“Eternally Teenage”- Allison Tovey page 4 “Losing My Religon” - Kaitlyn Tiffany page 8 “Soundtrack Of My Life” - Kaitlyn Tiffany page 18 “October Playlist” - Allison Tovey page 19 “11.26.15” - Christina Amaral page 20 “October Moodboard” - Allison Tovey page 22 “Halloween Highlights” - Allison Tovey page 26 “October Visual Diary” - Allison Tovey page 31 “November Moodboard” - Allison Tovey page 44 “November Favorites” - Allison Tovey page 48 “Stop and Smell The Roses” - Kaitlyn Tiffany 49 “Fall Break Ennui” - Allison Tovey page 52 Lourdes Olivares page 56 “How To Start A Feminist Club” - Kaitlyn Tiffany page 58 “November Visual Diary” - Allison Tovey page 67
Eternally Teenage Allison Tovey
Losing My Religion // Losing Your Mind, Losing Faith, and Letting Go
By: Kaitlyn Tiffany
Before things get too deep, here are some fascinating and stunning films that relate to this topic…
1) Requiem for a Dream (2000) dir. Darren Aronofsky “The drug-induced utopias of four Coney Island people are shattered when their addictions become stronger.”
2) Fight Club (1999) dir. David Fincher An insomniac office worker, looking for a way to change his life, crosses paths with a devil-may-care soap maker, forming an underground fight club that evolves into something much, much more...
3) Dallas Buyers Club (2013) dir Jean-Marc Vallée “In 1985 Dallas, electrician and hustler Ron Woodroof works around the system to help AIDS patients get the medication they need after he is diagnosed with the disease.”
4) It’s Kind of a Funny Story (2010)
dir. Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck “A clinically depressed teenager gets a new start after he checks himself into an adult psychiatric ward.”
5) Girl, Interrupted (1999) dir. James Mangold “Based on writer Susanna Kaysen's account of her 18month stay at a mental hospital in the 1960s.”
6) Edge of Seventeen (1998) dir. David Moreton “A teenager copes with his sexuality on the last day of school in 1984. It shows him coping with being gay and being with friends.”
7) Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma “A 10-year old transgender boy moves to a new neighborhood with his family. He introduces himself as a boy for the first time to new friends.”
8) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind dir. Michal Gondry “When their relationship turns sour, a couple undergoes a procedure to have each other erased from their memories. But it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with.”
9) Wild (2014) dir. Jean-Marc Vallée “A chronicle of one woman's 1,100-mile solo hike undertaken as a way to recover from a recent personal tragedy.”
10) The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) dir. Stephen Chbosky “An introvert freshman is taken under the wings of two seniors who welcome him to the real world.”
Oh, life is bigger That was just a dream It's bigger than you And you are not me The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh, no, I've said too much I set it up That's me in the corner That's me in the spot light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh, no, I've said too much I haven't said enough
But that was just a dream That's me in the corner That's me in the spot light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh, no I've said too much I haven't said enough I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try But that was just a dream Try, cry, why, try That was just a dream Just a dream, just a dream, dream
I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try Every whisper Of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool Oh, no, I've said too much I set it up
Consider this Consider this the hint of the century Consider this The slip that brought me To my knees failed What if all these fantasies Come flailing around Now I've said too much I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try
With school back in session and the semester half over, some of us might be contemplating pulling an Enid and leaving town without saying a word, if any of you are feeling this way…I can relate. October has been kind of a weird month for me, I remember some parts of the month like a sunshine daydream, but others are reminiscent of my depressing summer. I’ve been thinking a lot about over-consumption, American ideologies, and thinking “What is the point in living on the planet”. Losing my religion, that can mean a lot of things. To me it means two thing, physically removing myself from the egocentric, virtually anyone-phobic, and racist vibes radiating from my past religion and getting rid of what I have been told to be. They brainwashed me to believe their conservative, antiprogressive views and for a long time…I believed them. That all changed when I became a feminist. I left the church (unofficially), researched, decided I was a Democrat/GreenParty and went on with my life. I experimented with spirituality and found serenity and comfort in Buddhism and Paganism. The reason I’m mentioning this is because I think it is so important to shed what doesn’t serve you. Through my experiences I’ve learned to not always trust what people say, this might seem like kind of a bad habit, but in the long run I think it is so important to do your own research and to learn from every perspective. Also, it’s important to know that you do NOT have to follow what other people tell you to do. Our parents (usually) have our best interest at heart, but there is no rule book stating that you have to believe what they believe or even respect their beliefs. Obviously I feel that we should all respect every religion, but if one of your family members constantly makes racist, sexist, or homophobic comments, you do not have to make excuses for them.
Most of the time, I just shut my mouth because I hate getting into fights with my family, but I just want to let everyone know that it’s completely normal and okay to disagree with them. In regards to religion, all I want to say is that you have the right to practice whatever you want. If your parents are Muslim but you want to be Catholic, go ahead. If your parents are Christian, but you want to be Pagan, then go ahead. You practice what YOU believe, that is the most helpful advice I can give. Losing my religion also can mean getting rid of what you are taught to be in life, the words and ideas that your society teaches you. Challenge the norms that they set for you as often as you can and remember to always question why we follow these traditions in the first place. Another thing I want to talk about is mental health, as a person who experiences O.C.D, Anxiety, and depression, I want you to know that it gets better. As of right now I am undiagnosed and do not take medication, but I know what I feel every day and I can relate to so many of you. The biggest issue that I have with my mind is intrusive thoughts. These are basically irrational, depressing, or anxious thoughts that pop in my head for no reason, without warning. They can be sparked by one event/comment or they could come from absolutely nowhere. These thoughts, along with the other upsetting things that swim around in my head, can make me feel overwhelmed and confused sometimes. What I have learned from looking back on my anxiety attacks is how irrational my behavior is and how hard it is to see that in the moment. My challenge for all of you is to try and recognize (if you can) when you’re being irrational and even start practicing mental health techniques, because everyone has issues and everyone needs to take care of themselves.
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Try taking hot baths listening to John Denver, Jackson Browne, or Don McClean, they have absolutely amazing voices and are so calming. Write down in a journal about your good days (and sometimes your bad ones). Make music playlists for every month, bring to yourself seasonal vibes and enjoy songs that bring you happiness (while also seeing how your music taste changes over the year). Try to either listen to music, draw, write, or read 1 hour before you go to bed (instead of stare at your phone). It will help with your sleep and your mind. Surround yourself with positive people and always keep in mind the complexity of the world (at least it makes my problems seem easier to fix).
Lastly, I want to remind everyone to LET GO every once in a while. Take a deep breath, pull in all your good vibes, and exhale positivity. I just really wanted to address this and I hope you all can realize your path and execute your desires. Have a great day! XOXO Kaitlyn
October Playlist Allison Tovey
Chinese Fountain // The Growlers Here Comes Your Man // Pixies It’s Oh So Quiet // Bjork Hotline Bling // Drake You Sexy Thing // Hot Chocolate Goo Goo Muck // The Cramps Little Girls // Oingo Boingo Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t Have) // The Buzzcocks More Than A Feeling // Boston Rock Lobster // The B52’s Welcome To New York // Taylor Swift I Wanna Be Where The Boys Are // The Runaways
Photos by Christina Amaral Modeled by Allison Tovey
HALLOWEEN HIGHLIGHTS
Strange Magic moments from the best weekend ever
Friday: •
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In line at the gas station buying gummy worms in my Courtney Love costume holding a fake blood covered wax figure of my hand doing the middle finger. Then sitting in the elevator in my slip dress and tiara eating gummy worms and watching Addams Family Values on my phone buying time before Rocky Horror started. Every single second of Rocky Horror live. Standouts include the boy dressed up like Divine, the girl in front of me making a killer RuPaul’s Drag Race reference, and Dr. Frank-nFurter laying across my lap and lipsyncing INTO MY SOUL during Don’t Dream It Be It then mussing up my hair and kissing my boob. Easily the best moment of my life so far. Walking back to my dorm at two in the morning in my shredded tights, black fur coat, and platform heels and making defiant eye contact at the drunk people wandering back to their residence halls giving me weird looks. I later wrote in my diary that the whole experience reminded me of one of my favorite Hole lyrics from one of my favorite songs of theirs, Teenage Whore. “I’ve seen your repulsion and it looks real good on you”
Saturday: • Walking around downtown by myself listening to the Rocky Horror soundtrack and looking at all of the people in costumes. Shout out to the guy who made his friend take of picture of him pretending to give a blow job to a scarecrow that this church had set up. • Grace and I singing and dancing to songs from Grease outside the local donut shop while Hannah hummed along and Natalie wished she hadn’t dressed up like Sandy. • Barefoot and in pajamas walking down the hall to my room from Natalie and Grace’s at two or three or four in the morning, running into Anika and Lauren and not letting them go to sleep until I told them about Dr. Frank-n-Furter kissing my boob.
Sunday • Spending the morning sleeping in and then learning the dance from the Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush music video • In the second floor activity lounge at midnight sprawled out on the couch working on my French homework while Abby and Christina tried to fall asleep. • Abby, Christina, Curtis, and I on his bed watching Friends while Chase fell asleep in John’s bed.
Fright Night Science Fiction/Double Feature // The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack This Is Halloween // Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack Monster Mash // Bobby Boris Pickett and The Crypt-Keepers Goo Goo Muck // The Cramps Monster Rap // Elvira Pet Semetary // Ramones Dead Man’s Party // Oingo Boingo Call Me On The Ouija Board // Sharon Needles Spellbound // Siouxsie and The Banshees The Killing Moon // Echo and The Bunnymen She’s In Parties // Bauhaus Halloween // The Misfits Psycho Killer // Talking Heads Halloween // Sonic Youth Season Of The Witch // Hole Rhiannon // Fleetwood Mac Wuthering Heights // Kate Bush I Put A Spell On You // Screamin Jay Hawkins In Heaven // Eraserhead soundtrack Time Warp // The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack
October Visual Diary
Allison Tovey
Stop and Smell the Roses By: Kaitlyn Tiffany Sometimes I get really depressed. I look up at the grey, cloud covered sky…and then at my stack of meaningless homework. I drink my coffee and try to drown myself in the sugary, caffeinated sustenance. Then I’ll listen to the song “I’m going home” from Rocky Horror and contemplate whether or not I will ever want to come back here, or if I will ever have a place to call home. This town is a cage.
It’s a tight turtle neck that won’t let you breathe. It’s the feeling of a stuffy nose during the cold winter months, when it’s almost impossible to fall asleep because you can’t get any air. It’s being stuck in a cramped car for seven hours on a road trip, you forget where you come from or where you are going. It’s like being in a silent classroom while everyone is taking their final exam. My town is like a brochure for life, that gives you high expectations, but your visit is never what you expect. But you don’t have to live in sadness.
Your current location may not be ideal. You may want to leave every single day, but it gets better and you have such a bright future ahead of you. My advice that I have learned in the month of November is to try your best to enjoy the PRESENT (because it is truly a gift). Take each day and make something great out of it. Be observant and record your thoughts and feelings because it is amazing how much we change over time.
Look forward to your amazing independent future, but remember to stop and smell the roses along the way. Here are some movies and songs that have to do with the idea of home, school, or just simply getting out of town.
Films The Adventures of Pricilla: Queen of the Desert (1994) Across the Universe (2007) Anywhere But Here (1999)
Into the Wild (2007) The Graduate (1967) Moonrise Kingdom (2012) Fame (1980) Dead Poets Society (1989) Reality Bites (1994)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Songs
I Can Never Go Home Anymore by The Shangri-Las Don’t Call Home by The Breeders I’m Going Home from The Rocky Horror Picture Show Go Where You Wanna Go by The Mamas and Papas
Don’t Look Back by Boston This Used To Be My Playground by Madonna Malibu by Hole Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone by Bill Withers So Far Away by Carole King The Road by Jackson Browne
Allison Tovey
By Lourdes Olivares
How to Start a Feminist Club By: Kaitlyn Tiffany I will always remember the day when I confided in my best friend that I wanted to make a feminist club, that decision has been life changing and I will never be able to express how grateful I am to her for not just helping me with the group, but being my partner. The idea came to me when watching the film The Punk Singer (2013), which is a documentary about the amazing singer and activist Kathleen Hanna, who is the reclaimed founder of the riot-grrrl movement in the 1990s. Through watching the film, I learned about how she hosted monthly meetings in places such as libraries, roller rinks, and houses, where they would talk about feminism and the current issues facing women at the time. This idea just fascinated me because what she organized not only reached the women of her area, but similar groups were also formed around the country and abroad. Her message transcended her city and changed the lives of so many people. She is a remarkable woman who evolved the 3rd wave of feminism and set the stage for the 21st century.
“I think that the Internet is really cool because a lot of young feminists don’t feel like they have to reinvent the wheel…That one girl who’s in the class and says that something is sexist doesn’t have to feel alone” said Hanna.
We both appreciate her efforts in feminism, although we decided to take what she did and tweak it for the girls and teens of today. We started an Instagram page called Girl Talk this year and are still amazed by how many people share the same views as us, along with how many people sadly don’t agree. Our club started as just an idea, a cotton-candy cloud suspended above our heads, where we dreamed of a place where girls could feel comfortable, safe, and free to talk about their problems. Instead we made our dream come to life and ever since our lives have been better.
That dream came to reality the night of our first meeting. It was at a bowling alley during July of this past summer. We bowled, ate cheap fries, talked about feminism, discussed with a non-feminist who came with one of her friends, and even skyped a girl who followed our page. It was a night full of inspiration and laughter that I will never forget. It was the first time that we felt confident in the group and actually felt like we could actually be leaders. On the way home, we looked into each other’s eyes and telepathically said “We can do this”, I knew then and there that this club was no longer just a fantasy.
Now we have a following on Instagram of over 3,500 and we are still growing daily. We are also starting the club at our school and the application process is complete. Our first in-school meeting will be during the month of November and it’s been such a long journey, I can hardly believe where we are now. Feminism has been the most important thing in my life for years and it feels so surreal to actually walk in the footsteps of the women who inspire me every day. I encourage all of you to find something that you are passionate about as well!
My 5 steps to create a feminist club
1) Decide whether or not you are going to be all inclusive: Our Girl Talk group is an “intersectional feminist” club, which basically means that we look through all lenses and perspectives (such as age, race, class, sexuality, ability, etc.) when talking about female oppression. You can just simply start a “feminist” club, but it makes it more interactive and progressive when you at least look at feminism through more than one lens.
2) Create a name - what are you going to call your group: “Girl Talk” is actually supposed to be ironic, it kind of reminded me of the film 9-5 (1980) and the TV show Golden Girls (19851992). I wanted to take a popular saying that people use against women to dismiss their conversations as vain or unimportant, and turn it into a powerful message. We talk about important issues (not that make-up and fashion should ever be considered shallow or only girl topics), but we wanted to create a space where girls could feel comfortable and confident in speaking about serious problems. Think of something that relates to the issue you are most vested in, or something like “Feminism is for Every-BODY club”, because puns are always great.
3) Start a social media page - How to get your name out there: If I haven’t made it abundantly clear, social media is your friend. It is so amazing to share your message with people from all around the world and to feel connected with people you haven’t even met in person. Create an Instagram, Twitter, and/or Tumblr where you try to post daily about your cause. Discuss ideas with others and allow your friends and people in your area to learn about the group. 4) Learn as much as you can about the cause beforehand – remembering to prepare for debating is crucial: The most helpful and important advice/step I can give is to…know the facts. The last thing that you want to happen is have a situation where you are unable to come up with a rebuttal. Feminism does not solely revolve around arguing, it’s a conversation, although you will most-likely have your fair share of debates. Unfortunately not everyone believes that women should be equal. Fortunately, if we all join in this movement together, we can create a world where people are free to be whoever they want to be.
5) Set a date, pick a location, and advertise - let the people know when and where you are meeting: Our first real effort of advertisement was giving out flyers to our friends and class mates. Another fun thing you can do is create a logo, we designed ours on paper and then showed it to one of our computerart savvy friends who transposed it to digital and it made us feel so legitimate. I highly encourage having one, but it’s absolutely optional. Pick a day that you want your first meeting to be, choose a day that is open for as many people as possible. Also find a place you can host your gatherings. School are your best bet, and if you can get into them I would honestly say it’s worth it. If not, try your local coffee shop, library, book store, park, bowling alley, or even at one of your houses. Overall, it’s about your conversations, not where you are.
I wish you all the best, good luck!
Our organization binder is where we keep names, addresses, important dates, meeting ideas, etc.
November Visual Diary
Allison Tovey
Thank you so much for reading the sixth issue of The Candy Zine!!! Follow this issue’s lovely contributors on Instagram Allison Tovey @suzybish0p Kaitlyn Tiffany @holelottalove Christina Amaral @chrissietinaa Lourdes Olivares @lodores_