March 2014 costa link magazine by Costalink Magazine

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March 2014 No84 Business Directory Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Guide Puzzles & Quizzes Horoscopes Local Info Kids Page Jokes

The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

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We have a extra spring in our step this month...

Well last month was exciting with the winter Olympics – after the Russian domination, Team Great Britain only managed one gold, but it looked like they were going to get two or even three for the first time in the winter sports right up until the last day – what a shame, but the biggest surprise must have been the silver and the bronze in the Curling.

We have much to look forward to this month it’s St Patrick’s Day on the 17th and Mothers day 30th this month, so how about pampering Mum at Diva this year – see their ad on page 6 and while you are there booking it for her, now can nip along to Party Party a few doors along for her cards and gifts –see their ad on page 16 And don’t forget Dad – It’s Father’s day in Spain on the 19th

Also don’t forget that the clocks go forward on the 30th – springtime is on its way and it will be summer before you know it!!! Whatever March Madness you have planned – make it a good one!!!

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Skype: costalink.magazine Tweet: @costa_link Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007 Deadline Date: 18th of each month

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2013.

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A Woman’s World Women make the world go round...

m’s out ll the Mu

there...

a MEN! When a car skidded on wet road and struck a tele- To phone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!” The woman watched for a few minutes, and then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.”

KIDS! (On the way to a play date) Driving along the road a

ers Day!

Moth & Happy

little girl starts asking her Mum a number of questions. "Mummy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite." "OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mum wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend. Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card; it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?" And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex."

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HOT GOSS!

SEX AND THE CITY FANS THERE COULD BE A THIRD MOVIE! A third Sex And The City movie has to be one of the most speculated upon entertainment stories on the Internet. And thanks to the show’s creator, Michael Patrick King, a whole new flurry of SATC gossip has just kicked off, he’s confirmed that he’s been talking to Sarah Jessica Parker about new storylines. “Sarah Jessica and I both know what that final chapter is. That doesn’t mean it will or should be told, but I do think there’s one story left. Meanwhile, Sarah Jessica Parker recently said basically the exact same thing as her boss – which should make SATC fans very excited. PRIVATE JETS, UNLIMITED DRESS BUDGET...Cheryl Cole’s getting some great perks from her X Factor return. With Simon Cowell himself confirming that he’s talking to Cheryl Cole about her return to The X Factor we wondered just how the talent show boss managed to woo Cheryl back on to the show. Helping to ease the pressure are a series of amazing bonuses including the chance to promote her new music on one of the most-watched TV shows in the country, but Heat magazine reported last month that she’ll also gain use of Simon’s private jet and have unlimited funds for her live show wardrobe. OMG well jel! KATIE PRICE AND KERRY KATONA HAVE KISSED AND MADE UP! Is Well we never thought we’d see the day that Katie Price and Kerry Katona ended their long-running feud, but it has actually happened. The pair famously fell out when our Kerrah became a member of Team Pete in the whole Katie & Peter divorce saga, but that’s all water under the bridge now, certainly if the snap Pricey’s posted on Instagram is anything to go by. As Cilla Black once said, life really is full of surprises, ain’t it? Although, we wonder what Pete has to say all about this...

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HOT GOSS USA... Kardashian TAKEOVER

ONLY IN THE GOOD OLD US OF A! Khloe Kardashian takes mum Kris Jenner to “court” over her shameless favourtism. The 29-year-old Reality star wants more love from mumager Kris Jenner. In fact, Khloe is so determined to move up the popularity league table that she has now taken her mother to court over the matter. We should mention that you need to place some inverted commas over the word court. “Court” is actually a courtroom set on Chelsea Lately, and the presiding judge is host Chelsea Handler. Anyway she went on and on about how she was, how pale she is, how blond blah... Then brings up Kim dying her hair blond and Kris thinking it was all of a sudden the best thing in the world.Yeah, come on Kris – wake up and smell the Khloe... She. Is. The. Best. Sister. KANYE VS. KRIS: WEST TAKES CONTROL OF KIM KARDASHIAN’S CAREER... Kanye West knows best! The rapper has done what once seemed impossible, seizing control of fiancée Kim Kardashian‘s career from her controlling “mumager,” Kris Jenner. “Kanye is now totally in charge of Kim’s career and his nonstop wheeling and dealing is leaving Kris out of control,” a source with close business ties to Kardashian revealed. Oh dear nothing is going right for the Kardashians at the moment... BRUCE JENNER’S DAUGHTER: ‘I Support Him’ & His Plastic Surgery Procedures! Bruce Jenner has been making a lot of headlines lately, whether it’s about his split from Kris Jenner or his odd new look. Of course that is to be expected, being a part of the Kardashian family. After his split from Kris, Bruce has changed his appearance by growing and dying his hair and getting an Adam’s apple reduction, or a “tracheal shave.” Criticism or not, Bruce seems to be headed in a happier direction in his life with his family. Having his daughter speak out and support him is a giant step. Well what ever floats your boat!

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WALLYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; S WEDDING NIGHT...

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband was so old, Anne decided that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she was concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and waited to receive the 'knock' on the door. Sure enough sometime later bang, bang, bang on the doorâ&#x20AC;Ś Anne opens the door and there is Wally, her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. Well, things evolve and Wally has his way with young Anne... Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne and Wally hook up again when the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.' Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says:....... 'You mean I've been here already?' Don't be afraid of getting old, senior's moments have their advantages.

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A Leprechaun in a bar One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." There was A man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spat in the guy's face. Then he ran back. The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spat in the man's face, then dashed back. The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air. He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off." The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers." Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?" "By spitting," said the leprechaun...

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) Who wrote the music – Rodgers or Hammerstein? 2) Which man is depicted on the back of a £10 note? 3) Which country do Walloons come from? 4) In Greek Mythology, who found herself combing a head of snakes every day? 5) Who won Great Britain's first medal at the Sochi Winter Olympics? 6) Klaus Barbie was the butcher of where? 7) What was Glenn Miller’s theme tune – Moonlight Serenade or Moonlight Sonata? 8) What is Barack Obama home state? 9)Did Jimmy Greaves ever play in a World Cup Final? 10) Which Communist country had the Red Guard?

11) Which company makes the Micra? 12) In which decade is the film the Untouchables set? 13) Which guitarist is known as Slowhand? 14) How often is the census taken? 15) What was the Manhattan project established to develop? 16) Which racecourse hosts the Ebor meeting? 17) Which judge quit the panel for The X Factor 2014 last month? 18) Whose name is given to the process of pasteurisation? 19) Which Rupert owns the Sky network? 20) What is Princess Anne’s daughters new baby is called? 21) Which has the higher population, Tokyo or Bombay?

22)Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are better known as? 23)What was the name of Robbie Jackson’s dog in Eastenders 24)Which Channel Island is famous for not having any cars on it? 25) In which month is the London to Brighton Vintage car race held? 26) Which children’s rhyme is associated with the Black Death? 27) What are male honeybees called? 28)Which coin became legal tender in the UK in 1971 before being withdrawn in 1985? 29) Which drink is named after the Ethiopian Kaffa plant? 30) Which Frenchman designed the Italian flag?

Answers on page 72

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Things We Forget To Thank Our Mums For! the times she had to double as best friend / counselor / therapist / costume designer / hair stylist / coach / all-aroundsolver-of-every-problem-ever. I remain unconvinced that mums aren’t actually superheroes in disguise. Forgiving us when we forget to call. Listening to all our pointless dramas when we do remember. Having the incredible prowess only a mother whose babes have been scorned could — mama bear protects her cubs, sometimes excessively, but we love it, let’s be honest. Being the kind of person that we actually do want to become, because as we all know, it’s inevitable. All those times we yelled “MUUUUUUMMM!!” through the house to find out where our white shirt was or what time so-and-so was getting home and all the other questions we just couldn’t go to Dad for. All the things she reluctantly bought us, all the clothes and things we didn’t really need (but insisted we did). Growing up and understanding the value of a dollar really makes you reconsider just how much mum’s sacrifice. For the home cooked meals or pizzas we didn’t have to pay for ourselves. Equally phenomenal. Equally missed.

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Things We Forget To Thank Our Mums For! con’ t

For giving us our siblings, whom we simultaneously once wished to sell on Ebay and now are best friends with. And oh yeah, for that whole “giving birth to us” thing.

All the time she spent picking us up from here or there in the “Mum Taxi”; bending over backwards to make sure we had clean clothes and costumes; and were at every game, rehearsal, and play date we planned. Putting up with our middle school phase. When your middle school boyfriend/ girlfriend—a.ka. "the love of my life"— broke up with you outside gym class, remeber calling your Mum frantically in tears (maybe not if you are a boy). She picked you up and took you to eat ice cream sundaes. Doing her best, even when things were most difficult in the family. Mums have this incredible magic sparkle glue that keeps it all together when it would otherwise fall apart. DEALING with Dad, enough said! Being the boss woman of the house (and of our lives). And for being living proof that there truly are people who can honestly just do it all. Well although a bit sloppy much of this is true! Don’ t forget your mum this mothers day sunday march the 30th!

K RZDWHUFRROHUV HV ZZZ K RZDWHUFRROHUV HV

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Celebrities You Wouldn’ t Want To Work With Making a movie can be a very stressful undertaking apparently. Sometimes people lose their temper and other times some actors are just plain nasty to play with. If you ever make it to Hollywood, you may want to think twice before working with this list artistes.

Val Kilmer This troubled actor reportedly walked off the set of his first job. It was a commercial for hamburgers when he was only 12 years old. Kilmer famously came to blows with director Joel Schumacher when he told Val his poor treatment of the crew was unacceptable. Mike Myers Myers has built a reputation throughout the years for being a high maintenance control-freak. His Wayne’s World director claimed she assigned her daughter as his personal assistant to deal with his endless demands. Who knew that a guy with such a friendly face and a great sense of humor can be like this? I guess that with so much positive things surrounding this actor, there have to be some negative ones…

Katherine Heigl Publicly slamming people she has worked with, rude behavior and outrageous demands led to this actresses hasty decline from one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood to a non-speaking role in a commercial for cold medicine. Known for rants, Katherine had something to say about almost everyone she has worked with. Knocked up was sexist, for example, according to Katherine. The worst of it got the writers of ”Grey’s Anatomy” after her statement that she will not accept an Emmy nomination because of “bad writing”.

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10 THINGS YOU ONLY DO WHEN DRUNK... SPILL YOUR DRINK: a lot of the alcohol you buy probably ends up on A M a n ’ s the5)sticky floor of a club although you don’t notice much. W o r l d 6) RING OR TEXT AN EX: there should be an app that stops you ringing certain CONTINUED FROM LAST MONTH....

numbers at certain times. a picture of yourself looking very stern and a personal warning should come up that makes you wait ten minutes before it lets you dial. it's terrible to wake up and read a text you've sent, pick apart every word, it's worse when you made a phone call and can't quite piece together exactly what was said. 7) DANCE: in your mind you are John travolta in the center of the dance floor, white suit, hairy chest and gold medallion. in reality you look like Peter griffin being tasered. men don't really want to dance, they go there because the girls are there. 8) PRACTICE MARTIAL ARTS: this leads from dancing, in order to make it a bit more masculine while dancing with your mates waiting for girls to join you, you’ll more than likely practice your best kung fu moves with a matrix style bend over backwards thrown in for good measure. 9) THINK YOU'LL BE FINE FOR WORK:it'll be right' you keep telling yourself. in at 9, up for 8, quick shower and then jump on the bus. if only it was that simple. as you get older, hangovers get harder and harder to handle. 10) SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY: Chip and pin at the bar? Cab instead of a ten minute walk? six pieces of chicken instead of two? You tell yourself that in the morning you'll understand and accept why you spent your mum's Christmas present money on a lapdance. bars, clubs, takeaways and casinos don't come cheap. it takes a brave man to peer into his wallet the next morning but it's stupid one who thinks he'll still find crisp 10€ notes inside rather than cash machine receipts.

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Health Well Being &

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SUPER SNACKS...

tion sizes. Not a fan of carrots? Swap for cucumber, strips of red pepper or cauliflower florets.

3. A TUB OF LOW-FAT GREEK YOGURT. Fat-free yogurts are a natural source of calcium and high in protein with real fruit pieces, perfect for filling you up.

4. A BAG OF POPCORN. A good source of wholegrain fibre. One 20g bag provides nearly an eighth of the fibre GDA (guideline daily amount) which makes it a healthiHEALTHY NIBBLES TO EAT THROUGHOUT THE DAY THAT er, and lower calorie, alternative to crisps. HELP MAINTAIN WEIGHT Snacks should be a positive addition to your diet rather than a naughty treat. Instead 5. A BOILED EGG. This cheap, high-protein option is a of just contributing to your daily calorie allowance the great snack. Make a batch of hard-boiled eggs on ideal snack should be rich in fibre, protein and calcium Sunday to have on hand throughout the week. and help to provide essential vitamins and minerals. 6. TWO WHOLEGRAIN CRACKERS OR OATCAKES WITH 1. A HANDFUL OF RAW ALMONDS. Nuts are rich in PEANUT BUTTER. The combination of complex carbohyheart-healthy fats although they can be quite calorific if drates and protein helps keep blood sugar levels stable. you eat the whole bag. A sensible amount is around 30g Stick to a maximum of two tablespoons of peanut but(roughly 23) almonds. They provide vitamin E, calcium, ter. magnesium and potassium, as well as being a signifi- 7. A HANDFUL OF OLIVES. Ten to 15 black olives contain cant source of protein and fibre and naturally low in about 50 calories. They can be the ideal savoury snack. sugar. 8. A HANDFUL (25G) OF PUMPKIN, SESAME AND SUN2. MINI TUB OF HUMMUS (60g pot) with carrot batons FLOWER SEEDS Containing high levels of essential fatty Hummus, made with chickpeas, garlic, olive oil, tahini acids, they are also a low GI food which will release and lemon juice, is a great source of fibre and choosing energy slowly, helping to keep blood sugar at a stable a single-serving pot will help you to control your por- level.

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Medical Tips

Positively Pink & Positively Blue

Screening Programmes

We are delighted to advise that both the Positively Pink & Positively Blue screening programmes for this year will commence on Tuesday the 11th February 2014. As you may already know “Positively Pink” & “Positively Blue” are the Mijas based charities with the sole aim to raise the necessary funds to provide education, support and a FREE breast or prostate / testicular screening for British Man & Women living on the Costa del Sol.

For the ladies, “Positively Pink” offers a comprehensive (Gold Standard) screening process that included a consultation, physical examination, health education as well a mammogram or ultrasound, in some cases both. As well as this, ladies will also receive a translation into English of the result(s). Breast cancer is the most common form of cancer in women.

The lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is one in nine. Each year there are approximately 41,000 new diagnoses. The incidence of breast cancer for men is on the increase too with approximately 300 new cases diagnosed yearly in the UK. It has been shown that early detection of breast cancer can improve the outcome. Survival rates from breast cancer increases with age. 80% of breast cancers occur in women over the age of 50 though Positively Pink believes that screening should be available to all women from 18 years of age. For the men, “Positively Blue” offers a free consultation and PSA blood test as well as education and awareness on how to self examine. Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men in the UK, with more than 30,000 men diagnosed annually. Around 10,000 men die from it every year, making it the second most common cause of cancer deaths in men. Often in the early stages Prostate cancer had no symptoms. Testicular cancer affects 1 in 500 men between the ages of 15 and 50. Both screening programmes are carried out in conjunction with Clinica Medicare, a nurse led British health center cased in La Cala de Mijas.

What can you do to help Positively Pink & Positively Blue, Costa del Sol? If you would like to host or organize an event (suck as a coffee morning, sponsored walk/run), have an event in mind, would like to get involved with the charity please get in touch on Tel: 952 835 776 or Email: info@positively-pink.com Alternatively you can support these great charities by participating / attending or supporting one of the planned events for 2014, these are as follows:

• • • •

Saturday 29th March 2014 – Skydive from 15,000 ft Saturday 19th April 2014 – Pay To Walk for Positively Pink Sunday 1st June 2014 – Annual Karting Challenge for Positively Blue October 2014 (exact date TBC) - Positively Pink & Positively Blue, El Oceano Hotel & Spa.

For more information on the screening programmes or to book and appointment please call: 952 835 776

(We would encourage people to book their appointments for 2014 sooner rather than later)

For more information about Positively Pink & Positively Blue please visit our websites:

www.positively-pink.com www.positively-blue.com or follow us on facebook.

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Midget Surgery...

Tyler lived in Texas he was shall we say vertically challengedâ&#x20AC;Ś He was constantly complaining to his buddy Jett hat his testicles ached almost all the time. Tyler was always complaining about his problem, Jett finally suggested that he go to see a doctor to relieve the problem.

Tyler took his advice and went to the doctor he explained to the Doc what was wrong. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. Tyler dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told Tyler to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked Tyler to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. Tyler was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told Tyler to get dressed and see if they still ached. Tyler was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots." Medi$BSF JT DPNNJUUFE UP QSPWJEJOH RVBMJUZ Medi $BSF JT DPNNJUUFE UP QSPWJEJOH RVBMJUZ JJO FWFSZ BTQFDU PG DBSF BOE TVQQPSU JO UJNFT O FWFSZ BTQFDU PG DBSF BOE TVQQPSU JO UJNFT PG OFFE BWBJMBCMF JO UIF DPNGPSU BOE TBGFUZ P G OFFE BWBJMBCMF JO UIF DPNGPSU BOE TBGFUZ PG ZPVS PXO IPNF P G ZPVS PXO IPNF

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5IF BU Medi$BSF VOEFSTUBOE 5 IF UUFBN FBN B U Medi $BSF V OEFSTUBOE UUIF IF " " GVMM SBOHF PG TFSWJDFT DPWFSJOH GVMM SBOHF PG TFSSWWJDFT DPWFSJOH OFFE UP TFF BMM PG PVS DMJFOUT BT JOEJWJEVBMT O FFE UP TFF BMM PG PVS DMJFOUT BT JOEJWJEVBMT t 1PTU PQFSBUJWF DBSF SFIBCJMJUBUJPO t 1PTU PQFSBUJWF DBSF SFIBCJMJUBUJPO BOE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS B OE UBJMPS FWFSZ DBSF QBDLBHF UP NFFU ZPVS tt 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 4USPLF 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO TTQFDJmD OFFET QFDJmD OFFET tt 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF 1BMMJBUJWF $BSF tt 0SUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO 0SSUUIPQBFEJD 3FIBCJMJUBUJPO Established on the Costa del Sol since 2001 tt 3FTQJUF $BSF 3FTQJUF $BSF TTelephone: elephone: 952 835 776 tt %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT %JTUSJDU /VSTJOH 4FSWJDFT 24 Hour Helpline: 667 733 520 tt (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF (FOFSBM $BSF 4VQQPSU -JWF *O $BSF tt &TDPSUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF &TDPSSUUFE 3FQBUSJBUJPO )PNF www.medicarenursingservices.com www.medicarenursingservices.com Q Quality uality iinn eevery very aaspect spect ooff ccare are aass w well ell aass ssupport upport iinn ttimes imes ooff nneed! eed! info@medicarenursingservices.com info@medicarenursingservices.com

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March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:20 PM Page 38

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Celebrities You Wouldn’ t Want To Work With Gwyneth Paltrow Among her most ridiculous demands, Paltrow requires that someone dry the shower at the gym before she uses it so she doesn’t have to come in contact with the previous person’s water. At the set of Iron Man 2 she reportedly avoided Scarlett Johansson so much that the two of them never spoke a word.

con’ t

Russell Crowe The actor has made quite a name for himself with his drunken fights, threatening to kill movie producers during phone calls in the middle of the night, and insulting people on Twitter. His eccentric personality has involved him in foot races with the film crews, “fun” trips off set during filming and many more interesting shenanigans. He also angered George Clooney after he criticized his appearances in TV commercials, calling him a sellout. Clooney replied: “Dude, the only people who succeed when two famous people are fighting is People magazine. What is wrong with you?”

Kanye West When you think of Kanye West many things probably spring to mind and “high maintenance” is definitely close to the top of the list. He’s infamously exacting, demanding and difficult to deal with.

Charlie Sheen Love him or hate him, but you simply can’t ignore him. After Charlie Sheen’s very public break-down and departure from the highly successful Two and a Half Men, his “Tiger blood” started to boil once more on the set of his new series Anger Management when he attempted to fire his costar. We thikn Mr Sheen my need a little Anger Management of his own???

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March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:23 PM Page 42

World’s most expensive

Motorhome

We heard that the world’s most expensive motorhome the EleMMent Plazzo has just gone up for sale at $3m so we thought we would take a look!

It has a 45ft chassis, Royal ambience, extended living area, integrated kitchen area, outstanding controllable light effects Wellness bathroom with rainfall shower Outside there is an 18ft wide integrated automatic awning, bbq grill station, 40” weather proofed full HD TV and speaker system with fireplace mode.

There is also a sky lounge that can be set up by the push of a button with integrated floor heating, water fog system, multi-media, ice-maker, bar. With so many campsites up and down the Costa Del Sol, we would urge the new owner to come and visit…..

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March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:24 PM Page 44

Top 10 facts about BREAKFAST

1. According to a recent survey, 47 per cent of people regularly skip weekday breakfasts.

2. The average UK household has five packs of breakfast cereal.

3. The great 18th century Italian lover Casanova recommended eating 50 oysters for breakfast.

4. “Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” (Marlene Dietrich).

5. John Harvey Kellogg invented cornflakes in 1906 as therapy and as a mean of curbing the sex drive of mental patients in his sanatorium. 6. A cornflake the shape of Illinois was sold on eBay in 2008 for $1,350.

7. The first breakfast cereal was created by Dr James Caleb Jackson of New York in 1863. It consisted of bran nuggets that needed soaking overnight before they became edible.

8. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) is the only film with ‘Breakfast’ in the title to win an Academy Award. 9. Actually it won two Oscars, for best musical score and best original song (Moon River). 10. “Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.” (Oscar Wilde).

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teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

tion for someone who lives here full time. Do you have a wireless internet system that you are not happy with? Teleweb will convert you over to their service at no cost. What have you got to lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internet

Teleweb Internet & Telephone, has been providing wireless internet services since 2003, and in that time, has seen consistent growth and added new exciting services to its well established high speed 5GHz wireless internet service. FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as you go” system. There are flexible solutions ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

Teleweb offers a telephone system (without the need for a landline) with calls from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a Telefonica landline without the wires. No need to have your computer on to make and receive calls. Choose a telephone number from your home country or just elect to have a Malaga number. This system will work anywhere in the world with the same low call costs, you just need an internet connection. For more information on any of the above, please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

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OMG..... Literally! A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying from copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk said, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” The head monk takes a copy and goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in a locked vault that hasn’ t been opened for hundreds of years to check the original. Hours go by and nobody has seen the old abbot, so the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying and banging his head against the desk. “Whatever is wrong?” asks the young monk. “We missed the ‘ R’ !, we missed the ‘ R’ !” replied the abott in a choking voice “The word is ‘ celebrate,’ not ‘ celibate’ !!”

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Strangebuttrue...

STRANGE PAST & PRESENT UK LAWS & FACTS • A pregnant woman may relieve herself wherever she wishes. • It is an executable offense to allow your pet to mate with a pet of the royal house without permission. • The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. • Up until 1752 Britain used the Julian calendar and New Years day was on 25th March. • It is an offence to impersonate a Chelsea Pensioner. • No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. • It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle. • William the Conqueror ordered that everyone should go to bed at eight o’clock. • In Chester you can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight • The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. • Berwick-upon-Tweed was officially at war with Russia for 110 years. • If you find a Cab-driver in London not carrying a bale of hay overboard, he is breaking the law. • Even though being the sovereign of The United Kingdom, Her Majesty the Queen is not allowed to enter the City of London with seeking the permission of its Lord Mayor. • In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day. • There are over 30,000 John Smiths in Britain. • In York, excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow. • In 1945, a flock of starlings landed on the minute hand of Big Ben and put the time back by five minutes. • Britain is the only country in the world which doesn’t have the country’s name in its postage stamps. • Portugal is England’s oldest ally. The Anglo-Portuguese Treaty signed in 1373 is still in force.

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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FINANCIAL NEWS

The UK continues its path to recovery as it registered its best result for sometime and grew by 1.9%, that solid growth was seen across most sectors however it is the services sector that takes the gold medal. Mr Carney has also suggested the economy will grow at around 3.4% in 2014 so confidence within the central bank remains high. Mortgage approvals also hit a high of 71600 in December that's up about 29% on the year and contributes to some worries about the possible overheating of the housing market. The growing consumer confidence was seen in the growth of credit card borrowing and personal loans. At last it also appears that lending to SME's increased during the last quarter and hopefully reflects improved lending conditions for 2014. Mr Carney also provided a further insight into his forward guidance and confirmed interest rates will not be "adjusted" solely by using unemployment as the factor. Whilst the recovery is on line Mr Carney wants to make sure that its not taken for granted and of course the interest rate was held at its present low level. The next big step in the recovery path will be linked to the budget due in March and what additional cuts will need to be made. Across the euro zone Mr Draghi continues to face a difficult task as falling inflation is still around. Prices across the

zone continue to fall and stay well below the ECB's target of 2%. Unemployment still remains a considerable issue as it stands around 12% however with interest rates at .25% its not easy to cut again. Going forward another big task for The ECB head is galvanising banks to focus on creating the banking union and creating the urgency for a common pot of money to be used for bailing out banks. Mr Draghi wants to see a 5 years plan and not as proposed take 10 years to sort. Since the turn of the year however a different threat has emerged to the global recovery and the emerging markets are creating this threat as now they account for a higher slice of global output so any impact becomes greater. We are not expecting to see a similar situation to the 1990's however we all know what complacency can bring. If you would like further information please contact Moneycorp on

952 587 657

and quote Costa Link Magazine

March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:29 PM Page 51

March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:29 PM Page 52 This cake will blow your Mum’s socks off... A show-stopping layer cake of moist buttermilk sponge, jam, berries and cream cheese frosting - a real centrepiece for Mother’s Day!

RaspbeRRy spice cake

Ingredients:

•250g pack butter, softened •450g plain flour •140g golden caster sugar •140g light soft brown sugar •5 large eggs •4 tbsp honey •2 tsp baking powder •1 tsp cinnamon

Method:

•1 tsp mixed spice •½ tsp ground cloves •½ tsp ground ginger •¼ tsp salt •4 tbsp buttermilk

For the filling & icing •200g raspberry jam •200g raspberries, plus extra to decorate •200g pack butter, softened •200g pack soft cheese •200g icing sugar, sifted, plus extra for dusting

1) Heat oven to 160C/140C fan/gas 3. Grease and line 3 x 20cm cake tins with baking parchment. Tip all the cake ingredients into a large bowl and beat with an electric whisk until smooth. Divide between tins and bake for 25 mins until a skewer poked in comes out clean. Turn out onto wire racks to cool.

2) Split each cake in half. Mash the jam and raspberries together, then spread over 5 cake halves, leaving 1 top half free. Sandwich together, with the plain cake on top. Put on a plate and cling film thoroughly. Invert a cake tin on top like a hat and top with 3 x 400g food cans. Leave overnight. 3) To finish, beat the butter, cheese and icing sugar together, then spread over the cake. Decorate with extra raspberries and a dusting of icing sugar, if you like.

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March 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 2/23/14 4:30 PM Page 54

What’s On

Guide

March at Tikitano: 7th March - A tribute to the Abba Girls. 14th March - Inferno, a tribute to the era of disco. 21st March - A tribute to Michael Buble. 28th March - A tribute to Billy Holiday. 30th March - Mothers Day special 3 course menu and a gift for Mum! For more information see our website www.tikitano.com or call 952 79 84 49. March 8th 2014: Frankie B is perfoming Motown, Soul etc at Swing Restaurant in Estepona for more informaiton please see our website www.livemusicspain.com or call 666 271 618. March 14th to 19th 2014: Sees the launch of the first ever UK English speaking Folk Festival on the Costa del Sol. Mike Harding will be the principle compére for the five day festival to be held at the Hotel Alay in Benalmadena, Spain from 14th – 19th March 2014. With a line up featuring over 20 of the top names in British Folk Music including Fairport Convention, Show of Hands, The Demon Barbers, The Mighty Doonans, Blackbeards Tea Party, Steamchicken, Sean Taylor and headlining the festival, the iconic Fairport Convention, it’s sure to be a fantastic event. For more information see www.costadelfolk.co.uk or call: 01254 504970. March 18th 2014: Estepona Floral Art Club will be holding its next flower arranging demonstration from 3.15pm to 5pm at Tikitano’s Beach and Restaurant, Estepona. The demonstrator will be Craig Bullock, NAFAS National Demonstrator. Please call Jo on 952 89 13 85 or send an email to esteponafloralartclub@hotmail.com to receive information. March 19th 2014: St Jose (Saint Joseph) is fathers day in Spain. March 22nd 2014: Peet Rotwell - Top Micheal Buble tribute is perfoming at Swing Restaurant in Estepona for more informaiton please see our website www.livemusicspain.com or call 666 271 618. Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, near Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa. Every Monday: Arts and Crafts Fair in Benahavis at 8pm in the Main Square in Benahavis. Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771. Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at the Cafe in Supersol, El Zoco, Calahonda or call us on Tel 952 933 409 for more information. Every Wednesday: Dance with JiveSpain at New Friends Restaurant in San Pedro from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Every Thursday: Dance with JiveSpain at Tikitano Restaurant, Estepona from 8pm - 11pm. For more information seee website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking. Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola. Every Friday: Dance with JiveSpain at Hotel El Goleto, Duquesa from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Sunday: Dance with JiveSpain take over the dance floor at Atalaya Park Hotel. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale. Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:0018:00. Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.

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ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

Transport

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona (Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Cañada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

1st March: St David’s Day.

17th March: St Patrick’s Day

19th March: San Jose Spanish Fathers day. (Public holiday)

30th March: Mothers Day (UK) & Summer time begins! Clocks go forward.

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during March 2014.....

Capricorn

Capricorn, Venus the planet of love will leave your sign on March 5th 2014, after a four-month stay, four times longer than it usually spends in a sign. It's time you took a look at the whole picture, to see what the significance of this rare phenomenon is. You'll still have Jupiter with you in your sign, opportunities may appear at this time, and if you are in a relationship, it will flourish. If you are too demanding with high expectations this may shadow your happiness. At work it could be good time for resuming an old project it’s definitely good to analyse the weak points of the career and remedy them, for reorganizing yourself or reconsidering objectives. If you have had health problems, solutions might be found this month try to get some free time for yourself take a step back an view the whole situation.

Aquarius

Aquarius, the atmosphere of March 2014 will have the scent of love. Mercury will be right in your sign bringing a month that promises delights. You’ll become sexier, you'll have amazing powers of attraction and fascination, and you’ll draw attention without any effort. You'll receive compliments, declarations; you'll have endless opportunities. If you're in a solid relationship, March 2014 will be a wonderful month to have fun together. At work you’ll have a lucky month, in which you'll work productively and can have nice earnings. In addition to the energy and enthusiasm you'll also have the charm people will like you, will look at you nicely and will do you favors. Take care of yourself this month, make yourself beautiful why not take yourself shopping, all in all a fantastic March for you!

Pisces

Pisces, in the first part of March 2014, there won't be anything spectacular going on but both Venus, and Mercury will be changing that things will start to come to the surface in the second part of March 2014, once Mercury has entered the sign of Pisces. Prepare yourself for some nice surprises in the following weeks. March 2014 will bring success and professional accomplishments. The Sun in your sign will highlight your qualities, will lend you prestige, will emphasize your qualities and bring you praise and admiration. So that you don't experience any financial problems, avoid a financially impulsive behavior as much as possible, pay bills on time it's not a good idea to borrow money now. Think twice before making decisions; maybe even ask for specialist advice!

Aries

Taurus

Gemini 60

Aries, Mars, the ruler of Aries, will start a retrograde throughout March until May 2014. This calls for you to expect the unexpected. This retrograde movement will in the most part affect relationships meaning they have a tendency of going back to the past: an older relationship might come back to attention or certain situation may come back to haunt you. This month focuses your energies on relationships; you could be in for a testing time. If you are single or maybe looking for a change however, it is not out of the question to find a new love at this time. At work misunderstandings will be clarified, and things will come back to normal. Nevertheless, you shouldn't imagine that everybody likes you! Avoid circumstances that could lead to conflicts! Taurus, Saturn's and Mars will be causing some changes in your sign this month. Mars will be in retrograde so expect abnormalities, blocks and other inconveniences. If you are in a serious relationship expect a little turbulence. The possibility of some medical or professional problems for a partner or friend may alter your personal harmony this month. You might find yourself with some unpleasant and burdening obligations. Fortunately though, Taurus is a robust and lucky zodiac sign, so everything will end up well eventually. At work you’ll feel a lack of energy and motivation things will not develop within normal parameters and you'll need disciplined in order to succeed. In spite of all headaches, there are chances for promotion and success. Financially, you'll be very well off this month. Try to get some time for refection and relaxation you’ll feel the benefit if you do.

Gemini, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will finally be in a favorable position, following four months of lets say a dry spell. Jupiter will also be in the mix. You don't have to be a genius to put things together and draw a conclusion March 2014 will be a fantastic month for relationships to get better and new love stories to start. At work tasks will be rather difficult to do, but with that will bring accordingly great satisfactions. Your hard work will be fruitful you'll benefit from glory and in addition to that the money! Don't get over enthusiastic try to think rationally. No matter how busy you are, don't ignore health. Schedule your activities in such a way as to allow enough time for rest and relax. Why not take up a new outdoors activity this month at the very least go for a good long walk, clear your head get the cobwebs out.

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, on March 5th Venus will leave Cancer's house of couples, where it has stayed for almost 4 months this prolonged stay has drawn your attention to some aspects of the relationship that needed to be looked at more closely. Only you will understand, with hindsight what Venus message has been. Looking forward, things should unwind a bit. If you are single then maybe Venus happens to have been preparing you for a new love, this is defiantly on the horizon. Work and finances will be in for a boost this month as well. You might be forced to re-take some steps that haven't been very inspired in the last months; your path will now become clear. You'll be in good shape this month as long as you don't overdo it. All you have to do is exercise as much as possible and watch your diet. Leo, at last, after a long wait Venus has decided to move into your sign and especially to get involved in your relationships. It's good news, because Venus as we know is the sign of love, bringing you exactly what you need for a happy spring (and it will put a spring in your step). At the end of February, Mercury resumed its straight movement in your sign. March will bring clear communication and good understanding. March 2014 will be an excellent month for having fun and socialising. Success at work will happen this month but may take extra effort, but good relations, collaboration and partnerships will also have a major contribution. Financially, there will be some extra money in the pot but watch out for some issues maybe a mix up. Be careful when driving or travelling, think before you speak there maybe more to a situation than first appears! Virgo, with the Sun crossing your sign this month you are going to find some changes happening in your home life. The events of the period will highlight how important your partner is to you, how special the person you have chosen is. On the other hand, the person besides you might stand out or make a great achievement or have great success. If you are single, you may feel a bit lonely at the start of the month donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry though because you'll have higher chances to start a relationship towards the middle of the month. Work and finances as ever challenges will be present, but you'll have enough support to cope with them. March will be a favorable time to get pampered and take some time to for yourself, why not have a spa day on a lunch out with friends, go on you deserve it! Libra, Mars entered your sign late last year and will be with you until July 2014. It'll be significant for relationships Mars will start the retrograde movement bringing unexpected changes maybe some past misunderstandings. Romances started now can end up badly. Try not to make important decisions wait until May 20th, when Mars resumes its straight movement again. Mars will also change your work pace and influence your professional life. Be very careful about how you coordinate your energy and actions, how you manage your courage and assess risks. With a bit of attention to detail you can count on success. A balanced diet, rich in minerals and vitamins can keep you on the right track this month. Scorpio, Venus the planet of love and Aquarius will bring about change this month awakening new interests, energizing your life bringing curiosity making you experience something new, something exotic. If you are on the hunt for a love affair you may find it while traveling or with somebody from far away. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a great time to strengthen your image at work. Be prepared, for you might be in the right place at the right time, take advantage of an opportunity, of a special occasion. There won't be problems with money in March as long as you don't waste wonga on useless but tempting things or on costly hobbies. You need rest and you could do with more time spent peacefully by yourself, with time to order your heart and mind. Sagittarius, Mercury will resume its straight movement towards the end of February 2014 and will gradually bring back normality. It's good news if you are in a relationship after a few weeks of uncertainty and or misunderstandings. These could have been related to home life, parents or house issues. If you have been feeling these forces be careful in the second part of the month, especially after March 17th 2014. In this period you'd better not make important decisions about relationships, home or family. Deal with things by yourself, don't count on others! Information and communication will be priorities for Sagittarius in March 2014. If you have cut down on physical exercise during the winter, it is now the ideal time to restart exercising regularly.

Puzzle It Out

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Crossword

Sudoku

Solutions on page 72 Across: 1. Popular garden bird (5) 4. Gardening implement (5) 7. Spring-flowering bulbs seen in gardens and grass verges (8) 8. Species of pig (4) 9. Person who marries someone while already married (8) 11. Traditional, often ancient, fictional story (4) 12. First name of detective story authoress (6) 14. Set alight (6) 16. Very great in size (4) 18. Housing that someone is living in (8) 20. It indicates tiredness (4) 21. Unmarried man (8) 23. Hollow or crevice (5) 24. The prize for winning the Test cricket series between England & Australia (5) Down: 1. Berkshire town (7) 2. Organisation which presents British TV and Film awards (5) 3. Move head in agreement (3) 4. A gem set by itself, or a game for one person (9) 5. Egg white (7) 6. Precise (5) 10. Cannot be heard (9) 13. Ship which sank in 1912 (7) 15. Slight, lacking substance (7) 17. Once more (5) 19. Blood sucker once used for medical purposes (5) 22. US espionage organisation (3

Brain Teaser MAKE 50€ QUICK!

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of 50€ notes out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says to him, "I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed." The rich man laughs. The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?" The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. What song did he sing?



Say What You See...

KNEE LIGHT 62

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

There where t wo Irish men on a building site. One of them said, “Can you help me find my ear?” The other man said, “Is this it?” The other man said, “No, mine has got a pencil behind it.”

One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters." So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice. Gepetto says......., "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you need." A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?" Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once. "And how did she look?" "Oh boy, she looked very angry!" At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere. "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?" "She was watching us through the window."

God and Adam are talking in the Garden of Eden one day and God asks "How are you doing?" Adam replies "Everything is just perfect here. The only thing I have to complain about is that I am lonely most of the time." God thinks for a minute and says " Well Adam, I can give you a mate that will cook for you, clean up after you, and love you forever and ever" "That would be great" Adam says "But it sure sounds expensive, what would that cost me?" "An arm and a leg" God says. Adam thinks for a minute and asks God "What can I get for a rib?"

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, may we help you?" There's something wrong with my man bits," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't pee out of it," he replied. Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school. Victor: Ohhh, Mum do I have to? All the teachers pick on me, and all the kids hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Victor: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 34 and you're the Head Master!

HAPPY ST PADDY’S DAY!

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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Puzzle It Out Solutions FromPages 20 & 62

Crossword Solution

Just Say What You See

Harrys Sports Bar

1. Neon Light 2. Half Time

Brain Teaser

"Happy Birthday" This song can be sung with anyone's name in it.

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales, Calahonda

To advertise in the most popular A5 magazine on the Costa del Sol with rates starting at 35€ call: 951 216 131 72

email: sales@costalinkmagazine.com

Trivia Quiz Answers 1) Rodgers 2) Charles Darwin 3) Belgium 4) Medusa 5) Jenny Jones 6) Lyon 7) Moonlight Serenade 8) Honolulu, Hawaii 9) No 10) USSR 11) Nissan 12) 1930’s 13) Eric Clapton 14) 10 years 15) Atomic Bomb 16) York 17) Nicole Scherzinger 18) Louis Pasteur 19) Murdoch 20) Mia Grace Tindall 21) Tokyo 22) One Direction 23) Well’Ard 24) Sark 25) November 26) Ring a Ring of Roses 27) Drones 28) ½ p 29) Coffee 30) Napoleon

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