Volume 5 Issue 6 February 2023

Let’s make a change. Together.

One story at a time. One word at a time. One person at a time. BUT together.

Community has multiple meanings but let’s start with this fact: The World is a Giant Global Community.

We are ALL different. That does NOT give us the right to put others down, discriminate, to hate, to hurt, to shoot…we ARE still a GLOBAL community.

There are multiple communities within the GLOBAL community…that is one of my favourite parts of the community because it is amazing to watch the different communities collide, which creates remarkable learning experiences, opportunities for growth and a stronger more diverse GLOBAL community.

Everyone plays a role in the circus. Everyone has a purpose.

Instead of labelling, judging, or passing by, let’s stop!

Let’s learn. Let’s ask questions. Let’s push each other to be better & support one another.

Let’s treat everyone as if they are a part of our community BECAUSE THEY ARE!

Krista Malden, Founder of CN! Magazine, Community Connector, Storyteller. #Ittakesacommunity

Volume 5 Issue 6 February 2023

Featuring Content By:

- Wakefield Brewster

- Christina Henderson

- Kathy James

- Furkhan Dandia

- Blaise Hunter

- Krista Malden

“In The Community” Features:

- No Fixed Address

- The Calgary Foundation

- Peer Guidance

- Innovation Events

Thank you to ALL our Advertisers. Supporters, Readers, Partners, and Sponsors. To get involved email publisher@communitynowmagazine.com

Volume 5 Issue 6 | Feb 2023. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher and writer.

In the spirit of respect and truth, we acknowledges the traditional territories of the people of the Treaty 7 region in Southern Alberta, which includes the Blackfoot Confederacy (comprising the Siksika, Piikani, and Kainai First Nations), as well as the Tsuut’ina First Nation, and the Stoney Nakoda (including the Chiniki, Bearspaw, and Wesley First Nations). The City of Calgary is also home to Métis Nation of Alberta, Region III.

Copyright 2022 ZX Media Corporation, Calgary Alberta Canada Community Now! Magazine.

#BlackHistoryMonth2023

Wakefield Brewster aka: Da Lyrical PitBull

Calgary Poet Laureate 2022-2024

Professional Poet & Spoken Word Artist

Professional Poetic Interpreter™

Founder & Curator: Page2Stage Productions

http://www.wakefieldbrewster.com

Inspired by the murder of George Floyd. Dedicated to the memory of My Friend, Patrick Shand.

BLACKOUT

- Wakefield Brewster

2020 s’pose to represent perfect vision

Coincidentally cultures be on courses of collision

Pressuring the people into doings of division

Debating

Demonstrating Getting down with Demolition

Coming crystal clearly on da coattail of da-COVID

Same-Ol’-Shit-Story

Put you in da KNOW-VID

Gotta stop a RunningMan

Click-BANG-GO-DID

But nothing really rocked us like da

Death of G-FLO-DID

Don’t Believe The Hype

Or the news

Or the lie

For every day MyBrother from AnotherMother die

Goodbye how I missed her

Lovingly I kissed her

Every day we miss a Sister from AnotherMister

Death defying daylight

So that everybody saw

Another daily modern lynching

Under Jim Crow Law

Da WU had always warned us

Better get ya shit in check

Cuz even though I got your back

Ya best proteck ya neck

I’m shaking when I show my wallet

Or even cash a chèque

I know this cop is gonna call it

His life was under threat

Popping off his pistol

Like the bullet owed a debt

My brain and his ballistic

Gonna have a tête à tête

A situation might arise

That you did not expect

Immediately in their eyes

Now you looking suspect

Though now we’re living freer

Check the etymology

My message move in clear

Spectacular vernacular

Puts vision on the veer

He’s the Long Arm Of The Law

But he’s lawless on theLand

He’s the leading cause of BlackDeath

He’s The BubonicMan

He’s da bully and da bouncer

A MonkeyMan in dress

Wit’ key an’ cuff diss monkey nuff

Lock up ya han’ in stress

Even if you see your day in court

It’s full court press

Next they put the fullness of your life

Upon duress

He’s the first line of authority

In Da-Master-Master-Plan

A cop can kill you quicker

Than the average con can

With riot gear and weaponry

With steel toe boots to step on thee

The spawn of criminology

Enhanced by new technology

Rounding up the BlackSheep

Saith did the herder

Slaughter in the streets

Is now akin to man and murder

Helen-Keller-flash-bangs

Above the gun clatter

Tell me how DAFUQ yo gonna hear dat

Black Lives Matter

There is no denying this priority is higher

Historically it’s never whytelyves coming under fire

This land of opportunity

All built for one community

Instead of seeking unity

Shall punish with impunity

The reasons for our marching

Are their methods

And their madness

Honouring our Elders who fought hard

But never had this

Power of assembly and of gathering and speech

Black motherfuckers couldn’t bathe on Whitey’s beach

Now we making moves and moving mountains

Mobilizing

Raising fists around the world

To garnish globalizing

And sometimes in the same way

We all find truth fiction-wary Number 45 is

Rolling out the military

The military marches

The marching turns to mobbing

The mobbing needs a muting

But now it’s turned to robbing

The robbing got relentless

And led to all the looting

So Number 45

He simply said to Start the Shooting

Brandishing a bible

To allow his ill behaviour

Acting like a Judge

Jury Sentinel and Saviour

Encroaching with his evil

Up until eleventh hour

He ain’t the only one

Who must be

Parted from their power

Hands-On law

Fists on flex

Guns on draw

Knees on necks

Hands-On law

Fists on flex

Guns on draw

Knees on necks

When flattened To the floor

I’d ask My Brother Patrick Shand

But he ain’t here no more

We lost him 20 years ago

Exactly to this plight

And even though they snuffed him out

We all still see his light

Legislation Lacking

And we got to lift da lack out

Politicking Politricking plans

We gotta back out

Freedom fighters falling into floss and force da flack out

So join me when I say dat everyday goan be a

BLACKOUT

Inspired by the murder of George Floyd. Dedicated to the memory of My Friend, Patrick Shand. Wakefield Brewster

#BlackHistoryMonth2023

IT TAKES AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY TO END RACISM DISCRIMINATION

BULLYING HATRED PREJUDICE

…

(THERE IS A VERY LONG LIST OF THINGS WE NEED TO WORK ON… THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING)

These are societal problems, not just a you or me problem.

“

learn in school. If we want our children to be successful, we need to change how WE act, teach, behave, talk, treat people and most importantly we need to pay attention, listen and take accountability. Let’s start leading by example.”

Kids don’t just absorb what they

Beyond Pink Shirt Day

- Christina Henderson

Just a short refresher, Pink Shirt Day began in 2007. It was the creation of two high school students in Nova Scotia as a reaction to a new student in their school being bullied for wearing pink. These two students found the courage to act. They had no idea it would become a national day to stand up against bullying.

In the 17 years that I have been an educator (one more year than Pink Shirt Day has been around), I have organized and participated in many Pink Shirt Days. Schools across the country organize and participate in Pink Shirt Day annually. That’s fantastic!

I am a strong advocate for raising awareness about bullying in schools and collaborating to find solutions.

Pink Shirt Day has provided the opportunity to do that one day a year. So, what happens beyond Pink Shirt Day? How do we move from awareness to proactive action? How do we collaboratively find solutions for both the bullied and the bully?

It is long past good enough to tell a student to ignore the person that is inflicting verbal or physical harm on them. It is long past good enough to tell a student to just walk away. Finally, it is long past good enough for the bully to be accepted as just a bad kid.

Things That Need to be Considered:

1. Both the bullied and the bully are in pain (emotionally and potentially physically) and both need to be addressed with that in mind. That doesn’t condone a behavior, but it is something essential to be aware of when working together to create a solution.

2. Let's change the narrative from “what is wrong with you?” to “what happened to you”?

3. Bullying generally happens in settings where parents are not, on digital devices, in schools, on the playground at lunch/recess, at sports practice etc. Parents need to be a part of the conversation in a collaborative way.

4. Action steps are not one size fits all as each individual case has their own circumstances.

5. Action steps need to be consistent, attainable, and sustainable in each scenario.

6. Students of any age experiencing bullying need to know that their support team has their back. This team includes educators, parents and, of course, the students involved. This means creating safe and brave spaces for them to be actively listened to as they lean into vulnerability. This also means including the students in the solution to end the bullying, not just stop it for a day.

A lot has happened to our youth in recent years and their mental health concerns are at an all time high.

Should Pink Shirt Day go away? No. However, we need to work together to create proactive, sustainable action steps that positively support all parties involved and help us focus on the strong, not the wrong. We need to have a plan for moving beyond Pink Shirt Day.

"Yourstoryisaworkofart. Whenyoufocusonthe strengthswithinyourstoryyou areempoweredtomoveforward andflourish.Letmehelpyou discoverthepossibilities"

I AM HERE TO SUPPORT YOU peerspectiveconsulting@gmail.com.

You are not alone.

“

If we are going to advocate for mental health, then we MUST do so from all

Kathy James, Speaker, Trainer, Author & Mentor

It’s not easy for anyone at any age to speak up and admit, “I am being bullied.” It’s just not that simple and often, when asked, the individual may not always be honest out of fear or lack of hope.

- Kathy James, Speaker, Trainer, Author & Mentor

Sure, 30 years later it’s easy for me to say that each day for three years, I was subjected to harassment, outrageous nasty rumors, and threats from not only one of my peers, but many times six to eight other teens. I hid that I was being subjected to constant berating every day because I didn’t feel confident that speaking up would make much difference and honestly, my life at home wasn’t much better. I lacked a sense of hope and confidence in the adults around me.

Growing up, both of my parents were addicted to drugs and although I was being raised by my grandparents, the home was troubled with emotional, verbal, and physical violence and alcoholism.

With the violence and emotional abuse at home and the threats and fears I was experiencing from school; it didn’t take long for me to start to mirror the aggression.

-

“Behavior is the language of trauma…” Micere Keels

In the beginning, I had convinced myself that I was taking up for myself or for others around me, but the aggression and anger grew. Eventually, I started to harass, ridicule, and threaten girls and I became the very bully that I once loathed. I had little to no control over many aspects of my life at home and becoming someone that others feared made me feel in control and powerful.

I took my pain, anger, and fears out on anyone and everyone and it was becoming increasingly dangerous. The physical violence continued for many years, even after becoming a mother and a wife, but thankfully, with the help of some amazing supportive individuals, I was able to begin a new path to end the violent cycle and broke many other self-destructive habits along the way.

Over the years, I have asked myself, “What would have changed for my life as a teen or as a young adult if someone had taken notice that there was trouble at home or had intervened when my peers and I were being subjected to constant ridicule at school?

What would have changed in the weeks, months, and years to come, if instead of being labeled as a bad kid or a bully, the choice was made to extend support, empathy, and care to me and to my peers?

Would I have continued the destructive violent path that I eventually led for so many years? Could I have avoided more trauma and pain?

“We must do better at saying, “I see you.”

What if, someone had stopped to ask: “Why?”, “Are you okay?” “Did something happen?” Or just to say, “I care about you, and I am here to help.”?

If we are going to advocate for mental health, then we must do so from all angles. Bullying is an outward expression of what is going on inside and we need to ask why and then ask why twice over to determine the root cause.

We must do better at saying, “I see you.” and asking, “How can I help?”

We MUST commit to supporting ALL youth, those subjected to bullying as well as the “bully” by taking proactive measures to reduce ongoing trauma of all kinds, reducing the risk of the cycle continuing and victimization in the long term. The first step towards reducing the risk of bullying is to seek to understand the why, without labeling.

Common reasons why individuals bully:

• The desire to fit in.

• They are being bullied either at home or at school.

• Emotional or physical abuse.

• Doesn’t fully grasp the impact the behavior is having.

• Learned behavior.

• Stress or trauma.

• Low self-esteem.

Additionally, I think it is vital that we educate and arm ourselves with the resources that will help prepare us to extend support proactively and empathetically. Common warning signs to look for:

• Being irritable and/or aggressive.

• Trouble focusing on assignments.

• Problems sleeping/nightmares.

• Complain frequently of headaches, stomach aches, or other physical problems.

• Loss of interest in doing schoolwork, or suddenly begin to do poorly in school.

• Appear sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home.

• Experience a loss of appetite.

• Appears anxious, afraid, disconnected.

• Suffers from low self-esteem.

I believe that it is worth mentioning that these warning signs are the same for the youth being “bullied” as well as the youth being labeled as the “bully”. Individuals don’t just bully. We must do better at asking, “Why?”.

Helpful Crisis Resources:

• Canada:

o 24-Hour Crisis Call 1-833-456-4566 or text

o To connect with a mental health professional one-on-one:

▪ Call 1-888-668-6810 or text WELLNESS to 686868 for youth

▪ Call 1-866-585-0445 or text WELLNESS to 741741 for adults

• United States:

o Nationwide Crisis Text or Call 988

o GLBT National Youth Talk line 1-800-246-PRIDE

IT’S TIME TO CHANGE THE NARRATIVE!

Growing up as a kid, I accepted being bullied as a way of life. I did not have the resources to ask for help. Nor did my parents or I openly talk about it. The mentality I grew up with was to “suck it up” and carry on with life. I was constantly reminded that life challenges us and assumed being bullied was one of those challenges. I transformed myself to avoid being picked on; speaking and acting differently. I did not realize that, deep down, I was losing my sense of self-worth and outsourcing my need for validation. “If others accepted me, then I must be good enough” was the narrative I started using to define my life. Unfortunately, this narrative carried into my adult life and presented itself in almost all my relationships; I constantly sought validation from others at work, at home, or with friends.

“Growing up as a kid, I accepted being bullied as a way of life.”

- Furkhan Dandia

After going through hours of therapy, reading book after book, journaling, reflecting, meditating, and changing my thought patterns, I have finally started to see the damage I did to my well-being and sense of self through seeking validation from others. But I still fall into that rut of scarcity and “not being good enough,” which is okay because that is also a test. It’s easy to do all that work and shame ourselves for making mistakes. The shame spiral sucks us down like a vortex, and we fall out of alignment with ourselves. While working on identifying my negative thought patterns and healing the childhood narratives has been a continuous and arduous journey, the reminder to have compassion for myself for

reverting back to my old self is equally crucial. Because if we cannot speak with ourselves with kindness or compassion in those moments, we let the same voice take over, which is the voice we need to silence.

We need to start changing the narrative around bullying, feelings, talking openly and then maybe we will start to see a change.

The most powerful thing we can do for our kids, for all kids (and for adults) is making sure they know that there is someone who understands their pain and is willing to listen to them without judgment.

Seeking a School like Home?

Banbury Crossroads is the first self-directed private school in Calgary! Since 1979 we have offered full-day Junior-K to Grade 12.

Our goal is to foster student autonomy within a safe, relaxed environment of mutual respect. Our small (10:1) class sizes allow teachers to have quality time with their students, providing individualized academic instruction; teaching each child individually. This nurturing setting generates meaningful, trusting relationships that enhance learning. Students learn to communicate, negotiate, collaborate, and solve problems. These soft skills are helpful as they enter the wider community through field trips, volunteerism, and internships. Banbury Crossroads youth become intrinsically motivated and empowered to chart the course of their own education and, through their passionate engagement in learning, to contribute to the wider world.

IN THE COMMUNITY

MAKING AN IMPACT

From Concept to Reality

CN! has had the opportunity and honour to watch Tyler Melnyk, Founder of No Fixed Address take his idea and passion from concept to reality. As it grows, we want to share his journey with the community…

If you missed the first story we ran on No Fixed Address, please check read it here. Since we last saw Tyler in December a lot has changed. Tyler has acquired a pizza oven, which is now a soup trailer. He received his business license and secured a vendor space on 8th Avenue right by Olympic Plaza.

Q & A with Tyler Melnyk

How many times have you had to pivot?

Countless! From small to large. But the one thing that always remains is the heart of the idea.

What has been your biggest challenge so far?

Identifying my place in the ecosystem.

What is the most exciting part of creating a business?

Being in the driver’s seat. To put your mark on it – watch it grow – watch it come to life, that is the most exciting part.

Whats the next step?

Building up awareness in the community! I want to educate people about food insecurity, meet people, collaborate and build partners.

I would love to see this in every city!

What advice would you give to someone who is thinking of making their concept a reality?

Believe in the concept. It has worth and you have a story to tell. Be ready for some harsh feed back – you don’t see from the inside so allow advice to lead you. And don’t give up! Make the change!

To get involved, learn more, or book No Fixed Address for your next event email: info@nofixedaddress.ca.

This is community supporting community!

The Calgary Foundation brought together advisors, organizations, philanthropists, and the general community together to celebrate the legacy gift from Kerry Cooper Bowlen & John Bowlen who donated 50 million to the Calgary Foundation.

The Power of Philanthropy.

After an evening of connected and networking we had the opportunity to learn more about the Calgary Foundation's role in legacy giving. We heard about the impactful story of the legacy gift of Kerry Cooper Bowlen & John Bowlen and how their advisor, Bob Hagerman, and team supported them in establishing a philanthropic legacy at the Calgary Foundation. #ittakesacommunity

When we think about education we mostly think about school or training courses. As I was looking at all of the educational opportunities, I get to be a part of I realized the best education is learning from others, listening to their stories & hearing their advice. Peer Guidance, founder Jade Alberts and his team are always creating opportunities for people to learn, connect and hear advice.

This issue of Telling It Like It Is, is CN! Magazine’s education featured of the month, and we will be recapping some of our favorite advice from Telling It Like It Is.

This Issue of Telling It Like It Is was hi-jacked by

Krista Malden

My one piece of advice is to take advice. It sounds like a joke, but feed back and advice are very important. There are various people out there that have in depth experience and great ideas that can help you. I always look for mentors and seek advice whenever I am unsure of something. It has helped me a lot, as a firsttime entrepreneur, I don’t have much experience and I really needed the advice from various people, which is very easy to get in the community! People love to help.

Shelvie Fernan, CEO & Cofounder, Fly and Fetch Inc.

Every episode of Telling It Like It is, Jade asks: “If you had one piece of advice for a startup or entrepreneur, what would that be?”

“It is time that employers, teachers, parents, and students stop the rhetoric of starting your career “from the bottom.” It implies that those in entry level positions are in a hole that they must climb or scratch out of to earn any self-respect. We can change the message and instead we can change the message and instead we can emphasize the importance of learning the culture of work, to develop key employability or soft skills in tandem of the technical skill development. Entry level roles help one evaluate career decisions and choices with those working professionals in the sector they are most interested in. Ultimately, it is the value and willingness to start…from the “BEGINNING!”

of Careers

Peer Guidance: Top Business Consulting and Coaching Team

(31) Peer Guidance / Telling It like It Is - YouTube

“Put in the work and never give up.”

- Anthony Nagendraraj & Marissa Huggins, Spontivly

- Dan Olesen, Senior Program Director

“To Make sure you have a CLEAR vision of what you want and to learn to shut off your survival brain or fears and take action in the absence of knowing all the answers. We need to give power to the part of us that believes in ourselves and what we are doing and most definitely listen to your gut…it’s always right”.

– Jamie Sale; Olympic Gold Medalist, World Champion Figure Skater/ Motivational Speaker& Coach.

Up and Coming Events & Opportunities

“Allittakesisoneideato solveanimpossible problem.”

— Robert H. Schuller

Time is running out to get your application in for the Inventures 2023 international startup pitch competition, happening May 31-June 2 in Calgary. Don’t miss this golden opportunity to get in front of some heavyweight VCs and angel investors!

Pitch finalists receive free registration to the Inventures conference, access to professional coaching and on-site mentoring opportunities plus a chance to WIN $10,000 in funding! Startups will also receive tons of exposure to investors from around the globe.

Applications are open for startups focused on the following categories:

• The Metaverse

• Future of Work

• Ag/Food Tech

• Health Innovation

• Clean Tech

• Computing Infinity

It’s FREE to apply! The deadline is February 24 – don’t wait! Apply HERE

Do you have your tickets for INVENTURE$ 2023? Register today, for the Startup & Innovation event of the year. Register Here.

How many of us know the proper names of our reproductive parts?

"Reproductive freedom is critical to a whole range of issues. If we can’t take charge of this most personal aspect of our lives, we can’t take care of anything. It should not be seen as a privilege or as a benefit, but a fundamental human right." Faye

Wattleton

The Superpower Project Know Their Names

Changing how we view reproductive health.

Blaise Hunter | Reproductive Health Rights Activist

How many of us know the proper names of our reproductive parts? I hate to admit it, but I knew a vulva was part of my anatomy, but I never actually understood where it was on my body. I’m a little embarrassed that at forty-one, I had to google it. This opened my eyes to something else. I wasn’t the only one. According to research by Bodyform, 73 percent of people don’t fully know what a vulva is. Cookie, hoo-haw, foof, vajajay–we use endless slang terms to reference genitalia, and yet it seems a lot of us are confused about what’s actually going on down there. People just use “vagina” as the blanket word for reproductive organs and most of us are unaware of the terms for our genitals. If freedom is associated with empowerment and we only get power through knowledge, then I must conclude since we don’t know the basic parts of ourselves, we are anything but free.

The Superpower Project is about highlighting various challenges or “kryptonites” facing people and helping us neutralize their effect on us. A deadly kyrptonite facing us these days is we have enslaved the proper terminology of our anatomy and denied our own basic human rights of knowledge. There is a stigma with referencing our genitalia. It’s become taboo, dirty, silly, and shameful. This isn’t about sex; it’s about freedom and empowerment. Education leads to awareness and understanding creates an empowered society. This is the fundamental basis to establish freedom. So why in 2023 are we still chained to shame and ignorance regarding our own reproductive organs and health?

Last year, I was selected to represent Canada at an International Human Rights Summit in Istanbul, Turkey to speak about my award-winning non-profit agency, Footprints: Infertility & Pregnancy Loss Support Initiative and my work championing reproductive health. I am on a mission to break the silence barriers on the trauma parents go through when having to miscarry at home and dispose of their dead baby.

I want to bring awareness and peak curiosity with empathy and compassion to make positive change. I wish for people to understand how their body operates so they can have autonomy and use their voice. When we are wellinformed, we can make wise decisions. With candidness and sincerity, I wish to create pathways for people to enter a shared reality with others, so people join my efforts in promoting human dignity and our sexual health sovereignty.

I specialize in reproductive health advocacy because of experiencing the violations and captivity within our society. After birthing one daughter and enduring three traumatic miscarriages, I still had no understanding of how my body functions or what makes up my anatomy. I intrinsically knew I wasn’t being treated with dignity or respect, but I needed to be informed before I could advocate for myself. Through the death of my three babies, I began leading the charge when it comes to impactful, inclusive, and inspiring action with reproductive health. In current times, there are limited conversations, information, or resources that bring awareness to this vital topic. In 2022, I became a certified human rights leader specializing in advocating for reproductive health initiatives.

There are many branches regarding reproductive health but let’s start from the beginning. I think we all could do with a little biology refresher. Let’s know their names:

• The Vulva is all the external organs you can see outside the body, and the Vagina is the internal.

Everyone has parts and we all deserve education on our rights, respect, and body responsibility. We can be a society that fosters responsibility by respecting our rights to honest sexual health education. This all stems from changing our ways and becoming informed. Change is inevitable but we must be open and willing to change, or we hurt our present and future. It is paramount for individuals to embrace learning about their bodies and altering the view on how to talk about it. We must fracture the walls of shame and embarrassment. Normalizing their names and these conversations helps us progress humanity.

I want to empower myself and transform the narrative of this world, of our homes, our lives, and our culture. I understand the value of questions, education, and deepening of knowledge.

When we can champion ourselves and our bodies, we inspire the world in phenomenal ways. I draw from an urgency to make an impact, disrupt, evolve, organize, connect, and advance to influence humankind. I am 1 in 4 times three. But instead of remaining a silent stat, I decided to speak up and learn. Most people don’t know what reproductive health is. Most of us don’t even know much about our own bodies and therefore cannot advocate for humane treatment or bodily autonomy. Change began the moment I switched my approach. Instead of bashfully going along with the status quo, I became the disturbance in the stratosphere.

Embracing change shatters the veil of silence, fear, awkwardness, guilt, isolation, and inadequacy. All it takes is a valiant voice and a powerful conversation can be sparked. People from all over the world are acknowledging they want more dialogue. They want more education. The want more power over their own lives. We cannot change what we don’t dare speak of and we cannot be empowered without wisdom. Let’s ignite a curious culture and adopt a fresh outlook on our reproductive health.

I will continue to speak up and be steadfast about change. I issue a call to arms for people to stand with me and begin the learning process. Don’t hide in the oblivion. Don’t use ridiculous euphemisms or jargon to describe your body.

Revolutionize your health with brave queries. When we ask, we discover new things. When we gather intel, we become wise. This shapes an empowered world. Change is the key to progression and our liberty. By taking the step to Know Their Names we transform our lives and become free. Knowledge is our superpower. For more information on innovative reproductive health initiatives visit www.blaisehunter.com.

Change is about learning and growth

Let’s CHANGE the narrative around Men’s Mental Health.

Putting it on the Table: Why Men Need

to have Real Conversations

In a time where men everywhere are struggling to find an identity and in a constant state of confusion, the answer to this state is right in front of us at our disposal. While we are constantly being inundated with information and ideologies around how men need to behave, how to act and what to say from all directions, what is needed is leadership and brotherhood.

“Whatever good things we build end up building us.”

- Jim Rohn

- Furkhan Dandia

The problem is that so many men have become attached to the idea of what they do with their lives rather than who they can be. This pursuit of an ideal set by someone else creates the chase of something that is often unattainable. Besides, there is no meaning in pursuing a goal you do not set for yourself. Additionally, from a neurological perspective, our body releases dopamine when we pursue something, not when we achieve it. Therefore, the focus must shift to the present moment and find meaning in every interaction, every action, every choice, and every word we speak.

Because our perspectives are limited, we also have blind spots. Often, we need people around us who can hold us accountable. The challenge is that men have lost a sense of connection and vulnerability. Most male relationships are based around sports, women and work. The typical “locker

room” talk that people ascribe to masculinity no longer serves men. As men evolve, so do their needs for comradery and the ability to speak openly about everyday challenges we all encounter. Our ancestral men travelled in tribes and connected; they sat around fires and shared stories and experiences. These men learned from each other and pushed each other to become better. They held space for each other and had their backs.

Men need and crave a connection outside their romantic relationships, work lives and everyday responsibilities. What is missing is a safe space to be vulnerable and speak openly, not out hustling, out competing or one-upping each other. The competitiveness and hustle can be left on the court or in the office, which is crucial if exercised healthily.

However, outside of that, we all want a place to go where we belong and can take our masks off and just be us. That does not happen without vulnerability. In my experience, I believe in the power of one; it takes one person to be vulnerable and takes the pressure off of everyone. But most men constantly wait for someone else to take that first step and often wait forever. Hence, leadership and brotherhood are the antidotes to this persisting issue.

The next challenge is finding a group of like-minded men or where one starts. The amazing thing is that many men have taken it upon themselves to create their initiatives and gatherings to get together and have the difficult conversations we must have. Sometimes it requires taking the initiative to ask around or do research. Sometimes, the initiative requires building or starting something from the ground up. It can look like whatever one wants it to be as long it serves individuals.

In my case, I was feeling lonely and isolated at times during Covid-19 amidst the various lockdowns. Being the social creatures we are, I found it extremely difficult to be cut off from friends, sports, family, and co-workers. Fortunately, I connected with other men on social media and started attending men’s groups remotely with these men across the globe. While we were from different parts of the world, we all shared the need for connection and found safety. I gained tremendous value from these group sessions and realized their benefit. I also felt that these groups in person would feel even more powerful for me.

A couple of months later, I was introduced to someone who has become a very good friend. We connected and started chatting about starting a men’s group locally in Calgary. After spending a few months researching and sorting out all

the details, we started the group and asked some friends to join. Over time, many men have joined through word of mouth. In the past 14 months of being part of this group, I have gained more than I thought I would. We have shared laughs and some tough conversations while holding space for each other. Many of us have shared things we would not openly discuss or even share with our close ones. At our table, we have experienced vulnerability that has only strengthened us.

Despite us coming from different backgrounds, walks of life and childhood experiences, we all share something in common that unites us. We can take something home from each session. I personally value the opportunity to be held accountable and am often reminded to be kinder to myself. I often leave these

sessions with many things to think about, reflect upon, or think deeper about something. The table is a great place to test out my thoughts and ideas, be given honest feedback and not feel judged. Often, many of us struggle with the same questions and challenges; all it takes is one person putting it on the table. That is why these spaces are so crucial; they not only offer men an opportunity to find a sense of connection and community but also learn, grow and evolve. These spaces allow men to have conversations they often cannot have with their partners, colleagues, family members or even friends. By putting whatever is on the table, we can take more back. The table is where we take our masks off and step outside what we do for work, where we come from, and our labels. At the table, we are all equal, and we are all present.

The real conversations show our human side amidst all the noise, busyness, and deadlines this world offers us. We all need a tribe where we feel like we belong. Where we can go and take our armour off and just be. These conversations are often more powerful than we think, and they allow our true selves to come out.

Sometimes we lose sight of how deep we bury those parts of ourselves. So, I encourage everyone to find their table where they can have real conversations. If you cannot find one or don’t like what you see, start your own table, and see what happens. Like Jim Rohn said: “Whatever good things we build end up building us.”