Costa Link Magazine August 2013

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August 2013 No77

Jokes Kids Page READY FOR THE BEACH? See PAGE 6

fun visit tic ge 40

fanta or see s

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The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

Local Info Horoscopes Puzzles & Quizzes What’s On Guide

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Why not go for a dip!

Wow a new Royal Heir, A big contrats to William and Kate on the birth of their Baby Boy!

I hope you are enjoying the hot weather that August has to bring, have you ever seen so many sunburnt people around? Maybe they have been put off using the cream after all the bad press that one particular brand has got recently – don’t they realise that other brands are available?

As for me, I prefer to keep in the shade – with a nice cold beer to cool me down and maybe an ice cream or two, I love relaxing in the summer!

If you fancy a bit of revelling this month, get yourself along to the Malaga Ferria, it’s a really great time, a traditional Spanish Ferria with lots of dancing and merriment and its huge, it must be one of the best in Spain.

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Guide

W ha t’ s On

Puzzles

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TH E JOKES PA GE

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com 60

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Woman’s World It’s all about us girls!

A terrible accident had occured...

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain..." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure.We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used......"

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HOT GOSS!

WHY PRINCE HARRY WILL BE THE BEST UNCLE EVER...

The royal baby may already have more money than all of us combined plus palaces and crowns and cool solid gold cots, but the main reason we are so jealous of him (yes, we’re jealous of a baby) is that he will have the coolest uncle ever in the world ever in the form of Prince Harry. And why is Prince Harry the coolest uncle ever in the world ever? The royal baby will probably know what a Nebuchadnezzar of champagne is before his 18th birthday thanks to Prince ‘cool uncle’ Harry, who will be pouring it from the balconies, pouring it straight into his mouth without even pausing to put it in a glass, pouring it into dog bowls and throwing it in the air. COOL UNCLE. Prince Harry did ‘something’ in the Army once, and now has basically unlimited access to cool war stuff like tanks. Late to school? GO IN THE TANK. Fancy a late-night Pepperami from the corner shop? GO IN THE TANK. Prince ‘second, less important prince’ Harry doesn’t have to really do the same number of royal things that his brother William does, which frees up way more of his summer for ‘going to festivals and getting hugely ritzed’. He hung out with Rolling Stones at Glastonbury, then went and partied with Mumford & Sons in the Olympic Park. He even knows Mollie King out of The Saturdays. COOL UNCLE. He will also help the new little prince if he gets stuck finding a costume for a fancy dress party (enough said)!

Harry has been linked with a string of ladies, both posh and civilian, and was blatantly pictured chatting up Pippa Middleton at his brother’s wedding. If you ever need help pulling, Prince Harry’s your man. We love you Uncle Harry!

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HOT GOSS!

PETER ANDRE AND EMILY MACDONAGH EXPECTING A BABY TOGETHER...

Emily is due to give birth early next year, and both Pete and Emily are thrilled at the prospect of becoming parents together. Pete is already dad to son Junior, eight, and daughter Princess, six, and still remains close to his former stepson Harvey, 11. The addition of his new baby with Emily will see his family grow, which is just fine with Mysterious Girl singer who wants a big family.Pete is thrilled. He has always wanted a big family - originally he wanted about six kids - and he and Emily are really excited. Just don't expect Pete and Emily to do any major interview about the pregnancy. This time, Pete wants to keep this part of his personal life private.

WILL THEY WON”T THEY?!?!

We feel like we’re watching a romantic film with this one, will they get back together? Won’t they?

Lewis Hamilton tweeted an emotional late-night message suggesting he wants to get back with Nicole Scherzinger. The Formula 1 star split from the 35-yearold X Factor judge just last month. The 28-year-old told his 1.6m, and counting, Twitter followers, “If you’ve found that special someone, don’t EVER let them go no matter what!! “Nothing in this world is more important.” It seems the couple are both a little bit lonely without each other. We forget, why did you break up again? The couple blamed their jet-setting filled careers for splitting after six years. They have separated twice before and patched things up. Do you think they could get back together?

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OLD LADY DRIVERS

Waiting in a lay by ready to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car pottering along the A22 at well under the 30 mile per hour limit.

He thinks to himself for a minute..........

"This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his twos and blues and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seats and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly, twenty-two miles an hour!" .......the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that A22 is the road number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We've just come off the A120."

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13 New Words 13 Words That Don't Exist, But Defiantly Should

AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after

booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

GREETING ORBIT: When you're with someone and run into an acquaintance of his/hers. They exchange greetings, which leads to a conversation, and you stand there smiling like a dummy wondering if you'll ever be introduced.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical

adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the

toilet after your tenth pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Which tennis player won the men’s Wimbledon final in 2013?

2) On which island is Osbourne House (the home of Queen Victoria)?

3) According to the proverb, when should you not count your chickens?

4) Was Snow White and the 7 dwarfs released before or after World War II? 5) Whose Saints Day is 17th March?

6) What is the county town of Dorset?

7) Who was the original presenter of Mastermind?

8) Where was Douglas Adam’s hitchhikers guide to?

9) What is a ‘Spinney’?

10) What is the opposite of an acid?

11) Which mobile phone company shares its name with a fruit?

12) What is a young single Spanish lady called?

13) What was the name of the ship that the Pilgrim fathers set sail for America in?

14) Which soccer side had a hit with ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’?

15) The Anaconda snake is native to which continent?

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16) Which TV sitcom was based around self-sufficiency in Surbiton?

17) Forrest Gump described life as like a box of what?

18) A musical note is lowered by a ‘flat’, but what is it raised by?

19) What cheese shares its name with an English Gorge?

20) Sardines and pilchards belong to which family of fish?

21) Who wrote the Marriage of Figaro?

22) The golfer Tiger Woods is from which country?

23) What is the highest mountain in the Alps?

24) Chris Eubank is famous for which sport?

25) Which drink did Michael Portillo advertise as a child?

26) Which zodiac sign does a crab represent?

27) What are the bars of a xylophone usually made from?

28) Whose catchphrase is "Nice to see you, to see you?"

Answers on page 76

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HITTING THE JACKPOT!

A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money.

She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!"

The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "€165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you €25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet €25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "€25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "€25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him €100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"

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13 New Words 13 Words That Don't Exist, But Defiantly Should

NOCIALIZING: The act of being out in a social public setting (i.e. Restaurant, Cocktail Bar, Coffee shop) and only spending time on your mobile device; not the people with or around you.

MYSTERY TAXI:

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

OH-NO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a big mistake (e.g. you've hit ‘reply all’).

PRINGLELINGUS: The act performed on a can of Pringles when pouring the chips

directly from the can into your mouth; especially when using your tongue to get the last few pieces.

SWAMP-DONKEY: A deeply unattractive person.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on

everything, and then leaves.

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking b******s.

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IT ALL STARTED ON THE GOLF COURSE

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.” “Sure,” they said, “You're welcome.” So they started playing, enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?” “I'm a hit man,” was the reply. “You're joking!”

Was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?""I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand pounds every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his d#ck off to teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the golfer impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I could save you a grand here....."

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A Man’s World

LADS HOLIDAY OFFICIAL POINTS SYSTEM...

The official LADS holiday point system. One shall attempt to gain maximum points. The LAD who is first by the last night shall be granted a reward decided by the LADS. The loser shall be given a forfeit that he must abide by for the last night. Points can only be acquired once regardless of how many times the action has been made. Enjoy LADS....

1 pointers • Have sex • Chunder dragon (While in the process of projectile chundering due to excessive alcohol consumption, flapping your arms up and down so that you look like a dragon.)

• Enter the beach/pool wearing a Mankini • Be fined from the hotel • Pull a 8/10 must be certified by the LADpack

/5

2 Points • • • • •

Pull during the day Skinny dip during the day Seek ginger people and offer sun cream (at least 3 to obtain points) Pull the largest wench in the club - Must be certified by the LADpack Pulling the ugliest wench on the holiday - Must be certified by the LADpack

/10

continued next month...

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Medical Tips

Prepare Yourself For The Summer Sun...

Become Mole Aware!

Enjoying the sun and the warm temperatures that we are lucky enough to experience here on the coast mean that we have to take extra precautions to protect our skin. Living in the south of Spain, we have to ensure that our raised exposure to the sunlight does not cause serious damages to our skin.

Principally almost everybody has the posibility to develop a darker pigmentation to the skin, we get tanned after being in the sun, some more than others, this is related to our skin type.

The skin pigmentation is our natural sun protection. The melanocytes, staying upon the basalmembran get stimulated by the UV-A and UV-B radiation, they produce more melanin (which is the colour) and with their "tentacles " they are able to divide the melanin to the surrounding epidermal cells. The melanin is placed right above the nucleus and it works like a parasol, trying to avoid damage to your DNA. So it is easy to understand, that a person, who is not able to build up a strong pigmentation has a lesser natural protection against the UV-radiation. Apart from that homogen pigmentation of our skin almost everybody has some pigmented lesions, called birthmarks, moles, nevus, lentigines and so on.

We could write a textbook on pigmented moles as it is difficult to explain and distinguish between the different types of pigmented moles, in a consise way. However, we wanted to give you some ideas / advice on how to look at any pigmented lesions you may have and how to act in a responsable way, in terms of checking these out and if necessary getting treatment.

When we take a look at the benign pigmented moles, we find that nearly all of them are round or oval, in a symmetric aspect, they have sharp and clear border, most of them are only one colour, there diameter (of each mole) is not more than 6mm and there is not any change to the thickness or size of the mole.

In the last decade evidence shows a worldwide increase of melanoma. In the year 2000 the risk factor of melanomas was 1 in 75. The majority of the melanomas show an initial superficial spreading and in the second stage they grow deeper into the tissue. We can see a very important trend, the vertical thickness of the melanoma is a reliable marker for the risk of sending metastasis to the rest of the body.

It is clear that early diagnosis is the most important thing and indeed, if we remove melanomas with less than 1 mm thickness ("low risk melanomas") it has been found that the healing rate is up to 95% in patients.

The key to all of this is that you are aware of any changes and that you follow the simple ABCDE guidelines (as detailed earlier). Remember that in the initial stages skin cancer (melanomas) never have any symptoms such as pain or itching, they just grow.

Here are some examples of pigmented tumors, for you to use with the ABCDE guide: Picture 1: Pigmented nodule: showing several colors, loss of structure.

Suspicous to be a nodular melanoma or a pigmented basalioma

Picture 2: Superficial increased pigmented lesion: showing different colors, diffuse and curved margin, secundar development of a nodular part. Suspicious to be a superficial spreading melanoma with a secundar nodular part.

Picture 3: Pigmented mole in a deep brown: showing a loss of pigmentation and structure in the middle. Curved spreading margin, suspicious to be a superficial spreading melanoma

All these parameters (mentioned above) are reflected in the ABCDE-rule, which is a very good method for you the reader to become more aware of any moles you may have:

Picture 4: Pigmented lesion with several colors: has a loss of structure and pigmentation, diffused margin, it is suspicous to be a initial melanoma developed on a dysplastic nevus

Sometimes we can see moles with a different apperance: not symmetric, unsharp border´s, many colors or larger than 6mm.

These moles need to be examined.

In these instances it means that the normal structure of the nevus has changed, the cells are showing irregular cell division.

You can find that this can happen with a family history ("syndrom of dysplastic nevus") but also without a family history.

Dr. Kuhn, is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and a leading Dermatlogist with clinics in both Marbella & Fuengirola. For more information on Dr. Kuhn or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76.

A: Asymmetry B: Border C: Color D: Diameter E: Elevation and / or Enlargement

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The dysplastic nevus is suspicous to be a precursor of a melanoma, so it should be removed by minor surgery and then sent away for analysis.

Before the summer sun and UV rays intensify, now is the perfect time to get any moles you may have checked out by your healthcare professional.

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THE NUN & THE HOSPITAL BILL...

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in La Ca単ada.

The store assitant calls 112 when they see him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the local hospital where he has emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He wakes up from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!

Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

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ONLY AN AUSSIE!

Three Aussies were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Bluey. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”

Bluey says, “OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.” Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters Beer. Bruce says, “Where did you get that, Bluey?” “Steve's wife gave it to me,” Bluey replies. “That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?” “Well not exactly,” Bluey says. “When she answered the door, I said to her “You must be Steve's widow.” She said, “No, I'm not a widow.” and I said, “I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are!”

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish. Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into Fosters!" The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

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ONLY AN AUSSIE!

A bloke’s wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, “Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news.” “Well,” says the bloke, “I guess I’d better have the bad news first.” The Sarge says, “I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.” The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, “Well when we got your wife up, there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.” He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. “Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?” “Well,” the Sarge says, “if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!”

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

50

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

CLM©2008

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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Le Computer?

La Computer?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."

"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

Continued on page 56....

52

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GET ON YOUR SOAP BOX!

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Jaguar Super Charged

Williams Bullet

Last month The Goodwood Festival of Speed re-introduced the Soap Box Challenge. An idea that started in American in the 1930’s known as the Soapbox Car Derby. All the Karts at Goodwood were made between 2000 and 2004 by well known car makers, The rules were, all karts had to be powered by gravity, the carts had to be 170cm long by 75cm wide, weigh no more than165 kg including the driver and the total build cost must not exceed £1000.

Some of the drivers originally included Stirling Moss, Barry Sheene, Tiff Needell, Vicky Butler-Henderson and Jay K. We take a look at some of the karts that ran this year.

Cosworth D.F.V

Audi AR2 Rolls Royce Typhoon

Cooper T91

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Le Computer?

La Computer?

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine order ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic...

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

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Summer pudding

This quintessentially British pud, packed with juicy summer berries, is so much easier than it looks, perfect for beginners

Ingredients:

Method:

• 300g strawberries • 250g blackberries • 100g redcurrants • 500g raspberries or 1¼kg/2lb 12oz mixed berries • 175g golden caster sugar • 7 slices day-old white bread, from a square, medium-cut loaf

1) Bring out the juices: Wash fruit and gently dry on kitchen paper – keep strawberries separate. Put sugar and 3 tbsp water into a large pan. Gently heat until sugar dissolves – stir a few times. Bring to a boil for 1 min, then tip in the fruit (not strawberries). Cook for 3 mins over a low heat, stirring 2-3 times. The fruit will be softened, mostly intact and surrounded by dark red juice. Put a sieve over a bowl and tip in the fruit and juice.

2) Prepare the bread: Line the 1.25-litre basin with cling film as this will help you to turn out the pudding. overlap two pieces in the middle of the bowl as it’s easier than trying to get one sheet to stick to all of the curves. Let the edges overhang by about 15cm. Cut the crusts off the bread. Cut 4 pieces of bread in half, a little on an angle, to give 2 lopsided rectangles per piece.

Cut 2 slices into 4 triangles each and leave the final piece whole.

3) Build the pud: Dip the whole piece of bread into the juice for a few secs just to coat. Push this into the bottom of the basin.

Now dip the wonky rectangular pieces one at a time and press around the basin’s sides so that they fit together neatly, alternately placing wide and narrow ends up. If you can’t quite fit the last piece of bread in it doesn’t matter, just trim into a triangle, dip in juice and slot in. Now spoon in the softened fruit, adding the strawberries here and there as you go.

4) Let flavours mingle then serve: Dip the bread triangles in juice and place on top – trim off overhang with scissors. Keep leftover juice for later. Bring cling film up and loosely seal. Put a side plate on top and weight down with cans. Chill for 6 hrs or overnight. To serve, open out cling film then put a serving plate upside-down on top and flip over. serve with leftover juice, any extra berries and cream.

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M

a

g

a

z

i

n

e

To advertise in the most popular A5 magazine on the Costa del Sol with rates starting at 35â‚Ź call: 951 216 131 email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com

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What’Guide s On

17th - 24th August: The annual Malaga fair in August is an exuberant week-long street party with plenty of flamenco and 'fino'(sherry). By night the place to be is the big purpose built Fair Ground, set just on the edge of the city. There are shuttle buses laid on from the centre of the city. From around 9.00 p.m.

23rd July - 24th August: Starlite Festival is celebrated in Marbella from the 23rd of July until the 24th of August at Cantera de Nagüeles, a quarry turned auditorium. For more information or to book tickets see: www.starlitefestival.com.

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, nr Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771.

Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Age Care’s Advice Centre, Doña Lola, Calahonda, Mijas Costa Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Click here for more details.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Thursday: New Flea Market (Secondhand and Crafts) from 09.00 - 14.00 next to Aldi Supermarket in Las Lagunas, plenty of free parking Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola.

Every Sunday : BBQ at La Luna, Campo Mijas, Mijas Costa, Fabulous food in lovely garden surroundings at this award winning family run restaurant, eat as much as you like for 15€. Call 952 588 036 for bookings and info from 7pm.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00.

Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know…

email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com phone: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669

SUMMER SCHOOL MONDAY 26th AUGUST Why not let your children have a really fun week with us? Four hours a day from Monday 26th August to Friday 30th August in our studio in Puerto Banus where they will sing, dance and act and finally perform for you on the Friday on a real stage.

If your children are aged between 6 and 12 then let us entertain them for this week for just 10 euros an hour. Siblings half price. Now in our 17th year this summer school is the most fun on the coast. Book online at www.marbellastageschool.com or call 952 906 865 NOW. 60

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666 089 427

private buyer

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

62

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

8th August: Local Holiday.

La Virgen de la Victoria is the patron saint of Malaga, a holiday is celebrated in her honour.

15th August: A National Holiday. Asuncion de la Virgen everywhere in Spain

17th - 24th August: Malaga Feria. See the what’s on guide for more info.

26th August: Summer Bank holiday (UK)

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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Strangebuttrue...

TORNADO TOURISM: THRILL-SEEKING TREND ON RISE A series of deadly US tornadoes have not dampened people's appetite for storm chasing - with Britons especially keen to sign up. A summer of deadly twisters has not discouraged British tourists from signing up for storm-chasing holidays in America's Tornado Alley. Roger and Caryn Hill, who run Silver Lining Tours from Denver, Colorado, say around 30% of their thrill-seeking clients, are from the UK. The husband and wife team run six-day weather stalking tours, often covering thousands of miles across several states in a convoy of vans, each marked with impressive hailstone dents. In 25 years of weather hunting, Roger has seen and captured hundreds of tornadoes on camera. A twister has yet to surface on this latest mission, but Roger's appetite for any form of dramatic weather is insatiable and infectious. UK tourists spend around ÂŁ2,000 to join Silver Lining Tours for some high impact, adrenaline pumping storm chasing. It sounds and looks fun, but these situations can quickly turn deadly - even for the most experienced chasers. Roger's close friend and established meteorologist Tim Samaras was among the dozens killed by the series of lethal tornadoes that crashed through the Midwest this summer. Roger says: "It hit real close to home. He always said 'If I get killed by one of these damned things, it had better be an EF5'. And, lo and behold, he was killed by an EF5 and it was the most violent kind of tornado there is."

The people who take these tours usually have backgrounds that are as varied as the weather they hunt. What binds them is a fascination with the elements - as long as there's a storm, their desire to chase will be irrepressible. For more information or if you fancy chasing a tornado see: http://www.silverliningtours.com

Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

Mama Nostra

64

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during August.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 66

Capricorn Wow, there's so much passion! With Mars and Jupiter in your sign you'll have an extraordinary enthusiasm regards all your relationships (You might have experienced something similar in the summer of 2002, if you remember.) Mars is passionate, impulsive, full of desire and ready for action.

Jupiter is greedy, has enormous affective needs, and is full of enthusiasm and longs for adventure. Together, they have a huge power to attract and conquer, and are capable of all sort of crazy things when love comes around. On the work and finance front here's a month that promises! Chance, personal charm and connections could have a role in reaching success. August 2013 will be a very active month at the level of collaboration and partnerships. Financially, August 2013 will have good potential and could result in some extra income or in a most likely unexpected acquisition/investment.

Aquarius, knowing how to impose your point of view and how to support it, as well as knowing how to listen to the other one's opinion and respect their personality, might be the key that opens the door to happiness in August 2013. Now is a great time for discussing with the partner about anything, from issues of an emotional or spiritual nature, to current things or future projects. If you are single then now is a great time to meet someone special. This month there might be an event that will transform flings into a more serious relationship: maybe you'll be introduced to the parents, or maybe you’ll move in together. In your professional life this is the time that your enthusiasm will be reignited. August 2013 will have everything it needs so that it is a month of big professional and financial satisfactions. Check your priorities, have a daily agenda and stick to it!

Pisces, expect a splendid time this month, full of warmth, passion and glow. August 2013 will see your love life turning into a big party with champagne and fireworks. You may find yourself receiving all sorts of declarations and more or less indecent proposals. This month your life will awake, the world will seem more beautiful, and happiness will be easier to reach. Opportunities will become more favorable this month at work you'll have higher speed of reaction when you need to exploit them. In other words, you'll have the capacity to seize luck. In addition to luck, you'll also benefit from other resources.

You'll be in a good shape, meaning that you'll have energy to be envied for. This energy will overflow and will require to be guided into vigorous and concrete physical activities. Make sure you have some money put aside for unexpected situations!

Aries, There's something going on this month. Firstly, because the ruler of your sign, Mars, will be in the romantic sign of Cancer, you’ll be in a dreamy mood. Secondly, because the New Moon on August 7th will be directly in your sign this may bring a new love? Or maybe a bit of added spice in the bedroom! On August 16th Venus enters your sign this will bring your thoughts to love and relationships.

Venus promises openness a chance at seduction if you are single now is the time to mingle. Under this transit, your love life will flourish. Finally, on August 28th the passionate Mars will enter your sign meaning the last days of the month will be full of passion. On the home front you'll be building, redecorating or even moving out why not change your furniture, refurbish, set up your garden and maybe even relax a bit!

Find the balance between career and home/family this month…

Taurus, your home life seems to have lightened up after Jupiter's entrance in Cancer last month.

From now on, Saturn, located in Taurus' house of couples, will have two strong anchors (Jupiter in Cancer and Neptune in Pisces), which will help it remain in safe and friendly waters. Appropriately Saturn will not throw obstacles in your way anymore on the contrary, it could constructively contribute to building a stable and happy home life. If you are single now will be a great time to meet a reliable, trustworthy person whom you can count on and build a future with. On the work front you’ll be using a lot of mental energy you will need a lot of determination this month. Your head will be full of ideas, each of them bolder and more adventurous than the other. Generally speaking, anything that will be connected to the intellect will go very smoothly. Financially, you'll be better towards the end of the month.

Gemini, the first part of August 2013 seems to be a bit more restless. It's possible that some higher financial preoccupation will arise this month, your activities will oriented towards business and sales or other money-related initiatives. There might also be some discussions on material issues maybe a few disagreements on the home front regarding finances. You’re generally your not feeling the love at the moment. But not for long on August 16th Venus, the planet will be in your sign you can fall in love now, enjoy happy moments together with a dear one or you can simply have fun as much as you wish. On the finance front August will bring you a lot of money, but it can also lose measure, urge you to excessive expenses or to rash, hasty decisions, which can later prove to be unprofitable. The biggest challenge of August 2013 is, therefore, how to use the advantageous opportunities without taking risks.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, you'll have quite a temperament this month! With Jupiter and Mars in Cancer, in August 2013 adrenaline will overflow in your veins. You'll have lots of energy, and basic instincts will be impossible to stop. It'll be the time of the first step, of daring initiative, of naughty innuendoes and indecent proposals. You'll have no reserve in initiating a relationship; you'll have no reserve in answering challenges, which you seem to be waiting for, to welcome. Your experiences will be intense; your lust will require that it be immediately fulfilled. At work you'll have self-confidence and this will lend you the enthusiasm you'll need. You'll take action with conviction and determination, you'll react on the spot, and you'll manage admirably in crisis situations. Don't hurry! It would be a pity to get in any trouble on account of carelessness.

Leo, The Sun will be in your sign this month, you'll draw attention and light up every room you enter. August 2013 sees you investing a lot of passion in everything you do and that will come straight back at you think of yourself as Midas this month, everything you touch will turn to gold. However, don’t’ get carried away. Keep that famous practical sense working; carefully assess all aspects related to money, value, and efficiency. If you already have a steady relationship, the preoccupations related to home, family and money will most likely be at the top of priorities. If you have recently fallen in love or you're having an affair, the first part of August 2013 might be a bit more frustrating though everything will work its self out. All work you do will be well paid, there will be financial opportunities, and you may be offered bonuses. You'll be in a good physical shape and you'll have a lot of mental energy.

Virgo, the planetary configuration of August 2013 looks great for Virgo’s who are in love - or for the ones who want to fall in love. Jupiter and Neptune in your sign will emanate romanticism and lust. The first part of August 2013 will also be absolutely perfect because, in addition to everything else, through the sign of Virgo will pass Venus itself! Therefore, you have a wonderful month ahead of you the best month of 2013! Take full advantage of it. As the circumstances are very favorable, in August 2013 you can fearlessly get closer to the person who makes your heartbeat harder spend a dream-like month together. On the work and finance front your lofty ambitions will now start to prosper. All that hard work will start to be realised. It'll be a perfect period for collaboration all you have to do is explain what projects you have to people and ask them to get involved. Make new friends! The more, the better.

Libra, since Uranus has been in your sign since 2010 it has made life have some lively dynamics, often being marked by surprising turns. However, if you have managed to maintain a steady relationship in spite of this transit of Uranus, then your partner is probably the one going through unexpected events. Uranus has been especially active since the end of June 2013. The conclusion to this is: you'll be in for a challenging period, which can be exciting and rather risky at the same time. You might experience episodes of burning passion, crazy actions born out of love, as well as fierce fights or even separations. At work you’ll be feeling a lot of enthusiasm and energy this will lead to some remarkable accomplishments.

Financially speaking, August 2013 should be profitable. Do your best on the work front this month! You can advance a great deal and reap the rewards.

Scorpio, if we were to separate the old or official relationships from those in their beginning phase, therefore passionate and obligation-free, the latter type of relationships seem to be at an advantage as opposed to the former type in August 2013. If you're into an old or stable relationship, this could also develop nicely you’ll find yourself going out and having fun with the partner. At work August 2013 will be a very successful month the Sun and Mercury in your sign will bring honor and appreciation. Ambition will amplify you’ll make a good impression, you'll work hard and you'll continuously be under pressure this will just help you to shine in your own estimation. Regarding money, there shouldn't be any reason to complain, especially if you have a hold on those purse strings. Try and get some exercise in this month, eat healthy food and relax a little you deserve it!

Sagittarius, Mercury has come back into your sign after a slight retrograde it has slowly gained its speed back, meaning that relationships are finding there natural rhythm again. After the 8th of August, your life will change in a number of ways concerning love and cohabitation. Long-distance love or romantic trips will also fall in the sphere of interest. August will be the period in which you'll socialise and have the best fun of the year. On the career front Sagittarius and Venus will make your way smoother, will place you in convenient circumstances and will bless you with the bosses' and the authorities' benevolence. Sometimes accomplishments are owed to the personal charm or personal relationships. This time, it will be exactly vice versa: you can make some connections that will be useful later at the professional level. Don't spend more than you can afford and don't chase money that you haven't earned!

Puzzle It Out

August 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 7/23/13 6:32 PM Page 68

Crossword

Solutions on page 76 Across: 1. Game bird (6) 4. Control bar (5) 8. Subdued (5) 9. Unsettled (7) 10. Mysteries (7) 11. Distribute (4) 12. Label (3) 14. Avid (4) 15. Top (4) 18. Ram (3) 21. Water hole (4) 23. Places to learn (7) 25. Putative (7) 26. Lift (5) 27. Abominable Snowmen (5) 28. ______ Scissorhands, film (6) Down: 1. Boring tool, cocktail (6) 2. Not indoors (7) 3. Deposit (8) 4. Whip (4) 5. Utter (5) 6. Jacket (6) 7. Romantic meeting (5) 13. Collected (8) 16. Madonna album (7) 17. Score (6) 19. Hymn (5) 20. Belgian port (6) 22. Restrict (5) 24. Responsibility (4)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser WHO AM I?

You will know that I am coming From the jingle of my bell, But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.

Children, they adore me for they find me jolly, but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.

My job often leaves me frozen, I am a man that all should know, But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.

I travel much on business, But no reindeer haul me around, I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.

Say What You See...

68

c e m to et wn e r y

cover cover head cover cover

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August 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 7/23/13 6:32 PM Page 70

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

WHAT WILL THE NEW GOVERNOR OF THE BANK OF ENGLAND BRING?

Well, he has been at the helm since the 1st of July and Mr Mark Carney has already made an impression.

Sterling was looking good at the end of June, Mr Carney had a MPC meeting and spoke, he told the members that he was unhappy with rising bond yields in the UK, as this would lead to higher lending cost in the UK, this in turn sent Sterling lower. It also looks like interest rates will be on hold until the remainder of 2013. Mr Carney may also adopt further Q.E. (Printing of money) and this will surely send sterling lower. With Mr Carneys guidance on UK interest rates, could put sterling under pressure and we could see a range between 1.13-1.17 The IMF also upgraded the UKs outlook for 2013 to +0.9% - good news indeed.

The news out of Europe is mixed, good Manufacturing PMI's from Spain, resulting in a bit more confidence in the Spanish economy -(not if you saw Top Gear 14/07/2013) Interest rates will remain low in the Euro-zone and could drop lower. Italy's credit rating has been downgraded to BBB, 2 levels up from Junk! China is slowing down, and in the US - "will they, wont they stop Q.E.?" is the hot topic at the moment.

To find out how Moneycorp can help you achieve more on your currency exchange, contact them on 0034 952587 657 or email costalink@moneycorp.com

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back'.

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth... back and forth..... in and out.......

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.

She was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!!

You do it, you smug GIT!!!"

72

Two men are out just fishing quietly & drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, “I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.

She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.” Earl continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, “You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.”

A guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel.

He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough of life, and goes over and jumps out the window. Two men are sitting near by at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, drinks them and then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure again, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies, “It's simple, really.

There’s an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems.” Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just had to try this, so after one more swift shot for courage they jump out of the window and, land in a heap on the ground below. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says “Superman, you know, you can be a real git when you're drunk!”

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 68

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Dead Centre of Town Head for Cover

Brain Teaser

An Ice Cream Man

Trivia Quiz Answers

1) Andy Murray 2) Isle of Wight 3) Before they’ve hatched 4) Before 5) Patrick 6) Dorchester 7) Magnus Magnusson 8) The Galaxy 9) Small group of trees 10) Alkali 11) Orange 12) Senorita 13) Mayflower 14) West Ham United 15) South America 16) The Good Life 17) Chocolates 18) Sharp 19) Cheddar 20) Herring 21) Mozart 22) Cypress, California, United States 23) Mont Blanc 24) Boxing 25) Ribena 26) Cancer 27) Wood 28) Bruce Forsyth's

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