June 2014 costa link magazine

The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

costadelhome.com Inspired Property Search

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Relax, Why not have a cheeky cocktail?

Well, I have to say it’s really been a bit of a whirlwind month and I am thoroughly looking forward to relaxing in the summer months ahead.

So what’s in store for June? Well there’s Fathers day (UK) on the Sunday the 15th why not plan a special treat for your Dad! If you are stuck then Party, Party in Calahonda have lots of gifts and cards in stock. The FIFA World Cup 2014 begins on Thursday, June 12th I’m sure that Brazil will be a spectacular venue. On the 23rd June it’s San Juan, or ‘The Burning of Saint John’s Moustache’, the one night of the year where you are allowed to camp on the beach and have bonfires. This happens along the coast and is a great fun, so pack up your sleeping bag and join in the party. The tradition is to dip your feet in the sea at midnight for good luck - well it’s a worth a try isn’t it!

Finally June also brings the end of the school term all the kids break up for the oh-so-long summer holidays...good luck everyone!

Have a great month and remember, try keep smiling.

CAR PAGE

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No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2014.

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A Woman’s World Women make the world go round...

IT’S TIME TO GO HOME WHEN...

1.You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.

2.You've just had to get someone to help you pull your knickers up in the ladies toilet.

3.You suddenly decide you want to start a fight with ‘some b*tch’.

4.In your last trip to the bathroom you realise you now look more like Gail from Coronation Street than the goddess you were just four hours ago.

5.You start crying and telling everyone you see that you love them soooooo much.

6.You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.

7.The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.

8.You've started to sound like Bonnie Tyler from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned ten times by now!) you only smoke when you drink.

9.You start every conversation with a booming, “Don't take this the wrong way but...”

10.You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.

11.You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!)

12.You show your friends that girls can wee standing up if they really want.

13.You believe that dancing with your arms over your head and wiggling your butt while yelling ‘woohoo’ is truly the sexiest dance move around.

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HOT GOSS!

ARE KATE MIDDLETON & PRINCE WILLIAM: EXPECTING TWIN GIRLS? Is Kate Middleton pregnant? Kate Middleton, 32, and Prince William, 31, might just be expecting another bundle of joy. No, make that TWO bundles of joy! According to a new report, Kate is pregnant with twin girls. Wow, two princesses?

Duchess Kate might be pregnant with twin girls, according to OK‘s June issue. If this news is true, Kate and William must be absolutely thrilled! “Kate has always wanted a daughter, and she’s talked about it so much that William did, too,” a royal insider revealed to the magazine.

The report also claims that Kate has already gained 10lbs of baby weight. On top of that, she has a bit of a sweet tooth during this alleged pregnancy! “Wills jokes that his daughters are going to have a sweet tooth!”Aww! KIERAN HAYLER ADMITS: KATIE PRICE CAUGHT JANE POUNTNEY WITH HER HAND DOWN MY TROUSERS IN CAPE VERDE... Kieran Hayler has admitted that he and Katie Price's best friend Jane Pountney kept their affair secret by having sex in her car. The 27-year-old plasterer and part-time stripper says the fling started in May 2013. It was in April on a family holiday in Cape Verde with Jane, 49, and her husband Derrick that Katie, 36, discovered what was going on. ‘Jane put her hands down my trousers and Kate came from nowhere,' Kieran admits. ‘All I heard was Kate calling her a slut and a whore.' Now Kieran is trying to win his pregnant wife back with loving messages and flowers. Honestly poor Katie, but will she ever learn? Act in haste repent at leisure...

CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER FOR EMMA WATSON WHO HAS GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY! Hermione Granger would definitely be proud - Harry Potter actress Emma Watson has graduated from Brown University! With a degree in English Literature from Brown in the USA. Go Emma!

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HOT GOSS

CONSCIOUSLY COUPLED! GWYNETH PALTROW AND CHRIS MARTIN STILL LIVING TOGETHER... The couple who announced they were had decided to “consciously uncouple ” in March are still living under the same roof. The revelation came courtesy of court documents filed Thursday by Paltrow in a stalking case. A Texas man has been ordered to stay away from Paltrow, her children, and Martin, who the document noted, “lives with petitioner.” The princess of GOOP and her Coldplay frontman have seemingly been together more than ever since announcing their split. Is it us? Or is this strange?

OUT ON THE TOWN WITH PRINCE HARRY... Prince Harry isn’t wasting any time after his split from Cressida Bonas less than a month ago! The Sun reported last month that the redheaded royal, 29, danced and drank with go go dancer Paige Collins, 20, until the wee hours of the morning this weekend at London’s Chakana Club. A thrilled Collins later confirmed the encounter via Twitter: “So not everyday you get to dance and have vodka shots with Prince Harry!” Sources said it was the decision of Harry’s longtime girlfriend Bonas, 25, to break up recently, as she was tired of the royal spotlight.

BROOKLYN BECKHAM APPARENTLY HAS A JOB IN A COFFEE SHOP? Brooklyn Beckham is topping up his pocket money, surely not....The eldest of David and Victoria offspring is apparently being taught the value of money with a minimum wage job at a west London coffee shop. Brooklyn, 15, has already completed a few shifts at the coffee shop, earning £2.68 an hour. David and Victoria want them to know what hard work is like apparently. Brooklyn’s parents are said to be worth £165 million, so he’s got a few lattes to make before he catches them up!

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June 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 5/26/14 6:36 PM Page 13

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Fancy A holiday?

Why not try Beijing?

These are extracts of a Chinese Hotel Brochure translated into English.

A lady went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. She is has kept it and reads it whenever she feels depressed. It has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English: Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

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Fancy A holiday?

con’ t

These are extracts of a Chinese Hotel Brochure translated into English continued: The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room as a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts (what are pederasts?).

Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Where is the Sea of Tranquillity?

2) The actor who played Derek in Eastenders used to play which character in Dad’s Army?

3) Shylock and Portia are names of characters from which Shakespeare play?

4) In Morse Code, which letter of the alphabet is represented by a single dot?

5) What was the name given to the Royalists supporters during the English Civil War – Puritans, Roundheads,& Cavaliers?

6) Which animal depicts the Chinese year in 2014?

7) In which country is the Masai Mara game reserve?

8) What is the title of the anthem of the United States of America?

9)How many cents are there in a US ‘dime’?

10) In which year did Spain change from the Peseta to the Euro?

11) Which disease is transmitted by the Tsetse fly?

12) Miles-Davis is famous for playing which musical instrument?

13) From 1st May 2014, how many countries now make up the European Union?

14) What is the birthstone for the month of May? 15) If you were born on Christmas Day, what starsign would you be?

16) Which group had a hit with Barbie Girl in 1997?

17) Bucharest is the capital of which European country?

18) Which butterfly is the biggest in the world?

19) Which car manufacture makes the Evoque?

20) Percy Shaw invented which road safety feature?

21) Which actress played the role of Gertie (the little girl) in the film E.T.?

22)Which chemical element has the symbol Na? 23)In 1949, which car manufacturer invented safety belts?

24)How many normal bottles of champagne are there in a Jeroboam?

25) Iberia is the national airline of which country?

26) What is the highest rank available in the British Army?

27) ABBA won the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest but with which song?

28) A ‘Cob’ is a male swan, what is a female swan called?

29) Which solo artist has had the most number of UK number one hit singles with 18?

30) True or False, there have been more UK Prime Ministers than US Presidents?

Answers on page 80

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Religious Insight

through a kids eyes

GOOD SAMARITAN: A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd be sick.'

DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?' 'No,' replied Johnny.

'How could he, with just two worms.'

HIGHER POWER: A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'

One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

MOSES AND THE REDSEA: Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a ontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.' 'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.

'Well, no, Mum.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'

BEING THANKFUL: A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'

The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'

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Religious Insight

through a kids eyes Continued...

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS: When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'

HIGHER POWER: Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. 'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother. 'I don't need to,' the boy replied. 'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.' 'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'

TIME TO PRAY: A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. 'Yes, sir.' the boy replied. 'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked. 'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I’m not scared in the daytime.'

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EYE, EYE...

Oh Dear...

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry: "The woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!! !

"You know, "he says, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye".

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A Man’s World

JUST A QUICKIE!

• When I was born, I was given a choice - A big manhood or a good memory. I don’t remember, what I chose.

•There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men....‘don't’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.

• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

• I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

• Despite the old saying, ‘Don't take your troubles to bed’ many men still sleep with their wives.

• Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, THINK THIS WILL GET A FEW VOTER marriage, and values Stu said, “I didn't sleep with my wife S! before we got married, Did you?” Lee replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”

• There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

• A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.”

• “Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce Court Judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife €775 a week.”“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “and every now and then I’ll try to send her a few euros myself.”

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Health Well Being &

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IS YOUR HEALTH WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE? Continued from last month...

PROBLEMS YOU CAN SEE IN THE MIRROR...

CERTAIN AILMENTS MAY BE STARING BACK A YOU.

WHITE SPOTS ON EYES: A series of white spots near the outer rim can indicate a chronic congestion of the lymphatic system, you should avoid lactose and cow’s milk products.

RED OR BLOODSHOT EYES: A red or bloodshot eye can be alarming but is commonly a sign of conjunctivitis or a minor eye infection. In the case of conjunctivitis it can be treated using antibiotic drops. If it is painful there may be a more serious problem, but in any case you should consult your optometrist or GP. SPOTS ON CHEEKS: These can be caused by not cleaning foundation away properly so the skin becomes congested.

This might be from using a water-based cleanser that does not remove make-up fully. Use an oil-based cleanser and take a break from wearing make-up to let the skin breathe.

ACNE AROUND THE JAWLINE: Oestrogen is a friend to our skin, suppressing sebaceous activity. But when levels reduce as women get older, skin lacks lustre and you may experience acne cysts deep in the dermis and commonly --found on the jawline and hairline. Try eating apricots, shiitake mushrooms, sweet potatoes, and mangos as they all contain vitamin A to normalise the production and life cycle of skin cells.

SORES AROUND MOUTH: Sores in the corner of the mouth, may indicate a deficiency of B vitamins. Try introducing more wholegrains into your diet, along with green vegetables and meat all are full of vitamin B. Alternatively, try taking a vitamin B supplement.

DRY SKIN / INFLAMMATION ON THE CHIN: These are sure signs that there is a problem with the digestive system and bowels. Gently massaging in circles and pinching and releasing the chin can help with constipation.

SMALL BUMPS UNDER THE SKIN: You may be using too strong a product on the skin. Make sure you are choosing the right cleanser. A milder one would be more suitable if you suffer from this.

DARK PATCHES: These can be caused by medication or illness so be sure to discuss this with your doctor. Age spots, on the other hand, may be the body’s way of ridding itself of toxins. Eat more fresh foods, drink more water and massage a small amount of castor oil on to existing age spots.

OILY SKIN: Oily skin can be caused or worsened by your diet. Pay attention to your diet. As you get older, your skin produces less sebum. Choose the right cleanser to keep it under control and use a face mask regularly.

DRY LIPS: Dry lips show possible internal dehydration, vitamin B deficiency or you could be low in iron intake, check with your GP and hydrate skin by drinking plenty of water.

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Medical Tips

There are many types of p sych oth era py and today at least one in five people will seek this help at some point in their lives. Talking therapy is advocated more within the NHS than ever before; it is now recommended as part of the treatment for those suffering with anxiety and depression as well as addictions to various substances or damaging behaviours.

What is Psychotherapy: Is it for me?

sure that today’s analysts would disagree, but in my experience many people found this approach patronising and judgemental.

Therapy or counselling should address the whole person, their situation in life and be empathic with a non-judgemental approach. It is not the role for anyone, however well-qualified, to sit in judgement on another. No-one can experience life for us and no-one should tell is how we feel about a situation. A therapist or counsellor should never impose their goals upon a client. They can help us re-construe our There is a lot of confusion about the differences experiences in life but never negate the impact between psychotherapy, counselling, psycho- of them. analysis and behavioural therapies.

Normally, counselling is used to address less Some people find therapy or counselling a threatening process and it is essential that the serious or profound issues.

“Infinitely more important than the answers are the questions; the choice of them, the inner form of them.”

Oswald Spengler.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may be used to psychotherapist is skilled in their practice to help change deeply entrenched behaviours limit the amount of unnecessary anxiety for the client. It is to be expected that a certain amount which are causing distress to the client. of anxiety will be present at any time of change Life coaching is a form of counselling which whether this change is positive or negative. some people seek to address a situation they are in, or the management of any goal they Resistance to change is a human response to have, in order to find alternative ways of achiev- the unknown and it is essential that anyone ing it. This can mean changing their whole thinking about seeing a therapist or counsellor approach to any given situation which has been researches well to access one with correct qualinformed by their pattern of behaviour or ifications and insurance in order to be safe in the process of self-discovery. This information thinkingover the years. can be found by visiting the web sites for the Psychotherapy is a more profound approach to BACP or the UKCP. an issue where the client wants to understand at a more core level, the reasons for their think- Eileen Murphy is a Preferred Partner of ing, behaviour or emotional pain. They wish to Medilink and an experienced get to know themselves in a way that leads to Psychotherapist and Counselor who is better understanding and self-acceptance. highly respected in her field of expertise.

For more information on Eileen please con-

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Psycho-analysis may have moved on since the days of Freud and Jung, but it is often quoted as tact medilink on 952 933 876 being the “inactive approach” where the client assumes the role of patient rather than taking a more active part in the process of therapy. I am

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DIY Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, inner London, Newcastle, Norfolk and anywhere in Wales.

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BOE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS B OE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS tt 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO TTQFDJmD OFFET QFDJmD OFFET tt 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF tt 0SUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 0SSUUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO Established on the Costa del Sol since 2001 tt 3FTQJUF $BSF 3FTQJUF $BSF TTelephone: elephone: 952 835 776 tt %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT 24 Hour Helpline: 667 733 520 tt (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF tt &TDPSUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF &TDPSSUUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF www.medicarenursingservices.com www.medicarenursingservices.com Q Quality uality iinn eevery very aaspect spect ooff ccare are aass w well ell aass ssupport upport iinn ttimes imes ooff nneed! eed! info@medicarenursingservices.com info@medicarenursingservices.com

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Top 10 facts about

MASSAGE

1. The oldest known reference to massage is from the tomb of Akmanthor in Egypt, dating back to 2330BC, where a picture shows two men having their feet and hands massaged.

2. The earliest known meaning of “massage” in English was around 1450, when it meant “the action of saying Mass”.

3. It first adopted its modern meaning in 1866.

4. The words “masseur” and “masseuse” followed in 1876 and 1879 respectively.

5. The European Patent Office lists nearly 45,000 patented massage appliances and devices.

6. In 2001, The Mystic Masseur became the first novel by Nobel Laureate VS Naipaul to be filmed.

7. Hippocrates, writing in 460BC, advised: “The physician must be experienced in many things, but assuredly in rubbing.”

8. In South Korea only the blind or visually impaired may become licensed masseurs.

9. Last week, 1,000 masseurs gathered in Indonesia to massage 1,000 people for 15 minutes and set a record for the world’s largest massage.

10. Massage therapy for athletes was first televised at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles.

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      

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PROOF READER NEEDED! Honestly, some of these headlines are hilarious we think proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one is a classic.

It took two or three readings before the editor realised that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.....

Really? Do you think? And they paid someone to tell them that?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death Good-for-nothing-lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendants

Who needs to be proved innocent - See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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      

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PROOF READER NEEDED! If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile State the blinking obvious why don’t you.

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see why it might have that effect!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! Who needs Miss Marple?

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Gosh, they are tall!

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?

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Confusus he didn’t say...

• Man who run in front of car get tired.

• Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

• Man who run behind car get exhausted.

• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

• Man with one chop stick go hungry.

• Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

• Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ • Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

• War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

• Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

• Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

• Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

• Man who fishes in other man's well... often catches other man’s crabs.

• Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

• Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

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THE WORLD’S FASTEST The World’s fastest motorbike is electric called the Lightning LS-218. THE

FASTEST motorcycle in the world that you can ride on the road is now a battery-powered machine from Lightning.

Built in the USA, the Lightning LS-218 has a top speed of 218mph and is based on the company’s racing motorbike. An electric motor that produces 200bhp powers the LS-218 and offers maximum power from almost tick over all the way to the motor’s 10,500rpm limit. Charging takes as little as 30 minutes and the LS-218 has a 100 mile range on a full charge. The company is now looking to sell road-going versions of the LS-218, with a starting price from £23,000. For that, buyers get a hand-built motorcycle to their specification with race-spec suspension, brakes and wheels.

The fastest car is Koenigsegg's 273mph Agera One 1. You want the Agera

One:1, Koenigsegg's 1340bhp, Veyronrivalling hypercar? You can't have the Agera One:1. Because they've all sold out. SORRY. Koenigsegg spokesman Andreas Petre confirmed that just six of the extreme hypercars were built seven if you include the company's own R&D car - with two being sold to British customers, and four on their way to China. Top speed is around 273mph, it'll go from 0-100km/h in 2.8 seconds, 0-300km/h in about 12 seconds and 0-400km/h in 20 seconds OMG," Andreas said. "We didn't set out to build the Agera One:1 as a top speed car, so that theoretical 273mph was a bit of a gift to us. Oh we want one,1!

The world’s fastest Yacht reaches 70 knots. World is not Enough was built by Millenium Super Yachts. Designed by Dutch naval

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architect Frank Mulder, World Is Not Enough is the only yacht to have reached 70 knots her overall length is 42.4 meters. She is propelled by two Paxman diesel engines and two Lycoming gas turbines, producing a staggering 20,600hp. But she is not just about speed - her interior, designed by Evan K. Marshall, can accommodate 10 guests and is as luxurious as any of the yachts featured on this site.

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WATCH OUT, POLICE ABOUT...

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in Dublin, Ireland. After last orders, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.” “I doubt it,” said the truly proud Irishman.

“Tonight I'm the designated decoy!”

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Up against the mob

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. The bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollar is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

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Strangebuttrue...

3D PRINTED SKULL IS IMPLANTED INTO WOMAN

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE MOST OF YOUR correct 3D images that surgeons use to plan out different procedures.

SKULL TO BE 3D PRINTED? For one woman in Netherlands, this has actually THE FUTURE happened. She suffered from skull bone thickenWith these new technologies, doctors hope ing and lost her sight as a result of the conto reduce patient operation and recovdition. Doctors have used a 3D printed ery time, and create new organs as skull from the Australian company, well as different body parts. In order Anatomics and placed it into the to make sure the 3D printed body woman’s head. parts will fit perfectly to each patient, there are a series of steps THE SURGERY TOOK A TOTAL that must be followed.

OF 23 HOURS The surgery took a total of 23 HOW? hours and, thanks to the doctors Doctors first take a CT scan of what and this technology, she is doing needs to be replaced to make the well and has fully regained her sight. image for the 3D printer. They will

A PERFECT FIT Usually doctors create implants that are much harder and not as good a fit. However, with this new technology, doctors can create an implant that will fit the patient perfectly, lessening the threat of rejection. Anatomics specializes in creating such technology, like the skull that was used by the doctors in Netherlands, as well as offering anatomically

then use the 3D printer to make an exact replica of the body part, using the patient’s cells within the plastic. This is important to make sure that it matches with the inside of the body so there is no rejection.With these new breakthroughs in science, doctors are hoping to save many more lives in ways that have never been attempted before.

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

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Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

CLM©2008

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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FINANCIAL NEWS

Recently we had some good news coming from various areas across the Eurozone, Ireland led the way with activity in the services sector surging ahead and has now grown for the last 21 months and grew at its fastest rate since 2007.

Spain followed Ireland lead where the service sector posted their best month since March 2007 and Spanish firms also reported that they took on more staff making some small impact upon the number of unemployed in Spain. Germany as expected also weighed in with another strong month and thankfully Italy also joined the party with some improved figures. Holland and France were the ailing parties that took the shine off these figures although the composite PMI came in at 54.0 up from 53.1 in March. The European Central Bank kept rates on hold and gave a clear hint that some form of support could be around the corner and investors liked what Mr Draghi had to say and yields on most European 10 year stock dipped particularly in Ireland who saw the rate drop to 2.64% a remarkable turnaround when you just 3 years ago Ireland was paying around 14%.

It is the euro however at the moment that is the weaker currency at the present time.

In the UK, the Bank of England also kept rates at the current level of .5% for the 62nd consecutive month and there is no change in the quantitative programmes, which in the past pumped ÂŁ375bn into the economy. With manufacturing

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posting a growth of 1.4% in the first quarter of 2014 which incidentally was the best for nearly 15 years add to this that retail sales rose by 4.4% year on year with home improvement items topping the list then hopes of a balanced recovery are well advanced. Whilst the Halifax reported that during April house prices dipped by .2% the Confederation of British Industry is still warning against the housing bubble as it appears London prices have increased by around 25% since 2008, (nice if you are in London). There have been calls for the Bank of England to consider slowing the housing growth however I suggest with the new mortgage lending rules recently introduced we may see a natural slow down in mortgage approvals for May. Yes that balanced recovery is on however the CBI say the UK still needs to improve the balance of imports and exports.

Rates during the period 16 April to 16 May 2014 High ÂŁ to $ 1.6994 ÂŁ to euro 1.2294 Euro to $ 1.3946

Low 1.6743 1.2118 1.3658

If you would like further information please contact Moneycorp on 952 587 657 and quote Costa Link Magazine

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Wrap up any white fish in crispy bacon and serve as an all-in-one tray bake with potatoes. A quick yummy fix for a delicious dinner.

Pancetta-wrapped fish with lemony potatoes

Ingredients:

• 300g new potatoes • 100g green beans • small handful black olives • zest and juice 1 lemon • 2 tbsp olive oil • 2 chunky pollack fillets or another sustainable white fish • 4 slices pancetta or thinly sliced smoked streaky bacon • few tarragon sprigs, leaves picked

Method:

1) Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Place the potatoes in a pan of water and boil for 10-12 mins until tender. Add the beans for the final 2-3 mins. Drain well and slice the potatoes in half. Tip into a roomy baking dish and toss with the olives, lemon zest and oil. Season well.

2) Season the fish and wrap with the pancetta or bacon. Place on top of the potatoes. Bake for 10-12 mins until cooked through, then add a squeeze of lemon juice and scatter with tarragon before serving.

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What’s On

Guide

LIve Music in Estepona & Manilva June 2014: For live music fans in the Estepona, Manilva area Live Music Restaurant Swing has on: 14th June: Lesley Harrison – 28th June Marcus Myers for more information call 952 796 320 or email: ticket@livemusicspain.com.

7th & 8th June 2014: The “Butterfly Children Golf & Ball” is back for its 12th edition. The golf tournament will take place on Saturday, 7th of June. Reservations 952 90 70 85. On the 8th of June a delicious three course meal will be served under the stars at the terrace of the Aloha Club House. The price of 50€ per person also includes live quality entertainment by the T.A.P.A.S Choir, The New Jersey Boys and Mel Williams.

Reservations 952 81 23 90.

7th to the 9th June 2014: Mijas International Festival: Don't miss one of the biggest festivals in Mijas Pueblo for a jam packed day of fun for the whole family. Offering a variety of stands from 21 different countries provides food, entertainment and much more to the public. Giant BBQ, Riverdance, free cake, live music, street parades, and photo exhibition are just some of the exciting events waiting for you. For more information contact the Mijas Town Hall Foreigners Department on 952 58 50 10 or email frd@mijas.es.

9th to the 14th June 2014: Feria de San Bernabe. There are lots of celebrations and events taking place throughout the city for the fair. This year the Marbella Fair is held mainly on the local fairgrounds on Avenida Las Albarizas and Calle Platino on the east side of town. The entrance to the tents, rides and other attractions is near the arch by the Three Boat Fountain (Fuente de los Tres Barcos), where the Monday street market is usually held. This is definalty worth a visit if you have never been. Don't miss Kids Day at San Barnabe - June 11th.

10th June: Nothing To Wear? No Money To Spend? Try Swishing!! The Green Way To Shop Tikitano Beach Restaurant and Lounge, Estepona Floral Art Club is holding another fundraising event. For further details call 607468653 or 696378333.

Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, near Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa.

Every Monday: Arts and Crafts Fair in Benahavis at 8pm in the Main Square in Benahavis.

Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together.

It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771.

Every Tuesday: Dance with JiveSpain Miraflores Resturant from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211.

Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at the Cafe in Supersol, El Zoco, Calahonda or call us on Tel 952 933 409 for more information.

Every Wednesday: Dance with JiveSpain at El Campanario, San Pedro, from 8pm - 11pm. For more information seee website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211.

Every Thursday: Dance with JiveSpain at Tikitano Restaurant, Estepona from 8pm - 11pm. For more information seee website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211.

Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking.

Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola.

Every Friday: Dance with JiveSpain at Hotel El Goleto, Duquesa from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211.

Every Sunday: Dance with JiveSpain take over the dance floor at Atalaya Park Hotel. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211.

Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda.

Every Sunday: FAMA have a car boot sale at the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm.

Every Sunday: Craft Market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina on the Teresa Zabell Pier: 12-6pm.

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

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Transport

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) & Nueva Andalucia (Next to Centro Plaza the Bullring).

La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona (Marina).

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week.

Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

05/06/2014: Day of the fish (El dia del Pescaito) Torremolinos. Holiday and celbrations.

08/06/2014 to 14/06/2014: Feria de San Bernab, Marbella. Holiday and fair.

15/06/2014: Fathers Day UK

21/06/2014: Summer Solstice.

23/06/2014: San Juan. All night barbeques and fireworks along the coasts beaches.

Walk backwards into the sea at midnight for good luck!

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during June 2014.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 66

Capricorn, under the warm rays of Venus, your heart is going to be full of love this month. If you are single you'll seduce without effort the universe will work towards bringing love your way. If you are in a relationship then you’ll get that warm, fuzzy feeling again. In order for this month to be fully happy, it will take a lot of communication. Sincere and honest communication is best, be friendly and kind also tactful. You’ll see the benefits in bucket loads if you are. On the work and finance front strategy, order and method will become more important than ever. It is now beginning to be clearer what you want to do with your career. As regards money, moderation will be the proof of wisdom, especially in the first part of the month, you’ll have the tendency to spend excessively. Try to be a little cautious with your health take it easy when you can, busy times are coming Capricorn.

Aquarius, the Sun will be shining a light on your love life in the first two weeks of June. It'll be the time of flirting, of romantic affairs and of love and fun. This month will be great if you are in a relationship and also if you are single, excellent for both lighting the fire, and maintaining them. The most romantic period for Aquarius people will be the last week of June 2014 and especially the last few days. At work the Sun will spread its light on the activities you love from this will give you both renewed passion and talent. If you want to take out a loan or perform an important transaction, it's recommended that you leave them for the end of the month. You'll have a lot of energy this month but this doesn't guarantee very good health. There will be a predisposition towards stress or maybe a risk of accidents, don’t do things at a million miles a hour take your time.

Pisces, Venus is in transit through your sign encouraging sharing thoughts and opening hearts.

It'll be the time of expressing emotions and feelings, of romantic messages and love declarations. This month will see you get close to the person beside you more easily, they will find you more pleasant and you will be more desired. On the work and finance front thoughts will gravitate towards your personal life rather than around your career. This month you'll feel the need for privacy, for closer contacts with home, recharge your batteries before working at full pelt again. Financially, in June 2014 you'll need calm and caution. You'll avoid conflicts with nice words; try to think before you speak. Relax by reading, taking walks, having quiet and enjoyable conversations with the dear ones. Remember that anything can be negotiated - and at the present moment, to your advantage!

Aries, Mars will get down to work this month in your sign it will want to help you settle things and direct them as you desire. Venus will also be lending a helping hand this month expect some romantic thrills. This month your thinking will directed towards money and valuables, possessions which assure safety and comfort. Your home life will be influenced by money, financial decisions will be founded on sentimental reasons. The mix that results could be difficult to digest towards the end of the month. Generally speaking, be careful with files, papers and documents, and be careful what you negotiate, promise or sign! The last week of June 2014 will be happy and relaxing and could bring you interesting news or a significant meeting. Faulty communication and lack of concentration can lead to stressful situations. Avoid conflicting or risky situations!

Taurus, Venus, the planet of sensuality and harmony, will be in your sign until June 23rd. It’s presence is beneficial to your home life because it brings along change, understanding and will make you feel closer to loved ones. If you are single this is the time you'll look sexier, you'll have the power to attract and seduce more easily, you'll behave in a more loving way and will receive many admiring glances coming your way. It'll be the right time to start a new relationship, to initiate reconciliation or improve a current relationship. Socialise and have fun, love! June is a month in which you'll work very hard and, as it seems, with pleasure. Your professional life will be dynamic, and you'll be in control. Venus will also bring you optimism and a very good mood, and will cast a protective veil on Taurus people throughout June 2014.

Gemini, Mars, Pluto and Uranus will be stirring up a bit of trouble in your sign this month.

Problems seem to come from all different directions you may feel disappointment, sadness or loneliness.

And the icing on the cake will be the Full Moon on June 12th-13th 2014, which will bring issues at home into the spotlight. Therefore, the second week of June needs to be approached with caution and a lot of tact. Fortunately, the troubles will go away and on June 23rd 2014 Venus will enter your sign, promising joys and fulfillment. On the work front though everything is better the sun will be shining on you, a position that traditionally brings success.Your authority will strengthen your self-confidence will be higher, you'll have everything you'll need to carry out your projects. Resume an old initiative; review, re-evaluate, reconsider to gain reward…

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, in the first three weeks of June, Venus will spread its charm on your life. You will be in demand and out on the town you'll gladly take part in all sorts of parties’ and activities. These immersions out and about may be the to start a new relationship or to improve the existing one. A friend may introduce you to somebody the you have a immediate spark with, either in a sexual way or to start a friendship with. On the work front the first two weeks of June 2014 seem to be appropriate for analysis and meditation. In conclusion, get your ready! The rest of the summer is going to be busy, if you get everything ready early you’ll be ok get lazy now and the next few months may see you falter. Success, both professional and financial, will have high chances to happen this year but will take hard work Cancer, but you can do it!

Leo, Venus, the planet of love, will be in a very powerful and visible position in June 2014. Leo's relationships will be in the spotlight and demanding attention. It is possible that Leo's relationships may be connected with the career or your friends. Some professional decisions could be influenced by the professional life or vice versa. The second week of June 2014 may be rather tense, so watch out and try to avoid confrontations or conflicting discussions! At work social connections can make your way to advancement and success easier. Socialise as often as possible! That is where opportunities will arise. This is the month to highlight all your qualities, to shine, to prove your talent as a leader. June 2014 will bring a decrease in the general health, accompanied by a growing need for rest and an introspective mood try to relax when you can. Excesses are to be avoided this month.

Virgo, June 2014 will be a month in which your home life will change and you’ll want that.

You'll be drawn to remote places. Why not take a trip, or feel the thrills of love for somebody hundreds or thousands of miles away. In June 2014 you won't want a person by your side to go shopping with or watch TV in the evening, but a person to open broader horizons to make a change. The Sun will turn its light on Virgo's house of career, promising you success and fulfillment. This you'll succeed in everything you'll set your mind to, by your own means. And when you face difficulties, you'll easily find support: people will be ready to help you. You'll need to be patient though and not to hurry. On the financial front money will be there when you need it. In the last week of June you may feel restlessness or lack of concentration try to relax in this time as it’s better avoid exhaustion.

Libra, Mars, resumed its straight movement on May 20th and it is now trying to regain its usual cruising speed through your sign. Mars, however, will bring a couple of confrontations with it your life will not exactly be smooth. Some clarification maybe needed. On the work and finance front the first two weeks of June 2014, will see you having to overcome some limits maybe to extended your knowledge and become more experienced in all fields or your business. You should be careful about money, thrifty and cautious, especially in the second week of June 2014. Work neatly and take things in turn try prioritising them! This month you may find your equilibrium will be rather disturbed. Take it easy, keep calm and protect yourself Scorpio, enjoy yourself, as Venus will spoil you this month! Until June 23rd all your relationships are generating happiness and good and you are reaping the rewards. The need to interact and share will be stronger than ever. The thirst for love and your love towards your partner will grow, you'll want proof of affection and gestures of tenderness. If you are single, you'll be striving find love use all your capacity to seduce in order to achieve it. June 2014 will be auspicious for Scorpios and great month favorable to find happiness.

Use it fully and wisely! At work it will be a month of analysis and introspection, use to prioritize and maybe to make some changes you deem necessary. On the financial front, think long and hard before making any important financial step! Retrograde Mercury can play tricks on you. Try to relax this month when you can as you may feel slightly tired or maybe take a short break to re-charge those batteries.

Sagittarius, the Sun will be passing through your sign bring all relationships into the spotlight. This month your partner will become the most important person in the universe. Work and money will be seriously involved, either influencing the relationship or being influenced by it. Anyway, you'll invest a lot in the other one and you'll have, in your turn, quite high expectations. Older problems will be under discussion again, the flaws of the relationship will be examined. With patience, in a few weeks there will be conclusions and solutions. At work all clues lead to the idea that for Sagittarius, June 2014 will be focused on cooperation. Regardless of what you want to do, you're meant to do it with the others. Eat light and fresh food, drink a lot of liquid, avoid toxins and excesses!

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puzzle Link The Words

Solutions on page 80

it out

In each of these puzzles, three words are listed. All you have to do is find another word that can preceed each of these 3 words.

1)

____

OFF

3)

___

DAY

2) 4) 5)

___

____

_____

RAGE

AWAY

BACK TAN

ESTIMATE TIME CUT

OUT

DO

DRIED

DUE

AGE

WEAR

Guess The Celeb

A

B

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

HOW TO SAVE ALEXANDER? Alexander is stranded on an island covered in forest.

One day, when the wind is blowing from the west, lightning strikes the west end of the island and sets fire to the forest. The fire is very violent, burning everything in its path, and without intervention the fire will burn the whole island, killing the man in the process.

There are cliffs around the island, so he cannot jump off.

70

How can the Alexander survive the fire?

(There are no buckets or any other means to put out the fire)

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Crossword

Across: 7. Against. (6) 8. Rabbits home. (6) 9. An appeal. (4) 10. A false impression.

(8) 11. Temperature measurer. (11) 14. Big selling Film.

(11) 18. Fish tank. (8) 19. Create. (4) 20. _____ Piper.

Actress. (6) 21. Parentless child.

(6)

Down: 1. Very rich. (7) 2. A continent. (4) 3. Lives in an igloo. (6) 4. A dozen. (6) 5. Capital of Belguim.

(8) 6. Citric fruit. (5) 12. Always on time; can count on. (8) 13. Monday to Friday.

(7) 15. An exclamation of surprise. (6) 16. Panda food. (6) 17. Marine cephalopod.

(5) 19. Sulk; brood. (4)

Name The Film

A Based on the true story of Jordan B Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stockbroker living the high life.

Based on the life of a simple man with a low I.Q. but he has good intentions. He thought life was like a box of chocolates.

Say What You See...

APPLE 3.14159

ci ii

brain kidney home heart

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

A surgeon was doing the ward rounds when he came to the bed of a blonde patient who had had an operation the previous day. She asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. “Uh, I hadn't really thought about it,” replied the stunned surgeon.

“You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy.”

I took my dad shopping the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66) We decided to grab some lunch in the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring at her every single time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one! In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid....

"Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.

I was just wondering if you might be my kid."

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy.

"Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie.

"That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy.

"A'd imagine she'll be in white.”"

72

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.

Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

A lady is very upset because her pet Chihuahua has only been placed second in Best Of Breed at Crufts so she decides to speak to the Judge and get some advice on how to win. The Judge tells her that her dog only came second because it had hair growing on its chin. He advised her to apply Immac Hair Remover Cream for 2 weeks just before next years competition to ensure 1st place. So 2 weeks before following years Cruft Show off she goes to the local pharmacy and asks for a tub of Immac Hair Remover. The assistant asks if she has used it before to which she says she hasn't. The assistant tells her not to wear a tight blouse after application to allow the cream time to work on armpit hair. The Lady replies indignantly that the Cream is not for her arm pits but for her Chihuahua.The assistant replies "in that case madam don't ride your bike for a couple of days."

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74

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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78

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puzzle Trvia Quiz Answers

1) The Moon 2) Private Frank Pike 3) The Merchant of Venice 4) E 5) Cavaliers 6) Horse 7) Kenya 8) Star Spangled Banner 9) Ten 10) 1 January 1999 11) Sleeping Sickness 12) Trumpet 13) On 1 July 2013 Croatia became the 28th EU member 14) Emerald 15) Capricorn 16) Aqua 17) Romania 18) The Queen Alexandra Birdwing with females reaching wingspans of 31cm.

19) Range Rover – Land Rover 20) Cat’s Eyes 21) Drew Barrymore 22) Sodium 23) Volvo 24) 4 25) Spain 26) Field Marshall 27) Waterloo 28) Pen 29) Elvis Presley 30) True: 53 UK P Ministers but 43 US Presidents – Walpole-UK 1721, Washington-US 1789

Answers from 20, 70 & 71

it out

Link The Words 6)Sent 7) Out 8) Sun 9) Over 10) Under

Guess The Celeb

a) Tom Cruise b) Kate Middleton - Duchess of Cambridge

Brain Teaser

Alexander picks up a piece of wood and lights it from the fire on the west end of the island.

He then quickly carries it near the east end of he island and starts a new fire. The wind will cause that fire to burn out the eastern end and he can then shelter in the burnt area.

Crossword Solution

Sudoku Solution

Name The Film

a) Wolf of Wall Street (2013) b) Forrest Gump (1994)

Say What You See 1) Apple Pie

2) See Eye to Eye

80

3) Home is Where the Heart is

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