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Well December’s issue is here, gosh where has this year gone. I would like to a start with a big special thanks to all our avid readers, most of all to our loyal advertisers new and old for your continued support that you have given us throughout this year. So a massive ‘THANK YOU’ to you all… In this month’s issue we have lots of great gift ideas’ why not give a bespoke hand painted gift from Mama Loca (page 8) or a bottle of fizz from Wines 4 Fun (page 7) why not pop in to the Estepona Business Centre they have a great range of Stephen Webber jewellry plus much more (page 83). Well I hope you all have written to Father Christmas with your wish list. But don’t worry if you haven’t you still have a few more weeks. I’ve sent mine… But remember it’s not all about the presents, it’s about spending quality time with your loved ones, family and friends. Time goes so quickly so make every moment count, and tell the ones you love ‘exactly that’. So have a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. Enjoy and Keep Smiling. Enjoy!
in the December Magazine
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AM’sW: “THE RULES” from our side of the fence side GRRRRR!
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Medical Section... The A-Z of medical healthcare on the Costa del Sol. If you need any advise on any medical matter look here...
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All Revved Up... The Paris Motor show had an amazing array of new cars, take a look on page 52, I fancy the new Merc myself...
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From the Seven Dwarfs to the Nutcracker even a Carol concert What’s on is all about Christmas this month, it even involves dinosaurs?!
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Solutions on page 80 Puzzle It Out... Puzzles galore challenge those little grey cells.
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Kids Page: Help Anna and Elsa escape from the maze, also put Olaf back together again...
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Business Directory... Can’t find that all-important contact information see page 76.
Like Us
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Solutions on page 80 Pit your brains against the TRIVIA QUIZ, questions for all ages from 6 -116!
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The Jokes Page: Some turkey’s! Get some giggles in on page 72!!!
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A Womens World! Apparently they make fantastic reindeer to Santa as well… See page 8.
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A Woman’s World CHRISTMAS FACT... According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to midDecember. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen- had to be a girl. We should've known. Only women, while pregnant, would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!!
SOMETHING TO TRY AT HOME!!! An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had gentleman parts that were 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his bits and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches their man sausage to 24 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?"The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his man parts.A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied. "Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?" "No, it's turned black"
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HOT GOSS TV!
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X FACTOR 2014: At the time of going to press Fleur East becomes favourite to win the 26-year-old has emerged as the dark horse of the competition after Simon Cowell previously branded her as forgettable. Fleur East has overtaken long running favourite Andrea Faustini and is now the bookies' tip to win the competition. The 26-yearold gave a stunning performance of Whitney Houston's I'm Every Woman, for which she received unanimously positive comments from the X Factor judges.The X Factor winner odds breakdown are as follows: Fleur East 11/10, Andrea Faustini 7/2, Ben Haenow 7/2, Lauren Platt 8/1, Stereo Kicks 12/1.. Who do you think is going to be this years X Factor winner? Let us know at editor@costalinkmagazine.com
MELANIE SYKES'S ESTRANGED HUSBAND ACCUSES HER OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Melanie Sykes has been accused of attacking her estranged husband Jack Cockings on a regular basis the TV presenter and 'I'm A Celebrity' star Melanie Sykes estranged husband Jack Cockings has told The Sun that the 43 year-old regularly attacked him while under the influence of alcohol. The 28 year old claims she attacked him during a trip to Mexico in 2013 Jack has said the abuse started early on in their relationship, forcing their marriage to effectively end only six months in. Melanie Sykes has been unavailable to comment on the allegations so far. MEL B LANDS CHRISTMAS CORONATION STREET CAMEO... Mind your heels on those cobbles, love! Great news Corrie, X Factor and Spice Girls fans – Mel B has bagged a role on Coronation Street! The X Factor judge will be playing a character “totally different” from herself in a one-off episode for ITV’s charity appeal Text Santa. Mel’s Christmas-themed part will be shown in the Text Santa fundraiser on 19th December.
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HOT GOSS!
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STRICTLY COME DANCING 2014 CONTESTANTS WHO’S GOING TO WIN? Three Strictly Come Dancing 2014 contestants are fighting for the title of favourite to win. At the time of going to press the latest elimination of the series as Steve Backshall was booted out. Singer Pixie Lott, popstar Frankie Bridge and Eastenders actor Jake Wood are currently nearly inseparable at the top of the betting. Xtra Factor’s Caroline Flack, Blue’s Simon Webbe and TOWIE’s Mark Wright are in a clear second tier, each offered a 10/1 shot of picking up the glitterball trophy. In our latest popularity poll and Pixie topped the votes with Frankie an extremely close second. Jake was next, followed by Caroline with Mark rounding off the top five. Who is your new Strictly favourite?
HONEYMOON’S OVER! Miserable Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are fighting nonstop over business concerns they haven’t even been married six months, their wedded bliss has already turned into happily never after. Insiders say that the controversial couple can’t stop bickering because their union is based on business, not pleasure! According to a source close to the couple, their marriage vows also included a promise not to talk shop during their infrequent free time together. Will an unhappy marriage be the price of making a living off of her intimate moments? Only time will tell!
JURASSIC PARK IN 3D! If you grew up terrified a massive dinosaur was actually going to eat your head off thanks to Jurassic Park then the long awaited next instalment isn’t far away, Jurassic World. It’s set 22 years after the events of Jurassic Park, Isla Nublar now features a fully functioning dinosaur theme park, If you’re as excited about the film as us then you’d better just CALM DOWN – Jurassic World, which was shot in 3D, will be released on 12th June 2015.
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 03/11/14 9:48 pm Page 18
WANTED
ONLY IN THE US of A!
All units are to be on the lookout for the following individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency within the United States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the world.
NAME: Kringle, Christopher - Also Known As: Santa, Father Christmas, Saint Nick Race: Unknown Height: 6' 0" Weight: 320 lbs Scars/tattoos: Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas. Last seen wearing: Red suit trousers and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat with white tassel. Known to be driving a 1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle was displaying a red light on the front in violation of State of Alaska Vehicle Traffic Law. Wanted for the following criminal violations: Being jolly in a No Jolly zone, breaking and entering dwellings, leaving un-addressed packages in violation of US Postal Laws, Intentional dumping of reindeer feces in sewer drains in violation of US EPA Laws, unlawful crossing of US Borders without reporting the crossing to US Customs, failure to obtain a non-resident work permit from INS. CONTINUED ON PAGE 26...
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TRIVIA QUIZ
1) Reykjavik is the capital of which country? 2) Which 20th Century author wrote ‘All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others’? 3) What is the name of the gelling agent used to make jellies? 4) From which fruit is the drink Calvados made? 5) In which country is Lake Como? 6) How many pints are there in a Hogshead – 430, 432 or 434? 7) Who founded the Boy Scouts movement? 8) Which American celeb tried to “break the internet” last month? 9) From which planet did Spock come from in Star Trek? 10) In which city is Neighbours set? 11) Who wrote the musical Oklahoma? 12) Tim Brooke Taylor was one of
the Goodies – name the other two? 13) Roger Daltrey was the lead singer with which group? 14) Which character in the Shrek films is voiced by Eddie Murphy? 15) Marion Morrison is the real name of which American actor? 16) In which year did World War II finish? 17)Who is credited with the inventions of the Wellington Bomber and the bouncing bomb? 18)Who was knighted aboard his ship, the Golden Hind, in 1581? 19) When was Hong Kong taken by the British – 1939, 1942 or 1945? 20) Which Bond theme did Adele sing? 21)Which ex Take That boy band member had a baby last month? 22) Who was forever in Blue Jeans?
23) ‘Come on Eileen’ won best single at the 1989 Brits – who sang it? 24) Which famous artist cut off his ear? 25) What is the name of a triangle with 3 sides of differing lengths? 26) Which gas makes up approximately 21% of air? 27) How many pints are there in an imperial gallon? 28) In physics, what does ‘DC’ stand for? 29) What is the name given to the muscular contractions of the intestine that help digest food? 30) How many bones are there in an adult human body – 205, 206 or 207?
Answers on page 80
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WANTED CONTINUED...
ONLY IN THE US of A!
Wanted for the following criminal violations: Operating a motor vehicle that is not in compliance with US DOT Regulations, unlawful work practice in violation of the Equal Opportunity laws of the USA (will not employ people taller than (4) four feet in height), excess noise from motor vehicle in violation of State of Alaska Vehicle and Traffic Laws (Sounds of HO HO HO coming from within vehicle), failure to respond to repeated request for identification by FAA Flight controllers, and also in violation of the sovereign airspace of the United States of America.
Individual is known to force Goodwill and Peace among all men/women. Has been known to assault people with vicious bouts of laugh and fun. If contact is made with above individual, caution should be taken as to not become happy and gay, especially with thoughts of sugarplums. Detain individual and contact Detective Grinch, North Pole Police Dept. Alaska, and Or Special Agent Scrooge of the Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
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The Guilt...
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:
Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten euros in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren . God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me - we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again . I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that DVD of my hemorrhoid surgery has she? Well son , it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my walking stick beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain . Now don't you even think about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive family holidays you take every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is - the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom . Merry Christmas. Love, Mum
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Optimist vs. Pessimist
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other were their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, at Christmas their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
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Quick thinking! Tom is driving his trusty white van down the motorway way over the speed limit. He drives straight through a speed trap‌ Next minute he sees blue lights in the mirror. Police pull him over. The copper approaches the van. "Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home." "What?! You're intoxicated?" "Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though, I managed to fit the body in the back of the van" "Sir, keep your hands where I can see them. Give me your license and registration right now." "Well I would but it's in the glove box where I threw the gun, it's still pretty bloody and I don't want it to fall out until it's dried." "Do. Not. Move. I'm calling for back-up." Back-up gets there. Second cop gets out, and says "Sir, please open your doors to the back of the van." Tom opens it. Clean as a whistle. "Please show me your glove box." Tom opens it. Clean as a whistle, along with his license and registration. "I'll need you to take a breathalyzer test." Tom blows a .00 "Well what's going on? This officer said you had a dead body in the boot, a bloody gun in the glove box and were drunk." Tom says, "Ha, I bet he said I was speeding, too."
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A great mistake… On a crowded train, travelling from Paris to the South, a U.S. Marine on furlong walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realising that the only seat available was currently occupied by the poodle of a well dressed, middle-aged French woman. The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed, and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire length of the train again, and discovered that the only seat available was in fact the one currently being occupied by the poodle. Trudging tiredly back, the marine arrived once more before the French woman and said, “Please Ma’am, may I sit down? I'm very tired?” She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant. Why should I care if you are tired?" This time, the Marine didn't say a word, but simply picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and then sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone, defend my honour! This American needs to be put in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold your fork in the wrong hand, and you drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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A Man’s World
“THE RULES”
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Continued from last month...
13) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself. 14) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 15) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 16) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 17) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 18) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 19) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 21) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, superbikes or fishing. 22) You have enough clothes. 23) You have too many shoes.
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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
annual marathon. He started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
It wasn't that effective!After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"
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NAKED RUNNING
"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Only if it's raining."
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The office party...
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 4 November 2014, RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time. However, no gift should be over €10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! The CEO will make a special announcement. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Pauline. FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 5 November 2014, RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, although unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 6 November 2014, RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the union officials feel that €10.00 is too much money and management believes €10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline. Continued on page 52....
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Medical Mayhem
Weight Loss Program‌ A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for it and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone... 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'.........He lost 63 pounds that week
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Health Well Being &
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ARE YOU DRINKING AN EXTRA MEAL? CALORIES IN ALCOHOL:
The festive season is upon us, this time of year we have a tendency to drink a little more but do you realise how many calories are in your favourite tipple? Did you know that a glass of wine could have the same calories as four cookies? How about a pint of lager – surprised to hear it’s often the calorific equivalent of a slice of pizza? Why are calories in alcohol are extra-fattening... Alcoholic drinks are made by fermenting and distilling natural starch and sugar. Did you know? Being high in sugar means alcohol contains lots of calories – seven calories a gram in fact, almost as many as pure fat!
Calories from alcohol are 'empty calories', they have no nutritional value. Most alcoholic drinks contain traces of vitamins and minerals, but not usually in amounts that make any significant contribution to our diet. Drinking alcohol also reduces the amount of fat your body burns for energy. While we can store nutrients, protein, carbohydrates, and fat in our bodies, we can't store alcohol. So our systems want to get rid of it, and doing so takes priority. All of the other processes that should be taking place (including absorbing nutrients and burning fat) are interrupted.
Low calorie alcoholic drinks: Alcoholic drinks are high in calories particularly common beverages such as beer and cocktails. However, by cutting back on the amount you drink, it can significantly help to reduce your calorie intake.It can be useful to know that many alcoholic brands now have ‘light’ low alcohol alternatives containing less calories. Some ‘light’ wines have under 80 calories in a 175ml glass compared to 159 calories in the same measure of 13% ABV wine. Another way to drink less calories is to opt for a low calorie mixer such as a diet coke or soda. Drinking water or low calorie soft drinks between alcoholic drinks is not only a good way to reduce your calorie intake but also helps to reduce the amount of units you’re drinking. Medi$BSF F JT DPNNJUUFE UP QSP PWJEJOH RVBMJUZ JO FWFSZZ BTQFDU PG DBSF BOE TVQQPSUU JO UJNFT PG OFFE BWBJMBCMF JO UIF DPNGPSUU BOE TBGFUZ PG ZPVS PXO IPNF
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5IF UFBN BU Medi$BSF VOEFSTUBOE UIF " GVMM SBOHF PG TFSWWJDFT DPWFSJOH OFFE UP TFF BMM PG PVS DMJFOUT BT JOEJWJEVBMT BOE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS t 1PTU PQFSBUJWF DBSF SFIBCJMJUBUJPO t 4USP PLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO TQFDJmD OFFET t 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF t 0SUUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO Established on the Costa del Sol since 2001 t 3FTQJUF $BSF Telephone: 952 835 776 t %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT 24 Hour Helpline: 667 733 520 t (FOFSBM $BSF F 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF t &TDPSUUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF www.medicarenursingser g vices.com Quality in every aspect of care as well as support in times of need! info@medicarenursingservices.com
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 3:09 am Page 50
Top 10 facts about CHILDREN
1. ‘Children’ is one of only three words in modern English which are plurals formed by adding the old suffix-en. The others are brethren and oxen. 2. On a Worldwide average, each and every woman gives birth to an estimated 6.89 children. 3. The highest fertility rate is in Niger, where women give birth to an average of 7.58 children. The lowest is Singapore at 0.8 per woman. 4. The average girl child reaches half her adult height at 18 months. For a boy it is 24 months. 5. According to research at Sheffield University in 2008: “Clowns are universally disliked by children”. 6. “Childhood: the period of life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth.” (Ambrose Bierce, A Devil’s Dictionary) 7. Twelfth Night is the only Shakespeare play that does not contain the words ‘child’ or ‘children’. 8. According to research for National Teething Week, 68 per cent of parents have left a public place because of a crying child. 9. According to a recent survey, ten per cent of UK children learn to use a touch screen by age two. 10. “Mankind owes to the child the best it has to give.” (UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child)
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The office party... n’t co
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 7 November 2014, RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything? Pauline. FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees, DATE: 8 November 2014, RE: The ****** Holiday Party Vegetarian jerks: I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday and life. Pauline, the Bitch from HELL!
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 9 November 2014 RE: Pauline and the Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the management has decided to cancel our holiday party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay. Have a SUCCESSFUL day! John
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:11 am Page 54
ALL REVVED UP...
PARIS MOTORSHOW REVIEW
The Recent Paris Motor show brought some surprises we take a look at some of our faves‌
Unlike Infiniti's recent concept cars, it looks like the Q80 Inspiration is going to make production as a rangetopper. Let's hope it stays as close as possible to this! The new Land Rover Discovery Sport is lovely, yet the whole is a compact, shrink-wrapped shape. It is totally different to the Freelander that it is replacing. The Beautiful Lamborghini Asterion looks unlike any other model in the range, and has a 898bhp plug-in hybrid drivetrain. The Volkswagen XL Sport is based on the most economical car ever the VW XL1 but with the fastest motorbike engine ever. Not all bike engines suit cars, but a big Ducati V-twin sounds incredible. If this makes it into production, very few will be built due to the huge costs. The Mercedes-AMG GT with a NĂźrburgring lap time under 7min 40sec, and 503bhp in rangetopping GT S form. The new Mercedes-AMG GT is the performance car of the moment.
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:11 am Page 56
How to make the perfect Christmas cake... ingredients:
1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 Large brown eggs 2 cups of dried fruit 1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice MIXED Nuts 1 Very Large Bottle of whisky
Method:
1) Sample the whisky to check for quality. 2) Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again, to be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. 3) Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
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Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? 4) Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. 5) Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed. After a heavy nights slumber, take a Nurofen, PANIC, go back to bed – later in the afternoon go to the shops and buy one… Much easier!
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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218
Before
After
Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info
December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:11 am Page 58
Strangebuttrue...
Interesting Facts About… Christmas!
• Norwegian scientists have hypothesized that • Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday in the Rudolph’s red nose is probably the result of a parasitic USA until June 26th, 1870. infection of his respiratory system. • Ancient people, such as the Druids, considered • The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees mistletoe sacred because it remains green and bears out of dyed goose feathers. fruit during the winter when all other plants appear to • If you added up all the gifts from the Twelve Days die. Druids would cut the plant with golden sickles and never let it touch the ground. They thought it had of Christmas you would end up with 364 gifts! the power to cure infertility and nervous diseases and • According to the Guinness world records, the tallest to ward off evil. Christmas tree ever cut was a 221-foot Douglas fir that was displayed in 1950 at the Northgate Shopping • A Yule log used to be an enormous log that is typically burned during the Twelve Days of Christmas Center in Seattle, Washington. (December 25th-January 6th). Not a cake! • The traditional three colors of Christmas are green, • Santa Claus is based on a real person, St. Nikolas of red, and gold. Green has long been a symbol of life Myra (also known as Nikolaos the Wonderworker, and rebirth; red symbolizes the blood of Christ, and Bishop Saint Nicholas of Smyrna, and Nikolaos of gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty. Bari), who lived during the fourth century. He is the • According to data analyzed from Facebook posts, world’s most popular non-Biblical saint, and artists two weeks before Christmas is one of the most pop- have portrayed him more often than any other saint ular times for couples to break up. However, except Mary. He is the patron saint of banking, pawnChristmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups. broking, pirating, butchery, sailing, thievery, orphans, royalty, and New York City. Oooo you would have to be mean!
GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:11 am Page 60
FINANCIAL NEWS The Euro & World Round Up
It was looking very shaky for Germany over the last few weeks, they had bad data, after bad data and there was talk of Germany falling into a triple dip recession then GDP (Gross domestic profit) figures came out and everything was peachy, Economic sentiment for Germany and the Euro zone was very positive, exceptional numbers compared to the month before, the markets liked this and pushed the euro upwards against the British £ and the US $. However not all euro states are loving this at the moment, there is talk of Italy getting ready to leave the Euro and going back to the Lira - watch this Space!!
After the Global economic collapse that started in 2007 (created by the banks and the sub-prime mortgage lending) you would have thought that the banks would have learnt their lesson, but no, the 5 big banks, Barclays, Citibank, J.P.Morgan, RBS and HSBC are to face massive fines totalling £2 billion for rigging the £3.5 Trillion a day Foreign Exchange market. The UK treasury will receive £1.1 billion from the fines imposed; let’s hope that put it to good use! Japan has officially gone into recession, it was a surprise for the Japanese Yen, however the markets liked this as there will be snap elections in Japan. The Price of Brent crude is also close to levels it was at the start of the meltdown in 2007.
To find out how Moneycorp can help you achieve more on your exchange, please contact our partner on:
952 587 657
When contacting Moneycorp, please mention the Costa Link magazine.
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What’s On Guide...
5th December 2014: TAPAS Choir "sings" Christmas! Carols & Yuletide songs. For more information call the Teatro Salon Varietes, Fuengirola on: 952 47 45 42 or e-mail: boxoffice@salonvarietestheatre.com or visit the website www.salonvarietestheatre.com. 7th December 2014: New Orleans Jump Band - Dixieland & Traditional Jazz. For more information call the Teatro Salon Varietes, Fuengirola on: 952 47 45 42 or e-mail: boxoffice@salonvarietestheatre.com or visit the website www.salonvarietestheatre.com. 14th December 2014: The Nutcracker Ballet: At the Teatro Cuidad de Marbella, the cast of the Imperial Russian Ballet is comprised of 45 dancers of the highest artistic level, many of them have been winners of prestigious ballet competitions. For more information call: 952 86 43 94. 19th to the 23rd December 2014: Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs - Pantomime.. For more information call the Teatro Salon Varietes, Fuengirola on: 952 47 45 42 or e-mail: boxoffice@salonvarietestheatre.com or visit the website www.salonvarietestheatre.com. 26th December 2014: Christmas & New Years Concert 7 - 9pm: At the Teatro Cuidad de Marbella for more information call: 952 86 43 94. 28th December 2014: Dinosaurs in the City - children's musical: At the Teatro Cuidad de Marbella, a spectacle of adventure for the whole family, with musical themes, surprise, intrigue and excitement.For more information call: 952 86 43 94. Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, near Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa. Every Monday: Arts and Crafts Fair in Benahavis at 8pm in the Main Square in Benahavis. Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771. Every Tuesday: Dance with JiveSpain Miraflores Resturant from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning at the Baptist Church, Calahonda, where people can chat, share experiences & take part in a variety of activities. Tel: 952 933 409 for info. Every Tuesday: Age Concern hold a meeting every Tuesday afternoon 14:00 till 16:00 at the Manila bar in Los Boliches offering Spanish and computer lessons. Every Wednesday: Dance with JiveSpain at El Campanario, San Pedro, from 8pm - 11pm. Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission Every Thursday: Dance with JiveSpain at Tikitano Restaurant, Estepona from 8pm - 11pm. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda Every Thursday: Age Concern hold a meeting from 11:00 till 13:00 at the Manila bar in Los Boliches if you’d like some advice or just a friendly chat and a chance to meet new friends then please drop by. Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola. Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking. Every Friday: Dance with JiveSpain at Hotel El Goleto, Duquesa from 8pm - 11pm. Every Sunday: Dance with JiveSpain take over the dance floor at Atalaya Park Hotel. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: FAMA have a car boot sale at the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm. Every Sunday: Craft Market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina on the Teresa Zabell Pier: 12-6pm.
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If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know... email: editor@costalinkmagazine.com phone: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:34 am Page 64
ocal Info Emergency Numbers
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Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica
Medical
112 091 092 062
Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267
Health Centres
Town Halls
Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100
Fire Brigade
Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A
952 952 952 952 952 952 952
Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro
952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252
352 475 226 604 212 226 474
300 108 373 383 442 590 891
Tourist Information
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Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026
Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700
Consulates
Transport
Markets
Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) & Nueva Andalucia (Next to Centro Plaza the Bullring). La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona (Marina).
Cinemas
All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La CaĂąada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622
Chemists
24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89
Taxis
Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593
Diary Dates
6th December: Day Of The Constitution (National Holiday). 8th December: Immaculate Conception (National Holiday).
22nd December: El Gordo lottery is drawn it is the biggest prize of the year! 25th December: Christmas Day (National Holiday).
26th December - St Stephen’s Day. (Boxing Day - National Holiday).
if you would like to sponsor this page please call 951 216 131
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:34 am Page 66
S TA R S I GN S
A look at what's in store for you during December 2014.....
Capricorn
Aquarius
Aquarius, supported by the harmonious aspect between Jupiter and the Sun your relationship and love life will be flourishing in the first two weeks of December 2014.There will be favorable circumstances for shared love, for the appearance of a new affair maybe a proposal to make the relationship official or, in some cases a remarkable success of your partner's. The event of the month December 2014 will be the departure of Saturn your sign on the 23rd. Saturn has concentrated your attention on the professional area in the past two years and several months, it might have created quite a lot of discomfort by raising the workload and responsibilities. You have probably soldiered on but its departure will see your work life become friendlier and more relaxed. This month you’ll not be complaining about lack of energy. If you want to stay away from problems, you'd better take it easy. Spend more time with friends and shared activities!
Pisces
Pisces, significant planets are grouped into your sign this month Venus, the planet of love, and Mercury both hold strong positions, a sign of the importance regarding your love life and relationships. You'll have big expectations of your partner or people that will stand out to you by their good positions or special qualities. It will be a very good period for shared actions and projects, for you and your partner to aim together at the same objectives or to support one another in reaching your personal goals. Moreover, the stars will provide you with chance as well, which makes the appearance of some unexpected opportunities possible. Take full advantage of this period! Do the hardest part of the work in the first part of the month! You'll have fun in the second half.
Aries
Aries, Jupiter is bustling with enthusiasm this month. For the first part of December 2014, Venus will bring Arians new relationships for you singles maybe romantic trips, and the possibility of evolving and changing existing relationships. Throughout the latter part of the month expect emotions to be strong and maybe even distressing and the climate will be tense. With regard to work and money the fast planets will hurry to the highest area of Aries' solar horoscope, announcing success and accomplishments. The great news is that Saturn, will leave the frustrating area in which it has been since 2012 and will enter Sagittarius, promising Arians a period of expansion and fulfillment. At the same time, finances will relax. The mental tension of the past weeks will fade away, the optimistic tendencies will grow stronger. You'll feel you'll have more strength, and you'll look on the bright side of things.
Taurus
Gemini 66
Capricorn, Mars' presence in Capricorn will continue for the first days of December life will be full of enchantment. You will now have more capacity to understand where your life is going and how to get back on the correct path. The last few months have seen decisions and emotions taken out of your hands. You will now have greater understanding why these events have happened and the ability to change them. It is not very certain though that you'll have the harmony you are longing for. A conjunction between Venus and Pluto would rather foretell Capricornians strong and troubled emotions, and moments of a dramatic nature. You'll need more strength and diplomacy to channel these rebellious energies to your favor. You'd better have more rest, avoid stress and exhaustion. No matter how busy your schedule is, make sure you take short breaks to relax!
Taurus, let's start with the good news Saturn's icy holds will make a departure from your relationships later this month and will bring you a warmer, more relaxed and more intimate climate. Until December 23rd though you'll have to have a bit more patience. December 2014 will be interesting for Taureans from the point of view of money: you'll receive a generous gift or you'll benefit from some extra earnings or you'll make an investment or other profitable transaction. The event of the month (and even of the year): on December 23rd 2014 Saturn will enter Sagittarius. A period of roughly three years will begin in which Taurus' career objectives will visibly become related to the material interests, and the contacts with the financial or business environments will acquire more importance. Gemini, the stars want Gemini’s to be happy in December 2014. In the first weeks of December 2014 Venus, the planet of love will be making changes to your life Mercury and the Sun will be getting involved as well. It will be an exceptional configuration, which promises good luck with love, fulfillment, positive development in their current relationship, or events that can lead to the birth of a new love. Seize the opportunity when you have it! On the 23rd of December 2014, in Gemini's will change the dynamics for the next three years. The financial area will also be active, but rather tense. The best advice for Gemini will be to take action prudently, avoiding risks, and not to leave unsettled aspects. Don't spend a lot of time indoors this month why not go out, wander around, meet with people, speak to them!
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Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Cancer this month relationships will remain in the spotlight. The first weeks or so will be relatively calm as regards romance. On December 10th Venus, the planet of love will be in cahoots with the Sun and Mercury. This will bring much more enthusiasm to relationships and your love life! You'll need affection even more, your partner will become the center of the universe, and in your turn you'll become the top of their priorities. December is an excellent month for Cancerians with regards your career. You'll continuously be in action, just like any hard-working person full of responsibilities. Moreover, money will consequently come in big amounts. Even if December 2014 will not overwhelm you with gifts, it will reward your efforts generously. Beware, though, of the tendency to spend too much on Christmas and if you can make the most of the holiday try to relax an enjoy it!
Leo, in the middle of the winter, December 2014 will see you Leos far from being cold! Jupiter has been working in the background intensifying your born passionate tendencies. Until December 22nd Venus, Mercury and the Sun, will be working in your favour. And on the 5th Mars, the planet of desire and conquest, will enter Leo's house of relationships. It will be a large-scale display of forces, which will result in important events. Emotions will be extremely strong and their strength will lead to moving love stories, crazy gestures and dramatic fits rather than to peace and harmony. The configuration of December 2014 will show Leos in the best light and can place them in the right place at the right time to seize one great opportunity. For a good balance of the body, Leos will need exercise and involvement in intense physical activities. Get down to work this month, it’s recommended to avoid conflicts though because you won’t win! Virgo, Jupiter, will be changing the dynamics of your relationship something you are very private about. But Jupiter will be so strongly supported by the other planets that it will take the decisions out of your hands. The whole month of December 2014 will have great scope for meeting new people maybe even starting new relationships. Virgo's current interests will mostly revolve around home, properties and money. You'll probably get enthusiastically involved in domestic activities, from doing the cleaning to redecorating or fixing small things around the house, maybe purchasing something for your home, etc. It seems that in December 2014 Virgos will be lucky with money. Be careful though how you keep/administer your money because savings can be eaten up in no time! Don't spread yourself too thinly this month! It's time you planned your time thoroughly.
Libra, the impetuous Mars will energize romantic tendencies starting from the 5th. You'll be on fire and if you are single expect to find new love. December 2014 it will give you the possibility to relaunch your current relationship or to develop strong feelings for somebody who is loyal to you and whom you trust, an older love of yours. Expect to travel a lot in December 2014, will meet a lots of new people your mind will be buzzing. You'll have initiative, you'll get involved in all sorts of procedures, and you’ll have a lot of plans. You will be able to talk yourself in and out of great situations, persuade people in to great deals and have the fastest reactions when it comes to speculating. In addition, you'll make money out of all this. You’ll be very energetic physically it could also be about a sort of over excitement. It is recommended that you do a lot of exercise, walk, spend time outdoors.
Scorpio, the most important event of the month will take place on December 23rd: Saturn will leave Scorpio after a stay of more than two years. At last, you'll relax, you'll regain your appetite for life, and the others will find you more sociable much more fun to be around. On the work front a burden off your shoulders, your career will no longer encounter obstacles. A phase of material responsibilities will begin though, meant to teach Scorpios what wise management of money and financial strategy mean. Chance might take you by surprise this month. Anyway, keep an open eye, because there will be opportunities to wait for: don't miss them! You'll be in great shape and your morale will be high, and it's going to get better and better. You may have feelings of change this month why not take on a project at home replace something old with something new or get some redecorating done!
Sagittarius, December 2014 will be the most cheerful and loving month. Venus will make you sexier, will lend you a more loving mood and will create favorable conditions for love to flourish. Venus will bring Sagittarians harmony and understanding of your partner, and if you're single, may being new love to your door. With regard to your work life the passing of the Sun through Sagittarius promises recognition and success. Chance might creep up on you. Don’t be surprised because there will be opportunities but try not to miss them! There will be glory and bright prospects in store for you, but as regards money you'd better stay cautious. Starting the second part of December, you'd better take it easy. Venus, Pluto and Uranus can generate high stress, conflicts, and unexpected troubles. This is not a good time for taking financial risks. Be careful about your relationships with friends!
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December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 1:34 am Page 69
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puzzle Link The Words
Solutions on page 80
it out
In each of these puzzles, three words are listed. All you have to do is find another word that can preceed each of these 3 words.
1)
____
POST
WRITER
LANGUAGE
3)
____
FIRE
SITE
OUT
____
CUT
BRUSH
SPRAY
2) 4) 5)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ UP ____
CLUB
POWDER TEE
MACHINE COURSE
Guess The Celeb
A
B
Sudoku
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Brain Teaser
Cryptic Riddles 1) I am small as an ant and big as a whale, I can soar through the air like a bird with a tail. I can be seen by day and not by night, I can be seen with a big flash of light. I follow whoever controls me by the sun, but I fade away when dark fell like a ton. What am I? 2) You may enter, but you may not come in, I have space, but no room, I have keys, but open no lock. What am I? 3) I have streets but no pavement, I have cities but no buildings, I have forests but no trees, I have rivers yet no water. What am I?
December 2014 Costa Link Magazine.qxp_Editorial Layout 04/11/14 2:08 am Page 71
Crossword
Across:
1. A bicycle made for 2 (6) 4. A map of the sea (5) 8. Restrict your style (5) 9. Regresses (7) 10. Can't drive without one (7) 11. Stationary or lazy (4) 12. Phonetic note in a scale (3) 14. Boil in the eye (4) 15. Young thugs (4) 18. Female deer (3) 21. Increases (4) 23. Fought in a previous war (7) 25. Bus or train (7) 26. Do up again (5) 27. To grill (5) 28. Brought about (6) Down: 1. Rugby move (6) 2. Nicely trimmed (4-3) 3. Used energy (8) 4. The home of the stalagtite (4) 5. Very dry (5) 6. Savours (6) 7. Sadness (5) 13. Uncontrolled emotion (8) 16. Scolds (7) 17. Type of hound (6) 19. A happening (5) 20. Mean to (6) 22. A torrid event (5) 24. Large beer (4)
Name The Film
A This 2011 film sees a group of hard B working guys find out they've fallen victim to a bankers Ponzi scheme, they conspire to rob his high-rise residence.
A vengeful fairy is driven to curse an infant princess, only to discover that the child may be the one person who can restore peace to their troubled land. (2014)
Say What You See...
SHOT
working
TIME
i fell i fell i fell i fell i fell
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The Jokespage
Jokespage
Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison? Now there is a small medium at large!!
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,' replied the old man. 'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, ‘And how many have you caught?' 'You're the eighth.' An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!” They all asked the farmer how it tasted. “I don’t know,” said the farmer, “I never can catch it!” A Mum and Dad had just finished tucking little Tommy into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children’s room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a 5cent piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, his Dad palmed a 5-cent coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy’s ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully “Do it again, Dad!” 72
Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh for the Christmas festivities. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight sweater. She made the three priests very nervous so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window.. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled. The third priest moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, I must say, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia! Where does Santa go when he's sick? To the elf centre!
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puzzle
it out
Trivia Quiz Answers
1) Iceland 2) George Orwell 3) Gelatine 4) Apples 5) Italy 6) 432 7) Lord Baden Powell 8) Kim Kardashian 9) Vulcan 10) Melbourne 11) Rodgers and Hammerstein 12) Graham Garden and Bill Oddie 13) The Who 14) Donkey 15) John Wayne 16) 1945 17) Barnes Wallis 18) Sir Francis Drake 19) 1939 20) Skyfall 21) Robbie Williams 22) Neil Diamond 23) Dexy’s Midnight Runners 24) Vincent Van Gogh 25) Scalene 26) Oxygen 27) 8 28) Direct Current 29) Peristalsis 30) 206
Answers from 22, 70 & 71
Link The Words 1) Sign
2) Washing 3) Camp 4) Golf
5) Hair
Guess The Celeb a) Katy Perry
b) Zach Galifianakis
Brain Teaser 1) A Shadow
2) A Computer 3) A Map
Crossword Solution
Sudoku Solution
O A
S
Name The Film
a) Tower Heist (2011) b) Maleficent (2014)
Say What You See 1) Shot in the Dark
2) Working Overtime
80
3) Eiffel Tower
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