Costa Link Magazine May 2010 by Costalink Magazine

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C o s t a l I n k m ma ag ga az z ii n ne e

COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - INCLUDING FUENGIROLA, LA CALA, CALAHONDA, ELVIRIA, MARBELLA, PUERTO BANUS, SAN PEDRO, ESTEPONA, LA DUQUESA, SOTOGRANDE, ALHAURIN AND COÍN.

MAY 2010 NO. 38

W W W. C O S TA L I N K M A G A Z I N E . C O M WWW.COSTALINKMAGAZINE.COM

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Jokes H o ro s c o p e s

Local Info

Kids Page

What’s On Guide

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Bar & Restaurant Guide

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Contact Us Welcome to The May edition of The Costa Link. What a month this promises to be!! Its May day or Labour Day on the 1st – so look out for a celebration near to you. sales@costalinkmagazine.com For those that like to live the Spanish way, it’s Mother’s day on the 2nd The general election in the U.K. on the 6th – Its going www.costalinkmagazine.com to be a close one, and whoever gets in is really going to have their work cut out for them for the next few months/years, only to be criticised by just about everyone else! costalink.magazine There are three Grand Prix this month. The first in Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Barcelona on the 9th, followed by my own favourite Monaco on the 16th and Turkey on the 30th. Will Deadline Date: 15th of each Jenson Button keep hold of his World championship? I month. hope so, he has waited a long time for a team and a car No part of this publication, including that match his own talents. pictures may be copied, SCANNED, And, of course, there’s the FA Cup Final on the 15th. used or reproduced without our prior Chelsea vs. Portsmouth – who would have thought it? Will Chelsea win the double? Don’t Pompey deserve to written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsi- win after a really bad season? We will see. bility for alterations to events listed, claims Maybe will finally see and end to the rain this month, made by our advertisers or information pro- and if not there is so much going on, you can spend vided by our contributors. most of the month watching it on the television!!!!

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toupee to cover my dome, Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee, I don't live to play golf and watch football, I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal, I won't tell you my wife just does not understand, stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see, you can forget all about that old penis envy I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick, I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you! See it from a Man’s point of view on page26!

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I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am, I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam, I don't brag to my friends about my erections, I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions, I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown, and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your boobs, I won't pinch your bum, my belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch, I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind, I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing, I don't have body hair like shag carpeting, It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back, When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb, I'll never buy a

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number one - but what happened to George..? Post Talent, the super cute teen has starred in West End show Into The Hoods, had a best selling dance DVD (and a not so best selling single), starred in 3D film Street Dance and recently landed a regular part in BBC drama Waterloo Road. Go George! Paul and his strange teeth won the Nation's hearts with his stirring rendition of Nessun Dorma in 2007. The salesman said he'd been bullied as a kid but had found solace through singing. Paul's appeared on TV sung with Katherine Jenkins, performed at concerts, sold over two million albums, got married and had his teeth fixed. Hurray! His life story is currently being turned into a film, and there's talk that comedy actor Nick Frost will take the starring role. I wonder what delights await us from the new series?!

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With BGT hitting our screens once again we at Costa Link thought weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d have a look though the mists of time to see where some of the winners and losers of this very funny show are now Lords of the dance, Stavros Flatley, won the hearts of the nation in 2009 with their wibbly wobbly double act, which saw the father-son duo perform a Greek version of River Dance, half naked. Since Britain's Got Talent, the boys have toured the UK, written a book called How To Be (A Little Bit) Greek, led the St Patrick's Day Parade in China and performed for London Irish's first home game of the season against Gloucester. You can catch the duo later this year at The Isle Of Man Festival. Aged just 14 George won series two with his lamp post twirling routine to Mint Royal's Singin' In The Rain. The song became

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3rd, when series six will run for three months - that's assuming there isn't a hung parliament, in which case you may have to wait until 2011. Big Brother Of course all this would mean that - yikes The Apprentice clashed with Big Brother! The very last series of BB should be joining us late May/early June, which means the final could be going up against Sugar's big finale. And finally..... Lost: Final Episode Yes, it’s the day they thought would never come: Lost comes to an end. So clear your diary for May 28th and start placing bets on how this weird, wonderful and defiantly long-running series is going wrap itself up.

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Hot gossip is going telly mad this month! Summer see’s a few of our old favorites hitting the screen again The X Factor No summer reality TV experience is complete without a healthy dose of The X Factor, which returns in August ready to see us through the autumn months. They’re auditioning until May 15th if you fancy your chances, and this time you can send in a video of you singing, which should be slightly less nervewracking than warbling in front of Simon and who knows who..... The Apprentice If you’re wondering where Sir Alan has got to, fear not, this year’s series has been postponed to the summer to avoid clashing with the general election. So prepare to renew your addiction sometime after June

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• Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink. • Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. • Tired of working for only 9.75€ per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: 7€ -- 9€ per hour. • Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell. • Nordic Track 300€ hardly used, call Chubby. • Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer 300€. • Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. • Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog. • Snow Blower for sale only used on snowy days.

• Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate. • FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. 1,000€ or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything. • Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male. • For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. • For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story. • Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour. • Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

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Men Vâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Women...

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bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a stolen towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. Shopping - A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the shop and buys these things. A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half a mouldy piece of cheese and a beer. Then he goes shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his trolley is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane. Plants - A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on holiday. The man waters the plants. The woman comes to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. Continued on page 16...

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Relationships - When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. Maturity - Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still giving each other wedgies after PE. This is why high school romances rarely work out. Bathrooms - A man has six items in his

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Men Vâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Women Continued...

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she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a petrol station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know I'm in the general area. I recognise that last lamp post." Toys - Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. For instance: little miniature TVâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, Graphic equalizers. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at lot of batteries. Cats - Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

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Going Out - When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup... Offspring - Ah!, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and football games and romances and best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. The Telephone - Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her friend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. Directions - If a woman is out driving, and

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Illuminating...

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• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? • "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? • Does anyone ever say, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?

Just a thought!? • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? • Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? • When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in what happens to the other penny? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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Yes Prime Ministerâ&#x20AC;Ś...

Hacker: May I clarify something? Who knows the Foreign Office secrets, apart from the Foreign Office? Bernard: That's easy - only the Kremlin.

Bernard: I think you should put out a press statement showing sympathy for the unemployed. Humphrey: Why? Bernard: You may be joining them any moment.

Humphrey: Prime Minister I must strongly protest in the strongest possible terms, my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and coordinated discharge of the function of government within her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Hacker: You mean you've lost your key?

Head of MI5: There was a lot of ridiculous press speculation at the time, suggesting Halstead was a spy. Totally unfounded of course. Hacker: But he was a spy. Head of MI5: But they didn't know that!

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Humphrey (about Hacker The Prime Minister): He's got no. 10, a salary, a pension for life. What more can he want? Bernard: I think he wants to govern Britain. Humphrey: Well stop him, Bernard!

about it? Hacker: Join the Civil Service!

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With the general election coming up on May the 6th here are a few choice quotes from a former PM!

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Head of MI5: We can't have unfounded, arrogant press speculation. That's the last thing we want. Hacker: Even if it's accurate? Head of MI5: Oh, especially if it's accurate.

Bernard: You only need to know things on a need to know basis. Humphrey: I need to know everything. How else can I judge whether or not I need to know it? Bernard: So you need to know things, even when you don't need to know them. You need to know them not because you need to know them, but because you need to know whether or not you need to know. And if you don't need to know you still need to know so that you know that there was no need to know. Humphrey: Yes!

Hacker: Do we ever get our own way with the French? Humphrey: Sometimes. Hacker: When was the last time? Humphrey: Battle of Waterloo, 1853. Dorothy: An ordinary person wants to stop a major government policy. What can he do

Humphrey: Nuclear weapons are there to make people believe that Britain is defended. Bernard: The Russians? Humphrey: No, not the Russians, the British. The Russians know it's not.

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I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese, I don't moan to my girlfriends about the size of my boobs, I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get drunk after only 2 beers, and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair and I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing, I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think it’s a privilege for me to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball it’s more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see, I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all hormoney every 28 days I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

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belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Police Man: Madam, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk. The Juggler A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer demanded. So he got out the matches and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "Crikey! I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

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The Helpful Wife A male driver is pulled over by a police man and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Police Man: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Police Man: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Police Man: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat

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DODGE RAM 1500 REGISTERED IN 2006 LHD ON UK 6 SEATS WITH AIR-CON LEATHER FULLY LOADED 15,995€

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NISSAN TERRANO 2005 SWB 3.0 DI TOURING AIR-CON CD E/W C/L 11,995 REDUCED TO 9,995€

HYUNDAI GETZ 2006 5 DOOR AIR-CON CD E/W C/L ONLY 45.000KLS FROM NEW 5,995€

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PEUGEOT 307CC CABRIOLET CHOICE OF TWO 04/07 MAN/AUTOMATIC PRICES FROM 9,995€

RENAULT CLIO 2002 FIVE DOOR NEW ITV AIR-CON E/W C/L ONLY 55.000 KLS FROM NEW REDUCED TO 3,995€

CITREON C3 PETROL 2003 AIR-CON 5 DOOR CD E/W C/L NEW ITV & TYRES 4,995€

GRAND CHEROKEE LAREDO 2.5 DIESEL MANUAL NEW TYRES AND SHOCKS AIR-CON 4,995€

CHRYSLER VOYAGER 2.5 TDI 7 SEATS ALMOST 2004 FULLY LOADED IN EVERY WAY MUST BE SEEN 10,995€

FORD MONDEO ESTATE CHOICE OF 2 DIESEL OR PETROL 01/05 BOTH SPANISH FROM 5,995€

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CITREON BERLINGO 2004 DIESEL TWIN SIDE DOORS AIR-CON E/W C/L CD PLAYER 5,995 €

A SELECTION OF UK PLATED CARS FOR SALE PLEASE CALL FOR MORE DETAILS

PIAGGIO APE 50 REGISTERED IN 2007 ONLY 923 KLS FROM NEW DRIVEN ON MOPED LICENCE BARGAIN AT 2,995€

SSANGYONG REXTON 270XDI AUTOMATIC A/C E/W PAS ABS CD LEATHER FULLY LOADED 15,995€

CITREON JUMPER 2.2 DIESEL 9 SEATS LHD SPANISH AIR-CON CENTRAL LOCKING E/W JUST REDUCED TO 8,995€

ROVER 45 DIESEL 4 DOOR AIR-CON E/W C/L CD PLAYER NEW ITV REDUCED TO 3,995€

CHRYSLER VOYAGER 2.5 DIESEL 11/2003 SEVEN SEATS AIR-CON ELECTRIC WINDOWS CENTRAL LOCKING SPANISH 10,995€

Paws for thought...

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female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

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Grave Danger - A man was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery, he heard a voice say, "Mark! Mark!". Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, "Mark! Mark!". That did it. He took off full speed and didn't stop until he was well outside the gates. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with a hare lip.

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The Talking Parrots - A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two

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Free Pe from St A t Taxi nth College e onys v Saturday ery fo groomin r gs

Medical Tips... WHEN IS IT BEST TO DO A SMEAR TEST?

Jade Goody has recently dominated the headlines in her plight to raise awareness of the need to access regular cervical smear testing. Cervical Cancer is a treatable disease and if Jade had, had the opportunity to be tested earlier her reality may have been a different one .

The Department of Health recommends women between the ages of 25 and 64 years of age, have routine smears. In our opinion all women that are sexually active need to be screened regardless of age. It is best to schedule your smear for the middle of your menstrual cycle as it is easiest to get a good sample at this time. If you are menstruating it may be too difficult for us to get an adequate sample, or if you think you may be pregnant it is best for us to know, and we can test for this. HOW ARE THE RESULTS GIVEN AND WHAT DO THEY MEAN?

After 7 to 10 days you will be recalled to the clinic to discuss your results. If there are abnormal cell changes, you will be referred for a follow up appointment. If the cells are clear, you will wait another year before re booking unless you have any concerns in the meantime.

•This examination only takes a few minutes and could save your life.

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•A Cervical Smear test is an important part of maintaining health for all women who have ever been sexually active. Some women may find the smear test uncomfortable or embarrassing and so may put off having one.

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WHY IS CERVICAL SCREENING SO IMPORANT IN WOMEN´S HEALTH

•Annual smear tests reduce your risk of Cervical Cancer by 92%

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•In the UK alone it is estimated to save 1000 lives each year

•80-90% of abnormalities are detected through regular smear tests, and can be treated early to Prevent Cancer WHAT IS A SMEAR TEST?

In a Private room with a female nurse we will ask you to lie on an examination couch with a blanket over you. You will be asked to lie in position with you feet together and knees apart and a disposable plastic speculum will be inserted into your vagina. This holds the walls of the vagina open so your cervix can be seen. We will then use a tiny brush or spatula to gently scrape off a sample of your cervical cells. These cells are then smeared onto a glass slide to be sent to the laboratory. The speculum is then removed, with minimal discomfort within those few minutes.

By Nurse David Donaldson.

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A Nurse led service providing an innovative and holistic approach to healthcare that brings the values and practices of a British Health Centre to the Costa del Sol, enabling you to access a service that is familiar. •Community Mental Health team Mens Health Clinic (Includes PSA, Testicular examination) •Care Coordination Centre •Asthma Clinic •Diabetes Management •Vaccination Clinics

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•Well Womens Clinic (Cervical Smears, breast examinations) •Full Health Assessments •Dyslexia Assessments •Complimentary Therapists •Counseling service •Hypertension management

Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com

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Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking.

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e l i t e Glass Curtains SL Protect and reduce effect of dust, wind, noise &

Protect and reduce the effects of dust, wind, noise rain on your balcony & rain on your balcony Createananallallyear yearround roundusable usable terrace terrace Create Framelessglazing glazingsystem systemwith with undisturbed undisturbed views Frameless views 20 years experience in glazing industry

Full public liability insurance

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Specialist in manufacturing glass curtains Specialist in manufacturing glass curtains

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SPECIALIST MANUFACTURERS AND INSTALLERS OF GLASS CURTAINS

Open

Trade and commercial enquires welcome

Closed Elviria

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Trade and commercial enquiries welcome

After

Before

References available upon request From quotation to installation you can be sure of a first class product and service from Elite Glass Curtains

We will beat any like for like quotation

For your free no obligation quotation call now on PHONE - 952 830 503 MOBILE - 630 625 085 E-MAIL - info@eliteglasscurtains.com WEB - www.eliteglasscurtains.com ELITE GLASS CURTAINS S.L., POLIGONO ELVIRIA 26, ELVIRIA 29600

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although this solution may not be practical for everyone, If you have a horse on a yard where he lives out, then try investing in a purpose made sweet itch rug , such as a Boett or a Pagony these offer complete coverage from ears to half way down the tail, and cover the belly completely to just in front of udder or sheath. although initially an expensive outlay, they are a sound investment, and will pay for themselves over again, If a sweet itch rug is not an option, there are various products that are on the market most containing Benzyl Benzoate, Coal Tar, or Caladryl lotions all have their advocates, once established, your vet can treat with antihistamine or long acting corticosteroid injections, but these are costly and have to be administered on a regular basis. So if you see your horse starting to rub, then act quickly, as i said earlier prevention is better than cure, and none of us want to see our equine friends suffer.

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From The Horses Mouth - Sweet Itch...

Hi to all you horse lovers out there! I am sure that now the temperatures are picking up, many of your horses will soon start itching, this is usually a result of sweet itch. Sweet itch is a severe and sometimes disfiguring form of dermatitis; it can affect any type, colour or breed of horse, from all over the world. A family background to your horse suggests that this condition can be caused through a hereditary factor. The itching usually first appears on horses or ponies at between two to three years of age, as it usually takes a couple of summer seasons of exposure, before the equine shows a reaction. It is thought that sweet itch is probably an hypersensitive reaction to the saliva of midges in the Culicoides group. Once established it occurs each year when the temperatures start to rise, only to regress again when the colder weather arrives. A localised form of dermatitis that usually affects mane and poll area, and the root of the tail, in severe cases, the neck, shoulder and hindquarters as well. In the early stages the skin becomes much thickened because the intense irritation causes the horse to rub on any convenient rubbing post, rail or tree, the hair in these areas quickly becomes thin and tufted. And the skin oozes small globules of serum onto the surface. As the itch becomes worse and the rubbing constant, the hair of the mane and tail is completely lost and the skin develops a corrugated appearance, becoming ridged and scaly, long standing cases develop skin sores and ulcers which can prove difficult to heal. With this nasty condition, it is thought that prevention is better than cure fitting a screen across the stable door to prevent the midge entering, and hanging insecticide strips, try stabling your horse during high risk times i.e. from late afternoon until next morning,

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MOBILE MOBILE HAIRDRESSING HAIRDRESSING

IInn the the Comfort Comfort and and C Convenience onvenience ooff YYour our Own Own Home! Home!

GREAT G REAT AT VVALUE ALUE FFOR OR MONEY MO NEY OF

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LY 25 25 EUROS EURO S ONLY

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aircut your h your e v a H er with togeth /husband r partne ntleman’s ge e h t d REE! an ut is F c hair

BENEFITS B ENEFITS FFOR OR YYOU OU

Convenient Convenient rrelaxed elaxed p professional rofessional w work ork Fair price brilliant Fair p rice - b rilliant vvalue alue Convenient Convenient ttimes imes tto o ssuit uit yyou ou Fantastic, Fantastic, easy easy to to manage manage haircuts haircuts 100% 100% Satisfaction Satisfaction guaranteed guaranteed

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Shampoo, poo, C Cut ut & F Finish inish S Shampoo, hampoo, C Cut ut & F Finish inish

PETER B PETER BLANKS L ANKS TTEL: EL: 6 634 34 8 88 8 113 36 68 8 Convenient C onvenient aaffordable f fordable hairdressing hairdressing

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GARDE CE TER L I D AV I S TA

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

HUGE RANGE OF: POTS GARDEN TOOLS PLANTS FLOWERS & SHRUBS GARDEN FURNITURE GARDEN ORNAMENTS

BUSINESS BUSINE ESS F FOR OR RS SALE ALE

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GREAT GREA AT BUS BUSINESS SINESS OP OPPORTUNITY PORTUNIT Y

FOR SALE IN MIJ MIJAS JAS COSTA COST TA WELL EST TA ABLISH HED FISH & CHIP ESTABLISHED RESTAURANT REST TAURANT AND AN ND TAKE TA AKE AWAY AWAY 50 CO COVERS VERS 102m2 102m m2 ON TWO TWO FLOORS FRONT TERRACE FL OORS AND FR RONT TERRA CE LEASEHOLD

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CAN’T T GET A BANKLOAN BANKL LOAN PAY P AY DEPOSIT, DE EPOSIT T, AND BALANCE BALANCE BY MON NTHL LY INST TALLMEN A NTS MONTHLY INSTALLMENTS

NO IN INTEREST NTEREST CHARGES CHAR RGES

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Call: Cal l: 626 90 907 7 532 5

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Probably the best value on the coast

Special Tapas Menu Large Choice of Tapas

3 for 5€

RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED

www.brownsbenalmadena.com

663 061 669

Flamingo Square

browns The Restaurant

Fuengirola Avda. Antonio Machado Torremolinos

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Cockles Seafood

PORTSIDE CAFE - BAR

Fuengirola

NOW AT

Everything direct from London Pie, Mash and Liquer Jellied Eels, Dressed crab, Whelks, Peeled prawns, Mussels, Winkles and much more! Eat In and Take Away Now supplying wholesale

Traditional and Vegetarian Fayre available including: Burgers, Lasagne, Currys, Chillis, Fresh salads, Homemade chips, All day breakfasts and much more. Quorn products, Childrens menu, and a selection of Desserts also available.

Open daily Tuesday Sunday 10.00 18.00 Frontline Fuengirola Port Marina. Tel: 672 028 226 40

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952 576 513 659 255 411

Telephone:

Just Give Us A Call

The Restaurant

Carril del Siroco

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

browns Benalmadena

Bar & Restaurant Guide...

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La Cala Hills

PUNJAB PALACE

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Open Daily From 11pm till 4pm 6pm till Midnight Take Away FREE Home Delivery Service Playa Marina 952 583 594 666 435 762 See our website for menu details

www.punjabpalaceplayamarina.es Urb. Playa Marina, Local 5b,29649 Mijas Costa

Playa Marina

INDIAN RESTAURANT

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Playa Marina

A N E P YS O A W D O UR N AT S

La Cala

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La Cala

Sat

Complementary Handmade Chocolates with all meals in the restaurant

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Snack Attack Cafe - Bar

Due to popular demand Snack Attack is now open on Sundays 10am - 4pm for Breakfast, Lunch and our popular ROAST DINNER 2 courses for only 10 €

GREAT VALUE BREAKFAST ONLY 3.95€

LUNCH TIME SPECIALS (changes daily) KITCHEN NOW OPEN UNTIL 6PM Early EVENING TAPAS AVAilable

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Open from 7.30 for Quality Breakfast, Lunch and Sandwiches

Everything available as take away for days out Why not take a baguette of your choice to the Local 26 Jardín Botánico, beach or airport? La Cala de Mijas NOW IN OUR 7 T H YEAR Tel: 952 493 184

On the Sunny Side of the Street

May Cocktails... Method

The May Day is an interesting blend of fresh fruit flavors with a rum and apple juice base. This recipe makes two highball drinks.

1.Blend all the ingredients together with crushed ice. 2.Pour the mix equally into two highball glasses. 3.Garnish with an apple fan.

• 2 Ripe peaches, pitted and roughly chopped • 2 Shots of rum • 4 Strawberries, cubed • Flesh and seeds of 2 passion fruit • 113ml of cloudy apple juice • 1 Tbsp of fine sugar • 2 Tsp grated fresh ginger • Crushed ice • Apple fans for garnish

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Ingredients

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The May Day.. .

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Harrys Sports Bar

SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS

Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.

Sisters Bar

Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas. Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

Friendly family bar. Tasty homemade food. Value for money specials & tapas. Draught beer from 1€. All sports on large screen. Fun karaoke nights. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579

Calahonda

La Cala

CHI ESE RESTAURA T

Los Jarales

HONG KONG

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Freshly Cooked New Menu. Warm Friendly Atmosphere. Above Shenanigans, Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 039. Closed Tuesdays.

Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 676

RIVIERA DEL SOL SMALL FRIENDLY BAR

WITH LARGE SUNNY TERRACE AND FANTASTIC VIEWS OVER THE MED. LIVE SPORT FUN QUIZ NIGHTS - THURS MUSIC NIGHTS Avenida del Golf

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Just Give Us A Call

JJ’s Bar

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ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Telephone: 663 061 669

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Family Bar Internet, Karaoke Wednesday Quiz With Billy Live Entertainment Pool Tables Games Machines Open for Food Closed Tuesdays Soul Night - Last Saturday of Every Month

Beautiful panoramic sea and beach views from the terrace.

Riviera del sol JJ’s Bar

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Urb. El Pilar, Edif. Benapilar. Locales 8-10, Estepona. Exit Km 168 (Opposite the Crowne Plaza Hotel) Tel: 952 88 36 66

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We specialise in serving our customers the highest quality food, w service, large portions, good value and most i FROM SPRING OUR BEAUTIFUL GARDEN TERRACES ARE OPEN -

OFA BED & S SHOP

SIR ALAN SUGAR

THEO PHAPHITIS

GEORGE GRAHAM

LIZ DAWN

WE ARE THE CELEBRITIES CHOIC

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C/Jose de Espronceda, Edif. Mrc 7, Locale 32, ‘La Campana’, (opp. La Torre Andalucia Hotel) Nueva Andalucia, Marbella. Tel: 952 81 79 89

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d, whether you choose to eat in or take away. A friendly, efficient st important of all - GREAT COMFORT FOOD!!! N - TRENDY...BUZZY...ENJOYABLE. OUTDOOR EATING AT IT’S BEST

OICE FOR GREAT FISH AND CHIPS

PAT RICE

SHAYNE WARD

CASINO

San Pedro

CILLA BLACK

ALAN DAVIES

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Marbella

Restaurant Review...

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They have a great range of drinks including milkshakes (made with ice cream) health drinks such as pomegranate and green tea as well as real fruit smoothies. If you just want a snack then there are sandwiches, baguettes, bagels, wraps and I love the toasted paninis. Mark and Rob the proprietors had sandwich bars in London and so the choice of fillings are amazing. They are really good at creating different foods that work well together; my favourite is chicken, rocket, cherry tomato and shaved parmesan. Last Sunday, we went to try their roast dinner for the first time - it was great all the vegetables were fresh and the roast potatoes were so tasty, and it only cost 10.00 € for a two course lunch! I love going to snack attack either with my family or I feel comfortable to go on my own because there is always a warm welcoming atmosphere, its known as “the local meeting eating place” Mark and Robs principles are quite simple; high quality food and drink served with a smile in a friendly atmosphere and has been their recipe for continued success “well done guys keep up the good work”

SNACK ATTACK SANDWICH BAR KITCHEN, LA CALA TEL:952 493 184 OPEN MONDAY - FRIDAY 7.30 - 6.30PM SATURDAY 7.30 - 4.00PM SUNDAY 10.00 – 4.00PM We are regular visitors at Snack Attack and have been going there for a few years now. They have such a good selection of food to satisfy even the most fussiest of diners right from a great value breakfast at only 3.95€ through to lunch including a different range of burgers, omelettes, salads, jacket potatoes and Donar Kebab -YUMMY! But one of my favourites is the large battered cod and home made chips – it is massive! As well as a great choice of daily specials ranging from Shepherd’s Pie to Salmon and Dill Fish Cakes, they also have a super saver special – it is a hot meal and a drink for just 5.00€ and the meal changes daily!!!

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

Golden Sun

Riveria del Sol

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Papa Luigi

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

From Keeley and Darcy- La Cala If you have enjoyed an experience in a restaurant and would like to see your review on this page please send it to editor@costalinkmagazine.com

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE Telephone: 663 061 669

JUST GIVE US A CALL

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RIVIERA DEL SOL

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CHARLEYโ S

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W h a t â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s O n

Your Entertainment Guide

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Shenanigans, 9.30pm Riviera del Sol. Fish and Chip Night - The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Allstars, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Saturdays: Live Music Bar Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Sister Bar. The Strip, Calahonda. Live Entertainment - Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Sundays: Sunday Roast & Live Music - Vista Del Mar. 1 till 6pm â&#x201A;Ź10.95 Plus live music. Live Entertainment - Mad Terry, from 5pm Shaggys, Fuengirola Port, Courtyard. Sunday Roast - 1pm - 10pm, The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Carvery & Karaoke - Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol.

Mondays: Live Sports, Quiz & Bing -Bar Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Live Sports, - Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Tuesdays: Karaoke - Fools bar. El Zoco, Calahonda. Karaoke - Allstars, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Racenights (First Tuesday Everymonth) Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Wednesdays: Indian & Chinease Night The Far Isle, Authentic Indian or Chinese Cuisine. Live Sports, - Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Thursdays: Karaoke - Fools Bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. Quiz Night - Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Quiz Night - JJâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bar, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke- Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Quiz - 80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Quiz. Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Fridays: Karaoke - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Paul the Bearâ&#x20AC;? Bar

ADVERTISE YOUR EVENTS!

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Call: 663 061 669

MADHATTERS

Next to Barclays Bank, Nueva Andalucia - Tel 951 279 080

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Traditional Sunday Roast

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Take Away

952 930 717 Tuesday To Sunday 10am to 10pm

Please Order 1 Hour Before For Our Best Service

Find Us Behind OPEN COR Riviera Edif. El Saladito 2, BC 3, Urb.Riviera del Sol, 29649 Mijas Costa

Before You Date My Daughter:

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3.Do you own or have access to a van? A truck with oversize tires? A waterbed?

4.Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring?

5.Do you have a tattoo? If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.

6.In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you? 7.In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?

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2.Number of years your parents have been married: Any brothers or sisters? Are they normal?

10.Church / Temple you attend: ____________________________ How often do you attend: ____________________________ 11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________ 12. Please fill in the blanks: a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________ b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________ c. A woman's place is in the ____________________________ d. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________ e. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________ Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised 13.What do you want to be if you grow up?

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, and current medical report from your doctor: Name: Date of Birth: Height: Weight: IQ: NIE/CIF Number: Driving License Number: Telephone: Home Address: City: Postcode: 1.Do you have one male and one female parent? If "No", explain:

8.In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you? 9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse. Signature of applicant ______________________ Signature of father _______________________________ Signature of mother _______________________________ Signature of priest/rabbi _______________________________ Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.

www.EASYMOVESPAIN.com

LOW COST - International

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REMOVALS & STORAGE

From

£75

p/Cube

Spain - UK

952 375 899 646 669 640

DISCOUNTS ON SELECTED UK AREAS

Free - Insurance & Storage

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Call us for details on:

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BEST FOR PRICE - BEST FOR SERVICE

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reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

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Baked beans Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, “He is so sweet and gentlemanly, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans. Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which

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Windy Issues...

Blame it on the Dog Julie can really fart! A while ago she started dating a guy called Toby. She doesn’t quite know how to bring up her little situation, but luckily, Toby has a dog. As most of her farts are silent she simply blames the dog. This goes on for a few weeks, with them spending several evenings together and her blaming the dog on many occasions. On their last night together, they are sitting in the living room watching a movie and Julie lets out an exceptionally bad odour. As always, once the smell hits the air she makes a casual remark, blaming it on the dog. Toby turns to her and tells her that his dog is dead. He asks her if it has been her who has been farting over the past several weeks. She confesses that it has, and his face turns white. It turns out that Toby’s dog was really, really old and Toby was quite concerned about its well being and suffering, so he took it to the vet who inferred that his dog may be getting sick. After trying some medication from the vet for a few weeks, to no avail, Toby made the rather rash decision to put his dog down, rather than wait and watch it deteriorate further. The irony of course is that his dog wasn’t sick at all. Julie’s farts killed Toby’s dog. Like I said, the girl can fart.

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ocal Info 112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

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Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

86 58

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

Cinemas

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

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Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

(Marina)

Transport

All the Cinemas listed below

show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

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Emergency Numbers

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st May - Labour Day. 2nd May - Mothers Day in Spain. 3rd May - Mayday in the UK & Republic of Ireland. 11th May - Bob Marley Day! 31st May - Spring Bank Holday in the UK & Republic of Ireland.

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

DRAIN & LEAK

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SOLUTIONS S.L.

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High Pressure water jetting Drain tracing, C.C.T.V. Septic tank problems and installations Bath, sinks and toilets unblocked Leak detection and repairs

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN! Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

Funny Quiz Answers...

GWR FM ( Bristol ) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant : I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND ) Presenter: What is the name of the longrunning TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The...? Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER ) Phil: What's 11 squared? Contestant: I don't know. Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five?

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BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey?

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BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester .

Is it Jewish?

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UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? Contestant: Homosexuals. Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS ) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ? Contestant: France . Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris . BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON ) DJ Mark: For ÂŁ10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one.

RICHARD AND JUDY Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? A: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . . Leslie: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . ... Leslie: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street ? LINCS FM P HONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanishspeaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona . Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

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Tel: +34 952 199 298 E-Mail: info@hypnotherapycostadelsol.com Website: www.hypnotherapycostadelsol.com

Fed Up Of Dieting?

Hypno-Band Did you know that women spend an average of three and a half years thinking about their weight, what they eat, dieting and healthy eating during their lifetime? (GMTV Breakfast Show 09.09.09). In terms of time wasted, this is a large chunk out of anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life! So what if you could forget all the dieting, forget all the constant thinking about what to eat and how many calories are in each and every bite? Have a surgical Gastric Band fitted? The TV presenter Fern Britten is a famous example of someone who has had one fitted and has certainly lost a lot of weight. But what if you could have all the benefits of a surgical Gastric Band, without the surgery and cost? By using the Hypno-Band System, we create a state of mind where you will believe you actually have a Gastric Band fitted! You will eat smaller portions and feel full. The Hypno-Band System is a long term solution to your weight problems at a fraction of the cost of surgery! At the moment, the Hypno-Band System is enjoying amazing success in the UK with Licensed Hypno-Band Practitioners in almost every region of the country. And now this treatment is available here in AndalucĂa at Hypnotherapy Costa Del Sol in Mijas Costa. Imagine no more diets, no invasive surgery, no stitches etc., just a pleasant and relaxing six hours (not all at once!) of therapy that will change your life forever! Although Virtual Gastric Band therapy has been around for a few years now, the Hypno-Band system has been uniformly tried and tested for weight loss and is now literally sweeping across the UK with astonishing results. So if you are living in misery because you feel there is no solution to your weight problem, contact Hypnotherapy Costa Del Sol and book in for your free initial appointment. What have you got to lose? Some weight, perhaps??

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EMAIL: econocool@hotmail.es

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Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy planed the robbery. They then go through plans together in great detail. The robbery begins... Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Sue, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Sue. Sue goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Sue. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the girls are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Sue said, "I did... I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

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Clumsy Criminals...

Two policemen are called to the scene of a crime in a convenience store. One asks the manager what happened. He replies "There's a man over there covered in Corn Flakes and he's dead." "That's odd," said the first policeman, "didn't we have one covered in Bran Flakes yesterday? And another covered in Wheata Flakes last week?" "Your right" said the second policeman. "This must be the work of a cereal killer."

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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 84

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Quick Crossword Across 1. Hanker (5) 3. Lariat (5) 6. Decimal base (3) 8. Conundrums (7) 9. Garret (5) 10. Dull pain (4) 13. Long narrative

11. Time of year (6) 12. Gentle breeze (6) 15. Untrusting (4) 16. Aquatic bird (4)

Sudoku

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Logic Puzzle

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Down 1. Abominable snowman (4) 2. Serviette (6) 3. Indolent (4) 4. Choice (9) 5. Marine mollusk (6) 7. Sustenance (9)

poem (4) 14. Commence (5) 17. Vegetable (7) 18. Novel (3) 19. Nursemaid (5) 20. Synthetic fabric (5)

How many words can you make from the letters in the wheel? Each word must contain the hub letter H. Can you find a 9letter word and at least 15 other words of five letters or more avoiding proper nouns?

Mathematical Teaser

Arrange the ten digits 0 to 9 in three arithmetical sums, using three of the four operations of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, and using no signs except the ordinary ones implying those operations. Here is an example to make it quite clear (note that the example is not correct): 3+4=7 9-8=1 5 X 6 = 30

Say What You See...

TIME TIME

FAMILYYYY

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Strange but true...

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•If someone cuts bread in an uneven manner is a sign that they have been telling lies. •If the finger or toe nails of an infant are cut previous to the age of 12 months, it will prove a thief in mature age. •Hanging a snake skin from the rafters protects you from fire •If you see a chimney sweep then shake his hand so that some of his good luck rubs off onto you. •If you shave your head on a Saturday, you will be in perpetual debt. •On the first day of the month it is lucky to say "white rabbits, white rabbits white rabbits," before uttering your first word of the day. •A knife placed under the bed during the

childbirth will ease the labour pains. •Keeping a hat on the bed causes bad luck. •Dropping scissors on the floor means your lover is unfaithful to you. •If you use the same pen to take a test that you used for studying to take the test you will get good marks as the pencil remembers the answers •Unless you were born in October, it's unlucky to wear opals. •A spider is a repellent against plague when worn around the neck in a walnut shell. If you bite your tongue while eating, it is because you have recently told a lie. •The sound of bells drives away demons because they're afraid of the loud noise. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match. •A fish should always be eaten from the head toward the tail.

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Strange Superstitions...

METACONA

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Manufacturers of ornate iron work

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Aluminium doors and windows Mosquito screens Shower screens Electric shutters suppliers of scissor gates Stainless steEl welding and fabrications Toldos manual or electric cctv and smoke screen

Nave 8, Fase 3, Poligono La Vega, Camino Coin, Mijas Costa

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Tel: 617 760 155 Email: metacona@hotmail.com Do you need a han handyman? ndyman? ndyman? General Maintenance Main ntenance Painting/Decorating Painting/Dec corating Tiling T iling Fitting Kitchens K Flat Pack Assembly A Small Plumbing Repairs From Fuengirola to t Elvira Contact Dave on 660 026 875 Email jua-dsa@hotmail.com jua-dsa@hotm mail.com

ELECTRICIAN 16th Edition BS7671 Qualified Apprentice Trained 22 Years Experience t Rewiring & Extra Sockets t Lighting t Water Pumps Supplied & Refurbished t Fault Finding etc...

Call Ian - 650 15 15 69 email - electrician.in.spain@gmail.com www.electriciancostadelsol.com

Is your management company charging a fixed annual fee and then charging you again for everything they do? If this is happening to you, then you really need to call us. You do not need to pay twice for things which should be covered in your management fee. With over twelve years experience in Spanish property management and rentals, at Seabreeze and Blue Sky property management we offer an affordable, professional, efficient and flexible service to clients who want their property properly managed and well looked after. We provide a full range of property management and maintenance services for the home owner abroad, everything from simply making sure that your property is ready, every time you arrive at your holiday home, to small repairs and maintenance like replacing light bulbs, hanging pictures, installing lights and bathroom accessories, and more substantial work, painting, electrical, bathrooms and kitchens, small building work, or helping you with rentals, long or short term, and much more, for more information on the services we can provide for you please visit our web site www.seabreezeandbluesky.com, or call us on 34 665 560 443.

Age Care Association Charit y Shop

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If you are in need of help, would like advice or wish to volunteer, please contact Age Care Association on 691 761 088/655 903182 or visit our website at www.agecarecosta.org

Seabreeze & Bluesky

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N e w s SF r o m O u r A d v e r t i s e r s . . . T

Now that Spring has finally arrived you will find a surprising number of suitable outfits available at the shop, so come along and treat yourself to a new look, you can also choose a handbag, shoes, scarf and jewellery to complete your new style. There is a good supply of childrens’ clothing and a large book corner where you can browse. The shop has proved a great success with people coming from all parts of the coast to purchase some of the many interesting items to be found here. Look out for the ‘above average’ selection, with clothes that are ‘a little bit special’, including designer labels. The shop can be found in the Centro Comercial Los Jarales, Calahonda (just past Mercadona), and is open Monday to Friday from 10 – 4 pm and Saturday from 10 – 2 pm. All funds raised in the shop are used for the caring of and for helping the elderly; the shop is now celebrating its first anniversary, following a very successful opening year. If you are interested in helping in the Age Care shop, please contact 675 874308. Age Care Association is a fully registered, charitable organisation and is run entirely by volunteers. Age Care has a team which will help in times of extreme need, visiting people in their home or in hospital when necessary. We also help housebound clients with medical appointments, etc. Our volunteers are also trained to offer confidential help and guidance with the many different problems affecting older people. We also operate 3 drop-in centres and a carers’ group.

PARKER SOL PROPERTIES & COSTALETS C.I.F: B-92171388

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Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 829 631 www.costalet.com

C/ Sagitario 6, Jardines de Gamonal Blq 7, 29631 Arroyo de la Miel

IF YOU WISH TO BUY, SELL OR RENT LONG TERM FROM TORREMOLINOS TO ELVIRIA, CALL US NOW.

AREA SALES: CALL STEVE - 636 829 631 165,000€

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MIRAFLORES 2 BED

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1 BED, JUPITER COMPLEX, REFORMED,REFURBISHED, AFTERNOON SUN, HIGH RENTAL POTENTIAL SAT TV, 24HR RECEPT GREAT GARDEN & POOLS

STUDIO, MINERVA COMPLEX TOTALLY REFORMED & REFURBISHED, WELL EQUIPPED. GREAT RENTAL POTENTIAL. SAT TV. 24h RECEPTION, SHOP, BEAUTIFUL LARGE GARDENS & POOLS

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Beautiful! 178,000€

MANY OTHERS PROPERTIES AVAILABLE. CALL FOR DETAILS. RENTALS MIJAS AREA RENTALS BENALMADENA AREA CALL STEVE: 636 829 631 CALL STEVE: 651 756 185

RIVIERA DEL SOL, 2B/2B 525€ PM MIRAFLORES, Luxury Penthouse: 900€ PM

GAMONAL AREA STUDIOS from 300€ PM 50MTRS FROM BEACH, 1 BED APT 450€ PM TORREQUEBRADA, 2 BEDS/”BATHS: 520€ PM

MANY OTHERS AVAILABLE

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Equities : With equities rallying in the past 12 months, by as much as 60%, many are now questioning how long this can be sustained. Morgan Stanley sees European equities in a cyclical bull market, and predicts a further rally after a ‘rest’ for 3 to 6 months.

MSCI Europe - YoY Performance (%)

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On the 9th of March MSCI Europe was up 60% YoY. Only 3 days into the 1930’s were above this.

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Currencies : The Euro (against the pound) has been unable to break above the 0.92 level for almost 6 months now, and traders generally have a long term bearish (negative) view on the currency pair. Recent analysis by Deutsche Bank sees the EUR/GBP trading in a range between 0.86 and 0.9 for some months to come. * EUR GBP Goodness-of-fit* = 87% (best results above 90%) *Closest representation of the last six month of activity in the historical database. The price forecast is the actual historical outcome adjusteed for volatility.

Financial Economic & Currency News...

Economy : The recovery in Spain has been lagging behind it’s peers. Spain’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP) contracted 0.30% over the last 4 quarters. The Spanish economy grew every year from 1994 through 2008 before entering a recession that started in the third quarter of 2008

The objective of this model is to explore the possible future developments by basing a forecast on past movements in a purely mechanical way. The outcomes are therefore unrelated to the analysis otherwise contained in this document

For independent financial advice please contact us at sales@costalinkmagazine.com – 663 061 669 and we can put you in touch with one of our fully independent and regulated financial advisers.

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Sherry Trifle...

3 egg yolks 1 pint (570 ml) double cream 1 oz (25 g) caster sugar 1 level teaspoon cornflour 5 trifle sponge cakes 2 oz (50 g) flaked almonds, lightly toasted Some raspberry jam 2 fl oz (55 ml) sherry 8 oz (225 g) fresh or frozen strawberries / raspberries 2 small bananas, peeled and sliced thinly

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With the 65th anniversary of VE day on the 8th of May we thought that a good old British classic would go down well Ingredients

spread a little raspberry jam on each piece. Then put them into a large glass bowl and sprinkle the raspberries and sherry over them, giving everything a good stir to soak up the sherry. To make the custard, heat ½ pint (275 ml) of the double cream in a small saucepan. Blend the egg yolks, sugar and cornflour together thoroughly in a basin, and when the cream is hot, pour it over the egg mixture, stirring the whole time. Now return the custard to the saucepan and stir over a very low heat until thick, then remove it and allow to cool. Slice the bananas, sprinkle them in amongst the raspberries / strawberries and pour the custard over the sponge cakes. Whip up the remaining ½ pint (275 ml) of cream and spread it over the top. Decorate with the flaked almonds. Cover and chill for 3 or 4 hours before serving.

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A British Classic...

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Method Break the sponge cakes in pieces and

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be showing them up, but each man began to harbour a burning desire to beat her! In the third week, they all had their game faces on. But this week, she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable, because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing, since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out! Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, 'How do you decide if you're going to golf righthanded or left-handed?' The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, 'That's easy. When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then, when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-knowwhat was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed. All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical.' Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, 'But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?' She said, 'Then, I'm fifteen minutes late'.

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T h e L a d y G o l f e r. . .

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Lawyers in an Edson law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favourite moment of the week. Then, one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him. A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day, she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, 'You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?' The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am. He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay. She smiled and said, 'Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.' She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse, they congratulated her and, happily, invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, 'Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.' The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to

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Golf Tips And Tricks knock the ball from the tee.

Stance

So how far should your feet be apart and why?

Pro Tip

Our friend here shows your spine becomes the axle to your swing. The width of your stance is your platform which when set right helps weight transference and balance. By Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy

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Your feet must be set to the width of the widest part of your body. Now joking aside, this is your shoulders! This will offer you a solid base to your swing, allowing you to rotate around your spine as an axle, coiling and releasing your body without sway or lean.

CCorrect orrrect Stance Stance WWidth ididth

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Now if you think about it, the full golf swing involves you returning back to your set position to strike the ball. A lean or a sway in your swing will make this difficult, and almost impossible to repeat with the consistency required for playing good golf.

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The stance position is more important than most golfers ever give it credit ,a large number of players don't know the correct width of the stance or why it should be set that way in simple terms, too wide and you will lean as you swing; too narrow and you will sway as you swing .

Stance Width Drill

Set up to the golf ball and get comfortable and ready to play your shot. Then without moving your feet, stand upright and rest the club against your leg. Look down and check the width of your stance. You need it be the width of your shoulders, so hang your arms straight by your sides and point your fingers to the ground. With your stance set to the correct width your fingers should be pointing to the outside edges of the heels of your shoes. If not, adjust the width of your stance and run the drill again. It will give you a feeling for a correct stance width in your set up system.

Stance Width As You Practice For this you will need two golf balls and two tees. Place the tees in to the ground about 2.5cm from your left and right heel Position when set correct then place the balls on the tees. As you practice when you look down, too close will be clearly visible and too wide will

MARK SIBLEY

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WINTER 2010 1STFEB 2010 TO 31STMAY 2010

E-Mail: caddymaster@santamariagolfclub.com Website: www.santamariagolfclub.com

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Penelope Pitstop

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No doubt you will remember the cartoon but have you seen the real deal....

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Professor Pat Pending

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Furniture Shop deliveries. Goods Insured 2 X 3.5t vans with tail lift Also IKEA collections

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Just Say What You See Time After Time Extended Family Logic Puzzle 9-letter word - PARACHUTE Some other words of five letters or more containing the hub letter H: chart, cheap, cheat, chert, chute, earth, hater, heart, parch, patch, peach, perch, ratch, reach, retch, teach, theca, preach, chapeau, chapter, chateau, trachea.

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Crossword Solution

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Mathematical Teaser

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T he Jokes page

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"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy. "Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!" Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world? A: Enormous

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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mum just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mum sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in. "OK, follow me," he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics assistant. She showed him a bottle costing 50â&#x201A;Ź. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for 30â&#x201A;Ź. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny 15â&#x201A;Ź bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The assistant handed him a mirror.

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during May...

Virgo

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Pisces

For some years now, you've mingled with anyone and everyone. This month, you'll be able to decide, thanks to the added gift of generous Jupiter, who will help guide you along your way.

Libra

Aries

Money matters have been important lately. Past due bills you'd forgotten about have shown up. The good news is that, you'll receive some long-lost monies of your own, so paying off some of those debts won't be a problem.

All those miscommunications, lost directions, broken appliances, and electronics will finally be straightened out or fixed, and since you're so fond of your possessions, May will be quite a terrific time for you.

Taurus

Gemini

Family matters may have been weighing heavily on you over the past few weeks, but once the 11th arrives, you'll be able to straighten everything out. Just put that huge talent of yours to work - your way with words.

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Leo

Aquarius

Several planetary allies will make it easier for you to say exactly what's on your mind this month. You were born an expert at saying exactly what's on your mind and in your heart, so anyone who crosses your path with questions will receive answers.

Cancer

After weeks of misunderstandings, you'll actually be able to make plans and be able to keep them. After the 10th, make arrangements, settle disagreements, and know that promises made will be promises kept.

That pay rise, bonus, or promotion you've been aiming for will finally come. The higher-ups who've been watching you will be grateful for the time you've spent working hard and waiting for it all to come about.

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An easy month this month! You'll be in the mood to travel now. If you decide to travel long-distances or just take a few days off Capricorn well, that will be the hardest decision you'll have to make this month. Extend the invitation, and expect it to be accepted.

Scorpio

A huge astrological tug of war is going on this month, at work or play, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t neglect your relationships. Your decisions won't be easy, but only you can make them.

So you may have been doing battle over finances or inheritances. That's never a pleasant thing, but at times, it's necessary, and this may be one of those times. Some of those issues may have been secret in the past, but they won't be any longer. You're the sexiest and most magnetic of all the twelve signs, however, so if there's someone by your side you find absolutely delicious, you'll be able to lure them closer, and let them know exactly how you feel.

You'll be tugged in two different directions this month, between your emotions - and professional matters. That doesn't mean you won't be able to manage to serve Sagittarius two masters. You'll be tired after all the stress, fortunately, your sweetheart, will be there for you.

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