Costa Link Magazine December 2013

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December 2013 No81

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Business Directory What’s On Guide Puzzles & Quizzes Horoscopes Local Info Kids Page Jokes

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We wish you a Merry Christmas...

Another year goes flying by, It defiantly gets quicker every year, I am sure it was summer only a couple of weeks ago – I suppose we had a late finish to the summer which made up for the late start – remember all that wind in May and June? How will you remember 2013 was it good year for you?

Have you sent Santa a Christmas list? Here’s hoping you get what you have wished for – if you’ve been good that is! What ever you got up to, make sure you finish it well this month, there are Christmas parties and events everywhere and then it all runs into the new year celebrations – if you haven’t tried it yet, get your self along to orange square in Marbella just before midnight on the 31st and you won’t be disappointed.

r! a e Y w e N y p p a H a &

Have a great Christmas and drink responsibly.....

CAR PAGE

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Guide

W ha t’ s On

Puzzles

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TH E JOKES PA GE

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com 62

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT ADVERTISING FROM THE FOLLOWING BUSINESSES OR INDIVIDUALS: wMATTHEW JAMES REMOVALS

wWILLIAM “BREW” BLACKMER - KIDZ KINGDOM

wCLAUDE SEYFFERS - FINCA LA CAPUCINE, MIJAS

wFRENK KERENS - BICAR IMPORT/EXPORT SL, MIDOS 4

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 951 216 131

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A Woman’s World Ho,Ho,Ho...

I THINK SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN...

I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organised, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a bloke could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the shops, they always seem surprised to find only last year’s seconds, socket wrench sets, and Vaseline gift sets left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a gift certificate for Leroy Merlin under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: •Men can't pack a bag, sack, case to save their lives.

•Men would rather die than being caught wearing red velvet.

•Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

•Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

•Men don't answer their letters or mail.

•Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

I think I can defiantly rest my case that Santa is indeed a woman!!!

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HOT GOSS!

STRICTLY: CRAIG REVEL HORWOOD'S HOT FAVOURITE IS SUSANNA REID.... WHILE judges must remain impartial Strictly stalwart Craig Revel Horwood has revealed he does have a favourite for this year’s much coveted crown – and it’s none other than BBC newsreader Susanna Reid.

“I have a hunch that Susanna Reid could be lifting the glitterball trophy,” Craig, 48, says in his Strictly column in Woman magazine. “Seeing her dance each week and gauging the public’s reaction I think she’s a hot favourite. Susanna masters each dance, she owns the space, the sheer joy beams through her face. People like her because she is extremely intelligent and doesn’t moan. She says ‘thanks very much’ and gets on with it.”

JOEY ESSEX SET FOR HIS OWN ‘KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS’- STYLE REALITY SHOW... with Frankie Essex as Khloe and Chloe Sims as Kris Jenner. Anyway according to The Sun this is totally a thing that could happen, with ITV2 keen to keep ahold of Joey Essex and his simple, simple talents now he’s all but confirmed his plans to leave TOWIE. An insider said: “There are big plans for Joey when he is out of the jungle and talks are underway about creating a show with his family.“A lot of Joey’s family members already have a fan base so creating their own show could be a huge banker. Also in the works: an hour-long special where Joey jets off to Africa to play with monkeys. Seriously. It’s called Joey Essex Monkey Business.

Seriously. Yes. Seriously.

I'M A CELEB: IF JOEY ESSEX AND AMY WILLERTON DON’T WORK OUT JAMES ARGENT IS HAPPY TO STEP IN... James ‘Arg’ Argent is such a good friend. He’s offered to mop up his pal Joey Essex’ sloppy seconds if things don’t work out with Amy Willerton. Arg is a little bit jealous. “If it doesn’t work out with them two hopefully he’ll introduce me to her after”...

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December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:51 PM Page 12

HOT GOSS USA...

ROBERT PATTINSON MAY GO PUBLIC WITH KRISTEN STEWART AFTER THANKSGIVING… Even though Kristen Stewart is eager to tell the world about her rekindled relationship with Robert Pattinson, he is “adamant” that they keep their love under wraps, a source has told HollywoodLife.com.

Kristen, 23, and Rob, 27, endured a very painful and very public breakup, so it’s not surprising that Rob is worried about revealing their true feelings for each other. “Rob’s off to film his next movie right after Thanksgiving, so it’s not like he’s going to have to keep his relationship with Kristen a secret anyway,” the source says. “They plan on keeping in touch via Skype, etc. They have done the long-distance thing before.”

WILL SMITH STEPS IN AND GIVES JUSTIN BIEBER PEP TALKS… Justin Bieber has been causing a bit of a stir lately, with his rather wild antics during his Believe world tour, just when we thought most people had stopped caring, Will Smith has stepped in. According to the 19-year-old’s manager, Scooter Braun, the Men In Black Star is now speaking to Justin on a weekly basis to help keep him on the straight and narrow. Let’s hope someone can talk some sense into him.

BRANDI GLANVILLE CONFRONTS KYLE RICHARDS…The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is never short on drama. In season four, Brandi Glanville learns that Kyle Richards - in response to Mauricio Umansky cheating rumors has been talking about her “mean girl” antics. “I feel like I had given her a heads up about stories written about her husband, I gave her a heads up about it,” Brandi reveals in the new episode. “It just sucks to be called a bully in front of my children,” Brandi tells Kyle.

“Kyle fought off the rumors: “My husband and I are in love with each other. No tabloid or any group of mean girls can take that away from us.” The RHWBH always seem to be fighting we wonder how long this later spat will take to blow over…

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WHY THE LITTLE ANGEL IS ALWAYS AT THE TOP OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE!

On Christmas Eve Father Christmas was getting ready for his annual trip...... As he pulled his favorite pair of red trousers on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which were last years and slightly too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike, they felt they were being overworked and underpaid (Chinese-elves next year thought Santa). The reindeer had allsorts wrong with them, shin splints, bad hooves and various other aliments. At this point, Father Christmas was at boiling point. He went into the kitchen to have a calming drink just a little nip he thought, retrieving the bottle of whisky was difficult in it’s self due to the tightness of the trousers, he then discovered the bottle was empty Mrs. Claus had been at it again…. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door.

Father Christmas, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Then another. But he was in no mood for all of this.

When the another knock came again, Father Christmas, filled with rage threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, “Hello Mr. Christmas! What do you want me to do with this Christmas tree?”

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How to make the perfect Christmas cake... ingredients:



 1 cup of water  1 cup of sugar  4 Large brown eggs  2 cups of dried fruit  1 teaspoon of salt  1 cup of brown sugar  Lemon juice  MIXED Nuts 1 Very Large Bottle of whisky

Method:

1) Sample the whisky to check for quality.

2) Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again, to be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer.

3) Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.

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Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

4) Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something.

Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

5) Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed. After a heavy nights slumber, take a Nurofen, PANIC, go back to bed – later in the afternoon go to the shops and buy one… Much easier!

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) What type of vehicle would you find on the Cresta Run? 2) Where would you find a ‘useful junk’?

3) The Vatican City is within which other city?

4) The ‘Golden Gloves Championship’ relates to which sport?

5) Where would you be if you bumped into Mrs Goggins in the Post Office?

6) Who travelled from ‘Pole to Pole’ and ‘Around the World in 80 Days’?

7) Who have you betrayed if you commit treason?

8) Which scientific word relates to the structure of the human body?

9)According to the saying how will March go out if it came in like a lion?

10) What is the chemical symbol

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for Magnesium?

11) Who was the longest serving Dr Who? 12) What nationality was the diarist Anne Frank?

13) Which type of wind blows no good?

14) The Province of Flanders is in which country?

15) Who is Paul O’Grady’s blonde alter ego?

16) In gin rummy, how many cards are dealt to each player?

17) What is the epicarp of an orange?

18) Lime Street train station is in which city?

19) What type of fruit is a ‘jargonelle’?

20) Excess bile pigment in the blood causes which illness?

21) On which island was the Mafia founded?

22)Which is the largest of the Balearic Islands?

23)Which saint’s feast day is the 15th July?

24)Which animal does ‘vulpine’ describe – fox, badger or camel?

25) Which day of Royal Ascot is usually Ladies Day? 26) Which plants leaves taste of aniseed?

27) ‘Going Straight’ was the sequel to which television series?

28)If you ‘nictitate’ at someone, what do you do?

29) In which decade was the film Grease set?

30) Which ship was the first to send a SOS?

Answers on page 80

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The office party...

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 4 November 2013, RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time. However, no gift should be over €10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! The CEO will make a special announcement. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 5 November 2013, RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, although unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 6 November 2013, RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the union officials feel that €10.00 is too much money and management believes €10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline.

Continued on page 26....

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The office party... n’t co

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 7 November 2013, RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything? Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 8 November 2013, RE: The ****** Holiday Party Vegetarian jerks: I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday and life. Pauline, the Bitch from HELL! FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 9 November 2007 RE: Pauline and the Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the management has decided to cancel our holiday party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay. Have a SUCCESSFUL day! John

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Stocking only the very best in ladies fashion including leading quality designer labels Sizes from 10 to 20

(other sizes can be ordered)

Extensive Sales Rack.

Opening Times: Monday - Friday 11am - 6pm Saturday 11am - 3pm

Tel: 952 927 245

Avda. del Mediterraneo 4, San Pedro de Alcรกntara (near Da Bruno Restaurant, opposite the Fishing Boat)

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WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A MAN...

A Man’s World

GUTS OR BALLS? We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

GUTS: is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS: is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bottom and having the balls to say: “You're next, fat ass.” I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

STATISTICS: Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say “Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag”.

KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU - While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, “It's self raising, isn't it?” The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I’ll stop right here.

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Health & Well Being

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FOODS WITH SECRET BEAUTY POWERS

When it comes to food and health we’ve all heard the old adage ‘eat less, move more’, but did you know that what you eat can not only turn back the beauty clock, prevent sun damage and even counteract eczema?

In fact some of those everyday items we serve up daily should actually be labelled ‘beauty superheroes’ such is their power to keep our skin dewy and complexion aglow. So what about the ‘must-eat’ list of beauty superfoods? Read on…

TOMATOES ARE ANTI-AGEING:

Our salad friends are rich in lycopene, a bright red pigment bursting with antioxidant properties. Eat

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enough and you could help protect your skin against environmental ageing. Eating five tablespoons of tomato paste a day for 12 weeks could protect you against sunburn – if you can stomach it!

CARROTS BRIGHTEN COMPLEXION:

Any vegetable with a bright or strong colour will be high in antioxidant pigments that help to combat free radicals – unstable molecules our bodies produce. The more you eat the better, especially as this also leads to happier bowels which translate to a fresher complexion. Peppers, strawberries, broccoli and blueberries all have the same effect.

RASPBERRIES PREVENT SUN DAMAGE:

Berries in general, but particularly raspberries, are rich in ellagic acid, which helps to protect us against UV damage and also the signs of ageing.

Pomegranate has the same effect.

RED GRAPES HELP TURN BACK TIME:

These contain the anti-ageing antioxidant resveratrol, a compound that has really powerful beneficial effects for the skin and whole body. A good way to think of it is that this helps keep the body’s cells rust free.

More next month...

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Medical Tips

Let’s face it men are known to be more indifferent towards their health, especially when compared to the efforts of women, who proactively and publicly address their health issues in a way not traditionally seen with men. As a result, today the levels of awareness, understanding and funding for support of male health issues, like prostate cancer, lag significantly behind causes such as breast cancer.

The reasons for the poor state of men’s health in the UK and around the world are numerous and complex and this is primarily due to a lack of awareness of the health issues men face. This can largely be attributed to the reluctance in men to openly discussing the subject due to longstanding traditions, coupled with an ‘it’ll be alright’ attitude. Men are less likely to schedule doctors’ appointments when they feel ill or for an annual check-up, thereby denying them the chance of early detection and effective treatment of common diseases.

Statistics show that, on average, men die at a younger age than women – the average life expectancy for men is four years less than women (presently 78 compared to 82). That said, despite trailing the women’s health movement, things are beginning to change, but much more progress needs to be made to close the gap between the state of men and women’s health. Established taboos and barriers relating to men’s health are gradually being broken down.

It’s not all bad news! Maintaining a good diet, smart lifestyle choices and getting regular medical checkups and screening tests can dramatically influence your health. Regardless of age, stay on top of your game by doing the following:

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HAVE AN ANNUAL CHECK-UP: Getting annual checkups, preventative screening tests, and immunizations are among the most important things you can do to stay healthy.

DON’T SMOKE! If you do smoke, stop! Compared to non-smokers, men who smoke are about 23 times more likely to

Mens Health

develop lung cancer. Smoking causes about 90% of lung cancer death in men.

BE PHYSICALLY ACTIVE: If you are not already doing some form of exercise, start small and work up to a minimum of 30 minutes of moderate physical activity most days of the week.

ENJOY A HEART HEALTHY DIET: Fill up with fruits, vegetables, whole grains; include lean meats, poultry, fish, beans, eggs, and nuts; and eat foods low in saturated fats, trans-fats, cholesterol, salt (sodium), and added sugars.

STAY AT A HEALTHY WEIGHT: Balance calories from foods and beverages with calories you burn off by physical activities.

MANAGE YOUR STRESS: Stress, particularly long-term stress, can be the factor in the onset or worsening of ill health. Managing your stress is essential to your health & well being and should be practiced daily.

DRINK ALCOHOL IN MODERATION: Alcohol can be part of a healthy balanced diet, but only if it’s in moderation, which means no more than two drinks a day.

KNOW YOUR FAMILY HEALTH HISTORY: Start a discussion with your relatives about the health issues they’ve had in the past. Be sure to learn about relatives that have passed away.

Clinica Medicare is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” Your British Health centre here on the Costa del Sol. For more information on Clinica Medicare or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76

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Doctor, Doctor!

Assistant Gynaecologist Job Opening A man went to a doctor's surgery in Harley Street in London having seen an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Naturally interested, he went in and asked for details.

The receptionist pulled up the file and read; "The job entails preparing the ladies for the gynaecologist."

"You must help the women remove their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination."

"The annual salary is ÂŁ65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Newcastle " "My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered: No Sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously "Is there a problem?" The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes "I'm afraid so... I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy" The patient is devastated and shockingly replies "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another lifing of my manhood" The surgeon pauses for a moment then says "Well, you might, but it won't be yours."

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TOP 10 facts about EARS

The “War of Jenkins’ Ear� between England and Spain was declared on October 23, 1739, as a result of Robert Jenkins, captain of a British merchant ship, having his ear severed by Spanish coastguards.

1. Jenkins actually lost his ear in 1731 but it wasonly when allegedly displaying the severed ear to Parliament in 1738 that real hostilities broke out.

2. According to the ancient Chinese, long earlobes were associated with a person having a long life.

3. The penalty for an adulteress in 11th century Britain was to forfeit the nose and both ears.

4. Mickey Mouse’s ears are always perfect circles whatever angle they are viewed from.

5. In November last year, Lasha Patraya of Georgia set a world record by pulling an eight-tontruck 21.5 metres with his ears.

6. Spectacles were introduced in Italy in 1268 but arms to clip them round the ears were added only in 1727 by English optician Edward Scarlett.

7. Asians and Native Americans have dry earwax; Caucasians and Africans have moist earwax.

8. An aardvark’s ears may be 10 inches long.

9. In America, Noddy’s friend Big Ears was called Whitebeard to avoid offending largeeared people.

10. “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak�

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IT’s Magic...

John steals 3 chocolate bars and puts them in his pocket and when they left the shop he said to his friend Bob "You see that? I stole three chocolate bars. Nobody saw me.

So that’s magic and I am a magician," Bob said " lets go back to the shop, i’m going to show you who the real magician is". They went in and Bob said to the cashier "you want to see a magic trick?" The cashier said “Yes, Show Me Sir" "Hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. “Hand me another one" he ate that too.

"Hand me one more" and he ate it 3rd One Also.

"But sir where's the magic?" asked the cashier.

Bob said “check John's pockets and you will find all three chocolate bars” My local magician can slow his heartbeat down until it stops.

But, to tell the truth, he only managed to pull it off once.

An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a sofa and his two kids into armchairs.

He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital. Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.

Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.

"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"

The doctor replies, "they're comfortable..."

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Christmas Facts...

Wow your guest this Christmas dinner with some fascinating facts about things we take for granted at Christmas time.

• Father Christmas has two addresses, Edinburgh and the North Pole. Letters addressed to ‘Toyland or ‘Snow land’ go to Edinburgh, but letters addressed to ‘The North Pole’ have to be sent there because there really is such a place!

• An old wives’ tale says that bread baked on Christmas Eve will never go moldy • Christmas pudding originates from an old Celtic dish known as ‘frumenty’.

• Each year between 34-36 million Christmas Trees are produced to cope with the holiday demand.

• The Queens Christmas speech was televised for the first time in 1957.

• Thomas Smith first invented Christmas crackers. He had imported some French novelties to sell as Christmas gifts, but these were not popular until he wrapped them up and added a snapper.

• In Spain and Germany, the twelfth night is also known as ‘The Three Kings Day’.

• The word Christmas is Old English, a contraction of Christ's Mass.

• Postmen in Victorian England were popularly called ‘robins’. This was because of their uniforms were red. Victorian Christmas cards often showed a robin delivering Christmas post.

• In the nineteenth century, the British Post Office used to deliver cards on Christmas morning.

• England has only ever known seven white Christmases’ in the entire twentieth century. Also the chances of a white Christmas are just 1 in 10 for England and Wales, and 1 in 6 for Scotland and Northern Ireland.

• US scientists calculated that Santa would have to visit 822 homes a second to deliver all the world's pres ents on Christmas Eve, travelling at 650 miles a second.

• The largest Christmas cracker - 45.72m long and 3.04m in diameter - was pulled in Australia in 1991.

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The Best Present EVER...

December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:55 PM Page 46

Stuck for ideas for the kids this Christmas? Surely these are the ultimate presents‌ This is a 2/3 size (9ft x 4ft) Aston Martin roadster with a top speed of 8mph, leather seats, alloy wheels and an iPod dock. This is a one-off custom-made is at £24,800 plus delivery.

This awesome petrol kids formula 1 car style car will reach speeds up to 50km/h powered by a 110cc 4 stroke engine coupled with a semi-automatic 3-speed gearbox.

This hand crafted, half size Ferrari California has a 4 stroke air-cooled petrol engine with rear wheel drive a Top speed 75kph and Brembo disc brakes.

The Wilys Jeep is one the more popular of the kids cars, with a 110cc 1 cylinder engine and automatic Transmission 3 forward and 1 reverse gear

This miniature Cobra 289 has an adjustable pedal box so can be driven by kids of all ages - including adult ones!!

The Jaguar E-type half scale is available with a petrol engine and an electric motor, the electric version is much slower and uses 2 electric bike motors in the rear wheels.

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Christmas Facts...

continu ed

• Christmas pudding was first made as a soup with raisins & wine in it. YUCK! • It’s not until the twelfth Night that the figures of the three kings are sup-

posed to be added to the Christmas nativity.

• Hanging stockings out comes from the Dutch custom of leaving shoes

packed with food for St Nicholas's donkeys. He would leave small gifts in return.

• In 1647, the English parliament passed a law that made Christmas illegal. The ban

was lifted only when the Puritans lost power in 1660.

• There are 13 Santas in Iceland, each leaving a gift for children. They come down from the moun-

tain one by one, starting on December 12th and have names like Spoon Licker, Door Sniffer and Meat Hook.

• The long shopping spree before Christmas began in America when relatives of soldiers posted overseas in the Second World War were encouraged to mail gifts early.

• Jingle Bells was the first song broadcast from space when Gemini 6 astronauts Tom Stafford and Wally Schirra sang it on December 16, 1965.

• Santa has different names around the world - Kriss Kringle in Germany, Le Befana in Italy, Pere Noel in France and Deushka Moroz (Grandfather Frost) in Russia.

• IN Britain, the best-selling festive single is Band Aid's 1984 track, Do They Know It's Christmas?, which sold 3.5million copies. Wham! is next in the same year with Last Christmas, selling 1.4million.

• Upside-down artificial Xmas trees are sold to allow more gifts to be piled under.

• In 1999, residents of the state of Maine in America built the world's biggest ever snowman. He stood at 113ft tall.

• Before turkey, the traditional Christmas meal in England was a pig's head and mustard.

We hope you have a fab Christmas & New Year with love from the Costa Link Team x

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time.

Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with?

Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:55 PM Page 50

Kids say the funniest things‌

A recent survey in the UK revealed that one in three young adults had no idea that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Other religious blank spots included the role of the Archangel Gabriel, with more than a quarter having no idea that Gabriel brought God's message to Mary at her home in Nazareth to say that she would give birth to a son. So what do Britain's youngsters really know about Christmas?

What gifts did the three wise men bring?

Jay aged 5): "The three wise men brought Jesus presents of gold, frankincense, smurr and silver. But I think he would have preferred wrestling toys."

Ellie (aged 5):"The three wise men brought Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh - no real presents. I feel sorry for him."

William, (aged 7): "I don't know what presents the wise men brought Jesus but a Lego set would have been better."

Daniel, (aged 7): "I know for his birthday he got money and gold from the wise men but I would have given him a Liverpool kit."

What animals were there when baby Jesus was born?

Matthew (aged 6): "There were sheep, horses and a crocodile outside the stable."

Ruby (aged 6):"At his birth there were oxens, a donkey, three camels, three birds, all white and three cats, all black."

Hannah (aged 6): "There was a donkey, a sheep and cow there as well as Mary and Joseph. It sounds quite crowded."

Valarie (aged 6): "There were camels, donkeys and cows around the stable and the wise men went to the manger to say hello to Jesus."

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TOP 10 facts about CRIME

1. According to the latest official figures, 84,078 people are currently in prison in the UK. 2. Male prisoners outnumber female prisoners by more than 21 to one.

3. The word 'criminal' has been in the language since around 1400 but 'policeman' arrived only in 1788 and 'detective' in 1843.

4. The word 'gangster' was first used in 1884 in a reference to US presidential candidate Grover Cleveland as “the creature of a combination of gangsters and cranks”.

5. The word 'mobster' is nearly 200 years older than 'gangster'. The latter became popular when 'mobster' was strongly associated with the Mafia.

6. The first reference to “gangster rap” was in 1986 and “gangsta rap” was seen three years later.

7. According to a report in 2009 the cost of organised crime in the UK is £40billion a year.

8. Reggie Kray (died in 2000) he was 10 minutes older than Ronnie Kray (died 1995).

9. There were an estimated 8.6 million crimes in England and Wales in the year ending March 2013.

10. Al Capone's business card described him as a used furniture dealer. In 2000 his toenail clippers were sold for £5,000 at auction in San Francisco.

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

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Kids say the funniest things con’t…

Why do we celebrate Christmas?

Ellyshia (aged 9): "I am not really a Christian. I believe in unicorns and pixies."

Ben (aged 7): "We celebrate Christmas because Santa comes and gives us lots and lots of presents."

Where was Jesus born?

Mark (aged 6): "A long way away from Liverpool."

Alexie (aged 5): "Baby Jesus was born in a stable made out of hay with string around it."

Daniel (aged 7): "He was born in a stable where Mary and Joseph stayed. There were chickens, cows and a donkey. I don't remember any more."

Charlie (aged 4): "He was born in a stable a long way away from here in another country. Bethlehem - it's in England."

• A budding young actor was very put out when he wasn’t picked to be Joseph in his school play.

However he was asked to be Inn keeper No. 1 in an effort to keep him quiet, or so his teacher thought!

When Mary & Joseph approached him to ask if there was any room at the inn, he replied: “Yes, come right in! We have a lovely room overlooking the pool!”

• Santa had gone to the local primary school and had told the pupils that Rudolph’s nose was red as he had a cold. He asked the children if they had any ideas as to what would help him get rid of it. Various suggestions were made such as throat sweets etc. Then a boy suggested the pub. “Why the pub?” asked Santa “I don’t know, but when my dad gets a cold he always goes to the pub!”

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OOH, er MRS! The British LOVE a double entendre!

Things, which sound rude any other time of year you can get away with at Christmas - Have a go at slipping a couple in to a conversation this Christmas! Titter, titter!

“Tying the legs together keeps it moist.”

“Smother the butter all over the breasts.”

“How long do I beat it before it's ready?”

“Wow, that’s one terrific spread.”

“Talk about a huge breast!”

“Breast or leg?”

“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”

“Do you want stuffing?”

“Don’t play with your meat.”

“Are you ready for seconds?”

“More meat darling?”

“That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!”

“If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst.”

“Do you want me to put some cream on your pudding?”

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FINANCIAL NEWS

The last month has seen an element of uncertainty in stock markets as investors digest news from the improving economy in the USA. The question is when will they start tapering their money stimulus programme. By the time you read this The Federal Reserve will have its first woman chairman in Janet Yellan.

Public sector borrowing for October was little changed from last year however for this year has dropped by around ÂŁ6billion, going forward with the current strength of the UK it is anticipated that the fall for future years could be as high as ÂŁ20/30 billion.

The pound has certainly been the winner during the last month so if you wish to make more of your currenPMI's across the eurozone are causing concern as for cy transfers or simply enquire about the exchange rate the second month the economy seems to be on a give Moneycorp a call. They can be contacted on 952 backward step, big concern is France. Greece still very 587 657 and mention The Costa Link magazine much in the news with visits from the Troika audit comMoneycorp wishes a Merry Christmas mittee who are finding it difficult to agree a new budgand A Happy New Year to all readers et with the country. The European Central Bank reduced interest rates last month and may have to take further action to bolster the economy. Some good news for Spain however where we have come out of the recession and may see some easing of our austerIf you would like further ity measures early next year.

In the UK all seems to be fine particularly as the manufacturing sector grew at its fastest rate for 18 years.

58

information please contact Moneycorp on 952 587 657 and quote Costa Link Magazine

December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:57 PM Page 59

December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:57 PM Page 60 Decorative Italian meringue masks a change to Christmas pudding - an amazing bake!

ToasTed marshmallow & ginger cake Ingredients:

•100g butter, plus a little extra for greasing •100g dark muscovado sugar •100g black treacle •140g golden syrup •225g plain flour •1 tsp bicarbonate of soda •2 tsp ground ginger

Method:

•1 tsp ground cinnamon •125ml whole milk • 3 medium egg yolks, whisked with a fork (save the whites for the icing)

For the ginger buttercream: •140g butter, softened •200g icing sugar •4 smalls stem ginger, (finely chopped, plus 1 tbsp syrup)

•½ tsp ground ginger For the toasted marshmallow icing: •3 medium egg whites •175g golden caster sugar You will also need: •piping bag •large round piping nozzle •cook's blowtorch •3 sparklers to decorate

1) Melt the butter, sugar, treacle and syrup in a small saucepan, whisking until smooth. Set aside to cool for 10 mins. Heat oven to 160C/140C fan/gas 3. Grease and line a 2lb loaf tin with baking parchment (our tin was 22 x 7 x 7cm). 2) In a bowl, mix the flour, bicarbonate of soda, ground ginger, cinnamon and 1⁄2 tsp salt.

Pour in the warm syrup mixture and the milk, followed by the egg yolks. Whisk until you have a smooth batter. Pour into the tin and bake for 1 hr or until a skewer comes out clean. Cool in the tin for 30 mins, then slice off the top to give you a smooth surface. Flip onto a wire rack and remove the baking parchment. Leave to cool. Can now be covered with cling film and kept for up to 5 days. 3) To make the buttercream, put the ingredients in a large bowl and mash together with a fork or spatula (this prevents the icing sugar from going everywhere). When roughly combined, blend with an electric hand whisk until smooth. 4) Now make the marshmallow icing. Put the egg whites, sugar, 1 tbsp water and a good pinch of salt into a heatproof bowl. Place over a pan of simmering water, making sure the bowl doesn’t touch the hot water, and whisk until thick and leaving a prominent trail from the beaters – this will take about 4 mins. Remove the bowl from the heat and continue whisking for another 3 mins until cooled slightly and really stiff. Transfer half to a piping bag fitted with a large round nozzle and set aside. 5) When ready to assemble, slice the cake lengthways into 3 even layers. On a cake stand or plate, reassemble the cake, with the largest slice on the bottom, layering with the buttercream. 6) Using a small offset palette knife or small butter knife, cover the cake with the marshmallow icing left in the bowl. Use the palette knife to create vertical lines along the edges. Now use the piping bag to pipe spikes of meringue over the top of the cake. Use a cook’s blowtorch to toast the meringue to a golden brown – a few charred patches will add to the effect. Serve straight away or chill for up to 2 days, removing from the fridge 30 mins before serving.

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December 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/24/13 7:58 PM Page 62

What’Guide s On

December 5th - 8th: Cirque du Soleil Quidam in Malaga, Palacio Martin Carpena, Malaga.

December 1st – 16th: La Cala de Mijas is hosting an International Xmas fair. Each day there will be stalls offering traditional products and handcrafts. A large tent in the center of the Christmas fair selling beers and mulled Christmas wine. Free Jazz concerts will be held every day during the week and the weekends entertainment will be provided by International choirs, and local dance groups.

Until December 22nd: Don't miss the Christmas nativity market in Old Town Marbella held every weekend until December 22, 2013 on plaza de la Iglesia de la Encarnación. Live entertainment, Christmas carols, organized activities and fun for the whole family is held throughout the city streets.

Tapas Society This Month: Fri 6th, Sat 7th & Sun 8th December: INSPECTOR DRAKE & the BLACK WIDOW. TAPAS CHOIR perform an Xmas Concert Fri 13th Dec, 5.00pm Mijas Town Hall Mijas Pueblo. TAPAS CHOIR perform for Dunnes Stores Sat 14th Dec,11.30am Dunnes Store (Hipo) Fuengirola. TAPAS CHOIR perform at Lux Mundi Carol Service Sat 14th Dec, 5.00pm Lux Mundi, Torre del Mar. TAPAS CHOIR perform Dunnes Stores Mon 16th Dec late morning Dunnes (Las Rampas). For more information call 635 293 714 or see the website: www.tapassociety.com.

December 13th: Celebrate Saint Lucia Day in Marbella at 6:00pm at Plaza de la Encarnacion in Old Town Marbella. Children from the Swedish School sing Christmas songs. You will be offered traditional Swedish cookies accompanied by chocolate and Glögg (hot wine).

December 12th-14th: Aloha College is staging its annual school production of “Annie” for the general public at the Black Box theatre in Marbella. Tickets are on sale at Aloha College (95281 4133) for 5€ and must be purchased in advance as places are limited.

December 14th: The Anglican Church of Costa del Sol (West) will be holding it's annual Xmas Fair at the Tennis Club, Calle de Tenis, Bel-Air, near the Cancelada roundabout starting at 11 am.

30 Super raffle prizes including 3 nights at a 5 star hotel in Dubai and 2 nights at the Puente Romano Hotel with breakfast.

December 22nd: El Gordo lottery is drawn it is the biggest prize of the year! Good luck!

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, nr Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together.

It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771.

Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at the Cafe in Supersol, El Zoco, Calahonda or call us on Tel 952 933 409 for more information.

Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Click here for more details.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking.

Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

64

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

6th December: Day Of The Constitution (National Holiday).

8th December: Immaculate Conception (National Holiday).

22nd December: El Gordo lottery is drawn it is the biggest prize of the year!

25th December: Christmas Day (National Holiday).

26th December - St Stephen’s Day. (Boxing Day - National Holiday).

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during December.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Aquarius, relationships will lack enthusiasm this month all things will be moderation; in some cases events may miss you completely. In the first two weeks of December 2013, negative feelings could happen maybe in a friendship or at work. The last few weeks will see you having some time off take advantage of this interval as much as possible in order to enjoy the pleasures of life if you are a couple take time together and to strengthen your relationship! December 2013 will be excellent for career and business. Jupiter and Saturn will being progress and success. You'll have good financial judgment, you'll seize the opportunities, which will bring you money, and your work will be well paid. Don't take more on your plate than you can do!

You'd better balance your effort and have enough rest.

Pisces

Pisces, relationships will unwind after December 5th 2013, when Mercury, will enter Sagittarius in your sign. It'll be a great relief, after tense feeling for the last two months. You’ve had enough frustrations and complications in relationships now, however, the atmosphere will be more relaxed. A possible affair that might start now and it will have chances to last. If you are single now is a great time to find “the one” all the stars are pointing to this. December 2013 will be a month with nice professional perspectives, because the Sun and Mercury. The Sun will place you in the center of attention, will enhance your prestige and authority and could bring you praise and the highest rewards. Don't make any financial decisions under the spur of the moment! It's wiser to take your time to analyse, to think them over.

Aries

Aries, don’t expect harmony and agreement this month (and until July 2014). You’ll have to make do with passion, challenges and strong emotions. Relationships, either marital or love or of a different kind, will acquire a more visible shape, they will get more of your attention and will demand much higher energy consumption than before. All this will be caused by the fact that Mars, Aries' ruler, will complete the cycle of retrograde movement in Aries' house of couples, where it'll stay between December 7th 2013 and July 28th 2014. Patience is all I can say! At work you’ll have a tendency towards idleness, which is not characteristic of you. It is also possible that there will be a visible interaction between career and feelings. You'll be in a pretty good shape this month, but you'll have lots of stress to deal with. Above all, make use of your calmness and patience!

Taurus

Gemini 68

Capricorn now is the start of a special period. Venus, the planet of love, will be in your sign.

Love will be in the air - If you are single and looking for love this is probably the most important point this year you’ve had to find the one! If you're into an old relationship now is a great time to jazz it up a little. On the 7th 2013 Mars, the planet of action, will enter Capricorn's house of career, it'll stay until July 2014.

The phenomenon will be remarkable, because Mars usually spends just five or six weeks in a house. This prolonged transit will lend Capricorn's career a Martian nature. The leading factors will be ambition, the spirit of enterprise and competitiveness. From a financial point of view, December 2013 can bring you a success and accomplishment. You'll have an excellent morale this month although stay away from germs etc., you may find coughs and cold coming your way in the New Year.

Taurus, you'll probably be making your feelings known on December 5th 2013, when Mercury leaves your house of relationships, it has been interfering in your business quite seriously for the past two months. When it leaves, Mercury will take tension away and will most probably leave behind some life lessons well learned or decision well made. Venus will be entering your sign now and could bring you a long-distance relationship or maybe a love from a strange place. Your career and relationships will interweave, professional choices will be made with people from your private life. If you haven't had your annual health check-ups done, December 2013 will be a good time. Your workload will increase, and from now on you'll have to expect long months of stress financially the situation will clear up and there might be extra income appearing from an unexpected source.

Gemini, for Gemini people, December 2013 will be an interesting month, full of excitement and colour. They are strong transits, which focus your attention and strength on relationships especially until the Christmas Eve. There could be news or some changes, but these could rather be meant to settle or clarify certain aspects of a relationship. On the work front collaboration and interactions with the clients or the public will be highly outlined in December 2013. By the Christmas, there's the possibility of having some professional accomplishments that will bring money, of signing some new contracts or of consolidating some partnerships. Get ready for big projects for the coming year together! From now on start considering constant exercise get yourself to the gym or take up a new sport, now is a great time to get your new years resolutions in place.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, with Venus located for the long term in your sign relationships will be brought to the forefront of your mind. You'll be very thirsty for affection, if you are single or not happy in a relationship love will show up in your life at any time in December 2013. If a new love is out of the question (although this possibility should not completely be ruled out), you'll probably go through a period in which your social life becomes more intense. Your short and long-term plans will depend on the others. At work the last month of 2013 promises to be fruitful and satisfactory the Sun (until the 21st) and Mercury (until the 24th) will bring opportunities to boost your financial situation and your fulfillment. The first two weeks in December 2013 will be favorable to start diets and change lifestyles get these in place before Christmas hits and you will find yourself fighting fit for 2014!

Leo, relationships and your love life are better in December 2013 much improved on previous months. Domestic inconveniences seem to have been solved, there will be peace in the home and even if there still are things to solve, they can be solved gradually, with patience and calmness. There's also good news for the Leo people in search for love or for those involved in a boring old relationship. The Sun and Mercury in your sign will bring opportunities for adventure, looks of love and vast passion, just in time for Christmas. Love stories that will begin in December 2013 have chances to last. Financially, the situation will be satisfying all throughout December 2013 and you might make an investment or two and reap the rewards immediately. All in all a great month for you Leo.

Virgo, you’ll go through a special phase this month. Your love life and relationships will be on the up thanks to Jupiter, this lasts up until July 2014, expect romanticism and affection in armfuls. On the other hand Venus, the planet of love, entered your sign also this means you'll have a sexier look, you'll draw attention and stir desire more easily basically you are hot to trot for the next six months. The most important event of December 2013 will be Mars' entering Virgo's house of money. This will last for 8 moths rather than the usual 3 weeks expect an income boost. But Mars can also be rash the risk of loss shouldn't be neglected at all, so think twice before making a financial decision and don't hesitate to see specialists in the field! If you have a health problem, December 2013 can bring you solutions. You'll recharge your batteries at home, among loved ones.

Libra let the show begin! Mars will enter the sign of Libra on December 7th 2013, where it will stay for almost eight months. Mars is the planet of passion and love feelings will more colourful, more exciting if you are single or looking for love now is the time the gods will give you everything you need for plans to come to fruition. On the work front Mars your sign on the 7th of the month some changes might be required by necessity or maybe some challenges or conflicts, but in spite of all this, they can prove to be bringing success. With Mars by your side, you can achieve great victories, but only if you know how to channel its energy, if you don't hurry and don't allow sudden impulses to get in control.

Take up a sport! It's the best way of "burning" Mars' negative energies.

Scorpio, it'll be like dancing tango: one-step forward, two steps back. This is how Scorpio's relationships will work in December 2013. There might not be too many problems in the first part of the month.

On the surface however, beware if small disturbing details if they are not cleared quickly they may turn into massive problems later in the month. Communication will be the key! However, in the last couple of weeks of December 2013 you shouldn't expect situations to go according to the plan; on the contrary expect them to get out of control because Venus will start its retrograde. Just expect the unexpected this month… You have been warned! On the work front….All in all, December 2013 will be generous both at the level of recognition, and at the level of finances. Behind these accomplishments, though, there will be a lot of hard work.

Take care to steer clear of coughs and sneezes this month if you get a cold it will be hard to shift!

Sagittarius, at last, there will be light! Mercury enters Sagittarius on December 5th 2013. The last few months have had many Sagittarius people dealing with disappointments, betrayal or sneak attacks or they had to face some constraints, barriers or other complications related relationships and your love life.

You may have been feeling of loneliness or disatisfaction. But now it will all be over, if you're looking for love, you can find it, and if you already have a stable relationship, it will become more tender, more harmonious. At work this will be an excellent period for you to stand out, to promote yourself, to enjoy success. You'll earn good money, the work will be better paid and you’ll be in luck. December 2013 will be a period in which you could invest some money in your health. This will see you fit and healthy for the New Year…

Puzzle It Out

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Crossword

Solutions on page 80 Across: 1. Lions den man. (6) 4. Unisex Clothing (5) 8. mediterranian cheese (5) 9. Millitary Person (7) 10. Counselled (7) 11. Liberated (4) 12. First Woman (3) 14. Clean Connection.

Abbreviated. (4) 15. ---- and alack (4) 18. Emerald for example. (3) 21. Sail in this. (4) 23. Autumn Month. (7) 25. Piece of Music. (7) 26. Open. (5) 27. Avoid. (5) 28. Non Mover. (6) Down: 1. Rout. (6) 2. Persons in their own land.

(7) 3. Time is running out. (8) 4. Not bought. (4) 5. Colder. (5) 6. Bullseye. (6) 7. Next to. (5) 13. Furthest from west. (8) 16. Background Temperature. (7) 17. Ready to sail. All ...... (6) 19. Engine. (5) 20. Frozen North. (6) 22. Not disabled. (5) 24. Monster. (4)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

CHRISTMAS CAROLS...

Can you decipher these common Christmas Carols?

1. Happiness to the Global Ecosystem 2. Small male percussionist 3. I am experiencing nocturnal visions of a colourless holiday 4. Festoon the Corridors 5. A Non-summer fairytale area 6. Oh holiday conifer 7. Ten plus two twenty-four hour periods of holiday festivity

Say What You See...

EEGVTABLES EGVETABLES GEEVTABLES VEEGTABLES 70

chtongueeek

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the Christmas get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!” They all asked the farmer how it tasted. “I don’t know,” said the farmer, “I never can catch it!”

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

A Mum and Dad had just finished tucking little Tommy into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children’s room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically.

He had accidentally swallowed a 5-cent piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, his Dad palmed a 5-cent coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy’s ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully “Do it again, Dad!” The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted. Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”

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Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh for the Christmas festivities.

Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight sweater.

She made the three priests very nervous so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window.. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled.

The third priest moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, I must say, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you.

What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner ? "Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when"!

How do you describe a rich elf? Welfy

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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The Guardian Pool Fence is a completely removable (or permanent) system designed to meet parent’s needs for the safety of their children, yet also is aesthetically pleasing at the same time. This system is designed to be taken down for special occasions or when it is no longer needed. Even though this is a removable fence, it is recommended that the fence stay up year round as long as there are children on or near the property.

Guardian has the only gate with NO CROSSBAR at the top. The lack of a crossbar significantly increases the difficulty a child would have trying to climb the entire pool fence and gate system. There is nothing rigid at the top of the gate or fence to support a child if they attempted to climb this system.

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The Guardian Premier line pool fencing system is available in 48″, 54″ and 60″ heights. Our exclusive INTERLOCKING “DuraGuard” mesh is the strongest and most transparent mesh available anywhere. The Guardian Pool Fence system is available in many colour combinations to suit the environment of the pool.

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 70

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See 1. Mixed Vegetables 2. Tongue in Cheek

Brain Teaser

1. Joy to the World 2. Little Drummer Boy 3. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas 4. Deck the Halls 5. Winter Wonderland 6. Oh Christmas Tree 7. 12 Days of Christmas

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Toboggan 2) On the water 3) Rome 4) Boxing 5) Greendale in Postman Pat 6) Michael Palin 7) State / Country 8) Anatomy 9) Lamb 10) Mg 11) Tom Baker 12) Dutch 13) Ill 14) Belgium 15) Lily Savage 16) 10 17) Peel 18) Liverpool 19) Pear 20) Jaundice 21) Sicily 22) Majorca 23) Swithen 24) Fox 25) 2nd day 26) Fennel 27) Porridge 28) Winking 29) 1950’s 30) Titanic

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