Costa Link Magazine April 2013

April 2013 No73

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The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

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Spring has sprung!

What a month! The Costa del Sol seems to have woken up from its winter slumber don’t think much of the awful weather we’ve seen throughout March hopefully we won’t see too many April showers… Still it’s better than all that snow they are having in the UK. It’s busy on the sporting front this month we have the Grand National running on the 6th of April and the FA Cup Semi Finals on the 13th and 14th of the month. On the 21st of April the Marathon is run in London, we wonder how many nutters in full costumes will be entering this year!

CONGRATULATIONS to Valerie Harris who won our win a dinner competition last month at La Luna Restaurant in Mijas. Why not enter our competition this month it’s at the very funky Iglu Restaurant in El Pilar? You’ll win a meal for 2 and a bottle of house wine (worth a flutter) check out page 5, just send the correct answer to win@costalinkmagazine.com.

Were off now for a buggy safari – if you fancy joining us see page 58.

Keep smiling and have a great month!

Link!

Everyone Loves the Costa

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Guide

W ha t’ s On

Like us...

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Puzzles

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TH E JOKES PA GE

Bar & Res tau ran t

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Woman’s World • • • • • • • • •

Tips for Girls

Aspire to be Barbie: the bitch has everything.

If the shoe fits: buy one in every color.

Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

In need of a support group? Cocktail hour with the girls!

Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS: And this is just my personality.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok: They know me there.

Lead me not into temptation: I can find it myself.

Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing: And it makes you walk funnily.

Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is: Someone else's ex boyfriend/husband!

How to get away with a late night on the town..... The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3am, a bit drunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway cuckooed three times. Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quickwitted solution. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “midnight” he didn't seem cross at all. Whew, got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night it cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh poo.’ Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

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HOT GOSS, USA!

ANGELINA JOLIE AND JENNIFER ANISTON TO SEE INTENSE MEDIA WEDDING WARS...

Will Married Life Curb the Media’s Aniston VS Jolie War? Are you Team Aniston or Team Jolie? Well, it may not matter for much longer either way. With Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie’s upcoming weddings, some speculate the Brad Pitt love triangle hype, which has been a tabloid target since way back in 2004, is finally ending.

The Aniston versus Jolie war was sparked from the moment Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie stepped on-set to film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” and it only intensified when Pitt and Aniston filed for divorce the following year. Despite vehement denials from both camps about romantic relations between Jolie and Pitt, a few months later the genetically blessed stars were photographed together on an island in Kenya. And for the last eight years, entertainment news outlets have ceaselessly devoted headline after headline to the alleged “war” between the two Hollywood leading ladies. From claims of confrontations, to unfounded tales that “Brad Wants Jen Back” to articles that the two are always trying to one-up the other –Aniston being “Pitted” against Jolie is almost as American as apple pie. But until the respective weddings are both done and dusted, expect contrasts and comparisons to hit a high point. And then there’s the Honeymoon period. Expect the bloodshed to die down – if only a little. Yet there are still some from the school of thought that the A-list love war will always and forever be perfect gossip for the blogs and weeklies. Hollywood life management expert Kimberly Friedmutter said she expect the two will always be compared. “More than likely, their funerals will be compared as well.” Oh the joys of being a Hollywood A Lister!

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HOT GOSS!

SHARON OSBOURNE IS IN “POLE POSITION” FOR X FACTOR...

Sharon Osbourne’s chances of re-joining The X Factor seem pretty high – in fact she’s thought to be Simon Cowell’s top choice for the job. Now that Mel B is out of the running after signing up for Australia’s Got Talent, Sharon is looking like a dead cert to come back to the X Factor fold. “Simon is a huge fan of Sharon. Things are looking good for her. She is in pole position,” an insider tells The Sun. If Sharon does make her return, it means she’ll reclaim her place on the panel six years after leaving The X Factor. Six years… time flies, doesn’t it? While The X Factor is a good few months away yet, we’d really like it if boss Simon Cowell put us all out of our misery and just confirmed who’s going to be a judge this year. All this speculation is exhausting. But we all know Simon loves the free publicity… *sigh*

DANNII MINOGUE HAS JOINED THE JUDGING PANEL ON THE AUSTRALIAN X FACTOR?...

Dannii Minogue has reportedly signed up for the Australian version of the X Factor, in what is thought to be a six figure deal.The former pop star turned down the opportunity to appear again on the panel on the British show last year and even claimed that Louis Walsh was trying to tempt her back on just this weekend! Before she left, Dannii was a judge on the show between 2007 and 2011. “Dannii sees Australia as her home and so this offer works perfectly for her family life with her son Ethan. Being on the Australian show also means she doesn't need to cross paths with Simon Cowell and that is no bad thing either. “He has very little to do with the Aussie version and she didn't even need to speak to him about this deal.”

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Confusus he dsidany.’.t.

• Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

• Man who run in front of car get tired.

• Man who run behind car get exhausted.

• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

• Man with one chop stick go hungry.

• Man who scratches ass should not bite finger nails.

• Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

• Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ • Man who walk thru airport turn stile sideways going to Bangkok.

• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

• War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

• Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

• Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

• Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

• Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

• Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

• Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

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Are you ready for ankle bitters!?!

A simple tests to determine your preparedness for children (if you’ve got the little darlings, maybe you should have read this first!): MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the cat's litter box, then on the walls. Cover the stains with a coating of crayon. Place a fish finger behind the sofa and leave it there all summer. Still think you can hack it?

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen without suffering excruciating pain (believe me it’s impossible). FYI: Do not shout expletives as this could wake a sleeping child.

SUPERMARKET TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you to the grocery store. Keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one unhappy, live octopus. Wake it up early and try to stuff it into a small net bag. Don't forget the gloves, hat and scarf it may be cold outside.

PHYSICAL TEST: Obtain a large beanbag and attach it to your midsection. Leave it there for nine months, then remove 10% of the beans.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Olly Murs shot to fame thanks to which TV show?

2) What animal is on the top of the Calcutta Cup? 3) Who had a number one hit with Set Fire to the Rain?

4) Which film followed out of work steelworkers as they pursued careers as male strippers?

5) What was Curly’s proper name in Coronation St? 6) Who was the reigning monarch when Shakespeare was alive?

7) What is Prince Charles favourite sport?

8) The Forth River flows into which body of water?

9) Which children’s toy provided Aqua with a number one hit?

10) What is shouted on contact in fencing?

(Clue – it is not ouch!)

11) Which sport is played on the largest field, is it football, cricket or polo?

12) Which part of an ocean shares it’s name with a musical?

13) Who joined the butcher and the baker in the children’s nursery rhyme?

14) How many pins does a Spanish plug have?

15) The leaf from which tree is on the Canadian national flag?

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16) Which lady presented Dancing on Ice 2012/2013?

17) What is Marsh Gas more commonly known as?

18) Which plasticine pair have won 6 Oscars?

19) Which Gulf is situated between Saudi Arabia and Iran?

20) Which word can go before Biscuit, Closet and Colour to form 3 new terms?

21) What colour shirts did England wear when they won the football world cup in 1966?

22) St Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of which country?

23) ‘Red Rum’ was what sort of champion?

24) What type of animal was the character ‘Babe’?

25) ‘See my Baby Jive’ was a number one hit for which magical sounding band?

26) John Curry was a world champion but on what type of surface?

27) Brisbane is the capital of which state of Australia?

28) A ‘rotor’ propels which sort of aircraft?

29) Live Aid was staged at which venue in the UK? 30) Alberta is a province of which country?

Answers on page 92

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Are you ready for t... ’ ankle bitters!?! n o c

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic jug. Fill halfway with milk. Suspend the jug from the ceiling and start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of applesauce into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.

Once you've succeeded, dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Fill a small cloth bag with 10 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag. At 9 p.m., lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, waltz and sing every song you have ever heard until 1 a.m. Repeat between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. Set alarm for 5 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for three years. Remain cheerful.

FISCAL TEST: Go to the nearest pharmacy. Place your wallet on the counter. Leave it there. Now proceed to the nearest supermarket and arrange for your pay to be directly deposited into their bank account.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve on both their disciplinary practices and their exercise of patience. Feel confident that you have all the answers. Take note of their expressions.

Now run..... FAST!

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The BUTLeR DID IT...

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife just wasn't having a good time at the party, she decided to go home early, by hersolf. Her husband had to stay at the party as several of his important clients were there and he didn’t want to lose face....

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, she led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled....

“Jeeves,” she said. “Take off my dress.” He did this carefully. “ Jeeves,” she continued. Take off my stockings and garter.” He silently obeyed her.

“Jeeves,” she then said. “Remove my bra and knickers.” As he did this, the tension in the room continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said....

"Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

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Man Rules

A Man’s IT’S ALL ABOUT US FELLA’S! W o r l d FINALLY HERE ARE THE RULES OF THE GAME… WE ALWAYS HEAR “THE RULES” FROM THE FEMALE SIDE NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE - THESE ARE OUR RULES! 1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. 2. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN. 3. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL. 4. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST SAY IT! 5. “YES” AND “NO” ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION. 6. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

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Danger for Dogs in the home...

When you have a child you are very aware of the dangers a home could present and we are constantly being warned about this but when you have a pet especially a dog you must also remember to make your home pet friendly and safe.

Most of us are aware of the dangers of swimming pools with pets but we seem to overlook the less obvious dangers of electrocution and plastic bags!

Recently we were told of a case of an owner that put their supermarket dog food bag outside and left the “ ZIPPER FRESH� open!! Although there was no food in the bag for a dog such as a greedy spaniel the bag was a tempting offer as the smell was still apparent in the bag.

The owner was unaware of what her dog was doing as the vacuum cleaner was on. The dog with its big long ears got his head trapped in the bag and tragically died of suffocation. This was of course a horrendous tragedy but the owner asked if we could make you aware of this problem so that maybe it will save another dogs life.

Please keep your pets safe. X

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Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

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Please don’t forget that the medilink service is provided FREE of charge to the community (a local call rate may apply).

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Medical Tips

Teeth wear…..a modern dental disease

3) “Abrasion” is where you are persistently using your teeth for functions other than eating will accelerate their wear. This has been documented for hairdressers and seamstresses who hold pins between the teeth or tear cotton thread. Alternatively if you wear a dental appliance

Picture 1:

But in the modern world the problem of tooth wear is increasing……do the edges of your teeth appear much shorter than they did 2 years ago? Are they uneven?

Maybe, the shape is ok but they seem thinner? Do they seem more translucent as light passes through them?

or morning sickness.

The wearing down of teeth over time is a normal physiological process but when the level of tooth wear is causing problems or is expected to cause problems, if it continues at this rate then this is called pathological tooth wear.

Early recognition and avoidance of the cause, as well as interceptive treatment may be needed if teeth are to be kept healthy and naturally beautiful.

Pathological tooth wear is a widespread problem in our modern world. In 1998, the UK adult health survey of over 6000 patients showed that there was moderate wear in 14% of men and 8% of women. In 2003, the UK Child dental health survey reported that over 6% of 15 year olds had significant wear of their permanent teeth which needed treatment. The implications of this are great because we only get one set of permanent teeth and what happens if they are already wearing away before the age of 20!

The types and causes of tooth wear generally fall into three categories:

1) “Attrition” is where you are persistently using your teeth for functions other than eating and this causes the acceleration of wear. Typical cause: stress! Many people habitually clench and grind their teeth causing wear of the biting surfaces. They may be doing this unconsciously or even at night and be completely unaware of the consequences.

2) “Erosion” is the non bacterial dissolution of the surface of the teeth from acid. This acid may come from the diet.

The Ph is a measure of how acidic a product is. A neutral Ph is 7 and the closer it is to 1 the more acidic it is. At around 5.5ph the enamel of our teeth starts to dissolve.

Some products obviously have a high acidic content like citrus juices but others may not be quite as obvious and may be even seen as healthy choices: these include vinaigrette salad dressings and diet drinks. Most commercial soft drinks have a Ph of 2.4-3 and the ph of wine can be as low as 2.8. Acids not only come from our diet but can be intrinsic i.e. coming from our stomach due to reflux from alcohol binging or undiagnosed stomach problems 40

Picture 2:

People’s attitudes towards their dental health have improved and more and more of us understand the messages, sugars contribute to dental decay and good oral hygiene is essential to prevent and control gum disease.

like a denture which is ill fitting this will traumatise and wear the teeth with its components.

Shown below is a picture of a young patient showing severe wear of his upper front teeth (Picture 1), along with a further picture of the “finished smile” (Picture 2):

Recognising the problem early is crucial as many patients will not identify issues until tooth wear has progressed significantly. See your dentist for a thorough examination and to discuss appropriate intervention and prevention.

Oasis Dental Clinic Marbella is centrally located and comprises 2 modern Dental/Surgical rooms, a comfortable reception area as well as an outside patio area where patients can sit and relax. As well as Oasis Dental Clinic Marbella offering digital x-rays (as mentioned in this editorial), the clinic offers a wide range of dental services, including: • Comprehensive initial 12 Point Dental Examinations and treatment planning • Diagnostic Digital x-rays (as needed) • Hygiene Treatments • General Dentistry, such as fillings, root canal treatments, extractions and dental implants • Cosmetic Dentistry, such as tooth whitening, porcelain veneers and full smile makeovers •Conscious Sedation for nervous patients

This editorial was written by Dr. Nina King, “Oasis Dental Clinic Marbella” which is a Preferred Partner of “medilink”. Both Nina and her team are well respected as well highly qualified, working from their clinic in Marbella.

For more information on “Oasis Dental Clinic Marbella” or any of our other Preferred Partners please call “medilink” on: 952 93 38 76 Please don’t forget that the “medilink” service is provided FREE of charge to our community

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Health & Well Being

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WHAT IS REFLEXOLOGY?

Reflexology is a non-intrusive complementary health therapy, based on the theory that different points on the feet, lower leg, hands, face or ears correspond with different areas of the body. Reflexologists work holistically with their clients and aim to work alongside allopathic healthcare to promote better health for their clients.

IS REFLEXOLOGY SUITABLE FOR ME?

Reflexology is a therapy which can be received by anyone at any age, from newborn babies to those receiving end of life care, and everyone in between. However, there may occasionally be times when it is not suitable to provide a treatment!

WILL REFLEXOLOGY HELP ME?

Well trained reflexologists do not claim to cure, diagnose or prescribe. Reflexology is a very individual treatment which is tailored to you as a whole person, taking into account both physical and non-physical factors that might be affecting your wellbeing. Some people find it works for them - some don't. The best way to find out is to try it! The theory is that reflexology helps the body to restore its balance naturally. Usually, after a treatment your tension may be reduced and you might feel relaxed. You might also notice yourself sleeping better and find your mood and sense of wellbeing improving. You may also find that other aspects improve too; however, this happens on an individual basis. There have been some positive research projects carried out with reflexology; however, as yet, there is not a large enough body of evidence for us to make clinical claims of effectiveness. With ever increasing levels of stress in everyday life, it is important for people to take more responsibility for their own healthcare needs. Reflexology may be one of the ways to mitigate the stresses of modern life.

Why not give it a try‌

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A JOB AT THe cOuncIl....

A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.....

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything? He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. When I was I was in Iraq a mine exploded near me when I was ton duty and I lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You’ve got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm...

But you can start tomorrow at 10.00am...

And carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am?

I’m not looking for any special treatment y'know".

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our b******s.

There's no point in you coming in for that."

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The oldies are the goodies…

Well it happens to the best of us… We all get there in the end: 97 years of age (if your are lucky) you can’t feel your teeth, maybe because they are in a pot next to your bed? Annoying the hell out of your children due to the fact they have to repeat everything 22 times?!?! We thought we’d take a look at the funny side…

• Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, he insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the lift. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. ”I don't know,” he said. “My wife is still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

• An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating; the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?''Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

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The Future’s Bright

Just an insight into some of the concept cars we saw last month in Geneva, lets hope they all make it into production!

Alfa has wanted to replace the 166 since it was axed in 2007, and have revealed its vision for a BMW 5 Series-sized saloon with this beautiful Gloria. It features a few trademark Alfa design cues, such as the bold bonnet creases culminating in the famous triangular grille. Leather straps on the bonnet are a nod to some of Alfa’s previous sporting models. It could be powered by bi-turbo V6 and V8 engines, which would be shared with the latest Maserati Quattroporte. And it could use the same platform as the forthcoming Maserati Ghibli saloon.

Giugiaro calls the Brivido a Hybird Gran Turismo that offers supercar performance, respect for the environment and truly advanced technology for a working prototype that is ready for the road. There are no side mirrors. Instead, two streamlined cameras positioned on the front three-quarter panels, which emerge only when the system is activated.

The Kia Provo is directly aimed at the Mini or Citroen DS3 buyer and is all about design and equipment, the headlamps feature more than 850 LED lights. It uses the 201 bhp 1.6-litre turbo engine, from the Hyundai Veloster cousin, and a seven-speed DCT transmission.

The Soleil Anadi, is a coachbuilt car based on the last model Corvette it has a detachable roof and a 6.2-litre supercharged V8 engine producing 651 bhp and is likely to top out at over 200 mph and will reach 60 mph 3.5 seconds.

The Spainish Spania GTA Spano boasts some of the best technology the automotive world has to offer. With an 8.4-lite V10 twin turbo and 900 bhp it takes less than 52 3 seconds to get to 60 mph with a top speed of 217.

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The oldies are the goodies…

• Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

• A man was telling his neighbour...“I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand euro, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.” ''Really,' answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?'” “Twelve thirty.”

• A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

• A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old friend: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'No, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'

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ARE YOU A CHILD OF THE 80’s?

• You learned to swim about the same time "Jaws" came out and still can't swim naked at night.

• Prince's "1999" was the focal point of your plans for an end of the century party.

• You dressed to emulate either Duran Duran, Poison, Madonna, Rick Springfield or Cyndi Lauper.

• You had a poster of Bo, Luke & Daisy Duke.

• There was nothing questionable about Bert and Ernie living together.

• You had a Pop Swatch Watch.

• You believed that “ By the power of Greyskull, you had the power!”

• Partying “ like it's 1999” seemed so far away.

• If you’ re a girl you wore a banana clip at some point during your youth.

• You had to change into play clothes after school.

• You never questioned why the A-Team were always imprisoned in places that had sufficient tools to build an armoured tank.

• You said “ bright light, bright light” in a strange high-pitched voice.

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ARE YOU A CHILD OF THE 80’s?

• Your new winter coat was best used to demonstrate that your wings were like a shield of steel.

• Your best party dress was either a ra-ra or puff-ball skirt worn with pixie boots.

• You tried to convince your Dad to fit a strip of red lights on the front of a Capri so it looked like KITT. • You had more than 10 sweets in a 10p mix-up.

• Your best mate had a Soda Stream at home and you were jealous.

• Any elderly Scottish lady sounded like Supergran.

• You got up extra early, especially to watch Saturday Morning cartoons.

• You were occasionally allowed to stay up late for Howard's Way, Dallas or Minder.

• Important decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."

• Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better and taking drugs meant orangeflavoured chewable aspirin.

• Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

• You ran around punching people on the arm shouting I DOUBLE-DARE YA!!!

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HA,HA,HE,HE...

­GOING TO THE GP:­One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says “I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife on the shoulder again. “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

A BURGER IN A CAFE: I bought a burger at my local cafe, the waitress said “would you like anything on it?”, I replied “a fiver each way”.

TWO COWBOYS: Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close by. “Oh! That doesn’t sound good,” says one cowboy to his pal. As soon as the words are spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and says, “Yeah well, our regular drummer is off sick.”

Just Like Mother... John was almost 39 years old. Most of his friends had already got married, and John just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?""No," John replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!""Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear old Mother?" Many weeks past before John and his friend got together again. "So John. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" John shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mum. My mother loved her, they became great friends.""Excellent!!!

So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?""I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"

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TALKING DOG FOR SALE A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the garden.

The guy goes into the garden and sees a black and white hound just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?" The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down.

So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals."

"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten euros."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Cause he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

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IN THE NAVY

This story is an 'alleged' transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian maritime contact off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees

South to avoid collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship; I say again divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: this is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse; your call.

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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ANIMAL MAGIC! A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing.

The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

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Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

CLMŠ2008

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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What’Guide s On

1st APRIL 2013 12 to 9pm: Kidz Kingdom in Bel Air Estepona has a Easter Egg hunt including: Face Painting, Balloon Artist, Pinatas and much much more. For more information call: 952 928 936 or visit: www.kidzkingdom.eu.

To the 1st APRIL 2013: Fifth pre-owned boat show will be held in the marina of Puerto José Banús. An estimated 100 boats, from 17 to 84 feet. Take advantage of this opportunity and start your boating dream. Boat Fair Opening Hours: Thursday 28/03 – Saturday 30/03: 11:00 – 19:00 Sunday 31/03 – Monday 1/04: 11:00 – 20:00 Contact: Tel: (+34) 952 777 098 Email: event@marinamarbella.net now Tuesday the 2nd to the Saturday the 13th of APRIL 2013: The Multisports Club Basketball, football, tennis and lots more fun games and activities for boys and girls aged 4 – 12 years old in Nueva Andalucia, Marbella. Call on 678 286 490 or visit the website on www.multisportsclub.com.

To the 7th APRIL 2013, Sevilla - TITANIC: The Exhibition: Being held at the Pabellon de la Navegacion on the river, this excellent exhibition explains the history of the ship - its design and construction; tells exactly what happened on the fateful night of 15 April 1912. For more information email: info@pabellondelanavegacion.es Saturday 27th & Sunday 28th April 2013 10am to 7pm: The Home Gardens & Lifestyle Show hits Torremolinos... It’s back only bigger... There are lots of things going on: Have tea with Tommy Walsh from Ground Force and meet lots of other local celebrities. Why not enter the art competition ot take a trip down the tunnel of vino? There is also a dedicated health and wellness area. There will also be cookery demonstrations - why not just come along and soak up the atmosphere. For more information call: 634 399 125 or 966 761 050 or visit www.homesandgardens.tv Thursday 4th April 2013: PAD Animal Charity is holding an event @ The Beach House, Elviria - A Tribute to 50 years of James Bond 007 for more information email: info@padcatsanddogs.org.

Sunday 21st of April 2013: PAD annual Spring Fair will be held on April 21st in Mijas for more information email: info@padcatsanddogs.org.

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Wednesday: Wednesday night is QUIZ NIGHT with the excellent quiz master Marco Nardone, entrance is only €2 and first prize is nothing less than a bottle of VEUVE CLICQUOT CHAMPAGNE - IGLÚ CHILL LOUNGE, El Pilar, Estepona.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera.

Call for moe information on: 685 448 083.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know…

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email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com phone: 951 216 131

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

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Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

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Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

01/04/2013: April Fools Day & Easter Monday (Bank Holiday)

23/04/2013: St. George's Day

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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Strangebuttrue...

AGE DEFYING TURRITOPSIS, A.K.A. THE IMMORTAL JELLYFISH...

The Turritopsisis jellyfish is probably the most interesting creature you have never heard of.

The jellyfish has the ability to AGE IN REVERSE! The jellyfish will age to maturity, where it will go through a process called “transdifferentiation” and will start reversing, growing younger until it reaches its earliest stage of development, then start its life cycle all over again. At their largest they grow to 4.5 millimeters!

KEY TO PROVERBIAL FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH? So, can we learn anything from these 4.5 millimeter beings that might help us achieve our own immortality? Dr. Kevin J. Peterson, a molecular paleobiologist says “There’s a shocking amount of genetic similarity between jellyfish and human beings.”

The premier scientist that has dedicated his life to studying these tiny creatures is Shin Kubota. For they past 15 years he has tended to the only Turritopsisis in captivity- all handily kept in petri dishes in his refrigerator. Kubota says, “Once we determine how the jellyfish rejuvenates itself, we should achieve very great things. My opinion is that we will evolve and become immortal ourselves.”

Sign us up, thanks science!

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costalets

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tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 82 96 31 www.costalet.com Minerva Complex (inside, at its back), 29630 Benalmádena Costa

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rentals Benalmadena (elie: 634 820 748)

renovated studio minerva 300€ pcm - 1 Bed penthouse santanGelo 350€ pcm 1 Bed arroyo de la miel 350€ pcm 2 Bed/2 Bath modern Grounfloor top arroyo 500€ pcm 2 Bed 2nd line Beach near BonanZa 500€ pcm and some more lonG term rentals…

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during April.....

Capricorn

Capricorn, the first part of April 2013 will be slightly domesticated. You and your partner might be preoccupied with issues that are strictly related to the accommodation (moving, redecorating, renting or buying place to live). After the 20th of April if you are single you’ll be falling in love if attached you’ll be having great times within a relationship. On the work and finance front a lot of attention will go to the issues of a real estate: accommodation, land, premises. You'll struggle a lot, no matter if it's about redecorating, building, arranging or making transactions. You should avoid excesses of any kind health wise this. Why not go on a shopping spree it's high time you changed something around the house or replaced some things with new ones.

Aquarius

Aquarius, Jupiter is in Aquarius house of love, things are hotting up for the next three months.

Take full advantage of this generous romantic enthusiasm and sexual drive. April 2013 will be a month of encounters and communication. It'll be all about conversations, e-mails, text messages and other kinds of notes declaring LOVE. On the work and finance front you will be very active, dynamic and full of initiative. You'll have a lot to do, you'll start all sorts of procedures, you may struggle but you will meet and talk to various people. You will be at advantage take time thinking before reaching a verdict or signing off any documents. You’ll be prone to getting stressed this month take care traveling or when handling potentially dangerous objects.

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 74

Mercury, the ruler of Pisces relationships, making the theme of relationships permanently present around you. You might fall in love, or spend more time with the partner; you'll feel the need to share everything with the person by your side, to have common initiatives or joint activities. Financial preoccupations will be a characteristic of April 2013 - You'll calculate, build financial strategies, consider investing or purchasing something important and talk about it, act together in this direction. After April 15th 2013, Mercury will bring energy concentrating on finding new sources of income or for developing the existing ones, for carrying out transactions, acquisitions, allocating funds or other financial procedures. You'll benefit from inner strength and balance that will support you. Overall it's time you paid more attention to your family and home.

Aries, April 2013 will be a fun filled month, full of new experience and fun. Venus will be encouraging love and tenderness, Mars will be encouraging lust, Uranus brings surprise, and the Sun brings highlight to everything. You'll have devastating magnetism, which will seduce or conquer almost by itself.

Everything will be top-level in the first half of April 2013, with a peak around the date of 7th. Most of the charm will fade away after April 15th, and after the 20th you'll come back to a state of normality. If you already have a relationship you care about, it's time you brought something new to the party, if you are single now is the time to get yourself noticed! The financial part of your chart is strongly highlighted and 15th to the 20th April 2013 will be favored by the stars. You'll have a lot of energy and you'll overflow with vitality this month Spring has sprung for you Aries…

Taurus, the first two weeks of April may bring frustrations, disappointments, and failures.

Sometimes you might get the impression that your efforts are in vain, that your partner doesn't give you enough attention, and that they are drifting away. On April the 15th matters of the heart will change: Venus, the planet of love, affection and harmony, will enter Taurus, and you'll move on to a new phase, happier and more fulfilled. At work in the first part of April 2013, the probability of achieving some roaring successes will be low. On April 20th 2013, the Sun and Mars will enter Taurus, energetic, efficient and ready to get down to work. You'll catch up; gain advantages and advance greatly during this time. Rest and take it easy this month you'll soon find that you gain your strength back in a miraculous way.

Gemini, Venus the ruler of Gemini's relationships, wants you to socialise a lot, getting out there will create favorable circumstances not only to having fun, but also to love. You might experience an interesting sentimental episode on the occasion of a reunion or another public event. With the ruler of your house of couples, Jupiter, in Gemini, your relationships will acquire special importance for a longer period of time this month. In the second part of April 2013, even though you don't benefit from Venus' support any more, the good relationship between Jupiter and Mercury (Gemini's ruler) is a guarantee that things are either hotting up an existing love or finding a new flame. On the work front expect new opportunities to appear, you will find yourself embarking on a new adventure. The second part of April 2013 could bring you profit both by chance or maybe with a bit of moonlighting.

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Cancer

Leo

Cancer, the general climate doesn't seem to change in April 2013. Located in Cancer's affectiverelational houses, Saturn and Pluto will aim at the same standards: they still long for perfection and they seem to be as unwilling to make compromises as before. One way or another, you are not comfortable with the relationship you have, and now is not the time to be looking for love. You'd like something deeper, more commitment, and your other half to take more responsibility. Your chance is by the side of somebody of the same nature as you, with the same demands. At work it's time you took action and fought for reaching your objectives. You’ll have forces behind the scenes giving you all energy this month. Organize yourself in such a way as to have enough time left for rest and relaxation! You’ll need it it’s nearly summer.

Leo, throughout the month of April, the Sun will be in conjunction with Venus the planet of love and with Mars the planet of desire. This configuration has a clear, unambiguous message: April 2013 will be a month of passion. You'll be full of sex appeal with a devastating effect! If you happen to have a crush on somebody, it'll now be the time to go for it. If you fall in love this will be it - a keeper. On the work front you’ll need to take action in a very determined way this month seeing advance considerably in status and also in the eyes of your colleges. April may bring about a business trip or a trip on an educational purpose and there could come collaboration opportunities with somebody from far away or with an institution from abroad. Beware, though this month is also a time to take it easy and don't take any risks – they may come back to bite you!

Virgo

Virgo, April sees you being motivated by the same need for romanticism and by the same powerful instinct-based drive that often manages to amaze your reason. In the first part of April 2013 you might worry more than usual, you'll analyze, deduce and maybe turn your hand to some investigation even taking the role of a private eye. Maybe you'll solve a mystery or find out a secret. The Sun, Mars, Venus and Uranus will join forces in order to focus your interest on the area of business, investment and acquisitions, with banks, insurance companies or other such institutions. It'll be the right time for you get a sponsorship or some non-refundable financing. Don't borrow more than you can handle! Your vitality will gradually come back in the second part of April 2013, but you will only reach the top shape in May.

Libra

Libra, hold on, as you're in for an unusual period! In the first part of April 2013, Uranus has been spicing up your love life for a couple of years. It's an agent of novelty, changes, experiments and surprises. At the same time: the passionate, fierce and active Mars, the loving and seducing Venus and the bright Sun, highlighting everything. These planets have all been gathering making things go crazy at times this month. Expect some passionate love stories, fabulous romantic episodes, and surprising encounters.

Professionally April 2013 will first and foremost be a month of partnerships and contracts. Resulting in new collaborations and relationships or agreements bringing older partnerships and contracts back to discussion.

Don't rush when communicating to the others, behave wisely and tactfully!

Scorpio

Scorpio, in the first half of April 2013, almost all the energy coming from passion will be invested in work or maybe a workplace romance - depending on your relationship status. The second part of the month will see the love returning to your sign. April 15th to the 19th Venus will bring you a romantic event full of enthusiasm and passion. This month you'll fully commit to your work. It's as if you had to do something that you take a lot of interest in or you feel very passionate about. You'll invest energy, drive and time. Your efforts will be recognized and appreciated; you'll be shown trust. You may be assigned special tasks, which only you can carry through. On the health front you’ll be the center of attention throughout the whole month in April 2013. Beware of work-related incidents or accidents!

Sagittarius

At a sentimental level, Sagittarius will be one of the most favored signs in April 2013. The stars will join each other in helping you find love. The capacity to get involved sentimentally will be unlimited; your powers of magnetism will reach the top of the tree. Under these circumstances, love can happen any time, manifesting itself powerfully, in an explosive, enthusiastic and daring way. Beware though if love comes upon you, take a deep breath, get ready and assess the situation to see how far you can afford to go. April 2013 will be the ideal period for trying to promote or launch a new product. Your powers of expression will be extremely useful if you happen to have a creative-artistic job. Try some physical activities this month; get on a bike or some roller skates, swimming or go to the gym. Have fun! Don't waste any moment of your spare time!

Puzzle It Out

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Crossword

Sudoku

Solutions on page 92 Across: 1 Fast food for German citizens (10) 7 Old song: "Crazy About a Girl" (8) 8 Face turned or put down (4) 9 Make a move in prison (4) 10 Arrested, having committed a theft (7) 12 Soldier looks at detectives (7,4) 14 Is inquisitive about seven great things? (7) 16 Birds as seen around Britain (4) 19 Wide smile gives support (4) 20 Greek in Northern Ireland entertained by Anthea Turner? (8) 21 Captain Kirk's starship business (10) down: 1 Many piles (5) 2 Name of chap taking one drink (7) 3 Press some courgettes (4) 4 Swift traveller (8) 5 Some are licensed to provide a souvenir (5) 6 Interior coverings for ships (6) 11 Bearing the cost of sending goods (8) 12 Bird beginning to peck sweetheart (6) 13 The vowel sounds we make?

(3,3,1) 15 Evil spirit seen for a short time in the study (5) 17 Severely criticise roofing material (5) 18 Cover thrown over hot fellow (4)

Brain Teaser

BE CAREFUL WHICH ONE YOU CHOOSE...

You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls and instructs you to divide the 100 marbles into the two bowls.

You can divide them however you want as long as all the marbles are in the bowls. You will be blindfolded and the bowls and marbles will be throughly mixed. You will then choose a single marble from one of the bowls. If the marble is white, you live. Black and you will be put to death.

How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a white marble?

Say What You See...

sob, sob, sob, sob, sob, sob, sob, sob sob, sob, sob, sob

76

WILLOW

FUNNY FUNNY

words words words words

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F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

We didn’t Budget for this...

The Chancellor has now played his hand and revealed his Budget and we now know that the deficit this year will be £123.2bn. Gross domestic product, which grew by a negligible 0.2% in 2012, is forecast to expand by 0.6% this year and by 1.8% in 2014. Needless to say, those growth projections are lower than they were when they were last wheeled out in the Autumn Statement. Elsewhere in the speech were the usual selection of tax cuts and stimulus measures which have been well-documented. It was not the Budget for growth that we predicted but "a Budget for people who aspire to work hard and get on", "a Budget for an aspiration nation" and "a Budget for a Britain that wants to be prosperous, solvent and free".

Investors didn't know quite what to make of it but they had great fun trying to come to a decision before, during and after the 54-minute speech. During the London session Cable ranged across one and a half US cents and the pound covered more than one euro cent. The Chancellor did not shift the emphasis of the Monetary Policy Committee (MPC) from inflation to growth (although he did say the MPC's remit was up for discussion).

The minutes of the March MPC meeting did not show any increase in the number of members voting for more asset purchases. The employment data did not show an increase in either the rate of unemployment or the number of jobseekers. There was plenty that could have gone wrong for the pound but none of it did.

In the eurozone just when we thought matters were settling up pops the issue in Cyprus who have to find around 5 billion euros before receiving the bailout from the ECB etc. Its now well documented that all Cypriot bank account holders were asked to pay however the government voted against this and now finds itself in a position of potentially running out of cash and leaving the country bankrupt, by the time you read this however the answer will have been found.

Better news for the zone shows consumer confidence improving and investors still liking Spanish and Italian bonds Exchange rates over the month have been High Low £ to $ 1.5473 1.4849 £ to Euro 1.1744 1.1357 Euro to $ 1.3385 1.2858

To get more for your money contact our preferred currency specialist Moneycorp by ringing 952587657 and quote The Costa Link

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

One sunny afternoon, t wo blondes were walking through the woods. While they were on the trail, they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey look, deer tracks!" The other blonde said, "Those aren't deer tracks, they're bear tracks." While they were arguing over whether they were bear or deer tracks, they got hit by a train.

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.

I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

Q: What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A: A BABOOM!!!!

A biker went to a bar and ordered a beer. As he sat sipping his beer, a lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He, thought about this for a bit then replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley when she was pregnant with me, then as a little boy I rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker.

80

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, in fact everything seems to make me think of women."

Then she got up and left.

The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"

Without thinking he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Q: Why did the nurse tip-toe to the cupboard?

A: So she didn’t wake the sleeping pills Longevity: Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

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join us on our main page

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April 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 3/21/13 4:18 PM Page 84

Women Drivers...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about womendrivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil bitches.

Don't mess with them.

84

666 089 427

private buyer

Guide...

BAR & RESTAURANT

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INDIA LUCIA Indian Cuisine in Andalucia

Good Quality, Quality, Great Value Value Calle Jerez Urb. Torrenue Torrenueva T orrenueva

Tel: T el: 951 40 76 95

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Golden Sun

Harrys Sports Bar

Catering for AGM’s and Parties with group discounts.

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu.

Special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday.

Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

Mama Nostra

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant Call: 951 216 131

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 22 & 76

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Weeping Willow Two Funny for Words

Brain Teaser

Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks).

This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with one white marble and living. Even if you choose the other bowl, you still have an almost 50% chance of picking one of the 49 white marbles. There are no guarantees in life, but this is your best bet at surviving.

Trivia Quiz Answers

1) The X Factor (he was runner up in 2009).

2) Elephant 3) Adele 4) Full Monty 5) Norman Watts 6) Elizabeth 1 7) Polo 8) North Sea 9) Barbie Girl 10) Touché 11) Polo 12) South Pacific 13) Candlestick Maker 14) 2 15) Maple 16) Christine Bleakley 17) Methane 18) Wallace & Gromit 19) Persian 20) Water 21) Red 22) Italy 23) Race Horse 24) Duck 25) Wizard 26) Ice 27) Queensland 28) Helicopter 29) Wembley Stadium 30) Canada

teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time.

Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with?

Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

92

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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