Costa Link Magazine March 2013 by Costalink Magazine

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Happy Easter…

Well it’s all happening this month, Its Easter, Mothers day, Father’s day (if you celebrate the Spanish way!) St David’s Day and St Patrick’s Day. And Costa Link Magazine is 6 years old this month – we have changed a little in the six years from the first edition which was about a third of the size that it is now and with an ever growing following and loads of friends on facebook it all seems such a long time ago. So big Thank you to all of readers, friends, fans and just everyone really who has made us the Most popular A5 on the Costa Del Sol. Check the competition this month! We are giving away a cut and blow dry and a full set of nails to one lucky reader with Diva hair and Beauty in Calahonda, be sure to get your entry in – this is going to be a popular prize!!! Speaking of Prizes – the winner of the Buggy Safari competion was Kelly Fox – well done Kelly we hope you enjoyed the Safari. I better get on now –there’s a great big Easter Egg with my name on it!!!!

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Dictionary for Women

A Woman’s World

•Argument (ar·gu·ment): A discussion that occurs when you're right, but your other half just hasn't realised it yet. •Airhead (air-head): What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. •Blonde Jokes (blonde/bländ): Jokes that are short so men can understand them. •Diet Soda: A drink you buy at a corner shop to go with a family sized bag of Minstrels •Eternity (e·ter·ni·ty): The last two minutes of a football game. •Exercise (ex·er·cise): To walk up and down a shopping centre, occasionally resting to make a purchase. •Hairdresser (hair·dress·er): Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See also “Magician”.

•Lipstick (lip·stick): On your lips, colouring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, colouring only a hooker would wear! •Park (park /pärk/): v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide. •Patience (pa*shens): The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers." •Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. •Washing Maching (wash·ing ma·chine): An appliance designed to eat socks.

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HOT GOSS! USA...

IS JENNIFER ANISTON GETTING MARRIED SOON?...

Since Jennifer Aniston’s engagement to actor Justin Theroux last August, the rumour mill has been going wild with possible wedding dates. According to recent reports, the wedding could be happening within weeks. A source told Closer Magazine: “Jennifer is trying to keep the wedding date a secret, but it’ll probably be in the week or two after the Oscars, at the end of February.” And it looks like she might shun a massive white wedding, like she had with Brad Pitt, in favour for something smaller. The source added: “She wants a low-key do, but pals like her ex-Friends’ co-stars Courtney Cox and Matthew Perry will attend.” The Friend’s star has reportedly chosen former co-star Courtney Cox to be her maid of honour, while her daughter Coco – who is Jennifer’s goddaughter – will be a flower girl. Screenwriter Justin proposed to the now 44-year-old on his 41st Birthday last year, and was ecstatic when she accepted. It was reported at the time that Jennifer, who up until her divorce had been estranged from her mother Nancy for almost a decade, did not inform her father of the news. Jennifer’s marriage to former husband Brad Pitt ended in January 2005, after he met Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith. According to reports, Jennifer has invited her former mother-in-law Jane Pitt to the wedding. Awkward!

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HOT GOSS! USA...

IS SHE A BAD MUM?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG’S DRINKING RAISES CONCERNS ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

On the last series of the RHOBH Taylor Armstrong’s estranged husband committed suicide now it seems her troubles are far from over…. When Taylor Armstrong shockingly admits she doesn’t know where her young daughter Kennedy is at all times and repeatedly leaves her in the care of Kyle Richards, her fellow cast mates on the hit Bravo reality show raise serious concerns about her drinking and her parenting skills. In season 3 of the US show The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kim Richards tells the other ‘housewives’ that Taylor is skipping a family-friendly get together at her home and that Taylor called her last minute to say, “I won’t be coming because I think I’m in love.” During the troubling call, Taylor — who’s had a history of excessive drinking on the show — also casualty said she had “no idea” that Kennedy was in Kyle’s care at that very moment. As Kim and Kyle are telling the other ladies about the bizarre call, Kyle points out that Taylor — who may be leaving RHOBH — has yet to even go out on a date with the mystery man who’s suddenly the object of her affection.

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WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER

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• You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. • No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. • Chocolate doesn't get you pregnant.

• You can have chocolate at any time of the month. • You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

• Size doesn't matter -- though bigger is still better.

• You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. • The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

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A Parent's Worst Nightmare! A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition he read it with trembling hands...... Dear Mum and Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that, I'm pregnant a nd Wayne said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that now has become my dream. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for his friends and us. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray that the police don’t catch up with us. He dese rves someone to believe him, as the high court judges didn’t. Don't worry about money, Wayne has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn 50€ a scene and I get a 50€ bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra 100€ if they use a horse. Don't worry Mum, now I'm 18 years old I know how to take care of myself. Someda y I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren. Your loving daughter, Aimee P.S. Dad, it's not true, I'm at a neighbors’ house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your BMW.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Who had a number one hit with ‘True Blue’? 2) Cheryl Cole is the face of which beauty company? 3) Is the Orinoco River in North or South America? 4) On a standard dartboard, which number follows 11 if you move anticlockwise? 5) Who is Reginald Kenneth Dwight better known as? 6) Which very famous “Posh” family just moved back to the UK? 7) Which 2 words form the shortest verse in the Bible? 8) Which ‘Dennis’ wrote the Singing Detective? 9) Which ‘Nick’ won the US Masters in 1989? 10) What is Goldie Hawn’s real name? 11) In which city is Tianaman Square? 12) Which title does Princess Diana’s brother have? 13) Where would you find a Purser? 14) What movement did Lord Baden Powell found? 15) What are ‘clogs’ traditionally made from? 16) Which sign of the Zodiac does an archer represent? 17) What does the ‘S’ stand for in ‘Winston S Churchill’?

18) How many sides does an octagon have? 19) What is the American name for a postcode? 20) What type of sausage is usually served in a coil? 21) Which Felicity starred in ‘The Good Life’? 22) Which has more annual rainfall, the Sahara or the Antarctic? 23) Which bean is used to make Baked Beans? 24) What type of animal was the character ‘Babe’? 25) How many wings does a bee have? 26) Caviar comes from which fish? 27) How many Die Hard films have been made? 28) ‘The Needles’ are located off which island? 29) What are the three primary colours? 30) Which character did Kathy Staff play in Last of the Summer Wine? Answers on page 100

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Chinese torture A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long grey beard. "I’m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1.... Large rock on chest." ‘Well, that’s pretty crappy,’ he thought. ‘If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.’ He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read "Chinese Torture 3.... Right testicle tied to bed post."

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A very Active mAn During my annual checkup, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

i described a typical day..... "Well, yesterday afternoon, i took a five hour hike, about 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. i waded along the edge of a lake. i crossed vast expanses of seamlessly unending grass. i fought my way through thick brambles. i bumped into a number of trees. it was very windy and i got sand in my mouth and my eyes. i only just avoided sliding into a river. i climbed several steep hills. i took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. the stress of it all left me physically and mentally drained and at the end of it all i drank eight pints of beer." inspired, the doctor said, "you must be one hell of an outdoors man!" "no," i replied, "i'm just an extremely bad golfer."

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A Dictionary for Men...

women's work." REALLY MEANS: A M a n ’ s "It's"That's dirty, boring, thankless and I wouldn't ask a dog to do it." W o r l d "It's a man thing." REALLY MEANS: "Stop butting in, it’s nothing to do with you."

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS: "Both my roommates have gone and got married, the sink is full and I'm running out of clean clothes ." "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "It would take too long to explain." REALLY MEANS: "It doesn't involve cooking, washing, cleaning, shoes or hair styles so you won’t understand." "Take a break Love, you're working too hard." REALLY MEANS: "I can't hear the TV over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." REALLY MEANS: "For the love of god, are you still talking?" "Darling, we don't need material things to prove our love." REALLY MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again." “It's really a good movie.” REALLY MEANS: "It's got guns, violence, fast cars and naked women.”

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FEEDING YOUR PETS...

It might sound obvious to many of us but cats & dogs require different nutritional requirements to us. Many pet owners treat dogs like small humans & cats like small dogs. This potentially can damage the health of their pets and if the wrong food is fed it can become fatal. We humans are omnivores, we eat a varied diet containing both animal & plant matter. Dogs are technically carnivores however dogs in the wild can also eat a varied diet to include fruit & plant matter as well as meat. However they get the majority of their dietary requirements from meat sources.

Cats need a meat based diet for their survival , they are obligate carnivores . As carnivores, cats have little need to digest complex food. Dogs eat a greater variety of food, requiring a longer digestive tract. The human digestive tract is much longer than that of a dog, as humans eat a much more varied diet. It is all about balance. A good food means that the pet can absorb more nutrients that they need without too much waste. It relates to the amount of protein & other nutrients in a particular diet. Feed a good food that relates to your pet.

Our Tip of the month:

If your pet is overweight of which approximately 40% of dogs are, replace some of their dry diet with wet food as part of their meal mix, it is one way to reduce calories consumed per meal as wet food contains a quarter of the calories of dry food !!

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Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

â&#x20AC;Śsolving the puzzle of healthcare e in healthcar Spain! Tel: (0034) 952 93 38 76 Tel: Email: medilinkspain@gmail.com medilink the onl y tel no y ou'll e ver need. only you'll ever

Please donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget that the medilink service is provided FREE of charge to the community (a local call rate may apply).

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Medical Tips

Complementary Therapy A Positive Way Forward…..

Patricia Kaines has been a qualified “Complementary Therapist” for almost 15 years, having previously worked for the NHS in the field of mental health. She is committed to her clients’ health and well-being and she is delighted to confirm that she is now based from Clinica Medicare´s premises in La Cala de Mijas and is available for the following treatments:

Manual Lymphatic Drainage: a specialised massage technique using precise, light rhythmical hand movements which gently stretch the skin in circular motions along the lymphatic pathways. Did you know that Manual Lymphatic Drainage therapy can help if you suffer from any of these conditions? Emotional stress, Repetitive stress, Tension. Toxicity in the body e.g. Metals, Alcohol, Atmospheric Pollutants. Neuralgia, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis, Chronic Fatigue. Joint problems such as Arthritis, Hip/Knee replacement, Gout, Fractures, Whiplash, Sprains and Strains. It can also help with skin problems: Eczema, Acne, Scars, Wrinkles, Oedema, Cellulite and helps towards Weight loss. Also respiratory problems such as Sinusitis, Bronchitis and also the common cold.

ing allergic conditions, diminishing sinusitis, tinnitus or ear pain. It can help to restore equilibrium or pressure in the ear and also to enhance hearing, taste and even smell. The treatment also includes a Face Massage to aid further clearance.

Thai Foot Massage: this treatment does not aim to treat any particular condition, but to improve overall well-being and general health. It works on the energy lines of the body, known in Thailand as Sen lines and also on the internal organs of the body through the reflex points on the feet. The treatment is very relaxing, it helps to improve the Immune System, circulation in the feet and legs, also to reduce stiffness in the feet and legs and can help to improve quality of sleep.

Reiki: a Japanese word meaning ‘universal life force’ has its origins in ancient Indian and Tibetan forms of healing. It is a natural healing method that can be safely used at anytime on anyone. The practitioner places their hands in a series of positions either over or Massage Therapy: using a combination of Classical on the clients’ fully clothed body. Thus allowing the Swedish Massage, No Hands Massage, Trigger Point healing energy where it is most needed. Reiki is not an Therapy and Sports Massage, Patricia offers a treat- alternative to allopathic medicine but can be used safely in conjunction. ment tailor-made to your needs.

Indian Head Massage: a treatment that has been practised in India for over 1000 years was brought to the UK in the 1970’s. During the treatment the client sits fully clothed in a chair whilst the therapist uses a range of massage movements. Working with a firm but gentle rhythm to release blockages and to relieve the build up of muscular tension, the upper back, arms, neck , scalp and face are all massaged. Indian Head Massage also works on an emotional level calming the spirit, promoting relaxation and inducing a state of peace and tranquillity.

Hopi Ear Candling: the ‘candles’ are hollow tubes made from organically grown flax, extracts of honey, beeswax and herbs. The candles provide a gentle, noninvasive treatment for the ears which are used in a variety of conditions. When lit, the candles have a slight sucking action, drawing up the impurities to the surface where they can be removed. The treatment is very effective for eliminating backed up mucous, alleviat42

This editorial was written by Patricia Kaines who is a Preferred Partner of “medilink”. For more information on any of her services, to make an appointment or to enquire about any of “medilinks” other Preferred Partners then please call the “medilink” team on: 952 93 38 76

We would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the “medilink” service is provided to our community

FREE OF CHARGE

If calling from certain numbers (such as a mobile) then a call rate may apply, other than that it is a totally free service.

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SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Promotion: From 1 to 4 months free Depending on number of insured persons. All waiting times except childbirth to be waived. Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

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SOFT TISSUE MOBILISATION...

Horizon Therapies offers the latest techniques in Soft Tissue Mobilisation. Soft tissue is everything other than bone. When dealing with musculoskeletal injuries, we are referring to muscle, tendon, ligaments, connective tissue known as fascia, and bursa. Soft tissue reacts to injury in a very unique manner. When an injury occurs, inflammation follows. This inflammation is the reason that patients frequently have anti-inflammatory medication prescribed by their physician. The normal healing response is the formation of fibrous, or scar, tissue in and around the injured area. The fibrosis prevents the muscle from lengthening and contracting like it once did. This causes a loss of range of motion, which may be subtle or significant. Pain also occurs as well as a predisposition to re-injury at the site of trauma. This can alter the normal biomechanics of the injured area or joint, and an overall decrease in function can follow. If the muscles surrounding the injury tighten to protect the area and remain tight or are not moved adequately, then another process takes place. This process is known as adaptive shortening. Again, the muscles lose their normal length and this leads to loss or range of motion and discomfort. The treatment of these structures is known as soft tissue mobilisation. The basis for this method of treatment is several fold. Soft tissue mobilisation addresses the previously described complication of soft tissue injuries. There are really two components to soft tissue mobilisation. By definition, manipulation implies high velocity, high amplitude thrust or motion. Mobilisation implies low velocity, low amplitude thrust or motion. The soft tissue is mobilised by the therapistâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hands as his/her hands/fingers move through the muscle. The patient has the involved joint moving as well. This motion is joint mobilisation which occurs simultaneously during the soft tissue mobilisation. This motion may occur with the patient performing all the motion (active), or with help from the doctor (active-assisted), or entirely by the therapist (passive). The treatment can be modified to be sport specific or task specific if needed or required.

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8 things you MAy not know About only Fools... First broadcast back in 1981, Only Fools and Horses is a true comedy classic and was duly voted Britain's best-loved sitcom. But just how was it received when it initially hit our screens? And where does the real Nelson Mandela House stand? Don't be a dipstick - read on to find out... • Readies or not: The original title for the show was "Readies", but after writing the first few scripts, series creator John Sullivan decided to call it Only Fools and Horses, deriving from an obscure saying ("Why do only fools and horses work?") that goes back to the 19th Century. This had also been the title of an episode of Citizen Smith – Sullivan's earlier sitcom. • Inauspicious beginnings: It may now be one of the BBC's most beloved shows, but Only Fools and Horses was a total flop to begin with. Despite the low ratings for the first series, the Beeb decided to nurture the show by commissioning a second series. When this failed as well, it was on the verge of being axed altogether. It was only after the first two series were repeated that people started to talk about the show, and snowballing success ensued.

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8 things you MAy not know About only Fools...

• Defining Del: It may now seem unthinkable that anyone else could have played the part, but David Jason was actually pretty low down on the list of potential Del Boys. A character actor by the name off Enn Reitel – who's worked on everything from The Bill to the Da Vinci Code movie – was considered, but he was busy making another series. Jim Broadbent was then asked, but he was in a West End play at the time. It was only then that David Jason was approached (after producer Ray Butt caught a repeat of Open All Hours on telly one night). • Viva Hooky Street: People often think it's Nicholas Lyndhurst singing the theme song, but it's actually series creator and writer John Sullivan. The first series actually had an instrumental theme tune, but Sullivan decided to write and sing an opening song to explain what the phrase "Only fools and horses" actually meant. (Sullivan also sings the closing "Hooky Street" song.) • As if one wasn't enough: The series certainly popularised Reliant Robins (although technically the Trotters' van is called a Reliant Regal – true Robins are smaller). Ever since the show became huge in the 80s, second-hand car dealers have sold the Regals at inflated prices – particularly after respraying them yellow. By the way, it wasn't just one car that we saw in the series. No fewer than twelve of these infamous three-wheeled vans were used.

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KIDZ KIN

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NGDOM

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All Will Be Revealed... This month sees one of the most important motor shows of the year at Geneva, and it looks like its going to be something special! Here is a taste of what we are likely to see revealed on the 5th March. The new BMW 3 Series Gran Turismo looks a little like the 5 series GT but only smaller……

It is likely that The Toyota GT86 cabriolet will use an electronically operated folding fabric roof rather than a heavier retractable hard-top in to keep the weight down and still retain the rear seats.

The Beautiful Alfa 4C (4c standing for 4 Cylinders) will use the same 1750cc turbocharged engine as the Guilietta. Rolls Royce will be showing the Wraith – another name which has appeared a few times in their history, this will be a coupe version of the Ghost, we have yet to see full photos, but here is a teaser! But the star of the show is likely to be the successor of the legendary Ferrari Enzo, even the name is a close guarded secret - possibly called F150 it will have in excess of 800 BHP and reach 62MPH in 2.5 seconds with a top speed of around 250 MPH, again there are no photos yet, but it will look something like this!! 54

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 8:19 PM Page 56

8 things you MAy not know About only Fools...

• Wat shuift't?!: Only Fools and Horses has been re-made in two other countries – the Netherlands and Portugal (why these countries in particular? Who can say?) The Netherlands version was called "Wat schuift't?", meaning "What's it worth?", and had the Aarsmans instead of the Trotters. Portugal, meanwhile, turned the Trotters into the Fintas family for "O FuraVidas", which derives from an expression for people who live illegally. • The real Nelson Mandela House: This may shatter some illusions, but Only Fools and Horses wasn't actually filmed in Peckham. The main locations were actually Acton (in Ealing) and Bristol. Indeed, Harlech Tower – the block of flats which was used as "Nelson Mandela House" – is in Acton, while the famous bit where Del and Rodders run down the street as Batman and Robin was filmed in Broadmead Shopping Precinct in Bristol. • The first last episode ever: John Sullivan initially planned to end the series back in 1986 with the episode titled "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" (the one in which Del almost leaves Britain to begin a new life in Australia). David Jason had said he wanted to leave the show, so Sullivan decided to write Del out and create a spin-off called "Hot Rod" which would have had Rodney taking over Trotters Independent Traders. However, David Jason then had a change of heart, so Sullivan changed the ending of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" with Del deciding against going Down Under.

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 8:19 PM Page 58

Click“ok”,“ok?”

The following conversation you may find hilarious if you have ever tried talking an aged parent/relative or some may say dinosaur, through using a PC… Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.” Customer: “Click ‘OK’?” Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.” Customer: “Click ‘OK’?” Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.” Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?” Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.” Pause. Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.” Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???” Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do?” Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.” Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.” Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.” Customer: “Oh.” Tech Support: “Now we have to start again.” Customer: “Why?”

Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.” Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?” Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.” Customer: “Ok.” I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer. Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?” Customer: “Yes.” Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.” Pause. Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.” And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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WANDA’S DISHWASHER WAS ON THE BLINK Wanda's dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I'll leave the key under the mat for you. Once you’ ve fixed the dishwasher, just leave the bill on the counter, and I’ ll mail you a cheque.” “Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike, he won't bother you at all but, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I repeat; do not talk to my parrot!!” When the repairman arrived at Wanda’ s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen, but, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, squaking, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’ t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

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HA,HA,HE,HE...

HUNGRY LION: A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was typing away on his typewriter.The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp

Science Class: Sixth grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Molly stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the Question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?? Little Molly's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Jimmy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye. "Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Jimmy." Then turned to Molly and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: First, you have a dirty mind. Second, you didn't read your homework. And third, one day you are going to be VERY VERY disappointed!

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S ecurity Â&#x2021;/RFN 6DIH 2SHQLQJ 6HUYLFH Â&#x2021; /RFNV &KDQJHG Of Â&#x2021;3DWLRV :LQGRZV 6HFXUHG S pain &RQWDFW 'DUHQ 24 HOUR LOCKSMITHS

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Where there’s blame...

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says '”Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. “You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, and everything seems to be OK, apart from one thing. I'm trying to break this to you gently, but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.” The man groans but the doctor continues, “You've got €9,000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand euros an inch.” The bloke perks up at this. “So the thing is” the doctor says, “it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.” So the man agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day. “So...” says the doctor “Have you spoken with your wife?” “I have.” says the fellow “And has she helped you in making the decision?” “She has.” says the man. “And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're having a new kitchen.”

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Save in Spain specialise in helping Ex-pats and Spanish Nationals save money on their utility bills in Spain. Savings on electricity, landline, mobile & internet are just some of the services offered by our specialist team, who between them are conversant in English, Spanish, German & French. In 2010, the law regarding electricity supply changed in Spain to allow competition into the market. The Monopoly previously enjoyed by the state run electricity company was due to come to an end, however not without some resistance. This company took the opportunity to increase the tariff of most households. Overnight household electricity bills increased with clients notified by mail that they had an option now to switch providers, however this notification was composed in Spanish only. Not only did many Ex-pats who lived abroad fail to receive the notification, many of those who did live in Spain did not understand the letter, let alone were they in a position to undertake changing electricity providers. From this one letter, Save in Spain was born. Our ultimate goal is to help clients living in Spain save money. Whether you are a business large or small, or a private residence, we can help, It really is as simple as that! Contact a member of our specialist team today to find out how we can start saving you money!

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The Taliban & The Tie A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only 5€."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom." Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said, "Your £%$!@€¢ brother won't let me in without a tie!"

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by Amanda LONDON WEST END TRAINED UNISEX Hair Stylist, Experienced in Cutting, Blow-drying, Colouring, Perming, Highlighting and Intensive Hair Care Treatments... All within the comfort of your own home at your convenience, for competitive rates and appointments

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FUNNY NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 4. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 5. Miners Refuse to Work after Death 6. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 7. Stolen Painting Found by Tree 8. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 9. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 10. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years 11. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 12. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 13. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 14. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 15. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 16. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 6:53 PM Page 70

After a short winter break, the successful Iglu Bar in El Pilar will be re-opening from the 1st week in March with a difference. Now known as Iglu Restaurant and Bar they have a new kitchen, a new look, a fantastic new chef and a very high quality menu with inspiration from all over The World. The owners have a real passion for food and wine and this is evident not only in the menu selection but also in the way it is described and served. They have been mindful of the growing number of vegetarians and have an excellent choice not only for meat eaters but for vegetarians too! The outstanding breakfast provide not only a choice of English Breakfasts, but a whole selection of international breakfasts including kedgeree or pancakes with maple syrup or. The lunches again draw inspiration from all over the world including Thailand, Mexico, Italy and The Caribbean; there are also light lunches such as salads and gourmet sandwiches. If you enjoy tea, there are a number of speciality teas to choose from as well as the usual coffees. The range of wines is huge with each wine having been individually selected and including some award winning wines from Jean Leon. Iglu has always been so popular due to the tasteful surroundings, high quality furnishings and décor with reasonable prices and friendly staff -The new restaurant promises to continue in the same vein.

The Supermoto racing brothers from Murcia are busy training and making final preparations for the first round of this year’s Spanish Supermoto championships held in Seville on the 10th march. 2012 saw the two brothers right at the sharp end of the results with Mat Ford- Dunn finishing 2nd in the SM30 championship and his younger Brother Anthony finishing 4th in the Elite championship despite being injured for part of the season. The potential for great results this year is high, with Mat now one of the favourites to take the newly formed SM Masters 35 class and Anthony moving over to the highly competitive SM Road category that has Spain’s best Supermoto racers competing on an asphalt only circuit. The Supermotoland team have decided to continue with last year’s SML 450 supermoto bikes that are prepared and developed at the Teams base in Murcia. The Brothers have been busy testing alongside a selection of Moto 3 and Moto 2 riders from the motogp world championships to further hone their skills. The Murcia and UK based International removal company ‘Advance Moves’ will continue to be the teams Headline sponsor, but the team are continuing the search for additional sponsors to help the Brothers achieve their goals and benefit from the success and publicity that 2013 has to offer. Anyone interested in joining the team as a sponsor should visit the www.supermotoland.com website for further details and contact information. The website also contains race reports, videos and photos that will keep everyone up to date with the teams progress throughout the year. 70

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Playing the game...

A businessman walks into a bank in London and asks for a business loan....

He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the £7,000 and the interest, which comes to £19.67. The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow £7,000?” The businessman replied.... “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for £20 quid?”

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 6:54 PM Page 74

What’Guide s On

To the 7 APRIL 2013, Sevilla - TITANIC: The Exhibition: Being held at the Pabellon de la Navegacion on the river, this excellent exhibition explains the history of the ship its design and construction; tells exactly what happened on the fateful night of 15 April 1912. For more information email: info@pabellondelanavegacion.es Tuesday19th March: Estepona Floral Art Club will be holding a flower arranging demonstration on 19th March from 3.30pm to 5pm at Tikitano’s Beach and Restaurant, Estepona. For more information and photographs, please see the Club’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/esteponafloralartclub. If you are already a Facebook user, please click ‘Like’ to receive regular updates on the Club’s activities and events. Alternatively, please call Lesley on 610950810 or send an email to esteponafloralartclub@hotmail.com to join the mailing list for the monthly Newsletter. 24th to 31st March: Holy Week, Semana Santa, in Andalucia is an event that literally transforms towns and cities across this region. Processions of elaborately decorated floats. shrill brass bands, walk slowly through the streets, from their parish church to the cathedral and back. It is an amazing experience. Malaga is the biggest procession they are all week leading up until Easter Sunday. (Check out the Malaga Newspapers for a timetable). Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Wednesday: Wednesday night is QUIZ NIGHT with the excellent quiz master Marco Nardone, entrance is only €2 and first prize is nothing less than a bottle of VEUVE CLICQUOT CHAMPAGNE - IGLÚ CHILL LOUNGE, El Pilar, Estepona. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Saturday: Atletico Las Chapas, Football Academy meet @ Aztec Country Club, Riviera. Call for moe information on: 685 448 083. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00 Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know…

email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com - phone: 951 216 131

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

01/03/2013: St. David's Day 10/03/2013: Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day 11/03/2013: Commonwealth Day (UK) 17/03/2013: St. Patrick's Day 24/03/2013: Palm Sunday 28/03/2013: Maundy Thursday (holiday) 29/03/2013: Good Friday (holiday) 31/03/2013: Clocks go forward & Easter Sunday 01/04/2013: Easter Monday (holiday) & April Fools Day

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 6:54 PM Page 78

Facts...

Strangebuttrue...

About the human body!

• Every single day (unless you are already bald), you will lose as many as 100 strands of hair - that’s 36,500 in a year. • The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds. • The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about ten days without sleep. • Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies. • About 32 million bacteria populate every square inch of your body. • Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. • 85% of your brain is water. • Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute. • Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin. • It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath. • When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart! • Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are two to six years old. • It takes 17 muscles to smile - 43 to frown. • In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow two meters of nose hair.

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March 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/20/13 6:54 PM Page 80

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during March.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 80

Capricorn you’ll have a slightly nervy start to this month with Mercury in Retrograde between March 2nd and the 23rd. This can play havoc with your thinking and communications causing more misunderstandings and even arguments. Travel plans and business negotiations should be delayed around March 12th. For a few days around this date, be particularly careful about making any important decisions and certainly think twice before signing any documents. This is such a busy month for you; you are likely to face opposition to your goals and plans from other people. Ego conflicts are more likely it is not the time to push your luck or expect too much help from others. Although Venus, Mars and Jupiter will be in you’re sign suggesting good luck and success with love and money. The New Moon is the most important this year for you, this certainly won’t be a boring March Aquarius the Mercury Retrograde from March 2nd to 23rd will bring you clear and logical thinking and great communication skills. Mercury will activate a very positive transit giving you great opportunities to expand your horizons. You should have excellent intuition and flashes of insight about this promising future. March 5th to 15th may get difficult with a to put some strain on your close relationships. I would be particularly mindful of other people’s feelings for a few days around March 12th. Also, be careful about making important decisions or signing contracts. March 11th New Moon will bring enhanced selfconfidence lasting for about four weeks. You can expect fewer obstacles to success and all your relationships should run lot smoother. It will be a really special New Moon for you. Expect some nice surprises on the way! Pisces the Venus transit from March 5th to the 15th makes you feel more affectionate and loving, you can expect more admiration and attention from others. It will also improve your finance’s up until March 15th you also have the lucky Jupiter in transit. Lady luck will be on your side with both money and love. This is an excellent time to take full advantage of any opportunities, investing should turn out well, and any new relationships made now should be very loving. Things get a little tougher from March 13th Mars is moving through your sign, causing you some frustration and anger right this will last until mid May. The retrograde motion means that the buildup of anger or resentment you feel is likely to be internalized, so it will be important to work this energy out of your system through physical activity or focusing on some work or hobby which you are really passionate about. Interesting times for you Aries as March 2013 progresses expect some changes in various areas of your life. Anticipate something of an inner turmoil as you see different paths forwards, and even some backwards. With so many different choices you will be forgiven at home and in work if you get some wrong. Not a good time for big ambitions. Just do your best to pick the option that will bring the least trouble for you. Expect people to be less forgiving in any emotional situations however. If you were planning some big romantic gesture you would be best advised to wait until well after March 12th. March 22nd could be a make or break day for Aries, as this is the day Venus arrives in your sign. Expect many different mood changes past the end of the month as The Sun, Venus and Mars come in to conjunction with Uranus in Aries around March 28th and 29th 2013. March 2013 is going to be a calming month for you Taurus. You’ll have a chance for much spiritual development on a personal level, a time to give thought to the coming months of more challenging work and personal growth.A few points to note: The month begins with The Moon entering opposition and a conjunction with Saturn in Scorpio. If you feel under the weather at the beginning of March 2013 this could well be the reason. Around March 10th and 11th The Moon passes though a series of conjunctions with various planets in Pisces. This will not affect you directly but will cause a strain on many of your interpersonal relationships, as other signs will feel the turbulence in their own moods. The very end of March 2013 could well be a bit of a uphill struggle though if you know it’s coming you can simply relax your way through. Take a few days away and let the waves quietly wash over you.

Gemini you’ll still have calming Venus in transit until March 5th this should give warmer relationships and a feeling of peace. Love is in the air and you should be feeling very affectionate. Make the most of this relaxing influence because you have to face up to a challenge later this month. Between March 23rd to April 16th. This will very likely cause nervous irritability, an overly active mind or imagination and rushed thinking. There is a greater chance of miss communication, saying or hearing the wrong things. Not the best time for making important decisions as you won’t have all the details. I would be extremely careful about signing documents or agreeing to any major deal at this time. You may have to contend with machinery or appliances breaking down, and deal with annoying news or irritating people, nagging comes to mind.

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Cancer

Leo

Cancer you’ll have a mixed bag this month. There are some challenges from Mercury and the New Moon indicating some tension, but also excellent transits from Venus and Mars, which are most favorable for the love life. From March 2nd to 23rd may bring a rush of thoughts and communications that are difficult to deal with. This means you will find it very difficult to concentrate or get any clarity in your thoughts so you’d be better not to sign anything if you can avoid it. This is a testing time for you where you find what you are made of. Brave Mars behind you will allow to you face and defeat any opposition so that you can at least hold your ground, if not make advances with your personal and professional goals. Any plans you make at this time may have to be changed or delayed, and if travelling now don’t be surprised if you have to suffer lost bags or late flights.

Leo look forward to a fantastic month ahead, thanks to your stars being in alignment from March 2nd to the 23rd. The motion means this transit lasts a lot longer than usual giving an extended period of clear thoughts and ease in communication. This is a good period for attending to paperwork and negotiating better deals why not ask for a raise? Mercury is with Uranus in the sky bringing you surprisingly good news and heightened intuition. You may have very insightful dreams or flashes of insight about an exciting new future, perhaps even some insight into your past, which is valuable. From March 5th to 15th, Venus may highlight differences between you and a partner but helpful Mercury will allow you to find a mutually beneficial compromise. March 11th’s New Moon will bring a calming and balancing influence that will last about four weeks.

Virgo

Virgo between March 5th to 15th you’ll be feeling the love. Kick back and relax enjoy the company of friends, family and that someone special. You should be feeling great and will looking for some affection and fun in your life. Money matters will be going your way so take advantage of this very comfortable transit to entertain or go out and party. The first two weeks in March will be an excellent time to cash in on your newfound good fortune, love and money will gravitate towards you. This is about as good as transits can get so have fun, socialise, party, and try your luck. Mars in your sign means you are pumped up, lots of adrenalin. Sexual desire will be strong too, and you and a willing partner may enjoy your more primal energy so long as you both understand the phase you are going through.

Libra

Libra you might struggle with a very hectic month, the new moon on the 11th should bring caution, be very careful not to sign anything or make important decisions around that date. If you really need to do business or make plans, get someone you trust to check over the details for you, but not a Aries, Cancer, Libra or Capricorn. This unsettling and nervous influence is made even stronger because Uranus is also opposite your sign. This month, it would be wise to tone things down, try and relax and not push people too much. The Sun. Moon, Mercury and Uranus all opposite your sign this month means that the longer-term influence from Uranus are activated to the extreme. This is the most important Moon phase for you this year where the changes are most likely to come.

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Scorpio you may suffer a mildly uncomfortable week or so with an opposition from Venus between March 5th and the 15th. This gives you a lazy attitude it may be difficult getting motivated for work as you would rather be playing or lounging around the house. You could feel more needy for some love and affection but lovers may find you too demanding which could create from tension. Another thing to watch with this transit is a tendency to over spend and also go a bit crazy. Greed and excesses of the past are things to think about now, time to take stock and see what lessons need to be learned so you can be happier and wealthier in the future. Another strong influence later this month comes from Mars retrograde. You’ll feel an increased energy this is an excellent time for self-promotion and gaining assistance and lots of admiration.

Sagittarius you’ll still be enjoying the peaceful and loving Venus in your sign until March 5th. This should improve your social life and bring warm relations with friends and lovers, they will be responding well to your extra warmth and affection. Money matters should be good too, spend a little extra on yourself why not buy some new clothes or splash out on some beauty products. The last week of this month gets a bit more stressful with Mercury in Retrograde this will last through until mid April. You are going to feel rushed both in mind and body, miss-communication and even arguments with other people are most lightly at this time. You’re likely to feel more irritable and restless, and little things that others do will annoy you more than usual. Delays and changes in plans, especially in business deals or travels are possible so try to remain flexible. This is not the time to be making important decisions or signing contracts.

Puzzle It Out

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Crossword

Sudoku

Solutions on page 100 Across: 1. Burning gas or vapour (6) 4. Protect (5) 8. Fungal disease of cereal crops (5) 9. Big spotted cat (7) 10. Weather (7) 11. Eye infection (4) 12. Small child (3) 14. Iota, jot (4) 15. Religious ceremony (4) 18. Drunkard (3) 21. Fever (4) 23. Instrument for measuring electric current (7) 25. Liked by the people (7) 26. Island where the Statue of Liberty stands (5) 27. Big (5) 28. Egyptian god of the underworld (6) Down: 1. Ferocious (6) 2. Torment or pain (7) 3. Pulls out (8) 4. Increase (4) 5. Not together (5) 6. Totter (6) 7. Ancient debtors prison in London (5) 13. Brass instruments (8) 16. In name only (7) 17. Female part of flowering plant (6) 19. Delay (5) 20. Dissertation (6) 22. Part of a shoe (5) 24. English boy band (4)

Brain Teaser

A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT....

A man and his son had a terrible car accident and were rushed to the hospital. The man died on the way, but the son was still barely alive. When they arrived, an old gray surgeon was called in to operate. Upon seeing the young boy, the surgeon said, "I can't operate - this is my son." How is this possible?

Say What You See...

CHAIR 82

R ROAD A D

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F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

Oh La La...!

If itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not Greece, its Italy, if its not Italy its Spain, well now its Frances turn.

Its not looking good for the French economy, Frances GDP figure for the last quarter in 2012 came in at a 3% contraction, from the previous quarter, this is not good. BNP Paribas posted a 33% fall in profit, a French man has set himself on fire due to the austerity cuts. France is very unlikely to hit its budget targets and even Pension is France are now being looked at, Frances 10 year bond yields have also started to climb. Investors are losing confidence in the Gallic nation. French unemployment rose to a 13-year high of 10.2 per cent in the second quarter as the economy shrank for the first quarter since 2009. In the UK, Blockbusters, the DVD chain, not the TV program, "can I have a P please bob" is closing. The horse meat scandal continues to trot on and will soon develop in to a gallop, not good for ready made foods, however this could be good for local high street butchers.

Sterling and the euro seem to be bouncing around, the euro was at a 10 month high, then sterling had a rebound and has now dropped again. If you are moving back to the UK and are looking to return your funds back to the UK, then before you do anything, speak to Moneycorp, they can save you money not only on the exchange rate, they can save you money on bank charges as well, resulting in more money in your pocket and not giving you hard earner money to the bank. To find out how our currency partner Moneycorp can help you: Call the Costa del Sol office on 952 587 657 Email costalink@moneycorp.com

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her super visor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the super visor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The super visor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “It's Dave, the dwarf.”

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-alec guy at the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery" "Oh, God no!" Cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

COsTALETs

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Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 82 96 31 www.costalet.com Minerva Complex (inside, at its back), 29630 Benalmádena Costa

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Want to avoid a heart attack?

The Italians drink red wine every day and also consume a lot of oily foods and carbohydrates, but suffer fewer heart attacks than the English or Americans.

The French drink huge amounts of red wine and eat lots of rich fatty foods but also suffer fewer heart attacks than the English or Americans. The Spanish and Portuguese drink lots of cheap red wine and eat spicy, salty and fatty foods but still suffer fewer heart attacks than Poms and Yanks.

The Japanese drink whisky, eat little fat - except for endangered whale fat smoke like trains, work with frantic levels of stress and (yes, you have guessed it) still suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans or the English.

Chinese also smoke like crazy, drink little red wine, eat lots of fatty fried pork and duck, live in intolerably overcrowded cities, and even they have fewer heart attacks than the English or Americans. Conclusion...eat and drink what you like, it is speaking English that kills you!

666 089 427

private buyer

Guide...

BAR & RESTAURANT

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RUBARB & LEMON CURD CAKE One for your Mum why not treat her on the 10th! Moderately Easy - Serves 8

Ingredients:

Method:

225g unsalted butter, softened 225g caster sugar Zest 1 lemon 4 medium eggs at room temperature 75g ground almonds 200g self-raising flour 140g forced rhubarb - cut into small

1 tbsp demerara sugar

FOR THE TOPPING 75ml double cream 3 tbsp lemon curd, plus extra for drizzling

1) Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Lightly butter a deep, round 20cm cake tin and line the base with a circle of nonstick baking parchment. 1)Place the butter in a large bowl and beat with an electric whisk until light and fluffy, then add the caster sugar and lemon zest and beat again. Gradually add the eggs to the mixture, beating well with each addition, until fully combined. The mixture will begin to look glossy - if at any stage the mixture curdles, beat in a spoonful of ground almonds and continue to add the egg until it is all amalgamated. 3) Stir in the ground almonds, then the flour, and fold everything carefully together using a large spoon. Fold through half the rhubarb, then transfer the mixture into the prepared cake tin and scatter with the remaining rhubarb. Finish with the demerara sugar sprinkled on top. Bake the cake for 45 mins, or until a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool slightly in the tin, then remove from the tin. When the cake is cold, make the topping. 4) Whip the cream in a large bowl until it forms soft peaks. In a small bowl, loosen the lemon curd with about 1 tbsp water and carefully fold it through the cream, without overworking. Spread over the cake, drizzle with a little more lemon curd and serve immediately.

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Golden Sun

Catering for AGM’s and Parties with group discounts. Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Mama Nostra

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

INDIA LUCIA

Harrys Sports Bar

Indian Cuisine in Andalucia

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

Good Quality, Quality, Great VValue alue Calle Jerez Urb. Torrenue Torrenueva T orrenueva 96

Tel: T el: 951 40 76 95

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant Call: 951 216 131

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 24 & 82

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See High Chair Cross Roads

Brain Teaser

The surgeon was his mother.

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Madonna 2) L’Oreal Paris 3) South 4) 8 5) Elton John 6) The Beckhams 7) Jesus Wept 8) Potter 9) Faldo 10) Goldie Hawn 11) Beijing 12) Earl 13) Ship 14) Boy Scouts 15) Wood 16) Sagittarius 17) Spencer 18) 8 19) Zipcode 20) Cumberland 21) Kendel 22) Sahara 23) Haricot 24) Pig 25) 4 26) Sturgeon 27) 5 28) Isle of Wight 29) Red, Yellow, Blue 30) Nora Batty

teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions 100 ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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