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Happy New Year!
Can you believe it is 2014 already? Christmas has been and gone and we have had far too much to eat and drink again. Unfortunately Santa forgot to bring the Bentley – maybe next year! However it was really nice to spend time with the family and friends. So it’s time now to make the New Year resolutions, all the usual things – loose the excess weight gained over the last month, start going to the gym, and the many others that seemed like great idea at five to midnight on the 31st December as the bubbly was being consumed. I wonder how long we will stick to them hopefully a bit longer the three days last year! If you need any ideas in this direction see the funny suggestions on page 14. Happy Chinese New Year “Gung hay fat choy“ celebrated on the 31st of the month, this year it’s the year of the Horse. This year events include: The 2014 Winter Olympics to be held in Sochi, Russia in February. Also in June & July – The 2014 FIFA World Cup will be held in Brazil. Whatever the year brings for you, we hope it’s a happy and prosperous one, and remember... It’s only eleven months until Christmas!
ous New Year... er sp ro P & y lth ea H , py ap H Costa Link Wish you a CAR PAGE
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Guide
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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com 58
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:09 PM Page 6
A Woman’s World It’s all about us ladies...
GIRLIE WISDOM! • I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker’s. • A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care. • One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs. • The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes. • Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgot ten my address, my mother's maiden name my children and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. • My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. • Amazing! You hang something in your wardrobe for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes! • Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. • The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. • Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness. • The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
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HOT GOSS!
THE INBETWEENERS THE MOVIE TWO.... The Inbetweeners Movie 2 started filming on location in Australia last month. The comedy sequel, which will be directed by series creators Iain Morris and Damon Beesley, it will move to the UK in January 2014. Simon Bird, James Buckley, Joe Thomas and Blake Harrison are all returning for the follow-up.The film also has a new cast addition in the form of Freddie Stroma, best known for playing Harry Potter's Cormac McLaggen. Stroma will play a wealthy young man who meets the quartet on their travels. It will be released across the UK and Ireland in August, 2014. WELL DONE TO SAM BAILEY FOR WINNING X FACTOR BUT‌ KATIE HOPKINS HAS BEEN AT IT AGAIN, CALLING HER 'FAT MUM IN A JUMPSUIT'.... Oh god, make it stop. Make it go away. What does Katie Hopkins have inside her to make her say such horrible stuff all the time? Is everything OK, Katie? Should you maybe stop chewing wasps? This time the Apprentice loser put X Factor winner Sam Bailey within her crosshairs and took aim, calling her a "fat mum in a jumpsuit" and suggesting she has the "heart of a prison warden". In an online article penned by Katie, she insinuated that Sam wouldn't be doing too well with her musical career, saying: "The next time you see Sam will be on the final of X Factor 2014." Why is the woman soooooooo mean? CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2014 KICKS OFF ON THE 3RD OF JANUARY... While we speculate over who might be going in (Katie Price! Katie Hopkins! Sam Faiers! Dappy off of N-Dubz!), Channel 5 have got the interior designers in to give the house a regal makeover. Which sort of matches with the new CBB logo unveiled earlier this month, all ornate patterns and a guilded, diamante camera-eye in the middle. Will the winner of CBB be installed as next-in-line to the throne? Is that the prize? There is even a massive Polar Bear ohhhhhhhh...
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:10 PM Page 11
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:10 PM Page 12
HOT GOSS USA...
MILA KUNIS & ASHTON KUTCHER ‘LOOKING AT CASTLES’ FOR ROMANTIC WEDDING… Sounds like Kelso and Jackie are getting closer and closer to a wedding! The on-screen and now 0ff-screen couple have been dating for a year and a half and are reportedly planning to walk down the aisle very soon! Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis ”see no reason to wait” to start a family, a source told OK! magazine, and they’re actually planning the big day! “They like the idea of marrying somewhere historic,” a friend of Mila’s told the mag. “They’ve looked at castles and even toyed with the idea of Stonehenge.” REVENGE IS SWEET! LISA VANDERPUMP GLAD FANS ARE SEEING BRANDI GLANVILLE ‘CAUSE A LOT OF THE DRAMA’… Lisa Vanderpump is finally getting her revenge against Brandi Glanville following months of animosity that found the British reality star sliding down the popularity scale. “Now that the tides are turning against Brandi, Lisa has been telling people that she is glad people are finally realizing that she isn’t the villan that everyone thought she was”. “No one ever thought Lisa and Brandi would stop being friends, but it happened and Lisa was really hurt by the massive backlash she received. Brandi has also tried to offer half-hearted apologies for her racist remark to Joyce Giraud that she didn’t swim because she is black, but her co-star says the efforts ring hollow and that she really dislikes her now. LAMAR ODOM BELIEVES ESTRANGED WIFE KHLOE KARDASHIAN HAS BEEN SECRETLY DATING SOMEONE ELSE ‘FOR MONTHS’… Lamar Odom believes that all while he was desperately trying to save his marriage to Khloe Kardashian, the E! reality starlet was secretly hooking up with Los Angeles Dodges star Matt Kemp behind-his-back.
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FUNNIEST NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
• I won't worry so much. • I will grow my hair. • I will be more imaginative. • When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" • I will not tell the same story at every get together. • I will think of a password other than "password", "hello" or my “(my name+123”). • I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine.....if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks! • I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse when phoning in sick..... • I will think of some more excuses. • I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. • I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water. • Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing. • I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly..... • I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses. • I resolve to work with neglected children..... my own. • I will remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
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three wishes...
be more frog!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.
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TRIVIA QUIZ
1) ‘Toad of Toad Hall’ was a dramatisation based on which book? 2) What is a ‘Durian’ – is it a fruit, plant or vegetable? 3) What word describes a unit of weight and an animal enclosure? 4) What do the initials ‘BHP’ stand for? 5) Who was Mr Universe between 1978 and 1980? 6) What colour tongues do giraffes have? 7) Which TV character lived on Scatterbrook Farm? 8) Which former South Africa President died last month? 9)Which country does the international car registration letters ‘ET’ represent? 10) How many strings are there on a double bass? 11) Which Prince’s childhood
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nickname was ‘Jaws’ – was it Charles, Andrew or Edward? 12) Which novel is set in Narnia? 13) Newmarket and Ipswich are in which county? 14) How much are you paid if you hold an honorary post? 15) What was sought by Jason and the Argonauts? 16) Which suspension bridge spans the River Avon? 17) What was the name of AA Milne’s son? 18) What type of drink is Harvey’s Bristol Cream? 19) Who won I’m a Celebrity get me out of here 2013? 20) What word links a group of whales with a group of peas? 21) Which part of the human body shares its name with a punctuation mark? 22) Which childhood disease has
the same virus as Shingles? 23) In which decade was the Wispa launched? 24) Which word can go before beans, quartet and vest? 25) What colour is cayenne pepper? 26) In which English County is Telford? 27) What type of animals were Lady and the Tramp? 28)Which profession is associated with Saville Row? 29) Which voice is higher – tenor or baritone? 30) Which number does the Roman Numeral XC represent?
Answers on page 76
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Home Remedie’s for Illness
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. Got a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache. 8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. 10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
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TV Show’s
that should be remade...
We were watching Open All Hours on the tele over Christmas and started thiniking they should re-make a few classics. Americans are always doing it, arguably ruining some of our best-loved shows (except The Office) but here are some shows that need a remake....
The Equalizer Why it should be remade: Imagine Breaking Bad only with Walt as a benevolent vigilante, taking down pimps and drug dealers, and you’re not that far off. The show followed Robert McCall, a retired CIA agent who looks to make up for the misdeeds in his life by freely offering his expertise to those in need. Invariably, this pitted him against the worst New York had to offer, Taxi Driver style, but unlike Robert De Niro in his prime, Woodward was nearly sixty when filming the series, which takes it to a whole new level of cool. . It is being re-made as a film staring Denzil Washington being released in early 2014 but we think they should re-make the series. What do you reckon?? The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Why it should be remade: It could star the entire Smith family but we really just want Will & Carlton back. Will Smith was gone the King of Cool an still is (for some). Which is why, almost twenty years since the final episode, a remake of the show that started it all would be a win-win. Whether you actively followed the antics of Will, Carlton, and the rest, or just knew the theme song, getting Smith back to his not-quite-so-humble roots in his mansion in Bel-Air would put him back to when we liked him best.
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TV Show’s
con’t
that should be remade...
The Crystal Maze Retake Saturday evening telly with something worth watching. The genius of The Crystal Maze lay in the way it destroyed its intrepid team of contestants by forcing them to face tasks individually while under the accusing gaze of their teammates. The divide and conquer dynamic only improved when a contestant failed to get out of a challenge room in time and was locked in, meaning their friends and family had to decide whether to sacrifice one of their precious crystals to free them. Ultimately however, this decision was largely meaningless, as the best part of The Crystal Maze was the fact it often seemed basically impossible to win - of the 100-odd teams that entered, a meagre 17 emerged the other side victorious. Although mass fallouts between team members were pretty rare, we reckon in this reality TV age they’d be a weekly occurrence. Takeshi's Castle Why it should be remade: It’s the best game show, ever. The legendary Takeshi’s Castle ran for just a couple of years in the late 80s (yes it was in the 80s!), and although it's inspired countless copies and imitators, it's quite simply never been matched for sheer insanity. Arguably the best thing about Takeshi’s Castle is that, as an English-speaking audience, we basically have no idea what's going on. Craig Charles would no doubt be up for reprising his role as our interpreter, and if any of the brilliant prank clips we are routinely fed from the Land of the Rising Sun are anything to go by, there’s no shortage of Japanese nationals willing to subject themselves to any of the fantastic challenges that put Wipeout to shame. The true charm of Takeshi’s Castle lies in the fact that all of the effort was almost always for nothing; of the 133 editions, the Castle was successfully seized just 3 times.
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HOW TO BUILD THE PERFECT MAN CAVE... Every Lad wants one but not all are lucky enough to have one. Surely these hidden corners of testosterone hold the top spot of any bloke’s fantasy that doesn't involve a woman. But what exactly sets a real bonafide Man Cave apart from you regular, run-of-the-mill, ten-a-penny shed? A MASSIVE TV: This should be the centerpiece of your dedicated space. Through it you’ll view wondrous sights and travel to mystical, far off lands. You’ll shoot baddies. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll view some of the clearest HD porn you’ve ever experienced in your life. Remember anything less than 32 inches is a waste of time. GAMES CONSOLES. AND LOTS OF THEM: There’s no point having a telly the size of Frasier Crane’s forehead if you haven’t got any shoot-emups to project onto it. You should get an XBox One or a PS4 so just get both and make sure you keep hold of your Xbox 360 and PS3 for what will now be the retro classics. A good Man Cave requires you to be able to cater for any eventuality, so throw a Nintendo Wii U into the trolley while you’re at it. A WELL COMFY CHAIR: This will be your throne, so choose it wisely. The obvious choice would be to go for a La-Z-Boy Recliner. A wipe-friendly, leather surface is also preferable. Remember: what happens in the Man Cave, stays in the Man Cave. MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS: Let’s not forget that your Man Cave is the one place where you can let go and truly be yourself. If for you that involves making your eardrums bleed by banging away on a drum kit or and old Fender guitar, then so be it. Make sure you get something that’ll make the neighbors know that you mean business. A MINI FRIDGE: Watching sport and playing games is hungry, tiring work and when you’ve finally finished watching telly you’ll want to reward yourself with some fine foods. Just don’t forget the beer and salty snacks.
A Man’s World
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Health Well Being &
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CONTINUED FROM LAST MONTH... OILY FISH COUNTERACTS DRY SKIN salmon, sardines and mackerel all contain essential omega-3 fatty acids that our body needs, but can’t make by itself. while we tend to think of such acids as ‘brain food’ they are also vital for great skin. without getting too scientific they form part of the membrane surrounding each skin cell, helping them to stay healthy and retain water. two portions of oily fish a week should do the trick.
foods with secret beauty powers complexions glowing with health.
mangoes help to battle eczema this tropical fruit doesn’t only taste great it’s also one of the richest food sources of beta-carotene – an antioxidant that’s also a precursor to the formation of vitamin a. vitamin a is also brilliant for general skin maintenance and protecting against sun damage.
leafy greens re-balance the body most of us now eat a diet that’s very high in acid due to the presence of processed foods, so eating something to counter or buffer this can be really powerful. greens such as watercress, spinach and kale are nature’s secret eggs boost stronger hair and skin calming ingredient and a rich source of alkaline minerals eggs are a great source of protein, which your skin needs – plus they’re also high in magnesium and calcium so for building collagen, helping it to look firm and youthful. good for bones. it’s also essential for the formation of strong hair. and the good news is that you can now crack open as many as coconut keeps skin lubricated you like with new research showing that eggs don’t in fact this is one of our favourite foods with secret beauty powraise cholesterol levels, shattering previous thinking. ers, coconut contains lauric acid which helps keep our bodies balanced and skin to retain water. you can eat it avocadoes help you glow raw, shredded, as milk or even oil. these tasty green pears are really rich in vitamin e and essential fats, helping our skin to stay supple and
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Medical Tips
positively pink and blue’s
2013 screening programme closes for another year
Positively Pink & Blue are the mijas based charities closing another successful year of offering free breast and prostate / testicular cancer screening to uk expatriate’s living on the costa del sol.
during 2013 over 560 women have accessed the free breast screening programme with thankfully only a small number of ladies receiving a positive diagnosis. some of these ladies have already had their treatment and we are pleased to report they are doing well but Positively Pink continues to support those ladies who are still receiving treatment. 2013 saw the introduction of the positively blue programme to provide education, awareness and support for prostate and testicular cancer. in its 1st year positively blue had an overwhelming response to the 100 free appointments that were on offer, in-fact the charity funded a total of 136 appointments for prostate cancer screening and educated them all testicular cancer and the need to self examine.
during the 2013 programme Positively Pink & Blue has spent in excess of €51,680.00 to ensure that all uk expatriates living on the coast regardless of age or circumstances have access to free screening, education and support in their own language.
lorraine palmer the founder of Positively Pink & Blue continues to believes that “early detection is your best protection” she would like to thank everyone who has supported the charity this year, from our small team of volunteers who work tirelessly (especially pat & lee Jay from yJt inland radio who give so much) to those who have attended the programmes and made a donation through to all the local businesses that have given so generously to ensure that we have sufficient funds to continue this potentially lifesaving work in the years to come. a special thank you to dr david deardon (head of the Positively Pink screening programme) and dr kleimier (head of the Positively Blue programme) as well as the whole team at clinica medicare in la cala, all of whom provide their time, the clinic space and their expertise free of charge to the charity. we are delighted to announce that in 2014 we will be offering both screening programmes again starting in february and our aim is to offer 1000 breast screening appointments and 200 prostate and testicular cancer appointments. further details on the 2014 programme as well as our calendar of fund raising events will be issued early in the new year.
for more information about Positively Pink & Blue please visit our website: www.positively-pink.com / www.positively-blue.com or follow us on facebook.
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Doctor, Doctor!
BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help." A Doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The Doctor gets up in a rage and he says out of the blue, "and you are no good in bed either" he storms out of the house. After sometime he realises he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to phone after many rings and the irritated husband says "what took you so long to answer the phone"? She says, "I was in bed". "In bed this late, doing what"? "Getting a second opinion" she says. A BLONDE AT THE DOCTORS A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt. The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where." The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!" Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!" She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!" She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!" The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You've just got a broken finger."
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5IF BU Medi$BSF VOEFSTUBOE 5 IF UUFBN FBN B U Medi $BSF V OEFSTUBOE UUIF IF " " GVMM SBOHF PG TFSWJDFT DPWFSJOH GVMM SBOHF PG TFSSWWJDFT DPWFSJOH OFFE UP TFF BMM PG PVS DMJFOUT BT JOEJWJEVBMT O FFE UP TFF BMM PG PVS DMJFOUT BT JOEJWJEVBMT t 1PTU PQFSBUJWF DBSF SFIBCJMJUBUJPO t 1PTU PQFSBUJWF DBSF SFIBCJMJUBUJPO BOE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS B OE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS tt 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO TTQFDJmD OFFET QFDJmD OFFET tt 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF tt 0SUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 0SSUUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO Established on the Costa del Sol since 2001 tt 3FTQJUF $BSF 3FTQJUF $BSF TTelephone: elephone: 952 835 776 tt %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT 24 Hour Helpline: 667 733 520 tt (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF tt &TDPSUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF &TDPSSUUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF www.medicarenursingservices.com www.medicarenursingservices.com Q Quality uality iinn eevery very aaspect spect ooff ccare are aass w well ell aass ssupport upport iinn ttimes imes ooff nneed! eed! info@medicarenursingservices.com info@medicarenursingservices.com
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:15 PM Page 38
HOW TO FIND HAppiness
#1 Parenting and hugs A study found a direct correlation between how much parents hug their children and how happy those children are later in life. Parents, don't shy away from those PDAs!
#2 Work for yourself: You have to be making 2.5x as much money to be as happy working for someone else as you would be working for yourself. This information comes to you courtesy of Malcolm Gladwell, renowned sociologist and general cool guy. #3 Exercising helps: If you do 20 minutes of exercise, three days per week for six months, your general feeling of happiness will improve by 10-20%. All the more reason to hit the gym sooner rather than later! #4 Givers are happier: People who give gifts experience significantly more happiness than if they were to have spent that money on themselves.
#5 Conservatives are happier: A study published in "Psychological Science" found that conservative people report significantly higher levels of happiness than liberals. This gap in happiness has got larger as economic inequality has become more accentuated over the decades.
#6 Women should be more attractive in a couple: In married couples, it was found that both spouses tended to be happier overall when the female was more attractive than the male. This study was conducted paying attention to both social support behavior within the couple, and reports of marital satisfaction. Continued on page 42...
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HOW TO FIND HAppiness
#7 Video games: One study showed that people who play video games on a consistent basis experience less unhappy dreams than those who do not. The reason for this, according to the researchers, is that playing video games allows the mind to undergo "threat resolution rehearsal," letting it relax when it's at rest.
#8 Marriage: People who are in a closed relationship or are married report being happier than those who are not. Also of note, the least happy people tend to be those who say they are in an open relationship, and of those the least happy tend to be men.
#9 Small talk: Happy people report being very social, but they also report engaging in about 1/3 the amount of small talk as others. Talk to people if you're genuinely interested, but don't fake it. #10 Breaks: Taking break or being interrupted in the middle of something can make good activities feel better and bad activities feel worse. Really gives new meaning to "stop and enjoy the flowers!" #11 Happiest and least happy places: Some of the happiest places in the world are North America, Northern Europe, Saudi Arabia, Australia, and New Zealand. Some of the least happy? Eastern Europe, Northern and Central Africa, Pakistan, and Turkmenistan. #12 Sad movies = happy viewers: Watching extremely sad movies tends to make the viewer happier. To test this theory, scientists used the movie Atonement, which has been described as "every sad movie ever made, for two hours."
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New Year New Car??
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We take a look of a few of the cars that we are likely to see on our roads during 2014. The Jaguar F-type Coupé will be the most "performance-focused" Jaguar production car ever it will be priced at around 70.000€ from March onwards.
Mercedes-Benz confirmed that the S-Class Coupé concept car that made its debut at the 2013 Frankfurt motor show is a "concrete vision of the next model generation". The production version will get toned-down details, but the overall shape is likely to remain much the same when it goes on sale as a replacement for the current CL in mid-2014.
The Porsche Macan is likely to become a familiar sight when it arrives in showrooms next spring. Sportier, cheaper and more car park-friendly than the Cayenne, it's likely to be a formidable rival for the Range Rover Evoque and Jaguar's forthcoming SUV. On sale: Available to order now / deliveries from April. The Range Rover Evoke convertible will appear this year. Based on the three-door Coupe model, it will have a fabric hood rather than a folding metal roof and will share engines and layouts with the existing car, meaning a choice of petrol or diesel as well as two- or four-wheel drive.
Although still recognisably a Mondeo, the newgeneration large Ford looks sharper and has grown in size. Ford is promising best in class fuel economy thanks to the fitment of its 1.0-litre Ecoboost engine.
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Top 10 facts about CORONATIONS 1. The website streetmap.co.uk lists 74 Coronation Streets in Britain.
2. Within six months of its start, Coronation Street was the most-watched programme in the UK.
3. Edward V (abducted) and Edward VIII (abdicated) were the only English monarchs who never had coronations. 4. In 1821 George IV excluded his unpopular wife Queen Caroline from his coronation. 5. Coronation chicken was first made for the coronation of Elizabeth II in 1953.
6. Research in 1997 showed that the mortality rates of Coronation Street characters are worse than those of oil rig divers or bomb disposal men. 7. New characters in their twenties had a 10 per cent chance of being killed off within five years.
8. The Rovers Return Inn in Coronation Street takes its name from the Rover’s Return in Withy Grove, Manchester, which was demolished in 1958.
9. An emergency royal appendectomy led to the postponement of Edward VII’s coronation in 1901.
10. Only one of the 17 wives of Emperor Bokassa of the Central African Republic was allowed to attend his lavish coronation in 1977.
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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!
tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?
HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!
teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet
Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-
Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.
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Oops..... my mistake! A man was standing next in line at a checkout, when the attractive blonde woman in front of him turned around and gave him a big smile. “Hello,” she said, as she waited for her change. “Er, I'm sorry. Do I know you?” The man said in some confusion. “Oh, my mistake. I thought you were the father of one of my children,” she said apologetically, and picking up her shopping, she left the store. The man was astonished. He thought how amazing that a good looking woman like that should have forgotten who fathered her children. Then he began to worry. He had had an encounter in his youth that could have resulted in a child he didn’t know about. She had been blonde, pretty, and about the same height. On leaving the store, he saw the woman getting into her car. He ran over to her and said, “Look, you couldn’t have been the girl I met that night at a party in Hampstead, in 1980 could you? We sh***ed on the billiards table in front of everyone, things got really wild and I got so drunk that I didn't get your number." The woman looked utterly outraged and said, “No! I’m your son’s English teacher.”
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Strangebuttrue...
STILETTO SURGERY
HIGH HEELS CAN HURT: Any woman who has slipped on a pair of sexy slingbacks personally knows the pain involved in looking good. High heel shoes have been medically proven to be bad for your feet, legs, body, and posture. However, that hasn’t stopped millions of trend setting women from enduring the pain for the glamorous look. QUICK! CALL A DOCTOR! Instead of listening to medical reason and relinquishing this season’s hottest heels, some women have opted for dramatic Stiletto Surgery. Stiletto Surgery comes in a variety of forms, but it basically involves major surgery on your feet to make those high heels a bit more comfortable and fit better, or to make your feet look better in sandals. PICK YOUR PEDI: So, what do you need altered? Are the soles are your feet in constant pain? Have trouble cramming your toes into tight heels? Do you have fugly toes that you are embarrassed to display during the summer? Chances are, there is a surgery for you! Toe Shortening: Removes bone to shorten the toe. This surgery is for women that have trouble fitting their toes into tight shoes. Toe Lengthening: The toe bone is stretched or fused with an implant to make short toes appear more even with the rest of the foot. Toe Straightening: Corrects the angle of the toe bone to straighten the digit. Foot Narrowing: Shaves off bunions, or removes the pinky toe to make the foot more slender. Hyperhidrosis: Injects botox to curb excess sweating Foot Padding: Injects fat into the foot pad to provide more cushioning
GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA
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Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206
CLM©2008
HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:18 PM Page 54
FINANCIAL NEWS Another year over, another begins....
The news last year was full to the brim with the Greece and Cyprus situation, the whole "will they or wont they" leave the single currency came and went, they got their trances of money from the IMF, European central bank and any one else that was willing to lend, Cyprus raided its depositors account all in the name of saving its banks.
rate, if it falls to 7% or lower then interest rates will go up, will this burst the housing bubble in the UK that everyone keeps talking about and how many more banks will have to face fines due to rate or anything else fixing.
The USA still have to address their debt ceiling, it seems they like to kick the can down the road and Ireland came out of recession and Spain seemed to wait to catch up with it. February is the next deadbe on a firmer footing, France got down graded along line, lets see what happens. with other euro nations. Lets hope the new year does not bring too many surWhat will 2014 bring? The UK looks strong at the prise. moment, however all eyes are on the unemployment If you would like further information please contact Moneycorp on
952 587 657
and quote Costa Link Magazine
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:19 PM Page 56 The ultimate comfort dish gets a superhealthy makeover... Cosy up in January with this yummy pie!
Steak & kidney pie Ingredients:
• 200g lamb's kidneys, halved • 1 tbsp rapeseed oil • 2 medium onions, chopped • 2 bay leaves • 4 thyme sprigs • 600g lean stewing steaks,
Method:
cut into chunks • 100ml red wine • 2 tsp tomato purée • 1 tsp Strong mustard powder • 2 tbsp plain flour • 1 large carrot, chopped • 4 flat mushrooms, halved • 3 tbsp chopped parsley
For the pastry • 140g plain flour plus extra for dusting • 1 tsp thyme leaves • 25g very cold butter • 4 tbsp 2% fat Greek yogurt • 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1) Cut out and discard the thin tubes from the kidneys. Rinse the kidneys in cold water until the water runs clear, then chop them into small pieces. Heat the oil in a large saucepan or deep sauté pan. Add the onions, bay and thyme sprigs and fry over a medium heat for 8-10 mins until the onions are really golden, stirring often. Put the kettle on. 2) Add the steak and kidney to the pan and stir-fry briefly, just until it loses its pink colour. Turn up the heat, pour in the wine, stir to deglaze the bottom of the pan, then let it boil over a high heat for 2-3 mins until reduced and absorbed into the meat. Stir in the tomato purée and mustard powder. Sift in the flour, stirring, then stir for a couple of mins. Pour in 400ml boiling water and continue stirring until the mixture starts to boil and is thickened. Tip in the carrot and both mushrooms, reduce the heat, cover with a lid, then leave to simmer gently for about 1 hr, stirring occasionally. Remove the lid and simmer another 25-30 mins or until the meat is very tender and the gravy has thickened slightly. 3) Remove from the heat and remove the bay leaves and thyme sprigs. Stir in the parsley, season to taste, then transfer to a pie or ovenproof dish (22-23cm in diameter, 6cm deep, 1.7-litre capacity or similar), then leave to cool slightly. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. 4) While the meat is cooling, make the pastry. Put the flour, and thyme if using, into a bowl. Grate in the cold or frozen butter, make a well in the centre, then add the yogurt, olive oil, a pinch of salt and a good grinding of black pepper. Using a round-bladed knife, mix together with 2 tsp cold water, then gently gather together with your hands to form a dough. Remove from the bowl and knead briefly until smooth. 5) Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface so it’s slightly bigger than the top of the pie dish. Lay the pastry over the meat and trim the edges with scissors so it slightly overhangs the edge of the dish. Make 2 small slits in the centre. Flute the edges, then roll out the trimmings and cut out 6 diamond-shaped leaves. Dampen one side and lay them on the pastry lid. Place the dish on a baking sheet, then bake in the oven for about 25 mins or until the pastry is golden.
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What’Guide s On
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What’s on at Tikitano this month: 3rd January 2014: A tribute to Michael Buble 10th January 2014: A tribute to the Four Tops 17th January 2014: The Lola Boys. 24th January 2014: The best of Broadway. 31st January 2014: The Rat Pack. Reservations are required for all shows please call Tikitano on 952 79 84 49 or see the website www.tikitano.com. December 15th 2014 to January 9th: Marbella ice skating rink is open to the public at the Palacio de Ferias y Congresos in the heart of Marbella. This 800 sq. meter ice skating rink also includes a Christmas market, bouncy castle, trampoines, carousel and children's attractions. Hours are from 12:00pm until 11:00pm. January 5th 2014: Is the eve of the Three Kings Day, Dia de Reyes. There are parades throughout Andalucia: The biggest are in Marbella, Fuengirola also in San Pedro and up and down the Costa. January 6th 2014: Three Kings Day / Public Holiday thoroughout the Costa del Sol. January 8th 2014: The Palacio de Ferias y Congresos in Marbella will be hosting a tasting of a giant Roscon de Reyes cake this Sunday January 8, 2012 at 12:00pm. This giant cake baked by Pastelería Custodio will be cut into 1,000 pieces and sold for 1 euro each. The tasting coincides with the last day of the ice skating rink which was installed by Marbella Town Hall especially during the Christmas holidays. January 10th - February 10th 2014: Art Exhibition "Abstract Expressionism" by Xandra de Vos at the: Casa Museo de Mijas Plaza de la Libertad, 2 Mijas Pueblo. www.xandradevos.com January 18th - February 10th 2014: The Marbella Carnival includes fun and entertainment in four different areas of the city - Marbella center, San Pedro de Alcantara, Nueva Andalucia and Las Chapas. This is a time where everyone dresses up in costume and participates in a number of activities offered by the city. For more details go to www.marbella.es of Marbella Town Hall. January 21st 2014: Estepona Floral Art Club will be holding its first flower arranging demonstration of 2014 from 3.15pm to 5pm at Tikitano’s Beach and Restaurant, Estepona. The demonstration is entitled “A New Year, A New Beginning”. Please call Jo on 952 89 13 85 or send an email to esteponafloralartclub@hotmail.com for more information. Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, nr Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa. Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771. Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at the Cafe in Supersol, El Zoco, Calahonda or call us on Tel 952 933 409 for more information. Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Click here for more details. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking. Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.
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666 089 427
private buyer
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ocal Info Emergency Numbers
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Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica
Medical
112 091 092 062
Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267
Health Centres
Town Halls
Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100
Fire Brigade
Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A
952 952 952 952 952 952 952
Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro
952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252
352 475 226 604 212 226 474
300 108 373 383 442 590 891
Tourist Information
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Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026
Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700
Consulates
Transport
Markets
Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona
Cinemas
(Marina)
All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well
as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622
Chemists
24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89
Taxis
Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593
Diary Dates
1st January 2011 - New Years Day / Public Holiday
5th January 2011 - Is the eve of the Three Kings Day, Dia de Reyes. There are parades throughout Andalucia. 6th January 2011 - Three Kings Day / Public Holiday
25th January 2011 - Burns night.
if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669
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S TA R S I GN S
A look at what's in store for you during January 2014.....
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
Aries
Taurus
Gemini 64
Capricorn you have an extremely busy and powerful start to the year. Mars is in your sign all January, which gives a big increase in energy and enthusiasm. Self-confidence and sexual attractiveness is boosted, people will be drawn to your directness and strong desire to succeed. You will be very competitive but this attitude will not threaten others, in fact you should gain support for your actions. This also means that your birthday should be very good. A promising omen for the year ahead and you should take advantage of this to start new projects, be more daring and go for what you truly desire, compete to win! With Mercury passing through your sign from January 22nd to 27th, your mind will be extra sharp. Now you can put the extra confidence and energy to use in interacting with others to get even more support for your plans. Aquarius you start the New Year with Mercury in your sign from January 1st to 8th. This will broaden your mind and also your interactions with others. You will have a busy week catching up with friends and family also traveling around. You will be more communicative and have piles of paperwork to do. You should be mentally focused to handle the increased information coming in and may find yourself playing a more active role in conversations, even acting as a negotiator. Venus in your sign from January 6th to 14th brings the activity into personal relationships where more closeness gives warm feelings. You will be radiating more love which others will find attractive, so compliments and gifts may come your way. This is also a favorable time financially to invest in you, your image, clothes, jewelry, makeovers etc. Pisces you may have some tension to deal with as Mars is opposite your sign throughout January. There could be challenges you have to overcome in order to achieve a certain goal or simply just to be yourself. You will have a lot of energy, but it will be hard to channel constructively. Anger or frustration is likely and especially from January 1st to 8th you will need to show restraint in dealing with other people. This will increase your impulsive urges and a tendency to react in a hostile manner. Sharp words could inflame delicate situations. Your thinking will be more erratic and rushed, so avoid confrontation or making important decisions this week. Things will improve with the Sun over your sign from January 11th to 20th then Mercury rising from January 22nd to 27th. You will be able to think more clearly and express yourself much better now. Aries you will be busy from January 8th to 15th with Mercury in your sign. The increase in communications and rushing around on errands will leave you a bit stressed and the hectic mental activity may also lead to some miss-communication with the chance of some arguments. Better to delay important decisions if you can and try not to sign anything too important till later in the month. Things look much smoother with the January 1st new moon; this energizing and creative force will last for the next four weeks. Now is the time to initiate important projects because you have extra self-confidence and will promote yourself very well. Your career, home life and personal relationships should all benefit, as people will tend to assist, more than resist your efforts. Taurus you have a promising start to the New Year from January 8th to 15th Mercury will be in your sign. Conversations should be rewarding and pleasant as you can express yourself confidently and clearly. Your mind will be sharp as a tact, which means you can attend to paperwork with ease and also negotiate a better deal at work and clear up any relationship difficulties. From January 14th to 22nd, these relationships will go through a period of warmth and affection where your attractiveness draws compliments and favors from others. Making new friends through increased socializing is possible, and spending money at this time should not hurt the bank balance too much. However, a more defensive attitude will be needed for the coming weeks with the January 1st new moon. Gemini you may have a few tense days in relationships with Venus in your sign from January 14th to 22nd. You will be seeking more love and affection, but may not always get exactly what you want. There can be a tendency to expect too much without making the effort during this time, as you would rather avoid hard work right now. Overindulgence with money is something to be careful of at the moment, as racking up unnecessary debt on the credit card is a real temptation. Overall though, this month is really good with the January 1st & 30th new moons. This harmonious moon will last for a number of weeks into February and give you a feeling of emotional balance and calm. Plans should work out fine because others are more likely to help you. This is an ideal time to promote your ideas, make new friends or contacts.
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Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Cancer you will have a busy week from January 8th to 15th with Mercury opposite sign. This hectic time with increased running around and communication is likely to cause some nervous tension and scattered thinking. You may find that because you mind is so busy, it is more difficult to express yourself clearly. This could lead to some conflict as others misunderstand your intentions or plainly work against you. You may not think so, but others could see you as being selfish or not thinking rationally this week. Things quickly get more peaceful with Venus progressing into your sign from January 14th to 22nd. Relationships run more smoothly under this influence with a lot less friction and a general feeling of harmony and inner balance. Leo you have no real action till later in the month so enjoy the break because the January the 1st new moon opposite your sign will create some tension in your life for a few weeks. The difficulties arise as your ego comes up against resistance from others, it seems like they just make things harder for you. The problems are more likely to come from men and authority figures, but relationships in general can also be the source of discord. This will be especially true from January 27th to February 3rd with Mercury passing opposite your sign. For this week, the tension and frustration is more likely to spill over and cause arguments. After a week of ego conflicts etc you will feel a little touchier and defensive, you will have a strong urge to speak your mind. This is not the best time for signing contracts, making important long-term decisions or making deals aiming influence on those around you, and look and feel more beautiful. Virgo you have energetic and sexy Mars in your sign for all of January. There are positives to this such as increased sexual attractiveness, physical strength, and ability to get what you want. Mars stations retrograde on the 24th, which can mean the more negatives sides of being self assertive and aggressive can be problematic, such as disregard for others in the quest for victory. However I think the very helpful supporting transits will mean you can have great successes this month. From January 1st to 8th with Mercury in your sign you will need to restrain yourself a bit to avoid arguments and temper tantrums. Your mind will be too rushed to make important decisions, so hold back a bit and wait. From January 11th to 20th, the sun will be in Virgo, which is most fortunate, indicating harmonious relationships, increased confidence and personal power. Libra you can look forward to a nice start to the New Year, though later in January some tension may pop up. From January 1st to 8th, Mercury in your sign should bring pleasant communications and an alert mind. Your clear thinking means that you can project your thoughts and plans in a way which wins approval, and this also makes social situations more comfortable, a good time to make new friends. From January 6th to 14th Venus will really improve the chance of more loving and warm relationships with partners, friends and family. If you are single then it also increases you chances of attracting a mate because of increased charisma and social skills. Tension arises later this month coming from Mercury rising from January 22nd to 27th. Think twice before entering into arguments, as you are likely to be on the back foot and open to disappointment.
Scorpio
Scorpio you have the action planet Mars in your sign for all of January. This will increase your selfconfidence and energy levels, and also your magnetic attractiveness to others. Especially later in the month this influence means this is the time to start new projects and go for what you desire, because you will face little opposition. Promote yourself and climb the ladder of success. The only hurdle will be in the love department from January 6th to 14th with Venus square over your sign, but with Mars working for you, any relationship difficulties can be sorted out through your passionate enthusiasm and willingness to please. From January 11th to 20th, the Sun is over Scorpio, which intensifies the passion for victory from Mars. Definitely a week to play your hand, as your confidence and energy will be soaring.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius you start the New Year off with the harmonious transit of Venus in your sign from December 29th to January 6th. Warm and loving relations with friends and partners means you will want to enjoy socializing this week and attending parties, good timing! The perfect week for a holiday or some retail therapy purchases of luxury or beauty products favored, lucky you! However you may have to be more careful with your money from January 22nd to 31st because Venus will be with your sign. Overindulgence this week will be more costly in the long run, both on the bank account and the waistline. The desire for love and affection will be strong, but this will only be met if you make the effort to share and give love yourself.
Puzzle It Out
January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:21 PM Page 66
Crossword
Solutions on page 76 Across: 1. Informal gathering (6) 4. Intolerant person (5) 8. Bloodsucking worm (5) 9. Part time policeman (7) 10. Funeral procession (7) 11. Pantomime Jack (4) 12. Tipster's best (3) 14. Inhabitant of Jellystone Park (4) 15. Give praise (4) 18. Winner's trophy (3) 21. Exaggerated publicity (4) 23. Most supple (7) 25. Female thespian (7) 26. Sibling's daughter (5) 27. Large wading bird (5) 28. Smouldering pieces of wood (6) Down: 1. Join two ends (6) 2. Farewell greeting (7) 3. e.g Charlton,Wigan (8) 4. Prepare a drink (4) 5. Society (5) 6. Old dancing girl (6) 7. Poplar tree (5) 13. Metalic element (8) 16. Four stringed instrument (7) 17. Sword case (6) 19. A velvety fabric (5) 20. Emphasize (6) 22. Humorous father (5) 24. A long period of time (4)
Sudoku
Brain Teaser
HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM PRISON...
A prisoner is in jail. There are two doors... One leads to freedom one leads to death. There is a guard at each door. One guard always tells the truth... The other always tells lies. The prisoner is allowed one question to either of the guards. What is the question that will take him to freedom?
Say What You See...
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aid aid aid
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:21 PM Page 68
The Jokes page
Jokes page
PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT --- SENIOR STYLE An elderly couple were about to get married. She said: I want to keep my house. He said: That's fine with me. She said: I want to keep my Car. He said: That's fine with me. She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week. He said: Put me down for Fridays A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The parents stop and his mum quickly dismounts, pulling the covers around her. “What were you and dad doing?” the boy asks his mum. “Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it,” she explains. “You’re wasting your time,” says the boy. “When you go shopping the lad y next door gets on her knees and blows it right back up.”
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... (Oh, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A young man was having some money problems, and needed €200 to get his car fixed and roadworthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his father. “I need to borrow two hundred euros,” he says. At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, its a dreadful bad line speak up.” The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred euros!” “Sorry, son I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father. At this point the operator cuts in, “Sorry to interrupt, But I can hear him perfectly clearly.” The father says, “Good. YOU send him the money!” 68
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a lifting in his manhood. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again... ONE, TWO, THREE... UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed.."
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologise for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness. The man says, “Well, thank you. I forgive you.” The parrot pauses for a moment, then says, “If you don’t mind me asking, what did the chicken do?”
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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218
Before
After
Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:23 PM Page 76
Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 66
Crossword Solution
Just Say What You See
Harrys Sports Bar
1. Seven Seas 2. First Aid
Brain Teaser
All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda
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To advertise in the most popular A5 magazine on the Costa del Sol with rates starting at 35€ call: 951 216 131 76
email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com
If I was to ask the other guard which door leads to freedom, what would he say? Whichever door the guard points to, you go choose the other one.
Trivia Quiz Answers
1) Wind in the Willows 2) Fruit 3) Pound 4) Brake Horse Power 5) Arnold Schwarzenegger 6) Blue 7) Worzel Gummidge 8) Nelson Mandela 9) Egypt 10) 4 11) Edward 12) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe 13) Suffolk 14) Nothing 15) Golden Fleece 16) Clifton 17) Christopher Robin 18) Sherry 19) Kian Egan 20) Pod 21) Colon 22) Chicken Pox 23) 1980’s 24) String 25) Red 26) Shropshire 27) Dogs 28) Tailoring 29) Tenor 30) 90
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January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:23 PM Page 79
January 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 12/20/13 12:23 PM Page 80