Costa Link Magazine February 2010

C o s t a l I n k m ma ag ga az z ii n ne e in e

COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - INCLUDING FUENGIROLA, LA CALA, CALAHONDA, ELVIRIA, MARBELLA, PUERTO BANUS, SAN PEDRO, ESTEPONA, LA DUQUESA, SOTOGRANDE, ALHAURIN AND COÍN.

FEBRUARY 2010 NO. 35

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W W W. C O S TA L I N K M A G A Z I N E . C O M WWW.COSTALINKMAGAZINE.COM

Local Info

Kids Page

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Bar & Restaurant Guide

What’s On Guide

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Puzzles

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Jokes

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Your Long Term Propert y Rental Specialists

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Hello young lovers and a big Hi to the older ones too!

Yes its Valentine’s Day again (the 14th for the less compassionate amongst us), time to shower that spesales@costalinkmagazine.com cial person in your life with flowers, chocolates, cards, and cuddly toys. If there is someone you like who doesn't know, you might want to send them a secret meswww.costalinkmagazine.com sage! There’s a whole load of sporting interests this month The Winter Olympics in Vancouver starts with the Opening Ceremony place at Vancouver’s BC Place on February 12 and the Closing Ceremony on costalink.magazine February 28, will also be held at BC Place. Another main sporting event this month is the Six Nations Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Rugby Championship between England, Scotland, Deadline Date: 15th of each Wales, Ireland, France and Italy. Golf fans – don’t formonth. get the Spanish Open this month. Other interesting things to look out for this month include the Flamenco No part of this publication, including Festival in Jerez for something traditional or the festival pictures may be copied, SCANNED, of ballroom dancing in Torremolinos. One of my used or reproduced without our prior favourite days comes round again this month – its written consent.

Pancake Day on the 16th, can you manage as many as Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims I can? Look out for the recipe on page 68 Mmmm. made by our advertisers or information pro- Whatever takes your interest, I hope you have a great month! vided by our contributors.

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What’s On Guide

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Bar &

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taps her: "Darling?" he whispers. She rolls over and they again proceed to make love.

Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. By now she is getting annoyed, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again: "Darling?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells: "Would you give it a rest! One of us has to get up in the morning!"

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Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Why do all men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

Why did God create man before woman?

Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece!

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A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.

The doctor says: "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife.

Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well: "Darling, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king."

She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles -- the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.

She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself.

Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.

Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He

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leaving her pregnant. However, it's not known yet whether he later went back and finished the job properly. One source reveled, "There have been a few soap suicides of minor characters over the years but never someone so central and so wellloved by viewers." Bradley's funeral scenes have already been filmed, but the truth about who killed Archie Mitchel won't be revealed until the live episode on 16 February. Who do YOU think dunnit? And are you upset about Bradley's tragic departure?

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Cheryl Cole is the latest act to be confirmed for the 30th anniversary Brit Awards.

Joining the likes of JLS, Lady GaGa and Kasabian. The bash, which will be held at Earl's Court on 16 February, will also see Robbie Williams performing.

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There's been some sad moments in EastEnders over the years, but we think this latest tragic twist could be the saddest EVER. Lovable romantic Bradley Branning will be killed off in the next few weeks - and the rumour is that he commits suicide. We know! Little rosycheeked Bradders. It's not fair! Insiders are claiming that Bradley - played by actor Charlie Clements - will throw himself to his death from the top of a building in Albert Square after he becomes a chief suspect in the Archie Mitchell murder case. As we all saw at Christmas, Bradley did indeed head to the Queen Vic and lamp Archie one for having his wicked way with Stacey and

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ttel el - ffax ax 9952587549 52587549 Valentines Cards alentines C ards lloons / Flowers Flowers Balloons s Preciou s u eo org The most g Gifts G ifts Gift & Card d!

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Three T hree sshops hops a away way from from the the Tabac Tabac (tobacconist) (tobacconist)

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his most recent, plus five covers of classics love songs including Michael Jackson's She's Out Of My Life. The album will be released on Monday 1 February - just in time for that romantic (or annoying, if you're heading rapidly towards spinsterhood) day of the year! We've included a full track listing below.

Unconditional – 2009 - Revelation

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I Can’t Make You Love Me – 2010 - New Cover Rest Of My Life (feat Brian McKnight) – 1997 - Time Go Back – 2009 - Revelation Lonely – 1997 - Time Lost Without U – 2010 - New Cover Call The Doctor – 2009 - Revelation Stay With Me – 1997 - Time Overjoyed – 2010 - New Cover She’s Out Of My Life – 2010 - New Cover All Cried Out – 2004 - The Long Road Back Letting You Go – 1997 - Time I Feel You - 1996 - Natural The Right Way - 2004 - The Long Road Back Sign Your Name - 2010 - New Cover Untouchable - 2004 - The Long Road Back

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Katie Price was spotted trying to get her claws into none other than The X Factor's Olly Murs, but he was having none of it. According to guests at Danielle Lloyd's engagement party, Katie was "clamped" to the singer "like a limpet" and spent quite some time whispering in his ear and touching his arm. Can't say we blame her.

Anyway, whatever she was whispering didn't have the desired effect, because Olly scuttled off as soon as he could. "Olly seemed flattered," explained one guest.

"But a little intimidated!"

As it's Valentine's Day soon, and because he's a soppy old romantic at heart, Peter Andre is releasing a new album full of all his favourite love songs. Entitled Peter Andre Unconditional Love Songs, the album contains hits from Pete's past albums as well as

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I n t e r n e t D a t i n g (reading between the lines)!

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and huffy silences.

AGE 34 Age 43. There's more chance of winning the Lottery on a double rollover week than there is of being a woman over 35 and getting a date on the internet.

LOYAL Stalker. She'll have Googled you and looked you up on Friends Reunited before you even meet. Her brain cannot process the words: 'I don't think you're quite right for me.'

LIKES THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE Gold digger. Looking for a new wardrobe, jewellery and a few weekends away before she dumps you for a 25-year-old Adonis.

HONEST No social skills. The censorship button in her brain doesn't work. Says whatever comes into her head.

LIVES LIFE TO THE FULL Alcoholic. Likes to start the day with a couple of Bacardi Breezers. Happy Hour is her favourite time of day! SEE WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN ON PG 14

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WHAT WOMEN REALLY MEAN ADORABLE Wetter than Pamela Anderson's swimming costume. She'll be forever showing you pictures of fluffy kittens on her mobile phone and, on your first date, will have given pet names to all your fingers before the main course arrives.

CURVY Fat. Forget any silly notions of Marilyn Monroe's softly sensuous body. This girl is more pint glass than hourglass.

VOLUPTUOUS Fat and shows too much flesh in clothes two sizes too small for her.

BUBBLY Fat & annoying. Tries to make up for her ample size by being the life and soul of the party and fails in all respects.

FIERY Psychotic. Cancel a date with this girl and you'll come home to find your car has been keyed and all the sleeves have been cut off your shirts.

ARTISTIC Drama Queen. Welcome to a world of slamming doors, smashed crockery

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I n t e r n e t D a t i n g (reading between the lines)!

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pay for your own dinner.

ADVENTUROUS Pervert. He can turn anything into a double entendre. On a date he'll order graphically named cocktails and talk dirty with you over the garlic bread.

GSOH (GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR) No sense of humour. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one.

SPORTY I watched the Olympics and play snooker for the local pub team.

UNIQUE Sex change. Best not to hang around long enough to find out whether it's pre op or post op.

MANLY Hairy. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture.

ROMANTIC Oily creep. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you 'babe' or 'sweetheart' because he can't remember your name.

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WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN ATTRACTIVE Plain. Everyone in online dating is 'attractive.' In the real world it means 'pleasant to look at' - in the internetspeak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth.

FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE Gutchurningly hideous. When he's not even claiming to be attractive, it's time to worry. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Calvin Klein model next to this guy. Meeting under the cover of darkness is advised.

TOLD ATTRACTIVE By my mother, the only woman I've every loved or am ever likely to.

RUGBY PLAYER'S BUILD One who retired 10 years ago. Stop thinking: Jonny Wilkinson. Start thinking: Johnny Vegas.

MODERN MAN We'll be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week. So unless you're a sure thing you

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cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single; and I'm Catholic too!" "OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley." He does and the Nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you c r y i n g ? " "Forgive me Sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.

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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.

When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1, you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic." The

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Illuminating...

“The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” Johnny Depp

“You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.” Julia Roberts “To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage; because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.”Madonna “A simple 'I love you' means more than money.” Frank Sinatra

“The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.”

Woody Allen

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“The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain."Jennifer Aniston

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“I like to believe that love is a reciprocal thing, that it can't really be felt, truly, by one.” Sean Penn

“Everything is clearer when you're in love.”

John Lennon

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“Love to me is someone telling me, 'I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and if you needed me to I'd jump out of a plane for you.” Jennifer Lopez

says, 'No matter what's wrong with you, you're welcome at this table.”Tom Hanks

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Celebrity Quotes on Love...

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“There's no substitute for a great love who

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Love is the greatest thing!

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How long have you been married?

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.

'The first ten years are the hardest.'

'How long have you been married?' she asked. 'Ten years', he replied.

My One And Only Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop. The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?' Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'

The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.' Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

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What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?

Because it couldn't get a date.

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A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.''That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.' Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

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A M a n’s W o r l d

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dYou can't catch social diseases from a beer. dA beer gets lighter the longer you hold it. dA beer doesn't have in-laws. dTo cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box. dThe only thing a beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom. dYou are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party. dBeer won't drive you to drink. dYou can shoot a beer. dBeer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't. dBeer doesn't care how much you earn. dBeer and Ice don't mix. dBeer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it. dBeer is happy to ride in the boot of your car. dYou can put all your old beers in one room, and they won't fight.

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Reasons To Have A Beer Instead of A Woman dYou don't have to wine and dine beer. dYour beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football. dWhen your beer goes flat, you toss it out. dBeer is never late. dA beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. dWhen you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer. dBeer never has a headache. dA beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer. dYou can have more than one beer in a night, and not feel guilty. dYou can share a beer with your friends. dBeer doesn't demand equality. dIf you change beers you don't have to pay maintenance. dA beer is always satisfying.

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Domestic Tables New and Reconditioned

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Re-covering service Accessories Lights, Cues and Cloth

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"Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good." The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St Peter that he hasn't done anything particularly good in his life. "Well," says St Peter, "have you done anything particularly brave in your life?"... Read more "Yes, I have," replies the man proudly. St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. So the man explains, "I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Manchester United at Anfield. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Kop end." "Yes," responded St Peter, "I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place?"

"Certainly," the man replied, "about three minutes ago."

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There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives.

One day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!" The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife nothing!!!" They both look at him and asked how he managed that! The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Sex?" She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!

A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greets him and says:

•Well Womens Clinic (Cervical Smears, breast examinations) •Full Health Assessments •Dyslexia Assessments •Complimentary Therapists •Counseling service •Hypertension management

A Nurse led service providing an innovative and holistic approach to healthcare that brings the values and practices of a British Health Centre to the Costa del Sol, enabling you to access a service that is familiar.

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Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking.

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Paws for thought...

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Six months ago my partner and I returned to the UK after spending a year in the Costa del Sol. On making this decision we knew we would need to find a place for our puppy, we had rescued a few months before, to stay as quarantine costs in the UK were extortionate. Needless to say we found Posh Pets in Alhaurin el Grande. Known as the small company with the big heart we knew that our, not so little puppy, would be in good hands and left him there. During our sixmonths without him Rachel, Les and their fantastic team made sure we were kept informed with regular emails and photos of how he was doing. Before we knew it the six months had gone and last weekend he was delivered back to us, safe and sound, at our home in the UK. We would highly recommend Post Pets to anyone who is looking for boarding kennels both

long and short term. Big Thanks X This is a true story about Lucky Admitting his 0 out of 4 record is not impressive "on paper," trainers announced that Lucky, a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in Wuppertal, Germany, is available for his fifth owner. Lucky led his first owner in front of a bus, killing him. Then he led the second off the end of a pier, drowning him. He nudged his third owner off a railway platform in front of an express train, killing him. And he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed. The new owner won't be told of Lucky's record because, the trainers say, the dog might sense nervousness "and do something silly."

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A Big Thank You to Posh Pets

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On the Coin Road (A404), 3 km out of Alhaurín el Grande 20 minutes from La Cañada and the coast.

WE ARE NOW IN OUR 6TH YEAR!

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Luxury Pet Transportation throughout Europe by land Professional Grooming Salon for Dogs & Cats Pet Boutique with Pet Treats & Accessories Be a step in front of the Boutique Dog Hotel law and avoid a fine...

Beautiful Secluded Cattery We now stock and supply: • Dog Car Harnesses with seatbelt attachments Grooming Courses • Dog Guards for cars Complete Dog Food "Posh Nosh" • Travel Crates Pet ID Tags - Now engraved onsite Bespoke Travel Cages - Custom Cages Residential Obedience Training for your dog Our own produced ‘Herbal Tonic’ for pets Tuesday evenings 5pm-7pm Mobile British Vet Clinic

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• • • • • • • • • • • •

Collection & delivery ‘Pet Taxi’ service is offered

Telephone: 952 597 035

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ocal Info

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

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Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

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Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

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Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

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952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

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112 091 092 062

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

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Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

(Marina)

Transport

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Emergency Numbers

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda.

Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates February 11th to 21st - Cadiz Carnival February 14th - Valentines Day February 16th - Pancake Day Shrove Tuesday

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

e l i t e Glass Curtains SL

Createananallallyear yearround roundusable usable terrace terrace Create Framelessglazing glazingsystem systemwith with undisturbed undisturbed views Frameless views 20 years experience in glazing industry

Full public liability insurance

Full public liability insurance

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Specialist in manufacturing glass curtains Specialist in manufacturing glass curtains

Open

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Protect and reduce effect of dust, wind, noise &

Protect and reduce the effects of dust, wind, noise rain on your balcony & rain on your balcony

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SPECIALIST MANUFACTURERS AND INSTALLERS OF GLASS CURTAINS

Trade and commercial enquires welcome

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Closed Elviria

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Trade and commercial enquiries welcome

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Before

References available upon request From quotation to installation you can be sure of a first class product and service from Elite Glass Curtains

We will beat any like for like quotation

For your free no obligation quotation call now on PHONE - 952 830 503 MOBILE - 630 625 085 E-MAIL - info@eliteglasscurtains.com WEB - www.eliteglasscurtains.com ELITE GLASS CURTAINS S.L., POLIGONO ELVIRIA 26, ELVIRIA 29600

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W h a t ’s O n

Your Entertainment Guide

Quiz Night - 9.30pm, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Karaoke - Fools bar. El Zoco, Calahonda.

Wednesdays Bingo & Quiz - 9.30pm Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Indian & Chinease Night -The Far Isle, Authentic Indian or Chinese Cuisine.

Thursdays

Karaoke - “Paul the Bear” Bar Shenanigans, 9.30pm Riviera del Sol. Fish & Chip Night - BunkersBar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Fish and Chip Night - The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol.

Saturdays

Live Music - Bar Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Sister Bar. The Strip, Calahonda.

Karaoke - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

All Live Sports - 5.30 - 9.45 Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

La Cala

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Karaoke - Fools Bar, El Zoco, Calahonda.

Karaoke - 9pm, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Quiz Night - JJ’s Bar, Riviera del Sol.

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Fridays

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Live Sports, Quiz & Bing -Bar Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Film Night - Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Karaoke- Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

Quiz - 80’s Quiz. Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

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Mondays

Continued on page 44

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Snack Attack Cafe - Bar

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Due to popular demand Snack Attack is now open on Sundays 10am - 4pm for Breakfast, Lunch and our popular ROAST DINNER 2 courses for only 10 €

GREAT VALUE BREAKFAST ONLY 3.95€

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Open from 7.30 for Quality Breakfast, Lunch and Sandwiches

LUNCH TIME SPECIALS (changes daily) KITCHEN NOW OPEN UNTIL 6PM Early EVENING TAPAS AVAilable

Everything available as take away for days out Why not take a baguette of your choice to the Local 26 Jardín Botánico, beach or airport?

La Cala de Mijas NOW IN OUR 6 T H YEAR Tel: 952 493 184

On the Sunny Side of the Street

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t 0QFO EBZT B XFFL GPS CSFBLGBTU MVODI t &OHMJTI CSFBLGBTUT t )PNFNBEF UBLF BXBZ PWFO SFBEZ NFBMT t 0VUTJEF $BUFSJOH #VGGFUT

.PO 'SJ DPVSTF NFBM ESJOL è GSPN UIF TQFDJBMT CPBSE

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Traditional Sunday Roast

#SJOH UIJT BEWFSU XJUI ZPV XIFO ZPV IBWF B 4VOEBZ 3PBTU ZPV XJMM SFDFJWF B DPNQMJNFOUBSZ CPUUMF PG XJOF QFS UBCMF 0GGFS POMZ WBMJE +BO .BS

Calahonda

Front line Fuengirola port.

Open all day. 6 days a week.

Pool table and Sky Sports.

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.

Fools Bar

Sisters Bar

Small friendly bar. Daily sport. Karaoke on Tues and Thursday. All football matches shown. First floor El Zoco (corner) Tel: 952 935 340

Friendly family bar. Tasty homemade food.

Value for money specials & tapas. Draught beer from 1â‚Ź. All sports on large screen. Fun karaoke nights. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579

Los Jarales

Harrys Sports Bar

Calahonda

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Nemos Bar

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Fuengirola

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Nueva Andalucia

MADHATTERS

Next to Barclays Bank, Nueva Andalucia - Tel 951 279 080

Kissing Cocktail...

Method

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1).In a cocktail shaker with ice, add Herradura tequila, white crème de cacao, double cream and Chambord.

2)Shake for 15 seconds.

3).Pour into a chilled cocktail glass, rimmed with white chocolate, add a spear of fresh raspberries, and serve.

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Tequila isn't mixed into creamy drinks too Agave often, butKiss... when it is, such as here in the Is a dream. This one happens to be ultracreamy, complete with chocolate and raspberry liqueurs and double cream, shaken to a slurry mix. The original recipe here does call for silver, or blanco, tequila but I prefer to use an aged one instead.

The reposados and anejos add a caramel sweetness that goes perfectly with the creams for the ultimate sweetheart drinks.

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Ingredients

2 oz Herradura Tequila Silver 1 oz white creme de cacao 1 oz double cream 1/2 oz Chambord white chocolate flakes for rimming fresh raspberries for garnish

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

HONG KONG CHI ESE RESTAURA T

Just

Telephone:

month

663 061 669

La Cala

The Sussex Bar

SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS Food served 10am -10pm.

Sunday Lunch 1pm - 9pm.

Thursday quiz night, Friday darts league, Saturdays Karaoke. La Cortijera. La Cala.

Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas.

Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

La Cala

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€20 a

W h a t ’s O n Cont...

Sundays

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Call: 663 061 669

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ADVERTISE YOUR EVENTS!

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Sunday Roast & Live Music - Vista Del Mar. 1 till 6pm €10.95 Plus live music.

Live Entertainment - Mad Terry, from 5pm Shaggys, Fuengirola Port, Courtyard.

Bingo - 9.30pm Bunkers Bar, Miraflores.

Sunday Roast - 1pm - 10pm, The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Live Music - 9pm, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Sunday Roast - All Day, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range

CHARLEY’S

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11.

Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

SUNDAY ROAST with Fresh Veg & Yorkshire Pud & Dessert for just 10€ Adults & 4.50€ Children NEW DAY & EVENING MENUS & DAILY SPECIALS SNACKS & TAKEAWAY AVAILABLE ALL DAY OPEN EVERYDAY SUNNY TERRACE, SEA VIEWS & SKY SPORTS. Live Entertainment - Sunday, Cash Bingo Tuesday, Karaoke - Thursday. All from 9pm

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New menu 2&3 course specials including wine from 11.95€. Breakfast, brunches, evening dinner open every day from 10am. Terrace for private functions. Miraflores Driving Range. Tel: 952 939 381

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Bunkers Bar Bistro

Tel: 615 315 605

1ST FLOOR RIVIERA COMMERCIAL (NEAR THE CHEMISTS), RIVIERA DEL SOL, MIJAS COSTA.

JJ’s Bar

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Golden Sun

Just

€20 a Telephone: 663 061 669

month

SMALL FRIENDLY BAR

WITH LARGE SUNNY TERRACE AND FANTASTIC VIEWS OVER THE MED. LIVE SPORT FUN QUIZ NIGHTS - THURS MUSIC NIGHTS

CLM©2008

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

RIVIERA DEL SOL

Avenida del Golf

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Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu.

Special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday.

Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Papa Luigi

Riviera del sol JJ’s Bar

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Torreblanca

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Cockles Seafood NOW AT

Fuengirola

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PORTSIDE CAFE - BAR

Everything direct from London Pie, Mash and Liquer Jellied Eels, Dressed crab, Whelks, Peeled prawns, Mussels, Winkles and much more!

Eat In and Take Away Now supplying wholesale

Traditional and Vegetarian Fayre available including: Burgers, Lasagne, Currys, Chillis, Fresh salads, Homemade chips, All day breakfasts and much more. Quorn products, Childrens menu, and a selection of Desserts also available.

Open daily Tuesday Sunday 10.00 18.00 Frontline Fuengirola Port Marina. Tel: 672 028 226 44

Dibleys Tapas

Bar

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La Cala de Mijas, Opposite the church. Tel: 952 493 042

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Totally Refurbished and Outside Courtyard

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Tapas 12pm - 3pm & 6pm - 10pm English and Spanish mix Full menu available 6pm - 10pm Sunday - Sunday Roast only. 12pm - 10pm Beef/pork/lamb €8 Chicken €7

to go...

Sandwich Bar

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Incorporating

Filled baguettes, sandwiches and salads to eat in or take away.

- 5pm Jane 10am and Steve formerly from ‘to go’

and Claire Gary formerly952 from Captains Bar 493 042 Ring to and pre-order:

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Acutual Newspaper Headlines...

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Include your Children when Baking Cookies War Dims Hope for Peace Eye Drops off Shelf Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Stolen Painting Found by Tree Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Steals Clock, Faces Time Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

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Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Farmer Bill Dies in House New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

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We can supply and fit a Power Saving System which will turn off electric when departing your appartment and turning it back on upon arrival saving lots of ENERGY!!

Systems that you can text or phone to switch on or off the water heater or aircon.

Water Heater timers installed.

Solar Heated Swimming Pools Solar Heated Water and Much More ...

Make the place greener and start saving money today.

Spas 4 You .Com

HOT TUBS & JACUZZI SPAS A spa for every size and budget Estepona Poligono Please call to make an appointment to view.

902 88 11 02 617 63 92 15 www.spas4you.com email: info@spas4you.com

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Power Clean

Professional Mobile Car Cleaning Service

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Tel - 689 898 682 Mini Valet Hand wash and dry, interior vacum & polish, tyre & plastic dressing.

From â‚Ź17.50 Marbella - Dequesa 7 Days a week 53

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Ski Tips For Beginners!

Balance - snow is slippery! Trying to balance whilst sliding down a mountain isn't easy! You need a stance that is comfortable but stable on the move.

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Run/trail colour coding - All pistes are given a colour code which reflects their difficulty!

Green slopes are the easiest, then blue, red and blacks are the most difficult. Ski with care and don't dive in the deep end first thing in the morning or late afternoon!

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Dress Code - Stay warm! It is best to check the weather forecast every morning before you get dressed to make sure you keep warm and can see!

Protect your skin - from the sun, wind and cold! Snow reflects the suns rays which is great for tanning but you don't feel its power so pack plenty of sun cream! Some sun cream also coats your skin in a protective layer which stops wind and cold burn too...

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Gravity - This takes you from the top of the mountain to the bottom in the most direct route. This isn't always the safest or most desirable route so being able to steer and stop are key!!

•Don't wear a cotton under layer or you'll get cold! Have a thermal layer next to your skin.

•Use layers of clothes, not big jumpers - it keeps you much warmer!

•Only wear one pair of socks - more will actually make your feet colder!

•Make sure your outside layer is waterproof - especially your bottom half!

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With many of us heading for Sierra Nevada for some local skiing – we thought we would pass on a few basic tips to help you enjoy your first skiing experience.

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•Sunglasses for the sun, goggles for the shade/cloud!

FUJITSU / GENERAL AIRCONDITIONING

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FULLY INSTALLED

SPLITS FROM 550€ DUCTED FROM 2000€

Solar Water Heating Fully Installed From 1,000 euro

3 YEARS GUARANTEE

Servicing and repairs all makes & models. Service contracts.

TEL: 666 087 496 EMAIL: econocool@hotmail.es 56

BEAUTY TIPS FROM VARSHA HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY SOME PEOPLE LOOK YOUNGER THAN THEY REALLY ARE? NU SKIN® HAS UNLOCKED THE SCIENCE BEHIND THEIR SECRET

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Only Nu Skin®’s exclusive, PATENT pending ageLOC™ technology can help slow the production of these skin damaging free radicals at their source, helping you control your skin’s future. When your complexion looks tired and stressed, a spa facial can provide the revitalisation you need. Pre-Treatment Gel helps remove impurities so your pores can breathe and prepares your skin for Treatment Gel. Newly reformulated Treatment Gel contains all the benefits of the original and now features ageLOC™ technology, a proprietary new ingredient blend that helps slow the signs of ageing at their source. Get results that you can see with benefits that last into the future. With the stress of modern life spa treatments are a requisite for looking and feeling great. It is scientifically proven to deliver ingredients more affectively into the skin increasing their benefits.

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SMOOTH AWAY CELLULITE WITH GALVANIC SPA™ II BODY SHAPING GEL

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Galvanic Spa™ II Body Shaping Gel works exclusively with theGalvanic Spa™ II instrument to minimise and smooth the appearance of cellulite.

This spa treatment concentrates cellular energy to target pockets of fat and toxins for a more toned, firm appearance. Featuring theobromine and golden chamomile, this advanced treatment helps decrease fat storage and activate fat breakdown, promoting a firmer, more toned appearance.

SMOOTH YOUR LINES AND WRINKLES WITH TRU FACE™ LINE CORRECTOR

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Tru Face™ Line Corrector contains a positively charged pro-collagen peptide – an ideal ingredient to pair with our exclusive Galvanic Spa™ II technology.

When used with the focus area conductor and positive current setting on the Galvanic Spa instrument, this pro-collagen peptide delivers enhanced results.

OFFERS FEBRUARY 2010 FACECrystal Clear Nu-Skin (Age loc Galvanic Treatment) Microdermabrasion Normal Price To smooth out lines and wrinkles 75.00 Euros &rejuvenate complexion in only Special Offer 60.00 Euros just half an hour Normal Price 30.00 Euros EYES (Length & Volume) Hollywood Offer Price 24.00 Euros lashes Full set Normal Price 100.00 Euros NAILS Book a new set of Gel Nails Special Offer 70.00 Euros with Forever French & receive your 1st infill for half price HAIR Receive a FREE Blow Dry with every full head of POWER PLATEBook 6 Highlights or full head of colour for 50.00 Euros

Tel: 952 897 907 - Mbl: 608 364 712 www.varshabeauty.com - varsha_siyani@hot mail.com 15 Calle de Aquilla, Jardines de Atalaya, Ctra de Cadiz, KM 168.5 (Exit Isdabe), Estepona

Stars Real Names...

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Tom Cruise = Thomas Cruise Mapother IV The Edge (U2) = David Howell Evans Eminem - Marshall Bruce Mathers III Fatboy Slim = Quentin Cook (aka Norman Cook) Jodie Foster = Alicia Christian Foster Cary Grant = Archibald Leach Hulk Hogan = Terry Gene Bollea Iggy Pop = James Jewell Osterberg, Jr. Elton John = Reginald Dwight Tom Jones = Thomas Woodward Michael Keaton = Michael Douglas

Queen Latifah = Dana Owens Ozzy Osbourne = John Michael Osbourne Prince = Prince Rogers Nelson Charlie Sheen = Carlos Irwin Estevez Martin Sheen = Ramon Estevez John Wayne = Marion Morrison

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Jon Bon Jovi = John Francis Bongiovi Bono (U2) = Paul Hewson Nicholas Cage = Nicholas Coppola Michael Cain = Maurice Micklewhite David Copperfield = David Kotkin

DRAIN & LEAK

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SOLUTIONS S.L.

High Pressure water jetting Drain tracing, C.C.T.V. Septic tank problems and installations Bath, sinks and toilets unblocked Leak detection and repairs

Fully Qualified, Fully Legal, No Call Out Fee.

Tel: 951 310 111 58

Mobile: 651 111 005

www.drainandleak.com

CLMŠ2008

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Solutions on page 85

Puzzle It Out Quick Crossword

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14. Children (4) 17. Long flag (7) 18. The night before (3) 19. Extinct bird (4) 20. Choice (6)

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Across 1. Male relative (6) 3. Gem (4) 7. Chart (3) 9. Sagacious (7) 10. Challenge (4) 11. Relating to bears (6) 13. Accolade (6)

15. Rear part of a ship (5) 16. Pace (4)

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Down 1. Wanderer (5) 2. Not difficult (4) 4. Steep cliff (9) 5. Svelte (5) 6. Drama set to music (5) 8. Pilfered (9) 12. In front (5) 13. Lukewarm (5)

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Picture Puzzles

Sudoku

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How many faces can you see?

Mathematical Teaser

Magic Belt - A magic wish-granting rectangular belt always shrinks to 1/2 its length and 1/3 its width whenever its owner makes a wish. After three wishes, the surface area of the belt’s front side was 4 cm2. What was the original length, if the original width was 9 cm?

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Say What You See...

SMUPOKE

ALERT

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Strange but true...

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must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

•In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

•In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

•In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

•In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

•In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

•In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. More Strange Laws Next Month...

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S T R A N G E L AW S . . . . .

•It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.

•It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

•It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

•Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

•In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

•In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

•In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

•In England, all men over the age of 14

METACONA Manufacturers of ornate iron work

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Aluminium doors and windows Mosquito screens Shower screens Electric shutters suppliers of scissor gates Stainless steEl welding and fabrications Toldos manual or electric cctv and smoke screen

Nave 8, Fase 3, Poligono La Vega, Camino Coin, Mijas Costa

Tel: 617 760 155 Email: metacona@hotmail.com 62

to advertise please call 663 061 669

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

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teleweb internet & telephone has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a ‘Pay as you go’ system. There are flexible solutions ranging from one hour to a permanent connection for someone who lives here full

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time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

EXCITING NEWS! teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls.

Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

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For more information on any of the above, please call teleweb on: 952 833 300 or email: info@teleweb-marbella.

For all your insurance needs under one roof ...

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Best cover and most competitive rates for Cars, Bikes, Travel, House, Bars, Offices, Life, Private Health, Savings, Mortgage Protection and Dental.

Protection Plans for the Self Employed, Sickness, Accident and Disability.

CLM©2008

AXA Agent

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PARKER SOL PROPERTIES & COSTALETS Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 829 631 www.costalet.com C.I.F: B-92171388

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C/ Sagitario 6, Jardines de Gamonal Blq 7, 29631 Arroyo de la Miel

IF YOU WISH TO BUY, SELL OR RENT LONG TERM FROM TORREMOLINOS TO ELVIRIA, CALL US NOW.

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AREA SALES: CALL STEVE - 636 829 631 Beautiful! 178,000€

ONLY - 169,000€

MIRAFLORES 2 BED

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TEL: 952 907 014 www.focus-transport.com Do you need a han handyman? ndyman? ndyman?

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Mmm.....

Method

Pancake Recipe.....

1 Cup All-Purpose Flour 1 Egg Cup milk 1 Cup Granulated Sugar 1 Teaspoon (Heaped) Baking Powder 1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

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1 Cup cooking oil

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1 Table spoon of lemon juice added to 1

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Ingredients

1. Preheat a non-stick pan over medium heat.

2. In a blender, or with a mixer combine all if the remaining ingredients until smooth.

3. Pour the batter by spoonfuls into the hot pan, forming 12cm circles.

4. When the edges appear to harden, flip the pancakes, they should be light brown.

5. Cook on the other side for the same amount of time. They should be light brown.

Makes 8-10 pancakes – serve with ice cream, golden syrup/maple syrup or just lemon juice and sugar

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These are the best pancakes ever! The recipe can be easily doubled

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How Odd...

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bottom."

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? .

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . .

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why is there a light in the fridge but never in the freezer?

Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed considering what happens next?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme products, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?

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Golf Tips And Tricks

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Wrist Rotation Your wrists rotate in the swing. This rotation places your wrists at the right angle to complete your back swing, then returning to the set-up position for impact and finally completing the rotation to allow the finish of the follow through position.

When you change your grip position it is important that your wrist can freely make this movement, With your grip set in the wrong position, it is likely that you have restricted or overused the wrist rotation to help return the club face back to square at contact.

When you change your grip into position, you must work on the wrist movement to correct compensations made, or as a beginner, to get used to how it works and why it is needed.

This drill is designed to get you comfortable with your new grip position, and to reinstate the rotation, so that it will work correctly with in your swing movement.

1) Put your feet together setting your body parallel to your selected target line.

2) Make sure you have your grip set correctly.

3) Swing your club back to waist height, rotating your wrists as you do this.

4)Stop at waist height and check that the club is pointing along the line of your toes, and the back of your top hand on the grip in facing away from you.

5) Return the club back to the impact position, making sure the leading edge is back to square.

6) Take the club to waist height in the follow through, rotating your wrists as you make the

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Working In a New Grip Position Working a new , changed or corrected grip position into your routine can be difficult here are some tips to help With your new grip position in place, your practice must concentrate on making that new position feel comfortable and insuring the club is returned to the square set position for impact.

movement.

7) At waist height check that the club is pointing along the line of your toes, and that the back of LINE OF THE TOES your lower hand on the grip is pointing away from you.

8) Try this two or three times stopping at the checkpoints as described.

9) When you have a feeling for the movement, try 5 complete rotations without stopping at the three checkpoints.

10) Concentrate on the feeling that the club face is returning to square for impact.

11) When you are happy the grip is in place and the rotation is working, pick a target and play shots towards it still with your feet closed together using just over a half swing movement, concentrating on the correct grip position and the wrist rotation.

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Tip & drill for new grip positions.

by Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy

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MARK SIBLEY

PGA GOLF PROFESSIONAL

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S i l l y I n t e l l i g e n c e Te s t . . .

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If a blonde and a brunette both go for a job, which one gets it? The one with the bigger boobs.

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open the refrigerator put in the giraffeand shut the door.

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator take out the giraffe put the elephant in an close the door.

The lion king is hosting an animal conference. All the animals except one attend, which is the missing animal?The elephant!

He is in the refrigerator. Remember!!!

There’s a river you must cross, but crocodiles inhabit it – How do you manage? You swim across WHY? Because all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference!

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Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.

Some months have 31 days, how many have 28? All of them.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin? A lid.

Which is heavier – a kilo of feathers or a kilo of lead? Neither, they both weigh a kilo.

A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many does he have left? 9

in Canada? Because he is still alive.

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If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of? Glass.

If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh? Candy.

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Why can't a man living in the USA be buried

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T he Jokes page

page

We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."The wife says, "Not so, I'm definitely dead."Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.

Where would you go to see a man-eating fish? A seafood restaurant.

What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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There's this drunk guy who decides that he wants to go fishing. He packs up all his tackle and sets out in search of a suitable spot.

Eventually, he stumbles across a huge area of ice and decides that he'll give it a go.

Taking out a saw from his tackle box, he starts to saw a whole. Suddenly, a loud voice booms out at him, "There's no fish in here." The drunk looks all around him but can't see anyone. He decides to ignore the voice and carries on sawing.

Again, the voice booms out, "I've told you once, there's no fish in here!" He looks up again but there's still no sign of anyone so he returns to his task.

"Stop it!" shouts the now very angry sounding voice, "You'd better pack up your stuff and get out of here or there'll be trouble."

"Who are you" shouts the drunk guy, "you don't scare me!"

"Look," replies the voice, "I'm the manager of this Ice Rink!"

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A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells XL-size condoms.

"Yes we do," he replies: "Would you like to buy some?" "No thanks," she responds: "But do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

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The 3rd year class was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Jimmy got up to read his: "Daddy fell in the well last week..." he began.

"Good heavens," shrieked his teacher: "Is he all right now?"

"He must be," said Jimmy: "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Why where the Indians the first people in America? They had reservations.

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A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' with that pig?" "That's not a pig, stupid!" she said coldly."That's a duck." "I know," replied the drunk. "I was talking to the duck."

Why did the truck driver drive his truck off the cliff? He wanted to try out the air brakes.

An elderly couple are lying in bed one morning having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me!"

"Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead."The husband says to her, "What on earth are you talking about?

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during January...

Your social schedule will be ridiculously busy, weed out the invitations that really are not worth your time. No matter who you spend Valentine's Day with, don't let petty issues turn into huge problems on the 13th.

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Aries

Taurus

Gemini

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With Valentine's Day en route, and your sign being ruled by Venus, the Goddess of Love, you can create a mixture of your natural talents, you'll come up with a wonderful way to celebrate, and perhaps also to forge a new profession.

You've never been known to be shy, Gemini, or anything even remotely close, your ears will perk right up - and your heart, too. And with Valentine's Day just about here, well, it's entirely possibly that you'll fall in love at first sight!

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If you're happily attached, perfect!

You'll be madly, passionately in love just in time for Valentine's Day! If you're single, you're so good at spoiling others, you'll set the standard for Valentine's Day dates for anyone else. Focus your energies into positive outlets.

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Pisces

You must quite literally be on top of the world now. You and whoever you choose to spend Valentine's Day with will be absolutely inseparable from the 14th through the 19th. The magic won't end there, either!

Leo

Virgo

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Aquarius

You'll be at your best in February, especially on the 13th, when chatty Mercury in your own sign will contact passionate Mars, and on Valentine's Day, when the Sun will meet up with dreamy Neptune.

Cancer

Pluto is in your house of 1-2-1 relationships, making every encounter you have turn extremely deep and passionate. Add in Jupiter, who'll be in your house of long-distance friends and lovers, and you've got the perfect recipe for travelling. It's going to be a terrific month!

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Pluto God of the Underworld will meet up with Jupiter, the King of Mount Olympus, you'll have two of the heaven's most powerful Capricorn allies on your side. Careful - you may end up with too many admirers.

Libra

Scorpio

You are likely to have a veritable buffet of admirers on hand, offering so many evenings out that you may have problems getting to work! If you have time off, take some of it now, especially with Valentine's Day right around the corner!

Whether you're attached or single, you'll a memorable Valentine's Day. Especially for those of you who are happily attached and thinking of taking things a step further. If you're single, that won't last long.

Your house of love affairs will play host to Venus, the Goddess of Love, and Jupiter, the generous King of the Gods. After the 18th, you won't have much time to yourself - but why would you want it?

Indulge in your favourite pastime.

You thought you were straight-talking before, well, you won't believe what will tumble out of your mouth in February. Valentine's Day is coming up, so try your best to be Sagittarius gentle with your sweetheart - even if you can only manage it for a few days

CAR STICKER WINNER

Puzzel It Out Solutions Solutions From Page 60

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Just Say What You See Up In Smoke Red Alert Picture Puzzles Did you see nine faces?

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THIS MONTH’S WINNING REGISTRATION NUMBER IS MA5390BZ WHO WINS €200!!!

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Crossword Solution

106.1FM

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Mathematical Teaser The original length of belt was 96 cm.

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