same sum.

Warning: there are many horizontal and diagonal lines, which have a different number of circles (3, 4, or 5), nevertheless all these sums have to be equal!

The Question: How should the nineteen numbers be placed in the net?

Last Issue's Answers:

And 2 normal sudokus for you aswell...

4

DOWN 1. Prigs, puritans (6) 2. Pass, go by (8) 3. Common person (4) 4. Lay out, disburse (6) 5. Clint _, actor and director (8) 6. Leave, go out (4) 7. Belonging to them (6) 13. Foretells (8) 15. Drew out, extracted (8) 16. Small packet (6) 17. Confer, bequeath (6) 18. Lucidity, rationality (6) 20. Jetty (4) 22. Metropolis (4)

CW Crossword

Advanced Starter Number

ACROSS 3. Justifying example (9) 8. Competitor, challenger (5) 9. Inactive, docile (7) 10. Lasting, hard-wearing (7) 11. At present (3) 12. Exchanged (7) 14. Carries out a command (5) 16. Filter, sift (5) 17. Mates, friends (7) 19. Expected, imminent (3) 21. Division, fragment (7) 23. Tonsorial snip (4-3) 24. Chirrup on Twitter? (5) 25. Rejects (5,4)

1 9 7 2 4

ACROSS 1. PEDALS 4. CHARTS 9. TWANG 10. DEDUCED 11. IGNITION 12. LING 15. TAPERS 17. SOLEMN 19. CURB 20. TWEEZERS 23. JOURNEY 24. ARGUE 25. BARTOK 26. ZEBRAS

DOWN 1. PATRIOTIC 2. DRAIN 3. LIGATURE 5. HODS 6. RECLINE 7. SAD 8. C.D. ROM 13. GANGSTERS 14. TOLERATE 16. PURSUER 18. SWAYS 21. EAGER 22. UNDO 23. JOB

Godoku:

Brain Training: Beginner: 66 Intermediate: 70 Advanced: 414 Sudoku X:

1 3 4 8 2 9 6 7 5

7 8 5 1 6 3 2 4 9

6 2 9 7 5 1 8 1 3

8 7 1 5 3 6 9 2 4

2 9 6 4 7 1 3 5 8

4 5 3 9 8 2 7 6 1

5 6 2 3 1 8 4 9 7

9 1 8 6 4 7 5 3 2

3 4 7 2 9 5 1 8 6

Sudoku:

3 8 4 7 9 6 5 1 2

4 6 1 3 5 2 8 9 7

6 7 9 2 5 1 4 3 8

2 5 9 6 8 7 1 3 4

5 2 1 4 3 8 6 7 9

8 7 3 1 9 4 5 6 2

4 3 7 5 6 2 8 9 1

9 1 5 2 7 8 6 4 3

1 5 6 8 7 9 2 4 3

3 4 2 5 6 9 7 1 8

8 9 2 3 1 4 7 5 6

7 8 6 4 1 3 2 5 9

9 4 3 6 2 5 1 8 7

5 9 4 7 2 6 3 8 1

2 1 5 9 8 7 3 6 4

6 2 8 9 3 1 4 7 5

7 6 8 1 4 3 9 2 5

1 3 7 8 4 5 9 2 6

CW 48

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Information / Free Ads

British Consulate Address: Plaza Weyler, 8, 1º, 38003 Santa Cruz de Tenerife.

Public opening hours: Tuesdays & Fridays: 08.30hrs – 13.30hrs Notarial services: Please consult our webpage or call 902 109 356 or alternatively +34 913 342 194 for further information on how to make an appointment. Please note, we are no longer able to provide notarial services without prior appointment.

Emergency Assistance: Assistance is available 24hrs a day, 7 days a week by calling us on 902 109 356 or alternatively +34 913 342 194 E-mail: info.consulate@fco. gov.uk Web:http//: ukin spain.fco.gov.uk Cosumer Office Tel: 922 76 16 00 Town Hall Tel: 922 76 16 00 Emergencies Emergency Services (All) Tel: 112

National Police - Tel: 091 Local Police Tel: 092 Ambulance Tel: 061 Fire Brigade Tel: 080 Guardia Civil Tel: 062 Multi-lingual police central office Tel: 902 102 112 Call this number and ask to speak to an English operator to make a report or official complaint.

Local Police Tel: 922 75 70 06 Red Cross Emergencies and Ambulances Tel: 922 28 18 00 Information and Blood Bank Tel: 922 28 29 24 International MEDSERVICE Tel: 922 79 05 63 Medical Benefits Agency Tel: (00 44) 191 218 7547 For if you find yourself in medical difficulties whilst on holiday and without the proper holiday insurance.

How to submit your free adverts: PHONE 902 232 102 Email: classified@canarianweekly.com Just pop in the office in Las Chafiras (above Juno).

Deadline for Free ads is Tuesdays at 4pm.

Up to 500 euros only.

Double bed with memory-foam mattress, no headboard, 50 euros. Single bed with bed linen, 70 euros. 100 paperback books, 25 euros. Glass-top dining table, 15 euros.

Tel: 922 733 543 White plastic oval patio table,165cm x 110cms, good cond, 20 euros. English wood sideboard, 2 drawers, 2 cupboards. 92cm long, 40cm width, 82cm high, good cond, 40 euros. Costa del Silencio. Tel: 922 734 264 or 634 665 995 PSP like new + camera + 9 games: PES 2011/2012, Fifa 2012/2013, Hot Wheels, Sonic, 80 euros.

Nintendo DS + 9 Games: Rio, Locos por el Surf, Inazuma Eleven, Mario & Sonic, 40 euros, offers accepted. Nintendo DS3 like new + 12 games: Rabbids, Bob Sponge, Fifa 2012, Mario + Sonic various, Pokémon, 80 euros. Offers for all accepted. Tel: 609 358 584 TP-Link modem router. 150 Mbps Wireless N ADSL2+. ADSL modem, NAT router, 4-port switch + wireless access point, remote control, as new, 50 euros. IPTV set-top box, as new. 25 euros. Tel: 680 229 644 DVD box sets: Lost - seasons 2, 3, 4, 5 and final season 6, 15 euros. The Godfather trilogy box set, 5 euros. Family Guy Season 6 box set, 5 euros.

Hammer House of Horror, 4-disc, 13-episode box set, 5 euros. Our Friends in the North,full series, 4-disc, no box, in sleeves, 5 euros. Buy all together

13th March - 19th March 2015 Pharmacy Information and Locator (24 hours) Tel: 922 28 24 24 Citizen Information Tel: 010 Postal Services Tel: 902 19 71 97 International Operator Tel: 11825 Local Operator Tel: 11818 Tourist Information Tel: 922 60 55 90 Hospitals & Medical Centres (Answering Machine) Tel: 094 Hospital Las Americas, Playa de las Americas Tel: 922 75 00 22 Playa de Las Americas Centro Medicos Del Sur Tel: 922 79 10 00 Candelaria Hospital Tel: 922 60 20 00 Beach Safety Obey the beach warning flags and always supervise children when near water.

Red - Strong currents do not swim

Yellow - Strong winds and turbulent sea conditions.

Take care.

Green - Safe to swim Shopping Most shops open from Mon - Sat 09:00 - 13:00 then 16:00 - 20:00 Some shops may open for just Saturday Morning, and many shops are closed on Sundays and Tourist Offices, Bank Holidays, with the exception of souvenir shops which tend to open 7 days a week.

Tourist Offices Tenerife Sur Tourist Office (Main Tourist Office) Tel: 902 00 31 21 Santa Cruz de Tenerife Tel: 922 28 93 94 Santiago de Teide Tel: 922 86 03 48 Costa Adeje Tel: 922 75 06 33 Puerto de la Cruz Tel: 922 38 60 00 El Medano Tel: 922 17 60 02 La Laguna Tel: 922 63 11 94 La Orotava

for 25 euros. Can deliver. Tel: 634 322 937 Two single pine beds in pine, with mattresses, excellent cond, 25 euros each. Los Cristianos. Tel: 922 196 589 (afternoons).

Ladies mountain bike, 15 gears, 60 euros. Large IKEA table extending to 260mm, 70 euros.

Drop-down front writing desk, two drawers and glass-fronted cupboard, 82cm wide x 32cm x 109cm high, oak finish, all wood, 55 euros. Boy’s bike (up to 10 years old), six gears, front and rear suspension, 25 euros. 1960s glass-fronted cabinet, 106cm wide x 27cm x 87cm high, 20 euros. Aspes H2 1401 halogen hob and oven, 70 euros. TV table on wheels 49cm x 76cm silver, 10 euros. Chico baby intercom boxed, 15 euros, Silencio- Tel: 629 570 945 Gents Navada bike, good working order, 35 euros.

Pushchair looks new, 8 euros. New hairdryer, 8 euros, Kettle with 14-month guarantee, 8 euros. Clean Philips toaster, 5 euros. Binoculars, 10 euros. 3 extensions 2 x 4, 1 x 5, all 5 euros. 3 Spanish plates, 5 euros all. Moving to UK. Tel: 634 339 913 Acer computer monitor, 19in screen, unmarked and perfect, (unwanted gift) 35 euros. Tel: 922 736 696 Left-handed Odyssey XG White Hot putter with cover, 30 euros. Baby’s portable pink high-chair seat, attaches to a table, excellent cond, 10 euros.

Los Cristianos, Tel: 611 204 816 White Roca bidet complete with fittings, as new, 20 euros. Two small orange gas bottles, one with valve and regulator.20 euros. Tel: 922 799 296 IKEA-VIUM chequered beige, light beige 133 x 207cm rug, 20 euros. Terracotta- coloured, canedetailed mirror, 50 x 96cm, 7 euros. 6 sunbeds, white plastic,green covering. (Not reclining) mixed condition, some better than others. Ideal

Tel: 922 32 30 41 Las Galletas Tel: 922 73 01 33 Los Cristianos Tel: 922 75 71 37 Los Llanos de Aridane Tel: 922 40 18 99 Playa de las Américas Tel: 922 79 76 68 Playa de las Vistas Tel: 922 78 70 11 Tour Operators TUI/ Thomson Tel: 922 77 77 20 Thomas Cook Tel: 922 757 409 Cosmos Tel: 922 793 802 Transport TFS - Tenerife Sur Airport (Reina Sofia) For flights from the Spanish mainland and nearly all scheduled international flights.

Telephone numbers: Flight Information 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) Airport Information Tel: 922 75 90 00 Tourist Information Tel: 922 392 037

TFN - Tenerife Norte airport (Los Rodeos) For all domestic flights and some scheduled international and mainland services.

Telephone numbers: Flight Information Tel: 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) General Information Tel: 922 635 800 Buses TITSA is Tenerife´s public bus company.

Tel: 922 53 13 00 The ´Bono-Bus´ discount card can be purchased from all TITSA stations and terminals of TITSA and reduces the cost of transport by up to 30%.

Radio Taxis Tel: 922 64 11 12 N.B. Taxi cabs display a special SP (Servico Público) licence plate.

Arona Taxis Tel: 922 74 75 11 National Ferry Services Fred Olsen Tel: 922 62 82 52

for a complex or will sell individually, 10 euros each or deal can be done on all. Kids plastic coloured easel with attached storage box for pencils/crayons etc, 10 euros. Princess/dressing up outfits - complete pink and white bunny rabbit 12 - 24 months, 9 euros. Cinderella, age 2-4, 5 euros. Aurora Sleeping Beauty, age 2-4, 3 euros. 4 pairs plastic princess dressing up shoes, age 2- 4, 3.50 euros. Hard plastic double animal seal see-saw, 10 euros. Teletubbies DVD’s, Musical Rhyme Time, 2 euros. Ready Steady Dance, 2 euros. Naughty Noo-noo, 2 euros. Aqui Llegan Los Teletubbies also in English, 2 euros. Genuine ESCADA, black long- sleeved pretty top with sequin, 12-18 months, 8 euros. Tommee Tipee manual breast pump, with box and instructions, 5 euros. Award winning BOPPY breast feeding/ support cushion, pink with flowers, as new, 12 euros. Buyer to collect from Fañabe area. Tel: 922 716 350 or 616 425 074 Ladies authentic Calvin Klein watch, gold, white face with 3 tiny diamonds, 200 euros ono. New DKNY watch, unisex gold & white ceramic with diamante front, 150 euros ono.

Genuine Lady Chloe sunglasses, dark-green, 50 euros. Binoculars: 1 x 7 x 50 navy Artillery, 350 euros ono. Zenith 7 x 50 like new, coated optics field 71, 250 euros ono. Dark-blue leather and material shoes, size 43-44, Prada new, 75 euros.

Set of new exercise walking sticks, Mille, 25 euros. Bag of new indoor golf training gear, 35 euros. Bag of video games, (about 50), 50 euros. Original Formula 1 shirt, XL Black, Torro Rosso Red Bull infinite team with all decals, new, 100 euros. Black leather jacket, new (Springfield), 60 euros ono. Los Cristianos. Tel: 657 450 885 Mobile phones: I phone 5, unlocked to any network, Black, 32GB, good cond, in original box with all accessories, 195 euros. I Phone 4S unlocked to any network, Black 16GB, as new condition, original box with all accessories 135 euros. Tel: Rob 690 274 617

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Free Ads / Classified

13th March - 19th March 2015

Property for renT (cont.)

Disabled ground floor studio, 100m from beach, Los Cristianos. UK TV. 425 euros p/month.

Tel: 632 518 114

Property for renT

Cars/BIKES

49 CW

Jobs (Cont.) promotional campaign in home, business, accident and funeral insurance... do you have the burning desire to achieve top rewards with the opportunity for advancement ? Its a rewarding career with great flexibility for the right candidates. Contact 648 899 761 for an interview Office staff required for food and drink distributor, based in Las Chafiras. Must speak English and Spanish and have a good telephone manner. Hours are 9am to 3pm, 5 days a week. Contract and good rates of pay offered. Mornings will be processing daily orders whilst afternoons will be selling to existing customers over the phone. Contact Dan on 636 929 241 or Barry on 610 553 447 Sales Reps wanted for a busy food and drink distributor based in Las Chafiras.

Must speak English and Spanish, have own vehicle and have experience in sales. Position is offered on a very high percentage commission basis, however a 3 month period is in place to pay a basic salary plus reduced commission rate whilst becoming familiar with range of products and company sales model. Full training will be offered and support from Sales Manager. This is an excellent opportunity to join a market leading company and enjoy a very high income.

Contact Dan on 636 929 241 or Barry on 610 553 447 Suncare Central are looking for 2 professional individuals with sales experience to join their team as ‘Suncare Supervisors’. One can be an English speaker but some Spanish would be an advantage. The second person must speak perfect English as well as Spanish and at least one other language, ideally German. This is a contracted position including a good basic wage and many other benefits, including company car and bonuses. Please send a CV cphillips@suncarecentral. com or call Craig on 651 172 738.

Ibex Insurance Services Ltd. is recruiting in Los Cristianos and seeking a positive, client focused, experienced Customer Service Advisor Part-time Tenerife. You will be responsible for taking inbound calls, giving quotes, selling the benefits of our products and converting the enquiries into sales and providing excellent customer service. To apply please send your CV to ibex.jobs@ibexinsure.com Closing date: 19 March Regency Resorts are looking for an experienced IPC/concierge. Should be self motivated, with a sunny disposition and who is looking for a challenge. Good package with fixed wage + commissions for the right candidate. Must be car owner. To set up interview please send CV to zaidha@regencyresorts.com

Air-conditioning

Ref: C1659.

TERRAZAS DEL CONDE, TORVISCAS ALTO. 2 bed penthouse on 134 m2 construction, 2 terraces with views of the coast and the sea. Garage parking space. Communal pool.

180.000 euros

C1667.

WINTER GARDENS, GOLF DEL SUR. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge, fully fitted kitchen, 2 terraces- one roof terrace that is very large.

Underground parking space. Pool.

183.750 euros

C1664.

PORTANOVA, TORVISCAS ALTO. 2 bedrooms, living room, 1 bathroom, fully equipped kitchen & 2 sunny terraces (50m2 + 40m2). It is furnished. Air con, parking, + pool.

210.000 euros

C1665.

SANTA MARIA, SAN EUGENIO. Top floor apartment with 2 bedrooms, large terrace with views, communal pool + many amenities on-site. 2nd line from the sea.

262.500 euros

www.thepropertygallery.com

Jobs Wanted for an established in house sales team in the South of Tenerife, Experienced Reps for fractional and points based products. Great commissions and weekly incentives. Limited positions. Apply now to justine@pearlygrey.com or call on 627 107 631 between 3 and 6 pm.

Adeslas the leading organization of medical and dental insurance in spain, seeks professional part-time and full time agents to spearhead their new top

Air conditioning and refrigeration. Tel: 639 361 181 or 688 620 707 or see electrical.

CW 50

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Classified / Service Point

Antiques

13th March - 19th March 2015

Construction

Electrician (cont.)

ALADDINS CAVE. Antiques & Vintage Goods bought & sold Tel: 922 720 493

Auction Fortnightly General Auctions at Tenerife Auction Rooms, Las Chafiras. Buy and sell almost anything! Collection & delivery available. Call 609 303 634

Furniture

Blinds

New Bed Bases & Mattresses for sale at Tenerife Auction Rooms, Las Chafiras. Excellent Quality, Low Prices, Next Day Delivery. Call 609 303 634

Garden Furniture

Cars

Health & Beauty www.fitnesswithdebbie.com Tel: 664 576 779

Home removal

Kitchens & bathrooms Colin Taylor – Renovations & Maintenance, Bathrooms, Kitchens, Tiling, Plumbing, Decorating, Plastering etc. Tel: 661 081 843 for quotation.

Lawyers

Good rates for long term or short term hire. Call us now for more information. Golf del Sur Tel: 922 738 761 Mob: 628 514 715 www.islandcarhire.com

Chiropodist Ann Malpass M.A.F.H.P. M.C.F.H.P. Qualified Chiropodist. All your foot care needs solved in the comfort of your own home/hotel.

Tel 625 799 570 Elaine Watson Jones MSSCh MBChA. Based in Los Cristianos.

I offer perosnal visits to the South of Tenerife. Tel: 608 029 790.

Email: canarianfeet@gmail.com

Driving School

Cleaning

Mechanics

Elite Cleaning Services is an established cleaning company who can provide a professional cleaning service for Apartments, Villas and Offices. Call us today on 922 789 795 or 696 922 597.

Electrician

Computers

Telephone: 922 736 728 E-mail: Computer Service Provider BT Authorised Dealer Dell Registered Partner

info@act-tenerife.com

Web:

www.act-tenerife.com

www.canarianweekly.com

Service Point

13th March - 19th March 2015

Patio Doors & Windows

Plumbing (cont.)

security (cont.)

Pool tables

Tiling

Reflexology

51 CW

Translation TENERIFE TRANSLATION SERVICES: Legally registered with over 25 years experience. Official, Medical, Notary, Wills, Utilities, Probate, Pensions, car paperwork and much more.

Professionalism and confidentiality guaranteed.

Transport available. Call Tracey on 666 857 991 or email on info@tenerifetranslationservices.com

TV and Satellite Removals UNIVERSAL EXPORTS S.L. PROFESSIONAL REMOVALS TO AND FROM THE U.K. Email: info@removals-tenerife.com Transport Licence: No. 11572932 C.I.F. No. B38820395 Tel: 922 720 711

Menny Fix, Satellite TV Tel 922 792 116 Avnd; Antonio Dominguez 18, Edif: MarOLa Local 2, Los Cristianos. EST 1994, Repairs, Maintenance and Sales.

Second-hand Shops

House, Apartment & Villa Clearances Everything bought for Cash Immediate Decisions

Personal ServiceS Super model companion, beautiful Spanish/German blonde, 30-40yrs old, dress size: 8-10. Cozy ambient, discreet visits.

10mins from Los Cristianos. Girls wanted. Tel: 604 145 735.

Patricia, blond, good looking Venezuelan in the calle Noruega in Los Cristianos, big breasts, no limits, hotel-home visits, tel 631 648 191

Pest control

Call Freddie on 609 303 634

Upholstery cleaning

Long & Short Term Storage also available.

Storage Short and Long Term Storage available at Tenerife Auction Rooms, anything from a suitcase to complete removals. Collection available. Call 609 303 634

repairs Windows

Plumbing security

Boiler King: All plumbing works undertaken including boiler replacements, drain clearance, swimming pool pump repair & maintenance. Tel: 680 278 579

CW 52

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Sport

13th March - 19th March 2015

The other Perez boy CD Tenerife 1 Leganes 0

By Roscoe THIS week, the Tenerife sports writers voted Ayoze their Sportsman of the Year after his stunning start to life in the Premier League with Newcastle.

But the name on all Tenerife fans lips at the moment is another striker called Perez.

Maxi the Uruguayan looks like Sideshow Bob’s younger, skinnier cousin and he has taken an age to settle into the side. In fact, he was on the verge of leaving in January.

But for a niggly calf injury, he would probably be back in South America, playing in front of a couple of hundred fans thousands of feet up a mountain in Ecuador.

His life would be a polar opposite compared with Ayoze, who is set for a new, bumper, fiveyear deal and can have his pick of the young Geordie talent on a night out in Big Market.

Maxi has looked so raw in a Tenerife shirt.

He’s quick and keen … but something has been missing.

It’s hard sometimes to settle into life in a new country, let alone a different continent. But three weeks ago, everything changed.

New Tenerife manager Raul Agne saw something that Alvaro Cervera didn’t.

With Abdon Prats not ready for the first team, Diego Ifran out of form and Aridane being, well Aridane, Agne was looking for a joker in the pack. And out of left field, Maxi has made his mark.

He was the wild-card inclusion against Las Palmas and he duly scored a fine opener.

And last weekend, he backed it up with another composed, clean finish after some superb build-up play.

He has showed his hand a little bit with the manner of both finishes and I will wager that opposition defenders will

now step off Maxi, rather than mark him skintight. He loves a turn and again, he rounded the keeper before sliding the ball into the net a minute before halftime.

And it was a lead Tenerife richly deserved against opponents who fancied the job.

The fans were top drawer and the players responded magnificently to Leganes’ secondhalf onslaught.

I wrote last week about what a difference Dani Hernandez has made in goal, and again he stepped up as Leganes poured on the pressure.

I must point out how well, in the first hour especially, Chuli played.

He snubbed Tenerife to join Leganes in January, and he has been in sparkling form. Despite getting endless stick from the fans, he sucked it all up and looks a player who would be comfortable in a higher division.

It was also nice to see Marc Bertran back at the Heliodoro. He received a few undeserved whistles. He was a good player for us and was a vital cog in the team who won promotion to La Liga.

His legs have gone a bit, which put him out of position a few times, but he can still tackle

and crack in a fine cross.

In truth, Leganes should have taken a point, but that’s football. It’s now three matches unbeaten, two clean sheets and seven massive points for CDT. There is daylight between Tenerife and the drop-zone - and with some very winnable matches coming up, we should be looking up and not down.

It’s Recreativo this weekend, and they have started to find some form. The players have just been paid for the first time since Halloween and this has coincided with a two-match unbeaten spell. Funny that!

Juan Pavon has a real task on his hands and it’s a baptism of fire for a first job. This time last season, Recreativo were third. It’s been a quick slide, and shows how important money is in the current footballing world.

They backed up the vital win at home against relegation rivals Racing Santander with an excellent point at Alcorcon, and this match is being hyped in Huelva as a ‘Cup Final’.

Tenerife have been here before, a few months back, when they went to Albacete and were chinned.

This game will be memorable for Vitolo, who will play his 100th competitive match for Tenerife. He made his debut back in September 2001 when, as an 18-year-old he faced Villarreal in a La Liga match at the Heliodoro.

What price a goal to mark the occasion?

Finally, young goalie Carlos Abad is back in training after recoverPosition

ing from a knee injury that has kept him out for a couple of months.

It’s hoped he will be fit to face Barca B at the end of the month, when Dani is on international duty for Venezuela.

A host of scouts from Real Madrid, Liverpool and Newcastle, among others, had been closely following his progress.

And this week his agent stirred the pot.

Points

PLD

Won

1

UD Las Palmas

53

28

14

2

Real Betis Balompié

53

28

15

3

Real Sporting

52

28

13

4

Real Valladolid CF

51

28

15

5

Girona FC

51

28

6

SD Ponferradina

42

7

Real Zaragoza

8

CD Numancia

9

CD Leganés

10 RCD Mallorca

He said that he expects offers for Abad at the end of the season from clubs in La Liga and overseas.

The first shot has been fired and Tenerife need to get their finger out and get him under a proper contract. If not, it will be another star player leaving on the cheap, just like a certain Ayoze Perez. Which is where we came in!

Draw Lost 11

F A

3

46

26

8

5

41

24

13

2

40

23

6

7

43

24

15

6

7

39

25

28

11

9

8

41

36

42

28

11

9

8

45

42

38

28

9

11

8

40

36

38

28

11

5

12

30

27

37

28

10

7

11

40

41

11 CD Lugo

37

28

9

10

9

32

36

12 UE Llagostera

36

28

10

6

12

25

29

13 AD Alcorcón

36

28

9

9

10

33

39

14 CD Mirandés

35

28

9

8

11

26

33

15 Deportivo Alavés

32

27

7

11

9

30

31

16 CD Tenerife

32

28

8

8

12

24

31

17 Albacete Balompié

30

28

8

6

14

34

45

18 Club Atlético Osasuna

30

27

8

6

13

27

39

19 Real Racing Club

28

28

7

7

14

27

31

20 RC Recreativo

27

28

6

9

13

25

37

21 FC Barcelona B

27

28

7

6

15

36

51

22 CE Sabadell FC

25

28

6

7

15

29

47

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Sport

13th March - 19th March 2015

53 CW

It’s in Playboys’ hands THE Division 1 table was so tight a few weeks ago that you would have been hardpressed to call a winner.

beat Naughty Nautas, while Summerlands and Clouseaus both recorded handy victories.

With the top two in Division 2 sitting it out, Chipeque Chippers had the chance to put some pressure on as they travelled to Phoenix Flights.

But the Los Abrigos outfit were having none of it and a fine performance, which included a first-ever singles win for Aunty Liz, gave the home team a 6-2 win.

Marilyns’ Lofty also had something to cheer about as he hit a 180 during his side’s 5-3 success at home agaianst Spear Chuckers, while The Rebels made the long trek back from Barracuda with a cool five-point haul.

And although the chasing teams have three games in hand, the Playboys look a near certainty, especially when the catchup matches include Trap Door v Shamrocks (twice), and the Playboys visit to Trap Door tonight (Friday).

The Playboys’ solid 6-2 win at Picassos maintains a healthy lead over Trap Door, who thumped Emerald Lounge 7-1. Gary hit a maximum for the Shamrocks as they

PRemier division ResultS

BAR 180 A TARGET TITANS VIKINGS ENSECAN

8-0 0-8 1-7

BOOTHEN PHOENIX BAR THE PUB

Meanwhile, Ourplace Playgirls’ defeat by Palms Sport Bar has guaranteed them the wooden spoon - again!

After an 8-0 bashing of the Boothen, and with just two matches left,,

Bar 180 A need a mere four points to retain the Premier League title. All that stands in their way is a catch-up match at The Pub, and Bar 180 B! For their part, The

Pub handed out a severe 7-1 beating to the Vikings, although Ensecan’s Duncan did put up a bit of a fight and hit his second maximum of the season.

Elsewhere, Phoenix

Bar showed no mercy at Target Titans, dropping just four legs to move back up to third spot - after whitewashing the Los Cristianos team a few weeks ago.

Division 1 ResultS

Division 2 ResultS

EMERALD SHAMROCKS 5-3 NAUGHTY NAUTAS PICASSOS 2-6 OURPLACE PLAYBOYS SUMMERLANDS 6-2 PAS O NADAS SUNDOWNERS 3-5 CLOUSEAUS TRAP DOOR 7-1 EMERALD LOUNGE

BARRACUDA HUNTERS 3-5 THE REBELS MARILYNS 5-3 SPEAR CHUCKERS OURPLACE PLAYGIRLS 3-5 PALMS SPORTS BAR PHOENIX FLIGHTS 6-2 CHIPEQUE CHIPPERS

Premier Division Table

Division 1 Table

Division 2 Table

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 BAR 180 A 22 18 3 1 139 37 102 139 2 THE PUB 22 16 3 3 126 50 76 126 3 PHOENIX BAR 22 15 3 4 119 57 62 119 4 TARGET ARMY 22 13 6 3 115 61 54 115 5 VIKINGS ENSECAN 22 10 4 8 96 80 16 96 6 TARGET TITANS 22 9 0 13 64 112 -48 64 7 GAFFERS B 23 4 2 17 61 123 -62 61 8 BAR 180 B 21 2 1 18 45 123 -78 45 9 BOOTHEN 22 1 0 21 27 149 -122 27

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 OURPLACE PLAYBOYS 28 21 5 2 153 71 82 153 2 TRAP DOOR 25 20 1 4 135 65 70 135 3 EMERALD SHAMROCKS 25 18 3 4 134 66 68 134 4 GAFFERS A 27 14 5 8 116 100 16 116 5 EMERALD LOUNGE 28 12 3 13 110 114 -4 110 6 SUMMERLANDS 28 9 6 13 107 117 -10 107 7 NAUGHTY NAUTAS 29 7 9 13 105 127 -22 105 8 CLOUSEAUS 27 8 5 14 89 127 -38 89 9 PAS O NADAS 28 4 4 20 85 139 -54 85 10 PICASSOS A 26 6 5 15 79 129 -50 79 11 SUNDOWNERS 27 5 4 18 79 137 -58 79

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 THE PALMS 26 18 4 4 132 76 56 132 2 WATERFALL WARRIORS 25 17 5 3 129 71 58 129 3 CHIPEQUE CHIPPERS 26 16 4 6 122 86 36 122 4 PALMS SPORTS BAR 25 14 4 7 115 85 30 115 5 MARILYNS 25 9 2 14 100 100 0 100 6 THE REBELS 25 12 1 12 100 100 0 100 7 PHOENIX FLIGHTS 25 10 5 10 97 103 -6 97 8 BARRACUDA HUNTERS 26 8 4 14 93 115 -22 93 9 SPEAR CHUCKERS 26 6 1 19 79 129 -50 79 10 OURPLACE PLAYGIRLS 25 1 2 22 49 151 -102 49

Harry Kane’s the non-believers It was a double week in the Oasis FM Fantasy Football League and one match last weekend shook things up a bit.

The majority of managers tend to have so called star strikers as their captains, hoping for a couple of goals and double points but over the last couple of games, they have all under performed in terms of goals, maybe time for a change but it can be difficult spotting

which striker is going to hit form next.

The London derby between QPR and Tottenham meant that managers who keep an eye on the fixture list would get a vital double bubble burst with players from those sides. This meant some shrewdies brought in Harry Kane, and gave him the armband. He hit a brace and with the double points for being captain, he rewarded

followers with 30 fine points.

It’s an important lesson for managers to heed as this so of event will be common between now and the end of the season.

Nicky Abbott, a Spurs fan, was in on the coup and it took him back top of the pile.

And there is not much now between the top managers. All the top 10 will think they still

have a chance of nicking the title. In the battle at Oasis Fm Towers, Adi Benson increased his lead over Chris Elkington to 45 points and if he continues with steady point scoring he should be crowned Oasis FM champ. Roscoe is still licking his wounds back in third spot, a massive 143 points behind Adi, but John Zammit looks like taking the wooden spoon, but he is only 70

points behind Roscoe and that can easily be

made up with one or two good weeks.

Fantasy Football League 1. Boomtown Rabz

Nick Abbott

87

1530

2. Inter Malone

Ray Malone

73

1526

3. Coffee shop karma

Gordon Wilson

88

1522

4. Kingsmead Krunchers

Stephen Snook

79

1513

5. Toffees

Frank Devaney

93

1506

6. Crossfire Hurricanes

Warren Wilson

91

1501

7. Fc Twenty

Anthony Cracknell

98

1485

8. Dan United

Dan Lawton

64

1483

9. PJs Plodders

Paul Jones

75

1479

10. SpArTaNs

Jamie Palmer

89

1479

CW 54

www.canarianweekly.com

Sport

13th March - 19th March 2015

Gaffers still on for double THERE was a break this week in the Direct Telecom Pool League as the quarter-finals of the Tenerife Pool Tables Cup and Plate competitions took place.

Gaffers A, hoping for a League-and-Cup double this season, hosted Inn the Pink A in the Cup, and it looked like a tasty fixture on paper.

Over the first few frames it was close, with Gaffers leading 3-2 after the first five. Inn the Pink sensed they had a chance for an upset, but the home team then shifted through the gears and were far too strong for the visitors. And once they got a few frames clear, they quickly wrapped up the match.

In an all-Second Division game, Waterfall Jokers played host to Bluebell A down on Golf del Sur. These two teams are close in terms of league positions, and it showed on the night.

The first four frames were shared, as were the next four. Yes, you’ve guessed: after

the final four it was 6-6!

As it was a cup-tie, a tie-break was needed.

Mark who had won all three of his games for the Jokers, faced off against George, who seemed a strange choice after losing two of his three frames, especially as team-mate Ralphy had won two from two.

The game was tight but Mark continued his winning form, taking the decider to give the Rebels victory.

Waterfall Rebels, also in the quarters, didn’t have far to travel to meet The Phoenix in Los Abrigos. There is a little history between the two teams, but the game was played in a great atmosphere.

Unfortunately, it started badly for the away team with Sheepy being seven-balled by Sergio, although this came about from two strange breaks.

Rebels didn’t really recover from this early setback and failed to find a rhythm. The games were tight, but the Phoenix kept edging them and soon achieved victory.

Phoenix Potters were looking to make it two teams from the bar in the semi-finals as they faced Palms Bar B

Division 1 Table

Division 2 table

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 Gaffers A 19 16 3 0 162 66 96 51 2 Tenerife Hammers A 20 15 4 1 156 84 72 49 3 The Phoenix 20 10 4 6 129 111 18 34 4 Palms Bar A 21 9 5 7 132 120 12 32 5 Treehouse A 21 9 4 8 130 122 8 31 6 Inn The Pink A 20 9 3 8 125 115 10 30 7 Waterfall Rebels 19 7 5 7 111 117 -6 26 8 Palms Bar B 20 7 4 9 110 130 -20 25 9 Terrace Bar B 19 7 4 8 101 127 -26 25 10 Dreamers A 19 6 5 8 113 115 -2 23 11 Phoenix Potters 18 7 1 10 105 111 -6 22 12 Exiles B 19 5 5 9 103 125 -22 20 13 The Peacocks 19 3 7 9 100 128 -28 16 14 Terrace Bar A 21 4 3 14 103 149 -46 15 15 Tenerife Hammers C 19 3 3 13 84 144 -60 12

Table 1 Sporting Jester A 2 Bluebell A 3 Inn The Pink B 4 Waterfall Jokers 5 Gaffers B 6 James Place 7 Picasso’s A 8 Hoppys Bar 9 Tenerife Pool Tables 10 Next Door 11 Sporting Jester B 12 Dreamers B 13 Treehouse B 14 The Crown

down in Torviscas.

Les made a fine start for the visitors when he beat Shammy, but Potters then lost three in a row and looked as though they would be heading for an early exit.

However, they are a tough bunch of pensioners and after captain Geoff’s pep talk, they promptly won the next six frames for victory and that semi-final spot.

In the Tenerife Pool Tables Plate, Terrace Bar B were looking to emulate their A team, who won the competition four seasons ago.

They hosted Second Division Gaffers B and committed the ultimate sin of taking their opponents far too lightly.

Gaffers, n their shorts

and vests, give the appearance of having just come from the beach.

But they really can play pool!

By the time the Terrace team realised it, they were already behind - and never got back into the game.

Scudz was their best player, winning his three games, but he couldn’t inspire his team-mates.

Gaffers showed a maturity about their game and celebrated as if they had won the trophy after securing the winning frame.

Tenerife Hammers A are still on course for a title, but they had to get past the Peacocks, who have become somewhat of a bogey team for them.

Again, it was a close encounter, and Hammers needed to be at their best to progress.

Close frames ensued, but the home team proved too strong and managed to get over the line.

The remaining two quarter-finals were close, both ending with tie-break deciders. First up were Inn the Pink B against Sporting Jester A - two Second Division rivals - and, with Jesters leading the league, they were favourites.

But Inn the Pink (pictured) took three early frames and, by the time they lined up for the final section of the match, they led 5-3 and confidence was high.

But Jesters dug deep

P 19 19 17 18 18 17 17 19 17 17 17 18 17 18

W D L F A +- PTS 17 2 0 169 59 110 53 12 2 5 128 100 28 38 10 6 1 123 81 42 36 11 3 4 126 90 36 36 10 3 5 126 90 36 33 9 3 5 122 82 40 30 8 2 7 108 96 12 26 7 2 10 112 116 -4 23 6 2 9 90 114 -24 20 6 0 11 102 102 0 18 5 0 12 82 122 -40 15 3 2 13 84 132 -48 11 2 3 12 84 120 -36 9 2 2 14 32 184 -152 8

Tenerife Pool Tables Cup last 8

Gaffers A Waterfall Jokers The Phoenix Palms B

8 - 4 7- 6 8 - 4 4 - 8

Inn The Pink A Bluebell A Waterfall Rebels Phoenix Potters

Tenerife Pool Tables Plate last 8

Inn The Pink B Terrace B Tenerife Hammers A Hoppys

7 - 6 4-8 7-5 6 - 7

Jester A Gaffers B Peacocks Next Door

Tenerife Pool Tables Cup semi final

The Phoenix Gaffers A

vs at Terrace Bar vs at Treehouse

Waterfall Jokers Phoenix Potters

Tenerife Pool Tables Plate semi final

Inn The Pink B

vs Tenerife Hammers A at Dreamers Next Door vs Gaffers B at Hoppys Matches will be played on April 7th and took three from four to force a tiebreak. Tony took on Scott for the decider and was confident after three earlier wins. And his confidence was well-placed as he pulled off a great win.

The final clash also involved two Second Division teams, as Hoppy’s took on Next Door bar. It was another of those games that went 2-2, 4-4 and then finally 6-6, although at one stage Next Door led 6-4 but couldn’t get over the line.

So, in a final-frame shoot-out, the home side’s Clive faced Darren, both players having won three games apiece. There was not

much to choose from but Darren kept his nerve and took the black to ease Next Door into the semis.

The draw for the last four saw the Phoenix sides avoid each other, keeping alive the bar’s dream of a derby final.

The Phoenix will be confident of seeing off Second Division Waterfall Jokers at their lucky venue, while Potters must upset the odds at Treehouse, when they face Gaffers A. Hoppys bar hosts the second-tier battle between Next Door and Gaffers B for the right to face Inn The Pink B or Tenerife Hammers A in the Plate final in June.

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Premier Preview

13th March - 19th March 2015

55 CW

FA Cup Preview

Safety-first Palace look secure

By Adi Benson

WE are back to the excitement of Premier League action, following the FA Cup break, and it is shaping up to be an exciting run-in.

With just 11 games remaining, teams are now jostling for position at the top and the bottom.

Swansea v Liverpool Swansea took a chance by appointing Garry Monk as manager, but he has had a good first season and they could still finish in the top seven. They have coped with the loss of several key players and are a difficult team to play against, especially at home where they have picked up the majority of their points.

They will be hard to break down in defence and will look to hit Liverpool on the break. The Reds are yet to be beaten in the League this year, but all runs come to an end sooner or later, and they looked tired in the FA Cup draw against Blackburn. They play at such a high tempo, which is why their line-up works. But if they are below-par with their fitness, they struggle to score goals. A week’s rest will have helped, but will it be enough?

Prediction: Away win

Leicester v Hull

Sunderland v Aston Villa

West Brom v Stoke

With each passing week, it gets more difficult for Leicester, and if they are to pull off a shock and stay up, they need to win this one to start a run of form. They are seven points from safety and, of course, it depends on results elsewhere. But a loss could see a 10-point gap open up. Confidence is low but if they can take points here, they are still in with a chance.

Hull are also fighting for their Premier League status and they know they must beat these opponents to make life a little easier for themselves. Normally, 40 points is the safety target.

But this season it will be around 24 points, so a win will be a big step closer for them.

This could be the game of the weekend, with both teams desperate for a win to ease relegation worries. Sunderland have been awful all season but, as it stands, there are four teams below them. Yet that could change in this fixture. They played okay last time out against Man Utd, and must be at the top of their game to ensure victory. Villa, coming into this on the back of two wins against bitter rivals West Brom, will be confident they can beat Sunderland and move above them. Tim Sherwood has galvanised them since his arrival, and they look sharper in front of goal. If they can take an early lead, they should go on to finish the job.

It has been a rough week or so for the Baggies after such a good run. And, fortunately, that run helped put a fair amount of distance between themselves and the bottom teams. But they still need a few more points to feel comfortable. This will be a good test, and they can match their opponents physically.

Stoke, enjoying their best Premier League campaign, will hope to keep their fine run going. They have not been affected by the loss of Bojan, and, in fact, his injury his given Peter Crouch a chance to shine. He has hit four goals in as many weeks, and Mark Hughes’ men are on a charge.

Prediction: Draw

Prediction: Away win

Prediction: Away win

Crystal Palace v QPR

Arsenal v West Ham

Burnley v Man City

Palace, who have made steady progress under Alan Pardew, are eight points clear of the relegation places. Another three points from this clash and they will be playing Premier League football again next season. At home, they have been strong and difficult to beat, and that has been key to their fight for survival.

QPR are definitely in a relegation scrap and even a win here wouldn’t guarantee them climbing out of the bottom three.

But if they are to survive, they must win this game. They have the players capable of doing so, but they need to play together and it won’t be easy for them.

Arsenal, buoyant after knocking Man Utd out of the FA Cup, will be hoping to cement third spot with another win. Their creative players are in good form and they will be a handful for their opponents’ defence. Possession is the key to their form.

West Ham are going backwards, slipping to 10th place from a lofty fourth recently. Defeat won’t see them lose that position, but their rivals could move closer.

They need to keep it tight at the back, which will be a huge task, and I can only see them striving to draw.

Burnley must have studied the fixtures of those teams around them, knowing they could be six points off safety by the end of the weekend. and then a glance at their own opponents will make them feel worse. But they have proved this season that they can get results against the bigger clubs and boy, do they need one here.

Man City must win every remaining game to stand a chance of retaining their title, and that win against Leicester merely papered over the cracks of their defeat by Liverpool. Stories of dressing-room unrest will not help, and they need to put in a positive performance to boost their confidence.

Prediction: Home win

Prediction: Home win

Prediction: Away win

Man Utd v Spurs

Chelsea v Southampton

Everton v Newcastle

Van Gaal is not going to win a trophy in his first season as United manager, as he has done at his other clubs, and they are in real danger of slipping out of the top four as they have some tricky games coming up. They have been under-performing but getting results, but now they face a run of games featuring Liverpool, Man City and Chelsea. If they play at the level they have been, a heavy defeat is on the cards. A win here for Spurs would put them level on points with their opponents and a huge step in the race for the Champions League. Harry Kane is on fire, goals-wise and we saw what he did to Chelsea’s defence in the first League fixture. If he plays like that against United, goals will come. Spurs need to keep it tight at the back and win the midfield battles ... and the points are there for the taking.

Chelsea are champions-elect in most people’s eyes, five points clear with a game in hand.

But they come into this fixture after a testing Champions League clash against Paris St Germain. They are at home, though, where they are so difficult to beat, and they will come out playing at pace in search of an early goal. Diego Costa, who started the season so well, needs to get back among the goals.

Southampton have had a decent rest period, with no FA Cup game, and will have fresher legs. Despite slipping places in recent weeks, they are not out of the race for fourth spot yet, as they are only four points behind Man Utd, who occupy that position. They are capable of a big result, and they could reopen the title race with one here.

Everton are by no means out of the relegation fight as they continue their poor run of form, losing at Stoke in their last league game. Roberto Martinez has taken them backwards this season and for me, it all revolves around their European run. The Thursday games have taken their toll on a small squad, leading to many defeats in the ensuing league matches.

Newcastle’s target at the beginning of the season must have surely been a European place, but that won’t be achieved as they sit 11th going into this fixture. The early-season problems with the manager and the board haven’t helped, and they are simply cruising to the end of the season. The right results makes a top-10 finish still possible, but it is not good enough for a club this size.

Prediction: Away win

Prediction: Away win

Prediction: Draw

CW 56

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