Costa Link Magazine January 2011

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C o s t a l I n k m ma ag ga az z ii n ne e COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - INCLUDING FUENGIROLA, LA CALA, CALAHONDA, ELVIRIA, MARBELLA, PUERTO BANUS, SAN PEDRO, ESTEPONA, LA DUQUESA, SABINILLAS, SOTOGRANDE, ALHAURIN & COÍN.

JANUARY 2011 NO. 46

W W W. C O S TA L I N K M A G A Z I N E . C O M WWW.COSTALINKMAGAZINE.COM

Jokes H o ro s c o p e s

Local Info Bar & Restaurant Guide

Kids Page What’s On Guide Puzzles

FREE See Page 35

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Ed’s Note

Contact Us Tel: 663 061 669 Email:

Welcome to 2011 - I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year Celebrations – If like me you are feeling bloated we have a detox in a bowl sales@costalinkmagazine.com recipe for you and a detox cocktail to help you ease into the new year. The start of not only a new year - also a new www.costalinkmagazine.com decade, it only seems a couple of years since we were looking forward to the start of a new millennium and dreading the millennium bug – that never happened! costalink.magazine So what has 2011 got in store for us - Are you Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 looking forward to the parties and parades for Three Kings on the 5th? How many sweets can Deadline Date: 15th of each you catch during the festivities (I managed 14 month. last year)?! One of the most important events is No part of this publication, including this year is a wedding that will have most of the pictures may be copied, SCANNED, world glued to the TV in April. Also in April the used or reproduced without our prior Space Shuttle will undertake its final mission written consent. before retirement. Costa Link Magazine accepts no So make a list of new resolutions and try to keep responsibility for alterations to events listed, to them for the whole of this month. And as they claims made by our advertisers or say in Spain - Feliz Año Nuevo..... information provided by our contributors.

Website: Skype:

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Puzzles

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A W o m a n’ s W o r l d Dieting New Year 2. Hold tightly onto the basin stand Resolutions..... and gradually release the weight of the body onto the scale. 2007: I will get my weight 3 . Make sure needle placedown below 180 pounds. ment is accurate by cautiously 2008: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds. 2009: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight. 2010: I will work out 3 days a week. 2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

When using bathroom scales, these simple rules must be followed: 1. Always place the scale on thick shag pile carpeting.

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adjusting the little round knob on the centre-front, very slowly to the left. (Zero is a wide number and should be treated accordingly.) 4. WARNING: Stay away from digital scales. (They are not properly adjustable and therefore inaccurate.) 5. Do not weigh yourself constantly. Every time you stand on the scales it stretches the little springs and wing nuts inside - the result, even with no weight gain whatsoever, is that the scale makes you appear to weigh a little more each time.


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Celebrities and their relationships are always in the media spotlight, in 2010 we saw many couples make up and break up. We at Costa Link got to thinking which ones work and which ones don’t and why..... David & Victoria Beckham: They have Staying Power, Victoria and David are no stranger to rumors of affairs, which have plagued them since 2004. Still, they've been together for 12 years now (and married 10), and they have three sons together: Cruz, Romeo and Brooklyn. If these two were going to split, it seems like it would have already happened. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: Who would have thought that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would end up traveling the world, adopting children, and falling in love? The couple met on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith in 2005 but kept quiet on their status since Brad was still married to Jennifer Aniston. Brangelina have since adopted three children, and have three biological children together. They have also said that they won’t tie the knot until all couples can legally marry. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: From their engagement atop the Eiffel Tower to the birth of baby Suri, everything has been over-hyped for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. After Suri’s arrival in April 2006, the two took the plunge in November of the same year. Critics have called the marriage everything from a publicity stunt to a sham, but the couple remain intact. Con’t on page 10...

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COSTALINKMAGAZINEŠ2011


..... s Not ’ o h W

Hot Goss !

Here are a few of the celeb splits witnessed in 2010..... Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar: Hurley announced her separation from Nayar in December 2010; reports about an affair with Australian cricket legend Shane Warne were to blame. Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson: Their five-year relationship reportedly became strained as Henson's athletic career began to falter while Church became a multi-million dollar industry unto herself. Charlotte has said her new relationship with Jonathan Powell is already doomed stating “I won’t have a man this New Year”. Although Gavin has been booted out of strictly he still appears to be getting cosy with his partner Katya Virshilas. Ashley Cole and Cheryl Cole: Split early in 2010, both seem to be on the way to recovery. Cheryl is dating Derek Hough at the mo while Ashley has hooked up with ex-lap dancer Sarah Purnell. Others include: Courteney Cox and David Arquette, Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes & Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy 2011 is already shaping up to have a number of break up’s... Katie Price (Reid) & Alex Reid (Both have been spotted on a date’s – not with each other Alex with Rosanna EdenEllis. Katie was on a date with Amir Khan in Las Vegas. Jordan has been heard saying: I'll marry a Footballer Next. Coleen & Wayne Rooney: The Rooney’s are considering a trial separation; Coleen is struggling to rebuild her marriage after so many indiscretions on Wayne’s side.

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Fancy taking up a new hobby this year? Why not take up a new language...... Cockney anyone!

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Adam and Eve - believe ('would you adam and eve it?') Alan Wickers - knickers Basil (Basil Fawlty) - balti (curry) Battle Cruiser - Boozer (pub) Bobble (Bobble hat and scarf) - laugh ("you're having a bobble", ie., you cannot be serious) Brass Tacks - Facts ('let's get down to brass tacks') Chalfonts (Chalfont St Giles) - piles (Haemorrhoids) Christmas crackered - knackered (wornout,exhausted,etc) Dickie Dirt - shirt D Oyly Carte - fart Duch (duchess of Fife) - wife ('me old Duch') Dunlop Tyre - liar Elephants (elephants trunk) - drunk Greens (greengages) - wages (money) Hampstead Heath - teeth Hillman Hunter - punter (customer - Hillman Hunter was a car from the 1960s) Irish (jig) - wig Jack Jones - alone, (on your own - 'On your Jack') Jackanory - story (tall tale) Continued on page 20

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1. What colour snow fell over an area of 1,500 sq. km. in Siberia on Feb 2 2007? a. Orange b. Black c. Pink d. Gold 2. The following words are from which song? "Don't be a naughty Eskimo" 3. Each of the following mean snow in which European language? a. Sneeuw b. Lumi c. Schnee d. Neve e. Snieg 4. Who had a hit song in the late 60s with Hazy Shade Of Winter? 5. Which director said "Blondes make the best victims. They are like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints"? 6. What are Mukluks? 7 After she eats the poison apple the seven dwarfs, believing her to be dead, place Snow White in what? 8. In which country were the first Winter Olympic Games held in 1924? 9. Can you name some famous sled dog breeds given the following clues? a. first letter M, last letter E b. first letter S, last letter D 10. Each of the following all mean what in Europe? alvi, inverno, zima and tel. 11. Which Sir played Richard Lionheart in the prize winning 1968 film The Lion In Winter? 12. Which name is given to the battle that took place in severe winter conditions in the Ardennes between 16 December 1944 and 25 January 1945? 13. Who had a hit song on both sides of the Atlantic in 1969 with Winter World Of Love? 14. Which 'winter' film opens with the following text? "This is a true story. The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987" 15. What is the more common name for the legume called Mangetout?

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A story about the dangers of country sports A ventriloquist was driving through Devon when his car broke down near a farm. He found the farmer who let him use the phone in his outhouse to call for a breakdown truck. While they made their way to the farmhouse the ventriloquist thought he would have some fun with the farmer by pretending the animals could speak. They passed a horse in a paddock. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, "Is that your horse?" The farmer replied, "It be." The ventriloquist asked, "Can he talk?" The farmer said, "Don't be daft, of course 'e can't speak." The ventriloquist then said to the horse, "So, how do you like it here?" Then he threw his voice, and said in a horse-like tone, "Oh, it's pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats." The farmer was startled and quickened his pace. Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, "Is this your cow?" and the farmer replied, "That it be." He then asked, "Does it talk?" and the farmer replied, "Don't talk crap!" The ventriloquist asked the cow, "How do you like it here?" and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, "Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me." Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking. Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, "Are these your sheep?" and the farmer replied warily, "They might be..." He then asked, "Do they talk?" "Don't ee go askin' them sheep nuffink! They tells lies!"

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THE VICAR’S C CA AT T A salutary tale of the dangers of Media exposure A Lady Vicar wanted to raise money for her Church, and on being told by her Verger that there was a fortune to be made in dog racing, decided to buy a greyhound and enter it in the Town races. "So where can I get a pedigree racing greyhound?" she asked him. "At the local dog auction", replied the Verger. When she got to the auction, the going price for any breed of dog was so high that she ended up buying a cat instead. "I feel a complete idiot", she told the Verger the next day. "Why?" he asked. "It's got four legs and a tail, hasn't it?" "Well - yes...""And cats usually outrun dogs, don't they?" "I suppose so", she replied doubtfully. "So why not enter it in the races". "A cat in a dog race?" "Why not, there's nothing against it in the rules." "Well..." "What have you got to lose?" "Alright - you've convinced me." So she entered the cat in the next day's race and to her astonishment it came in third. The Verger was so delighted that he told the story to his mate on the local paper. The paper published the story on an inside page with the headline: "Local Vicar shows off her pussy" The Vicar was so pleased with the cat that she entered it in the next race the following week and this time it won. This caused such a sensation in the town that the local paper published a report on the front page that read: "VICAR'S PUSSY OUT IN FRONT!" The Bishop was so upset by the publicity the Vicar was getting that he ordered her not to enter the cat in another race. The Verger told the paper. The next issue carried the headline: "BISHOP SCRATCHES VICAR'S PUSSY" This was too much for the Bishop. "Get rid of the cat!" he shouted down the telephone to the Vicar. "Or you can start looking for a new vocation!" The Vicar decided to give the cat to the nuns in a nearby convent. But the paper knew when it was on to a good story and the next day the following headline was splashed across the front page: "NUNS HAVE BEST PUSSY IN TOWN!" When he read this the Bishop fainted. An hour later he was on the telephone to the Mother Superior. "Get rid of that damn cat! I don't care what you do with it so long as it's out of my diocese and out of the paper!" So the Mother Superior sold the cat to a farmer in the next town. Next day the paper read: "NUN SELLS HER PUSSY FOR A TENNER!" This Bishop had a heart attack. When he came out of hospital three weeks later he ordered the Vicar to buy back the cat and set it free in the local woods where, he added hopefully "The foxes should make short work of the evil little moggie!" Unfortunately, the cat was caught by poachers who sold it to the local butcher where it was bought by the chef of a Chinese restaurant. Next day the paper read: "BISHOP EATS VICAR'S PUSSY" The Bishop was buried the following Wednesday.

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A M a n’s W o r l d A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of 5,000€ and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make-up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and

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Medical Tips Male Body Service Manual... You know how you're supposed to check the oil every 3,000 miles on your car and how you need to periodically flush the radiator and the transmission, well, sometimes men are better at routine maintenance on their cars than they are on their own bodies. This checklist is designed to be a maintenance schedule for your body. It lets you know, based on your age, how frequently you should check into the various operating systems of your body and maintain good health. Physical Examination: You should periodically have a review with your Health centre about your current health status and a general discussion about where your health is heading. From age 2040, you should have a full health screen every 2 years; from age 40 upwards you should have one every year. This will look at all aspects of your health from the hair on your head to your toes and all bits in-between. You should consider this to be your body’s MOT a necessity to ensure you get the best out of your body. Blood Pressure: Checking out your blood pressure for signs of hypertension should be done every year. A blood pressure reading of 120/70 is normal. Current medical studies suggest the need for early or pre-hypertensive treatment should this be required. Blood Tests and Urinalysis: These tests should be done in the same frequency as your physical exam. In these tests, your health centre will be looking for cholesterol, diabetes, kidney problems, urinary problems or thyroid dysfunction. Electrocadiogram: The ECG test should be done at age 30 to establish your baseline rate, then every 4 years until you reach 40, after this it should be done as part of your annual health MOT. This test screens for any abnormalities of the heart muscle. Tetanus Shot: If you're like me, you recall that tetanus shots are no fun. But if you live any kind of active lifestyle, you should have a booster every ten years no matter what your age. PSA Blood Test: The Prostate Specific Antigen test measures that quantity of PSA produced by your prostate. The level of PSA rises when you have an infection, an enlargement or a cancer in your prostate. If you are over 40, you should have this test annually. If you are in a high risk category (African American men or those with a family history of prostate cancer), you should start these annual tests at age 30 or earlier. Hemoccult: This test screens for blood in your stool, which can be an early indication of polyps or cancer in the colon. This test should be done annually if you are over age 40 or earlier if you have a family history. Testosterone Screening: If you have symptoms like low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, fatigue or depression, you may want to ask your health centre about a testosterone screening. This is done with a blood test supplemented by a questionnaire. Self-Exams: Without going to your health centre, you can look for yourself for changes that may occur in your body and affect its functioning. You should check your skin for changing moles. You should check your testicles for any lumps, or changes in size, shape or feel as well as your breast tissue. We recommend a monthly check is a good idea. Don’t ignore symptoms they rarely go away and peace of mind is priceless. Sexually Transmitted Diseases: If you are sexually active and at risk for an STD, you should be checked periodically. Don’t ignore unpleasant symptoms because your to embarrassed. Some STD’s can have a long term impact on your health if left untreated. Always use a condom. Taking a few precautions now and investing a little time and money in preventive maintenance on your body will pay big dividends later and increase the chances of enjoying a longer and healthier life. Take a proactive approach to your health

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A Nurse led service providing an innovative and holistic approach to healthcare that brings the values and practices of a British Health Centre to the Costa del Sol, enabling you to access a service that is familiar. •Well Womens Clinic (Cervical Smears, breast examinations) •Full Health Assessments •Dyslexia Assessments •Complimentary Therapists •Counseling service •Hypertension management

•Community Mental Health team Mens Health Clinic (Includes PSA, Testicular examination) •Care Coordination Centre •Asthma Clinic •Diabetes Management •Vaccination Clinics

Tel: 952 83 57 76 www.clinicamedicare.com Located in La Cala de Mijas just around the corner from the BP petrol station. Ample parking. &/0

Marbella Nannies Marbella Nannies help with all your home and childcare needs: +RXVHNHHSHUV 1DQQLHV 0DWHUQLW\ 1XUVH

Call: 0034 677 535 461 Email: info@marbellanannies.com

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NEW YEAR NEW JOB?

Well we all start a thinking when the New Year rolls in what we can do to make a change! Why not get a new job. Here are some handy hints and tips that may help (or maybe not)...... What not to write on your CV: • “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse” • “1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force” • Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians” • “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.” • Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c” • “Job involved counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available” • “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people” • “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer” • “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.” • “Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with” • “I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. • My school advised me to fix my punctuality ” • How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.” • A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages”. • Work experience: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” • “Directed £25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.” •“On the line that asked what “sex” he was, he wrote “occasionally”. Ways to succeed at a new job 1. If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’ 2. If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’ 3. If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’ 4. If you don’t know how it could possibly be done call it a ‘challenge’ or an ‘exciting opportunity’ 5. If you want to confuse people, ask them about ‘customers’ 6. If you don’t know how to do something, ‘empower’ someone else to do it for you 7. If you can’t take decisions, ‘create space’ for others to operate 8. If you need a decision, call a ‘workshop’ to ‘network’ and ‘ground the issue’, followed by an ‘awayday’ to ‘position the elephant in the room’ and achieve ‘buy-in’ 9. Never criticize or boast, call it ‘information sharing’ 10. Never call something a failure or mistake, its a ‘positive learning experience’ 11. Never argue, have an ‘adult conversation’

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BAR & RESTAURANT

Guide.....

40


Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas.

The Detox... Not only does this taste great – the superfood ingredients will help keep that hangover at bay (we couldn’t leave out the alcohol, SORRY!) Ingredients

6 fresh blueberries 6 red currants 35ml of vodka 15ml of crème de cassis Spiced berry cordial Fresh lime Pomegranate juice Method

Place the blueberries and red currants in the bottom of a glass. Then add the vodka, crème de cassis and a dash of spiced berry cordial. Squeeze in the juice from one whole lime and top off with pomegranate juice. Serve on the rocks in a highball glass.

Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

HONG KONG

CHI ESE RESTAURA T


Snack Attack Cafe - Bar Due to popular demand Snack Attack is now open on Sundays 10am - 4pm for Breakfast, Lunch and our popular ROAST DINNER 2 courses for only 10€

Open from 7.30 for Quality Breakfast, Lunch and Sandwiches

GREAT VALUE BREAKFAST ONLY 3.95€

LUNCH TIME SPECIALS (changes daily) KITCHEN NOW OPEN UNTIL 6PM Early EVENING TAPAS AVAilable Everything available as take away for days out Why not take a baguette of your choice to the Local 26 Jardín Botánico, beach or airport? La Cala de Mijas NOW IN OUR 8 T H YEAR Tel: 952 493 184

On the Sunny Side of the Street


Take Away

952 930 717 Tuesday To Sunday 10am to 10pm Please Order 1 Hour Before For Our Best Service

Find Us Behind OPEN COR Riviera Edif. El Saladito 2, BC 3, Urb.Riviera del Sol, 29649 Mijas Costa

Mama Nostra

Golden Sun

Traditional Italian food & grill. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only â‚Ź6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

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Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda


If you like most of us have over indulged over the festive period then this one pot wonder is a must! Tasty, healthy and warming.....YUM

Recipe:

A Detox in a bowl...

450 g thick-cut ham, chopped 2.4 litres chicken stock 4 tbsp pearl barley 4 tbsp Puy lentils 2 medium diced onions 5 carrots 2 parsnips, diced 1/2 swede, diced 2 sprigs thyme 2 bay leaves 1 sprigs parsley 450 g potatoes, in their skins, diced 1 small Savoy cabbage 1 chopped leek 4 tbsp chopped parsley 400 g tinned red kidney beans, drained & 4 tbsp snipped chives

1. Put the ham in a saucepan and cover with stock. Bring to the boil and skim off any nasty bits that rises to the surface. 2. Add the pearl barley and lentils and bring back up to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Add the onions, carrots, parsnips, swede, pepper, thyme, bay leaves and parsley. Bring back to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer gently for a further 15 minutes. 3. Add the potatoes and cabbage and return to the boil. Simmer until they are just tender, about 15 minutes. Add the chopped leek and parsley and cook for a further 5 minutes or until the leek is just tender. 4. Add the beans and warm through. Ladle into soup bowls and serve sprinkled with chives.


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IIndian ndian R Restaurant est taurant

Fantastic F ant a ta astic In Indian ndian Cuisine Lovely Surroundings Lovel ly S urroundings Friendly Courteous Friendly C ourteous Service Service Take Away delivery Service Tak a eA way & Home del ivery Ser vice AM MARBELLA ARBELLA

C/.Califa, C /.Califa, n.º n.º 6 P Portal ortal C C,, Edificio LLas as LLolas olas 29660 29660 Nueva Nueva A ndalucia Edificio Andalucia

N340 N34 N 34 340

Bull Ring R ing

Jasmine J Ja asmine

IIndian ndian R Restaurant est taurant

PUERTO P PUER TO BANUS

952 9 52 8 81 15 51 18 82 2

Centro Centro Plaza P laza

A ESTEPONA

What’s On

1st January - PAD SPONSORED SWIM IN THE SEA - Meet at the Caribbean Bar in Carvajal around Midday, register at 1pm, swim starts 2pm, the swimmers have HOT TODDYS before and SOUP & BREAD afterwards. Auction and raffle prizes. Sponsor forms at the PAD Shelter, Caribbean bar or email info@padcatsanddogs.org Three Kings Procession everywhere in Spain Wednesday, 5th January, 2011 - Every village and every city in Spain celebrates the Three Kings (or the Three Wise Men, as they are sometimes known in the UK). In the evening, a procession goes through the village or city. Gifts, in the form of boiled sweets, are thrown to the crowds, and children young and old scrabble about for the gift. A special cake is also eaten, and if you find the figurine or coin contained in the cake - then, depending on the family tradition, either you pay for the cake, or you can expect good luck in the coming year. The cakes are taken by every family, almost without exception.Celebrated in Mijas, Fuengirola, Marbella, San Pedro etc.....

Guide

30th January - PAD RAFFLE APPEAL DRAW at La Venta - The draw will be at La Venta close to the shelter Lunch starts at 2pm and the draw will be at 3pm. Menu: Tomato soup or Salad Grilled Dorada or Chicken with Garlic or Grilled kebab or Vegeterian Kebab Dessert or Coffee and Wine, Beer and Water. Tickets 5 euros each Lunch 15 euros Call Lisa 658 351 642

Advertise Here Call: 663 061 669



Marbella Technical chn Servicess S

Electricity LED lighting Garden lighting

Technic Technical cal Service Maintenance Maintenance Consultancy Cons ultancy

Plumbing Decalcification Heating

Salt Water Pump Systems Ph control control

952 92 96 96

22 55 02 622 22

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Health Centres

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

86 48

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st January 2011 - New Years Day / Public Holiday 5th January 2011 - Is the eve of the Three Kings Day, Dia de Reyes. There are parades throughout Andalucia. 6th January 2011 - Three Kings Day / Public Holiday 17th January 2011 - Local holiday in Alhaurin el Grande and Malaga. 25th January 2011 - Burns night.

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669


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teleweb internet & telephone just got better! tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.


2011 New Movies A packed slate of anticipated sequels will dominate the 2011 summer. Giant robots, hope to match Transformers: Rise of the Fallen's box office performance. Disney have Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Pixar's Cars 2. Warner Bros. surprise hit The Hangover will be back, but far away from the Vegas strip this time. The X-Men franchise will return to the beginning of Professor X's career with X-Men: First Class and a new batch mutants. Further sequels include, George Miller's Happy Feet 2; a third installment of Alvin and the Chipmunks; Journey to the Center of the Earth 2; Spy Kids 4; and A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas. And of course, the final installment in The Harry Potter series ‒ The Deathly Hallows Part Two and the next installment in The Twilight Saga ‒ Breaking Dawn. Superheroes will have a strong presence on the big screen too. The Green Hornet, finally hits cinemas in January. Marvel Studiosʼ Thor, and Captain America: The First Avenger, starring Chris Evans in the title role. Warner Bros. are releasing the DC Comics adaptation The Green Lantern in 3D. More than 25 movies are expected to be released in 3D throughout the year. Titles include: the James Cameron produced Sanctum; untitled Justin Bieber life story and concert movie; Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots; Zack Snyderʼs Sucker Punch; Paul Bettany starrer Priest; and live-action/CG comedy The Smurfs. There are a number of classics that have been re-made. Watch out for remakes of The Mechanic, Straw Dogs, Footloose, A Star Is Born, An American Werewolf in London, Arthur, Death Wish, Poltergeist, Red Sonja, Short Circuit, The Blob, The Crow, The Jetsons, The Lavender Hill Mob, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and Total Recall. Some of the anticipated releases dates are: January 2011: Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage & The Green Hornet May 2011: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides & Kung Fu Panda 2 June 2011: X-Men: First Class & Cars 2 July 2011: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II, Captain America: The First Avenger Friends with Benefits August 2011: The Smurfs 3D, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World & Final Destination 5 September 2011: Johnny English Reborn October 2011: Footloose, The Three Musketeers & Paranormal Activity 3 November 20114: Puss in Boots, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Happy Feet 2 in 3-D & The Greatest Muppet Movie Ever Made December 2011: Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, Alvin and the Chipmunks 3D, Sherlock Holmes 2, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas & The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn


ADOPT-A-DOG

This is Marmite. She is very small cross-breed and is approximately 1 year old. She is very friendly and loves lots of cuddles. If you are interested in Marmite, please contact Pat Coleman on: 620 354 885 or if you are looking to adopt a different dog, please visit the adoption tab on our website www.f-a-m-a.net, where you will find many more looking for a home.


From the Horses Mouth

Living with a Rig... If your horse bites, squeals, fights with other horses and tries to mount mares, chances are he is a rig. He will behave like a stallion, and could be a potential danger to other horses also may be fertile! Read on and discover what a rig is and how to spot the signs also what steps you can take to restore calm to his life and yours. What is a Rig? A rig is a male horse who has an un descended testicle, this means that the testicle is sitting in the stomach, where it originated, as long as these horses have not had their descended testicle removed , they are easy to spot as they have only one testicle. However the problem arises when these horses have the descended testicle removed, but the un descended testicle remains in the stomach. These horses are unknowingly sold as geldings, but still have the hormones of a stallion; often these horses are new to their owner. What causes a un descending testicle? When the horse is developing in the uterus, the testis develop close to the kidneys, as development continues signal within the foetus cause the testi to be pulled forward towards the scrotum. Sometimes the signals go wrong and the testis doesn’t move or it gets stuck in the abdominal wall, this condition usually only affects one testi, usually the left one, but occasionally affects both. Rigs not only behave like stallions but they can be fertile, which could be a big shock if you thought you had bought a gelding. The main treatment option is to remove the un descended testicle, if it is sitting inside the abdomen, it may be possible to anaesthetise the horse and make a cut into the scrotum and remove it that way. However if it is in an unknown position, surgery may be more invasive, and may be removed with the horse sedated standing. Using a camera into the abdomen called a laparoscope. Once this procedure has been completed things will quieten down, and the rig will become a gelding and the stallion like behaviour will be no more, peace and tranquillity will take its place.


GARDE CE TER L I D AV I S TA

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

CLM©2008

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Strange but true... It’s snow joke.....

A woman dialled 999 to report a theft - of a snowman outside her house. Not a very n-ice thing to experience, we're sure you'll agree. However, police took a dim view of her 'emergency' call. Kent Police described the call as 'completely irresponsible', especially in light of the fact that the sub-zero conditions led to thousands of extra calls flooding their lines. In the hope of clarifying the difference between a call that wastes police time and one that demands a response, a transcript of the snowman theft call has been issued. In it, the woman tells the 999 operator: 'There's been a theft from outside my house. 'I haven't been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he's gone.' The operator asks 'Who's gone?' and the woman replies: 'My snowman.

'I thought that with it being icy and there not being anybody about, he'd be safe.' The incredulous operator asks her: 'Do you mean an ornament?' The woman replies: 'No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself. 'It ain't a nice road but you don't expect anybody to nick your snowman.' The operator then tells her that it is an emergency line and she should not be ringing it to report the theft of a snowman, pound coins and teaspoons or not. Chief Inspector Simon Black, from Kent Police's said: 'This call could have cost someone's life if there was a genuine emergency and they couldn't get through. 'It was completely irresponsible. 'We have spoken to her and advised her what is a 999 call, and this clearly was not. We suspect that if the police did hunt the culprits, the trail would go cold pretty quickly.

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106.1FM THIS MONTH’S WINNING REGISTRATION NUMBER IS 4863 FXF WHO WINS €200!!! Prizes must be claimed within 30 days of publication of this magazine. To claim your prize please call: 952 462 092

54

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www.drainandleak.com

CLM©2008


DID You Know..... • The human heart beats over 100,000 times a day • Studies have proven that it is harder to tell a convincing lie to someone you find sexually attractive • Onions have no flavor, only a smell • Football players run on average as many as 6 miles during the course of a game • Red wine will spoil if exposed to light; hence tinted bottles • One quarter of the bones in the human body is in the feet • Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed (pawed). • The largest hummus dish was prepared in Lebanon. It weighed 10,452 Kg. • Some kinds of sharks lay the biggest eggs in the world; most other kinds of sharks give live birth. • The blue whale can produce the loudest sound of any animal. At 188 decibels, the noise can be detected over 800 kilometres away • The eyes of the chameleon can move independently. It can see in two different directions at the same time • The total weight of skin for an average adult human is 6 pounds. • The world record for time without sleep is 264 hours ( ~11 days) by Randy Gardner in 1965 • You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV • Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump • Cold showers stimulate your sex drive • Registered in 1985, symbolics.com is the first ever internet domain registered • Among older men, vanilla is the most erotic smell • Lima beans contain cyanide • Frogs use their eyes to help them eat their food: frogs can pull their eyes inward toward the mouth to help push the food down their throat • Fortune cookies were actually invented in America (not China), in 1918, by Charles Jung • Some people in Japan bath in coffee grounds that were fermented with pineapple pulp to improve their skin and reduce wrinkles • Some kinds of frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue living • A snail can sleep for three years • February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon • In Korea and other East Asian countries, the age of the person is counted from conception and not physical birth • The people in Bali only have one of four names: Wayan, Made, Nyoman, and Ketut • There are more pyramids in Peru than in Egypt • The Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt holds a constant temperature of 68 degrees Fahrenheit

56


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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 72

Quick Crossword Across 1. Perspicacious (9) 6. Egg-shaped object (5) 7. Vacuous (5) 9. The night before (3) 10. Display of bad temper (7)

11. Get (7) 14. Large antelope (3) 16. Musical drama (5) 17. Melodies (5) 18. Rife (9)

Down 1. Range (5) 2. Monstrous (9) 3. Trainee (5) 4. Vegetable (5) 5. Cherished desire (5) 8. Hubris (9) 11. Fragrance (5) 12. Picture (5)

13. Minor actor in a crowd scene (5) 15. Distressed (5)

Logic Puzzle

Sudoku

How many words can you make from the letters in the wheel? Each word must contain the hub letter C. Can you find a 9-letter word and at least 20 other words of five letters or more avoiding proper nouns?

Brain Teaser A man transports a fox, a duck and corn in a boat. The boat is only capable of transporting himself and one of the other three with each crossing. Question: How did he succeed in crossing them all without letting the fox eat the duck or the duck eat the corn?

58

Say What You See...

RIGHT

YOUR

iiiiiiiii

CHMADEINA



NEWS

From Our Advertisers... ESPRIT DISPLAYS is a total home and commercial improvements company, established 10 years on the coast. Operating from our showroom on the Mijas Pueblo Road we offer a fast, friendly and reliable service to all our customers, priding ourselves on our standard of work and affordable prices. Our vast product range includes, Awnings (automatic or manual), Persianas (Security Shutters) for Doors and Windows (both Auto or Manual), Glass Curtains, Double Glazing, UPVC and Aluminium Windows and Doors, also available in wood effect. Blinds – Vertical, Venetian, Roman, Pleated in many designs, fabrics and colours. Electric Sensor Doors and a unique Mosquito Screen System for Doors and Windows in all colours. We also offer a very cost-effective repair service which is very worthwhile for the property rental market as well as domestic. A free site survey and no obligation quote service is offered and we wish to stress that all our installations are, without fail, to the highest standards and guaranteed for up to five years and we will beat any quote. We are also experienced in Commercial properties. If you would like to take a look at our work, why not check out La Sala Restaurant in Puerto Banus, where we recently installed Glass Curtains and Awnings. Our work speaks for itself! Why not let us improve your business? Esprit Displays really is the one stop Home Improvement shop from complete Extensions to one Mosquito Screen we do it all. Come see us at our showroom in Mijas. Opening Hours: Mon – Fri 9:30 am to 5:00 pm Telephone: 952 593 101 Mobile: 671 732 204 Website: www.espritdisplays.com E-Mail: info@espritdisplays.com

60


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FINANCIAL

Economic & Currency News... 2011 – The Year Ahead for Spain. As recently as 2007, Espagne was an impressive creator of jobs and growth. It invested in Japanese-style bullet trains, producing a rail network that was the envy of the globe. Those days where over as the recession hit, giving rise to 20% unemployment and the economy shrinking, as other European countries grew. Unfortunately it’s unlikely that 2011 will not see meaningful growth for Spain, with predictions of less than 1% growth. What was the ninth biggest economy in 2009, will soon be 12th, behind Russia, India and Canada. Fiscal austerity and labour reform will get it’s first full-year trials in 2011, the deficit is expected to fall from 10% to 7%. Residential construction is expected to take longer to fix, with banks holding around 200,000 newly built homes, as part of a 60 Billion Euro debt-for-asset swap with developers. Many of these properties are likely to be dumped on the market in 2011. “Repossessed homes for sale in Spain may triple in number in 2011 owing to new accounting rules that push banks to shed depreciating assets more quickly”, according the co-founder of Pisos Embargoes de Bancos. “The Spanish banking sector faces enormous challenges in 2011. Deflating real estate and construction sectors and a bleak macroeconomic outlook indicate that asset quality will continue to deteriorate and the loan portfolio will contract, with profitability heavily impacted as a result. In light of this, further restructuring, consolidation and capital injections will likely be required. Broadly speaking, we believe that the age of easy credit expansion is over, particularly for heavily indebted countries such as Spain. “ states a report from Business Monitor International Opinion polls are showing that Zapetero is a potential liability for the Socialist party, which may lead to an announcement that he will not lead the party into the 2012 elections. Zaperto has been a reluctant reformer, having refused to admit that Spain’s problems were as much self-inflicted as part of the credit crunch. It was only the threat of the euro zone sovereign-debt crisis that forced his hand into austerity measures. Fig. 1. A map of how Spain’s unemployment compares to the rest of the world.

Written by our financial expert James Alexander. If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us – sales@costalinkmagazine.com or on 663 061 669.

62


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Our extensive knowledge of the current building regulations can help you create the perfect windows, door or screen Telephone - 952 805 267 Mobile - 600 082 288 info@tecnoaluminio.com - www.tecnoaluminio.com Workshop - C/Cerrillo, 4 Poligono Industrial, 29680 Estepona. Telephone 951 273 933 Showroom - Nueva Estebbuna, C/ Monterosso, 82 Estepona . Telephone 952 825 267 Opposite the Wednesday Market in Estepona


LOOKIE LOOKIE Fake Cars...

We have all seen the fake watches and hand bags that we are plagued with on the beach during the summer, but the Chinese seemed to have stepped up a gear or two! Here are some of the cars on sale in China for a fraction of the price of their look-a-likes.

BMW X5 or Shauanghan CEO

Rolls Royce Phantom or Geely Ge

Fiat Panda or Great Wall Peri

Hummer or Dongfang

Mercedes CLK or BYD S8

Mini Cooper or Lifan

64

Mercedes C Class or Geely



Golfing truths, sayings and cliches

GolfinG Funnies

• A golf gift given to you at Christmas by a non-golfer is always unsuitable. • A vacuum is the space between your ears that becomes entirely void of matter once you set foot on the course. • After 36 holes in broiling heat, there are never any clean towels for a shower. And the bar has just closed. • All forms of wildlife on a golf course are there for the express purpose of putting you off. • Always concede the fourth putt. • Bunkers have the unnerving habit of rushing out to meet your ball. • Coincidentally the only remaining set of clubs in the professional's shop was made especially for you. • Curing the faults in your swing can never be affected in just one lesson from a professional. • Curly, downhill, left-to-right putts are usually followed by curly, uphill, right-to-left putts. • Delicate chip shots over bunkers always catch the top of the bank and fall back. • During the first round with a brand new set of clubs, the ball has to be played from a road. • Electric trolleys always break down at the furthest point from the clubhouse. • Finding the key to a better game means opening a lot of doors. • Foursomes golf means always having to say you're sorry. • Golf is like sex: afterwards you feel you should have scored at little better. • Golf is the only game in which you fail to win 99 per cent of the time. • Greens are hollow-tined and dressed the day before a competition. • Handicaps are designed to keep you in your place. • Hitting an iron off the tee for safety means same direction, less distance. • If a golfer wishes to give you a blow-by-blow account of his round, ask him to start with his final putt on the 18th green. • If a good course is one where you play to your handicap or better and a bad course is one where you struggle to break 100, why are there so many bad courses ? • If the club is burgled, your clubs are never stolen. And if they are, you are underinsured. • If there is one solitary tree located on a hole, your ball will find it with unerring accuracy. • If you are giving strokes in a match it's always too many: if you are receiving them it's never enough. • If you are playing well in a competition, your partner will tell you that if you keep it up you must win. This remark ensures that you finish with a string of double-bogeys. • If you find your ball in the woods, it is unplayable. If a professional finds his ball in woods, not only is it playable but he can hit it onto the green.


Golfing at its best in the Costa del Sol

GREEN FEES 1st Dec 2010 – 15th Feb 2011 18 Holes 45.00€ 9 Holes 26.00€ 2 Ball Package 110.00€ (2 Green Fees & 1 Buggy) Twilight (18 Holes)

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(If booked 7 days in advance) SHARES FOR ONLY 2,500€ Includes: -Share ownership -Immediate membership -Unlimited golf for the the whole of 2011. -Competitions and Restaurant discounts.

Miraflores Golf Restaurant Open for Lunch and Dinner to members and the public, serving fantastic food every day and with entertainment 3 nights a week.

Spikes Bar Breakfasts and a variety of snacks served daily from early till late. Speciality live entertainment nights every other Wednesday and every Sunday afternoon. For info on all events call the restaurant or see local posters.

Restaurant Reservations: Tel: 952 931 941 / 952 932 545 Email: reservations@mirafloresgolfrestaurant.com Information on Shares: Tel: 952 934 095 Email: sonia@miraflores-golf.com

Miraflores Golf Club Urbanizacion Riviera Del Sol Mijas Costa, 29647, Malaga.


Golf Tips And Tricks Always a Driver Over the past few years golf has started to becomes a game controlled by how far you can hit the ball, big brand club companies bringing out club after club sometimes changing design and the top brand club more

easy medium iron to the green then play from the tee the club that will give you that distance, on some holes it is just better to play the easier shot from the tee so give it a try. By Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy The strange new pro "I don't know about that new pro," said Peter. "He may be a little strange." "Why do you think that?" asked Fred. "He just tried to correct my stance again." "So?" said Fred. "He's just trying to help your game." "Yeah, I know," said Peter, "but I was standing at the urinal at the time"

than twice in one year, always with that magic sales slogan which attracts golfers to spend money time and time again “More Distance”. The thought behind this format of play is the less distance I have to the green the easier my approach shot will be, so take out the driver spank the ball as far as I can and all I will have left is that easy wedge shot that I never have a problem playing. I cannot argue that a short approach shot is one of the easiest shots to play and repeat but I would point out a long and accurate drive is one of the most difficult, and combining the most difficult with the easiest will not lead to a good average. It might be that the long drive close to the green system works well for you but there will be at least one hole where it will not work, next time you stand on the tee of the hole, decide how many yards you need from the tee to where you could play a safe and

68

MARK SIBLEY

PGA GOLF PROFESSIONAL

UK QUALIFIED 15 YEARS OF COACHING EXPERIENCE LESSONS FOR ALL LEVELS OF GOLFER BEGINNER TO PLAYING PROFESSIONAL LESSON PACKAGES AVAILABLE NOW BASED AT THE MIRAFLORES GOLF ACADEMY NOW WITH FULLY STOCKED PROFESSIONAL SHOP MIRAFLORES DRIVING RANGE & GOLF ACADEMY. S/N RIVIERA DEL SOL, 29649 MIJAS COSTA. TEL: 952 933 729 OR 678 833 736

Golf Academy

Sponsored by Mark Sibley - Miraflores Golf Academy


MID-SEASON 2010/2011 1ST DECEMBER 2010 TO 14TH FEBRUARY 2011 18 HOLES 9 HOLES

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BUGGY

17.50 €

3 MEMBERSHIP OPTIONS FOR 2011 from 1615 € + 850€ ENTRANCE FEE Please call us for details

SANTA MARIA GOLF & COUNTRY CLUB Urb. Elviria, C.N.340 Km. 192 29604 Marbella (Malaga) Tel: 952 831 036 Fax: 952 834 797 E-Mail: caddymaster@santamariagolfclub.com Website: www.santamariagolfclub.com


KIDS STUFF 2011

70


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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages

16 & 58 Just Say What You See Right Before Your Eyes Made in China

Logic Puzzle 9-letter word - MACHINERY Some other words of five letters or more containing the hub letter C: cairn, chain, chair, charm, chary, chime, china, chine, crane, cream,crime, hemic (haemic), manic, march, mercy, mince, nacre, nicer, niche, ranch, reach, anemic, cinema, creamy, enrich, iceman, mincer, archine, carmine, chimera, chimney, machine, chairmen.

Trivia Quiz Answers 1. a. orange 2. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 3. Five answers - a. Dutch b. Finnish c. German d. Italian e. Polish 4. Simon and Garfunkel 5. Alfred Hitchcock 6. A type of Eskimo boots 7. A glass coffin 8. France. Chamonix. 9. Two answers - a. Malamute b. Samoyed 10. Winter. Talvi is Finnish, Inverno is Italian, Zima is Czech and Tel is Hungarian for winter 11. Sir Anthony Hopkins 12. Battle of the Bulge 13. Engelbert Humperdinck 14. Fargo 15. Snow Pea

Test your Cockneyness A: Don’t get your Alan Wickers (KNICKERS) in a flap. The Hillman Hunter (PUNTER) only wants a rabbit (TALK) about the greens (MONEY) down the battle cruiser (PUB).

Brain Teaser He transports the duck. He returns to get fox, transports fox but brings back duck. He leaves duck on shore and crosses with corn. He leaves corn with fox and returns to get duck.

Crossword Solution

costa link magazine WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT ADVERTISING FROM THE FOLLOWING BUSINESSES OR INDIVIDUALS:

A1SSE Electricians CRS REMOVALS SOLAR LIVING 72

ATTENTIION ATTENTION



T he Jokes page

page

There's a man sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. So they drank more and more and sure enough they got blind drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like new man, he jumped up went to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn’t felt this good in years. “Wow!” He said. About that time Jim’s telephone rang… “Hello?” “Hello Jim, this is Dave. How are you feeling this morning?” “Man I feel great, no hang over, no sick, I feel like a million dollars. How about you?” “Me too, but I have one question for you.” “Sure, what is it” “Have you farted yet?” “Ummmmm, No.” said Jim, “Why?” “DON’T. I’m in Madrid!” What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

What do penguins put in their gardens? Snowmes.

Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it.

Jim and Dave, were working on aircraft at Malaga airport . They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up, “Man I really need a drink!” “You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk.” Dave said. “Really?” said Jim. “That’s what I heard. Wanna try it?” “Sure, I’ll try anything once!” So with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking

lee!!! b i s i v Inmpagn Cha

74

to advertise please call 663 061 669


106.1FM 952 462 092


S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during 2011.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

76

You may start 2011 feeling tired and discouraged, but your mood will pick up quickly. Keep busy doing what you love. It'll lift your spirits and stimulate your creativity. You have a strong constitution, and rarely get sick. However, you do work hard and end many of your days exhausted. Pace yourself when you're busy. The world won't end if a task takes a little longer to finish. Family is important to you, but you tend to spend more time with co-workers than you do with your loved ones. Find more efficient ways to get work done. Jobs come and go, but family and friends are forever. Spend more time with these very special people in 2011 You've made plans for 2011, and are determined to complete them. There could be last-minute changes that need to be made. Go with the flow. You make the most of everything - especially when it comes to acquiring knowledge. You'll learn more in the first few months than you did in all of 2010. Don't push yourself too hard, take time out to relax and enjoy life. You enjoy meeting new people, and there are few whom you consider close. It's easier for you to make casual friends, and you are kind to even your difficult relatives. You just might find more close companions this year than ever before. Get to know them well. Enjoy! Your intuition and abilities should blossom in spring. It's important to keep a written record of your insights. You may eventually want to action them. As long as you use your talents and continue to enrich your life, you should be content throughout 2011.This could be one of your happiest years. Some family members or colleagues may not understand you - or your friends. Yet they probably think you border on sainthood. You're a force to be reckoned with - if only others knew how. January and March should be your best months - though there won't be any real bad ones. You're always the one who's glad to help, so let others help you. 2011 will be busy. You could find yourself working hard to accomplish whatever comes your way, but careful planning could render things easier. Your efforts will pay off. The main difficulty this year could be your impatience. Move slowly, and the results you want should be appreciated by the right people. Relationships with friends and family members could become strained. You may have to put in extra effort in 2011 to keep your bonds as strong as ever. Your finances will be stable as long as you keep working as hard as usual. But don't drive yourself too hard. Eat right and exercise when you can. Get plenty of rest. Take good care of yourself. If the past few years have been difficult you'll, 2011 will be better. The tension you've experienced will lighten up! You're tougher than most, and that could keep you healthy. You could make some major changes in life - such as a new home or job. Your finances will improve, and the rest of your life will be enjoyable. March and May should be your best months. Your family may experience some changes. Births, marriages, relocations - could shake things up. The bonds between you and family members should be as strong as ever, and you'll be fond of any additions to the family circle. Watch for new potential friends in July and September. Busy as usual! Don’t make too many commitments this year it's better to give an honest "no" than to have to break a promise. If you're trying to catch up financially, don’t take on too much. What good is a growing bank balance when you're too tired to enjoy it? You often operate on nervous energy, so yourself up. Eat foods that nourish your body. In spite of the extra work, you should see your family and friends more often. Your companions could wonder why you don't call as often. If you explain to them that you're working more, they'll understand. June and October should be your best months. Make the most of them!


Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Are most of your friends also your colleagues? You may want to meet more people outside of work this year. It'll be more fun, and more interesting. You're going to want to expand your horizons, and perhaps travel to a place you've always wanted to see. You'll meet interesting people and view fascinating places - and have much to share with your loved ones. New friends could be coming out of the woodwork. Most of them will be interesting, kindhearted people. But don't forget your family and your old friends. There will be times when you really need them - and will be grateful for their presence. Expect interesting events in July and November. Are you looking forward to a great year? You should be. You are outgoing, with lots of friends and hobbies. 2011 will be an active year, and new experiences will change your life. At least one of your long-term goals might finally happen. All you need to watch out for is exhaustion. Too many late nights and rushed projects could take their toll. A friend could convince you to start taking some classes. You may have doubts, but you're likely to meet some great people who will share tips that could turn your life in a different direction. They can provide the last piece to a puzzle that you've tried to put together for years.

Expect a year of surprises - especially where people are concerned. Friends you've known for years will suddenly start doing weird things. You'll also change quite a bit. A year of glowing health awaits you. But what are you going to do with all your energy? Try new activities. Take up a hobby, or take a holiday. Your friends will be thrilled about the sparkle in your eyes. You're going to get out more this year. A friend could talk you into meeting new people, and you'll be grateful. The people you meet should be interesting, intelligent, and curious. You could talk with your companions for hours - and come away with your head spinning. Some perplexing decisions await you - the more you ponder them, the more confused you'll become. Sleep on it all. Don’t act impulsively. You're pretty healthy, but this year you might feel slower than usual. But it’s not because you're getting older. Counter it by exercising, getting out with friends, and exploring new horizons. Set new goals and explore new interests. You're not the type to give in easily. You may be preoccupied. Whatever is troubling you, don't keep it to yourself. Your family and friends may worry about you needlessly. Whether you're wondering about your job, a relationship, or your finances - share your concerns with someone and they might actually help find solutions. Your health, social life, and career should blossom in 2011, Opportunities will come, and you'll jump on them. You're going to feel stronger and more confident. Your optimism and self-assuredness should spill over into your relationships with others. Your health will thrive if you tend to it. The only problem you might face is insomnia. Try to relax fully before you go to sleep. Friends and family members will want to make use of your money sense and keen insights to benefit their lives. You'll act like a party animal, and therefore new acquaintances will want to see you again. Watch the overindulging -you won't want to gain any weight. This should be a great year for you. Your intuition is active, so "it" just might happen. Just be sure to look before you leap. Most of the time, you're healthy. You exercise, and spend lots of time in the Sun. However, there are times when you end up exhausted. Pace yourself. Health is important, but you should balance it with friendship, contemplation, and acquiring knowledge. You have many friends and beloved relatives, and it's difficult for you to give time to everyone. Sometimes you neglect people - and they could be offended. If you can't see someone, try to at least give them a phone call, they will be glad to hear from you.



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