Costa Link Magazine November 2009 by Costalink Magazine

Costa lInk magazine

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COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - INCLUDING FUENGIROLA, LA CALA, CALAHONDA, ELVIRIA, MARBELLA, PUERTO BANUS, SAN PEDRO, ESTEPONA, LA DUQUESA, SOTOGRANDE, ALHAURIN AND COÍN.

NOVEMBER 2009 NO.32

WWW.COSTALINKMAGAZINE.COM

Jokes Puzzles

Local Info

Kids Page

What’s On Guide

Bar & Restaurant Guide

Glass Curtains S.L.

R F 902 433 435

Business Directory

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Selection of new pit bikes and quads from 350€

600 868 056

Email: alhaurinautos@live.co.uk Poligono Industrial La Rosa, Alhaurin el Grande

DICHAO BUGGY 2007, RHD UK, 600 Miles from New, 2 Seats. Road Legal .................. 2,995 €

SMART CAR PASSION 2000. Convertible, LHD UK, Fully Loaded, A/C, CD, E/W. ............. 3,995 €

SEAT MARBELLA LHD, Spanish, 5 Speed,

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NISSAN PRIMEARA 2003, LHD, Spanish, 2.2 DTI, 6 Speed, Fully Loaded, A/C, C/D, Rear Parking Camera... 5,995 €

PEUGEOT BOXER 2006, LHD Spanish, 2.8 TDI, 8 Seater Mini Bus, A/C, Twin Side Doors, C/D, PAS, ABS, C/L, E/W, .... 8,995 €

Ford Transit TD 2007, LHD, Spanish Plates, 130-T260 High BHP, Fully Loaded, A/C, E/W, C/L, C/D, Side Door, Full Roof Rack .... 9,995 €

Manual, 2 Door Coupe, Must Be Seen, Bargain .... 1,495 €

With over 15 years experience in the UK, we at Alhaurin Autos know how to look after our customers. We will take part exchanges of either English or Spanish vehicles. We give you cash back if you wish to trade down to a smaller car. We have a fully qualified gestor and will take care of all the legalities for you. FORD CMAX Red, Black, Silver,2005- Can’t get to see us? No problem, we’ll bring the car to you. 2006, Petrol/Diesel, LHD Servicing and repairs at competative prices SP ...............from 7,995 € 3, 6 and 12 month warranties available. Grua recovery and removal service available. FULLY LICENCED.

NISSAN TERRANO 2002, LHD SP, Auto, 2.7 TDI, Fully Loaded, 4 Wheel Drive ..... 6,995 €

FORD WINSTAR LHD UK, 7 Seats, A/C, Auto, Fully Loaded .... 4,995 €

BMW M3 CONVERTIBLE 5 Spead, Manual, LHD UK, Leather, A/C...4,995 €

FORD FIESTA 2000, 2 Door, Clean First Time Car, RHD UK. 995 €

SHOGUN 2.8 TDI, LWB, 7 Seats, A/C, E/W, C/L, RHD UK. .... 1,795 €

Recovery Breakdown & Transport Service Accident & Damaged Cars Removed. With Certificate of Destruction.

CHRYSLER VOYAGER 1999, LHD SP, 2.5 TDI, A/C, CD, E/W, BARGAIN............ 3,750 €

HERCEDES C32 AMG 2002, Estate, LHD, Alloys, Spanish Plate, Auto, Sat Nav, A/C .......... 13,995 €

HONDA STREAM 2003, LHD, Spanish, CD, C/L, A/C, Manual, 7 Seats .... 5,995 €

SANTA FE RHD Spanish Plates, Diesel, Auto, C/L, A/C, CD, VAUXHALL ZAFIRA E/W ..................... 5,995 € 2003, 2.0 TDI, Auto, 7 Seats, A/C, E/W, C/L, CD .... 3,995 €

VAUXHALL VECTRA 2004, Saloon, 5 Speed, Manual, A/C, Alloy Wheels, CD, UK Plate .... 4,995 €

Cars bought and sold, cash waiting, immediate decision. Free collection service, best prices paid, Call now! Sunday viewings by appointment.

951 191 401or 695 153 502

FORD FOCUS Red, Black, Silver,20052006, Petrol/Diesel, LHD SP. ..............from 7,995 €

VW GOLF 2005, Diesel, LHD SP, 5 Door Hatch, Manual Airbags, ABS, CD 9,995 €

www.alhaurin-autos.com

We have more stock available, please see our website for a wide selection of LHD, RHD, Commercial, 4x4 and Cabriolets.

C ALHAURIN os AUTOS ta Li nk M

sales@costalinkmagazine.com

Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com

Skype: costalink.magazine Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 15th of each month. No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent.

Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors.

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Email:

Welcome to the November’s issue of Costa Link Magazine. I would like to start with a special thank you to all at Clinical Medicare based in La Cala, who stitched Jason’s eye up from his fall. (he was not drunk Promise!) Thanks to David and his team for the first class service and the care you gave to him. Can’t believe it’s Christmas next month can’t wait, only 54 days left so get them credit cards out and shop till you drop. For all your Christmas and New Year promotions, think Costa Link Magazine the best little mag on the Costa, call Jason on 663 061 669. The cut off for December’s issue for all advertising copy, and amendments will be the 15th November so get in early, as it will be a busy month. We are pleased to announce that from January will be having a new section for our readers and advertisers to send in their pictures from all those parties, Birthday, Christmas, and New Year’s, and we will publish the best and most incriminating ones for all to see, please email them to admin@costalinkmagazine.com, with your name and a short message, look forward to seeing them and thank you. Anyway, have a great November enjoy reading your Costa Link Mag, and we will see you next month with our Christmas issue. Keep smiling!

Tel: 663 061 669

vember Issue Inside The No

What’s On Guide

ta Gu ide

Bar & Re staurant

Jo ke s Pa ge

Pu z zle s

40 & 46

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A W o m a n’ s W o r l d

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skirts. Two years ago I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was doing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary, my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next? When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. I feel its my duty to warn the Women of the world! Those ‘plastic’ surgeons are using Real replacement body parts, stolen from you and me! P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

You’ve heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else’s thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whos thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My bottom was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bottom was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I’d have to give up my jeans in favor of long

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Hot Goss !

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Dannii Minogue Distatser - It’s been revealed that the media regulator Ofcom have received a massive 4000 complaints about Dannii Minogue’s comments to Danyl on The X Factor. Dannii’s quip that "there was no need to switch the gender reference in that song" when Danyl sang the Jennifer Hudson song I’m Telling You infuriated viewers, and she later apologised for what she says was meant as a joke. It’s been widely reported that Danyl is bisexual, and the aspiring singer himself is said to be totally fine about Dannii’s comments.

Leona Lewis attacked - Leona has spoken for the first time about the attack, during which she was punched by a crazed man during a signing for her new book Dreams. The 24 year-old said in a statement: 'Thank you so much for your support, it is truly overwhelming. Yesterday was a horrible shock and left me extremely hurt and upset. I'm very sorry to those I wasn't able to meet at the signing. Thank you again for all of the lovely messages. Love you all.” The singer has cancelled a promotional trip to Germany following the terrifying incident.

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Jamie Archer - X Factor star Jamie Afro has revealed that he almost died from a throat infection. The aspiring rocker was rushed to intensive care in 2006 when his throat became so swollen due to a throat bug he was unable to breath. A friend said, “He got to the hospital just in time for doctors to insert an air tube. Minutes later and his throat would have completely closed over. If that had happened it would have killed him. Or doctors would have had to cut a hole in his throat for a tracheotomy and that would have ruined his singing voice.” Eek.

Peter Andre Threatened - Jordan’s cage fighting boyfriend has dramatically threatened Peter Andre. Pete tried to call Jordan to arrange a time for him to collect their children, at which point she handed it to Alex who answered and told the singer: "I'll come round and sort you out” and added, "I'm the man of the house now." Pete responded by calling him pathetic and ranted: "Look mate, there's lots of people who want to break your legs.” Who do you think would win in a fight between the pair? As much as we love Pete, we know who our money’s on, even thou hes a n@b

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Luck of The Irish

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“and what’s that green dot there?”. And God said “ahhh that’s the Emerald Isle; that’s a very special place. That’s going to be the most glorious spot on earth, Beautiful Mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast line. These people here are going to be great craic and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be playwrights and poets and singers and songwriters. And I’m going to give them this black liquid which they’re going to go mad on and for which people will come from the far corners of the earth to imbibe. Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: "Hold on a second, what about the balance, you said there was going to be a balance. God replied wisely. “Wait until you see the neighbours I’m going to give them”

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, “where were you?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; “look son, look what I’ve made”. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” God replied, “it’s another planet but I’m after putting Life on it. I’ve named it Earth and there’s going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there’s North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and south America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them; that’s going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I’ve put a continent called Europe in the north and another one I am calling Africa in the south. And then the archangel said,

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Yes Mu Lud “Were you aquainted with the deceased?” “Yes, sir”. “Before or after he died?” “What happened then?” “He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.” “Did he kill you?” “No.” “Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?” “No. This is how I dress when I go to work.”

“When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?”

“What is your relationship with the plaintiff?” “She is my daughter.” “Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?” “ and what did he do then? He came home, and next morning he was dead. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”

“Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?” All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”

“No.” “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?” “Picking them up in the air.” “Where was the dog at this time?”. “Attached to the ears.”

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Actual Court Room Transcripts of Trials.

“Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”

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compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.” “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.” “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.” On a flight with no assigned seating, you just sit where you want, passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

Here are some real examples of funny airline cabin crew announcements: On a Continental Flight with a very ‘senior’ flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane”. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!” After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead

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Archie Who?

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about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.” Passenger. “Wow, some bloke then?” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.” Passenger: “Mmm, there’s not many like him around.” Cabbie: “And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.” Passenger: “How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Archie.” Passenger: “Then how do you know so much about him?” Cabbie: “I married his flippin’ widow.”

A man walks into the street and manages to hail a taxi. He climbs into the cab and the cabbie says; “Perfect timing. you’re just like Archie.’ Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Archie Hobday. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Archie every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Archie. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.” Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more, he had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all

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Please Sir “Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33.” “Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels.” “Please excuse Joyce from jim today.” “Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.” “Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”

“Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.”

“Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”

“Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.”

“Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.”

“Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.”

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These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received.

“Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault.”

“Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot.”

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UN HOUSE F Greeting cards for all price beaten every time)

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A M a n’s W o r l d

Rules for harmony within the Human Species by Mr. U N Known

The Female always makes the rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification by the Female. No Male can possibly know all the Rules. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of them. The Female is never wrong. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of

something the Male did or said wrong. The Male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstandings. The Female may change her mind at any time. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. The Male is expected to “mind read” at all times. The Female is ready when ‘she’ is ready. The Male must be ready at all times The Male who doesn’t abide by ‘THE RULES’, can’t take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp! Any attempt to document ‘THE RULES’ could result in serious bodily harm.

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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for. It is about time you became informed: A: Almost Boobs, B: Barely there, C: Can’t Complain!, D: Damn!, DD: Double damn! E: Enormous!, F: Fake.

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Look Out!!

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of

its path when it struck my front end. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonet of my car. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

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Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote.

London Barber

FUENGIROLA PORT GENTS HAIRDRESSER

NOW INCORPORATING

LONDON HAIR UNISEX HAIRDRESSERS

CUT & STYLING COLOURS - NAILS PERMS - TREATMENTS OUT OF HOURS APPOINTMENTS

952 461 419 647 807 809 CLMÂŠ2008

Email: londonbarber@hotmail.com

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Natural freshness

No matter where you are - in the office or at home Enjoy the taste of natural spring water & the convenience of the dispenser: Hot, cold or room-temperature 6â&#x201A;Ź rent for the dispenser / month 6â&#x201A;Ź each bottle (19L) Including free delivery

Pay as you go: no contract - no minimum purchase Call us now for a free trial!

Try our water dispenser with 1 bottle (19L) of natural spring water free of charge for 14 days! How cool is that?

Call: 951 247 273 610 532 015 www.aguatrend.com info@aguatrend.com

Just Whats Really Going on

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Kandy Rain promised that their X Factor experience was "just the beginning", but, sadly for them, their first foray into the world of live performances did not go well. The girls were scheduled to do a little live gig at McClusky's club in Kingston, Surrey, but they were booed so badly by the audience that they were forced to flee the stage. One onlooker said afterwards, "It was carnage. They were only on stage for about five minutes. Every time they tried to talk they just got booed." Poor Kandy Rain. We admit, we didn't vote for them on The X Factor, but this sounds really harsh, doesn't it?

Cheryl Cole certainly knows how to make an impression, and no one can doubt that's exactly what she did on the X Factor. The singer performed her fab debut solo single Fight For This Love, wearing the kind of outfit she advised Kandy Rain not to wear just last week. Ahem. However, she did do a very good job, and everyone was going crazy. Her Girls Aloud bandmates Kimberley, Sarah and Nicola were there to support her, as was husband Ashley Cole. Simon Cowell even admitted (albeit slightly begrudgingly) afterwards that she was â&#x20AC;&#x153;incredibleâ&#x20AC;?. What do You think? Are you loving Cheryl.

CHRYSLER STRATUS..............2,600€

SMART PASSION, CAB ............. 5,900€

JET SKI INC. TRAILER........999€

BMW 320 D, 01, ............... 6,900€

VOLVO S60 2002 ..................5,900€

8,800€

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AUDI A4 2.4 CABRIO, AUTOMATIC, 2003 .........14,9000€

LANDROVER DISCOVERY AUTOMATIC 80,000 KM

FIAT PUNTO, X2 01,02 .... 1,900€

LINCOLN MOD, 2001......... 7,999€

FORD GALAXY X2 FROM.... 3,600€

TOYOTA CAMRY,AUTO ......... 2,900€ KAWASAKI 96, 1500cc ......... 4,999€

FORD FOCUS, 05, 1.9.......... 5,999€

CITROEN BERLINGO 1.9D.....3,600€

SAAB CABRIOLET, AUTO.......7,999€

FREELANDER 1.8 2002........7,999€ OPAL CORSA 2003, DIESEL...3,300€ RENAULT KANGOO D X2 .......3,300€ SKODA FABIA D 2003........... 3,300€

PORSCHE CARRERA GT, 2000, AUTOMATIC ...34,900€

FORD MAVERICK V6 03 ...........4,999€

JEEP GRAN CHEROKEE..........8,800€

Just Whats Really Going on

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Robbie Williams caused many eyebrows to raise when he performed his new single Bodies on The X Factor, and many people have since speculated that the singer was "on something”. However, Robbie has been quick to deny this, explaining, “People are alluding to the fact that I may have been high on something, but I can only say I wasn’t, because I wasn't. I would have noticed. I know what various drugs feel like!” Robbie attributes his wide-eyed appearance on the night to “a few coffees”, but allows that the whole experience has knocked his confidence” I’ve always been able to look cocksure through the nerves,” he admitted, “I’m not sure if I’m able to mask it any more.

Olly Murs. A lot can change in a month, but it seems X Factor on the 17th has only served to make this particular act even more popular...especially with fans of very tight trousers. Yes, you guessed it, Olly Murs has come out at the top of the popularity poll. The lovely Stacey is not far behind Olly, and she's followed by little Geordie Joe, who is the official favourite, along with Danyl Johnson according to Ladbrokes. But can they compete against Olly Murs doing thrusts in those trousers. Here’s the magic moment again, just for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n1Z8vK CFQY&feature=player_embedded#

•Well Womens Clinic (Cervical Smears, breast examinations) •Full Health Assessments •Dyslexia Assessments •Complimentary Therapists •Counseling service •Hypertension management

A Nurse led service providing an innovative and holistic approach to healthcare that brings the values and practices of a British Health Centre to the Costa del Sol, enabling you to access a service that is familiar. •Community Mental Health team Mens Health Clinic (Includes PSA, Testicular examination) •Care Coordination Centre •Asthma Clinic •Diabetes Management •Vaccination Clinics

Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking. 32

On the Coin Road (A404), 3 km out of Alhaurín el Grande 20 minutes from La Cañada and the coast.

WE ARE NOW IN OUR 6TH YEAR! Luxury Pet Transportation throughout Europe by land Professional Grooming Salon for Dogs & Cats Pet Boutique with Pet Treats & Accessories Be a step in front of the Boutique Dog Hotel law and avoid a fine... Beautiful Secluded Cattery We now stock and supply: • Dog Car Harnesses with seatbelt attachments Grooming Courses • Dog Guards for cars Complete Dog Food "Posh Nosh" • Travel Crates Pet ID Tags - Now engraved onsite Bespoke Travel Cages - Custom Cages A Residential Obedience Training for your dog collection & Our own produced ‘Herbal Tonic’ for pets delivery ‘Pet

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• • • • • • • • • • •

Telephone: 952 597 035

Visit: www.poshpetsspain.com

Taxi’ service is offered

ocal Info Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

(Marina)

Cinemas

Transport Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

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Emergency Numbers

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st November2009 Saints day.

All

30th November 2009 - St Andrews Day.

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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Urb. El Pilar, Edif. Benapilar. Locales 8-10, Estepona. Exit Km 168 (Opposite the Crowne Plaza Hotel) Tel: 952 88 36 66

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WE ARE THE CELEBRATIES CHOIC

In celebration of our 5th Anniversary here on the Costa we would like to thank all our customers for their support by Reducing our restaurant prices to our 2004 opening prices for all our main courses of Fish, Scampi, Spit Roast & much more.

OFA BED & S SHOP

SIR ALAN SUGAR

THEO PHAPHITIS

GEORGE GRAHAM

LIZ DAWN

zÉààçËá

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`ÉÇ @ ftà IÑÅ@DDÑÅ VÄÉáxw fâÇwtç

C/Jose de Espronceda, Edif. Mrc 7, Locale 32, ‘La Campana’, (opp. La Torre Andalucia Hotel) Nueva Andalucia, Marbella. Tel:

Hà{

tâÜtÇàá @ à{x y|Çxáà ÉÇ à{x VÉáàt wxÄ fÉÄ NO GIMMICKS ... JUST EXTRA MONEY IN YOUR POCKETS. HALF PRICE CHILDREN’S MENU. (with every adult main course ordered one child eats half price)

Same Top quality, same great portions. Watch out for our take away super savers !!

Hà{

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OICE FOR GREAT FISH AND CHIPS

SHAYNE WARD

PAT RICE

CASINO

San Pedro

CILLA BLACK

ALAN DAVIES

N340

Marbella

CHI ESE RESTAURA T

Just

Telephone:

month

663 061 669

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€20 a SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

The Sussex Bar

MAIN COURSE

Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES

Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS

Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Food served 10am -10pm. Sunday Lunch 1pm - 9pm. Thursday quiz night, Friday darts league, Saturdays Karaoke. La Cortijera. La Cala.

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas. Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

Friendly Atmosphere, Family Bar, Children Welcome

KID’S MEAL DEAL €3.89 -

Choose from Sausage, Hot dog, Chicken nuggets,

Fish fingers or Burger all served with Chips and including Soft Drink, Ice Cream or Chock Stick.

BIGGEST ROAST ON THE COAST 2 MEAL DEAL - Choose any two meals for just €10

(Monday to Saturdays) Buy two glasses of wine €4 or buy the bottle for just €5.99

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bars and restaurant guide

HONG KONG

Great places to eat and drink in La Cala

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Thursday Night - Quiz Nights, Friday Night - Bingo Two large, sunny terraces. Pool Table Internet access All live sport shown. Happy Hour 5pm-7pm Monday - Friday Las Adelfas No.11 Urb. Los Claveles

Tel: 952 493 763

Dibleys Tapas

Bar

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La Cala de Mijas, Opposite the church. Tel: 952 493 042

Totally Refurbished and Outside Courtyard

Tapas 12pm - 3pm & 6pm - 10pm English and Spanish mix Full menu available 6pm - 10pm Sunday - Sunday Roast only. 12pm - 10pm

Beef/pork/lamb €8 Chicken €7

to go...

Sandwich Bar

Incorporating

Filled baguettes, sandwiches and salads to eat in or take away. - 5pm Jane 10am and Steve formerly from ‘to go’

and Claire Gary formerly952 from Captains Bar 493 042 Ring to and pre-order:

W h a t ’s O n Live Sports - Bar Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Film Night - Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Tuesdays

Quiz Night - 10.00, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Karaoke - Fools bar. El Zoco, Calahonda.

Wednesdays

Fridays

Karaoke - “Paul the Bear” Bar Shenanigans, 9.30pm Riviera del Sol. Fish & Chip Night - BunkersBar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Quiz Night - Captains Bar, La Cala. Bingo & Quiz - 10pm Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Indian & Chinease Night -The Far Isle, Authentic Indian or Chinese Cuisine.

Knight, 19th The Blues Brothers, 26th Gary Young. Steak Night & live music. €21.95 Karl Knight Or Gary Young - Vista del Mar. Karaoke - 9pm, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Quiz Night - JJ’s Bar, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Fools Bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. Karaoke - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Quiz - 80’s Quiz. Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

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Mondays

Thursdays

La Cala

Live Music - 5th Jane Charles, 12th Karl

great places to eat, drink and be entertained.

Your Entertainment Guide

Continued on page 46

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Snack Attack Cafe - Bar

Due to popular demand Snack Attack is now open on Sundays 10am - 4pm for Breakfast, Lunch and our popular ROAST DINNER 2 courses for only 10 €

GREAT VALUE BREAKFAST ONLY 3.95€

Open from 7.30 for Quality Breakfast, Lunch and Sandwiches

LUNCH TIME SPECIALS (changes daily) KITCHEN NOW OPEN UNTIL 6PM Early EVENING TAPAS AVAilable

Everything available as take away for days out Why not take a baguette of your choice to the Local 26 Jardín Botánico, beach or airport? La Cala de Mijas NOW IN OUR 6 T H YEAR Tel: 952 493 184

On the Sunny Side of the Street

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Riviera del Sol

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Telephone: 663 061 669

Sit ‘n’ Go sports lounge broadcasting all the weekly action in comfortable, friendly surroundings. Open daily from 1pm until midnight. Wi-fi internet access. Frontline C.C.Calypso.

Calypso

Sit ‘n’ Go

Fuengirola

Nemos Bar

Front line Fuengirola port. Open all day. 6 days a week. Pool table and Sky Sports.

Just €35 a month

Los Jarales

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THURSDAY KARAOKE 8.30pm SATURDAYS CABARET 8.30pm

Tel: 952 932 519

41 & 42, 1ST FLOOR CENTRO COMMERCIAL LOS JARALES, CALAHONDA

Harrys Sports Bar

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Just €35 a month

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.

Sisters Bar

Friendly family bar with good food, tapas, live entertainment, karaoke and sports. Open seven days a week. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579

Calahonda

Telephone: 663 061 669

great places to eat and drink

Play world famous Texas Holdʼem Poker. From beginners to pros, we have games to suit everyone

Villa Paradiso - Open since 1989

Small friendly bar. Daily sport. Karaoke on Tues and Thursday. All football matches shown. First floor El Zoco (corner) Tel: 952 935 340

Trafalgar Cocktail Bar

Italian Restaurant

Italian restaurant. Taste the genuine Italian food in attractive decor. Open seven days a week, 1pm till late. C.C. El Zoco, first floor, Sitio de Calahonda. Tel: 952 932 042

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El Zoco, Calahonda

Fools Bar

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE Just

€20 a

Telephone:

For before and after dinner drinks. Live music Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Open every evening until late. El Zoco First floor, Sito de Calahonda. Mijas Costa.

month

663 061 669

Warm Friendly Atmosphere, Great Value For Money Full daytime menu Great value breakfast only 3.50 including drink Homemade 100% beefburgers Daily drinks specials Sunday Roasts All food is homemade including our chips

Torreblanca

The Wessex Bar

Extensive evening menu All food freshly prepared to order Daily chefs specials OPEN 7 DAYS 10AM-LATE ON THE BEACH FRONT IN TORREBLANCA

CAFE - BAR

Traditional and Vegetarian Fayre available including: Burgers, Lasagne, Currys, Chillis, Fresh salads, Homemade chips, All day breakfasts and much more. Quorn products, Childrens menu, and a selection of Desserts also available.

Everything direct from London Pie, Mash and Liquer Jellied Eels, Dressed crab, Whelks, Peeled prawns, Mussels, Winkles and much more! Eat In and Take Away Now supplying wholesale

Open daily Tuesday Sunday 10.00 18.00 Frontline Fuengirola Port Marina. Tel: 672 028 226

La Cr es a 単 ta Pe

The rural bar with the great atmosphere

Great food and Spanish tapas at Spanish prices!

Open 12 - Late 7 days Tel: 662 607 784 Between Hotel Byblos and Venta la Morena

Great places to eat and drink in Fuengirola

PORTSIDE

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bars and restaurant guide

Cockles Seafood

Selection of fine wines and local beers. Regular live entertainment and karaoke in English and Spanish. Every Thursday Argentinian BBQ 7.30 till 10 pm with Live Music. Saturday Night Live Music. Call for details. CAMINO DE COIN HOTEL RODINASON

VENTA LA MORENA

RIVER BED

W h a t ’s O n Bingo - Captains Bar, La Cala Dart League - Sussex Bar, La Cortijera, La Cala. Live Music - Trafalgar Bar, El Zoco. Fish and Chip Night - The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol.

Saturdays

Sundays

Sunday Roast & Live Music - Vista Del Mar. ‘Probably’ the Best Sunday Lunch on the Costa €10.95 Plus live music with Gary Young. Live Entertainment - Mad Terry, from 5pm Shaggys, Fuengirola Port, Courtyard. Bingo - 10.00 Bunkers Bar, Miraflores. Sunday Roast - 1pm - 10pm, The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Live Music - 9pm, Charleys Bar, Riviera del Sol. Sunday Roast - All Day, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range

WxÄ|@|v|Éâá

Nueva Andalucia

Cabaret - Dalton 9.30pm, Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Sister Bar. The Strip, Calahonda. Live Music - with Dave the Brave. Tony’s Bar, La Cortijera, La Cala Karaoke - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Live music - Trafalgar bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. All Live Sports - 5.30 - 9.45 Bunkers Bar

Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Cabaret Night - Vista Del Mar. 7th Buddy Walker, 14th Sandy Laurence, 21st Jane Charles, 28th Amanada Rosa.

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Fridays ‘cont’

great places to eat, drink and be entertained

Your Entertainment Guide

Freshly Cooked Continental Deli Style Food and Desserts

Sunday roast Menu of the day 9€ Mon - Sat Fresh smoothies and juices All day breakfast Outside catering Open 7 days a week Home made cakes to order Sandwich bar Home made desserts Take away service available Outside sunny terrace

WxÄ|@|v|Éâá Tel: 952 907 876 Calle Califa No 1, Edif. Maestranza, Nueva Andalucia, Marbella.

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Fine Indian Cuisine Restaurant and Take Away Open from 6pm - Midnight

Tel: 902 Indian(902 463 426)

CLMÂŠ2008

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C Mughal Village Urb. Torrenueva, Mijas Costa Fine Indian Cuisine. Restaurant and Take Away Open from 6pm - Midnight Tel: 902 463 426

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Papa Luigi

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

bars and restaurant guide

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Ho g De ma ce na m y be Pa r rt y

CHARLEY’S BAR & RESTAURANT

Golden Sun

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

oi Family Bar n us Internet on for th ou Quizzes and Karaoke e r 31 Live Entertainment st Pool Tables Games Machines Open for Food Closed Tuesdays Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 676

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT SUNDAY ROAST with Fresh Veg & Yorkshire Pud & Dessert for just 10€ Adults & 4.50€ Children NEW DAY & EVENING MENUS & DAILY SPECIALS SNACKS & TAKEAWAY AVAILABLE ALL DAY OPEN EVERYDAY SUNNY TERRACE, SEA VIEWS & SKY SPORTS. Live Entertainment - Sunday, Cash Bingo Tuesday, Karaoke - Thursday. All from 9pm

Tel: 615 315 605

1ST FLOOR RIVIERA COMMERCIAL (NEAR THE CHEMISTS), RIVIERA DEL SOL, MIJAS COSTA.

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

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the terrace.

Christmas Menu Now Available, Freshly Cooked Versatile Menu. Warm Friendly Atmosphere. Above Shenanigans, Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 039. Closed Tuesdays.

Bunkers Bar Bistro

En Un Rincon De La Boca

RIVIERA DEL SOL WITH LARGE SUNNY TERRACE AND FANTASTIC VIEWS OVER THE MED. LIVE SPORT FUN QUIZ NIGHTS - THURS MUSIC NIGHTS Avenida del Golf

Breakfast, brunches, evening dinner and BBQ open 7 days a week from 10am. Wi-fi internet connection. Terrace available for private functions. Miraflores Driving Range. Tel: 952 939 381

Specialists in Argentinian grilled meat. Take away. Open daily 10.00 - 23.00. Closed Tuesdays. Las Terrazas de Miraflores Tel: 952 930 649

JJ’s Bar

SMALL FRIENDLY BAR

bars and restaurant guide

Beautiful panoramic sea and beach views from

Riviera del sol JJ’s Bar

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We can supply and fit a Power Saving System which will turn off electric when departing your appartment and turning it back on upon arrival saving lots of ENERGY!! Systems that you can text or phone to switch on or off the water heater or aircon. Water Heater timers installed. Solar Heated Swimming Pools Solar Heated Water and Much More ... Make the place greener and start saving money today.

Varsha Hair, Nails & Beauty Paul Mitchel - Crystal Clear - Guinot

Manicures & Pedicures Fibre/Gel/Acrylic Reflexology - Massage Spray Tanning - Sunbed Power Plate, - THE PREMIUM VIBRATION EXERCISE MACHINE NOW AVAILABLE

Urb. Jardines Atalaya (Isdabe)Ctra. Cadiz Km 168, Estepona

952 897 907 608 364 712

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Power Clean

Tel - 68 9898 682

Professional mobile car cleaning

Reliable, affordable, friendly service to you door.

Marbella - Dequesa 7 Days a week

Only Eight!

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Why the f**k would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? ☺ When people say, while watching a movie “Did you see that?” No Assh@#e, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the friggin ceiling up there. ☺ People who ask “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice, did ya there buddy? ☺ When something is “new and improved”, which is it? If it’s new, then it’s an improvement, then it must not be the first one!! ☺ When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know assh@#e you f@~king pulled me over!

Eight Things that P#~s Me Off by Adam Sandler. ☺ People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the f~#k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? ☺ People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. ☺ When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.” F@~k off. What good is a goddamn cake you can’t eat? ☺ When people say “It’s always in the last place you look”. Of course it is.

FUJITSU / GENERAL AIRCONDITIONING FULLY INSTALLED

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SPLITS FROM 550€ DUCTED FROM 2000€

Solar Water Heating Fully Installed From 1,000 euro

3 YEARS GUARANTEE

Servicing and repairs all makes & models. Service contracts.

TEL: 666 087 496

EMAIL: econocool@hotmail.es

offers:

Offex Easimail services •Royal Mail Services •UPS Courier •European & World wide mail •European & World wide courier •Express parcels road and air •British Passport renewal service •Local deliveries

To locate you nearest mail point please contact: Tel: 951 242 772 (09h00 -14h00) 676 502 347 (A/Hours) 202 Marbella Business Centre, Elviria, 29604 Email: marbella@offexspain.com

One Horse Race

Jennifer, who had entered the competition organised for her village carnival in Wimblington, Cambridgeshire, added, “Although I have never heard of anything like this before I certainly didn’t take offence. I had a good laugh with the organiser about it. It certainly won’t put me off baking cakes.”

Organisers had spotted her sponge had rack marks from where it had been in the oven and decided it wasn’t up to the standards demanded for first place. But grandmother-of-four Jennifer said she was not browned off and chuckled, “I must admit I have never heard of coming second in a one horse race

before. When a friend of mine told me I had come second I was quite pleased, both for getting a prize and also because I just assumed they must have had more entries. The cake hadn't been judged good enough to win the contest, but it was soon polished off and there were certainly no complaints.”

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Jennifer Brown, aged 62, a grandmother was thrilled to win second prize in a baking contest until she found that her cake was the only entry. She was awarded second place for her Victoria Sponge in the competition, reports the Mirror. She was intrigued to find out which cake had beaten her to the top spot and it was then that she discovered the truth.

Spas 4 You .Com

ALL INST

HOT TUBS & JACUZZI SPAS A spa for every size and budget

Estepona Poligono Please call to make an appointment to view. 902 88 11 02 617 63 92 15 www.spas4you.com email: info@spas4you.com

50%

FIRE ER Y N A B OFF VEM

IN N

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Ello Darlin

I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy? Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five euros? I wish I were a tear so I could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty. Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night! What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zip.

All those curves! And me with no brakes!

Can I read your T shirt in brail?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.

Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. (one for Puerto Banus)

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With the Party season fast approaching, here is a collection of cheesy chat-up lines. Remember, Costa Link can’t be held responsible for any drinks thrown in your face when you try to use some of these.

More Next Month?

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The Immediate Collection and Delivery Service

In The News

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arrest in Germany when she rugbytackled a 25-year-old jay walker. The pensioner sat on him until police arrived, because he had walked across a road before the light was green. The woman, from Freital, near Dresden, shouted at the man as he crossed the road before the little green man flashed up. The old lady said she became even angrier when he hit her with his rucksack as he pushed past her when he reached the other side of the road. She grabbed his hair and managed to wrestle him to the ground where she sat on him until police, who had been called by a passer-by, came. He was taken to a local police station where he was fined for jay walking.

Two English football fans in Cologne lost their car after mistakenly thinking they had parked it on a road called ‘One Way Street’. The pair wrote down ‘Einbahn Strasse’ which means oneway street in German, so they didn’t forget where they’d left the hire car. But when they came to find it again they found that every second street in the inner city was called ‘Einbahn Strasse’. It was only when they found a policeman that they were told the sign was to inform drivers that they were on a one-way street. They finally managed to find their vehicle hours later with the help of the German police.

A 77-year-old granny made a citizen’s

DRAIN & LEAK

SOLUTIONS S.L.

High Pressure water jetting Drain tracing, C.C.T.V. Septic tank problems and installations Bath, sinks and toilets unblocked Leak detection and repairs

Fully Qualified, Fully Legal, No Call Out Fee.

Tel: 951 310 111 60

Mobile: 651 111 005

www.drainandleak.com

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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 94

Quick Crossword Down

1. Nil (4)

1. Fastner (3)

3. Cask (6)

2. Detection instru-

8. Security device

ment (5)

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Across

4. Japanese martial

(7)

9. Water barrier (3) 10. Terse (4)

11. Rudderless (6)

13. Technical termi-

6. Restricted (7)

7. Adult male swan (3)

10. Coaxed (7)

15. Zealous (4)

12. Part of the

18. Written record

eye(6)

of events (3)

14. Majestic (5)

19. Countries (7)

16. Stringed instru-

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5. Armbones (5)

nology (6)

21. Currency unit

ment (5)

(6)

17. Consumed (3)

22. Labyrinth (4)

Picture Puzzles

art (6)

20. Litigate (3)

Sudoku

Can you work out what common phrases or sayings these pictures represent?

Mathematical Teaser

What mathematical symbol can be placed between 5 and 9, to get a number greater than 5 and smaller than 9?

Say What You See... smo UP ke

to sponsor this page please call: 663 061 669

Jack

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Boulevard de La Cala, Mijas Costa Tel: 619 178 194 www.ingridbatikfashion.com

cruise? a n o g Goin r thes fo o l c t c fe . the per e v a h holiday l a We i c e that sp happy f o w e cr . oin our j t o n tomers s u c Why d e fi & satis

We have been working with batik materials for over 10 years and cater for all ages & sizes with our very own brand of cool and attractive day & evening wear, ladies dresses, jumpsuits, jackets, caftans, kimonos, ponchos, sarongs & lots more.

COME AND SEE OUR UNIQUE RANGE OF ORIGINAL HAND PAINTED BATIK CLOTHING FROM INDONESIA

INGRID BATIK FASHION

Strange but true... There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year. It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest. The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails. The average person laughs 15 times a day

We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday. Your nose and ears never stop growing.

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

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As you age, your eye colour gets lighter.

METACONA

Manufacturers of ornate iron work

Aluminium doors and windows Mosquito screens Shower screens Electric shutters suppliers of scissor gates Stainless steEl welding and fabrications Toldos manual or electric cctv and smoke screen

Nave 8, Fase 3, Poligono La Vega, Camino Coin, Mijas Costa

Tel: 617 760 155 Email: metacona@hotmail.com 64

to advertise please call 663 061 669

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

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teleweb internet & telephone has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a ‘Pay as you go’ system. There are flexible solutions ranging from one hour to a permanent connection for someone who lives here full

time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose? EXCITING NEWS! teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call teleweb on: 952 833 300 or email: info@teleweb-marbella.

For all your insurance needs under one roof ...

Best cover and most competitive rates for Cars, Bikes, Travel, House, Bars, Offices, Life, Private Health, Savings, Mortgage Protection and Dental.

AXA Agent

Protection Plans for the Self Employed, Sickness, Accident and Disability.

PARKER SOL PROPERTIES & COSTALETS Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 608 44 09 12 www.costalet.com C.I.F: B-92171388

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C/ Sagitario 6, Jardines de Gamonal Blq 7, 29631 Arroyo de la Miel

IF YOU WISH TO BUY, SELL OR RENT LONG TERM FROM TORREMOLINOS TO ELVIRIA, CALL US NOW.

AREA SALES: CALL STEVE - 636 829 631 445,000 €

JUST 120,000 €

299,000 €

RIVIERA VILLA

MIRAFLORES SEMI-DETACHED

Gated Community, Close To Golf, Corner, South/West, Sea Views, Community Pool & BBQ, Storage & Utility Room, Parking, Sat TV.

4 Bed/3 Bath Various Terraces, BBQ Area, Private Community Garden & Pool. Close to Golf. PRICED BELOW VALUE

3 Bedrooms,2 Bathrooms Townhouse Modern Design, Private Garden, Various Terraces, Close to Golf REDUCED OVER 100,000€

Only 77,000 €

139,000 €

129,000 €

CALAHONDA

BENALMADENA COSTA

Studio, Minerva Complex, Views Over Garden & Sea, Afternoon Sun, Furnished, Sat TV, Great Complex, 24hr Reception, Beautiful Pools & Gardens.

1 Bed, Torrequebrada, New & Modern, Furnished, Beatiful Views, Large Terrace, 2 Parking Spaces, Communal Pool & Garden VERY GOOD

1 Bed Corner Apartment Jupiter Complex, Pool & Garden Views, Guaranteed Rental Income, Fully Reformed, Furnished, Wonderfull Complex, Afternoon Sun. BARGAIN

BENALMADENA COSTA

MANY OTHERS PROPERTYS AVAILABLE. CALL FOR DETAILS. RENTALS MIJAS AREA RENTALS BENALMADENA AREA CALL ALISTAIR:- 608 440 912 CALL STEVE:- 651 756 185

RIVIERA, PUEBLO LOS OLIVOS, 2 BED/2 BATH: 550€ per month MIRAFLORES, 2 BED / 2 BATH: FROM 550€ per month UPPER CALAHONDA, 2BED / 1 BATH: 500€ per month

BENALMADENA COSTA, STUDIOS FROM: 350€ month BONANZA-GAMONAL, SUITE, 1 BED: 400 € per month ARENAL GOLF, 2 BED/2BATH: FROM 520€ per month

Swift

AirtechAC

Glass Curtains Glass Cut to Size Shower Screens Glass Enclosures Safety Glass Hand made Mirrors Table Tops

For free quotations or advice on any aspect of our work please call: 952 490 169 / 687701430 or email: swiftconstruct.glass@gmail.com

www.airtechacspain.com info@airtechacspain.com

All aspects of Glass work undertaken

QUALITY HEATING AND AIR-CONDITIONING UNITS AT COMPETITIVE PRICES FULL INSTALLATION SPECIALIST KNOWLEDGE AND COMPLETE SERVICE AND MAINTENANCE RANGE OF SERVICES FOR COMMERCIAL CUSTOMERS. Finca Dorada 5, El Chaparral, Mijas Costa Phone: +34 952 599 019 or +34 607 793 923

Poligono La Rosa, Alhaurin El Grande.

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FOR THE PERFECT CLIMATE, ALL YEAR ROUND

Glass and Glazing

Man and Van Clearance

Removals Storage Deliveries Collections House

HOUSE CLEARANCE SPECIALISTS

Removals, Collections, Deliveries and Storage all undertaken. Large 16 Cubic Metre Van, Excellent Rates

We want to buy all Furniture, Electrical items, Books, Tools, etc.

International Removals Also Available

Any Amount Large or Small CASH PAID.

FA S T & P R O F E S S I O N A L S E R V I C E

Call. 679 233 462 or E-mail. rosieandkev@spansurf.com

A ‘swim bebe swim’ franchise owned and operated under License by Nathalie Martinez.

RETAINING WALL SOLUTIONS

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Are you wasting valuable land? Garden on a slope, no room for a pool?

A modular block system and EC7 approved An engineered solution means a safe retaining wall No more waiting - fast installation and a planned programme Looks l ike natural stone â&#x20AC;&#x201C; custom colouring Affordable and maintenance free No hidden costs Guaranteed work, qual ified installers

Tel/Fax: 0034 952 666 547 www.retainingwallsolutions.eu

Mmm..... Method

This cornbread browns nicely in the hot oven. For a crustier cornbread, heat the pan while the oven preheats before pouring in the batter.

Heat oven to 425°. Grease a 9-inch square baking pan or spray with baking spray. Combine the flour, meal, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a large mixing bowl. In another bowl, whisk the eggs with the buttermilk, butter, and honey. Pour the egg mixture into the dry mixture and stir just until combined. Pour into the prepared pan and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Ingredients

165 grams flour 120 grams stone ground cornmeal 2 1/2 teaspoons baking soda 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt

3 large eggs 235 ml buttermilk

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Corn Bread

55 grams melted butter,cooled slightly

56 ml honey

“the heart and soul of the campo”

Text: 637 89 86 89 70

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We are a friendly team that enjoy our work so if you are really serious about your transport or removal needs, then please give us a call and speak to someone that has the knowledge, experience and enthusiasm to help you make the right choices. We look forward to hearing from you soon!

LOCAL & EUROPEAN REMOVALS NO JOB TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL

TEL: 952 816 582 www.focus-transport.com

Tel: 671 093 925 Website: www.costarents.com Email: info@costarents.com

Your long term property rental specialists

Riviera del Sol. Immaculate, front line golf, 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom villa. Very light and spacious and finished to the highest standard. Private pool and garden. €1700 per month.

La Cala de Mijas. Brand new, 3 bedroom townhouse with office, garage and garden. Unfurnished. Communal pool, paddle tennis, A/C and Sky T.V. €750 per month.

Elviria 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom townhouse. The gated community offers 2 padel tennis courts, gardens with playground area and swimming pools. €1000 per month.

Urgently required townhouses and villas to rent on long term basis. Property Management from 50€ per month. Please see our website for many more properties! No Finders Fee.

Fix It !

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. E: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

E: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. E: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. E: That's what they're there for.

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Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. P = The problem logged by the pilot. E = action taken by the engineers.

P: IFF inoperative. E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. E: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. E: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Something loose in cockpit. E: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. E: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. E: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Target radar hums. E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

F.A.M.A

FOUNDATION FOR ABANDONED AND MISTREATED ANIMALS

Everyday FAMA takes in animals who have been abandoned or mistreated and houses them safely. Unfortunately our kennels are only large enough to house a certain number of animals in need and we constantly seek loving homes for these animals. If you are looking for a dog but canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see the one for you here, please visit the adoption tab on our website: www.f-a-m-a.net, where you will find many more looking for a home or contact: Pat Coleman on 620 354 885.

BLAKE - He is a good looking little chap who is about 8/10 months old. He has a good character, gets on well with other dog. Call 620 354 885

LARA - Of a litter of 4 she is only 8 weeks old and gorgeous lease telephone 620 354 885.

SPENCER - He is a young dog with a brilliant character. Will make wonderful family pet please telephone 620 354 885

NICKEY - He is a little lad who is looking for a good home. He will be of medium size with a short coat when grown. Call 620 354 885.

Transform At Miraflores Massage & Beauty Centre Calle Esmeralda, Riviera, Mijas Costa

Transform your Smile Today

99â&#x201A;Ź

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Special Offer

Get noticed, get the Bright, White Smile YOU deserve in around 35 minutes. Transform your smile TODAY.

Other Transform Treatments Available: -

Permanent Hair Removal using IPL from as little as 20â&#x201A;Ź. Skin Rejuvenation - Sun Spots, Anti Ageing, Vein Removal etc. Non-Surgical Liposuction - The shape you want without surgery 1 hour inch loss Infa Red System Non-Surgical Breast Enlargement & Enhancement

605 865 755

www.transformall.com

Golf Tips And Tricks The Set Up 95% of a Good Shot by Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy

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UK QUALIFIED 15 YEARS OF COACHING EXPERIENCE LESSONS FOR ALL LEVELS OF GOLFER BEGINNER TO PLAYING PROFESSIONAL LESSON PACKAGES AVAILABLE NOW BASED AT THE MIRAFLORES GOLF ACADEMY

NOW WITH FULLY STOCKED PROFESSIONAL SHOP

MIRAFLORES DRIVING RANGE & GOLF ACADEMY. S/N RIVIERA DEL SOL, 29649 MIJAS COSTA. TEL: 952 933 729 OR 678 833 736

The position you are in before you swing is the one you intend to return to strike the ball. If it is wrong you will play a bad shot, if it remains uncorrected you will change your swing to compensate. As a coaching professional I see many swing faults that have arisen through bad set up, you know the direction you want the ball to fly in, as an example if your body alignment is incorrect releasing your swing along the line of your body will not hit the target, so if the alignment is not corrected your swing will change to force the ball towards the target. Make sure you know and understand each part of the setup, how you do it and why it is needed then follow these instructions for practice and play.

MARK SIBLEY

PGA GOLF PROFESSIONAL

The 6 points of your setup must be checked before you swing. If anything is incorrect you must step away and start again. If you feel uncomfortable and unsure of your setup step away and start again Develop a system for setup which you repeat every time. Check your setup when the system is complete making sure it is right just before you swing. When you practice, practice your setup with every shot you play just hitting the ball only works on a very small part of your golf shot. See your setup as a pyramid, one thing wrong and your swing will come tumbling down.

Golf Academy

Golfing About What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm? Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even God can't hit a 1-iron!

AIM

GRIP STANCE POSTURE

ALIGNMENT BALL POSITION

Sponsored by Mark Sibley - Miraflores Golf Academy

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WINTER 2009: 1ST OCT TO 3OTH NOV 18 HOLES 9 HOLES

65.00 € 34.00 €

BUGGY BUGGY

30.00 € 15.00 €

SPECIAL OFFER BUGGY RENTAL AFTER 12:00 (HRS) 15.00€

TWILIGHT GOLF ‘Call for details’

SANTA MARIA GOLF & COUNTRY CLUB Urb. Elviria, C.N.340 Km. 192 29604 Marbella (Malaga) Tel: 952 831 036 Fax: 952 834 797 E-Mail: caddymaster@santamariagolfclub.com Website: www.santamariagolfclub.com

Funny five Minutes Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the the police pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not lose the police car. Giving up he pulled over. The officer aroached the car,” Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen” “Well, he stated, “Just last week my wife ran off with a police man.” “So What!!!” the cop screamed. “Well, I thought you were trying to bring her back.”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would

stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

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A fellow comes home after golf one Sunday afternoon, falls asleep on the couch, and doesn’t wake up until about 9 pm. His wife asks why he is so tired. “Well, You remember George, my golfing buddy? He died today, on the fourth green.” “That’s terrible, it must have been awful” she says. “It sure was,”he says, “For the next 14 holes it was drive, drag George, chip, drag George, putt, drag George...”

La Cala de Mijas

No ob quo ligatio tatio n n

“our showroom is next door to Snr Nicks”

Ta i l o r m a d e f u r n i t u r e p a c k a g e s & m a k e o v e r s o l u t i o n s

Are you struggling for ideas, time or patience for your property? Take the stress out of what should be a wonderful new phase in your life. New or existing properties, we can help you. Call Dilys for a no-obligation quotation, from dressing one window to a whole furniture package. Our showroom is situated between the BP petrol sation and the Farmacia, next door to Sr. Nick’s. Tel: 952 494 155. Dilys: 600 583 673. Web: www.whitedesignco.com. Email: info@whitedesignco.com

Colonic Irrigation by Liz Greenwood I-ACT Certified Colonic Hydrotherapist Longest Established Therapist on the Coast

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Do you suffer problems such as constipaton, IBS, skin disorders, fatigue, headaches. Are you feeling bloated and unhappy with your body shape.

Are you struggling to loose excess weight? Are you dreading the party season because those skinny dresses are tight across your tummy? Then colonic irrigation can help you.

Follow the stars, look and feel fantastic now.

Enquire about our Detox Packages. Gift Vouchers available.

Located at Forum Hair & Beauty Spa in La Cala.

info@hydrocleansespain.com www.hydrocleansespain.com

952 599 110

Forum

HAIR & BEAUTY SPA

GEL OR ACRYLIC NAILS Full Set - only 50 euros. Infills - only 30 euros.

Shampoo & Blow Dry Spa Manicure & Spa Pedicure Only 50.00 euros. Offers Excludes Wednesdays.

Genie Skin Tech Organic Microdermabrasion Now Available.

952 59 90 98 www.forumhairandbeauty.com Edificio Calasol, Local B 13. La Cala de Mijas, Mijas Costa

Business Focus Traditional Thai Massage – We offer a traditional Thai massage for both men and women, for your relaxation and vitality with healing forces to ease stress and harmonies the body and mind, to book an appointment call 691 932 595 or visit www.thaimassagemarbella.com.

Professional Plumbing Solutions SL – For all your kitchen and bathroom refurbishments, property repairs and maintenance, boiler installation, service and repairs, telephone 669 918 387 or 952 460328 or visit www.professionalplumbingsolutionssl.com. Costa Try Buys - Welcome to Costa Try Buys, a brand new concept and completely unique way to buy property on the Costa del Sol, Spain. To find out more about our unique service call 952 494 776 or visit our website www.costatrybuys.com.

TYRES-2-U – Tyres supplied and fitted at your home or work, saving you the time, punctures, motor bikes, call outs, true balancing, ring Steve on 676 186 499.

for cars, boats, motorbikes, Interior and exterior polishing and cleaning, not forgetting your home we deep clean your carpets, rugs and mattresses, we also offer quality furnishings all domestic, commercial and marine furniture re-covered or even made new, call David Lovick on 671 608 353

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A.C. Control – Air conditioning & Heating specialist, call out 24/7, service engineer within 12 hours, dedicated engineer technical backup, our aim is to provide customer satisfaction at all time, call 952 196 078 or visit www.accontrolspain.com.

Specialists in timber decking, pergola’s and gazebo’s.

Marion Hughes English Midwife Ante Natal/PostNatal care and support. Baby Clinic

Clinic: 952 780 540 Mob: 607 911 262 www.costadelsolmidwife.com marion@costadelsolmidwife.com www.marbellanannies.com

Increase your living space and improve your lifestyle. For more information or a free quotation please contact:

The Bees Knees – Quality mobile valeting

Email: info@ecodeckspain.com

www.ecodeckspain.com

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UNBEATABLE OFFERS ON ALL INCLUSIVE

M O N T H LY PAY M E N T PA C K A G E S

UNLIMITED INTERNATIONAL CALLS TO 18 COUNTRIES

ADSL FREE FIXED IP FREE WIRELASS FAX TO EMAIL LINE RENTAL

3Mb, 8Mb & MOBILE PACKAGES AVAILABLE

3Mb

ADSL + Subscription + Free Wireless Router + Fixed IP + Fax to Email + Line Rental + Free Calls to UK, Spain, Germany, Belgium, France, Italy, Netherlands, Portugal, Denmark, Finland, Greece, Icland, Ireland, Sweden, Switzerland, Norway, USA and Canada.

64.90€ per month

For further information on all our services call: 951 775 307 or email: Xtratel@ya.com

Warmers Two rich indulgent winter warmers, one for you and one for the kids. Coconut Almond Cocoa

- for the adults

Hot Vanilla -

1/2 cup of whipping cream

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1 tablespoon of chocolate syrup

2 tbsp. Cocoa Powder

Dash of cinnamon

2 tbsp. Sugar

1 cup of milk (per hot vanilla)

2 cup. Milk

2 teaspoons of sugar (per hot vanilla)

1 oz. Parrot Bay or Malibu coconut rum 1 oz. Amaretto De Saronno liqueur

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract Method

Whipped cream (optional) Shredded coconut as garnish (optional) Method

In a bowl, whip 1/2 cup of cream until it's frothy. Add 1 tablespoon of chocolate syrup and a dash of cinnamon, then continue to whip the mixture until well blended and peaks form. Microwave 1 cup of milk and 2 teaspoons of sugar in a mug for 90 seconds. Stir in 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract. Top with a dollop of chocolate cream, a drizzle of chocolate syrup, and cinnamon.

Mix sugar, milk and cocoa powder in a sauce pan. Heat until steaming, not boiling. Add in liqueur and rum. Pour into two mugs. Top with whipped cream, if desired. Drizzle amaretto over whipped cream, if desired. Top with shredded coconut.

GREAT VALUE ADVERTISING

1/8 page advert only â&#x201A;Ź20 A MONTH

for a limited period

PLUMBER FREE CALL OUT

FUENGIROLA, CALAHONDA, MARBELLA, GUADALMINA, BENAHAVIS. 40 YEARS EXPERIENCE

CALL KEN: 952 455 279 or 654 632 329 80

for the kids

TO H P EE RA

S O A P

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LAUNDRY

We cater for all your laundry needs including. Carpets Curtains General Laundry Quilts

vice r e g S lable n i Iron o Avai als

SPECIAL OFFER

Quilts King Size - 10€ Double - 10€ Single - 8€ Have your quilts cleaned ready for those cold winter nights.

Edif. El Saladito 2 BC 3. Urb, Riviera del Sol Mijas Costa. 29649

607 787 075 E-mail. soapoperalaundry@hotmail.com

Funny But True

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quite a struggle with the shoes, which were a little tight, the teacher finally got them on. “They’re on the wrong way round, Miss,” mumbled Marlon. She realises that he is right; they are on the wrong feet. Staying calm she and swaps them over for him. “They’re not my shoes, Miss,” Marlon murmurs again. The teacher fights hard to keep her cool and asks Marlon why he hadn’t told her before. She then kneels down again and helps him pull the shoes off. “These aren’t my shoes, they’re my brother’s and Mum told me not to tell anyone.” At this point the teacher can feel tears coming. She helps him back into his shoes. She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck. “Where are your gloves, Marlon?” asks the teacher quietly. “Oh, Miss, I always put them in my shoes!”

Fred Gibbs was in his late 60’s, retired and had started a second career in catering. However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 2, 3, 5 minutes late. However, he was a good worker, really clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Fred into the office for a talk. Fred, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top class job, but you’re being late so often is quite a worry.’ “Yes, I realise that, sir, and I am working on it.” replied Fred. “I’m pleased to hear that, you are a team player. It’s odd though, you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?” “They said, Good morning, Admiral”. Marlon asked the teacher to help him get his shoes on at the end of a busy day. After

SATELLITE INSTALLATIONS

SATELLITE, COMMUNITY, SURROUND SYSTEMS ETC. INSTALLED AND MAINTAINED T.V, VIDEO AND ELECTRONIC REPAIRS IN HOUSE. MOBILE PHONE SALES, SIMMS, TOP-UPS AND CALLING CARDS. WIRELESS INTERNET AND HOTSPOT

LET US TRY AND REPAIR IT FIRST REPAIRS TO ALL DIGIBOXES - SKY, SKY+ AND SKY HD. ALSO HARD DRIVE UPGRADES. DOUBLE YOUR SKY+ MEMORY www.reeceelectronics.tv

www.reeceelectronics.tv

LOCAL 10, DOÑA LOLA, OPP. EL ZOCO (CALAHONDA) TEL: 952 93 91 98 MOB: 607 383 578 EMAIL: reeceelectronics@yahoo.com

SKY DIGIBOX REPAIRS DON’T JUST BUY A NEW DIGIBOX

LOCAL 10, DOÑA LOLA, OPP. EL ZOCO (CALAHONDA) TEL: 952 93 91 98 MOB: 607 383 578 EMAIL: reeceelectronics@yahoo.com

Having difficulty sending & receiving mail? NEW OFFEX MAILPOINTS Christina’s. Local 6 - Edificio Torremar, Calle Marques de Larious, Sabinillas. Forget-Me-Not. Commercial Center La Colonia, (Next to McDonalds) San Pedro The Office, Terrazas del Puerto 5, Torreguadiaro, San Roque, Cadiz. Easy Computers, Calle Las Malvas (Next to Andalucia Plaza Hotel) Puerto Banus

To locate you nearest mail point please contact:Tel: 951 242 772 (09h00 -14h00) 676 502 347 (A/Hours) 202 Marbella Business Centre, Elviria, 29604 Email: marbella@offexspain.com

When you stop advertising the public forget about you or in some cases think

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1that you have ceased trading. 2If you have reduced your prices, how will anybody know? 3Let everybody know about your special offers or sale prices. Without doubt the businesses in your field that are still advertising are the ones 4who are getting the calls for your product or services. Even though there is a recession, there are still people around with a disposable 5income who are looking for your product or service, there are just fewer of them

Advertising Offers

Why should you advertise?

and that is why it is so important to make sure that they buy from you and not your competitors.

ADVERT SIZES WAS NOW FULL PAGE 200€ 100€ HALF PAGE 100€ 50€ QUARTER PAGE 50€ 35€ EIGHTH PAGE 25€ 20€ BUSTING PRICES FOR A LIMITED PERIOD CALL NOW: 663 061 669

Prices exclude I.V.A and are subject to conditions.

6 7i n6 186 499 fo@tyres-2-u.com

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;toys, costumes and lots lots more...â&#x20AC;? opposite Cafe del Centro

Head for the square you will find us there. Fernando Sanchez Drago 2 Estepona 29680 tel: 952 806 343

T he Jokes page

page

Did you hear about the new French tank? Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind. What should you do when you come across a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? – Grab some more sand and finish the job.

Officer: “I could care less who you know! You’re still getting a ticket!” Two cannibals are sitting around eating a clown. The first turns to the second and asks, “Does this food taste funny to you?!”

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What’s the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

What should you do when you see your husband staggering? Shoot him again.

What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist? A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

Husband: “everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger?” Wife: “I clean the toilet seat...” Husband: “how does it help” Wife: “I use your toothbrush!!!”

Husband: “after I leave, you won’t ever find another man like me!” Wife: “and why would I want another man like you?!” A police officer stops a man and asks him for his license. Officer: “it says that you need to be wearing glasses.” man: “well, I do have contacts.”

A Lad asks his Gran nervously, “have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?' Gran replies “f@#k your pills! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!” Young Son: “is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: “that happens in most countries, son.” Why was the name “P.M.S.” chosen? Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken... Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife “look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite!” Wife replies “yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse ...”

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Tel : 951 272 503 or 610 080 259 E-mail : eclipsespain@hotmail.co.uk

Miraflores, Riviera del Sol, 29649 Mijas Costa, Marbella, Spain. Established 10 years on the Coast.

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during November...

Leo

Virgo

Pisces

Something at or related to work willpique your interest and you will spenda lot of time working on that project.You have to be careful others donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find out about the project until it is successful. Be very careful regarding health matters,

Cancer

Aquarius

This will be a surprisingly good month for you, this will increaseyour self esteem and get you out of any depressive or sad thoughts. You will enjoy the company of someonenew during the month and spenda lot of time with them.

Libra

Aries

At the start of the month you have to worry about your reputation. Your ability to communicate clearly and concisely will be important around this time. At the end of the month you will notice changes and improvements in your job.

It is very important you are carefulthis month, both at home and work. Be very professional during the first few days of the month, patience is very important. You will have an average financial month.

Taurus

Gemini

The beginning of the month will be important because you may start a new project or job with a partner. By the middle of the month you will have achieved an important goal. As the end of the month approaches, slow down.

You must take care of yourself at the beginning of the month maketime for activities and hobbies. Focus more on a specific project and your odds of success will increase. End of the month you will have achieved your goal.

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You will have a big chance to workon some of your important dreamsthis month.You will be successfulon these projects and be happy asyou make progress.Focus Capricorn on the one project that is most important to you.

Scorpio

You will have more time for yourself and your creative hobbies. You will also be successful in your endeavours during the month to start another project, you will be helping a friend in need. You will be fine financially. Family is important at the beginning of the month. You will also meet new people who are interested in your ideas and new projects. You will be spending a lot of time indoors working, so you should exercise more.

You will go through some difficulttimes at the beginning of the month. You will have to stand up to insults, but this will boost your self esteem. You will be spending more time with groups of people and you feel better. Be careful about being tricked at the beginning of the month. It is a difficult time for you unless you are careful. During the month, you will achieve success at work and gain a lot of respect.

You will have an exceptionally good time during the month. Whatever happens, you'll be happy. That will prompt you to solve some of your problems. Sagittarius Make sure that you surpass at work,important people will be watching you.

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Cleaning

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Computer Repairs & Sales

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Fitness

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Calahonda offering, Aerobic 4 mums n Babies, Spin, Body Tone, Aerobox, Pilates, Yoga, K Boxing, dance & more! 637118 848 fitnessstudio@terra.es

Gardener 8 years in Spain, hedges and palms pruned & planted, turfing & fencing, tall trees a speciality. Properties tidied, monthly maintenance from 30€. Call Steve: 616 669 285

Glass Curtains RDMC Glass manufacturers and glass curtain and stainless steel specialists. Nave 16, Camino de Coin. Tel: 952 477 963

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Photography