Costa Link Magazine December 2011

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As another year goes whizzing by, we are all feeling a bit older and none the wiser! How quickly this year has shot by - there have been a number of ups and downs throughout the year – Two royal weddings, the killing of Bin Laden and Gaddafi, the sad passing of many well known people including Amy Winehouse and the one man who changed the world in so many ways – Steve Jobs.

And for the first time the world population has exceeded 7 billion people – I think most of them holidayed in the Costa del Sol this summer judging by the lack of parking!

I really love this time of year, everyone is happy and enjoying the festive season, the shops are packed and carols are playing everywhere, the kids are looking forward to Father Christmas bring them the latest ipad, ps3, xbox game or a new mobile phone, when I was a kid I got a kaleidoscope and a chocolate orange – how times have changed!! Don’t forget to book your Christmas and New Year celebrations nice and early to avoid missing out and it just leaves me to say “Enjoy the turkey and mince pies and have drink to 2012”.....

Merry Christmas!

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Kids Section 88

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Contact Us Call: 663 061 669 Email:sales@costalinkmagazine.com Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2011.

COST CO THEE O ONLY THEE COSTA SOL ONLINE DDIRECTORY ON TH STAA DEL DEL S FOR CCHILDREN FO TH NLY ONLINE ND FAMILIES IRECTORY ON FAMILIES FA OL FOR HILDREN AAND

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A W o m a n’ s W o r l d Jennifer’s wedding....

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it. Her mother just smiled and ong! er!

Ding-toD ing fill replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the k c ly s r ea n A rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'

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& Hello

Hot Goss !

.. . e y b Good Hello to Hardman actor Jamie Foreman he’s arrived as

Derek Branning’s younger brother Max, played by Jake Wood, returns to Walford at the same time. He left in August after his affair with his ex-wife was exposed.

Foreman, who specialises in tough-guy roles, is the son of genuine East End villain Freddie Foreman, an old associate of the Krays. The actor, who has dated Patsy Kensit, has starred in Roman Polanski's Oliver Twist as well as Nil By Mouth and Gangster No 1.

Goodbye Pat. Eastenders fans will be weeping into their turkey as Pat dies alone of cancer this Christmas. She’ll get a horse-drawn hearse as part of a traditional Cockney send-off in her spectacular funeral. The coffin of the soap veteran played by Pam St Clement, 69 is taken to its final resting place in style after she succumbs to cancer.

Black-plumed horses are seen pulling the carriage with "Pat" spelt out in flowers in tearful scenes filmed in London for the harrowing Christmas storyline. Pat's sons David and Simon Wicks alias Michael French and Nick Berry have been lined up to return to Albert Square to see off their old mum. The battleaxe one of Walford's best-known characters for 25 years breaks the grim news that she is terminally ill to pals in the Queen Vic. They are left stunned by the bombshell. Pat then passes away peacefully in bed.

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Hot Goss !

ce n a t s ssi Her daughters told her to do, most of the women on the a c i h planet thought she should do it, but apparently it took a psychic to c y Ps persuade Demi Moore to get rid of her rat of a husband. The actress

has always sought spiritual advice throughout her life, and the case of her divorce from Ashton Kutcher was no different. "Demi is very reliant on psychics," a friend told The Sun. "She listened when one insisted that to save her health she had to stop clinging to the hope of saving the marriage. Her three daughters had been telling her the same thing, but it was the psychic that tipped the balance." According to friends, Demi was surviving on little more than energy drinks as the strain of the cheating allegations took their toll. Another friend insists that the actress called time on her marriage because she wanted to set a good example to her daughters, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah. "She wants to set an example to her daughters and this was just something she could not rationalise to herself or them," the friend told Us Weekly. "She still loves Ashton, but feels he went too far and disrespected her and their marriage in a way that can't be taken back." As well as being comforted by her family and ex-hubby Bruce Willis, Demi has also been leaning on her famous pal Madonna for support. "Demi has been there for Madonna over the years and now it's Madonna's turn to be there for Demi. She has told her she will help her heal and take time out to guide her through this tough time," an insider told The Sun. Well, we suppose Madge does have experience in high-profile divorce. Now all that's left to do is for the couple to split up their marital home and other assets. We still feel very sad about all this - Demi and Ashton always seemed so happy...

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A turkey’s life.....

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop, Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, And he told me there was something that I had to know; His look and his tone I will always remember, When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November; "Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, "And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin; "And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head; "Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink; "And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing". Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat, And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked; I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola; And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes, I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes; I maintained my weight of t wo pounds and a half, And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed; But 't was I who was laughing, under my breath, As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death; And sure enough when Black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound; So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap; She held me today, while sewing and humming, And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."

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1) Who had his first solo number one hit in the UK with ‘I just called to say I love you’?

2) How many degrees in a right angle?

3) What was the name of the painter and decorator in the TV series ‘Brush Strokes’?

4) Ash Wednesday is the first day of what?

5) Which football club did Alex Ferguson leave to join Manchester United?

6) What is the square root of 9?

7) What music is traditionally played in the armed forces at ‘wake up’?

8) Where is Casablanca?

9) What colour is the book in ‘This is your Life’?

10) Which Sir Francis invented a scale for measuring wind velocity?

11) What is the name of Dot Cotton’s son in Eastenders?

12) Which BBC TV programme features sheep dog trials?

13) Which country is Sophia the capital of?

14) What was the first gameshow transmitted on Channel 4?

15) What is the name of the dog in ‘Punch & Judy’?

16) Whose children are called Lourdes &

Rocco?

17) How many signs of the zodiac are there?

18) Who laid the foundation stone for Coventry Cathedral?

19) What colour are traditional Victorian photographs?

20) Who played Moses in the film ‘The Ten Commandments’?

21) What 2 colours are most confused in colour blindness?

22) What is a Maris Piper?

23) Was Geoff Boycott left or right handed as a ‘batsman’?

24) Which is furthest south – Corsica or Sardinia?

25) Who wrote the book, the ‘Day of the Jackal’?

26) What is the BBC’s teletext service called?

27) Which word can go before the following to make 3 new words; Ground, Pedal and Water?

28) Which country does fictional detective Hercule Poirot originate from?

29) Which religious building featured on the Thames Television logo?

30) Which British car manufacturer produced the Zodiac car?

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TSinging heParrot....

ChrChristmas istmEve,asa frenzied .... young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.

"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet," was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ... " The shop owner thenheld another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was over whelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No,"the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!..."

The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night. Holy Night..."The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter bet ween his legs?"The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife.

So they held the lighter bet ween Chet's legs. Chet t wisted his face, cleared his throat, and sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life): "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

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top 5 beat the bulge, LBD (little black dress) tips Deck the halls – It’s party season! This year, it’s time to up the glam up at Diva with our Party Packages. (See advert below). You’ve had the spray tan advice, you’ve booked the package you desire, and your Christmas Party is just round the corner. So here are some tips to get you in that LBD (little black dress). So if you're sighing in despair at the thought of big tum and muffin tops, then read on and take our advice.

Avoid the bloat - Cutting out wheat, bread and yeast for one month could help you lose up to half a stone because they are common foods many are intolerant to. Food intolerance can cause inflammation, which can make your body swell and retain water (not fat). Intolerances can also make you bloated. Replace with wheat-free, yeast-free bread, sour dough breads, rye crackers and brown rice or wholegrain rice cakes.

Take an Epsom salt bath the night before your big do Epsom salts can help draw out unwanted toxins from your body through the skin. You will see a difference straight after your bath and your dress will be easier to slide into. Run a hot bath, add half a kilo of Epsom salts (ask for them at your chemist), then sit and sweat for 20-30 minutes while drinking plenty of water or herbal teas to help you detox further. Then go to bed and have a good sleep and drink loads of water in morning.

Support your digestion - Poor digestion can cause bloating and weight gain. You can support your digestion by avoiding liquids within 20 minutes of meals to avoid diluting your digestive juices, which help digest your food. And if your digestion is really bad then mix one tablespoon of good quality apple cider vinegar in water 20 minutes before main meals for one month to cleanse your system, stimulate your digestion and hopefully keep your stomach flat so you can get into your dress!

Get your sleep - It's much easier to stay slim or lose weight when you get enough sleep. Lack of sleep plays havoc with your hunger hormones which lead to uncontrollable eating and weight gain. Research also shows the longer we stay awake the more we eat! Another reason to get to bed on time as it will stop you snacking late into the night.

Don't stress - Keep on stressing and it might stop you getting into your party dress because stress can make you fat as your body lays down new fat stores around the middle to protect vital organs from a perceived attack. So combat stress with deep breathing to oxygenate your body. Avoid stress where possible and drink camomile tea to calm your mind. The B complex vitamins are great for stress and you can get these from your health food store and from whole grains like brown rice or rye bread. Or try Diva’s relaxing facials & massage, in luxurious surroundings a serene candle lit room we will help cleanse the mind and body!

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Press Release: Bah Humbug!

Christmas Downsizing Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: • The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

• The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

• The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

• The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

• The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors.

• The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

•The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

• As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EU. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

• Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

• Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work MP’s.

• Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.Regarding the lawsuit filed by the Law association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive.

Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

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Autumn - Winter collection now in

genius jeans Avda. del Mediterraneo 4, San Pedro de Alcรกntara (near Da Bruno Restaurant, opposite the Fishing Boat)

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I phoned a really.....gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the

other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together 20 years ago. I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge. "Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute. "Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" So I hung up...

A Man’s World

Unusual Funeral..... A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a lead.

Behind him a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man was so curious that he respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's." "What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law.

She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line.”

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It’s a Cracker.....

The president of the Festive Foods Corporation was included in a papal audience and he took the opportunity of making a business proposition to the Pope; that if he could arrange for the Lord's Prayer to be changed from “Give us this day our daily breadâ€? to “Give us this day our daily turkeyâ€? throughout the whole of Advent and Christmas the Festive Foods Corporation in exchange would give ÂŁ20 million to Catholic charities. The Pope declined his offer. A few weeks later the man called the Pope and upped the offer to ÂŁ50 million but once again it was turned down. A few weeks before the beginning of Advent the man came back to the Pope with an astonishing offer of ÂŁ100 million. The Pope considered all the good work that could be done with such a large amount of money and decided to go ahead. The next day he called a special meeting of the Cardinals to let them know about the situation. “Wellâ€? said the Pope. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we are to receive ÂŁ100 million. The bad news is that we have lost the Hovis account.â€?

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something ‘Christmassy’. The first man searches his pocket and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of knickers. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How on earth do these represent Christmas?� The third man answered “They’re Carol’s.�

} Sales } Sales }} Repairs epairs s Repair }} Accessories Accessor ccessories ies avd a vd fuengirola fuengirola edf parque play playa pla ya n2 local loc al n2 la cala cala de mijas 28

Tel: 606 70 23 89

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CHRISTMAS WAISTLINES!!

Now the festivities are coming, the waistlines will become bigger and the bank balance emptier, it won’t be just us humans that will need to shed some of the Christmas pudding calories after Christmas. Most pets are naturally active but over the winter months their activity will fall and they can gain weight, so they will also need some post Christmas attention.

An overweight pet is far more likely to have long-term health problems. If you think your pet is a little more “cuddly” than usual, the first thing you should do is call your vet for a thorough examination to check for medical conditions that may be causing the weight gain.

Dogs: Suffice to say a daily walk is the best idea as it benefits both pet and owner. In essence your dog’s weight reflects the balance between daily intakes of calories versus calories burnt by exercise. In a natural situation, a dog would spend the majority of its day hunting for food burning up calories. In a domestic situation, the only hunting you dog usually need to do is hunt for the food bowl! In essence, the more you exercise the more you can eat, or the way I look at it, a game of squash buys a pint of beer!

Cats: Cats suit our hectic lives, being more self sufficient, less time consuming and cheaper to care for. Unfortunately, this has resulted in cats becoming more couch potato-like than the predator they started out as. Grazing on the plentiful supply of food left out while we are at work only to clamber onto our laps when we come home from a hard day’s work.

They, like us, are only too happy to sit and snooze on the sofa in front of the TV. All that laziness, lack of exercise and excessive food intake will cause obesity - no different from us!

The simple answer is regular play. So plenty of cat toys for Christmas this year!!!!!

Have a wonderful Christmas & a Healthy Happy New Year from all the team at POSH PETS SPAIN. X

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Pet P et Relocation specialists to & from the UK, France Chauffeur driven, F rance & Spain. Chauff eur driv en, accompanied pets by land. Customised vvehicles ehicles ffor or your pets comfort safety. comf ort & saf ety.

For quotation contact F or a quot ation please cont act us: 0034 952 597 035 www.poshpetsspain.com www .poshpetsspain.com 30

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Dog Teeth Cleaning Brush, plaque removal & polish

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Respite Care do you need a break?

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•Community Mental Health team Mens Health Clinic (Includes PSA, Testicular examination) •Care Coordination Centre •Asthma Clinic •Diabetes Management •Vaccination Clinics

Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking.

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:01 AM Page 34

Medical Tips Osteopathy....

An Osteopath is able to feel Craniosacral rhythm. This rhythm represents the ensemble of all other rhythms of the human body (Cerebro-Spinal Fluid circulation, Central Nervous System activity, Respiration, etc…).

During the expression of this rhythm, a light movement of the bones of the head and the sacrum is perceptible by the Osteopath. In Osteopathy, this movement is called flexion and extension. It is felt at the level of the skull and must be symmetrical and connected with the sacrum, hence the name Craniosacral.

This movement and symmetry can be distorted by shocks to the body (falls, fractures, accidents), unbalancing the whole musculo-skeletal framework. So a tension received at the level of the skull or at the sacrum will reverberate along the vertebral column and affect its other extremity. This explains why someone can experience pain on the neck and shoulders after a fall on his sacrum in the past.

Also, when a person receives a physical shock during a fall or an accident, he will unconsciously adopt a compensatory posture to decrease the pain. This new postural adaptation will affect the natural equilibrium of the human body and will, later on, generate new tensions. For example, someone having injured the ligaments of his right knee will unintentionally favor that leg and use the left leg more, thus creating back pain.

What is happening there is that the body “remembers” there was an injury. The shock received will in general stay present within the nervous system creating a reflex with the brain that will make someone unconsciously shift his weight to the left. Until the Osteopath releases the shock received within the nervous system and then realigns the Craniosacral system, it is difficult for someone to regain his natural equilibrium, and constant reoccurring problems appear elsewhere.

This is true for each big “shock” we receive, either fall, fracture or traffic accident. In each case, there will always be a “nervous memory” that must be released first in order to help the tissues find their natural symmetry again.

After releasing the nervous system, the Osteopath will help the Craniosacral system to balance and reorganise, thus allowing the whole musculo-skeletal framework to readjust (bones, ligaments, muscles, tendons). When the Craniosacral system is balanced, a person is in general in equilibrium (right/left and sacrum/cranium) with a relaxed nervous system, hence its importance…

Geoffrey Wattinne, is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and a UK trained Osteopath. For more information on Geoffrey or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76 34

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Are you fed up with trying rying to locate good, reliable and accurate information, unsure who to turn to when it comes to health and health related issues here on the Costa del Sol...

…solvin …solving ng the puzzle of healthcar e in healthcare Spain!

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SANITAS HEALTH PLAN Sign up by 1st January 2012 and receive 50% discount for the whole year - no waiting times Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution

The Xanit is now covered by Sanitas Health Plans to Suit all Budgets

Contact your English Agent, Susan Warner T: 951 272 124 M: 615 655 348 www.healthinsurance-spain.com info@healthinsurance-spain.com

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:01 AM Page 36

The offiCe ChRiSTMAS PARTy.....

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after his company’ s Christmas party. He can’ t even remember how he got home from the party. He just hoped he hadn’ t done anything embarrassing. Jack forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table, with a single red rose. He sits up and sees his clothes laid out for him, and that the bedroom is spotless. He looks in the mirror and sees a huge black eye staring back at him along with a note written on the corner of the mirror in lipstick “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get ingredients to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Jillian.” He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a full English, steaming coffee and the newspaper. His son is also sitting at the table eating. “ Son, what happened last night?” “ Well you came home after 3am, drunk out of your mind, fell over the coffee table and broke it, puked in the hallway, and you got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, “so, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? Why do I have a rose, love notes and breakfast waiting for me?” His son replies, “Oh that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, leave me alone, I’ m married!”

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Millionaire Moment...

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, 'but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it? ''Sure,' said Mick.

'I'll have a go!' 'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?'

A: Sparrow B: Thrush C: Magpie D: Cuckoo

I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin '. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. 'hey, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.' 'Are you sure?''I'm really sure..' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.' 'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is, Sir.' There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!' The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. 'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?

'Because he lives in a clock!'

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ocal Info ---

Emergency Numbers

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

86 40

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda.

Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Cañada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 6th December - Day of the Constitution Public Holiday.

8th December - Immaculate Conception - Public Holiday.

22nd December - Spanish Christmas Lottery (El Gordo) 24th December – Christmas Eve 25th December – Christmas Day / Natividad del Señor 26th December – Boxing Day 27th December – Boxing Day Bank Holiday (UK)

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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1st to Sunday 4th December: Cirque du Soleil at Palacio de Deportes Jose Martin Carpena, Malaga. Tickets from €30 upwards. www.livenation.es/artist/cirque-du-soleil-tickets 3rd December: ARCH Charity Fun Dog Show and Christmas Fair at Granja Escuela Los Erales, Alhaurin el Grande. 10am-1pm. Raffle, stalls, donkey rides, PomPom the Clown, petting zoo. Contact archrescue@yahoo.co.uk 3rd December: Christmas Fair. 11am-9pm at Hacienda Almoguera, Los Barrios. Includes bouncy castle, nativity, pony rides, stalls, games. www.haciendaalmoguera.com 6th December: Christmas Fair 11am-3pm at Leslie’s Bar, Coin. Stalls, raffles and visit from Santa Claus.

6th, 8th, 10th & 17th December (3pm - 6pm): Kidz Kingdom - What would Christmas be without the Wonder of Santa? Enchant your children with a visit to see the Real Santa Clause at Kidz Kingdom. Watch their eyes light up with excitement as they receive their special wrapped gift from Santa. It’ll be like a dream come true! Kidz Kingdom - 952 928 936.

9th to 11th December: TAPAS Christmas Panto at Los Arcos, Coin – Cinderella. Runs at 8pm on Friday and Saturday and a matinee on Sunday at 4pm. Tickets are €9 adults or €4 for children. Call 635 293 714 for info.

10th December: Christmas Fayre at Kiddi Bank Day Care, Centro Plaza, Alcaidesa from 10am-5pm. Santa’s Grotto, bouncy castle, puppet show, arts and crafts. Contact info@kiddibankdaycare.com 11th December: Christmas Fair at the Hipodromo, Mijas Costa. Kid’s fun area, live music, talent competition, stalls. 12pm until 7pm. Email sunnews@idecnet.com for info.

18th December (12pm - 6pm): A ‘Snow White’ Christmas Party - Join us for our Magical Christmas Party with heaps of entertainment for the whole family and various games and activities throughout the day. There’ll be plenty of magic tricks and organized party fun with Wizzy the Wizard and Special Guest Appearances from your children’s favourite Characters including Spiderman, Dora the Explora, our Beloved Santa Clause and even Snow White herself. They’ll feel like they’re inside a mini wonderland and if that’s not enough, there will be unlimited mince pies & mulled wine to get you into the ‘Spirit’ of Christmas. See you there for an amazing fun filled day!!! Kidz Kingdom - 952 928 936 .

22nd, 29th & 30th December: The Russian National Ballet performing The Nutcracker at 9pm at the Cervantes Theatre, Malaga. www.teatrocervantes.es for info and tickets which start at €22.

Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery, Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Curry Night & Karaoke at Ray’s Bar, With Allstars - Mark James, Dona Lola.

Every Thursday: Pilates Stroller workout class on the Torreguadiaro Beachfront at 11am.

This is a post natal workout for Mums along with their little ones in their stroller, walking exercises and Pilates pitstops. www.pilatesparati.es Every Thursday: Steak Night at Ray’s Bar, With live Music, Dona Lola, Beach Side Calahonda, opposite El Zoco Tel 634 840 364 Every Friday: Fish and Chips Night at Ray’s Bar, Dona Lola, Beach Side Calahonda, opposite El Zoco Tel 634 840 364 Every Sunday: Traditional Sunday lunch at Santiago del Calvario, Alhaurin, Roast beef, Lamb Pork, or chicken with fish and Vegetarian options available.

Every Sunday: Traditional Sunday lunch at El Parasio Bar and Restaurant. Tel 952 883 799 Every Sunday: Karaoke at Ray’s Bar, With Allstars - Mark James, Dona Lola, Beach Side Calahonda, opposite El Zoco Tel 634 840 364 Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families welcome, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, follow the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

What’s On

Guide

If you would like to list your events, days out or any else you have going on please contact us on: 663 061 669 or email editor@costalinkmagazine.com

Sponsored by SPAIN

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WWW.ROUNDABOUTSPAIN.COM

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:02 AM Page 45

FFAST AST CA CATT SL Local & Int International ernational Removals Removals / Storage Storage Call ffor or a quote quote please call call::

0034 697 697 681 681 334 0034 95 954 4 669 703

spain@fastcat-international.com spain@fastcat-international.com

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant

Call: 663 061 669

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INTRODUCTION TO MASSAGE Massage is one of the oldest healing arts: Chinese records dating back 3,000 years document its use; the ancient Hindus, Persians and Egyptians applied forms of massage for many ailments; and Hippocrates wrote papers recommending the use of rubbing and friction for Well Being joint and circulatory problems. Today, the benefits of massage are varied and far-reaching. As an accepted part of many physical rehabilitation programs, massage therapy has also proven beneficial for many chronic conditions, including low back pain, arthritis, bursitis, fatigue, high blood pressure, diabetes, immunity suppression, infertility, smoking cessation, depression, and more.

Health&

So What Is It Exactly? Massage, bodywork and somatic therapies are defined as the application of various techniques to the muscular structure and soft tissues of the human body. Specifically: Massage: The application of soft-tissue manipulation techniques to the body, generally intended to reduce stress and fatigue while improving circulation. The many variations of massage account for several different techniques.

Bodywork: Various forms of touch therapies that may use manipulation, movement, and/or repatterning to affect structural changes to the body.

Somatic: Meaning â&#x20AC;&#x153;of the body.â&#x20AC;? Many times this term is used to denote a body/mind or whole-body approach as distinguished from a physiology-only or environmental perspective.

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Guide.....

Christmas Mojitos This smart cocktail will get the party started with maximum fun and minimum fuss

Ingredients & Method Put 140g fresh or frozen cranberries, a handful mint and 2 tbsp brown sugar in a bowl.

Crush with the end of a rolling pin, then add a couple of handfuls of crushed ice and stir to mix. Add a shot of vodka to 6-8 tall glasses, divide the cranberry crush between them, then top up with cranberry juice and sparkling water (serves 6-8).

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HONG KONG

CHINESE RESTAURANT

La Mirage Mirage Restaurant Rest estaur aurant aur ant & Spikes Bar

Lunch or Dine in style in our fabulous Restaurant overlooking the Golf Course excellent choice of menus and wines. Open every day of the year.

Live entertainment on Friday / Saturday evenings or

ONLY â&#x201A;Ź6.90

Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE

Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES

Relax on the sunny terrace of Spikes Bar. Breakfasts, snacks & daily specials available from 08:00 till late every day (from 09:00 on Sunday)

Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

Miraflores Miraflor Mir aflores aflor es Golf Golf Club Cl Cluub

Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Urbanizacion Riviera Del Sol, Mijas Costa, 29647 Malaga

Tel Tel (+34) 952 931 941 Email: reservations@mirafloresgolfrestaurant.com W Website: ebsite: www www.miraflores-golf.com .miraflores-golf.com

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SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS

DESSERTS

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas.

Tel: 952 599 236.

Mob: 685 578 743

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r a B s ’ y Ra ve iGames 5 lGame sTV’s shown on fflat lat screen screen TV’s

Dona Lola Costa Mijas Cos ta Beachh Side Calahonda Beac

www.raysbar.co.uk 840 TTel: el: 634 8 40 364 364

Open Op en 7 days days a week week from from 10am 10am to to Late Late

www.facebook.com/rays.bar

un S / d e W

from 9pm

STEAK S TEAK N NIGHT IGHT Thurrssday

Wednesday W ednesday

Curry Night

for all the latest info

2 sirlion sirlion meals meals & b ottle o ine 119.95€ 9.95€ bottle off w wine

Friday

ip h C & Fish Night

Mama Nostra

Golden Sun

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu.

Special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday.

Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Advertise Your Bar or Restaurant HERE Call: 663 061 669

Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week.

Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

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Mini Christmas Cakes...

Ingredients:

225 g light muscovado sugar 225 g butter, or margarine 225 g plain flour 1 tsp mixed spice, 1 tsp ground cinnamon 1/2 tsp ground ginger 1/2 tsp ground nutmeg & 1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda large pinch of salt 4 eggs, beaten 1 tbsp black treacle 1 apple & 1 orange, grated rind 275 g raisins, 275 g currants, 275 g sultanas 65 g almonds 5 tbsp brandy

Method:

1. Turn the oven onto 140C/gas mark 1 and put a shelf onto the centre runner.

2. Grease 10 x 10cm tins using a little of the butter and line with baking parchment.

3. Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, sieve in the flour with the spices, bicarbonate of soda and salt and add the beaten eggs, treacle, apple and orange rind.

4. Add the fruit and nuts to the bowl, mix together.

5. Finally add in the brandy and mix together thoroughly.

6. Spoon the mixture evenly between the tins and press down gently to even it out.

7. Bake for around 1 hour or until cooked. Check if it's cooked by inserting a skewer into the centre - if the skewer comes out gooey then leave the cake in the oven for another 10 minutes or until the skewer comes out clean.

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Please

Mr.MilkMan

Actual notes left for milkmen...must make their day a little more interesting ‘I've just had a baby, please leave another one.’

‘Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk.’

‘Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.’

‘Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.’

‘Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way around.’

‘My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?’

‘From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.’

‘Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?’

‘When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.’

‘No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.’

Electrician J.I.B registered C&G Qualified ICPs & Up Grades-Rewires-Boletins Pool & Garden Lighting, W ireless Systems Wireless Door entry systems Rental sub meters & A/C time delay switches Electric water heaters & Fujima T Toshiba oshiba A/C

EW electricians 699 133 941 or 951 247 1 114 14 ewelectricians@yahoo.es 64

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Headlines 21st July 2029 •Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. Minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

•Spotted Owl plague threatens crops and livestock.

•Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

•Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

•Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

•France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

•Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

•George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

•Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to €17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

•85-year €75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

•Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

•Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.

•Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

•High Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

•Average height of teenagers is now nine feet, seven inches.

•New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers and fly swatters must be registered by January 2030 •IVA at lowest tax rate for 10 years only 75 percent.

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:41 PM Page 67

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:41 PM Page 68

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during December.....

68

Capricorn

Hooray, all Capricorn’s you have Venus, the planet of love and money going through your sign this December. This lets you fully express your loving nature and creativity. You feel beautiful and this is radiated so you attract beautiful people and things. An excellent time for giving and receiving love and affection, spending time with loved ones and socializing with friends. Also why not host or attend a party, as Venus rules money this should be a good time financially.

Spend some money on yourself by getting a makeover, buying clothes or jewelry. Relationships especially with the opposite sex should go well because of your attractive energy, if you are on the market then your chances are good for finding someone special.

Aquarius

Aquarius you will receive a spark from Mercury this December. The aspect from Mercury increases creative thought and mental activity, energizing communications and interactions with others. You will be very busy at this time, interaction are beneficial as you can project yourself strongly and clearly without upsetting anyone. Negotiation and meetings will benefit from your input and you may even play the role of negotiator or mediator within groups or with friends and family. Writing as well as speaking should come easily so this is a good time to put pen to paper to clear up paperwork and even apply for a job or promotion. Also be more active in your neighborhood catch up with friends it is the festive season after all.

Pisces

Pisces you will have help from Venus this December. It will increase opportunities with love and money. You feel energetic about expressing love and affection, and make a genuine effort to please and to share your warm feelings. Your social skills are firing on all cylinders so this is an especially good time to get out and make new friends. You will find that others are attracted to your warm and outgoing nature and you will have a greater chance during these days of finding new love. This attractive energy you are giving off may also bring you favors and gifts, even some extra money. This is an ideal time to ask for what you really want whether it be material possessions or more affection. A great time for enjoying the finer things in life, spending money on yourself or taking a friend to the movies.

Aries

December, Aries sees Mercury in transit this improves thinking and communications as your thoughts are in harmony with your intentions. You will feel an increased need for love and affection; there may be a little friction if you don’t get much back in return. There will be a tendency to slack off and enjoy yourself so if you have to go to work it may be difficult to focus.

You may have a selfish attitude at the moment, which others will pick up on and give you a hard time about, but you really couldn’t care less. You would rather not get involved in any dramas, and prefer to indulge yourself in non-productive, though rather enjoyable pursuits.

Overindulgence with money is something to be careful of at this time, as racking up unnecessary debt on the credit card is a real temptation. This will last throughout December.

Taurus

Taurus you will have a very good aspect from the New Moon on December 24th. This New Moon signals a month ahead of inner balance and more harmonious relationships. You should feel more relaxed and calm because the two sides of your brain are working together. All areas of life should flow smoothly and you should not have to deal with too many obstacles or competition. Your plans should work out well, and goals will be more easily reached than at other times. Other people do not stand in your way, and you can expect favors and at least little resistance from others, especially men and people with power. This is an ideal time to enjoy life and relax, a holiday should work out really well at the moment, but this good energy should be used to further personal goals.

Gemini

An opposition from Mercury this December may challenge you Gemini. This is likely to be a very busy time with the possibility of arguments and increased stress. Your will and ego are working at cross purposes to your rational thinking and how you express yourself, so it’s easy to put other people off during this time. They will feel you are being too selfish and annoying, but you think they are the ones that are hard to get along with. Communications and mental activity are highly stimulated now so it may be difficult to avoid arguments, but it is you who has to think of others and seek a compromise, at least to settle things down before you push your agenda. Important decisions should be avoided, and this is also not the best time for bargaining, making business deals or signing contracts.

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:41 PM Page 69

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer you will have Venus opposite your sign this December. Although this puts a focus on love relationships and does increase your need for love and affection, there may be some conflict with partners if there is some imbalance in the relationship. Tension may arise if you have been feeling unloved or not appreciated. You are more likely to expect lots of attention at this time but will have to give more as well. There is the increased chance of meeting new friends or even a new lover, however it will be important that you not lower you standards. You may also feel like indulging in pleasure more than going to work. Lack of discipline and overindulgence are other things to be mindful of at the moment. Think twice about getting into debt now as this could cause problems down the line.

Leo you will get a few slightly uncomfortable days due to the opposition from Venus between December 21st and 29th. It’s not a severe transit by any means but Venus opposite the Sun does increase activity in the love and relationship department, you will feel like indulging in pleasure more than going to work. Relationships should go well but there may be trouble if you lower you standards, entering a new relationship is really not in your best interests at the moment. You have an extra need to be loved, you may be inclined to be too pushy which could result in the other person feeling smothered and pushing you away. There will probably be a tendency to be a bit lazy at this time. Take care not to go too overboard with spending and don’t expect to get a favorable response if trying to borrow money.

Virgo this December everything in your world will seem beautiful. You feel fantastic; life flows along smoothly with few cares or worries. Your loving attitude means that people respond with kindness and affection, all social activities are favored. At work you can even expect better relations with the boss and co-workers. Your more relaxed attitude is likely to have a calming influence on the people around you so you can bask in more admiration and popularity. These days should bring harmony and balance especially in close relationships, allowing you to enjoy work and play and get along with everybody without even trying. An ideal time to go to parties or to just relax. This is also a favorable month for finances, buy nice things, also try your hand at something creative.

Libra during December you will welcome a great aspect from the 10th’s lunar eclipse. The lunar eclipse is an energizing and creative transit. It gives power of personal expression, which helps in self-promotion, and the achievement of goals. This is an excellent time to get on make real progress with things in life that mean a lot to you, work, relationships and longer term goals. You face little resistance from people or circumstances, in fact, because of this attractive energy you express, you may well attract new love, gifts and favors, so asking for some help with money would not be out or order at this time. A great time for enjoying the finer things in life, purchasing luxury items and snuggling up with a block of chocolate in front of the TV. Scorpio you should fair very well in the romance department throughout December. An excellent combination of Venus and a New Moon awaits you this month, the ideal blend of love and passion, sex and desire. The attractive energy you radiate at this time means that sexual relations with a love partner are most rewarding, and if you are single, then you should score well! Mars will increase self-confidence and energy levels, and also your magnetic attractiveness to others.

The perfect time to push ahead in business or climb the ladder at work. You can take the initiative and start projects with a high probability of success because you give it your all and people will take notice. If you have a pet project or cause you feel strongly about, this is the ideal time to promote it.

Sagittarius you will have a very busy December with Mercury going back and forwards over your Sun. Mercury in your sign brings mental alertness, quick thinking and much interaction and communications with people. You are keen to express your identity through these interactions, chatting or bumping into people around town. A good time for meetings, going for coffee, visiting friends. You think and speak clearly and can easily explain your thoughts and ideas in a straightforward fashion. The increase in communication, chatting, reading and writing, can also occur via the Internet. Mercury stations directly on December 14th so which out for a few days as you may get a little more frazzled, as things get really hectic.

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:41 PM Page 70

Strange but true...

Sidecar Harley is the top dog in Peterborough When motorcycling lover Alan Valkeith went out on the road, there was one big and furry thing that he really missed.

Hound trip: Alan Valkeith and his pet St Bernard go out for a spin And so rather than leave his pet dog at home, the 62-year-old found the perfect solution for the St Bernard – a sidecar. Not only that but the appropriately named Harley also has Doggles and a specially-made crash helmet. ‘As soon as I make a move to go in the garage, he’s there, wanting to get in the bike,’ Mr Valkeith said. ‘I don’t like leaving a dog on its own at home, especially with a St Bernard. They have to be with someone or another animal, otherwise they fret.’

Harley was given Doggles to protect him from the sun while on the Honda Gold Wing 1200.

Mr Valkeith also bought a helmet and remoulded the polystyrene inside to make it fit his 17month-old pet’s head. Harley was then introduced gradually to the open road, taking small journeys at first. ‘I was surprised how well Harley took to the helmet. Whether he realised we were wearing crash helmets, I don’t know. I’m not sure how dogs’ minds work,’ added Mr Valkeith, who lives in Peterborough. ‘He’s always getting his photograph taken. People who see him can’t believe it.’

Live Music

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 72

News from the Allways Group • With the summer now a distant memory, we all must face shorter and colder days. Although we are not subject to the freezing temperatures that much of Europe experiences, we do have our fair share of rainfall. So now would be the perfect time to check over your property to make sure that it is protected against damp. Some areas are plainly visible and are easy to access. However, your roof is a different matter. This is where THE ALLWAYS GROUP can help you.

• “The roof is a much neglected area of the home but is so important.” Says Ray Frost, the Director of the Allways Group. “Very often, the first sign of roof failure is not on the roof itself but inside your home. Ceiling stains, flaking paint and plaster, peeling wallpaper, and discoloration near the wall/ceiling joint. They may appear negligible but serve as an advance warning of future roofing problems. The staining may be caused by condensation but normally it’s an indication that water is seeping through, very often at joints and flashings in the roof.”

• “We have viewed properties with roofs that look perfect but on inspection found that the tiles simply turn to powder when handled and remember, properties that were built 30-40 years probably have no Damp Proof Membrane and are a high risk. It only takes one broken tile to allow the problem to start.”

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W h a t ’ s News

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 73

KIDZ KINGDOM’s Christmas Entertainment Guide Holiday Season Activities

(6th, 8th, 10th,11th & 17th December) It’s Christmas every day at KIDZ KINGDOM during the festive season and extra special on these selected dates with various activities throughout the day and regular character visits. We’ll have the kidz making there own gingerbread cookies, or decorating cupcakes, we’ll even try out meringue snowmen, but whatever the activity, you’re guaranteed a fun filled day with the kids while you take a break from all the chaos of Christmas shopping. Or why not shop online using our Free Wifi connection. Our little elves will be at your disposal whatever your command, while we entertain your little elves.

Visit Santa In His Grotto

(6th, 8th, 10th,11th & 17th December, 3pm – 6pm) What would Christmas be without the Wonder of Santa?

Enchant your children with a visit to see the Real Santa Clause at Kidz Kingdom. Watch their eyes light up with excitement as they receive their special wrapped gift from Santa. It’ll be like a dream come true!

A ‘Snow White’ Christmas Party

(Sunday 18th December, 12pm – 6pm) Join us for our Magical Christmas Party with heaps of entertainment for the whole family and various games and activities throughout the day. There’ll be plenty of magic tricks and organized party fun with Wizzy the Wizard and Special Guest Appearances from your children’s favourite Characters including Spiderman, Dora the Explora, our Beloved Santa Clause and even Snow White herself. They’ll feel like they’re inside a mini wonderland and if that’s not enough, there will be unlimited mince pies & mulled wine to get you into the ‘Spirit’ of Christmas. See you there for an amazing fun filled day!!!

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 74

Three Couples

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for t wo weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of t wo weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the t wo weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Priest."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.

The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the t wo weeks?" The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad.

The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.

The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for t wo weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the t wo weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the priest.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it" said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church" stated the priest.

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 75

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:39 PM Page 76

CHristmas musiC

There’s no escaping it, even if you’re one of those people who likes to believe that Christmas doesn’t begin until mid-December, you’ll still be confronted by those ubiquitous festive songs every time you walk into a shop, bar or restaurant from now until the big day itself. It’s all designed to get us into the Christmas spirit of course, well, at what other time of year would we accept hearing songs that are 20 years old, several times a day?

So let’s take a look at some of those classic contenders…

All we want for Christmas is – some new music…

Let’s start with All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey. Found to be the most popular Christmas song of the last decade, it’s surely the epitome of the Christmas heavyweight hit – upbeat lyrics? Check; Frustratingly catchy tune? Check; appropriate use of sleigh bells? Check.

It remains Mariah’s best selling single in the UK, even though it only reached number 2 in the charts when it was released in 1994 (beaten to the top spot by East 17’s Stay Another Day. The last thing you want to hear at Christmas…

But Mariah’s formula isn’t the only way to score a Christmas hit, in fact Wham!’s 1984 song Last Christmas is almost the antithesis of All I Want for Christmas - well having a pop at a former flame for their infidelity is pretty un-Christmassy in our book. Wham! lost out on the festive number one spot to Band Aid but former X Factor winner, Joe McElderry is having a go with his version this year, so who knows, it might be second time lucky.

So here it is…again A Christmas-themed song that did make it to number one is Merry Xmas Everybody, by Slade in 1973.

Maybe that explains why we’re still listening to hits from three decades ago: credibility and a Christmas single don’t exactly go hand in hand these days. Imagine downloading a festive track by N-Dubz or Calvin Harris…

Continued on page 92

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 77

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 1:39 PM Page 78

Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 90

Crossword Across: 8. Former Italian currency (4) 9. Outrageous (10) 10. A domineering woman (6) 11. Languor (8) 12. Farewell gesture (4) 13. Guide (10) 17. Sediment (4) 18. Lacquer ingredient (5) 19. Smudge (4) 20. Fanatic (10) 22. Require (4) 23. Neither urban nor rural (8) 27. Plaid (6) 28. Indiscretion (10) 29. One-quarter of a bushel (4) Down: 1. An annoying or frustrating event (10) 2. Budgie (8) 3. Relax (10) 4. It comes from sheep (4) 5. Adjoin (4) 6. Accomplish (6) 7. Cozy (4) 14. Letter before iota (5) 15. Coquetry (10) 16. Joyful enthusiasm (10) 19. Insolvent (8) 21. Hindquarters (6) 24. Utilizer (4) 25. What we sleep in (4) 26. Void (4)

Sudoku

Brain Teaser Christmas Riddle - Santa set out for Scotland with all his fabulous Christmas presents stashed in his sleigh. Over the Orkney Isles some reindeer were too exhausted to continue and stopped to rest. As they flew across Fort William over enthusiastic hunters shot down a number of reindeer.

Eventually 2/3rds of the reindeer arrive in Scotland: 200 in Glasgow, 120 in Edinburgh, 32 in Perth, 7 in Stirling and 1 in Livingston.

How many set out from Lapland?

Say What You See...

you just me 78

GMADEB

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 79

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:10 PM Page 80

F I N A N C I A L Economic & Currency News...

Spanish Property Market Still Declining Mariano Rajoy, the favourite to win the national elections, has promised a clampdown on the soured real-estate sector. With Spanish banks facing further losses of around 176 Billion Euros, Mariano has demanded more realistic valuations on property.

Spanish home sales in September where down around 30% compared with last year.

The year-to-date figures for 2011, are 20% below last year, and 56% below 2007. It is difficult to envisage how housing turnover could fall further, without almost complete stagnation.

“You have to remove any kind of shadow of doubt over the valuation that you have of these assets in your balance sheet,” Luis de Guindos, tipped by newspapers as a contender for finance minister in a new People’s Party government formed by Rajoy, said in an interview. De Guindos said he favoured stricter rules on how banks account for depreciated land values. Spanish banks have set aside 105 billion euros since 2008 to absorb a property crash that has left them holding unsold land, apartments and warehouses. The “cleanup and restructuring” of Spain’s banking system is the top pledge Rajoy has made in his electoral program to fund the country’s recovery by boosting the supply of credit.

Unless the next Government takes radical steps to liberalise the economy, boost employment, and force banks to stop keeping property prices artificially high, it’s hard to see a way out of this dire situation. The demand market is shrinking fast, which is a clear indication that prices are still far too high.

Written by our financial expert James Alexander.

If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us – sales@costalinkmagazine.com or on 663 061 669.

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Where is this going? Well it all seemed to be going wrong for the euro zone last week, It looked like the euro was on the brink of collapse, however by some miracle it did not seem to go into free fall. As we know there was bad news in Greece, the Greek prime minister George Papendreou resigned, Italyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Silvo Berlusconi, was somewhat forced to step down, lets face it he had other interests that were far more important to him than running the country.

There is still a lot of turmoil and uncertainty in the Euro zone and with the Euro. It does not look as though China will be helping the United States of Europe. There is talk of a two tier Euro zone with a North, South divide. How will this help??????????????????

Germany and France (Merkozy â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Merkel and Sarkozy, not a contestant from big brother) are frantically trying to find a solution for the woes of euro land, however nothing concrete seems to have been presented. At the moment Spain is the one to watch.

What has this done to the currency markets? Well nothing much really, as you would expect the euro has weakened slightly, pushing sterling up a little higher, at the moment Sterling is the highest it has been against the Euro since March this year. So if you have been holding off on doing your money transfer from the UK to Spain, now would be a good time to do this. Our currency partner Moneycorp can offer you expert guidance, so that you trade at the right time, giving you more money and making your money go further.

Christmas is not far away, a few extra Euros in your pocket will definitely help.

Moneycorp are a UK FSA regulated company that have been dealing in foreign exchange since 1979. Deal with Moneycorp knowing that your funds will be safe and secure. They have an office in Puerto Banus with a very friendly, helpful, professional team that will be more than happy to help with your enquiries.

Moneycorp can be contacted at 0034 951 319 700 or email costalink@moneycorp.com

December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:13 AM Page 82

HAPPY 50th!

One of the biggest celebrations this year was the 50th anniversary of the Jaguar EType , but many other iconic cars also celebrated their 50th Birthday this year, they include Another Important release in 1961 from Jaguar, was the Mk 10, this was the first “modern Jaguar” and spawned the familiar look with twin headlamps and wide grill that has only just gone out of production. It was one of the largest cars on the market at over seventeen feet long and six feet wide, most people found it just too big!

The MG Midget, was released in 1961, essentially a re-bodied Austin Healey Frogeyed Sprite, and was one of the cheapest sports cars on the market, it was also badged as an Austin Healey Sprite until 1971 and the Midget stayed in production until 1980.

The versatile Renault 4 also made its first appearance 50 years ago and was offered initially with the rear windows as an option to keep prices down! It had many body styles such as cars, vans or pick-ups and is now regarded as the first hatchback – although it was originally called an estate. It remained in production until 1992 and sold over 8 million.

Another sporty offering in 1961 was the TR4 from Triumph. This was a breakaway from the old style English roadsters and was designed by Italian designer Michelotti. It was the first ever production car to offer a Targa style roof, which in those days was known as a “Surry Top” Ford’s English division wanted to have some of the style they were using in America and introduced the Consul Classic and the two door fastback coupe – The Consul Capri. Generally the styling was not well received and The Classic was dropped after two years and 111,225 sales. Only 18,716 Capri’s were produced and it was dropped in 1964.

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Golf Tips And Tricks Club Selection A set of golf clubs is a bag of tools each one giving a different result from the same swing, knowing what each club will do for you using your swing is important and something that many golfers have no idea of most of the time leading to the reparative use of the favorite club in the bag with a change of swing to achieve different results.

Once you know the distances each club gives you then on course management becomes easier to grasp, standing on the tee of a 300m par 4 would mean a 200m tee shot would leave 100m to the green, but only if you know the distances you will get from your clubs would you be able to select the club from your bag to return the distance you need, so for many players on every par 4 there is only one club to take and one simple answer to the problem hit it as hard as you can making the next shot easy , the driver is the biggest club in the bag and without question the one that will hit the ball the furthest so the only choice , many players I have watched over the years can get 150m from one of their irons or a fairway wood with ease and accuracy making two shots to the green not just probable but a certainty , but they take out the driver and

take a piece of paper hit five balls with each club, each time stopping after the five to pace out the distance to where the majority have landed write down the distance against the club number and you have a reference to use on course, as your game improves your distances are likely to increase so back to the practice ground to recheck will keep the scores down.

Driving ranges are not the best places to do this you cannot walk forward to pace the distance and what you want is an accurate distance to work with on course, if you do not have access to an open practice ground then put the paper in your bag and as you use each club on course pace to where the ball finishes keeping a record, then working the average to give you your distances you can expect from your clubs.

By Mark Sibley

MARK SIBLEY PGA GOLF PROFESSIONAL

UK QUALIFIED 15 YEARS OF COACHING EXPERIENCE LESSONS FOR ALL LEVELS OF GOLFER BEGINNER TO PLAYING PROFESSIONAL LESSON PACKAGES AVAILABLE NOW BASED AT THE MIRAFLORES GOLF ACADEMY NOW WITH FULLY STOCKED PROFESSIONAL SHOP

smash into the rough the main reason, they do not know or are not sure of the distances each club returns and the closer he better is course management in their game.

So how do you find out how far your clubs hit the ball using your swing, if you have an open practice ground attached to your golf club

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:13 AM Page 85

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:14 AM Page 86

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 10:14 AM Page 88

K I D S â&#x20AC;&#x2C6;S T U F F

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666 089 427

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Puzzle It Out Solutions

Just Say What You See Just between you and me Made in Great Britain

FromPages 16 & 78

Brain Teaser The answer is 540 NOT 480!

2/3rds of 540 = 360!

Crossword Solution

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Stevie Wonder 2) 90 degrees 3) Jacko 4) Lent 5) Aberdeen 6) 3 7) Reveille 8) Morocco 9) Red 10) Beaufort 11) Nick 12) One Man and His Dog 13) Bulgaria 14) Countdown 15) Toby 16) Madonna 17) 12 18) The Queen 19) Sepia 20) Charlton Heston 21) Red and Green 22) Potato 23) Right 24) Sardinia 25) Frederick Forsyth 26) Ceefax 27) Back 28) Belgium 29) St Paulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cathedral 30) Ford

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:15 PM Page 91

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December 2011 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 11/22/11 12:16 PM Page 92

CHristmas musiC CON’t

Thank goodness it isn’t Christmas every day…

We don’t know what they put in the water in 1973, but it produced two of our top ten love to hate seasonal songs – yes there was a real battle for Christmas number ones, with actual Christmas songs, hard to believe, isn’t it. While Wizzard’s I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday might not have made it to the top of the charts, it has been re-released several times over the years, and regularly features on Christmas compilation albums, so it feels like Wizzard have got their wish, after all.

Yes, we’re pretty sure everyone knows it’s Christmas…

The 1980s introduced us to a new kind of Christmas single – the charity record. If ever there was a song to tug at the heart-strings and make us take a step back from tinsel and mince pies, it’s Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid, which took a selection of current chart stars and turned them into a super group.

It’s the only song to top the Christmas charts three times, in 1984, 1989 and 2004, and succeeded in raising millions of pounds and awareness of famine in Ethiopia.

Don’t hurry down the chimney… Santa Baby is probably one of the most covered Christmas songs of all time, despite achieving no real chart success in the UK. Since Eartha Kitt released the original in 1953, it’s been sung by everyone from Kylie to Britney, Madonna, The Pussycat Dolls and even Miss Piggy, which might explain why it’s impossible to avoid at this time of year.

Simply wishing it wasn’t so catchy... Paul McCartney showed off his skills by singing and playing all the instruments when he recorded Wonderful Christmas Time in 1979 (so maybe Christmas comes several times each year for Sir Paul in the form of royalty cheques). With Christmas CDs on loop in all our favourite stores, plus the work Christmas party, there’s really no getting away from the perennial Christmas songs but when you think of the 90s and the novelty singles by the likes of Mr Blobby and Bob the Builder, perhaps these classic favourites aren’t so bad…

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “ Jesus Christ!” he shouted. Joseph said, “ Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!”

Who's the bane of Santa's life?

The elf and safety officer Christmas morning, a policeman on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The policeman said to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid said, “Yeah.” The policeman said, “Well next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike.” The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a €20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, “By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humoring the kid, the policeman said, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid said, “Well next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”

What's the slogan for the Eskimo lottery? 'You've got to be Inuit to win you it!'

An Australian, an Irishman and a Glaswegian are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: “My God, it's Jesus!” Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Buckfast. Jesus accepts the drinks, 96

smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: “My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!”

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. “Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle.” Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. “What's wrong my son?” says Jesus. The Glaswegian shouts, “You f*** off, I'm on disability benefit!”

How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf? He has Santa claws!

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