Costa link magazine november 2013

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November November 2013 2013 No80 No80

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B usiness D irector y Business Directory W hat’s O nG uide What’s On Guide Puzzles & Quizzes Horoscopes LLocal o ocal Info Kids Page Jokes

The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

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A simple & inexpensive wayy property to pay your pr roperty operty tax (modelo 210) online! www.taxesonline.es www.taxesonline.es S EE P AGE 73

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Only how many days left until Christmas?!?!

Wow! Can you believe how warm it was in October? I guess we were making up for the late start to summer. I hope everyone enjoyed Halloween – it’s just a great excuse for dressing up however young or old you are!

Remember, remember, the 5th of November! We don’t see too many firework displays here, but if you garden is big enough………. Just don’t forget the baked potatoes! And speaking of remembering, it’s remembrance day – the eleventh of the eleventh at eleven am –or is that 12 here???

One more thing to remember, and don’t you just hate the first person to say it, before you know it Christmas will be upon us, if your business has a festive special or you have a bar or restaurant and want to publicise a Christmas or new year bash get in touch with us and we can help you get the word out in time.

Better sign off now – gotta get some sparklers!!!

Link!

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Guide

W ha t’ s On

Puzzles

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TH E JOKES PA GE

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Contact Us Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669 Email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com 62

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT ADVERTISING FROM THE FOLLOWING BUSINESSES OR INDIVIDUALS: wMATTHEW JAMES REMOVALS

wDONALD MOORE - PSYCHIC HEALER

wCLAUDE SEYFFERS - FINCA LA CAPUCINE, MIJAS

wFRENK KERENS - BICAR IMPORT/EXPORT SL, MIDOS 4

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 951 216 131

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A Woman’s World It’s all about us girls!

TAKE PART IN A NEW CHANNEL 4 SHOW...

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and four children each, for six weeks. Each child will play two different kinds of sport and also an extra music or dance class. As part of the rules you will have no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 children; keep his assigned house spotlessly clean, correct homework, complete science homework, cook, do the washing and ironing, etc. The men will only have access to television when the children are asleep and all housework etc. is done. Only one TV will be provided between them and there is no remote control. The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either whilst driving or while making four packed lunches.

They must attend weekly Parent Teacher Association meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a bag of dried pasta and an old shoe box; and for extra bonus points they must get a 4-year-old child to eat a serving of peas with a fork. The children vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins only if he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-37 years - eventually earning the right to be called “MUM”.

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HOT GOSS!

PRINCE WILLIAM THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE AND BABY GEORGE TO GO ON AUSTRALIAN TOUR NEXT YEAR.... Dates are yet to be confirmed. Dont’ worry though because she’ll have luscious locks she has already booked Sydney-based Joh Bailey, who tended to Princess Diana's hair when she was in the country in 1996, he has been enlisted to style Katherine's while she is Down Under. William will follow his Mum’s lead though as it was Diana who broke with tradition when she insisted nine-month-old William join her and Prince Charles in Australia in 1983. Before that, royal babies stayed at home while parents toured.

SIMON COWELL TO MARRY LAUREN SILVERMAN... Nice day for a high-waisted wedding…Simon Cowell is secretly planning a wedding with his baby mama – Lauren Silverman – to happen just months after she has their baby. Simon is desperate for his 87-year-old mum Julie to see him get hitched, so Lauren, 37, has agreed to a traditional church ceremony near Julie’s Sussex home early next year. And in a tribute to Simon’s late father, the couple are also considering giving their son the middle name Eric.

ANGELINA JOLIE - NEW BOOK... Angelina is reportedly going to do an autobiography on her life and talk about how she and Brad fell in love. But will she admit that they started their romance while he was still married to Jennifer Aniston?? Is Angelina Jolie about to tell all in her autobiography? The actress will reportedly get paid $30 million to reveal every little secret about her life, including the truth behind her relationship with Brad Pitt and how they fell in love. Angie is reportedly “ready” to tell the world the real story about her life. In the alleged book, she will reportedly talk about her mother, Marcheline Bertrand, father, Jon Voight, and the truth behind how she fell for Brad, according to VH1′s The Gossip Table.

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Your long term property rental specialists Tel: 951 190 490 Mob: 671 093 925 Website: www.costarents.com Email: info@costarents.com

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November 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/13 1:46 PM Page 11

Your long term property rental specialists Tel: 951 190 490 Mob: 671 093 925 Website: www.costarents.com Email: info@costarents.com

Riviera del Sol: 2 bed, 2 bath apartment. Riviera del Sol. Short walk to all amenities. €575 per month.

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HOT GOSS...

I'M A CELEBRITY... GET IN THERE! ITV DUO ANT & DEC DOUBLE THEIR EARNINGS BY £6 MILLION IN ONE YEAR... Their ITV deal has turned them into a mainstay on British television. But even by their own hugely successful standards, Geordie duo Ant & Dec has surpassed themselves by doubling their earnings over the last twelve months with a combined income of £12million.

The childhood pals set up individual business accounts in 2006 – with both thought to be worth an estimated £6million. That figure has been reached thanks to a string of lucrative presenting roles on Britain’s Got Talent, I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! and their own successful game show, Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway. The duo will soon be heading to Australia for the 13th series of I’m A Celeb this December.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN ACT? TV presenter Cat Deeley films her first major acting role... She left these shores to America some time ago now, finding fame as the host of prime time US TV show So You Think You Can Dance. Now TV Presenter Cat Deeley has landed her first big role in the world of acting. The Emmy-nominated host will star opposite Rise of the Planet of the Apes actor Tyler Labine on a brand new supernatural comedy called Deadbeat. Production on the show will begin this autumn, and will reach a worldwide audience in 2014.

MOVE OVER PARIS HILTON! CARA DELEVINGNE IS GOING TO BE A POP STAR! Cara Delevingne plans to launch a pop career. The 20-year-old, has been talking to top record company bosses and spends most of her spare time penning tracks for her debut album. She has told friends that she can’t wait to get on stage and show off her tunes. Music mogul, Simon Fuller, wanted to sign her up when she was a teenager but Storm models got their mitts on her first. Just stick to the day job Cara - you can sing but stick to modelling!

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THE BEST PET EVER A man goes into a pet shop and asks the owner for his advice he says he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The pet shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog, REALLY?" The owner replies, "How about a cat then?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Please clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the pots, dishes, knives and forks have been washed, dried, and put away the worksurfaces cleaned even the floor was sparkling and spotless. As you can imagine he's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Please go and clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner shop and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can't imagine what could have happened.

Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey waht’s going on!!! I sent you down to the corner shop 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!"

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Detective Chen Lee

A man WAS GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP BUT suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

MOST HONORABLE SIR: YOU LEAVE HOUSE I WATCH HOUSE HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE. NO FEE,

CHEN LEE.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Is 3 star brandy classed as ‘very good’, ‘average’ or ‘inferior’?

2) What did an Easyjet plane going to Bristol from Malaga forget last month?

3) What is the International vehicle registration letter(s) for Germany?

4) Who played the character of Danny Ocean in the films Oceans 11, 12 & 13?

5) What number is represented in Roman Numerals by the letter ‘D’?

6) Which Elvis had a hit with ‘Oliver’s Army’?

7) What is the term used to describe a plant that has been crossed with different species?

8) Who was the 1st manager to twice win the English soccer double?

9)Which David was in Open all Hours?

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10) Which word can go before ‘house’ and after ‘home’ to create 2 new words?

11) In which country is Marrakesh?

12) Moving clockwise on a dartboard, which number follows 19?

13) Bradley Wiggins is famous for which sport?

14) Who was the last British Governor of Hong Kong?

15) In which continent is Mount McKinley?

16) What do ‘polled’ cattle not have?

17) On a World War II battleship, what was a ‘Mae West’?

18) What type of creature is a ‘Queen Alexandra’s Bird Wing’?

19) Who played Dame Nellie Melba in the forth season of Downton Abbey?

20) With which country do you

associate the ‘Chorizo’ sausage?

21)What expense became compulsory on UK cars in 1921?

22)What is a butterfly larvae more commonly known as?

23) How many laps are there in a normal speedway race – 3, 4 or 5?

24)What did Adam not have that every other man does have?

25) What does the chemical symbol ‘C’ represent?

26) Which fruit is a ‘Laxton Superb’?

27) Who sang the hit song ‘Every Loser Wins’?

28) Which French phrase means ‘ road closed at one end’?

29) Which vehicle did J C Bamford give his name to?

30) ‘Red anger’ is an anagram of which job?

Answers on page 77

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November 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/13 1:47 PM Page 23

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Having a Blonde Moment...

WHAT IS 710???

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its bonnet up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

The mechanic fainted.

If you're not sure what a 710 is look on page 26‌

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con’ t

Having a Blonde Moment...

Geography: Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking... and one blonde says to the other: “Which do you think is farther away...

Florida or the moon? “The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?”

Blonde on the sun: A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Blonde said, “So what? We’ re going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We’ re not stupid, you know. We’ re going at night!”

Speeding ticket: A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

Answer to page 22 WHAT IS 710???

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Stocking only the very best in ladies fashion including leading quality designer labels Sizes from 10 to 20

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HOW TO BE A MAN…...

A Man’s World

HOW TO WIN A WAR: Never retreat, unless it’s a tug of war, in which case retreat like hell.

HOW TO ASSEMBLE FURNITURE: In no situation will a man read the instructions. If it doesn’t work using the tiny Allen key then try the big hammer.

HOW TO CHOOSE A DOG: A man’s best friend should never be smaller than a cat. Dogs should be named after boxers, action heroes or a heroic dog that died.

HOW TO WEAR A CARDIGAN: I know what you’re thinking; Men don’t wear cardigans.

Think again… Named after the Earl of Cardigan who led the Charge of the Light Brigade at the Battle of Balaclava and later adopted by fishermen, cardigans are the most badass of all knitwear. So how to wear them? With manly pride, that’s how.

HOW TO TIE A TIE: At work: around your neck. Past 10pm at a wedding: around your head.

HOW TO CUT YOUR HAIR: At a barber, not a salon, the closest a man should be to a salon is a saloon bar. Just ask for a haircut, he’ll know what to do, if he starts with a head massage it’s time to leave – no matter how good it feels.

HOW TO STAY IN SHAPE: You shouldn’t have to to. A man’s lifestyle is workout enough, take-watching TV – how many times did you lean forward to grab a snack? That’s 100 situps right there my man.

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Health & Well Being

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YOGA:

it's never too late to reap the benefits.....

Yoga can help fight stiffness, hardening of the arteries, hormonal fluctuations, depression and loss of bone density.

Some yoga styles are intense and vigorous, and others are relaxing and meditative. Regardless of which type you choose, yoga is an excellent way to stretch and strengthen your body, focus your mind, and relax your spirit.

There are many branches of yoga, a 5,000-yearold discipline from India developed as a practice to unite the mind and body. All hatha yoga styles can help balance your body, mind, and spirit, but they achieve it in various ways.

For example, the different styles of physical or hatha yoga differ in how poses or asanas are done and whether they focus more on mastering and holding the posture, strict alignment, breathing, or the flow of movement.

But no style is better than another; it’s a matter of personal preference. If you’ve never done yoga, here are a few good reasons to give it a try.

1. Increase your flexibility and reduce risk for injury. Each yoga pose targets specific muscles, thereby increasing flexibility and reducing the risk for injury in your activities.

If you’re just getting started in yoga, be sure your teacher knows about any injuries or health conditions you have and is aware and knowledgeable enough to advise you of any positions you should avoid.

2. Reduce stress. Yoga can help soothe the mind and lower stress levels by focusing the mind on the moment and the movements rather than on external distractions.

3. Increase your awareness and concentration. A primary component of yoga is rhythmic, focused breathing.

4. Understand the mind/body connection better.

Yoga requires you to focus all your energies on performing each movement or pose precisely.

This benefits both the mind and body and teaches you to integrate the two.

5. Gain strength and stamina. More vigorous styles of yoga, such as Vinyasa and Ashtanga, promote strength and stamina as well as flexibility and relaxation.

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Medical Tips

OSTEOPATHY

A holistic manual therapy with many benefits

Osteopathy is a holistic therapy based on the concept that the body can formulate its own remedies against diseases when it is in a normal structural relationship, has a normal environment and enjoys good nutrition.

Any disturbance or trauma experienced by the body will sooner or later cause disorders or dysfunctions resulting in restriction of its correct movement thus aches, pains and discomfort.

The great variety of gentle manual manipulations used in Osteopathy address all the body´s structures, such as bones, joints, connective tissue, inner organs, muscles etc. These manipulations are based on a solid knowledge of the human anatomy and medicine and are applied after establishing a personalized osteopathic diagnosis of each case, taking in consideration the patient´s very individual medical history.

A symptom is just a symptom, nevertheless every case is different, the same symptom in two people does not mean that the cause that provoked the symptom is the same, Osteopathy´s main issue is to search for this very particular cause in order to re-establish the body´s physiology, balance and the correct interactions of all the structures involved.

Osteopathy is a therapy recommended to patients of all ages. Very effective for children and new born babies too, as later body dysfunctions can be avoided by balancing all structures whilst a baby is growing.

A regular visit with your Osteopath will help you to maintain your body in a healthy and balanced state.

Osteopathy is recommended for any kind of pain and disorders such as Sciatica, lumbar pain, joint pain, restriction in movement of any kind, sports injuries, neck and back pain, IBS, digestive, urinary and genital dysfuntions, migrane, headaches, stress, anxiety, depression etc.

Brigitte Reters, is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and a trained Osteopath who specialises in all three schools of osteopathy: STRUCTURAL - VISCERAL - SACROCRANEAL . For more information on Brigitte or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76

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Doctor, Doctor!

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, make him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with housework. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied.

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TOP 10 facts about

DREAMS

1. In the course of his speech calling for an end to racism, Martin Luther King used the phrase “I have a dream� seven times.

2. The word 'dream' comes from an Old English word meaning 'mirth', 'joy', 'noise' or 'music'.

3. The original meaning of 'nightmare' was 'a spirit of a hag on a horse that stifled the sleeping'.

4. The adjectives that most frequently precede the words 'dream' or ‘dreams’ are 'bad’ and ‘wildest’.

5. In an average lifetime, we are estimated to spend between 5 and 6 years dreaming.

6. The three most commonly reported emotions experienced in dreams are anger, sadness and fear.

7. ‘Dreamt’ and ‘undreamt’ are the only common words in the Oxford Dictionary ending in -mt. The only other such word is ‘crommt’ (made crooked).

8. A Midsummer Night’s Dream has fewer speeches (which may range from one word to a long soliloquy) than any other Shakespeare play.

9. Sewing machine inventor Elias Howe said he got the idea for the sewing machine needle from dreams of cannibals chasing him with spears.

10. “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them,� (Walt Disney).

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BOE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS B OE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS tt 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO TTQFDJmD OFFET QFDJmD OFFET tt 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF tt 0SUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 0SSUUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO Established on the Costa del Sol since 2001 tt 3FTQJUF $BSF 3FTQJUF $BSF TTelephone: elephone: 952 835 776 tt %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT 24 Hour Helpline: 667 733 520 tt (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF tt &TDPSUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF &TDPSSUUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF www.medicarenursingservices.com www.medicarenursingservices.com Q Quality uality iinn eevery very aaspect spect ooff ccare are aass w well ell aass ssupport upport iinn ttimes imes ooff nneed! eed! info@medicarenursingservices.com info@medicarenursingservices.com

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The tale of the lady marine

A teacher gave her 5th year class some homework: It was to ask their parents to tell them a story then give the moral of that story at the end. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the usual stories: about spilt milk, lost money etc.

But then the teacher got round to Jane’s story….

Jane, do you have a story to share? ''Yes miss” she said. My Daddy told me a story about my Mummy.

She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got shot down. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a small hand pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. ''Good Heavens”, said the horrified teacher.

“What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

"Stay away from Mummy when she's been drinking."

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What’s in a name?!

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Gaylord and Gladiator are two words that are not often spoken together, but in 1955-57 The Gaylord Gladiator was designed to compete with the Best cars in the world and you can see inspirations from Rolls Royce and Corvette, After it’s unveilling in Paris, 25 orders were need to get the car into production – but they didn’t come in and there car was stillborn.

The rather appropriately named AMC Gremlin was a huge success in American between 1970 and 1978 – Well it was the 70’s!!!

Toyota produced The Deliboy between 1989 and 1995, they gave the van the name to conjure and image of a young and agile drive – the one in this picture looks more like it should be called the Del-Boy! You might remember the Suzuki Cappuccino – a car with a pretty silly name, but how about The Suzuki Alto Afternoon Tea? This was produced for a whole six months in 1990- 1991

Long Before Mini Made the Clubman and Hyundai mad the Veloster, Mitsubishi were producing the Minica, nothing unusal here, until they made a version with two doors on one side and one on the other and called it …… The Lettuce

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TOP 10 facts about

CURRY

1. The word curry comes from a Tamil word kari or karil, meaning spices or sautéed vegetables.

2. The meaning changed when Portuguese traders used it for the sauces with which rice was served.

3. The British army in India further changed the meaning as its liking for hot sauces introduced the modern idea of curries being hot.

4. There are more curry houses in London than in Mumbai. The first curry house in England was opened by Shaykh Din Mahomet in 1810.

5. The first curry recipe in English appeared in Hannah Glasse’s The Art Of Cookery in 1747.

6. In 2008, Bath and North East Somerset Council advised a man to sprinkle curry powder on his wife's grave to keep squirrels and deer away.

7. The town of North Curry is in Somerset while West Curry is in Cornwall.

8. There are about 10,000 Indian restaurants serving curry in the UK, the vast majority of which are run by people from Bangladesh, not India.

9. In 1846, William Makepeace Thackeray wrote A Poem To Curry, as part of his Kitchen Melodies...

10. ...It is a recipe for veal curry prepared by ‘my darling girl’ described as ‘a dish for Emperors’.

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time.

Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with?

Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

November 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/13 1:51 PM Page 50

SIMPLE MATHS ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + STUPID woman = affair STUPID man + smart woman = marriage STUPID man + STUPID woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + STUPID employee = production STUPID boss + smart employee = promotion STUPID boss + STUPID employee = overtime SHOPPING MATHs A man will pay €2 for a €1 item he needs.

A woman will pay €1 for a €2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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A

Toddlers Rules of Possession

1) If I like it, it’s mine.

2) If it’s in my hand it’s mine.

3) If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

4) If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

5) If it’s mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.

6) If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7) If I saw it first, it’s mine.

8) If it looks like mine, it is mine.

9) If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10) If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at 52

www.marblefloor.info

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ATM INSTRUCTIONS

3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents to locate card.

5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN. After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" proce12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. dures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate 13. Enter amount of cash required. steps for your gender.'

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

MALE PROCEDURE: 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet, place cash inside.

2. Put down your car window.

17. Drive forward 2 feet.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 18. Reverse back to cash machine.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

19. Retrieve card.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

20. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card 6. Put window up. into the slot provided!

7. Drive off.

21. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

22. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE: 23. Re-dial person on mobile phone.

1. Drive up to cash machine.

24. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car win25. Release Hand Brake. dow with the machine.

A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their cars. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

54

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

CLMŠ2008

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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TOP 10 JOKES from the edinburgh fringe festival 1) Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

2) Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

3) Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter."

4) Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'."

5) Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."

6) Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men."

7) Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost."

8) Alfie Moore: "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same."

9) Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance."

10) Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."

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Strangebuttrue...

SEA MONSTERS ARE EATING SOMALIAN PIRATES

Piracy off the coast of Somalia has been a threat to international shipping since the second phase of the Somali Civil War in the early 21st century. Since 2005, many international organizations, including the International Maritime Organization and the World Food Programme, have expressed concern over the rise in acts of piracy. But recently there have been reports of Somali Pirates off the coast of the Horn of Africa are going missing. Many news sources over look this story but Somali pirates are disappearing, or to say when they set sail, not all of them return. Tales of ghastly evil creatures lurking below devouring their boats have become more frequent.

Some reports state that the pirates are using ammo too quickly, which is angering the creatures and causing the pirates to be attacked. Some reports state that perhaps it’s a submarine of pirates attacking the fellow gangs, but more likely it’s a living-breathing squid like giant sea serpent monster that lurks in the ocean below. Even the Somali Pirates are scared of the unknown they are starting to be frightened to lean over the edge of their boats just incase they cannot kill the bizarre beast! Underwater submarines have been sent in but won’t tell the general public what’s down in the deepest darkest depths of the sea. Maybe it’s all rumours to act as a perfect Somali Pirate deterrent who knows….?

Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

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November 2013 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/23/13 2:56 PM Page 60 Make the most of autumn's harvest with these warming, seasonal soups

auTumn veg soup Ingredients:

Method:

1) Put the vegetables into a large saucepan with 1 leek, 2 carrots & 1 garlic clove finely chopped the garlic, rosemary, stock and sugar. Season well, 1 potato, chopped quite small stir, bring to a simmer and cover. Cook gently for 1 tbsp fresh rosemary & 3 tbsp chopped fresh parsley 15 minutes or until the vegetables are just tender. ½ tsp sugar 2) Preheat the grill to high. Whizz the tomatoes in a 410g can chickpeas, drained and rinsed food processor or blender until smooth, then tip into the vegetables with the chickpeas and pars2 x 400g cans chopped Italian tomatoes ley. Gently heat through, stirring now and then.

425ml/¾ pint vegetable stock 3) For the toasts: rub both sides of the bread with For the toasts: 8 slices of baguette the garlic. Grill on one side until golden, turn the 1 garlic clove, cut in half bread over, cover with edam and grill until it’s bub50g edam, finely grated bling. Serve at once with the piping hot soup.

Thai pumpkin soup

Ingredients:

1½ kg pumpkin or squash, peeled & roughly chopped 4 tsp sunflower oil 1 onion, sliced 1 tbsp grated ginger 1 lemongrass, bashed a little 3-4 tbsp Thai red curry paste 400ml can coconut milk 850ml vegetable stock lime juice and sugar, for seasoning 1 red chilli, sliced, to serve (optional)

Method:

1) Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Toss the pumpkin or squash in a roasting tin with half the oil and seasoning, then roast for 30 mins until golden and tender. 2) Meanwhile, put the remaining oil in a pan with the onion, ginger and lemongrass. Gently cook for 8-10 mins until softened. Stir in the curry paste for 1 min, followed by the roasted pumpkin, all but 3 tbsp of the coconut milk and the stock. Bring to a simmer, cook for 5 mins, then fish out the lemongrass.

Then whizz until smooth with a hand blender, or in a large blender in batches. Return to the pan to heat through, seasoning with salt, pepper, lime juice and sugar, if it needs it. Serve drizzled with the remaining coconut milk and scattered with chilli, if you like.

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666 089 427

private buyer

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What’Guide s On

Until 3rd November: 3rd Fantasy Film Festival will take place at the Palacio de Congresos y Exposiciones, Torremolinos.The festival, focusing on fantasy film, has earned itself a place on the calendar of the Spanish film industry, its films reaching other European countries and even echoing in Asia, Africa or the Americas. Short films from as many as nine different countries will be screened.

2nd November: Boogie Nights Quiz and Disco: Club La Naranja, Calle Malaga, Calahonda. Registration 7.30pm Quiz €’s and includes Quiz (with prizes), Disco till late.Teams of up to 4 can register by email to disco@costadeldisco.com 2nd to 5th November: Valle Romano Golf, in Estepona, will be hosting the second qualifying round of the European Tour. Two days prior to the tournament, the players will be in training, and on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th, they will be battling it out in the second qualifying round for the European Tour for more info call 34 952 80 00 45.

11th November: The Feast of San Martin, also known as Día de San Martin or La Matanza (literally The Killing), takes place every year on November 11th. This celebration involves the slaughtering of pigs so that they are dried to make ham, black pudding and sausage to sustain the villagers throughout the winter. This holiday takes place in the villages and mountainous areas of Andalusia.

19th November: Estepona Floral Art Club from 3.15pm to 5pm at Tikitano’s Beach and Restaurant, Estepona. The demonstrator will be Muriel Simpson from Lancashire.

23rd & 24th November: TAPAS Choir Perform German Xmas Fair: At Marbella Golf & Country Club - Box Office - 635 293 714.

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, nr Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771.

Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Age Care’s Advice Centre, Doña Lola, Calahonda, Mijas Costa Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Click here for more details.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Thursday: Flea Market (Secondhand and Crafts) from 09.00 - 14.00 next to Aldi Supermarket in Las Lagunas, plenty of free parking.

Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.

Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo de Marbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00.

Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

64

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Consulates

Transport

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Cinemas

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

1st November 2013 All Saints Day (Public Holiday) 6th November 2013 Constitution Day

28th November 2013 Thanks Giving

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during November.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 68

Capricorn, Venus will enter your sign on November 5th and stay for four months, meaning until March 5th 2014. Venus is the planet of love will bring remarkable events all around you. With a bird's-eye view, this four-month period will bring Capricorn people some extra emotion and sensuality and will open the gate to love. People often fall in love under such transits, but there are also cases in which the transit only prepares the field, and love comes a few months later. On the work and career front the chances for success will be high, and opportunities will (obviously) come through other people: friends, partners, acquaintances, etc. You'll have the tendency of being over preoccupied with others' problems. Make more time for yourself! At the end of November 2013 you'll nevertheless have a clear picture and you'll probably make a carefully considered decision.

Aquarius, you'll go through a less exuberant month. It's as if you have been forced to face some constraints, as if you couldn't go where your heart wants to be. If you are in a solid relationship, it's possible that obstacles will be thrown at you from all angles. No matter the situation, think carefully about the reasons for the frustration: could it be that you wish for too much? Aren't you aiming too high? The atmosphere will become more relaxed in the last weeks of November 2013. Professionally speaking, things will go quite well. You'll probably have to take an important decision towards the end of November 2013, but you'll have all the information necessary for taking a good decision.Pay your bills on time and don't take rash financial decisions! You'll need a balanced lifestyle this month. Eat fresh food and drink lots of water, also try and relax when you can.

Pisces, you'll definitely have a lot of action in this month! As if it wasn't enough that the great and enthusiast Jupiter is in your sign (June 2013 - July 2014), Mars has also joined the party! Jupiter will urge you to adventure, will make the opposite sex literally drop at your feet. It'll urge you to take the first step, to openly state what you feel, to do things you probably wouldn't have dared to do before. The position will be excellent for new relationships to begin. At work by the end of the month, some aspects related to studies or maybe a trip will be clarified. Success will start to show, and the greatest accomplishments will come in the last. November 2013 you'll really have a fighter's qualities. Mars will sharpen the combative spirit and will dare you to compete. Try to be patient with others though and pay more attention to communication!

Aries, Venus, will start a forward-backward-stepped dance in November 2013 that will last until March 2014. The dance will take place in the highest and most visible sector of the horoscope, in Aries' house of status, of fame and career, under the intense eyes of Pluto. In conclusion, there will follow a fourmonth period in which love will be the center of attention or in which relationships will be connected to career or to somebody who has a high social status or who can help you advance. The interval will bring dramas, but under no circumstances will it pass without significant events. Work will be busy and dynamic. Mars will bring intense activity and, sometimes, competition, conflicts or other work-related incidents.

There will be solutions and there might also be significant financial earnings to be made as well, but the risk and the stress will be high. Don't jump into making quick decisions!

Taurus, November 2013 will unfold in a similar way to the previous month. Mercury will continue its winding road through Taurus' house of couples, inviting changes and decisions to be made. On November 10th Mercury will appear and bring clarification and conclusions to these questions. In any relationships you will now know what you want and what you have to do. Your Love life will now feel the thrill of passion and the lust for adventure will be around you. Venus, will start its cycle of retrograde movement, when it will stay in Capricorn between November 5th and March 5th 2014. This prolonged stay will be significant as regards studies, contacts with the scientific or cultural environments. It could also bring business or pleasure trips, and make you consider some distance-collaboration or collaboration with foreign people. Beware of the communication with the people around you this month!

Gemini, the past months have brought material issues on the home front these issues will last until March 2014. The most common scenario will be you and your partner initiating a large-scale financial operation such as the purchase of property. Or maybe a joint project you will get involved in with a lot of money to be managed. Anyway, it is certain that relationships will not be related to romance; on the contrary, they will be all about business. Even the assessment of potential new romantic partners will take place through the point of view of the financial status. As regards work and career, you'll still have a fight on your hands. Throughout the month the situation will stabilize but may take long talks and a lot of meetings. Try to take it easy and relax this month make the most of your free time.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, an important phase will begin this month: Venus will stay in Cancer's house of relationships for four months, from November 5th to March 5th 2014. The phenomenon will bring change within your relationships. In such periods relationships may break up, your living arrangements with partners will be thoroughly looked into the strengths and weaknesses will be evaluated any malfunctions spotted. This also usually brings along great thirst for love and it's not by chance that during such cycles a lot of people fall in love. If you are single this is a great time to find a new partner. Professionally, everything should be all right: your career will be energized by you’ll have a lot of strength you can rely on the enterprising spirit, on persuasion, on the sharpness of the mind - and on a bit of good luck! Don't rush into decisions this month!

Leo, your relationships could undergo a troubled period this month marked by misunderstandings regarding the family or properties. Another cause for a few niggles could be a discussion badly. The Sun eclipse on November 3rd will bring some clarification though. At the same time, though, Venus, the planet of love, will start an interesting game in your sign from the 5th of November 2013, this will last until March 2014. The configuration could have several meanings. One of them connects love to work and could be translated by the birth of a love story in the workplace. There will start a period that will emphasize the use of talents and work relationships. In November 2013 Leos will have a special preoccupation for investments and property. However, beware: keep an eye on the pennies this month as you will be good at spending money at the fast pace. Look to the future with optimism!

Virgo, on the love front this is a great time for you. Mars, the promoter of desires and passion, will have been in your star sign since the middle of October and will stay there until December 7th 2013.

And Venus, the planet of love will be pinging hearts and flowers at you on November 5th 2013. With such an planetary configuration, there's nothing else to do but enjoy love! You will be very likely to fall in love; however, the current relationship might provide satisfactions as well. If you don't have a relationship, keep trying and you will! At work and on the money front November 2013 will be an active month, and promises many accomplishments. With Mars in Virgo, you'll have a lot of energy you’ll work fast and you'll get results. Money will not steer clear of you. In November 2013 you'll attract funds very easily and receive assets that you're entitled to. Don’t rush, be careful about communications!

Libra, your love life will go through a more discreet period this month. Venus will demand privacy you will be preoccupied with the family and household. You'll probably take part in a family event or you’ll have guests to stay. Mars in your sign may bring you a period in which arguments at home might brew you may be worried or feel, loneliness or disappointment. Don’t worry this will soon pass. As far as your career goes things will move on and will go very well. Jupiter will see that you are offered favorable circumstances maybe even fame or prestige. You'll be very preoccupied with money-related issues re-calculate and then start again then financially things will become clear in November 2013 you might experience some inner restlessness or find it hard to relax. Take as much time off as you can or have a short break. Watch your back this month! Be careful this month someone is not a great, as they seem.

Scorpio, you like intensity and you'll have it. Venus and Pluto will be setting off all sorts of strong feelings and desires; they will be making you prone to possessiveness maybe even jealousy or obsession and making you take radical actions. That sounds very familiar, doesn't it? At the same time, Venus may be behind unexpected messages. Expect travel plans to arrive this month maybe a secret trip planned by a loved one. If you are single the person you'll be interested in might have intellectual preoccupations or could be somebody from your close group of friends or work colleges. The Sun in Scorpio will intensify your desire to shine on the work front, to impose, to climb the ladder. It will not be easy, but at the end of the effort success will be reached. Be careful what you promise and what comments you make about other people this month!

Sagittarius, your love life will experience less enthusiastic moments this month. Saturn in your sign may bring with it a tendency to worry or be disappointed. You may feel that others don’t understand you communication will be incomplete, faulty, maybe even absent. It is also possible that your partner will have problems that will definitely take their toll on you, as well. The situation will come back to normal step by step, but you'll have to have patience and particularly keep your confidence and optimism. At work November 2013 will be a very active month, in which you can advance a great deal. You'll have clearlydefined objectives, for whose achievement you'll fight courageously. Work will be profitable throughout the whole month and you'll be able to make good money. Relax mentally and physically and more than anything think positively!

Puzzle It Out

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Crossword

Solutions on page 77 Across: 7. South Park character (7) 9. Cognisant (5) 10. Vestment worn by priests (3) 11. From Montevideo perhaps? (9) 12. Mess up (5) 14. Emitting a smell (7) 16. Ban on trade (7) 18. Small column or pillar (5) 19. Type of biscuit (9) 20. Large flightless bird (3) 21. White of an egg (5) 22. Vegetables battered and deep-fried (7)

Down: 1. Word game (8) 2. Dull (4) 3. Attack from hiding (6) 4. Capital of Mozambique (6) 5. Male singing voice (8) 6. Cruel (4) 8. One who diagnoses and treats disorders of the nervous system (11) 13. Sled (8) 15. Kitchen utensil (8) 17. Place to stay on holiday (6) 18. Warm and humid (6) 19. Canines (4) 20. Small ornamental bag (4)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

HAVING A BATH...

My bath has two taps and a plug hole.

The cold tap on its own fills the bath in 18 minutes, the hot one in 15 minutes.

The plug hole can drain the bath in 10 minutes with the taps off.

How long will the bath take to fill if I leave both taps on with the plug left out?

Say What You See...

nuh nuh SALAD 70

poFISHnd

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FINANCIAL NEWS

World stock markets are at a five year high...Yes you read it correctly markets had not seen these levels since before the collapse of Lehman Brothers. The activity stemmed from a pick up in Chinese growth and predictions that the USA will not slow its stimulus programme. This is certainly a different headline from last week when the news and fear was all about the states and its debt ceiling.

Across the Eurozone Greece again is in the news with their Finance Minister suggesting to the Troika audit team that Greece cannot find the additional 2billion euros in cuts next year. In fairness they have been hit with substantial cuts over the years. On a slightly brighter note however for Greece we hear that the tourism sector received quite a boost with August figures indicating that revenue from this sector increased by around 12.4% which overall means they have seen an increase of around 8.7 billion euros so far this year. In Germany as it decides on the coalition government we may find that a new Finance Minister will be appointed as the SPD party are pushing hard to have a bigger say. Positive news for the Eurozone also came from an agreement between Canada and the EU who have agreed a free trade deal and will be worth around 26 billion euros.

The UK also strikes a positive note with Mr Cameron saying Hinckley Point will create 25000 jobs, add this to the retail sales figures released for September showing a rise or .6% aided by a

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recovery in furniture sales then you can start believing the road to recovery is well and truly trodden. The housing sector in certain areas is a cause for concern as Rightmove tell us that month on month in the London area we are seeing 10% increases however across the UK the average is 2.8%. Not untypically certain areas are not experiencing this type of growth and in Wales, the North West and the North the market has lost ground. What will have an impact upon people’s pockets is the recent 9.2% increase in energy prices. Have they not heard of inflation, which is running at only 2.7%!!!

In the USA at last both parties agreed a way forward and almost all government employees who had previously been sent home have returned to work and the temporary increase in the debt ceiling will only delay further political disagreement. The dollar has taken a knock and did fall to multi month lows against the euro and is dragging its heels against the pound. The Federal Reserve will probably continue to support its currency by delaying the tapering programme.

If you would like further information please contact Moneycorp on 952 587 657 and quote Costa Link Magazine

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"

And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean 200€?"

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

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.... A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet?

Your toes look all mangled and weird. "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants; his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess. Smallcox!”

Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the police pulled in behind him lights and sirens going. Figuring he could just lose the copper he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, and still the police were right on his tail. 170, 180, still he could not lose the police car. Giving up he pulled over. The officer approached the car,” Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen” “Well, he stated, “Just last week my wife ran off with a police man.” “So What!!!” the copper screamed. “Well, I thought you were trying to bring her back.”

HAPPY MOVEMBER keep ‘ em growing!

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 70

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See 1. Tuna Salad 2. Big Fish in a Small Pond

Brain Teaser

Answer: 45 minutes.

In 24 hours: the cold tap could fill 80 baths the hot tap could fill 96 baths the plug could drain 144 baths Therefore, in 24 hours, we have 80 + 96 - 144 baths full = 32 baths.

Therefore each bath would take 45 minutes to fill.

Trivia Quiz Answers

1) Very Good 2) 29 of it’s Passengers 3) D 4) George Clooney 5) 500 6) Costello 7) Hybrid 8) Alex Ferguson 9) David Jason 10) Work 11) Morocco 12) 7 13) Road & track racing cyclist 14) Chris Patton 15) America 16) Horns 17) Life Jacket 18) Butterfly 19) Dame Kiri Te Kanawa 20) Spain 21) Car Tax 22) Caterpillar 23) 4 24) Belly Button / Navel 25) Carbon 26) 9 27) Nick Berry 28) Cul De Sac 29) JCB Digger 30) Gardener

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