Costa Link Magazine May 2012

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Bar & Restaurant Guide

May No 62

Puzzles & Quizzes What’s On Guide Horoscopes Local Info Kids Page Jokes

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Kayaking from Gibraltar to Marbella 31st May 2012 See page 78

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www.costalinkmagazine.com

Covering the Costa del Sol: Including |Fuengirola|La Cala|Calahonda|Elviria

Marbella|Puerto Banus|San Pedro|Benahavis|Cancelada|Estepona|La Duquesa|Sabinillas|Sotogrande|Alhaurin|CoĂ­n

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Welcome to another fun packed issue of the Costa Link. As you have no doubt noticed, this issue is dedicated to Paddle for Heroes, a group of mostly ex-servicemen who are paddling from Gibraltar to Marbella on the last day of this month to raise money for Help for Heroes and The Families of The Fallen, please support them by visiting uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/paddle4heroes or http://www.bmycharity.com/Paddle4Heroes and making a donation.

Check out this month’s competition - a trip for two to see the wild dolphins around Gibraltar in their own natural habitat, it’s a really exciting trip and one of life’s must dos. While we are on the subject of competitions, congratulations to Phil Holman, winner of the Splitzhair.com voucher in March, did you enter the India Lucia competition last month?, we had loads of entries, the correct order of curries from mildest to hottest was; Korma, Jalfrezi, Vindaloo, and we shall announce the winner’s name next month.

It seems that it’s getting busier each day here, there are more people around and it’s getting harder to park the car –that can only mean one thing –Summer’s on it’s way!!!!!! Beware of all the friends that want to come to visit you, while you take time off work to run them everywhere, wash all their laundry and spend a fortune on their holiday! I’m off to buy some sun tan cream and new flip flops now –see you on the beach!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello....

L ta s o C e th s e ov L e n o y er Ev

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Bar & Resta ura nt

Guide 46

What’s On

Guide 60

ink!

Puzzles

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TH E JOK ES PA GE

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Kids STUFF

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email:sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2012.

costa link magazine will no longer accept advertising from the following businesses or individuals:

w Tony Bedwell - The Oak Restaurant wRestaurant El Fogon De La Aldea - Benahavis wA1SSE Electricians wChenelva S.L. - Trading as TFC Elviria & La Cala wFrenk Kerens - Bicar Import/Export SL, Midos 4

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669

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A W o m a n’ s W o r l d Tips & Advice For Any Mother.....

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him/her.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you're not raising them correctly.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a rude word.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's dummy by boiling it and to your last baby's dummy by blowing on it.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the child/children in your vicinity at the moment of said outburst.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.

Verbal: Nomal converstaion no more Mum’s, kids have the ability to whine in words even in whole sentance’s.

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hot GoSS! So WhAt'S the tRUth Behind the VoiCe SqUAd?

The Voice is the undisputed new hit of Saturday night television and from week to week the audience numbers rise even further. Despite low expectations, and controversy over the BBC lavishing £22 million on it, the show has repeatedly left ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent with egg on its face the intriguing format in which judges start with their backs turned to performers so they pass judgment based solely on how they sound. If they like what they hear, they turn round the face the singer. This month we thought we would take a sneeky look at the presenters.....

THE CRAZY CAT: One of the four judges, Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am, signed his deal while on the tarmac at an airport, such was the BBC’s desperation to sign him up. Before The Voice, Will.i.am had been best known in the UK for championing Cheryl Cole as her manager, and for his outlandish taste in clothes. However, he has been a key part of the show’s success. He is entirely unpredictable and a true eccentric. THE MINI DIVA: There are signs that rising star and fellow judge Jessie J is a little high maintenance behind the scenes. She’s clearly got a temper shrieking, ‘In your face!’ at Will.i.am during an on-screen argument, and apparently is pretty combative off screen, too. THE VOICE’S VOICE: Sir Tom Jones, the grand old man of the judging panel, seemed a bit baffled at first, but has now hit his stride by flirting with all the ladies and name-dropping as much as possible. like that!’ DANNY O’DONO-WHO? The BBC came very close to signing former Pop Idol winner Will Young as the fourth judge so close, in fact, that when Danny O’Donoghue received his contract, it had Will Young’s name on it. But they withdrew their offer to Young only 24 hours before unveiling O’Donoghue of the band The Script as the fourth judge, saying they wanted to go for someone with a more rock-and-roll edge. Next month – Who’s hot, Looking Familiar, Ties & the Lies…

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hot GoSS! WiLL BRAnGeLinA MARRY At theiR FRenCh eStAte?

After seven years and six children, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged.

The 36-year-old actress was spotted wearing the ring on her wedding finger at the Chinese Art collection at the LA County Museum last month, where she was pictured with Brad, 48, and their son Pax, eight. The couple may have already picked out the perfect location for their nuptials. The pair are believed to be building a huge reception hall behind a chapel on their £35million estate in the South of France. Aerial image of the construction site in February show a large white building being erected next to the quaint chapel, which is part of their Provence chateau. It is believed that builders are working hard to have the venue ready for September. The couple are also understood to have visited the site to check on progress in April. They were already in France to attend the Paris premiere of Angelina’s directorial debut In the Land of Blood and Honey. The pair purchased the Miraval property but are yet to move in as the sprawling estate has already undergone a series of renovations. Of course, the country is dear to the couple's hearts with Angelina giving birth to their twins in Nice in 2008.

JoLie'S $500,000 diAMond enGAGeMent RinG ALReAdY hAS A knoCk-oFF VeRSion AVAiLABLe FoR JUSt $1,200...

While some may argue that the real beauty of Angelina Jolie's engagement ring lies in the fact Brad Pitt gave it to her, the diamond sparkler has certainly proved appealing to one copycat designer. A replica version that claims to be 'reminiscent' of the actress' $500,000 table-cut engagement ring has been created by a U.S. jewellery company less than one week after the actor gave it to her. The Evelyn rock crystal and sterling silver ring, created by Gemvara, is on sale for $1,195 through the company's website. No doubt the Lookie-lookie men on the Costa del Sol will have something resembling it very soon….

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Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." his wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Wow, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

The funeral service will be held on Monday.

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1) Who replaced Holly Willoughby on this years Dancing on Ice? 2) What was the name of Inspector Clouseau’s manservant?

3) What is the birthstone for July?

4) At what time did Wee Willy Winky run through the town?

5) In which sport do competitors use a mallet?

6) Which common garden animal is a member of the locust family?

7) For whom is the Fabulous 12th not so fabulous?

8) How did Al Capone die?

9) Who was launched into space aboard Vostok 1 in 1961?

10) What is the study of plants called?

11) Which late snooker player was also known as the Hurricane?

12) What is the name of Queen Victoria’s house on the Isle of Wight?

13) Which nuts are used to make marzipan?

14) What colour is the Circle line on a London Underground map?

15) In which country was Cary Grant born?

16) Which is the most southerly mainland point in the UK? 17) In Cluedo, which weapon is first alphabetically?

18) What is the name given to the body on which a parasite feeds?

19) In which country was footballer Ryan Giggs born?

20) How many points is the letter ‘R’ worth in Scrabble?

21) Which liqueur is used in a ‘Sidecar’?

22) Which detective has a dog called Snowy?

23) In TV, what do the initials ‘OB’ stand for?

24) What is the square root of 81?

25) Which country’s national airline is called ‘Qantas’?

26) In which country is the Black Forest?

27) How many players are there in a hurling team, is it 9, 15, or 17?

28) What colour is Whitechapel on a Monopoly board?

29) Which word comes after the following to make 3 new words; Band, Hand and Grand?

30) What colour is the flag of Libya?

TRIVIA QUIZ

Answers on page 92

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Celebrity

Diva Demands

Imagine starting a new job and being told you can ask for anything you want and it will be yours in minutes…

That's the enviable life of a celebrity on tour or a film star making a movie - they ask for it, they get it. In the business, the star's list of requests or conditions is called a 'rider'. But does such power corrupt?

Here the stars' cooks, cleaners, hotel staff, behind-the-scenes personnel and backstage helpers spill the dirt on their bosses' sometimes outlandish requests… The girls Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is known for her demands - she once cleared an entire floor of the $250-a-night Hilton Hotel so she could avoid bumping into the pop group Steps. And when performing for British troops in the Middle East last year, the pop star demanded air-conditioned tents, a fridge in her makeshift dressing room in the desert - full of soya milk and fruit juice - irons, ironing boards, clothes racks and a computer with full Internet access. During a recent stay at an Italian villa, she wanted every garden light to be turned off so she could see the stars. On tour, pop princess Britney Spears demands one box of mints, one bag of Doritos and seven clean and secured dressing rooms for her entourage at each show. Jennifer Lopez, known as the ultimate diva, demands a lot more. Before public appearances her path must allegedly be prepared in advance with the scent of gardenia and her hotel sheets must be Egyptian cotton with a thread count of at least 250.

Continued on page 20....

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Celebrity

t ’ n o c Diva Demands

Jennifer Lopez con’t Recently at a Royal Variety Show in London she allegedly demanded even greater security than the Queen. Not surprisingly, she received short shrift from the police. She refuse’s to drink from plastic or Styrofoam - and always demands fresh ginger root and a jar of honey on tour. So much for Jenny from the block?! Pop diva Mariah Carey has a special attendant in her dressing room - just to hand her towels. Mariah insists a new toilet seat and gold taps are installed in her hotel suite before she checks in. She flies in her own personal bed linens and must have enough of a certain kind of mineral water so she and her dog can bathe in it each day.

Also, when on tour Mariah’s dressing room must contain one box of bendy straws, two air purifiers, puppies and kittens (oh dear Lord), an attendant to take her used chewing gum and Cristal champagne. And at publicity appearances, Mariah demands that all posters of her pop rivals be taken down - especially those of Christina Aguilera. Speaking of Ms Aguilera, she insists on a police escort because she refuses to waste her time sitting in traffic. Backstage, she must have a jar of Flinstones Vitamins. Country crooner Shania Twain, meanwhile, likes to be warned in advance if there are any dogs at her singing venues. That's because she brings her own sniffer dog in case of bomb threats. Pretty Woman Julia Roberts always insists on a constant supply of organic milk in her trailer when filming.

Continued on page 64....

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E=mc² doesn’t it?!..

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.

One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."

Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room.

The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

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A Man’s World

Ideas for blokes to make shopping more interesting...

Things to do, so your wife/girlfriend stops asking you to go shopping with her altogether...

• Take boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolley’s when they aren’t looking.

• Set all the alarm clocks in Homeware section to go off at 5-minute intervals.

• Make a trail of brown sauce leading from the door of the toilet.

• Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in the bakery section.....

And watch what happens.

• Move all the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted areas.

• When a shop assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

• Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

• Go to a knife department, and ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

• Run around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

• In the cooking department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

• Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell "PICK ME! PICK ME!" •When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

•Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile; then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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Cultural Differences Explained Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag waving, anthem, singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the box.

Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Continued on page 36...

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Training Tips Pulling Power!!

Does your dog pull on the lead?

You are not alone, here is a helpful tip: Short leads that are permanently tight to encourage pulling, as everything your dog wants to get to is just out of his reach . So where an area is appropriate use a longer lead up to 10ft in length but not an extending lead.

It is your dogs responsibility to keep the lead loose, not your responsibility to keep reminding him every few minutes. Rather than stand still when your dog starts pulling on the lead , turn away from him at a 180 degree angle. Don't stop and wait for him and do not say anything. Just keep moving and reward him when he has caught up and is trotting beside you. This will quickly teach him to keep an eye on you & stay by your side.

Peaceful journeys in the car!!

Do you travel in the car with your dogs & do they bark at everything they see? Is this winding you up? here is another tip.

If your dogs are visually stimulated to bark while travelling in the car, the best suggestion I have is to make sure they cannot see what is going on outside the car. Use a car crate and cover the cage with a sheet or similar so that their vision is obscured. If this works after several weeks start to allow a small amount of vision. At the first suggestion of a bark re-cover the crate totally. Eventualy it will be possible to remove it altogether.

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Parasite Baths now available for Fleas,ticks mites prevent, & destroy from only â‚Ź5.00

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SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution

The Xanit is now covered by Sanitas The Hospiten Estepona is now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.healthinsurance-spain.com info@healthinsurance-spain.com

A Nurse led service providing an innovative and holistic approach to healthcare that brings the values and practices of a British Health Centre to the Costa del Sol, enabling you to access a service that is familiar.

•Well Womens Clinic (Cervical Smears, breast examinations) •Full Health Assessments •Dyslexia Assessments •Complimentary Therapists •Counseling service •Hypertension management

•Community Mental Health team Mens Health Clinic (Includes PSA, Testicular examination) •Care Coordination Centre •Asthma Clinic •Diabetes Management •Vaccination Clinics

Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking.

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Medical Tips

Prostate Cancer Should I be concerned?

Modern men are becoming increasingly aware of male health issues. It is important to remember that whilst prostate cancer affects 1 in 12 men during their lifetime, 6 times more men (1 in 2) will develop simple benign (non cancerous) enlargement of their prostate during their life. Consequently most men who experience urinary symptoms will have benign prostate enlargement rather than cancer.

What can go wrong with the Prostate Gland?

The most common problems of the prostate are benign (non-cancerous) enlargement, inflammation and infection. Cancer is relatively infrequent when compared to these other conditions.

Unfortunately however the symptoms of benign prostate enlargement and cancer can be very similar. This is why medical professionals are keen to check all patients with symptoms such as a poor urinary stream, dribbling at the end of urination, the need to pass urine more frequently, an inability to wait or hold on to urine (urgency)), poor bladder emptying, and a need to get up at night to pass urine (nocturia). Many men suffer these symptoms without realizing that they can be alleviated or cured. To complicate things, not all men with an enlarged or diseased prostate will have symptoms.

Conversely, patients with an inflamed prostate or prostatic infection tend to experience some of the above symptoms, plus burning or pain at the base of the bladder during urination, and patients with these symptoms should seek medical advice.

What are the symptoms and risk factors of prostate cancer?

There are no specific diagnostic symptoms associated with prostate cancer however symptoms such as frequent visits to the toilet, getting up at night to pass urine, rushing to get to the toilet (and a period of pause before starting to urinate), having a slow flow of urine and dribbling at the end are all associated with prostate enlargement. Furthermore, a family history of prostate cancer increases an individual’s risk of developing prostate cancer so patients with a positive family history should seek medical advice. The disease is also more common in smokers.

What is a Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) test?

PSA is a protein produced by the prostate gland the level of which is measured by a blood test. It is a non specific test and its use is therefore controversial, however it is useful in directing medical professionals to look more closely at the prostate and telling them which treatments may benefit patients with benign prostate disease or prostate cancer. It can also be used to monitor treatment for prostate cancer.

A raised PSA should prompt further investigation into the prostate gland and if present, will help them detect prostate cancer at an early stage, often before any other symptoms develop.

It must be remembered however that not all men with a raised PSA level will have prostate cancer.

A raised PSA level can be due to many non cancerous causes, such as increasing age, benign prostate enlargement, urinary tract infection, perineal trauma (for example distance cycling on a regular basis), sexual intercourse and bladder investigation (cystoscopy), therefore as a test on its own, PSA is not diagnostic and a raised PSA level does not necessarily mean that you have prostate cancer.

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Are you fed up with trying rying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

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Cultural Differences Explained Americans: Will jabber on about football, baseball, & basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting wet stuff.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

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On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house, drool, and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

In The Beginning...

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?' And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?''Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch, drool, and bark at everyone.

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Banned from Iceland Yesterday I was at my local Iceland store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now have a lifetime ban from Iceland..... Didn't like shopping there anyway.

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From jumping over babies to tossing tuna fish, there are some mightily odd festivals that happen around the world.They may have become huge annual events, but we’re still wondering about the conversations that took place that resulted in them happening in the first place. Here’s are some of the best – or, rather, strangest – festivals around the world...

It’s weird

El Colacho,Castrillo de Murcia, Spain 10 June 2012

Men dressed as El Colacho - aka the Devil - jump over babies lying on mattresses in the street. Not just weird, but a little bit dangerous, surely? It dates back to 1620 and has something to do with cleansing babies of original sin and protecting them against illness and evil spirits. The babies in question are those born in the village over the past year. If that isn’t quite weird enough for you then have this: the festival’s organisers, the Brotherhood of Santísimo Sacramento de Minerva, chase people around the town throughout the day. With whips…

Monkey Buffet Festival Lopburi, Thailand 25 November 2012

Don’t worry – this doesn’t involve eating monkeys. The locals in this Thai village are so grateful for the thousands of tourists that their 200 or so primates attract each year that they thank them with a massive feast. Treats including grilled sausages, fresh fruit and vegetables and ice cream are set in front of the Pra Prang Sam Yot temple. Historically, it’s held in honour of King Rama, who rewarded his ally Hanuman (the monkey king) with the land that eventually became Lopburi. Con’t on page 62...

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Guide.....

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Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant

Call: 663 061 669

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INDIA IIND NDI ND N DIA D DI IA LU LUC LUCIA UC U CIA CI C IA IIndian nd diian C Cuisine uiisiine iin n An Andalucia And nd daalluciia

Cocktail Recipe

Peach Sangria

Give sangria a twist and make it peachy.Ideal for a summer's day!

Ingredients:

• 2 bottles dry white zinfandel • 4 tbsp Cointreau

• 250ml peach schnapps

• 4 tbsp golden caster sugar

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• 2 cinnamon sticks

• 2 sliced limes and 2 sliced oranges • 500ml soda water • Ice , to serve

Method

Put the dry white wine, Cointreau, peach schnapps, golden caster sugar, cinnamon sticks, sliced limes and oranges into a large bowl, stir and chill. To serve, add the soda water and some ice and pour into jugs.

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52

Golden Sun

Harrys Sports Bar

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu.

Special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday.

Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

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Spanish rice with prawns & chorizo Serves 2

Preparation 5 mins Cook time 25 mins

Ingredients:

1 onion, sliced 1 red pepper, cut into chunks olive oil 100g chorizo, chopped into pieces 150g paella rice pinch saffron 400ml chicken stock, hot 125g cooked prawns 1 lemon, halved small bunch parsley, chopped

Method:

1) Cook the onion and pepper in 2 tbsp olive oil in a wide, shallow pan until softened. Add the chorizo and cook for a couple of minutes until the oil is released. Stir in the rice until coated in all the oils. Stir the saffron into the stock then add to the pan and stir well. Put on a lid and cook for 15 minutes until the rice is tender and the stock absorbed.

2) Stir in the prawns until heated through completely, then squeeze over lemon and toss through the parsley.

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HA,HA,HE,HE...

YOU USED TO: An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said:"Then you used to bite my neck" Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

DORIS IS DEAD! An elderly gentleman shuffles into a newspaper office and asks if he can place a piece in the obituaries section.

“No problem sir,” says the girl behind the desk. “That’ll be a pound per word.”

Nodding slowly, the old man writes “Doris Is Dead” on a piece of paper. “Is that all you want to put?” asks the girl.

“I only have three pounds, my dear,” says the pensioner, starting to leave. The girl, feeling sorry for the old man, says she will go up and speak to the editor.

Moments later, she returns from the office, grinning broadly. “Good news,” she says. “The editor says you can have another three pounds-worth of words.”

Smiling gratefully, the old man takes another piece of paper and thinks for a moment. Shakily, he writes: “Doris Is Dead. Metro For Sale.”

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Saturday May 12th: 12pm to 5pm The Teddy Bear Express Workshop will be full steam ahead at Kidz Kingdom – See page 91 for more details.

Friday - Saturday May 18th - 19th: MEDIEVAL MARKET COMARES - The Town Hall and tourism group in Comares are holding a Medieval Market on the 18th and 19th May 2012. The Market will be in the beautiful main square. There will be a variety of craft, clothing, food stalls etc., Many participants will be in medieval costume. There will also be entertainment for all ages. The market will run from 12 noon until late on each day. All are welcome to come and enjoy the market and events in this beautiful village. For more information Linda Coughlan on 952 509 301 Sunday May 27th: Positively Pink, Karting Challenge @ Funny Beach: See page 78 for details.

Thursday May 31st: Paddle for Heroes, Gibraltar to Marbella Kayaking for charity: See page 78.

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. To enquire about places contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Tuesday & Thursday: 11am to 1pm Interactive Baby & Toddlers Morning @ Kidz Kingdom, See page 45 for more info.

Every Tuesday: Every 2nd Tuesday is Jill’s Craft Club at the Bistro, Sierra Gorda, Coin from 10.30am. Learn how to make all sorts of crafts.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery, Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Mums and Tots group in Coin will meet every Wednesday 9.30am-11.30am at Educanima Ball Park (opposite Mercadona). Play facilities for the kids and cafe for the parents. All welcome from any area and €1.50 per hour with monitors. Make friends whilst the kids play safely.

Every Thursday: The Ladies that Lunch group meets every second Thursday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. The group meets at various venues inland and it’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771 Every Thursday: Pilates Stroller workout class on the Torreguadiaro Beachfront at 11am. This is a post natal workout for Mums along with their little ones in their stroller, walking exercises and Pilates pitstops. www.pilatesparati.es Every Saturday: Costa All Stars Cheerleader classes now running Coin at Aqua Gym in La Trocha. All ages in one class from 10.30am-12pm. Call Vanessa on 677 493 280 to reserve a place and info.

Every Saturday: The Wildside Forest School for Kids held every Saturday. 10am-12pm for aged 47 years and 1-3pm for 7-10 year olds. Two hour classes for children in nature. Tree rubbings, building a camp, safety, insects etc. See www.wildsidesurvivaleurope.com for info.

Every Saturday and/or Sunday: The Interactive Museum of Music in Malaga (MIMMA) holds MUSICAL LEARNING ACTIVITIES for kids every weekend. These include theatre, workshops, story telling and more. Saturday, Sunday and holidays at 12 noon. Just €3 entry which includes the activity and guided tour of the museum.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: Traditional Sunday lunch at Santiago del Calvario, Alhaurin, Roast beef, Lamb Pork, or chicken with fish and Vegetarian options available.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

Las Casitas: Entertainment: Sunday: David Mairs - Keyboard/Guitar/ Vocals - Tuesday: Sean Muray - Irish Guitar Vocals - Wednesday: Franki B - (Heatwave) Soul Motown - Thurday: Tribute Night From UK Friday: Karaoke - Sunday Lunch: 1:00pm - 10:30pm.

Las Casitas: Tribute Shows for May 3rd May: Rod Stewart, 10th May: Engelbert Humperdink, 17th May: Elvis & Shakin’ Stevens, 24th May: Robbie Williams, 31st May: Roy Orbison.

Las Casitas is located: Playamarina, El Faro, Mijas. Tel: 952 665 910 Call for reservations: www.twinscateringsl.com, restaurantlascasitas@yahoo.com

What’s On

Guide

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co n ’

t

It’s weird

Wife Carrying World Championships Sonkajärvi, Finland 6th-7th July 2012

An annual event where Finnish men negotiate a 250m racetrack full of obstacles whilst – and this is the important bit – carrying their wives (although they don’t actually have to be married). The exact carrying style is up to the participants: piggy back, fireman’s lift, on the shoulders – anything goes, as long as they’re first over the finish line without the wife being dropped.

Obviously the heavier the wife the more of an achievement it is, and this is reflected in the prize: the winner receives their wife's weight in beer.

Contestants can relax post-race with the less strenuous Wife Carrying Karaoke contests, dancing, and traders’ markets.

Mud Festival Boryeong, South Korea 14th-22nd July 2012

More than a million visitors flock to the South Korean city of Daecheon to cover themselves in mud, jump into mud baths, slide down mud slides or even indulge in a mud wrestle. The idea? To promote the Daecheon beach area mud. It’s not just any old mud though – it’s full of minerals that apparently have lots of benefits for your skin. The idea of covering yourself in mud should be enough of a draw to get you to the festival (and that’s not sarcasm by the way), but it isn’t the only thing on offer – there’s live entertainment, contests and fireworks too.

Con’t on page 66...

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666 089 427

private buyer

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Celebrity

t ’ n o c Diva Demands

And the boys.....

Jim Carrey, who is not a pilot but owns his own Gulf Stream as an investment, has strict rules should an aeroplane ever be needed in one of his films. He insists that the film company first try to charter his Gulf Stream for transportation or background. He even has it written into his film contract. Tom Cruise once had a meal from his fav Indian restaurant in London (the Bombay Brasserie) flown in by private jet to Italy where he was on holiday with Nicole Kidman. Robbie Williams bizarrely decorates his dressing room with kumquats, a bonsai tree, a pair of undies and a framed photo of Blockbusters' Bob Holness. Marilyn Manson demands a box filled with kitty litter in his dressing room. Why? Just in case the bathrooms are out of order… David Hasselhoff insists on a life sized cut of himself backstage. Eminem - Backstage Eminem must have a masseuse, a Play Station, basket ball hoop, ping pong table, and lots of fast food from different restaurants. Rod Stewart – Has a special “darkening team” on staff to make sure no light comes into his room when he takes his afternoon nap. Justin Timberlake requires someone go around every two hours to disinfect doorknobs. Sean “Diddy”Combs – Before he would allow a London club to host a party for him, he insisted they foot the bill for six cars, including a Rolls Royce, a limo and a Mercedes. After the club agreed, Diddy made more demands and the club canceled the event. Usher - At a GQ awards show Usher had to have the red carpet cleared so he would be the only one being photographed and interviewed. The other celebrities in attendance were not amused.

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it’s weird....

La Tomatina BuĂąol, Valencia 29 August 2012

Held on the last Wednesday of August each year, this is basically a massive food fight between tens of thousands of participants using over-ripe tomatoes, and it’s such a big deal that the party last about a week. Other ingredients of the tomato-fest are music, parades, dancing, and fireworks and on the night before the food fight itself, participants of the festival compete in a paella cooking contest. No one really knows for sure why they do it, although one theory suggests it stems from anti-Franco protests in 1945. Not that anyone cares – it’s just a good excuse to throw tomatoes at strangers.

Noche de RĂĄbanos: Night of the Radishes Oaxaca, Mexico 23 December 2012 This odd, vegetable-themed festival has been around since 1897, but the inspiration behind it

dates back to the 16th century, when vegetable sellers would turn radishes into sculptures to advertise in the markets. Sculptures of varying themes – religious, historical, humorous, cultural, traditional - are displayed on the many stands set up in the city’s main plaza, and judges choose which of these deserve to win cash prizes.

Tunarama Port Lincoln, Australia January 2013 The event is held over the Australia Day long weekend on the picturesque foreshore lawns of Port Lincoln, and what better way to showcase the region’s seafood, wine, art, music, people and surroundings than by seeing how far you can sling a tuna fish? It was launched 1962 with the intention of promoting the emerging tuna fishing industry in Port Lincoln, and it worked – the area now boasts Australia's largest tuna cannery. Aside from the Tuna Toss, entertainment is provided in the form of stalls, sideshows and rides, events, activities and competitions. The record for the longest toss is held by ex-Olympic hammer thrower Sean Carlin, for his 37.23m effort in 1998.

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Injury or joInt Health & replacement Well Being rehabIlItatIon after injury or joint replacement, we will usually undergo physiotherapy to improve mobility of the body. however, the capability of physiotherapy is somewhat limited, as it only deals with movement, and does not work with the quality of the body’s soft tissues. most people do not understand that soft tissue injury e.g. muscular strain, can take up to 6 weeks to repair, and joint replacement, longer. When we sustain injury, over a short period we will begin to change our posture to accommodate the problem, which quickly becomes a long term change, even though the injury heals. by changing our posture, we start to put strain on other areas of the body which can lead to pain in non associated areas. For example, an ankle injury can lead to a lower back problem. joint replacement involves massive invasive surgery. as well as the postural changes, the soft tissues around the replacement i.e muscles and tendons, go into acute tension (this is a form of body self protection), affecting the pain and mobility of that area. three months after this type of surgery, you should be looking at massage to release this soft tissue compaction.

Soft tissue release through massage, and working with postural changes helps the person to return to normal mobility and movement. most muscular strain, e.g you strain you lower back when bending over, is indicative of already existing muscular tissue tension in the area prior to the injury. massage is not only curative but is also preventative. a regular massage treatment, every 6-10 weeks will keep your body relaxed and prevent most muscular injuries from occurring.

Stop preSS...

mike Izon of miraflores Sports massage and beauty centre has now closed the premises at miraflores Golf club, due to soaring costs. he will, however, continue the therapy work, so you can still book for a home visit on his mobile number: 606 867 821

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ocal Info ---

Emergency Numbers

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

70

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda.

Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st May - Fiesta del Trabajo Labour Day 7th May - May Day (Early May Bank Holiday) May 13th - Mother’s Day (Spain)

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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Takingtheladle...

In France, the young assistant priests do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the priest and his housekeeper. One day the priest invited his new young assistant priest to have dinner at the rectory.

While being served, the young priest noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the priest and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the middle-aged priest assured the young priest that everything was purely professional, that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, “Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?” The priest said, “Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter.” So he sat down and wrote, “Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner.” The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: “Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know that if you slept in your own bed you would have found the gravy ladle.”

Specialising in natural health products & alternative therapies.

630 215 435 Organic Food <(An^kmZ Gn^oZ Gì/ >lm^ihgZ +2/1) (Nr Carrefour Express)

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Natural Cosmetics Bach Flowers Health Supplements Teas and Infusions and much more...

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Strange but true...

Have you ever wondered the origin of a saying?

BEAT AROUND THE BUSH: Game birds were scared out of their hiding places under bushes and then killed.

CHEW THE FAT: A host would offer his guests a piece of bacon, which was stored above the fireplace in the parlor, so they could chew the fat during their visit.

GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK: Candles were expensive to make, so often reeds were dipped in tallow and burned instead. When visitors came, it was the custom for guests to make their exit by the time the lights went out. Therefore, if your host didn't want you to stay very long, he would give you a "short stick."

FROG IN YOUR THROAT: Medieval physicians believed that the secretions of a frog could cure a cough if they were coated on the throat of the patient. The frog was placed in the mouth of the sufferer and remained there until the physician decided that the treatment was complete.

UPPER CRUST: Visitors to the Anne Hathaway's cottage (near Stratford upon Avon) are given this explanation while looking at the bread oven beside the fireplace in the kitchen: "The bread was put, as a raw lump of dough, straight into the bread oven. No bread tin, it just sits on the floor of the oven. The oven is heated by the fire and is very hot at the bottom. When the bed is done baking and taken out to cool, the base of the loaf is overcooked black and also dirty. The top of the loaf is done just right, and still clean. The bottom of the loaf is for the servants to eat, while the upper crust is for the master of the house.

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during May..... ­

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 76

Capricorn you have an excellent month ahead, beginning with a friendly aspect from the May 6th Full Moon. This brings two weeks of inner calm and balance, which will be reflected, through more harmonious relationships. The other effect is on your life in general, with greater ease in getting ahead, less resistance and even more help from friends and colleagues at work. The Full Moon will let you take time to relax with friends and family and enjoy a supportive home environment. Once the Full Moon cycle comes to a close, you get a real energy boost from Mars in your sign between May 19th and June 13th. This gives you extra energy letting you achieve success in any area of life. Your enthusiastic nature is not at all threatening to others, in fact is rather attractive. Between May 20th and 24th you’ll be hot to trot…. If you have your eye on someone special now is the time to make your move!

Aquarius you’ll have three Mercury transits this month. The first began on April 25th and will last to May the 3rd. Mercury opens up your mind to new possibilities. It’s been making you more interested in interacting with others via discussion face to face or through the Internet. Like all Mercury transits, it increases the tempo of your life. The May 6th Full Moon may add some friction to relationships and could find you having some difficulties in the home environment. Better to avoid arguments now, and delay important decisions for a few days. For this same reason, try to postpone negotiations and seek independent trusted advice if you need to sign something important. The month ends with the much more positive Mercury in your sign between May 29th and June 2nd. Clear thinking means you should be looking to make plans and enter into negotiations.

Pisces the May 6th Full Moon will bring inner feelings of balance and closer bonding with family and friends. Apparently this Full Moon is a bit sexy, so love relationships could really blossom in the next two weeks. All your relationships benefit from Mercury in your sign from May 15th to 19th this allows for more open and expressive communication, ideal for courting or proposing. The Full Moon does put a positive focus on your home life, and clear thinking from Mercury will make it a good time to plan home renovations, or sign leases, even relocate. Things get a little bumpy due to Mars opposition from May 19th to June 13th. You have a stronger urge to make progress and succeed, your more aggressive attitude may bring defensive or oppositional reactions from others. This could lead to anger or resentment, which you will need to be conscious of, don’t loose your temper with loved ones.

Aries, you’ll have a relatively boring start to May 2012, but don’t fear you get a super duper boost from the May 20th Solar Eclipse. You should feel your self-confidence skyrocket, which will last for months ahead. Relationships, with people in positions of power or authority, will seem closer and prove to be helpful to reaching your goals. You should set some specific goals for this eclipse cycle because there is a real good chance of achieving them given your positive frame of mind. So don’t be shy, reach for the stars and be proud of yourself and your achievements. There is nothing wrong with a healthy ego when it is deserved. From May 24th to May 29th, Mercury in your sign will create the perfect environment to think clearly and strive to achieve your hearts desires. This is also a great time for making breakthroughs in any negotiations and signing contracts.

Taurus you still have Mars in your sign until the 19th so May is a going to be a good month for you, Mars is direct, allowing you to fully enjoy the benefits of the increased vitality and enthusiasm. Now it is time to tie up all those lose ends, things you have been working on for the last couple of months, projects you started, relationships you have been chasing, goals you have been putting all that extra energy in to. Mercury will be passing through your sign giving you an excellent window of opportunity not to be missed, with the optimal day being May 13th. This gives you clear and logical thinking, and increases tempo giving you the drive to succeed. You can passionately convince others of the merits of your ideas, plans and needs. This is the time to cash in on whatever goal it is that you have been working towards, frompromotions, starting a business, or asking that dream lover out on a date.

Gemini you’ll be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel this May after a drawn out and very challenging Mars transit. What a relief! Say goodbye to the weeks of frustration, anger and irritation. Things change so very quickly for you now thanks to the solar eclipse on May 20th. You’ll certainly be on top form feeling a boost of energy, increased vigor and greater self-confidence. A solar eclipse near your birthday is a good omen, you don’t get this very often and it gives you a great opportunity for a new start in life. It is time to set new goals for the year ahead, in fact for many years ahead. The effect on your finances this month is also positive. The optimum time for negotiating, buying and selling, asking for favors, and for the signing of contracts, is between May 3rd to 9th.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, the final weeks of the extended Mars transit will be giving you increased energy and enthusiasm and the confidence to pursue your goals. Mars continues hovering in your sign up until 19th May. You won’t get another good Mars transit like this until August so push hard to get the things you want, from promotions at work, to the more personal and passionate desires with romantic interests. Mercury also makes an appearance from May 9th to 14th. This is most fortunate coming at the end of the Mars transit. It means that you can convince others of the merits of those things you have been passionately working on. If there is someone you have your eye on, then take advantage of this transit to break the ice; you will come across very sincere and attractive. This is especially so on May 13th with Mercury & Mars in your sign, sexy words, sharp mind, keen intuition & judgment. Good bargaining, & signing contracts.

Leo you may feel some tension entering your private life, at home and with family and close friends due to the Fully Moon on May the 6th. For the following two weeks you will be more sensitive and emotional, so remember this when faced with relationship dramas, it’s just a phase you’re going through to test your patience. Any underlying problems in your relationships will surface now, so it is an opportunity to get to the bottom of them so they can be resolved. Between May 15th and the 19th matters will come to a head, this may result in some disagreements or arguments. It is not the time to make final decisions because your thinking now is too scattered or pessimistic, not necessarily reflecting the facts. For these reasons, it is also not a good idea to make important decisions, negotiate deals or sign contracts.

Virgo you’ll be enjoying the relaxing influence of the May 6 Full Moon up until May 20th. An inner feeling of calm and balance will allow you to move ahead with a lot less resistance than usual. The main influence will be in your home life and your close personal relationships, family, friends and lovers. You will enjoy a more supportive and nurturing home environment, and may spend more time chilling out with family or having friends over. It is a good opportunity for closer bonding with your loved ones.

With this Mercury transit coming during the Full Moon phase, it’s also the perfect time to reorganise things around the home. Any plans for redecorating, renovating or even making a move should turn out very well. Seeking professional advice, negotiations, and property deals like signing leases are also favored in May. Libra, Mercury’s opposition, which began on April 25th, means you are still going to have a busy time of it with errands, meetings, and much more interaction this will last until May the 3rd. The flurry of mental activity will add stress, and the muddling effect on your thinking means that you should not make important decisions or sign contracts. If you have to, then seek out independent and trusted advice. If people are annoying you, then try to back away and avoid conflict because it would most likely end in arguments that get you nowhere. Mercury in your sign from May 29th to June 2nd turns things right around. Now you thoughts are clear and your mind is sharp. It will be a busy few days again, but without the stress of earlier in the month. There will be more harmony in your interactions, you will want to socialise and meet friends. Ask for favors, buy and sell, sign things, make deals and negotiate.

Scorpio, the May 6th Full Moon hits bang in the middle of your sign. This will put a strong focus on your relationships and your home life. It is the polarities in these areas, which are emphasised by the Full Moon, responsibilities at work versus the demands of family. You could also find yourself getting a bit more emotional in the two weeks following this Full Moon, especially from May 15th to 19th with Mercury opposite your sign. You might get a flurry of incoming mail, or errands to run, meetings, or bills to pay. It is important these few days to try and relax because Mercury can unsettle you both mentally and emotionally. Rushed thinking and a tendency to miss important details means that you should try and delay any negotiations or signing of contracts. Mars in your sign from May 19th to June 13th will start giving a real boost to your self-confidence.

Sagittarius you may feel a lot of anger and have a huge adrenalin rise due to Mars being in your sign between May 19th and June 13th. You will want to be more assertive, but may in the process get negative reactions others might get defensive, think you are coming on too strong or being aggressive. Ease off a bit in asserting yourself; try to get your stronger desires fulfilled. This would be especially so in close relationships, where the other person may not have such heightened primal urges as you do at this time.

Mercury is opposite your sign from May 29th to June 2nd. This may bring challenging aspects anger, frustration or resentment have been simmering in your relationships, this is more likely to come to the surface now. The onus will be on you to put yourself in their shoes. Be the bigger person this month Sagittarius.

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PADDLE FOR HEROES NEWS...

Please help support our fundraising event Kayaking from Gibraltar to Marbella 31st May 2012 Follow us & like or donate on our Facebook page: Paddle 4 Heroes - Contact via email: paddle4heroes@hotmail.com You can make a secure online donation to either of the two links below to help raise our target amount of £10,000. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/paddle4heroes http://www.bmycharity.com/Paddle4Heroes

Positively Pink Karting Challenge:

The event will be held at Funny Beach, Marbella on Sunday 27th May. The first race will be at 1pm the teams will consist of 3 people (over the age of 18). It is 150€ to enter. You can register for this by emailing info@positively-pink.com stating karting.

Positively Pink is unique as a charity. Its sole purpose is to raise the necessary funds to provide a FREE breast screening programme to British Women who live on the Costa del Sol. The screening programme is a comprehensive screening process (Gold Standard) that includes a consultation, physical examination and health education as well as a mammogram or ultrasound or in some cases both. http://positively-pink.com/ 78

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TIPS&TRICKS

TIP TIPS&TRICKS T IP PS S& S &T TR RIIIC R CK KS S What Are You Trying To Do???

Have you ever asked yourself what exactly you are trying to do when you stand over the golf ball?

The two most popular replies are:-

1. Hit the ball

2. Hit the target

If you think about what you are saying, these are not the actually right answers. If you set up in the correct position, then as you swing return the club back to where it started, it will hit the ball, play it straight and then hit the target, so what you are really trying to do is return the club back to where it started as you strike the ball.

This makes the whole golf swing sound very easy, but if you look at other golfers there is always one in your club with the strangest swing, yet the ability to play a consistent straight ball. He can do this because he returns the club back to the position he addressed the ball in, playing the shot as he wanted to play it.

You cannot stop the club at point of contact to check if it is returning back to your set position, but aiming to do it each time to play a shot will improve your consistency.

It is the right thing to do when you play a shot.

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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 92

Crossword Across: 6 Ice containing milk (7) 7 Relating to the lower body (5) 9 Achy (4) 10 From time to time (10) 11 Powerfully (8) 13 Recorded (6) 15 Anglo-Saxon slave (4) 17 Laughs (5) 18 Person, place or thing (4) 19 Restricted caloric intake (6) 20 Saw (8) 23 Minor in significance (10) 26 Travel through water (4) 27 Relative magnitudes (5) 28 Arouses (7) Down: 1 Showing kindness (10) 2 Rectangular (6) 3 Relating to the ear (4) 4 Rockets (8) 5 Grain storage building (4) 6 Fire a weapon (5) 8 French country house (7) 12 An online directory (5) 14 Being willing to give your time or money (10) 16 One who twists fibers into threads (7) 17 Porcupine (8) 21 Comfort (6) 22 Leaves (5) 24 A very small amount (4) 25 T T T T (4)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

足TMessrs rade足Convention Butcher, Baker, Carpenter and Plumber are

currently attending another convention. No-one is currently, nor ever has been in the same profession as their name and no-one has had the same profession twice. Alan is now a butcher, whereas Mr Brian Butcher used to be a baker. The person who is now a carpenter used to be a butcher. Charlie has never been a baker, Mr Darren Carpenter has never been a butcher and Mr Baker is not now a carpenter. What are their full names, along with their current and previous professions?

Say What You See...

apple 3.14159 82

CI2I

May 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/12 5:20 PM Page 83

AMASS AM AMA ASS ASS We find ourselves being on the sharp end of some of Chancellor George Osborne’s decisions in his budget, as areas such as Qualifying Recognised Overseas Pension Schemes (QROPS) came under the microscope and in particular New Zealand.

It has made changes to the regime which will take effect from April 6th, and those sschemes chemes aalready lreeady tra lr tr ansferred are are hit hit by by new regulations. regulations. transferred Essen tially, HRMC w ants ttoo b sure th ension iiss tra tr ansferred ttoo a QR Essentially, wants bee sure that at when when a p pension transferred QROPS, OPS, way which pension was intended used bee ab abided byy - w which the w ay in w hich the p ension w as in be use tended ttoo be d will still b ided b hich means means it it provides provides yo you with April ril 6th, 6th, any any scheme scheme u wi th ““an an income income for for life” life”. So So ffrom rom Ap allowing allowing this this will no longer longer b bee cconsidered onsidered a QROPS, QROPS, and subject and your your fund fund could could be be subj ect ttoo addi additional tional ttax ax charges. charges.

You can longer sum.. cent tax-free tax-free lump sum Y ou ca n no lon ger ttake ake out out your your pension pension as a 100 100 per per cent Instead, ake 330% 0% ttax ax free free from from age age 55 Instead, you you will be be able ttoo ttake 55 an an improvement improvement on the you can UK K - but you you will need need to to use 70% 70% of 225% 5% yo u ca n ttake ake in the U of the fund fund to to provide provide aan n “income life” “inc ome for for lif e”.

Where have Where funds funds h ave aalready lready been been transferred transf tra nsferr erred to to a QROPS QROPS and and have have not yet completed completed your years non-UK you bee able to your 5 ye ars as a non-U K rresident, esident , yo u will not b to access access 100% 100% as a ttax ax ffree ree when years lump sum w hen the 5 ye ars is is completed. completed.

Wee ca can you QROPS byy W n ooffer ffer yo u a ffree ree financial financial review review of of your your existing existing UK UK pensions pensions or QR OPS b fully Financial Advisers. fully Qualified Qualified Fin ancial A dvisers.

Don’t Don’t put ooff ff mo moving ving your your p pension ension as ffurther urther ch changes anges aare re aafoot! foot!

Contact us on 9 Contact 952 52 492 492 1159 59 or em email ail admin@a admin@amass-spain.com mass-spain.com AMA AMASS SS iiss author authorised ised aand nd rregulated egulated by by the CySEC CySEC (lic (licence ence no no.. 1167/12) 67/12)

May 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/12 5:20 PM Page 84

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

Spain places an economic boost on red or black.

Sheldon Adelson, one of America's major casino tycoon's, is expected to soon choose between Madrid and Barcelona for a 16 Billion-Euro investment. The investment is in a new gambling resort dubbed 'Euro Vegas', which is designed to compete with its American counterpart in Nevada.

The euro-zone turmoil doesn't faze Mr Adelson, who believes once the four to five year project is complete; Spain's economic troubles will be solved. He believes 'Euro Vegas' is capable of attracting the one billion people who live in the 50 countries within a five-hour flight from Spain. Spain being his first choice due to the weather, and unemployment rate (now at 23%, "which assures support of the government").

The figures are impressive: €6 billion in a first phase to build four hotel strips, which would eventually reach twelve. As well as casinos, shops, restaurants, golf courses and convention centres. Mr Adelson's Las Vegas Sands (LVS) says the project could create 260,000 indirect and direct jobs, enough for nearly half the unemployed in Madrid. Spain is already the fourth-largest holiday destination in the world, but LVS reckons Euro Vegas would attract 11m new tourists on top of the 57m a year Spain already gets, increasing tourism spending by €15.5 billion over the next ten to 15 years.

Madrid and Barcelona, used to competing on the football pitch, have won a promise of neutrality from the central government. Barcelona admits that Madrid has the edge so far, since it has been talking to Mr Adelson on and off since 2007. But Barcelona has not given up. Mr Adelson recently visited a beachfront site near the city’s El Prat airport, which like Madrid’s Barajas has plenty of spare capacity.

National and local leaders are keen on the project but opponents are sceptical of LVS’s claims about job creation, and worry that the casino will become a “fiscal and legal paradise” of tax breaks and exemptions from labour laws, a charge which regional officials deny. Whichever city won would also have to cover the cost of transport links to the resort.

In the past, Spain has had its share of unrealised property developments. A 2007 €17 billion casino complex in the desert of Aragon, was never built. However, LVS has withstood the global downturn well, and the success of its Macao and Singapore operations gives it plenty of financial credibility. LVS claims that its Marina Bay Sands development has “moved the needle” in Singapore, with record tourism figures one year after its opening. Euro Vegas would be much larger.

Written by our financial expert James Alexander.

If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us: sales@costalinkmagazine.com or on 663 061 669.

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With the situation in Europe seeming to be quieter at the moment, all is not what it seems. The woes of Greece continue, they may have received some bailout money, however this is no where near enough to help them. Some Government officials are still taking a â&#x201A;Ź15k salary ever month, whilst others barley have enough money for food.

Portugal is no better, we will see what unravels there over the next coming months. Spainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last bond auction was not a success with interest rates on the 3-10 year bonds over 6%, If this continues to rise then borrowing becomes more expensive. Spain has had to re-jiggle its plans on how to reduce its deficit, It has asked its citizens, that if they have any B money or cash in the attic, or under the mattress, to now place this in Spanish banks. The government will place an amnesty on these funds and they will not be subject to normal income tax.

EUROPE & THE EURO

Sterling has been looking a little better. The UK seems to have escaped a double dip, however the credit ratings agencies have been at it again, 1 saying the UK is fine, the other two saying that it would look to downgrade.

To avoid currency fluctuations and to be able to trade at the right time maximising your money, speak to our currency partner Moneycorp, where the team, of experts will give you guidance on the currency markets.

Please call Moneycorp on 0034 951 319 700 costalink@moneycorp.com Please mention costalink magazine when contacting moneycorp.

May 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/22/12 7:05 PM Page 86

1960’ s Britain is alive and well in Japan!

It seems that the Japanese Mitsuoka Coach building company seem to have a thing for 1960’s British cars.

The Himiko is based on the Mazda MX-5 , Mitsuoka replaces most of the body panels, fits wood panelling, leather seats and extends the wheelbase and is reminiscent of English roadsters such as the Jaguar XK120.

The Viewt, introduced in January 1993. Based on the Nissan Micra, the hatchback was replaced by a fixed rear window and rounded boot, and the front grille and headlamp assembly was replaced by one closely resembling that of the Jaguar Mark II. In standard form the interior was much the same as the March's, but leather seats and wood trim could be added at extra cost.

The Ray is also based on the Nissan Micra, and seems to bear more than a slight resemblance to the Wolsley 1100/1300 series of the 1960’s The Galue was originally based on the Nissan Crew then the Nissan Cedric and Gloria and more recently the Fuga , The styling of the front and rear was changed to give a more classical appearance; specifically, the chrome grille resembled that found on Bentley models such as the S1 or S2. The interior was fitted with leather seats and wood trim. Additions such as chrome on the door handles and wire wheels were also available.

Mitsuoka also offer a Galue convertible Despite the shared name, based on the Ford Mustang, including the car's 4.0-litre V6 and 4.6-litre V8 engines. Looks a bit like a Bentley Azure to us!

And if retro isn’t your thing, Mitsuoka also make the Orochi, a bespoke sports car using parts from both Lexus and Honda, built to rival Ferrari and Porsche – Looks like it should be in a Disney cartoon though!!

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

Don’t laugh!” Said the patient. “Of course I won’t laugh.” The doctor said.

“I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay then.” The patient said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘whooha’ the doctor had ever seen. It couldn’t have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. “I’m so sorry,” said the doctor, “I really am. I don’t know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentlemen, I promise it won’t happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?” The patient replied.

“It’s swollen...”

A man walks into a newsagent's and asks "do you have any helicopter flavour crisps?" the newsagent says "no, we only sell plain."

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your ******* cat."

88

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “It's Dave, the dwarf.”

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replies, “Just a minute...”

“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.

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COSTALETS

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KIDS STUFF

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 16 & 82 Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See Apple pie See eye to eye

Brain Teaser Alan Baker Brian Butcher Charlie Plumber Darren Carpenter

Current Butcher Plumber Carpenter Baker

Previous Carpenter Baker Butcher Plumber

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Christine Bleakley 2) Cato 3) Ruby 4) Past 8 o’clock 5) Croquet 6) Grasshopper 7) Grouse 8) Syphilis 9) Yuri Gagarin 10) Botany 11) Alex Higgins 12) Osbourne House 13) Almonds 14) Yellow 15) England 16) Lizard Point 17) Candlestick 18) Host 19) Wales 20) 1 21) Cointreau 22) Tin Tin 23) Wren 24) 9 25) Australia 26) Germany 27) 15 28) Brown 29) Stand 30) Green

teleweb internet & telephone just got better! tion for someone who lives here full time.

Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with?

Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

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Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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