Costa Link Magazine April 2012 by Costalink Magazine

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I hear they have forecast snow this month throughout the Costa del Sol…………got you, April fool!!!!! It’s a busy one this month, Easter has arrived or Semana Santa as they call it here, make sure you are well stocked up as the shops will be closed for much of this time. It always feels like summer is on its way at Easter time and now that the clocks have gone forward, and the evenings are starting to get longer, it’s time to start thinking of the outdoor living again. We have the Grand National and the FA Cup semi finals to look forward to this month. With the success of the competitions we have run over the last three months, we are delighted to have teamed up with India Lucia this month and are offering two lucky readers a meal at this new and beautiful Indian restaurant in Torrenueva, see the details on page 9. How many hairdryers did you spot last month? If you said eight you were correct. And don’t forget to like us on facebook www.facebook.com/costa.link.spain Enjoy your Easter eggs and remember – if the chocolate is melting, you are not eating it fast enough!

Happy Easter!

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A W o m a nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; s W o r l d Warning - Women's Body Parts Stolen Please find below a warning letter from Ms Peggy Legg -This is an explanation to those friends and family who have experienced mysterious switches of their body parts. You may have read of the scare story about the man whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban myth, my story is true - it occurs to me practically every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in my Magic Secret Support Tights. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My bottom was next. I know it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear end complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was doing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to reap, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next? My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Christmas turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement part, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face ' lifted' , look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs...and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS women's body parts move. Yours alarmed, Peggy Legg

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HOT GOSS!

I haven't had time for a holiday with David for three years, says Posh.....

With a joint fortune of £165million, David and Victoria Beckham can clearly afford a holiday. But according to Mrs Beckham, she has not managed to have a break with her husband for the past three years. Three young sons, a baby girl and a fashion brand beloved by the A list would appear to have left her with her hands too full even to go shopping very often. Looking gaunt, 37-year-old Victoria said she had been left exhausted by eight-month-old daughter Harper’s sleepless nights. And David, 36, said it had been years since the couple had watched anything other than children’s movies.However, their comments, to American Vogue, would seem to be slightly far-fetched as the family have, in fact, managed to get some respite over the past few years. They are frequently pictured on the beach in the exclusive Californian resort of Malibu. And in December 2010 they were pictured on holiday in northern California with close friend Gordon Ramsay and his family. In June of that year they enjoyed a holiday in St Tropez, while in spring 2009 they relaxed at George Clooney’s Italian villa on Lake Como. Giving a picture of a rather domesticated life in Los Angeles, where former England football captain David plays, the couple told how they cuddle up in bed ‘like little peas in a pod’ with sons Brooklyn, 13, Romeo, nine, and Cruz, seven, as well as Harper. Ahhhhhh bless! ‘But only on a non-school night,’ said Mrs Beckham, and not ‘when Mummy’s had a glass of wine’, added her husband. He said that to relax they visit California’s Napa Valley, where they are part-owners of a vineyard, ‘once every couple of months’. The Beckhams produce 900 bottles a year which, Victoria said, they ‘gift to friends and family’.And although their Hollywood friends include Demi Moore, Penélope Cruz and Eva Longoria, Mrs Beckham insisted her best friend was her hairdresser. With her family and fashion work leaving little time to go shopping, she buys most things over the internet. ‘It doesn’t stop,’ she said. ‘There’s a lot to get done in not a lot of time. It’s quite intense.’

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HOT GOSS!

JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS.....

Of all the trends we’d predicted for S/S 2012, we really weren’t expecting one of them to be sports kit and hockeysticks. But that's all changed after Kate Middleton - who played hockey at the University of St Andrews - took up the game again. Last week, she visited the Olympic Park in Stratford to have a knock about with the British women's' hockey team. Wowing in a pair of Pink jeans and a hoody, she looked elegant yet relaxed at the same time. Oh Kate, you lovely thing. Even though hockey season’s almost over, the 'Kate effect' has immediately taken hold, and Littlewoods.com has seen a surge in hockey equipment sales. Hockey stick sales have increased 238%, shin guard sales have gone up 114% and hockey bag sales have gone up 89%.

ROYAL CARRIAGE RIDE.....

In other Kate-related news, it has just been confirmed that her and Prince William are to join Queen Elizabeth on a carriage ride, in a repeat of the route that they took after their wedding last year. The couple is to take part in the Diamond Jubilee procession on June 5th, and will also be joined by Prince Phillip, the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall and, of course, Prince Harry. Just like the royal wedding, the royal family will congregate on the balcony of Buckingham Palace to watch an RAF flypast. They’ll also wave that silly wave that they do to all of the crowds. Afterwards, they’ll go to an exclusive lunch for 700 special guests, selected from indutries and liveries across the country, and then the King’s Troop Royal Horse Artillery will fire a 60-gun salute. Yeah, like any other anniversary celebrations, really. Pretty low-key, no frills...

Are you looking forward to the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations?

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HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARK ATTACK... 1: Don't swim in the ocean. Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty. 2: Listen out for the music. In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvellous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect. 3: Swim with fat people. Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds. 4: Don't go into the water without a knife. This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the "decoy" is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freekin life. 5: Don't panic. In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.

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1) Which Britt was married to Peter Sellers? 2) Which author wrote the book ‘Clockwork Orange’? 3) Who wrote the song ‘Money for Nothing’? 4) Which 2 US cities are associated with famous marathon races? 5) Who wrote ‘My Family and Other Animals’? 6) What was the name of Audrey Hepburn’s cat in the film ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’? 7) Which manufacturer produced the first production line car? 8) Which is the official language of Bulgaria? 9) Which sport is Felipe Massa associated with? 10) Who did Barack Obama beat when he stood for president? 11) Kiki Dee’s biggest UK hit in 1976 was a duet with whom? 12) Who played the lead role in ‘Gone With The Wind’ and ‘It Happened One Night’? 13) Which pink animals sleep on one leg? 14) In the bible, what were Cherubim and Seraphim? 15) ‘Black’, ‘Hooper’ and ‘Bewick’ are all types of ? 16) The song ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ comes from which musical?

TRIVIA QUIZ

17) How many faces does a dodecahedron have? 18) Who won last years Tour De France cycle race? 19) Which is the largest state in the US? 20) Gary Coleman stood against Arnold Schwarzenegger for Governor of California, but which US sitcom did he star in during the early 1980’s? 21) In what year did Neil Armstrong land on the moon? 22) Who was made England’s youngest football manager in 1996? 23) In TV, what do the initials ‘OB’ stand for? 24) In the 1992 film ‘The Bodyguard’, which actress did Kevin Costner protect? 25) Name either song to have reached number one in the UK that contains the word ‘Fandango’ in the lyrics? 26) Which current car manufacturers name means ‘I roll’ in Latin? 27) Matt Groening is responsible for creating which cartoon family? 28) Who is Wallace’s faithful companion in the Nick Park animation series? 29) What is the capital of Zimbabwe? 30) Which celebrity mum to be was caught up in a smoking scandal last month? Answers on page 92

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The other day I went to a local Christian bookstore and

saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling HONK particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer s u s meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. e j if you I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in

thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus.Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

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5 Most Annoying

Don’t get us wrong, we love Facebook, but there’s some status updates and online interaction with friends that really wind us up. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, avoid these callous Facebook traits or risk being de-friended.

Facebook Habits

The gushing couple Not content with being in a happy and stable relationship, this couple feel the need to rub our noses in it on a daily basis by posting gag making status updates like: “I woke up next to the most beautiful woman in the world this morning. My wife. I am the luckiest man alive.” Seeing as he woke up next to her, couldn’t he have just told her that himself without making the rest of us feel queasy? Worse still, she responds with “David darling, I’m the lucky one. You’re amazing.” And so on ad nauseum. De-friend. ]

The bitter venter “That’s it, I’m giving up on women, they’re all crazy.” “All men are liars. Prove me wrong.” Okay so it sounds like they’re not having much luck on the dating and relationships front at the moment, but venting about it on Facebook isn’t going to help their cause much. There’s just no excuse for bad mouthing an entire gender. Besides, have they not realised they’ve just alienated around half of their friends? Continued on page 22...

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5 Most Annoying

Baby bore Pregnancy and parenting is an amazing and wonderous journey apparently, but we’re really not sure what we supposed to say when someone posts a photo of their 12 week old foetus in utero. It just looks like some fuzzy white blobs on a black background to us. Worse still, we’re already bracing ourselves for what’s to come. Endless photos of baby’s first everything. Yawn. And crowing posts about how motherhood is the best job in the world without a thought for any friends who may have not have met the right person yet, are having trouble conceiving or who just aren’t into babies. Thanks but no thanks.

Facebook Habits Con’t

Bridezilla “3 sleeps until the big day.” “Spa day for me and the bridesmaids – woo hooo!” “Excited about dress fitting tonight!!” “Honeymoon in the Carribean or Greece? Any advice?” Hey, is someone getting married then? We’d never have guessed. We hope you have a lovely day and everything but spare a thought for those of us who are single and stop flaunting the upcoming nuptials in our news feed please.

The bragger “Cocktails on the beach tonight with my hot new Brazillian boyfriend. I knew this gap year was a good idea!” Thanks very much. While we’re slaving over a hot computer with the heating turned up to max, they’re off living it up somewhere hot and sandy with the beautiful people. Call us petty, but we don’t wanna hear about it unless we’re invited. It just serves to highlight everything that’s wrong with our own lives.

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Things that make you feel like a man.... • NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line". • USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb. • KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms. • NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings. • CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad. • TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, Leroy Merlin would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles. • PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya." • PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. •HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah. • KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?" •TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

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for kids...

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. • If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. Parents always catch the second person. • Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato. • You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. • Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. • You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. • When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. • Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. • Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. • Don't ever be too full for dessert. • When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. • Never tell your mum her diet's not working. • Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a any kind of bat (cricket, rounders etc). • When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mum when she's on the phone. • Never spit when on a roller coaster. • Never play practical jokes when in the vicinity of a police station. • Never tell your little brother or sister that you're not going to do what your mum told you to do. • Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. • Stay away from prunes. • Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. • Forget the cake, go for the icing. • When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

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One Big Happy Family... Choosing the right dog to expand your canine family should bring more pleasure than conflict to your household. Most dogs are sociable & adaptable, tolerant of other dogs sharing their lives & living space than many owners imagine. Why dogs fall out: Here are some of the most reasons why fellow resident dogs fall out: • Competition over food/treats • Competition over toys/beds • Rivalry over status - who greets their owner first , who goes through the door first • Sexual Competition - a bitch on heat can cause tension among bitches as well as male dogs • Deflected aggression - when dogs become extremely stressed /aroused/excited & then turn resulting in aggression on each other . • Inadequate pack leadership Better understanding, management and where possible avoidance of such flashpoints makes inter-dog conflict far less likely. Tricky beginnings: Early days are often the toughest when a new dog joins the household. Many owners panic when a new puppy arrives & an existing dog snaps or growls at him. Because your older dog has both the age & territorial advantage, he must be allowed to correct the new puppy/dog for showing him bad manners or insufficient respect otherwise the new dog will not learn respectful behaviour towards him. Something that you can do is feed your dogs in order of age or in order of who came into the household first. Persevere, it will be worth it as two can certainly better than one, it is something we have always believed. For advice for training or behaviour please do not hesitate to contact us via the website

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very powerful ool Hypnosis is a ver y po werful ttool that you ccan an use tto o change your ůůŝĨĞ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ďĞƩĞƌ͘ ŝĨĞ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ďĞƩĞƌ͘ something Do you feel feel there iiss some thing Ă īĞĐƟŶŐ ǇŽƵƌ ĚĂŝůǇ ůŝĨĞ͍ ĂīĞĐƟŶŐ ǇŽƵƌ ĚĂŝůǇ ůŝĨĞ͍

H YP Y P NOT TH H E R APY HYPNOTHERAPY PN HE ER RA

C COSTA D L S TA EL CO OS ST TA TA A DEL DE EL E L SOL SO OL OL L TTreatment reatment ffor or w eight lloss oss weight ;;ŐĂƐƚƌŝĐ ďĂŶĚ ŚǇƉŶŽƐŝƐͿ͕ ŐĂƐƚƌŝĐ ďĂŶĚ ŚǇƉŶŽƐŝƐͿ͕ Ă ĚĚŝĐƟŽŶƐ͕ ĂŶǆŝĞƚǇ͕ ƉŚŽďŝĂƐ͕ ƐƚƌĞƐƐ͕ ĂĚĚŝĐƟŽŶƐ͕ ĂŶǆŝĞƚǇ͕ ƉŚŽďŝĂƐ͕ ƐƚƌĞƐƐ͕ ƐƐĞǆƵĂů ƉƌŽďůĞŵƐ͕ ƌĞůĂƟŽŶƐŚŝƉƐ͕ ĞǆƵĂů ƉƌŽďůĞŵƐ͕ ƌĞůĂƟŽŶƐŚŝƉƐ͕ ď ĞĚͲǁĞƫŶŐ ŝŶ ĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͕ ďĞĚͲǁĞƫŶŐ ŝŶ ĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͕ Ɖ ŽƐƚͲŶĂƚĂů ĚĞƉƌĞƐƐŝŽŶ ƉŽƐƚͲŶĂƚĂů ĚĞƉƌĞƐƐŝŽŶ Ă ŶĚ ŵĂŶǇ ŵŽƌĞ͘͘͘ ĂŶĚ ŵĂŶǇ ŵŽƌĞ͘͘͘ BOOK Y OUR FREE YOUR APPOINTMENT TTODAY ODAY

Contact Contact me today today for for details: details: Neil Paterson Paterson BA. BA. Dhp. Hypno-Band Weight Loss System TTel: el: 952 199 298 info@hypnotherapycostadelsol.com in fo@hypnotherapycostadelsol.com www.hypnotherapycostadelsol.com www.hypnother ypnotherap apycostadelsol.com Licensed Practitioner

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Medical Tips

Common Myths About Varicose Veins... Anyone who has varicose veins can tell you what they are, horrible looking gnarled, swollen blue veins, appearing on your legs. Many people who are unfortunate enough to suffer from varicose veins become very self-conscious about their legs and will often try to keep them covered up as much as possible, which down here on the sunny Costa del Sol can make life a bit uncomfortable, especially in the summer time. There are many old tales of Varicose Veins, what causes them and how they can or cannot be treated. Here are the answers to some of the most common myths about Varicose Veins. 1. They are hereditary. True. Unfortunately, if your parents had varicose veins, then your chances of developing them are higher. 2. Standing or sitting for long periods brings them on. Those people with jobs where they are standing or sitting for extended periods of time can find they are more prone to develop varicose veins to those with a more varied work pattern. If you have to stand for a long period of time, try shifting your weight from one foot to another every few minutes. For those who work sitting down, try and get up and move around every 30 minutes. 3. Having hot showers or baths makes them worse. How many of us have heard this one? Heat does dilate blood vessels so if you do take hot showers, then the veins can appear worse after. Trying cool, quick showers will reduce the appearance of them. 4. They are not life threatening and can be left untreated. Whilst the majority of varicose veins are deemed as â&#x20AC;&#x153;esthetically unappealingâ&#x20AC;? and may not cause any problems, there are occasions where patients can find that their legs are aching, painful to touch, or red/swollen. In extreme cases, patients may have a Deep Vein Thrombosis. Getting your veins checked out is often a good idea for peace of mind. 5. Treatment is painful and drawn out process. Definitely not. With medical advances, treatment of varicose veins is much simpler, quicker and painless than people think. Most varicose veins can be treated as a walk in â&#x20AC;&#x201C; walk out procedure with patients getting back to their everyday life there and then. Your doctor will discuss the options with you. 6. You must walk a min of 30 minutes per day for months after treatment for it to work. As mentioned before, the treatment of varicose veins using modern methods means that you can get back to your everyday life immediately after the surgery. Having an active lifestyle is highly recommended for not only veins treatment but also your general health. 7. Only women get varicose veins. Whilst women are more prone to varicose veins, they can occur in men as well. 8. Taking birth control tablets affects Varicose Veins. Yes, takingbirth control pills and other medicines containingestrogen and progesteronealso may contribute to the forming of varicoseveins. 9. Treatment of varicose veins is pointless as they will just come back. The success rate of modern treatment techniques for Varicose Veins means that the chance of recurrence is reduced. Your doctor will advise you on some methods to help to reduce this chance further. 10. Pregnancy causes varicose veins. During pregnancy, there is a large increase in the amount of blood in the body which can cause the veins to enlarge. The growing uterus also puts pressure on the veins. Most women find that varicose veins will improve in the months after birth. Dr Deardon and the British Surgical Clinic are a Preferred Partner of Medilink. For more Information on Dr Deardon or any of our other preferred partners please call Medilink on 952 93 38 76

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:48 PM Page 35

Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

…solving the puzzle of healthcar e in healthcare Spain! Tel: T el: (0034) 952 93 38 76 Email: medilinkspain@gmail.com only you'll ever medilink the onl y tel no y ou'll e ver need

SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution

The Xanit is now covered by Sanitas The Hospiten Estepona is now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.healthinsurance-spain.com info@healthinsurance-spain.com

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:48 PM Page 36

10 New Words... 10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n.

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.

To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n.

The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n.

The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug. Continued on page 38...

10% OFF W WITH ITH TH THIS IS AD ADVERT VE RT Thee CCosta’s Th o s t a’s main m a i n stockist s t o c k i s t of of 100’s 100’s of o f ready re ad y made m ade curtains c u rt a i n s and a n d poles. p o le s . Made M ade ttoo me measure a s u re blinds, bl i n d s, ffrom rom vvertical, e rt ic a l , rroman, om a n, venetians, ve ne t i a n s, roller, ro l le r, ssliding l idi n g ppanels a ne l s and a n d the t h e new ne w pperfect e r f e c t ffit i t bblind li nd made m ade ffor o r tilted t i l te d windows. w i n do ws .

WE NOW SE SELL LL BEDS, M MATTRESSES ATT R ES SES AND M MEMORY EMORY EMOR Y FO FOAM AM TOP TOPPERS P E RS ESTEPONA ESTEPONA

N-340 N-340 Sabinillas S a bi n i l l as

GIBRALTAR G I BR AL ALTTAR

ITZABAR ITZ IT ZABAR

W Wee aalso lso sstock: to ck : DDuvets u ve t s DDuvet u ve t CCovers o ve rs PPillows i l l o ws TTowels o we l s & CCushions ushio n s

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:48 PM Page 38

10 New Words... 6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.

t â&#x20AC;&#x2122; n co

Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n.

The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.

The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n.

The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.

The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

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Do you think you have a quick tongue? What’s your fastest, funniest answer to a sticky situation? Here are some funny one’s… A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." Q: Changing a flat tire? A: No, I just believe in rotating the tires every day out here in the middle of nowhere. A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead." The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket. Continued on page 44...

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Continued from page 42... A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-@rse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s3xual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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COSTA C OSTA LINK M

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Guide.....

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RESTAURANTReview... Tipi Tapa, Fuengirola I had seen the advert for Tipi Tapa and noticed that they say they that they have the best tapas on the Costa del Sol, This being a huge claim, I wanted to see if they lived up to it, so my husband and I went along and we were really impressed! When we arrived, the restaurant was busy and we were immediately drawn to the large display of tapas available, it all looked so appetising, the restaurant was clean and we know we had made the right choice going there. We didn’t know where to start, the choice on the menu was vast, we chose the chicken croquettes, and were surprised how much we had for a small portion and they were gorgeous, we also had the patatas bravas, a massive portion of potatoes with a separate jug full of sauce, We thought we would try the Bomb, which was fantastic - the best way of describing it would be a deep fried potato ball stuffed with mincemeat, neither of us had had anything like it before and we thoroughly enjoyed it, the Calamari arrived and it was a huge amount and was perfect, so often you find calamari to be stringy or rubbery – this was certainly not the case here!!! The mushrooms were large oyster mushrooms grilled with loads of garlic and were amazing. The lamb skewers were quite incredible – I think I could have eaten them all day long, if you go there – make sure you have them!! The portions were all massive and it represented really good value, we came away from the restaurant feeling really full and knowing that it wouldn’t be long before we went back.

Kate and Paul, Las Lagunas You can find Tipi Tapa in Calle Malaga Nr 4, Fuengirola, 951 311 630

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant

Call: 663 061 669

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Cocktail Recipe Lime, Raspberry & Vodka Cocktails

INDIA IIN NDI ND N DIA D DI IA LUCIA LUC LU UC U CIA CI C IA IIndian ndiian C nd Cuisine uiiisiine iin n An Andalucia nd daalluciia

Keep entertaining cool and creative with these vodka cocktails - the perfect party drink

Ingredients:

Good Quality Quality, y, Great at Value Value Calle Jerez Urb. T Torrenueva Torrenue or orrenue va

Tel: T el: 951 40 76 95 Mama Nostra

150ml vodka 60ml lime juice 1l lemonade 12 lime slices 12 raspberries

Method

Place a couple of handfuls of ice in a large mixing jug, add the vodka, lime juice and lemonade and stir well. Fill 6 highball glasses with ice, lime slices and fresh raspberries. Pour the cocktail over and serve.

Per Serving Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

96 kcalories, protein 0.2g, carbohydrate 10.3g, fat 0.1 g, saturated fat 0g, fibre 0.3g, salt 0.03 g

Golden Sun

Harrys Sports Bar

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only â&#x201A;Ź6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TVâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

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Frosted white chocolate Easter cake Serves 10

Preparation 10 mins Cook time 1 hour

Ingredients:

250g butter , plus a little extra for greasing 140g white chocolate , broken into pieces 250ml milk 1 tsp vanilla extract 250g self-raising flour Âź tsp bicarbonate of soda 300g caster sugar 2 large eggs, lightly beaten For the topping 300g tub Philadelphia cheese 85g butter, softened 100g icing sugar , sifted mini eggs, to decorate (or use 50g/2oz chopped hazelnuts)

Method:

1) Heat oven to 160C/fan 140C/gas 3. Grease a deep 23cm cake tin and line the base with greaseproof paper. Place the butter, white chocolate, milk and vanilla extract in a small saucepan, then heat gently, stirring, until melted. Combine the flour, bicarb and sugar in a large bowl with a pinch of salt, then stir in the melted ingredients and eggs until smooth. Pour the batter into the tin, then bake for 1 hr, or until the cake is golden and a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Cool in the tin. Once cool, the cake can be wrapped in cling film and foil, then frozen for up to 1 month. 2) To make the frosting, beat together the Philadelphia, butter and icing sugar until smooth. Spread over the cake, then decorate with mini eggs.

666 089 427

private buyer

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Friday April 6th: ARCH Easter Kids Party at the stables behind Miralmonte in Alhaurin el Grande. 10am-12pm. Pony Rides, Easter Egg Hunt and for 50c you can enter your own painted egg plus more fun and games €5 per child. Friday April 6th: Grace Ellington sings Jazz & Blues – The Retro, La Cala: 952 49 47 47 Friday April 6th - Sunday 8th: TAPAS presents Rumours’, Neil Simon's hilarious farce which concerns the efforts of eight dinner party guests to spare their host – and themselves – from scandal. Los Arcos, Ctra Coin-Cartama. Evening performances. Tel: 635 293 714 Sunday April 8th: 6 till 8PM Dirty Little Secrets – The Retro, La Cala: 952 49 47 47 Sunday April 8th: Kidz Inland, a group which organizes events for kids living inland, will hold an Easter Fun Day from 12.30-4.30pm at Llanos de Purla in Ojen. Games, nature trail and a visit from the Giant Easter bunny. Find them on facebook or call 607680881 for info. Sunday April 15th: 6 till 8PM Chas Burnett 60/70's RETRO Night –The Retro, La Cala: 952 49 47 47 Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable for ages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. To enquire about places contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: Every 2nd Tuesday is Jill’s Craft Club at the Bistro, Sierra Gorda, Coin from 10.30am. Learn how to make all sorts of crafts. Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. The group meets at various venues inland and it’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery, Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Mums and Tots group in Coin will meet every Wednesday 9.30am-11.30am at Educanima Ball Park (opposite Mercadona). Play facilities for the kids and cafe for the parents. All welcome from any area and €1.50 per hour with monitors. Make friends whilst the kids play safely. Every Thursday: The Ladies that Lunch group meets every second Thursday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. The group meets at various venues inland and it’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Thursday: Pilates Stroller workout class on the Torreguadiaro Beachfront at 11am. This is a post natal workout for Mums along with their little ones in their stroller, walking exercises and Pilates pitstops. www.pilatesparati.es Every Saturday: Costa All Stars Cheerleader classes now running Coin at Aqua Gym in La Trocha. All ages in one class from 10.30am-12pm. Call Vanessa on 677 493 280 to reserve a place and info. Every Saturday: The Wildside Forest School for Kids held every Saturday. 10am-12pm for aged 4-7 years and 1-3pm for 7-10 year olds. Two hour classes for children in nature. Tree rubbings, building a camp, safety, insects etc. See www.wildsidesurvivaleurope.com for info. Every Saturday and/or Sunday: The Interactive Museum of Music in Malaga (MIMMA) holds MUSICAL LEARNING ACTIVITIES for kids every weekend. These include theatre, workshops, story telling and more. Saturday, Sunday and holidays at 12 noon. Just €3 entry which includes the activity and guided tour of the museum. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: Traditional Sunday lunch at Santiago del Calvario, Alhaurin, Roast beef, Lamb Pork, or chicken with fish and Vegetarian options available. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112. Every Last Sunday of the Month: The Picasso Museum has free admission on this day so a great day to visit the 3,500 plus pieces of art. Open from 10am until 8pm in the weekend and 9pm weekends. Guided tours in English on Wednesdays at 11.30am. Tel: 952 602 731.

What’s On

Guide

Sponsored by SPAIN

WWW.ROUNDABOUTSPAIN.COM

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HA,HA,HE,HE... The Portrait: Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know, and I don't own any of those things either," said Mrs. Johnson. "but my health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the b***h to go nuts looking for the jewelry." Cash for sex! Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a ÂŁ100 quid if you let me have sex with you..." but the girl said "NO." Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for ÂŁ200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.. She said "The b*****d used pound coins!"

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THE BLONDE & THE BUNNY... A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swer ves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awfulthat he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong." I feel terrible," ! he explains," I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up waves its paw at the t wo of them and hops off down the road.Ten feet away the rabbit stops,turns around and waves again,he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands," What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label It says.. "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

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APRIL FOOL

Here are some great April Fools pranks for you to try out on your friends, family and co-workers...

At Home - Early Bird: Set the victim’s alarm clock for the middle of the night and

hide it somewhere in the room where they will have to get up and scramble around to turn it off. This works even better if you sneak in after they go to sleep and unscrew the light bulb in their lamp. Then they’ll have to search for the clock in the dark!

Unexpected: Take all the cereal in the house, remove the plastic bags from the boxes, and switch them around. When the victim tries to eat breakfast they will do a double-take when the wrong cereal pours out. Toilet Trouble: Put a piece of bubblewrap under the toilet seat so when your victim sits, they are surprised by a loud POP! You Spilled What:Find an old bottle of nail polish that you don't want anymore. Unscrew the cap and set it sideways on a piece of waxed paper, letting the contents flow out into a puddle. When it dries completely, peel it off of the paper. Now you can put it anywhere and trick someone into thinking there is spilled nail polish. Works best on something your victim cherishes or on one of their important documents! Soggy Socks:Carefully place small water balloons in the toe your victim's shoes.

They'll get a wet surprise! (Please only do this on inexpensive shoes.) Con’t on page 74... .

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Health & Well Being

CRISIS? WHAT CRISIS?

Long term stress is a killer! The human body was never designed for long periods of stress.  Also known as ‘flight or flight’ syndrome, the body rapidly  prepares itself for life threatening situations by increasing blood supply to the muscles, heart rate, breathing, sweating and

adrenalin flow. In the short term, there is no adverse effects on the body, but over long periods of time can lead to atherosclerosis (closing of the arteries), heart disease, high blood pressure and muscular tension (especially in the neck and shoulders), Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS i.e. poor digestion), poor sleep patterns, anger etc...   Massage is one of the ways to combat this. As well as reducing muscular tension in the neck and shoulders, it will decrease high blood pressure and stimulate the ‘parasympathetic nervous system’, improving digestion, decreasing high blood cholesterol, and creating a feeling of well-being. Before you pop another pill for high blood pressure, water retention or sleep, consider massage as a better preventative and natural aid to these problems. With the cost of living here on the Costa, Miraflores Massage Centre is now offering clinical massage therapy 40 euros per hour. As one of the top therapists in Spain, Michael Izon has a reputation for his work, including sports massage, Reiki and Fusion Massage, his own form of massage that he has been developing over the last 7 years, specifically designed for neck and shoulder tension. Don’t let stress ruin your life; phone for a free consultation now.

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 65

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 66

ocal Info ---

Emergency Numbers

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 01/04/2012: April Fools Day 05/04/2012: Maundy Thursday EASTER: 06/042012: Good Friday 08/04/2012: Easter Sunday 09/04/2012: Easter Monday Monday: Semana Santa is celebrated in Spain. Expect many places to be closed for Easter week. 23/04/2012: St. George's Day

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 67

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 68

HA,HA,HE,HE... Me Tarzan, You Jane: One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground, and spread her legs. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Tarzan check for squirrels."

A Brain Walks Into A Bar... A brain walks into a bar and asks the barman for a set of jump-leads, but the barman tells him to get out as he's barred. 'What,' says the brain, 'I've never been in here before'. 'Get lost,' says the barman, 'you're out of your head and you're trying to start something'. Ravages of Time: Two very senior little ladies were discussing the ravages that time had wrought on their bodies. One said "My arthritis has got so bad I can hardly grip anything, my cataracts seem to get worse every day, I have gout in my right leg and canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bend my knee and I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hear anything but thank God I can still drive.

Patio doors secured, Safes opened and fitted, Locks upgraded, Changed key holding. Fully registered. Credit cards now taken. Call Bob and Debbie on:

952 660 233 - 667 668 685

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 69

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 2:19 PM Page 70

Strange but true... Have you ever wondered the origin of a saying? The Clink: The name of a prison which was on Clink Street in the Southwark area of London. An inmate wrote: I always thought that the doors of the cells went "clink" when they shut behind the prisoner. Maybe a more accurate name would be the "clang". Black Market: In medieval England there were nomadic mercenaries who wandered the country side and would sell their services to the highest bidder. These were hardened fighters who lived solitary lives in the wilderness. They did not have the luxury of servants to polish their armor and it would oxidize to a blackish hue, and they came to be known as black knights. At local town festivals they would have exhibition jousting matches in which the winner of the fight would win the loser's weapons and armor. The local gentry, softened by the good life, would lose to these black knights. The nomadic knights didn't have much use for an extra set of armor and would sell it back to them immediately after the fight. The losing nobility would be forced to buy back their armor and this after market came to be known as the "Black Market". Minding Your Pâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s & Qâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s: Ale was served at local taverns out of a "tankard" ... you were charged by the angle of your elbow ... half-way up... you drank a pint, all the way up... you drank a quart. Since the Quart cost so much more than the Pint, you were warned to "Mind your Ps & Qs". Saved By The Bell: When our ancestors realis]ed that they were burying a great deal of people before their time had actually come, they came up with a solution. They tied a string onto the "dead" person's hand, buried them, and tied the other end of the string to a bell and then tied it to nearby tree branch. If the person revived enough to ring the bell, their survivors would rush out and dig them up. Hence... "saved by the bell"

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 71

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 72

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during April.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Capricorn you’ve been enjoying the energy boost from Mars since the middle of last month this continues all through April 2012. It has been giving you stronger urges, and more strength and initiative to succeed. On April 14th, Mars starts moving forward, so from here on in you can go full steam ahead to get what you really want. The full potential of this promising transit can now be realised and you can claim the rewards for all your striving and enthusiasm. April 21st’s New Moon will be pushing you to succeed. This is extremely fortunate for you. You’ll be feeling increased strength, bravery, high selfesteem and sexual magnetism. You will be very attractive and super keen to get out there and fully experience life. All relationships should be rewarding goals will be much easier to attain. Start new projects; compete to win get want you desire. You will be victorious, so strut your stuff with pride. Aquarius you’ll have a pleasant start to the month with Venus in your sign from April 3rd to 15th. Venus rules love and money so you get a couple of weeks of extra enjoyment in your life. Your need for tenderness is increased, you will find love and affection easily because you are looking and feeling especially beautiful, you will attract more admiration and attention than you know what to do with. Socialising is a good idea because you are likely to be more popular and your calm nature will allow you to let your hair down and enjoy company. The relaxed atmosphere will give way to a little more tension in your life from the April 21st’s New Moon. This Moon is suggesting some conflict or a power struggle. Any conflict which that Moon brings can now be resolved through open and honest communication. Pisces you have been struggling with aggravation from Mars since the middle of last month it continues in its opposition to your sign throughout April. Ego conflicts, challenges to your authority, temper outbursts and a draining of your energy are all symptoms of this transit. The retrograde is making matters worse as there is a tendency to internalise the anger and you are having greater difficulty getting things off your chest. You will really need to draw on all your patience and be very considerate of the feelings of your loved ones during this period. Mars turns directly on April 14th and this coincides with the end of the challenging Venus transit. From here on it will be a lot easier to express your strong desires and channel the aggressive instincts. April 21st’s New Moon will boost your self-confidence, inner balance, and calming effect on relationships will last for the next four weeks. Aries you’ll have a lovely start to the month. Venus will be making an appearance from April 3rd to 15th, which should make you more loving and affectionate. You will feel more sociable making it a fantastic time to get out with friends; you will be the most popular person in the room giving off warm and attractive vibes. This is also a good time to meet new people you will attract those types who are genuine and good for you. This will be especially so around April 9th when Venus and Uranus will be in the sky bringing pleasant surprises with chance encounters, with the possibility of meeting someone unusual or very interesting. Venus is spreading more opportunity in your direction this will relate to love and money. Mercury will be passing through your sign from April 17th to 26th. Expect exciting or unexpected news, you may have to meet with people or travel on the spur of the moment.

Taurus

Taurus, April sees the continuation of Mars in retrograde. Just like the last weeks of March, you will feel very strongly the “increased energy, self confidence and sexual desire“. From April 8th you could find yourself having a few days of conflict in relationships. This is a love-hate transit where tempers can boil over and things are best resolved in the bedroom. Mars turns on April 14th which means that from now on you will be able to more easily express all those desires and work at initiating the things you have been wanting to do, it’s action time. The New Moon on April 21st brings an excellent omen to your sign giving you great self-confidence and attractiveness. Now is the time to go for all those things you really desire. Positive energy and passion will attract good people and circumstances. You will make a good impression and will strive for success. The stars say you will win.

Gemini

Gemini you are feeling frustrated at this time Mars is in your sign throughout April, meaning that the anger you feel is more difficult to express, you have been internalizing this hot energy to an extent. Don’t panic though as some relief will be found. Firstly, Venus passes through your sign from April 3rd to 15th, which will bring more harmony to relationships, and hopefully a bit more inner peace. Try and be especially careful not to loose you temper with those you care about around the 8th of April. Secondary, Mars turns directly on your sign from April 14th so from then on you will find it easier to get things off your chest. You will still feel the anger, but will be able to let it out more openly and safely. You will gain a better understanding of why you have been frustrated, things about yourself that have been getting in the way of progress or happiness.

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 73

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, the mighty Mars is still in your sign this month it’s positive influence will last throughout April. It will continue to bring increased energy and vitality, with a strong urge to have your desired fulfilled, both physically and mentally. With Mars in retrograde, these strong desires may not have been fully met, and the success promised by this transit may not have been fully realised. Mars makes you take the initiative, take risks, but while in retrograde this is subdued. Mars turns on April 14th, so from here on it is full steam ahead, no second-guessing or hesitation. From April 17th to 26th your life will increase in tempo giving clearer communications and a flurry of mental activity. This is a great time to achieve your goals, or reorganise some of the finer details of your plans. This is a great time to get people on your side; they will be attracted by your strength and direct approach. Leo you’ve got that loving feeling, Venus is orbiting sky from April 3rd to the 15th. This gives you a nice start to the month you’ll be feeling very affectionate and can expect warmer relationships with loved ones and people in general. Get out have some fun socialising your positive vibe will attract nice people, making new friends or meeting someone special is more likely at this time. Finances should be better for the first half of April; you attract money just as you will attract love. With Venus and Uranus in your sign on April 9th, there may be a pleasant surprise in the love department, compliments, gifts, or a little win. You also get a good deal from Mercury lasting April 17th to 26th this increases the tempo of your life. However on April 25th, Mercury and Pluto may bring aggravation or a difference of opinion. Take care on this day there may be something going on behind the scenes you are not aware of. Virgo, Mars in your sign this month you are “pumped up, lots of adrenalin. Intense desires and a very strong will to get what you want“. The retrograde motion tends to bring out the worst of Mars, with anger and resentment being internalised. Venus is coming into your sign from April 3rd to 15th, bring a period of strong ego and a need for sexual gratification it is likely to put a real strain on love relationships. You probably won’t get the reaction you are after from your advances, leading to yet more frustration. I don’t have much advice here except to say try and be patient for the first two weeks of April. Look to let off steam in competitive sport or at the gym. Things improve greatly in the second half of this month. Mars turns directly on April 14th, meaning that this intense energy you have will finally find release. Libra you’ll have a nice start to this month with Venus in your sign from April 3rd to 15th. This means you should feel more affectionate and serene, and can generally expect to have warmer and closer relationships with friends and family, and especially lovers. Venus and Uranus in your sign on April 9th will add a touch of excitement or thrill into your love life, with the possibility of pleasant surprises, or meeting someone new and stimulating. As Venus also rules money, the first half of this month may find you having a little windfall. The focus turns to your communication from April 17th to 26th. This transit speeds up the tempo of your life, which can be unsettling as you find it harder to keep up with the pace and keep your mind centered. Mercury in Pluto on April 25th will trigger another longterm transit, with major transformations occurring in your life this will last for the rest of the year. Scorpio you’ll be getting a boost from Mars throughout April. This transit began in the middle of last month and is the reason you have “increased energy levels and libido“, but because Mars is in retrograde the energy is a bit more subdued, although you have a strong urge to take action and take the initiative, the retrograde phase of this transit can hold you back somewhat. All this changes when Mars turns directly on April 14th. From now on you will be able to use this extra energy to it’s full potential. April 21st’s New Moon is opposite your sign. This means that for the next four weeks, you are more likely to be faced with opposition to your goals from other people, either in your private or professional life. The opposition means that things occur, challenges to test your faith, and slowly you learn to place more value on things which money cannot buy, love, friends, beliefs, morality or religion. Sagittarius you’ve had the aggravating Mars in your sign since the middle of last month, and this continues through April. It’s been the cause of your anger and irritation. From April 3rd to 15th you will feel increased friction in love relationships. From April 6th to 8th will come the real test, Venus, Mars and Neptune are in your sign. There is likely to be suspicion, accusation, rejection or disappointment, and it may be you that is the victim, or you that is the naughty one. Things improve quickly from April 14th. You will still have to deal with the irritation and ego conflict, but you will be able to get things off your chest. Be aware of a tendency to slacken off when it comes to showing affection to loved ones and getting motivated for work. You might want to think twice before spending money on unnecessary items.

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 74

APRIL FOOL

Continued...

Here are some great April Fools pranks for you to try out on your friends, family and co-workers... At Work - Do the Splits: Find a scrap of old cloth. Place a coin on the floor and

stay nearby. When the victim comes by and bends down to pick up the coin, rip the cloth loudly. Most people will reach back to see if they ripped their trousers. One of the original classic April Fool's pranks of all time!

Incorrect: If the victim uses Microsoft Word, go into the victimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s computer and

change the auto-correct feature so it mis-spells common words. Just open Word, from the Tools menu, and have it replace common words like â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;theâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;andâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; with silly words like â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;bottom burpâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; or â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Uranus.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Be creative.

At The Pub - Don't Cry Over Spilled Beer: Tell a friend that you know a great trick. Put your hand palm-down on the table and balance a full glass of beer (or any liquid) on the back of your hand. Bet your friend that they can't balance a glass on both hands at once (with your help to put them in place). As soon as you have the glasses balanced, stand up and walk out. They will be trapped and will have to spill the beers to escape.

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 75

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 76

PADDLE 4 HEROES

On the 31st May this year, a team of men from Paddle 4 Heroes are going to paddle from Gibraltar to Elviria, Marbella by kayak to raise funds for Help for Heroes and a new charity called Families of The Fallen. Both of these charities should touch the heart of anyone British, as they are at the forefront of helping servicemen and women and their families recover from the trauma of war. Of the team (aged between 22– 52!), five are ex-servicemen and several have experienced active service and all know the devastation that war can bring to everyone involved. Needless to say, the point of the canoe trip by Paddle4Heroes from Gibraltar to Marbella on the 31st May is to raise funds for Help for Heroes and Families of the Fallen. It's your donations that keep these charities going and it's this money that directly helps our servicemen and women in their time of greatest need. Please do give Paddle4Heroes some Likes on their Facebook page and spread the ‘word’ about what they are doing (your Facebook/Twitter/Google+/Blog etc.). – every donation (however small) is very much appreciated. if you want to get hold of Paddle4Heroes directly then you can e-mail them at: paddle4heroes@hotmail.com or, donate online from http://www.bmycharity.com/Paddle4Heroes And http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/paddle4heroes Paddle 4 Heroes would like to thank the Costa Link magazine for their massive support, they have designed our logos and flyers, supplied free advertising and also donated a massive bag of coins towards expenses, so a Big Thank You to Costa Link magazine. If you are a business that would like to host a fund raising event like a quiz night or similar please contact Paddle 4 Heroes.

CLEARFLOW

drain and pipe service do not claim to be the biggest but they are doing their upmost to be the best! Clear flow is the longest established expat company of its type on the Costa del Sol, specialising in unblocking drains and sewer pipes, tracing pipes and locating hidden manholes, cctv surveys and emptying septic tanks. In this day and age, it is reassuring to be reminded that there are still companies which care about their clients and which are more concerned with finding a permanent solution to a problem than doing a temporary repair and waiting for the phone call to say that something has gone wrong again. They are a family run business, whose owners have been on the Costa del Sol for more than 30 years. They stress that clients are welcome to ring them for free advice if they are worried about anything. They cover anywhere between Malaga and Sotogrande and offer a seven day a week emergency service.

See our ad on page 27 76

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 77

5-; 5*12 5-; 5*12 s spain.com pain.com

SKY CCARDS ARDS DISHES DIGIBOXES DIGIBO XES REMOTES REMO TES TT.V. .V. REPAIR REPAIR SSATELLITE ATELLITE INSTALLATION INSTALLATION All with 12 months guar guarantee antee W We e deliv deliver er and install in all ar areas eas Call us to check check out our prices Monday-Friday riday 10am - 6pm Monday-F Saturday Saturday 10am - 2pm

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 78

Terrible... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

(Are you ready ???) The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 79

K.F.S K. F.S {

Kennedy K ennedy F Financial inancial S Services er vices

25 y years ears e experience xperience Ov erseas P ension Specialists Overseas Pension F ree no obliga tion consulta tion Free obligation consultation

HAVE HA VE Y YOU OU ALREAD ALREADY QROPS? Y DONE A QR OPS? OR THINKING OF DOING ONE? If you have transferred you UK pension to a QROPS or are thinking of doing so, then you should consider that tax situation on the inco me you receive. income Are you paying tax on the income from you yourr QROPS? or if you would like a tax free income from your QROPS pens ion in the future then you pension should consider a Brooklands QROPS. Did you know that there are QROPS where the inco me is TAX TAX FREE? income That could mean a saving of hundreds if not thousands of pounds per year year.. Is that money better off off in your pocket? To T o find out more and how you could benefit email: admin@kennedyfinancialservices.com or go to: www www.kennedyfinancialservices.com .kennedyfinancialservices.com complete the FREE ASSESSMENT form. Contact Kennedy Financial Services on 951 206 138/139 or contact David on 678 035 992 Apto de Correos 129, 29100 COIN, Mรกlaga

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:55 PM Page 80

TIP TIPS&TRICKS T IP PS S& S &T TR RIIIC R CK KS S The Ball Above and Below Your Feet & Positive Putting The Ball Above and Below Your Feet On the courses in Spain you will often find the ball above or below your feet. If you don’t set-up to allow for this before you swing it will result in a bad shot. Here are some tips that will improve the shots you play from these uneven lies. Above Your Feet 1.Sole the club to establish your posture and the plane of your swing. 2.Grip down on the club. 3.Move the ball back in your stance from where you would normally position it for a level lie. 4.Stand more upright with your knees flexed into the hill. 5.Don’t make anymore than a three-quarter swing concentrating on keeping your balance throughout the swing. Below Your Feet 1.Sole the club to establish both your swing plane and posture 2.Stand closer to the ball. 3.Move the ball forward in your stance from where you would normally position it for a level lie. 4.Widen your stance, pigeon toe your feet and flex your knees into the hill. 5.Make no more than a three-quarter swing concentrating on keeping your balance throughout the swing. Try this out on the practice ground and then take it onto the course. Uneven lies will be easy to deal with.

Positive Putting Do roll the ball into the back of the hole or just over the edge? Do you see the ball finishing past the hole if it misses? How far away from the hole are you confident you will sink the putt? The worst sensation is when the ball, which is bang on line, stops just before the hole with just a few cm´s to go and it still costs you another shot on the card. If you putt like this all the time you must change and become a positive putter. Your first step is to increase the distance from the hole where you are sure the ball will drop. On the practice green take your putter and place a ball marker one putters length from the hole. Putt three balls from the marker and if you sink all three move the marker another putters length from the hole and start again. If you don’t putt all three stay at that distance until you do. This drill will show you clearly that if a ball goes past the hole, at what distance the putt back will be a problem to you and should increase your confidence to strike a putt with enough pace always to drop. Remember as you putt a ball that finishes past the hole, within a putters length, always had the chance to drop, and it is a fact that more putts are missed short than off line.

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:56 PM Page 81

teleweb internet & telephone just got better! tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:56 PM Page 82

Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 92

Crossword Across: 1 Deliberate (7) 5 Mesh (7) 9 Out-and-out (9) 10 What chocolate comes from (5) 11 Pins (7) 12 Make bigger (7) 13 Assign (9) 15 Effeminate (5) 17 A South American rodent (5) 19 A finger or toe (9) 22 Laid bare (7) 25 Craftsman (7) 26 Dike (5) 27 Discriminate (9) 28 Probably (2 words) (7) 29 People watching their calories (7) Down: 1 Made broader (7) 2 In an illegal manner (9) 3 Front limb of a horse (7) 4 Make laws (9) 5 French for "Our" (5) 6 These stop football plays (7) 7 Become liable to (5) 8 Food market (7) 14 Disaffected (9) 16 Well-kept (9) 17 Pampered (7) 18 Take one's clothes off (7) 20 Utmost (7) 21 One of New York's baseball teams (7) 23 Forever no (5) 24 Dirty (5)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

BIKE RACE At the recent Costa Link downhill mountain bike race, four entrants entered the challenging slalom event. Alan came first. The entrant wearing number 2 wore red, whereas John didn't wear yellow. The loser wore blue and Steve wore number 1. Kev beat Steve and the person who came second wore number 3. The entrant in yellow beat the entrant in green. Only one of the entrants wore the same number as their final position. Can you determine who finished where, the number and colour they wore?

Say What You See...

pro m ise 82

MAN BOARD

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:56 PM Page 83

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:57 PM Page 84

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News... EURO 2012 This year’s Euro 2012 football competition is to be held in Poland and Ukraine. These two countries represent an interesting contrast to typical regions that host major sporting events. Both countries are transitional economies, and only Poland is part of the European Union. UEFA have a range of criteria for hosts of the European competition, including : Stable political system, open labour markets, protection from employee exploitation, and significant capital and labour to be hosts providing 8 ‘state-of-the-art’ stadiums. Based on previous statistics, more than 500,000 people from all over Europe could visit these two countries during the competition. It is estimated the two countries will spend between $10bn to $15bn on upgrading infrastructure and hosting the tournament. It is likely the costs will far exceed the direct economic benefit of being hosts, even if the impact is long term over a decade or more. However, the benefits to the residents of both nations will be long term. Spain are currently number one in the FIFA world rankings, and are the current European and World cup holders. This compares with their 2012 hosts Poland who are ranked 75th and Ukraine 49th. England are currently ranked 6th, which is not bad for a nation of quarterfinalists. The competition will kick off on the 8th June when Poland play Greece with an estimated 150 million viewers worldwide. Spain play Italy two days later on the 10th and England play France on the 11th. Some other interesting facts about the competition: • For the first time in the history the European Football Tournament will be held in Eastern Europe. • EURO 2012 will be the last with 16 teams in the final part. After EURO 2012 there will be 24 finalists. • The estimated value of the winners’ Cup, made with pure silver, is € 20.000. • One month before EURO 2012 in Ukraine and Poland, UEFA will lease 8 stadiums that will hold the matches. Therefore, the Union of European Football Organizations will pay the arena’s owners rent for two and half months. • UEFA are set to make around $1.5 billion from sales of the TV rights and merchandising • According to the office for National Statistics there are around 515,000 Poles living in the UK • UK Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg could qualify to play for Ukraine at Euro 2012 thanks to his paternal grandmother, Kira von Engelhardt. She was the daughter of a Ukrainian baron who fled the Bolsheviks during the 1917 revolution. • Dynamo Kiev won the Ukrainian Premiership nine years on the trot from the 1992/3 season until 2000/1. In fact, during the 20 year history of the Ukrainian Premiership, Dynamo have won 13 times. And on the seven occasions when they didn't win it, they came second.

Written by our financial expert James Alexander.

If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us: sales@costalinkmagazine.com or on 663 061 669. 84

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Well it seems the woes of Greece are over for the time being. They have been given their money and are expected to make more cuts, apparently there are people standing in line waiting to buy potatoes, could we end up with a poverty stricken nation on our doorstep? Its all eyes on Portugal at the moment as it seems they will be doing a “Greece” by the end of 2012. According to the boss of the worlds largest private sector bond funds PIMCO, Portugal will need extra cash from Brussels to stop the country going bust. Forecasts indicate that the Portuguese economy will contract by 3.3% this year as the government implements austerity measures under a €78bn (£65bn) bailout from the E.U and the IMF. It is expected that Portugal’s first bailout package will not be sufficient, so they will have to go cap in hand back to the E.U and the IMF for more money, this will only mean more cuts and more austerity measures, which will hit the Portuguese people hard.

Another on the cards...

A discovery has been made by scientist, they have found a gene and called it the greedy gene, the gene allows people to eat more even though they are full, they should rename it the Banker Gene!!. Don’t let the banks cash-in on your money exchange, Speak with our Foreign exchange partner Moneycorp and see how they can help your money co further, for free, no obligation guidance call Moneycorp. Moneycorp: 951 319 700 costalink@moneycorp.com Please mention costalink magazine when contacting moneycorp.

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Why O Why

BMW have just released the M6 and 6 series convertible but some amazing coupes have slipped through the net, Why O Why, BMW, didn’t these go into production? The Spicup – an amalgamation of the words spider and coupe, never made it into production and the only example built sold recently at an auction for 460.000€ Remember the late 1980’s 5 Series? A 2 door coupe was planned but never produced it would have been a rival to the Mercedes E class coupe. There was also a 2 door M5 convertible built, but this didn’t go into production as BMW bosses worried that it would detract from sales of the M3 Convertible. The M8 – no not text talk, but a proper M version of the 1990’s 8 Series, this was all ready to go into production and BMW decided that the 8 series was not a good car for the 1990’s recession and it was axed just as it was to come out. The 8 Series convertible suffered the same fate. The Nazca produced three different concept cars in the early 1990’s intended as a replacement for the M1 had gullwing doors and a 0-60MPh time of 3.7 seconds with a top speed of 200MPH In 2006 The Mille Miglia was produced as a tribute to the BMW 328 touring coupe that won the Mille Miglia 1000 mile race in 1940. Instead of conventional doors, it features a top rear hinged canopy, allowing driver and passengers to climb in. The engine and running gear came from a Z4. Only one was produced and it was never intend to go into fullscale production – what a shame! 86

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:57 PM Page 88

The Jokes page

Jokes page

What did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping down a hill? There go 10 Easter bunnies hopping down the hill... And, then what did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping down a hill wearing sunglasses? Nothing...He didn't recognise them. Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes: ‘ Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.’ The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife: “ If she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.” How does the Easter bunny stay in shape? Hareobics!

A woman goes into a Pet Shop and sees the most fantastic parrot ever. She asks how much it is. The Guy says It not for sale its been causing problems because of language, which probably comes from where it used to live. The woman insists saying she is not bothered by the 88

swearing etc. Offers the guy £300, he takes it, and she leaves with the parrot. The parrot gets to the house, settles in and says 'Ah new house, New Madam' The woman thinks ah this parrot used to live in a brothel... not so bad. With that her 2 daughters arrive and the parrot says 'Ah New house, New Girls' They all titter and think its quite funny. Then the husband comes home and the parrot says 'Hi Andy how are you doing?'

What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot? It's been nice gnawing you. Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!". "I've been circumcised.", the other replied. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My mum said I was two days old." "Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly. "You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:57 PM Page 90

how many pink?

how many orange?

how many green?

COUNT THE EGGS!

KIDS STUFF Easter Puzzle

Can you help the bunny find the chick on the Easter Egg Hunt?

how many blue?

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:58 PM Page 91

April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:58 PM Page 92

Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 16 & 82 Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Broken promise Man over board

Brain Teaser # Name 1 Alan 2 Kev 3 Steve 4 John

Wore 2 3 1 4

Colour red yellow green blue

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Britt Eckland 2) Anthony Burgess 3) Mark Knopfler 4) New York and Boston 5) Gerald Durrell 6) Cat 7) Ford 8) Bulgarian 9) Formula One 10) George W Bush 11) Elton John 12) Clark Gable 13) Flamingo 14) Angels 15) Swans 16) Carousel 17) 12 18) Australian Cadel Evans 19) Alaska 20) Different Strokes - Arnold 21) 1969 22) Glenn Hoddle 23) Outside Broadcast 24) Whitney Houston 25) A Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harum, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen 26) Volvo 27) The Simpsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 28) Gromit 29) Harare 30) Stacey Solomon

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ATTENTION 92

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April 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/23/12 1:58 PM Page 95

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